#cause the ones that do are great but sometimes i dont want ot remember what happened a scene ago

[movedtodykedvonte]

Spider-Man animated show like Spider-Man and His Amazing Friends but it’s a genuine sitcom that only focuses on really mundane things that happen in the Spider-Man characters lives when nothings happening or after each fight while still being wild and insane.

No dramatics either just like Peter having a tantrum cause he’s trying to make Aunt May’s wheat cakes himself but each batch sucks to him cause it’s not her wheat cakes while they are perfect to everyone else. And him doing damn near magic with science to perfectly replicate the flavor by like sneaking into the Baxter Building to clone the taste from his emotional memory or something and having to be held down like a madman.

Double points if they call Aunt May and just say Peter was interviewing them for the bugle and he mentioned her cooking and they had to try while Peter is just staring unhinged covering in batter and experimental tech.

Yes it is just a show of filler episodes but I think it’d be cool.

[manifesting-mari]

Morning Pages

I’m being haunted by the ghosts of my past. The 5 year old stuck in the shame pit. The 12 year old on the endless cycle of taking control to run away from her feelings. The 14 year old, hopeless romantic who craved for the love she saw in fairytales and the lust she saw online. The deeper i go into my psyche, the more layers of myself are revealed. Like circles in a tree trunk, i’m going through all the layers, some are more dense than others. I wonder what was happening in its environment that caused it to grow like that. Some holes on the inside. But always healing.

I’ve decided to let my blog posts live on my tumblr. Omg. i just had a realization. Whenever i go into a new version of my life, i leave the old version of me behind rather than integrating that experience. Shitt. These aremy ghosts. The parts of myself i abandoned in order to get tot he next.

I saw a post i write pn my timblr when i was 24. I was a nanny at that time. I remember very clearly what was happening in my life, and now im trying to go back and feel into what was happening to me. I was very depressed and didn;t know it. Now that I think about it, I dont think I was depressed, i think i was around lots of depressed people. Or maybe i was? I was definite disassociating like a fucking pro. Using sex to feel wanted and sexy and valid. 

I can feel the ways my emotions are a weird confused soup in this writing. Its actually sweet to read it. To feel this innocent version of love and heart break. I have such an innocent heart. I can still feel that in my heart now. The ways it would break over people who were just pit stops on each others journeys.  

“but i’m a ship, not a life raft. with proper maintenance and care, one can travel the world with me. go on adventures, live life to the fullest, but you must be willing to sail. i am not one to be used as a last resort, to float along to life goals you know you cannot reach without someone else.”

The shit really hit lolo. Go ahead 24 year old me lol. I am a writer. I always have been, and i forget that sometimes. 

So a thought is coming into my head. So what if i am a life raft for others. Just to stay with them until i’m no longer needed. I see the ways i’ve treated my own self as a life raft. Just floating along, just surviving until the next thing comes up that lights me on fire. Just gogin from goal to goal, not enjoying the journey to and from each point. Theres a high you get when you reach your goals, and that high is really a great feeling. I know i can access that feeling whenever and that feeling is not attached to any specific thing. The feeling of receiving. Ahh. its safe to receive. Its safe to receive love and attention. Its safe to receive the life you’ve always dreamed of. Its safe to receive everything you’ve ever asked for. And that feeling of accomplishment is a feeling that can be with you whenever your ready, no matter what your life looks like. 

I’m recognizing the part of me that’s like “what about people suffering, what about people in  poverty, people in warzones? How can they possibly feel that feeling when their circumstances are filled with dread. I feel that i truly do. My heart breaks for all those people and i am in no way saying that access this feeling is a simple task. This world we live in is structured to make it difficult for people (and ever more difficult for POC) to gain access to that feeling through the material world. What I am suggesting is that the feeling can be felt no matter what your life looks like. It can be hard to feel it when other emotions like fear, survival, and desperation are so much more prominent, and those feelings need to be addressed, the environment needs to be addressed so more people can gain access ot that feeling. I was once told that “money solves money problems” but i wanna amend that. “Money solves money problem which helps relieves stress so you give attention to the emotional state.

This past year i really dedicated my time to my healing and growth. I knew that i needed to take a look under the hood and see what was going on. I was living my life with my check engine on. I knew that the money wasn’t the problem. It was a me problem. It was a mari problem. And Mari solves Mari problems. Lol. I want to change the word problem and shift it to situation. Or experience. I’ll find a word that amkes more sense. I really enjoy words. Lyrics are what really hit for me in songs. And i love books and poetry. I really forgot how much i loved to write. 

I no longer wanna be a life raft. I refuse to keep myself small. And i dont wanna be a tug boat either. I dont even just wanna be the ship. I wanna be a whole maritime empire. OH SHIT. ITS MARI-TIME!!!!! Lmfaoo. This is really me season 2023 and ME. lol because i do want ot be able to be a life raft for someone who needs that kind of support. I wanna be a tug boat for someone who needs guidance. I wanna be a cruise ship where people can enjoy and relax. I wanna be a row boat you take out on the lake to read a book. Some times i wanna go white water rafting! Yeah, i need to live by the water lol. 

You knwo, i no longer choose to solely identify with only one part of myself. I choose to integrate all of it in my experience knowing that those parts of me are still active. It like when i go into different parts of my life the bluetooth is not connected ot present me, but still connected to anoer version of me and i am unable to connect. Those are my blind spots. The places in my experience where grounded me is not connected and another part is coming forward.

I have to pee really bad. 

Ok. integration. Thats the foundation of my year. Really get to know me and on a deeper level and allow myself to life in my fullness. Its ok to be messay and make mistakes. Its ok to make calculated risks. Its ok to play. Its ok to be you. 

My super power is my being. I believe that my existence is my super power. I can just be. And i’m working on it. And part of me being is being in the work. There are times where i dont need to work and i get to relax or play or create. Or have relaxing play that creates unconsciously. That sounds fun lol. That how i feel sometimes. When youre with yourself or with others and your just in the flow. Allowing yourselves to inspire each other. I was so inspired by Marcie and Ian last night. I’m beginning to be more aware of the judgements that are inside me that come up around others. 

The judgment part needs more integration i feel. It doesnt feel like me. It feel like something else. The judgement there was there to protect me. Thats the 8 year old, “youre bad, your good” because she had to judge her actions as bad or good to make sure she could be in a happy environment. Whew. all that anxiety for such a small child. 

I also feel this connection between the judgemnent and this punitive part of me. The part that feels she needs to be punished because she is guilty and she needs to feel shame. Damn, that shame is one hell of a drug. 

There was another part of my tumblr post I wanted to share

i don’t want to be someone’s best option, i want to be someone’s only option. and i think, right now, i’m your best option. i think, time is wearing thin for you. and the days being spent alone in your room with your guitar are getting old. i think you miss the security you had with me. the stability. you know if you just asked, i would be there and you would have whatever you want. let’s not confuse our lust with intimacy. let’s not confuse our friendship with romance. you made it very clear when i was looking at you right in the eyes. you set up the walls. you built the dam. actually, you were the architect. and i was the contractor who made your plans a reality. i think its now too late to change the structure.

Its interesting how that part of me is still playing out. Is this one of those sygil things that jordan was talking about? Lol. well im happy i can see it now. Im a]happy to be aware of it. And i can tell that thurga could see the pattern repeating. I dont wanna keep repeating these patterns. Im ready for new adventures. Im ready for a different. Im ready to start being and integrating all the parts of me. Im ready to get to know that version of my self and allow her to move, create, and be part fo this flow. L

Last night I had a vision of “my head above water”. I feel like i can feel my toes lightly touching the ground. But part of me is really enjoying floating in this soup.

Theres part of me that enjoys not being grounded.

[levisgirll]

𝐅𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞 (𝐋𝐞𝐯𝐢 𝐀𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐧 𝐱 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫)

text: hello everyone! first off wanna thank each and every one of you that liked and enjoyed my writings <3 this honestly makes me happy and I’m glad to know that! so I decided to write this out for everyone as I had many ideas about this cute idea! you, y/n is levi ackerman’s first lover! it was stated by hajime isayama (author/illustrator of attack on titan) in a interview that levi has never been in a romantic relationship, but that all changes when he met y/n. It was also stated that when it does come to romance and love, isayama said that he expresses levi as awkwardly/clumsily when it comes to his lover. So find out some cute headcanons about him in his first relationship with Y/N!

synopsis: how’s it like for levi ackerman to be y/n’s boyfriend? and not only that but it’s also levi’s first partner ever, and including you! But you both don’t know that :,) so, what are the things you both would do as newbies in a relationship? (incoming real cute fluff- and levi trying his best to be your best boyfriend.)

fluff, headcanon, aot world ♡ —

To start off, you guys are both confused. Not sure what to do. Levi Ackerman’s first relationship and his first time having a partner actually makes him feel quite nervous as he wants to make sure he comes out as an ideal boyfriend for Y/N. Would definitely also start to overthink a lot at his start of his new relationship.

That’s cause, he wants to show you he is cool and got things under control and also even stronger towards you, he tries his best.

BUT, he doesn't know that it’s also y/n’s first relationship! and when they joined the Levi squad after Eren was taken in by the survey corps. Levi caught their eyes, and their causal interactions, talks and bond started to grow and slowly developing feelings.

Eren would definitely figure out that you had a crush on Levi and he would say in a shocked tone “Seriously...out of all the men. It’s the scary captain you like!”

After you guys got together, he started at first to show you some of his affections which is ruffling your hair, and he would do that whenever he catches you looking down or not smiling. He wants the best for you, and to smile instead. He wants to see that on your face cause it was one of the many things he loved about you. You lowkey liked that everytime he would ruffle your hair and you could feel his soft and gentle fingers on the top of your head, so lovely it makes your heart race.

He would let you call him Levi at first and he would kinda get upset sometimes when you say captain.

Whenever you go outside the walls, he knows you will be on the other side sometimes and not in his zone and that makes him worry like shit. He cant even focus on his mission and would think “Y/N, please dont die. Please.” Begging that you would be safe. When everyone regroups, he would look for you and and in a split second he recognizes you from afar and that makes his whole tense body relax. “Fuck. What took you long?” he would say that and go up to you, “I went to get some water for my horse, are you alright Levi?” He just stood there, studying your eyes which would make you blush and you guys....end up giving butterfly kisses to each other! and that now become your thing. And guess what, he REALLY likes them, it ironically gives him butterflies in his stomach too.

Once you guys part away, he would touch his eyelashes softly just to feel your touch again and sense that are you still by his side. alive. (please give him more hugs)

Whenever you get a cut, even the smallest ones, he would always say and bring his hand out towards you “Come here”. “Levi, dont worry its a small cut!” You shyly say, “I see the injury, so come here.” and he would proceed to treat you so carefully and his full focus and attention while treating you makes your mind race like crazy. His sharp grey eyes on your knee and his finger tips would be cold when he touches your skin and that would make you shiver but you felt his love. And it made you love him again and again.

He would take any opportunity to treat your smallest injuries just as his ‘excuse’ to be really near you. And when he is done, he would look up and glance at your eyes and you guys just sit there looking at each other so loveling. He wants to try kissing you so bad and you can tell by the look of his eyes on how he focus on your pupils as it dilates, and he gets lost in your beautiful eyes. You both were about to kiss until someone calls out your name and that broke your focus and jolted up so quickly, blushing like crazy. He gets also lowkey embarrassed, and both of you get up. “O-Okay, I have to go....thanks Levi.” and he would nod with a slight blush.

Whenever he sees you carrying stuff as he would pass by, he always offers to carry it for you but still takes it away from you either way. 

He notice he is such a gentleman towards you especially and he is actually a loyal and a great man for you (too great).

He knows he stutters a lot whenever he tries to talk to you, so he doesn't trust himself to talk much to you cause he always fucks up, so he would rather listen.  When you guys meet up and talk about your day, Levi ends up being such a good listener and he loves hearing what you always had to say. “Go on, tell me more.”

Later in the relationship, he starts to feel less nervous after having many talks with you during late nights in his office and he open up to you. About his past, his life in the underground and then you later realized he is quite talkative. Would  definitely bitch about you with others and he does that on purpose cause he wants to see you laugh about it, and when you do he feels so great, you boost his ego. 

Once he was with the other soliders to train them combat style training, and he did such an impressive move that you saw from a distance. You would later go up to him and he noticed you, "Wow you're awesome when you did that move!" you would say with such an amazed expression and that actually makes him happy inside but then said “...and when I don't?" This man is always concerned, and he kinda lowkey wants you to complement him more?? Becomes needy about it.

Mentioning that, you guys slowly started to use pet names for each other. He really takes pride to it and feels so lucky to have someone to call him that and not anyone but you saying it to him meant the world for him. but, once you did not say love just once, and he actually went back to his office and really though about it for the rest of the day. He becomes really quiet in the evening and you can’t figure out what it is. So you asked. “Love what’s wrong?”. And there, he started to talk a lot more now. He realized then he can act like a kid sometimes but you found it so cute.

He also memorized and remembers your knocks and footsteps and just calls you in before even addressing anything. He was secretly waiting for you to come and he got the tea ready, and of course the table clean and even the chair extra clean cause he doesn't want any dirt on you. And of course, you are his lover so he wants the best for you.

You and Levi planned to go out to the city to buy some stuff, but he wanted to surprise you and take you to wall sina instead to this small shop to buy you an accessory that you liked. But that failed since it started to rain, “Great, shitty fucking weather.” 

Always touches your cheek tenderly and ask what is wrong when he sees you down. “Love, tell me.” He would keep looking at you and you would suddenly forget what made you upset and start to get timid . “Come on...stop you are making me shy..”. He just loves looking at you especially your eyes. “Y/N”. Suddenly he got all serious, and he gently grabbed your both of your shoulders. “I really…l-like you…” he tried to say all clumsily while leaning close to your face, but you know he is trying his best to show you his affection and love.

Whenever he gives you his back and you would see his neat and clean undercut, you would leave small kisses on it. That’s when you found out thats his soft and sensitive spot and he blushes like crazy, not expecting it but doesn't say anything. Once he was in his office alone, he would cover his face with his left hand and start to nervously say ‘Fuck...why is Y/N so damn cute, I’m gonna lose it.’

Levi loves to tease you sometimes, when they tell Levi to cut it out, but he would turn around and give you a small smirk and...chuckle a bit? You would think, wait actually nevermind let him continue.

Anything, literally anything you ask Levi to do or bring something, he is already up and willing to get it for you. “Hey love, could I please-”. “Here.” He knew what you wanted, a snack, so he just open his drawer and gave you your favorite pack of biscuits. “Have it all.” It was one of his ways to show affection and would actually feel good once you thanked him. Watch him giving you more next time.

Keeps. every. single thing. you give your man. He even has a separate drawer for you and he cherish the things you give him. You are the only one who does that to him and he loved that you were the one.

Outside, in the training area, when no one was looking he would push some of your hair that was hanging on your side behind your one of your ear. And you both would exchange glances, a look which both needed the other and the love was real.

Surprise, but he loves it when you kiss his Adam’s apple and would close his eyes while hugging you tightly.

You are the only one he trusts to have his keys to his office and once when Levi entered his office, he saw y/n laying on the coach, sleeping so quietly it warmed his heart. “Y/N waited for me this whole time?”. He would sit beside y/n and cover them with his jacket. He secretly then takes your hand and kisses it.

Overall, Levi has finally found the one, which is you, y/n. And this man would risk his life just for you. He would love his partner so deeply and wants to always be by your side and make sure that as long as you both had each other, things will be okay, and once everything is over he already thought that he wants to spend the rest of his life with you. 

well this was longer than I expected!! I really do hope you all enjoy this and somehow you felt some love and fluff from Levi c: please do leave a like or a reblog if you liked it! 

[brelione]

And It Felt Great To Be A Liar (700 Celebration)

Ok so I based this off of this prompt:Hi there! I hope you’re doing well. I just have a request for JJ maybank. Would you be able to write one where y/n is apart of the kooks and is dating Rafe and Jj and her hate eachother. One day everyone is at a party and JJ and y/n are fighting with eachother as usual in a bedroom and he pins her against the wall and all of a sudden they start kissing eachother and they end up having really rough sex against the wall or a desk in the room with lots of dirty talk, choking and JJ making y/n admit he fucks her better than her boyfriend and gets her to beg for him If you have any time to write it I would be very appreciative, thank you so much x 

and it really fit with the poll results for the celebration so enjoy this master piece <3

Warnings:Choking, Spanking, Bondage, Sub and Dom behavior, cheating, no condom, degrading, swearing.

Rafe’s arms were around your waist, his hot breath fanning against your neck as he nipped at the skin. “We should stay here tonight.”He suggested, his hands moving to the hem of your shirt, his hands slipping under the thin material and onto your skin.

 “We cant, we already told Kelce and Top that we’d show.”You reminded him, peeling his hands away from you. He pouted, grabbing his keys. “Fine, we’ll play later.”He winked, opening his door and going down the stairs, shouting a goodbye to Wheezie and flipping off his dad.

 You cringed at his words, not looking forward to coming back after the party. You were getting bored of Rafe, there was really only so much of his drama that you could take. You were hoping he’d get bored of you soon too or maybe even move on to someone else and forget about you.

 But you stayed anyways, hoping he’d become less boring or maybe you’d stay around long enough to truly mean something to him. You followed him, sitting in the passengers seat of his truck. It reeked of alcohol and weed, his hand gipping your thigh. You rolled your eyes, looking out the window as he drove. 

“What are you thinking about, pretty girl?”He asked. You hummed, not replying. You grabbed his hand, resting your elbow on the arm rest. There wasnt much to look forward to these days. Nothing new, nothing fun, nothing interesting. The kook life got so boring so quick. 

Your only options on most days were to go golfing, shopping or a party if you were lucky. Everything was blurred together, feeling the exact same.He lifted his hand, pulling yours with it before pressing a kiss to your hand. It was a romantic gesture that you werent used to. 

He was like this at the beginning of the relationship, the romance slowly fading away as he became more obsessed with you instead of loving you. He was trying his best to convince you that he still loved you but you knew that you were just holding on to broken pieces at this point, wishing you had something different. 

You could hear the crashing of the waves, lifting your head and widening your eyes for a moment. The party was at Kelce’s beach house that wasnt really a house, it was really just a second mansion. You grinned at Rafe, sliding your phone in your pocket before hopping out of the truck, biting your tongue when he squeezed your ass.

 “Im gonna go look for Sar, okay?”You asked. He nodded, pulling you in for a quick kiss, watching as you jogged up the stairs. You could feel him watching you, slipping into a hallway and hoping for the best. You were sure that Sarah wasnt even at this party, it wasnt really her type of place. 

Sure, she was a party girl but even this was too much. You figured you should just lay low until Rafe was busy catching up with Kelce and Topper that he wouldnt notice if you went ot get yourself a drink. You werent in the mood for him to drag you over to his friend group and start bragging. 

You tested each door knob, searching for a bedroom or a bathroom for you to sit in for a while, grinning once one of them finally turned.      As soon as you were in the room you closed it behind you, locking it because you didnt feel like having your alone time interrupted by some drunk couple. 

As soon as you turned around you regretted it, seeing noone other than JJ Maybank shirtless in the middle of the room. He was staring back at you, stuck in place. You and JJ had problems that dated back to eighth grade. He had gotten into a huge fight with a kook and you were the only witness, watching as the boy hit JJ repeatedly in the ribs.

 JJ had eventually won the fight, blood running from his nose and staining his shirt, a layer of sweat covering his face as he stared at you. Since then he had nothing but anger and hate for you, giving you dirty looks in public and talking shit about you at parties. Of course you always found out about it. 

How he called you a whore, a gold digger and a bitch.  “Get out.”Was all he had to say, tossing his shirt onto the floor in the corner. It made a slight sloshing sound and you could only assume that he had bumped into someone and got something spilled on him. Or maybe he had been a bitch and got something thrown at him. 

“No.”You replied, staring back at him with a glare. He matched your energy, jaw clenching as he looked you up and down. “What are you hiding from, (Y/N)? You maniac of a boyfriend?”He asked, causing your blood to boil. Of course he was right but you’d never admit it. And of course Rafe was an absolute maniac but so was JJ and all of his friends.

 “He’s not a maniac, JJ.”You replied, knowing that it didnt sound right. You had never been great at lying. “Aww, thats cute that you try to stick up for your crazy boyfriend? If hes not a fucking maniac then explain what he did to Pope and I. You think a sane person would do that?”He asked.

 You stared back at him, biting the inside of your cheek as you tried to think of something to say. He shook his head, chuckling. “See, you cant even defend him anymore. God, I hope he fucking dumps your ass!”he exclaimed, letting out a sigh. You gulped, staring at him.

 “Shut up!”You shouted in response, only making him smirk. “Face it, (Y/N)!The boy you call your boyfriend is a shitty, disgusting person. You’re so much worse for being with him!”He shouted back at you. “Excuse me?”You asked, somehow surprised that he would say it to your face. 

“Come on, (Y/N). You’re not that fucking stupid. He’s using you and you know it. But you like being used, dont you?”He asked, causing you to go silent. For once you didnt know what to do or what to say. He was getting closer to you, gripping your wrists and pushing you against the door in a swift movement, your back hitting the wood hard. 

His eyes stayed on you, raising an eyebrow. “Answer the question, princess.”He demanded. You stared back at him, feeling his grip tighten. “Sometimes.”You replied, not wanting to give him the satisfaction he craved. 

“Dont lie to yourself, sweetheart. You’re a little maniac that likes to be used.”He spoke into your ear, leaning down and kissing you roughly.You were struggling to keep up, so much happening so fast. His hands were under your shirt, sloppy kisses being dragged up and down your neck. 

“Do you want me?”He asked you, fingernails digging into your skin. You nodded eagerly, feeling a sense of relief when he pulled you over and onto the bed, glad that you werent trapped against the wood surface. He didnt let you lay down, pushing you onto your knees as you stared up at him. 

He guided one of your hands to his belt, making you press against him before letting go, biting his lip as you palmed him through his pants, carefully undoing his belt with slightly shaky hands. 

He let you take your time, grinning at how nervous he made you, watching you struggle with his zipper. He chuckled, pushing you back and undoing his pants, getting on top of you, parting your legs. “Does Rafe make you this nervous?”He asked, seeming pleased with himself. 

You shook your head, not sure you could answer properly. He grinned, kissing you again. He lifted your shirt over your head quickly, tossing it. “Im flattered that I have such an effect on you.”He muttered, tugging your shorts off, his hand wrapping around your neck not soon after. 

His blue eyes were staring into you, squeezing harder for a moment. He was testing how much you could take, his thumb pressing into a spot right below your jaw. His hand dragged from your neck to the end of your hair, tugging harshly and causing you to let out a low shout. 

He chuckled, letting go and unclasping your bra. “There’s so many things I could do to you…. We’ve got four hours until Rafe remembers you…..”He muttered, tugging down your underwear and keeping your thighs open with his hands, settling between them. 

“Can you last four hours?”He asked. You nodded, moaning when his tongue slid through your folds. He chuckled, his fingernails leaving little crescent moons into your skin as he lapped at your entrance. You already already shaking from his tongue alone, your hands going to his hair and whimpering when he pulled away. 

“No, no, princess. You dont get to touch me.”He told you, grabbing his belt off the floor. “Give me your wrists.”He told you, grinning when you put them out for him. He had so much power over you, holding your wrists to the headboard and securing them with the belt. He settled back between your thighs, his tongue darting in and out of you, pressing his thumb against your clit. 

He could feel you were about to get close, pulling away before you could reach your high. You whined, moving against the belt. “What? You dont like that, princess?”He asked, moving up again so that his nose was against yours. “JJ, please.”You whispered, thinking that maybe he would change even just for a moment when he kissed you. 

“Not. A. Chance.”He replied. “This isnt fair!”You exclaimed, moaning again when he licked your nipple. “Not fair?”He asked, beginning to suck. He moved his hand up to pinch your other nipple, rolling his thumb over it. “I think its pretty fair, (Y/N).”He replied, turning you over so that your stomach was against the mattress and you had to turn your head to breathe properly. His palm collided with your ass, sending a shock through your body. 

“You okay?”He asked, moving your hair aside and pressinga  kiss to you cheek. He was only calm for a moment before he smacked you again, making you take a shaky breath. “Anthony hit me twelve times….you get fifteen. Count.”He told you, rubbing your ass before lifting up his hand again, the hit making a loud noise.

 “One.”You whispered, squeezing your eyes shut as he hit you again. You’d never let Rafe do this to you. You didnt like most things Rafe did especially in the bedroom. He just couldnt do what you wanted and if he did he just couldnt do it well. You didnt know when you got to ten, tears streaming down your cheeks. “JJ…. I dont think I can take more.”You sobbed. 

He took in a deep breath, leaning down. “Hmm…. you’re doing so good, princess. Only five more left, promise I wont be too rough.”He whispered, his fingertips grazing over your thighs, waiting for an answer. You nodded, biting your lip as you waited, his palm hitting you again but not nearly as hard as the others. He spanked you again, rubbing the area after carefully. 

You werent too worried anymore, whispering after he hit you the last time. He gave you a moment to recover, his fingers rubbing your thigh and sides, kissing your shoulder. He turned you over a few moments later, staring down at you. He pressed a kiss to your lips, the act much more gentle than before. 

He pulled away after a second, his hand back at your throat as he pushed into you. You gasped, your head falling against the pillows as he bottomed out. He chuckled, tugging at your hair and forcing your head back some more, leaning down and nipping at your shoulder, only letting go when you whimpered. 

It wasnt hard enough for you to bleed but his teeth left imprints in your skin, a satisfied smile on his face before he sped up. “Does Rafe fuck you like this?”He asked, hitting a spot so deep inside of you that you hadnt even known that it existed. You moaned loudly, feeling him tug your hair again. 

“JJ!”You shouted from the pain against your scalp. “Answer the question.”He told you. You licked your lips, an idea sparking in your mind. “Rafe’s better.”You lied. He looked down at you, fingers pressing hard against your neck. “You want me to stop? You wanna go back to Rafe?”He asked, thrusting in and out of you. You shook your head quickly, wrapping your legs around his torso.

 “Thats what I though, you fucking liar.”He muttered, slowing when he heard a knock at the door. “Anyone in there?”A voice shouted. It was Rafe’s. “Make a sound and im done with you.”He told you, picking up the pace. 

“Rafe, man. Im busy!”He shouted. You bit your lip, closing your eyes and trying your best not to make any noises. You heard a loud groan before heavy footsteps thumped down the hall. JJ chuckled, noticing your relief. “Aww, the poor slut doesnt wanna go back to her boyfriend.”He grinned, biting your neck again. 

You knew Rafe would see the marks but you didnt really care, eyes widening as you clenched around JJ. He let go of you, pulling out and cumming on your bare stomach. He panted, kissing you gently before freeing your wrists, kissing the skin gently. For someone who hated you he was being surprisingly sweet, especially after what just happened.

 It didnt last long before he got up and put his clothes back on, your suspicions confirmed when you noticed a large stain across his shirt. “See you around, kook.”He winked at you before leaving the room. You laid down on the bed, pain running through your body. You felt guilty for feeling so good, your wrists stinging slightly and your heart dropping when you realised Rafe would see.

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[skeletorific]

I Like My Coffee Like I Like My Skeleton

The name changes. To some its known as Reaper’s Grind. To others, Bones and Brew. To still others, MarshMarrow. It depends who’s in charge that month. Regardless of the name, it is always painted in black script on a driftwood sign, carved so that it appears to be cradled by giant skeleton hands.

Most see this sign and assume its some kind of Halloween or Goth themed establishment. However, the caffeine addicted of the city know there’s no better place to get your fix. As long as your willing to put up with the quirks of the owners.

The cafe is a cozy space, varying levels of clean depending on who’s on staff. The walls are beige, with abstract murals of black paint covering the walls. Frequent patrons will notice that the murals seem to expand as time goes on. Every now and then they’ll come in to the walls completely blank, having apparently been painted over, only to start again. Rumor has it that if you squint you can make out swear words, or even bad jokes in the design. Squinting is not encouraged. There is also a shelf of books for customers to peruse or even purchase. Mostly trashy romance novels for reasons no one has ever been able to figure out, as well as joke books, science textbooks, car magazines, and, most bewilderingly, puzzle theory. 

The cafe has 8 owners, usually with only two or three on staff at a time. They all look so similar that most believe they’re related. Some will even call each other “brother” or “bro”, which seems to confirm it, but everyone worries it’d be racist to ask.

Papyrus is usually on staff in the mornings, which is a good thing. He’s a bright and perky presence to start your day with, and he does his best to create a welcoming environment for those on their way to an early morning commute. He specializes in perk ups, something to get help you shake off those last remnants of sleep while preventing those midmorning crashes. He’ll usually try to coax customers into the healthier versions. “REALLY, ALMOND MILK IS MUCH BETTER FOR YOU!” He also is very good at remembering small details about his regulars. Some of them come to depend on him as a daily reminder to take their meds. Now if only he was better at remembering names...he tends to come up with nicknames for people he sees a lot and they stick with him more than their actual names. An absolute sweetheart who keeps the store spotless, but if he tries to get you to sample his latest pastry invention, politely decline.

Sans is a less energetic presence to be sure (he can usually be found asleep and propped up in some corner if no one on shift bothers to wake him up), but he’s also a well-liked staple of the cafe. He has an easy, laid-back small talk that can set even the most agoraphobic introvert at ease, and writes bad jokes on coffee cups. His coffee is mostly pretty basic stuff, but if you know him well and ask him for the secret stuff....well, you’d be be prepared to deal with the fallout. That particular menu option is the last resort of grad students trying to get through their thesis. The effects are somewhere between Red Eye and Speed. One girl reported a full week of being unable to close her eyes, by the end of which she could taste color and was carrying on active conversations in a language that she did not know. It is varying levels of legal depending on who you ask. Just dont narc. And don’t ask in front of his brother. 

Its easy to tell when Red is on the clock, his motorcycle is easily the most ostentatious thing in the parking lot. So much so that he insists on a two parking spot bubble around it to avoid scratches. He also refuses to take off his leather jacket, wearing it over his uniform. No apron. Not a fuckin chance. His customer service is at best ehhh (unless he considers you attractive, in which case, prepare your flirtatious barista fantasies), but the boy makes a pumpkin spice latte so good it should be illegal. Spiced drinks as a whole are his specialty. When fall and winter roll around he brings customers in like flies to honey to get a taste of it, and it make the cafe smell amazing. Don’t tell anyone but he has a habit of “forgetting” to make people pay for their coffee when they look like they’re having a rough time. Not that he’d ever admit it, but he’s kind of a softie. Abysmal cleaning, and he’s usually making drinks for himself on the clock, but once you get to know the guy, he’s a pretty good dude. Also his music taste is fire and the cafe playlist gets infinitely better whenever he’s on staff.

Edge is a different story. While all of them technically own the store in equal parts and no one is legally in charge, it was pretty quickly discovered that mixing Edge with customer service was a recipe for disaster. So he takes on a more managerial role, dealing with finance, shipment, rent, and advertising deals. Everything needed to keep the place afloat. When he’s on shift (and he usually is), he can generally be found in the office unless the place is absolutely slammed. Though he’s not much for dealing with customers, he’s excellent at making gourmet drinks. His skills were made for Instagram. He also has just a biiiit of a soft spot for the kids that sometimes come in,  and may have quietly slipped in some more child friendly options to the bookshelf, as well as a couple action figures that Red swears look familiar. 

If you want a high octane burst without risking your life, Blue is your guy. I mean, the dude’s practically a walking five hour energy. He is more than generous with his definition of what a shot is, and blends in truly irresponsible amounts of sugar and sweetner for an extra kick. Kids naturally love the insanely sweet taste but it is not recommended that parents let them finish a full sized one. If Edge is on the clock he will straight up slap it out of his hands before people start bouncing off the walls. Blue is also incredibly sweet and friendly with the customers, and has amassed a decent sized collection of regulars who only became regulars due to a crush on him. He flirts shamelessly but never lets it go too far.

Stretch likes doing novelty drinks. Did someone say Unicorn Frappucinnos? The weirder and more poorly conceived the better. He also does most of the baking for the cafe. Muffet taught him a lot about pastries back underground, although it took a while to make the transition from spider carcasses to just...you know, normal flour. He switches the menu up a lot when he gets bored of making the same thing, although for some reason corndogs are always an option. The kitchen really is the best place for him. Leaving him unattended on the front tends to lead to miscief, especially if his brother is there to egg him on. He’ll loosely detach his hand only to enjoy the horrified looks when it pops off as he hands a drink to the customer. They get more negative Yelp reviews that way, but a lot of customers enjoy his sense of humor. He has absolutely tried to pull the Salt and Pepper diner bit by editing the playlist for the cafe 

Black is a bit of an odd duck in the cafe. He doesn’t have the patience to sit still long enough for managerial responsibilities. He’s terrible with customer service. His drinks arent bad, but the coffee is as black as his soul regardless of what they actually ordered. Even when forced to make something a little less straightforward he makes it incredibly bitter, because to him, coffee should never be sweet! If you don’t want bitter, don’t get coffee!! some wonder why the others even bother to let him on staff. But Black’s role is vital. Its inevitable that asshole customers pop up in a coffee shop. Entitled, being a dick to either the other baristas or even other customers. And this is where Black shines. Come hell or highwater he can get any customer out in less than a minute with little to no scene, both reducing the time they’re  in the store and the risk that watching the altercation might cause an anxiety spike in one of their customers. He just up and carts them out of the store, then returns a few moments later, quietly checking in on everyone involved to make sure no one was hurt or too shaken up. When asked what happens to these guys the only thing Black will ever say is “NOTHING YOU CAN PROVE”. He also keeps the place spotless. May or may not help Blue and Stretch with the pranks, though he’ll deny it to the bitter end.

While Blue may lowkey flirt with a few and Red may highkey flirt with a lot, Rus is flirting with everyone. No, seriously. Everyone. Not being creepy, but chances are you’re leaving with red cheeks that have nothing to with the hot drink in your hand. He’s fairly popular for precisely this reason, though very few have ever gotten a serious date out of it. The man makes a mean cappucinno, great herbal  teas and has those smoky bedroom eyes. There’s buzz that he’s also the one responsible for the ever evolving mural, though he never confirms it. Rus takes far too many smoke breaks and doesn’t clean worth a damn but is responsible for nearly half of their consistent customer base. He has a sixth sense for creeps. If he sees a date going on where one of them is looking exceedingly uncomfortable, he can effortlessly swoop in and charm the pants off them until the other asshole leaves in frustration. If he sees someone looking nervous he has ways of subtly getting out of them what the problem is. And if he ever gets the vibe that someone is being harassed he may or may not sic Black onto them without batting an eye. Much as he seems not to give a damn about anything regarding work, Rus takes it as a minor point of pride that their cafe is a safe space for people to get away from it all, if only for a couple minutes.

Bonus:

Axe is their maintenance man who comes in whenever equipment breaks, while Crooks is the night janitor who will often come in with his brother on daytime calls. Both of them are a bit too...unstable for regualar shift jobs. Maintenance positions allows them to be on their own if they need to be and generally avoid stressful triggers. Still, Crooks loves the cafe. On his good days he helps Stretch with the baking, and when the day is really slow Blue and Papyrus will teach him how to mix drinks. Axe is a little more grumbly about it but even he admits its kind of a calm space to be in. The man drinks exculsively black coffee though so he kind of misses out on most of the menu. When he’s in a good mood he competes with Red over flirting with customers. 

Special thanks to @jezziconvair who gave me the idea for a lot of the drink specialities and who Tumblr isn’t letting me tag for some reason!

[sunnycityshadypeople]

Defining Heartbreak: The Friendzone

I felt like writing and I guess could be a place to put it as it’s my only social media account where I have a bit more anonymity.    I feel hung over as fuck today, but noticed when I was articulating some deeper thoughts with someone that instantly felt better - so here goes with a story not of woe is me, but of the discovery I made about myself  Unrequited love over the years has reared it’s head a couple times.    In my early twenties, a guy I met online on Gaydar (is that site still a thing) - became a friend. I was actually his first gay friend and we hung out a lot.  We both went ot the same university and had one class that we both had in common - despite studying different degrees.   I thought he was super cute, intelligent and a catch - he had a certain confident swagger about him. Nothing sexual ever happened between us.   He then went overseas to live in France for a year - studying at the same university that the recently departed Kofi Annan.   Fast forward a year and over that time of missing him, I realised I had feelings for him and the cliche of distance only making the heart grow fonder certainly rung true.   When he finally returned to Australia, I was so happy to see him and a bunch of us hit the town together. A friend brought his rather cute pal along and joined me and my crush on a night out.   As it turns out, my friend’s cute pal ended up hooking up with my crush.  In a tree. IN A FUCKING TREE.  

I was crushed.      Like *spoiler alert* Captain America watching his best mate Bucky die or Tony Stark seeing a fading spiderman begging him not to go.   Yeah I was in my early 20s but it was defining moment of heartbreak. 

I dont remember how long after but I was moping around at my brother’s place and my sister was there.  She saw me dejected and withdrawn, asking me ‘what’s wrong?’ - I left out the front door and sat on the balcony and ugly cried.   And not the ugly crying I did when KFC stopped selling hot and spicy chicken, this was far far worse.  And a defining moment of heartbreak.  Sidebar:  I’ve always been a bit of a philosphical existentialist - mainly due to the the movie ‘The Matrix’.  The nature of reality fascinates me.    When I was 18, the philosphical book ‘The Celestine Prophecy’ came into my life... I actually ‘found’ the book on the street (I kid you not!) and it changed my life and the way I think abnd that’s where the true existentialist in me had an awakening. anyways. I’ve always been an introspective soul -- something perhaps most people I know don’t realise.  The cyclic nature of life (ok picture me holding my laptop up ala the Lion King pose as we sing the Circle of Life) - means that sometimes it feels like things repeat themselves.  I sometimes forget about the lessons that we need to learn and of course it came from another defining moment of heartbreak - this time in my mid 30′s.  I’d started chatting to this guy on a dating app mid 2016.    I thought he was super cute, intelligent and a catch - he had a certain confident swagger about him.   Feeling a sense of De ja vu?  No,it’s not a glitch in the matrix.    I tend to have a long lead time before I meet anyone online (I’m sure there’s a basis of fear of rejection in there but really are you that surprise after hearing that fucking sob story before!?) Anyways, we ran into each other at the gym and that was the first time we met.  We hung out a few times, and certainly these felt like dates.  We had a lot in common (and a lot in difference too), laughed alot and he was probably the first guy in a long time I met whose personality I loved.    He was witty at time cutting, his text game was super strong - but I’d usually own him face to face.   We’d spend our days jibing at each other trying to insult each other with memes (because Memes are life, right!?).  One time I was chatting to him via text -  describing a guy I used to like and how this dude and I had a lot common, was super nice... he replied to me ‘Kinda like us really?’  AND WHOA hold up this could be a romantasiced re-telling of my overthinking interpretation of a message - but that was sliding doors moment that would lead me to my next defining heartbreak.     I should have taken the bait.  But I was scared.  My absolute fear of rejection was scared to just tell this dude I like him - even if I was misconstrued in that message.    I do prefer voice messages over text because tone is a hard mother fucker to judge - thank god for emojis and ifs but still - just press that record button on whatsapp (He didnt’ like voice messages as he thought they were lazy) whereas I like to really convey my meaning.

Unless that meaning is ‘cue Madonna’ “IM CRAAAAZY FOR YOU TOUCH ME ONCE and you’ll know it’s truuuuue I never wanted anyone like this it’s all brand new... you’ll feel it in my kiss, you’ll feel it in my touch because I’m crazy for you - touch me once and you’ll know its’ true’

Anyways sorry about that Australian Idol gone Karaoke wrong moment. If you’ve fallen asleep reading this, you can thank me for the cure to insomnia later.  Ok, cut to the chase Jimbo - fast forward a year and half of being friends with someone you secretly love.  I use the term’ secretly’ loosely - because OMG was I just coming across as the love sick despo girl - random presents in his mailbox, being the nicest most supportive, generous friend - because hey, maybe he’ll come around if I kill him with kindness.  There’s an excellent article on being in the friendzone you should read by the way - I’ll talk about that later. I’m not going to go into details out of respect for this guy, but I knew inherently and the truth of the matter was no matter what I did or who I was - he was still on his Rupaul ‘can’t love nobody unless you love yourself’ journey.   So the harsh reality, and the ‘hes just not that into you’ vibes as espoused by Oprah back in the day meant this defining heartbreak was a bit different to the first.   I knew it was too far into the friendzone (never say never, but yeah let’s be real).. if it’s in the friendzone, they have to give you something that’ll finally get you into the endzone.  Anyways, I’d do anything for this guy.  Despite actually rationally speaking he didn’t tick some major core values for me.  It’s funny how attraction works.   A close friend who is a counsellor told me about ‘attachment styles’ (look it up, I wont digress more than I already have) - but essentially I was a major victim (of my own doing, because people don’t cause us to feel - we cause us to feel - think about that for a sec).. I was a major victim of treat em mean keep em keen. And I kept coming back for more.   I even tried weening myself off him by disengaging and that was great, but then we re-engaged. His was of re-engaging was sending me a message that said ‘Welfare Check’.  If it was me, I’d be like ‘Hey dude, I miss you! whats up!?’  The last time we saw each other was almost 2 months ago - nothing dramatic went down, but after not seeing the guy for a few weeks - he could only afford me about 40 minutes of his time.    It was a pleasant catch up but neither of us have communicated since.   He’s stubborn and I’m stubborn too.  But ulimately, it’s not healthy for me to love someone who doesn’t know what to do with my love.   And I look back at my own behaviour and do a major eyeroll because I really should save that stuff for someone who likes me back. That article I mentioned above - which I’ll post the link to - had a very simple suggestion and rule to avoid unrequited love and being in the friendzone. Only like somone who likes you back. OH MY FUCKING GOD REGINA YOU COULD HAVE TOLD ME THAT A YEAR AND A HALF AGO! Anyways, I’ve had some amazing dates and met a couple awesome guys (there’s still a them of them not living in the same city as me but hey I can deal with that for the moment). I have a lot of love in my life and the love I give  is welcomed and I’m not feeling like I’m being treated as an afterthought.  I emphasis ‘feeling’ because the truth is, I may not be an afterthought to him.   But actions do speak louder than words, and his inaction has spoken to me.   That’s cool.   My love will always be there.   But in defining heartbreak, I defined myself and thank you for reading this I’d like to thank the academy and you for being you. You are loved. 

[audible--silence]

Well shit.

23 ay, the year Casey resented turning just a few months prior. The last 12 months felt like they were one big bender except I started it hopeful and optimistic, went through a few months of utter chaos, underwent a huge amount of change and then came out the other end somewhere between jaded and selfish; and chaotic and fun. The last twelve months flew by seemingly so fast i can barely remember it, until i start thinking about it and i realize just how much happened and how much has changed and how much ive done and how much everyone has done. So much has happened. You went through a good few months of breakup chaos (as i write this, i cant believe the breakup isn’t ancient history yet) including lots of mates, lots of staying busy, lots of alcohol and a fair few joints. I hitchhiked to Broome and back with Dan. That set me off on the photography and adventure road for the year. The post breakup was lots of kinda staying together, trying to be friends, jealousy, miscommunication, pettiness and frustration but at the same time, there was much love and patience and understanding and forgiveness and care and fun. In the middle of the worst of it, there was always the knowing that we’d be ok. We always believed it. Then after some months of change and growth, for better or for worse, we find ourselves on opposite sides of the country again, my plan to come see you spoiled by hard conversation, hard feelings and a hard fucking virus to plan around. We both had our chaotic period of the year, mine being arguably a tad more fun and a tad less anxious. Yours arguably giving me the most fomo, though I cant say for sure. I spent my days filling them with anything and everything with anyone and everyone. I made lots of new friends and intensified relationships with old ones. In the same breath, i think I’ve drifted from some others, though it may be too early to tell. We drifted and I started to let you go. One day, I realized it worked, after much effort and pain. Sometime after, you realized you felt differently about the idea of being together and I got spooked. I told myself I wasn’t ready but the truth is i was just very scared. Of opening back up, of looking like a fool, of getting played again. I withdrew and started being painful to you in a sad effort to make you want space. I hurt you and caused you grief and for more than I wish to accept, I knew i was. I was selfish and unsure which made for a cocktail designed to reduce any situation into a heavily laden emotional shitstorm that took its time playing out through lots of letters and discussions and fights but eventually ended in us planting enough metaphorical and physical space smack bang in the middle of us with the desired outcome being a certain degree more ok without the other. I welcomed it gladly till I realized you were actually pretty great. Now, we’ve had our season of not talking and are now trying the whole friendship thing again. As i write, I’m assuming you have a new boyfriend. He has good tastebuds. I know little as it stands, we’ve been out of communication for some time. I hope he’s wonderful but i kind of hope you still like me a little. Selfish im sure but hey.

I spent the time working, drinking, gigging, shooting, writing, planning on moving and the eventually traveling anyway. I met a new girl. It came and went pretty swiftly. I gave her my virginity and it was not worth it. I ended up leaving my crew of beautiful friends, my lovely old piece of shit house, my super fun job and all of the customers and going up north to Exmouth with one of Gods finest creations, Ben Gallagher. I write this right now in Karijini, where im traveling with many good humans in a slightly dodgy nissan xtrail that fit most of my life in. My life without the people that make it so. Im learning from traveling that you cant take the joy you get from your relationships with your friends to strangers and expect the same result. I dont miss my bed, despite my car barely fitting me, but i do miss my friends. They’re all doing mostly well. Claire is seeing Austy and they seem to be in the wildly in love phase. Reubs fucked his shoulder and is now mining gold. Ty lives with Reubs, broke up with Z, got a new job and then stopped talking to me when i left town. Ben is strong w Cails and is currently undergoing prac in bunno. Tom is living the dream still. I think his house is being built? Dan just proposed the fkn maniac. Harry got married. Fuckin nuts. Loz is building a house, the gang are all doin good. Music vids are coming out n shit now. Up the barry.

I started working at Hemingway, a place that saw me through a lot of different stages of life. I started a little unsure of myself and what i was doing and then left it confident, self assured enough in my abilities and with scores of new friends from the team and the customers. All of whom mostly entirely unaware, helped me through a breakup and then saw me thrive and grow into my own skin day by day and coffee after coffee. As i write this, its been a couple months since my last shift and i really miss it.

As I write this I realize more and more just how much happened this year and just how little I have reflected on it. Too much time socializing, working and surfing in a mad ditch to stay busy in order to avoid thinking about much at all. Evidently worked because I am realizing i have so much to talk about and realizing i have so much to contemplate.

Where I find myself now, i have more to say and feel i have less power to say it. I want to do everything but I dont know why. I miss my people but they dont talk much unless im there. I dont know what to do with myself and im not sure if im supposed to or not.

I’m tired, less enthusiastic and cynical.

I’m also fun and ready and charming enough to figure shit out right now that seems to be what i want. To figure shit out. I dont even know my own brain anymore, maybe I should figure that out. It all seemed so easy with her. I miss that. But here I am. I will make ot work.

12.12

4/8/21

[lokbobpop]

Effect

mid-14c., "execution or completion (of an act)," from Old French efet (13c., Modern French effet) "result, execution, completion, ending," from Latin effectus "accomplishment, performance," from past participle stem of efficere "work out, accomplish," from assimilated form of ex "out" (see ex-) + combining form of ...

A cause is something that produces an event or condition; an effect is what results from an event or condition. ... Often it is not necessary, or even possible, to find the exact cause of an event or to name the exact effect

Effect ef fect eff ect

Writing effect

What effects me effects all if i were in an angry mood and i shouted at trin lets say then she would pass it on to someone else an so on so we are just effecting each other so if I don’t i just take responsibility for my emotions it stops with me this is key to a new earth a new way to live taking responsibility for my mind and actions

I need to be more effective at what im doing stopping my mind i need to up my game also i need to get past my I can’t do this and do this look where writing has gotten me what might something else get me.

Readin effect

What effects me most is fear fear of what might be this effects me most death dying pain anguish shit like this but i cant do anything about these things so i have to move past this to live i have to see theres more to life that this and i need to try to live this to see whats its like because anything is better than what im living right now why do i chose to live like this ? Not sure im not looking at this properly only seeing fearful.

Everything effects all one thought pattern effects me it ads to another layer of doubt and this effects my physical im now in a state of physical pain from all thr effects of my mind on my physical when will i stop this abuse.

Im effected by so much chris being angry im effected i get upset angry fight back i want him to shut up i want him to try grow up but i dont think it will he’s nto seeing that this is wrong yet i feel like im doing this all on my own he needs ot start to realize and help out for use blame comes up yes poor little Caroline has ot do this all on her own again lol

The elnino effect where we get very dry years and very wet years cycles of chaos no water where i live in oz is terrible.

The effect of what i say on someone is very important it could effect there whole life how everything effects everything

To be effective in myself to stand within myself so other can see and be effective i will be effective i will move past this points of the mind.

Ripple effect yes i need be sure everything thought and spoken word has an effect on myself and others i need to work as hard as i cant to be more effective in my process to change me for the best of me i need to work out the best why.

Learn and test i see this would be good for me ot live learn then live it at all times i keep forgetting though i so pissed off i can’t remember stuff.

Domino effect when one falls everything falls i need to stop my domino from falling i need ot stand up all the time and not just sometimes i need to get up again and again until the job is done.

Saying effect

So many things effect me chris moods mostly my thoughts very much so so what can i do to stop the effects of what happens in my inside and outside world what can i stand as to stop it all ? What about the word stand in itself is a great word to stand motionless clear with self to stand as me fro me i stand i tale the stand for me yes i stand

Ive see ive been effected by so much in my life all day every day im effected i have lived unaffected what would it be like to live unaffected by what i see hear all day the effects are tremendous on myself and others i need ot live much more effectively how can i live much more effectively? To see who i am in every given moment to stand within myself in every given moment to not fall in every given moment to love self enough to not fall in every given moment to want need and desire that i never fall i always stand as me for me and for all i can be the effect of change for others then when i effective myself i can feel this within me i can have the effect to change myself which will help others change so we can all start living its just rigth here right now its not down some road i need to live i see it now right here right now within me i just have ot allow me to live it to be it let go of all that is holding me back i know what to do so why am i not living it i need ot start living in every moment of my life now right now.

What has effected me school my younger years have affected me for all my life why have i aloud this to happen why am i still living the kid that thinks they aren’t good enough why do i live this person i am not this person this was a situation where i didn’t understand not that i have to alway live this way oh no thats in my past that isnt now it cant shape me now i wont allow it im me yes me i let go of all the belief of what i thought I was they weren’t true they were all lies my mind told me to believe about myself

Sf

Does this definition support me no i blame myself for not standing for believing in my mind for seeing i was ok its alright all my life for believing in my mind and not seeing whats best for me and all sadness of what i have done to my physical and others because i havent lived effectively ive lived only in my mind.

Effect affect

Effect

To live effectively

I will live this word with being effective at all times to waste no more time to be my best effective person for me for others i am effective

[should-be-sleeping]

youre autisic correct? (i dont remember who i follow that is sorry if im wrong) my little brother is autistic and im trying to teach him how to be nicer. his school friends have taught him how to hit people and cuss and spit at people, i want to help him understand why thats not nice, he thinks its funny. thank you so much for the help!!

I am, yes. This is cumbersome to answer because I’m not sure what your brother is like. I don’t know his age and autism varies a lot from person to person, like some are verbal and some aren’t. Some have sensory issues, some don’t. Some are easily influenced, others are not. Some you see a lot of ehcolalia, others practically none. Some are in special classes or schools and some are mainstreamed. The variables are numerous.For example as a child I had a severe aversion to touching other people at all, so I never went through a phase where I might hit someone else because the idea of touching them was repulsive.But, I’ll try to offer some advice/insight both as an autistic person, the parent of an autistic person, and a person who has dealt with a great number of young children both autistic and not in general. It’s a little long, so I threw it under a cut.(Read more…)

To start, I would say to try explaining it whether he’s verbal or not and if you need to, break it down into simpler cues. Like the PECS icon or ASL sign for “stop” if receptive ID is something he’s still working on area great tools. A hard “stop” and then shutting down the scenario will convey that it’s not acceptable behavior over time. It can be tricky when harmful behaviors crop up in kids in general because they are too young to understand why they shouldn’t be mean (like emotional cause and effect isn’t really a thing until much older) and if the child is more expressive than receptive it can be even harder to help them find alternative means for whatever they are actually trying to express. Rarely are harmful behaviors actually wilful acts of defiance.Giving them the power to remove themselves from situations entirely as needed is what generally helps the most as many “negative” stims and echolalia are triggered by overstimulation or stress. So teaching a kid to recognize when things are getting to be too much and letting the kid say, “All done,” or “Break time,” and remove themselves to another room away from everything else can prevent a lot of these behaviors in general. When they feel trapped in a situation or area, they are more likely to express harmful behaviors in trying to cope with it.For example, if given the choice between spitting on a peer or going and using the computer or tablet for 15 minutes in a quiet place, I’m willing to bet they’ll choose the later. Positive reinforcement works better with kids overall. If you respond to their hitting someone by hitting them, you’re only showing them that it’s okay for people to hit people. You know? A better method is just, “Why hit someone when you could be doing this totally cool thing instead? Here, let’s play this game you LOVE or have this snack that is your favorite (or whatever).” Aim to try to offer the alternative before violence is actually carried out so that it doesn’t seem like a reward. Like the instant a peer interaction starts to go south, offer the alternative.What I also see a lot is autistic kids playing out “skits” of things they saw at school as a form of echolalia. So they do things like hit people or spit on them and maybe even repeat a phrase in association with that act repetitively because they saw someone else doing it and it just becomes A Thing for a while. My son, who is autistic too, often echolalia’s his teacher’s reprimanding other students (we hear a lot of, “Max, no! Chloe no climbing! Jojo, shoes on!” etc.) Sometimes your response to this is the “amusing” part as you are raising your voice or behaving “new and differently” for reasons they don’t understand yet. At times the best way to break a habit is to pretend it isn’t happening until they move on to the next one. I know that is harder when the habit that’s been formed is potentially harming someone but patience is really the key. If you have to react, keep it simple to limit how interesting your reaction seems. Around here a disinterested, “Mn, no thank you.” tends to work way better than any sort of overt frustration which is found very interesting more often than it’s curbed any behaviors.You can try working on zones of regulation (color coded moods, basically, to make them easier to recognize) as a way for them to learn their own boundaries and those of others, but you will have to be consistent. If your brother has a speech therapist or OT, you can talk to them about ideas that they can reinforce as well. Getting “same” input from multiple sources is really helpful in forming and reinforcing positive coping mechanisms.I hope any of this has helped at all. Feel free to send me additional details if you’d like more specific advice. But ultimately it’ll be patience and persistence that’ll help you both the most. You can also pull the kids aside that are teaching him these things, intentionally or not, and explain to them the damage they are causing. They may not care, but if you threaten to tell their moms/dads, you may find they suddenly care a whole lot more.

[comicteaparty]

April 8th-April 14th, 2019 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party week long chat that occurred from April 8th, 2019 to April 14th, 2019.  The chat focused on Radio Silence by Vanessa Stefaniuk.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB START!

Hello and welcome everyone to Comic Tea Party’s Week Long Book Club~! This week we’ll be focusing on Radio Silence by Vanessa Stefaniuk~! (http://www.radiosilencecomic.com/)

You are free to read and comment about the comic all week at your own pace, so stop on by whenever it suits your schedule! Remember, though, that while we allow constructive criticism, our focus is to have fun and appreciate the comic. Below you will find four questions to get you started on the discussion. However, a new question will be posted and pinned everyday (between 12:01AM and 6AM PDT), so keep checking back for more! You have until April 14th to tell us all your wonderful thoughts! With that established, let’s get going on the reading and the chatting!

QUESTION 1. What has been your favorite scene in the comic so far? What specifically did you like about it?

QUESTION 2. What do you think happened in Wren’s past to make her the way she is? How does this also tie in to what happened between her and Conibear? Will she ultimately overcome these issues? If so, how do you think it’ll happen?

€heshire777

My favorite so far is Shy's expression when Wren grabbed his arm on the bus.

€heshire777

I don't have the link handy, sorry

€heshire777

Radio Silence should totaly do a jam with noosehead

RebelVampire

QUESTION 3. At the moment, who is your favorite character? What about that character earns them this favor?

QUESTION 4. Do you think Matt is hiding something from the group given his video call at one point? If so, what is he hiding, and what’s stopping him from saying anything to the group? What does the person he was talking to have to do with it?

starkfield

1) I love Brent's worry going into overdrive when Colbie and Shy get left behind and the bus is looking for him, worried that even an old lady walking her dog is in desperate need of help...it's such a great character moment as you realize how much he notices/is always mentally juggling

RebelVampire

1) my favorite scene this read through is probably the scene where wren and shy finally talk. i appreciate how natural everything felt, yet at the same time felt like a concentrated efffort on wren's part to finally get shy to talk to her. brent also kind of set up some expectations about whether theyd get along or not, so it was some good immediate payoff to seeing that yup, he right. 2) I think it's pretty clear Wren was an abusive relationship before she met the band. Who with it's hard to say. It could be a boyfriend but given her age id also believe it was her father. But regardless i think for all of wren's confidence that she has a lot of self esteem issues that shes trying to get over and it doesnt help when ppl like conibear are around her reinforcing her worst fears. i think shell overcome them, but i kind of think she needs to get a therapist if she doesnt already have one. which, theyre on the road a lot, so i dont get the impression she does have one.

3) Probably Shy because I find Shy the most relateable. Also I like shy because i kind of feel like he has the most potential for growth. Not to say the other characters arent growing or have issues to deal with, but i feel shy kind of starts on the lowest rung of the ladder. So when he grows and changes, like how he finally learns to talk to Wren, its really noticeable and really satisfying. Like watching your baby grow up. 4) for the life of me i cant fathom what matt is hiding. at first youd assume the obvious: that he wants to go solo. but that doesnt seem likely given other things hes said. and youd also think hed have said something by now if that was the case. though i feel like hes avoiding the subject because he feels like the others, especially colbie, would take it as a betrayal. as for the person he was talking to, who i believe is his cousin, i think shes just involved in the sense that he needed to tell someone. so he told her cause she cant exactly go spilling the beans to the band for him

RebelVampire

QUESTION 5. What has been your favorite illustration in the comic so far? What specifically about it do you like?

QUESTION 6. Given the focus on communication and relationships, what was your favorite moment where the challenge relationships present was on display? Overall, what do you think we can learn about the two from the comic?

RebelVampire

5) I've always really love this top panel with the Brandenburg Gate http://www.radiosilencecomic.com/comic/174 Cause man, there is so much attention to detail in the panel. Not just for the architecture, but all the little activities of the people too. It really feels like a hot tourist spot. Not to mention I love the angle used cause it really gives an impression of granduer and scale. 6) i really liked the recent one between matt and shy where shy was upset matt had treated him like a kid when dealing with samantha. at first i was kind of was more on the other character's page where i didnt really get what shy's deal was considering samantha had been the awful one. but then when shy was forced to communicate his feelings, it just really struck me as an "omg this makes sense." but i somehow feel this reaction i had was 100% what communication and relationships are all about. because sometimes we dont understand how we hurt others, and sometimes we forget that ppl arent mind readers. so for me, it was a moment where communication really was at the heart of it and it showed that without communication, relationships really just dont work that well. which this last sentiment i think is the take away from the entire comic. communication is key, because if we dont make others understand, we cant expect others to just magically know.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 7. Which characters do you enjoy seeing interact the most? What about their dynamic interests you?

QUESTION 8. Why do you think Liz took a chance on the band? What happened between her and Pandora, and how might this come up again given the past history Radio Silence has with the Sirens?

RebelVampire

QUESTION 9. What sorts of art or story details have you noticed in the way the comic is crafted that you think deserves attention?

QUESTION 10. Overall, how do you feel Shy will continue to grow and change over the course of the story? What role do you think Wren will have to play in his future?

RebelVampire

7) im really torn between saying shy and wren or shy and brent. so ill say both. cause i super enjoy watching how shy and wren come to get along even though their personalities are so opposite. like opposite in the way i never know what to expect when theyre interacting, so that makes each interaction exciting. but i also like shy and brent just cause of how mother hen brent is with shy. and honestly, theyre just super adorable when theyre together. 8) I'm going to be boring and say I think Liz took a chance on them for the exact reasons she said: she liked their sound and thought they had potential. though probably not shown i imagine once she met them, she saw their chemistry and charisma and thought "perfect." as for what happened between her and Pandora, i really think it might have had to do with the sirens. Either something before like Liz was supposed to help Pandora and Pandora betrayed her. Or it could be after the Conibear incident and Liz told Pandora to step up and doing something. and Pandora was like "lol nope" and Liz was like "how dare" but i do think pandora will be vindictive and use the sirens to irritate liz. and everyone will be sad

9) one of my variety details i think deserves more attention is how great the comic is at throwing in languages to kind of show everyone's ethnicity and add character to them through that. like how wren and shy both swear in different languages. or wren's extremely heavy accent that's really spot on for what it would sound like. i think it really helps bring the world together and emphasize the setting as well. because youd expect a british rock band to have more opportunities for different languages and stuff like that just due to how connected europe kind of is in general. overall though, just an endearing detail to me. 10) I think Shy still has to grow and stop being so, well, shy. Like even the recent incident with Matt kind of shows that hes n ot the best communicator. and i think thats something well see continue to change and hell voice his opinion and communicate his feelings more and more. and i think wren will definitely help with that cause she is more than willing to remind him ppl cant read his mind and he has to say the things for ppl to know the things.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 11. What do you think are this particular comic’s strengths? What do you think makes this comic unique? Please elaborate.

QUESTION 12. As a band, do you feel that Radio Silence will continue to be successful and grow their popularity? Or, do you feel they will crash and burn? What challenges will the band continue to face in regards to either path?

RebelVampire

QUESTION 13. What are you most looking forward to in the comic? Also, do you have any final thoughts to share overall?

QUESTION 14. What do you think is the story with Colbie and his family? Why do you think Colbie’s dad is trying so hard to contact him? How might this affect Colbie’s place in the band?

RebelVampire

11) I think this comic's strength is realism. Like this feels like an actual band that might exist and how theyd actually go about their actual daily lives. Even between the social media stuff, it just has this really endearing authenticity that helps draw you in to the drama and slice-of-life stuff. 12) I think theyll continue to grow, but i kind of feel that its their personal relationships that are gonna be the biggest obstacle to their growth. Cause I mean you have wren is keeps bottling up her past and no way that isnt going to blow up some day. You got Matt keeping secrets. You got Colbie's family issues. And then I kind of even think there might be issues with Brent cause i think theres gonna come a point where Brent has to pick between family and the band or something like that. And all these are gonna bring about drama and test everyone's dedication to staying cause love of music and fans can only take you so far

RebelVampire

13) i am most looking forward to things about wren getting revealed. cause i feel like the time is drawing near where well at least get an answer or two, and im interested to see what sort of depths this adds for her character. 14) I get the impression that Colbie's mom and dad might have divorced maybe and then she died. or maybe no divorce. i just assume divorce cause it sounded like she had money to give colbie which wouldnt work as smoothly if the mom and dad had shared accounts. granted i guess i also assume death too just from how colbie phrases buying gifts and stuff to matt. as for colbie's dad, well, probably typical rich dad. didnt have time for his son, son goes off to do his own thing, dad is like wait a second get back here. as for why hes trying to contact colbie? I mean i could assume the typical get back home here? but then maybe his dad is just angry cause colbie hasnt called him. and like will suggest colbie comes back out of vengence for colbie cutting him out of his life. i dont think itll have much effect tho outside of everyone else finding it a big deal while colbie doesnt really want to talk about it.

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB END!

Thank you everyone so much for reading and chatting about Radio Silence this week! Please also give a special thank you to Vanessa Stefaniuk for volunteering the comic and creating it! If you liked Radio Silence, make sure to continue to support it via some of the links below!

Read and Comment: http://www.radiosilencecomic.com/

Vanessa’s Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/quietsnooze

Vanessa’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/quietsnooze

[changetheways]

depression

In this age especially we experience depression. For those of you  who don’t know what depression really means it’s a state of mind. Depression can hit you at the moment you dont expect the most . It can be caused by  event that happened to you resently ot it can also be cause by nothing. You can be standing in a room full with people ,having fun and it can hit you in this exact moment and you wont figure out where it came from.

  Personally depression hit me when I lost someone. Someone really important. I was at lost of words. It was like a deep hole in my soul and I felt like nothing can full it. It was like facing one of the darkest times and I don’t want to go back to that again. As I am an extrovert I was slowly becoming an introvert. Keeping it inside and not talking to anyone about it only made it worse. My mind couldn’t except  the fact that no one understood me and that made me feel even worse.

It makes you feel alone. We cling to music,to poems,to quotes,to writing ,to art because we desperately do not want to feel alone. Because sometimes they explain the things we cant.

We try to cover the pain with a wide smile,but in reality our own thoughts are destroying us. You feel more empty than a completely blank page.

We are blinded by all those things and don’t see the positiveness. A great person once said ‘’everything will fall apart before something great happens. Just keep the faith’’. And I want to say that after everything is over you will feel stronger than ever. You will see the world through a different window and you will realize you were just looking through the wrong one. Life will make so much sense after that. Everything will be okay at the end,if its not okay its not the end.

Keep your head up and try to make the most of every moment. Try don’t to lose yourself in that feeing of pain, instead lose yourself in the feeling of happiness.

You have achieved so much and what will be the point of it all if you are gonna  give up?

Remember depression is only a state of mind ,don’t let it overcome you, you have to overcome it.

@�ֵ�: