#chat reality is shaped by the people you care about.

[thenamessparkplug]

somewhere above nothing but miles below ok somewhere above nothing but miles below ok somewhere above nothing but miles above ok somewhere above nothing but miles below ok

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Someone New 1

No tag lists. Do not send asks or DMs about updates. Review my pinned post for guidelines, masterlist, etc.

Warnings: this fic will include angst, pining, romcom tropes, and some darker elements later in the series. Some triggers may not be specifically tagged. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This fic will contain explicit content. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: You've had a crush on your best friend for years, but you're slapped in the face with reality when he takes things to the next level with his girlfriend.

Characters: Steve Rogers, Thor

Note: please enjoy the first chapter!

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me.

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!) Please do not just put ‘more’. I will block you.

I love you all immensely. Take care. 💖

“No, no, not the pink, red,” you cup your hand over your ear pod, “exactly what it says on the order sheet.” 

Were anyone to see you, sitting in the dirt, with a brush in hand, all alone, they might think you’re a bit out there. You, talking to the air, dusting off a clump of soil, orchestrating your own voice with the bristles. You dip your head as you focus on what the voice in your ear is saying. 

“I’m not trying to be difficult,” you argue, “I put in the order weeks ago. A red bow. I have the receipt– I mean sure, pink or red doesn’t matter to me but it’s not my birthday.” 

“We’ll see what we can do,” the woman relents. It’s not exactly a triumph but as close to as you can hope. If it’s pink, you’ll just have to take the fall. The damn fondant will be devoured by the night’s end anyhow. 

You hang up with a double tap on the ear pod and your playlist resumes. You go back to trying to uncover the shape caked in layers of muck, turning the brush to chip away the rougher bits with the pointed tip. The work is tedious but it has to be. You can’t risk damaging the relic nestled inside. 

The abrupt chiming of your ringtone once more sounds through the bluetooth earpiece. You huff and hit the pod with the heel of your hand. You greet the call with only your name. 

“Are you still on site?” Your boss, Arturo asks. 

“Yep, still here,” you still your hand and twist your arm, pulling back the end of your glove to see your watch, “just a bit longer. You know I have that thing tonight.” 

“Uh, yes, I recall,” he says dully as you hear paper shuffling, “you got time to chat?” 

“Sure,” you keep the cluster of dirt and the brush in one hand and use your other to push yourself to your feet, “I just gotta catalogue this before I finish the day.” 

“Well, I have good news and bad news,” he begins as you carefully walk between the cordoned off patches. The whole place is a maze of where and where not to step. You go into the tent and put down the half uncovered idol. It’s brittle, made of hide and yew, with a bit of bone. “Lucia is pregnant.” 

“Oh? That’s great,” you furrow your brow, wondering what that has to do with you. 

“Means she can’t travel for a while. She’s adverse to long term commitments at the moment so…” 

“So…” you trail off as you label the mound of dirt and make notes for the next day. 

“So, you want her assignment?” 

“Which one?” You peel off your gloves and shake off the excess filth. 

“Norway. It can be a bit dingy but the landscape is nice.” 

“Norway? For how long?” You close up the ledger and tuck it away on the shelf. You pass between the tables of artifacts as you pull out your phone. 

“Could be a while but I figured you never get to go very far. You’ve been pent up in-state for so long, you could use the vacation.” 

“Oh? Well, I…” you scroll through your phone and see the notifications. Emails confirming delivery, messages asking if everything is sorted. “I’d have to think about it…” 

It’s evasion more than indecision. You know you don’t want to go. You can’t go. Your whole life is here. You have an apartment and friends and… Steve. Your best friend.  

“Make sure you do think about it. It’s a great opportunity. Especially for a junior anthropologist. Lucia won’t be on leave forever.” 

“I know. I’ll think about it.” 

You hang up and pluck the earbud out. Ugh, you’re covered in dirt and dust. You don’t have time to go home and shower. You knew you wouldn’t. You have to be at the venue before everyone else. You can change there and try to wash up in the sink. Whatever, no one’s going to be looking at you anyway. It’s Peggy’s night. Yay. 

You lock the fence and tug one last time to make sure it’s secure. You drag your boots across the thinning grass to your car parked on a stretch of gravel. You drop inside and hit start. You connect to the bluetooth and get some tunes going. You buckle your seat belt as you check the mirrors. You’re probably going to have to speed there. 

You back out as the music blares from the speakers. It’s not loud enough to drown out your thoughts. Why did you agree to this? Peggy doesn’t even like you. Oh, but she likes Steve. She is his girlfriend and you are only his best friend. You’re supportive. You keep your mouth shut and smile. 

Ugh. You squeeze the wheel until your knuckles hurt. You know why you offered to help plan the surprise. You’re pathetic but you’re not delusional. It meant you got more time with him. There hasn’t been much of that since Peggy came along, not just the two of you. 

Classic, isn’t it? In love with your best friend. Friends since college. Friends forever, you vowed naively, thinking that forever would never come. Nothing lasts that long, you can only hope to outlast Peggy. 

And if you don’t, maybe this crush will finally run its course. 

💟

Red and white streamers decorate a long table set with trays. There’s a banner over it that reads ‘Happy Birthday, Peggy’, and a stack of gifts already forming in the corner. Guests drift in with anticipation as you hurry around to check off all the items on your list. 

You fix a small vase of flowers, trying to hide the droopy one in the back, and tug a wrinkle out of a tablecloth. You smile and wave at those who are early as you weave between them. You pull out your phone and lean it on the clipboard angle in the crook of your elbow. They’re on their way, okay. Keep it cool. 

As you come to the kitchen door, you nearly collide with someone else. Sam touches your arm gently as he keeps you from tripping backward. You gasp and hug the clipboard with a wobbly grin. 

“Hey,” you greet breathily, “you’re here.” 

You look down at the guest list and check him off. 

“Ah, figured I’d make an appearance,” he kids, “Rogers would take it pretty rough if his best pal wasn’t here.” 

“Please, don’t start that with Bucky again,” you warn as you point the pen in his direction, “the two of you, in fact, are seated separately.” 

“No fun!” He whines dramatically. 

You scrunch your lips at him and peer around. Yes, none of this has been fun. Caterers, servers, tables, space, food! Yes, you were going to check on the cake. Your sole squeaks as you twist sharply and go to slam your hand into the door. 

“Hey,” Sam blocks your way with his arm, “before you disappear, you’re still wearing your boots.” He points to your feet, “in case you’re wondering about the snail trail.” 

He sweeps his finger up in a gesture alluding to your previous path. You glance over at the dirt littered in your stead then down at your dusty boots. You sigh and hang your head back. 

“Fuck!” You snarl. 

“Don’t worry, I’ll find a broom,” he assures you, “while you take a breath. You need it.” 

“I can’t, Sam, they’re already on their way. I still have to get everyone in their place and… quiet,” you scowl, “ugh, this is gonna be so bad. I don’t know what I’m doing.” 

“So… why’d you do it?” He asks as he drags his hand away from the doorframe. You look at him and blink slowly. You shrug. 

“I’m a good friend,” you insist. 

He gives a skeptical hum and nods, “sure are,” he grumbles, “too good, if you ask me.” 

You throw up your hand before turning into the kitchen. You don’t have time to worry about him. Is he jealous that you’re helping Steve so much? Or does he know something else? You don’t let the seed sprout as you nearly cry out at the sight of the cake. 

A pink bow. Jeez. Of course. You check the cake off your list, nearly tearing through the paper. It’s better than nothing, even if Peggy never settles for less than the best. 

There’s no time to complain or send it back. Your phone vibrates again. Five minutes. Your heart is racing. Why? This isn’t even your party. You just want it to be perfect for Steve. You hate to disappoint him. Ever. 

You really shouldn’t care that much but you do. Like so many other things in your life. 

💟

The crowd can't keep quiet. There's a low buzz that ripples through the guests. A wave of anticipation that's spread like a deadly virus. 

You feel a nudge in your side and peek over as Bucky sends Sam a sneer and wriggles in place. Those two never let up. You hiss at them to quit and they look as guilty as a pair of unruly children. 

"He keeps tickling me," Bucky whispers. 

"No, I'm tryna fix his hair, look at this mess," Sam flicks a strand away from Bucky's cheek, "this is a nice event, Buck, not your living room." 

"Both of you," you warn.  

"You're bitching at me when Indiana Jones here brought the dig with her," Bucky mutters. 

You look down. Dammit. You still didn't change out of your boots. You roll your eyes. It's not about you. It's Steve's night. Er, Peggy's.  

You shake out your nerves and shake your head, "you two," you step behind Bucky and insert yourself between the men, "behave." 

"Yes, mom," Sam snickers as Bucky groans and tries to smooth the few shanks that have slipped free of his low ponytail. 

You exhale and give an exasperated look to the door. You really can't handle them on top of everything else. You just want this night to end already. All your hard work and you won't even get to enjoy any of it. 

"Everybody," Natasha hisses as she runs away from the doorway, "they're coming." 

The group quiets, as much as they can, a collective bated breath as you wait and listen. The lull is unbearable as the heat of the bodies around you pricks sweat down your neck and across your scalp. The door begins to open, almost as if in slow motion, and as the guest of honour is revealed, you cry out. 

"SURPRISE!" The eruption of the chorus has your head spinning as Peggy gives a melodramatic swoon, grabbing at Steve's arm as she leans on him heavily. 

She parts only to fan her eyes and squeal. "Oh my god, you guys!"  

She teeters on her heels as people holler happy birthday and her group of girlfriends flutter over to wrap her up in a cacophony of giggles and preening. You smile, a bittersweet twitch in your cheek as you watch her spin back to Steve and pull him into a kiss.  

You're happy for them really, proud to see all your effort come to fruition, but you just feel so hollow. For an instant, you think it should be you right there, gushing in glee over the celebration of another year, with Steve beside you.  

You gulp down the jealousy and wiggle your nose to ward away the tears. That's a stupid thought. If it hasn't happened in more than a decade, it's not going to happen now. 

💟

As the guests disperse into their own conversations, you finally manage to wade through to the happy couple. You approach with a small wave at Steve. He doesn't see you, he's watching Peggy as she chats with Natasha. 

"Hi," you call above the din, "so, you like it?" 

Steve turns to you, confusion stitching his forehead before he registers your questions. He nods and gives a smile, "it's amazing, you did so good!" 

The sparkle in his eyes, the perfect line of his jaw, the way he's looking at you, it makes your heart rend. You tilt your head and dig your toe into the floor bashfully, "thanks. I'm so happy to see it come together." 

"Um, the cake," he brings his index finger up, "I was hoping to bring it out soon." 

"Er, yeah, it's back in the kitchen. About that–" 

"Great," he claps your shoulder and brushes by you, "just gonna put the finishing touches on it." 

"Hm, what do you–" 

He's gone before you can finish your question. You deflate just a little, setting your feet flat as you sway aimlessly. The motion hooks Peggy's attention. You give a sheepish smile as you wring your hands. 

"Oh, uh, just came over to wish you a happy birthday," you chirp, "are you enjoying it?" 

"Ah, I didn't see you here, I thought maybe you were busy…" she gives a pointed look to your boots, "working." 

"Um, yeah, no," you fidget, "always happy to come support you two." 

"Where is Steve?" She gazes past you, shouldering by dismissively, "he was just…." 

Right. You nod and flit away in embarrassment. You can't say you ever got along with Peggy. Where you're accommodating, she's a bit too demanding. Different people, but you don't dislike her. You just don't mesh. Or perhaps it's just that you don't get what Steve sees in her. Especially when you're right there. 

Enough. This isn't about you or your stupid dumb heart. Just smile and go with it. 

The kitchen door swings open, a noise barely discernible above the hue, and the rattling wheels of a cart underline the steady drone. A lull washes over the crowd as they part. You move with the tide and face the sudden divide. 

A hush falls over the room as Steve pushes the cake across the floor. He stops before Peggy as she faces him, another feigned pout of surprise. He grins proudly at her as you stare curiously at the top of the cake. 

"Oh, pink?" She comments on the fondant bow as her eyes flick over to you. She quickly corrects herself an admires the double tiered dessert, "Steve, it's so pretty." 

You know she hates the colour. You recall the one time you wore a pink bow in your hair and she made a similar comment. Cute, she remarked in her roundabout way in her oh so sophisticated accent. 

You manufacture a smile and step closer as Steve beckons to the guest. Tension stills the air, almost paralyzing the crowd. You squint at the heart shaped box perched atop the bow. 

"Is this for me?" Peggy asks if it's not obvious. 

Steve nods, his cheeks tinting pink, as you notice how he wipes his palms on his pants. Peggy delicately takes the box from the pedestal of fondant and your ribs ache from the pounding of your heart. You curl your fingers until your nails dig into your skin as you watch him kneel beside her. 

She doesn't notice as she opens the box on its hinges. Her lips part and she stares at the contents. She looks over at Steve to find him on his knee and she claps her hand over her mouth. Her eyes gleam as she whimpers his name through her fingers. 

The scene hazes behind your tears as you stare wide eyed. Your ears ring as Steve's voice is dulled by your shock. 

"Margaret Elizabeth Carter," Steve's timbre warble just a bit, "will you make me the happiest man on earth?" 

You don't wait for her answer. You already know it. It's the very same you give in every outlandish dream you've ever had of your happy ending. You spin and storm through the crowd, blind with horror and self-pity. 

Surprise! Your whole world is crashing into pieces. 

[demonslayedher]

Did my rewatch with a friend, some observations either from me or both of us:

--Gotouge was deep in the "bean" period at this point in the manga, drawing especially Tanjiro's face in lumpy simple shapes on a regular basis. We suspect that in this season so far, Tanjiro's face has spent most of its screen time in silly mode as opposed to normal mode.

--Before we watched, I had her guess what she thought the vibe might be for the ending theme. "I don't know, foreshadowing all their deaths or something?" GIRL, HOW DARE YOU GUESS THAT RIGHT. Also, I'm so glad the full version of "Tokoshie" is already out because it's going to be super difficult but I can't wait to give it a shot at karaoke.

--We chatted afterward about Ufotable's choices. I feel like they've upped their show-offy game in this season (thicker lines, extended scenes, varied BGM and careful sound design, slow and deliberate filler, and lighting, lighting, lighting, lighting!), which might be somewhat to compensate for the slower story pace. It's simply reality that a lot of the hype for KnY has slowed (the Mugen Ressha era levels were unsustainable, of course, that was a phenomenon), and I know many people have gotten tired of it. But frankly, those people are not Ufotable's audience now; we the captives who love spending time with these characters are the target audience, and when things pick up again, those who took a break will come back and binge these seasons. I'm sad to see some hype die away, but I have no worries about the hype train totally dying down.

--And the love and care thrown into this production shows that they have every intention of giving the final arcs the care they'll require <3

--but also AOI!!! I loved the subtle restraint of that filler. It wasn't overdone, and it's so rare to see Tanjiro and Aoi have a moment together, and to see both how Aoi has relaxed in his presence and how she remains formal. That irony and layered way of Tanjiro having no idea how he's helped her, and Aoi talking about herself in wanting to be left alone, but still finding a way to show that she cares about this person Tanjiro is talking about even though she has no idea who it is? Wonderfuuuullllll

--How softly Shinobu speaks to Kanao!!!!! The way Shinobu sits in shadow but Kanao is within reach of the sunlight!!!! (They put Kanao's hair on the same side as usual instead of matching the way the manga did this scene!)

--The glimpse in Tamayo's memories of Yoriichi encountering Muzan, the sound of his earrings tied with the sound of Tanjiro's earrings!!

--The same sort of layering in the ending theme!!

--YUSHIRO SCREAMING DESCENT

--Giyuu's face being cut out of view when he says he's not the Water Pillar

--EVERY BIT OF GIYUU AND TANJIRO INTERACTION, I'm sure Hanae Natsuki had so much fun being thoroughly obnoxious

--EVERY BIT OF GIYUU AND SABITO INTERACTION

--There is no mistaking Murata and I love that

--LITTLE GIYUU'S EEEEEEYYYYYYYYEEEEESSSS

--The height difference between Tanjiro and Giyuu in the Taisho Secrets

--Tanjiro was the one being overbearing and clingy in the episode and now in the Taisho Secrets we've got Giyuu thoroughly in "Kamado Tanjiro is my friend" mode, like "...Come eat more soba with me. Oh. Then. Come eat shake daikon with me. Are you coming? You're coming! Are you done yet? I'm staring at you from the side of the screen. I'm waiting. Come on. Hang out with me."

--I was gonna say the Taisho Secrets were obvious this time, but my friend (who has read the manga and just watched this episode with me) said, "oh, I didn't know that side was from his sister!" So... alright, good call, then, Ufotable.

--Ok but as Tanjiro is first showering Giyuu with kindness (and indeed, sitting so much in Giyuu's personal space), I was thinking about Giyuu's smile in the Taisho Secrets (shake daikon, yay~), and my friend said, "You know what this is making me think of? That panel at the end of the manga when..." --when he's smiling, I thought-- "...he thinks Tanjiro is dead." NO STOP WHY DID YOU DO THAT ME

--Love that little addition of Tanjiro cheerfully pointing out how quiet it's been, and "no! No demons here!" TANJIRO, YOU SHOULD BE VERY, VERY WORRIED ABOUT WHAT THIS MEANS

--"Now want about Tomioka-san" "What's Kocho doing?" UFOTABLE STOP THE DOOMED GIYUSHINO HURTS

--WHAT A CLIP TO END ON AND PLUNGE US INTO THAT ENDING THEME

--rude

[clubdionysus]

[BAD DECISION #49] Stooping

warnings: a wedding! how delightful! koo in a suit! delicious! our starluvrs subtly matching!! yummy! what an apt time for romance!! hayun >:( a wedding is no place to argue!! and yet..... lol. discussions of noses!! pda??? what is happening?!

notes: just one tonight bc tomorrow you get a lurveeely lil bunch of chapters <3

wc: 10K

bd total wc: 540k (ongoing)

AO3 | MASTERLIST | MINORS DNI

Jeongguk has always been gentle: with you, with your feelings, with your body. This morning, he seems even more so, almost like he's cautious. 

In all reality, it's just gone six in the morning, and he knows he's waking you before you're fully rested. Feels bad. Is why he's brewing coffee in a French press in the kitchen, ready to wake you up a little. 

Quiet as can be, he's letting you hold onto those final moments – but when he glances over to his room, and finds you wrapped up in his duvet, leant against the doorframe, he knows he's failed.

"Sorry," he whispers. Offers a small smile that you reciprocate, eyes all blurry, face a little puffy. "Did I wake you?"

Shaking your head, you lie. "Think I'm just nervous about today."

"Why?" He grins as he begins to pour the coffee into iced cups – not quite your usual americano, but the closest he can get without leaving his apartment. Isn't dressed for it. Left his shirt in his room, along with everything else except for the Calvin's keeping him decent, and the glitter of yours dappled all over his skin. "It's not like you're the one getting married."

There's a sweetness to his voice, with no annoyance in his posture nor expression when you dump the duvet on the floor. The shirt he'd left in his room is now on your body, and Jeongguk marvels at the sight of you. Hair a little lopsided, your glitter is smudged all over your cheeks, making him smile. He'd picked you up after a shower yesterday, yet you're still covered in it.

"I don't know," you shrug, hopping up on one of the barstools opposite him. "Big day, isn't it?"

A cowlick of hair sticks up from his head, making him look like the sweetest sprout ever known. Cheeks full, his face is a little puffy, too. You both need water far more than you need coffee.

"How so?" He asks, as if he doesn't know.

"'Cause nobody knows you're obsessed with me yet."

Jeongguk's pretty sure they've known for months, now.

"More like you're obsessed with me."

"No," you hum, sitting up a little straighter. "To become obsessed is to lose yourself, and I am not a loser."

"Yeah, you are."

"Am not," you protest, but there's a tranquil smile on your lips.

It's impossible to lose with Jeongguk, you think. Impossible to have him and not consider it a win. A monumental win, at that. A win for yourself. For your heart. Against Hayun, too, but you're trying not to think about her.

Her message sits delivered in your otherwise unused chat feet. Part of you feels like Nabi had encouraged her to send it for the sake of Seoyeon, and while you don't want to be difficult, you also don't feel like peace needs to be made.

See, peace would indicate harmony. No ill feelings – but you know damn well if you have to greet Hayun with anything more than a smile and simple hello, you'll feel like an imposter in your own skin.

Small talk is reserved for the people you care about, not those who destroy people you care about. Doesn't matter how things currently stand. She was awful to your favourite person in the whole entire world. How she treated him just makes no sense to you in any way, shape, or form. He was born to be adored, you think.

You're no saint, and you've had your fair share of disagreements with Jeongguk, but all your arguments have been fundamentally human. Issues borne of miscommunications, or hurt feelings. Unintentional upsets.

What she put him through was cruel. Inhumane.

So no, you won't give her the time of day, and if anyone suggests you do, you'll simply smile and move the conversation along.

Jeongguk's nattering on about the wedding – how he's not sure how to do his hair, so you tell him that he should wear it pushed back.

"You think?" He contemplates, pulling at a strand just above his eyes. Tries his hardest to look up at it.

"Yeah," you nod, knowing that he's not really asking, as such. He wants to be told what to do. Doesn't want to make the decision himself, 'cause he's already a little anxious about the responsibility bestowed upon him as the ring bearer. "You always look really nice with it pushed back."

With a slightly bashful smile, Jeongguk nods. "Okay. Let's go get ready, B."

As Jeongguk's tyres crunch to a halt on the gravel of the driveway, you're a little bit blown away by the grounds of the venue you're in.

A chapel wedding never would have been Yoongi's taste. It's not his style. Likes tradition, hates establishments. He'd found a kindred spirit in Seoyeon; a love for the less than typical. A desire to do things a little bit differently.

A string of Joseon-style Hanok houses sits in acres of sprawling countryside. Though they're obviously newly built, the style is so perfectly in keeping with traditional architecture that you wouldn't be surprised to see the scene in a historical drama.

The oak timbers are varnished, but unpainted; golden beneath the mid-morning sunshine. Lush grasses and shrubbery paint the landscape in the most beautiful hues of green, with dragonflies flittering around in the long spikes. There's a pond nearby, you're certain.

"This place is gorgeous," you say quietly, amazed you haven't ever come across it before – but why would you? Marriage has hardly been near the top of your to-do list, and checking out wedding venues for sport was abandoned the first time Seokjin cheated on you. It hasn't been indulged in since then.

Something about being here, Jeongguk beside you, makes you curious. Maybe there are new places that have opened up.

Seokjin had always been keen on a church wedding whenever you spoke about hypotheticals.

You've never wanted a church wedding.

You wonder what Jeongguk would want; if he'd even want one at all.

"It sure is something," he agrees, as he twists his keys off in the ignition but makes no attempt to get out of the car. "This is just where we're sleeping. There's a pagoda a little further along where the ceremony is happening."

You nod, unsurprised. These are just little dwellings, no matter how beautiful they are. You're sure the pagoda will be far more befitting of a wedding ceremony.

Silence fills the car as the radio cuts out, Jeongguk pulling the keys from the ignition. Neither of you care to fill the space. You're too fixated on the view in front of you.

Jeongguk's distracted too, but not by the view, no matter how pretty it may be.

A hundred and one thoughts run through his mind, but the one he can't seem to shake is how on earth he's gonna survive the day in a state of 'just friends' with you.

Of course, he'll be able to do it. Has done it for months – but fuck, all he wants to do in your presence is hold your hand. Steal kisses. Do things no one would question, if they knew you were together.

But you're still, on a technicality, not.

He's supposed to be sharing a room with Jimin tonight. When the place had been booked, it still hadn't been decided if you'd be sharing with Danbi, but as the months passed, it was blatantly obvious she'd be sharing with Tae.

But Tae was supposed to be with Namjoon, which left two options: either you or Namjoon should stay with Hoseok. At the time, the sensible choice was you should room with Hoseok. That's how the plans had transpired, and are the intended sleeping arrangements for the evening.

And it's been driving Jeongguk mad.

He likes Hoseok. Likes him a lot. Doesn't know him well enough to know that he's mildly repulsed by the idea of ever being intimate with you, because unlike Jeongguk, his boundaries as a friend stop short of sexual attraction. Like a normal friendship should.

He'd rather you weren't rooming with Hoseok, but he's hardly gonna cause an issue out of it.

What he is gonna do, however, is have periodic tantrums about it throughout the day's events. Nothing super obvious. Just a slight pout of his lips, or a furrow of his brows when he thinks about it occasionally.

Much like he is now, when you ask, "Do you know which room is assigned to who?"

"Names are on the doors," he simply says, knowing that's how Seoyeon intended to arrange it.

He thinks he's subtle in his mard. Thinks you're none the wiser. Believes he's good at hiding how he feels about it all.

Or at least he does, until you start laughing, "It's one night, Gguk. You can survive without me for a night."

"No, I don't actually think I can," he replies without missing a beat, decidedly needy in his lack of denial. "In fact, I think I might-"

"You're not gonna die," you smile, reaching across for his hand. He doesn't resist as you pull his knuckles to your lips, pressing a pretty little kiss upon them, then lowering them to your lap. Your clasp is warm. Welcome. Just like home. "It's just a night-"

"Just a night," he echoes, before arguing against you. "Just a night where you're gonna look all fancy and nice and I'm gonna have to know another man is taking you to bed-"

"He's not taking me to bed!"

"Well, then he's a fool."

"Shut up," you laugh, squeezing his hand a little tighter. "Hey, look at me." He doesn't. "Gguk, please."

As much as he wants to stay stroppy, he just can't say no to you. Glances in your direction. Finds his tense posture easing as he takes you in. Chocolate brown, his eyes are so dark you half think they'll swallow you up entirely.

"What?" he pouts.

"You'll survive the night," you assure him. "And Hobes has, like, the biggest crush on Joon."

This is not news to Jeongguk. He has eyes, and has spent time in the presence of them both. Is pretty sure that the crush is mutual. In fact, he's sure of it. Has never known Namjoon with a crush, but he's pretty sure that the way he gets a little tongue-tied around Hoseok is prime example of what it would look like.

"Well then why don't they share?" Jeongguk frowns. He really is petulant when he wants to be.

"'Cause they're normal," you grin. "They have a crush, and they're still pussy-footing around it. They're not like us."

His frown intensifies. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"The birds," you simply state. "Gguk, we were combating intimacy from the get-go. Breaking down barriers. Hobes and Joon will be taking things at a normal pace. If they're into each other, sharing a room will be a big step."

Foolishly, you didn't think Jeongguk's frown could get any deeper.

It does.

It's not because he disagrees with you, not at all. It's just that he wonders if you've fucked it; if you've ruined the sanctity of the early stages of a relationship. You'll never get those special 'firsts' with him. Never have those giggly, girly debriefs with Danbi after sleeping over Jeongguk's for the first time. Won't remember the date of your first kiss (even if it was the early hours of New Years Day, and impossible for you to ever forget).

He knows that staying in the same room isn't a big deal for you two. Knows that sharing a bed is like breathing at this point. Loves the comfort that comes with being with you. Hates that perhaps you don't get that wave of excitement from it because of it being so familiar.

And so he nods. Accepts your words, and decides that maybe sleeping apart will be good for you. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and all that.

"You're right," he relents. Eases his frown lines as his head tilts back against the headrest. Lazily looking over at you, he squeezes your hand, now. Whispers, "I'll miss you."

He'd probably feel a lot better about it all if he knew that such a simple statement did, in fact, get butterflies swarming in your stomach. There's a sparkle in your eye as you whisper back, "I'll miss you too, Koo."

He grins now. With heavily-lidded eyes and a smirk that screams fuck me, he husks, "Don't call me that, B. You know what it does to me."

"Do I?" You banter back. Flutter your lashes like the dragonflies dancing outside Jeongguk's car. "What does it do, Koo?"

"B," he warns with a smile. "Don't."

"Don't what?" The hand of his that's being held in your lap is lifted. Repositioned; palm opened, then closed down on your chest. Encouraged to squeeze. Held in place by your own hand. He groans. Lets you dictate his movements – of which you very much do.

"Byeol," he whispers, now. "You'll kill me."

"I give you a reason to live," you flirt, because seeing him like this always gets you a little bolder. "No one else is gonna be here for another hour, yet."

"So?"

"So I know you cum in like 5 seconds flat-"

"Not true."

"-whenever you're touching with my tits."

"We-" he pulls his hand from your grasp and places your hands in your lap. Holds them there. "-Are on a shagging ban."

"But it's a special occasion."

Realistically, you're not vying for a shag. In fact, you'd be quite surprised if you were to end up in bed with Jeongguk at all, today. You're just teasing him. Winding him up because you can. Because you want to. Because it's important that he knows just how much you enjoy him in all capacities.

"You're a menace," he tells you. "A randy little gremlin."

"You love it," you tell him, voice playful.

He doesn't respond. Just gives you a look, that you interpret to mean, of course I fuckin' do.

"C'mon," he eventually sighs, regretful of the fact he has to spend time with people other than you. "Let's get our bags sorted, then you can get ready. I'll go find Yoongs."

There's an effortless nature to the way Jeongguk takes the lead; how diligent he is at getting from A to B. You know it's thanks to his job, and his studies, and the way he's gonna spend the rest of his career organising people and events, but something about it makes your tummy feel all fuzzy.

He's as dependable as the changing seasons; guaranteed. Competent, in the way he takes command of situations. It's not a trait you ever realised you valued until you met him. Had always been the driving force in your relationships. The one with the get-up-and-go attitude. It's nice to let your brain rest when you're with him.

You know his brain is probably going a mile a minute, but you also know that he somehow prefers to live like that.

And while it's true – he needs to be kept busy to keep himself from going insane – he does revel in the way you make him forget his stuggles. Nothing is ever too much trouble when you're within touching distance of him.

By the time you meet him at the rear of his car, Jeongguk has already swung his rucksack over his shoulder and is reaching for your mini-suitcase. Taps your hand away as you try to intercept. Nods towards the garment bags on the backseat, instead.

"Can you grab them?" He asks, voice soft, his lack of verbalised 'please' made up for with his puppy dog eyes.

"Sure."

He would have gotten them himself, but he knows you'd have insisted on doing something. This way, he does the heavy living, and you don't complain. A win-win.

Chatter comes naturally between you both as you make your way up the wavy stone path to the hanok. Set in a horseshoe formation, there's a small water feature in the centre, trickling ever so peacefully.

You're looking at your feet, avoiding the cracks, when you accidentally walk straight into Jeongguk.

"Steady on," he smirks, glancing over his shoulder.

"You don't stop in the middle of the road! Basic highway code," you tell him, certain that it's a universal rule of all roads.

"Okay firstly, this isn't a road-"

"The Romans would disagree."

"The Romans didn't know shit about Korea," Jeongguk laughs. While you know he's correct, you're a little curious as to what other trinkets of knowledge he's got hidden up inside that brain of his. He doesn't strike you as a history buff, but he also didn't strike you as a chess player, either. "But secondly, I was trying to figure something out."

Coming to stand beside him, you follow his line of vision. Tilt your head. Realise exactly what he's looking at: Your names, on the doors of the rooms next to one another. Close, but not close enough for his liking.

"Could always just switch them," he suggests. "Be together."

"Together?" You chirp, as if it's a foreign concept. Play up the idea that maybe it is. "Why would we be together?"

Jeongguk looks down towards you. Smiles. Gives you no verbal response, but you don't really need him to. Is so curiously smitten with your need to downplay how much you mean to one another. He presses a kiss to the side of your head, then heads towards the designated room. Calls back, "So are we still pretending like we're not together?"

"We aren't together," you assure him, smile as wide as the sky is blue. "You haven't asked me yet."

Turning as he reaches the door, his smile makes his lip ring do the thing . "It's a group activity, B. You could always ask me."

He's got a point. You're just as responsible as he is. It's sort of like you're both playing a game of chicken; edging one another closer and closer to the point of no return. Truth be told, in some sadistic, twisted kinda way, you enjoy this back and forth. The certain uncertainty.

It's an inevitable fact of life, at this point. You will be official - but you're both secure in that knowledge and enjoy toying in this slight state of limbo. Makes it fun. Exciting. Dangerous, yet entirely safe.

"Anyway," Jeongguk derails the conversation. Pops your bags by the door of your room, and leaves his door ajar for you to put his suit inside. Pats his pocket to make sure the ring boxes are still there. They are. "You get yourself ready. I'm gonna head over to where Yoongi's staying. Check in with him, make sure everything's okay."

"How far away is it?" You ask, really not knowing much about the site.

"Ten minute walk," Jeongguk says. "Two minute drive, if that. Follow the road we came in on round a little further, and there's another hanok like this, which is where their families are staying," he explains. "The ceremony pavilion is a little beyond that, by the pond, and I'm pretty sure it's where the reception is, too. Can't tell you where the wedding suite is, 'cause I haven't asked, but like... I don't think any of us need to know."

You nod, and let out a soft laugh. "Yeah, you're probably right."

Families and close friends have a place to stay by the reception, but other guests will be staying in the neighbouring village. The sprawling countryside is gorgeous, and lends itself perfectly to the tranquillity of a wedding, but the location is a bit of a pain in the arse to get to. Takes a little commitment. Is perfectly apt for a celebration of Seoyeon and Yoongi's courtship.

Jeongguk leaves you to get ready, but only after he's made sure to kiss you half a dozen times. Knows he won't get the luxury later, so makes the most of it while he still can. Smiles as his lips press down into yours. Giggles, 'cause he can't articulate the way he feels. Tells you to fuck off when you smile at him as he walks away. Walks backwards so that he doesn't have to stop looking at you. Shakes his head, grin as bright as a burning star when you tell him to fuck off, himself.

He thinks about saying he loves you.

Bites down on his bottom lip instead. Presses a kiss to the tips of his fingers and sends it your way as he finally turns around. Leaves you with an aching heart. It's so full that it's weighing down on your ribs in a way you're not used to - and yet you'll take the strain. Like it, even. Never want to lose it.

The rest of your friends slowly begin to trickle in. All arriving within the hour, they're early, too. Are excited for the celebrations.

The room you and Hoseok are in is as you'd expected: pale walls, natural wood, floor mats instead of beds. Traditional internally, just like it is externally, there are no big frills or grand statements.

And there needn't be, for Hoseoks personality fills it with such warmth and colour that it's all you need.

"Oh," he grits his teeth when he sees the dress that you're wearing. "You need to get changed. We can't wear the same dress."

Rolling your eyes, you swat him out of the way of the mirror. He's already in the fitted suit he's wearing, though if anyone else could pull this dress off, then it's Hoseok.

Simple in its structure, the satin sage green dress hits the floor perfectly in line with your heels. A split runs up to your thigh, but it's mostly obscured. The cowl neckline paired with dainty bows on the tops of your shoulders makes it the perfect understated wedding guest dress - pretty, but not asking for too much attention.

A second dress remains in the garment bag, far flashier - sparkly - but upon seeing the location, you want to remain stripped back. Glitter still prevails on your skin like it always does, and your eyes rival the disco balls that you know will be present at the reception, but you have a feeling you'll look a lot more cohesive in photos like this.

After all, this is Seoyeon's day, and she has very specific colours in mind, so you know it must be important. Both dresses got her approval when you'd asked last week, but it's a head vs. heart decision. You'll save the sparkly one for another time.

"Y'know, you clean up well, Hobes," you tell your friend as you smooth the front of your dress down.

"You say that like it's a surprise."

Glancing to meet his cheeky smile in the mirror, you're quietly pleased to have him here with you. Despite how much you genuinely enjoy the company of everyone here (well, nearly everyone), without Danbi and Hoseok, parties are never as much fun. They're your people, you think. Always will be.

But when you think of it, so are the rest of them.

Perhaps none more so than the boy knocking at your door ten minutes before you're supposed to head up towards the ceremony.

"I was just about to head out," Hoseok subtly smiles, realising who it must be. "See you in a bit."

You bid him farewell, then refocus on the mirror in a feeble attempt to look unaffected by Jeongguk's presence as Hoseok welcomes him in. Left alone, Jeongguk tucks inside the door. Shuts it, but doesn't lock it. Just leans against it with his suited shoulder. Wants to break the silence, but struggles to find the words.

There's a silence to the room as he drinks you in; the way the satin of your dress rests against a body he knows better than his own at this point. No words can convey the 90's television static that's sounding in his head right now. Nothing could articulate the way it feels like his heart is melting like butter beneath his ribs; how he feels like he might just die from the sight of you alone.

Turning to face him, you're still preening yourself, obviously a little unsure. Ask, "Watcha think?"

If Jeongguk could think straight, he'd say you're the most gorgeous woman alive.

But he can't, 'cause he's utterly consumed. Says instead, "You'll get told off."

"Told off?" you frown, then worry that someone else is wearing the same dress.

He nods, unaware of your thought process. "The bride is supposed to be the prettiest person at a wedding."

Something about compliments like this from Jeongguk - a little mindless, and feral in his own, sweet way - makes your tummy feel all funny. There's not enough room in the bodice for butterflies, so you roll your eyes. Try to remain composed.

"She is going to be the prettiest person at the wedding," you assure him, then hold your hands out for him to join you in the middle of the room. It takes a second, but he eventually complies. Of course he does. Will do anything you ask of him.

The light brown of his tweed suit looks almost grey. Lends itself perfectly to accents of deep teal and sage alike. Was a strategic choice. Didn't know what colour you'd be wearing, but knew he wanted to look good beside you.

He's without a tie - you knew he would be, thanks to what little he did share with you about his outfit choice - and a few of his upper buttons are loose. The silver of his usual chain sits prettily on his collar bones, hair pushed back, just like you told him to style it.

Hands in yours, Jeongguk takes in the sight of you. Is so pleased to see the dainty silver bird when it usually is.

"You look great," you tell him, 'cause it's important he knows. You never would have chosen the colour of suit he's gone for, but it looks absolutely divine on him. In fact, you're quite pleased you left him to his own styling devices. Rarely ever think his outfit choices are rogue, so you're really not surprised - but you did bring something for him just in case.

Pulling away from his grasp, you reach into the garment bag, and slip a small offcut of fabric from the bottom of your dress that had been saved when you'd have alternations made. Sewn perfectly into the shape of a pocket square, you say nothing as you pull out the white fabric in his breast pocket.

Without interruption, Jeongguk lets you. Watches your hands as you neatly arrange the pocket square. Likes the way the fabric compliments his suit. Loves it, in fact. Would love it even more if he noticed the tiny embroidered star on the material that you've hidden towards the bottom of his pocket. Matching the fabric's colour, the thread is so subtle that you have to know it's there to clock it. A secret declaration: I'm yours.

"Green suits you," Jeongguk eventually says. Gently pushes your hair back over your shoulders. Cups your jaw. Kisses you just as softly as he compliments you.

"Suits you, too," you tell him right back.

"Ready to pretend like we aren't dating for a few hours?" He smirks, knowing you'll find this just as hard as he is.

There's something about his phrasing - the acknowledgement that you are dating - that has you shaking your head. Smiling, like the cat who got the cream. "Not in the slightest."

And there really is no need. Everyone knows. The only people you're deluding are yourselves.

But as you give yourselves one final glance in the mirror, and Jeongguk slaps your ass before he leaves, you're quite content in this denial. Like the bubble that you're living in. Don't want it to burst. Not yet.

You're relieved as you join your group of friends by the water feature, finally seeing what everyone's wearing. It's the reason you had two outfits. Was afraid to clash.

Danbi is in teal - a strapless, figure-hugging number that looks outrageously good on her.

Like you, Nabi is in sage. A little darker in its tone, her dress is far more structured, finishing midway down her calves. You'd be forgiven for thinking she belonged on a runway; enviably tall and impossibly beautiful.

Hayun is the last to join the group, uncharacteristically smiley. Unlike the rest of you, she's opted for a well-tailored pantsuit situation. Deep teal, she looks just as good as she always does, red lips accenting her choice perfectly. One thing is for certain: the photos of everyone together are going to look great.

The men are in classic suits, with little variation. Jeongguk's is the most adventurous by far, and it makes you a little sad you hadn't done anything 'extra'. Kind of resent the fact Hayun's chosen something unique, but have to remind yourself it isn't a competition.

Walking down the twisty gravel road to the pavilion, arm linked with Danbi's, there's a whimsical feel in the air. Giddy happiness. You get to witness true love do its thing right in front of your very eyes, and that is a blessing, you decide.

As you turn the corner, there's a collective silence.

Brilliantly beautiful, the ancient-style pavilion is breathtaking against the backdrop of lush spring mountains. Though cherry blossom season is over, some of the trees are still blossoming; white magnolia accenting the green in the most gorgeous of ways.

Unpainted, the pavilion boasts the natural colour of its timbers, much like the hanoks, and as you spot Yoongi nervously waiting at the end of the aisle, you can't help but smile. There's a strength that comes with pavillions like these, despite their beauty. No place is more apt for them to say their vows.

Though his face lights up when he spots you all approaching, it's not enough to shake the nerves. It's not as if he's got any doubts, nor is he worried about Seoyeon having cold feet. It's just wedding jitters.

As the boys greet him with handshakes, there's a formality between them all that has never existed before. Tearful eyes, tightly shut lips. Smiles, and stuttered laughter. It's all very endearing.

Jeongguk takes a seat on the front row beside Yoongi's family. Needs to be close for his ever-so-important ring-bearing duty. You watch on from the row behind, unable to look at anything other than the back of his head.

For all the beauty of the landscape, and the gorgeous venue, he's still the most breathtaking thing about this place.

Or at least he is, until the pianist begins to play the opening notes of something you don't initially recognise. It's not a traditional choice, but then again not much about Yoongi and Seoyeon's nuptials are. It's around the time you register that it's a rendition of Etta James' At Last that Seoyeon finally comes into view.

A vision in a champagne-coloured tulle dream of a dress, she's every bit the girl of Yoongi's dreams. Whimsical and winsome, she captivates in a way that only she can. Hair loose, her usual plaits remain scattered throughout her dark waves, to match the single plait in Yoongi’s hair. There's something slightly eccentric about Seoyeon, and yet she's entirely down to earth.

Her deep, dark eyes are a little glassy, focused on her husband-to-be. Trying his best not to cry, Yoongi is almost annoyed at himself for being so emotional - but how could he not be?

Breaking tradition once more, Seoyeon's sister, Seobi, walks her down the aisle, much like Yoongi's older brother is his only groomsman. After all, this day is about them, and them alone. They've got everyone they care about watching on, and that's enough. When it comes to the actual wedding, they only want to focus on one another.

As you watch on, you think they made the right choice. There's something incredibly special about how Yoongi and Seoyeon look at one another. A reverence you don't see too often. One that keeps you glancing to the back of Jeongguk's head.

He fidgets, you notice. Gets restless.

You're unaware it's because it's taking everything in him not to turn around and steal a glance in your direction. Doesn't know how to be near you without being close to you. Hates it. Wishes you were by his side.

And yet when the time comes for Jeongguk to pass over the rings, he's smooth. Calm. Collected. Everything he needs to be and more. Doesn't drop them, which is what you'd been fearing more than anything.

A wave of relief flushes over you as he takes his seat once more, his job done.

God, how you wish you were beside him so that you could give his hand a little squeeze. Nothing noticeable. Just a silent well done. Pride; shown in private, but not in secret.

Instead, you're forced to sit with an uncomfortable longing in your chest. A need to be closer to him. It's not a new feeling, per se, but it's definitely one that isn't usually as intense as it is right now. Something's changed.

The feeling is washed away with a roar of congratulations as the newly minted Min's share their first kiss as a wedded couple. Soft, serene smiles are plastered all over their faces from the pandemonium, but the kiss perseveres. It's the first of a lifetime, so they're gonna make it count.

When they finally pull away for air, Seoyeon's hand is raised into the air, Yoongi's hand hooked behind her back as she cheers in pure delight. They really are the perfect tale of compromise, struggle, and fruition. A romance that has endured. 

It's been an honour to witness it - and as Jeongguk silently walks beside you to the reception, you can't help but be glad you're experiencing it with him.

Tables arranged in seating groups of six, you're pleased to find yourself sitting with Danbi. You've been assigned one of the top tables, with Seoyeon's sister and her other half, Dokyeom. Naturally, the remaining spaces go to Jeongguk and Taehyung.

Every bit as ethereal as Seoyeon, Seobi is a little more put together than her sister. She's got the height in her family, and a slightly better poise, but also has a look about her that lets you know she's just as much fun as Seoyeon.

Dokyeom looks like he's been copied and pasted out of the pages of an Italian fashion magazine documenting Milan Fashion Week. With a sharp nose, and just as strong jawline, you're surprised by how much he softens when he smiles - and given that he smiles almost every single time Seobi speaks, it's like having sunshine bottled up and put on your table. He even gives Hoseok a run for his money (but you'll never tell him that).

"So," Seobi says over wine between courses at dinner. Has been ever so chatty and curious about both you and Danbi. Though you're new to her, you're clearly important to Seoyeon - after all, the wedding party isn't that massive. Just their nearest and dearest. She glances towards Jeongguk, who's currently embroiled in some hot topic with Dokyeom. "How long have you guys been together?"

What a great question , you think to yourself, trying not to let the panic on your face show - but your pause sort of gives it away. You glance over to Jeongguk now. It's quick, but not quick enough for Seobi not to notice.

"Oh, unless, you're not?" She laughs a little.

You grit your teeth a little bashfully, then say, "Let me confer quickly."

Squeezing Jeongguk's arm, he's instantly pulled away from the conversation he's in. Hastily apologises to Dokyeom, then looks towards you.

"Yeah?"

And it's probably just because you're tipsy and this is all so stupid, but you find yourself absolutely enamoured. Grin, as you ask, "How long have we been together?"

Jeongguk pauses. The chatter around you both fades into silence. There's no one else in the room, as far as he's concerned. A smirk lingers on his lips. "Together?"

"Mhmm," you say quietly. "Seobi asked."

He turns now, the room chatter quickly clattering back into his ears. With a small smile on his lips, Jeongguk says to Seobi, "Like, a year. She's been playing hard to get, though."

With that, he dips. Rejoins his conversation. Leaves you with an incredulous look of bewilderment on your face.

"That's a long time to play hard to get, girl," Seobi laughs - but she also knows Jeongguk reasonably well by now. Was around during the Hayun days. Is pretty sure Jeongguk exclusively goes for girls who won't give him an easy win. "I'm impressed."

You know you could deny it. Could say he's making up. That you aren't together.

But it's a nice reality to think he's been yours for that long.

Deflecting the conversation back to her, you get the details on her and Dokyeom; how she actually met him through Jeongguk, and how they've known each other for years. Tells you about their awkward limbo between friendship and relationship, and how it's the best leap of faith she's ever made.

"Didn't believe him at first," she admits. Sips on her wine, and says, "Thought the idiot kept getting his heartbroken, but turned out the girls he was dating kept asking him to choose between me and them."

"And he always chose you?"

She nods. Looks smug, but incredibly sweet about it. Is just proud of the man she gets to call hers. "And he always chose me. He just never told me. Thought I'd figure it out."

It's sort of a blessing to hear that not everyone has the fairytale coming together like Yoongi and Seoyeon, or the slightly less romantic but still incredibly straightforward coupling of Taehyung and Danbi. That maybe your history with Jeongguk will be the making of you, not the downfall.

You almost choke on your wine when Seobi follows up with, "The she-devil given you any grief over it?"

It's now that you realise the most stark difference between Seoyeon and Seobi: their temperaments. While Seoyeon is a peacekeeper, Seobi has no time to entertain people she deems a threat to those she cares about. Knows of Hayun doing one too many shady shenanigans in the past to think that she's good for anything other than drama.

"Given that you don't need me to mention her by name, I'll take that as a yes," Seobi smiles, reading your expression perfectly. Rolls her eyes.

"It's not been so bad," you downplay the gravity of her impact.

"She told Dokyeom he could do better than me, once," she says, the taste of the words bitter in her mouth. Glares ever so briefly in the direction of Hayun's table. "Trust me, I know she's a cow."

"Why on earth would she do that?!" You almost gasp. It's one thing feeling possessive over Jeongguk, but another guy? Who she'd have known was friends with Jeongguk? Seems unreasonable.

"His nose," she says, deadly serious. So serious in fact, that you can't help but laugh - and then so does she. "It's true! She always goes for guys with great noses. I can't fault her. Jeongguk's ain't half bad, but it's got nothing on Dokyeom's."

"I'd beg to differ," you grin, appreciative of Dokyeom's nose, but thinking it can't compare. That's the thing though - of course you're enamoured with Jeongguk's nose just as much as she is with Dokyeom's. Goes with the territory.

"Well, you would," she grins right back. "But that's the thing, you actually give a shit about him. She was just a selfish bint looking for the next good nose."

Beneath the table, you reach out. Both of Jeongguk's elbows are on the table, hands out of the way, so you gently stroke his thigh. Just want to let him know that you're there, and that you do care. Not just about how unbearably sexy that nose of his is, but all of him.

Silently, still engrossed in his conversation, Jeongguk brings one of his hands down. Tucks it beneath the table. Finds yours. Interlocks your fingers together.

Pouting as she observes you both, Seobi is glad Jeongguk has you.

"Look after him," she muses quietly. "Him and his nose."

The night's celebrations proceed exactly as you expect them to; a myriad of champagne and confetti.

You all drink far too much, and dance a little too hard. Hayun is avoided for the most part, but not ignored entirely. You smile during conversations that involve her. Seoyeon is a girlie of peace, so you'll give her exactly that for her special day.

The only downside to a wedding is that the happy couple has to spend so much time entertaining other people. Seoyeon and Yoongi seem to have to constantly greet guests or say goodbye to older family members instead of revelling in one another's company.

In fact, the first time they truly do get a moment alone is when Seoyeon goes to change out of her wedding dress into an evening gown. Takes Yoongi with her, understandably.

Bouquet left on the table, the girls sit around a giggle, all incredibly wine-drunk. Gossiping and enthusing over little stories, there's an ease to it all - even if you are across the table from Hayun.

The boys are busy out on the front lawn. Yoongi had tossed Jeongguk the rest of his wedding cigars as he'd headed up to the bridal suite with Seoyeon. Felt like a shame to waste them. Also suggested that Yoongi wanted something to keep the boys entertained, knowing he'd be gone for a little while.

Toying with the ribbon around the stems of Seoyeon's baby's breath bouquet, Seobi muses, "I wonder which one of us will be next?"

It's her and Dokyeom, guaranteed. You only met them a matter of hours ago, but it seems like the only logical conclusion to draw. Taehyung and Danbi are nowhere near that point yet, and you and Jeongguk are still cosplaying as besties.

"Well if it's not you and Dokyeom," Hayun says a little absent-mindedly, as if she's forgotten whose company she's in. "Then it'll be me and Gguk. We've got that dumb pact of ours to see through."

She laughs, but she's the only one.

Everyone else just kind of looks at you.

"What?" she grins, but doesn't look in your direction. Shrugs, with such carelessness that you know she must be looking to get a rise out of you. There's no reason she'd open herself up for embarrassment like this if she didn't think she could embarrass you even more. Though red might be her colour, she doesn't like to be red in the face. "A pact's a pact, and we're both single. He's always been a man of his word, so why wouldn't he make an honest woman-"

"Yun," Nabi interrupts. Is stern. Looks at her friend, willing her to just keep her mouth shut. Knows that even if you and Jeongguk aren't specifically official, that you aren't exactly single, either. Very much the opposite.

Instead of listening to her, Hayun seems to find this all hilarious. "We could literally do it tomorrow." Her eyes seem so nostalgic that you almost feel bad. "Y'know, we made a cake once. Froze it. Said we'd use it-"

"Seriously, Yun."

"-if we ever got married. It's probably still there in the back of his free-."

"It's not," you finally interrupt. Honestly have no idea if it is in his freeze or not. Fabricate a story, just because you can't bear the thought of her knowing the intricacies of his home better than you do. "Gguk cleared it out ages ago so he could freeze Jimin's pens into an ice block. Said it was nothing special when he tossed it in the bin. Had terrible freezer burn. Clearly didn't care about preserving it. Sorry."

It's entirely plausible, you think, for Jeongguk to do such a thing to Jimin. Wouldn't be surprised if it is the kind of prank played in their apartment.

But just like you have no idea if her claims are legitimate, Hayun has no idea if you're telling the truth or not.

She shrugs. Looks directly at you, now. Smiles. Says, "Maybe he'll pick you as his Best Woman, given how close you guys are."

Hayun is playing entirely dumb to the fact she knows Jeongguk is head over heels for you. Wants to reduce you to nothing more than what you pretend to be: friends .

Part of you wonders if she's baiting you out. Trying to get you to admit it, that you and Jeongguk have been far more than just friends for a while.

The rest of you thinks she's just doing it to upset you.

Absolutely no part of you thinks she's delusional enough to actually believe what she's saying.

"Yeah, maybe," you smile, deciding not to rise to her. Glance over to Nabi. "You'll be maid of honour, right?"

She says nothing, because while yes, she will be Hayun's maid of honour when the time comes, she absolutely knows for certain that it won't be during a marriage between Hayun and Jeongguk, of all people.

"As seriously as I'll take the role of Best Woman, I'm afraid I have to tell you that I won't seduce you," you pout in Nabi's direction, making fun of the best man and maid of honour stereotype. It's not that Nabi isn't gorgeous, or undeserving of someone fawning over her - it's just that you're being petty and want to hit Hayun where it hurts with what you say next. "I mean, I can't fuck the maid of honour and the groom. That'd just be messy."

There's a couple of gasps, and some chortled laughs. Danbi curses, completely taken off guard by the fact you've just openly admitted to fucking Jeongguk.

Realistically, she knows it's more than just fucking. Knows you'll do anything for him. Knows that all of this is just a rouse to wind Hayun up.

"It'll be really cool of you to let me be the Best Woman, though," you insist, focusing back on Hayun, now. "Most girls don't like their partners being friends with exes, let alone invite them to their wedding! Such cool girlie energy from you, Yunnie ."

You're deliberately being patronising and you don't care. She started it. The only people left at the venue are your friends, so there's no worry about a public fall out, even if it is becoming more uncomfortable.

"We all know he only has exes because he couldn't have me," she shrugs, as if she actually believes that. "It's no threat."

You know she means to say ' you're no threat. '

You also know that would be a lie.

"It wasn't meant to be," you smile, just as good at playing faux-friendly as she is. "But he could totally have you, now, with the way you keep throwing yourself on him - yet he couldn't want you less, even if he tried. Funny, that."

A child-like fury sets into Hayun's features. There's no way she's winning this - but you don't exactly want to keep it up, either.

Pushing your chair back, you get to your feet, and smile. Excuse yourself. Head outside to where the scent of cigar smoke lingers in the cool early summer air.

With the changing seasons come the promise of something new. Something unprecedented. You'll never get the days ahead of you ever again. You'll rip them away like numbers in a raffle book, and toss them into a bin. Occasionally you'll get a winner - and when you spot Jeongguk laughing about something, stubbing out his cigar as soon as he sees you appear, you can't help but think this is one of those occasions.

"Hey," you grab his attention, squeezing his arm. "Just gonna run over to the rooms quickly. Want a jacket."

A little vacant in his registering of your words, Jeongguk turns away from the conversation he was in. Thinks nothing of the way he comes to walk alongside you, a hand on the small of your back.

"You don't have to come," you laugh. Had only been telling him so that you could keep him in the loop. Still, it's nice to have him follow you in the way that he does: without question, without request, without reason.

"Wanna," he just shrugs. "Haven't seen you in like, an hour."

"Oh, no," you tease. "How on earth have you coped?"

"Terribly," he admits, sipping on the beer still in his hand that isn't on your back. Passes it over to you. There's an easy silence when you take a sip, beer warm and bitter in your mouth. No need to fill the space where conversations typically are. In fact, it's the first time either of you have had the chance to rest your brains all evening.

Returning the bottle to its original owner, you snake your arm around his waist. Heels off, you'd left them in the reception venue, which is fine - except for when you reach the gravel driveway.

"C'mon," he insists, dopping his posture a little, positioning himself in front of you. "I'll carry you."

"It's fine-"

"Get on," he says, turning back over his shoulder. "It'll be quicker."

Your first attempt at jumping on his back fails. Has you both laughing. Are too drunk to coordinate yourselves properly.

Eventually, though, you land the jump just right. Wrap yourself around his body, and take his beer bottle so he can support your legs. Trust him with your body in the most innocent of ways.

He carries you the entire way without complaint, but as he puts you down outside the hanok rooms, Jeongguk simply says, "You can just borrow my jacket."

There's a curious wonder to the way you look at him, glitter shining under the low lighting of the pathway guides. This far out of the city, it's easy to see the stars - but Jeongguk would argue that it's always this easy whenever he's around you.

Narrowing your eyes, you tilt your head. "Could have offered ten minutes ago. Saved yourself a walk."

He purses his lips. Tries not to smile.

"True," he nods, drawing you closer, nudging his nose up against yours. Whispers against your lips, "But I couldn't have done this."

It's not new, the way Jeongguk's lips sink into yours.

The way he smiles into the feeling? Not new, at all.

The way you pull him closer and giggle between kisses, is again, nothing new.

Nor is the pressure of his lip ring, nor how his tongue strokes against your bottom lip. The way he kisses you is tried and tested; guaranteed to have you both melting into one another's touch.

You're not entirely sure how long it lasts. All you know is that your lips are a little numb, and his are now the colour of your lipstick.

Serene, as you stroke across his bottom lip with your thumb, you wonder how you made it this far with a man who makes you feel as secure as Jeongguk. Quietly hum, "Can I ask you something?"

He nods. "Anything."

And even though you already know the answer, you just have to be sure. Have to know. Aren't sure what you'll do if Jeongguk gives you a different answer than the one you expect.

"The pact... The one with Hayun." Upon hearing your words, Jeongguk frowns. Understands what you're asking immediately. "Is it... Like, will it still happen?"

There's a soft shake to his head. Silence. A deeper frown, and then, "No, Byeol."

"Even if we-"

"Even if we call things off," he cuts you off. Thinks it's vital that you know how serious he is about this. Knows you met him at a time when the answer would have been different, so that it might be hard to believe now. "B, that chapter of my life-" he shrugs. "-It's done. Completely. Entirely."

"Even if you're single at thirty?"

"If I'm single at thirty, it means I've fucked things up with you," he states, swallowing back the uncomfortable feeling that comes with that potential. Looks down, jaw a little tense. Shakes his head, then focuses his hardened gaze in on you again. "I liked telling Seobi we're a couple, earlier. I want that reality. And I also want you to stop second-guessing my intentions, B. You know how I feel about you."

You're silent, now. Hadn't even realised that your insecurities had been tarnishing his vulnerability.

You do believe him. Of course, you do. There's never been a pair of eyes more honest than his.

And maybe it's because he's drunk, and feeling everything a little more intensely, but Jeongguk feels like he simply can't take it any longer. Is in dire need of something more than the 'nothing' you're pretending to be.

But he's got a plan, and a way that he wants to do things, and a handful of more dates until he can do any of that.

So instead, he rests his forehead against yours. Wants to give you his heart, but will settle for his outerwear. Insists, "Wear my jacket, B. Please."

It's a curious way to declare your status as 'his'.

A shared blazer is exactly that. Nothing more, nothing less. Just a way to keep warm - but it's a sacrifice of his own comfort. A display of his desire to provide. Slightly primal, you think, as you wrap yourself in the scent of his cologne and the warmth of his body.

The garment swamps you, but Jeongguk thinks it looks sweet. Likes how undeniable it is that his pocket square matches your dress perfectly, now that it's on you.

And so when you return, Jungook takes the opportunity to dance with you in a way that you really shouldn't dance with a 'friend.'

Palms finding your waist beneath his jacket, the low lighting of the pavilion isn't enough to obscure the intimacy from onlookers. He's holding you close for everyone to see. For speculation to be made. For gossip to spread and for whispers to echo.

And they do.

Nodding across to the pair of you, Yoongi smiles. Leans across to his new wife as they sit together for a breather, and says, "Think they're finally getting their shit together."

Seoyeon can see it in your eyes; the way you look at Jeongguk.

It's the same way she looks at Yoongi.

Glancing across the room, Seoyeon is quick to check if Hayun has clocked what's happening, and frowns when she notices the little bit of agony resting between her friend's impeccably shaped brows. Regret, perhaps.

Seoyeon chooses not to mention it to Yoongi.

Instead, she rests her chin on her shoulder and looks at him. Waits for him to look at her, too. When he does, she smiles. "Do you think they'll go the distance?"

The answer is obvious. She just wants Yoongi's opinion so that she knows how to handle Hayun in the wake of it all. She's still her friend, after all. Still not someone she wants to see hurting.

But Seoyeon also knows there's no way in hell she can let Hayun throw a tantrum and disrupt the fledgeling romance between you and Jeongguk. It wouldn't be fair. Not to anyone.

Yoongi nods. Is quiet when he replies, "I think so."

He continues to watch his wife as her warm eyes focus on the pair of you once more. There's laughter between you both, Jeongguk leaning close to whisper in your ear as you slowly waltz together.

Hand in hand, there's no mistaking how naturally it comes to you both. A warm glow of exposed bulbs paint you both in an orange hue; toasty warm and quite content. The sparkle that's forever on your skin is in your eyes, too. And his. Sort of feels like watching a cosmic calamity take place.

There's something incredibly ordinary about you and Jeongguk. Totally unsurprising. Puzzle pieces correctly slotting into place.

What makes you special is that you're the final pieces of the puzzle. The ones that make it complete; that end the painstaking trials it takes to create the perfect picture.

"Okay, okay," you chuckle, deliberately trying not to draw attention to the conversation you're having. It's nonsense. Makes you feel all warm inside, how joyful it is to be with a person like him. He grips your waist when you laugh. Likes the way it feels. "Next hypothetical: Genie grants you one wish. No money, no bringing anyone back from the dead, no superpowers. What's the wish?"

"What's the point in a wish if I can't get superpowers?!" He protests, quietly and giggly, just like you are.

"The point is that it has to be something you really want."

"I do really want to fly-"

"Then get a plane."

"You're no fun, Byeol," he grins, suggesting that you are, in fact, a lot of fun. "Please let me have superpowers."

"Nope."

"Plea-"

"No," you laugh, knowing it's too much of an easy out. "C'mon. Use that brain of yours, babe."

And maybe it's just because you're a little drunk, or maybe it's cause the romantic air of a wedding has your brain a little loopy, but 'babe' almost feels normal. Almost.

The way Jeongguk cocks his brow, but says nothing about it – just accepts the term of endearment – makes you think that maybe it is normal.

Jeongguk would quite like it to be the norm. Finds himself all rather endeared, actually. Wants to kiss you. Knows he shouldn't.

So instead, he tells you, "I wish we were alone."

It's not that he wants to leave, or that he's bored of the celebrations. He's enjoying this dance floor far too much, and still has energy to burn from the sheer amount of cake he practically inhaled after dinner.

It's just that everything is so loud.

But when it's you, and him, in an empty room, Jeongguk's brain switches off. Falls into a natural state of being. It's the only calm he thinks he's ever known. Comfort, in a life that routinely feels uncomfortable.

"Why?" You smile, all tipsy and tepid, as if your heart isn't beating a mile a minute thanks to how risky this feels. It's like you're scared you're gonna get caught – but caught for what? You and Jeongguk are exactly what everyone thinks you are. There's nothing to hide, because it's impossible to keep a chemistry like yours secret.

You're caesium in water; nitrous oxide and carbon disulfide meeting an open flame. Things learned about as kids, but rarely – if ever – seen in adult life.

In fact, there's only one other example of such chemistry in this room, and they're sitting at the top table with freshly polished rings around their fourth fingers.

"You know why," Jeongguk simply says, then decides that simplicity is for idiots. Wants to embellish his words. Fluff them up. Make them stupid and irrational and ever so foolish. Wants to declare, because he thinks declarations are what you deserve. "Just wanna be with you, B. Constantly. It's like I have tinnitus whenever there are other people around, but then I see you and it-"

The word 'stops' is lost in your lips. It's fast and it's fleeting, but it's your own declaration right back to him: I want you, proudly.

Like the dragonflies you'd marvelled at earlier, your lips only flutter against his for a small fraction of time. Just long enough for him to know what magic feels like.

When you pull away, Jeongguk's eyes stay closed, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

"What?" you giggle, squeezing the sides of his waist with so much adoration that he thinks he'll melt into your touch. "Am I not allowed to kiss you?"

On a technicality, no. You're not. You'd agreed to let things fly under the radar – but you're both tipsy, and you both hate the idea of other people simply being unaware.

Because you are proud.

You are his.

And you want that red hot pair of eyes on you to know it, too.

To know that he's yours. Him, and his pretty nose.

"It's against the rules," he smiles – then steals one right back.

"When it comes to rules, we always seem to break them," you hum, all serene and docile in the wake of Jeongguk's reciprocation.

That's the thing about you both. Are just handfuls of bad decisions wrapped up with bows and dusted in glitter. So pristinely messy that you wouldn't be out of place in the Tate, or SOMA, or some other gallery Jeongguk hasn't heard of but you know intimately. Displayed somewhere not too far from Tracy Emin's My Bed, or Kang Wonje's Black Star. Entirely human and yet not of this world at all. Will be adored by the masses; and will confuse just as many. An invaluable piece of art that will never be auctioned, 'cause you can't put a price on this. On love.

"It's what they were made for," he promises.

"Well, in that case," you hum, getting on your tiptoes to whisper in his ear. You're about to make an incredibly bad decision, and you know it - you're just beyond caring. "I think know a couple more rules we can break."

And the way Jeongguk looks at you would suggest he's past the point of caring, too. 

"Fuck it."

[flightfoot]

Do you have recommendation for Adrien centric fic that doesn't revolve around love square?

Yeah sure! Love Square still exists in some of these, but it ain't the focus.

---

Slowly Fading (from my misery) by @wehadabondingmoment

“You’re looking awfully deep in thought today, minou.” Ladybug’s gloved hand stroked over his hair and Chat Noir closed his eyes with an unstable breath. He got like this sometimes. Lately, it had been getting worse. Or: Gabriel likes using the rings to order his son around. After a while, it starts having effects on Chat Noir as well. (The more often Gabriel commands Adrien to act a certain way, the more it gets ingrained in his mentality. He suffers because of it.)

This is a gorgeous fic. Adrien’s been puppeted around, forced to obey orders for reasons he doesn’t understand, for so long, so often that a lot of times his own body doesn’t even feel like his. A lot of residual orders keep on bubbling up and stopping him from doing what he wants to do, and he just… doesn’t understand why. Considering how Adrien looked in Pretension when Gabriel forced him to go to his room so he could talk to Marinette alone, and how desperately Adrien tried to head back there but couldn’t make himself open the door, how terrified and confused he’d seemed, I think his feelings here, his mindset, is pretty close to canon.

---

adrien agreste and the consequences of tweets making fun of yourself by Anonymous

Well, Adrien thinks, what’s the worst that could come from a few poorly thought-out tweets lightly ribbing his own civilian identity?

I love the focus here on how people just assume what Adrien’s thinking and feeling and act on his behalf, without actually waiting to see what HE wants, and Adrien’s growing frustration. How they create a version of him in their heads, but don’t care to check with reality to see whether he actually wants their “defense”. 

---

The Parable of the Caller by @nemaliwrites

A week after Hawk Moth’s identity has been revealed, Adrien finds himself with nowhere to go, nothing he can do, and worst of all, strange gaps in his memory he can’t explain. In a stroke of luck, he stumbles upon a burner phone filled with voicemails from one of the Saviors of Paris: Chat Noir himself, who disappeared following Hawk Moth’s arrest.

But with each new voicemail Adrien listens to, he’s forced to confront the fact that there might be some kind of connection between himself and Chat Noir — and discovering it might leave him more broken than before.

I absolutely adore this fic, it’s a fantastic character study for Adrien! Basically in this universe, Ladybug and Chat Noir talked about who should be Guardian, with Chat eventually convincing her that he should be the one to take it on, primarily due to the whole “the Guardian gets amnesia about Miraculous-related matters” situation, and wanting to protect Ladybug from that. Then he finds out Gabriel is Hawk Moth, they take him down, and he relinquishes the Miracle Box and his guardianship to Su Han - all without having a Reveal with Ladybug, since well, he’s not in the greatest shape mentally at the time.

It’s a real treat to see Adrien’s thoughts and feelings about one of the Heroes of Paris leaving him all these voicemails, treating him like this close friend for reasons he doesn’t understand, and just seeing Chat Noir as this outside person. He’s got a very different viewpoint on Chat when looking from the outside than he would from the inside, with being able to see his heroic and good qualities far more easily when he doesn’t know that he is Chat.

Also Marinette’s struggling in the background of the fic with the loss of her partner and guilt over sending Adrien’s father to prison. It gets touched on at various points, and you can tell that she’s having her own story off to the side that we’re just not entirely privy to, what with this tale being told entirely from Adrien’s perspective.

---

Eventually by @lucid-ao3

Adrien’s life has been dictated by rules, monitored, and controlled for years. He has learned to compartmentalize. It’s not that bad. It always gets better, eventually. Doesn’t it?

Recovery can be an unexpected obstacle when you didn’t realize you were being hurt in the first place.

OR: How Adrien lives and copes with the emotional abuse inflicted on him over the years, and how he ultimately could overcome it.

If you want a good “Adrien doesn’t realize how abusive his father is but slowly buckles more and more under his tyranny, until things come to a head, and he actually gets the HELP HE NEEDS” fic, this is a good one!

---

Awaken by InkyIbis

The previously white butterfly, now oozing black and purple as a conduit of the butterfly miraculous powers, flutters softly within the silvered-gloved hand.

It sits there for a long time.

"Go, my akuma," The soft sigh pushes the butterfly, the akuma, out towards the despair of a love not returned. The same ache within his chest. On a level so great that he's willing to sacrifice the city to mend it.

It's okay if he's the villain for now. He'll force the miraculous of creation and destruction to be revealed, and once he gets his hands on them, none of this pain, none of his loss, will ever happen.

This is essentially a canon rewrite for Miraculous (specifically seasons 1 and 2, with a bunch of the events mixed around) that focuses primarily on Adrien, with his relationship with Nino being the main driving relationship of the fic. (Don’t worry, Marinette’s still treated fine, she’s just not the focus). This is the best “rewrite Miraculous with more of a focus on Adrien” type fic I’ve seen, with it reworking the plots of the episodes so that they’re different enough to be their own distinct thing - it’s not trying to just rewrite the canon episodes but from Adrien’s POV, there’s a lot of lore changes going on as well, and things occur in different orders.

Like lorewise, Chat’s given a more important role in cleaning up the mess the akumas leave, with his power helping to cleanse akuma victims and he and Ladybug needing to use their powers in tandem in order to cast Miraculous Ladybug. There’s also no Miracle Box holding the kwamis. Instead, Chat sometimes surpasses his limits and ends up summoning kwamis, which is dangerous to him, but very useful.

What really makes this fic great though, is its focus on Adrien’s emotions. You really get a feel for Adrien’s insecurities, especially when it comes to not feeling like he’s good enough for Nino, with not wanting to bother him when he absolutely should, with feeling like he’s not a good enough friend to him, and then there’s dealing with all of Gabriel’s usual abuse on top of that.

Speaking of Nino, this is an Adrino fic (though several characters get crushes on Adrien, Nino’s the one who matters most for this), though a slowburn one. Nino’s clearly head-over-heels for Adrien, but Adrien has like, no context for what a romantic crush feels like and is basically viewing Nino the way he viewed Marinette in canon prior to season 5. He clearly cares for him a lot, including romantically, he just... doesn’t get it.

Anyway, if you want an interesting canon rewrite fic from Adrien’s perspective with Adrino as the main pairing, this is a good story to pick up!

---

Dr. Walker & Kitty Hyde series by @pearl484-blog

Summary of the first fic, Rain Falls, Everybody Lies:

Chat Noir loves the rain. He loves the danger. He loves the excitement, and he especially loves how much Catwalker hates it. 

Jekyll and Hyde AU

Adrien AUGreste Entry 3: Rain

So like the summary says, and the title indicates, this series is inspired by the popular conception of Dr Jekyll and Mr. Hyde - not how the book actually goes, but how it’s portrayed in popular media, with Jekyll splitting himself in two, with a “good” side and a “bad” side. 

During Kuro Neko, instead of just changing his appearance through changing his mindset, Adrien took more extreme measures, sealing off his “undesirable” characteristics, his anger and sadness and all his sharp edges, into the ring so he could assume a more placid, genial persona that’d be more accepted - Cat Walker. 

But Chat Noir’s still there, taking over whenever Adrien gets too testy, and desperately trying not to be pressed out of existence entirely. With embodying Adrien’s sealed anger and snappishness and rebelliousness, he’s not too kind to the other heroes - he already felt looked down upon and ignored before this, and seeing them accept Cat Walker while he’s fighting for his life doesn’t endear them to him either.

The series isn’t unfair to them - this isn’t a case where one party is entirely in the wrong and another’s entirely in the right. Marinette, Zoe, Nino, and all the others - they did wonder about what was going on with Chat, but he wasn’t in a position where he could see it, and he did have legitimate questions about how much Ladybug would budge on things, if he’d told her what he was going through. It’s a series that emphasizes characters hurting and lashing out in some terrible ways, but that hurt still being respected, and working things out, trying to get everything to a better place.

---

Shadow of the Chat by @pearl484-blog

Chat Noir discovers that he has a living Shadow. Unfortunately for him, it is not fond of Ladybug. Inspired by the prompt: 5 times Character A and B thought they didn’t have anything in common and 1 time they realized how similar they are.

I wrote a fic based on this one and @wackus-bonkus-maximus fic “One Does Not Love Breathing”, basically importing Shadow into odnlb in order to help take down Monarch. It’s called “One Does Not Love Shadows”, btw.

Anyway, I love how this one-shot uses some of Carl Jung’s ideas about everyone having “shadows”; parts of ourselves that we consciously reject or suppress, and using that to get Chat some help. If you’ve ever played a Persona game, this will be familiar to you, as those games are based off of Jung’s ideas as well.

[marichat914]

Yay! September 1! It's Ladynoir and Adrinette's anniversary!

And thus I will post this story made for ML Bigbang 2023 last year to celebrate.

(I received the privilege of having Dori_Sketches to make the beautiful art you see and Des to beta-read my story.)

Do not re-post unless you've received permission from the artist.

Just freakin' look at them! 😍 Gosh I'm melting!!! 😆���

Miraculous Lucid Dreamers

Chapter 1.1 – The Protector of Dreams and the Hater of Reality

“Cataclysm!”

Chat Noir raised his hand as he said the access word to the power of destruction. His hand emitted dark liquid sparks and touched the brown toy bear that the giant brown bear was holding, turning it charcoal-like and pulverizing it in the process, releasing the child from the curse of the Crookmitten. The giant brown bear then began to shrink. The giant bear’s silhouette disintegrated into the air, revealing a sniffing small boy.

Chat Noir sighed in relief, thankful that the boy was back to normal.

“Are you okay?” Chat Noir asked as he bent one knee to level the boy’s height, placing his head on his shoulder.

The little boy stopped rubbing his tears and looked at him. The little boy shook his head.

“I’m scared…”

Chat smiled softly. “Knightmare?”

“Hm-mh..” The boy nodded then sniffed. “There was a giant black monster that was eating other children’s favorite toys and he was going to eat my teddy bear too. I ran really fast to get away but my teddy tried to protect me and told me to run. But he was captured by the giant monster…and…and…waaahhh!!! I saw the monster eat my teddy alive!” The boy cried again, harder this time.

“Shh. Shh…Don’t worry. Everything’s fine now. You won’t have Knightmares for the rest of the night because Ihe Crookmitten, the unidentified Lucid Dreamer that’s been trying to ruin the peace of Land Des Rêves Lucides. A place where people like him, Lucid Dreamers, visit to escape reality. Crookmitten po already defeated the monster from your dream.”

The boy stopped crying, his eyes were evidently red and puffy. “Really?”

He ruffled the boy’s chocolate colored hair. “Yep.” He reassured him.

The monster he was referring to was the creature he had become. Just an hour ago, a giant teddy bear attacked the Playpen village and started eating all the children’s favorite toys. Chat Noir immediately knew that it was the work of turs Knightmare dust to the thing that the dreamer was holding whenever they feel a negative emotion and turns them into something else based on the thing they were sad or scared or angry about.

It’s his job as the holder of the Miraculous of Destruction to destroy the thing holding the Knightmare dust and release that person from their nightmares.

The boy suddenly looked dreaded and his eyes frantically roamed everywhere as if he was searching for something. “My teddy! He’s gone!”

Chat Noir bit his lip out of guilt. He doesn’t know if the boy would understand that he destroyed his teddy bear to free him from the curse.

“I’m sorry…but I had to use your teddy to fight the monster.” Chat told him the half-truth, biting his lower lip in guilt. “But this is the realm of dreams. You could make the exact same teddy you had before.”

The little boy desperately shook his head. “But Teddy is really special to me. There’s no one else like him.”

Chat understood what the little kid meant. It’s hard to lose something that you really cared about, things that hold special memories.

“How about this? We’ll close our eyes together, and then imagine you have your teddy in front of you. Now, you need to imagine really hard so he can find his way back to you.”

There’s a hint of fear and doubt in the boy’s eyes when he looks at him.

“Trust me…Uhm…Can I ask your name?”

“Kevin.”

“Awright, Kevin. Close your eyes and imagine really hard.”

Chat watched as the lids covered the blue hues.

A few seconds passed, a small white ball of light appeared in front of the child. Chat smiled. The white ball gently formed into the shape of a teddy.

Chat Noir whispered softly to the concentrating Kevin. “Imagine harder. Picture what your teddy really looked like.”

Kevin’s brows frowned as he followed Chat’s instructions.

Suddenly, an exact replica of the teddy popped off in front of them as the light covering it disappeared.

Chat took the teddy gently with his hands. “You can open your eyes now.”

A beaming smile welcomed the Lucid Teddy bear and was immediately squished into a hug.

“Thank you! Thank you a lot!”

Chat Noir stood up and ruffled Kevin’s hair again.

“You’re welcome. Go ahead and play with the other children. I’m sure they were all waiting for you.”

Kevin nodded and ran towards the direction of the newly rebuilt Playpen village. He joined the other Lucid dreamer kids and played with them. Some began flying while others were swinging on the ice-cream sandwich sing set. One kid bit a huge chunk from the wafer chain connecting the swing, making the kid riding it fall on his bum. They all laughed and started eating the rest of the chain wafer.

An applause played behind him.

“Another job well done, I might say, Miraculous of Destruction holder.”

“Felix…You’re wearing glasses. Did you do some paperwork in the Dream Realm again?”

The pale blonde sighed. “You can’t blame me. This is the only place where I can do my work without someone shouting next to me on how to do it ‘properly’.” He air-quoted the last sarcastic word. He shrugged his shoulders as he inserted his hands to his dark-grey dress pants. “Not all dreamers come to this place to change who they are okay?”

“Right, because you remain the same workaholic future duke of your kingdom. And you ‘love’ your work too much to just leave it alone in the reality.”

“Exactly.” He said. “Except this time, I can’t focus on my work with that giant volcano blocking the view of the Eiffel tower from my office.

Using his thumb, he pointed backwards to the unsettling view of the giant volcano which suddenly came to Land Des Rêves Lucides out of nowhere a few months ago. No one knows who conjured it. But they all want it to disappear so they could see the Eiffel tower again. Only the most imaginative dreamers could procure something that big in a dream. Just like how Marinette made the Eiffel tower years ago.

Speaking of Marinette…

“Have you seen her?” Chat Noir asked.

“Who?”

“Marinette. I was looking for her all over Land Des Rêves Lucides but I couldn’t find her.”

“Nope. Didn’t see her. I was busy working despite the lack of relaxation. Maybe she’s awake.”

That made Chat Noir worried. “But she should be sleeping by now.” He sighed. This is not a first, however. There were a lot of times where Marinette couldn’t visit the Dream Realm because of her job. Of which…he doesn’t know.

“She’s probably overworking herself again.” He sighed disappointingly and pointed his index finger in front of him. He imagined a passion fruit macaron in front of him and it popped in the dream in a second. A lot faster than that teddy bear from the boy earlier. When you’re a veteran Lucid dreamer, it’ll be easier to materialize anything to the dream realm. He ate the macaroon in one go. Delicious, he thought. Though the macarons that Marinette makes for him are a lot tastier.

“Huh… Too bad you can’t conjure your lover into this place.”

Chat smiled. “Yeah…too bad.”

In the Land of Lucid Dreams, ‘Anyone can create anything except anyone.’

“I miss her already.” Chat Noir said with a dreamy sigh, propping both hands on his staff and his chin against his fingers.

Felix made a fake vomiting noise. “Get out of here you whipped pussycat. Oh hang on a second…’you are’ getting out of here.”

“Huh? What are you talking about?”

“You’re disappearing, see?” Felix pointed him out.

He glanced at himself and saw that he was gradually turning transparent. It’s one of the indications that your presence in the dream realm is disappearing and returning to reality. It means that he’s waking up.

“That’s impossible.” He said, astonished by the discovery. ‘No one has ever dared to wake me up in the middle of my sleep.’ His room is heavily guarded from the outside.

“How is it impossible? You’re just waking up. Maybe someone’s calling for you.”

“NO! I can’t go back yet! I still need to see Marinette!” He’s been longing to see her for hours since he saw her yesternight.

Felix crossed his arms and raised an ‘are-you-kidding-me’ eyebrow at him.

“You’re overreacting. You’ll see her again tomorrow.”

“But what if I don’t?! Who knows when I’ll be able to see her again?! No! I don’t want to leave ye---.” He concentrated and forced himself to stay. But his efforts were futile as he’s getting more transparent, almost turning invisible. Then he was no longer in a dream

[women-of-malevolent]

META - What "canon" is in Malevolent, for the purposes of this blog

TL;DR:

In order of most 'I accept this as meaningful to the story of Malevolent' to most 'do not bring me this crap'

Canon:

The podcast itself

The official podcast transcripts from the website (I edit out the emotion tags because I often find them redundant or disagree with their assessment /no offense; I super appreciate transcriptionist work! Thank you so much for providing the accessibility resource to fans who need and want it /genuine <3 )

I guess I'll hear you out if you think it's really important:

Call of Cthulhu lore

Original Lovecraft lore

Supplemental Q&A's on main podcast feed

Supplemental Q&A's on other social media

Just don't:

Patreon-locked content

Pay-locked content

Invictus stream / Patreon chats / Discord / speculation about author/writing choices

Malevolent is a weird story. I've seen it marketing itself as an ARG, or an alternate reality game. From Wikipedia -

"An alternate reality game (ARG) is an interactive networked narrative that uses the real world as a platform and employs transmedia storytelling to deliver a story that may be altered by players' ideas or actions. The form is defined by intense player involvement with a story that takes place in real time and evolves according to players' responses. It is shaped by characters that are actively controlled by the game's designers, as opposed to being controlled by an AI as in a computer or console video game. Players interact directly with characters in the game, solve plot-based challenges and puzzles, and collaborate as a community to analyze the story and coordinate real-life and online activities. ARGs generally utilize multimedia, such as telephones and mail, but rely on the Internet as the central binding medium."

So, what are the multiple media that make up Malevolent?

First of all, I want to explain for anyone who might not know all these details: Malevolent is a weekly podcast. Every week, ~15-20 minutes of story is delivered as a Chapter to the Malevolent Patreon Patrons. Each week, those Patrons vote on one big choice that the characters will make in the following week's episode. These Patrons are called The Voices. Every 4 weeks, those 4 story Chapters are collected into one episode called a Part and shared with the public. The Patreon also shares exclusive author interviews, commentary, silly songs/other miscellaneous bonus content, plus access to the Malevolent Patreon Discord channel, in which the author and his wife are moderators and off-and-on participants in fan discussions about the show (including commentary about character backstories, motivations, what ships are/are not canon, etc). Higher-paying tiers get access to more channels.

Most of Malevolent's listeners have access to the Parts as hour-long episodes, plus whatever supplemental material is shared on the podcast feed. A small contingent of highly financially supportive fans have access to everything.

With that legwork out of the way...

Below is a list what I understand to be all the possible layers of "canon" in Malevolent, followed by an explanation of how deeply this blog will consider it as a source. This list is in order from most canon (1) to least/not at all canon (9). More sources are added as they come up.

These numbers also (probably, maybe) roughly align with listener drop-off rates. Imagine funnel-like drop-offs in number of people who care enough to engage this ancillary of material. Also keep in mind the listeners who are tuning in for the first time, 20 years from now. How much will they get from this source?

The podcast itself - this will be the blog's prime canon source. This is the primary story source from which the vast, vast majority of all readers and listeners - now and decades in the future - have access to.

The podcast transcripts - this is its own category because the transcripts often editorialize (not a bad thing - just necessary product of translating one art medium into another). I've come away from episodes with a strong impression of one line delivery (ex: delighted), then find that in the transcript, it's described totally different (ex: disgusted). I will use the transcripts as my primary source for this blog. I usually delete the tone indicators. I also add MR. to Mr. Scratch's dialogue tags after he asks Arthur to call him that.

Call of Cthulu roleplay game - I'm not familiar with this and I don't think most listeners of the show will be, either. The relevance of this source will be considered on a touch-and-go basis.

H.P. Lovecraft extended universe - I have not read much Lovecraft and I don't want to start. The relevance of this source will be considered on a touch-and-go basis.

Supplemental interviews, episode commentary, Q&As available on main podcast feed - The author very regularly provides thoughts on the story and writing of Malevolent. I will consider this source as little as possible. If you have some information from here you think is important for me to hear, I will consider it; but please understand that 1) the VAST majority of listeners will not hear this, even if it's not cost-gated; and 2) not everyone who hears it believes/respects authorial self-reporting. No offense but no way

Twitter/X, Reddit, YouTube, or other social media commentary - similar to 5, with less weight because even fewer listeners will ever find this or seek it out. Also, social media is highly susceptible to internet decay.

Invictus CoC games - not considered. I might look into these later (WAY less thoroughly than the main WoM blog), but also I might not. These are Call of Cthulu games that were DM-ed by the author of Malevolent. There are some overlapping characters like Anna Stanczyk and Frank Uphill. Even if you're into these pls you have to admit that most of the Malevolent listening audience will not watch them.

Supplemental, Patreon-exclusive content - NO. If it can't be accessed without paying or signing up for a website, naw.

Semi-private discussions from heavily gated discord groups - NO. Let's not

Speculation about the author - NO. This includes speculation on whether or not ____ is intentional, or why writing choices were/weren't made.

[docholligay]

Doc is it okay to like irredeemable trash media? Something that makes you smile but is the intellectual/moral equivalent of eating Skittles for breakfast?

I am not your priest nor your God, and you can't receive absolution from me. What I think is only worth the value you give it. I take no responsibility for how much you care about this, just want to come out of the gate with that.

Now, to the question at hand. I actually think "eating skittles for breakfast" is a GREAT comparison. People often get on my ass, affectionately, about how I can be in such good shape and eat a bunch of chicken wings and whiskey and taco bell, and here it is: I don't do that most of the time.

There's nothing wrong with watching really dumb TV, eating shit with maybe one (1) nutrient, reading only YA novels, or moving only from the couch to the computer daily, imbibing a bit in silly juice, what have you. But. If you make these indulgences a daily thing, it'll start to show on you. That's just the reality. Everything in life is a muscle. You can huff going up the stairs and you can struggle to assess complex situations. You can struggle to get through a college-level text and you can get malnutrition.

Of course there are outliers, but for the vast majority of us, these are the consequences of our consistent choices. I am good at running because I run. I was not good at running when i started to run, and I would not be good at running if I stopped running for a year. I am good at understand complex texts because i read them. I am not a good artist because I do not draw. I can't do pushups because I don't do them.

(If you are a person who is special and so none of this applies to you because there is no way you could ever make choices that would make you better at anything, that's great for you! I assume you are intelligent enough to know this, and so go, much in the way that I do when I look at discussions of "Who the hell doesn't like bacon?" will simply say, 'oh cool, this doesn't apply to me." Because who would need a stranger to reassure them of what they already know? That would be weird.)

So, I love some really stupid things. I cannot believe I am saying this in public, because I am genuinely ashamed in this moment, but I love to watch 90 day fiancee. It's genuine trash. It is not good and it's also bad. Even the Golden Girls, which I don't feel quite such horror about, isn't really working my brain cells, if we're all living in a space of honesty. I read Louis L'Amour, a man with MAYBE four plotlines over 100+ books. But I don't do that ALL the time. I make sure to keep myself mentally conditioned to be the sort of mentally agile person i want to be.

If that's not important to you, then that is actually okay. I don't by and large, unless we're very close, care about what people do to themselves mentally or physically. I figure it's your life. But I just want everyone to be honest about it, let's not kid ourselves here. I am actually not just as good at critiquing ballet as someone who follows and studies ballet, for example. And I am not gonna trust the media discernment of someone who only watches kids' shows anymore than I'm gonna trust the palate of someone who only eats kid food.

That's also fine! we gotta get over this idea that we have to be likeable to everyone AND A L S O that everyone is honor-bound to like you unless you're actively mean to them. If someone's really into watches football and hates physical activity, we are probably not going to be friends because I don't know much about football and often absent-mindedly walk several miles while chatting. That's not a moral judgment. If someone is like, 'I do not want to be your friend because I don't want to talk about the things you like" I think that is totally fair.

So, is it okay with me, that you like dumb shit? Sure, as long as you have a balanced diet of thoughtful shit! But if you're not looking to be someone I am impressed with, then you don't have to care.

[imagine-sb69]

Has anyone asked for Joe relationship hcs? If not.. (makes big ol eyes at you)

• Joe is definitely a big fan of the domesticated life , he enjoys the little things and never takes them for granted.

Shopping for dinner for that night , taking strolls during the golden hours of noon, cuddling up during the cold winter season chatting away about the future.

Maybe it’s because his illness had taken so much of his time away he wants to value the moments he missed out on and share it with a loved one

• he’s very protective, if someone dares speak bad about you it’s so (Joe) over…. A loyal boyfriend till the end.

• he’s pretty blunt and wild sometimes but that doesn’t mean he’s a rude guy….that just means he knows how to stand his ground and show off a bit from time to time. You’re his partner after all let’s not let anyone forget that…!

• he’s a super competitive guy so he probably will get a good laugh or have a blast if you try to make certain things competitions … like who can eat the most spiciest ramen, arcade dates to see who can win the most tickets etc. though try not to enable him too much he may burn out! (Though that can also be a sure fire way to an easy victory—)

• Joe is pretty big on baseball… maybe a few dates to the batting cages or watching a game will be a given with him. He’s probably be the type of boyfriend that loves to wear matching jerseys or teach you how to bat! (hands on of course \(//∇//)\ )

• Joe is a very diligent person and will not allow any partner of his to have Poor health! I’d like to think he be very perceptive of one’s feelings and habits and he’d know when you should be taking breaks and heading to bed… no if’s or buts about it! He doesn’t care if you’re “almost done” you need to stay in top shape he values your health as much as he does his own… so no fighting it Unless you want him to sling you over his shoulder towards bed!

• he’s also a hard worker and would do everything in his power to support his significant other and maybe… if possible a future family too. He’s a simple guy who wants to take back the life he’s missed out on and will do everything he can to make it a reality.

• Joe values the people who values him just as much… at times he can feel like a burden because of his ailments but knowing people appreciate him and love him despite it all …everything he does is definitely out of gratitude and love for his partner. Anyone is very lucky to call Joe their partner <3

[jinxedyaart]

A little too Similar part 6

A/N Careful of mindless skin picking out of boredom and nerves. Just a little heads up before you start this new chapter!!

Just as he found Cole, the cowboy called out to him. Motioning his arm to the cyborg to come closer. He was sitting down on a couch with a few other people surrounding him. All conversing between themselves. Farreha with Zayra, Hana with brigett and Cole. Or well Cole was but now he could add in genji to the mix

"There ya are. I was wonderin why ya didn't follow me here."

He chuckled as genji grew closer. Genji moved around the room to sit down next to his friend. Dusting off his sweats before getting comfortable on the couch.

"Yes, Leo asked me to show them around once they finished the meeting with winston and angela... They wanted someone more quiet to be with as they toured around the buildings.. I guess.."

His tone wavered a bit, showing he was slightly nervous. Not exactly sure how to take of it. He said yes to be nice but in reality he was a little hesitant. They seemed a little off when they first met and his head blared alarms no matter what they said.

"Maybe they'd like to get to know ya better genji. I mean heh Angela did tell us she specifically chose you for this mission.. Plus they don't seem to be harmful or dangerous if that's what you're fretting about."

The cowboy responded back, taking note of his friend's slight jitters about Leo. Trying to calm his nerves down. Genji looked down at his hands, rubbing his 'sweat' off of it on his sweats. Maybe he was overthinking this. As he took in his friends words, the ninja nodded to him and to himself.

"Their files from what Angela could tell me is similar to my own. Just tweaked differently here and there and minus having a new body from a sense of rebirth.."

He whispered out, remembering the small bits Angela could give him about their life. All she said was to talk to them more and not be afraid to ask..

"Cmon they seem harmless Genji. Like a corn snake. They look dangerous but really aint much. Don't fret it."

Cole spoke out, nudging him slightly with his elbow. The cowboy was trying to ease up his friend but all genji could do was think about it more and just let the conversation drift to something else. Maybe he will ask Leo a bit more about themself if they felt comfortable to chat about it that is.

Meanwhile Leo finished up packing and putting everything away clothes wise, they stashed away their luggage in a corner between their bed and bureau. Carefully placing their sketchbook close to the corner of the bureau closest to their head pillow. In case they have some doodle ideas at night or something of the sort. Shifting around in their room on their knees, scuffing their tights and shoes in the process. Grabbing the closest side of their bed to push themselves on their feet, motioning to the door. Hesitating before even opening the door, wanting to test something out. Or well someone.

"Athena? Right? Um where is genji's.. actually where's Winston at this moment?"

They called out, jutting their head around the room, trying to find where exactly they should speak out to. Trying to find either speakers or even a small disk shaped thing in the room. Jumping out of their skin as she replied, her voice encasing the room.. Mumbling a small 'oh jesus..' as they held their chest, right hand over their heart.

"Genji is currently in the living space, conversing with Cole and a few others about the mission as well as other subjects. Winston is currently with Angela in his office. Would you like for me to call him to assist you Captian?"

She informed back to Leo before ending with a small comment Winston made on his way out. Confirming that she infact did hear everything just outside the door or even the whole building. Making a small mental note to be wary of what exactly they say and to whom..

"Yes, and um after the meeting.. can you ask genji to meet me just shy of the hallway after the meeting is done.. uh please and thank you."

They spun around confused as to where exactly her voice came from. Nevertheless, they paused their personal charades. Just as Athena confirmed, they opened the door to face the hallway. Coming out of their room to lean against the side wall as they awaited their company now empty handed. Turning their right hand back and forth, bending their fingers as they examine their nails to pass the time. Going underneath each nail to clean out any gunk shoved in there. Deeming the action finished once each nail was able to see just the yellow tips of it. Then promptly taking their glasses off their face and clean the lens on them with their sleeve. Gazing up as they heard a mix of feet slapping the floor and heels clicking away next to them.

"I'm assuming you weren't waiting too long for us"

Angela pauses just before getting to close to Leo. Moving the clip board in her hands to her side instead. Putting her full attention to Leo's face with a smile. Winston standing with a welcoming smile on his face as she spoke.

"Dr. Angela!"

They paused to open up their arms, pulling Angela close to their body gently for a hug. Squeezing their torsos closer to the other without meaning to. Pulling away chest first from the doctor to look into her blue eyes. Both arms still placed on the doctors upper forearms in a gentle grip.

"I'm sure you've been reading over my documents for my modifications. Peaking your interest in them?"

They tilted their head as they ended their statement. Their black eyes finding a peaking curiosity in the doctor black pupils. She was curious as can be when it came to something she had no knowledge about. Letting go of her arms fully to give her some space.

"Well of course something like that has me intrigued by it. I've never really dealt with your specific request but I will try my best to learn from it. Maybe later today you can stop by my office and tell me how it was made."

She glowed as she spoke with interest. Ocean eyes shining with a want of information. Both pulling away from the other with a smile. She fixed a lose blond strand of hair, pushing it to her ear with her free hand. Turning her body to the direction she came from.

"First we shall first better inform you about the mission ahead in Winston's office. As you and one other person would need a good set up for it if we want this to go generally smooth."

She slowly started to walk awaiting Winston to continue on the conversation. The pair guiding the newer addition through the halls to a different part of the building. Both heels clicking at different times, echoing through the halls as they walked.

"As I've told you on the phone it is a grabbing Intel undercover. We gotten some information of some talon associates going to a club in Paris. We have some plans to get hotel reservations for you and the other agent under a fake alias. I said to pose as a socialite and their body guard."

He continued the conversation, passing doors and halls as he talked. Opening a set of doors on the lower level before walking up the stairs to his office. Pushing his body with one arm as the other started to do some normal talking motions. Pausing to concentrate on opening his door. Pushing it open then shifting to the side of it for the other two to go in first. Lastly closing the door behind him. Pulling over a chair for Leo in front of his desk. Typing away on his computer, pulling up the suspected guest and the info that connects him to talon. Another omnic who seems connected to Maximilian. A close friend it seems, having a few pictures of the two together having different conversations it seemed. Their eyes narrowed as they scanned the screens. Grabbing the handles of their chair and jumping it forwards to read everything. Kicking away the peanut butter jar lids away from their chair as they jumped. Noticing that Winston was similarly messy when it came to his eating habits.

"So you want me to try and seduce an omnic as a Socialite with what power to my name? What exactly would he want from a woman?"

They asked, leaning back in their chair. Left hand stroking their small chin in thought. Picking at their cheek pimple scars. Forcibly breaking the scab open subconsciously. Flicking the dead skin under their nail away from them and onto the floor. Feeling a liquid ooze out of the now re- opened wound.

"That's where you would come in in-advance. As you in the club, you're gonna try and chat with him to have you some more information. You'll be sent there in a few days in advance to start to get a lay of the land."

Winston clarified a little more. Not focusing on what they were doing beside him. Typing a bit more to show more information of the entire plan he had and as he finished all info dumping, Leo interjected.

"So who would be my body guard?"

They asked openly to the pair. Scratching their lower right cheek lightly with their long nails. Turning to the gorrilla in the room, expecting a response from him.

"We chose genji to be the best pick. I personally think with his overall silent attitude and the mask helps with the body guard idea."

Angela anwsered this time with a pip in her voice. A big proud smile on her face as she informed. Surprising Leo in the process from the suddenness.

"I've already talked to him about it and he's fine with it."

She stopped and turned to Leo with a smile. Almost proud of her personal choice. Her clip board now infront of her thighs, both hands holding it there. Her entire aura dripped with pride over him. She knew genji was a little nervous about Leo but an old charismatic seducer and an overall charismatic seducer for a couple mission is a good mix in her mind. Plus they would talk between themselves and figure out the other isn't so different. Both files nearly mimic one another but there was still big differences between the two in their respective backgrounds but that's a line they will cross together.

"I-... I mean I don't mind it.. I uh how do I say this nicely...Why not Cole or something? Like a big beefy dude like Reinhardt or even winston.."

They asked back, freezing their nervous tick in genuine interest. Why not the cowboy or even the big Reinhardt dude?

"Cole doesn't exactly have the strong silent type down. Reinhardt would be another good pick for one physical day but he can't be scary if you see how he is often times and everyone knows winston is the newest leader of Overwatch so that is a no...sooo genji is the best pick in my eyes."

Angela shot back, clearly confident in her pick of her friend. Genji is a good pick and Leo wasn't too sure but if she knows better than she knows better than them. Who are they to argue with the team doctor about what's best.

"Alrighty then. I'll start to have more one on one time with Genji then."

Leo laughed out, shifting in their chair. A little nervous about having more one on one with the ninja. They didn't know much about him, just what the papers gave which left it with some scratches of info. All blackwatch information given to them only gave bits and pieces of how truly controversial that part of overwatch was. Few had gang affiliates and other where just born to become criminals or something like that. They has heard the occasional story here and there about the shimada but unless asked they will only assume or take everything with a grain of salt.

The meeting was only a few hours, 3 max with all Leo's questions on how far is too far and what all backup plans are in case of emergency. What if we need a medic, mercy will be on call always and ready to fly over there. Require some extra hands of a good tone of music, Lucio can send over some files. Need extra hands for a fight, Cole and the others are ready for a backup call. Etcetera, etcetera.. Ending the meeting with a few nods here and there and a few files printed out for Leo to review the mission notes in their own office and time. Finally being able to leave the room was what they wanted most but information is key in this situation. So they would take the files happily. Trying to make sure the papers weren't creased against the door lock as they closed it. A soft sigh leaving their body as they relaxed a bit before turning to the stairs.

Genji stayed leaning against the wall, awaiting at the end of the stairs for Leo. Arms crossed in front of his chest. He only got there a few moments ago since Athena told him to start his way there as the meeting was about to end. His mind wondering off on assumptions of the newest part of the pack. Having his thoughts pause as he then turned his head in the direction of the sound of heels clicking against the ground. A door closing as well in the same direction with a soft 'have a good night you two' being muttered out. A two toned 'you as well' reaching just past the door. Once fully shut, the heels clicking got closer and closer to him. A few chains clanging against each other also could be heard in the quiet large room.

Seeing Leo walking down the steps with their head pointed to the ground. Their right hand grabbing onto the railing for extra balance as they stepped. Reaching the final step with a gentle sigh, looking up at the ninja with a shy smile. Both of their hands covering their front with the papers. They were a little out of their element as they were now a guest instead of host.

"So you will be my partner for this mission huh? Angela seemed proud of it."

They started to try and fill the silence before it consumed them with worry about everything their doing. Starting the conversation with a small tilt in their head as they looked at him.

"Aha yes, she said it would be a good match for us to go."

He responded back as he bumped himself off the wall. His tone a little shaky but it was from nerves and slight worry. He stood still until Leo was the first to show signs of wanting to start. Pausing as an awkward silence filled the air. Clearing his throat as he continued.

"Uhh.. Where exactly would you like to see first?"

He asked slowly, looking around first to try and find Angela's gaze but she was too focused on Winston to notice the ninja gazing up at her. Slowly letting his attention fall to Leo's face whose attention was pointed to the side of him.. or behind him.. he couldn't exactly tell where but it wasn't him.

"That's the thing I.. uh hah i don't exactly know where to start.. we could start outside in? Or well start here then end in my office? No! Actually end it at Angela's office. She wanted to chat about my mods before I call it a night."

They spewed out nervously. Not wanting to seem rude but both were clearly nervous about the other for different reasons. What caught genji's attention was the fact Angela wanted to chat with them and so he took that comment and ran with it. As he started to walk to show Leo around he began a different conversation. Remembering Angela's words of encouragement.

'They aren't so different from you genji. Just ask them about different things and you'll see you aren't so different and you have nothing to worry about. They aren't like your family..'

He took in a shaky breath and started to ask.

"So.. your mods. Why exactly did you want them anyways? If you don't mind me asking. Ive never heard of someone wanting to change their voice."

He looked down at them to see their black eyes shine just a tad at his question. A small smile creeping up on their lips as they formed a response. A shine of white light surfacing their black irises, a reflection of the ceiling lights above the pair as they walked.

"I didnt change my voice, just enhanced it. I wanted to be able to do what sirens do.. how even some singers were able to connect with people through their voices and songs... I've always had a desire for that same ability. I wanted to be able to connect with my voice, to be able to change people with my voice. However once the omnic crisis began, my desire of what my voice could do changed a bit from something stupid to something helpful."

They joked as they were withholding something else but bit back their tongue to not say the full reason. Their head started to wander about as they walked. Nervous to make eye contact with the ninja out of fear their eyes might accidently tell him to inquire more about the reason. Their small frame leaned away from the ninja almost as if they were a bit embarrassed by the first reason.

"Really? So at first they were just for a new singing voice?"

He teased, changing the nervous air surrounding the two. It came out so naturally as if he wanted to cheer them up for some reason but it wasn't a thought in his mind for now.. Smirking underneath his mask as he peered down at Leo's expression who was still pointing their eyes at the floor until they heard him tease them. Shooting their face up at him in shock before a wide smile took place.

"Hahaha hey! Nooooo.. it wasn't just for that. I wanted to enhance my voice, not change it. I was praised often for it and I won't lie. It gave me an ego.. So i made a mock up mod for it and when I was like 17 or so, I got a mods specialist to make one for me."

Their throat produced a weird noise, almost like a coughing up snot from the base. Nudging the ninja with their small frame, only knocking his balance off for a second before he was able to regain it. Taking in what they said. Now the air was a bit more playful for the pair. Their tone an equally teasing one at first that slowly drifted to a more sweet one. The ninja was slightly taken aback from the playfulness the two had gained in such a short time.

"A mods specialist? Like a real one or back ended?"

He was trying to keep the conversation going as they passed the halls. He kept teasing so comfortably now with them. Now he was walking slower to keep this going as long as he could. His interest being tickled with bits of information he was curious about.

"Well it was a 'acquaintance' of my eldest brother if you catch my drift. So I don't really know if she was one or the other. She was just a sweet lady who offered up to do it for free. Ever since then I've gotten it fixed here and there of course. Better than what I was given but for something that was free. It did what I wanted it to do at the time."

They shrugged off the comment, looking over their shoulder to see him peering down at them with.. interest? They couldn't exactly read his face since he was wearing his mask. His mind filled with a weird mixture of emotions. Pity? No.. maybe it was sadness and embarrassment of that phrase.. he knew they meant he was a player.. just like genji in his youth but none would do something for Hanzo unless asked.. But the fact they were open about how they even got the mods slightly improved his perception of Leo. They just answered the question without any real hesitation.. they even confirmed it wasn't government doctors just some random lady.

"My brothers always pushed me to do the things I always wanted to do so this was his way of trying to make it come true. Of course Fernando had a funky way of making sure I get settled well but he always meant well when it came to family. Sure when he was in his younger true Casanova phase,-"

They raised both arms above their head, making a rainbow like moment with both after the word casanova for an emphasis. Looking up to the ceiling as they walked, putting both hands down at their sides again once they finished.

"-His life was anything but calm. So in those moments of peace, the girls who flocked at his feet gave him whatever he asked for.. but one offered something to his family and he slowly changed from that day forward."

They stopped as their expression softened at the memory of their brother alive and young again.. The ninja empathize with them, seeing how the topic of their brother had them make the same expression as Hanzo. Like an over barring sorrow filled them as they reminisced the past.. They sighed gently from the thought, turning to gaze up at the ninja who was already looking down at them. Slightly tapping his arm with the back of their left hand.

"But enough about me and my things..What bout chu and the mask? Is it like a culture thing or did something happen?"

They quickly tipped their head towards the ninja, pointed at his face with their chin subtly. Quickly pointing at their face, making a circle motion around it as they asked him. Pointing at the metal piece covering his mouth. It looked slightly rude but he had a feeling they didn't mean to make it sound that way. Their expression quickly changing back to a playful one with a rehearsed ease.

"I just feel comfortable behind it, is all.. Plus I think I sell the cool and mysterious look with it."

He shrugged back, bringing up his hand to brush along his neck. Dragging it down to his hoodie strings, he shifted slightly away from them. He didn't want to say the exact truth either..

'Ah he also got nervous ticks here and there.'

Leo noted the motion of his hand in their mind as he spoke. Watching his human hand fidget with the ends of the ties before letting it go. Giggling a bit by his end comment as once he finished. Under the mask was a little smile on his scarred lips that they couldn't see.

"I'm sure with everything I don't know about you, you sell it to me. That's for sure."

They switched off the papers in their left hand to the right. Bringing up their left to play with a strand of white curly hair. Another nervous tick of their's. Twisting the end around their pointer finger and thumb, feeling the rough texture of it between their fingers. Another mumbled laughter leaving their painted lips. Their face now pointed to the floor with a smile. And just as they were about to say something else, he froze.

"So here we are at Angela's office."

He coughed out a little awkwardly in response to their action. Both hands going up then down quickly, pointing to the door infront of them. His mind started telling him that they aren't trying to flirt..

'Maybe it's just a small nervous tick not a flirting action..'

He sighed softly as he focused on the door. Hearing a few knocks from infront of them. Startling him away from his thoughts. Looking down at his hands to make sure he didn't subconsciously knock on her door without meaning to. Shifting his head to the side to see a small hand balled in a small loose fist.

"Dr. Angela? You in here?"

Leo called out waiting a reply from the behind the door. Hand still up in front of the door, hesitant to knock again. Ultimately putting their hand to their side before propping their body up on the tip of their toes to see into the small clouded glass window on the top of the door. Their heels clicking on the ground everytime they try again on their toes to see through the window. And everytime they are just out of reach of it.

Genji stuffles a silent chuckle at the notion, finding it slightly amusing yet adorable at the fact they were too short to reach the window.

"Yes Captain. Come in!"

After hearing the confirmation, they opened the door with a smile. Turning back to gaze at genji, a shy flirty smile gracing their soft features. Normally their black eyes would take his energy the more he looked into them but this time a strange warmth fills him as he nodded back hesitantly. Maybe it was because Angela was right there in a small space just peaking out of his view. But maybe he wouldn't be that bothered by it as much as he was before having this small talk.. The mysterious way they acted in the first meeting now being slightly understood in his mind. Slowly connecting the dots that family is a big thing for Leo.

"Ah before I forget, thank you genji for the walk. I hope you're not bothered by the next time I bug ya to walk with me."

All he could do was nod again as he mumbled out a small 'yeah that's.. fine'.. as he closed the door infront of him to give the two privacy. It wasn't his conversation so he would just wait until Leo leaves before going in to chat with Angela. His mind now ran wild with what exactly just happened between the two of them. The conversation was only turning sour once they asked about his background. They shared bits and pieces to those who ask but still try to dance around the topic with just enough to leave him wanting more information about them.. maybe it's something they learned from their older brother without realizing it but it worked subconsciously or not.. Genji was a bit more comfortable with this new addition, now having a genuine interest in them even if it's just for a moment.

[marmorafarms]

Does anyone read Gravity Falls fic still? Well I hope so because I'm writing one!

Friday I'm In Love

Ch 1

Rating: Teen+ (PG 13)

Pairing: Stan Pines/OC

Summary: When Elfie comes to Gravity Falls to help her friend propose, she wasn't expecting to experience the wildest summer of her life. With the return of demonic forces imminent, Elfie must band together with the Pines family, and finds love along the way.

You can also find the fic here on ao3!

“This is a stupid plan for butt faces,”

“Mabel, when will you understand that just because you don’t agree with a plan doesn’t make it inherently bad?” Dipper said, shaking his head at his twin sister. She was sitting on a log, glaring at the ground while Dipper fiddled around with a strange gadget. It looked exactly like a smart watch, but the words appearing on screen were odd sigils rimmed with red.

“I just think this could hurt someone if you’re not careful. And you and Grunkle Ford are never careful,” Mabel grumbled.

“That’s not true!” Dipper said. “Look, all it does is summon the last person to touch it. Other than me of course, because I’ve calibrated it to me, therefore I can’t summon myself if I’m holding it. The last person to hold it was Grunkle Ford. So when I press this button, Grunkle Ford will appear.”

“Are you sure that’s who had it last?” Mabel said nervously. “He set it down near the register in the Mystery Shack. What if someone else picked it up? You could be snatching someone from their family!”

“Mabel, just trust me. I know what I’m doing. And a one and a two and a…” the teenage boy pressed a button, and there was a sudden flash of blue light.

“And here we have Grunkle…wait what?!” 

—

One second ago, Elfie had been mindlessly chatting with her best friend Melody in the parking lot of a place called The Mystery Shack. And now? Here she was, standing in the middle of the woods with two teenagers goggling at her.

“Do I need to up my meds?” Elfie said, looking around. “Where am I? What’s going on?”

“Dipper what did I tell you?!” the young girl said, turning to the boy next to her. “This lady here touched it last! And she’s freaked out because of your koo-koo-bananas machine doodad! You have to send her back!”

“I don’t know how!” the boy who seemed to be named Dipper said frantically.

“Are either of you Melody?” Elfie asked tentatively. 

“You’re okay ma’am,” the girl said, standing up and brushing herself off. “Don’t worry, you don’t need to up your meds! Probably.”

“I’m so sorry,” Dipper said. “Um. Well. Did you happen to be at a place called the Mystery Shack recently?”

The brown haired boy looked very worried, his aviator hat askew. He quickly adjusted it and began to pace back and forth while the girl who must be his sister began to chastise him. Elfie took a moment to look around, before spying a sign shaped like an arrow, with a green question mark sloppily painted on. Okay. That was something she recognized. All she needed to do was ground herself and then—

“You must’ve been at the Mystery Shack, otherwise you wouldn’t be here right now. For some reason, you grabbed this, and now you’re in the woods with us.”

“I was in the parking lot just now,” Elfie finally said. “And then I disconnected from reality because there’s no way I just teleported.”

“Oh no, you totally teleported,” the girl said. “My brother here created a thingy that teleports people! Kinda cool, kinda messed up, but don’t worry! You’re fine. The Mystery Shack is down the road a bit. I’m Mabel, and the guy who messed up your day is Dipper!”

“I didn’t mess up her day!” Dipper said angrily. “Did I?”

“Okay, let’s say this is actually happening,” Elfie said, rubbing her temples with her fingers. “That means that my friend who is about to propose to her boyfriend is now probably freaking out. In the parking lot. Alone. At least she’ll be able to go into the store and find her boyfriend.”

“Why wasn’t he with you?” Dipper asked, frowning. “Was she really going to propose to him in a lame tourist trap?”

Elfie glared at the boy. “It’s not lame!” she said, stamping her foot like a child. “Her boyfriend owns the shack, so you better watch it kid.”

Dipper and Mabel exchanged shocked expressions, and turned to her, wonder in their eyes.

“Is her boyfriend Soos?” Mabel said slowly.

“That’s Jesùs Ramirez to you,” Elfie said with a sniff. “Or Mr. Mystery I suppose.”

“No, we call him Soos all the time!” Mabel said. “You’re friends with Melody? Dipper, how come you didn’t connect the dots?”

“What? Me?” Dipper said, annoyed. “What about you?”

“I’m not good at piecing all the puzzely things together,” Mabel said. “You’re the one who does that.”

“Look,” Dipper said, turning to Elfie. “Soos is one of my—“

“OUR!” Mabel interrupted with a shout.

Dipper sighed. “One of our best friends in town. Yes he’s eighteen years older than us, but that doesn’t matter. What does matter is—wait did you say Melody is going to propose?”

Elfie sighed. This day was going to hell in a hand basket very fast. But if these kids were telling the truth, getting back to Melody, and more importantly getting to where she had been trying to go, would be a snap. She really needed to get to her friend and help her with the proposal. They had a whole plan and everything!

“Yeah she is,” Elfie said. “And I need to be there to make sure it goes off without a hitch. But I guess things going perfectly to plan isn’t happening anymore.”

"We have to get you back!” Mabel said, slapping her hands to her face. “Where’s the golf cart? We need to get Soos engaged!”

Before she knew it, Elfie found herself zooming through the underbrush of the forest, ducking her head every few seconds when a branch passed by. She held on for dear life as they flew over stumps and tree roots. When they finally arrived, Elfie saw Melody in the parking lot. A tall heavy set man that could only be Soos stood next to her, along with two men that looked 30 years her senior.

They all had serious expressions on their face. One of the men wore a long trench coat, and everyone was staring at him as spoke at top speed.

“The logical explanation is that your friend touched the device, and Dipper decided to use it. Don’t worry Melody, we will find her very soon.”

“Maybe sooner than we thought. Is that her?” the other man said in a gravely voice, pointing towards Elfie and the two teens. Elfie swore she was seeing double as she looked at the two men. There were a few distinct differences, but she was definitely looking at a set of identical twins. Elfie’s stomach did a flip as she looked at the twin pointing in her direction.

He was a stocky man wearing a brown leather jacket and a deep frown. His five o’clock shadow was really doing it for her, and she had to look away. Damn her thing for older men.

“Dipper my boy!” the man in the trench coat said, spreading his arms wide. “I’m glad to see you!”

"And I’m glad to see you!” Melody said happily, looking at Elfie. 

“You said this town was weird but I wasn’t expecting that,” Elfie said, glancing at Dipper, who was staring at the ground.

“Yeah my brother and Grunkle Ford get up to all kinds of crazy wacko shenanigans,” Mabel said with a laugh. “I’m just glad you’re safe um…uh…what was your name?” In their haste to get back to the shack, Elfie hadn’t had the chance to introduce herself.

“Oh, I’m Elfie,” she said with a smile.

“That’s a cool name!” the teenage girl said.

"It’s a nickname,” Elfie said. “You can thank Melody over here for it. She gave it to me in middle school.”

“Why?” Dipper asked. “I’ll tell you why I go by Dipper if you tell me your actual name.”

“Maybe in a second,” Elfie said. “I need to talk to Melody about something,” she said, giving her friend a pointed look. Melody looked nervous at these words and then sighed.

“I was going to tell you earlier, but then you vanished,” Melody said. “Our…plans…have to wait. Stan and Ford here, as well as Dipper and Mabel, are staying here for a few months, and Soos wants to get them settled in.”

No way. This couldn’t be happening! Elfie and Melody had been planning this for months, and two sets of twins were going to ruin it by staying here?

“Plans?” Soos said frowning. “I thought you two dudes were just gonna tour the Mystery Shack and then get going.”

“We kind of wanted to hang out with you,” Elfie said. “We thought we could go to the lake for a bit.”

“Oh,” Soos said, looking surprised. “Sorry guys, I gotta get them settled in. You’re not leaving today are you? I thought Melody said something about you guys staying for a bit.”

“Elfie is staying with a friend, and I’m staying with my grandma like I do every summer,” Melody said.

“Who’s your friend?” the older man with leather jacket said. 

“His name is Dan,” Elfie said, thinking about her lumberjack friend. “Real sweet guy. I’ve missed him.”

For some reason, everyone was silent except for Melody, who was covering a grin with her hand.

“What?” Elfie said. “Why are you all looking at me like that?”

“Did you just say your friend is Manly Dan?” Mabel said with a gasp.

“And did you say he was sweet?” Soos said, cocking his head to the side. “That dude is scary!”

“Dan isn’t scary!” Elfie said, frowning. “He’s a really nice guy. What makes you think he’s not?”

“He broke the town clock by punching it over and over again. That weirdo’s got a screw loose,” the man in the leather jacket said, rolling his eyes.

“Stan!” Mabel said, slapping his shoulder. “Don’t say that!”

“I’m just saying it like it is!” Stan said. “He’s nuts!”

“Wait a second,” Elfie said, narrowing her eyes. “I know you. You’re the founder of this place, I saw a picture of you on the wall of the gift shop.”

“Yep!” Stan said proudly. “I’m—“

“The Mystery hack,” Elfie said, and Stan choked on air. Everyone looked at her with wide eyes, and she continued.

“Stan Pines, right? I’ve heard about you from Dan over the years and I know exactly what kind of man you are. Dan has a screw loose? Hello Pot, my friend’s name is Kettle. Are you really calling him black?”

“Well, wait, I wasn’t trying to—“

“He’s probably worried about me,” Elfie said, sticking her nose in the air. “It was good to meet most of you, but I probably won’t be seeing you.”

“Elfie!” Melody said scandalized. “Don’t be like this!”

Elfie whipped out her phone and began dialing. “I’m calling Dan to pick me up,” she said and stalked off.

“I like her,” Mabel said fondly. “She’s fun.”

—

“I really Stan’d that one up, didn’t I?” Stan said with a sigh, plopping down on the chair that Soos had saved just for him.

“Stanley, when people talk fondly about a friend, you shouldn’t start insulting said friend,” his twin Ford said with a sigh, sitting down on the couch and scrawling something down in a notebook.

“What do you know about friendship?” Stan asked. “You can barely stand to be around anyone in town. Why should I take advice from you?”

“I may not like being around other people, but I do know a thing or two about how people work, unlike you apparently. Considering how that situation went down, I’d say I know a lot more than you,” Ford said.

“She shouldn’t’ve talked to him like that though,” Soos said, entering the room with a bag of potato chips. “Melody said she’s going to do damage control. You guys’ll probably bump into each other sooner or later, this town is pretty small. She wants to make sure Elfie doesn’t stay mad for like, the rest of time.”

“I wasn’t trying to make her mad or nothin’,” Stan said. “It’s just that—“

“That your brain and your mouth aren’t connected!” said a voice from the doorway. Everyone jumped and turned. Mabel was leaning against the door frame, tapping away at her phone.

“Don’t worry, I’m like that too!” she said, walking into the living room. “My mouth sometimes says stuff that my brain hears and goes what?! It’s okay, I’m sure everything will be fine. Soos, do you know how long she’ll be staying here for?”

“Sorry dawg, I don’t know,” Soos said with a shrug. “Melody just said she’ll be here for “a bit” and I don’t know what that means.”

“Hopefully for a while!” Mabel said happily, turning the TV on. “She seems cool. Dipper likes her too, don’t you Dip Dop?” Mabel shouted into the hallway.

“Can you not call me that?” Dipper said, emerging from the kitchen with a can of Pitt Cola. 

“Only if you tell them what you said about Elfie,” Mabel said with a giggle.

“W-what? I didn’t say anything!” Dipper said quickly, face flushing. 

“You said she looks like a super m—“

“A super great person who is not anything more than just a super great person,” Dipper said, clapping a hand over his sister’s mouth. “What are you all looking at?” he asked the group.

“Was Mabel about to say super model?” Soos asked, sitting down next to Ford.

“Ugh, it doesn’t matter!” Dipper said angrily. “Look, okay, maybe I think she’s pretty, but I didn’t say anything else.”

“Yeah he did,” Mabel said smirking. 

“Eh, makes sense,” Stan said with a shrug. “She’s a pretty lady. But she’s also an adult so don’t be weird about your new summer crush.”

“I don’t have a summer crush!” Dipper said, voice cracking. “You guys suck!”

“Wait, Stan!” Mabel said, looking at him with big eyes. “You think she’s pretty too?”

“Well. I mean, yeah. She’s objectively good looking. Pretty face, and a nice—“

“Choose your next words very carefully,” Ford said tersely without looking up from his writing. Just as Stan was about to fire back, Soos’ phone buzzed.

“Oh dudes, it’s Melody!” Soos said, reading the message. “She says she managed to convince Elfie not to uh…gouge Stan’s eyes out with a rusty spoon? That’s weirdly specific.”

“Yeesh, this lady is crazy, no wonder she’s friends with Dan,” Stan said shaking his head.

“A beautiful woman who threatens you with violence? Sounds like every woman you flirt with,” Ford said shaking his head. “You like crazy.”

“Yeah, but those were one night—“

“Aaand that’s our cue to leave,” Dipper said, yanking Mabel to her feet.

“Awww…” Mabel said sadly, but let her brother lead her out of the room.

“Look Soos. I’m sorry I got your girl’s friend mad. But she’s fine now, right? All’s well that ends well,” Stan said looking at Soos.

“Mr. Pines, I’m not sure everything went well. Sure she’s not going to like, murder you, but maybe you should apologize.”

A booming laugh sounded from beside the young man. Ford was wiping a tear from his eye as he laughed, journal falling to the floor.

“Stanley apologizing? That’s a good one.”

“I just said sorry to Soos,” Stan grumbled, “It’s not like I’m incapable of it.”

“Your apology amounted to “sorry I did a bad thing but who cares because it’s better now” which is a terrible one,” Ford pointed out. “Sincerely apologizing for hurting the feelings of someone and trying to get that person to be on good terms with you? That won’t happen.”

“You don’t know what I’m capable of!” Stanley said, annoyed. “I could apologize to her right now. Gimme the phone Soos.”

“Over the phone? Really Stanley? That’s the easy way out. Apologizing in person is something you could never do.”

“Oh I’ll do it!” Stan said, getting to his feet. “Tomorrow morning, I’m going over to Dan’s house and I’ll give the best apology the world has ever seen!” And with that, Stan stormed out of the living room, presumably going to his room to pout.

“Dude. That was amazing,” Soos said, looking at Ford with wide eyes. “How’d you do that?”

“Do what?” Ford said innocently.

“You were right, Stan never apologizes in a real way. But he’s actually gonna do it now! You got him to!”

“Getting my brother to do things is simple,” Ford said, picking his journal up. “All you have to do is piss him off by saying that he can’t do it, and then he will. I got him to investigate a sea monster near Alaska doing just that. We had to dive into the freezing waters, and he didn’t want to. Not until I told him that of course he couldn’t do it. Why would he? Obviously he didn’t have it in him. And then just like that, he put his gear on, and we got that monster taken care of.”

“Wow,” Soos said, eyes wide. “That’s like, super top secret information. I won’t tell a soul!”

“Eh, it’s probably something people should know,” Ford said. “It’ll make everyone’s life easier.”

“I should let Elfie know that Stan’s coming over in the morning,” Soos said, picking up his phone. “And probably send back up just in case she changes her mind about the rusty spoon.”

—

“Manly Dan, eh?” Elfie said, bustling around the kitchen to help Dan make dinner. Dan looked at her in surprise, eyebrows shooting up.

“Where’d you hear that one from?” he asked.

“Some teenager named Mabel,” Elfie said as she coated some asparagus in olive oil. “If things hadn’t been so strange today, I would’ve laughed.”

“What, you don’t think I’m manly?” Dan said good naturedly. “These muscles ain’t enough to prove it?” the red haired lumberjack said, flexing for his friend.

“Hmm. Not convinced,” Elfie said, and Dan sighed dramatically.

“I’m the manliest in town,” Dan said. “That’s how I got the name. Even manlier than the manotaurs.”

“Than the what?” Elfie asked as she began to close the oven door.

“Don’t worry about it,” Dan said nervously. “Just a joke.”

“No no no,” Elfie said, wagging a finger. “There’s something up with this town. What’s a manotaur?”

“Nothing’s up with this town,” Dan said firmly, putting a steak in a pan. “Why would you think that?”

“That girl Mabel? Well her brother teleported me from the Mystery Shack.” Elfie began to recount her day to Dan, who listened in stony silence. His face was unreadable, but Elfie didn’t seem to be paying attention. She was too busy ranting about Stan.

“Can you believe he said that?” Elfie said. “I wanted to punch him.”

“Elfie, you’re doing it again,” Dan said, putting some rosemary in the pan. 

“Doing what?” Elfie asked, hand on her hip.

“Going wild over something small. Was that a big problem, or a little problem?” Dan asked. Elfie looked to the side, and her shoulders sagged.

“A little one,” she grumbled.

“Everyone thinks I’m a bit crazy,” Dan said. “It doesn’t bother me though because everyone in this town is a bit crazy. But Stan is alright. He saved the town once.”

“Really?” Elfie said skeptically.

“Really,” Dan said. “And he gave my daughter a job before she went off to college.”

“How’s Wendy doing by the way?” Elfie asked. 

“She’s great,” Dan said with a wide smile. “I’m proud of that kid. She’ll be a sophomore in college come fall term. Gets straight A’s, even in classes she swears she’s gonna fail.”

“Cindy would be proud,” Elfie said. Dan stopped what he was doing for a moment, and then smiled at Elfie.

“I think she would. You know, you two were like peas in a pod. Probably why we all got along so well.” Dan said, a sad smile on his face.

“She used to call me an honorary red head from how firey I am,” Elfie said, playing with a lock of her dark brown hair. “I’m glad everything is going well. Are we going to make the trip to visit her?” 

“Of course. The Valentino’s do a good job taking care of her headstone, but I like to clean it myself sometimes. Place some new flowers down.”

There was a comfortable silence before Elfie spoke again.

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Shoot,” Dan said, flipping the steak.

“Why weren’t you shocked when I said Dipper teleported me?”

“That boy is a friend of Wendy’s,” Dan said. “They met when he was 12. If there’s one thing I know about him, it’s that you should always expect the unexpected with him.”

“Does he know what a manotaur is?” Elfie asked casually. 

“I think so,” Dan said. “Look they’re basically a minotaur with the power of toxic masculinity. They have dumb thoughts about what being a man is about. I try and teach the boys that being a man isn’t about being strong or mean or something like that. It’s about what’s inside. Being your own man isn’t about being aggro all the time, and nobody should think like that.”

“True,” Elfie said. “Where are they by the way?”

“They’re staying the night with some friends,” Dan said. 

“All three?” Elfie asked surprised. Dan nodded.

“They’ll be back tomorrow. Marcus has been talking my ear off about how great it will be for me to have a friend, and Gus and Kevin have been speculating about gifts.”

Elfie laughed and shook her head. “Your boys know me too well. I did in fact bring them some stuff.”

“I think Marcus is right though,” Dan said casually. “I’m glad to have my best friend back.”

“Aww,” Elfie said, leaning against his shoulder. “You’ve got friends here though, right?”

“I have been getting to know Stan’s brother Ford,” Dan said slowly.

“Oh have you?” Elfie asked, an impish smile on her face.

“Not like that!” Dan said, swatting at her.

“He’s pretty cute, wouldn’t be surprised if you were,” Elfie said.

“I guess so,” Dan said with a shrug. “You must think Stan’s cute too then. They’re twins after all.”

“I mean…he’s not terrible looking,” Elfie said, pulling the asparagus out of the oven. Dan leveled her with a look, and Elfie sighed.

“Alright fine, he’s really hot. But! I’m still mad at him. So that docks him like, 100 hotness points.”

“You’ve always had a thing for the elderly,” Dan said.

“He’s not elderly!” Elfie said, slapping his shoulder. “He’s like, 65, max.”

“Which makes him over 30 years older than you,” Dan said.

“It’s not like I’m trying to date him,” Elfie said.

“Nah, you’d just be trying to fuck him,” Dan said, and Elfie almost dropped the plate of steak and asparagus that Dan had handed to her.

“You are so lucky your kids aren’t home,” Elfie said.

“Am I wrong?” he asked as they sat down at the dining table.

“I’m not answering that,” Elfie said, stabbing a piece of meat.

"That tells me all I need to know,” Dan said, leaning back in his chair. He handed Elfie a soda, and cracked open a can of beer for himself.

“Ooo, you splurged on the name brand stuff,” Elfie said, taking a drink.

“Anything for you, doll,” Dan said.

After dinner, Elfie walked to the spare bedroom and changed into her pajamas. Dan had been right, she had completely overreacted. But she couldn’t stand her friends being made fun of. She knew exactly how that went, and wasn’t going to stand for it. Right as she was about to turn the lamp off, her phone buzzed.

Hey emmy elf!

It was Melody.

Hey! What’s up?

She and Melody chatted about nothing for awhile. Just as Elfie was about to tell her she needed to get some shut eye, Melody sent a long message.

Look, I wanted to talk about earlier. Stan was out of line, but you kinda blew up at him. I think maybe it’d be better if we all just made friends and forgot about what he said. The town is really small, and there really isn’t a lot to do. You’re going to run into him at some point, and I don’t want any bad blood between you guys. Stan is like a father to Soos, and I think it’d be good if we were all friends.

Elfie sighed. Melody had a point.

Yeah okay, I won’t gouge his eyes out with rusty spoon, I promise.

She flipped her phone over and closed her eyes. This town was crazy, but hopefully she could learn to love it. Elfie dreamed of being captured by a giant minotaur who kept saying weird disrespectful things about women. Her dream continued, and Stan showed up to save the day. When Elfie woke up, she was slightly annoyed that the best part of the dream had been interrupted. Oh well. Sliding out of bed, she was about to grab her clothes and go take a shower when there was a knock on the door.

“Hold on!” Elfie said. She opened the door and saw Dan standing in the doorway.

"Someone’s here to see you,” he said with a big yawn.

“Is it Melody?” Elfie asked.

“Soos and…well you’ll see,” Dan said.

A feeling of dread washed over her, and Elfie walked to the front door. She flung it open to find Soos and Stan at the doorstep, both pointedly looking away from her.

Fuck.

She was wearing a tight tank top and mini shorts, both of which left little to the imagination. Slightly embarrassed, but willing to hold her ground, Elfie cleared her throat.

“Do you need something?” she asked.

“Stan wanted to talk to you,” Soos said.

Stan was looking at the ground, seeming to regret his choice to come here.

“I just wanted to talk about yesterday,” Stan said. “But uh, maybe I should come back later.”

“Give me one second,” Elfie said, and quickly rushed back in to her house. She caught the words “…take her to the diner” right before she closed the door. Today was shaping up to be something interesting.

[blackvahana]

I think people really need to understand that because you can't feel very well in the astral, and because violence is more common place there, violence does register in your mind like video game violence a lot of the time. The reason video game violence doesn't bother us that much isn't because it's a video game, our genetic coding doesn't have a "and this is how you process what happens in a simulation on a flat screen of lights caused by spinning metals in a big metal cage" coding like it has coding on how to react to things shaped like snakes. It has a "this isn't close enough to me to be triggering my major senses like touch, smell, and so on, isn't happening in a time setting that's right now and right here, isn't happening to people in my close circles, isn't hurting or taking away things or people forever that I otherwise want or need, and seems to be a story of fiction rather than a one-to-one retelling of a horrendous real act, therefore I don't need to spend all my precious brain and adrenaline and energy power to respond drastically to it" coding. If you can't feel the astral fully well, and/or you're dealing with spirits you don't really see as important, and/or the severe forever-ness of someone's death and the rippling implications of terror and grief going through all their family and friends hasn't affected you, and/or you're not in a headspace of this being real - if you treat this like it's a story, or arw LARPing fiction, or just plain relate the experience to fiction because you hear about it in stories (think about how wanting to be a "hero" makes people act weirdly out of touch, they're not trying to enact fiction they're just getting wires crossed) - you're physiologically not capable of understanding the weight of your violence on the world.

Understanding is a visceral thing, understanding you've destroyed something that can never come back, caused the now-deceased's kids to scream and scream and scream until they throw up who look at you with terror glazing over into traumatised thousand yard stare, understanding that the blood on your hands is warm and that warmth is fading because you just took something like your own body, another Person, apart, thats something that isnt just floating words of "haha GGs in chat - I mean uh. That was a fun fight!" but a visceral knowing. That, you don't get from distance, you're physiologically supposed to weigh up severity, your inclusion, and reality of a situation based on sensory data to tell you how much you should care in order to conserve precious resources that should only be spent in dire violent and death-related situations... and if you can't feel the death and violence, you won't be able to understand it as death and violence.

I'm not saying to understand you have to feel bad, no, not at all. A lot of us need to shut off to get violence done. I'm saying that unless you feel the gravity of a situation you're not truly understanding it, even if shutting off is a necessity. Maybe you don't need to understand... But the thing is: so long as violence and death is traumatising, and you're willingly engaging in violence and death without actually properly treating it seriously, you will not understand the weight of your actions. So long as you don't understand the weight of your actions and you choose to go through astral violence like a video game - again, video games are just one type of this distant, uninvolved, may-as-well-be-pure-fiction ways of interacting with the world, this is another - then... you're purposely blinding yourself to what's actually going on. You had better just pray that one day you don't wake up more connected with the astral, more aware of what you're doing, more in touch with how spirits work and whatnot, realising and remembering now you watched the life drain out of not one person, not two, but however many you killed to have fun and feel fulfilled

At the end of the day... Killing people traumatises people. When people are present in what they're doing, a single manslaughter incident for us on this plane will destroy the perpetrators life. A single accidental death by our hands is programmed within us to tear us apart. People lose the ability to sleep without the nightmares of watching crumpled bodies on the sidewalk under motorcycles they hit, hearing the screaming metal and the dead silence of the person who didn't have time to scream whose brain is smeared with their limbs across pavement, they have onlooker's terror, the moments where innocent beings look at them and the scene and make weird, scratchy noises of fear and repeat the phrases "oh my god, oh my god" over and over, who can't move outside paced circles, face contorted, limbs dangling in weird ways because they were halfway through moving them when it happened and now their whole body is short circuiting, entire trajectoires of their lives altered.... This burns into people's psyche, not memories, not life, but their entire being. We are hardwired to be traumatised by death.

You may not see what the faces of your victims look like when they die, you may not have their family walk in as you kill them. You may not see what their death really looks like, because the astral is highly perception-based and spirits and places can have their appearances shift like mirages...

The reason that the manslaughter perp-victims on this plane get traumatised where video game players don't is because they're fully present in the situation, and the situation's weight is weighing down on the reality of the viewer, so all senses process it. The more you do astral stuff, the more you regain memories of past astral encounters you hadn't remembered or experienced outside of projecting, and the more you remember details of sensations - sight included - of things you did when you projected. The more practice you get, the more past memories clear up and you'll realise you vividly seeing a video game location and video game characters was actually just general spirits putting on masks for you - all this is speaking from experience, including this point here, maybe your world will be true but the astral always has multiple perceivable experiences and multiple layers of truth as real-looking as this plane. I've had past astral events gain horrific, stomach-dropping new twists and realisations because I wasn't conscious of things back then, and I was missing key information about the spirits I worked for not being who they said they were and who were getting me to engage in their shit because I was supposedly a part of their group, born to be a part of them, oh, I did so well as a part of them... Oh, I knew nothing. I was playing games with violent, horrific people who treated violence casually and not so seriously because they were "real versions of video game characters", and so what I took part in was very real, but very subconsciously unreal. I had no fucking clue what I'd gotten into and I thought I knew exactly what I'd gotten into because I was in the astral interacting with people right in front of me! I saw them! I touched them! I knew their rules, their motives, I understood what they stood to gain from violence! The more the years passed the more I realise I was so, so wrong because I was missing information, and I'm so fucking lucky I wasn't allowed the "honour" of taking part in their violence.

The more you play with astral violence thinking and believing it's what cartoon candy gore artwork is to hyper violent horror movies - the more you paint over fighting, hurting beings, trying to kill beings, and so on with fancy propaganda and ideals of light and love and cleansing, or any type of radical ideals that force grey beings into black or white boxes of saved or sent go the slaughter... the more you'll probably see your hyper violent actions as candy gore, and I mean that literally. You will see what you want to see in the astral (to some degree, obviously there's a difference between the Mental Realms and the astral) so you will see your righteous fun... until you get bored and choose to actually let the astral show you itself and then ah yeah, there's the lives you ruined, there's the widow of the "beast" you slayed who tried to kill herself after you took her life away, here's the village that was slaughtered after you killed its leader who was trying to keep the peace, and yeah, these are the true identities of the "demons" or whatever modern day version of that word you put on them. You saw them as fictional characters and fictional races but did no research, because why would someone recruiting you to kill tell you all about all the mark does right in the world if they want to radicalise you into killing them.... If you're not working for someone of something and therefore aren't even gstting this skewed information... Well, you've even more to see about the people you've killed then

It's just a matter of betting on, when you're better at this, if you're willing to relook at what you've done, if you're able of stomaching this when you have more information. When this is no longer registering like a video game, can you handle the smell of someones innards when your astral body and conscious mind synapse-spark and connect information and make you consciously aware of everything you missed? It's betting on, unless you stay in the fantasy world for your whole astral career, you being able to stomach details like the guts smeared across the walls and be fine... Or it's a matter of betting on whether you'll never meeting the living victims of your crimes and therefore never have to deal with mass despair or not. Because honestly... You do something drastic? It always has consequences. Either you get the consequences or someone else does, but probably both unless you're naturally violent and uncaring about victims which statistically you probably aren't, I don't think most people doingg this are! And if you haven't gotten those consequences yet... The body remembers.

The body remembers, and the body is programmed to hate this to a point where it never, ever, ever forgets it, not in dreaming, not in waking. The impact just comes when you understand and feel the sensory data. Are you willing to bet that your body is gonna be the one in a hundred that will be unaffected by this when the waves of realisation hit?

[tempesthorne]

FINALLY, I AM ABLE TO POST MY JOJI RPF ON Archive of Our Own (AO3):

Since I am new to this platform, I didn’t realize that AO3 requires an invitation, which took me a week to obtain.

Here are ways to check out my story, Fleeting Thin Places (Joji 2024)

Archive of Our Own (AO3):

https://archiveofourown.org/works/58466338/chapters/148934908

Wattpad:

https://www.wattpad.com/myworks/374457677-fleeting-thin-places-joji-2024

I started writing again because of George 'Joji' Miller. While he may be my muse, I firmly believe in the saying 'Never meet your heroes.' I remind myself often that he, like other people and celebrities, is merely an inspiration. At the end of the day, it’s best to remain ignorant of the things we don’t truly have the right to know. Otherwise, you'll go nuts.

I wrote this story for Joji fans today, particularly those who came in after his Filthy Frank era and aren’t familiar with Pink Guy or Frank. It’s especially for those around his age (he will be 31 this September 2024; correct me if I’m wrong)

BRIEF SUMMARY OF FLEETING THIN PLACES:

"I wanna make people sad and horny, you know what I mean?" - George "Joji" Miller -- My story might make you sad and perhaps even a little bit horny, because life is nothing more than a series of fleeting moments—an endless transaction of beautiful conflicts, isn't it?

__

fleeting thin places looks at how our choices shape our lives and create different paths we can't all explore. It’s about the struggle to make a relationship work despite different priorities and life goals. While LOOSELY inspired by Joji (this does not represent him in reality), the focus is on two young people in love, dealing with timing and priorities.

The narrative reflects the human experience of giving up something we love for something else, showing the bittersweet side of life’s decisions. The fig tree symbolizes wanting more but knowing we can’t have everything. The story ultimately explores the sacrifices we make, similar to George's choice between a private life and fame

CLARIFICATION ON INSPIRATION AND CHARACTER REPRESENTATION:

I've mentioned this several times throughout my story, usually in the end credits of almost every chapter, but Fleeting Thin Places is loosely inspired by George Miller, specifically the public persona he portrays, his branding as an artist, and his work in the entertainment industry. His love interest, Victoria, is a fictional character, so there's no need to worry about her.

George Milner (yes, Milner in my RPF; I have basically tweaked most facts out there) is a fictional character that is loosely inspired by George Joji Miller, but he’s not meant to be the real person. For me, characters in RPFs are not the actual individuals—they’re inspired by their public personas. Timelines may change, and some harmless facts may be tweaked for their protection. Please keep this HUGE difference in mind.

Ultimately, I wrote this story because Joji inspired me to pursue the things I love.

Here’s a quote from the man himself:

“It was the only and biggest changing point,” says Miller. “Immediately after that, my whole mentality changed. I stopped touching social media. I only cared about what I cared about. Life is short.”

(The Joker, Joji, Notion Online) Miller, G. (2024). The Joker, Joji. https://notion.online/the-joker-joji/

And I wholeheartedly agree. Life is short, so since Joji became an inspiration for me, I decided to write again. I made him my muse with no intention of offending him through this story.

Finally,

I’ve decided to take a break from Tumblr for a while, so this will be my last post here for the time being, and I might not be active for a while. However, if you'd like to chat, have questions or feedback, or just want to say hi or discuss how insanely of a daddy Joji is (Jk!), feel free to email me at:

  tempesthorne24@gmail.com

[yanderes-of-inkwell]

Samuel with S, Z and N? Are you accepting alphabets?

Samuel - N, S & Z

Note: I am! As long as requests are open, alphabet requests will always be on the table. Word Count: 0.6k Warnings: Implied threats of violence, manipulation, mentions of mind break, mentions of organised crime, mentions of paranoia, obsessive behaviour.

Naughty: How would they punish their darling?

While Samuel may be known for his reputation as a ruthless mob boss, he's actually far less brutal than most people think. Rather than resorting to violence, he prefers using manipulation and intimidation to get what he wants, and this is especially apparent when it comes to punishing his darling.

Whenever they do something that greatly upsets him, such as attempting to leave or alert the authorities, Samuel will continue to act as affectionate and doting as he always has towards them. However, that doesn't mean he's forgiven them, and he'll be sure to remind them of this in small ways.

His most common method is constantly bringing up their loved ones. Whether it be to them directly or to his subordinates when he knows his darling is within earshot, they'll find that he's suddenly much more interested in discussing their friends and family. Where they work, what school they attend, where they spend their free time, who they know - all things that seem innocent on the surface, but his darling will surely think he's planning something sinister, especially when he asks one of his underlings to "pay them a visit" or "have a nice chat with them".

In reality, Samuel has no intention of doing anything to them, but his darling doesn't need to know that. All they need is to believe that for as long as he's angry with them, everyone they care about is in danger. Their fear for their loved ones' safety, coupled with Samuel's unspoken (albeit empty) threats, is usually enough to dispel his darling's drive to escape and eventually, have them begging for his forgiveness.

Because of this, Samuel never really needs to punish them physically, be it with violence or isolation. Their mental anguish is all the punishment they need in order to fall back under his control.

Stigma: What brought about this side of them (childhood, curiosity, etc)?

Oddly enough, his lifestyle. While Samuel has never regretted his decision to become a criminal, a part of him greatly misses the more simple pleasures of life he hasn't been able to indulge in since starting his "business". One of those is domesticity, specifically with a partner.

No matter how powerful, or wealthy, or feared he becomes, the only thing he wants at the end of the day is a loving partner to go home to and unwind with. However, due to his work and the people he surrounds himself with, finding such a person isn't easy. Most people that have caught his fancy in the past had either revealed they only intended to use him, or had no desire to share a simple, domestic life with him.

Because of this, when his darling finally enters his life, it should come as no surprise that his patience has run thin by that point, and that he's unwilling to compromise or give up easily. Even if they're like all his previous romantic interests, or they simply don't fit the "sweet, stay-at-home spouse" image he has in mind, he doesn't care. Even if he has to use force, Samuel will find a way to mould them into the perfect, obedient partner he wants them to be, no matter how long it takes.

Zenith: Would they ever break their darling?

He'd be willing to break them to some degree, but only if they "force his hand", as he puts it. Otherwise, he would never break his darling intentionally. It's unlikely that he would fall for them because of anything other than their true self, so he wouldn't want to lose that part of them. Would he shape them into what he wants them to be if they aren't already? Yes. But would he break them to the point of them becoming mindlessly obedient? Never.

[beanmom]

So here is the kind of knot I tie myself up in. This got a little bit long, so I'm putting it under a cut, and I forgive you if you don't feel like reading about my defective mental processes.

I feel like my kids, who both live far from me, have been quieter than usual in the groupchats the last couple days, and I try to trust that whenever that happens (if it is even happening, they haven't been silent, but I am perceiving a reduction in engagement that may or may not actually be there), but whenever that happens I tell myself that probably they are just busy doing things in their lives like people do.

But the anxiety part of my brain, which is just called my brain, starts making up stories about how they are Going Through It in some way and that's why they're not chiming in on the silly little memes and updates we normally send each other via text and SM. My anxiety conjures up scenarios where they are fighting with their partners, struggling with their mental health, on the precipice of a crisis that, once it hits, they will come to me for support and it will destroy my mental health via domino effect.

I have no evidence for these scenarios beyond the fact that they have happened in the past and could happen again. But my mind makes them very real.

Additionally, my husband is going out of town today for the weekend. (I have a low-grade anxiety that he could be going away to cheat on me but again I have no evidence for that beyond the fact that it has happened in the past and could happen again. Also even if he is, it's not my right to confront him about it because I know I'm not what he wants me to be.) While my marriage is platonic at this point, he is the closest thing I have to a friend and also he is just company in the house. So when he's out of town, even though it's nice to be able to listen to my music really loud or watch whatever I want on TV, I get a little lonely.

So I am feeling lonely for my kids, and anticipating a lonely weekend, but I am not texting my kids to check on them or get a conversation going because (a) if they are going through some shit I would selfishly prefer not to be the one to draw that out of them because when they unload their emotions onto me it fucks me up hardcore and I'm in no rush to bring that on myself, and (b) my baseline assumption is that no one ever wants to interact with me in any capacity so I believe that I am doing people a kindness when I do not reach out to them. Regardless of how alone I am feeling, how much I'd love to have a cheerful chat with one of my kids, I would never be the one to start up an interaction because I feel like that's a rude and inconsiderate thing to do to someone I care about, to inflict myself on them, because I know I am intolerable.

If you have read all of this, I know that I am being irrational. But my brain is where I live so this is how my reality shapes itself.

[lilythehopelessromantic]

Isn’t it weird how many versions of you exist in the minds of others? Think about it: to your best friend, you may be the adventurous soul who drags them into spontaneous road trips, while to that coworker you barely chat with, you might be the quiet person who keeps to themselves during lunch breaks. The variations can be staggering. Some people see you as the shy individual who hardly speaks, while others find you to be the life of the party, unable to stop talking.

How is it that the same person can be perceived so differently by various people? Just as you have your own perception of yourself—colored by your experiences, feelings, and insecurities—others also create their own interpretations of you based on their individual encounters and biases. Let's break down this phenomenon, its implications, and why it’s liberating to stop caring so much about how others perceive you.

The Many Faces of You

Think of every person you’ve ever interacted with, however fleetingly. Each interaction, no matter how brief—whether it's a passing glance on the street or a deep conversation over coffee—leaves an imprint. To the barista at your local coffee shop, you might be the regular who always orders the same thing. To that acquaintance you occasionally run into at parties, you could be the upbeat social butterfly, full of charm and energy. Yet, that doesn’t even scratch the surface of who you are as a multi-faceted human being.

This fragmentation creates a collage of perspectives that diverges from your core self. In some minds, you’re straightforward and no-nonsense; in others, you’re seen as aloof or overly intense. It gets even more interesting; to some, you’re the one who offers a listening ear, and to others, you're perceived as self-absorbed.

The Reality of Subjectivity

This dramatic variation boils down to one undeniable truth: perception is subjective. Each person’s view is shaped by their own experiences, beliefs, and expectations. They may project their insecurities onto you or amplify your worst traits through the lens of their own character flaws. You might be shy around a group of new people, for example, and someone might interpret that as being standoffish or unfriendly when, in reality, you’re just feeling out of your comfort zone.

So, what does this mean for you? It implies that people’s perceptions can be wildly inaccurate or incomplete, and therefore, they should hold less weight in how you view yourself. The label others assign to you is just that—a label—which often tells more about them than it does about you.

The Freedom in Letting Go

Imagine the liberation in realizing that your identity isn’t solely defined by how others see you! The concept can be empowering. When you stop caring about packaging yourself to meet the expectations of others, you create space for genuine self-expression. Instead of molding yourself to fit into a box—whether it be the shy person, the annoying chatterbox, or the cold reactor—you free yourself to be complex and nuanced, capable of showing different sides in different contexts.

By embracing your own self-concept, you can start choosing which aspects of yourself to express, regardless of others' labels. You grow more comfortable embracing your flaws and strengths without the constant negotiation of how to fit into someone else's narrative.

Building Authentic Connections

As you shed the burden of others’ perceptions, you also open up possibilities for building more authentic connections. When you interact with others from a place of self-acceptance and authenticity, you naturally attract people who appreciate the real you—flaws and all. They begin to see and value your true essence instead of the fragmented versions they’re accustomed to.

Your relationships deepen in this space of vulnerability and authenticity, allowing you to connect more profoundly. Eventually, you’ll find that the variations of you in other people's minds become less relevant than the depth of the connections you cultivate with those who genuinely see you.

….

So the next time you find yourself worrying about how others perceive you, take a step back and remind yourself: the only version of you that truly matters is the one you are in your own mind. Embrace the fact that everyone will create different interpretations of you—that's the beauty of human interaction. Releasing the need for universal approval doesn't just lighten the emotional load; it ultimately paves the way for a more authentic existence.

Everyone has their own version of you, but they’re just that—versions. Embrace your multifaceted self and live unapologetically; after all, the most important relationship you have is the one you cultivate with yourself.

-lily