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ellena-asg · 2 years ago

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From crossover episode (Touch of death, part II, NCIS: LA 3x21).

In one of my metas about Danny and his mental health I said that Scott perfectly showed all details of Danny's (and in general) anxiety, depression and abuse victimage. I also mentioned that Danny's body language is very clear to me (not only me here, I know from the feedback that there are more people with similar traumas *hugs*), it's like having, you know, victim radar (victim recognizes other victim, signals, something like that).

Yup. Danny's body speaks. Speaks very often. Sometimes speaks instead of Danny. Yes, Danny is strong. Damn strong. He can be bamf!Danny ♥️ He always fights. Oh yes. But he also suffers 😢 Mentally. Still. He can smile, he can joke, he can try to be brave, Mr I'm Okay and/or I'll Be Okay but the pain is still there inside him.

Sure, Danny often talks about things that make him anxious - but not about them all. So much is still inside him. And his body "knows it". His body shows it. His body "betrays" him. His body reacts - f.e. when he has anxiety attack (of any kind) and when those who mentally abused Danny are still (damn!) around him (Rachel, her mother Amanda - the cases we know from canon) or when someone mentions them (like Chin in the scene above - heh, this episode is just one of the many examples).

Yeah, here Chin mentions Amanda. Oh, he says the truth - it's a blood feud. Amanda made Danny's blood boil, living with her (and Rachel), I mean: being in this family, was a pure horror to Danny's mind. Friendly reminder: He was mentally abused, he was treated like a shit, like someone worse, someone who should meet other people's expectations/visions (his dreams? his passions? his emotions? there was no place for them - this family only played with his feelings). Who should beg. Who should feel guilty for everything. He was treated in a very unfair way (Grace too). Once he started hating himself, all what he loved (including job/saving people's lives), his own life (attempted suicide) - because of other people's (Hollander family) manipulations. He suffered as a father, as a human being and as a man too, I guess (cause Rachel's mother seems to have damn misandristic vibes 🙄 - or did she hate/humiliate "only" Danny and "only" for Danny being Danny? ehh). And he was punished for... for having enough. For wanting escape (from "sweet and kind her majesty Rachel"). For telling the truth about Rachel's toxic/manipulative/narcissistic character. For fighting for his beloved daughter and his parental rights. Huh.

Well, Steve knows well how Danny feels. What Danny says about Hollander family. Danny says it, many times and Steve listens. Danny's Stockholm syndrome, signs of it (oh, that's what Steve doesn't see in the Sarin episode) like "I should try with Rach again, it's, um, love" (plus him thinking that it's good for Gracie) are still there but mostly, thanks goodness, there's "What are you doing here, Rachel" and "I love you, Steve" (Steve is like cure, like antidote). Steve knows well that this family hurt/still hurts his Danno (and his Gracie). Well, Steve was at Rachel's (and Stan's) house and he witnessed Rachel's: "Now I'll humiliate you in front of your partner/new friend - by the way... you have friend? Someone likes you? Someone believes/protects you? It can't be!". Steve saw all her lies. Saw her games. Saw her character. Saw her war against Danny and Grace. So... Steve knows and he doesn't want Danny to be with this family again (yeah, he's jealous too but it's another topic 😉). And... Ohana of course knows too.

Chin knows. Danny trusts him. Steve trusts him. Chin knows and sees Danny's past as bloody. As painful to Danny. Blood feud 👉 Hollanders (Savage/Edwards). Exactly, Chino.

Chino, Chino, Chino. Ay, look, I love Chin very much. But he mentioned Amanda, mentioned the past and... Look at Danny. At his body (cause Danny tries to act like everything is okay), his body speaking (seriously, it's just a random example and one day I'll collect them all and write about them, I swear):

The very first reaction:

Silence. Damn silence. No smile. No laughter. No jokes. No sarcasm. Dead silence. What else? Clenched jaw. Narrowed eyes. Tension. Where's that Danny who just had fun with Chin, G and Sam?

He suffers.

I can feel his pain (Chin mentioned Amanda and bad memories came back). I can feel his frustration (cause Chin, seriously, why? and why here? why in front of non-Ohana guys? why you think they should know about Danny's trauma - and about this one caused by his ex mother-in-law?). His anger. Anxiety (panic) attack is coming.

Next reaction: Closed eyes. Mouth open.

Anxiety, anxiety attack. Breathe, he needs to breathe. Inhale, exhale, inhale... Damn, it's painful. Damn, they are there and they are watching.

Third reaction: Okay (it's not okay but it will be - Danny fights with himself, as always). Danny ignores Chin's words (safety).

He literally pretends he didn't hear that. Pretends that Chin didn't say that. He starts talking to G Cullen. He wants to talk about anything, he asks questions, he tries to draw G's (and Sam's) attention away from Chin's words, away from Amanda, from Rachel, from his old life. Chatty Williams is back. And huh, looks like boys didn't notice any change - good, thinks Danny. BUT YOUR BODY, DANNY... 😭

It was a painful moment. Chin means no harm and Danny knows it but still - bad memories (they're painful). Danny doesn't need them. Danny doesn't want to remember that he once had SUCH mother-in-law (oh, it's not just another story about a hahaha salty man and his hahaha "awful" mother-in-law and hahaha "awful" ex wife, nope - it's a sad story about a really anxious person and their really abusive "family"). SUCH past. Danny doesn't need Chin to mention it now or joke about it (Chin doesn't joke but tell it to the anxious mind). If Danny needs to rant about it - HE rants. If Chin wanted to say "Hey, I remember who hurt you and I'm with you" - it's lovely, he's a great friend and brother and Danny knows, Danny appreciates. But hell, it's not a good place, not a good situation, not... (plus: Danny is frustrated and worries now about the world/their case and especially about Steve and Steve's issues in Japan and when he thinks about his beloved one... boom! suddenly Chin summons "ghost" of cursed person).

It was a painful moment but Danny is strong. Strong again. He tries to focus on something safe. On anything not-damn-past-related. He's like "Let's talk about YOUR past instead, G". G mentioned his past earlier so it's okay to talk. And G's past is tied to their case. Damn, Danny can talk now even about the clouds outside - just no more talks about his past. Not now. Not when he doesn't need that.

Yes and no, Chin. Amanda (and Rachel) don't count - they're not Danny's family (never really were), they're not his Ohana. He doesn't need them, doesn't want them - he is forced to hear about them/to see them because of Gracie (for Gracie). But yes, they count - they count as blood feud. As those people who make Danny highly anxious and depressed. And highly angry.

His past. It still makes Danny's blood boil. He is still not safe. He still needs to heal. His body shouts. Meanwhile show writers: 😈

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positivelybeastly · 9 months ago

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Just a question regarding the whole fall of x depiction of the x-men. Do you think they deserved to fall? If so, then why?

In my opinion (and sorry for the rambling) I believe most deserved it but definitely not everyone. *cough cough* Quiet Council *cough cough*. But going beyond their…mess, teams like X-Force and Legionnaires I felt don’t deserve it completely. While yes the actions of beast prime did make their reputation that much dirtier it could’ve been avoided if there was therapy for mutants. All his and many others “evil” actions could be been avoided if everyone wasn’t like light years apart from each other despite being in the same area at the same time. Even then there just byproducts of a crappy system of lies and neglect from the stupid quiet council that only makes things worse some how. But that’s my thoughts…maybe you could change them.

Question for Hank in general. What are five words you would use to describe love in your life? It could be: friend ships, romantic relationships, or even (and probably considered a little confusing to others) your relationship to your work.

"Five words to describe love? Quite a task, considering what Ewan McGregor had to say on the subject."

"Oh, no. NO, NO, NO - !"

"All you need is love!"

"Love is just a game!"

"I was made for loving you, baby, you were made for loving me!"

"The only way of loving me, baby, is to pay a lovely fee~"

"Just one night, give me just one night~!"

"There's no way, 'cause you can't pay~"

"Oh, there he is! In the naaaaaame of love, one ni-ght in the name of love~!"

"You crazy fool, I won't give in to you~!"

"Don't - leave me this way, I can't survive without your sweet love, oh baby, don't leave me this way~"

There's a sound - Dark Beast is violently banging his head against the wall.

"Please. God. Please. Make. It. Stop."

"All right, fine, fine, we'll take it easy on you . . . five words to describe love in our life . . . nourishing."

"Regular! Skilful, too."

"Anchor."

"Betrayal."

"Oh, well, thanks for lowering the tone there, guy . . ."

So, I think a distinction does have to be drawn between X-Men and mutants, because the X-Men are a superhero team with various spin off groups, and the mutants are a race/community. For the most part, no, I don't think the mutants deserved to fall, and I don't think most of the teams or groups did, either.

Joe Public on Krakoa was just living their lives after said lives were rudely interrupted (if they were resurrected victims of the various massacres) or they were set to be persecuted by a world that hated and feared them. They didn't do shit to deserve being dive bombed by Nimrod or hunted down by Orchis fuckwads, they're just people living on an island utopia and trying to have a good time.

The Quiet Council, however, was a completely fucked system of government and everyone realised it way too late, so pretty much everyone involved in that institution deserves a smack upside the head and a long time away from any leadership position.

Yes, that does include Kate, Emma, Jean, Kurt and Ororo. They were all complicit in, at the very least, allowing X-Force's actions to go unmoderated, to say nothing of every other fucked up decision they signed off on.

I don't give a fuck if they stood in the Quiet Council chambers and said, oh, I miss when Hank was fun, why's he so unethical now - YOU'RE MEANT TO BE HIS FUCKING FRIENDS, CUNTS, ACT LIKE IT. Or at the very least, act like the fucking superheroes you're goddamn meant to be! Talk means nothing if it's not followed by action!

They didn't address the rot. Everyone in major leadership positions on Krakoa, yes, everyone, has to carry some of the blame for what happened to Krakoa. No, it wasn't just Beast, or Mr. Sinister, or Moira, all of them carry some responsibility for fumbling the bag and not addressing fundamental inequalities on their little happy island nation.

But 90% of the X-Men teams, who didn't have that knowledge, didn't have that power, who can't be held accountable for that stuff? Yeah, they didn't deserve what happened. Jubilee did not deserve to be crushed by Nimrod, no matter how you cut it, she simply did not. Same with every other member of that X-Men team, just to name one example.

X-Force, though . . . so, take all of this with a grain of salt, because this was quite possibly the worst written book of the era, and I know no-one was in character, BUT.

In-universe, with what is, unfortunately, canon?

Yeah, fuck those guys. All it takes for evil to flourish is that good men do nothing, and while no-one on that team can call themselves a good person, good god did they insist on doing a lot of nothing.

"Hmm, our leader was running a space Nazi prison, what should we do? Silent treatment. Brilliant."

Kill Quire a few extra times just for that. And for that shitty Ghost Calendars arc, while we're at it. Colossus, you're on my shit list for breaking Chronicler control and not telling anyone what was going on until the last second. Sage, you're an idiot, you and Logan both had the power to stop shit long before it got to the point it did. Domino, you . . . actually, Domino, Black Tom and Omega Red might get a pass here? I can't really blame them for what happened.

. . . Anyway! Mutants don't deserve genocide or the loss of the little scrap of the world they carved out for themselves. The Quiet Council and the leadership of X-Force, however, deserved everything they got, and quite possibly a hell of a lot more. That's the long and short of it.

#water-god19 #verse: another time and another place #verse: hated and feared #verse: getting by #verse: earth's mightiest!#verse: each of us is a nest of lies #outofmuffins

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mysticbewitched · 2 years ago

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hii! so lately i've been stuck on living my dream life like i always wanted this since forever since i was younger. seeing people getting into the void has discouraged me. i want to say that like i'm happy for everyone entering the void but i've been trying for months now and ngl i have been losing hope. that's sad to say coming from me. I have tried many ways but now idk i've been trying to not think about the void i've saturated my mind affirmed did everything i was supposed to. i even took many breaks from the void stopped putting it on the pedestal but i'm losing hope. tmr i have to go to this meeting with my teacher with my parents part of me just doesn't want to go anymore i hate being homeschooled i just wanna go back to regular school. and i just want to live my dream life fr. i have to get my desires before 1pm. i'm starting to feel worse everyday i laid in bed all day. i've been off meds for a year so i've been trying to blame my depression on that but now i'm noticing it's because i don't want to live like this anymore. i'm trying to be happy and persist but living day to day just not living the life i want and seeing everyone have theirs gets kinda depressing after trying for years yk. i have lifting my mood and other shit but i don't know anymore i've just been trying to not say things like maybe i am just not meant for this and maybe it not meant for me because i know it can mess up things for me but trying to be positive while not feeling like it just doesn't make anything better. what should i do? i don't wanna give up now.

sorry for the long paragraph again.

I want you to understand something very important. I need your full and complete attention on what I tell you, alright? Listen closely to what I say.

You are meant for amazing things, and you can absolutely manifest the life of your dreams. You deserve to live a beautiful life, and you can do it. You should never give up on yourself because you are way more powerful than you could ever believe.

You are the operant power of your reality, and you are in absolute control of every single aspect in your own reality. You have the magnificent power to manifest absolutely anything you desire, and you are simply not utilizing it. You keep seeing yourself as the powerless victim when you are the sole cause of your reality. This truth is meant to set you free and empower you.

The reason you are struggling is because you refuse to let go of the victim mentality, and you choose to fixate on the outside circumstances, even though it is all only a reflection of your dominant mindset. You are operating from the victim mentality, and you must understand that you cannot come to the game of conscious manifestation with a victim mindset if you want to be successful.

Your mindset will either be the cause of your glorious successes or frustrating failures.

Conscious manifestation is all a matter of mindset, and you need to realize that. It is important for you to truly understand that you just need to change your mindset, and the external world will bow down at your command. That's how powerful you truly are, but you refuse to accept it. You want to blame the outside world instead, and that kind of attitude is not going to get you your manifestations.

It is pointless to blame the outside world when you are the operant power of it all, and you have the power to change anything you desire in your favor, including achieving the void state. You can be successful, or you can continue to ignore the root cause of your struggles. Wake up from the victim mentality and realize you are infinitely powerful.

You will never have to struggle anymore once you truly accept yourself to be the creator of your reality and embrace who you truly are within. You are the cause of the conditions in your reality, and you need to embrace your power with faith in yourself.

Another thing, success stories should motivate you and excite you because if all these people can manifest their dream life, why couldn't you? You should look at all these success stories with the attitude of, "I can do that too, we have the same power." The only thing holding you back is the state of your mindset. You are the only one holding yourself back from success. Ditch the victim mentality and step into your power.

Lastly, you have not taken the void off of the pedestal because you are still viewing the state of your Godself as something outside of you and out of reach. It is only a state within you. The obsession with the void state needs to stop. It causes more harm than good. If you actually took the void off the pedestal, you would not still be remaining in victim mentality and battling self-doubt in your abilities.

You have the power to change everything in your favor. You can be successful and manifest your wild dreams with or without the void state. You have the power within you, so make it happen for yourself. I know that you can do it. You are powerful.

You don't need the void. You seriously need a change of mindset. You need confidence in yourself and your own abilities. That is what you are truly missing on the inside, and without self-belief and confidence in your abilities, you won't be able to be successful.

You are so much greater and more powerful than you believe yourself to be. This is the issue, don't you understand? I truly believe in you. You just need to believe in yourself. That's what you must understand. The victim mentality will get you nowhere, I promise you.

I highly recommend that you check out my guide on how to create your own subliminals for changing your mindset. It is the answer to your prayers.

Change your conception of yourself, and your outer world will conform to the change within.

"You are God, and your only opponent is yourself." - Neville Goddard

#loassumption #law of assumption #manifestation #manifesting #law of manifestation #neville goddard #void state #the void state

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bernardineshen · 7 months ago

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Day 9— Broken Poet Series

"Truth or Dare"

You spin the bottle and I get to choose.

I was always the girl who dared not to lose.

So I chose, "dare" cause that would be cool.

You love cool girls so for you, I'd be a fool.

Dare me to fall for you while you fell first

You did and as a follower, I regret the worse

Your turn. Don't know if you'll choose me

But you definitely choose to dare three

"Dare me to love you" and so I did

But it was only a dare, I forgot who I'm with

Your words are just words, why'd I believe?

I forgot that this is a game that you live

My turn next. Do we take turns or spin?

Confused cause you spin me to win

Dare me to stay while you have your way

But after everything, I know I am not okay

Your turn. But why do I not feel you?

Are you still here with me? Are we still two?

You miscounted. There's player three.

Is this the part that we get to be free?

Free of each other, or the lies, or the game

Free of the rules but we are still in-game

So, for my last two shots, I chose truth

But things asked are not always to be put

"Is it still me?" That was a dumb attempt.

If there's an option, let it not be my tempt.

Cause I deserve to be the only one for him

At least the truth won't make me your victim

You again. It was always you for me.

While you were making your mind and bee

I already know that I'll stick with thee

But you chose "dare" again. I dare to see.

I dared to see what changes if there ever be

You dared to see others while you see me

So you stopped calling me yours, your baby

I started doubting myself as I'm your maybe

Truth would be my last. I want us to last.

But no girl would stay in a broken glass.

The rose colored ones I used to kiss you.

Are the ones you used to break me in two.

So tell me, why come while you're broken?

Do you play to heal or get others stolen?

Words of affirmation but love's not spoken

So I waited for you to say, you've fallen.

Instead, we've got reasons why we fell out.

You loved me only for the cloud of clout

I once stopped loving her too, but not again.

This time, I only love those who love Shen.

Truth. I still want the truth with your help.

But this time, I'm going to give it to myself.

Because unspoken ones are also true

We just have to accept what became blue

So for your last, you still chose dare

Is your trauma that big of a scare?

I thought maturity comes in numbers

But yours come in big Papa and ex bears

So, yes, dare me to stay but this time,

I'm ready to lose even a million dime

I'll lose many including you but not myself

This time, I got to choose her in twelfth.

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azrielsbreedingkink · 8 months ago

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someone called rhys a literal r*pist in a reply to you saying things he did to Feyre have no bearing on how Nesta treated feyre. When did rhys force feyre to have sexual intorcource?.words have meaning and it's one thing to think that him making her dance and touching her was bad/inappropriate but to say he's a literal r*pist is so... The worst thing that person said has to be that he didn't pay for it.when he kissed feyre beacuse her and tamlin were being dumb,amarantha took it out on him more than usual,he litterally paid for that kiss.

I hate when characters that are being sexually abused get turned into that.I hate that sjm wrote it like that because even if I understand the situation and her intent, it can make others label someone with no sexual autonomy themself ”a literal r*pist” for touching someone’s thighs and hips with no ill intent. and it's worse when the victim of the "r*pe" isn't making the same accusation. I hate that this fandom can't have a genuine objective assessment of his actions utm.so many times it's just them using a sensitive subject to go after a character they dislike.

the way the fandom and sjm handles what happened to rhys and he's actions utm genuinely triggers me. like I have seen posts making light and even fun of what happened to him have so many likes just to then see those people be the first to act like he literally r*ped feyre when he touched her. sorry for the rant but I'm so☹️ hate when that word get tossed around. thanks for trying to gentle parent the fandom this place can be so triggering

Big mama bear hugs to you anon 🫶🏻

It took a long time for me to be able to try and be an active part of this fandom again. I’ve been called an abuse apologist and genocide supporter for liking Feysand. It doesn’t matter to them that I am a survivor of CSA and DV, or that I’m married to a man who is a survivor of DV. It doesn’t matter to them that I actively donate and speak up in real life about a REAL genocide that is happening. It would make me SO frustrated. Like, you don’t know me, what I’ve been through, how the hell can you even say that to someone?

Long story short, I realized that at the end of the day when I log off, I have a whole life and family to look forward to. I look out the window of my little house and can see a giant mountain surrounded by pines. There’s so much beauty in this world, and I truly believe a lot of the people who send hate messages can’t see that. They’re bringing in all these real world expectations into a world of fantasy because they want to BE in that fantasy world. They can’t separate it. And they think they have nothing else.

Like I said before, I genuinely understand people’s triggers to UTM. Just like I used to be very triggered by how tamlin treated feyre. But these people aren’t real. They aren’t our abusers. We cannot hold them to our standards and morals because they do not exist in this world. That does NOT mean we support their actions. Id be pissed if someone touched me without asking! But they cannot understand that contextually, the situation is not as bad as they make it out to be. I’m purposely rereading ACOTAR so I can see with my own eyes what ACTUALLY happened and all the factors involved.

If this fandom is causing you stress, please take care of yourself and walk away if needed. Antis can’t take away the joy you feel reading these books, so don’t let them try. I’m not perfect, I can be a snarky bitch. But I will always care more about the person behind the screen than anything else, including you! ❤️

#fandom bullshit #acotar

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dzthenerd490 · 2 years ago

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SCP-HMF: Addendum X-15

Warning! The following is to only be seen by administrators and O5 council members. If you are not of Level 5 Clearance, you will be exterminated by order of the O5 council!

SCANNING

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CHECKING RANK DATA OF VIEWER

...

RANK OF VIEWER CONFIRMED

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NO SIGNS OF TAMPERING DETECTED

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VIEWING OF ADDENDUM: X-15 APPROVED

"... The truth is that no one actually knowns when SCP-AVQ started showing up and we actually don't even know if it's really gave up after it failed all the other times. That's why its labeled as Object Class: Somnum, which isn't surprising since SCP-AVQ is the only reason that classification even exists. Anyways the best any of us could guess is that it showed up somewhere around 1967 to 1970.

The reason we can't tell is because one, it was so weak at first and relied on petty tricks like tricking people into dark alleyways or playing discarded U.S. government tapes that told people to kill themselves if terrorists invaded America... fucking Christ, I can't believe I actually used to work for the idiots that made those tapes. Anyways we just thought it was some anomalous pranksters or something but that's when IT showed up.

SCP-AVQ, the monster that was almost as bad as SCP-001: when day breaks. But unlike that bastard sun, It succeeded. In less than 24 hours, it killed 99.999% of the human race. Most that saw SCP-AVQ either died right away and those that didn't were hunted down by those that went insane. Then THEY showed up, His Knights they called themselves, thought we still have no idea who HE is. Anyways you saw how in this report that they were just as bad as the Faeries but in truth... they were so much worse. They were strong, thought as steel, so damn smart, even damn faster, and just being near them was enough to make you into one of their loyal slaves.

The Foundation lost, the GOC lost, the Horizon Initiative lost, The Eight Wings of Mekhane lost, The Three Moons Initiative lost, The Serpent’s Hand lost, The United Church of the Broken God lost, and for whatever ever reason the Black Queen's Insurgency showed up to help and surprise! They lost. Hell, even the Faeries came out of hiding to fight and even those fuckers lost. Though in all fairness they lasted longer than the Foundation or any of the other's did.

But that's not the point, the point is that we lost, never stood a fucking chance, we were all just wiped out and those of us left alive were either off world or as good as dead. I remember the first time the invasion happened, everyone just died so quick, and His Knights started eating, slaughtering and... uh... they did horrible things to people. Me and the other Council Members rounded up all the Alpha-1 Units that were available, got the best weapons and protective gear we could, and went straight for SCP-2000. If I had one word to describe that day, it would probably be... Lucky... as in luckiest day traveling through the darkest pits of hell. I was the only survivor when we finally activated SCP-2000.

You might be thinking that activating SCP-2000 will only make more victims for SCP-AVQ but uh that's actually not the case anymore. After the whole reality reset event that, as you know, caused all the new anomalies to manifest through time. Which is the reason why certain SCPs are labeled with letters instead of numbers. Anyways, me and the other Council Members agreed to make some major changes to the Foundation this included upgrading SCP-2000. it's like a literal time machine now and can even prevent the apocalyptic even that ended the world from happening again with a 75% success rate. I'm not too sure on how it works but I'm absolutely glad it does.

Thought that does lead to the second reason we can't tell exactly when SCP-AVQ started showing up... It's because SCP-AVQ forced us to use SCP-2000 so many damn times. I only remember activating it three times and form what the other Council members tell me it's actually been used eleven times thought it could possibly be more than that. Part of the new functions of SCP-2000 is that it resets people too and the whole cloning part is only to be used as a failsafe should someone not come back from the reset. Maybe that's why I don't remember, those fuckers not only killed me but mangled my corpse beyond repair and as such SCP-2000 had to make a clone as a replacement. Maybe that's why I don't remember using it more than three times or maybe that's a side effect of using SCP-2000 too much. Don't know and honestly stopped caring a while ago.

What I do know is that unlike all the other times we used SCP-2000, this apocalyptic event just kept coming back. Well SCP-AVQ doesn't belong in our reality so it's probably able to resist the effects of SCP-2000 to an extent. So yeah, it always kept coming back. We were all sick of it and rightfully so, but how exactly could we get rid of it? It kept showing up at random times and it killed people so fast we couldn't even stop it. Then one day Alpha-1 found another Factory, I was about to give the order to tear it down like we do with any other bit of that cancer flowing into our reality but then I remembered something. The document of SCP-001: the Factory, and that's when I got the horrible idea that somehow saved us all.

I instead formed up an escort team to have me escorted to The Factory at once, and well you know what happens in there. Monsters, nightmares, anomalies, all the things that even keeps Satan up at night. Then I finally made it to the office and that's where I found him... I honestly forgot his name and I really can't be fucked to remember... wait... James Anderson! That’s the fucker.

Anyways I heard that in each copy of The Factory he always comes in a different form. Sometimes he’s a rotting corpse, sometimes as a rusted robot, but this time he was made of fire. He wanted to know what I wanted, and I told him that if he was so hungry, he could eat SCP-AVQ and everything on it. He paused for a moment and then asked why he should bother with them, and he also asked that he was under no obligation to listen to the Foundation after the reality reset event. I told him he might as well do it since SCP-AVQ exists in another reality where it already conquered all life so there would be nothing to stop him when he conquers them.

He stood there quietly with the only noise he made being the flames that made up his body. Then he smiled at me and said he'd do it but that I was going to regret asking him for his help. Thats when the fire making up his body went out and the whole Factory came falling down. Then we never saw SCP-AVQ ever again since 2021, it's both out of sight and out of mind. I still don't know what the hell The Factory meant by 'I will regret asking it to take down SCP-AVQ.' Thought I think it's quite obvious it's going to come back to bite the Foundation right in the ass one day. So, you know, here to hoping that day never comes. The best outcome would be if The Factory and SCP-AVQ destroyed one another but that would require a lot of good luck and that’s the one resource the Foundation ran out of a long time ago.

Oh, and by the way, before I end this recording. I know you're not actually a Level 5 Clearance staff, but if you are I apologize, this message isn't meant for you. But for the one I am talking too, and you know who you are, then you might want to listen up. Don't worry I'm not going to kill you and Alpha-1 isn't coming toward your location right now to purge you. no, no, no. We already tried killing your predecessors but by doing so that just inspired you to show up. We already tried amnestizing you and setting up Memetic traps, but you always found a way passed them. And you already hacked your way through several highly classified documents like this one and got passed every lock and passcode despite our AI's best efforts to stop you. That's why I set up this trap right here.

You see this wasn't just another one of the Foundation's dirtiest secrets. This was the biggest trap we've ever set up for people like you. People who want to find and stare into the abyss and scream to the whole world what they saw. But now you can't, you see what you've been reading has a hidden memetic. Don't bother stop reading it already took effect on you. The memetic was hidden in the writing and it already took effect the moment you finished reading the 11th paragraph.

Now when you try to talk to anyone who isn't associated with the Foundation you won't be able to talk, you won't be able to type, write, or even sign it. You can no longer tell anyone anything about what the Foundation works on and as time goes on, you'll feel the need to keep the secrets you know willingly, to help your fellow Foundation staff keep these things contained. You know what they say, the best way to defeat your enemy is to make them your friend.

One day, you’ll remember that you've been put under the influence of this memetic, but you won't care anymore at that point. You'll just continue to put the utmost devotion into working for the Foundation. So, forget about your friends, your old life, and your family; this is your life now, the Foundation. You can either accept your place here now or let yourself get absorbed by it later. it's your choice... welcome to the family." -Council Member O5-1

#DZtheNerd #SCP: Horror Movie Files #SCP Foundation #scp fanfiction #scp au #scp staff #analog horror #local 58 #O5 Council

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notafunkiller · 2 years ago

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My honest opinion about Karen Page

I am genuinely curious how people can like Karen Page as a character and even ship her with Matt, because I don’t think I’ve disliked a character so much probably ever. Karen Page got on my nerves fast and, as I watched more episodes, it got even worse.

About her

For someone who is supposed to be smart (and the definition of good), she is very stupid. The way she thinks and chooses to act makes no sense 99% of the time. She is more of a bad character than a good one. Even her “sense of justice” is flawed, with many double standards (a subject I will touch on especially when I’ll describe her relations with Matt Murdock and Frank Castle). She is arrogant, troublesome, and headstrong, she calls herself and is considered a journalist despite her lack of real experience (law experience too!!! -> so why is she now included in the firm name? SINCE WHEN IS SHE A LAWYER? I could not believe it!)

She is written in a very annoying way and flat. She is a flat character in the first place (=two-dimensional in doesn’t change throughout the work), kept around for 3 seasons (+The Defenders) for no other reason than the fact she is problematic. But she isn’t necessarily needed for creating drama if we had more villain(s) scenes and plans. She is boring and whiny, and she has a pick-me attitude most of the time. She is not just impulsive, but also extremely FOOLISH (the way she decides to go to Fisk and spill out in his face she killed Wesley... I was like: seriously?) And the writers make other characters praise her... I still find is shocking Matt only said she was brave for what she did. She is VERY judgmental and noisy and thinks the world revolves around her (The fact that when she came to Matt in S2 and found Stick and a very visibly hurt Elektra in his bed, she did not ask a goddamn thing like what happened? instead everything was about her and how she is betrayed. But like another man was in the room, you think he cheated on you with him there? Absolutely ridiculous.) But she loves to play the victim a lot, so I am not surprised.

I don’t know how the writers thought a pretty, angelic face can make the audience (and the characters) ignore her lack of development (zero) and the horrible things she does/provokes. She caused deaths and yet the writers still make others find excuses for her and not blame her.

NewsFlash: SHE IS DARK AND SHE LOVES DARKNESS. I am not even talking about a side, she is completely into PURE DARKNESS with only 1% of light.

When out of the blue, she decided to murder James Wesley despite him only threatening her, it was like ??? And she did not shoot him one time, she did it 7 times. SEVEN. And she did not even try to be cautious (locking the firm door was a joke, right? Cause I refuse to believe writers consider the audience so stupid) and caused another death: Ben, a real journalist she dragged around with her despite him wanting a way out. Fisk killed him with his own hands and Ben didn’t tell him Karen (who is the one who came up with the idea) also visited his mother. We don’t see justice, we only see her being treated as a victim again. And she didn’t even actually help to get Fisk in prison in S1 and in S2 she is a babysitter (Foggy and Matt’s) and a murderer defender (*pretending to be shocked*). S3? I was surprised by how much screen time she had (+A WHOLE EPISODE ABOUT HER)... sometimes more than Matt and it made me so unhappy because this screen time could have been used to build more. For me, the second half of S3 is not even centered on Matt.

And she caused the death of another character, a pivotal person in Matt’s life: Father Lantom and we don’t talk enough about this. I am also not surprised Maggie and her get along, they are both two selfish, horrible people who think a few tears are enough to be excused.

The writers tried to make her relevant, but they failed. The way she was basically forced down my throat made me see her flaws even more. She is not even a character than has enough traits to be a part of the main team. In S1, the contrast between her and Claire was huge (and Claire was just a supportive character). And it’s funny how they changed the love interests - direction. At first, we saw Foggy and her bonding, Ms. Cardenas hinted about them being romantically involved, but then they literally ignored that and started to focus on Karen with Matt, then Karen and Frank (still unfinished business), and a little more on Karen and Matt again, but the show on Netflix got canceled. To be honest, the last thing I wanted and want is to see Matt and Karen together.

Not gonna lie, I expected and wanted her death at the church because she is literally pointless, but it didn’t come. It would have been a surprise if they actually did it as in the comics. It would have impacted Matt and Foggy, and Matt’s decision not to kill Fisk at the end of the season would have been even more powerful and meaningful.

One of her defining features is hypocrisy. Matt is the bad guy for keeping secrets from her, but her hiding and lying, for example not telling him and Foggy about Wesley is okay. Matt being Daredevil and not killing people is not fine, but Frank being The Punisher (a freaking cold blood murderer) is more than fine. She was so happy when Matt defended him in court... it’s insane! She can be a bad friend, a liar, etc because she is special. It was hilarious when she started to give advice to Matt about how you change after ending someone's life. Shocking! And poor her, how she isn’t the same after her brother died because of her. See how she positions herself as the victim again?

It’s also very interesting how at first she tells matt (S3) she came to warn him Fisk knows about him, leaving out the part she basically told Wilson that he is Daredevil, and only later she plays semi-victim again and says she is to blame, and, OF COURSE, Matt says Fisk already knew (which is actually pretty false: he assumed, but it was never 100% confirmed) and comforts her basically. It’s absolutely infuriating how Karen messes up every freaking time and everyone goes: oh, poor you, you’re an angel, it’s okay, it’s not your fault. I am even more disappointed how the writers didn’t make Matt even have a proper reaction to her admitting she killed someone. S2 and S3 feel like two completely different writing approaches, and even though the plot in S2 made me think: IS THIS A JOKE?, Matt and the characters building speaking, it was soooo much better (not the love triangle thing though, because both: Elektra and Karen don’t deserve Matt and are horrible in two different ways).

She is a manipulative, self-centered, and dramatic person. We saw her past (drug addiction too) and how easily she can make the decision to kill someone, but she never actually faces real consequences. Her father kept it underground and Matt still protected her from Fisk.

Karen around Matt Murdock/Daredevil and Frank Castle/The Punisher

Matt and Karen not only don’t have chemistry (Charlie and Deborah have plenty of chemistry with other people), but they also don’t match at all no matter how much the fans and the writers push(ed) the idea.

Karen does not want Matt Murdock (she liked the idea of him at some point, but not the real him), and she certainly doesn’t want Daredevil, which is quite funny (Remember when she was obsessed with the idea of him, but when she found out it’s Matt, she wasn’t interested any longer?). Should I even talk about the way she wanted Matt to stop being Daredevil and not even for a second tried to support or/and understand him? SHE didn’t want him to be Daredevil so he should stop. Even when Foggy brought him the suit in The Defenders, she was annoyed. She doesn’t understand that her boss/friend/almost-boyfriend has two sides, just like Elektra tried to have only one side of him. Matt isn’t just Matt. I really loved the She-Hulk posters for Matt: Charlie Cox is Matt Murdock & Matt Murdock is Daredevil. Do you see? It’s such an important thing. Daredevil/Matt isn’t dark enough for her. He isn’t what she wants.

And Karen doesn’t have the same moral code as Matt does (even when he thought about killing Fisk to protect the people close to him). They don’t see the world in a similar way and they never will. I don’t think Matt and Karen would have ever lasted even if Elektra wasn’t around, they are too different. She is dark, like Elektra. She wanted to change him, like Elektra. She doesn’t accept him as a whole, like Elektra. But, at least, Elektra accepted how toxic and bad she is for him. Karen is portrayed as a victim and a great, great person, as I said.

S2 had this scene in episode 7 that made it clear to me that Karen and Matt could and MUST never be together. I don’t even know if I have to explain, the dialogue is quite clear:

youtube

Not only Karen stood up for Frank Castle (who almost got her killed, killed so many people, and should be in jail), but she also compared his actions to Daredevil’s actions. She justifies murder probably because she did it too. Matt and Karen are in opposite positions and the message is loud: they could never be together. Not killing people is the fundamental principle Daredevil/Matt has, the one that makes him who he is actually. Things would be completely different if he actually took someone’s life (bad or not) for lawyer Matt and Daredevil.

For Matt: Vengeance isn’t justice and no person is God so he can decide who lives and who dies. In She-Hulk: Attorney At Law (1x08), Matt tells Jennifer: I think you’re in a unique position to do some real good. Jen Walters can use the law to help people when society fails them. She-Hulk can help people when the law fails them; which reminds me of his talk with Foggy in S1 when he finds out Matt is Daredevil:

youtube

It shows his views didn’t change and it’s quite moving to see Matt giving someone else (someone in the same position as he is) this piece of advice. It shows he finally accepted he has two sides, despite everyone else’s attempts to control him.

Their date in S2 started as quite a disaster: in a place Matt despites, awkward, and tensed, and then Elektra called! It was clear what the writers wanted to show (despite them having a better date later) and it was also clear Matt wasn’t 100% healed and that Karen and Matt were never going to be serious. So no matter how much they tries in the seconds part of S3 to push Karen and Matt closer, it looked forced, out of the place. Especially since she felt something for Frank Castle and the things that happened in the first part of the season.

Also, I can’t believe the writers made Matt reveal his face to Agent Nadeem cause he saved Karen’s life. This is infuriating.

And as much as Matt probably likes the idea of peaceful life, he would never be happy with Karen, nor make her happy. Because there will always be that Murdock side of him she will never understand just like it will always be the killer side of her he would never understand.

Matt: You deserve better, Karen… Karen: So do you... (The Defenders, 1x05)

Frank, on the other hand, and her match. Crazy, right? But they did from day 1, even in the worst situations. She always felt drawn to him and she did not use the innocent facade as she did with Matt (Can you believe she kind of blamed him for not telling him the truth about Wesley cause he saw her as an innocent person?). She was there for him, he was there for her. They were attracted to each other (despite him still being emotionally unavailable because he is scared he’d lose her). She would rather be with him than with Matt 100% because they are similar. She had the nerve to defend his actions and mindset in Matt’s house after all. But they really match and I really believe she should be with him and live somewhere far away from Hell’s Kitchen.

Frank: I need to find these b*stards that took 'em from me. I gotta kill 'em. Karen: So where does that end, Frank? Because I look at you and... my heart breaks because all I can see is just this endless, echoing loneliness. Frank: I'm not lonely, Karen. Karen: Bullsh*t. We are all lonely. I sometimes think that that is all that life is, we're just... We're just fighting not to be alone. Frank: So what do you want? What should I do? Should I let it go? Karen: No, but I want there to be an after. For you. (The Punisher, 1x05)

In conclusion, Karen Page is not a good character despite the writers’ efforts to show otherwise. She puts everyone in danger and never pays for her mistakes and actions.

P.S. I will say this again: no, she did not deserve to be next to Nelson and Murdock: Attorneys At Law.

#my opinion #daredevil #karen page #frank castle #matt murdock #foggy nelson

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cptsd-skywalker · 3 years ago

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"...possibly sexual abuse given his relationship to Palpatine included going to bars and sharing the same sleeping quarters during that time. He also touches Anakin in super creepy ways in ROTS novelization that recalled me to my own abuse..."

You don't want to know how long my internal screaming and sick feeling over seeing Palpatine touch Anakin (who did NOT want to be touched) on screen took to click. Because I honestly confused being molested with being physically abused as a child. But once I realized...I.

And Palpatine KEPT putting himself alone with children too. No one saw. And for Anakin coming from Tatooine? It could have been worse he thinks. It's just the cost of social climbing. It's what HAPPENS to people like. He would have normalized it because of his history of trauma. And no one thought to check.

As a trauma survivor, watching anytime Palpatine touches Anakin in a frankly sensual way on the shoulder or arms in TCW or the Prequals always makes my stomach churn. It’s very predatory. It always reminds me of my own abuser. It’s part of the reason I headcannon him as explicitly sexually abusing him, though in cannon the covert sexual abuse is bad enough.

This is the definition of child grooming.

Palpatine purposefully exposes Anakin to sexually explicit and inappropriate situations to destroy his boundaries little by little, while also cultivating a relationship of closet close secrecy. He makes Anakin feel safe with him while slowly turning up the temperature in Anakin’s pot until he is boiling and none the wiser. As a child, he knows Anakin is desperate for a real connection to family after being separated from his mother. He knows that Anakin is vulnerable and that he has the Jedi at his mercy, so he uses that power to get Anakin alone to have private talks with the child in his private rooms. Deeply inappropriate at best and blatant CSA coding at worst.

You are not the only one to notice inappropriately sexual undertones in thier relationship. Just look at their exchange whenever Anakin is turned to the darkside. Anakins boundaries have been so thoroughly destroyed that he feels totally culpable with Palpatine even though at this point he has only actually attacked 1 Jedi. He technically speaking could turn back, but because of the grooming and secrecy and the isolation that Palpatine has inflicted on Anakin; Anakin feels as though he is just as guilty when in reality he is a victim. That is exactly how child predators keep their victims from telling. They tell their victims that they wanted the abuse and that they are just as guilty as the abuser, that they won’t be believed or will even be punished, that they will loose everything they love. In this case for Anakin it means loosing his place in the Jedi Order, loosing Obi Wan as a friend, and loosing Padme his only love. For Anakin, he is choosing the option where at least he can save one of those options, while the other two are a foregone conclusion. He believes because of the conditioning he’s been under since he was 9 by both the Jedi and Palpatine that he is a lost cause the moment he so much as toes the line of the darkside, which is of course a sunken cost fallacy that he has already sold his soul to the devil.

The sexual imagery in the scene wherein Anakin is on his knees and in total submission to Palpatines whims is not lost on me @komikbookgeek. It smacks of the power dynamic of an abuser who has completely subdued their victim into emotional slavery, and it is not a coincidence that many 18+ fics have interpreted the scene after as a sexual one. It’s a clear coding of their power dynamic reading to me the same as when my father sexually abused me. He told me that I had “done it once and liked it” so the other times made no difference. He had already sullied me, so me telling him no was a mute point and entirely unreasonable. I believed him much like Anakin believes Palpatine. You are already worthless to them. But you have great use for me. It is so heartbreaking to me that Anakin remains trapped in that horrific cycle for the next 20 years.

This scene was no accident in my opinion:

https://cptsd-skywalker.tumblr.com/post/688946571446026240/anakincito-this-scene-is-insane-bc-the

@merrysithmas

@that-gay-jedi

@synapticjive

@rogue205

@gch1995

@komikbookgeek

@tragicfantasy-girl

@fanfic-lover-girl

@ignobleknight

@mynameisanakin

@wingletblackbird

@dashingaudacity

#anakin skywalker #anakin was groomed and abused by palpatine isn’t even a hot take #Palpatine #emperor palpatine #darth sidious #Darth vader #wow that got dark #but it needed to be said #grooming #smacks of csa coding #anakin star wars #star wars #anakin needs therapy #darth vader

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hoardingpuffin · 2 years ago

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Autistic Person reacts to Autistic Representation in Young Royals Season 2

Spoiler Warning for Young Royals Season 2

Soooo I just finished Season 2 of Young Royals and oh boi, I have thoughts. In general, but about Sara in particular. I was curious about her arc in the second season, purely cause she is one of the most complex autistic characters I have seen in recently produced media, even though I couldn't relate to her particularily much.

This has changed now that I have seen Season 2 Episode 6. I will be honest, for the first 5 episodes, I didn't like what they did with Sara. I really didn't. I thought her arc with August was weird, though I did like seeing a driven autistic character who does things to get what she wants instead of being a flimsy, quirky kid who doesn't know what she is doing, but episode 6 changed that for me.

One thing that many autistic people experience, is that we take people at face value, until we don't anymore. Most autistic people have been victims of bullying and emotional manipulation, without realizing. We tend to be literal, and in general - unless we learned differently, usually as a follow-up to us being told to not always say what we think - we are very honest and blunt. In return we expect other people to act the same. This continues until the point where we realize that this isn't true, that people don't always say what they mean. In many cases, including my own life, this realization doesn't come until a few times of believing someone was our friend only to have them humiliate, betray or hurt you. And from that point on we tend to turn into metaphorical snails pulling back into our shells. If we don't put ourselves out, we cannot be hurt again.

Sara to me seems like someone learning this lesson at the end of season 2. She genuinely believed August because she, in her mind, didn't have a reason to think he might not mean exactly what he was saying. This was made worse by her maybe also wanting to see good in him, as per the metaphorical rose-coloured glasses of being in love. So whilst she made a mistake, a grave one, and made a lot of things worse with her actions, I don't think she meant to. I think she honestly didn't think August would do what he did. And honestly, the scene where the other girls, and especially Felice call her out, in very direct and hurtful words, she became relatable to me. I never was in her exact situation, but I was in a situation where I thought I did something the way I was supposed to, and ended up being called a liar and other nasty things. Some context: In sixth grade, I made up a boyfriend, because every girl talked about the boys they liked and I felt like I needed to belong. It seemed like a rule nobody had thought to inform me of, but that everyone else knew. So, I tried following the rule, and I lied up a boyfriend named Tom. Not smart, sure, but I was 12 or 13 and hadn't gotten to a place where I was happy being the weird kid yet. When it came out that I had lied, my classmates called me out in front of everyone and painted me out to be a manipulative liar and a fake friend and I felt terrible. I felt like I had ruined every chance at ever being anybody's friend ever again. And again, that was me at about 13. I had already had two friendships end badly, and some very traumatic experiences before that point. So I came to the conclusion of "if I don't put myself out there nobody can hurt me or use me" very early. Sara, evidently, comes to this conclusion at 18.

I don't want to defend her actions. I just think there might be more to this arc for her than many people seem to see. I have seen posts about Sara being a cunt, a manipulator, a terrible friend, a piece of shit - those are all quotes. I wish I was lying. I think Sara genuinely regrets it - her mistakes, because they were mistakes. She is not some cunning, terrible person, a mastermind trying to ruin her brother's and her friends' lives. She just made a mistake because she believed the wrong person, and she pays the price. She lost her friends, her safety net, her relationship with her brother is ruined. Trust me, that is punishment enough. I have been there.

It's also nice - well, not nice, but realistic - to see how her allistic friends react. They don't believe her, they are confused how she could possibly have been so "stupid" to believe a guy they all thought was so obviously terrible. They also don't try to see it from her point of view. To them, it is a clear-cut case. Because yeah, that is a realistic portrayal of how allistic people often act toward autistic people making a mistake, especially when they themselves don't understand much about autism.

I think that is all I got to say for now, about this. Just one last message, to the allistic Young Royals fans who are currently on Tumblr, Twitter, Tiktok, shaming her character for being so very terrible, I implore you to think. To reseach on autism a bit. To listen to the autistic people in this fandom. And to take a page from the book of autistic people and take her word at face value when she says that she didn't realize August was lying to her, and that she is sorry.

#young royals season 2 #young royals spoilers #young royals sara #young royals autism #autistic representation #autistic characters #autistic trauma #sara eriksson #actually autistic #autism spectrum disorder

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warsofasoiaf · 4 years ago

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Writing Characters With Believable Military PTSD

I typically write these writing and worldbuilding essays from a dispassionate perspective, offering advice and context to prospective writers from as neutral a point of view as I can manage, with the goal being to present specific pieces of information and broader concepts that can hopefully improve writing and build creators’ confidence to bring their projects to fruition, whether that be writing, tabletop gaming, video game programming, or anything that suits their fancy. While writing this essay though, I struggled to maintain that perspective. Certainly, the importance of the topic to me was a factor, but ultimately, I saw impersonality just as a suboptimal presentation method for something so intensely personal. I do maintain some impartiality particularly in places where historical or academic context is called for, but in other respects I’ve opted for a different approach. Ultimately, this essay is a labor of love for me, love for those who suffer from military PTSD, love for those who love those who suffer from it, and love for writers who want to, in the way that they so choose, help those two other groups out. Thus, this is a different type of essay in certain segments than my usual fare; I hope the essay isn’t an unreadable chimera because of it.

This essay focuses on military-related PTSD. While there are some concepts that translate well into PTSD in the civilian sphere, there are unique elements that do not necessarily fit the mold in both directions, so for someone hoping to write a different form of PTSD, I would recommend finding other resources that could better suit your purposes. I also recommend using more than one source just in general, trauma is personal and so multiple sources can help provide a wide range of experiences to draw upon, which should hopefully improve any creative work.

And as a final introductory note, traumatic experiences are deeply personal. If you are using someone you know as a model for your writing, you owe it to that person to communicate exactly what you are doing and to ask their permission every step of the way. I consider it a request out of politeness to implore any author who uses someone else’s experiences to inform their writing in any capacity, but when it comes to the truly negative experiences in someone’s life, this rises higher from request to demand. You will ask someone before taking a negative experience from their own life and placing it into your creative works, and you will not hide anything about it from them. Receiving it is a great sign of trust. The opposite is a travesty, robbing someone of a piece of themselves and placing it upon display as a grotesque exhibit. And if that sounds ghoulish and macabre, it’s because it is, without hyperbole. Don’t do it.

Why Write PTSD?

What is the purpose of including PTSD in a creative work? There have been plenty of art therapy actions taken by those who suffer PTSD to create something from their condition, which can be as profound for those who do not have it as it is therapeutic for those that do, but why would someone include it in their creative works, and why is some no-name guy on the internet writing an essay offering tips as to how to do it better?

Certainly, one key element is that it’s real, and it happens. If art is to reflect upon reality, PTSD suffered by soldiers is one element of that, so art can reflect it, but what specifically about PTSD, as opposed to any other facet of existence? Author preference certainly plays a factor, but why would someone try to include something that is difficult to understand and difficult to portray? While everyone comes to their own reason, I think that a significant number of people are curious about what exactly goes on in the minds of someone suffering through PTSD, and creative works allow them a way to explore it, much the way fiction can explore scenarios and emotions that are either unlikely or unsafe to explore in reality. If that’s the case, then the purpose of this essay is rather simple, to make the PTSD examination more grounded in reality and thus a better reflection of it. But experiences are unique even if discernable patterns emerge, so in that sense, no essay created by an amateur writer with no psychological experience could be an authoritative take on reality, the nature of which would is far beyond the scope of this essay.

For my own part, I think that well-done creative works involving PTSD is meant to break down the isolation that it can cause in its wake. Veterans suffering may feel that they are alone, that their loved ones cannot understand them and the burden of trying to create that would simply push them away; better instead to have the imperfect bonds that they currently have than risk losing them entirely. For those who are on the outside looking in, isolation lurks there as well, a gulf that seems impossible to breach and possibly intrusive to even try. Creative works that depict PTSD can help create a sense that victims aren’t alone, that there are people that understand and can help without demeaning the sense of self-worth. Of course, another element would be to reduce the amount of poorly-done depictions of PTSD. Some creative works use PTSD as a backstory element, relegating a defining and important element of an individual’s life as an aside, or a minor problem that can be resolved with a good hug and a cry or a few nights with the right person. If a well-done creative work can help create a bridge and break down isolation, a poorly-done one can turn victims off, reinforcing the idea that no one understands and worse, no one cares. For others, it gives a completely altered sense of what PTSD is and what they could do to help, keeping them out, confusing them, or other counter-productive actions. In that sense, all the essay is to help build up those who are doing the heavy lifting. I’m not full of so much hubris as to think this is a profound piece of writing that will help others, but if creators are willing to try and do the hard work of building a bridge, I could at least try to help out and provide a wheelbarrow.

An Abbreviated Look At The Many Faces and Names of PTSD Throughout History

PTSD has been observed repeatedly throughout human history, even when it was poorly understood. This means that explorations of PTSD can be written in settings even if they did not have a distinctly modern understanding of neurology, trauma, or related matters. These historical contexts are also useful for worldbuilding a believable response in fictional settings and scenarios that don’t necessarily have a strict analogue in our own history. By providing this historical context, hopefully I can craft a broad-based sense of believable responses to characters with PTSD at a larger level.

In the time of Rome, it was understood by legionnaires that combat was a difficult endeavor, and so troops were typically on the front lines engaged in combat for short periods of time, to be rotated back for rest while others took their place. It was considered ideal, in these situations, to rotate troops that fought together back so that they could rest together. The immediate lesson is obvious, the Romans believed that it was vital for troops to take time to process what they had done and that was best served with quiet periods of rest not just to allow the adrenaline to dissipate (the "combat high"), but a chance for the mind to wrap itself around what the legionnaire had done. The Romans also recognized that camaraderie between fellow soldiers helped soldiers to cope, and this would be a running theme throughout history (and remains as such today). Soldiers were able to empathize with each other, and help each other through times of difficulty. This was not all sanguine, however, Roman legions depended on their strong formations, and a soldier that did not perform their duty could endanger the unit, and so shame in not fulfilling their duty was another means to keep soldiers in line. The idea of not letting down your fellow soldiers is a persistent refrain in coping with the traumas of war, and throughout history this idea has been used for both pleasant and unpleasant means of keeping soldiers in the fight.

In the Middle Ages, Geoffroi de Charny wrote extensively on the difficulties that knights could experience on the campaign trail in his Book of Chivalry. The book highlights the deprivation that knights suffered, from the bad food and poor sleep to the traumatic experience of combat to being away from family and friends to the loss of valued comrades to combat and infection; each of these is understood as a significant stressor that puts great strain on the mental health of soldiers up to today. De Charny recommended focusing on the knightly oaths of service, the needs of the mission of their liege, and the duty of the knight to serve as methods to help bolster the resolve of struggling knights. The book also mentions seeking counseling and guidance from priests or other confidants to help improve their mental health to see their mission through. This wasn’t universal, however. Some severely traumatized individuals were seen as simple cowards, and punished harshly for their perceived cowardice as antithetical to good virtue and to serve as an example.

World War I saw a sharp rise in the reported incidents of military-related PTSD and new understandings and misunderstandings. The rise in the number of soldiers caused a rise in cases of military PTSD, even though the term itself was not known at the time. Especially in the early phases of the war, many soldiers suffering from PTSD were thought to be malingering, pretending to have symptoms to avoid being sent to the front lines. The term “shell shock” was derived because it was believed that the concussive force of artillery bombardment caused brain damage as it rattled the skull or carbon monoxide fumes would damage the brain as they were inhaled, as a means to explain why soldiers could have physical responses such as slurred speech, lack of response to external stimuli, even nigh-on waking catatonia, despite not being hit by rifle rounds or shrapnel. This would later be replaced by the term “battle fatigue” when it became apparent that artillery bombardment was not a predicative indicator. Particularly as manpower shortages became more prevalent, PTSD-sufferers could be sent to firing squads as a means to cow other troops to not abandon their post. Other less fatal methods of shaming could occur, such as the designation “Lack of Moral Fibre,” an official brand of cowardice, as an attempt to shame the members into remembering their duty. As the war developed, and understanding grew, better methods of treatment were made, with rest and comfort provided to slight cases, strict troop rotations observed to rotate men to and from the front lines, and patients not being told that they were being evacuated for nervous breakdown to avoid cementing that idea in their mind. These lessons would continue into World War II, where the term “combat stress reaction” was adopted. While not always strenuously followed, regular rotations were adopted as standard policy. This was still not universal, plenty of units still relied upon bullying members into maintaining their post despite mental trauma.

The American military promotes a culture of competence and ability, particularly for the enlisted ranks, and that lends itself to the soldier viewing themselves in a starkly different fashion than a civilian. Often, a soldier sees the inability to cope with a traumatic experience as a personal failure stemming from the lack of mental fortitude. Owning up to such a lack of capability is tantamount to accepting that they are an inferior soldier, less capable than their fellows. This idea is commonly discussed, and should not be ignored, but it is far from the only reason. The military also possesses a strong culture of fraternity that obligates “Don’t be a fuckup,” is a powerful motivating force, and it leads plenty of members of the military to ignore traumatic experiences out of the perceived need not to put the burden on their squadmates. While most professional militaries stress that seeking mental health for trauma is not considered a sign of weakness, enlisted know that if they receive mental health counseling, it is entirely likely that someone will have to take their place in the meantime. That could potentially mean that another person, particularly in front-line units, are exposed to danger that they would otherwise not be exposed to, potentially exacerbating guilt if said person gets hurt or killed. This is even true in stateside units, plenty of soldiers don’t report for treatment because it would mean dumping work on their fellows, a negative aspect of unit fraternity. Plenty of veterans also simply never are screened for mental health treatment, and usually this lends to a mentality of “well, no one is asking, so I should be fine.” These taken together combine to a heartbreaking reality, oftentimes a modern veteran that seeks help for mental trauma has often coped silently for years, perhaps self-medicating with alcohol or off-label drug usage, and is typically very far along their own path comparatively. Others simply fall through the cracks, not being screened for mental disorders and so do not believe that anything is wrong; after all, if something was wrong, surely the doctors would notice it, right? The current schedule of deployments, which are duration-based and not mission-based, also make it hard for servicemembers to rationalize their experiences and equate them to the mission; there’s no sense of pairing suffering to objectives the way that de Charnay mentioned could help contextualize the deprivation and loss. These sorts of experiences make the soldier feel adrift, and their suffering pointless, which is discouraging on another level. It is one thing to suffer for a cause, it’s another not to know why, amplifying the feelings of powerlessness and furthering the isolation that they feel.

Pen to Page - The Characters and Their Responses

The presentation of PTSD within a character will depend largely on the point-of-view that the author creates. A character that suffers from PTSD depending on the presence of an internal or external point-of-view, will be vastly different experiences on page. Knowing this is essential, as this will determine how the story itself is presenting the disorder. Neither is necessarily more preferable than the other, and is largely a matter of the type of story being told and the personal preference of the author.

Internal perspectives will follow the character’s response from triggering event to immediate response. This allows the author to present a glimpse into what the character is experiencing. In these circumstances, remember that traumatic flashbacks are merely one of many experiences that an average sufferer of PTSD can endure. In a visual medium, flashbacks are time-effective methods to portray a character reliving portions of a traumatic experience, but other forms of media can have other tools. Traumatic flashbacks are not necessarily a direct reliving of an event from start to finish, individuals may instead feel sudden sharp pains of old injuries, be overwhelmed by still images of traumatic scenes or loud traumatic sounds. These can be linked to triggers that bring up the traumatic incident, such as a similar sight, sound, or smell. These moments of linkage are not necessarily experienced linearly or provide a clear sequence of events from start to finish (memory rarely is unless specifically prompted), and it may be to the author’s advantage to not portray them as such in order to communicate the difficulty in mental parsing that the character may be experiencing. Others might be more intrusive, such as violently deranged nightmares that prevent sleep. The author must try to strike a balance between portraying the experience realistically and portraying it logically that audience members can understand. The important thing about these memories is that they are intrusive, unwelcome, and quite stressful, so using techniques that jar the reader, such as the sudden intrusive image of a torn body, a burning vehicle, or another piece of the traumatic incident helps communicate the disorientation. Don't rely simply on shock therapy, it's not enough just to put viscera on the page. Once it is there, the next steps, how the character reacts, is crucial to a believable response.

When the character experiences something that triggers their PTSD, start to describe the stress response, begin rapidly shortening the sentences to simulate the synaptic activity, express the fight-flight-freeze response as the character reacts, using the tools of dramatic action to heighten tension and portraying the experience as something frightful and distinctly undesirable. The triggering incident brings back the fear, such as a pile of rubble on the side of the road being a potential IED location, or a loud firework recalling the initial moments of an enemy ambush. The trauma intrudes, and the character falls deep into the stress response, and now they react. How does this character react? By taking cover? By attacking the aggressor who so reminds them of the face of their enemy? Once the initial event starts, then the character continues to respond. Do they try to get to safety? Secure the area and eliminate the enemy? Eventually, the character likely recognizes their response is inappropriate. It wasn’t a gunshot, it was a car backfiring, the smell of copper isn’t the sight of a blown-apart comrade and the rank odor of blood, it’s just a jug of musty pennies. This fear will lead to control mechanisms where the victim realizes that their response is irrational. Frequently, the fear is still there, and it still struggles with control. This could heighten a feeling a powerlessness in the character as they try and fail to put the fear under control: "Yes, I know this isn’t real and there’s nothing to be afraid of, but I’m still shaking and I am still afraid!" It’s a horrifying logical track, a fear that the victim isn’t even in control of their thoughts - the one place that they should have control - and that they might always be this way. There’s no safety since even their thoughts aren’t safe. Despair might also follow, as the victim frantically asserts to regain control. Usually with time, the fear starts to lessen as the logical centers of the brain regain control, and the fear diminishes. Some times, the victim can't even really recall the exact crippling sense of fear when attempting to recall it, only that they were afraid and that it was deeply scary and awful, but the notion that it happened remains in their mind.

Control mechanisms are also important to developing a believable PTSD victim. Most sufferers dread the PTSD response and so actively avoid objects or situations that could potentially trigger. Someone who may have had to escape from a helicopter falling into the ocean may not like to be immersed in water. Someone who was hit by a hidden IED may swerve to avoid suspicious piles in the road. Someone buried under a collapsing ceiling may become claustrophobic. Thus, many characters with PTSD will be hypervigilant almost to the point of exhaustion, avoiding setting off the undesired response. This hypervigilance is mentally taxing; the character begins to become sluggish mentally as all their energy is squeezed out, leaving them struggling for even the simplest of rational thoughts. This mental fog can be translated onto the page in dramatic effect by adding paragraph length to even simple actions, bringing the reader along into the fog, laboriously seeing the character move to perform simple actions. Then, mix in a loss of a sense of purpose. They’re adrift, not exactly sure what they’re doing and barely aware of what’s happening, although they are thinking and functioning. In the character’s daily life, they are living their life using maximum effort to avoid triggering responses; this is another aspect of control that the character can use as an attempt to claw back some semblance of power in their own lives. Even control methods that aren’t necessarily healthy such as drinking themselves to pass out every night or abusing sleeping pills in an attempt to sleep due to their nightmares, are ways to attempt to regain a sense of normalcy and function. Don’t condescend to these characters and make them pathetic, that’s just another layer of cruelty, but showing the unhealthy coping mechanisms can demonstrate the difficulty that PTSD victims are feeling. Combined with an external perspective, the author can show the damage that these unhealthy actions are doing without casting the character as weak for not taking a different path.

External perspectives focus on the other characters and how they observe and react to the individual in question. Since the internal thought process of the character is not known, sudden reactions to an unknown trigger can be quite jarring for characters unaware, which can mirror real-life experiences that individuals can have with PTSD-sufferers. In these types of stories, the character’s reaction to the victim is paramount. PTSD in real life often evokes feelings of helplessness in loved ones when they simply cannot act to help, can evoke confusion, or anger and resentment. These reactions are powerful emotions with the ability to drive character work, and so external perspectives can be useful for telling a story about what it is like for loved ones who suffer in their own fashion. External perspectives can be used not just in describing triggering episodes, but in exploring how the character established coping mechanisms and how their loved ones react to them. Some mechanisms are distinctly unhealthy, such as alcohol or prescription drug abuse, complete withdrawal, or a refusal to drive vehicles, and these create stress and a feeling of helplessness in characters or can impel them to try and take action. Others can be healthy, and a moment of inspiration and joy for an external perspective could be sharing in that mechanism, demonstrating empathy and understanding which evokes strong pathos, and hopefully to friends of those who suffer from PTSD, a feeling that they too, are not alone.

As the character progresses, successes and failures can often be one of the most realistic and most important things to include within the work, since those consumers who have PTSD will see parts of themselves in the characters, which can build empathy and cut down on the feelings of isolation that many victims of PTSD feel. A character could, over the course of the story, begin weaning themselves off of their control mechanisms, have the feelings of panic subside as their logical sides more quickly assert control, replace unhealthy coping mechanisms with healthier ones, or other elements of character progression and growth. Contrarily, a character making progress could, after experiencing significant but unrelated stressors, backslide either into unhealthy coping mechanisms or be blindsided by another attack. This is a powerful fear for the victim, since it can cause them to think ‘all my progress, all my effort, and I am not free!’ This is often a great fear for PTSD users (people with depression often have the same feeling) that find methods of coping are no longer as effective, and the struggle is perceived as one that they’re ultimately doomed to failure. This feeling of inevitable failure can lead to self-harm and suicide as their avenue of success seems to burn to ash right as it was in their hands. More than one soldier suffering from PTSD has ended up concluding: “Fuck it, I can’t live like this,” as horrible as that is. Don’t be afraid to include setbacks and backsliding, those happen in reality, and can be one of the most isolating fears in their lives; if the goal of portraying PTSD accurately is to help remove that feeling of isolation, then content creators must not avoid these experiences. Success as well as failure are essential to PTSD in characters in stories, these elements moreso than any other, I believe, will transcend the medium and form a connection, fulfilling the objective we set out to include in the beginning paragraphs.

Coming Back to the Beginning

It might be counterintuitive at first glance to say “including military PTSD will probably mean it will be a long journey full of discouraging story beats that might make readers depressed,” because that’s definitely going to discourage some readers to do that. I don’t see it that way, though. The people that want to do it should go in knowing it’s going to be hard, and let that strengthen their resolve, and put the best creation they can forward. The opposite is also true. Not every prospective author has to want to include any number of difficult subjects in their works, and that’s perfectly fine. Content creators must be free to shape the craft that they so desire without the need to be obligated to tackle every difficult issue, and so no content creator should be thought of as lesser or inferior because they opt not to include it in their works. I think that’s honestly stronger than handling an important topic poorly, or even worse, frivolously. Neither should anyone think that a content creator not including PTSD in their works means that they don’t care about those who suffer from it or for those who care about them or who simply don’t care about the subject in general. That’s just a terrible way to treat someone, and in the end, this entire excursion was about the opposite

Ultimately, this essay is a chance not only to help improve creative works involving PTSD, but to reflect on the creative process. Those who still want to proceed, by all means, do so. Hopefully this essay will help you create something that can reach someone. If every piece of work that helps portray PTSD can reach someone somewhere and make things easier, even if ever so little, well then, that’s what it’s really all about.

Hoping everyone has a peaceful Memorial Day. Be good to each to other.

SLAL

#essays on writing and worldbuilding #ptsd

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princeescaluswords · 3 years ago

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Peter and Derek are not the same. Im not saying that Derek is a sunshine child who did everything right or that you think they’re the same it’s just in your posts you kinda group them together and that kinda bugs me. The majority of the sterek fandom doesn’t like Peter like the majority of the fics I’ve don’t write about him specifically but he’s often written as a creepy background character and generally disliked by everyone. Derek was manipulated by Peter a lot and Peter has done a lot more horrible things than Derek.

I want to start off by saying you are right. Derek and Peter are not the same in a very important way. Peter actively determined that he was going to kill a lot of people and he would use people without their consent to do it. Peter believed that there was no act he should not do to get him what he wants.

Derek, on the other hand, got a lot of people killed through negligence. He didn't mean for most of those people to die, and when he tried to kill people on purpose, he failed. He only ever used people who volunteered in his attempts to murder other people.

This may sound like faint praise but it is indeed a significant difference, which the production recognized and I recognize as well. In my posts, I group Peter and Derek together to remind parts of the fandom that no matter how much empathy or sympathy they have for Derek (or Peter for that matter) the story of Teen Wolf is the story of Scott McCall fighting against individuals who justify hurting and killing other people because of what had been done to them. The Hale Fire was a horrific tragedy, and both Derek and Peter (as well as Laura and Cora but you don't seem them breaking people's arms to get them to do what they want) responded to it in different ways.

Fair enough.

I am simply tired of parts of the fandom acting as if Derek simply did nothing to earn Scott's (and Stiles's!) animosity and distrust. I'm tired of reading stories in the fandom where Scott is portrayed as needlessly hostile to Derek because he wouldn't stand by and let Derek risk or even cause the deaths of innocent people, including himself. (Especially since, canonically, it was Scott who repeatedly tried to work with Derek and never stopped). Do you know how many times I've read in a story about Scott's needless grudge against Derek (or sometimes even Peter) as if Derek did absolutely nothing to merit or worse is described as "he was only trying to help?"

I prefer giving concrete examples to help illustrate my position. Let's take the way parts of the fandom complain about how Scott and Stiles (if they remember at all that it was Stiles's idea first) had Derek "framed for murder" and "dug up his sister's corpse" as if this wasn't a reasonable and appropriate thing to do. I know that if the werewolf who attacked me in the forest (which at this point Derek has decided to string Scott along and not tell him about the alpha, because Derek was using a sixteen-year-old victim as bait) secretly buried the corpse of a murder victim on his property, I'd certainly call the police. Especially one who had, a few nights before, broke into my house, threw me up against the wall, and threatened to kill me (bearing in mind this is third time they've ever spoken). Scott and Stiles didn't frame Derek for anything, as they're not the ones who buried the corpse on his property!

Or perhaps we can look at the way parts of the fandom twist the narrative to make it seem like Scott rejecting Derek demanding he submit and join his pack seems foolish. Do you know how many times I've read that Scott if he just submitted to Derek would have learned control faster, as if Scott didn't show great control in Magic Bullet (1x04) when he grew his claws to retrieve said bullet or in Heart Monitor (1x06) when he manifested his transformation with precision to stop Derek from killing Deaton.

I group them together because parts of the fandom are so desperate to make Derek a victim of Scott's decisions in Season 1 and 2, when Derek is an antagonist in Season 1 and an outright villain in Season 2.

You can like Derek all you want, you can explain his decisions all you want -- I do it, too. I know that his behavior in the first couple of seasons comes from his inability to fully trust anyone, especially himself. -- but it doesn't make him the victim and it certainly doesn't justify his lying to and manipulation of Scott, his attempted murders of Lydia and Jackson, and his utter destruction of Jackson, Erica, and Boyd's lives.

He's not Peter. His actions weren't based on bloodthirsty malice and a complete disinterest in other people's lives and dignity as Peter's were. But the truth is that Derek used people without regard for the consequences while trying to avenge his family and creating a new one because he tried to do it through the expression of power rather than trust, and that simply doesn't work, and that makes him just as much a villain as Peter. That's not Scott McCall's fault, and I feel that fandom should remember that.

This is actually part of a greater problem in fandoms. I've seen so many posts about "there's nothing wrong with liking the villains!" and "portrayal isn't glorification" but the end result is always the same. Fandom can watch characters like Derek Hale literally betray a sixteen-year-old boy to his serial-killer uncle and make it the victim's fault.

#anti derek stans #scott mccall defense squad #fandom problems

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stxleslyds · 4 years ago

Text

Robin Jason, a friend and ally of the Titans.

PART 2.

Hi! Welcome to Part 2 of this post, as I said in the last one, I will be talking about Robin Jason’s moments and not reviewing the issues from a story point of view but I think I will have to give a little more context in this one because honestly I am a little lost with this particular storyline, there is too much going on and Jason isn't part of many pages so yeah, I hope this post isn't too boring or bad though.

I will link part 1 Here!

Let’s begin!

· NTT (1884) #26-28

In my last post I talked about how Jason would be called by Donna to help the Titans save Dick and Raven from Brother Blood’s people. We start #26 with Mother Mayhem giving a public speech on television. What you have to get from this is that this cult is using the image of the two Titans/Heroes (Nightwing and Raven) that they captured as propaganda for their intentions, their intentions being resurrecting Brother Blood and making the world believe that they are good people. Obviously, Dick and Raven are not there because they are supportive of their cause, they were both brainwashed.

In this issue the Titans team that had fallen apart in issue #19 is back, so we find Donna, Beast boy, Cyborg, Joey and Wally together once more and they are trying to figure out what to do because they have two problems, on one hand Beast Boy’s father is killing people and captured Garth and on the other a whole ass cult is doing cult-y shit and captured Dick and Raven. In the end they choose to go save Dick and Raven first but they do it because Beast Boy says this “I…don’t know. I can’t say what we should do. We need Dick here…he’s a tactician. We need him as out leader”. Never in my life would I have thought that I would agree with beast boy but yeah…hard agree.

Donna understands that even though the team is (mostly) back on its feet they still need more firepower and that’s why she calls Jason. While it was kinda rude of Cyborg to say that Jason is not all that (in terms of firepower) any kind of tension is quicky gone because Starfire comes back (talk about firepower).

We have various moments of Beast Boy being a perv towards Kory (thanks a lot Marv) but that’s not important, what’s important is that now the Titans have to tell Kory that Dick has been captured and they are on their way to save him.

They all leave to Zandia (where Brother Blood’s Church is located) and a fight ensues as soon as they arrive, they fight but their goal is to get to the Church as fast as possible. Jason doesn’t say anything in these panels but he is fighting alongside the others. When things get a bit more complicated Jason starts to feel that maybe he isn’t that capable of handling himself but he doesn’t have to do anything by himself because this time he has a team that can back him up. Kory gives him a lift as soon as Jason is surrounded, he is of course thankful and a little bit pervy (thanks a lot Marv).

Kory is shot just after she gets him out of trouble and Jason as the adorable kid that he is becomes worried for her well-being. After Beast Boy is also injured in the fight the Titans decide to leave back to camp. Thankfully both Kory and BB are okay but they are all still worried about how they will get to the Church. We see here once more Donna being a bit overwhelmed with leading the Titans and beating herself up over what happened in Switzerland (#20 and #21) but Jason reassures her instantly that she did a good job and she doesn’t need to be so hard on herself.

This interaction here is particularly nice because Jason reassures Donna without her asking for it. In my last post Donna looked for reassurance in Robin several times but she didn’t do it because she actually wanted Jason to give his thoughts, she did it because she was hoping Jason would act like Dick and eventually take over the team’s leadership. Here that isn’t the case, Jason just tells her what he thinks.

After Donna talks about her doubts Kory says that she is impatient and worried about Dick but also expresses being unsure because the last time that she saw Dick they kinda left things off on “bad terms”. I say this because just like it happened with Jason and Roy, Jason and Kory also have differences, she is a grown and experienced woman that is going through adult problems and Jason is a kid that is just happy that he was called to join them on another adventure.

If we back a few panels to when Jason said that Kory “was a sight for sore eyes” Kory responds saying “first Changeling, now you. It’s got to be puberty”, she is obviously not pleased about Jason making that comment about her and it’s also made clear that he is just a teenager.

This is where I rant about how different what we see here is from what we get later in New 52. Just like Roy (in New 52) Kory is also seemingly very close or the same age as Jason and she is the one that is written as wanting to take Jason to bed or, at the very least, attracted to him. Kory being an adult in comparison with Jason is taken away from her and she is just transformed into something to fit Jason’s new beginning as the Red Hood. Lobdell didn’t do Kory any favours, he annihilated her character and made her out to be just eye candy that can come off as stupid and way too reckless just to prop Jason up, believe it or not Jason sometimes was the voice of reason to both Roy and Kory’s antics.

It’s even worse when you consider the fact that in this issue Kory is feeling better and more confident because she finally understands what she wants and has accepted Earth as her real home, all of that is gone in New 52, Kory is lost, insecure, she even depends on Jason a bit too much at the start (because she “didn’t remember” her time on earth or Dick) and goes back to killing. All in all, Lobdell’s version of Kory was very damaging and a disservice to her past history.

Back to the issue, as Donna and the others are going to start coming up with a plan (with only two days until resurrection day) we move scenes and find ourselves in a meeting where people are complaining about the Titans messing up their plans, but that is not what matters, apparently the people in that meeting wanted to “summon the Brotherhood” and here is where we are introduced to the person who will make the Titans’ lives a little more complicated…Twister. She is one of the people that were victims to Brother Blood’s brainwashing and experiments.

In the next page we see the Titans resting but Cyborg is awake so thanks to that he hears someone coming straight to them, here Kory takes the lead and she says once more that she will not kill whoever that is, that she can’t and won’t do that anymore…I wonder if Lobdell ever read these issues, maybe not.

The attacker was Twister and in seconds she twists the Titans’ reality and leaves them all incapacitated. She then goes to look for and recruit the Brotherhood of Evil. While she did that though the Titans slowly made their way back to the city and are now getting ready to attack. Donnas plans as we soon find out don’t include Jason as one of their front line fighters, in fact he has to be left behind as back up.

Jason is not very happy about this; he is the boy wonder! But because it’s the plan and the Titans are experienced, he decided to stay put (at least for now). Its funny to me that even Beast Boy calls Jason a kid. What is sad from these panels is obviously the last thing that Jason says “I can’t wait until I am sixteen!”. I mean, this issue came out exactly two years before Jason’s death, there was no way they could have seen that coming but yeah, it’s just sad. Jason really was in a better and happier place around this time, little did he know everything would turn upside down after a while.

The rest of the Titans fight, Donna starts to feel like she is finally in control and that she is doing a great job at keeping the Titans together, Kory is having her inner turmoil about Dick but she is doing her job and when she decides to go help Cyborg and Joey they come across the Brotherhood of Evil. This is where #26 ends.

Issue #27 starts with a very difficult fight for Kory, Cyborg and Joey, it ends with Kory injured, Joey captured and with Cyborg thrown off a window. The only one of them that Donna, Beast Boy and Jason are able to save is Kory.

The Titans that re left have to retreat and find a place to recover, Jason is very silent all the time but Donna and Kory are the ones that are having interesting talks, they have to find out where the Brotherhood has Joey and Cyborg and their time to save Dick and Raven is running out but if they don’t save the others they might die. It’s a complicated situation and they are both impatient but Donna tells Kory this “Dick would be the first to tell you to plan first, attack later”, I bring this up because nowadays its very common for fanon and current writers to think of Dick as someone that doesn’t plan, that doesn’t think before jumping. Even Beast boy called him a tactician, I know this is a Jason post but its also a post about how characterizations are also kinda destroyed. Dick has suffered a lot from mischaracterization so its nice to go back to these stories and see that what we think Dick should be now isn’t something that we once imagined but something that mas modified or taken away from him either by fanon or current writers.

After the Titans decide to wait for the storm to pass to go looking for Joey and Cyborg, we actually see that Cyborg is in the city looking for shelter, he is injured and as he falls unconscious we meet a couple that decides to save him. Back to the Titans once more we have Jason say that the storm that is forming look “like something out of Ghostbusters” its then that the Brotherhood makes itself known, they are taunting them and they have roped Joey to the top of the capitol building and they are asking the Titans to surrender or Joey dies.

Its here where Donna takes full control of the Titans and even though she and Kory have different ideas of what to do she says that she is the leader now and what she says gets done. Donna will be in charge of saving Joey while the others will make their way towards the Brother Blood Church to help Dick and Raven.

Before they go their separate ways Jason says this about Donna “Wow! I wouldn’t wanna be in her shoes for all the garbage pail kid stickers in the world.” I am going to be honest, I had to look those stickers up and all I have to say is what the hell. But I am not here to talk about stickers I am here to talk about how funny its that Jason is being so uninterested about leading a team. Now, don’t get me wrong, Jason has the ability to lead, yes, but he is better at leading himself or an operation, we have all read UtRH, we know how well the Red Hood can handle himself and his plans but a team of heroes? Controversial opinion but I think that Jason should have never been given a team and I am talking about Kory and Roy as well as Artemis and Bizarro. Was Rebirth better than New 52? Absolutely. But I just don’t see Jason as a leader of a team of heroes and it’s also incredibly repetitive, just because he was Robin doesn’t mean that he needs his own team. I know that Robin Jason and Red Hood Jason aren’t the same person and that they might think differently but if Lobdell had never come into Red Hood/Jason Todd’s life when he did we might have never seen Jason lead his own team and that to me is proof enough that it should have never happened. I quite enjoyed the Prince of Gotham storyline in Red Hood: Outlaw, he didn’t have a team but he had an operation going on and people working FOR him not WITH him. In my opinion that’s better for Jason (if you would like to see me review that storyline let me know).

There is a lot happening story wise and I am finding it more and more difficult to continue talking about Jason’s moments here without giving context so I am going to resume what happened between Donna leaving to save Joey and Jason’s next appearance in this issue. Here we go, Brain tells Monsieur Mallah that he decided to “help” Twister take down the Titans because he wants to use Brother Blood’s Blood Pool because he is dying, Twister goes back to her family’s home and we get to see how brainwashed she is, her family is shocked to see her and they are also the ones that took care of Cyborg while he was unconscious, Cyborg leaves to find the Titans but Twister sees where he left to, she tells the Brotherhood where he might have gone to but protects her family by not telling them that they were the ones that protected Cyborg in the first place and Donna was able to save Joey. I think that was everything.

We see Jason again when he is just outside Brother Blood’s Church with Kory (who is giving him a lift) and Beast Boy. But because life can’t be easy for them the Brotherhood of Evil teleports there and a fight ensues. Kory takes the lead and Jason gets to work.

Kory praises Jason for his work here not because she can’t do anything but because she is seeing that a kid is doing an excellent job. Make no mistake, she is the one with experience but she is nice and gives credit when its due.

Cyborg arrives and the fight continues. We see Beast Boy warning Jason about some of the villains’ powers and Jason being the excellent Robin that he is pays attention and escapes Plasmus’ touch.

I might not think that Red Hood is a team player but Robin Jason absolutely is, and the Titans are nice and care for his safety.

While all of this was happening, Cyborg had made his way to the Church and there he gathers all kinds of information including the location of Brother Bloods main Church in the US. He also makes the alarms sound so everyone leaves because he set up the Church to blow up. Somewhere else Monsieur Mallah is threatening to kill Brain after the later insults him again. And there is where this issue ends.

In issue #28 Jason and the rest of the Titans appear after several pages of Mother Mayhem being a creep, Azrael the angel rising and trying to resurrect Brother Blood through the power of prayers, people watching the live broadcasting of the event and Dick trying to break free from his own head but as soon as he does it Mother Mayhem brainwashes him right away.

The Titans are back in their tower where we see Wally again but that is not all, Frances Kane and Robotman come in too. After all the people who are willing to fight get together the Titans make their way to Brother Bloods Church.

It’s in the jet with Wally that we see Jason and this time he gets to talk too! Jason is talking about how much braver the Titans are compared to him but Wally calms him down by saying that even though he has been doing this for a while he is also scared.

The fact that Jason joined the Titans on another adventure without mentioning it to Bruce is funny to me, he was probably so happy that Donna called him again! Maybe Jason was more bored of being with the Bat than he let on and maybe he didn’t feel appreciated enough or heard. I also like to think that Donna got Jason’s number through Dick, like do you remember that Dick gave Jason his number if he ever wanted to talk shit about the Bat with him? What if they did talk and then Dick put Jason’s number on the Titans’ data base? That would be cool and really sweet!

Jason continues to be a team player and being useful during the fights, he has the Titans’ back as much as the Titans have his.

They fight their way in Brother Blood’s Church and once there they find a dude called the Confessor with Arella (Raven’s mother) but he tells the Titans that she is dead. Somewhere else though is where the real trouble is at, between Azrael and Raven, Brother Blood has finally been resurrected.

It’s in the last page where Brother Blood is looking all mighty and powerful that Dick seems to have broken free from his brainwashing once more.

That’s the end of that issue and this part of the post. This one was super difficult to write and it’s even longer than part one, I hope I didn’t make it super difficult to read. At some points I felt like I was explaining too much and in others too little. I guess it’s very difficult to show how one character participates in a story without giving context but I just didn’t want this post to be too plot heavy.

These issues had some cool Jason moments but the ones in issues #29 to #31 are even better!

#jason todd #teen titans #titans #new teen titans #starfire #kory #donna troy #dick grayson #nightwing #brother blood #dc comics #robin jason todd #wally west #red hood

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pretoriafics · 4 years ago

Text

If I wasn’t a goddamn werewolf - Pt. 5

Seems like the supernatural world finally came closer enough to Daniel. Now, you finally can feel in your bones what Derek felt with you before that night at his loft. Word count: 3.828 (I KNOWW, I'm sorry. I thought it would be shorter than this lol) Pairings: Reader x Derek Contain: Some angst, some fluff, Original characters (Daniel, your boyfriend) Warnings: English is not my main language <3; Inappropriate language TEEN WOLF MASTERLIST PART 1 | PART 6

Things were gradually straightening out for you. Despite had forgotten the birthday of your boyfriend, you made him believe that you don't! You were just planning a surprise. Things worked so well that Dan even let you at the Hales house that morning. Of course, Derek hated seeing you with Dan. However, he tried to tolerate it. You were moving on, and maybe he should try to do the same. After all, you hated him.

You were better off with each passing day when it came to self-defense, and you were better and better in the little surprise tests the Hale's gave you to test your skills. However, that didn't mean you were ready for real action.

But they were including you in this gradually.

Since you were introduced to the pack, you always went to the Hale house after work. That day had been no different, except for one little task: Talia had asked you to look for information about an old bestiary. At that moment, you were doing an initial search on the internet. You were sat on the couch, with your laptop on your lap. Derek, Talia, and Laura were planning something about a "Kanima".

The noise of your cell phone echoed through the room, and you picked it up off the table. The number was unknown. Finding the call a little bit odd, you put the laptop in the space next to you and answered the call.

"Hello, Ms. (Y/N)? I'm Sheriff Stilinski. I got your number from Stiles."

The fact that Sheriff is calling you already made your bones freeze inside your body. The Hale looked at you, finding it as odd as you thought.

"Hi, Mr. Stilinski. Did something happen?"

"Actually, yes. I'm here in front of Joey's bar."

Your heart hammered against your chest. You knew Joey! Daniel was going there that night because they are friends. You took a deep breath, trying to contain your nervousness and letting Noah finish talking.

"You should know that we are facing some problems in the city, with these animal attacks. Apparently, there was one more attack, and it was here at the bar. We found your boyfriend here, but don't worry, he is alive and well."

This time, your heart missed a beat. My God, Dan had been in danger! An indescribable feeling of panic washed over you, and you could already feel a cry rising up your throat. Your eyes were already stung with tears, and you got up from the couch. Your voice was already starting to wave.

"...He was attacked? What happened? How is he?"

The Hale approached you, not just with concern but because they knew that the attack was directly linked to the creature they were looking for at the time.

"Don't worry. He's fine. Daniel had some minor injuries. He's waiting for the rest of the authorities, and he'll be going home soon."

"Okay, I-" You tried to take a deep breath, but it was a little too late to stay calm "I'm coming, okay? I'm coming."

You hung up the call, trembling. Your vision became blurred, and you didn't know if it was because of tears in your eyes or because of that strange lack of control within you.

"Hey, hey, listen to me!" You heard Derek's voice. Your chest rose and fell, and you looked at random spots in the room "I want you to breathe, okay? If you lose control, it will be worse. Try to think of something that will prevent your wolf from taking control over you. "

Laura and Talia looked at you with concern while talking about something to each other that you can't pay attention to. Your eyes are run from the girls to Derek, who was looking at you with concern. You didn't answer him.

"(Y/N)!" He called, holding your face with both hands now. His eyes locked with yours. "Focus."

You felt a wave of feelings storming inside your chest, stirred like the sea in a violent storm, sinking all your rationality. The first feeling was fear. Daniel could have died that night, and all because of the supernatural. Then came the blame. You were lying to him every day because you didn't love him. Maybe he was attacked just because of you. After all, you were part of the supernatural now.

But Derek's voice managed to call you to rationality, and you saw that you needed to take control.

With the tears streaming down your face and your eyes focused on his, you took a deep breath. And again, fear overwhelmed you. You were so close to losing control! What if one day you lost and killed Dan? What if you hurt anyone else? A father? A mother? A child? What if you became the new person responsible for a corpse trail through the city because you failed to take control of your wolf?

And surprisingly, your breathing was slowing down. Your vision seemed a little clearer, and now you were able to pay a little more attention to the sounds around you.

"Scott is there." You heard Laura say to Talia, cell phone in hand. She had just made a call "He said Daniel took control of the situation. He said he locked some people in one of the rooms and tried to distract Kanima. Daniel was completely crazy, but he was brave."

Your hands were still a little shaky, but only from your cry. Seeing that you had regained control of yourself, Derek let out a long sigh. With his thumb, he wiped the tear trail from your face. His touch caused the air to disappear from your lungs.

"What did you thought about?" He asked in a calm voice.

You took a deep breath, seeking strength to speak. Tired of restraining yourself, you threw your arms over Derek's shoulders and hugged him for comfort. Without hesitation, he wrapped his arms around your waist, returning the hug.

"I just don't want to hurt anyone."

Fear. That was your anchor.

"You won't. I will not let this happens."

And there he was: Comforting the woman he loved by being concerned about another man. Not that he thought you were wrong, of course. Derek could understand the reasons for your concern. However, he couldn't help feeling jealous. He was trying to contain himself at that moment. After all, you needed him.

Your voice was choked and low by your cry.

"Can you take me there? I need to know if he's okay."

The alpha's heart cracked. In addition to hating seeing you that way, he hated the idea of taking you into the arms of another man even more. However, if that was going to let you okay he would do it. Upset, Derek let out a long sigh.

"Ok."

He moves away from you. His face, once with a soft and protective expression, was cold and even a little annoyed. Without saying anything else, he walked to the entrance hall. He takes the Camaro keys from the table and goes outside. You were in too much tension to notice the sudden change in his expressions, so you just took your coat on the couch and followed him. Talia grimaced and looked at Laura, who raised her eyebrows. It was as if she had read her mom's thoughts.

"I have a hunch what you're thinking about."

"I'm thinking that hug was too good to be true."

Laura compresses her lips, holding a chuckle.

"If Derek finds out that you've been gossiping about his life..."

Talia shrugged.

"It's what people do most within this pack, and it's my right as a mother to gossip about my son's life."

Your feelings were too stormy for you to be able to have a conversation. Derek was not much different because of his jealousy. So Laura was only able to talk to her mother in the car. Still, the only matter she could talk to was about Kanima. She was afraid to mention Dan's name, or Derek could kill everyone in the car just by hitting it in a tree for his jealousy.

Your heart almost jumped out of your chest when you started to approach the bar. A body was being carried in a black bag, on a stretcher. The lights of the vehicles could be seen from a considerable distance, and authorities were constantly moving. When you jumped out of the car, desperate to see how Dan was, Derek had barely stopped the car. He let out a low growl as he saw you run towards the silhouette of a man sitting in an ambulance.

The Hale got out of the car, already watching Scott and Stiles walking in wide steps in their direction. Trying to focus on something other than the whole situation with you, Derek crossed his arms.

"How many victims?"

"Two." Scott replied promptly. "Some people managed to escape, and others did not."

It was Stiles' turn to inform the Hale of the situation.

"There were in total 12 people who failed to escape. All of them were saved thanks to Superman over there."

Stiles indicated Dan with a nod, causing the family to look at him. Dan was hugging you with a smile on his face. He was trying to calm you down. It was clear from the way he was sliding his hand down your back.

Derek heard his mother ask Scott and Stiles something, but he paid no attention to the question. He could only pay attention to you in your stupid, perfect boyfriend's arms. You looked at Dan, and he put his hand on your face.

"I know it was risky, my love. I know. But I needed to do something. I'm fine, see? Everything it's fine."

"Are you really okay?"

"I swear. I'm just going to need to do a check-up. It's just to be sure."

You let out a long sigh and nodded, and Dan smiled at you. With his hand still on your face, he gave you a soft, loving kiss that you returned. The surrounding doctors almost devoured Dan with their eyes. However, you were the only one to get his full attention.

And yet, that didn't stop you from wanting to be in the arms of another man.

That scene was driving Derek crazy. Holy crap! Why couldn't that perfect idiot keep his hands on himself? Why did he have to be irritatingly touching you? He wasn't even supposed to put his hands on you! Derek was the one who was supposed to be touching you in his place and being the only one who could kiss you. Daniel was an intruder. He was not welcome. In fact, Derek could rip his hands off just because he was touching you.

Oh, how many forms of homicide were there? Derek was betting that there were infinite forms and that just being a little creative was enough. If he wanted to kill Daniel, Derek was sure that creativity would not lack.

"Hey, Romeo!"

Laura's voice pushes him out of his reveries, and he looked at his sister as if he had come out of a trance. In fact, Talia, Scott, and Stiles were looking at him, too. They looked a little scared.

"...What?"

She raised her eyebrows, speaking as if it were obvious.

"You are snarling."

"No, I'm not."

"Yes, idiot, you are. And you're going to get attention from everyone."

Talia took a step towards Derek, her eyebrows slightly raised.

"Why don't you wait in the car? We get the information and take a look around."

Derek hesitated, contracting his lips. Then he let out a long sigh in acceptance. In silence and anger, he walked over to the Camaro, got into the vehicle, and closed the door. The quartet looked at each other, and Stiles started walking towards the passenger door of the Camaro.

"I had an idea! You can investigate. I have something that will solve his sour grape."

Scott frowned and tried to object.

"Uuh, Stiles, I think you'd better leave him-"

"I'll be right back!"

Stiles got into the Camaro, sitting in the passenger seat. My Godness. Derek was already starting to get a little more annoyed.

"Hey, what's up, Derek? It's so crazy this whole Kanima story! So crazy..."

Derek remained with his eyes focused outside, unmoved by Stiles' advances. If he pretends that Stilinski wasn't there, maybe he will go away.

"Uh..." With the silence, Stiles cleared his throat and continued talking "You know, I downloaded a really cool app where there are lots of girls. The name is Tinder. Have you heard about it?"

That was definitely the last thing Derek needed now. Annoyed, he sent a mortal glare to Stiles. Derek was not the type of man who needed help with women, especially if it came from a stupid teenager. Stiles swallowed hard with Derek's gaze, but he doesn't give up.

"Er..." He took the cell phone out of his pocket, putting it on the app. Then he showed Derek a red-haired girl "This one has tattoos. And she's a doctor! I think a doctor would be useful in the pack. And she's hot."

"Stiles, get the fuck out of my car."

Derek looked at Stiles with an almost murderous look. Slightly frightened, Stiles swallowed hard and put the phone back in his pocket.

"Err... I think I better go help the guys, so... I'll keep you aware of clues!"

Stiles forced a smile, and he didn't take long to get out of the car, leaving Derek finally alone with his thoughts.

You had just said goodbye to Daniel in the hospital lobby. He had gone home and alone, at your insistence. You just wanted him to rest, but it wasn't just that: You wanted to be alone. Although it was almost 3 AM, you don't feel a drop of sleep. You were relieved, of course. Daniel had not been seriously injured, but he still needed to make some bandages. He would be back the next day for detailed medical examinations. However, your feelings were still mixed up inside your chest, especially now.

What if you indirectly had put Daniel in danger? Was that your fault? Maybe it would be better if you move away from him, so he would stay safe, and you would stop lying to him.

The point was that thought reminded you of the words Derek said to you in your first training.

During all this time, I was trying to keep you safe.

I didn’t want you to come to me again because it was dangerous. I really needed you to hate me. You would be safe that way.

You felt your heart crush inside your chest, under the weight of remembering what had happened that day. Not only did you yell at him, but you avoided him categorically. In the last few days, the contact between you two has evolved during the training. However, it was still weak. The peak of contact between you had happened that same night when you gave him the first hug in ages.

You found yourself in the same situation that Derek was with you before everything collapsed. Now, you had ruined everything between you.

You went outside to the hospital door and sat on the steps at the entrance. Then, you took your cell phone out of your pocket and looked at your contact list, looking for someone to give you a ride. Should you call Laura? Or should you call Derek? It was pretty evident that you wanted to call Derek, but would it be appropriate? You were barely talking to him, even with the advances in your relationship. Confused, you let out a long sigh. You then remembered Talia's words just a few days ago.

Be honest with you.

You would not be honest with yourself if you called Laura, would you? Of course not. She was not your first option.

Damn it. You called Derek. He didn't take long to answer.

"(Y/N), hi."

You hesitated before finally saying something in a low, tired voice.

"Hi, I'm sorry to call you this hour. Did I wake you up?"

"No. Actually, I haven't slept yet."

You let out a long sigh.

"It's just that Dan just got out of the hospital, and I asked him to go home and rest. I needed a ride, but only if it isn't going to bother you."

"It won't. I'll be there in a few minutes."

"Ok, thanks."

You hung up the call and curled up in your thin coat. It was a bit of a cold night, and you've never been so tired. In fact, you were so tired that you couldn't even feel nervous about Derek's arrival in a few minutes. With your mind already a little more empty, you brought your knees close to your chest and rested your arms on it. You lowered your head, resting your forehead on your forearms. You stayed like that for a few minutes until you felt something heavy and warm over you.

"Come on. I will take you home."

You looked up and saw Derek crouching in front of you. He had put his own jacket over you to keep you warm. Without saying a single word, you stood up and accompanied him to the car. You were silent and huddled inside Derek's jacket for most of the ride. Apathetic, it did not take long for your mind to return to the thoughts of before. Derek just wanted to keep you safe all that time! Of course, if you were away from him, you would consequently be away from the whole supernatural world.

Okay, but what should you do now? What was the next step? Would you do anything? Or would you leave things exactly as they were now?

These were the questions that involved your thoughts until you finally arrived in front of your home. Derek stopped the car and looked at you.

"Try to rest. It was a tough night."

You just nodded. As you unlocked the belt, you felt your heart beat faster and faster with anxiety. It was time to make a decision. Your voice came out wavering.

"I will, but not now. In fact, I was going to ask if you can come in."

Derek blinked his green eyes consecutively. He was not waiting for that request.

"Of course."

You left the Camaro and walked to the front door. As both of you entered, it was the turn of Derek's heart to hammer inside his chest. He remembered every minute with you inside that house. It wasn't just the memories that were making him anxious. In fact, he had no idea why you asked him to come in. You sat on the couch, and he sat next to you.

"Well, I..." You started to speak with your eyes down, still not quite sure what to say. "I wanted to apologize to you. I haven't been the best company for you."

Derek looked at you with a twinge of surprise. He wasn't expecting that. In fact, he didn't think you should apologize. You had done nothing but try to protect yourself.

"The one who should apologize is me, (Y/N). You didn't do anything. You were just trying to protect yourself. I don't judge you."

"You already did it" You replied in a low voice. Embarrassed, you looked away at the fuzzy carpet in the living room "and I just yelled at you." You looked up into his green eyes "You know when you said that about trying to keep me safe, were you really serious?"

And for the first time after all that time, Derek felt a thread of hope. With his heart warm inside his chest, he nodded. There was nothing he wanted more than to have you back.

"I didn't want you to get hurt. With me, you would be exposed. I would never have forgiven myself if something has happened to you, but well..." He let out a long sigh of frustration "I didn't count on Peter."

"Why did you never tell me the truth about you?"

"That would also leave you exposed. Between seeing you in danger and seeing you with someone else, I would rather let you go with someone else. Actually, I still prefer it, but now I think it doesn't make that much difference. You are now part of the thing I'd tried to push you away from."

Oh. You felt your face burn, and a slight and unconscious smile was born on your lips as you looked down. You were missing words. In fact, you didn't know that Derek was able to give you up to save you from something.

Derek almost melted with pure love when he saw your reaction. He was happy that both of you were having that conversation. In fact, since you were making things clear, he approached you and took your hand. Your heart started to beat faster at his touch, and you looked at him again. The butterflies were already churning in your stomach.

"And since I'm being honest with you now..." He continued talking, without taking his eyes off yours "You were stunning in that dress when you went to the loft that night. I almost postponed the plans to get away from you. And whenever I see Daniel touching you, I just want to punch him in the face."

You let a low chuckle escape between your lips, feeling your face burn even more. That conversation had yielded much more than you expected.

"Dan is a nice guy. Don't be mean."

"I can't help it when I see him touching my girl."

The air seemed to disappear from your lungs when you heard his words, and you gave him a wide smile. Derek rolled his eyes without stopping talking.

"I mean, come on. Daniel looks like an older version of Jackson."

"No, he doesn't! Jackson is an idiot."

"Daniel is a different kind of idiot."

It was your turn to roll your eyes.

"Are you jealous?"

"Yeah, I'm jealous, damn it. You shouldn't be with him."

You smiled at him, with your eyes emanating pure love. He returned the smile, with his eyes emanating pure love as well. In fact, both of you didn't need words to say that you loved each other. Your eyes were already doing all the work.

"Okay. I agree with you."

You couldn't help yourself: Without hesitation and focused on that one instant, you leaned over him and kissed him. Derek pulled you onto his lap, returning the kiss intensely. While holding your face with both hands and kissing you, he could only think about how much he wanted that kiss again. Kissing you at that moment was like the first time he tasted your lips. It was magical, and it was so right. It was where he was supposed to be.

It was where he wanted to be for the rest of his life.

TAGLIST: @teen-wolf-obsessed4life

#teen wolf imagine #teen wolf imagines #teen wolf fanfics #teen wolf fics #teen wolf fanfic #derek hale imagine #derek hale imagines #derek hale x reader #derek hale fanfics #derek hale x you #derek hale x y/n #derek hale angst

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teamsarawatshusband · 4 years ago

Note

Do you think there is a chance that WYB really believes in China's innocence in this? If people in China don't have all the information, then maybe he also doesn't know what is happening.

Okay, I’m gonna be very careful in how to answer this.

First of all, I don’t know him in person (obviously), so I can never know 100% what he does and doesn’t believe. Much like with any other celebrity.

My assumption on what he believes in this is based on what I know about his life and how that might potentially affect his thinking in matters like these. It is also based on what I know from my personal connections to Chinese citizens and what they have told me about politics and human rights affairs in the past.

Since Yibo is living in China, there is a big chance that he doesn’t have access to all the news regarding this specific political situation. So I do assume that he most likely doesn’t know the details of what’s going on in regards to the human rights violations and why exactly Nike spoke out against the government of his country.

However, he is very familiar with the business side of working with brands and he has had political situations affect career decisions in the past. So I can’t help but think that he knows things are fishy.

He must know that brands, especially big corporations like Nike, don’t make business-damaging statements against a whole country like this without global pressure. Let’s not forget, Nike like any other company, first and foremost has to think of their marketability and consumer’s trust. So, Yibo must know that consumers (not governments or political institutions but regular people) all over the world are watching the news and demanding that companies such as Nike take a stand. So, I’m assuming he knows that, in the eyes of the global population, based on their sources of information, the Chinese government is doing something bad.

Whether or not he believes this information to be true is a different question.

Now, if Yibo had lived his entire life in China, had grown up with the censorship and propaganda of the Chinese government throughout his life and not aware that this is different in other parts of the world, then I would assume he’d believe it to be false.

However, he has lived in South Korea for several years. So he did have access to a non-Chinese point of view on politics and life in general. He also has traveled to other countries professionally, both as a singer as well as an actor. He must know that independent sources of information are much easier accessible in other countries. He must know that the amount of freedom to publicly criticize a government or state personal opinions varies largely from country to country. I am convinced he is aware that censorship and deliberate spreading of misinformation is a common political practice in China. So, based on that, I do assume that he takes information from Chinese news with a critical mindset that doesn’t simply trust and buy into everything that is served to him.

He also has witnessed political situations affect his or other co-stars’ careers. He used to be in Uniq which, as all k-pop bands, suddenly wasn’t allowed to appear on Chinese TV anymore, even though they hadn’t done anything wrong. And a big change of course of action like that was kept all hush-hush in the entire Chinese media. He must know that this wasn’t fair, that they innocently fell victim to political agendas. An entire career, fanbase, performance platform simply taken away from all of them, one second to the next, and they hadn’t caused it and didn’t have any say in it either. Are we really assuming that they simply took that blow without wanting to speak out and fight for the success they had worked so hard for?

The 227 situation was very similar. The international success of one Chinese series brought so much traffic to AO3, that the Chinese government noticed it as public platform depicting values that they didn’t want China to be associated with. More importantly, a public platform with content that they couldn’t control. So they went and blocked it. And who had to suffer the blame? The government? Of course not. Xiao Zhan, who hadn’t done anything other that be an actor in the series. Because of this he lost so many marketing deals and job offers that people believed his career was over for good. All while doing nothing wrong.

Yibo, as the second main actor in the same series, 100% saw all of this go down. He knows that Xiao Zhan hadn’t caused any of it, knows that he was blamed unfairly. He also knows that remaining silent under those circumstances will only cause more harm to a career and public reputation. He knows that the only option is to say what you are expected to say, regardless of what you think.

And, I mean, based on all the situations that I have been in in my life, where I was forced to say something against my will, and based on knowing Yibo to be quite headstrong and having a competitive mindset... I just can’t picture him going, “Well, they make me say this. So, I believe it too.”

Now, based on what I have heard from people that I personally know IRL, I think some of the things that my aunt and uncle have mentioned left the biggest impression on me. My uncle is European but has lived and worked in China for decades now. My aunt is Chinese, grew up in China and only after meeting and marrying my uncle has traveled out of the country.

My uncle is very outspoken about life in China. When talking to him in person, he will tell you everything he personally experienced, including things like tax evasion, people avoiding police charges with hush money, countrywide blocking of messaging services and email providers, copyright frauds as legitimate business endeavors, illegal confiscation of items by police/border control etc. etc. etc. Basically, the gist of his reports is, “In China, if you are a regular person, you have to be aware of this, work around the corruption/unfairness and, most importantly, not make a big fuss about it. If you are somebody with money and powerful connections, you can buy yourself out of any situation. Unless if you stand in the public eye, then you’ll be used to make an example of - under the guise of a just and law-abiding country.“ He will tell you all of this, while over here. Never when in China. Because he knows the consequences.

My aunt is a lot quieter on the matter. She never directly spoke out against Chinese politics and never directly called out the issues of censorship and corruption. But she often asked, “Are we really allowed to say this here? Back home we can’t.” And when I talked to her about specific political situations she confirmed a lot of things with small examples from her experience. While my uncle is mostly angry when speaking about those things, my aunt is primarily careful in her phrasing. She very clearly loves her country dearly (who wouldn’t it’s a beautiful country with wonderful people), and she is very pained by how it is governed, and how that governing affects both the people living there as well as how China is perceived in the world.

I have never spoken to them about celebrities or specific entertainment issues, but what I do know from them is, if somebody in China is a public figure with success and a bit of wealth, they will:

- most certainly be aware that their government’s actions are often unjust and based on corruption and personal gain

- be forced to side with said government or, if they refuse, forced to retire for good

- have to do propaganda related work. Either, if they (or somebody close to them) did/said some non-government-compliant things, for people in power positions to overlook those, or in return for specific freedoms they wouldn’t get to enjoy otherwise.

Especially the forcing of propaganda jobs on public figures, I can’t help not relating that to Yibo.

Just compare some of his songs... “無感 Wu Gan”, for example, with his recent “青春恰时来 - Youth Comes in Time”.

Wu Gan is musically progressive, sounds fresh and goes with the genres and types of music Yibo has shown to love before. And he officially wrote it himself. Youth Come in Time, which he released but was neither composed nor lyrically written by him, sounds like a polar opposite. Musically, it sounds like what you would hear in a 90s advertisement.

And looking at the lyrics, I mean... that song has lines like “strengthen the country”, “we stand in the front row”, “I am with my country”, “the Chinese stage is taking off” - how is that not propaganda?

Do we really, genuinely think that somebody believes in this, even though in the songs that he wrote himself, and has stated to be about his own personal experiences, he says stuff like, “don’t become a puppet whose feelings are manipulated by others”, “every day there’s someone going on and off stage - just remain emotionless”, “You’re famous but you have no works and the voices scolding you only get worse”, “I’ve trapped myself and I can’t make my goals distinct”?

Do we?

Really?

I’ll leave that up to you.

#anon ask #yizhan #i'm not sure if i should tag that with his name

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