#celeb crushes are painful or is it me only lmao

[madame-fear]

Has Eliot been in other shows/movies?

Nope! The second I began crushing on him I checked that and he hasn’t been anywhere else. I do know he voice acted somewhere but for some reason I think the media he voice acted in is unknown for now???

I wish that he participated in more movies/show and at the same time I don’t know if I would be able to tolerate new fangirls, God help me 😭🙏

[lovelykhaleesiii]

I don't know where to start to be honest, I feel a bit ridiculous telling this but, oh, here we go. So the celebrity I like (I don't know if I still like him, you'll understand later😭) got a girlfriend and I'm crushed, yeah, like I've met him and have a chance with him LMAO😭😭 it's embarrassing, the point is I stopped following him on ig lol and deleted my tt account which was flooded with him. Seriously, I swear it doesn't happen to me with every celebrity I like, this is the first time I feel like this, any advice?

wait I might have misunderstood but are you saying you actually met your celeb crush??

listen I mean it’s normal to feel these things towards people in general. I’ve shared this pain with another celeb crush too when I was younger, and it’s devastating. it’s a harmless crush or feeling towards them. I think so long as it stays that way, and you don’t cross that boundary of invasion and privacy or do things to make said person uncomfortable or bad mouth them or their partner, then whatever eases the pain baby. and you’ve only done things on your end for yourself (if that makes sense). It’s such a gut wrenching feeling tho 🤣😭 but life goes on HAHAHA

[sancoeur]

Hear me out, Diana is a world champion figure skater and Akko has a gay crush.

My @lwasanta gift for @kittykittycatcat01 !! Merry Christmas!

Bonus HCs because um ice gays My sister came up with all of these lmao

Diana's mom was an ice dancer

Akko couldn't skate for shit as a kid bc shitty balance but skated like. Every day and any moment possible in order to be somewhat good

Diana also had to practice A LOT. Ppl called her a prodigy but nope she's just persistent. Akko is just stubborn lol it's a little different

Chariot and Croix are skaters but Chariot always got gold during juniors and Croix got butthurt so she quit after Chariot went to seniors

Chariot retired bc she got old. Like yeah she set some records but she just decided to retire like a normal person?? Ends up as Akko's coach and listens to that girl fangirl every damn day except the girl soooo fucking dense lmao

Akko has high performance scores, Diana has high technical ones

Together they try and learn from each other! It doesn't go well but you know!!!!! Eventually!!!

Chariot/NowUrsula had high performance scores too, but also can jump without mcfreaking dying like Akko does

Akko has a gay celeb crush on Diana. 

Diana lowkey has one on Akko too but it isn't really celeb crush bc Akko isn't really a celeb LMAOUHHHH 

Akko is for Japan, Diana has UK, Lotte is Finland ig?? Wherever the heck they're all from

So. Diana wins all the euros, Akko gets a consistent bronze in the 4cc which is. The four continents. (Asia, Australia, North America/South America???? Africa too??? Basically just NOT Europe)

They met at Worlds (bc Akko never gets to gpf,,, like ever) or a gpf qualifier thing,,,, anyways 

They Will Pretend like they don't admire e/o as skaters bc they fucking STUPID and some sort of misunderstanding happens,,,

Diana thinks Akko thinks that she's another arrogant stuck up skater + hates her

Akko thinks Diana thinks that she's just a nobody skater and doesn't know her at all (haha what a commemorative photo???? Haha)

Screw just having it be YOI, that's boring

Hannah and Barbara are pair skaters that are Diana's rinkmates

Suzy and Lotte exist! They're decent skaters but,,, don't get gold often. 

Amanda is. Good. Probably. She's like,,, getting silver and fucking mad about it.

Did I mention Diana probs gets all golds??? Lmao. Akko WISHES. Says Diana is the next living legend like Chariot but haha no one knows where chariot fucked off too!! No one heard of Hair Dye or Baggy Clothing or Colored Contacts or even Moving Away. Lmao

Andrews dad hates ice skating. Except Andrew enjoys watching the sport. They're still business ppl

Andrew and Diana are neighbors

Let Andrew play piano. (Let him make the music for someone's FS. Yeah I just thought of this all randomly idk why) 

Akko is stubborn as hell and gets to a competitive league through pure spite only. She studied in the US and met Lotte there at the rink. Suzy can skate but doesn't care for competitions as much as others.

Akko and Diana do ballet,,, Akko is impatient tho lmao,, 

Diana is more graceful and flexible but she lacks emotion and heart into the sport (bc after her aunt realizes she got Famous the bitch sucked out all the joy of the sport, man)

Akko just loves skating. A bit competitive but realizes she won't really ever win??? Kinda defeatest outlook rip... But she tries!!! 

So much emotion and performance and tears!!! (She's good at pop/cheerful/upbeat and also SAD SAD TEARSSSS shit. You know.) But cannot jump for shit. She sticks with doubles but like,,,, it's not enough really. (Women can't do quads yet. I think.)

Diana has high combos and sticks with classical music/elegant shit. She doesn't pick her music but she does choreograph it.

Akko meanwhile doesn't have good taste. Literally doesn't know how to choose songs really.

In a fic setting: Akko accidentally somehow makes it into the gpf on a fluke/by accident one year (like... She gets two bronzes or smt) and then diana/akko accidentally offend each other after the comp. 

Wild misunderstandings. After that it's like. Pushing e/o to do better at worlds/ their respective comps of 4cc/euros. 

They both get progressively better as they send e/o passive aggressive critiques and shit. 

They happen to run into e/o at the rink/ballet studio at 4am at worlds and passive aggressively flirt before warming up and becoming friends

Akko actually lands a triple in her FS and Diana fucking gay heart dies

They end up chatting like. All off season/when you prep for the next season

Next season they happen to end up in the same qualifiers for the gpf and train at 4am together again. 

Go on coffee "not dates" lmao. 

Actually secretly dating but neither know it yet.

Pining? So much??? Pining???

 At some point like. Maybe they both got Andrew to make them music for their FS. And their themes and shit match. Bc they are In Tune with e/o and EVERYONE thinks they coordinated but they're just gay and stupid. 

So their themes are like. Love and life (except Diana has life and akko has love and it's the complete OPPOSITE of what they normally do and instead compliment e/o so much it's so gay)

Akko does a romantic gay love song that's like. Eros/violin shit with isn't what she normally does and chariot is just dying In The BG

Diana does more "pop"/ lively themes. It feels more alive ig??? It's more about the feelings,,,

Andrew, Frank, Lotte, + the others that are in the show are just. Trying so hard to wingman bc they're painful to watch. Like. So painful. So very painful.

Diana, jokingly: I only kiss gold Akko: I'll go buy some matching gold rings for good luck that we kiss before performances!! Diana, in gay crisis: sounds totally platonic!!! Haha yeah!!! Amanda, disgusted: that's gay you funky lesbians

[cloveroctobers]

SEBASTIAN “SEB” KATSAROS —

IG bio/info: @/s3bgl00m | 17.4k followers | i hate it here. i hate my username name too. Listen to my podcast wth my mate here...open.Spotify.com/podcast/?!.doomngloom

28 years of age

Born & raised in Liverpool, England...don’t ask if he’s met the Beatles he will completely ignore you if you do

Music shop owner in the heart of town

It’s called, “Kicking Kettles”

loves collecting vinyls, cassette tapes, & cds sorry, what did you expect?

His mother is a children’s illustrator

She’s Ashkenazi Jewish

His father is a graphic designer

And is from Nafplio, Greece

They’ve been separated for about a year now, with seb’s father living in France

His mother was skeptical on dating around while she was in a place of uncertainty in her marriage but with a deep discussion with her husband, then her children, she slowly went forward just to see what was out there & found that she wasn’t sure if she’d be open permanently with other beings

Seb was similar to his mother in many ways...

Has a older sister by 2 years named, Xenia...she’s very bossy, a busy-body, & is very vocal. The opposite of seb

she used to beat up guys just for them to turn around and ask her out on dates, a few of them tried to bully seb but Xenia was not having that ofc

very close to his family, even if things are a little off between mum & dad

I feel like he went through a buzzed hair phase & when he finally made the choice to start growing out his hair, going on 4-5 years now, everyone seemed to approve

Even if they didn’t? It be no matter, sure he’d feel a little awkward if someone he cared about didn’t like it but he was sure they would get over it OR get used to it

The hair only comes out when he’s showering or going to bed

His best friend who’s a barber (and a bit of a douche) tells him he’s got to let his hair breathe more often or he’ll have breakage, seb doesn’t think it’s that serious? He’s not sure how much longer he’ll keep the bun now anyways...

This same friend encouraged him to get a “Pompadour” haircut & seb’s never been so offended before in his life, “I wouldn’t want to look like the rest of you knob-heads.”

Anyways, he takes care of his hair the best way he knows how and it seems to work for him...some slightly expensive haircare products here and there & a trimmer & he’s good to go

When he first started growing his hair out, he felt like he needed to go to the salon to know how to manage it. After awhile he learned how to do it on his own + you save $ that way

uses his hands to talk or holds one hand in the other when having a conversation since he doesn’t know what to do with his hands exactly

He’s a chapstick kinda guy who always loses his before he can finish it (been there)

Absolutely loves Japanese food and eats it almost everyday

Japanese Mayo is the superior condiment, bill can stfu!!

probably watches anime

owns a bunch of vans, beanies, and hoodies

smokes hookah every now & then but isn’t too crazy about it

canon: catlover! I feel like he would have a Sphynx, Abyssinian, Ocicat, or oriental shorthair + was over the moon when his baby had babies !!!

He wanted to keep all 5 of the kittens but knew he probably couldn’t, at least not forever but he was going to wait until they were all at least a few months before he decided to put them up for adoption...which sucks but would ultimately be the best choice, maybe???

tried eyeliner again outside of the villa & finds pencil or pomade is better than the standard liquid liner

likes black nail polish but is slightly embarrassed to be seen out with it, it’s the same thing with the eyeliner...he’s not that confident

the guy is a huge blusher & he despises the fact that his face betrays him 80% of the time

often gets nosebleeds

loves red wine especially if it’s on a rainy day and he’s home to fully enjoy it, he feels like he’s on his grown man shit when he does so

I feel like he’d be a fan of the umbrella academy & thinks it’s way better than stranger things...him & nick have argued over this on doom n gloom!

Five is his favorite

Everything he owns is in either black, red, gray/grey, or green

His main phobia is emetophobia (fear of v*mit) & he won’t share why, that’s just what it is

Introvert!

Canon: he’s not a Aquarius

So wtf r ya? Nick & I would like to know plz

Virgo sun? + Taurus moon? + Pisces rising?

I feel like he’s one of those people that feels the need to bring a backpack with him everywhere and you can imagine it to be black ofc

“Who tf are you Linus? But with a backpack?” His sister often jokes (I do this with my sibs, both of them love carrying backpacks. Me on the other hand? I don’t have time for the shit)

He drives a shitty car from the 90s that’s Engine sounds as if it’s about to blow

but 100% perfers to drive his moped, Atticus around

played football (soccer) growing up to help get rid of his asthma

Cannot sleep with the tv on or any form of light around him, it has to be completely dark & quiet!

He’ll only do so if it’s with Genevieve since you know they’re trying this whole long distance thing out

Are one of those couples that will fall asleep on the phone/cpu together

Genevieve might be the, “no you hang up first” & seb will actually hang up the phone and get into bed lmao

Just for vieve to call back like?!! “I can’t believe you’ve done this!

“Well you said—

“Never mind what I said, sebz!!! It’s extremely rude...”

his last relationship before Genevieve lasted 6-8 months (there was a time when he felt like he was unsure if he was still in a couple with that person, isn’t that a shame?)

his love language is acts of service, he’ll do things for you to ease your worries out of love and not obligation so that you feel valued as his partner & I believe he wants this in return as well

I think he’s a bit of a worry wart too when it comes to certain things even if his exterior might show him trying to hide it

He was super nervous to get his first tattoo on his chest, “if words fail, music speaks” but he found that the slight pain was worth it? And quite nice! then he kept going back monthly and soon enough his arms were completely covered

mum hated it, her baby boy was becoming a man! (It’s not like he’s almost 30 but you know how moms are)

Deff has a collection of silver rings, he’s tried out necklaces but he thinks he looks better with his rings

The slit in his brow came from trying to squeeze thru the broken patio glass door with his sis as if it were some booby trap (not exactly, but a safety hazard forsure!) & a piece of glass fell from above slicing his brow and left him with 4 stitches

Secretly into watching those dating shows before and after experiencing it himself

people he enjoyed seeing on the Telly from previous seasons: jen, jake, talia, erikah, lottie, Noah, Carl, Kassam, Priya, & Hannah

AJ is his best girl friend (besides vieve) they FaceTime quite a bit & chat shit to each other on the daily

Feels like she fits in well with his friend group, which just contains his barber friend — they put up with his banter & give it right back to him but he can also be vulnerable & comfortable with those around him so that’s always a plus

It’s the same with nick, except they share a hobby together, their podcast & that’s what seb wants to keep it as, a hobby, for fun & giggles yet nick is thinking about getting paid for what they do. He thinks it’s a great idea whereas seb doesn’t want this to turn into a career/chore

He’s perfectly happy at kicking kettles

He feels strongly about his stance while nick is on both sides

They’ll figure it out, soon.

How are things outside of the villa & since the boat party? They all have a group chat that they randomly speak up in, in the beginning they would do morning and goodnight texts but that became tedious so they settled for either or. Or simply just checking in to see how each other’s days went with seb secretly being the most curious to everyone’s days

Things are awkward between him and Yasmin, he kinda avoids talking to her tbh & not because he doesn’t want to...its just yeah it’s not the same with him and aj where they can easily move forward, it feels like pulling teeth with Yasmin since they’re some what similar & it seems like she’s waiting on him to take the lead on fixing some imagined issue they have with each other? It’s weird idk

Lives in a cramped studio apartment, it works for him so he doesn’t need any inputs thank you

celeb crushes? Demi lovato, Hwasa, Amanda Seyfried, & Birgundi Angel Baker

as for music? Sleeping with sirens, pierce the veil, teagan & Sara, the pierces, panic!at the disco, all time low, twenty one pilots, x-ambassadors, awolnation, jon bellion— listen when atl dropped? Seb felt like he was reborn okay?! , Japanese breakfast, & great grandpa

Anthem = The Postal Service, “Such great heights”

[unknwnxquantity]

I’m so sad Naya Rivera died man. I’m already going thru my own emotional turmoil with myself, with the people in my life, a breakup, girls, my fear of abandonment and rejection and just trying to heal my inner child. But then to learn.. my first real celebrity crush dies at such a young age. Drowned at 33. Like what?? WHOO

Her character on glee, Santana Lopez, helped meeee. So. Much. I was the definition of OBSESSED with her character and the brittana storyline. Glee is my favorite show of all time man (s1-3) and it has such a special place in my heart. Such a comforting show I got to vicariously live thru as I watched the growth of characters I’d become attached to. My sister got me into glee in 8th grade aka the worst year of my life, and from then on into hs I was so fukking awkward and anxious all the time, I didn’t really live out the hs experience everyone glorifies (except 9th and kinda 10th grade but after that it went downhill). Santana man... it was just something about her character. The way naya sang and danced. Her coming to terms with herself and portraying that typical “bitchy hs cheerleader” persona to the world bc she was so unhappy with herself. Her confusing emotions for brittany and being promiscuous to fill that hole in her heart. She was such a mean girl I loved it lmao but brittany was her soft spot. That was her person. I always wanted to be the brittany to someone’s Santana. I’ve been obsessed with glee for years and years. I just.. I can’t believe it. I’m so confused. Why her? Why someone who, yeah her real life personality and being wasn’t necessarily Santana Lopez... but was a presence who helped sooo many fukking people accept themselves and find themselves in her and brittany’s character development/story line.. have to die like this? So soon.

U know how painful drowning is? To die like that while ur 4 year old son is on the boat u got off of and witnessing such a traumatic experience? I feel so annoying posting about it on Instagram and Twitter because at the end of the day, who tf cares? She didn’t impact their lives; most of the people who follow me probably only know of her bc she was big Sean’s ex. But I’m just so deeply sad. My inner child tween self who was so fukking awkward, who found solace in glee and especially in Naya Rivera’s character is just still in disbelief that this is real life. I hope she knew in her last moments as she was drowning... as her life flashed right before her.. that her legacy and impact is everlasting. That her son now has books, glee episodes, and other appearances she’s made in interviews, other tv shows, etc. is all captured so he gets to see live footage of his mom. Rest In Peace Naya Rivera. Thank you for the representation. Thank you for being my screensaver all these years, being the celeb crush who deeply impacted my being as a whole the most and blessing us all with ur incredible, soothing voice in glee bops. Thank u for everything.

[bleuatlas]

I was tagged by: @memehyungwon tysm bebe (~￣³￣)~

Relationships: romantic? none. friendships? lots!

Breakups: romantic, none and friendships a few falling outs from the other party's end and one time from my end x.x

Kids: i have tokophobia and a very real dread of everything that entails the early 9 mo ths to labor to full fledge parenthood so yeh fek no, if i ever do want kids imma adopt

Brothers and Sisters: one younger brother whose three years younger than me

Pets: one cat uwu

Surgeries: do wisdom teeth count, just one tho

Tattoos: none so far but i do hope i can one day get some, all them minimalist floral tattoos ugh litter them all over me yass

Countries: I’ve only visited Jeddah, Saudi Arabia sorta lived their as a kid so for a while we went back and forth from home town to there, I'm from Pakistan jbtw

Been in an airplane: yes

Been in an ambulance: nope

Sang Karaoke: yes, the only singing i'll be ever good at xD

Been Ice-Skating: never but I wanna try it qwq

Been on a Cruise: nope but that would be a dream ugh

Driven a Motorcycle: nope but i'd love to try it :'D

Ridden a Horse: yes but very rarely here and there growing up

Stayed in a Hospital: nope, just visited

Favorite Fruit or Berry: i love almost all mainstream fruits and fruity stuff

Favorite Colors: all blues, most whites, sage greens, indigos, soft pinks and yellows, def deep marine shades

Last Text: i dont text anymore xD

Coffee or Tea: coffee, hot, at cafes but tea at a roadside dhabba

Favorite Pie: apple i think

Favorite Pizza: any honestly

Cats or Dogs: both, both sounds good, yep

Favorite Time of Year:  summer but given we dont have power outages and can blast my ac all the time

Met a Star: okay so i live in the heart of the city and growing up through out teenage i made lots if friends in different fields and one really good friend was in theatre so through her i am aware of many local celebs and met a few before they shot to fame, its weird here if you are in a happening circle you could be friends or have known and met with many famous people xD really rakes away the romance of celebrity crush cuz you find out they are a friend of a friend and could possibly run into them so yer like gotta keep my cool xD

Flown in a Helicopter: nope

Been on TV: uhh does a mini broadcast for an all women's runway show count? lmao it was just a snippet

Broken a Leg: nope

Seen a Ghost: i have the weakest heart i never plan to and i definitely believe in it xD

Been Sick in a Taxi: ha ha ha oh yes that one time i got my periods but the cramps hit me omw home in a taxi in the evening rush.....it was so fekn painful i legit wished death upon me ugh i never can forget that ride back home

tagging: @captainchangbin @showmella 😘

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #273

ew, wtf is this new /tagged formatting???? ugh.

What is something you dislike about the dating world? I haven't dated around enough to have first-hand experience, really. But from an outside view, people don't seem all that interested in serious commitment. Don't fwm if you aren't into the idea of working towards a whole lifetime together. What gives you confidence? Bitch nothing lmao. Have you ever dated someone with very different sexual tastes than you? No. What is the most meaningful gift you’ve ever given? Both Jason and Sara got a huge list of reasons I love them for certain relationship "milestones," both which really did take a long time because there were loads. I did it with each because I really did feel like it was a very personal, uplifting, and full-of-adoration gift, not just for the sake of recycling an idea because I had no others. I have a shitload of romantic ideas, ngl man. Do you feel as though someone ‘won’ in your last break up? Neither of us "won" or "lost," really. It was a mutual agreement that now just isn't the time for a relationship between us. Whatever happened to the first person you ever loved? Sometimes I'm scared to know. Do you still shop at the same stores you liked when you were a teenager? Yeah. Thankfully Hot Topic became more accessible to plus-size people. Is there anyone significantly older than you that you would date? No. I won't go over like... nine years. Even eight it pushing it. Please share your embarrassing and weird celeb crushes. Post pictures. What do you like about them? I don't have any "embarrassing" or "weird" ones. What is something your partner does that is unattractive to you? N/A What is something that would have made the show better/you would have liked to see happen on one of your favorite series? I honestly wish Weed in Ginga Densetsu Weed was more realistic and realized Hougen was worth killing himself. The lightning seemed cheap and anti-climactic. He had EVERY reason to kill him, and it sounds weird to consider killing as a form of growth, but I feel like it would've been. Maybe that's just a personal thing, believing killing is sometimes justified, but it actually annoyed me. Nevertheless, fucking fantastic show. How do you feel about celebrities that are silent about political or human rights issues? Do you think celebrities should use their platform to speak out? I have... mixed feelings. I think most of me says to use their prominence for good, to be a loud voice to look up to and bring greater attention to issues, but at the same time, some people just like/feel safer being non-political. When you were a kid, what child characters did you admire or relate to most? BINDI IRWIN!!!!!!!!!! I still follow and fucking adore her. Y'all she recently got married and she is just so beautiful and so happy and the Irwins are just genuinely angels on this earth. Tell me about a time that you were bored in a relationship (can be romantic or friendship). What was it about them/the situation that bored you? I've never been romantically bored, and not really with a friendship, either. Sure, I've been bored in another's presence, but it was never a consistent issue. Who’s your favorite Tiktoker? I have never even touched it. How high or low is the barrier to entry in your field or desired field? It's tough, but not that high. More than anything, photography depends on who you know to help get you out there, sadly. It's luck, too. There is most certainly skill involved, but yeah... building your brand up to stand out with only your own hands is ridiculously hard. But that's really any small business/self-employed position. Where would you look if you were looking for a job (e.g., indeed.com, company websites, asking a friend…)? I've pretty much always used Indeed, or I hear from family/friends. How much lower than your ideal salary would you take? What would the job have to entail for you to take a less than ideal wage? Hi, I live in America, where the government doesn't give a fuck if you can support yourself on minimum wage or not. :^) But anyway, this is a difficult question to answer with how little experience I have. I can say, however, that I will fucking not work to just barely scrape by with minimum wage. If I'm going to bust my ass, it's gonna be fucking worth it. Even if you were able to support yourself/your own family, would there ever be a situation in which you would choose to live in a shared house with another family or individual, be it your parents or a sibling’s family, or some other housemate? Sure, I wouldn't mind. Especially family. Do bridges make you nervous? To a degree. Are there any movies that you find so dumb, you find funny? Napoleon Dynamite, of course. How often do you vacation? Pretty much never ever. Do you think it’s cruel to leave a live fish to die in an ice box? I am genuinely concerned for you if you say no to this. Have you ever done anything sexual with someone of the same sex? Yes. Have you ever pawned anything off at a pawn shop? No. Do you have stomach abs? OH, HUNNY- Do you know anyone who is trying to physically impersonate a celebrity? No. Have you ever seen a shuttle launch? I mean, on TV, but even then I didn't seriously watch it. Are we having signs of the apocalypse? I don't believe in the "apocalypse." We're going to fall through natural methods. We're definitely heading deeper into destruction in some ways, though, by our own hands. I'm quite sure humans themselves will be the end of humanity. Would you rather see The Blue Man Group or Fear Factor live? BLUE MAN GROUP!!! They're dooooope. Do you have any exciting plans for this upcoming weekend? No. I'm staying in the goddamn house like we're fucking supposed to. What color of colored contacts would you like to have? To wear regularly? Sapphire blue. Ohhh, maybe one that, and the other icy blue. What’s on your bedside table? It's more a shelf than a table, so I have quite a bit. My medicine basket, fan, a drink, books, sketchbook, some other miscellaneous things. What’s on your bed? A bedsheet, comforter, two pillows, and me, ha ha. Your floor besides furniture? Nothing. Your dresser? All my meerkat stuffed animals, plus some others. The top shelf in your closet? Ha, good question. Are there any dead stuffed animals in your house? No. What’s the best prize you’ve won on an amusement park/carnival game? *shrug* Have you ever done anything sexual in a school? No, I was a good noodle. Have you ever been indoor skydiving? No. Would you have any interest in going on a cruise? Not really. What did you have for dinner last night? I made some hot wings. What's your ideal indoor temperature? High 60s, ig. It’s hard to really tell because my room is always the hottest in the house and I have a fan on me, so I don’t really feel the “normal” temperature most of the time. Does your kitchen have a theme? No. What's the grossest thing u have found in your food? Probably nothing worse than a hair or something, idk. Are you a flip flop lover? I am NOTORIOUS for wearing flipflops absolutely year-round. A little bit of snow on the ground? I’m wearing my gd flipflops because they’re just easy to slide on and I care about convenience probably too much lmao. What namebrand dishwashing liquid do u use? … Dawn, I think? I don’t really pay attention. Do you like ice cream sandwiches? UGH yesssssssssss hunty. Do you prefer hard or soft shell tacos? I hate tacos, but I’d definitely rather have a soft shell than hard. Ever worn a flower in your hair? Maybe as a kid? Name five random things in your kitchen? Nothing abnormal, really… no, wait. You know those sticky cylinder things that flies are attracted to and die a slow death for their brazen intrusion upon your property? We have one of those hanging up in there. Magnets and pictures on the fridge is considered pretty normal, right? Name four things in your fridge? Milk, apples, a bigass bag of pepperoni, and some cold water bottles because I strongly prefer cold water. Name two things in your meds cabinet? We’ve got a load… Different kinds of pain pills, things like Pepto, etc. Name six things in your family room? A couch, a reclining chair, the TV, Mom’s bed, loads of pictures on the walls, and uh… sidetables? Name three things in your bedroom? My snake, my bed, and my dresser. Name three things in your yard? A bird feeder that squirrels like to steal from, a random fucking dolphin statue thingy that deadass looks like a distorted dick (it’s been here since we got here, idfk), and two sheds. Name two things in your bathroom? Our bathroom is tiiiny, so very normal stuff. Y’know, a toilet and sink. What health problems do you have? A lot that I don’t feel like thinking through. Fave name brand of water? Essentia. Do you have a trampoline? Not since I was a teenager. The last time you were in the fridge, what were you looking for? Jam to make a pb&j. Do you like clowns? No opinion. Are you listening to anything at the moment? Surprisingly nothing, but Halocene’s cover of “My Immortal” is seeeeeriously jammed in my head. Do you twitch when your falling asleep? YES. They’re more like muscle spasms. Are your dishes in the dishwasher clean or dirty? We don’t have one; we have to wash by hand. Buuut that house we’re moving into has one! :’) When is the last time you were on a bicycle? Not since I was a teenager. I used to love love loooove to ride my bike after school. What have you eaten today? Special K cereal and aforementioned sandwich. Do you own a strapless bra? Fuckin Y I K E S that would not work w/ my size lmfao. Does the person you like know it? Ye. Did anything brighten up your day today? Our lawn FINALLY got mowed and the bushes trimmed. We had to tidy it up before we can move. It looked like a jungle, deadass serious. Do you ever wonder how other people see you? Only all the time. What is one good thing you're known for? I write well. How about one bad thing? I’m very dependent. When was the last time you sang an ENTIRE song? Wow, no clue. I rarely sing, never mind an entire song. What is one thing that is currently bothering you? Actually my stomach kinda hurts. What did you do today? Wander around the Internet looking for something to even mildly entertain me, play World of Warcraft for a very brief period since I’m going through a bored phase of it, read for a bit, showered… not a lot, but later today we’re celebrating my mom’s birthday early, actually. Do you consider yourself to be attractive? No. I think my dimples are kinda cute, but that’s it. Do you regret going out with the last person you did? Not at all. Do you realize it when you curse? It’s so normal in my vocabulary that generally, no. I’m very mindful around kids, though. I still remember the first time I said “fuck” in my mom’s presence without realizing it and she just like f r o z e. Have you ever been extremely tired but refused to go to sleep? Yeah, for various reasons. That is veeeeery rare nowadays, though, partially because I’m so fucking bored that I’m just happy to close the day. What's the longest amount of time you've been stuck in traffic? An hour or so is my guess while traveling. I don’t recall any specific instances. Best field trip experience? We went to the zoo!!!! It was the one and only time thus far that I’ve seen meerkats irl. What is the most amount of money you've spent on a meal before? I’ve never really been able to buy my own meal, never mind something expensive. What museums have you visited, if any? Just local ones centered around art or science, generally. What's your worst traveling experience? Idk. Sims 1, 2, or 3? Why? Never played. Not my kinda game. What area of math are you best at? Worst? lol I suck at them all. How do you feel when you meet someone with the same music taste as you? It’s exciting! Do you believe in luck? Why or why not? No, because I don’t believe in any “magical” influence over events that occur. Shit just happens, sometimes to good people, sometimes to bad people, and everything in-between. How often do you "half-ass" things (put little effort in)? IIII tend to do that a lot.. Do you ever feel self-conscious when you eat around other people? Not really. Have you ever missed a meeting/event that was required/necessary? You could say so, but it turned out fine that I missed it anyway. What's something that makes you incredibly nervous? Talking to people I don’t know or being alone with a man. If you don't have glasses, how would you feel if you had to get them? N/A If you do have glasses, how would you feel if you didn't need them anymore? I’d be fuckin’ stoked, I could get my undereye dermal without it looking stupid. How many vegetarians do you know? I’m not sure. Have you ever considered going to art school? Does Photography count? I majored in that. Otherwise, no. Have you ever had problems falling asleep in class? No, I was always very attentive in class. Are your parents supportive of you? Very.

[lizzybeth1986]

Quick Thoughts on TRR Book 1, Chapter 5

• I'm back! I missed doing these. It's fun taking a look at the beginning of this series knowing what lies ahead, especially when you can recall exactly what it felt like when you first read it.

• In the time it took for me to get back to doing this series, I decided to do a fail-play to answer a few questions I had about the series. I was dying guys I was dying. The secondhand embarrassment level was off the roof. Oh God. I hope I NEVER EVER have to do that again 😭

•

So you guys have already met my MC, Esther (If you haven't, she's the one on the left! She has a new hairstyle now though, she has the long hair with the braids on top. The big cream flower was clashing with everything). On the right is my Disaster!MC, Persephone. She romances Hana and when I say her crush is painfully obvious, I mean painfully.

• The last chapter I did a Book 1 QT for was Chapter 4, where a Liam stan could FINALLY dance with their Prince (and maybe sneak a kiss in the hedge maze if you spent the diamonds), and then meet Bertrand just minutes before he loses his shit completely and almost drags the name of his own House in the mud (why you so stupid, Bertrand)

• We're attending a horse race, so obvious title will be obvious. It's Off To the Races.

• A Day At The Races would have been better, because Queen xD

• So apparently it's now the day of the Derby, and we either go for the press-friendly runway-worthy gown, the modern one that'll catch the eye of Queen Regina, or...uniboob (yes, uniboob. I have painfully huge ones and I get even more conscious of them in outfits like that one 😣).

It's kinda interesting that Drake-dislike is the default for the MC at this point. But I also think it's also a good strategy to ease the reader (and their MC) into this association with him. You have this best friend who has a painful insider/outsider relationship to Court, has a massive chip over his shoulder, is trying really hard not to soften to this strange woman his best friend likes, has this painful past he's reluctant to share with anyone.

• While Hana's and Liam's first diamond scenes emerge very early and from a place of concern (because they have already established themselves in the narrative as likeable to this MC) Drake is the kind of person that takes some getting used to. If you tried to sell me a sob story about his sister shortly after he made sexist, classist comments about me on a plane, my first instinct would be to flip the bird at him and save my diamonds.

So instead he's given a bodyguard-type role with you, then you can choose to tease him mercilessly during that cronut excursion, then he thaws a little more towards you at Lythikos...leaving that field open to him finally opening up to you (via diamonds) when his Savannah-related wounds are reopened. The reader gets a chance to feel differently about him, ergo invested enough in him to pay diamonds for that scene.

• Esther will drag Bertrand mercilessly behind his back since Bertrand has no qualms doing the same. Sauce for goose, sauce for gander. So yes she responds to "how will you address Bertrand?" with "Hey you".

•

Unless he's around Savannah, then he has one at the moments he least intends to.

• NOW Maxwell tells us what the house and duchy name is. Now! You had enough time to tell me this last night dude!

• Bertrand comes to us to figure out our progress in terms of learning etiquette, and Maxwell and the MC prove to him that they've covered the basics. Which Bertrand brushes off as protocol that can be brushed off as stuff you can get on an internet search.

Me Back Then: Oh sorry I can't process information in the speed of light, bro 😒

Me Now: You know, Bertrand, if you'd just spent less time poring over Maxwell's scrapbook for the raciest photos...and actually spent more time sitting down and teaching me protocol, you wouldn't be grinding your teeth at me today.

•

So Persephone fell for Olivia's little lie and kissed King Constantine's shoe. Looks like the court had a field day with that because it gets mentioned to her twice. Once from Maxwell before she goes to see Liam, and once now, from Bertrand, who has just heard about her disaster of a performance and now cannot trust Maxwell with coaching her.

• Bertrand decides to test exactly how prepared we are with a small test. After a round of greeting, he takes our hand with his right hand, and gives it a courtly kiss (in this universe, the proper way is to take the lady's offered hand with your left hand, otherwise it is viewed as an insult). We're supposed to figure out what he did wrong. If we do give him the right answer, he is happy about our observational skills but demands that the MC not become too complacent since she's "ever only one mistake away from a scandal".

What does interest me are the exchanges that come out of the wrong responses:

"Didn't Bow" brings into play the hierarchy that the nobility maintains. Bowing here is viewed as a sign of respect to someone of a higher rank, and though the MC is now a lady by virtue of her sponsors, she is still regarded as a commoner. There is the joke response, "Didn't Address Me As Your Highness", which Bertrand hardly graces with a response besides highlighting the MC's 'arrogance'. The common thread is this exchange, though:

I think this gives us a tiny insight into how much ground the MC has to cover in understanding the society she is trying to become a part of. The last two chapters we had Liam and the other competitors, to help us understand exactly what we were up against - this time we're grappling with the reality of all the people we will need to please (in one day, we have to pretty much win the favour of both the Queen and the press). The MC has to not only familiarize herself with how she should behave but also be aware of the signals other people send. And she isn't exactly going to get a lot of help at this stage, not when the men sponsoring her have their own problems and are viewing her experience from the eyes of people who have grown up in Cordonia.

•

LMAO @ the MC's shit-eating grin the minute they say "limo" 😂

• So we're on our way to Honeyhill Downs on a limo, and since we need to deal with the press the moment I get out, the Beaumonts now try to convince us to impress the press.

• Book 1 is about this commoner woman schmoozing among the elite and trying to fit in, so really the only people who are seen (unless they're Drake) are the nobles. This is understandable in the first two books, where MC is kind of the underdog - not so much in the later books. You never get to see actual commoners who live in houses and walk on the streets until Book 3, and even then it is a fleeting glimpse. Anyway, the narrative attempts to bridge this gap by making the press the representative of the people.

• Bertrand and Maxwell now give us advice on tackling the press: we'll be asked easy questions (basically to figure out who we are and create a story around us accordingly), and then hardball questions about the country, how you'll be as a potential royal, and most importantly - Cordonian apples. The MC is confused at first but agrees to roll with it.

• The moment the MC mentions that the Derby area looks like a fair, Bertrand says "this isn't a county fair where you weigh pigs and eat pie". Between this and the Downton Abbey reference the next chapter, I'm pretty sure Bertrand was created initially to lend the image of Cordonia a bit of an "old world" appeal - given that he and Maxwell are the nobles we most regularly interact with in the first two books.

• Now comes the part I'm most excited about! Our actual first press interview. It's separated into two categories: easy questions (Donnie Brine) and hardball ones (Ana de Luca)

•

Donnie Brine: You know how in reality shows you hear about the importance of spinning a 'story'? How to get the audience's sympathy, sometimes your 'story' can get you where your talent may not (in fact, a few weeks ago Fiona Syed was saying just that to the MC when they were auditioning for "One in A Million" in Platinum!). Well, that's why we have Donnie Brine of the CBC (Cordonia Broadcasting Center). He's here so we can choose and carve our own narrative. So depending on our answers, we will get a moniker that will be carried forward throughout this book, and briefly referenced in the next:

1. The Mystery Woman: The answers suited for this option are 'A mystery' (when asked who you are) and optionally 'Liam couldn't figure me out' (when asked why you're the Prince's favourite). She is literally someone who emerged out of nowhere, and apparently sets herself apart from the other suitors by not being too open about her background.

2. The American: She can call herself the "lone American wolf", and optionally also mention that Liam and she shared a love for the Statue of Liberty. This spin on the MC's story highlights her "difference" in terms of foreignness and unfamiliarity with the country, which can be a challenge but also could wound up making her eventual triumph that much sweeter. In a very good playthrough especially, she will be the foreigner that embraced the customs and traditions, and fit in perfectly despite the odds.

3. The Everywoman: Now for a very long time I thought the responses in this one would yield a negative reaction from Donnie, but turns out thankfully it doesn't!! You need to choose both "just a regular woman, like many out there" and "I was his waitress". I also noticed an interesting difference about this that I will expand on later. But the point is that The Everywoman is as good a choice as any tbh, refers to her commoner origins and positions her as someone who can connect with the people.

Ana de Luca: Throughout the series, and for a half of Book 2, she's the tougher interviewer. She works with Trend, a fashion and celeb news magazine - and because of her already-established fashion credentials (introduced in MW as fashion designer) - becomes the mediaperson that compliments you on wearing the dress Olivia recommended.

Besides this, a lot of the political, country-related questions esp in Book 1, tend to come from her. She asks you your thoughts on Cordonia as a newcomer, how you would fare as a ruler and the inevitable question on apples. This is the interview that could affect your early popularity if you fail it, because any response you choose for Donnie Brine's (including showing the silly face for his photo), will work out alright. If you fail this one, the press largely ignore you to focus on the next candidate before you can even say "goodbye".

Me Back Then (hovering over options for the press photo): OMG OMG OMG don't press silly face don't press silly face don't -

Me Now (shamelessly clicking over aforementioned silly face): So Donnie doesn't mind my silly face at the Derby but will suddenly be ZOMG SCANDALIZED by it at the Regatta? HMM 🤔

• We now move towards the tents, except that Maxwell told us the wrong colour. Was he so distracted by the pinkness of the (optional) diamond outfits that he blurted out that colour instead?

• We end up in a stable with a horse that's as scared of us as we are of her.

• Drake jumps into temporary-bodyguard duty and saves...the horse.

• There are two ways you can respond to this: either focus on the fact that Drake saved you from the horse, or on the fact that he might have been following you. Interestingly he comes out with the truth of the matter faster if you're more suspicious of him - probably because that's a response he's expecting. On the other hand with the nicer response, he falls back on snark - thus annoying even the MC that wants to be nice to him. Either way, Drake eventually spills out the truth: he's here because Liam asked him to look out for the MC. And it won't be the last time Liam thinks ahead and takes measures to either protect or guide her.

• The option to either join Drake to Liam's private tent, or go ahead to where the other ladies are, comes with a price. Spend the diamonds and you'll see Hypervigilant Liam, pushups and at least a few minutes less to worry about a couple suitors roasting you for not fitting in the NANOSECOND you arrive. It also features this bombshell of a line from the MC:

Fun Fact: When this chapter first came out, I was at a point where I'd regularly panic about getting options wrong, and going through an entire chapter before a replay. To make sure that didn't happen too often, I'd watch a non-diamond playthrough on YouTube, and figure out the correct answers that way. It was fun.

So imagine the amount of cringing I did at Olivia and Kiara making smartass comments about the MC, which led me to believe that maybe the other option would save me from that kind of roasting.

Ladies, gents, non-binary people - THAT is how I ended up buying my first scene this book. To escape from the ladies of the court 🙈 (which didn't happen but at least I got a nice Liam scene out of it. Teehee. Teehee)

• The Private Tent diamond scene has the following:

- proof that Liam can and will pounce on someone for fear of attack. this is part-defense-training and part (IMO) trauma response because he's been the target of a number of assassinations

- you get to confront Liam about having Drake look out for you, and if you don't like the gesture, Liam is contrite BUT tells you the Derby atmosphere can be chaotic and scary for a newcomer, and since he couldn't directly watch over her he needed to ensure she'd be okay somehow. This is something he keeps doing for the MC in small, easy-to-miss ways throughout the social season, actually.

- this conversation about horses, which took a symbolic turn I wasn't exactly expecting if you choose "trapped". But it killed me. Killed me guys 😭

That last line. "Nothing like a little gilding to make a cage bearable", Liam says and you can TELL that's most of his life captured in a single sentence.

- shirtless Liam

- Drake-Liam banter, and I mean genuine good-natured Drake-Liam banter that isn't Drake "calling out" Liam on being privileged while never admitting his own privileges (though Drake does say that his presence in Liam's life is to keep him humble, which...eh).

- one more blue star point from Drake if you're nice to him, and overall the MC and Drake leave on better terms (although, the second thing already happens even if you walk straight to the suitors' tent).

- a kiss if you're romantically involved.

• Me Back Then: So if I take the diamond scene, the mean ladies won't @ me for tardiness, right? Right?? 👀 👀

Me Now: WRONG. But at least you got to sit on Liam while he was doing push-ups.

Me Back Then: Well. When you put it that way...

• Whether or not you choose this diamond option, you'll be called out on being late anyway. It's mostly Olivia and Kiara: Olivia stresses on how "fashionably late you are", and Kiara comments on how it's only Day 2 and you can't keep up (...she'll eat those words in Lythikos, I think), with Hana being the only support and defending the MC, pointing out (like Liam) how chaotic things get after the press interviews are done. The only difference is that in the diamond option, these dialogues occur after the race is over, and in the free option it's before. Esther gets roasted by them after the race is over, poor Persy gets it before the race has even begun 😭

• What interested me about this scene were the brief parallels between the race portions of the Liam/Drake scene, and the free scene. Two of my current favourite characters in this book take their place in the free version 😁

In each version of the scene, a character viewed as more 'friendly' (to the MC) pins their hopes on Twilight Dash. A more distant character will however guess correctly that Marabelle's Dream has the edge. Kiara doesn't exactly give us a reason why, but Drake tells Liam he's been looking at the stats and seems regardless to have pretty extensive knowledge about horses.

The funny thing obviously is that the fun element in Liam's scene (the bet), is hinted at in Hana's scene when she tells the MC that she was fortunate they couldn't bet anything.

Me Back Then: Liam didn't exactly lose anything!

Me Now: He lost...his shirt 👀👀

Esther: 👀 👀 👀 👀

Persephone: (Blissfully unaware that any of this ever happened, too busy making heart eyes at Hana. I would too, Persy, I would too)

• The ladies - mainly Olivia and Penelope - are disappointed about not seeing Liam (hah! says Esther) but hope to meet him at the tea party where his step mother Queen Regina is also in attendance. Our last scene is with Hana, building up to the first scene next chapter where she tells us about the tea party!

• I made some pretty interesting observations about how Donnie's end of the interview was coded, based on what I played in the game + what I observed from the other YouTube playthroughs. Here it is:

- as you already know, there are three monikers, all of which apply to this MC - the Mystery Woman, the American and the Everywoman.

- Each moniker emphasizes on her differences. She is different from the rest of the court in her penchant for mystery, she is a foreigner in a country where foreigners may not always be viewed in the best light if they don't fit in, and she is a commoner by birth to the Cordonian nobility here. All of which serve to either make her eventual success in assimilating even more impressive than usual, or in emphasizing why she would be wrong for the position if she doesn't do well.

- In the case of "Mystery Woman" and "The American", if you choose the first option, THAT is what will be coded as your moniker regardless of what your second option is. So if I chose "American Lone Wolf" in my first option, but mentioned "Liam couldn't figure me out" (mystery option) in my second one, I would still be called The American.

- The twist is that this is completely different if when you go for a first "Everywoman" option. If I choose "just a regular woman out there" for my first option, but the "fascination for Statue of Liberty" (American option) for the second...it will default to The American anyway.

- Only if you choose the option to tell Donnie that the MC was a waitress, does she get the "Everywoman" moniker. It's like the writers would really, really much rather you picked one of the other two!

• I enjoyed the diamond scene, I think. It was fun, cute and fluffy the first time I played, your MC and Drake got the chance to slightly thaw towards each other, and when you came back to the "Liam's reaction to you scaring him" scene later on, there was so much you could gain out of it! (an essay of mine "Trauma and Triggers", explores that part of this scene in detail, if anyone would like to read it. I'll probably give the link in the comments).

• I find it interesting, in the overall scheme of things in the books, how Kiara's comments seem to revolve around settling in to the court. (In her first scene if you choose to ask the women why they're okay with Olivia speaking of them as 'harpies', Kiara's first response is that they all knew what they were getting into, and surprise that the MC didn't - and her second comment is about fitting in. Her third actual scene with us, she compliments us on the same if we do gain support by the time we reach Lythikos). When you do actually do well, she's more ready to support you. It makes me more interested in the dynamics of the scene we have with her at Lythikos.

• Me Back Then, however, hates her guts right now. Don't worry, Me Back Then, you'll get there, you'll get there 😂

• The thawing towards Drake sets the stage for the cronut scene next chapter, I think, which further sets the stage for the bonding with him in Lythikos.

• I find it interesting how the press is viewed as "a window to the people" in the initial books, but it's disheartening to think about now. Especially when we don't really get to see a lot of commoners outside of someone like Drake, at least not one with a full fledged role yet.

• I'm hoping I can make a regular thing out of this!! 😁 It's been fun to do.

--

Tally Counts:

Number of Times Drake has Called Esther/Persy by Their First Names: 2 (I forgot he called her that again at the Masquerade Ball)

Number of Times Tariq Has Mentioned His Shoes: 1

Number of Times Drake Has Taken A Drink that’s Not Whiskey: 1

Number of Times Someone Has Called A Reigning Monarch 'Your Highness’: 2

Number of Times You Can Leave Hana Shook. SHOOK I TELLS YA: 2

Number of Times We See Penelope’s Angryface: 2

[longeyelashedtragedy]

this has been the most wild fuckin year so let’s do a Year in Review shall we

in terms of internet and fandom life, that is. my real life has been atrociously boring but who cares about real life amirite folx

january probably the only calm month of the year.  i spent the first day of the month watching the brazilian inauguration in burgos, spain with one headphone in, while ordering for my family in a restaurant where nobody spoke english (my sister speaks decent spanish, but my whole family has like 8194814 food restrictions so it kind of went past her level of ability). translating between spanish and english with portuguese in one year was kind of awesome. i watched bodyguard and it was amazing!  what else...in january i briefly owned the issue of spanish GQ with Luka on the cover which i then forgot about until november. other than that...? nada.  the calm before the storm. (fav music)

february was so long ago that i keep forgetting how insane its 28 days were.  probably the wildest month of the year really. i got involved in an absolutely batshit and exclusive group chat with a famous person’s family member (which must remain confidential). it was all sunshine and rainbows for a week and a half and it then devolved into the most absolutely insane Lord of the Flies situation ever--it turned into 1 main chat and then 1 chat that was less puritanical than the main chat, and that chat spawned another chat that didn’t trust the previous chat, and then that chat had a massive argument and a like 6-person bitchy chat modded by a gay guy who does voodoo (shoutout to ALCIDES) spawned from that one.  i made it into every level of group chat and was asked by the tiny bitchy chat to spy on the other bitchy chat (i did not lol). i was a member of the tiny bitchy chat until i got a new phone and was logged out of whatsapp for like a month.  these words can’t even convey what this chat was like--oh and did i mention it was all conducted in only my 3rd-best language? it’s no wonder my weird ass survived middle school almost entirely unscathed.  as this was winding down, on the very last day of the month, I found out about Justin’s involvement in the SNC-Lavalin scandal and decided to go public about my years-long boner for him; Lavscam definitely changed the course of the rest year ~ Oh, also i began helping to repair a friendship that had had some Drama go down so that was p cool ~ (fav music)

march was a Time. The insanity of lavscam helped me finally finish the macdeau I started writing the previous December when a bunch of tungelr people called me disgusting for writing it.  i wrote my first straight-up serious explicit porn in years which has wound up being the third-longest thing i’ve ever published on ao3. Also, Hozier released Wasteland, Baby! which made a huge impact on me as well.  i spent like half of march staying up till 3:30 am writing said Long Fic, and i was firmly in the closet about stanning manu. also justin almost got a vote of no confidence or something and he got busted for eating a chocolate bar during a parliamentary all-nighter.  (fav music)

in april i wrote a ton of fanfic thanks to declining mental health(tm).  i think this is when i started my emmanuyell insta account and became really into making weird edits (which i still love doing just...don’t anymore.)  i started meeting some cool people thanks to macdeau.  what else happened in april? i feel like it wasn’t actually too eventful other than writing a lot of fanfic and being Annoyed about manu.  feel free to jog my memory lol.  oh i think i wrote “Okay so who from the French national team are we gonna ship Manu with” on twitter after seeing photos of manu + antoine griezmann at the World Cup but nothing came of that...at that time... (fav music)

may saw me having to deal with my shit mental health and up my meds but that seems to have had a good effect because i seem to not be too depressed to write in the winter/fall anymore! it was the 2nd anniversary of manu’s election and at the Christchurch Call in paris, macdeau took that amazing fairytale princess photo together that was completely unrivalled in Gay Shippy Feels moments until ivan went out of his way to kiss luka during the el clásico gameplay last wednesday. someone wrote ao3′s first griezmanu drabble and at the end manu gets down on his knees in front of antoine, takes off his shoes for him, and sucks his dick, and i achieved another state of being entirely.  my sister graduated from grad school and when we went down to DC for the weekend i went to eat at this restaurant manu famously ate at while there and ordered the same stuff he did and i have no idea how he consumed all that grease.  i learned about the song O Come, O Come, Emmanuel *snort*. i feel like other things happened in may too?  OH YES--i got the idea for my magnum opus, Trophy Boyfriend, and started to write it. the first scene i wrote was justin blowing manu in the hallway. then the same day i wrote the scene at the airport (which was the ending for a solid month and half till i realized it shouldn’t be), and the saddest scene in the fic--but we’ll stop to open presents.  oh! and i stumbled across the macronists discord chat which is such a delightful little community *weepy sniffles* (fav music)

june was Eventful.  a french neonazi on tumblr told me to go let manu fuck me in the ass because i was a fucking degenerate.  what a start!  then came the ceremony in which manu awarded everyone on the french national team the legion of honor medal and the way he and antoine looked at each other was truly...Wait it was the 3rd Gay Shippy Feels moment of the year.  as soon as the ceremony was over i wrote a fic about it and haven’t looked back.  between this + watching almost every 2018 World Cup game and the women’s world cup (during which I cried during argentina’s last game because of that miraculous penalty) i finally achieved my years-long goal of getting into Futbol(TM).  Antoine dropped his spotify playlist and my crush on him turned into Intense Love (TM) and also he introduced me to some legit awesome artists.  which led to (fav music)

july, in which i wrote “ça c’est ma dope” which is definitely the best thing i’ve written since i wrote “modernity towering in front of the sky” almost exactly 10 years before. got embroiled in Soccer Transfer Drama and learned its pain for the first time (unfortunately, since i wound up attaching my heart-wagon to barça’s Suddenly Least Favorite Player, the transfer drama pain has...never ended) became a full-fledged culé, O the joy O the honor.  i wanted to ship antoine with someone on the team, which in their current chemistry-less season is a real challenge, but after seeing a few photos i decided it would be fun to casually ship antoine + ivan rakitic (partially because, ever since i went from Enemies to Lovers with the croatia NT during the World Cup, he was one of the only players i knew anything about other than messi, suárez, and piqué lmao). while looking on ao3 to see what kind of headcanons people had about him--and the fic is definitely in general better than what’s out there about antoine, which is perplexing because antoine is much easier to write than ivan--i found That Amazing Rakidric Fic and thought “oh wait that ship makes a lot of sense” and started also shipping ivan and luka with the fire of a thousand suns.  oh and my air conditioner was broken for like 3 weeks. i worked on more fics, seriously outlining the path of Trophy Boyfriend, and my music taste was killer. (fav music)

in august i finished Trophy Boyfriend in my neighborhood Starbucks after writing the scene that was giving me the most trouble (the scene at the beginning where they’re organizing their book collection). the fic has made multiple people cry and people disagree on whether justin’s choice at the end was the right one and god i’m so proud of it.  Instantly went on to write ‘i might not mind,’ a lively lighthearted Friends to Lovers ivantoine~ romp which was definitely going to be a one-off and i was definitely not going to get an extra celeb crush out of it,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, (fav music)

in september ivantoine became A Thing in my mind and it’s a whole ongoing slow-burn character-arcy series that has taken a very different turn than i had expected. i’m not saying it’s like, the most deep writing of all time, but it’s gone to some interesting places emotionally. honestly, ships and boners aside, the concept of a person who made some really stupid homophobia 101 comments many years ago slowly realizing over and over again that they have gay feelings for a man who seems rather comfortable with gayness is a fascinating one and one that’s really cool to explore in writing.  Or at least, i think so.  in many ways ivan is my most unreliable narrator because of the many layers of Discomfort, Emotion and Repression at play in the fic while he’s interacting with this pretty cheery and uncomplicated seeming-dude who’s still perceptive enough to sort of know what’s going on (and that’s not even adding in the star player/falling from grace former rockstar dynamic!!!)  i know in the current climate it’s Not Allowed to write about someone who said a bad, but luckily i’m too old to give a Fuck. ivantoine is hard to write but it’s my bff’s favorite ship of mine and has a few other excited fans on ao3 which tbh is kind of an accomplishment considering i made it up out of thin air and it’s not something you’d ever think would be a thing. instantly also developed ‘getting called out about ivan by a child on the internet’ as a goal.  and...i achieved my dream of leading high holiday services!!! (fav music)

october had more high holiday services and i worked a lot on certain fics (including d*janfic which would be fun to finish). i came up with the idea of a Very Long Rakidric Fic based on the translation of a gorgeous croatian folk song i sang in college (Janko fell asleep under the poplar/My dear and beloved/My beautiful dark eyes/Look at me/Under the poplar's golden branch/My dear and beloved/My beautiful dark eyes/Look at me/I tore off the golden branch/My dear and beloved/My beautiful dark eyes/Look at me--in which the golden branch is a reference to a way to get into the underworld). decided to start quarter-assedly learning croatian for fun.  Fun...ha.  other than fangirling a lot and watching the croatian NT play, october was pretty uneventful? i think? Justin got reelected and mauricio didn’t ;( (fav music)

in november i finally achieved my dream of having a literal child on the internet call me out about being attracted to a homophobe.  (they were a madridista even!) accidentally started writing some more rakidric and now i’m seriously hooked.  also accidentally came out of the closet about the secret crush i’d been harboring on luka modric and then one fateful day in the ihop on 14th st i realized i’d had this crush already and repressed it from my memory. Don’t do that kids! now it’s Hurting Really Bad. Ivan dropped the most pathetic and candid interview like...ever and i hope “¿Cómo puede disfrutar uno? Jugando al fútbol. ¿Cómo se siente mi hija pequeña cuando le quitan un juguete? Triste. Yo me siento igual. Me han quitado la pelota, me siento triste” goes down in the history of most epic futbol quotes of all time.  (still haven’t actually been able to watch this because no one has uploaded it anywhere)  What else...............Am i forgetting anything? i celebrated my birthday with @tender-vittles in epic fashion after two years of Not doing that, and turned 32 going on 15.  enjoyed my first-ever “x reader” fic (zlatko dalic x reader LOL) and finished “drive your plow over the bones of the dead” which was real fucking good. i saw hozier live and it was a religious experience and i unexpectedly cried during nina cried power and then called myself “Luka B” when ordering at the classy taco bell across the street after getting a glimpse of alexxx ryan in the flesh. (fav music)

now it’s december and my seasonal depression is a little worse than it’s been the past few years but i’m managing.  still shipping and writing and i just got called out about ivan again last week.  i’m 2 for 2 here!  el clásico was boring but also it was gay and my heart my heart my heart ! Anything could happen in the last 10 days of this year and honestly...I’m pretty sure I’m ready.

Most importantly this year, despite it being not that great in a lot of ways, I developed a lot more self confidence, made many important realizations, and became a lot more peaceful (despite how this post makes me sound) and wiser and less bitter and pessimistic.  And i became outspoken enough about antisemitism on the left to lose friends over it...3 for 3.  i can’t say i’m displeased with these developments.

Hasta 2020! <3

[unproduciblesmackdown]

numbers divisible by 2 or 3 but not both

sick you Know it was a continual challenge to remember what tf this entails!

2. Favorite thing to wear to sleep?

oh keepin it comfy. like, naked sleeping is fine. shorts n shirts that are light…..socks i GUESS if it’s cold, i hate winter

3. What song really gets you going?

i have no go-to Anythings. i was just listening to vimh and oh boy that frenetic outro…..it Has the energy

4. Where do you usually eat your meals?

im feral. bed. 

8. Soft or hard tacos?

Hard

9. Worst way to break up a fight?

you start physically attacking both parties

10. Best thing to say in an elevator of strangers?

nothing!!! elevators are for collective tense silence

14. Socks or bare feet around the house?

in an ideal world i can be barefooted as much as possible…

15. Favorite board game?

aggravation…..so little strategy, it’s beautiful

16. Do you sleep with the fan on or off?

off unless it’s Real hot…i do appreciate some white noise though

20. Last thing you cried about?

well i got teared up about stagedorks again, and will roland

21. At what age did you first have alcohol?

idk it was prior to 21 though that i first consumed spirits

22. Relationship status?

solo production i call it!!

26. Gum or breath mints?

gum

27. Favorite shoes?

i like sandals where you’re pretty strapped in there

28. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

this l’anxiety is a pain

32. Most embarrassing thing your parents have caught you doing?

idk, singing? enjoying things?? at any given time i was just probably reading or something, very uninteresting. for example i could never be grounded b/c i was just always at home probably reading.

33. Last time you had an orgasm?

i’ve never come (lmao) close….primary anorgasmia club, aka god’s prank!!

34. Celebrity crush(es)?

anytime i like a celebrity well enough it’s like well let’s file this one away as a celeb crush, that’s the usual order of things…. shoutout to all the times i get misty-eyed abt william roland like oh god…..beautiful content…

38. What color do you wear the most?

uh i guess white but that’s just like, coincidence. usually i go for blue! yet probably look best in green! lol

39. Favorite season?

summer! b/c i hate winter

40. Umbrella or rain coat?

umbrella

44. Are you a competitive person?

i kinda can be, but i basically never want to be so i just choose to not be competitive lmfao

45. Least favorite color?

uhh i guess if it’s like rainbow rules, either red or yellow. just kinda can be a bit much yknow

46. First pet you’ve ever owned?

well as soon as i was born i think there was already two cats around. oh also a border collie

50. Talk about something you’re passionate about.

i’m the hater….i’m just thinking of things i can go on off the cuff Hater Rants for like 23 min about. everything i’m passionate about i’ve already been not shutting up about so like

51. What are some of your hobbies?

thinking about drawing. i’m doing that right now

52. Caffeine? If so, what kind?

i’ve never had caffeine Work for me

56. Something that ruins your appetite?

ooh it’s hard. i’m pretty much good re: anything. something put me off for a moment a few weeks ago and that’s so remarkable i took mental note of it and forgot it.

57. Favorite labels about you?

wow labels…..all the gay ones are pretty great. and the trans ones

58. Are you a religious person?

no

62. Have you ever told someone you loved them first?

probably?? but i don’t really know

63. Have you ever had sex on the first date?

i’ve never had the first date, so no

64. Heroes or villains?

uhh heroes…they tend to be better…..

68. Least favorite vegetable?

i like corn on the cob but not like, creamed corn or just when it’s not on the cob as much. once i had like, steamed lettuce or spinach or something leafy and later on my mom said this never happened and i was like oh it happened. i remember. b/c the texture is a nightmare

69. How many plates can you eat at a buffet?

oh probs a solid three at any given time. or more

70. Favorite dessert?

ice cream

74. What’s one interesting thing about your culture?

it’s really a stretch to think i have any culture that’s actually a culture uh……how about regional linguistics in that i’m from the east coast / near dc but my parents lived in the midwest for ages so there’s just fun lil things like when you take a store/restaurant name and add __’s to the end and other stuff where i don’t realize it’s apparently a midwestern thing even though i’m not from the midwest

75. What’s one annoying thing about your culture?

christmas

76. What job would you be terrible at?

anything involving surgery. i Don’t have steady hands. all these people around? you have to talk to them?? also, you have to pay attention??? no thanks. also, i don’t know how to do it

80. Has your opinion changed on something recently?

not that i can think of

81. Do you always order the same thing at a restaurant or order something different each time?

if it’s a place i frequent enough yeah i like to find the thing i Like and then just order it always

82. What’s something you’ve always wanted to try but haven’t yet?

don’t get me started! lol!

86. What’s one amazing thing you did that nobody was around to see?

well the first time i parallel parked i had never even like, practiced it before, just read The Theory, and i was alone in a minivan on an incline but i did it anyways

87. If you could change your height, would you?

nah

88. What’s something you would rate 10/10?

the way winston says “Q is for ‘quantitative,’ baby” as well as the fact that he says it

92. What’s something you would get arrested for?

not gonna tell on myself like that……

93. What’s your spirit animal?

i couldn’t have one

94. What’s the luckiest thing that’s ever happened to you?

probably like never dying in a car crash. oh also eventually having legal ownership of a car

98. Thoughts on the oxford comma?

it only ever clarifies things so i’m pro-

99. What do you hope never changes?

the world having not ended…our existence ykno

[quackspot]

imagine someone just going 1-200 and you have to answer 200 questions for a stranger

well u better strap up becuase im about to do it

200: My crush’s name is: i dunno who do u think my crush’s name is199: I was born in: a year which is 2004198: I am really: a homo sapien197: My cellphone company is:  i think its samsung196: My eye color is: brown195: My shoe size is: 9 or 9.5 i think just 9194: My ring size is: WAIT RINGS HAD SIZES????? i dunno193: My height is: 5′4 ISH but i just say 5′4 because im actually really sensitive about my height and the less than an inch that brings me to 5′4 makes me somewhat happier with myself192: I am allergic to: maybe dustmites 191: My 1st car was: not yet190: My 1st job was: NOT YET189: Last book you read: technically a book called Dad Jokes theyre really funny jokes but if you mean story with plot then probably Grand & Humble unless if you include everything then yesterday i peeked in some books188: My bed is: a bed which i sleep in and that’s pretty much it actually i havent really made my bed in a while 187: My pet: jax and nibsy r the family pets jax is a shih-poo shihtzu poodle mix and nibsy is a cat186: My best friend: my brother185: My favorite shampoo is: shampoo184: Xbox or ps3: hard choice there’s xbox overall and little big planet this is actually a very hard choice lksiiro3jedsklmf,gsda little big planet is great........................183: Piggy banks are: piggy banks. theyre great182: In my pockets: I DONT HAVE POCKETS IM A WOMAN181: On my calendar: whats a calendar lol!!!!180: Marriage is: marriage 179: Spongebob can: dodod od odo dodooo178: My mom: IS GREAT i lov her shes a good mom177: The last three songs I bought were? i dont buy songs i listen to them176: Last YouTube video watched: i mean im listening to boyfriend big time rush on youtube right now but if you mean actual watching its snufkin saying “hi moomin” to moomin a quick 6 second clip175: How many cousins do you have? i duno174: Do you have any siblings? yeah173: Are your parents divorced? yeah172: Are you taller than your mom? probably not :(171: Do you play an instrument? i play the trumpet i did it today and it was really boring i dont want to go to any more graduations not even my own170: What did you do yesterday? things[ I Believe In ]169: Love at first sight: not really but somewhat and i like it because its a fun little thing to put in fiction 168: Luck: yea im very lucky167: Fate: its my destiny to die someday . . .. .  in the futuuuuuuuuuuure

166: Yourself: as far as im aware no165: Aliens: yeah probably164: Heaven: i know it probably isnt real but i cant help believing163: Hell:i know it probably isnt real but i cant help believing162: God: only to blame them for stuff161: Horoscopes: yea theyre fun to read160: Soul mates: ehehehehehhe fun in fanfiction and would greatly b ok with it irl159: Ghosts: who else would hold my hand at night...... not even a ghost :) (but yea i do believe in them when i grow up i wana be a ghost)158: Gay Marriage: why wouldnt i believe in gay marriage 157: War: what is it good for156: Orbs: borb155: Magic: i like magic so i will believe in it [ This or That ]154: Hugs or Kisses: yes153: Drunk or High: probably high i guess152: Phone or Online: ONLINE151: Red heads or Black haired: black haired 150: Blondes or Brunettes: BRUNETTES dude blondes r ok but i personally like darker hair149: Hot or cold: hot148: Summer or winter: SUMMER I HATE WINTER SO FUCKIGNT OASJKU*($@IRWJKOSDIUOKLJEZUDIFLK:LDSK:LKF:LJIODSKZVDJFKL mostly becuase i hate being cold and i hate snow becuase i have to shovel snow and its so cold147: Autumn or Spring: either one 146: Chocolate or vanilla: choc o late145: Night or Day: night144: Oranges or Apples: apples143: Curly or Straight hair: curly but i guess straight is ok142: McDonalds or Burger King: burbger king good milkshakese141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: idk uhh milk chocolate140: Mac or PC: pc139: Flip flops or high heals: neither......138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: ugly and rich i can just buy surgeries to make me prettier lmao137: Coke or Pepsi: coke136: Hillary or Obama: i dont wanna answer this :(((((( i dont like being bullied135: Burried or cremated: cremated babye put me in the flames ;3c134: Singing or Dancing: i like singing i like dancing i like trains 133: Coach or Chanel: what132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: who are these people131: Small town or Big city: im just a mere small town babye ;3c big cities sound scary 130: Wal-Mart or Target: target has the good cheeseballs129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: i only know adam sandler128: Manicure or Pedicure: i dont do my nails 127: East Coast or West Coast: uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhh both are coasts126: Your Birthday or Christmas: birthday i get more gifts then uwu125: Chocolate or Flowers: chocolate124: Disney or Six Flags: disney because idk what six flags is isnt it a restaurant or something123: Yankees or Red Sox: a baseball bat [ Here’s What I Think About ]122: War: what is it good for!121: George Bush: idk 120: Gay Marriage: yeah gay rights119: The presidential election: im not that into politics so i dont understand the elections and i dont think their fair since i get all my facts from adam ruins everything this isnt even a joke118: Abortion: pro choice i dont giv a crap about some lifeless baby. its only alive if it can properly move its arms or cry or feel.117: MySpace: haha dead116: Reality TV: idk 115: Parents: theyre parents 114: Back stabbers: ow my back113: Ebay: website.... money112: Facebook: lizard man111: Work: what110: My Neighbors: idk who they are but my old neighbor was one of my best friends i should talk to him this summer109: Gas Prices: probably too high108: Designer Clothes: clothes107: College: something i dont plan on going to any time soon106: Sports: something i dont plan on doing any time soon105: My family: a family104: The future: spooky. very scary. idk what my job will be[ Last time I ]103: Hugged someone: idk (update it was today)102: Last time you ate: 4:13 ish i made ramne101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: i duno100: Cried in front of someone: today i suppose i almost cried???? maybe my dentist appointment a few weeks ago??99: Went to a movie theater: lego movie 2 i think98: Took a vacation: 6th grade im in 9th grade now its been like 3 years97: Swam in a pool: over 1 year i dont go to the pool anymore96: Changed a diaper: NEVER AND I NEVER PLAN ON IT95: Got my nails done: i duno94: Went to a wedding: i also dunno its been too long93: Broke a bone: not that i can recal92: Got a peircing: never and never will91: Broke the law: i duno90: Texted: just now i told my mommy to pick me up it wasl ike 1 hour ago[ MISC ]89: Who makes you laugh the most: me88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: my momy and nibsy and jax and probably zach but he’d already move out by the time i leave87: The last movie I saw: i dont remember probably lego movie 2 or osmething on tv86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: next year drama club85: The thing im not looking forward to: dying?????? idk man 84: People call me: moto moto (not really idk what they call me)83: The most difficult thing to do is: the most difficult thing82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: never though i probs will someday81: My zodiac sign is: aquarius sun leo moon aries rising80: The first person i talked to today was: probably kiley79: First time you had a crush: kindergarten i think78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: myself77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: idk76: Right now I am talking to: nobody 75: What are you going to do when you grow up: *has a crisis over my future plans as i do not know*74: I have/will get a job: im gona work at target or burger king next year maybe it depends on if they like me73: Tomorrow: 5/20..............72: Today: today71: Next Summer: in a theater near u70: Next Weekend: my first summer weekend 69: I have these pets: I ALREAD YSAID WHAT PETS I HAVE I LOVE NIBSY WITH ALL MY HEART and jax with some extra parts of my heart68: The worst sound in the world: a sound67: The person that makes me cry the most is: me66: People that make you happy: me65: Last time I cried: ealier today64: My friends are: online63: My computer is: on62: My School: is a school61: My Car: nonexistent 60: I lose all respect for people who: are really mean and seem to hate people for being happy. people who make jokes that make me uncomfortable. i generally avoid them.59: The movie I cried at was: all of them58: Your hair color is: brown57: TV shows you watch: idk56: Favorite web site: idk probs youtube55: Your dream vacation: nowhere 54: The worst pain I was ever in was: A FEW WEEKS AGO I GOT STITCHES IN MY MOUTH AND IT REALLY HURT UGHGTUERIJOKFLDc53: How do you like your steak cooked: edible52: My room is: a room51: My favorite celebrity is: myslef..... just kidding idk any celebs 50: Where would you like to be: where i am 49: Do you want children: no 48: Ever been in love: hoo ha hoo ha i duno how love feels exactly47: Who’s your best friend: MY BROTHER46: More guy friends or girl friends: guys i think 99% of my friends are my brothers friends so45: One thing that makes you feel great is: being happy44: One person that you wish you could see right now: nobody right now but sometimes kiley43: Do you have a 5 year plan: 5 years??? haha no i only plan on using savings accounts to make a bit more money and MAYBE moving to kiley but idk for sure since i like my parents and my brother and my parents plan on driving around in an rv but idk man moving to another state would be HARD and im kinda lazy and i’d have to get a whole new driver’s license 42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: no41: Have you pre-named your children: lmao all my ideas are jokes40: Last person I got mad at: probably myslef39: I would like to move to: my bed???????38: I wish I was a professional: personer. talker. socialer. [ My Favorites ]37: Candy: probably snickers or a salted nut roll36: Vehicle: big car. tahoe shape. tahoe size. idk. something like a tahoe thats my only reference35: President: I Don’t Care34: State visited: probably florida its the only one of 3 states i’ve been to33: Cellphone provider: what32: Athlete: WHAT31: Actor: idk 30: Actress: idk29: Singer: not me? me? idk28: Band: taaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaally hall??? ? ?? ? ?? ? ? ? I DONT KNOWIJ DSKJZLFKSJKLDSHDLfjklskl;fdkl;sfk;laf 27: Clothing store: i legit have like no faves god this is the hardest part26: Grocery store: target probably25: TV show: maybe the simpsons???24: Movie: idk ive seen a lot of movies23: Website: one of them22: Animal: one of them21: Theme park: universal studios20: Holiday: none of them theyre all ok but ??? meh19: Sport to watch: none.18: Sport to play: idk i dont like being competitive but??????? gym class is a fun sport! :)17: Magazine: none of them16: Book: one of them15: Day of the week: wednesday sounds like a good day. maybe sundays. 14: Beach: what13: Concert attended: frankly the only concerts i’ve been to are my own12: Thing to cook: probably ramen11: Food: cheeseballs??????? burger king milkshake, a drink?10: Restaurant: buuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrger kiiiiiiiiiiing?9: Radio station: 101.9 kelo eff emmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm8: Yankee candle scent: what7: Perfume: what6: Flower: what5: Color: red or purple4: Talk show host: wha

3: Comedian: i duno2: Dog breed: one of them1: Did you answer all these truthfully?  yeah i tried but i kinda gave up slightly after i came back from a graduation party though i also kind of gave up from the start so

[charliecoxbf]

1, 3, 5, 15, 20, 30, 36

01. who’s your celebrity crush?My current Celeb Crush is Connor Maguire (my favorite porn star right now). He posted these photos

on his Twitter and I was suddenly very aware that I wanted to marry him.

Bonus: My phone lockscreen and background

03. rant. just do itAlright. I am sick and tired of people who get paid to provide a service and then act as if they’re doing you the biggest favor in the entire godforsaken world by doing their goddamn fucking job like usually i side with like the workers on this kind of argument, cause, you know, i used to work retail and i remember limping home with my feet actually bleeding because i had to stand for several hours non stop with a smile on my face as if i weren’t in the worst pain i have ever felt in my fucking life (this coming from the man who put aftershave on his penis, which, let me tell you, it doesn’t feel the same on your penis. it hurts. a lot. mom hears me wince in pain and barges in like “what happened are you okay are you hurt” and I’m just standing there with an open bottle of after-shave and a boner that won’t go down. Can you imagine how awkward that is the second time? Yep, I did it twice.) and I know that the only reason I had to walk home bleeding every day was because my boss wouldn’t let me sit down because entitled costumers (the I Wanna Speak To Your Manager kind) Always Take That to mean that the worker is lazy (the manager, however, could sit whenever he wanted. God I wanted to punch him. Also kiss him cause he was super hot, but mostly punch him for not letting me sit). ANYWHO. Despite all that today I have to be one of those people that go BUT THIS IS JUST LAZY about a worker, and it hurts me to do it, but it’s just them facts like. Ok so i went to a drug store to buy those little bottles of hand sanitizer. you know, the ones that you carry around to wipe your hands constantly if you're lowkey afraid of catching The Plague from that one stranger who sneezed in front of you one time six months ago? Yeah i love those things. I basically shower in them whenever i leave the house. The other day an ugly man who smelled like he avoids soap on account that soap killed his parents touched my shoulder and honestly pouring half a bottle of hand sanitizer directly onto my skin actually kept me from feeling the urge to rip off my entire arm and replace it with a Stainless Steel Winter Soldier arm, which is my usual reaction to being touched by strangers I don’t want touching me. (Fun fact: I’m also the man who’s sucked the dicks of strangers who were attractive dilfs who smelled like they shower every day after meeting them at that same grocery store, so. The dichotomy of man I guess lmao) SO ANYWAYS i’m at the grocery store looking for hand sanitizer and i ask the lady at the shop like “excuse me, ma’am, do you have Hand Sanitizer? the small, portable kind?” and she’s like talking to her friend or something and she turns to me and honestly she looks at me the same way i looked at the ugly smelly man who lost his parents in a soap-related accident, and she goes “yeah” and she turns back to her friend and goes back to talking to her friend like i’m not even there and i’m like “alright, could you point me towards where you keep the hand sanitizer?” and she straight up groans like a loud UGH and she turns around without saying anything and walks towards the hand sanitizers, picks up a bottle, hands it to me like “there” and then turns around and walks back to her friend without another word and like ??? the whole time??? she looked like she was super inconvenienced?? by me asking her to sell me something??? at her place of work??? where her job is literally??? to sell people things????? and the cashier she noticed cause she was like extra polite and of course i’m not a monster so i thanked her and told her to have a lovely day and made a point of not telling Edgy Acting-Like-A-Moody-Teenager Grown-Ass-Woman saleslady to have a lovely day, instead just telling her "good day” like a stereotypical passive-aggressive douche, and then i rubbed hand sanitizer on the bottle of hand sanitizer because i don’t want her rude ass germs anywhere near my person. 

05. how many accounts do you have?Like, on Tumblr? This one.

15. what’s a question do you constantly get asked?Hmm. For some reason people keep trying to get me to buy into their pyramid schemes? 

20. describe your blog in 3-5 wordsLifestyle Blog. Whatever That Is.

30. if you had to dye your hair an unnatural color right now, what would you choose?Hmm. Right now?? Green. 

36. what do you think you’d be arrested for?I got no idea tbh. 

[setapartghoul]

Get to Know Me

Rules: Tag Ten Tumblrs You Want To Get To Know

***Tagged by the lovely @ephemeral-existences! <3

name: abby

gender: female

star sign: pre or post ophiuchus? lmao. i am supposedly a gemini.

height: 5′1″

middle name: per a friend of mine, “loophole” (...my real one does begin with the same letter)

put your itunes on shuffle… what are the first six songs that pop up?: 

well this is a pretty prime example of how eclectic my music taste actually is (because this got random af):

Blue Orchid by The White Stripes [x] 

Sweatpants by Childish Gambino [x] 

Down to the Sea by Elephant Revival [x] 

Old Man by Neil Young [x] 

Sunset Lover by Petit Biscuit [x] 

Don’t Dream It’s Over by Crowded House [x] (lmao) 

grab the book nearest to you and turn to page 23. what does line 17 say?:

“He did not dare to turn and run for his brother could outrun him. He backed slowly away, his eyes frightened and his throat dry.”  

— John Steinbeck, East of Eden

when was the last time you played air guitar?: i’m more of an air drummer. and last night in my car.

who is your celebrity crush?: *grumbles* cole sprouse... (listen– celeb crushes are veerrrrry rare for me, and i still don’t know how i got here.)

what’s a sound you love?: 

rain against a window. 

my cat’s purr + my dog’s soft snore when he’s sleeping. 

the soft tapping of someone typing on a laptop in the background.

the ambience of a school gym while a basketball game is taking place (i used to nap in the bleachers as a kid). 

literally any musical performance that triggers frisson in me. which happens a lot (thank) and it’s the most amazing feeling.

and hate?: 

the sound of cardboard scraping against itself. 

arrhythmic beats/patterns. 

i could go the rest of my life without having to hear Let’s Get It Started by the Black Eyed Peas ever again.

same goes for literally everything the Beach Boys have ever made.

nursery rhymes in horror movies - honestly, that shit haunts me.

the theme song from Two and a Half Men. i fucking hate it. every time i hear that intro i feel one step closer to my anti-hero origin story.

do you believe in ghosts?: only when i’m feeling a bit ghoulish. 

do you drive and if so, have you ever crashed?: yes. yes, the night that i got my driver’s license. (seriously!) i backed into a tree at a friend’s house. in my defense, she lived in the boonies, it was pitch black outside, and i was a brand new driver. also, i drive a jeep and was going very slowly, so all that happened was the tree bumped the spare tire on the back of my jeep. no harm no foul.

what was the last book you read?: Bonhoeffer by Eric Metaxas 

do you like the smell of gasoline?: ...maybe so.

what was the last movie you saw?: my family talked me into seeing A Bad Moms Christmas at the theater last weekend. wish i still had that $20.

what’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?: honestly, i’ve broken a few different bones, had gashes so deep that i had to get stitches, scraped up an entire side of my body falling down a tree, and been in a pretty bad car accident, and yet, no pain i have ever experienced compares to the pure torture of passing kidney stones. my body is prone to making these little suckers, so i’ve already had 20+ kidney stones in my mere 27 years of life. which is some bullshit if you ask me. 

do you have any obsessions right now?: riverdale’s got me on lock atm. 

Tagging: @tallulalusa @village-skeptic @soyforramen @theatreofexpression @strix @nimmieamee @a-true-janian-reply @lessoleilscouchants @raptorlily @jugandbettsdetectiveagency and @onceuponamirror 

no pressure if these aren’t your thing! but if you’re up for it, i’d love to hear your answers. also, sorry if you’ve already been tagged. i suppose some tag overlap is to be expected. 

and to anyone else who would like to do this, please feel free to say that i tagged you. i love getting to know people on here :)

[garden-of-muses]

Tagged by: @in-your-submissive-dreams Rules: Tag 10 followers you want to get to know better

@canorousaffinities, @thecollectivein-sane, @vvavescrashing, @mollysmythtymsyllom, @redemptivexheroics, @morbidmatt , @redemptivexheroics, @abhorration, @residuex, @loveaddiicted & @anyone else who wants to do this lil get-to-know thing

Name: A

Gender: Female

Star Sign: Aries <3

Height: 5′1″...yes, sadly i’m this short & petite lil thing :)P

What’s your middle name? Haha, nope, you have to get to know me better to dig up that much personal info ;) Put your iTunes on shuffle. What are the first 6 songs that popped up? 1. Knocking on Heavens Door -Raign 2. Brave - Sara Bareilles 3. Everytime We Touch- Cascada 4. Take Me Back to the Night We Met- Lord Huron 5. Lay All your Love on Me- ABBA 6.  DJ Got Us Fallin’ In Love- Usher

Grab the book nearest you and turn to page 23. What’s line 17?  “ I should think that was what he wanted most to avoid.”

Ever had a poem or song written about you?  No, I don’t think so. When was the last time you played air guitar? Don’t judge me, but I’ve never got the chance to? I always wanted to try though. Who is your celebrity crush? areyoufuckingkiddingme?? I  have way too many celeb crushes to list down. It would take at least a dozen sheets of paper, I should think to finish listing off all of my celeb crushes XD What’s a sound you hate; sound you love? Sound I hate: Long, sharp nails scratching against the blackboard or wall or any concrete surface that makes that 1000% cringe-worthy screeching sound. Sound I love:  The voices of each and every one of my loved ones.

Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?  Nope and on the fence about the latter. Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed? Yes, and no, but I have accidentally scratched against some strangers car before, by accident. What was the last book you read? Stranger in My Arms, by Lisa Kleypas.  An A+ book by one of my fav authors. It’s seriously such a good read!!^^ Do you like the smell of gasoline? No What was the last movie you saw? On laptop? “Hitman Agent 47″. In the cinemas, it was “American Made”.  What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had? A minor muscle inflammatory injury all over my neck, shoulders and upper back. It even hurt to breathe for the first several hours. Do you have any obsessions right now? the  F.R.I.E.N.D.S tv series will forever be one of my ultimate & constant obsessions,  Creative Writing, Gotham, Riverdale and my top 5 tv/movie OTP’s. Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong? Not really, unless they have done something that is so devastatingly painful and damn ugly horrible, which only happened twice with me I think so far *knocks wood* In a relationship? Nope. Single What loser? hahaha what does this even mean? lmao

[cloveroctobers]

(A/n: this might be a little biased since I’m in love with this man & I’m basing the relationship parts of this on my mc/myself so hope y’all don’t mind 😬)

IG info/bio: @/lucas.koh | 93.1k followers | for business inquires please visit: kohptr.com

LUCAS KOH —

27 (28) years old

From Oxford, England

Father is Korean & a car salesman at a Nissan dealership, he’s a strict/serious man who has high morals but beyond that he can actually be a softie in rare moments (+ that’s who Lucas gets his height from 🤤)

Mother is actually Chinese but lived in Korea studying abroad and eventually became a successful chiropractor (s/o to doctor mondragon on YouTube who I watch to help me sleep some nights and wish I could see! Lol) with her own practice. She’s a firecracker, intelligent, and quick to say what’s on her mind and doesn’t care if you like what she’s got to say. Most patients like that about her, she’s honest and her family is used to her ways but in the same way it’s more loving than offensive? (Smol woman but will remind you when she’s cracking your body she’s got enough power in her)

Either he’s a only child or he comes from a family of all boys with two younger brothers (they’re all in their 20’s) or he has one younger brother and one younger sister idk you decide

I’m feeling like he’s a Sagittarius? Carefree in the terms of he wasn’t viewing finally getting with MC when she’s dating someone else as cheating. Mans was READY to risk it all for me okay and I was down for it but ofc I had to react realistically and NOT “cheat.” *sigh* one part of me was debating ‘are we really dating tho bobby? We’re on reality tv. We’re not gonna die without each other if we hang out in seperate rooms’ *cough* Nope. but I’m a woman about her loyalty

He’s definitely adventurous. I don’t see him as the type to want to stay home all the time even tho his work definitely keeps him busy/exhausted. He’s down for road trips 💯

Occupation? Physicotherapist. His mother inspired him to get into the field and watching sports + the way players got their injuries always intrigued him? So to provide the best plan to have someone heal was something he loved to do plus being hands on while teaching/helping was a passion for him + I feel like he would also use a massaging technique instead of the usual exercise part of it

Now as someone who suffered a ACL & Mensicus tear & is STILL dealing with this BS pain years later, I would be so thankful to have him around! I feel like he’d have a optimistic attitude towards his patients and that’s what people need not someone that’s insensitive (like my surgeon/PT’s I had)

He models from time to time, when he was first approached about it he was upfront about not wanting to do it. It was much different than getting your picture taken for the office. That’s usually quick, the whole modeling process felt longer but somehow he was talked into it by his brother who’s a photographer and his mother. “Do you think you’re ugly? ‘Cause I’m not and you’re a part of me, so therefore there’s no such thing. Just look at your cheekbones, your jawline! I gave you those. The only good thing your father gave you was height.” Which filled the house with snickers while Lucas’ father just rolled his eyes and continued reading his newspaper for breakfast

Has a motorcycle and some luxurious car—not a Tesla those are basic now 🤷🏽‍♀️

Loves his motorcycle so much he’s got a tat of it on his right bicep

He has two available parking spaces in his parking garage at his penthouse but keeps his bike away in a storage unit due to a neighbor scratching it after his girlfriend broke up with him? Saying she was off to date Lucas? But that wasn’t true at all. He barely knew the girl, they didn’t live on the same floor. People were crazy but if you push him his temper might come out

Owns a leather jacket that he paid a lot for

Believes in “treat yo self” if it means in quality when shopping and has no issue being a big spender but he knows how to manage it well (his father told him all about how his own father dealt with bankruptcy)

Since he’s often at the office the whole day, he’s usually a night owl. He loves night drives and night dining. That’s usually when he finds the best places to eat

There’s this one pho spot that he loves and it’s his go to spot when he wants something quick on the way home

Cannot sleep with his entire body covered in covers, either his arms/shoulders have to be out or his legs, which would be a issue for me/mc since I sleep with the covers over my entire body...yes even in hot weather with the AC cranked up😂

He also makes great kimchi fried rice & loves Italian food

Will wine and dine. I believe it. I envision it! He loves going out on dates with his significant other (If he’s single and not with me, I think he’d try out speed dating)

Will dress to impress, will buy you a new fit he wants to see you/us/mc in especially if it’s your anniversary

Loves taking bubble bath’s with infused oils or flower petals with significant other

He’s the type that takes long showers & it brings him a true sense of freedom. He’s never able to take a quick shower, he gets lost in his ideas of what to do next in this world & it’s limitless

If he’s in for the day, which usually doesn’t last long—he’s either in sweats or in a robe all day

Only drives his bike on the weekend or if he’s going out of town but if he’s going on a trip for a couple of days with MC & if she’s got a bit of anxiety like me? He’ll stick to his car to make them comfortable

I feel like he enjoys the winter season. Maybe if it’s a slushy rainy winter more than a blizzards/snowy season. He loves bundling up, much to people’s surprise. He’s more than just his good looks and body love island fans!!!

Doesn’t post much on his socials. If you need to see what he’s about then you should do so in person or already know who he is. The internet can’t tell you much, in his opinion

Keeps himself in good health, I mean duh what kind of PT would he be 😉 goes on night jogs with reflector clothes on & occasionally morning jogs & at home workouts

Probably will date someone younger than him. Not by much, I don’t think he can take immaturity well. (That maybe how he views it) The most is 4 years younger than him

Henrik is his best bud from the show. They hang out all the time, crash at each other’s places, and vacation together all the time. They will be each other’s future best men forsure

Doesn’t go out of his way to talk to the rest of the guys from the show but if he happens to browse his feed and sees something he wants to comment on then he’ll carry a conversation of course

Far as the girls? He talks to Hannah & Priya from time to time. He also follows Hope and they like each other’s posts but not much communication is there either?

Either has a mint or black phone case, probably a Samsung galaxy user

Likes pistachio frozen yogurt but he’s lactose & doesn’t want to believe it :(

Smokes cigars when he’s out with his boys

Has a tight knit group of friends, majority of them are from the medical field since they all went to uni together + most of them are also married so the pressure is so on

*He’s the oldest out of his sibs so according to his parents he’s expected to be married first yet his baby sis is engaged and she’s 23*

wants a family...eventually. Probably will happen in his early thirties? The max for children is 2 for him. He knows they can be a HANDFUL due to his own friends who have kids + he’s a godfather and he’s babysat before so he knows how it goes!

enjoys his freedom as stated which further proves he’s a sag lol

Enjoys going to saunas to cleanse his pores/ get rid of toxins. It’s the easiest way for him to do so even tho his brother clowns him for it

His love language is deff physical touch. He loves hugs and resting his chin on top of your head, forehead to forehead, his nose pressed in between the space of your neck and shoulder, gentle squeezes, sitting next to each other with your legs touching, cuddling, sleeping on top of you or you on him, etc

He loves kissing. It’s automatic for him and it can also easily rile him up

Has strong opinions & will show them but will feel like he’s being attacked if it brings on a confrontation/argument

Will forgive and forget

Plays strategy board games

Makes his own natural healing creams & gives samples to his patients depending on their needs

His fav colors are: blue, white, & grey

Will grow a bit of facial hair in the cooler months if it’ll make mc happy (I’m a sucker for facial hair but hate it on myself lmao) but if he dislikes the feeling on his face he will shave and finds he likes a shaven face better, the facial hair makes him look a bit older—which is okay but that’s just his preference

When he stops putting gel in his hair/styling his hair in a quiff hairstyle it shocks fans with mc commenting on one of his pics, “you’re welcome x”

Likes going to the Hard Rock Cafe on causal weekends

also likes getting freaky in public, down for whatever 🤪

He’s a traveler so if he leaves the UK, I’m seeing him land in Toronto, Canada first and falling in love with it. I feel he would vibe well with the culture there, might even consider getting a vacation home in that location

Celeb crushes? Anne Hathaway, Beyoncé, Lupita Nyong'o, Anna Diop, Imaan Hammam, Jodie Comer, Megan Fox, Shay Mitchell, & Cassie Ventura Fine

Oh Lucas. I feel like we have similar tastes? Somewhat. He probably listens to more rock than I do? Maybe 80s rock moreso? & He listens to: WALK THE MOON, Allen Stone (his fav) , Emily king, Gavin Turek, Melanie Fiona, THEY., DPR live, & Sik-k

Anthem = Young the Giant, “Something to believe in”

[africareddie]

haha all the asks,,,,

i’m supposed to be studying- but fuck it i’ll do all of them

1) Put your iTunes on shuffle. Give me the first 6 songs that pop up.

i’m doing this on spotify lol

dancing in the sheets by shalamar

why try by ariana grande

rock and roll music by chuck berry

u can’t touch this by mc hammer

hip to be square by huey lewis & the news

no scrubs by tlc

2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

aha okay so either matt dillon or jules @burgundyrosez because they’re both amazing

3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

“..and heavy steps, and when frost looked up, prepared for anything...” 

4) What do you think about most?

my future 

5) Ever had a poem or song written about you?

yeah a little poem was written about me before and i mean there are songs with my name in it *coughs* sweet caroline *coughs*

6) Do you have any strange phobias?

no, mine aren’t really strange lol

7) What's your religion?

i’m a christian but like i’m not very religious

8) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

riding my bike (if i had one lmao) or walking

9) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

oh gee- i have noooo idea but i love the 1975

10) What was the last lie you told?

er- i can’t remember exactly what it was

11) Do you believe in karma?

eh, idk

12) What does your URL mean?

it’s all about the outsiders so like tuff,, and then outsiders,, boom

13) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

my greatest weakness is probably giving into people easily, like sharing pieces of me i shouldn’t. my greatest strength is,, idk

14) Who is your celebrity crush?

lol is this even a question??? matt dillon, duh

15) How do you vent your anger?

i don’t get angry that often, but when i do i just listen to music to calm myself down

16) Do you have a collection of anything?

i mean i have quite a few antiques, but i wouldn’t call it a collection

17) Are you happy with the person you've become?

yeah, i definitely feel much better about myself then i did like a few weeks ago, but there’s always room for improvement 

18) What's a sound you hate; sound you love?

wow,,, idek about the sound i hate. i love the sound of the waves and rain

19) What's your biggest "what if"?

what if someone actually had a crush on me like they really liked me for me,, that would be something

20) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

nah, not really. i don’t think about that stuff lol

21) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

i don’t get this question lol

22) Smell the air. What do you smell?

i smell air, idk i don’t smell anything

23) What's the worst place you have ever been to?

i don’t know about the w o r s t place, but the burger king bathroom isn’t pleasant (i never eat there anymore oops)

24) Most attractive singer/s of your opposite gender?

elvis presley was cute, also the weeknd is 

25) To you, what is the meaning of life?

it’s like, you were put on this earth, so you should make the most of the time you have. so the meaning of life is just to be able to have the opportunity to do whatever you want, whether that’s skydiving or binge watching a show inside, that’s for you to decide

26) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

nope i don’t drive

27) What was the last movie you saw?

halloween, and now i’m gonna have paranoia about that guy following me when i walk home so great 

28) What's the worst injury you've ever had?

i scraped up my knees pretty bad and i almost broke my nose twice so that was fun

29) Do you have any obsessions right now?

aha everything regarding the 40′s-90′s

30) Ever had a rumor spread about you?

yeah, it’s not fun boys and girls

31) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

i used to, but i learned that they aren’t worth it, so i just let it go

32) What is your astrological sign?

virgo

33) What's the last thing you purchased?

a vinyl record

34) Love or lust?

love, of course. i feel like with lust, that lust will end up turning into love, at least for me35) In a relationship?

nope, single as a pringle

36) How many relationships have you had?

lol not even one. i was sort of close once..-

37) What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

baha what secret weapon idk how ppl like me

38) Where is your best friend?

at her house,,, d  u   h 

39) What were you doing last night at 12 AM?

sleeping 

40) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

yeah, i think i’m a decent person but there’s always someone better

41) You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

fuck it i’m saving that dog idc if i was going to get married or something i will save that dog

42) You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

yeah, i will tell people that actually care about me and stuff. idek, i’d probably tell everyone how i really feel about them and try to get as many things as i can done that i want to do. heck yeah i’d be afraid

43) What's a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

boys will be boys by maureen steele because it’s just amazing and it’s from one of my favorite movies and i just think back to the movie and i smile like an idiot

44) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

communication. always tell your partner what’s on your mind, it helps build trust for one another and it overalls makes you feel better about your relationship. 

45) How can I win your heart?

just like,, appreciate the things i like and just- idk be there for me and tell me how much you care about me

46) Can insanity bring on more creativity?

heck yeah

47) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

i have no clue

48) What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

i have no idea either

49) Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word "heart."

a beautiful thing that can be jumping with joy one moment, and shattering in pain the next

50) Basic question; what's your favorite color/colors?

blue and sunset colors

51) What is your current desktop picture?

it’s the gang like jumping off the little platform thing you guys know what i’m talking about,, it’s in b&w

52) If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?

lol donald trump 

53) What would be a question you'd be afraid to tell the truth on?

um,, like if someone asked how i really felt about them (like if i didn’t like them very much i’d be afraid)

54) You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?

reading people’s minds

55) You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

ummmm probably some point where i was in d.c in 8th grade

56) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

um,, this one thing but i can’t exactly say it so- yeah 

57) You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

i have noooo idea tbh, i’m not really into music celebs like that

58) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

italy boi. or new york

59) Ever been on a plane?

nope

60) Give me your top 5 hottest celebrities.

matt dillon, rob lowe, diane lane, and other peeps my mind is just going blank though