#check me out on twt for me going insane in real time

[conswayo]

just like rotting flesh

[peachinspiration]

This is my first day officially moved out and with a rented room in a friend’s house with my brother and I am so so terrified and paranoid, I don’t wanna fuck things up cuz I CANNOT go back with my parents, I’d rather kms. Like I have never felt this much real anxiety in a long time and I almost wanna cry but I’m not. I’m just so terrified. My tarot cards said the job I applied to will accept my brother and I, so I’m not so worried about that, but fuck man having to Uber to and back until we afford a car (after finally being able to complete drivers ed) is fucking terrifying to me idk.

I’m upset that I feel so paranoid and anxious, cuz I really thought when I moved out I’d feel freedom for the first time in forever, but no I’m fucking terrified help. But at least it shows me how much actual pain I need to overcome, cuz all of this feels like uhh ok so yk how it’s like when you get attacked and run you’re completely numbed out but when you finally find a resting spot all of it catches up at full force?? That’s how it feels rn. Except it’s like leaving a lifelong toxic home situation, I’m not used to it and I’m insanely antsy. I’m just really scared of fucking up.

I plan to apply for EBT and to check on the waitlist for me to get on adhd meds, and once hired I plan to hire a driver instructor since I still have nobody who can help otherwise. I sorta feel alone in this idk why, but I’m sure I’ll be ok. My cards told me to hear from others’ experiences of going through the same thing to help myself here and it’s right as usual.

Ok whew yea this feels good to write about cuz I finally feel myself calming down. I haven’t been able to actually journal write or anything in a long time and it’s just been choppy twt priv vents but yea again this is really therapeutic.

But ya idk I’m scared, but at the same time I know I’ll be okay deep down. Another thing I’m excited about is that with money saved up, I’ll be able to finally travel to see my bf without anyone stopping me :•) I’ll go to Chile without having to be interrogated about it or prevented from traveling there!! My brother said he may even wanna come with me. So I’m very excited about that. I’ll have to hurry up on my Spanish studies tho and begin to speedrun learning the Chilean dialect and accent haha thankfully I have my bf for that.

I think when I’m more settled in I’ll finally write that paragraph of educating to that one person I called out for being racist recently then block them after since I don’t wanna deal with anymore mess. It’s just too uncomfortable to deal with.

At the same time tho, life does feel super different. My past life feels very far away now, but now I’m stuck with all sorts of emotional baggage from it. It’s kinda making me realize how hurt and vulnerable I truly am from it. My older sister probably felt the same way when she was kicked out at 18. God I really don’t know what to expect. Maybe I’ll consult my cards about it since I have most of them with me now. I still have some things leftover back at the house but it’s ok. Maybe I’ll make myself a blessing jar.

I already miss my dog though. That’s a part that REALLY sucks cuz of how close we are to her. I miss her really badly and feel kinda sick over it :^( her mental health gets affected whenever my brother and/or I are separated from her and she’s also old and gonna be 14 sometime this year. I’m not worried about her passing on cuz she’s still very active and runs fast and has energy and still acts like a baby though. But man I want her so badly.

I’m terrified of appearing like a burden around here and I’m terrified of my friend or her parents hating me cuz I’m so used to people I live with hating on me in some way and treating me degradingly. I kinda wish I could just shut everything off for a moment and be somewhere timeless for as long as I want to let everything out then come back lolol like yk time stopping. I hope I make more friends. I’ve kinda gone through a huge irl friend purge in the recent years especially as I came to further terms about being trans. Also a lot of people turned out to be completely nuts now. Like how my childhood “best” friend slowly showed more and more abusive tendencies. First toward me and then toward everyone else, to the point of actually threatening lives all cuz this guy wouldn’t love her back.

Oh also wow crazy the moon is full in two days. Fun stuff I’d better prepare for it since I finally have the freedom to. I hope I have my lighter packed with me, I think I have my matches.

[stormblessed95]

Memories 2015 Disc 1 - 2

So I asked awhile ago when I said I was going back to watch every memories DVD they have released so far, if you would be interested in commentary from me as I did so. There were a lot of people who said yes, so here we are! I have officially watched BTS Memories of 2015. Here are my thoughts as I went. There were only 4 DVDs in this one. Reminder that these aren't going to be smoothly written out thoughts. You get these like I'm live reacting, texting my bestie or live tweeting. Lol it'll be in like bullet point format sort of, just... a commentary post as I go. Lol Hope you enjoy anyway! Let's go!

Disc 1:

BTS Live Trilogy Episode 1, BTS Begins Concert and Encore:

This was a concert only performed twice to promote their school trilogy albums. They performed it 150328 and 150329 in Korea. The opening VCR was so much softer this time with baby BTS pics of them from Middle and Highschool. But they also definitely kept up the rebellious students/mean teacher theme from 2014 too.

Track list:

Jump

Shook Luv Affair + Outro: Luv in Skool

Where You From

J-hope and Jimin Dance Battle

We are Bulletproof pt. 1

We are Bulletproof pt. 2

No More Dream

NO

Tomorrow

Outro: Do You Think This Makes Sense

Like + I Like It pt. 2

Converse High

24/7 Heaven

2nd Grade

If I Ruled The World

Cypher pt. 1 and pt. 2

Danger

War Of Hormone

Attack on Bangtan

Boyz with Fun

Miss Right

Boy in Luv

Born Singer

Jump with a backpack dance break was amazing. Jimin and Jhope dance battle is insane and I love how it's from 2015 and still resurfaces on twt/YouTube all the time. Tae hyping Jimin and saying he practiced the choreo with him and Jin hyping Jhope and trying out his moves was all so cute. We are Bulletproof pt 1 is such an amazing song. I wish we got more from it release wise on an album somewhere or even just put it on Spotify. Please! Lol love how they transitioned that straight into pt 2 though too. And the fact that they performed No More Dream and NO in legit bulletproof vests?! Those HAD to be heavy.

Tae's voice during tomorrow, please! 😭 Jimin's highnotes at the end of Do You Think This Makes Sense makes me wanna cry everytime. Goodness. And the HOLD that Yoongi's verse in Converse High has on me is insane. I do love that song. Lol and this was their premiere of that song for the first time! Hobi is bias wrecking me SO HARD through this entire concert. My goodness. Rapline makes me question my entire bias line anytime they perform a rapline unit song on stage, especially during Cypher when Joon yells "Bitch, I'm a monster" He is SO COOL. Jin causally ruffling and fluffing his hair as he sings like an angel a d struts down the stage like he isn't killing us all in the best way. Jungkooks vocals during Attack on Bangtan 😭😭😭

Excuse me, wtf happened that I missed and why did Jimin randomly come up to and push JK while laughing after they were all wildly hip thrusting during War Of Hormone?! Lol and Tae with the ass slaps, why was that part of their choreo? I swear 🤣

Boyz with Fun will always be a favorite of mine. And the guys all hyping up producer Suga for writing the song and for writing Let Me Know from their last album. Just out here reminding me once again why Yoongi is my bias. Lol imagine hobi singling you out in the crowd during a concert to sing half his verse of Miss Right to. Did anyone check on her after this concert? Did she survive?!

Namjoon first telling Jimin he is the real baby of their group while helping him get his jacket on for Boy in Luv. lol Then during ending speeches when Jimin is saying he isn't as good at giving cool speeches like Rapmon hyung, Joon interupts and goes "it's okay, you have a great body." Lmfao Hobi getting all emotional and saying all their families were in the crowd that night too. All their ending speeches always make me wanna cry and give them hugs every single time. And they are ending the concert with Born Singer, legit they are out to make everyone sob with that one. Jungkook basically sings almost the entire time too with harmonies and verses and ad libs, he sounds so heavenly even at the end of a 2.5 hour concert.

BTS Begins Concert Making Film:

They were filming when it was freezing cold out. Staff waiting to give them jackets whenever they were off camera. Jin being shy about acting too cool for school. Lol and Jimin struggling with sitting cool on the seesaw while JK just gleefully spins like a crazy person on the spinning roundabout ride. Jimin joining him and getting VERY dizzy. JK pretending to try and make a fire to warm them up while Jimin is just giggling his butt off watching him in the back.

The way they all fanboyed over the actor who is playing the teacher and telling him about seeing him in a movie before this. Lol

Aww Jhope giving Jimin heart hair to express their love for ARMY and JK saying it was like his hairstyle from NO. And they were all so cold, you could tell, all wearing Hot Packs under their clothes, Jin wearing 12 of them! Lol directors tell them to hang around together. BTS randomly starts dancing to no music and acting goofy. Editors: "doing a weird group dance." Except there is Jungkook, standing slightly off to the side watching them all and looking slightly like "what in the world are they doing?"

Tae was dancing so hard he accidentally ripped his pants!! Lmfao and Jimin scolding Suga for filming his butt while he was trying to cover it and walk away. 🤣🤣 Poor Tae.

The Taekook clip of Tae kicking the ball at JK, hitting him and sending his phone flying only for JK to chase after him out the door, only to have them end up cuddling for a nap later is from this video! I love this clip and loved seeing it in full! Love how it started out with Vhope Goofing off and kicking it around with each other first too. And the way that Jihope are playing tag on rolling chairs during this chaos too, not much practicing at the start of this dance practice. Lol love seeing them have fun. Jhope and Jimin also talking about how they just became roommates and Jimin is not sure it was a good idea. Only for them to become "eternal roommates" 🥺🥺

The Born Singer practice is legit so cute and funny. The way they all shuffled their feet around to spin in a circle since the dance floor doesn't spin like the stage does. Lol JK rapping Namjoons verse with him and how endeared everyone was by it, especially Jimin. Everyone holding hands to spin in a circle again and Vmin linking their fingers together. 🥺 and performing Born Singer seemed to make all the members emotional and want to cry along with us. JK saying it's hard not to cry when everyone else is and Jimin going "aww you are still a baby" and JK going "No, i didn't cry though!" Sooo cute.

While getting ready for Day 2, Jimin says "our fans might think I cried during Born Singer yesterday, but I really didn't." Editors: "I think you did..." they never let them breathe 😂 Zooming in on JK crying is not fair though. Not at all 😭 someone hug him!

They work SO hard. So unbelievably hard. They love ARMY so much and each other and what they do. Suga said he stayed up until 5am practicing and Namjoon said he said up super late working on his mixtape. They were all so nervous everytime before getting on stage, only to always kill it!

Discs 1 and 2 complete! I'll make a part 2 (and maybe part 3) for the other 2 discs to prevent this post from being too long! But Im loving this so far! They are so cute and I'm loving seeing the way they have already grown and some dynamics and started shifting around a tiny bit just from 2014 memories. Most of this is more official content and less of them just playing around together so far, but it is truly amazing to get to see it all! Disc 3 is more concert performances and I'm excited!! Thanks for letting me share!

[yeongwonie]

THAT'S GOOD!! im doing okay too haha just surviving junior year is a PAIN but we gonna steamroll right through (๑•̀ㅂ•́)و✧ ohno senioritis rip praying for u 😔🙏 OMG WAIT MY BDAY IS REALLY SOON TOO??!?!? hold up. 😳 yes i read tags so OMG slay yeona go get that boy 🤗!! -☁

HI CLOUD ANON MY FAV i'm gonna give u a long response on this one bc i don't wanna spam u w replies but!!!

I HOPE UR STILL STEAMROLLING THRU HI HELLO!!!!! thanku i am literally just running on pure caffeine until december but for now we r surviving altho maybe not thriving... WOAH???? libra twins(?) that's so cool if it's alr passed happy belated bday!! and if not happy early bday <3<3

update on the loml unfortunately he did friendzone me WHILE i was at the enha concert so that was a really fun moment of my life but we're still friends and altho i'm not completely over it yet (bc we still talk every day and walk to class together hahahahha sobbing my eyes out) i'm kind of okay w it it's not a big deal......... 😵😵😵😵😵😵😵😵

BUT YES THE ENHA CONCERT one of the best nights of my life if we ignore the Other stuff that happened!!!! SHOUT OUT TWO TIMES IN A ROW NEARLY TOOK ME OUT i left this plane of existence good god i still cannot believe they're real people. and also their mics were on and their vocals were insane????? especially jungwon heeseung sunoo sunghoon okay i'm just listing all of them atp ALL OF THEIR VOCALS. AND THEIR DANCING IRL. just wow

thank u endlessly for sending me these asks they truly do make my day wnv i see them altho i don't check in here as much as of late... if u ever do decide to make a tumblr pls don't hesitate to shoot me a dm or even j send me an ask i would love to be mutuals on ig or twt or somewhere i'm more active!! i love u and i hope u have the best day <3

[thoughts-on-bangtan]

Tbh i find it rly funny how other shippers have started to feel threatened ever since lets bts and have started camping on vminie twts. Like it was a sincere statement from tae and even us vminies wont take it as a love confession or anything. But these other shippers, i get feeling threatened or sad but how does attacking other shippers make their ship anymore real. I m also seeing some toxic taejinners which i m shocked i didnt know they were like that. Anyway i guess even vminnies need to be

More level headed and not go into delusions. Yes it was a very sweet and very genuine statement but that doesnot prove that vmin are a real couple. It jist proves what we always knew that vmin are precious to each other and have a very deep bond. So i hope vminnies wont become cocky and be toxic to other shippers. Please do consider posting this ask bcoz i m seeing some vminnies getting swept up in their own thoughts.

I do mostly agree, and I’ve also seen this new very aggressive wave coming at vminnies from other shippers in the last two days, though admittedly that wave has been steadily building for quite a while now. I’ll never understand that mentality, since ship w*rs are one of the most pointless things you can engage in since, like you pointed out anon, even if one shipper camp “wins” against another, that won’t change reality and their ship won’t magically become real or more valid or anything like that. As ARMY we should appreciate every bond within BTS, regardless if it’s a bond we think has potential of being romantic or is “merely” platonic. All their bonds are wonderful after all.

But, what Admin 2 and I find even more alarming in all of this is the literal tsunami of hate and toxicity that’s been happening against Tae since Let’s BTS. It’s happening on all sns platforms and it’s just truly vile and crosses all the lines and then some. When you check the profiles to which those posts belong, it’s quite easy to tell that they are either solos or “believers” of other ships who very much did not enjoy Tae’s words, or Jimin’s to Tae.

What can we do? Well, we can’t police how people will behave on sns, can’t police and watch every Vminnie and somehow get them to “behave”, that’s simply not realistic. The bigger a “fandom” grows, the harder it becomes to control it and make sure everyone stays rational and doesn’t get swept up in petty fights and other stupid things. The bigger the “fandom”, the more likely it is that you’ll find a few bad apples even if the bigger part of it all is rational and chill. The only thing we can do, realistically, is pay attention to our own mindset, to not allow ourselves to drift off into delulu land in such a manner that we, too, turn into “believers” preaching conspiracy theories and spinning crazy speculations. If we want to be delulu, we should always remember to put our hats on (just in case), make that clear to the people reading our posts/tweets, and remember that none of us, regardless of whichever ship we like, will ever know if any of our thoughts are true unless the members themselves tell us.

As long as we remain rational, stick to facts and quotes that we have sources and actual, factual “evidence” for, instead of just making things up to fit our narrative, we should be okay. Besides, even just taking Tae’s words to Jimin about how he likes him the most at face value is overwhelmingly sweet, genuine and impossibly sincere, and shows how beautiful their bond is.

The only true advice I have is this: don’t give in to any ship w*rs. If other shippers come into your space and try to mess with you, ignore them. The block button is truly your best friend, or if too many come at you, go private and wait it out. Don’t try to argue or reason with them because regardless of what you’ll say, and how solid your “proof” is, they won’t care. They just want you to react, want your attention. They want to feel powerful by seeing you bow down to them, by getting you to eventually give up. Or, which I’ve also seen, they’ll take your observations about vmin and make them their own, claim their ship does that, too, or that they’re the only ones with which that’s true. Even if it isn’t. And if you see something that crosses the line into pure hate, or purposeful(ly) misleading/misrepresentation of things in a way that is really harmful, report it. 

Eventually, if you don’t give them attention, they’ll give up because it’ll stop being entertaining.

A little addition from an anon we just received and I agree with:

what is saddest for me is how those people who claim to be fans do not accept tae’s sincere words and decide twist it to fits their narrative. for how many years tae and jm have been talking about how they like each other. Are they calling them them false and liars? it’s unhealthy. it's about respect. people are crossing boundaries. If vmin are all over the place is their choice. The same goes when they keep their private time to themselves.

Or when tae and jm are “always” with other members. And what we as vminie do? We respect that. Why people think they can decide what the members should or shoudnt feel about each other. They know each other for 10 years while those people claim to know them better lol. People should think more how that is insane. Anyway let’s enjoy VMIN they want us to enjoy it. because tae said 95z are love so let’s love and ignore the rest 🥰 

[nighttimepixels]

TALK TO US ABOUT MASS EFFECT I HAVE BEEN AN INSANE MASS EFFECT/SHAKARIAN TRASH PERSON SINCE 20-FUCKING-11 AND LEMME TELL YOU THOSE FEELINGS HAVENOT TARNISHED A SINGLE FRACTION IN THOSE TEN YEARS OH MY GOOOOOOODDDSSSS!!!!!!!

I DEMAND A PLAY-BY-PLAY UP TO THE MINUTE OF YOUR REACTIONS TO EVERYTHING!!!!

you are so valid and I totally see why everyone I've ever mentioned it to loves the hell out of it

aksdjlsdfj I meannnn if you want to hear my rambling about it then hell yeah

Okay, gonna put this below the cut to save everyone else XD also- since I'm not leaving this Mass Effect obsession anytime soon, if you're not interested in seeing occasional posts about it, please feel free to block the tag "night plays ME"~

(mild spoilers ahead??)

((also for real I mean it when I say this is rambling as hell lol, apologies and no stress if absolute no one reads all this))

OKAY SO Mass Effect 1-

Stars help me, I was honestly hooked right from the start?? Like even in Legendary Edition (the combined trilogy just re-released in one "can play it on one system + minor improvements", for anyone who doesn't know) where it's smoothed out, of course it's obvious that ME1 is a decade old... but the foundation for these relationships are all there and gods I love them already.

Like - Kaiden right off the top is a delightful good fightin lad, what the hell. I've heard that he's viewed as 'bland' by a good portion of the fan community but I dunno, he's a delight and even more complex by the time 2 rolls around and you encounter him on Horizon, it was honestly Ashley I was way more meh about - mostly because before you can learn about her family history/etc, she comes off as hella xenophobic and I was immediately offended for my growing space family that she didn't like/trust all the aliens around, pfff.

(she gets redeemed a bit through further actions/evolving thoughts, but I thought in retrospect it was a bummer that they didn't flip the order there, give her a chance to be liked before the complicating factor of being so rude about aliens >:c that then she could grow from... ah well. Apparently she has a good arc but uh, let's just say I chose Kaiden at the "key junction" in the latter part of the game so I won't be seeing anymore of Ashley uh... anytime soon, haha.)

Garrus??? Is??????? The ABSOLUTE best???????????

I liked him from the start, I'm always a bit of a sucker for a rogue-detective "the system won't bring this bastard to justice, so I've got to" type and all their moral shadiness XD But he just gets better, honestly, and where I'm at in ME2 (right before the Reaper IFF mission, as of typing this, with everyone's loyalty!) I am only digging myself deeper into this hole-

-*wheezing* okay anyways -

Wrex is AMAZING I love fightin' middle-aged krogan bastard, gods. Liara is great too, I'm a sucker for a wlw relationship (playing fem!Shepard, so) - buuuut I'll admit she's a bit more one-note in ME1. Last week while I was still on ME1 I remember hearing (while trying to dodge spoilers) that her arc is really good, though. I think they leaned a little hard on the 'innocent but sexy' sterteotype on her (so despite the yikes aspect of a few of the things I've learned in ME2, lol, I actually really like the complexity that's been added to her character.)

Saved Liara first, so by the time I got to Noveria and had the standoff with Benezia there was the chance to have emotions over Liara having to face her TwT and of course, I made the questionable but quality decision to free Queen Rachni heheh. no ragrets

More than a blow-by-blow of my choices though I totally wanna take the chance to say that even in the mild jankiness of ME1 (goddammit, the Mako.... please..... please just go up this impossible cliff I just want to resource hunt-) the way that the lore, both obvious/key to main plot and the lesser/filler/background/world-building kinds... I just love it. It incorporates it well, you can go ham in the codex learning more, or just dive into the basics - it's clearly a complex galaxy (and they do an even better job in 2 of fleshing it out further), and it never really felt overwhelming. It was pretty natural figuring it all out-!

Plus the interesting implications of resource hunting amongst the sapient races, and the little side missions you better bet I did every one of- there's so much rich depth in the story if you do 'em!! (And that lead with that Keeper side mission...? Looking back, damn, clever foreshadowing-!!!)

And oh my gods, Ilios??? hell yeah. I loved that mission so much, especially having Garrus & Kaiden with me when talking to the hologram/computer, and more than anything, that last sprint in the Mako trying to get to the jump before it closed-???

yeet the boi-

Also mannn I love a good setpiece, and having to go up the side of the elevator, space-side?? such a cool setup!!

Plus it felt good having been Paragon enough (as simple as the good v bad vibe system is, I don't hate it, lol) to avoid one of the Saren fights, ngl. And the er, "second fight" with Sovereign-Saren.... hell yeah

... I'll admit I had to double check my choice re whether to save the Council. I did in the end, but I swear, sometimes the way they phrase things I'm like ".... okay but Garrus is right, defeating Sovereign is more important than these few leaders??????" woops. Listen, priorities, is all I'm saying..... (￣ヮ￣|||)ゞ

'Course later they emphasize (in ME2) that there were 10,000 people on that same ship and I was like well I wouldn't have second guessed if I'd known that, I mean c'mon-

Also I did indeed romance Liara in this one, so I got that scene ;Dc But,,,, I also knew by the end that I was totally gonna romance Garrus in 2 since he's an option then finally,,,,, lemme tell you the guilt as I waffled over whether to romance Liara bc of it. hahaha.

Aaaaand Mass Effect 2-

So I'm only up to right before the Reaper IFF Mission, so I don't know the ending, etc etc lol. That said, I've just finished every side mission I've found with the exception of the Shadowbroker Quest and the Arrival Quest (I've heard the latter basically leads into ME3, and the former is best either right before the Omega 4 jump or in postgame).

So from the start - fuck yeah fuck yeah what a high adrenaline start Shepard noooooo but also yes save Joker aH-

The motion comic too hot damn nice job

I loved this setup, seriously - especially forcing Shep into this situation, having to work with/for Cerberus, and the compelling reasoning given behind "why" they do what they do (I especially found it a good point that the Salarians have the Task Force, the Asaris the Commandos, the Turians the- etc... like, true, when you put it like that, having a similar group advancing human interests/solving human interstellar problems is pretty reasonable...). That said, I love too that it really isn't shied away from how Cerberus is nonetheless fucked up - or its at least done fucked up stuff.

Listen, I still think some messed up stuff is gonna be revealed in 2's endgame......... after that Horizon mission and the Collector's ship???? TIM I SEE YOU YOU SHADY MF-

aaanyways lol...

I'm so so glad on a gameplay level they nixed the Mako style exploration. A few Hammerhead missions are fine and a lot more focused than the slippery ass navigation in that glorified ATV, pfff. The probes are a neat way of getting after similar resources - and more importantly, having good levels and some good hubs (the Zakera Wards, Omega, Ilium, etc) is way way more fun than having a more 'sprawling' space that is.... a lot of empty nonsense, lol.

Then there's the fact that we get Joker right off the bat and you can interact with him so much - and him and EDI??? Get out gods I love them. Kasumi is so right when she says they sound like a bickering old married couple lol. I have a terrible feeling that some shit is gonna happen with EDI..... but I don't think she's evil as-is, at least.

Side-eying the hell out of those "access forbidden" parts of her that she doesn't even know.... and the fact that her AI core has a locked door access................... something's gonna happen gdi LEAVE OUR ADOPTED AI ALONE.

(Also Joker pls stop fracturing your thumb on the mute button)

Also please save me there are so many hot aliens in this game,,,,, the xeno/monsterfuckers really comin' through strong in the sequels............... doin' the lord's work........................................

In general, I love how many levels ME stepped up in two with complexity and interwoven narratives!! Like, to the point it'd be almost a drag to replay ME1, even though it was fun going through it (if occasionally a bit tedious with the cookie cutter rando planet science/mine facilities, lol). Like, just from how fun and interesting ME2 is, mostly! more of all the pre-introduced races, plus new ones, plus more filling in of intragalactic politics, and more interesting implications of all these space-faring races mixing....

Also gods WREX and his planet holy shit,,,,, fuckin' hell yeah my man get their shit together and also adopt Grunt yes good-

And Mordin??? My singing semi-evil scientist best friend forced to confront his choices more than he thought he ever would have???? With some of the best ongoing general report chatter of all the companions??

(when I tell you I choked on my coffee when I talked to him after confirming romance choice w/ Garrus and that 'pamphlet' and 'anaphalactic shot if ingesting-' kajsldkfjsldfjk)

Like, fuck, the fact that they actually dive into the mixed morality and horrors of the genophage, and you can confront Mordin on it, for good reason, yet he still stands his ground, until finally some bits of his loyalty mission seem to... affect him, and I'm guessing might set up things for 3 with him? Unsure, but either way, damn, the fact that they start to dig into it...

And Taliiiii my beloved forbidden alien wife TwT her loyalty mission was SO GOOD. I love how varied they all are?? Getting to defend her and discover what she'd unwittingly been a part of-!!

Zaeed is a bastard but tbh I love that he is and that he's unapologetic in him - and Kasumi omg, best thief. A heist?? Gods, yes- I love our couch lounge chats XD

Samara is..... illegally.......... she's an illegally powerful and beautiful and eloquent MILF...........................

(.... listen I'm sapphic as hell and I'm kicking my own ass for picking her up last aksjdlfksjdfl - but her loyalty mission, damn. And seeing how there's this interesting cultural subset, and the struggle with the Asari in that they unquestioningly accept/respect justicars, but also know that the impact outside their culture is a diplomacy nightmare waiting to happen-)

,.,,,,,T,,, Thane,,,,,

I am weak for morally implicated murder dads okay?? And that voice??? His mannerisms?????? How you first see him, and that prayer after assassinating her...???????? And his history/his people's history with the hanar, gods I love how messy it is, it feels so much more real!

Also Jack is a mess and I love her (and want to get her some therapy, omg), and her and Miranda nearly duking it out after you've done both their loyalty missions??? so good and makes a lot of sense-! Honestly I would love more interactions between teammates on the ship, but there's already so much the devs had to balance I can't blame 'em for minimizing, heh. But suffice to say I also love Miranda and Jacob, even if I'm softest for my alien crew XD Hell yeah Jacob, we'll get loud and spill drinks on the citadel indeed TwT

.... I could write a whole essay on how much I love Garrus oTL Perhaps because he and Tali are the throughlines from 1 on your 2 crew, I have some of the strongest feelings about them... but genuinely, he was one of my favorite companions in the first game, and how you find him as Archangel in two? Getting to help him fight his way out after he's gone nearly 48 hours straight fighting off three gangs alone, jfc. His vengeance quest and what can happen there.... That line? fuck me, that line -

It's so much easier to see the world in black and white. Grey? I don't know what to do with gray...

How DARE you come for my heart like this, devs holy shit

(also, some other choice faves so far from the series from him include We can disobey suicidal orders?? and This wasn't in my training manual... [in 1, if you have him with you @ th Thorian fight] and his whole.... pop the heat sink - in his romance ;Dc)

asdasdfksadjfkl like I said I can write an essay on him PFFF suffice to say I'm very looking forward to his romance scene and where things go in 3

But yeah gods I'm just gonna keep rambling if I'm not careful lol. Gods I don't even know what to talk about it's all so good and while I can understand people roasting the obviousness of Paragon V Renegade (v neutral) choices/alignments, I think they do a pretty damn good job in 2 of pushing it further - to the point that there were some times that I accidentally got renegade points and I wasn't that mad, haha. There's so much fun in the interactions that I just have a good time anyways~

I have so many thoughts about TIM (The Illusive Man) and Cerberus.... theories evolving galore............... and like, what the hell!! Omega 4 going to the center of the galaxy is such a cool twist, goddamn - though my heart still breaks at losing Kaiden (his line if you haven't romanced him?? about feeling like he lost a limb when he lost you??? holy shit.... but I also can't blame him for not trusting Cerberus to the point of it affecting his ability to trust Shepard... like fuck Shep go after himmmm) I'm really excited to see where that goes since he comes back in 3, and what the fuck happens with Cerberus bc while I love the fact that obviously there are a lot of people in it for the right reasons, doing good work, there are those that are doing the opposite, and I have a very bad feeling about where TIM will end up landing....

All that said though I need to do the Reaper IFF mission (where I'm lightly spoiled as to getting That Boy, but not how/what happens to make it so - just that it's apparently wise to have all your side missions done before getting him...) and the actual Omega 4 jump. So we'll see what happens and what I think about it from there heheh!

.... major kudos and genuine props if you made it here to the end, I am so sorry for not editing on condensing all this, and appreciate you so much ;w;

[dearhaos]

bye bye 2020, hello 2021 !!

happy new year everyone!! there’s a lot of people i want to thank for making last year so much more bearable so i tried writing some messages for some of my dearest mutuals this year as well!! (keyword tried because i absolutely cannot put my feelings and thoughts into words. i love you all though and thank you so so so much!!!)

@angelhyunjin : angi!! i know you’re not on here anymore (actually i just found out . i ran to twt to find u as quick as i could!!) but it felt weird not?? putting you on here because you WERE a big part of my year!! i was always excited to chat with you and i rlly rlly loved (still do) seeing your art and your dance covers i can’t believe how talented at both you are!! you are really really lovely and even if it’s been a while i hope you know i still think of you and hope you’re doing well!! this year might have been hard but i hope 2021 will be much nicer to you because you definitely deserve it!! i love you!! 

@cinanamon : stephie!! i think we haven’t talked in a while until we started suddenly bonding over minho but all is well that ends well because now we are the founders of a minho cult and that’s all i could hope for in life i think! we don’t talk that much but seeing your tags in all the minho posts is always a TIME i absolutely love reading them! thank you for being there to lose it over minho, always, but also for being there in general! you are really sweet and i do love to talk to u!! i also know you are a really good writer so i hope 2021 brings you lots of inspiration to write more!! (and i’ll finally catch up on your fics too! hehe) happy new year!! 

@cocogoat : puppy !! i think we haven’t been friends for long actually and that sounds fake because that would mean there was a time i didn’t instinctively check your blog when i woke up in the morning (or the evening let’s be real)?? you are so! adorable and for what!!!!!! i really do love seeing you pop up in my phone notifs and reading your posts even if i dont have any idea what they’re saying half of the time unless it’s dgrp (i cannot believe i have a dgrp friend now. amazing i think i won) u are so funny and so cute and i’m really glad i got to know you because!! you’re such a nice friend that i! love! times can be hard but i hope 2021 is gentle with you because that is! what! you deserve! gentle pats and tight hugs! (maybe that’s why i associate ab6ix’s heaven with you it’s the gentle vibes) <3

@glossiers : miss bri i am in love w u that’s it. no i’m kidding that’s not it i have much more to say . i am in lov w u though #brillie2k21 i think. i think it’s been a surprisingly short time since we’ve actually started talking?? which is kinda crazy if u ask me because?? how the hell did i live my life without screaming BRIIIII whenever i see u on the dash like for real how . that sounds like a life so empty like. that would rlly be missing . something?? anyways u are a dear dear friend that i really really love and i’m sure you know that but i will keep saying it anyway! i’m sure i’m pretty annoying so thanks for putting up with me! and for talking to me! i feel like i’ve said it before but! you are a delight to see on the dash and i lovlovlov talking to u (and sending u pics of my cats, thank u for appreciating them). i still cannot believe u managed to convince yourself i was a hyeongjun stan though. hope i can be convincing enough to clear that up and leave no doubts in your brain this year. anyways i love you and i hope we can continue to be friends and talk even MORE this year!!!!!! happy new year ilu <3

@hwacinth : miss dia my sweet sweet floral nymph real life shirayuki and queen of urls! i am? so so so so so glad that we are friends you literally have my heart it is YOURS i can’t even try to claim it back!! you literally are shirayuki i don’t even know how to elaborate i think it’s just self-explanatory but you are just. such a sweet little sunshine!! it’s like you bring spring everywhere you go!! we could be in a middle of a metaphorical storm but when you appear the skies clear up and flowers bloom wherever you step and i cannot help but smile when i see you online!! thank you so so much for being my little ray of sunshine in these tough times! i hope to see even more of your posts this year!! don’t hesitate to live blog anything you watch in my dms if you feel like you’re posting too much (but i hope you never feel that way because you’re not . love seeing u live post it is absolutely amazing i won’t ever get tired of it)!! happy new year and i love you!! ps only 1 more hour until your birthday HAPPY BIRTHDAY DIA ILUUU <3 I HOPE YOU CAN HAVE A WONDERFUL ONE!! IM SENDING YOU CAKE TELEPATHICALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

@hwisgf : sorinaaaa! happy new year!! we don’t talk that much but it is always nice seeing you around! you are vv sweet and i really appreciate that, thank you for taking the time to talk to me sometimes!! you are also probably my only fantasy mutual?? which is terrible on one side because i think everyone should stan sf9 but that’s besides the point . i really do love the fact that i at least have u to talk to abt sf9 if need and i LOVE seeing u in love with hwi it is absolutely amazing. i am forever grateful for all the free hwi pics days too!! <3 i hope 2021 can be a year full of happiness for you!! (also that is also besides the point but @ fnc i want an sf9 cb announcement) ILY!! (and so does hwi)

@inkigayeo : miss vivi galaxy brain happy new year!! we only started talking recently but u do have my heart already!! i hope this year treats you well and that we can get to know each other more and be friends hehe!!!! <3 (my other wish is for u to stop breaking my heart with those fake titles. please . why should san NOT come back explain yourself .)

@jeongcheols : mimi . mimi mimi mimi im literally typing this as u are listening to that ten n dj stage ok now it’s kai ok anyways . ANYWAYS i am loving your sm concert live commentary . criminal is sounding amazing taemin is insane indeed (yes i took a break before coming back to writing this) i truly don’t know what to say?? n i have to keep watching the time so that i can scream HAPPY NEW YEAR into the mic in 14 minutes. but like?? i love you?? like. like for real i don’t know what i would’ve done without you?? also it’s weird writing this for tumblr instead of just in your messages (also i can’t focus with idea playing. idea soty). and i mean. you technically know all of this but like?? i can’t believe we’ve known each other for so long but also such a short time at the same time like. what. thank you for being my bestestest friend and my soulmat i don’t think i would’ve been able to remain sane this year (and last year too honestly) if it wasn’t for you?? thank you for always listening to my incoherent rants and i’m always so sorry for spamming you while you’re asleep i know you must wake up to like 150+ messages with absolutely no connection between them and they’re all just so random i truly don’t know how you manage to not get annoyed and to just stay with me all this time i’m- getting emotional. you had a terrible year, i know it! i really do!! and while it might not be looking too bright right now, i hope the universe hears me and treats you much better in 2021 because!! you deserve so much more!! you deserve the world, really!!! i love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (i would write more really but like what is there to say literally i’m just (your emoji)) i love you for real;;

@nakyngs : ele <3 happy new year!!!!!! we haven’t talked much this year but i do think of u a lot daily i hope you know that!! and i love u a lot! even if i still need to catch up on all your aus </3 i hope 2021 can be a fun and stress-free year for you!! and we should catch up sometime too!! ps i hope your fish are ok

@ncityzen : dear spring fairy!! i already sent you a new year’s message earlier today like what. 6 hours ago but! once again!! i really do hope you can leave the hard times behind in 2020 and only get the best things possible this new year!! i’m always very happy to see you appear on my dash and curious to see your life updates and your random literature-related mini-rants in the tags they are always very interesting to see!! so! hoping to see even more of that this year <3 i hope you know that i love you and i really care about you!!

@woojjongs : MISS IRI! i am screaming this very loud so hopefully u can hear me all the way in canada! okay i had to leave this one for last because i?? don’t really know how to start i’m just a pink glittery puddle with lil hearts flowing in it that is how i feel towards u right now . how does one think and how does one write down their thoughts coherently give me a second. this is going to be a mess maybe u shouldn’t read it (‘accidentally’ forgets to tag u). just know that i decided to play txt’s wishlist to write this and u might be confused by that but all u need to know is that it means i love you very much. OKAY so miss iri you are . such a wonderful pal i truly don’t know what i would’ve done without you like . it would feel so weird not seeing you around tumblr would be so so so so empty i don’t even think you can begin to imagine how empty i’d feel without you around here ksdjbskbds i absolutely adore you but we already knew that. i’m always super excited to see your gifsets and your nonsense!! be it your love for woojong or u missing lim jimin (play m.. 🔪) or your snoo brainrot or hating literally anyone on smtm or whatever else it might be i love it all!! you are so cute and adorable and talented and sweet and funny i cannot believe you also happen to be the prettiest person on earth too. how does that feel! anyways i love you so so so so so much? i keep telling you to hold back from committing crimes but i absolutely WOULD commit a crime for u i really do adore you!! i mean . how many groups did u make me stan . (ok actually i don’t think there’s that many. but STILL) i know i can be super annoying but thank u for taking the time to chat with me nonetheless!! i’m all over the place but . there’s times i come online literally just to check your blog nothing else! i hope we can continue to be friends this year too n perhaps talk more (or the same amount idk please tell me off when i’m too annoying)!! happy new year, i hope it holds wonderful things in store for u!!!!!! and we really are starting off great since victon comeback is approaching <3 (this got way too long i’m so sorry i’ll cut it off now before i write 10 pages)

@xiaocity : miss siya hello hello hello first of all i’m just so very glad that you’re back i l o v e you!!! i love seeing you around be it your gifs or your text posts which yes. i cannot properly understand half of the time but google is my best friend after all! you’re such a wonderful person and i’m just?? really glad to have you around like?? you feel kind of like a cousin i don’t always get to see but am always excited to talk to when i can? this might not make sense but. you are vvv cool and talented and funny and feel very like. reliable? i feel like i am not making any sense so like ignore me. what i’m saying is i really really like you a whole lot and i really hope we can talk even more in 2021!! happy new year, i hope it’s a wonderful one for you!!

@yunwoo : miss anna we haven’t been moots for that long and we haven’t talked much but u are vvv cute and i hope we can become (better) pals this year!! i’m looking forward to seeing u on the dash more often, hopefully!! happy new year <3

[softhaos]

ONE (1) YEAR OF SOFTHAOS

fellas, as of today – jan 14th 2019 – softhaos has turned one year old!! honestly, i never expected to last this long?? over the past year, i’ve gone through many ups and downs, made close mutuals, received so much emotional support from all kinds of people on this site and overall, i’m so thankful that i pulled my shit together and joined the community on tumblr! 

i still remember clearly when i first started out with this blog and posted the neighbor aus and got SO much support for it?? like?? i never thought it’d come this far where i could touch readers’ hearts with my word vomits?? that’s just insane. and even if you don’t read my works yet still follow me: wow, i’m so grateful that you managed to cope with my bullshit – be it from my undying hatred towards pcy and kmg, me abusing the uwuwuwu or my personal thoughts.

in other words, this is my message directed to everyone: thank you for keeping up with my bullshit uwu

now on to the part where i thank specific people for making my existence on this site more bearable,, i’ve left a message for everyone i tagged (i would’ve tagged literally everyone but i’m a stressed student i am so sorry if i forgot you kjldl and i would feel bad if i didn’t leave a note to everyone i tagged) and the list is in alphabetical order! @ anons i also left notes from you at the very bottom.

@baekberrie 💌 even though we just talked once literally two days ago thanks to my clumsy ass sending you an accidental ask, i’m so glad i actually did. pola (okay i got this from your about page im sorry kljsdl) you’re an amazing, kind and talented soul with whom i could’ve talked hours about soft bbh if it weren’t for my tiredness. i’ve only read your junmyeon oneshot so far but trust me, i’ll get to that cuddling fic with baek real soon once i’ve got more time uwu you’re honestly a talented writer and i hope we get to talk more in the future!

@baekbuns 💌 i’ve known you for how many days already you anon thot and i really can’t believe that i was vv intimidated by you at first (not gonna lie, you still scream bde but that’s another story-) hope, despite you trying to steal pretty much everyone from anyone, it’s still very fun to fight talk with you and you’re also an excellent writer uwuwuwu i am still very attacked by the thought of bartender yixing one day I WILL SUE YOU ALONG WITH PCY

@baekwell--tart 💌 bella!!!! ngl i’m still very pissed at myself for not realizing you from your old url but i’m glad i found you again!! (did i find you again? idk anymore i suffer from short term memory but i hope i got my point across sdjlkj) you’re such a warmhearted person and i’m really grateful that i got to know you. however, you’re also a funny person and that also shows in your writing - istg one day i will probably have “perpetual boredom” tattooed on my forehead don’t ask why that description of sehun will NEVER fail to make me chuckle!! you deserve all the love and happiness in the world and so much more uwu

@boosoonhao 💌 i know i keep repeating myself when it comes to you aj, but i really have no idea what else to say. i wrote it in the letter, i expressed myself way too often in the tags whenever i reblog your works, yet here i am doing it again (and maybe even more exaggerated than usual, we’ll see): aj, you are one of the most talented writers i’ve ever known and one of the greatest blessings in the community. there, i said it and i mean it! you are one of the very few i know that doesn’t shy away from fantasy-ish aus and executes them brilliantly. the way you have with your words is just fascinating and i find myself sometimes jotting down what you wrote for future references? but writing skills aside, you are a beautiful and kind person and up to this day the key chain you sent me is still intact. aj, thank you for blessing me, blessing everyone with your talent and general existence. 

@byuncaa 💌 bianca you smol soft bean you have my heart right there and though we don’t know each other for so long, i hope we get to talk more in the future uwu you’re such a cute soul gaaah it really makes me wanna send you all the soft memes i possibly own anywaY i hope you just stay as bubbly and bright and adorable as you are uwu

@cafechenle 💌 hani, kaito kid, i don’t know whether you’re still alive on tumblr or not but idc i’m still writing this to you anyway. you’re one of the first people i’ve met on this site and gOD i remember it as clear as day where i was so close to blocking you within the first few minutes of knowing you. yes, i’m talking about the entire mansae chan era discourse. anyway, we don’t talk as much but i hope you’re doing fine my wee lil silver boys supremacist!!

@changbeanbag 💌 landon, we literally just met yesterday but as you can see, i don’t care and i’m writing you a wee lil note anyway. you, my dude, radiate uwu energy and ngl i may have squealed when i saw your tags in the ask i sent you teehee - i hope we get to talk more in the future (that is, if school hasn’t killed me until then-)

@changbiinn 💌 kirra, you beautiful, blue haired visual goddess who has everyone else (including jisung yES I WENT THAT FAR) looking like a mere smurf and found dead in a ditch! i didn’t think i’d get an instant dm from that one inkigayo shitpost but you went ahead and proved me wrong sjljlks timezones fuck me up all the time but nonetheless i hope we get to interact a lil more and gET ENOUGH SLEEP OR ELSE

@cheolsjigyu 💌 MISS VAN NO I DID NOT FORGET YOU HEAR ME OUT. first of all, how could i forget you when you provided me all the great twt aus and the wild chats we had back in?? sometime early last year i guess. it’s been a very long time since we talked and i’m sorry i couldn’t reach out to you any time sooner due to school and the usual stuff (also, uh, i’m not the biggest friend of tumblr dms and barely check any messages there so there’s that too) believe it or not i still wheeze whenever i think of your fic swing baby because goddamnit that jyp song was one repeat for a good week. anyway, i hope you’ve been doing well and are not at the brink of near death like me uwu

@cherryxiu 💌 gran, frank, satan incarnate, whatever else i call you. you may fuck me up with the pcy i’ve never asked for but i hope you know you have a soft spot in my heart (i’ll never say that out loud again tho so see it as a one of a time thing). you’re my fav minseok stan and while i wouldn't necessarily jump off a cliff for you, i’d jump with you uwu anyway, aggressively refrain from sending me more pcy content i’m just trying to live an easy life here. but knowing you, you’ll definitely pretend as if that last part was never written so why do i even bother-

@chillihansol 💌 hanni my child!!! i hope you’re doing fine, aren’t as stressed anymore and have received the love you deserve and more!!! i still remember when i was highkey intimidated by you so i went on anon but then somehow you were startled by my lil threat and then i became your mom anon? funny that has changed over the time skldj hanni, i don’t regret ever going on anon for you and you’re an amazingly talented writer. i already said it once but i’ll say it again: guns n roses was the first svt fic i read on tumblr and just thank you for creating that piece uwu

@choco-seventeen 💌 miss choco, i almost tumbled down the nonexistent stairs in my apartment when i saw you ??? sliding into my dms ??? and then reading my word vomits ??? and then you followed me ??? and everything that followed after ??? i don’t know what in the world i did to have you notice me and up to today it remains a mystery to me ngl. we love a talented, kindhearted, fantastic, stunning, visual writing queen who is ofc the right person to love thanks to the avatar discourse she started!!! choco, keep on enlightening everyone’s life with your mere existence, the tags you put in your reblogs that make me smile and of course, wonderful stories <33

@custardheart 💌 taylor, i don’t think we have ever talked (unless you approached me on anon maybe then maybe yes??) but i just wanted to thank you for blessing my notifications. you’ve been supporting me / on my notifs for quite a long time - may i say you’re like one of the first followers i had when i first started out? THAT’S how long you’ve been here already and i can’t thank you enough <333 (please don’t ask me why i know that but goddamn every time i see that jeonghan profile picture i already know it’s you djklj)

@dinoshaur 💌 sha! lee! i know we barely talk to each other but i just wanted to use this opportunity to thank you for making some of my days with your astounding fics!! one of my favorite works from you will always be “flower crown prince” because you have NO idea how much i struggle with finding seungkwan fics dkkjljlk i’m sorry i didn’t submit anything for the lfw challenge i really tried to make it but you know, life problems happened whoops. i wish you all the happiness and inspiration and love from chan himself you gifted angel uwu

@forevershua 💌 dear fossil mother ryan, i can’t believe i internally pronounced your name wrongly for pretty much half a year knowing you. please forgive me. okay, but all seriousness aside, you’re one of the closest people from this site!! i really love you so so much though i can’t guarantee that i love you as much as you love jeonghan more than shua; i still shed tears whenever i pull out your two postcards - especially the minghao one; i think i suffered from mild heart palpitations when i got it in the mail (and still do). i hope we get to meet this year and possibly clown rat together and just stay the somewhat sane person left in the gc <33 p.s HOW DO YOU FUNCTION WITHOUT A FRIDGE I STILL CANT BELIEVE THAT

@gamerwoo 💌 rocket, you’re always active when it’s the ungodly hour where i live and it has happened more often that i stay awake because of you. not only do i have loads of stuff i can queue from you (teehee) you recently started posting stories again and the ones you hammered out lately just??? do things to me??? for real though do you have sadistic tendencies or somethin because you posted TWO (2) nsfw stories that I indulged at 2 AM IN THE MORNING. aside from that minghao and junmyeon stuff, uuuh, i finally got around to finish your ghoul au which i completely adore!! i’m looking forward to your upcoming works uwu and hope you get all the positivity and good vibes only uwu (p.s i have to confess: my dumb ass seriously thought the “woo” in your url referred to jungwoo and for some good weeks i thought you ult jungwoo rIP ME)

@hearttoshu 💌 jess, i don’t know what in the world i did to have you notice me because i’m gonna be honest here, i was scared of you skaljdlkjslkj please i don’t even know why, you seemed very intimidating but i was proven wrong in an instant!! you are one super soft bean with hq gifs and a love for jun and shua that reaches up to infinity and beyond!! your tags always get the best out of me and i’m really grateful for having you in my life uwuwuwuwu 

 @jejublr 💌 ew rat, you’re finally adulting. jokes aside, you were the first victim to fall under my disastrous typo errors and may i say that i’m just simply ICONIC for forever slapping that legendary nickname on you uwu nat who?? we only know RAT. you’re the one person i can always run to when more serious issues are bugging me since i guess you can relate the most to my personal dilemmas and i just wanted to thank you for being there for me <33 that, and for keeping gran somewhat at bay. i hope we get to meet up this summer where i’ll feed you with lots of chocolate while teasing ryan about her biasing jeonghan LMAO and just like most people from the gc, you’re one of the first close mutuals i’ve made. in a way, you could say you’ve been with me here since day 1 (almost) xx

@jin-hua 💌 mayo / mango / mayo that tastes like mangoes / idk i bet i have misspelled your names approximately 993828 times in 937987 different variations but guess what? i still love u to death uwu i love me a fitness queen, a visual goddess not even god himself could ever and i’m so so glad that you exist in my life <333 i know i promised you a crackhead message but when i think about it there’s not really a lot to say that’s out of place when it comes to you?? you’re an angel uwuwu the light of my life frank could NEVER

@justsomekpopstuff 💌 jj it is i, your #1 supporter!! since you’re also part of the nug club gc from the beginning on, you have an extra special place in my heart <3 jj, i love how supportive you are and i don’t think you realize that i cherish you to the moon and back and that times 903809. i love how you get so fired up about your hockey team and like to gush and suffer from the wrath of Joshua hong and i hope you’ll stay eternally happy uwu that, and dRINK LESS COFFEE ISTG

@lxveille 💌 veille we’ve never interacted a lot but i just wanted to let you know that i admire you a LOT. i haven’t got around to read more of your works lately, but i do have a favorite fic that i still clearly remember. okay, that’s a lie, i have several that left a strong memory. but let’s say, if i had to reduce it to one fic, it’d be the 100wtsily dystopian au with jihoon and 66 & 70! you’re one of the very few writers who hit the dystopian genre spot on and you truly are an inspiration. seriously, thank you a lot veile xx

@middle-of-a-wonshua-sandwich 💌 LOOK, i didn’t even know you changed blogs or something and i’m so eternally sorry that it took me ages to figure that out! (RIP me) you’re one of the first followers i had if i recall correctly (i’m pretty positive of that) and i just wanted to thank you for sticking with me so long uwuwuuwwu i wish you all the happiness bb <3

@multi-yeol 💌 haaaa we’ve only known each other since a day or something but i’m really glad we did!!!! honestly, that Loona song sorter is harder than any of the german exams i had and though we don’t know each other for so long, i hope we’ll talk more in the future bub!!!

@oatmealupdates 💌 lynna, you too are one of the first followers on my blog i’m wheEZING you’ve been here for so long sdlkjlkj thank you for your support and your comments under the fics always make my day i swear!! i’ve also noticed that you haven’t been that active as you used to be (maybe it’s just me idk sometimes my dash is kinda wacky) but all in all i hope you’re doing good!! if you ever need to talk to someone, you can always hmu <33

@queerjunhui 💌 vane, ngl, you really scared me at first. i was really intimidated by your for reasons i can’t even explain and i always thought you were out of my league sdkljlk i think we started talking since the cyzj thing and you’re one of the funniest and nicest people i’ve met so far on tumblr, seriously! your content - be it from your shitposts to mindless thoughts like the entire indirects to j*** * yES I STILL RECALL THEM - you always manage to make my day brighter whenever i see you on my dash. i wish you all the happiness and hope you’re doing good uwu

@seungcheolsbodyharness 💌 katey, sis i still think about that criminal seokmin and the entire au we made up - from FBI agent cheol to incompetent intern vernon and all that jazz. besides the fact that your url is a pure 10/10 as well as your other URLs, you’re such a nice person and i really enjoy your presence - be it in the form of reblogs of any kind of thing to the comments you occasionally leave and don’t get me started on the aSKS; katey, i’m so glad to have met you on this site!!! uwu

@softwonwoo 💌 jian darling!! honestly, i have no idea how you even know of my existence. just like pretty much everyone else i’ve tagged here you kinda had that intimidating aura?? but then the more i talked to you somehow, the more i was proven wrong and you’re such a sweet pea i can’t- also, i’m glad that i found someone who can agree with me when it comes to chungha dsakjlskj pls stay healthy, stay happy jian!!

@swyllh 💌 sara, i don’t think we have ever had a proper conversation, but i just wanted to give you my appreciation. you are one of the most underrated writers within the community yet you always give your best when it comes to your writing and honestly, i really admire you. i haven’t found the time to read your interactive fic yet (i keep pushing that back i am so sorry but i’ll get to that one day) and one of the fics that i absolutely adore is that one end of the world fic with chan, as well as the vernon collab with sha!! i really hope you’ll get the recognition and love you deserve you gifted writer !!

@tonicandjins 💌 faye my snowflake, i haven’t seen you around lately but if you read this, i hope everything’s alright from your side! i’m quite sure i’ve already mentioned this to you but i’ll say it again. i will NEVER shut up about one and two small petals and will NEVER recover from it. another banger is that wonwoo fic with the printer- ugh, you’re such a talented, beautiful person and i truly wish you all the best. remember, don’t stress yourself and relax once in a while uwu

@yeolsmiling 💌 angie hi!! i legit only sent you one (1) ask so i really don’t have much to say so far unless i wanna repeat myself lMAO one day, i aspire to purely emit soft energy for yeol but i doubt that day will ever come. i hope we get to talk more in the future you soft bear <33

honeybunch anon 💌 honeybunch, i hope you’re doing well! i still remember that i called you that when you slipped into my asks and gushed about that one mingyu fic up to this day i’m still flattered and eternally grateful that you’re still here uwu thank you for your support and making my day <33

fromis anon 💌 idk if you’ll ever read this but i miss you uwu i hope you’re doing fine and just a quick update from my side: i still haven’t found a bias yet uGH 

sugarpie / tulip anon 💌 you seem like such a cool person i’m really glad you stopped by in my inbox thank you for hitting me up uwu since i have no clue who you are and since i’m a dumbass, i’m can only rely on you messaging me jslkdj

none of the letters are proofread i am so sorry

[stanbangttan]

WANNA BET? 18+ (M)

😊

Jungkook x Reader(A®my Lee) (M)

Oneshot

WORD COUNT: 2.7k

Warning: Smut, mature, daddy kink, CHARACTER

Summary:Amy is single after 3 years of tough relationship. Her best friend and roommate Monica decided to cheer her up and took her out clubbing, where she met Jungkook. Rude but good looking guy, who made a bet with her and preformed the bet perfectly.

A/N: This is my first ever fanfic, smut or an oneshot. My first everyhing.  English is not my native language and I really tried. I hope you like it and if I have some mistakes please comment down below. I would love to thank one girl from Twt that did a “tiny revision” and helped me a lot @Miniefaithful Thank you.

REQUEST ARE OPEN 

Game / Giveaway (sort of)

THIS ONESHOT HAS A HIDDEN SONG THAT ONLY ARMY WILL RECOGNIZE, TRY TO FIND IT AND COMMENT DOWN BELOW. FIRST ONE TO DO IT WILL GET HIS IDEA FOR FF WRITTEN ASAP 

“Monica, It’s been three years since I have been single, chill a little”, I sighed and she throws another dress at me. The jerk of my ex was kind enough to notify me trough text that we’re over. Like I didn’t deserve more than a fucking text after 3 years of struggle, which he was to be honest. I have been so involved in that relationship that my friends slowly distanced themselves from me and I didn’t even noticed.

“I’m just saying you need to be extra hot tonight! You’re single, and ready to mingle! Maybe some guy will be your rebound.” Monica yelled from the bathroom. “I’m not going clubbing with a sole purpose of finding some guy to fuck. I just want to get drunk and have fun tonight.” I cried out. “You were with that asshole for fucking three years, Amy. You don’t even know what hotties are out there. Don’t try to fool me, I know you’re dying for a rebound fuck with some hot guy right now.” She said smiling.

Well, she wasn’t wrong about that. I missed sex, not with him in particular. I just missed sex. And I wanted to loosen up with some drinks tonight. Dance a little and get rid of the stress I have been having lately . “Where is that new highlighter you got, Mon?” I said finishing my make-up. “Top left drawer, and put some on me.”

“What are you gonna wear? I thought of borrowing your black lacy dress, just so you know.” I grabbed it and started putting it on. “I thought of red for you and black for me but we can switch.” “So you like to switch, Mon? Hm?” I teased her. “You know it!” She winked at me.

We got in the taxi and said the address. I didn’t want to think about driving myself, especially because I plan on drinking. Well, more like getting wasted. Two single girls night out is all I need, hopefully. “I’m going to order vodka shots, what do you want?”

“Make it double.” Mon said.

The bartender got our order fast and we drank it even faster. It burned like a bitch. Our table is now empty for anyone to sit because Mon wanted to dance right away.. Seconds later, I was too on the dance floor, grinding to God knows who, laughing and feeling the song. I don’t know when I became this good of a dancer but I’m feeling myself. I can feel my stress lowering and my mind getting clearer.

Some guy started to dance with Monica and she signalized me he’s a good catch by doing thumbs up behind her back and that was my queue to leave her with him and dance with someone else on the dance floor. I turned around and wish I paid attention to whom I was grinding because the guy stared at me with hungrily and horny. Oh hell to the no.

I’m trying to get to my table, just now it’s not ours, or at least it’s not empty. I told you Monica, i said you so. The guy leaning on it, eyes searching trough the crowd, probably waiting for someone. His broad back is facing me, and his leather jacket is hugging his shoulders. I tapped him on the shoulder, ”Umm, hiiiiii. So this is my table, did you get lost?” “Your table? Do you see it written somewhere?” He says instantly.

I point to the paper on the table with my last name and he grabs it, “This? How can I know if you’re Ms. Lee? Can I get an ID? Are you even a Miss? Well, maybe because I don’t see ring on your fingers..” he uttered.

Suddenly he throws it away

“What the fuck are you doing?” I’m shocked at his behavior.

He turns around, eyes glistening and reflecting on club lights, his mouth making a smirk, eyes going all over me. Right then I’m realizing that he’s checking me out. Not saying that it’s rude but also it’s disrespectful. “Are you done?” I point at my body, show him I notice. “What do you mean done, I haven’t started anything yet?” he dared to smirk again. 

I am so sick of fuckboys, I can’t and won’t deal with him. I ignored him and ask the waiter for a drink. Surprisingly, he orders too. Glass of whiskey. Classic douchbag. “So what’s your real name, babe?” He continues. Pffft, real name. I ignored him. Finally he got the memo, “Okay, beautiful, we got of the wrong foot here. Let me put the ball down and introduce myself, I am Jungkook.”

I should just ignore him this time as well. Even though I could hear his sincerity this time he spoke, I’m just that stubborn to let go. But damn, he’s is hot. Monica was right, I didn’t know how many hotties walked in this town because I’m not a type that looks around while in a relationship.

His eyes are piercing through your soul when he looks at you, licking lips and biting them the same way as he did when he checked me out earlier. He is in all black, like he knew my weakness for it. Jeans are so tight you can see his thighs muscles twitch, not that I looked. Broad shoulders and a small waist created that triangle proportion. Like he can read my mind, he removed the jacket and I gulped. The veins on his arms. I drooling all over him, not even realizing until the same ripped arms were now picking his jacket up and that pinkish mouth saying something to me while I was waking up from my daydream, “Well, I see I am not welcomed here, then I’ll just go.” Really Amy, do you wanna pass this opportunity? He seems like he’s good at rebound sex, right? I can’t belive I am thinking about this, damn you Monica.

“Hi douchebag, I’m Amy Lee, and don’t call me babe.” “So I can call you beautiful, but not babe? And you can call me douchebag?” His bunny smile appeared. “Well, why would I complain, when we both are telling the truth? ” I said with confidence which I can tell he likes.

I had Monica in my sight, coming closer to our table with the same guy hanging around her neck and I see Jungkook’s confused face, “Jiminshi, where are you all this time? I was waiting for you like crazy.”   They started arguing or laughing, I couldn’t really tell or hear, while Monica and I looked at each other and I could tell she is going home with that Jimin guy, which means that our apartment will be occupied. She rocked her hips with his hand on them and she waved at me. She is such a slut sometimes, but I truly love that hoe. “So, that leaves you and me, beautiful?” Jungkook spoke suddenly, moving his hand behind me.

“Well, I guess, douchbag.” I spoke immediately. “Do you want to dance? Can you even dance?” he underestimated me. “Of course I can, probably even better than you.” “Are you sure about that, wanna bet?”

“Bet? What are you, thirteen?” I mocked him. “No, I’m twenty-two but if you win I will do any dare you give me. And If I win you’ll do any dare I give you.” He smirked at me “Seems fair. Any, any dare?”, it was high risk, but I loved to dance. I mean how good can this fuckboy be? “Yes.”

“Okay then.”, we agreed, walking towards the crowd.

As we stepped on the dance floor, his aura changed to possessive. If now you’re looking at completely different man. His hand grabbed me around my waist, pulling closer to him, my leg between is his legs, our cheeks touching. Hips rocking in the beat, we’re going lower and my heart starts knocking, asking for the way out. His other hand finds its way to my mid back and going up behind my hair to my neck. Which gave me goosebumps. He notices it and smirks with devilish face.

Me messing up his hair is somehow making him more hot. I lost my balance and grabbed his shoulder to have gain it back, I realized that now he’s holding me tight so I moved my hands to his chest. He knew I had too much to drink, so he held me nice and snug. I can feel his heart beating fast just like mine right now. It just felt like we are alone, but now I am being randomly turned one-eighty, feeling his hands on my sides, moving my hips, holding me tight along his cock. I can see other people dancing, in a daze. I didn’t know If was that tipsy or that was his effect on me. I let my head fall back on his shoulder and roll my hips in the sound of the fast song that is blasting through the sound system. Raising my hands behind me to play with his damp hair. I can feel his bulge getting harder and I wanted to tease him so I bended s little, his hands working fast placed me in front of his features. His masculine scent filled my nostrils. Is that cologne or sweat? His chest breathless, gasping for air, our faces across each other, almost touching, I can feel his wheeze on my lips and how insanely close is he is to me. Hands holding, intertwining fingers and we started to slowly kiss in the center of the dance floor. Now I was sure, the only ones standing in this room were him and me. Letting go, he cups my cheeks with both hands, while kissing me passionately, full of lust. I took a grip of his wet shirt in my hand and squeeze at his hips. Intensity and pressure changed like the melody in the background.

He deepened the kiss, our breaths coming fast and shallow. Kiss has been broken, his eyes dark, he grabbed my hand and raced back to the table. Our jackets were in our hands, Mine other hand in his, which was tugging me along. We are finally outside, cold and out of breath.

“So who won?” I asked teasingly.

“Who cares.” He said, he says half running across parking lot, pulling me into a kiss, then grabbing a helmet from a motorcycle. “The important thing is that our dares aligned to be the same thing, or am I wrong?”

Well he wasn’t. How can I argue with that? He know that I want it too. I ignored the question and he smirked, putting black helmet on me and planting one more kiss on my lips once again after putting the protective glass down. 

I sat on the far back, my hands hugging him, resting on his rock hard abs. When the ride started I didn’t want it to end. There was something about this freedom and security I feel with him. We stopped on the parking lot of the new building in my street. I guess I really didn’t know what is on ‘display’ are out there. 

He unlocked the apartment, throwing the keys, lifting me up, while supporting me by a cold wall that in combination my back, sent shivers down my spine. He’s snuggled his nose in the crook of my neck leaving smooches all over my shoulders, returning to sensitive spot behind the ear. My hands were up his hair, tugging as moans escaped one by one. His hand moves to my butt, steadying me in his arms and picking me up fully while I held my hands behind his neck pecking his lips and neck. He let out a whimper and I could feel the vibration of his voice while placing the kiss. This led him to expose more neck space for me to swirl my tongue on. He opens the door to what I assume is the bedroom. He put me lightly on the bed, starts undressing me and mouthing “shit” when my dress is gone. I hold the hem of his shirt pulling it above his head and the ‘shit’ is mutual, just I actually don’t say it or mouth it. His chest and abs are defined as much as my eyebrows are in the beginning of this night. Kisses continued to be scattered all over my body. My body moved, humping him. Our lips glazed over each other’s, ears pounding when his warm pant brushed over neck skin wanting more and hickeys forming all over my shoulders. He started to go lower, kissing and sucking on my nipples. I was already wet, humping his thigh in swift motions.

“You are that impatient, aren’t you kitten? Slow down, just relax and enjoy..” His lips tripped over my stomach in zig zag pattern kissing every mark.

My soaked panties slid down and just after one of his licks over my folds, my head tipped all the way back. His mouth did wonders, licking, sucking, making me moan louder that I was allowed. “Shit, Jungkook, shit, shit.” Like he felt it, he started to finger me hard and hit the sweet spot while my legs trembled, lungs fighting for air just so I could say it to him “I am going to – “ and that is all I could tell before I was in full bliss. He didn’t stop, he was going for seconds. More vigorously, my back already hurt how arched it was and hands in his hair trying to move his head which was steady and not going anywhere at all. Suddenly he got up to grab the condom, slid his jeans and put it on his already hard dick. I was turned around on my shaking knees in a matter of seconds and positioned for him to enter me. “Daddy is going to reward his little girl with his cock only if she’s begging.” He was aggressive but still started slow, pulling out all the way and go back in a few times before his veiny hands was grabbing my hair, one holding the hair and other one on my hip. The grip on my hair tightened, his nails dug into my hip and dick filling me up all the way. “Harder, Daddy please. Faster!” I begged.

He gave in on my request and it got hasty, vigorous and loud. He pulled me by my hair more, started to move his ass in a circle, roll his hips, and bend so he can kiss my neck by the ear, “Do you like being tugged by your hair, princess?” His moans intertwined with mine, smell of sex filled the room almost as good as he filled me.

He suddenly stopped, and I realized he waited for a  response. His dominance in bed and on the dance floor is undeniable. “Yes, daddy, now can you please fuck me?”

“You are not the one who commands.” He slapped my ass as he pulled out, “Now ride me.” On the top, while riding him, I was enjoying the godlike sight. I caressed his abs with my nails and prompted my hands on his chest. His lips parted, moaning my name. I started jumping on his dick while holding on his muscular thighs, up and down, he held my boobs, moaning, “FUCK! Continue kitten, faster!”

I started doing circles and rolls with my hips, moaning loud of how good it feels. Daddy wanted more, so he started to move, prompt his legs on the bed, so he can enter me deeper. I was near his face now, biting my lip to tease him, his hand holding me in place while we both simultaneously moved in sync, making each other lose our mind.  

“Oh gooooood, Jungkook. Shit.” I said as I started kissing him, now I bit his lower lip and started sucking on it after, which made him whine out of pain. My punishment for teasing was moving me up and down from his dick and stopping the friction on my clit. Now my breasts were hanging above his head, reaching, his hands full, he started sucking them. That turned me on, making me to do my movements faster and messier because I was near the high. This pose stimulated my g-spot and clitoris so I knew I’m going to orgasm hard. And I was so close. He started breathing out loud, mouth letting out unrecognizable  moans, whimpers and words. His movements got sloppier but more rapid. “I’m coming, daddy! Fuck!” I let the loudest moan in my life.

“Please, don’t stop, kitten. I am gonna cum too!” In few final thrusts he was coming undone in front of me, kissing me like crazy. While I laid on his rising chest.

“Well that was something..” he exclaimed.

“I like our dares.” I teased, smiling.

“I need to thank your friend leaving you alone, tho.”

“I think I need to thank her, too.”

“Do you wanna take a shower or do you want me to give you a warm cloth?”

“I want to shower, with you!” I boped him on the nose. He smiled.

I got up, not knowing where the bathroom is.

“That’s my baby girl”, he said while picking me up over his shoulder, he slapped my ass, started marching “This way!”

Here’s Jikook slap on the ass as a reference and a gift.

______________________________________________ 

Thank you all for reading guys. If you liked it please reblog, and send me lots of requests. 😊

LITTLE HELP FOR THOSE WHO READ ALL OF THIS 

*cough* title of a song *cough*

Keep eyes open. Good luck 🤞 🍀 REQUESTS ARE OPEN 🔓

[tartagliaxx]

why hello sugarcane and lyra anon!!! welcome :D

yes, twt is a pretty toxic place ngl, especially when you're into kpop and stuff, it's literally insane how much hatred ppl can have for other just bc of music. i open twt once in a while just to catch up on what happened and for leaks lol

anyways, i had some friends tell me how cynical i am lmao. we were talking abt how ppl typically were and my friends were talking abt my cynicism, which was... interesting? it was fun to hear what my friends thought abt me since i don't think i can look at myself objectively. my qualities are basically, being honest... even if it means hurting others in the process, being realistic... but far too realistic that it leans into pessimism. just like good traits that are double bladed.

ngl, i feel like my view on life is partially the reason why i enjoy writing/reading angst. it just reminds me of how the world isn't like how it is in the movies. all pretty and dolled up, and somehow the protagonist is literally the luckiest person in the world. sometimes, we fail and we can't get back up. sometimes, we separate and that's the last time we see them. sometimes, there won't be someone else to support you and you'll have to support yourself. i still prefer being realistic than being naive though, ik some of my friends who are more sheltered have unfortunately learned how life works the hard way.

also, here's a channel that i think you might enjoy. i love all of the content they put out, especially the royalty core ones.

— r. anon

yup... yup, you're a cynic alright /t. honestly, having skepticism, being realistic and being blunt about circumstances... all of that aren't bad at all. it's just that sometimes, being stuck in the things that could go wrong without looking at the things that could go right makes the world sm duller. personally, i know that the world isn't all sunshine and rainbows and i'm so sick of it that i end up running into fluffy worlds of goodness for an escape. i know it'll never be totally like that irl but it's nice to remember that there are good as well,, like just reading those works and seeing tiny pieces of it in the real world makes me feel better inside. for example, i used to detest the rain but the romanticizations brought by novels got me thinking that maybe it isn't so bad and maybe there's hidden beauty in it after all...

ah well, it's not any of my business to pry esp not when i turn into the world's biggest pessimist in the face of the things i don't enjoy at all. point is, you do you sweetheart. perspectives are very fun to play around with and it's basically a free game. i also feel v curious and borderline giddy when people talk to me about my 'vibes' or simply how i come across bc it's just intriguing to know if they think of me the same way i think of myself. anw, i'll check the link out later after i finish the last song in the playlist i'm listening to rn :DD