#celebrate her birthday by being a gremlin whatever that means to you

[i-lavabean]

Happy Birthday to Aloy

[kedsandtubesocks]

Happy ‘bakugou birthday party’ day to all of us celebrating 💥♡ Katsuki Bakugou you absolute gremlin thanks for taking over my life lmaooo mainly this is my thank you gift to the shining stars in my life @the-wild-wolves-around-you @ofmermaidstories @willowser for letting me ramble on and on about this ridiculously obscure but near and dear to my heart mandalorian AU

(oh mandalorian bakugou how I love to hurt you)

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚‧͙⁺˚*･༓☽ ☾ ༓･*˚⁺‧͙ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

“When did you realize you were in love with the Jedi?” Yui Kodai is a quiet woman.

Kirishima had joked on the day the arranged marriage was announced she would be the perfect opposite to mellow him out. Instead Bakugou found he couldn't warn up to her icy tempered distance. Hell, he even forgot Kodai was in the training class opposite to his when they were kids. Damn Kirishima had to remind him.

Now in her sleek almost pristine bright crimson and white mandalorian armor, Kodai is the prime example of a mandalorian’s dream. But she’s not his.

Bakugou is the quiet one now and doesn’t respond to her. The truth, the answer, to Kodai’s questions feels so heavy even after everything that’s happened these past few days.

“You can’t deny it.” Kodai presses firmer and he knows she is right.

After all, Bakugou had ran off in front of her to you.

“I’m being relocated back to Coruscant.” You had told him two days before. “I…so I originally wasn’t suppose to be here. I had switched my first assignment location with a friend of mine and apparently the council found out. Guess it finally caught up to me.” You weakly laughed but it did nothing to lighten the awful thickness suffocating the air.

“I’m sure you’re excited that I won’t be bothering you anymore.” Even with the heavy revelation, you still had continued to tease but it was hollow as hell.

He had so many questions, wanted to say so much, needed to.

“.…yeah whatever.” But that was the only thing, the last thing, he said to you. Nothing else.

You returned to Coruscant without another word or even goodbye to him.

So Bakugou accepted that was the end. Your return back was the final sign for him to extinguish the fire roaring inside for you.

Then the damn Jedi temple gets attacked.

Bakugou, as a decorated war hero, as a mandalorian warrior, is a man forged and consecrated in victory. He scoffs at fear because he has faced it numerous times in bloodstained beskar and won. But when the data pad projected a fiery chaos erupting at the temple, pure terror consumed him. Bakugou simply moved like a man possessed. He even snarled to fight any of his comrades who dared stand in his way. He could not lose you.

So Bakuguo flew to you with no hesitation. And Yui Kodai, his intended, simply watched in silent judgment.

Now in the stillness of his home Bakugou feels the weight of this reality settling between them. He still hasn’t even answer Kodai’s question and he knows he needs to. She deserves the truth.

“Guess I can’t pin point when.” Bakugou finally admits, can’t even fully turn his helmet towards her. “Felt like maybe it was always just there. Just took me too long to catch up.”

He tried ignoring the aggravating frustration he felt towards you. He bared his teeth at it and tried to fight with his whole might. But that aggravation was simply tender adoration, a blooming love. It has always been there. You have always been there and will always be there. You are now apart of him, just as integral as his beskar armor. You might even be the strongest piece of him.

“I can’t go through with this, with us.” Bakugou tells Kodai. “I’m sorry, about all of it.”

He would take any penalties or punishments his people deem fit. He would accept ‘em with honor because for you, he’d do it all. He’d hold the weight of his love for you and bare it without waver. This whole situation is still shit though. It’s why he does mean his apology. Kodai is a good warrior, doesn’t deserve any disgrace.

She remains quiet and Bakugou fucking fidgets uncomfortable as hell under her damn composed silent stare.

“Well?” He snaps anxious at her lack of anger. “You gonna fucking yell at me? Call me a damn bastard or some other awful shit? Cause you can.”

Kodai again takes a moment and allows no words to fill his home.

“I am not going to yell at you or call you any names.” Her collected voice is chilling as it snaps his spine straight.

“We both went into this arrangement for the benefit of the other clans. I held no true affection for you and I figured you held none for me either.” Her dull direct tone slices through him sharp.

“I know many will disapprove of this. But I am not upset. I’ll hold no bitterness towards you or your Jedi. I am and always will be Mandalorian. That is all that matters.”

This is the most he’s ever heard her talk. Shit she didn’t even say this much when they got engaged. And for the first time he finally catches it - her true emotion, her quiet dignified conviction evident in her voice.

Bakugou can only nod but the underlying truth is there. She just told him ‘I was strong before you and I will be strong after you.’

Kodai moves to leave before he can even respond. Bakugou rises to see her out until Kodai’s sleek helmet whips back at him. He freezes. Won’t admit it but he is spooked when her helmet turns towards him.

“Be well Bakugou.” She bids him a simple, even kind, farewell. The door slides open and Kodai leaves with her words lingering behind her.

Bakugou sighs exhausted and thinks it rattles his bones. “Fucking hell.”

Yeah he still has so much to deal with, especially with the elders and other clans. But this with Kodai? He’s grateful it’s officially done. He’s also grateful to her. Kodai handled the situation way better than he would have and it’s why she earned his respect tenfold. Because if he saw you running off to someone else-

A wave of jealousy, so sticky and bitter, leaks into his heart at just the damn thought of a hypothetical rival and Bakugou wants to slam his bare face into a wall. This is what you have done to him - shaved him down to a lovesick man who would rip open a planet’s core for you.

With a final sigh, Bakugou heads to his bedroom. Quietly he slides past the door’s cover.

There in the comfort of his bed you continue to sleep soundly.

The medical bacta patches on your arm and shoulder are thankfully healing swiftly. Your face however still hasn’t regained its full bright energy back. He knew the medication would keep you asleep for a few days and as long as it takes, he will wait. He would wait decades for you because he already has been. But stars, he just wants you to open your eyes.

In the soft carved out space of his room, Bakugou slips off his helmet. He removes it off so easy and without reservation. It surprises him how certain he feels without it on.

The lanterns built in his room’s walls cast a gentle amber glow. As he finally stares at you without his helmet, a damn new star, a new galaxy, is born bursting right in his chest. You’re beautiful, so damn amazing, and he can’t believe he almost lost you.

Bakugou ran screaming your name into the chaos of the temple. He searched and searched without waver until he was victorious. Until there you were, lightsaber in hand landing a final swing to a trooper. Your shoulder was soaked in blood. When your face flipped towards him, your eyes wide and alive, air filled his lungs.

He doesn’t know who ran first. All that mattered was the beautiful collision of you and him meeting in the middle. His hands and your hands clutched and grasped desperate to solidify the other was real.

“What are you doing here?!” Your voice cracked as you yelled exhausted and on the edge of tears.

He couldn’t speak, couldn’t think. In the heat of battle, with destruction swirling, all Bakugou could do was clutch your face in his hands. You, his fierce fighter, his ridiculous shitty Jedi, were alive.

“Had to make sure you were safe.” He told you so surprisingly low in the middle of the destruction. He hoped you maybe had not hear him or the terror in him that was barely settling down now.

“You shouldn’t be here!” You instead screamed at him with more desperation and fear.

“No way! ‘m not fucking leaving!” Bakugou barked back loud. “I’m staying right here! By your side!”

His voice snapped convicted and your face fell.

Before you could yell anything back at him, Bakugou rapidly pressed his helmet covered forehead against yours.

It only took you a moment to realize what he had done. Because just as fast your hand flew to the side of his helmet. Then the pressure, the weight, of your forehead pressed back firmly against his.

A sacred kiss shared between his kind was shared between you and him right in the halls of the Jedi temple under siege.

If this was his way to a warrior’s death, then he would gladly greet it by your side protecting you ‘till the end.

Now with soft steps Bakugou leaves the memory and arrives to the side of his bed. He starts to lean his forehead down towards yours. But, he stops, swallowing back something thick. He wants to. Shit, he’s done this before with his helmet on.

But once his eyes flicker to your sleeping face, your voice suddenly chimes into his mind.

“Not yet…just be a bit more patient okay? Wait for me.”

You speak so clearly, as if you had suddenly opened your eyes, woke up, and started talking. He hears your smile, even clearly pictures the way it warmly crinkles your eyes.

Bakugou fully doesn’t believe in the force, definitely doesn’t believe in any other mystical type shit. He just believes in you.

So Bakugou slips his helmet back on. Without hesitation he presses his forehead delicate and light against the top of your head. His eyes squeeze close tight as the tears string.

For a split moment, he thinks about Kodai. He knows that even if he had gotten to know her, maybe even witnessed more of the fierce composed dignity he saw earlier, she would never be you.

You are the only one he wants to speak the sacred vows with.

That’s why he knows. Bakugou knows it will be worth it when he fully gets to experience you and you freely see him.

The next time he removes his helmet Bakugou knows it will be at the wedding ceremony when he ties his existence to yours.

“Yeah alright I’ll wait, you hear me? I’ll wait as long as you need. Just… just please, wake up soon my damn shitty Jedi.” Bakugou whispers and it is the closest thing to a prayer he will ever say.

[direct0rhutao]

genshin thoughts?? i am curious about whatever hcs or fav canon facts or Unpopular Takes you have etc etc. i trust your opinion 👍

hi hi kit okay first of all tysm im flattered that u r interested in my thoughts that means a lot to me :)

there’s a lot of little details and bits of genshin lore that i love but if i had to choose one it would be that hu tao’s birthday is the same as mine :3 KIDDING one of my favorite random genshin facts is how zhongli once invited xinyan, a rock musician well known for her intense and (literally) fiery concerts, to play some music for the wangsheng funeral parlor

(this is from xinyan’s voicelines btw. do you think zhongli likes rock music because he’s the lord of rocks)

and as for the headcanons!! i can come up with sooo many behold an assortment of genshin thoughts (most of which involve hu tao and xinyan because they are very special to me) (im putting them under a readmore because i got carried away sorry)

• one of my favorite sort-of fanon dynamics is zhongli and his adopted kids ganyu (eldest daughter least likely to get in trouble with the millelith) xiao (middle child whos been an angsty teenager for the last 2000 years) and hu tao (baby of the family with the strongest Gremlin Energy)

• xiao hates zhongli’s new boyfriend childe for Many Reasons such as: he’s spent months in liyue and still can’t use chopsticks, every time he sees xiao he ruffles his hair and calls him “little man”, one time he unleashed an evil god and almost destroyed liyue harbor

• zhongli’s other two children are a little less hostile towards childe. ganyu doesn’t fully trust him because of That One Time He Almost Destroyed Liyue Harbor but he makes zhongli really happy so he’s okay for now …and hu tao thinks he’s kind of a dumbass but his job requires him to kill a lot of people so he’s good for business

• hu tao made childe a customer loyalty card (“10% Off Your 10th Cremation Service!”) however despite childe thinking it was funny, zhongli wouldn’t let her make more copies to give out to the general public

• okay so usually in fanart/fanfics the liyue kids friend group is either xingqiu chongyun xiangling and xinyan or xingqiu chongyun xiangling and hu tao. but why not both. xingqiu chongyun xiangling xinyan AND hu tao AND throw in yun jin as well. all of them are buddies peace and love on planet teyvat

• hu tao has a sort of celebrity crush on beidou (i mean who wouldn’t-) and then she meets kazuha and shes like CAPTAIN BEIDOU HAS A KID?

• hu tao: woaaahh its so nice to meet beidou’s new son… i bet beidou wouldn’t just adopt anyone so you must be super cool and badass because um captain beidou is soooo cool and badass and strong and sexy and did you know she beat a sea monster without a vision and her biceps are big enough to l- kazuha: okay how about we talk about something else

• anyway kazuha is an honorary member of the Liyue Kids Friendship Squad

• xinyan and beidou are also like family but xinyan’s parents are still alive (i think) so xinyan thinks of beidou as more of a cool aunt figure. xinyan and kazuha are kind of like siblings to each other tho

• xinyan is like genuinely very kind and good-natured so i think that aside from people who are assholes to her for being loud/a rock musician she can get along with pretty much anyone. also she just. seems like a really good friend so i think all her friends should love n support her and go to as many of her concerts as they can

• one time when xinyan was having a concert in liyue harbor and chongyun got on stage and started drumming and doing backup vocals bc of his yang energy shenhe passed by and saw them and after the concert while xingqiu was tending to chongyun she approached xinyan

• shenhe: i see you’re a friend of my nephew. your music is very unique. it both soothed and aggravated my homicidal urges at the same time xinyan: uhhh well…th. thank you miss shenhe? i’ll take that as a compliment … if you’re ever in the area again you’re always welcome to rock out at my concerts

• i love yun jin and i love yun jin x xinyan i think they would make a very cute couple HOWEVER. i think hu tao x xinyan would be cute as well. theres a lot of potential there but they barely interact in canon and ive only ever seen one person who maybe ships them uwaaaaaa

• in a modern au hu tao and xinyan would both play gacha rhythm games and they would add each other as friends in-game. hu tao and xinyan are on each other’s bandori friendlist

[incomingalbatross]

GF Fic: (Insert Time-Related Pun Here)

Having a birthday on the last day of summer was great when you were a kid.

When you were in college and vacation ended somewhere in the last third of August? Not so much.

“Grunkle Ford, I...I don’t think Mabel and I can make it to Gravity Falls,” Dipper confessed, the day before his twenty-second birthday.

“Is it the travel time?” Ford asked from the other end of the phone. “If your usual transportation is too slow, we can call in a favor or two for you kids—I know plenty of entities that would be happy to give you a lift as a birthday present—”

“No, I know, I know,” Dipper said, running a frustrated hand through his hair. “And I really appreciate that, Grunkle Ford, I just...it’s not the travel, it’s being there. The other years we’ve been in college, our birthday was always on a weekend—last year was a Monday, but we spent that year with you guys instead of in school—”

“Thank goodness that seer tipped us off about her vision of 2020!” Ford agreed. “Taking a gap year to sail the Arctic with us was definitely the right decision for you two.”

“Right? Half a semester of online classes was more than enough. But—I mean, maybe it’s being back in school after being gone for a year, maybe it’s just early-semester problems, but...” Dipper sighed. “It’s just, I’m taking five classes, and I’ve got a TA job this year, and I’m getting back into the DD&MD group again and maybe planning to DM a oneshot as a Halloween event, and...” He sighed again. “It all looked much more manageable on my schedule. It was color-coded and everything!”

Grunkle Ford hummed noncommittally.

“Yeah, I know,” Dipper admitted. “Not the first time I’ve overbooked myself.”

“Not quite, perhaps. But it’s very good that you’re learning to recognize it and take steps to take care of yourself—when I was in college, I burned out routinely.”

“Mabel would sic the ‘Self-Care Fairy’ on me again if I didn’t learn.” The “Self-Care Fairy” was a truly terrifying onslaught of Mabelness, complete with costume and character voice, and would not go away until its subject had reached an acceptable level of well-being and had examined their mistakes. “Which is why...I have to cancel. If I came to Gravity Falls, even with instant travel, I’d only be able to get there around like 5:00 PM and I’d be stressed and anxious the whole time. And then I’d get back here exhausted and with no homework done and with class tomorrow, and...I just don’t think I can afford that.” Dipper paused, a knot twisting in his stomach. “I’m really sorry, I wish we could come...”

“Of course, Dipper, we know you do!” Grunkle Ford hastened to assure him. “Don’t feel sorry for us—of course we’d love to see you, but we just had the summer together. I’m just sorry you’re so short on time.” There was a moment’s silence.

“But how is Mabel doing? Is she facing the same challenges?”

“I mean, sort of.” Dipper smiled ruefully. “She kept trying to figure out some solution so that we could have our usual birthday and everything would work out, but...neither of us could come up with anything that would actually work. And she’s really busy too. She jumped back into school full steam ahead, and she’s got her Etsy store, and all her social groups to keep up with—you know she’s better at managing her energy than I am, but it’s still a lot.”

“I understand that,” Ford said. “You both do what you need to to keep up with your responsibilities, okay? We’re very proud of you both, you know.”

Dipper swallowed around the lump in his throat. “I know, Grunkle Ford.”

“Well, then, I’ll let you go—I imagine you have plenty to do right now! We’ll get in touch with you tomorrow, even if only by text.”

“Thank you, Grunkle Ford! Mabel and I are going to video-call at some point, we think, so there’s that. Say hi to Stan and Soos and Melody and the kids and everyone for me?”

“Of course, my boy. Have a good evening.”

“You too.”

The call disconnected, and Dipper sighed, throwing himself down on his bed. After a minute, he picked up his phone again and texted Mabel.

Just called Ford and canceled plans. He said to take care of ourselves and that he and Stan are proud of us.

Then he pushed himself into the homework for tomorrow until his phone buzzed.

Aww, of course he did. <3 Thanks for calling, brobro. I wish we could go, but you were right--I’ve got WAY too much booked. Why didn’t we check what weekday our birthday was FIRST???

Dipper snorted. Maybe we’re dumb :/

IMPOSSIBLE, Mabel sent back. Clearly an evil College Schedule Gremlin messed with our brains

Is that the same guy who makes it so you can never take the prereqs you need when you need them?

Yep!! And the one who fogs your brain so you THINK you’ve filled all your requirements until it’s too late to patch up the holes in your plan. His phone buzzed a second time after that text. ...Ugh, maybe there ARE gremlins in all the college systems

It would explain Blackboard, Dipper agreed with a frown. Huh, maybe they should look into that...

Anyway, though, u good for Zoom tomorrow?

Dipper huffed, reminded of the fact that they had no time for a paranormal investigation right now. Yeah, he typed, I can do an hour or so anytime after 5:30.

Cool, I will figure out a time and let you know!! Can’t wait to see your 22-year-old face!! :) Even if it sucks that we can’t party :(

Same, same. TTYL :)

Dipper tossed his phone aside again, shutting his eyes for a minute. It wasn’t just the party that had him down—though he would miss the bash that Gravity Falls usually threw on their birthday. It was...everything.

It was having a birthday without Mabel.

Oh, sure, they would talk, but they wouldn’t be in the same place. That was why, really, he’d hung onto their plans until the very last minute. He’d made it work on paper—taking an evening to travel to Gravity Falls, have a party, and be back in time for the next class—and it just felt wrong to admit defeat, to compromise on something this important. Their birthday meant the two of them celebrating together, having a good time, acknowledging that it was important.

This year wasn’t going to feel like a birthday at all, Dipper thought glumly.

But no, that was quitter talk. They were going to do their best anyway, because they were the Mystery Twins! Even if the situation was lame. Even if he was going to spend his time on the call with Mabel tomorrow doing homework and/or bursting with stress.

He opened his eyes, staring at the ceiling. “Why do I always overfill my schedule?” he asked plaintively.

The ceiling didn’t answer.

---

Dipper dropped his backpack with a thud on his dorm room floor, hastily unzipping it and digging out his laptop. He was late—he’d left his thermos in his last classroom, and been halfway across campus before he realized and turned around to go get it. He blamed his sleep deprivation (a week in, and his body still hadn’t readjusted to the rhythm of morning classes).

Now, though, he could finally pull up Zoom. He plugged in his headphones as he waited for it to connect (stupid dorm wifi), and was rewarded with an ear-splitting squeal.

“Happy birthday, Dipper!”

He grinned at her beaming face. “Happy birthday, Mabel!”

“Did you get a birthday cupcake?” she demanded. “Or at least a birthday cookie?”

He grimaced. “I got ice cream at the cafeteria, but I had to eat it there,” he confessed. “Here, I’ve got...a birthday candy bar?”

“Hmph.” Mabel looked crestfallen, but plastered a smile on anyway. “It’ll have to do! We can sing Happy Birthday, anyway. One, two, thr—”

Before they could launch into an inevitably out-of-sync rendition of “Happy Birthday,” Dipper heard a loud knock. Judging by Mabel’s startled turn towards her door, she heard it too—

Wait, what?

The knocking repeated. On both their doors.

“..Huh,” Mabel said thoughtfully. With a wordless glance between them, they both unplugged their headphones and went to their respective doors.

“Happy birthday, slugger!” Stan said, grinning, the instant he saw Dipper. Over the internet, Ford’s voice was greeting Mabel at the same time.

Dipper’s jaw dropped.

“Ha!” Grunkle Stan shoved past him into the room. Waving to the camera, he added, “Happy birthday, sweetie!”

Ford peered past Mabel into the screen. “Happy birthday, Dipper, my boy!”

“But—what—”

“Grunkles!” Mabel cried. “...But wait, why not just video call us? Not that we’re not happy to see your wrinkly faces, but you came such a long way!”

“Yeah, exactly,” Dipper said, waving his arm in confusion. “You guys—you know we can’t really visit, right? Even with you with us? We don’t have time. I dont want you guys to waste a trip—”

“But we didn’t,” Ford said smugly. “We came to bring your birthday presents.”

With a flourish, Stan produced something and handed it to Dipper. It looked like...a piggy bank, but with a clock face set into the side?

Mabel gasped. “It’s so CUTE!”

“But what is it, Grunkle Ford?” Dipper asked.

“Simply put, my boy...it’s time.”

“It’s a Time-Savings Bank,” Stan said proudly. “Got our hands on these babies a few months ago, on a little side trip. See, when you’ve got some extra time—like, at night, or when you’re waiting for a pot to boil, or whatever—you can use these gizmos to store it up instead! Then when you need more time, you use the clock to take it back out. Whammo! You squeeze in a few extra hours between the normal ones.”

“Like Daylight Saving Time without the false advertising,” Ford added. “We know you two are short on time right now, but...if you’d like, there’s enough in here to give you and everyone currently at the Mystery Shack a good few hours of spare time. What do you say, kids? Still up for a party?”

“Are we!” Mabel crowed.

Dipper stared at this miraculous device. “But...that’s a lot of hours,” he said. “Where did you get the time?”

Stan barked out a laugh. “You kiddin’, Dipper? We figured from the start that at least one of you would burn out when you went back to school. We’ve been putting time aside in these things for months.”

“...Really?” Dipper said. Somehow, he found himself blinking rapidly, and swallowing down some obstruction in his throat.

Stan coughed uncomfortably, looking away. “I mean, it’s not like we gave you any time we had a use for. Just some odds and ends here and there...every day... Anyway! You kids wanna get this show on the road?”

“YES!” Mabel shouted.

Dipper beamed. “Definitely,” he said. “Absolutely.”

And a few minutes later, when they all found themselves in the Shack (courtesy of one of those “favors” Ford had mentioned yesterday), and Dipper had piled into the inevitable group hug with his twin and his grunkles—and with hours of birthday celebration in front of them all—he had to add, “Best present ever.”

[missholoska]

Have you ever thought about making some Deltaswap designs? I personally am not a fan of the Kris and Susie swap or the Lancer and Ralsei Swap, but I didn't like Underswap Alphys either, but you managed to get me to like Alphys alot more with your design for her.

I’m so out of touch with Deltarune AUs I didn’t even know that Kris & Susie was the main swap, ahah :’D I know Deltaswap is A Thing That Exists™, but I’ve never once looked up any content of it. to be honest I’m not against Deltarune AUs at all, but personally it feels like if you tried to make Underswap just based entirely on the Undertale demo. like, imagine trying to make Underswap Toriel without knowing she was a queen, or lost over half a dozen children, or even about her friendship with Sans? you probably could make it work, but you’re lacking like 80% of the depth the characters have.

point is, despite how charming all of DR’s characters already are in a single chapter I feel like there’s gonna be so much more we find out about them in the full game, and any AU I tried to make with what we currently know would just feel kinda flat to me. just doing some designs wouldn’t be bad, but I like to make designs feel relevant to characterisation and personality, so uh. same issue

...but despite that this ask did get me thinking so just for fun, here’s a very undeveloped Deltaswap idea I’m not going to do anything with:

(and again, I know absolutely nothing about any versions of Deltaswap, so apologies if any of this has already been done, I genuinely do not know)

swapping Kris & Susie and Ralsei & Lancer does sound like it’d make sense as the two duos of Lightners and Darkners, and it requires way less worldbuilding changes than this idea of mine, but I really can’t imagine Ralsei with Lancer’s personality at all? and I can’t say I have any ideas on how I’d handle Kris and Susie’s personality swap, either.

so if we’re avoiding that swap, the next logical option to me would be Kris & Ralsei and Susie & Lancer, since those are the two main friendships for a chunk of the game. but then that causes the issue of Darkners in the roles of Lightners, and the only way I could make sense of that is to swap the Dark World and Light World entirely. swapping locations usually isn’t my preference, but I could see this being fun!

a Dark World-themed Hometown could have buildings in the style of Card Castle and Ralsei’s Empty Town, and the autumn trees would be replaced by those red square-leafed trees like in the field and forest, and the Darkners who live there are just chill friendly people to talk to.

the Light World would then be the one you fall into, and it’d have the same layout as the original game’s Dark World but with the Light World aesthetic. the field and forest would be all autumnal, and maybe the Empty Town could look like the graveyard area? and I guess you’d have more of UT’s monsters who can show up as repeated enemy encounters, but there’d be the occasional familiar faces to talk to or fight as well.

as for the characters: no clue what to do with Ralsei’s home life or the player possession thing, but I’d see him as the quiet loner type like DR Kris, though still very sweet and friendly, and not as much of a silent protagonist. maybe he’d have his classic hat and black fur appearance in the Dark World and the hatless white-furred look in the Light World.

Lancer would be outright meaner but his insults still tend to be pretty goofy, and both DR Susie and Lancer already have issues with no one actually liking them, so no change there. I don’t know how his appearance would change in the Light World jhgjksdf

Kris is... complicated, but I think their personality would be like a more serious version of DR Ralsei. they’ve been alone for a long time waiting for the Heroes to arrive and act as a responsible guide for Ralsei, and I could see them having a “my choices don’t matter, but maybe yours will” kind of mentality? dunno how much sense that makes but whatever it sounded cool ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Susie wouldn’t be as silly as DR Lancer, but she definitely has more fun being the Mean Girl with her actual motorbike. also not sure what to do with her home life and being related to whatever big bad the Light World has...

Rouxls in Alphys’ role as a Dark World teacher would be hilarious and you can’t convince me otherwise. “thoust worms, bringeth me the chalk This Instante or thou shalt all be placedesteth in the Detention Dungeons”

Alphys on the other hand would be Suffering over puzzles and you’d probably just feel bad for her until she realises how cool the Fun Gang is and roots for them instead.

Jevil swaps with Sans. you know in your heart there’s no one else either would swap with. Jevil would’ve recently moved to the Dark World Hometown to run a shop, but remains a terrible little gremlin man who says weird things at you. still has his CHAOS CHAOS branding, of course.

Sans just gets to be a hellish boss and make dumb jokes again, only he has a jester-themed hoodie or something.

...and uh, I guess since people like shipping Jevil with Seam (don’t really get the ship myself but more power to those who do), it’d only be fair to swap Seam with Toriel. Seam as Ralsei’s parental figure could be pretty adorable, actually? it’s just a shame the price of that fluff is putting up with Jevil talking about befriending your parent last night.

Toriel can be the sweet, tired shopkeeper who kindly tells you about the Light World, offers you some food and armour, and later gives you hints about her long-lost friend who got locked in Clown Jail for causing problems on purpose.

I guess Spade King and Asgore would be an obvious swap, but I can’t see the King being a father figure to Ralsei and there’s no way in hell Asgore would be cruel to Susie, so who knows.

swapping Clover and Undyne could be very cute! DR Undyne being a cop is, uh, controversial to say the least, so instead Clover could be one of those people who holds stop signs to let kids cross the road safely. some of her heads yell at people if they don’t slow down quick enough.

Undyne’s just yelling about puzzles and celebrating her birthday, she’s having a good time

I have nothing more than that and this already got miles long anyway but if there were a Deltaswap like that out there maybe it’d be kinda neat 👍

[popculturebuffet]

Loud House: 11 Louds A Leapin Review or It’s My Bobby in a Box

Happy Holidays errybody! Christmas returns to this blog after a bit of a break to tie up some loose ends, and celebrate my birthday with a return to the loud house.  It’s honestly good to be back. While it can be a struggle to cover a pure comedy, I genuinely like the show a lot, even with it’s flaws i’ve gone into, and my regular reviews gave  me a running gag in my hatred of rusty and a new respect for the show. It’s just with a buiser schedule and me not actually trying to have something resembling order to things, I kept shoving Banned Together back despite really wanting to see it since.. you know.. Luna episode.. until it ended up sliding into ANOTHER set of episodes. It’s things like this why I have a queue now: while it’s not set day by day, in case I want to do more than one i na day, it is there to keeep some semblance of order and keep me on track so this dosen’t happen again.  So with all that being said.. why did I choose to do A DIFFRENT loud house episode for the second time in a row before getting back to the current season? Simple.. i’ve been putting this episode off personally for even LONGER. I meant to watch 12 louds a leapin back when it first came out at the start of season 2... and just never got around to it. And just kept never getting around to it, wanting to watch it at christmas but then forgetting to do so for the last 4 years. Spare a thought there.. 4 years. In that time 80 years have passed, an era of marvel movies have come to an end, a tick series has come and gone, She Ra has come and gone, ducktales premiered then annoucned it was ending.. my point is way too many shows are ending too soon, and i’ve let this slide for far too long. So I bumped this one up to finally take a look at it, as i’ve waited this long and didn’t want to risk missing it a fifth fucking time. So yeah i’m taking look at what’s probably a classic episode in the fandom with fresh eyes. Let’s see what I thought shall we? It’s Christmas Eve at the Loud House and Lincoln is once again Zach Morrising it up .

Not what I meant.. whatever that is. It’s been 30 years since that episode aired, probably a good 12 since I first saw it and I still have no idea why they did this or if it was giong to end in a three way before the girls showed up. We just don’t know and the greatest minds in the country are baffled.. and you know working on the vaccine and making sure it’s safe. 

No Linc is talking to the camera about it being christmas while gearing up to go sledding with his sled big red. Meanwhile the rest of the louds are doing their usual christmas activities which we get introduced to as Lincoln gets ready. The girls sub-plots here are, outside of Lori’s., less plots and more running gags, various shenanigans by the girls tying into their personalities and christmasy stuff. It works perfectly.. while it’s a bunch of gags.. the gags are funny and it’s neat to learn more about just how the girls celebrate christmas and what they get up to every year. It’s part of what’s to love about holiday specials as you get a once or twice in a series chance to see how our heroes celbrate the holiday and thus a look into stories, gags and character stuff very unique to the holiday. It also uses the fact LIncoln was the protaganist at the time very well, using him as our viewpoint to set up all the christmas goings on as he makes his way out of the house, so we can cut back to them later as his plot goes on. It’s really good stuff. So what are the girls up to? Let’s go down the list by age shall we?

Lori: Lori has the most involved plot anyway so it’s best to start here. Lori and Bobby are having their first christmas together... though it does bring up the fact that they’ve only been dating 2 years at most, yet plan to get married.. I mean that is a lot but your also 18. Then again time is nigh incomprehinsiable to unpack in the loud house, and at least 3 years passed in the one year it took to get them all aged up, so I wouldn’t think about it too hard.  Lori, still being in huge bitch mode as she was early on, pressures bobby to get a good gift. She later gets said gift but despite being told to open it immideitly, her siblings chide her on her habit of tearing presents open and thus get her not to open it. So that’s a runner through the special, with Lana even putting her on a leash at one point, which I found hilarious. Less hilaroius is the conclusion as it turns out in the box on christmas day.. is BOBBY, who understandably is not looking so good...

Thankfully bobby’s not dead or they all would be, but still the poor boy missed christmas eve with his mom  and sister for this stunt. I mean I get it’s his fault, he’s apparently LITERALLY too dumb to live it turns out and should’ve you know made a noise sooner and probably didn’t want to ruin the suprise.. but we still nearly got an episode where a 4 year old had surivviors guilt for letting her older sisters boyfriend suffocate in a box. That’s dead santa from gremlins levels of fucked up. Thankfully Lori loves it and I assume bobby’s worried family joined them for christmas eve. That image fills my heart with hope. But seriously bobby never again we can’t loose you. At least not before Sergio. 

Leni: Leni’s is very simple it’s just a running gag of her taking various christmas things, making them into outfits then saying shhhh to whoever’s around when she hears, or in later cases is right there, with the person asking. Just a funny bit.  Luna: Is working on a christmas song. It’s one of the weake runners as the failed songs just aren’t that funny, but the payoff for the main plot makes up for it. WE’ll get to that.  Luann: Has one of my faviorite bits, her 12 puns of christmas which is both really adorable and leads to an adorable moment with her dad. Always loved their relationship. 

Lynn and Lucy: Are teamed up this episode which makes me genuinely miss how the two would be used as a pair ocasionally earlier on but just .. arne’t anymore> The rest of the girls status as roomates is used liberally but not so much these two. IT’s just weird and disheartning to me. That being said their plot is simply the two digging around to find where the presents are hidden, which I never got as why would you want to know weeks ahead of time. You can’t use any money to buy the stuff you dind’t get or they’ll know and they usually figure out you knew ahead of time and it just brings thigns down. But from a kid’s perspective I guess I get it and while it’s weird to have Lucy be one of the ones following I like it, as it shows that benath her gothy demanor she’s still just an 8 year old girl excited for christmas, and that’s adorable. A decent enough runner. 

Lana: Gets  a good one: She keeps accidently catching people, and a passing car in one case though she has a jack to help, in her reindeer traps. Its not only funny but really adorable especially since she dosen’t care about trapping SANTA persay, she just wants her own pet reindeer and frankly who wouldn’t want a rideable woodland critter who can fly. Dammit now i want one too. 

Lola and Lisa: Lola gets a fairly standard one tha’ts still pretty damn funny; She wants to get offf the naughy list by playing good for a day. What makes it funny is that last part.. that instead of doing it over a few days like most of this plot she’s trying to cram it all into one day while also trying not to strangle Lisa, who keeps showing up to say santa’s route is impossiuble. As ducktales covered he slows down time.. also you know.. not every kid celebrates christmas so ther’es probably a good number of houses he dosen’t have to cover in one night.  Lily: Just randomly pops out of stockings a bit. it’s precioous as it sounds.  The Parents: It had honestly been so long both since i’d seen a season 1 episode, and since the two had been both given actual names and fleshed out considerably, that i’d forgotten Rita and Senior had their faces obscured for all of season 1. It’s REALLY weird and jarring to go back to after getting to know them as fully formed people of their own over the past 3 seasons, and especally gorowing to love Senior, as he’s a loveably goofy dad but without the incompetence of most comedy dads. He can bumble but he’s also genuinely supportive, talented and pulls his weight in his marriage and family.  We do however start to really see their fully formed , full member of the cast perosnalities here: Rita is clearly tired from the sheer amount of shit she has to juggle, but is also nice and warm and while Lynn Sr.’s goofiness was established already, here it’s tempered into his current shape and his love of cooking and through role as the family chef is established. While he was established as cook earlier he goes from someone who’d use frozen food just to get by to a master chef who probably does use a lot of frozen stuff but can make anything taste good and will eventually have his own restraunt. It’s really fascenating to see them slowly emerge. They don’t really have plots themslves, and Lynn’s only real gag is wanting everyone to try his figgy pudding. 

So with the rest of the family covered let’s get to our main plot. Lincoln is sledding.. on the slide out back.. for some reason. 

The reason is simple.. his sled ends up in the yard of Mr. Grouse, their neighbor and old man who yells at louds. Lincoln explains grouse keeps everything that ends up in his yard and has taken a lot from the Loud Kids over the years. So lincoln.. uses the slide to sled.. DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF HIS YARD. 

I’ve been wanting to use pigtail kim since I made that one recently. But her points stands. What?!. I mean Lincoln can be stupid, he’s  only 12 it’s allowed, but usually more out of not realizing what he’s getting into or using kid logic. He’s not this brain dead. That’s Leni’s job. It just feels like plot contrivance. Just have him build some sort of contraption as a makeshift hill and tell the audience he’s doing this because his family dosen’t want him going to an actual hill on christmas or is too busy to take him. There are easier ways than this half assed rube goldberg machine of a setup. So naturally his sled ends up in the yard.. and he calls on Clyde to help....

Now if you’ve been reading my reviews for a while, you know that reactoin is normally reserved exclusivley for this guy. 

But since Rusty was in his larval state with only a few apperances and hadn’t emeerged from his coocoon as the douche I know and love to take pot shots at, there was actually something WORSE. Something more obnoxious. And with far far worse implications. And that my friends was seasons 1 and 2 Clyde.  Clyde in the early seasons CAN be fine, and the self we know now. In fact I wish he interacted with the sisters more as the slumber party episode early on gave him a nice dynamic with all of them and the episode with him and leni was terrific. The problem one there was running gag with him, one character trait that utterly sucked the joy out of the room at best and made him into an unlikeable little shit at worst; HIs crush on Lori.  When she’s around at BEST he has a Master Roshi nosebleed, stammers her name and passes out, something that wasn’t funny the first time and quickly became grating the 80 other times they did it. But at worst, as he is here? He’s creepy, obessevie and worst of all. .a real dick to bobby. Who as we’ve established is...

So that was NEVER going to go over well and even ignoring that is still very bad. The little creep just constantly treats Bobby with hostility, which given this is Bobby, he dosen’t realize is going on. Any time their relationship is threantned Clyde’s main goal is to swoop in during the aftermath and win lori over. He constantly wants Bobby out of the way, The ONE TIME he dosen’t come off as a massive dick is when Lincoln thinks Bobby might be cheating, and that’s because Clyde isn’t planning on swooping into the wrecakge of someone’s relationship to get a girlfriend, but to punch the guy out for cheating on her. Bobby wasn’t and Clyde obviously isn’t capable of that, but it’s a bit more understandable and even CLYDE wants to make sure there’s evidence first. But more often than not he’s just under the assumptino Lori will be his despite the massive age gap, her having made it obvious she’s not intrested, and her being in  longterm relationship she’s really happy in with someone else. And this was season 1 lori who reacted to this, so the fact she’s not being the queen of all bitches about it only makes him look that much worse. And to add to that, Bobby not only KNOWS he has as crush on Lori but is suppportive of clyde, cheering him on when she kisses him once for doing something noble, and generally treating “Clydsdale” like he would any of Lori’s blood siblings. It was excurating then to sit through this every few episodes.. and it’s even worse now because the gag’s complete dissaperance from Season 3 onwards really paints the picture that this gag was entirely because series creator Chris Savino thought this was FUNNY and no one else did. And given he got fired for, you know, HARASSING WOMEN  AND NOT TAKING NO FOR AN ANSWER  you kinda see how an already bad bit was made worse. So yeah while the sled thing is bad this.. is objectively worse and drags the special down more. It’s thakfully not omniprescent but man is it hard to watch.  Clyde being in full dickhead mode is trying to get a kiss from lori and is using a missletoe hat for it.. And can we just agree that while Missletoe can be used well in stories, to help two shy people finally kiss or to ramp up romantic tension or what have you, that it’s often used by creepy douchebags to get kisses they don’t deserve both here and presumibly in irl before the plauge hit? We can? Good. But yeah that’s his plot, no suprise he gets one, bah hum bug. He also throws in some Bobby bashing by fantasising about him ending up in the yard and clyde ending up with lori since Grouse keeps bobby.. even though instead Lori would just ignore clyde, storm over there and rip an old man’s spine out mortal kombat style. 

So yeah Lincoln wants his sled back, but he can’t do it alone as the old man scares him, hence Clyde coming in. They make an elaborate plan using some careful blueprints. 

Their real plan is to have Clyde disract grouse while Lincoln grabs the sled but it fails and mean mr mustard finds it and takes it inside. Desperate, Lincoln prepares to do some crimes and head into his house. Clyde is afraid he’l end up in jail and never get to visit because only family can. Clyde you are family. Plus Prison visits aren’t limited to relatives only, any show with a character in jail storyline will tell you that. But Lincoln makes a valid point that Grouse stole his property.. I still dont’ think this is the right way to handle it and his parents should just go over and ask the loud, irate asshole to give the kids stuff back he stole to be a dick, but this is a kids show and again we wouldn’t have a plot but unlike last time my head dosen’t hurt from this. He’s desperate, he knows that probably wouldn’t work and again he’s 12. 12 year old logic is fine.  Naturally he ends up getting caught as Grouse didn’t leave for long, though having found a photo of Grouse with a sled as a kid, understandably fires back on him that he wasn’t always like this. Why he like this. He also has the much farier point that again, it’s his property and “My yard my rules” is about as much a legal rule as a note saying “I can do what I want, ron”. But Grouse understandably, hey he’s a dick but the boyd id be and e, makes him clean up and after Grouse fails to get the loud parents Lincoln, via a comination of a charming family photo and Grouse talking to his sister on the phone, finds out the real reason he acts like this: He misses his family and being on a fixed income can’t visit them often as he tells his sister he won’t be home for christmas to see his sprawling family. 

And while it doesen’t excuse his actions.. it does explain why Grouse is so bitter: you would be too if you had a massive family who clealry loved you and your on good terms with.. but through no fault of your own and presumibly despite working hard toa fford retirment you just.. can’t see them. Their there and you have the phone, but you don’t know how to work the internet and it’s just.. not the same as seeing them. Your just seperated from them and can’t be near them or hear their voices or get hugs. Which.. given the current pandemic i’m sure MANY of you can relate to that.. to being seperated from your loved ones and trapped, and especailly many people mr grouses age are facing that. While this special is good even without the context of seeing it this year it especailly resonates and i’m glad I waited this long simply beaause it came at just the right time. Grouse tells him to leave not planning on calling his parents.

So in christmas special fashion, Lincoln is touched byt his story, and feels bad for the old curmudgeon. Sure they don’t get along and the bastard broke his sled.. but again you’d be bitter too in his shoes. The guy has nothing and is alone.. and Grouse has done nothing to deserve that, even with his actions resulting from it. No one should be alone on christmas.  So Lincoln tells his sisters, all of whom rally around him, including Luna whose writer’s block is broken as she finally realizes... 

And not singing about that was holding her back. Luna has her song and Lincoln, as expected has a plan.  And we soon see that plan as Grouse gets a knock on the door.. and finds the Louds, parents included, and The McBrides all there singing him a christmas song. It’s pretty decent and the first time we really get to see Nikka Futterman sing and i’ts beautiful> Ther’ed be better, and worse luna songs to come but this is still pretty neat and sweet. THey came to offer him deocrations, dinner, company.. and a one way bus ticket to his family... presumibly the family will pay the other way or he can easier the day after christmas. Point is he’s touched, and genuinely and sincerly thanks them and invites them in, with Grouse’s actor John DiMaggio REALLY selling it hard. 

So our heroes gather for Christmas Eve all together, and under Grouse’s roof with Grouse giving the kids their stuff back having had a change of heart. Sure he misses his family.. but the Louds and Mc Brides have shown him he dosen’t have to shut everyone out as a result. And while Grouse apologizes tht his sled is gone.. Lincoln’s fine with it he got something better.  So the next morning we end on the kids opening presents, and Lori saving her boyfriend from axphisxiation, seriously between this and strife of the party i’m really starting to sour on lana. Regarldess Lucy finally belivies in santa both due to gifts nd seeing him last night, while Lincoln finds a sled from santa.. and then goes outside to see Mr Grouse off, recognizing he’s the one who played santa in  a really sweet and senitmental bit. The two part on good terms even if Lincoln breaks another window. Things have changed if not that much.  Final THoughts:  If it wasn’t obvious, I REALLY loved this one. While it has it’s flaws, and Chris Savino sucks dirty ass in thunderstorms obviously.. it’s still a really sweet, well constructed special and I really recommend checking it out. It’s on the nick app if you have cable and on CBS All Acess if you have that. Until next time merry christmas to all and to all a good day. 

And if ther’es an episode of the loud house you’d like me to review leave it in the comments or you can comission a review of it for five dollars. Just direct message me to work out the details or send an ask for my discord. 

[the-cooler-snimbusjavy]

XCOM: Chimera Squad Character Trivia Masterpost

So with XCOM: Chimera Squad having been out for a bit of time now, I’ve come to love and appreciate every single member of the squad we got, so I went ahead and decided to take a look at everything possible we have on the gang. Between character bios, in-game dialogue and conversations, lines pulled from the config files, concept art, all coupled with my personal interpretation on the information given, I have tried to give a go at making a post with every detail of each character I found worth mentioning (in absolutely no particular order). So, enjoy! Also fair warning, it’s long, ayy

SPOILERS AHEAD While not too important in the great scheme of things in Chimera Squad’s story, do read at your own risk.

.

Terminal - China, 29 years old

Terminal lost her parents during the invasion of 2015. They were a factory worker and a cook. Afterwards, she escaped with her uncle to a relocation camp, who unfortunately died of disease the following year.

After this event, she was adopted by a doctor who lost her only daughter. It was her who inspired Terminal to become a combat medic. In a cruel turn of events, she was killed during a retaliation attack from ADVENT. It is said Terminal’s personality severely shifted after this.

Terminal keeps a photo of her deceased adopted mother in her locker.

She was originally rejected to join the Reclamation Agency, so she requested the use of psionic probes to prove her worth. She was then admitted in probationary period.

Terminal believes Verge is the only one in the team who truly understands her. Verge “knows” this.

Terminal wants to have a fight between hers and Patchwork’s GREMLINs, for “training purposes”.

Terminal nicknames Patchwork “Patches” on occasion.

Whenever Patchwork “smack talks” Terminal down, she expresses she’s “so proud” of her.

Terminal often eats Whisper’s lunches in the fridge, under the excuse that he doesn’t label them.

Terminal seems to know the Jabberwock, and perhaps other stories surrounding it, as she wished to hear Zephyr pronounce said word, likely out of Terminal’s mocking of her Australian accent.

Terminal claims to be the “biggest fan” of conspiracy theorist Floyd Tesseract’s radio show, You Should Have Believed, and is absolutely delighted to meet him. This is much unlike every other member of the team, who all seem to either disregard him, dislike him, or outright suggest he be captured.

According to Terminal, the restorative mist within her GREMLIN is “minty fresh”. It seems Cherub once sniffed it on accident.

Terminal seems to consider Verge’s singing to be “the second worst thing she’s heard all year”.

Whisper accuses Terminal of sleeping during their briefings. According to Terminal, she’s just “resting her eyes”, as well as her “ears” and “interest”.

According to Godmother, Terminal tenses up whenever she pulls the trigger of her gun. Terminal attempts to deny this, unsuccessfully.

According to herself, Terminal has always wanted a “heavily-armored entourage”.

Terminal doesn’t know what a vertipad is, and upon learning of it, she questions who calls them that way, thinking it “stupid”. Seemingly, everyone else on the squad calls them by their name without issue.

According to Terminal, she’s never gonna retire, she expects to just die some day in the field (five years at most). Afterwards she confesses that she’s no good anywhere else, suggesting that she has an issue in finding direction with her life. Godmother claims that she knows well what she means.

Verge - ~40 years old

Verge originally worked alongside Thin Men in order to infiltrate society and psionically control them to share good word of the Elders’ occupation of Earth. It was due to his constant exposure to human thoughts that gained him empathy.

He worked as a mole during the events of XCOM 2 and provided the Resistance with information, making him the only* known alien to aid XCOM during their war against ADVENT. (*Ethereal Asaru is theorized to have aided XCOM by merging with the Commander, and sometimes even implied, but it still remains devoid of official word about it)

Sectoids can mind-merge with someone in order to “taste” whatever they may be eating. He suggests doing this with Cherub by offering to go to a new restaurant that serves “authentic old world cuisine”, but only with Cherub’s own consent.

Sectoids, and Verge as an extension, seemingly cannot eat terrestrial meat and eggs, or “greasy” food as worded by Cherub.

On that note, it would seem Sectoids are also intolerant to jam, as it’s considered poison for them. It’s possible Godmother was aware of this fact, as she instead replaces “jam“ with “butter“ during a phrase pre-mission.

Verge recognizes his acts during the original invasion were wrong, and there having been worse alternatives don’t excuse his actions still, according to him.

That said, he doesn’t seem to want to talk about his part in it, when asked by Godmother if he regret any of it.

Verge finds butter delicious, though he also believes the consumption of “the churned remains of another lactating mammal” to be slightly disturbing.

Terminal seems to be “creeped out” by Verge’s Battle Madness ability. Blueblood similarly finds it unsettling, yet still appreciates the “breathing room”. Surprisingly, Torque seems to outright love it, and even requests Verge to have the enemy “dance”.

Cats apparently find Sectoids to be adversaries for undisclosed reasons as declared by Verge, yet according to Axiom, he’s seen “a lot of Sectoids with cats”.

Verge keeps a ramen shop sticker, as well as an excerpt of a ramen cooking magazine in his locker, suggesting either or both an interest in cooking and enthusiasm towards this particular dish.

It seems Verge was acquainted with conspiracy theorist Floyd Tesseract during the invasion, claiming that he was “just as insufferable“ throughout it as he is now.

Verge enjoys “messing” with Whisper whenever he makes a comm check, by instead listening to him psionically. Whisper at least appreciates the honesty.

Verge seems to respect and care greatly for the Archons, as he states they will never be slaves again, and that the Progeny will do them no harm. He becomes particularly angry when threatened by the terrorist faction.

Verge claims that he enjoys collecting old watches.

Godmother - France, 48 years old

Godmother lost track of her family during the 2015 invasion. She spent a year looking for them, with no result.

Godmother does not consider herself a leader, but rather a teacher. This is the case in her old job as a police trainer, as a member of the Resistance, and now as provisional member of Chimera Squad.

Godmother plans to retire soon, but has decided to stick around Chimera Squad to aid them until she feels they are truly ready.

Terminal seems to be an example of the above, with Godmother constantly guiding the former.

Godmother witnessed Cherub’s adoption papers under request of Headquarters. She also signed them in addition.

Godmother believes Cherub has a talent to “bring people together”.

Godmother seems to consider the Sacred Coil faction as “re-heated ADVENT propaganda”.

Godmother seems to be good with card games as she claims her hobby to be “bluffing” with them, after being asked by Cherub if she had any.

According to Verge, Godmother still does not trust aliens. However, she’s actively trying to do so, which Verge claims is enough.

On the same note, Godmother is said to not trust the world leaders after surrendering so quickly, suggesting over the years she’s lived with trusting issues around her.

According to Godmother, she was once pinned down in a bank of Paris for three days.

Godmother seems to enjoy crêpes, as she orders Terminal to “stop making her hungry” after the latter desired donuts and crêpes respectively during a mission.

Godmother seems to be proud of her French heritage, as she keeps a touristic poster of the Arc de Triomphe in her locker.

Alongside this, a photo of presumably Godmother herself and a long-haired blonde woman both in police uniform is present. Who this woman is is not disclosed.

Cherub - Estonia, 5 years old

Cherub belonged to a batch of ADVENT clones under the name of the Empty Cohort, who never got to receive the respective indoctrination.

After being discovered there, Cherub was only recently adopted by the two resistance members who originally found him in his ADVENT facility of origin, as they found themselves responsible for him and his safety. They fell in love precisely due to this, having married one year prior to the events of XCOM: Chimera Squad.

On the same topic, Cherub keeps a picture of himself and his parents in his locker.

Alongside the aforementioned picture, Cherub keeps a card celebrating his fifth birthday. It presumably comes from his parents, seeing he put it alongside their picture.

Cherub was originally a clone of Bellus Mar, former ADVENT Officer and leader of the Sacred Coil terrorist faction. Cherub seems to be concerned of his teammates believing something of Mar could potentially be present in himself, which Director Kelly assures is not the case.

Cherub believes that friendship cannot be forced on others, and is content with simply letting others know that they are not alone.

Despite this, his naturally innocent and naive attitude allows Zephyr to use him as a “practice dummy”.

Cherub used to pronounce DJ as “deej” before he actually heard it aloud.

Cherub believes that it would be normal that everyone voiced whatever was exactly in their mind, without having the need to hide anything. Verge reveals to him that rarely do people do so, and that they choose to hide many things for a number of reasons. Cherub believes it to be too much work to think about, so he’d rather say things as he actually means to say.

Cherub believes sunrise, waffles, laughter, and wood smoke to be important things of life.

Cherub doesn’t understand the protection of money. He believes it’s not as rewarding as protecting people.

According to himself, Cherub is “so bad” at riddles.

Cherub enjoys watching wrestling from the old world whenever he gets the chance to find it. Whisper offers to search some for him, however, still forbids him to actually compete in it.

Cherub enjoys making puns and, apparently, he was taught of them by Whisper, who seemingly now regrets his decision.

Patchwork - Mexico, 29 years old

Patchwork lost her legs and left arm during the invasion of 2015. ADVENT provided her with new ones as part of their propaganda plan.

It was Patchwork herself who orchestrated her escape from the ADVENT City Centers, in order to join the Resistance.

Patchwork doesn’t name her GREMLINs anymore, presumably as they usually tend to be destroyed, as per Cherub’s inquiry. She counts at least 25 destroyed GREMLINs, one in particular destroyed by a Muton

Everyone apparently hates the androids they use on reinforcements for undisclosed reasons. Patchwork is the exception, as she considers them “robot friends” who fill in when they cannot.

On that note, it seems Patchwork is very protective of any sort of Android, and even refers to those stolen by Sacred Coil as her “niños” (Spanish for children).

Contrary to common belief within the squad, Patchwork did not choose her callsign due to her own state. In Terminal’s words, it was due to her affinity at “slapping software together”, and that everyone who thinks otherwise is an idiot.

Patchwork sometimes wonders if she and Terminal should switch callsigns, under the reasoning that she “works with computer terminals”, while Terminal “patches people back up”.

On the same note, Patchwork claims Terminal’s mouth moves at “terminal velocity”. The latter finds this very amusing.

Patchwork seems to refer to psionics as some sort of “music”. Stating she enjoys the “tune” of Shelter’s psi abilities, as well as claiming that Progeny’s leader Violet’s own sounds like a “symphony”. Similarly, when failed to be mind-controlled she states she doesn’t enjoy that kind of “music”.

Patchwork believes the ADVENT Gene Therapy clinics should not have been outlawed, as she considers ADVENT themselves to be the ones to blame for what they did to humanity, not the “tool” itself.

Patchwork is seemingly not allowed to enter tech vaults anymore. According to her, it was due to her mistakenly pushing a particular button that started some form of countdown. Seemingly, Director Kelly was “nearly irradiated” due to this mishap.

According to herself, Patchwork doesn’t like to go dancing, though it’s most likely due to the fact she distrusts the people running clubs.

Patchwork seems to be close to both Lily Shen and Richard Tygan, as she keeps a photo of herself alongside them both in her locker (John Bradford and the Commander can be seen in the background, with the latter strategically concealed).

Having worked as an engineer in the Avenger during XCOM 2, coupled with their personal love of robotics, her bond with Shen is easily explained.

As for Tygan, it is presumed by many he was the man in charge of providing a young Patchwork with her first prosthetic arm and legs back during his ADVENT days, explaining their bond now both together as members of XCOM.

Axiom - Born within an invasion ship, 46 years old

Mutons are apparently issued pet cats to demonstrate their capacity for compassion. Axiom did not get one as he proved himself while saving human lives during the Bugtown Massacre under his own initiative.

Despite this fact, Axiom still seems to be greatly fond of cats, as he owns a sticker of one surrounded by hearts in his locker.

According to Axiom, Mutons had a “spiritual connection” with their starships, returning to it signified some form of “pilgrimage”. Axiom’s ship, however, was destroyed back in 2015.

On this topic and true Muton nature, Axiom is fond of the space as well. He keeps a poster of Earth’s solar system in his locker.

Axiom considers Blueblood’s choice of weaponry to be inferior and small. However, after Blueblood explains his strategy of it being so unnoticeable that enemies focus on Axiom instead so then the former can pick up on those distracted, Axiom praises his cunning and respects the strategy.

Axiom believes Claymore fights like a woman, in that he’s fearless, calm under pressure, and is an inspiration to squadmates to give their all. After claiming he learned much from his sister, Axiom praises her as formidable and wishes to meet her, despite her views on the current world.

Axiom is surprised Godmother managed to fight and survive during the invasion of Paris, in her homeland in France. According to Axiom, the mortality rate was extremely high. They soon decide not to continue the conversation.

Apparently, Axiom wishes new boots, as his current footwear seemingly “pinch his ankles”.

Both Axiom and Torque seem to agree that Andromedons are “the worst”.

According to Axiom, Gray Phoenix leaders Custodian Xel and Crew Chief Yarvo’s names are aliases, and starship dialect. Xel meaning “good route” or “safe passage”, whereas Yarvo means “newly forged” or “birthed in flame”.

Claymore - India, 32 years old

Claymore has an older sister that he apparently worked with alongside the Resistance. According to Claymore, she’s the one that taught him many of the things he knows. However, she also seemingly has not come to terms with the current state of the world, presumably the peace between humans and aliens.

Other than her, Claymore also seemed to have an older brother. He, alongside their mother, however, lost their lives during the 2015 invasion.

Claymore worked on the Avenger during the events of XCOM 2, disassembling recovered alien explosives.

Claymore appears to be religious, as he claims that prayer brings him peace of mind. As to what religion he follows, is not disclosed.

When asked by Verge how he attains the aforementioned peace of mind, Claymore also adds that he does exercise and that he allows himself to love the world and the people around him.

On that same note, Claymore states that he “never touches” caffeine.

Claymore seems to enjoy food overall, and also appears to be a good cook, as he brings enough fish curry he made for everyone upon his arrival.

He and Verge enjoy visiting ramen shops together, cataloguing the good and bad places. They plan to go to the recently opened shop U.F.Oodle.

Claymore and Torque seem to have a thing against each other, referring to the other as a “rebel goon” and a “despotic flunkie”, respectively. Whisper facetiously refers to their aversion as “young love”.

Torque - Siberia, 20 years old

Torque was offered to act as “opposing force“ in training of XCOM agents post-war. She accepted as she considered prison to be “boring“.

During these events, Torque formed a bond with then-Colonel Jane Kelly, who seems to be the only person Torque truly respects and appreciates. It was thanks to her Torque was admitted into the Reclamation Agency and Chimera Squad.

Torque is afraid of losing her friends, so she tries hard to push them away with her unwelcoming attitude. This is due to her fear of forming bonds, since they may not come back from a fight the next day. She is incredibly self-aware of this fact. Director Kelly offers to talk with her about it, which Torque accepts.

On that same note, Godmother claims that Torque does in fact care about getting her team’s respect and appreciation, a topic Torque evidently wishes to avoid.

Despite these facts, Torque seems to be keen on improving as a person, as her locker shows she owns a book under the name of Meditation for the Exceptionally Stressed.

Torque sees herself as an earthling, as she was born on Siberia in 2020.

Torque seems to have something against off-worlders, but it’s unknown if this is due to her attitude, guilt about her own actions during the war that she projects against others, or legitimate aversion against them.

Terminal seems to be absolutely thrilled whenever Torque uses her Tongue Pull with the former, with her exclaiming she wants to “go again”.

Torque seems to have a heavy disliking of Whisper for undisclosed reasons, under occasions having suggested him to perform a lobotomy, as well as telling him to “bite his tongue off and bleed to death” after he asks the team to bring him a “souvenir” from a Viper-themed mature bar.

After Whisper reveals himself to be Canadian, Torque claims Canadians taste like maple. Whether it’s her joking with Whisper or not is not confirmed.

Torque believes Codexes to be “insufferable show-offs”. On that note, she’s always believed they judged her with their “creepy glowing eyes”.

Torque seems to enjoy drawing, as she keeps a bunch of sketches in her locker, most notably of terrestrial creatures like dogs and frogs. But most importantly, she has one of Axiom in civilian clothing eating noodles, scribbled in it reads “I’m never eating anything else ever again” in Axiom’s perspective. Axiom himself keeps this sketch on his own locker, demonstrating he values it.

Also present on her locker seems to be a touristic poster of the northern lights, presumably Siberian, suggesting she’s fond of her birthplace.

Blueblood - United States, 34 years old

Blueblood managed to live a peaceful life with his family under City 31 during the ADVENT regime. Despite this, he helped others where he could, even members of the Resistance.

Blueblood seems to love and respect his father dearly, as he decided to continue the family tradition of being policemen. The former also keeps a picture of them both after a fishing trip.

On the same note, Blueblood seems to be a fishing enthusiast, as he keeps a poster of the various fishes near City 31.

Blueblood personally knows City 31’s Police Department’s Commissioner Maloof, and even seems to be on friendly terms with her, calling her by her first name, Halia.

Blueblood is seemingly concerned that Terminal seems to be far too eager to put herself into danger. According to her, it’s just that she understands the concept of ”acceptable risk”. Blueblood fears it’s a “death wish“.

Blueblood states that he would not shoot any of his teammates, not even with training purposes, after being asked by Cherub. He instead suggests him to use the ballistic mannequins they already possess.

Blueblood states that Godmother reminds him of his mother, in that she lead his whole family without ever taking charge herself, always pushing them enough to reach their potential. Godmother claims that Blueblood has exceeded his.

Blueblood’s mother passed away back in 2014 due to cancer, and the former claims that “this time of year” always hits him due to it (presumably somewhere between March and May). That said, he’s glad she never got to live to witness the invasion.

On this note, Shelter feels the need to comfort him after noticing something was wrong. Blueblood appreciates this.

Blueblood states that his father used to love heist movies, and the two of them watched them together.

According to Blueblood, ADVENT’s soldiers helmets are “stupid”.

Shelter - Chile, 36 years old

Shelter lived in a big family, but got separated from them during the 2015 invasion.

He was found and experimented on by ADVENT after discovering he had latent psionic potential, forcing him to kill and torture “criminals“ with his abilities. This affected him to the point of crying. He managed to escape from them afterwards.

Shelter is a proud farmer. He was taken in by the Resistance thanks to these skills, and in his locker he keeps a picture of a younger self standing in front of plentiful crops, as well as posters promoting new “delicious and nutritious” breeds of vegetables.

Shelter seems to enjoy chilli, as he was joyed to have some upon his arrival.

Shelter doesn’t like to read other’s minds, as evidenced by Cherub playfully asking him to read his, with Shelter claiming that he “would never” do so.

Shelter knew to some capacity of the Progeny’s leader, Violet. Upon his escape, he psionically contacted her during the event, but then lost connection. Presumably, she was yet to lose her mind due to ADVENT’s experimentations on her. He refers to this connection of emotions as a sort of “poem”.

Shelter is very fond of his squadmates, complimenting them whenever the chance is available, as well as exclaiming against enemies that he won’t allow them to hurt his friends.

Claymore seems to hate it whenever Shelter switches their positions with Relocate, as it makes him feel “queasy”. Blueblood similarly thinks it’s “freaky”. Cherub, on the other hand, consider it to be “so fun”.

According to himself, Shelter doesn’t like banks.

Shelter doesn’t understand why their enemies, in particular members of the Gray Phoenix faction, would be willing to die for their causes.

According to himself, Shelter’s teeth itch, or otherwise rattle, whenever there’s high spikes of power or energy. It’s unknown if this is normal in other human psions.

It would appear that Shelter has a crush on Zephyr, as the latter noticed his face turned red whenever she was around (which she mistook for anger). After discovering this, Zephyr does not seem to be visibly upset, but perhaps surprised, to which Shelter reacts with embarrassment.

Zephyr - Australia, 33 years old

Zephyr is not a clone unlike many former ADVENT soldiers. She presumably was amongst the first humans to be turned into hybrids and then brainwashed to follow the ADVENT regime, presumably similar to Sacred Coil leader Bellus Mar, off whom Cherub was cloned from. It is not known, however, if Zephyr was cloned at any point.

After being liberated the the Skirmishers faction, she joined their ranks and operated near City 31.

Zephyr seemingly does not want hammocks in HQ as per Patchwork’s desire to improve the place. Apparently, there was a mishap regarding this in the past.

According to herself, it seems Zephyr has “always wished” to go bowling.

At least visibly, Zephyr seems to not be too fond of Cherub, as she’s seen referring to him as “knock-off” on occasion.

According to Zephyr, “punch-a-bastard-in-the-face” day is a “roving holiday”, which she enjoys to celebrate.

Zephyr seems to refer to Patchwork as a “nerd”, as she stood by her words whenever the latter was offended by Zephyr’s accusation towards computer-savvy Gray Phoenix members.

Zephyr believes that she has no place in the Skirmishers (or anywhere)  anymore as it began accepting more clones, and due to the fact of her not knowing of her own past as a human. Claymore expresses his profound disagreement, and even though Zephyr states it’s not as simple, she appreciates the words.

[nicememerino]

Read Chapter 4 of not an experiment on AO3 or under the cut! thanks for reading.

Steve went and knocked on the Byers’ door and waited maybe 30 seconds before an excited El swung it open and threw her arms around Steve, engulfing him in a hug.

“Hey, El. Where’s Joyce?” He asked as he stepped into the house. El shut the door behind him and pointed down the hall. 

When the Byers moved they decided it was probably best to stay close to Hawkins, they had gotten a pretty good-sized house right outside of town with the hush money the government provided. The house was close enough that Will was able to stay at school with his friends and Joyce could keep her job.

“Mrs. Byers! I’m here!” He called out towards her room. She quickly came out of her bedroom as she finished buttoning up her Melvalds vest. 

“Thank you so much for staying with her Steve. I should be home around 5, are you still picking the boys up from school?” She asked as she ran around the living room collecting her things and kissing El on the forehead as a goodbye. 

“Yep! I’ll get Will back here in one piece. Be safe Mrs. Byers!” He called out after her as she ran out the door. As the door closed, he turned and glanced over the room. 

This house was bigger than the old one but it was still homey and comfortable. On the walls there were pictures of Jonathan and Will as kids, some of El scattered throughout but in reality, they hadn’t been able to document her existence until recently when the government finally gave them the okay. Since then, Jonathan had decided to take plenty of pictures of her, making sure she knew that she was a part of the family just as much as he and Will were. 

Everyone in the house had their own room, the kitchen was large, there was a separate dining room, and Steve bet that they could probably fit at least three couches in the living room. Joyce had argued that they only needed two.

 Steve turned his attention towards El and shrugged. He had always been close with the kids but he and El never really had a chance to get to know each other until she moved into the Byers house and started homeschool. He knew more about where she came from than he did about her but he still tried, it was just hard with both of them not knowing how to act around each other. It wasn’t until he started babysitting for Joyce that he had learned anything personal about her, it started with El showing Steve all her scrunchies, her favorite one that Max had given her, the first one she ever bought, the one that Mike gave her for her birthday.

El’s birthday was celebrated intensely, Steve came to find out. All the kids always went way out and tried to make the craziest parties for her. She had only had two birthdays since she had escaped the lab, but everyone always tried to make them special for her. Since the only people who knew her real birthday was the government and maybe Brenner, the kids decided they would celebrate it on the day she had shown up. 

Steve learned everything he could ever want to know about El after all the time he spent babysitting her. Of course, she had school work to do but after the first few weeks, they established a routine. Steve would get there, say bye to Mrs. Byers, listen to El talk about whatever she wanted for about 30 minutes, then she would hop into her school work for the day. Once El ran out of things to talk about and didn’t have anything particularly interesting to share, she started talking to Steve while she did her work. It turns out she’s a better multitasker than most of the kids.

When Joyce wasn’t there with her somebody else typically was just to make sure she was doing her work. The plan had been for her to catch up as quickly as she could then for Hopper to enroll her into Hawkins High when the time came, but now Hop was gone and El wasn’t exactly ready to be a freshman. 

“So are you still working on 7th-grade math or have you moved up since I last saw you?” Steve asked as he pulled out a chair from the kitchen table. It had only been a week since he had last babysat but El was surprisingly good with math and moved quickly. She was maybe even better than the other Gremlins.

 “I’m almost done with 7th grade. Joyce said I might be able to go to school with Will next year!” El explained as she grabbed her most recent worksheets from the desk in the corner. She spread them out on the table and took the seat next to Steve.

“That’s great kiddo! Do you need help with any of it?” Steve asked. Most of the time if she got stuck she’d come to him on her own, but there had been few occasions where Steve had found her with tears of frustration coming out of her eyes because there were some problems she just couldn’t quite grasp. 

El shook her head and looked up at Steve, “Do you?” She asked him. El had also started asking Steve questions about his personal life, which he didn’t mind, but most stuff that goes on in his life wasn’t exactly exciting.

“Do I what?” Steve questioned back. Of course, he didn’t need help with 7th-grade math, he was the one teaching her, not the other way around.

“Need help. You’re confused” She said matter-of-factly. Steve groaned and shook his head since they had gotten closer El had lost all ideas of boundaries when it came to looking into Steve’s head or asking questions about anything going on. It wasn’t fun when she had come out of Jonathan’s room one day with a dirty magazine and asked Steve why some of the girls weren’t wearing shirts.

“What is with you kids and being in my head. No El, I don’t think you can help me with what I’ve got going on.” Steve answered as calmly as he could. Between wanting to see Billy, Dustin basically coming out to him, Robin telling him he needs more friends, and him being the resident babysitter, Steve had his hands full.

“I can try,” El stated. She sat her pencil down and focused completely on Steve. He rolled his eyes and nudged her.

“You’re just trying to get out of having to do your work. But I’ll humor you.” Steve said as he leaned back as far as he could in the wooden dining chair, he saw El’s face light up out of the corner of his eye.

“Robin thinks I need more friends, and I want to be friends with this one guy, but I don’t think he likes me very much,” Steve explained. He wasn’t about to spill everything to a 14-year-old, he tried to be as vague as he possibly could considering the circumstances.

“Billy?” She asked. Steve blinked at her, once, twice, three times, before he spoke.

“You in my head again kid?” He asked jokingly. El shook her head and rolled her eyes, a habit she had learned from Mike.

“You like him,” She stated once again with her matter-of-fact tone. Steve groaned for what felt like the millionth time that day. 

“Yeah, I guess. He’s better now. He isn’t trying to beat me up constantly, which is nice. He comes in to rent movies sometimes and he’s smiling” Steve explained. Of course, he liked Billy, he thought he was super cool, he had since he had first shown up in Hawkins.

“You want him to be your boyfriend,” El said. She then picked up her pencil and looked back at her paper as if she hadn’t said anything strange at all. 

“What? El no. I don't want Billy to be my boyfriend. That’s crazy. Insane. I mean he tried to beat me up! You weren’t here for that but he could have killed me!” Steve said, trying to convince himself more than El. She shrugged and started working on her paper.

“Jonathan said it’s okay,” El informed Steve. Of course, he knew what she was talking about but he really didn’t want to have this conversation with another 14 years old. He should at least talk to Robin about it first before he involved all of the Gremlins. Steve sighed and rubbed a hand over his face wishing his life was easier.

“I know it’s okay El, but lots of people think it’s really not okay. Billy is probably one of those people” 

 El looked up from her paper at her babysitter, “Max said he is better. He isn’t mean to her anymore. He talks to her.” El said looking into Steve’s eyes. “Maybe he won’t be mean to you” She suggested. It was probably the best words any of the Gremlins had ever said to him but he didn’t want to inflate El’s ego so he changed the subject to breakfast which quickly got her mind off of Steve’s boy problems.

 When it came time to go get Will and Dustin, Steve asked El if she wanted to ride with him. As far as people in Hawkin’s knew, El was Will and Jonathan’s cousin Elenor whose mom had recently passed. That was the story they had stuck to ever since El had been able to go out and people had started asking questions, but Joyce had still tried to keep her away from people that might go poking where their noses didn’t belong. El still left the house at any chance she got, today being no exception.

 The two pulled up in the high school parking lot and sat for a few minutes before the final bell rang and students started pouring out into the parking lot. Before they saw any of the Gremlins, El spotted the exact person Steve was hoping to avoid, El hit Steve’s arm and pointed to the blonde. Steve quickly pushed her hand down and reminded her it was rude to point.

“Go talk,” She told Steve. Before he could protest, he looked up and made eye contact with the younger boy. 

Billy was wearing a tight pair of jeans, his regular black boots, and the tightest black shirt he had ever seen on a boy. It held onto his biceps like the shirt was clinging for dear life, Steve didn’t even want to think about how good Billy would look if somebody dumped water on him right now. 

The brunet was quickly pulled out of his fantasy when El pinched his arm.

“You’re gonna pay for this when we get home,” Steve told her as he watched Billy walk towards the car.

“Hey pretty boy, didn’t expect to see you here,” He said casually as Steve stepped out of the car.

“Yeah yeah don’t cream your pants” Steve replied as he tried to hide his smile. From inside the car, he heard a quiet hum of confusion. Billy had heard it too because before Steve could say anything the blonde looked into his rolled down window and came face to face with El.

“Oh shit,” Billy said as he jumped back. He hadn’t expected another person to be in the car with Steve.

“Billy, this is-” Steve started before he was rudely interrupted.

“El!” Max yelled as she ran up to the car. She quickly pushed Steve out of the way and hopped in the car to talk to her best friend. Billy laughed as he pulled out a pack of cigarettes from his shirt pocket. How they hadn’t become crushed against his pecs, Steve would never know.

“You let all the shitheads push you around like that?” Billy asked as he lit the item in his hand. Steve chuckled and glanced into the car to check on El.

“Nah, but they don’t get to see her a lot so it’s understandable,” Steve explained. Billy nodded and offered Steve a drag of his cigarette.

“I’ve met her before. Just so you know,” Billy said as Steve plucked the cig out of his hand.

Steve raised an eyebrow before taking a drag. “Really?” Steve asked. As far as he knew, El’s contact with the outside world was super limited, there was no reason for her to have ever met Billy.

“Well, more than once. But only once as me.” Billy said. Steve didn’t have to ask what he meant by that. 

 After Starcourt happened and everyone had started to heal Steve had finally gotten the courage to ask what happened to Billy and the munchkins had explained the whole flayer incident in detail, including the sauna story. Steve still didn’t like to bring it up but Billy mentioned it as if it was as normal as asking about the weather. Steve was gonna ask where he and El had met but before he had a chance the rest of the kids had come running to the car.

“Steve!” Lucas had shouted. He ran up to give him a high five but he spotted Billy, he decided against getting too close and just gave Steve a quick nod before going around to the other side of the car where El had her window rolled down. Steve heard Billy audibly sigh from beside him and suddenly Steve wondered if he had ever apologized for what had happened that night. 

“We should get pizza and go back to Will’s to start the campaign!” Dustin yelled. All of the kids shouted in agreeance as they started to pile into Steve’s car. He and Billy were standing next to the driver's side door. Will had looked over at the two and gave them a weird look before sliding into the backseat.

“Looks like I have to get them all pizza and watch them play the game for the rest of the night. You want to come hang out and make my life a bit more bearable?” Steve asked before he could even process what he was offering. 

Billy gave him a smirk and stole the cigarette back from him, “I’ll meet you there?” He asked as he licked his lips before he took a long drag off the stick. Steve was mesmerized but was quickly shaken out of his trance by El tugging on his shirt sleeve.

“Yeah, you know where Will lives?” Steve asked as he watched Billy get into his newly fixed Camaro. Steve hadn’t even noticed it parked a few cars down. Max quickly took the hint and got out of Steve’s car and headed to get into Billy's.

“We’ll find out won’t we princess?” Billy said as he pulled off leaving Steve slightly mesmerized.

 On the way home everyone kept asking Steve about Billy and what was going on between the two boys.

“I saw you guys sharing a cigarette. I might be 14 but I know that’s not something normal people do” Lucas said as they pulled out of the pizza hut drive-thru. Steve rolled his eyes and continued to ignore their questions until Mike said something that pissed him off.

“My mom said that you’ll get aids if two guys share saliva” Mike, of course, meant nothing by it, he knew what aids were and what his mom really meant. He wasn’t even trying to be an asshole, it was just one of those comments you let slip and then realize what it means the second it comes out of your mouth.

Steve huffed and replied with, “Yeah well your mom was trying to fuck Billy last summer so I’m not sure what she considers worse, being gay or a predator” 

All the kids had gotten quiet when they heard that, mostly because nobody knew about it except a select few people, and Steve wasn’t supposed to be one of them. He honestly didn’t know how true it was, Heather had come into Scoops that summer and he had overheard her telling the story to her friends and in all honesty, Mrs. Wheeler was kind of a creep, so he wouldn’t put it past her.

The kids all made a noise that Steve could only describe as disgusted as he continued towards the house. Steve regretted saying anything about the incident but he wasn’t gonna let the kids think he tolerated people saying stuff like that. He almost made Dustin walk to school that morning because of a slur, there was no way he was gonna let the kids think he condoned Mike’s mom’s behavior just because she was an adult.

“Mike, your mom is a cougar,” Dustin had said quietly before the car erupted with laughter and moans of protest from Mike.

[shastelly]

Memories - March Klance Prompts from Monthly Klance Day 11

This is me, a few days behind now :)

"Oh my…Pidge!  It should totally be illegal to be that cute!"  Hunk gushed as the image of Pidge as a toddler gnawing on a calculator played across their mind meld.  

 "I know."  Pidge grinned wickedly.  "That was Matt's calculator."

 "That was wonderful, now your turn Hunk."  Allura directed.  Replacing the little gremlin with giant eyes and plastic green glasses was a dark toned little man dressed in brightly floral swim trunks.

 "Awww!"  Lance cooed. "Hunk, it's so much better than your picture album."

 Hunk had sprained his ankle early in the training session.  He'd come down wrong dodging a hit from the gladiator.  Coran had put some cream on it, wrapped it in something that looked like seaweed and said that by tomorrow morning it would be fine, but that he should elevate it and stay off it as much as possible.  Shiro and Allura had decided that made for a perfect opportunity for some team bonding training.

 Lance had whined about how boring that was and Allura had snapped at him to come up with something better.  So, smiling like he'd planned it all along, he suggested that instead of forming Voltron in their minds over and over that they get to know each other better.  

 Shiro had nodded and told Allura he thought it was a good idea, that knowing more about each other would make them closer as a team.  Hunk had smiled, Pidge had groaned, and Keith had frowned and crossed his arms.  Allura had asked that since they were not forming Voltron, maybe she could join them for the exercise.  Shiro had readily agreed.  It was a great opportunity for Allura to understand more about her human paladins.

 Allura had suggested that they each have a turn to pick a topic and then each share something.  Shiro had let Lance go first since it was his idea.  Lance had chosen an easy topic of share a happy memory.

 Lance went first and they were immersed in the smells and sounds of his brother's wedding. There were so many people and tons of food and Lance was laughing and dancing and blushing from a kiss on the cheek from his new sister-in-law and then finally the memory faded with Lance dancing with his mother.  Hunk gushed and Pidge called him a big sap.

 Hunk had shown himself with his mom and aunt in the kitchen making dinner.  His aunt put flour in his mom's hair and batter on Hunk's nose.  Later Hunk had distracted his aunt while his mom snuck up and stuck an ice cube down her back.  There was a lot of laughing and it was clear how happy they all were.

 Pidge shared a family outing to a science museum.  Her and Matt climbing some kind of dinosaur thing, which may or may not have been allowed, her hair standing on end holding a static generator of some kind, her dad happily explaining why the explanation on one of the plaques was wrong, and her mom brushing her hair out of her face as she fell asleep almost as soon as she was buckled into the car.

 Keith had shared a memory of him and Shiro riding hover bikes across the desert. The wind whipping around them, both sailing off a cliff in perfect sync and jetting off across a plain as fast as they could go.  Then they were eating pizza in a little restaurant and laughing about the day. Shiro had looked so pleased to be a part of Keith's happy memory.

 Allura then shared on of her own.  She was at a dance of some sort and there were hundreds of people in the castle. She looked lovely as always.  She was walking around talking with people and smiling and seemed to be having a good time, when King Alfor surprised her and led her out on the dance floor, the memory faded with them spinning around dancing.

 Shiro's memory was next.  He was a small boy sitting on an older woman's lap.  She was working on repotting a little tree.  She guided Shiro's hands as they moved the tree and added handfuls of rich soil around it.  Then together patted around the tree securing it in the pot.  The smells of soil and the plants filled the memory.

 Pidge picked next saying that little boy Shiro was so cute they needed to do baby pictures, which is where they found themselves now.  

 Shiro's baby memory was an even younger version of himself wearing a stained white t-shirt and a diaper.  He was barefoot and toddling along behind a woman in a faded yellow dress.  

 "Shiro, is that your mom?"  Keith asked.

 "Yes, she loved to let me play outside.  She said the fresh air would make me grow faster."  He chuckled a little.  "I'm not sure that she ever got used to how dirty I managed to get though."

 "Eh, my mom said eating a little dirt never hurt anyone."  Lance offered.

 "Well, if you're the example we might have evidence to the contrary." Pidge teased.

 "Please, my mud pies were delicious."  Lance then shared his memory of himself covered head to toe in mud being dipped into a five-gallon bucket of water by his older sister.  

 Pidge about fell over laughing, "Of course, your first mud mask."  Lance elbowed her.  "Fine.  Allura show us you.  I bet you were a cuter baby than Lance."  She elbowed Lance back.

 "Oh, mabye not."  Allura grinned.  The image of a little girl covered in some sort of reddish-purple goo appeared.  You couldn't even tell what color her hair was, but she was laughing and had the jar of whatever in her hands licking it with her tongue and smiling.  "It took over a month for the berries to wash all the way out of my hair, it was stained pink.  Mother thought she was going to have to cut it, she was so mad at me."  

 "I stand corrected."  Pidge pushed her glasses up.

 "Keith?"  Shiro asked raising an eyebrow.  

 Keith blushed but the image came up anyway.  A tiny little boy in diapers with a plastic firefighter’s hat on.  His eyes were too big for his face and his skin was pale.  In short, he was adorable.

 "Oh, come on!  Seriously, Keith do you have to be the best at everything.  I mean, you just had to be the cutest baby."  Lance huffed gesturing broadly at the image.

 "I'm sorry?"  Keith looked confused and the rest of them laugh.

 "I'm not sure Keith can help this, Lance."  Hunk laughed.  

 Lance crossed his arms and pouted.  

 "Who's next?"  Shiro asked.

 "I can go."  Hunk offered. "How about favorite food?"

 He pictured his mom serving him what a roll from a pan fresh out of the oven, the smell of coconut wafted through them all as she flipped it over onto a plate revealing the white coconut milk sauce.

 "Panipopo," Hunk practically drooled.

 "Good choice,” Lance also looked longingly at the roll.  

 "Okay, I can get behind this."  Pidge grinned and showed her Dad pulling a pan of fresh peanut butter cookies out of the oven.  She'd grabbed one and tossed it from hand to hand until it cooled enough to hold and then had taken a bite, holding her mouth open as it was still warm enough to burn.

 Keith laughed, "If you want burn."  His memory showed a huge pot of chili on a stove.  There were several over men all getting bowlfuls.  Keith stood on a stool stirring the pot, a wicked grin on his face and a can of hot peppers behind his back.  At the first sound of distress he laughed and ran out of the door.  He sat by a large red firetruck and opened the jar of hot peppers, pulling an orange one out he happily put it in his mouth and chewed enjoying every minute of the burning feeling.

 "Keith, spicy is good, but it needs to have flavor too!"  Lance admonished.  His memory was of some kind of stew served from a large pot, he'd taken his bowl to a table and poured in almost half a bottle of Tabasco before taking a huge bite.

 "Lance, we've talked about your Tabasco problem."  Hunk shook his head sadly.  Lance laughed.

 "Shiro, what about you?  Spicy? Sweet?"  Lance asked.

 "Um, neither, I have more of a junk food problem."  Shiro's memory was a pizza parlor with a huge slice of pizza covered in more toppings than could be identified.  He got sauce all down the front of his shirt when he bit into it. The sound of someone laughing filled the background.

 "Okay, Allura, what's your favorite."  Shiro smiled at her.

 "Oh. Yembrem."  She concentrated and the image was of a bowl of purple blobs wiggling around in a bowl.

 "Are they moving?"  Lance asked in horror.

 "Oh yes, I loved the way they wiggled when you swallowed them."  Allura giggled.  "It tickles."  Hunk turned a slight shade of green.

 "Who's next?"  Allura asked. "And this time pick something more specific.  I want to see you work harder to pinpoint a memory with the devices."

 "Why don't you pick one, Allura?"  Shiro offered.

 "No, go ahead Shiro."  Allura offered.  "Do humans have holidays or celebrations?"

 "Sure, several, but we might not all celebrate the same ones."  Shiro answered.

 "We all have birthdays?"  Pidge offered.

 "Okay, a birthday."  Shiro said.

 "Make it more specific if you can?"  Allura requested.  "A specific year?"

 "OH, how about 10, I got a new chef's coat that year."  Hunk was saying as Shiro's eyes widened and he was shaking his head no, but it was too late.  They all felt the sorrow hit them like they'd been punched in the gut.  

 "Keith?"  Shiro asked concern pouring from his body.

 The red paladin sat with hands clenched into fists and his eyes tightly closed.  The image in their mind was of young Keith dressed in a black suit.  His face was pale, and his eyes were wide and filled with unshed tears.   People were walking by shaking his hand.  There were flowers in the background.  He was shaking.  He looked back over his shoulder at the casket laid under a bed of roses.  It was closed, but there was a large picture of his father in front of it.  Keith threw the headband across the floor and ran out of the room.

 "Fuck."  Pidge wiped a tear.

 "On his birthday?"  Hunk asked horror on his face.

 "The funeral was on his birthday; his father died a few days before." Shiro explained with a deep sigh.

 Lance stood and slipped his head set off before turning to leave.

 "Lance, where are you going?"  Allura frowned, this was not the time to pick at the red paladin and Lance and Keith only seemed to do that to each other.

 "This was my idea."  He shrugged. "I just…I'm going to go find him."  He walked away leaving Allura looking confused.  The other three exchanged a wondering glance, but let it go as soon as Allura turned their way.

 "Keith?"  Lance knocked at the door.  "Um, can I come in?"  The door slid open, so Lance took that as an invite.  Keith was sitting in the dark on his bed.  "I just wanted to say I was sorry; this whole memory thing was my idea."

 Keith didn't answer.  Lance shifted nervously, "I…um…I…"

 "Just sit down."  Keith gestured, his voice sounding rough.  "You're making me nervous standing there."

 "Oh, okay."  Lance sat next to Keith.

 "Why'd you follow me?"  Keith asked looking up finally.  Lance could see the red puffiness around his eyes and knew he'd been crying.

 "I felt bad and wanted to apologize."  Lance signed.  "I didn't mean for anyone to get upset or hurt."

 "It's not your fault.  It was an accident that it even came up."  Keith shrugged.  "And it's not like the memory isn't there anyway and that sure as hell isn't your fault."

 "I know. I guess, I just wanted to check on you?"  Lance offered.

 "I'm here."  Keith snarked.

 "Okay, well, just one more thing."  Lance turned and quickly wrapped his arms around Keith and pulled him into a hug.  "I'm really sorry that happened to you." He whispered into Keith's hair and then he was up and out the door before Keith could even react.

 Keith sat on the bed, his face flaming with a blush, feeling the warmth where Lance had been pressed against him and wondering what, if anything, that meant.

[funky-boat-zone]

the lighthouse chronicles: part 1/??

it begins. strap yourselves in, grab the nearest guardrail, do whatever, because we’re in for a wild ride.

mixed signals

technically this is episode 2, but the playlist lists it first. shout-out to the poor soul who documented this show in the first place.

those first few notes to the intro invoke my fight-or-flight response by now.

i can’t remember the episode, but i swear that one episode of the cartoon segments got the seagull twins’ names mixed up. or maybe i’m the one who forgot, i tend to block out most of the cartoon segments.

i’m gonna just say it: i don’t necessarily hate that sunshine’s a girl and ten cents’ sister in this universe. what annoys me is that the voice her va’s using ranges from “eh, kinda cute” to “nails on a chalkboard”.

zug sounds like some kind of sniveling little cave gremlin.. okay, he kind of does in tugs too, but i mean in a different way than he does in the original show.

“now zorran’s gonna stick his big smokestack in and ruin everything!” aside from the many jokes i could make about that line, that doesn’t even make a lot of sense as the boat equivalent of an existing term? his stack’s not going anywhere, just say “stick his bow in” or something (i’ve hit a new low by critiquing how boats use language in salty’s lighthouse, lmao)

top hat is carrying these segments tbh. and by that i mean his characterization is consistently the closest to the original show, even if he’s a little watered down.

i don’t know if i trust this universe’s billy with explosives.

it looks like the characters in-universe don’t trust him either, they just bash the tanker apart instead of using explosives. 

zorran acting like he knows what he’s doing, mistreating/screwing over zug and ten cents, and being the one in trouble at the end is probably the closest he gets to being in-character for this series.

the animation for the musical numbers just black-and-white public domain stock footage with some colorful effects shoddily animated in.

too young to be included

that’s one long-winded title.

the seagulls are “too young”? they’re old enough to at least have all their feathers and learn to fly..

“it won’t be the first time i blown my stack.” top hat. all terrible jokes i could make aside, ten cents was talking about hats. pay attention.

the effect on captain star’s voice seems really off for some reason.. it’s like something wrong with the layering/pitch?

whenever the boats sing, i always skip those few seconds out of secondhand embarrassment. it’s painful to listen to them in full. 

“small tug, big heart.” i know that’s a metaphor, but i hate when this show accidentally implies that these boats might have human organs.

there is 0 (none) attempt at editing the footage to look like these episodes are all taking place in the same day/at roughly the same time.

hercules sounds like a surfer dude. 

where the fuck did zebedee- zb come from? the editors couldn’t find a way to cut him out of the episode? he leaves right after, and he doesn’t even get any lines outside of the narration!

“no more looking down on us!” the larger vessels literally have no choice but to do that unless they’re smaller than you.

taking off

zb sounds like the kid on the playground who wants to scam me out of my pokemon cards, which is impressive because i’ve never met anyone like that and yet i can imagine it perfectly.

the fact that sunshine is smiling as she’s warning zb about his barges coming loose makes it look like she’s delighting in his suffering.

little ditcher doesn’t even get named? can’t believe they would disrespect him this way

zero only appears a few times in the original series, so any time he appears in this show and actually speaks gives me whiplash.

the fuck are you talking about, aunt chovie? zb didn’t learn to ask for help, all he learned was to help others when he helped ten cents and sunshine. you could argue that he learned to ask by proxy, but as far as i’m concerned, he didn’t learn shit.

let’s party

i mistook barry harman’s name in the credits for butch hartman’s and thought i was having a stroke.

honest question: do people actually celebrate watercrafts’ birthdays? 

“ring around lillie lightship”: imagine just doing your job when a bunch of tugs show up out of nowhere and start circling around you, all while singing a song that urban legend claims is about the plague. i’d be terrified

this is petty, but i partially blame this show for the misconception that grampus is an old man.

i do not like the voice lillie’s va is using. i get that they’re trying to make her sound flirty, but she does this with every single line regardless of the situation/context. 

oh, and they made the coast guard and his messenger a single character.. even though they don’t look that much alike besides being small vessels who are part of port authority.

“but what about the party?” sunshine. cappy literally just told you and your fleet that lillie is in danger of sinking, get your priorities in order ffs

why does ten cents suddenly have a bell instead of a whistle/horn? unless it’s just a generic sound effect, but based on otis blowing his horn/whistle before him i would’ve guessed that it’s this series’ equivalent to his whistle..

anyway. fireworks, hooray, lillie’s at the party with her light on despite the fact that she doesn’t have much of a reason to be there, but good for her

[morethannotenough]

Here we are

Well, I did it! I hit my goal, I got my money! I am (was) officially down 70 lbs from when I first started all of this! Yaaay! I feel you celebrating with me. That (was) must mean that I’ve lost even more since then! After all, my deadline was May 23rd, and that’s been two weeks ago!

To be honest, I don’t know where I stand on the scale right now. I haven’t been on it since my last weigh-in. I didn’t go down the right path to lose the weight and I picked up my binging right where I left off, literally minutes after that weigh-in. Now, I knew that was going to happen. I gave myself permission (and had encouragement from my dietitian, more on that later) to say “yes” to whatever I wanted after restricting and saying no to so many things for such a long time before that. My plan was to let myself have as much of whatever I wanted for the entirety of Memorial Day weekend. And I followed that plan to a “t”. (What does that phrase even mean?)

Then the Tuesday after Memorial Day weekend came. It was the first day that I had the house completely to myself while working from home and had no restrictions on my food. I decided to take that day as well and give myself permission to enjoy that solitude knowing that I would have indulged to the full extent this whole time if I hadn’t started working on the weight loss before the quarantine happened. I continued that on Wednesday, and Thursday, and Friday, and then it was the weekend again. And then it was a Monday, ugh. I needed some carbs to get me through a Monday.

You get the gist.

Something weird happened though. As much as I was enjoying being able to say “yes” to all of these foods... I kind of missed my workouts, and the feeling of accomplishment I had become so use to before. My gremlin had taken full control again and was making it difficult to say no to anything. Had it not been for the help I had in my corner, I have a feeling all 70 lbs I lost would have come right back by my birthday in August if not sooner.

I had a meeting with my therapist the week after I hit my goal. I told her about my dietitian, and she agreed it was a good idea to get that kind of help too. We’re going to start something called EDMR therapy next week. She said it has really helped a colleague of hers lose 60-70 lbs because it gets to the bottom of some of the negative self-beliefs you have and helps to eradicate them from what I understand. I’m very excited to try it. 

Then I had a meeting with my dietitian last week. I just love her, she gives me so much hope. I told her that I had extended my “yes” weekend, but was feeling ready to get back to something a little bit more structured. Not restrictive, structured. She said that was a great step even though I hadn’t actually taken it yet, and provided me with some loosely structured meal plan templates and some snack/meal ideas. We’re also going to start working on the foods/textures and I don’t like and see if we can expand my menu options a little bit. I’m equally excited and not excited about that part. lol

I do feel like this is progress. Before, after losing the weight, I would fall back into old habits and not care at all about going any further with it. I’ve already made small changes and tried to make better, not necessarily great, but better decisions after talking to my dietitian. I got up this morning and started my couch to 5k workout program, then took Sammy for a walk, and now I’m waiting for my printer to stop being dumb so I can print out these meal plan templates and make a grocery run. 

I really hope this isn’t my last entry. I really hope I’m able to keep things going this time. I think with my therapist and now my dietitian and the fact that I still want to keep going and I have actual, tangible goals... I think this may actually be the time that I do it. Once again, time will tell!

[rlcsayshi-blog]

Lessons Learned This Month.

So, things have not gone as planned.

I had planned for this month to be a learning experience. I would learn to find writing time in the little spots between work and home. I would learn to overcome my anxiety on my own, without medication for the first time in six months, by finding relief and calm in the act of writing. I would learn to put all the lessons I’d learned in earning my brand-new B.A. to good use by pushing through and making an honest showing for National Novel Writing Month, even if I knew I had slim chances at winning.

…Yeah, none of those things happened.

Even on the days I bring my laptop to work for writing on my breaks, it doesn’t happen. While I have been pushing through my anxiety, I haven’t learned how to use writing as a tool against it. I have been celebrating and contemplating my degree quite a bit, but I haven’t been able to put lessons into practice, and my word count remains below two thousand, with just over a week to go to accumulate the other 48K.

I have learned other lessons, however! And I’d love to go over them one by one—what a great blog post that would be—but they really only boil down to a big one.

I have learned to be okay.

Okay with not meeting goals. Okay with realizing my goals were too big, too unrealistic. Okay with making those mistakes. Okay with putting writing second in order to get some much-needed rest. Okay with rearranging priorities on the fly. Okay with accepting temporary circumstances and knowing they won’t last forever.

The thing is, I’m working a job that gets insane at this time of year. People who have known me for a while may say: but I thought you quit Starbucks? I did! But now I work at a General Agent for insurance, as a Case Advocate Assistant, which is a fancy term for someone who does data entry and processing for the underwriters, who, at a General Agent, are helping brokers from multiple companies enroll people and companies with multiple carriers. The Affordable Care Act means a lot of the insurance industry now revolves around January 1st, meaning Fourth Quarter—September through December—is quantifiably insane. I could try and describe the amount of work, but it would be in terms and numbers that don’t make any sense outside of my job, but suffice to say: ohmygod.

And they warned us, upon hiring, that overtime was a Thing. Not discouraged, but encouraged. Not just encouraged, required. Ten hours a week, minimum, once it starts to hit. And boy has it hit. My fellow Assistants and I are pulling anything from 10 to 12 hour days, six days a week, and those numbers look like they might be going up as we enter December. Deadlines loom, and the pressure is everywhere.

So, work weeks that average over fifty—check.

A toddler that I’m in charge of bringing to and from school multiple days a week—check.

A husband who is entering the last push of the first term of his doctoral program—check.

A work day that starts at 7:30 AM at the latest but more often between 5 and 6—check.

A work day that ends at 5 at the earliest and a commute that’s 30 minutes home at its best—check.

A head and chest cold that ransacked our house and kept us from school and/or work multiple days—checkarooni.

…Looking back, I didn’t stand a chance.

But that’s okay.

As I stated above, the biggest lesson I learned was how to be okay. I did accomplish one goal this month, and that was learning to live with and handle my anxiety. I have done that in a big, big way. My husband—an honest to god psychologist—is astounded by how well I’m doing. He had expected multiple break downs, multiple panic attacks, multiple instances of his wife doing what can only be described as losing her shit and repeating one of her anxiety’s favorite phrases: I can’t do it, I can’t do it, I just can’t do it.

I haven’t said that once this month. Not once.

Oh, I’ve had a few Moments, but those were more small temper tantrums than panic attacks or freak outs. And they usually happened in the middle of that unhappy Venn diagram involving hours I’d been awake, hours since I’d eaten something real, and hours since I’d had some form of caffeine. In other words, I’d earned them.

I still have anxious thoughts. I still worry that my coworkers suddenly think I’m really annoying. I still worry that I’ll get home and my husband will be pissed off that I made some small mistake. I still worry that I’m not being a good enough mom, or wife, or friend, or daughter, or worker, or human being. I worry and I ruminate and I stress out. Plllllllllllenty.

But I try to remember the best epiphany I’ve had in months, if not years, and this one thing has gotten my through so many bad moments:

Anxiety is a liar.

A big, bald, bold-faced, preposterous, charming, snake-oil-salesman of a liar.

Nothing anxiety tells me is true. I can try to convince myself—or rather, it can try to convince me—that there are grains of truth, but really: no. I need to calm down. It needs to shut up.

I remind myself that anxiety is a big fat fucking liar, and I keep going about my day instead of stopping in my tracks, paralyzed with indecision and worry. And soon anxiety gives up with that particular lie, and I feel better.

In case anyone is thinking that I’m about to go around touting this lesson as a Miracle, the Easy Way Through Anxiety, Hey Everyone I’ve Found The Secret I’ve Fixed The Problem Just Do This And You’ll Be Fine: No. NO. No no no no no. It took me years to come to this realization, and I’m still fighting it on a daily basis, and I know for a stone cold fact that if someone had said it to my face a decade ago, a year ago, three months ago, it wouldn’t have gotten through. No way, no how, the gremlin in my head would have thrown itself in front of that idea like it was a grenade and consumed it whole.

But: I got there on my own, and it’s working for me right now.

One of the biggest lies the gremlin in my head tries to tell me is that Whatever I’m Feeling Right Now Is All I’m Going To Feel Forever. This Moment Is Never Going To End. You’re Living This Emotion Forever. And when you’re feeling guilty, or stressed, or sad, or angry, that thought is so toxic and insidious, and it makes it so hard to push through the feeling and deal with it and move on. Learning to accept the moment where I have to give up writing time for sleep or working early, where I realize I miscalculated and I’m going to be late getting home to help with dinner, where five more groups come in to work on when I already have four waiting at various stages….that’s been huge.

Learning that not being able to be the writer I want to be this month does not mean I am never going to be that writer: huge.

And on that note, I need to wrap this up so I can get my toddler up and ready for school, then go in and work nine hours, then come home and celebrate my husband’s birthday. Life doesn’t stop going, and that’s okay.

It’s okay.