#cause my invisible illness was like. literally killing me. fantastic!

[imwritesometimes]

I am once again asking you pls if you take one thing away from this blog, only one thing, let it be this: do not buy. a front loading washing machine. don't do it. do not. they are far more fuckin trouble than they're worth. don't do it.

sincerely - mine just died. again. had to go out and just buy a new TOP LOADER or pay another $400+ to have it fixed which would have been stupid af. do not do this. love urself do not buy one as I did. learn from my mistake.

[lonelier-version-of-you]

Finally listening to Folklore. I did a ‘thoughts on...’ post for Lover, so I suppose it’s only fair I do one for this album too. So, here we go.

I’ll give my thoughts, list favourite lyrics, and rate each track as I did before. Also - because if you’re the type of person who follows me, then we all know this is probably the information you’re REALLY looking for - I’m gonna rate each song based on how Johnrik it is.

the 1:

A gorgeous opening track. It has a lovely, wistful tone to it.

Favourite lyrics: “Persist and resist the temptation to ask you / if one thing had been different / would everything be different today?” “But we were something, don’t you think so? Roaring 20s, tossing pennies in the pool / and if my wishes came true, it would’ve been you / in my defense, I have none / for never leaving well enough alone”.

7/10. Johnrik rating: 9/10.

Rest of the album under the cut ‘cause this is LONG.

cardigan:

Oh, I LOVE this song. It starts out tender and beautiful and slowly turns into sad and equally beautiful.

Favourite lyrics: “You drew stars around my scars / but now I’m bleeding” “But I knew you’d linger like a tattoo kiss / I knew you’d haunt all of my what-ifs / the smell of smoke would hang around this long / ‘cause I knew everything when I was young”

8/10. Johnrik rating: 8/10.

the last great american dynasty:

PERFECTION. Taylor really shows her gift for not just songwriting, but storytelling here. This is already one of my favourite songs from the album.

Favourite lyrics: “They say she was seen on occasion / pacing the rocks staring out at the midnight sea / and in a feud with her neighbor / she stole his dog and dyed it key lime green / fifty years is a long time / Holiday House sat quietly on that beach / free of women with madness / their men and bad habits, and then it was bought by me”

10/10. Johnrik rating: N/A, because it’s very specific but it’s also a fantastic song so I felt guilty giving 0/10.

exile (ft. Bon Iver):

I wasn’t that into this song but then Taylor started singing and WOW. It’s really good.

Favourite lyrics: “I never learned to read your mind | Never learned to read my mind / I couldn’t turn things around | You never turned things around / ‘cause you never gave a warning sign | I gave so many signs”

9/10. Johnrik rating: 10/10.

my tears richochet:

FUCK FUCK FUCK THIS IS LITERALLY SO JOHN @ HENRIK VIBES I’M GOING TO CRY.

This is also an absolutely stunning song with a brilliant concept behind it, and definitely a favourite. BUT FUCK THE LYRICS ARE SO JOHN’S GHOST HAUNTING HENRIK ARRRGHHHH.

Favourite lyrics: “And if I’m dead to you / why are you at the wake?” “I didn’t have it in myself to go with grace / and so the battleships will sink beneath the waves / you had to kill me, but it killed you just the same”

10/10. Johnrik rating: 10000/10.

mirrorball:

Another beautiful song and probably one I’ll have on repeat for a while yet. I could see this one being a really successful single.

Favourite lyrics: “Hush / when no one is around, my dear / you’ll find me on my tallest tiptoes / spinnin’ in my highest heels, love / shining just for you” “I’m still a believer but I don’t know why / I’ve never been a natural, all I do is try, try, try / I’m still on that trapeze, I’m still tryin’ everything / to keep you looking at me”

10/10. Johnrik rating: 8/10.

seven:

This song is lovely, but I’m not gonna lie, any song that uses childhood stuff as a metaphor always puts me off because it just makes my traumatised ass feel alienated.

Favourite lyrics: “And I’ve been meaning to tell you / I think your house is haunted / your dad is always mad and that must be why / and I think you should come live with me / and we can be pirates / then you won’t have to cry / or hide in the closet”.

I’ll give this a, fittingly, 7/10. Johnrik rating: 4/10.

august:

I like songs where Taylor does that breathy thing with her voice, so I automatically love this one. The lyrics are great too.

Favourite lyrics: “But I can see us lost in the memory / August slipped away into a moment in time / ‘cause it was never mine / and I can see us twisted in bedsheets / August sipped away like a bottle of wine / ‘cause you were never mine”

8/10. Johnrik rating: 7/10.

this is me trying:

This song is very sonically interesting - it sounds quite unique. So I like that.

It also resonates with me, really hard. Definitely going on my ‘songs to listen to when I’m sad’ playlist.

Favourite lyrics: “They told me all my cages were mental / so I got wasted like all my potential / and my words shoot to kill when I’m mad / I have a lot of regrets about that / I was so ahead of the curve that the curve became a sphere / fell behind all my classmates and I ended up here”

10/10 because I can relate so much to it. Johnrik rating: 6/10, I could see John singing this to Henrik.

illicit affairs:

Oh, HERE it is! The Gay Song of the album! Wondered when we were gonna get around to that. Some of Taylor’s songs, you can just tell are about women, and this is one of them.

Favourite lyrics: “Leave the perfume on the shelf / that you picked out just for him / so you leave no trace behind / like you don’t even exist / take the words for what they are / a dwindling, mercurial high / a drug that only worked / the first few hundred times”

9/10. Johnrik rating: also 9/10.

invisible string:

This is cute. I like it. Reminds me a lot of Paper Rings.

Favourite lyrics: “Bold was the waitress on our three-year trip getting lunch down by the lakes / she said I looked like an American singer”

7/10. Johnrik rating: 3/10.

mad woman:

I knew from the title my crazy-and-proud self was gonna LOVE this song. Spoiler: I love it. It’s like a stripped-down version of an Emilie Autumn song, that’s the sort of vibe it has. Also Taylor said “fuck” and it was brilliant.

Favourite lyrics: “Every time you call me crazy / I get more crazy / what about that? / and when you say I seem angry / I get more angry”

“And there’s nothing like a mad woman / what a shame she went mad / no one likes a mad woman / you made her like that / and you poked that bear ‘til her claws come out / and you find something to wrap your noose around / and there’s nothing like a mad woman”

“The master of spin / has a couple side flings / good wives always know / she should be mad / should be scathing like me / but no one likes a mad woman”

10/10, again because it means a lot to me. Johnrik rating: N/A. (Though if you wanted to get a Holby connection in there, you could probably spin it into a Jac song...)

epiphany:

This is a beautiful ballad, and the meaning behind it is lovely.

Favourite lyrics: “And some things you just can’t speak about”

9/10. Johnrik rating: N/A again.

betty:

I said ‘illicit affairs’ was the Gay Song. Nevermind. TAYLOR IS LITERALLY PUTTING OUT LOVE SONGS TO WOMEN AND NONE OF YOU GUYS ARE NOTICING. I know it’s written from the perspective of a male character, but still??

Favourite lyrics: “If I showed up at your party / Would you have me? Would you want me? / Would you tell me to go fuck myself, or lead me to the garden?”

8/10. Johnrik rating: Another N/A I’m afraid. Though I kind of like to imagine young!Henrik and Maja to this song, in an AU where he 1. came back to her after running away and 2. wasn’t probably too mentally ill to be a parent or hold down a steady relationship.

peace:

This is such a lovely song. The theme reminds me a bit of ‘In Love But Not At Peace’ by Dar Williams - though that one’s a much sadder take, this one has some hope to it.

Favourite lyrics: “But I’m a fire and I’ll keep your brittle heart warm / if your cascade ocean blue waves come / all these people think love’s for show / but I would die for you in secret / the devil’s in the details / but you’ve got a friend in me / would it be enough, if I could never give you peace?”

8/10. Johnrik rating: 7/10.

hoax:

OH HEY SHE JUST GOES AND CLOSES OUT THE ALBUM WITH ANOTHER JOHNRIK SONG. THERE GOES MY HEART. “Don’t want no other shade of blue, but you / no other sadness in the world would do”... that’s them alright. Fuck, I’m emotional.

Favourite lyrics: “This has frozen my ground / stood on the cliffside screaming ‘give me a reason’ / your faithless love's the only hoax I believe in”

10/10. Johnrik rating: also 10/10.

Overall album rating: 9/10.

[acrobaticcatfeline]

Logan Alastair and the Slytherin Curse (the Hogwarts AU)!!!

Word Count: 3391

TW: Oof, ok so, bullying, violence, blood mention, bruises, um, its implied that Patton can see through invisibility spells and has more understanding of things than he should which might be a squick(is that the right term?), IDK Patton just knows... a lot more than he should. I think that’s it? let me know if there’s anything else!

Notes: Here it is!!! God I swear the headcannon had like thirty notes up until a few days ago and then it exploded!!! It’s at 206 notes now heck I’m glad this is something yaller excited for! I hope you enjoy reading this as much is I enjoyed writing it!!! This is the first half of the “intros”, once I’m finished introducing at least Virgil, we will be up into the 3rd year and we’ll have some shenanigans of the boys just being boys!

Pairings: nothing... yet. some slight slight hints at logince at the end? eventual logince and moxiety and maybe more, IDK yet if I’m adding more characters.

Summary: “you are a disgrace to this house. The sorting hat has made its first ever mistake it seems, good to know.” Logan Alastair didn’t choose to be a wizard, are you kidding me? He wants to be back at home with his dogs and parents and dealing with normal bullies, not ones that could kill you with the wave of a hand! This is all way too much at once, but maybe things will get better with a few friends...

“you are a disgrace to this house. The sorting hat has made its first ever mistake it seems, good to know.”

The snarling replies from every person at his house table caused the boy to cast an invisibility charm and run to his common room. He felt the gazes still, likely from the house ghost, as he hid on the other side of the stone wall. He was lucky to have overheard a Slytherin mention the password, otherwise he would have probably flung himself into the lake. He flicked his wand and his belongings appeared on his bed. He sat on the floor, casting an illusion spell that lasted much longer, pulled out his spell book, and picked up his new owl, affectionately named merlin. He held the bird close as he read through his book, practicing different spells he saw as simple enough that any pure blood would know. He had always been a bright kid with a passion and speed for learning. On the train here he had hidden in an empty carriage and been practicing different spells that could be used for defense and very simple attack spells.

He had no disillusionment that this new school would be free of bullies, and after getting sorted he already wanted to leave and sleep in his own bed and hug his dog. He should have pulled a “harry potter” and asked the sorting hat to keep him out of Slytherin, but he had hidden and saw no need until he had already gotten sorted.

Now, Logan Alastair sat hidden in a veil of illusions so he could read his books in silence. He traded focus from his spell book over to his history book. He enchanted it quickly to search for passages about Slytherin. The first bit of information he got was about Salazar, telling stories of his hatred of muggles and ‘mud bloods’ as they called them. After a quick search he realized just why his housemates shouted this at him. He brushed it off soon after, looking at the dark tinting of his skin and grimacing, didn’t seem far off from what people at home said about him. It seemed much less hurtful than what some muggles had called him before. Regardless, he continued through the book, smiling fondly at the fact that merlin, the famous wizard merlin, was a Slytherin true of heart. He read about Severus Snape, and while he seemed like less of a genuinely good person and more like a selfish jerk that just so happened to not be the absolute worst, it was nice to see instances of not evil cruel Slytherin’s. He then traded focus yet again to a recent history of Hogwarts, and the battle of Hogwarts told by survivors. He did the same spell, getting far more positives than before. It told of less well known Slytherin’s that did good in the end. Regulus Black, Andromeda Tonks, Draco Malfoy, Astoria Malfoy, so many that had shady roots that redeemed themselves in more ways than one during the battle and onwards. He read a small bit on Isolt Sayre who had a short blip saying they were a direct descendant of Slytherin but had fled to the new world after escaping her murderous relative.

This of course led him down a rabbit hole, searching for the name in any other book, and after a few minutes he found that she had been the one to institute the school of Ilvermorny and had broken the pure bloodline by marrying a muggle. Well he had a new role model geez… he made it to the magical beast’s textbook and smiled as he recognized the authors name as a famous Hufflepuff who was known for defeating Grindelwald, a terrifying purest the likes of Voldemort but you know, he had a nose and skin pigment. He had always read exceptionally fast, it was the thing that occupied his time in his youth, as he couldn’t make friends very easily. He thought it had been hours when the rest of the Slytherin students made it up, however he had only been there for approximately half an hour. He quickly stashed his things and sat on his bed, drawing an illusion of him sleeping as a curtain on his bed. He looked through and saw people actively find a bed as far from his as possible, and he had no problem with that. He sat watching closely as everyone set their bags down and luckily for everyone, everyone ended up 2 beds away from him at least. Logan felt his stomach grumble and cast disillusionment on himself and dashed out of the common room quickly. He made it up to the kitchen area soon, knowing that he would be able to get past the house elves easily. He went to grab food only to get swatted by… something. He turned over and saw a boy who looked his age with big round glasses nearly falling off his face. The boy has curly red hair and his eyes are ocean blue behind the red frames he wore. He wore a yellow and black jumper over a pair of black sweatpants with the Hufflepuff mascot across its leg. Another look at their face and he saw freckles scattered everywhere and he was surprised he hadn’t noticed them sooner. However, he seemed to have taken a while to respond as the boy crossed his arms and pouted at him.

“uhm… you can… see me?”

The boy rolled his eyes somewhat playfully and gave a grin at him. He changed his posture to a more relaxed one, putting his thumbs in his pockets as he answered.

“well of course I can silly! You’re just slightly glittery! Why, am I not supposed to see you?”

“well, no? no you’re not, this is a chameleon spell I'm supposed to be blended in with the environment no one should be able to see me!” he got grumpy and shed the charm, glaring at the annoyingly taller student.

“oh well geez I dunno! Oh, hey you’re not glittery anymore!!!”

“did I do the spell wrong? Does this spell only make me less corporeal? Oh gosh I need another cloaking spell oh god my housemates will see me, and they’ll kill me what was I thinking? Maybe, maybe there's another train out? I can just go home to my dog and I wont have to do this magic stuff it’s not worth it I didn’t want this I wanted to grow up like a normal kid and see my parents everyday and go to school with normal bullies, not ones with literal death machines the size of a pen why did I come this is stupid I bet this isn’t even real maybe if I just go to sleep Ill be back at home-”

“hey kiddo, calm down! I uh, I don’t know how to help you out, uhhh, here, let’s get you some food and get you sitting down somewhere so you can breathe. Come on kiddo lets get you some food.”

After stacking a plate sky high with food, the boy hands Logan the plate and pulls out his wand, tapping on some barrels then causing one of them to fly open. The boy looks towards Logan again waving his wand at the plate and chants ‘ebublio’ to which the plate gets surrounded in a bubble. He grabs it from him and beckons Logan as he hops into the barrel. Logan, who now has his food on the line follows, somewhat hesitantly. They reach the end of the passage and the boy turns yet again and waves his wand this time at Logan, chanting the word ‘colovaria’ and when Logan looked back at his robes, he was shocked to see he wore Hufflepuff colors.

“sorry, it’s a precaution. No one from another house has ever come inside the Hufflepuff common room and if word got out that some year one kid let one in, I would be done for. Anyways, sit on down kiddo, anywhere you feel like it, though, the couches are super-duper comfy.”

Logan honestly had no idea what to do with the last few minutes, so he did as instructed, and giggled softly as the boy dramatically popped the bubble. He grabbed a piece of bread off the top and takes a bite, eyes widening in awe at the good taste. After getting over the initial shock he looks at the boy curiously.

“what's your name?”

The boy giggled heavily and smiled a big toothy grin. Logan felt slightly bad about the fact that he automatically noticed the slight gap in his teeth. He fiddled with his bright red frames and bowed dramatically.

“where are my manners!!! Hello Logan, I am Patton Scamander!!! The one and only!!! Pfft I sound silly, don’t I? anyways yup yup I'm the 4th generation of Scamander hufflefluffs!!!”

Logan stared at him blankly for a good few seconds before his eyes finally widened in realization.

“wait, you’re related to Newt Scamander? Isn’t he the one who”

“yup! He wrote fantastic beasts! And apprehended Grindelwald!!! Oh, and my mom is Luna Lovegood! She’s a hoot and a holler let me tell you, she thinks I'm quirky!!!”

Logan was in disbelief. This kid was the son of famous Ravenclaw wizard Luna Lovegood. And the great grandson of newt Scamander the magizooligist. Granted he literally only learned all of this information today, but he had a general idea that Grindelwald was a magical Hitler and thus made anyone involved in his capture war heroes and at least back home he was told to respect war heroes for defending their freedoms and yada yada, Logan was rambling.

“wait, that means your mom knew Albus Dumbledore!!! I uh, I only found out about him today, I only found out a lot of stuff today, but wasn’t he like”

Logan wasn’t able to form words for what he had been trying to convey and started vaguely gesturing and Patton just nodded and agreed. After finishing his food, he got up and poked at the entrance, trying to figure out how to leave.

“aw, leaving so soon Lolo? We were just beginning to become friends!!!”

“uh, well its late and we do have class tomorrow and I should probably sleep…”

“well can’t you sleep over? We have plenty of time to get our books between breakfast and our first class! Speaking of which, what's your first class?”

“uhm, well I guess I can? I dunno… um, when did we get our schedules?”

“oh, we don’t get them until tomorrow technically, but I have a pretty general idea of what I have, I guess. Was just wondering if you did too!”

“oh, no I uh, I don’t even know what classes there are. I didn’t know magic existed until today.”

“oh!!! Oh… oh you poor muggle born got sorted into Slytherin I'm so sorry!”

“speaking of which, what is the differences between each of the houses?”

“oh geez, uh how do I explain this… ok so my house is Hufflepuff! Hufflepuffs are in general, hard workers, who are dedicated patient and loyal! We are known for being just and true and our motto is ‘do what is nice’! We’re also great finders! Ravenclaws are smarty pants!!! Wisdom, intelligence, creativity, cleverness and knowledge, that’s them basically, they value brains over brawn! Their motto is ‘do what is wise’. Gryffindors are brave, adventurous, loyal, courageous, daring and chivalrous, they’re the storybook heroes! Their motto is ‘do what is right’. And Slytherin’s… well they have good qualities! Not all of them are bad! Obviously, because you’re really nice!!! Ok so they’re generally cunning, resourceful, ambitious, intelligent, and determined and they’re natural born leaders! They love being in charge, but they’re often arrogant and prideful, their motto is ‘do what is necessary’. The reason they get a bad rep is because many dark wizards are alumni from that house. It’s also a stereotype that all Slytherin’s are pure bloods. Its not far from the truth but anyone can be a Slytherin. I mean even harry potter fit into the house! The only reason he was a Gryffindor was because he begged the hat for anything else because Draco Malfoy made a bad impression on him. Slytherins are not bad, I feel a need to emphasize this. I feel bad for you because the current members of the house are less than savory. They aren’t evil, but they’re certainly not very nice. And it sucks that your first experience with wizards is them calling you names and hiding under the covers until the sun goes away.”

“heh that was very specific…”

“you’re a rather easy read Logan, you’re very interesting nonetheless!”

“um. Ok? Thanks, I think?”

“you’re positively welcome!!!”

Months pass, and Logan has picked up the habit of spending nights with Patton in the Hufflepuff commons. At this point in the year, late April, he’s already gone home for visits twice, and he’s contentedly walking back to the Hufflepuff commons after a walk through the library.

Of course, him being who he is, he notices a fight in the corridor. All he can see at his vantage point is green and red, a punch to the face and the greens laughing. Of course, the Slytherin’s were torturing innocent students again. He ran towards them and yelled, waving his wand and shouting ‘stupefy’ leading the two Slytherin boys to fall over. He swished his wand at the Gryffindor in front of him, saying ‘wingardium leviosa’ before booking it to Hufflepuff quarters.

He’s surprised to make it all the way there without getting caught, though the pictures on the walls can talk and… he might’ve passed Severus Snape and he did not want to be in the open when headmaster McGonagall heard about it. She’s a Gryffindor after all, she might get the wrong idea.

No no, he would say, no I wasn’t the one to knock him out I swear, it was two of my housemates who I don’t know because I'm terrified of them and that’s why I took the Gryffindor kid to my friend who knows healing magic and no its not a Hufflepuff, sorry I don’t know there house of course not because I didn’t go into the Hufflepuff commons, no ones been in the Hufflepuff commons, of course it was a um Ravenclaw yeah it was a Ravenclaw cuz they’re smart and would know healing magic, I mean they do know healing magic, of course I wouldn’t make a bet on maybe heheh yeah so in conclusion I'm sorry please don’t expel me miss McGonagall I did nothing wrong!

Yeah that wouldn’t work in the slightest. Hopefully he was fast enough that Snape didn’t see his face. Or maybe he wouldn’t tell because he was biased toward Slytherin’s. Let’s hope. Either way at the moment Logan had to enter the code for the Hufflepuff dorms as quick as possible because he did not want this Gryffindor to wake up and panic. He wordlessly changed the color of both their robes before jumping in the barrel.

“Patton? Patton there might have been an incident?”

“Comin Logi-bear!!! Ooh geez what happened!!! Logi you know fighting’s bad, how’d you end up in this situation?!?!?! Oh, give him here, oh I know him the poor thing looks half dead!!! Come on kiddo we’ll fix you right up!”

Patton grabbed the floating boy and carried him to the couch. He ran back and forth, grabbing bandages, ointments, elixirs, ice, anything and everything to make the boy less in pain. He set a bag of ice on his face, the spot Logan saw him get punched, put ointment on a cut on his lips and one on his eyebrow, and poured a little bit of the elixir in the boys’ mouth. He then rolled up his sleeves and checked out his arms, finding quite a few breaks of skin and bruises, indicating possible fractures. Patton looked over at Logan before looking back towards the arm he was bandaging.

“so, what happened lo? He’s a wreck, I doubt you could’ve done this if you wanted to!”

“why do you always assume the worst in me?”

“I don’t! I usually assume the best in you, but I prepare for the worst. Worst case scenario isn’t you getting grumpy this time! You’re not this strong, and you usually realize your mistakes sooner, you wouldn’t have caused this much damage before your conscious weighed back in. Really lo, it’s obvious.”

“I'm going to ignore your oddly astute conclusion in favor of defending myself. A couple of other Slytherin’s were ganging up on him and I was on my way back from the library when I bumped into them. I unfortunately have a moral compass-”

“that’s me!!!”

“-and I stupefied the lot of them, and grabbed this one who was knocked out, likely due to the impact on his cranium, the only actual hit I saw thrown. I imagine the two were cruel enough to continue attacking him even if he was unconscious on the ground. So, I brought him to you. If its of any importance, he’s from Gryffindor.”

“oh yeah, no I know who he is Logan, he’s a friend of mine, Roman Weasley. With the Weasley name I wouldn’t doubt any of it. The same people in your house that hate you hate him for the same reasons. Weasleys are blood traitors, willingly involving themselves with muggles, muggle borns, half-bloods, the whole nine yards. Cedrella black was disowned for marrying a Weasley, to put it in perspective. Their family is part of the sacred 28, the list of all currently completely pure-blooded families. For the most part all the families are Slytherin predominant but there's still the Weasley’s and Longbottom’s, as well as some others I can’t list off the top of my head, that defy that rule. Of course, the Slytherin’s make the biggest deal out of it, but anyways. Its good you brought him he is worse for wear the poor thing.”

Patton waved his wand over the boy, Roman’s, face. Soon after, his eyes slowly opened, and soon after that he was flailing upward in panic, falling off the couch in attempt to escape a perceived threat. Once he fully recognized the situation, he let out a deep sigh and laid on the floor.

“Patton you really mustn’t do this to me I have enough nightmares of people in my face without waking up to it! Where am I even, I don’t recognize this part of Hogwarts.”

“sorry bout that Ro! Was just worried about you! You’re in the Hufflepuff common room!”

“huh. You know when you said it was next to the kitchen, I expected it to smell more like food.”

“I expected it to smell like weed but apparently wizards get high in other ways…”

Roman turned to look at Logan with an odd stare.

“what weed? Gillyweed? Snakeweed? Also, why? I mean I know the best herbology students are usually Hufflepuff but-”

“no not- ugh how do I say this, its, it’s a hum-mor-muggle thing. Its actual name is something different, but it’s a… it’s a bad thing that people can eat and smoke, but it makes them really hungry afterwards. It doesn’t matter.”

“that sounds weird. You’re weird, who are you? How do you know Patton?”

“I know everybody!!!”

“precisely that. I have become friends with Patton. It’s also why you’re here instead of having my housemates still attacking you like big jerks.”

Roman stares blankly at Logan and Logan questions why the boy’s cheeks redden.

“oh. Uh, thanks then. Uh, I should probably be going I have class, but um, what's your name?”

“Logan. It was a pleasure meeting you Roman”

“uh yeah, you too-”

“hold on Ro drink this! It’s a painkiller, it’ll help make sure the bruises and cuts don’t hurt.”

“oh, thanks popstar! Quite nice of you!”

He drank the elixir and gave Logan an odd look before absconding to class. Logan didn’t understand this, and he also didn’t understand the warm feeling in his own cheeks, or the smug look Patton had on his face. He didn’t quite understand what was going on, but he knew enough to know that he didn’t want to know more. At least, not right now…

Taglist: @fivebyfive-finebyfive @fandoms-winkitywonk @thennevermind @the-shipper189 @confinesofpersonalknowledge @bruntriceballs @creativity-killed-thekitten @crookedlyoptimisticdestiny

Let me know if you want to be tagged in my writing!!! Or if you want to be taken off my list!!!

Thank you for reading I will see you later ladies lords and nonbinary royalty!!!

[notmoreflippingelves]

The Case for Kristoph Gavin as a Shakespearean Tragic Hero/ Anti-villain (Pt 1: Iago, Richard III & Edmund)

So, as I former English major, I’ve been trying to put my finger on why exactly Ace Attorney’s Kristoph Gavin makes such a compelling character. And when I made an allusion to Othello in a Kriswright fic I’m writing, I suddenly came irrevocably to a stunning realization. 

Kristoph Gavin is a fantastic villain, because he was written in the mold of a great Shakespearean antagonist--complex, conflicted, and dripping in delicious ambiguity. Not only that but there are some pretty AMAZING parallels between character motivations and arcs of some of the most memorable Shakespearean villains/tragic heroes and Kristoph. 

(I’ve  decided to break the analysis into two parts, cause this part alone is WAY too long (So long I didn’t even get to all of my feelings about Kris as Brutus from Julius Caesar yet..)This part is for Iago, Richard III & Edmund the Bastard,  the three characters who are constantly vying with each other for the title of “most EVUL character in  all of Shakespeare.” Whereas in Part 2, I plan to focus on the more sympathetic antagonists ( including BRUTUS! I Can’t wait! It’s my favorite set of parallels. ) 

But enough intro, let’s jump into some analysis. (YAY!!!) I’m putting this under the cut, because  as I said it’s LONG.

Kristoph as Iago-- Okay, let’s tackle the giant elephant in the room first, shall we? The parallels are so glaring . (This parallel is kind of boring compared to the other two cause it’s so obvious. But it’s important to cover anyway.)

So we have Kristoph and we have Othello’s Iago. Two-faced “Big Bad friends” driven by envy to ruin another’s life.  One slightly surprising l thing that I’d  forgotten at first is that one of Iago’s proposed motivations is--like Kristoph’s-- thwarted professional ambition. Like Kristoph with the Gramarye case, Iago loses out on a job opportunity and decides to ruin the lives of those who passed him over.

 There’s also the VERY common scholarly interpretation that Iago is also driven at least in part by toxic love of/ excessive lust for Othello (It’s especially blatant in the Kenneth Branagh’s portrayal). One can definitely see a similar interpretation of Kristoph’s “friendship” with Phoenix--either  in a “if I can’t have you, no one will” way or  in “I will deliberately and methodically destroy everything you love until I’m the only the only thing left. Then, you’ll have to choose me” way. 

But there’s also hints that Iago could have mixed motives, completely different motives, or even no motive  at all. Now who does that remind me of? Kristoph “you’ll never break my five black psyche-locks”--Gavin. 

“Determined to be a villain”--Kristoph, Richard, and Edmund intro - When it comes to their motivations,  King Lear’s Edmund and Richard III are remarkably similar characters to each other  in terms of their motivations--even if their methods/results differ somewhat. So I’m gonna talk about their motivations together for a bit  before I talk about Kristoph parallels in terms of individual character arcs. 

Both  King Lear’s Edmund and Richard III are victims of a world that they believe had left them no other choice but villainy (Edmund because he was born illegitimately and Richard because he was born with multiple physical deformities)  When Richard III says that great line in his opening soliloquy  “I am determined to prove a villain,” he doesn’t mean  “I’m so excited about the fun evil I’m gonna do. Yay! YOLO.” (At least, he doesn’t mean ONLY that.)

“Determined” is actually part of  the verb in this sentence, not the adjective.If you tweak the  sentence structure to match how we’d express this in 21st century English, you can see that Richard is actually referring to himself as a passive subject: “I have been determined a villain by _______.” There’s an invisible indirect object there--the one that Richard believes has forced his hand: fate, his birth, his looks, divine judgement, or something else entirely. (Edmund also has a very similar monologue about how “nature” has made him a villain because of the circumstances of his birth but not gonna dive too deeply into that rn.)

Okay, so during that time and place, illegitimate children and those w/ physical disabilities thought they had little control over free will/personal morality. Makes sense. But how does Kristoph come into this? 

Well, he might if he had a serious mental illness instead. I have seen plausible cases being made for a Kristoph with PTSD (due to unexplained trauma suggested by his black psyche locks), anxiety, Borderline Personality Disorder, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, OCD, and/or paranoia. Any one of these could make someone believe that the dice are stacked against them and that the only way to enjoy success/happiness is to take drastic action to ensure it. 

Of course, none of the above excuses or justifies any of what Richard, Edmund, or Kristoph do in their respective arcs. It just makes it easier to understand why they might do those things.

Now we’re gonna look at Richard and Edmund respectively and compare their specific parallels with Kristoph. 

Kristoph as Richard the III:

 So the most obvious parallel between Richard and Kristoph is a visual one. During his final break down, Kristoph hunches over in a way reminscient of someone--who like Richard--has  scoliosis. There’s also the creepy spasm on his face when he loses his cool, which does give him a very Richard-esque look. 

In terms of parallels in their actual arcs, Kristoph may not have murdered his two nephews  like tricky King Dicky does but his poisoning of Vera Misham does show that he--like Richard-- is willing to hurt a child if said child threatens his ambition. 

 And one more little thing: Kristoph like Richard (and also like Edmund who’ll we will get to in a second) does have a magnetic personality which he uses to charm the pants off his would-be enemies. 

The biggest example of that is when he is somehow able to convince Lady Anne to marry him- while standing next to the body of her of her dead father-in--law whom Richard himself killed alongside her husband too! 

Kristoph may have not done anything quite that twisted, but “befriending” a man whose life he personally ruined is definitely Richard III-esque--especially if one believes that Kristoph also has a sexual/romantic interest in Phoenix and/or that their “friendship”  had a physical, non-platonic component to it. 

Kristoph as Edmund the Bastard:

And now for the grand finale. Edmund you magnificent bastard (literally as well as figuratively). I cannot believe I nearly missed this particular parallel. It’s just... stunning.  

So, the main b-plot of King Lear involves the rivalry between two brothers--Edgar the legitimate son and Edmund the other one. Edgar is impulsive and hot-headed with a insightful, sometimes caustic sense of humor, whereas Edgar is cold, collected and quietly compelling.  (Does this remind y’all of a certain pair of lawyer siblings yet? Hmm... Just wait.)

Just like in AJ, the conflict between the brothers in Lear reaches a breaking point due to...get this.. a forged document. (Le gasp! Is it really so? What a freaky coincidence. Yeah that was my thought too!) 

So, Edmund writes a fake letter from “his brother” that alleges he’s plotting to overthrow their father and then hands the letter over to dear old Dad who exiles Edgar which kicks off the plot. 

But wait, you say? Phoenix was the one Kristoph ruined w/ the forged document, not Klavier, and you’d be right about that mostly. If you actually look at the timeline carefully, you’ll see that Kristoph ordering the forgery pre-dates his being fired as  Zak Gramarye’s  attorney. And as others have pointed out , there’s only one reason why he might do that.  

Kristoph was planning to use the fake diary page himself in court and present “indisputably compelling” fake evidence to get his client off. He was gonna use this forgery against his own brother, just to ensure he got what he wanted. Just like Edmund... (*mind blown*)

It’s only after he’s fired as Zak’s lawyer that Kristoph switches his animosity to Phoenix, setting him up to take the fall, because a Gavin court victory is still more valuable than that of a nobody--even if the wrong Gavin has to win the day. 

So yeah...that’s all she wrote so far. Hopefully, I’ll be able to pull my Claudius and Brutus thoughts together soon for a follow up.