#ch: gordon ford

[alixinwwonderland]

@wonderlandleighleigh requested a follow-up for this fic, so here we go, just in time for whatever the hell 501-503 throws at us.

If you’ve been steering clear of season 5 reviews and spoilers, do not keep reading!

Midge isn’t sure whether she’s thrilled or furious when Dinah informs her that Lenny is, in fact, back in town and has been for a little while.

What she is sure of, however, is that whatever she saw in Susie’s office still has her severely freaked out, and that dominant emotion is what sends her to a club one night. When she walks in, she notes with concern the shabbiness of the chairs, the scuffed floors, the less-than-clean smells. It’s not a dive, exactly, but it’s certainly not Carnegie Hall, and it’s a little too close for comfort to a not-quite-a-memory that’s been roiling through her head since that day in Susie’s office.

She settles in, far enough from the stage that she feels confident she won’t be seen until she wants to be.

Lenny’s great (what else is new), but there’s something frenetic and almost jumpy about him that worries her. When his set is over, she has almost no time to plan her next move because there he is, appearing right in front of her.

“How’d you know i was here?” she asks, genuinely baffled this time.

He shrugs.

“I got your pigeon?” Off her glare, he amends, “I heard your laugh,” and her heart does that annoying leap it has taken to doing around him ever since he leaned against a hotel bar in miami and complimented her dick jokes.

Something in her face must give her away, though, because the smirk fades and is replaced by something more like concern.

“I can go, if you don’t want to-” He’s cut off by her grabbing his jacket cuff, an anchor to keep him there and to remind herself that he is, in fact, right there and not a ghost or a memory that will slip through her fingers at any second.

He studies her again.

“Midge? Everything okay?” And everything is very much, not okay, and she suddenly finds herself at a loss for words. She’s only able to shake her head. Instantly, her hand is enveloped in his, and he’s steering her out of the club and into a quiet alley, where the bite of the night air helps her shake off the cloud of terror that’s been following her around.

She looks at him.

“If I tell you something, promise me you won’t think I’m crazy,” she says. The two of them have always had that ability to be on each other’s wavelengths - it’s what’s made them so good at trading banter and building on each other’s jokes, but it’s also what has allowed them to both realize when there’s nothing to laugh at. And, thank god, Lenny seems to understand that this is one of those times, and simply nods, leaning back against the brick wall without taking his eyes off of her.

Midge takes a deep breath, then lets it out.

As the story flows out of her, she watches him closely. To his credit, he does little to give his reactions away, but somewhere along the line, she learned to read him as well as he can read her. She notes the twitch of humor in the corner of his mouth when she rattles off the famous men she married and divorced (and jilted). She sees his jaw clench just a little when she admits how she and Joel could never quite fucking let go of the past. She sees his eyes soften in sympathy when she chokes up as she narrates what happened with her kids, and worst of all, with Susie.

Then her vision goes dark as she finds her face pressed into dark fabric, his arms wrapping around her and his hand gently stroking her hair as she cries.

“And now you probably think I’m completely fucking crazy, and I’m just...” she loses the end of her sentence in another sob, and Lenny just chuckles softly.

“Sweetheart,” he says, the term of endearment tripping off his tongue so naturally, it’s as if he’s been saying it forever, “I already knew you were a little crazy. The best people all are.”

And that, at least, gets a wet giggle out of her, and she pulls back, trying in vain to restore some sense of dignity.

“At the risk of sounding self-serving, uh...” Lenny flounders. “Can I inquire as to where...”

Midge looks up to meet his eyes, and his mouth snaps shut.

“Ah. I see,” he says. “I suppose that’s not surprising. Can I ask-”

“August. ‘66.” she says, and they’re quiet for a minute. “I don’t meant to-”

“To... what?” he asks. She shrugs.

“I... I heard what you said. At Carnegie Hall. I don’t want you to think I pity you, or I’m trying to fix you, I don’t want you to-”

“You don’t want me to... what?”

“I don’t want you to... You know. Feel pressured to do something, or not do something, because some crazy lady told you that a magician gave her a vision of the future.”

Lenny rubs a hand over his face, and Midge is suddenly struck by how tired he looks.

“Well, it’s a moot point anyway,” he says. “Because I already did something - or decided not to do something for a change - because some very funny lady looked very sad and that just about broke what’s left of this shriveled organ I call a heart.”

She looks up at him.

“Do not mother me,” he says in warning. “I meant what I said. I don’t want your pity. Fix you, and let me worry about me while I do this.”

“I’m always going to worry about you, haven’t you figured that out by now?” Midge replies instantly, and despite the lightness of tone, there’s a truth there that earns a tired but real smile from him.

“So does this mean you believe me?” she asks. He shrugs.

“The way I see it, it doesn’t matter if Susie’s little weirdo actually did magic or if it all was in your head. You got a glimpse-”

“More than a fucking glimpse,” she mutters.

“-A look,” he amends, “Of a future you didn’t like very much. Right?”

Midge nods.

“Okay then. So then, do things differently.”

“You make it sound so easy,” she says, a little petulance in her voice that makes Lenny grin.

“You seem very stressed right now, so I won’t make the ‘easy’ joke that just sprung to mind,” he quips. It’s Midge’s turn to shrug.

“I wouldn’t mind. I probably thought of the same one.”

Lenny smiles at her.

“Drinks?” he asks. “That’s one vice they’ll have to pry from my cold dead hands.” Off Midge’s look, his face falls. “Sorry, I didn’t-”

“Drinks would be nice,” she says, and as they walk, she slips an arm through his.

postscript: one week later

"Midge! What can i do for you?” Gordon asks as Midge flounces into his office.

“So, here’s the deal, Gordon, and I want to make this very clear,” she says, sitting neatly on the chair across from his desk. “I am never, ever, under any circumstances, in this life or any other, going to sleep with you. I don’t care what arrangement you and Hedy have. But it is never going to involve me.”

Gordon’s mouth drops open.

“We’ve got two options, now.” She leans forward. “One: you get over your habit of thinking with your dick, realize that I’m actually really fucking funny, and let me do what I’m good at. Or, two - I walk right out that door and I don’t come back, and the next time you see me will be sending the ratings skyrocketing for Jack -”

“Don’t say it,” he grits. Midge smiles beatifically.

“So, option one, then?” she says, sweet as pie, and oh, this future is going to be fun.

[theresawritesstuff]

For the fanfic ask game (hope its ok i chose 3!): flight, silk, or tomato?

Always okay to pick multiple!

This is from a previously posted chapter (couldn't find anything coherent in anything upcoming unfortunately lol). Phone conversation between Midge and Gordon Ford* from Guess Who's Coming to Yom Kippur, ch 12.

*The Gordon Ford of Guess Who's Coming, although baring some similarities, is not to be confused with ShowGordon and has asked me to make note of this as his inspiration comes from season 4 only. He is the studio dad, not the studio cad lol. Fanfiction after all is but a multiverse we empower ourselves to create.

"Ah. Just not a fan of brunch then. Me neither," he replied kindly. "Unless there's bloody Marys. I love a good tomato juice."

Midge smirked. "You sound like my father when he's in the Catskills."

"Really?" he winced. "Man, my son is right. I am not as cool as I think I am. Good thing I've got a writing staff to help me with that."

"Every parent's dream."

"Well at least I can say my dad jokes get decent Nielson ratings," he quipped.

[b-boys83]

THE BEASTIE BOYS

SOLID GOLD HITS - 2005

CD - Various Albums Songs

2-DISC DVD & CD SET - SPECIAL LIMITED EDITION - CD Includes: 15 Solid Gold Hits DVD VIDEO Includes: all 15 videos

In 5.1 Dolby Digital Surround Sound Digitally Remastered in 24 Bit Audio

Plus never before seen video of "Brass Monkey"

Guaranteed to put the nuts in your fruitcake this holiday season!

So What’cha Want

Brass Monkey

Ch-Check It Out

No Sleep Till Brooklyn

Hey Ladies

Pass The Mic

An Open Letter To NYC

Root Down

Shake Your Rump

Intergalactic

Sure Shot

Body Movin’

Triple Trouble

Sabotage

Fight For Your Right

So What’cha Want - Written by The Beastie Boys, M. Caldato Jr., M. Nishita. Published by Brooklyn Dust Music / Universal Polygram International Publishing, Inc. (ASCAP). Video directed by Nathanial Hömblowér 1992.

Brass Monkey - Written by The Beastie Boys and Rick Rubin. Published by Brooklyn Dust Music / Universal Polygram International Publishing, Inc. (ASCAP) / Universal Polygram International Publishing Inc. (ASCAP) // American Def Tunes, Inc. / Sony / ATV Tunes, LLC (ASCAP). Courtesy of The Island Def Jam Music Group under license from Universal Music Enterprise. Video* directed by Nathanial Hömblowér 2005.

Ch-Check It Out - Written by The Beastie Boys. Published by Brooklyn Dust Music / Universal Polygram International Publishing, Inc. (ASCAP) // Universal Polygram International Publishing Inc. (ASCA). Video directed by Nathanial Hömblowér 2004.

No Sleep Till Brooklyn - Written by The Beastie Boys and Rick Rubin. Published by Brooklyn Dust Music / Universal Polygram international Publishing, Inc. (ASCAP) // Universal Polygram international Publishing Inc. (ASCAP) // American Def Tunes, Inc. / Sony / ATV Tunes, LLC (ASCAP). Courtesy of The Island Def Jam Music Group under license from Universal Music Enterprises. Video directed by Adam Dubin and Rick Menello 1986.

Hey Ladies - Written by The Beastie Boys, M. Dike, J. King, M. Simpson, R. Ford, B. Bishop, G. Shider, L. Shider. Published by Brooklyn Dust Music / Universal Polygram international Publishing, Inc. (ASCAP) // Dust Brothers Music / Universal-MCA Music Pub. (ASCAP) // Brown Acid Music Adm. By Bug Music (ASCAP) // Bridgeport Music Inc. (BMI). Hey Ladies contains a sample from "Pumpin’ It Up" (Ronald Ford / Barbarella Bishop / Garry M. Shider / Linda Shider), Bridgeport Music Inc. (BMI). Video directed by Adam Bernstein 1989.

Pass The Mic - Written by The Beastie Boys, M. Caldato Jr., M. Nishita. Published by Brooklyn Dust Music / Universal Polygram International Publishing, Inc. (ASCAP). Contains elements of "Choir" (ASCAP) by James Newton, courtesy of ECM Records. Contains elements of "Big Sur Suite" by John Hammond, courtesy of Columbia Records. Contains elements of "Kid Dynamite" by Jimmy Walker. Video directed by Nathanial Hömblowér 1992.

An Open Letter To NYC - Written by The Beastie Boys, C. Chrome, D. Thomas. Published by Brooklyn Dust Music / Universal Polygram international Publishing, Inc. (ASCAP) / Universal Polygram international Publishing Inc. (ASCAP) // Larry Spier, Inc. (ASCAP). An Open Letter To NYC contains elements from "Sonic Reducer" written by S. Bators, J. Blitz, C. Chrome, J. Magnum, D. Thomas & J. Zero published by Warner / Chappell Music Ltd. (PRS) performed by The Dead Boys courtesy of Sire Records, arrangement with Warner Strategic Marketing; a sample of the voice of 50 Cent, courtesy of 50 Cent; a sample of the voice of RZA, courtesy of Wu-Records / Sanctuary Records; and a sample of the voice of NAS, courtesy of Sony Music Entertainment. Skit Sample from "New York’s My Home" written by Gordon Jenkins published by Universal MCA Music Publishing (ASCAP), performed by Robert Goulet, courtesy of Sony Music Entertainment. Video directed by Nathanial Hömblowér 2004.

Root Down - Written by The Beastie Boys. Published by Brooklyn Dust Music / Universal Polygram international Publishing, Inc. (ASCAP). Contains samples from "Root Down (And Get It)" (J.Smith) publishing by Jimmy’s Music and performed by Jimmy Smith under license from Polygram Special Markets, a division of Polygram Group Distribution, Inc. Video directed by Evan Bernard 1994.

Shake Your Rump - Written by The Beastie Boys, M. Dike, J. King, M. Simpson. Published by Brooklyn Dust Music / Universal Polygram international Publishing, Inc. (ASCAP) // Dust Brothers Music / Universal-MCA Music Pub. (ASCAP) // Brown Acid Music Adm. By Bug Music (ASCAP). Video directed by Nathanial Hömblowér 1989.

Intergalactic - Written by The Beastie Boys and M. Caldato Jr. Published by Brooklyn Dust Music / Universal Polygram international Publishing, Inc. (ASCAP). Contains samples from "Prelude C# Minor", composed by Rachmaninoff as adapted by Les Baxter, published by Skyview Music (ASCAP), performed by Les Baxter, courtesy of GNP Crescendo Records; and elements from The Jazz Crusaders album, "Powerhouse", used under license from Capitol Records, a division of Capitol Records, Inc. Video directed by Nathanial Hömblowér 1998.

Sure Shot - Written by The Beastie Boys, W. Fite, M. Caldato Jr., J. Steig. Published by Brooklyn Dust Music / Universal Polygram International Publishing, Inc. (ASCAP) // Universal Polygram International Publishing Inc. (ASCAP) // Deshon Music, Inc. / EMI Blackwood Music, Inc. (BMI). Contains a sample from "The Funny Side of Moms Mabley" recording courtesy of MCA Records, Inc.; and embodies portions of the composition "Howlin’ For July" (J.Steig) published by EMI Deshon Music, Inc. (BMI), performed by Jeremy Steig, courtesy of Blue Note Records, a division of Capitol Records, Inc. Video directed by Spike Jonze 1994.

Body Movin’ (Fatboy Slim Remix) - Written by The Beastie Boys, M. Caldato Jr., T. Puente. Published by Brooklyn Dust Music / Universal Polygram International Publishing, Inc. (ASCAP) // EMI Full Keel Music Co. (ASCAP) Contains elements from "Oye Come Va", written by Tito Puente, published by Full Keel Music (ASCAP); and samples from "Modern Dynamic Physical Fitness Activities", performed by Ed Durlacher, courtesy of Educational Activities, Inc., Freeport New York, 11520. Video directed by Nathanial Hömblowér 1998.

Triple Trouble - Written by The Beastie Boys, B. Edwards, N. Rodgers. Published by Brooklyn Dust Music / Universal Polygram International Publishing, Inc. (ASCAP) // Universal Polygram International Publishing Inc. (ASCAP) // Bernard’s Other Music Adm. by Warner-Tamerlane Publishing Corp. (BMI) // Sony / ATV Songs LLC DBA Epic / Solar (BMI). Triple Trouble contains elements that were inspired by the lyric from "Double Trouble At The Amphitheatre" written by Kevin Smith & Rodney Stone published by Bad Monkey Music (ASCAP); and elements from "Rapper’s Delight" written by Bernard Edwards & Nile Rodgers published by Bernard’s Other Music (BMI) (administered by Warner-Tamerlane Publishing Corp.) & Sony / ATV Songs LLC (BMI) performed by The Sugar Hill Gang, courtesy of Sugar Hill Records. Video directed by Nathanial Hömblowér 2004.

Sabotage - Written by The Beastie Boys. Published by Brooklyn Dust Music / Universal Polygram International Publishing, Inc. (ASCAP). Video directed by Spike Jonze 1994.

Fight For Your Right - Written by The Beastie Boys and Rick Rubin. Published by Brooklyn Dust Music / Universal Polygram International Publishing, Inc. (ASCAP) // Universal Polygram International Publishing Inc. (ASCAP) // American Def Tunes, Inc. / Sony / ATV Tunes, LLC (ASCAP). Courtesy of The Island Def Jam Music Group under license from Universal Music Enterprises. Video directed by Adam Dubin and Rick Menello 1986.

Tracks 1, 6, 8, 10, 11, 12, 14 produced by The Beastie Boys and Mario Caldato, Jr.

Tracks 2, 4, and 15 produced by The Beastie Boys and Rick Rubin.

Tracks 5 and 9 produced by The Beastie Boys and Dust Brothers.

Tracks 3, 7 and 13 produced by The Beastie Boys.

Body Movin’ remixed by Fatboy Slim.

Art Direction: Nathanial Hömblowér.

Lay out: Tony Almeida.

Front and Back Cover Photos: Josh Cheuse 1984.

Inside Photo: Sunny Bak 1987.

Graff Piece and Hats: Cey City.

X-Box: Billions.

Compiled and Layed out at Oscilloscope Laboratories.

Compiling Technician: Jon Weiner.

Stereo Mastering: Chris Athens at Masterdisc.

5. 1 Mix Engineer: Paul Hsu.

5. 1 Mastering: Leon Zervos.

Authored by James Moore at Moore Imagination.

*Brass Monkey Live at MSG is taken from the movie, "Awesome; I Fu@#in’ Shot That!"

So What’cha Want

Brass Monkey

Ch-Check It Out

No Sleep Till Brooklyn

Hey Ladies

Pass The Mic

An Open Letter To NYC

Root Down

Shake Your Rump

Intergalactic

Sure Shot

Body Movin’

Triple Trouble

Sabotage

Fight For Your Right

LIMITED EDITION DVD CONTAINING VIDEOS FOR ALL 15 SONGS Website:

www.beastieboys.com, www.capitolrecords.com

Capitol Records is a Capitol Music label. This Compilation

2005 Capitol Records, Inc. and The Beastie Boys.

Manufactured by Capitol Records, Inc.,

1750 N. Vine Streets, Hollywood, California 90028.

[alixinwwonderland]

lol i laughed the entire time writing this one - thanks for the shout-out!

How about Gordon inviting Lenny on his talk show (being unaware of the relationship between Midge and Lenny) and them messing with him?

You know? The more I Think about this prompt, the more I'm like @alixinwwonderland did this so much better than I ever, ever could.

Please, if you have not read this, do so:

[brianedwardmillett]

Brian’s Favorite Things- Top 10 Looks at New York Fashion Week: F/W 2020

New York fashion week ended today with a joyful, and very chic collection by Marc Jacobs, with the likes of Miley Cyrus walking amongst a troupe of dancers. Fashion week began officially last Thursday, but really got going with Tom Ford’s show in LA on Friday, leading up to the Oscars on Sunday. He gave his star-studded front row quite the show, and certainly didn’t disappoint me. My TF juices were already flowing though since I was in one of his stores on Wednesday. Back in New York, my other favorite designers impressed me too, with some new ones catching my attention. Here are the 10 that really stood out from the fall/winter 2020 collections. Next stop: London

1 Tom Ford

2 Adam Lippes

3 Michael Kors

4 Brandon Maxwell; I’m saying it now, that when it’s time for someone to take over at Ralph Lauren, I think it should be Brandon

5 Jason Wu; I’m obsessed with this orchid print, as well as the florals on the runway (including orchids) by florist Emily Thompson

6 Marina Moscone

7 Carolina Herrera; happy 2 year anniversary to Wes Gordon! He’s really hitting his stride at CH

8 Sies Marjan

9 Proenza Schouler

10 Marc Jacobs

[356mission]

List of artists who have participated in exhibitions at 356 Mission: 2013 Laura Owens Math Bass Mike Bouchet Sarah Braman Sara Clendening Barry Johnston Kricket Lane Daniel McDonald Pentti Monkkonen Matt Paweski Jennifer Rochlin Colin Snapp Jessica Stockholder Oscar Tuazon Daniel Turner Amy Yao Eric Palgon Yshai Yudekovitz Nicholas Arehart Bridget Batch + Kevin Cooley Danielle Bustillo Joey Cannizzaro Jamie Hilder Meghan Gordon Becca Lieb Mindy Lu David Sikander Muenzer Bryne Rasmussen-Smith + Andrew Smith-Rasmussen Tatiana Vahan Sturtevant Shimon Minamikawa 2014 John Kaufman Scott Reeder Oliver Payne Yuki Kimura Alex Katz Michael Dopp, Calvin Marcus, and Isaac Resnikoff Trevor Shimizu Becca Albee Brody Albert and Kaeleen Wescoat-O'Neill Lilly Aldriedge Katie Aliprando Mark Allen Dewey Ambrosino Marie Angeletti Eika Aoshima Jonathan Apgar Cory Arcangel Jacinto Astiazaran Lisa Anne Auerbach John Baldessari Judie Bamber Ray Anthony Barrett Peter Barrickman Darcy Bartoletti Math Bass Stephen Berens Jennifer Berger Molly Berman Cindy Bernard Amy Bessone Lucas Blalock Seth Bogart Jennifer Bolande Joseph Bolstad Elba Bondaroff Marco Braunschweiler Brian Bress Brian Briggs and Laura Copelin Delia Brown Sally Bruno Edgar Bryan Elizabeth Bryant Jedediah Caesar Jedediah Caesar and Kate Costello (Extraterrestrial) Sarah Cain Kristin Calabrese Ingrid Calame Ross Caliendo Joshua Callaghan Brian Calvin Andrew Cannon Ben Carlson Jae Choi Milano Chow Donna Chung Jonathan Clarke Sara Clendening Justin Cole Kelly Marie Conder Matt Connors Vanessa Conte Alika Cooper Liz Craft Meg Cranston Cameron Crone CH Cummings Lila De Magalheas Dave Deany Michael Decker Gracie DeVito Michael Dopp Katie Douglass Lauren Dudko Julia Dzwonkoski and Kye Potter Mari Eastman Brad Eberhard Clifford Eberly Shannon Ebner Benjamin Echeverria Ken Ehrlich Alyse Emdur Karl Erickson Ron Ewert Ann Faison Cayetano Ferrer Gabrielle Ferrer Luke Fischbeck Katy Fischer Morgan Fisher Jesse Fleming Maya Ford Simone Forti Brendan Fowler Magdalena Suarez Frimkess Erik Frydenborg Francesca Gabbiani and Eddie Ruscha Nikolas Gambaroff Kathryn Garcia John Geary Veronica Gelbaum Rashell George Laeh Glenn Samara Golden Piero Golia Sayre Gomez Hannah Greely Justin John Greene Cassandre M. Griffin Katie Grinnan Mark Grock Julian Gross Karin Gulbran Jamal Gunn Becker Karl Haendel Mark Hagen Rick Hager Kate Mosher Hall Kevin Hanley Justin Hansch Peter Harkawik Jenny Hart Jeff Hassay Michael Henry Hayden and Anthony Lepore Carol Hendrickson James Herman Nick Herman Roger Herman Marcus Herse Paul Heyer Ian Hokin Evan Holloway Violet Hopkins and Foxy Production Jonathan Horowitz Amy Howden-Chapman Joe Hoyt Melissa Huddleston Cannon Hudson Amy-Claire Huestis Raymie Iadevaia Mitsuko Ikeno Daniel Ingroff Charles Irvin Alex Israel James Iveson Johanna Jackson Dain Johnson Kathleen Johnson Barry Johnston Emily Joyce E'wao Kagoshima Stanya Kahn Glenn Kaino, Sadie Kaino, and Stella Kaino Raffi Kalenderian Sanya Kantarovsky Matt Keegan Michael John Kelly Sean Kennedy Julie Kirkpatrick Karen Kilimnik Tom Knechtel Keith Rocka Knittel Rebecca Kolsrud David Korty Greg Kozaki Max Krivitzky Cyril Kuhn Rosina Kuhn Andrew Kuo Shio Kusaka Joel Kyack Molly Larkey Elad Lassry Tom Lawson William Leavitt Ann Leese Sarah Lehrer-Graiwer Alex Lemke Julia Leonard Anthony Lepore Sharon Lockhart Nick Lowe Tim Lokiec Andrea Longacre-White Anaïs Lozano Christopher Lux Caleb Lyons Matt MacFarland Ashley Macomber Tobias Madison Becca Mann Josh Mannis Chloé Maratta Calvin Steele Marcus Frank Masi Max Maslansky Katie S. McCauley and Bradly D. Fischer Danny McDonald Ross McLain Alex Meadows Jason Meadows Mieko Meguro Dain Mergenthaler Matt Merkel Hess and Conrad Merkel Donato Mezzenga Dianna Molzan Pentti Monkkonen Rebecca Morris Jane Moseley Hanne Mugaas Joshua Nathanson Davida Nemeroff Ruby Neri Ryan O'Halloran Tara Jane O'Neil J.D. Olerud Silke Otto-Knapp Robin Paravecchio and Ignacio Genzon Michael Parker John Parot Jane Parshall Julia Paull Mary Pearson Andrew Hirsch Perlman Jon Pestoni Primo Pitino Todd Pleasants Megan Plunkett Monique Prieto Jon Pylypchuk Chadwick Rantanen Sarah Rara Josh Reames Isaac Resnikoff Michael Rey John Riepenhoff Carolyn Pennypacker Riggs Shelby Roberts Jennifer Rochlin Ry Rocklen Torbjorn Rodland Mark A. Rodriguez Alix Ross & Morgan Ritter Amanda Ross-Ho Amanda Ross-Ho and Erik Frydenborg with Jorge, Mother, and Bud Nancy Sandercock Melinda Sanders Aaron Sandnes Rachelle Sawatsky Asha Schechter Carolee Schneeman Max Schwartz Zach Schwartz John Seal David Benjamin Sherry Peter Shire Flannery Silva Alex Slade Ryan Sluggett Alexis Smith Barbara T. Smith Jen Smith Joe Sola Frances Stark Linda Stark Jason Starr A.L. Steiner LeRoy Stevens Kate Stewart Thaddeus Strode Ricky Swallow Jordyn Sweet Martine Syms Tara Tavi Paul Theriault Amanda Tollefson Beatrice Valenzuela Monique Van Genderen Sigrid Vejvi Mark Verabioff Laura Vitale Erika Vogt Amy Von Harrington Christine Wang Mary Weatherford Michael Webster Benjamin Weissman John Wesley Brica Wilcox Chris Wilder Elise Marie Wille Lisa Williamson Lena Wolek Nate Wolf Jonas Wood Suzanne Wright Aaron Wrinkle Wendy Yao Jason Yates Michael Zahn Bari Ziperstein Jesse Fleming Larry Sultan André-Pierre Arnal Pierre Buraglio Louis Cane Noël Dolla Daniel Dezeuze Christian Jaccard Jean-Michel Meurice Bernard Pagés Jean-Pierre Pincemin Patrick Saytour Claude Viallat 2015 Anna Helm Lisa Lapinski Jay Chung & Q Takeki Maeda Lisa Anne Auerbach Lucky deBellevue Rochelle Feinstein Dane Johnson Jane Kaplowitz Max Krivitzky Ann Leese Cary Leibowitz Paul McMahon Rob Pruitt Sam Roeck Ruth Root Jason Rosenberg Theo Rosenblum + Chelsea Seltzer Joe Scanlan Lena Wolek Sam Anderson Becca Albee Eric Wesley Ben Vida Katy Fischer Kerry Tribe Graham Lambkin Shahryar Nashat Seth Bogart Nancy Lupo and Molly McFadden Rebecca Morris Gary Indiana 2016 Susan Cianciolo Seth Price Wayne Koestenbaum Lutz Bacher Chris Domenick & Em Rooney Wu Tsang Maggie Lee Eric VVysokan John Seal 2017 Trisha Baga Brian Sharp David Reed Henning Bohl C-Brushammer COBRA Daisuke Fukunaga Naotaka Hiro Ken Kagami Veit Laurent Kurz Soshiro Matsubara Puppies Puppies Stephen G. Rhodes Trevor Shimizu Yosuke Takayama Yuji Agematsu Nancy Arlen Jeremy Anderson Hans Bellmer Bill Bollinger Lee Bontecou Robert Breer Dan Burkhart Cameron Nicolas Ceccaldi Magalie Comeau Tony Conrad Jay DeFeo Michaela Eichwald Agustin Fernandez Terry Fox Ilka Gedő Jean-Léon Gérôme Bill Hayden Matt Hoyt Steve Keister Mike Kelley William Leavitt Lee Lozano Robert Mallary Harold Mendez Henri Michaux Eric Orr Tom Rankin Deborah Remington John Singer Sargent Michael E. Smith Unica Zürn Jacqueline Kiyomi Gordon

[papermoonloveslucy]

LUCY AND THE USED CAR DEALER

S2;E9 ~ November 17, 1969

Directed by George Marshall ~ Written by David Ketchum and Bruce Shelley

Synopsis

When the Carters want to become a two-car family, Kim and Craig visit a used car dealer named Cheerful Charlie (Milton Berle).  When the car turns out to be a lemon, Lucy and Harry turn the tables on the huckster.

Regular Cast

Lucille Ball (Lucy Carter), Gale Gordon (Harrison Otis Carter), Lucie Arnaz (Kim Carter), Desi Arnaz Jr. (Craig Carter)

Guest Cast

Milton Berle (Cheerful Charlie) this is the first time that Milton Berle has not played Milton Berle on a Lucille Ball sitcom. He was born Milton Berlinger in New York City on July 12, 1908. He started performing at the age of five. Berle perfected his comedy in vaudeville, early silent films, and then on radio, before taking his act to the small screen, where he would be proclaimed “Mr. Television” and later “Uncle Miltie.” He hosted “Texaco Star Theater” on NBC from 1948 to 1956. The variety show was re-titled “The Milton Berle Show” in 1954 when Texaco dropped their sponsorship. The program was briefly revived in 1958, but lasted only one season. In 1959 he played himself in “Milton Berle Hides out at the Ricardos.” In return, Lucy and Desi appeared on his Sunday Showcase special that same year. Berle continued to perform live, in films, and on television specials for the remainder of his career. Berle previously appeared on "The Lucy Show” in “Lucy Saves Milton Berle” (TLS S4;E13) and did a cameo in “Lucy Meets John Wayne” (TLS S5;E10). He will also do one more episode of the series: “Milton Berle Is the Life of the Party” (S6;E19).  Berle died of cancer in 2002.

Jack Berle (Jack, uncredited) was the older brother of Milton Berle.  This is the second of his eleven uncredited appearances on the series.  He also did two episodes of “The Lucy Show.”  

The character has no dialogue.

The cameraman and cue card holder are played by uncredited performers.  

This is the first episode written by David Ketchum and Bruce Shelley. The pair will also return to write “Lucy and Rudy Vallee” (S3;E12).  Ketchum and Shelley began writing together in 1967 and their partnership ended in 1984.  The pair were nominated for a Writer's Guild of American (WGA) Award for a 1973 episode of “M*A*S*H”.  Ketchum was also an actor.  He played Agent 13 on “Get Smart” (1965-70).  

Milton Berle had a previous professional engagement he canceled in order to star in this episode.

This is the second episode in a row to be set among parked cars.  The previous episode took place at a drive-in movie theatre, which is really just a used car lot with entertainment. In fact, seven of the last ten episodes have featured automobiles. Interestingly, none of the vehicles seen previously are used here.  

Kim's new boyfriend is named Herbie Hofferman (“Hoffy”).  In the previous episode she was dating a college graduate named Alan.  

Craig is now dating Susan. In the previous episode he was dating Patty.  He is planning to use the car to double date with Steve & Peggy, and Billy & Debbie. They are all going to a drive-in movie – just as Craig & Patty and Kim & Alan all did the previous week! Susan (or Susie, as Lucy calls her) may be a reference to Susan Callahan-Howe, a model that Desi Arnaz Jr. had a relationship with (and had a child with) the previous year.  The name Patty may refer to Patty Duke, another of Desi Jr.'s romances, but it is generally thought the two didn't meet until 1970, a year after this episode was shot.  The name Billy is probably a reference to Desi's good friend and band-mate Billy Hinsche of Dino Desi & Billy. The names Susie and Steve were mentioned as friends of Craig's in “Lucy the Fixer” (S1;E14).

Craig tells Kim that it is his night to use the car, so she should “take the bus and leave the driving to us!” This was the advertising slogan of the Greyhound Bus Company.  It was previously quoted in “Lucy Helps Craig Get a Driver's License” (S1;E24).  

Lucy says they have $147 in IOU's in their Emergency Fund but only $75 in cash. Pooling their resources, they find they have $97 to spend on a second car.  

Searching between the sofa cushions for coins, Kim finds a 'Win With Willkie' button. Wendell Lewis Willkie (1892–1944) was the 1940 Republican nominee for President.  His Democratic opponent, incumbent President Franklin D. Roosevelt, handily won a third term (pre-term limits). Lucy calls him Mendell Willkie. Later in the episode, Harry asks if anyone's found his Willkie button.

Cheerful Charlie's lot is located on the corner of Cherokee and Chatsworth. In the 1940's Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz had a ranch in Chatsworth, California. 

The brightly painted lemon that is the subject of the transactions is actually a 1940 Packard One-Twenty [1397].  Harry calls the paint job “sick-o-delic.”  

Cheerful Charlie's lot also offers:

A 1966 tan Volkswagen Beetle

A light blue 1961 Ford Falcon

A blue 1964 Chevrolet Biscayne

Upon seeing the car Cheerful Charlie has sold the kids Harry says “Well, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang!” That was the title of a 1968 musical fantasy film (based on a novel by Ian Fleming) about a colorful flying car.  Harry then refers to it as “a purple people eater.”  “Purple People Eater” was the title of a hit kids novelty song written by Sheb Wooley in 1958.

When Craig tries to start the car by kicking the floorboard, Harry asks him “What in the name of Kaiser-Frazer are you doing?” The Kaiser-Frazer Corporation was a car company that briefly thrived after World War II.  When the car finally starts and fills the garage with smoke, Harry says it is “a one-car smog alert.” References to Los Angeles' smog problem were topical and frequent in this time period.  

Posing as a British dandy, Harry calls the car a Pierce-Ruxton with a sundial in place of a clock. 

Pierce-Ruxton is a combination of two automakers names. Pierce-Arrow Motor Car Company was an manufacturer based in Buffalo, New York, active from 1901 to 1938. The Ruxton was a front-wheel drive automobile produced by New Era Motors Company during 1929 and 1930.

Posing as Texan 'Laredo Lucy,' Lucy calls the car a combination Hudson Edsel Tucker Reo and Packard - all defunct automobile companies. Laredo Lucy sings a bit of “Deep in the Heart of Texas,” a 1941 song by June Hershey and Don Swander.

When Craig and Kim return to claim their car, Cheerful Charlie says “Go away kid, you bother me.” This is a quote attributed to W.C. Fields, talking to his nemesis Baby Leroy.

Lucy Carmichael drove a Packard in “Lucy Buys a Sheep” (TLS S1;E5).  

Looking for loose change in the sofa cushions was something Lucy Ricardo and Ethel Mertz did in “Ricky's European Booking” (ILL S5;E10).  

While Kim finds a 'Win With Willkie' button in the sofa, Lucy Carmichael found a ‘Vote for Dewey’ button under the sofa in “Lucy Gets the Bird” (TLS S3;E12).  

Lucy Ricardo also had trouble with an antique lemon when Fred Mertz bought a 1929 Cadillac for their trip across the country in “Getting Ready” (ILL S4;E11).  

Over The Line! When returning the car for a refund, Desi jumps one of Milton Berle's lines and has to repeat himself.

“Lucy and the Used Car Dealer” rates 5 Paper Hearts out of 5 

This is a memorable episode.  Lucy, Milton Berle and Gale Gordon all get to play dress-up and take on  funny and unusual characters.  The writers' dedication to Cheerful Charlie using as many 'CH' words as possible is silly but a lot of fun. 

[lexingtonparkleader]

RADM Gordon Peters New Boss at NAVAIR

RADM Gordon Peters New Boss at NAVAIR

Morning Coffee is a robust blend of links to news around the internet concerning the Naval Air Station Patuxent River economic community. The opinions expressed here do not reflect opinions of the Leader’s owners or staff. New Navy promotions and assignments were announced late last week. RADM Gordon Peters will be the new boss of Naval Air Systems Command, reports Inside Defense. Peters, who…

[leedo0131]

Everything list 2016

in 2016

ongoing: (-)

All caps, bold: MOVIE

regular: tv series

All caps: BOOK

All caps/italics: SCREENPLAY or PLAY

quotes: "web series/short film"

quotes italics: "short stories/screenplays"

[caps]: [(OFF)BROADWAY PLAY/MUSICAL]

[ ]: [fashion show]

star: album*

1/1 CONTAGION, billions ep.1, shameless s6 e1, Making a Murderer ep. 1-8, 10

1/2 MAGIC MIKE XXL, grey's anatomy s3 e8, sherlock christmas special, KATY PERRY: PART OF ME, OCEAN'S TWELVE, FAHRENHEIT 9/11

1/3 OCEAN'S THIRTEEN, PRIDE AND PREJUDICE, bob's burger s4 e6, grey's anatomy s3 e13, ANOMALISA, THE FOG OF WAR

1/4 "The Gay and Wondrous Life of Caleb Gallo," I'LL DRINK TO THAT (Intro/ch 1)(-), war and peace bbc ep1., NASTY BABY

1/5 fargo s2 e1, THE DESCENT

1/7 the challenge: battle of the bloodlines (7), THE MARTIAN

1/8 HE NAMED ME MALALA, 27 DRESSES

1/9 adele live in new york, NOTTING HILL

1/10 grey's anatomy

1/12 keeping up with the kardashians, the challenge battle of exes II

1/14 please like me season 1, the challenge battle of bloodlines, TITANIC(-)

1/15 please like me season 2, HANNA, please like me (2)

1/16 MAPS TO THE STARS, please like me (4), hell's kitchen, JIRO DREAMS OF SUSHI

1/17 american horror story: hotel, ALADDIN, please like me (4), grey's anatomy (2)

1/18 keeping up with the kardashians, sense8, shamelesss, BROOKLYN

1/19 BLING RING, BLING RING, SPOTLIGHT, MIDDLE OF NOWHERE(-)

1/20 grey's anatomy (2)

1/21 top chef, the challenge battle of bloodlines,

1/22 limitless, MAD MAX: FURY ROAD, top chef, the revenant "a world unseen" documentary

1/23 BLACK MASS, hell's kitchen, WHITEY: UNITED STATES OF AMERICA V. JAMES J. BULGER, chelsea does (3)

1/24 chelsea does, I KILLED MY MOTHER (J'ai Tué Ma Mére), MISS YOU ALREADY, [dior homme fw 16/17], [prada men fw 16/17], [moschino men fw 16/17], [alexander mcqueen men fw16/17], shameless, billions,

1/25 keeping up with the kardashians, GABRIEL, [louis vuitton men fw16/17], grey's anatomy, WINTER ON FIRE: UKRAINE'S FIGHT FOR FREEDOM,

1/26 the magicians, lucifer, "animal agent" (2), PRIDE AND PREJUDICE, THE HUNTING GROUND, bachelor,

1/27 SICARIO, "animal agent" (8), "Her Friends Adam," the flash

1/30 the challenge: the battle of bloodlines, hell's kitchen

2/2 2016 OSCAR NOMINATED LIVE ACTION SHORTS: "Ave Maria," "Day One," "Everything Will Be Okay," "Shok," "Shutterer," SON OF SAUL, grease live

2/3 the magicians, american crime story

2/4 top chef, suits (3), [ALLEGIANCE]

2/5 hell's kitchen

2/7 2016 OSCAR NOMINATED ANIMATION SHORTS: "Prologue," "Sansay's Super Team," "We Can't Live Without Cosmos," "World of Tomorrow," TRANSAMERICA, mad men ("Lost Horizon")

2/8 Nevermind by Nirvana*, In Utero - Nirvana*

2/9 chef's table, the magicians, SPRING BREAKERS, Ray of Light by Madonna*

2/10 45 YEARS, PRECARIOUS VISUALITIES (1 ch) (-)

2/11 american crime story

2/13 the challenge: the battle of bloodlines,

2/15 the challenge: the battle of bloodlines (repeat 2/14), grey's anatomy

2/17 hell's kitchen, shameless, keeping up with the kardashians, american crime story, broad city

2/18 suits, top chef, the challenge: the battle of bloodlines, the magicians, THE NIGHT BEFORE, suits, grey's anatomy, scandal

2/19 how to get away with murder, scandal, the challenge: the battle of bloodlines, top chef, [marc jacobs fw16/17], [alexander wang fw16/17]

2/20 project runway: all star, vinyl, "The Gay and Wondrous Life of Caleb Gallo," chef's table

2/21 chef's table (3), shameless, girls, togetherness,

2/22 vinyl, keeping up with the kardashians, the night manager, broad city

2/23 the magicians

2/24 american crime story

2/25 suits, survivial (2), grey's anatomy, scandal, how to get way with murder

2/26 top chef, MOUNTAINS MAY DEPART, amazing race (2)

2/27 amazing race

2/28 girls

2/29 hell's kitchen, the night manager, broad city

3/2 american crime story

3/4 hell's kitchen, survivor, grey's anatomy, how to get away from murder, top chef

3/5 house of cards

3/6 girls, shameless, STANDING TALL

3/8 KNIGHT OF CUPS, house of cards (3)

3/9 amazing race, the magicians, rupaul's drag race, american crime story

3/10 the magicians, broad city (2), survivor, hell's kitchen, [chanel fw 16/17], grey's anatomy, scandal, how to get away with murder, house of cards (4)

3/11 [saint laurent haute couture fw 16/17], THE WAVE, amazing race, house of cards (3)

3/12 BIG EYES, the fashion fund (2), house of cards (2), [wes gordon fw 16/17]

3/13 transparent, "ladders", DHEEPAN, shameless, girls

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3/14 togetherness (3), I am cait (2), bachelor

3/15 the night manager (2), gaycation, rupaul's drag race

3/16 gaycation (2), broad city, hell's kitchen

3/17 The Magicians, THE IMPOSSIBLE, grey's anatomy, how to get away with murder

3/18 scandal, daredevil (3)

3/19 top chef, daredevil (4)

3/20 daredevil (2)

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3/21 daredevil (2)

3/22 daredevil, rupaul's drag race, i am cait

3/23 daredevil (2), american crime story, [prada men fw 16/17]

3/24 broad city, gaycation, [prada fw 16/17], quantico, hell's kitchen, the night manager (2), the magicians, grey's anatomy, the family

3/25 scandal, the catch, gilmore girls (3)

3/26 gilmore girls (2), family (2), THE BIG SHORT,

3/27 STAR WARS VII: THE FORCE AWAKENS, togetherness, girls, BEETLEJUICE, gilmore girls (2), [gucci men fw 16/17], EVERYTHING IS COPY, shameless, girls, ANT-MAN

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

3/28 togetherness, i am cait, THE CONJURING, visionaries: inside the creative mind Tom Ford, FRANNY AND ZOOEY (-), Only by the Night by Kings of Leon*, PANIC IN THE NEEDLE PARK (-)

3/29 rupaul's drag race, FRANNY AND ZOOEY (-), PANIC IN THE NEEDLE PARK

3/30 FRANNY AND ZOOEY (-), FREEHELD (-)

3/31 survivor, FRANNY AND ZOOEY(-), friends, grey's anatomy, scandal

4/1 FREEHELD, amazing race, the path (2), BUS STOP (-)

4/2 hell's kitchen, A SINGLE MAN, A SINGLE MAN

4/3 BIG HERO 6, gilmore girls (3), shameless, girls, togetherness

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4/4 quantico, THE DUFF, the magicians,

4/5 gilmore girls (5), MIDNIGHT SPECIAL, EYE IN THE SKY, american crime story, FRANNY AND ZOOEY (-)

4/6 gilmore girls (1), the magicians, broad city

4/7 grey's anatomy, scandal

4/8 the catch, [J.W.Anderson fw 16/17], the path, survivor, MIDNIGHT SPECIAL

4/9 gilmore girls (5)

4/10 NOTHING LEFT UNSAID: GLORIA VANDERBILT AND ANDERSON COOPER (-), girls

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4/14 SNOWPIERCER

4/15 grey's anatomy (2), amazing race

4/16 INTO THE WOODS, the girlfriend experience (13)

4/17 CONFIRMATION, girls (2)

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4/18 gilmore girls (5), NOTHING LEFT UNSAID: GLORIA VANDERBILT AND ANDERSON COOPER

4/19 gilmore girl (2), rupaul's drag race, EVERYBODY WANTS SOME

4/20 NOTHING LEFT UNSAID: GLORIA VANDERBILT AND ANDERSON COOPER, broad city

4/21 grey's anatomy, scandal

4/22 survivor, hell's kitchen, the catch (2), amazing race,

4/23 gilmore girls (3), Lemonade by Beyoncé (HBO), orphan black

4/24 gilmore girl, game of thrones, veep

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4/25 I am cait (2), rupaul's drag race, I Like It When You Sleep, for You Are So Beautiful yet So Unaware of It by The 1975*

4/26 quantico, I Like It When You Sleep, for You Are So Beautiful yet So Unaware of It by The 1975*, GREEN ROOM, gilmore girl (2), the path, DEADPOOL

4/27 the path (2), vice guide to film: david fincher, JURASSIC WORLD, survivor

4/28 grey's anatomy, scandal, Lemonade by Beyoncé*

4/29 million dollar listing new york, orphan black, amazing race

4/30 hell's kitchen

5/1 TEAM FOXCATCHER, penny dreadful, game of thrones, veep, quantico

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5/2 SOLARIS (2002), rupaul's drag race

5/3 THE THIN RED LINE, rupaul's drag race, the fashion fund (8)

5/4 the path, [chanel cruise 16/17 in cuba], MY GOLDEN DAYS, LA BARE, unreal (2), THE CRUCIBLE (-)

5/5 survivor, the challenge rivals III, unreal (3), grey's anatomy, scandal, orphan black, THE CRUCIBLE (-), KRIGEN (-)

5/6 amazing race, THE CRUCIBLE (-), million dollar listing: new york, grace and frankie

5/7 unreal (2), 10 CLOVERFIELD LANE, grace and frankie (2)

5/8 ali wong: baby cobra, unreal (3), grace and frankie (3), game of thrones, veep

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5/9 quantico, penny dreadful

5/10 grace and frankie (2), bianca's rolodex of hate,

5/11 grace and frankie (2)

5/12 the survivor, the challenge rivals III, the path, grey's anatomy, scandal, orphan black, million dollar listing: new york

5/13 amazing race, grace and frankie

5/14 chelsea (3), watch what happens live, girls (2), HIGH-RISE

5/15 chef's table (2), BOYHOOD, quantico, BEFORE MIDNIGHT (-)

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5/16 game of thrones, veep, A BIGGER SPLASH, THE CRUCIBLE (-)

5/17 A CLOCKWORK ORANGE, NOMA: A PERFECT STORM, A TINY FURNITURE, 2001: SPACE ODYSSEY, rupaul's drag race, keeping up with the kardashians

5/18 TWO DAYS, ONE NIGHT (-)

5/19 TWO DAYS, ONE NIGHT, THE CRUCIBLE, [THE CRUCIBLE], ANYWHERE BUT HERE

5/20 grey's anatomy, the challenge rivals III, orphan black

5/21 outcast, chelsea (3), ZOOTOPIA, the path

5/22 LOST IN TRANSLATION, game of thrones, veep

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5/23 preacher, keeping up with the kardashians, million dollar listing new york, FENCES (-)

5/24 bachelorette, EVERYTHING IS COPY, FENCES (-), THE LOBSTER, scandal, the path

5/25 the challenge rivals III, chelsea, FENCES (-), scandal

5/26 orphan black, how to get away with murder

5/27 FENCES, how to get away with murder, bloodline

5/28 chelsea (2), chef's table (3), bloodline (2), mr. robot

5/29 bloodline (3), game of thrones, veep

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5/30 the leftover, bloodlines (3), EDDIE THE EAGLE

5/31 WHEN HARRY MET SALLY (-)

6/1 WHEN HARRY MET SALLY (-)

6/2 the challenge rivals III, [dior 17 cruise], chelsea (2), chef's table (2), THE GIRLFRIEND EXPERIENCE

6/3 chelsea, million dollar listing new york, inside amy schumer

6/4 WHEN HARRY MET SALLY (-), chef's table, orphan black, black-ish(5), [BLACKBIRD]

6/5 vice guide to film: gus van sant, WHEN HARRY MET SALLY (-), [THE FATHER], game of thrones, veep, keeping up with the kardashians

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

6/6 WHEN HARRY MET SALLY, gilmore girls, unreal

6/7 gilmore girls, [marc jacobs 17 resort]

6/8 THE GLASS MENAGERIE (-)

6/9 X-MEN: APOCALYPSE, casual (2), chelsea (2) american grit, the challenge rivals III

6/10 chelsa, [LONG DAY'S JOURNEY INTO THE NIGHT], million dollar listing new york

6/11

6/12

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6/13

6/14 unreal

6/15 chelsea

6/16 chelsea, the challenge rivals III, casual

6/17 [J.W. anderson men ss 17], orange is the new black (13)

6/18 million dollar listing new york, orphan black. roadies, preacher

6/19 NEIGHBORS 2: SORORITY RISING, masterchef, [prada men ss17], HARRY POTTER AND THE SORCERER'S STONE (-), game of thrones, veep, keeping up with the kardashians

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6/20 [gucci men ss17], preacher (2), [prada men spring ss17], ZOOLANDER 2, unreal (2), EJ NYC

6/21 mr. robot, casual

6/22 big brother

6/23 the challenge, masterchef, chelsea, unreal (3), real housewives of new york (4)

6/24 housewives of new york (2), big brother, mr. robot,

6/25 INSIDE LLEWYN DAVIS, million dollar listing new york, [dsquared2 men ss17], dsquared2 uncut behind the scenes ss17

6/26 looking, game of thrones, silicon valley, veep, keeping up with the kardashians

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6/27 big brother, roadies, [dior men ss17], mr. robot(5), emmy 16 drama actress roundtable, unreal

6/28 mr. robot (3), casual

6/29

6/30 big brother (2), chelsea, real housewives of new york, preacher, CAPTAIN AMERICA: CIVIL WAR

7/1 the challenge rivals III, million dollar listing new york, chelsea, HARRY POTTER AND THE PHILOSOPHER'S STONE

7/2 n/a

7/3 n/a

-------------------------------------------------------------------

7/4 keeping up with the kardashians, big brother, emmy 16 drama actor roundtable

7/5 unreal, friends

7/6 [chanel fw16 haute couture], friends

7/7 chelsea, [fendi haute fw16 couture], friends

7/8 real housewives of new york, chelsea, million dollar listing new york, big brother, gossip girl

7/9 [dior ss16], HARRY POTTER AND THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS, [valentino haute couture fw16], HARRY POTTER AND THE PRISONER OF AZKABAN, HARRY POTTER AND THE GOBLET OF FIRE

7/10 gossip girl, preacher, HARRY POTTER THE ORDER OF PHOENIX, HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF-BLOOD PRINCE, HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS PART I

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7/11 keeping up with the kardashians, preacher, HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS PART II, HARRY POTTER AND THE PHILOSOPHER'S STONE (-)

7/12 unreal, HARRY POTTER AND THE PHILOSOPHER'S STONE (-)

7/13 chelsea, mr. robot, HARRY POTTER AND THE PHILOSOPHER'S STONE (-)

7/14 chelsea, the challenge, real housewives of new york, masterchef, big brother, suits, emmy 16 comedy actress roundtable

7/15 chelsea, stranger things (8), roadies, secrets of the force awakens

7/16 BIG SHORT, roadies

7/17 parks and recreation (24), big brother, friends

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7/18 ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND (-), emmy 16 comedy actor roundtable, keeping up with the kardashians, preacher

7/19 ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND (-), unreal

7/20 ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND (-), START TREK INTO THE DARKNESS, lemonade by Beyonce*

7/21 ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND (-), The challenge, big brother

7/22 ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND

7/23 big brother (2), real housewives of new york, parks and recreation, roadies,

7/24 big brother

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7/25

7/27

7/28

7/29 chelsea

7/30 chelsea

7/31 chelsea

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8/1

8/2 HARRY POTTER AND THE PHILOSOPHER'S STONE (-), unreal

8/3 chelsea

8/4 big brother, suits, chelsea

8/5 chelsea

8/6 olympics men's gymnastics

8/7 gilmore girls (5), olympics swimming, women's gymnastics, keeping up with the kardashians

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8/8 big brother, unreal

8/9 THE LITTLE MEN, ANNIHILATION (-)

8/10 chelsea, ANNIHILATION (-)

8/11 chelsea, big brother, ANNIHILATION (-)

8/12 chelsea, ANNIHILATION (-)

8/13

8/14

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8/15 gilmore girls

8/16 gilmore girls

8/17 chelsea, gilmore girls, big brother

8/18 chelsea, big brother

8/19 chelsea

8/20 big brother, real house of new york (2), THE DISAPPEARANCE OF ELEANOR RIGBY: HIM, THE DISAPPEARANCE OF ELEANOR RIGBY: HER, THE PROGRAM, olympics men's 5000m, women's 4x400, men's 4x400, mend's 30m diving individual

8/21 ZERO DARK THIRTY, LOVE IS STRANGE, NIGHTCRAWLER

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8/22 keeping up with the kardashians, Channel ORANGE by Frank Ocean*

8/23 Channel ORANGE by Frank Ocean*

8/24 big brother, chelsea

8/25 big brother, chelsea, Blonde by Frank Ocean*

8/26 rupaul's drag race all star, chelsea, real housewives of new york, Blonde by Frank Ocean*

8/27 THE CONJURING 2, masterchef, MONEY MONSTER

8/28

8/29

8/30

8/31

9/1

9/2

9/3 big brother (2), real housewives of new york, masterchef (2), chef's table (2)

9/4 chef's table (2), WEINER, WHERE TO INVADE NEXT, JAMES WHITE

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9/5 JAMES WHITE

9/6 big brother

9/7 big brother

9/8

9/9

9/10

9/11 big brother, keeping up with the kardashians

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9/12 real housewives of new york

9/13 mr. robot (9), big brother

9/14 mr. robot, big brother, [alexander wang ss17 women]

9/15 american horror story, chelsea, [marc jacobs ss17 women]

9/16

9/17

9/18

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9/19

9/20 this is us

9/21 [burberry ss17 women], [gucci ss17 women], [fendi ss17], big brother

9/22 gilmore girls (season 2), [prada ss17 women], [fendi ss17 women], grey's anatomy, notorious, how to get away with murder

9/23 gilmore girls (season 2), [versace ss17 women]

9/24 gilmore girls (season 3), transparent

9/25 gilmore girls (season 3), quantico

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9/26 gilmore girls (season 2, 4), THE LEGEND OF TARZAN, presidential debate, gilmore girls (season 4, 3)

9/27 macgyver, hell's kitchen, WHEN HARRY MET SALLY, transparent (3), gilmore gilrs, this is us

9/28 chelsea, PERFECT BLUE, designated survivor

9/29 - 10/13 lost weeks:

gilmore girls (season 4-6), chelsea (6), black mirror (2), westworld, ANDRE'S MOTHER, TRAINSPOTTING, WOMEN HE'S UNDRESSED, FIRST POSITION, BALLET 422, BALLERINA'S TALE, GAYBY BABY, AMANDA KNOX, DANCER, THE IMITATION GAME, HUSH

10/13 gilmore girls (bon voyage), rupaul's drag race all star, speechless (2), westworld

10/14 rupaul's drag race all star, divorce, insecure, designated survivor (2), how to get away with murder

10/15 BY THE SEA

10/16 JOY

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10/17

10/18 STEVE JOBS

10/19 SUPERBAD, STAR WARS: FORCE AWAKENS

10/20 chelsea, SAUSAGE PARTY, TRAIN TO BUSAN

10/21 chelsea (2), this is us, how to get away with murder, hell's kitchen, hamilton's america

10/22 TICKLED, SWEENEY TOOD LIVE ON BROADWAY 1982 (-)

10/23 RENT LIVE ON BROADWAY 2008 (-), AMERICAN GANGSTER, COYOTE UGLY, shameless, westworld, insecure

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10/24 WE STEAL SECRETS: THE STORY OF WIKILEAKS, SWEENEY TOOD LIVE ON BROADWAY1982, divorce, high maintenance, MY OWN PRIVATE IDAHO, THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING, please like me

10/25 THE LORD OF THE RINGS: TWO TOWERS, THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE RETURN OF THE KING, chelsea

10/26 ELEPHANT, MiCHAEL MOORE IN TRUMPLAND, MILK (-), gilmore girls, chelsea, MOTHERS AND SONS

10/27 rupaul's drag race, chelsea, grey's anatomy, how to get way with murder, ANDRE'S MOTHER

10/28 THE WIBBLY, WOBBLY DANCE THAT CLEOPATTERER DID

10/29 THE HANDMAIDEN, AMERICAN HONEY

10/30 CHRISTINE, westworld, divorce, insecure, shameless, quantico, keeping up with the kardashian

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10/31

11/1 the fall (2)

11/2

11/3 AN EDUCATION, AN EDUCATION

11/4

11/5

11/6 westworld, shameless, divorce, insecure, keeping up with the kardashians

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11/7 quantico, survivor, hell's kitchen, snl, circus

11/8 homeland, JASON BOURNE, THE BOURNE IDENTITY, THE BOURNE SUPREMACY

11/9 THE BOURNE ULTIMATUM

11/10 BREAKFAST AT TIFFANY'S, ERIN BROCKOVICH, grey's anatomy, how to get away with murder, THE BOURNE LEGACY

11/11 SINGIN' IN THE RAIN, RECOUNT, survivor, designated survivor, american horror story, hell's kitchen, ERIN BROCKOVICH, MAGGIE'S PLAN

11/12 THE NEON DEMON, CAFE SOCIETY

11/13 shameless, quantico, keeping up with the kardashians, westworld

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11/14 ZERO DARK THIRTY, MOONLIGHT

11/15 SEX AND THE CITY, this is us

11/16 american horror story

11/17

11/18

11/19 FANTASTIC BEAST AND WHERE TO FIND THEM

11/20 THE EDGE OF SEVENTEEN, ARRIVAL, shameless, westworld

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11/21 please like me, divorce, insecure, designated survivor (2)

11/22 charlie rose (2), hell's kitchen, NOCTURNAL ANIMALS, gilmore girls

11/23 this is us, ARRIVAL, how to get away with murder, gilmore girls,

11/24 SNOWDEN, STAR TREK BEYOND, chelsea, PETE'S DRAGON

11/25 chelsea, gilmore girls a year in the life (2)

11/26 OTHER PEOPLE

11/27 please like me, gilmore girls a year in life (2), shameless, quantico

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11/28 gilmore girls a year in the life (2), westworld, divorce, insecure

11/29 BURN AFTER READING, BILLY ELLIOT, CLEOPATRA (-), this is us, MANCHESTER BY THE SEA

11/30 GOODWILL HUNTING, fresh off the boat (2), designated survivor

12/1 MARY POPPINS, fresh off the boat, o.j.: made in america

12/2 MANCHESTER BY THE SEA, THE BRONZE, MOONLIGHT, please like me

12/3 10 CLOVERFIELD LANE, SAUSAGE PARTY

12/4 shameless, westworld, divorce

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12/5 THE ROYAL TENENBAUMS, INTERSTELLAR, BEST WORST THING THAT EVER COULD HAVE HAPPENED, transparent. 2016 victoria's secret fashion show

12/6 THE FANTASTIC MR. FOX, transparent (2), JACKIE, this is us

12/7 JACKIE, transparent, designated survivor

12/8 please like me, fresh off the boat, hairspray live, CLOVERFIELD

12/9 JACKIE, medici: masters of florence (2)

12/10 medici: masters of florence (2), veep (2), black mirror

12/11 medici: masters of florence (4), veep (3)

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12/12 OTHER PEOPLE, LA LA LAND, black mirror: nosedive, divorce, top chef

12/13 america's next top model

12/14 ELLE

12/15 please like me, FOUR CHRISMASES, mariah's world

12/16 black mirror: san junipero, survivor, top chef, A DOG WALKER'S CHRISTMAS TALE, the oa (2)

12/17  the oa (4)

12/18 the oa (2)

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12/19 the real o'neals (season 1)

12/20 the real o'neals (8), mozart in the jungle (5)

12/21 mozart in the jungle (5), america's next top model, fresh off the boat

12/22 mozart in the jungle (8)

12/23 barracuda (2)

12/24 barracuda (2)

12/25 steeler vs. ravens, HOWL'S MOVING CASTLE, top chef

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12/26 sense8 christmas special, INTERSTELLAR

12/27 BARRY, black mirror: nosedive, 10 CLOVERFIELD LANE

12/28 HAIL, CAESAR!, america's next top model, GIOVANNI'S ROOM(-)

12/29 FLORENCE FOSTER JENKINS, mozart in the jungle (9)

12/30 CAPTAIN AMERICA: CIVIL WAR

12/31 top chef

[alixinwwonderland]

inspired by conversations with @wonderlandleighleigh and @ladygoddess87​ and the never-ending source of humor that is horny!gordon.

Let’s place this in the add his initial to my monogram universe, a few months down the road, let’s say early May, 1961. Heads-up for talk of sexy things (in a very non-sexy manner).

“I’m just saying. You know. You seem stressed, and if you need a distraction... Well, I’ve never had any complaints.”

Midge stares at Gordon, her eyes wide and her jaw not dropping only through sheer force of will.

“I’m sorry, did you just ... offer to fuck me as a stress reliever?”

“Well... yeah?”

Gordon shrugs.

“Hey, no pressure,” he adds, patting her arm. “Just a friendly offer. Think about it, and, if you change your mind, just lemme know. Oh, hey,” he adds, spinning back on his heel so he can face her as he walks away backwards, “that Richard Burton joke tonight... inspired!” 

_____

“He said what?!”

Midge grins at the rare sight of Lenny Bruce sputtering and lost for words. 

“Yup.”

“And he offered...”

“A choice between fingers, tongue, or dick, whatever worked best for me. Yup. Apparently, he’s had ‘no complaints’ before,” she says, air-quoting for emphasis.

Lenny wheezes with laughter, then, when he gets a grip enough to sit upright again, tilts his head contemplatively.

“Well, shit, he didn’t offer me anything of the sort. And I was very stressed when I was on his show. Am I just not pretty enough?”

“I suspect it’s more your lack of these,” Midge says dryly, gesturing at her chest, where her new cobalt-blue dress is accenting everything she knows Lenny appreciates.

“Hey, he never saw me in my Navy days,” Lenny says, and now it’s Midge’s turn to double over with laughter.

_____

Gordon’s generous offer to Midge would have faded from memory in time. Neither of them ever brought it up again, and their casual friendship continued on its previous path. It all would have gone away, if not for a guest cancelling a day before a show and Lenny being available to appear at the last minute to fill the slot.

The first part of the interview goes well. Great, even. Lenny is a very good boy for the TV cameras, manages to banter with Midge in a way that won’t give away just how well they know each other, and says absolutely nothing that is likely to offend the delicate minds of late-night TV viewers.

He slouches in his chair during the commercial break as Gordon gets up to talk to one of the producers. Gordon slips back into his seat when they get the 30-second call.

Lenny eyes Gordon for a moment, watching him shuffle his prompt cards.

“Twenty seconds!” calls the director.

“So,” Lenny says conversationally, “I hear you made Midge an offer a few weeks ago.” 

Gordon’s eyes snap up to Lenny’s, widening with shock.

“How did-”

“Fifteen seconds!”

“Now, I have to say, I’m a little hurt. 

“Ten seconds!”

“I was very stressed last time I was on here. Where was my offer?”

“And five, four...”

The director finishes the countdown silently, cuing Gordon to begin. He coughs and tries to smooth his expression into his usual poker face as the cameras turn back on them.

The next ten minutes are the longest of Gordon’s career.

____

“You know, Gordon, what I’ve really found in this business is that it’s not even what you do, but who you do it with,” Lenny says at one point.

“I absolutely second that!” Midge calls from offstage, and the audience laughs.

Lenny widens his eyes and ducks his head, chuckling.

“I did not mean it the way that sounded,” he swears, although Midge knows perfectly well that he did, as she waits to see where he takes it. “No, really, I promise, it’s actually a very wholesome observation.”

“Now that’s something new for you,” Gordon jokes, keeping the smile frozen on his face as Lenny looks up at him with a wicked smirk.

“What I mean is that it really matters who your friends are, you know? People always want something from you, or to talk to you, or, in my case, march up to you and tell you that you are singlehandedly destroying American morals. Even with the strongest spine in the world, everyone needs a little support sometimes. And friends who will really ... give it to you. Always willing to lend a hand.”

_____

"Now, see, Gordon and me, we both talk for a living,” Lenny says to the audience. “But only one of us becomes a threat to American decency, while the other becomes America’s sweetheart.”

“Hey, now, I thought I was America’s sweetheart,” Midge calls out, pouting behind her microphone.

“Too many scandals and too many blue jokes, I’m afraid. Too much like me!” Lenny calls back.

“Well, now I’m feeling a little left out,” Gordon jokes, and regrets it instantly.

“Don’t you worry that well-coiffed head of yours,” Midge says. “Hang around people like us long enough, something is bound to rub off on you.”

“We’ll find a way for that mouth to get you in trouble sometime, Gordy,” Lenny adds.

____

“You and me, Gordon, we can get away with the same look for years. I won’t even tell you the last time I performed in anything other than this suit. But take, oh, our mutual friend Mrs. Maisel over there, and I swear, every time I see her, there’s something a little different about her look. Even if I can’t quite ... put my finger on it.”

_____

“We’re just a few weeks out from wrapping for the summer. What are your summer plans?”

Lenny snaps his fingers and laughs nervously.

“Finally, a question that stumps me. Ah, Mrs. Maisel, why don’t you answer while I try to think of an answer that will let me maintain this whole cool-cat reputation while also sounding relatively non-threatening?

The audience laughs.

“Fine, fine, shall I tell these fine people all about the Catskills? Plenty of gossip, good food, and plenty of activities to take your mind off everything else.”

“So what’s your favorite?” Lenny asks, teeing it up so Midge can have this one.

“Hm,” she says, pretending to think for a moment. “You know, I really love a good, long, early morning ride.” She pointedly avoids Gordon’s face as she breezily continues without missing a beat. “Those bike trails are just beautiful!”

_____

“So.” Gordon says, the crew milling around as the audience files out.

“So,” Lenny echoes. Midge finishes whatever conversation she’s having with one of the techs and wanders over.

“Great show, guys!” she chirps. Gordon just looks at her, looking absolutely exhausted.

“So. You told him about -”

“Yup.”

“Because ... oh.”

“Yup.”

“You and he are ...”

“So much.”

“And so you decided -”

“To fuck with you on live TV? Yep!” she says, cheerfully. She turns to Lenny and adds, quiet enough that the passing crew won’t overhear, “I just have to grab my stuff from my dressing room, then we can grab a bite.” She strides away, leaving both men to watch her go.

“Can I ask you something?” Gordon asks.

“Shoot.”

“I, apparently, propositioned your ... girlfriend?” When Lenny shrugs, he continues. “And instead of, I dunno, socking me in the jaw, you ...”

“Make you squirm on national TV?” Lenny suggests. Gordon nods, and Lenny chuckles. “Look, Gordon, there are three reasons why we chose this path of vengeance,” he says, putting a dramatic emphasis on the word vengeance. “One, Midge didn’t actually take any offense. Two,” he counts off on his fingers, “you may look like that, but you are also one of the least threatening people I’ve ever met. And three? Well, this was so much funnier.”

[alixinwwonderland]

114, “ Don’t make me come over there myself! ”

This TV gig is different from anything Midge has done before.

There's the cameras, of course, but she did the telethon, and that ill-fated warm-up act for Sophie's show. There's the network standards and practices, but she's dealt with strict bookers before. And the TV audience really isn't that different from live audiences at clubs (just less drunk, which works in her favor as often as it works against her).

No, the real difference is having to work with other people.

It's not that Midge is averse to being a team player. In some ways, it's actually kind of fun to be part of a crew again. She's bonded fast with the makeup and wardrobe girls, and despite their, let's say, awkward start, she and Gordon have developed good banter on screen (her the jokester, him the amused straight man) and an equally friendly rapport when the cameras are off. She's even managed to get Mike to crack a smile once or twice, which, according to Gordon, is the biggest achievement of her career to date.

But it's strange performing as part of a team. When she's warming up the audience or entertaining between takes, it's always an a bridge to something else. When the cameras are rolling, she's constantly adjusting to the unique personalities of each night's guests, having to make them shine while getting in her quips in just a few lines. It's a new challenge, but a good one, and she starts to feel more capable in her abilities to meet it.

That is, until one particular guest shows up on Gordon's couch again.

She does her best to get through the taping without letting on about all the feeling roiling through her brain (and heart ... and stomach). That all goes out the window when Lenny makes a joke - ask her the next day, and she won’t even be able to tell you what the intial joke was - and, from her place behind the microphone off to one side, she sends a quip right back. 

There’s a beat as Lenny leans forward to look at her directly.

“Of course, you two know each other, don’t you?” Gordon says, cheerful as ever and completely oblivious to what’s actually unfolding on his set. 

Midge bites her tongue at the “interesting choice of words, there, Gordon” joke that comes to mind. Then she sees Lenny’s eyes glittering and his jaw clenching just a bit, and she knows - he thought of the same joke. Of course he did. Isn’t that how it works with them?

“A bit,” Lenny settles on, shooting a polite smile and a silly little wave her way. 

“’A bit’? Is that all it meant to you? My word, Mr. Bruce, I thought you were all about breaking laws, not hearts,” she jokes, and the audience laughs along, but when Lenny meets her eyes, still smiling for the cameras, it’s clear to her that he knows what she’s doing. 

“I am nothing if not a talented multitasker. Which, in this scenario, I assume you already know, Mrs. Maisel,” and there’s a challenge in those words, and they’re doing what they always do, which is talk about their feelings through roundabout hypotheticals, jokes, and references with more layers of veils than fucking Salome.

Midge pretends to think hard for a minute, then smirks for the benefit of the audience.

“Funny, I don’t know anything about that part,” she says. Turning back to her audience, she continues, “But I do know that this man, America’s most scandalous comedian, likes patterned socks.”

“And this woman, TV’s new favorite funny girl, slurps when she eats noodles!” Lenny calls over.

“Yeah, I do!” she declares. “But at least I don’t write in my books!”

“You thought that was fun!”

“Yes I did!” she yells back without missing a beat.

“Don’t make me come over there myself!” Lenny interjects, wagging a scolding finger in Midge’s direction.

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” Midge says primly. “And now we’re being very rude and ignoring our host. Sorry, Gordon.”

“Sorry, Gordon,” Lenny repeats sheepishly. “This conversation isn’t over!” he adds, pointing over at Midge.

“I look forward to it,” she says, and the warm feeling she gets when the corners of his mouth turn up in that smirk of hers keeps her buzzing until the director calls for a wrap.

She sees Lenny, lingering in the hall backstage, as she goes to collect her things.

“Drinks?” he asks, and it’s an olive branch and an invitation and a promise all at once.

“Of course.”