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slaymitchabernathy · 2 months ago

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The Nanny

On a quiet morning, when spring and warmer weather were finally on the cusp of the Capitol, Soarynn was stumped by a question that caused her fingers to stop their memorized pattern of braiding Ceraphina's hair.

"Soarynn, how do you know when you're in love?"

Soarynn blinks once, twice, three times. She's never really thought about that before. Of course, she's thought about love, being in love, falling in love. But truly, how does one know when they're in love?

"I...I don't know darling," she admits, grabbing another blonde curl and tucking it into the braid, "I suppose you just wake up one morning and know that you're with the right person."

"Okay, but how?"

Clearly, Soarynn's answer is insufficient for the young girl who's getting to that age where everything is "so romantic." Soarynn remembers being that way when she was little, thinking it was so wonderful how every adult around her was in love. Watching adults hold hands while crossing busy streets and share warm drinks on cold nights was the ultimate tribute to being in love in her eyes.

It also didn't help that she had grown up without witnessing her own parent's love due to the unfortunate death of her mother. She's sure that Ceraphina had experienced a bit of that as well, even though she knew her mother before she passed away.

But Coriolanus and Livia were never in love.

He's admitted to that countless times since they started courting, talked about how Livia made him feel as if he were stuck in the middle of a business arrangement. It often leads Soarynn to wonder how many other couples are simply together for all the wrong reasons and if she and Coriolanus are together for the wrong ones as well.

Not that there's anything wrong with them. After that little hallway incident, he's been nothing but sweet, showering her with words of adoration, tokens of his affection, and sweet gestures that go above and beyond. He's certainly a charmer.

But sometimes she wonders about how they met, how strange it is that a nanny ended up with her employer and then she just ends up feeling strange and icky.

At least she didn't break up their marriage. That's something she constantly reminds herself of. Their marriage was broken long before she came to the Snow family.

"It's this feeling you get inside of you," Soarynn says, placing a hand over her heart, "this feeling that you simply can't live without this person and you want to do everything with them, no matter how mundane or uncomfortable. With the love of your life, everything makes sense."

Ceraphina tilts her head, "Are you in love with Daddy?"

Soarynn already knows how she feels about Coriolanus, but she doesn't always know how he feels about her.

"I care very deeply about your father," she smoothly answers, giving Ceraphina a tight-lipped smile through the mirror's reflection. Ceraphina returns it with one of her own and kicks her feet as they dangle off the vanity stool, "Is Daddy your best friend?" Soarynn raises her eyebrows, she has friends, but a best friend is something she hasn't considered.

But the more she thinks about it, the more it seems plausible. They see each other every day, they spend lots of time together, they joke and laugh with one another, he makes her happy, she feels as though she can tell him anything. They're honest with each other.

Isn't that what a best friend is?

"He is," she confirms with a more genuine smile this time, "spending time with your father makes me very happy." Ceraphina giggles and cranes her neck back so that she's looking up at Soarynn, "Good! Because I asked him last night and he said that you were his best friend!"

Soarynn's eyes widen in surprise, she's forgotten how involved the girls can get with her relationship with their father. At first, she had worried there might be jealousy. They were the only girls in his life and now there was another woman but that wasn't the case. No, the girls were elated to have Soarynn and their father together, a little too elated sometimes since they were constantly hinting at marriage.

Which sometimes worried Soarynn because she didn't want to get her own hopes up let alone the children's. Coriolanus hadn't really ever talked about getting married again and it's not like she could blame him when his last marriage had a bit of a traumatic ending.

"Well, I'm glad that we're on the same page," she says, tying up Ceraphina's hair with a ribbon, "and you look so pretty darling, this is the perfect look for the museum today." Ceraphina smiles at her reflection, admiring Soarynn's handiwork with her hair, "Thank you!"

Soarynn presses a kiss to the top of her head before Ceraphina hops off of the stool and runs out into her bedroom, leaving Soarynn alone in the bathroom with a looming question.

Does Coriolanus see her as a potential wife?

꧁ ꧂

After contemplating her relationship in the bathroom for a good five minutes, Soarynn gathered herself and her thoughts before making her way out into the girls' room and instructing them to put on their shoes so they could depart for the museum.

"I'll go get your brother's shoes on and meet you in the hallway," she tells them, waiting for nods of confirmation so she can actually trust them to do what she said. Once both girls dutifully bob their heads up and down, Soarynn slips out into the hallway and heads toward Caspian's room. But then she stops when she sees several Avoxes walking in and out of the one room that is practically off-limits.

The master bedroom. Where she sleeps almost every night.

The Avoxes appear to be carrying lots of boxes in and out of the room which puzzles Soarynn. Just this morning she woke up in the arms of her lover and he hadn't mentioned any new furniture being moved into the room. Perhaps it's something that Eudora planned out and Coriolanus simply forgot about it.

Soarynn shrugs it off and gently opens the doors to Caspian's room, finding him right where she left him, on his new bed. Caspian has slept in a crib since the day she started working for the Snows but just last week he got a brand-new bed.

A "big-boy bed."

He's been very pleased with himself and his new bed, constantly climbing in and out of it for the fun of it. Coriolanus had worried that he might try to slip out of his room in the middle of the night but Soarynn reminded him of Caspian's inability to reach the door handles and that calmed him down.

It certainly is adorable to see him so excited about his new bed and the best thing about it is that he can now fit more stuffed animals on it compared to his crib where his space was more limited.

"Lenny go museum," he says the moment he lays eyes on Soarynn. The two-year-old boy has become more and more determined to bring Lenny everywhere and Soarynn has become more and more discouraged to argue with him since it'll often end in a tantrum. And for Caspian, a tantrum is him sitting facing the wall and not talking to anyone for at least two hours.

Which is the best tantrum she's ever seen but it's still a tantrum nonetheless.

"Lenny can come to the museum darling," she reassures him, "but we've got to get your shoes on first." His eyes scan his bedroom floor and Soarynn does the same thing because she swears that she laid out his shoes earlier this morning. Unless a certain toddler moved them and can't remember where he put them.

"You wouldn't happen to know where they are, would you Cas?"

He averts his gaze, staring up at the ceiling instead and Soarynn laughs, "I'll take that as a no." That's okay, he has more shoes than he'll ever need so she just goes into the closet to find another pair. She dressed him in khaki-colored pants, a little white shirt, and a red coat to go overtop for when they're outside. Soarynn grabs a small pair of brown leather shoes, humming to herself as she undoes the tiny laces. The thing she loves about children is how cute their clothes are.

She wonders how tiny baby clothes can get.

Does Coriolanus want another baby if they get married?

She really needs to get a grip on her thoughts because this is getting out of hand. Right now, all she needs to focus on is the children.

She has to be the nanny.

꧁ ꧂

There are days when Soarynn only sees Coriolanus once. Breakfast is a promised meeting time for the entire family no matter what the day holds and Soarynn looks forward to it immensely. The girls get to talk to Coriolanus until his ears fall off and Caspian gets to be near his father which is more than enough for him. Breakfast isn't really the time for Soarynn to butt in and talk, not when she often spends the nights with Coriolanus, wrapped up in his sheets.

But today is not one of those days. Because there are days when a person keeps running into the same person over and over again, as if the universe wants them to be together. Even if Soarynn has mixed feelings about that person right now because she doesn't know if he wants to get married and have more children with her.

Which is so utterly ridiculous and she knows that but it doesn't stop her heart from beating faster and faster whenever she thinks of him. Get it together, she tells herself while carrying a sleepy Caspian on her hip, you can talk to him about it tonight. The museum had been wonderful today, a new exhibit about the ocean opened up and the girls loved every second of it. The exhibit mostly focused on different marine life and even had a real whale skeleton.

Needless to say, they were at the museum for a long time.

Caspian was already falling asleep in the car but Soarynn tried to keep him awake until they got back home so she could put him down for a proper nap. "Bed," he mumbles while nuzzling his head against her neck. Soarynn hums, brushing some of his hair out of his face, "I know sweet boy, we'll get you down for a nap."

They ran into Eudora when they got back home and she took the girls to get a snack so Soarynn could put Caspian down for a nap. Soarynn starts walking up the back staircase, her head down as she focuses on the steps when she notices a pair of black leather shoes pass by her going in the opposite direction. She immediately looks up when the scent of roses washes over her and comes face to face with a grinning Coriolanus.

Her heart might beat out of her chest, she doesn't know why she's suddenly so nervous around him, it's probably got something to do with her stupid thoughts about the future and what it holds for them.

"Well isn't this a pleasant surprise?" He says, resting a hand on her arm. Soarynn forces a smile onto her face and nods, "Yes, yes it is. We just got back from the museum." A wave of recognition washes over his porcelain face, "Ah yes, I remember you mentioned it this morning at breakfast."

Soarynn hums but doesn't say anything else which is ironic since she's usually thrilled to run into Coriolanus in the middle of the day. He rarely ever leaves his study if he's working from home.

He furrows his eyebrows, looking her up and down in a concerned manner, "Are you feeling alright darling?"

"Mhm."

Caspian lifts his head after hearing his father's voice, "Lenny go nap."

Coriolanus gives Caspian a gentle squeeze, fixing the collar of his little coat, "Lenny isn't the only one who needs a nap." Soarynn chuckles softly, Caspian often projects his needs and wants onto Lenny, "What were you doing upstairs?" She asks, her curiosity getting the best of her. Coriolanus is a man who values routine and the only time he ever comes upstairs is if he needs to change his clothes but he appears to be wearing the same outfit he wore to breakfast this morning.

He coughs into his fist, looking down at the floor, "Just needed to grab something."

Now they're both lying.

"Alright. Well...I'll see you later then," she says softly, taking another step up. Coriolanus gives her a grunt of approval, "Yes, I was thinking we could have dinner tonight." She doesn't know if she can survive dinner with him tonight, not with her own thoughts running wild but she doesn't want to be rude or ungrateful, "That sounds wonderful," she lies.

He smiles although it doesn't reach his eyes the way a genuine smile does and leans forward to press a kiss to her cheek, "I'll see you tonight then darling."

Soarynn nods and turns to go up the rest of the stairs but she stops herself midway, unable to stop herself from asking the question that's been burning in her mind since doing Ceraphina's hair this morning, "Actually I," Coriolanus stops in his tracks, looking up at her from the first landing of steps, "Yes?"

Soarynn feels a rush of embarrassment wash over her. What a stupid thing to ask him right now, "Never mind," she says, going up the rest of the steps before he can stop her.

Soarynn scolds herself for acting so...so stupid! This morning she felt perfectly normal around Coriolanus, giddy even but now she can barely look the man in the eyes without wanting to ask him if they're ever going to get married or have children.

At least she has until tonight to get her thoughts and her act together.

Soarynn pads into Caspian's room, changing him into pajamas before tucking him into his new bed. She kisses his forehead and sings his favorite song, the meadow song, watching him drift off to sleep with Lenny in his grip. Soarynn watches him sleep for a while, enamored by the sweet boy who calls her his mother despite having no blood relation.

If Caspian considers her his mother then why should she even worry about Coriolanus wanting more children? Ceraphina, Celeste, and Caspian are more than perfect. If anything, Soarynn is selfish for wanting more children.

There, problem solved.

꧁ ꧂

"Soarynn dear, could you run this over to Coriolanus?"

Problem not solved.

Soarynn might throw up.

She just got downstairs after putting Caspian down for his nap and she was feeling much better before Eudora asked her that question. She thought she just solved her problem but just hearing his name made her feel nervous. She brushes her hair behind her ears, looking around the room to make sure that Eudora is talking to her and not someone else named Soarynn.

"Don't you want to do it?" She asks, doing her best to sound casual while stepping into the dining room. Eudora and the girls are all sitting at the table, cookies and tea in front of them although it looks like the girls are drinking apple juice from the tea cups instead of actual tea.

Eudora waves her off as if she's doing Soarynn a grand favor, "You'll be fine, just hand him this file. He asked me to go over it this morning for the upcoming Hunger Games."

Ah yes, the Hunger Games that Coriolanus has to keep running because apparently, his father created them. The night that Coriolanus told Soarynn about Lucy Gray, he also told her more about the origin of the Hunger Games and how his father and Casca Highbottom created them. It was apparently a drunk joke that was made but it turned into something much more sinister once it was written onto paper and turned in as an assignment to Dr. Gaul, one of the Head Gamemakers.

It had honestly horrified Soarynn to know that the reasoning behind twenty-four children being forced to fight to the death was due to a drunk joke but she kept those thoughts to herself. It's not like she could stop them now. Coriolanus didn't seem ecstatic about them either but as President of Panem, it was his job to see to it that they continued this pageantry.

Lucky him.

Soarynn slowly takes the file from Eudora, holding it at arm's length like it's a ticking time bomb, "I'll go give it to him," she finally says, accepting her fate. Eudora gives her a questionable look but nods, "We'll be right here dear."

"Tell Daddy we said hi," Celeste tells Soarynn who swallows and turns to walk back out of the dining room, a dark cloud looming over her once more.

She all but drags her feet down the long hallway that leads to his study, a hallway she normally skips down because it means getting to see Coriolanus. But not today.

She stops once she reaches the doors that lead to his study when she notices that they're not all the way closed. She can hear two muffled voices, male voices, one belongs to Coriolanus, and the other she can't quite place. It's terribly rude to eavesdrop but Soarynn can't help but lean in a little closer to peer inside of his study.

She can see Coriolanus sitting on the sofa by the fireplace, a glass of whiskey in his hand while he talks. She looks over at the other man and finds that it's Quintus Heavensbee, his most trusted advisor. It doesn't sound like they're talking about anything truly important, in fact, they're talking about women.

"...Perlina said it would be a nice trip but after what happened to you in Four, I just don't trust the Districts," Quintus says with a shake of his head, his back towards the doors. Coriolanus lets out a dry laugh, "I never trusted them to begin with. But after Four, the children will never go again." Soarynn agrees with him on that, the attack in District Four could've ended so badly for them. For her.

"They're leeches, filthy leeches that are desperate to get their hands on what matters most to you," Quintus tells him, "speaking of which, how are things with Soarynn?"

Her breath gets caught in her throat and she has to remind herself to breathe again while Coriolanus takes a sip of his drink, "Good, she's good, things are good. I'm taking her to dinner tonight."

Quintus nods and leans back in his chair, "I must say she looks nearly identical to Ceraphina, she could easily pass for her mother if I didn't know any better." Soarynn has to agree with that as well, she and Ceraphina share the same eye color and hair color, leading them to look like a mother-daughter duo. She certainly sees Ceraphina as her daughter, even if she shouldn't.

"Well she's more of a mother to her than Livia ever was," Coriolanus says, bitterness evident in his tone of voice, "and a better partner as well." Her heart flutters from the compliment, Soarynn has never been in a relationship before and she often wonders if she's doing enough. Coriolanus has always been one for words of praise but he could always just lie and be polite to protect her feelings.

"Could you see yourself marrying her?" Quintus asks and Soarynn nearly blacks out. It's as if the heavens above have answered her question! Now she just needs Coriolanus to answer the question and Coriolanus is the master at avoiding things he doesn't want to answer. He's an expert, in fact, diverting the topic by giving an answer completely unrelated to the question. Soarynn has called him out on it before and he's always grinned and claimed that it's a skill only the President can possess.

Coriolanus goes quiet, too quiet for her liking. Soarynn watches him think long and hard about that question, "Not tomorrow," Quintus adds, picking up on the lingering silence, "no one would blame you if you didn't want to remarry."

Coriolanus shakes his head, a determined look now on his face, "I could see myself marrying Soarynn," he answers confidently, "sooner rather than later if I'm being honest. Losing Livia taught me a valuable lesson, many lessons actually but it taught me that nothing is promised. If something were to happen to Soarynn and I missed my chance then I'd never forgive myself."

Soarynn turns around and lets out a silent scream of excitement before collecting herself and taking a few steps back as if she hasn't been listening to the conversation for the past five minutes. She raises her fist to knock on the doors and makes her presence known this time, "Coriolanus? I have something to give you from Eudora."

She listens to their conversation come to a halt and hears someone get up and shuffle towards the doors. Quintus is the one who opens them, greeting her with a kind smile, "Hello Soarynn, how are you today?" She returns his smile with one of her own, genuine this time now that she doesn't have that nagging thought in her head, "Hello Quintus, I'm absolutely wonderful."

He steps to the side so she can walk inside and she's met with a skeptical look from Coriolanus who remains seated on the sofa, "Really? Because when I saw you on the staircase you looked like you were about to be sick." Soartynn waves him off, crossing the room to hand him the file, "I'm perfectly fine," she tells him, "you shouldn't worry about me, darling." The random use of the petname brings a blush to his cheeks and Quintus chuckles, "It's the President's job to worry, isn't it Coriolanus?"

Coriolanus still seems to be in a confused daze but he quickly shakes it off, taking the file from her and adopting the more stern look she's used to seeing from him, "Yes, quite right. Thank you for bringing me the file Soarynn."

Soarynn nods and she can't help but keep going now that she doesn't have any existential dread weighing her down, "What were you two just talking about a moment ago?"

Both men answer her at the same time.

"Taxes."

"Trains."

Soarynn raises her eyebrows, looking back and forth as they clear their throats in an effort to look less guilty, "Taxes and trains? What a thrilling topic." Coriolanus quickly rises to his feet, setting down his glass and the file, both long forgotten, "Yes, it's riveting stuff darling but I think I hear the children calling for you and I have much to do before tonight." He rests a hand on her back and gently guides her past Quintus towards the doors.

Soarynn innocently looks up at him from over his shoulder, "I didn't hear the children."

"You might need to get your ears checked then. I'll see you tonight," he says, kissing her temple before he gently pushes her out into the hall and shuts the doors in her face.

Soarynn crosses her arms, getting her ears checked, please.

Why can't men ever just come out and say what they mean? And they say women are complicated creatures.

꧁ ꧂

Later that day, Soarynn finds herself wondering about something else, something less important.

What is she going to wear tonight?

No matter where they go or what they do, Coriolanus and Soarynn always dress up for the occasion. Soarynn has always enjoyed dressing up for herself and no one else but now that she's in a relationship, it's an added bonus to have a grown man drooling over her.

"Would you two like to help me choose my outfit for tonight?" She asks the girls while they have an early dinner. The girls both gasp, eager to participate in the adult activity of preparing for date night. If they had their way, they'd come with Soarynn and Coriolanus but he's remained very firm that going out on dates is a two-person job.

But that doesn't stop the girls from asking to come. So Soarynn has found that them helping her get ready makes their separation much easier. And although she'd never admit it, easier for her as well.

"Yes!" Ceraphina says, bouncing in her seat, "Can we put on your makeup too?" Makeup is a bit more risky since Soarynn has found out that the girls love to use a heavy hand when applying things such as blush. "Oh, I was thinking you two might help me pick out a bag too," she adds, earning her more excited gasps. Caspian who's sitting in her lap, rests a hand on her arm, "Momma stay."

Her smile falters at his request, maybe she should stay, she and Coriolanus just went out to dinner a few nights ago. But Eudora is quick to intervene, "I thought we might watch one of your favorite films tonight children." Caspian perks up when he hears that, he loves to watch films, especially ones that feature animals. Coriolanus is pretty strict about how much television the children can watch and only permits a certain amount of time per week that they can spend in front of the large screen.

A film is a special treat.

He looks back up at Soarynn, a change of heart, "Momma go."

Soarynn and Eudora laugh at the sudden switch and Soarynn presses a kiss to his head, "Eager to get rid of me hmm?"

"Eudora, can I ask you a question?" Ceraphina asks sweetly, batting her eyelashes which causes Eudora to raise an eyebrow. Ceraphina has a habit of asking the craziest questions at the worst times, it's truly a gift. "Yes, you may dear."

"Have you ever been in love?"

Eudora lets out another laugh, a dismissive one at that, and shakes her head, "I don't believe in relationships dear, they're far too complicated for a woman of my age and status to concern myself with."

Ceraphina frowns, slouching in her seat, "You never fell in love? Ever? Not even once?"

Eudora shakes her head, sighing, "No, well...there was that one time," she mumbles the last part. Soarynn and the children lean in, eager to hear about Eudora Trinket's one love. "Who was he?" Celeste asks, "Or she?"

Eudora looks up at the ceiling dramatically, as if reliving her last moments with her lover, "We were too different," she exclaims, "I was in love with schedules, planning, telling people what to do. And he..." She looks back down at the table, grabbing her napkin and dabbing at her eyes, "He was in love with the weather."

It takes them a full ten seconds to realize who she's talking about.

"Lucky?!" Soarynn asks, unable to believe that Eudora and Lucky have ever shared a single interest let alone a conversation. The girls look as surprised as she is, even Caspian seems to be in denial. Eudora shrugs, "I like a man with a mustache, what can I say? But we were too different, we had different passions and when two people are in love, that means that they must sometimes give up their passions for one another."

She has a valid point.

Coriolanus is passionate about being President, being a leader, a beacon of stability.

But what is Soarynn passionate about?

꧁ ꧂

Soarynn pokes at her pasta, pushing it around on the plate. It's quiet in the restaurant but that's because Coriolanus bought out the entire room so they could dine privately. A man of grand gestures.

"Are you not hungry?"

She looks up from her plate, finding Coriolanus eyeing her plate of pasta, "I am," she tells him, "I just can't stop thinking about what Eudora said earlier when we were all having dinner together."

Coriolanus takes a sip of his wine before asking, "What did she say at dinner?"

Soarynn sighs, she's sure he's already aware that Eudora was in love with Lucky Flickerman at one point so she chooses to leave that part out, "She was talking about passions and now I can't stop thinking about what my passion is." She pokes at her pasta some more before setting down her fork, "My pasta is probably cold anyway," she grumbles.

Coriolanus gives her a knowing look and waves over their waiter who appears at their table within seconds, "Could you reheat this for her please?" Coriolanus asks, handing over Soarynn's plate to the eager waiter who promises to bring back an entire new plate for her.

She bites her lip, "I'm sorry, I don't mean to act ungrateful. I just can't stop thinking about it." Coriolanus reaches his hand across the table and Soarynn takes it, watching his long fingers intertwine with her shorter ones. "I'd say you're acting preoccupied, not ungrateful," he argues, squeezing her hand, "and I think it's rather obvious what your passions are darling."

She looks up at him confusedly, "It is?"

He chuckles, "Yes, it is. You're so clearly passionate about helping others. You love to lift other people up, you love to connect with those around you, making them feel at ease."

Was it that obvious?

The waiter comes back with a steaming plate of pasta and Soarynn must admit, it looks much tastier when it hasn't been sitting in front of her for ten minutes, "Thank you," she says to the man.

"Of course, Ms. Nightingale."

Soarynn catches Coriolanus staring at her empty ring finger for only a moment before he lets go of her hand, "How did you even get on the topic of passions? Are the children already diving into these deep topics at such a young age?" Soarynn softly laughs and picks up her fork again, appetite regained, "No, Ceraphina asked Eudora if she's ever been in love before."

Coriolanus leans in, already hooked, "Has she?"

Soarynn nods, wrapping several strings of pasta around her fork, "She has."

"With who?"

Soarynn takes her time bringing the pasta to her mouth, watching Coriolanus eagerly await her answer while she slowly chews and swallows, "Lucky Flickerman," she finally says once her mouth isn't full and Coriolanus is taking another sip of his wine. He almost chokes on it, covering his mouth with his own napkin while he recovers and Soarynn giggles, "We didn't believe her either," Soarynn tells him, "but apparently, she has a thing for men with mustaches."

Coriolanus laughs, a real laugh, not a practiced one that he pulls out when they're in public. A laugh that she has been given the privilege of hearing. "I don't believe it," he says, shaking his head, "Eudora has never mentioned her and Lucky before and that's not something that just slips past me." Soarynn shrugs, she's sure that quite a few things manage to slip past Coriolanus unbeknownst to him and someone's dating history certainly qualifies.

"Would it have mattered?" She asks, curious as to how Eudora was even hired in the first place. Did Eudora work for the former President? Or do Presidents hire out their own staff once they're in office?

Coriolanus gives her a confused look and she elaborates, "If you knew that she and Lucky had a former relationship would it have affected you hiring her? I know you can see everyone's files but I highly doubt that past relationships are listed."

"It wouldn't have mattered," he answers, setting down his glass of wine, "and the only information I can see about past relationships is if someone has been divorced or not." Her eyes grow bigger at the mention of divorce, something that's practically unheard of in the elite circles. Divorce is a one-way ticket to being shunned by high society. Unless there's a case of abuse or infidelity, couples stay together, happy or not.

Or your spouse can succumb to a sudden deadly illness like Livia and then you'll end up like Coriolanus.

Those thoughts bring her back to the idea of marriage and children and she just can't help herself from asking the next question, "Do you want children?"

Coriolanus freezes, the room feels much quieter now, much colder and Soarynn's worried that she's truly crossed the line this time. He clears his throat, "I would argue that I already have three perfect children," he tells her slowly. Soarynn must look crazy but she has to know if he wants children with her.

"I meant...I meant with me," she says exasperatedly, grabbing her napkin and twisting it in her hands, "if we were to get married tomorrow then would you want to have children with me?"

His face remains neutral, emotionless which means he's thinking hard about her question. Soarynn has gotten better at reading his facial expressions but he's always been so good at guarding them.

"I think it's expected for any wife to bear the children her husband gifts her," he says, scratching the back of his neck, "as for you, I would expect no less. Children are our legacy, you are your family's legacy and I am mine."

He's right, she's the last Nightingale which is a bit of a terrifying thought if she's being completely honest. She's all alone in this world, no wonder people have lots of children. "I don't mean to be so prying," she tells him, brushing her hair behind her ears nervously, "I just started thinking about it and now I can't stop."

His face softens, showing his true colors and how much he cares for her, "Darling, you could've avoided all of this if you just asked me sooner, it's not a prying thing to ask the man you're courting."

He's right. Soarynn didn't know why she was so worried when it was that easy. She nods, "I know, I just don't want to be another thing for you to worry about." Coriolanus chuckles softly, reaching back across the table and Soarynn gladly takes his hand in hers, "I worry about you regardless," he tells her, "and should we get married and have more children, I'll worry about them as well."

So he does want to marry her!

Hearing it directly instead of eavesdropping feels like a weight has been lifted off of her chest. Soarynn gives him a smile, as genuine as it gets, and squeezes his hand, "I'll hold you to that."

꧁ ꧂

꧁ Three Months Later ꧂

"And what is this for again?" Soarynn asks, looking down at an ornate vision board for an event Eudora is putting together. The older woman waves her off as if this whole thing is insignificant despite how much she's been stressing over it, "It's for after the Hunger Games dear, Corioalnus wants to throw a little party to celebrate."

Soarynn frowns, the Snows have been throwing more parties since she started working for them but this seems...odd. "Aren't we already throwing a party the day of the Reaping?"

Eudora shrugs, flipping through more pages of her binder, "The more the merrier dear, now which tablecloths do you like, the cream or the pearl?" Soarynn compares the two swatches of white fabric, nearly identical and yet too different to the trained eye. Coriolanus would simply pick the first one and move on from there but being a woman means that Soarynn actually appreciates these things.

She has a good eye for decorations and notices the smallest details.

"That's why I have you darling," he'd say whenever she'd point something out that he would've never noticed.

"This seems like a lot of white for a party celebrating the Hunger Games," she murmurs, feeling that the colors should be blood-red, not pretty white shades. "Nonsense, it's a clean slate," Eudora insists, holding up the swatches to the light, "white represents becoming new. We'll have a new Victor on our hands won't we?"

"I suppose," Soarynn replies, pointing at the cream-colored swatch, "and I like the cream one the best."

"I was thinking the same thing."

Both women smile at each other, Soarynn has found a good friend in Eudora Trinket, as well as some sort of a mother figure as well. Eudora is a beacon of reassurance, as long as she's around, they can't mess anything up.

Celeste comes running into the sitting room a second later, entirely out of breath and in a rush as she slowly comes to a stop. Soarynn and Eudora give her a glance before turning back to their work, looking at different centerpieces now that the tablecloths have been selected. Celeste tugs on Soarynn's dress and she looks down at the child, "Yes sweetheart?"

"The painting is gone," Celeste says, her blue eyes filled with vigor and conviction.

Soarynn frowns, glancing at Eudora who looks as lost as she is, "The painting?" She repeats, hoping for some clarification. Celeste nods, swaying back and forth on her heels, "Mhm, it's gone."

Without any further explanation, she runs back out of the room, leaving Soarynn and Eudora very confused as to what all of that was about. "Children are always so vague," Eudora says, clearly not as bothered by Celeste's strange behavior as Soarynn is, "Yes, yes they are," Soarynn agrees.

Forty-five minutes later, a party has been planned and a color scheme decided on. Soarynn and Eudora go their separate ways, Soarynn to the front of the house to get the children from Ceraphina's piano lesson, and Eudora to the kitchen to prepare the kitchen staff for the upcoming parties and their menus.

As Soarynn walks through the great hall, she notices something out of the corner of her eye.

Something missing.

The painting.

It's pretty fucking hard to miss too. What used to be a giant painting of the entire Snow family is now gone, with only a bare wall to show that there was once a large object taking up its space. Soarynn stops dead in her tracks, looking around to see if perhaps it was taken down for cleaning purposes but she finds no trace of it anywhere. It's pretty much impossible to hide something of that size but she's hoping it might be hiding under a rug or a table.

It was a beautiful painting in Soarynn's opinion. The children were much younger than they are now, and Livia was well and alive. But now it's gone. And it's left a sinking feeling in her stomach.

Why would Coriolanus have it removed?

Soarynn shakes her head in an effort to shake away those thoughts, she can no longer hear the incorrect piano keys being played so that means Ceraphina's lesson has come to a close. She'll have to ask Coriolanus about it later.

꧁ ꧂

Soarynn drags her fingers along the bathwater's surface, popping a few bubbles in the process.

Bathtime is often when she hits a mental wall, she's tired and ready for the day to end even if the children insist that they can easily stay up for another six hours.

She watches Celeste play with her designated "bath time mermaids" which are really just dolls that she plays with in the tub, and a soft smile graces her lips. She loves this little girl so much.

"The painting is gone," she says, catching Celeste off guard but she quickly recovers and her eyes are as wide as they've ever been, "you were right."

Celeste quickly nods, grabbing the edge of the tub, "You saw it?" She asks, her voice barely a whisper even though it's just the two of them in the bathroom right now. Soarynn hums, reaching out to brush her curls off of her forehead, "I did. Although I don't know why it was removed." She can only imagine why, nothing was wrong with the painting and how the hallway just looks empty without it.

Celeste smiles, nearly bouncing out of the tub which causes some water to splash onto the floor, "It means something's gonna happen Soarynn!"

Soarynn does not share Celeste's enthusiasm, "Like what?"

Celeste shrugs, settling back down in the tub, "I don't know," she admits, still grinning ear to ear, "but it's gotta mean something right?"

Soarnyn purses her lips while she thinks about the possibilities and a very specific one crosses her mind but she doesn't dare speak it into existence.

"I suppose it does," is all she replies with, grabbing the shampoo, "now let's wash your hair darling."

꧁ ꧂

After putting all three children to bed, Soarynn finds herself strolling the halls of the President's Mansion. She knows the place like the back of her hand now that she lives here although the children always know the best places to hide when they play hide-and-seek. She passes the massive doors that lead to the ballroom and sees several Avoxes mopping and floors, preparing for the parties they'll be hosting for the upcoming Hunger Games.

She's almost been here for a year and yet it feels like ten.

Soarynn sighs, she ought to take a walk outside since Coriolanus won't be getting home until late since he's at dinner. She'll go upstairs and get her coat.

She quietly climbs up the stairs and comes across Petunia lying in the middle of the hallway, her tail flicking back and forth while she watches Soarynn approach her, "Hello Petunia," she greets the feline who purrs in response and rolls onto her back. Soarynn chuckles, crouching down to rub her soft belly, "Have any more paintings gone missing or am I slowly losing it?" She asks, more to herself than to the cat.

Coriolanus had that painting removed on purpose. To send a message.

But what message is he trying to convey?

Soarynn stands back up, Petunia following her to the bedroom that is now as good as hers ever since Coriolanus had her move in with him. On the same day that Soarynn was spiraling about having children with Coriolanus, she had witnessed several boxes being moved in and out of his bedroom. She hadn't really paid it any mind since her mind was very preoccupied at the moment but after they returned home from dinner that night, she discovered that he had removed all of Livia's clothing and brought in Soarynn's.

It had rendered her speechless. She was more than used to going to her room whenever she was in need of clothes so to have him remove his late wife's clothing without her even mentioning it left her feeling slightly perturbed. Sure it was a sign of moving forward from her death but it was still quite a shock.

Now she fully lived in his room. She got dressed in his room, showered in his room, and slept in his room. Things were very official.

But she would be lying if she said that having a 'his and hers' closet didn't make her a little bit giddy. His side was filled with expensive tailored suits whereas her side was filled with dresses, skirts, blouses, pants, and lots of shoes. Coriolanus often liked to surprise her with a new handbag or pair of shoes. He'd leave it on the large table they had in the middle of the walk-in closet, next to the vase of fresh roses that always sat in the center.

But as she walks into the bedroom, she feels as if the pieces are slowly falling together.

The closet, the painting, the all-white color scheme for this Hunger Games party suddenly popping up on the schedule, the schedule that Eudora briefed her on at the beginning of June that she swore would not change.

Coriolanus is going to propose to her.

Soarynn feels as if the floor has been pulled out from under her.

She needs to get out, go for a walk, clear her head.

She hurries into the closet and snatches the first coat she sees and throws it on, striding out into the bedroom once again, feeling hot and flushed. Petunia meows for her attention but Soarynn's mind is so, so far away from here right now. "I'll be back soon," she mutters, pulling open the doors and slipping into the hallway. She makes her way downstairs and towards the sitting room that Eudora frequents the most. Sure enough, she's sitting at the coffee table with several folders spread out in front of her.

Soarynn clears her throat, causing Eudora to jump, "Oh! Soarynn, I thought you'd be in bed by now." Soarynn shook her head, she couldn't sleep right now if she tried. "I um, I need to run a quick errand," she tells Eudora, her voice low and hushed even though they're the only ones in the room right now, "I'll be back soon."

Eudora looks at her current attire and Soarynn can see a few questions popping up in her head right now but she asks none, "Alright dear, I'll listen out for the children." Soarynn forces a polite smile onto her lips, "Thank you, I shouldn't be too long."

Soarynn goes to the side entrance of the house where a car with a driver is always waiting, "The Capitol Cemetary please," she says to the driver as she slips into the car.

The drive is short but her mind is buzzing the entire time.

When will he propose? Do the children know?

Eudora certainly does if she's planning the damn thing. Or at least some sort of party to celebrate their engagement.

She wonders what Coriolanus is doing right now, if he's thinking of her the way she's thinking of him. She thinks of him constantly now that they're officially together but she often wonders if he does the same thing. He says he does, and he also says that the dinners he attends are very boring, filled with old men who have great influence in Panem. He says he'll introduce her to them at the Reaping party.

She can't wait.

The car slowly rolls up to the gates of the cemetery and she begins to worry when she sees that they're closed. Which is perfectly understandable considering the time of day. Ten o'clock at night.

A Peacekeeper standing by the gates approaches the car and Soaeynn can only hear a muffled conversation between him and her driver. The Peacekeeper walks to her window, peering through the tinted glass and Soarynn rolls it down, flashing him her prettiest smile, "I'm so sorry for the inconvenience," she says sweetly, "it'll only be a moment." The Peacekeeper, a man who looks to be about the same age as her swallows down a lump in his throat, "Of course ma'am."

That's all it takes for her to gain entry.

The driver rolls the partition down, looking at her through the rearview mirror, "Where to Ms. Nightingale?"

She supposes it would look less suspicious if she went to her own parent's graves, "The West Side please." It's a short drive to that side of the Cemetery and Soarynn can feel her heart pounding. If this is all going to happen, then she has to make peace with her conscious, and those who came before her.

The driver opens the door, offering her a gloved hand as she steps out, "Thank you," she says to the man, "I won't be long."

He eyes her warily, "I could accompany you if you'd like Ms. Nightingale." That just won't do. She knows he means well but Soarynn has a plan and she's sticking to it. "No need to worry about me," she assures him, "I'll be back soon." The driver doesn't look too convinced but he doesn't push it and gets back into the car. Soarynn disappears down the tree-lined path toward the other side of the Cemetery, walking past her parent's graves at a swift pace.

She'll pay them a visit later.

She finally sets her sights on what she came here for.

Livia Snow's grave.

It's just her luck that the groundskeeper is walking out of the mausoleum. Coriolanus told her that he had people clean it every week to keep it in perfect condition. Although they never truly loved each other, Livia was the mother of his children, and he'd be a fool to disrespect the dead.

Soarynn quietly approaches the large stone building, watching the groundskeeper sweep the pathway leading up to the doors that she's never entered. He perks up when he notices her, wrapped in her coat, probably a manic look in her eyes as well. "Good...good evening Ms. Nightingale," the older man says, bowing his head. Ever since she started courting Coriolanus, Soarynn's name has become well-known in the Capitol.

She's reached celebrity status and she doesn't always know how to feel about it. But tonight, she'll use it to her advantage.

"Good evening," she replies, "I don't mean to be a bother, but I was hoping to maybe have a moment alone," she nods towards the mausoleum and his eyes follow her gaze. "Oh, oh I see. The Snows are quite particular about who's allowed inside ma'am," he tells her, "only immediate family is allowed."

Soarynn wants to tell him that the entire reason she's here in the first place is because she's about to become immediate family but she withholds that information, "I understand, I'll let Coriolanus know that I wasn't allowed inside," she says with a feigned disappointed sigh. The man quickly perks up at the mention of the President, "Well you might as well go in," he says, digging into his pockets and pulling out a ring of keys, "I wouldn't want to let President Snow down."

Neither would I, she thinks to herself while he unlocks the doors that open with a heavy groan. She slowly steps inside, it's quite dark except for the small lantern above her. Soarynn sets her eyes on the casket at the very back of the building, made of dark wood with roses engraved into it. Her breaths grow shaky as she walks further inside, looking around at all the things that have been left inside as tribute.

There's a vase of roses, and she also sees several cards with children's handwriting and even a stuffed bear sitting against the steps leading up to Livia's casket. Soarynn stops when her heels touch the first step and she crouches down to pick up one of the cards. From what she can tell, it's Ceraphina's handwriting. There's a drawing on the front of the card of the entire family, it's so sweet and heartbreaking at the same time. Soarynn opens the card and her eyes immediately fill with tears.

'I miss you Mommy'

Soarynn carefully sets the card back down and makes her way up the three marble steps, resting her hand on the smooth wooden top of the casket. If she were to push it off, she'd come face-to-face with Livia Snow. Windows let in the pale moonlight and Soarynn notices a framed photograph on the windowsill directly in front of the casket, a photograph of Livia and Coriolanus on their wedding day. Neither of them is smiling but it reminds Soarynn why she came here in the first place.

"I came here...I came here to talk to you," she says quietly, "I've been taking care of your children for quite some time now and there's not a day that goes by where they don't think of you."

Soarynn tries to blink away the tears but it's no use and they spill down her cheeks, "I love Coriolanus, I love him very much and I think he's going to ask me to marry him but I couldn't in good consciousness accept his proposal without coming to you first and telling you that I'll take care of your children. I'll love them like my own and protect them with my every being. And I'll...I'll make a good man out of him, out of Coriolanus. He's trying to be better, I can see it in the way he treats those around him, how he is with the children."

Is Livia Snow scowling down at her? Does she think of Soarynn as some lovesick fool? Or does she want Coriolanus to be happy again?

"I'll make him happy," she whispers, "and make sure that your children remain happy. No harm will befall them as long as I'm around, I promise."

Soarynn stands there for a few more minutes, sniffling while feeling sorry for herself. She highly doubts that Livia ever cried about an upcoming proposal but she lived such a different life than Soarynn, she married an entirely different man.

Soarynn finally gathers herself, wiping her tears and regaining her composure. "We will always keep you in our memories," she whispers before turning to walk down the steps.

Her heels echo on the marble floors and she feels a wave of relief wash over her when she steps out into the summer night. The groundskeeper gives her a curious look, "All is well Ms. Nightingale?"

Soarynn nods, already feeling much better now that she did what needed to be done, "All is well. Thank you for letting me visit."

꧁ ꧂

Soarynn stops at her parent's graves before leaving. Even in death, they're still together, and that brings her comfort knowing that not even death can keep love apart.

"It's been a while," she says, dusting off any leaves from the tops of their tombstones, "but so much has happened. I met someone, he makes me happy. He has three children, they're as sweet as can be. I think I'm going to marry him."

Saying those words out loud makes it feel very real all of a sudden.

After her father died, Soarynn learned that acceptance was the hardest part of grief. Accepting that nothing could be done differently was a hard thing to do, but it was all one could do.

"When I come back I'll bring my children," she tells her parents, kissing the tips of her fingers and touching both of their tombstones.

She means it too. She'll be back.

꧁ ꧂

The President's Mansion is silent when Soarynn returns.

Another car was already parked at the side entrance which means Coriolanus is already home. Soarynn makes her way upstairs, peeking into the children's bedrooms once more to make sure they're asleep. Caspian is curled up in his bed, Lenny wrapped in a tight grip as if he might try to slip away. The girls are both sound asleep under the canopy bed, their new nightlight shining stars onto the ceiling for them while they dream sweet dreams.

Soarynn quietly closes the doors with a soft smile on her face, a day will come when they don't sleep in the same room anymore or require bedtime stories and she's not sure that she's ready for that day yet.

When Soarynn walks into her own bedroom she finds Petunia sitting at the foot of the bed, a black sock in her mouth which means she stole it from Coriolanus. He hadn't been exactly thrilled when Petunia started sleeping in their room but Soarynn argued that if the cat couldn't stay, then neither could she.

The two had since grown a small rivalry between each other. Petunia would steal his socks and neckties and Coriolanus would steal Soarynn and her attention that was usually given to Petunia.

Heaven forbid they get a dog.

Soarynn chuckles softly as she approaches Petunia and gently reaches out to pull the sock from her mouth, “You have more toys than you know what to do with and yet you insist on taking Coryo’s socks,” Soarynn says with a shake of her head.

Petunia doesn’t seem bothered by this issue that has constantly been brought up since she was moved to this bedroom but she does let go of the sock which is progress. Sometimes it’s a bit of a battle to get her to release the socks and it often ends in both parties feeling very offended.

Soarynn doesn’t hear the shower running which means Coriolanus is probably finishing up, ready for bed which sounds wonderful right now. All she wants to do is curl up in bed with the man she's been falling in love with over the past few months.

What could be better than that?

She expects to find him hunched over the sink when she walks into the bathroom, brushing his teeth or washing his face. Although Coriolanus is as masculine as they come, he's quite rigorous with his nightly routines, ensuring that his skin is properly taken care of.

But the bathroom is empty.

The closet doors are open and Soarynn slowly approaches them, slightly stunned to find Coriolanus sitting on the bench they have in the closet right in front of the of the table. It's usually used for Soarynn to sit on when she puts her shoes on in the morning but today it's being used by Coriolanus who's holding a single white rose in his hand. Soarynn glances at the table and finds a whole bouquet sitting there for her accompanied by a card.

She didn't even notice the gift when she came to get her coat.

Coriolanus has already shed his outer layers, leaving him in a white button-up shirt and black pants which he manages to look like peak fashion. He finally looks up at her and Soarynn feels caught even though she's done nothing wrong. He looks tired, he looks like he expected her to be waiting for him when he got back and she usually is.

But not tonight. The roles have been reversed.

"Hi," she says softly, "how was dinner?"

From what Coriolanus has told her, the dinners he attends are often business-related and very boring. She still asks about them even though he rarely goes into detail about what was discussed. He gives her a look, a condescending, sharp look as if she's greatly disappointed him, "Dinner was good," he answers curtly, twisting the rose in between his fingers, "I kept thinking about coming home to you, so imagine my surprise when Eudora said that you stepped out."

Soarynn feels frozen, she feels caught, like she's done something wrong even though she hasn't. If only he knew what it's been like to live in her mind the past few hours.

"I just had to go do something," she starts but he holds his hand up, stopping her, silencing her, "You just had to go do something at ten o'clock at night?" He stands up slowly, letting the rose fall onto the floor and he takes a step towards her, Soarynn has always admired how big Coriolanus is but right now he's damn near frightening. He looms over her and looks down at her, his jaw tightening and his muscles tense, "Tell me Soarynn, do you take me for a fool?"

Soarynn is speechless. He hasn't even heard her out and he's already acting accusatory, "I don't take you for much of anything right now," she answers truthfully and it does nothing but upset him further but they can both be upset together as far as she's concerned.

"I don't speak about Livia often but she'd nev-"

Soarynn is turning on her heel before he can even finish that sentence before he can finish comparing her to his dead wife, "Well I'm not Livia," she calls back from the bathroom, "and I'm not running around behind your back being unfaithful either even though you certainly seem to have made up your mind already as to what I was doing before I got back." She watches him emerge from the closet through the mirror's reflection, he looks upset that she left him and more upset that he came home and she wasn't here to greet him.

But Soarynn is more than upset. She's pissed.

She finally turns back around to face him, some fire has been lit inside of her since visiting Livia's grave and it's about time she set some rules around here if she's going to marry this man who drives her mad. "And I will not tolerate you walking all over me," she tells him matter-of-factly, taking slow steps towards him, "I will not allow you to accuse me of being unfaithful when I have been nothing of the sort. Or do you want to revisit the last time you accused me of such things?" She asks, tilting her head up at him while they both remember how he fired her without so much as hearing her out after Festus came onto her.

A painful memory for both of them but for very different reasons.

Coriolanus is on the losing side of this battle and he's slowly realizing it but he's stubborn and arrogant at times so he won't just back down. He's not built like that, wasn't raised like that.

"Then where were you?" He asks, his hand coming up to grip her jaw, forcing her to maintain eye contact with him. Soarynn gives him a defiant look, "I was paying my respects," she tells him, "at the Cemetery." A confused look washes over his face, she's sure that he imagined the worst, her tangled up in bed with another man. Not running around the Cemetery in the middle of the night.

"The Cemetery," he repeats but this time there's no bitterness in his tone, no venom or malice. Just confusion. Soarynn nods to the best of her ability with him holding her face in his large hand, "It was long overdue and I needed to make peace with some things before I..." Her voice trails off because she can't tell him that she knows, that she's put the pieces together, "Before I fully committed myself to you," she finishes.

There, that wasn't so hard.

Coriolanus still looks confused, vexed by her wording and Soarynn places a hand on his chest, "You can ask my driver if you want," she says slowly, "he'll tell you the same thing I did."

That jolts Coriolanus out of his confusion and he clears his throat, quickly shaking his head and releasing her jaw, "I believe you," he tells her, "and you're right, you're nothing like Livia and I would do well to remember that."

Soarynn hums in agreement, she knows it'll take him some time to unlearn old habits but she's more than willing to be a patient teacher, "Yes you would. I much prefer us when we don't argue." Coriolanus lets out a breathy laugh, carding his fingers through his messy curls, unruly after a long day of work, "I do as well," he admits, "I was just, I expected you to be here when I got back so when you weren't I..."

"You thought the worst," Soarynn finishes for him, slipping her hand into his, intertwining their fingers, "and I understand why you would start to worry but in the future, talk to me before accusing me alright?"

A remorseful look grows across his handsome features, he looks so very sorry for how he just treated her, "I will, and I'm sorry," he tells her, bringing their intertwined hands up to his mouth so he can kiss the back of her hand, "I trust you Soarynn. I don't want you to think that I don't."

Soarynn could always chew him out just a little longer, just for the fun of it but she's not a masochist. And she doesn't enjoy seeing others at their lowest. "I trust you too," she says, pushing herself to her toes to press a kiss to his cheek which feels a bit rough, "and I think you need to shave."

They both laugh at her comment, Coriolanus always shaves his face at night and Soarynn appreciates a clean-shaven face compared to a rough one. The girls do as well, whenever they give Coriolanus a kiss on the cheek they make sure to let him know if he needs to grab a fresh razor blade.

"Then why don't you help me," he offers, pulling them towards the counter.

Soarynn can't hide her look of surprise, she's seen him shave before but she's never helped him do it, only watched while she did her own thing. "Are you sure?" She asks while he pulls open one of the drawers on his side of the counter, she wouldn't want to accidentally cut his handsome face.

"Of course," he says, brandishing a razor along with a bottle of what must be shaving cream, "I trust you."

Soarynn's not sure that she trusts herself with a job like this but she still shrugs off her coat and slips out of her heels, leaving her in the dress she wore today.

She leans against the counter, admiring their shared bathroom space. Before she moved in with him, this bathroom was sparse. The countertops had nothing on them aside from a bottle of cologne or a box of tissues. Now that Soarynn lives here, there are lots of feminine products for her face and hair. She has a small makeup organizer that sits on top of the counter, it has roses painted on the side of it and it holds her favorite makeup products. There's also a photo of Soarynn with the children from one of their many visits to the museum.

She likes to look at it while she does her hair. The bathroom is huge to put it plainly and Soarynn has more than enough to fill it up. There's also a built-in vanity by the shower where she often does her makeup if she doesn't feel like standing at the counter. A small vase of roses sits on the vanity counter, always fresh from Coriolanus who insists that she's as pretty as a rose.

"If I nick you then you'll only have yourself to blame," she tells him as he comes over to her side of the counter with his tools in hand. Coriolanus shrugs, "That's a risk I'm willing to take if it means you'll kiss me on the cheek more often, now hop onto the counter darling."

Soarynn eyes the counter warily, she's never sat on it before and she doesn't doubt its ability to hold her up but she does doubt her ability to keep her dress from getting shaving cream on it. "Let me take my dress off first," she murmurs, reaching behind her to pull down the zipper. She slips out of her dress without even thinking about how sensual it might look to Coriolanus who is a man who often thinks with what's between his legs rather than his head.

In only her bralette and underwear, Soarynn hops onto the counter, her legs dangling off the edge, "Where do I start?" She asks, ignoring Coriolanus and his slacked jaw while he shamelessly eyes her almost naked body, "I don't think you're finished," he teases, going to pull the strap to her bralette off of her shoulder but Soarynn slaps his hand away, "Behave yourself," she chides, "and hand me the razor."

Coriolanus does as he's told but begins unbuttoning his shirt, baring his chest to her which does unspeakable things to the mind that Soarynn desperately tries to keep pure. He smirks at how he's affected her by simply taking off his shirt and leans down to press a kiss to her lips, "Now we're even," he murmurs while kissing her. Soarynn sighs into the kiss, shaving long forgotten once his hands wrap around her waist, pulling her flush against him. Even on the counter she's still shorter than him but she doesn't mind, especially when his hands slide down to her ass, making her whimper, "We need to focus," she says between kisses.

Coriolanus groans when her own hands come to rest on his belt, tugging at the buckle, "Focus on what?" Soarynn giggles into the kiss, over the past few months they've gotten to know every inch of each other, including their most intimate areas. Coriolanus is a man who gets off on watching his partner being pleasured which is great for Soarynn who loves when he goes down on her. He'll often wake her up by slipping under the covers and prying her legs open, pleasuring her until she cums.

"On shaving," she reminds him, finally getting his belt unbuckled and tossing it onto the floor. When it comes to shaving, both of them run a tight ship. Soarynn has always preferred to be as hairless as possible but she was pleasantly surprised when she found that Coriolanus felt the same way about himself. There was just something about a man who wasn't afraid to shave.

Her hand slips under the waistband of his pants and her fingers graze over the growing boner straining in his boxers, feeling his shudder against his touch, "You know," she says, "it's a shame that we're so traditional, waiting for marriage and all that." She palms him with her hand and he gasps into the kiss, "Yes," he grits out, "it's a real shame."

Soarynn would be lying if she said that she hadn't thought about it before, thought about Coriolanus fully taking her and making her his. But all good things come to those who wait. And Soarynn can be very patient.

꧁ ꧂

It amazes Soarynn how two people can go from being super sexual to tenderly intimate within a matter of minutes.

With the warm shower water running over her skin, she feels perfectly content with his large hands on her hips, his lips gently kissing up and down her neck while they shower off their sexual encounter from minutes before. She lets out a content sigh when his hand lays flat against her stomach and imagines what it would be like to carry a child for him, to have a baby bump and feel their child kicking against his hand.

"What're you thinking about?"

Soarynn opens her eyes, remembering where she is and who she's with, a man who is not yet her husband. "The future," she says, not entirely a lie. She's been thinking about the future a lot lately, what it holds for her, for the family that might be hers someday.

Coriolanus kisses the back of her shoulder before gently spinning her around so that the warm water runs down her back now, "The future hmm? What about the future?" Her breath catches in her throat, it makes her nervous to speak it out loud because then it might not come true.

"I just feel as though something wonderful might happen," she says, lifting her feet off the ground when he wraps his arms around her waist, spinning them around because he knows how much she loves it. His eyes twinkle with amusement and adoration, "Would it be so bad if something wonderful did happen?"

Soarynn wonders if Coriolanus can feel how fast her heart is beating from his question. They're literally chest to chest tight now, nothing between them, "No," she answers softly, "I'd like it very much for something wonderful to happen to us."

He smiles at her use of the word 'us' something she's been doing more often whether she realizes it or not. It's hard not to when she already sees them as an inseparable pair, especially with the children being so on board with their relationship.

"Me too."

She bites her bottom lip, debating on whether or not she should utter those three words that she's never said before in this context.

But after today, after their honesty and her visit to the Cemetery, she feels brave enough to say it.

"I love you."

Coriolanus goes through a range of emotions in about five seconds. From surprise to bewilderment to realization and back to adoration all within the blink of an eye. She wonders if she said it too soon, if she should quickly add that she was joking, just testing the waters.

One of his hands comes up to gently hold her face, holding her as if she's made of priceless glass, so fragile and easy to break. She used to be like that, but not anymore. She's stronger now, better, more determined.

"I love you too."

Soarynn breaks into the biggest smile she's ever worn. She's never felt this way about someone before and she doesn't think Coriolanus has either. They're still learning, still growing as people, as individuals. But she's happy to grow with him, safely by his side, loved and cherished.

Soarynn knows a lot of things but she knows one thing for absolute certain.

She's going to marry this man.

| Part 11. |

| tumblr oneshot/drabble |

{ Part 12. }

꧁|taglist:

@lovelylove268 @strawberriicakes @kickmybark @villiansarehottest @wonderlandbound111 @melodyoflovee @thevoicesinmyprettylittlehead

|꧂

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hopeful-sluts · 5 months ago

Note

Celeste, I heard that those who lose bets to you have to kiss your phat doughy goth buns all day. Incidentally, Kyoko seems to be missing. Know where she is?

“I’m afraid I’ve not heard of these rumors or seen Kyoko for that matter~” Celeste responded peeking through her door as you swear you could hear some sort of smooching and wet sounds from inside her room… almost like someone is kissing her~

“E-Excuse moi… I must be going~” *Celeste responds hastily shutting the door on you and looking behind at her huge pale ass with annoyance… but more specifically the lilac haired detective kissing and smooching her huge doughty booty.

“You little slut… this was supposed to be a punishment for losing, but you’ve been glued to my fat fucking ass all day~! You’re lucky you make a good chair or you’d be going down to a D-Rank~!!!” Celeste responded angrily pushing Kyoko on the floor and slamming her pale wobbly wagon down on her face, which only made Kyoko start to kiss and worship her harder~!

“MMMMPPPH~!!!” Hearing and seeing Kyoko now it was hard to believe she used to be embarrassed and annoyed at having to kiss Celeste’s cheeks, but once she saw Celeste’s wobbly ass, sexy lacey underwear, and her rose ass tattoo a flip switched in her and she was glued to Celeste’s butt, smooching her like there was no tomorrow… and even though the “punishment” ends at night Kyoko has no intention of stopping!

(Not that Celeste ever planned on letting such a cute girl leave~)

#danganronpa smut #celeste smut #kyoko smut

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slaymitchabernathy · 3 months ago

Text

The Nanny

꧁ One Month Later ꧂

Soarynn studies herself in the vanity mirror.

Would her father be proud of the woman she's become?

She's always tried to make him proud but being fired by the President of Panem is a bit of a letdown, a streak on her perfectly clean record. It's truly humbled her. Which is why today, she has an interview.

An interview for a job that has no emotional reasoning, only logic is involved. She's never been a receptionist before but it seems easy enough and if her skills and personality don't land her the job, then her last name certainly will.

"There are certain perks to being a Nightingale," she says to herself, applying a layer of lipstick.

The first few days after being fired as the Snow's nanny were short of horrible. She cried for hours on end, not necessarily because she got her feelings hurt, but because of the children. She didn't think she'd get so attached, but she did, broke every rule in the book by loving them and caring for them as if she were their mother.

Even though he warned her not to.

In fact, President Snow explicitly told her not to do so and she still did.

She could certainly blame Festus Creed, but at the end of the day, it was her own fault. She didn't grow careless, instead, she cared too much and it cost her the children.

A painful lesson to learn.

She turns on her stool to face Petunia who's been lounging on her bed since they both woke up for the day, "How do I look Petunia?" Her fluffy white cat only meows in response, batting a paw in the air. Soarynn allows herself a small smile, reaching over to scratch behind her ears before getting up to get dressed.

She picked out her outfit last night so she didn't run late. A stylish red dress with a straight neckline and a belt that accentuates her waist, and a pair of black heels. Simple yet classy. She chooses a few pieces of gold jewelry to go along with her outfit, earrings, a simple necklace, and perhaps a ring. She studies her small collection of rings that she's gathered over the years and her eyes land on a ring with a rose adorning it.

She'd be lying if she said it didn't hurt to see it.

Roses now hold a very deep, personal meaning to her.

She decides on a simple gold band and just as she's slipping it on, the doorbell rings.

Soarynn frowns, she had arranged for a driver to pick her up but that's not for at least another thirty minutes. Still, she quickly leaves her closet and makes her way out of her room and into the hallway. She glides down the marble staircase, Petunia hot on her heels to also see who's at the door.

Soarynn quickly runs her fingers through her hair, just in case there's a very attractive man on the other side of the doors who was looking for a wife.

Wouldn't that be wonderful?

The doorbell rings three more times in a row and Soarynn frowns, whoever is on the other side must be in a terrible hurry. She pulls the doors open and can't stop the shock from spreading across her face when she sees a small finger attached to the doorbell, more importantly, who is attached to that little finger.

Celeste smiles up at her, "Soarynn I rang the doorbell!"

Soarynn is at a loss for words when Celeste and Ceraphina rush in to hug her, talking a mile a minute, her hands resting on their blonde curls like it's second nature. She nods along to everything they say, trying to gain her bearings. Never in her life did she think the Snow girls would be at her house. She looks up for a moment and her heart nearly stops at the sight of President Snow standing on her doorstep, Caspian in his arms.

She knows she was hoping for an attractive man looking for a wife, but this is not exactly what she had in mind.

"Did you miss us?"

That question pulls her out of her daze and she nods, looking back down at the girls, "I've missed so you very much," she whispers, getting a bit emotional.

Ceraphina smiles and her attention is quickly drawn to Petunia who's been watching from a safe distance, "Petunia!" It's a mad dash the moment she speaks, Petunia darting into the living room and the girls chasing after her, giggling up a storm.

Soarynn doesn't even know what to do or say so she simply watches President Snow slowly walk up the steps and give her a nod, "May we come in?"

Soarynn focuses on Caspian who's already reaching out for her, "You might as well," she answers, giving Caspian's hand a squeeze, "Momma," he mumbles and President Snow sighs, "I know Cas, I know." His piercing gaze settles back on Soarynn and she feels a shiver travel down her spine, "I was hoping we could talk."

Soarynn swallows, she can't really say no, not to the President of Panem. "Alright." President Snow looks around the foyer of her home wearily as if memories are flashing through his mind of a time when this house was full of life a laughter.

Now it's filled with death and darkness, much like his own home.

"Perhaps we should have this discussion in the study," he suggests, forging forward and leaving her with no option but to follow him. He seems so sure of himself walking through her house, but he's been here before if she can recall, or he at least knew her parents quite well. Caspian lets out several whimpers and whines, flailing in his father’s arms as he carries them through the house.

He leads them to her father's study, a room she hasn't touched in months. He turns on the light and turns to face her, a bit of an uncomfortable look on his face, "I think he wants you to hold him."

"Yes," is all Caspian says and Soarynn is more than happy to oblige, lifting him from his father's arms and pressing a kiss to his head once he's safely in hers, "Oh, I missed you, sweet boy," she whispers. Caspian lifts his head and she grins when she sees that little smile on his face, "Lenny misses," he mumbles. Soarynn raises her eyebrows, "Lenny misses me too? I've missed him quite a lot as well."

Caspian seems content with her confession and rests his head back on her chest, leaving Soarynn to look back up at his father who's watching them with so much conflict behind his eyes. "Let's sit down," he finally says, rounding her father's desk as if he lives here.

Soarynn doesn't fight it though, she just sits down in the chair across from him, trying to forget what happened the last time they were seated like this.

"I have come..." he starts, his teeth clicking when he shuts his mouth, shaking his head, "I...I have come to apologize to you."

Soarynn raises her eyebrows again, "You have come to apologize?"

He nods, seemingly as surprised as she is, "I have," he confirms, "I was wrong for what I did, although I will not apologize for my reasoning." Soarynn furrows her eyebrows at his contradicting words and before she can say anything he holds his hand up, silencing her, "Let me explain my reasoning first, then you can tell me what a horrible human being I am," he says.

He sounds like he's said that a thousand times, always having to explain how he does things and he probably has. Being President means making hard calls, and tough decisions, and someone is always going to be hurt by them. This time, it was Soarynn.

"When I was alerted about the...incident, my main concern was my children. At the end of the day, their safety is my main priority. Not their happiness, not their upbringing, their safety. When I heard about what had transpired feet away from their rooms, no matter who was at fault, I knew their safety had been at risk and that was reason enough for me to dismiss you."

Soarynn looks back down at Caspian, sound asleep in her arms already. He had witnessed the horrific night, and something could've happened, Festus could've acted out of anger and hurt him or the girls.

"That being said, I cannot afford to act off of emotion. I can not afford to get close to anyone, to let anyone in. Not after Livia. So when I dared to break my rules for a moment, when I allowed you to call me by my name and then within the same breath found out about what happened between you and Festus, I knew what had to be done. I knew that by breaking my own rules, there would be consequences. I didn't however, expect to reap them so soon," he admits, sitting back in the chair, "but I was hurt nonetheless."

Soarynn didn't think President Snow was capable of being hurt, not from what she's seen. But perhaps his children are the one thing, the one way to hurt him. They're the one thing he loves and it's the things we love most that destroy us.

She purses her lips, "I understand," she says slowly, "I don't appreciate how rashly you acted and how you went about dismissing me but I do understand how important your children’s safety is. Their safety is important to me too. I would never do anything to endanger them."

He lets out a bitter laugh, rubbing his temples, "I know," he tells her, "I know you wouldn't and I know that you weren't the one who started the entire thing between you and Festus."

Soarynn's eyes widen at his statement. Where was this logic a month ago?

"I...I had my doubts," he says, "not that I didn't believe Festus but it was hard to picture the timid, quiet Soarynn Nightingale throwing herself all over a man who she didn't seem interested in a few hours ago, still, I had my loyalties and I did act rashly. It was partially due to you leaving immediately after which in my eyes, made you look guilty and it also..."

Soarynn watches him struggle to find the words to say, perhaps he's never uttered them before. "It also made me feel like a fool for letting you in and confiding in you. I thought perhaps I had found someone who genuinely cared about the sanctity of my family, someone whose care went further than the surface, so to have Festus whispering those lies in my ear truly clouded my judgment."

Soarynn blinks once, twice. She was not expecting this. None of this in fact. She was supposed to go to an interview and yet here she is, sitting with the man who fired her and managed to break her heart without even being romantically involved with her.

What a terrifying concept.

"But you know now," she says slowly, not entirely trusting herself to speak, "you know what he did to me?"

President Snow nods, a displeased look on his face, "I do," he confirms, "and I'm sorry you had to go through that, alone and without a job on top of that." Soarynn feels her lip tremble but she remains intact, she is not as breakable as he thinks.

"How do you know he's lying and I'm not?"

President Snow sighs, drumming his fingers on the wooden desk, "After I dramatically fired you, the girls were a mess as you briefly witnessed. They were inconsolable, and they refused to speak to me. This went on for several weeks as you can imagine, the tantrums, the crabiness, the distancing. I've hardly been able to recognize my darling daughters," he mumbles, shaking his head, "and I'm the one to blame. But I invited Festus over a few days ago for a drink, I needed to clear my head after the month I'd endured. Looking for a new nanny has proven to be more difficult than I anticipated. You've set our standards quite high," he tells her, a small twinkle in his eyes.

Soarynn feels herself swell with pride at his comment. To know that she's left a lasting mark, a lasting impression on his family is closure enough. But he continues talking, "I brought Caspian with me," he gestures to his sleeping son, "he hasn't been sleeping well since you left. Screaming, crying, the whole nine yards. The moment he saw Festus I saw something I've never seen in Caspian's eyes."

Soarynn peers down at the sleeping angel in her arms, the sweetest boy who has eyes identical to his father’s. She can't imagine what President Snow saw that frightened him so much.

"What did you see?"

"Hate."

His answer is enough to stun her. Caspian isn't capable of hate, he wouldn't hurt a fly let alone have it in him to hate someone.

President Snow nods as if reading her perplexed mind, "Exactly. He refused to look at Festus for the rest of the night until Festus went to tickle him, trying to cheer him up and Caspian pushed his hand away, another thing that stunned me. Then Festus made a few crude comments about you when I mentioned that your departure might be a reason for Caspian's behavior. I called him out on it but he insisted I was just tired and frustrated. When Festus was leaving, he went to give Caspian a friendly squeeze, he's more than used to it," he says, watching Soarynn nod along to his words.

"And then...and then Caspian said two words, and that was all I needed to hear to know that it wasn't you who came onto Festus, but Festus who came onto you and followed you upstairs while everyone else was down at the party."

Her mouth is dry with anticipation but she manages to speak, "What did he say?"

President Snow focuses his gaze on Caspian, a bit of pride in his eyes, "He pushed Festus away again and said: 'Hurt Momma' and I knew there was no one else on the earth that he could consider to be his mother but you."

Soarynn doesn't realize she's crying until a tear lands on top of Caspian's head, causing him to rouse from his sleep and press a hand on her cheek, "Momma." She looks down into his eyes, a loving smile on her face, "I'm right here darling."

"After that, I pushed Festus into telling the truth. He claimed he was drunk as if that made it any better or excused his actions. Then I remembered seeing the bruise on your wrist. I put the rest of the pieces together before taking care of Festus."

Soarynn looks at him from across the desk, both their eyes holding different emotions, "He...he found me when I was leaving Caspian's room. I bumped the doors open trying to get away and Caspian ended up witnessing the whole thing," she gets out, more tears burning as the memories resurface, "I didn't think he'd remember any of it after I got him back to sleep."

A flash of anger passes through his eyes before they return to normal and he clasps his hands, "I can assure you that Festus will be dealt with thoroughly."

Soarynn doesn’t press to find out what he truly means. As long as she doesn’t have to worry about Festus breaking into her home at night, then it’s none of her concern.

They both sit there for a moment, staring at each other as if neither of them truly knows what to make out of the other. For a second when they were dancing, Soarynn thought she had felt something, witnessed something genuine rather than the usual cold facade she was greeted with.

But he’s closed off now, even in the safety of her own home he’s on guard, protecting himself and his children. She can hear the girls giggling in the other room and a few meows of protest from Petunia who’s most likely tired out and given in to their want to play with her.

“Is this all you came for then?” She asks, her voice steadier than she thought it would be. After all these months, President Snow still has the capability of making her nervous. Even in her father’s study.

He shakes his head, clearing his throat while doing so. “No, I…we,” he gestures to himself and then to Caspian, “have come to ask for you to come back to us.”

Soarynn’s heartbeat rapidly increases at the request, at the chance to go back to being with the children. A small part of her worries about what could lie in the future, she could be fired again, humiliated again. And for something she did not do.

But the larger part of her wants nothing more than to wake up and face the new day with the Snow children by her side. The future might be prosperous for her and she’d be a fool to let it slip through her fingers.

“You want me back?”

President Snow nods, a small smile on his lips, “I will not lie and say that the past month has been easy. Eudora has taken on the brunt of caring for the children but she can’t do two things at once forever and there’s no one in this world who can care for them the way you do. The girls won’t accept anyone but you and I’m highly certain that Caspian feels the same way.”

Soarynn almost finds herself nodding to his proposal when she realizes how much time has passed. She’s missed her interview.

“I was supposed to have an interview today,” she says, more to herself than to him. “I was going to be a secretary for a law firm.”

President Snow quirks an eyebrow yet he does not look surprised in the slightest, “I know,” he plainly states, “I was the one who referred you.” Soarynn's jaw slightly drops, she hadn't expected him to have a helping hand in landing her interview but President Snow is full of surprises it seems. He scoffs a laugh at her dumbfounded expression, "Don't look so stunned," he tells her, leaning back in his chair, "you're an excellent worker, even if you didn't list me as a reference."

Soarynn blushes at his comment, she had chosen to forego listing him as a past employer for many obvious reasons, worrying that he might say something to further ruin her reputation. But instead, he helped her.

"Then you knew about it," she murmurs, daring to look him directly in the eye, "you knew my interview would be today, so you showed up right before I left."

The President of Panem almost looks...caught if that's even possible. Guilty would be a better term for it.

He cards a hand through his golden curls and sighs deeply, "I must admit that showing up today was a strategic plan on my part and a desperate one on Eudora's part since she's quite eager to have you back with us. We figured catching you before the interview would be our best route."

Soarynn didn't realize she was so special.

"Well, I...I would not be opposed to working for your family again," she says, straightening up in her seat, "but I would like to request a few things should I agree to your terms."

President Snow gives her a teasing look as if he hadn't expected this, but Soarynn would be a fool to blindly agree to come back without a safety net in place, "Go on," he encourages, "tell me your terms and conditions."

Soarynn clears her throat, feeling as if she's conducting a business meeting with him. Her father used to do this with her all the time when she wanted something, have her draft up a business proposal, or well, a semblance of one. That's how she got Petunia, a compelling argument can go a long way.

But this isn't her father.

"I would like actions to be taken to prevent another incident from occurring," she states, watching his eyes flash with anger but not at her, she knows who he's really mad at. "Not just in your home," she elaborates, "but anywhere we go, anywhere something bad could happen."

He laces his fingers together, "Anything else?"

"Yes, the children need something to look after, some responsibility like a pet." His nostrils flare at her suggestion, you'd think she suggested setting fire to the Mansion, "A pet is a huge undertaking," he tells her, using the same voice he uses with his girls, "not to mention messy and loud. An animal in my house is quite unlikely."

Soarynn frowns and rubs soothing circles on Caspian's back when he slightly stirs, "A horse then," she decides, "build a stable and allow the girls to take riding lessons. They could learn a great deal by taking care of the horse." He looks off into the distance as if contemplating her proposal and Soarynn hopes he'll accept it, the girls love animals and while a dog might be better suited for them, a horse is a step in the right direction.

"I'll speak to my groundskeepers about building stables," he finally says.

Soarynn cheerfully nods, "Wonderful."

"Is there anything else?"

Soarynn tugs at her bottom lip with her teeth, she can't think of anything else off the top of her head, except..."I want you to listen to me when I try and tell you something," she tells him, "I want you to trust that I would never do anything to put your children in danger and if someone says I would, then I want you to come to me first, not fire me first."

His throat bobs and she knows she's got him. Soarynn shouldn't be talking to her boss this way but this might be her only chance.

"Alright Ms. Nightingale," he says slowly, "I'll agree to your conditions. They seem fair and logical, and I can have my secretary write up a contract listing all of them for the two of us to sign off on."

Soarynn is buzzing with excitement, she gets to go back, to be with the children again.

"Now let me list my terms and conditions."

What?

President Snow wears a smirk letting her know that this won't be a one-sided exchange, "For starters, you'll actually take your one day off every month instead of spending it with my children. I know you've been avoiding those days but it's important for one to have a day of rest."

Soarynn slightly slouches in her chair but doesn't argue with him, perhaps a day off every now and then wouldn't be the worst thing. "Secondly, and I'm speaking for my entire family when I say this, we want you to become a live-in nanny."

Soarynn scrunches her eyebrows in confusion. A live-in nanny?

He waves off her confusion with the wave of his hand, "You'll move into the mansion with us, be with my children at all hours of the day instead of returning to your home every night." He looks around the study that hasn't been touched since the day her father died, dust covering almost anything, "I have a feeling that it must get quite lonely in this large house."

Soarynn purses her lips, it certainly does get lonely but she has Petunia to keep her company and she can't just abandon her. "I'd have to bring my cat," she tells him, watching his jaw clench, "I can't leave her, she's all I have left of him," she whispers the last part. "Besides, the girls already love her and she won't cause any trouble I swear. All she does is sleep."

They're at a bit of a standstill, both wanting something from the other, not willing to give up or back down.

Finally, he breaks.

"Fine. Your cat may come but should she damage any of my property, she's out."

Soarynn can't hide the smile growing across her face, she gets her children back and Petunia gets to come with her. Oh, the girls will be so excited when they hear the news. "You can start today I presume?' He asks while rising from his seat. Soarynn quickly nods and does the same, adjusting her hold on Caspian, "Yes sir."

He grunts, "Very well then. Pack your things and my men will bring them all to the Mansion this afternoon. You and the children can return home once you're finished packing."

Soarynn's smile slightly drops at his orders, "You're not coming with us?" He looks perplexed by her question and sudden disappointment but shakes his head, "I have meetings to attend in the city. I assumed you would accept my offer so I would then be able to leave my children in your trusted care once again. I have another car waiting outside to take you all back home."

Soarynn purses her lips but she doesn't push him any further, this discussion has been a lot for the both of them.

"Home," Caspian repeats, now wide awake. Soarynn softly chuckles and places a kiss on top of his head, "Mhm, we're all going home Cas."

President Snow eyes her and his son, a somewhat fond expression in his eyes although she doubts it's for her and most likely for his son, but she wonders what it would be like for him to look at her that way. He might have looked at Livia like that once upon a time before their world came crashing down.

"Daddy! Daddy look!"

The girls come running into the study, drawing their focus to the topic at hand which will always be the children. Soarynn looks down to find a very annoyed-looking Petunia with a pink ribbon tied around her neck while being held in Ceraphina's arms. She lets out a pleading meow when she sees Soarynn as if saying: 'Save me.'

A small smile graces the President's lips, a genuine one at that, reserved only for his darling children, "She doesn't look too pleased about playing dress-up darling." Ceraphina shakes her head, "She loves it, don't you Petunia?"

Petunia does her best to avoid eye contact with anyone, looking at the ground instead, "Your house is so big Soarynn," Celeste tells her, reaching up to take her hand. Soarynn gladly takes it, knowing now to cherish every moment with these sweet angels, "I won't be staying in it for much longer," she muses, watching both girls grow curious faces. "What do you mean? Are you moving?" Celeste asks, tugging on her hand with an anxious look on her face.

Soarynn immediately crouches down so she's at eye level with both girls who have been dealing with loss for quite some time now, her departure only adding to that trauma, "I am moving," she tells them, watching the crestfallen looks on their faces only grow deeper causing a smile to grow onto hers, "because I'm moving in with you. I'm going to be your live-in nanny now."

The change in their demeanors is instantaneous, the girls go from on the verge of tears to shrieking and jumping up and down.

"Really?! You're really gonna come live with us Soarynn?"

"I am," Soarynn confirms, "Petunia is too."

This might be the best news the girls have ever gotten. They go from hugging Soarynn to hugging their father, thanking him for allowing Soarynn to return. Caspian rests a hand on her cheek and she turns to look into his blue eyes, identical to his father's, "Stay," he says with a determined tone.

Soarynn nods, pressing a kiss to his hand, "I'm staying," she tells him, "I'm not going anywhere."

꧁ ꧂

Everything becomes a blur once President Snow leaves.

After saying goodbye to the children and making them promise to behave, he left for his meetings and Soarynn took the children upstairs so she could start packing.

She packs the necessities first, things such as toiletries and her favorite clothing items while the girls run rampant through her room, wanting to see and touch everything she's ever owned. She doesn't mind though, she's simply happy to be back in their presence again. Caspian sits atop her bed, watching her pack her things into a suitcase while Petunia sits next to him, both their curious blue eyes watching her every move.

"Soarynn, who's this?"

Soarynn glances over at her bookshelf where Ceraphina and Celeste are staring at a photograph of her and her father together, taken the day she graduated from the Academy. "That's my father," she says with a sad smile, "he passed away a while ago."

Ceraphina reaches out to touch the photograph, gently so she doesn't risk knocking it over, "Where's the pictures of you with your mommy?"

A wave of sadness washes over Soarynn, knowing that she'll never have a photograph of her and her mother together is a painful reminder of how her mother passed away. "She died when I was a baby," she explains, "so we never got to take a photo together."

Cera Nightingale was known for her beauty and acts of kindness. She was known to be graceful and full of life, lighting up every room she walked into. So it was no surprise that she fell for Glen Nightingale, a quiet man with a large heart and a kind demeanor. The couple had been overjoyed when they found out Cera was pregnant with their firstborn daughter, who would unbeknownst to them, take Cera's life during the traumatic birth.

And yet her father remained endlessly kind and patient with her, even though Soarynn carried guilt deep down, a feeling that she was responsible for killing her mother. She didn't speak of her mother often, the last time she spoke of her was with President Snow who remarked on their similar looks and traits of kindness, both things she would never bear witness to.

"It's okay," Celeste tells her, crossing the room to place a comforting hand on Soarynn's leg, "as long as we have Daddy, we'll be okay." Soarynn finds it so very adorable and kind of Celeste to be comforting her in this time of sadness, especially at such a young age. President Snow had commented on how she might make his children more kind but that seems impossible, they're already endlessly kind.

"Yes," Soarynn agrees, "we'll all be okay."

꧁ ꧂

It's a wonderful feeling to be back in the President's Mansion. Soarynn thought she might never grace these halls again, let alone with Petunia who took one look at the grand foyer before turning her head and making her way up the stairs. It might take some more exploring to impress her.

"Here's your room dear," Eudora calls, "right down this hall."

Soarynn finds herself surprised when she realizes that her room is in the same hall as the rest of the Snow family's rooms, right in between the girl's bedrooms and Caspian's room. Probably for the convenience of things but she's still shocked to be in such close proximity to the Presidential family, especially President Snow himself who's now only a few doors down.

"Coriolanus wanted you to have this room," Eudora tells her once they all reach the doors, "he said you might enjoy the view." Eudora pushes the doors open after saying that and Soarynn can't stop the gasp from leaving her lips.

It's gorgeous.

It's also huge. There's a large canopy bed pressed against the back wall which has large windows on each side, letting in so much natural light. To the right is a large sitting area with sofas, armchairs, and a fireplace. There are also bookshelves and a large coffee table in the middle of the seating arrangements.

To the left is a large-looking vanity with a dresser and a full-length mirror in the corner. "Oh my goodness," she whispers as she walks into the room, the girls running ahead of her. "Come and see the closet!" Ceraphina says, running into what must be the closet and bathroom. Soarynn follows her as if in a trance, taking a moment to look up at the high, intricately carved ceilings.

The bathroom is just as massive with a tub, shower, and huge counter space with a large mirror as well. There are two sinks and lots of storage space under the counters as well. Soarynn also notes a built-in vanity area as well should she choose to get ready in the bathroom instead.

"You can put your dresses in here," Celeste tells her, pointing towards the closet. Celeste had taken a liking to all of Soarynn's dresses, claiming they were fit for a princess. Soarynn was honored to be considered a princess even though she felt she was far from being one.

“This is amazing,” she whispers to herself when she finally walks into the large walk-in closet. It’s as big as the bathroom with a large table in the middle with a vase of roses sitting on top of it.

“There’s a card!” Ceraphina says, standing on her tiptoes to reach the card leaning against the base of roses. Eudora ends up reaching it for her, a curious look on the older woman’s face which means she had nothing to do with this mystery letter.

Ceraphina proudly brings it over to Soarynn who reluctantly takes it, turning it over to see if anything’s been written on it.

On the front, it simply reads:

To Ms. Nightingale

She turns it and finds that the back has been sealed with a stamp, a rose in the center of the wax. “Rose,” Caspian says, touching the wax for a moment. Soarynn nods before setting the card down on one of the shelves, “I can read it later. Why don’t you girls help me unpack?”

She’s met with excited gasps from the girls and a relieved sigh from Eudora who had been so very happy to see Soarynn walking back into the Mansion. “We’ve been quite miserable without you dear,” she had said as they walked up the grand staircase, “you’ve left a mark on this family it seems.”

The girls run back out into the bedroom to start unpacking the small bag Soarynn brought with her. The rest of her things are packed in trunks, waiting to be picked up by President Snow’s men, whoever they are. Soarynn has seen so many men over the past few months, ranging from Peacekeepers to diplomats. They have one thing in common: President Snow signs their paychecks.

“I have some things to put together, you know where to find me,” Eudora tells her and Soarynn nods, “Of course. Thank you, Eudora.”

Soarynn lingers in the closet for a moment once Eudora leaves, making it just her and Caspian in this large room with so much space she doesn’t know if she’ll be able to fill it.

What if this all goes away? What if he fires me again? What if I lose the children again?

A million terrible thoughts race through her head, thoughts about being forced out of this house again but this time would be much more painful. To have to pack her things and then leave would be devastating.

But it won’t come to that. Not if she has anything to do with it.

“Rose,” Caspian says again, pointing at the letter.

Soarynn sighs and picks it up again, feeling the paper between her fingertips, “Let’s open it now hmm?”

Soarynn walks into the bathroom and carefully sets Caspian down on the countertop before tearing open the wax seal. Her fingers slightly tremble as she pulls out the thick card, only a few words written on it from what she can see.

“Soarynn! Come look at Petunia!”

Her eyes are glued to the card when she answers, “Coming darling!”

Soarynn sets the card down on the counter, letting out a sigh before collecting herself and picking Caspian back up. She has things to do, a job to do in fact and she plans on doing it better than the first time.

But the letter stays in the back of her mind the entire day.

Those words linger on the tip of her tongue and lead her to think about the man sleeping a few doors down from her.

I do hope you enjoy the view of the gardens, and I do hope you find your new room is up to your standards. Should you need anything, don’t hesitate to let me know. I hope we can share another dance in the near future. Yours truly, Coriolanus Snow

꧁ ꧂

꧁ One Week Later ꧂

“I don’t want to wear black.”

Soarynn suppresses a sigh, she knows it’s no use in fighting any of the children today. Not when it holds such a heavy burden on their hearts.

“We have to wear black because Daddy said so,” Ceraphina reminds her little sister, fixing her own black dress, “then we can go put flowers on Mommy’s grave.”

Today marks the two-year anniversary of Livia Snow's death.

It's now a national day of remembrance and many establishments are closed for the day, including all the schools in the Capitol. Soarynn had glanced out of the front windows of the Mansion earlier this morning to see a crowd of people gathering at the front gates to lay down flowers and cards for the family.

The girls were fine during breakfast, chattering away like normal but their father was far from normal, acting more curt and closed off than usual, which was saying something for the man. Caspian didn't seem to be affected by today's significance, but Soarynn still felt terrible about it.

If Livia were still alive, she wouldn't be working for the Snow family.

"It's not a princess dress," Celeste whines, stomping her foot.

Before Soarynn can offer a word of encouragement, an authoritative voice fills the bedroom, stern and sharp, "I will not allow any misbehavior today Celeste. You should know better by now."

Celeste shrinks into herself and Soarynn glances over her shoulder at President Snow, looming over all of them with an aggravated look on his face. She swallows and turns her attention back to the youngest Snow daughter, making sure her hair is properly clipped back, "It's just for a little while darling," she whispers, hoping to salvage the rest of the day, "and you look tremendously grown up in your dress."

Celeste's bottom lip quivers and tears are quick to follow, "I...I don't wanna be grown up, I want Mommy back!" Soarynn's heart clenches at the sight of Celeste in tears, clearly hurting on this dreadful day. "I'm sorry," she whispers, crouching down to comfort Celeste, "I'm sorry she's not here anymore darling. But she's watching over you, and I know she'd be so proud of you." Celeste sniffles and allows Soarynn to pull her in for a hug, a few hiccups escaping her throat, "I don't want Daddy to be mad at me," she whispers, more tears flowing down her face.

Soarynn shakes her head and wipes her tears, "He's not mad at you darling, he could never be mad at you." She looks over her shoulder again at the man who she still knows so little about, but she knows one thing for certain, he loves his children. And he's hurting just as much as they are today.

She can see the sadness in his eyes, watching his youngest daughter break down over the loss of her mother, someone she barely got the chance to know. Ceraphina had been three when Livia passed away, Celeste was two and Caspian was still a baby.

But who could forget a mother's love?

"Come here Celeste," he says quietly, holding out a hand.

Celeste looks up at him with a bit of hesitation and Soarynn gives her a gentle squeeze, "Go on darling," she encourages, standing back up and moving to the side. She watches Celeste slowly walk over to her father, her head lowered, eyes trained on the floor. President Snow sighs and gets down on one knee to be more at eye-level with her.

He takes her small hands in his large ones and while Soarynn can't distinctly make out what he says to her, she knows it's comforting from the way Celeste melts into his hold, letting him wrap his arms around her while they both grieve.

Soarynn has never seen President Snow cry but today could be the day where a tear graces his stoic face.

She looks down at Ceraphina who's watching the interaction with watery eyes as well, "Are you alright Ceraphina?" She asks, wanting to make sure all the children are equally attended to today. Ceraphina nods and wipes any trace of tears away with the back of her hand, "Daddy says it'll get easier," she tells Soarynn, not taking her eyes off of her father and sister, "he says one day we won't be sad when we think about Mommy."

She looks up and gives Soarynn a small smile, "I don't think I can be happy today though."

Soarynn nods, resting a loving hand on top of her blonde hair, "You can be sad for as long as you want darling. No one expects you to get over it in a day or even in a year."

Ceraphina hums, "I know. I'm not like Daddy."

꧁ ꧂

Soarynn hadn't expected the cemetery to be closed today.

But now that she's seen how many people have gathered outside of the fence, she's not surprised. It's the biggest crowd she's ever seen as their car pulls up to the cemetery entrance, two Peacekeepers open the gates so that their car can drive through.

Everyone is in black.

A few people wave, all their faces somber. She spots some older women sporting mourning veils while little children clutch onto their parents and watch the car drive by.

She holds Caspian a little tighter in her lap, making sure his coat is properly buttoned. It's a cold November day, cloudy and dreary, almost fitting for the occasion.

She watches Ceraphina and Celeste lean against their father, sitting on either side of them while President Snow keeps his eyes closed and his head tilted back. He must be exhausted.

The car slowly comes to a stop and Eudora is the first one out, sporting her own mourning attire, a long black coat, a black wig, and eyelashes to match. Soarynn thinks about how Livia's funeral was the hardest thing for Eudora to plan. And who could plan for something like that?

Soarynn out of all people knows how hard it is to lose a parent. No one should have to plan for something like that.

"Let's go children," Eudora calls, waving them to follow her.

Ceraphina looks up at her father before slowly sliding across the seat and out of the car, taking Eudora's hand the second her feet touch the ground. President Snow finally opens his eyes and leans down to whisper something in Celeste's ear. Her eyes widen and she nods, taking his hand once again before they both get out of the car.

"It's our turn Caspian," Soarynn says softly, making sure she's got a good hold on the youngest Snow child while she steps out of the car. She's offered a hand and manages to keep a neutral expression as she takes President Snow's hand, gracefully standing back up to her full height, "Thank you," she says.

He only nods in response before turning on his heel to lead the way.

Soarynn has never visited Livia Snow's grave so she can only follow him and watch the children. Celeste and her father stay in the front with Eudora and Celeste in the center. Soarynn and Caspian bring up the rear and she takes a quick look around and notes several Peacekeepers either following them or patrolling the perimeter of the cemetery.

Soarynn has gotten more used to their presence but seeing them with their large guns makes her anxious.

Soarynn walks a bit faster to catch up to Eudora and Ceraphina and she lowers her voice before asking her a question, "Are we...are we allowed to be with the family for this?"

Eudora keeps her gaze trained on what's ahead of her but she shakes her head, "You and I will stay back while they visit her grave."

Soarynn hums, focusing her gaze on the back of President Snow's head, his blonde curls swept back and away from his face looking so soft. She wonders if Livia ever ran her fingers through them, if she ever looked up at him so adoringly.

From what Eudora's told her, probably not.

They walk deep into the cemetery, farther than Soarynn anticipated but when she sees the sheer size of Livia's tombstone, she can see why it's so far back.

Many people in the Capitol are rich, wealthy, and elite. But you can't take your money with you when you die. Unless you're Livia Snow. Her grave isn't even a grave, it's a mausoleum with roses growing outside of it. Soarynn has seen many decrepit graves but this is not one of them. The marble stone shines as if it's brand new. They must have someone come and clean it from time to time. Soarynn knows the Capitol citizens often come to pay their respects and leave flowers as well.

The doors leading to the inside are closed and if Sosrynn remembers correctly, they're always closed to the public. Only the family is allowed inside.

President Snow and Celeste come to a halt in front of the stone structure and both of them look back at their remaining family members. Ceraphina lets go of Eudora's hand and slowly makes her way over to her father and sister, reaching up to grab her father's other hand. Soarynn takes in a shaky breath before slowly approaching Livia's gravesite, Caspian feeling so heavy in her arms all of a sudden as if there's a weight on her chest.

Caspian reaches out for his father the second he's within reach, "Momma," he says, pointing at the doors. President Snow's face is grim but he nods, "I can take him." Normally, Soarynn would hesitate, not wanting to burden her employer but today is not the day to question his orders so she silently hands the small boy off to his father who holds him as if he weighs nothing.

"Let's go visit your mother," he says to the children, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a key.

Soarynn takes this as her sign to leave and gives the girls one last encouraging nod before she walks back to where Eudora is standing. They both watch the Snow family make their way inside the mausoleum, all of them scuffling behind one another. "It never gets easier," Eudora says with a sigh, "last year was horrible if you can imagine."

Soarynn certainly can imagine how terrible it must have been, the first year is always the hardest. "He seems tired," Soarynn notes, "his patience is thinner today than it usually is."

Eudora lets out a dry laugh, "If he had his way, we wouldn't even come and visit her. He does this for the children, it helps them understand and move on. But I know he wants nothing more than to move past this."

Soarynn can't imagine wanting to move past the death of her husband if she should ever marry. She'd spend every day mourning his loss and yet President Snow looks like he'd rather be at a meeting.

"I suppose we all grieve differently," Soarynn decides.

Soarynn looks over at the fence where a crowd has gathered, watching them and the Snow family with curious eyes and a few with cameras. "Is there always a crowd?" Eudora perks up and nods, "Oh yes. Last year it was even bigger, that's why we closed down the cemetery today, it was far too chaotic the first time."

It must be terribly strange to have people watching your every move while you mourn the loss of a family member. The Snows are already under a microscope, and Livia's death has only increased people's opinions about them.

"Is it alright if I walk around for a bit?" Soarynn asks, shoving her hands into the pockets of her coat, "I feel a bit out of place just standing here." Eudora gives her shoulder a gentle pat, meant to be comforting, "Of course, dear."

Soarynn offers her a tight-lipped smile before she begins her journey to the far side of the cemetery where many elite members of society have been buried. While none of their graves compare to Livia's, they're still monumental, not to mention incredibly expensive. It's one thing to afford a nice house or apartment while you're living, but to afford a tombstone when you're dead is another thing entirely.

Soarynn wouldn't care if she was buried in a wooden box, but that's just the way things are.

She passes several plots reserved for entire families before she stops in front of the familiar plot, only space for one more grave.

Hers.

She walks up to the graves of both her parents, dusting off any dirt or leaves from the tops. Her fingertips drag over the engraved words on their headstones.

Cera Nightingale - Beloved Wife & Mother "Till we meet again in the meadow."

Glen Nightingale - Beloved Husband & Father "My grief has been the souvenir of our love."

What will hers read?

Beloved Daughter & Cat Owner?

She can't imagine what will happen when Petunia gets older, she's all she has left of her father, and her family for that matter.

"I miss you," she whispers, resting a hand against her father's headstone, "I miss you every time I close my eyes."

Soarynn hadn't known loss until she lost her father. It's terrifying to love something that death can so easily touch.

Soarynn stays there for what feels like an eternity until she hears a small voice calling out her name, "Soarynn!"

Soarynn quickly wipes any trace of tears or emotion off of her face before turning around to face Ceraphina who's run up to her, her cheeks red from the cold. She doesn't look like she's been crying her eyes out which is a good thing she hopes. "Hello darling," she greets her, brushing a stray hair from her face, "how're you feeling?"

Ceraphina shrugs, looking around at the surrounding graves, "I'm okay. We got to pick the roses and put them on Mommy's grave and then I got to talk to her and tell her I turned five and then Celeste talked to her and said she turned four. Then Caspian said something about Lenny except I can't remember the rest. Then Daddy whispered some words and now here we are."

Soarynn looks up to find that the entire Snow family has made their way over to her, Eudora included. Ceraphina peers around Soarynn's legs and her eyes zero in on her parent's tombstones, "Did you know these people?"

Soarynn hums, "These are my parents graves."

She watches Ceraphina slowly approach the tombstones, her small hand resting on her mother's stone, "Do you come to visit them a lot?" Soarynn shakes her head, more guilt eating away at her heart, "No," she answers, "I should visit more often but I don't."

She watches out of the corner of her eyes as Celeste lets go of her father's hand and reluctantly walks over to her big sister, her eyes scanning the engraved words. "Is this about the meadow song?"

Soarynn tilts her head at the question, "The meadow song?"

"Uh-huh. The meadow song with the bed of grass. It says: 'Till we meet again in the meadow.' Is that what it's talking about?"

Soarynn honestly hadn't thought of that before. She'd visited her mother's grave countless times when her father was still alive but she never really considered the meaning behind the words that were the last bits of Cera Nightingale. Leave it to a four-year-old to put the pieces together before she did.

"That's a nice way to think of it," she finally says.

The girls whisper a few things to each other and then turn back around, "Can we leave them flowers?"

A smile creeps onto Soarynn's face at their sweet request. She brought flowers in the beginning after her father died, but she stopped after a while. Stopped trying, stopped trying to heal that hole in her heart. But these girls might just be able to fix it.

"We sure can."

The girls smile and take each other's hands to go and pick some flowers growing near the fence. Soarynn watches them and feels his presence next to her, both of them grieving different losses today, "Do you think they're proud of you?"

Soarynn swallows at his question, it's a loaded one but she never had to worry about making her parents proud. That was never the most important thing to her family. "I think they're cheering me on," she answers, finally looking up at him. Even dressed in all black, President Snow is so very handsome. His gaze never wavers away from his girls but she can see how emotionally exhausting this has all been for him.

"I don't think Livia is cheering me on," he says, shaking his head, "I think she's watching me and thinking about what a failure I am to our children."

Soarynn frowns and rests a hand on his arm before she can stop herself and he finally tears his gaze away from the girls to look down at her, piercing blue meeting stormy gray, "You're not a failure," she says softly, "you're a father, and you're trying your best. Just like my father did. He certainly didn't have it all figured out on the first day."

President Snow looks over at her father's tombstone and he furrows his brows, "Your father was a good man. He had it much harder than me, raising an infant while also mourning the death of his wife and yet he never once thought about hiring a nanny. He said you deserved better, that you deserved his attention and he was right," his eyes hold a hint of what might be adoration but Soarynn isn't sure, "you do deserve better Soarynn."

She could blame it on the wind or the cold but Soarynn feels tears burning in her eyes, "You're a good father," she insists, "I've seen it with my own eyes, you love your children and you're trying to do the best by them, even if it means hiring a nanny. Admitting your weaknesses is the first step to getting stronger. You can't be there for them all the time so you found someone who can. That doesn't make you a monster, it makes you human."

She swears she can see a tear roll down his cheek but her vision is pretty blurry from her own tears.

"Sometimes I worry the grief might never leave," he admits, blinking away any possible tears, "not that we had much love for each other to begin with."

Soarynn can hear the girls running back to them, giggling while holding flowers no doubt to decorate her parent's graves. They both look over and watch the girls run to Eudora first, showing her and then Caspian, who's hugged to her hip the flowers. Caspian smiles and reaches down to touch the petals. So young and yet so much life ahead of him, ahead of all of them really.

"The grief might end someday," Soarynn says, "but the love never will."

| Part 5. |

| tumblr oneshot/drabble |

{ Part 6. }

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tartigglez · 1 year ago

Text

puppy, bunny or kitty? (pt.1)

・❥・hey guys here's silly goofy headcanons of some genshin people and what flavour of petplay they're in to lol. this was initially only the mondstadters but i threw in some liyue babagrills too woowwo

・❥・kaeya, diluc, jean, albedo, thoma, zhongli, childe (separate) x gn!reader

・❥・nsfw, 16+, this is about petplay so dni if uncomfy!, sub!switch!character, dom!switch!reader, collaring, ears n tails, i think thats it? general dom/sub dynamics, talk of aftercare, degradation in some, just general filth bro

・❥・0.8k

kaeya - puppy

when he’s not in control, he really enjoys being loyal and told what to do. he loves when you order him around and when you spoil him, so its no surprise how happy he looks when you present him with a fluffy, blue tail you got for him recently. he happily giggles and asks if he can put it in. only you would be capable of breaking the cavalry captains ever-suave façade. he just sincerely hopes nobody ever finds out how he can get when you're in control…

diluc - kitty

diluc is poised, prim and proper, and although he doesn’t quite see it, you’ve definitely noticed this fact making itself present in your sex life. it’s not often that he hands control over to you, but when he does, he does it fully and completely. the level of trust he has for you is incomparable to anything else, so he trusts that he will be safe with you. he’s not much in to having accessories, but will definitely kneel by you, allow you to pat his head and rest it against your thigh, or kiss up and down it, depending on how he’s feeling.

jean - kitty

she’s never thought much in to the idea of having one of you being strictly “in charge” so to speak, but when you suggest it, she’ll enthusiastically agree. as much as she is quite vanilla, she’ll try anything once. she is more than happy to put on cat ears and place her hands between her legs on the bed as she kneels, happily awaiting for you to tell her what to do.

albedo - puppy

albedo will quite literally do whatever you tell him to do, he is a literal golden retriever, i will die on this hill. he is extremely gentle in nature and this reflects in every aspect of his life. he is usually vanilla but this is one of the exceptions to that. when he feels like submitting, you should be ready for him to become completely subservient, he will be awaiting your command, tongue out, waiting for you to push your fingers in to his mouth. when he has been won over, it is so incredibly hard to break his loyalty. he trusts you with everything. (do not hurt him ;-;)

thoma - puppy, through and through.

thoma is good at keeping secrets, which is why it's such a surprise to you when he shows you his collection of ears and tails, but you are far from disappointed. in fact, there is nothing prettier than watching him as he kneels, waiting for you and pouting. he loves being praised. just you telling him what a good boy he is has him smiling ear to ear and sticking his tongue out for you. he’s loud and vocal, whining and whimpering without even realising he’s doing it. he can get needy very easily, but he’s happy to wait for you, even if he knows you’re only teasing him. eventually you’ll give him what he needs, and that’s enough for him.

zhongli - a bit of them all!

it’s pretty impossible to type zhongli for this, it really just depends on how he’s feeling! he finds it really, really attractive when you suddenly assert dominance over him, kiss him all over and make it known that you are in charge. he is such a powerful being, but he is reduced to nothing when you tell him how much of a pretty puppy he is in that sweet, sarcastic tone. if he’s feeling more bratty however, that’s when he wants to be chastised for being a naughty kitty. he will put up a fight against your dominance, but he never wants to win that fight at all. when he craves intimacy, but doesn’t want to take charge, he will bury his head in to your neck and whisper soft words against it. when you’ve only just begun, it might be something along the lines of how wonderful you look. later, when he’s further gone, it may be something different entirely, like asking if he’s a pretty bunny, or it could be that his mind is already wandering to the thought of aftercare with you.

childe - puppy

cheery in nature, eager to try anything, and above all, loyal, childe wants to try everything for you, and will readily defend you in any situation. at the same time, he is literally filthy. nothing turns him on more than being degraded and used and told how much of a whore he is. he’s a little ashamed at first, but nothing makes him happier than being treated that way, then being degraded for it. being belittled makes him so incredibly horny, but also drives him to do better for you. trust he will serve you, and will bring you all the pleasure you could possibly seek. of course, aftercare is important as always. treat him softly, he needs time to get out of the headspace <3

nsfw masterlist || sfw masterlist || taglist: @celestetalkstoomuch @lioria

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celestoria · 2 years ago

Note

aaa congratulations on your milestone!!!

can i req 7, 18 and 20 with al-haitham?

Tags: somnophilia, jealous sex, creampie, video editor!alhaitham x idol!reader

A/n: this was longer than expected lol.

Do not interact if you are 17 or below (17+)

Alhaitham was never a man who enjoyed the limelight since he found it extremely overbearing. Even if he isn’t willing to relish the fame with you on stage, he’s always willing to support you on the sidelines and watch you shine.

Though people found him to be a genius, yet stubborn editor who never does anything above the bare minimum in the music industry, he hasn’t caught pulling extra hours to get a video finished earlier before you two got together. Some people called it a miracle, but he just calls it doing what was in his job description.

It was normal for him to rewatch scenes of you dancing from different angles over and over again just to pick the best one. He enjoyed seeing you passionately do what you loved.

However, your recent video, a collaboration with an arguably handsome man, made his teeth grit and his blood boil whenever he saw you two in the same frame. Alhaitham deemed it illogical to fret over professional matters, so he pushed his rash emotions aside to get it over with.

But later that night, his mind played scenes of you and that man in his mind. Seeing how close he was to you while you wear clothes far too revealing than he’s comfortable to admit made his jaw clench.

It was uncharacteristic for him to feel this way, letting such irrationalities get the best of him while you lay asleep next to him, his arms wrapping around your waist in the middle of the night, symbolizing your trust in his protection during your vulnerability.

That wasn’t enough for him. He wanted to have your undying loyalty, whether you are awake or not.

His hips grind against the thin fabric of your panties, hidden under a shirt far that’s too big for you. His forehead rested on the crook of your neck, a place where it was usually loud enough for you to hear his needy sighs but now you had your eyes shut like nothing was happening.

Logic, something he always abides by, told him that his actions are a risky take, but his emotions, one he rarely follows, said his greed will only consume him if he doesn’t do something about it.

Alhaitham grunted, the tight constraints of his crotch freed his hardened member. He spreads your cheeks to make room for him as he slips himself in you, trying not to nudge you awake during the process. The warmth of your pussy tightly wrapped around his aching cock. Even when you’re asleep, you still take him so well.

His buff arm hugged you from your shoulder, acting as an anchor to keep you still. A heavy weight burdened his chest, mixing in with pleasure that travels throughout his body as his girthy cock bullies your cunt.

He could just claim you here and now by spilling his seed inside of you. How pretty would it look once it seeps out.

Your eyelids fluttered open, dazed from a dream you can barely remember. Processing what was going on, the first thing you noticed was the heat of your core and the fast-paced friction between your legs.

“Ngh~ '' your hand traveled to clasp Alhaitham’s grip on your body, almost letting a chill run down his spine if he wasn’t so caught in the moment. “Alhaitham, what happened- ah,” you moaned, the moment he went faster in and out of you.

His hand caressed your body before it traveled to your pussy so his rough fingers could circle your puffy hub. Overstimulated, you tried to pull his arm away but his defiance gave him the strength to stay where he is.

He knew full well you’re incredibly sensitive when you just woke up, and he’ll gladly take advantage of that knowledge if it ensured you’ll never think of other men even just for a millisecond.

“You know you’re mine, right? Tell me,” he growled, envy and desperation coating every word spilling out of his mouth.

“Yes,” you swallowed as you nodded, feeling the knot in your stomach growing tighter as he rearranged your insides with how balls deep he is.

Despite your answers, his fingers pressed deeper into your clit, his digits fiddling with you faster than he ever did before. Something tells you he isn’t stopping until he’s satisfied with your answer.

Typical Alhaitham. Never saying more than he needs to.

“Yes. I’m yours. You’re the only man for me, Alhaitham. No one else,” you screamed, your head rolling back.

He loved the way you cried his name, thick with submission and the loyalty he expects from you. The jealousy that conquered his logic turned into possessiveness. He feels reassured he’s the only one who can make you melt like putty from fucking you that hard even in your sleep.

Alhaitham’s lips curved upwards, smirking with satisfaction. His movements began to be sloppy, ready to leak out at any moment. Your walls pulsate around him, yearning for sweet release. With a final stroke, he buried his member deep inside you, unexpectedly filling you to the brim. As he pulled out, his cum oozed out and trailed to the sides of your lips.

You barely came down from the high when Alhaitham flipped you over, rose from where he laid, and knelt behind you. Your soaking wet panties pulled down close to your knees, allowing the cold air to brush against you.

He had your head buried against the pillow and your ass up ate an angle where his dick could slide in so easily. He brought his body forward, his biceps lighting brushing your back and his lips close to your ear. “We’re not stopping until I fuck a smart girl like you dumb.”

#genshin impact #genshin impact smut #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact fanfic #alhaitham #alhaitham x reader #alhaitham smut #genshin impact alhaitham #celeste’s black hole

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hopeful-sluts · 1 year ago

Note

Both Celeste and Hiyoko are having a twerk off with Junko as the judge! Who does the the Queen of Despair declare as the winner.

Junko had to pay attention a great deal (something almost thought to be impossible) in order to “fairly judge” the two competitors. While Celeste clearly had the size advantage and her peculiar choice in underwear that immediately started to ride up her and was more immediately eye drawing, Hiyoko had the advantage in her actual “dance”, her experience with her Ultimate providing an inherent boost to how she moved her phat booty around, mixing in some traditional movements to go with the ass clapping. All in all, a very tough choice…

“Neither win!” Junko giggles out after several minutes of this performance.

“…Pardonne moi?” Celeste yelled clearly upset by this fact. As Hiyoko yelled out as well.

“Hey, both of you are too good so that means neither of you can win~!” Junko woukd retort laughing once again as both of the contenders looked at one another.

“…I say we set up a truce so I can crush this masochistic moron, what say you Hiyoko~?”

“Oh totally! Only if I get to break her pelvis with my butt too!”

#danganronpa smut #celeste smut #junko smut #hiyoko smut

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slaymitchabernathy · 2 months ago

Text

The Nanny

The morning of the most important day in Soarynn's life feels like a normal morning. She wakes up next to Coriolanus whose arms are wrapped around her as if she might fall off the bed in the middle of the night, his nose buried in the crook of her neck because he's never been too fond of personal space.

She doesn't mind it though, waking up next to someone who loves her is still something she's getting used to.

Waking up next to the man she's going to marry is another thing entirely.

The day Coriolanus proposed to her was the single happiest day of her life. Everything had been perfect. Even though she had a large suspicion that he'd propose, he still caught her off guard. It had been private which she appreciated more than he'd ever know.

Soarynn still had never been inside of the greenhouse so on a warm July night, when Coriolanus would normally be in the Control Room with the Gamemakers overseeing the Hunger Games, he finally took her to see it. Soarynn had been speechless when she was finally granted access to the famed greenhouse, amazed at the different colored roses. She had been so focused on the roses that she hadn't even noticed the trail of rose petals leading to the center of the greenhouse where there was a fountain.

Coriolanus had truly gone above and beyond with the proposal, from the soft candlelight to the petals floating in the fountain water to making sure that her nails were done. When Soarynn finally realized what was happening, she was instantly moved to tears, overwhelmed with emotion. He got down on one knee and pulled out a velvet box that held her engagement ring.

He confessed his love for her right then and there, telling her that he'd never been more certain about wanting to spend the rest of his life with someone. He told her how much he valued her, how she made his family a better family, and how it would make him the happiest man alive if she were to marry him.

She said yes.

How could she say no?

There had been tears from both of them as he slipped the beautiful ring on her finger. Soarynn admires the ring right now as the morning sunlight spills into their bedroom. They have a million things to do right now, she has to get ready, get dressed, and make it down the aisle without tripping. Coriolanus being a man has it a little easier but as the President of Panem, he's still got his hands full.

They broke the news of their engagement two days after the Hunger Games ended where surprise, surprise, there was a huge party to celebrate with the tablecloths Soarynn had picked out with Eudora. All of his friends and her friends were there to congratulate them on their engagement and the children were ecstatic. The girls kept running around the ballroom telling everyone that their father was marrying a princess. Even Caspian seemed excited, constantly touching Soarynn's engagement ring.

Soarynn and Coriolanus went on Lucky's television show a few days after the new Hunger Games Victor was interviewed and Lucky asked them all sorts of questions about what the wedding would be like. Coriolanus told him that it would take place in the winter as all Snow weddings do per tradition and Soarynn isn't one to mess with tradition. Certainly not the tradition of the family she's about to marry into.

Lucky also asked about the guest list, making sure he was included, and decided that it would be the wedding of the century. Everyone in the country would be watching today.

A million things could go wrong but Soarynn refuses to be ruled by fear. Today is their day and she's going to enjoy it.

She should probably get up though, she'd like to have some tea before their room becomes a blur of chaos with the children and all of the assistants Eudora has procured to make sure that today goes perfectly. Eudora of course, planned the entire wedding and Soaarynn was there for every step of it. While Coriolanus was busy working, Soarynn was busy planning and looking after the children. He'd suggested hiring a part-time nanny but Soarynn quickly shut that down. She could do both. She could be a wife a mother and the First Lady.

Another daunting task. Marrying Coriolanus meant that Soarynn would now forever be in the public eye. The First Lady of Panem. Over the past four months, Eudora has been preparing Soarynn to take on all of the responsibilities that Livia used to have. This included making numerous public appearances during the week for things like charity events, grand openings, museum galleries, and other things that were important, but not important enough to warrant the President's attendance.

Soarynn would be representing the family and she could not afford to fail.

She honestly didn't know how she'd manage it sometimes, the children, her husband, her appearances. She'd simply have to figure it out as she went along. At least she only had to worry about two of the children for most of the day now that Ceraphian was in school five days a week.

Soarynn would be lying through her teeth if she said that she didn't cry on Ceraphina's first day of school.

She and Coriolanus were newly engaged when they dropped Ceraphina off in front of the Academy's steps. Ceraphina had been so excited to finally go to school. They already met her teacher a few days before and she was smitten by Mrs. McDowell. Soarynn had honestly hoped that she might have some reservations about leaving her family for several hours a day but she gave everyone one final hug before skipping up the steps.

And of course, her assigned bodyguard was right behind her.

Coriolanus had been very adamant about Ceraphina having a bodyguard when she attended school and Soarynn couldn't find it in herself to argue with him, not after what happened in Four. Ceraphina didn't mind Maximus and his constant presence, in fact, she loved it because it meant that she always had someone to talk to.

The issues started when Coriolanus informed Soarynn that she would also be assigned a bodyguard. This information started the biggest argument the couple had ever had.

"I will not be followed around everywhere I go by one of your men," Soarynn had told her, furious that he thought she needed to be constantly watched over like a child.

"My love," he had said, pacing his study when she came to him with the argument, "your safety is of utmost importance. Once we're married, you'll be the second most important person in the country. I'd be a fool to let you walk around without protection. It's not up for discussion darling."

Soarynn had glared daggers at him when hearing his reasoning, "So it's already been decided then? You already discussed this and forgot to include me in the conversation? I don't want to be followed around Coriolanus, I already feel self-conscious as it is."

Their argument had ended with the slamming of doors and the spilling of frustrated tears. Coriolanus had later found Soarynn curled up in bed not wanting to talk to him until he apologized and changed his mind. He apologized but he didn't change his mind and Soarynn was introduced to Grant a few days later, a man dedicated to her safety.

Soarynn hadn't been too sure of Grant in the beginning. He was a quiet man, very reserved, only answering her questions with curt, short answers. He never hovered, never made her feel like she was being watched and he never made her feel uncomfortable. All of those factors made Soarynn feel a little bit better about the whole situation and now she can't remember a time when Grant wasn't following her around.

He'll be at the wedding obviously, scanning through the crowd to make sure that no one poses a threat to the President or his fiance.

Oh, his fiance. Soarynn loved that word, loved using it, loved calling Coriolanus her fiance and she loved it when he called her his fiance.

And before the sun sets tonight, they'll be husband and wife.

She can hardly wait.

Soarynn expertly slips out of her fiance's grip, her feet touch the wood floors a moment later and she quietly pads over to their bedroom doors and cracks them open. As always, an Avox is stationed outside in the hallway. From the time the sun rises to when it sets, there's always an Avox outside of their room, waiting on their beck and call.

"Could I please get some tea?" Soarynn asks, her voice merely a whisper so she doesn't wake up Coriolanus, he got home so late last night, "And some coffee as well?" The Avox nods since that's all they can really do before leaving to go fetch her requested drinks. Coriolanus had been finalizing things for their wedding, making sure all the documents were in order.

It amazed Soarynn how much paperwork was needed when marrying the President of Panem. Things like her birth certificate were to be expected but she was subjected to blood testing and her family lineage and history being researched. She was tested on other things as well, including her fertility which they'd get the results for later this week.

Soarynn couldn't wait to get married so they could have a baby together. She knew it was a little childish, but to grow a child inside of her was a dream she'd had for so long and it was finally coming true. She turns back to their large bed, watching Coriolanus sleep without a worry in the world while she simply imagines a crib next to their bed. The girls would love another little sibling and it would be nice for Caspian to have someone else to play with.

She can't wait.

꧁ ꧂

The tea and coffee arrive a few minutes later on a silver tray, piping hot and Soarynn thanks the Avox before she brings it to her bedside table. She carefully climbs back into bed, her knees sinking into the soft mattress as she crawls next to Coriolanus, resting a hand on his smooth cheek, "Coryo," she whispers, "wake up."

Coriolanus groans, pushing her hand away to roll over to his stomach, "Let me sleep in darling," he grumbles with that deep voice that always makes her feel some type of way, "I had a long night." Soarynn scratches his back with her perfectly manicured nails, the week leading up to their wedding has been filled with appointments. Soarynn got her hair cut and her body hair waxed. Her nails and toenails were perfectly manicured and she got a facial.

She's ready for tonight. Ready to finally lose her virginity.

A Capitol woman's virginity is a sacred thing that must be guarded at all costs if she plans on having a successful, prosperous marriage. If Soarynn and Coriolanus weren't in the public eye like they are, she has no doubt that they would've already had sex before. But because all eyes are on them, certain things are expected of them including consummating the marriage. She knows how badly Coriolanus had wanted her in the past, how he's whispered in her ear about taking her in every single position possible but he's a man, and a traditional one at that.

So they waited.

And good things come to those who wait.

Soarynn leans over until her lips hover over the shell of his ear, "Well tonight is going to be an even longer night," she purrs, feeling his back muscles tense from her teasing. That seems to do the trick in waking him up because he's pushing himself from the mattress a second later, putting his biceps on full display, "You certainly know how to give a wake-up call," he says, grinning up at her.

Soarynn grins back at him, it's hard to remember the time when they only exchanged a few words here and there with each other. Now they're inseparable. "That's why you're marrying me," she tells him while grabbing his cup of coffee from the tray, "because of my excellent wake-up calls." His eyes light up at the sight of the coffee, Soarynn doesn't particularly care for it but she knows that Coriolanus can't function without it.

There had been one time when just as he was about to reach for his cup, holding the last amount of coffee they had in the house, when Celeste tipped it over and he was forced to go through the day without any caffeine. He only spoke in grunts and hand gestures.

He gingerly takes the cup from her and sits his back against the headboard, putting his toned torso on display with an arrogant look on his face, "I was a big fan of the wake-up call I received the other day," he tells her, a playful glint in his blue eyes.

Soarynn blushes while remembering how she mustered up the courage to give him a blowjob to get him up. It had been a last resort really and Coriolanus Snow has been blessed with a very gorgeous cock that she just can't get enough of. Hearing him groan and moan her name while he withered in the sheets made up for her sore jaw.

Giving him head for the first time ever had been a daunting task since she'd never done it before but Coriolanus was surprisingly patient and took things slow with her, never forcing her to do anything she didn't want to do. Now she was in her opinion, quite the expert when it came to getting her fiance off.

"You might be lucky and receive a similar one tomorrow," she replies, grabbing her own cup of tea and bringing it to her lips. They stay like that for a moment, Soarynn sitting on her knees while Coriolanus sits against the headboard, not saying a thing but completely content in one another's company. He rests a hand on her knee, always needing to have some sort of physical contact with her.

In the beginning, Soarynn thought his touchiness was something only reserved for the bedroom. How wrong she had been. It only took one dinner with some of his advisors for Soarynn to learn that Coriolanus Snow was a man who craved dominance and touch at all times. It was her mistake for wearing a red dress that was backless, clinging to her figure beautifully.

He hadn't been able to keep his hands to himself all night despite being in the presence of the most influential men in Panem. A hand on her shoulder, her back, her thigh, her hand, her face. He loved touching her. Not even in a sexual way, but in a grounding way.

Soarynn loved it, she wasn't as touchy as Coriolanus but she never minded it when he felt the need to close the distance between them. She loved being by his side, holding his arm, resting a hand on his cheek while she stared up at him adoringly.

She never knew she could be this in love with someone.

Tigris often teased her about it, how she only thought about Coriolanus but she couldn't help it! Eudora called it "the honeymoon phase" a time when couples were obsessed with one another. It would fizzle out and Soarynn would be able to spend more than five minutes away from Coriolanus but she couldn't see that happening anytime soon.

Petunia hops onto the bed, slowly padding over to Soarynn to get her morning attention she needs to survive the day with. "Good morning little lady," Soarynn says, scratching behind her ears. Petunia purrs and leans into her touch, flopping onto her back for the maximum amount of pets, Coriolanus chuckles, "She's going to go ballistic when we aren't here tomorrow." Soarynn rolls her eyes but continues rubbing Petunia's belly, "I do wish you'd let her come with us. She needs me."

Coriolanus presses his fingers further into her skin, "Darling, it's two days, not two weeks." Soarynn pouts but he remains firm in his decision to not include Petunia in their honeymoon plans. "We've just never been apart like this," she mumbles, knowing damn well they have been apart like this before but she won't be the one to bring that up.

Coriolanus watches Petunia as her tail bumps his elbow, "I think you two will survive."

Where they would go after their wedding sparked up many discussions. Soarynn didn't feel comfortable leaving the children for too long but Coriolanus didn't feel like having the children tag along on what normally was a private, intimate trip for a newlywed couple. Soarynn also didn't want to go to the Districts again, not after what happened in Four. In an effort to have some time alone together, they came to the agreement that they'd have a small honeymoon at the Nightingale townhouse.

Soarynn felt it was the perfect compromise. Coriolanus got to have her all to himself for two whole days and if something were to come up, they were only a short car ride away from the Mansion. And the townhouse itself is huge, large enough to house an entire family let alone two people. Soarynn often felt that it was too big for her and her father but moving out of her childhood home seemed less than desirable as she finished her last years at school.

She was really just excited to have some feeling of normalcy for the next few days. They would, of course, have security surrounding the house at all times but she had insisted on having no staff inside the house to wait on them. If they wanted breakfast then she would cook breakfast. She also made sure that Coriolanus wouldn't be doing any work while on their honeymoon, not even a phone call.

She wanted him all to herself.

"I can't believe today is the day," she murmurs, thinking back to her first day ever stepping foot into the Snow household, "remember when you told me that me getting hired had nothing to do with my family name?" Coriolanus sputters while swallowing his coffee, sitting up even straighter in bed, "It didn't!" He claims, giving her a look, "Yes, I knew your father, but you getting hired truly had nothing to do with you being a Nightingale. The last time I ever saw your father was at my own father's funeral."

Soarynn vaguely remembers the funeral. Coriolanus had been twenty so she had been fourteen, too young to truly grasp the loss of a citizen like Crassus Xanthos Snow. Still, she attended the high society funeral with the rest of their circles, wearing all black while standing by her father's side.

She hadn't even seen Coriolanus at the funeral even though he was in attendance. She did hear lots of whispers about the only remaining Snow, how some thought he might take over his father's business while others whispered about him running for President. Running for President at twenty years old seemed impossible to Soarynn at the time but Coriolanus won by a landslide.

The people in the Capitol loved him. He was everything they wanted in a leader, young, driven, dedicated, and very attractive.

"Snow and Nightingale," she muses, "who would've thought?"

Not her. Not a million years would she have thought about one day marrying Coriolanus Snow and yet it feels as if it's the only thing for her to do now.

Coriolanus chuckles and carefully sets his cup of coffee back down on the tray before holding his hand out to her, "Come here." Soarynn is more than happy to oblige, setting her own drink down and crawling onto his lap, straddling him while his hands easily slip under her blue nightgown.

Soarynn tilts her head and presses her lips to his, both of them moving in perfect synchronized harmony. His hands squeeze her waist while her hips begin to move with his, so close yet so far. She can already feel him hardening under her barely covered cunt, making her whimper, "Oh fuck," she moans, tilting her head back while Coriolanus kisses up and down her neck, sucking on the tender skin.

Soarynn digs her nails into his shoulders, "Coryo we can't," she reminds him, "no bruises or marks." Eudora had given them quite the lecture the other night about making sure that they were blemish-free for their wedding day, mostly focusing her attention and threats on Coriolanus who's known for his inability to keep his hands to himself.

But he doesn't take lightly to keeping his hands to himself.

"Yes we can," he mumbles, sliding his hands down to her ass, slipping his fingers under the thin waistband of her panties. Just as he's about to pull them down, they hear a knock and the sound of their door handles being fumbled with. It's only a matter of seconds before the children are spilling into their room and Soarynn is throwing herself off of Coriolanus and under the covers.

"It's wedding day!" Ceraphina says, a big smile on her face as she runs over to the bed, Celeste and Caspian right behind her. Soarynn brushes her hair behind her ears, embarrassed and flustered that she's been found like this in such a scandalous position with their father. Coriolanus only seems to be amused by her behavior and pulls the sheets over their laps before turning his attention to his children who eagerly try to climb into bed with them, "It's also rude to barge into people's rooms without getting permission," he reminds his oldest who only bats her eyelashes up at him. "Oops," she says with an innocent shrug before finally getting onto the bed.

Soarynn smiles at Ceraphina who eagerly stands up on the mattress, jumping up and down, "You're getting married! You're getting married! Today you're getting married!"

Coriolanus scoops Celeste off of the floor and tosses her onto the bed, grinning when she shrieks, "Daddy!"

Soarynn and Coriolanus laugh when she sticks her tongue out at her father, something she would've never done a year ago. Because a year ago, the children saw their father one hour a day, no more, no less. But things have changed, he has changed, and for the better.

Someone pulls at the pillow Soarynn is sitting against and she looks down at her side of the bed to find Caspian reaching up for her, "Momma." Soarynn smiles and happily pulls him up and onto her lap, peppering his face with kisses, "Good morning my sweet boy. Did you sleep well?"

Caspian watches both his sisters jump up and down, giggling while their curls fly loose, "Lenny have wedding," he finally tells Soarynn with a very determined look in his eyes. Both Soarynn and Coriolanus sigh at his insistence on bringing Lenny to the wedding, something Coriolanus has loudly protested since the idea was brought up. Soarynn doesn't really mind it, Caspian will be sitting with his sisters and Eudora at the very front so it's natural for him to want Lenny to comfort him. Soarynn won't be able to wipe away any tears should there be any.

"Lenny can come to the wedding darling," she tells him, pushing back some of his more unruly curls away from his eyes. His hair has been growing so much these past few months and it's further confirmed that he'll look just like Coriolanus when he gets older. She wisely ignores the look that Coriolanus gives her, not caring how childish it might seem to bring a stuffed animal. Livia gave it to him so it only makes sense for him to find comfort in Lenny.

"When're you gonna put on your wedding dress Soarynn?" Celeste asks, flopping onto the bed after growing tired from jumping. Both girls had accompanied Soarynn to all of her wedding dress fittings. She didn't just want to buy something off of the rack, not when this was predicted to be the wedding of the century. Coriolanus of course insisted that she get her dress custom-made, only the best for his future wife. Soarynn had gone to Tigris, a trusted friend and fashion designer who had taken off after making two princess dresses for Ceraphina and Celeste.

Soarynn never knew how much went into making a wedding dress, and how many measurements and decisions had to be made. She had seen photos of Livia's dress, long-sleeved with a high collar that went up to her chin. She decided to go in the opposite route, wanting her dress to be different and to represent her as a person.

Soarynn tickles Caspian's chin before answering, "Soon darling. I have to get my hair and makeup done first."

Both girls gasp at the idea of having their hair and makeup done professionally, another thing that Coriolanus insisted on. Soarynn barely wears any makeup as is, just some blush, mascara, and a bit of concealer when needed but she was rather excited to be in professional hands today. It took the pressure off of her.

"Can we get our makeup done too Daddy?"

Coriolanus immediately shakes his head, a more stern look grows across his handsome facial features, "Absolutely not darling, you two don't need any makeup. Ever." The girls frown, looking at Coriolanus and then Soarynn, a rebuttal already forming, "Well Soarynn is wearing makeup. And she's the prettiest person ever," Ceraphina points out, effectively putting Coriolanus on the spot.

Soarynn turns to Coriolanus, her eyebrows raised, "She's right darling, what're you trying to say? Am I not beautiful to you?" She's only teasing but it's fun to keep Coriolanus on his toes, especially with the girl's help. He immediately turns red in the face, realizing he's been cornered by the three most important girls in his life, "No! No you are darling," he reaches over to grab her hand, "you breathe life into everything around you. Without you, the sun would cease to shine."

Ceraphina sighs and dramatically flings herself onto the bed, "How romantic." Soarynn chuckles, squeezing his hand to let him know that all is forgiven, "We really should start getting ready, Eudora will be up here before we know it."

Eudora Trinket is a woman of exact science, planning everything down to the last detail. Soarynn isn't even worried about the wedding, not when Eudora is planning it. She's more worried about things that can not be controlled such as the weather and other human beings. But one glance out the window lets her know that it'll be a bright and sunny day in the midst of winter.

"Can't we stay a little longer?" Celeste whines, crawling over to Soarynn to rest her head on the pillow, "Just for a few more minutes?" Soarynn runs a loving hand through Celeste's curls, they'll have to be properly styled for today, "A few more minutes," she agrees, "then we must get up and start our day."

That seems like more than enough for the children who all quickly make themselves at home, nuzzling against either Soarynn or Coriolanus under the covers. It's a sweet, wonderful feeling to be surrounded by this much love all at once. Soarynn keeps an arm wrapped around Caspian while Celeste cuddles Soarynn's side, a dreamy smile on her lips. Ceraphina rests her head on her father's chest, already sleeping again while Coriolanus absentmindedly strokes up and down her back while his eyes are closed. Soarynn knows he's not really sleeping, that he's just "resting his eyes" but it's still a sweet memory that she'll keep tucked away.

Soarynn feels herself drifting back to sleep, almost fully dreaming when there's a loud knock at the doors, "Rise and shine!" Eudora calls from the other side, causing everyone to groan as they're woken up again. Soarynn sits up, rubbing her eyes, "Looks like Eudora's here," she mumbles, swinging her feet over the side of the bed. She gently picks up Caspian and holds him on her hip while she pads over to the doors, Petunia hops off the foot of the bed and follows her, curious to see who's knocking so loudly.

The moment she opens the doors she's greeted by the blinding sight of Eudora's new wig, bright red for the occasion. "Oh my," she says, squinting up at the intricately styled hairdo, "what a...what a piece of art Eudora." The older woman pats her hair as if it's a sculpture, "Thank you, dear, I had it saved for an occasion such as this one. And I see everyone is in one place, how wonderful. Coriolanus, get dressed and get out, it's time for the bride to get ready."

Coriolanus shoots her a teasing look from their bed, making no moves to get up for the day, "What's wrong with what I'm wearing right now?" He asks, flexing his bare arms for added effect. Eudora merely rolls her eyes in response, not at all phased by her boss being almost naked, "I could name several things but I'd rather not hurt your feelings, now, let's get you situated dear," she says, guiding Soarynn over to the sofa, "the Preps will be here any minute along with your friend Tigris."

While Coriolanus begrudgingly goes into the bathroom to put on some actual clothes, Soarynn occupies the children by telling them about the cake they'll be having tonight. "It's seven tiers," she says, letting Caspian rest his head on her chest, "with vanilla frosting and lots of roses."

"Will there be a chocolate fountain?"

"Yes, darling."

"And ice cream?"

"Yes, darling."

Coriolanus comes back out of the bathroom wearing a pair of pants and a red sweater, extremely casual for a man who wears a suit and tie every single day but he'll be getting ready in one of their many guest rooms, "Alright Cas, let's give the ladies some space," he reaches over the couch for his youngest child who's reluctant to let go of Soarynn. "I'll see you soon sweet boy," she promises before carefully handing him over to Coriolanus, "Soon," Caspian repeats with the nod of his head.

Coriolanus smiles and leans over the sofa, pressing a kiss to Soarynn's cheek, "The next time I'll see you will be at the altar."

What an exhilarating thought. Soarynn feels goosebumps growing all over her body as she turns to look up at him adoringly, "I'll see you at the altar," she agrees, letting him kiss her one more time before they officially become husband and wife. The girls, of course, sigh at the romantic gesture and bid their father goodbye, promising to see him later when they're throwing rose petals down the aisle.

The girls had begged to be the flower girls and Soarynn could hardly deny them of such an important role. Caspian turned down the job of being the ring bearer the second it was brought up, clearly not as interested in being involved with the wedding as his sisters were.

Soarynn lets out a sigh, it's strange to be without Coriolanus now, even though they usually spend the majority of their days apart. But the past week has been so wonderful, he has been so wonderful, seeing her more often, spending more time with her in the mornings, waking her up with kisses and hugs.

But the girls don't let the silence linger long. They begin asking more questions about the guests, the music, the clothes, all questions that Eudora easily answers. Soarynn tunes the conversation out for the most part, simply enjoying the moment before it's over. A quiet knock at the doors causes them to all fall silent and Eudora rushes over to answer it, Soarynn and the girls crane their necks to see who it is but Eudora is in the way. She turns to face them a second later, a triumphant look on her face, "Everything is ready! Right this way!"

꧁ ꧂

Soarynn has never been so taken care of in her life.

Sitting in the room that used to be hers, she finds herself in a comfortable chair while four women work simultaneously to prepare her for the big day. The Preps, a Prep Team from the Hunger Games are well versed in their craft. There's Imogen who has been doing Soarynn's makeup for the past hour, keeping it per Soarynn's request, natural yet glowy. Jadis has been tackling Soarynn's long hair, styling it so that it looks absolutely perfect for when she walks down the aisle. Lavender has been applying all sorts of lotions and potions to Soarynn's skin to ensure that it looks as healthy as can be. And lastly, Olympia has been overseeing all of the progress while helping Tigris with Soarynn's wedding dress.

"Oh, it's just so exciting!" Jadis exclaims, taking another piece of Soarynn's hair to curl it, "Capitol weddings are always so gorgeous and yours is going to be the most gorgeous we've ever seen sweetie!"

Soarynn blushes, she's never been given this much attention in her life but these four women have dedicated all of their time to making her feel as beautiful as possible. She already felt beautiful when Tigris gifted her a beautiful white silk robe with a matching nightgown for her to wear while getting ready. The girls had been obsessed with it and luckily, Tigris thought ahead and made the girls smaller versions of Soarynn's dress as well so that they could match.

"I just can't wait to see him," Soarynn says, admiring her engagement ring once again. Coriolanus got her a rock to put it lightly. A large diamond that's surrounded by smaller diamonds all with gold hardware. She can't even imagine what the wedding ring will look like.

All the women take a moment to admire the ring, fawning over it and the details that went into designing it, "It's stunning," Imogen gushes, "he must be terribly in love with you." Soarynn nods along to her words, a smile gracing her lips, "He is," she agrees.

"Daddy and Soarynn are gonna kiss at the end of the wedding right?" Celeste asks Eudora, tugging on her dress. Eudora has been busy all morning, coming in and out of the room to check on Soarynn's progress, "Yes dear, they'll say their vows, exchange their rings and kiss," Eudora confirms, "and they'll stay on schedule."

Tigris and Olympia fluff out Soarynn's dress even more, checking for any wrinkles or snags it might have gotten while being transported from her boutique. According to Tigris, people have been looking through her shop windows, desperate to get a glimpse of the dress before it's big reveal.

Soarynn had decided to go with a strapless dress, showing off a classy amount of cleavage while also showing off her shoulders and collarbones. The dress has somewhat of a corseted bodice, accentuating her small waist while remaining pleasing to the eye. The majority of the dress is made up of tulle, lots of expensive, layered tulle, giving the illusion of a large gown. It's been so tediously layered, cut in specific ways to give the dress shape and organic flow. The top layers of the dress gather at the back, making for a flattering shape along with some dramatic flair. Most importantly, it doesn't weigh a thousand pounds.

Soarynn has tried on several versions of the dress over the past few months, changing little details here and there and she couldn't be happier with the final outcome. It's a dress that represents her, sophisticated yet light and airy. For her shoes, she went with classic white high heels, and for jewelry, she kept it simple with pearl earrings.

"What if you trip?" Ceraphina asks, causing all the women to shudder in horror, Soarynn presses a smile onto her lips, "Let's hope I don't."

Eudora shakes her head, "No tripping, no falling, no arguing," she narrows her eyes at the girls who do their best to look innocent, "I have personally counted the number of petals in each of your baskets and I can confirm that you both have an equal amount."

Soarynn holds in a laugh, the girls love to argue about things being fair and equal and Eudora has clearly come prepared for anything they might throw at her today. "Why don't we get you girls dressed?" Tigris suggests, pointing at their pink flower girl dresses. They're made of similar material to Soarynn's dress, tulle for the gown itself, and velvet for their bodices. It had been so adorable to see the girls getting to make their own flower girl dresses, picking out different little details they wanted incorporated such as roses on the sleeves.

While Soarynn's dress doesn't have any roses, her bouquet certainly does, all fresh from the greenhouse. She decided on an all-white bouquet to keep with the theme.

"So you all normally work with Tributes?" She asks the Preps, tilting her head to the side so Imogen can powder her face, "Oh yes sweetie. We work with all the Tributes from District Two, which means we get to come to the party at the end of his Victory Tour!"

This year's Hunger Games had been a blur for Soarynn if she was being honest. She hadn't paid much attention to it once she got engaged but she remembers watching the boy from Two, Beckett, win by cutting his remaining opponent clean down the middle with a sword he was gifted by one of his sponsors. A brutal, gory way to die but he wore a bright smile while he did it, making her stomach turn.

Coriolanus had commented on how Beckett was as cunning as they were bred in the Districts. Which led Soarynn to really think about how true that was. Children in the Districts were either raised as killers or those who would be killed, told that the Tributes from their Districts never won and that they'd never have a fighting chance. District Two is well known for training their children at a special academy until they turn eighteen so they can then volunteer.

Soarynn looks gazes into the bathroom where Tigris is chatting away with the girls, she can't imagine Ceraphina or Celeste training for the Hunger Games at such a young age with sunken cheeks and brittle bones. She should talk to Coriolanus about that, see what she can do.

"How exciting," she murmurs, not feeling as chatty as she was a moment ago. Becoming First Lady means having to make public appearances, it means having to support things like the Hunger Games, something Soarynn has done her best to ignore up until this point. Not on purpose, she's just never cared for the pageantry of it, and neither did her father.

Oh, her father. She wishes he could be here to see this, to walk her down the aisle and give her away. That's truly her one regret about today, not having him here.

"You'll get to meet him too," Lavender says chipperly, lathering another layer of lotion onto Soarynn's chest, "the party will be your first public appearance with your new husband!"

It certainly will be. Soarynn hasn't even thought that far ahead but the Preps clearly have. "I can't wait," she replies, looking into the bathroom again when she hears the girls giggling, "it'll be nice for things to get back to normal." Since the proposal, everything has been different, their schedules, how she's been treated, it's been a whole new world for Soarynn Nightingale.

She just hopes she likes it.

꧁ ꧂

Three hours later, Soarynn is ready.

She admires her reflection in the floor-length mirror, turning her head as instructed by Olympia to make sure that nothing needs to be changed before departing.

Her face looks stunning, even she can admit that. Imogen nailed the look she was going for, natural yet enhanced. Imogen gave her a rosy cheek while giving her more of a sultry eye look with a bit of eyeliner to make her blue-gray eyes pop. She's mostly happy to see her freckles shining through, something she's become more adamant about since Coriolanus keeps complimenting her natural complexion.

For her hair, Soarynn wanted something simple yet elegant and requested an updo to really give the dress its moment to shine. Jadis did amazing work with her long blonde hair, styling it in a bun with face-framing pieces, keeping it loose but not too loose. She also added a few bobby pins with white roses on them, tucking them into the bun to tie in the rose theme that Coriolanus seems to adore so much.

Soarynn has never seen her skin look so good before. Lavender truly lathered on the lotions, making sure that Soarynn's skin wasn't just healthy, but soft and smooth, glowing even.

And the dress, oh the dress is perfect. Soarynn holds out her arms and does a twirl, earning her several delighted gasps and a round of applause. "Oh, you look beautiful dear," Eudora tells her, "just beautiful." The girls bounce on their toes, watching all the women chat amongst themselves, "Soarynn you look just like a princess," Celeste says, doing a curtsy in her own dress.

Soarynn smiles, carefully crouching down so they're at eye level, "Thank you, darling. You two look so, so beautiful, your father is going to love your dresses." Both of the girls light up when she mentions their father, "Can we go see Daddy?"

Eudora checks another thing off of her list, Soarynn had stolen a glance at it earlier and truly couldn't fathom having such a responsibility. "Yes, in fact, we're right on schedule which should allow for Coriolanus to see the girls before we all depart," she announces, "come along girls, your father will be very pleased with your dresses."

Soarynn waves to the girls as they follow Eudora out of the room and into the hallway, the room suddenly feeling quieter and emptier. Petunia slips in right before the doors close, running right to Soarynn, "They're just so precious," Jadis says, reaching her hand out to Petunia who curiously sniffs it before looking up at Soarynn who hums in agreement. "They really are the sweetest children," Soarynn says, bending down to pick up Petunia, "I can't wait for us to all become one big family."

Soarynn had spent one afternoon in October in her fiance's study signing document after document that would give her legal custody of all three children. None of these documents would go into effect until she said "I do" but it made all of this feel much more real. In a few hours, she'd have three children. Three darling children who she loved with all her heart.

Tigris fluffs out the dress some more, fussing with the tulle, "They're very lucky to have you, he is very lucky to have you. Don't forget that."

Soarynn sighs, it's hard to remember when it all feels like a dream with Coriolanus. The house, the money, the children, the power. He's a dream come true. But so is she. Tigris is right, she'd do well to remember that she is also quite the catch.

"I know," she replies, rocking Petunia back and forth in her arms, "it's just hard to believe that a year ago I just started working here again as a live-in nanny"

A year ago feels like a century ago to Soarynn who feels as if she's lived ten lives the past twelve months. A year ago she and Coriolanus were dancing with their hands tied so to speak and now, she's going to marry him.

"We should take some photos," Lavender suggests, "I'll go find the photographer."

Another thing Soarynn has been preparing herself for, the photos. Eudora hired a few photographers herself but every news and media outlet in the country will be covering the wedding today. It's to be broadcast throughout all of Panem and all of its citizens are required to watch. Soarynn wonders if people will watch with bitterness or amazement.

Probably bitterness. She's seen how the Districts feel about people like her and she wasn't even a Snow then, she was just the nanny.

Now she'll be in the public eye, to either be built up or torn down.

Coriolanus has assured her multiple times that no one would dare utter a word against her but she knows that people talk, his reign can't extended over everything all at once. Snow won't always land on top.

Lavender appears a few minutes later with a photographer and Eudora along with the girls who are giggling, "We showed Daddy our dresses!" Ceraphina tells Soarynn, running over to pet Petunia who gladly welcomes the attention. "What did he say?" Soarynn asks, carefully handing Petunia over to Ceraphina who gladly takes her, holding her like a baby, "He said he looked beautiful and that we were the prettiest little girls in Panem." Celeste nods along to her sister's recap, petting Petunia's head, "And he said we look very grown up," she adds.

Eudora chuckles, smoothing down Ceraphina's hair that's being held back by a white headband, "I think he cried a little, but he'll claim it was some dust that got into his eyes." Eudora and Soarynn share a grin, Coriolanus is a man who remains stoic in every situation.

But he's always had a soft spot for his girls.

"Let's get one with Ms. Nightingale and the cat," the photographer suggests, earning him a meow from Petunia who simply wishes to be held, by who, she doesn't care.

Soarynn takes Petunia back into her arms, smiling for the camera.

They take some more photos, some of Soarynn with the girls, and some of her alone sitting in one of the armchairs or looking into the mirror. Eudora said that there will be an entire magazine spread dedicated to the details of their wedding. After enough photos are taken, the Preps and Tigris take their leave, pressing kisses to Soarynn's cheeks and promising to see her at the wedding.

"Looks like it's just us again," she says to the girls, watching Petunia run around the room. Ceraphina smiles, "Yep! Now we get to go to the wedding and throw the flower petals!"

"Just like we practiced," Eudora reminds her before things can get out of hand, "you two will walk down the aisle side by side, throw the petals, and then you'll sit in the front row on the left side. Right?"

Celeste tilts her head, looking confused even though they rehearsed all of this two days ago, "We go left?"

Eudora nods, "Right."

"We go right?"

"No dear, left."

"Okay, left."

"Right."

"I think we need to practice again Eudora."

Soarynn laughs at their dilemma and rests a reassuring hand on Eudora's shoulder, "Everything will be fine Eudora, don't worry, the girls will know what to do."

Eudora doesn't look too convinced but they don't have any more time to waste, they're on a schedule. "I hope so," she says in a haughty tone, "I don't need Coriolanus giving me any dirty looks. Now, let's start making our way downstairs so we can leave on time."

No one protests to that. Soarynn says goodbye to Petunia one last time, kissing her head and promising to be back in a few days even though Petunia probably doesn't even care. Soarynn cares and that's more than enough reason to give Petunia a rundown of their itinerary.

They all make their way out of the room and into the hallway, following Eudora like baby ducks in a row. "Can I hold your hand Soarynn?"

She looks down at Celeste who looks nervous about possibly stepping on Soarynn's dress and Soarynn quickly gathers the tulle in her other hand, "Of course, you can darling." They carefully walk down the staircase hand in hand with Ceraphina and Eudora helping to make sure that Soarynn doesn't trip on the remainder of her dress.

They make it down successfully and several of the Avoxes stop to admire Soarynn and her dress. After the wedding, they'll return to the Mansion for the reception dinner and the party so things have been in full swing this week leading up to the big day. Soarynn can't begin to count how many white napkins and plates she's looked at. With Coriolanus still running the country, Soarynn has taken on the brunt of the planning alongside Eudora and she's often worried that it might not be enough, or worse, not live up to his first wedding.

She had even suggested a smaller wedding, a private one without the public but Coriolanus insisted on a public one, a grand wedding so everyone could admire her. "You deserve to have the wedding of your dreams darling," he had told her one night after she confessed her doubts, "and to be quite honest, my wedding with Livia was far from a dream."

He did make a good point, Soarynn only planned on getting married once and she wanted to remember it and enjoy it.

"Alright, this way to the car, Coriolanus and Caspian already left so it's just us ladies," Eudora tells her while they walk down the great hall. They pass the empty space where the painting of the Snows used to be and Soarynn's heart beats a little faster knowing that there will be a painting with her hanging there sooner than later.

Soarynn and Coriolanus had already had several discussions about what to do with the rest of the paintings and photographs of Livia and Soarynn told him to keep them. Livia might not have been the best wife or mother but she was his wife and she was the children's mother. Soarynn could never deny her of that. So to honor her and remember her, they'd keep the photos, move them to a different part of the house where the children could always visit them if they wanted to.

Coriolanus had looked a bit stunned by Soarynn's insistence but after visiting Livia's grave, she was certain in her decision.

For one day, she too would be dead and she could only hope that someone would keep her pictures around.

꧁ ꧂

Soarynn can't hide her amazement as they drive through the crowded Capitol streets. From the moment they pulled out of the gates, their car has been swarmed by people eager to catch a glimpse of Coriolanus Snow's bride. Soarynn starts to feel a little bit nervous as the crowds grow thicker, trying to peer through the tinted windows, "I didn't realize this many people would be out today," she murmurs, holding Celeste's hand a little higher.

Eudora doesn't even seem phased by the number of people in the streets today, knowing her, she probably already planned for this and how many minutes of additional traffic it would add for them. "The Capitol hasn't seen a wedding this grand in a very long time," she tells Soarynn, closing her binder with a relieved sigh, "and your story is quite romantic dear, you're an inspiration to couples everywhere."

Soarynn certainly hadn't planned on inspiring anybody with her love story but she supposes that the Capitol citizens have a mind of their own. The car begins to slow down and the crowds become larger, thicker, louder. They're finally here.

The Building of Justice shines brightly on this cold winter day, a beacon of significance. Those who are a part of the highest elite circles always get married here, even the President. Soarynn knows the building like the back of her hand since she's spent many weeks walking through it, planning out the floral arrangements and color schemes. She hopes everything goes well, goes perfectly.

She spots several news trucks parked along the street and she turns back to Eudora, "Will the media outlets be inside?" She's not opposed to it per se, Soarynn has already come to terms with her new life in the spotlight but she would like to know what to expect before she walks down the aisle.

"They'll be in the very back dear," Eudora tells her, "you won't even see them and Lucky has signed a contract agreeing to keep his excitement contained so no need to worry about any fanatic outbursts." It's a funny thing to take into consideration but Lucky Flickerman can be quite flamboyant and very loud.

Better safe than sorry.

Soarynn nods, watching as they finally pull up to the front steps of the Building of Justice. "Here we go," she whispers, a smile creeping onto her face. A group of Peacekeepers, at least ten, approach the car, ordering people to stand back and leave room. "Any regrets before we go?" Eudora asks, leaning forward to let Soarynn know that this is a safe space.

Soarynn shakes her head, she has some regrets but none regarding marrying into the Snow family, "None at all," she answers before the door opens. They're met with cheers as Eudora steps out first, already barking out orders to the Peacekeepers who look quite shocked at how much noise can come from such a small person. The girls go out next, grinning ear to ear while holding hands. Soarynn watches them wave to the crowd, basking in the attention.

It's her turn now.

She's offered a hand and she takes it, gracefully stepping out onto the sidewalk and the crowd loses it. Cameras flash, people scream, it's complete madness. Everyone's eyes are on Soarynn Nightingale as she rises to her full height, her dress finally revealed, her beauty put on display for all to see. She can see several cameramen recording her, reminding her that this entire ceremony is being viewed by all of Panem.

"The bride has landed."

Soarynn looks at the hand she grabbed and looks up to realize that it's Sejanus Plinth who helped her out, wearing a suit while looking very handsome. "I was hoping I might just sneak in," she jokes, causing them both to laugh. Eudora waves at them to follow her, already halfway up the steps with the girls. Soarynn and Sejanus carefully make their way up the steps and Soarynn does her best to wave to all those who have braved the cold to catch a glimpse of her before she's married.

She sees so many little girls watching with amazement as she glides up the steps and into the Building of Justice, feeling a rush of warmth wash over her once the large doors close behind them.

It's suddenly so quiet again.

Sejanus drops her hand so he can kneel down and talk to the girls who are overjoyed to see one of their favorite people, "Sejanus did you see us?!" He grins, reaching out to brush a curl out from Celeste's face, "I sure did. You both look so lovely in your dresses."

The girls do a few twirls so that he can get the full effect while Eudora runs around the large lobby, getting everything ready. The large wooden doors that lead to the main ceremony room are closed but Soarynn can hear the murmur of the crowd from outside. Several Peacekeepers stand guard throughout the room, making sure no one gets in or out.

"Are you nervous?"

It takes her a second to realize that Sejanus is talking to her and Soarynn shakes her head, "No, I'm simply anxious. I've been thinking about this moment for so long and now it's finally here."

Sejanus hums, admiring her wedding dress in all its glory, "Well you look beautiful Soarynn. Coriolanus is lucky to have you." Soarynn blushes, she's often given compliments on her beauty but they mean a lot more coming from a good friend of hers. "Thank you Sejanus, and thank you for walking me down the aisle."

Without any surviving parents on both sides of their family, Soarynn and Coriolanus didn't know what to do when it came down to having someone walk her down the aisle. At one point he suggested Quintus Heavensbee walking her down the aisle which she kindly declined. She liked Quintus but she'd rather walk by herself if it was that much of a problem.

Then Ceraphina had the bright idea to have Sejanus walk her down the aisle. Both Soarynn and Coriolanus felt that it was a great idea. Soarynn enjoyed Sejanus and Coriolanus felt comfortable trusting Sejanus to take care of his bride.

"Of course," he nods, flashing her a smile, "never thought I'd see the day when he'd be happily married."

Eudora comes over to them with two pink baskets in hand, one for each of their flower girls, "Here you go girls," she hands them the baskets, "now remember, no throwing them at guests." Ceraphina pouts but Eudora gives her a stern look, "Okay," she finally says with a sigh, admiring the white petals, "we will be perfectly behaved."

"Good. You two will go in just a moment."

Eudora runs off to do something else and Soarynn takes it as an opportunity to talk with the girls one last time. She crouches down, her dress pooling around her, "I just wanted to tell you girls that I'm so grateful that our paths crossed. I'm so happy we met and I'm so excited to be a part of your family." Soarynn's eyes mist with tears but she doesn't try to hide them, "I love you so very much, it's been such a privilege to watch you two grow up."

Tears form in their eyes as well and Soarynn holds out her arms for one last hug, a hug that they happily accept. "We love you Soarynn," Ceraphina tells her, "and Daddy does too, and Caspian, and Lenny." Celeste nods to her sister's words, "Mhm, and Eudora too. You fit right in with our family."

Soarynn laughs, glad that they see it that way, "Well I'm very lucky to be part of a family such as this one. I can't wait to wake up knowing that I have three perfect children." Soarynn and Coriolanus had explained the logistics of custody as well as they possibly could to the girls who simply concluded that once they kissed at the altar, they'd have a new mother and that was more than enough for them.

"Alright girls, it's time to go!" Eudora calls from the doors. Soarynn hugs the girls one last time before they go, "I'll see you in there," she whispers, smoothing down their hair once more before they run over to Eudora, bouncing on their toes.

Eudora stares down at her wristwatch, counting down the seconds before she finally nods at the Peacekeepers to open the doors and let the girls in. Soarynn hears lots of adoring gasps when the girls walk into the ceremony room before the doors close again. "I hope they remember to go left," she mutters, getting a questionable look from Sejanus who wasn't there to witness their confusion earlier.

"Have you...have you seen Coriolanus?" She asks casually, standing back up to her full height as she fluffs out her dress. Sejanus chuckles at her attempt to act casual, "I did," he confirms, "he looks very handsome by the way," he adds, making Soarnyn blush, "and he's very eager to see you."

They usually spend all day apart but for some reason, today feels like torture. Probably because they're moments away from tying the knot. From becoming a united front until death does them part.

Minutes of silence pass between them but Soarynn cherishes it, she's been surrounded by noise and chaos all of this morning. A few seconds of silence can be such a precious gift.

Eudora keeps glancing down at her watch, checking her binder, and then checking her watch again. Hopefully, she takes a long vacation after this.

"Alright dear," she calls, waving Soarynn and Sejanus over, "it's time."

Soarynn's heart feels as though it could beat out of her chest from the excitement. Sejanus offers up his arm to her and she gladly takes it, "Are you ready?"

"Ready as I'll ever be," she murmurs.

They wait outside the doors, trying to listen to what's going on inside of the ceremony room and then they hear the music start up. "You really are the most beautiful bride," Eudora tells Soarynn, brushing a piece of hair out from her face before giving her the bouquet of white roses, "your father would be very proud of you dear."

Soarynn didn't think she'd cry this early into her wedding day but Eudora might just bring her to tears. Soarynn carefully hugs the older woman, not wanting to ruin any of the Prep's hard work, "Thank you Eudora, for everything."

She catches a glimmer of tears in Eudora's eyes before she blinks them away and nods, "Of course dear. Enjoy yourself today alright?"

Soarynn hopes she will but knowing how these things go, she'll be pulled left and right to talk to all her guests, barely given any time with Coriolanus.

"You ladies are getting me all teary-eyed," Sejanus jokes, wiping at his own eyes. They all laugh, Sejanus has never been afraid to wear his heart on his sleeve and it's always been something for Soarynn to admire about him. There's just something about someone being unapologetic about being themselves.

Eudora looks at her watch one last time, "Here we go. Five, four, three, two, one, go!"

The doors open, revealing the massive ceremony room, perfectly decorated. The drapery Soarynn picked out months ago hangs down from the ceiling, the flowers she selected weeks ago brighten up the room. Everything worked out in the end and the room screams elegance and wealth, the very message that the Snows like to put out into the world.

All the guests are already standing, all eyes on the bride as she makes her way down the aisle and Soarynn can hear murmurs of admiration for her dress and her beauty.

But her focus is fixed on the man at the altar.

Coriolanus looks tremendously handsome in his black suit, a white rose pinned to his lapel. His curls look perfect, not too unruly but not too slicked back. Just the way she likes them. He exudes wealth and power by simply just standing there and she so desperately wants to be his entirely.

His piercing blue eyes stay locked on her the entire way and Soarynn fights the urge to run down the long aisle to be with him sooner.

As they get closer to the altar, Soarynn can see more clearly how proud Coriolanus looks, how pleased and enamored he looks by just seeing her. He's asked about her dress one hundred times since her first fitting but she's refused to give him any details. But the look on his face has made it all worth it.

They finally reach the steps leading up to the altar and there's nothing keeping them apart now. Soarynn gives Sejanus a warm smile, "Thank you Sejanus," she whispers, giving him a kiss on the cheek before handing him her bouquet. Sejanus smiles back at her, nodding and patting her arm, "I wish you two the best."

Soarynn turns to look back up at her fiance, buzzing with excitement now that this moment has finally arrived. Coriolanus holds his hand out to her and she takes it in an instant, his large fingers curl around her smaller ones as she climbs the steps.

They're both all smiles as they finally come face to face with one another after hours of being apart. It's as if no one else is even in the room with them right now. Soarynn looks up at him with nothing but love and commitment, pleased to know that the man standing across from her would lay the world down at her feet if she asked him to do so.

Coriolanus speaks volumes with his eyes which are usually stern and guarded. He looks utterly in love with her, vexed by her beauty and her dedication to him and his family.

She only glances down at the front row once to look at the children who are all watching with excitement as if watching the horse races. The girls give her a wave and Caspian holds Lenny a little tighter with one hand while holding Eudora's hand with the other.

While neither Soarynn nor Coriolanus have parents anymore, seeing the children is all she needs to feel supported. She's about to have a family, a real, genuine family and she can't thank Coriolanus enough for giving that to her.

The officant begins the very long traditional ceremony which includes reading from several different books and passages. Soarynn had expected it though, the stiffness of a high society wedding. It would be a great sign of disrespect if they didn't partake in tradition, even if it is quite tedious and at sometimes, quite boring.

Soarynn had worried that the children might grow bored or get antsy after a while but she can see from the corner of her eye that they seem more than content watching Soarynn and Coriolanus.

Through the whole thing her eyes remain on the man she cares for the most and his eyes meet hers with matched passion and love. They only have eyes for each other today.

The rings are then brought forward, a simple gold band for Coriolanus, masculine and broad, just like him. And another ring inlaid with diamonds for Soarynn, shaped like vines around a rose to surround the large diamond already on her finger.

Finally, they get to the vows.

Being a woman, Soarynn will be the first one to say her vows, to promise herself to her future husband which will give Coriolanus one last chance to change his mind. It's a terrifying thought to know that he could call it all off and leave with his children, leaving her alone. She'd be lying if she said that she hadn't had a few nightmares about that leading up to this special day.

"Soarynn Nightingale, by agreeing to these vows, you will forever bind yourself to this man. You will promise to love him throughout all your trials and tribulations, to bear the children he gifts upon you, and to support the family created between the two of you. You shall stand by his side as a pillar of strength, dedication, and support as he leads your family through life. Do you, Soarynn Nightingale, vow to uphold these vows, and take Coriolanus Snow to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

Her eyes shine with tears as she answers with a determined tone, the same way she answered Coriolanus when he asked her to marry him, "I do."

"We now turn to the groom. Coriolanus Snow, by agreeing to these vows, you will forever bind yourself to this woman. You will promise to love her throughout all your trials and tribulations, to stand by her as she bears the children you gift upon her, and to lead the family created by the two of you. You shall stand by her side as a pillar of protection, security, and leadership as she walks with you and your family through life. Do you, Coriolanus Snow, take Soarynn Nightingale to be your lawfully wedded wife?"

Coriolanus doesn't let a second pass before answering with the same determined tone Soarynn used, "I do."

Soarynn swears she can hear the girls let out a quiet sigh of relief, goodness knows how they'd react if he didn't take her to be his bride. He'd have a war on his hands.

"Then by the power invested in me, by the great nation of Panem, I now pronounce you husband and wife. Coriolanus, you may kiss your bride."

Soarynn breaks into the largest smile she's ever worn as Coriolanus cups her face with his hands and captures her lips in their first kiss as husband and wife for all to bear witness to. A loud applause roars through the room as the President of Panem kisses the country's new First Lady.

Soarynn rests her hand on his chest when he deepens the kiss, not even shying away from the very public display of affection. She can hear the girls cheering-screaming-as their parents kiss for the first time and she feels Coriolanus grin into the kiss. When he finally pulls away she looks up into his eyes, bright and sparkling, "I hope you know how very proud I am to call you my wife Mrs. Snow," he tells her, softly so only she can hear.

Soarynn is beaming in his hold, "And I am so very proud to be yours Mr. Snow," she replies, earning her another smile from Coriolanus who slips one hand down her back to kiss her again, this time dipping her down for the fun of it which earns them quite a few whistles but Soarynn doesn't even care. She laughs into the kiss while knowing that she'll be forever safe in his arms, a Snow, loved and guarded until the day she dies.

They finally pull away and face the crowd, now man and wife. Soarynn smiles brightly while she waves at the crowd of friends and Capitolites, all people who can proudly say that they witnessed the wedding of a lifetime. She spots Lucky in the very back of the room, talking animatedly to the camera while pointing at the newlyweds.

Soarynn can't help but laugh, it all feels like a wonderful dream come true.

Their name is announced to the country for the first time, Coriolanus and Soarynn Snow has never sounded better.

They begin to make their way down the steps to walk down the aisle, a slow process to ensure no damage befalls the dress and they're immediately met with cheers from the girls who can't seem to sit still for one more second, jumping up and down while they wave at their parents.

Soarynn makes sure to give them a big wave, blowing a kiss to Caspian who sits comfortably on Eudora's hip while she lifts his little hand to wave at them.

Sejanus steps forward to hand Soarynn her bouquet of roses once more, giving Coriolanus a friendly pat on the shoulder to congratulate his good friend.

Walking down the aisle hand-in-hand with her husband feels like the most natural thing in the world for Soarynn.

She's a Snow now, something that she'll never take for granted for being gifted a last name such as this one is something no one should ever neglect.

꧁ ꧂

Everything is a blur after they walk down the aisle.

They were promptly escorted to their car where they were given an even louder round of applause from all the onlookers who had gathered outside the Building of Justice. Soarynn hadn't known that she was so important to Panem but being tied to Coriolanus meant that she was now the second most important person in the country.

The drive home was shorter than she expected but it massively had to do with the fact that most of the streets had been barricaded and cleared for the wedding procession. And Coriolanus barely gave her a moment to think about anything else but his lips on her neck while he tried to distract her from thinking about anything else but him.

Soarynn did her best to keep him at arm's length since they still had a very long day ahead of them and she could not afford to have a hair out of place, let alone a bruise on her neck.

It's rather strange to walk back into the President's Mansion knowing that it's now Soarynn's official home. Coriolanus has already promised her free reign to design and decorate the house as she pleases.

"Just five minutes," Coriolanus whispers in her ear while wrapping an arm around her waist, "just five minutes alone in my study and then we can go take pictures." Soarynn giggles when his fingers brush against her skin, so persistent, "Behave," she reminds him, "we have to stick to Eudora's schedule."

Eudora has planned this entire day down to the last minute and right now, the Mansion is empty which gives them time to take professional photos before the guests start to arrive. She might have a stroke if she found Coriolanus and Soarynn kissing instead of kissing for the cameras.

Coriolanus groans and holds her waist with both hands, forcing her to stop and look up at him, "My darling," her heart skips a beat from his deep voice, "it's going to be impossible for me to keep my hands off of you today. You look exquisite, you look stunning, perfect really. Five minutes is nothing compared to what's waiting for you tonight."

Another giggle escapes Soarynn's lips although this one is more nervous than anything, losing her virginity is a daunting yet exciting proposition, one she herself can not wait for. But they'll have to wait, they can't just sneak off and expect no one to question their whereabouts.

"Then the buildup will make tonight even more pleasurable," she purrs, straightening the lapels on his suit, "and you do look very handsome Coryo, very Presidential." He smirks and leans in for a kiss, biting her bottom lip just to tease her before Soarynn pulls away, "Photos," she reminds him. Coriolanus sighs, almost moping at the idea of having his photograph taken, "Fine, let's go act like we're in love."

Soarynn chuckles, leading them down the great hall towards the ballroom where they'll start with photos and then go outside, "We've been managing so far haven't we?" His hand finds the small of her back, resting there in a protective manner, something he's fond of doing, "I suppose we have. Even the children are fooled." Soarynn smiles at the thought of seeing the children again. They'll come at the end of the photographs, giving them a chance to take their first-ever family photos.

An exciting thought to Soarynn who is now a mother to three.

"I can't to see them," she admits, leaning into his touch, "they were so well behaved at the ceremony." Coriolanus lets out a grunt of agreement, "They were perfect today. Now we just have to get through dinner."

Soarynn's stomach grumbles at the mention of dinner, she really hasn't eaten anything since breakfast.

Once they reach the ballroom, they're greeted by congratulations and instructions on where to stand and how to pose. It's all a bit awkward to Soarynn who has never really done this before. They take lots of candid photos of her and Coriolanus dancing, kissing, and smiling at one another. To his credit, Coriolanus does his best to make her feel comfortable and at ease, causing her to forget about the millions of photos being taken every second that passes.

"This really is a beautiful dress," he tells her while spinning her around. Soarynn nods in agreement, she feels like a princess, "Tigris truly outdid herself," she says, feeling the soft fabric, "I was worried that it wouldn't be suited to your taste."

Coriolanus shakes his head at her worries, "My taste doesn't matter darling, the dress is beautiful and you are even more beautiful. It's a very flattering design on you."

He has such a way with words.

They take a few more pictures inside before moving outside to the colder weather, "Tigris didn't make you some temporary sleeves?" He teases when Soarynn rubs her arms for warmth. She shoots him a glare, not a fan of his silly little jokes, "Ha, ha. It's not her fault that the Snows insist on getting married in the cold of winter."

Coriolanus helps gather the majority of the dress so that they can safely walk down the steps leading to the Mansion's grounds, "It's a family tradition darling. And it gives me an excuse to wrap my arms around you." He does make a good point.

They take lots more pictures outside, some of them together, and some of them separately. Soarynn can hear lots of excited chatter and she looks up the steps to see the children have finally arrived, along with Eudora and the Preps who almost fall down the steps to rush to her aid when the wind blows her hair out of place.

"Help is on the way sweetie!" Imogen shouts, nearly twisting an ankle in her heels, "Don't fret!"

Coriolanus gives Soarynn an amused smile once she's surrounded by the four women dedicated to making sure she looks perfect today, "Oh you looked so gorgeous," Jadis tells her, fluffing out the train of the dress, "everyone loved the dress." Soarynn sets her hands on her hips while they fuss over her, still aware of the camera capturing her every move, "Thank you, ladies, your efforts didn't go unnoticed today." They all wave her off, insisting that it's a privilege to look after the First Lady of Panem.

Lavender eyes Coriolanus while he talks with the children who clearly have a lot to say about the wedding, "And may I just say, you snagged quite the good-looking man. Tall and good with children? He's a dream come true."

Soarynn laughs at her compliment, "Thank you, I do consider myself very lucky to be his wife."

After a few more minor touch-ups, the Preps declare that Soarynn is once again, "camera ready" and Coriolanus walks over to her with the children. The girls throw all etiquette out the window and run to Soarynn, smiles on their faces, curls bouncing, "We're back! We're back, did you miss us?"

Soarynn bends down once they reach her, holding their sweet faces in her hands, "I missed you so very much my darlings," she tells them, finding no lies in her words, "you were so wonderfully behaved today."

The girls bask in Soarynn's attention and compliment her dress once again, telling her that she's the prettiest princess in the entire world. Caspian uses fewer words to express his feelings about Soarynn's dress but he does reach out to touch it, "Pretty dress Momma," he says, feeling the tulle between his fingers. Soarynn grins and presses a kiss to his cheek, "Thank you, my sweet boy. You look so handsome in your suit, just like your father hmm?"

Coriolanus looks pleased with the comparison, he truly did gift Caspian all of his looks, making them nearly identical, "He'll be quite the ladies man when he gets older." Ceraphina scrunches her nose, "What's a 'ladies man' mean Daddy?"

Coriolanus clears his throat whole trying to come up with a sufficient, age-appropriate answer and Soarynn only gives him a knowing look, "Go on darling, tell the girls what you meant," she says, resting a hand on his arm.

"I'll tell you after dinner," he smoothly answers while pointing at the cameras, "right now we need to take some more photos."

Soaeynn chuckles at his attempts to divert the children's attention but it's successful once Eudora starts shouting at them to smile. Family photos can only last for so long until someone gets their feelings hurt or gets tired of smiling and in this case, it's Celeste who nearly starts crying when Ceraphina gets to take some photos with Coriolanus before she does.

"She always goes first," she cries with the stomp of her little foot. Soarynn ever so carefully crouches down until she's at eye-level with her youngest daughter, wiping away the single tear on Celeste's face, "Darling, he doesn't love you any less because you didn't get to go first. Your father doesn't have favorites, I've told you this before, he loves you all so very much."

Celesye sniffles, watching Coriolanus throw Ceraphian into the air while she shrieks with laughter, "Then why does she always get to go first?" Soarynn sighs, she wishes she had a good answer besides the obvious fact that Ceraphina is the oldest and people tend to do things in order.

"You know," Soarynn says quietly, leaning in as if sharing a big secret, "sometimes they save the best for last." Celeste gasps at her words, her blue eyes widening in amazement, "Really?"

Soarynn nods, crisis averted, "But don't tell anyone okay? This is our big secret." Soarynn holds out her pinky and Celeste does the same with her smaller pinky, locking them together in a sacred pinky promise, "Okay Mommy, I won't tell anyone." Soarynn feels her lips stretch into a big smile at Celeste not calling her by her first name, "Okay good. I knew I could count on you, darling."

A moment later Ceraphina comes skipping over to them, telling Celeste that it's now her turn with her father. "Are you having fun?" She asks Soarynn, folding her hands behind her back like the little Capitol lady she's been raised to be. Soarynn nods, so far she's had no complaints other than her feet are starting to hurt in these heels, "I am having fun, are you having fun?"

"Yep! Daddy says we can have dinner soon and then go dancing and then have cake!"

"You're very excited about the cake aren't you?"

Ceraphina's eyes twinkle with excitement, "Cake is so good! And we can have as much as we want, right?"

"Yes you can," Soarynn confirms, "as long as you don't make yourselves sick." Should the children eat too much and get a stomach ache, Soarynn won't even be here to deal with it. She'll be on her honeymoon which is a strange thought. She's grown so attached to the children, to her children and their daily routines. To step out of what she considers normal feels foreign to her.

"We won't," Ceraphina promises with a giggle, "oh look, it's time to go back inside." Soarynn looks back over at the small army of people they've procured over the past hour and sees Eudora waving at everyone to make their way back into the Mansion, "It's time to eat," she calls, "we can't afford to run behind schedule."

Celeste runs back over to Soarynn, her curls bouncing so much that her hairbow almost falls out, "C'mon Mommy!" She reaches her hand out for Soarynn and Soarynn has to actively contain her smile when she takes Celeste's small hand. "I'm coming," she tells her, making sure that Caspian isn't left behind but he's being quite independent right now, walking by himself, batting away any hands that are offered to him.

Coriolanus joins them, taking Ceraphina's hand as they climb up all the steps and Caspian does, eventually, ask to be carried. "The children will come with me so you two can make a separate entrance," Eudora explains, "we'll make sure all the guests are seated, make a toast," she nods at Coriolanus, "then the food will be served."

"When's the cake gonna come out?" Ceraphina asks, the rest of Eudora's plans going in one ear and out the other which nearly sends Eudora into a spiral. "After we dance sweetheart," Soarynn quickly answers, saving Ceraphina from getting a short lecture about listening to adults. Eudora's eye twitches but there's no time to waste, "Right, now come along children, time to find our seats."

The girls follow Eudora without question but Caspian seems more reluctant once he's set back down on his own two feet, "Momma come," he says, tugging on Soarynn's dress. She gives him a sad smile, "I'll be right behind you sweet boy, I promise. Go follow your sisters so we can see each other sooner."

Perhaps it's because he has Lenny in his other hand and his lion always manages to offer him some strength but Caspian reluctantly follows his sisters back into the ballroom, the Preps right after him, leaving Soarynn and Coriolanus alone once again.

Coriolanus wastes no time in wrapping an arm around Soarynn, pulling her against him and pressing a kiss to her cheek, "Have I told you how radiant you look today darling? The sun might as well stop shining since we have you around to light up the room."

Soarynn giggles at his shameless flirting, he's always been so charming, so effortless in knowing what to say. She rests her hands on his chest, feeling the rich fabric of his suit between her fingers, "You're really buttering me up aren't you Coryo?" He doesn't even seem ashamed and he pulls her in a little closer until only a few inches stand between their faces, "Well I already know for a fact that you taste delicious," he says quietly, his piercing blue eyes reflecting a deep desire that she's not entirely familiar with yet.

Soarynn feels her entire face turning pink with embarrassment, how can he say such things with so much confidence?

Coriolanus only chuckles when he sees her face and presses a soft, sweet kiss to her lips, a kiss that's patient and not at all lustful. Soarynn sighs into the kiss, giving into her husband's needs wholeheartedly. After all, she did vow to always be there for him no matter what.

When they pull away, she's breathless and it's not from the cold, "Celeste called me 'Mommy' a moment ago," she whispers, her lips stretching into a big smile unable to contain her excitement, "I didn't think the children would start so soon."

Coriolanus wears a proud expression on his face and kisses her forehead before loosening his grip on her waist, allowing for more distance to be put between them. "Well, Caspian has thought of you as his mother since the day you walked through the front door so I'm not surprised at all. Ceraphina will warm up to it once she hears her siblings using it, she remembers the most out of all of them."

Soarynn nods, he's right, of course, she does. Ceraphina is the oldest and therefore spent the most time with Livia before she passed, even if those moments weren't happy ones, she still remembers her mother.

It’s just such an exciting sign of progress for the children who have been forced to deal with grief at such a young age. Soarynn could barely pull herself together when her own father passed away and she was well into young adulthood. She supposes that it’s simply the life one must live when their father is the President of Panem, faced with challenges most children could never imagine.

But they've done exceedingly well so far in her opinion, never acting out in public, only getting into silly, minor arguments. They're angels really.

Angels that are now her angels and Soarynn will never take that for granted.

| Part 12. |

| tumblr oneshot/drabble |

{ Part 13. )

| tag list: @thevoicesinmyprettylittlehead @strawberriicakes @wonderlandbound111 @villiansarehottest @iswearicanfixhim @melodyoflovee |

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hongism · 1 year ago

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mists of celeste ➻ 50

➻ pairing: ??? x fem reader ➻ genre: space au, pirate au, space pirate!ateez, angst, smut ➻ word count: 17.1k ➻ rating: M ➻ warnings: language ➻ summary: Months into your stay aboard The Horizon, it becomes apparent that things are not as cut and dry as you thought, and that you might have bitten off more than you could chew with this crew.

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──────────── act seven ➻ part two

The transport can barely hold the entirety of your crew as it stands now — your extra guests included — and it makes for a rather cramped setting. Part of that feeling could be due to how San stands close to you still, his hand overlapping yours on the handle hanging down from the ceiling of the vehicle as you stick to the edges where it gives you a clear view out the windows. Hongjoong’s figure lingers in your peripherals, seated not far from where you’ve parked yourself, but as the rest of the crew fidgets to make themselves comfortable, San shifts to block your line of sight with the captain. You turn to the right and look across the transport. Mirroring you on the opposite end stands both Berserkers, but it’s Mingi who you make direct eye contact with. In a movement that’s invisible to all but prying eyes, he shakes his head every so slightly left and right.

It’s a pointless gesture, as you had already settled to resign yourself to the fate Hongjoong laid out for you in this mission. Maybe he’s simply warning you against fighting back again. Maybe he’s answering some unknown question you haven’t even thought to ask yet. He knows more than he lets on, that much is true, and now you know it for certain given his presence at the pinnacle of your humiliation thus far.

You’ve been asking yourself what your defiance is for a great many times since sharing that conversation with him, however, for better or for worse. The answer is always the same anyway.

The transport lurches as it moves off the dock. Far below, the waters running through the gorge glisten with the sunshine reflecting off its surface. Though a vibrant bright green, the color appears more milky than it is clear even at this distance, and thick tendrils of fog paint the darker corners of the base of the gorge. A far cry from the beauty you saw waiting across the dock, what lies below doesn’t look at all inviting.

Beside you, San is picking at a loose thread on his form-fitting top, and you lightly swat his hand away from the spot before he pulls a hole in the fabric.

“Hey,” he murmurs just quietly enough to avoid prying ears.

“Hey,” you echo back. Silently, you push your body closer to his until you’re close enough to feel his breath on your skin.

“Nervous?”

“A bit.”

San presses his cheek against the side of your head.

“Just like any other mission. You’ve got this.”

“One without you. And Seonghwa.”

San tuts gently as he leans further down to your ear. “But with Jongho and Mingi.” He passes you as reassuring a smile as he can manage, and it does little to ease the bundle of nerves coiling in your gut. Your brief time in the open air on this planet was enough to make your skin crawl and itch. “I would go if I could,” he continues, and his gaze flits like he wants to look back over his shoulder at his captain but thinks better of it at the last second.

The barge lurches to a halt, and you lay a hand against San’s jacket to keep yourself steady when your body threatens to throw you backward. He covers your fingers with his own, remaining that way until everyone has filed out of the transport. A man stands beside the doors, though he isn’t much of a friendly face with the way a scowl seems to be permanently etched into his features. He shoves something into your hands and then into San’s before slapping the side of the transport to signal for the doors to shut.

“Remember protocol unless you’re looking to be outta your damn minds!” he yells across the small crowd that forms your crew. One glance down shows you that he’s handed you a gas mask, and everyone around you bears a matching one. He wears one similar, bound around his neck with a clasp that must be like the one attached to the back of yours. San silently takes it from your grasp and brings it up and around your neck — a crude echo of a romantic gesture one might do with a real necklace. “Masks up when the church bell rings three times at night, no later than that. Kid’ll need a smaller one from one of the stalls in the market, so be sure to get ‘im one before nightfall. As for where you stay at night, be sure to find some reputable spot with air filters. Otherwise, you’ll be wanting to wear them masks while you sleep too.”

“Gas masks and air filters…” you mutter as you thumb over the item now attached to your neck. “What’s up with this place?” San hums and steps to your side. He falls into step alongside you, and in that same moment, Yeosang deigns to turn where he stands and look you over.

“Natural hallucinogens in the air. They come up from the water below. When the sun is out, you will be unaffected because the heat from the sunlight prevents the toxins from spreading beyond the water so much, but once the sun sets, it becomes potent enough to enter your bloodstream and settle in your system. At that point, you wouldn’t be able to tell reality from whatever fantasy your mind conjures up for you.”

Your fingers tighten around the gas mask.

"What a lovely vacation spot for us then," San grumbles.

However, despite that inherent danger now looming over your head, the town ahead is quite visually stunning, and its intrigue only grows as you walk into the streets alongside the crew. Hongjoong, of course, hangs near the front as both your captain and the one who knows where you're all headed. Jongho and Yunho drift back to where you and San walk close enough to touch hands, but neither one of you makes the move to do so. It's sharply contrasted to how Wooyoung walks beside Yeosang a few steps away, with such little space between them that their shoulders overlap and Wooyoung's feet threaten to collide with Yeosang's at every step. Cute, in a sense, and a welcome sight given the falling out you had witnessed some time ago now, but it still lingers in your memory every time you look at them interacting. Off to your right, Mingi has found a place beside Luca, and on the other side stand the other three recent additions to your crew. It only leaves one unaccounted for, but the soft sounds of footsteps behind you give you a clear enough idea as to where Seonghwa is.

You've been refused the pleasure of sensing his emotions since your more explosive fight. Though you haven't done the same to him in return; if anything, you hope that he can feel the sharp edges of your anger each time you look at him.

You must be scowling now at the mere thought of the man because San’s fingers dance across your knuckles before securing his index finger around your pinky — a display of affection discreet enough to hide from prying eyes.

“I don’t like the vibes of this place,” Yunho mutters from a few steps ahead of you. He coughs as you pass by a pillared torch that burns purple flames and opaque smoke across the streets. Given their multitude on either side of the cobbled roads, you’d make the safe assumption that these are meant to be street lamps to light the streets, minus the electricity, and it would make a good amount of sense for the atmosphere to shift the color of the flames in some manner. Though there hardly seems any need for the lights when you were so adamantly warned against setting foot outside after dark, unless the natives ignore such warnings for themselves.

“This is where we’ll be staying for the duration of our stay here!” Hongjoong’s voice booms back across the group, and when he turns around to face his crew, your eyes glance across each other for a split second before they fall to the man behind you. “You’re welcome to go in and make yourselves comfortable, or you can explore the city as you see fit. Everyone stay connected over the comms channel and be indoors by dark.”

The group disperses for the most part, though you stay close to San’s side, content to follow him instead of deciding what to do yourself. The building is nice enough: simple in its design and very minimal in terms of windows, but you suppose that makes sense given what you’ve been told of this place thus far. It blends in with the other buildings on the street with its dark brown wood and ivory trim, and the lanterns that hang from the overhang of the roof bear the same purple-hued flames that the streetlamps do. It does make everything bear a sort of ominous atmosphere to a certain extent — it would be far more unsettling in the dark, as most things are — but a promised safe haven is simply that: a safe haven.

“You—” Hongjoong lunges for Yunho’s arm as the man tries to turn into the hostel “—keep close to me. Normies are particularly desired in places like these.”

As Seonghwa steps around you to head for the doors, his glare on the back of Yunho’s head is as apparent as it is heavy. Yunho himself is equally caught off guard as he is confused, but he receives no further explanation beyond that simple ominous statement.

“I’ll get everything sorted and take care of the payments,” he says to the captain, earning nothing more than a firm nod and a wave of Hongjoong’s free hand. His gaze sticks even when Hongjoong’s does not. While the only witnesses to the affront are you and San, it's still uncomfortable to a high degree. It doesn't continue for much longer at least, as the man finally steps through the door to the hostel and leaves the rest of you in silence. Your gaze drifts over to view San’s side profile. He glances down to look at you in return, eyes turning to pretty crescents, and you loop your hand around his elbow.

"I imagine this won't be a stress-free trip as we wish it to be," he whispers, pulling you closer to his body as you start to follow behind Hongjoong and Yunho. You can’t respond right away. The pair ahead of you pulls your focus for a moment, in a stance so similar to your own with San that it causes realization to dawn on you.

“We’re okay, right?” you ask out of the blue. For a moment you think San hasn’t heard you, but he very clearly has based on how stiff his expression becomes. Lie to me. I’m so desperate for your lies.

“Yeah,” he nods, “we are.” It tastes sweet and feels heavy on your skin.

“You know, Y/n, it was San who recommended that you have an important role in this mission.” Hongjoong’s voice slices through you at a diagonal, hunting the spot where it will hurt the most like it’s for sport, and his timing is so apt that you believe he’s heard the words exchanged behind him. You don’t give him the pleasure of looking in his direction. San lifts his free hand to lay it over the one you have secured around his elbow like he fears you letting go but your grip is still firm. Nails dig into his exposed skin. You know it will leave a mark.

San’s face is ripped to shreds with a mixture of regret and sympathy. His expression is too genuine for you to find any deception in it.

“I didn’t think he would take it seriously, I… in retrospect, I must look fucking stupid because I thought that he would take both of us on the mission.” San’s eyes drop to the ground. “I asked to go. I wasn’t expecting him to choose Yunho over me.”

Again, Hongjoong pushes himself into a conversation not meant for him.

“San isn’t fully healed to the point of mission clearance. Both of our resident doctors said as much, for differing reasons.” You wish that the claws he’s dug deep beneath San’s skin to twist around his heart and make him do as he pleases were not so tightly wound. You wish you could know with certainty that removing them would not kill San in the process. You wish you could know that the blood seeping from San’s chest in the aftermath would not be on your hands.

None of those things are certain or doomed to change, however, and you must remain firmly in place where you are with San and hope for an outcome other than agony by his side.

The captain reaches down between his body and Yunho’s, and you watch the man lace his fingers through Yunho’s in a way that almost seems natural enough to believe that it’s a regular occurrence. Nothing more than an attempt to keep the man by his side, however, and you turn your chin away from the sight partly because you feel like you’re encroaching.

“Go on and pick out whatever you need,” Hongjoong’s voice sounds far sweeter than you know the man to be, with a sort of melodic lull to how he speaks that makes your skin itch. This sort of intimacy is unnatural for him. You cannot tell whether it’s genuine or not either. The tips of Yunho’s ears are stained red; you can see as much from where you stand despite the man’s efforts to keep his head firmly forward. “Do you want me to get you anything nice while we’re here?”

“It’s fine.” His tone is as stiff as he is, yet his hand clings to Hongjoong’s like the other man will let go at any second and he can’t bear the thought of such a thing happening. “We just need to restock some medicines, and I want to see what they have in the way of ingredients. I imagine they’ve got lots of local stuff I wouldn’t be able to get anywhere else. It would be nice to try some new stuff. Do you think there’s an apothecary nearby? Having some options other than pills would be good… the locals ought to have some recipes I can’t get anywhere else. Oh, and painkillers! I’m running low, I could have sworn I had a few extra bottles in stock—”

“You mentioned you had forgotten to restock them last week.”

“Ah, did I?” Yunho finally dares to glance down at the man walking alongside him. Despite the clear question in his tone, what you can see of his expression from his side profile does not match that — because what do a sharp stare and taut frown have in common with confusion?

“You’ve been frazzled lately; it’s understandable.” Hongjoong turns to look up at him in return, and a smile that’s soft around the edges pulls at the corners of his lips. His free hand moves up to brush down the strays in Yunho’s bangs. “Let’s pick up some more just in case you're unsure, yeah?”

“Do you wanna sneak away on our own?” San’s voice comes from close to your ear, closer than you expect it to be, and you inhale sharply as your gaze tears off the discomforting scene unfolding feet ahead of you. He’s already pulling you away before you even offer up a few nods in response, and if Hongjoong or Yunho notices your departure, neither one comments on it. You quickly discover, however, that you are not alone in your discomfort as San speaks again under his breath. “They weren’t speaking at all days ago and now he acts all domestic like that with Yunho as though nothing happened… it’s infuriating to watch.”

“Not at all surprising though, is it?” your words come out through a mutter. You expect some level of retaliation from San given how staunchly he’s defended Hongjoong to you in the past, but now he’s quiet. “Love isn’t easy.”

“Love’s not, but what he does is.”

What he does to Yunho and Seonghwa both — those things should not be considered love to any degree, but you aren’t sure how a man such as Hongjoong shows love. If he feels it at all, that is.

"I'm not sure there's a single one of us who has done it perfectly, I suppose," San continues after a breath of hesitation. "But we can try. To mend the wounds we may cause by accident along the way, and to meet others halfway. Learn how best to love." He doesn't look at you directly but the words are spoken into your heart and soul. You cling to his arm tighter still.

Is this real or am I lying with a lion intent on devouring me for the sake of another?

San gives you his love, and you do not doubt that one bit — those around him have vouched for his fragile heart and kindness far too much for you to doubt him to that degree. There is simply a line in the sand you cannot decipher, where San’s love intersects with Hongjoong’s influence over him. You don't wish to think of these things as of now, however. This trip is meant to be a vacation to some degree, even though you're tasked with other things, and you want to take a vacation from thinking about your captain and his manipulative bullshit as well.

“Did you do this sort of thing often? Before I joined the crew, I mean.” San resituates your hand so that it now sits encased in his, and he pulls it down to dangle between your bodies. The action feels natural, coming with an inherent comfort that makes your heart pulse with emotion.

“From time to time here and there. I wouldn’t say we made a habit of it by any means, but it was a whole lot harder to take trips like this when the crew was more full.”

“Not even after the crew got smaller?”

“Oh, we had a few! But Hongjoong was—” San pauses and his face contorts a little before he continues “—working himself to an early grave at that point. Early on, we took a small trip when it was just Jongho and me on the crew. Hongjoong was doing business, of course, and Seonghwa was still in the phases of not letting him go off anywhere alone, so Jongho and I got to have something of a break.” The memory must be a rather fond one given how wide the smile that pulls at his lips is. “After Hongjoong discovered Jongho in the cargo bay, he changed course to Yuki and we stopped at Rohtah for a short while. Mostly for Captain to find some fresh faces for the crew, so I had to be at his beck and call when necessary. Jongho and I got to bond quite a bit during that trip though so it was… really nice. One of the most pleasant memories I have of being with the crew. At least until Yunho came along! He made the atmosphere so much livelier once he came along, and we started to do some recreational stuff on the ship instead of saving it for when we were planetside. Things we still do now like cards and games, and Jongho got a guitar at one of our stops so we started having music nights and — and everyone would be there, and Hongjoong was there and he would actually be there with us. Not in the corner of the room doing that thing he does where he just stares at us like we’re part of a different world that he can’t join in on.”

San’s rambling is endearing, complete with a sort of child-like excitement that makes his face light up, and you wish desperately that you could share in those happy memories of his with the same joy that he seems to be experiencing at present. Melancholy cuts through it with a jagged edge too, however, making the smile break before it reaches his eyes. The nights where the whole crew partakes in games and fun are so few and far between that they seem distant, and you’ve only seen Jongho pull the guitar from his room on a handful of occasions when you’ve occupied space in the ship for a decently long amount of time now.

“It was inevitable,” San continues just as you’re parting your lips to offer him some kind of comfort, “in many ways. The crew grew too large to keep that atmosphere. We didn’t even have rooms to ourselves at the height of the Scourge’s reign of terror over the starry skies; I shared with Jongho back then, and Yunho before that for a while. The ship was crowded as hell to the point where you couldn’t so much as walk outside the bathroom in your own room without seeing another person there, but it felt so lived in.” You’ve lost sight of Hongjoong and Yunho at this point, and as you continue to walk further into the city, the streets are filling out with the hustle and bustle of locals going about their days. “The Horizon was rarely quiet back then, and I can’t imagine how that impacted our Berserkers, even the several we had outside Jongho and Mingi. It was jarring going from that to… what was virtually silence in the halls.”

“Do you miss those days?” you ask. San’s eyes wander from stall to stall, occasionally searching the doors and signs hanging from buildings along the way.

“Yes and no. I so preferred it when the crew was small and close-knit the way it was before. And even though it’s small now…” Gaze becoming distant, San slows to a halt in the midst of the cobbled street. You don’t push him to keep moving and instead just pull yourself next to him without a word. “Someone ruined that peace we had before. There are still nights where I lie awake, incapable of even closing my eyes because I wish so badly that I had snapped his neck when I had the chance, even if it risked my captain’s hatred and punishment. I wish I hadn’t been a weapon then so that I could’ve acted on my own accord, to do what needed to be done and spared everyone the horror that followed. But that’s not how the universe wanted it to play out, I suppose.”

“Why did Hongjoong not kill that man?” you inquire under your breath, barely looking over at San out of the corner of your eye. He seems all too eager to kill me if I so much as breathe in his direction the wrong way. How could he not kill someone who truly betrayed him so deeply?

“That’s a question for him, not me.” San’s lips twitch in a sorry attempt at a smile. “I have wondered the very same myself for a long time though, so you aren’t alone in your wonder. Come on, I saw a stall over on this side that I wanted a closer look at.” You find some reassurance in the knowledge that San is as unaware as you are, for once, but that creeping thought makes you feel worse about yourself so you push it to the side and let San guide you over to one of the street vendors.

“Come to look at my wares, young ones?” An elderly woman greets you with creased eyes and a smile that brings wisened lines out of her face. “I have all sorts of honeymoon jewelry if that’s what you’re looking for!”

You glance over at San in a panic, but there’s a smile tugging at your lips and you can’t fight it nor can you pinpoint where it comes from to begin with. He’s biting back a grin himself, one that’s a tad more reserved than your own, though his gaze doesn’t fall away from the lady’s for a second.

“Please, show me your favorite pieces. We aren’t married but I would like to find something nice for my partner nonetheless.”

“Not married yet, I see, I see. There’s still time yet! Our little city here is quite the romantic getaway if you know the right places to look, and if you’re up for a little adventure.” You look up from the display of jewelry before you only to make direct eye contact with the woman from across the stand, and she passes you a more than a little obvious wink that makes you exhale what can only be described as a pained laugh. Without thinking too deeply about it, your hand drifts towards a set of earrings on the display case.

"Do you like those?" San asks, eyes flitting over to watch your movements closely. You lay your hand flat against the glass as you lean forward a hair and take a closer look at them. Simple, silver, no gems adorning them, and clearly hand-twisted metal that winds itself into the shape of a curved seven. One of the two has a chain attached to it, short but with a cylindrical shape dangling downwards.

"They're pretty," you murmur before withdrawing your hand and smiling at the woman.

"These are a special set, yes," she hums, "the chime here is a charm of protection." She opens the case and lifts one of the cuffs out, showing off the piece in its full glory with the chime tinkling as she moves it. The sound isn't obnoxious, more like a softer version of the windchimes you saw outside some of the buildings on your walk, and the metal is so polished that you can see your distorted reflection in it. "It is meant to ward off foul intentions and spirits if blessed by a loved one. A very charming piece indeed."

"Ah…" comes your quiet noise of acknowledgment, and the woman reaches out to lift your hand with her own, exposing your palm to the sky as she sets the piece there and nods towards you. You understand the implication of her action, and if you were a bit more bold in that area of things, you would ask San to give his blessing with no shame. It shouldn't be difficult for you either considering how the old woman has already clocked the two of you as a couple, but it feels far too intimate to ask San to do something like that in front of her. Hell, you don't even know if he believes in such acts or if you do yourself really. Would it be too much to ask from him or—

San's hand comes across your vision and covers your palm briefly, and when he pulls away the piece of jewelry is gone from your hand. He clasps his hands together in front of him and lifts them to his face, lips brushing against his thumb as he mouths unknown words against it. In a way, he seems like a man praying before an altar. When his eyes snap back open, he unfolds his hands and presses a kiss to the earring.

"There." San's focus turns to you in that moment, and your eyes meet, and there's a second in which your heart clenches so tightly in your chest that it burns. Your chest aches, eyes stinging from the sudden onset of emotion you see in San’s gaze, and you can do nothing but stand completely still. "Does it go this way?"

You get a moment to breathe again when he diverts his attention back to the shopkeeper so that she can show him which side to put the piece on. Yet when he comes back to you, his hand is reaching up to move the hair around your right ear out of the way, and you can't keep from clasping your fingers around his forearm just to secure yourself to the man in some way. His fingers are hot against your skin (or maybe your ears are flaming with embarrassment) but the metal is blessedly cool as he secures it in its proper place.

"Is it comfortable?" he inquires through the same cat-like grin you recall him wearing the first time you laid eyes on each other. The memory hits you out of nowhere, flashing before your eyes in a split second. Here you are all this time later, in a position and a place you never imagined you would find yourself in, and there's so much love in you as he moves your hands together so that you can cling to him better.

"Yes, it's perfect," you reply. Love blooms so beautifully before your eyes and in your chest as he tucks his chin to his chest and hides glowing cheeks and red-tinged ears.

Turning back to the elderly lady, you find her waiting with the other cuff in hand, and you take it from her with a quiet word of gratitude.

"I'd like these two pieces as well, please," San requests, though you can't see what he's pointing to clearly, and your heart won't calm down enough to let your thoughts return to normal coherence. So, you leave it be and busy yourself with tucking the second cuff around your other ear on your own while San collects his items and pays the woman with his credit chip. He tucks everything into his pocket once she hands them over, and she sends the two of you off with an excited wave.

“I hope all goes well for the two of you. May the spirits watch over you.”

“Thank you, may the spirits watch over you.” San bows his head at her before the two of you walk away. He tilts his head towards yours, whispering as close to your ear as he can get without knocking your heads together. “This city is very firm in spirituality and religion. When I looked at a map with all the buildings shown, I found at least six churches in a fairly small radius. But the spirit shops can be found practically on every street corner depending on what road you’re on. On our walk into the city, I heard almost every native say that phrase in farewell to those they were talking with, so it must be something customary regardless of belief.”

You reach up to toy with the chime hanging from your ear.

“Is that why you blessed this then?”

“Maybe I… an added layer of protection never hurts, especially in our line of work. Even if something small, even if the words and prayers of a nonbeliever are not enough to be a suitable blessing, it at least has my heart behind it. I wish for your safety every night and your happiness every morning anyway, so what’s the harm in hoping this will do the same?”

“San.”

He reaches around your side and pinches your waist between his fingers, a laugh on his lips that echoes against the soft tinkling of wind chimes in the air.

“Come, let’s keep wandering around before we’re called back to our captain’s side.”

────────────

Evening comes quickly, and with it something you dread. The slight consolation you have is that you’re less and less apprehensive with each meeting you have with the therapist-psychologist-psychiatrist medley that is Minho, but it doesn’t keep you from fidgeting in the seat you find yourself in now. Seated outside, the sun has yet to dip under the edge of the mountain range so you can still enjoy the outdoor air some without fear of insanity or whatever else night may bring. Said doctor sits near you, mulling over a mug of what seems to be coffee based on the aroma hanging about your small shared table, and he too watches the edge of the mountains.

“What’s been on your mind recently?”

Despite anticipating such a question, you let out a noise akin to a ‘hm’ and let silence pull back over you.

“A lot and nothing at all, at the same time. And you?”

Minho grins but it’s clear that he does not appreciate your attempt at a joke. “I’m enjoying fresh air and nature that is not confined to a rocky and putrid desert. Our last little planetside visit was far from pleasant vacationing scenery, no?”

“Unless one enjoys freezing winds and bland landscapes, but yes, I’ll agree with you on that.”

The doctor clears his throat around a mouthful of coffee, and you know it’s as subtle as he’s going to be about prompting you to shift the subject to other things. Minho is nothing if not a patient man, however, for better or for worse. You have no way out here, and he is not going to prompt you for a response so your only option here is to answer him.

“I have been having a hard time understanding some people on the crew. Their motives and intentions with me — that sort of thing,” you admit while squinting at the table. In your peripheral, you catch Minho’s glance and continue speaking before he can even begin to ask you to elaborate. “It’s hard to find the line between where they’re being genuine and where they’re trying to get something out of me. I did try to solve the problem on my own. I spoke to someone about it, and yet that led to a rabbit hole and now I find myself doubting much of what I thought to be true. That line of thought only makes me wonder further though. I didn’t doubt so much before. Now I can’t determine whether I was blissfully in the dark or if I’m being led to believe things that are untrue.”

You jerk your chin to the left and stare your companion down, hoping that he’ll understand you’re done venting for the time being. He raises his brows at you over the edge of his mug without ceasing his movements, and after what seems to be a purposefully drawn-out sip, he leans back in his chair and rests the mug on his thigh.

“Interpersonal relationships are difficult by nature. When there are two people close to you saying things that are at odds with each other, it becomes harder. How does one decide who is telling the truth? Are they perhaps both telling some portion of the truth? If you lean more towards one side then does that make you biased? Does it mean you care for one more than the other? Sometimes we fear how our reactions will affect relationships more than what the truth truly is.”

“I do trust one more than the other,” you add through a slight shake of your head. Minho jolts forward a little with an inhale as his lips part to speak again.

“I anticipate that you will not want to use actual names when discussing this, so how about we use hypothetical names in place of them?”

“I’m certain you already know,” you counter in the same breath.

He matches your tone as it drops to a whisper. “What I know or don’t know is not important. This is for your comfort. If bringing their names into this makes you feel uncomfortable or as though you are blaming them, then using fake names can mitigate those feelings. Call them anything — day, night, tree, rock, stone, fuckass and shithead even — whatever you please.” His words have their intended effect in making you let out a breathy laugh.

“I trust… Rock more than I trust Stone.” That goes without saying really because you have known San (or Rock rather) far longer than you’ve known Nightingale. “But Rock doesn’t always answer my questions and often speaks around my questions in such a way that it makes me have doubts. I don’t need him to tell me everything, of course, and I do trust him more than Stone by a landslide. It’s just that what Stone said threw me off.”

“Why are you so quick to take Stone for his word if you trust Rock more?”

“Because it was so eerily close to reality that I was frightened.”

“Did you ask if Stone knew about your reality? Or ask Rock if he spoke about it with Stone before your conversation?”

“I — I didn’t even think to.” Minho is watching your face very carefully, a wry smile planted on his lips. “I’ll do so though.”

“That might be worth a try,” he answers in the same kind tone as always. “Start there, and if the results are not enough to ease your concerns, then we can revisit the conversation at another time.”

“I like that idea.”

“Do you feel more comfortable speaking with me these days, Y/n?”

“I do,” you say, though Minho hardly looks convinced by your answer. “I really do. It’s far easier to have a second voice to offer an opinion. Even if the topics still do make me uncomfortable.”

“Well, that feeling is natural. Those who find it easy to disclose the deepest and darkest parts of themselves to others are often either unaware of their flaws or hiding some pain. We as humans tend to realize what things might be perceived as bad or ugly to others, and thus there is some extent of shame surrounding talking about those things. Even if the perceptions come from stigma.”

“I wouldn’t say I fear your judgment necessarily.”

“Then, shall we try something a bit different today?” Minho’s words are accompanied by the unwelcome noise of his chair scraping against cobbles, and you twist at the waist to follow him with your gaze as he moves away from the table. “Would you be open to laying down over here on your back?” He gestures down towards a bench not far away, one close to the tree that the whole courtyard is centered around, and without verbal response, you move to do as asked.

There’s no need to bother with asking what he wants you to do this for; that question would result in a snarky ‘you’ll see’ or a quick ‘is that a no then’. So, you seat yourself on the bench and lay flat against the cool stone until all you can see are the branches of the tree and bits of darkening sky over your head.

“Close your eyes. I want you to envision your parents first.” Minho’s voice moves around your head, from ear to ear. You see nothing behind your eyelids though, not even a wisp of an idea of the people who are supposed to be so fundamental and crucial in a person’s memories. “I’m going to ask you a series of questions. There’s no need to answer them verbally to me but try to answer them to yourself to the best of your ability. Did you know your parents? What did they look like? What role did they have in your life? What were they like as parents? As people?”

The sole memory you have of them is nothing more than figments and knowledge that was passed onto you by another.

“Happy birthday, my darling. I can hardly believe you’re seven already!” The first voice to touch our ears is deep enough to be that of a man, and the second comes out more feminine and has a certain warmth to it that catches you off-guard.

“Dear, they’re waiting outside.”

“Just… give me but a moment with our child, Marina. They won’t die if I take a few minutes to celebrate our daughter’s day.”

Your father at the very least seemed to love you. Perhaps your mother did as well, in some odd and convoluted way.

“If you can’t recall them well, then a childhood friend? What of them?”

Wooyoung is the most obvious answer to that question, though only because you are aware that you should remember him from your childhood. That remains just as hazy, however, with nothing more than tiny fragments that you have been trying hard to piece together for some time now. He was your childhood friend. Bread boy. Tsukio. The boy with lavender hair who reached for your hand in unending waters time and time again before he could finally reach you.

“Now yourself? Who were you as a child, Y/n? What games did you play? What did you wish to be when you grew up and what did you become? What led you to join the military, pushed you to forget everything and start over?” Minho’s questions are coming too rapidly now for you to keep up with, and you let a noise of frustration slip from your lips as you try to find the answers to everything in your mind. “It’s okay to get frustrated and annoyed. That’s part of the process. But don’t give up quite yet.” His voice comes to a standstill somewhere behind your head, but it still sounds somewhat far and away. “Your identity changed at a certain point, did it not? When you were fourteen years old and decided to take that serum to forget everything that had happened to you before. Who were you in the military?” A killer. “What was your rank, your position, your duty, your unit — what was your purpose?” To kill. “Who were you and what did you become?”

“The Ghost of Eros,” you say aloud without thinking. Something touches your shoulder without warning and every muscle in your body tenses at the sudden breach of focus. Your eyes snap open in hopes of finding the offending touch, but instead, you make eye contact with Minho, who now crouches beside the bench near your head with a very firm and unnerving stare settled on you.

“Who were you before joining the Scourge’s crew?”

Frustration creeps in a second time because you don’t get it. Minho is trying to make a point with all of this, and you still don’t understand what exactly he’s trying to convey to you.

“The Ghost of Eros.”

“And who are you now?”

You sit up, forcing his hand to fall away from your shoulder, and all you can do for several seconds is stare at your lap while shaking your head.

“I’m… it hasn’t changed? I’m still as I was.” Your eyes seek to find Minho once again for answers. He smiles back at you.

“Exactly. You are still the Ghost of Eros, but you need to let yourself believe that again. Your strength didn’t go away, just as you told me that your skills are still with you. Your willpower, intelligence, the things that brought you out of that place you were in — those are skills just the same, and they have not gone away. So you need to stop believing that they have.”

“I-I don’t — what are you trying to get at?” His words seem so intentional and pointed that it makes your head spin somewhat. What does he know that you don’t?

“You are equipped to withstand any trial set before you. Yet when we have these discussions, I find a deep-rooted sense of self-doubt in you. Whether that comes from the confusion of not wholly knowing who you are or from the influence of external forces, it is a hard thing to uproot and remove. I cannot give you a shovel and tell you to dig it out, but I can give you the means to break it down so that it will not grow further. I can remind you that you already have the tools needed to do so if you remember where to look.” Minho sits down in the space behind your back, and you sling your legs to the side so that you can sit parallel to him before the tree ahead of you. “There was a time when your name was second only to the Scourge’s in bars and amongst pirate crews. Is that legacy meant to play second fiddle to his? Is that what you desire? Some parts of you must not want that because you resist authority so heavily. You have forgotten that name and in turn, let him forget it as well. I did not see you cave when faced with the ghosts of your past. You did not cave to a king you perceived to be a tyrant. You have pulled yourself away from so many things, wearing your name as a mantle that represents who you are and what you are capable of. Why do you hesitate to remind your sole competition of the same?”

Minho stares ahead at the tree yet you look to the ground with fingers clenched hard around the edge of the bench. You recall the first time you laid eyes on Hongjoong in the flesh, outside of wanted posters and scant dossiers that did nothing to fully encapsulate the man who is the Scourge of the Black Sea. Even back then, he had looked past you as though you were nothing to him, yet in return, you did not find yourself afraid of him at all. Have you become afraid of him now? Why?

“I wish to be acknowledged as that,” you state resolutely. “Someone strong and fearsome and on his level. He doesn’t treat me like I’m the Ghost of Eros still. I-I want him to.”

Minho hums. “It would be easier to fall in line, would it not?”

Ask yourself what your defiance is really for.

You realize the answer to that question now. Mingi laid down his mantle as the Brute of Kebos for a multitude of reasons, and you can understand now why he views defiance to be a shoddy decision. What he had before was nothing pretty or desirable. The same could be said of your past as well, but you have never desired to set your mantle aside and become something small and diminishable on the Scourge’s crew. A weapon is only as good as the one wielding it, and Hongjoong frankly does not wield you and your abilities as he should.

“It would…”

“With its feet tied and wings clipped, what hope does a caged bird have?” Minho pats your knee before standing up. From where you sit, you can just barely glimpse at the ugly brand sitting on the back of his neck, crude scars and all. “It can still carve its way out with its beak, no? Do not let yourself be buried by those with the intent to put you beneath them. Be strong.” He leaves you with that, alone on the bench in the courtyard before a blooming tree whose roots stretch and pull at the stone meant to cover it.

For the first time, someone is telling you to fight, and fight, you most certainly will.

There’s a good amount of time where you sit in the same place without moving because the conversation has left your head a bit fuzzy. The only reason you don’t linger any longer in the courtyard is because the sun is continuing to dip closer to the horizon and you are not eager to find out what the nightlife is like.

The air clings to your skin a bit when you step through the door, not too different from the humidity outside, but the warmth is welcome in a different way. Music hits your ears at the same time, and you find yourself drifting toward the source of the noise out of sheer curiosity. The sight you find unfolding before you brings pause to your step, though only briefly because your feet are once again compelled to move and push you forwards.

Jongho is the first one you see, sitting on the edge of a couch with a guitar of some sort in his hands — one that must be local to Gorgon due to its foreign appearance. Yeosang sits nearby, close to the couch on some sort of box that he taps the flats of his hands against, and his rhythm matches Jongho’s so perfectly that you’d be hard-pressed to believe that they’ve never done this before. The table that had been set in front of the couch has been dragged to the side to make more space available, and right now Wooyoung occupies that space with Mingi, hands gently folded around Mingi’s forearms like he’s trying to both steady and guide the man at once. You only catch sight of a fifth and final person once you approach the back of a loveseat, and it’s San who sits just barely hidden from sight there. Your arrival brings his attention upwards to you, and you look at each other upside-down. Perhaps it’s the mood in the air, but you allow yourself to indulge a bit here and now, leaning over the back of the sofa to lay a kiss against San’s forehead as he reaches upwards for you. Hands slotting together, he clings to you while you round the loveseat fully and sink down onto the cushion beside him.

“Y/n, Y/n, you have to join in!” Wooyoung laughs as he pulls Mingi around in a circle, eyes not lingering on you for more than a second. Every bit of skin that’s visible on the man is flushed, and the balls of his cheeks are so bright and round that you can’t help but smile just seeing the evident joy on his features. He takes the gesture as an invitation. He’s giggling as he moves Mingi over to the couch where Jongho’s perched before flitting over to you in the blink of an eye. You barely have time to let go of San’s hand before Wooyoung is tugging you up from the loveseat.

“Wait—”

“Indulge me just a little tonight, please?”

Your protest dies in the back of your throat and falls on deaf ears. You wish you had put up more of a fight moments later when Wooyoung starts pulling you into a rather fast-paced and intricate set of footsteps that you can hardly keep up with without trampling his toes every beat or so. Yet — Wooyoung is laughing and happy and throwing his head back so far that the sound of his laughter resonates with the music Jongho and Yeosang are creating. This fragile peace hangs by the thinnest of threads, tied into small knots, and you’re mesmerized by the joy radiating off Wooyoung in waves. It’s not just you either: Yeosang’s eyes follow his lover with every slight shift in muscle, so rapt in his attention yet still not missing a beat as he continues to drum his hands against the box beneath him. Wooyoung spins you out in San’s direction, hand squeezing hard around yours so that you don’t tumble, and in that split second, you make eye contact with your own lover.

It startles you to see the expression on his face. He looks to be in utter awe of what’s unfolding before him, even though you’re certain it’s a mess on your end, yet there’s also a faraway gleam to his gaze that makes you realize he’s not wholly here in this moment with the rest of you. You want to ask what’s on his mind, to know what he’s seeing in his head right now, or what memories are replaying themselves to him if that’s what it is. It’s hardly the time or place for such things, however.

Wooyoung twirls you back into his arms, hands sliding down to secure at your waist. The metal hanging from his neck is a stark contrast to the warmth of his skin and breath as he buries his face into the crook of your shoulder. You aren’t prepared to brace his weight and stumble back over your feet with Wooyoung still clinging tightly to you until you hit the edge of the loveseat. San’s hand juts out to catch you when the two of you tumble to the cushions. Wooyoung is laughing the whole time, hot on your neck, and he sits up on one knee as though nothing happened.

“Change the song!” he requests, returning to his post at the center of the rug. San’s hand drifts towards yours but he only takes hold of your fingers rather than your whole hand as he usually does. You jolt upon looking over at him, solely because there’s another body behind the loveseat and a face pressed between yours and San’s that you were not expecting to see. It’s Yunho who fills the space between your face and your lover’s — mostly recognizable through his side profile and also his blond hair that’s beginning to grow in dark at the roots. He’s clearly fresh out of the shower if his damp hair is any indication of such along with the faint scent of something minty radiating off of him.

“What are we watching?” he asks, bringing his elbows up to rest on the back of the couch.

“Wooyoung is putting on a show for us,” San hums in response, and his fingers curl around your index finger. “You just barely missed Y/n’s ever-so-graceful dance moves too!”

“Oh, stop,” comes your whine as embarrassment washes over you with San’s confirmation that it was indeed a very messy ordeal. Yunho laughs, head pulling up to watch Wooyoung’s new performance. The music shifts, first with Jongho then with Yeosang changing his rhythm to follow along with the Berserker on the box drum. Wooyoung’s eyes flutter shut, and the music takes hold of him like a spell has been cast on his body. There’s a certain delicate nature to his movements now that is far different than how he danced with Mingi and in turn you. The collar around his neck drags up and down against his skin with each twist of his body, yet his happiness persists even with what must be an agonizing discomfort. If not for his upbringing and what you know of his youth, you would imagine he made a living out of this at some point in his life. He has both the grace and the appearance of a dancer, between his lithe figure and his pretty features, and it wouldn’t be impossible to believe that there are many people who would pay a great deal to see him perform. Here you sit, surrounded by crewmates and friends, watching the scene unfold without a credit spent. Luck comes to mind because it does feel something like a blessing to experience this in such a joyful atmosphere. Wooyoung’s voice rises into the mix alongside Jongho’s, though a tad more breathy than the latter’s due to the fluid movements he’s trying to maintain while singing.

“Pardon, but the master asked that I bring freshly brewed tea for our guests. Mushroom tea, a local specialty. Please enjoy your stay here with us.” You and San both take the teacups handed to you on a silver platter by the young woman who has approached the loveseat. Yunho is the only one to refuse it yet gratitude still pours from his lips nonetheless, and the lady bows her head. She moves over to Mingi next, careful not to disturb the rest who are bringing the merry festivities to the room.

The tea is close to scalding but just shy of it so you can sip comfortably from the top while watching Wooyoung’s performance continue to unfold. The words of the song are solemn in comparison to how upbeat the music itself sounds, even down to the smile pulling at Wooyoung’s lips while he sings along. You hardly need to be a genius to figure out the meaning of it — it’s a tried and true farewell song, one saying goodbye to times past and people no longer present, sung with a dissonant joy that makes the tea taste bitter on your tongue.

Yunho inches out of your peripherals, and you angle your head in his direction only to catch him walking towards the stairs without a word. At first, you wonder if the song is what compelled him to leave or perhaps he simply wishes to retire for the night and not disturb everyone on his way out. Content with that reasoning, you redirect your focus once again, only to catch sight of someone else at the other end of the room, tucked away a bit and somewhat hidden from sight. Not enough to be wholly hidden, obviously, but enough so that he will not disturb anything happening in the main area. It’s Hongjoong, of course, because any other member of the crew would have approached without care for being perceived. This is not the first time you have been witness to your captain’s insecurities surrounding his crew; however, seeing the man appear so small in his attempts to hide himself fills you with an odd sense of justified satisfaction. Has he earned a place at this table? Suffered the way these people have for his whims and desires? The answer is clear in your mind — no, he has absolutely not.

The song draws to a close, and you down the rest of your tea before ridding Hongjoong of your attention. San leads with a round of applause, one that both you and Mingi quickly echo. Wooyoung’s attention returns to you before anyone else.

“Jongho knows lots of traditional songs that we know,” he exhales through little gasps for air. “Yeosang and I, I mean. Songs we learned growing up on Aera.” He blows off the fumble of words so easily that you don’t even see a shift in emotion on his features.

“That one was rather sad.”

“It’s a funeral song! Or — a dirge, rather, for people who have departed. Either from life or gone off to new places in the universe, so that’s why the lyrics are so dismal. The song itself and the dance are for celebration though. Celebrating the life and time shared with those departed. I’ve done it a few times before just for fun like this!”

“Never for its true purpose?” you inquire out of sheer curiosity. Wooyoung’s smile turns into a close-lipped one that’s soft around the edges.

“Only once for that purpose.” He lets his words hang long enough for you to feel the weight of them, then he flits over to where Yeosang sits and drapes himself over the man like a blanket. Jongho’s fingers don’t rest on the guitar strings, and he continues to strum out another tune that Yeosang joins in once again, but Wooyoung rests his feet for now. Not his voice, it seems, as he continues singing quietly, words pushed into Yeosang’s shoulder rather than to the entire room.

“The tea made me a bit sleepy, so I think I’m gonna head upstairs,” you say to the man beside you. San nods a few times but refuses to let go of your hand even when you stand up from the loveseat. He comes along with you, in fact, setting his cup down beside yours on the nearby table. The energy of the night is beginning to wear off, and it’s draining fast from your body. San is humming beside you to the song Jongho plays, and you feel him tapping out the melody against your knuckles. You have felt this kind of peace more times than you can count while part of this crew, but it has seemed quite far away for a while now. You squeeze tighter at San’s hand like you’re waiting for the inevitable, like glass is about to shatter and the illusion of peace will become nothing but shards before you. Yet, none of that happens, and you revel in this moment you’re living in while climbing the stairs to the second floor of the hostel.

San pushes the door to your joint room open with one hand, tugging you in alongside him as a giggle tears from your lips. There’s a moment where you fall into his side, hand bracing on his hip when you collide into each other’s space. Then San is drifting away from you and letting your hands return to your sides. He steps over to the dresser with a song still on his lips.

“Hi,” you say to break the lull in conversation.

“Hello, star,” he replies with a fond little smile. You return the gesture as you slowly shut the door.

“Finally alone, hm?”

San’s focus pulls harder toward you. He gives up on his current task of pulling a change of clothes out to stare directly at you.

“Careful, my darling, a man could take such words to mean all sorts of things.”

You dip your chin to your chest and laugh, shaking your head as you push into the room. It’s not that you’re looking for anything in particular — sexual, you mean — and the two of you haven’t fucked around in several days, mostly out of joint avoidance and going straight to bed once you’ve gone about your days separately. You aren’t keen on anything now, either. There’s a knot in your gut that won’t unfurl, coupled with the recollection of what occurred last time. You thought of another man. San called you treasure. There was some degree of an argument which resulted in you asking for sex to feel better, and San, who is one to voice when something is not okay in the bedroom, complied eagerly. Maybe you both made mistakes that night, and all you could do to patch the wounds you left on each other was fuck it out of your systems.

San watches you carefully as you make your way to the bed and sit on the edge of it. He mirrors your movements by sitting on the dresser, hands clasped around the edge of it. The impending conversation must weigh on him too given how his usual teasing jokes don’t persist. Though your peace was far from an illusion and you do not wish to tarnish it, you do know that letting your thoughts fester any longer will cause monumental problems in the long run. As it is, you have already told yourself��this can wait until tomorrow, let’s just enjoy tonight time and time again. If not now, then when because there will always be another excuse you can pull out of your back pocket to explain why it’s not a good time to speak.

“You called me your treasure the other night.”

“I— um, did you… when was this?” San fidgets in his seat, and you see him visibly nervous for the first time in a long time before you. “I’m not trying to play dumb, I just genuinely don’t recall th—”

“Why did you call me that? In that moment, what made you say that?” It isn’t your intention to interrupt him so harshly, but you fear losing your nerve or caving too soon when this conversation needs to happen desperately.

San exhales slowly and blinks at you several times.

“Y/n…?”

“It was when you went down on me while I was crying for fuck’s sake, San! Do you really not remember?”

“I… I do. Well, I remember that night, yes, but — Y/n, I truly don’t remember calling you that.” His mouth hangs slightly agape as he looks at the floor, searching for nothing in particular. “I went down on you because I wanted to make you feel good because you asked me to make you feel good. I wanted it too, I would have said something if I didn’t, and I would never push for something I didn’t think you wanted either. I wanted you to feel good and cherished because you weren’t feeling that way in that moment, I wanted to s-show you physically how much I want you. It wasn’t for any other reason, I promise. I don’t know how I can prove that to you but please say the word and I will do whatever to do so.”

Your jaw snaps shut, and you tighten your hold on yourself by pulling your arms tighter around your body.

“I wouldn’t… would never call you that, Y/n. That’s something that — Hongjoong calls Seonghwa that. I wouldn’t dare call you that too.” He frowns. “I know things are still shaky between us and that you don’t trust much of what I say in relation to him, but please believe that this is me being wholly honest with you. I would not call you such a thing because I do not want you to believe that I view you the way Hongjoong views Seonghwa.” He inhales and looks towards the door as though someone will be there to tell him off for what he wishes to say next. “That would be cruel.”

You go so still that even your breathing halts for a few seconds. San presses his lips into a thin line and swallows around nothing. He appears more determined when he speaks again.

“Implying that I view you as a mere treasure to be had and used would be cruel. In my eyes, you could hang the very stars in the sky if you so wished, you are the stars themselves, and in my next life, I hope to be a galaxy so that I can hold you in my heart for as long as I live. I love you. I truly do. I would not wish for us to ever be like them or have a relationship like theirs and I do not want you to believe that my love is conditional on your being useful to me because it's not.”

It speaks volumes to both his character and how he views his captain. And yet, it also shows you how deeply roots the seeds Hongjoong has planted are, and you fear for your sanity for creating such a thing out of thin air like that. Silence hangs. San is smart. You’re more than well aware of that. He’s perceptive and intelligent in many ways, which means that if what he’s saying is what he perceives to be truth then he can put two and two together. You thought he called you his treasure, Hongjoong calls Seonghwa that, you were thinking of Hongjoong while having sex with San.

"Is that true?" Your voice comes out meek. Shame creeps in alongside embarrassment and humiliation because in retrospect (and when you look past your muddled feelings of anger and confusion) San’s explanation does truly make more sense. Why would he call you that? He has not been cruel to you when it comes to Hongjoong. Even if he were toying with you, he has not been heartless.

"I swear on my life, Y/n. If that's not enough then I will gladly set myself before Minho or Yunho or Mingi and have any of them interrogate me in front of you. They’ll know whether I’m lying or not without fault." San steps away from the dresser, yet your gaze is still firmly set on the ground when he comes to sit beside you. A laugh escapes from your lips as the mattress dips next to you.

“Is this what Seonghwa feels like? Going fucking insane and it’s all because of that… that man.” You don’t need to look San in the face to know what expression he wears, because he reaches for one of your hands and takes it between both of his. “Before I went to see Hongjoong that night, I had fought with Seonghwa. About a lot of things but it’s all left me with a lot to think about. Much of what he said hurt me deeply, especially hearing him tell me that I was a substitute for someone else in his mind.” The admission that you did the same lies on the tip of your tongue, and it’s already partly out in the open, but there’s not enough bravery in you to tell San that now, or that you thought of Hongjoong more recently either. “He also told me there are many ways in which Hongjoong has been orchestrating my destruction from the very start. Going from that fight to an argument with Hongjoong too was very damaging to my confidence and my psyche say the least.”

“What happened with Hongjoong?” San inquires, still careful in how he broaches the subject. “I was told that you were forced in line, but is that true?”

“He made me kneel. Or rather he ordered Mingi to make me kneel, and he did. I did.” Pressure hits your shoulder, the full weight of San’s head as he pushes his cheek to your arm and leans into you. “Seonghwa is suffering some sort of mental breakdown of an insane degree and has no one to help him out of the grave he and Hongjoong both have dug beneath his feet.”

“I’ve been trying to help,” San interjects quietly, though it’s staggered by wetness in his tone that’s hard to ignore, “to no avail whatsoever.”

The thought of running away from it all crops up in your mind again. To take San and Wooyoung and Yunho and Seonghwa and everyone — taking them all away and running without looking back. Yet, if you were to do that, everything would so quickly fall apart that the ends would not be worth what it took to bring you there. Hongjoong is many terrible, awful things, but in the very least he contains in him the inherent ability to unite people under his command. You couldn’t do such a thing, nor could you in good conscience be harsh when the time came. What’s running rampant through your mind correlates with real life, and you squeeze San’s hand over yours harder.

“Hongjoong purposefully isn’t letting Seonghwa on this mission because he’s worried too. That’s why Yunho is going instead. Seonghwa is hardly happy about it but he needs the break.” San exhales a quivering sigh. “He needs a break from his duties as lieutenant, at least for now, and Hongjoong is trying to let him have that. There are things only he can do of course — like the dealings with the cargo and having that all settled but those are easier in comparison. Seonghwa doesn’t usually let anything slip when things are awry in his head, he keeps his mask up, and he tries his best to put on a front for the crew. Though it’s never been explicitly stated before the whole crew, everyone pretty much knows that he is not an Elitist. We just… know our boundaries and respect that we should not expect to be told. I was told, as the captain’s left hand. I respect secrets, and I respect privacy. Anything told to me in confidence will be taken to my grave unless I am told it is information safe to be shared. I do not hide things out of malicious intent. That being said, I will do my best to be more open and honest with you moving forward. Would you please do the same in return?”

“I am honest with you already,” you cut in almost in an instant. San’s hand flexes around yours. “But I will… I’ll continue to do so.”

His frown is felt against your shoulder.

“If that were true then you would not be revealing truths to me now.”

“I’m sorry.” The tension that rises in your muscles forces his head off your arm. “I’m really sorry.”

“I’m not chastising you, beloved, breathe.” You’re already turning to look at his face when he reaches up with a hand to cup your cheek. “I love you. So deeply and so dearly.”

“I love you too.”

“Let’s do this without having sex. Right now, let’s just talk… without it turning into sex.” You nod against his hand. San is gnawing hard at his lower lip, and it’s already swollen from what must be continued abuse in an attempt to keep tears at bay considering how red the corners of his eyes are. “Do you wanna go out on the balcony?”

Your hands do not separate when he stands, and you stay as close to him as possible when following him to the door like he’s the one thing keeping you tethered to reality at the moment.

Outside, night has fallen, but the small balcony before you sits covered and enclosed by panes of glass. Below you can see the courtyard where you and Minho were earlier, exposed to the night air and the toxins it brings, but up here it’s like another world. The torches continue to bloom with their purple flames along the buildings, fluorescent green lights accent places where the streets are too dark to be lit by flame alone, and silver chimes glint every so often when the wind nudges them in the right direction.

“The town looks pretty at night,” you note as San leads you to a seat near the glass.

“Quite beautiful indeed.” He squeezes your hand one last time before pulling away at last and sitting down in the chair beside yours. When you glance his way, you find him picking at the skin under his nails and watching the skin peel back to reveal something raw and tender beneath. “I am going to tell you some truths that are hard for me to admit, let alone process still. Despite thinking about it and practicing what I want to say in my head time and time again, I may struggle with how to say things. After you went to the bathroom to wash up that night with Seonghwa, he told me that Hongjoong was the sole person on his mind. That hurt me to hear, so I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to pass that pain onto you as well. I overheard a bit of the commotion in the kitchen when the two of you fought, and Seonghwa had told me that he would be honest with you eventually. I wouldn’t need to be a genius to figure out that it wouldn’t go over well. Foolishly, I had thought that I could be someone to help mend the hurt both of you were feeling — your hurt from how things between you and Seonghwa ended, and Seonghwa’s hurt from once again being tossed away by his love. Seonghwa’s eagerness made me believe that it was more okay than it turned out to be, or perhaps he went into it from the start with one thing — or person, rather — on his mind.”

You remain quiet in the face of San’s admissions, even when he takes a moment to breathe and stare out at the city. His hands still in his lap and finally let his fingers have a break from the harm he was doing to them just seconds ago. He grips the armrests of his chair hard and uses his momentum to turn it more toward you. You’re faced with his rapt attention now, as his elbows come to rest on his knees and he clasps his hands between them.

“It’s true that I once had a physical relationship with Hongjoong and Seonghwa. Never just one of them alone; I was always asked to be the third for when they desired it, and I was more than happy to be that for them. We’ve discussed my views on relationships and romantic versus sexual partnerships before, and I’ve had those beliefs for a long time. However, I haven’t fully learned that it’s not so easy for everyone to fall into those roles and that the act of being a third is not always cut and dry. It’s suited for some people like myself, and not for others, which is understandable and completely fine. I thought as well that the two of you having experience with each other sexually would provide comfort and ease. What I did not do was take into consideration the hurt left between you or how sensitive the situation was for everyone involved. I take full responsibility for that night, regardless of who was thinking about what during, and I am so deeply apologetic for being the one to facilitate that. I wanted to speak and apologize to you first, but I do want to offer the same apology to Seonghwa as well.” He waits then with teeth sunk into his lower lip so hard that it disappears from the pressure. It’s your time to speak, to offer an explanation or an acknowledgment of all that he’s poured out to you, but your mind is so full of a clusterfuck of thoughts that all that comes out in the end is —

“I feel like a whore.”

It stuns the both of you in the same way, and San’s expression freezes as he simply stares at you unsure of what to say to that. The shock is almost comical if not for the severity of your conversation at present.

“Would you please tell me why you feel that way?” he asks once the initial shock of your comment passes.

“I was not very present that night. I didn’t feel like I was in my right mind, but know that I did not feel pressure to do anything out of my comfort zone. I was the one who misread my own signals and sought something in physical comfort to ease my thoughts. Seonghwa was clearly not wholly there either, as we know, and the two of us took it out on each other. Since then, I’ve been feeling the way I did that night during sex and it’s driving me mad. I don’t wish to have those thoughts or constantly be reminded of that night but it comes on of its own volition.”

“Okay then full stop, we slow down. Sex isn’t a must.”

“Well, it’s difficult because we depend so heavily on being physical to show affection for one another.”

“That just means we can find new ways to share our affection,” San says through a smile, “and we can still cuddle and hug and kiss even. Being physical and offering comfort is not inherently sexual. I have to learn that too. I’m such a physical person in every way. I adore giving in every way I can physically to show my feelings, but that clouds and muddies things a lot. A healthy relationship with sex doesn’t mean always having sex though. There are other ways we can do things together or other ways to connect and be with each other intimately. But—” he leans back and squares his shoulders, still smiling ever so softly at you “—while I’m thinking clearly, I’m going to say that I know continuing to have sex while you are struggling with your thoughts during it and we’re both in need of healing our relationship towards it is not the best thing to do. I’m not at all willing to ask it of you until you definitively tell me otherwise.”

“I love you so much,” you murmur, and San’s nose scrunches at the sudden confession. He blows a kiss your way as he leans back in his chair once more, settling into it more comfortably now that his thoughts are out in the open.

“You know, I’ve been reading some of the books you keep on your shelves lately. The Siren ones, I mean. Since you told me of your identity, I’ve been curious to learn more about what it means to be one. I didn’t know you were so cool.” Your laughs echo in the enclosed area of the balcony, mixing together.

“Sorry, but I can’t show off or anything. I don’t know how to do much at all.”

San reaches an arm over to your chair and you seek his hand with your own like it's second nature to do so.

“Even the little things about you impress me. You don’t need to do much.” His thumb rubs methodical little lines against the base of your index finger. “The music and the dancing were lovely, weren’t they?”

“It was all very nice. Lively too, and happy.”

“I’ve always loved performances like that,” San says with a smile tugging the corners of his mouth up. “When I was younger, growing up with the Taskmaster and Father — my captain at the time, I mean — I got to have one tablet. At the orphanage, I wasn’t allowed any personal belongings, and though I spent most of my time confined to one small cell, it still had a few things here and there to make the space mine. Besides the collar on my neck and chain keeping me to the wall, of course.” The crude attempt at a joke doesn’t make you laugh as much as it makes you terribly sad. The times when San openly discusses the grim details of his youth are few and far between. The more you learn of how he was forced to grow up, the more your heart aches inside your check, and the desire to close yourself around the icy stake in his chest spikes exponentially. “It had all sorts of training videos on it to help me learn to be more effective in my role on the crew. Part of the combat training videos were dances, meant to teach how to move in a way that could conserve the body’s energy. Since my abilities are so dependent on stamina, that sort of training was beyond crucial. But instead of using them for that purpose, I used to hide under the covers on my bed and watch those dances in secret though, just for fun rather than learning. And I got caught once by my father.”

“Did he punish you for it?”

“Rather than punishing me, he instead took me to a performance. Taskmaster Cara disagreed with the choice vehemently but Father didn’t pay her any mind. He simply wanted to bring me to the show. It was a night circus, traveled across the stars with the act, but we ended up seeing the show on Kebos of all places. It was a different city from where Mingi and Yunho grew up, so the coincidences stop there, though that would have been pretty special if it had been. Um… if I remember right, it was winter and snowing at the time, which was a first for me too. In the tent they had set up for the circus, there was this enormous rink of ice. Father got us seats right up by the railings and—” San cuts himself off with a laugh as he pushes his free hand out in front of him like he’s reliving the memory “—two automatons were dancing on the ice with wheels in place of feet to help them move. I remember it was the most fascinating and beautiful thing I had seen in my life. That memory — it was my happiest as a child. So seeing Wooyoung dance… it always reminds me of that experience and that feeling I had then. But seeing the two of you dance together tonight made me especially sentimental. Even though it wasn’t the same… I felt like I was seeing it all over again. Thank you for taking me back to that place.”

You squeeze your fingers around San’s.

“I hope we can share a lot more of those kinds of memories too.”

San’s response comes in a rounded smile, then he settles back in his chair with his eyes shut and a hum in his throat. Though you don’t recognize the tune, you can only imagine it’s that song from the dance he witnessed all those years ago. In the descending night, you think that maybe the two of you will be okay after all.

────────────

The blissful peace that hangs in the air remains undisturbed until you and San are getting ready for bed. It’s then that a knock comes at your door, and with San in the bathroom washing his face, you take it upon yourself to be the one to answer it. You could have thrown at several guesses as to who would be waiting on the other side, and even the idea that it might be someone who works at the hostel would have come to mind before the man who is actually waiting there.

“Mingi…” you exhale in partial shock.

“Would you please come on a walk with me, Ghost?” His gas mask hangs loose around his neck, and he reaches up to point at it when your gaze flits downwards. “Bring yours if you’d like to come along.”

“Why not here?”

“There are too many eyes and ears here. The walls are thin. I would rather not talk about this in front of San. I do not want it to go back to the wr—to other people.” Every bit of his reasoning comes across as very matter-of-fact, but it all makes sense and you can’t argue with it.

“Okay,” you say through a nod, “okay, hold on.”

Mingi remains at the door as you move back to the bathroom, leaning through the doorframe to catch San’s attention while he’s brushing his teeth.

“I’m going out for a little bit with Mingi.”

San hums before leaning over the sink and spitting what’s left in his mouth out. “Be safe and bring your mask. Don’t worry about waking me when you get back if I’m asleep, just come in comfortably. I’ll try to stay up until you return though.”

“You don’t have to do that.” The way he’s smiling at you implies that he won’t listen to your words. “Sleep well, I love you.”

“I love you too. Dearly. Let me know if there are any pretty sights out there at night!”

You retrieve your mask from the top of the dresser on your way back to where Mingi is patiently waiting.

“I apologize for bringing you out so late,” the Berserker says once you shut your bedroom door behind you.

“No, it’s alright. You’ll be awfully busy with the cargo tomorrow as well, so this is fine. Besides, part of me is curious about what’s so special about nighttime here.” Mingi doesn’t laugh when you do, but he does plaster on something semi-adjacent to a smile. The two of you both secure your masks around your faces before even reaching the bottom of the stairs, although you have to fiddle with the straps a lot more than he does to make it sit comfortably over your nose. Mingi presses the door open with one hand, and you brace yourself for something dramatic or violent to happen yet that never comes. Air filters in and out of your gas mask, not even leaving a scent to pass through.

“Please, follow me. I found a spot while I was making cargo trips today that looked quite nice. I think it’ll be a good spot to talk.” He walks slow enough for you to keep up without a struggle, even if you are somewhat distracted by examining every inch of your surroundings as you go. It’s fascinating to a certain extent because, despite all the warnings and concerns about nighttime, you still find an inordinate amount of people milling about the cobbled streets freely. No masks in sight on many, and some have them on their being but only hung about their necks like the masks are nothing but a statement piece and nothing functional to be used. The sight makes your skin itch and burn, a certain level of discomfort washing over you as you urge yourself to keep pace with Mingi. The chime hanging down from your right ear jingles with every step you take, and it sounds so awfully loud against the thick material of the mask.

The Berserker brings you over to the edge of the gorge, somewhere along the very place you initially arrived at, where there is nothing but braided rope stretched taut between lampposts to keep people from tumbling to an unsightly doom. Those same lampposts bear purple flames just as the others you saw in the city, but to see them against the night skin makes their glow seem all the more ominous. Down below lies that foggy ravine, although you can’t bear to look at it for long.

Mingi pauses by the ropes and grips the topmost one with both hands. You join in alongside him, squeezing the material tight as you look over across the gorge. In the night, you can just hardly make out the outline of The Horizon in the distance, yet it looks so terribly foreign and desolate with it’s lights fully shut off.

“May I ask you something about Sirens?”

“Oh! Yes, absolutely, though I may not be ab—”

“Is Jongho a Siren?”

“—what?” You blink at your companion several times before his words sink in. “What?!”

“Is Jongho a Siren?” he repeats like nothing he said was out of the ordinary in the slightest.

“He’s — he’s a Berserker. He’s got the red eyes, and the strength of at least twenty men combined, and he can do things the rest of us can’t.”

“Yes, but he can influence emotions, no?” Mingi lets one hand fall to his side in favor of turning more toward you.

“Well, yes.”

“Can you? As a Siren?”

“Not like that, I can only—” you’re forced to bite your words back when the risk of exposing the others presents itself. Mingi will know if you’re lying, he’ll feel the increase in your heart rate surely like a shark smelling blood in the water. You must do your best to choose your next words so carefully that he won’t even suspect there are others amongst the crew. “Sirens can only sense other Sirens’ emotions. I cannot feel what you are feeling at this moment. The best I can do for anyone who is not a Siren is sympathize or empathize with them from person to person, but I cannot genuinely and truly know what they’re feeling. Nor can I feel those feelings myself. What Jongho does is different. He feels everyone’s emotions as though theirs are his own, like you do I’m sure, but he’s no Siren.”

“He draws emotions out of others like a siphon and takes them onto himself. Sirens are not capable of anything like that?”

Again you bite your tongue. What Mingi knows of Sirens must be very cut and dry — anything that could be drawn out of a book or fed to him through people such as Hongjoong or Yunho. If Seonghwa spoke to him, there’s no way of knowing what extent of the truth the man shared with Mingi. For the best, you would be wise not to mention the existence of Sirens such as Wooyoung and yourself.

“No, they are not.” You look down at where your hands cling to the rope barrier, finding your knuckles white with the effort of gripping it. “The most I can do is try to soothe another Siren by projecting my feelings towards them like some sort of projection, but that does nothing to force any certain emotion onto them. They will still feel the same as they did but simply be made aware of what I am feeling too. And that ability does not work on people who aren’t Sirens.” Except for the fact that I have forced thoughts into Hongjoong’s head somehow.

Mingi redirects his gaze to the gorge.

“Part of me desired a different answer honestly.”

“I… don’t understand?”

“I wished to hear that Jongho’s abilities were that of some strange cross between a Siren and a Berserker that muddled the genetic pool of his abilities. For years, he has been the one to assist me in coming down from episodes. While Captain and Healer have made attempts to do so themselves, they consistently require Jongho’s help. He is always the one called to do so. I know for certain that there are times when I feel myself fighting back urges, when I am strong enough to win back control from the voices without Jongho using his little ability… I still cannot help but doubt how much of it comes from my own efforts and how much is his influence with that trick.” The Berserker’s voice remains void of any clue as to what he’s feeling, but the stare he casts over the gorge seems so forlorn that it makes your chest ache. “I know why he does it, but I also know why he does it without telling those he’s taking from most times. Because he knows they would not approve and that, in his mind, there is something morally grey about it.” It draws a sigh out of Mingi’s lips, and he turns around, leaning against the railing with his elbows propped up on the rope. “Do you not find it selfish?”

“I understand Jongho is trying to help so it’s hard to say that there is something inherently bad in what he’s doing,” you say as quietly as you can manage while still being audible. “I caught him doing it to me one time, and that enraged me beyond belief because it was against my will. I was robbed of the choice to feel my emotions. Is that selfish?”

“Yes.” You expected as much. “Doing something that robs another of a choice is always selfish and self-serving, even if there is good to be had in doing it. I do not wish to think of him as selfish because I’m aware that he has very particular reasons for doing what he does — as an act of self-preservation and to try to even out the moral scales that he believes are tipped against him.”

“What would truly be different if he were a Siren?”

“Ah. Well then, I could at least assume that Captain was the one pulling the strings behind Jongho in an attempt to keep me on my leash. Not that that would be needed for me in particular. My loyalty has never wavered regardless of what Captain has done in the past, but then again, he has never tried to do anything to me directly.” Mingi’s gaze slips down to you, torn from the scene ahead of him that consists of watching natives move above the streets. “Sorry.” The single word is flat and void of any semblance of emotion.

“Why’re you saying that?”

“Because that’s what people do when they desire to console others.”

“Do you feel that I need to be consoled?” His words hadn’t made you feel any type of way — positive or negative — so it’s a wonder why Mingi would think you need to be comforted by an apology right now. The Berserker tilts his chin back, and it forces his gaze to the night sky overhead.

“No,” he starts, “you feel oddly neutral tonight with me.” Though you cannot see a smile thanks to his gas mask, you are the recipient of a rare laugh from the man. You have no clue what caused him to laugh, but it’s nice to hear the sound nonetheless.

“You don’t need to say sorry. I understand why my loyalty needs to be twisted into place in Hongjoong’s eyes.”

“You killed a king before, didn’t you?”

“…Yes.”

“Why?”

The question stumps you not because you cannot think of a reason but rather because many immediate answers fight to be at the forefront of your mind.

“He was a bad person.”

“Yet you view Captain as such too.” Mingi once again redirects focus to you. this time you make direct eye contact with the man, and the deadpan expression across his face combined with his next words makes your gut twist with anxiety. “Were you to try to kill him then I would kill you.”

“He would kill me himself long before I got the chance to even dream up the thought of doing such a thing.” Mingi does not appear wholly convinced. “Oddly enough, I do not want him dead so I suppose we’re all safe.”

Mingi clenches and unclenches his fists, easing his elbows further back on the railing. You can see the ship in the distance still, far across the gorge and still settled on the landing pad. It looks strangely lifeless in this light, with the knowledge that no one is aboard, yet you think that it is a long overdue rest for all her hard work and flights of late.

“Do you view yourself as a good person, Y/n?” Mingi angles his body towards you as he poses the question. Rather than giving you an opening to respond, he continues on speaking, “In the books I read, good and evil exist, and good always tries to end the evil. So do you view yourself as the good trying to kill the evil in this universe?”

“No.” You clear your throat before beginning again with more confidence in your tone. “No, I do not. What’s bad in my eyes very well may be good in others. There were many who were happy with the king, who thought him good, and he did do good at times. He was not all bad, but I perceived him as such for a short time. All it takes is that short time to want to do something bad to someone you think deserves it.”

“I fail to understand it that way,” your companion retorts. “My father told me before every match in the arena that the opponent was nobody of worth or value in the universe. They were neither good nor evil by his standards. Just a life that did not need to be lived, and it was my job to make way for other lives in place of theirs.”

“Then your father was trying to teach you that you were doing something good?”

“To an extent, sure, but I never understood it that way because I never had an understanding of emotion or good versus evil back then. And maybe good and evil don’t exist at all, maybe it’s all perception that’s in the eye of the beholder.” He angles his head further down but looks off over your shoulder with a sort of faraway gleam in his dark red eyes. “Perhaps at the end of the day… all we do are things that are based on a perception that we try to convince ourselves is a universal truth.” He sees something behind you, yet there is nothing but air and a freefall there. A ghost, perhaps, that has come to haunt him for merely breathing the faintest mention of his father.

All of a sudden, he shoves away from the railing and steps off like he’s going to head back the way you came.

“We should head back now before it gets too late.”

“You go on ahead, I want to stay out a bit longer.” In the blink of an eye, Mingi is back at your side, head drawn so close to your ear that his mask bumps against yours.

“It would be best to leave now and save the sightseeing for later.” His hushed tone urges you to glance back at your surroundings, and what reads as concern to you is fortified by the lingering stares sent your way by those on the streets.

“I understand.” Yet still when Mingi tries to leave again, you remain rooted to the spot. Something else crosses your mind suddenly, something San had said to you in regard to his honesty. “Mingi. Have you ever seen San be cruel?”

Silence.

The Berserker turns his body until it’s perpendicular to yours and finds you still lingering at the railing.

“What does it look like?” you continue upon deciphering his silence as affirmation.

“…Like nothing you have ever seen.” He extends a hand towards you. “Come.”

How would you know that, how could you know such things, when doors are shut and I’m in his arms? Who could possibly know?

Your heart soars with his words nonetheless. Despite it all, here Mingi stands still trying to reassure you.

Your gaze lingers on the foggy waters below, with their odd glow and minty green hue. Something rattles you, another thing beckons you.

“There’s something down there,” you utter once you release your grip on the railing and take Mingi’s hand.

“I know,” he says quietly, “I hear it too.”

Mingi delivers you to your door safely and in one piece. He bids you goodnight with a small bow of his head but not a single comment concerning all that the two of you discussed on your excursion outside. Just as you’re turning the door handle to go inside, he pauses in the hallway and thanks you for your time. The conversation plays on repeat in your mind as you change into nightclothes and wash your face. When you join San in bed at long last, he has already fallen asleep with a book folding over his bare chest. It seems he really did try to stay awake waiting for you to return. You turn the light beside the bed off. Your mind is still far too busy to let you shut your eyes right away, so you spend some time facing San and staring at his profile through the darkness.

Mingi had seemed so sure of what he said. You rest a hand on San’s cheek and turn his face towards you just to see his features better. He barely shifts at the touch.

“Even if something small, even if the words and prayers of a nonbeliever are not enough to be a suitable blessing, it at least has my heart behind it. I wish for your safety every night and your happiness every morning anyway, so what’s the harm in hoping this will do the same?”

The trinkets on your ears feel so heavy under the weight of that blessing.

“Missed you,” San mumbles suddenly, clearly less asleep than you initially thought. He adjusts to drape an arm around your body and brings your head up to lay flat against his chest. No more words are exchanged as he goes right back to sleep, but you lay there with your ear atop his heart listening to the steady and rhythmic thumping like it’s a lullaby to put you to bed.

Good people can do bad things just as bad ones can do good. Those are the words you wished you had shared with Mingi earlier. But in his perspective, that is entirely incorrect.

Maybe people are simply that — people. Good and bad are things normal, regular, plain people do, but not definitive of what they are at the end of the day. It’s a rather beautiful outlook on the universe, you must admit.

──────────── a/n: yoohoo big summer (delayed delayed delayed) blowout! moc style! aheem aheem. i apologize every chapter for delayed updates so im certain lots of yall are like yeah yeah caly okay... okay... but! here we are. i wrestled a lot with many parts of this chapter and was super unhappy when i finished (beyond just being relieved it was over) but after my besties read it and gave me feedback i feel so much better about it and my writing so i am very happy with this <3

so! from this chapter on (i will be mentioning this again in the next chapter and the subsequent ones) i ask that you very much pay attention to details... this act is a dicey one and there will be much interchanging between things that are real and things that are not. there are cues to clue you in on when it is real versus when it's not!! of course i will happily help show those clues where i can bc i don't want anyone to be in the dark or clueless but do not that i do not want the writing to suffer bec im attempting to overexplain it in the text! that being said i hope this chapter was well worth the wait and thank you always for being patient and kind with me 🙇‍♀️

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.

#ateez x reader #ateez smut #ateez fluff #ateez angst #ateez series #hongjoong x reader #seonghwa x reader #yunho x reader #yeosang x reader #wooyoung x reader #san x reader #mingi x reader #jongho x reader #ateez fanfic #mists of celeste #caly.writes

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