#chara study.

[mccallsmemaybe]

[poein]

* austin weekes … mannerisms.

[needlcpit]

do u ever think about john reaching for amanda as she dies and how she reaches for him too, right before she collapses? do u ever think about him saying she's the closest he's ever felt to a connection, to being understood?

do u ever think about how, in a twisted way, this was the closest either of them had to the familial bonds they could never have?

he saw himself in her. maybe that's why he kept testing her, pushing her. surely the one who mirrored him the most, believed in his work the most could do this. and amanda had such unrelenting faith in him too, wanted to carry on his legacy. she wanted so badly to make him proud. but eventually she loses that faith, starts to see it from a different lens. and so in the end, she loses what was always going to be a losing game.

do u guys ever think about this? because I do. a lot.

[kuhatoarchive]

tifa is, romantically speaking, emotionally unavailable for a significant portion of her life (teens-early twenties). i’ll elaborate on it below, discussing issues of gender roles, objectification, idealization, and intimacy with it. 

    nibelheim is a place that upholds “old traditions”, and this includes gender roles. there’s the belief that a woman’s happiness depends on the man she will spend her life with, and tifa, as the sole girl of her generation, grows extremely anxious over the notion; if divorce is frowned upon and considered a personal failure, then she ought to choose wisely— which turns into not choosing at all, both in her time at nibelheim and midgar (but we’ll get there in a bit). clearly, this puts a dent on her ability to make sentimental decisions of this nature.

    in small villages, kids have a limited pool of contemporaries to choose from, so it’s almost an unspoken agreement that they should all hang out with each other. tifa plays into this, of course. however, as they all start growing, she starts to notice that she’s not only being approached for being their age, but also for what she could possibly represent: a girlfriend, a wife. tifa is notoriously uninterested in any advances, but, in the spirit of not forsaking the only bonds she has (and can have) in town, she learns to fake obliviousness or gently turn down advances. by this point in time, she becomes familiar with the value and subsequent idealization placed on her. i also think that her own father’s overprotectiveness (out of love, yes, but still a little overwhelming) post thea lockhart’s death informs tifa of the ways men can be kind of... possessive, and she sees that too in other nibelheim marriages. why wouldn’t she be intimidated?

    traces of two pasts* mentions: “[Tifa] disliked whenever [adults] brought up how her body looked so grown. There would be someone who sensed her discomfort or resentment, and would try to change the subject, but then it would turn into whom she should be with and things of that nature.” two things to note here, which are frustrations that will further estrange her from romance: 1) her aversion to her body being a point of conversation, which only worsens as her body matures even further and makes it hard to believe her appearance isn’t solely why she’s pursued (hello objectification); 2) just how sick she grows from romantic relationships being such a focus of conversations her way, which, while not ill-intentioned, still make her feel confined. these conversations’ timing coincide with her self-improving via zangan’s training, when her focus is solely on herself and what she’s good at doing/wants to do in the future.

   so, ironically, the incessant talk about partnership only drives her away further from the idea, and she certainly gets scrutinized for it as she grows older: “tifa is at that age, she’s pretty/kind/polite, she can cook/clean/tend to ppl/etc, why doesn’t she have a partner?” i think these sentiments are especially prevalent when she lives in midgar. it’s worth noting that she only gets the tools to deconstruct the gender roles she was raised with while living in the city (though obviously midgar upholds some of them too, but regardless, the diversity of backgrounds helps to broaden her vision), but, by then, pursuing or even looking for a romantic interest is… not even on her list (what with running 7th heaven and helping AVALANCHE). she most certainly gets a bit of fame from rejecting all advances her way, especially at the bar, but she can’t help it; she’s so used to being idealized that she’s almost convinced her pursuer will change their mind once they know her better and realize she’s not just those good traits— her insecurities, her traumas, her depression, her temper (which is notably less meek and more volatile than people tend to acknowledge lmao, especially as a teen).

    evidently, her teens-early twenties are marked by being pursued the same way one seeks a prize, and in response, she becomes averse to it. this all results in tifa… not experiencing any sort of romantic emotional/physical intimacy when reaching adulthood, and it makes the prospect of doing so all the more intimidating. add to that the dizzying journey she’s thrust into during the main game and, well, there’s no time and nor does she have the headspace to establish a relationship; it can only happen post main game. 

* even if the writing is more remake-oriented, there are some entries in "Traces of Two Pasts: Episode Tifa" that i'm going to reference in my main verse (most worldbuilding-related), since there’s enough wiggle room on the more unexplored parts of tifa’s past in nibelheim (and nibelheim altogether). i’m making a post highlighting these specific points soon enough!

[noniezilla]

< Niyaz & his Bae, this time in digital >

These are some previous researches I've made. Their designs are almost done. I'm currently working on their personnality traits.

[huntvir]

what type of love do you embody ? … love as tenderness.

[ love as gentleness after a lifetime of cruelty ] when ocean vuong said " sometimes being offered tenderness feels like the very proof that you've been ruined " & when pablo neruda said " like a jar you housed the infinite tenderness & the infinite oblivion shattered you like a jar " & when anais mitchell wrote " all i've ever known is how to hold my own, & now i wanna hold you, too. "

[antlermotifs]

"GODHOOD IS JUST LIKE GIRLHOOD: A BEGGING TO BE BELIEVED." // META.

Lottie desperately wanted the things she saw and felt to be real or divine and not just symptoms or bad omens. She never asked for anyone's faith, but now that they are giving it to her, she will do her best to cradle it gently. Lottie, who needed hope just as badly as any of them.

A tragic prophetess, a vessel for godhood in the wilderness, who grew up and had to learn to scrape the blood from the floorboards of her mind. To shed her past like an old skin. But it's not ever really truly shed, is it?

In some ways, she kindles part of it all still, like an old and dying flame. A leader, a savior. (Who still needs hope just as badly as any of them.)

[rabbitbled]

Conversation 16 by The National is very Shauna/Jeff:

I figured out what we're missing / I tell you miserable things after you are asleep

A Little Less Sixteen Candles, a Little More Touch Me by Fall Out Boy is very Shauna/Jackie:

I confess, I messed up, dropping I'm sorry like you're still around + I don't blame you for being being you / but you can't blame me for hating it

[rh4esthetics]

—–anne michaels

[ask-dreemurr-siblings]

Chara are you considered a different species or still human now that you've come back to life ?

I'm still human as ever! Although if I had to be another species, I'd be a Boss monster just like my adopted family.

[bread-that-draws]

Flowey’s so funny and has me so fucked up like he’s a talking flower. He tries to kill you upon your first interaction. He is ten years old. He is damaged beyond repair. He’s a flower named Flowey. He’s become friends with every single character. He’s killed all of them countless times. He knows everything about everyone. He doesn’t care anymore. He takes care of his mom when she can’t take care of herself. He’s killed her before. He doesn’t care if you kill her. He thinks she’s trying to replace him. He just wants to be himself again. He wants to destroy everything. He hates you. You’re the only one who understands him. He wants his best friend back. He’s terrified of them. He believes in kill or be killed because he died by giving mercy to the wrong person. He believes himself to be the wrong person. He doesn’t understand when you show him that kindness he showed others, even when you know he could kill you for it. He’s tried every route. He asks you if you have anything better to do when you try to do the same. He’s a direct reflection of the player. He’s a fucking talking flower named flowey and his only voice line is by Ronald McDonald and his officially licensed plush does a little dance for you

[mccallsmemaybe]

☎ hehe

NAME: 💗BAE💗😘 RINGTONE:  she calls me back - noah kahan PICTURE: 

LAST TEXT RECEIVED:  camping trip? this weekend? we could both use a weekend away after everything. LAST TEXT SENT: you have the best ideas. i'll get the time off right now.

[rookiebe]

a bunch of steppe friends!!

[needlcpit]

Amanda as the loyal stray dog, the one that never truly learned how to stop baring its teeth—that still bites when backed into a corner. Amanda as the dutiful daughter, full of trust and desperate for approval. Amanda as an apostle, a true believer.

Amanda as a tragedy, because what else will you become when you've stripped yourself down to the bone—when you promised to bleed for this.

[kuhatoarchive]

...oof. tifa’s scar and physical rehabilitation. let’s talk about it :)

   veeery very grateful traces of two pasts touches upon this at length because it’s such a landmark in tifa’s life, both emotionally and physically. i’m not a medical expert by any means so i’m glad for it GJGF. i’m taking the specifics of it and the rehabilitation to add to my og verse; note that this post is, again, only limited to the injury and rehabilitation. i’ll make a post about tifa’s life post-discharge from the clinic sometime later so this won’t be too cluttered.

   anyway— the novel describes the scar as running underneath her left collarbone down and across towards the bottom of her right breast, which... means that it’d be quite visible with any cleavage, even if the transplanted issue they used faded into a closer match to her skin. i think her discomfort from showing it would stem from the utterly unpleasant memory rather than any self-consciousness of how it looked aesthetically. it may not look too nasty after it has healed and faded, but it is a lengthy scar on quite a vital body location, so... any stares and questions, even if not outright asked, would give her too much discomfort. this is why i favor the “exotic” (why’d they have to call it that....) dress over the other options— it’s not about modesty, it’s about the scar.  

   below are some excerpts of specifics i’m incorporating:

ON THE INJURY. 

   The injury crushed a piece of [her] sternum, but didn’t puncture any of [her] lungs or internal organs. [They] replaced the missing bone with synthetic grafts, and right now it’s being reinforced with metal wire. This wire will stay on for the rest of [her] life. On the early stages of healing, [her] chest needed to be kept secured in place so she was made to wear a corset which was loosened over time.      The transplanted tissues take about three to four years to assimilate with [her] natural skin. The cause of the pain outside [her] chest is due to this transplant; it’s just like a burn, but it goes away in time. The color should also begin to look more like [her] surrounding skin. 

ON THE REHABILITATION.

   After the major surgeries performed on her and spending a month unconscoius, she has to carry out methods for regaining muscle strength that won’t cause more strain on her injuries. She was to work on grip strength, walking and running ability, and stretching, all for about half a month.

The conditions to discharge her were as follows:

   1. The skin fusion must progress to level 3 or higher.    2. Regain muscle strength to allow for minimal daily activities.    3. Pay for all the medical expenses and hospitalization (LOL...... the amount is not explicitly mentioned but it is described as absurd.)

ON THE RELOCATION.

   “At the first hospital, they finished treatment on your sternum, but your condition remained unstable. The doctor from Corel recommended you to be transferred to either Midgar or Junon because the hospitals there would have the medical equipment ready. They even got approval from Shinra Headquarters’ Science Division, but Master Zangan objected. After some heated discussions, you came [to a sector 8 clinic].”

[noniezilla]

I went to the Musée du Louvre in Paris !

I made some sketches there. It was so much fun to turn around the drama queen statue of the faune ☀️

Again, I had my precious col-erase pencils~