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withabackpackandcamera · 3 years

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July 5th, 2021

Day 10: Meeting Up With A Friend Before A Sprint To The Finish Line

This morning, because my parents had an earlier flight home than we did, we woke up to drop them off at the airport before coming back home to finish some last minute laundry, packing, and cleaning up. The only real thing on our last day’s schedule was a meet-up with Kristin Julia Erlingsdottir (pronounced “Christine” in Iceland), a pediatric resident in Iceland who I met 4.5 years ago when we were both medical students doing rotations at Landspitali. Even though we didn’t rotate together at Landspitali, we met each other in the cafeteria through other students who went to school in Slovakia with Kristin and since then, we have kept in touch via Instagram. So the plan this morning was to grab a quick breakfast with Kristin before flying home.

Because Minh didn’t want to join for breakfast, he ended up doing his own thing for an hour or two while Cynthia and I went out to meet with Kristin at a cafe nearby. Along the way to the cafe, because we wanted to load up on yummy pastries to take home from Sandholt, I dropped Cynthia off to buy them while I went on ahead to Grai Kotturinn, a cafe down the street, to meet with Kristin first. But before I left, we learned that Sandholt wasn’t selling any almond croissants today. So sad. But I did get a chance to take a look at and pick out the pastries I was interested in trying, with Cynthia eventually settling for a cranberry scone, two cinnamon rolls, a brown sugar roll with cream cheese, and a pain au raisin. That’ll probably do the trick.

So after I left Cynthia, I walked over to Grai Kotturinn, a cafe that Kristin had suggested nearby, to meet up with her after her night shift at the hospital. I was very grateful to Kristin for making time to meet up with us despite her busy residency schedule, and I was glad that I could actually fit her into my tight schedule as well. Anyhow, once I approached the cafe, I recognized her standing outside in her stylish all-black outfit and greeted her. It was so nice to see her again after all these years, even though we weren’t best buds but just quick friends from a brief time together.

Because there was a line at Grai Kotturinn, we stood outside for a bit and started catching up about our individual lives in medicine in our respective countries while waiting for Cynthia to join up. Before long, Cynthia had arrived but the line hadn’t really budged. Because of how tight we were on time and how I didn’t want to make Kristin take too much time out of her morning waiting in line for food, we pivoted and changed course with regards to where to eat. Because both Grai Kotturinn and Sandholt had waits due to the recent influx of tourists, Kristin suggested that we drive over to a spot further from downtown called Kaffihús Vesturbæjar to skip the lines. We agreed, and she drove us over to Kaffihús Vesturbæjar for breakfast.

We arrived at Kaffihús Vesturbæjar pretty early so their lunch menu wasn’t yet available. So, despite all the great suggestions that Kristin had on food options, we ended up having to choose some breakfast items from their simple breakfast menu, with me and Cynthia ordering a ham and cheese croissant to go with our pain au raisin we bought from Sandholt earlier. The cafe meet-up wasn’t really about eating so much as it was about finding a comfy place to catch up and share stories. And even though the food at Kaffihús Vesturbæjar was OK, the cafe was the perfect place to sit and chat for a little less than two hours. And Cynthia and I had a terrific time chatting with Kristin and learning more about her life before and during residency (like how she grew up briefly in Oklahoma, how she was sort of out of place as a returning Icelander once she was back in Reykjavik, about her doctor boo, how her pediatric residency has been, and about traveling, education, Icelanders, real estate, tourism). We also enjoyed sharing our stories with her too and I could tell that she really enjoyed the company. It was really great to find yet another opportunity to catch up with a local friend. Trips are always so much better when you can do something like that. Thank you again Kristin for making time after a busy night shift to meet up with us!

Before we knew it, we were running tight on time because of how much fun we were having with Kristin at Kaffihús Vesturbæjar . Luckily, we saved some time when Kristin offered to drop us off at home. Once we were home, we thanked her and said our goodbyes. With Minh already home and relatively ready to go, Cynthia and I quickly finished packing our stuff before loading all of it into the car. After one last sweep of the flat, we left for one more quick visit to downtown for last minute souvenirs. Cynthia and I ran through downtown looking for things we thought we might want to buy but eventually decided not to buy anything at all. So we hurried back to the car where Minh was waiting and headed for the airport. It was nice to get a last jog in through Reykjavik before flying out!

Once we were close to the airport, we made a pit stop at the grocery store where we had previously stopped on the first day to buy some chocolates for friends. Then we stopped by Subway to buy some subs for the long trip home before driving to Blue Car Rental to drop off our rental. Funny enough, we ran into Will and Mary again at Blue Car Rental and shared stories about our respective trips while walking over together to the departures terminal. Once we were in line (it was a very long check-in line at Icelandair because of all the Americans heading home after the long weekend), we had this awkward “see-you-every-few-minutes” situation with Will and Mary because of where we were positioned relative to them in line. So we didn’t get to catch up much after that. After chowing down on our food and getting through the line, security, and passport control, we finally made it to our gate, where we waited longer than expected to finally board our long flight home.

Iceland, it was great seeing you again. And it was great finally introducing you to my parents and Cynthia. I’m not sure when I’ll get to see you, your beautiful landscapes, and your nice people again but when the time comes, I’ll be excited to come back for my fourth visit. Till then! Takk takk!

5 Things I Learned/Observed Today:

1. It takes a lot of years to finish a pediatric residency in Iceland. Per Kristin, you can only do two years of training in Iceland (after one required internship year) before having to apply to pediatric programs outside of the country to complete your five years of pediatrics training (six years including the one internship year). The reason why pediatrics residents have to leave Iceland for their last three years is because the program is small and because the hospitals in Iceland see such small volumes of kids that residents don’t get enough exposure to be properly trained. Therefore, they have to get more exposure in other countries in other programs. For example, most people, if good enough, will go to Sweden to continue their training or they can go to a different Nordic country. Surprisingly, the Iceland peds program has a partnership with a Connecticut pediatrics program and they send one or two students a year there.

2. In the Icelandic pediatric program, when you’re working nights, as Kristin was doing, you work the pediatric wards as well as the NICU (there is no PICU at Landspitali). Luckily, the ED has their own resident so they don’t have to cover that at the same time. Very fortunate.

3. Interestingly enough, pediatric illness in Iceland came about very late this year as a result of the COVID pandemic and restrictions that came with it. For example, from what Kristin saw, RSV cases peaked in June instead of way earlier in the year in winter. And they had zero cases of the flu (though I’m not sure if that was just among kids or among both kids and adults). And pediatric gastroenteritis was only starting to appear in early July, which is a bit delayed as well. I’m sure public health and epidemiology data from this COVID period will be fascinating to look back at and study in every country.

4. Here in Iceland, people are primarily vaccinated with AstraZeneca, Pfizer, and Janssen vaccines. And unlike the case in America, most people in Iceland are itching to get their vaccinations and are ready to run up when their name is randomly drawn. Additionally, it sounds like Icelanders have vaccine envy of others. That’s crazy and so good! And the great thing about all of this is that around 80% of the country is at least partially vaccinated against COVID, which is the best percentage among all EU related countries. Good for you, Iceland! Keep up the great work!

5. At this time in Iceland, the government is pushing Icelanders to buy homes instead of renting. To incentivize people to buy, banks and other financial institutions are offering ridiculously low interest rates for home loans with rates at a historic low. And people have been able to borrow significant amounts of money for their home. For example, Kristin was able to get a loan with a really low interest rate that covers 95% of the cost of the home. Her flat is a 2-bedroom apartment located in downtown Reykjavik (close to where Sveinn lives). Cost: 53 million Icelandic krona (around $420k). That’s insane! Especially compared to the hellish housing market in Los Angeles. I wish it was that cheap in Los Angeles...

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artofstarker · 4 years

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august

salt air, and the rust on your door. i never needed anything more

peter couldn’t believe he was here. his last ever official summer, spent in malibu with tony stark at his restored mansion on the coast. tony had invited him during finals week of his junior year at MIT, asking him if he would be interested in an entire summer spent between his personal lab and the beach. peter readily accepted, holding back the thought that he would spend the summer anywhere as long as he could be with tony.

whispers of “are you sure?”, “never have i ever before”

june was the calm before the storm. peter and tony were blissfully alone, and their days were made up of mornings exploring new ideas in tony’s garage-turned-lab, afternoons playing around on his private beach, and sometimes even evenings lounging in his yacht as the sun sinks below the ocean. june was shy smiles, inside jokes, and learning each other.

july brought tidal waves of want and people. tony had decided where better to host a large fourth of july party than the california coast, bringing forth a crowded house full of people. some party-goers turned into lingering house-guests, however, when some of the other avengers decided they, too, deserved a little beach vacation. peter didn’t mind, as even with the additional company, he still found himself the center of tony’s attention. at packed dinner tables, peter felt tony’s foot curling around his calf under the table. on afternoons lounging in floats, peter was treated to winks thrown across the pool. during late nights spent drinking in the living room, peter always found himself seated next to tony, one hand wrapped around a drink while the other moved across peter’s shoulder, back, thigh. july was stolen stares, lingering touches, unspoken promises of something more to follow.

something more came late on the night of july 31st when finally, finally, the last of the lingering avengers rode down the driveway to the airport, headed home to new york. peter tried desperately to play it cool, to keep it casual. he suggested they share a bottle of chardonnay. by midnight, tony had peter pressed against his closed bedroom door. he pulled back from a kiss, pressed their foreheads together. peter’s cheeks were stained red, tony’s pupils were blown wide. “are you sure?” tony asked. peter had never been more sure of anything else, but that confession was too much, too honest.

he nodded.

your back, beneath the sun. wishing i could write my name on it.

once it started, they couldn’t stop it. desire drowned them like a flood, and once the floodgates had opened, they were overtaken everywhere they went. mornings in the lab were filled less with work, and more with kissing, touching, fucking on, over, and under the lab desks. afternoons at the beach were spent thanking god it was private, just for them. peter watched from the sand as tony walked into the water, complaining about sand in places sand should never be, admiring the firm, tanned back just visible above the waves. he wanted nothing more than to tattoo his name there, marking tony as his. the possessive thought overwhelmed him, just for a moment, but then tony was calling his name, beckoning peter to join him in the pacific. he was powerless to do anything but comply.

“will you call, when you’re back at school?”, i remember thinking i had you

before they knew it, august had passed them. the days blended together, a passionate blur of gentle moments and tender touches mixed with long nights and bruising marks. august 31st had tony leaning against the door frame, watching as peter packed his suitcase, ready for a flight to take him back to boston. he asked the question with an air of practiced nonchalance, seeming not to care about the answer. peter looked up from his bag, smile more in his eyes than on his lips, replying, “of course i will, tony”. the relieved grin he got back had him believing this wasn’t just some summer fling, wasn’t just some “something” at all.

the look tony gave him had him believing it was everything.

but i can see us lost in the memory, august slipped away into a moment of time

cause it was never mine

he had called during the third day of the semester. it had gone to voicemail. peter told himself tony was a busy man, he would call him back as soon as he could, that he had nothing to worry about. he waited, and he waited, and he waited. september came and went, and peter realized the call back would never come. at night, peter still sat, one hand clutching his phone, the other curled around a bottle of cheap wine. it reminded him of the countless nights he spent in malibu, wrapped up in bed sheets and in tony. he waited hopelessly, heart longing, soul crushed.

and i can see us twisted in bed sheets, august sipped away, like a bottle of wine

cause you were never mine

#starker #peter parker x tony stark #tony stark x peter parker #spideriron #peter parker #tony stark #my writing #this the first thing ive written in 2 years #sorry if it is bad i just could not get this out of my head #starker fanfic #yes this is a taylor lyric

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cosmicbash · 4 years

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This was something I wrote in chat to my best friend earlier today then spruced up in docs. Because I thought yall might enjoy it too 😉

No proper ending of course cuz I'm lazy af

Concept

Em just straight up buying Kelly from Diddy. Like real world AU. He just buys Kells time for a month, just to prove he can and make the brat squirm when his label manager suddenly comes and tells him he needs to go be Marshall's (slave) assistant for a full month and if he doesn't then they can't produce his new album

Just Diddy not giving two fucks about his artists except for the money they can earn him and Em rubbing it in Kells face that he's practically a for hire whore if he wants him to be;

Marshall barely acknowledges the blonde for little more than to give him his coffee or fast food order the first few days, just to make him sweat. See how he will react to repeatedly being ignored and treated no better than some random kid hired off the street.

By the 4th day Colson just snaps, and slams the coffee none too politely down on a meeting table to snarl at the older rapper about how he's not some goddamn coffee boy. All because he expected Colson to sit there and stir his cream and sugar in it for him in front of a group of people.

Of course all that does is lead to everyone staring and Marshall ordering them out of the office. Eyes finally meeting the blondes dead on, glueing his feet to the floor and leaving him terrified.

By the time the brunette has slid the door lock over with a loud click and turned back around to start storming towards him Colson is near shaking in his designer boots. Marshall's stride and face unflinching like a predator closing in on its prey.

The poor boy doesnt know whether his fight or flight wants to kick in because yeah while he's sure he might be able to take the older rapper in a fight solely due to their size difference alone he also doesn't think hitting the guy will bode well for him and his bands careers. So instead he just tenses up and braces for impact. Expecting a fist to the jaw, or gut, hell maybe even a shoe.

The impact he's waiting for never comes, instead the rapper diverts his path last minute and instead settles back into the large cushiony office chair that rests at the head of the table.

The squeak and hiss of air when his weight lands makes Colson's hearing perk up. Focus zeroing in on the man's every movement while his body turns to face him once more.

Then comes the order, a finger crooking itself in a come hither motion that has Colson's feet moving despite himself. "Here. Now."

And before the blonde knows it he's in reaching distance of his rap god and suddenly a hand is fisting itself in his tank top, yanking him down. Forcing him awkwardly across the other man's lap, while another grabs the belt loops of his jeans. Leaving his hands to fly out and press shaking finger tips against the carpeted floor when he finds himself horizontal. And his legs to flail in the air for a moment before they also find purchase. Shoe tips finding zero traction.

The arm of the chair is digging into his chest and thighs painfully, and the fingers Marshall has fisted in the belt loops of his jeans to hoist his ass up and across has electricity radiating out from where a knuckle brushes against bare skin

"If you want to throw a fit and slam things around like a child I can treat you like a child-"

One hard yank later and Colson's whole face lights up like the fourth of july. Cold air conditioned office air tickling his now bare ass, jeans pulled down just enough to flash both cheeks and rest snug beneath the curve.

He knows what's coming before it happens but a startled yelp still escapes his mouth when the first open palm slaps down. A stinging pain shooting up his back from the impact. And em doesn't give him any time to recover, another succession of slaps follow within seconds to the same cheek. Until the skin feels hot and Colson's fingers have dug their way into the thin carpet in front of him.

Gasped grunts and jerks of his legs are all the reaction he's capable of giving. The humiliation of it all placing a tight knot in his throat.

Just when Colson thinks it's over, the older rapper switches his smacking to the opposite cheek. The palm that had been clapping down shifting over to tightly grip his hip, fingers digging in so tightly they inspire a curse.

Now using his right hand to smack. The blonde can't help but literally whimper at the sting added from cold metal rings present.

"Is this what Diddy needs to be doing to keep you in line? Hm? Should I use our time together to train you into a good little bitch?"

Colson's whole lower half feels like it's on fire, but somehow his face manages to feel hotter. He wants to retort, curse and scream and tell the older rapper off. All he needs to do is give a good push of his long legs or his arms and he knows he could knock himself free. But his body refuses to listen to him.

Between his legs his cock is steadily filling, thickening up against his thigh where its trapped between tight briefs and the lowered hem of his jeans.

The embarrassment coiling in his stomach triples, shame and arousal joining the cocktail of mixed emotions.

The stinging slaps finally end, even if his quivering doesn't.

Now the warm palm resting against his ass just smoothes over the sensitive flesh, pressing down and giving almost comforting rubs . "Cat got your tongue Kelly? Or was it really that easy for me to break you?"

Swallowing down the tight lump still present Colson manages to at least shake his head. By now his fingers have turned white against the gray of the carpet and his lip feels swollen from the bite of his own teeth but he does finally get words to leave his mouth.

"F-fuck you."

Far from eloquent. Or the multitude of things rattling around inside his head that he wants to say. But he wont let the asshole assume he's some weak willed little bitch.

Marshall hums thoughtfully above him, the circles being rubbed against his raw ass widening, the press harder. Until it's got him wincing.

"Is that what I should do? Want me to reward you for taking your punishment so patiently by filling your tight little hole?"

A spread to his cheeks is what finally gets Colson's legs kicking back to life. His whole body tumbling to the floor in a heavy heap, ass catching the carpet wrong while he crawls backwards forcing tears to spring up in his eyes.

Marshall looks amused, head cocked sideways now resting on one palm while he watches him.

Meanwhile Colson's heart is racing in his chest, his own gaze locked on the older rappers. Too afraid to look away while he blindly tries to pull his jeans back up. "D-dont touch me you fucking pervert!"

The smirk on bearded cheeks just grows wider. Until the man is smiling almost shark like at him, a twinkle present behind blue eyes. "Suit yourself-" another hissing squeak of the chair and the brunette is standing back up. Looming over the younger rapper spawled across the carpet while he fishes a couple bills out of his pocket. "The coffees all cold by now anyway, get your clothes back on and go replace the order."

Cash rains down over Colson's lap and he feels like a cheap whore. But the blonde still grits his teeth and crumbles the bills up between his fingers before pushing through the pain and dragging his pants back up over his throbbing ass.

Counting it up Colson finds double what it cost earlier "This is too much-"

"Your reward. Get one of those too sweet iced coffees for yourself, and a fucking muffin or two." Fingers suddenly thread through his hair, catching him off guard. "Ass is too bony for my taste. Need to fatten you up over the next few weeks."

#emgk #prompts

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kissofmidnight · 4 years

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There are No Angels on Earth

{link to Ao3}

Chapters: One

Summary: HYDRA has been exposed, SHIELD is out of commission, and the Winter Soldier has no idea who he is.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes/ female OC of color

Warnings: adult content/language, 18+ only, nsfw

words: 1,109

One

It had to be nearing midnight, yet people still filled the sidewalks and traffic occasionally blocked roads. It had rained a few hours earlier, blanketing the city with a terrible mix of heat and humidity. It was uncomfortable to wear a hoodie and sweatpants, nonetheless Bucky Barnes kept his hands in his pockets and his hood over his head. A group of girls in party dresses and high heels rushed past him, not even sparing a glance. The Fourth of July was approaching, and everyone and their grandmother were cramming into the city to celebrate. Nobody paid him any mind, it was one of few things he liked about New York.

He continued down west 143rd; the few street lamps in the residential area never worked, so it was always dark. When he finally reached his destination, he did a quick look around. It was difficult to tell if he was being followed due to lack of light. He pulled out a key chain from his pocket, using the first rusted bronze key to open the main door. The housing complex was rundown and in desperate need of renovation. The landlord did enough to keep the city off his back, but the man was cheap. Bucky didn’t mind, if it wasn’t for the landlord he wouldn’t have a place to stay. And as long as the rent was paid, the man asked no questions.

Bucky rushed up three flights of stairs, avoiding the rusted handrail that could probably give someone an infection. One of the neighbors religiously taped little tree car deodorizers on the peeling walls to help with the old socks smell. Sometimes it worked. The lights on the third level still hadn’t been fixed, but even in the pitch black he could make out a human silhouette standing before his apartment door at the very end of the hall. His apartment key was held tight between his thumb and forefinger. A violent instinct commanded to confront the unknown figure. Bucky’s long strides were quick and quiet as he neared, holding the key tighter, preparing to use it as a weapon. The figure turned and briefly shrieked at the sight of him.

“Jesus!” The high pitched voice was too familiar, and certainly not a threat. As he approached, slower now, he could see his young neighbor a little clearer. Instantly, the murderous instinct slunk back into its confines. He wondered why on earth she was outside his door so late at night; it was rather suspicious.

“You shouldn’t be out here.” he mumbled.

“I brought you donuts, the same ones you liked yesterday.” she either didn’t hear him or was ignoring him; she did that sometimes. She held out a pink box with “Molly’s Super Bakery” scrawled in neat purple cursive on top. The scent of glazed donuts was strong, but it couldn’t drown out her distinct scent. He didn’t know what she bathed in, but he likened it to warm brown sugar.

“You weren’t here earlier and I didn’t want to leave it outside your door, cause the building has mice and… I couldn’t sleep anyhow, so I figured I’d try again.” she fiddled with the slim silver chain around her throat, her eyes casted down. He skimmed her choice of dress. A small satin and ivory nightgown hardly covering her bottom. Her hair, what he knew to be long black braids, was wrapped in a black and white spotted scarf.

“Well, um… Goodnight, I guess.” she said softly, making her way back to her apartment door.

“Wait a sec.” he didn’t know what possessed him to speak more than he already had. She stood between the border of her home and the hallway, staring at him with placid dark brown eyes. He felt like a fool and was glad the darkness hid his reddening face.

“Uh… thank you.”

She smiled, showing a hint of white teeth “you’re welcome.”

+++

Bucky had to shove into his apartment door for it to open, another annoying thing to add to a growing list. He shut the door behind him, locking it. His apartment was a small space: the kitchen and living room occupied one space, and the only separate rooms were the bedroom and bathroom. He took off his shoes, promptly opened the pink box and stuffed a chocolate glazed donut in his mouth. He hadn’t eaten all day, often he’d be so occupied in his own thoughts hunger seemed like the least of his problems.

Bucky pulled his hoodie over his head, discarding it on the floor. He took off his sweats, strolling to his room in only his briefs. This time of year was so hot, he felt like he was inside of a furnace. He stumbled around in the dark, looking for the air conditioner remote which had ended up under his bed. When he switched on the appliance he stood in front of it and sighed in relief as cool air blew along his sweaty body. He continued eating his donuts, waiting until the cool air spread across the room before lying in his bed.

Bucky didn’t know why he came to New York. He’d had a half remembered dream three weeks ago, about running through the streets of Brooklyn. But the streets in his dream were not the same as reality. There was something at the very edge of his consciousness, straining, trying to reach the forefront of his mind. But for the life of him he couldn’t think of what it was. He knew there was something important here, something he had to find, and yet he had no idea where to start.

As he ate away at the last donut in the box, his thoughts drifted to the blonde stranger. He remembered, with perfect clarity, eyes like the depths of the ocean staring into his own as he dragged his enemy- or who he thought was his enemy- onto dry land. The helicarriers had destroyed one another and were crashing down into the lake surrounding S.H.I.E.L.D headquarters. The blonde stranger had lied unconscious on the shore, beaten, bloodied, and bruised. Bucky wasn’t sure what had possessed him to save the stranger; it felt like the right thing to do, especially after hearing those words spoken by the blonde.

“Cause I’m with you, till the end of the line”.

Bucky tossed the pink box on the floor and sprawled out on his bed, staring up at the cracked white ceiling. The stranger had called him “Bucky”. Later on, he had learned his real name is James Buchanan Barnes. He had also learned that he was supposed to be dead.

+++

A/N: Thanks for reading!

#fanfiction #winter soldier #bucky barnes/oc #buckey barnes #bucky barnes fanfiction #black oc

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suaneio-blog · 4 years

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He complemented that line

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constellation-suggestions · 6 years

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huge life update..!!

hey everyone !! so as you’ve seen, we’ve been slowly returning to this blog. we’re so sorry for kind of abandoning it in the past few months, it wasn’t on purpose and we never really meant to do it. there was no “let’s take a hiatus” decision, we did want to keep running the blog but a lot has been going on and life has been really distracting !! soooo much has happened with us, and we can’t wait to tell you all about what we’ve been up to !!

we left off telling you about our month-long first meeting. ruby lived in california while i lived in canada, and we met online through pokemon. at the very beginning of april, after almost a year of dating, ruby flew over to canada and we met for the first time. we spent an amazing month together and did so many fun things before she had to leave at the end of april, just a few days before our one year anniversary. it was a very tearful goodbye as being together in real life had been so wonderful that we really dreaded going back to being long distance. this is the part you’ve already known. oh how things have changed...

it was only a short two months before we saw each other again. we spent may and june apart, but then, at the very end of june, i was the one who flew to california. like ruby in april, it was my first time going through an airport and on an airplane all by myself !!! i was extremely nervous to do it but after it had happened, it wasn’t neaaarly as bad as i thought it would be. the flight itself was disappointingly extremely boring and i couldn’t wait for it to be over. i absolutely love looking out the window but the woman in the window seat beside me, as well as apparently every single person around me, kept the windows closed the entire flight ! ! ! ! and oh god that woman... i couldn’t text ruby throughout the flight so i wrote down the hilarious things she said so that i could tell her them later. i won’t say what they were right now because i don’t want a huge portion of this life update to just be about her but dear god ... if anyone wants to know what happened with her, feel free to send an ask about it and i will most gladly tell c; let’s just say... i named her melania trump ...

ruby and i had no idea that we would see each other again so soon. when we parted at the end of april, we had no clue for how long it would be. we hoped we would be lucky enough to see each other again around christmas, because we knew we really wanted to spend that together. and we ended up being even luckier than that ! we did lots of fun things in california; went swimming in ruby’s pool (i don’t have a pool so this was exciting to me okay !), went to a fair on the fourth of july where we saw a rodeo and amazing fireworks, we drove 10 hours to arizona !!!, where we camped for a few days in The Wilderness, and we had never seen so many stars in our lives. the town of sedona and the mountains in arizona were so extremely beautiful and breathtaking. we went to san pedro and santa monica pier... sedona and santa monica were my two favourite places, especially santa monica. they were both so extremely beautiful. the stars in sedona and the sunset on santa monica beach... in california we also discovered ubereats. i mean, we’d always known it existed, but they had only just started making deliveries where ruby lived, and we don’t have it where i live in canada, so we had never used it before. we ordered it once and then...got addicted. we ordered quite a few “feasts” every few days where we would buy enough food that it looked as though it were for a party, but it was just the two of us. relationship goals though, am i right ? i loved our feasts ! we also walked around hollywood, of course, which i’d really wanted to see. i got a lot of fun souvenirs ! and we saw the hollywood sign !! that about ended my time in california... or i should say, OUR time.

that’s right, when i returned to canada at the end of july, after spending one month in california, ruby came with me. it was my dad’s idea, that she should come for another visit and experience summer in canada, since when she was here in april it was still winter and way too cold to do certain things. we had her ticket to canada bought before i even left for california !

we missed our flight. we might’ve left the house a tiny bit too late, and then there was traffic on the way to the airport. once we got there, there was technically still time. our plane hadn’t left off yet and we knew that planes never left exactly on time anyway. if we hurried through security we could probably still.... but they wouldn’t let us !!! immediately at check in they told us that we could no longer check in for this flight. it was too late. we had to be there at least an hour before departure. even though we probably could have made it, they said no... but they told us they could put us on the next flight. which was at 6pm. IT WASN’T EVEN NOON YET. ruby’s parents had already left us at the airport, we couldn’t sit there until 6pm !!!! PLUS, my parents had already driven 2 hours to toronto for us at this point, doing some shopping before they expected to pick us up at the airport at 7pm canadian time. like this, we wouldn’t even BOARD OUR PLANE until 9pm their time !!!! WE WOULD ARRIVE IN CANADA NOT AT 7PM, BUT AT PAST 2AM. this could NOT happen. my parents, with my little siblings with them as well, could not wait for us until 2am. there had to be a sooner flight. there had to be. AND LUCKILY, THERE WAS. they said that they could squeeze us onto a flight that left just an hour after our original flight. we would only arrive in canada slightly late. thank god. we also extremely luckily got seats together. our seats weren’t assigned until we were waiting for the plane to begin boarding. the man at the desk said that unfortunately, they didn’t have any seats left together, as he started printing our boarding passes... but he didn’t even finish saying it before he cut himself off, seeing that they DID have a seat together, and printed our new tickets, next to each other. finally everything was set !!! we had a much better flight together than i did when i flew to california. i got the window seat and got to look out the window all i wanted !!! we also watched ratatouille on the plane. because of delays, we didn’t get there until 10pm canadian time. it was nice seeing my family again after a whole month away. and then was the long drive home... we got to my house near 1am. AND I GOT TO SEE MY CATS. i had been away from them for so long !!!!!!!

so began our next month in canada. it was august, and we tried to do as many fun things together as we could. just a few days after we returned to canada, my family left for the long weekend to the state of new york. so we had the house to ourselves ! my siblings are... extremely loud and annoying. whenever they’re home, we try to stick to my room because there are no words for how horrible they are. so we were very glad to have the house to ourselves for once and took the opportunity to cook some tasty food together ! we made several good breakfasts and we even cooked two batches of meringues, which were really good. during the rest of august, we went swimming at the beach (where we had taken a walk back in april and i died from how freezing it was back then), shopped at my favourite mall, watched the incredibles 2 at the theatre, went to the african lion safari where we saw many animals such as elephants, zebras, giraffes, lions, and more, and we bought ruby a (very cheap) nintendo switch !!! she had been wanting one for literally EVER but had no money to get one. she was always really upset that she may never get one, especially with lots of games coming out that she wanted. so i helped her get one and she was so happy !!! we also both played my most favourite game in the world, together on our switches, when we saw that it had been released for switch: okami hd !!!! we have actually yet to finish it but we are very close to the end.... it’s such a good game and ruby really loves it ! i’ve wanted her to play it forever ! we also got mario kart 8 for switch, which has been a lot of fun to play together, we went to niagara on the lake, where we tried beavertails and poutine for the first time, but then when we had barely ate some of the poutine a TINY gust of wind somehow managed to blow it off our table and spill it all over the ground >:( we were so depressed !!!!!! we also went on a horse carriage ride ! and tried costco fries ! (costco’s in the US don’t sell fries in their cafe area and i have always really loved them and wanted ruby to try them... on the other hand american costco’s sell chicken bakes which are SO good and canadian costco’s don’t D’: i will miss them..) and we had campfires again !! just like back in april !! ruby has also helped me find homes for 5 stray kittens/cats that lived outside my house. they were a big problem, always having kittens and sadly suffering during the winter when it was freezing and there was little food. we were finally able to help the last of them !!! that makes over 20 strays that i’ve found homes for ! however... there were actually 6 cats. the last was a black cat named pepper. i loved her a lot but she was very sick. a rescue did take her along with the other adult stray and had her treated and fixed !!! but they couldn’t find a home for her... so they ended up returning her a month later and... we ended up taking her in just a few days ago !!! pepper is now mine !! i have 6 cats now hehehe... so that makes for our time in canada.

you may be thinking to yourself: but you said you spent the month of august together. it’s been more than a month. you both adopted pepper just the other day, and it’s october now. well... that would be right ! ruby is still here. SHE IS STAYING HERE.

YES. YES. YES. RUBY IS IN CANADA AND NOT LEAVING. so a few weeks into august, i asked my dad for advice on what the heck we’re supposed to do for ruby to begin immigrating to canada. he said well why wait ? there’s no better time to start than right now. we were ecstatic and in disbelief. we wouldn’t have to say goodbye again. ruby was not going back to california. so it was still august when we cancelled ruby’s flight and began preparing for her move. she couldn’t go back for her stuff in california because well... it would be weird and suspicious if she spent a whole month in canada, went back to california for like a week, and then returned with a ton of stuff. what would she even tell as her reason for returning to canada at airport security this time ? yeah... we thought it would be best if she didn’t leave the country. instead, her mom is going to be mailing several packages of ruby’s belongings over. but don’t worry, we’re not secretly keeping her here illegally. my family has immigrated illegally to canada and ruby’s illegally to the US, so we know all of the trouble that causes and want to avoid that. she is technically still a visitor. americans are allowed to visit canada for 6 months per year, every year, so she can be here no problem until the end of january 2019. so we have until then to figure out something more to keep her here longer. we are planning to begin college together, and that way she can get a study permit and a work permit for the length of the program (likely around 18 months). in those 18 months we would then make progress toward keeping her here after graduation, such as having her apply for a permanent residency. it’s hard but i’m sure everything will work out !

however, we are... extremely stressed out at the moment. the problem is, we have no money. we need thousands to pay for college. we need jobs to get money. ruby can’t even get a job yet, as she has no work permit. also, neither of us have driver’s licenses, though we are working to get them. and she cannot get a work permit until she has a study permit. but to get the study permit we have to have a way to pay for school---- you see the problem.

we want to go to college for video game design and development. we both have a huge love and passion for video games and would love to be the ones creating them. we already have plenty ideas for games that we want to create one day. (because of me tbh,.. every little thing gives me a new idea !) the first school i thought of was the toronto film school. so one day we simply requested more information from them, so we could learn more about what the school and the program were like. the admissions adviser called us pretty much immediately and was super nice. we talked to him a lot over the course of several days, and were very excited to apply for this school. however... we hadn’t fully thought things through just yet. looking back on it now, he kind of pressured us a little bit, urging us to apply right away so that we could be accepted and start at the school in january 2019. he said that the school would help us find an apartment in toronto and everything. toronto is 2 hours away so of course we’d have to move out to attend this school. now, filling out an application isn’t the bad thing. neither were the short essays we had to write along with the application. i don’t mind applying and even being accepted to this school. what i mind is the price, after realizing that toronto may not be the best idea. the application had a $100 fee, each, and we are extremely extremely extremely broke. but we paid it. they urged us to, made us feel like we had to apply right at that moment and that everything would work out. within just like, 4 or 5 days honestly, of simply requesting some more information about the school, we had applied and paid a non-refundable $200 together. and just a few days after that.... we truly realized how bad of an idea it was. we hadn’t even glanced at other schools to see what our options were. i did mention our worries about money to our admissions adviser for toronto film school, telling him that i have no idea how we are going to pay for all of this and that we may just have to apply for another school--- he brushed me off very quickly. didn’t even consider the option and just told me that everything would be fine and we would find a way to pay for the school and that we should apply as soon as possible so that our spots for january could be saved. he pushed me to apply, and i feel stupid for doing so now. i regret it. if it had just been a written application and all free it would all be fine but what i regret is the two of us losing $200 when we have nothing. we could have used that money to apply for a different school or pay the fee for our driver’s license test and now we have nothing. i am salty about that. i kind of feel scammed. i wish we could get our money back but i’m certain there really is no way... it’s non-refundable. sighs... the issue is, toronto is SO expensive. the school tuition would have been $33,000 each, and we thought we were soooo lucky because they told us ruby wouldn’t have to pay an extra 10k in international fees and instead get the same 33k as me. toronto, being an enormous city, gives you the shittiest, tiniest apartments, for so much money. rent would have been about $1,200 a month for an 18 month program. we were easily looking at about $88,000 that we would have to pay together. god, i am only just realizing just how much that would have been. and that is ONLY for our schooling and housing, not including other utilities and things like food. where would we, jobless as we currently are, GET 88 THOUSAND DOLLARS ??? pluuus, fafsa (american college aid) does not support the toronto film school. however osap (canadian college aid) does. i would have gotten some help for my tuition but ruby, the one who needs the help the most, being in a foreign country with no money and unable to get a job yet, would receive NOTHING. apparently fafsa hardly gives you anything anyways... but something is obviously better than nothing, and she would get nothing.

so toronto film school was a bad idea. i regret spending that $200 application fee. even if we get accepted, i hardly doubt it’s going to happen. i don’t think i want it to happen anymore. the costs scare me too much. we would struggle too much. it would be impossible.

on the bright side, i suppose, we are now considering a better school option. (though that doesn’t make the extreme stress go away, of course. we are still extremely broke). there is a school 40 minutes from my house called the university of western ontario. it’s closer by, so the location is much better and we’d be able to visit home much more often. housing would also be so, so much cheaper. the apartments there are not only much better quality, but larger, and cheaper. i visited an apartment building just today that is literally directly across the street from my favourite mall and a 5 minute walk from the university. it is the perfect location and i’m kind of in love with it. the tuition itself is likely much cheaper as well. i have not requested any information from this school yet so i have no idea how much exactly a video game program would cost, but when i quickly googled the general cost of this school, it told me that it is 8k for canadian students and 24k for international students. yep, international fees, which the toronto film school apparently didn’t have. it’s not very fair that i have to pay only 8k possibly while ruby has to pay 24k, but 24k is still much cheaper than 33k. that is nine thousand dollars we would save. PLUS, fafsa actually supports this university. we highly hope that they would give ruby a decent amount of money, though she says they hardly help at all. they gave her only a few hundred when she applied to a californian college once that she didn’t end up attending, and her sister actually started college extremely recently and they gave her absolutely nothing. so... there’s a chance they won’t help much. there’s also a chance that since she’s going to school in a whole other country rather than in the US, they might give her more for that. but we have no idea how much they might give her until she applies for it. we can only hope that it’s a good amount. though... any little bit helps. at least at this university she will get something.

so the university of western ontario sounds heaven sent. just one problem. they might not have a video game program. and we reaaally want to go into video game development.... it took me two years to decide what career i wanted in life because none of them bring me happiness !!!!! i don’t want to miss out on this one now that i finally decided on it !!!! but there is still hope. western university does list a video game program on their website, they just say that it is currently closed. however i have seen articles published in just 2017 about how western is “one of the best schools for video game development”. i wonder, if it’s so great and those articles were posted just last year, how can they have the program unavailable ! what i am hoping is that they only mean it is unavailable for the current year, which would make sense. the school year just started, it is too late too apply. but we weren’t planning on attending until 2019. perhaps, perhaaaaps... they do still have the program and it will be open again in 2019, when we wanted to attend ? however i cannot confirm this until i contact the school, which i will do soon... i really hope this is the case. if western university offered video game design and had all of these other perks, it would be literally perfect.

(but we are still very poor and very stressed out and afraid)

currently, we need to finish getting our driver’s licenses. we, especially ruby, need $150 each just to do the test... then i need to get a job. and ruby needs to get accepted into a school so she can get a study permit and work permit and she can get a job. and then we have to purchase (yes purchase, not rent, my dad claims it’s the better option) an apartment, move out, and juggle school, work, and life all at the same time, while also working to make ruby a canadian citizen. phew ! ! !

ruby has considered making a gofundme and i think that we will do it soon... i don’t know if anyone would donate, they didn’t when i tried to make a gofundme a few years ago when my dog had cancer. but we can hope. any bit that any one would donate would help us with something. so i think that we will do it. we’ll probably post the link on here once we have it, in case any of you would be able to, and be kind enough to, help us out ;w; how does that sound...? does anyone here think they would be able to donate something once we have that link..? we are wondering whether we can expect to get any sort of help from here ;w; ... apart from that and getting jobs, i’m not sure how we can make some extra money... we will need as much of it as we can get if we want to make it through this without struggling terribly. i wish either of us were particularly good at something to sell on etsy or commissions or... i don’t know. i don’t know what else we can do.

anyway, that leaves us where we are now ! we have a lot on us that we need to accomplish but.. we will try to get through it. we will get through it. together. because i still can’t believe she’s here. i can’t believe this is happening. that we never have to say goodbye and we can begin work on keeping her here forever. it’s an amazing, amazing thing, but it has its difficulties. but we have already gone through so much together. it truly is 20gayteen. at the beginning of this year, we had never even met in real life yet, and we didn’t know yet that we would. in april, we met, and when she left we didn’t expect to be back together so soon. and even then, we had no idea that this would happen. that she would stay here and we would be looking to begin college and move out together. god, the things that have happened this year. wow. Wow. i have a hard time believing that this is real, that i’m not dreaming. i never thought something like this could happen. tomorrow is our 17 month anniversary, and we are together.

(sorry this was so long !! we’ve been waiting really long to update you guys on All of the things that have happened c: thank you so much if you managed to read the whole thing, and we’d love to chat about it more if you’d like to send an ask about anything ! ...remember, my melania trump airplane story... and i hope that when we create a gofundme in a couple of days, any of you will be able to help us out !! ;w; love you all !!! 💖💖💖)

#we will continue going through our ask box soon !!!#mod post

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manetsgarden · 6 years

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How I, An Incredibly Anxious Traveller, Solo Travelled Through Bulgaria

Nobody really asks, but I can see their eyes secretly wonder “why” when I tell someone I’m travelling to Bulgaria for a little holiday. The short answer is … I don’t really know. It wasn’t because I have some ever-present burning desire to visit Bulgaria. My going to Bulgaria was just a holiday booked on a whim, because Ryanair had a sale. It ended up working out well, but I didn’t have many expectations, let alone knowledge about Bulgaria before I went. I booked it quite simply because I had never been before, and because I had never thought about going. Usually people opt for the opposite.

The short of it is: I booked this holiday because I was homesick. I was still at home when homesickness struck. I was looking out at seven months without a hug from my mom, seven months without laying eyes on my dad, or my dog, or my sisters or brother. Seven months of solitude in Scotland, before my family planned to visit in July — planned but had not (and still have not!) booked yet. And I was sad, and I already missed everyone, and I wanted to go to New York over March Break, so I could meet up with my mom and sister. (It’s cheaper to fly to New York than Thunder Bay, not cheap, but cheaper).

Then, my sister told me not to. Not because she didn’t want me there but because, in her words: “If you live in Europe you should be going somewhere in Europe that you’ve never been to before, and take advantage of how close you are to new places, and how cheap it is to travel, rather than spending a lot of money to going across the Atlantic to somewhere you’ve been to tons of times.” So I went to Skyscanner and I saw a cheap flight to Sofia and I thought, ‘huh, I’ve never thought about going to Bulgaria before,’ and then I booked it.

The flight cost me 52GBP. I then started looking at Airbnbs and came across the most beautiful little apartment, with glowing reviews, for $32CAD/night and booked it. I was set. A little holiday in Sofia, Bulgaria. I pictured old Soviet style buildings mixed in with Orthodox churches. I envisioned a quaint, old town style city that was quiet, calm, and comfortable.

I started to look into things to do and realised I could do day trips to Macedonia and Serbia! I realised how close Sofia is to other Balkan countries and immediately started looking into getting my International Drivers Permit so I could rent a car and road trip. I looked at doing the day trips, but they were too pricey for one person (I’m talking like three hundred pounds!). I went through the process. I took passport pictures, I sent them to my dad, he took them to CAA, he got my IDP, he sent it to me, I booked a car. I planned on spending a day in Sofia, and then doing day trips to Skopje, Niš, and Thessaloniki. And then I got to the rental pick up and they said I couldn’t cross borders. Cool.

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As planned, I spent my first day in Sofia. It was weird. I remembered as I was leaving that, while I haven’t been really badly anxious in awhile, I have a long history of travel anxiety. Exactly five years ago I was just south of Bulgaria, in Greece. It was a school trip, and I almost didn’t go because I was so anxious. I spent seven months before that trip going to counselling specifically so that I could go on it. I threw up the morning we left, I spent the day crying to my family in Toronto, and then I got on the plane headed overseas, and in the end I was fine. The first time I actually properly travelled alone was in October 2018, when I went hiking in Ireland. Except one of my closest friends lives in Dublin, so it hardly counts because I knew I could go to her if I needed her.

And then I found myself alone in Bulgaria, apparently in my homesick, adventurous spirit state, I forgot to factor in my anxiety disorder. Weirdly, it was relatively OK. I walked around the city centre, I bought postcards, I sat in the sun, in a park, I went and got coffee, I sat in the park some more. I bailed on all of my walking tours because my feet hurt, (but lowkey because I was afraid to talk to people) and I went back to my Airbnb early. I ate granola and yogurt for dinner because I was too stressed to go out and try to tackle the language barrier to get myself a proper dinner. Try again tomorrow.

The second day I picked up my car. I went for groceries at Lidl and then I tackled the metro, taking it out to the airport, and then I realised I could easily have just managed with the metro alone. But the car was already booked, so off I went! I picked up the keys, sat in the drivers seat, gave myself a pep talk, reminded myself of the ‘how to drive in a roundabout’ videos I had watched on Youtube the night before, started the ignition and drove off. And it. Was. Fine. Since I couldn’t cross borders, I drove to the Rila Monastery. Tucked into the mountains, it’s one of the oldest (maybe the oldest) Orthodox monastery in the world. I’m not religious, I was raised Catholic, and I don’t majorly care about these things but I thought it might be cool so I went. And it was cool.

I drove on the highway (very fast, might I add!) and I drove on tiny side streets and I drove up the mountain and it took me two whole hours because I took so many wrong turns. I was constantly stressed about my phone (my navigation) dying. But I made it. There was snow on the ground that people were ice-picking at so that it would melt. I went into the church, I saw monks, I paid to visit the museum and saw some icons (housing some relics!), and I got to be in the mountains and breath in the forest air. I bought some postcards, then I did one whole sign of the cross and then I left. I think I spent less than an hour there, but I was tired and hungry so I went back to my Airbnb, it took me only an hour and a half to get back to Sofia that time around. When I got to the Airbnb, parking was a total nightmare. My driveway backed on to a tiny side street, I had to back in, through the gates of the drive, while not hitting the car parked on the single lane street. It took a solid 10 minutes, and after I was thoroughly humiliated by anyone who might be watching, I decided not to take the car out again until I was leaving.

On my third day I explored Sofia some more. I gave myself a morning pep talk, consisting of a lot of ‘you’re only in Sofia for today, make the most of it, just barrel on full steam ahead, don’t let the language barrier get to you. It’s fine.’ So I googled ‘best coffee in Sofia’ and headed off to the first hit. I walked through new parts of the city centre, saw new churches, new parks, new shops, and I walked far and wide. I shopped a bit, I ate a bit, and then I went for a nap. But I would not be defeated by the restaurant situation, so I forced myself to go out and get dinner. For context, I am realising as I write this, restaurants are a no-go for my anxiety. Nowadays, after a lot of hard work, I don’t really think much about eating out, but when I first went to counselling it was the first thing we worked on in exposure therapy, and suddenly it makes sense to me why I was so reluctant to try to figure out how to eat out in Sofia. Regardless, it happened, I had a yummy salad and hummus and coffee and it was grand.

Sunday was my fourth and final day. I woke up exhausted. Tired of having to figure everything out myself, tired of having so many thoughts and no one to express them to, and just tired because the hosts of the Airbnb had been listening to salsa music late into the night. I decided to try driving to Plovdiv for a bit to explore. It took about an hour and a half to get there, and then about another 45 minutes to try to find parking. I found a spot that I’m not sure I was allowed to park in, and when I got out I felt defeated. I didn’t want to try to find fun things to do, I was already looking forward to going gas station shopping on the way back to Sofia so I thought ‘that’s it, you’re enjoying driving, just drive.’

So I drove through Plovdiv, and then I headed back to Sofia Airport, I enjoyed the gas station stop, and then I returned my car. Then I spent the rest of my last day at Sofia Airport, reading one of those airport-mystery books that I had picked up in Edinburgh Airport on my way out. It was a quiet, cozy Sunday, very relaxing, and it just so happened that I spent it at Sofia Airport.

Moral of the story: There is no ‘right way’ to travel, it’s YOUR holiday, just do whatever you want! If you’re tired at three pm and you want to have a lay down, do that. It’s okay. You’re not missing anything other than hurting your feet and making yourself kind of miserable and grouchy for the next day. If you’re somewhere and you decide you’re done, if you want to sit in a park, or a cafe, or all you want to do is food tour after food tour, do it. Don’t bother with trying to do what other people are doing when they’re travelling, unless it looks like something you want to do. If you try it and realise it’s not what you want to do: that’s okay. Loads of people will read through this and think “well that’s kind of a waste of time” but I feel like I made the most of my trip! I saw tons of new places, had new experiences, but I don’t feel drained now that I’m home. I had the right balance of adventure and exploration, and rest and relaxation.

The only picture of my face in Bulgaria

Solo travelling selfies, am I right?

So what was Bulgaria like?

In terms of Sofia + Bulgaria

Sofia is nice, Bulgaria is nice. Sofia is so much bigger than expected, and Bulgaria even more so. Sofia did have Soviet architecture, and Orthodox churches, but it also had very Cuban-esque run down architecture, and a handful of western shops and then a lot of random other shops. It had a lot of greenspace, and a lot of people, but not a TON of tourists (at least not English-speakers). There are mountains everywhere, and it was warmer than expected. Not everyone speaks English, in all the touristy areas they’ll try, or they’ll do what they can to make it work. I found that people, generally, weren’t super friendly like I’m used to, people don’t smile at you in the street if you don’t smile first, and check-out workers are generally in a bad mood (but who can blame them).

In terms of driving

Don’t drive in Bulgaria if you are not a confident driver. I have anxiety problems, yes, but I’m a good driver. I am a bit of a risky driver, but I’m a good driver, and those are the two things (it turns out) that you need in order to not die or crash while driving in Bulgaria. Highways are lawless, you need to know how to use them, and you need to simultaneously be both an aggressive and defensive driver. It was actually kind of perfect for my driving style. There are tons of beautiful views everywhere, and tons of wild drivers doing weird things too, which constantly made me want to have someone in the passenger seat.

Have you solo travelled? Are you an anxious traveller? Have you put the two together yet? Talk with me about it in the comments!

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Solo Travelling For The Anxious Traveller How I, An Incredibly Anxious Traveller, Solo Travelled Through Bulgaria Nobody really asks, but I can see their eyes secretly wonder "why" when I tell someone I'm travelling to Bulgaria for a little holiday. 2,141 more words

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sharonboomikim · 6 years

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the longest 2018 reflection ever

this morning, i made cloth napkins with nicole. sometime during the third hour, she and i fell on the subject of 2018 and all that had happened in the last year--a continuation of the conversation we started in small group last night. i said something along the lines of ‘how can you sum up a year in a few words?’

...and that’s pretty much what keeps me from reflecting on years. they are arbitrary markers (but markers nonetheless) and are too vast to be reduced (but you can still notice, appreciate, ruminate on parts of it, can’t you?). after having read some friends’ very honest reflections on their years, through positive peer pressure i find myself here, giving it a go.

what a preamble, and how needlessly dramatic.

here goes:

january:

- i celebrated my 27th birthday intentionally by actually planning something, and people showed up! 2018 was a year of consistently feeling the love of my community, and this birthday was a total reminder of that.

- we received our first wedding registry gift: a kitchenaid stand mixer in aqua blue. leslie and monte were kind enough to gift us this extremely generous gift. moreover, we actually use this thing, which is frankly surprising to me. i am no longer afraid to make cookies.

february:

- i read brené brown while working out at a gym. new year, new me. she got me thinking, and more importantly, expressing my feeling more.

- daniel and i ditched our valentine’s day reservations at el mono and went to the über-fancy juanita and maude, where i had the most delicious pavlova of my life. i totally buy into the ridiculous expectations of valentine’s day and am grateful to have a husband (then-fiancé) who indulges me, eyes rolled.

- my bachelorette weekend! i was uncomfortable at how loved i was--no surprises there. repeat that 100x over the course of preparing for the wedding. i got to make cheese, stay in an upscale log cabin, eat good food, and hike. and pet a baby goat. #goals

march:

- i was tired and frustrated at work. the third year of teaching felt uninspired, especially second semester.

- crate & barrel on fourth street closed its doors, and fiancé and i scooped up our plates, utensils, etc. for CHEAP. this was clutch. but we should have picked up utensils because we only have four sets right now...

- i worked out regularly-ish. life achievement unlocked.

april:

- was a question of a month that throbbed for months afterwards. we got on a flight to beijing, just shy of catching daniel’s nainai before her passing away. this trip was a palpable moment of ‘shit, i am growing up and i have no idea how to act.’ i was asking questions of God i honestly felt He might not be able to answer. and even in the midst of this, there was beauty--i climbed the great wall of china, with soft snow fluttering all about, hand-in-hand with my husband-to-be, father-in-law excited to know me and show me everything.

- pre-marital counseling with the iwawakis was such a kindness from God.

may:

- umma and i got matching mani/pedis for mother’s day. she was beaming in pleasure throughout and after. reminder to self to do this again, and not just once a year...

- we found an apartment to live in and began our series of not-so-veiled fights at ikea. ‘500 days of summer’ is a lie, i tell you.

- socal college trip with at-that-point juniors. this was a semi-traumatic school trip that i do not wish to go on again. as i was sobbing in my (shared) hotel room on the fourth night of the trip, i really questioned whether it is worth it to be in this profession, whether it is worth it at all to care, whether i can allow myself to be in this profession without caring or does that make it void, all the things. i was tremendously frustrated at my students and also blamed myself for a lot of things outside of my control. this trip was a learning experience for sure. i am not good with messiness and spontaneity (what i call unpreparedness). and i am slow to forgive.

- one golden moment in the midst of that trip was seeing one of my former students making it at UCLA and still in pursuit of that english major. i love that kid (have written about him in previous posts). another was sitting on a bench at pomona college with gabriela, talking about teaching and kids and responsibility. she took care of me, and i needed that.

june:

- we started assembling furniture in our new place! jordan and matt were hugely instrumental, and i mostly took funny videos of them making idiots out of themselves (i.e. putting the vacuum box over their bodies and getting trapped within). daniel sacrificed many hours of sleep, the mobility of a few toes, etc. to get our place set up.

- i got coffee with a former student who had just finished his freshman year at middlebury. it is strange and wonderful to me that students can become adults and almost-friends. this is the beauty of teaching seniors.

- bridal shower! aesthetic af, girly, thoughtful, catered towards me in the most loving way... this was a joy. again, i wish i hadn’t been so uncomfortable lol. lots of PG gifts for ya domestic girl. ashley and i made granola and a vat of strawberry-lemon compote to hand out as favors.

- seniors graduated! graduation always leaves me emotional, but this year i was pretty much done. i did not linger long, but instead went straight to ippudo to join daniel for a hearty 9 p.m. dinner, with a celebratory beer of which i only consumed half and felt woozy. my tolerance did not grow in 2018.

july:

- daniel and i got MARRIED! not to sound cliché, but it truly was really the best day. there was something hyperreal about every moment of that day, and there’s a dumb smile on my face even as i write about it. nuff said, i love the man.

- we went on a glorious honeymoon for two weeks to paris, amsterdam, and london. daniel gained 10 glorious pounds, which have remained with him a souvenir of this trip. summer in europe is le best.

august:

- got the best haircut of my life and a balayage shortly after at grove salon in albany. seriously tho.

- attended two weddings, struggled with being on break and being a housewife.

- touched brian mcknight’s hand. then came home, insta-stalked him, and didn’t relish the hand-holding as much.

- little brother got married! it was an emotionally difficult night for me, and i was grateful to have daniel as my confidante and strength through that weekend.

september:

- the weddings continued: two in one weekend at the same venue! it was a fun weekend of reunions, beautiful vows, and pinching myself over and over again at the fact that oh my goodness we are now adults doing adult things.

- miraculously managed to spend time with monica--which felt like a total luxury given that this time of the school year usually is nuts and a little more. we cafe-hopped around in downtown oakland and just talked and talked and talked. the comfort of a good friendship.

october:

- felt lucky going into work each day, especially loving my new seniors (whom i taught as freshmen) so. freaking. much. i will fall apart at graduation.

- resuscitated a dying orchid, cut my finger badly on a mandolin slicer, worked out-ish.

november:

- cindy was in town and we spent a heavenly day wandering around in the mission. i ate an apple that had red flesh and we were both mesmerized. i stepped into bi-rite market and felt a surge of desire for worldly things.

- ashley got engaged! i cry at all the things and i will maybe always be this person and that is okay.

- met hasan minhaj randomly at fremont whole foods. did i mention his face is half the size of my face?

- we double-dated with brian and joanne, who came up for thanksgiving. spent a rainy but lovely day in san francisco.

december:

- was especially sweet because of emmaus partnership with laura, which started a few weeks prior but really hit its stride in december. we have been reading thomas merton’s no man is an island and our discussions and prayer times left me spiritually invigorated and hungry. super grateful for the community that surrounded both daniel and me through the year.

- daniel and i bought our first christmas tree together with the aide of our pseudo-son, sam, and made christmas candy to hand out.

- i pursued reconciliation with a few people, which was a personal victory for me. done prayerfully and thoughtfully, it gave me a restored heart for the unity of believers and helped me to communicate my needs and start to trust church leaders again.

- the year closed out in washington d.c., with joon, teresa, and hahn. daniel and i babysat hahn for a night and that was also a huge learning experience. sorry to joon and teresa for any harm we unwittingly inflicted upon your wonderful boy. i miss this family already.

that was way longer than i intended, and i have been an unhelpful spouse while daniel has been preparing for dinner guests. wow, 2018 was FULL. and while i did not understand so often this year where God was leading, looking back i am so grateful that this year was actually really... full of people.

the previous few years were so isolated--i remember roaming around stores during the weekends, feeling aimless if i wasn’t working and frankly having nothing to do--but this year has been a surrounding with community. community that does not always “get” me intuitively (and i have to stop expecting this, and expecting myself to be this for others), but is a messy fits-and-starts, hodge-podge kind of thing. but in 2018, i learned and practiced that i must stay open and stay hopeful and know that somehow, God is working it for my good. and He has.

i know not all years will be like this, and the big fanfare that is our wedding is over, but i want to remember this beginning and how before creating our own family, God surrounded us with friends who were pivotal in making daniel and me family at all in the first place. and my many questions and doubts will not be answered neatly by the end of the year, or even by the end of my life, and God will not show up in the way i want Him to or expect Him to whenever i call, but He is answering in His own way, in His own time... and this season is sweet in that i can finally say that for the first time in a long time, i can catch some parts of what He is saying. and the mystery is not frustrating; it’s even exciting again.

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