#chrissi

[adamostrogoth]

[draikaesehoch]

Doggo Delivery for you and your bees ♥️

I hope they’ll finally do what they’re supposed to do ♥️♥️♥️♥️🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻🐶🐶🐶🐶🍀🍀🍀🍀

Last chance for the supervisor

Chocolate and hugs for you ♥️

won't be able to watch the first half, because I'm at football practice (pray for my evil knee 👀🙈)

I'm manifesting today! May I come home to a 2:0 lead for Dortmund, and a Jule goal

🍀🤞🕯️🖤💛🕯️🤞🍀

[wouldiweresteadfastasthouart]

I love looking at my liked songs on spotify and tracking the days I was in absolute bits

[phantomrose96]

So I tend to put on a youtube video most nights to fall asleep to (laptop on a shutdown timer.) And lately, my recommendations are a lot of videogame speedruns or videogame hidden facts.

Last night I pulled up youtube and got a "I played the 10 worst wii games ever" kind of video. ~30 minutes long. Fair enough! Show me the terrible wii games.

I'm paying attention for the beginning, since hey I'm still awake. And maybe like, 6 minutes into the video the guy starts going into heavy detail about how to pirate and copy wii games.

And I'm like, shit, bold, considering this video has 500,000 views. Bravo and all that.

The terrible wii games go on. I fall asleep.

I wake up to the sound of like... mechanical grinding?

Look at the laptop. There's a guy in a hazmat suit mixing dangerous chemicals, going "hey don't mix these dangerous chemicals."

I'm like, "Oh, the video ended. And the algorithm put me on... chemical mixing Youtube I guess."

I look at the video Title. "I Played The Worst Wii Games Ever Made"

....Oh.

It's still the video.

So surely he is... mixing chemicals to clean off an unplayable wii disk? Trying to touch up the lone copy of some forgotten game bought off ebay?

No...

He's just.

Mixing chemicals.

I hover over the video sections.

The 10 worst wii game sections have ended. He played them all.

The last 10 minutes is just dedicated to... him in a hazmat suit mixing dangerous chemicals.

....????

I fall back asleep.

....

I need to go back and check this video to make sure I did not imagine this all in a half-asleep stupor

[bitchliteraria1906]

Go listen to Chrissi. That's it, that's the post.

[retrogamingblog2]

might wanna do those calculations again chrissy

[cheer-nympho]

Imagine Eddie and Chrissy accidentally running into each other while spying on scoops,

Eddie sat on a bench behind a shrubbery looking through but he spots Chrissy doing the same across the court- they stare at each other for what feels like the longest few seconds of all time, shocked and baffled, before Eddie ducks and stealth runs to her bench,

Just sitting next to her and loudly whispering “What are you doing?!”

“What am I doing? What are you doing!”

“Well, I was just..-“ They hear a giggle from scoops and both duck under the plant and look through the gaps again. Immediately they turn back on each other with their fingers raised “You’re spying!” They both whisper at the same time before looking around to check no one heard,

Eddie puts his arm around her to duck her down away from the stores view and from anyone looking over- because their duo is bound to turn heads even without the whole hiding in foliage thing.

“Okay okay, we’re both spying on scoops. Now I’m sure neither of us are here for the overpriced sundaes, so what are you looking at PomPom?”

“PomPom?”

“Codename, keep up.”

“I’ll tell you if you tell me.”

“Well I’ll tell you if you tell me…”

“Well I’ll…Eddie this is silly!”

“Okay fine! So we’re both spying on scoops. Neither of us are here with our friends…we’re being secretive instead of just going in…we’re both 𝘩𝘪𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 why we’re here. Chrissy, U think we’re here for similar reasons, I think there’s a reason we don’t wanna tell each other.”

“But what if- What if it not the same reason? What if you…freak out or get spooked?”

“How about this, if I promise not to be annoyed by what you say- you promise the same back?” She looks around the food court a few times before looking back at him determined and nodding.

“Okay, 3, 2, 1”

Then at the same time…

“I was spying on Robin!” / “I was checking out Steve!”

Followed by

“The hair Harrington?!” / “From band?!”

Chrissy levels him with an unimpressed look, to which Eddie sheepishly removes his arm from hers. “Okay fair, mine is weirder.”

Cut to Eddie having a clever (read: incredibly dumb) plan of going in together so they can talk to Robin and Steve without ‘arousing suspicion’ Chrissy finds herself full of new confidence so doesn’t feel like pointing out that it was more subtle if they just went in alone.

[narelyy]

The "fuck the athletes" bf

The "please do" bf

[undreaming-fanfiction]

What if Steve is a famous model and Eddie is a rockstar, both still pretty down to earth that they move around without bodyguards...

They bump into each other at a corner, and literally bump into each other - Steve somehow lost his contact lenses and he's half-blind without them, his agent Robin is traveling, he'd rather lose both of his eyes than to call his parents, and so he's trying to get to a pharmacy/optometrist/somewhere else just based on memory and touch.

Eddie is walking, not paying much attention and listening to music, when he's knocked back by a very apologetic squinting guy who might as well be very pretty, if he looked straight at Eddie - which is very much not possible, as Steve later explains, Eddie is a very blurry blob to him, although a very kind blob. Also a really nice sounding blob.

When Eddie collects his things and his heart off the streetwalk, he offers to walk Steve to the pharmacy. After asking if it's okay, he offers Steve his arm and leads him carefully to his destination. Steve is still mostly staring at the ground, trying to fight blurry nausea, so Eddie doesn't really know what he looks like, except that his hair is magnificent.

They reach the pharmacy, Steve is so thankful that he wants to invite Eddie for coffee, but before he can do that, Eddie receives an urgent call from his agent and needs to leave.

They both - not without a tinge sadness - think they won't see each other again.

Except the next day there's a wave of tabloid headlines: "CORRODED COFFIN'S EDDIE MUNSON FINALLY SETTLES DOWN?! THE ROCKSTAR SEEN WITH REDKEN'S MODEL STEVE HARRINGTON!" and there are pictures of Steve and Eddie, side by side, and it really looks like a romantic walk rather than what it was.

When Eddie's agent Chrissy calls, half-amused, half-concerned, Eddie stops her with a single sentence: "Can you get me his number?!"

Chrissy snorts in the phone. "Give me an hour."

It takes her 33 minutes in total, and she secures a date with Robin for herself as a bonus.

And as for Eddie? He opens his message with "Hey Steve, how come you never told me it was a date? I would have brought flowers!" and gets an immediate response of "You would have, huh? Then bring some today at seven, the pizzeria next to the pharmacy. I like sunflowers. See you there, Eddie. And this time, I mean really see you."

The "see you" jokes stay with them for the rest of their lives.

[vielleichts]

✨update✨

[adamostrogoth]

[draikaesehoch]

We’re on timeeee! The Doggos totally know what to do, supporting your bees ♥️

Trusted supervisor was instructed, too, today

And I’ve got something for your as well ♥️

sounds lovely 💛🖤

and yay, I get to cuddle my favorite Chaoten 🥰💕

[lalalaugenbrot]

inject it into my bloodstream

[sexycelebritiesposts]

Chrissy Teigen

[phantomrose96]

Concept I've been stewing on for a while here. I've got a name for it now and I'm calling it the Shot Dog Factor. It's a numerical value, assignable to any internet post, which represents the average number of engagements it needs to reach before someone comes along acting like this post shot their dog.

And for the sake of High Number = More Danger, which feels like the intuitive and sensible read, let's call it the inverse. As in the chance that any given interaction results in a Shot Dog response.

"Hee hee haa haa" type of silly shitpost? Low Shot Dog Factor. Largely safe. A genuine political opinion? Critically high Shot Dog Factor. Guaranteed to elicit such a response if it breaks containment.

As a result of this phenomenon, you see phrasings and circumventions added specifically to lower the Shot Dog factor. Every "now I know this doesn't apply to EVERYONE'S specific situation, but I just think--" about something where the non-specificity was obvious, but OP needed to add that disclaimer to avoid the Shot Dog from someone who thinks it needs to apply to them.

And another--perhaps the most--critical thing to understand about the Shot Dog factor is that 0 is not a valid value. There's a discontinuation at 0. And as such, the Shot Dog limit, as engagement goes to infinity is, in fact, 100%. Any and every post you have ever made, given enough containment breaching, WILL piss someone off in wild ways. You can lower the Shot Dog factor but it is never 0. Sometimes when a post of yours escapes containment, you must simply sit back and accept this reality.