#cause it sounds so bad if i actually try to summarize it.....

[zacki0gaming]

Season 2, Episode 4 Part 4 Rant (Final)

The Episode (Part 4)

On to the second half of the episode, we suddenly get a “boss fight” of Cyanide.

Pauses the episode

Me: Ok, I got some things to say about this. Firstly, throughout the boss fight, I notice actual coding that can be probably ciphered, which I’m not even gonna try. But thankfully, someone named @mzoyagon already posted the translation of it.

It reads:

"my name is cyanide" "who am i?" "what am i?" "am i good?" "am i bad?" "my name is cyanide" "my name is teal" "my name is cyanide" "my name is teal"

This cipher probably represents the themes of identity, duality, and moral ambiguity.

I’m finally gonna go ultra analysis on this.

"My name is Cyanide" / "My name is Teal": The alternating names symbolizes the coexistence of the duality or conflicting aspects. Cyanide (or as Teal now)as a corrupt may represent as harmful or destructive. This could be further summarized by her name and definition she initially analyzed in Season 1, Episode 9, saying it as a deadly chemical.

Alternatively, she can be viewed as a "deadly force" - a project created by her caretaker and boss, Dub. She was intended to be a weapon, as demonstrated in this episode when she prematurely matured into her mature form before going to start attacking Cyan and the other Heroes in “ATTACK MODE”. Or, this one sounds kind of dumb but, you might see Cyanide as “the devil herself” along with this because… She has the devil horns on her head, heheh…

As for Teal, (which is still Cyanide herself, but has a pure being now and with a different name) her pure self simply represent a more balanced and calmer side, such as not being dangerous to those around her anymore as a sign of peace for finally being a pure shape like the main Heroes (Cyan, Orange, Gold, and Tsavorite).

"Who am I?" / "What am I?": These simple, seemingly simplistic questions convey a sense of existential uncertainty. Cyanide appears to be grappling with an internal struggle, questioning not only her identity but also her essence and purpose.

This image goes with “Who Am I?” from the translation here above Cyan. It also further proves my point when Cyanide expresses a “question mark” on her face.

"Am I good?" / "Am I bad?": The two lines imply a moral conflict. Cyanide may be questioning her actions, intentions, or inherent nature, perhaps influenced by her duality ("Cyanide" and "Teal").

This image goes along with “Am I Good?”.

This cipher emphasizes the tension between these two identities. For instance, Cyanide's boss fight could mainly reflect her wrestling with the understanding of finding her true morality and identity.

Her path to her redemption keeps on getting cut out because of her corruption & appearance as a corrupt, naiveness, and the large amount of mistrust, mistreatment, or misjudgment from most of the good guys. All she wanted was to find her true self as it eventually leads to her being a purely cured hero.

But, here’s the main problem with this, which I will get into a bit.

Continues the episode

After Cyanide gets purified back into her supposed pure counterpart, which she starts system rebooting herself. Cyan, in shock, says if he actually did do it, which Tsavorite expresses so much excitement by throwing Cyan up into the air before catching him.

Pauses the episode

Me: OH WOW! The entire boss level method works SO. DAMN. WELL. That entire dumb Tree of Life purification method that Gold previously did for his caretaker, Pyrare was for nothing here to just cause... AN ERROR and have Tsavorite literally waste a part of his tree’s power while trying to cure Cyanide!

And you know what, chat? Wanna know the whole subplot for Cyanide's overall character arc here, everyone in my opinion….? Let's contextually ham-fist "The Woobie Trope" into a corrupted hero, who hates being a corrupt and trying to make every effort not to act malevolently or harm others as possible, while getting constant mistrust, mistreatment, or misjudgment from most of the other characters, and almost being painfully naïve for like S1 EP 9-10 to S2 E1 & 4.

I’M NOT JOKING! The resolution of this arc, felt unearned or overly convenient. Her internal struggle gets abruptly solved in an astonishingly simplistic manner, thanks to Cyan's intervention. The entire establishment for it just feels like such a damn cop out to make look way too fucking easy. For some reason, I fought at first that Cyanide was gonna be unusually unable to be uncorrupted. BUT NO! It gets so suddenly solved by having that entire Tree of Life method become instantly pointless here just for it to be so easily fixed by Cyan's heroic non-newbie skills through the "boss level method"!

Continues the episode

Gold says that he guesses Cyanide doesn’t need the Green’s tree, which Orange also replied about it too. After Cyanide “Power On” herself, she gasped while saying if she was actually uncorrupted, while looking at her new appearance.

Pauses the episode

Me: I’m just realizing something. The main reason why it didn’t work was because she was born from the Cyan Tree instead of the Green one. Maybe if they would’ve done it with the Cyan tree instead of Tsavorite’s, than it would have probably worked.

Continues the episode

Cyan zooms over to Cyanide and asks her how she’s feeling, to which Cyanide says she’s feeling euphoric. Tsavorite, while still excited about her finally being a part of the family, he and Cyan asked Cyanide what they and the others would call her. After Cyanide starts thinking about what new name she should be called, she then tells the others that her name is now “Teal”.

Tsavorite says the name, Teal fits perfect for her and is officially now part of the family. Teal than thanks Circubit again for his help before the screen goes to black. The scene starts to move the camera to the Royal Graveyard, which we see the Reaper (La Danse Macabre) themselves. Circubit finally shows up and was happy to see the Reaper (La Danse Macabre) still here at the graveyard and wants to ask them for a favor.

Pauses the episode

Me: OK, I wanna tell you something that I found out from the Reaper (La Danse Macabre)’s official appearance here. I recently remember a user named, @pavtriobnal that sums up it’s entire appearance in this image perfectly. It legitimately looks like a fucking SPUNKI OC. I’m not kidding, like am I wrong on this? 🤣🤣

Continues the episode

The Reaper (La Danse Macabre) asks about the favor, saying that it better be something than resurrection. Circubit replies to the Reaper about having the resurrection part only be preferable to only himself and then says it’s something else that he wants.

Circubit asks the Reaper for a request to corrupt a caretaker, in which the Reaper questions him about which caretaker he’s referring to. Circubit answers that it’s Iris himself, while unbeknownst to the duo, they are being spied on by the Bossfight Group, Cintagon and Circumsphere.

Cintagon says, “Oh my god” before asking Circumsphere about the reason for revisiting his homeland. Circumsphere tells him that he had a hunch that the reaper would be a problem due to the Pink Corruption Virus, and saying he didn’t expect Circusic would be revived of all shapes, implying to the dead spheres in the graveyard.

Circumsphere tells Cintagon that they need to return to the Spheral Village to warn the others as possible before the credits shown.

The Episode finally concludes here

Final Verdict

Ok, now for the final verdict for Season 2, Episode 4 as a whole. I’m gonna unfortunately gonna give this a 4/10. Season 2 is… Really starting off to a pretty bad start for me in my opinion in the first 4 episodes…

Cons

Most of the episode was like a poorly constructed Cyanide-focused installment. Nothing else... Circubit’s return was handled clumsily, seemingly shoehorned out of no where without proper buildup or context. His sudden reappearance, coupled with the introduction of his new ability to allow himself to control between as a pure or corrupted shape, felt contrived and poorly integrated. His return is basically wanting us too see how the fucking catalyst for Cyanide's prematurity will go. But, this transformation left it's execution left so much to be desired just for it to immediately go away in this episode.

Additionally, the lack of explanation regarding Circusic’s abrupt reversion from Season 2, Episode 2, which inexplicably led to his sudden change back into his corrupted counterpart in the opening scene was just a bizarre oversight to watch. Unless, you guys provide possible theories like me on WHY it happened in the first place. But, there was no clarity or context provided for this shift.

Heroes are about to start swearing, which is just generally uncomfortable. Circubit unintentionally teaching Cyanide the swear word, "Asshole", even though the duo doesn't care, which is just totally unnecessary for cheap, lazy humor for the series (although some of you people will probably find it funny or not).

Cyanide’s (now Teal) character arc has been profoundly underwhelming. The progression from a kind yet overly naïve corrupt, mistreated and dismissed by those around her for three consecutive episodes, to a sudden desire for change, feels poorly executed. This shift, culminating in that subplot being resolved abruptly within this episode, comes across as a rushed and lazy decision.

Pros

Now onto pros, which they are at least a few.

Cyanide’s boss level was actually interesting, especially going along with the cipher analysis for her character. Even though like I said, the execution isn’t good enough for me.

It is somewhat intriguing to observe Circubit creating a specific task by the Reaper creature, aiming to corrupt Iris for reasons that remain unclear—possibly as an act of revenge or for some other purpose. It could be potentially good for this development to open a door for an actual plotline to explore the dynamic between Iris and his corrupted counterpart. Such as, diving into what he's soul realm will look like, revealing his counterpart's motivations. Or, maybe perhaps even exposing hidden insecurities that Iris harbors but conceals from those around him like how Cubic expose Cube's insecurity on his caretaking skills to his hero, Cyan since Season 1, Episode 3. (But, I don't know, considering his unlikability).

The Bossfight Group is set to return in the next episode, most likely airing somewhere next year for Season 2, Episode 5. We get a bit of additional depth of Circumsphere's character, as he reveals to Cintagon his awareness of Circusic and the Reaper Creature, even though I expecting more here. It is also possible that Circumsphere and Circusic may have once been acquaintances or even former friends.

So yeah, this episode is way worse than simply receiving a present filled with black coal on a warm, Christmas morning.

Anyway, HAVE A MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!

[supercantaloupe]

attempted to explain my fic idea to my friend on discord tonight and it's so embarrassingly bad of a synopsis it will honestly be a miracle to get anybody to read it at all once all is said and done

[bloodpen-to-paper]

QSMP Awards 2024 Summarized

-The audio was scuffed for the first half. I don't mean a little crispy. I don't mean with a slight echo. It was fucked in every way imaginable. The audio sounded like it was going through a blender. Then it kept getting too loud, then too quiet (so much so we couldn't hear), all while being way too crispy. Charlie Slimecicle monologued to the audience while the team was trying to fix it but since the audio was both too crispy and too quiet we couldn't actually understand anything he was saying. This carried on for about 7 minutes with him holding two microphones, neither of which was working, before the stream crashed (again)

-All the staff are apparently Cucurucho, with one of them being a "main Cucurucho"

-Missa wore a "Quackity my beloved" shirt. I could not explain to you what the blazer over it was supposed to be.

-Everyone else at the ceremony was shown through discord call. I'm convinced Charlie has never seen German or Lenay's faces cause he did not know it was them until Quackity said their names

-The screen was supposed to switch between showing all the people on the discord and it kept switching between the same four people. If I have to hear Q, Charlie and Missa chant "Foolish" or "Pol" ever again-

-Mariana showed up and Charlie immediately went into bitter ex mode. He also hit on Mariana. Multiple times.

-We got a patented Ironmouse "coño" and chat lost their shit over Luzu existing, as expected

-Mariana looked like Michael Jackson, Bad's background could've been the set of Breaking Bad, Roier had a ski mask, lots of people learned what Lenay, German and Vegetta's looked like for the first time, and Mike had a kawaii filter

-Somehow Bad didn't even get nominated for Best Cucurucho Jumpscare, showing that even non-red carpet events can produce award snubs (congrats to Bagi!)

-Though I yearned for Maximus getting nominated for his Eh Vegetta prank, we all knew the win had to go to Vegetta for the mines

-The audio eventually became bearable but the echo never fully left. At some point there were like three or four overlaps of Vegetta giving his acceptance speech

-Acau won for Best Death from getting killed by an enderman (in my heart Foolish's accidental death by Pomme's sniper that got him eliminated from the elections won, but we did get Quackity dying to a fly as a nom so I feel complete. Also congrats to Acau!)

-The Qsmp shop is officially open! We got eggie merch :]

-Quackity forgot to roll clips for the Best Purgatory 2 Moment nominees and almost read out the winner before we got the montage (Wuant won! It was the clip of him being told he lost and he accidentally did a flip. They weren't able to get the acceptance speech on stream so we saw it from Quackity's phone)

-Funniest QSMP Moment nominees were all fucking hilarious, its hard to pick just one but Maxo winning for when he respawned after a lore-heavy moment in Pierre's bed to his own moans being remixed into a song absolutely deserved the win

-Saddest QSMP Moment was unnecessary and the admins will be hearing from my lawyers for making me relive Dapper's first lost life, Dia de los Muertos and the end of Purgatory 1 (Jaiden and Roier saying bye to Bobby won, Roier changed his screen to black and white and held up what looked like a mini Cucurucho being used as a cross)

-Best QSMP Original Song was played prematurely when the category was Best Language Exchange, and we got a spoiler for the winner (YD and Hugo's exchange won and YD's audio was muted so we just saw her Vtuber model getting excited)

-The aforementioned Best Qsmp Original Song had Gordinho Gostosinho looping aggressively over Charlie singing the Juanaflippa song, which I hope to god gets clipped cause it was hilarious (I'm glad the Roier and Cucurucho rap got nominated). Charlie was very confused why they had him announce his own win.

-Best PVP unsurprisingly went to Etoiles for his colosseum Code fight, after all he is the Best🔥 (the other noms were great too, we had Philza vs Tubbo in Purgatory, Bad and Maxo eliminating El Quackity from the elections, and a cute sparring session between Pac and Richas)

-Best Qsmp Fails went to Fit for that time Pac's internet cut out during their date (of course he bragged about his Brasilian boyfriend after learning he won for best loser)(also if it was up to me Quackity's fly deaths would've been added to this category just sayin')

-The audio problems were revealed to have been roleplay the entire time. Yep. All part of the lore.

-Speaking of, most of the winners who were in the discord call could not be heard so they had to give speeches through Quackity holding his phone up to the mic

-Best Roleplayer went to Roier for his Doied arc (the screen prematurely showed him before they could read the announcement, and his speech was him kissing the camera)

-Worst Server House went to Mariana accompanied with the classic clip of him reacting to the admins roasting his started base; Mariana was part of the discord call but left at some point so he couldn't give a speech, to which Charlie jumped on the opportunity to roast his absence like a shark smelling blood (they rightfully nominated Quackity for his clip of Acau reacting to his failure of a starter house, and apparently Carre's base is just his bed on a dirt plot)

-Most Iconic Clip went to Pac for stealing the Qsmp Logo (the other lovely noms included Foolish and co. accidentally closing their house door after a creeper came in an attempt to shut it out, and Tina reacting to a mob giving Felps a blowjob)

-The Most Bankrupt Islander went to Niki for being broke, we stan (during the nom montage we got a passa tudo mention)

-The Creator Who Spent the Most Time on the Server Award went to Bad, which was shocking to no one, although they did use his Barbie Girl clip for the nom montage (they also used Fit wearing a wig for his clip)

-The Qsmp cake for the one year anniversary had the text "FELICIDADES ALBERTO". We do not know who Alberto is. Pol was losing it.

-Tubbo won for The Creator With the Most Deaths (106), while The Creator With Fewest Deaths went to Philza (he only had 1!). Philza was able to be heard through stream but the hosts didn't know this so they would hear him from Quackity's phone and repeat what he was saying even though we could hear him

-Everytime the camera cut back to the hosts Charlie, Quackity and Missa had more cake on their faces

-Most Distance Traveled (in Minecraft) went to Etoiles (6,000+ km jfc)

-Creator With the Most Mob Kills went to Pierre (162,960 mob kills. what the fuck.)

-They accidentally read the award for Creator With the Most Damage Taken (Foolish) during the Best Builder announcement, confusing the shit out of everyone, especially cause the screen showed Mike instead of Foolish. I am still unclear who won Best Builder

-Creator With the Most Blocks Placed went to Mike!!! (MIKE WIN VAMBORAAAAAAAAAAA🇧🇷🇧🇷🇧🇷)

-We had to uncomfortably sit through Missa feeding Charlie cake (and just Charlie in general)

-There was an In Memorium segment of the passed eggs (Quackity shat on a grieiving Charlie for Flippa only lasting 11 days, but in Charlie's words, "to you it was 11 days; to her it was a lifetime"). Charlie commentated and had nothing to say about Trump because he didn't know jack shit about Trump (though he did make a wall joke which is exactly what Maxo would have wanted godbless🙏)

-The stream ended with the discord people saying goodbye, while Roier was holding up the mini Cucuruchos and didn't move the entire time. I know he wasn't frozen because he blinked.

-Maxo sent in his acceptance speech video last minute and Quackity hyped it up as a mysterious final entry but Charlie guessed it was Maxo and spoiled it on accident

-Speaking of, Maxo's entry was him walking around heaven looking for Trump </3

-Charlie gave a heartfelt speech about the people he met through the Qsmp, all while looking like ate out frosty the snowman <3. Missa simpy thanked Alberto (we still do not know who Alberto is)

-Tubbo wasn't present in the discord call because he thought him streaming meant he couldn't join. After the stream Quackity called and Tubbo realized he was allowed to join the whole time

-We ended on a montage of various moments, with a message of excitement looking forward to the next year!

And of course, here are the screenies I managed to nab of the hosts slowly deteriorating into cake

[silly-salty-utdr-rants]

copy pasting my knight papyrus take from my main

ok so im bored and i know no one will probably read this so im gonna lay out my papyrus knight theory/au timeline

for simplicity ill break it into three segments: what happened before to set up this chain of events, how and why papyrus does it, and bare bones evidence

1 before deltarune

generally this is working off my "gaster is bad at math theory" which, to summarize, basically says gaster started as a scientist in deltarune with 2 kids (sans and paps) accidentily fucks up the math and teleports to undertale, uses deltarunes superior tech to create the core, fucks up the math and falls in, frisk/player pulls up, after a bit sans and paps dip but gaster fucks up the math postmortem and they get stuck in deltarune resulting in papyrus becoming a hermit who accidentally opens a darkworld in his closet and then does the fucking grinch smile and causes a ruckus

2 why tho

how papyrus does it: something something prophecy, destiny, gaster fuckery, what have you. effectively via the same plot convenient saving grace that allows us to close the darkworlds and control kris

why does he do it: same reason he spares frisk in geno. he sees that characters like kris, berdly, susie and noelle and knows that they can do better, they just need to try. and what better reason to try than life threatening adventure? (sidenote: i fucking despise when people make the excuse of "Oh HeS bEiNg ~MaNiPuLaTeD~ bY ______" like no shut up let papyrus be morally ambiguous dammit) he is also likely aware of the titan situation and is just deadass like "NO I CAN TAKE THEM IN A 1V1 I THINK" also it makes sense narratively due to his incomplete character arc

3 DA FAX

the closet the chapter 2 darkworld was likely started from can fit and i quote "a large person" (especially combined with the skeletons in my closet line in undertale), he has been set up by sans to have a late game appearance, no alibis in chapter 1 or 2, in chapter 2 the "trousling bones" mentioned when interacting with the door of sans' house grows distant as another darkworld closes, as mentioned in section 2 his arc is still incomplete and as mentioned in my papyrus backstory post we dont even have a clue as to half the shit he's hiding, as a more meta reason bonetrousle was originally the main theme of deltarune, the "secret name" line from papyrus qna 2, the jevil reference dialogue in papyrus qna 2, and probably the most solid motive out of the candidates. that being the fact he believes so much in that people can do good if they try, to exercise that from a more cynical perspective of these beliefs (i.e people wont try unless they have to) could look like forcing them by way of obscure supernatural prophecy and lifechanging perilous adventure

bonus: why other candidates are dumb

gerson is fucking dead

gaster, while likely behind the secret bosses, seems a bit occupied with fucking with reality and would rather cast someone else (like his son????)

dess is currently entangled in the code and likely cant have much effect on the actual world

mrs. holiday seems like a better candidate for character development by darkworld than creator of darkworld

asriel is at college

kris has been controlled by us for most of the game and i aint see them open a darkworld beyond the one post chapter 2

player, i dont know about you guys, but i have not opened a darkworld

new character sounds REALLY boring tbh

ralsei, rouxls, and any darkner candidate are ruled out due to queens speech

[cherrybomb107]

Not to sound like a conspiracy theorist (though that term was literally coined by the powers that be to discredit people who got too close to the truth, but I digress), but does anyone else think that we’re being primed to believe that fighting back is morally wrong? Think about it. In kids’ shows, it’s a running joke how the MC will slaughter the bad guy’s henchmen like it’s nothing, but when it’s time to face the big bad, all of a sudden they can’t kill them got whatever reason. “I can’t kill you, cause that’ll make me just as bad as you.” “I’m better than that.” “That’s not the way.” Or something to that effect.

And it’s just like, no??? Wtf are you talking about? Why is the evil intergalactic overlord who flooded our village, burned down his village, killed her whole entire family, and kicks puppies every Thursday still alive? Why, when he has told and shown us, time and time and time again that he has no desire to change his ways? Why would you ever think, let alone say, let alone actually BELIEVE that killing that mfer puts you on the same level as him? What the actual fuck are we even talking about rn? If you don’t put that mfer in the ground EXPEDITIOUSLY I SWEAR I-

Nah, but really tho, what kind of message are we teaching our youth? “Violence is bad, full stop, and even though I can’t/won’t do anything to help you, I want you to know you’re just as bad as the villain for hitting them back?” Huh??? And it’s not just that this message is peddled in media. Let’s say if you’re getting bullied and you get fed up. You already told your parents, your teachers, your school counselors, and the principal, but nothing’s changed. That mfer and their bum ass friends have bullied you for 99 days in a row. The ONE DAY you decide to fight back(whether that’s with words, fists, feet, etc) both of you are getting suspended. Why? Because the school has a “zero tolerance policy”. But wait, that can’t be right. You being bullied for God knows how long wasn’t just tolerated; it was practically cosigned by the school! So why, when you have your back against the wall and get desperate, do the powers that be FINALLY decide to step in? Why now?

Another example, the way the phrase “respect your elders” has been twisted. It’s supposed to mean, have respect for those who came before you, and they’ll do the same to you. Treat people how you wanna be treated, right? But instead, “respect your elders” usually means “tolerate their disrespect towards you, or else”. If not, then you’re the one who’s “being disrespectful”. You’re the one who’s “talking back”. You’re the one who needs to “stay in a child’s place”. Why is that? Why do we make up terms for people who won’t take that shit lying down?

To summarize, demonizing people who fight back against the powers that be and framing that will to fight as a “bad thing” that makes them “just as bad” as the person/people/corporations/institutions who are doing the actual oppressing is a terrible lesson. It’ll only serve to dissuade people from trying to make a difference by any means necessary. Instead, they’ll try to do things the “right” way, like voting for example, which sounds good, but still relies on the institution working FOR the people, when it doesn’t. It never has.

In conclusion, I always have been and always will be a fan of “don’t start fights; finish them. Do what gotta do to get a mfer off your back”. I hope all that made sense lmaoo 😭😭😭

[sweaterkittensahoy]

Dumb shit I learned from youtube shorts tonight: Brown rice contains noticeably more arsenic than white rice.

And people were using this fact to try and sound scary.

Except.

And my god please note the except.

That doesn't actually mean sweet fuckall in 1) how much arsenic is contained in EITHER rice.

AND ALSO IF IT FUCKING MATTERS IN THE LONG RUN.

If I may give you a crash course in fuckery: If someone is talking a big game about a food being BAD because "WELL IT HAS A BAD THING" but a quick google does not actually turn up any information that proves the "bad thing" is truly "bad"? That's grifters grifting.

Here's an abstract (the thing that tells you the bare bones of the study results) from a study:

Brown rice has been advocated for as a healthier alternative to white rice. However, the concentration of arsenic and other pesticide contaminants is greater in brown rice than in white. The potential health risks and benefits of consuming more brown rice than white rice remain unclear; thus, mainstream nutritional messaging should not advocate for brown rice over white rice. This mini-review aims to summarize the most salient concepts related to dietary arsenic exposure with emphasis on more recent findings and provide consumers with evidence of both risks and benefits of consuming more brown rice than white rice. Despite risk-benefit assessments being a challenging new frontier in nutrition, researchers should pursue an assessment to validate findings and solidify evidence. In the interim, consumers should be cognizant that the dose of arsenic exposure determines its toxicity, and brown rice contains a greater concentration of arsenic than white rice.

From info later in the article: Arsenic as an idea is bad. But arsenic is also environmental. It's literally fucking everywhere. Arsenic in food is a worldwide thing.

From other info in the article: Our testing on why brown rice is better or worse than any other rice has some serious fuckboy testing vibes, and any negatives can't be directly related to arsenic.

In cases like this, I tend to rely on the following incredibly casual metric to decide where I land: If this thing you're claiming is bad for all of us was actually bad for all of us, the science would show it. While there are fuckboy techniques in testing the advantages of brown rice versus others, if brown rice was causing people serious medical issues because the arsenic levels were bad in general, that would be very obvious from any level of review.

Even with the fuckboy test questions about brown rice, if the problem was that the level of arsenic was harming people, we would see it in the available testing.

To say "brown rice has arsenic, so it's bad" is bullshit. It's like saying "If you drink at all, your liver will fail."

[askbensolo]

Journal Entry #52: don’t fall in love with boys who write, ‘cause they edit and edit till the story’s just right

I turned and slammed my fist into the wall. And then I yelled as loud as I could, and did it again even harder. And if that sounds like something I had already learned not to do in front of her, well—let’s just say I’m a slow learner.

“Ben,” she murmured from her place on the white stone bench, fiddling quietly with her fingers in her lap.

I tried to catch my breath, then slumped my back hard against the stucco wall and started picking off the scraped skin from the side of my hand. It stung, but I kind of liked it—it’s hard to explain. “Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. I just—I just wasn’t expecting to hear you to say that. Sorry.”

And what had she said, the reader may ask? Well—you might recall what she had said in that voice recording from earlier: that she wanted me, she needed me, she couldn’t live without me whether or not anyone else thought it was a good idea—all that stuff that made my ego go brrrrr—

Well, I come all the way to Ryloth and track her down, and she takes me into the depths of her father’s courtyard gardens where everything looks like a fairy tale, and tells me that: actually? She’s now considering a life of solitude, like the Jedi of old.

WHAT.

“I was in a really bad place when I sent you that message,” Fannie said quietly. “I…had just received some very difficult news, and I was feeling very alone, and I didn’t know why you weren’t talking to me…” She looked up at me, then, with the distrust of one scrutinizing a stranger. “To be honest, Ben, I don’t even know why you’re here right now.”

“Why else?” I asked, sinking down to the ground and matching the intensity of her gaze. “‘Cause I love you.”

It used to be difficult to say. But now, it was just like stating a fact. Water is blue. Space is black. Sand is coarse, rough and irritating. I love you.

But the words that had once made her light up and blush and giggle and look up at me with big sparkling eyes had no effect, this time, and her face, normally sweet and open, looked tired and closed-off. “Ben, you haven’t spoken to me for weeks. And it was certainly not for my lack of trying. But…it was actually rather helpful for me, because it gave me just what I needed in order to come to the conclusion that…that this probably isn’t right for us. Luke thought so, too. I went to visit him, a few weeks ago, and…”

“Yeah, I know you did,” I cut in quickly, to stop her from re-summarizing that whole saga all over again. “I was there. I overheard.”

She looked stunned. “You were—there?”

“Yeah, I was there,” I said, and it felt kind of good to say so, as if by doing so I was winning some kind of argument—I don’t know what, though. “I just so happened to be visiting the exact same weekend, and I was going over to his office to meet him, and then I overheard you talking to him, and I heard everything the two of you said. Or…most things. I heard what he said to you, anyway.”

Fannie frowned. “…So that’s why you weren’t talking to me,” she said stiffly, then cast her gaze down to her lap. “Well…I hadn’t decided yet, at that point. Not completely. I had decided mostly, but I still wanted to talk to you, first. That’s why I was asking you if we could talk—so that we could figure it out, together. But then, you kept on ignoring me, and left me to decide on my own—so, I was forced to come to my own decision, and perhaps it’s a good thing that I did, because—”

“Wait,” I interrupted, because I needed to know. “Did…did Luke tell you about what happened? Between me and him?”

Fannie looked at me and squinted, a little bit. “No. Why? Did something happen?”

Oh. So she didn’t know. A surprise, to be sure, but a welcome one.

Well, that was perfect, I thought to myself. Because—that meant she could hear it from me, instead of from Luke. It meant I could tell the story my way, and, maybe, make myself look a little less bad—

And then, I had a sudden thought:

Maybe it meant I didn’t need to tell the story at all.

Ooh.

Ooooooh.

Snoke? Snoke, was that you?

But, it wasn’t Snoke, and I knew it.

It was Ben. Pure, unadulterated Ben.

“Ben,” Fannie said, breaking through my thoughts, sounding sort of serious and sort of alarmed. “You’re…you’re frightening me. What happened between you and Luke?”

“Well…I talked to him,” I said slowly. “After you left. I didn’t want to freak you out, so I waited for you to leave, and then…then I went, and I talked to Luke.”

I stopped there, trying to figure out what to say next.

“…Yes?” Fannie urged, her eyes boring through me. “And then what happened?”

Well, I didn’t have any time to think. I decided to just roll with whatever started coming out of my mouth first.

“…And then I said, ‘Uncle Luke, I heard what you said to Fannie, and it kinda hurts my feelings, but it totally makes sense, and I really, really respect you for looking out for her.’” I pressed my lips together and looked at her to see how she’d react.

Oh, man. That was such a hot steaming load, even I couldn’t buy it.

Fannie blinked a couple of times, processing this information. (Disinformation?)

“…Okay,” she said slowly. “…And then?”

She…she bought it??

Well, I was really in it now. I couldn’t go back. I could only keep going forward.

“And then,” I went on, floundering for my next words, “he…he told me not to talk to you anymore, and—well—see—that’s why I haven’t been texting you all this time.”

Oh! Okay. Okay. So…not only are we not telling her the story…we are actually telling her a completely new one that we just made up right now. Okay. Okay! Cool cool cool.

“Luke…told you…not to talk to me?” Fannie echoed, looking sort of shocked. “That…doesn’t sound like something he’d do at all.”

Yeah, and there’s actually a really great explanation for that, I thought to myself dryly.

But, I just shrugged. “Yeah, well—he told me he thought you were too attached to me. That you’d be too tempted to start things up with me again. It didn’t really seem right to me, either, but—hey, he’s the Jedi Master, isn’t he? I just…figured he knew best.”

Fannie didn’t say anything back. But, I had her rapt attention, and her big brown eyes looked very big, and very sad.

“It was…really hard not to talk to you,” I continued, looking at her sincerely. (Except, not actually, because that would have required me to, you know, not be lying.) “I really wanted to talk to you. I missed you. A lot. I saw your voice message come in, but I didn’t open it. And then I couldn’t take it anymore, and I finally did open it—like, today, actually—and I heard how awful you sounded, and I couldn’t take it, and I had to come see you.”

You know what’s funny? It didn’t feel like lying. The more drawn-out this whole thing became, the more I actually started to…believe my own version of events. I mean…well…yeah! A lot of the emotions behind it were real, anyway—I really did feel like Luke had wronged us by meddling in our relationship and I really did miss her and I really was glad to see her right now. I sure liked this version of events better than the real version. So…why shouldn’t this version be the real one, instead? And by just…feeding it to her, I could make it true.

For the first time in a long time, I began to feel like everything between me and Fannie was gonna be…okay.

Huh. Who knew? The power to alter reality wasn’t exclusive to an occult Dathomirian magic, or hidden in some secret Sith holocron. No—the power to alter reality lived in my very tongue. And I sealed my new reality into existence with one final little lie:

“Ben…sorry, forgive me, but…are you…are you telling the truth right now?”

I paused, and licked my lips, and said the magic word.

“Yes.”

I could almost imagine a deep, resonant chime, like a deafening gong, rumbling out of my false confession and rippling out and forever altering the entire fabric of the universe and making it all, suddenly, true—

Except, no. It wasn’t that easy. I would have to keep chasing after and mending the tears myself, to keep the fabric of my new little universe from falling apart.

Fannie shook her head like she had a headache. “I…I should talk to Luke.”

“No,” I told her quickly, ready with my needle and thread. “I—well—I don’t want him to know I talked to you. I promised him I wouldn’t. I don’t want him to find out.”

Miraculously, she nodded. But, not as one who was fully awake—she nodded as if she were in a dreamlike trance. I don’t think I was really all that convincing. I think she was just too overwhelmed to really think critically.

That, and I had probably built up enough trust with her by now that she didn’t think I’d just lie to her face.

“This…yes, this changes a lot,” she said, knitting an imaginary scarf with her fingers. “I…Ben, I’m sorry. I misjudged you. I thought—well, I assumed—you’ve had trouble replying to my messages before, so I jumped to conclusions, and—no, I’m sorry. Why would Luke—? I still don’t understand, but—no, this—this changes a lot of things.”

I stood up. Slowly.

And approached her.

And sat down next to her on the bench.

And held my hand out toward hers.

And looked her in the big brown eyes.

She looked at me, and hesitated, then placed her hand in mine.

W-o-w. It had been weeks since we’d last talked. But since we’d been on different worlds since the start of September, we hadn’t touched in months (well, two of ‘em, I guess—but two still counts). Touching her was like touching a live wire. I started—well…feeling things. Things I’d never felt my whole life up until sometime this summer. My heart started pounding—but this was the good kind of heart rate increase.

I think she started feeling things, too.

We looked at each other.

I put my free hand under her chin, and tilted her face up a little, and didn’t look away from her eyes, and brought my face reeeal close to hers till we were breathing each other’s breath, and nuzzled her cheek with my nose, and pressed my lips to her jawline, and drew back and looked her in the eyes again. Just to see what would happen.

Well…we started swappin’ cooties, that’s what happened. And I’m not in the business of writing that kind of stuff, so I’ll just tell you we kept all our clothes on and we still didn’t kiss on the mouth exactly and we never hit any bases but just messed around on the infield like five feet out from the batter’s box and you’ve probably seen worse on middle school campuses anyway—but I’m still skipping ahead regardless.

“No, wait, stop,” she mumbled, muffled by my hair. This was about twenty minutes later. (Maybe? It’s always so hard to tell.) “I—I don’t want to be doing this. I just told you that I don’t want to be with anyone—that I want to dedicate myself to the Force—at least for now.”

I got up off of her and knelt down in the grass and grinned and wiped off my mouth on my sleeve, because I was all slobbery (see, I told ya—I don’t write romance flimsibacks). “With all due respect, Fan? You’re not cut out for celibacy.”

She glared at me as she wiped my spit off her cheek. “I really think that’s my call to make, not yours.”

“Hey, I’m just repeating what you said, sister.”

“What did I say? And when?”

“That whole time I was kissin’ up your neck just now. You were going ‘I’m not cut out for celibacy I’m not cut out for celibacy’ under your breath. I could hear you.” I laughed at her, and she flushed.

“I…I didn’t know you could hear.”

“Well—your mouth was right next to my ear, sweetheart, of course I could hear!”

“Oh.”

I laughed again and kissed her on the cheek. She giggled, embarrassed, and let me do it.

Things almost felt like they used to.

But…they weren’t. Not yet, anyway.

“…No. No.” She detangled herself from me and sat up against the wall and buried her face in her hands. “I…can’t let myself change my mind, just because you’re here. Even if it wasn’t your fault that you weren’t talking to me. No—I made up my mind. I can’t be in a relationship right now. Not with everything going on with Pennie—I’m too vulnerable to unhealthy attachments.”

“Wait—what’s going on with Pennie?” I asked, shuffling over on my knees and sitting next to her. “Besides what you told me last spring?”

When she had told me last spring about her youngest sister’s…relationship with their father, it had taken a long time for her to spit it out, and she had done so amidst heavy sobs. This time, it came out as easily as a breath, and her eyes were dry and hollow.

“Well, Ben: Pentarra has offered to make my sister one of his wives.”

I stared. He had already made her one of his dancers. But…one of his wives?

Ew.

“But…she’s his daughter.”

Fannie nodded.

“That’s…disgusting.”

She nodded again, and nearly smiled—the kind of smile one smiles when life has become so cruel as to be almost humorous. And for a second, I felt horrible that I was—maybe—I don’t know—taking advantage of her current vulnerable state to try to get her to stay with me and be mine—

But then, I reframed it in my head, and felt…not so bad. I wasn’t taking advantage of anything. She needed me—now more than ever. She’d said so herself, in that voice recording. She’d been in a rough place when she recorded it, sure—but, isn’t that when people are at their most honest?

“I am the only one in my family who has been willing to say out loud that this is wrong,” Fannie went on. “Not everyone approves, necessarily—but no one else will speak out against it. My sister hates me, because she feels I don’t think I can make her own decisions. She sees this as her wedding. Everyone is preparing for it as if it were a wedding. Well, it’s no wedding to me—it is merely a perverse charade, and I will not—cannot—honor their false union. I have felt very alone, and I know that right now I am very susceptible to developing an unhealthy attachment—so, I’m sorry, Ben, even if we did share the same beliefs about the Force…now’s just not a good time for me.”

“What is an unhealthy attachment, anyway?” I asked, then.

“An attachment that would cause me to place my trust and hope in it, rather than in the Force,” Fannie explained, almost mechanically. “And I cannot afford distraction at such a crucial time in my life.”

I looked her in the eyes. “But…at such a crucial time in your life, you’d still be alone,” I told her.

She looked out into the distance. “The Force is all I need, Ben. I must remind myself of that.”

“No,” I argued, and reached over and turned her face to look at me. “No. I may not believe all your beliefs, Fan—not with the same level of conviction that you do, anyway—but I do know your beliefs and I know what the Jedi teach. I’ve heard you say so yourself: the Force isn’t a person. It’s an impersonal energy. You could be as close to the Force as Master Yoda himself, and you’d still be all alone, and have no one. The Force doesn’t love you. The Force doesn’t know you. The Force doesn’t give a crap about you—it can’t. When you’re staring at the ceiling and crying your eyes dry in the middle of the night till your ribcage aches and your fingers go numb, the Force will not feel a damn—darn—thing for you. It’s a power you can draw from, a source of supernatural energy, whatever—but at the end of the day? It doesn’t freaking care. Because it can’t. It’s just a thing. Midichlorians, or whatever the frick. You’re gonna place your trust and hope in that? You’d still be alone. All alone.”

She looked like she was about to say something—to pose an argument, or something—but she stopped short. Her eyes widened in a swell of panicked horror and filled with tears, and her hands started to tremble. Her breathing became kind of short and ragged. I could feel her heart opening up and splitting like a huge, raw wound.

Ooh. I’d gotten her good.

And so what if it came at the expense of shaking the very foundations of her most deeply-held religious beliefs? If something couldn’t hold up to a good shaking, was it even worth believing in?

I saw doubt in her eyes. Tasted it in the air all around her. Wondered what Uncle Luke would think of that.

Maybe Luke had been right about me, after all: Ben Solo, corrupter of Jedi.

…Or maybe of just one Jedi in particular.

I reached out, and held both her hands tight in mine to still her trembling. Pulled her a little closer to me.

“Fannie. I’m a person,” I told her slowly, stamping out each word in durasteel. “I know you, and I love you. I could be with you, in all of this. I want to be there for you, and with you.” I laid a gentle kiss on top of her tear-stained cheek. “The Force is great and all, and if you wanna build your life around it, cool—but it’s not a person, it’s a thing. You need a someone, Fannie, not a something. So, all I’m saying is…” I kissed her other cheek, and then her nose. “Let me be your someone. Please.”

She whimpered. I felt it again—the splintering of her heart.

“I…I want to say yes, Ben, I just…don’t know…”

“Fan. Please. I’m not saying this for me. I’m saying this for you.” (This was something I said because it sounded good, not because it was actually true.)

But she shook her head and blinked out some more tears, and I spent several more minutes persuading and a few more minutes cajoling and I even threw in a little begging for fun—still, I couldn’t get her to say yes, and my patience, which you will be surprised to learn I’ve never had in high reserves anyway, began to wear thin.

“Well…think about it,” I said finally, maybe a little rougher than I meant to, turning out from her again and sitting back against the wall. “And—think about it quickly, if you can. I need to get back to Naboo tonight. Tomorrow morning, latest. I just spent the weekend on Kashyyyk with Amalia—”

“You were with Amalia all weekend?” Fannie interrupted suddenly, like she was waking up, her eyes wide. Her lower lip sucked in a little bit.

I blinked at her, trying to figure out what was going on (I’m a little slow like that sometimes), and I was about to go “oh, chill out, it wasn’t anything weird, we just went as friends”—

But…then it occurred to me. That…keeping my mouth shut? Kind of maybe swayed things in my favor.

So…I shrugged a little, kept my cards to myself, and looked at her to see what she’d do.

“…Are you…interested in dating people now?” Fannie asked finally. She bit her lip. “Because, you said before that you weren’t…that you weren’t interested in dating. Just interested in me.”

Oh, so now she was paying attention!

She was right. I had said that. After I’d decided to fall in love with her (because that’s how it had happened for me; I didn’t just fall in love, I had to decide to do it), part of me wondered if it would change how I saw other girls. But, it didn’t. I looked around me and nothing magical had happened and whenever I looked at women I still just saw people. And whenever I looked at Amalia, I almost saw a dude (except in certain select low-light conditions, apparently).

But Fannie didn’t need to know that.

“Weeell…” I said slowly, as if I were thinking through it, when in reality it was already thought out. “Being with you kinda made me realize…that it’s actually sort of nice to have someone around.” Which was true. “And, that I maybe would like to have a partner after all.” Which was true. “And…I don’t know. Amalia and I do get along pretty well.” Which was true.

I looked at her, and shrugged, and checked my metaphorical hand under the metaphorical table, and watched for her next move.

And, oh, wait—there was an ace in here! I whipped that out and laid it down.

“But…if I was gonna be with anyone…I’d really like it to be you…Fa’nakhra,” I whispered, stroking the back of my index finger against her cheek. And I totally butchered her name, I’m sure, but—you know? It’s the thought that counts.

And with all my cards out now, I ended my turn, and waited to see what she’d do.

Well…she folded, that’s what she did. My bluff worked, and the ace clinched it. She folded, and she folded in half, and she laid down in my lap and clasped her arms around my waist and cried and said she didn’t want to be alone—she wanted to be my girlfriend. My girlfriend! So I could finally stop with the whole “girlfriend-not-really-my-girlfriend” thing and just call her my girlfriend now. And yeah, it kinda sucks that she had to come to that decision after the really manipulate-y “what if I dated someone who wasn’t you?” instead of the slightly-less-manipulate-y “let me be your person,” but—hey—I got what I wanted, and that was the important thing to me.

Oh yeah and also getting to be there for her during this trying time—that was important to me, too, of course. Just for the record.

But…I felt like crap for lying to her about me and Luke. And, I felt like crap for kind of goading her into this position. And, I thought to myself, no—wait—if I let this go on, it’s just gonna keep getting worse and worse—I have to nip this in the bud now, or I’m gonna ruin both our lives—so…even though it hurt like hell, I gritted my teeth and pulled her up and looked her in the eyes and said, wait, no, Fan, wait…I’m sorry…this is all just a huge mess…I’ve really screwed things up…I haven’t been fair to you…and I came clean to her about everything—

Except…no, I didn’t, because that whole last paragraph was a giant freaking lie, and I just lied to you exactly like how I lied to her. What I really did was I held her in my arms and I grinned all sweet and I wiped off her tears as she was still crying and said, okay, Fan, it’s official then: you’re my girlfriend! And then I kissed her—not on the mouth, but close enough that the corners of our lips brushed, and guess what, your boi has a girlfriend now, officially.

But—didn’t you wish that it was true? Didn’t you feel happier when you thought it was? Didn’t you like me better two paragraphs ago? Don’t you hate me more now that I told you I lied? Wasn’t that a much more satisfying draft, and wasn’t I a much more likable character?

…Exactly.

See?

I should’ve just let you believe the lie.

[kafkaoftherubble]

Here's a detailed ask about each playable character! Not covering Ira or Ædith because you know them. I unfortunately do not know what weapon each character would have yet, I'm still trying figure that out 💔

Zoltan

Ædith's dear little brother. He's kind of a piece of shit (think Messar or Sylvain) but he gets his act together when Ædith is arrested and helps her break out prison. He's playable from chapter 2-14, then he leaves the army and helps out Gail (his and Ædith's older sister) and works as a spy for Ædith.

Stella, Volkaire's assistant!

Stella is actually fairly similar to Ira in that she could end up going either way with the war, but ends up siding with Volkaire in the end. She's playable from chapter 2-14

Brandi!

You know her too! Lovely baker lady who joins the arm in chapter 6 and immediately captures Lewis' heart. Outside of supports, he'd flirt with her but it's only in their support line that they start dating and the issue of the marriage permit is brought up.

Lewis

Soldier in the Odedan army and he's playable from chapter 2 to the very end! He's very polite but nervous, hardly even having the confidence to ask out Brandi until he gets encouragement from friends in the support line with Brandi. He's not as overtly ableist as in earlier versions, it's all just cause he doesn't know any better and he's incredibly supportive of Brandi when she tells him about her intrusive thoughts and anxiety.

Sigmund!!! My guy!!!

Guy in his 60s who is the commander of the Odedan army because he was born into the house that takes leadership of the military. He somewhat dislikes Volkaire and is very open minded, becoming a republican around the same time as Ira.

Flynn!

A young man from Odeda, but his family is Habadan. You didn't answer the Habad ask so I'll just summarize here. His grandmother is Jasmin, former teacher of Maurice. When she was arrested for treason, she escaped and returned to Habad while her family was forced into slavery. Flynn has been working on dragon farms since he was 6 and he resents Habad and blames his family for his suffering. He's Habadan by blood but culturally very Odedan.

I sent an ask about Rurik already so I'm not sending another. Even though Maurice isn't playable, they'd still have interactions together.

Helena!!!!!!!!!!

So Odeda lives in the Odedan/Pylarkian desert but lives there in her human form where she uses the alias Josie. Odeda adopted Helena, a young girl without a family and took care of her. Helena and Ira were kind of friends as kids, so Ira is thrilled to see her again when she joins the party near the end of the story. Helena is aware that Josie is Odeda, but never says anything because it's not it's a bad thing and she's grateful to have such a loving guardian.

And last but not least, my beloved Yagaan!

Yagaan is a soldier from Nini who has very bad anxiety. She went through various traumatic events as a kid and she's doing better as an adult. She studied in Odeda alongside Sigmund's niece so she often visits Sigmund's house to see his niece. Cause of this, she's also acquainted with Sigmund and more than happy to fight alongside him when he and Ædith request Ninese forces to take down Volkaire

Yo I'm just picking random letter to respond to first now, ahhahaaha!

Not knowing which weapon to get them yet? Ha! Lemme haphazardly suggest some as I comment about each!

Zoltan

O-ho, the unreliable lil' bro who stepped up, aye? I think this sounds like an axe user. It goes against the usual weapons nobles prefer, right? Lances and swords? I also think he could use knives, too. Generally something that goes against his noble backdrop.

Stella

Volkaire's assistant? So like what, his strategist, secretary, or loyal underling? Either way, I think nothing spells loyalty and steadfast better than a cleric/healer. It will be quite surprising, right? That someone as soft as a cleric could actually be so sucked in by propaganda to take a stance contradictory to the power of healing.

Brandi

Brandi, the first mate who lured me down this rabbithole! I think she could be a healer! Or a dancer/bard/ya know those morale-boosting class.

Lewis

Ooh, so is he no longer a spy in the game? I thought I would suggest knives for him, but judging from his attitude, he could probably be an archer. Nervous but polite archers are pretty interesting combo, since it seems like they are too nervous to kill someone right in the latter's face, and yet possess the ability to critically wound or take enemies out anyway.

Sigmund

Ha! So here's your old man with experience! It's so cliche to place him as a Paladin or a Great Knight with a lance, sword, and axe, huh? Well, you could always make him a tank. So... a general? I still think him being able to use all three melee weapons are pretty fitting for his background.

Flynn

OH SHIT, I MISSED OUT ON YET ANOTHER LORE LETTER? Goddamn, how did this other thing evade me?! I gotta find it later.

If he's culturally Odedan and works on a dragon farm, I kinda think he will do well with a sword, which I assume is the weapon of choice for Odeda and a bow, because honestly, the weapon that makes the most sense when you're riding a wyvern is ranged. Maybe he's good with a boomerang when he's on foot.

Helena

This one is a mage who can use a sword. Yea. What can be better than being taught magic by a god?

Yagaan

Okay, I mean, I was eyeing her because "noble who got her position through nepotism but is actually rather competent and very diligent" sounds like a character I will very likely stan, but traumatic events? I did not expect that. At all. I think she can be a good mage, with an additional twist: she's actually even more competent in dark magic than normal/anima magic, but it will require her to be bold and confident, and overcome/process her traumas better. Dark is not evil; one who has been hurt does not necessarily hurt others!

[phantatrix]

My preconceptions of Ace Attorney before actually playing the games

[Based on the whole franchise rather than any individual games since I don't know what happens in what game specifically]

I only remember like 3 character names but it seems like everyone has the weirdest sounding names imaginable

Before checking if The Great Ace Attorney was on the switch, I thought it was a sequel series to Ace Attorney and that Apollo Justice was the protagonist but it turns out it takes place in the late 19th century so never mind on that

There’s something heartbreaking that happens just before Christmas even though this is meme by the fandom every year. I think someone important to the main cast dies or something

Refining my new take on Apollo Justice (since I was wrong about what The Great Ace Attorney was) is that he’s actually in the first series and he’s Phoenix Wright’s nephew (either biological, adopted, or a found family situation)

The magician girl is Phoenix’s adopted daughter and she’s bffs with Apollo Justice

There’s a racist vampire. I think he’s in TGAA but either this series is an urban fantasy or there just happens to be one vampire who’s there for some unknown reason and everyone rolls with it

Phoenix went to art school but discovered that his childhood friend Miles Edgeworth (whom he hasn’t seen in years) had enrolled in law school so he also goes to law school so he can catch up with him

There’s this one guy who has a huge mental breakdown from law school and he goes through major depression but his friends try to help him through it (I’m sorry I can’t be more specific I really don’t know any of these characters names, I just recognize him from angsty fan art my friend has drawn before)

This Tumblr post does a great job summarizing how I imagine Phoenix and Miles to be like during the trials https://pauladrawsnstuff.tumblr.com/post/720025716031356928/audio-from-themornal

This is less of a preconception and more of a wish. But, like in danganronpa v3, I really hope that there’s an option to lie in court cause that’d be so funny. Let phoenix have a little perjury as a treat

There’s straight up a dude named Herlock Sholmes. I really wish he was the protagonist of one of the games but I know he's a side character more than anything

It turns out that there is a trilogy for Apollo Justice so I was super wrong about him showing up in the ace attorney trilogy (I guess I have no idea who Apollo is in this franchise)

Apollo is somehow going to be the most normal protagonist not because he's actually normal but because everyone else is so much more ridiculously eccentric and weird

Oh my God is there a sentient magical hat named Mr hat??? Out of everything I most want this to be true. I'm begging (but for real is ace attorney an urban fantasy?? I thought this was about a normal ass lawyer??)

Omg one of the characters does the ghost trick death pose and I can't wait to learn these characters names cause I super don't know

There's some sort of martial artist who's part of the cast and I think hes quick to square up with people, like he has a super short temper except around his friends

Ace Attorney games 5 and 6 are straight up bad it turns out (I'm hoping these aren't part of the Apollo justice trilogy cause he looks like such a neat guy and he deserves everything good in the world)

Phoenix canonically calls Edgeworth "daddy" (this isn't a preconception, my friend straight up told me and this convinced me even more to play the games)

I know ace attorney predates ghost trick and danganronpa but I bet there's gonna be some of the most complex murder schemes known to mankind that'll be uncovered in the trials like the two games I mentioned (I have heard danganronpa described as ace attorney meets battle royale so I'm super stoked about the mystery investigation sections of aa)

I don't know how much later the Apollo justice trilogy takes place from the aa trilogy but phoenix is gonna pretend that he's not really phoenix and there's gonna be some big plot twist where reveals himself and he tells Apollo how proud he is of him to solve a near impossible case

[raxistaicho]

The Savior Prince! Edelgard in Thracia, chapter three

This one's mostly an elongated battle. I find battles that are on the one-to-one scale extremely tedious to write and read - I prefer looking broadly at the movement of soldiers and strategies, not on the main characters doing cool shit.

Unfortunately, Reyna is firmly in the second camp. Therefor, I'll summarizing more often. That's not to say there won't be anything to talk about, though, especially once Leif himself arrives.

Spoiler: Reyna's pretty spotty about the kind of person he's supposed to be this early on. Leif, when written in-character doesn't exactly fit her preference for power fantasy protags.

Before we start,

DO NOT FUCKING GO PESTER REYNA IN HER COMMENTS SECTION. I DON'T WANNA SEE PEOPLE COPY-PASTING MY ARGUMENTS HERE IN COMMENTS TO HER EVER AGAIN.

So evidently I've been bullying some widdle iddy-biddy fanfic and that's bad.

Two things:

One, being small or irrelevant doesn't mean you're protected from criticism.

B, The Flame Empress and the Liberation of Thracia might be a small fic, but ReynaAtTheEnd is not a small writer. The Savior King, The Master Tactician and the Queen of Liberation is the number 2 fic on under Three Houses on AO3 for Hits, 7th in kudos, 3rd in comments, and 7th in bookmarks. This is out of around 47,000 fanfics. It has a large tv tropes page, too. Reyna's a 1-percenter as far as Three Houses fanfic writers go and to call her small or random is grossly disingenuous.

The Flame Empress and the Liberation isn't small because Reyna is some fresh plucky-eyed writer, still unknown to the world: it's small because this ain't 2019 anymore, it's still very new, and it's a spin-off crossover involving the blackest black sheep of the Fire Emblem franchise aside from the original Gaiden. And even then, Flame Empress, when compared to its July 2023 contemporary fics, has many times as much recognition as them.

So getting that idiocy out of the way.

Anyways, Lifis's pirates are attacking and Edelgard and Ronan are trying to sound the horn. Funfact, Lifis is a recruitable character, and a rather important one as far as gameplay is concerned, no less. And no, he's not particularly sympathetic and he doesn't really have a sob-story, he's just pragmatic in his douchebaggery and Leif understands he could really use a thief. I wonder what Reyna will do with him.

Edelgard had encountered a few of his grunts some time ago; they'd come into the tree grove where she and a few other girls had been picking apples and made a series of lecherous threats in exchange for leaving without 'causing a ruckus'. Beating the three unconscious with a stepstool had been the only moment to burst through the dull apathy that choked her like a heavy cloak ever since she woke here.

At least Reyna acknowledges Edelgard is a badass, even without her Crest of Flames. We'll see how long that lasts, given Reyna also once had Yuri (yes, that Yuri) subject her to the Standard Female Grab Area. Edelgard notes this raid is unusually big and decides she needs to take Lifis out to end this for good.

Once everyone started pouring into the streets, babbling in confusion and fear

It'd probably be "roads" rather than "streets" even in a good-sized village, which Iz isn't one of. Edelgard tries to reach for Aymr but of course she doesn't have it. Instead she goes for a woodcutter's axe, noting its poor quality and the direness of the situation.

Edelgard turned on her heel and ran toward the tallish spire of Iz's church. Her lack of any kind of armour is a phantom feeling across her entire body; she pushes down her unease harshly, without it I'll be lighter on my feet and get more attacks in. Besides, these are bandits, cowards preying on people who can't fight back. If I needed the armour of an Emperor to beat them, I would be ashamed of myself!

Edelgard is actually quite agile, as you can see even in her Emperor animations. She twirls axes like they're batons. Now obviously it's totally normal to be uneasy about being underequipped, but she can manage just fine. I'm only bringing this up because there's this notion among her detractors that Edelgard wouldn't be anything special without her Crests, Aymr, or special armor, which is just nonsense.

Ronan's mom is upset that Ronan is leaving to fight (this is mostly a modified version of his recruitment quote - he's recruited in the game chapter this fic chapter is portraying). Then we get,

The lack of hope in her voice... it matched the faces of everyone she'd woken up with her warning yells, and it disturbed her how uniform it was. The defeatism. No one had any faith that the world would change or that they could push back the darkness facing them. They only prepared for impact in the hope that being yielding will please their attackers and prevent them from destroying everything, only most things.

Eeeyyy, all right, we've got some of that Edelgard, pursuer of the future and defender of the people going, 'bout time! :D

“Contessa,” she said calmly. “I was an axe knight once.

Just bringing this up to express how weird it is to say it like this. Class names in Fire Emblem only exist for gameplay purposes, the only class that comes close to just being an actual thing in and of itself is the pegasus knight, which is extremely distinct and very specific to Fire Emblem as a series. It'd be much more natural for Edelgard to just assure Contessa she knows how to fight. Reyna does this kinda thing a lot, sadly.

Anyways, Edelgard assures Contessa she'll keep an eye on Ronan, then she urges Ronan to get to high ground and provide covering fire. Oh, Edelgard, if only you knew that mobility is like Ronan's only redeeming quality as a unit. Shitposting aside, good enough tactics for the situation.

Checking the pirates as they charge up, Edelgard notes most have axes but some have bows. It's the latter that concerns her, but we won't actually see Edelgard fight any hunters (bow-wielding rogue-styled units from the Archanea and Jugdral games), so... bwuh? She then boosts and/or tosses Ronan onto a nearby roof, so good to see she's still superhumanly strong.

Edelgard is concerned about lacking the Crest of Flames:

Ah, we don't have a healer. The priest is inside the church, needs to be there to keep a panic from sparking. And I don't have the Crest of Flames anymore...

Just bringing that up to demonstrate how Reyna puts a significant emphasis on the respective powers of the Crests. The self-healing was nice but just nice.

“Okay!” Ronan nodded sharply. “Be careful!” That you care enough to say so...

Reyna, Edelgard knows what kindness is. Or are you acknowledging she was in a terrible place after Byleth got all of her friends to ditch her?

Edelgard gave him a salute in lieu of promising him anything. Then she runs toward the wave of pirates. Already Ronan was taking shots, arrows whisking through the air above her head and raining down around the pirates. His aim is hit and miss, mostly striking shoulders or legs when the arrows didn't wiff.

An arrow shot to the leg or shoulder would be debilitating in this setting. Now obviously in the games proper, Annoying Arrows is in effect most of the time, but Reyna kinda-sorta tries to go for a more gritty, realities of war situation when it suits her and when Claude isn't abusing Talking is a Free Action, so I'm going to hold her to that standard.

It reminded her of Bernadetta, when they'd gone on their first church-sanctioned 'mission'

Reyna don't diss Bernie :/ She's way way better than Ronan. Girl matches Dimitri's damage.

[A random pirate] recognizes her too. “You...! Bitch!” The man snarled, immediately breaking away to attack her. “Is that the best you can come up with?” Edelgard inquired sarcastically.

Edelgard doesn't really trash-talk during a fight. She waits until her enemies are dead, usually.

And yes, that short paragraph did indeed use both past and present-tense. Reyna's inconsistent tense is one of the most distracting things about her writing.

He swung wildly at her; she dodges between both his strikes and swings her axe up at his face. She slashes one of his eyes – good, she thinks as he screams in agony

Okay that man is either dead or rolling on the ground in utter agony. And if he survives the battle he's almost certainly going to die to infection. That is the kind of actual grittiness Reyna misses.

this axe can at least cut the skin – and delivers a Crest-empowered kick to his stomach, sending him staggering backwards. Then she changed her hold and slammed the hilt of the axe into the man's bloody face, causing him to crumple like tin to the ground.

This is a lot of injuries to deal to a single person.

She doesn't get a second to appreciate the ease of that; both of his friends had zeroed in on her too. Ronan caught one of the men in the neck with a well-placed arrow, but the second one falls on her in a seething rage. “I'm going to tear you apart after I'm done with you!” The man raged, grabbing her by the hair.

Why isn't she attacking him? Reyna didn't indicate he just moved too fast for her or that she was busy. What, was she waiting for her ATB gauge to kill?

Edelgard swore at the sudden pain, stumbling over her feet.

Edelgard's endured far worse than having her hair pulled...

She forced herself to relax so he could pull her closer, then delivered a vicious kick to the inside of his shin and slamming the hilt of the woodcutter's axe between his legs.

Damn, Edie XO

The strangled noise he uttered before releasing her hair was very satisfying. “Hah,” Edelgard uttered scornfully as she whipped around and swung her axe at his neck.

First, this is some Marvel shit with the trash talking. Second, wasn't she on the ground? How's she reaching his neck, Edelgard is short.

It promptly got stuck an inch or so in his flesh, forcing her to waste precious seconds wrenching it free to some truly disgusting gurgling sounds.

There, see? Reyna can be gruesome when it's convenient.

The next pirate was after her right away, and the man she'd hit wasn't quite dead yet

What. The dude got hit in the groin from Edelgard's super strength and then almost got decapitated. Even if he's still clinging to life he shouldn't be in any condition to move, let alone fight. Edelgard takes a light injury to the arm, for which she notes:

Arm wound... ugh, largely superficial, but that bleeding will get to me if I let it go on for too long. No time to tear up something for a tourniquet, though. Maybe one of these pirates has a vulnerary on them that I can grab...?

She should be worried about infection.

Her arm throbbed in protest of being ignored as Edelgard slammed her axe into the pirate's chest. She has to do it three times before she hears his death gurgle.

Steal one of their weapons, Edelgard, the one you've got is clearly blunt.

She heard the next attacker running straight at her, and cursed quietly. She grabbed the fallen man's axe off the ground and threw it at her newest attacker; it doesn't land blade in

Now I'm picturing it clonking him on the head with a big "bonk" sound, dammit. Weird time for hand axes in Fire Emblem to have that issue.

They fight for a bit, village man dies, Edelgard uses the Crest of Seiros to decapitate the man who killed him in a single blow - I'm half-surprised he doesn't keep fighting for a bit given the track record - but the force also breaks her own axe. Steal one of the pirates' axes, Edelgard! Thracia is all about nicking enemy weapons!

Instead, Edelgard fights hand-to-hand, until,

...And that's when she saw the paladin. His blue hair made him stand out, even in the middle of a fight; he'd be easily noticeable even without the horse he was astride upon. The man easily closed the distance between himself and her, his lance impaling one of her approaching enemies from behind. It was a brave lance, Edelgard realized with a start; aged slightly, but very well maintained, and an unarmoured ruffian had no chance against it.

Finn has arrived!

He's Leif's sworn knight who's served and protected him since he was an infant. He's also the only unit in Genealogy of the Holy War to appear in both generations of the story (as playable. Shannan, Oifey, and Lewyn appear, but are not playable in both generations), so that coupled with his near-permanent availability in Thracia means Finn's got something of a storied history in the Jugdral games!

Also, he's a Lance Knight, not a Paladin. I'd chalk this up to Edelgard applying her Fodlan-centered lack of knowledge of how things work in Thracia, but I'm pretty confident Reyna's going to get this wrong often.

See, Thracia loosened it a bit, but in Jugdral, the Cavalier and Paladin lines are largely unique to the noble houses of Nordion and Chalphy. They aren't treated as catch-all promoted mounted knights like they are in other games, they're specifically prestigious holy knights.

Finn is a Lance Knight and promotes to a Duke Knight, both of which only use lances, though in Thracia he can use swords (and ONLY swords!) when he dismounts (this is true of all mounted classes aside from bow-wielding mounted ones, which retain bows when dismounted).

Yeah, Kaga was big on lances being mounted-only unless you were a soldier or an armor.

There was someone sitting behind him on his horse, too; as the knight trotted in an arc around her, he hopped off and drew a long, golden blade that glittered with light. It – had slightly similar characteristics to the Levin sword, but it was a completely different shape and the magic didn't smell of the ozone before a storm.

“Are you alright?” The man – no, the boy asked her. He was tallish for his age, spiky brown hair messy and falling around his face framing his dark blue eyes, but looking at his face immediately reminded Edelgard of Lysithea; a matured child who knew from experience that the world is not fair or just by nature.

And this is Leif. Emblem Leif, to be clear.

Now obviously Leif is going to be more hardened than other children, but he's specifically still quite naive at this point in his journey, and he's going to stay that way for a long time to come - if he's written properly, that is.

It's a major point that Leif - despite living in exile - has had a relatively easy life due to his heritage and having nobles and his retainer to look out for him, and thus he doesn't understand the hardships of the truly downtrodden in the Thracian peninsula.

Leif introduces himself and his allies, Fianna Freeblades, and says they've come to save the day.

He raised his sword above his head, and a beam of holy magic bursts from the tip and flies like an arrow to pierce the shoulder of the nearest pirate that the paladin hadn't dealt with.

(snort), don't be fooled: Leif isn't nearly this badass at this point in the game, nor should he in the story. Edelgard says she needs an axe.

Leif nodded in understanding and yelled, “Halvin!” One of the axe men broke away from the fight and hurried over to him; Edelgard's eyebrows shoot up when she sees multiple weapons somewhat awkwardly strapped to his sides, like he was acting as a human mule.

No, Reyna, human mule is Marty's job.

I'm not actually kidding, Marty's combat is just kinda bad and unreliable forever but his monstrous base con is put to use grabbing enemies off of allies to let them go after a capture is finished. He's pretty good for that!

Halvin asks Edelgard for the situation, and then,

“We must defend the church,” Edelgard said, snapping out of her surprise. “The citizens are taking shelter there. I'm not sure who's leading the attack, but I suspect they're in the process of sacking the mayor's house.”

Leif nodded and waved at the paladin. “Finn! Go and guard the church entrance with Dagdar!” The blue-haired man raises his lance in acceptance and wheels around to do so, trampling a pirate foolish enough not to get out of his way. “Halvin, tell Tanya to coordinate with the other archer here-”

“Ronan,” Edelgard put in.

“Ronan,” Leif corrected himself without losing stride. “Tell her to back up Ronin and keep up the pressure. You and Osian, protect the two of them.” His brows furrow tightly, showing both nervousness and determination. Relatively untested, most likely. Nevertheless Halvin nodded sharply and rushed off to his task.

It's not necessarily a problem that Leif is taking command, but he shouldn't be so fluid about this. He's not experienced in combat and, while he's important, he's not technically the commander of this army: Eyvel is. Additionally, unlike Finn and Eyvel, he doesn't have a leadership star (a Thracia game mechanic, for each leadership star present among your deployed units, every allied unit gains 3% hit and avo), nor does he ever have one until one of the advisors are present.

This, combined with the previous bits just kinda express a lack of understanding about what Leif's character arc is. She kinda did the same thing with Claude and Dimitri in Queen of Liberation where she immediately had both on Byleth's level, but you just can't do that with Leif even with heavy artistic license. He's not experienced, he's not wise (he makes a lot of mistakes, in fact), he's not badass, and he's not respected for his accomplishments but for his purpose as a rallying figure. Hoo boy, this'll be a long fanfic.

Then,

“Think... have to think... Eyvel?” “I'm right here, little lord.” The swordswoman – tall, blonde and noticeably older than Leif, experience radiating off even her casual walk – comes up to them as if his thoughts had summoned her. Her face is slightly weathered, prematurely aged but not nearly to the same extent as Contessa, and she smiles when she stops in front of the two of them. Leif visibly straightens up a little. “Do you have orders for me?” Leif briefly looked surprised, then visibly shakes it off. “We're going to the mayor's apartment and doing something about the leader.” He said with confidence. “Without him, the others should either scatter or flee.”

Meet the actual leader of the Fiana Freeblades.

Eyvel's one of the two Jagens I mentioned earlier. Sadly she's not around forever - or even for very long. But still, players brave a hellish gaiden chapter to save her. Truly, doing it for her.

Edelgard insists on tagging along to get the measure of Leif. He agrees after a little hesitation. As she goes, Edelgard notes the efficiency with which the Freeblades dispatch Lifis's crew, and notes the oddness that they don't have a healer with them. Thracia just be like that, Edie.

Standing outside the front door with a bag full of what few valuables the man had and looking furious at the situation was a very large slightly hunched back warrior with a massive axe.

Hunched-back!? Damn, Reyna, why you gotta do Bucks that way :( Going in real hard on the disabled, there. Anyways, Eyvel, Edelgard, and Leif rather easily team up for the Bucks kill, which is too bad, he's actually moved by your mercy and swears to turn over a new leaf if you capture him and then release him in game. Thracia is just like that: most of the bandits are treated as at least pitiable, if nothing else. Edelgard is a bit unnerved by Eyvel having a Flame Sword. Evidently one of the Agarthans had one in Queen of Liberation and it brings up old traumas.

Yes, Reyna, we remember what you the Agarthans did to her. Edelgard says they should behead Bucks and present his head to the pirates to break their spirits, and Leif, in his first moment of being squarely in character, asks if that's really necessary, only for Eyvel to agree with Edelgard. Then Leif goes right back out of character by nearly doing the deed himself before Edelgard points out an axe would work better. Baby steps, folks.

Anyways, as they catch up with the others, Edelgard notes that Ronan is out of arrows but unharmed - for which she is grateful - and Tanya (Dagdar's daughter) points out Edelgard's injured arm.

“It's a scratch,” Edelgard reassured him. Ronan stared blandly at the blood staining her sleeve and gave her an incredulous look. “A scratch that'll cost you your arm if you keep lettin' it bleed like that,” The girl observed, before holding out two vulneraries to her. “Here, these'll fix that up fully.” “My thanks,” Edelgard said, holding in her relief. She quickly takes the two vials and downs them one at a time, sighing when the wound in her arm healed up.

How do Vulneraries even work, I wonder. But yeah, about time it was pointed out Edelgard might legit lose her am if she doesn't take it more seriously. I'm still waiting for infection to be mentioned, but oh well.

As [Edelgard] went, she looked for Leif in the crowd; he was speaking to one of the older axe men and Eyvel, gesturing toward the church. He wore authority like a heavy coat, as someone unused to it and mostly acting on instinct.

You have not conveyed that well at all, Reyna. You're just informing us that he's struggling when everything we've seen so far indicates he's handling things pretty well.

Strong instinct, it seemed, but still... They must be desperate if they're having him take command now, rather than wait until he's an adult to press his claim.

It's worth pointing out that Leif's only gone forth for a rescue mission - the Imperial governor over Munster has his adopted... sister-girlfriend and Eyvel's adopted daughter captive thanks to Lifis telling the Empire where Leif was hidden. Leif is fifteen right now., which even for this series is a bit on the younger side.

What are you thinking? Planning to bolt yourself onto another righteous cause?

Well, unlike upholding the Church of Seiros, kicking the Empire (and the Loptr Church) out of Thracia is legitimately a righteous cause.

A failed conqueror

She wasn't that.

and queen of delusion;

Subtle and classy as a brick to the face, Reyna. Edelgard is an emperor, not an empress and certainly not a queen, and she was not deluded, as the game itself is all too happy to convey. I can tell that Reyna must hate Edelgard's "king of delusion" line to Dimitri to hijack her characterization and make her think of herself in this way, because oh wow did she have to stretch to make it fit.

oh yes, that's exactly what that boy needs.

I mean hell, she's the best unit in Three Houses, imagine how incredible she'd be in Thracia! Her bleak thoughts aside, Edelgard decides to help Leif see this through.

Now for a brief line from the author's notes:

It'll be fun to have Edelgard bouncing off them, because they're rather different from what she's used to.

"Edelgard isn't used to talking to non-nobles."

Her dark thoughts will be a throughline for a while now;

Please, spare us soon.

I promise, it's leading to a point in her character development.

"I was wrong, I was a foolish little girl, Rhea was good, Dimitri was wise, and Claude was amazing," isn't character development, but we'll see.

There's only one interesting thing from the comments section this time:

Edelgard does have a good head for war, it's true, and Leif sorely needs that given some of the goofs he makes in Thracia proper. I hope to take you on a wild ride of fun!

Like, Reyna knows how Leif is supposed to be but I have a feeling we won't really see it until the plot railroads her into doing it. We'll see.

That's all for this time! Like I said, not as much to cover since this was a battle, mostly, but we got some interesting stuff once Leif busted onto the scene.

[doyouknowwhoyouare13]

Nyx reads Six of Crows (pt.1)

I didn't want to annoy anyone with too much spamming so this is just my general thoughts while reading! (PLEASE DON'T FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE TO READ THIS HALF OF IT IS GOING TO BE ME BEING DUMB AS HELL SO)

(updating every day, so you guys can keep up with my thoughts in real-time without TOO much spam :))

LIKE I SAID THERE'S NO PRESSURE TO READ IT AND HONESTLY IF IT GETS ANNOYING JUST BLOCK THE TAG #★nyx reads soc! AND YOU WON'T SEE IT ANYMORE I GET IT'LL PROBABLY BE TOO MUCH CONSIDERING THERE ARE 40 SOME CHAPTERS NO HARD FEELINGS 😭

part 2

SPOILERS BELOW!!!!

Started reading: 1/18/23

Finished reading: 2/4/23

Alright, since I didn't start this at the beginning of the book, I'm gonna summarize my thoughts from Chapters 1-4 in a few sentences:

AWWW JOOST AND ANYA SO CUTE, omgggg I'm in love with Inej AND Kaz, is this new? Nope. Uh oh, the girlfriend is gonna get killed. DAMN KAZ THE THREATS 💀 Jesper is so me. NOOOO JOOST. AND ANYA??? Who the hell is that. WHO TF IS JORDIE???? SLAY INEJ!!! Aww, new ship you guys!!!

Ok, that's all hope people understand it and if you don't, too bad. JOKING LOVE YOU GUYS!!!

Starting at chapter 5 guys

Kaz is actually so smart

Oh Jordie is older-

I mean I assumed he was his brother but I thought he was younger

MEETING NINA!!!! (Ives said I'd like her)

omg. I'm in love with her. She has said one thing.

HIM BUYING STOCKS FROM THAT OLD MAN BECAUSE OF NINA💀

I can't believe they're only 17

I'm trying to be like Kaz

interested in Matthias like a lot

chapter 6 now

I wonder what Matthias did

omg another new ship

I'm still confused about the costumes

this prison feels like hell

so many gangs

WTF IS THAT THING

ROARS LIKE A LION

LOOKS LIKE A SNAKE THING

WHAT

AHH WTF I'M GONNA CRY

NOT PEKKA AGAIN

who would actually think of something like this 😦

It's sick

not sick in a cool way

sick in a WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL way

YOU'RE RIGHT NINA IT IS DISGUSTING

HOW ARE PEOPLE WATCHING THIS IN GOOD CONSCIENCE

ok maybe for the sick fucks

THEY CHOOSE TO DO IT

FUCK THE BENEFITS NO WAY I'M DOING THAT

omg they bet on it.

crying, screaming

"I'm mad at you, too" "I don't know yet. I just am." -me coded

oh Nina...this won't end well

ENEMIES TO LOVERS!!!

my two sides fighting ^^

NOT HIS HAIR

oh she down bad

Don't tell me killing wolves is against his morals- or his country's morals-

Omg. IT'S AGAINST HIS FUCKING MORALS- SOBBING SCREAMING PULLING MY HAIR OUT WTF

WHY DOES THIS HURT SO MUCH

HE'S WISHING THEM FAREWELL 😭

IT'S TRYING TO KILL HIM AND HE'S PRAYING FOR THEM

AHHHHHH-

HE'S CRYING.

HE. IS. CRYING.

😭😭😭😭

I'm hurt, you guys. Very hurt. Might cry. Probably will.

Do you guys see how sensitive I am yet?

WHAT DID YOU DO NINA???

HIS MOTHER 😭 KAZ I CANNOT RN

Kaz is a slay per usual

I love the word barbaric

such a funny word

Kaz is literally a genius

No I won't stop saying that because he is

I just rolled my eyes so much I could see my fucking brain

Am I the only one who hates when guys act tough?

"I can take it" STFU AND LET HER DO HER WORK 😡

WHY TF IS HE CALLED GOOD BOY I WANNA BE CALLED GOOD GIRL BY KAZ WTF 😡

y'all I don't know who said that cause it wasn't me.

anyways

...oh such a lovely reunion!!! how romantic!!!!!

Chapter 7 ALONG WITH Part 2!!!!

first pov from Matthias!

we left off where he was choking her and now he's dreaming of her???

trying to be like them fr JOKING JOKING

Matthias would like Taylor Swift

I mean he used one of her song titles in one of his first sentences!!!

He's so me

just realized that said hunted instead of haunted

crying actually

I thought we had something Matthias.

now with me those instances would be switched, kissing Nina sounds very pleasant actually

oh Matthias is down bad too

SLAYYYY

MATTHIAS YOU HORNY BASTARD

Sorry that's rude BUT TRUE APPARENTLY???

OMG MATTHIAS GET OVER YOURSELF AND JUST KISS HER HOLY SHIT

Me thinks this is a enemies to lovers to enemies to lovers again arc

JESPER'S HERE TOO? WOOHOO, THAT'S MY FAV FR!!!

I say that about everyone idek which one is actually my fav

"Boys like you weren't meant to get ideas, Helver," YOU TELL HIM KAZ!!!

"that Jesper character" HE IS CERTAINLY A CHARACTER INDEED BUT I LOVE HIM FOR IT

My girl killed something that no one had survived before her

Love her sm ❤

Kaz is a lot of things but at least he's honest about it 💀

LEARN HER NAME MATTHIAS 😭

I LOVE JESPER SM

my lord I think he wants to kill Nina, just a thought though

bro Nina fucked him up

GRISHA CORRUPTION??? HOLY SHIT THEY DO HATE THE GRISHA NINA WASN'T EVEN EXAGGERATING

Matthias drop the witch thing, it's getting annoying

A STORK- HE JUST CALLED JESPER A STORK 💀

THE DEMON. MY GOD HE LOVES NAME CALLING

SO SET ON THE KILLING THING MY GOD

oh he's so salty I love it

me thinks she will think about you, often (it's disgusting and I can't stop)

my lord Matthias, never getting on your bad side

does he genuinely think Kaz is a demon? like a demon demon?

New character y'all

OMG ANOTHER REMINDER THEY'RE ALL HELLA YOUNG

THEY SEEM SO MUCH OLDER

VAN ECK???

Chapter 8 IN JESPER'S POV!!!

I love Jesper he's so me

WTF HIS CHAPTER IS SO SHORT (I say as I've been complaining to myself about how long the chapters are)

Jealous? I know what you are Jesper.

It's ok me too

JOKING JOKING

or am I?

Y'ALL LEAVE THIS POOR KID ALONE

THEY'RE ALL GOING IN ON HIM

don't have a repeat of Joost. Istfg I will sob. don't try me.

hey, hey. flute is cool too. (ok not as cool as piano but don't tell him I said that)

JESPER 😭

Wylan give me all your belongings rn.

Ofc Kaz is unfazed, it's Kaz tf do you expect?

JESPER I LOVE YOU SO SO MUCH

Nina provoking him won't do any good 😭

God the dynamic between Jesper and Wylan

I want what they have

"You're all horrible" YOU WOKE UP AND IMMEDIATELY STARTED TRYING TO STRANGLE SOMEONE YOU HAVE NO RIGHT. 💀

KAZ IS SO. SMART.

OMGGGG WYLAN 😭

"No" "it looks like a target" NOW THAT'S A SLAY

Chapter 9 ANOTHER SHORT ONE!!!

HA KAZ PAIRED JESPER WITH HIM

I feel a new ship brewing

Kaz ships Jesper and Wylan confirmed

KAZ IS SO FUNNY

Can you guys tell I like Kaz yet?

MATTHIAS IS ADORABLE

He'd probably try to kill me if I said that to him

But I only speak the truth!!!

I take that back

how stupid do you have to be to attack Kaz?

Kaz being the best per usual

Chapter 10, INEJ!!!

MY GIRL HAS RETURNED!!!

Can't believe I've already read like 5 chapters today

But some of these have been short, this chapter is too

And it has still taken me like 4 hours I think, I'm a really slow reader 😭

anyways

Inej and Kaz's dynamic never fails to make me laugh 💀

oh...guys now why would you say that

oh no the silent treatment 💀

KAZ WHY WOULD YOU SAY THATTTT

Inej's parents were the blueprint

THE FLOWERSSSSS

omg that place sounds horrible.

AHHH NO INEJ

oml my heart is racing

LYNX IS NOT HER NAME 😡

omg she names her knives I love her

I want to know more about her Saints

her knives mean as much to her as Jesper's guns mean to him

WTF DO YOU MEAN IT EXPLODED

NO. NO WAY.

Chapter 11, JESPER AGAIN ❤❤❤

y'all gonna explain the explosion???

WHO ARE YOU SHOOTING AT JESPER

OMG.

"Not a kid" me too Wylan but I also call everyone kid so 🤷

omg Kaz you're a lifesaver, literally

ok it's official, yeah there's def 3 ships here

I know what you guys are.

Matt DIDN'T use his first opportunity to kill Nina? DEVELOPMENT!!!

I am calling him Matt from now on

IT'S TOO FUNNY

AHHH JESPER-

IS HE INSANE?

BETTER THAN WINNING AT GAMBLING?

I'LL TAKE THE CARDS PLEASE WHAT-

"you can't kiss me from down there" SO YOU WANT HIM TO KISS YOU?????? CAUGHT YOU BITCH/j

OH YEAH WYLAN!!! PROVE THOSE BITCHES WRONG!!! YOU ARE USEFUL!!! SLAYYYY

Lawd this chapter brought my heart rate up

Chapter 12, MY BELOVED AGAIN!!!

WHY ARE THESE CHAPTERS SO SHORT

the ones in the beginning were so long

wtf happened

Who cares PARTAY

I hate long chapters

aw not the fucking black tips again

MULTIPLE GANGS?

WITH HIS BARE HANDS 😦

AHHH SO MUCH STRESS- INEJ ISTFG

OMG INEJ SLAY I LOVE THAT FOR YOU I CANNOT

INEJJJ

Omg you worried me.

Kaz to the rescue again

omg.

crying.

she's not gonna die but lord-

ISTFG.

AHHHHHHHHH

this book has a habit of ending the chapters on very worrying notes.

anyways.

Chapter 13, Kaz

scared fr ngl

another short chapter as well

omg he loves her so much

but I love her more so he can fuck off.

JOKING LOVE YA KAZ

trying to steal my girl though 🙄

HIS WRAITH

SOBBING, SCREAMING, PASSING OUT, RIPPING MY HAIR OUT.

STOMPED 💀 HE'S SUCH A CHILD I LOVE HIM

Awww they're so cute together... (Wylan and Jesper)

oh...now Kaz....his eye socket?

OH HIS EYE.

KAZ.

OH HE JUST- THREW IT OVERBOARD- NO CARE IN THE WORLD-

OH AND THE HANDKERCHIEF.

OK I LIKE IT PICASSO.

KAZ. ISTG. I CANNOT.

FUCKING ROLLINS? I SWEAR THIS MF JUST NEEDS TO GET THE FUCK OUT OMG-

well bye ig

Don't mess with Inej guys you get your eye taken out and get thrown overboard

deserved

KAZ IS SCARY THOUGH HOLY SHIT

AND THE MY WRAITH THING AGAIN

I CAN'T.

JESPERRRR

I need to know what tf happened with Jordie.

Chapter 14!!! Nina is backkkk

This one is VERY long and by long I mean 15 pages so honestly I'm being dramatic.

Honestly the gang tattoo sounds like it'd look really good

YES NINA SEES IT TOO

Inej and Nina together>>>>

Best friends I say

I wonder if people ship them

I mean I guess I can see it idk yet though

Jesper and Inej 🤝 finding comfort in deathly weapons

Oh Jesper please don't start crying cause I will too

they're all so smart

how tf she know all those languages

y'all I don't think I like Zoya all that much

ONCE AGAIN SHE'S SO SMART

MATTTTT

omg she said he looks like a painting

crying, screaming

oh Nina..

um...everyone makes mistakes! you'll be ok!

ew. um. I would rather die, actually.

Me thinks Jarl Brum is a little bitch

I wish I understood all the words they're saying

NO. FUCKING. WAY. I'M GONNA LOSE MY MIND IF THEY DO WHAT I THINK THEY'RE IMPLYING.

oh some boy to the rescue

oh nvm.

NINA YESSSS SLAY

WHAT DID SHE JUST SAYYYY UGHHHHH

omg she's going to kill him!!!

I support women's rights but I also support their wrongs

joking I know she won't kill him

ooh she called out the name calling too

glad I'm not the only one

OMG NINA YOU DID WHAT

YOU'RE RIGHT HE DOES HAVE A RIGHT TO DISLIKE YOU 😦

I don't though, still love you SUPPORT WOMEN'S WRONGS!!! (/j)

OMG THIS HURTS.

I'M GONNA CRY-

Last chapter of this part, Chapter 15, Matty boy's perspective

Back to the short chapters

oh...violent per usual

WYLAN BITING THE DISK 💀

oooh Brum died? YIPEE!!!

omg Kaz 😭

HE'S SO IN LOVE

Kaz scary sometimes

AWWW HE'S WARMING UP TO WYLAN

"my ghost won't associate with your ghost)" MATTYYY 💀

CHAPTER 16, along with part 3, AND AN INEJ POV!!!

oh she's crying-

BEST FRIENDS!!!!!

3 DAYS?????

HELPPP THIS FRIENDSHIP IS EVERYTHING

I feel like Kaz has a death wish

OMG I NEED THEM TOGETHER. SHE CARES SO MUCH FOR HIM.

I LOVE INEJ AND NINAAAAA

not her bullying her singing 💀

THEY LITERALLY KIDNAPPED HER

THESE POOR CHILDREN

Chapter 17, AND JESPERRRRRRRR

I'd probably jump too, seems boring

HELP BOTHER WYLAN

they love each other

ok Wylan, come on now

JESPER IS JUST LIKE ME BRO

oh the lovers are quarreling

HELP "You're not dead!" JESPER 💀

Y'all...it's a good thing I'm a multi-shipper.../hj

"YOU'RE NOT INVITED" 💀

am I though?? I love waffles

Jesper is a people watcher

LIKE I SAID JUST LIKE ME FR

"Would it kill him to smile every once in a while" "very possibly" YALL 😭

Inej and Jesper friendship supremacy

omg Jesper loves Kaz

me too

AND HE ASKS ABOUT WYLAN

THEY'RE IN LOVE

WHAT

WITH HIS TUTOR???

SLAY WYLAN

SHE READ THE LETTERS I CAN'T

HE DOESN'T LIKE THE OCEAN EITHER????

JESPER WE'RE JUST SO CONNECTED

I told you Jesper has a crush on Kaz. "feeling his cheeks heat" I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE

idek if I'm joking at this point not

THEY'RE THE BEST CHARACTERS OUT OF THE WHOLE BOOK

I LOVE THEM YOU GUYS I LOVE THEM

alright day 2 (or 3, can't remember) of you guys putting up with my total BULLSHIT

Chapter 18, KAZZZZ

my husband fr

and Inej's

TRYING TO FIND AN EXCUSE TO TALK TO HER 😭

Kaz always has something over someone 💀

"tell me you know that. He needed her to say it." "He needed to know she believed him." HE WANTS HER TO TRUST HIMMMM

NO.

JORDIE.

OH THAT BITCH

BRO ISTFG

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

CRYING SCREAMING PASSING OUT OMG I LOVE THEM SO MUCH I WANNA-

BE RID OF THIS DISTRACTION? KAZ BREKKER. ISTFG IF YOU LOSE HER BECAUSE OF YOUR STUPID TRAIN OF THOUGHT I'LL CRY.

KAZ BREKKER. 😡😡😡

BRO "He didn't want Inej." YOU JUST FUCKING SAID-

OH. THAT'S A HORRIBLE WAY TO DIE- POOR KAZ'S DAD-

HE GREW UP ON A FARM.

KAZ IS A FARMER BOY.

THERE IS NO FUCKING WAY.

this is gonna be sad.

oh he liked the omelets :(

OMG HES SO INNOCENT

FUCK NOT WCS

OMG I CAN'T DO THIS RN

HE BLAMES HIMSELFFFFF

I'M GONNA SOB

JORDIEEEE

NOOO YOU JINXED IT

actually about to start crying

knowing Jordie dies hurt

WHERE IS SASKIA NOW

"That seems like cheating" and he does it now :(

omg Filip not a good idea

AHHH

he didn't.

he didn't just trick some helpless CHILDREN right?

OMFG HE DID.

OH THE RIBBON

OH THE METAPHOR

OMG OUCH HOLY SHIT

Chapter 19, Matty boy is back

Feel like it hasn't been his pov in forever

It's only been 4 chapters.

Embarrassing on my part 💀

anyways this chapter is so long

20 pages this time

still not that long but longer than the last time I complained about it

anyways

I love Nina

HE CAN SMILE???

He's such a child

it's so funny

Finally they're having contact without them trying to kill each other

OMG HE'S SO IN LOVE

AHHHH in a good way this time

uh oh running out of romance tabs

you ruined it Matty boy

I love that they say that

"Strange people" PLEASE

So real Jesper

Kaz has his priorities straight

money>>>>everyhing/hj

HE LEFT HIS CANE????

omg they just keep going 😭

sometimes I forget they're technically speaking another language

do none of them have mothers

If Matty betrays them istg

Don't pull a Peter Matty boy

Ah fuck I'm out of post-its for my in-book annotations

ugh I should've been better prepared 😭

omg I'm ALSO always in charge of making sure people don't start fighting

ONCE AGAIN, KAZ IS A FUCKING GENIUS.

omg Matty, I love you, but you're getting on my fucking nerves

KAZ PAIRING WYLAN AND JESPER TOGETHER AGAIN

PLEASE TELL ME I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO SHIPS HIM

THERE'S NO WAY I'M THE ONLY ONE

AT LEAST YOU FOUND SOMETHING TO AGREE ON 💀

Matty, they ARE crows

HIM IMITATING THE BELLS

Because you're in love Matty boy, that's why

HOW LONG WAS NINA PULLING HIS HEAVY ASS BODY WITH HER? AND USING POWERS?? DAMN

awww they're so cute

if we look past the fact they are very close to death

um...

HE TURNED AROUND FOR HER

Nah I don't think it's intentional I think you just have a dirty mind Matty boy

"Then you're as stupid as you look" SLAY NINA!!!!

OMG MATT GET OVER YOURSELF AND TAKE OFF YOUR CLOTHES.

IT'S NOT NATURAL FOR SOMEONE TO BE AS STUPID AS HE IS TALL 💀💀💀

A BURLY SQUID????? NINAAA

AHHHH

"He lied. He did like the way she talked."

MATTY

oh god

GO OFF NINA!!!!

HOW IS ONE OF THEM ALIVE?

oh poor Nina

YES NINA STAND YOUR GROUND

Matthias. Yes I just said your real name. That is such a fucked up thing to say.

SLAY NINA

Chapter 20, NINAAA

the ending of the last chapter made me really angry at Matty boy so

also I'm officially halfway through the book!!!

oh Nina loves him so much :/

so down bad

I LOVE THEM

well I get why he hates Grisha if his family was killed by them

WE DON'T EAT BABIES 💀

Matt you do not have fun you seem like the most boring person ever

I DIDN'T KNOW YOU COULD LAUGH I'M CRYING

Nina is so relatable

"Do you ever doubt yourself?"

"All the time." "I just don't show it."

OMG NINA JUST CALLED HIM OUT

fuck out of romance tabs

so cute though

OMG THEY NAME SHARED

AHHHHH

oh he angry

honestly has the right to

Nina now wtf come on

INEJ TO THE RESCUE!!!!

I might actually cry I found more tabs and I don't wanna go back

At least I have them for the future?

I DIDN'T EVEN THINK OF CHECKING MY BAG OMFG

IT'S A NEW FUCKING PACK TOO I'M GONNA START SOBBING

Switching general note post-its too BECAUSE THERE WAS A WHOLE FUCKING THING OF THOSE TOO

MY GOD 😭

how do you view Grisha as less than you WHEN THEY ARE LITERALLY BETTER THAN YOU IN SO MANY WAYS

ARE YOU CONTROLLING THE ELEMENTS? I DIDN'T THINK SO

CAN YOU KILL SOMEONE WITHOUT TOUCHING THEM? NOPE.

STAY IN YOUR FUCKING LANE

oh that's fucked up Kaz

ok well Nina is justified in all that

HE DOESN'T WANT IT???

WOOHOO

YIPPEE

HOPEFULLY THEY WON'T TRY TO KILL EACH OTHER NOW

Summing up what I read in school! (so ten pages)

That food was probably disgusting, CANNONS? "WHO KNEW I HAD A TASTE FOR LITERATURE" JESPER 💀. Good plan, but also so incredibly stupid wtf. NINA. Inej's discussion with Matty is so true.

alright continuing chapter 21, INEJ!!!

my wife fr

Bro Jesper is just so me

Bro, I'd give this man the most amazing, mind-blowing, leg-shaking, eye-rolling, breath-taking, sheet-grabbing, sloppiest head he's ever gotten in his entire life

Who said that cause it wasn't me

Def not

anyways

OH NO HE FLINCHED

oh shit they're pressed together

his touch thing

oh fuck

don't cry, don't cry, don't cry

Matty boy scary

"IT LOOKS LIKE LEAVING THEM IN A DITCH" 💀

Nina and Matty boy are so cute 😍

IDEAL FOR FAKING SUICIDES????

This book gives me stress

OMG KAZ I'M GONNA CRY

FAINTED??? SOBBING SCREAMING RIPPING MY HAIR OUT

Chapter 22, KAZZLE DAZZLE

SCARED FR

oh their story is so sad :/

NOOOOOO JORDIE

OH MY GOD.

HE'S SO YOUNG

THIS ISN'T FAIR

I'M ACTUALLY CRYING

HE HAD TO USE HIS BODY

OH HONEY YOU'RE NO MONSTER DON'T SAY THAT

OMG HIM AND INEJ I'M GONNA SOB

OH NO HE'S PANICKING CAUSE INEJ ISN'T THERE

TANKS?

Kaz slays with the quotes per usual

JESPER 💀

OH LORD KAZ I'M GONNA CRY AGAIN

THIS IS NOT THE TIME FOR JOKES JESPER

oh Kaz :/ I FEEL SO BAD

"Kaz knew the word for cripple in plenty of languages" KAZZZZZZ 😭

SLAY KAZ YOU DO THAT!!!

Chapter 23, JESPER!!!!!

He just like me but my father doesn't understand so 🤷🏻‍♀

THE LEG WAS ASKING FOR IT????? WHAT????

I WANT MORE WYLAN 😡

Love Jesper and Wylan so much

SINCE WHEN IS HE A FABRIKATOR

I LOVE THEM

THEY'RE BOTH FARM BOYS

Y'ALL THAT'S TOO FUNNY TO ME

THE FLIRTINGGGG

Chapter 24, NINA!!!

my other wife

so pretty much all of the Fjerdan are hella tall? scary

THOSE CELLS ARE HORRIBLE

poor Nina

UH OH UH OH UH OH

NOT AN ALARM OMG

Chapter 25, Inej!!!

even his gloves are genius

AH ISTG IF SHE FALLS

THE SHOES???

omg Kaz and Inej 😍

I hate this place.

EW HELEEN IS DISGUSTING

Flexing like a goddamn acrobat

"Better terrible truths than kind lies"

so real for that one

please Inej, keep going 😭

THANK YOU RAIN OMG

THE STRESS

YES INEJ, YES IT IS!!!

Chapter 26, my husband

the only thing keeping him alive rn is revenge

KAZ YOU BIT HIM??? 😭

Genius at 9

A ROCK??? BRO KAZ WAS AS RUTHLESS AT 9 AS HE IS NOW

Rietveld

Kaz Rietveld

Idk doesn't have the same ring to it but that might just be because I'm used to Brekker

Kaz should teach me cards imagine how much money I'd get

OMG HE'S HERE?

KAZ

ok y'all I'm gonna start struggling I've used too many images so I have like 3 more chapters I can go between and then I'm gonna have to start a new post

I'm gonna cry

anyways

chapter 27 JESPER!!!

OH I FORGOT ABOUT THE ALARM

ok they're all good

for now

HELP JESPER IS TOO FUNNY THIS IS A SERIOUS SITUATION

NOT THE MENAGERIE 😡

chapter 28, INEJ!!!!

my wife fr

DEMON AGAIN 💀

bro how are they all geniuses

so we have a new plan!!!!!

WDYM MISS THAT LOOK YOU'LL BE SEEING IT FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE

RIGHT? RIGHT??????

I like shiny things

omg I hate this

DON'T SAY THAT

omg Matty said it

JESPER 💀

Omg she's gonna leave.

OMG HE TOUCHED HER.

AHHHH

HE DIDN'T PULL AWAYYYY

omg she'd be such a good captain

they all have horrific backgrounds

I love Nina sm

HELP

"all I can see is your ass" 💀

THEY CALLED HIM A TULIP

BRO THAT'S BETTER THAN THE STORK THING

I CAN'T RN

DON'T FLIRT WITH HIM FLIRT WITH ME

OMG INEJ ISTG IF SOMETHING HAPPENS TO YOU

this is the last chapter I'm doing on this post

BUT CHAPTER 29!! MATTY BOY

I love Jesper

Bro loves her so much

we just moving past that??

HE DIDN'T SHOOT!!! WOOHOO!!!

[justafrogandherumbrella]

Welcome to Nowhere: A New Plan

Once you finish writing, you look up to find that almost everyone else has already finished, aside from Emerson, who is still writing things down. You suppose that must be because they have much more to remember. 

“Alright everyone,” Adeeryn says, pulling herself up to sit on the counter. “Let’s all sit down and have ourselves a discussion, shall we?”

Unfortunately, there aren’t many places to sit, so most end up sitting on the gas station floor. You opt to just keep standing- you don’t know what else has touched that floor. 

Seeing that everyone else is sitting down, Jenny too, sits on the floor. She tries to pull Bianca down next to her, but Bianca shakes off her hand, and walks over to sit by Emerson instead. Jenny looks noticeably offended by this, but says nothing. 

“So,” Bianca says, causing Emerson to look up from their notebook. “Let me get this straight, my friends and I,” she gestures to everyone in the room. “-Originally had a plan to put off graduating as long as possible, so we wouldn’t be forced to be constantly working at my dad’s office?”

“Well, I- I mean, yes,” Emerson says, clearly feeling nervous due to the sudden eye contact. “I believe so.”

“And it was just us, as in those of us in this room, who were involved in this plan?”

This time, he shakes his head. “I think you have more friends who did that, but weren’t participating in any active acts against Mr. Rotary. I just grabbed the people who were involved in our last plan.”

“Okay,” Bianca says, nodding her head and playing a slight static. “Could you summarize what’s happened to you since coming here- Dispassion, I mean.”

“R-right, sure,” Emerson says, leaning their antennae backwards, away from Bianca’s face. “S-so, when we first got here, we came because our friend Gia is a monster-hunter, and her dog Bea led us here. When inquiring about the monster that we knew was here, your other dad, Mayor… Miller, I think? Anyways,” they say, shaking their head. “He led us to Dispassion Offices to talk to Mr. Rotary, who made Rue and Gia sign a contract in order for us to stay here. The contract stated that they will be given jobs to do here, and that when the ‘workday’ ends, he would help us hunt for monsters. Unfortunately, he only ‘helped’ once, because ‘the workday never ends,’ and…”

“And?” Bianca asks, looking at him intently.

“And uhm-” they falter. “C-could you stop staring please?” he asks. “Sorry, I’m not trying to be rude or anything, it’s just that you’re- uhm- distracting me a little bit.”

“Oh! Right, my bad,” Bianca says, looking at the floor instead. “Sorry, I’ve been told I have a problem with,” she stops, glaring at Lucas. “I’ve been told I have a problem with ‘random, unnecessary eye-contact.’ Which, personally, I think is a bit of an overstatement, but whatever.”

Aderyn sighs. “I’ll finish the summary of events, if you don’t mind.”

“Wait, wait, wait, wait,” Ollie says, putting both their hands up in the air. “Are we supposed to actually believe any of this? I mean, no offense to you guys or anything, but this is a whole lot to throw on us, and it seems awfully…”

“Unrealistic,” Ava finishes. 

“Be patient,” Aderyn scolds. “Let me finish our story, and then I’ll provide you with some proof. Anyway,” she says, rolling her eye. “So yeah, we got duped, which I personally think we should have expected. Eventually, there was this thing where Rue, Emerson, and I met you in your school's disgusting nurse’s office, and we ended up going to your mansion in an attempt to go through your dad’s shit. Rue and Emerson got caught, and pretended they were there for a sleepover. By the way, why were you even home if the workday doesn’t end?” Adeyn asks, looking at Bianca suspiciously. 

“Oh, my family gets… benefits,” she answers, sounding a little embarrassed. 

“Right okay, so we ended up pretending you guys were having a sleepover or whatever, and you, Emerson, and Gia distracted Mr. Rotary, while Rue, Jenny, and I went snooping.”

“Wait,” Lucas asks. “Just you, Jenny, and Rue? Were  any of the rest of us there?”

“No. Anyway, we found Jerrell, broke into Mr. Rotary’s office- because Rue somehow spoke to the lock, by the way-  there was this mirror that made Rue freak out, bla, bla, bla… and then the first reset- since our arrival- happened. When no one else other than Emerson and I remembered what happened,” she explains. “I kind of flipped out and dragged Emerson out into the desert. At that point I think Bianca, Jenny, and Gia all went back to the office. However,” she says, staring at you intensely. “Rue didn’t. Here’s where my gap in knowledge comes in. From what Jerrell told me, he encountered you by the office again- oh, and that’s how Felicity came into all this as well. Felicity has some kind of weird deal thing going on with Jerrell, that I don’t think even she remembers why. Would I be right to assume that?” she asks, nodding towards Felicity.

She looks down, embarrassed. “Yes,” she says quietly.

Aderyn nods. “So yeah, you guys encountered each other there, and then went back to work for some reason. Now, a huge gap in my knowledge as I have no idea since no one who wasn’t reset was there. What I know is that Emerson and I were wandering the desert for a good while until I was suddenly trapped in an elevator, chained up with these evil, bite-y daisy chains, and left in a dark, dry room to rot. Emerson tells me everyone here split into two groups to find me. They also tell me that not much happened with their group. That being said,” she explains. “Ava, Jenny, Felicity, and Rue freed me, Jerrell briefly tried to stop them, but failed. Then we all got separated in the creepy, awful elevator maze while I was dying, somehow we all found eachother again, and then the moment we left you guys were all reset, and wandered off into the desert to go to work. I’ve been hiding out to keep myself safe, and after a good long while of you all being mindless zombies, we find ourselves here,” she finishes, taking a moment to catch her breath. 

Ding.

“Oh,” she says, gesturing toward the elevator rising out of the ground just outside the building. “Look who’s finally arrived.”

Lo and behold, Jerrell walks out of the elevator, and everyone turns to stare at him as he walks toward the building. The silence and staring is quite awkward, especially with Jerrell staring back as he walks toward the door. There’s something a little different about him than usual- though you’re not sure how you would know that. It’s something about his face- his expression, you think. He looks… distraught. 

“What are you all staring at?” he snaps as he shoves the door open, stepping over Caitlyn. 

“Soo,” she says, scooting out of the way of the door. “This is Jerrell?”

“Yes,” Felicity says, standing up. “Hi, Jerrell.”

Jerrell doesn’t respond to her, instead opting to curse out the ceiling light as he bumps his head into it. 

“Godamn…” he mutters incoherently. “Dimensions… too… short.”

“What was that?” you ask, unaware that he was only talking to himself. 

“Nothing,” he snaps again, whirling around to face you, only to smack his head against the light once more. “Oh, goddamnit!” he shouts, flopping down to sit on his knees, just so that he won’t get hurt anymore. Even sitting down he still manages to tower over you. 

Bianca stifles a laugh. 

“Well,” Jerrell grumbles. “Have you kids formed a plan yet?”

“A plan?” Ava asks nervously while biting the nail of her thumb, her roses having gone completely white now. 

“Wait,” Lucas says before Jerrell can say anything else. “You,” he points at Aderyn. “You said that you have evidence.”

“Well, sort of,” Aderyn says. “Emerson, your satchel is behind the counter. Do you think you could show them?”

“Yup,” Emerson says hurriedly, getting up from his seat and leaving a small puddle of slime in their wake.  He goes behind the counter, retrieving their leather satchel. They hold the satchel upside down for a moment, about to dump whatever its contents were on the floor, when they stop, turning the bag right side up again.  Instead, they sit down, gesturing for everyone to draw near. Once everyone has seated in a circle around him, he looks at you.

“Rue,” they say. “Do you think you could reach inside my bag and pull out the papers? My hands are damp, and I don’t want to ruin them. Oh- and be careful please. What’s left crumbles really easily.”

“Oh, okay,” you say, doing as you’re told. As carefully as you can, you lift a small, burnt pile of papers out from the bag.

“You look at them first,” Emerson explains. “Then pass them around.”

“Apparently,” Aderyn says, jumping down from the counter. She stumbles a little, struggling to stand after the impact. “Damn,” she mutters. “And just when I thought I was finally recovering…” She sits down on the floor next to Caitlyn. “Apparently, the reason your group kept bouncing back despite being reset constantly, is because you all kept journals recording your memories. Well, all of you except Felicity,” she says, nodding towards Jerrell. “He just kept her in the loop after every single reset, for some reason. Unfortunately,” she sighs. “Mr. Rotary managed to get ahold of these journals, and he burned them. This is all that remains. So… not much information here.”

Oh… oops. 

You look through the scattered, burnt papers. Most of them are difficult to read, with only a few legible words scheduled throughout. However, there is one particular scrap of paper that catches your eye. Most of the legible words are irrelevant, but there is one word written there that seems… alarming, you suppose. 

“Traitor”

Carefully, so that no one else sees, you slip the piece of paper up your sleeve. You then pass the stack of papers to Felicity, who is seated beside you. 

“Whoah,” she says, “Ava, I think this ‘there is’ on this page is your handwriting.” 

“No,” Ava shakes her head. “That’s impossible, why would- oh,” she stops when Felicity shows her the paper. “That is my handwriting. B- but I didn’t write this!”

“Or maybe you did,” Caitlyn says wistfully. “And you just can’t remember. Here, pass it to me.”

Silently, Ava obliges. 

Slowly, the papers are passed around to everyone, and each person’s doubtful expressions change when seeing their own writing, their own past thoughts, facing them. Comparing the handwriting of the note you kept, and that of the other pages, you think the person who wrote your stolen entry must be Jenny. 

Interesting. 

Jerrell pulls out his watch. His weird, magic watch. 

“What are you…” you start to ask as he starts to twist the knobs and push the buttons on the top. Nothing happens. He puts the watch back in his pocket.  “... Doing?”

“Please,” he scoffs. “All I did was check the…” he glances around the room. “Well, I’m sure you know what I mean.”

You do. You know exactly what he means- but weirdly enough, it doesn’t make any sense to you. You don’t know why it would, but for some reason the idea of checking the time seems nonsensical to you. Perhaps it’s because of something you’ve forgotten. 

There is no time, not here. 

“Anyway,” Jerrell sighs. “I just stopped by to make sure you were all on the right track. I’d better get going now.”

“Wait what?” Aderyn says, attempting to get up, only to fall back to the floor. Jerrell, meanwhile, stands up, bumps his head against the light again, and exits the building, and walks back to the elevator outside. 

Ding.

“Well,” Adeyrn says. “So much for him helping us out. Guess we’ll have to come up with a plan on our own then.”

“Come up with a plan?” Ava repeats in a panicked voice. “Right now?”

“Well, yeah,” Ollie says. “I personally believe that forming a plan in this situation is extremely important.”

“What ‘situation?!’” She shouts incredulously. “She said she would provide us with evidence,” she says pointing at Aderyn, then pointing to the pile of papers which are now seated on the floor in the center of the circle. “But this isn’t evidence! It’s just a bunch of burnt scraps of paper with our handwriting on them! For all we know, she could have nabbed some of our school assignments and burnt them! None of this,” she says, this time gesturing at the entire room. “None of this proves anything!” She stops, catching her breath. 

“Well,” Lucas says, putting a scrap of paper he had held onto with the rest of the pile. “She’s not wrong,” he says. “I agree that our situation is suspicious, but our work shifts will start soon, and we don’t want to get caught skipping. We’ll just… keep an eye out, or something.”

“Wait,” Caitlyn says, pinching her white, rabbit fur between her paws. “We’ve kinda always known that Mr. Rotary is evil though, even if we haven’t really been thinking about it lately. I know I don’t want to work for him, so shouldn’t we start planning to stop him anyway, whether there’s such a thing as a reset or not?”

“Yeah,” Jenny says, while Ollie nods their head in agreement. “I don’t know what’s been happening to us lately- but I know that I don’t want it to continue. We can’t just sit here and do nothing.”

“Look,” Ava says in an almost pleading voice. “I agree with you on that- but we don’t know anything about the situation we’re in! We can start to formulate a plan after we gather more information. Even if what they’re saying is true, we have no idea what kinds of fail-safes Mr. Rotary has put in place, or what we’re up against. Think about it, if we really have been ‘reset’ over and over again, then that means we were failing- probably because we were acting recklessly. Given our current situation, I don’t think we need to make the same mistake again. We need to wait and observe before we can begin to plan.”

“Uhm, about that,” you say, beginning to panic a little at her dire tone. “I don’t think you guys can afford to wait.”

“What do you mean by that?” Bianca asks, sounding bone-chillingly grave. 

“Well, your goal has been to put off graduating until you can… I dunno, defeat Mr. Rotary or something, right?”

Ollie shrugs. “Apparently, we wouldn’t know any of our old plans.”

“Well,” you say. “If that still stands, there’s something you need to know.”

“Just spit it out already!” Felicity snaps, resulting in her getting elbowed by Lucas. 

“You guys are not only on track for graduation- but apparently that’s coming up soon for all of you,” you say, feeling… guilty, for some reason. 

There’s a moment of silence that seems to stretch out for an eternity before Felicity speaks up.“Well, I’d say that after that announcement, we should all be on the same page with taking action immediately. Luckily for you,” she says proudly. “I know some things- and I have an idea.”

[runawaymun]

what’s the premise for your sci-fi story? Do you remember what inspired your oc N’Sin Mabon-Sedai?

??? HELLO

a question about my original work??? Nonnie can I kiss you on the mouth??

I'm bad at summarizing things, but as best I can explain it, the sci-fi series I am working on with @the-commonplace-book is set in our distant future when humans have left earth and spread out through the universe, terraforming other worlds. It's set on a space station that originally begun as a center for trade, but rapidly grew into a "planet" of its own right and then expanded out into an empire. Worldbuilding-wise, it's a hugely socially stratified world that runs off of a caste system. It's fantasy-sci-fi, so there are elements of superstition, magic, and fantasy religions. The culture itself is modeled a lot after Ancient Greece & Egypt tbh and then it just kind of Went Nuts from there. It's got about 3.5 conlangs coming together at this point, two of which with their own alphabets, and several world maps, religious systems, etc. etc.

But as far as what it's about... well, it's a multi-generational ensemble cast story that's going to span a long time, and follows a global shift in the planet's culture, the collapse of some major ruling Houses, and the rise of new ones. It's very socio-political based, basically, with some interplanetary politics involved and a war in the middle of it. There's also a lot going on between some major (and minor) religions, with old gods re-emerging as major powers and causing some big things to shift around, I guess is the best way to put it. And there's a Sinister Corporation that's lurking in the background as well. We've got a lot of enemies-to-lovers plots, arranged marriage plots, etc. etc. as well! And at a smaller level...it's about family, and learning to navigate cultural differences, grief and loss, growing up, justice & choosing to do the right thing even at danger to yourself or even when everybody...literally everybody...not even is against you but just is complacent or thinks it won't matter in the long run because that is the way things are and the way things have always been (but it's unjust and wrong and at times downright evil and it needs to change). And about hope and healing, because my work is always about that :)

Cast of characters includes a Traumatized Sad Boi(tm) Prince who is struggling between his own personal moral compass and the traditions of his House (this may sound familiar lmao...favorite character archetype of mine tbh), a woman from another planet that gets married into a major house & starts to Fuck Shit Up (both positively and negatively...she's kind of a mess but her arc is incredible and that's all down to common-place-book!) :D , a gay queen (literally she's a queen) who has to deal with her own corrupt government, a slave girl who grows up to launch a coup and try to overthrow a god, and a bunch of others (those are just some pet favs of mine).

N'Sin Mabon-sedai...in terms of what inspired him as a personality, I'm not really sure? It's always hard for me to pinpoint where any of my characters come from! If I really thought about it I could probably find a "character seed" from something I've read or something I've watched in my distant past (or not so distant idk)... whenever I think about these things I can usually pinpoint a "seed" of something from some piece of fiction that I've consumed. (Or an almagamation of things). His religious practices were directly inspired/bastardized from the oracle of Delphi, and there was just a point in the plot where we needed a Bitchy Priest(tm) and he kind of appeared on the page fully-formed, lurking in the corner. I have a soft spot for characters like him though and his arc is one of my favorites! He has a big chip on his shoulder and Stuff To Prove, and boy...does he. Lol.

Thank you so much for giving me an excuse to ramble about my work aaaa! <3 we're working on actually throwing together the very first draft of the first novel right now. It is...slow....to say the least...there are SO many moving parts!

[pipzeroes]

I've been thinking about Ignaz Semmelweis a lot lately! And thinking about COVID and despair! To try and summarize what I've been thinking:

1.) It can feel really, overwhelmingly distressing to see what's happening now and it can be easy to feel like "things never change, it's always people wanting to maintain the status quo, and those trying to fix things are attacked for it"

and

2.) Semmelweis died tragically (and ironically; of an infected hand while he was institutionalized), but the efforts and innovations of Ignaz Semmelweis have doubtlessly improved many things for many people

So, I have found it frustrating, demoralizing, seeing fewer masks in public around me, sometimes being given condescending or perplexed looks for wearing a mask, having people I thought were friends decide pretending things are fine is better than taking care, but!

I try to not burn out. This is not a sprint. It is a marathon.

Hoping that in the decades to come, people will be looking back at the early 2020s like, "Haha, no, really, people weren't… WASHING HANDS… as a way to prevent an airborne illness? Like, it was know COVID was floating through the air, but people were doing something that helps prevent disease spread by physical contact? And like, there were attacks on people for wearing PPE? Sounds fake."

And in the meantime I try to

Avoid the disease

Avoid being pathologized for AVOIDING A VIRUS THAT CAN NOT ONLY KILL BUT CAUSE LONG TERM IMPAIRMENT AND FLOATS THROUGH THE AIR IN TINY BITS OF MOISTURE SIMILAR TO THE WAY CIGARETTE SMOKE SPREADS

Avoid despair about the ridiculousness of everything

Because it's one thing to be in denial about the reality of the nature of COVID's airborne spread and its actual severity (HELLO, THE S IN SARS-CoV-2 STANDS FOR SEVERE), but acknowledging this reality won't fix things if we just despair or become resigned.

And it can be so hard! Just doing what you can to deal with the immediate situation may be all we can do with our emotional/financial/energy resources! This is not to try to guilt you if you haven't been "active enough".

But I've seen people have this kind of attitude that's like "well, humans are idiots, obviously COVID is airborne and bad, and humanity is getting what it deserves because people are bad and stupid, and since we all may die of plague anytime let's do what we want!"

I've also seen, "I can't do anything about it, there's no point in trying, it's too big."

Despair can eat away at us, but we can work on resisting it. Even if we give in some days, this does not mean another day won't come when we can push back against it.

Even if we can't make health authorities publicly acknowledge reality, even if our family and friends and others around us seem to disregard the reality of COVID's danger and how it spreads, even if we can do no more than get by day to day, we can try to push back against our own despair!

RESIST DESPAIR!

To do so is not nothing!

[the-golden-ghost]

ooh what do you know about uhh goosebumps!

Okay this one's funny cause I was a huge Goosebumps Kid so I'll try to just summarize every one I can remember from childhood LET'S GO:

Welcome to Dead House: Girl moves to town. Town's haunted. Havoc ensues. I think this was the first one ever published.

Phantom of the Auditorium: R. L. Stine deciding "what do kids love? Phantom of the Opera references?" and making a whole book dedicated to the concept. +1 for really good twist at the end

Ghost Beach: Beach with ghosts on it. I remember this one had a reaper thing on the cover but the actual ghosts were just kids who died of plague in like, 1800. I think it was also in New England! :)

Ghost Camp: Camp's haunted

Shocker on Shock Street: Kids go on a theme park tour but the theme park monsters are REAL and the kids are ROBOTS and idk man this one was wild. I liked it though

The Girl Who Cried Monster: Librarian's a monster and he eats bugs or something? Or turtles? I dunno man

Night of the Living Dummy 2: Okay this one's funny cause there was an earlier book called Night of the Living Dummy. And it's almost completely forgotten. Slappy, the evil dummy who became the FACE of the series and the most notable standout character in the entire run? He only appears in the sequel. I don't even know what the original dummy was called. They also filmed this one for the TV series but ONLY this one, not the original. So the TV episode is called Night of the Living Dummy 2 and there is no Night of the Living Dummy 1 in the TV series at all. Anyway it's about a ventriloquist dummy who tries to enslave his owner

Go Eat Worms!: I don't really remember what this is about at all I just found the title really funny. I think it's about a kid who's cursed and worms show up everywhere.

Lawn Gnomes Attack Manhattan: No but I don't remember the actual title of this one. I just remember it was about evil lawn gnomes and even as a kid I thought it was stupid but they can't all be bangers

Night in Tower Terror? Terror Tower?: I think I only saw the TV episode of this and it freaked me out. However it's also based on the Actual Real Life Murder of two children (the nephews of Richard III, Edward V and Richard of York) which makes it possibly the bleakest inspiration for a Goosebumps book albeit Stine really fictionalized it and also it happened in the 1400s

Calling All Creeps: Some kid puts a prank ad for creeps in his local newspaper and gets creeps to show up. I think they were like lizard aliens idk

The Beast From the East: What if the jungle was real and tried to KILL YOU

Chicken Chicken: Girl gets cursed to turn into a chicken. Slightly scarier than it sounds

How to Kill a Monster: Terrible grandparents summon a Swamp Thing and try to feed their grandkids to it

That Weird Vampire Time-Travel One: Kid finds his grandpa's vampire corpse in the basement and Vampire Grandpa wakes up and tries to eat him. And then time travels back to the 1800s for some reason cause I guess vampires are only scary in the 1800s?

Ghost School: A lot of these are just called "Ghost *regular place*" but this one was particularly fucked up cause the ghosts were actually kids who got trapped in a living photograph by an evil photographer. Which sounds dumb but they were permanently ensnared in this black and white void where time never passed for like... decades and decades as the outside world slowly moved on and forgot about them. And they never got rescued or anything. They were literally just left to their fate. One of the more messed up endings in the series

The Haunted Mask: OH MAN how did I miss this one. This was probably the Gold Standard for the TV show episodes. Freaked me out SO bad as a kid. It's about a girl who wears a mask that permanently affixes to her face and it's WILD

The Cuckoo Clock of Doom: Kid gets trapped in a Time Vortex and ends up erasing his bratty sister from the face of history etc.

The Scarecrow Walks at Midnight: Evil scarecrows. That's pretty much it but this one and Harold from Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark are probably the reason for my lifelong Scarecrow Phobia so

The One Where The Kids Turn Into Dogs And Never Get Changed Back: !!! honestly the ending made me so mad. I forget the name of it though

One Day At Horrorland: A classic! It's about an evil theme park :) Don't go down the Doom Slide!

Stay Out of The Basement: Kids' dad turns into an evil mad scientist but it turns out he's actually an evil plant clone of their dad who's just posing as their dad. Wild

That One Where The Camera Kills You: I don't remember the title but the camera predicts the future. However it causes whatever Future Event it depicts to also be like. You Will Be Maimed And Slaughtered Horribly

Jack O Lanterns... Attack... Manhattan?: I don't remember the title of this one either. It was basically What If You Got Kidnapped By Pumpkin Monsters and they Made You Celebrate Halloween For All Eternity. Would that be fucked up or what

Uhhh Bnuy: Evil Stage Magician Turns A Kid Into A Rabbit or something I forgor. I think there was a sorcerer named Greg in there somewhere? Like I remember that being a joke

Piano Lessons Can Be Murder: Kid goes to piano lessons and gets murdered. I mean not really but almost lmao. Also the freaky handless ghost woman who scared the SHIT out of me when I was 12

Help My Neighbor's A Ghost: I don't remember the name of this one either but the main character thinks the new kid who just moved in is a ghost. Turns out she (the main character) died in a fire 20 years ago and she's the actual ghost and her best friend never writes to her because she died ages ago and stuff. It's actually kind of sad; I don't recall the title but it stuck with me

How I Learned to Fly: About a kid who learns to fly which ISN'T SCARY OR A HORROR CONCEPT

The Abominable Snowman of Pasadena: Bigfoot but he lives in California now. Yeah a scientist found him and brought him back. Yeah he's got Scary Bigfoot Ice Powers too and keeps freezing people solid

Beware the Snowman: I think this was actually the first one I ever read? This one's about a cursed town under the domain of an evil snowman (not like Bigfoot I mean like an actual irl snowman. Like Frosty) but the snowman's actually an evil magician who was turned into a snowman by his rival or something. This one's also kind of wild but it's decently good!

[journalofsorts2]

i was thinking about this just now, i think my communication issues stem from my dad (my mom too but i'm focusing on my dad rn cause it's more fresh in my brain). but every time i actually like open up about something that's bothering me it goes one of three ways with him. 1. is he turns it back on me with some backhanded comment about how the problem he's creating is actually caused by a problem i'm creating for him, this one's most common when i tell him about something that he did to upset me (which i rarely do nowadays). 2. is he goes on some long winded spiel about something that has nothing to do with my problem and ultimately makes me shut up because i just want the conversation to be over with and it makes me feel like opening up was pointless. and 3. is it turns into an argument and i feel worse than i did before. but i feel like the backhanded comment one happens the most because i'll try and tell him something that he's doing that's causing me stress in some way but i'll try to mention it subtly because if i tell him 'hey i want to talk about an issue i'm having with you' then it's guaranteed to turn into a fight with him yelling at me (despite the fact that i try my hardest to keep my voice level and i've told him numerous times about his yelling and my ptsd, but hey me crying because the overwhelming stress of trying to communicate with him wears me down makes him feel like i'm manipulating him so it's totally okay for him to yell, he's not in the wrong don't worry.) but like tonight he was like 'oh are you cleaning up your cat's trash?' (it was lighthearted and she likes to tear up cardboard) and i was like 'no actually i was plugging my ears cause the sound of *sister* taking out the trash is too loud for me and then you turn up your duolingo to out-do that sound and it's a little much' and then he was like 'well actually i turn it up because you two are right here fighting (he likes to say we're fighting a lot but we really don't and we've explained that to him numerous times) and i'm trying to actually listen to my lesson' and it's like jesus christ i'm sorry i brought it up at all, like sorry i tried opening up a little about my problems. when i broke down sobbing one time to him because the noises downstairs were too much he was like 'well why don't you just ask me to wear headphones? and i'm trying to fix my allergies sorry' (he has a really bad problem with heavy breathing and allergies and it really overwhelms me sometimes but like ik he can't help it, just like i can't either) but he basically came at me with a 'why didn't you tell me sooner' attitude when actually i did tell him like a year prior and his response was yelling at me to the point where i had a panic attack and then he continued yelling at me until he realized what was happening and provided as little support as possible. but like every time i've opened up to him about an issue i have with him lately that i discussed with him before he has a completely different attitude. and maybe it's because i've been better about keeping my cool, i've been better about not crying while trying to get my point across, maybe it's because pushing down my emotions has only gotten easier over the years, and so i don't start crying when i talk to him and so he doesn't see me as my mom, he doesn't see me using tears as a weapon of manipulation, cause she does that, and it's valid for him to have a bit of trauma with that because she's an abusive person. what's not valid is for him to take that anger he has with her out on me. that's not okay and i know that. and so just like he has to walk on eggshells to talk about serious stuff with her, i have to walk on eggshells to talk about serious stuff with him. idk to summarize this rant, he has problems communicating and that's made me more capable of withholding my true feelings about something when they aren't exclusively positive. okay rant over