#choosing a song from this soundtrack was a STRUGGLE let me tell you

[shadowqnights]

could you tell us about your mcd anastasia thoughts? i am intrigued

ANKA DON'T TEMPT ME. god where to start. i am trying to keep this short and simple cause my thoughts are a huuuge jumble rn .. also as a disclaimer it has been years since i Saw anastasia on broadway so i am going off soundtrack and memory alone..

very generally erhh lots of people i feel have made the connection of aphmau to anya, an amnesiac's journey to find and reclaim a lost identity while the idea of being a very famous well-regarded figure looms over their head. though more of a headcanon in aph's case, i always love the idea of her having small memories and deja vu to cling to. once upon a december is an easy song for them but also in my dreams and crossing a bridge constantly makes me think of aph - that she is also longing for someone to know her. but i feel a little bit insane thinking about how anya kind of goes out With the intention of knowing about her family, wanting to understand her identity and her dreams. mcd's story isn't spurred early on by the question of aphmau being irene or not, and her quest isn't to go out and Find the origin of her lost memories to see if she has a family somewhere. she isn't pulled By an identity constantly hanging over her head until its revealed to her and it takes her. she doesn't follow a path to know her family/past identity specifically, it unweaves as these other pieces fall into place. there are points in both of their stories that provide this closure and reclaim those identities, but in anya's case it offers her the ability to now forge her own identity as separate from the idea of anastasia - the idea of 'anastasia' is as much of this constantly elusive concept as an actual identity to me, and when anya comes to terms with this she is able to let go and pursue dmitry. she isn't renamed, she isn't forced to re-adopt her title, she is still anya but with the clarity of the truth, her family & her love. she thinks she wants to join the empress and reclaim her title, but realises that she can still refind the love of family and still be Her, the her that fell in love with dmitry and met all of these people and made these friends. irene herself also become something of a caricature of her original self through deification, and we know that through this has become heavily idealised. but aph finally finding out / realising that she's irene forcefully assimilates her into the public perception of her deification, something that she doesn't even want to reclaim. by all means, understanding her past/origin should now grant her the clarity of pursuing things like love, which we know she rejects for reasons of responsibility and duty (which i'm gonna come back to later because i feel sick), but it only gradually melts the expectations of something that has existed as a concept for So long into her own identity. and much of this is struggled with, she fights against it, and it does seem for a while that aphmau is determined to forge her own identity despite the pressures and expectations of the people around her who now simply consider her as irene, we know that in the end she loses nonetheless because of mystreet, where mcd aphmau has finally become that universe's irene through sacrifice. we know that she makes an effort to resist but ultimately fails, unable to redefine herself in the end. something something cycle of suffering and sacrifice idk. i think its interesting. by all means aph should have had the ending that the musical offers anya - finally knowing and reconnecting with the truth, but not being defined by it, getting to pursue love. by all means she might deserve to abandon her sense of responsibility and choose garroth or laurance in the end if that's your jam but ultimately can't. anya expresses her worries about life as a princess and is reassured that even if she doesn't reclaim the concept of 'anastasia', she and the empress are still reunited and she is still loved as herself. to me irene is the equivalent of the concept of the princess - the rumours, the whispers, this idealised mystery, an unclaimed identity that finally gets put to rest - rather than the empress herself. and aphmau never Gets to put irene to rest. that part of her identity never finds peace.

right now also very insane about quartet at the ballet - with aph as anya, i know that laurmau likers would hc dmitry as laur which i agree with but i'm putting him aside because ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh gleb time. i'm trying to think of what to say because my thoughts are a very angry jumble of [GHRHGRHGRHGHRHGHRHGRRGRRRG] and its hard to put them to words. erm. garroth. there's a part of me that could see a version of zane as gleb for religious reasons but i think personally those can work Just as well with garroth. i don't really like making a 1:1 au unless i'm really into it and the characters fit because i'm not going to shove random characters in random places that don't make sense for funsies, i'm not on a mission to recreate anastasia in mcd, i just like to think about similarities and subsequent divergencies. my anastasia au would be based on a specific version of mcd where certain characters end up in different places and make different choices to get to a point where they can Become the 1:1 in my brain. aphmau would kin anya nonetheless, i think, and laurance and dmitry have so much in common that i kind of have to let the laurmau likers have a win. i think that in a certain au where garroth does Not end up in phoenix drop, he would take up gleb's role. thus fulfilling a vague 'love triangle' vibe but no not like that more like they are both incredibly fascinated with her but gleb is obsessed with a very idealised form of who he Thinks she is where dmitry very plainly falls in love with her as a girl despite his Initial fascination with the myth. thus fulfilling their brief duet in quartet at the ballet, agonising over her but they are both seeing different Parts of her. i have a lot to say about it but i feel like i'm going insane ghugrhgrhgrghhrhgrg. ok.

o'khasis!garroth, specifically in the case of going to the guard academy, returning to take up the mantle of the jury of nine [cough cough be a general]. drawing from the religious notes of mcd with garroth's faith translated to utter obsession with, again, this idealised concept. gleb's obsession with 'anastasia' [again, the idea] REEKS of o'khasis garroth who is witness/present to his father's atrocities and bears them as duty, but ultimately cannot bear that same shame and follow through. gleb's Constant conflict between duty and heart - his fascinations with anya herself, as a person, vs the violent obsession with this elusive 'anastasia' as a part of his father's legacy. the ability to point the gun, but can't pull the trigger. the sense of responsibility and morality at constant war because he recognises her both as human, a young girl, and that concept. and in the end he can't entirely dehumanise her enough to spill blood. she is a part of Duty, she's just a trembling young girl, she is a form of Closure, she is loveable. he is confronted with a very human anastasia, not a myth or legend or obsessive fantasy, but a Young Girl. garroth ro'meave eats that shit UP, in his current form he would less, but a garroth at the right-hand of his father, growing up to bear his legacy of blood and shame and Fulfill his command, at the head of the jury. he loves his country:) he loves his military capital city-state:) he has a duty to the people and to his father, dead of shame:). the children and their voices and how a man has to make painful choices huh. oh, he would. the neva flows/still + reprise is all him. i feel sickened.

i think i have more thoughts but i talked so much i am so sorry errrrrr woe thoughts be upon you !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111

[honeybeefae]

Let's start off with a bang! 69 😏

(The first number I got was 69, and while I know we all hoped it was spicy, y’all got FLUFF AND ANGST INSTEAD. And yes, this is the song from Encanto and yes it is one of my faves. I sing it to my daughter almost every night 🥹)

#69 - Two Oruguitas by Sebastian Yatra (Encanto Soundtrack)

Life Finds A Way (Eris Vanserra x Reader)

Summary// Growing up together, Eris was your closest friend. The two of you went through everything together and more often than not if one of you were somewhere, the other wasn’t far behind. However, when Amarantha comes to your court and begins to ensnare everyone, Eris forces you back and tells you to run and never look back. Now, after fifty-odd years, you have tracked back to your home, hoping to find him.

WARNINGS: Mentions of fighting, blood

“I can’t decide on which one to wear…” You mused to yourself, switching between two different outfits for dinner tonight. They both looked amazing on you, both beautiful in their own way, but it was impossible to choose. “If I do this one I could wear that necklace but this one-”

“Oh for Cauldron’s sake Y/N, are you still deciding?” A teasing voice groaned from the doorway, your eyes rolling at your best friend’s question. “It’s just a dinner, there’s no need to act like you are getting betrothed.”

You smirked, setting down the outfits on your bed, before turning around with your head cocked to the side. “At least if I were, my fiance wouldn’t have to worry about me showing up with my laces undone.” You snarked back, laughing when Eris’s eyes widened, and he fumbled with the top of his pants. 

It was a lie, of course, but you snatched one of the outfits and ran to the bathroom before he could grab you to torment you. The door slammed shut on him, and he playfully hit it with his fist, fighting the urge to smile at your antics. “You think you’re so funny, little fox.”

After a couple of minutes, you opened the door, dressed and ready for the night, and patted his cheek condescendingly. “No, I know I am funny.”

He shook his head and offered you his arm, leading the two of you out of your room and towards the dining hall. “You keep fidgeting. Are you nervous?”

“For Amarantha? No. She’s harmless and is actually doing well opening up the trade routes. I’m just wondering if the other dress would’ve looked better…” You sigh as you fiddled with the lace of your sleeve, missing the look that flashed in Eris’s eyes.

Both of you stopped just outside of the door and before you could take another step, he pulled you back by his side. The action caused you to look up at him, startled, only to immediately melt at his words.

“You look beautiful, Y/N. Anything would look good on you.”

Your cheeks warmed at the compliment and you had to look away so that he didn’t catch you trying to calm your breathing, mumbling a quiet “Thank you.” before leading the way inside.

The music was soft and melodic as you both parted ways to opposite ends of the dining table, smiling and acknowledging the other high members of the court as you took your seat. Amarantha was at the head with Lord Beron, Lady of the Autumn Court, and the rest of their family. 

Dinner was served promptly and it looked delicious, everyone digging in as the conversations kept moving from subject to subject. Eris kept sending you glances, which you returned shyly, as the night went on. It was almost time for dessert when the Emissary of Hybern stood abruptly, raising her glass and toasting to the Lord of Autumn.

“To your lord, who serves his court pridefully as well as his interests. May we have many more years of trade and peace.” Amarantha said sweetly, her hooded eyes watching Beron carefully as he savoured the ego stroke with a long sip of wine.

Everyone toasted but before you could even let the wine hit your tongue, you noticed your Lord struggling to speak. His glass fell from his grip, shattering on the floor, as he felt his power slipping away from him. You watched his skin change to a cooler tone, his body sagging as if it couldn’t even hold his own weight, while Amarantha laughed gleefully.

“What’s wrong, Beron? Choking on your own ambition? Or is it mine?” She snarled as Eris and his brothers immediately went to attack. Beron tried to send out a flame but all that came from his hand was a small tuft of smoke, his mouth agape in horror as well as everyone else’s.

She had stolen his power.

“Now boys, you know you are no match for me,” Amarantha chided as she sent them flying back with a wave of her hand, the doors to the dining hall bursting open to reveal a massive army of fae who were armed to the teeth. “Or my army. I would surrender now if I were you, Lord Beron.”

Beron stared at her with a gaze that could kill, his mouth tight as he used what was left of his strength to grab a nearby knife and slice her arm. She hissed, watching the blood stream down her dress, before the wound healed quickly.

“You retched whore, I will have your head for this.” Beron swore as he lunged again. Amarantha was faster though, dodging his attack and pinning his arm behind his head so that the knife was now pressed to his neck.

“Take the Lord and his family, kill the rest.” She ordered her army, not even sparing a glance to the innocent faes that were now running to escape. The armoured fae were quick to the slaughter, blood splattering across the walls as your brain tried to catch up with what was happening. 

“Run!” Eris’s voice cut through the chaos, your eyes meeting his in utter fear. You swiftly rose from your seat and looked to one of the windows, your heart pounding in your chest as you began to weave and dodge through the mass of bodies and swords. 

The air was burning in your lungs as adrenaline pumped through your body. You ducked down as one of her men tried to take your head, sliding underneath his legs as the window became closer and closer. It was becoming quieter and quieter as all of your family and friends became collateral to whatever Amarantha was starting, and you knew your window of opportunity was closing rapidly.

You used all your strength to break through the balcony windows, not even noticing the sting of the glass against your skin as you grabbed onto the ledge to try and swing out over the roaring waterfall below you. 

Time seemed to slow down as you turned to cast one last look of the massacare behind you, stomach churning violently before you saw Eris being hoisted up by one of the men. His eyes were panicked, searching the bodies for yours, until he landed on your shadowy figure hanging on by a thread. 

Every fiber of your being wanted to help him, to try and free him for whatever hell was about to endure, but Eris shook his head and mouthed, “Go. Now.” as the guard turned to follow his gaze.

It felt as if your very soul was being snatched from your heart as you blinked away the tears, closing your eyes and whispering, “I’ll find you, Eris.” before you let your hand open and you fell into the rigid waters below. Two of her men barely missed you, watching your body hit the water forcefully, before deciding you good as dead and turning back inside. 

As your body became swallowed by the falls, you were going in and out of consciousness. The impact had hurt you greatly. It felt like you had been slammed into a wall of cement and as you continued to struggle against the waves and churning of it, your air was beginning to run out.

You could feel the seconds tick by as you desperately tried to break to the surface, your muscles screaming in protest, and a small part of you wondered if you should just let it end here. Whatever was happening in Pyrthian was just the beginning and with everything you had just lost, what was the point? Where could you go?

The thoughts had you pulling back your strength, your eyes closing in acceptance, before Eris’s face flashed vividly in your mind. He was still alive, being marched to Cauldron knows where, but he was alive.

And as long as he was, you were too.

Your eyes opened in fierce determintation as you reached out for the surface once more, your hand wrapping around the branch of a tree as you pulled yourself up and onto the river bank with your last, gasping breath.

The river roaring behind you seemed to be all you could hear as you took in as much air as you could, laying face down in the sharp pebbles while regaining your strength.

Time was an illusion as you rolled onto your back, staring into the night sky as small shivers started to shake your body. The moon was high in the sky and you realized that you were in the middle of the forest, with no supplies, and close to freezing to death.

Pushing yourself up on unsteady legs you began to make your trek through the forest, finding a small cave where you hunkered down for the night as you lit a fire to keep you warm. The forest was alive with sound, crickets chirping and foxes hunting, as if it had no knowledge of what was happening around it.

You took comfort in that, in how life survived even in times like these. The Earth was resilient and as of now, you would have to be too. You needed to become more than a pretty fae in court. 

You had to become a weapon if you were going to survive.

51 Years Later

Every night you thought about Eris, your family and friends, and that hateful witch who had taken over. You could never stay in a place too long, disgusing yourself as a mercenary in the mortal lands to avoid getting caught by one of Amarantha’s henchmen, but you never forget where you came from. 

At first you had planned to attack her and her men in the middle of the nights, spying on them like Eris had taught you when he took you on hunting trips, but it fell apart when you realized the gravity of the situation. 

She hadn’t just taken Beron’s powers…she had taken everyones. Within a few weeks she had control over all of Pyrthian and had taken refuge Under The Mountain where the horrors of her court were whispered in taverns and castles. 

You had quickly realized you could not take her down, not alone, and the one time you had tried to organzie a rebellion they had turned on each other and almost caused you to be caught. 

So you became normal, doing menial tasks for poor pay in order to survive in hopes of one day avenging your court and family. It was what kept you going. Hope was all you had left.

It wasn’t until a few months ago you heard that some human girl, Feyre, had bravely gone and beaten Amarantha and her entire group of vermin. She had died in the battle but with the newly returned powers of all of the High Lords, she had been Made again as a faerie. 

Most of the mortals scoffed at the idea of it, seeing her as a traitor more than a martyr, but what little fae you knew in the mortal lands regarded her as a saviour. 

Feyre Cursebreaker was what they called her, a fitting name for her deeds. Some of your aquantinces had started to make their trip back to the wall to see if it was true, something you hadn’t had the guts to do, only to never be heard from again.

That could only mean two things and with all the hell you had been through, you assumed the worst. Until one night, while drinking cheap wine, you heard his name.

“Eris is sure to fit in for his father when the time comes. Beron already showed his weakness when everything happened, it was the reason Amarantha chose him to start with, and his sons pridefulness is just like his.” One of the dark haired fae stated beside you, scoffing. 

“What did you say?” You turned to ask, voice low and slightly desperate. “Are they back in the Autumn Court?”

The two fae gave you a long stare, probably taking note of your autumnesque features, before chuckling. “They’ve been back, kid. Have you not heard about Feyre Cursebreaker? She-”

“Of course I’ve heard of her. I just didn’t know if it was mere gossip or if she actually freed them.” You retorted snarkily, frowning at them as they shook their heads at your words. “But it is true?”

“Yes, as is our words about Beron and his bastard sons.” The dark hair oned huffed, sneering at the thought of them. “I would keep your distance from the Autumn Court, girl, even if it is where you hail from. That mountain changed everyone.”

You looked down at your wine, the dark scarlet swirling around just like it had that night. The screams of your friends, Eris’s deseperate plea, it was like the glass was taunting you into reliving it over again. It seemed to know you were too scared to go back and face what happened.

But as you looked out the window and into the warm, sunny day, you thought back to that first night in the cave. Everything around you had adapted to life but that didn’t mean it stopped there, it changed every day and sometimes…sometimes it took leaps of faith.

The two fae watched as you slammed money down and headed outside, shrugging their shoulders at your stubbornness. You brushed past everyone with little regard, eyes dead set on the wall that was growing closer with each step.

It was as ominous as you remembered, vibrating with magical energy. Your bravery faltered in the fear of the unknown but you pushed past it, steeling yourself as you walked through and into the warm air of the Spring Court. You braced yourself for someone to strike you down, for your throat to be slashed or stomach slit, but it never came.

Instead all you heard was peace. The birds were singing, the sun warm on your skin, and it was like the land was welcoming you back. You couldn’t stop the laugh that bubbled in your chest as you sank to the ground and buried your fingers into the earth. 

You could feel it healing, could feel it singing in praise as the past became the past. It made you giddy with excitement and without a moment to lose, you threw off your tattered cloak and began your trek to the Autumn Court. 

Hours flew by and for the first time in forever, you couldn’t feel it. The only emotion that was occurring was hope as the border got closer. Trees started to turn orange and red, the familiar wind of Autumn wrapping around you like a warm hug. 

And when you made the final step into the forest…you felt tranquility. After fifty one years, you were home. You were where you belonged. It was a feeling you wish you could bottle up and keep forever.

A twig snapped behind you and you whipped around to see an Autumn Court sentry, his arrow pointed directly at you. “Who are you and what are you doing here?” He yelled, eyes as cold as stone.

Before you could explain yourself, instinct took over and you took off. The arrow flew past your head but from your time in the woods, you knew exactly where to go. People were shouting behind you, hounds howling as they started to track you, but you were running on utter impulse.

No one could catch you, not even their trained dogs, as you slid down to the river bank and leapt across the roaring waters. The logical part of your brain was begging you to stop and explain but you couldn’t risk it, weaving between the trees until you were sure you had lost them.

Your back hit the large oak behind you with a thud as you caught your breath, listening for any sounds. It was quiet though, not even the hounds barking, and when you turned to peak around the trunk you felt a burning fire wrap around your legs and drag you out of your hiding spot.

“No! No! Let me go!” You screamed, thrashing erratically as you came to a stop and a large, warm hand hoisted you up roughly by your shoulders. “I swear on the Mother I will-”

“Y/N?” Eris said in disbelief, eyebrows furrowed in shock as you stared into those eyes that had kept you company all these years. 

He was alive and standing before you, his grip unbelievably tight as you felt hot tears well in your eyes. Your mouth opened and closed for a moment, relief and disbelief mixing in a confusing cocktail.

“Eris…” You breathed, the tears now flowing freely. “It is you.”

The binds of fire vanished around your legs as he pulled you into a crushing hug, breathing in the scent of your hair as you broke down in his arms. You tried to touch every part of him, feeling the muscles in his back before moving to grasp his hair. 

Words could not describe what you were feeling, what he was feeling, but they were not needed. The wind picked up around the two of you, leaves twirling around in a dance of harmony as you both sunk to your knees and held each other for who knows how long.

Any questions either of you had were on the back burner. For now, you wanted to stay in this moment with him forever. 

[criticallyobs]

Songs from our Last Twilight Playlists...

We all really loved the music from this show right? Talking to Mirela and Kess I thought it might be fun for us to pick a non-soundtrack song that gave us mega Last Twilight feels and got us through the Show.

I fall deep into music when I become obsessed with something and everything just reminds me of that one thing.

I'm going to cheat like normal I have so many songs on my current playlist that remind me of Last Twilight and Mork specifically.

My Recommendations:

This song just gave me so many Mork feels, the themes of unwavering love and selflessness in the face of darkness just embody his feelings for Day. Half Life with the lyrics "I'll give you my half life so you'll see tomorrow" and "You know I said it, I'd never let you fade away" reminds me of the lengths we see Mork go for Day, even if it meant sacrificing his own feelings to ensure that the person he loved was okay. - Z

"But when all is said and done, you're only thing I see, my love So tell me what you're lookin' for You're written in the stories, a livin' masterpiece So when all is said and done, why you standin' next to me, my love? So tell me what you're lookin' for"

I feel like I shades of both Day and Mork in these lyrics, they are both so broken, and don't believe anyone would choose them. - Z

"I knew this day would come I know I should be ready for it but I'm not Instead I just feel stupid Part of me is losing Something that I never had It wasn't mine

I'm done, I'm done I won't reach out Swear I'll keep out I'll move on, move on And let you be happy Without me At least I won't be wondering How it goes

I knew it had to end Count down started from the moment that we met But I chose to ignore it I thought I was better for it I didn't know I'd feel right now What I felt then"

Episode 11 vibes so strong with this song. Breaking my Mork heart with the idea that maybe he was waiting for it all to end because he felt so undeserving of Day's love and the opportunity to walk by his side. - Z

This song flips between Day and Mork for me but the lyrics:

"Won't you put a knife right thru my heart Leave without a word into the dark Cause I don't deserve to know your love And the thought of losing us tears me apart"

Crush my heart just like the end of Episode 11 - This bit is so Mork, he just needs Day here and instead he's rejected. - Z

"A moment is worthless no meaning, purpose Every breath is just wasted If you are not the center of my world I'm just drifting, barely existing Cause every minute without you is worthless Without you is worthless

And you know the state of my condition Yet you hold me anyway and I won't a step unless it's your direction Where was I, before I finally realized"

This song just resonates in me how Mork made Day his every reason and purpose and how he shaped his identity and outlook on life through Day's 'eyes' and built it on what he thought Day needed from him and how his sense of fulfillment was built on being by Day's side. - Z

Mirela's Picks:

This song reminds me of Mork's heartbreak and loneliness. It's about him missing his sister, yearning for Day struggling to move on, and wanting to get back to a time where he can be with the people he loves, a place that feels like home. - M

This one is one of my favorite songs ever. I added it to the LT playlist a long time ago, watching them being brave and overcoming their conditions together. Their journey was just as inspiring as this song is to me. It's a song about starting over, never giving up, and carrying on with hope. It's about living your life to the fullest, having perseverance, and not letting the fire inside of you die out. It also reminds me of the poster from episode one "Too fast to live, too young to die". - M

Kess' Choice:

“If I knew I’d only get one more sunset with you … I’d hold you closer, kiss you slow while the world’s on fire” — This song embodies how much Mork loves Day; how he wants to give him all the time he can; cherish every moment with him. - K

I know Kess and I both really loved Jay Garche's 'Last Twilight (William Jakrapatr | Last Twilight (ภาพสุดท้าย) Ost. | English Cover)' it's AMAZING!!!!

Thank you all so much for joining us on our Last Twilight journey!

[purplejabberwock]

hello! if you're still taking fanfic asks - 5, 11, & 20!

Game questions from this meme.

5. have you ever made a playlist about something you were writing as an elaborate means to procrastinate when you could have been actually writing and if yes drop a link, son

No, never. If I plonk my ass in my writing chair and struggle, then I know there's something else up that I need to address. 'Elaborate means to procrastinate', in my mind, reads as 'I am lying to myself about an issue that's stopping me from writing', and I'm not a particular fan of the phrase because it pretends that I'm not an autonomous being who can make poor choices and own them.

I don't avoid writing. I choose to write, or I don't. If I find myself distractible and make the considered choice to be gentle, that's something else. Sometimes the choice is a bad one, but at least it's one I made, not something I just 'let happen'. Sometimes it's a valid one, like now, because I'm close to moving day and Just Don't Have The Room In My Brain. But it's still a choice I'm making, not an avoidance.

More on-topic, though, playlists have never really been my thing. I have songs I associate with characters and occasionally locations, but I don't put them into a playlist. I do listen to music when I write, and it's almost always instrumental -- John Dreamer and Two Steps From Hell being particular favourites, but often soundtracks from various places. Victory (Two Steps From Hell) deserves a special mention for being my on-repeat song for a while.

I do have an instrumental song I associate with the Tir from DMW, and an instrumental for the Dead Men in particular, but unfortunately my sister gave me those on a ripped CD yonks ago and I have never known their names, so I can't point them out.

11. what’s something neat you’ve learned while doing research for something you were writing? also, how much do you worry about doing research in general?

Penis hats. (VERY NSFW.)

I love research. Learning about new things is one of the pleasures of writing, for me. The issue is that it can sometimes get in the way of writing: it's a skill to realise a quick research jaunt is actually turning out much longer and cut it short, and change what you intended to write if necessary. (This, more than playlists, is my risk in terms of accidental distractions.)

Most of the time I can keep to quick research jaunts, but sometimes I need to consciously set that aside, or leave up a load of tabs to look at another time or to reference later. I haven't yet found a way of collating links I'm satisfied with, because if I want to know something most times I'll just google it again, but you can usually tell what I'm writing by what kind of tabs I have up next to Atticus. I do exhibit browser hygiene (in terms of having a different browser 'account' for my writing stuff) so at least I can afford to keep the tabs there until I'm done with them.

For those interested, my current writing tabs. (Inclusive counting does my head in.)

20. what is your favorite trope to write?

'Someone died in canon and I Refuse'. What, that's not a real trope name? I'm not going to TVTropes to be Official, I'm no fool.

[mintski]

season two countdown prompts ↪ july 19-21, favourite musical sequence: changes (season 1, episode 9) “all die young, when love is love and when you are young”

[ialwaysknewyouwerepunk]

perfect now - a close reading

only pure and true love for this one. it’s soft and sweet because the one he wrote it for is and needs cheesy uncool romcom soundtrack-worthy affirmations and it’s the most wonderful thing oh my the flurries 

some album booklet art for your viewing pleasure

((just a warning for below: while the lyric analysis was kept fairly neutral and close to the words and their meaning, more and more parallels did ensure me larrying out by the time the analysis kicked off so if you’re not into that, you can skip this one!))

⟼ check out @bluewinnerangel​ ‘s magnificent post with all the parallels to 1d/h&l bc it’s exhaustive and was a source for mine <3 thank you again for your service <3 bc this song really is a fanpiece of every song that has been important to them throughout their career so far, whether they wrote it or not, and it’s honestly kinda impressive

SUMMARY

you’re sad and i love you so much i will do anything to make that undone but while you’re sad know that i sill very much love you and you’re also strong enough to conquer all of this on your own but i’ll be by your side anyway

lyric breakdown ft. the many parallels, incl. little things, through the dark and wmyb

what this says about louis, his partner and the relationship he is in

never gonna dance again frenzy

identity 

louis is a marvellous majestic sonofabitch basically <3

walls, track 10

～ little things “you still have to squeeze into your jeans, but you’re perfect to me”

You don’t feel pretty and it’s hard to miss

You don’t feel pretty and it’s hard to miss

later lyric: “like a neon sign” - i see through you trying to hide away your insecurities

I wish that you could see my point of view As someone staring back at you

“you” is also staring at him, but perhaps is too insecure to realise how mutual the adoration is

i wish i could get you out of your own negative spiral and give you a look at yourself from my perspective

～ wmyb “everyone else in the room can see it, everyone else but you” 

～ wmyb “right now i’m looking at you and i can’t believe you don’t know you’re beautiful”

～ little things “you never love yourself half as much as I love you, and you’ll never treat yourself right darling but I want you to. If I let you know, I’m here for you, maybe you’ll love yourself like I love you”

On Friday night when we’re all out I turn to you and you’re looking down And you don’t wanna dance I know you love to dance You never stop given half the chance

heavy echoes of kmm again, but the opposite: the “nightmare on the dance floor” doesn’t want to dance

when “you” is confident rlly not being subtle with who i think that is, they love to dance <-> tpwk “feeling good in my skin, i just keep on dancing”

“i know you love to dance” = i know what you love bc i love you

“given half the chance” 

～ tpwk “giving/given second chances”

given a chance tattoo, making another appearance (see below for more tattoo meltdowns)

Just keep your head up, love, keep your head up

term of endearment <3 

～ dlibyh

this album is full of encouragement to keep going and as much as it gives me life it ruins me 

Don’t hide away, don’t ever change

“be happy, proud”

～ “just hold on”

“pick someone who’s supportive”

Keep your head up, love, keep your head up Don’t look away, don’t look away

don’t look away from me

～ through the dark “and I can see your head is held in shame”

Cause everybody’s looking at you now, my, oh my

they have the stage to themselves / new career paths they’re doing on their own

could also mean ppl they’re going out with are looking at them, which “you” interprets as sth negative, which makes them self-conscious, while they’re actually admiring them bc they steal the scene

～ wmyb “you’re turning heads when you walk through the door”

I guess some queens don’t need a crown And I know why Even when your tears are falling down Still, somehow, you’re perfect now

“you” is royalty to louis, to put it simply 

they don’t need something on their head to make it known to everyone else - they’re a queen and everyone knows it

gendered: female - also used in drag contexts - the only time L has used any gendered word to identify his partner on the entire album (more on this below)

～ steal my girl "she's been my queen since we were sixteen" can't believe i forgot this one thank you @mortalenemiestolovers for reminding me!!!

～ falling

～ through the dark “you tell me that your tears are here to stay”

You never do, but if you asked me to I’ll tell the truth lying next to you

“you” never asks for affirmations directly, but by saying shit like their pants are too tight make it clear enough to L that they do need to hear once in a while that it’s not true

Cause you’re the only one when it’s said and done You make me feel like being someone 

Good to you even at your worst

～ always you

i love you so much you are a force of life to me, and even when you hate me i want more

～ drag me down “If I didn’t have you there would be nothing left, the shell of a man who could never be his best. If I didn’t have you, I’d never see the sun. You taught me how to be someone” (sung by louis first, harry second) 

～ through the dark “even if you scream and shout, it’ll come back to you and I’ll be here for you

You steal the scene and it’s unrehearsed

reference to working on a stage - their natural presence wins everyone over - that charisma is never manufactured

Don’t you wanna dance? Just a little dance I’ll never stop given half the chance

L keeps encouraging them, will also not pass by any chance to dance with them

Every insecurity, like a neon sign, as bright as day If you knew what you were to me You would never try to hide away

“it’s hard to miss”

L sees through them trying to hide their insecurities, pretend to be strong

～ through the dark “but I know you were only hiding”

SYNTHESIS

Perfect Now is not a fan favorite and I am so not here for that discourse, so please do not pester me with negativity about this chocolate drop of a song. 

As others have pointed out, the parallels with other songs written by Louis, Harry or for One Direction are extremely present. Especially Little Things is echoed loudly, but there’s so much more to be read, as you’ve seen. These are songs that are clearly near and dear to Louis, bc he wrote them or bc performing them was special, like with Little Things and What Makes You Beautiful. A lot of the same emotions come back in Louis’s writing, so much so that you can’t help but see the larger story behind it all. Throughout Walls you can hear him singing about not giving up and holding your head high despite hardships, and if you look back at his earlier writing, it’s always been there. Through the Dark is an early and striking example of this style of Louis song: you’re sad and i love you so much i will do anything to make that undone but while you’re sad know that i sill very much love you and you’re also strong enough to conquer all of this on your own but i’ll be by your side anyway 

basically through the dark’s chorus:

Oh, I will carry you over Fire and water for your love And I will hold you closer Hope your heart is strong enough When the night is coming down on you We will find a way Through the dark

It is very clear that Louis is faced with a partner - I can freely say it’s Harry now right? are the antis gone by now? i think so - that struggles with his body, with his identity, with how he wants to present himself vs how opinions on that might push him down and dampen his spirit. Louis, always the supportive boyfriend, then tries his best to make him see the light, while keeping that space for his sadness, his struggles, or their joint struggles. Accept the sadness but don’t lose your heart to it.

I’ve linked @bluewinnerangel​ ‘s post at the start of this post, but I need to stress how good it is once more as I also shamelessly insert a screenshot from it here bc it makes me feel a lot and summarizes perfectly just how deeply Perfect Now is woven into the history of their lives, relationship and especially “you”s/Harry’s personal struggle with their identity/body/confidence...

Because yes, i absolutely think these tattoos are being echoed in the song. “Never gonna dance again” as a lyric and then as a tattoo on Harry’s legs like shackles around his ankles represents the sensation of shame, of being stuck, bc of your desires, bc of your sexuality. Obviously we can never know why Harry got the tattoo, as in what experience pushed him to choose those lyrics or what exactly he recognizes in himself, but it’s safe to say it’s about the struggles of being queer and navigating relationships with that identity and with others.

Most importantly, the sense of shamelessly dancing, dancing like no one’s watching, dancing together with your lover, as a celebration of self, life, love, is the key here. Harry got that tattoo ages ago, at a time when he undoubtedly felt way more stuck. When he couldn’t dance freely the way he wanted to and with whom he wanted to. Perfect Now is a reminder to him, an encouragement to still dance if he wants to, no matter what people say or think. Significantly, then, Harry’s own Treat People With Kindness heavily features that same sentiment, but in an extremely positive light: i have found a place (in life and in myself) where i feel like i have given and was given second chances and now i dance bc i finally feel good in my skin.

Louis has obviously been there from the start, or at least from when or before Harry properly started experimenting with/questioning how he likes to present and how he identifies as. Before he ever dared to consider pulling on a pair of women’s skinny jeans, never mind a ball gown. Louis has seen him limit himself as well as being limited by others ofc and has always seemed to have been there, with a secure hand on Harry’s back, to encourage him. Even at a time when boys wearing nail polish or skirts was unthinkable. Just remember how much encouragement Harry needed when growing out his hair; Louis literally joined him. yes this might make me cry okay i need to stop bc i’m going off track and this is just becoming a larry breakdown while i was trying to hype up this beautiful song. 

What I’m trying to say is: Louis has always seen all of Harry. He’s always had his back, no matter what. He’s loved every part of him. And now, on a completely gender neutral album, in the sweetest, softest song off of the entire thing, Louis puts in the word “queen”, and that is so very deliberate it makes me want to scream. It’s Louis confirming his love again and again while affirming the multitudes contained by Harry, including everything involving his gender journey. brb crying

It’s a raw Louis, an honest, sweet, kind, loving partner, and both of them are fucking lucky to have each other, and I also wish that all of us end up in a caring and wholesome relationship like that. I truly do.

[egyptian-sun-god]

Never Have I Ever (mildly critical lens)

1. BIG THING. NHIE is not a show that was made directed at me. Yes it has similarities with my heritage as Indian but I am not American. Not born there nor raised. I am a diaspora Tamilian though, and my schools throughout most of my life have had very little Indians and even fewer Tamilians in them. Usually its just me.  So while there is overlap, Devi and I would have innately different experiences and worldviews.

2. Why is her last name Vishwakumar and her Dad’s name Mohan? Where that coming from. Correct me if I’m wrong, but most to all Tamil people use patronymic's right? Like am I right or am I tripping? Someone correct me. I checked Mindy Kaling’s bio and she took her father’s last name so I might be tripping? 

3. Okay straight off the bat, Devi annoyed the hell outta me. Like no joke...I really dislked Devi. But she’s a traumatized teenager who has no common sense and too much hormones. I’ve seen ppl like her so I’m fairly happy we have a flawed and messed up portrayal of a POC and doesn’t feed into the idea of perfection. But also Devi’s mom is suprisingly lenient to Devi’s disrespect man. like I see why but woowowowowo....she’s uncharacteristically tolerant sometimes. 

Now even though I get that Devi is supposed to be flawed and unlikeable. Because she is immensely selfish and bitchy with shitty communication skills. Devi’s friends forgive her waaay to fast. Like ladies, what are you aiming for? SAINTHOOD? Like at least let her grovel a little bit for being such a bitch. 

4. Love interest. Y’all heard me. WHY THE FUCK IS BOTH OF HER INTERESTS WHITE or at least definitely white passing. Like they did Paxton dirty man. Like was it too much? Was it too much to wish for Devi to have more Indian friends or like an Indian/POC love interest? I feel personally that it is such a weird precedent that has been set with POC centric love stories. And this definitely should be a critic that has come up before. 

You know which love stories resonated with me? Nalini and Mohan. Because it represented the possibility of like marrying someone (going off the assumption they were arranged to be married) and falling in love after marriage. A very real scenario for many many couples. Kamala’s entire shenanigan with Steve and Prasanth and having to choose between the uncertain boyfriend situation but losing family but keeping family and going with an arranged marriage. Also props to Kaling for not demonizing arranged marriages. Please please let season 2 explore Kamala’s struggle more. Hell even that one off thing with Eleanor and the tech crew boy was funny. 

5. Kamala’s whole character was many vibes. Because counting down and stressing about marriage is such a goddamn relatable feeling. I ain’t that much younger than Kamala and let me tell you the anticipation/fear is REAL. And like her talking in Ganesh puja and like weighting the options of being a social outcast or going with the arranged marriage and with the hope that like you’ll find someone cool.

6. I don’t like how Devi tries to reject her Indian culture and I really really hope they develop that next season or something and get her to find a balance. Because at the end of that season she did get a good talking to about trying to be Indian enough or too Indian and finding that balance but it doesn’t feel like she’s finding that balance and her being jealous of the other Indian girl does not bode well for me. 

ALSO THEY FUCKING MISSED OUT SO BAD. You make a series about a Tamil American girl and you don’t name drop any famous stars. Thala Thalapathy, Superstar??? VJS?? Surya? Dhanush? Nobody? Why? Like Devi doesn’t know them...makes sense. But like Kamala is from town right? She has to have carried some of that. Like that scene when she called them for a movie right? Why not name drop some famous ass classic like Baasha or Sachein or Roja? Like a cool nod to the Tamil kids out there watching this series to see parts of their culture and language included. Like even the soundtrack and songs have no Tamil songs? Like not even one for the heck of it?? WHY? IS THAT NOT SO SO MUCH MISSED REPRESENTATION? Like typical Tamil things like making a beat out of random shit, Tamil kuthu songs, Typical Tamil mega serials, food and enjoying food together. Like why wasn’t the food stated or name dropped. 

Personally, NHIE was really really really white palatable and it didn’t really get it into any roots of our culture especially for a girl struggling to find roots as in where she fits. Like you gotta show both cultures and let the audience and Devi figure out where she fits. If you show long Netflix shows like Pretty little liars, show alternatives like mega serials such as Chitti or Mudiyaathu Karuppu or Mettioli? Or if you wanna be more modern name drop Tamil webseries’s? If you wanna show English pop hits, show Tamil album songs and kuthu beats. IF YOU WANNA REPRESENT, THEN ACTUALLY REPRESENT. Don’t pull this generic ass BS on me!

5. I hope the lack of tamil culture in the series gets corrected next season somehow. I don’t have ANY ANY faith that it will. But I can be hopeful. Also I lowkey like that Devi has like a “rival” of another Indian girl. I don’t like that is is rivalry cause brown sisters gotta support each other and that’s sort of been the general motto from where I’m from. But like I get why and it would make complete sense. 

I really really hope that Aneesha is like super super Indian. Proud of her culture and brings a lot of her culture and its facets to discussions and not afraid to make her culture a focal point of herself.  It would be a really good foil to Devi and it might spark some thought into her and accepting or at least recognizing the cool shit about being Tamil. I wanna see that mainly cause I used to be lowkey ashamed for having a strong accent when I speak cause I was made fun of and I didn’t like having different lunches or listening to different music and not being part of the more Western culture. But I learnt to ignore that and became like 3000 times more proud of being Tamil and wore like traditional clothes to school, ranging from kurti tops over jeans at first and eventually wearing full on chudidaars and saris (saris to proms at least, I couldn’t wear a sari on a daily, half sari probably, sari would be hard). Bringing traditional sweets and food and distributing them to anyone who would ask and trading lunches.  Please let me see a brown kid who is proud to be brown and straight up in your face about it at times. 

(Unrelated but to Tamil/Indian ppl who had other Indian/Tamil kids in your school like was trading lunches or like sharing lunches common? Like its a pretty common Tamil thing to do and I brought that culture of taking some of everybody’s lunch and giving everybody a part of mine everywhere I went. But like was that a thing? )

[menaceanon]

4, 11, and 13 for the ask meme!

Oooh, let’s see! Gonna do all of these for Chiaroscuro. This also got... way longer than expected lmao.

4: What’s your favorite line of dialogue?:

So there are a handful of moments I’m really fond of, but there’s one exchange from chapter 5 that remains my favorite. Up until this point I’d only had a rough plan for Mary and Ed’s dynamic, but when I wrote this exchange I knew I’d really found them, and (better yet) that it would work. Also, Mary’s confession about barnacles still makes me laugh.

She passes the bandage to Ed, who loops it around his front and hands it back on the other side. “I’m afraid I’m not very diligent about drilling them in their manners.”

“Oh, yeah, manners,” Ed says. “I was just about to complain about their manners. Oof,” he adds, as she tugs the bandage pointedly. 

“I’m trying to warn you that they’re about to latch on to you like a couple of barnacles. They have sticky hands and a thousand questions.”

“Are you sure you know what a barnacle is?”

“I have no idea what a barnacle is.” Mary tucks the bandage in on itself, checks her work, and straightens. “Put your shirt on,” she drawls, “you’re distracting Doug.” Ed winks at her. 

11. What do you like best about this fic?:

That’s tough to say, since the fic is really just me picking up things I like and cramming them into a word doc as fast as I can. But if you were to force me to choose… Actually, I can tell you what I’m proudest of.

I like that Mary spends time playing counselor, but it’s never at the expense of her personhood. That’s a pet peeve of mine, when a character—usually a woman and/or a person or color—is written less as a character than as a conduit for a ship, and their own needs and wants and loves and hates are subsumed to that purpose.

The first thing we see Mary doing in her new life is counseling another widow, and from her voiceover in ep 10 it’s clear that she spent a lot of time deliberately learning about herself. This is a woman who likes thinking about what makes people tick and how to solve their problems. It makes complete sense that she’d meddle with Ed and Stede. But it’s always going to be on her own terms. That’s important to me.

The itchiest parts of this story for me are the places where that element could use some improvement—either earlier chapters, when I was writing mostly just to get a silly scene out of my head and only had a faint idea what the arc of the fic would be; or else times I had to write quickly and force myself to publish on time because (speaking of working on yourself) I’ve spent a lot of time teaching myself not to let the perfect be the enemy of the good.

But whenever I struggled to write a scene, that idea became my lodestone, and I think—I hope—it shows.

13. What music do you listen to, if any, to get in the mood for writing this story? Or if you didn’t listen to anything, what do you think readers should listen to to accompany us while reading?

So I rarely have music on while I’m plotting or writing, because unless I am Extremely In The Zone it’s just going to be ADHD sensory hell. But I do put my headphones in and go for a walk when I’m stuck on a scene, and I listen to songs that—usually sound-wise and nothing else—fit the tone of what I was trying to write.

Honorable mentions go to Leon Bridges (who, now that I’m considering this question, may have the end credits song), ABBA (obvi), and the Umbrella Academy soundtrack (a helpfully diverse collection).

That said, my playlists were recently all obliterated (thoughts and prayers please) so for Chiaroscuro I primarily listened to the OFMD soundtrack. It actually worked out really well. I also got a free dose of serotonin every time I re-realized that this was the first time i had a blorbo show make a canon ship playlist.

Maybe when the fic is wrapped I’ll go through and put together a proper playlist (Menace said, boldly, as though she doesn’t just listen to the same 15 songs over and over) but for now I can tell you there is, in fact, ONE scene in the fic with an extremely and meticulously specific music cue:

[spoilers for Chiaroscuro below the cut!]

If I blocked Chapter 15 out like a movie scene, with no accounting for how long it takes to physically read the scene, then Jethro Tull’s Locomotive Breath would start at the line: “But Ed is here. Ed is here.“

That sweet little guitar lick about 0:30 in hits as Ed appears etched in shadow—then the beat picks up as Mary realizes he’s set something of a trap.

That fuzzy guitar whiiiine, of course, happens right as Anne Bonny says, “Blackbeard.” And then the beat drops.

[belphies-wife]

Hello! I was wondering if you could do the brothers (+Undatables of you can) reacting to MC turning into a troll. Idk how or why. But a troll (like from the movie trolls). I just need a good laugh, thank you. Have a great day.

I apologize for disappearing :( I’ve been really busy with schoolwork lately and Ramadan. The school year will end in a little less than two months, so work should be calming soon after we finish wrapping up our current units and doing our exams <3. Ramadan is over now, so I do have a bit of extra time on my hands. Hopefully, I’ll become more active soon <3. I probably won’t be back on my regular posting schedule for a while, but I’m keeping my fingers crossed. Here’s a study help carrd if you’re struggling with school/schoolwork or just want to check it out. I love you guys <3. Take care of yourselves <3

Now, without further ado, I present to you:

The Demon Brother’s Reacting to MC turning into a troll

»»————-　♔　-————««

➼ Now, you might be wondering: How and why did you end up in this situation?

➼ Well, to put it simply, you had realized that the demon brothers hadn’t watched many human world movies and were really missing out on some classics.

➼ So, it had become a habit for you to choose a movie for them to watch every Friday night.

➼ Eventually, your movie nights had turned into sleepovers in the family room.

➼ You started incorporating games and snacks.

➼ It became more of an organized event, and everyone took turns choosing the week’s game.

➼ It had been Satan’s turn, and he had made multiple batches of a potion that would cause the first that thought popped into your head two minutes after the potion’s ingestion to come to life.

➼ Well, not come to life. Basically, something would happen to you that had to do with that thought that popped into your head.

➼ The challenge was to keep your mind completely blank for two whole minutes.

➼ And it just to happened the movie you had picked was Trolls.

➼ So, as you can imagine, you drank the potion and attempted to keep your mind blank. You managed to get through about thirty seconds before thinking of the movie you had just watched.

➼ Poof, you were a troll.

➼ Your troll form still resembled you. Your skin tone remained the same, and your hair colour and texture hadn’t changed, other than the fact that it stood straight up.

Lucifer

➼ Humans were fragile enough as is, but now you were tiny?

➼ Do you know how close this man was to strangling Satan? How long until it wears off, anyway?

➼ Once he managed to calm down, he realizes how silly the situation is.

➼ He carried you around in his breast pocket and kept you on his desk while he worked, letting you entertain yourself by watching Devilflix on his D.D.D. If you got hungry, he would sleep you a small cookie and allow you to have a few sips of his tea.

➼ Honestly, he’s probably the most mature about it. He does occasionally tease you for your tiny size, though. And how ridiculous your hair looks.

»»————-　♔　-————««

Mammon

➼ He probably panicked the most out of everyone.

➼ He was full-on yelling at Satan to change you back or figure something out.

➼ When he eventually calmed down and insisted on picking you up.

➼ He refused to let you down on the ground because he was afraid that someone would step on you.

➼ He let you sit on his shoulder and took you wherever you needed to go.

➼ Unfortunately, he tended to forget that you were there and that he had to be careful with you. Otherwise, you might fall off.

➼ He caught you every time you did fall, though, and then apologized a couple hundred times. You’re not getting hurt under his watch.

➼ He tried to cook tiny, you-sized food, but it didn’t turn out well, so he just gave you some of his food and attempted to hide his disappointment.

➼ He found a small box and put towels and tiny pillows in there so that you could sleep comfortably.

➼ Of course, he put the box in his room, so if you needed anything, he’d be right there for you.

➼ The absolute relief he felt when you turned back

➼ It took a lot of convincing to get him to let you play the game again.

➼ Protective Mammon™

»»————-　♔　-————««

Leviathan

➼ If Mammon panicked most, then Levi was in second place.

➼ He wouldn’t let anyone else touch you or pick you up. He’d get jealous if someone so much as looked at you.

➼ “This is just like this one anime I watched called ‘My Best Friend Shrunk and Now I Have to Take Care of Them Until They Turn Back to Normal!’”

➼ He just kind of kept you in his room while he played games. He let you play on his DS when you got bored of watching him.

➼ He got you whatever you asked for and make sure you’re comfy the whole time too

➼ He even shared his special Ruri-Chan snacks with you because he cares about you that much <3

»»————-　♔　-————««

Satan

➼ He thought it was  h i l a r i o u s.

➼ He probably knew how to reverse your situation, but thought it was too funny, so he decided not to tell you until it wore off.

➼ Ohohoho the  s m a c c  that he got-

➼ But seriously, if your troll issue was genuinely bothering or upsetting you, he would have turned you back in a heartbeat.

➼ He also made fun of your hair.

»»————-　♔　-————««

Asmodeus

➼ Oh, this man gets you so many tiny clothes.

➼ Where did he even get them from? No idea. What store even sells clothes in troll sizes?

➼ Anyways, you were probably the most fashionably dressed troll in the Devildom. You were also the only troll in the Devildom.

➼ He absolutely adored your hair.

➼ Also, somehow got his hands on miniature hair accessories?

➼ Seriously, where is he getting this stuff from? And on such short notice?

➼ He takes a million pictures of you and posts them. You go viral on Devilgram.

➼ When you change back, you just have all these tiny clothes and accessories and have no idea what to do with them.

»»————-　♔　-————««

Beelzebub

➼ He was pretty worried about you.

➼ How couldn’t he be? You were so tiny! What if someone squished you? He would never forgive himself if you got hurt, even if he didn’t have anything to do with it.

➼ He was terrified of holding you at first because he was scared of doing something wrong and dropping you or crushing you as a result.

➼ You had to assure him a million times that you trusted him and that you were sure that he would never harm you.

➼ Even then, he was so careful with you that you’d think you were made of thin ice.

➼ Like Mammon, Beel also refused to let you out of his sight and panicked when he lost track of you.

➼ He thought you were adorable while you were little, though.

»»————-　♔　-————««

Belphegor

➼ Does not give a crap™ 

➼ Seriously. He was asleep when it happened and had to have everything explained to him when he woke up.

➼ He also thought it was hilarious and used it as an opportunity to bother you.

➼ “Holy crap, your hair looks like a skinny pyramid.”

➼ He gave you rainbow food and played overly-cheery music, along with the Trolls soundtrack, just to bother you.

➼ He played “Can’t Stop the Feeling” so much that Lucifer threatened to hang him from the ceiling multiple times.

➼ The fact that he was bothering Lucifer just egged him on.

➼ The entire House of Lamentation had that song memorized by the time you turned back.

➼ He probably also made you a little bed because even though he’s a piece of crap, he really loves you and wants you to be comfortable.

»»————-　♔　-————««

Thank you so much for reading! <3

Request a Fic/Headcanon || Obey Me Masterlist

[lol-q]

There’s so many things I love about the show that I haven’t seen people give enough credit for and I want to go on a little ramble because people are focusing so much on what they don’t like vs. what they do. So here’s my list. Sorry for the grammatical errors 😬

I love that the lesbian main character is this sweet, innocent, big hearted young woman and not portrayed as a overly sexual fuckboi that hits on every woman. I love that Fatou is soft and gentle. More lesbian rep like that please

I love the soundtrack. It’s exactly the type of stuff I imagine Fatou would listen to and it’s not just the top 100 hit songs.

I love that they use the soundtrack as a way to connect to the plot line, like the lyrics to the song Fatou was listening to when she was on the rooftop said “And I hate to leave you feeling all alone.But your story cannot start until you've grown. You can find how to be OK on your own. I just can't be the one that makes you feel at home” which was a hint as to where the plot was going

^^ also the song playing during Kieu My and Fatou’s museum date

I love the little mannerisms Nhungi chooses to show as Kieu My. The happy little bounce she did in ep 1 when she called out Fatou’s name and when she subtly checked Fatou out by looking her up and down.

I love how their rooms show their individual personality so well. Like Fatou’s room in the beginning of the season was normal and then it became increasingly messy as the episodes moved forward, showing her stress and chaos in her life

I love the height difference between Fatou and her brother lol

I love when her brother and her were thinking of what to get their parents so they split the bill on a gift - a very subtle way of showing siblings interacting

I love when Fatou and Ismail interact cuz it’s so funny

I love the physics teachers speaking voice, he sounds like kermit the frog

I love fatou’s eyebrows. Idk it’s just so perfect. Give me tips plz

I love that the characters rewear clothing. And it’s not a show where every episode is a new outfit with new clothes. Very realistic and it always bothered me when teens on highschool on tv have new clothes every episode

I love that Fatou’s original bio on tinder was “wanna cuddle?”. I feel like that girl would rather cuddle with someone than win the lottery. She’s so soft (also why did it say she was 24 in ep 2 when she was on tinder lol)

I love that the show showed the struggles of coming from a bilingual family and being the only one that struggles to speak it. When fatou was talking to her grandparents with her brother and her brother had to translate for her and it was awkward af, I felt that. I’m the youngest in my family and I struggle to speak Tagalog so people have to translate for me sometimes and it sucks.

^^ I relate to fatou so much in that scene cuz the dynamic in my family is the same as Fatou’s. My parents lay off and let me and my brother do our thing unless there’s an indication we need their help. The only time I ever spoke about school with my family was when report cards would come and they would see my grades weren’t that good. I remember my mom seeing I had a D in middle school and automatically jumping to conclusiosn without letting me speak. My brother is academically successful and he would also try and get me to do more school stuff when I was younger. Like he would make me do math problems to help with my grades. So it’s all very relatable for me

I love when Fatou sings, her voice is so soft and smooth.

I love whenever Kieu My and fatou are flirting both so blatantly and yet so subtly. Like the tension is there but it’s still awkward despite how smooth they both try to be it’s so adorable

I love how Fatou and Kieu My are so confident flirting and talking to eachother through texting but when it’s irl it’s still awkward and new. It shows the reality of an actual relationship in the making. It’s not just a full head dive into “I love you”.

I love when they were at the table tennis bar place and Fatou was hyping up Ava when there were dudes looking at them and Ava did a fancy ass turn and smile. She’s so pretty

I love that Fatou’s problems were shown in subtle ways in the beginning with money. Counting money at her job and when she wa trying to pay for the drink at the bar. It was a small interaction but in real life it would cause a lot of stress and anxiety if money counting problems kept happening over and over again

I love Yara and Josh’s friendship. More platonic friendship between a male and a female please. Also more Yara in general please.

I love that Zoe owned up to her actions last year to the entire group (minus Ismail Constantine and Kieu my) on New Years. I see her owning up to the role as Nora’s big sister.

I love when Josh was drinking a lot during New Years and Fatou was trying to get him to slow down. It shows how big her heart is for her friends. Also I think Josh and Fatou could be great friends

I love that Kieu My looks at Fatou like she hung the stars. When Fatou mentioned she knew Kieu My was a Scorpio, it’s the first time I’ve ever seen that girl smiled so big (before episode 5 of course)

I love that whenever they kiss Kieu my is smiling.

I love Sira’s side profile. There I said it. Girl has the jawline of a Greek goddess.

I love that they change Fatou’s hair. She looks good in every hair style but it’s always nice to see her in different styles.

I love that they showed the struggles of being a passive and gentle person. Because we’re not assertive in regular everyday life we are easily looked over. And it’s hard for us to muster the gusto to be assertive and take what we need because we prefer shying away from conflict and just letting things flow. I relate to fatou’s character so much in that sense. I lowkey think this is the universe’s way of telling me to stop being so passive about life and to take charge idk.

I love that the topic of white savior and performative activism was touched on. And I love that it was between two friends because it’s very realistic to how dynamics work between young people these days. The way they handle it differs in opinion but the fact that they even spoke about it was great.

I love that moment when Kieu My wrapped the vietnamese pancake in the lettuce snd handed it to Fatou. Its so sweet. If I was Fatou I would have forgiven her right then and there lol

I LOVE THE HEIGHT DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE TWo. YES MORE HEIGHT DIFFERENCE.

Episode 6. Just all of it. Even the angsty part. I want more of that. Episode 6 yes. I’ll marry episode 6

Kieu My wearing Fatou’s cardigan. 💕💕💕💕💕💕✨✨✨✨✨😫😫💕✨✨🥺

^^ but also as a person that tried bangs before, you can’t tell me that girl woke up with her bangs perfectly in place lol. This girl probably bought a mini straightener or something too

Fatou telling Kieu My it doesn’t matter if she wears make up or not rather than going off on how she looks prettier without it. She’s just like “it doesn’t matter. You’re pretty no matter what, my little space nerd”

Pissed off fatou is a hot fatou. Js

I love Sira’s acting in general. But the way she shows Fatou’s sadness is great. It’s not just tears and that’s it. When she got fired it was a build up of tears but she wasn’t sobbing, same thing with the cashqueens argument. But she broke when her and Kieu My got in a fight.

Finn being socially awkward. It’s so funny cuz Zoe is this bubbly party girl and her boyfriend is so awkward. Nice balance.

^^also his hair makes me laugh idk why

Ismail opening up to Fatou shows how so many people feel at ease with her. Girl has a calming presence for everybody, she doesn’t even realize how much she’s helped others.

I love that Constantine wears the same jacket over and over again. Idk it seems to fit his character.

^^also kudos to the actor who plays him, he’s doing an amazing job

Love Fatou. Love her dimples and her soft voice. She gets all high pitched when she’s normally speaking but when she was fighting with Kieu My her voice became lower. Just love the way Sira’s voice sounds. Also Nhungi’s speaking voice.

Love the shaky camera movements. The fast pans and the slow motion dance scenes.

Love the aesthetic of Kieu My smoking but PLEASE DONT SMOKE, CHILDREN. ITS BAD FOR YOU.

Love the different aesthetics of the cashqueens

Love maike. Great actress. Give this turtle an Oscar.

Love Kieu My climbing the roof to help her Fatou. Softie to her girlfriend but an ice queen to the world lol.

Love the actors. Love the characters. It just makes me so happy.

This is so well written, i might actually cry no but really it was really nice to read your positive and cuteee facts after the tag check :/ and it really helped because i get mad and sad when i see bad takes. Everything you said was so true and i think im fangirling over this essay. And it made me emotional 👉👈.  Represantation does really matter.

This season is so important for so many people and i don’t think some people realize that when they’re ‘’criticizing’’ some things. Not only we have a lesbian main, we have a black lesbian main who is the softest person in the world and she has LD and/or ADHD. I sometimes can’t believe we got to the point of skamverse where we get rep instead of hurtful,problematic seasons and plots, some might interpret that as shade but it really isn’t, careless storylines really does hurt ppl and why would you want to hurt people when you can give 8 min of sapphic museum date instead 👭🌌 :)

i love this season, i love this gen and i love this essay

[yumgrapejuice]

An analysis on Ranboo’s lore playlist

okay y’all first of all, ranboo has a killer taste, i love him, and second, i couldn’t resist. i’m an analyst by nature. am i looking too deep into some things? did ranboo maybe choose some songs purely for the vibe? perhaps. do i care? no. let me have my fun.

I’m gonna drop my own analysis/interpretation based on these songs but feel free do use this yourself if you want!! And also feel free to disagree/correct me on anything!! I’m not a professional musical analyst lol and I did take some inspiration from already existing interpretations for the more lyrical songs.

here’s the playlist btw

“Introduction to the Snow”—introduction to the album. Fitting for the playlist’s beginning, seeing the tone. It’s mostly referencing (self-imposed) isolation.

“Dream Sweet in Sea Major”—this Miracle Music’s whole album is about dreams and reality, how they clash, loneliness and the wish to be close to someone, yet still remaining isolated. Very whimsical, metaphorical, melodic, and it has this vibe as if on the edge of consciousness. I’d say it fits quite well with c!Ranboo’s general vibe. This song in particular deals with sleepwalking(ha)/being in a dreamlike state, the line between what’s real and what’s not blurred.

“The Mind Electric”—oh this one fits Ranboo extremely well. First part is in reverse, the second in normal (mirroring), and it can get quite unsettling. Like you’re not sure what’s happening with the instrumentals, many different voices. Again, very metaphorical, but to put it shortly, the protagonist is being judged for a crime they’ve committed and, in their defence, they say: “Father, your honor, may I explain, my brain has claimed its glory over me; I’ve a good heart albeit insane”. They get “condemned to the infirmary” for that, where electric shock is used on them as a form of “therapy”. As a result, the protagonist loses grip on reality and themselves and truly does go insane. They beg for mercy and sympathy, but there’s no one to help them. “Someone help me; Understand what's going on inside my mind; Doctor I can't tell if I'm not me”—need I say more, really?

“Live and Let Die”—the phrase “live and let die” means to live your life how you wish and let others live how they wish without interfering. At first, you live by the phrase “live and let live”, meaning you have your ideals and you try to change the lives of others according to them, but as life progresses, you stop caring as much/try to distance yourself from others’ business.

“Turn the Lights Off”—dreams and nightmares. Mildly foreboding yet energetic. The actual meaning is about growing up (transition from childhood to adulthood), but we can take some other interpretations that’d fit with Ranboo’s character better. This Tally Hall’s album deals with differences, black and white, and how there shouldn’t be a divide between them. In this song, there are some noteworthy lines that I’d like to mention:

- “Bend the nightmare, you control it; Artful dodger, easy does it”—lucid dreaming, you have to be careful with it so as to not lose control.

- “Shut the closet, get under the covers”—you’re afraid of something and instead of facing it and seeing whether there even is something to be afraid of, you hide.

- “Turn the lights off”—confront your fears. It can also mean that in the dark, there’s no differences between people, going back to the album’s meaning.

- “And everybody wants to get evil tonight; But all good devils masquerade under the light”—this could mean that everyone has a darker part of themselves but those who actually indulge in their dark tendencies do so in plain sight by pretending to be someone else.

“Ruler of Everything”—the main theme here is time and how it’s the “ruler of everything”; time doesn’t matter about where it goes, and it will never stop. The second verse is most interesting to me—there are two singers, man and time, but for the sake of interpretation let’s just see it as two voices. One is obsessed about being liked, fitting in, constantly asking for reaffirmation (“Do you like how I walk? Do you like how I talk?”), while the second criticizes the first (“You practice your mannerisms into the wall”). They argue—”I’ve been you, I know you, your facade is scam; You know you’re making me cry, this is the way that I am”. The second is calling out the first for not being honest to himself. Tone is lighthearted but with an edge of unease.

“Merry-Go-Round of Life”—from Howl’s Moving Castle soundtrack. The title’s self-explanatory, I’d say.

“Killer Queen”—this one’s a harder one to interpret in regards to Ranboo lol. The song is about, based on an interview with Mercury, a high class woman that likes to indulge in her various desires (mostly sexual). I would doubt that’s what Ranboo was going for, so! Perhaps about a person that has no regards for their reputation and instead does whatever they feel like it? They have a certain image but still act however they like. Yeah, not too sure about this one :’) But that’s what I’ll go with for my later analysis.

“Ain’t No Rest for the Wicked”—quite straightforward. A person that performs bad deeds has reasons for them. Not excuses, but explanations, and you can sympathize with it. We all do “bad” things for one reason or the other, and, in the end, we’re all just trying to get by. Once again, plays into the theme of there not being a clear distinction between good and bad.

“The Bidding”—another harder one to interpret. On the surface, it’s about an auction where men are trying to sell themselves to women. They all present themselves in different images, and it’s remarked that the women care less about the date and more about the prospect of it, the pretty words. The date, actually, ends up being disappointing. Could be about expectations. Some men outright admit they’re assholes so whoever chooses them should know that. People can tell you what their intentions are from the start so if you end up hurt, you have no one else to blame but yourself.

“A Mask of My Own Face”—another interesting one! Unusual instruments, strong beat. They’re singing about how they have a desire to pretend to be someone else while secretly still being themselves. “I’d rob my own apartment and I wouldn’t give a damn; I’d blame it on the person that nobody knows I am”—implying they have no regard for their own livelihood and are just out to have some fun. Plus, that no one would be aware it’s all an act. “I'd wear it on Thanksgiving and I'd laugh in the parade; At all the people hissing, knowing I'm the one they hate”—they take delight in the idea of upsetting others and them not knowing it’s actually the singer that they should be hissing. “And at the big finale I would tear my face away; And smile as they grip their own and try to do the same”—everyone wears masks, and this person implies that their mask and their true self is not different from each other while others’ are.

“Stardust Crusaders”—soundtrack from Jojo. Action-packed? idk never seen it sorry lol

“I Can’t Decide”—oh, this one’s a doozy! One of the ones that do not fit c!Ranboo at all, but that’s what makes it interesting. A classic, the singer is out to have fun, very lighthearted and yet they’re singing about murder. The protagonist here is clearly mentally unwell and they’re indecisive whether they should let their enemy/toy/(up to interpretation) live or not. Some curious lines:

- “It’s not easy having yourself a good time”—in the context of the song, that “good time” implies something wicked.

- “I’m not a gangster tonight, don’t wanna be the bad guy, I’m just a loner, baby, and now you’ve got in my way”—they don’t view themselves as “bad”, however, the next two lines are paradoxal—the singer says they’re alone and yet decide to “mess around” with whoever comes up in their life.

- “No wonder why my heart feels dead inside, it’s hard and cold and petrified”—signifying lack of empathy.

- “It’s a bitch convincing people to like you”—they don’t actually want to do that and see it as a bother.

“Stranded Lullaby”—back to Miracle Musical, back to the theme of isolation. Super lyrical, super musical. They talk about how their memories float around aimlessly in their head, a sea, and may sometimes get lost. The protagonist, a sailor, is losing touch with reality and can’t tell apart what’s a dream anymore and what’s not. They question what they’re going through and why.

“Hidden In The Sand”—a song about longing, in my eyes. The protagonist sings about how “you” love things and how he wishes to love the same things, in the end admitting that “all I’ve wanted was you”. They don’t wish to be separated, they wish to have someone in their life that they could love.

“Now I’m Here”—euphoric. They sing about how they’re alive again, thanks to one specific person. I’m not gonna go too much into this one (partly because it’s a more difficult one for me again, partly because it’s Queen and I don’t wanna uhh talk nonsense on accident lol), but what I got from it is that when one one else saw them, someone did, and they made them “live again”, and now as a result the protagonist is devoted to them.

“&”—really highlights Tally Hall’s album’s theme of black and white and that there shouldn’t be a divide. The repetition of comparing opposites is present throughout the entire song (Weak & Strong & Wet & Dry…) and it’s heavily implied we should “say goodnight” to this mindset. But people love to choose sides, put things into good or bad categories. By the line “They took a lesson from their fathers” it’s implied that people don’t develop this mindset by themselves and are rather influenced by others around them. The whole album is titled “Good & Evil” and Tally Hall examines and criticizes this idea. If we keep dividing people into good and bad, eventually, we’ll all destroy ourselves.

“I’m Gonna Win”—a song about someone who’s struggling to get by. “Sometimes it can seem like a merciless dream”—life can get really hard and the protagonist wonders “what’s really worthwhile”. In the chorus, whoever, they declare that they’re “gonna win” no matter what. They might get “bloody and bruised” but they won’t give up until they “won’t be abused” and until they’re “laughing alone”. No matter how hard life/others kick them down, they’ll keep going. By the lines “It’s hard to be charming and smart and disarming; It’s hard to pretend you’re the best; It’s hard to fulfill everyone’s expectations; It’s hard to keep up with the rest” it’s implied that they find it tiresome to keep up appearances and be liked. It’s challenging to always fit everyone’s expectations, but they’ll continue doing whatever they have to to “win”.

if ranboo ever adds more songs to his playlist, i may add them here too :) 

[wings-of-a-storm]

Hi there. I just read Part 1 of your Victor "love triangle" analysis, and I couldn't help but go back and watch episode 9 after reading your thoughts on it, and I noticed the lyrics to the song playing at the end of the episode and how much they relate to what Venji is going through during the back half of S2. I'd love to hear your thoughts on it. The song is Fall by SG Lewis. Looking frward to your Part 2 analysis. :)

Hiiii! Well first of all, a huge thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking the time to read through all that writing <3. (It was a lot.)

As for your observation about the lyrics playing when Victor was on the phone to Benji in the car:

It’s like a direct plug into Victor’s head!

The one thing you can definitely always count on with the Love, Victor production is how well thought-out their soundtrack choices are. (Don’t get me started on choosing 'Time After Time' for ep 10!)

The use of 'Fall' really heightened the emotions of that scene in the car -- it was like a palpable ache fed directly into our synapses. And the lyrics were clearly chosen for a reason. I mean gosh, let’s look at a few of them:

1) ‘You've been guarded, I've been blind / I took for granted the weight you bore’ That truly covers everything from Victor discovering Benji’s hidden struggle with drinking, right through to Victor and Felix’s acknowledgement of the constant worry Benji had been going through this whole time as he watched Victor go through hit after hit (not being accepted by his mother, and all the homophobia at school poisoning his position on the basketball team...).

And yes, like the song, Benji has been very guarded about his tightly held drinking problem. At the time, Victor was so shocked and worried about Benji, he barely had time to process the link between Benji not even being able to tell his own boyfriend about it and the deep shame fueling that level of secrecy. It’s a lot to process, and I can’t really blame Victor for needing to let it off his chest and seek guidance at some point -- just…..not with a stranger who is still within Benji’s realm? Benji needed to have control over that secret and at the very least vet who he judges is safe to know about it. Has Benji even met Rahim? He hasn't had a chance to judge his vibe in person. Victor really wasn't thinking straight because if Benji once begged Victor specifically not to tell anyone at school about his car accident, the same applies for the addiction that caused it...

But as that soundtrack also acknowledges, Victor now seems to understand on some level the error he made and the cost of it. Hindsight is a cruel mistress.

2) ‘You made your mind up, I'm losing mine’ Ugh, so vicious in its perfection of reflecting how shattered Victor was by Benji’s decision to step away and put distance between them while all Victor can do is wait in a maelstrom of heavy thoughts.

3) ‘But can we fall all over again?’ Ah, the crux of that lingering ache throughout the song, so succinctly voicing that yearning to return to the times when things were simpler, when Victor and Benji were so close and in sync, where there were no bad bits and mistakes to be made… Wanting a second chance to do better for each other…

I love their soundtrack choices but I also hate them!!

Thanks for your ask. :)

[skamamoroma]

I am stacking up so many posts about this god damn show that I am going to be posting about for what feels like forever but on rewatches, I just can’t get over the physicality of the way BK plays Teh and how emotionally complex he is.

He’s a delightful, silly, tortured, intense, sensitive, kind, kinda arrogant, complex and emotionally stunted soul and I love him. But what I find so fascinating when I watch him is how his lack of ability to verbalise sometimes comes out in really specific ways that show just how difficult he finds expressing himself:

Sometimes he just rushes half a sentence out to have it said before he realises what he’s doing and then takes ages to finish it... he does it a lot early on with Oh when the stuff he wants to say is tough to explain but he still feels he can try aka “I don’t like when you place me on the same level as the rest of our friends” and “please don’t give my time to someone else”.

Then when it all starts being too much and he can’t verbalise, he sometimes chooses his signature “tutoring” or Chinese. I have a whole post on the use of Chinese and how it’s used in so many beautifully meaningful ways but i don’t think I’ll ever handle Teh using flash cards on the boat to say the words TRUST, CARE and SAD and the way his voice wobbles when he says that last one because he needs Oh to read into it and know he’s choosing those words for a reason

The way he handles himself sometimes when he’s struggling to verbalise or is in an emotional spiral is absolutely mesmerising. He rolls around on the floor, touches his neck, scratches things, smacks himself with his bag, drapes himself on stuff, leans on things and a whole load of other ways to just EXPRESS because he can’t work himself out and just doesn’t know where to put himself. The most perfect example is the entire boat scene... the long drawn out shot of him losing his god damn mind across the seats! So so good

Even when he’s with Oh he’s often much more focused in but their playfulness often comes out of his delightful weirdness. It’s like their blowing on each other and stuttery movement around each other or the way they just do spontaneous stuff just to catch the other off guard or to get a reaction

The thing that makes it ever so sweet though is that Oh-aew finds it charming... and he often just loves to play along. Like on the beach with the hibiscus flowers, Oh giggles and finds the weirdness endearing and on the beach the day after, Teh is so inside his own head and Oh lets him do his thing, let’s him wander around and run and follow and go through his stuff but then knows Teh we’ll enough to be able to briefly pull him out of his head: he tells him to just do what he wants to and gently dismisses Teh’s classic “lets go tutoring” defence.

And then you get a Teh who is calmer, more chilled, more confident and more in the moment for the entire afternoon (even if he does lean on his Chinese lyrics to speak for him on the cliff a little but we can let him off, he did good that day!)

And it’s just so beautiful because didn’t Oh say on the boat that if Teh can’t tell him things then he’ll just have to be more observant and... well, isn’t he? Oh studies him so often and gives him that time and chance to use so many methods to explain himself. The way Oh guides Teh’s hands after their swim/kiss is so gently helpful, guiding him and helping him make sense of what’s happening as Teh does his adorably weird things and resorts to just collapsing against him... it’s Oh who tries to read it all and find a way to ground him

It happens over and over and over in the show in that same way and it just solidifies that their relationship is not only one that means they each provide something the other hugely lacks and they benefit from each other but they’re so accepting of the other and willing to try to decode the other. By the end, Teh being about to “speak first” and being so much more visibly comfortable with himself is just breathtaking to watch. No wonder he cries at the sunset. The relief to not be as trapped inside himself.

And then I cry because of the song on the soundtrack “Can’t Translate” and I only found out the the Thai version of the name of the show: “Translate my love with your heart”. 😭 is there any part of this show that isn’t perfect and a gorgeous extended metaphor?

[4thbrighteststar]

Hiya kiddo! I am late to the game! Give me five weird asks that you wanna answer that you haven't yet. Or answer one you've done with a second answer. I am not picky. Have a wonderful evening mwah <3

hi petal @cringeycal my love. thank you for letting me choose these, I found so many questions I didn't even know were on the list

28. five songs to describe you?

to know me is to know wake up from julie and the phantoms. that song is a lifeline for me and chances are that if you've been my friend for longer than a year, you have heard me sing it. I wrote a play heavily influenced by daylight by taylor swift, so that's number two. take on the world - the girl meets world theme song - never fails to get me hyped. break down the walls from austin and ally was the soundtrack to my childhood, and forbidden friendship from the httyd ost is the reason I play music. these didn't really describe me but they tell you a Lot about me so I'm going to say that's fine.

30. places that you find sacred?

there's a little playground about three blocks away from my house with a swing which I call my therapy swing, where I go to clear my head or process things - that's one of my close-to-home ones. away from home - I grew up about an hour and a half away from the rocky mountains, and my elementary/junior high school took us to the same mountain multiple times every year. we would hike up about a third of the trail and then go off the trail to an outcropping on the side of the mountain, have lunch and journal, and then come back down. I found it on my own again last year! I don't get to see it very often but it's magical every time I do.

49. what saying or quote do you live by?

"A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams." - John Barrymore. I don't even know who john is - the reason this quote is special to me is because my first high school band teacher gave it to me. It was part of one of those quote-a-day advent calendars, and she was throwing most of them away, but she read that one, looked me up and down, and said "yeah, this one suits you." I felt like THE main character. I still have the calendar note hung up on my bulletin board.

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

1. biggest depressive episode of my life during quarantine. 2. telling my south asian science-degree parents I wanted to go into theatre. 3. learning how to love science again after I was mildly traumatized by academia.

93. nicknames?

I love nicknames! as you probably knew lmao. my favourite nickname for myself is moni, which is a pet name in my mother tongue and the tail end of my first name with an -i instead of an -a. my favourite nickname I've given someone else is sunrise, which is like sunshine but way more powerful because it's 1. a reference to a piece of art we created together and 2. a symbol of my faith in that person's ability to get back up again after he's knocked down. also shout out to the nickname petal. some of my best work honestly.

[thegrimzuera]

1 + 4 for the ask game? I'm always down to hear more about Autumn! 😁❤️🧡

Ahhh you are the sweetest 💛 thank you!

Spoilers for my Kiribaku (Bakugou centric) fanfic In the Roaring Autumn are below the cut. If you haven’t read it yet, click the link to the story and take a gander! These answers are in response to this fanfic ask meme I reblogged yesterday.

1. If you had to create a soundtrack for your story, what songs would you choose? Why?

This is such a great question, and I’m going to interpret it more as songs that remind me of my story and the characters than as if I were constructing a film with background music.

The Lakes - Taylor Swift

This song is one I heard well into the writing process of In the Roaring Autumn, but it was one of those situations where I felt like my brain had been hacked and the guts of my story were spilled out in this gorgeous, cottagecore-esque song. The idea of running away into nature—away from society and the eyes that are always watching a little too closely—is so true to Katsuki’s desires in the story.

Lines like “I’m not cut out for all these cynical clones/ these hunters with cell phones” and “what should be over burrowed under my skin in heart-stopping waves of hurt/ I’ve come too far to watch some name-dropping sleaze tell me what are my words worth” stand out to me in particular. They really speak to Katsuki’s struggle to let go of his own past and all the devastation and guilt he feels because of it, and also the ways in which other people in his life (primarily Midoriya in this case) have tried to tell Katsuki what he meant with his own actions and what he must do in order to redeem himself.

And of course the fact that the narrator of the song isn’t escaping alone. They’re going to the lakes to look over cliff sides and be with the only person they trust—the only person who can understand the ways which they’ve been cast out. One might even say Kirishima is the “red rose” that “grew up from ice frozen ground.” Katsuki is escaping the bounds of society, but as the song says in its final line, not without his muse—not without Kirishima.

I Was an Island - Allison Weiss

I have no idea whether anyone else in the world knows this song or not (it could be a beloved classic or a complete unknown for all I know), but in my opinion it is THE quintessential Kiribaku song, and therefore it must be included. I have a feeling that it works in most any universe that includes Kiribaku, even (and especially) canon. But, I think of it particularly in regards to the last third or so of the story where Katsuki begins to pull back out of fear, deciding it’s better to avoid Kirishima altogether than to tell the truth about his struggles. The song deals with a lot of the same things Katsuki is going through—this idea that he was a loner and he liked it that way, and then Kirishima came along and changed all of that.

I imagine that Katsuki would particularly resonate with lines like “I was a fighter and I was so brave/ but I lowered my sword when you held me and swore you’d stay stay stay” “I was a wolf dear/ apart from the pack/ but you heard my cry in the dead of the night and told me that you had my back” and “I’m no good on my own anymore/ what did I do to deserve this/ what did you do to me/ baby come back, you know I don’t wanna be free”.

Medicine - Daughter

This song is so heavy and angsty and I love it for Autumn. I imagine that it could be from either/both Katsuki and Eijirou’s perspectives and they try to help each other out of unhealthy coping mechanisms and numbness. It’s all about how they both see each other’s worth and wish to communicate that. It’s about encouraging the best in each other, encouraging accountability, but also saying “hey, if you mess up once in a while, that doesn’t change who you are and what you’re capable of”. The opening line starts it off right for me “Pick it up/ Pick it all up/ And start again./ You’ve got a second chance/ You could go home/ Escape it all, it’s just irrelevant.”

Don’t mistake my brevity for lack of love for this song. I just thing the song really speaks for itself. If somehow you haven’t heard it in the blessed year of 2021, please go listen now! It’s one of my favorites.

That’s enough songs I suppose 😅 considering I rambled so much.

4. What are your main character(s) motivations? What do you consider their main drivers?

This question actually made me pause! I think because it’s been a while since Autumn ended and I want to get it right. At the time of writing I was very connected to Katsuki as a character, so while I didn’t necessarily ever put this into words, I definitely knew his motivation. I’ll start with him and try to put myself back in his shoes for a moment.

Katsuki’s motivation more than anything else, I think, is to feel safe. There may have been a time when he wanted to be the best, but we come into his life at a point where he’s kind of thrown his hands up and said “Fuck that bullshit!” It’s something that Katsuki realizes is out of character for himself—so out of character that he no longer knows how to function. He’s living his life on the run in a way, choosing isolation as a means of protecting himself from things that he sees as threats to his well-being: consequences, human relationships, the wrestling team as a whole, and the concept of processing his trauma. We see him build wall after wall throughout the story, but we also see Kirishima peeling those walls away brick by brick. Soon enough Katsuki stops looking at Kirishima as a threat to his safety, and he begins to see him as a help to his safety. It’s a beautiful change, but through it all Katsuki’s motivation stays the same. I would say even with the lessons that Katsuki learns and the ways he grows, the moral is never that he was wrong for prioritizing his mental health and well-being. That was very important to me.

Kirishima’s motivation is a little more difficult for me to pin down (haha, wrestling puns), especially in hindsight. I think I’m looking for some sort of deep or abstract answer when in reality, the thing driving Kiri is the desire to be good. He’s made some poor choices in the past, and they were choices he knew were poor even when acting them out. It’s something that weighs heavily on him—something that has altered the way that he lives his life in a very permanent sense. Kirishima wants to do the right thing; it’s the reason he’s so willing to examine Midoriya’s actions and motives when (as Katsuki mentions) everyone else sees Midoriya’s gentle demeanor and assumes the best in him. It’s also the reason that Kirishima emphasizes Katsuki’s own goodness to him. Kirishima knows what it’s like to feel less than, or to feel that you’ve fucked up so supremely that you have no honor at all. Not only does he want to prevent Katsuki from feeling those things, he actually views Katsuki as the morally superior between the two of them and looks to Katsuki as an example of authenticity, honesty, heart, and goodness.

Thank you for sending in these lovely questions! It was so fun to recall where my brain was at the time of writing this story and in some ways examining it from a deeper perspective. I really need to dedicate more time to writing my upcoming fic because CLEARLY I have the urge to spill a lot of words into the universe right now.

[p5youllneverseeitcoming]

Persona 5 Strikers/Scramble

So! I finished the story of Persona 5 Strikers and I wanted to share my thoughts as I have soooo much to say but cannot share with my friends due to spoilers :’) I am currently playing on a New Game+ as, ya girl wants the Platinum Trophy :o

I will talk about some of the things that I really liked here (Spoiler free don’t worry) AND include spoilery things under the cut so I won’t ruin the experience for anyone else!

The Plot

Obviously this takes place after the original Persona 5 story finishes and as opposed to a whole year, you just get 1 month with the Phantom Thieves. I really liked exploring all the cities you travel to and the character interactions were so cute!! I really like the two new characters introduced (Sophia and Zenkichi Hasegawa). Both of them fit the story so well and their interactions with the other Thieves are honestly so good and pure! Also?? Their outfits? Amazing T_T It was such a nice change seeing everyone in casual outfits as opposed to their school uniforms!

I also loved the fact that you could choose to play with characters that get introduced late game like Haru for example straight away. I for one, always have her in my party as soon as she’s available so having her for the whole game was like a dream come true haha. I’ll talk about Sophia and Zenkichi a bit more under the cut but I will say that it’s so fun to play as them! I personally prefer Sophia more as she has healing skills which are always really useful and she uses yo-yo’s for her weapons which are so fun to use. Zenkichi uses a great sword which is very Final Fantasy of him and I am loving it. I love their Phantom Thief outfits! Sophia looks super cute in her floofy coat and boots and Zenkichi just looks so cool! His hat is goals, I want one T_T

The anime cutscenes in the game are also... Omg... I just can’t help but fangirl over how everyone looks... ESPECIALLY SOPHIA OML, she’s so... Bby... And of course, the dialogue options you can choose are so funny, then again what else can you expect from a game that had the option to say “you jelly?” to Ryuji.

I won’t spoil the main plot but this game works similarly to Persona 5 in the sense of, you still go into dungeons but these ones are a lot shorter and when you leave the dungeon, the days don’t actually move forward, only specific story points advance the days. So essentially if you wished, you can stay and grind for as long as you like!

The Gameplay

I won’t lie, as expected from a hack-and-slash it gets quite chaotic at first if you don’t fully know what’s going on but you get used to it pretty quickly! The game gives you tutorials whenever anything new appears and you get the hang of it pretty well by the first dungeon. You still only have 4 characters in your party and Akira must always be present but here you can actually run around as the other party members when the battles are over! Also? Morgana gets comical sound effects when he does things like jumping and running and I was LIVING for it.

The other thing that changed is, obviously it’s not turn based so if you were like me and wore the SP restoring accessories to get 7SP back each turn, you’re in for a last surprise! In this game you actually use your items quite a lot as there isn’t a limit to how much you can use as you access them mid battle by pausing. Later on you get specific skills that restore your SP after each battle or by performing All Out Attacks and 1 More’s so honestly, SP isn’t really a problem for regular battles. I mainly found it running out quickly when I was fighting some of the optional bosses but I always had SP restoring items so it was all good hehe.

You still do things like All Out Attacks and 1 More’s in this game but you also do something called ‘Showtime’ which is very similar to the ones introduced in Royal only in Strikers it’s for one character, you basically build up the showtime gauge as you battle enemies and, once activated, you deal significant damage to stronger enemies like bosses as well as all of the enemies in the area. The All Out Attacks also have their own little animation with your party posing and just looking really good!

Yusuke being so extra is honestly such a mood omg... Also Mona T_T So smol.

Every party member has their own special quirks such as Ann and Makoto applying Fire and Nuclear affinity respectively to their regular weapons, Morgana turning into the Mona car and so on. I personally always had Haru and Yusuke in my party and kept switching between the other Thieves to see what I like best. Personally, I really like having Morgana or Sophia as they’re really good healers, Morgana obviously having the more powerful skills such as Mediaharan and Salvation.

Also... The menus... Omg... If you thought the Persona 5 menu was stylish then you will LOVE the Strikers menus. They’re so stylish! And I love that all the Phantom Thieves are there too, it’s so cute T_T

The only thing I don’t like is the game doesn’t pause when your controller dies so uh... I may or may not have died during a boss battle when I was like 2 hits away from winning and then just... Stopped moving letting the boss hit me with a killing combo :)

To be honest though the party that I had pretty much all the time was:

But as I said, I liked to change Morgana and Sophia around every now and then.

The Music

Omg the music. Atlus really just said: Hey what if we made Persona 5 music again but like... More epic?

The song that plays right as soon as you have control of Joker is SO. GOOD. I legit had to pause for like 5 mins just to jam out. I don’t think it will come as much of a surprise but in my opinion, Persona 5 definitely has one of the best video game soundtracks, I absolutely love all the songs!

I will discuss some of the dungeon themes in the spoilers but I absolutely love the soundtrack for this game. Every dungeon theme is so fitting for said dungeon, I genuinely listen to them all the time, especially when doing my research for my essays!

The battle music is really energetic as opposed to the jazzy feel from the original Persona 5 soundtrack but it’s very fitting for the actual battle as you often fly all around the area instead of standing in one spot. I will say, Last Surprise made an excellent comeback despite being an already amazing song which is just, amazing, incredible, fantastic...

Other things

Well, I can’t go into detail due to spoilers but they deadass put a JoJo reference as well as a character in the game :’) The moment I saw them I was fangirling so hard!!! Also? The villain designs in this game??? Amazing. Beautiful. Very creative!

The Phantom Thieves interacting with each other is also really cute! I ESPECIALLY liked the fact that Morgana and Ryuji got along a lot better! They still had small fights here and there but they pretty much apologised to one another straight away which I really liked! Also? Ryuji protecting his friends, especially the girls? Amazing. Wonderful. Cannot help but stan.

Well, that concludes the non-spoiler section which.... Is kinda long haha, Below the cut I will talk about the spoilery things so I advise looking at it AFTER you finish the game!

The Plot

The plot of this game is really fun if you ask me. You travel around Japan defeating Monarchs in Jails AND you get to experience the joys of summer vacation with your friends and your new Persona dad. I really like the fact that you don’t advance time when you leave the Jails because this gives you the chance to grind as much as you want before tackling harder fights like some of the optional bosses. The boss designs themselves were so good! Especially Alice?! My God? She’s beautiful?? Look at her!

Persona 5 Strikers said you can be horny on main... Just this once o_o. She literally steps on Joker in the Jail which o_o Ma’am... Plz but she ALSO steps on her manager in the real world.

I really liked all the bosses in this game because they felt so... Real? Obviously I don’t agree with them for brainwashing people into worshipping them, but I really like how the game gave them backstories that showed why they strayed away from the right path. The fact that the Thieves tell them that they understand their struggles because they themselves went through the same thing (Like Ann and Yusuke) honestly made me appreciate the story that much more. I really liked Haru’s little arc in Sapporo because not only did she help Mariko Hyodo and show her that despite mistakes you can always stand up and start again, but she also got to have more screentime, like that cute fountain scene she has with Akira! ALSO? The Hee-Horde?! I was laughing for a solid 5 minutes when I saw it! It was so cute how Haru, Sophia, Ryuji and Yusuke were so into it while Futaba was just there like: ????

I think my favourite Jail out of all of them will definitely have to be the Kyoto one, a.k.a. the Jail controlled by Zenkichi’s daughter, Akane. Despite how short it is, you can learn so much about her. The overall aesthetic of the jail shows her love to the Phantom Thieves and in the actual Jail theme you can hear fragments of ‘Life Will Change’ and ‘Wake Up, Get Up, Get Out There’ which I think is absolutely amazing! The boss fight for this jail honestly took me 3 tries to beat as the first time, I died due to not fully getting how Shadow Joker worked, and the second time, I was about 2 hits from beating him but then... My controller died :’) By the time it turned back on I was already c-c-c-c-comboed to death so :’) This is also the jail where Zenkichi awakens to his Persona and honestly? I found the little segment where he has to sneak around in his usual everyday attire so cute, bless him, he really did adopt 7 teenagers, their cat and an AI daughter.

ALSO?! They deadass put Dio in this game? Like when I first saw Natsume’s shadow I was like: Hm looks kinda familiar...

BUT THEN?!

Needless to say I was fangirling pretty hard.

I liked Akira Konoe, very much vibing with his Power Ranger aesthetic however, I have to say, his boss fights was surprisingly... Easy? At least it felt easy to me which was kind of... Disappointing I suppose for him supposedly being “the final boss” HOWEVER, I very much liked how his calling card was delivered, and the fact that Zenkichi could finally get his revenge was very satisfying! 

Now, let’s talk about the end game, mainly the Abyss Jail.  I did NOT see it coming (haha) that it was Ichinose all along! As I’m currently replaying the game, the fact that she doesn’t want to look at Sophia despite specialising in AI technology should have been my first clue that something is not quite right here! 

When she forces Sophia to attack the Thieves, it honestly broke my heart. The fact that she recognised Joker and Skull... And she threw herself off the ledge just so she can’t hurt them anymore... Yo, I love her so much T_T That’s why her awakening to her Persona (her true Persona) was such a satisfying scene! Her Persona (Pandora) has a really cool design, I especially like the fact that she represents the Hope Arcana (as there was hope left at the bottom of Pandora’s box) and that Pandora herself kept the box-y design from her original “Persona” Pithos. I found it quite funny that all the skills Pithos has ended with a “?”. Anyway, the scene where she tells Ichinose all the things she learnt, and that Ichinose herself has a heart despite believing that she doesn’t for so long was so touching. It showed that Sophia deeply cares for her, despite the fact that she literally said she’s the reason so many people are getting mind controlled by EMMA. The ending scene with the two of them laughing and holding hands... My heart T_T

Now then, let’s talk about EMMA.

I. Loved. The. Final. Boss. Fight.

The fact that the game makes you use ALL the characters for the final fight! As I usually switched out characters here and there, my reserve party members weren’t severely under-levelled which made the fight pretty okay! I had quite... Strange groups I would say as I had Makoto and Zenkichi being a team, Morgana, Ann and Ryuji being a team, and Akira, Haru, Yusuke and Sophia being the final team. The final boss itself, has an absolutely beautiful design. I especially loved the angel like wings because it really showed that EMMA saw herself as a saviour. The cutscene that plays after with all the Thieves dealing the final blows before watching all the desires fall around them was honestly so pretty... Man, this game series is just so aesthetic!

When the credits rolled and all the photos started appearing I couldn’t help but start crying. It really felt like you were actually there, living through all the memories and the fact that Sophia called the photo of all of them together “Treasure”... T_T

The Gameplay

I already pretty much said all I wanted for the gameplay in the non-spoiler section but I will say, the Showtimes and the Master Skills each character learns are so good! I love that once you master all of them you’re bascially unstoppable, I especially love Haru’s and Akira’s as it allows them to deal damage even if they’re a safe distance away from the enemy. The fact that you can learn Bond skills that restore SP with every All Out Attack and One More is honestly so helpful because it saves you going back and forth between the real world but then again, by this point you probably have way too many HP and SP restoring items!

I really liked that Zenkichi has no weaknesses and uses Almighty damage but I find the whole Fury/HP consumption combination a bit weird. After a while you get used to it and obviously you don’t have to activate fury at all but as I said before, I prefer playing as Sophia. Although, I will say that gun wise, I think Zenkichi’s are a lot more fun to use than Sophia’s blasters, but then again that’s just my personal opinion!

The Music

As I said, the music was so fitting for each Jail, I absolutely love it.

The first Jail, you honestly can’t help but bop your head to the beat. It really gives you the impression that you’re in some kind of twisted theme park which really fit the overall aesthetic of the Jail. I loved the vibrant neon colour scheme in such a dark looking place.

The Okinawa Jail... My God that theme was so good. I can’t really explain it but the song really made you feel like you were... Alone, like the place was truly abandoned and forgotten. As soon as the violin started playing I couldn’t help but just stop and listen to it. The overall jail was just so... Creepy. The Shadows there resemebled the shadows you would usually find in the previous Persona games, just this black mass slithering around. I think it was very fitting that they put the Reaper in this Jail. 

As I mentioned before, the Kyoto Jail theme is my absolute favourite. The fact that it has elements of other Persona 5 songs due to Akane being a big Phantom Thieves fan was such a good choice! I love how when you take a closer look, you can see the Phantom Thieves logo on the lanterns and the fact that Shadow Akane herself made a Phantom Thief outfit for herself... Big mood. I loved how all the Thieves encouraged her to try and get along with her dad better AND that they taught Zenkichi how to cook just so he can make curry for her, especially when you remember just how much curry means to someone like Futaba. 

I really liked the remix of Rivers in a Desert, then again what did I expect from a Persona game? The battle music is ALWAYS amazing. I really liked how this played when you fight Konoe as it parallels when you fight Shido in the original, supposedly the final fight, only to find out that there is something MUCH bigger than them.

Other things

This post is already way too long and if you read all of this... Thank you so much. Sadly, I cannot share this with any of my friends as it’s spoilers so I hope you guys don’t mind me sharing this here! I would love to see your opinion of this game!!!

Also? Yusuke and Akira are now canonically dating and I think that’s beautiful

And then that scene later on

Why do you think we came here with Yusuke, Morgana?

TL;DR: I love this game