#chomp chomp shizun

[unreliable-narratoe]

[pr0cyon-lotor]

Au where Shen Yuan is a dragon with a giant cavern full of books and plays. It's enchanted and stuff so the cavern moves and shifts so it brings you to a section of the library with what you need/want. He occasionally lets people enter to read his books, but you aren't allowed to take them out no matter what. You are sometimes allowed to copy the information on your own scroll or book, but you need permission first.

He gets visited by Wu Yanzi and a young Shen Jiu. Wu Yanzi is looking for demonic cultivation manuals because Shen Yuan has almost one of each manual, encyclopedia, etc ever written.

He pays no mind since he doesn't really care if malicious people come in or not. He does passively keep an ear out just in case.

Wu Yanzi finds a cultivation manual that has everything he needed and could be sold for a lot of money since it was extremely rare and in pristine condition. He tries to sneak it into his bag, and the dragon just eats him. No warning. No heads up. No trumpets or fanfare. No foreboding messages to return the book. Just chomp.

Shen Jiu is taken aback because did his teacher just get eaten? JUST LIKE THAT?!

The dragon nudges the stolen book back into the shelf and looks at Shen Jiu. Shen Jiu is convinced he's going to die there. Except he doesn't get eaten or harmed. He gets gingerly picked up by the back of his robes and taken to the spiritual cultivation section of the library.

Shen Jiu gets plopped onto the floor and the dragon nudges a few beginner and cleansing cultivation manual to fall from the shelf for him and then promptly crawls back to its den.

Shen Jiu, who is instilled with the undescribable urge to scream "what the FUCK?!", instead sits down and starts reading and practicing because honest to god are you going to disobey a dragon that absolutely towers over you?

So when he's satisfied with his cultivation progress, he finally gets ready to leave. The dragon comes back only to put the books away from the shelves that were too far up for Shen Jiu to reach.

Shen Jiu thanks the dragon, which only gets him a huff in response, and because he hates to be in someone's debt (even if that someone is a dragon hundred of years his senior) he says he'll return with books to fill more shelves. He leaves soon after.

He manages to get the Qing Jing Peak Lord's attention during the Immortal Alliance Conference, which was his intention. He gets in a little late but his cultivation is practically caught up. He easily ranks up to head disciple.

During his time in Cang Qiong Shen Jiu jots down everything he learns. He writes down music he composes, discoveries he makes, talisman and array designs he creates, even poems he has written. His Shizun insists that he adds them to the Qing Jing library, and he does but he leaves polished copies of his work and excludes the very important parts.

Eventually when he's peak lord, he goes on an expedition by himself with the scrolls and books he's filled through the years. He finds the dragon's cavern and finally meets it after so long. He presents his life's work to the dragon, practically bearing his heart to it.

The dragon looks at him curiously and transforms into a human form. Shen Jiu watches as the dragon takes the bag from his hands and pulls out the first book, which had all the songs he made for the jiejies in the Warm Red Pavilion to preform.

The dragon say down and invited Shen Jiu to join him. He does and the dragon continues to go through everything while asking him questions about something he wrote or created. Sometimes they get off task and start talking about something else and both appreciate being able to talk to someone that understands classics or is good at debating.

By the time Shen Yuan finally finishes with everything Shen Jiu gave him, they have surprisingly clicked very well. Shen Yuan tells him he's going to make a section in his library for all his works, so he can bring more if he wished because Shen Yuan thought he was a genius that was just starting to shine.

Shen Jiu agrees to continue giving Shen Yuan his work if only to have an excuse to return. And that's how it became tradition that every once in a while the Qing Jing Peak Lord will go off the mountain with a stack of books for days on end and return to none of them.

Sometimes he would even have a strange man come to his peak. If the man visited, that meant Shen Qingqiu was going to be in a good mood, so obviously the kids always told him to stay or come back soon.

And also just as obviously, this is incredibly suspicious to the other peak lords. Cue Liu Qingge and Qi Qingqi pestering Shen Qingqiu and demanding to know what is the meaning of this. Also cue Shen Yuan misunderstanding and getting jealous and then realizing he has feelings for Shen Jiu (after a solid month(s) of denial).

So the next course of action is to keep Shen Jiu from Liu Qingge and Qi Qingqi because they're threats to Shen Yuan's time alone with Shen Jiu. Also he doesn't trust how Shen Jiu covers his face with his fan when they talk to him. Shen Jiu also covers his face when they both talk, so obviously that must mean something and he doesn't like it.

Isn't dragon jealousy great?

Eventually the peak lords find out about Shen Yuan and it was definitely a whole ordeal. Shen Yuan maybe threatened to burn Cang Qiong to the ground at some point, but the threat didn't go through so did it really happen?

Shen Jiu definitely knows about Shen Yuan's feelings for him and is absolutely fucking smug about it. Like who wouldn't want a highly intelligent dragon with a library that is any scholar's wet dream that INSTANTLY becomes a begging puppy when he wants your attention.

As far as Shen Jiu is concerned, he's winning at life.

[coffeesleep-ooc]

This is going to be a bit fucked up but hear me out

CW: im talking about cannibalism and related stuff here

so i was mindlessly scrolling thru tumblr and saw art of moshang looking at bingqiu being all smoochy and MBJ chomping SQH’s cheek

and suddenly thought, what if eating each other was part of demonic lore like hitting your crush is?

So I remember part of some indigenous history, and how in Latin America until recently most books were saying that indigenous ppl were cannibals before the colonization, but the actual thing wasn’t that indigenous ppl ate each other but more like, if they were enemies and one of them was defeated, it was a belief that eating that warrior’s heart would make you absorb the beat qualities of said warrior (which to me is still eating someone but with a whole different context ig?)

So my thought process went from aww cute moshang, to, what if demons complimented each other with biting? Like, in the: you are so strong, so capable, so good that i’d like to eat you? To integrate you with my own being????

we all know that LBH originally was biting SQQ like there was no tomorrow until SQQ taught him not to bite, but what if that was hiw own way of saying ‘i admire Shizun the most, you are the person i’d like to absorb into myself to always be with you. To have the strengths you have is to be complete, superior, etc etc�� ???? like MBJ hitting SQH was a way of saying he would be a strong partner, LBH biting SQQ could be directing him the top praise he could think of in demonic terms

also, lore wise, demons that fought and defeat strong opponents could symbolically (and literally) consume their strength to enhance themselves and honor the life the other demon/warrior lived…

and for demons that ate human flesh???

well, that could still be them disregarding humans because they never fought and defeated them, human flesh would be distasteful to consume for stronger demons and a sign of weakness!

now, im not saying that eating each other would be commonplace or anything, just that it could become a highly regarded ritual

and a tease-chomp that leaves marks would make other demons know how highly regarded one is to their partner or even family-clan

now im imagining a feiend demon of SQQ asking him if he could bite him and SQQ being in shock (TM) while LBH is between smug and jealous bc NOBODY TOUCHES SHIZUN! Same with SQH honestly

SQQ n SQH: why our husbands like to bite so much 😭😭😭

demons: wow, the consorts of Emperor Luo and Mobei-Jun are truly treasured!!!

also, i think LBH would be regarded as a truly strong and altive leader bc he refuses to do said ritual (maybe abyss ptsd? Maybe his human sensibilities??) but when he gets together with SQQ and bites him like there’s no tomorrow his subjects end up appeased in that regard despite their leader marrying and giving the honor of the bite to a human jejeje

also just…worshipping someone in such a bloody and messy way is hmmm, interesting to some parts of me

maybe I’ll put this in one of my fics idk…maybe the abo one since bites are a thing there too…? Idk but wanted to get this out of my head into the wild jaja

[lurkinginnernarrator]

YOUR WORDS ARE MAKING SWEET, SWEET LOVE TO ME RN.

OKAY, like YES chronically ill celestial beauty I CAN SEE IT SO CLEAR : wait WHAT if the reason he gets poisoned is the same as canon! Shen Yuan's Shizun had given him some errands or he was using Qing Jing's library or something, but he saves Luo Binghe from bullying, Ming Fan and co wanting to please Shen Yuan so so badly lay off on the bullying—cut to after Shen Yuan wins, maybe Binghe is picking up Shen Yuan's veil?

Anyway, Shen Yuan sees kneeling little white lotus Binghe holding his veil with Elder Sky Hammer barreling down on him, and can't help but take the blow. (His beast mount total chomps that trash to pieces afterwards)

He gets poisoned, everyone is upset etc,.

Cut to Qian Cao, they ARE SUFFERING. First of all, how can they work with literal sleeping beauty in their midst???

And then the unconscious Shen Yuan's numerous "visitors" that they have to beat away like fleas. Because Shen-shidi is not able to take visitors ! Go away !!

(They still end up finding people and gifts in Shen Yuan's room. It looks like a shrine.)

Liu Mingyan is the only one allowed in lmao.

Moving on, Shen Yuan is trying to live his life, but he'll just be doing errands around the peaks and it takes him HOURS. He gets stopped so many times just for people to say something like

🥺👉👈 "Shen-shidi exhibited such virtue and grace in saving Liu-Shixiong! Shen-shidi's moral character is truly peerless....and the way you defeated that demon! w-would Shen-shidi show this one that one move you did sometime..?.."

Not to mention all the times someone will just run up and shove a gift into his arms and s p r i n t away, Shen Yuan doesn't know where to put all it! If he ate all the sweets, cultivator or not, they'd have to roll him down the mountain...

Maybe sometimes him and Liu Mingyan go nighthunting and the villages SWEAR they were visited by divine nymphs or something

The first few times they did Cang Qiong actually got missives about heavenly beings walking among the commons and sent some disciples to investigate.. they wised up eventually and just stopped answering such letters if they knew the two had been in the area recently.

i am so fucking DOWN for the Devastating Beauty shen yuan headcanon

imagine he gets transmigrated as an Original Character (no System maybe or just a System thats less restrictive bc hes an OC) and he just cant understand why everyone and their mother are scrambling to get their hands on him (hes a once in a lifetime celestial-level beauty). then he gets picked up by Cang Qiong's Beast Peak Lord because of the rumors that he isnt human but is instead some kind of mystical creature ?

he spends most of his time worrying that the protagonist would murk him for being a man in his universe so he tries his best to be as much of a background character as possible. his peak lord insists on him wearing a veil a la liu mingyan and shen yuan is like THATS GENIUS.

idk where i was going with this but yes devastating beauty shen yuan. i want more of it thank u

[silverfootstepswrites]

Butterfly [34]

summary Bright days

“Where’s Uchiha?” asked Kiba, settling on the sofa. He leaned forward to open up a bag of potato chips. The crinkling drew Akamaru’s attention. He wandered over, tail wagging. 

“Just one,” Kiba warned before he fed Akamaru a chip. LIke he wasn’t going to keep feeding him throughout the night. And Akamaru seemed to know this as he chomped it down. 

“Said he had some family matters, I think,” Sakura replied, checking her phone. She nudged Shikamaru with her foot. He grunted in response. 

“Man, I can’t believe it’s November already. And it’s still so hot,” sighed Sakura. She fanned herself with her hand. Holding a chip in his mouth, Kiba swiped the remote off the coffee table. He reached it back to turn on the air conditioner. Popping open a beer, he handed it off to her. 

“Actually, it’s almost December,” Kiba pointed out once he finished eating his potato chip. 

Shikamaru grunted again, rolling onto his front. A throw pillow hugged to his chest. 

“What’s up with you?” asked Sakura, tapping Shikamaru’s back. He groaned into the floor, ignoring her. 

Sakura glanced up at Kiba who only rolled his eyes. 

“Nara’s bummed that it’s almost Christmas and he has no girlfriend,” Kiba sang the last two words. 

“Die, Inuzuka,” Shikamaru growled. 

Sakura leaned over, resting her arms on Shikamaru’s back. 

“Aw, cheer up, Nara. We’ll celebrate Christmas together this year. American-style. We’ll throw a big party,” Sakura suggested. She patted his back a few times, rocking them back and forth. And then she paused.

“Does that make you feel better?” she asked.

“No,” he replied. 

Scowling, Sakura slapped both her hands down on his back. 

“Was he always like this?” Sakura queried, looking up at Kiba. 

At this, Kiba leered. The way he only did when he was about to embarrass the hell out of somebody. He took a sip of his beer before he pointed at Shikamaru. 

“When we were kids, we were all single. So Christmas was, like, whatever. But then we moved away. And we both had people. While our poor little Nara-kun was all by himself,” Kiba declared. 

Sakura nodded as she considered this. And then she froze. At the same time, Shikamaru sat up. He looked at Kiba’s smug expression. And then looked at Sakura. Something passed between them. 

“Wait,” Sakura said.

“You had someone?” Shikamaru demanded. 

Kiba laughed. He scratched his ear, eyes suddenly shifty. 

“Well, for a little while. We weren’t that serious,” he mumbled. Shikamaru held out his hand, making a grabbing motion. 

“Dude,” sighed Kiba. 

Shikamaru made the grabbing motion again. 

Kiba bent his head over his phone for several seconds. And then he held it out. Shikamaru snatched it out of his hand before he could change his mind. He and Sakura huddled together, studying the photo. 

It was a selfie of Kiba with a very pretty girl with straight brown hair. She wore a fluttery white and pink sundress, a homemade bento held on her lap. One of her arms was linked through Kiba’s. 

Sakura’s eyes narrowed. She questioned, “She broke up with you?”

And then, as she scrutinized his expression, she gasped. “You broke up with her?” 

“Why?” Shikamaru almost interrogated him. As if in disbelief that someone would break up with such an attractive girl. 

Kiba grimaced. When Akamaru nudged his hand, he fished another chip out of the bag and fed it to him. 

“Well... she was obsessed with cats,” Kiba confessed. 

Sakura’s jaw dropped. 

Shikamaru pointed at Akamaru. Kiba followed Shikamaru’s finger. And then started. Kiba rubbed the top of Akamaru’s head. 

“Oh. Dude. C’mon. Akamaru’s awesome,” Kiba protested. Shikamaru rolled his eyes. 

“Well, yeah. We know that Akamaru is great. But you’re obsessed with dogs! So what’s wrong with liking cats?” asked Sakura. 

“They’re all...” Kiba mimed claws with his hands and made a hissing noise. 

“Dude. What do you do when people bring cats to you? You’re a vet,” Shikamaru questioned. Kiba shrugged. 

“I’ll treat them. But I don’t have to like them. It’s like, what do you do when you have an ugly student? You don’t like them, but you still teach them,” Kiba responded.

Sakura gasped, hands flying to her mouth. Shikamaru’s eyes widened. 

“Inuzuka, you can’t say that!” Sakura scolded him.

“Why not? There are good-looking kids. There are ugly kids. Tell me I’m wrong!” retorted Kiba. Shikamaru turned his head to the side, shoulders almost touching his ears. 

“Stop talking,” Sakura said. 

“I’m just saying that you can’t drop-kick the ugly ones, right? You have to deal with them all the same,” he went on. 

“Stop talking. Stop talking,” Sakura said over and over again, clapping her hands over her ears. Shikamaru covered his face with his hands, shoulders shaking as he laughed. 

“What? You’re telling me you’ve never seen an ugly kid before?” Kiba demanded. Sakura began giggling too. She at least attempted to hide it. 

“There are some kids that come in. And they go ‘excuse me’. And when I turn my head it’s like ‘Yes, can I- OH NO!’” Kiba went on, miming jumping. 

Sakura lost it. She began howling with laughter, collapsing against Shikamaru. Shikamaru held his stomach as he cackled. Tears welling up in the corners of their eyes as Kiba kept going on and on. He only stopped when he saw that Akamaru had managed to wedge his entire muzzle into the bag of chips.  

“Good morning, everyone!” Shizune said as she walked into the faculty room. It was a little early, but she saw that the lights were already on. She nearly walked into Orochimaru, who stood with a hand held in front of him. A finger pressed to his lips. 

What’s going on? Shizune mouthed.

Finger still pressed to his lips, Orochimaru turned to gesture toward Sakura.

She sat at her desk, phone held up in a bright blue stand. Her earbuds were plugged in.

They both started as Sakura slapped her hands down on her desk. 

“That’s your problem! Who cares what everyone else is getting?” Sakura exclaimed. She leaned forward, pointing at the front-facing camera. 

“You listen up. It doesn’t matter if everyone else’s technical score is 1,000. You just need to get 1,000.01. You hear me?” she snapped. And then she leaned back in her seat. Arms folded over her chest, she nodded a few times. Her eyes flickered over to the TV. 

“What’s the starting order look like?” demanded Sakura. Her gaze focused back on her phone. She nodded a few more ties.

“Good. Yeah.... uh-huh,” she said. 

Then, her expression softened. She leaned forward to take her phone. 

“I’ll be watching the whole time. Yeah. Okay, give the phone to Coach. I’ll be right here,” Sakura promised. 

It wasn’t like Haku to sound so nervous. Not before something minor like a qualifier for the Grand Prix. 

She could hear the crackling as Haku handed his phone over to Kisame. She turned her gaze to the TV.

“What’s up with him, Coach?” Sakura asked. 

The pairs skaters had finished their short program earlier in the morning. Now that the ice was resurfaced, the first group of men’s singles athletes prepared to perform. The TV cut to the athletes in the second group. Some were listening to music. Others, like Haku, were pacing back and forth. 

“Says his boot is feeling tight. And that his stomach doesn’t feel good. I haven’t seen the kid this wound up since his Junior days,” replied Kisame in her ear. She glimpsed him standing on the side of the rink, arms crossed. The camera moved across the room, showing the people in the audience. Quite a few held up signs and banners with Haku’s name on them.

Sakura was aware of her coworkers moving around the faculty room. And part of her brain reminded her to thank them for being so considerate. Some waved at her as they walked in, but others just nodded. She knew it was partly because Orochimaru used gestures to ask everyone to stay quiet that they only spoke in low voices. He sat beside her, a silent companion as she analyzed each of the programs. 

Haku was one of the last to compete. Which made sense, given his world standing last year. The higher ranking skaters always went last. 

But when it was time for him to perform, Sakura sat on the edge of her seat. 

“Oh. That’s Haruno-sensei’s friend,” Kurenai remarked. She set down her books and sat on the edge of Sakura’s desk. Sakura could sense the other teachers settling in to watch too. There was a little bit of time left before the first classes began. It wasn’t like there was any rush, and they had seen this person walking around in their town. 

Haku’s costume this season was deep blue, fading to white towards his neck and shoulders. The crystals glued on the fabric almost looked like silvery flames burning up his torso. 

Haku lingered at the edge of the rink to blow his nose. She could vaguely hear Kisame’s voice in her earbud. But then the camera moved. And Haku appeared on her phone screen. He looked a little pale. 

“Say something nice,” Haku requested. Sakura smiled.

“Why bother? You’re going to win, right?” she answered. 

He smirked in return. And then he turned to skate off to the center of the rink. 

Haku’s short program was beautiful. But of course it was. She knew every little turn, every gesture. If she closed her eyes, she could tell by the roar of the crowd each time he landed a jump or spin. But she didn’t dare. Her eyes stayed glued to the screen. Heart pounding as she watched him take off in quad. The perfect crack of his skate hitting the ice before he threw himself into a second spin.

“Wow,” breathed Asuma behind her. She hadn’t even noticed him walk into the room. 

As the beat built up, the strings and piano rising in a crescendo, Sakura held her breath. The husky vocals belted out. She leaned forward as his left toe pick hit the ice. Elbows tucking in as he threw himself into the air. Rotating. Rotating. Rotating. Rotatin-

Snow sprayed up as he landed. She watched the blade scrape out the rest of the rotation. Sakura listened to Orochimaru groan. Her hands clasped together. Knuckles going white. 

“Huh? He landed. That was good, right?” Kurenai whispered. 

“He under-rotated. That’s going to affect his score,” answered Orochimaru. 

Haku ended the program, both hands extended above him. Clasped high over his head. His chest heaving as the song finished. And then he dropped his hands, already smiling for the crowd. He waved with both hands as he headed toward the kiss and cry. Sakura’s earbud crackled as Kisame moved. 

“He-” Kisame began.

“Under-rotated. I know,” Sakura finished for him. 

The bell rang for first period. Everyone ignored it as they waited for the judges to announce the score. 

Haku sat beside Kisame. It took him a second before he remembered that his coach was holding onto his phone. He took it, shoving the other earbud into his right ear. He looked down at her, trying to smile. The angle gave him a double-chin, but she wasn’t about to make fun of that now. 

“Remember, you still have the free tomorrow,” Kisame whispered. 

“The short program score for Haku Shimizu from Japan,” the speaker blared. 

Haku’s head snapped back up. 

“97.12. He is currently in first place,” the announcer stated to a roar of applause. The TV showed fans jumping to their feet, waving their signs around. The cheers rose all around the room. 

Haku smiled with his mouth. But his eyes darted to Kisame. Then down to his phone. 

“I broke 100 in China,” he told her. Needlessly. Like she wouldn’t know all his season’s scores by heart. 

“Like Coach said. You still have the free skate tomorrow,” Sakura simply said. 

It was only then that she remembered the other people in the room. The teachers were chatting in regular voices now as they got to their feet. They were already a few minutes late for first period. Holding their folders and books, they began heading for the door.

“Wow. He did a great job,” remarked Asuma. None of them seemed to notice that neither Sakura nor Orochimaru were moving. 

“Huh? C’mon. Let’s go,” Asuma called as he lingered in the doorway. 

“You go ahead, Sensei. There’s still one person left,” Sakura replied, not looking at them. 

There was a pause. And then the door slid shut. 

Sakura heard Haku talking as he and Kisame moved out of the kiss and cry. The last skater was already on the rink. A cheer rose from the audience. 

“That toe loop,” she heard him sigh. 

“You better fix that toe loop or coach’ll be breaking all your toes at the end of the season,” Sakura muttered. She heard Haku chuckle.

Sakura jumped a little when someone sat down to her left. It was Itachi. 

“I don’t teach first period,” he told her, not looking at her. 

The skater from America had a flawless program. Positive grades of execution across the board. Landing a beautiful triple axel towards the end of his routine. Sakura already knew before he was finished. And Haku seemed to sense it too. 

“105.04,” the judges announced.

Sakura let out a long breath. 

“Sakura,” Haku called. She looked down. 

“Men’s free starts at 3:55 pm tomorrow,” he told her. And then ended the call. 

Orochimaru and Itachi looked at her when she got to her feet. Chair scraping across the linoleum. She walked out of the faculty room without looking at either of them. Because Haku was right. As long as he did well during the program tomorrow, he still had a chance of winning gold. 

The time difference between New York and Konoha made it difficult to wake up in time. But Sakura was awake by 5:40 in the morning. She sat in front of the TV in her pajamas, eyes barely open. The warm-up was just ending. The starting order in the bottom of the screen told her that Haku wouldn’t be up for a while. 

Haku didn’t call her this time. Kisame sent her a couple texts, checking to see if she was awake. And she asked him to wish Haku luck for her. 

She left the TV on as she went about her morning. Brushing her teeth and washing her face. She had breakfast standing in front of the TV, crunching through the last of her cereal, which meant that it was more crumbs and powder than pieces. 

When Haku came out, she could tell from his face. He didn’t feel good.

And this was confirmed when he popped his first big jump. A quad Lutz became a single. Her brain started doing calculations right away to see how many points his mistake would cost him. 

It was overall a lukewarm program. Far from what she had seen him manage in China just a month ago. But nothing that would lose him a spot at the Grand Prix Final. At the end of the four minutes, when she got a clear look at his face, she already knew what he was thinking. He didn’t even manage a smile for the audience. The disappointment etched into his tired shoulders. 

Haku placed second overall at Skate America. And he would be advancing to the Grand Prix without a problem. 

But their deal. 

All gold meant that she would come watch him. 

That silver medal around his neck may as well have weighed a million pounds. 

Sakura turned off the TV. She sat on the living room floor, heavy-hearted. She only allowed herself to wallow for a couple minutes. Then she was on her feet. 

Because Akamaru would be waiting for her on her doorstep so they could run. Minato, Naruto, and Kushina would be expecting her at the rink. And the weather outside was so beautiful. 

She had so many things to do, so many people to see. That it seemed a waste to sit there sulking for too long.