Everything list 2016
in 2016
ongoing: (-)
All caps, bold: MOVIE
regular: tv series
All caps: BOOK
All caps/italics: SCREENPLAY or PLAY
quotes: "web series/short film"
quotes italics: "short stories/screenplays"
[caps]: [(OFF)BROADWAY PLAY/MUSICAL]
[ ]: [fashion show]
star: album*
1/1 CONTAGION, billions ep.1, shameless s6 e1, Making a Murderer ep. 1-8, 10
1/2 MAGIC MIKE XXL, grey's anatomy s3 e8, sherlock christmas special, KATY PERRY: PART OF ME, OCEAN'S TWELVE, FAHRENHEIT 9/11
1/3 OCEAN'S THIRTEEN, PRIDE AND PREJUDICE, bob's burger s4 e6, grey's anatomy s3 e13, ANOMALISA, THE FOG OF WAR
1/4 "The Gay and Wondrous Life of Caleb Gallo," I'LL DRINK TO THAT (Intro/ch 1)(-), war and peace bbc ep1., NASTY BABY
1/5 fargo s2 e1, THE DESCENT
1/7 the challenge: battle of the bloodlines (7), THE MARTIAN
1/8 HE NAMED ME MALALA, 27 DRESSES
1/9 adele live in new york, NOTTING HILL
1/10 grey's anatomy
1/12 keeping up with the kardashians, the challenge battle of exes II
1/14 please like me season 1, the challenge battle of bloodlines, TITANIC(-)
1/15 please like me season 2, HANNA, please like me (2)
1/16 MAPS TO THE STARS, please like me (4), hell's kitchen, JIRO DREAMS OF SUSHI
1/17 american horror story: hotel, ALADDIN, please like me (4), grey's anatomy (2)
1/18 keeping up with the kardashians, sense8, shamelesss, BROOKLYN
1/19 BLING RING, BLING RING, SPOTLIGHT, MIDDLE OF NOWHERE(-)
1/20 grey's anatomy (2)
1/21 top chef, the challenge battle of bloodlines,
1/22 limitless, MAD MAX: FURY ROAD, top chef, the revenant "a world unseen" documentary
1/23 BLACK MASS, hell's kitchen, WHITEY: UNITED STATES OF AMERICA V. JAMES J. BULGER, chelsea does (3)
1/24 chelsea does, I KILLED MY MOTHER (J'ai Tué Ma Mére), MISS YOU ALREADY, [dior homme fw 16/17], [prada men fw 16/17], [moschino men fw 16/17], [alexander mcqueen men fw16/17], shameless, billions,
1/25 keeping up with the kardashians, GABRIEL, [louis vuitton men fw16/17], grey's anatomy, WINTER ON FIRE: UKRAINE'S FIGHT FOR FREEDOM,
1/26 the magicians, lucifer, "animal agent" (2), PRIDE AND PREJUDICE, THE HUNTING GROUND, bachelor,
1/27 SICARIO, "animal agent" (8), "Her Friends Adam," the flash
1/30 the challenge: the battle of bloodlines, hell's kitchen
2/2 2016 OSCAR NOMINATED LIVE ACTION SHORTS: "Ave Maria," "Day One," "Everything Will Be Okay," "Shok," "Shutterer," SON OF SAUL, grease live
2/3 the magicians, american crime story
2/4 top chef, suits (3), [ALLEGIANCE]
2/5 hell's kitchen
2/7 2016 OSCAR NOMINATED ANIMATION SHORTS: "Prologue," "Sansay's Super Team," "We Can't Live Without Cosmos," "World of Tomorrow," TRANSAMERICA, mad men ("Lost Horizon")
2/8 Nevermind by Nirvana*, In Utero - Nirvana*
2/9 chef's table, the magicians, SPRING BREAKERS, Ray of Light by Madonna*
2/10 45 YEARS, PRECARIOUS VISUALITIES (1 ch) (-)
2/11 american crime story
2/13 the challenge: the battle of bloodlines,
2/15 the challenge: the battle of bloodlines (repeat 2/14), grey's anatomy
2/17 hell's kitchen, shameless, keeping up with the kardashians, american crime story, broad city
2/18 suits, top chef, the challenge: the battle of bloodlines, the magicians, THE NIGHT BEFORE, suits, grey's anatomy, scandal
2/19 how to get away with murder, scandal, the challenge: the battle of bloodlines, top chef, [marc jacobs fw16/17], [alexander wang fw16/17]
2/20 project runway: all star, vinyl, "The Gay and Wondrous Life of Caleb Gallo," chef's table
2/21 chef's table (3), shameless, girls, togetherness,
2/22 vinyl, keeping up with the kardashians, the night manager, broad city
2/23 the magicians
2/24 american crime story
2/25 suits, survivial (2), grey's anatomy, scandal, how to get way with murder
2/26 top chef, MOUNTAINS MAY DEPART, amazing race (2)
2/27 amazing race
2/28 girls
2/29 hell's kitchen, the night manager, broad city
3/2 american crime story
3/4 hell's kitchen, survivor, grey's anatomy, how to get away from murder, top chef
3/5 house of cards
3/6 girls, shameless, STANDING TALL
3/8 KNIGHT OF CUPS, house of cards (3)
3/9 amazing race, the magicians, rupaul's drag race, american crime story
3/10 the magicians, broad city (2), survivor, hell's kitchen, [chanel fw 16/17], grey's anatomy, scandal, how to get away with murder, house of cards (4)
3/11 [saint laurent haute couture fw 16/17], THE WAVE, amazing race, house of cards (3)
3/12 BIG EYES, the fashion fund (2), house of cards (2), [wes gordon fw 16/17]
3/13 transparent, "ladders", DHEEPAN, shameless, girls
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3/14 togetherness (3), I am cait (2), bachelor
3/15 the night manager (2), gaycation, rupaul's drag race
3/16 gaycation (2), broad city, hell's kitchen
3/17 The Magicians, THE IMPOSSIBLE, grey's anatomy, how to get away with murder
3/18 scandal, daredevil (3)
3/19 top chef, daredevil (4)
3/20 daredevil (2)
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3/21 daredevil (2)
3/22 daredevil, rupaul's drag race, i am cait
3/23 daredevil (2), american crime story, [prada men fw 16/17]
3/24 broad city, gaycation, [prada fw 16/17], quantico, hell's kitchen, the night manager (2), the magicians, grey's anatomy, the family
3/25 scandal, the catch, gilmore girls (3)
3/26 gilmore girls (2), family (2), THE BIG SHORT,
3/27 STAR WARS VII: THE FORCE AWAKENS, togetherness, girls, BEETLEJUICE, gilmore girls (2), [gucci men fw 16/17], EVERYTHING IS COPY, shameless, girls, ANT-MAN
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3/28 togetherness, i am cait, THE CONJURING, visionaries: inside the creative mind Tom Ford, FRANNY AND ZOOEY (-), Only by the Night by Kings of Leon*, PANIC IN THE NEEDLE PARK (-)
3/29 rupaul's drag race, FRANNY AND ZOOEY (-), PANIC IN THE NEEDLE PARK
3/30 FRANNY AND ZOOEY (-), FREEHELD (-)
3/31 survivor, FRANNY AND ZOOEY(-), friends, grey's anatomy, scandal
4/1 FREEHELD, amazing race, the path (2), BUS STOP (-)
4/2 hell's kitchen, A SINGLE MAN, A SINGLE MAN
4/3 BIG HERO 6, gilmore girls (3), shameless, girls, togetherness
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4/4 quantico, THE DUFF, the magicians,
4/5 gilmore girls (5), MIDNIGHT SPECIAL, EYE IN THE SKY, american crime story, FRANNY AND ZOOEY (-)
4/6 gilmore girls (1), the magicians, broad city
4/7 grey's anatomy, scandal
4/8 the catch, [J.W.Anderson fw 16/17], the path, survivor, MIDNIGHT SPECIAL
4/9 gilmore girls (5)
4/10 NOTHING LEFT UNSAID: GLORIA VANDERBILT AND ANDERSON COOPER (-), girls
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4/14 SNOWPIERCER
4/15 grey's anatomy (2), amazing race
4/16 INTO THE WOODS, the girlfriend experience (13)
4/17 CONFIRMATION, girls (2)
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4/18 gilmore girls (5), NOTHING LEFT UNSAID: GLORIA VANDERBILT AND ANDERSON COOPER
4/19 gilmore girl (2), rupaul's drag race, EVERYBODY WANTS SOME
4/20 NOTHING LEFT UNSAID: GLORIA VANDERBILT AND ANDERSON COOPER, broad city
4/21 grey's anatomy, scandal
4/22 survivor, hell's kitchen, the catch (2), amazing race,
4/23 gilmore girls (3), Lemonade by Beyoncé (HBO), orphan black
4/24 gilmore girl, game of thrones, veep
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4/25 I am cait (2), rupaul's drag race, I Like It When You Sleep, for You Are So Beautiful yet So Unaware of It by The 1975*
4/26 quantico, I Like It When You Sleep, for You Are So Beautiful yet So Unaware of It by The 1975*, GREEN ROOM, gilmore girl (2), the path, DEADPOOL
4/27 the path (2), vice guide to film: david fincher, JURASSIC WORLD, survivor
4/28 grey's anatomy, scandal, Lemonade by Beyoncé*
4/29 million dollar listing new york, orphan black, amazing race
4/30 hell's kitchen
5/1 TEAM FOXCATCHER, penny dreadful, game of thrones, veep, quantico
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5/2 SOLARIS (2002), rupaul's drag race
5/3 THE THIN RED LINE, rupaul's drag race, the fashion fund (8)
5/4 the path, [chanel cruise 16/17 in cuba], MY GOLDEN DAYS, LA BARE, unreal (2), THE CRUCIBLE (-)
5/5 survivor, the challenge rivals III, unreal (3), grey's anatomy, scandal, orphan black, THE CRUCIBLE (-), KRIGEN (-)
5/6 amazing race, THE CRUCIBLE (-), million dollar listing: new york, grace and frankie
5/7 unreal (2), 10 CLOVERFIELD LANE, grace and frankie (2)
5/8 ali wong: baby cobra, unreal (3), grace and frankie (3), game of thrones, veep
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5/9 quantico, penny dreadful
5/10 grace and frankie (2), bianca's rolodex of hate,
5/11 grace and frankie (2)
5/12 the survivor, the challenge rivals III, the path, grey's anatomy, scandal, orphan black, million dollar listing: new york
5/13 amazing race, grace and frankie
5/14 chelsea (3), watch what happens live, girls (2), HIGH-RISE
5/15 chef's table (2), BOYHOOD, quantico, BEFORE MIDNIGHT (-)
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5/16 game of thrones, veep, A BIGGER SPLASH, THE CRUCIBLE (-)
5/17 A CLOCKWORK ORANGE, NOMA: A PERFECT STORM, A TINY FURNITURE, 2001: SPACE ODYSSEY, rupaul's drag race, keeping up with the kardashians
5/18 TWO DAYS, ONE NIGHT (-)
5/19 TWO DAYS, ONE NIGHT, THE CRUCIBLE, [THE CRUCIBLE], ANYWHERE BUT HERE
5/20 grey's anatomy, the challenge rivals III, orphan black
5/21 outcast, chelsea (3), ZOOTOPIA, the path
5/22 LOST IN TRANSLATION, game of thrones, veep
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5/23 preacher, keeping up with the kardashians, million dollar listing new york, FENCES (-)
5/24 bachelorette, EVERYTHING IS COPY, FENCES (-), THE LOBSTER, scandal, the path
5/25 the challenge rivals III, chelsea, FENCES (-), scandal
5/26 orphan black, how to get away with murder
5/27 FENCES, how to get away with murder, bloodline
5/28 chelsea (2), chef's table (3), bloodline (2), mr. robot
5/29 bloodline (3), game of thrones, veep
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5/30 the leftover, bloodlines (3), EDDIE THE EAGLE
5/31 WHEN HARRY MET SALLY (-)
6/1 WHEN HARRY MET SALLY (-)
6/2 the challenge rivals III, [dior 17 cruise], chelsea (2), chef's table (2), THE GIRLFRIEND EXPERIENCE
6/3 chelsea, million dollar listing new york, inside amy schumer
6/4 WHEN HARRY MET SALLY (-), chef's table, orphan black, black-ish(5), [BLACKBIRD]
6/5 vice guide to film: gus van sant, WHEN HARRY MET SALLY (-), [THE FATHER], game of thrones, veep, keeping up with the kardashians
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6/6 WHEN HARRY MET SALLY, gilmore girls, unreal
6/7 gilmore girls, [marc jacobs 17 resort]
6/8 THE GLASS MENAGERIE (-)
6/9 X-MEN: APOCALYPSE, casual (2), chelsea (2) american grit, the challenge rivals III
6/10 chelsa, [LONG DAY'S JOURNEY INTO THE NIGHT], million dollar listing new york
6/11
6/12
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6/13
6/14 unreal
6/15 chelsea
6/16 chelsea, the challenge rivals III, casual
6/17 [J.W. anderson men ss 17], orange is the new black (13)
6/18 million dollar listing new york, orphan black. roadies, preacher
6/19 NEIGHBORS 2: SORORITY RISING, masterchef, [prada men ss17], HARRY POTTER AND THE SORCERER'S STONE (-), game of thrones, veep, keeping up with the kardashians
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6/20 [gucci men ss17], preacher (2), [prada men spring ss17], ZOOLANDER 2, unreal (2), EJ NYC
6/21 mr. robot, casual
6/22 big brother
6/23 the challenge, masterchef, chelsea, unreal (3), real housewives of new york (4)
6/24 housewives of new york (2), big brother, mr. robot,
6/25 INSIDE LLEWYN DAVIS, million dollar listing new york, [dsquared2 men ss17], dsquared2 uncut behind the scenes ss17
6/26 looking, game of thrones, silicon valley, veep, keeping up with the kardashians
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6/27 big brother, roadies, [dior men ss17], mr. robot(5), emmy 16 drama actress roundtable, unreal
6/28 mr. robot (3), casual
6/29
6/30 big brother (2), chelsea, real housewives of new york, preacher, CAPTAIN AMERICA: CIVIL WAR
7/1 the challenge rivals III, million dollar listing new york, chelsea, HARRY POTTER AND THE PHILOSOPHER'S STONE
7/2 n/a
7/3 n/a
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7/4 keeping up with the kardashians, big brother, emmy 16 drama actor roundtable
7/5 unreal, friends
7/6 [chanel fw16 haute couture], friends
7/7 chelsea, [fendi haute fw16 couture], friends
7/8 real housewives of new york, chelsea, million dollar listing new york, big brother, gossip girl
7/9 [dior ss16], HARRY POTTER AND THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS, [valentino haute couture fw16], HARRY POTTER AND THE PRISONER OF AZKABAN, HARRY POTTER AND THE GOBLET OF FIRE
7/10 gossip girl, preacher, HARRY POTTER THE ORDER OF PHOENIX, HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF-BLOOD PRINCE, HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS PART I
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7/11 keeping up with the kardashians, preacher, HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS PART II, HARRY POTTER AND THE PHILOSOPHER'S STONE (-)
7/12 unreal, HARRY POTTER AND THE PHILOSOPHER'S STONE (-)
7/13 chelsea, mr. robot, HARRY POTTER AND THE PHILOSOPHER'S STONE (-)
7/14 chelsea, the challenge, real housewives of new york, masterchef, big brother, suits, emmy 16 comedy actress roundtable
7/15 chelsea, stranger things (8), roadies, secrets of the force awakens
7/16 BIG SHORT, roadies
7/17 parks and recreation (24), big brother, friends
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7/18 ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND (-), emmy 16 comedy actor roundtable, keeping up with the kardashians, preacher
7/19 ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND (-), unreal
7/20 ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND (-), START TREK INTO THE DARKNESS, lemonade by Beyonce*
7/21 ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND (-), The challenge, big brother
7/22 ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND
7/23 big brother (2), real housewives of new york, parks and recreation, roadies,
7/24 big brother
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7/25
7/27
7/28
7/29 chelsea
7/30 chelsea
7/31 chelsea
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8/1
8/2 HARRY POTTER AND THE PHILOSOPHER'S STONE (-), unreal
8/3 chelsea
8/4 big brother, suits, chelsea
8/5 chelsea
8/6 olympics men's gymnastics
8/7 gilmore girls (5), olympics swimming, women's gymnastics, keeping up with the kardashians
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8/8 big brother, unreal
8/9 THE LITTLE MEN, ANNIHILATION (-)
8/10 chelsea, ANNIHILATION (-)
8/11 chelsea, big brother, ANNIHILATION (-)
8/12 chelsea, ANNIHILATION (-)
8/13
8/14
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8/15 gilmore girls
8/16 gilmore girls
8/17 chelsea, gilmore girls, big brother
8/18 chelsea, big brother
8/19 chelsea
8/20 big brother, real house of new york (2), THE DISAPPEARANCE OF ELEANOR RIGBY: HIM, THE DISAPPEARANCE OF ELEANOR RIGBY: HER, THE PROGRAM, olympics men's 5000m, women's 4x400, men's 4x400, mend's 30m diving individual
8/21 ZERO DARK THIRTY, LOVE IS STRANGE, NIGHTCRAWLER
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8/22 keeping up with the kardashians, Channel ORANGE by Frank Ocean*
8/23 Channel ORANGE by Frank Ocean*
8/24 big brother, chelsea
8/25 big brother, chelsea, Blonde by Frank Ocean*
8/26 rupaul's drag race all star, chelsea, real housewives of new york, Blonde by Frank Ocean*
8/27 THE CONJURING 2, masterchef, MONEY MONSTER
8/28
8/29
8/30
8/31
9/1
9/2
9/3 big brother (2), real housewives of new york, masterchef (2), chef's table (2)
9/4 chef's table (2), WEINER, WHERE TO INVADE NEXT, JAMES WHITE
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9/5 JAMES WHITE
9/6 big brother
9/7 big brother
9/8
9/9
9/10
9/11 big brother, keeping up with the kardashians
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9/12 real housewives of new york
9/13 mr. robot (9), big brother
9/14 mr. robot, big brother, [alexander wang ss17 women]
9/15 american horror story, chelsea, [marc jacobs ss17 women]
9/16
9/17
9/18
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9/19
9/20 this is us
9/21 [burberry ss17 women], [gucci ss17 women], [fendi ss17], big brother
9/22 gilmore girls (season 2), [prada ss17 women], [fendi ss17 women], grey's anatomy, notorious, how to get away with murder
9/23 gilmore girls (season 2), [versace ss17 women]
9/24 gilmore girls (season 3), transparent
9/25 gilmore girls (season 3), quantico
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9/26 gilmore girls (season 2, 4), THE LEGEND OF TARZAN, presidential debate, gilmore girls (season 4, 3)
9/27 macgyver, hell's kitchen, WHEN HARRY MET SALLY, transparent (3), gilmore gilrs, this is us
9/28 chelsea, PERFECT BLUE, designated survivor
9/29 - 10/13 lost weeks:
gilmore girls (season 4-6), chelsea (6), black mirror (2), westworld, ANDRE'S MOTHER, TRAINSPOTTING, WOMEN HE'S UNDRESSED, FIRST POSITION, BALLET 422, BALLERINA'S TALE, GAYBY BABY, AMANDA KNOX, DANCER, THE IMITATION GAME, HUSH
10/13 gilmore girls (bon voyage), rupaul's drag race all star, speechless (2), westworld
10/14 rupaul's drag race all star, divorce, insecure, designated survivor (2), how to get away with murder
10/15 BY THE SEA
10/16 JOY
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10/17
10/18 STEVE JOBS
10/19 SUPERBAD, STAR WARS: FORCE AWAKENS
10/20 chelsea, SAUSAGE PARTY, TRAIN TO BUSAN
10/21 chelsea (2), this is us, how to get away with murder, hell's kitchen, hamilton's america
10/22 TICKLED, SWEENEY TOOD LIVE ON BROADWAY 1982 (-)
10/23 RENT LIVE ON BROADWAY 2008 (-), AMERICAN GANGSTER, COYOTE UGLY, shameless, westworld, insecure
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10/24 WE STEAL SECRETS: THE STORY OF WIKILEAKS, SWEENEY TOOD LIVE ON BROADWAY1982, divorce, high maintenance, MY OWN PRIVATE IDAHO, THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING, please like me
10/25 THE LORD OF THE RINGS: TWO TOWERS, THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE RETURN OF THE KING, chelsea
10/26 ELEPHANT, MiCHAEL MOORE IN TRUMPLAND, MILK (-), gilmore girls, chelsea, MOTHERS AND SONS
10/27 rupaul's drag race, chelsea, grey's anatomy, how to get way with murder, ANDRE'S MOTHER
10/28 THE WIBBLY, WOBBLY DANCE THAT CLEOPATTERER DID
10/29 THE HANDMAIDEN, AMERICAN HONEY
10/30 CHRISTINE, westworld, divorce, insecure, shameless, quantico, keeping up with the kardashian
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10/31
11/1 the fall (2)
11/2
11/3 AN EDUCATION, AN EDUCATION
11/4
11/5
11/6 westworld, shameless, divorce, insecure, keeping up with the kardashians
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11/7 quantico, survivor, hell's kitchen, snl, circus
11/8 homeland, JASON BOURNE, THE BOURNE IDENTITY, THE BOURNE SUPREMACY
11/9 THE BOURNE ULTIMATUM
11/10 BREAKFAST AT TIFFANY'S, ERIN BROCKOVICH, grey's anatomy, how to get away with murder, THE BOURNE LEGACY
11/11 SINGIN' IN THE RAIN, RECOUNT, survivor, designated survivor, american horror story, hell's kitchen, ERIN BROCKOVICH, MAGGIE'S PLAN
11/12 THE NEON DEMON, CAFE SOCIETY
11/13 shameless, quantico, keeping up with the kardashians, westworld
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11/14 ZERO DARK THIRTY, MOONLIGHT
11/15 SEX AND THE CITY, this is us
11/16 american horror story
11/17
11/18
11/19 FANTASTIC BEAST AND WHERE TO FIND THEM
11/20 THE EDGE OF SEVENTEEN, ARRIVAL, shameless, westworld
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11/21 please like me, divorce, insecure, designated survivor (2)
11/22 charlie rose (2), hell's kitchen, NOCTURNAL ANIMALS, gilmore girls
11/23 this is us, ARRIVAL, how to get away with murder, gilmore girls,
11/24 SNOWDEN, STAR TREK BEYOND, chelsea, PETE'S DRAGON
11/25 chelsea, gilmore girls a year in the life (2)
11/26 OTHER PEOPLE
11/27 please like me, gilmore girls a year in life (2), shameless, quantico
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11/28 gilmore girls a year in the life (2), westworld, divorce, insecure
11/29 BURN AFTER READING, BILLY ELLIOT, CLEOPATRA (-), this is us, MANCHESTER BY THE SEA
11/30 GOODWILL HUNTING, fresh off the boat (2), designated survivor
12/1 MARY POPPINS, fresh off the boat, o.j.: made in america
12/2 MANCHESTER BY THE SEA, THE BRONZE, MOONLIGHT, please like me
12/3 10 CLOVERFIELD LANE, SAUSAGE PARTY
12/4 shameless, westworld, divorce
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12/5 THE ROYAL TENENBAUMS, INTERSTELLAR, BEST WORST THING THAT EVER COULD HAVE HAPPENED, transparent. 2016 victoria's secret fashion show
12/6 THE FANTASTIC MR. FOX, transparent (2), JACKIE, this is us
12/7 JACKIE, transparent, designated survivor
12/8 please like me, fresh off the boat, hairspray live, CLOVERFIELD
12/9 JACKIE, medici: masters of florence (2)
12/10 medici: masters of florence (2), veep (2), black mirror
12/11 medici: masters of florence (4), veep (3)
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12/12 OTHER PEOPLE, LA LA LAND, black mirror: nosedive, divorce, top chef
12/13 america's next top model
12/14 ELLE
12/15 please like me, FOUR CHRISMASES, mariah's world
12/16 black mirror: san junipero, survivor, top chef, A DOG WALKER'S CHRISTMAS TALE, the oa (2)
12/17 the oa (4)
12/18 the oa (2)
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12/19 the real o'neals (season 1)
12/20 the real o'neals (8), mozart in the jungle (5)
12/21 mozart in the jungle (5), america's next top model, fresh off the boat
12/22 mozart in the jungle (8)
12/23 barracuda (2)
12/24 barracuda (2)
12/25 steeler vs. ravens, HOWL'S MOVING CASTLE, top chef
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12/26 sense8 christmas special, INTERSTELLAR
12/27 BARRY, black mirror: nosedive, 10 CLOVERFIELD LANE
12/28 HAIL, CAESAR!, america's next top model, GIOVANNI'S ROOM(-)
12/29 FLORENCE FOSTER JENKINS, mozart in the jungle (9)
12/30 CAPTAIN AMERICA: CIVIL WAR
12/31 top chef
3 notes
·
View notes
inspired by conversations with @wonderlandleighleigh and @ladygoddess87 and the never-ending source of humor that is horny!gordon.
Let’s place this in the add his initial to my monogram universe, a few months down the road, let’s say early May, 1961. Heads-up for talk of sexy things (in a very non-sexy manner).
“I’m just saying. You know. You seem stressed, and if you need a distraction... Well, I’ve never had any complaints.”
Midge stares at Gordon, her eyes wide and her jaw not dropping only through sheer force of will.
“I’m sorry, did you just ... offer to fuck me as a stress reliever?”
“Well... yeah?”
Gordon shrugs.
“Hey, no pressure,” he adds, patting her arm. “Just a friendly offer. Think about it, and, if you change your mind, just lemme know. Oh, hey,” he adds, spinning back on his heel so he can face her as he walks away backwards, “that Richard Burton joke tonight... inspired!”
_____
“He said what?!”
Midge grins at the rare sight of Lenny Bruce sputtering and lost for words.
“Yup.”
“And he offered...”
“A choice between fingers, tongue, or dick, whatever worked best for me. Yup. Apparently, he’s had ‘no complaints’ before,” she says, air-quoting for emphasis.
Lenny wheezes with laughter, then, when he gets a grip enough to sit upright again, tilts his head contemplatively.
“Well, shit, he didn’t offer me anything of the sort. And I was very stressed when I was on his show. Am I just not pretty enough?”
“I suspect it’s more your lack of these,” Midge says dryly, gesturing at her chest, where her new cobalt-blue dress is accenting everything she knows Lenny appreciates.
“Hey, he never saw me in my Navy days,” Lenny says, and now it’s Midge’s turn to double over with laughter.
_____
Gordon’s generous offer to Midge would have faded from memory in time. Neither of them ever brought it up again, and their casual friendship continued on its previous path. It all would have gone away, if not for a guest cancelling a day before a show and Lenny being available to appear at the last minute to fill the slot.
The first part of the interview goes well. Great, even. Lenny is a very good boy for the TV cameras, manages to banter with Midge in a way that won’t give away just how well they know each other, and says absolutely nothing that is likely to offend the delicate minds of late-night TV viewers.
He slouches in his chair during the commercial break as Gordon gets up to talk to one of the producers. Gordon slips back into his seat when they get the 30-second call.
Lenny eyes Gordon for a moment, watching him shuffle his prompt cards.
“Twenty seconds!” calls the director.
“So,” Lenny says conversationally, “I hear you made Midge an offer a few weeks ago.”
Gordon’s eyes snap up to Lenny’s, widening with shock.
“How did-”
“Fifteen seconds!”
“Now, I have to say, I’m a little hurt.
“Ten seconds!”
“I was very stressed last time I was on here. Where was my offer?”
“And five, four...”
The director finishes the countdown silently, cuing Gordon to begin. He coughs and tries to smooth his expression into his usual poker face as the cameras turn back on them.
The next ten minutes are the longest of Gordon’s career.
____
“You know, Gordon, what I’ve really found in this business is that it’s not even what you do, but who you do it with,” Lenny says at one point.
“I absolutely second that!” Midge calls from offstage, and the audience laughs.
Lenny widens his eyes and ducks his head, chuckling.
“I did not mean it the way that sounded,” he swears, although Midge knows perfectly well that he did, as she waits to see where he takes it. “No, really, I promise, it’s actually a very wholesome observation.”
“Now that’s something new for you,” Gordon jokes, keeping the smile frozen on his face as Lenny looks up at him with a wicked smirk.
“What I mean is that it really matters who your friends are, you know? People always want something from you, or to talk to you, or, in my case, march up to you and tell you that you are singlehandedly destroying American morals. Even with the strongest spine in the world, everyone needs a little support sometimes. And friends who will really ... give it to you. Always willing to lend a hand.”
_____
"Now, see, Gordon and me, we both talk for a living,” Lenny says to the audience. “But only one of us becomes a threat to American decency, while the other becomes America’s sweetheart.”
“Hey, now, I thought I was America’s sweetheart,” Midge calls out, pouting behind her microphone.
“Too many scandals and too many blue jokes, I’m afraid. Too much like me!” Lenny calls back.
“Well, now I’m feeling a little left out,” Gordon jokes, and regrets it instantly.
“Don’t you worry that well-coiffed head of yours,” Midge says. “Hang around people like us long enough, something is bound to rub off on you.”
“We’ll find a way for that mouth to get you in trouble sometime, Gordy,” Lenny adds.
____
“You and me, Gordon, we can get away with the same look for years. I won’t even tell you the last time I performed in anything other than this suit. But take, oh, our mutual friend Mrs. Maisel over there, and I swear, every time I see her, there’s something a little different about her look. Even if I can’t quite ... put my finger on it.”
_____
“We’re just a few weeks out from wrapping for the summer. What are your summer plans?”
Lenny snaps his fingers and laughs nervously.
“Finally, a question that stumps me. Ah, Mrs. Maisel, why don’t you answer while I try to think of an answer that will let me maintain this whole cool-cat reputation while also sounding relatively non-threatening?
The audience laughs.
“Fine, fine, shall I tell these fine people all about the Catskills? Plenty of gossip, good food, and plenty of activities to take your mind off everything else.”
“So what’s your favorite?” Lenny asks, teeing it up so Midge can have this one.
“Hm,” she says, pretending to think for a moment. “You know, I really love a good, long, early morning ride.” She pointedly avoids Gordon’s face as she breezily continues without missing a beat. “Those bike trails are just beautiful!”
_____
“So.” Gordon says, the crew milling around as the audience files out.
“So,” Lenny echoes. Midge finishes whatever conversation she’s having with one of the techs and wanders over.
“Great show, guys!” she chirps. Gordon just looks at her, looking absolutely exhausted.
“So. You told him about -”
“Yup.”
“Because ... oh.”
“Yup.”
“You and he are ...”
“So much.”
“And so you decided -”
“To fuck with you on live TV? Yep!” she says, cheerfully. She turns to Lenny and adds, quiet enough that the passing crew won’t overhear, “I just have to grab my stuff from my dressing room, then we can grab a bite.” She strides away, leaving both men to watch her go.
“Can I ask you something?” Gordon asks.
“Shoot.”
“I, apparently, propositioned your ... girlfriend?” When Lenny shrugs, he continues. “And instead of, I dunno, socking me in the jaw, you ...”
“Make you squirm on national TV?” Lenny suggests. Gordon nods, and Lenny chuckles. “Look, Gordon, there are three reasons why we chose this path of vengeance,” he says, putting a dramatic emphasis on the word vengeance. “One, Midge didn’t actually take any offense. Two,” he counts off on his fingers, “you may look like that, but you are also one of the least threatening people I’ve ever met. And three? Well, this was so much funnier.”
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