#christmas tee nail art | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lovemesomesurveys · 4 years ago

Text

What do you waste your time doing the most? Lounging in bed switching between social medias and watching TV. I’ve wasted so much time these past few years doing absolutely nothing. :/ Have you ever been back-stabbed? Yes.

If you could be anything, what would you be? Healthy.

If you could be any Tv show character, who would you choose to be? Hm. I don’t know.

If you switched genders for one day, what would you do? Let’s be real, I wouldn’t do anything different. I’d do the same things I do everyday but as the opposite sex instead.

What power would you choose to have if you were superhuman? Is there a healing power?

What stereotype/clique would you say you are more like? I don’t know.

How do you handle being under pressure? Not well.

What does your phone cover look like? It’s clear and has Winnie the Pooh sitting in a honey jar underneath a tree branch with a beehive hanging off it and some bees buzzing around him.

Have you ever done anything illegal? If so, what was it? I’ve downloaded music, movies, and books back in the day like a lot of people did. Real rebels.

What is the perfect weather to you? Fall weather.

If you were a stripper, what would your stage name be? Nah.

What is your favorite holiday, why? Christmas. I love that time of year.

What is your least favorite bug? Um, ALL of them.

What is your favorite thing in the opposite sex? Guys with a good sense of humor.

What is your biggest fear? Losing my loved ones, death, getting worse/never getting better.

What is something your looking forward to? There isn’t anything currently.

If you could live on any planet, which one would you choose? I’ll just stay here on earth.

What is your favorite junk food? Little Debbie snack cakes, brownies, donuts, cheesecake, cookies, cupcakes.

If you could have any animal as a pet, which one would you choose? I like just having a doggo. I wouldn’t want an exotic animal or something.

What is your favorite time of the day? When I’m drinking my coffee and my nighttime routine.

What name do you wish you had? I’m fine with the name I have.

What would your dream home be like? Spacious enough for 4 adults and a doggo, hardwood flooring, a balcony, big backyard with a deck.

What is your favorite color? Pastels, rose gold, sea foam green, coral, and yellow.

Where is your favorite place to be? In bed.

What is your favorite fruit? Bananas. What is something your embarrassed about? Myself--how I look, the way I am, and where I’m at in my life.

What is one thing you'd like to be the best at? I just wish I was actually good at something.

Ever been on Chatroulette? Yeah.

What is the song that you know every single word to? There’s many.

Most painful memory? There’s a lot of those as well.

What is your favorite place in the whole wide world? I love being at the beach watching and listening to the ocean waves crash in and out, as well as feeling and smelling the ocean air.

A word that to you is impossible to spell? Onomatopoeia. Not impossible, but I definitely need to stop and think about it first. <<< Omg, same. I can never seem to remember how to spell for some reason.

What's something that you collect? Giraffe stuffed animals and knickknacks and Baby Yoda stuff.

Listener or Talker? Definitely a listener.

Thing you hate the most about the opposite sex? There’s things I don’t like about people in general, like close-mindedness and people who are very opinionated and judgmental.

Could have anything you wanted right now, what would you have? Good health.

Scariest movie you've ever seen? Hmm. I don’t know what movie I’d give the scariest movie I’ve ever seen title to.

What is the most awkward moment you've been in? My life.

A memory you'll never forget? Many memories with loved ones.

One of your quirks? I don’t know.

What type of phone do you have? An iPhone 12 Pro Max.

Favorite quote or saying? There are plenty that I’m able to relate to. <<<

Something you wanna do before you die? ”Live” sounds good. <<< !!!

What is a habit of yours? Picking at my nails. Look around you.. What is the thing you like the most around you? All my giraffe stuffed animals and my Baby Yoda plushies.

Favorite possession? All my things.

Favorite shirt? All of ‘em.

What is the name of your best friend? She’s Mom to me.

What is your favorite shoes? My pairs of Adidas. Least favorite singer? Hmm.

Something you love and hate at the same time? Food.

Are you one of those people who don't like to admit when their wrong? I can admit when I’m wrong and I’m wrong a lot. I’m always quick to blame myself for everything, too.

Girls who try too much are annoying.. Aren't they? Anyone tries too hard can sometimes end up coming off annoying or obnoxious and it tends to just backfire.

What color makes you relax? Colors don’t help me relax.

Are you an awkward type of person? Yep, that’s me.

Is it hard for you to make friends? I never had a problem getting along with people, but I had more acquaintances than friends. I’m just not a people person, I’m not someone people gravitate to or someone everyone wants to get to know. I’m really just not that interesting or make much of an impression.

How would you like to leave this earth? Painlessly.

What do you find stupid but most people like? Modern sitcoms I feel like.

What is a hobby you have? I love to read.

What's your plans for next weekend? I don’t have any.

Have any big dreams? What are they? No. :/

Restaurant that is horrible. Hmm. I haven’t had a horrible experience at a restaurant.

Have a fetish for anything? No.

Do you like long or short surveys? Long.

What age did you stop playing with dolls or action figures? Like 10 or 11.

Do you think your more mature then most of yours friends? I don’t have any friends, but I feel like everyone I know in my age range is more mature and adult than me. My 22 year old brother is more mature than me.

Like labels? For certain things.

Does your school have cliques? --

Do you enjoy running? No.

Something that you are horrible at but wish you were good at. Living, adulting, stuff like that.

A sport you think is dumb? I’m not interested in any sport.

What is your favorite food? Ramen, garlic parm and lemon pepper boneless wings from Wingstop, and scrambled eggs and biscuits smothered in country gravy.

Ever think about what it would be like to be someone else? Yeah. Night owl or Early Bird? Both since I don’t even go to bed until like 7 or 8AM. Lately, it’s been later. :/ If I’ve actually gone to sleep and I have to get up early, however, then I have a hard time. What celeb would you not mind meeting? Alexander Skarsgard. What's your favorite Tv channel? My TV is generally either on TV Land, CMT, The Hallmark Channel, or MTV.

Have texting? Yeah.

You have 3 wishes. What are they? Good health, financial stability, and more wishes. ha.

What did you first think about when you woke up? I haven’t gone to bed, yet, it’s 1:27AM.

What's the last thing you thought about before you went to sleep? ^^^

What do you want to be when you grow up? Or what are you? I’m 31 and still have no idea.

Like cartoons? Which one is your favorite? I still like some of the cartoons I watched as a kid such as Rugrats, Doug, and Hey Arnold.

Do you watch what you eat? No.

Have a favorite number? What is it? 8.

Are you quiet or loud? I’m a quiet person.

Were you an annoying baby? Not from what I’ve heard from my parents.

Worst subject? Was always mathematics. <<<

Best subject? Was English Language Arts. <<<

What's your favorite brand of shoe? Adidas.

What's your favorite month? Why? October and December. I love the weather and the holidays.

Favorite season? Fall and winter.

Least favorite holiday? Valentine’s Day.

Do you try new foods or do you stick with what you know you like? I stick to the same few foods now because of appetite and eating issues.

Love pictures or hate them? I like taking them and looking at them, but not having mine taken.

Have you ever thought about going to Fiji? I certainly wouldn’t be opposed.

What's your favorite movie character? I have several.

Have any nicknames? What are they? Steph and Sis.

Who do you miss? Loved ones who have passed away.

Someone have your heart? Just me.

Have any sports you love? What are they? Nope.

Do you keep to yourself or are you out there? I keep to myself.

What's your outlook on life? It’s been rather bleak the last few years. What is the prettiest object/person/landscape/anything that you have seen? That’s hard to choose.

Do you wear your heart on your sleeve? No, it’s more covered up by the sleeve.

What's your style? Very casual and comfortable consisting of leggings and oversized graphic tees.

Did you like this survey? Cause I might make more! Sure. Too bad I won’t know if you make or have made any more because I don’t know who you are.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

3 notes · View notes

itspdameronthings · 4 years ago

Note

Colour asks: ALLLL the colours!!! <3

Red: it's a light red tee that is baggy. So soft

Orange:I love my eye color,but If i were want to change it. Would be the same kind of that matches Garrett hedlund. 💚

Yellow: oscar isaac. He is a great actor. He should have been nominated for inside of llewellyn Davis, and the promise.

Green: love lots of flowers,but I have to say roses

Blue: love the cool weather. Not too hot or too cold.

Purple: poem called best friend by bill hoeneveld made me think of so many friends I have made through the years. Cant pick just one.

Magenta: I keep my nails short. Since I break them all the time.

Turquoise: seahorses

Fushia: horses

Cyan: I'm very spiritual

Sea green: for the life of me. I cant cant fold a fitted sheet. If I were to lay it on the floor so I can fold it.

Violet: no

Amber: wallpaper of oscar isaac and Garrett hedlund. Duh! 💚💚

Aqua: yes! Love thrifting. Especially clothes.

Pink: dark brown.

Beige:yes, three cats. Shadow, milo and lily.

Black: I would try to go vegan

Coral: too many to think of

Grey: one,but I were to learn another language? Would be Spanish.

Maroon: I don't care for brands. As long as it is comfortable.

Rose: love sweet and musky scents on a person

Charcoal: went camping once when I was a teen.

Claret: no,but I would love to learn to play a guitar💚💚( inspired by my favorite actors)

Copper: love silver jewelry

Cream: have my ears pierced. No tats.

Salmon: have too many shades!

Ebony: would love to be on the new version of name that tune.

Indigo: never lived on a farm. Love the living in a small town.

Emerald: I would love to live in Italy.

Lavender: single.

Erin: best subject in school was English

Mauve: no unpopular opinions

Fulvous: cant think of a name right now

Coconut: learn about gardening

Frost: music

Porcelain: used to love watching the golden girls. Seen it so many times. Got tired if it.

Fawn: interesting family story is how both of my parents didn't not know how to cook when they got married. My dad knew,but not to well.

Gold: used to wear mismatched socks when I was a teen.

Honey: I believe there is magic. It is all around us. You just cant see it

Rust: art of music and writing. Just starting to write. I love it.

Ginger: no side burns

Cherry: too many to remember. Watch lots of youtube when I can

Wine: dont have a type

Mahogany: taurus earth

Blood: queen bed

Hot pink: love pink!

Plum: never tried sushi. Never will

Lilac: cats

Amethyst: collect books. Used to collect music CDs. Now they are on my computer.

Mulberry: headphones

Azure: love Jean jackets

Teal: yeah I work in the retail industry

Denim: kill it ! Stomp it smooch it!

Sapphire: I seem to think I can sing pretty good.

Mint: mint.

Pecan: from whom the bell rolls by Metallica. ( I swear)

Penny: icecream

Ash haven't worn make up in a long time. Dont know what shades looks good on me.

Jade: just starting to write fanfiction. Check out my page. And the Wednesday writing challenge hosted by my buddy@autumnleaves1991-blog.

Grape: over a hundred.

Umber: no I brush my teeth after I eat

Chestnut: Samsung Galaxy from tracfone.

Prussian blue: cheetos!

Aquamarine: pool!

Brass: ketchup

Mustard: no sugar in my tea

Silver: never broken a bone

Rose quartz: necklace

Onyx: haven't played minecraft in years

Burgundy: never rode a motorcycle.

Scarlet: Christmas

Apricot: dont like 3 in one. Might damage my colored hair

Platinum : dont follow politics. Too much drama

Magnolia: my Instagram handle is paigesoutherndiva.

1 note · View note

serendipitous-magic · 5 years ago

Note

Any HCs for older (30s/40s) / married byler? :)

Yes! And most of them are blatantly self-indulgent (don’t look too closely at Mike’s career path, I swear it’s not just me projecting), and I’m not even sorry. :) Let’s gooooo!

(Also, note: I took this in a very fluffy domestic direction, so sorry if anybody was really hoping for some NSFW HCs or wedding HCs or something like that - although I might be convinced to expand on that another time. ;) )

-As a young couple in their 20s they lived in a typical shitty apartment near where they went to college, but now as they’re getting more established and their careers are picking up, they’ve moved into something more similar to a townhouse / condominium in the city where they work. They don’t need an entire house, really, and besides, they’re usually not a huge fan of suburbia. If they did have a house, it would probably be one of those small-ish houses near the outskirts of the city - you know the type I mean. Lots of renovation expenses because it’s so old, but unique and cozy enough that it makes up for the hassle. I do tend to picture them in more of a townhouse/condo situation, though.

-Speaking of careers, they both got into something creative. Neither of them at all wanted to work in any type of office environment. Will fought tooth and nail to make a living with his art, which has made for some rough spots financially, but now that they’re getting through their 30s and into their 40s, it seems like it’s finally starting to even out and become more reliable as a source of income. He may do concept art for movie / TV / video game studios, he may do comic illustrations, he may do commissions, maybe a combination.

-Mike, meanwhile, leaned into his passion for storytelling and his leadership skills - but I feel like Mike would wander in a couple different directions with that. Trying out this path, then this one - less of a cohesive, driven career path than Will’s, just trying things until he landed on something he really liked. Maybe he dabbled in computer engineering in college for a while (see: Mike’s nerdy mini-conversation with Bob about programming languages), decided that wasn’t quite for him, tried some creative writing classes, some film studies. Maybe he was a high school history or language arts teacher for a few years after college, what with his caring and nurturing instincts, his nerdiness, his leadership skills, his passion for stories (LotR, Star Wars, and D&D, anyone?), etc. But that probably wasn’t quite for him. Eventually, after having storytelling hobbies for most of his life, he starts integrating that into his career kind of on accident - and that’s when he hits on what he actually likes doing for a living. He consistently writes short stories on the side and submits them to magazines for publication. Maybe he uses something like commercial writing/directing as a stepping-stone, making heartfelt hit-you-in-the-feels and funny-memorable commercials for shitty instant coffee and cotton tee shirts, and that block on his resume is what gets him into The Business for real. From there it’s small-time TV studios, sitting in a writers’ room hunched over cold coffee cups, chattering with a table full of other creatives about plot twists that will air on local stations. Or maybe he’s on set, wearing black jeans and a black tee that won’t reflect the light and mess up the shot, flipping through a clipboard of rumpled papers and hustling towards a fast-incoming deadline. Maybe he’s third-in-command on set, right-hand-man to the right-hand-man of the director. Continuity supervisor or art director. Or maybe he’s a practical effects guy, mixing up buckets of sludge or fake blood or figuring out a way to make a plastic-and-foam lobster puppet look alive. In any case, he’s doing something he really enjoys, and he’s steadily moving up in the ranks. Will swears he’s going to be directing blockbusters in Hollywood before they’re fifty; Mike always scoffs at that, laughing it off, but Will isn’t entirely joking.

-They have a medium-sized dog - something with a long snout and a long tail. Will counts himself as a dog person, but for a while there after the fall of ‘84, it was hard for either of them to be around big dogs without remembering the Demodogs. But it’s been decades, and somewhere in their late 30s (when they finally live somewhere with some form of backyard), they finally feel ready to get a puppy.

-Semi-regularly, they group-call the old Party and play D&D over the phone (much like The Adventure Zone). Sometimes one or both of them (Mike or Will) will be trying to do something else in the background at the same time - cooking dinner, working on a piece of art, etc. (Hey, they’re adults, they’re chronically short on time. Gotta multitask where they can.) This leads to occasional bouts of hilarity - like the time Mike almost knocked his entire laptop into a pot of spaghetti sauce because he was trying to DM and cook simultaneously. These over-the-phone D&D sessions are invariable merry and hilarious, cheering everyone up even after the worst of days. The Party is often spread out over the whole country - Mike and Will probably in one of the hubs of the storytelling industry (San Francisco or NYC), Dustin somewhere in the midwest doing scientific field work, Lucas still somewhere in or near Indiana, El and Max living in a new city every other year - but these phone calls bring them all together, and remind them of “simpler” times when they were kids in the Wheelers’ basement.

-Nancy is a highly successful journalist who travels a lot for her work, and whenever she and Mike / Will are in the same city, they make sure to meet up for coffee if not a day or two of old-times sibling shenanigans. Nancy has considered Will like a brother ever since they were teenagers, and that only strengthens as they grow older. But Mike, especially, reverts right back to a fifteen year old whenever his big sister is in town, throwing potato chips at her across the table and teasing her until she chases him with her soup spoon, and the whole time Will is just laughing with his face in his hands, pretending to be embarrassed but really just happy to see the two of them both happy.

-Similar situation with Jonathan. ^^^ He kept up his photography through the years, but like Mike, he’s wandered from career path to career path, just trying things out. (Whether he and Nancy are together depends on your own HCs, but be assured, whenever he’s in town he and Will are just as insufferable as Mike and Nancy.)

-It’s a long time before either (let alone both) of them feel ready to seriously consider kids. They both have a lot to work through after what they went through as kids themselves, and being a parent means being 100% there for someone else’s needs, often at the sacrifice of your own. Not to mention that with both of their creative-based careers, with not nearly as much financial stability as some of their peers, they’ve had some years where supporting just the two of them is a challenge. But eventually, they do get to the point where they start thinking about kids. I think they’d have at least one. Maybe they adopt, maybe they team up with El and Max (depending on how you HC the girls at that point) to do an in vitro deal, it depends.

-They visit Joyce and Hop (who are married) for Christmas. El and Max come home for the holidays, too. Joyce and Hop moved out of Hawkins together after all the kids moved away for college. Not too awfully far from Indiana, but far enough from Hawkins that they could leave the memories behind. Somewhere fairly rural, but not quite small-town. A large town or small-to-mid-size city, maybe, where they have a house with a big backyard and a big front yard and enough combined beds and couches to house all the “kids” over the holidays.

-Ever since college, they go to Pride every year - most likely along with El and Max, if the four of them can arrange to meet up.

-Mike and Will still tease each other a lot and play-fight and they still tussle for the remote or the last fry, and they still have nerdy posters up in their living room, and they still trust each other more than anything else and they still geek out over their interests together and they still bicker and protect each other and love each other. So, really, not too much has changed since they were teenagers - they’re just in a better (read: much less homophobic) environment, working on their mental health, growing, healing from years-old traumas, doing what they love for a living (after decades of fighting tooth and nail to make it work), spending time with loved ones. Just living life. Taking new risks. Riding the ups and downs together.

#asks #byeler #byler #HCs #married byeler #adult byeler #basically the moral of this story is that everything is gonna be okay kids #you'll find something you love doing #and you'll have a nice home that you get to build with someone you love #and you'll visit your friends and family #and you'll cook dinner and listen to podcasts and it'll be okay #just in case anyone needed to hear that

44 notes · View notes

flowerbeom · 4 years ago

Text

aesthetics tag!

tagged by @jjinyounf 💖💝

rules: bold the aesthetics you relate to and add twenty of your own aesthetic qualities for others to bold

tagging: @defgyus @jinseunie @axizzles @focusgyeom @demongyeom @sxfterhearts @urlocalkpoptrash

bro, this was long! but fun.

soft

dark academia

edgy

seventies

preppy casual

cinanamon - steph

gold jewelry, slowdancing in the kitchen with a lover, sun on skin, red-tinted lip balm, lazy mornings, getting lost in foreign cities, scent of bakeries, high-waisted jeans, kissing someone’s neck, writing reminders on your wrist, sleeping in braids to have waves in the morning, growing an herb garden, gentle touches, sketches tucked between pages, flushed cheeks, tandem bikes, floating in a pool, vintage gold hand-mirror, deer grazing, softly singing while doing chores

jaesmintea - dia

naptimetea - helena

jeonginks

scxrlettwxtches

listening to a song and remembering the times you used to listen to it on repeat | imagining yourself living in any other life than the one you have now | crop tops and high waisted jeans | forgetting to smile but not actually being upset | nuzzling your face in the crook of their neck | back hugs when you’re stressed | turning in assignments 1 minute before they’re due | wanting a relationship but getting scared the moment you’re in one | pretending that you don’t care when inside you’re burning with doubts and fears | the sound of the evening waves as you lie on the sand | lying in your bed listening to your sad playlist | exhaustion but you can’t sleep | singing loudly when you’re the only one home | feeling safe and comfortable with that person in your life | knee high suede black boots with your black winter coat | comfort over appearance | writing essays at 2 am | creative peak from 1 am to 4 am | the one that always ends up walking in the back of a friend group

hyunsracha - sav!

lveletters

dnceracha - sydni

bamshine - sae

jjinyounf - cres

flowerbeom - kat

#this took foreverrrrrrr #but its fun #aes tag #tag game

5 notes · View notes

toxoiddiamond · 4 years ago

Photo

T H E B A S I C S Given Name: Seong Ki-mun Nicknames: He briefly went by the name Kyle in middle school because he was tired of people teasing him about his “weird” name. But by the time he got to high school he didn’t care anymore and was back to going by his real name. (He also started purposely mispronouncing the names of anyone who made fun of his name– think A-a-ron.) Age: 30 Birthday: November 23rd Zodiac Sign: Sagittarius Birthplace: Anaheim, California Current Location: NYC, New York Speaks: English, Korean (fluently, but his family teases him about his “American accent” all the time) Dominant Hand: Right Education: He got his Associates Degree from LaGuardia Community College, then transferred to NYU and got his Bachelors in Arts & Sciences. He cheerfully refers to college as the most money he’s ever wasted in his life. Occupation: Teaching Assistant in the English department at CUNY Hunter College. He mostly assists with the Writing and Poetry classes, but also helps out with various Literature classes and acts as a substitute teacher within the department if a professor is out sick or anything. He sometimes ends up being treated more like a personal assistant– sent out for coffee or lunch, asked to type up notes or sort paperwork, but he doesn’t mind. Vehicle: Ki-mun’s aunt and uncle bought him a white 1998 Honda Prelude when he graduated from high school, and he still has it to this day. He doesn’t drive much since it’s so impractical in the city, but he likes having it around as an option for longer trips, road trips, etc. Worldly Possessions: Tons of random art supplies– pencils, charcoal, sketchbooks, clay, paints, brushes, etc. Notebooks completely filled with poetry (with many of the poems scribbled out). A fancy smart TV. A bunch of bean bag chairs. A super nice tablet (Ki-Mun may have a bit of an obsession with having the latest technology~). Tons of socks– like, way too many socks. He has an entire dresser drawer just for his socks. Pet(s): A super adorable calico munchkin kitty named Bugsy.

A P P E A R A N C E Height: He says 5’8”, but he’s closer to 5’7”. Hair: Dark black. Very full, soft and shiny. Always seems to fall perfectly into place even with the bare minimum of effort. He usually just puts a bit of pomade in it and tousles it. Facial Hair: His facial hair is very patchy, so he doesn’t bother growing it out. Eye Colour: Brown Skin Tone: A makeup artist friend of his, Andi, occasionally asks to put makeup on Ki-mun as practice (and also for fun) and has informed Ki-mun that his skin tone is “warm beige.” She also informed Ki-mun that he is an Autumn– Ki-mun doesn’t know what that means, but he likes to share it as a fun fact anytime he has to introduce himself to a group of students. Clothing: Ki-mun dresses like a pretty typical hipster, honestly. Skinny jeans, oversized sweaters, band tees, peacoats, cardigans, leather jackets, etc. He usually wears contacts, but occasionally wears big ol’ glasses. Distinguishing Marks: Does being adorable count as a distinguishing feature? Face Claim: Justin H Min

H E A L T H Physical Health: Not bad. Ki-mun was born HIV positive, but has been taking antiretroviral medications since he was a kid. At this point, his viral load is basically non-existent and he is considered to be in remission, with a very good prognosis. Because of the medication he takes, his immune system is not the best, and he is much more susceptible to getting sick as a result. During cold and flu season, Ki-mun will often wear a mask when he’s out in public– his aunt and uncle ingrained that habit in him from a young age (and also wore masks themselves so he wouldn’t feel like the odd one out). Physical Abilities/Limitations: He’s decent at almost anything to do with art, but is especially good at drawing with charcoal. He also likes doing speed-sketches, figure sketches, etc. He is also weirdly good at baseball, and plays on the New York City Metro Baseball Team as part of the NY Blacksox during the season (June through August). Also, he is great at tossing food directly into people’s mouths– popcorn, M&Ms, etc. He hardly ever misses. Addictions: Definitely caffeine, but no serious addictions. Allergies: He gets a mild rash when he eats or touches strawberries. Mental Health: It’s not horrible? It’s not great, but not horrible. As much as he denies it, Ki-mun is pretty lonely, partly because he has such a hard time letting anyone in. He’s not the most trusting person, and tends to keep people at arms’ length until he’s sure they can be trusted. At the moment, he only has one person in his life that he would actually consider a friend. Everyone else is just an acquaintance to him. Ki-mun has sort of “accepted” the idea that he may end up being alone forever, even though that’s not really what he wants.

H I S T O R Y Summary: Ki-mun was born in Anaheim, California, and got off to a pretty rough start. His mother had AIDS, and unfortunately, it was passed on to Ki-mun. He was fine and had no symptoms for a few months, but eventually began to get sick, though thanks to swift treatment, he recovered quickly and the HIV never progressed. As Ki-mun got older, his mother’s health began to deteriorate, until finally they moved in with Ki-mun’s aunt and uncle so they could help take care of her. She eventually was bedridden and had to stay in the hospital full time. One of Ki-mun’s earliest memories is of visiting his mother in the hospital for the last time, which is absolutely one of his worst memories. After his mother passed away, Ki-mun’s aunt and uncle took him in and raised him as one of their own children. They love him like crazy and were amazing parents to him, and Ki-mun has always been grateful to them– not only for raising him, but for loving him as much as they love their actual children and never making him feel like he mattered less. He had a relatively happy childhood in spite of everything. After high school, Ki-mun decided to move to New York– he wanted a change of pace, and wanted a chance to start over and reinvent himself. He found a job and began taking classes at the community college, managed to get his associate’s degree after a year and a half, and transferred to NYU to get his Bachelors. Ki-mun was a very dedicated student and didn’t spend a lot of time getting to know any of his fellow classmates, going to parties, making friends, etc. Still, he ended up being roped into a friend/study group, which is where he ended up meeting Spencer. Spencer was the first person that Ki-mun had serious feelings for. They were friends for the better part of two years, each attracted to the other but both too nervous to say anything. Finally, a week before graduation, Ki-mun got up the courage to confess how he felt, and they became an official couple for all of one day. Unfortunately, once Ki-mun explained to Spencer about his diagnosis, Spencer flew off the handle and accused Ki-mun of being deceptive, being a liar, being manipulative, etc. He told Ki-mun he was disgusting and to never contact him again, and that was that. Shortly after Ki-mun’s heart was smashed to pieces, he packed up everything he owned and moved to a new area of the city, wanting to put at least a little bit of distance between himself and his old friend group. It was here that he met Andi and became close friends with her, and also found a job at CUNY Hunter College. Although Ki-mun feels that his life is generally good and happy– he enjoys his job, has a really good friend and coworkers he likes, he has gotten really into his poetry lately and has been reading it at open mic nights– he can’t help but feel that something is missing from his life. Job History: He worked in his aunt and uncle’s restaurant from ages fifteen to eighteen. When he moved to New York, he did a little bit of job hopping before finally settling on a job at a grocery store– he stayed at that job until he graduated from college and took his job at CUNY Hunter. Fondest Memories: Despite the fact that his childhood was pretty rough at times, Ki-mun has a lot of great memories as well. Family trips to Korea, various birthdays, his graduation day. He also has fond memories of his job at the grocery store– as much as he didn’t enjoy the work, he really liked his coworkers. Plus, all the various spur-of-the-moment adventures Andi has dragged him into. Worst Experiences: His mother dying when he was four years old. Finally getting to be with the person he’d been hung up on for two years, only to be broken up with after less than a day.

C O M M U N I C A T I O N Speech Pace/Style: Sarcastic. Often sounds like he might be annoyed. He speaks in monotone with most people, even when he’s not in a bad mood, so people often think he’s angry or doesn’t like them (and to be fair, they are sometimes correct). If he’s talking to a friend, he’ll definitely be more animated and not so grumpy. And if, by chance, he’s talking to someone he’s attracted to (*coughDODGERcough*) then he’ll get a little tongue-tied, like he wants to flirt but he doesn’t really know how. Accent: American. When he speaks Korean, his American accent does come through a bit, something his family likes to tease him about. Favorite Phrases or Words: When he’s done listening to someone and wants them to stop talking to him/stop telling him a boring story, he will just say “cool” in the most monotone voice he can manage. It usually works. Usual Curse Words: He says “Jesus Christ” and “oh fuck” a lot.

P E R S O N A L I T Y, M I N D S E T, A N D B E L I E F S Personality Type: ISFP-T Sense of Humor: Definitely sarcastic and dry. He can be mean at times, but usually only if the person deserves it. As a result, Ki-mun has been described as “sassy” more than once. When he’s with people he actually likes, Ki-mun is a lot more lighthearted and not so sarcastic. Habits: Twists his lips a little when he’s thinking hard. Rolls his eyes when someone says something he thinks is dumb. Also rolls his eyes and sighs if he’s stuck in a conversation he really doesn’t want to have. When he’s reading his poetry out loud, he never looks up at the audience/whoever is listening because he’ll get too nervous if he sees everyone looking at him. Fears/Phobias: As much as he tries to act like he doesn’t care what anyone thinks of him, Ki-mun is very secretive about certain aspects of himself, and is very afraid of someone finding out more about him than he wants them to know. He can’t stand having his privacy invaded, and it honestly makes him feel sick to think of the wrong person knowing too much about him (he still hates that he ever let himself be so vulnerable with Spencer, and blames himself for not seeing more clearly what kind of person he was). Strengths: Ki-mun is very creative and has a knack for all kinds of art. Although it’s hard to get to know him, once he becomes friends with someone, he is fiercely loyal and would do anything for them. As a teacher/teaching assistant, he is exceptionally patient– much more so than in other aspects of his life. He is always happy to answer questions and help anyone student who needs it. Underneath his harsh exterior, Ki-mun is a kind person who just has trouble opening himself up to others. Flaws: He has built up a lot of walls around himself in an effort to try and keep himself from getting hurt. Every time he’s let those walls down, he’s ended up regretting it and building them back up even higher. Anyone who wants to get to know him has to be very determined. Ki-mun is also not the type of person to be nice just because social conventions say he should– if he doesn’t like someone, he won’t talk to them. If he thinks someone is boring, he will tell them so. He can’t stand small talk and will never willingly engage in it. This makes him a very difficult person to interact with. Hopes/Desires: He is not entirely sure what he wants to do with his life, but right now, he’s happy just working and exploring his options. All he knows is that he wants to keep writing poetry, possibly get some published, and keep working in a field that lets him play to his strengths. Wildest Fantasy: A cure for HIV/AIDS being found. Self-Esteem: It’s a little complicated. On some level, Ki-mun is confident in himself and proud of all he’s accomplished in his life. But at the same time, he has it in his head that he doesn’t deserve some of the things he wants, such as a romantic relationship, marriage, a family, etc. He kind of views himself as damaged goods, unfortunately. Religion: He was raised Protestant, and his family used to be fairly devout. He went to church every Sunday, they read scriptures and said a family prayer every night, etc. But the older the kids got, the less active in the church the entire family became. His parents and siblings are still casually religious, and Ki-mun has held on to certain aspects of it, but he doesn’t care about going to church or reading the bible or anything.

R A N D O M Sleeping Position: Usually on his stomach, occasionally on his back. Boxers or Briefs?: Briefs Day or Night?: He’s okay with both. He works during the day, which he likes, and in the late afternoon/evening he goes to the cafe and hangs out or reads his poetry. Top or Bottom?: Bottom, but he’s willing to switch if his partner wants to. Partying or Relaxing?: He likes parties, but he really prefers relaxing when it comes right down to it.

R E L A T I O N S H I P S Closest Friend: Andi is currently the only person Ki-mun would call a friend. He has a lot of acquaintances, but no one else that he’s really close to. Relationship History: He dated a couple of people in high school, but it was just puppy love and nothing serious. He had a couple of flings in college as well, just short-lived, purely physical relationships, and the only sexual encounters Ki-mun has ever had. And then there was Spencer. Ki-mun has not even been on a date since that whole debacle. Sexual Partners: Just the two guys Ki-mun had brief flings with. Thoughts About Sex: He enjoys it. He’s also pretty sure he’s never going to have it again, and has come to accept that.

P A R E N T S Name(s): His mother’s name was Seong Bo-ram. His aunt and uncle are named Park Min-ji and Park Kang-dae. Age(s): His mother passed away at the age of 28. His aunt is 57 and his uncle is 60. Social Standing: His mother was very well-liked, but was shunned by a lot of her friends after she not only became pregnant out of wedlock, but ended up contracting HIV. His aunt and uncle are well-respected in their community, and also well-off financially, firmly in the upper middle class. Occupation(s): His mom was a flight attendant. His aunt and uncle run a small Korean restaurant which is extremely popular– on weekends there’s often a line of people outside waiting to get in. Religion: Protestant-ish. Quality of Relationship With Their Children: Ki-mun’s mom loved him a ton– the reason she left him to her sister and brother-in-law is because she knew they would love Ki-mun as much as she did, and she was right. Ki-mun is still very close to his aunt and uncle. Living/Deceased: His mother is dead, but his aunt and uncle are alive.

S I B L I N G (S) Name(s): Park Kang-min, Jang-mi (aka Jamie) Sanders, and Park Bo-ram (named after Ki-mun’s mother). Age(s): 33, 31, and 27. Social Standing: They’re all doing quite well in life and are upstanding members of society. Occupation(s): Kang-min is a commercial airline pilot, Jamie is currently a stay-at-home mom but plans to go back to work as an RN once her kids are a little older, and Bo-ram is a violinist with the California Symphony. Religion: They’re all sorta Protestant, but Jamie is the only one of them who still goes to church now and then. Quality of Relationship with Character: Even though they are technically Ki-mun’s cousins, they always refer to him as their brother. They’re all pretty close; they don’t talk all the time or anything, but when they do, they get along very well and have always enjoyed each other’s company. Living/Deceased: All living~

D A I L Y L I F E Living Arrangements: Ki-mun lives in a modest studio apartment fairly close to both his work and Central Park. The apartment is well-decorated, with a lived-in, cozy sort of look. He’s very comfortable where he is, not at all bothered by living in a small space, especially considering how much more expensive it would be to upgrade to a one-bedroom.

#character: seong ki-mun #character sheet #ship: moondog

2 notes · View notes

castielss · 5 years ago

Text

POSITIVE 20 QUESTIONS TAG GAME

i was tagged by @starlightcastiel @hopeisthewholepoint thank you so so much you cutiesssss

1. Name 4 fictional characters who showcase your personality the best, with explanations if you want.

well my mutuals where so kind to give me 2

Charlie Bradbury: Nerdy and bubbly and a talkative person, i’m not a raging lesbian but I would go gay for some folks

Donna Hanscum: Chatty, loves food and she’s also super badass and clever, I like to think I’m like her

Castiel: a little bit awkward, a little bit weird, doesn’t get the joke at first but would fiercely defend the ones he loves

Dean: Daddy issues, also will defend the ones he loves with his life and a little dorky and a little nerdy with a love for burgers, hi!

2. Aesthetic

Well I have one in my personal blog @starcrosslovers, it’s pale meets vintage meets dark academia

In this one is just multifandom mess

3. Favorite musical/play?

Well I will go with musicals that are movies cuz I’m seen those, so Phantom of the Opera blew my mind!

Oh and I also watched live Violin on the Roof, it was amazing!

I really wanted to go watch Cursed Child

4. What is the best compliment you’ve ever received?

People telling me I have talent or that what I did was beautiful and such, I’m very bad at this lmao

5. How many times have you been in love?

I was in love 2 times and both of the times I was miserable, the first time I denied my love and the second time i was hella rejected, now I have a fucking crush that I can’t do nothing about

6. Embarrassing story or fact about yourself that makes you laugh now?

oh my I have a really bad one lmao, last year when my football club won the cup me and my friend went to celebrate, it was AWESOMEE,by the end there was like the most annoying channel there is here in Portugal CM TV, homies you know the one and the reporter interviewed me (when I said “interview” I say, shoved the micro in my face and asked 2 questions, it was so fast it game whiplash) and I mixed up the name of the coah and my fave player and I didn’t noticed until after it ended, I’m pretty sure that might be out somewhere btw. if you read this all props

7. Favorite Disney/Pixar movie?

Incredibles, Bug’s Life, Cars and Monsters Inc, childhood right HERE

8. Favorite flower or plant?

I love freesias and tulips

9. What’s your favorite holiday?

It used to be Christmas and I still try and make most of it but my fam (aka dad made it just, well just)

10. Name three things that made you laugh or smile this past week.

Misha Collins GISH seminars it was so so good and I learning A LOT

Jensen with his nails painted and his fluffy hair

Seeing old photos of myself when I was like 5y old

11. What song would you play to introduce yourself to someone?

Right now something either by Dua Lipa new album, some Hozier song or a Ed Sheeran song

12. Name something that truly makes you feel peaceful even at your most stressed moments.

Supernatural, music and a good book

13. What do you, did you, or would you study at college?

I would study History of Art, I am really contemplating that in the future

14. This is kind of a weird one, but which outfit of yours makes you feel most like yourself?

Jeans with a graphic tee, with my trench and converse, or my cool knited sweater, cute jeans and my Nike sneakers

15. What is a quote you live by?

I don’t live by a quote I live by multiple quotes, but mostly I live by be you and the other don’t like it well fuck it

16. Name the funniest playlist name you have.

i don’t have any lmao I am so plain it hurts

17. Make a reference to an inside joke you have with someone you love with zero context.

She’s so fucking crazy I can’t even

18. What is a message you would give your younger self if given the chance?

Grow a pair and believe in your fucking self and slap those bitches that bullied you

19. Who is your favorite family member? (If you have no good blood family members, feel free to mention someone in your found family)

my mom is my rock, my grandma in my dad’s side and my uncles from my dad’s side

20. What’s a secret dream of yours?

to find someone to love and that loves me back and to be at peace

Well that’s it! Feel free to do this or not, but this was very very cool!

tagging: @huckleberrycas @bisexualthors @bibelphegor @adorkabledean @jensenckles @gomez-michelle @angel-e-v-a @florenepugh @killingseve

#tag games #thank u loves

10 notes · View notes

dustofinsanity · 4 years ago

Text

aesthetic tag ✨

rules: bold the aesthetics you relate to and add twenty of your own aesthetic qualities for others to bold

tagged by: The one and only!! The wonderful!! The amazing!! The talented and incomparable PAPA!! Also known as @defgyus 💜

tagging: no one but, if you wanna do it, just say I tagged you.

soft

dark academia

edgy

seventies

preppy casual

cinanamon - steph

jaesmintea - dia

naptimetea - helena

jeonginks

scxrlettwxtches

hyunsracha - sav!

lveletters

dnceracha - sydni

bamshine - sae

jjinyounf - cres

flowerbeom - kat

focusgyeom - leena

defgyus - val

defnabeom - nauan

#tag game

2 notes · View notes

take-your-need · 11 months ago

Text

#womens wear #unique gifts #christmas gift #christmas shopping #design #ail art #Nail Design #cute nails #pretty nails

0 notes

shiningwonho · 4 years ago

Text

tagged by @dnceracha!

i tag @presenteyesonyou @1of1orbit @notbythymoon @defaura @jjinyounf

rules: bold the aesthetics you relate to and add twenty of your own aesthetic qualities for others to bold

soft

dark academia

edgy

seventies

preppy casual

cinanamon - steph

jaesmintea - dia

naptimetea - helena

jeonginks

scxrlettwxtches

hyunsracha - sav!

lveletters

dnceracha - sydni

bamshine - sae

#tag meme #about me #WOW THIS TOOK A WHILE AHSJFASD #i understand if y'all don't wanna do it

2 notes · View notes

sxfterhearts · 4 years ago

Text

aesthetics tag!!

tagged by @flowerbeom 💞💞 (thank you kat!! hope you’ve been doing alright 🥰)

rules: bold the aesthetics you relate to and add twenty of your own aesthetic qualities for others to bold

tagging: anyone who wants to do this HAHA (im so late oops)

soft

dark academia

edgy

seventies

preppy casual

cinanamon - steph

jaesmintea - dia

naptimetea - helena

jeonginks

scxrlettwxtches

hyunsracha - sav!

lveletters

dnceracha - sydni

bamshine - sae

jjinyounf - cres

flowerbeom - kat

sxfterhearts - rach

#tag game #gtkm!#this was sooo fun i am so late but yea :")

1 note · View note

lovemesomesurveys · 4 years ago

Text

1 - When was the last time you met someone for the first time? I met with a new doctor a couple weeks ago.

2 - What’s the longest amount of time you’ve gone without bathing? Well, without having a physical shower I’ve gone a few months after having surgeries, but I had bed baths in the meantime.

3 - Have you ever cooked with crab or lobster? Could you ever bring yourself to kill a live lobster/crab? No and no. I don’t even like seafood for one, but I certainly wouldn’t want to cook something while it’s still alive. I couldn’t do it.

4 - What’s your favourite font? What size and colour do you prefer to use when you’re doing surveys? I like Tahoma, Georgia, Verdana, and Times New Roman. Well, I do my surveys on here, so text posts are whatever Tumblr’s settings are.

5 - Have your clothing choices changed since COVID hit and you started to stay at home more? No. My clothing choices starting changing a few years ago since I started staying home more due to health reasons. I live in leggings and oversized graphic tees.

6 - When was the last time you went through a drive-through? I personally haven’t in awhile. I get food and Starbucks via drive-thru often, but I’m not the one going.

7 - Which fast food restaurant do you go to the most? What do you tend to order when you go there? If I get fast food it’s usually either Carl’s Jr, Jack in the Box, or McDonald’s. At Carl’s Jr I get their chicken tenders, fries, and a cheesecake. At Jack I usually get their breakfast burrito with a hash brown, but sometimes I’ll get their potato wedges and egg rolls. At McDonald’s I either get a couple breakfast burritos and a hash brown, or a Big Mac and fries.

8 - Do you own any plaid/flannel shirts? No. I used to really be into plaid for the fall, but like I said my style changed over the last few years and I ended up getting rid of a lot of clothes, including my plaid.

9 - If you eat it, how do you like your steak cooked? What sauces and sides do you like to get with it? If you’re vegetarian, what would you have instead of a steak dinner? I don’t eat steak, but I’m not a vegetarian. Instead of steak I’d get like chicken tenders or boneless wings.

10 - Are there any foods and drinks you only have around Christmas? The only thing I have around Christmas that I don’t other times of the year is egg nog.

11 - Does it bother you when dogs jump up at you? Does it bother you less if it’s a smaller dog? Yeah, it actually makes me a little nervous and uncomfortable because they’re bigger than me as someone in a wheelchair. And while they may just do it playfully, they can sometimes be too rough. None of my dogs, including my doggo now, were jumpers so it’s not something I’m used to.

12 - What kind of animal did you touch last? Was this animal one of your pets? My doggo.

13 - Which colour do you prefer, red or blue? I like both.

14 - How would you describe your sense of humour? Have you ever offended someone when you were only joking? I guess cheesy/corny/punny? Whatever strikes me as funny. And yes, it has happened before.

15 - When was the last time you cried - what caused it? Recently- depression.

16 - What’s your favourite flavour of potato chip? I don’t really eat chips anymore, but regular potato chips with ranch dip is good. Sour cream and Onion, too.

17 - Do you have a lot of artwork around your house? What kind of art? We have a few different pieces.

18 - When you paint your nails, what kind of colours do you tend to go for? I haven’t painted my nails in years, but my favorite honestly was just black. I liked other colors as well, but black was my go-to.

19 - Do you prefer fruit or vegetable juice? What kind of flavours do you like? Neither, but definitely not vegetable juice. I’m just not a juice person in general.

20 - What’s the weather doing where you are? Is that typical for this time for this time of year? We’re having normal wintery weather for us.

21 - Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone? How did you meet this person? My mom. We met when I was born.

22 - Are you eating or drinking anything right now? I have a Starbucks Doubleshot energy drink.

23 - Who was your first celebrity crush? Which celebrity do you like now? Aaron Carter was my first. And ya’ll know my love for Alexander Skarsgard.

24 - When was the last time you went to Starbucks? What did you get? I had a peppermint white chocolate mocha on Monday. I’ll probably get one today.

25 - Do you have a credit card? How much money do you owe on there? I have a few. I’m not saying how much debt I have :X

26 - What colours have you dyed your hair in the past? What kind of colours would you like to dye it in the future? Blonde highlights, black, and red. I’ve been dyeing it red for the past 5 years and still really like it, so I plan to keep it for the foreseeable future. I’m very overdue for a dye job, though.

27 - What’s your favourite Christmas movie? When was the last time you watched it? I have several favorites. I listed them all once in a recent Christmas survey, I don’t feel like doing it again.

28 - What’s your favourite brand and flavour of ice-cream or frozen yoghurt? I like strawberry, mint chocolate chip, and birthday cake ice cream flavors. It’s been a few years since I’ve had ice cream, though. I was never a big ice cream person.

29 - When was the last time you visited the dentist? It’s been quite awhile to be perfectly honest.

30 - What time do you consider to be too early to go to bed and to get up in the morning? When was the last time you went to bed/got up at those times? Well, my sleep schedule is a complete joke, so. I stay up until the early hours and sleep until the late afternoon.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

2 notes · View notes

1soos · 4 years ago

Text

tagged by @1of1orbit

i tag: no one. i have no friends on here anymore lkdsjf

rules: bold the aesthetics you relate to and add twenty of your own aesthetic qualities for others to bold

soft

dark academia

edgy

seventies

preppy casual

cinanamon - steph

jaesmintea - dia

naptimetea - helena

jeonginks

scxrlettwxtches

hyunsracha - sav!

lveletters

dnceracha - sydni

bamshine - sae

1of1orbit - nes

1soos - kirby

#please if you want to do this let me know and i will tag you #tag games #this really did take me so long #about me

1 note · View note

sprnklersplashes · 6 years ago

Text

burning the memories

AO3

On a trip to visit her grandparents and Aunt Veronica in Ohio, Janis comes across her Aunt's high school memories and learns more about her than she thought she could. Veronica's past comes back to haunt her and she realises she can't outrun it unless she lets it go.

Words: 7k

(Set in a universe where Veronica is Janis’ aunt)

Janis is convinced her Aunt Veronica is the coolest person on the planet. From living on her own with her two cats in her New York apartment to being a kick ass social worker to somehow always knowing exactly what Janis wants every birthday and Christmas, there is no one like her. Her style still seems stuck in the 1980s; she’s almost always wearing a blue blazer and a skirt but she makes it work. She still turns heads and despite a few flings with men and women here and there, she doesn’t seem to want to commit to anyone. She just flies above it all, not caring about what anyone else has to say, stating simply that she ran out of fucks to give in 1989.

So of course, when her mom proposes that they go to his childhood home in Ohio during the summer to meet up with her and her grandparents, Janis has her suitcase half-packed. Aunt Veronica is the one thing that can make these reunion trips worth it. It’s worth the four hour drive in her dad’s car and people asking if she has a boyfriend yet and having that awkward conversation (how many times can people “forget” that she’s a lesbian?), casting eyes at the tips of her hair and her clothes and fake nails and heavy make-up, the rolling eyes and fake smiles when Janis tells them about her plans to study art. She has to fight the urge to flip them off until she can get home and vent everything to Veronica in private over coffee.

They get into her grandparents’ place first, with her grandma remarking how much she’s grown and asking about school and giving her cookies and her grandpa handing her a ten dollar bill and asking if she’s keeping her hair like that and mentioning how her outfit (graphic tee shirt, ripped black shorts, fishnet tights and an oversized blue shirt) is very creative.

“Creative is one word for it,” a voice says from behind the stairs. She turns and sees a thin, dark haired woman in a blue blazer and grey skinny jeans leaning on the banister, smirking.

“Aunt Veronica!” Janis laughs, running up for a hug.

“You got tall,” she remarks, throwing her arms around her and squeezing her tightly. “Though that might the boots.”

Within half an hour they’re all sitting around the kitchen table. It’s more cramped now than it probably was when her mom and Aunt Veronica were living there, but her grandpa insists on sitting on the armchair in the corner to make room.

“So Janis how’s school?” her grandma asks, pushing her pasta bake around on her plate.

“Fine,” she says. “I won a prize at this art expo.”

“Oh my god, Janis, that’s awesome!” Veronica says, nudging her with her elbow. “What was it?”

“It was this portrait I did of me and Damian and Cady,” she explains. “Cady’s new, she just joined this year.”

“She moved there from Kenya, right Jan?” her dad adds, refilling his glass of Coke. “Janis stepped in to help show her the ropes.”

“Well that was sweet of you,” her grandpa remarks from the chair.

“What brought her from Kenya to Illinois?” Veronica asks, snickering slightly.

“She said her parents were researcher zoologists until they lost their funding,” she explains. “But yeah, Cady’s pretty cool. I mean, she’s a little weird, but she’s awesome.”

“And… how is Damian?” her grandma asks, twirling her fork around, and Janis suppresses the urge to groan.

“Damian’s great, Grandma,” she says patiently. “He just started dating this boy from his drama club, so that’s great.” Beside her, she swears Veronica laughs before disguising it with a drink.

“And what about you, Janis? Any girls making your head turn?” she asks, looking over at her grandma.

Coolest. Woman. Alive.

“Not really,” she says, looking down at her plate. No girls had really caught her eye-except for the girl Damian took to calling ‘Danny DeVito girl’ after that one episode in the bathroom, but she knew her name was Gianna. Still, she barely sees her outside of history class.

“Oh, Ronnie, before I forget,” her grandma said. “We found a bunch of your old high school stuff in your old room. It was all boxed up, we didn’t know what you want done with it. It must have been left here when you moved out.”

“Oh, thanks,” Veronica says. “I’ll take a look at it tomorrow.” She stays quiet for the rest of the meal, making small, three word comments on whatever comes up in conversation, even about her own job, which is weird, as well as supremely disappointing. There’s few things Janis loves more than hearing about how she took another kid off shithole parents, and Veronica loves talking about it. Still, she shakes off whatever was bothering her when the apple pie is rolled out, sliding second helpings onto Janis’ plate when no-one’s looking.

“You know,” Veronica says in a low voice while the rest of the adults are stuck in conversation about the traffic on the way up. “If you don’t have any plans this summer… maybe you could come up to New York for a bit?”

“Are you serious?” Janis asks, feeling her heart begin to pound.

“Sure,” she says. “I know there’s art galleries around where I live that you’d love, and I’d get some quality time with my favourite niece.”

“Your only niece,” she reminds her, but she can’t supress the smile on her face. If she were Cady, she’d probably start squealing. “Thank you, Aunt Veronica!”

“Let me talk it over with your parents first,” she reminds her, placing her hand over hers and draining her glass.

“You’re the coolest person here,” Janis says, and Veronica blushes, laughing. “When and how did you get to be so cool?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” she says, her voice quiet.

Janis leans on the doorframe of her Aunt Veronica’s old room, having snuck away from the brunch discussions of what their neighbours were growing in their garden. She knocks on the wood, holding a plate of French toast, fried eggs and bacon in one hand. Veronica looks up from the box sitting on her bed. The bed is covered with all sorts; photos, books, clothes, all from her aunt’s high school years.

“I come with gifts,” Janis says, waving the plate in front of her. “You wouldn’t want to miss Grandma’s French toast, would you?”

“Of course not,” she says, taking the plate from her with a grateful smile.

“Is it cool if I hang here?” Janis asks, sitting on the bed like the question was already answered. “I’ll go insane if I spend any more time down there.”

“Sure, kid,” she says, placing the plate on her nightstand and taking a piece of bacon in her hand. There’s something in her face, how her smile doesn’t quite meet her eyes, how her eyes look kind of… well, scared. “Feel free to check out the Westerburg High memorabilia.”

Janis picks up a pile of polaroids and starts looking through them.

“You know these are back in fashion now,” she remarks, waving the photos. “This girl… my friend Karen, she loves them.” It’s odd, referring to the Plastics as “friends” now that they’ve disbanded. She’ll never in her life refer to Regina as one, but Gretchen’s not too bad and Karen is actually kind of fun, in a lost kitten kind of way that makes Janis want to protect her for the rest of her life. “Is this you?” The girl in the photo has to be Veronica, same cheekbones and wild dark hair and brown eyes and cheesy, wide smile (Janis kind of feels like she’s looking in a mirror), but she looks way different. She’s wearing a long red dress and denim jacket, a far cry from what she wears now. She looks like she didn’t even look in the mirror before leaving the house.

“Yeah, that’s me. March 1989,” she reads. “I was a junior.” She chuckles under her breath. “God you’re the spitting image of me at that age. I think that was my best friend Martha’s 17th birthday.” She points at the other girl in the photo, dark haired with glasses and a pink sweatshirt. “Yeah, she was my best friend from diapers.”

“What’s she doing now?”

“Kindergarten teacher up here,” she says with a soft smile. “Martha loves Sherwood so much she couldn’t leave if she tried. We’re still close though.” Janis hums and continues looking through them, finding more photos of Veronica and her friend Martha, sitting at school, in the park, in what she guesses is Martha’s room, all while Veronica keeps looking through the other stuff.

Suddenly, she finds one in which her aunt seems to have done a complete metamorphosis. Gone is the frumpy, slightly too big clothes of the ones before, in this one she’s in a fitted blue blazer and grey miniskirt, her eyelids blue and lips red, standing in someone’s backyard with a croquet mallet on her shoulder with three other girls; a tall, blonde girl in a red blazer and shoulder pads, a bright red scrunchie in her hair and a smirk that echoes Regina George on her face, a smaller blonde girl in yellow whose hair is in curls and an Asian girl in green with her hair pinned back. They’re all wearing the same style of all-American preppy blazers and miniskirts, and all have croquet mallets matching the colour of their clothes. While they all stand in a cluster, Veronica distances herself slightly from them, but still leaning in and still smiling at the camera. Along the bottom, someone wrote ‘Heather, Heather, Heather and Veronica-September 12th, 1989’.

“Woah, Aunt V,” she remarks. “What happened in September 1989?”

“What?” Veronica asks hastily. She comes over and looks at the photo in Janis’ hands and her face turns red.

“Aunt V?”

“It’s fine,” she says, not clarifying what ‘it’ is. “For a while… I was friends with some popular girls.”

“You were a plastic?” she asks in disbelief. No way. She refuses to believe that Veronica was ever a Regina George.

“Plastic?” she repeats, wrinkling her nose.

“It’s what we called this trio of megabitches in my school,” Janis explains. “Gretchen, Karen, and Regina George at the centre of it all.”

“Oh, that bitch Regina,” Veronica says. When her life fell apart after the “space dyke” incident, it was Veronica who had sped like crazy down the freeway to Illinois and took her out for ice cream and movies until she could smile again. She had even offered to pay for her to go to a private school in New York when her parents pulled her out. She could never be a Regina George. “We called them the Heathers. There was Heather Duke…” She points at the green one. “Heather MacNamara…” The yellow one. “And… Heather Chandler.” Her finger lands on the red one. She takes in a deep breath.

“I take it Chandler was your Regina,” she says. “Why were they all called Heather?”

“Universe is weird like that,” she answers off handedly. She’s staring at the photo so intensely she might burn a hole through it.

“Aunt V… you okay?” she asks.

“Fine,” she says, shaking her head. “We weren’t friends for that long anyway. We were at this homecoming party and they wanted to do this really bitchy thing to my friend. So….” She twirls a lock of hair around her finger. “I puked on Chandler and told her to lick it up.”

“Oh my God!” Janis laughs. “You’re such a badass, Aunt V!” Veronica chuckles and shakes her head. She looks around at the stuff around her, two cardboard boxes worth of high school memories.

“I’m going to get some trash bags. At least half of this stuff I want to throw out.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. It’s just junk now,” she says. “Be right back.” She runs out the door, her footsteps fading as she went down the hall. Janis keeps flicking through the photos, mainly ones of her and the Heathers.

The she finds another one. Veronica, still in the “popular girl” look, sitting on a wall, staring up at the sky, laughing. Then the next one, a dark-haired, brown-eyed boy is on the wall with her. The camera is so close that he must be holding it. The old school selfie. His arm is around her and the other holds the camera. She rests her chin on his shoulder, her smile easy and open, her eyes sparkling. The boy is smiling too. The writing on the bottom reads “September 30th, 1989, Our Love Is God”. The next one is them cuddling, him standing behind her with his arms wrapped around her, kissing the back of her head while she laughs. Someone else must have taken it for them or they set it on a timer. “October 3rd, 1989, You’re in my heart like a Madonna on a pedestal.” And another one of Veronica standing against a brick wall, her hands flat against the wall and one foot leaning against it “October 10th, 1989, We love the things we love for what they are”. And another of the boy, who clearly doesn’t know he’s having his photo taken, drinking a red slushie. “October 15th, 1989, JD doesn’t know I’m taking a picture and still looks good”.

“Holy shit, Aunt V,” Janis mutters. Who knew she had a thing for bad boys? She flicks through more photos, all of her and Mysterious Trench Coat Kid (JD, she assumes), until she finds herself back at the start. She puts the pile down and keeps sorting through stuff, finding a yearbook and older class notebooks and a small, black book with 1989 written on the spine in gold lettering.

Holy shit. Her diary.

She looks over at the door and back at the book. She knows it’s wrong. She knows she shouldn’t look through her aunt’s private stuff. But then again, it’s from 1989, what could she have done as a teenager that she’s so scared of people finding out? And… Okay, she really just wants to know who the mysterious JD was.

“September 1st, 1989, Dear Diary,

I believe I’m a good person, you know I think that there’s good in everyone, but here we are, first day of senior year. And I look around at these kids I’ve known all my life and ask myself…. What happened?....”

“September 22nd, 1989, Dear Diary

It’s been three weeks since I became friends with the Heathers. Well, friends isn’t exactly the right word. It’s like the Heathers are people who I work with and our job is being popular and shit.”

“Still September 22nd, 1989, Dear Diary,

Why when you see boys fight does it look so horrible, but feel so right? I shouldn’t watch this crap, that’s not who I am, but with Mr No Name Kid here… damn.”

“October 2nd, 1989, Dear Diary,

JD’s dad will not be speaking at our wedding.”

Holy shit, she thinks. Wedding? She was planning a wedding already? Calm down there, Aunt Veronica. So JD. It had to have been a nickname. It suits the boy she sees in the photo-the rebellious bad boy apparently sweeping her off her feet. She imagines some sort of Bonnie and Clyde style love affair, or a Romeo and Juliet whirlwind where Veronica’s dad had been desperate to keep his squeaky clean girl away from the troublemaker?

She hears her footsteps in the hall and quickly closes the book, dropping it back in the box. Aunt Veronica comes back in with two trash bags in one hand and a coffee mug in the other.

“Sorry, got sidetracked by coffee, although I did bring you a cookie,” she says, handing her over one.

“Thanks,” she says, taking a bite out of it while Veronica starts tossing bits and pieces into one of the bags. “So… who’s JD?”

Something changes in her. Janis expected her to blush or laugh off the bad boy she seemingly had a little affair with as a teenager; instead the bag falls from her hand, her eyes look up at her, wide and fearful, her breathing gets faster, her face paler. She looks so much younger now, like the seventeen year old she saw in the photos.

“JD?” she repeats weakly. “Where… how did you hear about JD?”

“I found some pictures of you and him.” She slides her hands into her back pockets, regret pounding in her chest. Veronica picks up the photos and Janis can see them shaking in her hands. She feels like she opened up Pandora’s Box, unleashing all the terrors inside. Another terror sits heavily in her chest, fighting its way up her throat and out of her mouth almost against her will. She could never keep stuff from Veronica. “And… I may have peaked in your old diary.”

“My diary?” she asks sharply. “My 1989 diary? You looked in there?” Her voice gets more frantic and Janis gets more scared and even more guilty. She can feel her ‘favourite niece’ status slipping away.

“I know, I’m sorry I shouldn’t have looked in there!” she apologises. “I’m sorry, Aunt V.”

“What did you read in it?” she asks. If Janis didn’t know better, she’d have sworn she was scared. No, she is beyond scared. Terrified is a more accurate term. Veronica looks like she’s struggling to catch her breath, her fists curling and uncurling. “Janis I need to know; what did you read in it?”

“Nothing important,” she says. “Just… like the stuff about the people in your senior year and the Heathers were people you worked with and how JD’s dad wasn’t going to be speaking at your wedding!” She feels her lip begin to tremble and she swears to herself she won’t cry. “I’m sorry, Aunt Veronica, I know I shouldn’t have look in it.”

Veronica sighs and lowers herself on to the bed, burying her face in her hands.

“It’s okay,” she says. “It’s okay, Janis. I’m sorry I got so worked up.” She pulls Janis’ hand and gets to her sit down next to her. She lets out a breath and laughs slightly, running a hand through her hair. “JD was my boyfriend in senior year.”

“That much I gathered,” she jokes. “I mean…Our Love Is God isn’t something you’d say to your friends.”

“He said all kinds of stuff like that,” she tells her. She pulls her jacket tighter around herself, her eyes filling with tears. Janis puts an arm around her.

“It ended badly?” she asks softly. Veronica stays quiet, looking at her hands.

“He killed himself,” she whispers after a while.

“Shit,” Janis says. “Aunt Veronica, I’m so sorry.” Veronica threads her fingers in Janis’.

“Kid, it was nearly 30 years ago,” she says. “I’m not… I’m not over it but, I guess I moved on.” She reaches over with her free hand and takes the pile of photos, looking at the one of him and her at the 7/11. “And yeah… it wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows when he was alive. His dad was an ass, for starters. He messed JD up pretty bad. And that’s…” She wipes tears away from her eyes and Janis’ heart breaks. She wishes she’d never looked at the damn photos. “I guess that’s why I try so hard now. Try to take kids off bad dads like that. Stop future JDs in their tracks.”

“Aunt V,” Janis protests. “You know it’s not your job to stop people, right? If people are bad, then they’re bad.”

“I know,” she says. “I just never stopped thinking what if his dad had been good? Or if someone had looked out for him.” Janis wants to shake her head and tell her that his problems don’t matter if he hurt her (and she can tell that he did) but she keeps her mouth shut. “I’m sorry for getting mad, Jan. And for unloading all of this on you.”

“It’s fine,” she says. “I’m sorry I read your diary.” Veronica shakes her head and pulls her into a hug.

“You know, you’re the only one in this family who knows he was my boyfriend?” she asks. “My mom and dad thought that we were just friends and your mom was away at college while it was all going down.” Janis smiles, feeling small sense of pride amongst all her guilt. Sharing a secret with her aunt, even if it’s about her bad boy former flame. Though she does wonder how her grandparents missed the fact that they were more than friends.

She knows there’s more she’s not telling, and she’s more than okay with that. First things first, she knows she doesn’t want to know exactly what went down between them. She’s not sure she can stomach the details. And she knows that it’s probably better if Aunt Veronica keeps them to herself.

By Veronica’s count, it’s been twenty one years since her last JD related nightmare. Her and her partner Anna had just started getting serious, and Anna was staying over at her house. That night, while curled up next to her, Veronica had dreamed about Anna pounding on her closet door while she barricaded herself inside, telling her about after and destiny and how they were meant to be together, the words “meant to be yours” being repeated over and over again until the voice turned into something different. Into him.

She had woken up screaming and she broke up with Anna the next week.

Still, after that episode, she went twenty one years nightmare free.

Until she bolted up in bed at 2:30 am, muffling her scream with her hands, an old trick she learned in college, feeling her heart in a frantic rhythm against her ribs.

She had dreamed about him blowing himself up again up again, except this time he was taking her down with him. She still feels her arms wrapped around him, the bomb digging into her chest, her fingers fisting in his coat as he tells her again “I worship you” and she just numbly nods, Heather Chandler pressing against her, whispering “see you in Hell, biotch” just before the bomb goes off and rips her to pieces.

After senior year, she had stashed everything into a box and hid it under a pile of other stuff in her room, hoping to never have to look at it again. She had almost forgotten about everything that was in there. It’s everything she wishes she could erase from her memory about her time in high school. Everything she regrets and misses the most.

She kicks the blankets off her, feeling suffocated by them, and looks at the bags of trash filled with all her high school memories. She had just wanted to get rid of all of it, clean the slate, to use JD’s turn of phrase, act like those months had never existed, but now she’s not so sure.

She gets up and opens one, looking at its contents from the lamp on her bedside table. She still can’t sleep in the dark, even now. Inside there’s her old notebooks and clothes that haven’t fit since she was a teenager and her old yearbook. She pulls out the yearbook, running her finger down the spine. She somehow opens it to the last page she wants to see; “In Memory Of Heather Chandler”. Heather’s photo beams out from the middle of the double page, all red lipstick and blonde curls. Words from students crowd around it “Always In Our Hearts”, “Rest In Power Heather”, “Drinking Rum and Coke With The Angels” (because there’s plenty of that in Heaven), “I’m Sorry I Didn’t Know” “You Deserved Better” (well maybe that’s not an unfair statement). And pride of place, close as possible to her picture “Best Friends Forever-Heather M” and “Miss You Forever-Heather D”.

She turns the page and finds Kurt and Ram’s memorial page, adorned with rainbows. She bites her lip as tears well in her eyes. More messages from the students are scattered around the page, promises to make the world a better place, to stamp out bigotry and prejudice. Apparently their dads did that until the day they died.

When she turns the page, there’s one more memorial page; Jason Dean. It’s blindingly different from the other two. One picture of him in the middle, God knows where they got it because it wasn’t taken at school. A little blurb explaining how he came into the school in September and died in November during the pep rally. The official explanation was that he had killed himself during the rally by blowing himself up in the football field.

Veronica had forged a pretty great note for it.

Hardly anyone had any words to say about him, though a couple of well-intentioned kids on the yearbook committee added some. “I Wish I’d Known Him” (trust me, she had thought when she first read it, you don’t), “Rest In Peace, Jason”, “Your Time With Us Was Short But Wonderful”. In the corner, there’s her handwriting, “I wish you’d stayed around a little longer”, then scribbled out so violently the page tore. She wishes a lot of things, but not that he had stayed around. Not in the way he was anyway.

She puts the yearbook aside and keeps looking through it, finding an old videotape. No title, except a white label with “Halloween, 1989” written in her handwriting. She wracks her brain for what happened then, and she draws a blank. Thankfully, her old TV and video player are still in her room, so she pulls them both onto the floor with her and slides it in, turning the volume low enough so that only she can hear it.

The picture comes into view and it’s her, wearing a long sleeved black minidress and tights and a pair of cat ears, raising her eyebrows and laughing, putting candy into a large orange bowl decorated with black cats and spiderwebs.

“Are you filming this right now?” the 1989 version of her asks.

“Yeah of course,” JD replies, taking a step closer. “Look at this folks, pure Halloween commitment right here.” The camera zooms in on her dress, on her cat ears, the whiskers drawn onto her unimpressed face with eyeliner.

Her heart stops at the sound of his voice. He sounds so different to what she remembers. His voice is higher, softer. He doesn’t sound like he does in her nightmares. He doesn’t sound like the kind of person who would storm into her room, tell her he wanted to kill her, tell her he was blowing up the school. He doesn’t sound broken or damaged. He sounds normal, happy, relaxed and it cuts her deep.

“Oh, okay,” the younger version of her says. “Now, look at this.” The picture shakes as the past version of her tries to take the camera off him while he makes tiny noises of protest. “No, give it, give me the camera.” Her voice is high pitched and nearly whiny, but she’s laughing, the same loud, dumb laugh she always used as a teenager. She used to complain to him about it and he assured her he loved the sound of her laugh.

“Or what?” he replies.

“Or you don’t get candy,” she teases.

A different fight plays out in the back of her mind, when they fought over something much more sinister. The two teenagers in the video didn’t deserve that. They didn’t know how it would all play out. The girl didn’t know the monster she was creating. The boy didn’t know just how broken he really was.

The younger Veronica wrestles the camera off JD with a triumphant laugh and turns it on him, snickering.

Her breath catches at the sight of him. He’s just like he is in the photos, except he’s moving. He’s more alive, laughing and twirling to show off his full costume. He’s even discarded his trench coat, she can see it sitting on the couch behind him, instead wearing a puffy white shirt and leather pants and an eye patch of all things.

“He’s a sexy pirate,” past her sings, zooming in on him. He leans against the wall dramatically and pouts at her, making her laugh.

“I’m a regular pirate,” he corrects her. “I just happen to always be sexy.” She laughs again, the camera tilting slightly like she’s leaning back.

“Yeah you are,” she agrees. The camera is place on the counter and she goes over to him, wrapping her arms around him and kissing him. He wraps his arms around her, tilting his head to deepen the kiss. She moans as he pulls her closer, getting rid of whatever space there was between them. Her hands get caught up in his hair while his trail on her legs, but never lifting her skirt.

It always got heated between them. Simple goodbye kisses turning into him letting her push him up against the wall and tongues and teeth clashing while hands were running along waistlines and through hair. He always let her take the lead, set her pace, be in control. It used to make her feel empowered. Having him underneath her, being willing to do anything she wanted, to obey her wishes. She never took it too far, asked if he was okay with it too, and he always was, looking at her with wide eyes and nodding enthusiastically.

She wonders now how much of it was real and how much was just him letting her get comfortable with him. Comfortable enough to be clay in his hands. It’s all so confusing to her know, love or infatuation, how much of her memories are viewed through the rose coloured lens she uses to make it hurt less, was he broken and damaged or just bad?

“Okay,” the younger Veronica breaks away, sounding breathless. “Movie time.” JD joins their hands as she lifts the bowl from the counter. Her eyes fall on the camera and realisation dawns on her. “Shit!”

“What?”

“We left the camera on,” she laughs, burying her face in the crook of his neck. “Oh we filmed that!”

“Oh my God,” he replies, laughing too. “Oh my God we filmed that. We filmed us making out.”

“Do not even talk about that,” she laughs.

“It’s your camera, right?” he asks as he wraps his arms around her. “So your parents will never see it?”

“They might!” she squeaks, wriggling out of his arms. “Okay, go get the popcorn started, I’m going to turn this off.”

Her face fills the camera as she lifts it, still laughing. Still young. Not too many scars.

“Sex tape!” JD whispers in the background, and she laughs harder.

“JD I swear to God-”

The picture changes and they’re in her living room. JD holds the camera, tilted at an angle so a sleeping Veronica is visible, curled up and using JD as a pillow. He’s smiling, open, earnest. His arm is around her and he kissed her forehead gently. She murmurs and snuggles closer to him. The way he looks at her can only really be described as reverence. Like she’s the Virgin Mary and he’s the most devout follower there is.

“Hello, person who is watching this tape,” he whispers. “Probably in the year 2127, when we’re all dead. You might notice this, but Veronica Sawyer is currently asleep on top of me. It is 1am here in Sherwood, Ohio and she fell asleep on my shoulder.” He runs his fingertips up and down her back, losing himself in thought for a moment. “If you’re in the future you probably never got to know her. Which is sad for you, really, because she’s the best damn thing humanity has to offer. And nothing that comes after her will really compare. And I am in love with her. I will love her until I die and even after that, I’m going to keep loving her.” Veronica shifts in her sleep and JD looks worried for a moment, but she just stretches her arm across his chest and settles down again. His face breaks out into a smile once more. “She’s the only thing that’s good in this world. I’m going to turn the camera off now so I don’t wake her up.”

The picture turns to black and he’s gone.

Veronica presses her hands to her mouth to muffle the sound of her crying.

This shouldn’t be happening. This was nearly 30 years ago. While she couldn’t get help with everything, she got counselling after JD’s death. She shouldn’t be sitting on the floor of her childhood bedroom, trying not to cry over a 29 year old video. She shouldn’t be falling back in love with a dead man, let alone a dead man who made her life hell for years and is the reason she flinches away from love even now, a man who was terrible and wanted to kill people and she shouldn’t even be thinking about because he’s been dead for nearly 30 years.

She’s reopened all her old wounds. All it took was one look from him and she’s back where she began.

Stupid heart. Holding onto someone who shouldn’t be allowed in there anymore. She used to think it would be better if she could just rip it out and stop herself from feeling anything again. But then she met people and made friends and reconnected with old ones and then Janis was born and took her heart in her tiny little baby hands. She would never stop herself from feeling all that. Even if it means she has to feel all of this too, the ugly and painful side of loving someone.

She keeps crying as she looks through the rest of the bag, Her fingers brush against something hard and she tenses. Her diary.

She kicks herself for keeping it. Putting aside every painful thing she put in here, it’s evidence. When Janis said that she’d gone through it, her heart had stopped and she had felt the world around her crumble. She only got as far as her first meeting with JD’s dad. But just one page later she wrote “Dear Diary…. Technically I didn’t kill Heather Chandler, I know that, but I still feel bad. But not as bad as I should. And that makes me feel even worse.” And then just two pages after that is the amazing line “Dear Diary, my teen angst bullshit has a body count”.

The most incriminating lines she could have written.

Janis thinks she’s the coolest person alive. Wonder how she’d feel about her after knowing that she’d murdered three people.

“Not you,” JD had told her. She supposes he’s right. But she doesn’t like saying that she was just an unwilling accomplice. She handed Heather Chandler the mug of drain cleaner, she shot at Kurt, she let JD shoot Ram. She fell for the “Ich Luge bullets” lie. Their blood is on her hands just as much as it was his. She doesn’t know if she believes in Heaven or Hell any more, but she knows that if there is a Hell, then she’ll burn for that.

And besides, in the mortal world, accomplices still do jail time.

She knows what she has to do. She’s just far too scared to do it.

It’s still pitch black outside when she sneaks out of the house, key in the pocket of the coat she wears over her pyjamas. She keeps the diary clutched to her chest as she makes her way down her old street to the one place she’s sure no one will suspect her of going.

Westerburg High stands just as imposing as it ever did before her, locked behind an iron fence. She started her senior year desperate to leave it then two months later she was risking everything to save it.

And where was her damn gratitude?

After the news broke about JD, things changed for her. People gave her sad eyes as they passed in the hallway, whispers of “I’m so sorry” and “if you need anything, I’m here” and teachers offering support and then the newspaper offering her an interview.

Still, she finally saw the hierarchy fall. Heather Mac started eating lunch with her and Martha and, seeing that she can’t exactly lead a clique of one person, so did Heather Duke, eventually. Heathers and Marthas sitting at a table together. Heaven on Earth. Checkmate, JD. MacNamara and Martha even dated until their second year of college. People stopped hating each other and it became beautiful.

Janis says that the same thing happened in her school. Her little jungle friend Cady broke the dance queen’s crown and shared it and told everyone they were beautiful. Now she’s braiding the former popular girl’s hair like it’s nothing. Everyone sits where they want and there’s no cliques or rumours or stupid bitchy girl fights. No one is afraid, all because one cute little mathlete made a speech. And yet for her school to get to that same kind of peace, she had to steal a scrunchie and four people had to die.

Outside the school fence, she finds an empty trash can, just like she hoped she would. She takes a look around the deserted street. No one’s around to see her. She’s completely alone and yet she still feels like all eyes are on her. Street lights glare down on her like an interrogation and she feels eyes on her back, even though she doesn’t see anyone when she turns around. She flips up the hood of her jacket, pulling it over her face.

She pulls the diary out of her pocket and drops it in the empty trash can, flinching at the sound it makes. It must be louder in her mind. Her shaking hand lifts out the matches. It takes longer than she would have liked to get them to light; her hands are trembling so badly she drops a few before she can get them to the matchbook, and others she can’t seem to strike hard enough.

The ground is littered with matches rolling in the light breeze when she finally gets one to work properly. The flame dances in front of her eyes, bright against the darkness of everything that surrounds her. She looks down at the diary, lying dead, almost invisible at the bottom of the trash can. It has every good memory of her time with JD, every time he made her laugh, every time he made her smile, details about what she felt when he kissed her. But it also has evidence and that’s a risk she can’t afford to take.

She lets the match fall from her hand and set the book ablaze.

“No!” she yells immediately after watching it start to burn. She presses her hands to her mouth because she knows that if she doesn’t do something she’ll reach in and try to grab it out.

She feels like she’s burning him. Like she’s seventeen again and back on the football field watching him explode, feeling her heart get torn apart while her soul and conscience are knitted back together. Simultaneously finding it hard to breathe and being able to for the first time in weeks. Saying goodbye to the worst and best thing to happen to her. She's burning every good memory she had of him and wonders if she'll forget if she doesn't have it to look back on. Does she even want to remember it now? Maybe she shouldn't, but she does. She wants to remember the good but also the bad. The bad reminds her why she keeps going and keeps fighting now.

She stays watching it, silently sobbing until the fire burns out and it’s nothing more but a pile of ash at the bottom.

Her clock reads 3:45am when she gets back into her room, climbing in through her window, nearly falling over the empty trash bag. As quietly as she can, she moves her TV back to where it was and takes the video out of it. She kneels next to the trashbag and fishes out the pack of photos. She had wanted to get rid of them, act like that year never happened. But she’s never going to forget him, no matter what she does. He’s burned into her mind whether she likes it or not.

She places the photos and videotape on her shelf and reties the bag. Maybe if that’s all she has of him, she can pretend he was something else.

After waking up at 11 the next morning and missing breakfast, Veronica decides to take Janis out for pancakes and coffee in town.

“Late night, Aunt V?” she asks, watching Veronica down another coffee.

“Yeah,” she admits, pushing her hair out of her eyes. She predicts she’ll crash out at 9pm at the latest tonight. “Just… looking through some old stuff. Kept me up.”

“Some old high school stuff?” Janis asks quietly, her shoulders hunching. She looks small and it doesn’t suit her. Ever since Janis could walk she’s been unapologetic about how loud she is and how much space she takes up. Even though the Regina incident knocked her down, all she did the next year was come back louder and bigger. She doesn’t look at Veronica, keeping her eyes on her half-constructed pancake house.

“Yeah,” she says. “I found some more stuff of when I was with JD.”

“Aunt Veronica, I’m really sorry,” she says. “That I brought him up. I know he can’t be easy to talk about.”

“Jan, it’s okay,” she assures her. “I’m actually, weirdly kind of glad you did. I just sort of needed that kind of release, I guess. I needed to remember him.” Janis nods, but the confusion is visible on her face. “It’s complicated.”

“Are you going to be okay?” she asks. Veronica smiles and takes her hand.

“I’ve been okay for the past 29 years, Jan,” she explains. “And besides, you don’t need to worry about me. It’s my job to worry about you. You’re the kid here.”

“I’m seventeen,” Janis corrects her. Veronica nods. Seventeen’s a fun age. She felt so grown up when it started and then everything happened and all she needed was someone to hold her.

“That’s not as old as you think it is,” she tells her. “Go be seventeen. Go do dumb stuff and don’t worry about me. Trust me, you’ll have plenty of time for all that later.”

“How do you know all that stuff?” she asks. “How do you know what to say?”

“Easy,” she answers, taking another sip of her coffee. “I just say what I wish adults had said to me at that age.”

#veronica sawyer #heathers the musical #janis sarkisian #mean girls broadway #not sure why im putting this here but its here now #fanfic #character study #i guess?#barrett made me do it #long post for ts

30 notes · View notes