#chat tell me this is pretty i spent like 40 minutes on it

[midnight-mourning]

Obligatory art summary post (even tho i am a writer primarily lmao)

[ariestrxsh]

✯¸.•´*¨`*•✿ ─•~❉᯽❉~•─ ✿•*`¨*`•.¸✯

⚠️ content warning: ⚠️ smut, masturbation, getting caught, voyeurism, praise, begging, dirty talk, oral

✍️ Summary: ✍️ Matt caught you touching yourself, and despite knowing better, he watches until you finish. His guilt of knowing what he's done eats away at him, so he decides to put on a private show for you while Nick and Chris are asleep upstairs to return the favor and ease his conscience. A little quid pro quo.

✯¸.•´*¨`*•✿ ─•~❉᯽❉~•─ ✿•*`¨*`•.¸✯

digital bath

I woke up disoriented and in the dark to someone shifting in the bed next to me, and through my sleepy haze, I remembered I wasn't in my own room. I'd stayed the night with the Sturniolos and had fallen asleep in Nick's bed with him after watching some cheesy scary movie. I reached over to the nightstand to grab my phone, and I peered at the time through one eye. 1:58 a.m. I also had a text from Matt? It read: "If you read this before I fall asleep, come downstairs. I wanna show you something I don't think you'll wanna miss. Don't tell Nick or Chris."

I stared down at the cryptic message on my phone, and decided to go see what he could possibly mean by that. He had sent it nearly 40 minutes prior, so I couldn't even be sure he was still up. I swung my legs over the side of the bed, but as soon as I took my first step, my foot bumped against something that groaned back at me in response. "Shit. Sorry," I whispered to Chris who had fallen asleep on the floor beside me. I carefully stepped over him and tiptoed out into the hall. In case Matt was trying to prank me or scare me, I had to be stealthy. I used the handrail to guide me, and I took my steps strategically down the staircase to keep from triggering any creaky steps. Halfway down the staircase, I stopped.

Matt was nestled into the couch under dim lighting, pants and boxers pulled down mid-thigh, and cock in hand. Is this what he wanted to show me? The first thing I noticed was how big it was, so much bigger than I had imagined, especially in thickness, and it was veiny like his arms and hands. His hand moved skillfully and slowly over his length, and he'd pause every few strokes to pay close attention to the head. I was mesmerized by the pre-cum that glistened as it flowed from his slit. Matt ran his thumb over that wet spot and he shuddered and a smile washed over his face as he let out a heavenly sigh. He continued stroking it, rolling his eyes back and relaxing further into the couch.

The way he looked in the soft lighting, the sounds pouring from his mouth like honey, the fact that he was putting on a private show just for me. How did he know this was something I wanted to see? I hadn't told a single soul about the late nights I'd spent lulling myself to sleep with my favorite vibrator to my many fantasies involving Matt, so how could he know?

"Oh fuck," Matt whimpered, teasing his tip again. I heard a few more unintelligible moans, and then my name? Did he just moan my name? Did he have any idea what he was doing to me? Moaning my name, playing with his cock, teasing me with his text. My legs started to grow weak, and I felt a warm wetness forming between my thighs. I started to squeeze my legs together to get some kind of relief from the tension Matt was causing, but the sudden weight shift elicited a loud creek from the stairs beneath me.

Matt looked up at me, but he didn't skip a beat. He kept stroking away, pleasuring himself in front of me. "How long have you been standing there, pretty girl? Is it making you wet to watch me?" He smirked. I descended down the rest of the stairs and yell-whispered, "Matt! What are you doing?!" He still kept going, massaging the head once again, coaxing a few more drops of pre-cum out of his slit as he let out a sweet sound. "I have to get something off my chest," he whispered. "What is it?" I asked, biting my lip while I watched his hand on his dick. "You remember last week on video chat?" He asked. I nodded. "We both forgot to hang up on our video call, and when I got out of the shower, I could see you, hear you.. what you were doing to yourself while you were moaning my name," he smiled and looked right up at me. "I knew it was wrong, but I didn't end the call. Instead I stayed up and listened to the whole thing.."

"You're lying!" I whispered loudly, but I knew he wasn't lying. My face grew hot. I started playing back the week before in my head. I remembered having my laptop open, video chatting with Matt. I recalled only minimizing the tab, because I assumed Matt would hang up. Hell, I didn't even close my laptop or tilt it away from my bed. I remembered being so horny after talking to Matt, because he was wearing my favorite flannel of his and he just looked extra good that day. Plus he had just woken up from a nap, so his voice was all tired sounding. I did have some fun with myself that night. I couldn't help it, Matt looked so hot and had turned me on so much. I was mortified, thinking about how many times I had moaned his name or even more humiliating things, like how his tongue would hypothetically feel or about how bad I needed his cock in me. I thought about how many times I had edged myself that night with my vibrator to the thought of him tying me up, getting on top of me, and pounding me senseless.

"Dude. No fucking way," I said, blushing hard and burying my face in my hands. Matt looked ashamed, "I'm so sorry. I couldn't help myself. It was like something took over me." Tears of shame started to well in my eyes. The humiliation and the sexual frustration were starting to blur together, to the point that I no longer knew which one I was feeling. "Don't be embarrassed, sweetheart. I'm the gross pervert who shouldn't have stayed and watched," he smirked.

"Well I can't judge you too harshly because if you hadn't caught me watching you a few minutes ago, I would've done the same thing," I said, biting my lip and nervously giggling. "Would you have watched until I busted all over my hand?" He devilishly grinned at me. "Yes," I whispered. "Well that's why I put on this little show for you, to return the favor," he moaned again, still pumping away at his shaft. "Oh fuck, I can barely hang on," Matt whimpered, looking up at me, his blue eyes practically begging me to suck him off.

As if I had no control over my body, I fell to my knees in front of him. He stopped stroking it and angled it towards my face, silently asking me to accept it into my mouth, and I did. "Oh, good girl," he softly moaned, moving his hand to the back of my head and gently pushing it down. He let out a loud groan as he hit the back of my throat and it elicited a gagging sound from me, "Yes, please, choke on it," he cooed, holding my head down for a few seconds. He released my head, and he started reaching for my chest. He slipped his hand under my shirt, and I felt his cold ring graze my nipple. I used my left hand to run up and down his length while I flicked my tongue over the tip. He smiled at me as he watched my tongue dance across his skin. "You're doing so good making me feel like that with your mouth," he muttered. I could feel him throbbing against my lips and I sucked on the tip every time I slid my mouth back up his length. He kept eye contact while I did this as if he'd die if he missed a single second of watching what I was doing. This made me even more wet.

"I dont think I'm gonna last much longer," Matt said, breathlessly. His eyes started to glaze over, and I watched his mouth fall open as he let out a few final glorious sounds. He put his hand on the back of my head again and started fucking my face. "Swallow for me, princess," Matt whimpered. I felt his whole body tremble, and he shot his load onto the back of my tongue. He let out one last guttural moan that I was sure would wake Chris and Nick. Matt leaned back, out of breath, looking disoriented but well-satisfied.

I started to stand, but Matt pulled me on top of him so I was straddling him. His still mostly erect dick felt so good pressing between my legs. He pulled me in for a kiss, tasting himself on my lips. All that separated us were my thin pair of shorts and my panties, I couldn't help but to start grinding against Matt's lap. "Mmmm, needy girl," Matt whispered into my ear while I rolled my hips in circles.

I was humping him like a dog in heat, and I could already feel myself getting close when he suddenly stood up, gripping my ass, and laid me down on the couch where he previously sat, so that we were now in opposite positions. Matt looked into my eyes while he slowly pulled my shorts off my body. He spread my legs open and started leaving a trail of kisses on the inside of my thigh. Every time he'd get close to my tender core, he'd tease me and skip over it. I couldn't keep my eyes off him and where he was putting his mouth. After teasing me for what felt like an eternity, he moved my panties to the side. I watched as he lowered his mouth but instead of making direct contact with my aching center, he blew hot air over my clit, as if he were fogging up a window with his breath. "Please..." I begged him, watching his tongue get close to my bundle of nerves but then pull back, driving me crazy. My hips bucked forward trying to coax his tongue to meet my clit, but he grabbed my hips and pushed them back down against the couch. "Not yet, angel. You gotta tell me what you want, and you gotta beg for it," he whispered. "Please please please. Please eat me," I pleaded with him. "How bad do you want it?" He sneered. "More than anything. Please lick my pussy please please please.." I mewled. "Keep going," he whispered, taking his finger and tapping it against my sweet spot. "Fuck Matt I'm begging. Please make me cum on your tongue," I pleaded once more. I watched his expression change to one that was much darker and much more devious. I could tell he fucking loved the pathetic writhing mess I had become, asking for him to show me some kind of mercy.

"I suppose I've kept you waiting long enough..." He said, and his lips engulfed my sensitive bud. I let out a sigh of relief as he worked his magic on me. He looked up at me as I watched his tongue flicking over my clit again and again, eliciting more soft whines from me. "You taste too good, princess. I could eat you for hours," he cooed. I felt an orgasm start to build deep in my core.

His praises, his mouth, the sound of his tongue lapping against my wetness... I was reaching my breaking point. Matt moaned with my clit between his lips, which sent electric waves throughout my whole body. The way he brought me to orgasm was like nothing I'd ever experienced before. Instead of being a quick and fleeting explosion, the feeling engulfed me for several seconds. I lost track of where the orgasm began and where it ended. I was shaking violently, moaning Matt's name over and over again, completely enveloped in endless pleasure. I nearly crushed Matt's head between my legs, but he seemed to relish in it. I could tell how much he loved making those sounds come from me. He cleaned me off with his tongue and looked up at me with a shiny smile. "Was it better than what you imagined the other night?" Matt bit his lip. I looked at him wide-eyed, still breathless, and slowly nodded. "Better than anything I've ever experienced."

[coffeeeinbed]

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.

date: 13th july, 2024 time: 1PM

coffee chat #2 ☕️

so i was at the airport today taking a flight from my college town to my home town since i’m spending this weekend with my family (more on those trials and tribulations another time) and i made a lil moodboard of my travel essentials.

i'm a terrible combination of my mothers anxiety and my fathers military grade need to speed through tsa as fast as possible, as if trying to break last times record, so it was a little bit of an emotional rollercoaster this morning, especially at 5 in the morning.

also lets talk about how disorienting it is waking up that early and having to pretend you are a functioning human being for the rest of the day...what is that about? it's only one o'clock, the afternoon has hardly started, but i've lived about a hundred lifetimes today and you're telling me i have to go through the rest of the day?

and i'm not a nap person. super unpopular opinion, but i find it more disorienting than waking up early in the first place. if you think i'm taking a nap on the plane, you're mental. do you know how dehydrating planes are? i lathered my face in hyaluronic acid and aquaphor this morning because i always feel like a prune upon my departure from the airplane air. and chugged 40 oz of water midair. i did pee in the piddly ass airplane bathroom for two minutes straight. so i'm tired but at least i'm hydrated.

now i'm blogging from my girl room and i feel like THE it girl right now. typing that into a tumblr textpost feels oxymoronic, but if this reaches the right audience, you know exactly the feeling.

i came to terms with the fact that i was non-binary in college, and i try to refrain from using "girl-blank" terminology to affirm my own identity, but my childhood bedroom is where i spent my formative years identifying as a girl and experiencing common girl problems, and so i will always regard it as such. so even though i am non-binary, girlhood will always be such an integral part of my identity.

i feel like that's a huge avenue that i could explore as an afab non-binary person, but that's a whole rabbit hole i don't feel like delving down right now. maybe someday we'll talk about it.

also upon trying to cultivate the ideal explore page, i've realized i have no good words to describe my aesthetic, which i find both to be something positive and an extremely frustrating experience. i really like pink, but in the lesbian way, specifically paired with orange and other warm colors. i'm obsessed with oranges in the poetry way, but also because it's my favourite colour. i love coffee and pretty beds, but i like sitting next to my perfectly made bed at my desk and i hate girl rotting. it makes me feel super unproductive and, for lack of better words, bleh.

essentially i feel like i haven't found my space yet. girl room, girl rot, and pink are very tumblr-esque, but they don't appear in the mediums that i find attractive on this platform. nor do i have the words to accurately describe the way that i can describe my aesthetic.

but again, this is something i find to be positive, because the hyper-categorizations of aesthetics has gotten out of hand. as a victim of this very culture, it's difficult not to self identify with a fleeting micro trend of an aesthetic and thereby shrink all the best and individualistic parts of yourself into a confined space of what you are expected to be based on the parameters of that so called aesthetic.

for me, i set my own expectations, and allow myself to be and just enjoy the things i enjoy. that's not to say that aesthetics, especially cultural ones, are not important. i think it's a good way to experiment with different fashion senses, hobbies, and interests, but for me, i feel much more myself when i'm just allowing myself to like the things i like without thinking of the way im perceived.

anyways, those are my thoughts for today. since i'm in my hometown, i'm spending time with my family, which i think will open my personal pandora's box of thoughts and feelings, so i will definitely be back to share more of my lucy-isms as the weekend progresses. <3

[musette22]

Hellooo, it's me, I'm alive! Sorry for disappearing again this weekend, I hope everyone had a great one! 💛 Mine was really really wonderful, so, time to overshare because I'm feeling all mushy and tired but happy. These past few days made me realize once again how lucky I am to have so many incredible people in my life 💕 I love them SO much and I'm so grateful they love me too, which sounds cheesy but it's true 😅

I don't think anyone particularly needs these, but I still want to share some of the stuff my friends and family have said and done this weekend just because they're pretty amazing and I kind of wanted to write it down to remember it (I'll put most of it under the cut though, because it got longer than I anticipated. whoops, who's surprised, not me either)

So my friend's little boy, who is three, got a little confused about pronouns while he was chatting away, and accidentally called me a 'he'. His mom gently corrected him like, "No honey, auntie Minnie is a she." And when he asked why, she said "Because Minnie feels like a she. What do you feel like?" And he gave it some thought and said "I think I feel like a he", so she said, "Well, there you go, we'll call you a he then! But if you feel like a she later on, or auntie Minnie feels like a he, then that's also okay. Does that make sense?" And he looked thoughtful for a second, said "Yep", and carried on playing.

Later that day my other friend picked up her almost one year old, looked at his little face and said "I'm pretty sure he's either going to be a construction worker or a drag queen. Maybe both." And then kissed his nose and told him she'd love him regardless of what he'd become.

I was talking to the husband of one of my friends (who is my friend too, but I knew her first), and out of the blue he asked me, "What kind of music do you like to listen to? I know you like Arctic Monkeys, but what else do you like?" So I told him I listen to a lot of 40s and 50s music, among other things, and then the conversation carried on. And then later that night, Billie Holiday suddenly came on, followed by Chet Baker, and it turned out he'd actually made a whole playlist of 40s music because he realised he'd been playing a lot of recent popular music during the getaway so far, and he wanted me to hear something I liked too

At some point I was talking to the husband of my other friend, and when he asked me whether I'd been seeing anyone lately, I kind of shrugged and told him that it isn't really a priority for me right now, that I'm not excluding the possiblity of dating or starting a family, but I'm not actively looking for it either. He just clinked his beer bottle with mine and said, "Cool, that makes a lot of sense. We don't all have to follow the same path in life to be happy, right?" And I was already grateful that he got it, but then he was quiet for a minute and said, "Shit, I'm sorry, I bet you're fed up with people asking you about dating and kids. It's literally no one's business but yours and I'm sure that if you ever want to talk about it, you'll let us know. I won't ask again."

At some point, my friend suddenly dropped down onto the couch next to me, put her arm around me and said "My god, I feel like we've only talked about kids all weekend, sorry about that." So I assured her I didn't mind at all (I adore those kids, I really do), and she was like, "Still, tell me about what you're reading right now, and while you're at it, please show me the cutest picture of Chris you saw this week," and then she spent a while cooing over my boys with me in return.

I was sitting next to my other friends' three year old little girl in the car on put way back from visiting a nearby castle, and she was super impressed and a little overwhelmed in that way kids have sometimes. She kept wondering aloud whether 'the princess' had been at home, and whether, if she'd ever meet her, the princess would want to be her friend. So I told her that of course the princess would want to be her friend, probably even best friends, and then she laughed and said "No silly, you're my best friend" and hugged me, and I kind of melted into a puddle

During brunch today, I was telling a story about how when I was jogging recently, I thought I was being followed by a guy on a scooter, and that I'd stopped to send my mom my location because I was genuinely a little scared. As it turned out, the guy just wanted directions, so I laughed it off and told the story as a joke, but then my brother frowned and said, "No, but it's not okay that you can't even go on a run without feeling scared just because you're a woman", and then told me he read an article recently about the precautions many women necessarily have to take whenever they go out or go on a date, like location sharing, or faking phonecalls, or bringing pepper spray, because we often fear for our safety in a way that men rarely have to. And then he said he'd never realised that before, apologised to me, his girlfriend and my mom on behalf of men in general, and said he wished we'd never have to deal with any of that

I was talking to my mom while we were on a walk, and she told me about an old friend she'd run into recently. So I asked her how they knew each other, and she proceeded to tell me a story about how in the 80s, they used to do sit-ins together to demonstrate for immigrants' and unemployed people's rights. When I asked her if she'd never been worried about getting arrested or anything like that, she just shrugged and said "Not really, because I knew that we were doing it for the right reasons and that was what mattered most."

Anyway, I know they're all little things and they should all be normal things, but I'm aware that they aren't always, or everywhere, or for everyone. And they just made me stop and marvel at how wonderful these people all are, big and small, how comfortable and at ease I feel around all of them, and how amazing it is that they not only exist and work to make the world a better place, but they also care about me in return. Like, not to sound like a hippie, but whoa, I'm feeling a lot of love and gratitude right now ❤️

[oblxvion]

euphoric | eren jaeger (1)

-> pairing: eren jaeger x f!reader

-> wc: 5.4k

-> warnings: use of marijuana, smut, praise kink, degradation kink, spit kink, oral (f and m receiving), fluff

you were stressed. it was almost the end of the term, and you had spent the past two weeks studying and prepping for your exams because you needed those grades. you had been slipping a lot in your classes but you managed to bring your grades up with the help of your good friend armin. he was extremely smart and honestly, without him, you didn't even want to think about what your grades would be.

“ugh, sasha, i can’t study any more.” you groaned, bringing you head down to into the vast sea of review that you had been going over as per armin’s request. “i need a break, i feel like my brain is going to fucking explode.”

sasha looked over up from her phone and laughed. “it’s gonna be worth it, i promise. once you finish these exams, you’ll be able to relax for a bit. do you wanna smoke later ‘cause we’re all getting together later at eren’s, i forgot to tell you.”

you hadn’t checked your phone in the past few hours so you didn't know that there were plans that had been made. 

you didn’t move your head as you contemplated the thought, it sounded like fun to see everyone and ignore the work you had for at least a bit. exams weren’t for another week and a half, so you should be fine.

“yeah, i'll come.”

“yay! i’ll text the group chat and let them know that we’re gonna leave at around 6.” she squeals as she grabs her phone and starts typing away a text that you soon receive as well.

“ok, i need to nap first. plus it’s like 4 so i’m gonna pass out for a bit.” you got up from the kitchen table and made your way over to your bedroom, beginning to get comfortable. “wake me up at 5.” you yelled so she could hear from her room.

“you got it.” sasha yelled back. you could tell that she said that with food in her mouth. 

“typical.” you chuckled as you felt your body drift off to sleep.

“y/n! hey! wake up! it’s 5:30. i lost track of the time.” sasha tried to shake you awake in which you grumbled in response. 

“ugh, ur so timely.” you joked as you made your way out of your room, and into the shared bathroom. wow i look like shit you thought to yourself as you turned from side to side trying to see all of what you looked like in your oversized sweatshirt and shorts.

there was not enough time for you to get ready to look at least presentable, but you felt gross so you turned on the shower and threw your clothes into your hamper. you put on some music because who showers without music and you made sure to shave because it had been awhile since you had and you wanted to feel clean.

once you had finished, you grabbed a towel and checked the time on your phone. 5:40. perfect.

“y/n, we have like 20 minutes,” sasha called from her room. “do you think you can be ready by then?”

“yeah, i just need to dry my hair and throw on some clothes and i should be good.” you said as you walked into her room, she was pretty much ready to go, and dressed in shorts and a baggy t-shirt. no one really dressed up for these sessions because everyone was already super comfortable with each other.

“ok i’m gonna go change, i don't know if i’ll have enough time to dry my hair though.” 

“you’ll be fine. plus, we can be a bit late, they wouldn’t start without us anyways.” she says with a smile as she puts on a sweatshirt.

you made your way back to your room and threw on a pair of sweatpants, a loose fitting tank top and your favorite pullover. as you made your way back to the bathroom to dry your hair, you found yourself stressing once again about your exams to which you took a deep breathe and reminded yourself that you needed to relax and this was a well deserved break. 

after you finished drying your hair, you quickly ran a brush through it, and put on some deodorant along with your favorite perfume.

“ok sash, i’m ready.” you called from the bathroom as you fixed your appearance for the last time. 

“perfect! i ordered us an uber because i don’t really wanna drive and i know you don't like driving high.” she says as she grabs the last of her things and we make our way out the door and to the bottom of our apartment complex.

“soooo...” 

you look at her as the uber pulls over to the side of the road. “so what?”

“have u been seeing anyone recently?” sasha looks over to you as she gets into the uber after you. 

“how could i? i’ve literally been studying nonstop. i wish though.” you say with a sigh. you had been so preoccupied with studying and getting your grades up that you haven’t had the time to see anyone except friends. “why do you ask?”

“oh, it’s nothing really. i was just curious, you know, being your roommate and all.” somethings up, she’s clearly trying to pick at something and this does not go unnoticed by you.

“ok,” you laughed and shook your head. “whatever you say.”

before you knew it, you both arrived at eren’s apartment complex. for some reason, you felt anxious. you knew the boys that were going to be there but you had this gut feeling that something was going to happen.

the two of you made your way up to his floor and knocked on his door which was opened almost instantly as if he were waiting.

“sasha!” connie exclaimed, embracing the girl into a bear hug. “hey y/n.” 

“hey connie.” you smiled in response. it was really cute how the two of them were so close, it’s almost like they were twins. you made your way into the apartment and saw jean and eren, arguing over god knows what.

“hey guys!” you say as you walked over to the two of them, hugging them both. 

“y/n! it’s been a while. how’s studying with armin?” jean asks as he pulls away from the hug.

“god. don't even get me started. i am in hell. armin’s being so helpful though.” you chuckle as you walked over to eren, who was looking at something on his phone but quickly shoved it away when he saw you coming towards him.

“hey y/n.” he says with his boyish smile as he pulls you into a side hug and you notice that his hand lingers for a bit longer than normal but you smile in response.

“so, can we smoke now that they’re finally here?” connie asks as it was very clear that he was getting impatient. 

“yeah, yeah, let’s go to the deck.” eren’s apartment had a deck with was extremely nice and over time, it had become the signature smoke spot for you guys. it had an outdoor couch and a few chairs along with a small table which was perfect.

you made your way to your favorite spot which was the right corner of the couch so you could be close to the edge of the balcony and look out at the view of the city. everyone had their signature spots, it was like an unspoken rule but everyone followed it. eren next to you on the couch, sasha, jean and connie in the three chairs on the opposite side of the table.

there were some blankets already outside along with a speaker that eren played some music on to set the vibe. 

“since you guys were taking too long, i rolled us a joint so we could smoke sooner.” eren said as he sat down next to you.

“aw, how kind.” you tease him as you nudge yourself against his shoulder, earning a chuckle from him. “dibs on first hit.” 

“aw, c’mon!” jean whined, knowing that you always give the blunt to eren right after you hit. 

“i get priority since eren is my best friend.” you smirk and wait for eren to say anything but he just laughs and shakes his head. 

you and eren had always been close ever since you started school. he even introduced you to everyone, which was the reason why you were here with them now.

eren took out his lighter and lit the joint and passed it to you. you took it between your pointer finger and thumb and took a long drag. 

oh how you had missed this feeling. the feeling of being high with your friends. you passed the blunt back to eren as he took a hit himself and you exhaled the smoke.

the joint was passed around the circle until everyone had gotten a good amount of hits and it was finished. you felt your high and you leaned back into the couch as you closed your eyes.

“tired?” 

you opened your eyes and looked over to eren who’s eyes were red, just like yours. “no, just relaxing. this is nice. i needed this.”

“yeah, i noticed. armin told me that you’d been really stressed lately so i texted asking if people wanted to smoke but you didn't respond so i assumed you were studying,” he says as he stretched his arms and placed them just behind your shoulders.

“thanks,” you laughed as you stared into his turquoise eyes only now noticing how pretty they were. you had looked him in the eyes before but this time it felt different and he felt it too. but your staring was soon broken by sasha’s wails of being hungry.

“there’s food in the fridge, i had takeout last night so there’s probably some leftovers.” eren nods his head towards the inside of his apartment. sasha stood up and made her way towards the food as connie followed her.

“hey! save some for me!” he yelled as he chased after her. all that was left was you, eren and jean. there was clearly some tension in the air but you decided to ignore it.

“ain’t no way i’m gonna be third wheeling right now.” jean huffed quietly and joined the two inside. 

third wheeling? you ignored it because jean obviously knows that you and eren are close friends, nothing more.

oh, how you were wrong.

eren looked over to make sure that there was no way for the others to see the deck and he moved his arm down towards your shoulder. you were shocked by this, but in a way, it was comforting. 

“y/n?” he asked staring off into the distance.

“hm?” 

he didn't respond so you took it upon yourself to look up at him.

“what’s up?”

no response once again.

your lidded eyes becoming heavy as he looked down at you with a tender look on his face. he leaned his face closer to yours until your noses were touching.

“eren?”

his lips connected with yours, igniting a feeling inside your chest that you had pushed away when you first became close. you melted into the kiss and kissed him back in a slow and sensual kiss. eren pulled back and tucked your hair behind your ear as he went back in for another kiss. you didn’t know what to do but the feeling that this gave you, it wasn’t like any other kiss you had before.

“wanted to do this for a long time.” he whispers and rests his nose on yours. 

you didn’t know what to say in response so you pulled him back for another kiss that was interrupted by the three of them coming back out onto the deck. you pulled away quickly, hoping that no one had seen what just happened. eren kept his hand on your shoulder, but no one had asked about it so you just let it slide.

it had been a few days since you had last seen eren. everyone was texting in the group chat about plans for the upcoming days but you had to study, or at least try to study. the kiss that you and eren shared had been replaying in your head ever since it had happened. you knew that he was high and he may not remember it, but it still bugged you and you had to know.

but most importantly, this kiss had sparked feelings inside you that you had pushed away so long ago and it was beginning to get hard to consume them. eren was constantly on your mind, and you couldn’t focus on your work. 

you needed to talk to him but you didn't know how because you didn't know that he had these feelings for you and you didn't know that you still had those feelings for him. you realized that you were ignoring these feelings that you had for him because he was your close friend and you didn’t want that to ruin your relationship.

it was driving you crazy. you needed to talk to him. 

you grabbed your phone and clicked on eren’s contact and called him. it didn’t even finish the first ring.

“hey y/n! what’s up? how’s studying?” he said and you felt your heart swell at him saying your name, which never happened before until now.

“hey, can you come over later? i need to talk to you,” you sigh. this is it, you need to know if he truly had those feelings or he was just playing with you.

“yeah, of course,” he stammered. “is everything ok?”

“yeah, everything's fine, i just wanna talk to you.”

“ok, i can get a ride now if you want me to.” is he eager?

you looked at the time and remembered that sasha was out with connie and jean so she would probably not be coming back tonight.

“actually, yeah, that sounds fine. see you soon, eren.”

“ok, i’ll text you when i’m close.”

“ok,” you ended the call and placed your phone down, taking your head in your hands. you’re overreacting right? he definitely feels for you, why else would he kiss you?

“i need to shower.” you said to yourself, trying to ignore the thoughts in your head.

as you got out of the shower, you heard your phone get a text, which you assumed to be eren. walking back to your room, you heard a knock at the door and you froze. you were still in a towel and debating whether or not you should open the door for him, which you did because you didn't want to leave him standing out there.

“hey y/n, oh,” he stops and looks you up and down. 

“sorry, i just got out of the shower.” you say as you open the door and motion for him to come inside. “can you just wait a sec while i go put some clothes on?”

“oh, uh, yeah. i’ll wait in the kitchen.” he looks around and scratches the back of his head nervously. his hair was tied back into a messy bun like usual and wearing gray sweatpants with a black shirt and his chain peeking out from under it. “you good?” he asked as he took off his shoes.

oh my god, was i staring?

“oh, yeah, i'm fine. i just spaced out a bit, sorry.” you chuckle nervously, tucking a piece of your wet hair behind your ear. “i’ll be right back.”

“take your time.”

you made your way back to your room and threw hung your town on your closet door as you looked for clothes to wear. you opted for a pair of pajama shorts and an oversized t-shirt that was sasha’s but for some reason, it was in your closet. once you had finished changing, you made your way over to the mirror that was across for your bed to make sure that you looked fine.

“ok, breathe.” you exhaled and opened your door calling for eren to come into your room.

he came into your room, still clearly feeling awkward about your interaction from before. “nice room, i like the led lights you have.” 

“thanks,” you laughed and sat on the bed, motioning for him to come sit next to you, which he did.

“so, what's on your mind y/n?” he asks, leaning up against the headboard and trying to get comfortable. 

“i don’t know, i've just been thinking about some things recently, and i can't seem to get them out of my head.” ok, good start.

“like what?” he looks over at you. oh no, don't look at me like that.

“the kiss we shared a few days ago, it’s been in my head on repeat.”

eren looks confused and looks towards your mirror, “is that a bad thing?”

“huh? i mean no, it’s not, i just don’t know what to do because these feelings have come back that i pushed away from when we became close because i didn’t want to ruin our friendship. but right now, it’s consuming me and i don’t know what to do.”

“well, i wouldn’t have kissed you without having feelings for you, y/n. i don’t know how you didn't notice it. i’ve been kinda bad at hiding it.” he said calmly as his gaze remained in front of the two of you. “but if you didn’t like it, we can just forget about it. i didn't mean to make you uncomfortable.” he turns to look at you once again. 

“no, i enjoyed it actually, but...” you trail off nervously, feeling your face becoming hot. you tried to turn away but his hand grabbed your chin and turned you back to face him. 

“but what?” he says softly, looking into your eyes which caused your heart beat to pick up. he thought it was so cute how you were getting so flustered by him.

“but i don’t want to be played...” you averted his gaze.

“y/n, i would never play you.”

you look back at him, now knowing the answer that had been bothering you for the past few days. it took all your strength to not kiss him right there but he beat you to it, closing the gap between the two of you. in that moment, all your worries had washed away, feeling content and glad that you had this conversation with him. the kiss soon escalated into you and eren sliding your tongues into the others mouth. you felt yourself getting hot once again but this time, a completely different reason. eren brought his hand that was on your chin behind your head, pulling you deeper into the kiss as you melted into his mouth once again, whimpering at the feeling. eren could feel it go straight to his dick that was now straining in his pants, trying to contain himself because he didn't know whether you wanted this or not.

“let me show you how much i care for you, yeah?” he says as he pulls away for a brief second. 

“eren, please,” you whimper as his lips met yours once again but this time with more passion. eren then moved so he was on top of you, caging you in his arms as he continued to kiss you. “i want you.”

“’want you too, baby.” the pet name going straight to your core. eren moaned as he moved from your lips down to your neck, gently kissing and sucking to leave a mark. he then placed his hands at the bottom of your shirt, looking at you as if he was asking with his eyes for permission to undress you, you nodded your head vigorously and lifted your hands up so he could take it off. 

“no bra? it’s like you’re begging me to fuck you, angel.” he then brought his lips down to your left nipple, gently sucking on it while taking the other between his fingers, moving it around earning a moan from you at the feeling. he then moved over to the right and did the same action. “you’re so beautiful.”

“ohmygod please, please,” you knew you sounded desperate, but you couldn't help yourself. you had been denying the fact that you had wanted this for so long.

“use your words, tell me what you want.” he groaned and came back up to kiss you, relishing in the feeling of your lips against his.

“’wanna feel you,”

“where, pretty girl?” he sat up at looked down at you with a smirk on his face, he knew where you wanted him but he wanted, no needed to hear you say it. 

“’want you inside me eren, please,” you whined arching your back so he could get the message. he chuckled and brought himself back down towards your sternum, placing wet kisses as he made his way down to the waistband of your shorts. 

“can i?” he looked up at you and immediately saw the approval in your eyes. “you don’t know what you do to me, do you?” you whimper at his remark, lifting your hips up in the process so he could take your shorts off easier to reveal your thong and the painfully obvious wet spot. he placed a finger on your slit, dragging it down slowly, teasing you.

“stop teasing me,” you whined, trying to prop yourself on your elbows but to caught up with the euphoric feeling that you couldn't. eren slowly took off your panties to tease you even more, and threw them behind him onto the floor.

“fuck, baby. this all for me?” he looked up at you with his jade green eyes meeting your e/c ones. he could feel the precum running down his shaft, struggling to keep his composure.

“yes eren, all for you.” your breath hitched as he spit onto your needy heat, bringing his tongue down to your clit, giving it a few kitten licks before he quickened his pace and wrapped his left arm around your leg to keep you in place, not once breaking eye contact. “fuck, keep doing that, holy shit!” you could feel him smirk against your core, and if it couldn't get any better, you felt a finger at your entrance before sliding in. “eren!” he felt so embarrassed to be rutting his cock against the bed but the noises you were making were sinful and he couldn’t help himself.

you began to feel your stomach tighten as he added another finger into your hole and picked up the pace. the sensation was incredible, the feeling of his tongue on your clit and the pace of his fingers going in and out of your pussy. your slick was dripping down his fingers, it was driving him crazy. he felt you tighten around his fingers, you were close.

“’gonna, ‘m gonna cum eren, please,” your release was so close, you just needed one more push.

“c’mon baby, cum for me.” he groaned against your pussy, sending vibrations throughout your whole body and you felt the coil snap. the moan you let out was pure sin and eren thought he was going to cum on the spot. “that’s it baby, good fucking girl.” as you got down from your high, you realized that he didn’t stop, you were sensitive, eren knew that but he needed one more from you.

“eren it’s too much, fuck,” you cry out as he brings his mouth back down to your heat and you can already feel yourself getting close again, and he could tell. you came even quicker this time, your juices gushing all over eren’s tongue. he lapped all of it up, not letting a single drop go to waste, and then taking his fingers covered in your slick into his mouth.

“you taste so good, i couldn’t get enough of you.” he whispers as he comes back up to kiss you. you could taste yourself on his lips and tongue. you reach down towards his throbbing cock, but he shook his head. “this is about you, baby.”

“please?” you look up at him and he couldn’t say no. he knew that he would not last long if you did as much as place your tongue on his tip. noticing that he didn't say anything, you took this as your chance. you flipped him over so that you were on top, and you could feel how hard he was. you grabbed the bottom of his shirt and helped him take it off, revealing his perfectly toned chest with chiseled abs. he threw the shirt to another place in the room, pulling you into another kiss shortly after. you moved from his lips down to his neck and down his chest stopping at his sweatpants to pull them down along with his boxers, revealing his swollen tip leaking with precum. he was larger than average and it excited you every bit. you smirked to yourself, and placed your lips on his tip, his breath hitched at the feeling.

you began to slowly drag your tongue down his shaft, maintaining eye contact with him, just like he did with you. you then took him in your mouth seeing how his legs tensed, you began to go even further. 

eren was trying so hard not to grab your head and push you onto his dick, afraid that he was going to ruin the moment with you and be too aggressive. you then took your mouth off with saliva connecting from his tip to your lips and then went back down taking him all in your throat before bobbing your head up and down, coming up for air while jerking him off. the sounds he was making went straight to your warmth, making you wetter by the minute.

“keep doing that, fuck y/n,” he groaned as his will vanished and he took your hair in his hands beginning to help guide you on his dick. he ran his hand through his hair and looked back at you, knowing that this image will forever be imprinted in his head. his legs tensed and you felt it, he was close. “fuck, i’m gonna cum, i’m gonna fucking cum.” he groaned as he shot thick white ropes of cum down your throat, you gladly took all of it and opened your mouth to show him that you did. 

“fuck, you did so good, so good.” he pulled you up towards him as you laughed into the kiss, and suddenly you were back on the bottom. “but now i’m gonna fuck this pretty little pussy, yeah?” he aligned himself with your entrance and your mind became fuzzy with the feeling of his tip right where you needed him most. he slowly pushes himself in but you didn’t need to adjust, and he began to move at a steady pace.

“oh fuck,” eren threw his head back at the sensation of finally being inside of you, the way your walls grazed his dick, pulling him back him. it was addictive, and he couldn’t get enough of it. “you feel so fucking good y/n.”

“fuckfuckfuck, ’m gonna cum eren.” the feeling came back embarrassingly quick but you didn’t care, the feeling was amazing.

“yeah? you’re gonna fucking cum? cum on my cock. cum on my fucking cock.” eren growled as his chain was in your face. hearing him be so demanding and aggressive set something off and you felt yourself release but this time it was different, arching your back at the feeling. eren was taken aback by the fact that he made you squirt, it was the hottest thing he had ever seen.

“that’s it, squirt all over my fucking cock.” he rode you out of your orgasm and continued to plow you into the mattress, picking up his pace. he was close but not quite there yet. you had taken into account that eren was aggressive in bed but he was being gentle with you at first, and you loved every bit of it. you wanted to make it more interesting. before you could even think, your hand met his cheek, and eren looked at you with a shocked expression but his eyes grew dark with lust. 

“fuck me like you mean it, jaeger.” you growled, hoping to get a reaction out of him. and oh boy, did it get a reaction.

“yeah? fuck you like i mean it?” he slapped you across the face, and then grabbed your cheeks and spit into your mouth. “swallow it.” if you thought you couldn’t get turned on anymore, you were so wrong. you rutted your hips against his, moaning at the sensation. this side of you was so different, and eren fucking loved it. he grabbed your throat, squeezing it and making you look him in the eyes as he fucked you with force.

“look at you, never knew you could be such a slut.” the name made you clench around him like a vice, earning a groan from him. “taking my cock so fucking well.” the feeling of you tightening around his cock for the 2nd time that night was making him lose his mind, he wasn’t going to last any longer and he knew that you weren’t either. he brought his hand that was around your neck down to your neglected clit and began rubbing circles as his pace became erratic. he was so close and so were you, but he needed you to come with him, he had to feel that feeling again. 

“fuck, i’m so close baby. fucking cum with me,” he moaned as he brought his head to your neck, you brought your arms and wrapped them around him, bringing him closer to you. before you could even comprehend, you released your juices, spraying all over his pelvis as he came shortly after you, painting your insides white. he stilled, trying to catch his breath but to his shock, you flipped him so that you were on top once again.

“not done yet.” you moaned as you began to grind yourself onto his cock. eren still so sensitive from his past orgasm that he was barely holding on by a string. seeing you on top of him, the way your breasts bounce and the way you look from this angle is driving him insane. he knows that he’s not going to last like this, the way you’re riding him, he grabs onto your hips and guides you.

you’re so overstimulated, you can’t even think straight. eren is trying so hard not to cum before you, but your pussy is milking him dry and before he knew it, he came inside you once again, legs shaking from the overstimulation. you lifted yourself off him and began to frantically rub your clit as you squirted all over his chest and pelvis. eren stared at you in awe, the way you looked like when you came and knowing that it was from him was a huge boost to his ego.

you finally collapsed onto his chest, trying to calm your breathing as he wrapped his arms around you. the both of you basked in this silence, thinking about the sex you just had.

“hope i wasn’t too rough, i kinda got carried away.” eren chuckled as he ran his fingers down your back, earning a laugh from you.

“no not at all, i really liked it actually.” you looked up at him, placing your chinos his chest. 

“I'm glad, been wanting to do that for a while,” he paused, as if he was looking for the right words to say. “i really like you, y/n.”

your heartbeat quickened, and you gave him a quick peck on the lips. “i really like you too, eren.” you blushed, “stay the night.” you didn't have class the following morning, so it was fine.

“ok, will do.” he squeezed you tighter, and you utterly being exhausted, you felt yourself drift off to sleep. eren gently moved you over and walked into the bathroom, finding a small towel and cleaning you and himself up. he grabbed you a new pair of underwear from your closet and the his shirt on the floor, dressing you before he put his sweatpants back on.

you felt the bed dip and a pair of arms bring your back to his chest and press a kiss to your cheek.

“’night y/n.”

© all content belongs to oblxvion 2021, do not repost or change.

[sergeantbuckybarnes]

serendipity // bucky barnes

PART TWO

Summary: You end up stuck in 1942 without a way to come back, but when you meet the young and charming version of Bucky Barnes, do you really want to go back to the present?

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Word count: 1.9k

Warnings: mentions of cheating, reader is a bitch, sad bucky, angst, fluff, lack of ‘40s knowledge

A/N: As always, please remember English is not my first language. Also, thanks to @coffee-books-music​ for proofreading this!

divider by @firefly-graphics​

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Red. Everything went red. Your vision blurred as a flame curled in the pit of your stomach. You enter the building with a firm step, walking through the hallways, anger building inside you, trying to take over the sadness you didn’t want to feel. Your phone vibrated in the pocket of your jeans, you reach for it only to see the name of your sister on the screen. Memories weighed down on you, but you would not allow yourself to break down anymore. Instead, your heart turned ice cold and slunk into the shadows as your brain took complete control. You screamed in frustration and threw the phone against the nearest wall. How dare she call you? You took a deep breath and tried to calm down.

“Are you okay?” a voice called from behind you. You turned to face a man you had never seen before. He was tall, with long dark hair for his shoulders and piercing steel-blue eyes. His face changed once he saw you, going from worried to shocked.

“Y/N?” he asked cautiously, his voice was so soft, with a hidden hope you didn’t catch on.

“Do I know you?” you asked, not really caring for him, but getting annoyed for how he was looking at you.

“Is it really you?” he asked again, not believing what his eyes were seeing. Maybe so much brainwashing had really messed with him.

“Look dude, it’s really not a good time,” you wanted to leave, but he grabbed your arm, not forcefully, but with enough force for you not to have the chance to leave. You yanked your arm from his grasp and realized that where his left arm was supposed to be, there was, instead, a metal arm. Who the fuck was this guy?

“Don’t touch me,” you rebuked. Waves of fury rolled off you as the blood rose to your cheeks. The term anger barely even touched the tip of the volcano that you so clearly were in that moment.

He took a step back, not wanting to upset you even more, but he could not help himself, he needed to know if it was really you. He wished it was really you.

“Y/N, Bucky? What’s going on here?” the voice of Steve Rogers flooded your ears, and you let out a sigh of relief.

“Ask your friend,” you said before giving a not-so-friendly glare to the guy before picking the pieces of your phone and making your way to your room, leaving the men behind you.

You groaned in frustration against the pillow. You were such a bitch when you met him. There were times when your brain fries up. It was no excuse you know; you owned your behavior. It was like a trigger flicked inside you. Your emotions turned cold, fearful, anxious... You back away, flee or strike out at someone. Those are the moments where you’re not proud of who you are. You fail to be the warrior you were always told you were born to be. Instead, you show the frightened child within, damaged and afraid, the one still hiding from the monsters under the bed. You knew these are things you have to work on. You had spent so much time caring for others, pouring out love without measure, yet never receiving it in return. So like a stupid child, you hold out for love.

Now you understand why Bucky acted so weird around you that day in the compound. He remembered you. He remembered you from that night in the dance hall. But… how could he? It hadn’t happened yet. Well, technically yes, but at the same time, no.

“What are you thinking about?” Wanda pulled out from your thoughts, you turned your head to look at her.

“Nothing,” you lied.

“Y/N, we’ve known each other for a long time, I can tell when you’re lying.”

After a few minutes in silence you finally speak up, “I was thinking about the first day I met Bucky,” the tone of your voice betraying you.

“Y/N, you just find out your fiancé cheated on you with your sister. It’s normal you acted the way you did. You were angry.”

“And what about the other times?” you sat up and faced your best friend. “I had been nothing but mean to him.”

That morning you woke up later than usual so when you entered the kitchen, the breakfast was long gone. You groaned, you really needed a coffee.

“Sorry kiddo,” Tony patted your back before leaving the room. Sam and Steve made their way to the gym. Wanda and Nat were chatting on the counter, and the new guy was standing a few steps away from them looking at you. Again.

“Do you have some problem with me?” you asked annoyed, alarming the girls of your presence. They turned to look at you. “You are always staring at me.”

“S-sorry,” he muttered, tearing his gaze away from you. You rolled your eyes and made your way to your friends. “Here,” he offered you a mug of coffee. “It’s still warm.”

You looked at him confused, “You always drink a cup of coffee in the mornings, so when I noticed you weren’t coming anytime soon, I poured one for you in case you would come out later,” Nat and Wanda shared a smile on their faces, melting at how sweet the former winter soldier was being.

Your reaction was very different, though. “I want nothing from you,” and you left the kitchen, leaving the guy with a heartbreaking look on his face, and a shocking one on both of your friends’.

“You can do nothing to change the past, what has happened has happened. But you can change from now on.”

“You think I still have time?”

“You’ll have to try”

You had hurt Bucky so much; you took out all the anger you felt inside you on him. It was unfair. No matter how badly you treated him, he always sent a smile your way, he had been nothing but nice to you. You were a horrible person.

Everyone had their reasons for being how they were. Some people get past their troubles and grow mature, others get stuck in a sort of basic mode of fear and reactions, loving responses becoming absent or portioned out for personal gain. You were the latter type.

This had been the ninth time you checked to see if Wanda was really asleep. You felt like you were sixteen again and you were sneaking out of your house to meet your boyfriend. But you needed to go to the dance hall, needed to see if he would still be there.

You made the pillows form the shape of your body and covered them with the duvet, and you tiptoed out the room.

You walked through the Brooklyn streets one more time, those streets, so familiar but at the same time, so different to you. You spotted the dance hall you were in last night. The night where you met Bucky, and you danced with him…. you kissed him. Immediately, you felt the heat rising to your cheeks when you remembered the feeling of his soft lips on yours. You. brushed your thumb across your lips and a smile crept its way across your face.

You searched through the club, looking for the soldier. What if he wasn’t here tonight? What if he had already met someone else, and he’s dancing with them? You disliked the pit that formed in your stomach when your head was clouded with the thought of Bucky with someone else, holding them the same way that he had held you, showing them that beautiful smile of his….. his lips on someone else’s.

“Looking for someone, doll?” you turned around at the sound of his voice, even though you hastily left last night with no explanation, he didn’t seem mad about it, his face still plastered the same smile.

“H-hi.”

“You’re going shy on me now, doll?” he asked, “What happened the previous night? Never had a dame running away from me so fast,” he joked.

You chuckled lightly, “Sorry.”

“It’s fine, no worries,”

The same song that you danced to last night started playing, your eyes caught a few couples starting moving to the music. When you turned to look at Bucky again, he had his head tilted to one side and a hopeful smile playing on his lips.

You stretched out your arm to him, “Shall we?”

He didn’t think twice and took your hand in his. “So, what made you come back?” he asked. His hands were on your hips and your arms wrapped loosely around his neck, just like last night while you swayed to the music.

“I wouldn’t miss the opportunity to dance to our song one more time.” you were feeling pretty bold, and you liked it, and by the grin forming on Bucky’s face, you were sure he liked it too.

“Our song?”

You hummed. “That’s our song. So you can’t dance it with anyone else,” you replied, “Just me.”

He chuckled, “I have no problem with that, doll.”

As you both kept swaying to the music, you leaned towards his body and let your head rest on his chest. You felt the way his heartbeat quickened and smiled, knowing you were the cause for it. All of your thoughts stopped. It was like your heart took over your head when you were with him. You realized that you never felt this way when you were in Jake’s arms.

You wanted a love that was passionate and determined, fire with earth, yet was also a serenity soul that you could dwell in forever. When the song finally ended, you felt his intense gaze on you, and your insecurity took over, “Is everything okay?” you asked looking at him.

“If I kissed you now, would you run away from me again?”

You laughed, and shook your head, “No, not again.”

“Promise? Because my heart wouldn’t be able to handle it again.”

You looked into his blue eyes, and you cursed yourself for not realizing before how beautiful his eyes were… every piece of him was beautiful. He was a masterpiece. You didn’t answer his question, but instead, you stood on your tiptoes and closed the gap between the two of you before he could say anything else.

“I’m telling you, it’s her.” Bucky was losing his nerves to the disbelief of his best friend.

“Buck, it’s been over 80 years, there’s no way it’s her.”

You were the exact same replica of the woman that stole his heart back in 1942 in that dance hall. It was you. He was sure about that. No matter how crazy it would have sounded.

If he and Steve were still here, why couldn’t you be too?

“Alright, then why didn't she recognize you?” Steve wasn’t trying to be mean, he knew his friend really loved that girl since the second she bumped into him. But he also knew that the chances of it being the same person were slim. Maybe you were her granddaughter. But that wasn’t an option Bucky could consider.

“I don’t know,” the soldier didn’t have an explanation for that. Maybe they had brainwashed you the same way they did with him and you forgot about your past… about him? If that was the case, he would try his best to make you remember. “But I will not lose her again.”

He wouldn’t give up on you. Not again.

[arhvste]

next stop iwa-chan!

“i traded a thousands nights, for just one with you, i been catching feelings over you and i hope you catch them too, i been going crazy over you and i hope you’re crazy too”

CHAPTER CONTINUES UNDER THE CUT

the boy was good in the kitchen to y/n’s surprise as he helped expertly cut vegetables and help cook them off while y/n boiled the noodles and fried the meat.

even though it was something that should've been a normal thing to do, both y/n and iwaizumi couldn't help but feel butterflies inside at the thought of doing something domestic together in the comfort of one of their own homes. the idea of what it would be like to be married even entered iwaizumi’s head for a brief 5 minutes before he shook it off and reminded himself that they were taking things slow.

y/n on the other hand knew that iwaizumi had wanted to take things slow because of a previous bad relationship. she didn't know the ins and outs of what had happened and she didn't want to pressure him to tell her, but she too was beginning to struggle with suppressing her feelings. she would tell herself it was nothing more than a crush but she knew she’d be lying. she genuinely liked the boy and she was in deep, not that she’d ever admit it out loud though.

40 minutes later and the cooking was done as the two admired their work.

y/n laughed as she brought the crockery over to the dining table.

“this was a team effort, if it tastes bad that's all on you.”

“this was a team effort, if it tastes bad that's all on you.”

they sat down and said their thanks before beginning to eat.

iwaizumi was warm on the inside. eating something they had made together only made his heart pick up the pace a little.

he stopped to glance at the girl in front of him who looked as if she was enjoying her meal.

he’d called her pretty before just as a general compliment as form of teasing but she really was beautiful. the fact that he began to like her even before he had a clue of what she looked like fuelled his fondness of her.

it wasn't even just her appearance that had him hooked, y/n wasn't like any other girl he’d met before. he was an attractive guy, he knew this, he had girls approach him in the past but none of them really took his interest and iwaizumi found himself having to consciously speak politely to them. it wasn't like that with y/n though. she could take his banter and give it back just as quick, she wasn't judgemental and didn't push him to talk to her about things he didn't want to.

“i know you said you wanted something pretty to look at but now you’re just straight up staring.”

iwaizumi snapped out of his gaze and locked eyes with a smirking y/n.

“can’t help it when you look the way you do.”

y/n let out an airy laugh as she began to clear up the table and leave everything in the kitchen as they finished, iwaizumi following behind carrying other pieces to bring back to the kitchen.

“we can just chat on the couch or something, i don't know what’s on tv right now, netflix won't work cause the wi fi’s down.”

“so no netflix and chill then?”

y/n turned to the boy and gave him a serious look.

“best behaviour remember?”

“yes ma’am.”

the two sat on the spacious couch and relaxed into the soft furniture.

a casual conversation picked up between the two and they found themselves laughing and chatting carelessly as the hours drained away. time would fly past whenever the pair were together, both of them secretly wishing the hours were longer.

it was now 11:48pm and the atmosphere was nowhere near empty between the two. without even realising, they’d inched closer and closer as they spoke until y/n found her knees touching iwaizumi’s. she smiled as she noticed. she naturally gravitated towards his personality and now it seemed she naturally gravitated towards him physically too.

“what are you smiling about?”

“you.”

“me?”

“yeah you. you make me smile.”

iwaizumi blushed slightly at the girl’s blunt words.

even though they hadn't even known each other for even a month, iwaizumi felt like he knew the girl, like he’d been with her for years, she was so easy to be around and let his guard drop a little.

“hey thanks.”

y/n raised an eyebrow and looked up.

“for what?”

iwaizumi sighed quietly and took y/n’s hands into his own.

“for being patient. i know i said i wanted to take things slow but you really do make me happy. my last relationship was... difficult. it didn't end well and it was toxic from the start i should've seen it coming. you make me want to give relationships a second chance.”

the girl gently squeezed iwaizumi’s hands as he looked into her pretty eyes.

“again, i won't ask you what happened, i’ll let you tell me in your own time, but for what its worth, i will never make things difficult for you.”

to this, iwaizumi laughed.

“it’s a little late for that y/n.”

“how?”

the boy looked away before edging towards y/n a little closer.

“because, all these emotions you make me feel, they’re almost foreign to me, it’s difficult for me to understand them.”

so that was it.

“if i’m the one making it difficult, then let me help make things easier.”

y/n pulled herself into iwaizumi’s lap and cupped his face while staring into his wide eyes softly. she ghosted her fingers over his cheek bones and hummed in satisfaction at his defined features. Iwaizumi’s hands hand snaked around her waist securing her in her position.

y/n sighed lightly before leaning in and grazing her lips over iwaizumi’s tickling his slightly. sick of holding back iwaizumi couldn't take the anticipation any longer. swiftly removing one arm from around her waist, he cupped one hand on y/n’s cheek and pulled her down on to him pressing a firm and desperate kiss to her. she gasped in surprise and iwaizumi took this opportunity to deepen the kiss with nothing but a need for y/n to feel the emotions he had been holding back from her.

y/n moved her hands and wrapped her arms around his neck as the kiss turned lazy but still full of emotion. a soft, pure love was translated through the kiss as y/n began to pull away to catch her breath only to press soft and delicate butterfly kisses to the boys face.

“did that make things any easier?”

“i was trying to be on my best behaviour and you ruined it.”

y/n hummed as she pressed one last kiss to him before resting her head into his chest.

“you’re glad i did really.”

iwaizumi wrapped his arms around y/n pulling her closer into him.

“that did make things a little easier though.”

y/n looked up and smiled.

“good. sometimes i’m not sure if i’m always getting what i’m feeling across to you properly, that seemed like a good way to do it.”

“if that’s your way of telling me your emotions i may have to act even more insensitive.”

the girl laughed and playfully slapped the boy’s arm before cuddling back into his broad chest.

“minus 2 y/n points.”

“i like you. and not even just a little bit anymore.”

yeah, the two wanted to take things slow but maybe bokuto and the other’s were right. if it was meant to be then things just couldn't be forced to slow down. y/n and iwaizumi had crossed paths in such a spontaneous way, neither could even think to prepare for what emotions would flood when they had started to get involved with one another.

“i won't ask you to be my girlfriend, not just yet, there's still things i want to learn about you, for you to learn about me, but believe when i say i want to be serious about you, i want to try with you, i want you. just give me a bit more time but i promise some day soon, you’ll be my girl but i want to be the best i can for you and right now i’m still figuring things out. i want you when i’m happy with myself.”

y/n couldn't help but let the glowing smile on her face break out.

“a little selfish aren't we?”

“yeah i am, only for you though.”

y/n loosely wrapped her arms around iwaizumi’s neck before looking into his sincere and genuine eyes.

“well, when you’re happy with yourself and have things figured out, i’m yours for the taking, until then, let’s figure this all out together at our own pace. it’s clear neither of us want to force things to go at a slow pace but naturally i agree it’s best we learn a little more about each other before making anything official. i like you and i know you like me, we have all the time in the world to stick a label with commitments on us so i don't mind taking things as they come.”

iwaizumi let out a sigh of relief as he pulled y/n into his chest as he pressed a soft kiss to the top of her head.

“you know, maybe i am glad shittykawa decided to bother you at the train station that day.”

“yeah? i’m glad too.”

enough had been said between the pair. they weren't ready for an actual relationship just yet, but iwaizumi felt excited about the idea of eventually getting to call y/n his officially. all he had to do was get rid of his insecurities and doubts from his last relationship so he could be the best version of himself for the girl who makes him want to do that. he had spent hours wondering if y/n felt the same unexplainable emotions as he did and tonight he knew he could rest easy knowing that she was in just as deep as him.

he was catching feelings over her and he’d hoped she’d caught them too.

whatever stars had heard his wishes, he said a silent thanks as the two drifted off to sleep there on y/n’s couch limbs tangled together.

this was only the start, but both of them slept with a few butterflies in their stomachs as they dreamt about what was yet to come, pulled in close together as they slept under the clear twinkling stars above the skylight in y/n’s apartment.

-

next stop iwa-chan!

iwaizumi haijime x reader

masterlist

an - both y/n and iwa are in deep

akaashi’s playgroup || two pretty setters and co

part 17 - admit it

part 18 - i hope u catch them too

part 19 - whatever we are

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[statticscribbles]

Empathic Synesthetes Pt 5

Summary: Bucky/Reader Pt 5; Reader is an Empath and manages to misread the Winter Soldier’s emotions

The night of the charity party arrives, although you’ve spent half the morning being dragged around for a fitting and then for a last minute sparing session. You refuse to admit the calming effect throwing Clint into the mats has on you; but you fully endorse the warm shower he advises after words. It’s Steve that shows up to escort you down to the rest of the party. “Captain.” You laugh into your hand as he over dramatically bows.

“As the leader I’ve been chosen to escort you down to the party. Since it’s your first official one as an Avenger. Also Natasha is busy buttering up some investors. So she sent me to make sure you actually show up in a dress, which looks lovely.” “Thank you, she told me I had to wear green, cause it made my eyes look pretty.” “Ah, she’s right.” Steve smiles and you follow behind him into the elevator. “When we get out smile, people will be sneaking photos for the first few minutes.”

“Thanks for the warning.” You smile as you step out of the elevator, trying to push down the wave of emotions that hit you. Excitement and awe are the first you feel, but slight spikes of confusion and annoyance filter in as you make your way around the party. You stop and chat with Clint and the group of people he’s gathered. One of the men asks you to dance and as he walks you onto the dance floor you feel a spike of jealousy. You ignore it, letting the man lead you around and laughing at the jokes and small talk he makes. The jealousy grows harder to ignore but you feel the familiar heat as a trickle of anger brushes the back of your mind.

You see Bucky frowning from the corner of your eye, the man excuses himself and returns to his wife as you make your way over to Bucky, unsure as to why the jealousy is getting stronger the closer you get. You’re standing in front of him about to ask what’s wrong when Sam asks you for a dance. He shoots a smirk to Bucky and leads you back to the floor. As you walk back to the dance floor you can feel the jealousy far stronger and the anger picks up as well. You can feel the smugness pouring off of Sam and question him about it.

“Just proving a point Y/N, that’s all. Nothing for you to worry about.” You can see Bucky dancing with Natasha and she winks at you. As the dancing comes to an end you find yourself next to Natasha again. “Nat, I know you and Bucky have a history, so I don’t want to make things awkward, but was he ever angry with you? Did he ever tell you why?” “You want to know if he talks about you right?” “What? No! I just want to know why he’s so angry with me, I thought you might know something is all.”

“Steve would be a better person to ask. He grew up with him. All Bucky is to me is my teacher.” Her smile is strained and you keep quiet about the regret and ache of betrayal you feel. You offer her a drink and she gladly accepts the buzz of the alcohol loosening her normally fixed lack of emotions. She brings you around to another group of people carefully introducing you to the different men and women who donate yearly to the different charities Tony sponsors. “I think it’s just wonderful the Memorial hospital opened up a mutant friendly ward. It’s so generous for Mr. Stark and the Avengers to support those kinds of people.”

“Of course they would, most of the Avengers can be classified as Mutants by the standards most people use.” Natasha smiles brightly and you watch amused at the anger she suppresses. The anger she feels is what you’re used to, cold and cutting it chills you slightly. You can feel a bubble of warm anger at your back and you turn to see Bucky standing. You eye him up and down taking in his fitted suit and your eyes lingering on his green tie that matches your dress too perfectly.

“Would you care to dance?” The usual anger you feel has been pushed back replaced by nervousness and excitement as you nod, taking his offered hand. “I would love too. Nat’s boring.” He laughs a little, pulling you closer as he spins you in circles. “I’m afraid all I know are dance’s from the 40’s” “I know they didn’t just waltz in the 40’s Barnes, I’ve read a history book.” You smile as you feel embarrassment flare up. “Maybe I just like slow dancing.” You nod letting his arm tighten on your waist as he moves you around the floor.

“Bucky, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable but I’ve noticed how you feel when I’m in the room, it’s kind of hard to miss actually,” You pause noticing his face pink and his breathing pick up. You feel the nervousness return, fear trickling in as well. “I just, I want to know why, I deserve to know why Bucky, please be honest with me.” You’re staring him straight in the eye and you try to push the calm you feel onto him. “Why do you hate me?” You duck your head as he stumbles slightly. “I what?”

“You hate me, well you’re always angry when I’m in the room. It’s suffocating really. The heat from it, it’s impossible to ignore, the other day when I was training with Nat, it was like you slapped me. I just, I’m tired of it Bucky, I don’t mind you hating me I don’t mind avoiding you if that’s what you need I just deserve to know why.” He pulls you over to the side of the floor, pressing you closer to the wall he leans over you. The nervousness is gone, and his anxiety is down to barely anything but you can’t seem to squelch the ever-present anger he feels. “Y/N, doll, listen, I’m not angry with you, I swear it’s not anger and know I can’t-“ You nod smiling up at him.

“I believe you, remember I can tell if you’re lying, most people feel shame from it. I’m not upset, just really confused now, cause I know it’s anger.. It’s too warm and intense to be anything else.” Bucky nods slowly and backs away as Sam swoops in once again. “Y/N was Buck bothering you again?”

“No Sam it’s alright, I’m fine. I’m probably going to head back to my room though, I’m pretty tired.” Sam nods offering to escort you. You smile and turn to walk away with him. You feel the anger surge from Bucky, both warm and cold and you stumble. You turn your head slightly looking back at him worriedly and he tries to suppress them as well as the jealousy you can feel rolling off him in waves. “Sam, is Bucky jealous of me?” “Why on earth do you think that?” Sam laughs shaking his head. “Well he certainly feels jealous.”

“Of me, cause I’m walking you to your room.” You look at Sam confusion on your face. “He hates me though. Why would he be jealous of you getting to spend time with me.” “Does he hate you?” “Yes I can feel his anger! I know what anger is!” “When you first came here, remember how you couldn’t tell the difference between nervousness and boredom.” “They’re close emotions Sam, both are waiting for something to happen!” “Yes, couldn’t that be Bucky’s ‘anger’ at you?”

“Nothing else I know is that warm.” “Then learn more.” Same smiles gesturing to the elevator. “I should let you think, sleep well.”

Support My Writing?

[itsmionet]

Challenge accepted

Fake dating AU

Robert Baratheon is retiring from politics and the Lannisters throw a little retirement party. Out of courtesy and politeness, Eddard Stark forces his family to go. After a while, Joffrey starts poking fun at Sansa until Margaery sweeps in to save the night by pretending to date Sansa.

“So I’m standing there barefoot, my lasagne only mid-eaten, the car has caught on fire and my boyfriend is coming out of the portable toilet with a roll of toilette paper rolled up his torso-“

Sansa walked past Arya as fast as she could. She didn’t want to listen again to that unrefined story of hers. The first time she had to sit through that story had scarred her enough for life. She did not want to hear it ever again.

Sansa made her way over to the table where the drinks were being served. She hated the party. The only reason she was there is because her father had forced all Starks to go. ‘It’s important that we all attend. To show our gratitude to Robert for his services.’ Sansa could still hear Robb’s snort and Arya mumbling disgruntledly upon their father’s words.

This year Robert Baratheon retired from politics after nearly 40 years in the office. Everyone at the Stark household except for Ned had cheered upon the news, but their bliss had quickly faded away as soon as they learnt whose name was among the candidates running for the open position. The list was pretty dreadful as it were –with names like Baelish, Stannis and Euron Greyjoy– but when you added Joffrey to the bunch, it only made it that much worse. And because Eddard Stark had a place on the council, he had been invited to Robert’s retirement party, which the Lannisters pretty much singlehandedly organised, aided with the Tyrells’ money.

Sansa poured herself a double whiskey and downed it all in one go. The drink burnt her throat but in a pleasant way. She sighed contently whilst filling her glass up again.

“Thought I’d find you by the alcohol stand.” A voice called out from behind her. Sansa pursed her lips together and clutched her glass tightly in her hand. “You picked up that trait from your father, surely.” Cersei Lannister chuckled dryly as she stood alongside Sansa. She didn’t cast her even once glance before she grabbed the closest bottle of wine and emptied it all on her glass.

“Nice party.” The redhead forced a smile on her face but she knew Cersei could see right through her. Not that she particularly cared, but she still had to put on a façade for her father’s sake.

“Oh, is it? You’ve barely been here for 10 minutes, most of which you’ve spent drinking my alcohol.” Cersei had drank half glass by the time she turned to face Sansa. Once she did, she looked at Sansa up and down, as if searching for something in particular.

“You can scarcely call it ‘your alcohol’ when it’s meant for the guests, can’t you?” Sansa flashed the blonde woman her brightest smile, albeit it was a fake one. Both women knew. Still, they both had to keep up the appearances.

“Hmm, I see that, unlike your dress, your boldness has grown larger.” The redhead was wearing a navy blue cocktail dress, with a golden strip on both shoulders. She’d found the exact dress that combined perfectly sophistication with a hint of sexiness. It was cut right above her knees, which meant it was short enough to be considered seducing, but still long enough to be an appropriate option to wear among her father’s colleagues. She completed the look with a pair of black heels.

“What can I say?” Sansa titled her head to the side casually. Her tone was polite and even borderline playful. “Time does wonders to a person, wouldn’t you say?”

“Indeed, it does.” Cersei tried to suppress the growl out of her voice, but she didn’t hide it quite as well as she would have wanted. “So” the woman scanned the room lazily when a thought popped into her head “is that uncivilised sister of yours around?” Cersei smirked, thinking she’d hit the nail on the head to get a rise out of the girl, but instead Sansa’s eyes lit up. She titled her head towards where Arya was standing.

“Hmm” she hummed “I believe she’s telling an uncivilised story to your kids.”

Cersei’s head couldn’t have spun faster. She looked across the room until her eyes landed on Arya. She was with Tommen and Myrcella and it seemed both kids were extremely enjoying themselves. Cersei didn’t like that one bit. Not only were her children getting along with a Stark, but by the hand gestures Arya was making Cersei knew that story was not for kids.

Before Sansa had the chance to add some witty remark, Cersei sprinted across the room to snatch Tommen and Myrcella away from Arya. The brunette blinked at the abruptness at which Cersei had taken the kids away, but she didn’t give it much thought and made her way to the alcohol stand instead.

Sansa grinned once Arya was by her side. “I take it Cersei didn’t like your story?”

Arya shrugged nonchalantly. “I don’t see why not. That story had everything: action, drama, suspense...”

The redhead chuckled and shook her head “I’m sure once you think it through you’ll know why she didn’t find it so amusing.”

“What about you?” Arya redirected the conversation as she grabbed another beer. Sansa was not entirely certain, but she could’ve sworn that was Arya’s fourth. “Anything I missed?”

“Not really. I only made small chat with Cersei.”

“Nothing with Cersei is ever ‘small chat’.” Arya puffed. “How much longer must we stay here?”

“I don’t know.” Sansa scratched her chin. “I believe Father wants us to stay at least long enough to hear Robert’s speech.”

Arya growled audibly at that. “Well, that’s gonna take forever then.” Sansa agreed.

Both sisters turned their back to the stand and looked at the attendants. There was Robb chatting amicably with Theon Greyjoy, who hadn’t been previously invited but Robb had essentially begged their Father to let the boy come and so after much pleading he’d reluctantly agreed. If only for Robb’s sake. His son had said Theon would be the only thing that would keep him sane for the night. Sansa believed Greyjoy would have the contrary effect on her brother, but she didn’t say anything. At least he had a friend to keep him company.

Then there was Jon, standing awkwardly in a corner. He was talking with some other boy Sansa did not know but he seemed comfortable enough around him so she was happy for him. And because of their young age, Bran and Rickon had been left at home with Hodor, their sitter.

Lastly, the remaining Starks, Ned and Catelyn, were stood next to Robert Baratheon himself. The man laughed loudly at something her Father had said and Sansa was glad that, despite being surrounded by Lannisters, Ned had found somewhat of a friend.

There were more people than Sansa would have expected, still she only knew a handful of them, half of whom were her own family. As for the rest, Sansa either straight up didn’t like them or didn’t deem none of them interesting enough to strike a conversation with.

“I’m gonna go pee.” Arya said, ever so ladylike. “If I haven’t come back in 5 minutes, don’t come looking for me. Presume me dead.”

“Ugh, please do come back instead of sneaking off with Gendy again!” Sansa called out after Arya as the brunette walked away. She didn’t know if her sister had heard her or not. She supposed she had.

Sansa sighed and finished her drink. She turned to the table and started to pour herself another one, already planning on joining Robb and Theon when someone came up beside her. Sansa prayed to the Old Gods that it wasn’t Cersei again.

“That’s a bold choice for a dress.” It was not Cersei who spoke, but at that moment Sansa wished it had been. “That’s too slutty even for you.”

Sansa turned around slowly, whilst displaying the fakest smile she’d ever put on. “Joffrey” she said lightly. “How are you?”

“Better than you, that’s for sure.” He snickered. “What’s up with the whore attire? It’s not like you’ve got someone to impress. Unless” his eyes gleamed in a way that made Sansa shiver “you’ve dressed up like this for me”.

“I’m afraid that would not be the case.” Sansa pursed her lips together. Being around Joffrey always made her feel uneasy, even while they were dating. There just was something that was not right with the boy. After everything that happened, Sansa believed she’d grown stronger but being there, alone with him, she felt every hair at the back of her head stand up. Her whole body already tensing.

“Oh?” Joffrey furrowed his brow, his tone growing unkinder by the minute. “What then? Are you trying to rig the elections by showing off your cunt? So that dear ol’ daddy will win? I hate democracy.”

“My Father is not even running for the position.” Sansa’s hand closed around the glass tightly. She was determined not to lose her temper if only for her Father’s sake. Even so, Joffrey was making that task very challenging for her.

“You’re doing it for me then?” Joffrey took a step closer to Sansa. His breath reeked of cheap vodka and Sansa had to suppress a grimace. She noticed the glass on his left hand was full, which meant that was not his first drink of the night. “You know, tonight after this, I could come pay you a little visit-“ He grabbed her arm forcefully as he inched even closer.

“Joffrey, don’t-“

“Sans, darling!” Both heads turned around and were greeted by the sight of one Margaery Tyrell, who has approaching them with a beaming smile. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you! You had me worried.” She hugged Sansa tightly and planted a soundly kiss on her right cheek as she withdrew away. Her eyes never leaving Sansa’s face. “What a beautiful dress! You look absolutely stunning.”

The fact that she’d completely ignored Joffrey made the boy furious. “Margaery” he called, malice dripping off his voice, but he tried to disguise as courtesy. Only he didn’t fool anyone. “I was not aware you were coming.”

Finally, Margaery looked at the boy. She smiled easily at him, as if she was actually pleased to be talking to him. “Oh, I would’ve arrived sooner, but Grandmother ran into an old friend of hers by the entrance and we were held back a few minutes.”

“I see.” Joffrey nodded his head. He didn’t match Margaery’s smile, opting instead for a scowl. He had planned to have his fun with Sansa for a while longer, but it didn’t look like Margaery would be leaving them alone anytime soon. Instead, the brunette slipped her arm around Sansa’s waist and pulled her flush against her.

Sansa for the life of her didn’t know what to make of it. Joffrey and Margaery were staring each other down, not saying a word, and the redhead felt as if the lion and the rose were silently trying to scare the other away.

“I’m sorry I had to make you wait for so long” Margaery told Sansa casually after some time, as if the latter had been actually waiting for her.

“Oh, it’s no problem.” Sansa smiled back at her. She realised Margaery’s smile seemed more sincere when it was directed at her, in contrast to the one’s she threw at Joffrey which –in Sansa’s opinion– appeared to be mocking the boy.

“I didn’t know you two were friends.” Joffrey spat at them. At that, Margaery actually threw her head back and so laughed loudly you’d think she’d just heard the greatest joke of all time. “Did I say something amusing?” He growled. Sansa could feel rather than see the tension between Joffrey and Margaery. She didn’t like it one bit and wanted so desperately to make it stop. But she didn’t know how to cut in. It looked like they were playing at a game Sansa did not know the rules of.

“Well, yes.” Margaery chuckled as her laughter died down. Then, she turned to Sansa right as Joffrey chose the worst possible time to try and end his drink in one go. “I thought you would’ve told him by now we’re dating.”

If Sansa hadn’t been so busy choking on air, she would’ve laughed at the way Joffrey accidentally spat out half of his drink on his clothes and his eyes bulged comically. Margaery noticed straight away Sansa’s confusion, so she took advantage of the fact that Joffrey was distracted drying the alcohol stains on his clothes and inched close to Sansa’s ear. “I can get rid of this little bastard in no time, just play along.”

Sansa nodded her approval and silently thanked her lucky stars for Margaery. She’d known the girl for a few years now, and ever since the beginning, she’d looked up at the older girl with such admiration. Everything about Margaery fascinated Sansa.

A couple of months into their friendship and Sansa was already enamoured with everything the brunette did. It wasn’t until Margaery casually told the redhead about her preference for women that Sansa’s mind began to wonder whether she had a shot with her. The thought scared her at first, back when she deemed herself to be as straight as an arrow, but as weeks and months passed, she realised she’d started to see Margaery in a different light. Or maybe it wasn’t a different light at all. Maybe her feeling had always been there but she had not realised it until then.

The thing is, ever since Sansa found out this new piece of information, she couldn’t help but notice every single little thing about Margaery. Like the way her nose would scrunch whenever she smelt something she didn’t like –like curry, smoke or gasoline– and the way she would close her eyes and breathe in contently when she smelt something she fancied –like roses, fresh pastries, the sea or Sansa’s perfume, although Sansa tried not to think too much about the last; lest she allowed herself to get her hopes up when she was certain a girl as stunning and perfect as Margaery wouldn’t notice a silly girl like herself.

Still, from time to time, she would let herself dream about what it would be like to be with Margaery, to be able to wake up next to her every day and be the reason behind her smiles and giggles, to be the first and last thing on her mind, to be the one Margaery wanted to spend her days and nights with.

It was Joffrey’s voice that brought Sansa out of her trance and back to reality. “You what?!” He was looking directly at Sansa as if she’d done him a great wrong. His face was bright red and his hand gripped too tightly on the glass. “Just when I thought you couldn’t be more disgusting, you do this.” He gestured at Sansa’s general direction, as if that would be explanation enough. “You dragged poor sweet Margaery into this fucking mess of yours. You perverted her with your deviating ways.”

Sansa had kept her cool this long and she had intended on doing so until Joffrey got bored and walked away on his own, but the very same moment he had demeaned Margaery like that was all it took for Sansa to snap at him. She took a daring step closer to him. “You talk to her again with such insolence and I promise you’ll regret it.”

“Oh, yeah? And what are you going to do?” Joffrey mocked.

“I’ll send Lady whilst you sleep to make sure you’re reminded of your place.” She gritted her teeth together.

“You, bitch.” Joffrey spat. “You can’t talk to me like that!”

“Of course I can” Sansa countered. Her blood was boiling and she felt like she was seconds away from doing something her Father would without a doubt chastise her later for. Still, she didn’t find it in herself to care. Not when Joffrey had insulted Margaery so blatantly. “If you knew what’s best for you, you’d walk the fuck away.”

Margaery widened her eyes and turned her head towards Sansa. It was the first time she’d ever heard the Northerner curse.

“Last time I saw you” the boy foolishly charged once more against the redhead, thinking he could still win the argument “you were dating that Bolton boy; so what happened that turned you into a dyke?” He snarled “Wasn’t his cock good enough?” Sansa didn’t know whether it was the remark or the laugh that came after that infuriated her most. She clenched her fists as her shoulders began to shake. It wouldn’t take long before she lost whatever remained of her composure. But Sansa had long lost interest in looking calm and collected, her sole attention being now focused on the boy.

“Pardon me” Margaery’s voice came out mellow and calm, but she was ready to throw hands. She let go of Sansa in order to stand between Joffrey and the redhead. She would’ve blocked Sansa’s view if it weren’t for Sansa’s height. Still, she intended on becoming some sort of human shield for the Northerner. “And who do you think you are to talk to my girl like that?” She took a defiantly step closer to the boy “she can dress however she pleases” another step “say whatever she pleases” another one “and date whomever she pleases.” Joffrey ended having to recoil a couple of steps back in order to maintain his balance. “Let this be the last time you disrespect Sansa, because so help me Gods, if I ever hear you say a single bad thing about her again I will hunt your ass down and beat you up so badly your own mother won’t recognise you.” Margaery was normally a very diplomatic and collected person, but Joffrey was managing to push every single one of her buttons.

“Come on, Margaery. You can’t possibly want to be around her.” He pronounced the last word as if it actually physically pained him to say it. “Let me take you out instead. I’ll show you what a real relationship looks like.”

“I’ll say this one more time and I swear it will be the last.” Margaery blinked almost flirtatiously. Her tone was soft but her eyes left no room for misinterpretation. She was furious. “Step the fuck away from my girl.”

Realising now Margaery had also turned on him, he decided to back down. “You know what? I have no use for her anyway.” Joffrey took a step closer to Margaery, which was compensated by Sansa stepping forward as well. The action resulted on Sansa being pressed firmly against Margaery’s back; the latter had to use some strength to hold the redhead back, lest she lost her nerves and pounced on the blonde. “You can keep your bitch.”

And that was that. It was then, right as the boy laughed cruelly at his own comment that she lost it. Even though Sansa’s anger was off the roof, it was Margaery’s punch that collided with his face. He threw some insults her way but Margaery couldn’t make out the words, given that his hands were cupping his bloody nose.

“You fucking dykes! You’ll regret this! You both will!” He yelled before storming off. As he ran to the bathroom, the brunette noticed the silence surrounding them and she casted her glance to the side in order to see the other attendant’s reaction.

The first person she saw was Cersei Lannister. The woman pursed her lips together but said nothing. She just stared at Margaery down for a few seconds before running after her son to aid him. Robert Baratheon cursed aloud and begrudgingly went to the bathroom as well. Margaery also noticed both Tommen and Myrcella offering her a tiny smile, displaying no kind of sympathy for their brother before Jaime Lannister was by their side. He calmly told them to go with him outside.

On the other end of the room was Theon, wearing a shit-eating grin and no doubt already planning on congratulating Margaery afterwards. Stood by his side was Robb, and although his face betrayed no emotion, he gave the brunette a subtle thumbs up.

“Wooooo!” Arya suddenly yelled, throwing both her hands up in the air, as if celebrating a touchdown. Her beer long gone. “Now this is a party!” Her smile matched Theon’s.

“I wouldn’t have done that if I were you.” Came a voice from behind Margaery. “I mean, I would’ve, I definitely would’ve because that douchebag had it coming but” Sansa grabbed Margaery’s bruised hand with much delicacy “I’m not sure that’s gonna sit well with your Grandmother, and much less the Lannisters.”

“Well” Margaery chuckled despite what happened “someone had to shut him up. Let me worry about them later.”

“Thank you” Sansa relaxed now that Joffrey was out of sight; her smile was timid but sincere “really.”

“No need to thank me, sweet girl.” Margaery smiled brightly at the redhead. “I’ve wanted to do that for ages, if I’m being honest.” That earned her a chuckle from Sansa.

“Margaery.” The brunette’s smile faltered away as soon as the voice came. She turned around slowly.

“Grandmother.” Margaery pursed her lips together. She knew her act would have consequences and even though she was well aware Grandmother Olenna didn’t like the Lannister boy one bit, she knew she’d have to deal with the result of her actions.

“May we speak alone?” It was a question, but the tone of voice with which it was accompanied left no room for objections. Margaery nodded, muttered ‘Sorry’ to Sansa and started to walk behind her Grandmother.

Not a full ten seconds had passed that Arya was by her sister’s side. “So, you two banging?” Arya bluntly asked Sansa once Margaery was out of earshot. She grabbed a beer from the table and took a large sip. “I heard Joffrey muttering something about you two dating. Although” she added “he used a much crasser terminology.”

For the second time that night, Sansa choked on her spit. “Wha- we’re not- I mean” she corrected herself, remembering Margaery had indeed referred to herself as her girlfriend. Not wanting to blow the Highgardener’s cover she quickly said: “We started out as friends!”

“Your point?” Arya tilted her head to the side and watched her sister expectantly. She didn’t particularly care about who Sansa was or wasn’t shagging, but she figured watching the redhead ramble would be a close second to the most fun she’d have that night so she was determined to stretch this conversation as much as she possibly could.

“I mean, you know…” Sansa was visibly struggling to find the right words but given that Arya was in no rush she watched amusedly as the taller girl gesticulated ambiguously with her hand in the air. “We were friends, so we decided to take it slow.”

“How come none of us knew you two were a thing?” The shorter girl asked.

“It’s still pretty new. We didn’t want to jinx it.” Arya hummed, seemingly content with the answer.

“I have to say” she paused to take another sip of her beer “your girl does clean up pretty nice. She’s caught the attention of every single man –and some women– since the moment she entered the building.”

The jealousy that coursed through Sansa’s body then was both unexpected and foreign. She had definitely noticed how extremely beautiful Margaery looked that night. The dress she wore was a shade of deep forest green and whereas Sansa’s straps had been relatively thin, Margaery’s were fairly broad, to make up for the plunging neckline she was showing off. The top half of her back was bare but her hair cascaded down flawlessly and covered some skin.

Sansa couldn’t blame the attendants for staring, because the sight was truly mesmerizing, what she did disapprove of, however, was how most of those looks seemed to only be directed at her cleavage. When the realisation crossed her mind Sansa felt a sense of possessiveness and, although she wouldn’t admit it even to herself, the thought ‘mine’ did come to mind.

As Arya cleared her throat, it occurred to Sansa that her sister was still waiting for an answer. “No surprise here.” Sansa shrugged casually as her gaze was directed at Margaery. The older girl was at the far end of the room, speaking with Lady Olenna. “She’s beautiful.”

Arya followed Sansa’s eyes until she saw Margaery. It did not go unnoticed by her sister the fact Sansa’s expression softened upon seeing the older girl. Arya smiled softly –mostly to herself. She’d known from the very first instant that Margaery had lied about dating Sansa, but she also knew about her sister’s feelings for the Tyrell girl. The redhead was pretty good at disguising her emotions, so only a very observant person would notice it. And despite her many flaws, if Arya was one thing was observant.

“You’ll still want to be careful around Cersei, though.” The shorter girl warned after a couple of minutes of comfortable silence. “She’s gonna want to strangle you as soon as the bastard is okay. The Lannisters are going to take Joffrey’s ex-girlfriend dating a lesbian as a great insult. It hurts their pride or some shit.”

“I know” Sansa sighed. She turned around and poured herself another glass of whiskey. “Let’s worry about that later, okay?” Arya nodded. She was about to add something else when she spotted out of the corner of her eye Margaery and her Grandmother approaching them. Arya excused herself in order to give her sister some privacy.

“Sansa, I would like you to meet my Grandmother.” Margaery offered her Grandmother a glass of wine and poured herself another one.

“Olenna Tyrell, dear.” Sansa was expecting her to hold out her hand but the woman never did. “I take it you’ve heard about me.” She took a sip of her own drink which prompted Margaery to do the same.

“I have, ma’am.” Sansa nodded. “I apologise for causing such a scene tonight.” She lamented.

“Nonsense.” The woman shook her head, taking the heat out of it. “The only thing I’m sorry for is that you couldn’t take a swing at him yourself as well.” Sansa smiled timidly.

“Grandmother!” Margaery snickered. “What will Sansa think of us? You raised me to be well-mannered.”

“And so I’ve done, dear.” Lady Olenna solemnly said. “You did well by your girlfriend when you knocked the troubled boy off his high horse.” Sansa blushed as she noticed Lady Olenna had referred to her as her granddaughter’s ‘girlfriend’.

“I take it you’re not angry at Margaery, then?” The Northerner sheepishly asked.

“I would have preferred my granddaughter to have had the decency to wait to pull off something like away from so many prying eyes, but” Lady Olenna sighed “I know just how loyal the girl can be to the people she loves and if your honour was on the table, well then, there was nothing nobody could’ve done to stop her.”

Sansa glanced at Margaery and was surprised when the older girl blushed and refused to meet her gaze. “That’s very kind of you to say, ma’am.” The redhead thanked the woman.

Lady Olenna hummed. “Anyway, I’m spotting the cheese plate I was promised about 10 minutes ago” She looked over her shoulder. “If you ladies will excuse me, I’m going to eat the food I paid for.” The woman bid her goodbyes, leaving the two girls alone.

“Sorry about her.” Margaery shook her head. “She can be a tad blunt sometimes.”

“It’s okay.” Sansa shrugged. “I like her.”

“I’m glad.” Margaery smiled easily at Sansa.

There was something at the back of her mind that was nagging Sansa. She didn’t know how to subtly approach the subject so she just dove right in. “Why did you say we were dating?” The question and the boldness with which Sansa said it took Margaery aback. “I mean, if you wanted to defend me” upon the lack of a direct response Sansa decided to clarify “you could’ve just done so without telling him we were a couple.” Sansa tilted her head to the side expectantly.

“And where’s the fun in that?” Margaery winked flirtatiously. The gesture made Sansa blush once again. “Besides, you look marvellous, darling. It would only be fit for you to have a date for the night.” Sansa tried not to think about the fact that her heart was beating faster with every word Margaery spoke. “Unless” she added on second thought “you wanted to be with someone else?”

“No!” It was almost embarrassing how quick Sansa declined the suggestion. She felt her face turn even redder, so she cleared her throat. “So, does this mean we have to keep up the charade all night long?” She chuckled to cover up her eagerness.

There was a gleam in Margaery’s eye that made Sansa shiver, but in a good way. “Wanna find out how many people we can scandalise by being extra affectionate in public?”

And if there was something Sansa was unable to do was deny Margaery anything. “Game on.”

Chapter 2

[crystalstar8]

Knights of the Night (chapter 2)

Chapter 2

Ch 1, ch 2, ch 3, ch 4, ch 5

https://archiveofourown.org/works/29139240/chapters/71536491

pairing: Jungkook x oc

genre: vampire au, college au, twilight, romance

word count: 1,628

warnings: blood (obviously), kidnapping, child kidnapping, needles, France

notes: vampires, vampire au, college, college au, so many twilight references, blood, needles, kidnapping, children, homelessness, dance, ballet, flashbacks, romance, slow burn, probably no smut, idk yet tho, France, French things, attempted genocide, inaccurate French history, bisexual main character, @strawberriewithchocolate-blog​

summary: Catalina starts college in a small town all the way across the country. She doesn’t know anyone and isn’t exactly looking for friends. She just wants to focus on dance. But when she meets fellow dance major, Jimin, and adventurous, fellow freshman, Jungkook, Catalina ends up discovering a whole new side to the small college town; one that is dangerous but oh so enticing...

              Despite complaining about walking to work, Catalina was sort of looking forward to the hike. She could see the mountains from wherever she was in this town, and they were beautiful. It was seven in the morning and Catalina was half dead. After a cup of coffee and a hearty breakfast though, she was ready to go. Jungkook had texted her the day before giving her a time, eight am, and his home address. No other details, such as what to wear to work, which would have been helpful. She had texted him back but he never answered, so she wore a plain black t-shirt with jeans. She figured that was neutral enough.

               Jungkook’s house turned out to be right around the block, so it was a short walk. The house was old, two stories, grey brick, square and narrow. Catalina knocked on the door and waited. Jungkook opened the door right away.

               “Hey, come on in,” he said, holding the door open. Catalina closed the door behind her and looked around. The inside looked like it hadn’t been redecorated since the 70’s, but it was still cozy and homey. Jungkook led the way up the stairs to a small bedroom at the end of the hall. His hair was still a mess and he wasn’t wearing shoes.

               “Are your parents home?” asked Catalina.

               “No, they’re at work. They’ll come home in a few hours,” he said.

               “The night shift?” asked Catalina.

               “Yeah, they’re nurses. They’ve worked the night shift ever since me and my brother started high school,” said Jungkook. He was sitting on his bed, lacing up a pair of Timberlands.

               The bedroom was a mess, clothes scattered across the floor, piles of tangled wires in the corner. A bookshelf was against the left wall filled with video games and stuffed animals. Beside the bookshelf, a surfboard, a snowboard, and a skateboard all leaned against the wall. A glass of milk sat on the desk by the door and there was a hole in the wall right above that. Catalina could see into the next bedroom through it, which looked similar to this room. The whole bedroom stunk like…

               “Dude, this milk is bad,” said Catalina. She scrunched her nose and shuffled away from it.

               “It is?” asked Jungkook. He picked it up and sniffed it. He reared back and gagged loudly. Catalina threw her head back laughing.

               “Why did you sniff it?” she asked.

               “I don’t know! Shut up!” he said. He took one last tentative sniff of it before setting it down and grabbing a hairbrush.

               “Have you eaten yet?”

               “No I just got up, like a few minutes before you got here,” he said. “I was thinking we could stop somewhere on the way.”

               “Won’t we be late?” asked Catalina.

               “Just McDonalds, nothing fancy!” he said.

               “What time do we have to be there?”

               “Eight.”

               “Dude! We’re gonna be late!”

               “Just quick! We’ll go through the drive through!”

               “We’re walking!”

                 A half an hour later found Catalina and Jungkook starting on the trail up the mountain. Jungkook was wolfing down three McMuffins, tater tots, and a frozen coffee. The walk through the drive through was something Catalina never wanted to do again.

               The hike, though intimidating, was very nice. They talked about their childhoods and other random stories while they walked. The woods were beautiful; enormous, ancient trees towering all around them. Catalina remembered Jungkook telling her about people skiing in these mountains. She didn’t know a whole lot about the sport, but she was pretty sure the trees would get in the way.

               “Now, I don’t know enough about skiing, but I feel like all these trees would get in the way,” said Catalina. Jungkook chuckled.

               “Yeah, there’s slopes at the top that you take lifts to get to. No one skis here,” said Jungkook. “We’ll go this winter.”

               “Yeah, you keep saying that. Anyway, this is a really nice hike, but I bet you we won’t feel like doing this every time,” said Catalina. “We’re gonna get sick of it after the first few times.”

               “No way. R.I.P. to you but I’m different,” said Jungkook.

               Catalina sighed. “That was lame. And you’re the only one here who has a car, so…”

               “I know, I’m just kidding,” he said.

               The trail let them out onto the road, which they followed until they reached the gift shop. It was a small building on the side of the road which advertised trail maps, souvenirs and camping necessities. A little bell rang above the door as they stepped inside. Hoodies, snow globes and tacky, racist Native American merchandise greeted them inside.

               “You’re late,” someone said. A woman in her late 40’s rounded one of the shelves and crossed her arms.

               “What? Not we’re not!” Jungkook checked the time on his phone. They were indeed late. Catalina sighed. Great first impression.

               “We’re really sorry ma’am. Someone had to get McDonalds on the way here,” she said.

               The woman sighed. “Call me Helen. And it’s okay. It’s not like they’re bustin’ the door down.”

               Sure enough, besides them, the store was empty. Helen showed them how to work the register, where the back room was, and how to close at seven.

               “Just be friendly with the customers. I’m not gonna be here on weekends, so keep yourselves occupied,” said Helen. And with that, she left the store. The rest of the day went by slowly. Not many people came in, so Catalina and Jungkook mostly just hung out and goofed around.

               When Catalina got home later that night, she was exhausted. They only had a few customers that day, the rest of the time was spent chatting and making fun of the Indian goods.

               Her bed, which was still just a mattress on the floor, was a welcome sight.

                  The only thing she could feel was a deep-seated fear. It made her palms sweat and the hair on the back of her neck stand on end. The narrow hallways seemed to be never ending. She needed to find a way out. If they caught up to her, she was dead. The faint sound of a floorboard creaking somewhere behind her made her spin around, breath caught in her throat. There was no one there, but the hallway seemed darker than it was before.

               All of a sudden, Catalina found herself in a den. A fire crackled in the fireplace, bookshelves lined the walls and a big desk sat in the corner. It was cozy, and Catalina felt the fear melt away. She felt safe here.

               “Have you read this one?”

               Catalina turned around. A man stood by the hearth. He held up a book, but Catalina couldn’t make out the title since the letters kept shifting.

               “I’m not sure,” she said. This man was dangerous, Catalina could tell by the fear she still felt being around him. But she also knew he wouldn’t hurt her. “I don’t think I’ve read it. What book is it?”

               “I told you about this one yesterday. You would like it,” he said. When he smiled, his dimples caved and his eyes sparked. Catalina no longer felt afraid of him.

                  I Like It, by Cardi B. blasted from the speakers. Sweat dripped from Catalina’s brow.

               “One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, one, two, three, STEVE, GODDAMN IT YOU’RE STILL TURNING THE WRONG WAY!” the choreographer shouted. She paused the music and pinched the bridge of her nose. Catalina took the opportunity to breathe and turn to Jimin. He was trying not to laugh.

               “I don’t wanna be here when she kills Steve,” Jimin said under his breath. Catalina giggled.

               “I think it’d be some fun drama,” said Catalina. “Also, he deserves it.”

               Jimin laughed and they got back into position as the music started from the beginning again. Catalina wasn’t really a fan of Cardi B., but the dance was a lot of fun. It was a smooth hip hop, lots of body rolls and sexy partner dancing. Catalina was glad she got Jimin as her partner and not Steve. Steve was pretty bad.

               Once the choreographer called it a day, Catalina and Jimin took their time packing their bags.

               “Do you watch the news at all?” asked Jimin. Catalina shook her head. “Well, it’s the only thing ever on at my house, and I guess there’s like, people going missing in the town next to us.”

               “Whoa, really?” asked Catalina.

               “Yeah, and I was invited to this party, but my mom has been freaking out and she doesn’t want me to go out, so I don’t know if I’m going…”

               “Wow, that’s crazy. Yeah, I mean, it’s not in this town though. So it should be fine to go to a party,” said Catalina. Jimin shrugged.

               “Maybe. Anyway, how was the first day at work?” he asked.

               “Ah, yeah, it was nice. The hike is cool and there’s a bunch of racist Indian goods in the shop. There’s like, barely any customers, so it was pretty chill all day,” she said.

               “That’s cool. I don’t think I’d be able to walk that far to work every day. I’m too lazy,” said Jimin.

               Catalina shrugged. “I mean, a job is a job. But I’ll probably have a ride for a lot of my shifts,” she said. “What about you? Did you get that job in the theater?”

               “Yeah, it’s alright. I guess it’s gonna be mostly just moving chairs around and helping backstage for events,” said Jimin. “But what if I want to audition for a show?”

               “Then they’ll just have to find a replacement for you!” said Catalina. “You deserve to be on stage!”

               Jimin laughed and said, “Thank you. I do deserve to be on stage, don’t I?”

[tuiccim]

Santi (Part 4)

Pairing: Bucky X Reader

Words: 1480

Warnings: Fluff, flirt, implied smut

Summary: The team returns from their mission. You (Santi) and Bucky are still figuring out what you are. 

This is a shorter part but the next several parts are working out to be long. Stick with me. 

Santi Masterlist

You wake cuddled up against Bucky. The clock shows it's 9:45 in the morning. You could swear you heard a noise and before you are fully awake your door opens and Steve bustles in. 

"Santi, do you know where Bucky is?"

You sit up quickly, snatching the blanket to cover yourself, and glare at Steve. "Think you could knock next time?"

"Sorry. Do you know where Bucky is?" Steve repeats.

You look at him like he's crazy but realize the angle he's at doesn't give him a clear view of Bucky behind you until a metal arm raises up. 

"Right here, Punk." Bucky sits up and wraps an arm around your middle, resting his chin on your shoulder. "Really shouldn't just bust into peoples' rooms, Stevie."

Steve stares at the two of you slack-jawed and you are biting your lip to suppress a giggle even while you feel a blush creeping up.

"So, the team's back? Mission go okay?" You prompt.

"Uh, yeah. All good. I'm gonna go." Steve backs out of the room. 

You look at Bucky and you both crack up.

"Last night was pretty amazing." Bucky whispers in your ear.

"Yeah it was." You smile.

"Any chance of a repeat performance?"

“You just say the word, Sarge.” You chew your lip for a minute trying to figure out how to ask the next question. "Will Steve tell the others?"

"I don't think so."

"Buck?"

"Yeah?"

"Is...what, is...what. Oh, fuck it. Nevermind."

"It's something, Doll."

"Look, I'm not asking for a label or anything. I just… fuck. What I'm feeling is more than just physical. I mean, I don't think I've ever been as sexually attracted to someone as I am to you." Bucky gives you a cocky grin at that and you swat him playfully. "But I'm already catching feelings and if that's not what you want…" you falter and stare up at him hoping he'll pick up.

"It's not just physical for me either. We'll figure it out. Together." Bucky says while his lips play over the skin of your neck. 

You hum happily at the sensation and the sentiment. "We should get dressed. Check on the team."

"Okay, Doll. But first a kiss to tide me over."

Of course, it couldn't end with just a kiss, but forty-five minutes later you join most of the team in the common room. 

"Got your training in already?" Sam looks between you and Bucky. You're both sporting wet hair from a quick shower.

"Yeah, got in a good workout." You smile, "How did everything go?"

"Nothing too hairy. Mostly figuring out exactly what and where, ya know. Got it done. What did you two get up to?" Sam smirks at you. 

"Training, visited the Museum of Natural History, turn and burn intel mission, and introduced Bucky to Star Trek and Bad Boys."

"Bad Boys! That's my girl!" Sam fist bumps you. It's one of his favorite movies. "How'd metal man do on the mission?"

"Clean. Precise. He was easy to work with."

"Really? Usually he's a pain in the ass." Sam snarks.

"Depends on what I have to work with." Bucky shoots back.

You smile and roll your eyes as you walk over to Nat and sit next to her on the couch, "How you doin?"

"Fine. How was it?" Nat arches an eyebrow.

"We had fun. Bucky's sweet." You say softly as Sam and Bucky continue their verbal sparring.

"So, what kind of workout did you get in this morning? Must have been intense. Steve was practically white after he went to find  you guys." Nat smirks.

"You know. Good old calisthenics." You wink at her. "Where's Wanda and Vision?"

"Wanda said she was tired." 

"Got ya." 

The rest of the day is spent with everyone relaxing. Sam decides to complete Steve and Bucky's Bad Boys education by putting on the two remaining movies for the afternoon. You decide to bake a cake and make lasagna for dinner. Everyone loves your lasagna laced with homemade meatballs and sausage. You always felt a hearty meal after a mission was good medicine. 

“Doll, you not watching the movie?” Bucky looks back at you from his spot on the couch. 

“I’m gonna start some stuff for dinner tonight. I’ll join you in a bit.”

You get to work and enjoy hearing the guys laughing and goofing around with each other during the movie. Nat, Wanda, and Vision eventually filter into the living room. Once the lasagna is in the oven and the cake is cooling, you head to the living room. Most of the seats were taken at this point. The only one open on the couch was between Steve and Sam, but Bucky sees you coming, shoves Steve over, and pulls you down beside him. Wanda looks over at you and raises an eyebrow. You just smile at her as you snuggle into Bucky's side. 

After dinner, Nat and Wanda pull you away. Once ensconced in Wanda's room they both pounce. 

Wanda saying, "What was that with Bucky?"

And Natasha immediately follows, "You two seem awful cozy. Was I right?"

Wanda's attention snaps to Nat, "What do you mean were you right?"

Nat starts, "When we got back this mor...mmmmph." 

You quickly cover Nat's mouth. "Nothing! Nothing happened this morning."

"Lies!" Wanda squeals.

Natasha and you are in a battle. You are trying to cover her mouth and she’s doing her best to capture your hands. She manages to get a few words out as you two spar. "Morning...Steve went...to find'em...came back white as ghost...from shock. What…" You give up at this point and just let her talk. "What'd he see, Santi?"

"Steve burst into my room without knocking. Rude, right? Totally caught me sleeping naked." You say.

"I thought you were working out when we got back." Nat smirks knowing she caught you.

"Fuck!" You explain succinctly the time you and Bucky spent together, the extreme attraction, and the whole scene this morning. 

"This is amazing." Wanda giggles.

"It's confusing, is what it is. It's so fast for me. It just feels so right though. I'm so attracted to him physically but I like him, ya know. He's so sweet and funny and fun. We just clicked. We worked so well together on the mission and… I don't know. I like him. He likes me. We just have to figure things out as we go."

"Def fast." Nat says. "But in our line of work, best not to wait."

“Yeah. Speaking of, Wanda, you and Vision seem to be figuring things out very well.” You smile and settle in for a chat. 

The guys had all settled back in the common room. Steve was eyeing Bucky, but it was Sam who piped up. 

“Santi, huh?” He smiles as he nods. Bucky just grins. 

“She’s hot.” Sam says causing Bucky to practically growl at him. Sam throws his head back and laughs. 

“She’s a kind person. I’m glad to see her finally taking an interest in someone.” Vision says. 

“She doesn’t date much?  Bucky tries to ask casually. 

“Not to my knowledge since she has been here.” Vision states.

Steve smiles at Bucky, “I always say don’t wait too long. You didn’t waste any time.”

Bucky shrugs but a smile tugs at his lips. “Feels right.”

You head to your room a little later and hear the elevator open as you get to your door. You turn to see Steve and Bucky. “Hey guys.”

“Night, Santi.” Steve says with a smirk and goes to his room. 

Bucky approaches you slowly. “Hey, Doll.” He almost seems nervous. 

“Did you enjoy the movies?” You ask. 

“Yeah. They were good. Enjoyed them more with you curled up next to me.” 

“Is that so?” You open your door and nod your head for him to go in. “What’d you and the guys talk about?

“Bet it was the same thing as Wanda and Nat talked to you about.” He laughs.

“What’s happening with us. Yeah. Told ‘em it just feels…”

“Right.” Bucky finishes. 

“Yeah. I think the whole team kinda has the attitude that in our line of work it’s not always smart to wait.”

“Yeah.” Bucky reaches for you and you willingly go into his arms. 

You look up into his face, “Honestly, this is kinda fast for me, Bucky. I don’t wanna stop. Don’t get me wrong, but I’m a little scared.” 

“Well, I haven’t really dated since the 40s, so.” He chuckles. 

You laugh, “I didn’t realize. Damn. So, am I like a crazy forward hussy or about on par for the 40s dames?”

Bucky laughs again, “Depended on the dame, but I’m gonna go with crazy forward and I like it.”

You pull him into a kiss, “Good. Now take my clothes off.”

He grins against your mouth as he complies.

Part 5

[vangoghcean]

Hey! Are you currently in uni/ college? I’m just looking for any kind of motivation during all of this happening 😅🥺

hello! yes !! i am currently in my last year of college (though the school system works a bit differently than most where i live)! i TOTALLY feel u! this year was ‘supposed to be’ THE GRIND for me! i was gonna study super hard, work crazy hours and apply for a visa to go move out to live in NYC next year! now, without knowing if any of that is possible (and honestly: not knowing if that’s even what i want anymore??) i’m lacking such motivation. on top of that, i 100% recognize that i’m in such a fortunate and comfortable position at this time and that people are struggling much much worse! this should motivate me but somehow makes going to school online feel even stupider!! it’s honestly making me question the trajectory i want my life to take because why am i here if not to help people??? but many of the seemingly practical ways to help people are through corrupt systems in which i want no part?? CONFUSING. for now i’m dedicated to putting what i can in mutual aid funds & highlyyy recommend that if you even have $5 to pop in every now and then that you do. this feels like the future. IN ANY CASE. motivation for studying online (i’m assuming this is the sitch). it can be tricky. my tips are probably the most basic ones you’ve seen over and over but here goes:

MAKE YOURSELF A REGULAR SCHEDULE. set a wake-up alarm for the same time every day. if you find it hard to not just hit snooze, get ur early bird friend to call u up in the morning and chat to u as they get ready until u can secure the caffeine. 😂 but fr, alarms are ur best friend. u can use them to schedule in break time, work periods... and u can use your agenda to mark down days off, due dates, etc. try to estimate how long each project/reading will take you and allot specific times of the day for it. really try to hold yourself accountable! or find a friend to check in on your progress!

GET READY EVERY MORNING. you probably don’t feel as motivated to work in your pyjamas. put on clothes you’d go to a job interview in. doll yourself up if you need to! you’ll feel so much more prepared to work!! (+ if you wear slightly uncomfortable things like jeans, if you’re like me, you’re much less likely to laze around)!

WORK ANYWHERE BUT YOUR BED. set up your station at a desk, your kitchen table, your kitchen counter or in even in a bathtub!! literally ANYWHERE but your bed or a couch. separate your work space and rest space as much as you can. i know this is not always easy (personally, my desk is not even a meter away from my bed and they’re against opposing walls... but do your best!)

MAKE TIME TO BE SOCIAL. you don’t have to go out to a pandemic party in your spare time, but taking a minute to facetime your friend or go chat to your sister or literally have a conversation with the person at the post office (u.s. pals pls support the USPS if u can) will help your mood and motivation immensely. study in silence over facetime with friends. take 3 seconds to scroll through the meme group chat that you’re part of. it’s about the little things 💗

BE ACTIVE. you don’t have to run a marathon, or even follow a chloe ting ab workout (although 10/10 would recommend i actually love that workout!). if you just take 40 seconds to do some jumping jacks in between classes or while the teacher is lecturing and you cannoootttttt sit still anymore, this can boost your mood! it can help you be able to concentrate better and also helps your blood circulation (every 20 mins you should get up and walk around for a bit ideally)!

KEEP YOUR STATION TIDY. don’t clutter your space with things if you can avoid it. computer, headphones, notepad, literary texts/textbook, paper, pencil, eraser, sharpener, pen, whiteout. BOOM. done. that’s it. (well, maybe except for coffee/water/tea, which, btw, i’d recommend keeping in a bottle or thermos that you can lock so that u can avoid frying your technology!!) everything else can be stowed away somewhere and pulled out when needed. if you’re in art school or some other program where things can get messy, create a system that makes all your materials accessible but not immediately in the way. (also, as someone with a very tiny space, i’m here to tell u there is ALWAYS a way to do this!!! & it’s ok to ask for help!!! if your space is not conducive for work? borrow a few screws and a screwdriver or a nail and hammer from ur neighbor! get a lil plank of wood from the store or the side of the road or someone you know and bang a shelf into your wall! or grab moving boxes from a buddy and stack em in your corner to make a storage space! there’s always a way.)

USE. AN. AGENDA. i think i already touched on this one but HONEY if u don’t have an agenda or a calendar WHAT ArE You DoInG???? once, i didn’t have enough money to buy one, so i literally paid 2$ for colourful construction paper at the dollar store, drew the dates in and stapled one together. there is not really any excuse to not have one! you can use the back pages of your unfinished third grade math notebook! it doesn’t matter! you just need a space to write things down because this is probably one of THE most essential tools for staying motivated (writing down ur goals) and staying on track (writing in due dates, etc.)!! u can watch cute bullet journal videos and fill it with stickers if that motivates u! or do what i did this year and buy one that’s way expensive so that u feel bad about how much money u spent and therefore HAVE to use it 😂 whatever works for u!

JOURNAL. this may sound kind of irrelevant, but i found that i was SO much more motivated to go to online school when i had a space to just let out all my negative emotions towards it. in my journal, i would dump out all my feelings of disdain towards doing theatre school online and missing my friends...so then when it actually came to school, i was pretty much over it and was just excited to see them and my teachers (even tho it was just virtually!)

maybe u weren’t asking for advice lol but i felt like going OFF!! 😂 if anyone has tips for motivation/success at online school in this wild global pandemic era we’re living in reblog and add em! we can make this a cute little chain!! hope you’re all taking care! i believe in u and u r going to do AMAZING this school year i feel it ✨💞

[cherry-ber]

Too drunk to fuck (pt 4)

Part 1 | Previous

Inevitably, after random small talks with the boys, your phone rang and when you finally picked it up, you had five missed calls from your parents, and you had to get back home. You said goodbye to the tipsy boys, and promised to hang out with them again soon. Mark gave you his gloves, because suddenly the night became cold, and you both rode back to your place, he'd look back at you every red light, since the wind was making you tremble in cold, he'd laugh nervously every time you put your hands on his pockets to keep them warm.

Upon arriving, you knew your dad was probably waiting in the living room for you, so you didn't let him get close to the front door, and just as you were kissing him goodbye, both your parents opened the door to you holding hands.

“Are you children coming in?” your mom asked, not a hint of her being angry at all, but judging by the time you arrived, you knew she was beyond displeased.

Mark was about to decline, but your dad gave him the look.

“Son, come on in, it's late and you don't want to drive that thing without chatting with us, do you?” That thing, of course, reminded him of his old Harley. Your mom had a thing for bikers, and apparently you did too. Probably, a little bit intimidated by your father, Mark agreed to having a cup of coffee with you inside.

At first it was embarrassing and uncomfortable, because you knew what your parents wanted to hear about your relationship with Mark, but unfortunately there was nothing between you two, and what was actually going on would piss them off, after telling them that those hours that you spent making out, you were in the taking a special Science course. But things got smooth quickly, after your dad learned all the things he had in common with Mark, and after skipping the fact that you were tipsy all the time you were talking, obviously none of you told them you were drinking and smoking an hour away from home.

“I hate to be that kind of dad, Mark, but I have to know, since I don't want my daughter coming at 1 a.m every night, what kind of relationship do you children have?”

You noticed Mark's jaw tightened, his hands also tensed, and he held his breath for a second that felt like hours.

“He's just a good friend, dad, Jaemin couldn't bring me home earlier since he was helping a friend with his car, it ran out of gas, and since it was getting cold, he offered me a lift” You intervened, knowing that you didn't want to hear whatever Mark was planning to reply. You knew you were a good liar, but this one came out so smoothly and naturally that for a moment, Mark himself believed it.

“I see... Is Jaemin the moron that picked you up and didn't bother to say hi?” you nodded “is that your boyfriend?” you shook your head no “that's great, he's banned, I don't want you driving around in that car with him” Mark let out a giggle “then you children should go to sleep”

You stood up, ready to say goodbye but your mom finally talked again after staring at you suspiciously.

“What are you doing? It's late. Mark, bring your bike inside the garage and you can sleep in the couch”

Your parents were always very nice with your friends, but you didn't want that with Mark, you didn't want them to think about him that way, because you knew that it was only about time before he left you.

“I really shouldn't, I don't want to abuse your hospitality”

“Come on, love, it's late, you can stay with Y/N in the living, it could be dangerous outside”

It didn't take long for him to say yes, so you had to stay with him in the couch. You decided you were both sleeping in the floor, so you built a fort and laid next to each other.

“You know, Y/N I never thought you were so much of a liar”

“Huh?”

“Jaemin? Helping someone with their car?”

“Oh, right. Don't be loud, I don't really want them to know it was a lie”

“I mean yeah, but I am impressed... Have you ever lied to me?”

In the dark, you could barely distinguish him from his shadow, he was playing with his hands and breathing slowly, you couldn't see his face but you knew that he was smiling.

“We never speak, how could I ever lie to you, hum?”

Silence. You thought maybe he fell asleep, after all, it was really late.

“Right”

It was your turn to stay quiet. You didn't intend to make him feel bad, in case that was what happened, and this was your chance to get closer to him. I mean, you were sleeping together, how much closer could you get anyway.

“I am indeed a good liar” you started and heard him turn around, so you proceeded “I am also very sensitive, I cry often for the dumbest reasons. I like to be alone, but I crave human interaction sometimes. I don't like the smell of cigarettes, but I've been smoking for a while and of course my parents don't know, don't even ask. I also like to cook, I'm pretty good, I would say”

“Is any of that a lie?”

“Yes. Guess which one.”

He took his time, humming for some minutes

“You don't like to be alone. If you did, you would've never accepted to meet me after class”

“That's wrong. All of those are lies, but I am in fact a good cook”

He laughed and placed his hand on your hip bone

“Let me tell you something, I used to think you were incredibly gorgeous, but upon meeting you, I know now that you are also smart, and funny and I just want to how is it possible that you are so charming”

It was a blessing that it was so dark, because you didn't want him seeing you blushing the way you did.

“What is that supposed to mean anyway?”

You heard sounds coming up from your parents room, and you realized that of course they were trying to listen

“It means we should sleep, it's very late” he turned around again, his back facing you, and you immediately missed his hands on you.

“Goodnight, Mark”

He said nothing, and after some minutes you felt asleep, he noticed you did when your breath became deeper. He turned to face you. In the dark he couldn't really see your face, but he imagined your closed eyes and your nose slightly pink from the heat your body was creating. He imagined caressing your cheek, cupping your face with his hands, playing with your hair and making you laugh when he was kissing all over your face, but he didn't, he didn't even move a finger, he stayed away, and told himself it was better that way.

In the morning, you forgot where you were, and panicked when you saw Mark's face slightly covered by a blanket. He looked adorable, and you resisted the urge to hug him.

You were thankful you woke up early and immediately went to wash your face and brush your teeth, you went to the kitchen and made pancakes.

You were loud enough to wake him up, so he went looking for you and couldn't help but smile when he saw you.

“How are you up so early?” he scared you but you didn't jump when you heard his voice

“I was hungry”

You ate your breakfast and he told you he should leave already, but you didn't want him to.

“I'll see you tomorrow after class, I swear”

He took his jacket, and went to the garage. You saw him riding away, and you wondered if you made any progress with him.

Sunday, 8:36 a.m, Na Jaemin: “Are you coming with us today?”

Sunday, 8:37 a.m: “where?”

“actually, don't tell me, I don't I'd be able to go”

Sunday, 8:37 a.m, Na Jaemin: “Well we're not taking Mark, but Jeno and I are going somewhere, I thought maybe you'd like to join us”

“«somewhere» means his place, I'm helping him organize his room, he's messy.”

“No drinks or drugs I swear”

“Well unless you want to”

Sunday, 8:39 a.m: “mmmmm k, pick me up in like three hours pls”

Sunday, 8:39 a.m, Na Jaemin: “Will do. See you xox😘”

Sunday 8:40 a.m : “🤢🤢”

Next

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A.N: Okay I love this song so much, maybe you can't tell but that's somehow the way Mark feels about Y/N. Talking that, have you been listening to the songs I add? I got a message saying they were and they liked them, that's why I keep attaching them lmao, I hope you don't mind it.

I wanted to thank you again for your feedback and for taking the time to message me or reply or ask, and to like and reblog this, too.

I'm thinking about a new project, involving a horror story and any other nct member, I'm thinking Hyuck or Chenle because I adore them but if you had any suggestions / requests, I'd be happy to read them.

Anyway, I wanted to upload this earlier but of course I didn't, I'm sorry about, I'll work on a schedule for you to know when I'll update if that's easier uwu

[human-trash-fire]

Shot Through The Heart: Chapter 7 (part 4- Rowaelin) NSFW

First and foremost I want to apologize to all my readers for the delay. This is my 5th pass at this chapter. I lost motivation when it seemed that every time I went to write this it didn’t do the buildup justice.

A few notes going in: 

1.The total money Dorian, Asterin, and Mannon made from their game will be posted at the end of the chapter. 

2. This is the first chapter that will feature a group text, so I’ve changed the formatting on text conversations to make it slightly easier to track. That being said, we see the Group Chat from Aelin’s phone and, as you’d expect everyone has a name. Here is a list of the characters and their text names so it’s easier to understand:

- The Queen: Aelin

-Sexy Liger: Lysandra

-SINnamon Roll: Elide

-Dorian’s Dom: Manon

-Blonde Demon: Asterin

-Elsa Havilliard: Dorian

-Balto: Aedion

-Discount Deadpool: Ren

Lastly, a GIANT THANK YOU to all of you who have kept up with this story and to @starseternalnighttriumphant​ for beta reading this chapter. I hope you all enjoy <3 

(Click HERE to bring you to my masterlist if you need a refresher course on what’s happening bc I took so long to write this)

AELIN:

What the fuck is going on? Aelin thought as she reached for her mimosa, taking care to lean as far away from Rowan at her side as possible. Last night…. Last night was clearly eventful in more ways than one. She had been awake for approximately 15 minutes and wasn’t entirely sure she was sober yet, if she was being honest. The demon 3-way at the end of the table had spent the entire morning cackling like a pack of witches and, not-so-subtly marking tallies for their fucking “bets.” By Aelin’s estimation she’d made Dorian enough money over the course of their friendship to buy a fucking Lambourghini.

“Hey Rowan,” Dorian sounded mild but the smirk playing about his lips gave him away. This motherfucker. Aelin cut him a scathing look over her sunglasses.

“Sup?” He responded, while Aelin lifted her drink to her lips and started a long pull, eyes now locked on Dorian.

“I was just wondering if you enjoyed your night,” Dorian said, all to-casually. “I seemed to have lost track of you after you went out for fresh air.” Four Things happened simultaneously:

Aelin choked on her mimosa. Pale orange liquid sputtered from her lips as she fought to catch her breath.

Aedion loosed what could only be described as a growl from across the table.

Dorian and Asterin fist-bumped, without looking away from the debacle.

Manon muttered “Fucking cheaters.”

Son of a bitch.

***********************************************

He leaned forward, a sensual smirk playing at his lips. Aelin glanced down, then back up to his eyes as she moved forward, their breath mingling. One of his hands slid up to cup her cheek, while the other slid down her lower back to squeeze her ass. Aelin closed her eyes when their lips came together, but as she went to deepen the kiss a loud giggle escaped instead. Fen’s eyes snapped open and he began to pull away. 

“Oh gods, no, I’m so sorry, let’s try this again” Aelin pleaded, once again closing the distance between them. This time as their mouths opened and tongues met Fenrys began to laugh. He was laughing so hard he was shaking, and Aelin couldn’t help but join. 

“I’m sorry, I can’t.” He wheezed  between bouts of laughter. “Don’t get me wrong Ace, I’ve wanted to try that since I first saw you gut a guy in Assassin's Blade. And it’s not that I’m not grateful,” at this point tears were streaming down both their faces and they tried to regain their composure. “It’s just, you’re.. it’s like kissing connall! You’re way prettier, for sure, but it’s just not…” his hand waggled between the both of them. 

“Full of fireworks and shit?” Aelin supplied. 

“Exactly! And as much as I adore you, I think maybe we were just meant to be-“ 

“Friends? Oh thank gods.” Aelin breathed.  She couldn’t help but be relieved he felt the same. As much as she had grown to love him over the past few months, and didn’t want to lose his light in her life, she couldn’t help that as they kissed she found herself wishing it was a different blonde in her arms. 

“Besides, you're nearly as pretty as I am, it wouldn’t be fair to hoard all this to ourselves.” Fenrys responded with a smirk, and grabbed Aelin’s hand dragging her back down the hall and into the festivities.

When they re-entered the room, Fen’s eyes immediately landed on Asterin. She was chugging whiskey from a bottle while standing precariously atop the coffee table. “Soooo… tell me about Asterin,” he whispered in Aelin’s ear. 

She snorted, “I admire your recovery time Moonbeam. She’ll tear you to shreds. But I rather think you’d enjoy that” she said with a knowing look. “Go on,” she nodded. And with one last wink Fen sauntered over to his next conquest. 

“Hello little wolf” Asterin purred as she lowered the bottle from her lips. “Care for a body shot?” Fen’s eyes dropped to the intricate chandelier style tattoo that began somewhere beneath her breasts and spread out across her abdomen. Eyes trailing back up to meet hers, he slowly reached for the bottle in her hand. 

“Lay down,” Aelin heard him say in a commanding tone. Asterin lowered herself onto the table, eyes never leaving his. She was a predator luring it’s prey by feigning compliance. While his face remained stoic, Aelin saw his throat bob. 

“Try not to get me too messy,” Asterin purred. 

“I can’t make any promises.” 

Aelin chuckled quietly and looked away from the, frankly pornographic scene, only to find a pair of pine green eyes watching her across the room. She smiled, and grabbed a bottle of Johnny Walker off a nearby table and headed outside hips swaying.

************************

“Smooth,” Gavriel muttered from somewhere amidst the chaos. Aedion was still glaring daggers, if looks could kill Aelin was sure Rowan Whitethorn would have been obliterated. Overprotective asshole. After catching her breath she snagged her phone from the pocket of her sweatshirt and fired off a text to the group chat.

The Queen: You MOTHER FUCKERS

Elsa Havilliard: ????

Blonde Demon: Problem?? 

Blonde Demon: hahahahahahah

Dorian’s Dom: fucking CHEATERS

The Queen: WHAT WAS THE BET

The Queen: I WILL PAY YOU TO END THIS 

Balto: I will burry his fucking body under the field

Balto: Ren will help

Discount Deadpool: Eh…

SINnamon Roll: Oh shut up Assryver

SINnamon Roll: Go back to eye-fucking Lys

Dorian’s Dom: LOLOLOL 

Dorian’s Dom: $40 and counting

Discount Deadpool: Elide out here snatchin’ wigs

Sexy Liger: Fuck. You. All. Stop making brunch WORSE. 

Sexy Liger: And no one is “eye fucking” anyone

SINnamon Roll: IDK what you’re talking about, this is the best fucking brunch I’ve ever been to

Blonde Demon: 10/10 agree

Elsa Havilliard: One for the ages

Dorian’s Dom: iconic

The Queen: CANCELLED

Discount Deadpool: *gasps in gay*

Balto: …….

The Queen: You heard me, you fucking traitors. 

The Queen: Except you Lys. I love you always.

SINnamon Roll: rude.

*****************************************

Aelin knew he had followed her to the pool, her skin pebbled with anticipation. She took a huge swig from the bottle and turned around, slowly dragging her lips off the top. “Hello Buzzard.”

“Brat.”

Aelin brought a hand to her chest, “You wound me.” She allowed her hand to linger, toying with the edge of her bathing suit top. Fingers drawing his gaze to the valley between her breasts. Rowan brought his thumb up to graze his lower lip, and dragged his gaze back to hers. “I was considering going for another swim, care to join me?” Aelin set the bottle at her feet and slowly removed her sheer bathing-suit cover, letting the material pool at her feet and biting her lip.

“And Fen?”

“Tongue deep in a new prospect, as you saw…” Aelin lowered herself to the edge of the pool and gracefully slid beneath the surface. Breaching the water, she pushed her hair back and swam back to the edge, arms folded in front of her. Looking up with a smirk.

Rowan squatted down in front of her, bringing a finger underneath her chin and forcing her eyes from his spread thighs to his face. “And you?” He asked, voice low and head cocked to the side.

“What about me?” Aelin asked, voice a near whisper and heart hammering in her throat.

“What do you want, Aelin?”

“What I’ve wanted for a while now…” His brow hitched in question, and she swallowed audibly. “Whatever you’ll give me Whitethorn.” Rowan nodded once then released her chin, standing to remove his shirt. HOLY FUCKING GODS she thought. The tattoo that crawled down his face danced across every chiseled plain of his body. Covering the entire left side and disappearing beneath the low-riding waistband of his Terrasen flag swim trunks. 

“Eyes are up here sweetheart,” he chuckled.

“I’m sure they are,” she choked out, licking her lips and continuing to stare at the V of muscles hovering above her head.

“Menace,” Rowan growled and dove over her head into the pool. Aelin turned, resting her elbows against the wall behind her and tracking his body as it moved under the water towards her. He came to the surface a foot from her face, shaking his head and brushing his silver hair from his forehead. 

“Dramatic.” She whispered through a smile.

Rowan brought himself within inches of her, hands on either side of her shoulders, strong arms boxing her in. 

“If we do this, we do it my way.” She tilted her head in silent question. “I don’t do soft. I don’t do vanilla. If you can follow my rules I’ll treat you better than anyone ever has. If that’s not something you’re interested in, we stop now. No harm done. A ‘no’ from you will stop this, no matter what. You’re safe with me, always Aelin.” She was shaking with anticipation, and the smirk he wore was indication enough that he knew he had her. “I have spent months thinking of all the ways I could take you apart.” He leaned in even further, lips ghosting hers. “So I’ll ask you one last time… What do you want Aelin?”

“You, Sir.”

And with that, he kissed her. It wasn’t gentle, it was a brand on her lips, fire licking its way to her core. A large hand slid down her back beneath the water and dragged her body against his. Instinctually she wrapped her legs around his middle, rocking against the evidence of his arousal prominently resting against her ass. He pulled back from her mouth with a click of his tongue. “Did I tell you to move?” he asked, voice almost bored.

“N-no.”

“No, what?

“No, Sir.”

“Back against the wall,” Aelin did as instructed, dropping her legs from his waist and pushing back. Heart hammering a staccato beat against her ribs, her every nerve-ending was both too hot and too cold. “Good, girl.”

His praise shot straight to her core, Oh shit. He moved back into her, pressing her bodily against the wall as he nipped and sucked his way across her jaw, up and down her neck. The hand that had pulled her in initially dragging its way across her stomach… moving south, hooking a single finger into the material he paused. “Yes or no?” he whispered into her ear, and punctuated the question by dragging her earlobe into his mouth. Sucking gently, teeth grazing. 

“Gods yes, pl- please sir.”

**************************************

Aelin thrust her phone back into the pocket of her sweatshirt, and shrank down into her chair with all the grace of a sullen child. Her friends were assholes, and if they didn’t stop they’d fuck up whatever it was that started last night. They don’t know shit, she reminded herself and glanced at the hulking man next to her casually drinking his coffee. There was no way Rowan and the Cadre were unaware of the tension that had settled at the table. It seemed as though the only people exempt from it were Connall and Vaughn, currently feeding Ren at the opposite end of the table. 

What in the actual fuck is happening? 

A hand on her thigh startled Aelin from her highly obvious oggling of the threesome, and she turned her head to fully look at Rowan. He hitched a brow and smirked, his eyes seeming to ask Something the matter? Aelin rolled her eyes and gave him a look that she hope conveyed Not at all, I’m just curious.

Rowan leaned in then, using the movement to drag his hand to the apex of her thighs beneath the table and whisper in her ear. “Connall and Vaughn like… Pets. They’ve been looking for someone new since we got back, looks as though they’ve found one.”

“Should I be worried about Ren?” She whispered back.

“He seems to be handling himself just fine.”

“For now…” Aelin mused. “But if they hurt him I will personally cut them into pieces and feed them to Fleetfoot.”

“If they hurt him Princess, I’ll help.”

********************************************

Mouth sucking a pert nipple through the soaked material of her swimsuit, Rowan slid a single finger along her slit. Torturously slow. Swirling her clit with to-light pressure, and then back to circle her entrance he dipped just the tip in. She was shaking, so tempted to grind into his hand, desperately seeking the release that had been building and now sat on a knife’s edge. 

He kept teasing, holding her at that edge while she begged “More” and “Please Sir” and “I’m so close.” He was taking her apart with a single finger and a set of teeth slowly dragging their way back up towards the shell of her ear. 

“Do you wanna cum, Princess?” he whispered. Pulling his finger from her sex and resting his palm against her. That damn finger now resting lightly against her entrance. She barely held still.

Aelin nodded her head furiously.

“Use your words.” A command.

“Yes, Sir. Pl-Please I need to cum. Please can I cum, p-” Her plea cut off as he plunged two thick fingers inside her and began to fuck right against that spot. 

“Cum.” He growled. And Aelin saw the Gods.

Rowan worked her through her orgasm, thumb circling her clit and fingers hammering, until she was sobbing with over-sensitivity. He eased out of her, pulling his face from her neck and his fingers from her body, bringing them up to his mouth. Pine-green eyes boring into her soul, he slowly sucked her taste from his fingers. 

“Good Girl.”

Rowan lifted her out of the water, setting her on the edge of the pool and hoisting himself up with sheer upper-body strength. The front of his trunks still tented, she gathered what brain cells she had left and nodded towards his glorious erection, “What about you?”

“What about me?” he reached for a towel, and came back to her side helping her to her rather useless feet. How the fuck had he made her like this with only his hands?

“Isn’t it my turn?” Aelin asked dumbly.

“No.”

“No?” She was so fucking confused. Didn’t he want her? “But I thought…”

“You thought, what. That I’d fuck you tonight?”

“Well… yeah, don’t you want to?”

“More than you know princess,” Rowan wrapped the towel around her shoulders. Pulling her in to kiss her forehead. “I want nothing more than to fuck you until you can’t remember your own name. But I won’t do it when you’re drunk.”

“I-I’m not tha-” her protest died in her throat when he gave her an irritated look.

“Mhmm. Enough.” He began to lead her towards the door leading them back to the rooms. “Now, let’s get you dried off and in some warm clothes. Would you like to sleep in my room or yours?”

“Yours please, Sir.” She smiled as he kissed the top of her head.

“As you wish Princess.”

****************************************

FINAL TOTALS FROM THE BETS:

Dorian: $75 (Because Aedion had some fucking opinions)

Manon: $40 (Because Lys and Aedion studiously ignored eachother after being called out in the group chat

Asterin: $40 (Because Aelin was a stumbling mess- though curiously Rowan remained calm)

****************************************

TAG LIST:

@http-itsrebecca​ 

@highqueenofelfhame​

@feyrethedarklady​

@someonemagical​

@thebitchupstairs​

@over300books​

@starseternalnighttriumphant​ 

@musicmaam​

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@faerie-queen-fireheart​

[gayenerd]

Green Day Deals with the "Rock Star" Dookie 

by Tom Lanham 

(First appeared in BAM Magazine, March 10, 1995)

 Young, loud, and snotty equals beaucoup bucks? What pencil-pushing, graph-charting trend spotter could've predicted it? But the facts speak for themselves: As of late February, Dookie--the brattish, snap 'n' snarl Reprise salvo from Berkeley's sloppy punk trio, Green Day--has sold six million copies. Six million. Chances are, somebody on your block is jumping up and down in his living room at this very moment to the scrap-metal power chords and ardent apathy of "Longview," "Burnout," "Basket Case," or "When I Come Around" and getting lost in the teen abandon of these testy 22-year-olds--weasel-voiced, Montgomery-Clift-like charismatic singer/guitarist Billie Joe; tom-tom tribal percussionist Tre Cool (of the ever-morphing hair-color fame); and bassist Mike Dirnt (who survived Green Day's appearance at Woodstock '94, although several of his teeth did not). 

Yes, punk rock is a marketable phenomenon these days, leaving many involved with the music's initial late-'70s, early-'80s wave scratching their heads, wondering why it didn't take the first time around. Public reaction started as curiosity ("Hey, honey, c'mere and lookit these goofy, green-haired little whippersnappers in an insane asylum on MTV!"), but spiraled up to rock-diet necessity (Green Day just won Grammy and they're nominated for quite a few Bammies as well, including such categories as Outstanding Group, Outstanding Album, and Outstanding Song--"Longview" and "Basket Case"). The fact that they've been nominated at all probably sends a shiver up the old dinosaur backbones of Eddie Money, Huey Lewis, and Boz Scaggs, a time-creepy feeling of "Gee, what the hell do we do now?" Because this isn't just some flash-in-the-pan punk movement, folks--this is a youth movement; Green Day are, as they hiply term it, "bored in the 'burbs," and reaching out, through TV and radio, like some prodigal preachers to other American kids who sense the same slacker ennui. Obviously, we're talking truckloads of kids. 

Ironically, the more fame edges into the Green Day ruffians' lives, the more mature they seem to become. They've turned down all interview requests as of late, even People magazine, preferring to lay low until this tide of interest recedes. Billie Joe got married last autumn, and spent his honeymoon--not in any exotic, expensive locale--but in Berkeley's grand old Claremont Hotel. Cool recently became a father, and Billie Joe's child is due any day now. It's a responsibility they've both eagerly undertaken. Rob Cavallo, the boys' coproducer and A&R man at Reprise, swears they're "old souls, the smartest young kids I've ever met." It rings true. 

The first time I spoke with Green Day, in January of '94, Cool, Dirnt, and Billie Joe were lazing around their dingy basement apartment in Berkeley, sitting on chairs and couches with potentially painful springs poking through. Rock 'n' roll bubblegum cards were scattered across a coffee table, along with several bongs of various sizes, plus a four-and-a-half foot red plastic pipe dubbed "Bongzilla" leaned against a doorway. The only wall decoration, besides a Ren & Stimpy poster, was a Twister game mat nailed up in its entirety, presumably for high-schoolish humor's sake. 

When I'd met Billie Joe a few months earlier at a campus concert, his hair was dyed lime-green and featured squidlike tufts. Now it was dark brown, with only two tufts remaining, and both his ears and nose had piercings. Periodically during the interview, he'd ram a finger into that pierced nostril, rummage around, then stare idly at the resultant booger before flicking it on to the carpet. Cool wandered out of the rec room for several minutes, but returned, red-eyed, to proudly proclaim, "Lookit me! I'm stoned, dude!" Dirnt--when he wasn't strumming an acoustic guitar--kept watching their windowsill Sea Monkey tank, finally noting, "Hey, these Sea Monkeys look just like sperm!" 

Despite all these schoolboy, poo-poo wit trappings (dookie, after all, is kiddie slang for excrement), there was a sense of seasoned wisdom about them, a feeling that they were, as Cavallo postulated, truly old souls. Like the class clown who frustrates all of his teachers by also maintaining a 4.0 grade average, Green Day can afford to play because their work--brilliantly skewed three-minute pop songs, delivered with such vehemence and vitriol you don't dare doubt them--certainly speaks for itself. But, sooner or later, of course, the band has to speak for itself, too, so what follows is a set of excerpts from that first ratty-digs meeting, as well as a later chat with Billie Joe, sans sidekicks. How did Green Day take over the rock world in less than a year? That's the six-million-copy question, and hopefully we'll provide a few answers. 

* * * 

So punk is back, whether America likes it or not? 

BILLIE JOE: It's always been around, and everyone has their own interpretation of it. It's weird to actually call it "punk" again, when it's been there all the time. 

MIKE DIRNT: It's been springing up in little suburban areas, where people grab it and express themselves. 

TRE COOL: It's people who make a point of setting aside all responsibilities and just playing music. And doing fat joint after fat joint--you have to let go of things like paying rent, going to school, having a job. 

BJ: And, if you can't tell by my house, we don't have a very high standard of living. 

How does today's punk rock differ from its late-'70s cousin?

 BJ: I think it was all about art and fashion back then, really, because everyone who was a punk in England was in art school. I read an early interview with Dee Dee Ramone, where he said he wished the Ramones had more of a glamorous appeal, too, instead of playing in jeans and leather jackets. But it was definitely about fashion, until the Clash really brought out the political side. Our music came from being bored in the 'burbs. You get put in this high school situation, where you're learning someone else's rules in a room with 30 other people that you don't really like. There's nothing interesting about it whatsoever, so you pick up a guitar instead. 

But you all tried college, at least for awhile, right? 

MD: And then we started touring. Constantly. 

TC: So most of our reading now comes from highway signs. 

MD: It's the old grasshopper and the ant story. The thought of actually working is just so... 

TC: Sickening! 

MD: Yeah. So we put everything we had into not working. This is what I do best, and I was always told, "If you're gonna do something, do it the best you can." So why not do the best thing you can, too? 

You guys--at least Mike and Billie Joe--have known each other since you were 10? 

BJ: And the first conversation we ever had was about writing songs. And then we just started playing music. 

A lot of the stuff on your early Lookout! records shows what was on your mind at the time--namely, girls. 

BJ: That was pretty much the viewpoint of a 16-year-old kid. I don't write stuff like that anymore. The new songs are more about coming of age and being apathetic and neurotic.

 Where were your parents when you were touring [at age 16]? 

MD: At work, doing their own thing. 

BJ: My mom's worked a waitress job for like the past 40 years or something, and whatever I was doing was OK with her. 

MD: I moved out when I was 15, and I worked all the way through high school. 

BJ: And me, I've never held a job longer than two weeks. I tried to flip pizzas--it didn't work. I tried cleaning toilets in the Red Onion in El Sobrante. Me and TrŽ, we used to work for the SF Chronicle, selling papers. I sold three the first day, and the next day we just smoked pot, and we smoked pot the next day after that. So we had hella extra papers lying around. Our ultimate goal wasn't to get rich or famous or anything like that. It was to not have a regular job and not be miserable. 

MD: And I've lived in every city around here, except for Albany. Literally. And one thing we want to establish about ourselves is that we're just a bunch of geeks from the suburbs. 

Well, one of the first times I saw you, you guys were closing your set with Survivor's "Eye of the Tiger." That's pretty geeky. 

MD: I grew up on radio--that's all I had. When I was a little kid, I couldn't afford records. I'll tell you, I've been down to a dollar in my pocket a lot of times. I've even lived in my truck. I can remember shooting rats with a BB gun in the flat we used to live in, before they'd make it to our food. 

BJ: I've always been really good about saving. If I got some money, I'd put it away instead of spending it, and I'd buy ramen. 

Why name your disc Dookie? 

TC: Warner's said we could do anything we want, as long as we didn't say "Cop Killer." 

BJ: Somebody told our manager that the ad for it was the most tasteless thing they'd ever seen in Billboard magazine. 

What exactly do you mean on Dookie by "Welcome to Paradise"? 

BJ, MD, TC [in unison]: West Oakland! 

MD: Living in West Oakland, and going out to parties every night. 

So it cost, what, around $100,000 to make Dookie? 

MD: Yeah. We kept the advances low, because you gotta pay all that shit back. Everyone knows you can't become an instant millionaire just by signing, because there are so many people that want a piece of you. 

BJ: We hang out with mostly punks though, and they don't want anything we have. They could care less. And a lot of our friends don't even agree with us being on a major label. 

Is Green Day angry? 

BJ: No, I'm not angry, like, walking around all the time with a frown on my face. But the way my music is interpreted is very angry. 

MD: When you feel really strongly about something, you want to let it out in the most powerful way possible. 

Like the way you baited your old high school principal from the Warfield stage recently? 

MD: I think he was an asshole. He treated me with no respect. And for high school initiation, we got our heads shaved--that's the kind of small-town shit we had to deal with! Sometimes they made you push a penny up the street with your nose. But that's life, and anywhere you go, you're gonna hate a lot of shit in your life. You'll be handed

Dookie? 

MD: Yeah. Yeah, you'll be handed dookie through all parts of your life. And see, what you need to do is just deal with the dookie, build upon what you have, and make something out of the dookie, you know? Like an adobe dookie building! 

* * * 

Several months later, and Dookie is oozing its gooey way into the public consciousness big time. The fading summer heat sticks crackling to the Berkeley sidewalks as punks--many sporting monstrous green or fuchsia mohawks--zing by on skateboards by day, and huddle in Telegraph Avenue doorways by night, conserving feral body heat the whole time. It feels like another world here, a throwback to the Bay Area's DIY/hardcore scene of the early '80s, when squatters reigned supreme and burlesque Broadway--fueled by all-ages shows at the Mabuhay Gardens, On Broadway, and even an occasional GBH or UK Subs booking at the Stone--made weekend conversions to "Punk Playground, USA." It was the best of times; it was the worst of times--despite relentless touring, most of these bands sold bupkus in the way of records, and few, save Metallica, ever held pen in shaky hand over a major-label contract. 

Billie Joe saunters into the Berkeley coffeehouse in rumpled jeans and a grease-spattered flannel shirt; his once-green-and-tufty tresses have grown out into Wally Cleaver waves and been dyed a Rod Stewarty blond. He looks like one of those feisty punks of yore; like he could hold his own through sheer physical endurance in the wildest of thrash pits. There's a new authority about him, the way he strides confidently to the counter, orders a pint-size glass of coffee, then swims through a sea of late-lunching yuppies to grab a table. The singer doesn't seem to notice them at all. Or maybe he's just too tired from nonstop touring to really give a shit. He smiles a goofy grin, revealing a set of generally crooked or chipped choppers, with an entire half of one front tooth missing. But there's such charisma behind it, the same kind of "Who, me?" innocence that little kids use. Billie Joe, you might say, has quickly become the Bart Simpson of the alternative set. 

How else could you explain his uncensored performance at a certain outdoor arena where--in a hyperspeed set lasting only 30 minutes before management threatened to pull the plug--he a) unzipped his fly and paraded his privates around for all to see; b) handed a stunned fan his beat-up, sticker-plastered guitar and urged him to play it; c) destroyed a $600 microphone by smashing it into the stage, then destroyed a second mike he was handed as well; and d) encouraged half the venue to chant, "Rock 'n' roll!" and the other half to respond with, "Shut the fuck up!" He then closed the show with a proposition--"They'll be really angry with us, but what we could do is rip out the seats!" he told the audience, which promptly gave Green Day a standing ovation. Billie Joe not only shrugs off such shenanigans as artistic license, he gets away with them! He's even encouraged to continue by fans who empathize with his uppity "fuck authority" attitude. 

But the facts were all on the table as Billie Joe sipped his house blend that afternoon, and it didn't take a fortune teller to read 'em. Green Day was hitting big time. Fast. And the sheer enormity of the undertaking, the weight of all its accordant responsibility, was just beginning to hit him. He looked older, wiser, and spoke in more grownup tones about his future, which then included a pending marriage to longtime girlfriend Adrienne. You could practically feel this new maturity encircling him like some protective aura. 

* * * 

=Where do all these punks on Telegraph come from? They can't all be local and homeless. 

I think Telegraph has just become this cultural mecca for punk rockers, because most of 'em who are on the Avenue aren't even from here. They're from Arizona, Minneapolis, New York, Florida. They just come out and end up squatting in houses in Berkeley. Why here? It's the climate, and the scene itself--Gilman Street and Maximum Rock 'n' Roll are in this area, and have a link to each other. But at the same time, it's separated, because there are so many different factions of punk now. There are the squatters, the pop-cores, the mods, the crusties. And all these types of people come out just to check it out. Plus, there's the best coffee in Berkeley, and a lot of 'em are real super coffee-drinkers, just pounding cup after cup all the time. It's pretty rare to come across a punk who doesn't drink coffee. I can't drink too much coffee myself--it gives me the shakes at night, so I just have a little bit during the day. Then I can smoke dope and go to bed. 

=What's the attraction in squatting or homelessness for these kids? 

For a lot of 'em, it's the first sense of freedom that they've had. It's like, "You mean I don't have to be home by midnight?" They've pretty much told their families and schools to go fuck themselves, so they go off and do their own thing. When I was 17, I did the same thing. And I had this total sense of freedom, where no one's telling you what to do, you don't have a clock to punch in on, you don't have people breathing down your neck; you don't have any deadlines to meet. You have this endless schedule where you can stay up all night drinking with your friends, or do anything you want. 

=But isn't "Coming Clean" about leaving behind your wilder ways? 

It's also about coming to grips with your sexuality. There's one line, "Skeletons come to life in my closet." And it's like, "Am I homosexual or heterosexual?" You go through this adolescent stage in your life where you don't really know what you are, and one side is taboo because your parents brought you up to think being gay was wrong. And if you come to grips with yourself, that you happen to be gay or bi or whatever, well, that was one thing about punk that was so accepting--all creeds were welcome, all sexualities, everything. 

=Was this something you went through personally? 

Yeah, to a certain extent. But I don't want to go around waving a gay flag or anything. 

=Well, you had a beautiful girl on your arm backstage at the last Green Day show. 

That's Adrienne. She's cool. Actually, we're engaged. That's why it took me so long getting here today--I had to get this! [Rolls sleeve up on tattooed arm, points to a bandaged-on cotton swab] Blood test, dude! We're getting married next week! 

=Has anybody tried to tell you you're too young for such a serious move? 

Of course. There are a lot of people who've said stuff. My parents have been a little more understanding than her parents. I just called my mom yesterday and said, "Mom, I'm gettin' married," and she said, "That's fine, son. Have fun!" I can hardly surprise my mother nowadays. But [this relationship] has been a recurring thing for the past four years, and we just decided to get serious about it. She's coming out here, and we're moving in together, so it's like, "Why not?" I don't really have any wild oats to sow, or anything like that. I'm not into the "Gettin' chicks all the time" thing.

 =I know a lot of girls who'll be really bummed that you're gittin' hitched. They all seem to have developed a crush on you... 

Me?! It must be the teeth [grins again].

 =OK, so maybe you didn't brush often enough when you were young. But you were busy developing a direction... 

I wouldn't necessarily say I had a direction or anything. I just knew I wanted to write songs. It comes from...uh...I don't know. I have no idea. It wasn't any kind of cosmic force or anything like that; it was just a matter of having a guitar around and wanting to play it all the time. I've had the same guitar since I was 11--I bought it off this guy at a guitar store. And I still play it--you know, the blue one with stickers all over it? That's my blue guitar, and, for some reason, things come to life, and everyone calls it "Blue" now--"Where's Blue? Can I pick up Blue and play it?" 

=And you let just anybody touch it? 

Oh yeah! Blue's not prejudiced. 

=It's interesting to note that the general public seems to think Dookie is your debut. 

Yeah, but that's just the general public. There are people who've been with us since the beginning, who know how long we've been around, since our first 7-inch came out back in '89. 

=And now you can afford to trash pricey microphones. 

Actually, Warner Brothers paid for those. It was pretty nice of 'em. They looked really nice--I remember looking at 'em and thinking, "Nice microphones!" They gave me one mike and I took it and threw it down, and they gave me another, and at the end of the set I creamed it pretty hard, I guess. We toured Europe with this band Die Toten Hosen--we played nine dates with 'em--and we got charged for a microphone every night. I dunno, for some reason we just started smashing shit. We'd start throwing equipment around at the end of each set, and these kids would start grabbing Tre's drum set and throwing it, and then they started smashing the microphones too. And the bouncers just couldn't do anything about it. 

=And you actually yanked your dick out onstage too? 

I did. Totally. It was the real thing. I dunno. The bands that we were playing with were just boring. It was more like making a mockery of the whole thing. The big arena rock thing is just so dated now, like Journey or Queen. Which is why I think punk rock started to begin with--it was this reaction to all the dinosaur bands. So for me, that show was, "How can we make a complete mockery of this but at the same time have fun with it?" I like to leave people guessing, "Did he hate that or did he like that?" It's not that I don't care--it's more that I'm careless. I try to be as happy-go-lucky as I can, but you can become apathetic at the same time. 

=Do you feel like Green Day is a part of, or represents, the so-called "slacker generation"? 

There's one side of me that doesn't mind it, because it's a generational thing, and another side of me that says, "Fuck that!" The reason I wrote the songs is, I ended up going back to Rodeo, where I'm from, for a week. And then I said, "Fuck it," and left. But I managed to get several good songs out of it. A lot of my friends had just turned into complete burnouts. And these are kids I've known since kindergarten, because it's a small town and you know everybody. And it was all fixing cars, staying up all night on methamphetamines, smoking dope, and finding out all these rumors about people I haven't heard of in 10 years. Like, "Oh, did you hear about so-and-so, who got married, had three kids, and ended up shooting everybody in his family?" And it happened! It was a true story! You're there for one week, and you get caught up in it. You get so bored, all you wanna do is watch television. And there are no record stores, nothing around, so you end up hanging out with all these delinquents who aren't punkers at all, just cultural idiots. So I was watching all these people rot and rotting with them until I realized, "Shit! I gotta get the fuck outta here!" 

=As they say, you can never go home again. 

Oh yeah, definitely. Unless you get pregnant, like my sister did. Then you have to go. But I quit school my senior year--I just wasn't getting anything out of it. I was taking nine periods a day, plus night classes, which left me no time to smoke dope whatsoever. And my mom even suggested I drop out, because she was a dropout, too. I come from a long line of dropouts. I still have nightmares about being late with my homework assignments. When I finally went in to sign out of high school, the teacher went, "Now, who are you again?" 

=And if that teacher could see you now! 

A lot of people think you get this big connection with a corporate label, and you make millions of dollars, but they don't understand that you just don't make that much money. And when you do, it's easy to piss it away. I mean, every cent that I've made, I've pissed away. I'm not gonna say how I did it, but I don't have it But I don't think you necessarily have to be a punk to decide to say, "Fuck it." You don't even have to have a direction. It's just a matter of getting the fuck out and exploring things for yourself. 

=But didn't you feel abject terror when you first set out on your own? 

Nah, I didn't. Because, for some reason, I knew things were gonna be all right. You can create your own future as long as karma's on your side. And I'm a strong believer in karma. I think things can come back to you if you're just willing to give. 

* * * 

True enough. At least six million times over!

1995 Tom Lanham

[havethetimeofyourstyles]

For Your Eyes Only

Would definitely recommend listening to If I Could Fly!

*gif not mine*

♫If I could fly, I'd be coming right back home to you.♫

"I miss you, baby."

"I miss you more, my love."

"Just a few more months then I get to come home."

"I've been counting down the days ever since you left."

"You're looking very comfortable in our bed."

"It's not as comfortable when you're not here."

"I'll be home soon, I promise. If I can be anywhere in the world right now, its to be with you."

♫I think I might, give up everything just ask me to.♫

"Jeff, you can't do this shit! It's not fair!" Harry yells, pulling his hair.

"I'm sorry, Harry, but there's no way you have time."

"We talked about this! We talked about this months in advanced. I informed you before we started planning!"

"The schedules got mixed up. I'm sorry, but there's nothing I can do, I already tried.” Jeff says in sympathy as Harry storms out.

Harry wipes his eyes and sniffles, "This isn't fair. I was suppose to be with you in two months and now they prolonged it to five? Why would they do that?"

"I'm sure it's not his fault, baby. Maybe he genuinely got the schedules mixed up." You say as your try to make him feel better.

"I just want to be with you. I just want to hold you." He says, looking into the camera.

"I know, love, I know."

"This is making me so stressed." Harry stands up from the bed. “Tell me you want me with you."

"Of course I want you-"

"Then tell me to leave. Tell me to leave everything here and fly back home to you. Tell me and I will drop everything without hesitation. I will do it in an instant."

"I know you will, baby, but I can't do that. That’s a lot to ask from me. As much as I want you holding me, I can't let you ruin your career. I can't do that. You're so passionate about it and you love it so much. Plus, your fans? You love them and they've been waiting for so long to see you." You try to reason out.

♫Pay attention I hope that you listen, cause I let my guard down. ♫

He's always loved that about you; how you're so supportive in what he does.

You met harry when you were a student in uni. It was your last year and you had just passed your finals. A few friends invited you to a party that was organized in a hotel and the people invited were family members and close friends, so about 40 people were at the gathering. You arrived alone, heading straight to your friend, which she just so happens to tug your arm and introduce you to her cousin, Harry Styles. Of course you knew who he was, you had a phase when you were a teenager in high school. You were completely shocked, also because your friend didn't tell you that she was related to harry.

"You're very pretty." Harry says shyly.

"Thank you so much, you're very handsome." Harry blushes at your comment.

The rest of the party, it was simply you getting to know him personally, and him getting to know you. as the night ends, it was all time to head home.

"It was really nice talking to you." Harry says as he walks you to your car.

"Likewise. I had a nice time." Harry smiles.

"Listen, I don't do this often because people tend to take advantage of the fact that my career is my career, but I would love to see you again. I've never had anyone listen so deeply to what I had to say and I really appreciate that. I've also never told said some things out loud, so you're the first person to know some things, and it may be a little risky to do that, but I trust you."

You smile, "Thank you so much for trusting me, Harry, and letting your guard down tonight. I really appreciate you sharing your stories and experiences."

Harry sighs sadly, "But I'm passionate about you and I love you so much."

"And I love you so much more, but we'll get through this. The next five months will go by quick."

Harry nods and agrees for the sake of agreeing.

♫Right now I'm completely defenseless. ♫

"I just want to be with you and our little one."

You rub your stomach and smile at his words. You're four months pregnant, and you and Harry are extremely excited to start this new chapter in both of your lives. You fell pregnant a few weeks after yours and harry's third year anniversary as a married couple. You both agreed to just spend it inside, cooking, baking, and watching movies, and once the night was coming to an end, he spent the rest of the night loving on you and vice versa.

"We want you home too. She misses you so much."

Harry tears up, wanting to be home to his wife and daughter. "Put the phone next to her." He waits until he sees your stomach, "Hi baby girl, it's your daddy. I miss you a whole lot. I'm sorry I can't be there right now, but I will be very soon. I miss talking and kissing you every night, but we have a few more months and I'll be right beside you everyday, I promise."

You tear up at his words, wanting nothing more than to hold him and stop his crying. Once he's done talking, you bring the phone back to your face.

"And for you my wife, thank you for understanding every single time. I've said this a million times, but I just want to hold you in my arms with the comfort of our baby. I'm just nervous and scared that I won't be there in time when you she comes."

"Of course, Haz. And don't worry about that. You will make it on time, and if you don't then that's completely okay, we'll just have to have another one." You say winking, trying to lighten the mood up.

Harry chuckles, "God, I've missed you."

You both talk for a few hours before it was time to end the call and sleep another sleep closer to him coming home.

The next four months went by smoothly. Harry facetimed you every single day to talk to you and the baby. You facetimed him when you were out buying last minute things for your daughter that was due in the next month.

At the end of your eighth month, you're preparing for the arrival of your baby girl. You organize the little baby clothes that you bought and starting putting them into drawers.

You then sit in the rocking chair due to exhaustion and start rubbing your stomach.

"Almost there, bubba." As you're rubbing your large belly, you feel like something's off. you want to ignore the feeling, saying that it's nothing, but you can't. So you get up, grabbing your stuff, and heading out.

"Hi Harry, you're probably on your way to your hotel or you just landed, but I just wanted to let you know that I'm at the hospital. Something didn't feel right, so I wanted to make sure everything was okay. I'll keep you updated. I love you, see you soon."

As soon as you end your voicemail, you hear your name being called. You've done this procedure many times. The cold gel spurting onto your stomach as the nurse rubs it around and looking at the monitor. It takes her a while to say something and you also look at the monitor, trying to see what she sees.

"Uhm," she clears her throat, "I'll be right back." She leaves the room and you can't help the shakiness of your hands. Soon enters a doctor.

"Hello, let's see what we have here, shall we?" You nod, not trusting your voice.

The doctor rubs around with the probe. He hums and puts the probe down.

"Listen, we're going to have to perform an emergency c-section." Your eyes immediately feel like they're going to fall out.

"W-what? Are you sure? I don't want that!" You feel tears prickling your eyes.

"It's the only thing we have to do for your baby to make it out alive. You see, we couldn’t find the heartbeat, so she's not breathing and you came in just in time for us to perform this surgery." You feel like you're about to vomit.

Your baby isn't breathing.

♫I've got scars, even though they can't always be seen. ♫

The nurses told you that you'll be awake the whole time while being under the anesthesia because it's just suppose to numb you. They said it would take about 45 minutes for the whole procedure and you trust them that it's no longer than that.

You've just gone numb and it was time to cut your stomach open.

You turn your head to the side as you talk to a nurse and she's happily talking to you back.

"Where's harry?" You say loopy.

"I'm not sure, he might be on his way, but we don't know where he's coming from. Do you know?"

"He's coming from Washington D.C. He has a show there."

The nurse nods, hoping he'll be here quick.

"Do you know if he's going to make it on time?" You ask.

"We'll see, love. All in good time." You nod at her response, just wanting harry to be here.

♫And the pain gets hard, but now you're here and I don't feel a thing. ♫

You both chat for a few minutes, until you don't see the nurse anymore. She steps aside and Harry comes into your vision.

You smile, "Baby."

"Hi my love, I'm sorry I couldn't be here sooner." He gives your forehead a kiss.

"It's okay."

"How're you feeling?" He asks.

"Better now that you're here.”

Harry blushes, "Well, I'm glad."

You and Harry talk for the rest of the procedure. Both of your eyes never leaving each other. Harry only takes his eyes off you when your baby is out.

Like the doctor's prediction, the umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck. Harry's heart is pumping out of his chest as he sees the doctors getting her to breath. They squeeze a suction in her mouth and try warming her up. Harry feels as if he can cry any minute as he's witnessing the second love of his life being brought to life.

And soon enough, his baby girl starts crying. Harry's shoulders relax and turns back around to look at you again.

He kisses your forehead, "She's here, love. Our baby is here."

You smile in content, happy everything went okay.

And everything went black.

♫For your eyes only, I'll show you my heart. ♫

Harry sways while holding his daughter in his arms. It's 3 in the morning and she's about 3 months old. He heard her through the baby monitor as she cries.

He isn't wearing a shirt because he loves the skin-to-skin contact he gets when he's holding her. It makes him feel closer to her and he admires the way her cheek lays on his chest.

Harry hums as he bounces his baby lightly. She won't go to sleep, but she has stopped crying. She looks up into his eyes in the dim lighting. His eyes light up and presses a small kiss to her nose. She flutters her eyes at him. Harry's sure he's never seen anything cuter in the world.

“I just wanted to say how much I love you, princess. Ever since I found out your Mumma was having you, I was so ecstatic. Mumma and I were already so happy with each other, but we didn't know that we needed you here until now because you're the perfect cherry on top in our lives. And I promise you from this day forward, I will show you and teach you everything you need to know. I will open my heart up to you and protect you from the cruel world we have. But i know you will be the sweetest, kindest little angel in the world and the world needs angels like you."

His baby girl falls asleep to the sound of her father's voice. She smiles in content hearing her favorite man's vocals as she sleeps soundly.

Harry puts her back in her crib and quietly walks out and into the bedroom. He climbs back in bed getting comfortable behind you as he holds you. You turn around to meet your teary eyes to his.

"Why're you cryin', love?" He says concerned as he wipes away your tears.

"Heard what you said to our girl." Harry nods and smiles, kissing your forehead.

"Meant every word of it."

"I know.” You smile.

Harry then starts to tear up again, a few tears streaming down his face.

♫For when you're lonely, and forget who you are. ♫

"What's wrong?" You ask, confused with his sudden reaction.

"I-I'm just sad I got to miss out on your pregnancy. I missed out on watching you grow in front of my eyes.” He cuddles into your neck and you wrap your arms around him.

"Shh, shh. It's okay, baby. As long as your here now and forever, I'm happy."

"It's cause of my stupid job. It made me miss out on the preparation of everything. It takes up almost all my time and when I come home, everyone is already asleep. Plus, some of the shittiest articles are released about me, but they're not true... they're not." Harry frowns.

"Haz, don't call your job stupid. Yes, it makes you be away from us, but your job makes you do what you love. Those fans make it happen also. And I know the articles aren't true, baby, but fuck what they think. All that matters is what you think and I will always be here to remind you who you truly are if you forget. I'm here to support you through thick and thin."

♫I'm missing half of me, when we're apart. ♫

"I'm so grateful for you. I truly don't deserve you." Harry kisses your lips softly.

"Yes, you do. You deserve all the happiness and love in the world, and I'm happy I can be a huge part of that."

"It's just I feel so bad for being away for so long. You had to go through almost everything by yourself, and I wasn't there. I just wanted to come home to you so bad. It felt like my heart wasn't complete and I wasn't myself when you aren't right next to me."

♫Now you know me, for your eyes only. ♫

"But now you're here, baby. You're home and I couldn't be any happier you're here with us. Don't worry about all of that stuff, what matters to me in this very moment is that you're here where I can hold you, and that you're happy." You reassure him.

"I'm extremely happy." He smiles softly.

"So there you go! No need to feel bad about yourself or for me."

Harry nods in agreement. You smile and give a kiss to his forehead.

"You have my heart entirely. You're the only person who knows me inside and out, and I wouldn't want any other person who will treasure my heart like you do. You're made of gold and I have so much respect for the tenderness of your heart. I adore the amount of kindness you keep and I will forever value the words you speak, the way your mind thinks, and the way your body moves. You are an amazing human being, and as ironic my job makes me, I am for your eyes only."

say thanks to your moms (bio or not) for giving birth to you and tell her you love her!

this was something I wrote back in March as I was sitting in my developmental psych class

taking blurb requests for this! also taking other requests!