#cause he's the only cultured person in there

[absolxguardian]

@egregiousderp #especially since you can find writings of early modern and medival european men writing about the pros of being friends with your wife#they have no concept of romance just friendship and carnal desire#if you actually like your wife shes your best friend#so its culture!#<-absolxguardian’s prev tags#I CAN COMMENT ON THIS ACTUALLY!#because marriage wasn’t so much about sexual desire as it was about the duty of procreation and lineage for a lot of nobler houses?#it’s more tied in with the idea of status or duty!#you see that especially well in some of the chivalry movements#wanting to have sex with someone was almost completely divorced from the idea of proper marriage#seducing a guy you like so he has to ‘do the right thing’ and make your child legitimate was a thing#we have a very different view of sex and marriage post-birth control pill is my theory at least#it’s still super odd as an ace person seeing these people who don’t even LIKE their spouses as people but are so horny for them they marry

You're exactly right. My tags were just about one aspect of this different system, not differentiating between friendship and feelings of emotional affection towards your spouse/sex partner (romance). This isn't even getting into marriage, which was a thing that could be separate from both sexual attraction and friendship/romance. The idea that the birth control pill caused a major sea change is commonly accepted historiography (as well as easier to use condoms and for a period of time before HIV emerged cures for all STDs). A lot of our contemporary sex negative ideas are out-dated good advice when sex could be very dangerous (of course these ideas have forgotten their purpose. They become self justifying with their own value judgements, instead of practical advice about pregnancy being dangerous and new people causing complications).

Another thing that has occured to me since writing those tags is the idea that some contemporary historians have, deeming very close friendships between 17th and 18th century as "romantic friendships" (and thus sexless). This is done in a very no-homoing way, but considering this a way to make their relationship not queer is asexual erasure. But on the other hand, these relationships weren't considered deviant or even all that close to sodomy in their own time periods. But if their culture can be seen as not differentiating between romance and friendship, then what?

I'd put my guess for the emergence of romance as a concept in Europe as with the movement- romanticism- it takes its name from. But I don't feel like I know enough to confidently present this as a thesis, and I haven't been able to find an actual acadmic paper saying the same thing. Potentially you could say that courtly love is the first instance of romance in Europe, but you could also classify it as being about sexual tension and unconsummated sexual relationships. They did consider what they did dancing around the line, in a time when you weren't required to like your spouse. (And this is just Europe, but I know very little about this kind of intellectual history elsewhere, since I can only read stuff that has been translated into English).

I'm currently in a philosphy of sex and love class, and after four weeks I have no more insight into what romantic love is. But most of the texts we've read have been about figuring out a definition for love in general. The only guy who put forth an idea about romance specifically, has a definition that is incompatible with polyamory. But I am writing this right before doing the readings for our upcoming week that is focused on polyamory, so maybe I'll have more to say in two hours.

[guy who is aromantic voice] sexual attraction just makes more sense than romantic attraction. like ok, you want to fuck someone. this is quantifiable. it is quite easy to grasp what "i want to fuck someone" looks like, even if you have no idea what it feels like. romantic attraction, though? this is a nebulous construct which seems to largely be "glorified friendship with sex" in the popular imagination. what even is the difference between friendship and romance? the line between friendship and sexual attraction, though both can coexist, is that when there's sexual attraction present, you want to fuck someone. the line between friendship and romantic attraction, so far as i can perceive it within a heteronormative, amatonormative framework, is that it is... friendship where you want to fuck someone. what?

[gatheringbones]

[“The two of us have been swimming for a while, past the breakers. But it’s low tide, and the water is shallow and warm. We can stand with our faces above the surface. Curious about depth, I place a tentative foot on the ocean floor. When I do, my brain gets a jolting message. Something isn’t right. Something is burning. “I think I stepped on glass!” I call out with growing alarm, before turning and swimming as fast as I can. It’s not until I reach the shore that I realize I’m in so much pain that I can’t stand up.

As my wife runs to find help, I sit rocking in my black bikini, staring in confused horror at the puncture wound in the bottom of my foot. In this moment, I don’t know if I’ve been snagged by trash or bitten by something predatory. All I know is that the indescribably excruciating sensation is growing, throbbing up my leg. I breathe deep and even to keep from panicking, using a meditation technique I’ve recently learned: repeat to yourself LET on the inhale, and on the exhale think GO. I like the multiple meanings of this mantra: LET reminds me to allow and accept whatever is happening, whether emergency or insomnia, while GO instructs me to keep it moving.

The lifeguard, an absolute porno of a man with effortless abs and tight red shorts, soon appears with a calm explanation: I’ve been stung. In fact, he confirms that so many people have been stung today that his station is out of their safety kits—yellow plastic immersion bags full of hot freshwater, helpfully decorated with red and silver stingrays, in case there was any remaining confusion about the source of our pain.

While the station heats more neutralizing freshwater, I get a lesson on cartilaginous fish. When threatened by, say, being stomped on while it’s minding its own damn business, a stingray will whip its tail, releasing a venomous barb into the offending stomper. The neurotoxic venom, while agonizing, generally does not cause permanent damage to a mammal my size. The pain is, in effect, all in my head. This knowledge is transformative for me. It compartmentalizes my fear from my pain. The threat of the unknown, of being permanently harmed, is its own kind of terror. Pain—just the simple fact of physical pain, with no malice, no predation, nothing to be done except endure—has no more intrinsic moral or emotional meaning for me than any other sensation. And as a practicing sadomasochist, I’m no stranger to this kind of feeling. So on the beach, I cope by invoking Dune’s Paul Atreides with his hand in a ritual box of fire, reciting the “Litany Against Fear” (“I will not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. I will face my fear. I will let it pass through me. When the fear has gone, there shall be nothing. Only I will remain.”). The sun bakes brine into my skin. I breathe in, trying to imagine every atom relaxing (LET), and out, trying to release everything I don’t need (GO).

I stare at the waves, my foot awkwardly soaking in a stiff plastic bag of hot water. Ignoring the gawkers, I fantasize about synthesizing a neurotoxin to use for the purpose of torturing my fellow masochists, something that could make them feel this all-consuming intensity while they utterly trust that they are safe. Right now, my pain is pointless: the result of a misunderstanding between myself and the natural world. But pain, properly exchanged, can have all kinds of meanings: service, sensualization, entertainment, discipline, catharsis. I’m grateful that my experience with BDSM—first professionally, and then personally—makes this encounter more tolerable, even instructive. When you can empty something of meaning, you can usually fill it up too. Fill it with whatever you want.”]

tina horn, from why are people into that? a cultural investigation of kink, 2024

[starcurtain]

More Phaidei Fics I Want to Read

1. Obligatory "fish out of water" fic (mostly AU because the timeline would probably not match canon, but we do what we want here!), taking place after Mydei and the Kremnoans first make it to Okhema. Okhema is already harsh on outsiders, let alone on a conquering "barbarian" tribe infamous for bringing strife to so many other city states. Mydei doesn't know the local customs at all, and while he doesn't care the slightest about how these pathetic Okhemans see him, the trouble he keeps getting into is affecting the reputations of innocent Kremnoans too. He's got to find a way to blend in, at least enough to stop costing his fellows any chance of finding paid work... Too bad the only person who is willing (and has time) to help is Phainon (who isn't native to Okhema either but done a much better job of learning to get along with the locals). The guy thinks he's the Titans' gift to Amphoreus just because he beat Mydei in a duel once. It was only once! And why does it matter whether we eat standing up or lying down? What are you laughing at, Savior Complex?! Or, tl;dr: The culture clash comedy one where Phainon and Mydei teach each other entirely opposing sets of manners, and come to learn a lot more about one another in the process.

2. Also obligatory omegaverse where Mydei is an omega born with a unique constitution: he's built like an alpha, snarls like an alpha, and dominates his opponents like an alpha. He even smells like an alpha, especially when he's in heat, so the only people who ever figured out his secondary gender were his doctor and his parents, all of whom are dead now. The whole world thinks Mydei is an alpha, and his reputation as an indomitable warrior prince pretty much hinges on people continuing to believe that. The problem is, Mydei wouldn't actually mind getting to live an omega's life, at least the part about finding a mate and starting a family. Only, who in the world would want him for a mate? Any alpha hunting for an actual omega would never think to look in Mydei's direction, betas would just be confused, and even those few alphas who are attracted to other alphas would only end up disappointed after discovering Mydei isn't one. He's nobody's ideal partner, and he'd mostly made peace with that--until Phainon. Until that upstart alpha from the middle of nowhere knocked Mydei down in a brutal spar and then pulled him up with the gentlest hand, and suddenly it mattered that no one would ever want Mydei. It mattered a lot. (Of course, the long and short of it is that Mydei is the man of Phainon's dreams, and after a series of setbacks and miscommunications and lots of silly angst, they'll find their way to a happy ending.)

3. After discovering Mydei's weakness for sweets and cute things like pink pomegranate juice, Phainon decides to engage in a bit of light-hearted teasing: He starts sending Mydei exceedingly adorable gifts and fancy candies under the guise of a "secret admirer." The joke is on Phainon, however, when it turns out Mydei finds the gifts quite charming and is determined to discover the identity of the mysterious gift giver. A reasonable person would quickly give up on the joke to avoid getting caught, but Phainon has always been weak to chasing thrills--and maybe this whole thing about being Mydei's "secret admirer" isn't too far off after all... (The real joke is that Mydei, realizing immediately who the gifts were from, invented an entire "hunting my admirer down" story just for the fun of watching Phainon squirm--and, well, because keeping the whole thing going, being showered with attention by his rival, doesn't feel too bad at all.)

4. The opposite fic: The one where Mydei's completely mismatched online personality accidentally catfishes Phainon and causes some very silly drama. Mydei's (anonymous) teletweet account is full of cutesy chimera kitten memes, aesthetic pictures of food, heart emojis, and overly punctuated (with exclamation points) recaps of shopping trips in Okhema's market... Can anyone blame Phainon for thinking this is the account of a cute girl who is refreshingly earnest about her love for chubby seals and pink milk tea? But as Phainon becomes closer and closer to "Fig Stew" online, things get more and more complicated--because he's also been getting closer and closer to his real world companion Mydeimos lately. Both Fig and Mydei are wonderful, and Phainon can barely bear the thought of losing either of them in his life. Trying to get closer to them both would be way too dishonest, but choosing one over the other... What should he do? Meanwhile, Mydei is in trouble. He wasn't planning to set up some secret identity or anything; it's not his fault Phainon mistook him for a girl online! There's nothing weird about dudes posting sparkling kitten gifs, godsdammit!! But now the charade's gone on way too long to come clean, especially since Phainon seems so invested, and... well, can you blame Mydei for not wanting to give up on the closest thing to a relationship he's ever managed to start? tl;dr: Online mistaken identity hijinks fic.

5. The required-in-every-fandom time travel fic (with bonus fake dating)! Through an outpouring of Oronyx's power, Mydei and Phainon end up in the bodies of their future selves, who, it turns out, have not only managed to end Amphoreus' war and revive Castrum Kremnos, but... appear to have also... gotten married?!! Now Mydei and Phainon have to not only find out exactly how their future selves managed to save the world (so they can accomplish the same task) then look for a way back to their own time--they've got to do all of that while also pretending to be a happily wedded pair of rulers to avoid raising everyone's suspicions. This would be a whole lot easier if either of them knew the first thing about being actual kings... or about relationships. The slightest slip up could create ripple effects that change the entire timeline permanently, but--no matter how nerve-wracking it might be to admit, after seeing the future in store for them together--there's nothing Phainon (and Mydei) won't do to make sure things go exactly as they should.

[grimrevolution]

i disagree with the idea that solas was once wisdom but was twisted into pride. not only because solas has always been called solas (pride) but also the fact that pride has many different facets and he has represented all of them.

using spite as an example. spite is called a spirit of determination by those who can sense or know his nature. he has chosen the name spite because spite is, in the end, still an act of determination it is just determination fueled by anger. spirits themselves when 'twisted' beyond their nature, aren't twisted beyond what they can already do or past their state of being. they simply become a different aspect of that being.

wisdom, in inquisition, does not like being in the waking world and has no desire to walk the waking as people do. when she is summoned and bound to obey those mages, she is still 'wisdom' but her nature doesn't change from wisdom to pride. she knows how to hurt others, even when she doesn't want to, and causing that harm, having that power over others, fuels that twisted aspect of pride. essentially, she is wise, she knows how to harm but chooses not to, when forced to do so she becomes prideful of the wisdom she has that she can do these acts of violence.

so, in regard to solas. he has always been pride, but pride is not necessarily a bad thing nor is it all the same. there's pride for others, pride for oneself, pride for accomplishments and pride for one's culture. so what is solas?

he is personal pride. not self-importance (not yet) but self-respect. every time the inquisitor gets approval from him--hell, even when rook gets approval from him--it's from having self-respect and trusting themselves. to know themselves and push forward to lead. it's why he hates slavery. what goes against the pride of self-respect? when the self is ripped away.

this is why him bowing his head to mythal is incredibly important because he is humbling himself. he respects and loves her enough to bow his head.

but anyone he sees as not having that self-respect? the first example is the qunari, whose culture is made primarily of followers. the tamassarans choose their jobs, their livelihoods, who they marry (if at all), where their children go, etc. he does see them as little more than beasts because, in his eyes, the people who follow the qun have no self-respect to think for themselves.

this is especially true of the dwarves. he has NEVER seen the dwarves as actual free thinking people. this is shown in his conversations with varric, when solas tells him that the dwarves are nothing more than a twitching, amputated arm. the titans were the people to him. the dwarves were cogs in the machine. nothing more than little workers who had no sense of self and who obeyed the titans.

does solas want to be wise? yes. i very much think that he does. i even think that he considers himself to be wise. but it is always colored by his nature of being prideful enough to never bow his head.

and in order to be wise, you must humble yourself.

[iceywrites]

hc eiji taught the gang members about skin care

[inkskinned]

okay is she being actually immature or is it just a woman over 30 expressing a human experience you find to be immature.

like yeah. at certain ages... let shit go. im not defending the real immature shit. im not defending the karen you're picturing. i worked in retail i hate those people too. (once somebody got mad at me because she didn't like how our winter window decor was a snowman smoking a pipe. i wish i was joking).

but men at 57 will write books about how 17 year old girls are soooo sexy. they will invent worlds where women have to be naked for "armor reasons." they will write songs that treat women as objects. people rush to defend them. meanwhile a woman at 35 will be like "heartbreak is hard, actually" or "i feel betrayed by a friend" or "i am struggling with something emotionally." immediately people will say stuff like this woman is 35 by the way. by the way this woman is SO OLD to be experiencing this. BY THE WAY.

im 31, almost 32. the other day a poet was blasted online because at her "big age", she had written a poem about feeling unloved. top comment was "this woman is 29 by the way." this woman is too old to still be useful, by the way. she has to behave better . maybe if she was a good wife and mother she could stop existing loudly, and the story could continue on without her. this woman has served her purpose, by the way. she's so cringe, by the way. at 29 - so old! - she still hasn't figured out that her existence should be one of shame.

[dykedvonte]

Something something perhaps the reason Curly lacks a truly undamaged ID where his face is visible is to represent how much damage Jimmy had already affected on him throughout their relationship and the way Curly obscured part of who he is and what he stood to unintentionally cater to this toxic influence in his life.

[samaspic31]

Never have i felt rage worse than when i learned carrie fisher was sent to a fat farm, on the demand of fox studio executivess who put it as condition to have her cast cause they insisted on someone thinner (hi casting practices are deeply evil in fatphobic transphobic and racist ways- and that has only mildly improved since the fucking 70s) prior to filming a new hope, to lose 10 pounds, which was far from an exceptional practice in the film industry at the time. And lucas told it in the film bonuses with no shame or apology, they even interviewed carrie about it as if that was some fun anecdote-fuck lucasfilm all the way off for that. And to this day dieting for roles in blockbusters still is the norm (remember that anecdote of her telling john boyega to go break his diet and eat an energy bar from her fridge on the set of the sequels 30 years later ? we progress so fucking slowly)

In general Hollywood obsession/morbid fascination with actors modifying their weight to unhealthy degrees for roles sucks and so does the way journalism and the audience feed the mythos and reward those movies with press and promo about it (still haunted by that star trek press tour where benebitch cabbagepatch was asked continously about dieting for a scene not even in the movie, meanwhile the female actress who had a gratuitous scene in underwear it was just a normal thing, hello gender inequality). anyways as soon as i hear an actor had to diet i lose interest in ever paying for the media. no movie or series is worth the human suffering and its prevalence is yet another symptom of the dishonesty of art under capitalism

[lconoclasts]

Can't add the exact timestamp (it's at the end) but they just??? Jump off screen???? Do they not die???

My general consensus with this fight is that it's just extra content and... in-between canonicity. They don't show up in the credits (in a scene) regardless if you kill them or not, and the pupils are alive(?) or possibly some other ones are alive as they could just look similar/be reused sprites

long speculation under the cut

Fitzroy is lore for sure which contradicts some of the implications about trancending that we get but like. Royal is kind of a dumbass AND is being told all of this from mother/one concern. There's multiple implications of the "ancestors" (both isi and Him followers) coming from somewhere else/resetting the planet and leaving instructions/tech for their respective people to use. Fitzroy seems to fit in the between stage before the concern has studied the tech, but AFTER the Ancestors arrived/reset the planet. In The Tower and the Bastion there are images of famous earth landmarks (taj mahal, new York, pyramids I think) implying that some sort of Earth was destroyed/minerals drained (more connections to the themes about environmentalism) and that humanity was "reset". RIGHT BUT CANONICITY. Fitzroy is more lore... If u want him to be. The true past of humanity is still foggy ESPECIALLY with conflicting views from Him followers and the Isi. The concern claims to have longer records of history, and has aforementioned images, but they shape it to their beliefs and leave out certain parts intentionally as well as only educate people deemed more faithful (concern staff) and censor/mysticize parts for the common folk and ESPECIALLY city one residents. Cough cough 'merica haha but not really I doubt he was thinking about Americans specifically. This is more likely a commentary on religion specifically they larger ones and how they shape societies views and history! (Remember when we used B.C?) I'm not going to say this is an effective commentary or a scathing remark on Christianity (I believe that Christianity is used as a reference as it's the poster child to westerners for what "religion" is. He probably intended for this to be about religion as a whole but like. Come on. It's definitely Christianity with a few changes to make it a "generic religion" especially with the focus on punishment and ascension to a "good place". They also use sin/sinners a few times but that may be for familiarity especially since he had a whole npc for explaining terminology) that aside. Canonicity. Again. The history behind the Starworm followers vs the Isi is intentionally left a mystery! Fitzroy and Leticia are real as fuck (if u think they're canon) and provide some ideas for what actually happened in history but who knows! I should get back to my conversation I got distracted haha.

[apollo-zero-one]

Man I can't believe I had the chance to go to a performing arts school up through middle school and I fuckin quit after 6 months just because I got bullied. BRO YOUR HOMEWORK WAS POETRY!! YOU HAD TO PRACTICE DANCING TO COTTON EYE JOE AS YOUR BIG UNIT TEST. GYM CLASS HAD A CIRCUS UNIT!! YOU HAD A WHOLE DAILY CLASS ON IMPROV!!! YOU FOOL!! YOU ABSOLUTE IMBICILE!! YOU COULD HAVE BEEN A YOUTUBER!!! YOU COULD HAVE BEEN ONE OF THOSE TWEENAGERS GETTING LOADED BY MAKING SHITTY YOUTUBE SHORTS IN 2008-14!! But noooOoooOOOoo little miss Noellie (who WANTED TO GO!! who worked SO HARD and sent in an application essay and did an INTERVIEW to get in!!) couldn't handle disruptive classmates or little scuffles and petty grudges and general Attitude of the other students and cried to mommy to put her back in public school. I am EATING MY HAIR over what Could Have Been. I COULD BE SOMEONE'S ANNOYING YOUTUBER!! I could be a DISGRACED DISNEY CHANNEL STAR!! I could be an America's Got Talent winner! A mild to moderately successful comedian! I could be making short films!! But no no no precious thin skinned baby me heard a few new cus words and watched a teacher get heckled and begged to give up The Dream in favor of?? Quiet math tests?? I am such a fucking quitter I quit everything the second it gets too hard I always take the out as soon as it's offered what's my fucking damage.....

[after-the-end-times]

So before I went on my study abroad program, the school gave us a pamphlet that warned us that while traveling we would experience a "W" of feelings.

When we first got there it'd be so exciting that we'd initially be at the top of the beginning of the W The longer we were gone from home and the more culture shock we experienced, those feelings would dip into homesickness and missing people: the first bottom of the W But after that, our emotions would level out again back up to where we miss home a little less and appreciate where we are (and then we experience it all over again when we come home: the second dip in the W)

I feel like, for Ted, we started s3 at the bottom of the first dip, but then saw him go back up the other side throughout the season.

Which is why when people say that he started off sad and questioning so of course he had to go back, that just doesn't make sense to me.

'Cause of course his excitement levels for being in a new place dipped and his homesickness increased, that literally happens to everyone when they travel long term

And yeah, if Henry and Michelle had moved to England, they'd experience that first U, but it'd probably be easier for them than Ted, considering how often they'd visited and the community they already had waiting for them

[pronouncingitwang]

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[funkytoesart]

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[35253319]

The way the genshin community characterises alhaitham is literally disgusting.

[fellhellion]

Praying to god and the spiderverse team for Gwen and Jess’s relationship to really get a deep dive exploration next movie

[doubleca5t]

One time I was explaining to my dad how unfair it is that every big city has at least a couple gay bars but there are only like 20ish lesbian bars left in the country and he responded with "That's cause gay men have a good party culture. Lesbians don't have time to party, they're too busy debating the sociological implications of things and studying for postgrad degrees" and as much as I wanted to tell him he was out of line for that, as a lesbian who spends all her free time on Tumblr debating sociological implications and messaging other lesbians in discord servers where everyone has a PhD or masters for some reason I felt like I might not be the best person to make that argument