#charles boyle headcanons

[madwomansapologist]

what to expect when you're trying to make someone expect | charles boyle

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synopsis: When two people fall in love, that love consumes every single cell of them until they have no space to expand anymore. When that happens, those two soulmates give life to a prof of the immensity of their lover. That's how Boyle will explain to his children how they were born when they got to that fase of making questions about everything. But first Charles need to change your mind.

warnings: pregnancy talk. manipulation. dub!con. like it is really dub!con. overstimulation. breeding kink. oral sex. penetration. yandere!charles boyle (full boyle!!!). female!reader.

• When you know you know. It's that pretty fucking simple. You know when it is time to go, to shut, to observe. You know when you're not welcomed, when you're not heard, when you're not wanted. You just know. And Charles knows that it is the perfect moment to turn you into something more. Into family.

• Charles knows for sure that he never loved anyone the way he loves you. He never felt like his chest could be torn apart because the love inside it needs more space, or that his lungs didn't work because of the sight of you, or that his mind could remember so much about just one person. Charles loves you, Charles knows you, and he knows. He just knows.

• It's been a few weeks since you met the Boyles, and you got along so well with his family. His friends love you (because they are also your friends, but that doesn't matter for now). Jake loves you. Charles don't know a single person that didn't look at you and immediately knew you were something.

• Or even the way you always say the sweetest things. How you never hurted him. Or all the times you made him break in a giggle just because of who you are. When you praise his food. The way you make Charles laugh without even trying. Or all those times you just remembered. His favorite color, favorite restaurant, favorite drink, even thinks he said just once.

• Charles was made for you, and you were made for him. Nothing could change that. No one will ever change that. So why act like you're a normal, average couple? You're his soulmate.

• Normal, average couples need months to get to this fase when you understand exactly how your lover thinks. Normal, average couples need weeks to do something slight weird around the other without feeling judged. Normal, average couples need years to know.

• Charles don't want to go to your house. He don't want to make food for you and put it on his refrigerator. He don't want to hear that last night you had a nightmare. Charles wants to be there. He wants to live with you, to cook with you sat on the counter gossiping about someone he don't even know, to wake you up from your fears with sweet kisses and a cup of water.

• Jake told him to not do anything about it, that he was on Full Boyle mode and it would only scare you. That it would make you run away. And Charles listened to him. He really did. But when was the last time that Charles was able to control his mouth?

• And for everyone's surprise, you said yes. Everyone, but Charles.

• And then he knew. He knew for sure that you felt the same way about him. That you could see how others opinions about you both didn't fucking matter. How you both don't have to wait years to have something you can have now.

• Boyle got really surprised when you said no. He got confused. Uterly confused. Why? Didn't you trust him? Did you fear he wouldn't be a good dad? Or that he would runaway from you as soon as it happened? Charles explained to you that he would make you the happiest you ever been, that you would be a great mom, that he would stay forever by your side.

• Your answer was still a no.

• He wasn't expecting that. He thought you both were in tune. When you told him you were too young, that it was too soon, his heart broke inside of him. You explained that you fear about your job, about your body, about everything. Not now.

• It wasn't about being a good mom or a good dad. That wasn't about the fear of not being able to make a child became a good person. It wasn't about the birth. It was about him. Yes, it was. You don't think Charles will support your career, or be there with you until your last day on this Earth, that he would love you however you look. You don't trust Charles to have a child with him.

• Charles made it his goal to change yourr mind. Make you understand that yes, Charles is the right choice. That staying with him, growing with him, is the only correct choice. That no one would love you like he does. Not that you are an impossible person to love, Charles still doesn't understand how everyone who knows you doesn't fall in love with you, but that he is the person made for you.

• Films about motherhood, conversations that somehow ended up on the topic of childhood, albums of photos from when you were little conveniently in a place where you would see them. Charles even managed to get Amy to ask you to pick Mac up from school.

• He became even more present (which you thought was impossible). Charles gave you the idea of ​​asking Holt to give you more responsibilities. And when your captain agreed, Charles was very careful and present. He started making your lunches without you even asking. He called you when he was home to see if you needed anything. He massaged you whenever you looked tired.

• Sometimes you felt like Charles treated you like a baby. The bathtub was warm when you got home from work, your clothes were ironed and laid out on the bed. Charles served you, asked how your day was, caressed your hand while you complained about something that didn't really matter. Charles was so caring, so proactive, you didn't even have to do anything.

• Charles hoped that would be enough for you to understand that he would be there for you. Did you realize that you don't have enough flour to make your pancakes during a storm? That's not a problem, Charles takes care of it. Are you feeling sick and can't take care of yourself? That's what Charles is for. Charles is there to take care of you, always.

• He didn't bring it up again, Charles was afraid it would scare or anger you. Instead, he kept giving signs of what he wanted. Trying to mess with your emotions. Charles knows how to be patient when he needs to be. He knows how to shut up, when otherwise it would ruin his plan. But he also knows when subtlety is no longer enough.

• There is no point in giving signs that something is going to work, when that something lives in the world of ideas. Charles has several certainties, while you have many doubts. There is only one method to give you the answers you are missing: empiricism.

How long have you been there, below him, accepting everything Charles wanted to give you? For the past hour? A whole day? Maybe more? Probably more. More, for sure.

Time has become a useless concept. Seconds felt like hours, years, centuries. Time stopped moving. Or it started moving too fast. You couldn't see the diference. It wouldn't matter.

Your body burned in a fever that could get someone dead. Your toes ache, but you couldn't take away the force you applied to them. Unsure of how to breath, your lungs didn't receive any air to keep on working. And your fingers, once the part of your body you felt like you control the most, where locked into his hair. Were you trying to keep Charles in place? Were you trying to move him away from you?

You didn't know. You didn't know a damn thing. And it didn't fucking matter.

All you know was the pleasure. The pain that came with it. That burning feeling between your thights, how wet the sheets were below you, the blankness conquering your mind since Charles first kneeled in front of you.

Had he ever get up? You don't know. You don't care.

Charles behaves like a starving men. So devoted, so unstopable. He acts like he won't ever get enough from you. Like everything is just a sign that he needs more. Charles devored you, got drank on you. He ate you whole.

That moment when he sat you on your shared bed and kneeled... It looked like a centurie ago. Like a life you remember just some flashes. Flashes of his eyes. Of his fingers deep on you. Of his tongue so hot on your swollen clit. Of his warm breath against your thights.

He said you were perfect. That you were his. Or did you imagined it? Was it reality or a dream you just remembered? Charles saying you were so wet, so warm, so tight. Did he said your pussy was made for him or was it you? Did it matter?

Did anything mattered when he made you feel like heaven? It must be something above it. Something better than heaven. You felt so much better than just that. Anything mattered anymore.

Your legs couldn't stop shaking. Your mouth forgot how to say your name, no, yes. Your eyes didn't have a reason to work anymore. You chest was so heavy, your mind so light. You couldn't think.

It didn't matter that when Charles got you whole he wasn't using a condom. When Charles babbled about how you would be so perfect with a part of him growing inside you. When Charles fucked you, his fingers still pressing on your clit, murmuring about how he would fill you until you couldn't take anymore. When he cum inside you.

And it didn't matter when he kept on doing it. When he fucked you dumb. Until you couldn't remember anything but his name. Until you couldn't do anything but to take what he give to you.

The other day you didn't remember how he made sure not even a tear of his seed didn't get into you. Or how he didn't let you have a second to think straight. How Charles told you all the things he would do to you when you give him a child. How well he will treat you. How you can be his princess, his whore, anything you want. How he got your waist on his lap when he finished and slept inside you, so you couldn't waste anything.

And you wouldn't noticed how it happened right on your fertile period. How you spend days only eating aphrodisiac foods. Or how your pills suddenly dissapeared. How Charles was the one to bought the new ones.

At the moment, all you could think about was how bad you wanted Charles inside of you. Only that, nothing more.

BROOKLYN NINE NINE TAGLIST: @flowercrowns-goodvibes @notanalienindisguiseblink @vyctorya

•

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[edwins-fangirl]

Brooklyn 99 Headcanons (edited)

Jake - Bi

Holt - Gay

Amy - Bicurious - Heterosexual

Rose - Bi

Hitchcock - Polyamorous

Gina - Aromantic - Pansexual

Terry - Heteromantic - Asexual

Charles - Omni

Scully - Polysexualr

Doug Judy - Biromantic - Abrosexual

[scottishaccentsareawesome]

...Oh my God, now I’m totally getting on a roll with this Top Gun x B99 headcanon...

- Iceman and Holt would be great acquaintances (Holt would never call anyone his “best friend”, that term’s entirely too childish)

- Ice and Maverick would have dinner with Holt and Kevin every time they’re in new York (Mav thinks they’re a little weird in terms of their dry sense of humour,, but he likes them enough)

- When Ice and Maverick come to the 99th precinct to visit Holt one day, Maverick meets Jake and Jake suddenly has a new Man Crush/Hero

- Amy, Ice and Holt have a groupchat where they talk about their husbands

- Maverick and Jake have groupchat with Charles where they all just constantly send memes to each other

- Maverick and Terry also bond and text each other about their dumb grown-up kids (Mav and the Daggers, Terry and the squad)

[call-me-chips]

B99 orientation headcanons cuz I'm bored:

Jake: Bi

Amy: Straight ally or bi

Boyle: Pan

Rosa: Bi (Canon), demigirl

Terry: Straight ally

Gina: Unlabeled, but queer

Holt: Gay (Canon)

Kevin: Gay (Canon)

Adrian: Pan, trans (???)

Judy: Straight ally

Hitchcock: "A hole is a hole"

Skully: Doesn't know what a sexuality is

[plasticbabyart]

Imagine Stealth Elf, Europtor, and Spyro on their first day of classes, and Jet Vac just looks at them and KNOWS they're going to be trouble but best friends too.

YEAAAAAS 100% !!!!

In the first year or so it was rocky, Eruptor was very friendly to both of them and slowly became close friends but Spyro and Elf always butt heads- and everyone just KNEW they were going to be best friends!!

I think by the end of second year they were closer than ever, literally never separated- They saw that they were actually very much alike, Elf still remains Spyros biggest Critic, but in turn he's her biggest Supporter

Eruptor is happiest being in-between the two, they're both high energy while he's more mellow, he's happy when they are, being the emotional support of the group.

However, all three when together are a total pain in JVs tail feathers !!

[delaccors]

Cassian: So, what do you say? Should we take this partnership from the sheets to the streets?

Jyn: Ooohhh, our first mission as a couple.

Cassian: Why not?

Bodhi: Hey, guys. I just discovered a new drug, too. It's called your relationship and I'm high on it.

[nftdaisy]

no.2

i know you’re my endgame from the first time.

[lyssak09]

That’s totally okay!! I just love him so much and I think boyle would be an interesting yandere :) could i please request either headcanons or an imagine of him becoming obsessed with reader who is new to the 99 and a lot younger? maybe he’s obsessed with her having his child, and she resists a lot (which makes him sad) but ultimately he gets what he wants and she has their daughter. you can make it as dark/smutty/funny as you’d like! thank you so much my mutual bestie :))

Yandere Charles Boyle hcs

This 50/50 serious and not serious. I hope you all enjoy this! And anything for you Noella! (Also, the amount of people this man has a chokehold on is crazy) TW: there is some NSFW stuff in here, just a forewarning. And please remember that Charles in canonically a freak in the show

Boyle is an interesting yandere in my opinion.

I believe he is a delusional, obsessed, and possessive yandere, just to name a few of his yandere traits.

He definitely fell in love with you extremely quick, like faster than when he fell for Vivian.

And since Charles fell for you so quick he goes full boyle even faster, and 10x worse.

You awoke from your sleep on the couch to heavy and aggressive knocks on your door. Standing up and walking to your door, you started to get an odd feeling in your stomach. But you opened the door. You were met with a crazed and terrified looking Charles, he lunged at you and pulled you into a crushing hug. "You weren't answering my calls or texts! I thought something horrible happened! You can't scare me like that Y/N." Charles told you, tightening his hold on you. Turning your head, you looked at the time displayed on your clock, it read 1 am. You turned back to Boyle, letting out a sigh. "Charles, it one o'clock at night. I was asleep!" you told him while trying to wiggle out of his hold. Boyle wouldn't let go of you though. He started to push his way into your home with you in his hold until Jake came running to your door. "Charles! You're coming on too strong bud!" Jake told his best friend and started to pry him off you. "I'm sorry I took so long to get here Y/N, but I wasn't expecting to have to coming running over here after receiving over 1,000 messages!" Jake said while scolding Boyle. You gave Jake a smile of relieve once he freed you from Boyle, "Thanks Jake.". "Boyle tried walking further in your home trying to convince you to let him spend the night. Jake tried to get Charles to back off and let him take him home, but you gave in. You knew Charles wouldn't relent unless you let him stay. "Its okay Jake. Its late anyways, go ahead and head home. Charles can stay. " Charles gave the biggest grin after you said that. Jake nodded his head, understanding that boyle wouldn't stop till he got what he wanted. Jake tried to tell you goodbye but was interrupted by the door getting slammed in his face by Boyle.

Boyle is so jealous and possessive. Like if you look at a dude too long he will start to freak.

Charles sobbing, "Is it cause he's prettier than me?". "Charles! He's our freaking server! I have to talk to him!"

I can't tell you how many times he has assaulted someone for you. And of course he hides it well. He is a cop after all.

Sometimes though, on bad and stressful days, Charles will get sloppy and come home in a bit of blood. Not enough to scare you. But definitely noticeable.

"Charles, why is there blood on your shirt" you asked. Boyle paused for a second, looked down to his shirt and finally noticing the blood he missed. "Oh its nothing baby! A perp had gotten a couple of cuts while running, so when I tackled him I guess I got some of his blood on me and didn't notice." He answered your question with a weird smile. But you didn't wanna push anything.

Boyle is very forceful with his affections. He'll just randomly attack you with hugs, kisses, etc.

We all know this dude is weirdly over romantic.

He'll randomly show up to your apartment with a tub full of selfcare stuff so he can spoil you in the bath and shampoo your hair.

Expect lots of romantic dinners with some weird ass exotic food.

Boyle is also very very manipulative.

If you do anything he doesn't like then be ready to either be gaslit, guilt tripped, and or threatened.

I honestly believe that if you talked about ever taking a break from him, he would threaten to kill himself.

"If you ever try to leave me I will kill myself"

Then he goes back to spoiling you

He will get you to marry him. Nikolaj needs a new mom after that unfortunate accident that killed Genevieve.

If Charles has to use his power over you he will. But first he'll butter you up to the idea by telling you all the benefits that come with being married to a cop.

If that doesn't work though then he'll either causally threaten you or get you two married without your knowledge.

It shouldn't be too hard to forge your signature on the marriage certificate, Gina will gladly forge it for him.

The whole squad is super happy for you and him. And fully support your relationship. After everything Boyle has gone through he deserves to be happy. And if he needs a little help that may or may not be illegal, then they'll help him.

The girls love having girls night with you. You love it too. Its the only thing Charles will let you do without his unbearable presence.

But little do you know that he planted a bug on you. And if you do anything he wouldn't approve off, you'll get ratted out to him by one of the three girls. (Probably Amy)

Your outing with the girls allows them to intervene if you two are having problems (aka you tried to escape again). They'll convince you that what Charles is doing is okay. And it usually works, so you stop trying to escape for a bit.

The squad loves you a lot and loves how happy you make Boyle. So if them sorta manipulating, gaslighting you, and looking the other way keeps you with him. Then so be it.

Holt, Rosa, Gina are the most likely to gaslight you. Terry, Jake, and Amy will 100% manipulate you.

They just want you to be with someone who truly loves you. And Charles really really really loves you

Like I said, you're gonna get married to charles no matter what.

It'll be a very extravagant and erotic wedding. But of course only the squad and just maybe your parents can come. Charles just doesn't want them to disapprove of your relationship with him. Not that that really matters.

By the time it gets to the "I do"s you're probably gonna be in shock. But you have to say I do. Or else all hell will break loose.

After the wedding, you're officially screwed. You no longer have a chance to escape.

If you somehow managed to. Then Charles has basically the whole NYPD after you.

So really, there's no point in you trying to escape. Unless you manage to find the tracker he put in you, take it out, and flee the country.

Oh, by the way, you know how much Charles wants to be a papa? Well right after you two get married, its baby making time!

You might not be super pumped to be a mom but you don't really have a choice.

He might be shooting blanks but he will do whatever it takes to get his samples from his ex-wife. You two are going to have children, no matter what

Charles will randomly send you lists of baby names or themes for a nursery.

Everyone on the squad is super pumped once you do get pregnant. They're all gonna be aunts and uncles.

Jake can't wait to be a godfather.

Gina, Amy, and Rosa will 100% fight over who gets to be the god mother.

As we know, Boyle has delivered so many Boyle babies that he will want to do a hom birth. He will not let you go to the hospital. Not only will he miss out on being the duola but you might try to escape to.

Once your sweet baby is born you'll probably love it and hold it. Charles will be so happy.

Charles: "Isn't he/she beautiful?".

You: " ☺ Yeah, he/she is. If you ever make me do this again I will rip your testicles out and feed them to you"

Charles: "😳"

Charles will spam message you during the day while he is at work. It gets to the point where you start leaving your phone far away from you. Of course every time you do that you get a terrified and upset Charles bursting through the door because he thinks something happened to you.

Charles will share every little detail about you and the baby. No matter how personal the story is.

"Charles, I swear to god if you tell another poor waitress about my morning sickness I will break your nose"

As we know, Boyle is into some weeeeird stuff when it comes to the bedroom.

Remember that box of stuff he sent to Jake and Amy on their honeymoon? He bought a duplicate and tested everything out on you first.

You were low key traumatized after and sent Amy a very long message about the box telling her to either enjoy it like freaky Charles did, or burn it before its too late.

I whole heartedly believe that in the beginning of your relationship with Charles, (aka before he showed you his creepy yandere side) he would drug your food with aphrodisiacs (to get you in the mood) or he would drug it with things that would calm you and make you compliant. (Before you knew he was drugging you, you just thought that he was really the one since you were always so calm and 'happy' with him)

You know how weirdly possessive and clingy he can be with Jake?(Like when he destroyed government property because he thought Jake was replacing him)

Well he's way worse with you. He would hint at attacking a friend of Jake's, but with you he threatens and 100% attacks people that he thinks are too close to you.

He might even kill a few if push comes to shove, and will he be upset about it?

Not really, sure he'll be in shock for a minute or two. But he won't be upset about taking a life, because it was for you. For your relationship with him.

Charles is a family man, so seeing you mom Nikolja makes his heart swell. Sure when you first started dating Charles you knew about Nikolja, and you were prepared to take on a mother figure role if your relationship developed. But you were not ready for how quickly Charles thrusted that role upon you

From the moment Charles saw you he knew you were gonna be his wife no matter what. So he drilled into Niko that you're gonna be his new mom, even before you actually started dating.

He would take sneaky photos of you, he constantly staked you out before and after you started dating, and he would show the appropriate photos of you to Niko and would say "That's your new mommy."

Yes, Charles takes creepy inappropriate photos of you, 95% of them without you knowing. Don't act surprised.

Anyyways, Charles loves putting you in that mommy role with Niko. He makes you partake in the bedtime routine, has you go on mommy/son dates (before he trapped you), makes you go to parent teacher conferences, introduces you as his mom (and you can't disagree because you'll look shitty, Charles will be upset, if niko hears you said that you weren't his mommy he'll be so sad :(, and you do actually love Niko in a maternal way)

On the sweeter side of this mess, Charles is very understanding and caring when it comes to your mental health. If you're going through a depression episode then he'll pamper you, hold you, and do anything (almost anything) to make you feel even a little bit better. He'll always make sure you're actually taking your meds if you're on them. Charles will even let you see a therapist!

He'll make it be online appointments though, and the room you're in will be bugged. So telling your therapist about your true situation will really do nothing for you, Charles will convince the doctor and anyone else the doc tells, that you're just really struggling, you're so overwhelmed that you're hallucinating! Which you know isn't true.

If you're struggling mentally, Niko will go to wherever you're at and cuddle with you, trying to make his mama feel better. He'll even bring you home a drawing he made of you and him at his art class.

Of course you love it, how could you not? So you make Charles buy a frame big enough for the picture and hang it up on your wall. The picture makes you feel a bit better when you look at it.

All in all, Charles does care about you in his own twisted way.

NSFW Stuff Below!! Be Warned!!

I know how much you simp for him @flowercrowns-goodvibes so these might get raunchy 😬 sorry this part is so short 😫

Charles low-key manipulated and kinda begged you to be intimate before he napped you.

But after he kidnapped you he 1000% drugged you to get you to be more willing

Aka get you stop struggling, not that he doesn't like it. He actually believes you're just playing hard to get to get him to be a bit more rough and dominant when you struggle and yell at him.

Charles telling Jake about his night with you last night: Yeah, she kept yelling and fighting back, so I just grabbed the cuffs and put them on her and ignored her.

Jake absolutely mortified: Charles, THATS RAPE

Charles giggling like Jake's a silly goober: Noooo, she just wanted Daddy to get rough

Everyone near them violently vomiting

Like I said, he's a delusional freak 💙

Charles loves Roplaying with Jake for a case right? So just imagine him during sexy time with you.

He has a whole backstory for his character and yours.

Will get so butt hurt if you're not acting super into it like him.

Breeding kink breeding kink breeding kink

Dude is all about getting you pregnant. Just the thought of you round with his kid sends all the blood in his brain downstairs

[jake-and-amy-are-married]

Baking

Jake is too intimidated by the oven and baking recipes that he generally tries to avoid it.

Amy LOL

It's Charles and Niko who give Mac that, with the freshly baked cookies and wonderfully homemade cakes.

[just-a-latina-fangirl]

Calling each other work husband wife before getting married

They don’t want or need to because Charles reminds them all the time that they’ll be “work husband/wife for real” and that he “called it years ago”

[madwomansapologist]

Hello! I noticed that you have Brooklyn nine nine in your masterlist

As a fan of B99, May I request a wholesome headcanon of Rosa Diaz, Amy Santiago, Jake Peralta, Charles Boyle and Terrence Jeffords' reaction of meeting the reader who is captain Raymond Holt and kevin cosner's adoptive child and is working in the 99th precinct

Sorry if this is long

99th precint meeting Kevin & Holt adoptive child would include

Masterlist | Rules | Taglist | Library | More B99 | AO3

synopsis: The squad already knew that Raymond Holt is a man of few words, but who would have thought that he had a child?

warnings: none. gender neutral. no race implied. no age implied. like jake and amy, everyone deserves to feel like Holt and Kevin's kid. all b99 detectives included. reader have Holt and Kevin's personality.

Dear 99th Precint, I proudly inform you that today will be my child's first day of work as a rookie cop in our precinct. Don't embarrass me. Sincerely, Raymond Holt.

• No one had ever heard Raymond talking about having a child. They never saw a photo of them on his house. Kevin never mentioned something. Or have them? No. No, they didn't.

• Even Gina was surprised. She was mean about it, of course, but she didn't knew anything.

• When Holt arrived, everyone was waiting for him on his office. Peralta tried to play cool before asking, but soon Terry was screaming about how could he have a child and didn't say anything to them.

Haymond answered without blinking an eye: "Peralta would make it weird." Everyone understood. "Hey!" Everyone except Peralta. "But why you don't have pictures with them on your house?" Amy asked. "Are you implying I would forget my child's face, Santiago?" Holt was clearly offended.

• You arrived apologizing for being three minutes and seven seconds late. Rosa widened her eyes, muttering about you being his copy. Holt smiled at that comment.

• Jake tried to act like a cool big brother but as soon as you opened your mouth he was fangirling over you. You made a mental note about calling him "bro" if you ever needed something from him or wanted to make him happy. Every single little thing you did was a reason for him to smile widely.

• Terry offered to show you the place, and told you everyone's name. He was all sweet and polite, acting like the dad of the squad. Well, he was. Terry made questions about your training and abillities. He was trying to show off, and it was working.

• Amy was affraid of saying something wrong. Amy danced when you said your father talked about her, and immediately regreted that. All her atempts of acting cool were imterrupted by Gina's jokes. She almost cried when you refered to her as your father's apprentice.

• Hitchcock and Scully thought you were already working with them. They didn't get what was happening. Holt was so glad when they went to took a nap.

• You and Rosa sat down and spent thirty minutes in absolute silence. It was the best experience of your entire life.

• Gina was waiting for you in the hallway of the bathroom. She asked if you wanna form a alliance with her. You obviously said yes, despite not knowing what she really meant by that.

• You were surprised for not meeting Boyle. On your lunch break, you realized why: he had rushed to prepare a meal for the two of you. He and Terry got into a fight about food while you were eating. It was exactly like your father told you. It was perfect.

• You have a nice feeling about working there.

GENERAL TAGLIST: @suakemi @notanalienindisguiseblink

if you enjoyed, please reblog! i promise it makes a difference ♡

@ madwomansapologist.tumblr.

[bbagelbitch]

Assorted Nekoma headcanons: (just for funzies)

(they've been sitting in my archives for YEARS)

First years:

Lev actually managed to get a girlfriend at one point about halfway through first year, she asked him out because she thought he was cute, broke up with him a week and a half later after realizing he’s a dumbass and a bit of a weirdo

Shibuyama is one of those people who you’d think he’s just listening to Taylor swift or something but he unplugs his earbuds and its like- little darkie or some screamo heavy metal LMAO

Shibuyama has a helicopter mom which feeds his anxiety to the point that he carries pepper spray with him sometimes

Tamahiko has a pet tarantula

Inuoka is the kind of person who’d wear shorts when its snowing out

Inuoka and lev will both unironically do Fortnite dances during practice

Shibayama totally has a bunch of allergies and is a picky eater

Inuoka and lev are basically just human garbage disposals (will eat ANYTHING)

Lev can’t swim

Biblically accurate lev Haiba (gets the worlds WORST sunburns every time he goes outside)

Lev has low blood pressure and will randomly faint when standing up too fast (Kenma has the same problem but refuses to admit it)

Inuoka is one of those people who types in all caps the majority of the time. Every literature and language teacher he’s ever had has told him off for using way too many exclamation points. (He can’t help it he’s just a happy little dude)

Lev texts constant updates about what he’s doing t the team group chat to the point where he’s been kicked off of it more times than he can count. (Usually for talking about taking a shit) (see Charles Boyle from B-99 for reference)

Second years:

Fukunaga and Kenma rarely have actual text conversations but they’re constantly sending memes back and forth to each other

Tora actually has fairly curly hair and it was a borderline afro when he was in elementary school (he’s part latino in my mind argue with the wall)

Kenma listens to almost exclusively video game soundtracks (skyward sword is his favourite)

Tora totally listens to girypop rap (he is 100% a Flo milli Stan sorry)

Tora has asked kai for advice on how to talk to girls SEVERAL times and the information that you should just talk to them like they’re normal people blows his mind every time (how does kai do it? Is he a witch? A demon?

Fukunaga owns at least 3 cats and they all have weird names (inspired by my friend who’s cat’s name is Fax Machine)

Kenma is the world’s driest texter (canon actually)

Also fukunaga uses :3 constantly

Fukunaga and kenma constantly bully Tora about his obsession with looksmaxing and say shit like “he can’t talk he’s too busy mewing” LMFAO (you either drip or you drown taketora)

Tora knows how to braid hair cause he’d help akane with her hair when they were younger

All of the second years used to bite people when they were kids

Third years:

The third years have done group costumes for halloween since their first year

Kai is basically the team’s dedicated tutor (Kuroo is too snarky and yaku is too impatient)

Kuroo listens to western (English) music cause he thinks it makes him seem cool and he developed a superiority complex about it. “Oh you haven’t heard of Radiohead?”

Also kuroo and yaks have pretty similar music taste (a lot of modern rock) but the key difference is Kuroo likes arctic monkeys and yaku likes the strokes (they argue about which band is better constantly (yaku is right, its the strokes))(cause they always have to be arguing about something smh)

Kai also totally has a longtime girlfriend in high school bro is possibly the only person on the team who’s done ANYTHING with a girl (probably one of the only people on the whole damn SHOW)

Kai defo knows martial arts I would not want to face him in a fight

Kuroo still uses emoticons instead of emojis :3 ;D and whenever he does, yaku makes fun of him and tells him to “get with the times”

Yaku 100% repeats what Kuroo says in a mocking tone whenever the opportunity arises

Kai is the type of person to say “personality” when asked if he prefers tits or ass

Miscellaneous:

Nekoma is the most neurodivergent team in the whole show bruh like come on 

(autistic: Lev, Kenma, fukunaga.)(kenma totally also has ARFID)

(ADHD: Inuoka, Yamamoto, (both textbook cases of ADHD in guys) Kuroo, fukunaga) (Fukunaga my AuDHD king)

(OCD: Tamahiko, shibuyama (I just get vibes ok leave me alone) 

(Yaku isn’t neurodivergent he just has anger issues lmao) 

Kai is the only sane one on the entire team

Kuroo is also 100% one of those kids who got diagnosed with adhd really young so he appears mostly normal thanks to being medicated from the age of like- 6

Every single person on the team is oblivious as to when someone is flirting with them (kai is the exception)(girls pull out the wow your hands are so big and you’re so tall all the time and NOBODY reads into it)

Kai exclusively smells like a mix of vanilla and sandalwood and on the other side of that spectrum, Yamamoto reeks of axe body spray and b.o. No matter how many times Kenma tells him that axe actually drives girls away, Tora never listens.

Akane becomes manager of the boys volleyball team once she reaches high school (the first years will be third years by then)

The team all protective as HELL over akane (canon tbh)

[aquatint-101]

Kataang wedding headcanons specifically

Kataang wedding headcanons specifically So Aang and Katara get engaged in the balcony of Iroh's tea shop during sunset for maximum cringe, and their plan is to have a ceremony there itself Except Zuko objects, says that the Avatar's wedding would be the perfect opportunity to promote world peace and unity and blah blah blah King Kuei offers to bankroll the whole thing the next time he meets the couple, so does Zuko, and they unilaterally agree that this wedding needs to be the event of the century I mentioned the Ambani wedding specifically because that is how ridiculous this gets Sokka is put in charge of the planning, and he goes so overboard Amy Santiago would be ashamed, and his bachelor party idea on Ember Island is so elaborate Charles Boyle would start crying Toph assigns herself the role of sommelier and gets absolutely hammered as an excuse Suki is in charge of security but she constantly finds assassins at every turn, but 90% of that is just her being paranoid Mai is in charge of flowers but did not get the memo so now they're all poisonous Smellerbee, Longshot, the Duke, and Pipsqueak make fireworks that are big and loud and definitely not legal Teo and Haru decide to build a wacky guest house that is a crime against architecture as a discipline Zuko is in charge of the guest list but several diplomatic incidents happen because of who's not on it Ty Lee helps decorate and is the only one doing a good job Again, this is Ambani level ridiculous: there are custom outfits, live portraits, the best musicians in the whole world, gourmet chefs from every culture Speaking of, Sokka has the brilliant idea to combine wedding traditions from all four nations, making the ceremony even more stupidly elaborate Businesses sign up for massive catering contracts and turn the wedding into an economic opportunity A bajillion A-list attendees show up in their best (worst) outfits to the engagement party, turning it into the ATLA verse's equivalent of the Met Gala for a hot minute It should be mentioned at this point that neither Aang nor Katara had any input in the planning Katara is literally ugly crying after the engagement party, and Aang isn't really able to comfort her because he's ugly crying now too because it was really That Bad Like people throughout the party are asking them when they'll "make more airbenders" and making thinly veiled racist comments about both their cultures Every little thing they wanted for themselves isn't happening Kanna gives them her blessing to elope, and they end up running off to the Southern Air Temple and getting married in front of Gyatso's statue to get his "blessing" too They also get married in their PJs (I hc that they made themselves matching ones that are blue and yellow with cloud patterns) and have little flower crowns It's honestly so stinking cute They're able to stop the seven-month wedding plan from going through before any major financial transactions are made It is still remembered as the wedding of the century, but not for the reasons anybody anticipated

[call-me-chips]

Headcanons for Boyle from Brooklyn 99?

I can see him being VERY into kpop and jpop, but especially Hatsune Miku

Like, he's got the Miku merch, he's got a Miku cosplay, and if he sees Miku themed products in public, he HAS to buy it

He's hoping to convert Nikolaj to Miku-ism by slowly playing more and more of her songs around him

[saedii-gilwraeth-simp]

Squad 312 Valentine’s day headcanons? Hope you’re having a good day!

Ooh fun!

~~

Kal is an expert at Valentines Day - we stan a simp king

Anyway, he does breakfast in bed for Auri with her favourite comfort foods

He learnt to make some of her parents standard comfort foods so he always makes her something that reminds her of her first home

He always buys the prettiest flowers for their home and then will usually give her two presents

The first is whatever practical gift she asked for when he asked what she wanted

The other is normally something very frivolous but she always loves it - it’s normally a pair of shoes haha

They usually go out for a romantic dinner in the evening and the Auri drags him to whatever trashy movie is inevitably coming out on Valentine’s Day.

Kal never asks for anything for VD but Auri always treats him to something intimate even if it’s not a physical present.

She likes the Charles Boyle classic of washing his hair when they’re getting ready for dinner

Saedii and Tyler do a very low-key Valentine’s Day

Usually Tyler will buy Saedii a new ornamental dagger and Saedii will get Tyler something inevitably boring related to his interests

one year it was a model ship, but Tyler said it was appropriately romantic for VD bc the ship was the same class as the ship Saedii and him met properly on

They normally do a dinner date but bc of their jobs they did it over video call for a few years

Fin and Scarlett fall somewhere in the middle, just depends how life is year to year.

They tend to be least fussed on making sure they celebrate VD on the day itself, so they often will do the valentines-ey things anywhere from a week to a month afterwards

The first few years they were together, they were very typical with the whole thing

Chocolate, flowers and romantic dinners were staples

They got creative after they got married and more so when they had kids

But they always get it on for VD. 3/5 of their kids have birthdays in the month that is 10 months after Valentines that’s all I’m saying

Anyway…

But they do always do something nice to celebrate Valentines, which is part of why they don’t mind if they’re waiting a week or two to actually properly spend time with each other

To everyone’s surprise, Zila is the one more likely to put effort into valentines for her and Nari

Nari tends to forget when valentines is approaching but Zila tend not to forget anything, so she’ll start planning Valentines just after new years

Usually Zila’s presents are ones Nari will love, including a new pair of combat boots or organising a surprise visit from Nari’s family

Nari gives Zila less functional presents but Zila loves them as well.

She always gets given a new pair of earrings but has also loved every book or outfit Nari buys

One year, Nari got Magellan to shut the fuck up for a full week as a present. Nari got very lucky that Valentine’s Day

*peace sign*

[dreamyelectronicmusic]

Have you answered Simon’s month food yet? And I adore the idea for sharp dressed man!!!! The snippets you shared 🫠

Thank you so much! 💕

When the prompts for Simon’s month first dropped I was determined to participate (... oops) and I immediately jumped on the food prompt because one of my favourite headcanons is that Wille loves cooking for Simon (I guess I really sent Wille to the Charles Boyle school of intimacy huh). It could have been cute and fluffy but there’s something deeply wrong with me so I made it sad instead. Basically it’s about a year post-canon and Wille has been learning to cook with Felice because he wants to do nice things for Simon and he feels like he doesn’t have many ways to do that. Things haven’t been easy for them, the media attention and online hate didn’t go away and got even worse once Wille’s decision to step down was made public and it all disproportionately affects Simon. Wille has to go through all of that if he wants to be free, but what’s in it for Simon? So Wille tries to do nice things for him to make up for all of that a little but he feels like it can never be enough and there’s no way he can make being with him worth all the trouble for Simon. So, yeah. Then I decided nobody needs this kind of angst in their life.