#cause she thought I was mad 😭😭😭😭😭
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
GOSHHH raya i love you so much do u know that 😭😭😭 seriously seriously this review made me light up, i was grinning like a fool the whole time (spoilers below the cut!!)
oh yeah the tags are definitely very intimidating and the 26k came out of NOWHEREEE. i swore it was gonna be 20k or under, but i kept needing to give scenes more depth lol. one of these days ill be able to pen a fic under 20k… that kind of self control has not found me yet tho
(also omg while writing this fic i literally thought abt u, wondering how you’re able to write so many words so fast lol! 50k in two and a half months nearly killed me, but you’ve got 75k since january in ur masterlist, HOWWWW i aspire to be like that lol)
EEEEEK TYSM i wanted to make sure i painted a good enough scene for the intro to explain where the mc’s head has been at. i loved writing about the little things she missed with beomgyu, the friendly things. to hear i’m talented coming from u is such high praise… COME HEREEE 👩❤️💋👩
dialogue is my FAVEEEE part of writing by far!! sometimes i’ll go in and write only dialogue at first so i don’t lose the rhythm of the convo while fluffing up the descriptions surrounding it. the phone call with chaewon and the mc was sooooo fun to write, and it comes so easily which makes it even better lol. i also love writing dialogue for arguments—a personal favorite here was the one between chaewon and beomgyu
the yearninggggg ugh yes when i write something fluffier one day i’ll thrive. i am such a sucker for metaphors about the heart, if this fic hasn’t made that clear yet. writing the mc’s longing almost made me switch gears and make boyfriend!soobin endgame cause i was getting so into it. if beomgyu wasn’t in the way of their relationship, they would’ve been beautiful together 😭
YEAHHH the whole thing with beomgyu not wanting her to hang out with a bunch of men…. he’s so insecure but what’s funny is at this point he’s still containing himself somewhat. if this scene were to have happened after the smut, he would have approached this WAYYY differently lmao instead of whining and complaining he would’ve been snapping at mc and making sure she didn’t go. he had some slow descent to madness in this fic that makes comparisons like these fun. (whew i hope you’ve healed from that relationship. dating an insecure man is not for the weak)
hehehe the scene w soobin tae and kai was so fun to write, i loved their little group talk. but yes that scene right after is just butterflies galore 😵💫😵💫 i’m so glad his words worked on you muahaha, the goal is to get everyone swooning over him
GETTING INTO THE MANIPULATION NOW… aljajhshjsjksjjsja im giggling seeing the real time panic reaction LMAO. “He knows he can’t win her heart yet… so he tries to get to her physically.” EXACTLYYY he’ll pull whatever strings he can, and he knows she’s weakest for him there. that smut scene made me feel so feral writing it, beomgyu had to be put in his fawking PLACE!!! very chipper to get some love on that scene cause it was one of my faves to write !
yeonjun did notttt hold back, if i was the mc id be so scared 😭 but yes exactly it serves as more proof that beomgyu doesn’t respect mc the way he should. my fave thing to hear when i write angst is that i’m crushing hearts and souls… that’s how you know its hitting the way you wanted lmfaoooo. apologies for the tears bae IM SORRY🤞❤️
omfg i just realized how long this is getting. see this is why part 2 jumped up to 26k i can’t control myself 😭
no right like unfortunately id be folding at beomgyu’s manipulation in a heartbeat. like ughhh okay fine 🙄 u can pull my panties to the side and hit it sloppy style 🙄 fineeee whatever.
THE LOST PHONE SCENE YESSS showing how much the manipulation was getting to mc and making her paranoid.
you’re deep and immersed in my writingggg??? *blushing and twirling my hair* can i pull a beomgyu and chant i love you i love you i love you. no reason i just feel like it, promise 😇
ackkkkk the final soobin scene…. so so bittersweet writing that. i will help piece your heart back together i swear 🤞 i think that scene was my favorite in the whole fic. it was one of the first scenes i wrote for part two actually. i don’t write scenes in order at all and sometimes i wonder if that shows LMAO but it’s great for foreshadowing purposes at least
i contemplated long and hard whether i was going to commit to that ending, but anything else would have felt like pandering and not true to how i imagine the story. thank you raya 😭🤍
this review is everything i swear… i’m honored to have you read my fics are u kiddingggg i’m the lucky one here. you’re the sweetest friend i love you so much!
still bouncing off the walls from the adrenaline rush this review gave me. ILY MUAHHHH 😚
cold, cursed city (part 2)
summary: You wish your best friend would just leave your budding relationship alone.
pairings: beomgyu x fem!reader, soobin x fem!reader
word count: 26k
tags: ANGST, smut (MDNI), best friend and roommate!beomgyu, crush!soobin, possessiveness, manipulation, arguments, very bad reckless dumb decisions, codependency, beomgyu gets a bit crazy
smut tags: multiple smut scenes yet again sigh, switch!gyu, switch!reader, handjob, masturbation, fingering, squirting lollll, praise, degradation, pet names (puppy, baby, etc), overstimulation, edging, dacryphilia, mind breaking kinda, utilization of a mirror, some pussy slapping, dubcon!! please beware!
notes: the smut here is so depravedddjshjshdjdjhs 😭 mind the angst in all caps btw… don’t get too mad at me LMAO. this is the final part btw! enjoyyyy<3
Being home feels so awkward now. You feel like you have to avoid Beomgyu, and that’s something you never would have imagined. You wonder if there’s any going back now in your friendship. Will it ever be normal again? It will take some time, you think, but you don’t doubt it. You can’t doubt it. It’s just that you need some time right now.
A part of you is thankful that he leaves you alone. It reprieves you of the constant guilt you were battling with, and you can talk to Soobin without feeling like a liar. Another part of you is terrified that he’s leaving you alone. It’s so unlike him to not be clingy and talkative. You wonder what he’s been going through these past few days.
You don’t even eat dinner together anymore. When you get home from work, you grab something quick to eat and go to your room as soon as you’re finished. The only times you’ve seen Beomgyu since your last conversation is in passing, when you see his figure walk down the hall or pop back into his room.
You really hope he’s okay. You can’t stand to dwell on it too much, obsessing over how he might be dealing with this. Maybe it’s been easy for him. Honestly, he probably needed this too. He must have been going insane the same way you were in his attempts to keep you to himself.
But you do miss him. You miss him when you’re sitting at the table, staring at an empty chair across from you. You miss him when you’re wiping off your makeup, looking for his presence behind you in the mirror. You miss him when you’re laying in bed, watching a movie on your laptop all alone. You miss him a lot.
You’re getting ready for work, staring blankly at yourself in the mirror as you fix your hair. You don’t really have anything to look forward to today. You’re not seeing Soobin after work, Chaewon’s been busy all week, and Beomgyu’s not talking to you. Maybe you’ll invite one of your other friends to hang out later. You hate feeling so lonely.
You grab your purse and head to the kitchen, opening a breakfast bar to eat before you put on your jacket and shoes. You’re about to head out, but a small bright-colored paper on your fridge catches your attention. That wasn’t there last night. You step closer to the fridge and lean in to read the post-it note.
Won’t be back till late tonight. Also eat up the fruits they’re gonna go bad!
Huh, you wonder why he didn’t just text you that. You take the note off the fridge and fold it neatly into your pocket. Your hand is wrapped around it for the whole duration of your walk to work.
When you get back home, you already know what you’ll eat for dinner. You feel a little happier than you have been the past few days as you bite down on the fruits, feeling giddy at the smallest hint of reconnection with Beomgyu. Not talking to him for so long was taking a toll on you.
After you finish cleaning up, you decide to write Beomgyu a note too.
Fruit is all done. Mission accomplished
With a satisfied smile, you stick the post-it on the same spot Beomgyu put his. Maybe a part of you hopes he’ll hang onto it the same way you did with his.
──── ──── ──── ──── ────
Beomgyu normally isn’t awake when you leave for work; today, he is. You stop in your tracks for a second when you see him sitting at the table, resting his head on his arms. You consider stepping into the bathroom to give him time to run off to his room, but decide against it when he looks at you with brightened eyes.
“Good morning,” he says when you finally enter the kitchen. You give him a small smile.
“You’re up early,” you note as you grab something quick for breakfast. You keep your distance, standing at the counter even if you yearn to leap into the seat across from him.
“I wanted to talk to you,” he explains simply.
“About what?” You keep your guard up.
“Anything,” he says. “I just miss talking to you.” Your standoffish demeanor melts, and your eyes soften. You know how he feels.
“Me too.” You finally move into your seat, excited to finally see something besides an empty chair when you eat here. “What have you been up to recently?”
He shrugs. “Playing games. Sitting in my room. Working. What about you?”
“Pretty much nothing,” you answer. While a part of the conversation does feel weird, seeing as you’re trying to reconnect with your literal best friend, it doesn’t feel stiff or awkward. You’re more happy than anything to hear his voice again. It’s been a long few days.
“We need to do more with our lives,” Beomgyu laughs. It feels good to see a smile on his face again.
“No literally, my screen time this week is embarrassing. Netflix has seen me more than you have in the past five days.” You mean it as a lighthearted joke, but Beomgyu only frowns a little at that. He looks away for a few seconds, then back at you with a gleam in his eyes.
“Why don’t we do a movie night tonight then?” he offers. You light up at his suggestion.
“Yes! I’ll pick up some take-out for dinner too.” You clasp your hands in excitement. A semblance of normalcy is coming back to you, and it tastes so sweet.
“I’m so happy,” Beomgyu says, and it shows on his face. You resist the urge to pat his head at how cute he is.
“Me too.” You get up from your chair and throw out your trash. “I’ve gotta head out now,” you announce, looking at the time.
“Okay, have fun at work!” You feel his stare on you as you gather all your things and move towards the door.
“Thanks, I’ll try,” you say before heading out.
Work feels less stressful today. You don’t feel as frustrated at your little mistakes as you have been recently. You talk to your coworkers a little more than usual at lunch, and you even offer to help on an overdue project for the company, feeling more generous than usual.
As you walk back home, take-out bag in hand, you find yourself feeling foolish for ever worrying that you and Beomgyu couldn’t go back to normal. It was so easy to fall back into this, it’s as if it was second nature. As long as Beomgyu knows not to cross the line, this night will prove that you made the right choice. See, you can have both Soobin and Beomgyu in your life.
Your phone buzzes, and you fish it out of your pocket to check the notification. It’s a text from Soobin.
[Soobin] Hey, if you’re not busy do you want to grab dinner?
You pout, hating to have to reject him.
Omg I literally just got food :(
[Soobin] That’s okay!
[Soobin] There’s always tomorrow
Your cheeks hurt from how hard you’re smiling. Today is going so well, you almost can’t believe it. Finally, finally you get a day like this, where the world is kind to you again. Suddenly you find yourself more grateful for all the people you have in your life.
Tomorrow it is then!!
Beomgyu’s already sitting on the couch when you enter your apartment. You quickly take off your shoes and jacket so you can dash to your spot next to him, placing the take-out bag on the table in front of you.
“Hiii,” you greet while pulling a blanket into your lap.
“You’re finally back,” he says, smiling. You get yourself cozy as Beomgyu rips open the take-out bag, pulling out all the food.
“Yeah, I stayed a little longer to help with a few extra things.” You grab the remote to start scrolling through movie options. “What do you feel like watching?”
Beomgyu hums in thought. “Something scary?”
“That’s more for autumn, though,” you say. You start scrolling through some comedy movies instead. Those are always fun to watch with Beomgyu.
“Why’d you ask me what I want to watch then?” he laughs. You hold back your smile and whack his shoulder with the remote. He pouts at you in faux hurt as he places a hand over the impacted spot.
“Same reason you ask me what I want for dinner.” You scroll past a bunch of movies, trying to find one you haven’t seen that actually looks interesting. It’s a difficult task when you and Beomgyu have already watched so many movies together.
“It’s gonna take longer to find a movie than it is to watch one,” Beomgyu complains through a mouthful of food.
“Ew, finish chewing.” You keep your eyes on the screen, but you see him snicker in your peripheral. You finally land on a movie that sounds compelling, turning to Beomgyu to gauge his reaction.
He nods. “This one’s good.” You click on it and turn up the volume, then abandon the remote in favor of grabbing some food.
It feels just like a movie night a month ago would have felt. You fill the air with laughter and banter, and you can’t wipe the smile off your face. The only difference this time is that when you finish eating, you don’t cuddle into Beomgyu’s side. You have to be more mindful of keeping space between you now.
You laugh so hard at one point that you have to pause the movie to catch your breath and wipe your tears. “Oh my god, this was so needed,” you say to Beomgyu, still fighting off the last of your laughter.
“It literally was,” he agrees. “The past few days were legit the worst of my life.”
Your laughter finally dies when you hear that. “The worst? Why?”
Beomgyu laughs a little, but it doesn’t sound genuine. “I was scared that you hated me now.”
You turn your head to Beomgyu, but he doesn’t look back at you. God, did he seriously think that? You would never hate him. A weight falls onto your shoulders, and your heart aches.
“Well, don’t think like that ever again,” you say. He finally looks at you. You channel all your sincerity into your gaze. “Even if I’m mad at you, I still love you. You’re my best friend.”
It takes a second for him to react. He gives you a small smile that looks awfully forced, then looks down at his lap. “I love you too,” he says. You don’t want to ruminate on how weird that felt, so you take the remote to resume the movie.
“Back to watching,” you say, leaning back into the couch.
Once you finish the movie, Beomgyu helps you clean the mess on the table, and the light mood persists. You’re glad that you didn’t ruin your friendship with Beomgyu, cause you only feel this comfortable and at ease with a select few people. When you go to bed, you almost cry thinking about your day. You knew that you were having a hard time, but you didn’t realize how hard it was until you got a slice of your normal life back.
A feeling aside from happiness grows in your chest too, something more reflective: you feel proud of yourself. It was hard setting your boundaries with Beomgyu, but you’re so glad you did. Even this one day serves as evidence that you made the right choice.
You can barely fall asleep because you’re so happy, but you have work tomorrow, so you force your eyes shut and wait impatiently to see what the day brings.
──── ──── ──── ──── ────
“How have you been?” Soobin asks as you seat yourself in front of him. The restaurant he chose is a warm, cozy one, which is a relief. You were worried that he might pick somewhere too fancy, because you had no time to change out of your office attire.
“I’ve actually been pretty good, how about you?” You’ve been looking forward to talking to Soobin again. Ever since he asked you to be his girlfriend, you’ve been itching to feel ready for the label. You won’t force it upon yourself, but you know you’ll be there soon. You’re once again reminded of how lucky you are that Soobin’s willing to wait for you.
“I’m good too,” he answers. You love his smile, you hope he never stops giving it to you. The two of you catch up a bit on life, talking about work and friends. He seems to have been busy this week.
The food at the restaurant is great, but that’s no surprise because Soobin always knows the best places in the city. The night passes quickly, and you find yourself walking back home all too soon. He accompanies you when you ask him to walk you to your apartment. You blamed it on how late it is, but it’s actually because you want more time with him.
“Are you free on Saturday?” Soobin asks, looking at you with hopeful eyes.
“For you, yes. What do you have in mind?” You want to hold his hand so bad, but you don’t know if you’re at that stage yet. You crave the weight of his hand in your own, swinging between the two of you. You want to lean into his side and engulf yourself in the brewing romance.
“I was wondering if you’d like to meet my friends? I’ve been talking about you a lot, and I know I promised you I’d introduce them.”
You light up at that, making sure to look up at him so he sees your grin. “That would be so fun.”
You’re thrilled at the idea that he talks about you with his friends a lot. Whew. Good thing you’re already outside, cause you need the fresh air. He’s everything you could ask for in a man.
“We’d be meeting at my place if that’s okay,” he says, sounding a little shy as he brings it up. You can’t hold yourself back now—you grab his hand and squeeze it excitedly.
“Of course! I’m dying to see your home. And your friends.” You can imagine the nerdy little decorations he might have lying around his place. You’d let him ramble about each and every little trinket for hours on end if he wanted to.
You’ve arrived at your street all too soon, finding yourself wanting to slow your steps to get a little more time with Soobin. “Thank you for taking me out today,” you say as you see your apartment come into view. You stop walking so that you can fully turn your body toward him. You just want one last good look before you’re off.
“Thanks for giving me the time,” he responds. His warm, sincere words always find the right way to strike your heart.
“I’ll see you Saturday, then.” You send him a parting smile, backing up a couple steps. “Good night, Soobin.”
“Good night.”
As you walk away, you have a revelation. Your body aches to run back to him, you feel like you’re missing something and you can’t quite end the night yet. There’s something that leaves you feeling only half fulfilled. There’s something more you crave.
You wanted to kiss Soobin. Your wish is left ungranted, lips tingling with the feeling of what could have been.
Your feet pause for just a second when the realization hits you again. You wanted to kiss Soobin. You wanted to feel his arms around you, wrapped in a hug that meant more than just a hug. You wanted to hold his face in your hands, feel the warmth of his skin beneath your palms. You wanted to kiss him.
Oh, your poor heart. Where do you store all this longing?
──── ──── ──── ──── ────
Saturday comes faster than you anticipate. You change into outfit after outfit, trying to find the perfect thing to wear. You don’t want to over dress, but you don’t want to look like you don’t care at all either. What do you even wear to a get together for a friend group you don’t know?
You settle on a cute dress that you bought while shopping with Chaewon some time ago. It’s modest enough to wear casually, but pretty enough to make you feel confident in it. You’ll have to wear tights to save your legs from the cold, but that’s okay. You move to your vanity so you can do your hair, looking at yourself in every angle in the mirror.
“Where are you headed?” The sudden voice startles you, and you turn around to see Beomgyu standing by your door. You didn’t even notice him enter your room. You wonder how long he’s been there.
You look back in the mirror, fixing your hair. “Just meeting some people,” you answer. Beomgyu steps closer to you, only stopping once there’s just a few inches separating you. You look at him through the mirror. His eyes trail down your body.
“Well, you look pretty.” He fixes the strap of your dress on your shoulder.
Your face heats up, and you forget what you were about to do. “Thank you.”
His hand trails down your arm and stops at your elbow, rubbing your skin. “Won’t you be cold?”
“I have a jacket. Plus, I’ll be indoors,” you answer.
He hums and nods. “Are you coming back tonight?”
“I think so. If not, then I’ll be at Soobin’s place.”
For the first time, Beomgyu has the decency to not make a face when you bring up Soobin. Instead, he looks away and lets out a heavy exhale. Well, improvement is improvement. You’ll take it.
“Who else will be there?” he asks.
“Some of his friends.” You see him tense a bit at your side from the information. A slight unease fills you, but you don’t let it consume your mood. Tonight will be fun. You can’t let anything ruin it already.
“Are they all guys?”
You pause for a second in thought. “I’m not sure.”
He looks down and shakes his head in disbelief. “So you’re going to his place with a bunch of random guys?”
You pucker your lips and look down, feeling like you’re getting scolded. Was this a bad decision? Maybe you should have done this at a public place. Beomgyu’s words worry you. Soobin’s not that kind of guy, though, and you’re sure his friends are just as great as he is. He’s thoughtful and always concerned about your feelings. You shouldn’t be nervous.
“I trust him,” you say, making Beomgyu scoff. “Gyu, please.”
“I’m sorry. I’m just… worried.” He meets your eyes in the mirror. He really does look worried. You realize that maybe it’s not selfishness driving his words this time, not the need to keep you to himself, but the need to make sure you’re safe. Your heart softens at that.
“I’ll be okay,” you promise, giving him a small smile. “I’ll call you if anything goes wrong.” He nods and stays quiet for a second.
“Where does he live?” Beomgyu asks. You freeze at his question, but he’s quick to explain, “So I know where to go if something happens.”
He means well, you’re sure, but you’re still wary about giving him Soobin’s address. Of course you understand his concern, but another part of you wonders what he’ll do with it if nothing happens. He doesn’t exactly have a great streak with Soobin.
Is this you being paranoid? You feel like you have a legitimate reason to be cautious, but you also feel bad for thinking about your best friend like he’s some freak that’ll show up to Soobin’s house for no reason.
“I’ll just share my location if it comes to that.” You hope he doesn’t feel offended.
“Let me walk you to his place at least,” Beomgyu pleads. You sigh, trying not to look at him and focusing on your appearance instead.
“Don’t be so worried. I’ll be back by ten. Does that make you happier?”
He doesn’t hide his smile. “You know it does. You should watch me play League when you get back.”
You roll your eyes. “Watch you get it on with your one true love?”
“Weirdo. I love more things than just League.”
“Like Overwatch?” That earns you a smack to the back of your head. “Hey! Careful with my hair!”
You catch a glimpse of the time when your phone lights up, and you realize you’ve been taking too long to get ready. Why does time only fly in the most inconvenient moments? You take one final glance at yourself, ignoring Beomgyu’s frame in the mirror beside you.
“You sure you don’t need me to walk you there?” Beomgyu asks. You turn to him with a smile, and it takes a surprising amount of effort to not go up and loop your hands around his neck. You can’t help but feel endeared by his cuteness. You stay quiet for a few seconds just to look into his eyes.
“I’m sure,” you finally answer. “I’ll see you in a few hours.” Beomgyu sits on your bed, and you wonder if that’s where he plans on staying while you’re out.
“Be safe,” he says as you’re heading out of your room.
You look over your shoulder with a grin. “No promises!” The flash of fear on his face makes you laugh. “I’m just kidding!”
──── ──── ──── ──── ────
You gather your breath as you stand before Soobin’s door, not wanting to knock until you’ve fully collected yourself. Your heart races in anticipation—well, also because you walked twice as fast as usual to get here, but mostly anticipation. Soobin seemed to get along with your friends, so you can assume that his friends should get along just fine with you too.
Finally, you tap your knuckles against the door, swaying on your feet as you wait for Soobin to emerge. It’s cold outside, the kind of cold where your breath fogs up with even the tiniest exhale, so you hope he’s quick to answer your knock.
You give Soobin a hug as soon as he opens the door. Part of it is to feed off some of his warmth, but most of it is because you’re excited to see him. His arms wrap around you to hold you close to him, and he doesn’t let go until you do.
“Are your friends here yet?” you ask when you pull away.
“Yes, they’re in the living room,” he answers. “Did you want a drink or anything?”
You shake your head. You’re too impatient to see his friends, wondering what kind of people he hangs out with. You follow him into the living room, and your eyes immediately fall on the two boys on the couch. It makes sense that his friend group is on the smaller side. They must be very close.
You wave and introduce yourself to his friends cheerfully. They do the same, and you learn that his friends are named Taehyun and Kai. Kai seems just as shy and endearingly awkward as Soobin, but Taehyun is pretty quick to open up to you. You find yourself talking to him a lot. You’re glad that you’re not the only chatty person here.
“So how’d you guys meet?” you eventually ask them, interested in how their friend group formed. The question makes Kai and Soobin laugh.
“I was friends with both of them before they knew each other,” Taehyun starts, leaning forward as he tells the story. “I had this match I wanted them to watch”—
“Match?” you interrupt, tilting your head.
“Yeah, I was really into boxing at the time.”
Your eyebrows shoot up at the information. That explains his muscular physique. You can’t imagine Soobin watching a boxing match, though. “Oh, boxing, wow.”
“Obviously I won the match, but that’s beside the point.”
“You did not win,” Soobin chimes in with an incredulous laugh.
“Yes I did! I literally won by knockout!” Taehyun defends.
“I still feel like the other guy got way more hits in than you,” Soobin says.
“I think you’re just still mad from what happened that night.” That piques your interest.
“Why? What happened?” you ask.
“He’s gonna tell it way more dramatically than it was,” Soobin warns.
“That’s probably true,” Kai chimes in.
“I’ll say exactly what happened,” Taehyun starts. “After my match, I went to Soobin and Kai, and we all got to talking. Eventually, I brought them to the practice rooms so I could show them some basic MMA moves.”
“After basically forcing us to!” Soobin exclaims. “I tried to say no!”
Taehyun starts laughing already, seemingly caught up in the memory. It puts a smile on your face as you wait for him to finish the story. “These guys start swinging with the weakest moves I’ve seen in my life,” he says through his laughter. “And I was trying to motivate them, but when I pushed the sandbag so it would swing toward Soobin, it hit him so hard it knocked him over.”
You cover your mouth with your hands, concealing your amusement and looking towards Soobin to gauge his reaction to the story. He wears a sheepish smile and leans his head down, rubbing his arm to ease his embarrassment. Taehyun’s still laughing his ass off when you look back at him.
Kai stands to Soobin’s defense, “He didn’t really get knocked over, he just stumbled back.”
“He did more than stumble back,” Taehyun says. “He had his arms swinging in circles to save himself and everything.” That image gets a chuckle out of you.
“So upon my first impression of Soobin, I could tell he was on the unathletic side. I kind of am too, though,” Kai says.
“Don’t worry, Soobin. I don’t think I’d fare any better in the MMA world,” you say.
“We can be the world class losers of boxing instead,” he jokes.
The night lives on with lots of laughter and snacks. You start playing card games at one point, to which they have to extensively explain the rules first, and you end up having more fun than you expected to have. Turns out you’re not too shabby of a Spades player.
Taehyun and Kai head out after a couple hours, saying goodbye to you and telling you that they hope to see you again soon. You actually enjoyed yourself a lot today, so you wouldn’t mind seeing them again either.
Once Soobin’s friends are out the door, it leaves just the two of you in his living room. You see Soobin yawning and stretching out in his chair. “Are you tired?” you ask. His sleepy nod makes you laugh a little.
“You can sleep on my bed if you want. I’ll take the couch,” Soobin offers. What a sweetheart. You must be smiling so stupidly, but you can’t help it. Your heart is a fickle thing.
“Thank you, but I promised Beomgyu I’d come back home tonight,” you say.
Soobin looks out the window. “It’s so dark out, though. And it’s freezing, your jacket won’t be enough. Your legs will be ice.”
“It’s okay, I’m good at handling the cold.” You aren’t really, but you don’t want him to worry. He frowns, looking down at your outfit.
“You didn’t have to dress up for me. I think you look pretty in everything. I’d love for you to dress warmly next time.” There’s a distinct hammering in your chest now. His compliment makes you weak in the knees.
He grabs your coat and delivers it to you. You thank him as you put it on, zipping it all the way up to prepare for the cold. You smile up at him in hopes that it eases his worries.
“Let me grab you a winter hat,” Soobin says, disappearing for a minute. He emerges once more with a beanie in hand, placing it on your head for you. “There. To keep your ears warm.”
“Thank you,” you say, looking down at yourself shyly. You’re not the type to get all flustered and quiet, but something about Soobin brings it out of you.
“Thanks for seeing me, and for meeting my friends.” You meet his eyes again when he says that.
“Of course. Today was fun,” you say. You stare at each other for a few long seconds as you linger by his door. You don’t really want to leave.
Soobin is every bit as handsome as ever, and suddenly it’s killing you that you’re not all over him. You want to grab his shoulders and pull him close, let your souls intertwine for just a few moments. You want to feel his breath on your face, you want his eyes on your lips and a yearning to stir inside him.
Your heart jumps, every thought in your head is filled with something about kissing Soobin. You’re so easily reduced to instincts when your mind is clouded like this. Your face is pulled by some unknown force closer and closer toward his face. Your eyelids flutter, and you tilt your head just slightly.
All to meet nothing.
“Not yet…” Soobin says, slowly retracting his face. You watch him back away from you, and the inches start to feel like miles. A sense of humiliation washes over you. Your face heats up. Why did you do that?
“I’m sorry,” you whisper, looking up at him apologetically. At least he doesn’t seem mad or upset—that would kill you.
He shakes his head and smiles. “Don’t be.” He presses his lips to your forehead. You reach for his hand, holding it so that you know he won’t try to leave. He accepts your touch easily, lacing your fingers together and staring into your eyes. There’s a warmth in there that makes you want to lean in and try to kiss him again, but your humility saves you from that.
“Can I ask, when will you be ready?” Your voice is meek, and a part of you almost fears his answer.
“Whenever you’re ready to call me your boyfriend,” he answers softly, simply. You nod, considering his words. Your gaze must be distant because you’re so deep in your thoughts, wondering if maybe you are ready now.
Does your heart stop at the idea of calling him yours because it entices you, or because it scares you? You don’t want to waste Soobin’s time standing here to contemplate it; you know you’re going to need more than a couple minutes to figure this out. No matter how much you want to, you can’t act on impulse with him—you want to foster a love that’s true and natural.
“I think I’ll have that answer soon,” you say.
“Don’t worry about it. You could take a year if you need.” His words are so effortless, and he really means it, which pushes your heart further towards a path alongside him.
“I’ll see you soon,” you say, blinking up at him sweetly with a small smile.
He squeezes your hands. “Soon can’t come soon enough.”
You giggle, then stand on your tippy toes to kiss his cheek. “As a goodbye present.” His blushing cheeks at your action serve as a goodbye present for you.
──── ──── ──── ──── ────
Something changed last night. Your mind can’t stray from Soobin for too long, wondering when you’ll see him next, what he’s doing right now, how his day has been. You feel a yearning unlike any kind you’ve felt before. Your girlish heart has become something weak, so prone to go haywire at the slightest thought of him.
More than anything else, you think of calling him yours. You think of how you’d be able to spend the night at his place, cuddling up to him and falling asleep in his arms. You think of how you could stare into his eyes and call him your boyfriend. You could lean in and kiss him whenever you wanted, you could let him call you sweet pet names.
You think you might be ready. You want to be Soobin’s girlfriend.
You’re freaking out, body buzzing as you pace around your room, waiting for Chaewon to pick up the phone.
“Heyyyyy,” her voice greets through the phone, and you finally stop pacing to focus on talking.
“I got huge Soobin news,” you say, getting straight to the point.
“Tell me!!!” she screeches.
“I think I’m gonna ask him to be my boyfriend next time I see him.” That earns you an even higher pitched screech.
“Shut the fuck up, I’m so excited! Oh my god. What happened?”
“I literally just can’t stop thinking about being in a relationship with him. It feels like I’m going through withdrawals whenever I’m not with him. He’s been wanting to put a label on us, but I’ve been pushing it off till now,” you explain.
“I’m so invested in this. You would be the cutest couple ever. I will gladly be your third wheel and take all your cute Instagram photos for you,” she rambles.
“So you think it’s a good idea?” Her approval is important to you, and you’re desperate for her to give you a little more confidence in this.
“Yes, do it. As long as you make me your maid of honor.”
You laugh, so relieved that Chaewon supports you in this. You hope Beomgyu takes it just as well, but of course that’s wishful thinking.
“What’s the right way to ask him? Should I be casual or go all out with some extravagant date night?” you ask.
“Come on, it’s you we’re talking about. Obviously you’re gonna go crazy with it.” You laugh because she’s totally right.
“I’m thinking a hotel by the sea and a rose petal path to the bed. And candles, like so many it’s a fire hazard.”
“Yes, and then those eat me panties,” she adds. You burst out laughing at the idea. “Body oil too probably.”
“Oh, you got the whole vision. You want me to record it for you too?” you tease.
“No need, I’ll be hiding in your suite’s closet.”
“Thrilling. I finally get to help you live out your voyeuristic dreams.”
“Right? It’s a win-win,” she says. “But anyway, how do you think Beomgyu’s gonna react?”
You hum in thought. “I don’t know, but we’ve pretty much gone back to normal over the past few days. He didn’t put up a huge fight when I went to Soobin’s last night.”
“Girl, hold up. You went to Soobin’s place?!”
“Yep.”
She’s quiet for a second. “Did he rock your world?” You smile and roll your eyes.
“We didn’t have sex, I just met his friends. They were very nice, by the way.”
She tsks. “I’m so mad, you missed out on such a perfect opportunity to sex him up.”
“Well, I’ll let you know when that happens.”
“Please do.”
“Anyway,” you say, getting back on track. “I’ll tell Beomgyu when he gets back from work. I don’t think I’ll be able to handle it if he gets all annoying about it. It’s actually pissing me off just imagining it.”
“Doesn’t matter, it’s not his life. You don’t even have to tell him,” Chaewon reasons.
“I mean, he’s my best friend, he should know. You and him are the two people I talk to about everything.”
“Yeah, but at this point you should be more focused on protecting your peace. What Beomgyu doesn’t know won’t hurt him.”
You know that Beomgyu would find out eventually, though, and then he’d be even more mad at you for not saying something sooner. Any peace you’d have would be very temporary and delicate.
Chaewon starts up again, “I honestly think you should tell him after you make things official. That way he can’t stop you from doing it.”
You hold back a groan, not wanting to weigh out the options. “He’ll be so upset if I don’t tell him first,” you say.
“Still. He knows he can make you halt those plans, and I don’t want you getting hurt again.” You frown, but it softens you to hear how much Chaewon cares about your feelings.
“I’ve got a few hours until he comes back to decide,” you say.
“Just know that I’m one hundred percent team ‘don’t tell him’. Up to you, though.”
“I’ll let you know. Anyway, I’m gonna go now. Going to rehearse this conversation in my head.” Chaewon laughs and says her goodbye, then you hang up.
You drop onto your bed with a sigh. You hope Beomgyu can keep being normal about Soobin, and a part of you really thinks he can, but what if he hates you after this? He might decide he doesn’t want anything to do with you if you’re going to be in a relationship with a guy that he hates. (Hates for no reason, but that’s not something you choose to dwell on today.)
Beomgyu should understand why you want a love life. You crave a second half, someone who will mold you into a better person and navigate the rest of your life with you. Soobin can soften your rough edges. He’s got all the patience and goodness of heart that you need in someone. You want to know that a kind of love exists that you have not yet felt, something deeper and more colorful than anything you know. You want Soobin’s eyes to melt you each time you look into them, each time you think of them. Your heart has grown tired of just being a beating thing; it needs to be lit aflame, to burn for someone, to love so hard it doesn’t fear ruin.
Do you need Beomgyu’s permission for that? Is it as if he’s some guard to your heart? No, but the threat of conflict from his disapproval unnerves you. You try thinking of the best way to break the news to him.
Some long-winded explanation where you pour out your heart would probably irritate him most. You’ll have to keep yourself from going off on tangents—the more you say, the more ammunition he has against you. It’s not like you have to defend your decision to him.
If you’re too broad or dismissive about it, he’ll assume you don’t care or you’re hiding something. His accusations peeve you like nothing else, so the more you can avoid that, the better.
Realistically, his reaction doesn’t depend on your wording, for the most part. It depends on how mature he is about you getting a boyfriend. If he can’t handle the idea, then it won’t matter how you break the news, he’ll freak out no matter what. If he can accept that you can have other men in your life, then he won’t give you a hard time about this.
All you can do is hope for the better outcome. You pray that Beomgyu has learned his lesson in maturity by now.
──── ──── ──── ──── ────
When you hear Beomgyu open the door, you rush down the hall to him. You’ve spent all day considering how to have the conversation about Soobin, and you’re excited to just get it over with now. The sooner this weight falls off your shoulders, the better.
“Hiii,” you greet as you watch him take off his coat and shoes.
“Hi. You hungry?” he asks. You shake your head.
“I had lunch an hour ago.” You notice he ordered food somewhere, which he just stuffs in the fridge.
“Do you wanna hang out with me and Yeonjun tomorrow night?” he asks. “We’re gonna watch some band perform at the common.”
“Depends how I feel after work.”
“Alright. You should definitely come though.” You don’t know how to respond to that, so you just don’t. You’ve got a different conversation on your mind anyway.
After a few seconds, Beomgyu starts walking off, but you call his name to stop him before he gets too far. He looks at you expectantly, raising his eyebrows.
“I wanted to talk about something,” you say. He remains still for a second, then carefully takes a few steps closer to you.
“Bad thing or good thing?” he asks.
You hesitate for a second. “Good thing.” You’re feeling nervous again, even though you know you shouldn’t be. Beomgyu’s been fine. He’ll survive if you tell him this.
“You don’t look like it’s a good thing,” he says. He must have caught on to your anxiety. Your fidgeting hands probably gave it away. You hold them behind your back so you stop fiddling with them. You breathe in as deeply as you can without making it too obvious that you’re calming your nerves.
“I just wanted to tell you that I’m going to ask Soobin to be my boyfriend.”
You wait for a reaction. He blinks. Is that a good sign? He’s still breathing, too. Okay, so the news didn’t kill him at least.
“You’re asking him to be your boyfriend?” he repeats, as if he didn’t hear you right the first time.
Fuck, why is your heart pounding so hard? “Yes.”
He sighs and averts his gaze, looking around for a few awkward seconds. You tighten your lips, not really knowing what to do now.
“Your boyfriend?” he asks again.
You give him a curt nod. “Yep.”
You see it flash in his eyes then, something that brings you back to all those times he made your life so difficult. He doesn’t even need to say anything for you to start feeling disappointed, that expression was more than enough.
“I tried backing off, but I just can’t do it anymore. You can’t do this,” he insists. Your head is going to explode. Not this again. Things were going so well.
“Stop. I don’t want to hear it,” you say, but you know he won’t listen.
“I can’t stand it. I hate thinking about how much you like him, how you kiss him, how he’s doing everything I could be doing,” he rambles.
“I’m not hearing this,” you dismiss as you start walking down the hall to your room. You feel Beomgyu’s presence loom behind you. He sure is determined. “Knock it off, Gyu.”
He pushes the door open when you try to close it, stepping in and facing your hard stare. Unsurprisingly, he doesn’t back off. You feel inclined to be stubborn and stand your ground too.
“You want me to change? You want me to be more like him?” he asks. There’s something unhinged in his expression. It’s like he’s losing his grip on his sanity. Fear creeps up your spine, but it doesn’t overshadow your frustration.
“No, I like you the way you are,” you answer.
“No you don’t. If you did, you wouldn’t need Soobin.” He sounds angry, you must have really bothered him this time. That’s okay. You’ll take this over his pity parties. It’s easier to fight fire with fire.
“I don’t need Soobin, I just like him,” you say.
“Then what’s wrong with me?” he counters. He’s really worked up this time, frustration radiating off of him.
“Nothing! You need to stop with this!” you exclaim. You’ve never had an argument like this with him, fueled by rage and nothing else. There’s no undertones of sadness or attempts to remain calm this time.
“Just tell me you hate me,” he says, stepping closer to you, invading your space. You meet his gaze, unwavering, even if you have to tilt your head up to challenge his stare.
“I don’t fucking hate you.” You cross your arms, not letting your guard down.
“Then prove it,” he says. You wonder if your eyes hold as much fire as his do right now. You refuse to back down. You refuse to lose this. He wants you to prove you don’t hate him? Fine.
You don’t let yourself think about it as you crash your lips onto his. You hold his head still, but it’s not like he was going to run away. He meets your lips with equal amounts passion and frustration. The kiss is nothing friendly or nice—it’s not soft and slow, not sweet, not the dreamlike kiss you’ve been waiting to have with Soobin. This feels less like a kiss and more like war.
You don’t hold yourself back, sucking and biting at his lips carelessly. Your fingers are pulling so hard at his hair that you know it has to hurt, but you don’t care. You hope it does. His hand is on your jaw, keeping you in place so he can lick into your mouth as he pleases.
You hope he tastes your anger on your lips. You hope your tongue feels bitter in his mouth, that it leaves burns in its wake. You hope this kiss will haunt him at night, that he’ll feel you lingering hours later, that he sees your face on his ceiling when he’s trying to fall asleep.
He can never settle for friendship. The simple life could have been so good if he accepted it. You were stupid to think he’d let things go back to normal and stay that way. You hate feeling so dumb. You hate being so easy.
“Is that what you fucking wanted?” you ask as you pull away from the kiss. You wipe your mouth to clear the saliva that collected there. He doesn’t answer, only pulling you in for another kiss, unforgiving and angry. Your teeth clash and he shoves his tongue into your mouth. He tangles his hands into your hair, pushing you deeper into the kiss.
You’ve never felt so angry at him in your life. You try to channel it all into the kiss, using more force than necessary. He should pay for doing this, for getting under your skin yet again.
He growls into your mouth—you guess he’s still angry too. Why should he be? You’re making out with him and no one else. If he wants to complain about that, then he must really be losing his mind.
You walk him backwards until he sits back on your bed, disconnecting your mouths so you can look down at him. His lips are swollen and coated with saliva. He’s hungry—starving—and can’t stand not touching you for even a second, so he grabs your hips and pulls you onto the bed with him.
There goes those walls you built up. There goes those weeks of putting in effort towards you and Soobin. You lose, again. Is this how it will always be with him? Was he playing the long game all along?
He knows you better than anyone. If anyone could figure out a way to set your life off course, it would be Beomgyu.
You have to get even with him. You have to stop taking everything lying down. You stare at him, who looks up at you like he’s waiting for your next move. Fucking prick. You’ll show him.
You shove his pants past his hips and pull his cock out to find him already fully hard. You’re not surprised. Precum oozes from his slit, leaking out on his tip. When you look up to see his face, he’s biting his lip in anticipation.
“Always need to have your fucking way, huh,” you say, squeezing the base of his cock. He throws his head back and moans, thrusting up into your fist. You let go of his dick to push his hips down with angry force. “Don’t you dare move.”
You spit into your hand and jerk his cock quickly, with little care as to how rough you are with him. You squeeze his length like you’re milking him, like you’re trying to get him to burst. If you can embarrass him and have him spilling all over himself in such a short amount of time, you’d feel on top of the world.
He’s thick and hot in your hand, but you don’t let it cloud your mind. You need to put him in his place. He doesn’t deserve a spot in the lustful crevices of your mind right now. This is about balancing the scale.
You keep your stare hard even as he cries and whimpers. You don’t let him see any reaction out of you, because the last thing you want is for him to take control of the situation again. At least like this, you feel like you’re not totally weak for him.
His hips jolt up and he gasps at your ministrations. He grabs onto your wrist, trying to pry you off.
“Behave,” your order, no room for compromise in your voice.
“Baby! Baby, stop, I’m gonna”—his sentence is cut off by a drawn-out moan. It’s like his body can’t decide whether to run away from your hand or rut into it.
“Fucking do it then,” you say through gritted teeth, fucking your fist over him faster. You spit onto his cock to lubricate it even more.
“No, not yet,” he pleads, breathing heavily. It’s cute watching him try to escape the feeling, but you won’t let him. You use your other hand to fondle his balls, and once you do that, he’s a goner. He’s spilling his seed onto your hand with his head thrown back and a loud cry. His hips stutter up into your fist, and his cock twitches in your hand. You feel a bit of a power high from that.
You slow down for only a few seconds before you’re pumping him wildly again. He looks at you with wide, helpless eyes. His body’s jolting with the shocks of overstimulation, and you can’t help but let out a laugh at that.
Beomgyu whimpers your name pathetically. His arms are shaking as they cling onto yours. You don’t relent, merciless as you try to coax another orgasm from him.
“It’s too much!” he cries, and you can even hear the shake in his voice.
“Take what I give you or I’ll leave,” you spit. “Do you want me to leave?”
“No! I can take it.” He pries his arms off you and keeps them at his sides, deciding he wants to be good and listen all of a sudden.
“That’s what I thought.” You twist your hand as it goes down on his length, squeezing harder. Your thumb swipes over his slit when it reaches the head of his cock. “Cum for me, dirty little puppy. Show me how filthy you are.”
As you command it, his orgasm crashes over him immediately. You watch in awe. It’s like he’s trained to follow your words. His hot cum lands on your hand yet again, and you continue jerking him until his high is over. You have to stop yourself from making him cum a third time, too addicted to his little sounds of pleasure.
“Thank you,” Beomgyu says breathlessly. You run your fingers through his hair with your clean hand.
“Looks like the dirty pup is good for something,” you coo condescendingly.
“I am good, let me show you. Sit on my face.” Before you can even respond, he’s already lying down and sticking his tongue out. You furrow your brows at his eagerness and decide to put his mouth to use a different way. Your cum-coated hand meets his tongue, and you let him lave at his mess all over you.
“Hm, guess your tongue is pretty good,” you say mindlessly as you watch him lick all his cum off you. When he finishes cleaning your hand, he sucks two of your fingers past his lips. You smirk and slowly fuck them in and out of his desperate mouth. He swirls his tongue around your digits, then licks up between them. He circles the tip of his tongue on the skin between your two fingers as if it was your clit. You wish it didn’t make your pussy throb.
You pull your fingers out of his mouth and spread them apart, admiring the strand of saliva that forms. You take off your bottoms and panties, and Beomgyu damn near starts panting in excitement.
“Yes, come sit on my face, let me taste your cunt,” he babbles, stars in his eyes. His excitement dies when your saliva-slickened fingers meet your core instead. You make sure he has a great view as you play with your pussy.
“You got me so nice and wet, thank you puppy.” Your voice is sweet, even if your motive is to torture him. You exaggerate your reactions to your touch, moaning extra loud when you circle your clit. Your other hand disappears under your shirt to play with your nipples. You bite your lip as you push your hips up into your hand.
Beomgyu sits up and watches you with a slackened jaw. He starts leaning in between your legs, and you push him away with a foot to his chest.
“Uh-uh, you can’t touch,” you tell him.
“But look! My fingers are longer and thicker than yours,” he says, holding out his hand. You roll your hips up into your hand, remembering the way his fingers felt inside you. You slip two fingers into your cunt to make up for the sudden emptiness you feel.
You fuck yourself with vigor, pistoning your fingers into you, putting on a good show for your best friend. You want him to think you’re not some weak girl who folds for his touch every time. Even though your body yearns for Beomgyu to take care of you, you have to make a point to him.
You get so lost in the feeling of your own fingers that you stop looking at Beomgyu, focusing entirely on the pleasure taking over. That was clearly a mistake, because suddenly you feel two of his fingers entering your pussy alongside your own. You cry out at the sensation, body shaking at the stretch.
It’s hard to move your hand now, but Beomgyu seems to find a way perfectly fine. “B-bad boy,” you scold, but your voice is so shaky that it holds no real bite. When he aims his fingers up, it forces your own to sit snug against your g-spot, resting there as Beomgyu jackhammers into you.
“See? Feels good,” he says. With his other hand, he rubs at your clit viciously, needing to please you more than you can please yourself. “This is so much better, right?”
Your body is buzzing, and you can’t even respond to him. Your mouth hangs open stupidly as he pulls moan after moan from you. A foreign pressure starts building inside of you, more intense than anything you’ve felt before. Your eyes widen and you try to pull your hips away, but Beomgyu’s determined.
“P-puppy, it feels different,” you manage to stutter out. His breath hitches and he connects his mouth to your inner thigh to kiss it. He doesn’t stop his ministrations—if anything, your words encourage him to go even harder.
“You’re gonna squirt for me?” he says with astonishment, and you feel his grin growing against your thigh. It’s blinding, the way the pleasure is consuming you. His hands are wild, working at you without mercy to bring you over the edge. It’s like he needs this more than you.
“I’m—nngh, oh god,” you stammer, body twitching away, but Beomgyu’s so desperate to see you fall apart that he doesn’t let you stray from the feeling for even a second. The pressure snaps and you cry out, legs kicking out as you release all over him. You feel your juices squirting out of you, and if you were in your right mind, you would’ve been embarrassed at how much seems to leak out.
Beomgyu loves it, lapping up what spills onto his wrist and your thighs. You’re shaking uncontrollably, immediately pulling your hand from your center once Beomgyu draws back. You focus more on gathering your breath after that orgasm than on Beomgyu’s tongue licking every inch of your thighs.
You flinch when his tongue finds your pussy, too sensitive to take anymore. You push his head away and sit up, snapping your legs shut. He pouts, but sits up as well.
“Was that good?” he asks, biting down a smile. He leans in like he really wants to know your answer.
You press your palms into your eyes like you’re relieving a headache. Rationality comes back to you, but there’s no point in yelling at him now. You’re the one who shoved your hand down his pants.
“You really don’t want me dating Soobin, huh?” You feel more exhausted than angry now.
“I’ll do so much worse if you make him your boyfriend,” he says.
You blink at him. Is that some kind of threat? “What do you mean?”
“Just don’t be with him and you won’t have to find out.” You don’t have it in you to fight him. If it was this easy for you to fall back on your word and get intimate with Beomgyu again, you might as well hold off on the boyfriend label anyway. Maybe you weren’t as ready as you thought you were.
“You can leave my room now,” you say, leaning your head against your pillow. You’ll probably spend the next hour contemplating everything you’ve been through in the past month. He doesn’t need to be there for that.
“Nah.” He lays down beside you. You inhale slowly, gathering the control to not push him off the mattress.
“Whatever.” You’ll just have your mini crisis with him next to you. It doesn’t even matter.
──── ──── ──── ──── ────
To your surprise, you don’t feel completely miserable the next day. Of course, you go throughout the day feeling awful about ruining your chance to be with Soobin any time soon and angry at yourself for touching Beomgyu again, but besides that you’re feeling normal.
You wish your work day would have lasted a little longer—something you never thought you’d hope for—because when you get home and see Beomgyu on the couch, you’re already feeling annoyed. You were doing so good before yesterday. Seeing him is just a reminder of how much you screwed up.
He seems as giddy as he could ever be when you approach him on the couch. You grab a blanket and curl yourself into his side wordlessly, just wanting his warmth. He accepts it gratefully, throwing an arm over you and getting you comfortable.
You can’t even really feel upset. You’re familiar with this cycle already: Beomgyu will bitch about Soobin to you, you’ll get each other off, you’ll argue some more, then you’ll hang out like nothing happened. You put yourself back in this situation, so you spare yourself the pity.
“I’m so glad we’re back to this. It was killing me to not hold you all those days,” Beomgyu says before pressing a kiss against the crown of your head. “I don’t want you to be upset anymore.”
“I’m not upset,” you say flatly.
“I want you to be happy. I’m really happy now.” You only hum in acknowledgement. You don’t really have anything to say to that.
Some time passes in which you and Beomgyu watch television, except you’re mostly going on your phone and Beomgyu’s halfway to falling asleep. You get a notification from Soobin, making you freeze for a moment.
[Soobin] We should meet up tonight if you’re available :)
Beomgyu reads the text over your shoulder. “You better not say yes.” You flinch and back away from him, clutching your phone to your chest.
“Why not?” you ask.
“Cause you said you’d go with me and Yeonjun to the concert!” he whines.
“I didn’t say I was gonna go with you and Yeonjun,” you counter. The entitlement is crazy.
“I asked you first though. If you feel fine enough to hang out with Soobin, why can’t you hang out with me?” he asks.
“What have we been doing for the past hour?”
“That doesn’t count! We live with each other, we have to hang out at home.”
“Wow, ungrateful. You should thank the universe for each second you get to spend with me, home or not.”
“I do. I can show you how grateful I am too, if you want.” You roll your eyes at his suggestion.
“I think I’m okay,” you say. When you lift your phone back up, Beomgyu takes it from your hand and tosses it gently onto the floor. You watch it land a few feet away from you. You don’t feel like getting up to grab it, so you let the device stay where it is. You settle with insulting him instead, “You suck.”
“I don’t want you to hang out with him tonight,” he complains with a pout. “I want my best friend.”
“Gyu, you’ll live.” What a flair for the dramatics he has.
“Just this once, please,” he begs. “You know you’re going to feel guilty and awkward hanging out with Soobin after what we did yesterday anyway.”
Shit. You hate it when he’s right.
You sigh, “Fine.” You’re enveloped in his embrace immediately, face smushed into his chest as he cheers in victory. “This better be the best band I see perform in my life.”
──── ──── ──── ──── ────
The concert is pretty mediocre. The band consists of some grungy college-aged boys who sing about being depressed and cheating on girls. Not quite your music of choice, but you enjoy your time as much as you can nonetheless.
Beomgyu’s arm stays slumped over your shoulders pretty much the entire time. For warmth reasons, you don’t complain, but it is pretty embarrassing to see Yeonjun looking at the two of you weirdly from time to time. He must be able to sense that something’s off between you.
Beomgyu splits off at some point to buy a water bottle somewhere, and you’re left alone to talk to Yeonjun. He doesn’t even spare you a glance at first, which makes you think he might be having a bad day.
“You like this band?” you ask him, breaking the silence. You’re confused why he glares at you when he finally turns his head your way.
“You like Beomgyu?” he retorts, voice filled with some weird scorn.
“Woah, what?”
“Aren’t you dating Soobin? Why are you letting Beomgyu touch you?”
You have no clue where this is coming from. Beomgyu must have been talking to Yeonjun about the things you two did together. “Did Beomgyu say something to you?”
“Yeah,” Yeonjun says. “He’s been telling me all about how you’re sleeping with him while seeing Soobin.”
That motherfucker. He’s bragging about banging you to other guys? You’re nearly seeing red, but you keep your composure so you don’t look crazy in front of Yeonjun. “Soobin and I aren’t exclusive,” you defend.
Yeonjun gives you a humorless laugh. “Would you be happy if Soobin was fucking other girls right now?”
The thought puts a bitter taste in your mouth. “I wouldn’t like it, but I”—
“Don’t lie. You’d cry your heart out.” Yeonjun levels you with a knowing stare. You meet it, unwavering, but you know he’s right.
“You don’t know the whole story. I tried putting a stop to it,” you say.
“And what? You relapsed like he’s some drug? You need to get real.”
You want to be mad, but what’s the point? You’re getting reality checked, and it burns, but maybe Yeonjun’s right.
“Beomgyu puts up a fight every time I talk about Soobin. He won’t let me be.” You feel defensive, like you have to prove you’re not totally at fault.
“So you let him down easy with some pussy?” he asks with sizable disappointment in his voice. God, this is embarrassing.
“You don’t get it.” It’s not like you didn’t say no to him before. You tried removing yourself from the room, you tried telling him this can’t happen, you tried everything except leaving him. It doesn’t work.
“I don’t have to get it. You should do better.” The conversation ends at that, his words left to linger in your mind.
You stand silently beside Yeonjun and stare blankly at the band on the stage. Time has got to move a little faster. You pray Beomgyu doesn’t take much longer getting back.
When he does come back, you don’t let him cling to you like a magnet. He looks at you a little weird for rejecting his arm around you, but he doesn’t say anything until you get in his car.
“Are you okay? You seem kinda pissed.” His question only serves to irritate you further.
“You told Yeonjun that we sleep with each other?” You don’t hide the anger from your voice. He looks at you with wide eyes. Clearly he knows he fucked up. “I never once let you put your dick in me.”
Beomgyu breathes out slowly, then pouts his lips and taps awkwardly on the steering wheel. You allow him his minute of shameful silence before starting up again, “Do you just not respect me? I doubt you told him what exactly led to this.”
He still doesn’t look at you. He can try all the cute, pitiful tactics he wants, you’re not falling for it this time.
“I’m sorry,” he mutters, head down like he’s hating his life right now. Good, you hope he is.
“If you’re really sorry then you’ll stop doing anything more than platonic with me.” He looks at you with upturned brows and scared eyes. It’s as if you spoke his worst fear into reality.
“No, I’ll tell Yeonjun I lied, I promise,” he pleads.
“Why? You didn’t lie. I’m just some whore you get to brag about, right?”
“No! I lied, I was wrong, I should have never opened my mouth to Yeonjun. I’m stupid.” Ugh, you can’t take his self-pity.
“We’re never crossing that line again. I was stupid. I’m actually glad Yeonjun gave me that reality check.”
“I’m sorry. We don’t have to stop, I’ll just shut my mouth about it now,” he says.
“I don’t want to risk ruining everything anymore.” He has nothing to say to that. It’s eerily quiet for a moment. “Can you bring us home now?”
He puts the car in drive. The ride is silent the whole way home.
──── ──── ──── ──── ────
The longest week of your life passes by, in which you barely hang out with Beomgyu, barely see Soobin, and barely talk to anyone. You consider it to be a reset week for you, trying to detach yourself from everyone else to focus on finding out what you want. With so many complicated relationships in your life, you need plenty of time to think this through.
You spend a lot of nights considering what exactly you want from Beomgyu and Soobin. You weigh all your thoughts out and philosophize them, waiting for something to click and show you all the answers. What you learn instead is that no amount of contemplation is going to clear things up for you completely.
When looking at it honestly, your life has been a mess of ups and downs since meeting Soobin. It’s not his fault at all—actually, when you try to pin the blame on someone, the dart lands like a bullseye on your own face. And it’s not that Soobin is a bad influence on your life, making you do all these stupid things; instead, it’s that you have no willpower when it comes to Beomgyu.
So, do you end things with Soobin? You rack your brain for a smart answer, but it’s hard to even think anything after forming that sentence. A pit of emptiness forms in your chest instead, and avoiding that uncomfortable feeling is within your own self-interest.
You itch to call Chaewon more times than you can count, but you don’t let yourself give in. You want this to be something you tackle without the influence of anyone else. You already know how Chaewon would tell you to solve this, anyway.
A couple nights throughout the week, Beomgyu has knocked on your door, and neither time did you let him in. Out of everyone you know, he has the biggest influence on you. Your rational mind is thrown out the window when it comes to him. You don’t think that’s something you can stop or control.
He texts you and makes sure you’re okay, which you’re grateful for. You still eat dinner with him, and you even let yourself indulge in one movie night, but you’re trying to keep your distance so you can keep your head clear.
You’re at a mental standstill, looking down a multitude of paths that have no clear end. You could move in with Chaewon and make Soobin your boyfriend. You could end things with Soobin and see if you can go back to normal with Beomgyu. You could do nothing and give up your hand in this game.
You feel like you’re finding a new law of arithmetic trying to decide what to do next. You’re not the thinking type—clearly, as if the past couple months haven’t been proof enough—so you earn no insight and all headache from this.
Go you, trying to be independent and figure out your life on your own. Look where that got you, huddled up in your bedroom and even more depressed than before. You need a drink.
Matter of fact—
Wanna go to a bar?
You don’t even have to wait a minute for Chaewon’s response. ‘Bar’ to her is exactly what ‘squirrel’ is to dogs.
[Chaewon] You already know my answer. I’m getting ready right nowwww
No boy talk or I’m ending my shit in front of you
You need one night to just let loose and stop thinking. You’ve had enough of deliberating upon the men in your life this week.
[Chaewon] Oh you need those drinks bad
[Chaewon] Okay noted
──── ──── ──── ──── ────
You don’t expect to be interrogated as soon as you open the door to your apartment the next morning, but Beomgyu’s insistent prying serves as a lovely pairing with your massive hangover.
“Where were you last night?” he asks before you can even open the door all the way. You’re too busy adjusting to how bright the room is to process his question at first. You squint to save your eyeballs as much as you can. You walk right into Beomgyu when you try to properly enter the room. He holds your waist to steady your balance. “Are you drunk?” he asks.
You shake your head and instantly regret it, since it makes it feel like your brain is sloshing around inside your skull. “Hungover.”
“You didn’t tell me you were going out,” he says. He doesn’t sound mad or accusatory, but it still irritates you because you don’t want to deal with this right now.
“Didn’t realize I had to.”
“You always do when you go out drinking,” he reasons.
You sigh, “Yeah, well, I didn’t this time.”
He scrunches your brows as he takes in your tone. “Are you mad at me or something?”
You rub your eyes. You need to bury your head under your pillow, this light is killing you, and this conversation needs to be over with. “I’m not mad at you.”
He’s quiet for a second. “I feel like you are.”
“Okay. Have fun feeling like that.” You open one of the cabinets to look for some medicine.
“See? You’re talking to me like you’re mad at me. What did I do?” All your patience leaves you at that. You don’t want to be doing this right now.
You place the pill bottle onto the counter with more force than necessary and turn around abruptly to face Beomgyu. “I’m hungover. I don’t want to talk. Take a hint.”
He blinks at you stupidly, and it just annoys you more. You scoff and turn your attention back to the medicine.
“Were you with Soobin?” he asks, breaking the ten seconds of peace and quiet he allowed you.
You groan. “Does it matter? I could have fucked Soobin last night and it still wouldn’t be any of your concern.”
“Did you fuck Soobin last night?” he asks urgently now that you planted the thought in his head. You swallow your pills in place of answering him. He holds onto your arm to stop you from leaving when you try to walk past him. “Did you??”
“What if I did? Do you think you have any right to tell me anything about it?” You didn’t, obviously, but at this point you’ll say anything to get him to stop talking.
His jaw clenches and he tightens his lips, but you don’t give a damn what displays of anger he gives you. He could pull his arm back and get ready to punch you and you still wouldn’t waver. You raise your eyebrows, waiting for his answer.
“I just—I don’t get—You’re not even…” He sure is having trouble finding his words. Some defense he’s got built up.
“Interesting.” You turn, ready to storm off to your room, but he stops you once again.
His hands stay clung to your shoulders, not even blinking as he turns you back toward him. “Please just tell me who you went out with.” He almost reeks of desperation.
You’re annoyed and you don’t owe him shit, so you don’t open your mouth to give him a response. You shrug with a straight face.
He whines and leans his head down onto your shoulder like you’ve just stabbed him in the gut. You roll your eyes. He always has to be the victim. You might just trudge to your room with him clinging onto you if he doesn’t give this up. You’ll get to your bed one way or another.
“What did I do? I’m so sorry. Why are you so mad at me?” he says, voice breaking like he’s holding back tears. He nuzzles further into your shoulder.
“Gyu, I swear, I’m just tired and my head hurts. You had nothing to do with this until five minutes ago. So please get off of me.” You push against him to try to pry him away, but he locks his arms around you. You sigh deeply, accepting his embrace because it’s not like you can run from it. You wait until enough time has passed where it’s safe for you to pull away without him freaking out.
“So you’re not mad at me?” he asks, giving you those sweet puppy eyes that you’d melt over any other time. Unfortunately, you’re still pissy and in need of rest, so you don’t coddle Beomgyu like you know he wants you to.
“No.” His lips tilt up just slightly at that. He wipes his eyes dramatically.
“Can I lay down with you then?” he asks, eyes carrying all his hope.
You shouldn’t, but you don’t want to deal with his moping if you don’t let him. “If you stay quiet and keep your distance.”
You’re already walking to your room when you hear him start complaining, “Keep my distance!?” You don’t stop to respond. Now that you have your sight on your bed, nothing could stop you from getting wrapped up in your blankets.
You fall against the mattress with a groan, smushing your head into your pillow. You register the bed dip next to you with Beomgyu’s weight, and you’re half-surprised that he allows you a respectable amount of space. A good five minutes pass in which you nearly fall asleep just listening to yours and Beomgyu’s breathing. Silence is always fleeting with Beomgyu, though, and it’s not long until he has to break it.
“I’m sorry, I can’t stop thinking about this. Did you seriously… sleep with Soobin?” Beomgyu asks in a quiet voice, words coming out hesitantly like he’s almost scared to ask.
You sigh, turning your head so you’re facing him instead of being buried in a pillow. You blink slowly, still wanting to fall asleep. He’s pouting and looks like he feels bad for even asking. Luckily for him, most of your annoyance evaporated from you the moment you laid down.
“No, I didn’t. It was just me and Chaewon,” you answer. You let your eyes flutter shut again, assuming the conversation would be over now.
Nope. “Why didn’t you tell me that earlier then?” You contemplate pretending to be asleep so that you don’t have to respond anymore, but you feel his arm wrap around your waist and you have to shove it off. There goes that idea. “And why can’t I hold you anymore?” he asks.
“Because of what we talked about after the concert.” Your eyes are still closed, but you bet he does something sassy in response like roll his eyes or curl his lips down.
“Well I think that’s stupid,” he says. You open your eyes to make sure he sees it when you scowl at him.
“You’re free to leave my room if you don’t want to respect my rules.”
“Putting rules on our friendship is so ridiculous,” he argues. “We have literally always been touchy with each other. Soobin can go cry about it if he thinks there’s a problem with that. Why should we change for him?”
“It’s me who’s putting these rules down, he never told me to do anything. It’s not just because of him, either.” Your head threatens to start pounding again.
“What else would it be for?”
“Us? Do you not worry that we’ll go too far and never be able to go back?” you ask incredulously, like the reasoning should be obvious. He must not fear losing this friendship the way you do.
“No, because I know nothing could break the bond between us.”
“Hooking up does. Don’t you see how much we’ve changed already? For the worse?” He’d be blind to deny that much.
“Hooking up didn’t change us, Soobin did,” he counters. He’s not holding anything back, overflowing with audacity today.
“I would have told you to stop with or without Soobin in my life.” Because you actually care about preserving your friendship. You know that a lifetime of shared memories is better than twenty minutes of sexual gratification.
“And you think this time will be any different from the last hundred times? You keep saying this is going to end, and then it doesn’t.”
“But I mean it this time,” you say with full confidence.
“You say that every time.”
“Then how about you make it easier for me and stop trying to get with me? It might make things easier if you actually fucking respected it when I try to lay down boundaries.”
“Or you can just say no to me, unless I’m that irresistible,” he snides. Is he serious? Does he think you’ve never tried to say no?
“Fuck you.” You turn away from him, done with this conversation. He doesn’t leave your bed, but he does keep his distance. Either he’s pissed off now too, or you’ve finally convinced him to respect you. Your bet’s on the former.
──── ──── ──── ──── ────
You’re getting ready to go out, wanting to spend your Sunday with Soobin. You haven’t seen him in a while, and you feel like you need this to clarify things for yourself. You aren’t supposed to meet him until later today, but you’re planning on running some errands first, and you might as well get ready now so you don’t have to rush to do it later.
The sounds of you roaming around your room seem to beckon Beomgyu over. He walks up to you with a soft smile on his face. “Heading out?” he asks.
“I am,” you confirm. You stop struggling with the necklace you were trying to put on and hand it to Beomgyu instead. You might as well make use of his presence. “Can you put this on for me?” You pull your hair off your neck to make it easier for him.
He’s able to secure the clasp much faster than you. He pats your shoulder when you’re all set, and you put your hair back down.
He’s quiet for a few seconds before he speaks up again, “I’m sorry for arguing with you yesterday.” He looks bashful as the apology rolls off his tongue.
You weren’t expecting that. You guys don’t really apologize to each other over small arguments, you just move on. You turn to face him so he can see your honesty. “It’s okay. I’m sorry I snapped at you.”
He laughs. “I deserved it.”
You shake your head. “No you didn’t.”
You two smile at each other, and it’s times like this where life feels a little simpler. It’s surreal that you share your own little section of the world together, and that you still get to have these bonding moments years after meeting.
“I’m glad that I have you in my life,” you say. “Even when I’m hungover and annoyed at you.”
His response comes in the form of a giggle and a squeeze of your hand. You allow it, letting him be sentimental.
“Okay, I need to continue with my makeup now,” you say, pulling away to rummage through your products and find your eyelash curler. Beomgyu lingers behind you, just watching.
“This skirt is really cute,” Beomgyu says, pinching the fabric of it.
“Thanks, I thrifted it.” He hums and nods in response. A minute passes in which he silently observes you.
“You doll yourself up a lot when you go out with Soobin.” You slowly turn to face him, not understanding the point of his statement.
“Is that a problem?” you ask. You didn’t even tell him you were going out with Soobin.
“No. You look good.” You hum and pull out mascara from your vanity’s drawer. You lean forward as you apply it to your lashes, trying your best to ignore Beomgyu’s stare.
A part of you is admittedly confused that Beomgyu isn’t trying to stop you from leaving or fighting with you about seeing Soobin. Just now, he was actually the most collected you’ve ever seen him be when it comes to Soobin. You don’t want to jinx it, so you try to shift your thoughts somewhere else.
You and Soobin are going to the vintage market later, since you found out that you both share a love for vintage things. (For him, it’s old gaming systems and figurines, and for you, it’s clothes and home decor.) You’re thinking about trying to convince him to get dinner with you too, but that might be pushing your luck. You know he had some errands to run today too.
“Those are nice,” Beomgyu says. You don’t know what he means until you see in the mirror where he’s looking. You widen your eyes and straighten your posture immediately. Bent over the vanity like that, your panties were on full display under your skirt. And to think you were sharing a sentimental moment just a few minutes ago!
You scowl at him. “Thanks for staring, creep.” You shove your mascara back in the drawer.
“I’m sure Soobin would love them,” he says. You pause as you register his words. You’re not sure what his goal is, or why he suddenly switched up so much. You decide it’s best to not add fuel to the fire and just keep your mouth closed.
Beomgyu’s all fire though, and needs no fuel to keep going. “Your makeup’s really pretty too. You look like an angel.”
“What are you trying to do?” you ask, voice full of suspicion. Even in his tone, you can hear his ulterior motives.
He comes closer to you with a grin, leaning his head on your shoulder and locking eyes with you in the mirror. He wraps his arms around your waist, and you feel a bit overwhelmed by his presence.
“I know you worked so hard getting pretty, but I don’t really think you should go out today… It’s windy, and you’ll be so, so cold in this…” He slowly pulls the thin strap of your top off your shoulder until it falls limp around your arm. His finger lightly traces the skin he revealed.
You’re not so curious what Beomgyu’s intentions are anymore. They’re pretty easy to guess now. “I’ll be fine,” you say.
He pouts, continuing to trace little swirls onto your skin. “You’ll get sick,” he adds.
“That’s not what you actually care about,” you say.
“I do though.” He places a kiss on your neck as if to show his earnestness.
“Beomgyu—no, this is too much.” You try pushing him off, but it’s as if he doesn’t feel your efforts at all. You give up after the second attempt.
“You should stay home with me so I don’t have to worry about you all day.” He stares at your side profile and brushes your hair back. He places another tender kiss on your neck, higher up this time. You try to fight any heat rising in your body from the action.
“Stop this,” you say, but it doesn’t sound so confident with how your voice shakes. You turn your head to look him in the eye. He just smiles up at you from where his head still leans on your shoulder. You hold back a gasp when his finger stops tracing lines on your skin and hooks under your bra strap instead, just barely starting to pull that aside too.
You’re so flustered by his finger slowly inching your bra strap down that you barely notice when his lips are back on your neck, attached to your pulse point like your heartbeat was calling for him.
“Y-you told me I could say no to you,” you remind him as his lips continue their slow descent down your neck.
“Yeah, if you actually meant it.” He places one last kiss to your skin, then props his head back on your shoulder to look into your eyes through the mirror. He smiles as if he likes what he finds; you must look as confused and malleable as you feel.
“You lied,” you say quietly, as if it’s a revelation to yourself and not a response to him.
“I didn’t. I’m just obsessed with pleasing you.” He runs his hands down your sides soothingly, then prompts you to bend with a gentle hand on your back.
“Beomgyu!” you squeak, fighting against the hand that beckons you down. You hold on tight to the edge of the vanity to keep your body up.
“Stop thinking. Let me take care of you.” His voice is so soft and coaxing, and you feel a sizable sense of shame hit you when arousal oozes from your cunt. An even greater amount of shame finds you when your arms shake and eventually give, letting Beomgyu ease you down until you’re bent over the vanity.
“We really can’t do this.” It might be too late to keep fighting, but you don’t want to suffer the consequences of this all over again.
“Shhh, baby,” he whispers as his hand travels down your back and settles on your hip, massaging the area.
Oh god. This is so bad. You’re supposed to be hanging out with Soobin in a few hours. You can’t do this right now.
“Gyu”—
“It’s okay,” he soothes. “Stop shaking, why are you so nervous?”
“I’m supposed to see Soobin today!” you squeak. He tsks.
“Didn’t I tell you to stop thinking?” A warm hand trails up your thigh. He doesn’t go under your skirt, he stays well enough away from your center, but something about his touch is still making your head spin. No one can make you lose reasonability like Beomgyu can.
You whine, and you don’t know if it’s out of defeat or out of need. You blink a tear from your eyes and follow Beomgyu’s advice: you stop thinking.
“Gyu…” You don’t even know what you’re calling him for. You hide your face in your arms so you don’t have to watch your reflection give up her fight.
“Yes, baby?” Your hips push out in search for his touch before you can stop yourself. Tears of shame pool in your eyes, and you're glad Beomgyu can’t see your face to coddle you for that. “You need something?”
You don’t respond. It’s embarrassing how bad you need his touch, but you can’t bring yourself to say it out loud. A part of you wishes he’d leave you here like this so you could take care of your needs yourself.
He flips your skirt up with a careful hand, and you keep as still as possible. You try not to even breathe too hard. “You’re wet,” he says. “Want me to help you?”
What’s the point of asking? He went this far already. “No,” you say, and half of the reason is just to test if he’ll do it anyway.
“But you need me,” he says, brushing your hair out of your face and turning your head to him with his fingers on your chin. He looks at you like you’re a deer caught in a bear trap, like he’s being merciful to offer his help. You feel powerless when he looks at you like that.
His pitiful stare just makes you blink more tears out of your eyes, and you’d hide your face if you could, but he insists on keeping your head tilted towards him. He coos when the wet trails reach your cheeks, bringing a thumb up to wipe your tears.
“Do you wanna feel better?” he asks, continuing to spoil you with tender touches. He grabs your hand and lifts it to his lips to kiss your knuckles. You feel every bit the deer caught in the trap—Beomgyu’s got you in his claws now.
“I don’t know,” you say, pouting up at him.
“It’s okay. I’ll help you. Just tell me when to stop…” The light press of his fingertip against your clothed core makes you sigh, tension melting from your body. You close your eyes, shutting off your brain and relaxing into the feeling.
“That’s right, it feels so good, doesn’t it?” He circles your clit, keeping his touch feather-light. Even that much drives you crazy and makes your legs tremble. “Can I take these off?” His finger moves from your clit to hook beneath the hem of your panties.
“Please,” you say. He kisses your shoulder blade in appreciation.
“What nice manners.” Your panties are slowly peeled off of you until they hit the floor. The cold air hits your wet folds, making you shiver in anticipation.
“Fuck,” Beomgyu utters as he stares at your pussy. He brings a hand down and starts rubbing your clit, leaving you a gasping and mewling mess already. “I missed this cunt. God, you haunted me. You tortured me.”
He attaches his mouth to your neck, kissing down to your shoulder. You cry out when his tongue meets your skin, licking and nipping at whatever skin he has access to. You clench around nothing, making more arousal drip out of you. Beomgyu coats his fingers in the slickness and continues drawing tight circles onto your clit.
“Beomgyu!” you yelp out when he speeds up. He places a parting peck onto your jaw before leaning away to look at your face. He smiles down at you.
“You need something inside that wet little cunt? Are you aching for my fingers?” His words make you feel lightheaded. You’re already having trouble thinking clearly, but now with that thought in your mind, you’re a goner.
“Yes, I need you!” He’s quick to give you what you want, sinking two fingers in with ease. You’re left crying and panting as he fucks his digits into you, filthy sounds filling the room.
“You’re so hot,” he praises, pulling your head up with his fist in your hair. You’re forced to stare at your own reflection, met with an image of you that looks so unfamiliar. Your mouth is hung open, spilling out moans and cries as Beomgyu’s fingers continue ramming into you. Your makeup is smudged and no longer suitable to go out in. The strap of your shirt and bra still hangs limp on your arm, and that side of your neck is coated in Beomgyu’s saliva.
“I look like a slut,” you say, pouting only for a second before your mouth is forced open again around a whine.
“You look beautiful.” His fingers curl into you, searching for the spot that will have your eyes rolling back. Your legs tremble when he finds it, and you have to rebalance yourself, clutching onto the vanity to keep yourself up.
“There! Oh, god, Gyu!” His mouth is back on your throat, hot and wet as he sucks and tastes and kisses. He nibbles on your jaw, then moves up to breathe into your ear.
“Let me fuck you, let me fill you up,” he whispers. You clench around his fingers at the thought. He stills inside you and you whine. “Baby.” He holds your face so you’ll look at him. He presses a quick kiss to your lips. You’re too far gone to complain. “You need more, right? You need my dick inside you?”
He curls his fingers inside you once more, and your back arches at the sensation. You try not to get too heady at the idea of him splitting you with his cock. That’s the one thing that absolutely cannot happen, so you can’t let yourself give in to that.
“Tell me, or else you won’t cum at all,” he says, rubbing his fingers inside you so perfectly it leaves your legs shaking.
“No, please!” you exclaim, panicked at the prospect of him leaving you on the edge. Your frantic hands are quick to play with your clit and squeeze your tits, trying to get yourself off while his fingers are still inside of you.
“Are you gonna let me fuck you today?” he asks, moving his fingers slower so you won’t cum. You pout and push your hips toward him, but a strong hand of his retaliates and keeps you still.
“We can’t,” you say. Immediately, he pulls his fingers out of you. He slaps your pussy, making you yelp and shut your legs. He pries them back open and slaps you again, harder this time. His fingers collect your wetness and tease your entrance, but never slip back inside.
“Did my slut already give it up to Soobin? Because that would really piss me off,” he says, staring meanly at you as he waits for your answer.
“No! We never did anything together,” you answer, the truth leaving you easily when you’re so desperate for his touch. He huffs out a laugh.
“That’s right. You know you’re mine.” He’s so pleased that he decides to relieve some of your need, rubbing your clit. “No one else would be able to touch you like me. Tell me how I ruined you for any other man,” he prompts.
He pulls his fingers off of you and pushes his pants down, whipping his dick out and stroking it as he looks down at you. He taps your clit with the head of his cock and bites back a grin when you mewl at the action. He thrusts against your pussy, letting his length slide between your folds.
You have to cling onto reality and keep yourself from slipping into a brainless haze. It’s hard to do when his cock feels so girthy and hot against you. He would stretch you so nicely. Your cunt oozes at the thought.
“Say it,” Beomgyu demands, grabbing your face again so you’ll make eye contact with him. He leans over your body to do so, and you feel completely surrounded by him. His stare is hard and demanding. Your eyes bug out when you feel him press his tip against your entrance, pushing with just the slightest bit of pressure, but not quite sliding in. “Say it or I’ll fuck the words out of you.”
That scares you into compliance. “You ruined me for anyone else! Only you can make me cum! I only want your cock!” you chant thoughtlessly.
He laughs and smooths his hands down your body, resting them on your waist. “Good girl. Was that so hard?” He’s so condescending, but it makes you drip like crazy. He goes back to thrusting against your pussy, making you sigh in relief.
Beomgyu runs a hand under your shirt, squeezing your tits. Your back arches when he twists and pulls at your nipples while continuing to slide his cock through your folds. He takes his dick and starts swiping his tip over your clit rapidly, watching you spasm at the sensation with a grin. Your hole continues to flutter, aching to be stuffed with his cock. Unfortunately, Beomgyu takes notice of that.
“You need that hole filled, baby? Need to be nice and stretched?” He brings his tip back to your entrance. He circles around it teasingly, making you whine. You can’t let him fuck you. You need to keep at least that much from him.
“Don’t,” you plead, getting more antsy the longer he stays at your entrance.
“Don’t?” he repeats, but doesn’t move away.
“Please don’t!” you cry, unwilling to let him go that far. He finally relents.
“Then you’ll cum like this,” he huffs and goes back to stimulating your clit with the head of his cock. You moan out, pushing your hips down to feel him pressed against you more. Your mouth is dropped open in pleasure, eyes shutting as you focus on the feeling. Your legs shake and try to close, but Beomgyu urges them back open with his hand on your thigh.
You can’t form any coherent sentences, stuttering out a garbled mess of words that tells Beomgyu you’re right there. “Let go, baby, be good and cum for me,” he says, and your body obeys. You spasm everywhere as your orgasm takes over, breathing out in sweet relief. He’s moaning behind you, movements getting shakier as his release finds him.
Beomgyu pulls away so his cum lands on your ass, but his fingers play with your pussy to help you come down. Your legs clamp shut when it gets too much, and he takes that as a sign to stop. The sound of you and Beomgyu panting fills the room as you recover from your highs.
“Fuck, I wish I could take a picture of this,” Beomgyu says, staring at your ass painted with his seed. You can’t even think of a smart reply to that, still trying to get your breathing back to normal.
Beomgyu takes off his shirt to wipe you down with it. You’re glad he still has the mind to take care of you. You cringe when you feel him try to put your soiled panties back onto you. “Stop, I’ll just get a new pair,” you say, kicking his hands away.
You stand up and stretch, trying to avoid looking at your reflection as much as possible. You grab your phone to check the time. What catches your sight instead is a text notification from Soobin, and suddenly you feel sick. Beomgyu smirks when his eyes land on your screen. “You still going out with him today?”
You almost feel like you could cry. Was this his plan all along? You put your phone back down, unable to stand the guilt.
He wins again. “No, I’m not.”
──── ──── ──── ──── ────
Your life recently has just been a continuous cycle of proving that you can, indeed, stoop even lower. You’re so confused how you even got to this point. Your fairytale relationship was lined up for you, it was supposed to be easy to stop whatever you’re doing with Beomgyu and make Soobin your boyfriend.
Things are more complicated and confusing than ever, a precedent you continuously find yourself in. You can’t grow accustomed to this. You’ll go crazy before you ever figure out why Beomgyu won’t quit. What is the root of his insecurity? Why is he so threatened by the idea of you having a boyfriend? You’ve already told him you won’t leave him.
When you notice that Beomgyu’s not home when you get back from work, you decide to invite Chaewon over to keep you company. You don’t feel like being alone with your thoughts right now.
She’s there in a heartbeat, and the two of you are quick to settle on the couch and watch a bit of the show she’s currently binging. You’re only half an episode in when you stop paying attention and start talking to Chaewon about life instead. It doesn’t take long for Chaewon to land on the million dollar question.
“Alright, this has been killing me since we went to the bar. What happened with Soobin?” Chaewon asks.
You want to punch yourself. This is so embarrassing. “Well…”
“I swear, if you…” she starts, and you know what she’s thinking.
“I did.” You get a hard smack on the arm for that. You deserved it, honestly.
“You fucked Beomgyu?!”
“He didn’t stick it in, but we did basically everything else,” you admit.
“Why?” she asks. “Everything was going so well.”
“I don’t know. Because I’m stupid. I tried to say no, but you know him.”
She looks a little horrified to hear that. “What?”
You scramble to explain, not wanting her to get the wrong idea, “I mean, like, I gave in and let myself enjoy it because he wasn’t stopping anyway.”
“Do you even know how concerning that sounds?” Chaewon asks, looking genuinely worried for you. “Seriously, are you okay?” She runs a hand down your arm to comfort you.
“I’m okay. Thank you.” Her eyes have lost all their hardness and accusation, and she looks at you with only pity now.
“How’d this happen? Give me the timeline,” Chaewon says, and you sigh as you try to recollect the whole story.
“I actually initiated it the first time we hooked up again,” you explain with a sense of shame. “I was angry, and he kept insisting that I hate him, so I kissed him. Then it went further.”
“I hate him,” Chaewon says with a bitter laugh. You frown, so she continues, “I do. I can’t stand him anymore. He knew he was cornering you when he said that shit.”
“Well, it worked. It keeps working. I tried again to stop after that, which is when he told me I should just say no and”—
“What the hell?” Chaewon interrupts, appalled. “As if you haven’t been saying no in a million different ways!”
“Yeah, I don’t know.” You shake your head and shrug defeatedly. “So the next time he tries to initiate something, I say no, and he doesn’t listen because he said he could tell I didn’t mean it.”
Chaewon’s jaw is dropped open. It takes a few seconds for her to get a response out. “I really hate him. I’m fuming for you.”
“Well, I didn’t tell him to stop once he really started touching me. I don’t know why. He told me to tell him when to stop, and I just… didn’t.”
“He needs to get it together. You need to give him an ultimatum.” The drastic measures make your heart pound. Beomgyu would lose it.
“I can’t,” you say. “Even if I did, he’d find a way around it again.”
“Stop giving him so much power over you. You need to detox yourself clean of him.” She says that like he’s some bacteria you can just flush out. He’s more like a parasite taking control of your whole being.
“But I live with him,” you reason.
“Then stay at mine. As long as you’re here with him, he’s going to keep doing this. He’s been messing with your head and ruining your life on purpose. It’s such bullshit. He’ll never take no for an answer,” Chaewon spits.
“What the hell are you guys talking about?” You snap your head over to where the voice came from. Fuck. Beomgyu came home.
Your heart stops. You hold your breath, staring at him with wide eyes. What do you say? There’s no excuse that could get you out of this situation.
Chaewon on the other hand doesn’t seem scared at all—she seems furious. “You,” she answers, unphased at his attempt to intimidate her.
She rises from the couch and approaches him with quick footsteps. You get scared for a second that she might hit him, so you follow her quickly. She stops in front of Beomgyu, and you stand back, observing the scene with your nerves on edge. Beomgyu doesn’t back down, staring daggers into her.
“Beomgyu, you are the most disgusting excuse for a friend in the world,” Chaewon snaps. She pokes a finger against his chest to make her point. “I can only pray that karma gets you one day and makes you see what a piece of shit you are.”
Beomgyu looks at you while pointing at Chaewon. “You’re just gonna let her talk to me like this? Did you even tell her the full story?”
You see red at his accusation. “I told her everything, matter of fact.”
“Yeah? Then she should know that you’re just as much to blame as I am,” he says, walking away from Chaewon and towards you. “I can’t believe you’ve been shit-talking me with your friends for things you chose to do with me.”
Chaewon chimes in, “How much of a choice does she have if you’re bugging her nonstop until she gives in? Crying, fighting, begging. If you were fucking normal she’d already be with Soobin by now.”
Beomgyu doesn’t turn to look at Chaewon as she speaks, so his face is still close to yours as he takes in her words. He doesn’t look remorseful at all. He just looks pissed.
“You can leave, Chaewon,” he says, voice dripping with venom. He looks you in the eye even as he says that. It sends a chill down your spine.
Chaewon grabs your wrist and pulls you a few steps away from Beomgyu. “Come sleep at mine tonight,” she urges you. “You don’t deserve to hear whatever shit he’s gonna put you through.”
“Fuck that,” Beomgyu says. “Get out of my house.” He points to the door. You’re shocked at the slight raise in his voice. He’s never done that before.
Chaewon looks at you, waiting for you to say something. You feel like the smallest person alive because you can’t bring yourself to accept her offer. It would only strain your relationship with Beomgyu more.
“Don’t be mad at me, Chaewon,” you plead, even though that’s probably too much to ask for. But she’s Chaewon, and she carries all the understanding she’s ever had, so she doesn’t get mad at all.
She squeezes your hand. “Be smart,” she says, then wraps her arms around you for a tight hug. “Text me if you need anything,” she whispers in your ear.
“I’m sorry,” you whisper in hers. She pulls away and pats your hair down, looking sympathetic.
“I’ll see you soon,” she says, heading towards the door.
“See you.” You can’t bring yourself to sound happy or excited as you watch her leave. It feels like your life force has been drained out of you, and yet you’re nowhere near done with the arguments tonight. You turn to Beomgyu, already expecting it.
“Please don’t listen to her,” he says. You blink up at him, confused. He’s not going to get mad at you? “I don’t know what she’s telling you, but don’t listen to it.”
You don’t have it in you to fight him right now. “I just chose you again, Beomgyu, even if I shouldn’t have. That should tell you everything.” It’s the last thing you say before heading off to your room. You don’t think your pout leaves your face all night.
Time and time again, you prove you can’t change. You can’t prioritize anything over Beomgyu, not even yourself. It’s pathetic. You’re pathetic.
You want to believe you can grow as a person, but it’s so impossible when Beomgyu insists on bringing you back to square one every chance he gets. Chaewon’s offer rings in your head, telling you there is a way out. You could stay with her and leave behind all the mess that comes with being here.
Your eyes water. If only you weren’t so weak. You can’t imagine how that life would be better than one with Beomgyu in it. You can’t abandon him; for both his sake and your own, it’s better if you stay. You just have to get used to this being your new life.
──── ──── ──── ──── ────
Somehow, Beomgyu becomes the only person you don’t feel guilty being around. When you’re with Soobin, you feel guilty for what you’ve done with Beomgyu. When you’re with Chaewon, you feel guilty for not taking her advice and controlling your life more. With Beomgyu, you don’t have to feel guilty, as long as you don’t let yourself think too hard.
You end up spending most of your free time cooped up in his room. It’s better than being alone—your thoughts might send you spiraling if you’re left to deal with them on your own. If making you codependent was Beomgyu’s goal, it looks like he’s succeeding.
You let Beomgyu hold you in his bed, you let him wipe the tears off your face, you let him comfort you with peppered kisses all over your skin and honey coated words whispered into your ear. You let him do whatever he wants because it’s better than fighting with him and breaking yourself down even more.
You open your phone to see you’ve got a text from Soobin.
[Soobin] Are you free today?
Well, technically you are…
You look over at Beomgyu, still caught up in his game. You think of spending time with Soobin, lounging in some restaurant or walking across the city. It’s nice, but any of that niceness is crushed when you think of telling Beomgyu that you’re going out with Soobin. You think of his petty arguments, of the tricks he has up his sleeve, of all the right words he knows just when to say to keep things going his way. You’ve had such a shit week that you just don’t feel like ruining your weekend like that.
You send your response.
I’m not :(
You shut off your phone and lay it against your chest. You feel like you’re becoming an awful person. A few minutes later, Beomgyu cheers and claps at his screen, pushing his chair out a bit and looking back at you.
“Come look at this,” he says. You wrap a blanket around yourself as you trudge over to his desk. He points to each statistic and explains how awesome and amazing they are, looking to you for validation.
“Super cool.” You nod and try to pull an impressed look, but he can always see through your bullshit.
“Why do you sound like that? What happened?” he asks. You fight back the urge to roll your eyes. Curse him and his stupid ability to read your mind.
You sigh. “I just feel like I’m always lying to Soobin recently.”
Beomgyu, ever the asshole, just smiles at that. “Why?”
“He asked if I was free today and I said no,” you explain.
“Well that’s right. You’re hanging out with me.”
“But we don’t really have plans. We hang out like this every day.” You don’t fight it when he pulls you into his lap. You relax into him.
“Just stop dragging him along. This is going nowhere.”
“It could, though,” you say.
“It couldn’t,” Beomgyu denies with complete certainty. He runs his fingers through your hair when you rest your head on his shoulder.
“Yeah. You would make sure of it,” you say, defeated.
“Don’t act so innocent.” His voice is soft even when he says that.
“I was so set on him. You never liked me like this until you found out about him,” you say, equally as soft, no real fight in you.
“I always liked you like this.”
“No. You never acted like this.”
“I was scared of losing you to him, so I had to act like this,” he defends.
“It makes me feel crazy. Makes me feel like a bad person.”
He hums, still comforting you with his hand in your hair and an arm around your waist. He pulls you up just a bit to position you so that you’re face-to-face with him. The blanket falls off of you and onto the floor behind you. He coos when he sees your teary eyes, cupping your face.
“You’re right, I would make sure of it. I’d never let you get into a relationship,” he admits. His voice drips with gentleness, and it’s smooth as ever, but you don’t feel soothed by it. You back up when his face gets a little too close to yours.
“What if I only want to be friends?” you question.
“Then just be my friend. Don’t be his girlfriend, though,” he pleads. “Would you really hurt me like that?”
“I can’t be his friend?”
He shakes his head. “No.”
A little fire of rage is starting to burn inside you at his possessiveness. It’s like he can sense it, and he’s trying to calm it down, gently rubbing his hands down your thighs.
“Don’t touch me like that,” you demand. He moves his hands to rest on your hips instead. “Don’t touch me at all.”
He pries his hands off of you and holds them behind his head. You feel yourself getting pissed off, but for some reason you don’t make a move to get off his lap.
“Why do you treat me like this?” you ask harshly.
“Cause I’m in love with you,” he answers like he can’t hold it back anymore. Your heart stops and your eyes shoot to his own in shock. He’s looking at you with all the honesty he’s ever had. “So forgive me if I can’t stand you being with someone else.”
You open your mouth, but you have no clue what to say, so you just shut it and stare at him, dumbfounded. It takes a few seconds for rationality to hit you and urge you up and away from him. He stands up as soon as you do, holding onto your wrist.
“No, don’t go,” he begs, lacing your hands together. You lean your head into his chest and cry out in confusion. What are you supposed to do?! God, a part of you wishes you’d never even met Soobin now. If you knew it would come to this, you’d have never stepped foot in that library. It’s just not worth it. You don’t even know how you feel right now.
“What the fuck Beomgyu!” you yell as you burst into tears. Everything is ruined. You can’t be with Soobin. You can’t be with anyone. You can’t have your old dynamic with Beomgyu back. Nothing will be the same.
Beomgyu hugs you, swaying you comfortingly and slowly. You hear him sniffle. He doesn’t deserve to be crying right now. What reason does he have to cry? Everything has gone his way.
You drop to the floor and hold your face in your hands, crying into your palms. He sits in front of you and pushes your hands down, brushing your hair back. His eyes are red from his tears too, but he’s tending to you. Your stomach twists. You don’t know what to think. A guttural sob leaves you.
“Maybe this city isn’t right for you. Let’s move away,” Beomgyu offers, trying a new approach.
“Like you know what’s right for me,” you mock.
“I do,” he asserts.
“You don’t.”
“Just stop with this. Do you not love me?” he asks, angry and serious. You don’t respond. He calls your name. You look away from him.
You don’t know. Somewhere in this whole mess, you’ve lost your perception of what you feel for who. You don’t respond because you have no answer.
He whines and hangs his head, clutching his chest like you’ve just stabbed him in the heart. Always the drama queen. You feel yourself calming down a little as you see it. At least you’re not the only one breaking down now.
“You want to be with him that bad?” he asks. He looks at you with pathetic eyes, tears falling from them pitifully. You feel nothing.
He grabs you by the shoulders with urgency and desperation. You have no more fight in you, so you let it happen. He picks you up and sits you on the edge of his bed. He stands over you, holding your head up so your eyes meet. He frantically searches for something in them. You’re not sure what.
“Can you talk to me?” he requests. “At least give me that much?” He pulls your mouth open with his thumb, staring at it like he’s waiting for something to come out. You don’t know what possesses you, but you feel broken enough to not question it when you take his thumb in your mouth and suck. Perhaps you’re just used to turning to sex in the midst of heated moments now. He pulls it out and stares at you funny.
“What?” you ask. He gives a sigh of relief, and you realize it’s because you finally said something.
“We gotta talk about this,” he says.
What’s there to talk about? He told you what your whole life is going to look like anyway. You don’t even want to think about it anymore.
“Let me sleep,” you whisper. Your head is pounding.
“Okay,” he agrees, laying you back on his mattress, adjusting the pillow beneath your head. You shut your eyes. He tucks you in neatly, making sure you’re extra comfortable. He uses gentle fingers to tuck your hair out of your face. You feel his presence stick beside you like a guard dog until you fall asleep.
──── ──── ──── ──── ────
You wake up with a clearer head. The room is dark, you must have slept your way into the night. You remember everything that happened and your eyes shoot open. Beomgyu’s sleeping soundly next to you. He has you right up against him, like he knew you’d try to run away as soon as you woke up. You realize that that’s what you should be doing right now.
You remember you left your phone on the bed somewhere. You feel around for it, more frantically the longer it takes, but you come up empty. A part of you wonders if Beomgyu took it. You shake the thought. He wouldn’t. You despise your mind for trying to paint your best friend as evil.
He can’t help how he feels, right? If he scared you or hurt you, he didn’t mean it. If he’s serious when he says he loves you, then he wouldn’t want to hurt you. You feel sick as you think it over. You probably shouldn’t run away. Where would you even go?
An idea pops into your mind, but you need your phone first.
Gathering your courage, you slip from Beomgyu’s grasp and get out of bed, causing as little commotion as you can. You scan the room with just your eyes, seeing if you can find your phone. You contain the urge to groan when you don’t see it anywhere. You bend down to check under the bed. Nothing.
You startle when you rise up and see Beomgyu looking at you. “What are you doing?” he asks.
“I’m just looking for my phone.” You sound so meek and unnatural in your own ears. You sound scared of him.
“Oh.” He eases back into the bed. You didn’t realize how tense he got. Strange.
You look at him speculatively. “Do you… know where my phone is?”
He furrows his brows. “Are you accusing me right now?”
Yes. “No.” It’s so much harder to rationalize the situation when you’re talking to Beomgyu. He’s quiet for a minute, and it unnerves you. You wonder what he’s thinking.
You watch him closely as he reaches for something on his nightstand. It’s his phone. He taps around on it, and you have no clue what he’s doing until you hear it ring. He’s calling you.
The vibration of your phone is muffled, but present. Beomgyu looks to his side and lifts your pillow, revealing your phone. He hangs up the call from his end. You grab your phone, feeling guilty now.
“Now you can stop looking at me like I’m some psychopath,” he murmurs off-handedly. It stings your heart.
“I’m sorry.”
He sits up and stares at you, then lets out a heavy sigh. His eyes look puffy now from all his crying before, and you figure he must not have slept much. You wonder if he stayed up crying while you slept in his arms.
“I’m sorry too,” he says. You appreciate that, because he’s got a lot to be sorry for. “I got scared and it made me act crazy.”
So you’re finally having this conversation. Your heart rate picks up.
“You did. I guess I did too,” you say. You remember how you broke down. You remember everything he said. “Did you mean it all?” you ask.
He’s quiet for a second. “I meant it when I said I loved you.”
“And when you said you’d never let me have a relationship?” you push. He looks like you just kicked him, and he bites down his response. You remember what Chaewon said about him doing that, how he only does it because he knows you’re weak for him. Not this time. Fuck that. “Talk to me now, Beomgyu. I’ll walk out of your life forever if you don’t.”
He rushes to respond now, eyes wide with urgency. “I don’t know, I’m just desperate, and—and I need you.” He stands up, but doesn’t dare get too close to you. His hands are held together in prayer. “Don’t walk away. I’ll control myself now. Please stay. Who else do I have?”
You take a deep breath, trying to not let his words hit you too hard. You need to keep a clear mind. If your heart starts getting soft, you’ll lose to him again.
“I want you to never meddle in my love life again,” you say, speaking as clearly and confidently as you can.
“But I”—
“Never again. No excuses. Let me be.”
“But I love you!” Beomgyu cries, desperate to keep you to himself.
“Stop,” you insist, locking up the iron gates that protect your weak heart. You can’t let him get through.
“I love you, I love you, I love you! You can’t do this to me!”
You feel him slicing away at the bars guarding your heart. You have to get out of here before he breaks you down again.
“I’m staying at Chaewon’s tonight. If you try to contact me while I’m gone, you’ll never see me again. Give me space.” You fear your sanity might slip from you if you take too long to head out the door.
He drops to his knees as a sob escapes him. Unintelligible pleading escapes his lips, but you can’t allow it into your mind. If you stay here a second longer, he’s going to find your soft spots and attack. Adrenaline forces you to start moving.
You leave the room, leave the apartment, but you still hear his cries. They echo in your mind and torture you as your feet take you to Chaewon’s house. You move as fast as you can, desperate to clear your head, but Beomgyu proves himself again to be a parasite, a stain you can never wash off.
Chaewon’s eyes widen when she sees you. You must look as rough as you feel. “What happened?” she asks, ushering you to her couch. She wipes your cheeks, brushing away tears you didn’t even know were there.
“Beomgyu loves me.” You choke on a sob, leaning forward until your head is buried in Chaewon’s chest, wrapping your arms around her body. You’re glad you don’t have to beg her to comfort you—she’s quick to pat your hair down and hold you while you let it all out.
“Honey, it’s okay,” she soothes. You’re soaking her shirt with your tears, but she doesn’t say anything about it.
“No, everything has changed. Nothing’s okay.” Chaewon picks your head up at that, cupping your face so you’ll look her in the eyes. You sniffle back your tears, suddenly embarrassed by them when she’s looking at you so intensely.
“You will be okay. I promise you.” She sounds so sure of it that you have no choice but to believe her. You nod, and she looks pleased at that. Once she releases you from her hold, you wipe the wetness from your face. You feel yourself calming down.
“Thank you,” you say. Even if all you want to do in the moment is wallow in your own self-pity, you can’t let that be the rest of your life. Once you feel confident you won’t start crying again, you tell Chaewon everything that happened with Beomgyu. She’s quiet the whole time, nodding as you explain the whole ordeal. You don’t have it in you to joke about it right now, and you appreciate that she doesn’t try to either.
“Well, how do you feel? Do you love Beomgyu?” she asks.
You sigh. This is a loaded question. “I’m not in love with him, but I do love him. Even after everything he did, I still love him. I probably always will.”
Chaewon nods slowly and hums in acknowledgement. She takes a minute to ask her next question. “What about Soobin?”
You pout as you ponder it. When you think about being with Soobin now, it’s not heart fluttering anymore. Beomgyu ruined that for you. Maybe Beomgyu ruined any man for you. You can’t imagine talking to another guy, now—not for a while, anyway.
“I’m not in love with him either. I don’t know how I feel now,” you answer honestly.
You get another cryptic hum from Chaewon at that. “I think you should see Soobin tomorrow and see if that clears things up.”
Tomorrow? That’s so soon. You need time to recover from today. The thought of meeting up with Soobin fills you with some sort of dread and fear.
“I don’t know if I can ever see him again,” you admit.
It’s too late for you to come back from this. The damage is irreparable. Beomgyu has carved his name into you, and you can scratch it away all you want, but the slate will never be clean again. You’ll always be marred.
“See him one more time,” Chaewon insists. “Don’t give up yet.” You feel a little bit of life leave you as you sigh. You’re not the fighter that Chaewon wants you to be. You’ve tried so hard, but it never worked.
She puts a hand on your shoulder and continues, “Text him. Ask him to go out with you tomorrow. You can still make this work.” She picks up your phone and puts it in your hand.
You look into her eyes. She has enough hope in them to encourage you to unlock your phone and go to Soobin’s messages. You stare at your texts from earlier, regretting how you didn’t just accept his offer to hang out. You wonder how differently your day would have gone.
You take a deep breath and look at Chaewon for reassurance. Her smile gives you the courage to send something over.
If you’re free tomorrow, I’d love to go out
You doubt he’s awake right now since it’s so late, but you’ll settle with seeing his response in the morning. Chaewon encourages you to get some rest, and you think half of the reason is because she’s tired too, but you don’t argue. If you’re seeing Soobin tomorrow, you’ll need as much rest as you can get tonight. You’ll sleep away the pain and open your heart up to whatever comes with Soobin tomorrow.
──── ──── ──── ──── ────
You do your best to not think about Beomgyu at all as soon as you meet up with Soobin. You want to enjoy your day, and you’ll be damned if you don’t at least try. You’ve put up with so much, you need a break. A day out with Soobin could offer you that solace.
It’s colder by the lake that you walk along the edge of, but the sight is so nice that you don’t mind it. Being outside is helping you feel better, too. The lake is still mostly ice, with fresh snow piled on top of it.
“I’m glad we get to spend time together today,” Soobin says, walking slower until he comes to a stop. He looks angelic even with his nose red from the cold.
“Me too,” you say. “I’m sorry it’s been so long.”
“It’s okay, I’m sure you were busy.” You can’t look him in the eye when he says that, it hurts too much. You weren’t nearly as busy as he thinks you were. Your mind was preoccupied with someone else.
“How has work been?” You almost cringe at how surface level the question feels. You’ve been past the small talk stage for a while now, but you’re having trouble thinking of what else to talk about. It’s not like you can talk about your own life as of recent.
“It’s been okay. I miss you sometimes when I’m working in the library,” he says. Your heart should flutter at that. You should feel weak in the knees and butterflies in your stomach. Instead, you feel something inside you shrivel up. You push past the feeling, still determined to try to save this.
“I wish I went over more.” You wish you did a lot of things different.
“You still can,” he says, hopeful. You pray that he’s oblivious to your uncertainty. You smile at him, hoping it doesn’t look as forced as it feels.
“I can,” you agree. A beat of silence follows. You look out to the frozen lake. In the summer, this place is alive with the sound of birds chirping and people laughing. It’s quite different now. You look at the barren trees and strain your ears for any noise.
You don’t usually hate winter, but this year it feels eternal. You’re dying for the snow to start melting and to feel the sun again. The sight of flowers in bloom, of leaves returning to trees, is something you find yourself craving more than ever.
“Do you like the snow?” you ask, turning to Soobin.
“I love it. It makes everything look brighter.” You nod, looking back out to the world. The sunlight reflects off the stretch of snow, and you suppose it does look brighter like this. A gust of wind sends snow blowing at the two of you. You flinch, and he laughs.
“Have you ever gone skiing?” he asks.
You shake your head. “I went snowboarding with Beomgyu once, but I hated it. I had so many bruises the next day.” You laugh a little at the memory.
“I’ve been waiting to hear that,” Soobin says. You look at him in confusion. “Your laugh,” he clarifies.
“Oh.” You feel your face heat up.
“I love skiing, even though I’m not great at it. You should try. I know a great place. We can fall and get matching bruises,” he says, grinning. It puts a smile on your face, and you don’t have to force it this time.
“I don’t know if I can take up that offer,” you say.
Soobin nods. “That’s okay.”
It goes quiet again after that. Silence doesn’t bother you normally, but it feels deeper than usual when there’s nothing going on around you. You sway on your feet, kicking awkwardly at the snow.
“Are you alright? You’re never this quiet,” Soobin notes. You sigh. You couldn’t even begin to explain how you feel to him.
“I don’t know. I’m sorry I’m such a bore today,” you apologize, wanting to shrink into yourself.
“I’m never bored of you. Tell me what’s going on,” he prompts, looking at you attentively. You’re flattered at how he shows his care for you.
You stare at him for a long second, wondering how much would be acceptable to spill. “It’s just Beomgyu.”
Soobin laughs for a second at that. “That’s not the first time I heard that sentence.” He doesn’t look upset or bitter, but it still makes you feel bad. Even if he’s joking, it’s true that you keep bringing Beomgyu up around him.
“I don’t know what to do about him anymore.” You wish you had the guts to say more, but you’re a coward.
Soobin takes a while to respond to that, so long that you think he might just drop the conversation. His smile has shrunk, and you fear that he’s finally putting the pieces together. “You do what feels right,” he advises.
You swallow, trying to calm your nerves. “How do I know what’s right?” Your brows are upturned, lips pouted as you struggle to draw a conclusion. His eyes trail down your face like he’s assessing you.
“Your heart will tell you.” He has no clue the torment your heart’s been through. The poor thing is too weak to make any decisions. Following it will lead you nowhere.
You shake your head. “No it won’t.”
He sighs, and that’s when you know he’s caught onto your dilemma. “You already know what your heart wants. You’re just ignoring it.”
His words strike you with panic. You search his eyes to try to find the answer he’s come to. “What do you mean?” you ask.
“I just feel like…” Soobin starts. You hang onto his words as he struggles to finish his thought. “You’re always thinking of him.”
Your heart sinks. It feels like the world has gone weak, and everything around you is ready to collapse. Can you even deny what he said? You open your mouth to try, but any noise struggles to come out.
“So, can I ask you something?” he continues.
You nod. This moment feels so delicate and fragile, you’re scared of breaking it. Your voice comes out in a whisper when you respond, “Yes.”
“Did you like me at all?” His eyes dart between yours.
You hate this so much. You can’t protect your pride. Guilt spills out from the pit of your stomach and sickens you. Have you turned into something vile? Have you hurt Soobin so much?
“Of course I did. You’re wonderful,” you answer honestly. He wipes a tear from your cheek when it falls from your eye.
“And now?” He keeps his hand on your face. You can't stand his kindness. The knife twists further.
“I don’t know. Beomgyu—he…” You don’t even know where to go with that sentence.
“He fell for you?” he fills in. “I can see why.” He brushes your hair back. Even now, his smile is pure and soft.
“Soobin…” You’re stuck with the most impossible dilemma. A selfish part of you begs to keep Soobin around. The butterflies he summons still come back to life at times like these. You’ll never have to question his sanity. What bloomed between you was innocent and untarnished until Beomgyu dug his claws into you.
The other half of you tells you to stop torturing everyone. Yourself, Soobin, Beomgyu—you all suffer the longer you remain on the fence. You can’t have both men in your life, and you know that you’re not going to give up Beomgyu so easily. You just wish you could figure something out.
“I know your choice,” he says, breaking you out of your thoughts. How? How can he know so clearly when not even you do?
He takes your hand and brings it to his lips. The most gentle kiss you’ve ever felt is placed delicately onto it. You blink up at him. It’s almost like you can already see him flickering away.
He’s letting you go.
You feel the moment melting. You feel the world slowly coming back to life around you, and you want to ask it for one more minute. One more minute, where you and Soobin can be the only two people that exist. He’s putting your hand down, he’s releasing his hold, he’s getting ready to go. You know better than to cry and beg for him now. This is what has to happen.
“Do you know your way home from here?” he asks.
You’re crushed, but you don’t show it. “Yes.”
He steps back. “I’m glad I knew you. You’re the best thing this city has to offer.”
“That’s not true.” There is nothing more cursed in this city than you.
He smiles at you. It’s the last time you’ll ever see it. “It is. I hope he helps you see that.”
That’s the last thing he says to you before he leaves for good. You watch him walk away. Your feet don’t itch to run for him. Your hands don’t yearn to tug him back. The only thing you want now is to see your best friend.
──── ──── ──── ──── ────
You try to control the way your body shakes as you stand in front of the door. You need to get yourself together. You steady your breathing. Your fist meets the door to knock on it gently, like you’re unsure if you actually want to go in or not.
You’re glad you ran out of tears already. It would be quite embarrassing for Chaewon to open the door to you crying for the second day in a row.
She assesses you with a frown. “It didn’t go well, did it?”
There’s no need to sugar coat it. “It’s over.”
Chaewon’s lips part in surprise. She’s quiet, and for the first time, it seems like she doesn’t know what to say. You walk to her room without a word, and she follows just as silently. You take your usual spots on her bed, and you try to make yourself feel something. You just come up empty.
“Are you okay?” Chaewon asks, breaking the silence hesitantly.
“I guess,” you answer. You didn’t expect Soobin to let you go. Selfishly, you thought he would never leave you. Chaewon sighs heavily, but you don’t dare to look at her right now. Whether it’s disappointment or sadness on her face, you don’t want to know.
Karma must be real. This was always bound to happen, you realize. This is some cosmic joke, some lesson from the universe to tell you what happens when you let control slip out of your hands. You dug your own grave. Soobin was always going to leave you.
A pang in your chest strikes you when you think of the beginning. Soobin’s shy introduction at the library, his giggles at your flirtations, his eagerness to keep you talking. Everything was so light and easy. You could’ve sworn there was an invisible string connecting you.
“I’m sorry. It’s killing me that I can’t do anything for you,” Chaewon says, and you finally look at her. Her eyes are brimming with tears, lips quivering in an effort to not cry. You frown and hold her hand.
“You’ve done everything for me,” you correct. If it weren’t for all her talks with you in the past couple months, you would have gone crazy long ago. You’d be caught between Beomgyu’s teeth. Now you’re here, sulking over Soobin with her, instead of going home to your other best friend. “You helped me more than you think.”
Chaewon gives you a small smile as a tear falls from her eye. Her hand squeezes yours, and it makes you genuinely smile for a second. “I’m always here for you,” she says.
“Same here, for anything.” She scooches closer to you, and you rest your head on her shoulder.
“How are you feeling?” You ponder her question for a minute, trying to match a label to your inner turmoil.
You sigh, “Numb.”
She hums. “What are you thinking about?” That question brings the pang in your chest back. You can do nothing but succumb to the defeat and hopelessness of it all.
“We never even kissed.” You stare into nothingness as you meddle with the fact. It’s a stupid thing to be upset about, but you feel like you had your one shot at romance ripped away from you. Who can you blame besides yourself?
You could’ve had innocent, pure love. You could’ve had sweet kisses and interlocked hands and a hundred cute little dates, but you traded it all for anger-laced intimacy, endless confusion, and nights ending in tears. You’re a fool.
Chaewon looks at you with such pity that it makes your stomach twist. You must seem so pathetic right now. A part of you wishes you’d run off to Beomgyu instead. He would’ve pampered you, made you forget about Soobin if only for a moment. You know you were right to see Chaewon instead, though. You’ve made enough dumb decisions with your life. You’re sick of destroying everything because you can’t let go of Beomgyu.
Chaewon seems to be thinking the same thing. “I can’t stop thinking about where you’d be now if Beomgyu never brought himself into this.”
You tighten your lips, not knowing what to say. You don’t want to think about it at all. “Yeah.”
She turns to you fully, looking more serious now. “You’re not going back to Beomgyu again. Don’t let him get away with this,” she says.
It’s not that easy. What does she expect you to do instead? Ignore him, drop him now that it’s already too late? You’d gain nothing from that at this point.
“It’s useless,” you say. She takes both your hands in hers, holding them over her heart and looking into your eyes.
“I care about you too much to watch you spiral like this. Stay with me. I’ll help you bring your things here.” She looks at you with pleading eyes. Your heartbeat races. The choice is yours.
“I can’t burden you like that,” you say, shaking your head.
“It would burden me more to know you’re letting Beomgyu win again,” she insists. You exhale shakily, trying to stop your thoughts from flying by so fast. You need a clearer mind to be able to make this decision.
“I need to think about it.” Chaewon nods, always understanding of you.
“Just let me know. I promise I’ll be there in a heartbeat.” You feel like you owe this girl the world.
You look out the window, noticing how dark it is. You would stay over her house again, but something inside you urges you to go home. You shift on the bed, stretching as you get ready to stand up again.
“I think I’m gonna head home now,” you say, and you see her eyebrows knit in confusion immediately. You know what she’s thinking. “It’s not for Beomgyu. It’s for me.”
She still looks uneasy, but she doesn’t put up a fight. You’re glad she saves her lectures on Beomgyu this once. She gives you a parting hug.
“Think about my offer,” she says as you pull away. Her eyes are hopeful, like she’s counting on you for this one thing.
“I will,” you promise.
──── ──── ──── ──── ────
The moment you get home, you take yourself straight to Beomgyu’s room. It’s late, and you know he must be sleeping, but you don’t want to feel alone for even a second. You don’t want to think about Soobin.
Beomgyu’s room is slightly illuminated by the glow of his gaming setup. He looks so peaceful laying in his bed. His chest rises and falls in a perfect rhythm, and you find yourself calming down. You stand there in the doorway for a minute, debating whether or not it was too far to go and wrap your arms around him.
He stirs in his sleep. Perhaps he felt your presence—you wouldn’t doubt it at this point. The boy has always seemed to have a sixth sense when it came to you.
“Gyu?” you whisper, testing if he’s waking up or not. His eyes flutter open, so slightly and sleepily that you barely see it. When he notices you standing at his door, he shifts on the bed to make room for you. He pats the spot next to him on the mattress, and your body responds to his call immediately. It seems the magnets attracting you together have never left.
You settle in beside him, cozying up to his warmth. Your eyes are unblinking as they stare at his ceiling. You barely feel like you’re in your own body as Beomgyu tucks you into his side. You only sort of register it as the weight of his arm falls across your waist.
“You came back,” Beomgyu says, voice scratchy and deep from sleep.
“You knew I would.” He doesn’t respond. He knows it’s true.
His breathing is starting to grow slower again, and your heart pounds in unease. You won’t be able to fall asleep. You don’t want him to leave you in the real world right now.
“Beomgyu,” you say in a quiet voice. He hums in response, and you feel the vibration of it in your bones. “I ended things with Soobin.”
He freezes. You don’t even feel him breathe anymore. You keep your gaze off of him; if he’s happy, you don’t want to see it. He tries to sit up, but you coax him back down. You don’t want to be up right now.
You continue, “Or, I guess, he ended things with me.”
His silence would irritate you if you didn’t feel so numb. You focus on your breathing, still staring at the ceiling. You feel weightless, like your body could break from the slightest shove.
Finally, he moves beside you. It’s just a turn of his head, but it’s enough to make you feel a little less stiff. You feel his eyes on you, but you can’t be bothered to meet them.
“Well, I’m not gonna say I’m sorry…” he says. You don’t need to look at him to know that he’s smiling.
“I know. Cause you’re an asshole.”
“But I’m not a liar.”
“Sometimes I wish you were,” you sigh. Your life might’ve been easier in that case.
He ignores that. “I’m here for you. Whatever you want, whatever you miss from him, I’m here.”
You don’t need that. You just need a cork in your chest to fill the space your heart has leapt from. His bandages will never stop the bleeding when it’s this profuse.
“I think you were right, I don’t know if this city’s right for me,” you admit quietly, resting your head on his chest. You hope the world is kind enough to let you find sleep tonight. His response comes in the form of hugging you closer to his body. You let it happen, soaking in all his warmth and comfort. This might be the last time you see him, after all.
──── ──── ──── ──── ────
You don’t say goodbye. You pack a couple bags while Beomgyu’s not home, doing your best to ignore your blurred vision from the tears welling in your eyes. Chaewon greets you with open arms when you arrive at her place.
“Just these?” Chaewon asks, picking up your bags.
“Yeah, I didn’t grab everything. I left most of my stuff there,” you explain, voice hoarse from your crying earlier.
“That’s okay.” She brings your bags to her work room, which she promised to repurpose for you as your own room. You tried saying that you could crash on her couch for now, but she insisted that she’d do this for you, even if it’s just for a couple weeks.
The room is mostly empty—Chaewon must’ve been up all night clearing it out—save for her desk in the corner. You’re reminded of when you moved into your apartment with Beomgyu. The thrill of independence, of being a young adult in a new corner of the world. Everything was exciting and new back then, and you miss the innocence that came with it.
“My friend has a twin size mattress that he’s bringing over later today, we can find a frame for that at some furniture store,” Chaewon says.
“Oh my gosh, your friend doesn’t have to do that!” you exclaim. You already feel yourself becoming a burden. “An air mattress is fine.”
“Stop, I’m probably doing him a favor helping him get rid of it. I’m not making you sleep on an air mattress, those things suck.”
“We shouldn’t buy a bed frame yet, I don’t know how long I’ll be here,” you reason, but Chaewon’s not hearing it, shaking her head and dismissing the thought with a wave of her hand.
“We can just get something cheap. I know a really good place. I got mine there for, like, three hundred.” Your eyes widen. You can’t control your natural reaction to a great bargain. “Yeah, I know. So let’s go there.”
The rest of the day goes by in a blur of setting the bed frame up, putting half of your things away, and chatting with Chaewon about how nervous you are about this.
The two of you are cramped into your twin bed, talking the night away like it was any normal sleepover. Chaewon gave you one of her LED lamps, and its multicolored glow is the only source of light in the room. You lean into her, and she lets you practically use her as a pillow.
“Did you tell Beomgyu?” she asks. Her fingers run through your hair calmingly.
“No.” You don’t know if you should feel bad for that. He is your best friend...
“You don’t have to,” she reassures. “You should mute his number. He’s going to find out fast and bug you nonstop.”
Your eyes well up once again. You would have never, ever imagined your friendship with Beomgyu would come to this. Is it for the better? You’ll hate yourself forever if this is the wrong choice. If only you could see into the future. That would have saved you a lot of trouble long ago.
“He’ll know I came to you. He knows exactly where to show up,” you say.
“He could knock on my door all damn day if he wants, he’s not coming in.”
“With how he is, I wouldn’t be surprised if he brought a blanket and started sleeping at your door,” you joke. Your laughter is quick to turn to tears, and you don’t even know why. You wipe your eyes, not wanting to cry again, but you can’t help the loss you feel. Beomgyu’s your best friend. You just wish it could’ve stayed that way.
“It’s okay,” Chaewon comforts.
“No, I don’t want to cry,” you say, sniffling back the rest of your tears. “Let’s just watch videos and fall asleep.”
Chaewon leans over to pick up her tablet at the end of your bed, unlocking it to resume the movie you were playing in the background earlier. “Do you still want to watch this?” she asks.
“We should put on YouTube,” you offer instead. You yawn, closing your eyes as she looks for something interesting to put on. You’re already asleep by the time she makes her choice.
──── ──── ──── ──── ────
The first thing you see after waking up is Beomgyu’s texts. Chaewon would tell you to ignore him, but she’s sleeping soundly next to you and therefore can’t judge you for opening his texts immediately.
[Beomgyu] u out for the night?
[Beomgyu] helloooooo
[Beomgyu] ok well make sure u get to work on time
You should be getting ready for work. You shouldn’t be answering him. You don’t even know what to say, but your fingers itch to respond.
He still doesn’t know you won’t be coming back for a bit. Should you keep it that way? An ache in your heart begs you to spill everything to him. You look at Chaewon again, making sure she’s asleep. You look back to your phone with a sigh and let your fingers fly across the keyboard without a second thought.
You don’t reread the text once you send it. The only move you make afterwards is to mute his notifications. Something about it makes you feel so empty. You don’t know if you feel like a whole new person or the shell of a person. You don’t have time to linger on it either, because you have to get ready for work.
The feeling persists throughout the day. You feel like a robot, like you’re living life on autopilot, letting your body carry you around while your soul is busy searching for the important answers. You don’t care which font your boss would like best for the title on this report, you don’t care what kind of smoothie your coworker should get. You want to know how to fix your life.
Your walk back from work is much stranger now that you can’t take the path your feet have memorized so well. The thought that this could be the path you’d walk to walk everyday for weeks or even months strikes you with a sort of dismal feeling. This feels different than going to Chaewon’s place after work just to hang out. This is going to Chaewon’s place because that’s where you have to go.
You’re not granted reprieve from the whirlwind of thoughts as you make your way home to Chaewon. You question every choice you’ve made up to this point, all the way back to if moving here with Beomgyu was ever a good idea in the first place.
Is there a way to repair all the damage that has been done? The thought of starting all over again is frightening. If you ruined it all, if there’s no going back to how things were, then you might as well make a life for yourself somewhere new.
Maybe you could convince Chaewon to fly across the country with you. You picture a life where you don’t have to worry about bumping into Beomgyu or Soobin again. It both frightens and intrigues you. You can’t be so greedy, though; she has everything set out for her here. You can’t rip her away from the city that loves her so much. You just wish it was as good to you.
The possibilities of what could have been haunt you. You look at passing couples with a sense of envy, picturing you and Soobin in their place. Every store you pass, every street you walk down is a memory that you’ve made. It’s almost too much to handle.
Your feet almost stop as you pass the library. You only let your eyes linger on the building for a few seconds, but that’s long enough to make your insides twist. The warm lights that seep through the windows don’t feel comforting to you anymore. You walk a little faster and tug your jacket closer to your body. The trip back to Chaewon’s feels a little colder now.
You open your messages with Beomgyu as you near her place. You don’t know if you should be happy or scared that he still hasn’t responded. You finally allow yourself to read your parting message, feeling a little emptier as the words linger in your mind with nothing back from him.
Hi Gyu, I’m staying with Chaewon for a bit. I’ll come back if and when I’m ready. I really regret a lot of my recent decisions, and I think I just needed this as a refresh.
Don’t be mad at me. You’ll always be my best friend. Love ya
You swallow down the knot building in your throat. This is for the better. You repeat the phrase like a mantra as you make it to Chaewon’s house. You wonder when her place will start feeling enough like home, when you’ll stop craving to return to your real one. You open the door and shove down all your thoughts and feelings.
This is for the better.
notes: sorry team soobin. sorry team beomgyu. no one wins... and maybe that's what needed to happen... much love and i hope you enjoyed the read!!!
taglist: @beomgyusluver @blankliving @ewsnup @flowzel @immelissaaa @multistansimp4life @nanamongmong
© delugyu 2025, do not translate or reupload
156 notes
·
View notes
Text
Moving to college tmr guys …………
(Special shout out to tumblr user lotus pear who dropped by at my place to wish me off and then nearly killed off my entire team in persona 4)
#is it normal to have all this stuff 😭😭😭#bro my roommate was so nice she gave me a whole dorm tour and ever#ything#sorry it cut off#this WILL NOT be like highschool#I WILL socialize this time and make friends (trust)#I’ll never forget the girl who sat next to me in ap lit#and told me she was scared to talk to me for the first few weeks#cause she thought I was mad 😭😭😭😭😭#I WANTED TO LEAVE THE CLASSROOM#praying for good social interactions 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼#haliai rambles
14 notes
·
View notes
Text
Maddie they could never make me hate you but i can't love you either...
#arcane#arcane spoilers#a froggit's ribbits#i knew she was gonna do something fucked up#but not like this 😭#go commit a war crime or something#in fact i'm not even mad at her i'm mad at Caitlyn#cause tell me why when episode 4 started i genuinely thought i missed something#but i know damn well Cait's still down bad for Vi 😭
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
ENIES LOBBY TIME!!!
Sanji's face here.... he Knows he is going to fuck him up
THAT IS SANJI??? 😨
Holding them in my hands again....
Sanji struck a nerve there akdjaoajkq
Increible trio btw.... look at the evidence
............ me next please 🙏🏻
That is love right there I can see it
What if we all killed ourselves (except usopp is telling her the opposite ajahkdhsakjd)
I need sanji to go insane like this more often.... after the timeskip it doesn't happen as much and I love to see him suffering
This is so funny.... there is no denying to her face card
"It's not like she actually wants to die" well yes she does, but no because you know she doesn't really. It is in a quantum state right now
Luffy is such a menace akdhaksjkaak
TELL EM!!!! THAT'S MY GIRL!!!!
Look at franky worrying about robin.... do not fret luffy is coming and he will NOT lose!!!!!
This is zoro remarking how usopps fear of being left behind makes no sense.... this is so good.....
This is so endearing but it also breaks my heart....
Who is that sultry binch... (I don't recall this attack AT ALL and i'm sure we never see it again)
They botched his bbl.... 😔😔😔
Luffy's face here... he was convinced she wanted to go with them but was compelled to do otherwise but no.... he thought wrong and he can't fight to her.... I've just been staring at this page for minutes like damn.
Nevermind.... this is something your mother would say "you want to die??? Just wash the dishes and you can do whatever you want later"
"If you wanna die, or whatever...." this is so good like he knows what he is doing.... he Knows.... look at her face. After knowing how luffy and ace were as kids this just makes more sense (oda didn't think about this i'm sure but damn does it fit) also the slight manipulation.... look at all of us we're already here and look how we all miss you already... you know that post about luffy being selfish but his selfishness is jusg kindness to others... yesh
Thinking about robin's cinderella lifestyle.... why did her mother leave her with that aunt and why didn't some archeologist take her in?? Because she doesn't complain about anything just like she doesn't respond when that mother accused her of hitting her child without reason... that's so fucked
Alright this is funny (and also true)... I'm sorry fellow women....
*Justin Bieber voice* I like your laugh... dereishi shishishi
SHE'S GONNA ASK HER MOM TO TAKE HER TO THE SEA WITH HER??? LIKE SHE DOES AFTER WITH LUFFY??? MY GOD!!! I just bursted into tears like I got punched in the nose I can't keep going ajdhakajk
I lied i can keep going... but head in my hands over this....
Find out how my emotional stability survives this arc in ennies lobby part 2. coming soon
#franky calling sanji brother eyebrows is too good akdbsksnsk also ily franky#captain t bone.... he got killed tecently.... i forgot who he was until now but he actually cared thats so fucked up.... cross guild come o#sanji going against cp9 by himself.... i shant say it... SLAY!!!! also the cook being mad about being pretty cause he has no individuality.#lucci talking about a little girl being born wrong and needing to die for it TO SANJI!!! OOF!!!#the frog stopped rocketman bc he thought they kidnapped kokoro just like they took tom 😭😭😭 this fucking frog always gets me#chapter 377 and franky is in the headline with the strawhats ❤️❤️ they recruit TWO thirty year olds in enies lobby ajdhaksjks#franky biting spandex head.... yeah... and he should do it more why did he stop biting heads... he got domesticated#luffy is such a menace here like damn.... he is charging thru EVERYTHING!! GET THEM BOY!!!!#also franky is so important in giving robin hope here... like she sees him fighting back no matter what and i KNOW that inspires her...#i am going to say it hina fullbody and jango have a challengers thing going on but without hina being involved physically iykwim#when in action panels the ink just becomes lines... OOF!!! CHEFS KISS!!! MWAH MWAH#completely forgot gear 2 used the shave technique.... thats so cool..... also iron body must be haki then... and finger pistol#i dont think i can do this... after this ends we got thriller bark and then marineford starts building up...#i can endure water 7 sad moments bc everything ends up well in the end but what am i gonna do with marineford.... my god#also dr clover and dr hyruluk and crocus all have smilar plant based hair designs is that bc they are doctors or just coincidence#also robins father is dead and for sure another archeologist or similar.... thats inch resting....#which also like damn olvia and dragon had to make the same choices with their children i am sure. thats so fucked. dragon backstory when#clover knew the name of the fallen kingdom (robonosuke lore??) and also olvia knew some important information the gov didnt know... ✍️✍️✍️#SAKAZUKI SHOT THE EVACUATION SHIP???? HELLO??? I DIDNT REMEMBER IT WAS HIM!! (also olvia knew where saul was)#kuzan is sick in the head... he can't bring himsef to kill child robin but he will kill her as an adult... also his beef with akainu is OLD#like no wonder she was terrified when she saw him again. he said live like a recluse or i will end you and she fucking did. THE bogeyman#there are comments saying they hate akainu and he has just appeared 😭😭 JUST FUCKING WAIT#you guys think when luffy realised robin's enemy was the world gov he also realised it was sabo's enemy too.... bc as a child he didn't kno#also pluton was made as a countermeasure for the weapon robin could reactivate... could that be the one that was used in lulusia??#bc i thought that weapon was pluton but if pluton is just blueprints.... this makes more sense... which could also mean the ancient weapons#are a countermeasure for weapons the government already has. and thats why they're hunting them down. to have no opposition#so there must be two sides of the ancient weapons bc they call pluton that but also the unnamed one that robin could activate#so is pluton a countermeasure to uranus (the one used in lulusia i think) but neptune? trios dont make sene but a trio and their opposite d#reading one piece#enies lobby
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
I had a dream last night that I was being chased by αρχικοί χρόνοι/ancient greek verbs and I was running through the forest at 11:22 pm because I was writing a test on Antigone (THATS LAST YEAR'S CLASS) and I was late cause the test started at 11:00 pm and then I woke up because I run out of breath cause I couldn't run that fast and it was like 6 in the morning and I was already full of anxiety
#OUF#my mom wouldn't drive me to class cause she was half sleeping or something#and i was mad and as i was running through the forest i was talking to her on the phone like i hate you why would you do this or something#and crying and i reached my teacher's home at some point but that was the wrong place and i had to run again and go to the actual class#but i woke up then#now that i think about it i think i was running on the middle of the street (in the forest) and kinda was in danger of dying cause of cars#but there weren't any cars but i still hoped some car would hit me. or feared. im not really sure at this point#also why the fuxk was i in the forest? the closest forest is like in a completely different direction than the one i need to go to class😭#also supposedly in the dream my teacher's house was far from the class and that why i messed up#but in reality its the same building 😭and you reach the class first cause its in the street and her house is behind the class#oof#sugarenia talks#sugarenia thoughts#sugarenia dreams#sugarenia school stuff#tagging this as school stuff cause its panelele's fault i saw it
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
I do think about all the times people have probably had crushes on me and never told me and then they got over it because I'm not a telepath and I don't know what theyre thinking. I say this because I am like that too
#like i rlly do think that guy had a crush on me at one point he would always talk to me on the side and ask to hang out 😭😭#that stupid 'cool gf who was ur friend' meme i literally thought he was talking about somebody else#until i showed my friend and she was like um i think he liked you because which dude is gonna send u a random#girlfriend meme.... im not mad tho cause hes now a pretentious film school boy. he was already a annoying fashion boy before that#thats why we were friends cause we would talk abt clothes alot. and i put him on alot of stuff idk
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
just so you know I’m not beyond deleting my entire blog if the response isn’t favourable
#Silly ? PERHAPS#STUPID ? OBVIOUSLY#but as dahlia enlightened me in 2022- early 2023 my mood depends on others esp the ones I’m platonically in love with so !!!!!#Of course I’d delete my whole blog if she responds weirdly#Cause I genuinely feel like I’ve lost my ability to comprehend situations I feel dumb I need someone to read what ever I send to her THIS I#HORRID !!! SAVE ME 😭#Anyways H O T T O GO !!!! YOU CAN TAKE IT HOT TO GO !!!#GUYS AM I COOKED I TOLD HER I THOUGHT SHE WAS MAD AT ME AND I SAIF I MISSED HER THIS IS NOT NOOR BEHAVIOUR#AAAAAAAH#Pls this is atrocious I hate having split thinking I LOVE HER BUT IN THE I HATE YOU WAY AND IM BEING SRS NOT THE JOKING ALHAITJAM WAY NAURR#ITS PAINFUL 🧎♀️#Pls girl if I wake up and I don’t have a response I might just at home K O My self (jokes(maybe))#I’m literally revisiting the kaveh train wreck situation FOR HER AND PRETENDINF I LIKE HIM CAUSE SHE MENTIONED SOMETHING ABOUT HIM THIS IS#HORRID (x2) SEE WHAT I MEAN WHRN I SAY MY MOOD CHANGES FOR HER ??? I think everyone has to drag me away from every 23 yr old they’re bad fo#My health#;-;
0 notes
Text
like that pairing is so bad to me it is not even funny
im actually so sad about walking out of that show not really liking the canon lesbian relationship....like....i love women y'all....
#i havent been able to stop thinking about it all day.#'we won! endgame!' no the fuck we didnt 😭#i was praying on this relationships downfall if im gonna be completely honest (rattling bars) I JUST DONT UNDERSTANDDDGDRGFRGR#now im gonna be pacing around talking to myself in my room for the next 3 days mad abt this#a great show is great but a show that with untapped potential will always have you thinking? yeah man yeah#arcane spoilers#ur sisters gonna kill herself and youre having SEX in her JAIL CELL !?#i really am hooked up on that im sorry 😭 like i cannot believe that was a series of events they came up with#i dont think i was ever gonna like a character whose whole life was basically shaped by an instance of police brutality. poverty.#a class divide getting together with someone who came from the same world and held the same ideas that caused that for her.#esp after what cait did in s2. the choices vi made didnt feel right to her character for me i guess and it felt like who she was kinda got#pushed aside for this relationship to be able to work out. idk maybe ill rewatch s1+2 together and see if im just bitchin for no reason and#am wrong about everything shrug#it made her feel nonsensically dumb if that makes sense. i can't gather my thoughts abt it or get the right words rn its late im tired 😭
110 notes
·
View notes
Text
˗ˏˋ꒰ 🥥 ꒱ TWO WHEEL DRIVE: CROSSWALK COLLISION ( lando norris. )
lando norris x biker!reader
it's race week in miami, but instead of being on four wheels, lando has some two wheel trouble. he feels bad enough to where he turns to twitter to help find the girl he nearly caused a collision with.
authors note: I love bikers so I had to do this (and I know that lando didn't help oscar win his sprint, but she doesn't know that! yet!!!) second and third part will be out in the next few days or so!
2 3
ynusername
liked by yourbsf and 2,947 others
ynusername sunset ride and almost hitting a guy on the crosswalk core!! 🤗🤗🤗
view all 96 comments
yourbsf always so fun to ride with you 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼 maybe next time don't almost hit a pedestrian? 😅
user this is the girl lando was looking for?! SHES STUNNING
⤷ ynusername who's lando? 😅 and thanks babes 🫶🏼🫶🏼
⤷ user oh lando? we go way back, he helped rescue my cat from a tree!
⤷ user yeah, he's a real one, he gave cpr to my goldfish after it flopped onto the carpet 🤗🤗🤗
user hello??? SHES SUCH A BADDIE
user thanking lando for helping us discover this gorgeous woman
⤷ user right like maybe she did us a favor by almost running him over...
user the internet becoming his wingman so he doesn't fumble this baddie 😭😭
⤷ user lando norriz and nowins better prove one of those statements wrong soon 🙌
user nahhh because what's wrong with her?? nearly running him over and then posting with a stupid caption about it?? 🙄🙄🙄
⤷ user this girl clearly doesn't understand who he is 🫣
user i need to see lando on a bike, he'd rock that shit
ynusername
liked by landonorris and 6,037 others
ynusername safe to say i won't be falling asleep tonight 🫶🏻
view all 174 comments
user HELLO??? IS THAT LANDO
user OH MY GOD
user bro's doing charity work out here
user LANDO NORIZZ HAS RIZZ?? (he rescued my entire family from a house fire)
user please LET THAT BE LANDO
yourbsf i thought i was your backpack 😕
⤷ ynusername you are bbg i just gave a man a short ride
⤷ yourbsf uh huh 🤨
user lando backpack confirmed
user lando actually rescued me from a desert island on his multi-million dollar yacht!
landonorris pretty sunset
❤️ by author
user im gonna faint, lando commented
user EVERYBODY STAY CALM!!!
oscarpiastri lando actually helped me win a sprint race
user she's clearly just using him
⤷ user stay mad
landonorris
liked by ynusername and 807,438 others
landonorris i think two wheels suits me
view all 6,273 comments
user omg that's the same sunset in ynusername's post??
user lando on a bike? YES PLEASE!!!
user i can barely handle him with four wheels, i don't know about two!!!
user oh my god the second picture is goals
ynusername what a cute cat! 😊
⤷ landonorris not as cute as you
user im not the only one who saw that comment from lando right?
⤷ user no i definitely saw that
user HE HAS RIZZ I FEAR!!
user i know my goat
user backpack lando has too much power
⤷ user lando anywhere near a bike has too much power
ynusername
liked by mclaren and 50,974 others
ynusername sorry i had plans <3
tagged alexandrasaintmleux, iamrebbecad, mclaren, landonorris
view all 1037 comments
user oh my GOD SHE WAS AT THE RACE?
⤷ user i bet lando asked mclaren to invite her 🥺
landonorris thank you for coming to support me on four wheels this time!
⤷ ynusername of course, i had so much fun and you deserve it so much! 🫶🏻
⤷ user smooth lando, smooth
⤷ user on four wheels this time...THIS TIME?!
user stop she was there supporting lando MY HEART
⤷ user i can't take it I LOVE THEM
alexandrasaintmleux so amazing to see you darling 🌺 can't wait to see you again
⤷ ynusername i had such an amazing time, i love you so much 🥹 i'll be waiting impatiently
user stop the other wags interacting with our new (potential) wag
user i need to see her with all the other wags now
⤷ user it's a must
iamrebeccad a pleasure to meet you! you looked absolutely stunning and i look forward to hanging out again!
⤷ ynusername i love you so much, you are drop-dead gorgeous! i would love to hang out again soon 🫶🏻
user the way everyone loves her
⤷ user i mean, can you blame them? she's a hot, incredibly stunning and badass biker who's insanely sweet and kind! who wouldn't love her?!
⤷ user i don't blame them, i fear i would gravitate towards her like a magnet if i ever met her 🥲
mclaren lovely having you at the hospitality! should keep you around if it means our drivers will win 😉
⤷ ynusername thank you for giving me this amazing experience and opportunity! i'd love to do it again sometime 🫶🏻
user MCLAREN'S COMMENT??
⤷ user please let this be a sign
⤷ user mclaren please we need to see them again
user they need to be together
⤷ user as much as i would love to see them together, she lives in miami and he's leaving 😭
⤷ user no shush i'm manifesting
⤷ user okay real i'm right there beside you
landonorris
liked by ynusername and 1,028,202
landonorris nowins and norizz? okay lol
view all 9,263 comments
user HELLO SOFT LAUNCH!!
⤷ user soft launch, but we already know its them
⤷ user let them have their fun!
user bro really said lol
user lando has a win and rizz??? is the world okay???
ynusername so proud of you! you deserve it 🫶🏻
⤷ landonorris i won because you were watching
⤷ user lando said "this one's for you" and SCORED
oscarpiastri congrats on the win mate
⤷ landonorris thanks osc!
user LANDO CALLING OSCAR 'OSC' MAKES IT EVEN BETTER
—
taglist (found here): @poppyflower-22 @sapphiccloud @darleneslane @decafmickey @slut4lrh @kaa12 @taylorslovesswifties13 @sbella13 @nhlfs @beskardroids @hiireadstuff @lorenica @delululeclerc @c-losur3 @casperlikej @soamericn @tellybearyyyy @geniusalpaca @namgification
proofread by @foreveralbon <333
#formula 1#formula 1 drivers#formula one#f1 fic#f1 fanfic#f1 imagine#f1 x reader#formula 1 imagine#lando norris#lando#formula 1 2024#lando norris fanfic#lando norris x reader#lando x y/n#lando norris imagine#lando x you#lando x reader#lando imagine#ln4 fluff#ln4 imagine#ln4 fic#ln4#ln4 x reader#ln4 x y/n#ln4 x you#lando norris x you#lando norris x y/n#lando norris fluff#lando norris angst
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
is it over now? | carlos sainz
pairing: singer!reader x carlos sainz
summary: you decide to release a breakup song on your ex boyfriend’s birthday, one year after the break up
fc: riley keough
warning: some grammatical errors in the tweets that i was too lazy to fix sorryyy
a/n: me??? writing a carlos fic??? the stars must’ve aligned
—
liked by ynupdates, f1wags and others
f1gossip it’s been officially one year since carlos sainz and y/n y/l/n broke up
view all comments
username it’s been a year already?? 🤯
username nooo don’t bring the memories back 😭
username i’m never getting over this breakup :( they were so meant for each other
username i have no perception of time why did i thought they broke up like a month ago?
username and not one single breakup song from y/n…
username no i’m waiting for the album
username we really are delusional huh
liked by landonorris, taylorswift and others
yourusername my favorite type of night 🖤🥁🎤
view all comments
username MOTHER
username best concert eveeeer
username and you know the one about releasing the album ???
username what a WOMAN ugh
username i don’t understand you carlos sainz
username how did he fumbled so hard 😭
username the aesthetic is everything
username so beautiful so gorgeous so ethereal
liked by f1wags and others
f1gossip carlos sainz was spotted with a new date at the monte-carlo opens
view all comments
username uhhh ….
username i wish i could say “that quick?” but to be fair it’s been a year
username bestie weren’t you there after they broke up?
username he literally went on a date five minutes after they ended things 😭
username and he told you that personally?
username so it’s really over with y/n huh
username i mean … yeah!
username noooo lord please bring back the family as we know it (carlos and y/n)
username this is the worst type of news i could’ve got
liked by alexandrasaintmleux, francisca.cgomes and others
yourusername i hope you’re in the mood for new music … because my new single “is it over now?” drops today at midnight 🕊 thank you to my amazing girlfriends for writing this song with me and having the most fun at the studio
view all comments
username now that’s what i’m talking about
username new music at last omg i could cry
username okay but THAT COAT !!!!
username i need her whole wardrobe actually
username girl not on you ex’s BIRTHDAY 🤣
username dare i say … carlos song?
username crossing my fingers
username ohhh she knew what she was doing with this release date
username not only during carlos’s birthday but also right after he was seen on a date with a new girl
username i aspire to be THIS level of petty one day
liked by charles_leclerc, danielricciardo and others
carlossainz55 really great weekend! thanks for the birthday wishes❤️
view all comments
username pookie how are we feeling after y/n’s song?
charles_leclerc happy birthday! wanna get three thousand takeout coffees? (liked by carlossainz55)
username i didn’t wanna get mad cause it’s his birthday but like …. i’m gonna need you to pay for your crimes mate
username no cause the song was crazyyyy
username “you search in every model’s bed for something greater” ma’am ???
username it was the “your new girl is my clone” for me
username “if she’s got blue eyes i will surmise that you’ll probably date her” ….
username carlos just answer the question
liked by reyesvdec, fernandoalo_official and others
yourusername forever in love with this city <3
view all comments
username MADRID 🤍
username my city my city !!!
username reyes liking this 🥹
username that’s her girl fr!
username sooo excited for tonight’s concert
username ahhh can’t wait to see her
username if she sings is it over now? tonight i might actually faint
username imagine her singing this at the city of the guy she wrote it for 😭
username poetic
liked by f1gossip, f1wags and others
ynupdates carlos sainz was in attendance at y/n’s concert tonight in madrid
view all comments
username say again?
username he has two moods only: happy and confused
username what the hell is he doing there 😭😭
username does this means what i think it means ???
username ahhh the second picture is mine! it was so random to see him there haha
username girl if you don’t start talking right now !!!
username was he with his new girlfriend?
username nooo he was with his family only
username you really can’t make this up 😭
username he listened to that song and was ready to risk it all
username who wouldn’t!
liked by carlossainz55, georgerusell63 and others
yourusername one of my favorite cities with one of my favorite crowds 🇪🇸 madrid you never disappoint 🤍
view all comments
username y/n if you’re trying to make me fall in love with you it’s working
username name a more iconic concert quick!
username literally the gold dust woman
username THE OUTFITS THE SETLIST THE LOOKS UGHHH
carmenmmundt 🤍🤍🤍 (liked by yourusername)
username forever obsessed with her aesthetic
username not to start anything but carlos liking this… 👀
username i meaaan the guy was at the concert …
username this night will go down in history
liked by f1wags, ynupdates and others
f1gossip carlos sainz and ex girlfriend y/n y/l/n have been seen together recently in numerous occasions
view all comments
username of course they are going on dates OF COURSE THEY ARE
username and all it took was one year and a single song from y/n
username no bc i’m sure if she released that a year ago they would’ve been together by now
username so it was NOT over gotcha
username are we witnessing the comeback of y/n and carlos in real time?
username god i never ask you much but i’m asking you this one thing
username when ynupdates likes this so you know it’s serious
liked by yourusername, maxverstappen1 and others
carlossainz55 some people have asked me recently if it’s over now? the answer is of course not 😊
view all comments
username “some people” you mean your literal ex-girlfriend ???
username GIRLFRIEND NOW ***
username i can’t with the 😊 he thinks he’s so funny
username idk why they broke up in the first place but if all it took for them to get back together was y/n releasing a song and carlos going to her concert let me tell you …
username i think what really did it for him was the fact that she released it on his birthday 😭
username they’re just obsessed with each other i guess 🤷🏽♀️
yourusername oh i knew it wasn’t! just wanted to know what you thought 😁
carlossainz55 i love you let’s never do that again ❤️
username she’s so real 😭😭
username MY PARENTS BACK TOGETHER AT LAST💖
#carlos sainz#carlos sainz x reader#carlos sainz one shot#carlos sainz imagine#carlos sainz fluff#f1 x reader#f1#formula one#formula one x reader#carlos sainz x y/n#carlos sainz x you#carlos sainz fanfic#riley keough#cs55#smau#carlos sainz smau#f1 smau#formula 1 smau#social media au#singer!reader#singer!reader x carlos sainz#singer reader#singer reader x carlos sainz#taylor swift
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
Gojo as a dad
genre: fluff a/n: not edited. took the idea from some tiktok which I lost and can't find anymore😭 so if you recognise it just drop the link in the comments
“Okay, that’s enough. Time to sleep” You pick up your toddler who’s been hyperactive all night. Maybe it has something to do with the white-haired male sitting on the floor looking up at you with a pout, mimicking his daughter’s expression.
“noo dada” whines Yuki and wriggles in your grasp.
“You know what, I’ll take her”
You raise your eyebrow at Satoru, feeling skeptical.
“You’ll take her to bed? You?”
“Hey, what is that supposed to mean? You’ll come with me right, my princess?” He asks her daughter before pecking her cheek causing her to giggle and nod eagerly.
“See?” Satoru holds out his arms for her and you give up.
“I swear if I hear any of you laughing I’ll be really mad.”
“How mad? the ‘raised eyebrow and grumbling to yourself’ mad or ‘you’ll kick me out of the bedroom’ mad?” You just look at him unimpressed.
“The last one it is,” he says and kisses your head leaving the room with your daughter. You can hear their laughter coming from the hall.
“I have two kids” you mumble and start picking up toys from the floor.
After 20 minutes you sit on the bed with the laptop on your lap and the glasses on, finishing up your work when you hear Satoru’s loud laugh coming closer to the bedroom door. You swear if he wakes Yuki up-
You couldn’t finish the thought when Satoru barged into the room with a very awake Yuki. You look at him incredulously.
“Wait, wait before you start shouting at me,” he says with a wide smile “Look what she learned”
Satoru then makes a bursting bubble noise with his mouth and Yuki with her toothless grin does the same, not quite similar but she’s trying. You have to admit, it is so cute she was trying to copy her dad, but she should be asleep right now. So you recomposed yourself, removing the smile that escaped your lips and glare at your husband.
“Oh, don’t be like that” he whined “She’s adorable”
“Give me my girl” You take her away from pouting Satoru and kiss her cheek “Come on love, let’s get you to bed.”
“But I-”
“You will go downstairs and make me coffee” You grin at him and leave the room.
When Yuki falls asleep you go to the kitchen to find Satoru at the table and he slides a cup of coffee to you when you sit beside him.
“You shouldn’t be drinking coffee this late”
“And you shouldn’t be doing everything I tell you but you still made me coffee”
“What can I say, a man can think he’s the strongest and then he meets his wife” He smirks and you peck his lips.
“How tragic”
“Tragic, indeed” he holds the back of your neck to keep you from moving away and places a kiss on your lips.
“Am I banned from the bedroom?”
You giggle
“No, you’re not. and…” You hesitate and play with the button on his shirt “And since I’m drinking coffee I might not be sleeping for a while… Any ideas on how to pass the time?”
You bat your lashes at him and he grins, leaning down again.
“A lot, darling. A lot” he says against your lips before kissing you.
#gojo fluff#gojo satoru#gojo satoru x reader#jjk x reader#jjk gojo#jjk#satoru gojo#gojo x reader#jujutsu gojo#jjk satoru#gojo satoru x you
599 notes
·
View notes
Note
Hi! I was wondering if you could do the suspect challenge trend with Paige? With how sassy she can be I feel like it would be really funny
tiktok trends with paige ! (pt. 7 )
“suspect is running but bleaches her hair at least twice a month” paige turns around and looks at you, rolling her eyes. “bro.”
“suspect claims she’s a better shooter than me” paige laughs, grinning whenever you steal the phone from her.
“suspect is running but- oh wait. suspect can’t run due to bad knees” you cackle, handing the phone back to her. “bro that was just foul.” she rolled her eyes, trying to think of what to say. “okay, i’m ready”
“suspect wants to drive everywhere but totaled MY car driving to mcdonald’s” you turn and look at her, your cheeks flushing red, “okay- i was drunk-”
“suspect never thinks she’s the problem but causes us to run at practice” paige rolls her eyes, shaking her head. “false accusations-”
“suspect gets mad whenever i wake her up early but gets mad when i wake her up too late” you side eye her, mumbling under your breath.
“suspect has to take a five minute break after she runs because she gets out of breath”
she flips you off, snatching the phone. “suspect is the reason we had media etiquette classes over break because on tiktok live-” you grab the phone from her, “yeah that’s enough of that.”
“suspect has a receding hairline at the age of 23 because she wears the same hairstyle”
“alright, alright, we done.”
“yeah, that’s what i thought.”
“is my hairline really receding though?”
-thank you so much for reading all the way through! click here to see more of this series on my masterlist😚😚
- i love this trend so much hehe. but keep the requests coming!! i am chronically online so i literally know every trend 😭
#paige bueckers#paige bueckers head cannons#paige bueckers x oc#paige bueckers headcannons#paige bueckers fic#paige bueckers x reader#uconn wbb#uconn women’s basketball#tiktok trend with paige#jazzies anons💝#jazzies masterlist#my mutuals 💜
465 notes
·
View notes
Text
LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO
pairing: max verstappen x singer reader
summary: the one where she's gone radio silent, everyone settles down and someone begins to plot revenge
warning: online hate, mentions of cheating
a/n: i thought i should switch between real life and online so i could feed you guys more
face claim: sabrina carpenter
f1 masterlist
main masterilst
series masterlist
y/nsprivate has posted
liked by thatoneartgirlalex, keekslikestospammmm and 18 others
y/nsprivate healing with my girls
tagged: thatoneartgirlalex, keekslikestospamm
thatoneartgirlalex what are friends for???
-> y/nsprivate I THOUGH JUST BEING HOT TBH
keekslikestospammmm and you better get your cute but downstairs cause we're going out
-> y/nsprivate OKAYY GIVE ME TWO SECONDS
leosfather GO QUEEN
-> y/nsprivate alex is training you i see
livbereallydumb SMASH SMASH SMASH
-> y/nsprivate me whenever i see you
itssabrinaaa YOU DON'T NEED NO TINY DICK MAN AND SKANKY FRIEND
-> y/nsprivate 😭😭😭
________________
Y/n felt a small smile creep up across her face as she went to turn off her phone. She looked up at the warm sun which had begun to set, casting a golden glow along the beach infront of her. The peaceful quiet of the beach was a sharp contrast to the chaos and heartache she had left behind. Still, it had been hard to stay in the moment and she often found her mind drifting back to everything that had happened. Something that seemed to play over and over in her head. Although it seemed everyone else had moved on.
She'd barely touched her phone, forced to reinvent herself and tune out what others had kept saying about her. The whispers, the hate and the betrayal had gone with a swipe of her finger. But the sting of it lingered, a wound that refused to heal.
She quickly grabbed her stuff and shoved it in the bag which lay beside her feet as her mind went to the two girls who were currently waiting in the lobby. They had been rocks for her through this whole ordeal. The trip was supposed to be a fresh start for y/n, a place to forget, but somethings weren't so easily buried.
Y/n hadn't been able to fully trust anyone since exbsf had turned her life upside down. The breakup, the voice recording, it was all too perfect.
Revenge is what had kept circling through Y/ns mind over the past few months. A lot of people had hurt her, turned against her, but their was one person specifically that Y/n kept thinking about. Maybe she wasn’t healing just yet. Maybe she was plotting her rise.
y/nsprivate has posted
liked by thatoneartgirlalex, keekslikestospammmm and 18 others
y/nsprivate not even sad anymore guys, just really mad tbh
tagged: thatoneartgirlalex, keekslikestospamm
thatoneartgirlalex AND AS YOU SHOULD YOU CLOCK EM
-> y/nsprivate you know i will
keekslikestospamm NEW SONG YOU BETTER SHOW US SOON
-> y/nsprivate trust me i will
________________
Y/n found her self sitting infront of the piano for the first time since everything had come out. She hadn't wanted to, because that would mean that it was real.
But after pushing from both Alex and Kika, the girl finally felt like she was in a spot were she could poor out her feelings. But something felt different this time, she had never felt this angry before.
She sat at her desk, the sunset infront of her casted a shadow across her face. Her notebook was open, was scribbled sharply expressing her inner turmoil. She tapped her pen on her desk, staring at the page infront of her, one line sticking out specifically.
All I think about is karma.
exbsf & landonorris have posted
liked by landonorris, f1gossip and 1, 432, 749 others
exbsf 6 months with you <3
tagged: landonorris
landonorris my gorgeous girl
-> exbsf your too cute
user1 I CANT BELIEVE THEYVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR 6 MONTHS OMG
user2 parents frfr
liked by creator
user3 pov its been 5 months since y/n disappeared 😭
-> user4 GOOD RIDDANCE
y/nsprivate has posted
liked by thatoneartgirlalex, keekslikestospammmm and 18 others
y/nsprivate smiling more
tagged: thatoneartgirlalex, keekslikestospammmm
thatoneartgirlalex and happy to see it
-> y/nsprivate stop i love you so much
keekslikestospammmm i can still through hands though right?
-> y/nsprivate KEEKS NO
leosfather as your honorary big brother i could not be prouder to see how much you've grown as a person
-> y/nsprivate CHARLIE STOP
livbereallydumb I JUST WANNA GIVE YOU A BIG HUG
-> y/nsprivate you saw me yesterday....
itssabrinaaa livbereallydumb wanna come to portofino with me for no specific reason
-> livbereallydumb already on the flight babes
-> y/nsprivate YOU GUYS BETTER NOT BE KIDDING RIGHT NOW ASSHHH
-> itssabrinaaa SUPRISE
-> livbereallydumb we wanted to make it a bigger thing then realised we dont really know where to go and we dont speak italian
-> itssabrinaaa didnt think that one through 100%
-> y/nsprivate 😭😭😭
TWO WEEKS LATER
________________
im trying to make the parts longer cause i feel like there too short
also do you guys like the switch i feel like i wanna give you guys more than just short SMAU chpaters
_________________
@lyannesworld
@pippyth3hippy
@scorpiomindfuck
@syddddddddddddd
@paigem00
@toldyouitwasamelodrama
@lilsiz
@chelle1306
@sired4urmama
@stinkyjax
@kiyomisan
@hotgirlslikemax
@itsjustkhaos
@sid-is-gr8
@mastermindbaby
@akkklys
@reidsworld
@tall-tanned-tattoo
@mrsmaybank24
@m1892
@taliya8346282844eliviahdgdajs
@midnights-lily
@skynel09
@grussellsprout
@comicalivy
@callsignwidow
@unknownmystery22
@nina-or-anna-or-nora
@exotic-iris13
@stereading
@taygrls
@sleutherclaw
@jxnellat
@nitiii
@mahii7 @hadids-world
@gentlemonstersworld
@nichmeddar
@mattymybeloved
@lilipiggytails
@eloriis
@loloekie
@dark-night-sky-99
@agustdpeach
@theblueblub
@formulaal
@delululeclerc
@lilmissdelusion
@splaterparty0-0
@g3org1al33
@aleatorio1234
@mrsbrxkkxr
@leclercdream
@yukimaniac
@kissesandmartinis
@charlesgirl16
@novelswithariana
@strengthandstay
@jiminssmallpinkyy
@lozzamez3
@hahdb8
@c-losur3
@elsoleil
@meow-143
#reputation#reputation series#f1 masterlist#max verstappen angst#max verstappen#max verstappen fluff#max verstappen x reader#max verstappen fic#max verstappen imagine#f1 fluff#f1 series#f1 x reader#f1 fanfic#f1 imagine#f1#formula1
716 notes
·
View notes
Note
Hey I have a request!!
Capitol!Reader is from a rich and wealthy family which makes her an eligible wife for Snow who is in his second year as president which makes him 24. Reader is just about to turn 18 and she’s still in the academy. She’s being forced into a marriage the moment she is of age (18) but she very much dislikes Coriolanus. She is forced to hang out with him but she is sometimes a brat to him because she loathes him, she does not love him. The day she turns 18, Snow waits outside of the academy for her with white roses but she gets furious that he’s at her school infront of everyone and everyone now knows that they sale courting each other. She causes a scene (up to you what happens) and snow becomes incredibly mad at her. Honestly would love to see dark!coriolanus.
Thank you! Btw I love your fics sm 😭 I’ve been here since you started writing house of the dragon fics!
Fallen Roses || Young President! Coriolanus Snow x Capitol!Reader
A/n: Thank you so much for this request! And thank you for sticking with me through my changes 😂
Warnings: possessive snow?
Wc:
Coriolanus Snow Masterlist
Dividers by @firefly-graphics
“He’s in his second year as President, and he needs a wife. You are perfect for it, y/n.” Your mothers whispers harshly to you as you sat there, arms crossed, looking to the side. You had been called out of High Biology and into Dr. Gaul's office.
"I don't want to be his wife! I don't even know him!" You argue back to your mother as her face stiffens and her eyes darken. You gulp. "Listen here, daughter. When you turn 18 in a couple of days, you will marry President Snow whether you like it or not. You will have the honor of becoming the First Lady of Panem. Be grateful that you have this opportunity. Do not ruin this for us!" Your mother fires back.
Dr. Gaul sits across the desk from the two of you, watching as mother and daughter fight. "There is something you must understand Miss Y/L/N, Coriolanus Snow picked you himself to be his wife. That is the most highest honour he could ever give. You will live in the Presidential Mansion with him, not lift a single finger, and bask in your riches-" You loudly scoff.
"Hell sounds better than that," You spat in annoyance as you could see your mother shooting daggers your way from your peripheral vision. That was not the life that you wanted to have for yourself in the future. Your life right now was worse. You hated being the centre of attention; although that could never be avoided due to your high status, your parents, and your enormous wealth.
You were grateful without a doubt, but you'd rather give away your riches to people who actually needed it. You hated being forced into events, wearing outfits that were far too uncomfortable, making conversation about the weather and whatnot. It was not your cup of tea even though you were brought up with this kind of lifestyle your entire life. The thought of doing that all over again but as the second most important person in all of Panem? That would be absolute torture.
Dr. Gaul sighs, looking at your mother before closing her mouth again. You liked to argue and shut people up, and you were pretty darn good at it. "President Snow will be here shortly to meet you. I hope you show him the respect that he well deserves." She gives you a knowing look as you roll your eyes.
"Great," You mutter under your breath. The three of your all sat in his office in silence for a few minutes before the door opened behind you. Your mother and Dr. Gaul stand up to greet the President as you stayed sitting, staring at the wall behind Dr. Gaul.
"President Snow," Your mother greets him in her sickly fake voice that you hear every time you are at social events. "Coraline, lovely to see you again," You hear him say as you feel him move closer to you and your mother as he kisses her cheek.
"Dr. Gaul, always lovely to see you," He shakes her hand, "As to you Mr. Snow," She chuckles. Then it was silent. You were still sat in your seat. You could tell Snow was staring at you. "Y/n, it's lovely to finally meet you. I have heard so much about you." You lightly chuckle, turning your head to look up at him.
"Wish I could say the same," You remark, "Now can I leave? I really don't want to be missing out on the lesson," Your eyes move to your mother and Dr. Gaul. "Your schedule has been cleared for the whole day Miss Y/l/n, you will instead, accompany President Snow to his home," Dr. Gaul exaplains.
"What?" You sit up in your seat, hands gripping the arms tightly as they turn white. "You want me to be alone with him?" "You're going to have to get used to it, sweetheart." Snow chuckles behind you as you grip the arms even tighter, your knuckles turning white. "Y/n." Your mother sternly says as you let out a sigh from your nose.
"This is ridiculous, you can't force me into this!" You yell at your mother, "She can't. But I most certainly can. Now shall we?" Snow offers his arm as you stare at him in disbelief. You abruptly stand up making the chair screech against the floor and sling your bag over your shoulder.
Your heals click on the marble floor as you quickly leave the room. "I knew I would like her," Snow comments making your mother turn a slight colour of red from embarrassment. Students were still in their classrooms. The last thing you wanted was even more attention from everyone when they see you and the President together.
You make a sharp turn from the usual route to outside. "Where are you going?" Snow calls out as you turn to him, "Like hell I'm letting other people see me with you, alone." You cross your arms and narrow your eyes at him. He stands there, hands tucked into his jacket as he looks down, chuckling.
"Like I said, sweetheart, you're going to have to get used to it. You will be Panem's First Lady after all." He tilts his head at you. You kiss your teeth, letting your arms fall to your sides. "Yeah well I want to savour the final last moments of my freedom, so let me, yeah?" And with that you turn around disappearing from sight.
~
For the next couple of days, you had been forced into hanging out with Coriolanus. Whether it be having a meal with him in the presidential mansion, or him accompanying you as you are forced to go shopping for even more clothes. You had slightly warmed up to him, he could tell. But your disapproval of the whole situation was still there. Your attitude towards him was a clear give away.
Coriolanus quite enjoys your witty remarks. It entices him. Part of the reason as to why he picked you was that you hated your lifestyle and knew you had quite the tongue. He figured you were entertaining to tease. And of course, he found you the prettiest out of all the girls at the academy.
The dreadful day had finally come. You turned 18. Which meant that you could kiss your last ounces of freedom and happiness goodbye the minute Snow slips a ring on your finger. You had school that day. You figured you would be pulled out from your first class to meet with Snow but that was not the case.
Throughout the day you grew anxious by the second. You had yet to be pulled out. The bell rang indicating the school day was over and nothing happened. Did Snow pull out? Did he change his mind? You hoped it was the latter.
You pack up your things and wave goodbye to your friends as they all start to pour out of the main doors of the Academy. From afar you could see a small crowd forming. You make your way towards the crowd and was horrified to see Snow leaned up against a car, a bouquet of white roses in one hand.
"Mrs. Snow," He smirks the second he sets eyes on you as the crowd around you gasp in shock. You felt pure rage and hatred towards the man standing in front of you. You storm closer to him, yanking the flowers from his hands and throwing it on the floor. "Do not call me that," You spat, venom laced in your tone as Snow's eyes darken. He grips your upper arm as the peacekeepers open the car door.
Snow roughly pushes you inside the car as he slams the door. "You have been acting like an ungrateful little brat. Show some fucking respect to your husband." He grips your chin as your eyes begin to water. "You are not my husband." You say as he grips your chin even tighter making you wince. "I will be, whether you like it or not, darling." He smirks at you, all you wanted to do was wipe that stupid smirk off his lips.
You push him off of you as you sit furthest away from him. A tear rolls down your cheek. This was going to be your life from now on. "First thing you should now about being Panem's First Lady." Snow turns his head towards you, his hands roll up his sleeves, "Do not. Refuse. My flowers. Clear?" You don't say anything.
"I said, do I make myself clear!" He yells as you flinch. You tore your eyes away from the window. "Crystal clear." You choke out as he grins in satisfaction. "Good."
#coriolanus snow#president snow#the hunger games#the hunger games ballad of songbirds and snakes#tom blyth#coriolanus snow fanfiction#coriolanus snow x reader#coriolanus x you#coriolanus snow imagine#imagine#the hunger games fanfiction#tbosas#tbosas imagine
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
Gonna throw up If I can't talk about them-
Bunch of Aiden analysis under the cut because he's just SO OBSESSED CODED AND NOBODY TALKS ABOUT IT 😭 (I will be very weird about it)
The way it's so doomed from the start. He's already so fascinated by her. It's in the little jump he does when she sits in front of him, like a secret they're both in on, like her sitting in front of him is some obscure way of her inviting him into a conversation.
Why is he like this (not positive but not negative either)
He has such a cocktail of personality traits and, most certainly, mental disorders, and his own history that makes it so, when he's in love, that it WILL blow up in his face.
The fact that he's been homeschooled for his entire life- he has no idea. HE DOESNT EVEN KNOW. He doesnt realize that its not normal. of course he doesn't :( His parents obviously leave him alone for long stretches of time and he doesn't seem to mind this. He hasn't had the chance to develop his social skills at all-
It's why he's so, let's be real, creepy. Ash makes it very clear she's not interested and he just keeps worming his way into her life. He plots so that she'll go on the field trip, he follows her around, he goes to her fucking house on the first day. LIKE, HELLO? RED FLAG?
He's having evil thoughts here I swear 💀
And already so quickly after meeting her he makes Ash his priority. He asks to sit next to her, he engages and makes an effort to talk to her. Tries to joke around with her. Gives her a nickname. Touches her. He's so touchy.
And defends her!!! When Tyler gets pissed at Ash, he honestly goes off on him even tho he KNOWS Ash can defend herself- and he's so...dark about it. There's a threat hidden behind his words. He's MAD here, right? Tell me I'm not crazy, please-
He also very clearly has violence on the forefront of his mind 💀 He's the first one to actively attack the phantoms; not to defend himself, not to defend somebody else (well, he pulls Ash out of the way), but for fun. And he's disappointed when they don't scream. He's sadistic, he likes causing pain, it's something he relishes in.
I mean look at how he smiles!!! None of the other kids have such an...active ENJOYMENT in fighting the phantoms, but for Aiden, it's almost like he finds relief in it, some way to vent out his frustrations. He's eager for a fight, for a thrill.
That's how Aiden sustains himself, he pretty much operates under "I'm here for a good time, not a long time." Everything he does gives him a boost of adrenaline, no matter the consequences. He got into a fight? Eh, who cares about all the bruises, at least it got his blood rushing. Broke a bone while doing parkour or smth? Whatever, the way his stomach dropped when he was falling as totally worth it.
It's a very dangerous mentality to live with, obviously. He's an adrenaline junkie. He's an addict. More than anything else, Aiden wants something that makes him feel alive.
And what makes you feel more alive than love?
Like not to minimise or anything but he's known her for like. 2-3 months- and he's already SO scared of losing her. Like I just don't think he would have had this type of reaction with anybody else besides Ben. He would have absolutely lost his shit if Ash 'died'.
He's a straight up love junkie. He's obsessive. Nothing beats the high love can give you. It overrules everything else. If Ash (or whoever he's interested in) feels bad because of smth, he's done with it.
He LIKED dying. He LIKED the adrenaline rush. But he won't do it again. Not because he had some realization that he didn't want to die, that he still wanted to live and do things, but because Ash was upset. Because this, this rush of care from her part, the way she was so scared of him dying that she was shaking, nothing could fill the hole in his heart better than that. And now that he has a taste for it, he won't let go easy. He will keep on living- if it means Ash will be by his side.
Which is a very dangerous position to put her in. Ash already feels responsible for her friends, and she doesn't even know that Aiden has "put" his life in her hands, not that it's her responsibility, because it isn't, but she will certainly feel responsible if Aiden does something FOR her.
Like He's so fucking obsessed and he doesn't even realize it- like look at how he sees her 😭 THE HEAVENLY GLOOOOOOW, LIKE SHES AN ANGEL AND HE THINKS SHE CAN SAVE HIM. BABY SHE CANT, YOU HAVE TO SAVE YOURSELF.
He could spiral so fucking bad. He could do some absolutely heinous things. Because he just doesn't know. He doesn't know how to love truly, yet. For him love really is that rush of adrenaline, the knife carving out his heart, he could be putty in her hands, or her executioner. This love that can be so obsessive, that he NEEDS it to function, like its water, like its the air he breathes. Its a compulsion, a fixation, a longing that burrows into your very soul. Ash doesn't even know what she's getting herself into-
Godddddd, it makes me so sick/ pos, it's SO FUCKING INTERESTINGGGGGG. I LOVE THEM SO MUCH.
I literally cannot function around this drawing 🫠
The. The hand. That way he's grabbing her. He's pulling her back. Towards HIM. like "this is mine. And I'm not sharing." And that little fucking look in his eyes, he just looks SO fucking pleased with himself. And Ash looks so...resigned. they're so doomed-coded, i love them so bad.
I don't know how I was supposed to NOT make a killer au, when he's just...like that around her.
Love is a wonderful thing. But love is also cruel, it is vicious, it is possessive and obsessive, and it will leave carnage in its wake.
Romantic love is an obsession. It possesses you. You lose your sense of self. You cannot stop thinking about another human being. -Helen Fisher
#sbg#school bus graveyard#school bus graveyard webtoon#sbg (webtoon)#aiden clark#ashlyn banner#aidlyn#aiden x ashlyn#im gonna scream#rip my teeth out#idk idk#im just mentally ill about them 🫠#tw obsessive behavior
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
vanilla - c.s.
requested: yes!!
synopsis: after a lengthy relationship, chris decides to try and surprise you on your 7 month anniversary. it doesn’t go how he planned, and he feels bad.
warnings: SMUT OH MY FUCK. just very aggressive (no major abuse or violence), degrading, choking, hair-pulling, overstimulation, use of safe word, aftercare, angst (happy ending tho!!), i don’t think anything else but lmk!!
a/n: i think it’s about time i write smth about chris and feed y’all. so, eat up!! (also i tried to put a picture and it literally wouldn’t let me😭)
you and chris never really thought about kinks or anything like that. you had talked about it, but the furthest you two ever went was just filming it once or twice. even then, it was still very vanilla. it was soft, enjoyable, and not very rough.
chris wanted to change that.
“so, wait. are we going somewhere?”
“we can, but that’s not the surprise.”
chris kind of smirked, knowing that his surprise was not something you expected.
“can you just tell me? it almost dark out and we’be barely done anything all day except for you making me a nice breakfast. which, i did appreciate by the way.”
“you’re welcome, and no. i’m not telling you.”
he tapped his fingertips together and chuckled lightly. he liked surprising you. he’d done it multiple times before. a bouquet on your door step, a new pair of expensive heels, even flying home early from boston and not telling you. it was his thing.
and tonight was a surprise.
-
at 9:30 pm, you started to get ready for bed. you almost did it in protest for how you and chris barely did anything today.
“oooh, what’s this? toner? replace the t with a b.”
he giggled. how dare he? after not giving you a major day like he does every other anniversary?
you kept a straight face, not breaking eye contact with your face in the mirror as you kept applying serums and creams.
“what’s wrong?”
“nothing, chris.”
he knew that whenver you ended a sentence with his name, you were mad.
“look, how about i meet you in the bedroom in five minutes, and make it up to you?”
you let a little smile show, remembering that your surprise to him was a peachy-orange lingerie set that hugged you in all the right places and showed all the right skin.
“fine.”
-
it started slow and sweet, like always.
but it slowly turned into more.
he went from having you on your back with him lightly laying on you to flipping you onto all fours and ripping the new lingerie set off— literally.
“chris-“
“shut up and take it. i know you can, slut.”
it felt good, the way he was pounding into you.
what didn’t feel good was him calling you the one word you didn’t like. after he started pulling your hair, it all felt real.
were you really just some toy he used? was this his breaking point where he realized he didn’t actually like or respect you like he pretended?
“chris, i don’t-“
he pushed your face into the pillow, tightening his grip on your hair.
“i said shut the fuck up. god, you really are just some slut who thinks she can do anything she wants.”
tears started welling in your eyes. they only strengthened when he started swatting your ass and digging his free hand into your back.
it hurt. like, actually hurt. but he wouldn’t listen.
he was never like this. chris? be aggressive? especially in such a vulnerable moment? never. until now.
after almost suffocating with your face in the pillow for what felt like hours, you tried to shift your face over just enough to be able to breathe. it was hard, with his grip on your hair pushing your head down into it.
eventually, you were able to properly breathe. you started breathing heavier and heavier. not from pleasure, but from overstimulation. from pain.
“i- i can’t! chris!”
he could barely hear you over his grunts and the sounds of skin slapping loudly.
“cant.. can’t what? slut can’t use her words now?”
you tried, but he was causing you so much pain that the tears were taking over. so much so, that you just broke.
what he thought were breaths and tears of pleasure started to settle in, and he finally realized. your pillow and face wet with a taste of salt, and your heart pounding so bad you started shaking.
he slowed down, moving your messy, wet hair out of your face.
“vanilla! vanilla!”
your safe word. you never needed it before, but you guys thought of it after having sex the first or second time. he always wanted you to know you were in control of what was happening too. in a sort of inside joke/mockery, he made it “vanilla”.
“hey- hey.”
he took a second to gather himself and pull out, sitting next to you on the bed. your body fell limp on the sheets.
“what’s wrong-“
“no!”
he tried to rub your shoulder, but your yelling frightened him. it should’ve. the way he caused you the pain he did was horrible.
“hey-“
“just- stop! what-“
your crying intensified, leaving him with a concerned look.
“what made you think that was okay?!”
you tried to stand, stabling yourself with a hand on the bed and the other holding a throw blanket to cover your body.
“what do you mean-“
“what do i mean? chris- you just.. started going crazy! it felt good at first, but you pulled my hair, you dug your nails into my back! you- you called me a slut!”
“i thought-“
“no you didn’t! you didn’t think at all!”
it finally hit him.
that word.
the one word he promised to never use.
“baby- i didn’t mean any of it!”
“then why’d you do it!”
tears turning into anger at his stupidity slowly dried up.
“i thought it would be a nice surprise for our anniversary! but, i’m sorry. i forgot about that word.”
that word was used against you everyday in highschool, ever since you gave some kid a handjob at the park. anytime you wore something even slightly revealing. it opened a floodgate for name-calling.
the tears started up again once silence filled the bedroom.
again, chris was never like this. you always thought he would provide the comfort you so desperately needed in your life. however, it seemed like he thought otherwise.
chris stood up, walked around the bed, and engulfed you in his arms. after realizing that he truly didn’t mean it (doesn’t make it okay, but it’s good he realized he was in the wrong), you hugged him back.
“how about we clean up. can i help you with that?”
you sniffled while stepping back from him. you dropped the blanket and wiped your eyes.
“yeah.”
you spoke softly, still trying to catch light breaths.
he grabbed your hand, leading you the bathroom.
he started the shower, grabbing your coconut body wash out of the bathroom closet along with a soft, white towel.
after getting you into the perfectly-warm shower, he started to clean you up. he didn’t let you move a muscle. he made sure you were fully clean and taken care of before even thinking about himself. he grazed your body with the loofah, making sure every inch was perfectly covered.
“i really am sorry, baby. i didn’t mean to take it that far. i think i just got too excited. i’ll never do it again, i can promise you that.”
“a warning would’ve been nice. i get why you did it. throw in a little variety, or whatever. but that word really set me off.”
“i know, i know.”
he kissed the back of your damp head, making sure you knew he meant his sorrow.
“i forgot. but, no excuse. how about now i dry you off and get you into some comfy clothes, hm?”
his tone was low but sweet. your heart stopped racing, your breath caught up, and your mind was at ease.
“okay.”
after he dried you off, still not letting you do it yourself, he grabbed your hand to lead back into the bedroom. while you were sat patiently on the edge of the bed, he rummaged through drawers and shelves looking for your favorite sleep shirt and a pair of under wear with comfortable shorts.
“this good?”
“yes. thank you.”
“stand up, please.”
you dropped your towel, letting him glide the extra large graphic tee over your head. you lifted each leg as he slid the underwear up, then doing the same with the loose shorts.
“get comfy in bed, i got some treats for you earlier.”
“really? thank you, chris.”
“anything for my girl. she deserves nothing but the best, so i try all for her.”
he kissed your forehead before you slid into the bed, pulling the thick comforter over your body and turning on your favorite show.
-
you fell asleep in eachothers arms, but not until he gave you a lengthy apology.
you know he didn’t mean it, but he needed you to remember he wouldn’t do it again.
his heartbeat under your head lulled you into a deep slumber. a soft, orange light coming from the lamp in the corner of the bedroom mixed with the tv still playing your favorite show made just enough light for you to not have any other worries that night. an open bag of the tastiest chocolate on the nightstand next to two open soda cans had filled your stomach and your heart. the soft laugh tracks in the background and fan lightly blowing on you gave you the comfort you needed.
the biggest comfort was chris’ concern.
he loves you.
you love him.
that’s all you need.
-
AHHHH ITS DONEEEEEEE!!!!! i pray that this is as good as y’all are expecting 😭😭 but seriously though, i thank y’all for the support. i’m at 300 followers already (WHAT THE FUCK) and i couldn’t have done it without you guys. love y’all!! mwah!!💋❣️🌺
taglist: @sleepysturniolo @suyqa @jessie-essie @sturnsobsessed
sorry if i missed anyone that wanted to be tagged!!
#onmykneesformatt🌺#chris sturniolo#sturniolo triplets#christopher sturniolo#chris sturniolo x reader#chris sturniolo imagines#chris smut#chris sturniolo x you#christopher owen sturniolo
393 notes
·
View notes