#cause I’m just so proud of myself like ONG

[nightmarenova-writer]

~Story Drabble Time!! Ft. My Chaotic Thought Process~ #3?

(P.S. this is just a messy asf timeline of how my thought process happened to rapidly grow what was a small comment in my mind into what it is now Lmao. This is gonna be a wild ride so buckle up!)

The first thought: I could do this better what the hell, the story is getting to confusing with all the things there adding to it that I can’t even follow it anymore! I can’t even read this anymore, I’m dropping it.

- this came from a fanfic I was reading that involved multiple fandoms, with many being added in some of the most sloppiest transitions I’ve ever seen, to just straight up giving, ‘this is now a thing, deal with it.’ vibes. It physically hurt me and my inner writer to read what once was a beautifully story turn into a hot mess no one could save. And with this single thought my brain went into hyper drive of what I could do with the bare bones of inspiration I was given by that one fic. Which would lead to now, 2 years of planning and outlining in the works lmao.

The first few months (March - May 2021): During the first few months it was definitely the turning point for me. At first I wasn’t even planning on doing anything with it, cause in the past whenever I tried to write stories I would write a few pages but then that was it. I couldn’t really go far with it since a majority of those times it was impulsive writing and school assignments. So imagine my shock when my brain was giving me the epiphany of a whole ass story line. Main character, back story and all just weaving into a symphony that just clicked. It literally was a ‘Oh yeah, its all coming together’ moment.

The six month mark ( August 2021): By this time I had playlists of songs I could include inside my story (it’s a fic but idk why I’m calling it this). But I was still unorganized when it came to some things, for example the playlists. I had too many but I didn’t want to fix them (until I ended up doing this by July of 2022) so it caused some confusion and set backs when I needed a certain track to get in the mood for a scene, arc, or etc. All of this along with needing to gather materials and references for my story came into play too. In the form of Pinterest, my savior and holy ground for resources and everything I needed in order to saved said stuff.

End of year (December 2021 - January 2022): Oh god, at this time frame I wasn’t really doing much for my story due to the stress of work and the holiday season coming to a close. But that didn’t mean I dropped it entirely, I just worked on things that where also stress relievers for me. So it was mainly music related alongside some written drafts when I had some extra time. (When it comes down to it I’m a write first, type later type of girl)

I also didn’t work on the scenes I wanted to because I didn’t want the stress and negativity from work to seep into or infect them. Especially the scenes that where more or less emotional. Cause I’d be damned if I let my stress screw up a fluff scene I wanted to write down but held off cause I knew my brain would.

One year mark and then some (March - May 2022): This time was the one year mark of planning and outlining my story. And when I tell you I was excited but freaked out I mean it. Like this was the first time I ever really put some much effort into anything??? And I didn’t even lose interest in it!? This was a big thing for me since in the past I was a impulsive writer and would drop stories like hot cakes, so the fact I was till going at this strong made me so proud and happy!!

But this was also a time where I went through a lot of revision with what I had planned out as for the installments. So a lot of taking stuff out and placing stuff in type of thing.

Year and a half mark (July - August 2022):

This is where I went on a organize everything tangent. Like I MEAN EVERYTHING! From the music playlists to the boards I had on Pinterest including the material I have in my room nothing was spared. But I’m glad I did, after all it made things so much easier to sort stuff into and find things related to a specific segment or installment.

Although there where something’s I needed to sort through it was fine if I did it little by little since this was only for the music playlists. This time frame was just a lot of cleaning up and proper organizing lol

End of the Year (December 2022 - January 2023):

This is where I finally began to work on some stuff, like sitting down typing away with my materials spread out on my desk surrounded by cups filled with either coffee, monster, or as of recently hot chocolate. Of course as of right now I’m taking a much needed break as my work place has been having a little trouble with the payroll (or the hours they can give us to work) so I’ve been working only one day a week for three weeks now(?? Or two idk the days have been squished together for me) so I’ve definitely been taking advantage of this.

But this has been the short and undoubtedly chaotic time frame of my thought process and the things I’ve been doing. While this wasn’t a story or what you where probably expecting, I just wanted to share my progress and dedication towards my project. Like cause dam man, two years??? That’s some determination right there man, and I’m know to not really show that towards anything really so this is a huge thing for me. But yeah, hoped you liked reading my rough around the edges time line of events!

[midnightwriter21]

jjk hcs: the jjk boys as boyfriends

characters: yuji itadori, megumi fushiguro, yuta okkotsu

warnings: none (i think?)

AN: if there’s anymore boyfriend hcs that you’d like to see lmk!! read gojo & nanami as boyfriends HERE

YUJI ITADORI

oh girl i am JEALOUS

he can be a little air headed at times but he’s the sweetest bf ever

i say he’s air headed but he’s actually very attentive

you get half an inch trimmed off your hair?

he notices immediately

“babe your hair looks great!”

notices everything about you actually

from your favorite color

to the brand of PENS you prefer to use

who tf notices the brand of pens people use?!?

yuji does

yk the tiktoks of boys picking entire BUSHES of flowers for their girlfriends

that’s him.

he straight up rips a whole bush out of the ground from the front of jujutsu high to give to you

principal yaga was not amused

gojo was tho

HE PRINTS OUT YOUR INSTAGRAM PICTURES TO REPLACE THE POSTERS OF MODELS ON HIS WALL

he’s so proud that your his girl fr

oh and he’s gotta hella pet names for you too

they’re all super basic

babe, sweetheart, cutie, etc.

he flirts w u like y’all aren’t together

awful pickup lines and everything

“do you have a mirror in ur pants? cause i can see myself in them.”

if u don’t think he’s the cutest then u can go argue with the wall bye

MEGUMI FUSHIGURO

he has me in a chokehold

anyways

at the beginning of y’all’s relationship he’s awkward as fuck

but he eases up pretty quickly

veryyyyyy private with y’all’s relationship

if you somehow get him to hold your hand in public let alone give you a kiss?!?

girl count ur blessings fr

and it’s not bc he’s embarrassed of your relationship or anything no ma’am

it’s bc he would NEVER hear the end of it from gojo, nobara, and yuji

valid excuse

but when you two are alone?

oh girl it’s like he’s glued to you

when i say clingy? i mean it

also

king of nap time!!

he’s kidnapping u, bring you to his dorm room, dropping u on the bed, and laying completely on top of you

swear it’s his solution to everything

ur tired? it’s nap time

sad abt something? it’s nap time

a curse beat ur ass? it’s nap time

gojo is being annoying? it’s nap time

nap time cures everything ong

he’s not too crazy w the pet names

in private he’ll call you babe

in public you’re lucky if he adds a -chan to ur name lol

he’s so pretty boy

also can we appreciate his gorgeous luscious eyelashes?

no? okay

YUTA OKKOTSU

i would give my first born to make him feel happy, safe, and loved

KING OF MY HEART

he’s so baby

he’s the type of bf that no matter how long y’all have been dating he still gets flustered over you

y’all been together for an hour? he’s blushing when you give him a kiss on the cheek

y’all been together for a week? he’s blushing when you give him a kiss on the cheek

y’all been together for a year? he’s BLUSHING WHEN YOU GIVE HIM A KISS ON THE CHEEK

HE. IS. BLUSHING.

which is so incredibly endearing and innocent

but don’t get me wrong

mess with this man too much?

oh he’ll snap

he has the patience of a saint. but when it runs out?

oh ur in for it miss gurl

period.

teasing him a lil too much tryna make him flustered

when he finally snaps he is switching that dynamic up real quick

now he’s the one smirking and feeling all smug while you’re the one with the bright red face

ahem…

anyways

yuta’s love for you is very intense

now don’t start thinking HE is intense cause no

i mean yuta loves you so much that he might just crawl up inside ur body and live there

that type of intense

you occupy his mind 99.9% of the time

he’s on a mission and has time to stroll through the mall

“oh y/n would like that” aND HE’S BUYING IT

he’s chit chatting with inumaki and panda

best believe he finds a way to bring you up in conversation

“oh! that reminds me y/n said something the other day about…”

he is the softest ever when it comes to pet names

sweetheart, my love, princess, etc.

i’m so soft for him he deserve the world

[smutty-ki113r]

hiiiii ong i feel so bad because i haven’t been posting stories:/ i’ve been dealing with such bad depression and stress recently. i just started college , my first year hehe, and i am excited but my home life is really draining me:( but i will motivate myself to post soon because i adore everyone who reads my stories. i’m trying to stay positive but it’s really hard! no more of the sad talk though. i am also super excited to send in more asks because these really make me happy<3🦦

Omg no it’s completely ok! I know how you feel, especially when there’s pressure. Like it’s the mentality of “I need to get a fic out every week” and then if I’m not inspired it becomes a task and I don’t wanna put out the bad content cause I don’t do low level shit.

School is so draining, big changes like that suck. I had to prepare myself mentally for that big shift, last time I moved schools I developed an Ed :/ but this time it was ok!

If I could do it- you can too!!! Plus I believe in you! And I am so so proud of you.

Getting in “the zone” can be draining, I love to write based off songs because that gives me extra excitement and let’s me listen while I work on repeat so I can GET IT DONE!!

I tried to send in an ask on your blog but I have no clue if it worked 😬😬 it’s ok tho! But hey! You got this!

[usertoxicyaoi]

FAIZA I'M SCREAMING THEY HAVE THE BOOKS!!

- BIS! BRIGHTS STORY OMG HOW R U FEELING!? IM SCREAMING

- THE BOOK!

- FANBOOK BRIGHT IG OMGMGGJNGJGJAAJSAKDJSKF!!!!!!

- Faiza! Please check Bright's latest ig story!!

- FAIZA! BRIGHT POSTED ON HIS STORY! I collapsed seeing ur book on his story, u really did that queeen 💅🏽

- JAJSJDHFGH OMG FAIZA THEY GOT THE BOOKS

- Holy shit faiza! Check Instagram ASAP! Bright got the book. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

- FAIZA IM SCREAMIND I JUST SAW BRIGHTS IG STORY AND DJSNSKSNS

- Fcfykjwwejbfrh QUEEN! check Bright story

- FAIZA! BRIGHT POSTED THE BOOK!

- Hiiiii bright just posted a picture of the book you made!!!

- AHHHHHH FAIZA I JUST SAW BRIGHT’S INSTA STORY!! He got the bookkkkkkk❤️❤️(I hope I’m correct that it is the book)!! I’m so happy for you all and thank you for all the hard work you and everyone else put on this project!! Bright and win deserve all the love

- FAIZA BRIGHT JUST POSTED THE BOOK ON HIS STORY THEY GOT THE THINGS

- OMG! Faiza! Bright got the fanbook! I didn't even contribute to it yet it made me so glad to see that he received it! So happy for you and every one who put a bit of their heart into that book.

- FAIZA !!!! THE BOOKS !!! I saw Bright’s story and camr running!!!! Is this what you were being cryptic about tho 👀 ONG IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!!!

- FAIZAAAAA!!!! go check Bright's instagram stories RIGHT NOW!!!!!!! 😭

- IM SURE YOU'LL GET A MILLION MESSAGES FOR THIS BUT BRIGHT POSTED A STORY WITH THE FANBOOK 😭😭♥️

- BRIGHT HAS THE BOOK! WIN PROBABLY DOES TOO! THEY RECEIVED THE LOVE 🥺

- Faiza I don't know if you've seen yet but I think Bright got the fanbook! He put something in his Insa stories about an hour ago.

- omg the book is in his ig story! 🤍

- it looks like brightwin got your books! they look lovely, thank you and best wishes to u!

- Hi faiza did u happen to see bright’s latest insta story👀👀👀 because I think u should!!

- omg it happened

- FAIZA, THEY GOT YOUR BOOKS!!!!

- FAIZA THEY GOT THE BOOKS !!!!

- MISS FAIZA THEY GOT THE BOOKS -1ovebound

- OMG FAIZAAAAAA!!! THEY GOT THE BOOKS!! BRIGHT POSTED ON HIS INSTA STORY OMGGGGGG

- Faiza they got the book look bright igs

- faiza!!!! faiza!!!!!!!!! FAIZA!!!!!!!!

- good morning my dear, i know it's 6am there and you probably have thousands of messages in your inbox but i want to reiterate: thank you so much for organising this. you have put your life and soul and heart into this and being able to see it in their hands is overwhelming enough for the rest of us, but even more tremendous for you. i just wanted to make my appreciation and love for you known again, this was such an amazing and kind undertaking and i know we all appreciate it. thank you, ily!

- so busy these days... BUT NEVER NOT PROUD OMGG SO PROUD, FAIZAAAA! LOOK AT BRIGHT'S INSTA OMGG YOU DESERVE IT SM! ILY ❤️

- FAIZAAA!!! OMG THANK FOR DOING THIS PROJECT I AM SURE BRIGHT AND WIN HAVE THE BIGGEST SMILES ON THEIR FACES RIGHT NOW I AM ACTUALLY CRYING *SOBS*

- im on the verge of tears on your behalf seeing bright's story.... i am so happy for you :(((( also i know this is gonna blow up on twitter you're a celebrity now

- The law of equivalent exchange. Brightwin get the books however you get twitter people coming into your anons

- let them link u Faiza! U deserve the praise 🥳💕

- I didn't write anything for the book cuz I'm really bad at writing this kind of things (I never know what to write even if I have so much to say, and writing this is causing me stress) but I'm really happy that they received something so special, done entirely because you and many people love them. Anyways, thanks for coming with this project to make them know how much they're loved❤️ you're such a good person.

- FAIZA!! i saw brights ig story and immediately rushed here! so happy for them and for you, i know they will love it so much

- I see the tweets about u in my timeline!! I feel like a proud friend even though I’m just an anon! I’m like “I KNOW HER! I LIKE HER CONTENT ALL THE TIME!” 🤣

- Seeing ppl not know about the fan project is kinda hilarious and strange lol, the tumblr community feels so tight knit so it’s like unexpected! You and Rahul are like our leaders 🤍

- I'm really happy for you!!! ❤❤❤ you did such a good job and the books got there safely *throws all the hearts*

- SO HAPPY FOR YOU❤️

- Hi, Faiza! Tysm for putting together the project idk if I actually got my letter on time but regardless seeing in bright's ig made me feel like floating, he has the words of people who love him and his work on his hands, and he gets to cherish that forever. 👌🏽💕 Tysm

- faiza u really r the beating heart of this fandom. i love u so much thank u for existing

- Hi Faiza!! i just saw bright’s ig story and seeing him hold the book is making me so emotional i can’t even form words right now but i just wanted to tell u THANK U. this wouldn’t have happened without u. ur so .. ur such a .. AAAAAAAAA I DONT HAVE A GOOD ENOUGH WORD TO DESCRIBE U !!! JUST !!! pls know my love, respect and gratitude for u is endless !!!! thank u so much for everything that u do !!! ❤️❤️

- The way that I got like super emotional when I saw Bright’s post with the book and then my first though was I wonder how Faiza feels rn. I can’t stop smiling, I’m so happy that I participated on the books! Thank you again 💕

HELLOOOOO EVERYONE!!!!

oh wow thats. yeah. yall really are the absolute GREATEST people. i was up until 1am last night thinking and stressing out over when the boys would get the books. and amidst that stress, i fell asleep???

and i woke up at 6am to go watch wyel but i thought ill come on here first .... and i got FLOODED with messages!!! so to answer that one anon, yes, THIS is what i was being cryptic about!!

and i still cant bring myself to go and physically see brights ig story yet. im too too nervous to do that hsjhd but yall have sent me screenshots, so thank you sm sm sm for it!!!!

i hope win can post something soon too, so i know he's got his aswell and put my mind at ease!!

but urm. yeah. its been a Wild 2 months making this. thank you EVERYONE for contributing and providing so much support and motivation. it truly goes to show the power we can have as people when we come together for a good cause! and they have a piece of you now! to cherish and hold!!! and read and gain strength from! as i said, we sowed the seeds, and here are the fruits of our labour!! and im so happy i could be a messenger in some way to carry all those words of affection yall have and your own personal stories and experiences and hand them over to them. thank you all for trusting me to do so. i was so scared bc i didnt wanna let you guys down!

i love you all SO SO much!!! yall are truly the greatest friends!! 🧡🧡🧡

[kim-seungmine]

here’s to our future

summary: On your graduation day, you and Seongwoo realized that breaking up may not be the best choice for you two.

genre: angst, slice-of-life, fluff

characters: (fem) reader x ong seongwoo of wanna one (ft. kang daniel)

word count: 1621

a/n: hope you guys like it!

You stared at the tall building in front of you, feeling relieved that you managed to get out of this hell called university just in time. But you somehow felt sad too; everything that happened inside that building had been nothing but amazing for you. Well, most of your days as a university student consisted of you looking half-dead after pulling an all-nighter and you cursing out heartless professors who seemed to forget that they were once students too. However, you were happy. You were hopeful; that everything would be worth it, that your future would be bright enough for you to live well.

Now, you were terrified. Terrified of your future job, terrified of your future co-workers, terrified of days without Ong Seongwoo.

Ong Seongwoo, you tested his name in your head. You almost never thought of him as you didn’t want to make yourself with memories of the two of you together, but you never moved on. You tried to make yourself believe that you did, but a voice inside your head always told you to avoid thinking about him.

“You’re so dumb how did you lose your cap  when we’re not inside the hall yet!” Kang Daniel, your best friend slash partner-in-crime, appeared out of nowhere. He dumped one of the graduation caps he had on your head, ruining your hair that you spent two hours styling. Curse words were already on the tip of your tongue, but you decided to hold back. Today is a happy day, you chanted.

“Can you be just a little bit more considerate I woke up at 5 to do my hair,” you retorted, fixing the cap while trying to save your hair. “But thanks,” you added. Daniel only chuckled, eyeing you from head to toe. “Wow, you actually put some effort to look decent today,” he teased, pulling you inside the building as other graduates started to enter the hall.

“Seongwoo found it, though. Not me,” Daniel continued, causing you to stop on your tracks. “I see,” you answered sheepishly, your eyes caught Seongwoo’s as the latter entered the hall with his friends Hwang Minhyun and Yoon Jisung. He gave you a small smile, and you could almost hear him say, “How are you going to live without me, Y/N?” in a playful tone that you loved so much.

Yeah, how am I going to live without you?

The graduation ceremony ended faster than your expectation. You and Daniel snapped as many selfies as you could since you two wouldn’t be able to see each other often after this. Daniel decided to go back to Busan to teach at a dance academy, a decision that caused his parents to flip out since he spent 4.5 years to study marketing but didn’t even bother trying to look for a job in that field. You, meanwhile, were recently hired as a member of the creative team for one of the biggest entertainment companies.

“You really should talk to Seongwoo,” Daniel suggested, looking dead serious all of sudden. You groaned, not wanting to have this useless discussion again with him. You and Seongwoo were over. He was the one who wanted to end things with you, he was the one who left you. Why would you talk to him again?

“Don’t you think that he probably, you know, regret his decision?” Daniel asked again, but you only shrugged. Only a few steps away from you, Seongwoo was busy striking silly poses with Kim Jaehwan, and you started laughing before you could stop yourself. Seongwoo was funny, not because what he did was funny, but because he was Seongwoo. He was always being himself.

That was why you never tried to ask for explanation from him after he broke up with you. If he did it, then he meant it.

You just stood there with Daniel for a while, watching Seongwoo took a few more photos with Jaehwan, Jisung and Minhyun. At one point, you felt Jisung’s eyes on you. You panicked when he suddenly stopped posing to whisper something to Seongwoo’s ear. You immediately started dragging Daniel away when suddenly you felt a hand on your shoulder.

There he was, standing so close to you, staring into your eyes. You felt weak; Seongwoo always did that to you. One stare was enough to melt you. To mess up with your whole system. Everytime he looked at you like that, something big always happened. The last time he did, you two broke up.

You wondered what would happen this time.

“Yeah, sure,” you mumbled after he asked you to talk to him. He led you to the audio visual room on the sixth floor, where you first met him. Seongwoo closed the door after you entered the room before sitting down at one of the seats. You sat beside him, trying to figure out what made him do this months after your breakup.

Seongwoo pulled out a little blue box from his pocket and put it on your lap. You looked up and met his eyes. This time, his eyes told you that he felt nervous. You slowly opened the box, a silver bracelet that you had always wanted was inside. You turned to Seongwoo, feeling your eyes brimmed with tears. You remembered seeing that bracelet during your last date with Seongwoo, just an hour before he destroyed your heart and everything inside.

“I’m sorry,” he broke the silence. “I didn’t break up with you because I stopped loving you. I never did.”

“What the fuck, Ong Seongwoo,” you snapped. “Don’t play with me. You clearly said that you couldn’t imagine yourself being with me anymore. You said that you felt nothing when you were with me, now you’re saying that you’re still in love with me?”

“Yes,” he answered. “Yes, I said those things. Yes, I wanted us to be over. But I lied. I was afraid.” You frowned at his last sentence. Afraid? You were never a romantic, but you always believed that as long as you two were together, things would eventually be okay. There would be bad days, there would be disastrous days, but you would be able to go through them. Because you were you, because Seongwoo was Seongwoo. Because you had each other.

“You got a job before I did, and at that time, I didn’t know whether I would get one before we graduated. You know I took a semester off after my father passed away. I took part-time jobs instead of doing internships. No company wanted to hire me because of that,” he confessed. “I really, really wanted to make you happy. I want you to be proud of me, and I just couldn’t tell you how little I felt compared to other people.”

“But then I realized I was just ashamed of myself. It was me, my stupid pride, that made you suffer. And I’m sorry. I know you’re disappointed in me, but give me a chance to try again. Only if you want to,” Seongwoo concluded while reaching out to envelope your hand with his. He tightened his grip on your hand when you didn’t resist, his eyes piercing straight through your heart.

“You really know how to mess up with my heart, Seongwoo,” you said as you lifted the bracelet he gave you. It had the word “hope” carved on its inner side, and that was why you fell in love with it at the first place. Seongwoo glanced at you as he slowly took the bracelet from you. You watched him fasten the clasp on your wrist, and you honestly didn’t know whether you wanted to thank him for being honest with you or yell at him for hurting you.

You were still trying to sort out your feelings when your phone rang. It was Daniel, probably wanting to tell you that your parents were looking for you. “Come on,” Seongwoo stood up, his hand was still holding yours. “We’ll talk again later. I’m sure you still need time.” You nodded and followed him, staring at your intertwined hands.

“Seongwoo,” you called him. He turned back, and you couldn’t help but feel breathless. You knew how much he suffered, how much he wanted to be strong for both of you. He failed once, but you knew how much he wanted to try again.

You circled your hands around his waist, burying your head in his chest. “Y/N, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” he muttered into your hair, his hands hugging you so tight. You nodded, letting his warmth that you had missed conquer your senses. You loved him, and maybe he loved you too.

“I love you,” he whispered as if hearing your doubts. He repeated those three words again and again and again until his voice cracked. “I won’t give up on you. I’ll work hard. I’m sorry if you think I did. I love you,” he said while letting you go. He grabbed your face with his strong hands, brushing your bangs in the way that always made you weak on the knees. “I really want to kiss you right now, but if I do I don’t know when I’ll stop,” Seongwoo murmured, his fingers tracing your lips softly.

You only chuckled, pulling him closer to close the gap between you. As you felt his soft lips against yours, you promised yourself that you wouldn’t run away from any kind of challenge that the two of you could possibly face in the future. Seongwoo gave you his brightest smile when he pulled away. “Anyways, I’ve bought that bracelet even before you saw it. I planned to give it to you as your graduation present,” he said, before adding, “You’re my hope.”

You cringed at his words, but he knew you loved it anyways.

-

Hey guys! I hope you like my first attempt of writing scenarios! Feel free to request, and I’ll try to finish it as well as I can. Thank you!

[wanna1studio]

REQUESTED: our times // ong seongwoo // part 1

genre: fluff // angst 

ficstyle: bulletpoints

summary:  “ ong seong woo as your prank mate “ was inspired by the Taiwanese movie “OUR TIMES” just with my own twist 

note: since this is inspired by the film; prepare for a part 2 and some tissues

bet. you were the most unluckiest girl in the world 

you always had puddles from what’s left of the rain splash you as cars pass 

you tripped on flat ground me 24/7 

your love life was non-existent why am I describing myself lmao 

you never cared for you appearance either regardless you were happy

all you needed was BTS; you loved BTS you bought everything BTS because they were your idol

so anyways, there was a complete shift in your life you were on your way from school when you scrummage in your bag for your headphones and found a letter

it was an anonymous letter addressed to you

IF YOU DO NOT PASS THIS ON TO 1 OTHER PERSON, YOU WILL DIE 

fuck

you didn’t want to die; you haven’t even gone to a BTS concert yet

maybe you should write something on the letter so that there wouldn’t be any confusion for the next person

you saw a guy on his bike so you put the letter in his cup holder side of his backpack at this point you were panicking because you didn’t want to cause anyone harm but you didn’t wanna die

then a car approached you guys

THIS WAS WAYYY TOO SOON

maybe the curse had already affect you

CRASH

huh? you were unharmed

instead the guy with the bike crashing into the car and he was on the ground

YOU WERE IN SHOCKED before you could try to see if he was okay, he got up

“WATCH WHERE YOU’RE FUCKING GOING!!”

a bunch of guys with their bikes ran towards the screaming dude

they were your school’s bunch of delinquents

“BOSS ARE YOU OKAY?!”

at this point you ran because you were gonna be late for school and you didn’t want him to find out it was you

“sorrysorrysorry,” you chanted as you ran away

the bells chimed as you sat in your seat; wheezing because you couldn’t run to save your life but hey, you’re here

“y/n! are you okay?” your two friends, Ai and Mina 

before you could answer, you saw Daniel look over at you

Daniel, Kang Daniel. was the most popular guy at school. He was good at everything; everybody loved him even the teachers! 

You were determined that it was impossible to marry anyone from BTS but Daniel was a closer choice

he smiled at you

you hastily looked away “I-I a-am FINE!”

“girl ok chill drink some water”

someone else entered the class, it was the guy that crashed into the car this morning

he was play fighting his way to his seat

WAIT YOU DIDN’T KNOW THAT SEONGWOO WAS IN YOUR CLASS

everyone looked at him and his friends

“don’t give us shit just because we were in F Class, new system, new classes” he announced

apparently there was a new dean at your school, F Class will not be in action at this school since all of F Class were delinquents

it seems like the new dean is trying to get rid of the “bad kids” and make the school more strict, all of F Class will be placed in other classes and if they don’t pass their classes, they will be expelled

you felt bad for them but what could be done?

you saw Seongwoo take out his books from his bag and found the letter

OH SHIT YOU FORGOT ABOUT THAT

“ooohhh Seongwoo’s got a love letter!! maybe it’s from Somi” (the most loved girl in the school; female version of Daniel) 

Seongwoo just smirked as he pulled the letter out of the envelop

you saw his smirk fall into a frown, he examined the letter and the envelop

OF COURSE YOUR DUMBASS WOULD PASS ON THE LETTER WITH YOUR NAME ON THE ENVELOP

you tried to sneak out of the classroom

someone headlocked you as they guided you out the classroom

“y/n right?? let’s go” 

as you felt the person released you, you saw Seongwoo sitting on a lounge chair

 you tried to exit the room but his friends Guanlin and Jihoon blocked the door from the other side

“y/n care to explain this letter?” Seongwoo waved the letter in the air

“u-um I.. it wasn’t me..”

he scoffed “you think I’m stupid? I saw you put this in my bag and at that moment, I crashed into a car. ALMOST FUCKING DIED!”

you flinched at the tone of his voice

“so.. you know what you’re gonna do for me?” 

he got up from his seat and made his way to you

you immediately covered your body

“YOU PERV”

he gave you a confused look and hit you in the head with the letter

“you look like a mangled dog, no thanks” 

although you sighed in relief, he put his arm over your head against the wall, “you’re gonna be my personal slave, or I will hand this letter to Daniel” 

“I’LL DO IT JUST DON’T... wait... how do you know about me liking Daniel?”

“oh that was just a guess, BUT NOW I KNOW”

you felt deceived

“but um... maybe I could help you with Daniel.. if you help me with Somi..”

surprised, you felt your jaw fall to the ground

Seongwoo tapped your jaw “What?! I’m not a robot, I fall in love too, idiot.”

“okay deal” 

you wished you would die instead because Seongwoo makes you run EVERYTIME, EVERYWHERE haha see what I did there 

he’d make you sit down so he could tutor you because he got better score than you on the exams

make you go to the arcade with him, knowing that you would lose at every game

you bought him melon bread, honey butter chips and banana milk, every break you got

it was hell but maybe he did that so that you could see Daniel all the time, since Daniel works at the student store?

NAH, Seongwoo wasn’t that nice, he just wanted snacks

you ran to Seongwoo, out of breathe and before you could set the snacks down, he grabbed your wrist and dashed out

“DUDE I AM TIRED AF WTH WE GOT CLASS” you tried to push up your glasses every .5 seconds

he stopped outside the school, in front of the wall surrounding the school

“I don’t wanna go to class, let’s skip”

this boy

“I DON’T WANT TO SK-”

he placed you into a headlock

“WHO ARE YOU? SEONGWOO’S SLAVE REMEMBER?”

you glared at him through the rims of your glasses

“i hate you”

he smiled and tried to push you over the wall

“Y/N WHY ARE YOU SO SMALL BUT SO FAT”

“LEAVE MY FATASS ALONE SEONGWOO”

you guys ended up going to a bookstore where they sell cd albums and artist merch

“SEONGWOO LOOK AT THIS!” 

you held up a Park Jimin my bias plushy

“is he your favorite?”

you nodded, “but I love BTS as a whole”

knowing that you spent all your allowance on his ass, you placed the plushy back down and walked around the store

Seongwoo held your wrist

“y/n, thanks for these past few weeks, you’ve made it really fun. lemme repay you with a new look”

you were confused but once again, you were dragged against your will and into a salon

Seongwoo had a proud face 

“this is my sister, she’s a stylist,a good one too, she’ll make you look good for Daniel”

“EXCUS-” 

he already left 

MONDAY (you guys skipped class on Friday)

you came to school and you felt weird

it’s been years since you actually had a haircut from the salon, you usually just hack it out of your face

Seongwoo’s sister made you get contacts too, it felt weird

everyone was looking at you as you walked onto school property

FUCK I KNEW I LOOKED WEIRD 

out of all the faces, you saw Seongwoo in the student store

“SEONGWOO!!”

he turned to look at you, and he was in shocked, everyone was

you’d changed into a bright-eyed young lady

before you looked like a stray dog with glasses making you look 10x gloomier

but you were always smiley, you were always the same

as you dashed towards the store, you saw Somi and Daniel sitting together 

“y/n?” Daniel called out to you

“yes?”

“wow. you look different. you look pretty” he scratched the back of his head and looked at his feet

you saw him wearing a cast on his wrist

“what happened?” you pointed to his cast

“he injured it while b-boying” Somi responded with a sweet smile

“oh okay.. I hope it’ll be okay”

you rushed in the store, your face was burning hot

tbh that was the longest you’d ever talk with Daniel, that was the first time he ever called you by your name

Seongwoo gave you the popsicle that you’d usually share with people

“here’s your chance”

he gave you a reassuring shove out the doors of the store and smiled

you smiled back and gave the popsicle to Daniel so that he could ice his injury

Seongwoo turned around from the scene before you could look back to thank him

although you were talking to Daniel, you thought of Seongwoo, how much you wanted to thank him for everything

this was your turn to help him

“Ong Seongwoo!”

everyone turned to see what was going on

“you’ve skipped school for 3 days now, 3 strikes and you’re out. Come with me to my office, Y/N you too!”

before you could say anything, Daniel stepped in

“Y/n went to the hospital with me when I hurt my wrist. I’m sorry for not adding that into my leave-note”

why would Daniel lie for you?

“Seongwoo helped clean up the mess from the art room with me as well!” Somi spoke for Seongwoo

what was going on?

you thought, ah this is the chance for Seongwoo to talk to someone he liked for so long

TO BE CONTINUED

[piink-sakura]

A-Z Tag Game

Rules: Answer the questions in a new post and tag 10 blogs you would like to get to know better

The lovely @lovemyselfloveyourself tagged me THANK YOU💕 i know i‘m so late i‘m so sorry🙈

Age: 21

Birthplace: Germany

Current time: 5:25pm

Drink you last had: Blueberry-Coconut tea (it‘s the tea of the year 2017 according to Meßmer and it smelled delicious in the store that‘s why I bought it but it doesn‘t taste like blueberry or coconut at all it‘s just sour and yes I‘m very disappointed I love good tea I had very high expectations I‘m sad I‘m gonna stop this tea rant now)

Easiest person to talk to: my two best friends

Favourite song: right now it‘s Pied Piper

Grossest memory: one time in chemistry class (I think it was 8th or 9th grade) our teacher (he was one of those 'cool' teachers all students liked, I liked him too he was chill and funny) talked about stink bombs etc and then he went to get something. Turned out he grabbed the small container with butanoic acid and opened it and holy crap that shit is so stinky I hope you’ll never come in contact with it omg just remembering it gives me chills. The rest of the day the whole floor was stinky

Hogwarts house: according to Pottermore I’m a Gryffindor

In love?: with Kim Taehyung and my bed

Jealous of people: I’m jelly of people who can speak Japanese or Korean (or both) and who travel a lot. But the good kind of jealousy^^

Killed someone: even if I did I wouldn‘t tell you~

Love at first sight or should i walk by again: first sight

Middle name: I don‘t have one

Number of siblings: none, I‘m an only child

One wish: everyone staying healthy

Person you called last: my mum

Question you are always asked: "Are you Chinese?", "Can you say XY in Chinese?"

Reason to smile: BTS and puppies

Song you sang last: I can‘t really remember cause I don‘t really sing but I guess it was Serendipidy..? Although I don‘t know the lyrics it was more like humming along^^

Time you woke up: 8:30am, before my alarm clock went off (8:45am) I‘m proud of myself

Underwear colour: you naughty 😏

Vacation destination: Japan or South Korea

Worst habit: I‘m a full time procrastinator and I hate it

X-rays: don‘t think I ever had one🤔

Your favourite food: I LOVE POTATOES but right know I‘m really craving Korean

Zodiac sign: Virgo♍️

I‘m tagging @je0n @imsorandom20-blog @mvssmedia @got7europe @hanayoritae and everyone who wanna do it and of course only if you want to!🌸

[gldngrl7]

Karamel Fic: Permission to Flourish (2/11)

Title: Permission to Flourish

Author: gldngrl7

Date Started: February 12, 2017

Rated: T

           Oh, she don't see the light that's shining

                 Deeper than the eyes can find it

                          Maybe we have made her blind

           So she tries to cover up her pain and cut her woes away

                   'Cause cover girls don't cry after their face is made

          Alessia Cara – ‘Scars to Your Beautiful

  Chapter 2/11

  “We’re not going to get anything out of him…her…it,” Kara cringed, resigning herself to an evening wasted on interrogation.

“Give me five minutes alone with him,” rasped the stone-gravel voice of the Batman as they closed the door of the DEO conference room.  “I’ll get it out of him.”

Supergirl pinned The Dark Knight with a glare, crossing her arms at her chest, her body language speaking volumes about her feelings on the notion of torturing any sentient being.  Torturing this one made it that much easier to torture the next, and the next one might be more ally than foe.  But, despite the company he kept and the allies he’d made, Bruce Wayne was notoriously wary of aliens – of all kinds.

“I think we can all agree that this was just a small incursion looking to secure a beachhead for full scale invasion,” Bruce continued.  “It’s safe to say we can expect an invasion force…and soon.  We need numbers.”

“We’re not getting anything from this one,” Martian Manhunter pointed out.  Involuntarily, Bruce took a step away from J’onn.  Aliens like Clark, Matthews and Kara were one thing, but it was difficult to get accustomed to the Green Martian.

Reading Wayne’s discomfort clear as day, right there on the surface of his mind, the Martian shape-shifted back into his Hank Henshaw persona.

“How can you even know with the gibberish it was spouting?” Bruce grumbled, toying with the flechettes built into the wrist of his gadget-heavy suit.

 “Gideon, the AI on board the Waverider, provided us with an audio translation program.  Winn’s been back at the CIC doing simultaneous translation,” J’onn informed him.

“Guess I was out of the loop,” he seethed.  His steel-blue eyes reminded her of Mon-El’s, except instead of the soft affection she dreamed of seeing, she saw only hard chips of ice with pinpoint pupils like laser beams.

“It’s not my fault you were late!” she defended. She flinched away from the unrelenting bore of his stare.  She hated the idea of Mon-El becoming anything like this unbreakable, broken man. Feared that her actions so long ago now, did just that.

“Well, maybe if I’d been given a heads-up!  How long did you know this was coming?” Bruce turned his well-honed and ruthless interrogation tactics upon her.  He was a man without fear of reprisals, even from those far stronger and more powerful than he.  “You had enough time to gather your little league of superheroes from other dimensions.”

“Parallel Earths,” she corrected.  “Dimensions are a whole different….never mind,” she waved away her babbling explanation.  Discomfited by the Batman’s intense stare and prosecutorial tone, she crossed her arms over her chest as though to protect herself.   Confused by why the blatant sneer beneath his black bat cowl was directly focused upon her, she gathered her courage, dropped her arms and stepped directly into his personal space, nose to nose with him.  “What is your problem?” she demanded.

Bruce Wayne reached up and tore off the Kevlar cowl designed to strike fear into the hearts of criminals.  Unashamed, he revealed his true face to her, the crow’s feet gathered around his cold blue eyes, and the streaks of silver in once mahogany hair; because what he had to say, should be spoken between people and not personas. He breathed deeply, expelling the air in his lungs with barely concealed rage.  “I don’t like people who hurt my friends.”

His fierce expression dared her to deny it, but all she could do was drop her arms in defeat.  She’d known instantly of whom he’d been speaking.  Clark and Bruce were friends, after a fashion, so it made sense that The Dark Knight would have become allied with Valor.  She’d even seen news footage of them stopping a terrorist attack on the Liberty Bell in Philadelphia.   If the definition of ‘seeing’ the footage was expanded to mean watching it over and over every day for three weeks, examining it for every detail and drinking in the sight of him as though he were a tall glass of ice water in the middle of endless Kaldarvian desert.  

Kara recalled how proud she’d been of Mon-El for what he’d done that day – and every day afterward.

One hand went to grasp at the glyph over her heart, the broken instrument that had never quite ticked the same after Mon-El left, or with the same passion.  More than anything, she wanted to don her glasses to hide the emotions his accusation brought to the fore.  Like Bruce Wayne, she was unbreakable and broken.  Pleading eyes turned to J’onn.

“I’ll be outside if I’m needed,” he said, as though he could read her mind, and ducked quickly out of the room.  For a moment, she breathed a sigh a relief that, for once, her weakness would go unwitnessed by the man she thought of as a father figure.

Seeing a chink in her emotional armor, Bruce went for the coup de grace.  “Furthermore, it strikes me as hypocritical that a woman so unwilling to torture a hostile, didn’t hesitate to destroy a man she called ally with so little effort…and even less remorse.”  His comment cut her to the quick as though each word were constructed of razor sharp Kryptonite.

Her eyes fill with tears, and the air caught in her lungs.  “Re-re-remorse?” she stuttered.  “H-how dare you?  You think I don’t regret the things I said that day?  That I don’t regret the stupid girl I was?  So afraid of someone showing me any real affection that I pushed away the one man who ever loved me for me?  You think I don’t regret?” Her eyes flared white-hot for a moment before shifting back to the steady cornflower blue.  “I assure, Mr. Wayne, I am nothing but remorse.”

Kara dropped into one of the chairs at the table, wiping at the tears streaming down her face, all the fight having left her. Bruce Wayne, seeing her true face for the first time, no longer saw a heartless bitch he’d imagined when he’d heard the story, too full of herself to care.  Instead he saw a heartbroken little girl, dying on the inside.  The boiling rage he carried on Matthews’ behalf dropped to a simmer at her genuine tears, and the sight of her fingers worrying her red cape between them, like a little girl clinging to a security blanket.

A crisp white handkerchief appeared in front of her face.  How many things did he have hidden in that suit?  She accepted the handkerchief gingerly, as though it came with ulterior motives attached.  “I didn’t mean tho-ose things I said,” she explained, with a hiccough.  “I was scared and everythi-ing I said just came out…wro-ong.  And it was like…I couldn’t stop it!  He scared me,” she confessed.

“I’ve known Matthews a long time,” Bruce said, crossing his arms.  “Longer than you now,” he realized as he said it.  “And he is about as scary as a fluffy bunny.   There’s not a mean bone in his body.  Even Clark gets angry from time to time, and clearly so do you…but not him, not really. And believe me…I’ve tried to stir it up in him.  He doesn’t even get angry at the criminals.  He just cracks a joke—usually about the marital status of their parents—and then hands them over to the police, like he’s sending kids off to the principal’s office.”

Wayne’s words, though delivered with a comforting voice, or his version of it anyway, did not comfort.  Instead, they served to enflame the grief inside of her.  Grief that, rather than fading over the years, had only grown stronger.  “All I wanted was time,” she wept, wiping at her tears with the Batman’s handkerchief. “To figure out what I wanted.  I thought I couldn’t be Supergirl and have a relationship, but just when I started to feel like I had a handle on Supergirl, everything began to spin out of control again.  My sister was slipping away, my best friends were going behind my back to create Guardian, and I knew Mon-El was holding something back from me. I didn’t know who to trust.”

“You could have left it alone,” Bruce said calmly. “He said his piece and walked away. You could have left it alone.”

“It was so awkward!” she exclaimed.  Standing up from her chair, she wrapped her cape around her like a protective shield.  “I just wanted to make it…less awkward.”

“Well done,” he deadpanned.

“I never said I was good at it!  At any of it!  I’ve never been in a relationship before.  Not one that lasted more than five minutes, anyway.  You have no idea what it’s like to live your whole life with a secret—not like this.  Mon-El was the first man who never knew anything but me…just as I am.  He knew all the parts of me, and in that moment, nothing in the world was more terrifying than that.  And what’s worse was that…I felt like…I didn’t know him at all.”

“Because you were too caught up in your differences, instead of all the things that made you alike,” Bruce allowed.

“Right!  But Alex helped me see.”

“See what?” Bruce sweeps his cape aside in a gesture far grander than he had intended, before taking a seat in the chair opposite to hers, ready to hear her side of the story.

“She made me see that I was just pushing him away because I was scared of being hurt.  Scared of being bad at it.  Because I did feel the same way, I was just too much of a coward to admit it, even to myself.  And when I did admit it, I wanted to tell him…tell him…that I had been an idiot. A blind idiot.  I had been so locked into my view of who I thought he was supposed to be that I blinded myself to who he actually became.  He stopped drinking, worked really hard at his job, kept helping people even though I had stopped training him….”

“Went to college and got an education,” Bruce added, providing her with a tantalizing glimpse of Mon-El’s last six years.

Kara’s head snapped around to look at him, she dropped back into her chair, focusing her intense gaze on Bruce.  “Really?” she asked, grateful for this tiny piece of information.  “He did?”

“University of Metropolis,” Bruce confirmed with a nod. “School during the day, tending bar at night.  He helped Clark when he could, and did his homework behind the bar on slow nights. Summer school, too.  Got his four year degree in three by keeping his eyes on the prize.”

For some reason this knowledge, these golden nuggets of information, sent tears rolling down her face again.  “Please,” she pleaded softly, “Tell me?”

Bruce drummed his fingers on the conference room table and worried his lower lip between his teeth, an action that seemed wholly unlike The Dark Knight.  Coming to a decision, he shook his head slightly and Kara’s heart dropped into her stomach.  “Matthews made Clark promise not to reveal details of his life to you.”

“I know!” she sighed, tears tracking down her cheeks. “But I don’t understand why.”

“He said…he hoped that if you weren’t getting any information that eventually you’d stop asking and your life could go back to the way it was before he arrived.  He wanted it to be like you’d never met.  He said he wanted to give that to you.”

“But that’s not what I wanted.  I never wanted that!”  Kara bent over and placed her head on her knees, the ache in her heart so intense she wanted to curl into a ball.

“He said your life as Supergirl had many burdens, and he was done being one of them.”

“Burden?” she asked, horrified by the word.  “He was never a burden.”

“He crash landed on this planet and crowded you. He took your time, tested your patience, and disappointed you at every opportunity.  He said it made him happy to give you back to the space he took from you the night his pod crashed.  Personally, I think that’s a load of bullshit, about it making him happy, I mean.”

Clinging to a tiny shred of hope, she begged, “Please, I need to see him.  You can talk to him…get him to understand.”

Bruce shakes his head again.  “He thinks he’s doing what’s best for you, and if you truly knew him…even a little bit…then you’d know that—“

“He’s always going to do what he thinks is best for me,” Kara finished.  “But don’t I get a choice?” she countered.  “He imagines me happy and that my life went back to the way it was before he arrived, but that isn’t true—none of that is true.  And after all this time...there’s no reason to think it ever will be.  What about my choice in all of this, Mr. Wayne?”

Drumming his fingers on the table again, Kara clearly saw the conflict warring in Wayne’s eyes.  “He said you always had to have the last word.”

Kara groaned, frustrated and heartbroken over her lack of progress.  After six years, most people would give up, to be sure.  For the first year she could get nothing, not even with Winn’s help, because Mon-El had taken pains to go off the grid.  No bank account, no phone, no permanent address; only a PO Box in Metropolis, where the DEO sent his stipend checks.  But even after a few months he stopped cashing those.

Clark provided monthly updates to the DEO, but those were disturbingly lacking in detail, and after Valor made his official debut alongside Superman, the updates stopped altogether.  When his official, suited debut came, Kara was shocked to discover that Valor apparently had all the abilities of Superman and herself. Suddenly, he could fly, and there was heat vision as well as arctic breath.  Somehow, Clark’s training had drawn all of those latent abilities out of him, making him a hero in a way she never could – had never really tried.

Just another reminder of all the ways she had failed him.

She had underestimated him in a hundred different ways, by allowing herself to see only Mon-El’s surface potential.  In the beginning, she had wanted him to be a hero because she believed it fulfilled her destiny to make him so, and not because it might have been his.  Clark had not been blinded by such ego; he had seen only a lost man in need of guidance.  If only her eyes had been opened sooner.

Such had been a recurring theme in her life for the last six years since his departure.  If only….

Resigned to the knowledge that Bruce Wayne will never divulge the information she needed to hear, Kara leaned back in her chair, her entire aura pulsing with misery.  “Every morning when I get to work, I sit at my computer and check the Philadelphia Inquirer for any news on Valor,” she confessed.  “Every day…usually more than once.  After the first year J’onn ordered Winn to stop helping me run internet searches on his alias.  Said he deserved to be left in peace.  Winn seemed to be relieved.  There was a job opening at the Inquirer for a reporter so I sent them my resume last year. ‘Thank you for your interest, Ms. Danvers, but your skillset doesn’t match our needs at this time.’  They were looking for someone who could report on mergers and acquisitions, movements in the stock market and that sort of thing…not my specialty, but I figured what the heck, right?”

“You would have left National City?” Bruce gaped, his mind spinning at this revelation.

“Leave National City?” she scoffed, bitterly. “I’d be tempted to leave the suit behind if he asked, retire her for good if it meant earning his forgiveness.”

“He would never ask of that of you,” Bruce replied, his voice nothing but confidence.  “It’s not his way.”

Kara smiled for the first time since Bruce had met her.  Not the sunshine smile that Matthews spoke of with such reverence, but a small half smile, an upward tick of her mouth.  “I know that…now,” she said, sentimentally, as though recalling a long ago memory. “It’s one of the things I love about him.”

“So you do love him?”

“Oh yes,” she sighed.  “Although, after all this time, I do wonder if it’s him I love…or just the memory of him.  The strange thing is that I didn’t see him clearly before he left, but now…it’s like I see him in my mind with fresh eyes—see him with my heart.  The way I always should have seen him.  I just don’t know if that’s…true.  Or if it’s just the romantic dreams a silly little girl.”

“I doubt he’s the same man you remember,” Wayne said. “He’s thoughtful, quiet around new people – withdrawn even.  He seems most comfortable with children.  Says they don’t judge and they love without prejudice.”

It stings, the implication that her prejudices so changed him on a fundamental level, but her heart somersaulted at the image Wayne provided anyway.  Kara gave him a full smile, though it didn’t reach her eyes.  ‘Comets’, he’d heard Matthews refer to them – but he just didn’t see it.  “I never would have imagined that,” Kara said.  “Mon-El around children.  He always seemed like a….” the smile slipped from Kara’s face and she chuckled, sadly. “I was going to say ‘bad influence’, but he was never that, was he?” she asked herself more than the man sitting in front of her.  “He was only ever just trying to find his way.”

A knock on the door preceded Clark’s entry into the room, his hands shoved deeply into the pockets of his khaki slacks, his bespectacled blue eyes saying everything with his sadness.

“Clark?” she greeted, a hint of a question in her tone. Bruce spun his chair in Clark’s direction to face him.

“I’m sorry, Kara,” he answered, shaking his head. “I tried to get him to stay.  I really did.”

Her throat tightened again, but this time she fought against the gathering tears.  For some reason it was easier to show her emotion to Bruce Wayne, a virtual stranger, than it was to lay herself bare before her own flesh and blood.  “I know,” she told her cousin.  “I know you tried.” Clark approached her and pulled her into a hug, which did nothing to bolster the tenuous strength with which she clung to her emotional control.  “I won’t…I won’t ask about him again, okay?  I know that puts you in an impossible position.”   A single tear slipped down her check, but she swiped at quickly, not wanting to make Clark feel any more torn between them than he already did.

“I didn’t know when I made that promise to him that it would go on this long.  I thought you’d at least find a way to be…friends.”

“I don’t think that’s what either of us wanted.” She blew out a deep breath as she wrangled her control.  ‘Friends’. It was such a lukewarm word, so unequal to the depth of feeling she swam in with every thought of him.

“But it would be something, at least.”

“Would you have been satisfied to be ‘just friends’ with Lois?” she asked, truly wondering if such a thing was possible, or acceptable.  Would it be easier to put Mon-El behind her, to put him on a shelf somewhere like a project that never got completed, or settle for a tepid life as friends? Always wondering, but never daring to cross that line.  She believed that putting him on that shelf might be far kinder to the both of them.

“We tried friends,” Clark said, seeing her dilemma clearly.  “It didn’t work out.”

“I wish things would ‘not work out’ for me and Mon-El the way they didn’t work out for you and Lois,” she shrugged, attempting a smile but failing miserably.

“I’m sorry, Kara.  I truly am.”

“No one’s sorrier than I am,” she replied.  Like a thousand times before she wished she had just grabbed him that night in her apartment when he confessed his feelings to her.  Grabbed him and kissed him until their skin created sparks.  But wishing to turn back time never solved anything – if the last six years had taught her anything, they had taught her that.  “J’onn once told me that I made my choice and that I should own it.  Maybe it’s time I start doing that.”

Kara offered Bruce his handkerchief back, but he waved her off telling her to keep it.  

“Where are you going?” Clark asked.

“I think everything is well in hand here,” she replied stiffly.  “I think I’ll just head home and get some rest.  It’s been a long few days.”  It was an excuse and everyone in the room knew it. Kryptonians didn’t get tired, not without employing Herculean effort, but they did get emotionally weary and Kara was showing clear wear and tear around the edges.

Alex caught her on her way out of the building and by the look her sister’s face, Kara knew that Clark had briefed her before coming to the conference room.  “I heard,” was all she said.

“I’m okay,” Kara nodded, lying just a little.

“Do you want me to come home with you?  We can have a slumber party, like old times,” she suggested, a forced smile on her face.  Alex didn’t like the idea of her sister going home to an empty apartment – not in this state.

“No,” Kara shook her head quickly.  “I think I just need to be alone right now.”  Better to get used to it, she told herself.

“Okay,” Alex agreed.  The pity shone so bright in Alex’s eyes that Kara was forced to turn away from the glare of it.  “If you change your mind.…”

At the top floor exit—the exit created specifically for her to come and go—her feet rose from the ground.  “I know,” she said to her sister as she hovered in the air. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

She was home in less than a minute, slipping into the fourth floor window of her living room she always left unlatched.  In the shower she cried until the water ran cold before stepping out and struggling into a nightshirt.

Wearily, she climbed into bed and pulled the covers over her head, her blinking eyelids like sandpaper to her sensitive, overwrought eyes.  Exhaustion dragged her down to sleep almost as soon as her head hit the pillow.

 TBC