#channel zero season three
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icemankazansky · 8 months ago
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There is nothing you can do about it. It's either part of you, or it's not. And if you can't come to terms with that, it's going to eat you alive.
Channel Zero: Butcher's Block for @pscentral event 27: scenery
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terresdebrume · 3 months ago
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I think I want to point at the elephant in the room today
The problem when we have the ever more frequent conversation of how to keep a fandom alive after the show it's based on stops airing is that we tend talk about it in a way that ignores the very real differences between the juggernauts of old fandoms like Star Trek and newer shows like Dead Boy Detectives, namely:
1. The difference in amount of material
2. The accessibility of said material
Part of the reason why Star Trek or The X-Files still have active fans so long after they aired is because those shows had multiple seasons with an average of 20 episodes each. For the X-Files' 11 seasons that's about 200 episodes each with their own storylines, themes, interesting ideas and frustrating mistakes right there to inspire Fanart, fic, meta, and any number of fanwork. I'm not even going to do the math on Star Trek: this show got about a bazillion shows
Dead Boy Detectives, and a lot of genre shows nowadays have like... Eight episodes. Ten, if we're lucky. Fandoms for procedurals or more broadly appealing shows fare better (Lone Star comes to mind, or sitcoms for example) because networks tend to keep them online longer, but genre series get ever shorter with ever fewer opportunities to really grow an audience... Think of all the shows that got popular on Tumblr in the past few years and tell me how many got a proper season? Shadow and Bones was cancelled. My Lady Jane: one season. Gentleman Jack, two (three?). Good Omens: maybe 3, depending on how the network handle the Gaiman situation. The Umbrella Academy got four seasons. Stranger Things, with 5 seasons and 42 episodes managed to equate roughly 2 seasons of the X-Files (probably not even that if you account for episode length). The Witcher currently has 3 seasons for 24 episodes.
Contrast this to shows like Dead Boy Detectives with, again, eight episodes. Maybe 16 if we get really lucky, but I'm not holding my breath. This is just materially WAY LESS soil for a fandom to grow in. It's not that people aren't motivated, it's that as much as you want to keep it going, there's only so much to say about 8 episodes! George Rexstrew, who plays one of the leads, even recently admitted that he's running out of things to say about his performance, and who can blame him? So after a while, you gotta turn to AU which by definition are always going to be potential hits and misses, since they diverge from what brought people to the show in the first place.
I know we're all real good at spinning yarn but sometimes it gets really hard not to run out of fiber.
As for accessibility: the Big Olds benefitted from two things. One, they were broadcast on much wider-reaching channels, if not from the start, then when they eventually made it on public networks. They had a regular play time, and you could stumble onto them by accident, this getting interested and picking it up. And two: the popular shows had a decent chance of getting tape or DVD sets, which made them easier to own and show to your friends so they could binge the story and join you in the fandom
By comparison, look at the barrier of access for Dead Boy Detectives:
Need to have a Netflix account
Need to see it somewhere in your recommendation (good luck if you come in more than a month after it released)
Need to see people talk about it as they binge (need to be in the right place at the right time, and by that I mean where fandom happens since Netflix has a habit of doing zero advertising for new shows)
Need to keep paying for a Netflix account if you wanna rewatch, or figure out how to do a piracy, which is getting more difficult and riskier every year
Need to be willing to get invested in a forever unfinished story
And when on top of that the writing in the first episode is, let's say it frankly, far from the best, that is a LOT of obstacle to overcome for a pretty small sandbox
So like, yeah, sure, we should be willing to keep making a fandom happen after a show ends, but at some point we can't ignore that the effort it takes to keep fandoms alive is getting way more intense than it used to be
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xxnashiraxx · 3 months ago
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Pairing: Astarion/f!Tav ~ Astarion/f!OC (Ofelia) Word Count: 9,709 Tags/Warnings: 18+ MDNI, Does this Count as Monster Smut?, Oral, PIV Sex, Fingering, Masturbation, Stomach Bulge, Blood Drinking, Very Minor Dubcon (if you squint), Choking Summary: A gifted grimoire from her friends spells trouble when Ofelia accidentally summons an incubus. ~ An Incubus Astarion AU lovingly written and inspired by this artwork by @poofroom featuring my Tav and longfic main character, Ofelia!
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AO3 | Song Reference: Christian Woman by Type O Negative
I'm hoping to complete at least 4 prompts this month, once a week, but my main fic is my upmost priority! Still, I'm really excited to share this one!! @khywren really inspired me with their recent AMAZING writings, please check out their Kinktober 2024 works so far! You won't be disappointed! 🖤
No forgiveness,
For her sins.
Prefers punishment.
Would you suffer eternally?
Or internally?
For her lust,
She’ll burn in hell.
Her soul done medium well.
***
“There, all done!” Ofelia says to herself, dropping the white chalk she’d used to draw the symbol from the spellbook. It’d been a silly present from one of her friends- a gag gift, really. Spirit of the season and all that. What else is she supposed to do on a Friday night after three pina coladas and zero luck?
All her prospects were dull, and all of them had made some kind of backhanded remark about her intelligence or appearance at some point during the conversation that her interest had waned instantly. She’d definitely been to better Halloween parties.
For her own amusement, she sits and holds a candle up, briefly reading over the pages. She’s got the first ingredient, flickering restlessly in her other hand, the food offering to her right (a popcorn ball), something to channel the energy (a crystal that came with the book), and currency of some kind (a few quarters from her laundry fund). The last requirement is her blood.
“Whatever,” She shrugs, setting the candle down on its point in the star before leaning over to grab the pocket knife she’d used to open the package. She’s still tipsy, and explaining away a bandaged hand tomorrow doesn’t seem like that big of an issue to her at the moment.
She carefully presses the blade's tip into the meat of her palm and drags in one clean slice, wincing and holding her hand over the point closest to her. Droplets dot the white chalk with red and she clenches her fingers, waiting until there’s a small puddle, before getting up to grab her first aid kit and wrap the wound. Once reseated, she examines the page, noting something looks off, but neglecting to read further into why the diagrams are different before reciting the words at the bottom of the page.
She holds her breath, eyes scanning the apartment, before settling back on the circle. And… nothing happens.
“Oh!” She gasps when the candle blows out, expecting some kind of grand entrance- maybe a ring of fire! Or a black pit, opening within the symbol! But nothing comes.
She pouts dejectedly and gathers the items up before chucking them all into a box. She glares at the book, clasped between her fingers, and sighs. If anything, she’d hoped for a little excitement from this tonight- but magic isn’t real, and despite her alcohol-addled mind, she was a fool to think she could conjure it.
She gets up and opens her top dresser drawer, tossing the book in without a second thought as she checks the time on her phone- almost one. She walks into the living space, which is technically still part of her bedroom and separated only by a meager curtain. Her TV is off and silent against the wall, and she pulls her hoodie off to toss over the back of her couch.
The cool air flows in from her window AC and blesses the exposed skin around her costume- she’d gone as a devil, the strapless red bodysuit and pink tights still clinging to her. She pulls the headache-inducing horned headband off and sets it next to her sweater, turning and scanning the room for her prize. She smiles when she sees it, fetching the half-empty bottle of Malibu from the counter before downing it until her fingers numb and a delightful buzz thrums in her head. The night had been long, and an untold amount of sticky fluids had gotten on her legs, arms, and torso during the party so a shower before turning in feels like the perfect idea.
She goes into the bedroom to tug the bodice of the costume down until her breasts are free, breathing a sigh of relief when the constricting fabric is finally off. Her tights follow after, leaving her in nothing but her underwear as she moves towards her dresser. Her eyes linger on the book when she opens the drawer to pull out a night dress and she almost closes it before cocking a brow. Her hand hovers over her favorite slip as her eyes fall onto the page she’d been referencing when she drew the circle, but she swears it had been closed when she’d thrown it inside. The scrawl below it almost looks handwritten, not printed, but when Ofelia tries to read it, goosebumps gradually spread over her arms and legs and she scoffs at the words she can decipher.
“What the hell does ‘mind-altering satisfaction’ mean?” She mutters as she closes the book and grabs her dress before shoving the drawer closed again.
She starts the shower before discarding the remaining scrap of cloth into her hamper, leaning against her sink to wipe her makeup off. Tossing the cotton pads into the trash, she jumps under the hot stream, a low hum leaving her lips. It feels amazing as it rushes over her skin and douses her hair. She runs her hands up over her body, jumping when she caresses the sides of her breasts. They’re extra sensitive, and in her tingling, buzzing mind she feels her stomach tighten in response.
She shrugs. No one had been worthy to take home anyway. Might as well make the most of the night.
Her fingers ghost over her nipples and she sinks her teeth into her bottom lip in an effort to stifle the sound that nearly tears out of her throat. Stars dance behind her eyes and she laughs incredulously, wiping the hair plastered to her cheeks away. It’d never felt this intense, and curiosity coaxes her hands lower as she carefully slips a finger between her legs.
“God!” She hisses, catching herself before she falls onto the tiled floor. Her vision nearly whites under the slightest glance against her clit and she heaves for breath, both palms pressing against the wall. She’d only drank her usual cocktails, and had been watching her drink like a hawk all night, so being exposed to something slipped into her glass at the party is out of the question. She shakes her head, cursing as her clit begins to throb steadily against the water streaming down the front of her body. She suppresses another groan, clenching her thighs together as she rinses out the remaining suds from her hair.
The need humming through her veins is almost blinding, and with shaking hands she pushes her hair back before leaning against the wall. She won’t fall this time… won’t fall…
She cries out as she runs her middle finger along her slit, teeth sinking into the soft skin of her forearm. Her entire body shakes from the pleasure of it, so intense that it weakens her knees and she almost buckles to the floor again. She bites harder to center herself, afraid of the bruise that will surely stand out in the morning, but she’ll manage.
She dips between her folds, the slick beneath so copious she can feel it through the stream from the showerhead. She moans and cautiously presses a finger inside, slowly, but no matter how careful she could have been, it doesn’t stop the sharp coil in her gut and the shockwave of ecstasy that flashes from the roots of her hair down to the tips of her toes.
She mewls like an untouched virgin, mind hazy with want. This… this is unlike anything she’s ever felt- not like she’s had much experience in that department- but every nerve feels like it’s on fire. The shower turns to ice and she has to step out, body quivering and skin clammy despite the temperature of the water.
She grabs the towel, whining as the fabric rubs against the sensitive flesh on her breasts before slipping her nightgown over her head. The thin black satin and lace clings to her and she stares at the mess in the mirror as she dries her hair, eyes catching on the stiff peaks on her chest straining against the fabric. They trail up over her arms and her shoulders before stopping and freezing.
“What the hell…?” She whispers, dropping the towel to press up against the sink again, trying to ignore the little shivers of pleasure when her nipples rub against the chilled granite. Her fingers seek the strange marks that circle her neck almost like a tattoo, the dashes and squiggles familiar, almost…
There’s no way. There’s no way.
Ofelia doesn’t stop to pick her towel up off the floor, sweat making her damp hair stick to her face and neck as it breaks out over her entire body. She opens the drawer once more to the book open, not closed as she’d left it. She swears and pulls it out, setting it on top as she looks at the scrawl over the page opposite to the sigil. It’s indecipherable, in some kind of language or symbols she can’t read, but it matches the marks on her skin perfectly. Whatever they are, they’re definitely a result of the ritual, and Ofelia sinks into a sitting position on her mattress as regret fills her mind.
I shouldn’t have done that. God, I’m so stupid. Mama warned me never to mess with this stuff. Ofelia chews on her cuticles, nervous energy humming alongside the desire burning in her body. Every sense of hers is attuned to the way the slip touches her skin, how her clit throbs for attention, how she clenches around nothing, aching to fill the void.
It isn’t natural, and that fact scares her more than she’d like to admit. She pushes the craving to touch out of her mind, grabbing a fresh pair of underwear before crawling beneath her duvet. It’s hot, so hot… her skin feels like lava- her heart beat skyrocketing. Maybe she’s going to die?
“Oh god, I’m so stupid. So stupid!” She sobs, shoving her face into the pillow as she lays on her stomach. The pressure makes her roll her hips before she can stop herself and she whimpers, biting the silk pillowcase to redirect her frustration. Maybe she should give in and see if that’ll end this torment, but the unease of the situation needles at her mind... She rolls over and tugs the blanket around her chin, twisting her hips and drumming her fingers over her stomach. The length of the day settles over her shoulders and it weighs her down despite the sweat on her skin and the ache between her legs. She tries not to picture the relief she’d feel if her legs were spread instead, slip tugged over her chest, underwear discarded. She groans and shuts her eyes, somehow drifting off to sleep.
She dreams in scattered images, flashing across her vision like a picture show. Hot, begging, on her knees. A man with strong hands and sharp teeth touches her heated skin, peels her dress off, mouths at her breasts… her haggard breathing is audible in the room, echoing off the walls, her hips rolling into his touch, her mouth closing around-
Her eyes fly open, the curtains in front of her window fluttering in the breeze as the clock registers that it’s only one thirty. It takes a moment to adjust to the darkness, and she vaguely recalls not leaving it open… The covers fall off her chest when she sits up, soft moonlight pouring in to paint her body a cool blue. The slip rides up her hips, breasts spilling out the sides, and something moves out of the corner of her vision that sparks gooseflesh to spread over her bare thighs and arms.
The curtain flutters away, revealing the silhouette of a man. Except it isn’t a man… As the light illuminates the hard cut of his torso, bat-like wings stretch and unfurl on either side of him, wicked horns curling up and over his silver hair. Red irises glow in the night, trained on her face, a tail swishing behind him. She doesn’t breathe, doesn’t move- her heart pounds, but her body reacts in a way she hadn’t expected. Her skin breaks out in the same feverish sweat that she’d felt before crawling into bed, her stomach aching and her breathing coming in short pants. She chances a glance in the full length mirror across the room, her cheeks flushing red at the uselessness of her night dress. The marks that had started at her neck circle her wrists and close around her thighs like bands.
“Am I dreaming?” She asks softly, unable to resist the pull she feels towards him. He takes a step and she tenses, eyes admiring his broad shoulders, ornamental silver bracers covering each forearm. Most of his body is bare, save for the thin piece of satiny fabric and gilded chains covering his hips. Her eyes trace the trail of hair that disappears beneath, down until her breath chokes out of her. Her thighs press together at the hard outline beneath the loincloth, her imagination filling in the gaps- thick, straining, throbbing. Her mouth floods with saliva and she swallows thickly as the steady pulse from earlier begs for attention, shame dissolving as his crimson gaze flows down over her exposed breasts. The sudden urge to touch him fills her mind until it’s all she can think about, even as he opens his mouth to expose sharp canines.
“I’m afraid not.” His voice, smooth and velvety, covers her body like honey. She shivers as he takes another step, so close now that she can see the sharp tips of his ears beneath his hair. His lips curl into a fiendish grin and she shakes her head, wanting him closer, god, she can’t take the distance anymore. Some fire’s possessing her and she feels herself clench again, the sudden instinct to grind against the mattress and relieve the tension leaving her dazed. Her mind roars, wanting more than anything she’s ever wanted before to have him touch her. It drowns rational thoughts, save for a single line of curiosity.
“What are you?” She can’t help but ask, though her eyes can’t be deceiving her. He appraises her with a considering gleam, his wings folding back and out of the way. The horns have to be enough- the devilish tail. His soft laugh covers her body in a fresh wave of heat and she closes her eyes.
“You summoned me, shouldn’t you know?” She opens her eyes and he’s hovering right across from her at the end of the bed. Eye level with his stomach, she bites back the whimper of need that tries to push past her clenched teeth at the sight of him, his little strip of fabric doing nothing but veiling the color of his skin. She feels a gush of wetness between her legs as she clenches and strains to stay still, huffing her breath out.
“Didn’t think it would work. Are you the one that’s doing this to me?” She mutters, too late to cover her breasts but she does it anyway- anything to remain in the illusion of control. The sharp tick of his smile tells her he isn’t buying it, and she widens her eyes in surprise when his wings disappear. He drops his knees onto the mattress and she yelps when it dips.
Fuck… he’s real.
“What did you think would happen when you opened a black grimoire and chose a spell? That an imp would pop up and throw money at you?” She bites her lip, watching his long black fingernails clench the duvet and pull it farther down the bed.
“Well…” His eyes flash with annoyance.
“All you humans are the same- power, money, fame, wealth. Make a mistake? Wrong page?” She bristles at his sudden chiding, cursing her friends for giving her the damn thing. She’s going to throttle them tomorrow.
“So what? Can’t you just go back to where you came from?” She sucks in a breath when he draws closer, hands planting themselves on either side of her ankles. She watches him carefully, the way the light shines through the thin fabric of his loincloth to show her the heavy shadow of his cock beneath, and she bites the inside of her cheek when her clit throbs at the sight.
“I’m contracted, stupid mortal. Your blood has bound me to this plane. I can't just go back.” He sneers and she squirms as he crawls forward again, his head hovering over her hips. Her mind imagines filthy things with him so close, her body betraying her as her thighs untense and spread softly- barely a few inches- but it’s enough. She watches his gaze drop to the arms covering her chest, then lower, and she snaps her legs back together.
“Um… sorry. What contract? What does it entail?” He looks back up at her, lips pressed into a firm line of disappointment and she glares back.
“You didn’t read the fine print?”
“What fine fucking print? I can’t read half the words on those pages!” She cries out indignantly, not realizing her frustrated gesturing has left her chest exposed again. He surges forward quicker than she can react and with the sharp edges of his nails, he rips the straps off her dress, causing her breasts to fall free properly. She yelps, instinctively trying to cover up again but he snaps his fingers and the script on her wrists glows, making her palms flatten against the bed.
“I’ll let you guess the terms,” He murmurs, sitting back on his heels. She squirms, trying to free her arms, and when he snaps his fingers again she can lift them.
“What- what was that?” She whispers, fear clouding her voice. He smirks, his hands resting on his thighs, and gestures towards the dresser.
“Says it in the fine print.”
“Please?” She whimpers, hugging her torso tightly. She’s afraid- afraid of the patterns on her thighs, on her wrists, on her neck. She stares at them warily, the terror that had been muted by her lust now stretching into every part of her body. What’s going on? What is he? What’s going to happen to me?
“Tssk,” He settles back fully, legs crossing on her mattress. Her eyes move over his face again, catching on his pretty red eyes, his full lips. The slope of his nose is beautiful- strong and sharp. She traces his features, finding her heartbeat slowing slightly the longer she takes him in. His lips part, revealing those sharp fangs on both the top and bottom row of his teeth, and she idly wonders what they’d feel like on her neck, on her skin… “Darling… I can’t have you afraid of me. That’s not how this night is going to go.” His soft voice makes her shiver and she’s lulled by the sound of it. She raises her head slightly, gaze growing heavier the longer he stares at her.
“How this night is going to go…?” She echoes, slow, the end shaped like a question. His tail swishes back and forth before the spade tip caresses up her calf. With him finally touching her, she gasps, the softest glance magnified like it was earlier. She shudders, pressing her thighs more tightly together, shaking her head, but her body eventually wins out.
“The terms, dear…” He murmurs, leaning forward again. Her skin is feverish when his tail draws away and he crawls over her again. She shrinks back, lying against her pillows, his thighs caging her in as his hands settle on either side of her head.
“Uh…” She stammers, trying to get a coherent thought through. He’s so close she can see small flecks of gold in his eyes and the soft ridges on his horns. She finds herself wanting to caress them, the thought causing her cheeks to burn. “Terms… right. The spell is making me… making my body act like this?” She whispers cautiously and he nods, encouraging her to continue. “It made these… weird tattoos show up on my skin… and you can control them?” He nods again, eyes twinkling in amusement. Her nostrils flare in irritation, but she keeps going, realization finally dawning as she approaches the conclusion.
“I… this lust… oh my god…” He tuts, smirking with satisfaction.
“You finally understand?” The growl in his voice makes her eyes flutter shut. With the answer flaring brightly behind her lids, her body opens up in a way it hadn’t before. Her thighs spread until they’re pushing against his knees, her breath leaving her in a rush. She clenches around nothing, thinking about the shape of him under the loincloth and when her eyes snap open again he laughs, deep and sugared.
“You want my body?” She asks breathlessly, the slip hanging over her stomach becoming itchy and unbearable. His lashes fall halfway and when his forked tongue darts across his lower lip she whimpers in response.
“Usually you call an incubus because you need relief, but… your scent is maddening and I've barely even touched you…” He purrs, lips dropping down to her jaw. She moans at the slightest touch, her cunt clenching again followed by a rush of wetness dripping down her folds. Her underwear are long since ruined, and she slowly moves her hands up, hesitating over him.
“Can I… touch you?” She gasps, the last threads of restraint slowly snapping. He pulls away, hungry eyes raking over her face and neck and down to her breasts. She tugs her lower lip into her mouth, watching him nod, before caressing the planes of his chest.
His skin is so hot… a lovely shade of light rose. Her fingers ghost over his collarbones before pressing up, up, to the sides of his face. His crimson gaze flicks back up to meet hers and she teeters over the edge, debating, before he makes the decision for her and leans down to capture her lips.
Wet and messy, their tongues tangle and she whimpers into his mouth, hands carding through his hair. He tastes divine… or wicked, she isn’t sure which. His kiss is hot, lips soft and she moans against his tongue when his teeth catch on her lip to lightly nip at it. It’s all her favorite flavors at once and she can’t keep her hips on the bed, wanting to pull him in closer, wanting to feel the hard edge of his cock-
“Nnng!” She gasps when he nudges his shaft against her stomach, the weight of it making her dizzy. Her clit pulses and blood pounds through her, vocalizing the wave of desire in breathy pants against his mouth. He doesn’t stay quiet either- the sounds and groans he makes turning her insides to liquid as she rocks against him, hands clawing at his back. His anchor on her dress and a loud tear sounds through the room as he rips it free.
“Hey! That was my favorite!” She protests, but he’s sinking his knees between her thighs and tossing the scraps away, revealing her naked torso to him. The anger dies as she watches him draw back, and can almost feel the burning of his gaze over her body. She squirms again, clamping her legs around his, wanting to hide from the attention but it’s all in vain. All for show. She couldn’t deny him now even if she wanted to.
“Darling, don’t lie. You’re just as impatient as I am,” His voice is deep, sitting in the back of his throat. She inhales sharply, watching him lower himself to press his nose into the hollow of her neck. His cock settles over her heat, separated by two layers of fabric, and before she can grind into it his hands are on her hips, forcing them still.
“God…” She whispers, the steady throb against her aching bud making her jaw go slack. He laps at the skin of her neck, making her legs twitch, before his sharp upper canines sink in. If she’d been delirious before… she’s absolutely lost now.
She cries out, heart pounding as he slowly drags his heavy length over her soaked underwear. His loincloth is covering the image from sight as she angels her jaw down, delighting in every bite he peppers over her neck and shoulder. She drags her fingers over his horns and he groans, hips stuttering, the sound needy and desperate. She continues caressing as his tail flicks in the air, pleased and tenderly mouthing at the aching wounds he’s left on her. They sting, but there’s something new in the mix- churning around her gut and making her mouth spill constant sighs and pants as her vision goes hazy and pink.
“W-what do I call you?” She asks, taking in his messy curls and kiss-swollen mouth. Blood stains his lips and a curl of want pulses south at the sight, wanting him to push her panties to the side and rub directly against her, the pressure so distracting she almost rolls her hips automatically, chasing the feeling of him.
He cocks a brow, inhaling deeply before a delicate smile crosses his face. His tail winds around her leg and she laughs in spite of herself, enjoying the way the tip rubs soft circles into the inside of her thigh.
“Astarion,” He murmurs, and she lowers her hands from his horns, eyes darting to his groin.
“Astarion…” She rolls his name around on her tongue, the subtle shiver that shifts through him not going unnoticed. “Mine’s Ofelia,” She mumbles and he strokes her cheek.
“Ofelia,” She preens at how he says it, a flush spreading over her cheeks in response. Her fingers push into the cloth at his hips, a silent question hanging in the air as she gently tugs on it. He nods and she fiddles with the clasp at the side of his hip before it falls and flutters away, leaving him exposed.
She isn’t sure if it’s the side effects of the spell or simply her own desire, but nothing could have prepared her for the sight of him.
“Oh.” Is all she says, like an idiot. Her eyes admire the girth- thick veins spreading over the shaft. He’s nearly purple at the tip, leaking onto her underwear, and she shifts restlessly at the sight as her mouth floods with saliva and her clit aches as he nudges against it.
“I see I’m going to have to do all the sweet-talking, pet.” She shudders as his hands brush along her trembling stomach muscles, down to her thighs, before guiding her underwear down and off. They run back up the length of her torso, softly squeezing and kneading at the soft flesh of her breasts as his lips catch on one of her nipples. She whimpers at the sensations building inside, chasing his touches with her fingers, craving more contact with an almost crazed fervor. She’s still hypnotized by the length of him as he gently rubs his cock between her puffy folds and she swallows, strangled moans caught in her throat. The hard ridge along his tip drags over her swollen clit and in addition to the lightning bolt of pleasure that coaxes more juices to spill from her, the urge to taste him is so intense that it feels like it’s written on her bones.
“I… I want you here.” She mumbles, fingers tracing her face, and he laughs.
“You want to see… if you can take me… in your pretty mouth…?” He whispers, thumb brushing over her lower lip. She nods desperately, parting them to suck him in as her body trembles in anticipation. His jaw tightens as he watches, her tongue swirling around his warm skin, fierce with desire. She hums when his cock twitches, softly bumping her stomach when he moves as a quiet sound vibrates in his chest. He watches her a moment more, eyes burning, before he shifts to the side and drags her off the bed, onto the floor.
She sits obediently on her knees, closing her eyes as his fingers thread into her hair. His touch is soft, and her face warms as she realizes what he’s doing, but embarrassment has long since receded into the recesses of her mind. He gathers the strands at the back of her head before tugging gently- just the way she likes. She sighs, opening her eyes to shamelessly stare at him, yearning to lick the pearl of glistening pre-cum off his flushed tip. She flicks her eyes up to his and the desire she sees there lights a fire in her belly that spurs her forward, hands resting over his hips as she sets her sights and dives in.
Astarion hisses when she kisses the base of him, bathing him in her attention and affectionate nips. Her thighs shiver as she continues her trail of teasing, his grip on her scalp growing tighter. She flashes him a soft smile before kissing down the weighty length of him, lips parting when she pulls away to watch him leak a silvery strand down to her breasts. She swallows a breathy whine before eagerly lapping it up, her ears ringing from the sharp inhale and throaty groan he gives her when she finally sucks the tip inside.
He fills her entire mouth before she can draw him in further and her cunt clenches with jealousy imagining him pushing inside, on her back, a bruising grip on her hips… Her fantasies play behind her closed lids as she hollows her cheeks and relaxes her jaw to swallow more, moaning lightly as he nudges the back of her throat.
Tears form in her eyes as she blinks up at him, her hips restless as he tugs on her hair and pulls out of her mouth before slowly thrusting inside. The fingers of her free hand trail down her body, pinching at the pebbled flesh on her breasts before dipping lower to alleviate some of the tension winding around her belly. She spreads the slick gathering at her entrance, circling her aching clit, and her eyes squint shut, sobbing at the spark of pleasure that flashes up her body, his cock twitching in her mouth.
“Hells…” He whispers, her mind slowly melting the longer he fucks her mouth. Her entire body aches for him, for this pleasure- she squirms and whimpers, letting him set the pace as she rocks against her hand. He’s considerate of her adjustment period until a glimmering sweat breaks out on his chest and her eyes track a drop as it follows the curve of his pelvic bone. When it meets his shaft a switch flips and she abandons all rational thought for the need to please.
She struggles to take him fully, but every time he needly ruts into her and her lips meet his hips he grunts- a gravelly, greedy thing that stokes the heat in her belly until she’s whimpering and shivering for more. He’s making a mess out of her, and she increases the pace, removing her hand from its previous position to pull his hips in each time they snap forward hungrily. He smears spit and slick over her chin each time he slips out until it's dripping over her breasts and fingers, her thumbs swirl the fluid over the stiff peaks of her nipples as waves of pleasure rumble through her- just as strong as it had been in the shower, perhaps even more.
They lock eyes as he angles her chin to take more of him, electricity shooting through her as her tongue swirls around before lingering on the sensitive underside of his head. He yanks her hair and hisses, in one fluid motion pistoning inside and she moans on his cock. Her mind is blissfully blank as he pins her against the side of the bed, reveling in the way he twitches and cups her cheek as he drives in and out, in and out at a languid pace. The blunt head of his cock kisses the back of her throat again, his stomach muscles tightening, and her fingers brush over the seam of his balls until his hips stutter and a raspy moan pours from his mouth. She holds his gaze, taking him impossibly deeper, and she whines in disapproval when he slips out with a lewd pop.
“Can’t have you driving the whole time, darling,” He murmurs, and she gasps when he leans down to meld their lips together in a bruising kiss. The enthusiasm behind his touches makes her hum happily and he places a hand over her throat before squeezing and forcing her to stand. His tight grip makes her dizzy and she sways on her feet, mind blank, as he chuckles and presses them tightly together.
“Like that, do you?” He murmurs in her ear and she nods, wrapping her arms around his waist as his sharp canines brush against her skin.
“Do you… drink the blood?” She whispers, brief flashes of curiosity drifting through her lust-clouded mind.
“Hmm?” She draws back so their lips brush, the striking scarlet of his eyes inquisitive and rapt.
“You had blood on your lips earlier, when you bit me…” She whispers, watching his face shift in recognition.
“Ahh… that.” He grins, a fang peeking out from under his top lip and it’s the cutest thing she’s ever seen. “It’s common for us to partake- the magic in your blood increases your sense of touch and your blood in turn does for us as well. It’s why you needed to sacrifice it for the spell.” His smile twists into something sinful, her legs pressing together. “Somehow, I hardly need the encouragement...” He whispers as his hands softly squeeze her ass. She smiles in reply, eyes lingering on his teeth and she hesitantly presses a kiss to his jaw. More follow, light and sweet as his grip fluctuates from gentle to rough when her lips brush over his neck.
“Can I…?” She asks and he nods at her testing teeth before she sinks her own into his skin. He sighs into her ear, his hands caressing her back as his sharp nails lightly scratch over her skin. She whimpers into the marks she leaves him with, nipping up to his earlobe before teasing the skin between her teeth. He stills and groans, grinding his stiff length against her hip and she licks up to the pointed tip before sucking it lightly into her mouth.
“Ofelia…” Her name rumbling in his chest makes her dizzy and she moves her left hand up to tickle the other ear until he’s driving them forward. The back of her knees connect with the mattress and she yelps, falling flat on her back as he stands between her parted thighs. His eyes are dark- the red eclipsed by his blown wide pupils, and her body shivers in fear. She feels hunted, prey beneath a ravenous lion, and the feeling twists her insides as he drops to a crouch and lifts her legs until they’re resting over his shoulders. She almost moans at the sight…
“I can’t leave until you’re satisfied…” He murmurs, nipping at the sensitive flesh of her inner thigh. His fangs graze the skin before he sinks them in and that rosy haze covers her vision again, her mind numb to the rest of the world as she focuses on what his mouth is doing. He’d been right about whatever’s in his saliva or bite as electricity tingles beneath her skin, every one of his touches sending sparks down the length of her body.
“God… I don’t know if I’ll ever get enough of this.” She mumbles, forehead creasing in an effort to concentrate on him. He chuckles darkly, his burning gaze intertwined with hers and as she watches her blood drip from the corner of his lips her body twitches in response. It’s the most erotic thing she’s ever seen, almost hotter than when she’d peeled off the cloth, and she whines under his smug smile.
“Don’t go saying that now…” He whispers as he presses soft kisses up, closer to where she needs him most. “Or I’ll be tempted to show you which page the binding spell is on.” She gasps, not having time to process his words as his tongue darts out to swipe up the seam of her before languidly running back down. Her vision whites, a high-pitched cry tearing from her throat as he circles her clit. The fork in his tongue adds an extra sensation that makes fireworks explode behind her eyes, her hips lifting off the bed as he lightly flicks and dips it lower, embarrassing noises spilling from her lips as she drags her fingers through his hair.
When he circles her entrance, lapping at the slick that’s been dripping down her thighs, she throws her head back and begs, pleading on deaf ears for him to plunge in, his nose pressing into the aching swell of her and it’s just the right amount of pressure-
“Fuck!” She sobs, back arching off the bed as his long fingers push inside in place of his tongue. He licks softly at her clit, pushing the hood back gently and when he sucks she nearly blacks out. His fingers are thick, so warm… he starts with two, working her open, curling in until he nudges the place inside she’s lucky to reach on a good day. It makes her entire body convulse as she clamps her thighs around him, fingers twisting in the sheets as his name tumbles from her lips over and over again like a prayer.
“Another, sweet girl?” The lilt to his voice is so innocent, but the words are pure sin and a shiver runs from the base of her skull to the tip of her spine in response, her babbling incoherent. Instead, she nods, trying to keep her eyes open, focusing on the little vent on her ceiling, anything- god he’s too good…
When he adds another digit she almost comes undone, but he shushes her with a kiss on the inside of her thigh, halting his movements. She’s allowed a few seconds to breathe, gasping for air, propping herself up on her elbows to look at him. His hair is falling from its perfect swoop atop his head, dusting his eyes. He’s so handsome she almost can’t believe this is real, so focused on how hot he looks eating her out that she doesn’t see his arm coiling before he sets the pace again.
Her eyes fly shut and her head falls back, wanton cries filling the air- so loud she’s certain there will be a noise complaint in her mailbox in the morning.
His thumb strokes over her swollen nub as he pushes inside and she’s gone.
Her ankles lock around his head, pulling him deeper as she comes on his tongue and his name leaves her lips over and over, chest heaving as tears pool and spill out of the corners of her eyes. Her hips leave the mattress, her mind unaware how, hands anchored to his horns to keep him there all while his tongue massages her inner walls and draws her pleasure out with every stroke. It’s never been like this- completely blank, delirious, incoherent. It feels like someone’s holding her over a flame and she’s burning, burning, stroking her fingers over the ridges of his horns as he shivers and runs his tongue up over her sensitive clit, making her wail at the overstimulation. Her hips finally meet the mattress again as she dissolves over the messy blanket, realizing his nails had pressed stinging cuts to her buttocks as he’d dragged her over the edge.
“Satisfied?” He whispers, his face hovering over hers. She hadn’t noticed he’d shifted and her hands had fallen, her stare empty and tracking dust motes floating through the beams of moonlight. She focuses on his pretty lips, glistening from his previous ministrations, and she reaches up to pull him into a deep kiss as he stumbles and falls over her, his chuckle stroking some deeply seated, violent thing inside her. He tastes like her, the two of them mixed and she’s tingling from head to toe, so consumed by touching every part of him as her hands explore and roam. They find his neglected length and she softly strokes him with one as the other rests over the nape of his neck to continue sliding their lips together.
“Not yet…” She finally answers him after pulling away to gasp for air, voice ragged. She smiles sweetly, lashes dipped low, wanting him closer. Something about him just burrows inside, familiar and calming. She hadn’t noticed it before, too buried beneath the overpowering magic thrumming through her veins. She’s glad that he’s the one that showed up.
She nuzzles her nose into his hair, the faintest hint of brimstone and ash dusting his white locks. He stutters out a low, breathy moan as she continues to slowly stroke him and in her trance she pulls back to bare her throat for him. She quickens her pace as his teeth sink in once more, drawing filthy moans from her lips as heat coils in her belly. It’s addicting, the pain and pleasure of his sharp teeth. She offers up more of herself to him and her hips snap up into his when his mouth closes around one nipple to puncture the sensitive skin before greedily suckling on it.
“Nnng… ‘starion…” She mumbles, a strangled cry leaving her lips as she spreads the pre-cum weeping from his cock down his shaft, his mouth going rough as he groans in reply. “Need you…” She murmurs and he sucks harder before leaving bleeding crescents over her other breast.
“You taste so good…” He whispers, the soft snap of his fingers wrenching her hands from her control as they come up, above her head, wrists glowing as if he’s holding them himself. The loss of control is staggering, but as he rises, eyes glowing, blood coating his lips, she feels a fierce craving spread low in her body before she’s aching for him and his tongue and fingers won’t suffice this time. She wants the real thing.
“Please…” She whines, straining against her invisible bonds as he presses himself against her slit to coat himself in the wetness there. Slippery, obscene sounds fill the room and the way he slides and catches on her entrance before gliding over her throbbing clit coax her heart to pound harder, a shock sparking between her legs at his low lurching moan.
“Please-!” She repeats, thrashing as he continues, every touch and throb of his cock pure torture. His claws dig into her hips, her mouth spilling every curse and prayer she knows as he prods at her entrance.
“My turn,” He growls, stilling her rocking hips. Her eyes slam closed as she shudders around him, the pain a dull echo as he gradually sinks into her waiting heat. He almost doesn’t fit, eyes latched onto the place he’s desperately trying to defile, and she watches him tremble under the effort of restraint when he finally slips inside. He draws a muffled wail from her as he pushes past her entrance, an iron grip holding her in place as she twists her arms above her, panting and clenching around him as she adjusts to the stretch. She finally relaxes as his hands caress her shivering thighs, letting him gently soothe her tense muscles so he can fully sheath within her.
The feeling of fullness is like nothing else- he occupies every inch as his hips finally meet hers and her breath rushes out of her as if he’s taking up every spare bit of room inside her body. He waits, lower lip anchored beneath twin fangs, and she holds him in her blurring gaze. She can’t breathe, chest tight, the soft sounds building in her chest climbing into a litany of pleading and praise.
“So… much… please move,” She gasps as he reaches up to grab her hands and the bonds vanish, guiding them down to the mattress on either side of her head as their fingers intertwine. He’s close, so close she can see every detail on his face, can see the way his brow tenses and sweat gathers over the creasing flesh. Her thighs press against her chest as he folds her legs back, ankles dangling over his shoulders, and she screws her eyes shut as he dips impossibly deeper inside. The whine that slips out of her gritted teeth as he slowly drags out is nothing compared to the sharp, wailing cry when he pistons back into her. It dwarfs any sound she’s ever made; despite the circumstances, her cheeks burn in reply.
“Astarion!” She sobs, holding on to him for dear life. He sets a slow pace at first and she cries with each movement, repeating his name and twisting her head from side to side. He abandons his restraining grip on one of her hands to press one to her throat, stilling her writhing, lips pulled into a fangy grin.
“Eyes on me, pet.” He whispers. She gasps, clenching at the sound of his voice and the tight clutch over her neck. “I’m going to fill you… over… and over… and over…” Her eyes fly shut and she arches into him, mind fogging as he continues to thrust with rough, slow snaps of his hips. “Hells… barely been inside you for a minute… and you’re already brainless.”
“Fuck you,” She gasps when his hand disappears from her neck, a finger pad pressing to her clit to rub soft circles against it.
“That’s the idea,” He chuckles, dropping his lips to kiss her, scattering them over her jaw, neck, and chest. His hot tongue swirls over one nipple, then the other, the pressure building in her lower stomach faster than the first time. Whatever magic flows through her veins, it’s causing her vision to blur, her chest to feel light and her heart to crash against her ribs. Every drag of his cock steals her breath, every whispered word makes her impossibly wetter- afraid to look at the mess in the morning. He squeezes her breasts and her eyes flutter closed, the sensation of stroking on her bundle of nerves making her jump-
“Is that…?” She doesn’t finish, watching his tail flick in the air with a smirk before he descends on her again. “I… I don’t know how much longer-”
“Let go,” He interrupts, tongue flicking over the peaks of her breasts before he locks their gazes once more. She whines, lost in the tide of his thrusts and the way he feels inside her. He so big… so full… she can’t help the way she squeezes and pulls him in each time he pounds back inside, drawing guttural growls from his throat as obscenely wet sounds fill the room. “You’re so good, Ofelia…” He murmurs, fingernails digging into the plump flesh of her thighs as his voice pulls the coil tighter. “Creaming all over my cock.” She bites her lip, his tail rubbing and stroking and pushing her closer and closer and-
“Astarion!” She sobs, every thread unraveling and burning out. There’s an entire night sky sprawled out before her closed eyelids as he fucks her through her climax, every sound he makes sending shockwaves through her after the initial crest and fall. When she finally looks at him, his cheeks are flushed and his eyes are nearly black, his cock twitching inside her.
“So… tight…” He mumbles, hands resting over her hips as his thrusts become more erratic. He’s pulsing, growing hotter, filling her more until she feels like she’s going to shatter around him, dragging against the spot inside her that leaves her breathless and panting for more and she’s afraid it’ll never be enough. He rests a hand over the bulge in her stomach, over the shape of him, and the pressure makes her gush around his twitching cock.
“Please…” She whimpers, vision hazy around the edges. She isn’t sure what she’s begging for, but he seems to understand. He presses a kiss to her lips as her pounding heart fills the silent air, hands coming up to scratch at his back and cry his name, his cock pulsing and-
Hot and powerful, he spills inside her with a strangled cry. She's almost afraid he'll never stop, filling her until she’s sure she can't hold anymore. Watching his face twist in pleasure as his hips still, gripping her waist to the point she’ll see marks in the morning, she whimpers and pulls him in for another bruising kiss. He plunges into her mouth like a starving man and she greedily matches his fervor, stroking his sides, pressing her palms against his chest, and running her fingers through his hair.
Her belly feels warm, full of his come, and his gaze darkens as he strokes the swell of flesh below her navel before flicking back up to her face. Trailing wisps of coherent thought dissolve into the recesses of her brain as his softening length begins to stiffen again, a soft growl slipping out of his mouth as his body jerks forward and he slides easily back inside. She chokes on a sound, the feeling lighting her up all over again as she struggles to accommodate him at full strength. She turns to look at the clock, registering the digital numbers turning to three am- they’d been at it for almost two hours.
“When you say you won’t leave until I’m satisfied… is that something you’ll just know? Or do I have to tell you?” He looks at her as he gently rolls his hips and her breath hitches as his tip brushes against her cervix.
“The tattoo on your neck will break,” He explains through his teeth, hands running over her body to gently squeeze her breasts and she moans softly as he rolls into her again.
“Is it still there?” She mumbles, wishing she could see into the mirror, but it’s behind him. He nods, dropping to his elbows to mouth at it, presumably. She floods his ears with delicate sighs, fingers splaying over his ribs as she traces his sides, eyes fluttering shut at the beautiful way his mouth moves-
“Ahh!” She yelps when he yanks her up off the mattress and pulls her into his arms, carried in the air. Her legs wind around him on instinct, clinging to his shoulders to not fall as he carries her into the living room. As she glances around the space, for some strange reason she feels off- almost as if a spell has been broken. Here he is, in another room of her apartment, and the strangeness she feels is entirely ridiculous. But he’s real, he’s real and standing in front of her tiny kitchen bar, eyes boring into her own, mischievous smile painted over his face. She traces his lips with her forefinger, smirk reflecting his, and he’s draping her over the counter to have her again.
She loses count of how many times he does- in the kitchen, over the couch, against the door. He shows no signs of tiring, cock hard and always pumping her full. She can’t remember a moment where she isn’t tumbling over the edge, thoughts useless, head empty as his red eyes sparkle in the dark, intent on burrowing into her chest.
There’s a brief period where she’s under the stream from the shower, unsure how she got there and still cradled in his arms. Her mind is weak like trailing threads, too distracted by the almost numbing tingles spreading through her body as she smiles at him. He’s still fully sheathed inside her- she’s almost certain he hasn't pulled out since they left the bedroom- and his impossibly strong arms rest below the swell of her ass as he presses her against the shower wall and kisses her, water mixing on their tongues.
“Is the mark still there?” She whispers, vaguely curious as the hot water flushes her body a light pink. He pulls away, eyes hazy and clouded over with pleasure, before lifting her hips and pulling her back down onto his cock.
“Still… there…” He huffs, brows drawn down in concentration. “I may not be able to keep up, soon.” She giggles, holding tight as he finishes their shower and brings her back to bed. Why he’d even bothered trying to clean them up, she isn’t sure.
On her hands and knees she takes him, and when her arms begin to tire she lies on her stomach, cheek against the mattress while his hands hold her hips up and he groans and fills her again. She shivers as his feverish hands stroke over her thighs, down her back, and to her scalp, caressing her hair softly. Her eyes flutter shut as he rocks them back and forth, the tenderness of his actions making her stutter out a long, breathless sigh.
Hazily she registers him lying her on her side, still joined, strong grip on the back of her knee as he lightly draws another orgasm out of her, fingers deftly working at her clit until she comes with a broken sob and milks him for what she considers the rest of what he’s got. As he pants into her ear the horizon turns a faint purple beyond her window and she collapses against his chest, pressing kisses to the underside of his jaw.
While they catch their breath, she feels her skin chill and an almost imperceptible pressure vanish from around her neck. Her fingers come up to touch her throat, groaning at the exhaustion weighing her limbs down and the sudden ache spreading over every muscle. He strokes her stomach, peering down at her, and she can see that the band is gone through her reflection in his eyes, her arms and legs finally clear of it.
“Oh no, it’s over?” She mumbles listlessly, pressing the heels of her palms against her eyelids as she starts to come back to herself. A light chuckle from beside her draws her out of the odd feelings of disappointment and longing as she gazes up at him, early morning sun passing through his hair to turn it bright and golden. He looks more like an angel than any devil she’s ever pictured.
“You’re satisfied,” He smiles, faint and soft. It makes her heart twist uncomfortably as he reaches down and finally slips out of her. A flush burns her cheeks at the slickness that drips down and pools between her legs over the sheets.
“Hmm,” She crosses her arms over her chest, pouting to the ceiling and leveling a hateful glare over the vent that she’d previously latched on to when she needed to ground herself. “Doesn’t feel like it.” He covers her vision, looking pleased with himself, and she feels a pang of sadness knowing he’ll have to leave.
“My contract’s fulfilled, Ofelia.” She nods, patting his arm, and when he moves from behind her to stand in her bedroom, gloriously naked and back to her, she admires him like he’s a distant statue up high on a pedestal. Out of reach.
“Umm… do I say ‘It’s been fun!’ or ‘Thank you!’?” She asks, wincing as he turns to look at her over his shoulder. His amused smile makes her feel less awkward, and she jolts in surprise when he stoops down to press a kiss to her lips.
“It’s been fun, thank you,” He grins, all sharp teeth and cocky glint in his eyes. She stares, then smiles softly as he rises to his full height, and those elusive wings that had vanished before stretch out behind him to cover the length of her room. The next time she blinks, he’s gone, and she looks around the room in alarm before stilling.
It’s silent as death.
She lies back, staring back up at that vent, every part of her aching and sore, far too stiff to think about moving let alone changing her sheets. She closes her eyes, fierce loneliness prodding at her chest.
***
“Earth plane’s portal is ringing again,” The droning voice of Raphael calls out over the tops of the rows of desks, his tone growing more tired by the hour. No one answers, scrolls and papers flying about as the demons sitting behind their quills carry on cataloging and documenting contracts and summons.
“Did you not hear me?” Raphael sounds more on edge and Astarion flicks his tail in amusement, glancing across the desk at his chattiest coworker.
“Think Haarlep’s still booked?” Karlach grins, jotting something on her scroll before she flicks it behind her right shoulder and it hits a lowly imp in the head.
“Must be. Wonder if he’ll call me again,” Astarion sighs, idly flicking the quill pen in his hand around his fingers. He remembers his outing and smirks. He wouldn’t mind if it were her again. If only he could be so lucky.
“Astarion!”
“There it is- good luck, soldier,” Karlach whispers before grabbing her beverage to dart for the breakroom.
“Yes, sir?” Astarion sagely dips his head in a formal bow as he watches Raphael massage his temples.
“Please cover for Haarlep again,”
“Of course, sir.” Filling in for an incubus isn’t the job he’d thought he’d be doing while slaving away for an archdevil, but its excellent overtime and exceptional pay convince him to fill out the request sheet every once in a while. When he steps through the portal he’s met with familiar darkened windows and the scent of vanilla, votives burning on every shelf and surface.
“Hope you weren’t busy?” He turns to see her standing in the middle of her little summoning circle, far too overdressed for his tastes, and smile bright and shining in the dim room.
“Ofelia,” He smirks, catching the spellbook when she tosses it at him.
“It’s already bookmarked, at least…” She walks closer, brown eyes flashing playfully as her long dark hair falls over her shoulder. “That’s if I read the fine print correctly.” He glances at the page, hellish heart flaring with warmth at the infernal word for binding. He grins.
“Cheeky pup,”
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danvillecheese · 1 year ago
Text
the dwampyverse and all its timelines
welcome to the analysis i've been promising for like two years! this will be phineas and ferb centric simply due to the sheer amount of episodes compared to milo murphy's law and hamster and gretel. with the inclusion of hamster and gretel, i will admit this has gotten a little less easy to navigate, but i'm hoping with a bit of analysis and suspension of belief, it'll be okay. ready? lets go!
the best way i can describe this first part is by providing a visual of how i see it. and using a three-circle venn diagram makes perfect sense with all of the overlapping and individual parts.
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so - pictured above is said venn diagram. each part is its own timeline. ones where each show is their own timeline, ones where pnf/mml overlap, mml/hng overlap, pnf/hng overlaps and the one right in the centre where they all overlap. this doesnt include timelines where "endings" are separate (read: quantum boogaloo, act your age, doof 101, owca files... any ending that isnt last day of summer. but i'll get to those ones later). make sense?
1. where only phineas and ferb exists.
this works best before 2015. this timeline is the one that has zero murphy crumbs on it. dan and swampy haven’t yet had the idea of doing a show about a kid with awful luck and time travelling shenanigans. this is the most nostalgic timeline, for phineas has reigned over the disney channel cartoons for eight years. the lumberzacks dont exist, hamster and gretel dont save danville each week. pnf is its own show. no other shows have an influence on it.
adding to this - if you ignore any of the alternate timeline episodes and stop at last day of summer, you get my personal favourite way of watching the show. this one is basically just ignoring owca files, doof 101, all of mml and most importantly - act your age. I love the idea of an open book ending for these characters, especially for ones we saw on our tvs for over eight years [when it aired]. the events that take place after last day of summer are simply giving an idea of what COULD happen to our beloved cast, and without them, they really make no impact on the original story. the events before the end of summer are in no way impacted by the other alternate ending episodes.
2. where both phineas and ferb and milo murphy’s law exists
this is the canon, everything-exists-all-at-the-same-time timeline, pre-hamster and gretel. every piece of context works together, and everything is all connected. everything is canon! everyone is friends with each other! the pnf effect works! doof moves in with the murphy's, and this timeline is basically if you watched pnf and mml chronologically, without any of the alt ending episodes (in case you forgot which ones: quantum boogaloo, act your age, doof 101 and the owca files). this is the one i think we're all familiar with - it also includes candace against the universe (mostly uh... broadly speaking, the lumberzacks are the only mml thing in there).
3. where only milo murphy’s law exists
a timeline where pnf and hng are nonexistent. this timeline would probably exclude anything past season one, really. the crossover would not work. maybe even in this timeline the pistachions take over everything and the human characters cease to exist. (eleanor shellstrop this is the bad place!.jpeg) this further pushes the point (that I haven’t made - I’ve been thinking it I just haven’t said it lmao) that you can’t have milo murphys law without phineas and ferb. the crossover plot proves it. both in the real world AND in mml.
4. where just hamster and gretel exists
this one is a little hard to explain, especially since hng has only just finished its first season. there are a few pnf references in this show but it stands on its own feet much more than mml did. i think the likelihood of hng existing in its own timeline works a lot better than mml - but the chance of there being a surprise crossover is moderately high. like i said, it's a little hard to analyse this since its that much more removed from its predecessors.
5. where milo murphy’s law and hamster and gretel exist
this is a very unlikely scenario, but there is a chance a timeline like this exists somewhere. it’s a bit difficult to analyse or even prove since there haven’t been any kind of references or even characters that pop up in hng from mml. I wouldn’t expect the opposite either, considering that mml ended in 2019 and hng didn’t exist until after that, so hng within mml is basically impossible without a third season.
these last two timelines make a lot less sense, especially since hng still has stories to tell and we havent seen mml characters there yet (well... unless you count doof. hes technically a mml character, right? as much as some of us dislike that fact? haha. ahahaha.)
6. where phineas and ferb and hamster and gretel exists
this one works. i think it’s basically how dtva thinks it works (basically completely ignoring mml’s entire existence lmao) but this is basically the canon timeline of hng currently. but we’ll wait and see if there’s a crossover.
7. where all of phineas and ferb, milo murphy’s law and hamster and gretel exist all at once
like I say, a surprise crossover could happen (but based off what happened with the pnf effect I can’t even imagine how messy this would get) so yes, they could exist all at once. and they probably do, just that hng is a lot further removed from its predecessors in terms of references and characters popping up out of nowhere (doof and his inators don’t seem to have much importance yet, but who knows how it’ll end). this timeline, basically, is for those who don’t really mind that everything’s in a collective universe, and it seems like the easiest one to comprehend if you aren’t pedantic about all of this.
but what about the episodes where timelines end?
you’re probably here thinking okay, so what? there’s different timelines. this isn’t news. what about the other individual episodes that are within the umbrella timeline? I like to think of them as individual timelines within the show, along with all the other ones mentioned above.
quantum boogaloo
timelines have been a thing pretty much since season 2 of phineas and ferb, notably in the episode quantum boogaloo where they go forward in time and see a potential future where stacy is the president of uruguay. this is an example of something ‘canonically’ happening after last day of summer, 20 years in the future. this episode has a couple of potential timelines - the one where everything is fine, and the one where doof is emperor and everyone is named joe. the first timeline has candace ending up with jeremy and having three kids, along with ferb at camp david and phineas at an awards ceremony in switzerland. however, this particular timeline doesnt match up equally with act your age, since their ages dont line up. in quantum boogaloo, pnf are aged 30 twenty years later, in aya, pnf are aged 18 ten years later. this means they could either be 8 or 10 in the original summer, depending on the timeline. the second one is pretty much null to me since they time travel back and both of the future timelines cancel out.
doof 101
so. this is an episode i havent seen for a while. however, this is one of the perfect examples since the theme for doof 101 says "and this all takes place in fall so don't let the timeline throw you" like hiiii thank you for acknowledging that this is a separate timeline! there's a short bit in the title that shows doof facing either prison time or teaching at the high school in court, and its something we don't see the events leading up to. sure, he's done crimes against humanity but there weren't ever any consequences during the show. who turned him in? why is he on trial? what happened between him being evil and becoming a high school science teacher? and why does this monobrow edward rooney ass guy have beef with him and charlene out of nowhere? timelines, dude. got me stressed out and its not even my show.
act your age
[through gritted teeth] this episode also shows another potential canonical ending for the cast. phineas ends up with isabella 10 years after last day of summer, showing that this particular timeline has the kids aged around 8 or 9 in the original summer. we all know my thoughts on this particular ending, notably posted here. this timeline is easy to ignore if you dislike it, like the majority of us.
what does line up with the original summer, however, is doof's b-plot in act your age. I'm not a huge hater of his arc in this episode, and honestly, it might be his most in-character timeline ending out of all of them. yes, you heard me, theres something i dont dislike about act your age. like i said in the post linked above, i dont find it hard to believe he would bowl with perry and carl and monogram every week. he would totally have a mid-life crisis that wasn't real, like this guy canonically can't even hate christmas. this is so in character for him! in terms of it being a different timeline though, the only proof i have is that it's one of many different timeline ending episodes.
last day of summer
this episode is kinda like a flagship for the timelines, and as mentioned above, my favourite ending. i don’t think I need to reiterate it, but it really just provides an open ending for the entire cast, and makes room for anything else to happen. I’m curious to see how it pans out in the reboot; if they keep the continuity and acknowledge that ldos happened, or if they just kinda skip over it if it’s true that the new seasons will happen in the summer after the original one. but don’t worry - if the reboot adds any kind of canon divergence (I’m literally counting on it) You Will Certainly Hear From Me About It. lol
the owca files
I'll admit i haven't watched owca files for a number of years but i still remember bits of it. its a very strange timeline to me. i understand that doof is legally an ocelot and can be an agent but it does feel like the beginning of that out-of-characterness he displays in mml. and i guess the owca files is canon there, right? the bit with monogram during the pnf effect?
this also includes the pine tree. it feels like a way of letting us know owca files is in a different timeline. the flynn-fletcher house gets blown up, they get new plates, and we have symbolism of the end of an era with a pine tree in their backyard.
milo murphy's law
this one in particular is mostly just the pnf/mml overlap but ensures that doof ends up as professor time. if you've seen mml i don't think i need to explain it - after last day of summer (and owca files if ur nasty) the events of mml occur chronologically as if its one continuous timeline.
wait! what about the other canon divergent episodes?
ones that aren’t necessarily an ending but are set smack bang in the middle of the show with no explanation? don’t worry. I got you.
phineas and ferb christmas vacation
this episode features doof being evil in the middle of winter. dan povenmire has said he relapsed, but this is a perfect example of different timelines. a lot of the “ending” episodes were written and aired well before last day of summer so the chance of them knowing how the show was going to end was likely very little, if not zero. so, let’s imagine that last day of summer doesn’t happen. none of that arc happens, it’s just doof being passively evil throughout the year and then this christmas event happens. i don’t think he ever stopped being evil in this timeline. the chance of him just getting less… violent with his schemes is probably the best way of thinking about it. hell, he got perry a present. yes, it was a vase, but would the s1 heinz have done that? probably not. he’s definitely less evil as the show progresses, and even an episode like this one that aired in season 2 shows how quickly they turned it around.
on the other hand - the boys make their santa clubhouse invention and candace stresses what to get jeremy as a gift. does she try and bust them? surprisingly, no. her main focus is jeremy, and when it all goes south she’s in on what the boys are doing when santas elves show up. she mentions “what’s different this year than last year?”, insinuating that the boys weren’t inventing anything before the summer that the show is set in, and that this episode is definitely set after that summer. the B plot is definitely more solid proof of the alternate timeline, with heinz “relapsing” although I struggle to believe that with all the canon divergency that happens within the show and in mml/hng the chances of it just being a relapse are very remote.
that’s the spirit!
this one is similar in that it diverges from our last day of summer ending. doof is still evil, and candace - wait, she doesn’t even try and bust them. she’s keen to trick or treat with the gang and then go to jeremy’s party. she doesn’t even try and bust them. (man, it’s almost like it’s another timeline or something.)
back to doof though - he might have relapsed like in the christmas vacation episode, but he’s not necessarily evil here either. sure, he declared war on grass for an unknown reason and turned himself into a were-cow, but it’s not established that he wants to take over the tri state area like usual. if anything, it’s the opposite. he runs from the masses like it’s a witch hunt.
the curse of candace
this episode is all fine until the end where candace turns to dust and phineas says "we're gonna need a dustpan and some glue." there isnt much else to say about this one, but it indicates another timeline where candace is glued back together afterwards. and she’s also a vampire.
happy new year!
this is set after the summer the show is set in, considering that jeremy and coltrane are at the party as candace and stacy's respective dates. doof is still evil as his plot is to become ruler of the tri-state area. candace makes one last attempt at busting her brothers. this is definitely another timeline, and also apparently one where gangnam style exists. pretty easy to understand - doof doesnt have his giving-up-evil arc and continues to be passively evil like always. this could also work chronologically with christmas vacation, where he tries his naughty-inator and then a week later comes up with the resolution-changer-inator. candace's arc is a little different, she could have stayed consistent and tried to bust the boys from summer onwards, only getting to new years and wanting to change her ways with a new years resolution.
for your ice only
evil doof is back again in the fourteen days of winter vacation that fall between christmas and new years'. for him, this could be an evil scheme that takes place at some point in between christmas vacation and new years, or it could be its own timeline altogether. candace also attempts to bust the boys again, as per usual.
what's interesting about this one though, is the fact they refer back to football x7 when talking about hockey z9. and you're probably thinking 'obviously? whats ur point' and yes. obviously they bring up the original episode when referencing the sport with the same name format. but this also implies its in the same timeline as the football x7 game, meaning there's at least two timelines that divert off my fair goalie - one that doesn't include hockey z9 and one that does (this episode). and this one (i'm circling back) includes evil doof. bam!
escape from phineas tower
what! this is a normal episode, right? if that was your reaction upon reading that subtitle, you'd be thinking the same as me, until you remember the ending where the tower extends its forcefield around the entire milky way galaxy. but here's where things get really interesting. what film, may i ask, has a plot where the ensemble cast has to fly to another planet to rescue two other ensemble cast members? thats right, candace against universe! this means that catu is set in a timeline that doesn't include the escape from phineas tower episode, since they're able to exit the milky way galaxy and enter the vroblok cluster. this would be impossible if it were in the same timeline as this episode, since they would have stopped at the dome and wouldn't have been able to get to feebla-oot.
she’s the mayor
honourable mention to this episode since it features time travel and timeline fuckery and I never see anybody talk about it!
"Back at the golf course, Roger is astounded at how fast the game is going as Dr. Doofenshmirtz points out that the slight chance that the Accelerate-inator could destroy the very fabric of space-time and possibly the entire universe is a small price to pay to get done with the game. Perry then breaks the Accelerate-inator using a golf club, causing time to flow backwards at the exact moment when Linda and Candace are about to bust Phineas and Ferb, also undoing all of the day's events back to the announcement in City Hall and causing an alien from another universe to appear.
At City Hall, Mayor Doofenshmirtz prepares to announce the winner of the Mayor-For-A-Day Essay Contest. The alien destroys the Accelerate-inator, causing the time-line to be altered once again as the new honorary mayor is announced: the old coot and telling everyone that any gold that they find is now his, causing Candace to lament, "I was robbed."" (from the pnf wiki)
what would’ve happened if doof's machine wasn’t destroyed and set the timeline back into place? the fabric of time and space would have been destroyed, and there is a very high chance there would have been a last-day-of-summer-esque situation where everything within the void would cease to exist. right from the start of the episode, it begins with a clock chiming, so from the beginning we are made aware that time will somehow have significance, which it does. after the timeline resets, we hear the clock chime again, which lets the viewer know we're now in a different timeline. there don't seem to be any repercussions of this timeline fuckery later in the show since it doesn't get mentioned again.
night of the living pharmacists
second honourable mention goes to this ending that @momphineasandferbmadeablog reminded me of (tysm bestie) where it "ends" with stacy turning off her tv as if the entire episode was a horror film the whole time. however, even before verifying, i had a feeling it was debunked and its just the ending of the grievance film. and i was right.
"Dan Povenmire made it clear that the entire episode was canon instead of a film Stacy was watching, and that the "The End" card on Stacy's TV was merely the "The End" title card of the Grievance movie she was watching." (from the pnf wiki)
there isnt a citation for it and none of his tweets showed up while i was looking for actual proof but i definitely remember him saying it somewhere, but please, absolutely feel free to think of it as a separate timeline! without dan saying it's a canon episode, there isn't actually any proof within the episode that it isn't its own timeline.
across the second dimension/tales from the resistance: back to the second dimension
and for our third and final honourable mention, this one is basically the existence of the second dimension. I haven't added it as its own since the concept is pretty obvious - its another dimension where a different timeline occurs. i mean, idk if i need to fully explain it, if youve seen the film and the s4 episode you know what happens. it's explicitly stated to be another dimension, however the specific mention of timelines is nonexistent. semantics, yes, but i do really feel like atsd is separate from all of it.
it's certainly a timeline that could happen - doof could lose his choo-choo and eventually take over the tri-state area and the events of the film would occur, but the fact that the main characters cross over and meet each other puts it into a different category for me. but by all means, feel free to think of it as yet another timeline!
I want to specifically mention: this list of episodes is not at all an exhaustive number of timelines. the way I see it, this is just the ones that are “labelled” (for lack of a better word) as their own timelines. there can be as many or as few timelines within the dwampyverse as you like. this analysis is not a rulebook, but rather answering the conundrum with one solution out of an infinite number of possibilities.
the dwampyverse and its "current year syndrome"
i think we can all agree that phineas and ferb is a relatively timeless show, in that you could watch it at any point in the past fifteen years and it wouldn't feel particularly out of place. that being said, the technology used in the show makes it feel aged or weirdly out of time. most notably, the switch between candace having a flip phone in the first three seasons and a touch-screen phone in everything post-season four. this is clearly influenced by the smartphone boom that occurred in the 2010s when iphones became mainstream, and thus impacted everyday life, including in tv and film.
so, when the animators jumped on this trend, phineas and ferb became a lot less timeless. candace owning something like a flip phone, something that didn't even exist for a long period of time in real life, felt less like something that was trying to keep up with the times than when she suddenly appeared on screen with a smartphone. not to mention the alexa joke in candace against the universe. now that was a jumpscare.
if you did want to carbon date the summer that the show is set in, like this post did for example, and if you're like me, you might headcanon phineas and ferb's summer taking place somewhere between 2009 and 2012. the other times where they've crossed over is set whenever it makes sense. the pnf effect? i think its pretty much canon that it takes place in 2017, what with all the pop culture references like pokemon go, dabbing, and uptown funk. definitely things you can date back to that mid 2010s era.
milo murphy's law also makes sure it stays current too, like specifically mentioning the year 2016 when the lumberzacks formed, milo's bag of toothbrushes labeled 2012-2014, and king pistachion doing a selfie with everyone which is like the most 2016 thing ever. (you guys remember the oscars selfie?) there's certainly some purpose behind dating some of the events within the show, since its entire B-plot is about time travel, but it doesn't feel like its really trying to be a current show. at least, not until they have references and allusions to pop culture things like ducky mo-go.
hamster and gretel has what is unfortunately the worst display of the three - there's a lot of social media references in the show. not necessarily memes, but just a lot of display of the characters using social media. the first one that comes to mind is the destructress, where her typical Thing is her doing a livestream or some kind of story update announcement with her phone, clearly showing that this is a 2020s cartoon, and it feels the need to be very current. hell, eight year old gretel has an iphone in this show, but i won't go down the track of why that fact alone is so weird to me since it'll derail this entire analysis.
granted there are a LOT of inconsistencies throughout these three shows but the current year syndrome, although sometimes unavoidable, proves the fact there are multiple timelines - and they can be traced back to candace's flip phone.
so, what do we do with this?
I personally love cherry-picking the parts of canon that exist, purely from a selfish point of view but also because this universe allows for it. there are a lot of different endings or alternate paths these characters can go down, and as exemplified by act your age, we can either ignore them or embrace them. sure, it’s unlikely but there are some people who like the aya ending and say it’s their own canon, and others who like the ending where doof becomes professor time. or there's others, like me, who absolutely adore last day of summer as their timeline end. the openness of it in such a positive light makes it feel like it’s not even the ending for these characters.
it also begs the question - does everything go back to the status quo at the end of every phineas and ferb episode? well... it can't, really. most character arcs within the show are tied to events that happen, like monty and vanessa getting together, or buford joining the backyard gang, or even doof's slow arc to being a good, if not morally grey character.
no, it’s not a big deal that there’s a lot of different timelines in the sense you have to constantly think about it as you watch it. but it does present us with the classic conundrum: which one is actually canon? and to this, i say, pick your own ending. if you like cherry picking as much as I do, indulge yourself. skip episodes you don't like. ignore parts of canon that don't actually have that much impact on the timeline. hey, its not like the show doesn't allow for it!
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sgiandubh · 1 year ago
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Machiavelli took a day off
... when the Telegraph article was written in great haste, by someone blatantly given a last minute task, who had no fucking idea to whom she was talking and what exactly meant the PR vetted or even prompted questions.
Instead of a line-by-line analysis, we'll take things differently, on this page, using the '5 W rule of journalism' (or even non-fiction writing, in general, if you ask me):
Who? SRH, EP of the OL series and one of the two male leads of the TCND series, which will be shortly broadcast by Channel 4, in the UK and IE only (and Movistar in ES). The rest of the world is not concerned.
What? A promotional article, focused on the actor's personality, CV and projects.
When? At a particular moment in time, just after the SAG-AFTRA strike and before shooting OL's eighth and last season.
Where? Crucial to place it in LHR (to imply he is 'just visiting') and God forbid it would be in GLA, which (for some curious reasons) seems to be off-limits.
Why? An actor with solid credentials hopes to keep agents and employers interested, after above OL project is done, which is rather sooner than later. Also addressing (as per the actor's PR agent specific requirements) three particular issues: the Palestine letter, the Bond project and his 'private life'.
Onwards to the three issues at stake, which probably prompted the article. In chronological order, this time. And no, I am not going to address the Scottish independence mention, because this is a sincere, well-known position of his and this page never bitches about people's convictions - also because I educated myself on it and I agree with S.
Palestine:
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It was important, for obvious reasons, to push damage control a tad further. Also, strictly from a hypothetical POV, I would be very curious to read your compare and discuss thoughts with regard to this particular post on this page:
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A sort of answer came in the Telegraph paper, too. Not only to me (I am less than nobody), but to all the people (of which we were many) who thought he should not get involved in this type of debate:
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This is not the first time he uses this specific talking point. Last time known to me was on the day the Queen died, on X (I looked for that post, but can't find it, because I am just a filthy lurker, like that: but it is there).
The really interesting question, therefore, is: does he/somebody monitor what is being said on Tumblr? The answer is, I think, yes, and it shows. Will it stop me talking in here? Nope, as I trust my discerning abilities, for the moment. Other than that, his damage control op does not bring anything new to the table.
Bond:
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What can I say, Sir? While there's life, there's apparently hope. But that doesn't translate well, given the context of your interview. That spells desperate and it's not a great picture. Also, let us keep a pious moment of silence in fond memory of a 25 year old who had a dream and the dream went to Daniel Craig (who I detested as Bond, because every girl has her Bond and mine is Pierce Brosnan, amen).
I know people still speculate about it. I have very high reservations and I cannot, for the life of me, seriously consider even thinking about the possibility. He could do it with flying colors, no doubt. Does he stand a chance? I prefer to have zero expectations on it and be floored if it happens. If he naively still yearns/pushes for it, this interview could very well be as abysmal as C's VF tantrum.
'Private life':
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Ugh. Slippery when wet. I have already touched the subject in a reactive re-blog of @samheughanswife's post about it and I will not get back to what I said even without reading the article.
Some more extraordinary wording, in here: 'there might even be space for a personal life' - begs the question 'when?' In general? (in general, all men are created equal, too - it's practice that kills the theory) Now? (it is my staunch belief the answer is yes). After OL? (then and now and after Hiroshima, too). Can you program these things? (nope, stars simply aligned) Heh. Enough said. Also, 'might' spells cheap insinuation to me. But that's just me, a blonde voice in the audience.
Now, onwards to the daughter thing. I believe this specifically addresses the cheap, abundant clickbait content on You Tube, hence the vague 'online' reference (not Tumblr, not fans, not blogs - he is not C, he kept it clean). Such as this very recent one (last 'clip' on the topic was five days ago):
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The two I chose to share here, which are very conspicuous FAKES, are originating from the same 'source', an account that seems obsessed with S&C and has no problem changing its narrative three times a week, if needed. My opinion? PR induced shite, to prod numbers/interest and see what sticks.
No newborn daughter? I hear no lies.
As for OL leaving 'no time for relationships', ahem. *urv will be thrilled to read that, I bet the farm. As will Flukenzie Floozy, at least her - damn, she was persistent! Also, hello, back to 2014-2016 playbook, aren't we?
No new relationships? Whatever for, when IYKYK? I hear no lies.
'I want a cat' ('because she's great', says my shipper brain on autopilot), 'but I am too scared even for that'. Humph. A very poor lie. But admitting you wanted and got a Ca(i)t scares the bejesus out of you, since 2016. I hear no lies. Yes, I am being tongue in cheek and damn the consequences.
Morality of it?
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The easiest solution is never to take personal questions in interviews or panels. Why These Two still do it completely mystifies me.
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landinrris · 11 months ago
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In which I keep seeing tweets hyping up Lando and McLaren for this season, so I needed to vent my expectations and bring myself back down to Earth. (1.1k, w/ Carlos popping up at the end) Set during the 2024 championship in which Lando and McLaren come out of the gates swinging.
Lando thought he was prepared for the possibility of getting out of his car as the newly crowned champion. God knows he’s spent enough time talking it through with his team and parents— with Carlos.
As soon as he’s across the line, he’s asking Will about the finishing order, his stomach up in his throat. The sound of Will’s voice, shaken from his usual calm as he tells Lando to hang on while the team checks the finishing positions of his main rivals nearly makes Lando lose his mind. 
The wait is reminiscent of his first pole position a few years ago— how torturously long it felt in the seconds while the few remaining drivers finished their laps. But now they’re in Abu Dhabi three years removed, and Lando needs a points deficit to George of at least three and a deficit of at least one to Charles.
There’s an ocean of distance between him now and September 2021.
When Lando’s radio crackles back to life after about fifteen or so torturous seconds, it’s Andrea whose voice greets him, unsettlingly more manic than Will’s, even though he’s trying to hide it. Then again, anything other than his normal calm makes Lando suspicious.
“Would you like to know the finishing order, Lando?”
“On your own time, I think.” Lando’s voice shakes more than it ever has over the radio, betraying his nonchalant words.
Andrea just chuckles. “P1, Verstappen; P2, Carlos; P3, you; P4, Russell.” The words hang in the air for only a second or two as Lando rounds the corner onto the start-finish straight.
Screams erupt in the background, but all Lando can think about is the basic mental math he’s calculating. “Does that—”
“Lando Norris, it means you’re champion of the world!”
The screams get louder then, becoming deafening behind Andrea as they filter through the open channel. His entire team is screaming, those who ran to climb the fence as he finished making their presence known so close to the pit wall. The goal they’ve been building towards for the entire year— for their entire careers— is theirs.
Lando’s vision blurs on command, his hands coming up to clutch at his visor for a split second before he has to direct the car to the third-place placard. Lando doesn’t know how he manages it once he starts yelling with the rest of the team. He wonders if he causes anyone to yank their headset off and decides he’ll have to apologize later. 
For now, though, this is his moment. This is his.
Lando manages to contain his emotions when Zak gets in on the celebration, but he loses it hearing Will’s voice again. He’s successfully parked the car and already set everything to mode zero, but Will’s voice is in his ear, and the least Lando owes this man is to listen to the rest of his engineer’s words.
“Alright buddy, get out there and celebrate.” 
As soon as Lando’s feet touch the asphalt, his legs buckle out from underneath him, and he collapses by the front left tire. He needs to get up, needs to pull his helmet from his head, and go celebrate in the arms of his team and his family. But here Lando is, his body wracked with sobs while he thanks every possible force in the universe that’s enabled him to get to this point.
The side of his car isn’t as blurry when Lando opens his eyes again and shoves his visor up, his knees not as shaky when he stands, leaning on the body of the car for support. 
Across the way, his team looks like they’re barely holding themselves back from storming the track. Their self-imposed barrier breaks when Lando takes a step in their direction, his car crew rushing him and sweeping him off his feet. He may not be as small as he used to be, but the arms of the guys who have been with him for six years pick him up like he is, and all Lando can do is hold on.
The bone-crushing team hugs Lando has been subject to over the years don’t come close to now— not even on the back of his first podium in Silverstone the year before. But, he supposes, nothing really is quite comparable to actually beating the odds as they have throughout this year. 
Everything from the last few years rushes to the surface— every emotion and catastrophizing thought. Every question he had about resigning or not looking elsewhere at a team that could take him to the top faster. They gave way to the base satisfaction that had come with improvements and with accurate correlations. 
Every thought triggers another swell of emotion, but Lando can’t think about what he looks like in the midst of it.
Later, there will be pictures Lando will probably never want to see again when he takes his helmet off to reveal his already puffy eyes, red from crying, but he doesn’t think of that now. Because now, even with his mind solidly in the present, he can’t stop getting teary-eyed with each new person who comes to congratulate him.
And then Carlos is there, his person, finished with his own team and weigh-in, and it’s a lot. 
Carlos’ eyes look almost as red as Lando’s feel, which is stupid because Carlos shouldn’t be the one crying, right? They’re only about five strides from each other, but Lando takes the distance in two and a half before he launches himself into Carlos’ arms, his legs coming up almost on instinct to wrap around Carlos’ hips.
Carlos seems to expect it thankfully, and they stay upright. Lando’s never felt more protected than he does right now. Strong and warm arms grip and wrap around his back with every ounce of strength Carlos has left after a grueling two hours in the car. They’re out in the middle of everyone with their image likely being broadcast across the world, and yet Lando can’t find it in himself to care about anyone but the way Carlos’ lips press against the side of his face, the barely audible, “You did it. My champion,” above all the noise.
Lando lets himself cry.
Someone breaks them apart eventually so that both of them can give their reactions on the finish to Coulthard, who’s standing a few feet away looking excited. The distance they put between themselves isn’t a lot, one of Carlos’ hands settles on Lando’s shoulders when Lando feels himself getting weak-kneed again while Carlos is talking. He wonders if he looks like he’s going to pass out or if Carlos is just that especially tuned to Lando.
He doesn’t wonder for long though before he’s being pulled to the camera and handed the microphone Carlos had just been holding.
This is the beginning of everything. The beginning of being a champion. The beginning of the rest of his career. Lando knows he’s ready for it.
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korn-official · 6 months ago
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The Kerrang! Challenge starring Jonathan Davis & Munky!
This weeks contestants are:
Name: Jonathan Davis and James 'Munky' Shaffer
Occupation: Tortured singer and guitar-mangler & Kerrang! stage headliners, KORN!
Specialist Subject: Clowns, blindness, and obscenities.
**
1. What is BSE most commonly known as?
James: "is it a European thing? Oh great."
Jonathan: "Mad Cow's Disease?"
James: "Yessss!!!! Good guess, man!”
Jonathan: "I'm a vegetarian now, and BSE was one of the reasons I stopped eating meat. It freaks me out. I don't want my fucking brains running out my nose."
2.On entering the EEC, how many cigarrettes can you bring with you?
Jonathan: "Oh, man, What the fuck is it? Three?"
James: "Remember being on the boat at Dover, and there were all these guys with cartons? I'm gonna say 30 cartons."
Jonathan: "We'll say five cartons."
Kerrang!: "It's 'chokey' for you, then."
3.How many installments of "Childern of the Corn" have there been?
Jonathan: "Three. The first one's the dopest, the second one was kind of cheesy, and the third one I didn't see. Bet it sucks."
4. Who won the Euro 96 competition?
James: "Nobody in the band's into sports"
Jonathan: "What is Euro 96?"
James: "Just pick one."
Jonathan: "Norway."
5.name Slayer's second album.
James: "There was Reign in Blood, then ...."
Jonathan: "Seasons in the Abyss, maybe.."
James: "We'll say South of Heaven"
Kerrang!: "It was Hell Awaits.”
(The duo scream with the embarrassment of it all.)
Jonathan: "Fuck, I knew that song. Play it backwards and it goes, "Join Us", I liked it."
James: "Sicko.”
6. Name Keanu Reeve's rock band.
James: "I saw them on The David Letterman Show.”
Jonathan: "Er, we’re gonna suck…”
Kerrang!: "not as badly as Dogstar."
7. Who plays Quentin Tarantino's brother in From Dusk Till Dawn?
Jonathan: "Haven't seen it. Bruce Willis?"
James: "Boris Karloff."
8. What was the first single from Bon Jovi's keep the faith album?
James: "Keep the faith, that was it. Oh fuckk, I should have got that wrong. Oh no..."
Jonathan: "You fucking rocker!”
9. What is maize more commonly known as?
Jonathan: "Corn, we use Maize as a dummy name when we do warm-up shows."
10. As a result of losing her royal title, how much money has princess Diana been given?
Jonathan: "Was it 43 million pounds?"
Kerrang!: "No, she's not that important."
Jonathan: "I heard a story that when Diana and Prince Charles went anywhere, people had to build a toilet. Then the toilet seat got sent back to the Royal Family, so no one could ever sit on it. The whole monarchy's fucked."
11. Who directed the Italian horror film "tenebrae"?
Jonathan: "Oh, Fellini?
Kerrang!: "No."
Jonathan: "Fellini is the only italian director we know."
12. What is 15 percent of 400?
James: "Oh, man, mathematics."
Jonathan: "Okay, 10 percent will be 40 bucks, is it 45?"
13. What colour is London's Central tube line?
James: "Lime green.“
Jonathan: "I wasn't down there. so I can't tell you. We suck. How many have we got - two?"
14. Which band's second album is named "Ignition"?
James: "Ah, Offspring."
Jonathan: "They're from Huntington Beach, where we started the band. They're cool, but I'm not into that music at all. Noodles is a really nice guy, although he seems to be full of himself."
15. Who played the photo-journalist in "Apocalypse Now"?
Jonathan: "Dennis Hopper. He is in my favourite movie, 'Blue Velvet'. I wish I could live 'Blue Velvet'."
16. Whereabouts would you find the human tragus?
Jonathan: "That's a hard one…I'd say the face. Fuck, it's the head. Is it a bone? The ear. Morturary College comes in handy again."
17. Which rap band sampled a riff from Slayer's Angel of Death?
James: "Public Enemy, 'She Watch Channel Zero?!'. When we were 18, we used to play that in the recording studio."
18. Name the four horeseman of the apocalypse.
James: "Martin Sheen, Marlon Brando, Dennis Hopper"
Jonathan: "There's the white horse, the brown one..."
19. Which comedian recorded a live album and vidoe called 'no cure for cancer'?
James: "Denis Leary. He's raw, man. He's hosting a new comedy over here, called 'London Underground' or something.”
20. What are the ingredients of a good bloody mary?
James: “Vodka, tomato juice, celery, tabasco, and a dash of pepper."
Jonathan: "Worcester sauce and maybe some long green beans. They're great for a hangover, and on a plane too. I don't know why, but God they're good."
21. What do the opposite sides of a dice total?
Jonathan: "Seven, I know that from shootin craps."
Kerrang!: "Isn't that a tad messy? Boom ching, I thank you."
22. Spell the word enema.
Jonathan: "E-N...There's a 'Y' in it. fuck it. E-N-Y-M-A."
23. if a Londoner said that they were going to "up the apples and pears", what would they mean they are doing?
Jonathan: "Fucking— drinking? We have no clue.“
Kerrang!: "Up the stairs."
Jonathan: "Okay, I've gotta remember that. 'I'm going up the apples and pears, man.'"
24. How many centimeters are there in a foot?
James: "A hundred?"
25. Which is the correct saying: the yolk of an egg is white, or the yolk of an egg are white?
Jonathan: "The yolk of an egg is white, no?"
Kerrang!: "It's yellow.”
James: "Oh, man. that's like 'which is heavier, a pound of rocks or a pound of feathers?'. That is cool."
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butterflydm · 1 year ago
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Forsaken thoughts for s3
Nothing firm, nothing concrete, just thinking out some thoughts.
I am trying to keep spoilers to around A Crown of Swords or so, but I am talking about the Forsaken, so it's possible that a late-series spoiler has slipped into without me realizing it.
We have three Forsaken all-but confirmed for season 3, I would say:
Definitely getting Moghedien
Definitely getting Lanfear
Despite Reddit's constant worries that he's been cut, I genuinely have zero doubt that we will be getting Asmodean but I think the show is going to obscure his identity (just like the books did); which has already been implied by Rafe in an interview (seriously, though a. we had that guitar-holding statue in the s1 Forsaken figurines; b. we're doing a 'close' adaptation of TSR - how is that even possible without Asmo? he's the climax of Rand's storyline!; c. Asmo is PRIME material for the more complicated look at Why People Are Darkfriends that the show has been doing)
So the question is... are we going to see any of the others in s3 or will they be held for s4+.
It depends on a few factors, I think:
a. Are we going to be getting the Forsaken meetings in TAR? One of the ways that Hopper trained Perrin in the early books was secretly taking him to a Forsaken meeting (if I recall, Hopper was able make it so that Perrin not only saw the meeting but also saw Moghedien spying on the meeting). otoh, they may not want to cast actors for the other Forsaken until they have a bigger role to play.
b. How much did they shoot in Caemlyn? It sounds like Caemlyn may have been a location shoot rather than a studio set, which might mean that they only will be using it for a couple of episodes rather than going back to it over the course of the season.
c. They've name-dropped Sammael and Graendal -- does that mean that we're going to see them in s3? I do like @markantonys's idea that Graendal is taking the place of Rahvin in infiltrating Caemlyn, because her MO and Rahvin's are pretty similar (heavy heavy Compulsion). I also like the idea of Sammael maybe starting in Tear, being driven out by Rand, and fleeing to Illian and setting up shop again.
d. I do think either Moghedien or Lanfear is going to take over Mesaana's White Tower plotlines and I'm leaning towards Moghedien, because that makes her even more of an antagonist that's focused on the Wondergirls/Nynaeve.
e. If Rahvin does exist in the show, then he's likely going to be the first Forsaken to Die For Real when Rand balefires him out of existence (in s4?).
f. If Demandred exists, will we be getting the Sharan storyline or would we be getting Taimandred? I would personally find Taimandred a lot more interesting (especially since Dashiva does not exist in this version of the story, or at least doesn't exist as a Forsaken, since Aginor and Balthamel were definitely cut).
Someone on reddit did a good post about how eliminating the "men are always stronger than women in the One Power" differential would actually affect the rankings of the Forsaken and our main characters (the comments are mostly not worth reading but the post itself is good) and how that would effect the 'power rankings' but I also think that the show doesn't consider itself forcibly locked to the power ranking system either (which I feel is a good thing but reddit, of course, thinks is an abomination; how dare we not talk on-screen about how Lanfear is 1(+12) in the Power even though the books never talked about it either and it was all in supplementary material lol).
Tumblr is Weird about links to outside posts but the reddit post is here: https://www.reddit[dot]com/r/WoTshow/comments/17oc10a/ok_i_keep_seeing_people_talk_about_the_power/
So instead of Lanfear being six whole levels below Ishamael and Rand because being 'the strongest female channeler alive' still makes you considerably weaker than literally any of the male Forsaken, she's much closer to being on their level (and it's also possible that the show has made it so that Rand is flat-out actually going to be stronger than Ishamael and Ishy and Lanfear are the same, since they've referenced the Dragon being the strongest channeler ever a couple of times). It would also mean that Semirhage (if included) would be a lot closer to Rand's power level as well, making her an even greater threat.
Our final two slots remain a competition between Demandred, Rahvin, and Semirhage, I would say, and who gets what slot probably depends in part on which stories they plan to focus on. If Rahvin doesn't exist, then I'm uncertain who the first Dead For Real Forsaken is going to be in the show.
a. Asmodean, killed by one of the others?
b. Sammael?
Those two seem the most likely. The others kinda all have stories going on later in the series.
I do think that having Rahvin make it in so that he can get killed off by Rand would serve as a good reason why the other Forsaken act more wary of going near Rand in later parts of the series, so that does remain a possibility for me. Demandred and Sammael do kinda occupy the same space in the 'jealous of Lews Therin' ecosystem, so Sammael being included might mean that Demandred is bumped out, and they could then have Rahvin killed off in s4 or s5.
If Semirhage and Demandred both make it in, we might see their 'strange alliance' together, which could make an interesting contrast against the cutthroat in-fighting of the rest of the Forsaken (in the books, Mesaana is part of that alliance too, but I do think she's just straight-up cut).
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galaxy2earthspark · 6 months ago
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Anyways. I'm getting zero responses on my channel so here. These are three CONCEPT designs for my animated series and I need yalls opinion on who yall want the series to be more focused on, who yall want as a side character and who yall don't really care about. Starscream 1(the left): lost his optics and half a sonar receptor in the space bridge battle. He's the allsparks guardian which lives inside of him.
Second starscream (takes place after season 2): was corrupted from the emberstones energy and thus had to have a servo removed and replaced. The cracks in his face are also side effects.
Third starscream (the top one): us a fucking lunatic. He's like arachnid from Transformers prime but Synthetic Energon corrupted. He lost an optic in a battle with megatron but he never had it repaired or replaced due to severe damage to the optic and because he liked how it dripped his energon as he only crawls on ceilings. He's a pyshco. #fanseries
Their real names are
1: Visor
2:red
3:Enero
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moss-bride · 6 months ago
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You make me want to believe in love. Chapter: 15
Scp 035 x Reader
The three do this in rotation shifts. Someone is to keep an eye on him at all times. A lord in the house is what they need and she fills those shoes like the step-sisters did Cinderella. As in ill fitting but forcing the foot in.
And in her nightingale watch she drags the TV to his room just for fun. If she's gonna be stuck here, might as well watch her shows. Her popcorn finishes and she grabs it to settle on the couch and ignore the burning stare of the presence inside the shell. Snuggling a blanket.
On the floor at the foot of his bed she lets the channels lights flicker over his cocoon. “It's time to teach you what good television is.”
She makes it to the Spanish section and lands on a famous telenovela named ‘Teresa.’ she queals her excitement.
The episode playing is mid season when Teresa finds out her ex boyfriend (who she broke up with in favor of her highschool professor to escape poverty, don't ask) has become a rich successful doctor and her professor/boyfriend is now poor.
It's messy and a perfect drama watch.
Her mother had clicked off it whenever it came on TV back when it aired because she said that the main star of the show (Teresa) was a loose and immoral woman that she didn't want her daughter to look up to.
Look at her now! She may not be as manipulative as the titular star but she is a thousand times worse.
She drinks heavily in the coming days, sword at her side and gun on her hip. Looking out over the gate from the window of his study and taking a swig.
Her body is lathered with goopy medicine on her burned skin by the palace maesters of healing.
It's an odorless paste that is thankfully less greasy than human lotions. She is told to run it on all skin exposed to Anguish daily and layer think bandages on half her body. The result is her crawling the halls in mummy garb glaring at anything that moves.
Hate burns at the back of her throat and it is the slow creeping of acidic vomit. For herself and everything in existence.
As for him…
The stream of black had stopped and slowly hardened around him. Their entire form is hidden by a shell. Cocooning in an attempt at protection.
She takes a swig of beer and slouches on the chair. Muttering to herself. Then stumbles towards the bed, standing over it.
The slimy pit of them living inside the wet, a faint light emanating amongst the sludge. Perfect for a prop at universal pictures theme park. The new “aliens” production. She swears that there is even a glimpse of their frowning pallid mask.
Giorgia had smacked her hand away when she attempted to touch it last time. Without the maid in the room she creeps closer to the bed.
It's flaky but strong. She pokes at the cocoon,
It lurches in reaction and she snatches her hand back in disgust. “I almost didn't come back.” it is the first words she has said to this thing that is the curdled form of her tormentor.
“You hear me? Could have left you to die for good this time.” she sneers. “But I didn't. Don't know why I -” she cuts herself off and downs a heavy gulp. Slumping against the pole of his four poster bed. Listening to the maid bustle next door.
It's them and her in this room. No anxious Giorgia suspicious at her moves. A mistake on her part.
She zeros in on the door, waiting for an interruption that doesn't come. With no witness she crawls onto the bed. The black silk sheets sticking to her salve.
Splaying one leg over the cocoon, it collapses at her weight by four inches, bubbling and writhing until she can feel the barest form of limbs through the membrane trying to push her off.
A shoulder. A head. A neck. Not much else. On top of it her hands rove and dig into the mesh, stopping when she locates it. The frame of an endoskeleton.
She traces a bandaged hand on the column of his throat. Never noticed how swan-like it is, an elegant stretch that perfectly fits her palm.
In her drunken madness she can't resist. She pushes down. The form of a gasping throat under her hand. Struggling as she tightens her grip, pushes harder with her legs, splayed over his body. The creature that is him within the shell wiggles, sensing on a subconscious level her intent.
Anguish sends her a mental image with the last bit of strength. Her body swinging from a noose. Letting out a jagged bark of a laugh. How funny.
It seems he is partially aware of the comings and goings outside the shell.
She releases her hold and falls back. Staring at the ceiling listlessly.
Her bottle spills on the carpet red fading to black.
Maybe this place has finally claimed her. Slowly becoming one of those lost souls on the street that can barely utter a sentence. They had called that affliction a pestilence.
‘I hold your life in my hands 035. Can you feel it?’
Beside her she feels a drumming, a steady beating thump emanates from them. Turns out he does possess a heart. Or an alien semblance of one. Lungsacks perhaps.
Instead of bursting from its rest, it sat there, silent and mostly dormant. As soon as she leaned her face close, breath brushing the flakes, she observed his signature liquid that oozed from the eye and mouth holes, corrosive and dangerous to touch.
Her hands are too swollen to feel but she frantically thumbs a ridge. “You want to have everything? The king's throne, the universe at your feet? Prove it. Get out.”
His fury was like a living thing, a darkness that grew within him. The pressure built until it spilled forth as he layed helpless in his cocoon
When she addressed him, he didn’t answer with words, but he did acknowledge her presence, and his response was in the form of a mental image, spine-chilling and morbid. As its response echoes through the room, the darkness seems to swallow her whole, leaving her alone to confront the chilling reality of her unconscious companion..
She bursts into laughter. Choking gasps of air. Tossing to the side she buries her head on the decorative pillows. Nothing is funny.
If he was conscious he'd go into a long droning speech about the manner of existence and the perspective of shells on a forgotten beach. Which she'd promptly tune out.
TV playing, her mind continues to wander.
She snoops around the room, looking through his closet and drawers. It's all so tidy and comfy.
Black curtains with crystals trims and a scent of sandalwood
There is a huge window. The one he often stands and looks down at her from the courtyard. The dark sun beams down at her and the sky actually seems charming rather than eyestraining
This book he has in his room must be well loved if he separated it from the ones in his study. She opens a page and sees that the paper is yellowed with age and fragile
‘Sonetti completi di Cecco Angiolieri’
It's written with a flourish of a practiced poet and she knows that that is what this man is.
Most of them are of a man desperately pleading for a woman who spurned his love. Complaining about his wife or his mistress in the same breath. Very smooth and in line with the expectations of men in the 13th century
“Here you were making fun of me for being a romantic! Hypocrite.” She reads the work aloud to this sack of misery beside her. Reserving her snide comments to when he would emerge.
I claim misery as my child,
and I call it my mother too;
I was conceived out of heavy grief,
and my wet-nurse was melancholy,
and my swaddling clothes were a sheet
whose common name is trouble;
from the top of my head to the soles of my feet
there was nothing in me that could be called good.
Then, when I was grown, a wife was given to me
for my refreshment; she talked
from the early morning until the sky was full of stars;
and her talking was like a thousand guitars:
when such a wife dies, if her husband remarries
he has no more brains than a boat of gravy.*
Clicking her teeth and wishing this Cecco guy would get a healthier hobby like gambling. After a while she decides that this book is pretty appropriate material for Anguish
Giorgia interrupts them. Setting down a basket fool of rags and potions to rub on her dearest lord. “What are you doing?”
She turns the page. “I'm just reading to our patient.”
“ Our Lord did not invite you to share his bed. Get. Off.” she’d give anything for the ability to roll her eyes. She stands and sits on a chair instead. Closing the book, she glares at the maid.
Giorgia had been at her wits end but her unchanging mask speaks of another reason.
She gives in and asks. “What is it?” already knowing the answer
“It's White’s messenger again.” Diligence keeps sending them to their doors, expecting that they'll listen to them talk
She waves them away with a scowl. “Until Anguish is healed we will remain on lockdown mode..” she's had to repeat the line at nauseum since the party. It's a headache to say day after day.
Giorgia's stare is long and she returns it with equal force.
“Just continue to make sure no one gets in.”
The people of Anguish’s palace are tense. To be reliving the moment of their masters near death has made them a humorless bunch. The black lord's healing takes its toll and seeps energy from his house. The aether mentioned before is focused to his room at the top of his princessy tall tower. Where he lays waiting for his true loves first kiss to wake him up from the dastardly spell of an evil queen.
Black has his own miniature force of soldiers. A simple platoon. Giorgia told her that the others have vast nations at their disposal and it makes her a bit paranoid.
The servants bring her papers and invitations and cards as if she's the master of the house. Her and Giorgia share the mantle uneasily, deciding the work evenly amongst themselves.
The woman doesn't speak a word to her beyond what is necessary. All the rapport they shared is gone. Whatever.
As she regained her footing, she felt a heavy, throbbing pain in her leg. The sedative had worn off, leaving her in a world of raw agony. She tried to move her leg, and it obeyed with a sting of thousands of ants.
A bath would be great. Maybe a chance to rest her bone tired body.
She enters her room and tosses her clothes onto the bed, scattering the mountains of papers, the forms and requests from the underclass. She had attempted her best to read them last night and found that they possessed the same legibility as chicken scratches. She can't read a thing on them. (Others are mailed in leaking…. Grape juice smelling substance. Scared to even begin questioning what this is. But by the way Sforza reacted when she told him (with blatant disgust) it is not good )
Enough of it! She's taking a skin searing hot shower to melt away her thoughts.
The ominous floating sphere that serves as a shower head pours over her hair and she could moan.
She takes off the bandages and sinks into the pool of water. Picking at the scabs and the blister sacks that taunt her with her body's fragility.
She hasn't visited Galileo. Sforza had interrogated her on how she escaped and where the humans went. Trying their hand at burrowing into her head to try and fetch the information with Giorgia serving as his backup and watching her movements.
But to cut things short, with everything going on, the Lord's injury, the non-stop messages, etc, putting her in a cell until she spills isn't going to help.
She carefully scrubs with a sigh. Letting her head fall back as the wonderful refreshing feeling calms her achy skin. Clearing away the earlier migraine.
When she opens her eyes there waiting on the other side of the bath is lord white.
“Jesus Christ!” She leaps to get her clothes and protect her dignity sinking into the water. “What the fuck are you doing here!?”
“You did not respond to my letter. What else is a soul to do.”
She moves to the far corner and hunkers down. “How did you get in?!”
“A passageway only I am privy to.” She should have Sforza follow them and block it. Can't afford anymore winding rats to sneak in and finish them off.
Her body runs hot. Yelling at them to get out which they ignore. “But we must speak, dear.”
“I'll answer you, just let me wash and get some clothes on!”
They wave an elegant hand. ‘go on’
“Look away.” she's not trying to flash them her tits or other goods
White looks quite offended but obeys. Turning their head slightly to a wall opposite to her.
“You must understand I cannot reveal myself to be involved with Negredo. I am the last remnant of the order from the days of old. The sole protector of the king. This plan is older than you can even begin to conceive. Red and Yellow talk now of descending here at prying Anguish from you.”
She scrubs her armpits. “I get it. You could blow your cover. Pass me the soap by your feet please?”
They do so. “You have revealed your hand.” They sternly lecture. “Right now Red plots to dispose of you and Yellow has visited his knights to release his frustrations.”
“Then I will remain vigilant and wish Dyo a safe recovery on my behalf.” there is no flowery poetry or emotional prose they display for their injured ally. The terrible force and duplicity that is the inner circle of the Lord's of Allagadda proves duplicitous by the day. A snake eating its tail.
“When Anguish rejoins, all will act as if this bump never happened. You have been in Red's eye since your arrival and is likely writing to his beloved Ambassador.”
She orders. “Where is the passage you came through? Show all of them to me.”
Her authority has no effect. “I'll leave the task of future discovery to you.” White slips out as suddenly as they came. Out the corner of the bathroom, entering a different subspace, a blip in vision that the human brain can't register. Hate it when they do that.
“Giorgia!” she shouts as loud as she can. She hears her at the door. Knocking growing to banging. She shivers and crosses her arms again, sinking further into the water.
Sforza pounds at the door. “Are you well?” the handle jiggles. Then it's beaten at.
White somehow keeps the door clothes through the sheer force of an invisible hand.
Sforza and two other guards manage to burst through the door. Clutching them to her chest as she's finally able to breathe without being under their heavy gaze. She lunges for her clothing. Still dripping wet the pants and shirt become soggy as they absorb the water on her body.
The nerve of that thing! Anguish had told her Diligence was the less lascivious of the Lords and she had naively believed them!
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On the bed beside her.
He remained still, waiting to see what the agent would do next. He had for centuries reveled in his inhuman nature. He has known himself to be cunning, ruthless, and brutal. Enjoying destroying the lives of his hosts and sowing seeds of chaos throughout history. He was there at the French revolution. The great fires of London. A courtier to the introduction of Mansa Musa.
They should be grateful he chose them. He doesn't spare them a thought if he could help it.
But... She made him question everything he thought he knew about humans. Or just her.
Needlessly, valiantly, stunningly, stupid. Laying beside him a thin shell apart.
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batsplat · 6 months ago
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at least motogp channel did put sete in valentino’s rivalries vid for their vale tribute HA the valentino snipers did not get to them in time ig https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=63oLIUbRT6M
(video) it's still one of the Big Five Feuds!! admittedly to most people it's fifth of fifth, but it can't be displaced!! he had two title fights with the man!! pepperidge farm will NOT forget!!
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genuinely when I sat down to watch the 2004 season for the first time and watched mugello, catalunya, assen... honestly I think I may have watched them straight up in a row because I just couldn't stop myself? like that shit hit SO good and I had this moment of?? why isn't everyone talking about these races ALL THE TIME. I'd never even heard them mentioned?? and okay the answer to that could be 'well they happened in 2004', but they don't even come up that much in discussion of old races!! they're all bangers, they're all DIFFERENT bangers, a real range of flavour that all heavily feature the same two title protagonists. they change the championship picture completely in a way where okay with the benefit of hindsight you can go 'oh ho ho valentino was always going to win that title' - well no he wasn't! valentino showed up in mugello with the wooden medal helmet for a reason! it was his first yamaha season and after that initial welkom high, he did look like he was in trouble! and you get those races to completely change the tone of the title fight?? not crashes, not just dumb mistakes, a direct contest! individually all three of those races would be a decent shout for best or second best race in a lot of seasons, let's be honest. as back-to-back-to-back races, the only trio of races that is even in the same DIMENSION this century are austria/silverstone/misano 2019 - which is undoubtedly a great shout too in all being bangers and having a sort of mini storyline arc with a fantastic conclusion, but it does feature different protagonists and also has less than zero championship implications. plus the biggest interpersonal relationship story we got out of that trio involved a rider who literally wasn't even involved in any of those duels, which is objectively pretty funny and speaks to the lasting power of that particular feud - BUT!! it's not quite the same thing as the 2004 trio
genuinely valentino is so lucky biaggi showed up at welkom to do the dramatic duel with him so that's the crowning achievement everyone remembers from the yamaha switch. like the way the pr works is that - well, people vaguely remember biaggi being the big rival for valentino at some point in his early years and valentino beat him at welkom for his first yamaha win so that might as well be the only important race of that season?? which. the biaggi thing ALREADY wasn't the main rivalry at the start of 2004!! valentino's getting away with a massive act of historical revisionism through dumb coincidence!! literally you can make the argument that this is the only real one-on-one race duel biaggi and valentino EVER have, it's not their only memorable battle (suzuka + phillip island 2001 obviously) but it is the only one in that category of race-long one-on-one! and it just HAPPENED to fall exactly then, which is obviously extremely valentino because he loves having everything work out that way for narrative reasons. but it's also super convenient! by the evidence of the entire 2003-05 period, it is so so so much more likely that duel happens with sete! it'd be unfair to call it a biaggi cameo appearance since he was still a serious factor until honda promoted him to their factory team in 2005 (I have many unanswered questions about what on earth honda was doing with their line up for much of the early noughties) and finished p3 in the standings in both 2003 as 2004, plus there was a time in 2004 where biaggi was super close to the championship lead after... uh. rio? actually no I double checked, after sachsenring he was a point off valentino. point being, biaggi was absolutely a factor but not really in terms of on-track battles!! the actual duels were happening almost entirely between valentino and sete, with ONE exception. of course valentino gets to say his favourite career win was against biaggi. twat
anyway after writing all this out. I did actually click on the video. and. they left oUT ASSEN 2004!! THEY LEFT IT OUT!! THAT WAS THE BEGINNING OF THE END YOU FOOLS YOU AMATEURS THERE WAS LAST LAP CONTACT!! WHAT MORE DO YOU NEED TO INCLUDE A RACE?? IS A LAST LAP OVERTAKE WITH SUBSEQUENT CONTACT WITH OBVIOUS POST-RACE TENSION NOT ENOUGH FOR YOU??? WHAT'S THE STANDARD HERE??
on the other hand, you could say that if a rivalry is so high quality on track that they don't even include a race like that, then it has to be an absolute all timer. I rest my case
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alliswyattonthewesternfront · 7 months ago
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It's wild how gaga everyone goes over AHS and its never-ending seasons when Channel Zero is right there. the superior horror anthology by a country mile.
is it because the concepts were based on creepypastas? i was a little reluctant because of that myself, i won't lie, but they barely have any resemblance to the source material other than the names. the cast is leagues better than AHS overall. the practical effects in each season are fucking INCREDIBLE, i still think about the smiling rig they made for Pretzel Jack on a regular basis.
it never made sense to me why it was canceled after season four. season three was dogshit and relied so heavily on cgi it was almost unbearable, so if they canceled after that, i wouldn't question it. but the writers came back with a fourth season every bit as strong as the first two, and THEN it was canceled? something stinks.
anyway, all hail the guy that played Pretzel Jack, Twisty Troy, the only man i've ever seen gallop around in a full back bend. this show turned me onto his other creature work, and the man is an absolutely outrageous talent. king shit.
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disasterarea-podcast · 1 year ago
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Ooo, okay, so once that last post offered up a suggestion to watch “Air Crash Investigations” - which isn’t what I was looking but I appreciate the suggestion all the same - I thought I’d share a list of disaster documentary shows and YT channels for anyone who’s got time to kill and wants more disaster info. (I’m not going to link directly to stuff, just because of location and access and whatnot. Google and check how you can watch these in your area. 😊)
So all the ones I can think of:
Air Crash Investigations/Air Disaster/Mayday, obviously. There’s something like twenty seasons so there’s lots to watch.
Seconds from Disaster, which is really good if having diagrams and reconstructions help you understand stuff. They cover lots of different disasters, and I think there are seven seasons or so.
Minute by Minute, which is a lot like SfD in that it establishes the timeline of disasters, where people were at what time, etc.
Disasters of the Century. It’s a Canadian show that uses Papyrus font and looks like it was made for five bucks. I adore it. It covers some smaller disasters and ones I’ve never seen covered elsewhere despite their significance. You can usually find all the episodes on YouTube. I think the channel name is Bad Day.
Joshua Allec Ibay has been doing Microsoft Flight Simulator YT videos of air disasters for years now. They’re all taken directly from the official investigation reports so the information in them is always good.
Plainly Difficult is a YT channel with a lot of videos about disasters. They had a LOT about nuclear disasters early on, but they got a bunch more on other things since then.
If you’re really interested in a shipwreck, go on YT and search for the ship and “real time sinking.” There’s multiple animated re-enactments on there which really put the sinkings in perspective. The Lusitania video is something like twenty minutes. The Titanic videos? Two hours and forty minutes.
Speaking of shipwrecks, “The Sea Hunters” is pretty awesome. They gets scientists, historians, explorers, divers, Clive Cussler, and they go down to different shipwrecks.
If you like survival stories but you’ve never watched “I Survived …”, it’s a MUST. The seasons are here and there over streaming sites (I think Amazon has 1 and 2, and then 5 and 6), so you have to do a little digging. Each episode is two or three events told by the survivors, but there always seems to be one story an episode featuring rape and sexual assault, so trigger warning for that.
Fascinating Horror is another very good YT channel focused on disasters.
Deadly Disasters is a show you can usually find episodes of on YT where each episode focuses on a type of disaster - tsunamis, heat waves, earthquakes, etc.
Oh, Zero Hour! It had about three seasons but they cover disasters a lot like Seconds from Disaster - timelines, diagrams, and whatnot.
When Weather Changed History looks at things like the Super Outbreak in the 70s and Katrina, but also how weather affected the Hindenburg crash.
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des2dream · 2 months ago
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HalloweenThursdayTreats SPOOKTACULAR: Monster High: Ghouls Rule, Scary Godmother, & The Nightmare Before Christmas!!!
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It's time to end October with a BANG and celebrate Halloween with the monsters we all know and love. We've got our ghoulfriends from Monster High, we have a house full of monsters ready for the annual Halloween party hosted by Scary Godmother, and we've got our spooky residents at Halloween Town (not the Disney Channel's HalloweenTown) prepared to scare-it-up led by The Pumpkin King, Jack Skellington!
Let's catch up with our ghoulfriends for 2012's Monster High: Ghouls Rule where Halloween is on the horizon and Frankie Stein has never celebrated before! She believed it was a day for costumes and candy, but wasn't aware of the ongoing tension between Normies (Human Beings) and Monsters. Monster High is constantly getting unpleasant visits and pranks by the normies and some of the students have had enough. They go to "the real world" to give the Normies a little payback, but they unfortunately get into some trouble along the way and one of the students are wrongfully accused of breaking havoc on the Normie's high school, New Salem High. Who was wrongfully accused? Holt Hyde (also known as Jackson Jekyll)! It's up to the Monster High ghoulfriends to clear Holt's name and bring back the spirit of Halloween!
In 2003, Cartoon Network aired a sppoky cute 45-animated special called, Scary Godmother: Halloween Spooktacular! A group of kids led by Jimmy are ready to go trick-or-treating, but not before playing a Halloween prank on Jimmy's little cousin, Hannah who is extremely afraid of monsters. After they trick her into going "The Spookhouse", Hannah is met by Scary Godmother whose come to comfort her and show her how not all monsters are as terrifying as they seem. How does she do that? By throwing a fun cozy Halloween house party hosted by her and her roommates. Hannah soon meets a skeleton-in-the-closet, a goofy/hungry werewolf. a family of vampires, and a unique monster called Bug-A-Boo whose job is to hide under every children's bed. It's a Halloween party full of frights and giggles!
Finally, we've got a holiday classic from 1993, The Nightmare Before Christmas! The citizens of Halloween Town always make sure that each Halloween gets better every year and while the citizens all look to the mayor, they also look to Jack Skellington (The Pumpkin King) who has grown bored of the same thing each year. While wandering off with his ghost dog, Zero, he stumbles into a place called Christmas Town where he finds a new passion. He wants to understand Christmas, experience it, share it, and participate in the festivities by even becoming Sandy Claws himself! Unfortunately, that comes with a cost as Kris Kringle has been held hostage by The Oogie Boogie Man (The Boogie Man) who doesn't plan on letting him go anytime soon. Will Christmas ever be the same again? Will Halloween ever return to Halloween Town? Tune in to find out!
Honestly, I love ALL of these films! I would watch them all the time with friends and family! I felt that the best way to finish spooky season was to look back at three Halloween specials I absolutely love! I hope you've had just as much fun with these as I have! HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!
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realrogerhours · 3 months ago
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So, You Want To Watch Kamen Rider
Below the cut, I will explain;
what is the Kamen Rider? how to determine what season to watch good entry points for the indecisive anniversary seasons that depend on knowing of other seasons streaming it vs. torrenting it seasons that you can just watch on tubi, for free, legally
you know the drill, no direct links to pirated material to preserve my sources, keen eyes might be able to assemble something.
1.) What's Kamen Rider?
Kamen Rider is a long-standing series of Japanese live-action shows, fitting into the Tokusatsu genre, which is largely about heroes, usually two but some seasons have much more than that, fighting against villains and monsters. It airs weekly on Sundays, alongside its sister series Super Sentai. The particulars of each season differ wildly, and many seasons are completely disconnected save for crossover movies and the occasional appearance of a very special magenta clad drifter.
What I personally enjoy about the series is that variety as well as the fight choreography for most seasons, as the directors often decide to make action scenes go nuts for no discernible reason.
2.) What season to watch?
I will present two different methods;
go to this officially run youtube channel and watch a couple episodes of each season there to determine what vibe you like
or
continue to read this article
either way, you will find yourself in the next section naturally at a pace that is comfortable to you.
Since there are three distinct eras, if you'd like, you may simply start with the beginning point for each era;
Kamen Rider (1971) (90 episodes, slow pacing) is about Takeshi Hongou, who is kidnapped by a transhumanist neonazi organization known as SHOCKER and put through genetic and cybernetic augmentation, he is removed from their grasp before they can indoctrinate him, leading him to live in shadow and fight an endless war against them. It is much goofier than the synopsis implies. Kamen Rider Kuuga (2000) (49 episodes, medium pacing) is about Yusuke Godai, a freelancer who has recently returned to his hometown. In a strange coincidence, an ancient race of murderous beings known as the Gurongi have reawakened, leading to the opening of a cave sealing the ancient power source of the one warrior who can stop them; Kuuga. A new legend, a new hero. Kamen Rider Zero-One (2019) (45 episodes, pacing fluctuates somewhat) is about an age where human-like androidsm known as Humagears, who are employed to make life easier for those around them. A nefarious hacking group, MetsubouJinrai.net, has begun converting them into dangerous attack units. This coincidentally happens on Aruto Hiden's first day as the newly, suddenly appointed CEO of Hiden Intelligence, the company responsible not only for manufacturing Humagears but for the primary means of subduing hacked units; Kamen Rider Zero-One
If you're nasty, you split the middle era, the Heisei era, into two phases, some call it Neo Heisei, I call it Pre-Decade and Post-Decade
Kamen Rider W (2011) (49 episodes, pacing starts moderate and slowly ramps up) is about two detectives who share a bond more precious than life itself; Shoutaro Hidari and Philip, who investigate mysteries in the windy city of Fuuto relating to strange monsters called Dopants. With a long runtime and many great episodes, this is an easy recommendation.
3.) Seasons you should wait to watch.
There aren't many seasons you should wait to watch until after you have a few after your belt, but they do happen at the end of both halves of Heisei; Decade should be seen after you have a few pre-decade seasons under your belt, and Zi-O should be saved until you have a few post-decade seasons under your belt in addition to Decade. You can still watch them whenever you please, I'm not your dad, but your enjoyment of them will be heavily enriched by the experience of being able to point at the screen, throw an expression akin to a fish, and scream "I UNDERSTOOD THAT MOMENT!! WAOW!!"
4.) Streaming, Torrenting, which is better?
Now, you may be asking, "Roger, where do I even begin to find these things?" Well, unfortunately, I can't tell you for the safety of my sources. Surely, though, I can tell you which is better. With torrenting, you are guaranteed to find new episodes as soon as a subtitling group has finished with their translation, however, there is a more involved technical process. Additionally, the fact that there are multiple subtitling groups tackling each new season, you may have to expect that a little researching to figure out a preferable balance between your favourite presentation style and your preferred translation.
With streaming, however, you trade decision making for the one thing that's worse; viruses and fake mirror sites. Since these sites often go down, you may need to be ready to either swap over to torrenting at some point or find a new site, though not all drama sites will have Kamen Rider.
As for subtitling groups, I recommend OZC-Live or Earthlysubs for older stuff, Geosubs for newer (IzuSubs also works if you prefer a little oldfriend weeb spice), and TV-Nihon/T-N/Anon for anything you can't find under those.
5.) What if I'm a pussy and want to exclusively watch legally?
Well, my weak willed compatriot, you're in luck! A few seasons, as well as the big shiny new film Shin Kamen Rider, are available legally through a few channels.
The adult-oriented prestige television style reimaginings of earlier Showa-era seasons are on amazon prime. Kamen Rider Amazons, Black Sun, and Shin Kamen Rider, are on there, and they're not too bad! I personally recommend giving Shin Kamen Rider a viewing, it's a real fun time.
On top of that, Shout Factory has done a few seasons, with plenty more on the way. You can buy them on blu-ray or find them on tubi.
Currently, only the following five seasons are available legally;
Kamen Rider (1971) Kamen Rider Geats Kamen Rider Zero-One Kamen Rider Kuuga Kamen Rider Ryuki
As well as a couple miscellaneous films, the Heisei Generations Forever film as well as the big season movie for Zero-One, Real Time.
If you get into the series because of this post, please tell me how you liked it after you finish your first season, it would warm my heart
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exilology · 1 year ago
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SEASONS OF HER, PT.1 is the DEBUT mini album by EXILE HER. the mini album was released on JUNE 15, 2018 by KQ entertainment. the album features EIGHT songs with two title tracks GASHINA and HUSH RUSH. the mini album was promoted for FOUR weeks with each title track getting TWO weeks each. GASHINA managed a total of FIVE wins while HUSH RUSH received ZERO wins. GASHINA did sufficiently better than HUSH RUSH and managed to get EXILE HER her first win and is considered one of the MOST POPULAR SONGS OF 2018.
– TRACK LIST.
HANN (ALONE IN THE WINTER) – 2 : 55
DEAR NAME – 4 : 49
HUSH RUSH – 3 : 27 [TITLE]
RESET – 3 : 02
GASHINA – 3 : 00 [TITLE]
BLOOD MOON – 3 : 14
WHERE IS LOVE – 2 : 57
listen to the full mini album here.
– ALBUM VERSIONS & INCLUSIONS.
SPRING VERS : " the spring of me " photobook ( 107 pages ) + one random photocard out of six + one random mini poster out of four + one random poster out of three + six postcards + stickers + spring diary SUMMER VERS : " the summer of me " photobook ( 107 pages ) + one random photocard out of six + one random mini poster out of four + one random poster out of three + six postcards + stickers + summer diary
– STYLING.
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– ERA NOTES.
you were one of the most anticipated debuts of 2018. mainly because you were such a fan favorite on PRODUCE 101 despite not winning. but netizens were keeping an eye on you even after the show and so to see you finally debuting was nice to see for a lot of them.
your debut mini album charted well when it was first released and managed to debut at #30 on the BILLBOARD TOP 100. GASHINA debuted at #4 and HUSH RUSH debuted at #56 on GAON MUSIC CHART. speaking of gashina, that song was EVERYWHERE. you couldn't go anywhere in korea without hearing it playing from several different stores or on the radio. you were surprised by how well it charted as you honestly weren't expecting it.
during this era, you appeared on several variety shows and many netizens praised you for your camera ready personality and how well you were able to talk and have conversations with the mcs.
along with the variety shows, you also filmed several vlogs and videos for your youtube channel. there seemed to be a video every other day and IXLUVS were being FEED with content. you also had several interactions with the ATEEZ who were preparing for their debut later in the year. many fans thought the interactions between you all were sweet and commented on how you had good chemistry with all of them.
GASHINA was also nominated for SONG OF THE YEAR at several award shows; however, it didn't win. you were also nominated for BEST NEW FEMALE ARTIST at those same award shows and managed to win.
– MUSIC VIDEOS.
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'Gashina' 'Hush Rush'
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