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jokeroutsubs · 5 months ago

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🎈🍰Nace Birthday Special🍰🎈

Nace Jordan's interview for Suzy magazine, published 14.06.2024. English translation by drumbeat and @beeoftheanxieties, proof read by TWT klamstrakur.

📝ENG Translation: Joker Out's Nace Jordan: 60 Kilograms to Happiness

Twenty-nine-year-old Nace Jordan is considered one of the most emotional, thoughtful, and responsible Slovenian musicians.

CAPTION: He’s spreading tolerance and respect to everyone.

He was the last one to join the group of four highly admired young men, but that doesn't mean he's the fifth or the spare wheel. His inspiring story makes him a great role model for teenagers, showing that working on yourself is worthwhile, because you never know when an extraordinary opportunity will come your way. After making a major change in his lifestyle, he got rid of past burdens to focus on a bright, melodic future. With the loving support of his girlfriend, the first signs of a family are already visible. They've been joined by Pino, an adorable dachshund, who brought new responsibilities and lots of joy.

CAPTION: Joker Out gained a first-class member with Nace.

INTERVIEWER: How quickly did you feel accepted as fully fledged member, considering you were not a co-founder of Joker Out?

Nace: Initially it might have appeared as if I instantly took on the role of bass guitarist with confidence, although deep down I was quite confused. The guys already had their banter, even a kind of a jargon I didn't feel familiar with. They are after all five years younger than me, almost a different generation. But they have welcomed me in a very embracing way, we have started to develop a communal story and we have become a unit. Even after we had recorded 'Carpe Diem' and I was offered a permanent place in the band, I was still haunted by the feeling that I might not be perceived easily as a part of the band by the most devoted fans.

Was Eurovision your ultimate test?

Sort of. I was told I aced it, and as a fill-in member, it made me happy when the decision to welcome me into the family was final. The whole idea was to first try and see how compatible we were, without any pressure or expectations. On stage, it was obvious that we were a perfect match. But I tended to hold back when it came to the bigger decisions. Bojan is, after all, the frontman, the dominant one, so I didn't want to interfere with the pre-established dynamics. It was only after the Eurovision euphoria was over that a new era began and with it the most precious gift - the appreciation of the entire group. They are exceptional young individuals, extremely talented, and they wanted someone who could feel their vibe and bring them together, not tear them apart.

This opportunity has come as a reward for your challenging personal journey, a tremendous transformation of body and spirit. How has this affected your self-image?

I am still trying to work on myself. I have lost 60 kilos and broken free from the shackles of a troubled adolescence, when the slightest deviation from the average is frowned upon. It is unimaginable that you can lose so many kilograms, one whole person. It was gradual. After the first ten, you are overcome with excitement. Your reflection in the mirror gets nicer by the week, you gain confidence in yourself and see that it is not difficult to follow your goal. I gained an unstoppable will to keep going, and the most extraordinary things started to happen. I got to play in the backing band of the popular show ' V petek zvečer' ('Friday Night'), and then realised a childhood dream when I managed to join a band as skillful as the Jokers. A time came when I walked around with a huge smile on my face and I hoped that it would not fade from my face for a long time to come. At the same time, I was driven to give it my best shot, because I simply couldn't let this opportunity slip away.

You have used the dark times of COVID for something bright, inspirational. When did you decide you were tired of living in a bigger body?

The stomach pains were the first indicator that I had to roll up my sleeves and work on myself. I had always been chubbier, but I got saved by my height because the kilograms were evenly spread. I was able to exercise, go hiking, [and] be active in water sports, particularly wakeboarding. I wasn't immune to the looks of naysayers, that someone with so much weight could move so capably. I had reached a point where I no longer felt comfortable. I didn't like myself, the walks were getting more and more exhausting, I didn't have a girlfriend for a while, which was a big motivation to change my lifestyle. At the beginning, I was embarrassed to work out in front of others. Would they be thinking, 'What is this fatso doing here now'? So at home I would climb up and down the stairs from the basement to the attic. For half a year, every evening. First for 15 minutes, then I progressed to 45. It seemed like a waste to ruin this effort with unhealthy food, so I changed my diet. I eliminated all the guilty pleasures and after the first 20 lost, I decided I was ready to train outdoors. By running. It might not have been the smartest idea because of my knees, but it all worked out well in the end. Something that I resented for a long time became my norm. To this day, I still enjoy putting on my running shoes to clear my mind. Whenever my mind is in a frenzy, running saves me.

Humans are really odd, shallow creatures. We can't see what's underneath the excess weight. It was only after you have transformed that the requests for more collaborations started coming in. How did you manage to heal these emotional scars from the entertainment business, where the physical appearance still takes precedence over the heart?

That's the hardest part, not to lose faith in yourself. You question your self worth because of the labels the public has stuck on you. Of course, the medical aspect of excess weight is the first signal for a radical change. The results would be significantly better, if people around us were more sparse with negative comments and dismissive attitudes towards anything that is not to their liking. I must confess that I have never felt better than I did after saying goodbye to cigarettes, alcohol, and, for a period, even meat. Imagine you are carrying a 60 kilogram backpack. And then you put it down. A different world opens up.

In all this, music has been your most faithful companion and supporter. Would it have been possible to go through all this without it?

The power of art is amazing. The bass guitar is my lifelong love. Even if I was a butcher or a carpenter, I would play and create for myself. We are used to these kind of stories in the movies, where after a difficult ordeal you find yourself in the midst of your teenage dreams. After the third concert with the Jokers, a girl came up to me and confided that she was contemplating suicide, but our songs had saved her. She thanked us for taking the time for our fans and talking to them. Their honesty is a sign that you are part of something great. The power of music goes beyond the limits of our imagination. There are countless similar confessions. This realisation is also therapeutic for us. You receive confirmation that you are doing something right.

Have you ever wondered why you play music at all?

Many times. The doubts of who will listen to my work, or now our work, are a constant in the career of a professional musician. But if you put your heart first, you quickly get the confirmation that we are not just pretty boys on stage, but individuals with depth and a message.

As a teenager, what motivated you to follow your aspirations?

I wanted to be like my cousin. He is five years older than me and he had his own band. He introduced me to foreign bands, like Led Zeppelin. It sounded rather innocent, but it was the start of a profound passion. Recently, Jan, the guitarist, and I were talking about the role models who have defined us. I told him that there must be an aspiring young teenager in Slovenia who looks up to him and has begun strumming the strings because of him. I am convinced that we have brought a breath of fresh air to the local scene and given a boost to young bands who are not yet established. It is very healthy to encourage others, to be each other's support and competition. I didn't feel that before.

When did you first feel that the stage was your everything?

We had a kind of talent show at the school camp. I wanted to sing the ballad 'Behind Blue Eyes' by The Who, but the teacher wouldn't let me because it wasn't an appropriate song. I cried with sadness, so she mellowed down. I took advantage of her faith, put on my sunglasses and a headscarf. That's when something stirred inside of me. Finally, now that we are touring Europe and are excited to discover how the power of music brings people together, I am calmed. Even as a kid I stood my ground and I am grateful to my stubbornness for getting me this far.

You have a strong bond with your mother. How does she keep track of your exceptional progress?

She is proud to say that she is my biggest 'fan'. She was happiest at Eurovision, which she has always followed. It was the first time she was able to experience it live, she and Bojan's mum cheered loudly and I have to admit that it's the greatest thing to be able to make the most important woman in your life happy. It has only strengthened our bond. We have a trusting, friend-like relationship, but first and foremost she is my mum, with all the worries and all the loving helpfulness. I was not a typical child and she had to endure all my whims. She was constantly encouraging me to take up a sport, but I preferred to stay at home and draw. She tolerated my struggles at school because she knew I wasn't like the others and allowed me to develop to my full potential. My younger sister is also responsible for making me who I am. Her kind words are a balm for a wounded soul.

Have you always wanted to be a musician?

As a child, I had two things in mind - to be a zoo manager, because I love animals, and to be a singer, even though I later swapped the microphone for a guitar. Sculpting fascinated me. In short, expression through art.

Your love for animals has lasted. You have a three-month-old dachshund named Pino in your lap.

Finally! I've been longing for a puppy for so many years, and dachshunds are one of my favourite breeds. If music hadn't drawn me in, I would certainly be a vet. One summer break I was helping out at a wildlife sanctuary instead of playing with my friends. It was a wonderful experience.

You are away from home a lot. How do you maintain your long-distance relationship with your girlfriend?

Some people reassure us that technology helps because we can see each other through the camera. But it is not the same. It's important that all my loved ones and dear ones, meaning my girlfriend, my mum, my family, and my friends, believe in our work and are willing to sacrifice time with me so that I can follow my dreams. But we are in constant contact with each other and we let each other know how much we love each other all the time.

~ -~ - ~ - PLEASE DO NOT REPOST, AND IF YOU QUOTE, PLEASE LINK BACK TO THE ORIGINAL POST!

#nace jordan #jokeroutsubs #joker out #birthday special

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alleycatchitchat · 9 months ago

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Kung Fu Panda 4 Initial Reactions

Just got back from the theater! Here are my thoughts. I'll try to be vague about the plot, but be warned: spoilers below.

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So I went into the theater with rock-bottom spirits. I had seen the cringeworthy previews, read the disheartening reviews, connected the unsatisfactory dots and concluded that the movie I was about to see would be a nasty dumpster fire of a train wreck. And yet kfp played such a big role in my childhood that I couldn't just stay away. Filled with dread and morbid curiosity, I braced myself for the worst.

And it wasn't that bad.

Don't get me wrong; this movie made some decisions that I HUGELY disagree with. And compared to the other kfp movies, it's undeniably lousy. But it didn't ruin the franchise for me and I actually enjoyed myself in the theater.

Listing off my thoughts in no particular order:

Zhen. She is, to my surprise, a lot less irritating that I expected. The trailers don't do her justice and Awkwafina's voice was a whole lot less jarring than I expected. In terms of actual personality and even backstory, I liked her! However. Let's be honest, her design is shit. She looks like someone's Zootopia self-insert. She feels totally out of place in this movie -- particularly, during the end credits when she's side-by-side with the five (who all have the most beautiful stylized designs). Also, plotwise, WHAT is she doing in this film? Spoiler alert: she becomes the new dragon warrior. Spoiler alert again: yes, this is every bit as random and undeserved as you can imagine.

Furious Five: Were not in the movie. First of all, fuck you dreamworks, how dare you withold my children? My darlings? The loves of my life? Their absence is keenly felt and the plot is emptier without them, and I mean that with complete sincerity. I’m also going to point out the obvious; if there has to be a new Dragon Warrior, and I’m not saying that’s a good plot idea, but if there has to be, it should be Tigress. It makes the most sense thematically and the possibilities are just so good – developing her relationship with Po as he provides guidance, facing her feelings of inadequacy, exploring her connections with Shifu and the rest of the five — I could go on and on. The wasted potential is breathtaking. To be honest, it kinda feels like Zhen was written to replace her(using a hug to de-escalate a fight with Po, anyone?). Fanfic writers, I need a rewrite of this movie with Tigress, stat.

TAI LUNG! He was obviously played for nostalgia and there was no concrete point to his lines or presence. He was also written, if you ask me, pretty out of character. I’m still fuming over the fact that they brought him back and we don’t get to see Shifu’s reaction at all. Again, the wasted potential is breathtaking. When compared with Kai and Shen, who have NO speaking lines, it’s obvious that dreamworks just didn’t want to pay for extra actors. I thought that his acceptance of Po as the Dragon Warrior at the end was super cool, but there was NO lead up, NO meaningful character development to make this feel sincere, and again, it would have hit much harder if Tigress or Shifu were also there or if Po was NOT giving up the title. That being said, I never thought he would appear in a movie again, and I’m happy to have any crumbs I can get. They did a bad job, yes, but they BROUGHT HIM BACK.

Po’s dads! Their side story was goofy and unnecessary but fun, and I enjoyed it. Also maybe it’s just me but the romantic tension between them is AMPED UP – does Li, like, live at the restaurant now? And they spend the movie acting like the most married couple ever. And when Li bursts into the tavern to rescue Mr. Ping, who looks at him with those starstruck eyes – well. I’m just saying. I think there’s something going on there.

I liked the Chameleon! Yeah, her whole gimmick is a little bit ripped off from Kai, but she’s sinister and greedy and badass, so she’s the real deal. I actually thought she was scarier than previous villains – there was less comic relief, maybe? I can only think of one instance where she’s presented in a comedic light, and even then, the tension just picked right up from where it left off. Which is strange, because the rest of the movie is a lot more lighthearted than previous films.

The pacing was weird. Too fast.

Shifu was cute in this movie. More Shifu please!

The reaction to Tai Lung’s return was WEIRD. It’s obvious Dreamworks didn’t want to dedicate time or effort to what was, essentially, a red herring. But. Plot-wise, it’s SO WEIRD that Po would try to face him with no backup. And the fact that we didn’t get to see Shifu’s reaction AT ALL, ugh. Realistically speaking I think Shifu would try to go face Tai Lung, no matter how “inner peace”-y he is now. Like come on, Tai Lung was his son, for crying out loud!

The goats at the start? Also weird designs. Feel out of place.

Mantis got married! What the heck? (neutral about this, but it was definitely unexpected.)

In general, the plot was weird. It didn’t feel meaningful and it didn’t quite fit in with the rest of the kfp universe. Storytelling decisions were just plain bad. But as a standalone movie, it was not… terrible. Not irredeemable. I think, if Tigress had taken Zhen’s place, this could have actually worked. But she didn’t, and it didn’t.

So I’m going to headcanon it as fake and just stick to loving the first 3 movies. I don’t regret watching it, but there were huge problems that prevented me from enjoying it to its full potential.

#I am seriously considering rewriting this movie with Tigress as the new dragon warrior. my babygirl deserves justice.#kung fu panda #kung fu panda 4 #kfp #kfp 4 #kung fu panda spoilers #kung fu panda 4 spoilers #kfp 4 spoilers #kfp tai lung #kfp po #kfp zhen #kfp chameleon #the furious five

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mzannthropy · 1 year ago

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Sam Claflin + well developed female characters

I once posted a list of Sam's female-directed films [x], but as @jesstasticvoyage points out, it's also true that a lot of stuff he stars in features well developed female characters (I'm kinda tired of the "strong female character" phrase, so using this one instead). So, let's have a look at them.

The Hunger Games series (dir Francis Lawrence) - still the most obvious example for Sam as a role he's known for, and the purpose of this post. It's safe to say most people know Katniss Everdeen.

Their Finest (dir Lone Scherfig) - Gemma Arterton's character, Catrin, is an aspiring screenwriter hired to work on a script for a film about Dunkirk evacuation--this is a movie about a movie set during WW2. Sam is a fellow writer, in fact he is the one who discovered her. It's funny bc this takes place in 1940s and she gets the job of writing female characters, when even in our times we don't always have that. Worth noting is also Rachael Stirling's Phyl, a minor character but memorable and a lesbian--who doesn't die at the end. It's the straight relationship that gets treated like bury your gays trope this time!

The Nightingale (dir Jennifer Kent) - also known as the film in which Sam plays an absolute monster (you think Billy Dunne is bad, lol). The film centres on young convict Claire (Aisling Franciosi) seeking revenge for the indescribable harm done to her family. Basically, trigger warning for everything.

My Cousin Rachel (dir Roger Michell) - adaptation of Daphne du Maurier's novel. Sam plays Philip, the narrator, but Rachel is so intriguing, the whole story is named for her. She's played by her namesake, Rachel Weisz. There's also Louise (Holliday Granger), Philip's childhood friend. She's the relatable, girl next door type, but she is smart, in fact I think she is the one with the most braincells. (Also I have a theory about her, I think this version of Louise has a darker side!)

Enola Holmes (dir Harry Bradbeer) - title speaks for itself. Enola's mother is missing and the teenage heroine goes on a quest to find her and thus becomes a detective herself. Sam plays Mycroft, the eldest Holmes sibling, though he's far removed from the original Mycroft Holmes of Arthur Conan Doyle's books. Edith, who runs a teashop, is another notable female character.

Adrift (dir Baltasar Kormakur) - based on a true story of Tami Oldham, an amateur sailor, surviving 41 days adrift on the Pacific Ocean after a hurricane. Sam plays her bf Richard. Shailene Woodley has the role of Tami and is also the film's producer.

Riot Club (dir Lone Scherfig) - okay so what's this doing here, you ask, it's a film about an all-male elite club at Oxford. Yes but that's exactly the point, bc even though it is about an all male club, the female characters are surprisingly well developed. The play this is adapted from, Posh, was written by Laura Wade and the director is also a woman, so maybe it's not so surprising. We have Holliday Granger who plays the gf of one of the boys and Jessica Brown Findlay in the role of the pub landlord's daughter. Holliday's character certainly doesn't take any shit from the posh boys. Even Natalie Dormer in the role of a sex worker has enough self-respect to refuse their deranged requests, despite the amount of money it would earn her. Hence I include it on the list.

Charlie's Angels (dir Elizabeth Banks) - title speaking for itself, yet again. Sam's role is relatively minor.

Book of Love (dir Analeine Cal y Mayor) - a romcom. When Maria, played by Veronica Echegui, translates Henry's (Sam) unsuccessful book from English to Spanish, the book becomes a huge hit in Mexico. Turns out that while translating, she inserted some seriously hot steamy scenes. Sam travels to Mexico for promotion and the two of them now have to work together on the next book. So without Maria, the story would not exist and also, once Henry accepts the situation, he is happy to collaborate with her--and at the end, supports her in her own writing efforts. (If you can get round the premise, it is an enjoyable film.)

Daisy Jones and the Six - mini series based on a book of the same name. We have not one, not two, not three, but four amazing ladies to root for: Daisy, Camila, Karen and Simone. While Sam gives performance of a lifetime as the band's frontman Billy Dunne.

Other Notes:

Honourable mentions are Snow White (Kristen Stewart) in Snow White and the Huntsman, a film I have a definite soft spot for though there's many ways it could have been better. In The Corrupted Sam plays a convict who just got out of prison and reunites with his gf and son. The gf is played by Naomi Ackie. She's wary at first but does allow him back into her life and they get back together and raise their son. Unsure if another one of my faves, Pirates of the Caribbean On Stranger Tides apply. Sam's romance with the mermaid Syrena is my absolute favourite of his. She might seem helpless for majority of her screentime, bc she gets captured, turns human on dry land and is unable to walk as she's not used to having legs, Philip (Sam's character) has to carry her. But she was the one who saved him first. And POTC overall is not without good female characters.

#sam claflin #samblogging #female characters

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ericmicael · 7 months ago

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THE THREE CHARACTERS WHO IN MY OPINION HAVE A GREAT CHANCE OF DIE IN "FROZEN 3" OR "FROZEN 4"

YELANA: The way Yelana was treated is perhaps one of my biggest disappointments in the Frozenverse, in fact the way all Northuldras were treated after "Frozen 2" is disappointing, but Yelana in particular was much more so. Honeymaren and Ryder were at least mentioned constantly and even had personality development and goals for the future explained in a mobile game, while Yelana had the most she had in flashbacks involving Iduna. As the leader of the last Northuldra Tribe, a human who has the most knowledge of magic and having known Anna and Elsa's mother as a child, it is a huge waste to say the least and one that I think will be repeated in the next films. They can argue that they're saving her for the films, but are they saving her name too? In “Polar Nights” sometimes I think Mari and Jenn forgot about her and that's why they only mention Honeymaren and Ryder as known tribe members. A great arc that I thought she could have is being the person who tells the stories of Iduna as a child as Mattias does involving the stories of Agnarr as a child, but with this reinforcement of Elsa's abilities to bring back memories stored in Ahtohallan I believe that this role for Yelana got lost. But the big reason I believe she is the character in the franchise who is most likely to die is precisely the other two named Northuldras: Honeymaren and Ryder. The Nattura brothers have a certain plot for the future of the franchise, if the franchise wants to look at them, as Elsa and Kristoff's companions respectively: Ryder will be Kristoff's human friend who is his age and is also a fan of reindeer, Honeymaren as it is very reinforced in these post-F2 materials, it could be Elsa's magic teacher, consultant on the forest and who knows something else. Honeymaren will pass on Yelana's knowledge and perhaps even take control of her tribe. In the "Frozen 2" art book, Honeymaren's great sense of leadership is reinforced, which is in fact presented in the film as she leads the attack battalion that ambushes the Arendelle group, but who knows, this description has a meaning beyond just a military one. Honeymaren and Ryder being linked to Elsa and Kristoff already guarantees a certain immunity for both characters, but Yelana is alone and the roles she could play have been discarded or are being guided to Honeymaren… Yelana is a disposable character unfortunately.

SVEN: this is the type of death possibility that the vast majority of the fandom will not believe is possible since we are talking about Disney, Sven is a popular character, a popular animal character and Disney would not have the courage to make children cry. And honestly just because it's Disney I don't believe in that possibility, but I still put it out there as a strong possibility because I want Disney to be brave. To begin with, I'll say that Sven's natural death is a good path to follow because it would be a great arc for Kristoff: Kristoff after "Frozen 2" is experiencing the greatest peak of his life, he's engaged to Anna who he dated for years, he has best friends and is even surrounded by reindeer. Kristoff is at the point in his life where he couldn't ask for anything more and then his best friend who he's known since childhood starts to show the problems of age. Maybe even Sven has a girlfriend (a reindeer friend of Ryder's) and kids. Kristoff, at the best moment of his life, thinking about his future fatherhood, ends up having to deal with Sven's goodbye. If Disney wants a mature arc for “Frozen 3” or “Frozen 4” this is a good arc, and it would also be a good arc for Kristoff without having to remove his parents from the grave creating a conflict with the Troll Family or him being again solely defined by his relationship with Anna (although his arc on the podcast is interesting it is also driven a bit by Anna as he is more tempted to become an industrialist to be someone worthy of marrying a queen).

AHTOHALLAN: is it a character? I consider that she is, yes, and a female character at that. Ahtohallan is the greatest current symbol of magic in the franchise's universe, the ultimate objective of “Frozen 2” present in legends and lullabies, but what if she is discovered by those who don't like magic? Hatred for magic and the industrial revolution are two of the big threat themes that I speculate for the next films (there is a third theme, but I won't talk about it now). With the opening of the gates of Arendelle and the revelation of Elsa's magic, I imagined that there would be more people thinking like Duke Weselton and in the end we were only introduced to Runeard's actions in the past, but as I said in the past, I imagine someone with the same thoughts now in the present seeing the Enchanted Forest open and the spirits free. If someone with the same thoughts as Runeard found out about the Enchanted Forest and Ahtohallan they would want to destroy the Fortress of Solitude, but to have a clear path they might attack the Enchanted Forest first to distract the spirits as they head towards the glacier (whereas ordinary ships as Agnarr and Iduna perished on the way, perhaps a certain technological touch would give the necessary strength for other vessels to cross the Dark Sea, and the attack on the Enchanted Forest could victimize Yelana). The destruction of Ahtohallan would be a huge blow to everyone and perhaps even have repercussions on the existence of magic and that's why I consider an end to the Fortress of Solitude possible... Although I don't believe it would be a definitive end since I believe Elsa can recreate her somehow.

BONUS

OLAF: this is perhaps the most speculated death in the fandom, but I still only included it as a bonus quote because I don't believe it. There are rumors, unconfirmed, that Josh Gad himself wanted Olaf to die definitively in “Frozen 2” and regardless of the veracity of the rumors, he was the only one from the main group who made a tweet with a certain air of farewell to the character. And a few months later he was the only one acting as the character again. Even if it's real that Josh Gad wanted an end to Olaf, I don't believe in an end to the snowman simply because it already happened in “Frozen 2”. Okay, it wasn't a definitive death, but are we going to repeat the same thing again just changing the ending? Serious? Even if Elsa loses her powers temporarily in “Frozen 3” or “Frozen 4”, perhaps with the destruction of Ahtohallan, I don't believe in Olaf's death because it would only be a repetition and I really don't want the likely last films in the franchise to just recycle old plots even if changing one thing or another to say they are different. So Josh Gad, if you can't stand Olaf anymore, I advise you to continue wiping your tears on the big pile of hundred dollar bills that Disney pays you to say a few sentences and tell a few jokes.

I mention the main cast because Alfred Molina/Agnarr in one of the first interviews after F2 said that he doubted he would return for a possible third film, and in parallel to this Rachel Matthews/Honeymaren is one of the most excited about returning to voice her character.

#frozen 2 #frozen 3 #frozen 4 #theories #yelana #northuldra #sven #ahtohallan #olaf

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stardust-in-my-mind-blog · 2 months ago

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third degree mother hunger

engage with the pain as a motive

I found these writings in one of my old small journals. I have a huge tub full of these things. God, I really have been writing like I'm running out of time. I have 17 of the bigger ones. I like the bigger ones because I can easily put the date on the pages, but this has no date. I didn't get good at dating them until I got to the bigger ones. I was obviously doing some shadow work on my mother wound. I can see this as the outside of the spiral of meaning, and can see where my understanding has deepened. I went after my mother wound first, because I was desperate not to become her. It used to be my biggest fear. I still struggle with my rage because I worry mine will become poisonous and venomous like hers. I really really used to hate her. Now I look at her like one of those inbred cats we used to have shitting in the yard. Twisted and ugly and sad. Like Golem.

My relationship with my mother was violent and enmeshed. She was my first biological love, and she betrayed me in so many ways. When you're bonded with who you're inherently scared of, it destroys the relationship template. I remember wanting to be like her as a child. I mostly remember being disgusted with her as a child, though, and imagining myself pushing her down a hill when she was old and in a wheelchair. It didn't feel good to think like that. At least my plan showed patience. I hid my abuse from everyone, especially myself. Betrayer blindness is still something I have to watch myself for, because I was programmed very young. Even now I will see myself having patterns of thoughts where I fear the consequences of how someone treats me if others should find out more than the pain of the mistreatment. This is undermined a lot of my efforts.

As a child we have to believe our mother is a good person. Nature protects us. That fucks you up with you're an adult. When someone else does something shamelessly, the shame has to do somewhere. Kids are very easy to shame, and even with all the work I've done I still carry so much of it. I get frustrated when I feel embarrassed about something, even though I know what that shame needs is compassion and kindness.

I was raised to be so aware of my mother's pain and her lost dreams. It's hard to remember the good things she did without bitterness. I still struggle with naming my own feelings and emotions without having to write them down or journal them. Enmeshment really makes it difficult to have an identity or to develop one. I still struggle with the relief I feel having a valid reason to have her out of my life. I was so happy I had a "real" reason. Even now my kids will talk about how they felt going there, the silent chaos and seething resentment. Being around my mother was so uncomfortable. Being the only person she showed so much violence to made it even more difficult to live as though things were fine. She'd ask me, over and over, when I visited, "Did you have a happy childhood?" and I'd find a way to answer positive without lying exactly. The truth? It was timeless suffering and loneliness where I knew any authentic expression of myself would be punished with some kind of physical or emotional pain. I was never a person. I was a ghost who had a role to play in skin. When the mother takes her daughter as her own confidante and vicarious image of herself, she instills inside her daughter's brain a psychological marriage. The daughter fulfills the role of the spouse. It makes someone profoundly sexually anorexic. I loved my father, and she hated it. She'd constantly tell me she wanted him to get cancer and die. She would punish me if I showed him too much love. She's scold me, saying, "You still call him Daddy, but you never call me Mommy. You just love him so much more than me even though I do everything for you." Abuse is pervasive in the way it can control the whole environment. Everyone would walk on eggshells not to set her off. When her mood changed it was so ugly and terrifying. Her face would get red and her eyes would glaze over and she'd yell and spit when she talked. She was a big woman, too, even though she was obsessed with fad diets. She had be on hydroxycut in high school. I still forget when I'm hungry because I was so used to starving myself. I never had much of a problem with weight, but I think she was most proud of my body when my gym teacher told her she was worried that I was wasting away. She was so harmful that the rest of the family would sacrifice their dignity, pride, and anything, especially me. If they could get her gaze on me they would all disappear. I was different. I knew the pain was going to come either way, so I learned how to get what I needed. I remember my dad telling me one time, "I know what you're going to do. You're going to piss her off so that she hurts you enough to feel guilty and go buy you a new dress." I remember shrugging, and thinking, "If it works, it works. The pain comes either way. Might as well get something out of it."

He also used to call me, "A little Dyanne." I think that was the most hurtful habit he had. The worst part was... he believed it. Even when he saw I wasn't. I think I'd laugh at him today as say, "I never became her, but you married her and never left. I did. I didn't become either of you."

It's a cold comfort, but it's what I have.

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denimbex1986 · 6 months ago

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'"All of Us" Strangers is much more layered and deeper than just being billed as an LGBTQ film, as it talks about everyday situations in a way that few people do in a way that's honest and poignant. Our spoiler-free review of Andrew Haigh's work.

This is not a criticism, but rather a recommendation, because it is difficult to find any fault in the fifth work of Andrew Haigh, whose most important and personal cinema it can be felt. Based on Jamada Taicsi's 1987 book Strangers , the film is much more than a simple adaptation, as such personal threads are interwoven from the threads of the director's own life that we are actually not getting a reworking, but an intimate confession.

According to the story, Adam (Andrew Scott) lives alone and lonely in a newly built apartment tower in the suburbs of London, works as a screenwriter and is about to start a new work of his own, in which he returns to the tragedy of his parents who died in a car accident in 1987 and his childhood trauma. In order to do this, he begins to take the train home to the small town where he lived until the age of 12, when the accident occurred, and regularly visits his home, which has not changed since the tragedy, and his parents, (Claire Foy and Jamie Bell), who appear as a vision as Adam knew them before the accident. . With the same looks and the same personality and mindset. The screenwriter goes home more and more and spends more and more time with the ghosts of his parents, he gets to know them more and more as people, while he also shares with them his anxieties, questions, and pains that continue to this day and also confesses his homosexuality to his parents.

At the same time, a young drunken man, Harry (Paul Mescal), appears at the door of his apartment one night - with whom the two of them live in that huge block of flats - and wants to invite himself to Adam for an evening together, who then resists him. Then, when Adam returns from his parents' on the first night, he runs into Harry in the elevator and thrusts his waist. A slowly building and amazingly deep, intimate relationship develops between the two men. While the developing emotional bond becomes closer and closer, the walls caused by years of suppression, trauma and inhibitions are increasingly breaking down for the two strangers.

A fleeting moment is just our earthly brilliance

As far as the love between a man and a woman unfolds in the Japanese author's original work from 1987, Andrew Haigh not only places the story in a Western context, but by incorporating his own life material into the work, he builds on the love relationship of two homosexual (more precisely, queer) men. If one could criticize the film, it would perhaps be that it portrays the traumas of experiencing and processing homosexuality from a narrow and privileged, intellectual-middle-class perspective, and despite the accuracy and detail of the film, it does not go far enough in terms of social issues, while with such depths, this dimension would also have deserved a place. (Though, of course, this is less the fault of All of Us Strangers than the mainstream film portrayal of otherness.)

What's more, Haigh's work also stands out from the mainstream in that here the LGBTQ theme does not appear as an often aimless, sweat-smelling and to-be-ticked device, as is typical of Hollywood mass films, but as an added value that adds to the story's message and the emotional for a shock effect that the film experience gradually builds up. Homosexuality does not play a central role in the film, but it shows the struggling process of processing grief and re-connecting with others, while looking for answers to questions through the perspective of an emerging man's love, how can a person reconnect after such a great loss, and accept the approach of others again , to love again, and how you experience hugs, kisses, sex.

On the other hand, the film is also a painful thought experiment about what it would be like if we could say goodbye to those who will never be with us in a dignified way, resolving all conflicts and unsewn threads, while we come to terms with each other, with who we have become and no longer weighs on our shoulders. the burden of the unbearable lightness of being.'

#All of Us Strangers #Andrew Haigh #LGBTQ #Andrew Scott #Paul Mescal #Taichi Yamada #Strangers #Claire Foy #Jamie Bell

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project1939 · 1 year ago

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Day 70- Film: The Lusty Men

Release date: October 24th, 1952.

Studio: RKO

Genre: Western

Director: Nicholas Ray

Producer: Jerry Wald, Norman Krasna

Actors: Susan Hayward, Robert Mitchum, Arthur Kennedy, Arthur Hunnicutt

Plot Summary: The injured legendary rodeo rider Jeff McCloud travels back to his hometown. Once there he meets a couple who are saving up to buy his childhood home and ranch. McCloud befriends them, and when Wes, the young man, shows interest in competing in rodeos, McCloud mentors him. The money Wes might make from rodeos could help him afford a ranch in months rather than years. But Wes’ wife Louise is sick with worry over her husband’s safety.

My Rating (out of five stars): **** 1/2

Wow! This movie kind of blindsided me- it was a great film. I wasn’t expecting it to be so good- it’s gotta be up there in the top tier of 1952 films I’ve seen so far. It’s not a masterpiece at the level of Ikiru or Singin’ in the Rain, but it’s in good company with Phone Call from a Stranger, Five Fingers, and Sudden Fear.

The Good:

Robert Mitchum. This is the first movie I’ve seen with him where I really fell under his charms. He looks so perfect in this kind of western- denim fits him like a glove. His stoic laconic demeanor works well here too, and with his extreme masculinity, you just completely buy him as a bull rider.

Arthur Kennedy. I’ve become a fan of his since the project started- everything I’ve seen him in is impressive. His versatility is considerable- in Bend of the River he played a hardened criminal, in The Girl in White he was a sensitive and scientific beau for June Allyson, in Rancho Notorious he was a man obsessed with vengeance, and in this he begins as idealistic, with an almost childlike hero-worship of Jeff, and becomes corrupted and jaded. There’s a reason he was cast in prominent roles in so many films in 1952.

Susan Hayward. She’s another actor I’ve developed an affection for during the project. This role requires a lot of skill- Louise could easily have become grating if not played well. She did a good job playing a woman with a hard protective shell. Yes, she can seem harsh, and at one point I was worried she might be being painted as a bad nagging wife, but it all comes from a place of fear. She grew up in abject poverty, constantly moving, with no consistency. She finally has a husband and some financial security, and she’s terrified of losing it. That motivates every single thing she does in the film.

The character Rosemary. She gave me Dora vibes- my love from Outlaw Women that I’m still pining for. She was a tough talkin’ tough livin’ gal, and I loved her.

Arthur Hunnicutt as Booker, the beat-up old timer with his war wounds from rodeoing. He’s a perfect character actor, constantly making us laugh with his tall tales.

This was a very interesting look at rodeo life- what your lifestyle would be if you were a bronc or bull rider. The people you camp with, the prize money offered, the danger involved, etc... It also gave me huge respect for the rodeo clowns who often become decoys for the bulls when they get out of control.

I loved loved loved that Hayward didn’t fall in love with Mitchum. The poster would lead you to believe otherwise... but even though Mitchum fell for her near the beginning of the movie, the only one she loved was her husband. That flipped all my expectations on their head, and I loved it.

No guns were even fired or used! I cannot tell you how much I loved that fact. Here we have a western with one of Hollywood’s most macho men, and he doesn’t even have a gun or use one! He finds an old piece of a gun at his childhood home, but it’s not even complete. One of my least favorite things about westerns is guns, so to go nearly two hours without them was not only heaven, but also very daring and interesting. Mitchum doesn't need a gun to prove his masculinity, riding a bull takes multitudes more courage.

The film continually defied my expectations. The two previous examples are big reasons why. The ending is something I also did not see coming.

The special effects with footage of real rodeo riders. There were some limitations that of course showed, but I thought it was effective.

The Bad:

There were some obvious painted sets a few times that distracted me.

The rushed ending. What happened wasn’t the problem for me, just how it was kind of rushed. Two huge incredibly consequential things happen, and they both felt too hurried. If the film had taken a bit more time to hit those emotional beats, it would have been more moving and satisfying, I believe.

#project1952 #1952 #project1952 day 70 #100 films of 1952 #200 films of 1952 #200 films of 1952 film 70

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primarycolorspreschool · 1 year ago

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Preschool Language Development: Building Strong Foundations

When it comes to laying the groundwork for a child's future, nothing is more critical than their early years. Among the many aspects of childhood development, language skills sit at the forefront. Language is not just a means of communication; it's a foundation upon which kids build their cognitive abilities, social interactions, and, eventually, their educational progress. For parents, seeking the best environment for their child's language development can be quite a journey. The role of preschools in Covington LA, and everywhere else can be vital in shaping a young child's language abilities and, thus, their future. In this article, we will explore how preschools contribute to children's language development, helping them build strong foundations that last a lifetime.

The Role of Teachers

Preschool teachers play a huge part in a child's language journey. They use a variety of methods to teach kids new words and improve their language skills. For example, they may use storytelling, interactive games, and songs to make the learning process engaging. With their specialized training, teachers understand the pace at which children should develop language skills and offer personalized attention accordingly. Teachers are like language guides, helping children explore the world of words. Their daily interactions with the kids make a big difference in how quickly language skills grow.

Learning Through Play

Playtime isn't just fun; it's also a critical aspect of learning. When children play with each other, they communicate, learn new words, and put sentences together. They learn how to ask questions, negotiate with friends, and understand the rules of conversation. Through games and activities, children naturally develop their language skills without even realizing it.

Vocabulary Building

One of the most tangible outcomes of preschool is vocabulary expansion. New words are introduced in various settings—during lessons, storytelling sessions, and outdoor activities. Children also learn to use words contextually, giving them a clearer understanding and aiding memory retention. With a broad vocabulary, children can express themselves better and navigate their world more effectively. More words mean more ways to connect with the world.

Interactive Storytelling

Storytelling is not just about hearing a story; it's an interactive activity. Teachers often use facial expressions, gestures, and voice modulation to convey meanings. Children learn to pick up these nuances, aiding their comprehension skills. Additionally, storytelling sessions often involve children asking and answering questions, further enhancing their language capabilities. It's like being in a live theater where every expression counts. Kids become part of the story, making them more eager to understand and use new words.

Emotional Language

Emotions are tricky to explain, especially for young children who might not yet have the vocabulary for feelings like frustration, excitement, or disappointment. Preschools teach kids the language of emotions, helping them articulate their feelings. This emotional literacy is not just good for mental health; it's a crucial part of social interactions. Learning to talk about feelings is like unlocking a secret door to better friendships and happier days. It's a skill that makes both talking and listening more meaningful.

Conclusion

Language skills are not developed in isolation; they are shaped by an ecosystem that involves teachers, parents, and peers. Quality preschools can be instrumental in offering an environment that's rich in language learning opportunities. As you consider your options, especially if you're looking at preschools in Mandeville LA, it's essential to choose a place that places a high value on language development. Primary Colors Preschool stands out as a preschool that not only focuses on academic milestones but also aims to build strong language foundations that will serve your child well for the rest of their lives. For further details, you can visit them at : Primarycolorspreschool.com.

FAQs

What are the key language milestones that preschoolers typically achieve?

Preschoolers typically achieve several important language milestones. They begin to expand their vocabulary, acquiring new words at a rapid pace. Their sentences become more complex and grammatically correct as they learn to structure thoughts and ideas. Storytelling skills develop, enabling them to create narratives with a beginning, middle, and end.

How can preschools adapt language development strategies for children with diverse linguistic backgrounds?

Preschools can adapt language development strategies to cater to children with diverse linguistic backgrounds by embracing inclusivity and employing diverse approaches. They support bilingualism, encouraging children to maintain and develop proficiency in their home language alongside the dominant language. Visual aids, gestures, and body language are employed to facilitate understanding, especially when language barriers exist.

How can educators identify and support children who may need additional help with language development in preschool?

Educators can identify and support children who may require extra help with language development through a multi-faceted approach. They conduct assessments using standardized tools and observations to evaluate a child's language skills and identify areas of concern. Collaborating with specialists, such as speech-language pathologists, allows educators to provide targeted interventions tailored to each child's needs and goals.

#mandeville summer camps #daycares in mandeville la #daycares in slidell la #covington daycare

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angellolarose · 1 year ago

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[Vivre magazine - 1952]

💎 𝕀𝕥'𝕤 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕝𝕚𝕘𝕙𝕥𝕤, 𝕒𝕔𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟, ℍ𝕠𝕝𝕝𝕪𝕨𝕠𝕠𝕕 💎

Interview of a Hollywood star: Lola Rose Gousset

Interviewed by Marie Louis

⊱━━━━━━━━━━━⊰ ·✧ 🎀 ✧· ⊱━━━━━━━━━━━⊰

"𝐒𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐭𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐥𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐧�� 𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞’𝐬 𝐇𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐲𝐰𝐨𝐨𝐝" - Lola Rose ✨️

Lola Rose backstage captured for this interview

Art by © Kiikatsup ♡

⊱━━━━━━━━━━━⊰ ·✧ 🎀 ✧· ⊱━━━━━━━━━━━⊰

Everything has been said, everything's been written in 7 decades, and yet Lola Rose remains a mystery. A "gamine" of Paris, with a relatively simple childhood who has become one of Hollywood's biggest stars, from a simple singer to a timeless supreme pop icon. Perhaps the most interesting thing is to listen to her. 71 years ago, the actress and singer of 21, had given an interview to the French magazine "Vivre". A river flowing like text, in first person, on new her born fame, her childhood, on happiness. Welcome to Lola's world.

ML : Hello, Lola Rose, how are you?

LRG: Hi, I am doing great. I am a little bit nervous though... *soft melodic laughter* thank you for coming by.

ML: What motivated you to pursue a career as an actor/actress?

LRG: Hmm, actually it stumbled upon me. Acting was not something I was necessarily looking at favorably. Music has always been my thing, what I yearn for day and night. Acting was my sister's (Rosalia) thing. She is naturally talented and gifted with that skill. They needed someone who could sing and dance to portray one of my sister's companions (Angélique) in her movie 'Marquise Des Anges'. My name was offered and I suppose that I wasn't too bad at it *laughter*

ML: You have since taken part in other productions, what changed?

LRG: I discovered that I absolutely am in love with art. Developing an art, a talent, or a skill. I love the entire process. I now, understand the work and passion that goes on with developing and creating a character...the creativity it takes. This is something I was not specially aware of before. But I am now.

ML: How was your childhood like?

LRG: Full of love! From maman, from papa, from ma soeur, from my pet dog...just full of love. Full of arguments too, because it was not always easy being children in the entertainment industry. But I like to think our parents both of them in their very own ways, always did their best to give us opportunities to still maintain a sense of normalcy. To give us the chance to somehow have a "regular" childhood as much as possible. I used to help papa at the Salon de thé whenever I could, even though it was for my own satisfaction, so I could spend more time with him, and also because we were treated like princesses by the staff *laugh*

ML: Best memories from the ice cream parlor?

LRG: I have many wonderful memories with my dad which I am truly grateful for,I did really enjoy the day when Rosie and I were allowed to sample half of the menu. We were so pampered by everybody, our opinions were valued and respected too which is pretty amazing now that I think of it.

ML: Your family plays a huge role in your busy life...

LRG: Absolutely! They are what I treasure most in my life. Losing papa so suddenly made me very afraid of enjoying life, afraid of stepping out of the house without them beside me. It is something I am still working on. (VM: something she will work on for the rest of her life) I always say I wanna be the next one to go, I don't wanna live through this kind of heartbreak ever again. (VM: She'll sadly have to deal with multiple passing of industry friends a few years after this interview)

ML: How do you manage living between L.A and Paris?

LRG: It is very new, for now we settled our luggages in L.A. I love it here, 𝐒𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐭𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐥𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞’𝐬 𝐇𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐲𝐰𝐨𝐨𝐝, "the city of angels" so seems quite fitted for someone like me who daydreams all day. I am just now thinking how prettily we named L.A and Paris, "city of dreams" and "city of lights". I definitely feel lucky to be living in both.

ML: Music or acting?

LRG: *silent* hmm...I need both but music is in my mind and heart 24/7. I need music to live, I would not be able to do anything without it. It comes first to me. Acting is also dear and important to me. There is so many things i want to try and explore in the acting world.

ML: What can we expect from "Kind Dreams"

LRG: Kind Dreams is a very douce romance, inspired from the French fairytale "Doux Rêves". It was a pleasure for me to portray Élisabeth, who is a very passionate and determined woman. Yet still very sweet and innocent. I spent a lot of time bonding with the animals on set...it's a very magical movie everyone can enjoy.

ML: What's next for Lola Rose?

LRG: Because Hollywood is where dreams come true! And because Hollywood, is the land of endless possibilities. I have this dream I wanna see come true, in the city of angels. I dream of having my name along the "walk of fame". And my sister's too by the way *laughter* and if wishes do come true, I wish to see myself on a big Broadway production one day. But what comes next is a suprise.

#furry #furry character #furry oc #fursona #anthro #sfw furry #barbie #disney #lola rose #angellolarose #interview with lola rose #fictional interview #facts #lola rose commission

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amyintherapy · 9 months ago

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Couple more chapters down.

Children often think the cure for their childhood pain and emotional loneliness lies in finding a way to change themselves and other people into something other than what they really are. Healing fantasies all have that theme. Therefore, everyone's healing fantasy begins with If only… For instance, people may think they'd be loved if only they were selfless or attractive enough, or if only they could find a sensitive, selfless partner. Or they may think their life would be healed by becoming famous or extremely rich or making other people afraid of them. Unfortunately, the healing fantasy is a child's solution that comes from a child's mind, so it often doesn't fit adult realities.

One woman secretly believed that if only she could make her depressed father happy, she would finally be free in her own life to do what she wanted. She didn't realize she was already free to live her own life, even if her father stayed miserable. Another woman was sure she could get the kind of love she longed for from her husband if she did everything he wanted. When he still didn't give her the attention she thought she'd earned, she was furious with him. Her anger covered the anxiety she felt when she realized her healing story wasn't working, even though she'd given it her best shot. Since childhood, she had been sure she could make herself lovable by being a "good" person. We usually have no idea that we're trying to foist a healing fantasy on someone, but it can be seen in the little tests of love we put people through.

If your parents or caregivers don't adequately respond to your true self in childhood, you'll figure out what you need to do to make a connection. Instead of just being who you are, you'll develop a role-self, or pseudo-self (Bowen 1978), that will give you a secure place in your family system. This role-self gradually replaces the spontaneous expression of the true self. This role-self might based on a belief such as I'll become so self-sacrificing that other people will praise me and love me. Or it might take the negative form of I'll make them pay attention to me one way or the other.

You may wonder why all children don't make up wonderfully positive role-selves-why so many people are acting out roles of failure, anger, mental disturbance, emotional volatility, or other forms of misery. One answer is that not every child has the inner resources to be successful and self-controlled in interactions with others. Some children's genetics and neurology propel them into impulsive reactivity instead of constructive action. Another reason negative role-selves arise is that it's common for emotionally immature parents to subconsciously use different children in the family to express unresolved aspects of their own role-self and healing fantasies. For instance, one child may be idealized and indulged as the perfect child, while another is tagged as incompetent, always screwing up and needing help.

Another problem with the role-self is that it doesn't have its own source of energy. It has to steal vitality from the true self. Playing a role is much more tiring than just being yourself because it takes a huge effort to be something you are not. And because it's made-up, the role-self is insecure and afraid of being revealed as an imposter. Playing a role-self usually doesn't work in the long run because it can never completely hide people's true inclinations. Sooner or later, their genuine needs will bubble up.

most emotionally immature parents are externalizers and struggle against reality rather than coping with it.

Externalizing tends to elicit punishment and rejection. In contrast to well-behaved internalizers, externalizers act out their anxiety, pain, or depression. They do impulsive things to distract themselves from their immediate problems. Although this may help them feel better temporarily, it creates more problems down the road.

Externalizing in children promotes emotional dependency and enmeshment with the parent's dynamics (Bowen 1978). Further, emotionally immature parents may indulge an externalizing child because doing so distracts them from their own unresolved issues. When dealing with an out-of-control child, parents don't have time to think about their own pain from the past. Instead, they can take on the role-self of the strong parent helping a weak and dependent child who couldn't get along without them.

people who seek therapy or enjoy reading about self-help are far more likely to have an internalizing style of coping. They are always trying to figure out what they can do to change their lives for the better. In contrast, people who externalize their problems are more likely to end up in treatment due to external pressures, such as courts, marital ultimatums, or rehab. Much of addiction recovery is geared toward nudging externalizers toward adopting a more internalizing coping style and taking responsibility for themselves. You could even think of groups like AA as a movement designed to turn externalizers into internalizers who become accountable for their own change.

Internalizers may have an exceptionally alert nervous system from birth. Some research has found that differences in babies' levels of attun-ement to the environment can be seen at a very early age (Porges 2011). Even as five-month-old infants, some babies show more perceptiveness and sustained interest than others (Conradt, Measelle, and Ablow 2013). Further, these characteristics were found to be correlated with the kinds of behaviors children engaged in as they matured.

In his review of his own and others' research, neuroscientist Stephen Porges (2011) has made a strong case that innate neurological differences exist even in newborns. His research suggests that, from early in life, people may differ widely in their ability to self-soothe and regulate physiological functions when under stress. To me, this seems to indicate the possibility that a predisposition to a certain coping style may exist from infancy.

When internalizers experience a painful emotion, they're much more likely to look sad or cry- just the sort of display an emotionally phobic parent can't stand. On the other hand, when externalizers have strong feelings, they act them out in behavior before they experience much internal distress. Therefore, other people are likely to see externalizers as having a behavior problem rather than an emotional issue, even though emotions are causing the behavior.

As an internalizer, Logan had a strong need for authentic emotional connection. Unfortunately, her self-preoccupied siblings and parents weren't interested in that kind of relationship. No one in her family paid attention to feelings, and her expressions of enthusiasm fell on deaf ears. In keeping with their emotional immaturity, her parents were intent on playing out their narrow family roles, as were her siblings.

Most emotionally immature people tend to be externalizers who don't know how to calm themselves through genuine emotional engagement. When they feel insecure, instead of seeking comfort from other people they tend to feel threatened and launch into fight, flight, or freeze behaviors. They react to anxious moments in relationships with rigid, defensive behaviors that alienate other people, rather than bringing them closer.

Emotional immaturity in parents guarantees that their children will experience significant emotional neglect.

Quotes from adult children of emotionally immature parents

These are passages that I've sent to myself because they stood out to me. I'm only through the first few chapters so I'll probably update with more later.

Children who feel they cannot engage their parents emotionally often try to strengthen their connection by playing whatever roles they believe their parents want them to. Although this may win them some fleeting approval, it doesn't yield genuine emotional closeness. Emotionally disconnected parents don't suddenly develop a capacity for empathy just because a child does something to please them.

People who lacked emotional engagement in childhood, men and women alike, often can't believe that someone would want to have a relationship with them just because of who they are. They believe that if they want closeness, they must play a role that always puts the other person first.

What Jake didn't realize is that hate is a normal and involuntary reaction when somebody tries to control you for no good reason. It signals that the person is extinguishing your emotional life force by getting his or her needs met at your expense.

Emotionally immature parents don't know how to validate their child's feelings and instincts. Without this validation, children learn to give in to what others seem sure about.

Like children, emotionally immature people usually end up being the center of attention. In groups, the most emotionally immature person often dominates the group's time and energy. If other people allow it, all the group's attention will go to that person, and once this happens, it's hard to redirect the group's focus. If anyone else is going to get a chance to be heard, someone will have to force an abrupt transition- something many people aren't willing to do.

It's also important to remember that old-school parenting- -the upbringing my clients' parents experienced- -was very much about children being seen but not heard. Physical punishment was not only acceptable, it was condoned, even in schools, as the way to make children responsible. For many parents, "spare the rod and spoil the child" was considered conventional wisdom. They weren't concerned about children's feelings; they saw parenting as being about teaching children how to behave. It wasn't until 1946 that Dr. Benjamin Spock, in the original version of his mega-seller The Common Sense Book of Baby and Child Care, widely popularized the idea that children's feelings and individuality were important factors to consider, in addition to physical care and discipline. In the generations before this shift, parenting tended to focus on obedience as the gold standard of children's development, rather than thinking about supporting children's emotional security and individuality.

It may be that many emotionally immature people weren't allowed to explore and express their feelings and thoughts enough to develop a strong sense of self and a mature, individual identity. This made it hard for them to know themselves, limiting their ability to engage in emotional intimacy. If you don't have a basic sense of who you are as a person, you can't learn how to emotionally engage with other people at a deep level. This arrested self-development gives rise to additional, deeper personality weaknesses that are common among emotionally immature people, as outlined in this chapter.

Instead of learning about themselves and developing a strong, cohesive self in early childhood, emotionally immature people learned that certain feelings were bad and forbidden. They unconsciously developed defenses against experiencing many of their deeper feelings. As a result, energies that could have gone toward developing a full self were instead devoted to suppressing their natural instincts, resulting in a limited capacity for emotional intimacy.

Emotionally immature people who are otherwise intelligent can think conceptually and show insight as long as they don't feel too threatened in the moment. Their intellectual objectivity is limited to topics that arent emotionally arousing to them. This can be puzzling to their children, who experience two very different sides to their parents: sometimes intelligent and insightful, other times narrow-minded and impossible to reason with.

All [types of emotionally immature parents] use nonadaptive coping mechanisms that distort reality rather than dealing with it (Vaillant 2000). And all use their children to try to make themselves feel better, often leading to a parent-child role reversal and exposing their children to adult issues in an overwhelming way. In addition, all four types have poor resonance with other people's feelings. They have extreme boundary problems, either getting too involved or refusing to get involved at all. Most tolerate frustration poorly and use emotional tactics or threats rather than verbal communication to Bet what they want.

As summarized in their 1974 article, these researchers rated mothers behaviors toward their babies on four dimensions: sensitivity-insensitivity, acceptance-rejection, cooperation interference, and accessible-ignoring. They found that a mother's "degree of sensitivity" was "a key variable, in the sense that mothers who rated high in sensitivity also, without exception, rated high in acceptance, co operation and accessibility, whereas mothers who rated low in any one of the other three scales also rated low in sensitivity" (1974, 107). Ainsworth and her colleagues reported that more sensitive mothers had babies who showed more secure attachment behaviors in their experiments.

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kseniyagreen · 3 years ago

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Symbolism in the drama Beyond Evil. Part 1: a story told by hands.

Why does realistic work need symbols at all? I already wrote that the Beyond Evil is not an ordinary detective. Much attention is paid to the inner world of the characters. But the psychological world cannot be expressed in purely realistic language. The story of the soul is told through images and metaphors. In " Beyond Evil " they are literally at every step, but they are woven into the narrative quite unobtrusively. You may not even notice them, although they still have an effect, giving the scenes extra weight.

I'll start with the main symbol - hands. In fact, it is more than a symbol, it is an additional language in which the story of the heroes is told. This amazing observation belongs to my friend Jan Fm, and thanks to her, the whole drama has opened up for me in a new way.

You can see the accent on the hands already on the official poster for the Beyond Evil: the chain that join the characters' wrists emphasizes their special bond.

Why hands? One of the classic ways to visualize contact is touching, shaking hands. Touch plays a huge role in our life. So, without a sufficient amount of tactile contact, the psyche cannot develop normally. Childhood tactile experiences can shape our relationships with the world for our entire lives. And most often we “taste” this world with our fingertips.

In the drama Beyond Evil, we often see close-ups of the hands, especially in the climax. Hand movements act as a bright accent or finishing touch. And sometimes a subtle hint. In a previous review, I wrote that the main theme of the Beyond Evil, in my opinion, is the relationship between people. In a world where all heroes sometimes hide their feelings and intentions (from others or even from their own awareness) hands reveal true relationships. Just like fingerprints expose a criminal.

For example, Kang Jin-mook's family photo with her daughter is such a vivid illustration of a pathological family. His hand rests on the back of the chair next to Kang Min-jung's shoulder. And almost physically you can feel how great the girl's desire is to move away from this hand. Her own hands are in her lap and seem to be trying to hide.

Han Joo-won usually diligently avoids contact with people, but quite calmly touches Dong Sik without even noticing it.

In the interrogation scene of Park Jeong-je, his open palms pressed against the glass emphasize his isolation from others, his desperate desire and inability to reach.

Sometimes the hands accentuate the symbolism of the scene. For example, Han Ki-Hwan breaks his hand bleeding while trying to destroy the phone with confession record. So, the expression "hands in blood" is embodied literally.

There are many such scenes, their listing would turn into a retelling of the entire plot. But in the drama, there are three characters for whom the image of the hand has special meaning - Kang Jin-mook, Lee Dong-sik, and Han Joo-won.

First of all, the theme of hands arises in connection with violent crimes. Shocking detail - the maniac cuts off the fingers of his victims. But this detail was introduced into the plot not just to impress the audience. It has a deep psychological meaning. For Jin-mook, a woman's contemptuously pointing finger has become a symbol of humiliation, an emotional connection that torments.

The torment is unbearable, and this is cleverly used by Dong-sik in the interrogation scene, bringing Jin-mook with this simple gesture to a fit of rage.

Jin-mook has tried to sever this bond over and over again, ritually killing the wife in every woman who resembles her. His own hands are pressed to the body all the time, as if denoting his inability to be in relationships with people, to feel others, to touch.

But he cannot cut that single, painfully strong, like instinct, connection. It can be twisted, turned inside out - but not cut. And when this connection is finally broken - not by his will, but because of the death of his wife - it turns out to be meaningless to continue to exist.

For Dong-sik, the image of the hands is associated with the theme of loss, severed family ties. One of the first shots in the drama is Yu-yeon's fingers playing the piano. Later, only these fingers remain from her. Or rather, it is the tips of the fingers, the extreme phalanges. The image is eerie, and at the same time - there is something subtle and sad in it, the feeling of the last touch, as if a farewell wave of the hand remained in the air. And later, the musical theme "Ten Fingers" sounds exactly like a light touch of fingers on the keys - not frightening, but tender and sad. Leaving, elusive life.

Dong-sik knows deep down that Yu-yeon is dead. But he cannot let go of this ghostly hope without finding a body. And just as the missing people are neither alive nor dead to their relatives, so the remaining relatives of the victims exist on the edge. Between hope and despair, between goodbye and meeting, between life and death. A very powerful scene is when Dong-sik finds his sister's body walled up. We do not see the whole body, we see the hands, and Dong-sik takes these hands in his, remembering his sister alive. And the whole scene looks like a meeting after a long separation and, at the same time, a final farewell.

Dong-sik's own world is also cut off piece by piece. Twenty years of life is a long chronology of losses. And with every next loss, he seems to lose a part of himself.

The theme of hands in Joo Won's life is especially interesting. Although we can only fully appreciate its significance by watching the drama to the end. At the beginning of the story, Joo Won is someone who "doesn't like touching other people's hands."

At first glance, this seems like simple arrogance, but the problem goes much deeper. Han Joo-won has a very bad relationship trauma. Relations in his family were disastrous, from which he brought out a feeling of disgust and fear of contact with people. And the central image in his traumatic experience is his mother's hand reaching out to him.

It now contains both a symbol of loss and a symbol of guilt - after all, he did not take the outstretched hand. And somewhere in the depths of his soul he feels responsible for the death of his mother. "Maybe if he had come down to her then and took her hand, she would not have been taken away, and she would not have committed suicide." I think such thoughts tormented him for a long time before he was able to almost completely force them out of consciousness.

The metaphor of a handshake as a contact, a connection is literally voiced by Han Ki-Hwan when he speaks of "pitiful little people who are not able to take an outstretched hand." In fact, without realizing it, he is talking about himself. He will fail, because in his pride he pushed away the only person devoted to him - Hyuk. But at that moment, Han Joo-won hears this phrase as a conviction against him personally. And he laughs with the same laugh of pain, looking at his hand as an instrument of crime.

It is a deep feeling that “hands in blood” are visualized at the end of the 15th episode. When Han Joo-won, leaving Jung Chul-moon's house with bloody hands, says in a semi-delusional state, "It seems like I killed him." The feeling of human life flowing out from under his fingers shocked him so much also because it resonated with the deep pain and guilt that he had carried in himself since childhood.

The theme of hands is significant for each of the main characters separately, but also, it ties them together, illustrating the entire evolution of their interaction. Each stage of their relationship ends with a scene with hands.

Throughout the entire drama, there is more physical contact between the main characters than with anyone else. They constantly cling to each other, but sometimes it looks like they are holding on to each other, like drowning people.

This is how the creators of the drama "put" in the hands of the main characters longing for contact, longing for warm healthy relationships. Sense of touch, like nothing else, gives us the experience of our reality, the experience of "I exist." But it takes two to contact, we feel our reality in contact with the reality of the other.

And that's also why the final scene of the arrest is so poignant. There is a lot of semantic load in these " arms hug ". Lee Dong-sik and Han Joo-won seem to be removing the curse from each other's hands in this scene. They return to each other something that was lost twenty years ago. As if something finally came together, closed, came true - as it should have been. Meeting of hands is like meeting of two souls.

#beyond evil #jtbc beyond evil #Beyond Evil articles

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batwhimpix · 3 years ago

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An Interview with Former Takarazuka Top Star Asumi Rio: The Laidback Personality Behind the Handsome Face

(Translated by me 8/19/2021)

While still a member of the Takarazuka Revue, Asumi Rio was known for her sensitive acting which digs deep into the heart of each role, her crystal-clear vocals, and her captivating stage presence. As the top star of Flower Troupe, she gained an immense level of popularity. Now, it has been one year since her retirement from the company. She has expanded her repertoire from stage to screen, and continues to showcase new sides to her talent. In her first name-bearing variety program, the Hulu Original "Asumi Rio's Atelier," Asumi-san learns new tips and techniques to "step up" both her lifestyle and her design sense. Totally different from her intense onstage aura, this program offers a chance to get to know Asumi-san's soft and relaxed offstage persona.

It's been a year and a half since you left the Takarazuka Revue. How would you describe that period of time for you, Asumi-san?

When I was in the Revue, because I had managed to enter the world of Takarazuka, which was my absolute favorite place, I felt strongly that I didn't want to have any regrets. So I was very motivated to work as hard as I could to polish my craft. I was completely lost in it, but within that, I always had my fans cheering me on, and the guidance of so many around me. In the last year and a half, I've realized all over again just how precious a thing that was.

Until I left, my only experience was on the stage, so stepping into the world on screen for the first time, a lot of totally new forms of expression were expected from me, and I felt a lot of anxiety. Parting from Takarazuka and living as just one individual human, every day is full of challenges. But that said, every day now is also rich with new experiences and new possibilities, so I've come to face that with a lot of gratitude.

While you were in Takarazuka, there was a very clear image, that of a perfect "otokoyaku," to aspire to. Now that you don't have that anymore, what kind of actress are you aiming to become?

There are a lot of qualities I have now precisely because I was an otokoyaku, and I think it's probably okay for me to just embrace that. As top [abbrev. "top star", the starring otokoyaku actress in each troupe], I was in a position where I had to lead the troupe, watch over and guide all the other actresses, and shape each production as the lead actress. I think I've picked up a lot of grit through that experience, and even as a woman, I think having a bit of a masculine edge in your lifestyle and how you deal with things can be a positive, right?

Even when I was playing otokoyaku roles, moreso than aiming for a particular ideal, I came at each role separately, like, this time I'm playing this kind of man, next time I'm playing this kind of man. It was like a gradual broadening of my horizons. Now I'm simply adding female roles to that roster, so it's kind of like the scope of roles available to me has doubled. When it comes to my outward appearance, as my hair grows out and I transition toward a more feminine look, I've been having all kinds of new discoveries, like, "Oh, this kind of styling makes me feel like this." Within my drama roles as well, I like those discoveries like, if I do it like this, won't it be interesting, or if I do this, I can get viewers to say, "Oh!" I want to keep digging to find those little moments where I can really surprise people within each role.

Since your retirement from Takarazuka, what overall on-set experience sticks out the most in your memory?

I think that has to be the first show I had the opportunity to take part in, "Ochoyan" [NHK serialized telenovella]. Until I was on that set, I always thought that the stage was the most incredible place in the world. I would never find anywhere else where every member is so unified in their vision, where everyone has so much pride in their troupe and so much love for the production they're building together, as in Takarazuka. Even now, I still think Takarazuka is a very special place, and my love for it hasn't changed.

But on the set of "Ochoyan," like Takarazuka, there were so many staff working to create this thing, who truly loved the work and brought all kinds of skills to the table to bring it to life. Among the cast as well, the atmosphere during recording, where all of us in the Tsurugame Family Theater [the name of the theater company employing main character Takei Chiyo as well as Asumi-san's character Takamine Ruriko] really did feel like a family, wasn't that different from Takarazuka at all. On the contrary, because our time together was limited just to the recording of this show, it felt like everyone valued that time all the more. Being on a set like that was a huge experience for me.

In Takarazuka, you had a very hectic schedule. As soon as one production closed you were already thinking about the next. I'm sure your lifestyle has changed in a big way since then. What kind of feelings do you have about that?

I retired and moved here to Tokyo right around the start of the pandemic. During the lockdown, when I was in my house all day, I realized how long the day really is. Suddenly it was up to me to decide how to spend all this time in the day. I could use it to rest or, if I had some area I was struggling with, I could use it for training too. I had a renewed realization that depending on my own feelings, I could choose to change myself in any number of ways.

These days, how do you find yourself spending the majority of your time?

These days, I'm doing a lot of types of work I'm totally new to, and working on sets with people I've only just met, so I'm still in a place where I spend a lot of time nervous. When I'm on a set I haven't gotten used to yet, my antenna is going in all different directions, so after I get home I try to relax as much as possible. In order to fully refresh myself and go into work the next day in high spirits and ready to face whatever comes, I've been making a conscious effort to be kind to myself.

What activities allow you to refresh your batteries the most?

Zoning out, and eating delicious food.

On "Asumi Rio's Atelier," you gave steaming rice in a donabe [TN: earthenware pot traditionally used to steam rice, supposedly more delicious than steaming in a rice cooker] a try for the first time, but what kinds of things do you eat most often?

As long as it tastes good, I'll happily eat anything. I like vegetables, meat, fish, and I love carbs, too. Ideally, I want to eat a good balance of a lot of different things.

Speaking of that program, how were the topics for each episode decided? Were you able to make requests?

For "Atelier" we had the general framework that I would be trying different activities I was interested in from the onset, so basically they asked me, "What kind of things are you interested in? What do you want to try?" And then...Yeah, first I had about 30, then we added about 30 more, so in total about 60, ideas that we pitched. The program staff wanted to include as many of my requests as they could, so actually, within each episode there are probably three or four different ones. In addition to that, there's an interview in each episode that relates back to that episode's theme. I enjoyed the chance to reflect on my Takarazuka era and memories from my childhood.

On the topic of your Takarazuka era, in your first interview for us, you said, "I wasn't necessarily aiming to become top star." But within the system of Takarazuka, to climb all the way to top star, you must have been aware of something within yourself that made you want to aim higher?

Let's see...Ever since I was an underclassman, I had a strong drive to improve as an otokoyaku. I wanted people to find my performance interesting, and I wanted to be seen as a necessary part of the production. I wanted to act a lot, and I wanted to sing a lot of songs that I love. I wanted to bathe in the spotlight, and I was happy when I got to wear more gorgeous costumes. If I really think back on those feelings now, first in the shinjinkouen junior performances featuring only actresses who have been with the company seven years or less, and then in performances at the smaller Bow Hall theater next to the Takarazuka Grand Theater, inevitably I started aiming for the lead roles that would allow me to stand on stage for the longest every time.

Somewhere along that road, when I was told I was being transferred from the troupe I was first inducted into, Moon Troupe, to Flower Troupe, this feeling that I had wanted to be the Moon Troupe's successor welled to the surface. And since that's the same as saying, "I wanted to be the top star of Moon Troupe," that was the first time I became aware of that goal. Every troupe in Takarazuka has its own character, though, so after my transfer, I was desperate to hurry up and become an otokoyaku befitting Flower Troupe first...

So as you worked to further your artistic development, there at the zenith was top star.

If you were to ask my underclassman self, the Top-sans are unbelievably incredible performers, and the more shinjinkouens you experience, the more closely you come to understanding just how incredible they are. Then as you spend more years with the company and find yourself in a position where you're working directly under the Top-san, you realize how much work they're really doing, and...The more you know, the more you lose the ability to say something like "I want to be the top star" carelessly.

And yet, you bore the heavy responsibility of a top star for five-and-a-half years. It's hard to imagine from your usual laidback attitude, but when it comes to your art, you're incredibly diligent and strong-willed. That gap is captivating.

When it comes to theater, I'm very picky. I mean, I'm way too stubborn for one thing. Especially in productions where I'm playing the lead role, I always have really strong feelings about how I want to perform things, and I'm not in a position where I can hesitate to convey that. It's important to listen to the opinions of various other people too, but when it comes down to it, if I have a clear idea of the direction I want things to proceed and direct things with that in mind, it makes things easier for everyone else, so I always tried to communicate my thoughts clearly and directly. If I'm delivering consistently good work, there's a persuasive power to that. Not only do the underclassmen naturally follow along, but the staff listen and respond to my requests as well.

But when you're making this kind of production, you do have to be pretty strict. But then, the real me is more of a people pleaser. I want everyone to like me, or more like, I don't want to be disliked. I didn't want the younger underclassmen to feel like I was unapproachable or like they couldn't talk to me because I was the top star. I wanted them to think of me like family. So outside matters relating to work, I tried to give off as relaxed a vibe as possible. Definitely, I think there was quite a gap between "on" and "off" for me.

Are there a lot of differences between "Asumi Rio the otokoyaku" and "Asumi Rio the actress?" How about between your stage name persona and your private self under your birth name?

I've lived under my stage name for so much longer than my birth name that I feel like, at this point, the parts of myself that belong to my real name are few and far between. I do have the feeling that, in some respect, I've grown up together with my stage name. In essence, while I was in Takarazuka, I didn't worry too much about creating a separate persona. Thanks to the kindness of my fans and the environment I was in, I felt like I could leave my otokoyaku persona on the stage and stay pretty close to my natural self everywhere else. I guess the only thing is, when I'm alone in my house, I revert to goblin mode. (laughs wryly) Like I'll have trouble getting myself to go take a bath, or I really should clean but my back hurts, etc., etc.

By contrast, now that I've graduated from being an otokoyaku, a lot of the things I'm doing as an actress are total firsts for me, so I think I feel more discomfort with my presentation now than I did then. There are times when I get really nervous, and then I get disappointed in myself for feeling that way. Like, until just a little while ago, I was in a position where I was responsible for keeping everyone's morale up. I would get up on that stage like, "It's alright, just leave it to me," so what am I all anxious for now? I often think about how much I still have to learn, and how badly I want to hurry up and learn it so I can show the results of my efforts.

Is there a particular ideal you're currently pursuing? What kind of actress do you want to become, and what kind of woman?

Since leaving Takarazuka, I've had a lot more opportunity to meet all kinds of new people. On every set I've been on, each of the actresses I meet has their own unique aura, and seeing their acting up close, I'm blown away by each of them. Among the staff as well, there are so many different kinds of professionals of all ages, and I often find myself inspired by their work ethic and lifestyle. I'd like to continue to enrich my life by learning from the amazing people I meet and experiencing many new things, and work to become a more fully rounded human being.

*Bracketed notes not marked "TN" (Translator's Note) were present in the original article.

#mirio #asumi rio #takarazuka og #takarazuka #this interview is super detailed so i've been wanting to translate it for a while #she's such a stubborn person but i kind of admire that about her??#must have been hell to work with at times tho #but such a calming presence offstage lol #hanagumi #tkz #og #mytranslations

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unwhitewashthebadbatch · 3 years ago

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Disney Email Draft 2

(going under a cut because it's much longer. Here is the Google Doc link for anyone who would like to comment directly)

Reminder that we are encouraging critiques and comments regarding this email!

To Bob Iger, Kathleen Kennedy, Dave Filoni, Jennifer Corbett, and the creative team of Star Wars: The Bad Batch:

We hope this email finds you all well. We are fans of color, disabled fans, neurodivergent fans, and Jewish fans writing out of concern for the portrayal of our communities in the Disney+ series Star Wars: The Bad Batch. For several months now, we have been campaigning on social media to spread awareness about these concerns through #UnwhitewashTBB, a movement we began to raise awareness about the ways in which the series has poorly represented several minoritized groups of people.

Just like the creators of Star Wars: The Bad Batch, all of the creators of #UnwhitewashTBB grew up with Star Wars as the backbones of their childhoods, and for many of us, Star Wars: The Clone Wars was crucial to our development as artists, writers, creators, and lifelong Star Wars fans. We are all firm believers in the phrase “Star Wars is for everyone”, and we would like to see Disney support that message by hearing our plea.

As fans of color, as disabled fans, as neurodivergent fans, and as Jewish fans, we’ve seen ourselves on screen in both good and bad ways, but recently it has been more the latter than the former. One such reason is Star Wars: The Bad Batch, a show whose premise piqued many fans’ interest, but whose main cast has left an increasingly sour taste in the mouths of those who watched.

The series follows an elite squad of clone troopers who have named themselves The Bad Batch, due in part to their series of mutations that gives them an edge over regular clones on the battlefield. These mutations drastically altered the appearance of each of the members to a generally lighter, more Caucasian appearance--one that is inconsistent with how the original Jango Fett actor Temuera Morisson looks. Fans take issue with the implications in the writing and design of The Bad Batch: that in order to be elite, special, and better than one’s contemporaries--in order to have a story worth telling--one must also be white or as close as possible.

Merriam-Webster defines whitewashing as “to alter (something) in a way that favors, features, or caters to white people: such as to alter (an original story) by casting a white performer in a role based on a nonwhite person or fictional character” The #UnwhitewashTBB movement comes with two carrds explaining the grievances of the fans. A summary for each character is given below:

Sergeant Hunter, the leader, closely resembles Sylvester Stallone’s Rambo character, despite being a clone of a man of color. The importance of his character, the fatherliness he has with Omega, and his centrality to both their Season 7 appearance in The Clone Wars and the series itself sends the message that important people look

Wrecker is the demolitions expert, and he’s the only member of The Bad Batch with features similar to that of a Maori man’s, like Temuera Morrison/Jango Fett. He’s large with broad features, brown skin, and is a stereotype of men of color. His personality as first introduced to the audience was that of a loud, aggressive, impatient, slow man who called frequently for violence/destruction. He falls into the “Loveable Brute” trope, an observation that is supported by statements from supervising director Brad Rau and voice actor Dee Bradely Baker that Wrecker is like a little boy and has a heart of gold.

Crosshair is the sniper on the team, and he’s the most derisive of the “regs”--the regular clone troopers. Taken in conjunction with his appearance (inspired by Clint Eastwood), the various messages being sent by the writing and appearance of the other team members, and his comment about the regular troopers--the he and the Batch are superior and thus should join the Empire--his character pushes forth a message that there is superiority inherent in whitened or fully white features.

Tech, the technology specialist, has incredibly light skin and hair compared to the regular clones. His mutation made him a genius, with an IQ that outpaces that of any other clone in the Republic. Fans of color are upset that Tech’s genius mutation apparently also affected his skin color, as now this creates a direct link between intelligence and appearance/race. Contrast Tech with Wrecker, who is the exact opposite in every way, and this harm becomes only more apparent. In addition to this, many Autistic fans of The Bad Batch have noted that Tech, being “on the spectrum” (according to Dee Bradley Baker) is a popular stereotype of Autistic people: a nerdy-looking white man with a formal way of speaking who’s a genius but dismissive of others’ feelings. Baker also plays Tech with a British accent, further cementing the harmful message that intelligence is in some way connected to ethnicity.

Omega is the newest member of The Bad Batch. Despite being a pure Jango clone, she’s come out looking nothing like Boba Fett--she has lighter skin than he does, as well as blonde hair. Fans are concerned about the connection between genetic purity and light skin/blonde hair, as this is directly harmful to the people of color who don’t sport those features.

Echo is the ARC Trooper of the team, but many fans--disabled fans especially--fear that his series of disabilities have reduced him to the “droid sidekick”. Echo does not have a prosthetic, instead sporting a scomp-arm attachment that allows him to plug into computers but would otherwise hinder him greatly in daily tasks. He rarely is the focus of an episode, and the series has not given him as much attention as it has given characters like Hunter and Omega. Disabled fans worry about the lack of attention given to his medical trauma, and fans of color note that his skin color goes beyond what a brown man who’s been without sunlight for a few months would look like.

The issues do not stop here. Asian fans noticed and were harmed by a Tiananmen Square parallel in 1x10, “Common Ground”--a recreation that was led by an Eastern Asian-coded woman. Jewish fans are hurt by the antisemitic stereotype in Cid the broker, a greedy lizard woman who speaks with an accent commonly associated with New York Jews--and who is played by Jewish actress Rhea Perlman. Black fans were harmed by the whitewashing in Saw Gererra and the one other Black character in The Bad Batch being a Black woman who works for the Empire and burns civilians alive.

The full analyses can be found in the official #UnwhitewashTBB carrd: unwhitewashthebadbatch.carrd.co. We respectfully ask that you read this carrd and give a public statement in response to these criticisms.

Our movement has only gained traction since its inception on March 30th, 2021. A few months later, we wrote and released an open letter on Change.org to be signed by supporters of #UnwhitewashTBB, and every day it gains new signatures and draws nearer to the next milestone. A survey we released over a month ago has received over 1,100 responses and also continues to climb. The latter displays a range of opinions regarding The Bad Batch, but one sentiment stands out: Hunter, Crosshair, Tech, Wrecker, Omega, and Echo are written in stereotypical and actively harmful ways. Respondents were shocked at outdated portrayals of Autism, sickened by antisemitic stereotypes, and confused at how, in this current social and political climate, a family-friendly corporation like Disney could greenlight a series that sends a message that is the complete opposite of “Star Wars is for Everyone”. Some sample responses are below:

“I would just like to elaborate on the ableism aspect. As a amputee myself, I don’t like how Echo’s trauma has been ignored. The whole reason he is with the BB is because of what he went through. Losing one limb, never mind multiple, it’s extremely difficult. They made it seem like just because his prosthetic can be of use on missions, that means he isn’t grieving the loss of his actual hand. There is no healing or evolution. It also feels wrong to only address the fact that echo uses prosthetics for the sake of hacking into machinery. Prosthetics are so personal and become a real part of who you are as a person.” - Respondent 130

“...I can't believe Star Wars is still doing this, and that an entire team of animators with a huge budget can't get skin tone right. I didn't even know the clones were supposed to have a NZ Māori accent until a friend told me. That's a big deal, since I live in NZ and hear it every day…” - Respondent 209

“As someone who is neurodivergent myself, Tech and Wrecker just. sting, you know? in a “is that really what you think of us” kind of way. I grew up in an environment where intersectional equality was heavily discussed, and I can still miss things. Having Jewish friends does not mean that Cid’s antisemitic implications can’t go right over my head until someone points them out (thank you).” - Respondent 87

“As a fan of color, its irritating and painful to watch and be brushed off as "lighting issues" and see justifications made by white fans and producers...It also feels very bad to me that TCW spent 7 seasons with several arcs emphasizing that the clones were all as individual as a 'normal' person, but then undo all that with TBB, which centers a group of "special" clones (who are suspiciously white) and have them treat the "regs" as a homogeneous group who are lesser than them, and then expect us to find it within ourselves to put that aside to enjoy the MCs. The way the treat "regs" is very offputting and it made me dislike them since their introduction...Star Wars is no stranger to racist and antisemitic media, but I must say, the blantancy of Sid, a greedy lizard who essentially financially enslaves the protaganists, being Jewish-coded and being protrayed by a Jewish voice actress is really next-level even for Star Wars. As a Jewish fan, it really grates on me.” - Respondent 40

“I’m disabled and autistic, and the ableism is appalling to watch. Watching Echo be treated as subhuman for needing machinery to survive makes me feel like having implants to keep my spine from breaking itself would have me be the pitied member of any group. I am disgusted by the blatant antisemitism, as a fair number of my friends are Jewish and it hurts me to think that people can so easily hate others based on internalized stereotypes. Me and my friends have also critically analyzed the fact that, despite being clones of a character portrayed by Temuera Morrison, for some reason the bad batch look nothing like him in any way. No resemblance in any way: just a bunch of someone’s badly worked characters fraught with disgusting writing decisions and design choices that make no sense. It makes me angry to think that the writers for this show, and to an extent any modern writer, would believe that using harmful tropes to make a story is acceptable and someone brings in profit. I tried to watch it out of fact that my family likes Star Wars and we all grew up watching it, but all of these unhealthy assumptions and terrible choices in terms of writing and design leave a bitter and nauseating feeling.” - Respondent 605

In the survey, various questions were asked about fans’ feelings about The Bad Batch. Before reading the carrd, 34.7% of fans answered that writing was their least favorite aspect of the series, with the next being the main characters. Elaborations in the following free write made clear that the whitewashing and stereotypical writing were huge factors of these opinions. One a 1 to 5 satisfaction scale, 68.1% of respondents rated their satisfaction at a 3 or lower--again, due to the whitewashing and other issues respondents perceived in The Bad Batch. When asked to analyze pre-post carrd-reading feelings regarding the above issues, every category saw a marked increase in awareness of the issue at hand. The perceived prominence of the whitewashing went from 81.3% to 91.4% in respondents. The awareness of ableism jumped almost 30%, from 52.6% to 84.4%. The majority of respondents (59%) were not aware of the antisemitism in the series, but after reading the carrd, that statistic flipped to 80.5%, a near 60% increase from the original 26.7%. Regarding the other racist issues, the respondents went from 63.1% to 83.7%.

Fans of color, neurodivergent fans, disabled fans, and Jewish fans have been waiting for the day where we can see ourselves on screen a level of attention and care that makes us feel even more at home in the Star Wars community . If Disney’s message is truly family-friendly, if Star Wars is for everyone, then Disney needs to support these views with not just words, but with actions. Resolve the racism in Star Wars: The Bad Batch, take out the antisemitism, and treat your nonwhite, disabled, and neurodivergent characters--and fans--with the respect and dignity they deserve.

This will not be a benefit solely to the fans who are asking to be represented properly. In today’s time, popular media is facing a reckoning; media that is inclusive of and respectful towards minoritized groups ends up with leagues more popularity, high ratings, and good reviews than those that don’t. A recent and prominent example is Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings, a movie for which the inclusion of Asian-Americans at nearly all levels of production boosted its image and aided in its successful box office release. Black Panther is another prominent example--a movie spearheaded by Black people that completed its box office run at more than five times its initial budget in total revenue. The proper representation of people of color is a two-fold benefit.

Star Wars: The Bad Batch already has beautiful animation that reminds many longtime Star Wars: The Clone Wars fans of their childhood.

It is our hope that you will take our concerns as well as the concerns of others into account, and address the issues that we have outlined in order to better reflect the Walt Disney Company’s commitment to inclusive, diverse entertainment for audiences of all ages. Thank you for your attention to this issue.

Respectfully,

Fans of The Bad Batch

#mod CH #email #disney #star wars #the clone wars #the bad batch #unwhitewashtbb #swtbb #racism #antisemitism

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daisywrites4you · 4 years ago

Text

Your Spark - Charlie Gillespie x Reader

Co-Star AU

Author’s Notes: No confirmed Reader Gender, Age is not confirmed but is younger than Charlie, Slight Hint at Slow Burn (within the one-shot), Season 2 concept and NOT confirmed

Your life never seemed to have its spark. Everything being an endless fleet of things needed to be done and experiences always half-finished. That was until it started with a chance meeting on a film-set. Your first day being on the Julie and The Phantoms set was all due to the off-chance that you managed to get the job as a new character: Reggie’s potential love interest. You were widely shocked to have managed such a high role after expecting to get supporting-cast or a background character. You remembered bits and pieces but your stagefright did block a lot out. Your audition had included a cover of ‘Can’t blame a girl for trying’ by Sabrina Carpenter while playing your acoustic. You had shyly walked into the room and almost tripped over a sound card on the floor. You felt like you’d die from embarrassment before you would ever even make it to the judges table. You had introduced yourself and started your lines and tried to avoid eye contact. When you finally managed to look up, the director seemed shocked and interested in your acting. So when it finally came to singing, you felt more comfortable and gave it your all. You remembered hearing cheering from the doorway and the clapping from those who were listening in. It gave you a sense of pride but you never anticipated being something special. Still, you were elated to get the opportunity to meet and work with the actors you learned to adore after watching season one. Your life was finally coming together...that was until your eyes met viridescent ones.

You were walking to the break room to meet the cast for the first time. Your first day jitters seeming to get worse and worse as you neared the door. After all, these were your idols that you were about to meet. Mainly, you were most nervous to meet Charlie, your current celebrity crush. You wouldn’t describe yourself as obsessed or anything, just a small fascination with his smile and chipper attitude. You couldn’t help it, your feelings for the dork emerged after his first appearance on Charmed and the small crush never really went away after that. Even so, you were determined to not make a fool of yourself.

Your hand met the handle of the door as you heard laughs echoing from inside. Your hands buzzed as you tried to gulp down the intense anxiety stirring through you. You turned the knob after fighting any mental doubts you had and pulled open the door. The sounds of laughter died down and all eyes fell on you. Now your anxiety spiked and you had to hold down the urge to run out of the room. You tried to avoid seeming scared and looked for something to catch your eyes so you wouldn’t freak out. When you finally managed to look around your eyes met another pair. They were intense and bright and you had to almost yell at yourself mentally to realize you were staring a little too long. Tearing your eyes away, you finally managed to see who those eyes belonged to...Charlie Gillespie. “Oh god,” you mentally shouted at yourself.

Everything seemed to go so slow but in reality it had only been a few seconds that your eyes met his. Everyone seemed to now understand that you were a new member and began to get up and introduce themselves. They were all so kind and gentle with you, making sure you weren’t spooked. Social anxiety is a major issue with you, so usually settings like this overstimulated you, however, this was genuinely nice. By the time you became more comfortable goofing around, you could feel a pair of eyes on you. You peered around the room as you spoke and your eyes met Charlie’s once more. You felt small tingles running along your back, and decided to flash him a small smile before continuing on as normal. At some point he joined the group and started conversing with you too.

As the day went on you and Charlie really hit it off as friends and it felt like you guys had been friends for far longer than it seemed. You had already started talking about your childhood, the good memories, that is, and he his own. He wasn’t the only friend you made however. You had gotten really close with Madison and Jeremy.

It has been some time now and you’d come to describe the cast as a family you never anticipated to have. Slowly your comfort levels developed and you started to become more comfortable around the cast, however there was some part of you that still held up reservations of showing who you were. No matter what you couldn’t shake that. Even so, they began to learn your love for reading, your admiration for the show, and how passionate you are as a person.

“I can’t believe your favorite line from the show was that of all things!” Mads teased loudly.

“Can you honestly blame me?” You questioned, flashing her a cheeky smile. You guys had gotten on the topic of season one and you both had started comparing favorite lines from the show. Your heart was currently still stuck on, “This is an interesting little relationship you and I have.” Mads couldn't help but agree that it is a good quote and any girl would swoon being told that. I mean, that scene did cause that crush of yours on Charlie to spiral once more when you first started getting into the show after finishing Charmed a year prior. However, you did try to shove those feelings far far away. You didn’t want any awkward tension or teases from the cast...especially from Madison. That girl would never let you live it down, you blame the gen z matchmaker within her. You couldn’t help but compare the young teen to a little sister and you had grown quite attached to her as you worked together on set. You’d spent most of your days with her at work, and even spent some time outside of work going shopping for squishmallows, thrifting, or even just having small movie nights. You knew one day you’d tell the curly haired Latina your woes. Until then, it was more so sneaky remarks and avoiding any talks of relationships in general. You were glad she was so disinterested in romance due to her career. Even so, you really had to keep it on the downlow, especially after this conversation. You couldn’t have her knowing that it wasn’t just the quote that gave you butterflies in that scene.

“Honestly girl, I’m just excited to see more favorite quotes being posted once this new season is released,” Madison beamed before continuing, “We’ve already gotten so far into filming.”

She was right though. You knew there was going to be more fan art and new content being issued. You honestly couldn’t wait to finally be a part of the mix. You had a huge feeling that fans were either going to be jealous of you, be upset that you ruined their ship, or ship you endlessly with Reggie. Thankfully, the shipping couldn’t be spread to real life because of Jeremy’s marriage. That thought almost made you sigh in relief. Your upcoming scene with Jeremy was actually happening soon and the scene entails to where you first meet after a JATP performance. Your characters are meant to walk right into each other and thus develop into an instant attraction and soon your character’s backstory; why they’re a ghost.

Your response to Madison was a laugh and, “Oh yeah, let's hope it's nothing too crazy...if you get what I mean,” nudging her arm as you went on.

She scrunched her nose and this makes you belt into a laughing spree, to which she begrudgingly joins soon enough. Eventually three figures emerge into view, your favorite ghost boys are back from set. “What are you guys laughing about?” Charlie asked with a chuckle and smile.

“Oh, just the fandom and the interesting things that will be posted once the season is dropped,” Madison joked while emphasizing ‘interesting.’

The boys all groaned but still had huge smiles on their faces while they did so. We all knew sad or ‘spicy’ content would be posted, and no matter how awkward it could sometimes be, we still adored the effort fans put into their works. It was one of the most fulfilling parts of the job; the endless support you receive.

You couldn’t help but smile at the boys. “Honestly guys, I’m excited to see all the stuff that’ll be released,” You expressed excitedly.

You were almost hopping up and down and it took a lot for the group to not laugh at your excitement. They were used to this type of adoration, but they knew you weren't, and they couldn’t help but see a younger version of themselves in you. They all whooped in agreement and you brought the conversation full circle by bringing up favorite quotes. You couldn’t help but admire Charlie as he expressed his favorite scenes, quotes, and memes of the show. The way he expressed himself via his movements, the way his presence radiates, and how passionate he is, made your eyes instinctively glue to him. You knew the group was around and tried to keep your eyes off of him to avoid suspicion. Although, you couldn’t really help the heartfelt stare you shot his way anytime a laugh or smile came from the Canadian.

There were many moments within the month or so it’s been with the dork that had slowly but surely made his way into your heart. After all, you worked on set together, so it was only natural for you both to get as close as you have. You were okay with that for some time until the day you realized your “celeb crush” was much more than a small fascination and was developing into much more. You were a quarter into filming and were currently getting your makeup done before set. Your mind kept wandering while real life slowly faded in and out. Thoughts and the sounds around you blurred together until you felt the tingles through your scalp as your stylist fixed your hair. Now, you could not get this specific memory out of your head; it was as vivid as when you first experienced it.

It was just any other filming day and the cast was on lunch break after having filmed for 5 hours. You were dying to get something to eat or you felt like you’d hurl. So you scurried to the line and ordered your food before rushing to sit down. You were quick to scarf down your food before the rest of the cast could even manage to sit down. Mads sat down and noticed your now empty plate, “Damn girl. Your stomach really went ‘Es hora de comer.’”

You peered up at the girl with a grin and laughed at her tiktok reference. She recently got you caught up on the references, gen z humor, and even set up a tiktok account that you occasionally post on. “I was hungry, miss girl. They do be starving us on the regular,” You whined, “Also, not you teasing me for eating quickly when we both know that you are always eating, especially on Instagram Live.”

Your hint of sass was not missed and Mads makes sure to exaggerate her gasp by making it as loud as possible while clutching her chest. This makes you both burst into a fit of giggles. You weren’t really paying attention to your surroundings before a pair of hands made their way into your hair. A surge of tingles burst along your scalp and upper back. You had a feeling you knew who it was but looked up to confirm the culprit. Of course your eyes met Charlie’s and you couldn’t help but get lost in them for a second; his eyes were always a warmer shade when you peered into them. As the eye contact was made, you could feel his fingers curling into your hair as you let out a giggle and relaxed into his touch. You had gotten used to his affectionate behavior and your heart was quite fond of it now. After all, he’s been doing things like this for a while now. You give him a teasing smile before muttering a simple, “Hey.” He offers you a smile back and asks the famous Joey Tribbiani line, “How you doin’?”

“I’m doing good now that I’m not dying of starvation,” You explained. His response to get under your skin per usual was, “Oh, poor baby~” while ruffling your hair.

You were flustered but decided to scoff at his response. “You may be a tad older than me, C, but this ��poor baby’ can still kick your ass. Starvation is no laughing matter.”

You were only joking and the brunette could tell too. Even so, his hand tightened in your hair as your threat was still fresh in the air. If it weren’t for Madison laughing, you would have almost forgotten she was there. “You guys bicker like an old married couple,” she taunted.

Ever since that day you’ve craved nothing more than to be something more to him. It didn’t help when his love language is physical touch and he gives you cute nicknames; of course all of these were consented to and talked about. You both had spent time figuring out nicknames and even boundaries; which made you fall even harder for Charlie due to the man’s respect of others. Still, your brain relentlessly argued whether the actions were platonic or not. The memory of his touch still burned your skin with desire, and his eyes always seemed to captivate you, you know if you stared for too long, you’d be a goner. You wanted to tell him how much you loved him, but the impromptu feeling of rejection eased its way into your anxieties and you crumbled before it. So instead you’ve been endlessly daydreaming of what could be for the last month.

Your thoughts were once again interrupted by your stylist as she finished up your hairdo for the next scene you’d be filming. This scene entails a kiss scene with Reggie and you were dreading it entirely. It was bad enough that the man is married, but your feelings for Charlie, and brotherly relationship with Jer just made it worse. You were just hoping you wouldn’t have to reshoot too many times. You made your way to the set and as soon as you made it inside you spotted Charlie out of the crowd. You could already feel the tension throughout the room building. Anyone could see it; the anxiety of the shoot and the way you both stared at each other. You, with hope and him...well, you weren’t sure yet. It’s hard to pinpoint a single word for how he sees you when his eyes are so genuine and open to everyone he meets. You could only ever describe it as a warm feeling. Like, when you get freshly dried blankets out of your drying machine and bundle into them after a long rainy day.

Before you could manage to utter a response, Jeremy, who was at your side, whispers teasingly to you, “I do not like the energy we’ve created in the studio today.”

This broke you from your trance and you bursted into laughter. Of course the rest of the cast was confused at your outburst but you were thankful to have had Jeremy take off some of your stress. Jeremy was just as glad, after all, he noticed how your jaw was clamped tight and your arms were tense when entering the room prior. He took that as a small victory for the day. Of course that also didn’t go unnoticed from the Canadian across the room either.

After some time of filming, a lot of mess ups, and occasional chats, you managed to get to the 2nd to last scene of the day. Your character is arguing with Reggie. Both seemed to be annoyed with the other for avoiding each other. Thus, the scene is an argument. The next visual cues onto you. Your strands of locks were evident along your furrowed brow. Almost as if you were sweating from the heated argument that is occurring within the scene. The scene was written and described to have a lot of sexual tension without having to allude to anything crazy. The next shot is you screaming, “God why can’t you just man up for once and stop avoiding me? You can flirt with all the girls you want but can’t seem to even look me in the eyes. What is wrong with you?!”

After that it is supposed to pan to Reggie. Thus zooming into him with a hurt look all the while he looks from my eyes to my lips. Then he shouts while running up to me and cupping my face, “Because I’m in love with you and it scares me,” then crashing his lips into mine.

We’ve had to shoot this scene twice already for either cringing or messing up a line. However, this shot was the kicker because we both secretly agreed to imagine each other as the person we had feelings for.

The conversion with Jeremy had gone like this after the first few mess ups, “Okay so this isn’t working.”

To which you responded with a sigh, “yeah it’s just too weird...we keep letting our real lives divide us from our characters for this scene.”

He nodded his head in response before scratching his head. “How about we pretend that we aren’t talking to each other OR each other’s characters...and instead someone who holds our heart?” Jeremy offered thoughtfully.

You were shocked to have heard such a smart but scary plan. That’s when you paled, did he know of your crush? Before you could even ask he was quick to the punch. “I know. I figured it out after some time. The stares you gave him were a dead giveaway. I won’t tell anyone, but I think it would be a great way to get your feelings out there without having to subject yourself to that type of scenario right now. Use it for your gain and not your hindrance...if that makes sense?”

You couldn’t help but chuckle at the goofy brunette. He really was like family to you and he knew more about you than you expected. You were just glad you didn’t have to bottle it up from another person."I'm ready to try again, if you are?" Thus cueing to our now revised and improved scene. The scene now had so much pent up frustration and tension it was addicting to watch. No one could seem to tear their eyes away.

Thus, Kenny yelled cut and everyone was cheering. Everyone except Charlie, that is. You quickly looked at the male, his eyes for the first time since you met him were closed off and had a faraway look to them. Your feelings of dread and worry kicked in and you wondered what was wrong. Maybe you didn’t do the scene right? You weren’t honestly sure what to do in that moment, up until you felt Jeremy’s hand grab your shoulder and shake you slightly. “Hey, you did great! Our plan worked out well,” Jer made sure to mutter that last part.

He was now the only one who 100% knew of your feelings. You speculate that others are starting to catch on but weren’t sure entirely. Your response to him was, “Thanks, Jer. God I wish I could just say that to him myself, to be honest.”

Jeremy got a small chuckle out of that and pats your head before saying, “You’ll be ready one day...maybe sooner than later...mainly after that scene.”

You look at him questioningly before asking, “What is that supposed to mean?”

He shook his head and gave you a small smile before walking off. Now you were confused by two males in your life. “God, this is why I usually stick to female friends...at least there’s no riddles with women,” you thought to yourself.

You couldn’t manage to find Charlie after that scene and didn’t find him at all for the rest of the filming day. This aggravated you a lot because you were excited to hear the praise from him the most. After all, that was the most major scene in the entire season for your character. At times like this you wished you had Charlie’s number to just text him and see how he was doing. But even after all these months, you never managed to ask for his number. You guys would just rely on conversation at work. Plus you assumed he was the busy type and wouldn’t be on his phone often anyways. So instead you made your way to Jeremy after a few hours to see if anything was going on. He seemed just as carefree as usual, figures.

"He's been missing since the 2nd to last scene of the day and you're not worried?" You ask Jer.

“No, because you could always shoot him a text. I’m sure he’s alright and just needed time to cool off after filming,” Jeremy says but his voice doesn’t sound so confident. It almost seemed like he was lying.

“I don’t exactly have his number yet, bub,” you grumbled.

Jeremy laughed at your expression and nudged you, “Hey, cut me some slack, I’m trying to help.”

"If you give me his phone number, I might reconsider,” you say with a smirk and gleaming eyes. Jeremy contemplated it but thought it was best that the phone number was earned and not given out by someone else. Consent is key guys.

At some point you gave up searching for the man, “He’s an adult and can handle himself,” you thought.

You made your way to your trailer and you soon heard footsteps approaching you. Owen’s voice interrupted your thoughts, “Hey, are you okay? You seem kind of upset.”

You looked up to the blonde and gave him the sincerest smile you could manage. “Yeah…” your response was off timed and almost broken and was a dead giveaway that it was a lie. You scolded yourself for your horrible acting.

“I can tell you aren’t. Mind if we talk about it?” He asked softly. Of course you couldn’t say no to him, his offer was too sincere and heartfelt.

So instead you sighed and muttered, “Okay but in private. Come into my trailer.” He nodded his head in response and followed you inside.

“Where do I even start?” This was more so a question you were asking yourself and less so him.

“If you have to start with bullet points, that's totally fine,” he offered.

You nodded in relief and began listing your current issues. “Honestly, I’m worried about Charlie. Usually he’s in a chipper mood and always there to support me but today he was off. He looked so spaced out and I haven’t seen him at all since then. I was hoping for some sort of ‘congrats’ I guess. Plus, I’m scared I may have upset him somehow.”

You had sputtered some of the words so fast it took Owen a minute to process. Your anxiety spurred out of haywire as you waited for his response. Once he finally had collected the information and put two and two together, he hadn’t even responded to what you said and instead gasped and blurted, “Oh my god, you’re in love with him aren’t you?”

You couldn't manage to handle another person figuring it out and you froze on spot. A bunch of excuses filled your thoughts but nothing ever managed to come out. So instead you drop your head and offer a small nod to the smart blonde for connecting two and two together. You weren’t the only one now silent, for Owen was now just as shocked and processing what had just happened. Both tried to come up with something to say but fell short until you decided to speak up and say, “It started as a celebrity crush when I was first introduced to the show Charmed and then spiraled as I watched JATP. Now that I’ve gotten closer to him... the feelings aren’t a simple crush anymore. I’ve been trying, and for some reason failing, to keep it on the downlow so that I don’t make things awkward...or worse, ruin what I have with Charlie.”

You sigh and grip your arms before leaning against the wall and continuing, “Today he’s been acting distant with me and I’m not sure what I did wrong.”

Owen stayed silent as you spoke and took time pondering on what he should exactly say. After all, this is a tough situation to be in. “I don’t think it’s you,” he muttered and decided to trail on, “I think he’s just being overworked. Plus he could’ve been worried about your scene looking realistic..like maybe you were genuinely mad.”

You took in his words for a second. He did have a point after all. “Also, to your feelings for him...I was shocked to hear because I assumed it wouldn’t stir up until months later. No offense but you seem to be an oblivious person and I kind of assumed you wouldn’t realize for a while.”

You chuckled and wacked his arm playfully and he laughed as a response. “I think if your feelings become too much, you should talk to someone...or him,” he advised.

“I usually just vent to Jer...and well, now you,” you confessed before finishing with, “If it gets bad I’ll consider talking to Charlie. Until then, this stays between us.”

So now two people knew. Now for Mads to find out. All it takes is for one thing to happen...a failed cast movie night. You had thought of the idea of having a movie night at your apartment with the cast as a way to have a break from set. This allowed for more group bonding without work being involved. You invited everyone, even Charlie. After all, things were fine now. It had been a few weeks since that filming day with Jeremy and at some point Charlie seemed to be alright again. You had originally chosen to drop it and it stayed that way. Now, an hour before the movie night was supposed to commence, your “movie night” group chat buzzed with notifications. Everyone had different excuses for the random bails and last minute decisions. You were disappointed to say the least but accepted the fate. You laid on the couch for a little bit before deciding to pack everything up. That was until you heard a honk come from outside. You saw the familiar vermillion Subaru and the driver’s side tinted window rolled down before a mess of brown waves shot out. The bubbly brunette had a huge smile on his face. That smile of his was contagious and before you knew it your face broke into a large smile as well. You laughed before closing the curtain and rushing to set everything back up.

Soon enough you heard a knock on your door and you hustled to go open the door for Charlie. You whipped the door open and offered the dork a smile before ushering him in. “You didn’t have to go out of your way to come here. Mainly since everyone else bailed.” You said.

He gave you an awkward smile and said, “Yeah...but I wanted to come,” scratching his hair and then finishing with, “Plus it means we can talk about the movie without anyone whining.”

You giggle at him and shake your head slightly. You made your way to the microwave and flopped your popcorn bag into it before pressing the few buttons and starting it. The buzzing sound of the microwave filled the air as you grabbed a drink from the fridge. “Hey,” you called to the brunette that had already made himself comfortable on your couch, “Is there anything specific you want to drink?”

He gave you an answer and you made sure to offer him the drink before getting the popped popcorn from the microwave. You flopped down next to him and grabbed your remote. “Okay so I’m vibing with Halloween movies right now,” You state.

He pops a few pieces of popcorn into his mouth and agrees with the genre. “How about Hocus Pocus?” He offers.

You shake your head no, “I already watched it recently.” He gave you a shocked but pleased look.

“How about….Ooo how about Halloween Town? I grew up with the movies.” You said excitedly. His smile was just as big as yours.

“I grew up watching them too!” He announced gleefully.

So now begins your hours long movie adventure with the two of you. Currently, you both had somehow managed a cuddle position, sadly deemed platonic, where you were lying along his chest and side. You could feel the thumping of his heartbeat as you rested your head in the crook of his shoulder. His breathing was relaxing and kept you from being able to focus on the movie in front of you. At some points within the movie you could feel his thumb tracing circles along your side or arm. Those moments were a lot harder to breathe during and you had a lot of mental battles to make sure you could catch your breath. The snacks were already picked through and your drinks were long forgotten as you appreciated his presence alongside you. His laugh throughout some scenes always seemed addicting to hear and you’d rather listen to that than the movie right now. He always had a smile on his face, especially right now. You both had a good laugh at the cheap SFX makeup and low quality CGI. The acting was always so cheesy but you both couldn’t help but adore the nostalgia. It was nice to have someone else admire a classic with you.

You had moments where you almost could feel his gaze along your features and it took a lot of mental strength to pretend you couldn’t feel the tingles. You were sure you were just imagining things but curiosity kept getting the better of you. So you made a quick glance up at his direction as the movie neared its end. There was a huge smile on your face from the movie moments prior to your realization. Now your eyes met those same intoxicating viridescent ones and the intimate moments began once more. You flashed him a smile before looking back at the movie before you.

At some point at the end you blurted, “You know, if this movie were re-filmed, you would be a much better love interest for the series.” To which he gives you a perplexed look before giving you a crooked grin.

“Why do you say that?” He questioned with a slanted brow.

“Well, because this wouldn’t be the first time you’d be a love interest to a witch,” you started before adding, “as well as you’re amazingly talented at acting as love interests and just acting in general.”

He broke out into a huge grin before excitedly responding, “To be honest, I’d love to star in a remake of a childhood film I enjoyed, so yeah, I wouldn’t mind. I think it’d be fun!”

You couldn’t help but feel a sense of pride to know he was just as excited at the concept but also because he agreed with you without judgement. However, you could never admit to him that you also would love to see him play one of the love interests Marnie had because you always put yourself in Marnie’s shoes.

Alas, the movie came to an end and he needed to head home for the night. Begrudgingly getting up from the couch, you both had scrambled to pick up the mess you made. After you both finished, you walked him towards the door and you guys bid each other goodbyes, making sure to ask for each other’s phone numbers in advance. You took a deep exhale once the front door shut. It felt like you had been holding in your breath for the evening. You made your way to the bathroom to do your nightly routine before eventually heading to bed. You stayed up most of the night imagining his eyes, the way his chest shifted up and down when breathing, the gentle beating of his heart in your ears, and the laugh that echoed along the walls of your apartment. These thoughts made you feel warm and whole before eventually falling into a deep sleep.

The next day was busy and filled with life as you had more scenes that needed to be filmed. A lot of the cast kept offering you smiles and seemed more chipper than normal towards you. It was eerie and you kept wondering what they knew that you didn't. You could be wrong but it just didn’t feel right. You kept wondering what everyone knew and was doing before bumping into someone. A mess of dark unruly hair flashed into your perspective and you connected the dots as to who it was. Before you could say anything, she beat you to the punch, "I heard from Charlie that you guys had a movie night together,” Madison stated, almost trying to hint at something more. You had a feeling this possibly correlated with what everyone else was wondering or knew. Great, now everyone was beginning to know of your tragic crush on your coworker.

“Oh yeah we did…” You respond with a smile and hope she’d drop it at that.

“Well? What happened? I want all the details!" Mads pressed cheekily.

You begin your woes with Charlie and how the night had played out. Expressing your admiration for the movie, the things you did together, and even the conversation you had about wanting him to play in a remake.

"The way you flirt is shameful," Madison joked.

“Huh,” You questioned. Her saying that confused you because you never said anything about flirting.

“Oh come on, it’s obvious dude,” Mads admitted while elbowing your side with a grin.

“I’m not sure what you mean, Mads,” You argued with a small smile and teasing stare.

“It’s so obvious that you like him! I just didn’t want to say anything because I thought you hadn’t realized yet.” Mads declared with a knowing smile.

It’s sad to say but she was entirely right. You were horrible from keeping your feelings hidden and her realization just proves that statement. Even so, you were getting a good laugh out of this. “Okay okay, yeah I do and yes it is,” you responded to her statements honestly.

“I knew it! I’m just waiting for the marriage proposal and babies now.” Mads responded with a mischievous grin and hearty chuckle.

You couldn’t help but burst out laughing from her honest and wide stretched ideas. You knew there was a lot of teasing coming your way from now on. You were excited to experience it though, she always offered a good laugh and had great advice. Madison was really developing as her own person and was really mature for her age. You admired that in her. It’s just a little sad that you had to get advice and even be called out by a young teen.

Weeks had passed since the whole cast and Mads situation occurred. Currently, you’ve been chatting with Charlie on the daily over the phone. Whether it be a call or simple text, you always had something to look forward to during the day. Hell, you’d get an occasional meme or tiktok sent your way. There were days when you’d even film some tiktok challenges with him for fun. You had a blast whenever he was around and the comment section of both of your accounts were constantly spammed about your guys’ chemistry. Most people were supportive of your friendship and others were quick to ship you guys. You couldn’t deny that you were flustered by the overwhelming support and fanbase sent your way. Charlie always seemed so excited to read or show you the comments that came strolling in after posting anything with you two.

There were multiple times where you’d make eye contact or your faces would be super close together. Your breath would hitch every time and it took a lot to manage your breathing to be normal. You swore up and down this man made you develop asthma. You couldn’t help it, that man took your breath away. The subtle brushes of his hand on your side or arms were never overlooked. Or the way he’d occasionally grasp your hand when directing you somewhere. You noticed all of these little things he did when he was with you. You tried to brush it off as normal but you couldn't help but hope. Mainly when there were a few romantic challenges that you’ve done together online.

The slowburn was killing you. It was near your last few weeks of filming now. You didn’t know what to expect or think anymore. He is openly intimate with anyone he cares about, so it's hard to differentiate platonic from romantic. That was, until he called you randomly on your day off asking something very important. “Hey,” you can hear a small awkward chuckle before he continues, “There's something I need to get off my chest. I’ve been waiting a while to say this...you are always the one at the back of my mind, and I was wondering if I could take you somewhere...like on a date?”

You were silent for a moment. You didn’t expect that type of question out of the blue; let alone from him. Finally you managed to muster up the courage to respond after a few moments of silence, “Uh yeah! Where would we be going and what time?”

“The first part of your question is a surprise, and 8 pm. Dress cute and comfy.” He announced with a cheerful but playful tone.

You couldn’t help but giggle at his cuteness from over the phone. “Okay, I’ll see you then,” You responded with a goofy tone before hanging up.

Now your anxiety was spiraling. You had to figure out what to wear that could fit any occasion since it's a surprise. You knew it wasn’t some fancy dinner. He was more of the spontaneous adventure type for dates, at least, that what you assumed. So instead, you go for a cute pair of jeans, a cute top and flannel, and a few accessories. You paced around your room while contemplating what would occur tonight. You had an hour before he was coming to pick you up and you were trying to buy yourself time. So, you settled for scrolling tiktok and your other social media feeds. All of your content was booming with new likes, follows, and comments. It put a huge smile on your face from all of the support you were receiving before you heard a knock on your front door.

Before you could even say anything, the brunette was already leaning against the doorway and said with the all knowing accent, “How you doin’?”

You couldn’t help but laugh while hurriedly grabbing your keys and saying, “Oh come on Charlie, that’s so cheesy. You used that as a pickup line, really?”

“Hey hey now, they’ll be plenty more before this is over. You might as well accept it,” he cheekily taunts.

While shaking your head and laughing, you make your way out the door and to his vehicle. You see him rush past you to be at the passenger side before you make it and he opens the door as you get closer. You smiled at the thoughtful action and decided not to mention it just yet. You adjusted yourself into the seat before buckling up and looking at the radio. “Hey, could I use the aux cord to play some music?” You ask quickly.

He looks over at you before nodding his head and handing you the cord. You plug it into your phone before shuffling through your playlists to pick a song. All the while Charlie is pulling out of the apartment complex parking zone. Soon you finally manage to pick a song and immediately click it. You adjusted the volume while waiting for the first tune to come out. Soon enough the song began. “Ba ba da da. Ba ba da da. Ba ba da da. Ba ba da da. Ba ba da da”

You were already goofily singing along and tapping the beat along the dashboard. Soon enough the singing began, “Take a look at my girlfriend. She's the only one I got (ba ba da da) Not much of a girlfriend; I never seem to get a lot (ba ba da da, ba ba da da). It's been some time since we last spoke. This is gonna sound like a bad joke, but momma I fell in love again. It's safe to say I have a new girlfriend.”

He was staring at you as he sang along to the lyrics; never breaking eye contact as the song continued. You wondered what it would be like to be called his girlfriend and introduced to his family. You’d never met them before but you hear amazing stories all the time from the bubbly brunette beside you.

“And I know it sounds so old, but cupid got me in a chokehold, and I'm afraid I might give in. Towels on the mat my white flag is wavin'. I mean she even cooks me pancakes and Alka Seltzer when my tummy aches. If that ain't love then I don't know what love is.”

You pondered what it would be like to have breakfast with him or to be around on his sick days. Those were vulnerable moments in a person’s life and it made you crave that even more.

“We even got a secret handshake”

You guys did have a ‘secret’ handshake. It originated sometime during a tiktok because you thought it would be a great filler moment for one of the videos.

“And she loves the music that my band makes”

You adored JATP and Sunset Curve. You listened to the first season’s Now or Never on repeat. You adored anything that had to do with his voice, honestly. Some of his covers on tiktok and Instagram were shamelessly saved. You’d go back and listen to them when you needed a “pick me up.”

“I know I'm young but if I had to choose her or the sun, I'd be one nocturnal son of a gun.”

It was true. If any moments with him meant losing time in the day, it was well worth it. Even so, you both were screaming along to these lyrics and had huge smiles the entire time. The chorus played out the speakers and along the walls of the car once more before continuing with, “It's been a while since we talked last and I'm tryin' hard not to talk fast, but dad I'm finally thinkin' I may have found the one. Type of girl that will make you way proud of your son.”

God, you crave the acceptance of his family. It was eating at you constantly. You weren’t even dating the guy yet and already worried for the day you had to prove yourself to the family that helped him become the man he is today. That’s a lot to handle for someone mentally, mainly if they don’t end up liking you. They’re his flesh and blood and you’d never want to come between that.

“And I know you heard the last song about the girls that didn't last long, but I promise this is on a whole new plane. I can tell by the way she says my name (ba ba da da)”

You pondered for a moment who he might have dated and his love life in general. After all, were you his normal type? Do you have an effect on him? You brushed away the thought as the next lyrics played, “I love it when she calls my phone. She even got her very own ringtone. If that ain't love then I don't know what love is (ba ba da da)”

You smiled at the thought of him possibly looking forward to your random calls about whatever you were thinking about at the moment. You were always excited to receive a call from him. You’d always hear the ringtone for him which was currently set to ‘Yellow’ by Coldplay. After all, he was your yellow. But you did wonder what yours might’ve been on his. Hell, knowing him he’d probably just left it to the generic tone or a funny one.

“It's gonna be a long drive home but I know as soon as I arrive home, and I open the door, take off my coat and throw my bag on the floor. She'll be back into my arms once more for sure.”

You wished for the day you were together and could experience that level of comfort. Hoping for the day you could come home from a tiring day at work and just bask in the comfort of your partner’s arms. You imagined it for a little while longer while the chorus continued once again. You couldn’t help but space out and daydream for a different time. You knew Charlie was probably looking at you like you were crazy for spacing out randomly but you couldn’t seem to break your thoughts away.

“She's got a smile that would make the most senile, annoying old man bite his tongue. I'm not done. She's got eyes comparable to sunrise and it doesn't stop there. Man, I swear, she's got porcelain skin of course she's a 10, and now she's even got her own song. But movin' on, she's got the cutest laugh I ever heard and we can be on the phone for three hours; not sayin' one word. And I would still cherish every moment, and when I start to build my future she's the main component. Call it dumb, call it luck, call it love, or whatever you call it but everywhere I go I keep her picture in my wallet like here.”

You were still in your own little thoughts while these lyrics played. Even when spaced out, you could still see the figure beside you absolutely jamming along to the lyrics like he meant every word. He was so expressive and happy as he sang along. He was in his element and you adored it. You slowly stopped spacing out and focused on the man beside you as he continued to sing along.

Charlie stopped at the red light, just as the last few moments of the chorus played along in the background. You were belting along again and acting out the lyrics in your own charming way. Your hair illuminated from the sun’s warm glare and your skin was shining in an almost ethereal-like way. Your body language screamed serenity and fluidity. He couldn’t help but be enraptured by your free spirit. His gaze was solely focused on you as you sang along, almost as if he was scared to look away for he’d miss a single moment of you. Both parties could feel the positivity and connection radiating off each other. As the song neared its end, you sat back breathless from your little show-stopping performance. You finally turned back to Charlie and you couldn’t help but feel a little embarrassed by his expression. It was pure awe and it made you feel flustered. His stare was piercing and shined with adoration. His smile was wider than any other moment you’ve ever experienced with him.

“Why are you staring at me like that?” You asked with a bashful smile while brushing a strand of hair behind your ear.

He chuckled before responding, “Can’t I just admire you for a second? I don’t see this often.”

You were confused by his statement at first, that was until you realized what his words truly meant. You had shown a part of yourself that others rarely see, the goofy and open side. Yes, you goofed around with friends and cast members but you still had your timid or closed-off self. However, this is the side of yourself that oozed confidence, and only he got to experience it at this moment. Which was something you’d both treasure from this moment forward. You’d thankfully managed to notice the light had turned green in the nick of time.

“C, the light is green!” You warned but had a huge smile on your face as you said so.

“I know,” he said teasingly while staring at you for a moment longer before driving once more.

You pulled up to the park where you could almost make out something in the distance. It appeared to be a few things laying out on the grass. One of those things being a square shape, probably a blanket. Putting two and two together, you realized it was a picnic date. Your heart swelled at the wholesome idea and admired him for the effort. You hadn’t even seen the entire setup and were already swooning. You look up at him and give him a lovesick smile before he quickly shuffled out of the door and ran to your side. He was a helpless romantic and believed chivalry wasn’t dead. So being the gentleman he was, he opened the door for you and offered you his hand so it would be easier to leave the Subaru. You giggle and say, “such a gentleman.”

He flashes you another smile before saying, “You deserve the world. I may not be able to offer much, but for you, I’ll do anything.”

Your heart felt like it was beating out of your chest at the response he gave you. It wasn’t something you were used to from him. It was endearing, to say the least. You both made your way to your picnic spot. A soft blanket and cute basket were laying out. There was even a bouquet of your favorite flowers and his guitar laying along the grass. All of your favorite snacks and drinks were inside the basket. You were giddy as you looked at everything before you. “This is so sweet, C.” you gushed.

“I wanted to prove to you that I take your heart seriously and that I care.” He seemed shy while he spoke but his eyes were open and honest. He meant every word.

“You have nothing to prove, that you haven’t already, Gillespie.” You teased while softly punching his arm.

He playfully hit back as he responded, “I know but I still wanted to.”

“Fair. Okay, what do you want to do?” You asked.

The poor guy blanked for a moment. He seemed at a loss at your question. “Honestly, I’m not sure. I didn’t think I’d get this far,” he admitted.

You laughed before asking, “Why’s that?”

He chuckled before his face switched to a more serious note, “I always thought of you as unobtainable. You were so interesting and motivated and open to others. I didn’t know if you saw me as anything more than a friend. It started as an attraction but soon I had gotten really close with you and it developed into more. By then I was scared that if I said something, I could lose you.”

You were frozen. You didn’t anticipate this type of response. After all, these are only things you’d experience in fanfiction. It made you feel special. If it wasn’t for the fact that you were in public, you’d probably cry. You’d been dying to hear his side and now you finally have.

“In all honesty, I felt the same way. That you were unattainable, that is.” You responded while looking down.

You kept peering down at the blanket before feeling his hand cup your cheek and tilting your head up. Your eyes met his own before the question left his lips, “And why’s that?” By now if any oxygen was entering your lungs, you damn well couldn’t feel it. His gaze was paralyzing and it took a few moments for you to break away from it. You shifted back a bit to give your heart the break it needed before finally speaking up, “Because. You are you. This lovable and goofy guy. You are adventurous and never take no for an answer. You push others to be their best. You never speak of romance and you always seemed more interested in popular celebrities.”

He chuckled at your response. “Hey! Don’t laugh at me, this is embarrassing to admit,” You whined. You tried to hide the small smile making its way onto your face.

“I’m not laughing at you. Just at the thought that we both thought the other wasn’t interested. I mean come on! Oh, and hey, never be embarrassed to be open with me. I say embarrassing things and do embarrassing things all the time.” He opened up.

“Okay, so what’s one thing you are embarrassed to admit?” You asked curiously. The question honestly intrigued you and his response even more so. Plus, it made it easier to avoid continuing the awkward things you said prior.

“I may have tipped everyone off to not come to your movie night months ago so I could finally have alone time with you,” He answered honestly. You were shocked by two things in that sentence; his boldness and that he had done something like that to gain your attention.

“If you wanted to spend time with me, all you had to do was ask!” you shrieked before pushing his shoulder playfully.

You both were laughing and enjoying the honesty. You never expected him to be the sneaky type and plan something like that. However, it did make a lot of sense looking back. Now it was time for him to ask something, and of course, he continued the intimate questionnaires. “Why did you choose to come with me tonight?” he asked curiously.

He seemed invested by your answer but you could tell by his body language that he was a little antsy. He was brushing his arms and shifting his legs a lot while he waited for you to answer. “I thought, well, for once in my life I should make a decision for myself that would be adventurous, put me out of my comfort zone, and just to let me be happy. I didn’t expect you to ever actually ask me out, but I’m glad you did.” You answered honestly.

He seemed bewildered by your response but still broke out into his heart-stopping grin. You really did know how to blow the man away every time you showed another side of yourself. The questions continued for what seemed like hours and it was now dark out. Even so, the conversation was just as lively and Charlie couldn’t help but stare at you. Your eyes were sparkling from the night’s ever glowing moon. He could only gaze at your face and appreciate your features; your lashes hiding the gleam in your eyes and the soft crinkles of your lids. A hearty chuckle belted out of those lips; the ones he so desperately wanted to kiss. As you continued to banter for the rest of the night, he could never manage to tear his eyes away from your face and he liked it that way.

As the conversation continued and got more intimate so did your closeness. Now, his lips are mere centimeters from you; feeling his breath ghost your lips...and all you could manage to describe this moment as is intoxicating. His eyes drifted longingly between your lips and eyes before you could just barely feel his lips lift into a smirk. Just then when all else felt like it had disappeared around you and the pale moonlight lit up your figures, he grasped your waist and the impossible became possible as his hand gripped you and pulled you into a kiss; one that ignited something inside of you, inside of himself. Others always described having the kiss from “the one” as fireworks but in reality, it felt different. Fireworks are quick and go out just as they start...this was something entirely more addicting. You’d describe this kiss as tingly, but not the type of tingles you feel when cold, instead, something that engulfs your entire body and you can’t help but feel weak to it. You fall prey to the feeling of warmth and lightheadedness it offers. All the while trying to manage to gasp for air while you can hear your heart beating in your ears. You were almost entirely sure he could probably feel your heart beating out of your chest. “Maybe sometimes slow burn is okay for the plot,” you thought to yourself while still locking lips with the Canadian actor. Was it simply luck that caused you to meet him that fateful day...or was it the universe giving you the answers you needed all your life? The answer is...your spark.

#charlie gillespie #charlie gillespie x y/n #charlie gillespie x reader #x reader #fanfic #fanfiction #third person #jatp fic #coworkers #coworker au #madison reyes #owen joyner #jeremy shada #oneshot #one shot #romance #actor au

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