#christ. nobody look at me.
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spaciebabie · 14 days ago
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at first getting diagnosed with cptsd was like, "yay my trauma has been validated (it always was valid)!" and i really thought that was going to be it, but then i started to do research as i do whenever i realize i have something and learned that!! the way i experience socialization is!! quite horrid actually!!
#i have had this stupid fucking rule for myself for years since i was little#''dont speak unless you're spoken to or else something bad will happen. nobody wants to hear what you have to say unless they ask''#I TELL MYSELF THAT ALL THE TIME????#AND I DIDNT REALIZE IT WASNT NORMAL#thats not something that healthy people think to themselves whenever they want to talk to people. they just talk to them#they dont tell themselves not to speak to people for fear of what may happen to them jesus christ spacie#i get so scared when i message anybody ANYTHING#bc everything and anything i wanna talk about feels so stupid why would anyone give a shit#staring at a funny joke i want to send someone for 30 fucking minutes before deleting it b/c my brain is like ''errmm who cares?''#''also they're going to yell at you for wasting their time!!!''#i sent my friend a meme once and had a panic attack (or maybe a flashback?? im still trying to figure out what they are) immediately after#this shit sucks dude. it sucks#at least im processing what happened to me. thats why it hurts so bad rn its been stockpiled for like.#2 decades#im not looking for any sympathy here im just putting it out there#so that anybody who feels the same way i do know they're not alone#ive been struggling everyday for like 2 months now (actually DEFINITELY longer)#it will get better. things just need to be taken one step at a time#i have gotten thru my worst days i have a 100% success rate#how many days have i been alive#7930#lightwork#lets keep it goin#vent#trauma tw#trauma mention#wrote this post thru a flashback btw!! dealing with them is getting easier#before i would be unable to function for days at a time!!!#with one of the most recent ones i had i was so in the thick of it i avoided everyone i knew for a week cuz i was convinced#i was an evil unlovable freak that only wanted to hurt people
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p4nishers · 2 years ago
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eddie not holding eye contact with buck in the truck but starting at him longingly the moment he looks away is just so queer pinning of him
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almightygremlinblob · 11 months ago
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Promise Me This (Kaorijaku x Jin Itadori)
Writing this was…honestly a fever dream. I did NOT mean for Jin to be this unhinged, JESUS CHRIST. Kenjaku is reffered to with he/him pronouns (except for wife) but has fem!body parts cuz…well, Kaori. This is also under the HC that the Itadori family, while not exactly sorcerers, weren't completely oblivious to the world of curses. Anyways, no beta'd smexy-times under the cut, so minors or anybody not comfortable with that DNI pls.
Word Count: 2730-ish words of Kenjaku having the time of his life and Jin being a maniac
⚠️CONTENT WARNINGS⚠️
Soft Dom!Jin Itadori. Jin being just…absolutely UNG-FUCKING-HINGED in this, like, he dives face first off the deep end. Kenjaku being a complete slut and bottom for Jin (like, srsly, he is down HORRENDOUSLY BAD for his man), ft. his breeding kink and a little OOC. Multiple orgasms. Monsterfucking. Body horror cuz Kaorijaku. Squirting. Jin makes out with Kenjaku's brain mouth. Everything's consensual, tho and ends in kinda fluff? Would you consider that fluff? Does that make it worse? I don't know.
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It was amusing the first few weeks, but Kenjaku's had enough of it; deciding he might as well rip the bandaid off.
"Why do you pretend, Jin?"
"Pretend what?"
Kenjaku huffed, humans could be so interesting (and infuriating), sometimes. Jin may have been grieving, but he wasn't an idiot, and Kenjaku knew this. Sensed it in how cautious he'd been when they first met, though…that didn't stop him from playing around with what he could get away with. Yet, still, ever since 'Kaori' came back, the both of them had settled into an awkward domestic bliss which was…quite intriguing. Actually, that was a lie. Kenjaku very much enjoyed it. Jin was fun to prod and play around with; watching the mix of confusion, horror and sometimes arousal from the other was just…
It was so much fun.
Though, during the time they were together, nothing too intimate ever happened. They'd cuddle, hug, sleep in the same bed together, take baths together, and he'd never miss how tenderly the other would touch his scars when he thought he was asleep - a strange development in the past month - but nothing more than that. Hell, Jin never once even kissed him all this time, despite the curse's relentless flirting - which was NOT something Kenjaku enjoyed.
Clearly he knew something was off, and yet…
"Kaori?" The water stopped running, and Jin put the last of the dishes onto the drying rack, before going over to his late wife and wrapping his arms around him. "I'm not pretending anything, silly."
"You know something's wrong with me."
"…yes."
"And yet you still play make believe with me?"
"I do."
"…" Kenjaku sighed. "Care to tell me why?"
"I told you…" Jin's lips trail over Kenjaku's neck, not kissing but…definitely teasing.
Oh, this was new!
The curse couldn't help but the smile that formed on his lips. Jin's touch was sending delightful shivers throughout his body, and it made Kenjaku almost ecstatic that he was finally initiating something. His next words though, practically had a growing heat start to pool in between his legs.
"I'm not pretending."
"I don't know what you are…" Jin sighs, and Kenjaku doesn't realize how he chases the touch of the other's lips on his neck; too drunk on the way his body was feeling. "And I've decided I don't care. You brought Kaori back to me…even if she's not…you're not…"
"You still brought her back, in some way." Kenjaku feels Jin's grip on him tighten, most probably out of frustration, but he enjoys it regardless. "And if you want to play good little housewife, I can give you that."
"You're an interesting one, Jin." Kenjaku laughs. "I think…think I'll keep you."
"Say, your name…your real name…what is it?"
"Ken…K-Kenjaku. I've-I-I've heard, ah…" Shit, he was stuttering. Kenjaku smirks, feeling a pleasant dizziness but takes a deep and shaky breath to recompose himself. "H-heard you arguing with your old man, you know…a-about a child. Did you want one?"
Jin's breath hitches. "Yes…with her. It was a shared dream of ours…"
"I-I can still do that for you."
Jin is silent for a while, thinking. He could still have a child with her…oh, but who was he kidding? No, no. This woman in front of him wasn't just her, was it? Jin's grip on Kenjaku loosens just a little. Just so he can look at the other - this…this thing wearing the corpse of his wife - properly. Jin smiles softly at the realization that…perhaps, he really was going insane.
Because it wasn't just about Kaori, anymore.
"Do you want one? Hm?" Jin's eyes pierce through Kenjaku, even though his smile is kind. The curse is caught completely off-guard by the intensity of his gaze, and it makes the heat pooling in between his legs only grow more. The pink haired man tilts his head, finding his lips and Kenjaku swears he stopped breathing for a good minute as Jin continued to gently kiss him. A strangled noise escapes Kenjaku's throat when he feels Jin's tongue slowly lap at his bottom lip. "With me?"
"I-I…" For the first time in a while, Kenjaku is speechless. He simply laughs, before kissing the other back. Shit, he didn't realize how ecstatic he'd been until he was feverishly exploring Jin's mouth with his tongue.
Before the both of them know it, they're naked in their shared bed, Jin passionately lapping at his wife's dripping folds. Kenjaku can't help the noises that come out of his mouth. "Y-yes! God, ye-"
A hand harshly grabs at his throat and squeezes hard. The curse sees Jin glare at him from between his legs, and it makes his cunt throb even more. "Be quiet. You'll get your turn."
Kenjaku can only whimper and whine when Jin continues to feverishly lick and taste him, dragging his tongue up from his folds up to his clit and occasionally sucking on the sensitive nub eagerly. The curse gasps for air when Jin releases his grip, dizzy and ecstatic, before whining when Jin inserts a finger. Another easily slips in, shortly after.
"I'm so happy…your body still remembers me, Kaori." Jin laughs quietly, and Kenjaku is chokes on a sob when Jin curls his fingers - fucking that wonderful spot inside him while scissoring him open. The pink haired man smiles softly as he glances at the curse above him, the look going completely unnoticed by said curse who was lost to the pleasure. Jin closes his eyes and begins to suck on his clit, fucking the curse with his mouth and fingers.
"A-aah, fuck-Jin!" Kenjaku practically mewls as he bucks his hips, gripping onto Jin's hair and grinding himself on his tongue and fingers. It only takes a few more moments until Kenjaku finds himself coming undone, entire body shaking as Jin rides him through his orgasm.
Kenjaku feels strangely empty, though not unsatisfied, when Jin pulls his fingers out, giving his clit one last tender kiss before getting up. It takes several breaths before the curse can speak again. "I-I…what abo-"
His words die in his throat when Jin hooks the other's legs around his hips, caging Kenjaku underneath him. The curse can feel Jin's cock, deliciously hard and leaking against his cunt, and what the other says next has Kenjaku's legs go weak.
"Your turn now, Kenjaku."
Jin says into his ear, low and hungry, but then stays silent and still for a while. The curse can tell he's thinking of something, and he can't help but feel intrigued. His arms find their way around his shoulders, not realizing how tenderly he strokes the others back.
"Tell me what's on your mind, Ji-…n…" Kenjaku's words die in his throat when he meets Jin's eyes. They're hungry, and it makes his cunt ache again. Only...he wasn't looking at his wife's eyes, he was looking somewhere a little higher.
"Stitches. Off."
His eyes go wide. "What?"
"It's where you are, isn't it? And I told you, it's your turn." Kenjaku goes still for a while, shocked, but then just starts giggling; giddy and elated. "You know…normal people can't see my kind. U-us curses, we're-"
"Take them off, Kenjaku."
Kenjaku smiles, and wordlessly does as he's told. Fluids leak from his head as he parts the cut to reveal the light pink flesh underneath. Jin finally sees the curse for the first time in months. The curse doesn't miss how soft his eyes become, and watches as he carefully traces his thumb over the curse's mouth. "There you are…"
"Ah, my bad. So I correct about you lot…"
Jin sinks himself into the other's cunt, hissing at how hard Kenjaku's walls suck him in - though with how wet the other was it was easier than expected to slip inside. The curse nearly comes undone again, then and there. He's never felt this full, before and it felt incredible. Jin's lips meet the curse's actual mouth and has Kenjaku drooling and whimpering underneath the pink haired man, overwhelmed as Jin's tongue explores him completely. When he pulls away from the kiss, Kenjaku starts laughing, and Jin gives him a worried look. "Are you…are you alright?"
"G-god, you're insane, Jin Itadori…"
Jin huffs, smiling softly but not denying it. "I'm gonna move now, okay?"
Jin starts slow, but his cock deliciously drags against every part of the curse's cunt. The pink haired man smirks, feeling Kenjaku's nails leaving dents on his back as he holds onto him. "A-aah…f-fuck, I…"
Jin laughs softly. "Is this your first time?"
"A-as a woman, yes…" Kenjaku can't stop his legs from trembling as they wrap tightly around Jin. "I've…c-courted many in all my bodies as a man, but this is…I-I've never…"
"I'll take that as a compliment, then, but…let me make it better for you." Jin huffs. He didn't miss the implications of…of body hopping that this monster was capable of, but…well, he didn't particularly care at this point. He puts two of his fingers in his wife's mouth. "Be good and suck on this for me, yeah?"
The mischievous look in his eye doesn't go unnoticed by the curse, but Kenjaku simply does as he's told. Jin rewards him with a kiss on his real mouth and adjusts him a little, before thrusting with a steady and brutal pace and making the curse see stars. Despite his whining, Kenjaku's cunt sucks his cock in hungrily as he's brutally fucked by the other.
The nails that rake against Jin's back and arms break the skin and only serve to spur him on. Kenjaku sobs when Jin pulls away from the kiss and removes his fingers from his mouth. The curse greedily sucks and marks the other's neck using his wife's mouth, all while begging him with his actual one. "Ngh! God, d-don't stop! Fuck, p-please, Jin-!!"
"C'mon, louder. Let me hear you."
"Y-yes, oh god, Jin-!!!"
Jin's hips still and he groans as he fills Kenjaku. He takes a few breaths before slowly starting to move again; fucking his cum deeper into the curse. The feeling of so much of it inside him has Kenjaku seeing stars, but what sends him into another orgasm was the realization that Jin was going to get him pregnant at this rate.
He was actually going to carry this man's child.
"O-ooh, fuuuck…" Kenjaku's body tenses, cunt squeezing him deliciously hard that it has Jin hissing again. He notices Kenjaku breathing deeply, his body twitching and limp, and gives him an apologetic smile. His hand gently strokes the pink flesh of the curse.
"You okay?"
"D-don't. Stop." Kenjaku manages to say in between breaths. Jin laughs softly, kissing him tenderly on his mouth and making the curse dizzy with delight.
"If you say so." Jin smirks, before hooking Kenjaku's legs over his shoulders. The curse screams something in a dialect Jin can't understand, but was clearly some kind of Japanese, when the human somehow reaches even deeper into him; tip kissing the entrance to his womb with every thrust and shaft deliciously rubbing against a spot inside him that has Kenjaku nearly blacking out. Jin was reaching every part of him, the deepest parts of him, and it was incredible. The human forces his tongue inside Kenjaku's mouth, and the curse's eyes roll back - body completely tense and overwhelmed - when Jin begins rubbing on his sensitive clit. This was all so much.
Kenjaku was going to lose his mind at this rate…
Not that he was complaining, though.
Jin's pace picks up, and Kenjaku feels him twitching inside. It doesn't take long until Jin spills inside him with a few messy thrusts, the curse mewling when he feels him spill right on his cervix. Though Jin doesn't stop rubbing on his clit, and this has the curse squirting his own fluids and making a mess of both their legs shortly after. Kenjaku whimpers when Jin flips him on his stomach, though doesn't make a move to stop him at all, Jin's hand finding its way around his neck once more. Bringing him close to his face, the curse's back arching beautifully underneath the human.
"A-ah, Jin…please, I want-" Kenjaku is cut off by Jin's lips on his mouth, sucking and kissing him tenderly.
"Shhh, shhh…I know, baby." Jin pulls out nice and slow, leaving just the tip before harshly thrusting it back in. "You like that, yeah?"
"Ngh…n-need...p-please!" Kenjaku's cunt is practically leaking with how wet he was. Jin fucks him slow and brutal, cock dragging along every part of his insides before being slammed back in.
"Thaat's it…good." Jin huffs into his ear, licking and biting his neck before pulling away. Kenjaku feels his heat leave his back as Jin repositions himself, placing his hands on Kenjaku's hips as the curse's head rests on the bed. "M'gonna move a bit faster now, yeah?"
Kenjaku just nods frantically and his moans turn into screams when Jin ruts into him like an animal in heat. The curse screaming in that dialect that Jin can't understand. Kenjaku's eyes roll back, mind going blank as his cunt greedily sucks and squeezes Jin's cock with every thrust. They both lose count of how many orgasms and hours go by, as Jin ruthlessly makes love to Kenjaku and his wife, with all the pent up feelings he has for them both.
All Kenjaku knew was that his mind was going blank. His legs felt like literal jelly and it's as if his body was being torn apart. He's never felt this close to breaking without actually dying before.
It was incredible.
"A-aaah, you're doing so fucking good, Kenjaku. Cum for me one more time, yeah?" Jin bites his lip, Kenjaku can feel him twitching and throbbing inside him again. "Almost there, baby. I'm so close…"
Kenjaku smiles, nearly delirious with pleasure, as the thought of carrying this man's children sends him over the edge, again. His legs trembling as he spills even more of his fluids onto the bed. "J-Jin, o-oh fuuck-!"
With one last, hard thrust, Jin stills inside him again - cock fully sheathed and throbbing as he gives Kenjaku another thick load. His cunt milks him deliciously, but he feels Jin filling him beyond what he can take - hot streams of cum dripping down his thighs. Kenjaku's almost sad that so much is going to waste.
Jin groans and nearly pulls out but Kenjaku quickly grabs his wrist.
"S-stay. Stay inside me…" Kenjaku barely manages to say, completely fucked out of his mind. Jin looks at him softly, carefully moving him without pulling out, so the both of them can lie down in a more comfortable position.
For a long while, their breathing was the only sound there was.
"Th-that was…" Kenjaku finally breaks the silence, but is unable to continue his sentence.
"Good?" Jin gently kisses the curse on the mouth, again.
"Nearly the best I've had in a while…" Kenjaku gulps, and looks at Jin cautiously - dare Jin say he almost looked nervous. "Th-the world I'm in…it isn't known for being the nicest, you know. You should leave me, while you can. It's safer for you. Curses, we aren-"
"No." Jin huffs. "I am not. Leaving you."
Kenjaku is silent for a while. "Why?"
"You brought Kaori back to me, in some way, even if she isn't…I mean, you aren't…" He gently strokes the curse and sighs. "But I'm not staying for just Kaori…you understand that, right?"
"I…I see." Kenjaku can't help the way his stomach flutters, or the warmth that blooms in his chest upon hearing that. It was irrational, and yet...
Jin takes a deep breath. He knew staying with the other was practically a death sentence for him. However, if he was to be honest with himself...he didn't really care anymore. Only...he worried for his child. "Just…look, I know I won't last long with you. So please promise me something. Promise me you'll continue to watch over my child even if I'm gone."
"And if I don't?"
Jin rolls his eyes, knowing the other was just messing with him. "Then I'll haunt you for the rest of your life."
"All the better to break it, then." Kenjaku laughs softly, and decides - for once in his life - to do something stupid for reasons outside his plan. Jin makes a confused look as he feels something almost constricting him, but then Kenjaku plants his mouth on Jin's and seals that silent vow with a kiss. The feeling is gone as soon as it came. "But…you have my word, Itadori Jin."
WRITING THIS WAS WOWZERS MAN. 😬Also, "watching over" isn't necessarily the same as "taking care of". But, anyways, if you like my work, consider donating! Edit: WTF WHY DOES THIS HAVE 75 NOTES??? NOBODY LOOK AT THIS WHAT
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whining
love that i cried for the first time this year (the year that not only did my father die and i haven't been able to even take time off to grieve, but i had two breakups, neither of which has really yet included an acknowledgement of the concrete ways my exes actually hurt me because i've been so fucked up all year i can't trust myself to take any actions in case i'm being irrational and mean) not because of any of that or anything else objectively bad that's happened, but because my birthday fucking sucked
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carcarrot · 3 months ago
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9 people i want to get to know better tagged by @bawnjourno thank you pal!!!!! 💖
last song: my baby must be a magician - the marvelettes
favorite color: purple!!!
currently watching: cheers (new) twin peaks (rewatch) night court (new) and movies every dayyy
sweet/savory/spicy: sweet!! if i don't have a sweet little treat i pass away actually
currently playing: not a gamer but im playing a game called august where i make it through every day of august
current obsession: the latest addition to my assortment of goofy guys, slowly collecting vintage clothing and books, even more slowly working on my film screenplay (and documentary idea. and tv show idea .), very very excited for my upcoming vacation to california for the 3rd time in a row! and if i ever repair the dvd drive on my laptop im gonna start making my own dvds of movies with embedded subtitles that dont already have them on a dvd release bc i cant hear!!!
tagging @footnoteinhistory @bicolumbo @starringvincentprice @mariocki @eddie-rifff @jefffreybeaumont @seaofreverie @jellojellyroll and @crystalblast !! no pressure if you dont wanna!
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doctorweebmd · 3 months ago
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a really nice comment on 'nothing else fills' made me actually reread it for like, the first time in its entirety and.
wow. its... actually really good. like. i teared up multiple times and i'm the one that wrote it. why was i so mean to myself about it.
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theragamuffininitiative · 5 months ago
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there's "you should not put people on pedestals" and then there's "I am humbly requesting one (1) spiritual leader in my life to be dependable"
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muttmoxley · 1 year ago
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your humble servant (your biggest regret)
the wilbur van by wilbur soot, gender envy by juno lev, your heart is a muscle the size of your fist by ramshackle glory, banks by lincoln, bathtub by the front bottoms, dog teeth by nicole dollanganger, that unwanted animal by the amazing devil, archillect on twitter, unpardonablesins + wishbone by richard siken, things have gotten worse since we last spoke by eric larocca, ducsdesign, grit: a poetry collection by silas denver melvin, famous last words (an ode to eaters) by ethel cain
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villainvillain · 1 year ago
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oop ALREADY seeing cold takes that are just "i thought the finale was good so if you didnt you are clearly just watching the show wrong and you missed the point of everything ever" like ok can we just accept that the world is more nuanced than that and doesnt always revolve around ur thoughts and opinions
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welcome-home-official · 9 months ago
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Why are people calling age gaps between established ADULTS aged past 30 problematic now.
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starpros-sunshine · 28 days ago
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You know. I'm part of the fraction "to each their own and let people handle their lives however they see best fit". But I do feel the need to say that I have seldom seen such an idiotic assumption as that breaking up with someone four days before someone's birthday when you also want that someone to do something for their birthday even though you know you and your soon-to-be-ex will both have to be there won't end with that person just not doing anything with anyone for their birthday. Partially because nobody wants that kind of awkwardness after a fresh breakup and also because the soon-to-be-ex has the lovely habit of wallowing in self pity and making everything about how they have it so bad. You know I just think in such cases you should've waited a week with the breakup. I don't care how much you want to fuck that other guy but I really think you should've waited a week.
#delete later#sigh why always me...#can't somdone else get the complicated people for once#annoying#the soon-to-be-ex complained today in the group chat that nobody wouod ever go to a pub with him#when that is literally not the case#we would all go? he just never asked? and anytime someone else wants to go party or jusz out 90% of the time the answer is no?#I've known that guy for 13 years now and somehow it just does not get easier#like? anytime someone else asks him it's always “no i don't want to” but then you complain about how nobody would want to do anything#the call coming from inside the house is all I'm saying#'' oh but I couldn't go anyways I wouldn't fit“ ''why? nobody cares about random strangers thats usually not how people work''#'' thats not true'' ''they literally don't care though.'' ''not when that person looks 13'' ''yeah no they still literally wouldn't care''#''they would'' ''they wouldn't. people never do. why would they make an exception for you?'' and then no answer to that#because you can't argue against that anymore without having to confront the fact you're wrong#but then I'm getting told im not empathetic enough#i know i lack empathy I'm aware but I do make an attempt for serious situations. i just don't think stuff like that is serious.#especially when i once mentioend i think my father thinks I'll end up living off of state wellfare and become a disappointment#and the only reply to that was ''how did he arrive at that really likely assumption?'' my brother in christ do not complain to me about lack#of empathy I'm not the one telling people their fears of becoming the family disappointment are well founded and realistic#I'm not even going to excuse that through some ''oh autism'' stuff like no thats just tactless and mean#or all the condescending comments whenever i go out to ''party''#it's just drinking with some people i know it's not really partying#but I'm not the one looking down on people for experiencing stuff#contrary to popular assumption I'm actually really cool and i know that. that's why people ask me to do stuff with them.#because i don't say no 99% of the time and then complain that nobody would ever want to do something with me when that's just plain wrong#i also totally get why she wants to break up#how do you actively refuse to meet your partners friends for half a year and expect that to not become an issue.#how do you actively say you're not interested in doing anything for your partner and expect that to last#how do you whine about being a bad partner but never attempt to do better#i wish i could defend him here but i can't that dude is a horrible boyfriend
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formerheroeswhoquittoolate · 2 months ago
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guess who just remembered that "matthew" means "gift of YHWH" and "samuel" means "asked of/borrowed from God" anyway I'm going to be normal about this for the rest of my life.
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marci11e · 4 months ago
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two of you telling me what miles edgeworth is all about:
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piplupod · 4 months ago
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i need this girl to leave me alone 🧍
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justanotherfanartist · 9 months ago
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idr who it was but somebody I reblogged a post on a while back in which I dumped a bunch of random personal stuff in the tags if you see this this is for you 🙏🙏 also I’m lying I’m just a yapper
#I love turning tumblr into my personal diary knowing this will probably just get buried in the annels of my blog#I’m sure that’s not how you spell that but wtv#anyways grrrr I love men I love figuring out my type#I’ve dated three guys who all coincidentally happen to be relatively tall skinny athletic types#not an intended pattern btw it just happened like that#but now I am experiencing the true joy of variety#gahhhh I love body fat I love guys with body fat I am sick in the head for men who are squishy and have tummies and ass#it’s not my fault that kinda guy just happens to be the center snare in drumline it’s the curse of band kid I guess#holy shit I need to stop dating people in my band actually Jesus Christ it’s two already. see but like or I could collect the set#and go for all different instruments or categories#I’ve got brass (trombone) and woodwind (tenor sax) down#so like percussion?? mayhaps#our drumline is exclusively made up of three types of people for some reason#a) every girl is legit cool a bit masc and definitely gay (I know two personally and a third that fits the bill) and very skilled#b) very much oddball types who nobody in the band gets along with because they actively make people uncomfortable (hard to describe)#c) most grey-sweatpants straight guy you’ve ever seen who just happens to be reserved n semiattractive. looking at two of them in particula#(section leader and center snare specifically) third category hits hard#not my fault the center snare is stupid pretty and reserved and kinda squishy <- on the floor drooling#and like. a good snare#idk what happened to me but as soon as I became a musician people being able to play well became VERY attractive to me#curse of band kid once again#I’m genetically predisposed to it it’s fine <- raised by two divorced music majors#in particular an alto sax and the center snare are two guys that stick as me having a moment of like oh wow they’re *good*. haha that’s hot#alto sax is a killer jazz player and I’m psyched I get to trio with him and one of the drumline girls (my favorite tgirl fr)#although they’re both way better than I am so I’m really the weak link here#which is a hard asf sell given that they want me on bass <- I am a decent-to-mid rhythm guitarist at best#but wtv. everything I do I do for jazz#the most personal information I will likely ever admit to (I am lying I will vaguely yap about myself all day long)
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festivalofthe12 · 5 months ago
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mmmmmmmmmmmmmm when it comes to Kyou I sometimes worry if I'm being too hard on him through like a certain kind of projection, right
but. I can't be... the only one to think there's at least..a little bit of a...victim complex in him, right...?
WHICH: to clarify straight up, he was treated awfully and never deserved any of that, and is all-around 100% a victim who's right to think of himself as such. All of that is correct!!!!!!
but. The whole STORY. is that the cat is the one animal who gets exiled. The one 'bad' one. The one who's ostracised.
And with that comes a certain... I mean, it's a bit easier to think of yourself as the victim, when that's the way everyone frames it, right? That you're the one who's been hard done by? That everyone else has it out for you? That to make things right, everything should be inverted, so everyone apologises and bows down to him for once???
Especially with Yuki. And, again to be fair, Yuki is not at ALL immune to minimising the shit that Kyou's been dealt with because it's often the inverse of what happened to Yuki and that envy is toxic and because Yuki was raised to think that way and also just because Kyou is annoying to him personally hahah.
But. Yuki knows about Kyou's True Form. Kyou... doesn't actually know what happened between Yuki and Akito. And psychologically, there's a hell of lot to benefit him if he reaaaaaally doesn't think about it.
So. Am I being biased to think that, all things considered, Kyou is more dismissive of Yuki's struggles? And that even up through the end of the manga, he still sorta... doesn't really entirely get it?? (At least from what I remember... which is little........)
But here's where I feel like I'm projecting because. My experiences are WAY more like Yuki: pushing things down, trying to do the right thing, feeling like you're just supposed to be grateful for what you have because you've been so privileged. And people who match the sorta description I have of Kyou above have kinda. screwed me up mentally in a lot of ways hahahahahahhhh.
so. I know it's such a cliche thing to have people learn about what Yuki's been through and be so Shocked and Comforting and ooo weepy uke Yuki or what ever (ever notice how nobody ever gets mad at the smug asshole seme stereotype?? HMM.) and I know I might just be biased against Kyou, because of all that IRL stuff and also because early in fandom people kind of did IIRC act like Kyou was right about everything and Yuki not that far off from how Kyou saw him. but.
IDK there's always a part of me that just. keeps thinking up scenarios where Kyou like. still doesn't entirely gets it. and gets called out a bit, or proven wrong.
and maybe that's really dumb or childish of me hahahah;;;;;
#that's it that's the post. there's no point to it im just like. what if I did these things is that bad maybe.#and. to clarify AGAIN. i do think Kyou legit cares abt Yuki by the end#has grown a bit more than yuki in that respect#cause yuki always pitied Kyou. and I mean that in a morally neutral way. he always knew things sucked for him.#he just. was too caught up in his own shit to not react back when Kyou pushed his way into his life and was actively hostile#and I mean react back as an ongoing thing. obviously sometimes yuki initiated individual spats or whatever lol#ANYWAY by the end I think Kyou does. get to some extent that things are shit for yuki too. and wants them not to be???#to which yuki is very. 'no fucking shit. i wouldnt wish that bullshit for you either if you weren't fucking attacking me all the time' kind#but. there's still some ways for them both to grow there#tbh in yukis case. I guess due to his issues with trust/opening up.#it's harder for him to think of Kyou as someone to really care about?? consciously???#whereas like Ive said above. Kyou still thinks of himself as Worse Off than Yuki.#but he can like. Extend a Hand maybe. Graciously. for Tohru's sake as much as anyhting#I dont even fucking know Im just writing fanfic at this point#what even is this post (or any of the furuba posts on this blog)#idk maybe I should just read some Kyo/Yuki again. :///#fruits basket#look maybe I just want the zodiac crew post-canon to start gallows humour 'bragging' abt the awful shit that traumatised them as teenagers#and when it gets to yuki it's like. jesus christ even for this group thats fucked up. or maybe its just because Nobody not even Haru knew#which. great yuki even when the topic is 'haha our childhood was fucked up wasn't it' you still made things weird. <- yuki's thoughts only
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