#ch: moiraine damodred

[isabelpsaroslunnen]

Wheel of Time (Episodes 1-3)

[Original date: 20 November 2021]

I watched the first three episodes of Wheel of Time with my mother, who has never read the books. I have read most, but not all of them—I adored them in high school and my early twenties, but drifted off to reading other things and writing my own, so my memories of the books are very fond, but patchy.

Somewhat spoiler-y review below the cut:

Full disclosure: my main concern was Moiraine—I was both thrilled and terrified when I realized how much they would be centering her, since she was always my favorite WOT character, and probably my favorite “mentor”-type character ever. In my opinion, they do a great job with Moiraine, thankfully; Rosamund Pike plays her with a steely intelligence, will, power, and grace that I loved.

(About halfway through, my mother—who’d been somewhat unsure of the characters’ roles and dynamics at first—burst out, “Is she GANDALF?” Probably my favorite watching moment!)

I like Lan in the books, but liked him more here. His quiet charisma, his aura of skilled deadliness, his dedication—you really feel it in Henney’s performance. And I think they did a wonderful job of showing the Warder bond between Lan and Moiraine, in their ordinary interactions, their synergistic fighting, and his treatment of her as she drains herself.

I’ve seen some reviews criticize the characterization of the other five, but I thought they ranged from “fine” to “great.” Rand himself falls closer to the “good enough” end for me; he’s alternately endearing and irritating, which is true enough to the books, but lacks a certain ... something that would help me (and perhaps some others) latch onto his character more. On the other hand, Egwene and Nynaeve have that Something in spades; I love the intensity that both actors bring to the portrayal of them, without diminishing Nynaeve’s care or Egwene’s innocence. I can take or leave Mat, and Perrin is unfortunately tainted by an absolutely terrible writing decision, but otherwise good.

Apart from the characters, I thought it was visually beautiful and often striking (even, or maybe especially, in Shadar Logoth). The pacing was pretty uneven, especially at first—there seemed a lack of urgency about some of the storytelling while the writing was essentially telling us that things should feel urgent (apart from the Trolloc attack, which was properly harrowing). That said, I appreciated that it was willing to stop and breathe in a way that SF/F films/TV/adaptations aren’t always prepared to do, as with the quiet opening, and when we hear the history of Manetheren and Shadar Logoth.

The opening credits are inspired, by the way. I’ve seen them compared to Game of Thrones’s, but to be honest, I like these better—the aesthetic is so tightly linked to the underlying mechanisms and themes of the story.

There are a few elements I did dislike: the too-early (in my opinion) introduction of the Red sisters in a way that makes the end of E3 feel rather repetitive, Moiraine and Lan’s unsubtle arrival, bringing in a character for apparently the sole purpose of fridging her, and some of the unevenness. But in the end, it was an enjoyable and vivid experience for both my mother and me. In fact, as soon as E3 closed, she demanded my copies of the books, which I’ve never been able to get her to read before!

As a sidenote, I’ve seen a lot of comparisons to GOT (including, but not restricted to, the one above), but for me, it’s much more reminiscent of LOTR—Tolkien’s LOTR and not just Peter Jackson’s, which I honestly appreciate. It’s not purely derivative of it by any means, but as someone who deeply loves the book, it is really pleasant to watch something that isn’t embarrassed of that influence even as it strikes its own path.

[sadhorsegirl]

need it on the official record that i do love moiraine and lan's relationship sososo much!!!

i love the implicit understanding they have with each other, based partially in the fact that they are both heirs separated from a crown for very different reasons. moiraine and lan are both people who cannot go back to where they came from, whether they want to or not. so there is this shared sense of loneliness, and drift that they share, wrapped up in the idea that they probably aren't going to survive the last battle (or even the journey to it) and would rather sacrifice themselves than have anyone they care for or, in moiraine's case for some people deem more necessary to The Pattern (although to be fair to her, this often still means having a certain level of care for them she just um. wasn't raised to know how to show any healthy positive emotion i don't think) moving in companionable silence eternally Searching™

i've grown increasingly haunted by this exchange they have at the end of new spring:

like............"surrender after you are dead. yes." is the sentiment set up as one of the core values of their partnership starting from the very moment she decides to ask lan to be her warder. surely, this will end well for all parties and will NOT have any tragic implications!

it sets up this really harsh poetic symmetry (surprise) when they have their Big Fight™ in the great hunt. moiraine LITERALLY invokes how they first met with funny little jokes abt him throwing her in a pond to get his defenses down so she can jump scare him w an intense re-examination of their relationship. the whole fight is basically her forcing him to think on his toes so she can examine him at his most basic emotional level in order to try and expose the truth abt how he feels, going from playful to painful at the flip of a coin lol. and he's aware of it!!! him calling her out on it and her answering back w patented Aes Sedai Speak, in a relationship that should be free of such manipulation.....

the real master stroke here, though, is the fact that the chapter is from moiraine's pov. we get to see her own inner thoughts about it and see that beneath the devastating chess game she's playing she's just as heartbroken at having to play it. the argument is really a crystalization of what makes her such an interesting character for me -- she is leveraging absolutely brutal social dynamics in order to, from her perspective, HELP someone she cares for deeply.

essentially, moiraine is saying that in his love for nynaeve he's found something to live for beyond sacrifice and that means that their bond to each other must be terminated. he can create a new life, and bc she thinks she understands how everything will play out moiraine thinks she is just cutting down the time before he realizes he can and will ask for her to dissolve the bond anyway. he isn't wed to death anymore, leaving the heavy implication that moiraine still is.

which sets us up for something really interesting for them in s2 i think! while their relationship in the show seems to generally be under less strain than it is where we see them in the mainline series, there remains another crucial difference btw the books and the show -- moiraine has siuan!!!!! im rly excited to see how that comes into play in terms of any potential interpretation of this fight/the breakdown of lan and moiraine's relationship bc it makes her decision to push him away feel even more hypocritical and rooted in her tendency to be self-sacrificing to the point of self loathing.

tldr for anyone just trying to figure out what this might all mean for season two according to one singular poster on tumblr dot com: in the books moiraine feels very........time to burn all bridges so no one can chase after me on my suicide mission basically and i can't say im NOT excited to see if that's where she ends up in the show (to live is to suffer etc etc)

[astrometriia]

me, watching the fandom react to moiraine’s casting: lmao it’s fine guys, camera angles, wigs and movie magic will fix all your appearance concerns, she’ll be great!

me, until/when they announce perrin’s casting:

[agoldenlily-archive]

@jcyfulmess​

“ you aren’t going to send me back, are you? “ she questions, her hands coming to clasp together nervously. she really does hope that her unnerved reaction will be enough to convince Moiraine that she did feel badly for slipping out of the White Tower after her. light, but she had been curious! after all Moiraine had been walking through the halls with that Warder of hers at her side. there had surely been something important going on there. so why shouldn’t Elayne further seek out answers? she was who she was, did that change just because she was in Novice white?

“ I just wanted to make sure that you weren’t in trouble after all that messy business with Amyrlin. “ she sighs lightly. “ can I still come with you? all that they keep doing is telling me that I must learn but I’m not learning anything. honestly, I do think that I’d be much better off learning from you firsthand. “

[wotgifs]

joannalannister:

They were soldiers, each in their own way.

[hazelcephalopod]

The Eye of the World Ch 34-35

The Team bad Luck (Rand and Mat) whump continues! Then it some relief is finally found. Not a lot but some!

Longer one under the cut but probably not the longest so far.

Disclaimer: this is my first read thru but I’ve watched all of the show this far and been spoiled on some book things. So… I’m going to lean into that. Enjoy figuring out what I know, and what I think I know, and what I just don’t. Also s/x I add commentary when I edit.

Spoilers for the first book and up to the most recent episode under the cut. Potential spoilers for latter books.

Ch 34

Rand POV

…honestly I’m a bit worried about Egwene and Perrin

It’s only been three fucking days since that?!!

Yes. It feels like a year to me and I’m just readin it

Also in Carysford

Honestly the paranoia just not unfounded. Like unreliable narrator aside these kids have been chased, for what feels like weeks, by actual monsters. People. And plagued by nightmares which may also affect reality. Yup, some paranoia seems like a normal response to that

Shit river they got there

Huh. These kids really are from the middle of nowhere. Like it’s /Andor/ mostly wilderness. /technically Andor but everyone basically forgets that/

Early book: people are just people everywhere (hopeful). Mid book: People are just people everywhere (ominous).

Now it’s Mats turn to resume breaking down.

Rand and May are probably in the “danger of becoming unhealthily codependent” zone. But what are ya going to do?

Oof. Mats not even convinced they’ll get to Caemlyn

We really missed out on so much uh… sadness and sleeping in haystacks in the show. I’m not actually complaining, like a couple things would’ve been nice to see and I don’t mind reading this but it’s. It’s just pitiful. And long.

Like… this is two homeless teenagers hitchhiking through the States being wronged by adults at every other turn “bad times”

Rand trying to scratch his back having woken up sleeping in a hay stack- “It was while he had one hand down the back of his neck and the other tied up behind him that he became aware of the people.” That is horrifying.

I’m really starting to think the being watched stuff does in fact be settings some stuff up.

Luckily it’s outside on the road, not like around the haystack looking at them. Which I’d assumed by this point

Yea dragon watchers.

‘Haha yes that is why we go to Caemlyn. To see the.. the dragon.’

Ah we’ve reached the travelers are a nuisance part of the country

Everyone sucks!

Rand almost just lost an eye to a carriage drivers whip

Ah Karens

At least the guards do not care

Oh boy is there! At least there will be, not exclusively of course

Tingling again. The tingling is rarely good

Innkeeper- Raimun Holdwin

Almun Bunt, man in cart who noticed Holdwins of conversation too

Oh great. The old enemy, doing evil boringly. Spreading lies, placing bounties, etc.

Like a fox in the henhouse.

Elaida, some Aes Sedai advisor(?) to the Queen in Caemlyn

Yes the tradition, which sounds old is not a problem until right now when things start going badly. And like I’m for questioning tradition. But dude, really, you just don’t get or like Ses Sedai. We got it. Thnx for the ride, plz shut up

Wait… are these people important? So Queen(?) Morgase, Elaida Sedai, Lady Elayne -pretty sure I’ve heard of her uh elsewhere-, Lord Gawyn (familiar), the not Prince Luc (dead), Princess(?) Tigraine (vanished when she was supposed to take the throne). Taringail Damodred, husband of the last queen (?), but not Prince Consort(?) (dead).

Cairhein is the nation that the Aiel don’t like. Now.

Lol. No thought at all that maybe she can channel this Lady Elayne.

“The heron-marked sword lay on the table between them [Rand and Tam]…” -Rand’s dream.

“The queen is wed to the land, but the Dragon… the Dragon is one with the land, and the land is one with the Dragon.” -Rand’s dream, being told to him by juggling unconcerned dream!Thom

Then he sees a Fade with Moiraine and Lan’s heads hanging from its saddle and Mat, Perrin, and Egwene bound and being forced to follow it. “Not her!” -Rand. The Fade burns Egwene. Thom repeats: “The Dragon is one with the land, and the land is one with the Dragon.”

Then he seems to wake, but a raven tells him “You are mine.” And stabs him in the eye with its beak.

Bunt you are a strange man.

Ch 35

Rand POV

‘Yay a city! Ahhh a city, a massive bustling city!’

Caemlyn was built by Ogier? Neat!

How are you going to hide in a massive crowd of people? I’m sure you’ll find out soon enough. But it’s a roll of the dice at first

Rand sees it!

‘Caemlyn the city of dreams!’

Interesting that the main road in entering the city is indeed wide. Wonder if roads will get narrower further in?

“What they did not see, they could ignore; what they did not see was not really there.” -teotw (Rand) on the people in Caemlyn who appear to ignore the lack of spring this year so far.

Narrower side street! Still enough for a cart and more

Dude you’re asking this now? Isn’t ignorance bliss at this point? You’ve already take them this time if they are thieves it’s a bit late

See back to the old adage ‘I don’t know and I suppose I don’t want to; plz stay away from me. I have a family’

So the boys are sharing brain cells and immune system cells

Ya I doubt he’s gonna do that. Good advice tho

Did… Thom didn’t say anything about red and black Ajah outside Rand’s fever dream did he?

“Rand grabbed Mat’s collar in a fist that he was trying hard to keep from trembling. He needed Mat.” -after Mat (again) starts to doubt everything and express his hopelessness. (Wtf am I supposed to do with that I? /wearing shipping goggles/)

Who will win? The cursed anxious optimist or the cursed depressed pessimist? Both are very paranoid, traumatized, and stubborn but in many -but not all- opposite ways

“Please don’t let us be alone.” -Rand’s thoughts

Ok. “Queen’s men” is a phrase that keeps being used and I think it implies something bigger about the world or something. Idk what tho… civil war brewing maybe?

Tbh I’ve been wondering where the sex workers were. Like… they gotta exist still here right? I’m sry but they must

Relics of Logain? Really? The guy can not have been active more than, what? A year or two? No. That’s nothing; ignore that, I’m confident they at least know this and otherwise they don’t have money

Well Rand knew.

Plz just avoid the cursed Whitecloaks

Dude just do that yourself. You have the means, I’m sure, to cover the mark somehow. He’s gonna do that eventually isn’t he?

…Almost immediately did that.

So what does the red mean? And the white? Sure it means something… wait

Probably Mat. Probably

Mm yup. That tracks. Have to get the tension right and whatever

Dude. I’ve got news. They’ll always going to be more people in the cities.

The pattern ‘oh thank fuck he figured out to cover the mark. Finally! Now he can go to the inn’

Found- The Queen’s Blessing. Inkeeper Basal Gill (fat, thankfully)

Just believing Thoms dead now. Well… suppose that does track regrettable

“I’ll believe he’s dead when I see a corpse.” -Gill when informed of Thom’s death.

Lol Gill ‘it Aes Sedai bs isn’t it? Always is with Thom and young men.’ (There’s no good way to say that so there. Do whatever you like with that I guess)

Lol. Sure no channelers here Gill. None at all. /s

Dude giving them shit beds and shit food is a miracle at this point free or not. Now what do you want?

Finally. Someone whose like ‘Aes Sedai? Sure they suck but they are not the most pressing problem by far’

Huh. The state supports the Aes Sedai here. Interesting. Makes sense but interesting how many common people don’t -tho also makes sense.

Wtf did Thom do to upset the literal Queen?

Thom? Thom was famous across the lands? That guy?

He did mention the courtyard thing but not, like in the royal palace, I don’t think

Damn Thom. Really probably *knew* and then pissed off a queen and an Aes Sedai. Respect the loyalty to family tho

Ha! They remember (I quickly learn Gill agrees)

[neuxue]

Wheel of Time liveblogging: The Gathering Storm ch 29

There are just so many different ways in which this could go so catastrophically wrong.

Chapter 29: Into Bandar Eban

Oh okay cool this is great we’re in Rand’s head for the first time since The Last That Could Be Done and not only are we in his POV but we’re actually right in one of his thoughts and that thought is:

Moiraine Damodred, who died because of my weakness.

So this is a good start.

I am actually genuinely excited to see Rand’s POV after…that. Because I like seeing characters tortured and I like seeing characters in pain and I also like seeing what happens when they’re pushed too far, and when all of that snaps. And this has been coming for so, so long.

The gates were said to be carved with the city’s seal, but swung open as they were, Rand couldn’t see them.

No gates, no barriers, nothing stands in his way anymore – at least, not that he can see, from where he stands now. He’s crossed the last threshold and so there is nothing to hold him back.

I have a weakness for this kind of not-quite-subtle double-meaning symbolism.

The list ran through his head. Almost a daily ritual now, the name of every woman who had died by his hand or because of his actions. The street inside the city was of packed earth, lined with ruts that crisscrossed at the intersections. The dirt was lighter here than he was used to.

Colavaere Saighan, who died because I made her a pauper.

I like how the description of the list and the descriptions of the city are alternated and placed side-by-side, without even so much as a paragraph break when we switch from one to another; it’s a juxtaposition that gives us a chilling insight into his mindset. It’s all just fact to him now, just observation of the state of things. Reported in the same emotionless tone, because nothing matters now. He has pushed through pain and into a void colder and more emotionless than what he knew before, a state of cuendillar, of unfeeling darkness and apathy deep enough to let him reach the True Source.

And then we go straight into the list itself, continuing in his mind beside all the rest, and still there is no shift in tone. It’s all just…chilling, apathetic monotone. The whole world nothing more than a set of observations and plain statements.

The list always began with Moiraine.

As his story does, in so many ways. She was there at the beginning; she heard the announcement of his birth and she led him from Emond’s Field. So I suppose it’s appropriate…but if it begins with her, and she is not truly dead, what does that mean for the list when he finds out she’s alive?

(What sort of data structure is this list, anyway?)

He hated himself for allowing her to sacrifice herself for him.

And still he doesn’t see the contradiction inherent in that sentence: if she sacrificed herself, he allowed nothing. The choice was hers. But that’s something he’s never quite learned – and I think in a way it ties into how he views his own fate. He tries to take responsibility for everything, but he also doesn’t believe he truly has any choices left; he doesn’t believe in his own agency, but he’s also desperately afraid of truly accepting his fate and his past in case it means sharing in Lews Therin’s doom. So there’s a whole mess here when it comes to recognising and even possessing agency, both for himself and for everyone around him.

A child stepped off the boardwalk and started to run out into the street, but his father caught him by the hand and hauled him back into the press of people. Some coughed and muttered, but most were silent. The sounds of Rand’s troops marching on the packed earth seemed a thunder by comparison.

This stands in excellent contrast to Rand first entering Cairhien after the battle, which began with a sense of wary silence as well but then broke into shouting, praise, gratitude, and a sense of salvation. People pressing in to touch him or to see. Here…there’s one flicker of movement towards him, but it is arrested; it’s almost a perfect opposite. Cairhien was initial despair and wariness breaking into a wave surging forwards; this is initial movement forwards halting and falling back into wary silence.

There were no cheers from the people on those boardwalks. Well, he had not come to liberate. He had come to do what must be done.

So he sees it too. The opposite of Cairhien, where he came to liberate and wanted so badly to not destroy further. But that was a long time ago. That was before Moiraine, and before…so much else.

It’s almost eerie how strongly this calls up the memory of that scene, though, from so many books ago.

Oddly, Lews Therin started to chant with him, reading off the names, a strange, echoing chant inside his head.

Is he passing this list across the barrier he’s still holding between them, the way he seems to have done with other things he can’t deal with, ever since the voice began to manifest? Initially it was Lews Therin’s memories themselves that Rand tried to push away, trying to restore a barrier that had begun to erode between his life now and his life before, but it sometimes seems like he’s pushed other things away as well and they’ve ended up on that side of this barrier he’s holding – so is he subconsciously doing the same with the list? Pushing it away, to the other side of that barrier along with everything else he can’t afford to feel or think or focus on, or anything else he can’t let himself accept or know?  He’s killed a woman now and won’t hold himself back anymore from doing so again, so he starts to shift the list away, across the barrier, along with everything else – like trust – that he’s left behind.

I suppose it’s fitting, in a way; I still tend to think Rand’s extreme aversion to killing women and his use of that as a final line in the sand comes in part from the fact that Lews Therin was pushed over his own breaking point by the realisation that he had killed Ilyena, so Rand giving this list ‘back’ in some ways brings it full circle. It’s also a sad moment of…unity, I suppose, between these sides of himself (‘so many parts of him, mind splintered in glittering shards, all screaming’), but I don’t think unity in the form of shared self-flagellation is really the solution here.

I do still very much want to see what happens to this barrier; Chapter 22 was very much a breaking point for Rand, but it doesn’t seem to have had any effect on the division in his mind, and that barrier just seems like another thing that is under so much pressure – a dam holding back everything he can’t think about, everything he can’t accept, so much that has the potential to break him – and what happens when it can’t hold? Or can he find a way to drop it himself? He’s let go or pushed away or torn off so many parts of himself; where else to start anew than by accepting some of them back; letting go of this fight against himself?

Though what could possibly incentivise him to do that, at this point, is anyone’s guess. That’s the problem with moral event horizons, especially when a character has set their own: once crossed, there’s little reason, in that character’s mind, to even try to turn back.

“I deliver to you the city of Bandar Eban. Order has been restored, as you commanded.”

“I asked you to restore order to the entire country, Dobraine,” Rand said softly. “Not just one city.”

It’s the ‘softly’ that makes this so chilling. We’ve seen Rand lose his temper, and we’ve seen him shout, but this just continues the same dispassionate, eerie calm that came with the True Power and hasn’t lifted.

On another note, Dobraine being the one to hand Rand Bandar Eban is rather fitting with how so much of this is an inverted echo of Rand’s entry into Cairhien. It’s a little thing, but it ties this first scene together well.

He had always been stalwart, but was that a ruse? […] Dared Rand trust anyone from Cairhien, with their games? 

Moiraine was Cairhienin. I trusted her. Mostly.

Trust has been thoroughly left behind at this point. Or passed across the barrier to Lews Therin, perhaps.

But that part about Moiraine…even if it ends in the rather ominous ‘mostly’, it suggest that there’s still a part of him, a small part, that recognises that he’s gone too far. A part of him that seems almost afraid, or at least uncertain of where he now stands and what he has become. It lets us hold on to that little bit of hope that he might be able to come back from this, that he can find a way up from this lowest of low points…but it also makes the whole thing even more horrifying, in a way. Because that means that some part of him this side of the barrier with Lews Therin can recognise that, and so is watching helpless as this plays out, almost the way Rand was trapped in his own mind, unable to do anything but watch in horror as he strangled Min.

Most of that, I think, has been pushed across to Lews Therin, but some remains. Perhaps.

Each name on Rand’s list pained him, but that pain was a strange, distant thing now. His feelings were…different since the day he had killed Semirhage. She had taught him how to bury his guilt and his heart. She had thought to chain him, but instead had given him strength.

Oh, Rand, no.

Now he’s echoing himself when he was released from the prison in Far Madding – when he smiled slightly but not in a way that showed any sort of warmth, and said Far Madding had taught him something valuable. He used his time there to flay himself with his list, to use it to try to harden himself, and saw the pain as a lesson and a forge. And now he’s thinking of Semirhage in the same way – thinking of an even more horrifying imprisonment as a lesson, as something he could almost be grateful to the way he claims to be grateful to Far Madding.

He added her name and Elza’s name to the list. They didn’t have any right to be on there. Semirhage was less a woman and more a monster. Elza had betrayed him, serving the Shadow all along. But he added the names.

Yeah that’s perfectly normal and healthy.

He fingered the object he carried in a pouch on his saddle. It was a smooth figurine.

Okay that is decidedly not healthy either for him or probably for anyone in the immediate vicinity. Or even the non-immediate vicinity. This can only end well…

So Cadsuane found a loophole in his sentence of exile. I don’t know whether this will end well or badly but I’m sort of glad she’s there, because she’s one of the few people with the guts to challenge him.

Though challenging an unfettered Rand while he’s holding the key to the Choedan Kal is roughly akin to challenging an unstable nuclear warhead, so. There’s that.

(Or maybe more like challenging an unstable leader with a finger on the nuclear button, but let’s just…back away from that analogy slowly and without making eye contact).

Death no longer worried him. Finally, he understood Lews Therin’s cries to let it end. Rand deserved to die. Was there a death so strong that a man would never have to be reborn?

Um.

I mean first of all, obviously, ow, but also are you sure that’s your own thought, Rand? Because thinking he deserves death sounds like him but that last bit…and even the first part…sounds a little more like something that follows out of ‘When you are victorious, it only leads to another battle. When he is victorious, all things will end. Can you not see that there is no hope for you?’ There is no hope, says the Betrayer of Hope, no way out, nothing but more fighting, again and again…and maybe Rand’s just reached a point where he believes that too, now; where he sees the only way out as an ending where he doesn’t have to return, even if in his mind it’s the Light victorious and not the Shadow. But also, they are linked, he and Moridin, and I wonder…

I suppose in a way it doesn’t matter where the thought originates, or rather, the confusion is itself part of the point: it’s no longer possible to tell Rand apart, in his thoughts, from the one who is supposedly his greatest enemy. It’s no longer possible to truly distinguish between the two sides, at least in their thoughts.

And while on the one hand that’s as terrifying as it’s meant to be, it also carries this feeling of great tragedy: that these two have been so utterly consumed by the forces they represent that there’s nothing left to them of themselves. That their own thoughts align because all they want, either of them, is a way for it to end, because that is the only freedom left to them.

I don’t know that either cares anymore, really, about their side winning. Rand is fighting for the Light but no longer for any purpose beyond necessity; he just wants to reach the Last Battle and then it can end (he can end). Moridin…if he believes truly in what he said, then there is no reason for him to want the Shadow’s triumph unless he wants that ending – the only way out that he can see.

And yet here they are, bringing Light and Shadow against each other for a great battle to define the future of the world, and yet neither cares anymore except as a way to make it all stop. But they can’t walk away – Rand because that would mean defeat of the Light and he is determined to see this through even if he no longer has anything to fight for and no longer believes he has a choice, and Moridin because…walking away would mean victory for the light, which he believes only leads to another battle, which means he has to do this again.

Not surprising then, I suppose, that they would then have similar thoughts about death and endings here. Especially given the link between them.

No don’t you dare put Min’s name on the list. She’s not dead, for one thing. Then again, neither is Moiraine…

There was no safety. If she died, he would add her to the list and suffer for it.

I don’t know that there’s any response beyond ‘yikes’ for something like that, so….yikes.

Rains came often here; Bandar Eban was the prime port city of the northwest. If it wasn’t a great city like those in the south, it was still impressive.

Oh, hello Seattle.

Rand was glad to find that the Sea Folk rakers had arrived – finally – with grain from the south. Hopefully, that would do as much to restore order as Dobraine and the Aiel had.

Also hopefully it will do something to reduce those signs of starvation you literally just mentioned…but Rand is far beyond thinking of the humanitarian reasons at this point. It’s all necessity and strategy and tactics. Before, he hated himself for even thinking of those things alongside the fact that it would help keep people from starving. Now, they’re the only things that make it into his thoughts at all.

A horse clopped up beside Rand. At first, he assumed it would be Min – but no, she was riding behind, with the Wise Ones. Did she look at him differently now, or was he just imagining it? Did she remember his fingers at her throat every time she saw his face?

This one hurts because, unlike some of his suspicion and paranoia (some but not all; when the embodiment of chaos and entropy is out to get you, you’re allowed a little wariness), it’s a very fair question. How could she not? It’s not his fault, and she knows that and she loves him, but it was his hands on her neck and his face over hers and that’s not an easy thing to just…dismiss.

Poor Min. Poor Rand. Such delicious pain.

“This exile, it is foolish, Rand al’Thor,” Merise said dismissively. Was she intentionally trying to rile him, perhaps to make him easier to bully? After months of dealing with Cadsuane herself, this woman’s pale imitation was almost amusing. 

“You should beg for her forgiveness,” Merise continued.

What’s interesting here is that it seems almost as if those around Rand don’t realise just how much he’s changed. Whereas the reader, watching this through his eyes, can tell that we’re worlds away from just a few chapters ago, and there’s this sense of ‘no, no, don’t say that; run away; this is not what you’re used to’ towards Merise. Everything has changed, but to the rest it may look like yet another small step, and they’ve seen those before. It’s interesting in particular because it’s an almost perfect inverse of how we’re often shown changes through outsider POV, or else through Rand’s POV but in his confusion at the changes in how people react to him, because he doesn’t recognise them in himself, or recognise the extent to which they’re visible andterrifying.

Here, though, he’s the one who has stepped over his own last line, into this new unfettered territory of apathy and emptiness, and it’s a change he recognises and makes use of, because he…defined it.

“Well?” Merise asked. 

Rand turned his head and looked Merise in the eyes. He had discovered something shocking during the last few hours. By bottling up the seething fury within him – by becoming cuendillar – he had gained an understanding that had long eluded him. 

People did not respond to anger. They did not respond to demands. Silence and questions, these were far more effective. Indeed, Merise – a fully trained Aes Sedai – wilted before that stare.

Everything is different for him now, and he’s very aware of that, in ways he hasn’t been before, and this time it’s everyone else who hasn’t fully realised. Who still thinks it’s more or less the previous status quo…until he turns that gaze on them.

So as the reader, sharing his head, you expect everyone to be keeping their distance, or to be approaching him very differently than before, if at all. Because it’s such a stark change – a much more immediate and striking change than the gradual, creeping ones we’ve seen in Rand before. Even his first POV after Dumai’s wells – surprising though expected in how much he had changed, how little trust was left to him – was less striking than this. And I think a lot of that is because of this…self-awareness. Rand knows he’s crossed that last line, knows exactly where he’s gone: past the point he set as a point of no return, into irredeemability and monstrosity where it no longer matters, so he is free to do whatever he deems necessary.

But it’s not yet clear to everyone else what that line was, and what it means that he’s crossed it. Merise  doesn’t realise that there’s been a massive paradigm shift here, and so ist’s unnerving to watch, much the same way – and yet opposite – that it was unnerving to watch Rand not realise why people looked at him differently at various points much earlier. Or even to watch others respond to Rand in their own POV in a way that contrasted so sharply with how he saw himself in his own thoughts. Only now it’s…flipped. He sees a change, and the rest of them don’t.

It’s very well done.

His rage, his anger, his passion – it was all still there, buried within. But he had surrounded it with ice, cold and immobilising. It was the ice of the place Semirhage had taught him to go, the place that was like the void, but far more dangerous.

Yeah, the place that is like the void but allows you to touch the True Power. The place that is like the Void but brings you to a point where you can access the Dark One’s own power. Where you can reach out to the very thing you’re trying to defeat, because you have reached a mindset that is compatible with it. Does this not seem like maybe a void you want to avoid?

(Okay sorry I’ll go sit over in the bad pun corner).

Merise still doesn’t seem to get it. It’s such an effective way of highlighting what’s going on here, and showing just how much has changed and how far Rand has gone, and how different that step was from the rest – no longer a building of all that tension but a step off the edge of a cliff – to show him interacting with someone who doesn’t see it, who doesn’t realise what exactly he’s done. Because it feels like an interaction that belongs to a different age entirely, to a different character…and yet it’s the difference of days. Of moments. And that highlights and emphasises the impact, and makes this whole thing all the more frightening.

“Do you think that failures should be unpunished?” Rand asked, voice still soft. Why had he lost his temper? These little annoyances were not worth his passion, his fury.

Merise is only beginning to see that things are Different Now, but to Rand…it’s a world apart. It’s a new perspective, one that feels enlightened but is so very much not, and it’s horrifying and chilling and excellent.

I have waited eleven books for this and I am savouring every moment.

If one bothered him too much, all he needed to do was snuff it out, like a candle.

And there’s nothing holding him back from that, now. That’s the thing about moral event horizons. They open up whole new realms of possibility because there’s no reason not to. Nothing worth saving in himself, because he’s already gone. So why hold back? Why have qualms? Annoyances suddenly seem trivial because dealing with them once was a challenge without the unfettered ability to kill anything that bothered him, but now? Why get irritated when you can just…make it stop? When you have godlike power in your hands and no scruples left?

Yeah. This Is Fine.

A dangerous thought. Had it been his? Had it been Lews Therin’s? Or…had the thought come from…elsewhere?

And what’s more worrying: that it came from elsewhere, or that you don’t know if it was yours or not, because there’s so little difference?

“Do you realise her mistake, Merise? Have you considered what could have happened? What should have happened?”

“I – ”

“The end of all things, Merise,” he whispered. “The Dark One with control of the Dragon Reborn. The two of us, fighting on the same side.”

Well, I mean…how far are you from that, now? That’s the point, isn’t it; it’s what Cadsuane herself said: if he goes to the Last Battle as he is, his victory could be as dark as his defeat. He has touched the power of the Shadow, has left all care for life and hope for light behind; all that’s left is the task of winning.

And now Merise gets it. Just about.

Oh cool and balconies full of people fall, and I sort of…doubt they’re balanced by random events of great fortune, this time. The balance is gone.

So about that whole fighting on the same side thing.

Could he be sure it wasn’t due to some interaction with the new force? That unseen yet tempting well of power Rand had tapped, used, and enjoyed? Lews Therin thought what happened should have been impossible.

The original reason mankind had bored into the Dark One’s prison had been power. A new source of energy for channelling, like the One Power, but different. Unknown and strange, and potentially vast. That source of power had turned out to be the Dark One himself.

Lews Therin whimpered.

Because Rand can’t let himself feel that fear; it can’t penetrate the ice he’s surrounded himself with, and so it gets pushed away to Lews Therin, and Rand is left with nothing but the dispassionate speculation about that power and its effects. There is worry there, and fear, but he can’t let them be his.

That other force called to him, sang to him, tempted him. So much power, so much divine wonder. But it terrified him. He didn’t dare touch it, not again.

It’s interesting that he admits ‘it terrified him’, but this is where I think he’s made a separation between actually feeling the full force of that fear and knowing in a sort of intellectual way that it’s something to fear, something he should not touch. He keeps the latter, but the former is left to Lews Therin.

Also the use of the word ‘divine’ is interesting; I don’t recall seeing that before, but I could be mistaken.

And so he carried the key. He was not certain which of the two sources of energy was more dangerous, but as long as both called to him, he was able to resist both.

Oh there’s no way this could possibly go wrong.

It’s fitting, though; he is at war against himself, divided against himself. Two wounds in his side, fighting each other as much as him. And now two opposing sources of devastating power, calling to him, so he pits those twin desires against each other. He is in so many ways divided, in so many ways at war. And it can’t hold.

Once, he hadn’t dared carry it for fear of what it offered. He no longer had room to indulge such weakness.

I wouldn’t consider not wanting to destroy the world a weakness…

(Then again look at how climate change advocates or environmentalists are regarded).

Anyway, this is exactly it: he can’t ‘indulge’ his fear anymore – fear is a restraining factor, after all, and he has let go of those, crossed all those lines – so he pushes it away. So Lews Therin cries, but Rand just pits two forces against each other and moves on.

Rand halted Tai’daishar, then surveyed his new home.

We have no home, Lews Therin whispered. We destroyed it. Burned it away, melted to slag, like sand in a fire.

The guy sure knows how to kill a conversation.

But there’s topiary, so everything’s fine.

That made him think of Aviendha. Wherehadshe gone, so suddenly? He could feel her through the bond, but it was faint – she was very far away. To the east. What business was there for her in the Waste?

RHUIDEAAAANNNNNNNNN.

Perhaps he would be able to keep himself from hurting her before death came.

That’s what he’s reduced to, now. That’s all he can even try to hope for. Once, he was determined not to use anyone. Not to use his friends. Not to hurt his friends. Not to lose himself completely. Not to…

His enemies didn’t know of her yet.

Uh, Rand? I think Lanfear, at least, is very awareof Aviendha’s existence.

He dismounted, plucking the statuette from its strap and sliding it into the oversized pocket of his coat, which had been quickly tailored to hold it.

I think I speak for anyone who wears clothing marketed to women when I say that I, too, would like to have my clothing quickly tailored to include large pockets whenever I need to hold something.

After living in several palaces, he was still impressed. And disgusted. The opulence he found beyond the manor’s front doors would never have indicated that the people of the city starved.

He’s still able to feel that;  he just can’t let it truly touch him anymore. He still has something of a functioning moral compass, it’s just that he has no limits anymore. We’re into pure ends-justify-the-means territory, where the ends have been reduced to ‘drag the world to Tarmon Gai’don and win at any cost’. There’s no reason, no end or aim or goal beyond that. There’s no cause to fight for; there’s just a fight to win, and it doesn’t matter what it takes to get there. Or, it does – he still hates himself for what he does and what he may have to do – but he’ll do any of it anyway, if necessary.

“Gather your armsmen. Narishma has been instructed to provide a gateway for you to Tear.”

“Tear, my Lord?” Dobraine asked, surprised.

‘Thanks for the country, now go get me that one.’ And I thought my boss was demanding.

When Lews Therin is telling you you need to be less suspicious of people, you know you have a problem. Then again, Lews Therin used to be the one screaming never to trust…he taks on whatever qualities Rand can’t let himself hold, which means there have been some…reversals…over the last several books.

He wasa good man. Rand knew he was.

Light, what is happening to me? Rand thought. I need to trust some people. Don’t I?

Trust…? Lews Therin whispered.Yes, perhaps we can trust him. He cannot channel. Light, the one we cannot trust at all is ourselves…

How many of you are you including in that?

But this is just it: Rand can see what he’s doing, can feel himself changing, can tell that some of it at least is too much, going too far, but he can’t stop it. And so Lews Therin, once the voice of madness and memories Rand couldn’t accept, becomes the voice of reason and restraint Rand can no longer allow.

“I need an audience chamber,” Rand said to the servants below, “and a throne. Quickly.”

Once, he would not have asked for the throne.

He hadn’t expected [Milisair Chadmar] to be so young, barely into her thirties.

It would be a shame to execute her.

Just one day, he thought to himself, and already I think of executing a woman for not agreeing to follow me. There was a time when I could barely stand to execute deserving criminals. But he would do what must be done.

That sums it all up, really. He knows what he’s doing, and hates himself for it, and knows how far he’s gone from who he once was. He doesn’t want to execute this woman, or anyone else. But none of that matters now. What he wants or doesn’t want, what he believes is right or wrong – none of it matters against what must be done. He’s been moving in that direction for a while, believing more and more that what he wants doesn’t matter, that the Pattern needs the Dragon Reborn, and he doesn’t get to want things or keep parts of himself that are demanded by that, but this is the final state of it, in a sense. Where it doesn’t matter at all what the shepherd named Rand al’Thor wants to do or desperately doesn’t want to do; where it doesn’t matter where his own moral compass points.

There’s an interesting irony in this, that I’ll try to put into coherent words. He’s reached a point where he no longer has anything holding him back, where he can do anything at all. Freedom, of a sort, to act as he will. And yet the way he has gained that ‘freedom’ is by giving up any last sense at all of his own free will or choice, his ability to want things or to act on those wants, to choose that he will notdo something simply because it hurts, or feels wrong to him, or might damn him. So he’s gained complete freedom by relinquishing all agency. Which is no freedom at all, of course.

Rand was neither subtle nor crafty. He was a sheepherder turned conqueror

That’s an excellent turn of phrase. A sheepherder turned conqueror. There’s something terrible in that, and it suits the tone of the rest of this chapter. Vast power held in dispassionate phrasing, in straightforward thought with no emotion, but a distant sense that something is terribly wrong.

“There is need to find Alsalam,” Rand said, “or at least discover what happened to him.”

Graendal. That’s what happened to him. So uh…good luck with that.

“We need to know his fate so that you can choose a new king. That is how it happens, correct?”

“I’m certain you can be crowned quickly, my Lord Dragon,” she said smoothly.

“I will not be king here,” Rand said.

So much power, handled so nonchalantly in so few words. It’s like a stripped-down version of the other cities or nations Rand has claimed in various capacities. He walks in, turns down the crown, and that’s that. Because he isa conqueror now, and one of such power that this is just a matter of course – there’s no point in them trying to resist him; there’s not much they could do. If he wanted the crown, he would take it. But he doesn’t, so he won’t. That’s all, next?

Rand caught a glimpse of Min standing outside with the Aiel, watching the merchant depart. He caught her eyes, and she looked troubled. Had she seen any viewings about Milisair?

Oh, Rand, it’s not Milisair who troubles her.

He sat back down. Min could wait.

Wow. That’s…a change. So much of this chapter is; it does a very, very good job of conveying just how far that step across that final line took him. And all through things like this, through these casual thoughts and the complete lack of emotion and only hints of an awareness that this is very very wrong, and the destructive potential he wields so lightly…

Before, we watched him change gradually – sometimes more sharply, sometimes less – over the course of eleven books. But now it’s a jolt – abrupt and jarring and perfect. The Last That Could Be Done was not just another step along a path. There was a finality there; something snapped rather than stretching, and so there’s no easing into a new mindset, no gradual hardening. This is it. We’re here, and this is the last that could be done, and there isn’t anywhere further to go. It may get darker in terms of deed, but in terms of mindset…there’s nothing more to let go of, is there?

He would see the people fed, restore order and gather the Council of Merchants. He would even see that a new king was chosen.

But hopefully not Chosen.

He’ll see out the bureaucracy of it; he’ll go through the motions and make sure people are fed, but that’s not the point. Again, it’s not about whether or not he has a sense of moral direction, but about whether or not there’s anything at all that can hold him back from doing anything at all that he deems necessary, whatever the cost.

But he would also find out where Alsalam had gone. For there, his instincts said, was the best place to find Graendal. It was his best lead

If he did find her, he would see that she died by balefire, just like Semirhage. He would do what must be done.

And how chilling is that? Because at this point, he’s not going to care about collateral damage. Or rather, he’ll accept it as necessary, if he deems it so. No limits, in achieving the necessary ends.

Next (TGS ch 30) Previous (TGS ch 28)

[isabelpsaroslunnen]

CS Lewis, of all people, described my #1 type when it comes to reading/watching/writing female characters:

She was proud and could be hard enough but she was true as steel.

This comes from his description of one of my childhood favorites, Aravis Tarkheena of Calormen, but I was also thinking about how well it describes Moiraine, and I suspect it’s part of the reason WOT has always spoken to me.

[astrometriia]

Balefire the block! Let's see....Moiraine x Siuan, Prank!

Moiraine pulls a face at the sack she is carrying between her hands, the material soggy. While the fish only have a faint odor, having been freshly caught that morning, It’s a wonder they haven’t drawn a horde of Accepted to them yet. She immediately banishes such thoughts from her mind, fervently hoping their luck will hold. It has so far, but her nerves feel frayed beyond belief.

Somewhere up ahead, Siuan is a dark shadow, only the moon’s faint light providing them with enough illumination to see by. The taller woman moves with a confidence Moiraine envies before she stops outside of a door, presses her ear against it, then waves Moiraine closer.

Sticking her arms out in front of her, Moiraine approaches, her bare feet hardly making a sound upon the cold stones. “What if we get in trouble?” she mutters, voice low. This does not seem at all like the sort of behavior appropriate of a novice. She still can’t believe she let Siuan talk her into this!

“No one will ever know it was us,” she replies, pushing the door open a crack. The room is empty, thankfully, so Moiraine sighs in relief

Siuan gestures for the sack, which Moiraine hands over eagerly before wiping her hands on her sides. Despite her disgust, she watches Siuan with interest, her eyebrows rising as the woman shoves the fish beneath the mattress.

“It will be a day or two before they start to smell, and it will drive Sheriam mad until she finds them,” Siuan whispers, turning back to her. “It’s a simple prank, but a good one.”

Her smile is absolutely wicked, and it makes Moiraine’s heart beat a little faster. Not from fear, no, but from something else. She isn’t quite sure what it is, but she will admit that there is a… thrill… to this she did not expect when Siuan first dragged her out here in the middle of the night. And, she has to admit, the prank is a good one.

Siuan takes her hand in hers, leading her out. Moiraine is surprised at herself for not minding that Siuan was touching fish moments ago. In fact, her fingers tighten around the other woman’s hand, curling.

She shoots her another smile, this time softer. “See? That wasn’t so bad, was it? We should plan out our next prank soon.”

Moiraine cannot help but laugh, quickly burying her face into Siuan’s shoulder to stifle it. And when Siuan wraps an arm around her, leading them back to their rooms, it just feels so right.

Perhaps playing pranks won’t be such a bad idea, after all.

[astrometriia]

Asmodean/Moiraine, College AU

The tip of his tongue peeked out through coffee-stained teeth while he pored over music theory notes twenty minutes before his final, trying not to think of what might happen should he not score a hundred percent, but the very thought was enough to make the papers gripped in his hands start shaking, and his insides twist uncomfortably, like he might sick up at any moment.

He was suddenly aware of Miranda, sitting practically hip-to-hip beside him on the bench–only because they shared the bench with so many of their other classmates frantically going over their own notes, or already planning what they’d be doing over summer vacation–lean closer, her cool-eyed gaze glancing over his notes then up at him, before she pulled back and arched a finely-chiseled eyebrow.

“Don’t worry so much about your final grade, Andy. Whatever happens now is out of your hands,” she said in that infuriatingly calm voice, as if she was blind to his bloodshot eyes, clammy hands and rumpled clothes. She might as well be, the way she wasn’t even looking at him anymore. (He was honestly surprised that he wanted her to look at him again, almost as much as he wanted her to stop looking at him.)

Shaking his head to clear it of such a dizzying–and ludicrous!–thought process, his gaze flitted back down to his notes. But then he felt something brush the back of his hand and started, realizing she’d laid her hand on his even though she was still looking straight ahead.

Tentatively, he squeezed her hand back–as an experiment, nothing more–and thought he caught the ghost of a smile flit across her face.

Interesting, he thought.

[astrometriia]

Moiraine, Nynaeve and Egwene by GrayinBlack