#check out my friend’s comms!!!
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seumyo · 22 days ago
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“finally wearing your tie correctly, huh?” she asks cheekily. “it only took you like, how long? eight years?”
he huffs, “i wore it just fine during our second year, dummy.” he glances at her, momentarily unable to say anything. “had to make this one perfect.”
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modernchemical · 2 months ago
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GUYS IM DOING COMMISSIONS!
hey im finally doing commissions. prices are as low as $10!
here is my commission sheet and ToS
here is a google form to submit a commission request!
i'm an artist without a job who has been unfortunately stripped of my schooling and student housing until next year, and needs to get by somehow lol. examples of my work in the commission sheet, please dm me for more info!
<3 - MC
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tv1xx · 11 months ago
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HERE: INVINCIBLE AND YUGIOH ARC V! CROSSOVER!
Thank you to the lovely @ dp_gxts on Instagram for drawing my two evil boys. They are ready for a duel (and to take your soul)
(I don’t know your tumblr if you have one, SORRY, they did give me permission to post this though!)
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ian-bean-92 · 7 months ago
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A little surprise I drew for my BFF cause they've been meaning to design their fursona but I know life gets complicated
Also I wanted to draw something cute with the 2 of us 🙂
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heartorbit · 2 years ago
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artfight attack for ~mavv!
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teadocs · 4 months ago
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“Vic” by P0pvip
Drawn for Artfight 2024!
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riddleturner · 8 months ago
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experimenting a bit w a chibi style !! my darling bard (whore) sebastian ❣️🫐 been doing my best to get his page updated for this year's artfight -- hope to see yall there !!!
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eggbagelz · 1 year ago
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2 n 3 for the ask game :)
2.) Do you drink tea or coffee? How do you take it?
I like both- idk unless the tea is fruit/mint/green tea i always have my tea/coffee with sugar and milk
3.) What was the last song you listened to?
Start me up by the rolling stones!
[Get nosy!]
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lvmbien · 2 years ago
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commission for friend!! [ character belongs to @nhil <3 ]
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todayisafridaynight · 2 years ago
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any post y3 mine thoughts? because I just want him to be happy
oh i got Y3 mine thoughts but i don't know if i'd call them happy
surviving the fall leaves him hospitalized for a while, the duration of his stay leaving him alone since he's considered dead by all his past associates.
there's a chance that katase gets to know he's alive on account of probably being the only public contact he has. in the event she does visit, she's more so shocked and at a loss for words and doesn't make her visit long (he probably tells her the truth of what happened- he's generally an open book like that, but again what can you really say to your boss telling you he tried to kill himself and you two don't really have much of a friendship). Good Ending is that katase makes it known how she actually does care about him beyond being her boss and the two gradually become friends (or mine's at least more open to accepting her as a friend- he might still be the tiniest bit wary she's only worried about him for business purposes), helping him get back into his old life
he's given a lot of time to think, especially about what kiryu's said to him. but once he's discharged, he doesn't make an attempt to return to the tojo: he still believes he's irreparably wronged daigo and reasons he would be better without mine around
whether he goes back to his old company or try to jump start a new one in order to lay low's up in the air for me tbh, but i imagine he goes with the latter- probably doesn't want to chance anyone finding him again, at least not immediately. for giggles i like to imagine he sets up in ijincho: the place where everyone who should be dead but isn't winds up (visiting Survive, him and The Bartender seem to have a quiet agreement not to talk to each other very long)
his life generally goes back to the way it was, but he can't deny there's still a hollow hole in his chest. despite his new efforts, it's hard for mine to move on from the first and only person he's ever loved: mine was the one considered dead, yet he grieves daigo as though he actually did die that night
on occasion, he visits kamurocho for business purposes and tries not to linger too long. occasionally he catches daigo's limo or daigo himself around the city, and when he does he's quick to exit the area and tries not to stare too long- he just doesn't want to be seen, that's all.
maybe after daigo and watase disband the yakuza, mine privately invests in their new security business. he might not be there to help in person, but the least he can do is provide financial support form the shadows- it's nothing new to him anyhow
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astranine101 · 9 months ago
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Bang Bang!
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A commission I did for my friend Snuff! This is his OC Juniper! (check his stuff out btw he's so cool and awesome <3 https://toyhou.se/snuffmutt ) I was definitely listening to BANG BANG by K'naan while drawing this...
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sistertotheknowitall · 1 year ago
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Masterpost
“But to the BatFam? That is just Some Guy. A random dude - if you will.”
“Don’t worry about it, I’m missing my spleen.”
“Oh cool, yeah, missing organs suck. I’m missing a kidney and part of my liver. Oh! And my gallbladder but that was more of a necessary evil, it was like, poisoning me or something.” Danny was so focused on applying pressure to his wound (and maybe being a bit too light headed) that he didn’t notice how silent his friend had gotten. Like-wise the comms had gone equally quiet as Gotham’s vigilante family realized that they knew very little about this kid.
It was concerning how quickly they all started to see him as a friend considering it was them as vigilantes he interacted with the most. Tim was the only one who saw him frequently when out of the suit because he was a regular at Danny’s day job. (He worked as a barista in the coffee shop Tim favored.) The others saw him occasionally but more often than not it was just in passing. Steph, Duke, and Dick had to stop themselves from approaching him on the street.
It was odd, one day he had just moved to Gotham, seeming to appear out of nowhere, and then the next he was a constant presence in their lives. Usually armed and ready with a concerning or odd quip, it had started with him being another victim of the city’s petty criminals and had snowballed from there.
Now it wasn’t like the bats saw Danny everyday, but it was expected that he would cross paths with at least three of them before the end of the week. They ran into him more often than any other Gothamite, including the criminals and rouges they fought.
At first the constant meetings by “coincidence” was suspicious. If he wasn’t the one being saved from a mugging, kidnapping, or city wide villain assault, then he was near by and trying to help.
(“Trying to help” usually meant drawing attention to himself so the original victim could escape. Once it had meant Danny armed with a baseball bat against four grown men. Bruce and Dick have tried to talk to him about putting himself in harms way but the kid is surprisingly elusive when he wants to be. Yet, even when avoiding Batman and his eldest, Danny could be found on the patrol route of another family member.)
But honestly? The guy seemed just as exhausted as they were of seeing each other. By the twelfth time in a month, Danny had accused them of stalking him.
The background check Bruce and Tim had run came back clean and he never seemed to be involved in the various criminal activities. He was just there, a weirdly unlucky bystander. So as far as Dick and the others could see, Danny was a completely normal dude. He just said strange things and wasn’t intimidated by them, he actually made it a point to be unhelpful sometimes. When trying to learn his name he gave them the run around for two months. (“I know about stranger danger. I don’t care how often you say you’re the ‘good guys.’ I’m not falling for it.”)
On one memorable occasion Danny had disappeared for a week and a half. When they started to assume the worse, he popped back up behind the counter at work. Tim had relaxed significantly when he entered the shop to Danny organizing pastries in the display case. Once he’d placed his order, the young CEO asked Danny if he’d been on vacation. To which Danny had just sighed and told Tim “I wish, but no I was called to court to handle some affairs I couldn’t get out of.” (After a check to see if Danny had gotten charged with something and coming back empty, Tim had concluded that it was an odd way to say he had had jury duty.)
Thinking about it now, outside a stray comment or two, Danny didn’t talk about himself or his life. They knew he didn’t have a good relationship with his parents, “they were much more goal oriented than that joke of a kidnapper, but I think drugs do that to a person.” (It was still unclear if he meant his parents were kidnappers themselves or on drugs.) They knew he had an older sister who would “kill me again if she finds out I was in another bank robbery.” They also knew he was, possibly, depressed after last week’s comment of “is it considered murder if you’re already dead but, like, still alive?” (Damian had saved him from a drug ring but after another “baby ninja” comment the young Robin had threatened to give Danny back to his would-be murderers.)
Dick knew Danny was a weird guy who never wanted to elaborate on the things he said. (Jason was still confused on what he meant by “rotted milk soul.”) That didn’t mean the comments themselves didn’t say a lot about him. And tonight’s comment, accompanied by the prominent and jagged autopsy scars, said more than Danny was probably willing to share.
Part one
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wonderjanga · 3 months ago
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I’m Not Brainwashed.
A blizzard hit Fawcett. It was a pretty harsh one too. His apartment doesn’t have heating too. So, Billy went on a journey to find a warm place to sleep.
First, he tried the corner owned by a nice old man. The man said he could bask in the store’s warmth until the store’s closing time.
Old Man: “I’m sorry, it’s just I don’t feel comfortable leaving you here overnight.”
Billy: “There’s no need to apologize, Mister. It’s fine.”
Old Man: “But it isn’t. I wish I could keep you longer but I can’t. Here.” *gives Billy some wrapped sandwiches* “Come back tomorrow. I’ll let you stay again.”
Billy: *small smile* “I’ll try. Thanks, Mister.”
Billy would definitely come back tomorrow, but for now he had to find a place to sleep for the night. This was when Billy made the unfortunate mistake of going to the Rock of Eternity to get out of the cold for a moment.
Billy: *plops down in front of the throne eating one of the sandwiches given to him* “Hmm… Where am I gonna go now?”
Billy didn’t know that those would be his last words as he dozed off at the rock.
A full rest later…
Billy: *stirs awake* “Where am I…? The rock? Geez did I fall asleep?” *feels a buzz from his pocket dimension and pulls out his JL comm and sees like 95 notifications* “-Oh my GODS.”
That’s how Billy found out the hard way never to sleep at the Rock. Turns out, to everyone else, he disappeared. For a WEEK. Damn (he feels like he deserves to curse in this situation) the Rock of Eternity and the weird way it makes time go by. Let’s see… He’d missed an emergency meeting, several messages from his friends, and an either concerned or subtlety threatening text from Batman. Okay. That’s concerning. Uh… You know what? Before he goes and talks to his friends, why doesn’t he go check on Fawcett first?
So, he left the rock, and guess what? The blizzard is still going. He’d be lying if he said this didn’t peeve him. Thankfully, it was daytime, so that means the Old Man would probably let him in the store again.
Old Man: “There you are! You had me worried.”
Billy: “Sorry.” *sounds ashamed*
Old Man: “There’s no need to apologize. It’s just, you said you would be back the next day, and you never came. I thought something had happened to you! I’ve been stress cooking ever since.” *puts a large bag of food into Billy’s hands*
Billy: “I didn’t mean to stress you. You don’t have to give me this.”
Old Man: “Yes I do.” *points to the spot Billy sat the day he had come in* “Now go sit and eat.”
Billy: “Yes, Mister.” *trudges over me eats, feeling bad for making the man worry*
Soon though, Billy had to leave again. He said goodbye to the Old Man and started walking to the blistering cold. He had to find another place to sleep. He looked up the now night sky. He had an idea. It was a stupid one, but it was an idea nonetheless.
The intercom over head announced Captain Marvel’s presence in the watchtower. Wally paused in eating the quadruple double triple quintuple sandwich he made himself. Wasn’t it like 10 pm in Fawcett or something? Cap almost never came to the Watchtower after seven unless it was for monitor duty. The speedster quickly finished his sandwich and decided to go see if something was wrong.
Eventually, he found the Captain near the sleeping quarters. Most members of the JL had one. That included Cap, but as far as Wally knew, Marvel hadn’t so much as stepped foot in that room.
“Cap, buddy! What’re you doing here so late?” Flash asked, causing Marvel to startle.
“Oh uh… I thought I’d get some sleep.” The Captain said, anxiousness rolling off him in waves.
“I thought you didn’t need to sleep?”
“Well, I don’t, but I still like to, y’know?” Marvel said, scratching the back of his neck.
Flash shook his head. “Not really.”
A small, out of place, awkward silence filled the hallway where they stood for a moment before Flash spoke up again, “Where have you been all week-”
“Night!” Cap cut him off, quickly entering the room and letting the door shut behind him, abruptly ending the conversation.
Wally stood there for a few moments. Okay… Something was definitely wrong with his buddy. Had the speedster done something to upset him? He turned to start walking away. He’d talk to his buddy later.
Wally got maybe seven feet away before he heard a loud crash that sounded like lighting and then loud alarms that started ringing throughout the Watchtower. Something about an intruder? Batman walked over to him. Where he came from, only god knows.
“Flash.” Bruce greeted him as he passed, stopping in front of the door Marvel disappeared into just a few moments before.
“Spooky, what’s going on?” Flash sped over to stand next to him.
”There’s an intruder in this room.” Batman replied, as soon as he finished speaking, another large crash of lightning could be heard. The alarm then stopped blaring. This made the Dark Knight pause and start tapping something on the tablet Wally just realized the other man was holding.
“Did something happen?” Wally asked, leaning over to try and see the tablet.
“The intruder is gone. The Watchtower’s also sustained two major electrical strikes that traveled through the tower, temporarily shut down anything in its way. They traveled to this room.” Bruce said.
It was at that moment, Marvel decided to make an appearance. He looked panicked, and when he registered Batman was standing in front of him, the panic seemed to increase. “Mister Batman Sir! Heeeeeeey…”
“Captain, there’s an intru-” Batman didn’t get to finish that sentence before Marvel interrupted him.
“Sorry Mister Batman Sir, but I really gotta be going.” Marvel said hurriedly before speed walking to the zetas. Wally and Bruce watched him go.
Billy should’ve known it was too stupid of an idea to work! He wanted to see if he could detransform and sleep in the bed of the room, but nooooooooo it just had to trigger the alarm. Billy wasn’t proud about interrupting so many (two) people today, but he really, really needed to go because as soon as Flash and Batman step into his room, they’re gonna see two dark lightning marks on the floor. Then they’re gonna try and ask questions. Then that’s gonna lead to Billy having to explain that he can summon lightning to change into a little kid. Then they’re gonna get mad Billy lied to them about being an adult. Then, they’re gonna try stopping him from being a hero, and from there his life as a hero and as Billy Batson will crumble to literal dust.
Around fifteen minutes after Marvel left… Flash was pacing, practically making trails in the ground, “Spooky, he was gone for a week! Not only that but he was acting weird and we got a notification of a security breach. This might sound crazy, but I think it might be that worm thing he mentioned.”
“Worm thing?” Batman asked, sounding incredulous. Wally was wondering why he found that of all the things they’ve seen and heard unbelievable.
“Yeah! He said one of his villains is this little worm that crawls into your ear and takes control your brain.” Flash said, one of his fingers doing a weird wiggling motion as if to resemble a worm.
“So you think he’s being mind controlled?” Supes asked, sounding super concerned. Oh right, he’s here too. He’d just gotten off monitor duty with J’onn. At the moment, the Martian was in the kitchen getting some snacks.
“Yes!” Flash exclaimed. “It could explain why he up and disappeared.”
“Flash, for all we know, he could’ve been gone due to a family emergency or something along those lines.” Batman spoke.
“Well… just to be safe…?” Supes started, sounding cautious as he trailed off and nodded to a nearby cabinet the three, or at least Clark and Bruce, knew housed bug spray.
That was how they ended up cornering Marvel in Fawcett, Superman restraining the man while Batman sprayed bug spray in his face and ears. Meanwhile Flash was standing to the side nervously, holding a jar in case a certain green worm actually crawls out of Marvel’s ear.
So yeah, today was not Billy’s day, let alone week. Also, it turned out that there was a magical creature that was causing the blizzards. He proceeded to promptly beat it up for all the trouble and embarrassment it inadvertently caused him.
Don’t ask why I stopped formatting the dialogue the way I normally do for a couple seconds. I don’t even know. That’s actually why I didn’t post around eleven like I normally do. It was taking a while.
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jayhyunglover · 16 days ago
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Fill the void
Pairing : Caleb x non MC reader Content :rough sex , aphrodisiac sex , oral sex (fem receiving) , slight bondage, inappropriate use of evol , slight exhibitionism, unprotected sex, MC's cameo , reader evol is mentioned, porn with plot , creampie (use protection guys ) Wk: 6.9 k (MF *side eye* ) Synopsis : when you fled on that island to save your comrade you didn't expect it to turn into forced vacation with the very reason of your jealousy. Part 2 to Heartless A/N: this part 2 wasnt planned but Caleb got me feeling some type of way . I need this man to rail me on top of a desk with his uniform still on and Call out my name playing in repeat in the BG. (Zayne be filling papers divorce after he heard say that) Now playing: Fill the void by The weeknd and Lily Rose Depp.
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Fill the void.
Maybe that’s what you were desperately trying to do with Caleb’s presence in your life. Fill the enormous void in your heart and soul.
You didn’t know who avoided who at this point. Was it you or him? Who cared, anyway? He had his pipsqueak back. You just minded your own life and business now.
“It seems there isn’t anything wrong with that area,” you heard Commander Ash’s voice crackle through your headset.
“They must be hiding. Keep looking,” you replied, voice cool and controlled as your eyes scanned the real-time images from his UAV camera feed.
Usually, missions involving Protocurve anomalies fell under the Hunter Association’s jurisdiction, but the unusual readings near the Farspace Fleet-controlled zone warranted your team’s intervention. The fluctuations were too erratic, too dangerous to ignore.
A sudden crash broke through the static, followed by a sharp burst of white noise. Then, silence.
“Commander Ash! Can you hear me?” Your voice pitched higher as your fingers scrambled over the console. “Ash, respond!”
No answer.
Shit.
Ripping the headset off, you spun out of the command room, ignoring the shouts of other soldiers as they tried to stop you.
“Lieutenant General! Protocol requires—”
“I need Hershley 4543 prepped and ready for immediate departure!” you barked, cutting them off as you stormed into the hangar.
“Ma’am, that’s against—” the mechanic stammered, stepping forward.
“No buts! One of our own is out there, and I am not leaving him behind,” you snapped, your voice razor-sharp, thought your hands were trembling betraying the panic bubbling just beneath your façade.
The mechanic hesitated for a moment, then nodded, shrinking under your unwavering gaze. “Understood. We’ll have it ready in five.”
“Make it two.”
            …*...*...*...*...*...*...
You climbed into the cockpit of the Hershley 4543 -a sleek reconnaissance aircraft equipped with stealth capabilities and advanced tracking systems. The roar of the engines was deafening, but it grounded you. You went through the pre-flight checks with practiced efficiency, hands flying over the controls as the team cleared you for takeoff.
Rushing into danger like this was beyond reckless. You knew that. But Commander Ash was an ally -a friend even, though you’d never admit it aloud.
“Flight control to LTG,” a voice crackled in your ear. “Tracking a spike in Protocurve readings at your target location. You sure about this?”
You flicked the comm switch. “I’ll handle it. Just keep the airspace clear.”
               …*...*...*...*...*...
The flight to the designated zone was uneventful—eerily so. The clouds parted to reveal an expanse of barren terrain. From the air, everything seemed peaceful. Too peaceful.
You adjusted the thermal imaging on your monitor, scanning for any sign of Ash or the Wanderer he’d been tracking. The anomaly readings were spiking, but there was no visual confirmation.
“Come on, Ash. Where are you?” you muttered under your breath, gripping the controls tighter.
A loud thud made your ears perk up , your senses in high alert as you heard a faint curse.
What the actual fuck ? you quickly took off your headset ,shifting the commands on automatic pilot mode before standing up to explore what on earth was happening in the back of your plane. 
Your steps were as silent as the plane 2 minutes ago and you were starting to think the curse you heard earlier was just a trick of your imagination .As you approached the source of the noise , your right hand reached for your sidearm. 
You opened the curtain separating the rest of the plane from the cockpit  ,gun raised and ready only for your eyes to fall on that hunter girl 
What was Caleb's pipsqueak doing aboard an Airforce plane ? 
“What the fuck are you doing here?” You heard your voice said , your eyebrows furrowing in a confused frown that had the girl in front of you gasping. 
You didn't lower your gun even as she scrambled onto her feet,  her hands raised in surrender. 
“Don't shoot , I am not an enemy” her voice was a pitched squeal that had your irritated nerves fraying further. 
“This is an Air Force operation , why are you here?” You asked, finally lowering your gun , the sigh of relief that left her lips didn't escape you. 
“I heard there is a wanderer involved  and I happen to be a hunter so I thought I could help” 
You scoffed at her words before placing your gun back in the holster. 
“And you think boarding without permission  on an airplane in mission is helping” you hummed sarcastically as you made your way back to the cockpit 
her hands curled into fists at your blatant dismissal , a small frown etched on her features as she followed closely behind you . 
“I am here to help” she repeated, her voice edged with an hint of frustration “not to be a burden” 
“Just you standing there and breathing is already a burden for me” you bit back before placing your headset back on, though your tone was cool and controlled the venom dripping from your words  stung harder than she cared to admit 
Just her existence was already a burden you thought,  eyes fleeting back to the faint signal that appeared on your screen. 
If she was the least offended by your words,  she didn't show it . After all, you were known among the Farspace fleet for your temper and sharp tongue.  And despite being there only for  a short amount of time , she seemed to have already picked up that information. 
She leaned against your seat to peer up over your shoulder at the monitoring screen where you could see the faint signal of Ash's locator 
What does she think she's doing ? The poisonous look you gave her would have probably sent her 6ft deep underground if only looks could kill but it didn't even make her flinch.
“If you're planning to tag along stay out of my sight unless you want to find out what happens when you jump off a plane without  parachute” your icy tone and the not so subtle menace in your words made her gulp audibly  but she didn't leave as you hoped, instead to your growing irritation she plopped herself in the co-pilot seat beside you , her eyes scanning over the command board like a curious child 
Just what the heck is wrong with her ? 
Whatever you shook your head before focusing back on the beeping signal of Ash's locator on your screen 
As long as she kept her mouth shut , Everything would be fine . You'd just have to pretend she wasn't there. 
But of course she wouldn't keep her mouth shut .
“I can sense  something” she whispered mostly to herself as she stared at the beeping hunter watch on her wrist but it didn't escape your ears 
Your eyes flickered towards her for a fraction of second before refocusing back on the monitoring screen where you could see how much closer you were getting to Ash's location 
“Hold tight, hunter. We are about to land” you warned her before preparing for the descent. 
She scrambled onto her seat,  her hands gripping the armrest for dear life . The sight almost pulled a small smirk from you but you quickly schooled your features back in their usual stoic mask . 
            …*...*...*...*...*...
Even as you landed on the small island where Ash’s coordinates led you , everything was still peaceful,  way too peaceful.  Though that hunter girl insisted on the fact she could sense something,  your surroundings were nothing short but the  picture perfect of a small tropical paradise. 
“It must be here” you heard her whisper to herself,  her feet pacing back and forth on the shimmering white colored sand  as she stared at that damn watch. 
“Stop pacing around like that , it's making me dizzy” you finally snapped, making her freeze in her tracks to look at you . 
“The signal said that Ash is there” you pointed at the dense forest at the edge of the beach 
“But the fluctuations are coming from this wa-” 
“We don't give a fuck about the fluctuations” you cut her off ,your voice icy cold as you stepped closer to her “we are here to save my friend and  not to play hunter x hunter so either you stay here and get killed by whatever is lurking on this island or you come with me” 
She contemplated your words for a moment,  her teeth nibbling at the plush of her bottom  lip for a moment before she finally spoke 
“Go , I'll manage alone” not the answer you expected but if she seemed determined to find this wanderer 
“Very well” you let out a faint chuckle before turning on your heels to head towards the forest where you'll probably find Ash without sparing her a second glance 
What ? She thought you'd bring her by a leash after you . She's a grown ass woman and can perfectly manage herself. Well you hope
If anything happens to her , Caleb will be devastated though. That torturing voice muttered in your ear . 
Fuck no . 
You weren't her damn babysitter and you didn't give a fuck about what Caleb thought or how would  he feel if something happened to her . Hell you didn't even give a damn about Caleb anymore. 
But even as you told yourself that , your legs were already jogging back to where you left her 
“Damn hunter” you muttered as your searched frantically on the beach but she was nowhere to be found , only the clear blue seawater and dusty sand was looking back at you 
Sorry Ash but hunter first then I'll save your ass. 
           …*...*...*...*...*...
You didn't know for how long you've been roaming endlessly on that island , searching for Ash and that damn hunter. You could easily leave her to perish there . After all it would quite the sweet revenge and finally satisfy your petty jealousy but you weren't letting anyone die on your watch not today 
You can always look away that same persistent voice whispered but you quickly shook it off. 
The dead branches creaked beneath your feet as you walked further into the forest , the eerily silence almost suffocating.  It was too quiet to be normal.  Not even a bird chirping sound ,That was beyond odd. 
A faint rustling made your ears perk up , your hand already pointing the gun in whatever direction it came from but to your surprise and relief you found the hunter girl and Ash attached and suspended like sausages by the vines 
No they weren't vines 
“Lieutenant don't get any closer” Ash shouted,  his voice laced with concern while the hunter was trying hard kick off those viscous tentacles around her legs 
You raised your gun to shoot but she interrupted you . 
“This doesn't work on them, see” she gestured to her gun laying on the grassy ground “wasted my whole magazine while trying to hit it” she sighed , her hands hanging loosely beside her head. 
You cursed lowly under your breath before grabbing the blade hidden in your boot to attempt to cut off those damn tentacles like vines or whatever they were 
“Why are you here , Lieutenant?” Ash asked,  earning a dirty glare from you 
“Saving your ass, of course” you let through gritted teeth before slashing through the vines to free him. 
He fell on the ground with a loud thud , his gloved hand reaching out to massage his head that got hit at the fall. 
You stepped over his body to cut off the restraints still curled around the hunter girl. She fell flat on her ass with a small gasp before sitting up. 
“Let's not hang around for too long” you suggested already helping Ash standing to his feet 
But you knew by the way she was observing the weird vines like tentacles you would definitely hang around for a while. 
“I've never seen a wanderer like that” she whispered fascinately , her hands already reaching out to touch it but you stopped her halfway 
“So what?” You scowled,  grabbing her wrist to stop her from touching the weird object   “new kind of wanderers appears everyday it's not the moment to play mad scientist,  hunter” you tugged her along wanting to get out of this island as soon as possible 
“But shouldn't we kill it?” She asked while you dragged her the further away possible  from this wanderer .
“That wasn't our mission,  Commander Ash was sent in reconnaissance and I went out of my way to save him” you explained not sparing her a glance while you navigated through the dense foliage with Ash trailing behind you. 
She seemed to understand your point thought the unimpressed look she gave you made you want to abandon her in this wanderers infested island
Yeah maybe you should do that . 
But as you were  concocting a plan to secretly ditch her and fly away with Ash in your head , A shrieking sound made you grab your gun quickly,  eyes roaming around the tall trees as you and Ash almost sandwiched the hunter girl between your bodies , senses in high alert 
“Stay right behind me and don't move” you warned her , your voice low and controlled as your eyes scanned the surroundings area searching for any signs danger 
And then it came , from above a dragon-like wanderer surged from nowhere, his clawed limbs aiming straight toward the hunter girl behind you. 
You quickly spun her around to fire at the beast but it dodged your attack with maddening ease 
Fuck. 
“Another one!?” you heard her whisper in a ragged voice 
“An enormous one apparently” you spat before recharging your gun. 
The dragon wanderer roared again before surging forward,  his attack still aimed at the hunter girl 
Just what the fuck did it wanted from her ?
You and Ash continued to shoot at it but it seemed useless , the bullet ricocheted against his scales covered skin with ease 
Shit ,at this rate you'd have to use your evol. 
You pulled on the trigger only to realize you no longer had bullets.
Crap  
“Commander” you looked over Ash who was hiding behind a tree. 
He shook his head , his own magazine empty. 
Fuck what do we do ? You looked down at the grass covered ground your mind racing a mile per minutes 
“Maybe I can try to resonate with it” the hunter girl suggested making your gaze snap back at her 
“You have the resonance evol” you and Ash exclaimed at the same time making her look at you with a puzzled gaze 
“Yeah” she murmured, her head tilting slightly to the side in confusion 
You exchanged a knowing look with Ash , your mind conveying the same thoughts 
You'll have to use your evol . Unlike you two Ash wasnt an evolver and your evol , well you hated it or to be more franc you hated to use it because things always ended up spiralling out of control when you did. 
But this time you didn't have any other choice and even if you absolutely despised this hunter you couldn't let her die . 
Don't get you wrong , if she die it might look bad for your career.  
“I am not going to ask you to trust me because I know you don’t and to be honest I do not either so are you ready to risk your life to get out of here Miss hunter?” You asked with an outstretched hand 
An invitation,  a deal for the survival of you 3. 
She looked longly at  your hand before grasping it. 
“well ,it's not like I have another choice” she breathed out before squeezing your hand. 
You let an half hearted  achuckle before yanking her to her feet to step out from behind  the tree you were hiding behind . 
You heard the shrieking sound again before catching a glimpse of the dragon surging towards where you were standing . 
You can do this.  Don't think about the experiment , the thunder , the electroshocks. 
Your eyes closed as you felt the burst of energy ran through your body , images of a young girl that wasn't yours flashing through your eyes . 
Caleb ? Why was he in those memories that weren't yours? 
You heard the clap of thunder before the shrieking sound grew louder . Another clap , louder than the previous one . The shrieking sound turned into a faint howl. 
You heard a distant call of your name but you couldn't respond,  the image in front of you making your gut twist . 
Caleb was gently cradling her cheeks as he wiped her tears . So this was what love felt like  ?
You could feel everything: how his warm hands glided over her face , the faint words of reassurances he whispered to her , the light kisses he left against her temple . You could feel it all  and it hurts, it hurts so bad it had you sinking  on your knees 
So this is what it feels like to be loved ? 
The sting of a slap wrenched you out of this loop of torture. The heart wrenching images of Caleb consoling his pipsqueak shattering in your mind . 
You blinked your vision back only to see the hunter and Ash's concerned faces looking down at you . 
“What happened?” You heard yourself ask, your voice sounded hoarse as your eyes roamed around to take on your surroundings . What was once a lush land of tree and foliage was now burned down to ashes 
“Where's the wanderer?” You questioned them
“Dead,” the hunter girl replied in a small and distant voice ,her eyes looking down in a way you didn't like at all . 
“2 thunderclap was all it took” Ash added  while avoiding your gaze 
Why were they acting so strangely? 
You hummed in response before standing up . Half of the forest was burned down leaving the giant wanderer laying on the center of it.
You approached it slowly , your steps deliberate as Ash and the hunter observed you from behind , their mind still struggling to comprehend what just happened. 
When you were at the dead wanderer's level you crouched down to observe it more closely.  A disgusting smell of burnt flesh was coming out of it , the nauseating scent so strong it had you pinching your nose 
But as you observed it ,a glowing light caught your attention making You lean in to take a closer look.
Only when you reached to touch it ,it exploded in a cloud of pink smoke that surrounded you. 
You coughed out as you waved it off with your hands but only one whiff made your head spiral uncontrollably.  It smelled so addictively good , the piney scent reminding you of Caleb ? 
Huh? you quickly shook off your head ,hoping the smell would disappear but it persisted making your mind grow hazier by the seconds. 
“Lieutenant” you heard Ash shout making your eyes snap back to his form who was already jogging towards where you were standing 
“We need to leave” he breathed out making you nod in agreement 
“You are right let's go” 
“Are you alright?” He asked , eyes squinting to observe you more closely,  taking in the unusual flush of your cheeks. 
“Why  wouldn't I be?” You retorted ,voice tenser than you intended. You internally winced at how his face fell at your harsh tone, his eyes darting away awkwardly.  
“Let's just get the hell out of this island ” you added with a last glance at the wanderer’s corpse  before starting walking ahead . 
Ash followed closely behind you , often shooting concerned glances as you made your way back to the airplane. 
Once inside your case worsened further . You felt your body growing more heated by the seconds,  your tie feeling too tight around your neck. 
You loosened it before running an hand through your hair . Miss hunter (that was the new nickname you gave her) keep shooting you curious glances along with Ash , finding your  fidgeting unusual even for the short amount of time she has spent with you 
“Are we arriving soon?” You asked for the nth time, heavy pants leaving your parted lips as you leaned against your seat 
Why did it feel so hot in here? 
“We'll be landing in approximately 32 minutes” Ash responded to your question 
32 minutes . that was far too long 
You needed to breathe,  to drink water , to see Caleb 
Caleb ? no , not Caleb 
“Fuck” you breathed out before taking off your jacket . The heat too unbearable 
“Are you sure you're alright?” You heard the hunter ask ,a hint of  concern lacing  her tone as she watched you struggle with unbuttoning the top 2 buttons of your shirt. 
“I am fine” you replied but the way your head was spinning uncontrollably was clearly  proving you wrong. 
You brushed it off as a side effect of whatever that pink smoke was but when you landed it only  worsened to the point you were stumbling toward your office room, leaving the debriefing to Commander Ash . 
You closed the door shut before walking over your chair to plop yourself on it. 
You still felt like you were  burning up , every fiber of your being screaming for a man who didn't even want you -need you the way you did. 
“What have you done to me Caleb?” You sighed as you leaned your head against your chair , your eyes looking up at the white ceiling as if it had the answers of your questions but it didn't.  No one did . 
You let out another heavy sigh before discarding your tie on your desk to see if you'd finally breathe properly .
Just as you thought you might be getting some rest from this unbearable heat that have been creeping up on your body your door fled open revealing an angry Caleb 
The sight of him , especially mad made your whole body throb with an intensity that should be concerning but your mind was way too clouded to care. 
He stepped closer to your desk , the clicking sounds of his boots along with your thumping heartbeat the only sounds registering in your mind. 
“What makes you think taking her on such a dangerous mission was a good idea ?” You heard him say , his voice barely able to contain his anger. 
His words cut sharply through your daze , your eyes blinking back to focus on anything but the way his face looked so distractingly attractive 
“I didn't take her anywhere” you said,  your voice sounding way too calm and steady for someone who was literally burning in the inside “your pipsqueak boarded on that plane without permission like a grown up” you added earning a scoff from him 
“You expect me to believe she managed to pass all those security guards to board on a plane with you out of all people” he leaned in to rest his hands on your desk , his eyes shining with a possessive gleam that wasnt directed at you but got your heart rate spiking nonetheless 
“What ?” You tilted your head mockingly at him before raising from your seat to lean closer towards him “you expected me to put a gun on her temple to force her fly away with me on an wanderer infested island only to come back unscathed” you added in a heated whisper against his ear that had his jaw clenching 
“Think wisely Caleb” You scoffed before stepping away from him , attempting to put some distance between you , to quell down the hunger that stocked further  inside you the more you inhaled the addictive scent of his cologne 
But Caleb wouldn't let you off the hook this easily . As you walked beside him to head to your office door , he pulled you towards him by wrapping his hand around your wrist. 
An embarrassing squeal left your parted lips as you felt your back hit the wooden material of your desk .
“Have I ever told you that jealousy looks awful on you , Lieutenant?” You felt the ghost of his lips against your heated skin as he whispered the words against your neck 
“T-this has nothing to do with jealousy” you heaved out , already panting while he hasn't even touched you yet .
“It doesn't hm?” He purred against the soft flesh of your neck before biting on it hard enough to have you clawing at the edge of the desk “then why have you been avoiding me?” 
The question made your eyes widen the suddenness of it too abrupt for your scrambled mind to process . 
“Tell me , lieutenant” he pressed,  his lips leaving a gentle kiss on the bruised skin he bit earlier . 
“You have your pipsqueak back our deal is supposed to be over” you managed to get out between feverish pants. 
The flash of disappointment you saw through his eyes had your resolve faltering but the fragment of memories you saw when you resonated with the hunter earlier strengthened it further . 
Don't get caught up in illusions.  This man wasn't yours.  
The realization made a burst of anger spread throughout you , one that had you yanking his hair harshly until your lips crashed against his,  all teeth and tongue , drinking him in like a thirsty man in desert that finally found water. Because he was your water , your light , a light that was bound to leave you . 
Caleb kissed you back with the same fervor,  his gloved hand wrapping lightly around your throat as his mouth devoured yours with a feral intensity. It was messy ,depraved and desperate.  
A small hushed plea left your mouth as he parted his lips from  yours to trail kisses down on your neck. His hands were everywhere , caressing any inch of smooth skin he could reach 
Your own hands reached out to unbuckle his belt but he stopped you halfway , his hand moving swiftly to bound your wrists with your own discarded tie. 
“No touching this time Lieutenant” he taunted,  cupping your chin to make you look up at him , the feral gleam in his purple  eyes making your cunt throb harder. 
“Today you're all mine” he whispered before capturing your mouth in another heated kiss. 
How you wished you could be his but this would never happen. You were just a sinner and he was your worst sin. The one who will drag you through the pits of hell. 
The small kiss he left on your nose was the last thing you felt before he slid down to his knees in front of you , his large hands spreading your legs apart as you tried to steady yourself on top of the desk despite your bound wrists. 
His fingers unzipped your pants before sliding them off you , leaving your legs  bare for him to admire 
How he has missed this view . 
“Still as beautiful as ever , Lieutenant” you heard him whisper in awe,  the compliment making you feel even dizzier while your cunt fluttered uncontrollably at his praises 
“Look at her” he looked up at you as he ran a gloved  thumb along your covered slit “so wet for me already” 
You could feel his infuriating smirk against your plush fold through the flimsy material of your panties . He was so close but so far away at the same time, it drove you wild. 
“Caleb” you whimpered out , your pleading  eyes looking down at him in an half hearted glare that made his cock twitch 
“What?” He smirked before peeking the drenched material of your panties in a way that had you throwing your head back 
“What do you need , darling?” The sound of him calling you darling made your hips buck against his face , the sinful moan escaping your lips sounding like music to his ear. 
“I need you” the words felt more like a confession than anything and if it wasn't for that weird wanderer based substance in your system you'd probably felt pathetic for baring your soul to him  like this but right now as his face was resting between your legs seconds away from feasting ,you didn't give a damn.  
The regrets and sermons would come later when you were  no longer aching and panting from him . 
The heat of Caleb's mouth pulled you out of your musings,  the overwhelming sensation making you cry out loud . He hasn't even bothered to take off your ruined panties , his mouth latching onto the flimsy material like he was starving. 
He was merciless,  the relentless pace making you squeal.  
“Oh fuck just like that” you moaned,  not even ashamed of the sounds you were making.  His tongue rolled  over your swollen bud over and over until you were practically in tears .
When you felt like you'd finally reach heaven ,a knock to your door made him stop, his eyes looking up to take in your form. 
And shit. The sight of you spread out on your desk with your shirt half buttoned,  your skin flushed with heat , panting with tears clinging to your waterline almost had him cumming in his pants  
Such a sight to behold and all for him to see. 
Another knock on the door made him let out a small growl against you , clearly not pleased by being interrupted .
“Lieutenant” you heard a worried voice said from the other side “can I come in?” 
Commander Ash? Your ears perked up . 
Shit shit shit why is here ? 
You looked down at Caleb who  was already back to work , his fingers pulling your ruined panties to the side to suck , lick and nip at your sensitive flesh while you tried your best to stay quiet and gather your thoughts 
“Lieutenant” Ash knocked once again “are you alright in there?” his voice was growing somewhat more restless. 
“Respond darling” you felt Caleb's nip gently  at your clit before looking up at you from where he was kneeling “it's so rude to leave someone hanging hm?” He spat right on your entrance before slurping down the mess. 
“ngh_” the sight of him looking so devilishly at you nearly had you cumming right there on his face but he purposely slowed down his pace to maddening kitten licks so you would  focus on responding Ash. 
But that only made you more restless and frustrated . 
“I am fine” you snapped , voice laced with frustration while the man below faintly chuckled before rewarding you with a flick of his tongue that made you groan .
You fought against your restraints so at least you would cover your mouth to muffle your sounds but no matter how hard you tried the knot wouldn't loosen . 
Handsome bastard. 
“Are you sure?” you heard Ash said ,  the confusion note in his tone not escaping Caleb's ears. 
“You don't really sound well” the sound of the creaking handle made your heart rate pick up . your stomach curled into knots with a mixture of fear and arousal that has fresh waves of your beading juices gushing around Caleb's tongue 
You didn't lock the door and he could barge in at any moment 
“Dirty girl” he muttered faintly against your plush folds , sticking strands connecting his lips to your pussy . 
You bit down on your lips to not let out a loud moan , the squelching sounds of your cunt along with your barely concealed moans leaving no doubt of what was happening inside there . Thought one thing was clear , Ash was clearly wrestling with the handle that wouldn't budge Thanks to Caleb's evol. 
“I am fine truly” you attempted to spoke again but the way Caleb was making out with your lips below while his gloved hand rubbed tight circle around your clit made your words came out like breathy whimpers. “Just a bit busy” 
You really hoped Ash would get the memo and get the fuck out here before you combusted . 
“Ok then” he said, his tone sounding a tad disappointed “I'll see around then Lieutenant” 
Yeah you'll see her around now go . 
You felt a wave of relief wash over you as the sound of  Ash's eloigning footsteps finally disappeared leaving only you and the smirking man still buried nose deep between your thighs. 
“You're such a dirty little thing , Lieutenant” he rasped out , flicking your clit one last time before raising to his full height . 
“And you're such a tease” you scowled before feeling him unbound your wrists.
 As soon as they were free you tugged him by his tie to capture his lips in a messy kiss , your mouth sucking lewdly on his tongue , tasting yourself on him
“We both know you love that tease, darling” he mumbled out between kisses 
If only he knew how right he was 
“No I hate you” you denied ,your grip tightening hard enough on his tie to make him lightheaded and the fucked whimper that left his mouth as you did so made your cunt howl his name in morse code. 
“Biggest lies I've heard in a while Lieutenant” he panted out with a smirk, his hands gripping your hips so hard they'd probably leave marks. 
“guess we are both liars then, Colonel” you tugged at his tie again earning a breathy “fuck” from his slick glossed lips . 
Lying was all you ever did your whole life . You lied about your feelings,  your past , you even lied to yourself. You were a liar , a sinner and he was your biggest sin. 
The distant look that passed through his lust filled eyes didn't escape your attentive gaze  and it made you thought for a moment :
Was he thinking about her ? Did he has the same regrets you had? Did he feel the same burning hunger you felt ? The one that threatened to consume you.  
Alas you would never get the answer of those questions because next thing you knew is that he was kissing so hard you would have fell on the ground if it wasn't for his hands looped around your waist.
You could feel every hard planes of his body against yours ,even through the material of your half off uniform shirt , the intoxicating scent of his cologne making your head spin. 
Your reached for his belt once again and this time he let you had your way, too busy eating out your face to stop your wandering hands. 
Just this once . You heard this voice whisper again . 
Caleb's head fell against your shoulder when he felt your soft hand wrap around his shaft to pump it slowly.  
It was hot and heavy in your hand, the leaking precum coating your palm in a sticky mess.  
He bit down on the plush skin on your shoulder to muffle his sounds , his hips thrusting in time with your movements. 
Wanting to get your revenge on the stunt he pulled on you earlier , you slowed down your pace until you could hear his muffled whimpers against your shoulder 
“What's wrong?” You cooed , leaning your head back to stare at him , his cheeks were flushed the prettiest shade of pink , his hair tousled from your ministrations , his kiss bitten lips  parted open to let out the hottest sounds you’ve ever heard .
You must been smiling too widely for his taste because the feral glare he shot you made you anything but scared , it only had you more turned on than ever. 
But as always Caleb wouldn't let you savor your victory for too long , using his evol as the awful bastard he was to manipulate your hands until they were bound behind your back once again 
“Nothing's wrong Lieutenant” he rasped before pulling your legs to wrap tighter around his waist , his pinkish tip teasing your entrance. 
“Just thinking about how hard” he punctuated his words with a rough thrust that had you clawing at  his shoulders , the sensation of him stretching your insides too overwhelming. “I am going to take you” he added in a heated whisper before setting a brutal pace that had your desk shaking maddeningly , important papers scattering on the floor in  a mess you'd have to worry about later. 
Caleb's hips were merciless,  fucking up into you like he hated your gut (as if he wasn't deep in them) . You clung to his uniform jacket sleeve for dear life , afraid you might slip but with how sandwiched you were between the wooden desk and his body you shouldn't be worrying about that. 
“Oh fuck” you threw your head back when you felt him hit that exact spot that has you seeing stars , body arching into his to bring him closer. Your hand grabbed at his tie to pull him closer to you as his hips kept pistonning into yours . 
“Yeah let me hear you, darling” he placed one hand on the desk beside you while the other pulled your leg over his hip to reach even deeper into you. 
Every forceful thrust planted on the bulleyes of your G-spot has your grip tightening on his tie hard enough  he could now see white spots blurring his vision . 
You were gonna be the death of him , (literally) . 
The smell of sex and skin slapping sounds filled the room along with your scream of pleasure and his breathy groans as he literally wrecked you , molding your insides to his shaft until all you can think about was him and only him . 
“You squeeze me s’tight” he groaned against your neck , his hips not easing his pace for a second , not when your greedy pussy was sucking him back in so perfectly at every thrust . 
His hand that was planted beside you  , slid up to wrap around your neck , putting enough pressure on your throat to have your eyes roll in the back of your skull. 
“Come for me” he whispered before ducking his head down to bite  on the plush skin of your collarbone.  The action had you screaming loudly,  the waves of pleasure crashing you over you like a sea storm. It was violent,  leaving you shaking for several seconds as he continued to drive himself deeper into you , not even stopping when he reached his own high . Sensitive shaft twitching uncontrollably as he painted your insides white . 
“Take it all , darling” he whimpered in the crook of your neck , puncturing every words by a sharp bite of his canines. 
You sobbed in overstimulation. Your head resting against his chest as you murmured soft plead for him to stop. 
“Shh” he shushed you with a gentle kissing your tears on your cheek that contrasted his hips below “just take it” 
He licked your tears away before kissing you with an unusual tenderness while he continued to fuck you roughly.  
You cried out as your second orgasm washed over you ,your whole body convulsing against his as your hand practically tore his uniform jacket with how good it hurts. 
Caleb's body jerked against yours, his head dropping in the crook of your neck as he reached his peak for a second time , pace finally slowing down to let you breathe. 
You stayed  like this for several minutes, wrapped in each other's embrace as you desperately tried to catch your breath. 
As the fluffy cloud of pleasure dissipated the ungly truth came back to slap you right back on your face . 
You succumbed to the sweet temptation Caleb was  once again.  Even as you promised yourself you wouldn't get involved with him again , here you were half naked with him still buried deep inside of you. 
You attempted to  push him off you , the action making him raise his head from the crook of your neck to shoot you a confused look. 
The audacity to appear confused.  You scoffed internally. 
“You should go” you heard yourself say , your voice hoarse from screaming his name too loudly . 
His brow knitted together,   clearly struggling to understand your point . 
“It'll  be troublesome if someone find you here” you explained calmly , acting as if he wasnt ramming into you 5 minutes ago. 
“I am aware” he replied with that same confused note in his tone, still not making any moves to get the fuck off you. 
“Then get off” you glared at him causing him to sigh 
“You're trying to run away again” he caressed your legs softly with a pensive look in his eyes
“I am not trying to run away, you dirtied me with your seed and I just want yo go the bathroom so get the fuck off me” you scowled stil trying to push him away 
Your words earned a barely muffled laugh from him. His eyes gleaming with barely concealed amusement. 
“I am sorry” he left a small kiss on your nose that made your heart melt “I thought you'd enjoy the mess” 
“Well I don't,  so get off” you let out in a small grumble 
“You're always so bossy , Lieutenant” he chided softly before picking you up making you wrap your arm tightly around his neck 
“You should ease up a little” he added , carrying you towards your personal bathroom to clean you up. 
“And you should know by now that I don't take advices from you” you bit back . 
The only thing you should ease is probably a gun down his throat. 
“Sure you don't” he said with a small smirk  before pushing the bathroom door open with his feet to get you inside. 
After cleaning you up in a remotely peaceful silence , Caleb left you alone in your office to muse on your thoughts. 
Just when will this madness end? 
Just when will you stop being attached to him? The response was clear : never because no matter how much he hurt you? And how hard you tried to stay away from him.  You'll always find your way back . Like a drug addict , you were addicted to him. Addicted to his poison . A poison that will probably end up killing you 
BAM . 
The end (or no) 
Taglist : @cheezeandkrackers @dollyvheart @gazelover666 @miyuki-hanna @cordidy @full-sunnies @aise-30 @vvintqz @tavviet @sanghyuksgasolinestationscream
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muddyorbsblr · 1 year ago
Text
onyx pt1
See my full list of works here!
Summary: You're stuck in the Avengers Compound because of an injury from your last mission, and you come across an adorable and affectionate little kitten.
Pairing: Loki x Reader
Word Count: 2.3k
Warnings: language (no i'm not sorry, Rogers); talks of explosions and injuries sustained from explosion [let me know if i missed anything!]
Things to be aware of: one-sided crushing (but is it really…?)
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An eerie silence served as your only company in the Avengers Compound the last few days, some of your teammates off to finish the HYDRA mission that left you injured while the others took time off to visit their families over the holidays. With the promise to keep their comms on in case they would be needed until the New Year.
Now all that remained in the Compound with you were a few junior agents that drew the ends of the short stick, Val, and Loki.
Sadly your teammate, friend, and occasional drinking buddy Val was out blissfully spreading holiday cheer throughout New York with her girlfriend.
And Loki? Well, the God of Mischief wasn't exactly on chummy terms with you. Didn't even so much as give you a passing glance when you were at mission briefings.
Which was a damn shame because what you would give just to get lost in those stormy ocean eyes.
You made your way to the pantry in the common room to replenish your stash of snacks, towing along a little wagon to help you on the way back. Every step had you feeling every square inch of bruising on the left side of your body that you got from being unlucky enough to be caught in the blast radius of an explosion at the HYDRA base you were trying to infiltrate with Shaun just a few days ago.
Your phone buzzed with a new message. "Speak of the devil," you muttered to yourself, seeing Xu's name on your screen as soon as you pulled up next to the elaborate barista setup, putting a few Lindor truffles in a small bag for your wagon. "Hey FRIDAY?"
"Yes, Agent Y/L/N?" the AI answered immediately.
"Could you make me a white chocolate mocha with peppermint while I raid the latest Costco delivery for uhh…supplies. Yeah, I'll go with that."
"Right away, Agent Y/L/N." The sound of the barista setup whirring to life filled the kitchen area as you checked on Shaun's message.
Thor just mentioned that he'll ask his brother to take a look at your injuries. Maybe get him to kiss it all better. He finished his text with a smirking emoji, along with some hand gestures that painted a less than family friendly picture, making you roll your eyes at the screen.
You recorded a voice memo for him. "You know that he'd need to actually be willing to look at me so that he could see the damage from the blast, right? And last I checked I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm Medusa reincarnated and I'll turn his Asgardian ass to stone."
You went on to the ridiculously stocked pantry to rummage the delivery that came just a few hours ago, trying to find a bag of Jalapeño Cheetos somewhere in the mix, when you heard a tiny meow from somewhere behind you. You looked to the ground to find a black and white munchkin cat looking up at you with wide blue eyes.
"Hi there, baby…" you cooed, surprised the adorable little creature hadn't hissed or scratched at you yet. Cats normally didn't take to you, which was a shame because you often found yourself fighting the urge to pick one up or stroke its head whenever you crossed paths with one during your errand runs. "How'd you get in here?"
The tiny kitten caught you by surprise with what it did next, walking up to your feet and proceeding to rub its cheek against your ankle, a little purr emanating from its small fluffy body. You decided to risk the hissing and scratching and bent down to pick it up, your heart melting once he placed his paws on your cheek and proceeded to nuzzle your face with his nose.
"Aren't you a complete darling." He settled into your arm as you carried him out of the pantry, a little whine escaping him when you placed him down on the counter. He stood on his hind legs and made grabby hands towards you, blue eyes wide and pleading for you to pick him back up. "Just a second, sweet baby, I'm just getting you something to drink."
You took out a tiny sauce dish and poured some cream into it, pushing it toward the kitten that responded with a slow blink and a meow before licking away at the rich liquid.
"I'm sure your owner's gonna crucify me for giving you that but I can't help spoiling little fur babies especially when they're as adorable as you are." You took a sip of the coffee FRIDAY had finished making before shouting out a question for her. "Hey FRIDAY, you have any clue who this little bub belongs to?"
It took a second for her to answer. "Negative, Agent Y/L/N. There is currently no other agent on the premises looking for their pet. I also see no collar on them and from a preliminary scan they do not seem to have a microchip on them."
Those words stopped the kitten from drinking to look up toward the ceiling and hiss at the source of the voice. He only relaxed once you started stroking his fur again, going back to drinking and letting out a few purrs along the way. "No owner, huh? Does that mean I can invoke Finders Keepers then?"
"It appears so, Agent Y/L/N. What would be your new companion's name?"
The kitten looked up at you, as if expecting your answer. You wondered briefly if he could actually understand what it was that you and FRIDAY were talking about. "How about Onyx? I know I know it's absolute garbage for originality to name a black cat after a black gemstone but--"
His eyes widened before he climbed up your arm, only stopping once he'd reached your shoulder to nuzzle at your neck again. "It seems he likes the name, Agent Y/L/N."
"Then it's settled." You placed a soft kiss on top of his head. "Hello there, Onyx."
You brought your new kitten back to your apartment, setting him down on your bed while you tried to take off your sweatshirt as gently as you could manage.
"Ah, fuck it," you hissed as you felt the bruising around your ribs, letting out a pained sound when you opted to whip the garment over your head as fast as you could instead. Your reflection revealed that the bruising on the left side of your torso was quickly becoming a frightening deep purple.
Onyx meowed from your bed, again standing on his back legs and making grabby hands at you, eyes wide with evident pain.
"What's wrong, little baby?" He placed his paws gently on your side when you made your way to him, pressing his nose to the skin near where your bruising began. "Oh don't you worry your pretty little head about those, sweetie. They'll heal…eventually."
He kept on pressing his face to the area, your heart melting for the tiny kitten even more realizing that he was pressing kisses to your wounds.
"You really are such a precious little bub, aren't you?" You picked your new kitten up, placing him on the armchair in your reading nook before setting an alarm for dinner in a few hours and settling into your bed. "Get some sleep, sweet baby Onyx. I'll see you in a few hours."
Your eyes had only closed for a few seconds before you heard another tiny meow followed by a soft thud, immediately making you sit up on the bed looking for the kitten. He'd already made his way to your bedside, standing on his back legs and reaching up trying to climb up the sheets.
"Alrighty then," you mumbled, picking him up and placing him on the pillow beside yours. You rolled over to lay on your right side to remove any pressure to your injuries the best you could, hovering your finger near Onyx's nose once you'd settled in. He leaned up and pressed his nose to your finger, paws kneading on his pillow. "Boop," you giggled. "Sweet dreams, baby."
Just as you'd closed your eyes to try catching an hour or two of rest before you had to eat again and take those pain meds that Banner prescribed you, your phone began to blare Immigrant Song way too loudly by your nightstand. There were only two contacts you gave that ringtone to and one of them was currently out with her girlfriend.
"Talk to me, Thunder," you muttered, groaning when your stretch to reach for your phone made your bruising smart a bit. "You all good over there?"
"Absolutely grand, Lady Y/N," the blond god's voice boomed from the other end. "I was just wondering if you could check on my brother, he refuses to answer his phone yet again."
"That's gonna be a hard pass from me, buddy. I've already been cut and bruised, I'm not too keen to add stabbed to that list. He's probably just practicing spells. Or out on a date." You winced at that last part, an irrational part of you flaring up with unwarranted jealousy at the thought of Loki out with just about anyone. "Just--I don't know, check up on him yourself when you get back. You can take a stab better than me anyways."
Thor sighed loudly, the low rumbling making Onyx step back from his pillow and start hissing at the phone. You stroked the top of his head to calm him down. "Very well then, Lady Y/N. Rest well. We're scheduled to return after nightfall."
"I'll have pizza here waiting for you guys. Bring your own mead." You clicked off and tried to get some sleep, having FRIDAY place an order for pizzas and wings for when the team gets back. Your new kitten padded his way over to you, resting his head on your outstretched arm and letting out a soft purr.
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The sound of the Quinjet coming back roused you from your nap, along with the feel of little paws on your arm and Onyx nuzzling your cheek.
"Looks like everyone's home," you mumbled, pressing a few kisses to the kitten's head before making your way out of bed. "Come on, little baby. Time to meet the team."
With a whole lot of discomfort and groaning, you slipped your sweatshirt back on before presenting your hand to Onyx and patting your shoulder, prompting the kitten to climb up your arm and perch himself on the spot, nuzzling his face behind your ear.
The team had already arrived and filled the common area when you made your way there, some of them helping themselves to the pizza. Barnes and Wilson walked in with coolers, probably filled with chilled bottles of beer inside.
"Hey, there she is!" Shaun exclaimed, pulling out a bottle of Pepsi before making his way over to you and pulling you into an embrace. "How's the healing go--Whoa there." He took a step back as Onyx hissed in his direction. "Where'd you come from, little guy?"
You shh'd the kitten, pressing kisses to his little cheek to calm him down. "It's okay, baby, Shaun is a friend. One of the good guys." You turned back to your mission partner. "Shaun, this is Onyx."
"Always thought you were a dog person, Babes," Natasha spoke up before taking your arm and walking you to the food. "We leave for one day and you become a cat lady. Where'd you even find the time to go to a shelter and get baby blue eyes over here?"
"I didn't, actually," you answered the master assassin. "I just went to the pantry and poof there he was, meowing at my feet. Like the cat distribution system mailed him to me by magic or something." He nuzzled your cheek again before starting to knead at your face.
"And he doesn't belong to anyone? You're sure?" Shaun spoke up, backing up immediately when he tried to pet your new kitten and getting hissed at. "Easy, kitty. I'm a friend, I'm not gonna hurt you." The martial artist turned back to you. "He wasn't collared? Or chipped?"
"Nope. FRIDAY scanned him and everything."
"You wanna think about getting him chipped?"
Onyx hissed again at the question before swishing his tail around to curtain your hair around him, his little body shaking on your shoulder. As if he was silently pleading for you to not take him out to have him chipped.
"Don't you worry, baby. I won't get you chipped, I wouldn't hurt you like that," you cooed, letting out a little giggle as he placed his paws on your cheeks and nuzzled your nose, giving the tip tiny licks. You were so focused on your cat's affections that the bellowing of Thor looking for his brother was a distant muffled noise in the background.
Until he got to where you were standing and his booming voice was impossible to ignore. "What an adorable little beast you have, with you, Lady Y/N." Onyx buried himself in the crook of your neck, shaking at the sound of Thor's voice.
"It's alright, Onyx. It's just Thunder, he may be all big and menacing on the outside but he's just a fluff ball on the inside. Come on, go say hi."
The blond Asgardian approached you, examining your new pet carefully before a knowing grin graced his bearded face. "Hello, Brother."
A chill went down your spine at his words. "What the fuck d'you just say, Blondie?"
He motioned toward the kitten on your shoulder. "This is the explanation for his lack of replies on his phone. His absence from his quarters. Lady Y/N, the little beast hiding himself in your hair…is my brother. That is Loki."
In your stupor, the only words you could manage to say were, "Bitch what?!"
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A/N: Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays to the members of SAS, beloved besties, and fellow whores! I've had this idea doing a slow lurky crawl in the microwave that is my writing noggin for the last few months, and I'm so excited that I finally get to share it with y'all! Part 2 is coming in a few days, and then it's a coin toss on whether I'll be trying to end the year with crossing off some things on my writing todo list, or crossing off some titles from my Tumblr TBR 😳👀
everything taglist: @simplyholl @loopsisloops @imalovernotahater @coldnique @loz-3 @huntress-artemiss @salempoe @vickie5446 @athalialaufeyson @lokiprompts @kats72 @kikster606 @asgards-princess-of-mischief @lokixryss @thomase1 @mischief2sarawr @peaches1958 @lovingchoices14 @lunarnights95 @goblingirlsarah @iamlokisgloriouspurpose @creationsbyme @maple-seed @mjsthrillernp @ladyofthestayingpower @mygfloki @sititran @glitterylokislut @ozymdias @fictive-sl0th  @lokidbadguy @mochie85 @silverfire475 @joyful-enchantress @elizabethmidnight2017 @holdmytesseract @smolvenger @gigglingtiggerv2 @lokidokieokie @lunarnights95 @superficialdomina @anukulee @kmc1989 @november-rayne @goddessofwonderland @buttercupcookies-blog @peaky-marvel @lokiified @tom-hlover
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eyelessfaces · 1 month ago
Text
ahead, ahead
poe dameron x reader
summary: “We– You’ll never settle down, Poe. We both know this. And neither will I, as long as we’re in this.” Your eyes rake over his face, his eyes softly fluttering with hurt when he averts his gaze from you. “It'll never work.”
or; your fear of the future forces you to reject the man you love.
warnings: rejecting poe but we're not actually truly rejecting him (who, in their right mind would reject this man), talks of the war, of being scared of the future, extremely brief mentions of an injury, death and grief
tags: gn!reader, idiots in love, angst, fluff, celebration, kissing, idk man I hate tagging this stuff you'll see
word count: 2.9k
masterlist | taglist | ao3
updates blog: @eyelessupdates
lmao hey I'm back ig if this fic doesn't hit ten thousand notes in 48hrs I'm dipping again
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The night is fairly quiet, save for the occasional crackle over the comms. You and Poe are tucked away in an observation post, overlooking a seemingly endless empty desert; it feels like you've been here for hours, time blending now that the only light around is the shining stars and the small dots of your devices. 
Poe lightly clears his throat, breaking the comfortable silence between you. “You can't go away from any conversation right now, so,” 
You shouldn’t even be surprised that he can not keep his mouth shut for longer than three minutes. “Why won't you let me take you out on a date?”
You sigh. “Poe, not now.” 
You can feel his eyes burning holes through you, knowing exactly what gaze he’s using on you, knowing his big, warm, pleading brown eyes will have the exact effect he intends to cast over you if you happen to turn to him.
You keep watching ahead, trying your best to ignore his too obvious firm gaze over you in your peripheral vision, feigning focus on trying to notice anything unusual in the broad land of sand ahead of you. He makes it really hard.
“What? Perfect situation to talk about this” he says, his gaze on you unwavering. “For me” he shrugs with a teasing smile.
You bite the inside of your cheek, hoping that your silence will make him drop it. But he’s Poe Dameron. 
“Tell me. Tell me why. I genuinely want to know your reasons.” he says, leaning back into his seat. “Hurt my feelings if you have to. I just wanna know”
You can feel the pressure starting to pull down on you. You know he won’t let it go, but you also don’t want to hurt your friend while you’re stuck with him for what could be hours.
“So what, because no one ever says no to you you can’t take someone rejecting you?” you scoff, turning to him before you check the comms again though you know there’s nothing new. 
He laughs, a choked, startled laugh. “We both know it’s not that. You kissed me”
You sigh, tension coiling tight and your heart leaping in your chest as you set the comms down again, at this point begging the maker for something to happen, maybe even for a First Order ambush just to get you out of this conversation. “Maybe I was just pitying you.” you mutter under your breath, busying yourself out of it by picking the underside of your nails.
“Oh, you were shitting your pants at the idea of losing me. That's why you kissed me. You were so scared I might be dead you ran to kiss me when you found out I wasn't.” 
Your eyes close wearily. He’s on point. 
“And you almost could have chipped my teeth with how hard our mouths clashed, so,” he trails off. “Come on. Why won’t you tell me? I really just wanna know. I can handle it.” he murmurs, more softly this time. Your head shakes as you tut impatiently. His gentle tone doesn’t make it less painful to be in this situation. “I promise you won’t hurt my feelings, you already kinda did anyway, so I guess I’m not really–” Poe stops when you suddenly grab his arm and hold a finger up, your eyes widening as you freeze.
“Listen”
Poe halts and goes silent, alert to any sound around, any faint wind breeze, any footstep, anything. 
“...I’m not hearing anything” he declares after a while, eyebrows furrowed.
You recline into your seat, releasing your grip on him. “Exactly. How peaceful”
He lets out a soft, bitter chuckle and looks away, into the waves of sand, pretending to get his focus back onto the task at hand. 
He finally, as you wished, lets the tight space be silent again, but after a while, you come to admit that the heavy silence is arguably more agonizing than having Poe run his mouth about something you don’t really want to talk about.
“You'll always care about the Resistance more than you could care about me.”
“What?” Poe scoffs and glances back over you, eyebrows raised. You give him a small shrug. “That’s not true. You know that’s not true.”
Your gaze darts to him before you look back out the window at your side. “It’s not even a bad thing, it’s who you are, and that’s why people follow you, that’s why I follow you, but–”
He stares at you, his gaze burning through you again, caught somewhere between confusion and frustration. “But what? What makes you think that?” 
You can hear the startled hurt in his tone, the clear bewilderment, the clear need and urge in him to argue.
“You're a busy man. You're always on the run–” 
“So are you” he cuts you off.
“That's what I mean. We’re both so busy with this– this endless fight. We barely have time to sleep, let alone,” you gesture vaguely between the both of you, catching the pleading gaze you were desperately trying to avoid earlier, hoping he will get what you mean without you having to say it out loud, without having to stab him right through the heart once again.
“So what?” he insists, his tone firmer. “We both know that. That’s part of the deal. But that doesn’t mean we couldn’t make it work”
You shake your head, sensing it will only keep going down from there. “We– You’ll never settle down, Poe. We both know this. And neither will I, as long as we’re in this.” Your eyes rake over his face, his eyes softly fluttering with hurt when he averts his gaze from you. “It'll never work.”
The thick silence painfully grips at your throat, and just when it feels Poe might start to speak again, the comms crackle with a signal, alerting a presence on the grounds. 
You stand up and gather the stuff you need, the mission you let aside needing your full focus again, and as you take your blaster out of your holster, you can still feel Poe’s lingering gaze over you, your chest tightening in a sense of guilt you’ve never felt before.
It’s spontaneous and unconstrained when you fall into Poe’s embrace, but you do, and it’s like nothing ever happened in that observation post a few weeks ago. Your hands fist tightly into the fabric of his flight suit while you're still careful not to press yourself too close against his wounded arm. The general hubbub of celebration is rumbling on the ground of Ajan Kloss, thrumming through the air, and you can only feel relief as Poe’s hand cups the back of your head, pulling you closer into the embrace. For a brief moment, you just stay here, mingling with each other, breathing him in like you didn't completely push him away the last time you faced him.
“Are you okay?” he asks when you pull back slightly, looking you up and down, eyes raking through as he searches for any sign of injury.
“Are you?” you ask back, eyeing his arm wrapped in a cloth and held against his chest by a sling. 
He shrugs, grimacing as he quickly waves it off, trying to downplay it. “That's fine. Nothing I've never seen before. I got things to celebrate before I start whining about this” he grins. 
He smiles wider when he sees your smile, your cheeks warming up as his gaze lingers over you, taking in every detail of your face. You have barely been able to catch each other for longer than two minutes outside of missions these past few weeks, so knowing he will now be able to see you for maybe three minutes longer now that the galaxy isn’t at stake anymore brings another layer to the wider sense of relief of this war being over. “I’m glad you made it out alright” he says quietly, his voice just loud enough for you to hear over the noise. 
“Couldn’t have done it without such an amazing leader” you tease, and he lets out a genuine laugh, shaking his head, but your own laughter fades as he gets cornered by his fellow squadron pilots, pulling him away from you.
You smile when you see his eyes crinkle as they cheer with him, and you give him another smile and nod when he mouths you a quick apology as they drag him away.
You stare off into the distance, a small smile tugging at your lips when from afar, you notice Finn being swirled around by Rose, all smiles. 
There’s a bittersweet feeling to this, all of this. It’s supposedly all over, but you also have no idea what to expect for tomorrow, and the next day, and all the ones after that, and the idea is terrifying. 
You put your glass down beside you on the crate that serves you as a bench, turning when you feel a presence approaching.
“Hey” Poe smiles, sitting by your side on the wide crate.
“Hey,” you reply, a hint of tiredness in your voice though his presence lifts you up a little.
“Overwhelmed?” 
You scoff, giving him a half nod, barely a tilt of the head. “Yeah, you could say that”
He gives you a nod of comprehension, staring off at the loud, joyful celebration in the distance. 
Puffs of dirt are flowing off the ground from being beaten by dancing feet, the particles visible from the strings and poles of lanterns set up for the occasion, revealing the figures of people overflowing with energy though that layer will peel off and reveal the true exhaustion stemming from the battle soon enough.
The night is warm, making sweat cling to skins, making tears of all kinds short-lived, visual proofs of joy and grief drying and disappearing quickly.
Poe’s gaze turns back to you, his hand settling over yours. “You should join us. You shouldn’t be staying by yourself at a time like this” he prompts, lightly nudging your side, a gentle smile on his face.
“I will, eventually” you nod, glancing at a couple linking foreheads, swaying side by side. “Just having a moment,” you chuckle softly, bringing your glass back to your lips.
“Ouh, okay” he teases, begrudgingly removing his hand. “Mind if I have this moment with you?”
“Sure,” you scoff, silently offering to share your glass with Poe, disposing of it again when he silently declines.
“So, what now?” he questions, a renewed brightness filling his voice. “What are your plans now that this war’s over?” he asks, eyes roaming along your figure.
You take a deep breath, clearing yourself of a discomfort you barely realized had been smothering your chest. “I don’t know. That’s what’s terrifying” you admit. He hums in agreement, nodding. “But maybe I’m gonna apologize to a certain pilot I pushed away first” you grin, glancing at him, meeting his eyes that crinkle in the corners as he smiles. “I wanted to apologize earlier. Before they snatched you away to worship you for your feats” you tease.
He scoffs. “Sorry. Busy man as you said”
“Yeah” you exhale, taking a sip of your drink. You lick the liquid off your lips, before looking back at Poe. “I was too harsh on you. I didn’t mean to hurt you” 
He gives you a single nod and a forgiving smile. “I know. We don’t have to talk about that”
You shrug softly, averting your gaze from him again. All those people cheering and laughing and kissing could have been you and Poe instead of that slightly awkward tension between you, in a parallel reality where you hadn’t pushed your pride to the first plan, leaving your feelings behind. 
You glance at him, at the way his brown eyes catch the warm glow of the lanterns. “I wanted to kiss you again” you admit, in a faint murmur. “When we came back winning.”
Your gaze falls to your lap, your fingers drumming against your glass as you feel the weight of Poe’s gaze over you, attentive to your every word. “But I didn’t want you to think I was playing with your feelings and being cruel again, just the way I was in the observation post”
Poe’s gaze softens, his hand closing as he tries to keep himself from reaching for you again. He nods in understanding, unsure how to go on from this admission. 
“It’s not about cruelty,” he mutters, still looking at you. “It hurt because I knew you were scared. And I didn’t know how to make you not be.”
Your heart tightens inside your ribcage, your eyes briefly closing at his words. You nod, having to admit he is probably right. Scared of losing any more people you love, for the cause that has already taken so much from you.
Scared of losing him when your feelings already weighed enough on you.
“Hey,” he calls, tearing you out of your knot of blooming thoughts, nudging your knee with his own. “That’s why we’re here tonight. Because we made it” he nods. “We're all supposed to be less scared now, to enjoy the celebration and to properly take time to process our griefs.”
A faint smile grows over his face when you rest your head against his shoulder. You try to ignore the tears threatening your eyes.
“So things are supposed to be quieter now, right?” you question quietly, feeling his arm wrap around your back.
He hums in reflection. “There’s still a lot to do but, yeah, supposedly”
“Can I tell you something?”
“Always”
You let out a small, vulnerable sigh. “I never thought this day would actually happen. It was just a distant vision” you confess. “And now that it’s here I don’t know what to do”
He slightly tilts his head, glancing at you without dislodging your head from his shoulder. “You’ve never fantasized about what your life would be like after the war?”
You stay quiet for a bit, thinking about it. “Not really. Not seriously. Mostly because it didn’t really feel like this day would come, and now everyone knows what they want for themselves and I feel completely lost”
He nods. “You don't have to figure it all out now. The Resistance still has lots to sort out” he affirms, his thumb idly caressing your arm. “But you can think about it differently. You have every option now. You can start again” You pull your head away from his shoulder, considering this point of view as you grab your drink to finish it. You hum softly, rubbing your eyes when you let go of your drink, trying to chase the lingering doubts away.
“Come on, we should join the others” he clutches your shoulder before standing up. “And you need a refill”
You nod, looking back at your empty glass, propping yourself onto your feet. “Poe, wait” he turns back to you, an expectant curiosity painted over his face, watching as you step closer to him. 
“If you asked me out again,” you say, a playful smirk forming on your lips. “I’d say yes. It’d be part of my new life”
His grin widens as he fully turns to you. “Oh yeah?” he asks, an eyebrow raised and a teasing edge to his voice. 
His eyes roam over your face, his teeth sinking into his bottom lip as you nod. “Yeah”
He steps closer, the space between you shrinking as his hand brushes yours before he holds it again, this time more deliberately and more confidently. “You should have. Kissed me” he murmurs as your gaze darts to your linked hands then back to him, unable to repress the smile growing onto your face.
“I know,” you chuckle, watching him let his fingers intertwine with yours when you don’t pull away, his touch firm, grounding you with a peacefulness you haven’t felt in what seems to be ages. “But who says it's too late?”
“If I was that petty, I would” he grins, a teasing glint in his eyes, but the warmth in them conveys the playfulness of his words. 
You lean in to kiss him before either of you can overthink it, your free hand instinctively grabbing at the back of his neck like he can somehow still slip away from you, your fingers burying in his mass of hair damp from the heavy atmosphere.
His hand slides out of yours to cup your face and the kiss lingers, warm and unhurried, neither of you caring about the laughter and music of the celebration in the background. When you finally pull back, your foreheads touch, and you see the playful grin on his face that makes your chest ache with fondness. “Took you long enough” he teases.
“You’re so desperate” you shoot back, your tone lacking any real bite, significantly softened by the smile that refuses to leave your face. 
“You were hard to get.”
“Alright, okay” you scoff, your hand sliding to rest against his torso, adjusting the collar of his shirt on the way. 
The teasing slowly fades from his face, his hand reaching up to cover yours over the rise and fall of his torso, gently closing around your fingers
“I’ll make time for you.” he says, his voice low and sincere. “Between work, flying, building everything we’ve lost and our lives again… I’ll make time for us. I promise”
You find yourself nodding, swallowing his every word, blindly trusting him; because if there is one thing you know for sure, it is that Poe Dameron never makes empty promises.
You let out a breath you hadn’t realized you had been holding, and for the first time in what feels forever, moving forward doesn’t seem as terrifying.
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