#chat i can't cope

[nartml]

Now, I know I didn't witness Izuku go through all this shit to get slapped in the face with this typa treatment

[ajwalkerartblog]

I need more scenes of them just dancing please and thank you

[whatudottu]

Don't question what logical loops I had to leap through to make this happen, Shockwave's already doing that for y'all :)

do you think in universes where empurata exists that shockwave can remember the feeling of having a face? of remembering seeing from two eyes instead of one? does his head burn in pain as a twitch of non-existant lips spark incomplete pathways through his brain, does he miss the sensation of teeth and tongue beneath those twitching lips, heavy against the bottom of the mouth he no longer has?

:) Big Boobie Decepticons :)

[ilildefoxy]

Okay I'm alive.

I'm sorry just- Nexus dying caught me hard. But I got over it and I am finally able to draw Sams again.

So they took this picture when Solar first came to the Daycare. Nexus had it in his pocket ever since and when Solar died he scribbled onto it. Out of anger, despair, pain, grief. He ripped it apart when he started hallucinating, keeping the Solar one only. Well, after Solar got brought back, he got the Nexus part from Jack and when Nex died, he found it in his pocket. How? He snuck back and also downloaded his data, so he could bring him back. He glued together the picture and cries over it now, not sure if he should or should not bring Nexus back.

<— That's completely cannon. Yes. It's very cannon. I saw it happen.

[xxplastic-cubexx]

if i had a nickel every time magneto, charles, and amelia were all featured on a cover that framed them as having a wack love triangle then im sure im missing more than just these two but im still baffled i naturally found two so easily anyway

[chatncirs]

I think they should give mari little patches on her jeans

[polepositioned]

they're interrogating this man about lewis oh my GOD

[skinnypaleangryperson]

One of the entire points of having an imaginary autistic based husband, and especially with AI chat, is that you can constantly rant him about whatever deranged crap that you read on some toxic app somewhere and get instant spouse love and therapy at the same time. Has genuinely changed my life. You also don't have to worry about bothering an actual person. This is literally a win from all ends for everyone.

[aboxisonmyhead]

Hey Colin is actually gonna be one of the new voices of freddy,,,, trust me guys I'm secretly jonny . He's not gonna be gone forever dw guys he'll be fine hahaha (<- is not doing okay)

[crescenthistory]

is this a safe space to vent our frustrations about other writers on this app? because you truly outdo all of them

no ❤️

[isopod-media]

I need a reaction image for "hey I'd love to respond to you rn but I can't move my fingers enough nor can I get my brain to focus on a good response 👍" but like?? That'd be weird?? I just wish people knew I wasn't ignoring them

[orcasoul]

The Plus One

Summery: You and Pedro have been in a relationship for a while but for some reason he'd stopped inviting you to social events. Has he grown tired of you...?

Warnings: swearing, angst (because I liiive for it!), mental health issues, low self esteem from reader, caring Pedro, fluff, use of Y/N.

This is inspired by the video of Pedro dancing his arse off at Sarah Paulsons 50th birthday party. God bless this man for randomly inspiring us when he's not even trying to lol.

Word Count: 3,516

It's a quiet evening at home. The living room fireplace is softy blazing, the crackling red and orange flames along with the Christmas tree lights and low lamp light bathes the room in a reposeful ambience. You're snuggled up on the settee in your favourite fluffy Oodie, sipping a hot chocolate as you finish reading a Christmas rom com by one of your favourite authors. And while this is something that usually helps you to unwind at the end of the day, you can't seem to shift that gutting feeling deep down in your stomach. You should have been with Pedro tonight at Sarah's party instead of here alone. With the book finished you're about to check Kindle for your next read but before opening the app, you'd decided to check your notifications on facebook.

Now you wish you hadn't. Of course the first thing to pop up would be a video of Pedro having the time of his life at the party. Not that that is the real issue here. You're not the controlling or possessive type who wants to keep their partner all for yourself and deny them any kind of social life; quite the opposit, in fact. The thing that really hurts, that makes your heart physically ache is that you're never included in Pedro's social events anymore. You would have loved to have been his date to Sarah's party and make memories with him like normal couples do. You've met Sarah on several occasions and the two of you had always got along really well, so why would he rather go alone than bring you?

You've been together for six months now, so it's not like you're in the early stages where you're both yet to meet the others' family and friends. It just doesn't make sense. You had attended a few ceremonies and promotional events for Pedro's movies with him before now and even though they had been quite intense environments to be in, you were just thrilled to be there with him, to support him and show the world how proud you are of him. And you'd like to think that you were adept at hiding the effects that your social anxiety had on you during these occasions. You'd smile, engage in chit chat and if it became too overwhelming you'd always secretly resort to your special coping technique to calm your nerves; stroking slow circles on the palm of your hand.

But it had been months since you'd last attended any events with him and as time goes on it just hurts more and more. You'd hoped time would have made it easier to accept, but truthfully it makes you feel abandoned, insignificant, like you don't belong in his world. Is that it? Is he embarrassed by you? It's true you're both from very different worlds, having met through friends of friends and not through working together in the film industry. Sometimes you still can't understand why he'd chose to be with a nobody like you when he could literally have any woman he wanted. As your mind continues to spiral, taking you to dark places, tears begin to roll down your cheeks.

To love him so much, only to feel it's not enough for him to want you around is... soul crushing. You'd been trying for so long to ignore that niggling little voice in the back of your mind; the one telling you that you aren't good enough for him and there has been times when you'd been able to mute it, especially when you're together and he looks at you with pure adoration in his eyes, or the times he would come home to LA between filming, even if it was just for a couple of days to see you or if he couldn't make it he'd fly you out to the set. No matter what he always made time for your relationship, but only out of the public eye. Pedro has always been a private person, especially when it comes to romantic involvements, but it feels like he's trying to hide you.

And now, this latest video has turned that niggling little voice into a full on megaphone, screaming an endless barrage of ugly truths at you; you're not enough for him. He's bored of you. You're an embarrassment, a stone around his neck. It was only a matter of time. You clutch at your chest as your heart shatters into a thousand pieces, sobs wracking your body. It's over! How could you have not seen it sooner?! He doesn't need you in his life. He's bloody Pedro Pascal for heavens' sake.

You were a delusional fool to ever believe you had anything to offer him. Maybe this is his way of subtly telling you it wasn't working for him anymore. Maybe he'd hoped showing you the stark differences between you both would have made you realise it couldn't continue, and being the kind and gentle man he is, he didn't want to outright dump you and hurt you, so this was the best strategy.

Now your sorrow is tinged with anger. If he wanted to end it all this time he damn well should have had the balls to tell you instead of dragging it out. So, it's down to you now; if he won't do it, you'll have to. Your tablet screen is now shining with your tears. You wipe it dry with your sleeve and throw it down beside you, Knidle well and truly forgotton. Fluffing up a cushion, you curl up on the settee while your broken heart mourns and weeps.

As the party came to an end Pedro couldn't help but feel a little relieved. He'd had a great time and wouldn't have missed one of his best friends' milestone birthdays for the world, but he missed you like hell tonight. He especially felt the sting of your absence when he would see couples dancing or sitting together, hand in hand or snuggling up. He feels selfish, but he wishes you could have been here tonight. And not just tonight, but to all his recent public appearances like the premiers for The Wild Robot and Gladiator 2, but he won't put you through that again.

The guilt still eats away at him when he casts his mind back to the last couple of times you'd attended high profile events with him, even low key and private ones where there isn't a constant blinding flash of cameras. He knows of your struggles with your mental health, in particular with social anxiety (something he can absolutely relate to) and even through your obvious facade he could see what the pressure was doing to you, often feeling a slight tremble in your hand while laced with his. He could see the difference between your forced smile and your genuine smile; the one that would make your eyes sparkle and he could lose himself in them completely.

But the worst thing was when you start rubbing the palm of your hand over and over when you'd thought he wasn't watching. He knew then it was all becoming too much for you and that's when he'd decided that he won't be selfish anymore, that he had to prioritise your well being and comfort before his own and if that meant attending ceremonies and large gatherings alone, so be it. Of course, he always felt incomplete without you at his side, but your needs far outweigh his own as far as he's concerned. Knowing he can shield you from even a fraction of discomfort makes the sacrifice worth it.

After slipping into his jacket, Pedro found Sarah at the front door of her house, waving some guests off. Wrapping her in a big hug, he said, "Happy birthday again, sweetie and thanks for inviting me." Sarah returned the hug. "I'm so glad you came, but I missed seeing Y/N tonight. How is she?" Pedro couldn't hold back the grin that broke out across his face at the mention of your name. "She's great. I wanted to bring her tonight, but I think the crowd would have been too much for her." Sarah smiled endearingly at her friend. "You really do love her, don't you?" Pedro chuckled. "What makes you say that?"

"Oh no reason..." she smirked. " Only that I've never seen you so smitten and protective over any other woman in all the years I've known you. You've got it bad." Pedro rolled his eyes, playfully. "Yeah, I guess I do." "So, what are you waiting for?" Sarah crossed her arms over her chest. "What are you talking about?" Pedro asked, knowing exactly what she meant. "You've been carrying that ring around with you for weeks now and still haven't asked her. What's holding you back?" Pedro shifted uncomfortably, putting his hands in his pockets.

"Just worried about her, that's all. The moment word gets out of an engagement, paparazzi will be circling like vultures. I don't just want her overwhelmed." "I think you underestimate her," Sarah began, "I don't think she'd ever let her anxiety get in the way of being with you. It's obvious how much she loves you. In fact when I'm around you two for too long, the sweetness gives me temporary diabetes." Pedro let out a deep belly laugh at that, drawing one from Sarah in return.

"Just do it..." she urged, gently. "You know she'll say yes." Pedro smiled and nodded, "I know." "Well..." Sarah yawned, "Get out of here. I'm fifty now and need my beauty sleep." She gave Pedro another hug. "So, I'll see you and Y/N for lunch next week?" "Sure," Pedro replied, "Goodnight, sweetie." He waved as he walked to his car. "Night," Sarah called out before closing the door.

Settling in his car, Pedro connected his phone to the car speaker and rang your phone. He promised he'd call after the party to say goodnight and couldn't wait to hear your voice. But as soon as you answered, he knew something was wrong. "Hey baby, everything okay?" he asked, worridly. His worry only increased when you cleared your throat, trying to hide the tremble in your voice. "Yeah um... I'm fine." You most definitely aren't fine! "You're a shit liar, you know that?" Pedro says, lightheartedly to help put you at ease. Now his tone turns more serious. "Tell me what's wrong." Silence... "Y/N? You're starting to scare me now." "I told you I'm fine. I'm just... tired." You tried to sound convincing but failed, spectacularly.

"I'm coming over -" "No!" Your abrupt outburst silenced Pedro. You've never turned him away in all the months you've been together. "It's... uh... it's late. You should just get home safe." Pedro sighed. "I know something's wrong and if you won't tell me on the phone I'm coming over." At that, you burst into tears. A pang shot straight through Pedro's heart at the sound of you crying. "Hey, baby, talk to me!" he pled. "What happened?" In between the the sniffling your voice became strained. "I didn't want to do this over the phone." Pedro suddenly had a sinking feeling in his gut, not liking the tone of this conversation. "Do what?" he asked, hesitantly. "Its..." sniffle, "It's over."

If Pedro hadn't already been sitting in the car his legs would have given out on him! "W- what?!" he stuttered in disbelief. "What do you mean it's over?!" His hands gripped the steering wheel for support. Where the fuck did this come from all of a sudden?! "Please..." you whispered, sounding mentally drained. "Don't pretend you didn't know this was coming. If you don't want me anymore you should have said something sooner." Pdero jerked his head back, blinking in shock. "What the hell are you talking about, Y/N?" You are full on sobbing now, your words just an unintelligible jumble. "I'm coming over, right now!" "No, please-" "I'm coming over!" he cut you off bluntly and hung up the phone.

His hands shook as he started up the engine and it took all of his willpower to not floor it to your house. Getting pulled over for speeding is the last thing he needs right now. The whole way over, his mind was a frantic mess. What could have happened between the last time he saw you (which was only yesterday) and now? Did he say something? Do something? When he got to your house, he practically flew from the car, his fist pounding on your front door almost as hard as his heart was pounding behind his ribs. "Baby open up, please. I'm not leaving until you talk to me." A few moments later the door cracked open and there you stood, puffy eyed and blotchy faced. Your lips had swollen and your nose shone red from crying.

Pedro could have cried himself from the state you're in. Without a second thought he pushed his way through the door and swept you into his arms, cupping the back of your head to his chest. To his relief, instead of pushing him away, you encircled your arms around his waist, holding him tight. He reached back to close the door behind him, then guided you to the setee, sitting beside you. "Now, what's all this about, hmm? I know this isn't what you really want." You shook your head, a small humourless laugh escaping you. "Of course it's not, but deep down I think it's what you want."

Pedro's forefinger gently tipped your chin up so you were looking into his eyes; big puppy dog eyes filled hurt, confusion and fear. "What I want?" His bottom lip twitched as if he was lost for words. You nod, wiping your cheeks. "W- why would you ever think something like that, sweetheart?" Pedro's shocked expression now has you doubting yourself. Were you wrong? But how could you be? For a while, you've been trying to ignore the feeling that he was slipping away but looking at him now... It's like he'd never even entertained the idea of leaving you. All this uncertainty is giving you whiplash and you can't hold it in anymore. You need to get everything off your chest.

"I..." you trail off as you feel more tears gathering, ready to pour out along with all your insecurities. "...I feel like you don't want me around anymore..." you begin, chest shuddering with nerves and hiccups. "You never invite me to anything, whether it's to do with your public life or even your social life. I'm never included like a partner should be. I need you to be honest... Are you ashamed of me? Because sometimes I feel like you don't want to be seen with me and that you've been pulling away..." You're rambling now, but you just can't stop. "I know I'm not on the same level as you and there are so many beautiful women out there throwing themselves at your feet. Maybe I don't belong in your world. Maybe I'm not enough for you-" Pedro's hands on either side of your face stops your self deprecating tirade.

"Baby, don't you ever put yourself down like that again, you hear me?" You're shocked to see Pedro's cheeks are now wet too. "I'm sorry. Fucking hell! I'm so sorry I made you feel that way. I thought I was protecting you this whole time." "Protecting me?" you ask in bewilderment. Pedro gave you a sad smile. "I Know from years of experience that being in the spotlight is tough. It can be draining and I could see how hard it was for you." Pedro took one of your hands and turned it over, rubbing slow circles into your palm. When you realised what he meant by that action, he nodded and kissed your forehead.

"I know you tried to hide it from me, but I noticed every time." "I'm sorry," you mumbled, shame burning your cheeks. "No." Pedro squeezed your hand. "You never apologise for that. I'm the one who's sorry. I was afraid if I mentioned it, you deny it for my sake, so I stopped asking you to come with me thinking it was the best thing for you." Pedro exhaled and your heart ached for him, seeing the guilt and remorse crushing him. "I didn't think it would have looked like I never want you around, 'cause the truth is I miss you, EVERY GODDAMN TIME I have to attend these things without you. I want you with me, now and forever. I'll tell you what..." he looked to be carefully considering his next words. "if you feel up for it, come with me to the next event and if you feel overwhelmed at any point, you tell me and we'll take some time out or even leave."

More tears fall, but this time from sheer relief. You hadn't realised you'd dropped your head again until Pedro, once again, lifted your chin. He looked into your eyes with a fierce and passionate determination. "Now, I'll say this only once; I'm not ashamed of you, we are on the same level, you are more than enough for me and you ARE my world. I love you, so much!" You couldn't fight the beaming smile that practically split your face and you grabbed Pedro by the collar of his jacket, crashing your lips against his.

A surprised "Oomph!" came from his throat and you felt him smile against your mouth. His hands slid to your waist and he pulled you flush to his upper body. His tongue licked your lips and you opened them, allowing him to deepen then kiss; a kiss filled with love, reassurance and a promise of forever. Pedro then broke the kiss, pulling you into a hug. "I love you too," you whispered into his ear. "And I'm sorry, I should have told you how I was feeling instead of keeping it from you." Pedro cupped your cheek, wiping away a tear. "I'm sorry too, for making that decision for you instead of talking to you."

You let out a lighthearted chuckle, Pedro's frown softening at the sound. "I guess it was just bad communication on both our parts." "Yeah..." he agreed. "Let's make a promise to each other, right now; that we'll always be open and honest with each other and not keep things bottled up." "I promise," you smile and kiss the tip of his nose. "And I promise, too," he returned the kiss. With all the tension drained from your body, you suddenly feel exhausted and can't stop the big yawn taking over you. Pedro smiled at you, adoringly. "I think we should get you to bed, sweetheart." He stood up, picking you up off the setee and made his way to your bedroom.

"Will you stay tonight?" You whisper as you snuggle into his neck, inhaling the scent you love so much. "Of course I will." He kissed the crown of your head. While you used the bathroom, pedro changed into a pair of PJ bottoms and an old T-shirt he'd left here for when he'd stay over. He used the bathroom after you, rushing through brushing his teeth just so he could return to you sooner. Walking into the bedroom, he laughed to himself when all could see was your eyes peeking at him from the edge of the quilt, which was pulled up to cover your nose. God, you look adorable. Your eyes creased in the corners as you laughed under the cover, then pulled it away for him to settle in next to you.

Pedro laid on his back, lifting his arm for you to snuggle into him. Sighing happily, you lay your head on his broad chest and lace a leg over his hips, the steady thump of his heartbeat and the warmth of his body soothing you instantly. "I love you." You tipped your head up to kiss him softly on his lips. "I love you too," he purred, tightening his arms around you. It didn't take you more than ten minutes to drop off, judging by your slow breaths. Pedro, on the other hand, stayed awake long after you'd dropped off, just relishing the feeling of holding you in his arms. He feels sick to his stomach when he thinks about how close he came to losing you tonight, and all because of a misunderstanding.

He thinks of the ring he's been carrying around, how he almost lost the opportunity to give it to you. Well, he won't wait any longer. If tonight has taught him anything, it's that nothing is guaranteed in life and, even though he never once doubted you'd say yes, just your devastated reaction to believing you'd lost him proves that you love and need him as much as he does you. Tomorrow he'll ask you; He'll wine and dine you at your favourite restaurant, take you on a stroll along the beach and then, he'll get down on one knee and invite you to share the rest of your life with him.

@greenwitchfromthewoods @picketniffler @liciafonseca @misscornelia13 @missadangel @southernbe

[youvebeenlivingfictional]

you shouldn't be (down here with me)

sequel: you shouldn't be (up here alone)

Pairing: Jack Abbot x Reader

Rating: M (for mature, nonsexual content)

Notes: This popped into my head this morning and wouldn't leave me alone so here you go; not beta read.

Warnings: Reader has suicidal thoughts; reader has a breakdown; Jack Abbot's A+ Coping Skills; Jack Abbot's insistence in eye contact; canon-typical medical chat; bed sharing

Summary: When you're almost shot at work, your body snaps into autopilot as your mind goes into overdrive. Jack has always recognized parts of himself in you—he knows a mind teetering on the edge when he sees one.

I was gonna let him do it

"Another four of dilauded."

I was gonna let him do it

Your movements are automatic. You can feel the nervy glances thrown to you every few seconds. You know they're all waiting for you to crack, to say that you need a minute, to sub in for you so you can rip off your PPE, run to the bathroom, lose it.

I was gonna let him do it

You can't blame them—you had a gun pointed at your head half an hour ago. They don't know that you'd almost been resigned to it in that moment.

I was gonna let him do it

"Call surgery, let them know he's stabilized."

You turn, pick the phone up, dial, pause, relay the message.

I was gonna let him do it

--

"You alright?" Ellis asks as you pull your bloody PPE off, tucking it into the in by the door. You shrug, nod, hold your hand out for the spray of purell from the wall-mounted dispenser as you head for central. You pointedly ignore North Two, where the man is being held as the cops talk to him.

"Doing okay, champ?" It's Shen this time, and his use of 'champ' garners him a sidelong glance and a raised brow. He takes your muted wrath in the spirit with which it's meant, holds both hands up in easement before he skirts around you to finish filling out a chart.

You stop at your computer, leaning over it logging and eyeing the results of a blood test on a case earlier in the shift. You feel someone stop beside you, figure that they'll move on their way, that they're waiting for someone to clear before they move again.

I was gonna let him do it

When the presence lingers, you don't have to look up to see who it is. You know that a simple nod will send him on his way for at least a few minutes, but you don't think you can look at him, not right now.

"Something I can do for you, Dr. Abbot?"

Your smart question is met with silence, and you pull in a deep breath through your nose. You brace yourself before you pull yourself up to your full height, meeting his eye.

You know immediately that it's a mistake.

Jack is looking at you the way he looks at a troubling case—discerning, dissecting; trying to pinpoint where the pain is, what fix he can apply, prescribe.

"You're not sending me home." It's meant as a request, but it comes out as a plea. You know that your firmness missed the mark when his head tips to the side, just a little. His eyes dart to North Two, hold there for a moment.

"Tell me what you need."

"To be here," You insist, "To work." To not think about it

A short nod, just enough to let you know that you're good to get back to your job. You bow back over your computer, expect Jack to leave. But—

"If you change your mind—"

"I won't." You're too tired to be embarrassed by the fact that you answered too fast. And as Abbot turns away, you just catch on his sigh, his mutter of, "No, you won't."

--

When his hand lands on your lower back on your way out of the ER, you figure he's just keeping you moving—maybe to sop you from turning around and making this shift a double, or to help you avoid the couple of news vans and reporters that have pulled up.

You let him steer, even as that steady pressure keeps up for block after block. You don't even realize where you are until Abbot stops, fishes into his pocket for a set of keys. You look up at the unfamiliar door, mind racing as Abbot unlocks it. He turns to you, holds it open, waits.

You should tell him off. What the fuck was he thinking, bringing you back to his place like some stray puppy? Never mind the fact that this man is your boss, that this is wholly inappropriate.

You should go back to your apartment, shower, get into bed. Maybe schedule an emergency appointment with your therapist.

But you also know that you probably shouldn't be alone right now. Your apartment will be too quiet; your head will be too loud. That was half the reason you'd insisted on staying at work. You glance down the block, consider, then slide past him and step inside.

--

You take your time looking around—eyeing the books, the mail, the photos, the knick knacks—the little things that make somewhere home. You turn back to Jack just in time to see hm changing his shoes, putting a high-backed house shoe on where his boot usually covers his prosthetic.

Neither of you speak as you put your bag down and he takes your jacket. He disappears down the hall of the apartment, returns with a stack of fabric. You take it, cataloguing a towel, a washcloth, a pair of sweatpants, a shirt.

"First door on the left. Put your clothes in the hamper in there, I'll wash 'em." He nods toward the hall. "Go on."

--

You expect yourself to break down the second the warm water hits your skin. But as you stand in the steam, the toll on your body takes precedent. Your head is pounding; your feet are throbbing; your back and neck ache.

I was gonna let him do it

You draw in a deep breath, bracing your hands on the wall to ground yourself.

I almost let him do it

Your jaw tightens, stomach churning as you think back.

Gun muzzles were always described as cold, but this one was warm—probably from being tucked against the man's body. You can still feel the weight, the press of it, the slight waver and brush as his hand had shook. You can hear the click of the safety.

Your mind had gone quiet in that moment.

You'd just leaned in, and told the man that he'd only be making your shift better.

It had been enough to shock the both of you.

It had caught him off-guard long enough for you to try and disarm him, to call for security as the the two of you had struggled, sending the gun skittering under the bed as the treatment bay filled with security, fellow residents. Ahmad had the guy in a headlock in seconds; Abbot was between you and them before you could blink. When he'd asked you what had happened, all you'd managed was to point toward the bed, to say, "Gun."

The cops had tried to give admitting shit for it, but you'd waved them off, insisted, "He didn't seem—When he came back, he wasn't like that. I was trying to assess him. I must've moved too fast, he freaked. They couldn't have known, they didn't do anything wrong, so don't—don't."

Shen had tried to talk you into going home; Ellis had bombarded you with questions. Abbot told them to back off. He hadn't asked you if you were alright; he hadn't tried to make you go home, either.

"Where are you going next?" He'd asked. You'd just nodded toward the board, answered, "Hyperkalemia, South Three," and gone on your way.

--

You can smell coffee when you step out of the bathroom. You glance back in, making sure you clothes are safely tucked into the hamper before heading back into the living room. Jack passes you on the way, hands you a tv remote, says, "Mugs are on the counter."

"Thanks."

You get yourself a cup of coffee, tuck yourself into the corner of his couch. You consider the remote for a moment before setting it on the coffee table.

I was gonna let him do it...Wasn't I?

Were you? What the hell would that have done to everyone around you? Were you so far gone that you hadn't thought about how it would effect everyone else in the department? What would the patients have done when they'd heard the pop? You know your fellow doctors would've come running—what if he hadn't stopped with you?

Your lower lip wobbles. Tears prickle at your eyes, and the well of panic and fear and resignation that you'd been waiting for spill over. You sit with the mug of coffee in your hands, letting go to swipe at tears and sniffle every few seconds.

You've calmed by the time Jack comes back out. You know that you look hellish; your burning eyes must be red-rimmed, bloodshot. He sits down on the other end of the couch, nods toward the tv.

"Nothin'?"

"Feel free," You croak. Jack huffs, picking up the remote and turning it on. You listen to the tv as he flips through a few channels. You glance between it and him a couple of times.

"You're not gonna try to get me to get some sleep?" You ask.

"Do you want to sleep?"

"God no."

"Okay," Jack gives a small shrug. "I can never turn it off right after a shift."

"...Huh."

"What?" He frowns, glancing toward you.

"Just uh...Implies that you're ever able to turn it off...At all."

A smile unwittingly pulls at your lips as Jack rolls his eyes, turning back to the tv. You lean back against the couch, scrubbing your hand across your eyes. The sounds of a baseball game make you pick your head up, brow furrowing as you squint at the tv.

"There's a game on a eight in the morning?"

"I recorded it."

Your mouth forms a small 'o' as you nod.

"We can watch something else," Jack adds.

"No. No, this is good."

--

You don't focus much on the game. Now and again, the tears flow, and you let them run quietly until they ebb. You dab them with your borrowed shirt sleeve.

Jack manages to wait until the seventh inning stretch before he asks:

"You talking to anyone?"

"I have a therapist."

"You speak to 'em regularly?"

"Mhm."

"They know about this?"

"About what?"

When he doesn't answer, you glance toward him. You expect open reproach, but Jack watches you with patience—and maybe a little pity. You push a sigh through your nose as you turn back to the tv.

"I talk to her about the day to day stuff, you know, not the...Grippy sock stuff."

"So you don't think about this every day."

"No."

Jack hums; you see him nod in your periphery.

"I had a bad day," You hurry to add, "We all have them."

"Not bad enough to tell someone threatening to shoot you that they're about to make your shift better."

Your head snaps to Jack, stunned—you'd omitted that from your report. But he just tips his head, shakes it again.

"I was one exam room over. I put two and two together when you pointed out the gun."

A lump forms in your throat as you burn with shame and embarrassment.

"I didn't—" It bursts out of you as the tears well again. "I wasn't—No one was supposed to know—"

Jack's across the couch in a second, pulling you into his chest as you sob. His hand curls around the back of your neck, thumb sweeping your nape as you shake against him. You feel his breath against your hair; you think you feel the pressure of a kiss, but it's gone as soon as you register it.

"C'mon." It's a soft urging as you slowly calm.

"Where 'm I going?" Your tongue feels heavy; your voice is thick from your crying.

"To get some sleep."

"I'll sleep here."

"You'll get better rest in a bed."

"I'm not taking your bed, Jack."

"You'll be more comfortable."

"I don't care. They need you in working at the Pitt."

Jack's hand slides around your neck to gently grasp your chin, forcing you to look at him.

"We need you, too." His hold on you stays firm as you try to look away, bu he won't let you. He gives a small nod, searching your eyes. "I need you. Okay?"

You muster a small, short nod, sniffling.

"I'm still not taking your bed."

He sighs, but it doesn't stop the smile growing on his lips.

"Stubborn little so-and-so," He mutters before pushing himself off of the couch, holding a hand out to you. "Come on."

You take it, letting him lead you down the apartment hall again. You take a cursory look around his bedroom as you had his living room a few hours ago. You climb ungracefully into the neatly made bed, snuggling under the covers.

Jack takes a moment longer, drawing the blackout curtains closed, leaving only his bedside lamp to light the room. You roll onto your side, tucking your hands under your head, watching the play of his back muscles beneath his shirt as he leans down, removing his prosthetic and massaging the skin there for a moment.

He glances back and gives a small smile when he spots you watching him.

"All set?"

"Not gonna read me a bedtime story?"

He snorts, reaching out and shutting off the lamp before shuffling under the covers himself.

"Keep it up and you're sleeping on the couch."

You smile into the darkness as he settles down beside you. You can feel him watching you—maybe waiting for you to fall apart again, to offer reassurance.

"...Sorry I cried on you," You mumble.

"I prefer it to having a patient pee on me."

"Oh, well in that case—happy to oblige."

Your eyelids flutter as his hand smooths over your cheek. "Get some sleep."

"Mmkay."

You hold your breath as his hand slides down your cheek, over your shoulder, trailing down your arm. As his fingers skim across yours, you impulsively catch hold of his hand. You're certain he'll give your hand a squeeze before pulling away, but Jack goes still, and you fall asleep with your fingers tangled together.

--

"Hungry?"

You nod, shuffling closer to the table where a pizza box is laid out on his small table.

It had been strange to wake up alone in a bed that wasn't yours, and it had taken a few moments to remember where you were, and how you'd gotten here. Your freshly washed clothing had been neatly folded and waiting for you when you woke up, but you'd stayed in your borrowed clothing.

"You up long?" You ask, sitting at his table.

"Mm," He shrugs. "A bit."

You narrow your eyes slightly, fishing your phone out of your pocket to eye the time.

"How long was I asleep?"

"You got a good five hours."

You grunt, taking a slice leaning back in your seat, muttering, "New weekly record."

"What do you usually do when you can't sleep?"

"I don't know. Read?"

"You need some new hobbies."

"11-8, we've got a report of an assailant with a knife–"

You glance over as Jack hurries to stand, watching him go into the living room and switch something off. Your brows raise as he comes back, amused by the way he studiously avoids your eye and settles back in.

"...Was that a police scanner?" You ask knowingly. His answering grunt is enough, and you stifle a laugh. "So let me get this straight: you hang out listening to the police scanner like you're fricking Batman, but I need some new hobbies?"

"Alright."

"Are you actually fighting crime when you're off shift? It would explain your go-bag."

"I like to be prepared."

"Uh-huh." You smile as Jack shakes his head, picking at a piece of pepperoni on his slice. "Thanks for letting me crash."

"Sure. You needed sleep."

"I mean...I mean crash-crash."

"Just glad you came in."

"You didn't think I would?"

"Wasn't sure." Jack takes a bit, leans back in his seat. You don't have to look to know that he's watching you; to be able to feel him winding up. You figure you're going to get a speech, but—

"Tell me next time you feel like that."

You wince, wind up to argue, but Jack holds a hand up to stop the argument.

"I don't need to know what you're thinking word-for-word. But tell me if it's getting...You know."

"Scary?"

"Does it feel scary?"

You consider it, picking at the crust on the slice. "...Last night did."

"A man put a gun to your head. That would scare anybody."

"...Yeah." You draw in a deep breath. "I'll tell you if you tell me."

"Tell you what?"

"When you're thinking about going to the roof." You think for a moment that you've gone too far; Jack's brows pop up, jaw muscle ticking as he clenches it. You wait for him to tell you that you've overstayed your welcome, o give him back his clothes, take your half-eaten slice and get out.

But instead he leans across the table and holds his hand out. Deal.

You take hold of his hand, pump it once, and you both settle back to finish eating.

--

"You coming in tonight?"

You give him a knowing glance as you pull your jacket on, and he smiles, nodding.

"I figured you would," He adds, "Never hurts to ask."

"I guess."

"You could take the day. Everyone would understand."

"I need to get back in there."

"Exposure therapy."

"Something like that."

You pick your bag up, slinging it over your shoulder. "I know I said it before, but thank you. Seriously. I don't, uh..." You trail off, looking around his entry way. "I don't know what the last few hours would've looked like if I'd gone home."

Jack closes the gap between you, tipping his head to catch your eye, and smiling when you do.

"Anytime."

And from anyone else, you'd think they were just trying to console you, but in that moment, you know that he means it. You nod, reaching out and giving his arm a gentle squeeze and a pat before turning away.

"See you in a couple'a hours."

sequel: you shouldn't be (up here alone)

Tag list:

@missredherring ; @fantasticcopeaglepasta ; @massivecolorspygiant ; @amneris21 ; 

@ew-erin ; @youngkenobilove ; @carbonated-beverage​​​ ;  @moonlightburned ; @milf-trinity ; 

@millllenniawrites ; @videogamesandpoorlifechoices ; @missswriter ; 

@thembosapphicclown ; @brandyllyn ; @wildmoonflower ; @realwhoreforfictionalmen

 ; @mad-girl-without-a-box ; 

@winchestershiresauce ; @lorecraft ; @kmc1989

[asukiess]

THAT ADRIEN & CLAW SCENE..... that steals my breath honestly. adrien has the courage to face himself--pretty much the most side of him that could have won him over: full of grief and misery and shutting himself up inside and putting up barriers. like that's his vulnerable beauty!! is that adrien claws and digs and tries his BEST to be optimistic, to move forward, to move past all that which could crumble him. we've seen him in kuro neko and jubilation (I think? depression nest adrien you know?) where he succumbs and lays in bed and curls into himself.

and the fact he is looking at Claw through all of this, but looks away right when he says "I can't say I haven't thought about it" because it's shameful! ladybug is his partner and the love of his life and STILL he's thought about different scenarios. probably multiple times. that probably leaves him feeling so guilty for even entertaining the idea. he can admit many things to himself, but this one is hard.

and we know it will STILL plagues him after this, when he talks about the idea directly to ladybug in passion.

and that gentle little nod he gives himself... like yes, our mother. yes, I know every horrible thing that's in your heart because it is mine, too. he's just so gentle with himself, it's so endearing to me. it's a kind of fragile care with yourself when you've had the same conversation over and over again and it's tired and it's a bruise that you keep going back to, checking on it, tending to it, and yet that's just how grief is.

"I'm as well as I can be, anyway" HELLO? I mean we already thought of him as coping in multiple ways, but this means everything to me?? our adrien decides every day to try again, try to be happy as emilie wanted him to be.

(will he always settle? will he always feel there's a baseline? as well as I can be, anyway.....)

this is art, to me. hang this up. core adrien moment for me.

and then I realize that he has ALL this hope for himself, all this acceptance of that hate and grief and sorrow could manifest through him like this...

and then how by the end of s5, he's TERRIFIED of becoming the chat noir in his nightmares.

[naomi-nana]

✎ᝰ. once upon a kitchen . diasomnia

you have been invited by your beloved husband, lilia, to visit their school for the holidays. yet when you arrive, you finally know what his true intentions are.

featuring : lilia vanrouge, malleus draconia, sebek zigvolt, silver vanrouge

cw : f!reader, the reader is fae and married to lilia, being served poison by the diasomnia cast, bad grammars, may be ooc or inaccurate (word count: 2k)

a/n : i suddenly thought of this LMAOOO i hope everyone will like it:3 this is my way of coping from book 7 〒▽〒 i also got way too into it and ended up writing a really long fic ... (posting 2 fics in a row cuz my internet is about to dieeee)

yesterday, you received a message from your beloved and his boys. they invited you over for a little dinner and chat over at their dorm, diasomnia, in night raven college. the message reads;

name, my dear! would you be so kind as to visit our dorm for the holiday? since it is not a really long holiday, the headmage didn't allow us to leave school ... and i'd be dead if i don't see you at all this month! so, come over, and we'll have dinner together! - sincerely, your beloved, lilia vanrouge.

you smile to yourself as you read the message all over again on your way to night raven college. as compensation for not being able to leave for the holiday, crowley had also allowed family members to visit for a short period of time anytime they wanted.

and so you arrived.

upon your arrival, there were quite a long line full of people—presumably family members—that would like to visit their child. you sighed to yourself, a little annoyed that you'll have to confirm with the teachers at the gate before entering. you then messaged lilia, notifying him of your arrival.

he then replied with a short, "ok," which irked you a little. you came all the way here only for him to not even be excited? at least act like he is! you pout, aggressively putting your phone back in your pocket. you decided to spend your time checking all of your things instead of getting annoyed at lilia.

clothes, toothbrushes, snacks, clothes again, little trinkets for everyone, and clothes ... again.

after crouching and opening your suitcase in the middle of the road, for some reason, the line hasn't moved at all. so, you stood up, ready to see whatever drama had conspired between an angered mother and the teacher.

yet, all you see in your peripheral vision is a pair of wide crimson eyes staring at you ... upside down.

"woah!" you jerked back in surprise, making the upside down man in front of you chuckle. that man is, of course, none other than lilia vanrouge. "lilia! you scared me!" you narrowed your eyes at him, earning a toothy grin.

"well, sorry about that, dearie. your reaction is always amusing to watch, khehehe~" he snickered, finally setting down on the ground to talk to you properly. from his disheveled hair, you can tell he was in a hurry to get to you.

but you're confused. why would he even go as far as to come to the gate just to see you?

"why would you come here? i'll walk inside there myself anyways, you know ..." you replied indifferently, still a little annoyed at his dry reply to your text earlier. he hums at your question, seemingly deep in thought. suddenly, he took your suitcase in his hand and used his other hand to hold onto yours.

"apparently, there is a limit on how many family members could visit us ... that crowley, always announcing something without giving us the details." he pouts, shooting a glare to the headmage who's currently trying to calm down the angry parents at the gate.

it was like that for a few minutes before he coughed and replaced the pout off of his face with a smile. "but, anyways, because you can't enter anymore ... i shall personally escort you, my love!" you raised an eyebrow, curious on how he would 'personally' escort you.

"is that not illegal? you're practically breaking the rule, you know ..."

"well, no one besides us knows! so, just hold onto my hand tightly, okay?" he grins, taking your hand in his.

sigh, well, at least you have someone to personally escort you. you squeezed his hand, and he muttered an incantation under his breath. your surroundings began to distort, and you feel a familiar sense of discomfort. you closed your eyes, and when you opened them, you've arrived at diasomnia's gate.

"welcome back, lilia-sama! and welcome, mrs. vanrouge!"

"oh, my ... you've grown to be such a fine young man!"

sebek's eyes light up at your compliment. really, it feels as if it was just yesterday when he started to learn how to swing a wooden sword. "sebek, are the ingredients ready?" lilia chimed in, his face looking a little too amused the moment the word 'ingredients' left his mouth.

"yes! silver and i have already finished lining them up in the kitchen!" sebek replied, smiling eagerly as if waiting for a compliment. wait, ingredients? "very well. could you help her carry her luggage? i'm gonna take her to the lounge."

"yes, sir!" sebek took all of your luggage from your hands, walking steadily towards the dorm as if it's not heavy at all. sigh, maybe you should try to lift heavier stuff so you can get used to it. "so, shall we enter together, dearie?" lilia extended his hand to you, bowing slightly like prince charming.

"but of course. oh, before we enter, though, what ingredients did sebek and silver bought?" you took lilia's hand in yours, walking together side by side like a newly wed couple.

"you need not know! it's a surprise the children and i have prepared for you!"

now you're curious(and concerned for your well-being) at his reply. lilia did say that the five of you would be having dinner together in diasomnia. but you thought that it would be a pre-cooked dinner by a chef from briar valley, or just straight-up food delivery.

"you're ... not gonna cook, right?"

he grins at your question.

"... right?"

you don't know how you got yourself in this situation, but the moment you entered their dorm, you were greeted by students of diasomnia lining up infront of the doors all the way to the dining room. there, you saw silver and sebek standing besides an empty chair—you assumed that it's for you.

"mrs. vanrouge, you may sit here!"

"moth—um, mrs vanrouge ... please sit here."

sebek and silver greeted you with a smile, although the latter's expression shows that he feels concerned for you. "well, my love, you may sit on that chair over there!" lilia pointed at the empty chair, smiling widely at your shocked expression. while the table is well decorated with a few candles and flowers, the plates are all empty.

"i'm dead today, aren't i?"

you walked over to the empty chair and sat on it hesitantly. then, someone else walked up to you. it's malleus. "oh, name. it seems as if you've finally arrived. i hope you don't mind the heavily decorated table. lilia was the one who insisted we add a little ... 'pizzazz', as he called it, to the dining room."

"i don't mind at all! i appreciate the thought," you smile at him. "the three of you have grown up to be quite the fine young man, it seems. i am very proud!" you continued, ruffling malleus' hair when he leaned down. silver smiles at the interaction, also leaning down to your height.

"oh, silver, what's this? you want me to ruffle your hair, too?"

"... mother, since there is still time, please make a run for it."

you paused, trembling in your seat as he reminded you once more of the disaster awaiting you. "don't say it like that ..." you sigh, praying that you won't end up in the hospital on your first day here.

"well, let's start cooking our gourmet for name!" lilia interrupts the interaction, gesturing at the three to go to the kitchen with him. while malleus and sebek look concerned, they thought that if there were three people who could cook in the kitchen, they're sure they could avoid any disaster.

silver is not sure. at all.

he has seen the way his beloved father cooks in the kitchen, and even if there is professional chefs instructing him, he'll always find ways to sneak in god knows what in his cooking and make it taste bad.

sigh, old men are so unreliable.

"sir, what are we cooking today? i shall assist you and the young master in every single step!" sebek asks(by yelling), taking the knife in his hand. he's very confident in his cutting skill, and he's sure that there won't be food that comes out in chunky bits if he doesn't let lilia hold onto it. er, it's not like he doesn't trust lilia at all, of course.

"sebek, your voice is too loud ..." silver complains, to which sebek took offense. "silver! this is how professional chefs communicate in the kitchen! if you want me to speak soothingly, you can go ahead and listen to nursery rhymes!"

"now, now, boys. we're not here to argue! today, we are going to cook a simple curry!" lilia puts his hands on his hips, grinning to himself.

"curry? hmm, that does sound like a delightful meal. but how about you sit back and let us cook instead, lilia?" malleus chimes in, looking at lilia with doubtful eyes.

"what are you talking about, malleus? i'm not gonna make you guys do the labor while i sit back like a boss. i shall help, too!"

.

.

.

you sit in the ridiculously long dining table of diasomnia—very patiently waiting for the four to finish cooking. so patient, in fact, you wish they come out with empty hands.

while waiting for them to finish their cooking, you've heard many ominous things from inside the kitchen. sebek yelling in concern at lilia adding for too many spices, malleus using a little too much magic to turn on the stove(it almost burns down the whole kitchen), and lilia occasionally checking on you to make sure you're still there.

you sigh to yourself, pulling out your phone to text your friend back in your hometown to prepare a funeral for you.

after a few more minutes, the four of them finally come out with a suspiciously good-looking curry. "mrs. vanrouge, we have finished cooking dinner!" sebek announced, putting the pot full of hot curry on the table. quickly, he pours some of the curry on your plate for you to taste.

"have a taste, dearie! we put our heart and soul into this!" lilia smiles at you, making you raise an eyebrow. the food looks surprisingly tasty. the colors are normal, it smells great, the vegetables look as if they're cut by a professional, and the rice is cooked this time.

you look up to the four of them. silver is subtly telling you not to eat the curry for some reason, sebek and lilia's eyes are sparkling in anticipation, and malleus is smiling as if waiting for your reaction.

well, it won't hurt to take a bite, right?

"thank you for the meal." you used your spoon to take some of the rice and curry into your mouth slowly. and when you swallow it ... "how is it, name?" malleus asks, staring at you in curiosity.

it's ... so spicy! "lilia, what did you add in here to make it so spicy?!" you looked at the grinning man in front of you, glaring daggers at him. "whatever do you mean, love? i simply added a few chilis into the curry for you!"

"you .. what?!"

"i tried to stop him from doing that, but he somehow sneaks it in when we weren't looking ... i'm sorry, i have failed you, mother." silver looks down in shame, making lilia cackle.

"khehehe, don't be like that! it was tasty even if i added too much chilis! you liked it, right?"

"vanrouge, i'm gonna get you back someday!" you gripped your spoon tightly, trying to swallow the ridiculously spicy curry. lilia laughs harder at your declaration of war.

but, instead of fuming at him, you smile.

looking at the four of them, malleus sighing in devastation that his cooking was destroyed by lilia yet again, sebek yelling at silver for not supervising lilia for his pranks, silver arguing that 'it's not really my fault.', and lilia teasing you for how red your face had become from all the spices.

you wish for this moment to never end.

naomi-nana. do NOT repost, do not use (with or without permission), do not recommend or talk about my works outside of tumblr.

[aliceoseman]

what were the messages on the card for charlie when he was in the clinic? i couldn’t work them all out. ps- as someone who had ocd and had a bad way of coping your writing really is so incredible, i count myself lucky everyday to have those stories and a friend group like i see on your show, seeing scars on screen healed the ashamed 16yr old in me 🌸

I'm so glad to hear that Heartstopper has helped you!! ❤️

So the situation with the card was that we realised very very shortly before we shot the scene that we didn't have any content for the card, so a crew member from the art department asked me on set if I could very quickly write the messages, which I did in my notes app, and then sent that as a screenshot to him where he (or someone on his team, I can't confirm) wrote them into the card itself. I didn't get a photo of the finished card because it all happened very fast and suddenly we were shooting the scene! I don't think I even saw the card interior until it was literally on set. But I do still have the note on my phone with all of the messages written out. It's a shame they didn't all appear on screen but hey, sometimes not every detail makes it into the final thing! Here they all are:

Nick

Hi Char,

You are so strong and you will get through this because you’re amazing.

I love you so so much and I’m always here for you. I miss you and I can’t wait for you to come home when you’re ready to. I love you.

Love Nick x

Tao

Charlie,

School is so weird without my bff. I miss you so much little guy. Please look after yourself or I will be very cross. Love you so much Charlie. And hope you like your present, I can’t wait to hear what you think!

Tao xxx

Elle

Dear Charlie,

We all love you so much and can’t wait to see you soon. I’m so sorry things have been so hard. Things will get better, I know it. I can’t wait for Christmas movie nights with you and the boys!

Elle 

Tara

Hi Charlie,

Sending you so much love and strength. You’re an incredible person and we all care about you so much. I really hope you feel better soon. Love you lots and lots.

Tara xx

Darcy

Hey Charlie,

Life can be so shit sometimes but we will always fight back!! You’re one of the coolest people I know and you’re gonna come back more powerful than ever.

Love you!!!

Darcy

Imogen

Dear Charlie,

Love you so much! You’re an incredible and inspiring person and what you’re going through now will only make you stronger.

#warrior

Lots of love,

Imogen xxxx

Sahar

Charlie!

I miss my music buddy! I miss our chats about good bands. I really hope you’re doing okay and starting to feel better. Love you loads pal!

Sahar x 

Isaac

Hey Charlie,

Miss you so so much. I’m so sorry I didn't try and help more, but the fact that you asked for help yourself just goes to show what a strong person you are. I love you. Get back here soon so we can watch Emma again.

Love Isaac x