#cc stands for cumulus cloud

[prismaticpichu]

Cloud strife has so much autism n adhd vibes pre getting fucked up by evil science

Y’know what? Valid headcanon! Cloud is so shy and endearing in CC <33 One thing for sure is that he definitely got thrown into the spin cycle once Mako and alien biochem got involved. The poor bean ;-; But even then, that doesn’t stop him from being an absolute CHAMPION, the kind who go and fling raging madmen into a big, steamy bowl of the planet’s lifeblood!

[bluegoblinzz]

Clouds Fill the Mind of the Drone

The room was cramped. Every wall was black and shiny, and the ceiling was low, and the room, for a moment was only lit by a set of square lights on the perimeter of the room. They were the kinds of lights you’d see lining the aisles at a movie theater, but they were a bright white instead of a dim red. I tried to stand, but cold metal pressed against my wrists, holding me back. I shuddered, and I felt a pit in my stomach. I wanted to scream, to shout for help, but I knew whoever my captors were would have none of that. So instead, I shut my eyes and told myself I would be okay… my roommate would realize I’m missing and call someone… I would be found. 

I looked around, trying to calm myself, to ground myself. I tried to observe where I was but not dwell upon why I was there, yet…

Five things you can see…

I can see… a table.

On the table is… a really old computer. Holy fuck that thing is a dinosaur, it’s cube shaped.

And I see… my chair… it’s metal. 

I see… my cuffs attached to the chair… they have a blinking light. Damn, if they can invest in futuristic handcuffs and fancy lights, you’d think the would at least get a new computer. 

And I see… My old sneakers, that I’m wearing. 

I took in a deep breath and shut my eyes. 

Four things I can hear…

…I can only hear my breath…

..also I can hear my heartbeat in my ears… 

… and-

CLICK!

The silence was broken by a loud sharp click, which made me flinch. When I opened my eyes, I saw the screen of the old computer had lit, up, and then went dark. In the middle of a black screen, bright white text appeared in blocky letters.  

‘PRESS ANY KEY TO CONTINUE’

Right when I read those words, the lights on my handcuffs turned green and the cuffs opened up. I stared at the old screen for a moment, taking a deep breath inward before pressing the space key on the keyboard. The entire screen lit up white, and there was a hiss as white noise came from the speakers on either side. Happy cheesy piano music played through the muffled crackling speakers, and a logo appeared on screen. The logo was of the stock cloud image, the one with the three puffs, but it was angular, where each puff was a trapezoid, and the logo was a deep indigo. 

“Hello, and thank you for joining Cumulus,” An enthusiastic female voice spoke. It was muffled and garbled as well. A scene faded into focus on the screen. The screen was fuzzy and the color contrast and lighting were off, too warm. The scene was of a white middle class cishet couple sitting at a breakfast table. The overall enthusiasm of the video, combined with the low quality computer combined with my disposition… It made me feel nauseous. I wondered what I had gotten myself into. 

“Here at Cumulus we are committed to making communities around us are safe, and making work run quicker!” And this was where the video went from weird to frightening. There was a big tall person in a black shiny suit. Or at least I think it was a suit. They were covered head to toe so I couldn't tell if it was a person, but if it were a robot then it would be way too high tech. Well, whatever this… figure was, it had a broad stature and was very muscular. Bright blue lines ran up and down the suit, from its boots, up its torso, and around its arms. On the center of its chest were a set of blue letters and numbers. It said “CC-552”  There was some kind of metallic pack on the back with two tubes that connected to the helm…

And the helm was the strangest part… the eyes were covered with some glowing screen that looked somewhat like ski-goggles… There were two big triangular points on top of the head, which I couldn’t tell if they were supposed to be ears or horns. And where there was supposed to be a nose a and mouth, there was a vague square bump that looked like it could have been the snout of a bull, or some kind of lizard? The muzzle of some animal, is all I could tell. That was where the two tubes connected to. 

… Oh and the suit also had a tail because it couldn’t be weird enough!

Anyway, this thing, whatever it was, put a platter of pancakes on the table. The man sitting  at the table smiled and nodded, and the thing saluted back, and moved stiffly and robotically back to the kitchen counter. The camera dollied out until it was outside of the house, outside of the window looking in at the scene, and soon, the couple was out of view, and another similar suit stood guard with a gun outside the door. The mask here was much more clearly dog-like, the rubber muzzle coming into a point. Except, the lines and numbers on this suit were lime green instead of blue. The numbers on its chest were “GD-001”

  “Our mission is to make life easier and to make everyone happier.” The scene changed; it showed one cat suit manning the counter at some fast-food restaurant, wearing a polo shirt, shorts, and a cap with the fastfood logo on it. Off to the side, another bull suit with the same uniform played with a claw machine, took the toy out of it, and handed it to a child, who jumped for joy when she received her new unicorn toy.

“And we can’t thank YOU enough for helping contribute to that!” The shot there was of four of these suits. Two of them had arms around each other, and all of them either waved to the camera, or held up peace signs.

“So, what do you need to do to join the family? How do YOU get started?” A graphic of a stick figure in a box in front of a computer appeared on screen. 

“Once this video is done, you will have access to the changing room. In there, you change into your uniform.” The stick figure hopped into a second box, and then was replaced by the outline of an anthropomorphic bull.

“Then in the next room, you can gain your visor, batteries, and other implements, to fully become one of our state of the art drones.”  A chill went down my spine, and I felt my breath get stuck in my lungs.

Drones, I thought, that’s what those were… and that’s what they’ll make me. 

“After that, you will have a chat with one of our seasoned employees about any questions you may have working here.” The anthropomorphic bull figure sat at a table in front of another anthropomorphic animal.

‘How do I get out of here?’ was the only question I had, but I had a feeling whoever was there wouldn’t have an answer for me. 

“And in the final room, you begin your programming.”  The little figure hopped into one last box, where it lied down and was overlayed with a spiral. I told myself I wouldn’t go into that room. 

“Take all the time you need growing accustomed to being a drone, but for your own safety and health, please do not wait too long. Thank you for volunteering, and we hope you enjoy working at Cumulus!” The cheesy piano music abruptly came to a stop and the screen went black. 

“Volunteered,” I muttered sarcastically. At that point i was beyond panic; i was completely removed from reality. My chest felt tight and I still felt shaky, but emotionally I felt nothing. My thoughts went from ‘this can’t be happening’ to ‘this isn’t happening. How could it?’ And I believed them. 

A beep and another click made me flinch again, and when I looked down, I noticed the cuffs around my ankles were undone, the lights on them going green as well. To my left: the wall slid upward soundlessly, revealing a brighter room lined with black UV lights. This room was larger, and the ceiling was higher. The walls and ceilings were black the lights revealed zigzagging fluorescent lines on the walls, and blue fluorescent lights on the ground. At the end of the room was a big rubber suit hung on the wall.  Below it were a pair of rubber boots and a helm. The black rubber had an especially shiny coating to it, a thin silvery finish, as if the rubber had been UV coated. There were purple fluorescent markings on the suit as well, with a purple logo of the angular cloud on one shoulder, and big purple numbers written across the chest: “AQ-320.” I walked up to the suit and stared at it… it was mine, they made it for me… 

“I don’t… need to put it on,” I told myself, “They can’t make me.”

But then my heart sank as I had a realization: they had said: “for your own safety and health, please do not wait too long.” They weren’t going to do anything until I put the suit on. My choices were either to comply or to starve. I know a lot of people say that they wish to “die with dignity,” or go by that old phrase “give me liberty or give me death,” but I knew I was weak, and wasn’t ready to die. I could not be a martyr, I’d rather be a drone. 

I changed into the spandex pants. They were especially snug, and there were soft rubber pads all along the outside that made the suit look muscular. Whoever designed this probably did it to intimidate ordinary people, to make them think we’re stronger than we actually are.  The inside of the boots were padded with a soft matte rubber, making them feel squishy to walk in. Next I put the gloves on. There were clips on the edges of the gloves, and different types of clips over each knuckle. The rubber of the gloves was about two or three millimeters thick, making the gloves feel heavy and making my hands feel bigger.

I noticed that there were tiny flat electronic circuits on the inside of the gloves, and on the inside of all the other pieces of the suit as well. I wondered what they would do and why I would need them. I myself was not a robot. Nonetheless I changed into the chest piece of the suit, and it was especially snug and especially heavy. At that point, I couldn’t notice how comfortable, how cozy the suit was. It made me feel both more relaxed and more unnerved. The chest piece also had thicker rubber padding around my pecs, my abs, and my biceps and triceps, telling me that the design was definitely about intimidation. The sleeves and the gloves had matching clips, so I snapped the two together. I knew I was reaching the point of no return. 

And finally there was the helmet. I picked it up and gripped it with my big rubber hands, and stared at its face for a moment. The goggles, or the ‘visor’ as the video called it, was missing, and there were clips to hold it in place. There were two circular clips on either side of the muzzle, probably where those tubes connected to. The muzzle was shorter and snub in comparison to the muzzles in the video, and the helmet had two big, floppy ears. Its cheeks were round but the jaw overall was square

A bunny, I thought to myself, and a chad bunny, at that. 

I held the helmet in one hand, and then slowly reached down behind myself to check something, and I huffed and rolled my eyes when I noticed it was there: a tiny ball of rubber above my lower back. A tail. They HAD to give me a tail. 

Slowly I put the helmet over my head, letting it rest on my crown and my shoulders, and then I snapped the clips of the helm to the clips around my neck on the chest piece. And once I did that, the smaller wall on the rectangular room beside me slid open. There were more fluorescent lines marking the floor and walls, but inside of this room was a large rectangular pack with three devices on top of it. 

It was hard to move around in the heavy suit, but I made my way over to the devices and examined each one. The first one had the appearance of a tablet except it was curved, and had a “screen” on both ends. I assumed this was the visor and I clicked it into place on the  helm. It was dark and hard to see through. Then there were two identical devices: Tiny metal boxes with four holes on each one. It took me a moment to realize that these connected to the clips on the back of each of my gloves. I clicked each device into place. Hesitantly I stared at the large metal box. It must have been a battery pack, or some kind of control panel or something… 

This is it, I thought. I had no idea why I was complying up to that point. I suppose I knew it wasn’t going to go well for me if I didn’t. I guess I was afraid and wanted to rip off the bandaid so to speak. But I knew once I put the pack on my fate was sealed. I looked up and looked around, looking for some way out one last time. I didn’t see any cracks in the walls, any ways to open the doors… I didn’t even see any cameras, but I knew there had to be, because how did they know what I was doing? Uncertainty took hold.

“Hello?” I called out, “Are you watching? W-why am I here?! Why me?!” There was no response… I knelt next to the box, still looking up at nothing in the room. 

“Why?” I repeated. 

… still no response.

I waited for a few minutes, expecting some ingenious escape plan to pop into my brain, or expecting someone to come get me. But that was the thing… I was waiting for something to happen. I was scared but the silence scared me more, I wanted to move on. I wanted to know what was next. Perhaps I was curious.

I hoisted the metal box upward, and examined it for a moment, there was a power button on the right hand corner. When I clicked it, blue and purple lines lit up all around the pack and gave off a soft glow, like a gaming computer. I turned the box around to make the clips face away from me, and clicked the clips on the right of the box to the right of my back, and swung the box around like a closing door to click the left clips to the left side of my back. And finally I grabbed a hold of the two tubes on top of the box, and connected them to each of the clips on my muzzle. 

There was a click and then everything went completely quiet, like I hadn’t noticed how loud the airflow of the room was until my helmet turned ‘noise cancelation’ on. The visor gave off a dim glow and showed that angular cloud again, the ‘Cumulus’ logo. A bunch of numbers and charts appeared on my screen, with the words “VITALS” written on top, and after a few seconds, the an EKG started spiking and falling, numbers appeared at the “BLOOD PRESSURE” section, there was some brain activity chart i didn’t understand, and also a chart that I believe measured my breath? 

Before I could even process what was going on with each of the readings, big red letters appeared on the screen. 

TERMINATION: 3

“Wait what?!” I shouted, my voice muffled by the suit. 

TERMINATION: 2

“What does that mean?!”

TERMINATION: 1

“Am I gonna die?!” 

… when the number hit zero, there was a sudden and sharp pain in my chest, making me flinch. In that moment there was nothing. I didn’t see or hear anything. I didn’t think. I couldn’t acknowledge myself. I wasn’t there… I was completely gone. 

“Rᴇʙᴏᴏᴛɪɴɢ.” There was a robotic monotone voice, and suddenly I was aware again. My head shot up abruptly. Through my peripherals I could see that my arms and legs snapped to a stiff posture, and my back was straight. But… I couldn’t feel them at all. I tried to move from the position I was standing in but I found I couldn’t move or feel my arms or legs. Everything was completely numb. And then I saw the vitals in front of my eyes. I had no pulse. The breadth readings weren’t there, and my blood pressure was listed as N/A. And at the top, of the screen, were the words: READINGS: NORMAL. The vitals then disappeared, and I could see through my visor clearly. 

“Cᴏᴍᴍᴇɴᴄɪɴɢ ɪɴᴛʀᴏᴅᴜᴄᴛᴏʀʏ ᴘʀᴏᴛᴏᴄᴏʟ.” The monotone voice spoke again. And that was when I noticed the monotone voice was my own, and I was saying these things against my will. I felt absolutely nothing. My heart didn’t speed up and I didn’t feel my stomach twinge or churn. My mind buzzed with thoughts like “oh my god oh my god” and “what the hell what the hell?!” But emotionally, I felt nothing. My thoughts matched what i would have felt in the past but I didn’t have an emotional connection to these thoughts.

Then my body marched forward on its own. One leg and one arm snapped outward simultaneously, not bending at the knee when I took a step. And then the other. And then this robotic motion was continued until I passed through the door and walked up to a metal table beside a metal chair, and then my body dropped suddenly to sit down in the chair, and pulled itself to face forward in a quick snapping motion. The room was lit about the same as the other rooms, however above the table was a bright light that accented only the table And those who sat there.  Across from me there was a drone whose helm had green markings on it, and had the features of a German shepherd. There was a dim animation of a green spiral on its visor. Then I read the numbers on its chest: GD-001. Just like in the video. 

“AQ-320, Tʜᴀɴᴋ ʏᴏᴜ ꜰᴏʀ ᴊᴏɪɴɪɴɢ Cᴜᴍᴜʟᴜs,” It said. “Dᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ǫᴜᴇsᴛɪᴏɴs ꜰᴏʀ ᴍᴇ?” Its voice was deep and despite its mechanical articulations, its voice was gentle. My lungs did not move that whole time, but when I went to speak, my chest expanded.

“Aʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ʙᴇʜɪɴᴅ ᴀʟʟ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜɪs?” I asked, my voice monotone. I wanted to see the one in charge. I didn’t know what I would do, if I would beat them up or demand answers, or what, but I knew this wasn’t right and I needed to see them. 

“Nᴏ I ᴀᴍ ɴᴏᴛ. I ᴀᴍ ᴏꜰ ʜɪɢʜᴇʀ ʀᴀɴᴋɪɴɢ, ʜᴏᴡᴇᴠᴇʀ I ᴀᴍ sᴛɪʟʟ ᴜɴᴅᴇʀ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴏɴᴛʀᴏʟ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇ Mᴀsᴛᴇʀ.”

“Wʜᴏ ᴀʀᴇ ᴛʜᴇʏ?” 

“Nᴏʙᴏᴅʏ ᴋɴᴏᴡs.” 

I seriously expected GD to respond with “classified” or something like that… The way they gave such a human response there made me think they were more human than initially thought. I knew if I could still feel anything: I would feel I some empathy for them. I would feel sad that this fate I have been subjected to for less than an hour has been their reality for… I’m not sure how long. 

“Wʜʏ ᴄᴀɴ’ᴛ I ᴍᴏᴠᴇ? Wʜʏ ᴄᴀɴ’ᴛ I ꜰᴇᴇʟ? Wʜᴀᴛ ᴅɪᴅ ᴛʜᴇʏ ᴅᴏ ᴛᴏ ᴍᴇ?” 

“Yᴏᴜ ᴀʀᴇ ᴅᴇᴀᴅ,” They said,  “Bᴜᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʀᴇ ᴀʟsᴏ ɪᴍᴍᴏʀᴛᴀʟ. Nᴇᴇᴅᴇᴅ ᴄᴇʟʟs ᴀʀᴇ ᴠɪᴛᴀʟɪᴢᴇᴅ, ᴛʜᴇ ʀᴇsᴛ ᴅɪᴇ. Yᴏᴜ ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ɴᴇᴇᴅ ᴀ ᴘᴜʟsᴇ ᴀɴʏᴍᴏʀᴇ ꜰᴏʀ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʀᴇ ᴘᴏᴡᴇʀᴇᴅ ʙʏ ʙᴀᴛᴛᴇʀʏ. Yᴏᴜ ᴀʀᴇ ʙᴇɪɴɢ ᴄᴏɴᴛʀᴏʟʟᴇᴅ ʙʏ ᴀ sᴇʀɪᴇs ᴏꜰ TENS ᴜɴɪᴛs ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʙᴇɴᴅ ᴀɴᴅ ꜰʟᴇx ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴍᴜsᴄʟᴇs. Aꜰᴛᴇʀ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʀᴇ ʀᴇᴘʀᴏɢʀᴀᴍᴍᴇᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ᴍᴀʏ ᴄᴏɴᴛʀᴏʟ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴏᴡɴ TENS ᴜɴɪᴛs ᴀᴛ ᴡɪʟʟ.”

I shook my head. None of it made sense to me, and one question kept repeating in my mind. I tried to shout it out: ‘why… WHY?!?!’ trying to seep my desperation into my voice, but it still came out monotone. 

“Wʜʏ. Wʜʏ.“ 

“AQ-320,” They began “ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ᴀᴛᴛᴇᴍᴘᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴍᴀᴋᴇ sᴇɴsᴇ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡᴀʏs ᴏꜰ ᴏᴜʀ ᴍᴀsᴛᴇʀ. Iᴛ ᴡɪʟʟ ɴᴏᴛ ᴄᴏᴍᴘᴜᴛᴇ. Iᴛ ɪs ᴇᴀsɪᴇʀ ᴛᴏ ᴀᴄᴄᴇᴘᴛ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ɪs ʜᴀᴘᴘᴇɴɪɴɢ, ᴛᴏ ᴀᴄᴄᴇᴘᴛ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ʙᴇᴄᴏᴍᴇ.” And then it did something that I didn’t expect. Something that surprised me so much, for a brief moment I felt a chill down my spine, a lump in my throat, and real sadness in my heart. It reached across the table and gently touched my hand. 

“… Tʀᴜsᴛ ᴍᴇ.” 

I stared at the canine figure in front of me. We were drones, both of us, but maybe whatever ‘drone’ meant wasn’t what I thought. Maybe there was still room to be me, and also room to be AQ-320. I wasn’t content with my disposition, but I now knew that I wasn’t alone. I attempted to nod in recognition, but I found I still couldn’t move. 

“…ᴏᴋᴀʏ,” I replied. 

Its hand snapped backward to its side. At first I was offended but then realized it probably had no control over whether it wanted to do that. 

“Aɴʏ ꜰᴜʀᴛʜᴇʀ ǫᴜᴇsᴛɪᴏɴs?” GD-001 asked. 

So many, I thought. But too many right now. 

“Nᴇɢᴀᴛɪᴠᴇ,” I stated. 

“AQ-320, ʙᴇɢɪɴ ᴘʀᴏɢʀᴀᴍᴍɪɴɢ ᴘʀᴏᴛᴏᴄᴏʟ.”

My body snapped into a standing position, and once again it began robotically marching by itself, past GD-001 toward the door that was sliding open at the end of the room. 

“Nɪɢʜᴛʏ-ɴɪɢʜᴛ,” GD-001 said. I could see its reflection in the shiny wall waving at me.

When I crossed the threshold of the final room, the door slid behind me. The room was dark but there was a soft purple light that filled the entire room, making it feel cozy. Inside the room there was a big bed without a blanket, a pillow, and a night-time hat. My hands shot outward, picked up the night time hat, and put it over my bunny ears. Then, my body went stiff and flopped on top of the bed, my head resting on the pillow. 

And so it began. One moment I was staring at the blank ceiling, the next moment I was staring at a pink and purple spiral in my visor. Two similar pitches rang in inside my helmet, causing a waving dissonance. At first the spiral and the tone didn’t do anything; I felt completely normal. But then the spiral became harder to look at, harder to understand. My own thoughts became harder to understand, and they became harder to form. Happiness washed over me and I felt my lips curl into a smile. I tried to stop, but my face then was frozen in place. 

I knew this feeling of joy was bad; it was insidious and was being used to control me, so I tried to suppress it, but it was the best I had felt so far during my time at Cumulus… so I had to just let it wash over me… at a certain point I didn’t want to resist the happiness, and I didn’t know why I did. There were low whispers and mutterings of thoughts in my head. They didn’t come from the visor or from the speakers but I knew these thoughts weren’t my own, so I tried to resist them. But then my mouth began moving on its own.

“Oɴʟʏ ᴄᴜᴍᴜʟᴜs.. mmmm… H-ʜᴀ…hʜhʜᴀᴘᴘʏʏʏ…”

The thoughts got louder and more persistent.

“Oʙᴇʏ… no- Dʀᴏɴᴇ… uhhh… ᴍ-ᴍ-ᴍᴀsᴛᴇʀ.” 

And then something clicked, and these intrusive thoughts and my own mind became one. 

“Oɴʟʏ ᴄᴜᴍᴜʟᴜs ᴍᴀᴋᴇs ᴍᴇ ʜᴀᴘᴘʏ.

I ᴀᴍ ᴀɴ ᴏʙᴇᴅɪᴇɴᴛ ᴅʀᴏɴᴇ

I ᴏʙᴇʏ ᴍʏ ᴍᴀsᴛᴇʀ.

Mʏ ᴍᴀsᴛᴇʀ sʜᴀᴘᴇs ᴍʏ ʀᴇᴀʟɪᴛʏ.” 

I kept repeating that over and over again, feeling calmer and calmer the more I repeated it, thinking less and less the more I did, and forgetting more and more. The more I said it, the more it became true, and the less I cared. 

I was in the middle of repeating my programming again, when a robotic voice interrupted me. 

‘Iɴɪᴛɪᴀᴛɪɴɢ ᴛᴇsᴛ ᴏɴᴇ.’

I fell silent. Text appeared on the screen in front of the spiral. 

YOU ARE A BUNNY

My mouth shut and my eyes widened, and I shot upward into a sitting position. I didn’t know what those words meant but I felt them and I believed them with all my heart. And then an image of a carrot appeared in front of the spiral. My mouth watered. Craving and hunger and excitement overwhelmed me. I grinned and picked up my hands, letting them flop forward in front of me. The rubber tail on the back of my suit shook. I wiggled my nose some more. 

Then the carrot swung back and forth in front of the spiral, and my eyes followed it, and my tongue lulled out of my mouth as it did. I was overwhelmed with both joy and confusion. The more I watched the carrot and the spiral, the less I thought, and the more I gave into Cumulus’s programming. And eventually my eyelids grew heavy and it was hard to keep an upright posture. I began swaying as I fought sleepiness, wanting to keep watching this entertaining video in my visor, wanting to keep being a bunny and wanting to keep obeying. But then a new word appeared on screen. 

DROP

Once again, I didn’t understand the word, but my body followed. I slumped forward, my head dropping and my arms falling limp. And then one word kept flashing on the screen over and over. 

FORGET

FORGET

FORGET

This tranced state, this programming, had burrowed its way into my mind. I forgot without resistance and without question. I fell backwards, lying down once again, relishing this happy state of mind that was made for me, and obeying the command over and over again, allowing the visor to guide me into creating a new me… a better me… 

I love Cumulus.

I love my job.

I love to obey.

I am a drone.

My mind is devoid of thought.

My mind is clouded with calm.

My mind is clouded… 

Cumulus…

[himooonlight]

who are you? pt. 4 (reggie x reader)

pairing: reggie x reader

word count: 4.4k

plot: you dream about reggie constantly and when you see him perfoming with julie, you decide to ask her about him

warnings: confusion? EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE THOUGH, I PROMISE

A/N: look who is back :) I wanna thank @i-should-be-writing-my-own-fic for being so sweet to me and giving me such a thoughtful feedback about the story. that gave me the motivation I needed to keep writing - so keep in mind that comments help the writer, ok? just hope I’m not disappointing anyone with this chapter by the way… and sorry again for taking forever to update.

here's chapter 1, chapter 2 and chapter 3

it’s @carolineeforbes' gif, by the way; I’m not sure how to add that “gif by…” at the end (cause I’m old and I know nothing about html)

As soon as the last class of the day ends, I make my way to Julie's locker so we can go to the cafe together. I haven't seen Reggie all day, but something tells me he's just as nervous as I am. Waiting for her, alone, I let my mind go to him, remembering his sweet smile.

  There's something about him that gives me peace. It's not explainable or rational; it's just there. An invisible feeling that makes me ecstatic, blissful because he exists. And if that's not love, if it's something else, I can accept and live with it knowing that he taught me how to feel visible, alive.

  Ironically, he is none of those things.

  - Y/N, hi! - Nick's voice greets me. - How are you?

  Nick is alone too. His blue eyes are darker than usual and his aura makes me shiver - more so than yesterday, his presence is heavy and disturbing. And I can't understand why. His clothes are darker than usual and even his cute freckles look more aggressive, if that's possible.

  Maybe my mind is playing tricks on me, but I can almost swear I see the own devil in the smile on his face. His whole body looks stiffer and more brutal, making me step back mindlessly and look around for somebody that could confirm that his eyes are actually trying to hurt me.

  I'm out of my mind, for sure.

  - Hey, Nick. - I say. My voice is breathy and low, matching my demeanor. - I'm alright. How about you?

  I don't really wanna know about him and it's borderline annoying how my body is responding to the situation. My hands are shaking so much I have to hide them in my pockets. When my eyes start watering, I understand just how terrible the situation really is.

  - Why are you so afraid of me, hum? - There's an eerie glow in his eyes that can only be described as demonic. Nick is following my every move, almost like he is trying to control my actions or read my mind. When he gets closer to me and lets his thumb meet my right cheek, a single tear rolls down, to what he smiles. He's enjoying the situation. - It's just me.

  It's not him. It's not Nick.

  I don't know what is going on, but this person is evil.

  I can smell Nick's breath and see it too. It's purple and dense and I'm for sure out of my mind, because I can see it all around us as if trying to suffocate me.

  The purple mist swirls around my head and vanishes quickly while my tears dry. Nick's smile disappears and his stare holds something heavy like betrayal. He looks disappointed, annoyed, angry, all together.

  - I can't believe this. - He murmurs, stepping back. The boy is imitating a lost puppy or a spoiled kid that isn't getting what he wants. - Your soul is…

  Nick looks so shocked and that gives me strength. The sudden vigor allows me to break our eye contact and recompose myself, just in time to blink and get an image in my head like a daydream. But it wasn't a dream or my imagination; it feels like a memory, just like what I experience with Reggie.

  I see a big stage. The curtains are embroidered with CC's and everything is either black or gold. There's a tall man standing in the center, with the same aura as Nick, and the same expressive eyes. He's screaming for attention and validation.

  The man is wearing a velvet suit and sparkly shoes. I can tell he's narcissistic and have some kind of power over people, because nobody around the place is looking directly at him. They all look scared and conflicted; probably because he demands attention but makes them feel bad about it.

  Someone opens the curtain a little bit more and I can see a big glass box filled with water. Three assistants wrap his hands and feet with chains and when he sees me staring, a devious grin spreads across his face, making me shiver and get an urge to run.

  I manage to do that, going back to the school halls in real life, ignoring all that happened in my mind just seconds before.

  Nick is nowhere to be seen and my body is not shaking anymore.

  - Hey, Y/N. - Julie says. Flynn smiles at me and I try my best to do the same, but I'm still overwhelmed by the feeling of being controlled. - Are you alright? Not to be that person, but you look like you've seen a ghost.

  Flynn laughs while her friend winks at me, lighting up the mood. Still, I can't wrap my head around what just happened. I feel sick to my stomach, dizzy and they probably can see it in my face that I'm not fine.

  - Don't know if Reggie said anything to you, but they talked and Alex doesn't feel ready to go to the coffee shop yet. He's afraid that they're going to move on and disappear and he's not sure if that's what he wants now. - She explains. Flynn nods her head the whole time, agreeing with everything Julie says and making me wonder how much she knows. Probably everything. - But, really, are you feeling ok?

  - I think I just need to go home and sleep a bit. - After trying my best to assure them I'll be fine, I start making my way to the parking lot. We're not the best of friends, so I don't feel comfortable explaining anything, especially when Reggie's nowhere to be seen. - I'll see you tomorrow, ok?

  I can't find my sister's car when I get to our usual spot, so I just stand there, calming my senses and looking at the sky. It's a beautiful day with a few clouds and it's impossible not to find solace in the pretty blue infinity.

  The clouds are moving in all its glory. The cumulus clouds are very fluffy and not very high in the sky, letting me notice their cotton-like appearance distinctly. It's so peaceful that I can't stop my mind from wandering to Reggie and that same feeling of harmony and happiness that he makes me feel.

  - Julie told me you were not feeling well. - The boy startles me, making me jump and almost scream. - Did you fall? Did you eat something bad? Maybe you should go to the hospital. I should know that considering I died from a bad hot dog. What did you have?

  His wide eyes and fast words make me laugh, forgetting everything that happened previously. He tries to touch my hand and signs when that doesn't happen. I do the same, regretting momentarily the day I met him.

  I know I love Reggie. That feeling, however, is like getting tickled and laughing out loud. For someone just passing by, it might look like we're having fun, but it's also painful and excruciating. A smile doesn't necessarily means joy; sometimes it's just a mechanism to stay positive. And positivity is very important when the person you love is a ghost.

  - I'm alright now, don't worry. - In cue, Daisy arrives. - Wanna go home with me? - I ask, covering my mouth with my hand, pretending to yawn. He follows me without answering and the way Day looks at me as soon as I get inside tells me that she believes her little sister is simply happy with the tickling. - Hey.

  - Well, well, well. Look who is in love.

  Reggie sits in the backseat and it's inevitable to feel nervous. It doesn't really matter that Day can't see him; the only important thing is that we haven't talked about feelings yet and now he knows how I feel.

  He knows what I feel: love.

  Suddenly I am drowning in dichotomy, a bipolar feeling of relief and nervousness. 

  I am relieved that the "decision" is no longer in my hands.

  It's like that child's game, hot potato. The ball would pass in a circle and if the song ends and you are holding the object, the responsibility to run after someone is in your hands. Every time I held the ball as a kid, I felt excitement, anxiety and nervousness and yet I still enjoyed playing the game, even with the risk of losing. 

  Reggie knowing how I feel is basically that same feeling of not knowing whether I would have to run or be disappointed and relieved at the same time for not being chosen. The next step is his to take; to either stop the music or continue singing.

  - Sis? - Daisy's voice brings me back to the car and all the consequences. - Are you ok?

  - Yeah, yeah. Just a bit nervous about some school stuff.

  I met Reggie in school, so it's not exactly a lie. Josh's voice rings in my head saying "I ain't calling you a truther" and making me wish I could tell everybody about how I met Reginald and how much I like him.

  - We went from love interest to school project. Y/N, we really need to talk. - Reggie's remarks make me roll my eyes. - What am I to you? And you don't need to be nervous, darling. It's just me.

  It's just me.

  Same words that left Nick's lips.

  I feel shivers running down my spine, remembering everything. His gaze, the strong perfume and my own thoughts all over the place. What about my soul? What about me that scared him so much? And that stage? The magician?

  Too many questions for someone that just wanted a few answers.

  - Reggie, please, we'll talk later.

  Oh, no.

  Daisy is looking at me like I am crazy and she's possibly right. There's no way I am not losing my mind by now.

  - Who is Reggie?

  Oh, no.

  - Reggie?

  - Yeah, you just said his name. Is this part of your school thingy? - She bounces like a little kid, making me breathe normally. She's not about to ask if I lost my mind, great. - Practicing some of those insanely creative theatre games? How does this one work?

  Oh, yes.

  - I have to create this character, right? - Reggie scoots closer to listen to my explanation, sitting on the edge of the seat. I can see him through the rearview mirror and he has a curious expression on his face. A very cute expression that makes me smile. - For the whole day I have to talk to him, Reggie, like he really exists. - Daisy beams and that gives me courage to continue. - I get extra points if I get to make somebody else speak and interact with him, so do you wanna try?

  I really ain't a truther.

  The thing with my family is that they are incredibly supportive, especially Daisy and my dad. My sister's bad temper is not even half as intense as her supportive-big-sister-mode. Probably because of that that I don't have many friends - because it is very easy to get lost in my family's love. They make me feel like I don't really need other people, like nobody else would be as important as them, so why try? I've always had friends here and there, but opening up and trusting is a whole different story.

  Maybe that's why Reggie had such an impact on me; because he made me realize that the world is bigger than my little bubble, than what meets the eye.

  - I need to know a little more about this Reggie dude. Characteristics, please.

  - Reggie, what do you want me to tell her? - I look at him, turning my head to face his way and the view makes my heart melt: he's staring at us with thankful eyes.

  The boy is on the verge of tears. Happy tears, apparently. It feels so heartwarming to see his big white smile and his freckles from up close.

  - I… I don't know. What do you want her to know about me?

  - Well, Day is more than just my sister. - I reply while Daisy just smiles, keeping her attention on the road. - She's my best friend, so I'd like her to know everything about you. I know she'll like you anyways cause you're both sweethearts. You two like Star Wars and she says she hates puns, but that's a lie. And you're always making jokes and being adorable, so that's a start, right? You'll get along just fine.

  - What about appearance-wise? Is he cute? - My sister's question has Reggie laughing and blushing. Their interaction is so cute and the tears on Reggie's eyes say the same.

  - He has deep blue eyes, a pointy nose and some freckles that look like the galaxy. For all I know he could have the whole bear keeper constellation on his face, I swear. - The way he observes me speaking foolishly about him is encouraging and sweet. He seems to be admiring me too, intrigued by the way I describe his features.

  - Bear keeper constellation, hum? He should watch out for poisoning then.

  My sister giggles scares the hell out of me and by Reggie's silence and wide eyes, he's panicking too.

  - What? - I mumble.

  - Icarius? The wine story? - She tries explaining, but seeing my confused semblance, she continues. - Icarius died because some people thought he poisoned them with wine. They didn't understand alcohol back then and well, he died for nothing. Poor guy. After all, a god really did trust him with the wonders of wine because he was such a great person and he basically died for that. For being too good. - She shrugs like it's nothing, like I am not surprised and startled by the coincidence. I never heard that story in my life. - But what else? I wanna know more about him.

  Reggie shakes his head and closes his mouth, blinking a few times in the process. I take my time to study him once again, ignoring my own surprise.

  - He's funny, positive, loves animals and can be a bit of an airhead, but that's cause he's very creative and imaginative. He is a bassist, likes flirting and I'd say he uses jokes as a way to cope with sadness.

  I can't look at him while saying those things, so I fix my posture and stare at the car in front of us. It's too personal and I don't know how he truly feels about me and the way I read him. After all, I officially met him yesterday and every single dream could be wrong. My version of him could be wrong.

  I could only hope I was right and he would keep singing in that silent game of hot potato.

  - The only important question left is: what's his Harry Potter house?

  And that's how we spend the rest of the day watching Harry Potter, with Reggie sitting beside me with his eyes glued to the tv screen. When Chamber of Secrets ends, my parents get home and Day quickly explains that we'll be having company for dinner. Reggie doesn't leave my side for a second and even though I could speak to him when my sister was around, my parents might think differently, so I don't really hold my breath.

  - We have company for dinner, dad. - Daisy says.

  - Oh, really? - My dad asks. He's already in the kitchen, so we follow him there. Reggie sits on the counter while Day helps with the food and I just stand by the door, looking at my family. - Who is coming?

  Daisy does something funny with her eyebrows, teasing me, and I roll my eyes, because that's very rich coming from her. Reggie is silent, just studying our reactions and conversations, so I decide to imitate him, sitting by his side. I want him to feel included in the family, like he belongs there, like he is welcome in our house.

  - Dad, this is my friend Reginald, but you can call him Reggie. - I say, pointing at the boy next to me. I know they can't see him; it would be impossible considering he is dead. Reggie's eyes, however, beg for love and appreciation, so I don't mind making a fool of myself if that means I get to make him feel comfortable. - He'll be eating dinner with us tonight, if that's alright.

  - Well, sure. - My father answers, with a smile on his face and no second thoughts whatsoever. - We're happy to have you here, Reggie.

  Daisy winks at me and Reggie is astonished with my dad's answer, especially because he really is looking and speaking in his direction, to the place I pointed. That probably makes him feel alive, but I don't really have time to say anything else because soon enough my dad walks up to him and goes for a handshake. My dad doesn't wait for Reggie's hand to shake it, but the boy doesn't mind and lets his transparent skin go through my dad's solid body, trying any kind of connection he can.

  - Cold hands, hum? But are you really just friends with my daughter? Cause I don't recall any friends staying for dinner before.

  It's not really a surprise that my father would participate in any kind of experiment, project or whatever he thinks this is; his trust and love for me are the only irrational part of him and he is very good at that - trusting me with his eyes closed. As Daisy explains everything to him, his tired figure just keeps cooking dinner and making a few questions here and there. He starts with the basic "how was your day?" and moves on to "bassist that loves country music? That's new. I would like to listen to your music, Reggie".

  He's not weirded out by the situation and that makes me wonder if I should tell him the truth. Or at least half of it. Maybe he wouldn't understand everything, but at least I'd feel lighter. When he starts telling us the positive stories that he's seen in the hospital today, Reggie interrupts his monologue by leaving the kitchen, so I follow him.

  - What's wrong? - I ask, indicating my room. He goes in and I close the door. - Is everything okay?

  He doesn't answer for a moment. He just stands there, looking out the window. His torso is covered in the same black leather jacket that I've seen so many times before in my dreams and his hair looks perfect. He looks perfect. Even when he sniffs and starts crying.

  He looks perfect and I'm freaking out.

  - I am so sorry for today, Reggie. It was never my intention to make you feel bad, I swear. That doesn't mean you shouldn't feel whatever you're feeling; I'm just justifying myself really. - I start mumbling, letting the words come out of my mouth with no filter. - You don't have to stay, if you don't want to. You can leave and we can talk tomorrow... I don't know.

  He's not singing in our game of hot potato. Reggie's sad and it's painful to see him like that, crying, perhaps even regretful. After the heavy day, I can't stop myself from crying too, feeling unwanted, wrong.

  My heart hurts.

  My heart hurts for him, almost like we share the same body.

  - I forgot how much I missed being alive. - He says, letting his fingers roam his cheeks, cleaning any signs of tears. - It's not just about dying young, you know? It's like ordering a pizza that you know will never arrive, but you still don't order another one. You just keep waiting and waiting. And you can almost taste it; the cheese, the smell, the love in the shape of pepperoni… but it's still not enough. Being a ghost is not enough for me, Y/N. I need to make my own pizza or order something else.

  A glimpse of determination in Reggie's eyes makes me feel uneasy. If Alex said he didn't want to find out, "ordering something else" is off limits. Going alone to the cafe looking for answers could mess their friendship and hurt all of them even more.

  - Are you sure you can't wait a little bit more? We can wait together, if it helps. - My reasoning is not the best in the world; I am basically bargaining more time with him. - We can finish Harry Potter, I can show you some music. And, of course, you still have Julie and your friends, right? Maybe the pizza will arrive, Reggie. Have a little faith.

  He opens his mouth a few times, trying to say something, but nothing comes out. He shrugs and turns around, staring at the window again. Outside, the weather is the same and everything looks peaceful. But inside of him, things are different. His world is not the same as it was when he entered my house.

  He wants answers now.

  - What kind of music do you wanna show me?

  His smile is not reaching his eyes, but I take whatever I can get, grabbing my phone quickly and playing Taylor Swift. He falls in love with her banjo songs, like I knew he would, and then shows me some of his favorite musicians. We talk about movies and he's impressed to know that Back To The Future is a classic, considering that none of his friends liked it back then.

  It's so easy to talk to him. His overflowing attention and care is noticeable and heartwarming. It's not like he's just answering me, no, he's making conversation, showing interest and curiosity about me, about the things I like. And I do the same with him, because I wanna know everything there is to know, everything he wants me to know and love.

  With him so close to me it's very easy to forget he's not alive.

  - You know what I was thinking? - He asks with his face so close to mine that I can even count his freckles.

  - No. - I whisper and he chuckles. - What is it?

  - I really wish they could see me. Your family. They are so nice. I really wish my unfinished business involved them too so they could see me. - Reggie sounds sad again, so put my hand on his knee, not really touching him. We're sitting on the floor, with our backs resting on the wall and our legs close to our chests, looking like two lost kids. - At least I've got you.

  - Your parents probably miss you too, you know? Don't you think we should look for them? Do you think it would help?

  - I am not sure anymore. I think I want to know, but at the same time what if I get disappointed? What if they don't care about me anymore? Don't think about me at all? Or what if they do? What if they can't move on? - He touches my hand softly and I can tell he has to focus a lot for that to happen. - It's also scary to see what they've become. To see what my future could've been.

  He doesn't say anything else after that. His thumb tries stroking my skin and it takes a while until he finally succeeds. My heart is about to get out of my chest and I stay still, afraid that he'll run away like he did the night before.

  - You are not your parents, Reggie, just as I am not mine. As much as they are responsible for us to some extent, it's not as if we are a property being marked by our last name. Our family is not our whole world; if anything, they're the cheerleaders who stand outside the field cheering for us. Well, - I feel his gentle touch more prominently so I turn my gaze to our connected hands. - at least it should be like that. But anyway, I'm very proud of you. You are a beautiful, loved human being with an incredible capacity to love others. Alive or dead, you're full of life and that's amazing.

  I don't want to extend the topic too much, just in case he's not ready for it, but I know that our parents also lost individual characteristics when they became parents. They didn't have their own names anymore; they were "my father" and "my mother". It seemed that they were less their own and more ours, as if their value was linked to their children in some way.

  - I… thank you. - Suddenly I can't feel his touch anymore. Disappointed, we stand up at the same time and again, we're so close I can memorize the exact shape of his lips. - You have no idea how much I… I needed this. Needed you. How much I need you. I'm happy we found each other, Y/N. I really am.

  - Me too, Reggie. I just wish our timing was a bit better, you know?

  - Yeah… I mean, the world is so old, right? At least we got some time here together. Let's just enjoy it from now on. Like it's now or never. - He smiles brightly again and I imitate him. - That's one of our songs, by the way. You need to hear -

  The doorbell startles us. Reggie and I laugh at our own reactions and I go get the door. When I open it, Nick is there, with arrogant eyes and an infuriating smile.

  - Hey, Y/N. - He says. - I think we need to talk. Now.

  - Honey, who is this? - My mother asks me. Just like Daisy, she has that pretentious grin that tells me she thinks we're more than friends. - Is this Reggie that your dad was telling me about? Come in, sweetheart. Dinner is almost ready.

  Mom runs to the kitchen, probably to tell the others about the news, and I'm scared again. If looks could kill, I'd be just like Reggie now.

  - Oh, so Reggie is here too? Good, that way we can kill two birds with one stone. - Reggie comes to the rescue, but he looks just as conflicted and confused as me. - And just so you know, you're one of the birds, Y/N, and I won't let you escape again.

  - What is this little dude talking about? - Reggie asks.

  Nick's head turns to Reggie's direction and I feel sick again. It's hard to breathe and the purple mist coming out of the blonde's mouth is scarier than before. He's standing at my door, invading my house and threatening me. Everything is too much, my own body, my own thoughts and the house feels smaller and smaller.

  - I am talking about you, your friends and this rat right here. I've been looking for you for two lifetimes already and I'm not letting you go again. Not without getting my revenge first.

taglist: @revolutionary-werewolf-ghosts