#cernu speaks

[c3rnunnos]

Ao3 baby come back I need my goodnight stories please

[inaleatherjournal]

Late at Night

(( A friend of mine have been doing Sunguard’s writing prompts and Ive been wanting to for a long time to write out this one for Vinnie. Im not in the guild, but I sure enjoy reading character stories from their page! )) A quill scratched across parchment, leaving behind graceful loops and swirls of words in its wake as Vinnie sat hunched under single floating bauble in darkened bedroom. Quiet snores of Mandulus could be heard from behind him. It was spur of moment borne from a conversation earlier with his husband about Dalheim and danger of his service to Silvermoon that all but reminded Vinnie of their ever presenting mortality. With a heavy sigh he finished his instruction to select firm who would be handling his will. “I, Vynistus Reynald D’Anastasis-Kazeral...” Vinnie winced at his full name, too pompous sounding, but such is required for formal notary. “Give full permission and responsibility to this firm to hold listed items until the time of my death. When I have passed, the firm shall have my permission to read and execute contents of my will to proper recipients. If at the time certain recipient  is found to be deceased, the letters and intended items shall go to my husband, Mandulus Alexsander Asadorian Kazeral the Third to do as he sees fit. Within envelope will be eleven letters to be personally read by person bearing names on each slip. My body is to be left in my husband’s, Mandulus, care and discretion. If at the time of my death I am separated from home, Dalheim Windchaser have full responsibility of returning me home. I also personally request this verbal message be delivered by the firm to one, Nauhil Kael Aranstus. - You get nothing you son of a bitch. Signed, Vinnie Kazeral” The bespectacled blond then blew on paper until the ink were dry enough and shuffled it into a folder along with list of items the firm would hold. The formal notary would have to be read and agreed upon with his executor soon as he brought what could be stored away in the vault. Then solemnly, with air of heaviness, he tucked each sealed letters into folders. It was emotionally and mentally draining to write every single one of them and he felt more tired than usual.

________________ Mandulus, @xxcrimsondreamerxx My light and my rock. In the envelope I leave you the key to my Father’s old estate, its coordinate and a vial. It is in shambles, worthless and ruined, but there are a vault holding many treasured possession that have passed through generations of my family. Do as you deem appropriate with them, there are fair number of things I believe our children would benefit from. I know I hardly talk about my family. What I never told you is that my Father valued bloodline more than anything else, while he placed bounty on me, he never ceased his hope that I, the black sheep, would return. With Solaris and Cernus, I am no longer the last of my line. Everything is warded to ensure only descendants of Remistus D’Anastasis may pass, but the spell might have worn down over years. Take the vial just in case, it holds my blood and is enchanted so you too, may enter. You’ve given me something far better than I dreamed, a good home within your arms, wonderful children, and a lifetime of loving you. With life I’ve led, I’ve always known that one day fate will come to take me away and knowing you… Please, my Love, dont despair. Take peace that while death may have physically separated us and my spot in bed next to you will be empty when you wake up to morning’s dawn. I will be with you in your heart and soul. Then when your time comes, we will be together again. By the light of the sun - eternally yours, Vynistus _______________ Dal, @dalheim / @bracelet00 My heart, my love, I give you my share of Fae’s Rest. It is only fitting that you own part of the Inn as I have and know you will always have a home away from home and a place in my family. In envelope you’ll find estate’s documents with your name on it, it will only need your signature. There are no words to describe my love and devotion for you. You’ve been my everything, as are Mandulus and Chiryn. My heart hurts as I write this, knowing that when you read this, I’ll be gone and it’s unfair as there’s nothing more I want than to spend an eternity with you. If there’s an after-death, I will be waiting for you. Yours always, Vinnie _____________ Alex,

My son, I leave you my journals and notebooks of my work. While I know your interest lies elsewhere, it holds many secrets you might find useful and skills to add to your repository of knowledge. I trust you will know what to do with it. You are turning into a fine mage. I am proud to call you my son and fortune had me lucky that I could be your parent. I may not be physically here to watch you turn into an exceptionally talented young man I know you will be, I will be with you. Please look after Daddy, he’s strong, but he wont be taking the news of my death well. Love,

Papa _______________ Asher,

My niece, I leave you Steel and her foal. Talbuks are loyal and fierce. Within their heart is need to run wild and roam, much like you.  May Steel and her children carry you far around Azeroth and beyond and be secure in knowing where ever you go, I will be with you. Ive never told you this, but your father and I are related. I know you will be angry over having been denied this knowledge earlier on, but know this - I wanted you to have a choice and when you choose to accept me as your Uncle, it was one of happiest day of my life. Thank you. Love,

your Uncle Vinnie ______________ Solaris and Cerenus,

My sons, I leave you my daggers. Krey’theis for Solaris and Tarum for Cerenus. They have served me well and their blades do not dull easily. Take them to a mage in Silvermoon and as you are my blood, they will know what to do to have it bonded to you. Having you two were best thing that had happened to me, Mama Keke, and Mandulus. I have watched you take your first steps, your first escape from Mama Keke’s pen, watched you two speak secret language only twins can understand, and grow quickly into pair of trouble makers. I could not be prouder or more fortunate to be your father. Please look after Mama Keke and may Krey’theis and Tarum protect you on your journey. Love,

Papa _____________ Arielle Dalheim,

My beautiful daughter. I leave you charmed protection brooch belonging to my sister. You were named after her and she was beautiful and headstrong just like you. You also have been given Dalheim’s name, bravest, most loyal elf I’ve come to know and I know you too, will grow to be strong and fierce as he is.  I leave as well a voice recording and photo so that as you grow, you’ll remember what I sound and look like and know that while I couldnt stay, I love you. Love,

Papa __________ Mama Keke, @the-flannel I’ve thought long and hard on what I could leave you, but couldnt come up with something you already have. We’ve shared bed, shared home, and you’ve carried my children, and done so much for me. I am forever in your debt. You’re of strong heart, strong will and I know you will go far in life. When time comes and all children have grown up, and you feel the itch to walk the land - Under floor board of seventh steps to the top floor of the Inn, there’s a precious stone that will call my old companion over. He will keep you company. Love,

Vinnie ___________ Kio, My good friend and lover. The forge have always been yours, but I leave you my tools, maps, and notes on good ore veins. I know you will make good use of it and may it bring fortune to you. We havent always been on best of terms, but know that I hold you to highest esteem and value your friendship more than anything. Thank you for being steadfast friend, always being there for me even when I have been distant. I do have favors to ask of you. Whenever chance you have, please have Dalheim’s back. He is loyal to a fault to his cause and I worry. And keep watch over Mandulus, he hasnt lived his life to fullest yet and I will be most disappointed if he spends it wallowing or hurries after me. Love, Vinnie __________ Chiryn, @meeshay

The apple of my eye and stealer of my heart.  I leave you a key to my safe in Silvermoon and my jewelry tool kit. I know you have a set of your own, but perhaps, you’ll know of someone who’ll put it to good use, someone as talented as you are. The safe holds my collections of gems and it would be a shame to let them gather dust. I expect you with your skill make good use of my gems and create many beautiful things to grace Azeroth. You’ve filled my life with joy and laughter and I am forever fortunate to have loved you. My only regret were letting you go. Know this as you journey through your life without me, I will be with you, if only in your heart and soul. Always yours, Vinnie ______________ Falothemier They’Aran,

Chunky. My oldest, most cherished companion. As arrogant as we Sin’dorei come off, we cannot live forever. I fear this is something you will learn far too soon as your kind have tendency to outlive. I leave you my most precious gem, a heart. I believe you will know what to do with it. Please watch over my family. I have given Ke’edil the stone you’ve given me and he certainly will feed you many cupcakes. May you grow old and wise, I will always be with you. Vinnie ____________ Bal and Riandis, My good friends. You both have been through best and worst time with my family.  I am always grateful and fortunate to have known you both. Within envelope will be a check for a hundred thousand gold to be put in your name. Make good use of the money, finish the garden, fix up the house, and get that wedding you both want. With all my love,

Vinnie

______________ The blond sniffled softly and sucked in through his nose sharply, not the one to cry as he folded folder’s flap intending to secure everything within. Then stopped. He wasnt quite done. Snatching another plain parchment, he dipped his quill and quickly scribbled another letter, blew on it, and folded it to tuck in with all other letters with a touch of wryness to corners of his lip.

“Nauhil, For fuck’s sake. Go be a proper father to Asher or I’ll haunt your sorry ass till the sun goes nova. Show this letter to Dalheim so he knows you have my permission, otherwise he’ll shoot you. Vinnie” END

[c3rnunnos]

Watched Transformers One yesterday with some friends. Had a really good time. Thoughts under the cut WITH SPOILERS. There are a ton of those in here. Please don't click the read more if you haven't watched the movie. I will not be held responsible if you click and then get mad.

Initial thoughts and some disclaimers

First of all, I watched it in Italian cause that's what I speak and that's the only language that was available in the cinema, and I have something to say about the voices. Elita's voice was pretty much perfect for her, a good match for the original, and the va was a big part of why I ended up liking her a lot. Bee's voice was very high and pitchy, but it made sense with how he moved and interacted with the world, and honestly I also tend to go really high pitched when talking about something enthusiastically so it was nice. Orion's voice was pretty good, not as deep as I was expecting it to be, but it fit rather well with the rest of the voice cast. D-16's voice... It was alright. It fit rather well in the first part of the movie, but when we got to the violent revolution part, ah... There wasn't enough of a shift to make me think "ah, yes, this is Megatron". He sounded like a guy being mad he was stuck in traffic. Though, there were certain scenes where the VA gave a brilliant performance.

Second thing, I watched it with a couple of friends, one of which only knows Transformers from my unhinged rants and one who came along to watch a movie he had no knowledge of high, and it was a fantastic experience. Friend A gave me some comments after the movie about Sentinel that I couldn't help but agree with, and Friend B locked in when watching the Iacon infrastructure and mining environments (as he is quite good at planning infrastructures, and was going insane over how weird it was). Bringing both of them with me was great, especially for certain specific scenes I'll get into later. I watched the movie while also watching for their reactions, and it was a very good time to see people I loved have fun like me - but as my attention was a bit split, I might be misremembering stuff.

Actual thoughts on the movie itself

Alright, so.

The entire thing with a working class that had their t-cogs removed was insanely interesting in my opinion. The fact that the propaganda and grueling work hours kept the masses low and entertained while bots with cogs enjoyed their races and lives was interesting. It felt like a facet of Functionism came through with that - and while the bots who could transform were (I believe) free to do whatever, the cogless were stuck working as part of a production machine for Sentinel. I loved seeing how the panem et circense wasn't enough for all of them - how Orion yet thirsted for knowledge and for a life he could live away from the mines.

Which, I enjoyed how D-16 was the one that acted as a buffer for Orion's bullshit (and I say this lovingly, I adored Orion in the movie), and how he was so... Complacent in the abuse he was undergoing. He loved Sentinel as a symbol, he was glad for his job, he didn't want to see that a society that treats people as objects to discard maybe wasn't good. He had a place to sleep, he had fuel, and he had Orion, and that was enough. Maybe that's why his speech hit different, when he got to the breaking point.

Thoughts on Orion later cause they tie into different stuff.

Elita was also very real - someone who desperately is trying to claw her way out of a horrible situation through hard work and discipline, who doesn't want to take any chances lest she falls down back into the pit she crawled out of. I liked how she was decisive and how she used her knowledge of train routes to do 9/11 on Sentinel's office. Go girl. Also I am weak for two wheelers and she was so fucking cool when she fought and transformed.

B-127. Ohhh Bee. He is my favorite ever, I have three figures of him plus the lego Bumblebee, and I love him dearly. I didn't know what to think of him when I saw the trailer, but then I saw the state he had been living in and yea, the isolation would drive someone insane to that point. I liked how he was ride or die for people he had just met. He was so lonely and needed to talk so much after forever spent in unknown levels. His excitement over being able to transform and simply help was amazing. He has knife hands! Good for him! A bit insane but good for him!

Also, as mentioned before, since I watched it in a different language everything had to be adapted, including the important speeches and the jokes. Unfortunately, there was no cool "DECEPTICONS RISE UP", and there was no cool "TRANSFORM AND ROLL OUT", but there was Bee exclaiming "Nice! I get to be a government employee!" which was fantastic to hear in Italian, especially with the view we tend to have of government employees. Overall, the jokes had to be rewritten or adapted carefully, but they still made me chortle more than a few times. A few even got my friends, which was great.

Now... Speaking a bit of the plot and environments... For they are tied by the narration.

The environments were... Insane??? Holy fucking shit? Cybertron was teeming with life, it was shifting and alive and colorful. The colors were bright and saturated, felt like a fever dream. The surface was a wide expanse of possibilities, the auroras were delicate dashes of color in the sunset, the rock surfaces transformed like Primus himself was quietly stirring. Cybertron is techno-organic in the way that you would define a rusted over and overgrown metal building techno-organic, and I would bet good money that the organic components of the surface were brought in by the Quintesson occupation.

Which, the Quintessons. Disgusting critters. Insects with hard carapaces, laser guns, and enough of a population to be a swarm. Their ships are the definition of megalophobia. Their relentless search for cybernetic lifeforms to shatter and take was terrifying. The moment they first appeared, the genre shifted to survival horror. And then, we learn why they're still here, through Alpha Trion's powers.

Sentinel. Sentinel Sentinel Sentinel. He's horrible. I need him carnally. He was a fake through and through, and yet he compelled me. Its difficult to find villains that are villains cause they suck nowadays, they always have to have a sad backstory. Sentinel was simply... Ambitious. Ambitious to the point of it being detrimental to himself, in the long run, and whole he created an incredible ruse and fooled an entire society for millenia, that ambition still got him killed in the end. Seeing the scene of his betrayal in the cave with Alpha Trion was amazing - watching him beg for more time with the Quintessons, hating them despite knowing he has dug his own grave was compelling. Seeing him crawl away from Megatron at the end was incredible. Seeing him die changed my brain chemistry (and look! His frame greyed out in the end! What a detail!). (Also, nice callback to Jazz's death in Transfomers 2007.)

And, D-16. Megatron. It was quite a tonal shift, to watch him rave about wanting to kill Sentinel to Orion, Elita and Bee in the cave. There was no music, only a droning sound. You could feel the rage in his words. You could see that he would go through with it, even if he had to destroy himself in the process. His shift from a cowering kissass to a mech with nothing to lose but his chains was a delight spiral into villainy. He took to the Elite Guard's way of the strong like a fish to water. He got a taste of power, and then he let himself be drowned in it - despite the efforts Orion put in trying to stay with him, trying to help.

And here we also go with the Orion thoughts. Orion himself was a favorite. He went from a bit annoying but fun and capable, someone who wanted desperately to be able to live a life that was more than the mines, that wanted his friends to be considered more than meets the eye, to someone who was almost desperately trying to keep D-16 together as everything they had worked towards spiraled out of control. The way he got more quiet (somber) and desperate as the movie went on was very, very good. Yes, he was big and bright and bold. Yes, he went back to the mines to get the help of his friends. Yes, he didn't want Dee to kill Sentinel because he didn't want him to fall to that level. Yes, I think Sentinel should've died too, but... Orion was trying to expose the mech. Public opinion would've scalped him anyways, after the stunt they managed to pull. And Megatron committed a crime a passion under the guise of revolution. He strayed from the path of revolution the moment he shot through Orion. Gosh.

When Megatron shot Orion, my god. I was jittery with excitement. My friends were horrified and stuck staring at the screen. And then, "I'm not saving you anymore", and letting him go, and just. Gosh. The betrayal was expected. It still hurt.

The fall into the center of Cybertron, the way that Megatron ended up killing Sentinel, the Matrix choosing and rebuilding Optimus, Megatron rallying the people to destroy. Optimus' return. Their fight. The banishment. This was such a bad breakup for them. God.

A couple of things I wish would've been different

I wish the runtime for the later part of the movie was longer. I would've loved for the Elite Guard (the soon to be Decepticons, really) to have had more of a role in the movie. I love Shockwave dearly, and Soundwave was quite cool, but I wish they had a more relevant part in D-16's fall towards being Megatron.

Starscream, gosh. Always trying to rule, isn't he? Bet he didn't expect a miner to be able to beat his ass. Bet he didn't expect to have his vocalizer crushed into malfunctioning. And yet, I wish he had a more relevant role. I wish we got to know the disgraced members of the Elite Guard.

I wish we got to know the miners, the Autobots, the poor unknowing slaves that Orion wanted more for. I wish Jazz got to stab someone. I am weak to murder psy op fiend Jazz.

Jazz was cute! He was really cute. I liked how he flicked his wings at the end. He was... also voiced by a youtuber I used to watch when I was 13 and that immediately made me want to commit a crime! Like I love that guy but that was NOT the voice to give the Jazzmech. They whitewashed my mans (joke)

Also, severe lack of every Autobot and Decepticon outside of group shots. But that's ok cause this is a movie that doesn't reach 2 hours and not a full series. But gosh what I wouldn't give for a full animated series in this setting.

And that's a wrap!

I've spat all my thoughts on here. Might add more later. My brain is fused. I hope I didn't make many grammar mistakes and typos. Have a good day.

[c3rnunnos]

Gonna be a downer tonight and say that as much as I love the opportunities to learn and to meet new people that technology has given me, I still hate it more and more the older I get.

This is kinda weird coming from someone that seems to be always on Tumblr, but I really.... Really am coming to hate technology with a passion. Nothing seems to work. Everything has to update or else. You could be using your computer in the way that you always did and suddenly boom, your antivirus decides a problem is happening even though you didn't do anything. Corporations steal my information and I have to always be connected. "oh we don't use that app for videocalling, can you download this one?" "oooh we need you to sign up for this, or else we will deny you service!" "oooh there are sudden damaged files in your pc, make a scan to fix it!" how about I cry instead.

I am becoming increasingly technophobic, yet I rely on technology to keep in contact with loved ones and do my hobbies, and I just wish i could stop, or that all of this continuous updating could stop and tech companies would finally optimize their damn products instead of releasing wildly unoptimized and vulnerable shit into the world. I am currently so full of rage and anxiety because my pc gave me and alert and I will not be able to sleep tonight. Thank fuck my dad is there to check things with me and hold my hand as I scan stuff, and I dread the day when he will be gone and I won't have his calming presence beside me as I do yet another scan or try to download a program.

This is depressing, and anxiety inducing, and I'm so done with technology and cannot let go of it. What the fuck.

[c3rnunnos]

Augh ao3 is down again.... My bedtime stories..... Suffering.....

[c3rnunnos]

Ao3 is the site that has given me the most tech induced breakdowns in the past year, between going down randomly, logging me out due to too much cache, having to change my password cause the old one wasn't working for some fuckin reason, and now. Today. Logging me out continuously as my panic increased more and more.

Literally was in tears as my sister checked what was happening lmao, and then she logged in with her own account and it kept doing that to her too so we figured out it was another ao3 thing. I don't need this please

[c3rnunnos]

Small life (?) update

21/01/2024

I'm proud of a little thing that happened today and I will scream about it! I managed to open and use the computer :)

I spent almost 5 months not touching it due to a fun little... phobia (?) I developed of it (specifically, of my own personal computer. I can use other pcs just fine).

Checked that it was working a couple of weeks ago, and today I managed to sit down and write some stuff/edit a lil thing for about an hour without getting an anxiety attack. I'd say that's pretty neat!

I hope that next I'll be able to sit down and relearn how to use krita, little by little, and that I'll be able to make myself sit down and buy a ps plus subscription so I can play bloodborne with some pals. I'd like to get the ps plus subscription by the end of the month, so I'll need to pester a friend to help me out because I'm kinda stupid with technology. As for krita, I hope that by next year I'll be able to draw digitally again.

[c3rnunnos]

Ok i gotta. In the upcoming week I HAVE to finally open the pc again and let it run... Four months of windows updates. And of discord updates. And steam updates. And I have to grab a pal and have him uninstall Minecraft cause he may have gotten it for me but I haven't ever used it on my computer cause I don't like playing alone and hamachi doesn't work and seeing Minecraft in the corner makes me want to tear my skin off (ever since he put it there I've been getting notifications from windows like "buy this Xbox controller!" leave me alone leave me ALONE why am I getting ads on the base interface of my personal computer what the fuck where is my privacy why is there a guy selling me shit in the corner if I wanted to buy something id go to a store or on ebay fuck you fuck you fuck you how do I turn that shit OFF)

Like I know technically it's just a matter of sitting down and letting it do its thing (run updates till it's happy) but jaysus the hatred (anxiety) I feel for having to do this is immeasurable. But I'll have to do it. To draw digitally. And to play stardew and other games (I wanna play blasphemous....). And to finally put almost 30k of words on an actual document instead of letting it sit in discord messages (and to keep writing god I wanna keep writing so bad)

Yeah anyways if I manage to finally do this damn update I'll reblog this saying I did it but. I'm not hopeful. Brain juices are saying computer bad and I'm a slave to them as of now.

[c3rnunnos]

I'm sorry to those that followed me for mandela catalogue art or for fromsoft art but alas my life has been devoured by transformers and I don't have the drive to post my doodles so have a deluge of reblogs of big robots. And of cloud strife

[c3rnunnos]

Just witnessed the incredible. My trusted favorite bookstore has the yolopark kits for Starscream and Soundwave available for order. I know what I'm doing thing afternoon when I get home. Oh my fuckin God. Little guys here I come

[c3rnunnos]

The 'For you' section of my Tumblr dash is haunting me with House of Leaves posts. I think it is a sign from God, or whichever entity is playing jokes on me, to find a copy and read it.

[c3rnunnos]

I am going to bite through concrete, for my aunt has gifted me a tfa prowl, which means I have 1) a prowl and 2) one of my favorite prowls and 3) HOLY SHIT PROWL??? IN MY HOUSE?? AVAILABLE FOR ME TO STARE AT????? it's more likely than you think

I am so fucking happy. I will treat him well. He will get the reclining chair to chill in. LOOK AT HIM LOOK AT MY WIFE LOOK AAAAA I grisps him. Gently.

[c3rnunnos]

Small malfunctions in tech got me shaking and crying like a stressed horse. I should kick something about it

[c3rnunnos]

Gonna go watch tf one again with a different friend today! Very excited especially since I uh. I didn't know there was a post credit scene the first time. Literally found out through YouTube throwing me a video yelling "TF ONE POST CREDIT SCENE spoiler spoiler spoiler" and then I raged.

It could've been at the end of the movie. No need for a post credit scene. Please. Please. Please.

In any case I can't wait to see my babygirl Sentinel again :) and my girlfailure of a gf Shockwave and her scary wife Soundwave. Love them so much.

(Also I'll be studying how the mechs are made this time around so I can draw my silly little ocs and my silly little sona when I get home.)

[c3rnunnos]

just watched nimona and jesus fuckin christ man. i cried for the last 30 to 40 minutes of the runtime uninterrupted, full on sobbing and bawling and clutching my face and weeping the whole time and i only managed to calm down when my sister held my head and listened to me rant a bit about it once i finished the movie. i went through two fabric tissues, which usually last me around a week, because i was crying so much. i dont think any movie has elicited such a visceral response from me, and i cry at literally any movie i watch. i am going to remember this for a long time. 

“i see you”.

fucking hell. the more i grow the more im happy im alive, cause i get to see things like these. thank you nimona. god, i’m about to start crying again. good movie.

[c3rnunnos]

I need to rip astarion apart and eat his guts sloppy style RIGHT NOW or else I die