#characters of mahabharat

[archpoet77]

many of y’all aren’t ready for this conversation yet but there is LITERALLY no one in the Mahabharat who’s completely innocent. Not Draupadi, not Krishna and certainly not Karna.

[blackknight-100]

It'll never stop being funny to me how Indra's status and power level changes throughout the different texts because initially, you have this absolute badass God-King who defeats a giant monster and gets together with his wife and holds court in heaven. Next the Ramayana rolls up and he is set as a benchmark for battle-skill: Meghnad, as the warrior who defeated him, is an absolute powerhouse who nearly kills both Rama and Lakshmana (and one of those two is a god). In fact, depending on the version, Rama and Lakshmana only survive by semi-divine intervention (Garuda and Hanumana). It is a story about how Lakshmana, an exiled third prince, kills the man who defeated the King of Gods, thereby proving the victory of good over evil et cetera... et cetera... You know the drill.

And then, you have the Mahabharata. Where Krishna, then a young boy, protects an entire settlement from Indra's rage. Which... you know what, fine, he too is a god.

But then, Arjuna defeats Indra, who is his father. Arjuna, who presumably upset the audience a few moments ago after he just burned a whole forest with everyone (including children) in it to supposedly satisfy Agni.

Then, Indra shows up to Karna's doorstep begging for his armour, and Karna who had previously angered the audience by calling Draupadi a harlot gets to demand things from the king of the gods.

See the pattern?

Also they have that absolute disaster of a ceremony and their city is called Indraprashtha.

Like come on, at this point you're just using Indra as the bonus +500 point in games to get your favourites in the audience's good books after they messed up.

[theramblergal]

A random thought on accessibility in the Mahabharata fandom. I know a lot of us like to say that the BORI CE is the ultimate version against which all fanfiction/ideas/thoughts measure up to.

But then again, it's a 6000 page document. It's 1.8 million words.

If you can find the time and patience to read through such a long document, kudos to you.

But if you can't, it's okay. Sure, the BORI is the golden standard, but it's not the end-all, be-all. The Mahabharata is more than just itihaasa, it is the culture of us Indians. It is a tale from which we are meant to taken inspiration, interpret it and apply them in our lives.

It's okay if your interpretation doesn't match up with what the original characters are. (And it might be controversial for me to say it, but I feel like it has to be said.) So much time has passed that we are never truly going to know what these characters were originally like.

Besides, one of the main qualities of literature is critical reading. Everyone's viewpoint differs; the way you read one person's actions might not be the same as another's. That's what makes it so appealing.

It's okay if you haven't read the original texts. Just as it's okay if you have, and believe the original interpretations are true to you.

[zeherili-ankhein]

What if we take the morally greyest characters from both the epics

In short

Karn: Omg you're like me except you have like a prefix before my nameee

Kumbhkarn: VIBHISHAN LEMME GO

Vibhishan: *holding him back* CALM. DOWN.

They are darker than the Tumblr grey

Also both would hate eachother vwry much tbh

Why's Kumbh trying to run away lmao 😭

Karna: ...what did I do

Kumbhkarna: LEMME GO I AM SCARED

Vibhishan: what

Karna: what

Kumbhakarna: what

[hindulivesmatter]

The Men of Mahabharat

Who's your favourite?

All of the men (who aren't villains) who played pivotal roles in the Mahabharat. Let's see who Tumblr loves the most!

Reblog to reach a wider audience!

Next poll: The Villains of Mahabharat.

[whimsiquix]

Hilarious tidbit of the day, that time Draupadi called Arjun the best of the Pandavas to the other Pandavas:

‘In particular, Panchali remembered the husband who was in the middle, the brave one who was absent. She told the foremost of the Pandavas, “In the absence of the two-armed Arjuna, the equal of the many-armed Arjuna and the best of the Pandavas, this forest seems cheerless to me. Wherever I look, the earth seems to be empty to me. This forest, with its many marvels and blossoming trees, no longer seems to be attractive in Savyasachi’s absence. This Kamyaka is as blue as monsoon clouds and is frequented by elephants in rut. But without Pundarikaksha, it has no charm. The twang of his bow is like the roar of the thunder. O king! I remember Savyasachi and without him, I cannot find any peace of mind.”

- BORI 376(79)

Side note: Pundarikaksha means: ‘The Lotus-Eyed-One’. 🪷 Something about Draupadi frequently describing how beautiful she finds Arjun absolutely breaks my mind actually.

[heisen-heimer]

Ok hear me out:

A Mahabharat anime would slap so hard

[ravenwraithe]

ouhhh needle guy, wont you hug me? come a little closer, make me bleed, make me lose my mind from bloodloss and erase my worries

[stxrrynxghts]

Uttar, an analysis

The ages of Uttar and Uttara are a big plot hole in the Mahabharat. I personally like to imagine Uttara as a 16 year old when she gets married (and Abhimanyu is 19), but Uttar is someone I am very confused for.

Uttar, along with his bro Shankh are mentioned during the Draupadi swamayvar. It is written that Virat arrived with the both of them, when mentioning the kings who had arrived.

Perhaps Uttar was a kid. Let's assume that he was a kid, 3 years old? Now, let's calculate. If we include the 12 year exile that Arjun had, the 13 year exile of the Pandavas, and an extra one year Uttar turns out to be 29 years old.

Even Abhimanyu's age can be calculated to be in the early thirties by some, but I kind of reject that theory. I personally see him being a young adult. But, the Upapandavas are another plot hole.

We know next to nothing confirmed about them, except that they were atirathis, and the manner in which they died. Even their achievements in the War are not specifically highlighted. Their ages are a point of contradiction as well. Their existence is mentioned ONLY after we are given a description of Abhimanyu's birth.

I personally feel that they could have been older. Abhimanyu being the youngest kid of the Pandavas might as well make sense. The Upapandavas were probably in their mid twenties- early thirties by that account.

Back to Uttar:

His actions are mostly termed as being cowardly. He was undoubtedly a decent warrior, as he had defeated Shalya, and COULD have killed him, if he had not boasted and given Shalya time to hurl a spear at him (LOL).

Uttar is someone who mostly spends time with members of the opposite sex. He is also the heir apparent of the Kingdom, and has relatively no experience of war. Doesn't mean that he was not trained enough. The most plausible explanation for his actions are that he panicked after seeing such a big army, that too alone.

Virat was a Maharathi, and Kichaka was one of the most powerful people alive at that time. I don't think that Uttar would have gotten to fight in any wars, when there were so many experienced warriors in the army already?

I came to the conclusion that he FELT that he could fight the whole army himself, and had a somewhat romantic view of the war, but when he saw the army, he panicked.

Uttar is a green boy, doesn't matter what his age is. It was his first war, and seeing the likes of Bhishma and Drona in front of him would cause panic to anyone.

Arjun did not TEACH him warfare (as shown in CERTAIN shows.) He just gave him confidence to fight. I personally feel that Uttar was the only prince of a small kingdom, where life went on peacefully, and he had no reason to prepare for a war, unlike certain princes. Uttar's future was already set.

If you closely observe Uttara's character, she feels like someone who is very naive and innocent. She asks Uttar for clothes for her and her friends' dolls, and he readily agrees. The siblings are not understanding the depth of the situation they are in, and It can be plausible that they are too pampered as children?

My conclusion is that Uttar was a bit arrogant prince who needed a bit of a reality check and a confidence boost. His age, I feel, should be seen as somewhere in mid to late twentie. That makes his and Uttara's bonding interesting, since she is 10+ years junior to him.

[blackknight-100]

Going to just say it because I saw a bunch of YouTube videos this is seriously getting out of hand. Every time I see someone saying things like "oh no <insert opinion> is invalid because it's a later addition/interpretation!" I lose faith in humanity because people do realise right, that the Mahabharata and Ramayana at large are and have been passed down by word of mouth, and most people don't read KMG or BORI or Valmiki Ramayana? And these books came much later (BORI, for instance, was published in the 20th century), so it's not like they were accessible to the vast majority of people throughout the ages in the middle, or even now to those who can't read or don't have internet. People told tales about the characters of MB and RMYN, and yes, they added new things, which became a part of folklore and incorporated the struggles of the locals, because most literature and oral traditions are a mirror of the society. So everytime a folkloric opinion is dismissed because it's not "in the original version", we are effectively dismissing the history of those people and the fluid nature of storytelling. And yes, this includes TV and media - they are absolutely influenced by current political situations and mass opinions.

That being said, some people are waaaay too obsessed with whitewashing their MB blorbos or obsessing about Ravana and it's ruining the environment. WHY ARE PEOPLE TRYING TO WHITEWASH RAVANA? In most versions everyone hated him. There is probably NO ONE in all of Lanka who wanted him to win. The only reason Mandodari was supposed to be devoted is because Mandodari was his wife and the only way to represent good women, as we all know, is to make them good wives.

As for MB, any major male character, except the sages maybe and the last generation of Kurus, 90% of the time has something awful in their resume. And you know what? Good for them! LET THEM COMMIT CRIMES IN PEACE GOOD GODS.

[incorrectmahabharatquotes]

This is not as coherent as my usual posts and I'm sorry about that in advance. This is tangentially related to our last post about women in Mahabharat. I saw this post by @nushkiespeaks. I have a lot of thoughts about it but what matters the most in the context of our previous post is that I do not like the use of the phrase "her dharma saves her" in this scenario. I will explain.

TW: violence against women, sexual assault. Please proceed with caution.

(I want to clarify that this is not meant as a call out post or anything. These are just my thoughts about what some feminist analysis of the epic lack sometimes. You can feel free to agree or disagree with me but please be kind and respectful about it and not call people names or harass anyone.)

I love Draupadi as a character so I say the following with all the love in my heart for her:

People usually either praise Draupadi for being a perfect victim. Or denigrate her for not being one. To them, she's either the pure hearted goddess who believed in her personal god and fulfilled her dharma of being a perfect wife. Or she's the cunning woman who didn't perform her dharma properly and deserved what she got.

What gets left behind is that the fact no one should have to go through any of that regardless of whether you believe they performed their dharma correctly. What also gets left behind are: all the other women mentioned in the scene, if only in passing. The slaves.

If you're strictly talking about the BORI CE version of the story(as the post clearly is), while reading it, it's almost impossible to miss the repeated mentions of the normalised and legally sanctioned sexual abuse/harrassment and rape of slaves. (Side note: Yes, slavery was a thing back then. It's horrible. People just don't like to acknowledge the instances in the Mahabharat where slavery is mentioned because it's just not a good look for sacred books to be chill with and actively encouraging buying and selling of actual people like objects. Trust me, if you have a favourite character in the epic, they were probably involved in the practice of slavery somehow, even Krishna, I'm very sorry to tell you this.)

To me, it's odious to mention dharma whenever we talk about Draupadi's vastraharan because it leads the obvious conclusion that those other women mentioned in text suffer at the hands of their "masters", in part because maybe they weren't performing their dharma correctly.

Maybe that's not what people mean when they praise Draupadi for her dharmic perfection. But every time those people, I cannot help but think of those women. The ones that are forgotten.

The ones who were not allowed to save themselves.

I guess, I'm ultimately just trying to say that this post is just my humble request to people to not talk about topics such as sexual assault in terms of the moral character of the victim. The people may mean well, but it does unfortunately perpetuate the idea of a perfect victim.

-Mod S

[orgasming-caterpillar]

Mahabharat Characaters on Social Media: pt. 4

Pt. 3. Ao3

Draupadi

Family girl

Always posting photos and short videos of her family (Esp her husband Bheem, but also occasionally her brothers-in-law)

They all adore their bhabhi, it's the cutest thing ever.

Also some funny posts from time to time, mostly gets her ideas from Nakul and Krishna.

"Me and my twin wore the same hairstyle so no one could tell us apart" and then it's just Dhristadyumna

Shikhandi

Trans guy with a gorgeous girlfriend.

Martial arts enthusiast probably.

Gives short courses on how to fight properly.

Idk why but he gives me major calisthenics nerd vibes.

Gets a lot of transphobic comments, but his girlfriend is hotter than all the transphobes so he does not give half a shit

(SHIKHANDI SHIRTLESS THIRST TRAPS WITH THE TOP SURGERY SCARS AND THE MUSCLES AND THE— AHHHHH *DIES*)

Dhristadyumna

Has an account on every platform his siblings are on.

Headboy vibes.

Don't let that fool you though, he WILL fight you if you're mean

Respects his elder brother a lot, you can see that from his comment's under Shikhandi's posts

Always reposts his siblings' posts on his story.

Doesn't want too much attention though, so he deletes his account sometimes but always mkes another.

Drupad

Used to be abusive towards his daughter and trans son. Got a good dose of education (see: character development) from his daughter's best friend, Krishna. Now supports both of them.

Comments "My Son 💪💯" under all of Shikhandi's posts tell me I'm wrong I dare you.

Likes his daughter's husband.

Likes his daughter's best friend more.

"Vaasudev, ye thirst trap kya hota hai? Mujhe to Shikhandi ke comments mein kuch samajh nahi aa raha." "...Uncle ji, aap neend lelo thodi."

[esmeraywrites]

OOH OOH I'LL TELL YOU THE BIGGEST SIMILARITY??I GREW UP LISTENING BOUT ABHIMANYU AND

THE BIGGEST SIMILARITY IS

HEARING ABOUT BOTH MAKES ME CRY MY HEART OUT IN ABSOLUTE RAW PAIN COZ NEITHER DESRVED IT AND M CRYING NOW FML BUT LIKE ITS SOOOOOO SAD!!

So anyone here who has an idea about the great Indian epic Mahabharata and knows about the battle of Kurukshetra and has also read Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller..... DID YOU ALL ALSO NOTICE THE HUGE HUGE HUGE SIMILARITY BETWEEN THE DEATHS OF ABHIMANYU AND PATROCLUS.... please don't tell me I am the only one.!!

(If you want I can explainnnn) *aggressively puts forward a similarity-comparison chart between the Indian and Greek mythology complete with diagrams and footnotes and highlighted key points*

[forevermore05]

Let's say you're one of the writer's way back when Atla was first starting. Bryke has stepped back and let the writers do their thing. What are some things you would keep or remove completely? What are things you would have done differently? What would you have liked to explore more of with the story and the characters?

OOOH good question

I would definitely be giving South Asia, Hinduism, and Buddhism their honour back but making Desi main characters not caricatures. I will pay my respects to those religions by using them properly and not discarding them when you don't truly understand their meaning. And better representation will all the cultures.

Likewise, I would make a 4th (or maybe more) book, so we can see the healing of the 4 nations and flesh out the Gaang and other characters properly. I feel like ending it on book 3 was too sudden, and I hate the comic, so I don't even recognize those, since it is so OOC.

I would make Zuatara canon through some slow burn. I would not pair Aang up with anyone, since he is too young but keep him having a crush on Katara for the Chakra arc (which stays true and respect to Hinduism) but to provide a lesson on heartbreak and moving on. Same with Toph, such a cute little baby.

I will REMOVE those nonconsenual kisses entirely. Basically out with Kataang.

I want to see more of the evil politics of the Fire Nation before Aang defeats Ozai and how Zuko deals with it. In contrast, to how Zuko handles politics being Fire Lord.

I WANT more Suki and her backstory. I also want to see her and Ty Lee fight side by side. It would be so cool.

I would actually have Zuko and Katara speak to Azula after the Agni Kai.

I would keep Sokka's sexism arc.

Not only that, but I would love to explore Yue even more and her take on the NWT

I also want to go in depth with Mai, I want to give her some depth.

Have Aang's character understand the Mahabharat scripture before making a choice. (Maybe kill Ozai)

I want to see a healing arc for Azula

I also want Uncle Iroh to face some repercussion of being an activity member of war. I love Uncle Iroh, and I want to write the consequences and him accepting humbly due to his development.

Book 4 and (leading to adulthood) head canons for the Gaang

Katara: Helps the SWT and NWT, then goes on to become ambassador for the SWT in the Fire Nation

Zuko: Fire lord

Aang: Helping all the Nations to heal

Toph: I think she would totally be the creator of the pro-bender, you cannot change my mind, I think she would also become a teacher

Suki: Girlbossing as a Kyoshi Warriors and being known as one of the best

Sokka: Become Chief of SWT and a skilled engineer

I want Katara and Zuko to find his mother together (so we can get good development)

I feel like I have more, but I will add more if I think of any.

[nushkiespeaks]

KRISHNA IN VYAS MAHABHARAT AND THE POWER OF DUTY AND CHOICE (I)

Krishna in Vyaas Mahabharat

Trust me, I had seen Krishna's representation in TV serials and fictional books, but I always felt that something was missing. I understand the grand scale of Krishna, the all knowing Krishna, the mischief maker Krishna, the Dwarkadheesh Krishna, but I could hardly find nuances in the portrayal or how he exactly intertwines his roles together as one. In many instances, I feel like I am seeing actually different persons rather than entirely one. It should be one man enacting different activities, but somehow I felt fictions and serials cannot capture it well enough.

This is when I started reading Bori Ce, and oh man the way I was completely blown off by his portrayal! This is exactly what I had imagined Krishna to be! The all in one man showing all the nuances with perfect balance, not underdoing or overdoing it!

This man openly shows affection, anger, patience, courage and what not and has a strong command, a personality, a confidence in his stance that he has immensely knowledgeable and knows what is right and wrong.

KRISHNA IN MAHABHARAT IS AN ENTIRE PERSONALITY IN ITSELF.

There isn't a stiffness to his character which I always feel is shown, or the general notion of him being always in a mischievous mood throughout, nor he is the one who would always be ready to throw heavy "gyaan" in your way, everytime someone is upset.

1. Krishna, fitting in Mahabharat as a human and as a God: [ Krishna feels you, he gets you what you feel ] :

Krishna in Mahabharat, actually behaves like a person does as per required in a situation. He actually feels like a separate individual dealing with problems, fighting through it like anyone of us. Him being God, doesn't actually draw him from the fact that he will do a task with his command or Maya. Rather he takes up a situation, understands it and does his best to work upon it.

And you find him in a range of emotions while dealing with a situation.

For example, after the Dyut, he goes to meet Pandavas and Draupadi. The texts actually show how much he was shivering with anger, so much so that the forest seems like being caught in a storm, the sky in tremors and the earth is shaking. At that moment, his anger was disastrous. He was angry, very angry and he shows it. This is when Arjun comes, falls at his feet and recounts Krishna's past and cools him down. And Krishna gets very emotional at this.

Imagine you're very angry, and someone comes and says words of calmness and you melt almost immediately, and reciprocate their affection. That's exactly what Krishna does. He could've shown his superiority, could've destroyed the surroundings around just because he's God and knew that Dyut was unrighteous that happened. But he doesn't. He calms down and shows affection to Arjun by reciprocating how much he loved him and considered him is own. Such a contrasting set of emotions shown so well, unlike how we see Krishna not giving a damn about the Pandavas and running straight towards Draupadi. This was not him. He was angry, but was never so much that would overpower everything. He sees the Pandavas distraught and he actually comforts them.

He goes to Draupadi next and is heartbroken at her condition. Yes, Draupadi openly complains to him about what had happened and weeps. And unlike how we think or had seen Krishna giving a series of speeches of how "world does things to the one who is right, you should be strong Sakhi, rise up" he doesn't do any of it. Because he understood what Draupadi needed was a burst out of her grief, and some comfort. Krishna does the same, he infact goes on to say that fie upon Arjun and Bheem, the strength of Pandavas, and how all the Kauravas will be vanquished. He asks her to stop shedding tears and that the Kaurav women will shed more tears than her.

This is when guys, this is when I felt him. He actually acted like anyone of us who will comfort someone who is distressed, to an extent he/she would go on to support their stance, instead of asking to forget about it or be strong instead. No. Krishna wanted her to lament it fully and not store it up within her or forget about it. Krishna never asks to try to forget whatever happened. He knew what exactly Draupadi wanted that time, and let's her be. The grief stricken Draupadi who only wanted to pour her heart out. He comforts her after listening to her stance and anger completely. He's moved by her grief and reciprocates her anger by saying they'll pay for their sins and he'll make sure of that. And this is actually what a response should be, or we give to someone near and dear one who's been hurt or done unjust. He exactly acts like US.

But he was God. According to our thinking, He could've said to her that why are you crying? Be strong, have faith and all that....but Krishna doesn't. This is where the nuance of him being a human and a God is bridged.

It's not over yet. Krishna openly says, how he should've been during the Dyut physically, but he couldn't because of a war. He feels upset that he couldn't be there.

This again adds up to the emotional range of Krishna, that doesn't generally reduce him to an all knowing God who is detached from the world.

BUT HE ACTUALLY IS. HIM BEING GOD ACTUALLY DETACHES HIM FROM WORLDLY EMOTIONS! HE SHOULD BE DETACHED FROM MATERIALISM AND THAT HE IS!

And that is actually the beauty of his amalgamation of him being Godly and humanly at the same time! He isn't emotionally detached from anyone, he's completely involved in each emotion but to an extent it is required. What you call it as a balance of it. You see both angles together in his character subtly, not overpowering each other but coming together as a whole to make him KRISHNA.

Krishna follows the way how a human should work, he is that's why for a reason is called the ULTIMATE MAN.

It's not for his physical strength or power, but also because of a PERFECT blend of emotions he displays, akin to a man and teaches us how exactly should it be.

This is where Krishna appears like a whole character and doesn't appear subtly flat with a single dimension of a God. You know he knows, he knows you know that he knows, but still....that emotional strike you will get while reading about him from Vyas Mahabharat will give you that feeling in your guts. It will just make you feel closer to him

[ TO BE CONTINUED ]

[friend-shaped-but]

Dhṛṣṭadyumna

I wrote this fun thing as a gift for @chucklingmaniacally AND as a writing excercise to get this character down.

tw for the usual mahabharat stuff of war and death+self-loathing and mild dissociation

They were born with a sword in their hand. They arise out of the fire, with no goal except vengeance. They are told they are a prince, the crown prince, even. Shikhandi stares at the ceremony from the gallery above, making no secret of his bitterness. Satyajit stands beside the throne, resigned. So, he was regent of Panchal, but now, he has gone back to being the spare. For a second, they feel good. They were chosen over others like Satyajit, who handled the kingdom and his father’s absence and his brothers’ hurts. Over Shikhandi, who brought many victories to Panchal, and was pushed aside because of one loss, or even Yudhamanyu and Uttamaujas. But father seems to forget about them half the time, so they do not pay the twins any mind either. Draupadi is the only one smiling encouragingly at them as they are crowned the yuvaraj, everyone else looking at them with either doubt, resignation, or even outright hatred. Dhṛṣṭadyumna feels that everyone is justified in hating him. It’s okay, they hate themself too. 

They are proud. Too proud, in fact, to ask for help. They secretly feel relieved when Satyajit catches an error in the budget that could have cost an already bankrupt Panchal even more. For the first time, they see that calm visage cracking as he berates father for it. Berates father for making them crown prince, tells him off about how they are inexperienced and naive and should not be in the position they are in. Should they have asked father to hold off, give them time, time to adjust to this new world, time to learn all the skills a prince should have? They shake off that thought. They need to carry out father’s desires, they are only there to kill Drona, nothing else. A weapon does not question the hand that wields it. They do not feel like a prince, they never have. They are only a prince by virtue of being the child of a king who looks vaguely male because a man makes a better weapon than a woman. They’ve always felt like a weapon. 

“Why was I spawned, why did you need me if you already had so many sons?” They ask the king. 

“They weren’t you” The king says, but Dhṛṣṭadyumna hears, ‘they were not weapon enough’. They hope they can be weapon enough. 

They’re not human, so sometimes they forget to breathe.

When none of their brothers talk to them at first, it makes them feel something strange in their chest. So they spend their time in the armoury of the Eastern wing of the palace, barely remembering to eat and sleeping on a bench there, training all day, sometimes into the night. Forgetting to blink, sometimes even to breathe. They need to be good. They need to make the king proud. That is what they were born for, right? Dhṛṣṭadyumna, the blade of Panchal, and Agn-Draupadi, it’s Soubhagya. Even now, the name agnija seems closer to them than Draupadi. She’s effervescent, effulgent, blazing like the fire of a yajna. She gets along with everyone, with her innocence and enthusiasm and good nature and self respect and smile. He loves her smile. They both diverge after emerging from the fire, him going after his father, his king, while she is taken away by the attendants who rush to make her presentable.  Yajnaseni. That’s what shikhandi calls her, whenever they get a chance to talk. Panchali, Satyajit calls her, after their homeland. The thing dearest to him. After all, for what do they exist but to be figurines the humans can project their desires onto? So, in public, they call her Draupadi, the daughter of Drupad, and she calls them Dhṛṣṭadyumna, his avenger. In private, however, the word agnija slips as easily from their tongue as Ushna slips from hers. 

And then, the palace feels too suffocating and thoughtlessly, they take a horse and wander off into the woods. The horse runs really fast, until it can’t. But the itch on their skin, the feeling like they’re trapped and trapped and about to explode- that hasn’t faded yet, so they dismount and walk ahead on foot. They’ve been a fool. The clouds were already greying when they set out, sunny afternoon quickly turning into a stormy evening and wrecking havoc all across the forest.  They slip and fall and steady themself and bump into trees and- They don’t know when the world goes black. 

The ground is still muddy when they feel someone shaking them awake. 

“You-” They look at Shikhandi, confused. Didn’t he hate them? “How-” 

“I’m your brother, what was I to do, leave you to die?” He laughs. “Get up!”  

“Come on, I’ll show you the way out,” he says again when they hesitate. 

They take the hand offered to them, and get up, shaking. The forest directly at the back of the castle was allowed to grow wild as a defence. Contrary to what people might believe, Kampilya was not a capital fashioned out of nothing when they had to pack up and move south, it was the winter capital of Panchal, a palace built more for leisure than work. Yudhamanyu and Uttamaujas had painstakingly made it a place worthy of ruling a kingdom from, while Satyajit ruled the kingdom and Shikhandi- Shikhandi was still reeling from the defeat. They don’t come out of the forest the way they went in, instead, coming out at a plateau at the northwestern edge of the city. A ramshackle bridge that clearly hasn’t been used in years is suspended across the valley, and on the other end of it, they see a bright flash of  the signature orangey red that Agnijaa wears. She’s waving excitedly, and all they can do is look down at the gorge between them. Gingerly, carefully, Shikhandi leads them across, their hand on his arm, still not recovered from the shock of being actually acknowledged by the others. They’re barely on solid ground when the orangey red blur hugs them tight. 

“I was worried sick!” she wails, tears in her eyes. “If anything is bothering you, tell me, please! I promise I will try to understand! Don’t go away like this!”

With dirt in their nails, they place a hand on her cheek for a moment before nodding. It was okay if they lied to others, right? They lied to themself all the time. 

Their brothers are kinder to them, after that. Shikhandi trains with them, sometimes nagging, sometimes ruthless, sometimes easily bent, but always punctual. He checks whether they have slept in an actual bedroom rather than the bench on the armoury. He pays attention to every clench of their jaw, to every curl of their fist. And asks questions. Sometimes they serve to irk, sometimes to soothe. Soon, they pick up what he’s putting down and begin doing the same for him. It’s fun to get under his skin. Except for topics they know not to touch. 

Satyajit is more patient, now, teaching them everything he knows. Telling them stories, telling them about the family. It is at that moment they realise that Kampilya is only a capital for the others, but for them? It is the only home they have known. They decide to make the big empty house into a home. Maybe their brothers will be happy. 

They do not know if they are a man, but they’ll always be a brother. 

Out of all of them, Draupadi is the first to get married. Shikhandi  places a gentle hand on their shoulder and tells them that that feeling in their chest is called sadness. It’s okay, their twin, half of their soul is going away. It is natural that they would feel sad, he says. Can weapons feel sad, they wonder. ‘No, but twins can. Brothers can.’ another part answers. In the silence of the night, they weep. When they forget to breathe a few days later, they actually feel out of breath. 

The next to get married is Shikhandi, with an epic love story. A warrior princess, a murder attempt, almost a war- Father trusts them to make decisions on the matter. Shikhandi trusts them to make decisions that make sure everyone escapes with minimal damage. So they place the princess under house arrest, and stand guard day and night. 

And then it’s their own turn, with no flashy alliances, no grand love stories, just a nobleman’s daughter and twins on the way. 

“I do not think I can give you love,” they say. 

“Being Yuvarajni is enough, I think,” She smiles. “Power can compensate for many things,” she says. 

Krishna. They sigh every time the name is mentioned. He is annoying, he drapes himself across the sofa, they cannot find words to describe him, and he trash talks them, and they give as good as they get. He teases them, attempts to make them ‘lighten up,’ attempts to get under their skin. The tricks do not work on them, for they have already been annoyed in all the ways possible by a variety of brothers. What’s one more? What really gets under their skin, though, is the fact that he can read Agnijaa like they can’t. They know there is no one else to blame for the ever-growing chasm between them, and they have resigned themself to it. It’s like everything else, it has to be thought about in parts. A part of them is happy she has someone. She deserves it. She deserves the world. Another part of them, a much deeper, much more hidden one, is bitter that they couldn’t be that person, and they know there is no one else to blame but themself. 

Years pass, the children grow up. She is Samrajni, and they are just the crown prince. It makes them smile. Sometimes, they almost believe they fit into their role. Every day brings a new surprise, what with father giving the three of them more and more responsibilities. Panchal expands south, with Jarasandha gone. They find a friend in their brother-in-law, and a sister in Shikhandi’s wife Shalaka. They can almost forget why they were born. They can almost forget why Kampilya is the only home they have ever known, and the rest yearn for the old capital. They can almost forget. Like a prisoner in a cell that is way too small, stretching their hand toward a skylight too high up on the ceiling, they can dream of happiness. A weapon is burnt and shaped and sharpened and polished when it grows dull. How could they forget who they were, they ask themself. Destiny pushed the sword into the furnace, and then it was never the same again.  

Oh, but they forgot, they are a weapon, they ruin everything they touch.

The news from Hastinapur is horrific. And to their dying day, they will keep it a secret that they have felt everything she did. The twins of Drupad’s family had a special connection. Emotions experienced by one twin were felt by the other, and, in some extreme cases, manifested physically. Burning with fever, they lie in bed, waiting for news. When the hot waves of fever wracking their body recede, they wrap themself up, and head to the bathroom. The water would be scalding to anyone else, but the steam and temperature welcome them with open arms as they step into the bathtub, clothes still on. They lean against the back of the tub, arms snaking around the sides to hold them. Sitting in the hot water, they finally feel like they can breathe. The first breath is shaky. It’s all salty cheeks and quivering lips, and they want to get rid of the tear tracks. They hold water in their cupped hands, splash it onto their face, and scrub it with their hands until the layer of grime has finally passed and the throbbing in their forehead has numbed. The tears that come then aren’t loud sobs or quiet sniffles. They just are. They flow from their eyes until they lose track of time and stop only when they realise they need to breathe. They sit there, unblinking, zoning in and out. They do not have it in them to be anxious. 

They think they have failed, and maybe they have. Agnijaa does not look them in the eye at first when they go to visit her with father. They grit their teeth, make oaths to decimate all who hurt her, and with dirt in her nails, she places a hand on their cheek and gently shakes her head. They turn her head this way and that, inspect the now-bandaged injuries. They are, again, and again, and again, reminded of the extremely frustrating fact that weapons don’t feel, but brothers do, and those two aspects of their person are always in conflict, will always be, and- and it is becoming harder and harder to survive without breathing, these days. They still keep forgetting, though. One day, they hope they can be human enough. 

They play with their children, train them. Drishtaketu looks exactly like them, and his fraternal twin Dhoomaketu takes after Shashikala. They are the strong hand on Prativindhya’s shoulder, pushing him out of the darkness that clouds his life, they are the voice that reminds him, “You are not your father.” They are the shoulders Sutasoma leans on as he regains his strength after his illness. They are the shoulders Shrutakarma rides on, and the armoured chest Shatanik practises sword strokes on. They are the chest Shrutasen runs into when he sees them after a long, long spy mission. Maybe weapons don’t love, but fathers and uncles certainly do. So they love the children. 

Oh, but they forgot, they are a weapon, they ruin everything they touch.

Soon enough, the conches and war drums sound. Their hackles are raised back up, and their back straightens as they are made the commander-in-chief of the Pandava forces. They are not fighting for him, they are fighting for her. They have nothing to lose. Except their brothers, and their father, and their sons, and- Those thoughts are pushed away as they become weapon again. Pure weapon. But it all comes to a head, one day, when Krishna says something they cannot abide by. They have to remind him that they are the commander, not him. They walk out of the meeting, they refuse to go out on the battlefield.  They do not know who it is that cries “Attack!” on the fifteenth day. It is a man in their armour. His voice matches theirs. Drishtaketu.  That is the first and last time they feel fear. A messenger tells them that their son has been skewered like a piece of meat. 

“Who did it?”  They ask. 

“Commander Drona,” The messenger says. 

And the noise in their head recedes as they ride out to battle. It seems that they cannot, after all, fight their destiny. That man has killed their son. He has to die. When they reach, though, Father is locked in a battle with him. They know how this will end. It ends with a poisoned arrow in his king’s chest. The weapon is now guided by a ghost. Drona rides ahead, decimating the army. Cutting down their other son who stands in his way. The panchal troops are on the frontline today, and the emperor has to be protected. 

Divyaketu.

Kshatranjaya.

Drishtaketu. 

Drupada.

And the weapon remembers. Dhṛṣṭadyumna couldn’t believe that father was having children at the same time as them. Kumara and Panchalya had always been more his sons than brothers. The Emperor’s guards are dead. 

Kumara. 

Panchalya. 

Shatrunjaya.

They are a father. He killed their sons.

They are a child. He killed their father.

They are a big brother. He killed their little brothers. 

He shall not live. 

They nod at Krishna. 

“Ashwatthama is dead!” Bheem roars, as an elephant falls on the ground. The target sits down to meditate, and the weapon stands there, poised. The target takes a deep breath.

Ice fills their veins. 

The beheading is clean.

The beheading of the one who killed their brothers is too pristine, they feel. They should've been crueller, it was in their name.

Shalaka dislodges the sword from their white-knucled grip and sets it aside. She undoes the straps on their armour, and places a ghost of a gentle hand on their head when they confess that yes, they miss Shashikala so very much. Can the weapon finally be human now? They want to say no, but destiny says yes, when, three days later, they're struggling to breathe, begging the assailant to treat them honourably and kill them quickly. 

They’re human now. Humans cannot survive without air.