#chill owt

[redlyriumidol]

Mad respect to fade hawke-leavers but that could never be me 😔🫡 I'm simply too weak to do a thing like that to my beloved Isabela and Varric....I simply do not have faith that whoever you leave behind will ever return like they were pretty clear about the fact that they'd probably die and it's been 10 yrs... I left Alistair too, sorry to him as well very sad etc but I don't regret it at all lol

[mellow-hole]

classic adhd behaviour of overcommitting / overestimating my capacity looool

[gentlethorns]

the way i want to write even though i am TAYKEENG A BRAYKE after finishing my ENTIRE 101K FIRST DRAFT. abigail take a fucking moment to breathe challenge

[starmanbyler]

guys i hate this sm i’m at camp and i’m stuck waiting for 40 minutes with a bunch of people i don’t know

[pacifymebby]

U need to add possibly break up with B to that list of things to do, dads know best x

Hahaha nah we had a big talk last week and I said we'd give it a month to see how things are going and stuff so we'll reassess vibes then and go from there. But in the meantime I'm not doing owt about it, gonna try not to think or deep it too much and just focus on having a chill time with my pals. Feel like if a breakups inevitable I need to know I've got friends to lean on :/ x

[firestarterrr]

Cotton Candy: What is your favorite dessert? Grasshopper Green: Describe the area where you live.

Ooooh, um that's a tough'un cause ah love all food 🤷🏻‍♀️😂 angel cake or doughnuts orrrr just a massive bowl of strawberries n cream 👌 or owt wi custard too, I used to just eat bowls of custard on its own when ah was a kid 😂

Bloody beauuuutiful 🙌 got some reyt good views and we're int middle of the countryside in a load of fields, soo peaceful and chill here 🥰🌻

[punkscowardschampions]

Casey & Janis Pt.6

Janis: [‘you think you can take my whole hand, Case?’ tracing our remaining fingers around your hole ‘I take all your dick, don’t I’ moving like you’re in fast forward it’s so uninhibited and out of control]

Casey: [‘it’s not up to me’ cos gotta echo what she just said however impossible speaking seems to be atm ‘to do owt but keep up with you anyway’ cos so proud of her for taking all this all the time truly]

Janis: [kissing you like it’s a first kiss to directly contrast the fact we’re pushing more fingers inside you and riding your dick so aggressively it’s ridiculous ‘you’ve always kept up with me, there’s never been any doubt’]

Casey: [his levels of determination to see this through and not die before she’s done getting her whole hand up there are actually adorable despite the feralness of everything else always, god bless you, boy, we stan you looking so cute whilst being so hot at the same time]

Janis: [stroking his red cheeks so tenderly like we aren’t fist fucking you whilst you fuck us, moaning ‘you should see how good you’re doing’ because we’re so impressed honestly ‘do whatever you need to me to make you cum, please’]

Casey: [how she sounds on that moan as well as what she says getting to him SO much that he has to kiss her with a mouthful of blood because of how hard he’s bitten his tongue about it to try and keep this going forever]

Janis: [when you have to let this blood run down your throat to make you gag into this kiss because nothing else will do when you’re this far gone, yet these kisses are so soft and also on your bitten tongue ‘cos must comfort you whilst still v much carrying on the antics ‘you’re throbbing, I can feel how much you need to explode’]

Casey: [he will HAVE TO because she did so many of his fave things into that kiss, aside from the fact these antics are very much still going on, and that she literally gave him full permission to at the end there, how could he not, he’s only human]

Janis: [the way we’re expanding all of our fingers as wide as we can inside you when you do, losing all control of the rest of our body as you cum inside us because of course it’s making us cum, spilling some of this blood from our mouth down our chest and onto our stomach and yours]

Casey: [we always say this but I genuinely don’t know how y’all are recovering from that, gonna be here dead for a WHILE, nevertheless will be drawing a heart with his finger in some of that blood on her whilst y’all are recovering]

Janis: [truly we’re so dead and that has just ended us again, not us using your own cum to draw one on you back]

Casey: [who else would find that the most romantic gesture ever if not this boy, y’all are fated and how he’s looking at and smiling at her is adorable]

Janis: [‘put a million babies in me’ then doing a stupid smile because we can’t think of any clever or emotional enough way to say how much we love you rn, we’re too dead]

Casey: [‘I dunno how you’ve not worked it out yourself, mate, but that’s not how babies get made’ cos can’t resist the bants ever lol]

Janis: [‘keep trying ‘til we get it right’ nudging you with our head like shh]

Casey: [‘okay’ so soft and affectionate and in love]

Janis: [‘okay’ with the happiest of sighs]

Casey: [so glad y’all are the opposite of squeamish because it’d be a miracle if there wasn’t some actual poo floating in this bath as if baby me had appeared ready to blame Trace for the antics, and y’all are in no position to be getting out of here quick and in horror]

Janis: [lmao oh boo, you do amuse me, the way neither of you would even bat an eyelid is iconic tbh]

Casey: [gonna be amazing parents because there’s nothing capable of grossing them out]

Janis: [literally, god bless, not going to rush you but you will need to get out of this bath eventually, just looking at you like oh boy, because the state we’re both in now]

Casey: [let it start to go cold again and you can then when one of you shivers or something, for now, just chilling, trying to go back to breathing in a way that isn’t totally insane, looking at the girl he loves like the non verbal equivalent of the softest hey whilst also doing the checks that she’s okay and he didn’t hurt her more than either of y’all would want]

Janis: [just doing a tiny nod that makes us do the hoarsest laugh of all time ‘I’m so good’ sounding like a brag but not unwarranted anyway, just attempting to relax all his muscles and not get distracted by how hot he is]

Casey: [doing his own nod and a blush cos not over how good she was, to the extent that he has to bury his face and listen to her heartbeat because not okay with the reminders his mind is throwing at him happening this soon]

Janis: [just cuddling him, also trying not to remember suffocating him with our boob, failing but at least not repeating what we’re reminiscing on here, making our heart thud even more]

Casey: [there’s no way he wouldn’t be remembering that either and how he dropped the m word not at all casually, making a quiet lil but very !! noise about it]

Janis: [shhing you but you can hear the !! in it because we don’t want to mean it ‘you can say it whenever you want, too’ because he said it about the d word so we gotta]

Casey: [‘til she gets mardy enough to haunt us’ with the exact tone you would use to express the idea of your dead mum showing up rn of all moments, v awkward of you Debbie, excuse you hun]

Janis: [‘be typical of mine to bother showing now’ like quite the party, thanks Caleb but we’re shrugging ‘it ain’t like it’s about him, beyond the issues, of course’]

Casey: [shaking his head and probably accidentally tickling her because he has not moved, cos she doesn’t have the level of daddy issues so many girls he’s slept with have]

Janis: [smoothing his hair down with some water like hey ‘it’s alright, if you’re headwrecked or you ain’t’ because let’s not start judging each other now, imagine]

Casey: [lifting his head to look at her because she knows him so well and vice versa at this point there’s nothing that needs to be said about what issues you both do or don’t have and there’s defs no judgement for any of it]

Janis: [‘I don’t care, you can take any of it back at any time’ 🤏 with it though because we have to be honest that we may be a tiny bit gutted but you know what we’re saying as well as we understand your look]

Casey: [‘I’d care, it’d bother me if I did that to you’ the unspoken but SO loud I’m not jimothy and I refuse to go back on things I’ve said and done being beyond blatant]

Janis: [‘it’s not the stuff that matters’ because entirely different if you turned around and said you didn’t want to be with us now, then we would have to kill you and die]

Casey: [‘it matters in its own right’ cos y’all spend so much time being feral how could it not if you just turned around and was like actually none of that was legit bye]

Janis: [put your hands up like okay, fair point ‘you know what I mean too’ just like doing something once doesn’t mean you got to again, of course]

Casey: [‘I get it’ cos he do, always, stroking her hair as softly as she did his not long ago ‘can’t not get you’ cos she always be making fair points herself and also he just knows her that well]

Janis: [tapping his head how we do like yeah ‘well in there by now’ because you just know each other that well and have for a long time by this point]

Casey: [‘deep as’ not making that sentence a full one cos we all know he’s referring to the feral antics without it having to be said]

Janis: [still out here making dramatic af sounds because it’s WAY too soon to be remotely over it in a physical or emotional sense tah, laying our head on your chest to hear your heartbeat instead of our own in our ears ‘you’re the fittest boy in the whole world’]

Casey: [‘can’t keep up with you at that, like’ when you’re not even insecure remotely and you don’t mean it like that, she just is the fittest and literally a model and you’re never over it]

Janis: [‘yes you can’ grumpily like you hush now ‘you’re so-‘ tutting at ourself to cut us off ‘don’t start me on that again, like’ because we’ll only get carried away and we all know it]

Casey: [amusement you can hear in his voice ‘alright’ cos you likewise know sir you’ve gotta eventually get out of this bath and she’ll have to go to the effort of re-doing his bandages thanks to how wet they got ‘gutted if you was struck off’ bad nurses bants cos you both know she’s made him feel the most better possible in the sauciest way ‘so I’ll be a top patient, promise, best you’ll ever have’]

Janis: [‘be my luck’ ‘cos you’re such a terrible patient but we’re saying it with too much love to be taken seriously about it, absentmindedly rubbing the edge of these bandages between our finger and thumb ‘you are getting much better at doing what you’re told’ flashing a quick LOOK at you because we know what we’re referring to lol]

Casey: [turning her quick LOOK into a more lingering one cos always gotta make things even more extra than they were, especially in this feral era, no notes lol]

Janis: [we’ll be here blushing ‘I-’ because don’t even know where to begin ‘should be washing you, now that you’re here’ because truly, may as well now, get this shower back and on a comfortable temperature]

Casey: [‘too right, you’ as if it’s purely all her fault, because that’s how it feels, he’s just here getting derailed constantly by everything he feels and y’all can’t get anything done except the sauciest of antics, but of course he nods when she’s gonna make the attempt like go on cos it makes sense]

Janis: [‘best behaviour all ‘round’ like I heard and I’m on board, you try lads, you really do; if you start at the bottom and work your way up, you can navigate the uninjured areas like his feet and legs first]

Casey: [the absolute spitting image of the smirking emoji like sure Jan because he has no faith in y’all not to get distracted and even less desire for that best behaviour obvs, demonstrating this by childishly kicking some water at her since they are uninjured and he can]

Janis: [😯 like how very dare you x2, tickling the bottom of the foot you are holding like I can make you behave one way or another]

Casey: [his lols because that’s such a ticklish spot bringing Chubby in from wherever he was snoozing like HELLO parents so he’s like ‘I get it, you’ll be sorted now there’s reinforcements’ as if she summoned him cos he’s a big baby and thus the big guns]

Janis: [‘he can show you how to behave, more like’ which is half a drag because he’s still a baby and not fully trained but much better than you is the vibe, hence giving this pup some love]

Casey: [not this boy just wrecking this bathroom even further because we all know he’ll just be aiming this shower head at Chubby in his mouth so he can bite it and wherever else he wants to playfully like pounce on it bub etc etc, oh the fucks he don’t give ‘what were it you was saying?’ like I’m soz I didn’t catch that over the sounds of this dog misbehaving lol]

Janis: [just watching this carnage unfurl, shaking our head like we’re so unamused but we’re blatantly unable to keep the smile off our face because Chubby is such a fool ‘you’re giving yourself a lot to live up to’ like how are we going to top this mess being made 😏]

Casey: [just unwrapping one of his many bandages and wrapping Chubby up like he’s a mummy with it, nbd, until he eventually gets them off and then starts zooming around with them like a mad fool, thus disappearing temporarily so giving him a look like oh okay bye and giving her a LOOK like where were we and let’s see]

Janis: [slowly unwrapping the rest because fresh will be necessary at this point, and really lightly touching the now exposed skin with our fingers ‘how does it feel?’ quietly, in contrast to the running water and this dog zooming in the background]

Casey: [when the way he winces, physically and the verbal equivalent, speak for him, as does the fact he’s not bothering to hide either from her ‘but I’ll be okay’ his tone making it known he means rn even because he’s got her and she is taking such good care of him, feral antics aside]

Janis: [holding the shower as far away as we can so the water that hits you isn’t too much even, but the heat from it should be nice, as well as the benefit of staying as clean as we can for the antiseptic and bandaging to be worth the effort you’re going to ‘you will be’ nodding and smiling a little when we meet your eye like it’s true and we mean it, this is shit but it will all heal, giving each area a tiny kiss as we move the water to another part of him that has been covered by bandaging]

Casey: [‘you’ll have both of us back out working soon as, you keep all that up’ as if it’s the little kisses and the little kisses only that are doing it, closing his eyes as if she’s doing so much more than she is because he isn’t used to softness yet, y’all haven’t been together long enough]

Janis: [‘no one has to know, point of a sickie, ain’t it’ like we can keep quiet how healed you are, don’t worry ‘relax’ as his eyes are closing like that’s right]

Casey: [‘longest I’ve had’s [a number of days] when [an illness I won’t commit us to because we might decide to go back and do it one day cos the era before you get together is always a fun one]’ like remember, cos who would he have let look after him even slightly if not her and smiling about whatever he’s remembering from then when she did, keeping his eyes closed cos she basically told him to therefore he must]

Janis: [being like oh yeah, now I do ‘trying to age me, even then’ ‘cos of course we would’ve been actually concerned, clearly weren’t just a cold and like you said, who else was actually going to be able to help ‘can’t get you out of Irish now but…’ like you better think this is better lmao, now being the time we’re focusing on washing your butt and the like because we do need to spend some time there making sure we didn’t hurt you and giving some TLC]

Casey: [‘never worked though, did it?’ like you’re still STUNNING it’s fine ‘and I could get myself out of Irish no bother, but…’ shoutout to that school counsellor lady who did fuck all but that, cos obviously this is better and whatever he’s remembering is clearly also a mood even if it was purely just the fact Janis obviously really cared so he therefore can’t even commit to the bants, especially not of pretending we liked her more]

Janis: [‘didn’t let me skive with you though, did you’ ‘cos I can see it now, you’d want her to, obviously, but then Jimmy would obviously want to stay home too and Casey would be FUMING like go away lol]

Casey: [‘letting you now, aren’t I?’ cos that’s the absolute TEA of how it would’ve happened, you’re so right for that my boo, so talking about making up for lost time is more of the vibe than dwelling on any of that, LOVE that you’re calling this a skive when you couldn’t possibly be more injured]

Janis: [doing a little ha like okay, true ‘I am paying for this room, like’ like who’s letting who skive really but we’re likewise getting distracted being v thorough about this clean up]

Casey: [I don’t even need to say that whatever sassy retort he thought about making isn’t happening because of how thorough she’s being rn, can only bite his lip so that he’s not once again being indecent thanks to those vivid flashbacks, we all know it]

Janis: [‘sorry’ like he’s mad about it remotely, making a big show of composing yourself like this is SUCH serious business, we all remember ‘I can take care of you without…’ prove it honestly because it’s been no time at all lmao]

Casey: [when the sorry would get to him too because the reminder pre your first hookup when you were both just pretending you were gonna sleep and trying to get comfy for it, soz boy there’s nowhere to hide, all these flashbacks happening and her literally able to see you getting turned on as it’s occurring and exactly how much you are ‘we don’t need to go without, I ain’t dying, and anyway, there’s the send off I’d be after if I were about to’]

Janis: [good thing you aren’t shy because we are just staring at you getting turned on, unrepentantly despite the sorry we gave you ‘what are you thinking about?’ because we wanna know]

Casey: [I’d have to go re-read to do it but for you sir there’s been no time and you’d remember it vividly obvs so just recount every moment from the first sorry to just before y’all actually went for it, as if you’re leaving her on a cliffhanger]

Janis: [the way we’d obviously be able to flawlessly continue that story because imprinted in our memory forever, never mind how fresh it is currently making it what your head basically defaults to]

Casey: [just here listening intently as though every word and moment isn’t likewise imprinted, getting more and more turned on by the second nbd]

Janis: [‘It’ll never not be mad to me, that I’m allowed to touch you now, whenever we like’ because what a ride from never alone basically to this, emphasising the word touch by doing just that, but with our foof so you can feel how turned on we are too to make it fair]

Casey: [‘and however’ cos y’all are into some freaky shit so that feels like an addition that needs to be tacked on like can’t believe we get to do all that, even if it’s basically fully a moan when he says it]

Janis: [‘every way’ which we sincerely mean, whether there is actually a line for y’all or not, we feel like we want to do everything it is possible to do with you]

Casey: [kissing her EXACTLY like he did the first time ever, a not at all casual perfect reenactment without even trying just cos of how vividly you were both talking and thinking about that moment]

Janis: [‘we’ve never used a condom’ because all this reminiscing has you thinking about all your many hookups by this point, clearly thrilled by this revelation, it would be a hassle how many you’d get through]

Casey: [‘can guarantee you’re already paying too much for this room’ like we’d be bankrupt if you had to start buying them as well, where’s the lie, but we all know he’s buzzing too and how unlike him that is]

Janis: [tutting like you’re telling me because this isn’t ideal but we couldn’t bear to be anywhere else ‘but you said you’d live in the car with me’ because he did]

Casey: [‘I’d live on the streets outside that crackhead pharmacy with you’ cos he would, so sincerely ‘anywhere, even my dad’s again’]

Janis: [‘he’d only allow that to have the pleasure of calling me a fatherless black slag to my face’ but we’re placing our body protectively over yours like no, you’re not going anywhere near him]

Casey: [‘I’d not allow it, I didn’t’ cos we all know how this brawl with Ian started properly and it was with him slagging Janis off so]

Janis: [‘he can think what he likes, you love me’ because we aren’t interested Ian, so soz ‘I’ll put up with worse than his to be with you’]

Casey: [‘I know you would, but you won’t have to put up with nowt from nobody, not for as long as I’m with you’ can and would fight the entire world and is promising to, nbd]

Janis: [‘you aren’t going anywhere’ playfully using our arm to pin you to this bath, not hard enough you are injured or couldn’t actually get out but you get the point ‘mine’]

Casey: [getting out of it but only so that he can give her the biggest and most dramatic hug he is able]

Janis: [hugging you back with as little concern to your injuries as we can manage because we want it to be a proper hug ‘thank you, for standing up for me even though I didn’t deserve it’]

Casey: [‘neither of us deserve his bollocks’ because deep down you know that you don’t either boy even though it goes against every instinct and everything Ian ever did to make you think you do]

Janis: [‘no one does’ with a sad noise because too real, stroking your bruised face right now]

Casey: [‘nobody else’ll have to’ looking at where baby Jac is when he says this like don’t worry gal under NO circumstances will you or anybody of your generation have to be around him ‘it stops here, with me’ cos Jimothy and Bobby severed that tie long before you did so yeah, end of the line Ian you bitch]

Janis: [pressing our forehead against yours in the most comforting manner because we know how big a deal this is for you and how much it means to us that you would even try ‘if it’s just me and you for the rest of our lives and everyone else hates me, I’d still need you and choose you’]

Casey: [‘bit rude of us to say I wouldn’t be fuming about it, what with you in exile instead of plastered on the side of a building, but you know I’d not, you heard, you’re everything I want’ cos he said that I saw it in the re-read]

Janis: [‘I’ve always been that, and you too, I can’t belong with or to anyone else’ like we have to be together, wherever and however we have to make it happen]

Casey: [‘you’re mine and I’m yours, end of’ cos yep hard agree, kissing her again as if it needs further emphasis]

Janis: [‘we were just meant to be together, end up like this’ inbetween kisses, sitting in your lap, letting the water run over you as a pair]

Casey: [doing the trying to pull her closer thing even though she can’t be ‘just like this’ and you know how it sounds because of how turned on he was and is]

Janis: [‘I’m not sorry, I’m really not, if every thing Ian said was true, I still wouldn’t be’ pulling his wrist we bit on that first time to us to see if the mark is still there]

Casey: [regardless of whether it’s faded remotely or not, putting said wrist to her mouth so she can bite it again because of course he wants her to]

Janis: [and we will because it’s necessary for you to have injuries you want and consented to, if you ask us lol, maintaining eye contact because we’re fully in our emotions recalling how far we’ve come and how we got to here]

Casey: [doing his wiping her eyes though she’s not crying move while he maintains the eye contact, to signify that he gets how she’s in her emotions and why and it’s a hard same]

Janis: [‘one day’ because he still hasn’t cried and we feel like we’ve never cried so much in our entire life as we have since this entire situation, busying ourself licking the trail of blood going from his wrist to his elbow, so you can be extra about how you look doing that]

Casey: [literally does not blink the entire time she’s doing that, even though big blinks are as close as he can get to crying and he’d love to give her that but soz we can’t miss a second here, until he pulls her into a kiss to taste the blood obvs, close your eyes then please hun, we know y’all don’t always and it’s unsettling]

Janis: [just happily coating every corner of your mouth in your blood with our tongue right now, taking it very seriously like if you want a taste you’ll get a taste, baby ‘I ain’t gonna bleed for ages’ thinking about the period you aren’t having and won’t probably until you’re done breastfeeding Jameson lowkey]

Casey: [defs biting her earlobe for that throwback and so he can be as extra about the blood trail as she just was, cos not like that but it’s a promise that he’ll keep making her bleed as many ways as he can]

Janis: [using your blood to write your name on his chest because we’re !! and in big love]

Casey: [giving her BIGGEST heart eyes for that cos hard same]

Janis: [just licking your name on his face, even if there’s not enough blood lingering that it stays once the spit has dried, just to be ferally adorable about it ‘we don’t have to leave’ as if this has just hit you because lowkey kinda like we keep forgetting that apart from Bobby thinking you should be back, no one else does and you haven’t run away with a deadline to return]

Casey: [when it then likewise hits you too that you have nowhere to be unlike when y’all ran away before, he doesn’t even have a job to go to rn, oh the freedom, hence he can’t help doing the BIGGEST grin about it ‘loads of time for us to find you a house’ cos she said she wanted one before and we haven’t forgotten]

Janis: [doing a slightly unhinged laugh because this all seems very unreal and like you’re just playing a game still because it’s obviously not sunk in that the place you shared with Jimmy is not home now, you can’t expect that to hit when most of your stuff is still there and so is he ‘crackhead pharmacy doorway might be more like it’ because the fear setting in]

Casey: [shaking his head because job or no job he can do slightly better than that and he intends to, drawing the childlike shape of a house, aka a square with a triangle on top of it and then squares for windows and a door, on her stomach like he’s literally putting a roof over baby Jac’s head]

Janis: [drawing said baby in one window and Chubby in another but realising this is probably getting a little too complex to translate to him so just smiling down at your stomach like never mind ‘least my mum’s has lots of rooms’ quietly but like, we aren’t totally fucked, if everything goes wrong ‘barely even lived there before-’ before you met Jimmy and then just moved yourself in]

Casey: [when you were drawing a v simple tree shape like oh I forgot they’ll absolutely need a garden because obvs picked up on her vibe if not the drawing itself, but then she says that and it’s like OH because feeling like she doesn’t think he can actually follow through on this plan, so of course his finger stops dead]

Janis: [when you don’t realize what you’ve said and how he could’ve taken that but obviously the vibe has SHIFTED immediately so you’re just looking back up at him like ? ‘not saying it’d be ideal’ with a shrug like maybe he just hates the idea of having to live with your mother]

Casey: [100000% NOT looking at her which is rare for him and therefore signals the absolute drama in a way he isn’t cos just still here seeming to be lowkey while having an internal monologue rage at him ‘nah, you’re only saying it’ll be necessary’ but so quietly it’s basically under his breath and more to himself than you]

Janis: [when you suddenly feel v exposed for the both of you being in this bath right now just like oh no, this isn’t right, turning the shower head off more because you don’t know what else to do than having any kind of concrete plan here, looking away because he won’t look at you and you’re trying to meet on whatever level he’s on, even though you do not get it ‘why is it suddenly the end of the world?’ pretty quietly too because you’re genuinely trying to work it out]

Casey: [‘you don’t reckon I can give you all that, do you?’ his tone making it sound not at all like a question because he’s already made him mind up that deep down that must be what she thinks]

Janis: [‘I’m not asking you to give me anything’ incredulous like is that who you think I am ‘it’s a joint fucking effort or it don’t work, if I’ve learnt anything, like’]

Casey: [‘you know what I fucking mean’ cos of course we’re getting angry about it, tis still his default emotion ‘and it ain’t gonna work, you still seeing us as that dickhead’ said like you aren’t the same 22 year old bartender but we all get what you mean sir, you had your role and the way you behaved and it was all not that long ago]

Janis: [‘I ain’t’ firmly because we’re not, whether you’re referring to the dickhead you were or the dickhead Jimothy was, we’re doing neither]

Casey: [‘I ain’t him’ not this being said like a negative instead of a positive for the first time ever as if she thinks because you didn’t have to be middle aged woman levels of responsible as a teen like Jimothy she therefore thinks you’re a irresponsible flop, also not this boy trying to diva storm out of this bath like he’s uninjured, he’ll be hurting himself and that’ll only escalate things so that’s great and a smart move, thanks boy]

Janis: [we saw that coming but also saw no way to stop you that wouldn’t make you as angry if not moreso so we had to let you do it, mistake though it was, you’re allowed to wanna get out of this close proximity and vulnerable nakedness, throwing a towel in his direction because that’s the best we can offer ‘til you are ready for us to rebandage and that moment is definitely not now ‘thank fuck’ like that’s basically the entire point ‘if I wanted to be with him, if it still worked, then I could be’ because we’ve had times to turn this ship around and could still beg and plead if we thought that was the right thing to do]

Casey: [‘don’t I bloody know it’ oh the insecurity of thinking if he does one thing wrong or lets her down ever she could just go back really just fully jumping out there and he can’t even sound as angry and ! as he wants because he’s clearly hurt, such fun]

Janis: [when you are itching to help him but you don’t want him to say no go away because you can’t handle that possibility right now, running your fingers through your hair and making eye contact via the bathroom mirror because it’s better than nothing but not confrontational ‘it doesn’t work and it wouldn’t, you know that’ like it’s never going to happen and that’s about Jimmy, not about us and this relationship ‘the last thing I wanted was you feeling the pressure to be perfect, that’s it’ dropping whatever you were trying to clean up in this mess of a bathroom because truly, just thinking this is our trait and we make the people we love kill themselves trying to give us what we feel like we haven’t even asked for]

Casey: [‘it isn’t gonna be perfect, a shithole for a bit, more like, might be ages even, I’m not thick, I fucking know that, but you should that it still don’t mean you need a back up plan’ when you’re just like I can do it, we can, so !!, hence he’s gotta look at her finally]

Janis: [‘don’t you think I know how much this is already, you didn’t ask for half of it, the fucking baby-’ stopping to do some dramatic breaths because truly, what a mistake, soz Baby Jac, the timing is so bad ‘I’m not trying to repeat my mistakes and fuck you over like I did him’ turning around to properly make eye contact because we want to be understood here like please]

Casey: [‘he never, but all this is exactly what I asked for, fuck knows who off ‘cause I used to reckon it was a massive load of bollocks, but I wanted it, and here I am finally getting my way’ the eye contact has never been more dramatic ‘she’s not a mistake to me’ cos soz bad timing or not it’s simply true]

Janis: [‘do you still want it?’ because getting hung up on that past tense, excuse us, trying to say it as plainly as you can because we want to know the truth and not be placated, obviously, but we had to clear our throat several times before the words would come out like that]

Casey: [thanks for all the throat clearing giving him however much time he needs to walk over to her, hurt as he is, and close this gap between y’all because of course he does, we all know it ‘I want her and you and him in there, however fucked the roof is’]

Janis: [just taking the time it takes to sit you on the toilet, crouching in front of you so we’re eye level still because neither of you needs to feel patronized right now ‘I want it too’ making eye contact like you better believe me, boy]

Casey: [‘It’s alright if you want your mum an’ all’ that sounds a bit patronising but we know he means it so sincerely cos of how much he wants his own, despite everything]

Janis: [‘I don’t want you to feel like there’s nowhere to turn, that you’re trapped with me’ because we know that this is going to wreck things with Jimmy and Bobby for you, maybe forever, and you’re also promising you won’t see Ian and it sounds like a recipe for disaster ‘I’m not losing you because I don’t let you know that we’re in this together, in every way’]

Casey: [‘it’s not you gets me trapped’ because we all know that it’s his bloody parents fault, Ian especially and we also know that Jimothy and Bobby have not helped his issues either ‘and you’re the only one who bothers to get us out when I am, I worked out we was in this together first time you done that’]

Janis: [resting our arms on your legs so we’re not yet dealing with your injured body because don’t want to distract from the fact we are properly listening and taking this all in but also making contact because we would like to help you right now too ‘you don’t need to doubt that I want to be with you, ever’]

Casey: [‘I just love you so fucking much’ getting blurted out and coming out with a sigh like ugh cos he do hate it when he gets angry at you gal]

Janis: [‘sorry’ like he’s sighing about loving you, trying to be bants but we’re both feeling a little too insecure for comfort right now ‘you’re right for me means you’re right for me, I’ve always said that’]

Casey: [shaking his head like no I’m sorry, burying his head into her how he do because comfort is needed by both of you here in this moment]

Janis: [cradling your head basically because we can hug you a little tighter like this right now whereas going for your body would be a mistake ‘I love you, okay, we will get everything we want’]

Casey: [‘I have’ from within this snuggle ‘not let us down yet and I won’t you’]

Janis: [‘you never have’ kissing his forehead somewhat frenziedly because that was scary for you both and we’re so glad we’re back to this]

Casey: [he has to do it back as intensely like we’re sealing that thought into both of our heads rn immediately]

Janis: [‘just ‘cos it’s intense, doesn’t mean it’s not what I want, we are intense’ said like it’s a good thing because to us it is and always has been]

Casey: [‘yeah, we are’ as he’s giving her the most intense kisses everywhere and anywhere he can reach without having to move too much and hurt himself]

Janis: [doing lowkey little grrs because you need to bandage this boy back up, and get some ice but you wanna just let him kiss you forever ‘and I’m obsessed with you’ as a *add on]

Casey: [‘we’re obsessed with each other’ like a * correction, pulling her into his lap like be closer thank you]

Janis: [‘if they cut us open, you’d be all the way through me, like a stick of rock or something, right out the other side’ saying this in your face because doing excessively close eye contact now]

Casey: [‘she’ll behave better than that’ said like you’re more than a bit gutted Baby Jac won’t be the cause of her having to be cut open and thus him being able to see that, cos how real it feels to him too]

Janis: [‘tell her she has to be’ like use your daddy powers thanks because not trying to lose our core muscles like that]

Casey: [doing it obvs, telling baby Jac all about her mother’s job and athletic prowess etc etc, including when jc used to run and sparr together so you can have an adorable reminisce and Janis will be able to hear in his voice how much all of that meant and means to him, shamelessly bigging her up so much with it all but where’s the lie tbh]

Janis: [it meant a lot to us too because it was lowkey the only thing we knew what to do with ourself for ages and to have someone get that was important ‘your daddy has to rest so I can beat him again’ shouldn’t say your but we simply have to, I’m sorry, the emotions are too real]

Casey: [resting his head on her stomach as if she meant he has to rest rn immediately obvs ‘to beat your mummy again’ whispered to baby Jac as a *]

Janis: [smiling down at you ‘don’t be telling lies, she already loves you without’]

Casey: [‘and you do, when I win’ like thank god cos I ALWAYS do lol lol]

Janis: [shaking our head like oh yeah? 😏 ‘I might miss being pinned by you’ like just a smidge]

Casey: [when he forgets himself and tries to do it because so used to doing whatever she wants, but then it’s a big yikes and even bigger ouch moment with how he moved, soz sir but that’s your reality rn]

Janis: [‘come on’ like that’s enough, put my foot down ‘comfier on the bed’ as we’re leading him that way, picking up supplies on the way so we can compress these injuries again]

Casey: [gotta let her boy, even if you can’t resist a ‘fuck’s sake’ for how frustrating these injuries are]

Janis: [just making the I know noise because we do, no getting around how annoying it is to not be on top form ‘[his fave takeaway vibe] will soften the blow’ because we have to go get ice so may as well]

[plummoons]

All his life Nick had lived behind a mask. From a young age, a tougher exterior kept him safe from the abuse his father inflicted. A child is meant to explore the world without fear. See it for all the wonder it has to behold but that innocence was stolen from Nick. The reality world was harsh. There was no dream he could hide in to protect him. No mother's embrace to shelter him from all that could harm him. It was Nick who had to be the protector. In the most formative years of his life, he learned that monsters weren't just in the outside world. They were also within.

The military offered no escape either. If anything, it allowed him to further crawl into this persona he had created to keep him safe. Where Nick began and the mask ended was a fine line, easily blurred together. The alias he once carried was his new identity. Nicholas Bishop was a buried man metaphorically. Unfortunately for Nick, he soon became a buried man physically. His death and rebirth had happened many times. One might have considered death to be his long-standing friend. She was always there in the background, biding her time for when it was appropriate to strike. Her most recent endeavor led him here, where he was once again Nicholas Bishop. There was no mask he could hide behind anymore. For the first time in his life, he was laid bare for all to see.

Nick knew there was no way to hide from the man standing before him. He felt completely exposed, as if every inch of him was laid bare. Lucian's tone chilled Nick to the bone. He wasn’t one to play games, nor did he appreciate being mocked. "I am." his overconfidence often leads him into tricky situations. “Who says I’m runnin' from owt?” his tone was colored with defiance. His second line of defense behind his giant stature. It wasn't often he came face to face with someone - quite literally. "M'used to carryin' heavy things. Nowt I can't handle."

It took a lot for Nick to crumble under pressure. They were in a duel of wits now. He was too calculated to let Lucian see his mask fall. There was truth in the other's words. One misstep and a whole facade could crumble. Nick could never afford to let that happen. There was always too much at stake. He remained unmoving as the darkness inched close, bright blue eyes watching him like a wolf eyeing its prey. He wasn't going to give Lucian any satisfaction.

"I came looking for answers. If you're not going to give 'em to me straight I'll find someone else. I'm not here for your flowery words or games." A smirk danced across his lips, head pulling back so he could look Lucian dead in the eyes. "I'd consider myself a dog rather than a curious cat."

Lucian regarded Nick with a faint, knowing smile, the kind that shimmered in the dim light with an unsettling clarity, as though his gaze could pierce through every shadow the other bore. There was nothing he couldn't read in him, no flicker of doubt or hidden scar that escaped his notice. To Lucian, the man standing before him was laid bare. a soul bruised by unanswered questions, haunted by whispers that longed for answers. It thrilled him.

A low, rich chuckle rumbled from Lucian’s chest, a sound edged with a sort of delighted mockery. Brow arched, voice dripping with a smooth, taunting cadence “Expecting you?”

“ Let's just say I've met enough men running from their own darkness to know the look. Yours… it’s particularly heavy, isn’t it?” His words lingered, sinking into the silence like a stone into deep waters.

Stance remained unyielding, head tilted, gaze sharp and unbroken. He remained unyielding as the other closed the distance “You seem confident," a sly admiration slipping through his tone. “But confidence is a fragile thing, a delicate mask that shatters with the slightest misstep.” Lucian took a small stepped forward, closing the gap between them, letting his presence become a quiet, pressing force.

He leaned in, voice lowering to a whisper that lingered warm against Nick’s ear “So, Nick… what brings you to the edge of your own darkness tonight? Are you seeking answers, or simply curious to see just how deep the darkness goes? curiosity killed the cat.. you know. ”

[gingahsnap]

Happy National I’m Late To Love My Red Hair Day but mostly just in love with the Fenty Chill Owt collection 😘

[metaphor-cheese]

Had a dream involving many things abt phineas and candaces dad being an asshole but one thing that stuck out was buford and phineas chilling on the grass and (presumably cos he was asked) phineas said ‘my dad left’ and after a beat of silence buford goes ‘mine did too’ and they dont say owt but theres an air of mutual understanding around them after

[jodiewhittagay]

thirteen: i miss her

thirteen: should i text her? i miss her so much. i hope she’s okay

thirteen: why aren’t you sayin’ owt?

ryan: oh my days, doc. yaz just went the loo. chill.

[punkscowardschampions]

Jimmy & Janis

Jimmy: [okay so my thought is that like maybe he's been sorting out a Cass rage because he's actually going to this festival and she's fuming about it for obvious reasons but then he comes back and Janis is thinking that Harry might show up cos had that convo with Grace so she's being weird and he's like ?] Janis: [solid plan, awks all 'round, just tryna play off you've been busy whilst he's been arguing like oh hi, definitely didn't hear any of that 'alright?'] Jimmy: [just going for a 🚬 immediately because he's obvs not alright] Janis: fair Janis: they could take a few tips, like Jimmy: gutted they don't know where I live then Jimmy: for that and loads of other reasons, like Janis: naturally Janis: such good craic, who wouldn't want them popping over for a cuppa Jimmy: hot water and 🍋 is nearer to the order they'd put in Janis: do you charge for that at CG? Janis: probably a couple of euro, still Jimmy: put a fancy name on it and you can charge for owt Janis: they're stupid enough to buy it Janis: we're definitely getting them the cheapest paint-thinner vodka, yeah Jimmy: what do you want? 🍾? Janis: 🙄 deffo Janis: any +1s I can get Jimmy: such a celebration 🙌 Janis: everyone's feeling it Janis: we might not end up going anyway Jimmy: what? Janis: you know, fuck knows where they're all at with it Janis: 🤞 I've convinced Grace she has to though Jimmy: fuck's sake Jimmy: whose idea were this? obvs a right dickhead Janis: yeah Janis: if we don't bottle it she can't Janis: tried her best but Jimmy: bottle her before I stay here Janis: you gotta be hot about it Janis: rude Jimmy: 😎🚬 Jimmy: come sit with me Janis: you sure Jimmy: you don't wanna? Janis: just thinking if there's any more shit news I have to give you before I do Jimmy: is there? Janis: I dunno Janis: you given any thought to who Mia's mystery guest could be Jimmy: I reckon that 🏌 trip her daddy's on might be #fake Janis: that'd make it all worth it Janis: none of us are that 🍀 Jimmy: or she's choosing now to come out with her 🤞 you will an' all Janis: shut up Janis: you're meant to think Asia is irreplaceable Jimmy: duh Jimmy: I know I'm #blessed Janis: you're the only one Jimmy: 😏 Janis: we all know Mia isn't surprising her with lizard boy Jimmy: or 🐸 from previous Janis: if we're doing a this is your life of her exes, she'll need a bus Jimmy: Alright, no need to make me jealous Jimmy: can't be arsed with the green emojis Janis: you can't be Janis: very #ungoals Janis: they're all massive slags and proud Janis: 'cept #2, who wouldn't and Tammy who couldn't Jimmy: Holly's a good name, bit prickly her Jimmy: the marding and the hair regrowth Janis: 😂 Janis: so mean Jimmy: did have to laugh when princess Ella were like mime to a sad song about it Janis: no doubt being favourite got her cocky but her comebacks were better Jimmy: wonder who'll be fave by the time we get there Janis: not her, if Holly made good on her threat Jimmy: bloody musical thrones Jimmy: could be on telly Janis: 🙄 don't say that Janis: already think they're interesting enough to film it Jimmy: I get it, that's only us, eh babe? 😏 Janis: duh Janis: why it weren't hard to 👑👑 Jimmy: pissed on my 💍 proposal, still fuming Janis: me and all Janis: chat about not getting sarcasm, you know Asia's gonna come at me with a Pinterest moodboard moment Janis: tah so much Jimmy: proper 💕 that girl Janis: mm Jimmy: leaning on your phone cos you're 🗭 about 💍👰 Jimmy: very #goals that Janis: not gonna waste any time dreaming when it's SO real am I Jimmy: you don't want a 🌠 to have a go on then? Jimmy: loads out here Janis: what a totally believable coincidence Janis: guess I better Jimmy: 👍 Janis: [coming out like oh hey] Jimmy: [patting the doorstep he's sitting on like have a seat] Janis: [doing it but raising a brow like 😏 'you gonna give me my annual report or something?'] Jimmy: ['that what you're after from me, is it?' 😏 'loads of long words'] Janis: [shrugs 'asking if you were gonna punish me seemed cliche so'] Jimmy: [a little lol] Janis: [nudges him, not in a shut up way but a how're you way] Jimmy: [puts his head on her shoulder cos not alright so gotta be OTT about it] Janis: [strokes his hair 'we don't have to go, you know, if you need to stay here...they're perfectly capable of tearing themselves apart in the meantime'] Jimmy: [makes an unimpressed noise cos can't admit that he wants to go to be with her or get into how he always needs to stay here whether he likes it or not] Janis: [smushes his face 'alright, grumpy'] Jimmy: [pushing her off but then pulling her into you at the same time as if you're not already close af to each other] Janis: ['what do you wanna do?' soft] Jimmy: [kisses her because that's always what he wants to do even though we all know that's not what she meant] Janis: [allowing it though 'cos same] Jimmy: [just a nice little make out moment to lose ourselves in and forget everything else] Janis: [you really deserve it] Jimmy: ['do you wanna go?' we know the answer is no but] Janis: ['any chance to fuck with them is a good idea, yeah' 'cos wasn't a bad one, just ehh 'cos of this Harry thing and Cass going off] Jimmy: [nods like that's that settled then cos god forbid you offer your own opinion boy] Janis: ['plus, we get to have our own tent'] Jimmy: ['there's nowt you could say or do to convince me to go if we didn't' sounds like such a challenge lol] Janis: ['stop tryna make me feel special, boy' 😏] Jimmy: ['wouldn't be very goals of me, that'] Janis: [makes face like, gutted] Jimmy: [shamelessly just touching her face nbd] Janis: [looking awayayay] Jimmy: [when that devastates you but there's nothing you can say or do because everything's so casual and so only sexual yep] Janis: [just resting your head on his shoulder now 'cos drama] Jimmy: [playing with her hair in the softest way because of course] Janis: ['what are you gonna wear then?' 'cos we're definitely all thinking about our #lewks rn] Jimmy: [such a surprised lol because not what he expected her to say obvs] Janis: ['this isn't a laughing matter' in some semblance of a Mia impression] Jimmy: [when it's probably pretty accurate so you flinch like oh no I hate that] Janis: [loling evilly, 'not doing Asia for you, get over it'] Jimmy: [💔 hands even though it means you have to stop playing with her hair for a sec] Janis: ['bitch' who we referring to here] Jimmy: [nudges her like oi cos assuming she means him] Janis: ['what you gonna do about it?' 😏] Jimmy: [playfight cos it's been a minute] Janis: ['not going to apologize to her'] Jimmy: ['if not that, what is the plan?'] Janis: [🤔 face] Jimmy: [hiding his 😍 by looking at the imaginary watch like any time you're ready] Janis: [nudges him like alright, alright 'how can we make the divide even bigger? need to get them to fight again, which really shouldn't be hard'] Jimmy: ['your sister and the tall one are already about to snap, no challenge there, if we really want to fuck her over we need to get her ultimate fave on side' shrugs because that's always the mood] Janis: ['yeah, but they always roll over, that's the problem, we have to kick it up that notch so they all go beyond that...I just don't know how, ditto what we can give that one that Mia can't, like' shrugs back] Jimmy: [gets his phone and shows her that he's messaging Asia like he really wants her boyfriend there for the lad bants because that's an easy given to annoy Mia] Janis: ['I think she's invited Harry, or she wants me to think she has or- I don't fucking know but I don't think he'll come anyway' when you just blurt that out in response 'cos as good a time as any] Jimmy: [such a look like wtf cos god knows what he'll say if he blurts something out rn cos so 😒] Janis: ['the way she didn't say...they basically give each other measurements and a star-rating usually so- don't you reckon she was trying to get at us?' shrugs like could be wrong but we all know it ain't] Jimmy: [when you get up because you know she's right and you're fuming honey] Janis: ['I know' but also like ?! reaction you can't hide] Jimmy: [he literally has no words for how fucked up this all is and how much he can't stand Mia so just the biggest sigh to ever have existed] Janis: ['there's no way he'll come, bet she ain't even asked'] Jimmy: ['that's alright then' bit of sarcasm for you there Ella lol] Janis: ['Well, ain't it?'] Jimmy: [😒 af face] Janis: ['she's a cunt, we've known that'] Jimmy: [sitting back down where you were but you're not chill at all] Janis: [getting him another 🚬 and then herself] Jimmy: [furiously 🚬 while he's trying to think of ways to fuck Mia over] Janis: sorry Jimmy: shut up Janis: well I am Jimmy: [just looking at her like don't] Janis: [shrugs like fine but is just jogging her leg up and down 'cos not cool with this and has been thinking about it since the chat] Jimmy: [puts his hand on said leg like stop it's okay] Janis: ['he's so-' lacking the words or adequately hardcore 😒 face for him] Jimmy: ['he's nowt we can't handle' but so genuinely said not like ha we're so 🥇 bants] Janis: ['we shouldn't have to, you especially but still, it's bullshit'] Jimmy: [shrugs but looking at her 'I said you're worth sticking around for, didn't I?' because everything is bullshit or worse in jimothy's life rn we know so to say that and mean it is a LOT 'not gonna change my mind 'cause of him, her or any other knobheads'] Janis: ['I-' when you can't even begin to say anything that you think matches what he's just said remotely so you just falter but the LOOK is everything] Jimmy: ['it'll be alright' said like even if it's not it still will be because he literally only cares about her so he'll make sure it is] Janis: [nods and squeezes his hand 'fuck 'em all'] Jimmy: [draws the heart with their initials in on her hand with his fingertip pressing harder than usual for emphasis and obvs using the hand she's not holding so he doesn't have to let go because they in this together and such a good team and not because he loves her or anything nope] Janis: ['draw blood or it didn't happen, baby' bravado to cover the real as hell 😳] Jimmy: [taking the invitation to do a new lovebite because we all need that distraction before shit gets any feelsier] Janis: [lean into the sex of it all kids 'cos we don't need to fake any of that to still be real[ Jimmy: [lowkey love that you're on the doorstep still] Janis: [bonjour neighbours, Ian will be thrilled and thus I am 'cos fuck you] Jimmy: [same because you make this flatwhite drama seem like a picnic sir] Janis: [true tea, like in the grand scheme of things, are we bothered] Jimmy: [he's really not we know he's only doing any of this for her and to spend time with her so] Janis: [and as much as Mia deserves payback by this point, this is all a distraction from the real mess of her life too so] Jimmy: [the truest tea] Janis: [probably do at least take this to the back lol] Jimmy: [enough people and a dog milling around to make you think someone could be about to come out of that door and convince you to move lol] Janis: [god bless] Jimmy: [take all the alone time you can get rn cos this festival is gonna be a LOT] Janis: [we know it, as much as you're low-key just like we gonna spend the whole time just 😍 at this point, 'cos fuck it, won't actually be that, soz] Jimmy: [mhmm we'll make sure Mia has a worse time but it's not gonna be all fun and games for you two] Janis: [joy of joys] Jimmy: [we should make a list of everything we wanna happen in terms of the flatwhites bs when we're done but before we start the festival fr so we can decide how to ref it] Janis: [good idea carrot] Jimmy: [cos obvs we only care how it effects jj soz not soz] Janis: [but of course, we gotta timeline the drama so we don't forget anything] Jimmy: [do we wanna now or is there anything else we wanna do in this convo?] Janis: [hmm, like she's probably gonna try and leave 'cos still in that stage of like, you don't want me to sleep over but aside from that moment, we can probs get going on the plan] Jimmy: [we could always bring out the big guns because Ian isn't gonna want him to go either but like obvs don't wanna go too hard with that before they go for a million reasons] Janis: [we can deffo do that afterwards, like they've already had a time then Ian is fuming, think that's better] Jimmy: [agreed because we know we're gonna do something to make the fwb awks on top of the flatwhites bs so his mood will be peak sick of Ian's shit] Janis: [gonna move her in so soon get over it sir] Jimmy: [alright in that vein how do you wanna do her trying to leave?] Janis: [like it clearly gets to tea time or something like that where she can be like, I'll leave you to it] Jimmy: [and he's like bit rude like it's all bants and she's a rich girl with fancy tastes and he's a poor boy who can't cook we know the drill] Janis: [and she's like don't be stupid 🙄 'cos gotta defend yourself even in bants] Jimmy: [and he's like now I'm thick as well, tah very much etc etc] Janis: ['just northern'] Jimmy: ['oi, keep taking my lines off me and what am I meant to say?' and a look that's nearly a LOOK because there's so much being unsaid and we all know it, them included] Janis: [mimes 🤐 but on his face not hers for closeness you simply do not need but clearly do] Jimmy: [picks her up which you're still not meant to do boy and puts her on the kitchen counter like you're staying that settles it] Janis: ['am I sous chef or the appetizer?'] Jimmy: [can't speak cos 🤐 but his 👀 are saying so much rn] Janis: [thinking he's being quiet 'cos the kids are like in the lounge or something so kinda like whooops 'dessert, maybe'] Jimmy: [still looking at her like are you gonna stay for that long because don't actually wanna say it in case she's like no] Janis: [shrugs like nbd 'no one's expecting me, like'] Jimmy: [releasing a breath you didn't know you were holding, like] Janis: [getting down off the counter like go on then, lemme help] Jimmy: [god knows what we're making but we're doing it together guys] Janis: [kissing his cheek 'cos he's cute] Jimmy: [properly kissing her because that made him die] Janis: [remember at calis in the kichen, a mood] Jimmy: [we should have one of the kids come in before they get too extra/the food is forgotten about entirely] Janis: [deffo] Jimmy: [who do you vote for cos very different vibes depending if it's Bobby or Cass lol] Janis: [we can be a bit mean and say its Cass] Jimmy: [LOL imagine her face just like don't mind me starving to death you two carry on] Janis: [not winning any points yet babe] Jimmy: [we know you will soon gal] Janis: what did your ex do? Jimmy: ? Janis: she must've done something to make your sister hate all of your 'gfs' that hard by default Janis: even if I am delaying her tea, like Jimmy: she did loads of things Janis: right Jimmy: @ either of them for the list Janis: you're alright Janis: not that nosy Jimmy: just 🤏 Jimmy: I get it Janis: 'course Janis: if the reason my parents hated you was worth telling I would, like Jimmy: community service ain't enough of a reason? Janis: 'course not Janis: not when you pretend you're still cool to prove you ever were Jimmy: 👎 Janis: what, you wanna go harder to be public enemy #1? Janis: 🙄😏 Jimmy: obviously Janis: you tryna displease my parents is just as weird as you tryna please 'em Janis: just pretend they don't exist, yeah Jimmy: spoilsport Janis: they ain't even in your age-range Janis: behave Jimmy: gutted about that an' all Janis: 🖕 Jimmy: 💕 Janis: gross, you Jimmy: Bill's gonna be well proud of that protest Jimmy: and your cool parents an' all Janis: piss off Janis: [😒 face] Jimmy: [hooray we can do the beloved pouty face lip thing when he of course kisses her rn oh how I've missed it] Janis: [likewise 'cos loves that so much] Jimmy: [I think it's the first time and I'm fine about it] Janis: [in that case, she's so not, forgetting you just got shaded about being extra so hard] Jimmy: [soz not soz Cass] Janis: ['you know-' being quiet enough that hopefully you aren't disturbing everyone rn '-you know how much I want you' is that a question or a statement, we love being vague] Jimmy: [there's no way he's being quiet enough if he doesn't kiss her really hard rn deal with it everyone he doesn't wanna take care of y'all he wants to be 15 and extra] Janis: [let this boy live] Jimmy: [we're living in this kitchen atm though] Janis: [gotta be up against the door like soz no one come in rn] Jimmy: [give them all the moments thank you cos there's no stopping this and we aren't sorry about it] Janis: [y'all will be fine, they won't] Jimmy: [exactly] Janis: ['I need you' 'cos close as you're allowed to get rn ty] Jimmy: [likewise say her name in response cos that's all I'm letting you say] Janis: [all ready for this trip] Jimmy: [gonna be hilarious for us but not for you] Janis: [so, let's do a flatwhite cringe checklist lol, one of them, probably Asia, needs to be schwasted and get WELL lost, like maybe her mans does show halfway through the night and is like where is she and they're like ??? and then it's dramaaaa] Jimmy: [that's a really good idea] Jimmy: [I think Grace should be the one who hooks up with a lad and then they can't get rid of him and his gaggle of mates because that'd annoy Mia so much which she swore to Janis she would do but also something she would do because Ella called her fat and Hollie should sleep with one of the others but not remember which one it is like we said] Janis: [I vibe that, oh Hollie, hmm what else, one of them needs to freak out in the crowd and have to get pulled out, that's v cringe, like it's hardly a moshpit ladies] Jimmy: [I was literally gonna say someone should go to the first aid tent for no real reason because same vibe] Jimmy: [Ella should be the crowd freaker outer because she probably doesn't like to be touched and Mia should go to the first aid tent like nearly as soon as they get there because gotta pull focus and phone her daddy for that attention she's not getting from her squad rn] Janis: [approved, what a holy show, ladies, plus if Mia does that it'd be a way to force them into a truce without them realizing like omg are you okay and all taking care of her she don't need] Jimmy: [yeah exactly what a snek and it gives her an excuse to cry over the fact Harry ain't coming without them knowing that's why like she's not upset she's just so ill okay] Janis: [obviously they'll all get white girl wasted and embarrassing with that] Jimmy: [good lord yes that's a given at least when JJ get drunk they embarrass themselves with how much they secretly love each other, state of that lot honestly] Janis: [seriously, if it's a small festival maybe the lads they hook up with are in one of the bands 'cos that'd be annoying thinking they're like famous and it's like you aren't though and you were probably shite] Jimmy: [yaaaas I love that] Jimmy: [I also vote that the weather is really crap cos JJ won't care but they would cos their hair and their lewks] Janis: ['cos it always is and you have to roll with it but they apparently didn't get the memo lol] Jimmy: [Hollie the only one vaguely appropriately dressed for festival life] Janis: [it's funny 'cos festival fashion is meant to be so effortless and none of them can ever like they'll look so try-hard and their age 'cos younger girls are like that at raves and shit too like you gotta hang] Jimmy: [mhmm so mad cos Janis looks fire whenever aren't you Mia] Janis: [their posh girl lewks, oh lord] Jimmy: [I just imagine Mia's dad being slightly weird about getting updates throughout the weekend cos he's that cringey and near incesty] Janis: [deffo, when you're in a relationship with your dad, like how's golf, how's the lads, eurgh] Jimmy: [honestly though just having that husband and wife style convo nbd] Janis: [that's why you mad he cheating on your ma, don't lie] Jimmy: [the tea, girls that are older than you but still far too young for him and everything you wish you were] Janis: [he's not even fit it's so sad and gross] Jimmy: [no happy ending for you hun] Janis: [so we've got a good idea for them, what do we wanna do with the fwb moment?] Jimmy: [I wanna fuck it up cos I'm evil but I'm not sure how yet] Janis: [hmm, let's think]

[planetanonsmile]

Hihi!!! :333 Hru are you good now? saw you was like upset last night, but that strawberry lady helped yeah?? are you chill now? do you need owt? love you remember <33

good mroning children (im prolly youndger than most of u) i have returned from a cold hard day in the mines (family day out) i am riddled with dieseases now (am eepy) so i may not survive the winter (its the height of summer)

[iggy-666]

we Chilling the Fuck owt

[sheepsandcattle]

Chapter 16

There’s a week in August that Jordan books off work so Curly can stay with him for a while. They never argue or even bicker (too new to it all to feel the need to) but he’s still not taking drugs when he’s at J’s house if he can help it and withdrawals make him cranky at the best of times.

He’s already feeling said withdrawals one night, when Jeff lets it slip.

“I just can’t believe how fast you got rid of him,” he says, and Curly thinks he sounds impressed. He tries not to pay too much attention though because they’ve been on about Rhys for a bit now and he’s so bloody sick of hearing about it.

But then Jeff adds, “don’t get me wrong, I mean, good for you man, but I remember when the four of us went to Feral. He was still living with you, right? Remember he threw that fit because you were out with Curls until—”

J just hums, specifically not looking in Curly’s direction as he interrupts his friend. That was The Night. That was when Jordan asked Curly out, and he was still living with some other bloke.

Curly keeps his mouth shut because nobody knows about them still. They’re still a secret. Exciting and sneaky and all that bollocks.

He stays quiet until they get back into J’s newest temporary car where, after a short silence, he leans over to turn the music down and says, “so you were still with Rhys when you asked me out, then?”

“Hm?” Jordan acts like the question’s taken him completely off-guard; like it’s come out of absolutely nowhere. “I mean, barely.” He gives a short laugh as he keeps his eyes on the road ahead.

“You were still living with him and you asked me out.” J doesn’t respond. “Were you ‘living’ with him when we went to Beverley’s?”

“No. No, Curly. God. I mean… Yeah, he lived with me, but I ended it for good on the night we were at the bar. He just didn’t have a place to stay.”

“Were you ever going to say owt?”

Curly has a banging headache. He’s been breaking out in sweats all day and his whole body aches and this is exactly what he doesn’t need.

“Say what?” He’s not sure why cocky, confident, unfiltered Jordan has reduced himself to playing dumb. Actually, he’s got some idea.

“Is that what you do? Move blokes in with you until someone else takes your fancy?”

“N—“

“I bet you were fucking gutted when you realised I wasn’t putting out for you,” he pushes.

“Woah, hey, chill out, alright? It wasn’t like that. You know it ain’t like that.”

“I know fuck-all, apparently.”

Curly just can’t stop thinking about J trying to kiss him in the car and whether or not that’s all it was ever really meant to be - at first, at least. It makes him feel embarrassed and stupid and small. He wonders if Rhys gave him a good hiding for being home late on that night, too.

“Curls, we were on the outs. He was gonna move out anyway, jus’ not so soon. I told him that night he had the weekend to figure it out, a’right? Because I liked you, and even if I didn’t know where we were going, I didn’t wanna still have him at my place when I—“

“When you were trying to get me into bed?”

“What? No. Why are you—“

“So you spoke to me at the bar, went home, told your boyfriend he needed to leave, and—“

“He wasn’t my boyfriend then! He was already leaving in a matter of weeks! I just— Fuck, Curly, quit bustin’ my fuckin’ balls. This ain’t like you.”

“Just hope you got a last shag in before he left, cause it’s been— ‘ow long now?”

J decides not to answer, probably reckons it’s for the best, but then Curly adds, “well,” just to test him.

“Curls, I stopped fuckin’ around with him the second we got serious,” which was the absolute worst thing he could possibly have said, because next is a whole new argument about when exactly that was.

The argument is painfully unconstructive. By the time they get back to J’s flat, Curly’s pure fuming because now he knows that Jordan and Rhys met up twice (fucking twice) after their date.

They walk into the apartment in silence though, because they’ve exhausted themselves by then - or, Curly has exhausted both of them and Jordan’s dug himself so deep he’s stopped trying to dig himself out.

He doesn’t go back to his own place, but the rest of the evening is strained and awkward. J jumps from keeping his distance to suffocating Curly with sweetness but it’s not bloody working.

When they go to sleep, things are still tense, and at 3am Curly’s heaving into the toilet and shaking violently from head to toe.

Jordan promises that “it’ll be fine if you let it pass,” because argument or not, he’s seen it all before and he insists it’s not his fault. Curly just feels patronised and simplified, which never happens with J but he’s sick of him acting like he knows what’s going on as if he can read Curly’s bloody mind.

So now Curly’s physically withdrawing and he’s irritable and panicking and doesn’t know how he feels about the sort-of-secret he’s discovered which all translates to ‘MAD!’ in his brain.

“I can’t be arsed with this anymore,” he spits when he finally has it in him to stand. He shoves past Jordan, cutting back through to the bedroom and grabs for his belongings which he shoves into his bag with one hand as the other reaches for his phone. “You're doing my head in.”

“Oh get a grip, Curly. I’m tryna help, just— What are you doing?”

“Leaving. I’m sick of it.”

“Sick of what?” Jordan’s stood with his arms crossed over his chest beside the door. He’s not trying to stop him but Curly recons it’s less about him not caring and more about him being cocky enough to think Curly is only bluffing.

“You make me feel this big,” he snaps, holding up his hand as he almost-pinches his fingers. “I’m sick of it. I’m sick of feeling so bloody small and of you turning your nose up and… Babying me.”

So he’s talking some shit, maybe, but he’s mad and needs more reason to be so, so it can all feel justified — and it does feel justified. He just can’t figure out why. Jordan just doesn’t feel genuine anymore and he’s sick of feeling like he’s being picked up and controlled without even bloody knowing it.

“I’m helping you. God knows nobody else is.”

“Well, I don’t fucking want it!”

“If you go home it’ll get worse, you can’t— You don’t have control over this anymore and you know it, Curly.” Jordan crosses the room but it’s not to stop him, but instead to grab his glasses from the side, which he puts on as he leaves the room again, so fucking casual and unfazed. Is it denial or ignorance? From the lounge, he calls, “you’re not yourself right now. Just lay down and I’ll—“

“Oh do me a fucking favour, Jordan!” He's not crying necessarily (for once, he isn’t bloody crying) but his breathing is right off and his voice cracks when he shouts back: “That’s all anyone bloody says anymore: you’re not yourself. Nobody ‘ere knows who I am; that’s the problem! Don’t—“

“Hello?” Jules sounds tired and puzzled through the phone and, honestly, it had been ringing for so long that Curly had forgotten he was calling him, even with the device pressed to his ear.

“—Can you pick me up?”

Jordan must finally snap out of whatever daze he’s in because Curly hears a door slam and a glass shatter in the other room.

***

Within thirty minutes, Jules texts to say he’s parked up outside - probably in some car that he’s not insured on that Curly’s never seen before.

As he leaves the apartment, Curly hears Jordan shout, “he’s the one that got you into this mess,” but he never even bothers to follow him out; never even leaves the kitchen as Curly slips through the lounge and out of the door.

He trips over his laces on his way down the steps but descends them so fast that he’s caught himself before he even realises he’s falling. His bag’s open and his jacket’s over his arm rather than on his back but when he finally gets to the car and drops into the passenger seat, Jules just tuts calmly and says, “how did you get into this mess,” as he pulls away from the curb.

***

It was one of those things that he knew he was asking for but thought he’d dodged. Even as he took hits to avoid migraines and nausea, and told Jordan he couldn’t stay with him for more than a night or two at the very most, he thought he was just… Teetering on the edge of dependency.

He has a hit that night (morning) and calls Jordan telling him never to contact him again. Jules recons it’s for the best because he felt like he was losing one of his best friends.

Curly thinks, ‘yeah. Yeah, I was losing myself, wasn’t I?’

Jordan doesn’t even put up a fight. He says, “whatever, have it your way,” and is the one to end the call.

His mum says a similar thing the next day when he shows up twenty minutes late for dinner. He’s in no fit state to drive and walks to her house instead. She takes one look at him and just sort of… Knows.

She says, “either come in and stay until you're sober so you can apologise to Dom—” he forgot dinner was for Dom’s birthday, “—or you can leave now and come back when you’re clean.”

He doesn’t know how she knows, or for how long. He thought he was playing it off pretty well, but he’s too busy trying to prop the plant pot that he’d knocked over back up on the porch to give it much thought.

Curly says, “I can look after myself,” as he backs away from the house, jaw twitching, and she says, “suit yourself,” and shuts him out without hesitation.

He shouts a few obscenities through the closed door but by the time he’s out of breath, he can’t even remember half of it.

***

“You know,” Oz breathes, smiling at the backs of his eyelids although his head is tilted in Curly’s direction. “It’s actually good to have you back.”

The flat’s freezing again and the window by the cabinet won’t close properly. Doesn’t really matter though ‘cause, if things go his way, he’ll be half-numb soon enough anyway, and Oscar’s clearly already there; head lulled against the back of the sofa as he melts into it; the picture of bliss.

He smiles as he pulls his feet up onto the sofa and turns to look back at his mate. “Yeah? Why d’you seem so shocked? Didn’t think you’d miss me?”

His flatmate chuckles, shaking his head as he does. His eyes open then, darting to find Curly’s and he’s squinting as he asks, “where’d you go?”

Gaze still on Oscar and knees bent near his chest, Curly shrugs as he gives himself time to think.

He’s learnt that he’s allowed to do that; stop and think before he speaks rather than saying the first daft thing that comes to mind for the sake of dodging an awkward silence. He says, “can’t remember,” though, because it’s the truth.

It’s clearly not his geographical location they’re talking about here (even when he was home, his mates were asking where his head was at) but that makes the questions neither easier or harder to answer.

“M’back now, though. Back to square one,” and Oscar is still smiling even though Curly isn’t anymore, so he must think that it’s a good thing.

Maybe he’s right.