#chicken crossing the road joke

[ghost-format]

Red Robin Tim Drake, but he’s a chicken

He’s standing on one side of a road, with a little though bubble from him that says

“I can’t cross that line”

[tilbageidanmark]

To get to the other side.

[thewizzard767]

The Brainrot 1: Patient Zero

AND SO IT BEGAN. This was back in 2018, when I had just found out about Undertale, namely the funny skeletons. I quite literally traced over the sprites and started working from there. And good heavens. I never stopped.

[captainclickycat]

I feel like one really annoying aspect of the rampant spread of internet misinformation is the way people just make no distinction between speculation and fact. Like the second anyone suggests that there’s a possibility of something being true, certain people will automatically take that to mean it is true.

Say if some film star gets a divorce, he and his ex-wife give a boring generic statement to the press along the lines of “we grew apart, we wanted different things, please respect our privacy at this difficult time, blah blah blah” but somebody on the internet (maybe someone with personal beef, or a tendency to get a little overexcited about potential drama or their ability to gauge supposed “subtext”, or maybe they assume breakups only ever happen for some dramatic reason like this, or they’re just bored) says “hey, do you think he cheated on his wife? I think this vague thing she said in an interview definitely implies that he cheated on her. And he got into a new relationship quite quickly. I think he probably maybe cheated on his wife.”

…And people will just read that and go “oh my god, is that true?? I can’t believe he cheated on his wife” and then this rumour sort of makes its way around the internet with nobody bothering to differentiate between whether it’s an established fact or whether it’s just a vague possibility someone threw out based on not very much information at all. Then before you know where you are a lot of people have just accepted it as something that happened. “Hey, did you hear that guy cheated on his wife?” “I stopped watching his films because I heard that he cheated on his wife” “omg I can’t believe you’re still supporting this guy…”

Did Film Star Guy actually cheat on his wife? Who knows. Whether he did or not isn’t really the point. The point is that the people confidently spreading this rumour around don’t actually know either. They just act like - and sometimes genuinely believe - they do.

Sometimes it’s just a bit annoying. Like you can imagine a lot of incorrect “common knowledge” and urban myths get spread around this way with nobody actually bothering to stop and check if they’re true (because as long as it sounds plausible, right?) and it’s always just a little bit irritating to see people running around confidently spouting wrong information because another person pulled it out of their arse on twitter.

But on the other end of the spectrum it can have some pretty dire consequences if, for example, someone decides to take advantage of the rumour mill with internet “callout posts” in order to drag someone’s name through the mud and get them harassed. (Honestly, even if the instigator isn’t even doing it out of malice, and just made an honest mistake or read something a little tone-deaf in the worst possible faith.)

It’s not even always a case of people believing lies, just people making zero mental distinction between “maybe” and “definitely”. And it’s incredibly frustrating.

[qonderstruck]

WHADDUP TUM BUGS IT'S ME, YA GIRL

my pals told me to put this here, so it's also your problem now.

Cheers.

(this was like ten pages long last time I checked so if you're not ready to commit to the bit just keep scrolling my guys/gals/non-binary pals/ect. On with the program.)

...

Orange You Glad I Didn’t Say Banana?

Knock, knock, knock. The bangs on the door shake the entire apartment, as they gradually grow louder, and more impatient. Knock. Knock. Knock. The owner groans as he groggily wakes up from his slumber on the old, crusty, couch. He looks towards the digital clock on the coffee table to the side of the couch, the one closest to his head. It’s supposedly often that he finds himself like this. And though he so often finds himself like this, he doesn’t move the clock, or the table for that matter, to the other end of the couch to save him from contorting his neck. 2AM. Who on earth would want him at this hour? He himself could only name a few.

Knock, knock, knock. “Open up, we know you’re in there.”

“Who is it?” 

“It’s the police. We have a warrant”

The once sleepy suspected perp quickly stumbles off of the couch and towards the door, his heart beat racing. There was one thing going through his mind-- Shit, shit, SHIT! as he slowly opens the door. It is then quickly thrown open by the pertaining officer from the other side, and the rest of the police force pile into the small city apartment. The lights are quickly flicked on, and now everybody can be seen. The owner winces at the newly prominent source of light.

“Who are you?”

“Officer Apple of Seedcinati City Police Department,” Officer Apple says, pointing his gun at the confused fruit in front of him, “Put your stem where I can see ‘em.”

“What? What the hell are you talking about?” 

“Barry B. Nana, you are under arrest for extortion, and other gang related crimes.”

“Gang related…? Wait--”

“You have the right to remain silent, anything you say can and will be held against you in the court of law--”

“WAIT!!!”

The room is stunned to silence. B. Nana huffs. “I was never part of a gang, and I most certainly never partook in any form of extortion. You have the wrong guy. But…” Nana pauses for a brief moment, “I think I know who you’re looking for.” 

🍎🍌🍊

“It should all be right here.”

“We thank you for your cooperation, Mr. Nana. But we’re still going to need you to come in for further questioning” Officer Apple replies.

“Yeah, yeah, I get it.”

Officer Apple nods. “We’ll see you in court Mr. Nana.”

“See ya then, I guess. I gotta split.”

As Officer Apple leaves to exit the building, it looks as if a discernible amount of weight is lifted off of him.

“We’re finally going to get this asshole”

🍎🍌🍊

“Officer Apple, sir? Chief Choke wishes to see you.”

Officer Apple is busy pushing pens at his desk and staring off into space. He gives the secretary a half-hearted answer. “Thank you Cherry, I’ll go see him as soon as I can.”

Cherry puts her foot down. “He would prefer it if you went now, sir.” 

Officer Apple sighs. “Very well then.”

The door to the Chief of Police’s office opens slowly with a creak. Officer Apple enters. “Hey Artie, what’s up? You look pretty beaten up.”

Chief Choke lets out a long sigh. “Not as beaten up as Barry B. Nana, unfortunately,” he says as he slides a pile of photographs and write-ups across his desk. Officer Apple takes a seat, and shuffles through the papers. “He was found dead in an alley near his apartment. Pretty beat up too, his peel pretty bruised. Insides mashed out onto the sidewalk. We suspect that is was--”

“Orange” Officer Apple interrupts. Chief Choke nods. “Son of a bitch.”

🍎🍌🍊

“Hey Honey, how was work?” Clementine, Officer Apple’s wife says from the kitchen.

Officer Apple doesn’t say a word as he walks in the door, over to his living room, and falls into his reclining chair with a loud sigh. 

“That rough, Mac?” Clementine says as she walks over.

Apple sighs again. “It’s just that no matter what we do, no matter how hard we try, we just can’t seem to catch this guy. We finally had leads, but now the guy giving us to them is dead, and its just--I just--” Apple tries to finish, but he begins to break down. Clementine gets down closer to his level and holds him.

“I know that it’s been rough for you ever since Peary died. He was more than just a partner to you--he was your best friend.”

Apple sniffles. “ I just--I just--maybe catching the guy that killed him will bring me some peace.”

“I know Mac,” Clementine answers, “But catching a perp can’t bring him back. You haven’t been sleeping, and you’ve been working so late. Peary would want you to be healthy.”

“I know Clemmy, I know.” Apple rests his head onto her. “Hey, Clemmy?”

“What is it, Dear?”

“Thank you.”

🍎🍌🍊

“Data says that they should be right there.”

“Roger” Officer Apple speaks into the headset.

“Wait, Officer Apple, don’t go any further we just got word that--” the line cuts out.

“Hello? Hello? Ava, are you there? Ava Cado, are you there?” He quickly realizes. “Shit, the line’s busted. Guess I have to go into this myself then.” 

Officer Apple slinks around the halls of the abandoned warehouse. This is it. This is where all the pieces lie. Orange has to be here. This hell can finally be over. “I can finally bring Peary’s killer to justice.” Adrenaline rushes through Officer Apple, which would normally be welcomed, but right now it is distracting him from the questions he should be asking himself right now, such as ‘where is the rest of his squad?” But Officer Apple is too filled with vengeance to even think straight, which is why as soon as he comes to the door, he opens it.

The door leads to a large, mostly empty room, save for a metal chair, the figure sitting on top of it, and the person standing behind it, in the shadows. The person sitting on top of the chair is easily explainable--it’s Orange, the fruit Apple had sworn to bring to justice. But the one behind him was harder to explain. As Apple realized, his face dropped, because it was--

“Clementine! What--what on earth are you doing here?” 

Clementine steps closer towards the light, tears in her eyes. “I’m sorry Apple, really, I am.”

“I needed a man from the inside,” Orange spoke up, “But I couldn’t just quite get anyone from your little force willing to tie on. Not even your little pear friend.”

Apple’s heart dropped and his voice changed into a weak whisper “Peary.”

Orange continued, “So I had to get rid of him.”

“You monster!”

“Oh, but that’s not all. I realized that I had to go deeper. Besides, anyone will talk once enough is on the table.”

Apple averted his gaze from Orange and switched it to focus on Clementine. “Clemmy? You? Why you? How could you do this to me?” Tears began to cloud his vision, “How could you!”

Clementine merely just looked away, not possessing the strength to face him like this. 

Apple asked again--”How could you Clemmy, how could you?” 

“It’s not you Mac, it’s me” she replies while taking out the handgun she was hiding behind herself.

“But I loved you!”

“Love is what brought you here, isn’t it?” Orange laughs maniacally while taking out a gun of his own. “It led you here, to this empty warehouse! It led you here to your demise!” Orange cocks back his gun.

Three gunshots go off in the warehouse. 

🍎🍌🍊

Juice splattered the walls, bright red and orange colored peels littered the ground. The smell of citrus stained the surrounding air. The room is as silent as Orange’s still body on the ground--wounded with two bullets, one lodged in the front, the other in the back. Well, almost completely silent. Apple is gasping loudly for air, roughly a quarter of his body now dislodged from himself and browning in color. As he huffs and tries to hold on for his dear life Seedcinati’s EMS squadron pummels through the door. They load his nearly lifeless body up onto a stretcher, and carry him away. But a third body was missing--Clementine was nowhere to be seen. Maybe she escaped to Orangentina, or Pearis. Maybe she went to stay with her cousin, Lulu Lemon. Who could really know? 

🍎🍌🍊

“I want to thank everyone who gathered here today,” started Mayor Rudy Baga, standing rigidly at the microphone of his podium, “This matters more than you know.” He pauses.

“Officer Macintosh Apple. What can I say? He was a coworker. A husband. A friend. But more importantly,” Mayor Baga wipes a slight tear from his eye, “He was a hero. Officer Apple, please come up here to accept your award.” 

Officer Apple still looks a little roughed up, banged and bruised. He is currently confined to a wheelchair, being wheeled by Chief Artie Choke. Chief Choke has a pep in his step, and is beaming nearling as bright as Apple, who looks more relaxed than ever. Mayor Baga turns to look at him.

“Officer Apple it is my honor to bestow upon you the Seedcinati Hero Award. You have displayed not only courage, but also great willpower whilst you worked to bring down the dastardly gang led by the notorious Orange, who ran this city like a plague. After all of this stress you have experienced from cracking down on this case, I hope your retirement is a restful one. Once again, it is my honor to present this to you.”

“Thank you Mayor Baga.”

Mayor Baga leans down closer to Apple’s ear and away from the stand’s microphone to give him the award. “You’re a good seed, Mr. Apple.”

...

i am ✨so sorry✨

[aliciasfantasyxox]

tell us a joke

Why did the chicken cross the road.

To get to the other side

[pageroastthepig]

[oli]

A chicken ran across the road in front of me yesterday and no one was around to hear my joke

🐓

So I made the obvious joke to myself and still laughed. 😂

[galaxina-the-pyro]

…I just learned that “to get to the other side” in the “why did the chicken cross the road” was referring to heaven…😳 the joke is that the chicken wanted to kill itself.

It took me over twenty years for that to click.

[true-blue-sonic]

Silver probably laughs at like, every joke before saying it

It wouldn't be a full-on loud belly laugh kind of chuckle, but you can definitely tell that he's about to pop a joke by the way his lips twitch up and the fact he's just a little bit giddy, haha. And thus it comes out all awkward and the punchline gets rather lost in it all. Though, I can imagine Silver only does so at what I would call Actual Jokes, so the ones where you begin with a question that leads to a silly answer or an intentional funny statement that has no direct connection with the situation at hand. For quips and the like that refer to a thing he and someone else are going through, I don't think he would laugh about them beforehand. Speaking of, I can't recall Silver's ever made Actual Jokes before in the games, has he?

[nomaishuttle]

sry ik 90% of my posts sound like if jerry seinfeld was a mentally ill 18 year old faggot but like. whats a guy to do. airline food is fucking plain okay.

[rock-reblogs]

ID: a chicken walking across a road with a cartoon thinking bubble reading "I have my reasons" /end ID

[captainclickycat]

Once again feeling the urge to remind people not to just blindly believe a claim that's ultimately rooted in speculation and the fine old art of Making Shit Up just because it sounds plausible and it would be cool if it was true.

Like yes, I know the idea that "news" stands for "notable events, weather and sports" is a satisfying one. I know it sounded clever when that person posited the idea to you. I know it would make sense as a linguistic development. Still doesn't mean it's true tho.

[wavypurples]

Why did the wheelchair man cross the street?

He didn't.

[nickthesteamengine]

Blasting through with Sonic Speed while crossing the road!!!!

[mistfunk]

Mistigram: #WhyDidTheChickenCrossTheRoad? You don't need to come up with an answer to that old chestnut today, but AdeptApril has illustrated it in #ANSIart in honour of the occasion of National Tell An Old #Joke Day.