#ch. 1103 | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

redheadspark · 3 years ago

Text

Downright Weak, Ch.4 🌌

Light My Love: Chapter 4

Summary:

I couldn't be soft anymore, not with how Ikaris was trying to tear me down and make me feel smaller than I was. He would say things from time to time, if not with his words but he would even stare at me in a way that would think he was far more superior. We all knew he would follow Arishem's commands with no hesitance, and that meant he was harsh every once in a while with the rest of us. But with this, with now I was dealing with all of this grief because of the humans mixing in with my second-guessing that was still evident.

This boiled over.

WC: 5707

Warnings: mostly angst in this one!

A/N: Here is Chapter Four! Wanted to pop it in this morning! I’ll load Chapter 5 maybe tonight if not tomorrow

There will be more Druig and Soteri moments soon, I promise! I know it feels like a slow burn but it’ll be worth it ;-)

Previous Chapter: Chapter Three

——————

*Chapter Four: Downright Weak*

1103

Kingdom of Jerusalem

I never thought I would have a conflict with another Eternal. But I did, and it was painful.

We found ourselves neck-deep in Crusades, a human war that we were never going to be a part of. The war was about religion, which most of the wars that we witnessed were about. It was confusing, fighting over belief when they could have lived in peace.

But once again, evolution brought both peace and pain at the same time. A part of missed the earlier years of this planet when there were barely any conflicts and opposite opinions that drove humans apart. The worst of it all was that we could nothing to stop it or end it before it could begin. As the years passed, the calm demeanor of the humans was slipping away. They wanted to be dominant to one another, villages were turning to countries, weapons forming into deadly metal swords and spears.

They were more vicious to each other, yet we had to hide from them now.

We were no longer able to be amongst the humans. Religion and politics got in the way of them being more open-minded to what we could do. They became afraid of the unknown, relying upon logic and science more than magic and wonderment. It came with their evolution, we all knew that for certain, but it made us more cautious being amongst them as we still fought Deviants. It was more important to eliminate our enemy and keep the humans safe, though our exposure would happen at any moment.

It all came to a major blow when we watched the Crusades unfold in from of us.

It was one of the most painful things to see from a distance, watching from a distant cliff near the chaotic ocean as a battle was ensuing. The rest of the group was hidden away in the Domos, finding more information on three Deviants that were close by in the hillside, away from the battle but were getting close to the humans. The group was planning our attack inside, but I was still drawn to watching the human fights each other out a few miles away.

Oblivious to what they were doing to my heart.

I never thought I would see something like this, something that seemed elementary. I only wished that there was a way that I could make them stop, to try and reason with each other. That inner conflict within me must make me feel more human than anything, yet I wasn't human at all. I was an Eternal, not from this planet and not able to call this planet my home.

So why did I feel like it was my home?

"Soteri," My name was called behind me, having me finally tear my eyes away from the fighting and look to see it was Ajak and Druig. Ajak looked solemn at me, already in her armor and watching me with careful eyes. But Druig, standing right behind her in his own armor, looked like he wanted to snap a tree in half with his bare hands. I saw the rage in his ice eyes, in his stiff stance, and in how he was folding his hands in front of himself. As if he was refraining himself from doing anything.

I knew that look, and I didn't like it.

"It's time to find the Deviants," Ajak replied to me calmly, having me nod once before I head some of the outcries of the battle. I looked back, not being able to help myself as I saw men falling left and right. It was painful, almost like I was there and feeling those stabs. If only I could protect them, keep them safe…

"There's nothing we can do for them, Soteri," Ajak reminded me, almost coaxing me back, I shook my head once, still not understanding.

"This is too much," I muttered, almost to myself as I felt this pain in my almost, at least that's what I felt, "Why can't I—"

"You know we can't," Ajak interrupted me, having me go silent and close my eyes. A singular tear fell on my cheek against the bitterly cold wind. I didn't understand, and I wanted to so bad. Maybe we were evolving with the humans too, maybe our own view of the planet we were on, and seeing all that was moving around us made our view change too. I know mine did, being the naive one in the very beginning. I saw in Sersi, seeing her love the people all the more and wish to be near them and drinking their kindness. I saw it in Druig, his thirst to protect their race and to control him from no longer fighting.

But now, I could see it in me.

I turned back around and saw Ajak give me a small smile. She then turned to go back into the ship, stopping at Druig and giving him one soft kind look. Druig stayed still, kept looking ahead, and not giving her the satisfaction of a nod or smile. He was hurting too, Ajak could see it, so she walked on and back into the ship. I sniffled, thinking it was better to just walk away and not think about it anymore.

I walked onto the ramp, trying to drain out the battle that I could still hear and channel my mind into the upcoming fight we were about to have. Before I could go inside though, Druig finally moved to stop me from getting onto the ship. He looked over at me, grasping my arm with his hand ever so gently to not harm me.

"I can't do it," I said in a low tone, almost painfully as I took in a solid breath, "It hurts…seeing them do that to each other. It hurts so bad," I felt pathetic telling all of this to Druig, making myself sound so small like an insect instead of a powerful Eternal. Being on this planet for this long made me let the walls around me thin out. Instead of being strong all the time, they were thinning out ready to fall.

"I feel it too," He reminded me, his voice soft in the wind that I could barely hear him. I could hear it in his voice now: the inner rage he wanted to let out and the agony that he too couldn't do a thing to stop it. I searched his eyes finding the anger in there too. His was in a far worse position than I was, I realized it then gazing at him. He could read their thoughts, all of them, and he could hear their pain and anger on each other. The hate that was spewing from their minds and the thirst for murder.

He was in so much pain, it was nauseating.

I shivered, the cold tear that I shed was still against my skin and cheek. He then reached up, his hand was as gentle as a feather and also so fragile, and touched my cheek. His palm was against my skin, warm to the touch but also calloused to experience too. His thumb moved away the tear, almost making it feel intimate and tender at the same time.

I never felt this from Druig before.

We still talked together, taking walks together and discussing the humans and how far they have come. We also laughed with each other over antics that happened on the ship with the other Eternals. He loved seeing those smaller moments too and being able to share those memories in my mind. He was kind, he was sincere in what he would say, and he was wise beyond his years.

But neither one of us had to go through something like this together, feeling the pain not too far away and tethered into our loyalty to stay still. I didn't know if the others felt it, whether it would be Thena or Sersi. But I felt it then with Druig. I saw it in his eyes, felt it with his hand against my cheek and skin, and I sensed it. Perhaps we were more tethered than we think, amongst each other as Eternals having some kind of bond that would be hard to break.

Whatever it was, I felt it at that moment with Druig.

"Let's fight these Deviants and just…..breathe," I said to him, still close enough to feel his breath too. He took a long breath, finally nodding in agreement before I felt the need to move away from him. I did, losing that singular touch as I walked into the Domos, trying to push my feelings down and away. This was no time for something like this to happen when I knew we had to fight. I was vulnerable for a brief moment, and it was such a scary thing to experience for the briefest of moments. Especially with Druig, the one who couldn't read my mind, and yet it felt like he could.

If only I knew I left him out on that ramp, hand still hovering in the air and a solemn look on his face.

——————————————-

The last Deviant fell in a heap in front of me on the dusty ground. I sighed in relief, already pent up with what happened before and now inflicting it on the three Deviants that we were taking care of. They weren't powerful like the ones we have dealt with in the past, nor were they easy. But something was off about this fight, and it was festering in me.

I was getting angry at the humans fighting.

"Well done, Soteri!" Gilgamesh said to me in a joyous look, walking over to me with Then right behind him. Ikaris and Sersi were near the second Deviant, leaving Kingo, Makkari, and Phastos by the last one not too far away either. I gave him a short smile, not wanting to look bitter about it. He clasped my back gently, showing me his congratulations, but before I could say something else to either him or Thena, Ikaris was the one who spoke up.

"That Deviant almost had you," Ikaris said to me, walking over to me slowly with Sersi behind him. Sersi gave him a weary look, as well as Gilgamesh and Thena while I placed my hands on my hips to try and breathe again. I raised my eyebrow at him since he sounded short with me. His look was cool and collective, but something was festering under him too.

"She did well, Ikaris," Thena reminded him in her gentle yet firm tone. Ikaris didn't look in her direction but kept his eyes on me as he was walking closer to me.

"You think your force field you used really worked?" he asked, having me now cock my head at him since it felt like he wanted to start an argument with me, "You took a long while to take him,"

"Yet I did," I countered back, trying to sound calm to him but feeling the hint of agitation become amplified.

"Ikaris," Sersi said his name in shock as we were looking at each other and Ikaris stopped, at least 8 feet away from me and leaving some space between the both of us. In the past he would comment to us about our fighting techniques, he's done it all of us a few times. He thought in his mind that he was the main leader since Ajak never came into battle herself, and his critic was less welcomed than her own.

But he's done it with me more than the others, the underlying tones of my force fields not being powerful enough for not being fast enough to teleport. I put up with all this time in the past since it meant nothing to me. Only small digs.

But now, it felt like he was going to try and get to me hard.

"I can't help but wonder why you don't fight with all you have," Ikaris said, a dig in my side with how he spoke about it. The other even shot him a look from what he said, but I kept my eyes on him and I felt my own fists at my side getting harder and tougher.

"This is not the time," Gilgamesh reminded him gently, stepping a bit closer to me since he sensed that I was getting upset. I was holding it in, so bad and so hard that it was getting harder to stay still.

"You always hold back, thinking that you're not good enough to be out here with us. It's bringing us down," Ikaris said in a lower tone, almost vicious to me as I felt my anger getting hotter and hotter within me. I never got mad at another person before, but perhaps it was because of the dire times we were in, or all this time we were together. Ikaris was slowly starting to push it and I was no longer resisting.

"Ikaris, stop this!" Sersi pleaded with him, her eyes big with worry as the others were all now watching him try and berate me.

"Why do you need to put me down?" I asked him, my voice low, and was trying not to go cold. Thena took a step over in my direction as well, staring intensely at Ikaris as if to tell him with her eyes to back down.

"Because you're putting the rest of us down," Ikaris replied, now sounding downright vicious about it as he was trying to make me submit to him just his smile gaze. Sersi was placing a hand on his arm to stop him from doing anything else. The one thing he said next rang in my ears and made me downright look at any sense of control I had left.

"You're downright weak,"

Sersi went to grab his arm, to give him some kind of signal to back down and no longer attack me. He moved his arm away from her grasp, almost viciously and it made me finally snap. Something inside me exploded, I no longer wanted to be low and calm. I threw out my hand at him, instantly having a force field wrap around his upper chest like a rope that he couldn't break free from. It happened so fast, within a blink as I then used the force field to yank him forward to be right in front of my face.

"Soteri!" Kingo shouted as I saw Ikaris right in front of me, almost looking floored from what I had just done to him. He was trapped, having a few inches off the ground, and was constrained from my rope-like force field. His eyes started to glow, having me see that he was going to use his cosmic beamed eyes at me to stop. I threw up my other hand, placing another field around his eyes like a band. I saw the blast happen, but it was stuck in-between his eyes and the field around his head. The others gasped and moved away, seeing how I was defending myself at such a harsh rate.

This boiled over.

"Don't you ever call me weak again," I growled at him, knowing he could hear me as I then used the force field around his waist to hoist him up in the air, about 30 feet. Everyone watched as I then slammed him to the ground, the sound of his back hitting the hard ground below was almost deafening as my force fields around him disappeared on impact. He was almost knocked out on the ground, frozen on the ground. I knew he wasn't dead, nor was he passed out. His eyes were still open, but he looked like the wind was knocked out of him

I froze, realizing what I have done.

My breathing started to go fast and short as if I was hyperventilating on the spot. What have I done? Why did I do that to him? What was I thinking? It was making me almost cry and the strength I had was no longer there. I breathed out, almost falling to the floor if it weren't for Makkari, who rushed over with a blink of an eye and grabbed me.

She looked so hurt with what just happened, getting me balanced as she looked back at the others in concern. I didn't pay attention to them, just reliving that moment over and over again. I snapped, something I swore I would never do as an Eternal. Even with another Eternal too. I felt lower than ever.

"Makkari, take her back to the ship," Thena told her gently, remaining calm. I then wanted to look up at the rest of the group and tell them I was sorry. I felt so foolish then, especially to Sersi since I harmed someone to who she cared for. She was one of the last people I would ever want to cross, and I assumed that I did. Before I could through, Makkari wrapped her arms around me and whisked the both of us away.

it was almost like a rush of wind from how fast we were going, and within a second or two, we were back in my room on the ship. Makkari placed me on the edge of my bed, kneeling in front of me with her concerned gaze as I was still trying to breathe. It was harder to breathe, I was replaying the moment I did that over and over again. It was so vivid in my mind, and it was making it worse to breathe and I felt more tears hitting my face as Makkari took my hands in one of her own.

Breathe, Soteri. You need to breathe! She signed to me, but I was shaking my head and my breathing was still short and almost uneven. I tried to listen to her, but it was still playing over and over in my head. Makkari kept holding my hand as then two more sets of footsteps came into the room at a fast rate.

"Soteri?" It was Druig, of course it was. He sounded shocked to see me breaking down on top of my bed, Makkari kneeling in front of me and trying to get me to breathe. The two sets of feet rushed over, Druig going to my side as he looked at Makkari with pure concern on his face.

"What happened?!" Druig signed and asked her. I tried to take another breath, but it was harder to do. I hunched over from the loss of breath, Druig instantly grabbing my arm to support me as he looked at Makkari.

Ikaris pushed her too far and she attacked him! Makkari signed back frantically as a third body stood right over the over of us in silence. Although she knew said nothing, I knew who it was and it was even more painful to have her see me like this.

"I'm gonna kill him," Druig growled, sounding so angry himself as I cringed and slammed my eyes shut. My ears were ringing and my head was throbbing from the inner pain that was coming over me. Almost like I was drowning and I couldn't find a way to breathe again.

"Enough," A gentle voice sounded, having me feeling Makkari release me and move away for someone else to kneel in front of me. Another pair of gentle hands touched my arms, the tips of her fingers danced on top of my uniform and the heat went through the material onto my skin. A second later, something soothing was going over my brain and filling my lungs with air, like a warm balm that would soothe a burn. I took a haggard breath, my lungs starting to work again as my brain was feeling less and less heavy.

It was almost like a blanket was wrapped around me, bringing me calmness and serenity in that moment of panic. I took another breath, then another, and one more before I felt calm and normal again. The shakes were still there, but not as violent as before.

"Look at me," her voice said calmly to me, soothingly. I shook my head, fearing the judgment that was going to come for certain, "Open your eyes now, Soteri."

"I failed you," I muttered out, thinking that I did let her down since she was our leader. That guilt was seeping through me and making me feel worse. The only thing that helped me through, that helped me finally open my eyes, was Druig's hold on my arm. He wrapped his arm into my arm, almost silently telling me that it was alright. It was a gentle hold, a reassuring hold, and for some reason, it calmed me much more.

I opened my eyes, seeing Ajak kneeling in front of me.

"Oh my sweet Soteri," Ajak cooed at me, the same she did all those years ago in Babylonia. I watched her, my eyes still misty as she cradled my face in her hands, "You haven't failed me,"

"I snapped, Ajak," I confessed to her, my voice frail and low, "He called me weak. I am…I am weak."

"You're so strong," Ajak reminded me, her voice still soothing and kind as she moved the tears away from my face with her fingers while still staring at me intensely, "Your strength overcame you at the moment. It will happen from time to time to us, believe me. Although you had a moment of vulnerability, you are not weak, do you hear me?"

I stayed quiet, nodding my head now as Makkari was standing close by and she placed her hand on my shoulder. Druig kept his arm around my own, watching me with his eyes and having me see he was still willing to stay close. It made me feel a wave of love from both of them, Makkari and Druig were always close to me and I considered my best friends. I knew then that love and affection that they had for me, and I was grateful for them.

"I will speak to Ikaris about what happened today. And I'll talk to him about his leadership tactics, I've been needing to for some time. You stay in here, get some rest," Ajak explained to me, looking up at Makkari, "Stay with her and keep her company, Makkari. She needs it now."

"I'll stay too," Druig said to her, Ajak looking at him as Druig was giving her a knowing glare.

"You're a good friend to her, Druig," Ajak complimented him, "But I can tell you are angry by this,"

"He pushed her too far, Ajak—" Druig said in a low manner, but he was interrupted by Ajak.

"And I will address it with him personally," Ajak reminded him, "It will be wise for you to stay here and console Soteri. Do not go anywhere near Ikaris." She warned him, her voice being a bit authoritative as she looked at him directly in the eye, "Promise me, Druig."

I even looked at Druig, seeing him look back at Ajak. I knew that look on his face, seeing that look that he wanted to fight. He always had a unique relationship with Ikaris, both of their personalities were stiff and rough with one another. Druig at times called out his leadership, in return Ikaris called him out with his gruffness and aloofness.

Druig finally nodded his head once, letting Ajak move up and out of the room swiftly. Once she was gone and walking down the hallway, I felt a wave of fatigue hitting me hard as Makkari looked down at me with a hint of worry.

What can I do for you? Makkari asked me with her smooth fingers.

"What can we both do for you, Soteri?" Druig asked, moving back a bit from my embrace as I rubbed my temples with my fingers.

"I'm just…I'm tired. I need to sleep and just…forget all of this. I don't even want to go out there and see any of them." I confessed to him, seeing him nod his head, "They'll think I'm crazy that I did that,"

"They won't." Druig reassured me, no longer sounding heat but calm. Makkari tapped my shoulder to have me look at her.

I'll make you some herbal tea to help you sleep. I learned the recipe yesterday, She signed, having me smile at her.

"Thank you, Makkari," I thanked her, seeing her grin at me before she sped off. It left me alone with Druig, who was moving to grab my orange thick blanket from the top of the bed. He wrapped it around my shoulders, staying still and quiet as I was watching him with the heaviness on my chest and shoulders from my panic attack and my tears.

"I'll stay here with you, if you want," He suggested, almost being sheepish about it as I was wrapped up in the warmth of my blanket. I was feeling tired then, being warm and feeling my energy drained from me.

"Thank you, Druig," I replied to him in a murmur, my head feeling heavy as he reached up and pushed my hair from my eyes. It was almost an affectionate gesture, and if I wasn't so tired I would have teased him. I finally leaned back to rest on the bed, my head on my pillow, and my eyes started to drift close. This was all too much, but the only thing I could think about as I was falling asleep was the insane amount of power that I used on Ikaris. It didn't seem like something I would do, something I was capable of. But it all happened within a moment, and perhaps it was just a dream. I knew I was safe then, back in my room on the ship, and with Makkari and Druig nearby to keep watch.

I fell asleep with that question on my mind: What was I capable of?

—————————--------------

Present Day

Australia

"I'm sorry, Gilga. Ajak's dead,"

We watched with sadness and remorse as we told the news to Gilgamesh. It was so hard to see his face fall from hearing the news, almost painful as he looked down in defeat. The cast iron skillet he had in his hand with his pie was now limp at his side, the pie falling onto the floor with no resistance.

"It's true, buddy. We lost her," Sprite said in a neutral tone, looking just as solemn. It was almost the drop to start his sadness. He walked to sit in a chair, hanging his head and griping the cast iron within his grip. He grasped it so hard that he bent the iron in half as if it was clay.

I couldn't stay still anymore, slowly walking over to kneel in front of Gilgamesh. He was silently crying, having me reach up to place my hands on his massive arms and to rest my head against his. I knew Ajak did this with us so many times when we were down and when we were afraid. She did this to me back in the Crusades, after my panic attack and my outburst of power. Since she was no longer here, I had to do it for the first friend I made at the beginning of time.

"I miss her too, Gilgamesh," I said to him softly, my voice dancing in the wind as I felt him slowly calm down again. I took the cast iron from his fingers, letting it drop to the ground as I felt him take another breath, "But we need each other now to end these Deviants."

It took him a moment or two, getting his bearings together and then looking up at me. I knew his eyes, they were kind and they were gentle in comparison to his giant and muscles. He sighed loudly, finally giving me a calm look as I grinned at him.

"Thank you, Soteri," he gruff at me, having me nod at him once before we both got up from our spots. I was about to say something else when he looked off in the distance, over to the same place where Sersi and Ikaris were looking too. Out on a hill, a safe distance away from the house, was a bare tree with someone sitting underneath it and their back to us. It took a moment to figure out who it was, but I saw the long blond hair in the wind, the white outfit flowing in the wind and my heart sank.

Thena.

"Oh, Thena," I said in a groan, not wanting to be willing to tell her the news next. But Sersi, Ikaris, and Gilgamesh were already walking along the man-made path that lead to her. The rest of us followed, staying a bit behind since we weren't going to know how she was going to react. She was always a stoic warrior, someone who knew how to fight with her eyes closed. She was created to fight and have victory in each fact.

No wonder the Greeks called her Athena, The Goddess of War.

The three of them were a bit farther up, turning the corner to be almost right behind her. We saw her sitting Indian Style under the bare tree, which had hanging ornaments made of sticks and bones dangling from its branches. There was a mural of sorts on the ground around the tree, almost made of branches and bones. She was hunched over something, drawing with her fingers and colored clay as Gilgamesh slowed Sersi down before she would reach Thena.

"Sersi, the attack triggered her," he explained to Sersi, "She's no fun to be around right now,"

Gilgamesh then walked on his own to Thena, who was still facing away from us as he walked calmly and carefully.

"Hey, Thena. Look who's here," he said calmly to her, pausing in the middle as he watched her with gentleness, "Give me your hand,"

Within a moment, Thena whirled around, no longer sitting still like a boulder. She threw out a cosmic spear into her hand and aimed at Gilgamesh, who blocked with his own cosmic energy fist that surrounded his hand. He remained calm, whereas the rest of us was taken back from the sudden burst of violence.

I saw her eyes, the rigid stance she had against Gilgamesh, and how she was not herself Her eyes gave it away, they were milky white and no longer was a cool green that used to be. I then remembered, back on the night when we separated:

Thena had Mahd Wy-ry.

"Everyone in Centuri 6 is going to die!" Thena said aloud. Her voice, though it was her own, also sounded demented at the same time.

"Give me your hand," Gilgamesh tried again with her.

"It's too late, " She said back to him cooly, "We can't save them,"

We heard this before when it first happened those centuries ago when she first showed this sickness to us. We didn't understand it then, but we knew it was not like her at all to turn on us. I was seeing it all over again, and it was almost just as disturbing as it was before. She took out another weapon in her other hand, about to strike Gilgamesh once more.

"Thena," Gilgamesh was about to warn her, but I saw the area around us morph and change. One minute we were outside in the desert, the next we were in the Domos ship in our meeting room. I looked over to see it was Sprite, casing an illusion around all of us to trap Thena in and to calm her down. I looked at the illusion that was cast, almost being followed myself that we were back on the Domo ship. It made me miss the ship, the warmth of the walls, and the comfort of how it felt like home.

I wish I was there.

"Thena, we came to Earth together on our ship," Sprite explained, seeing that it was making Thena calm down and lower her weapons. Sprite went on, casting another illusion of an illustration, showing in golden light Thena in battle with a Deviant. Thena's weapons in her hands disappeared then as she watched it play out in front of her. I watched too in fascination.

"You're an Eternal, the greatest warrior in Olympia. The legendary protector of Athens, the Goddess of War," Sprite reminded her, then giving her one hard look right in her eyes:

"Remember who you are,"

Gilgamesh then reached out, fingers speed out and he laced his fingers in her own. As soon as their palms touched, he whispered to her, "Remember," It knocked her out of her trance. She blinked a few times, the milky white eyes went back to normal and she seemed like her normal self again. Sprite's illusion of our Domo ship melted away as well, finding us back in the desert outside their home.

Thena gave Gilgamesh a knowing smile, the kind of smile that made me think we shouldn't see ourselves. They were close, the both of them. Gilgamesh always looked out for Thena, especially at the beginning when we knew Thena had Mahd Wy-ry. He was willing to stay with her and help guide her, such love for her kept them together as comrades.

Thena then looked at all of us, Ikaris nodding at her and Kingo giving an awkward, "Hello!"

"Hello," She replied with a tilt of her head.

—————-

A/N: had to throw in some angst! Please let me know how it’s going so far! Thanks for all the love and supper, it does mean a lot to me :-)

Chapter 5 will be up soon!

Tag list:

@bubblyyz @reallysparklychaos @alessandriapost @tanyaherondale @wooya1224 @spideyswebshooters @vinvantae @hottpinkpenguin @virtueassassin @basicrese

#fanfiction #writing #eternals #druig #marvel #barry keoghan #druig fanfiction #druig x oc #Druig Eternals #mcu #mcu FanFiction #mcu writing #marvel cinematic universe #marvel cinematic universe fanfiction #Druig angst #Druig fluff #marvel FanFiction #eternals FanFiction

41 notes · View notes