#cause I'm trans-masc and they have at least a bit of myself

[prosa2002]

My Lambsona

Based on how I play. They are very cute and docile looking cause they really are just trying to be a benevolent leader and to care for their followers...

... except their godhood and immortality + the ressurection ritual has twisted their perception on what really matters for most, them prioritizing the feelings and petty drama the followers have then not batting an eye while killing them for a mild annoyance or inconvenience.

(ex. being one follower who asked for a meal to give to their crush that I couldn't make so I killed them to not disappoint them for a failed quest)

They are aware of that flaw, and make sure to maintain a sweet an kind persona while manipulating and gaslighting everyone about the killings :)

Also has 12 spouses, all who proposed first. Is kinda waiting for Narinder to propose (my game is glitched and he wont even give follower quests) (dude is not even aware of the lamb's feelings) (love at first sight vs slow burn)

The broken horn happened while they were on the run during the sheep massacre, and the crown is supposed to be laying on top of it hiding the "flaw". They are wearing the cursed fleece cause I can't stop using it after unlocking it lol

[genderqueerdykes]

I’m a short, plus size trans guy. I have a pretty hard time with masc clothing due to it not fitting right or at least not how I wish it did. Fem clothes usually fit how I want them to so I stick with them, plus skirts are fun and surprisingly help with the bottom dysphoria cause there’s no indent of where my dick should be like pants do, so I have 2 questions.

1: is it ok for me as a trans guy to still be upset when misgendered while wearing feminine clothing?

2: any advice on how to find masc clothes that fit properly on a fat and short guy?

hello there, thanks for taking the time to ask this! sorry for the delayed reply, but i hope you've been doing well in the mean time!

it is absolutely okay for you to be upset for being misgendered regardless of what clothing you're wearing; cisgender people get misgendered while wearing their preferred clothing, as well, many butch women get misgendered and called men when they are very much women who prefer to dress, act and look masculine. cisgender men often get misgendered if they choose to wear feminine clothing, or even men's clothing that's too "fruity". if cisgender people can get upset over this, you can too.

i feel like it's 200% impossible to know what a stranger's gender is just by looking at them and that as a society we would truly progress if we stopped assuming the genders of strangers by how they dress and avoid using gendered terms until that person reveals that information, if they so choose.

as for where to find clothing that would fit well, this one can be a bit tricky. i am tall and fat, i'm about 5' 8" and 280 lbs, so i unfortunately haven't much experience in the height department on that end, but i can tell you that wearing men's pants can be a bit tricky if you have wide hips. i have 48" hips and it can make wearing men's pants uncomfortable. if you haven't already, measure your hips (at their fullest point) and your inseam, which is the length from the crotch of your pants to the bottom of the pantleg. men's pants are sized by these two measurements, with the hip width being the first number and the inseam length being the second. my example for myself is that i wear 48x32 men's pants whenever i do buy them.

here's a guide on measuring your inseam:

here's a guide on men's clothing sizes (in both inches and centimeters) and how to measure yourself for different garments:

i will say that in the past i've thrifted most of my clothing. i'd like to be able to get to a place where i can buy myself some new clothes but up until this point most of my clothes have been thrifted. i will say if you live in a smaller area finding good clothing in plus sizes is a nightmare and you have my condolences. however i can suggest looking into men's fashion and seeing what styles you like to get an idea of what kinds of clothes you're looking for. before transitioning into buying clothes from the men's section you can always look to see if there are similar cuts of clothing (like cargo pants, for example) that are sold in the women's section for the sake of finding clothes that fit your proportions a little better at least until it's easier to figure out what size men's clothes fit you

most shirts and tops shouldn't be too much of an issue as they're made to be pretty loose fitting and don't conform to one's figure- if sleeves are too long they can be hemmed or rolled up, tails of shirts can be tucked into pants, etc. be very careful with button-up style shirts, these fit me so weird due to being intersex and i find that a lot of bigger people in general don't fit into them super well. they're not made for our proportions they just size up the shirts made for thin people and don't take into consideration how our bellies, chests and shoulders look.

button up shirts (when buttoned up, lol) can also make one's chest more prominent and create stress on the buttons that draw the eyes to the chest- i never button up these types of shirts and instead wear them open. this is a very masculine look, especially with a men's t-shirt underneath. this was my go-to in my early days of transition.

as for specific stores to look at, this will vary wildly depending on where you are in the world. i would recommend being highly cautious of buying mens' clothing from places online like Amazon, Temu, Wish, etc. that have a lot of China-based sellers, because often times you will see a 2XL+ garment and buy it thinking it will fit only to realize that that is Chinese sizing and therefore much smaller. shopping online for clothes while fat can be very hard, so i urge you to shop in person when possible

anyone have more concrete suggestions for this guy? i'm totally blanking on good suggestions of where to look for clothes.

good luck out there, stay safe, and take care of yourself. i hope you're able to find more clothing that helps you feel like yourself! thanks for stopping by

[dracononite]

What's your journey with queerness been like?

Been sitting on this question for a bit cause there's a lot to the answer. In short, being queer and trans has probably been the biggest joy of my life, and has been very freeing and allowed me to embrace my identity and love myself and others in a colorful, authentic and fulfilling way.

but here's a longer answer about the journey:

I didn't start figuring out my gender and orientation until I was going on 17, since I was raised in the south with very little sex education or inclusion outside of "wear condoms". I wasn't exposed to the idea of LGBTQ+ identities outside of gay or lesbian until (drumroll....) Tumblr! once I came across the term "nonbinary" that's when it all kinda clicked, at least for my gender. I played around with labels, tried on neutrois for a bit, but pretty quickly came to be totally comfortable with just- nonbinary. I'm just me! (I used the term "transmasc" along with nonbinary for a long while, but within the past year have accepted that I'm generally GNC and enjoy both masculine and feminine presentation in addition to androgynous, so have dropped the "masc" label.)

sexual & romantic orientation has been another journey entirely. I've questioned my orientation repeatedly ever since I found myself, as an at-the-time girl, in an online relationship with also an at-the-time girl. like I knew it was inherently LGBT but it didn't feel like I was lesbian, and this was before I learned any other terms or figured out I was nonbinary, so in my head I was like "??? this is fine, right?" (it was, even if we didn't work out in the end,) and I'd had a boyfriend in high school too, so I didn't think I was homosexual.

once I started learning more about LGBTQ+ labels, I think the first thing I thought I was, was asexual. which, is fine, I was an anxious, dysphoric teen and didn't have any real experience. I eventually moved on to demi/pan, which I stuck with for a while, cause I'd finally become more confident in myself as a person and my relations with others (thanks, college!).

and sometime last year I think, I dropped demi/pan and have just gone with "queer" and, more recently, "sapphic." My relationship with gender and romance is pretty ambiguous but I'm so happy to say that I'm totally comfortable with who I am and the relationship I'm in, and enjoy and celebrate being LGBTQ+! I've never thought that I would find a forever-label for my orientation, and I accept that it will continue to change and evolve with me throughout my life cause well, I'm still questioning pieces of it right now.

I like to be my absolute authentic self with my friends, family and loved ones, and I'm lucky to have a supportive family in my mom and brother - even if my environment growing up wasn't always safe and there were people who doubted or belittled me. I never felt like I had to hide anything from my mom and brother, which probably helped a lot in allowing myself to figure out my identity and beliefs at a pretty young age all things considered. I've never been one to repress who I am, and I never will be.

I've never really felt that announcing any changes in my labels to my online audience is important for me specifically, but I like it to be known that I'm queer and trans. cause if sharing my journey or perspective online helps anyone else figure things out or feel accepted, included, and proud to be LGBTQ+, then I'm happy to do so on occasion.

Thanks for the question!

[gayfraggle]

I don't feel safe in my own home, I don't feel comfortable.

I feel like I have to be a perfect person who never makes any mistakes, I feel like I can't be myself in anyway, like I always have to be selfless and never do things for myself and always do what I'm asked and told to do but that I need to be more confident too and speak up for myself and "how dare you feel insecure and hate myself, how dare you think we'd hate you, you're an asshole for thinking people in the family won't accept you or like you"

My mom's fiance is really intimidating, and she kind of scares me, because I feel like if say something and it comes out wrong, or accidentally do something rude, or do anything that isn't just me being completely selfless and boring that I'll get yelled at for being a dick

I don't think either of them realize just how much it hurts to be antagonized for being vulnerable and insecure

And I'm terrified for the day comes that my mom will look through me phone and find out I've been sneaking onto it, I feel like her and her gf will think I'm an awful person for letting my friends know what my current situation is and talking to them so i can have at least a bit happiness in my life, and be around people who don't make me feel awful for being human

I love my family, and they love me. They just don't treat me right, my moms treat me like both an adult who should know how to socialize and be a functional member of society and like I'm a kid who needs to learn more

I'm scared, I wish I could just move out and live with my friends because they feel more like family then my actual family.

I feel guilty now for sneaking on here for the past few weeks. I'm scared.

I feel like I can't even tell them about any of this because they'll still antagonize me for it, saying I'm a horrible person for thinking this

They also don't realize that people can have multiple names and pronouns, my lesbian mothers think people can't have multiple names unless they have did. I'm pretty my mom thinks all people under the trans umbrella have to completely hate themselves and want all the surgeries and hrt and be completely masc or fem depending on if their transfem or frans masc (and I don't think she even knows it's an umbrella term) when not all of us want that, I don't want bottom surgery nor to be referred to as a man, I'm scared to get top surgery and t because they scared me out of it, I don't want to present super masc or super fem, I want to be androgynous and be able to wear classy suits AND dresses, I want to have a deeper voice and a flat chest. I just want to be me, but they say "you'll always be female even if you go on t, get top surgery, change your legal name, change gender on ids n'shit cause you have to let your doctor know" and "people can't 'identify' as anything because their sound has no name or gender or blah blah blah". They're both into tarot cards and crystals by the way. Also they say this as people who literally have trans friends of whom one is the gm for my mom's dnd group.

I'm scared to even ask my mom if I ever actually got diagnosed with adhd because she doesn't understand how neurodivergant people work. She doesn't realize that it's life-long and something people "grow out of". She literally said she thinks my brother "grew out of his add" a few of years ago.

I think if I told them that I've tried killing myself before that they'd be like "do you have any idea how that would affect US?"

[shineyfish]

hi i hope its okay to rant in your inbox for a bit. im having Issues with being bigender because im Scared because like ive fought like most of my life for the right to be perceived as a man, a guy even, so it feels like im just giving up on all that effort by accepting that i might Still be a bit of a girl ? like im really anxious about the whole thing and im worried that im betraying other trans men by doing this. i still flinch away from being called a woman or a girl or anything like that because im used to it being uaed as an insult to me but the thing is , i dont think i Can discard that part of me.

but on a lighter note, my friends are having a hard time (silly thing to be clear) picking between the new name i picked for myself and calling me mind. like i can very much see the hesitation in my headmates when they wanna address me and theyre picking between ginny and mind. which, i feel like im a bit of a cartoon character for picking the name ginger because. i Am a ginger.

anyway sorry if this is all weird to share 👍 im just excited to talk to other bigender people and maybe youd have some advice on this

ITS OKAY, RANT AWAY MY FRIEND!!

God I absolutely understand the feeling of like. Fear that I've had it wrong and the whole bullshit that surrounds masculinity and what it means to be masc [ESPECIALLY considering I used to id as transmasc alone, and being seen as feminine made me point blank feel uncomfortable]. It took me a while and a good bit of dysphoria for reasons I wasn't able to properly place to actually realise Oh it's how I'm Thinking about my gender that's causing this. I'm trying to shove a round peg in a square hole and yeah it fits, but not as good as it could.

For me at least, a lot of Being Bigender is taking femininity and making it my own. I've joked before that I found my femininity in the trash outside and that's exactly what it feels like to me. Recycling something to fit me better. There's also something for me about the Contradiction between it. I'm a pretty boy and a handsome girl! At the same time! There's something really special to me about being like that. I'm a pretty face of makeup right beside a black eye and bloody nose from winning a fight. I'm a contradiction and it makes me feel so happy.

A lot of growing up knowing I wasn't cis meant being seen as fem felt. Bad. To put it lightly. It still kinda does, tbh all I've really done is cherry picked the parts of being fem that work for me and combined them with what I already had. I took everything that I liked about it and threw out the rest. I love eyeliner but lipstick is too much sometimes, if that makes Any sense. It's a process, and you'll figure out what works for you best by experimenting! The best advice I can really give is just. Have fun! Listen to shitty music! Experiment with things you were afraid of! Be loud! Be yourself! You've already come so far and you deserve to be so fucking proud of that!!!

Figuring out what you want for yourself is difficult. I'm really proud of you for coming this far :) my asks/dms are always open if you wanna talk more btw!! It's entirely up to you and I hope you figure out what fits you best and makes you feel happy!!

[da-birb-writes-sometimes]

hihi!! i'm not sure if your requests are open atm, but i'd like to request a romantic TWST matchup pls? if not you can just ignore this, no worries! :) i tried to split this up as much as what seemed to make sense so it’s not so hard to read :’)

i'm two-spirit and i use they/she pronouns! i spend a lot of my time sleeping (i'm a very eepy gal lmao) and foraging outside with my friends! i also love video games (my favs being animal crossing, the last of us, twst, obey me, stardew valley, resident evil, etc) and cooking/baking! i'm quite ditsy to be perfectly honest and forget things very easily. but i am quite smart when i want to be! i've been described before as a very humble and dedicated person, but i tend to be very emotionally intense. my best friend florence said this abt me when i asked for a friend's desc of me:

"you tend to be really kind and emotional. you aren't afraid to express yourself in any manner. you also value connections that you forge with people and will always push those around you to do the best that they can. you're very stubborn, especially when it comes to conflicts; you won't stop until you've reached a resolution. you also value passion, both in yourself and others. i've never met anyone so determined for those that they love."

 i'm a leo sun, scorpio moon (again emotionally intense lmao), and a pisces rising! in typology i'm an entp 7w6 721 sp/sx! i’m rather short (a good 5’3”), i have black hair with neon blue roots in a shag/hush cut style. my hair is very thick and very wild and i tend to have a couple of small braids in to represent my indigenous culture (with beads as well to make it pretty hehe). i have nice tan going on (again cause i’m native) and i’m a bit more on the thicker side when it comes to my body and i’m VERY feminine presenting. i have several piercings: (two nostrils, one septum, left eyebrow, spider bites, and too many to count on my ears) and three tattoos: one of the vivienne westwood logo on my shoulder blade, one that says “trns pwr” (trans power) on my wrist, and one of the two-headed calf (the one from the poem GAH i love that poem sm) on my upper arm.

 i’m bi with a preference towards masc individuals, and i’m open to poly relationships although i’ve only had experience with monogamous relationships. when it comes to relationships, i tend to be a bit of a worrywart about my partner’s satisfaction and happiness in the relationship, and thus a bit self-conscious. i spend a lot of time doting on my partner and put their well-being before anything else, but when i don’t receive affirmation from them in return i immediately feel like i’ve screwed up somehow. i tend to view romantic love as like a joining of two people’s souls, and for me romantic love is very much a spiritual and intense feeling/ordeal. i’m very spiritual myself and i put lots of attention into my growth and well-being in every facet of my life, esp spiritually though.

 i tend to look for partners who are at least a tad clingy so my doting is reciprocated, have some sort of trauma(s) or issues (yes i try to fix them T-T), and are emotionally intelligent. i LOVE domesticity and my biggest daydream is living in a cottage with my s/o and being completely off-grid and like, having a dairy farm or something no-kill. i ADORE all animals i prefer partners who do as well, in fact not liking animals or not respecting them is a huge red flag for me. i also get romantically turned off by people who take no time to process or take into account their emotions or other people’s emotions, or by people who are “holier-than-thou” and narcissistic. also very much a red flag to me. in terms of affection, i show it mainly through quality time and physical touch, though i don’t feel limited to just those two languages. im also very autistic so i also show affection through parallel play and info-dumping. when it comes to receiving affection, i also love quality time and physical affection and parallel play, but i can find appreciation through any love language as well.

and i think that’s about it! if you need any more info just message me at @ur-paramour :)

Hi Elio! Your formatting was great, and I have plenty of info to plot how to make hearts melt!

Let us see, oh, silly me, you have two hands for a reason!

Cater Diamond & Lilia Vanrouge

The eepiness does remind Lilia of Silver, so he just chuckles softly and tucks you in. Cater will place a kiss to your forehead whenever he finds you asleep. They both adore that even though you are kind, you are as equally stubborn. Both of them would also understand the emotional intensity; for different reasons.

I hope you’re prepared for this duo because they both are very clingy. The three of you could be out and about and people just see them trying their very best to melt into you. Someone gives you a weird look? Boom, face covered in kisses.

Speaking of kisses, they will kiss your tattoos and piercings. Lilia would be curious about the meanings, whereas Cater would gently trace over the line work. You would just be surrounded with tonnes of physical affection, and they also love getting it back, so please, drown them with it.

As for trauma, Cater finds it difficult to let people in due to his upbringing, and then Lilia definitely at least has PTSD. But it’s still trauma for both of them, both will have rough days. [You said you like to fix ‘em, well here’s two of them.]

Hair-dying sessions with both of them. Lilia would be touching up your roots, and Cater would be fixing up Lilia’s colour. It’s up to you if you can trust Lilia with your hair when it comes to maintaining the haircut. Cater would probably be the better option, he can also braid and bead your hair in cute styles.

INFODUMP TO THEM! They love seeing you get passionate and talk about hyper-fixations! Cater would mainly be quiet and looking at you all softly, whereas Lilia would occasionally join in with you, especially on topics that he himself enjoys; this can go on for hours at a time.

Lilia would LOVE the off-grid cottage lifestyle! The two of you would be out tending to the cows, and any other animal friends you have. Cater less so, but he comes to enjoy it eventually; he can be mostly found in the vegetable garden or with the barn cats.

You can and will have dates where you sit around and play video games together, and then go foraging. Cater would probably enjoy Stardew Valley, whereas Lilia would like Resident Evil.

DO NOT LET LILIA COOK! Cater will body slam Lilia to stay out of the kitchen. Please, for all of your well-being, please be the only cook.

I hope you like your match-up @ur-paramour. Honestly, I had to restrain myself from writing more, as I like keeping match-ups at a relative same word count. Saw 'polyam ok' and I went, "It's free real estate."

But I hope you enjoy Cater and Lilia! It would overall be a somewhat chaotic, but very cuddly relationship. They would also be very curious and eager to learn about any and all of your spiritual practices. Plus some bovine hugs from the cows.

[anameistoohard]

Reminding myself I know who I am is what's called a grounding technique (I didn't know that when I started doing it, I just knew it helped lol). IMO grounding techniques are one of the most important things any system should know. They're ways to help you feel more connected to your body, reduce anxiety, and just, like, overall stop your head from spinning. They can be used to reduce or even stop yourself from dissociating, stave off a switch (at least until you can get to a safe place to let it happen. I wouldn't recommend trying to stop it outright, good way to get a headache), and help switches happen smoother and faster (which also reduces headaches... headaches are really common for systems lol).

Grounding techniques mostly involve things that engage your senses, giving you something to focus on. Some that have helped us include:

Running my finger tips over the back of my hands and up my arms

Rubbing my hands over the fabric of my pant legs

Controlling my breathing/ breathing deeply

Focusing on interesting smells like a scented candle (doesn't need to be lit, just hold it up to your nose)

We have a necklace we can put essential oils into, does the same thing as the last one and is really good for grounding in public cause it's so subtle

Eating strong mints like altoids and breathing through our mouth has been the most impactful to us

There are some that more engage your brain like trying to rehearse song lyrics in your head or counting but skipping every third number or something like that.

This is just to name a few. Every one is different. Even within your system different things can work for different alters. Experiment and find out what best works for all of y'all.

Switching gears to being trans and a mixed gender system.

Pretty much everything we do operates on a "rule" of: If we can compromise, compromise. If we can't compromise, do the thing that causes the least amount of harm.

One of the biggest examples of that is hrt. We've been depressed literally our entire life, and suicidal for about a third of it (not so much anymore thankfully). On top of that I/we have had really bad chest dysphoria. Like, bad enough to cause actual physical pain and something roughly equivalent to phantom limb. Two years on hrt has reduced my chest dysphoria to the point that it is almost nonexistent. It's a life saving treatment. The problem? We have some guys in our system who aren't to keen on having boobs. One in particular, Konnor (Hi! I'm co-con), hrt has caused him to have dysphoria. It's as bad for him now as it was for me before starting. So what do we do about that? Either you're on hrt or you're not, even a low dose would still cause changes over time. This isn't something we can compromise on. He recognizes how important hrt is to me and the other girls/ fem leaning alters and how much it would hurt us if we weren't on it. So what he agreed to is to continue with our current dose but do things to help him feel more comfortable when he's out like buying masculine clothes, hair gel to style his (long af -K) hair in a more men's style, and we've even talked about getting him and the other guys a binder for when they're out (obviously not as good as just not having boobs but I'm willing to deal -K).

On the flip side, I've needed to resign myself to the fact that I'm probably never getting bottom surgery (or at most an orchi). Hrt has helped alleviate a lot of my bottom dysphoria but it's far from all gone. I was a bit on the fence about getting such a major (and expensive) surgery to begin with but knowing how devastating it would be to our guys/ masc leaning alters, I could never do that to them. That's something I need to deal with same as them with the hrt.

On a lighter note, something we CAN compromise on is getting our ears pierced. I've been wanting to get them pierced for a long time. Konnor doesn't care for "any of that sparkly girly shit /lh". Because we need to wear the same earrings 24/7 for months until they heal, we agreed to get something simple like a plain metal ball until we can swap them out freely based on whoever's fronting's preferences (or not wear anything if they prefer).

All in all, it's just about being empathetic and recognizing other alters' feeling are just as real and important as yours. Even (and especially) when they conflict with your own.

It can be hard. At first I felt like I was loosing my autonomy. Having to share a life with other people, my life felt like it was no longer my own. But some of them have NEVER gotten to feel like their life is their own. How could I ever resent them for just wanting to live? I love them and just want what's best for all of us, even the ones who drive me crazy, even the ones I butt heads with, and even the ones who have hurt me (I've found they're the ones who've needed the most help).

I hope at least something in this wall of text was useful to you lol. You're not alone (in more ways than one, har har), you're strong, you're brave, and you're going to be okay. We believe in you. 💜

So these last few days has been.. Turbulent. DIFFERENT

I think I may be a System? Infact I KNOW I am a system at this point, but Im also not ready to accept that. Well a part of me isnt, and the other parts of me are like… uh duh of course you are. 

*A system in this context refers to the collective consciousness under the DID / OSDD Umbrella, I dont know the correct terminology in all of this, so im so sorry If i I mess up. I don’t necessarily want to give myself a label, there's .. brain scans and stuff I can get to prove it. And I need those, thats the only way I know this is real. But for now, for my own mental health I am treating it as if it were.. “real “ And I dont really know… what to expect…? I want to find something, ANYTHING, on I guess.. Systems waking up? But I cant find it. So I’ll just do this here Im gonna dump out all our thoughts onto some comic pages and we will figure it out.  I had a bit of an awakening roughly.. 5 days ago, and for the sake of convenience gonna use Plural/System terminology - There are alters, I have met them, the have names and personalities and some of them are really fuckin annoying i just want to punch him in his TEETH

Anyways, since the alter awakening moment, my brain has been in TURMOIL parts of me accept this, parts of me dont, i keep feeling like my face is like shifted 2 inches to the right and everything gets fuzzy in the real world. Not that these alters have names like.. Files are getting sorted  into these proper figures and everything is getting explained and figured out. And its making me feel like I'm not me anymore?

Like I always would argue and barter and fight with my own thoughts, but that's the thing, they wer thoughts, voices in my head with just like, distinct personalities. I just saw it as a different part of me?? Figured that was normal.

But now they are.. stronger ? OR maybe because i'm more aware of them and the personalities I can tell whos out now and like.. Obviously they are happy to get some facetime with the world properly?? But like.. Am *I* just aware of it, aware of them now, aware that it is not just *I* but *We* and so noticing it more, I'm resisting even harder? We feel more fractured than ever.

I have a good friend helping me out, another system, I owe them everything, maybe my life. (PLEASE FOLLOW @transpanda-1 BTW THEY DESERVE IT) They had a few amazing tips, but I cant keep bugging them about every anxiety on my mind thats not fair, so I’ll ask the whole community.

I guess what I want to know is.. Like is this normal? Do all systems go through this? What should I expect in the future and how do I make this more streamlined and stop.. Fighting it? I guess?

I thought I finally had myself figured out, just be the girl who makes the funny relatable trans comics… it was simple.

[millenialfanfictionaddiction]

May I rant here for a sec? My parents are just- really frustrating me lately., and they're being shitty about my gender, and- ugh...

For the record, I don't live with my parents. I am very comfortable and confident in the labels I have chosen to identify with, and ain't nobody's opinions gonna be able to change shit. Also, the entirety of my family are Christians. I'm a Christian, and I get that gender stuff can be a bit of complicated situation, but still...

I came out, gender wise, almost a year ago. I came out as a demi girl (which has since changed to bigender, but I haven't told them cuz they don't give a flying fuck anyways) and that I was using she/her and he/him, as well as using two names (my birth name and a new one), all used interchangeably. They responded with the expected "we still love you no matter what" bullshit and I just, gggrrrrrrrr!

(My sister wins for best response to that coming out, tho. She replied, and I quote, "lol well duh" XD)

Additional note: I have done no actual, physical or hormonal transitioning, and idk if I ever will. I'm trying to present more masc because I want to be perceived as more gn or masc. I'm not great at it, but that's my current 'transitioning' status.

Now, I am pretty aggressive when it comes to people, my family included, misgendering other people. My friends, my partner, etc. Don't misgender people or I am going to correct you. And if you keep doing it wrong without effort to improve, I WILL make you uncomfortable for fucking up! ... However, I don't know how to do that with myself...

It's really hard with my parents, still using she/her, because they're not technically wrong, but... I wish I had the guts to tell them, "you calling me she/her because those are still my pronouns is different than you using she/her because you refuse to use he/him". And they're never explicitly transphobic (like, they've never said anything like "I don't like trans people" or anything) but they also obviously don't accept it, or like it, or like if I bring trans/queer anything up.

Like, on Sunday I was at my parents' for father's day, scrolling through Pinterest, and a post came up. Talkin about how 'according to Mulan, you need blah blah blah to be a man (ya know the song). You do not need a penis of any sort' and I thought it was kinda fun, so I read it out loud and my dad's instant response was, "ha, yes you do <need a penis>" ... (My partner was there, and apparently I noticeably deflated at that comment and didn't get better until we went home...)

And today, I was talking to my mom about our little vacation we're going on in July to see her side of the family, and I mentioned, "Heh, I don't think I've come out to Uncle Russ. Uncle Ryan guessed it, and I came out to grandma, but not Uncle Russ" and I said it really lightheartedly cuz I found it kinda like a 'haha, oops!' and she just- in the most dismissive tone, replied, "yeah, I wouldn't worry about it", as if it doesn't even matter! Like, fuck, it just hurts! It fucking hurts me!

Back in March, I was feeling super stressed about my birthday (autism brain(I think) finds birthdays super super stressful. I can't handle the surprise of gifts, and people expecting certain reactions, and- ugh! No. Do not like. I have had at least one mental breakdown around my birthday every year for- idek how many years now. A lot.) and it was a lot of because I was worried about having to spend time with my parents, and them calling me she/her in a way that just still feels like misgendering somehow. And I was so desperate for some validation that I wrote myself a paragraph using both my names and all my pronouns with some encouraging words as if it were a social media post for my birthday written by Oikawa (I don't even simp for oikawa, btw, but pls, I want to be his friend, we would be such great buddies and we would cause so much chaos!) I know that writing stuff about ourselves/others interacting with fictional characters to make ourselves/others feel better is normal around here, but I think for 'normal people' it's weird, and I wish I could be able to tell my parents that I had to do that, and that in general they would understand how much their dismissive attitude hurts me. And it just gets worse and worse the more they do it.

.

I'm really sorry for such a long post. I'm just- I'm not constantly frustrated by this, but I get more and more annoyed and upset each time it happens. And as much as I hope I'm wrong some day, I've basically accepted that they're never going to do it right. To them, I'm never going to be "I was talking to him, and ___". I'm never going to be "my oldest son___" (or 'child'! Even just gn is better than nothing!) I'm just- not actually me...

- Dragon anon

First off, Dragon anon please always feel free to rant to me/us! It feels so awesome that people trust me/this blog to share their daily issues with. That's a huge sign of trust and I love it! It makes my mom heart happy!

I'm sorry your family is struggling with this acceptance. It's hard enough dealing with accepting our own identity and then to have our family not accept that is tough.

I'm so proud of you for all that you've processed and been thought in your identity journey. You are right, it can be very complicated for not only you but for your family. And i feel like if they communicated that difficulty, it would be different. But for them to not even try, I feel lile that's not respectful of you.

I'm going to share a little of my youngest kiddos journey with you. So she (current preferred pronoun) was afab. She was diagnosed with Autism at 2 and has been genderfluid/non-binary/bi-gender since. It's actually very common for people onto he spectrum to identify as genderfluid (as told to me by her psychologist). At one point, she wanted to be referred to as a he. So we did that. I told everyone her preferred pronou was "he/him" and to act accordingly. Now she's decided she was "she/her" and to dress more masculine. I've accepted this and accommodated as much as I possibly can. My oldest (he/him) often had troubles with pronouns and sees everyone has "him" which we are working on.

The point here is that your family should respect your preferences. It's not their life that's being affected it's yours. And respect goes deeper than just being cordial or nice. It's respecting people's preferences. I'm so glad you are helpful with it comes to other people's pronouns because being misgendered and/or the wrong pronoun can be harmful not to mention disrespectful. I think you should take the same approach with yourself. Value yourself like you value the others around you because you deserve that respect. If your mom identifies as "she/her" and you just started calling her "he/him" she'd probably get offended and that same principle should apply to you.

I know pronouns/gender/sexuality can be confusing but I'm the type of person to ask questions or Google when I don't understand something. You cannot fault someone for asking a question about something they don't understand and knowing you as I do, I think you'd appreciate them taking the effort to do so.

I hope this helps in some way. Again I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Accepting yourself is hard enough without dealing with outside influences.

Just know you are always accepted here as you are and we love and care about you very much 🥰