#cause I think I need to just sleep this off cause nothing makes sense anymore today

[mcflymemes]

THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT - THE ANTHOLOGY BY TAYLOR SWIFT PROMPT LIST *  assorted lyrics from the album, some lines slightly adapted for meme purposes but feel free to adjust as necessary

even if it's handcuffed, i'm leaving here with you.

trust me. i can handle a dangerous man.

i love you. it's ruining my life.

does it feel all right to not know me?

i am who i am 'cause you trained me.

quick. tell me something awful.

i loved you the way that you were.

we were just kids, babe.

i can fix him.

you and i go from one kiss to getting married.

you said i'm the love of your life.

way up there, i actually love it.

i just don't understand how you don't miss me.

do you hate me?

did you think i had it in me?

what if i told you i'm back?

i still miss the smoke.

i'm not trying to exaggerate, but i think i might die if it happened.

you look like stevie nicks.

it's hell on earth to be heavenly.

i still can't believe it.

this happens once every few lifetimes.

didn't you hear? they called it all off.

it's happening again.

my friends say it isn't right to be scared.

i might just die.

fuck you if i can't have us.

tell me about the first time you saw me.

are you gonna marry, kiss, or kill me?

no one's ever had me... not like you.

stay away from her.

there wouldn't be this if there hadn't been you.

i don't think you've changed much.

that's where i was when i lost it all.

life was always easier on you than it was on me.

i hoped you'd return.

do you believe me now?

what if your eyes looked up and met mine one more time?

what are the chances you'd be downtown?

is it something i did?

oh, we must stop meeting like this.

they say what doesn't kill you makes you aware.

i'm not a donor, but i'd give you my heart if you needed it.

looking backwards might be the only way to move forwards.

the story isn't mine anymore.

what a charming saturday!

none of it is changing.

wild winds are death to the candle.

one bad seed kills the garden.

i'm bitter, but i swear i'm fine.

this place made me feel worthless.

i didn't want to come down.

everything had been above board.

blood's thick, but nothing like a payroll.

you can mark my words that i said it first.

the professor said to write what you know.

all of this to say, i hope you're okay.

your words are still just ringing in my head.

i built a legacy which you can't undo.

who do i have to speak to to change the prophecy?

the effects were temporary.

no, i'm not coming to my senses.

babe, you gotta fake it 'til you make it.

you know you're good when you can even do it with a broken heart.

i guess a lesser woman would've lost hope.

thought of calling you, but you won't pick up.

you're a professional.

long may you reign.

you're an animal. you are bloodthirsty.

now i seem to be scared to go outside.

i don't believe in good luck.

i hate it here.

if i'd been there, i'd hate it.

only the gentle survived.

i'm lonely, but i'm good.

you have no room in your dreams for regrets.

i thought it was just goodbye for now.

are you still a mind reader?

let it once be me.

i haven't decided yet.

i still dream of him.

i'm so afraid i sealed my fate.

it was always the same searing pain.

i can't forgive the way you made me feel.

it wasn't a fair fight or a clean kill.

she used to say she wished that you were dead.

tell me all your secrets.

they tried to warn you about me.

you're in terrible danger.

i'm the life you chose.

yes, i'm haunted, but i'm feeling just fine.

no one asks any questions here.

tell me i'm despicable. say it's unforgivable.

i'm running back home to you.

you should see your faces.

you knew the price going in.

was any of it true?

who the fuck was that guy?

i don't ever want you back.

did you sleep with a gun underneath our bed?

you don't get to tell me you feel bad.

you wouldn't last an hour in the asylum where they raised me.

am i allowed to cry?

there's no such thing as bad thoughts. only your actions talk.

they're going to crucify me anyway.

i know i'm just repeating myself.

that's the closest i've come to my heart exploding.

[crsssie]

'cause now I'm scared to love the thought of you the way you did with me

word count: 10.6k

summary: love, you know. you, simon knows.

The first time Simon ever met you, he had the aching feeling that he knew you already.

No, not the sense of deja vu you get in snippets throughout your life. He felt the strange sense that he had known you all his life and had done something to wrong you somehow. He's four. Four-year-olds should not know that feeling. Especially not the sense that somehow, he had broken your heart or betrayed you. He's never met you before — that much, he's certain. He'd know. You're his age, so it's not like this feeling can be from knowing you as an infant. He doesn't remember that far back.

You wave at him, grinning as you pull him off with his brother to hang out as your parents talk to his mom, and you show him what it means to play.

When he leaves later, you ask him if you're friends.

He gives you a blank stare.

You end up in his class later that year, his next-door neighbour and companion, walking home with him from primary school, asking him if he understood anything in class. You're not as bright as he is, Simon thinks. You struggle a little more with certain concepts, and you argue with the teachers over ways to do certain things. A contradiction of everything, he thinks. He mulls over what you are and what you are not. How do you feel simultaneously like a fifty-year-old and a five-year-old at the same time?

He tugs on you sometimes to calm you down.

"Stop it."

"But it's—"

He gives you a look and you huff.

Simon likes sticking by your place, but he also doesn't enjoy it.

When he goes home, dad beats him because he was with you again.

Can' have them findin' out abou' what I do. y' hear me?

The purple is hard to hide around you. You pry too much. You ask too many questions. You tug Tommy around too much and Tommy talks too much. You don't need to know what it's like at home for him. You ask too many questions about why he's wearing a turtleneck when it's already twenty-two degrees outside. You tug at it, offering one of your shirts, but he can't. You don't need to know. You can't know. You shouldn't know. For some reason.

He wants to hide it from you for some reason.

You seem to know anyway, blinking at Simon curiously as you push back his sleeve, staring at the purple.

"You should report him, you know?"

"Ma wouldn't like that."

"So you'd rather be beat? Is it not just a fear factor?"

You don't speak like you're from around there either. You have a mixed accent. Like you've been in an amalgamation of countries and grew up everywhere at once. You don't feel like you're from Manchester. You had moved, sure, but you're young. You seem to be a constant dichotomy between everything and nothing. What does it mean to exist to you? You stare off into nothing the same way his ma does. But time travel doesn't exist or whatever. It's impossible to be sent back in time. All of that is just science fiction.

Pondering. Is that the word?

"What are y' looking at?"

"I'm thinking." You hum, blinking back to life. "That cloud looks like a rabbit."

"No. Looks like a duck."

"Well, now that it's moved." You huff. "That one's a heart."

"That one looks like a dog."

"I don't see it."

"The four legs?"

"Hm."

"'kay, well, that one's a worm."

"See that."

"mhm."

Dad is taken away at one point. Simon returns home to police at his door, hauling his drunken dad out as another officer comforts his mom, and he leads Tommy inside.

"You Simon?"

"Yes ma'am."

"This Tommy?"

"Mhm."

"You won't need to worry about that man anymore."

"Dad." Simon says. "Dad."

"You won't need to worry about him hitting you anymore."

"He makes all the money. Where are we t' go?"

He spots your parents with his ma, and he wonders where you are.

"They said they'll take you all in." The woman tells him.

Your place isn't big enough for all of them.

Yet, when he's brought home to your family, the guest room is set up, yet he finds himself in your room when he can't sleep, staring at you quietly in the dark, watching as you rub your eyes tiredly and scooch over to make space for him.

He still fits in your bed at this point in time.

"Does that make us siblings?" You whisper, getting yourself comfortable as you tangle limbs with him.

Simon wants to say yes. He does. But there's something else he wants, he supposes. He pauses.

"Maybe."

Room for maybe not. Maybe yes.

Maybe it's a cruel joke that he failed to fall asleep with his mother yet knocked right out with you. He's not so lucky as to be able to do it, and he understands that he's a guest so he shouldn't get too comfortable with the host, but you seem to abandon all care and treat him as though you really were siblings. You share everything with him, and he doesn't get why it hurts when you do.

The maybe was a maybe yes to you, maybe.

The maybe was a no to him. It was maybe not.

There's something in his chest that twists uncomfortably when you treat him like a sibling, abandoning all care for it, and he understands that maybe it's what his mother felt when she had been with his father. He doesn't know how long he'll be able to squeeze here with you. Maybe he'll eventually grow to be too big. He knows he will. He's not supposed to be sleeping with you. He sees it in the way your parents shake the both of you awake in the morning with all the concern for you.

It's almost as if he shouldn't be friends with you at all.

Yet, you don't give him the ability to choose, telling your parents that it didn't matter because Simon was like a brother to you.

The concept of siblings should not hurt Simon as much as it does.

He nods along, and you lace your fingers with him and Tommy, telling your parents you're thrilled that you can finally have the brothers you've always wanted.

Your parents let it go and his mom apologizes for the case, but your parents assure her that it's all you and none him.

Simon keeps his fingers laced with you all the way until the two of you get to the classroom.

You don't mind the teasing from the kids, and in turn, Simon doesn't seem to either.

That's how you spend the rest of primary school, tangled limbs with Simon, tugging and dragging him around with you to different things, and he learns to grow comfortable in your presence. The strange sense that he's done something wrong eventually fizzes into nothing that he worries about. The certainty you have in your friendship keeps Simon afloat even when his family eventually moves into a flat nearby.

You hang out at his place after classes, doing homework with him, munching on snacks you bring from the local supermarket on your way back from classes, humming and chewing on the chips as you do homework.

You struggle less than Simon now.

It's like you know.

The strange feeling that you know everything yet nothing lingers despite the guilt leaving. You blink at him quietly and sleep over occasionally, humming quietly as you lay on the mattress on the ground, staring up at nothing.

You do not go through puberty the same way Simon does.

Simon hits a growth spurt in the early years of secondary school — bed suddenly too small, skin stretching out at the alarming pace he was gaining height, and you hold back laughter when he hits his head in the morning and you laugh from the air mattress. He grumbles as he heads off to wash up, and when he returns, you only smile at him like you know something and he doesn't.

He finds you stare at him with a lot more pride than you used to. It's almost like you're his mother staring at him grow up, and it makes him uncomfortable.

You still sleep in the same room as him because you don't seem to think of him as a threat of any kind.

The girls at school start noticing him as well — whispering happening around him of how he's grown so much and how he's "oh suck a looker" because of his height. You've always told him he looked real pretty. "Blond lashes are rare" you'd told him. "makes you look real pretty, Si". He had flushed red at your compliment, but only because it had been you. He had found that it would only be you. Everything you did, intentional or not, had caused more than enough flustered stumbling from him.

He supposes it is just the curse of a teen in love.

You squeeze his bicep when you pass him in between periods, waving bye to him as you're off to the classes you chose and he didn't.

It's in the periods where you're not by him that the girls like to step up to him and giggle, asking if he's free or if he's all alone.

He wonders if he should lie sometimes.

A no warranted a "well would you want to? what about me?" and a yes warranted a "oh surely you jest" so truly, Simon did not have much a choice. He'd prefer it if you just branded him at that point.

Branded.

You brand him?

He understands that whatever he had felt for you in his earlier years was a sense of yearning, and whatever he felt for you in the current years was most likely closer to love than it is a schoolboy crush. He finds it unfair to do that to you, though. You had only ever seemed to see him as a sibling or something adjacent, cheeks warm and lips curled upwards as you head over to his place with him after classes, helping his mom out with cooking if she needed it, heading home only after dark and making sure that Simon walks you there.

He's utterly and completely a fool for you, he finds.

You could tell him to steal the stars in the sky and he'd somehow find a way.

He finds that it's just a curse, maybe. He's stuck with you and he enjoys it because you had met him at four and suddenly everything you ever did became a benefit to him. You knew what he would do good in, and you knew where he could find a job. Everything from start to finish was as if you had preordained it all. Like you had known before the moment the two of you first met. It was as though you knew everything and were intervening. Some kind of angel for him.

"How was class?"

"Was fine."

He's the one who drags you into the store this time, fishing out cash as he hands you a pack of cough drops, raising a brow when you raise a brow at him.

"You're gonna start coughing soon."

"I still have leftovers from last year."

"y'know tha's not the flavor you like."

You hold a hand over your chest, pretending to be moved as he passes by with a ruffle of your hair.

"Si, you do care!"

"Think I didn't?"

"Maybe."

He follows you home to your place tonight. His ma isn't home and Tommy wanted some alone time with his girlfriend, so he settles at your place. It isn't as though he has no other friends. He's hard to approach because of the deadpan look on his face at all times, but he knows others. You worry that he doesn't so to ease the worry, he has other friends. He thinks about it a little. He only seems to care for what you say. It's been a while since his ma's words have worked on him. Though, he still avoids getting in trouble. She doesn't deserve that, and you'd probably give him a hard time if he really did trouble her in any sort of way.

"How was class?"

"Was fine." He sighs, spreading out his books on the table as you scribble away with yours.

How your hand does not fall off from the writing drives Simon up the wall. Writing has never truly been his strong suit — he's much more fit for his part-time job at the butcher's or fixing your parents' old car when they ask him if he knows what to do with it. He's much better with his hands than he is with his mind at times, but it's never stopped you from just breaking everything down into simpler concepts for him.

"Why d'you do it?" He had asked you once.

"Why wouldn't I?" You left the second part of the sentence hanging in the air.

Simon wonders if he could dare to imagine that the second half of the sentence was an "i love you" the same way that he seemed to love you with.

Though, he'd never know.

You beg your parents to let you spend the night with Simon at the turn of the century, the agreement being that he'd spend the night with you, settling on the floor or your room on an air mattress that he most definitely does not fit in, offering him your bed that's too big for you alone when you're sure your parents are knocked out. He finds himself tangling limbs with you once more, staring down at you as you blink up at him under the sheets, blanket covering the two of you as you open a flashlight. He blinks as you stare at him.

"What?"

"Yer really pretty, Si." You hum. "Can I touch you?"

"Ya nasty—"

"Your face." You mumble. "You can say no."

"'s fine." He mumbles, letting your hands map his face gently as he hums, observing as you seem to memorize something. Patterns of his skin. Your eyes gentle from the flashlight as you press your forehead to his. "You look scared."

"I'll live." You whisper, voice shaking.

You fall asleep in his arms that night, and he wakes up to you tucked under his chin snoring.

He doesn't recover from it.

You suggest him to join a military boot camp over summer after secondary since he wasn't planning on university, tilting your head and shrugging when he asks why. Would suit him. Maybe he'd like it. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. He doesn't need to pursue it. Besides, he doesn't have anything to do either.

"Thirteen weeks is a long time, angel."

"Angel? Well, then, maybe you should embrace what this angel's telling you to do."

He goes per your suggestion, and you send him off with his family and yours, grinning as he frowns at you at the doors with his duffle bag, blowing him a kiss as he fights the blush that snakes up his neck. When he emerges for one final look without his hair, you laugh and play with the new cut, humming quietly as you whisper that you'll be waiting for you after his three months.

He lets himself relax into your touch as your families stand to the side, and he whispers quietly asking you for a goodbye kiss as if he were off to war. He expects you to decline, but you press your lips to his forehead, humming as you lean back and admire the print that's been left behind from your chapstick, laugh on your lips as you reach to wipe it off with your thumb, too occupied with cleaning it off to notice the starstruck look on his face as he stares at you.

"Wait f'r me, won't you?"

"How could I not? As long as you send me off when you're back."

"'f course."

"Come back safe to me, Si. I'll miss you."

His body has muscle memory of everything. The boot camp is significantly easier than he thought it'd be. His muscles remember something he does not, maybe. He treks up and does stellar, ending up personally selected by his managing captain, asked if he ever thought about actually joining the military. He'd suit the SAS. He'd be a great addition to the team, even. He'd get all the military benefits and it doesn't seem like it'd be something that would warrant too much stress for him.

He doesn't know.

Despite his body's ability to survive in such harsh conditions, he finds that he doesn't really want to stay in that state of stress.

When he finishes, his captain hands him a number to call if he ever changes his mind, and he finds you in the crowd. He abandons all the military learning he's received in the last three months just to find himself in your arms once more. He barely cares that the friends he's made are whistling at him as he practically swallows you in his frame. You don't mind. He doesn't mind. It's not a problem.

"'m back."

"Welcome home." You laugh, running your hand through his hair as he buries his face into your shoulder.

"'m missed you."

"I missed you too, Si." You hum, peeking past his shoulder as you wave at his friend. "How was camp?"

"Y'wanna tell me why my body seemed to have no struggle with adaptin?"

You look to the side, whistling as he finally lets go of you, reaching over for his mom, humming as she welcomes him back home with Tommy.

"You have explainin' to do." He points at you, and your parents leave the two of you alone to start on dinner for Simon's return, leaving you in his room as you whistle and avoid his gaze, falling back into his bed with a huff and closing your eyes.

"How was bootcamp?"

"You knew. How did you know."

"I know everything, Si." You close your eyes. "Told you I was a fairy when we were kids."

"Yer less of a fairy and more of father time."

"Who knows. Maybe I'm just cursed with knowledge."

"A curse?"

"Or somethin'." You stare up at his ceiling. "How was bootcamp. Really."

"Offered a spot on the SAS."

"You wanna go?"

Simon turns to stare at you, taking a seat by the floor of the bed as he stares at you, and you turn to face him.

"Y' want me to?"

You stare at him, letting the water in your eyes speak for you.

"Oh, angel. don' cry." He whispers, hand reaching to brush the tears as he frowns. "I wasn' planning to."

"You can go." You mumble. "It's fine. I'm just scared."

"You? Scared?" He pinches your nose, humming quietly as you open your mouth to breathe.

"Yes. Me."

"'m not gonna go. I'll just meet you at uni."

"Simon Riley going to uni?"

"Got a problem with that, angel?" He lets go of your nose when the smile cracks at your face, and you roll over to laugh. "Think I'm too stupid for ya?"

"You wish." You hum. "You think I'd let you fall behind?"

"Never have." He hums, nudging you over as you roll to make space for him on the bed.

"So next cycle? Or are you gonna try somewhere else?"

"Might follow you halfway across the world. You'll fund me, won't ya?"

"Nah. Gonna make you pay rent at least." You swat at his arm playfully as he leans over you, humming as he stares down at you. "Glad your pretty face wasn't ruined."

"Think I'm pretty?"

"Just the lashes."

"Takes too much t' please you." He rolls his eyes, eyes landing on your stomach as your shirt rides up, humming.

"So, did they fuck a lot in the camp? Is it true? Did you guys have a barrack bunny?"

Simon flicks your forehead. "No bunny. yes fucking."

You hold your hands over your mouth, gasping. "tell me more."

"I didn't do anythin'."

"No way."

"Not losing my v-card to a bunch of men in the military."

"Don't know, Si. That sounds like a porno title. Virgin man gets gangbaned by five buff military men... or whatever it is the titles are formatted like."

"'m not even gon' ask how you know that."

You laugh, eyes crinkling as Simon stares.

"'s good to see you again."

"I missed you too." You hum. "I don't mind you going. Really."

"'s my decision to not." He pinches your cheek, glancing at the door as his mother calls for you both to go eat. "I promise."

"Send me to the airport tomorrow?"

"Of course."

You let Simon drive you around before driving you to the airport. You say your goodbyes to your parents at your place, thanking Simon with a grin and a squeeze of his bicep as he lifts all of your luggage into the back of the car. You gasp quietly at the fact that his muscles are harder than before, giving them a second squeeze as he rolls his eyes at you.

"You take that back!"

"Don't know what yer talkin' about."

You don't talk to him too much in the car, too preoccupied with staring out the window. Simon doesn't pry, used to the comfort of your silence when you need it. Besides, you're being sent off to somewhere where you'll be far from him. He wonders if that'll hurt him more or you. You're great, though. You promised you'd write to him, and he's more worried that somehow he will forget to write back to you and you will forget about his existence. You're too far away for comfort.

What if someone else lays eyes on you?

He helps you load the luggage, pulling it with him as you check for your passport, letting Simon put everything down for you, giving his forearm a gentle squeeze in thanks when you arrive with him at the gate. You let him wander around with you before you're supposed to board. He'll wring the final moments you have with him dry, he supposes.

You open your arms for him, squeezing him gently when his arms find themselves around your waist, squeezing you back.

"It's your turn to give me a goodbye kiss." You tap your cheek, tilting your head as you hum, and Simon mumbles under his breath, thumb brushing your bottom lip as he stares down at you for permission.

"You gonna kiss me properly? Real bold of you, Si."

"If you'd let me."

You wrap your arms around his neck, tilting your head as he brushes your bottom lip, staring, staring, staring before letting his lips brush yours gently, softly, and pulling away just as quick. Like a ghost of a kiss — lingering feelings that he can't quite pour out onto you yet because it wouldn't be fair.

"That alright?" He continues to stare at your lips, only snapping out of it when you notice boarding has started.

"More than alright." You reach up to give him a kiss on his cheek, humming as you take two steps back with your luggage. "I'll see you!"

"See you, then."

"Yer gonna let me study abroad without a boyfriend? How cruel of you, Si. Write to me!" You laugh, tugging your carry-on with you as you wave at him from the gate.

Simon stays to stare at you until you've disappeared down the corridor to the plane.

Then, his fingers find his lips where he had kissed you, and then the cheek that you had given him a kiss to.

Ah. He misses you already.

You write to him as promised. You send letters to him and he sends them back, sending you updates on how everyone has been, writing growing more and more illegible with the letters. He wonders if you're able to read everything he sends sometimes, but he eventually sends you a letter with the number slotted into his phone, and when you write to him that you'd be visiting on a certain date, you tell him to pick you up.

The first thing that Simon notices is that you've changed.

Not that you've ever been someone that he's found predictable, but you have changed beyond what Simon can remember from you.

"It's the air." You laugh.

He stares at you, uncertain if he really knows who you are anymore. Was he the one who was being left behind?

You mentioned that you'd never leave him behind.

"Y'sure changed."

"Cultural differences." You open your arms for him, tilting your head when he shakes his head at you.

"'m all smelly from work."

You frown at him.

"Maybe we both changed."

You spend the afternoon lodged at Simon's flat because you didn't want to go home. It's just a week or two, you tell him.

He hands you booze to drink, and you ask him how work has been.

"You still gonna join me?"

"I think I'm alright here."

He fears though, that by doing so, he's going to drift away from you.

"That's good." You grin at him. "If life ever gets too boring, come find me. I'm sure my friends would flip it if some guy who's like a hundred ninety two centimeters tall dropped by and called himself my best friend."

"You talk about me?"

"How could I not?" You tilt your head at him from the passenger seat, blinking slowly. "Si, did you forget about me when I'm gone? It's a little rude of you, you know?"

"I couldn't even if I was killed." He hums. "Your luggage's lighter."

"Mhm. Most of my stuff is with a friend who lives nearby." You grin. "Didn't want you to blow out your back for me."

"Couldn't do that if y' tried."

Simon wonders if there's something in the air when you come back to visit.

"You plan on stayin' there?"

"Maybe." You hum. "I quite like it."

"Leavin' me to fend on my own, huh?"

"It'd be unfair for either of us to do something all for the sake of the other. Your comfort comes before mine." You grin. "Get me a little something to eat?"

"Got dinner at 'ome." He hums. "Your favorite."

"What if it's changed?"

"You can't be sayin' that when you told me less than a month ago."

You laugh in the front seat, grinning.

"Dated yet, Si?"

"No." He hums. "This girl stops by the shop but I don' really like her like that."

"Mm." You tap your chin. "Broken no one in yet?"

Simon coughs at your choice of words, coughing as he catches his breath, your hand patting his back as you laugh.

"Bloody hell."

You have a shit-eating grin on your face when he catches a glance.

"Why? Y'been broken in yet?"

"Nope. Waiting for a certain someone to do the honors."

You laugh at the way he's red for the whole ride back.

Yet, he makes no real move on you back at his place. He hands you a glass of water and settles himself next to you on the couch, letting you show him the variety of items you've brought back to give him, grinning at him when he stares at the strange combination of things.

"Why'd you come back during such a shite time?"

"I wanted to spend the new year with you." You hum, blinking at the snow that's come with the weather.

"You didn't come back during summer."

"No." You close your eyes, throwing your head back. "I wanted to, but I decided not."

"Why."

You kick your legs over his, huffing as you grumble. "It was hard. Flying out the country's hard."

"Cuz of the thing, huh?"

"Yeah." You rest your head on his shoulder, staring out the window. "You got work these days?"

"Nah. Old guy's home with his family. Y' gonna go home?"

"No." You close your eyes. "Didn't tell mom n dad I'd be back."

"Yeah? Just me?"

"Just wanted to see you." You whisper, taking his hand and fiddling with his fingers.

"Y've gotten real handsy since ya left."

"Maybe I just missed you." You mumble. "It's lonely without you."

"Don't love y'er other friends?"

"Love you more." You whisper, finger smooth against his ring finger as you feel him tense up under you.

"Y'love me?"

"Si, I've known you since forever. Of course I do." You rest your hand on top of his, opening your eyes as you whisper.

"Oh, like that."

You don't breach the subject of love further than that, playing with Simon's fingers as he turns on the TV for a match, letting you get comfy with him under a blanket and eventually fall asleep. He stares down at you, voice tight in his throat as he rests his hand on your forearm, heart painful in his chest. Distance has given him no time to think if all he thinks of is you. But, it would be cruel to tell you of something that's long been his problem.

It is not your burden to bear.

It is not your portion to carry.

He rests his eyes as well, the two of you staying that way until late night, Simon first to rouse as he looks out the window.

It is dark outside.

You stir as he does, leaning back onto the couch to stretch out, and kick your legs out, and Simon holds your ankle to push it to the side. The snow creates the illusion of an empty street, and the black and white hurt each other in the lack of light, but you keep staring. It reminds Simon of when you were kids. The staring has since gotten better, but every now and then he catches you staring into nothing.

"Dinner?"

"Sounds good." You kick the blanket off of you, yawning as you follow him to the kitchen. "'m tired."

"Long flight."

"Mhm." You sit at the island, watching as Simon heats the food for you, staring at him as you lean on your palm. "Si, why did you never date?"

"Why should I?"

"Donno."

Simon takes out dinner from the microwave, placing it in front of you as he stares.

"Will y' ever tell me about the staring problem?"

"Probably not." You wiggle your hands comically as you grin.

"Don't do that again."

"So you hate me." You start at dinner anyway, thanking Simon as you chew on the food, scraping the plate in the end when you finish, grinning.

"How's Tommy?"

"Great. Getting engaged soon."

"Ooh! Did you help him pick a ring?"

"No. He went ring shoppin' with his girl." Simon hums.

"Wish you could show me."

"Get dinner with him sometime. I can arrange it. He comes over Friday nights."

"Can't I just grab dinner with him friday night then?"

"Next week?"

"Sure."

"I'll tell him."

"It's Christmas week." You hum. "Did you grab me anything?"

"No." He rolls his eyes. "Dinner wasn' enough?"

You pretend to think, grinning at him when he raises a brow.

"I'm kidding."

"Sure hope you are."

You wake up to a surprise on Christmas anyway, eyes glimmering when Simon serves you breakfast with a gift, kicking your legs as you gush to him about how he didn't need to. You give him a squeeze on his bicep as you ask him if you can unwrap it, pulling at the little ribbon and paper, grinning when you spot the headphones you've written to him about, bottom lip quivering as tears threaten to spill, and Simon rushes to brush them from your cheek, calling you a crybaby while he's at it.

"I should give something back to you."

"Yer back, hm? That's m' gift."

"But I like being with you too." You mumble, hand finding his as your thumb brushes his. "D'you want anything? Anything."

"Anything?"

"Anything."

Simon stares down at your lips, humming as he raises a brow.

"Truly?"

"Use my body or whatever. I trust you." Your voice quiets the more you speak. "I'm all yours."

"Tell me to stop whenever." Simon's thumb finds your bottom lip, brushing it as he presses his lips to yours — hungry, decades of holding back overflowing and spilling into you, hands gripping the counter til his knuckles turn white, tongue shoved down your throat and a hum in his as you pant once he pulls off of you, staring as your eyes haze over and your chest rises and falls, lips parted as you blink to come back to him, bottom lip glossy from his saliva as he brushes it once more. "y'still with me, angel?"

"Mhm." You hum. "You sure you didn't go around kissing others while I was gone?"

"On my life."

"Surprising." You reach up to cup his face, thumb brushing his bottom lip as you hum. "Only ever kissed me, hm? Only wanna kiss me?"

"Bloody hell, what did going to uni teach ya?"

You laugh, humming as you squeeze his face. "How to flirt, apparently. 's it working?"

"No."

The red of his ears betray him.

You're everything except the title, Simon finds. You barely bother hiding the fact that he's allowed to do whatever with you, lounging on his couch and sticking by him at every moment, barely bothering to hide your boredom with the TV and working your knuckles into his back instead. He doesn't need to look to know you've got a shit-eating grin on your face when he groans as you work out a knot in his back.

"Yer real tight, Si."

"Yer pickin' up my accent."

"Maybe it's cuz I love you." You dig your elbow into the muscle, earning a groan from his lips.

"At this point yer just messin' with me."

"Maybe." You hum, exhaling when the knot's released itself, and you collapse on his back, grumbling.

"Get off 'me."

"Don't call me heavy, big guy." You sigh, peeling yourself off of him anyway, falling back to the other arm of the couch.

"You got knots?"

"Don't think so. Sure you're not gonna get hard all pressed up on my ass, Si?"

"Said you were free use f'r the week."

"Didn't think you'd jump to fuck me like that." You settle on your stomach anyway, letting Simon run his hands along your back, oil warm on his hands as you settle with watching whatever's on the telly (it's a football game. you're not the biggest fan, but better than thinking about the fact that you're practically moaning and squirming under Simon. You can't run from the consequences of your actions forever).

Simon fights every bone in his body to not spill over and take things too far, jaw clenched as he brushes the knot from your shoulder, pushing his thumb into it as you whimper. He hears you bite your tongue, and fight back a moan, and it almost comforts him to know that you're not too far off either. Though, he doesn't mention anything when you swat at him to stop, rolling over to lay on your back, staring up at him through your lashes, humming as he stares down at you.

"Minx."

"Freak." You laugh, chest shaking as you grin, eyes crinkling as he presses his hands on your waist, thumb pressing down to your ribs, humming quietly.

"If I were a cut of meat—"

"What fuckin' nonsense are you askin' now?"

"Entertain me, won't you?"

"I wouldn't cut you up."

"You'd eat me raw?!"

"'m no cannibal, angel."

"Just say you won't fuck me."

You're pushing buttons, Simon finds. You're testing to see how much it'll take for him to crumble and snap in your hands. Your hand rubs at his bicep in the mornings when you pass him, cheek squished with his as you point while windowshopping, fingers laced with his as though you were really on a date, and Simon finds that it's hard to fight the red that ruins the pale of his skin, crackling between the cracks of his skin from the winter cold, forced to play it off as the fact that it is cold out. He gives your hand a gentle squeeze back when you ask him to enter a store, and he tugs you back when you're wandering off course.

"Did yer cough start this year?"

"Not yet." You hum. "Worried I'm gonna get you sick?"

"No. Worried you don't like the flavors where you are."

"You remember." You mumble, staring as he hands you the stick from the grocery bag.

"Hard to forget."

"Not when it's only mentioned in passing."

You take the stick anyway, unwrapping one and pressing it to your lips, sucking on it as you squeeze at his arm, puffer coat zipped all the way up as you head back to his place.

Simon doesn't snap the entire time that you're back for the week.

He knows you're trying to get him too, but he's probably held back more than you have over the years, so not much really moves him to do anything anymore. You can try all you want, but truly, you can't do all that much.

"Can I sleep with you tonight?"

Simon raises a brow from the island, blinking at you as you stare back at him.

"Not in the sex way. Just. Like when we were kids."

"You finally gonna tell me what all that staring you did as a kid meant?"

"Maybe." You place the dishes into the dishwasher, blinking slowly as you turn around to stare at Simon. "But I don't think you'd believe me."

"I'd argue against that. Can't tell me something insane."

"Oh, I'm sure." You mumble. "I'm sure you'd believe some made up war story from a world in the past."

"Is that what it was?"

"I don't know." You blink slowly, taking off the gloves and letting them dry as Simon stares. stares. stares.

Past your eyes and through your soul, like you're just a piece on display. Like he knows something you don't. He doesn't. Simon knows better than anyone that despite every single cell of his body crying for him to pour himself to devote to you, you would never accept it. You wouldn't. You wouldn't let him "throw his future away" all for the sake of you. Something stops you from letting him devote himself to him, and something stops you from just accepting that maybe Simon wants it and it isn't a side effect of being friends for so long.

There's a constant need to take care of him better than he takes care of you.

Simon finds it in the way you hand him a mug of water before bed, throwing the blanket over the two of you, flashlight resting between the two of you as you blink at him.

"You gon' tell me?"

"No." You hum. "But I'll tell you another secret if you tell me one. You first, though."

Simon doesn't keep secrets from you other than the fact that he loves you.

"I don' have any."

"None at all?"

"I tell you everything."

You blink at him from under the covers, tilting your head.

"Everything?"

Almost.

"Thinkin' 'bout signing up SAS." He whispers, voice cracking as he watches the grief crack past your eyes and your face drop. You don't mention anything, telling him it's fine as you collect yourself, swallowing everything back and smiling again.

"Yeah?"

"Thinkin' bout it."

"You gonna go? Really?" You whisper — scared. Simon knows you enough to be able to sense when you're scared. It's rare you even display such an honest emotion to him.

"Why don't you want me to?"

"No, it's just." You shake your head. "'m being paranoid. I'm just upset that I might not get to see you again."

"I'll see you between missions."

"I'm out of the country, Si." You mumble. "I can't visit all the time."

"I know." He mumbles. "but I've got to do sumthin 'n if not this, then I don' know what."

You rest your head against his chest, voice quiet as he runs his hand through your hair, pressing down to get you to relax for him.

"'m thinking about settling down permanently there."

Ah.

Simon seems to understand why you'd be so panicked at his enlistment. Truly, he wouldn't get to see you again, maybe. He'd be busy and if you start work, then you wouldn't get to see him at all. You can't write back to him if he's moving around, and his phone would most likely be off-limits in the service. Too little to do. Too little to hold on to. Maybe that is what you have feared.

"I'll tell you one more secret, then, Si." You mumble, hands finding his chest as you close your eyes.

"'s it, angel?"

"Tommy's gonna get married to her and then they're gonna have a boy." You close your eyes, and Simon feels you furrow your brows against his chest. "He's gonna be named Joseph. Joseph Riley. Sweet boy. Lovely, even."

"Why are you telling me this."

"Just." You whisper. "Just remember that."

You don't respond, going quiet for the rest of the trip, only giving him a hug at the airport and waving goodbye. You leave him your new address, smiling at him.

Simon doesn't know if he likes the silence he's left with when you're gone from his flat.

Yet, he's gone anyway, sending you letters that you can never quite send back, always too close or too far. He mails small things that remind him of you — tucks a photo of you into his helmet, stares up at the stars when it's night with a smoke between his fingers (that you'd scold him for) while the rest of the team joins him. He climbs up ranks — never stops writing to you. During the few times he has off, he returns to the empty flat and wonders how you're doing. You don't write back to him.

He wonders if you get his letters at all.

Yet, he can't stop to think. He can't stop. He just.

He becomes a Lieutenant.

When he's asked if he'd like someone to be at the ceremony, he briefly wonders if you'd fly over for him.

He doesn't ask you.

His feelings aren't yours to deal with.

Tommy and his mother help him pin it, but he'd wish that the hands promoting him to a higher position was you. It's to prove to you. It's to prove to you that he's fine and alive. Maybe it holds the same sentiment as when he writes to you. He's still alive, angel. He's still in one piece, even if you can't write back to him. He wonders if you still live there. Are his letters meeting a stone wall? Is it a brick wall that stands between the two of you? He'd break it down, but he doesn't want to risk the chances of you getting hurt in the crumble.

He returns home for Christmas one year, wondering if you'd be home. Tommy mentions sending you a wedding invite through Simon, and he stares. Really. Just stares at the wedding invitation. He doubts you'd answer. You feel like a ghost of his past. It's almost as if you had known that he'd never see you again when you had spent a winter with him. Like you knew. Like you wish he knew. Like when you pulled him under the blankets with a flashlight, you had known, maybe, that he'd be gone and you'd be gone.

When he sends the letter to the address you gave him, he almost worries that Tommy won't get a response back. (He slips an additional letter asking you if you'd like to be his plus one, but he doesn't have much faith that you'll respond to that one.)

Then, he's off and back to the military.

You meet him at Tommy's wedding.

You find him in the crowd, eyes lighting up as you sit next to him in the crowd, chattering excitedly about how you finally get to see him again. He listens to you talk. You've changed — as one does, and he has as well. Yet, he doesn't mind the change this time. You seem the same as before, sparkling eyes, only a little more mature. You look less like a kid and more like an adult now. You look pretty as you ever are.

"Missed you so much." You mumble. "So so much. Love reading your letters. Please never stop writing to me."

"You read em but won't send responses to my flat?"

"You didn't sell it?"

Simon shakes his head.

"Then I will. I'll write back to your flat." You mumble. "I just worry that your mailbox will overflow."

"Tommy takes care of it."

"Yeah?"

"Mhm."

"Alright." You grin. "You got a phone when you're off duty?"

He shakes his head.

"We'll stick to letters, then."

You sit with Simon at dinner. The wedding is nice. You're nice. Simon missed you, and he almost wants to ask if you've got a booking for somewhere because apparently you had tugged along with you a luggage when you first arrived and left it at the front for safekeeping. Maybe you'll ask him. It wouldn't be strange if you did. He has a day off, but you're more than welcome to stay as long as you want in his flat. He'll get you a copy of his key, even.

Maybe you'll give him a copy of yours next. He'd like to visit sometime.

"Si." You whisper, nudging him gently with the tip of your heel.

"Hm?"

"You got space in your flat?"

"I'll give y' a copy of the key. I gotta get back in the mornin'"

"You only took a day off?"

"'s just a weddin', no?"

"It's Tommy's wedding."

"Still a weddin', angel."

"Oh, should I be worried that you'll only take a day off for our wedding?" You squeeze his arm as you wave at Tommy and his bride.

Simon blinks at you.

"Y' did not just say that."

"Hm?" You tilt your head at him. "D'ya stop lovin' me over our break?"

"Who said I ever loved y'a?"

"The voices." You let go of his arm, going back to the food.

Simon takes you home after you get plastered at Tommy's wedding. He's never seen you drink so much, but to be fair, you didn't drink all that much last time you were at his flat. You seem like nothing to him as he carries you, letting you hang off of his shoulder as he brings you up the stairs, raising a brow at you when you beeline for his bathroom and throw up over the toilet.

"Regret drinkin' yet?"

"No." You rasp. "Fuck, no. Can't get alcohol this good where I'm stuck."

"Thought you loved it there."

"I only love being next to you." You start again, Simon sitting by your side as he holds your hair up. "Fuckin' hell."

"Yer slurrin' your speech, angel."

"Speakin' like you." You huff, crying. "I missed you, Si. Really did."

"Missed y' too."

You rest your palm against your forehead, eyes closed as you whimper. "'s lonely without you."

"Yeah?"

"Mhm." You mumble. "Thought I could take it again."

"Again?"

"Again." You whisper. "And again. Si, I'm not made for casual I'm made for soul crushing devotion. God, I need to move on already. Why's it so hard to move on?"

"F'rm who?"

You turn to him, eyes glossy and red as you let out a laugh— pathetic. Almost as though you were laughing at yourself.

"'m not gonna come clean about that, Si."

"Never?"

"Maybe when you get married." You bend over the toilet again, closing your eyes.

"Though' it was we?"

You laugh. "If you survive."

"You always know somethin', angel."

"Hard not to." You throw your head back, furrowing your brows as you focus on breathing. "I'd like for it to stop, though."

"And how would that happen?"

"Can't. Cursed with the knowledge. Wish you could just fuck it out of me, honest."

You wake up to the worst hangover of your life — head cracking open down the middle as you sit up and rub at your neck, groaning as you stretch your back. Getting plastered at Tommy's wedding was probably not worth it.

"Hey." Simon hands you a bowl of soup, and you whimper as you press it to your lips, drinking.

"Thought you had to go."

"You looked like shite when y' went to bed."

You huff. "So you stayed back?"

"If not me then who?"

"I could've handled it."

"Wouldn' have wanted y'to." He hums. "Wiped your face down last night."

"Thank you, Si." You mumble. "You angel."

"All you."

"No. Not this time." You close your eyes. "Did I tell you anything?"

"Said you thought y'could take being alone again."

He leaves out the part where you had cried about him fucking you.

"Oh." You mumble. "'m just lonely."

Without him.

"Would you let me visit?"

"Shall I give you a spare as well?" You tilt your head. "Or do you want to do it classic style and break into my place?"

"A spare would be nice."

"Okie dokes." You hum. "You can go back in the afternoon. I feel much better."

"Won't let me stay longer?"

"I'd assume you can only stay for so long."

"Can ask for longer. The captain'll get it."

"You don't need to, Si."

"Thought y'missed me?"

"I do."

"Then let me stay. Allow yourself tha' much."

"Yeah?"

He nods.

You let him.

He sticks behind and wanders around with you, following after you with your bags as you point and shop, squeezing Simon gently, stopping halfway to feed him, your fingers nimble on your new device as you click.

"A cell phone?"

"Mhm." You rummage through your bag, frowning when there's a lack of something. "Forgot it."

"Forgot what?"

"I'll give it to you later."

You end up leaving it on Simon's bedside — something he returns to after deployment, brow raised as he reads through the album and the songs you've burned down for him. The letter you tuck behind the tracklist doesn't go unnoticed, Simon's first letter greeting him in the house from you as he looks through the rest of his mail. You've started writing back. Blue and black envelopes stick out from the whites of formal mail, and he flips through them, your writing familiar to his eyes as he sits back with a cup of water, reading through your responses to what he writes to you.

He feels childish writing to you sometimes. The pen feels a little too light for a hand that only knows the sword and not pen. Well, sword is wrong. Gun. His hands are much more used to the weight of a weapon than a quill.

It helps ground him sometimes.

His letters are most certainly darker than yours. You report about what you've been working on in school, sending him tickets to your graduation later in the year. You tell him that it doesn't really matter if he doesn't attend, but you wanted to give it to him anyway. The extra ticket is in case he actually found someone in the military to bring as a plus one.

It wounds Simon that you'd think he wouldn't stick with you.

He writes back to you, marking down your graduation and taking the day off in advance with his captain, nodding when asked if it's the same person he took the week off for last time.

"Must really love 'er, huh?"

"Yes, sir."

"Got a ring on it?"

"No, sir."

"Better move quick, Simon. Yer at the age where dating's all the storm."

Simon wonders if you'd agree to do long distance if he can't call you all that much.

You deserve someone who'll at least be there for you when you need it.

Yet, he lingers a little too long in front of the jewelry store, battered and bruised face in the reflection of the glass, staring himself in the eye as he wonders just why you had called him pretty back then. He's hardly pretty now. Mangled upper lip and scratches on his cheek — there is no trace of the "pretty" you had once called him. Though, his lashes stay the same, so he wonders if you'll still recognize if the only thing visible are his eyes.

He stares for a second too long at the jewelry store, stepping in and looking for something you'd like.

A ring.

"A nice dramatic gem for the engagement ring" you had told him once. Yet, despite it all, the sketches you had drawn for him had been a moderate gem. A ring that would remind you of how much he loves you — it had been a simple request. Even without the title of it all. You did not need to know what you were and what you weren't. If you had the certainty that one day the two of you would end up together anyway, then why waste the effort and consider or think over other people?

Simon understands you a little more now.

"Custom. If y'do 'em."

He pulls out the sketches you made as a child. Messy and childish ones — ones where it's a moonstone or pearly, never a diamond, and ones where Simon's handwriting as a child are visible to leave ideas for his own. You did not know. He did not either. But there's something quite assuring in just knowing. Simon knows you love him. It's quite a simple thing, really. You love him in the letters you write back, painful detail down to the point and making sure not to miss a thing. You love him in the trips where you're back, refusing to book a hotel and squeezing into his flat with him, limbs tangled in an intimacy that you've both grown comfortable in.

Simon loves you too. He loves you in the simplicity of having grown up with you — in the hair held up as you throw up, and in staying back when you won't let him but you need him. He loves you quietly the same way you love him. It's quite simple, really. It doesn't matter if you won't marry him or that you deserve someone better than Simon. All that really matters is that you want him, and he wants you too. There isn't too much other thinking he should do. You've always been more simple like that.

He writes you a letter back, asking if you want any particular flowers (not that he'll get the chance to read what you want).

He'll know what to get you when the time comes.

There's a sense of stability that Simon's learned to realize now that he's older or whatever. Settling down with you and retiring from the military won't kill him. He'll just open a nice little shop by where you live if he has to. You won't let him, but you trust him enough to let him make his own decisions now. It doesn't matter what you refuse to tell him. Time will tell him, and then eventually, you'll be honest. He just has to have faith or whatnot.

He brings the ring to your graduation, sitting in the back with your family, catching up with them. He wears a mask to hide the scars on his face and whatnot, but nothing outside of it. There's a sense of age that's crept up with him, and something weighs on his shoulders, but you'll work it out of him like you always have. Seeing you in your robes and throwing your hat is more than enough to let him forget for a moment.

There's a long life of him ahead on the battlefield if he decides upon it. He'd like something to go home to or meet up with halfway.

Preferably you.

He tucks the bouquet under his arm with the box in his pocket, meeting you halfway as you spot him in the crowd of people immediately, his name yelled and your friends abandoned for him, launching yourself into his arms as he catches you with an arm, humming as you squeeze his biceps, eyes lit up as you ramble to him. He watches you, eyes gentle and warm as his mind reminds him that yes, this is what bliss is to him. Simple, easy, bliss.

"Got you flowers."

"Yeah?" You tilt your head, grinning as he presents them to you. "Can we get dinner at mine later? I'd go to the grad party but I missed you a whole lot and you probably have a hotel so—"

"You'll host me?"

"I live alone."

"Tha's unsafe, angel."

"So?"

"You wan' me to pick?"

"Nah. Takeout at my place, but I'll get to say I have dinner plans."

"And your parents?"

"They'll understand." You glance at the flowers. "You tryna tell me something with the single rose amongst all those yellows? Ooh, white carnations..."

"Maybe I am."

"You've gotten bold, Si." You laugh, squeezing his forearm as your parents spot you. "I'll send you my address. Love you lots, kay? See you in a bit."

Simon bends down to press his lips to your forehead, humming as he sends you off with a pat.

You seem to know too.

He enters with the spare key you keep buried in the depths of the crevice of a window, setting his luggage down as he reads your texts about where to stay and put his stuff. You live comfortably. He understands why you wouldn't want to move. His flat is significantly less impressive than this, yet you stayed with him every time. Considering it all, you probably could've just bought out a flat next to him if you really wanted to.

Maybe there is love in the way you simply choose to exist the way you do.

You return home a little later, makeup smudged and messy as you tell him you ended up in the backseat with some friends, but you managed to get home in one piece. You abandon the robe and hat, shaking out the bobby pins as you recite the local pizza place to Simon, pulling out a drawer with your makeup remover as you do.

It feels oddly domestic.

"Wh'd'ya want?"

"Just tell em my name. They know my order. Oh, tell 'em to make it a combo this time. You can ask them what options they have. I like the wings, but their salad isn't bad."

"This what you've been livin' off of in uni?"

"Maybe." You pause to yawn, shaking the bottle and pulling out cotton pads to get everything off. "They're good though, I promise."

"Trust you." He dials.

You're not wrong.

Simon sits with you on your couch as you tangle limbs with him, pulling the pizza out and letting the cheese stretch as you do, your TV turned on as you let him watch the game.

"Si, what do you think about me moving back?"

"Why? Y'live comfortable here."

"It's lonely without you."

"Yeah?" He reaches down to rub circles on your knee with his free hand. "Y'er so much better off here, though."

"We can just get a new place in Manchester." You lick your fingers, reaching for another slice. "I'll buy it. It can be a dowry or whatever."

"I couldn't let y' do that, angel."

"Why not?" You raise a brow. "I'm willing to."

"Then let me take care of utilities."

"If y'want."

Simon slides his hand up your leg, squeezing your thigh gently as you turn to look at him, pizza crumbs on the corner of your lips as he fishes something out from his pocket.

"If yer willin'—"

"Oh, hell, yes. Please." You grin.

"At least le' me finish."

"Sorry, Si." You hum. "Shall we reroll and rerecord?"

"'s fine." He hums, opening the box as he squeezes your thigh, humming quietly as he presents the ring to you.

"I can't promise bein' in bed with you every night, but I can promise an eternity of the time I have that is my own with you." He hums. "I'll come back to you in one form or another. I'll leave if y'want it. Anything you ask for, I will give. Marry me, angel?"

"Will I be upgraded to luvie if I do?"

"Anythin' y' want. Missus Riley, even."

"It's a yes, Si. Always a yes. Thought it was obvious when I said our wedding at Tommy's." You hum. "Let me wash my hands, though. Got crumbs and oil all over 'em."

"I'll wipe the ring down later. Gimme y'er hand."

You lick your ring finger, giving Simon your hand as he presses a kiss to the finger, delicate, gentle, soft before sliding the ring on.

"Looks real familiar." You observe the design, pausing when it hits you. "Did you keep the drawing I made back in Year 7??"

"Surprised y'noticed."

Your bottom lip quivers, tears welling in your eyes as Simon reaches to hold your head to his chest, humming as you wipe at the tears, chest shaking from laughter.

"Yer so stupid." You laugh, folding the last of your pizza and finishing it in a bite. "y'er such a bloke."

Simon pokes at your cheek, your hand flying up to swat at his as he hums.

"Yer bloke."

"Guh."

Two months later, Simon returns to help you move.

You sell the majority of your furniture and tell him you've got your eye on a nice little place a little more outskirt, but he tells you to pick where you'll be comfortable. He truly only needs to come home to you and it'll be enough. You kick at him and tell him at least to tell you whether it should be a flat or a townhouse or whatever. He settles with you as the two of you look into an agent, and eventually you find a place you both like to some extent.

You move back home to Simon, and you blink as you settle into the new place, keys in your hand as you squeeze Simon. You're back on the couch, legs kicked over his as your thumbs brush at his cheeks, staring.

“Heard Tommy’s baby is coming soon”

“Mhm.”

“Did they pick a name?”

Simon raises a brow at you when you tilt your head and blink.

“Joseph, luvie. Joseph.”

You laugh, cheeks warm as Simon hums.

"Yer still pretty as ever, Si."

"Even with the mangled lip?"

"Adds flavor." You grin. "Funny that we haven't gone on a proper date yet."

"Y'wanna go on a date? Bring your documents. We're off to get the civil ceremony."

"Wow, really can't wait f'r me to become Missus Riley, huh?"

"Waited long enough. 'm sure you've waited longer." He mumbles. "A whole life, even."

"Whole two." You hold up your fingers. "I'll tell you all about it after you finally break me in."

"Bloody hell."

You laugh, cheeks warm and eyes closed as Simon stares.

This, he understood.

You, he understands.

In this life, and whatever other he had.

You, he knows.

"Thinking?" You quirk your head to the side

"Thinkin' bout you, luvie."

"Yeah? You'll be doing that a lot more now, Si."

"Always have been."

[lexisecretaccx]

High School Sweethearts pt.1 - Chris Sturniolo

PT2, PT3, PT4, PT5, PT6, PT7, PT8, PT9, PT10, ( rest of the parts on my Masterlist)

A/n: This is gonna be a series but PLSPLS bear with me bc I am struggling in school right now! This series reminds me of the K-12 Album tbf lol🤍🎀

(Chris sturniolo x Fem reader, skater Chris, nothing much atm, maybe a bit suggestive in a dream but not much else tbh.)

The bell rings, causing me to lift my head swiftly. I look around at the class and the other students are packing up so I copy, but just as I lean down to place my pencil case into my bag, a book slams on my desk making me jump out of my skin.

“You aren’t going anywhere y/n. Sleeping in class again?” My teacher Mr Rockwell looks down at me, his face cold and stern. “I’m sorry, I didn’t sleep well last night and..” he picks the book up off the desk, “no excuses. Good thing this is the last period because you can stay behind for detention. An hour and a half.” I sigh as he walks away before picking up a sheet of paper and placing it on my desk.

I place my face into my hands out of embarrassment, I’ve never had detention with this teacher before, I’m usually alert in his classes. “No more sleeping!” Mr Rockwell slightly yells from across the classroom and I pick up my pen before sighing and studying the page. Algebra. Math has never been my strong suit.

Mine and the teachers heads both shoot to the door as it opens with a squeak, a brunette boy walks into the room and up to the teachers desk, “You’re late again. Once more and there will be serious issues.” I hear Mr Rockwell say, before the boy replies “yeah sorry, see my brother had to..” “Excuses again! What’s the matter with the students in my class.” He mutters, leaning past the brunette to look at me.

My face flushes with embarrassment as the boy turns to look at me, he mustn’t have noticed there was anyone else in the class, I am seated right at the back to be fair. He smiles at me softly, before turning back to the teacher. I swear I recognised him, I think he was one of the triplets in our grade.

“Sit down.” Mr Rockwell mutters, handing the boy the same piece of paper he gave me. To my surprise the boy sat right next to me, probably to try copy me. “If you’re trying to copy me, you’re out of luck because I haven’t got a clue either.” I whisper and I look over to the boy, his eyes studying my face. “Do I know you?” He whispers back.

“I don’t know.. do you?” I ask in confusion because I haven’t ever spoken to him or his brothers, “yeah you’re the girl who sits at the front in science.” He chuckles and looks at the teacher at the front of the class and then back at me.I’m surprised he knows who I am, I didn’t know he was in my class.

“Oh yeah..” I laughed lightly. I look back down at my paper to try and make some sense of it, and I fail at that.

The teacher stands up and his chair squeaks against the floor, causing me and the boy to jump as we look up. “I need to go.. grab something from one of the other classrooms I’ll be 10 minutes minimum.” He spoke monotonously and walked out the class. I immediately look to the boy and he has the same confused expression on his face as I do.

“What was that about?” He looks to me for an answer, “I dont know but at least I don’t have him staring me down anymore,” I laugh, “what’s your name? Sorry I dont remember it.” I feel guilty, due to the fact that he knows who I am, I mean I know who he is but not enough to know his name, does he even know mine?

“Oh uh im Chris, and don’t stress it y/n u won’t be forgetting my name soon enough.” He smirks to me before his eyes focus on the equations in front of him. He knows my name. “What do you mean by that?” I laugh softly and he shrugs.

“Maybe you’ll remember me as the boy who stole the answers for this algae-bra shit.” He stands up whilst looking at me, “it’s Algebra, Chris, and you aren’t stealing answers, what if he comes back?”

“Chill, I’ll take the blame for it anyway.” He opens the drawer in the teachers desk and ruffles through some paper until he smiles and grabs a piece of paper, closes the drawer and walks back over to me. “You thief.” I joke with him as he sits back down and scoots his desk closer to me so we can share the paper.

We finish up with the paper and the teacher still hasn’t returned, Chris puts the paper back into his desk and we try to wait it out for the 25 minutes we have left. “Can we just leave now?” He rolls his eyes and taps his pen on the desk. “I wish but no. What if he comes back and we’re gone?” I watch him as he stops tapping his pen and leans down to his bag.

“Live a little y/n. He’s been gone for most this detention, it’s his fault if you leave early.” He packs his things into his backpack. “Plus I’ll write a note on his board and let him know we left ‘at the right time’” he does finger quotations and smirks, “fine.” I sigh.

He hops out his seat and grabs both our papers and places them on the desk, as I pack my things away. He writes on the board ‘sorry for being in detention or whatever but we did the work (it’s on ur desk) and left, love u teach xx - Chris’ ��there.” He smiles proudly and I roll my eyes “you’re not funny.” I stand up.

We both sneak out the classroom and Chris leads me the way. We hear voices coming from a storage cupboard and he looks back at me before we go to move forward again but before we can start moving, the door swings open and a girl walks out, she looked about late 20s or something, she went down the hallway in the direction we were headed.

Chris turns to me and raises one of his eyebrows as if to say ‘what the fuck was she doing in there’ . About a minute later someone else stumbles out of the cupboard, my mouth drops when I realise it’s Mr Rockwell. He walks down the corridor towards his class which means he was gonna pass me and Chris. Chris pulls me behind a locker and my back is pressed right up against him.

Mr Rockwell passes us, and thankfully doesn’t see us. I let out a sigh of relief and Chris grabs my arm before we are running down the corridors and out the double doors. Chris leans against the brick wall, breathing heavily.

“I’m never doing that again.” I breath as I smile at him, “You know we will,” he smirks at me before checking his phone. “Shit I was supposed to be home like half hour ago I should go.” “But detention doesn’t end for what.. another like 10/15 minutes? Why would you need to be home before it ends?” I ask tilting my head slightly as he smiles and looks at his feet.

“Your detention doesn’t end for another 10/15 minutes, mine ended like 45 mins ago.” He looked at me, “what, why didn’t you leave when you should’ve then?” I am really confused now. “Didn’t want to leave you on your own.” He shrugged before grabbing a skateboard off of a rack. “Oh thanks.” I smile “You skate?” I try to hide my blush from his comment and bring my focus to his board.

“Uh yeah, do you?” He smiles down at me due to our height difference, “no but I tried once and I got scared.” I laugh, he laughs too before dropping his board onto the ground, “I’ll teach you sometime.” He starts to skate away, “see ya y/n!”.

I get home and throw my notebook down onto my desk, one of my pages is folded over, I hate when that happens. I turn to the page to unfold the corner and there’s writing on the page ‘know you would want this - Chris’ below that was his phone number. I smile to myself at his slightly messy handwriting and pick up my phone.

I add his number to my contacts and open up imessage. ‘How did you write that in my book without me noticing😂’ I press send. He replies with ‘gotta keep an eye on your stuff y/n😉’ we text back and forth for a bit before I go to sleep.

“You’re so pretty y/n.” I smile as he leans over me and smirks, “can I?” His hand plays with the seam on my panties. “Yes.. please.” He starts to kiss my neck, “fuck Chris…”

I sit up quickly, breathing fast. “What the fuck.” I mumble to myself before wiping my eyes and laying back down. Come on y/n you barely knew the boy before today and now you’re dreaming of him? I sigh heavily.

I’m never telling anyone about that.. ever..

A/n: omds I kinda like this.. I’m gonna try to make it a series but I won’t be able to update frequently! I love this storyline tho and I know where I’m going with this so bear with me!

Taglist: @blahbel668 @mattsleftnipple03 @rac00ns-are-c00l4 @hysteria-things @sturniologurl4l2008 @jakevwebber @braindead4l @mattybearnard

—💋——📷——‼️——💌———❤️———💌——‼️——📷——💋—

[webslingingslasher]

ok this is random but😭

i had a dream the other day and idk why i didn’t tell you sooner bc it’s so you/trouble/us coded but i had a dream where i bit my man’s shoulder (im single) (hypothetical dream man) but i but it OFF and woke up crying like his flesh was in my mouth and there was blood and now i csnt jokingly bite my future bf bc i’m traumatised

oh my god. telling this to bf!peter im-

'wake up.' stiff pokes, your touch is swiped away. 'no.' you poke harsher, peter hisses around a breath. 'wake up.' he pulls towards the edge of his bed, you follow right behind.

'go away, i'm sleeping.'

'that's fine, i just need to tell you something.' peter lets out the most dramatic sigh you've ever heard. 'tell me.'

'i can't bite you anymore.'

two days ago you bit him so hard it left a perfect bruise in the shape of your mouth. when you saw it the next day, you cried and told him how sorry you were, peter said it was fine and it didn't hurt. it was kind of sad, peter had never seen you so guilty before.

'don't tell me you're still crying over that. it was an accident and i promise it doesn't hurt.' you frown, you weren't talking about that but you think that's where the idea came from.

'i just had a dream i bit you and like, i bit your arm off.'

peter rolls over, he's got two perfect arms. 'trust me, trouble. you've got jaws of steel, but they're not that strong.' peter's the one who brought it up, you point at the fading purple.

'i did that.'

'and it's still attached.' peter shakes his arm out, 'see? wanna give it a nibble?'

'no! no more biting. no biting ever again, i can't control myself, obviously.'

'it's a minor flesh wound.'

'for now! what if i gave you a staph infection?'

'you didn't give me a staph infection.'

'how do we know that?'

'because you didn't break the skin, trouble.' you stare at the mark, it haunts you still. your lower lip trembles, you hurt him. 'petey,' it's that broken voice, the one that makes peter feel like a teddy bear, the mix between bringing comfort and a sense of protection.

it's all it takes for him to scoop you into his hold. 'c'mere, give me a hug.' you press against him tight. 'i hurt you.' peter holds his lips to your forehead, you caused damage and he's comforting you.

'minorly. i’ve bruised you before, too. i didn’t beat myself up over it.’ you snort, he didn’t cry but he felt terrible. peter went in a little hard on sex one night, his fingertips bruised little marks into your hips where he held you. the next morning he kissed them over and over while he whispered apologies.

‘liar. you freaked the next morning.’ peter hums, he remembers. ‘of course i did. i bruised my girlfriend the same night i got her.’ you want to squeal, each time he says it feels like you take flight.

‘then you understand why i’m upset. i mortally wounded my boyfriend, the person i love most.’ you gasp, you hadn’t even thought of it like this, but it’s even worse.

you push back to stare into his eyes, your thumb brushes over the purple ring. ‘i hurt spider-man!’ you kiss over the bruise, you can’t believe you hurt your hero like this.

‘i almost bit spider-man’s arm off.’

peter rolls his eyes, ‘no, you almost bit your boyfriends arm off.’

‘spider-man is my boyfriend.’

‘peter was your boyfriend first.’ you hold up a finger, ‘technically- you told me you-‘

‘technically nothing. you’ve known peter for longer, that’s who your boyfriend is.’

you shake your head at him. ‘well, technically-‘ peter flips you to your back, you blink wildly at the sudden movement. ‘technically nothing. spider-man was collateral to get peter to be your boyfriend.’

you raise your eyebrows, peter hides his hands under the warmth of your shirt. ‘baby, i only said yes because i knew i’d be dating spider-man.’

peter pouts sympathetically, ‘i hate to tell you this, trouble. but… spidey is pretty upset about the impending staph infection. peter on the other hand… is strong and brave.’

you agree with him. ‘yeah! you’re the strong one, you can handle your arm being bit off. i mean, i’ll never bite you again, but you could handle it.’

‘trouble, as long as you’re the gnawing my arm off, i’d be fine with it.’ you pout up at him, peter thinks he said the wrong thing again and tries to backtrack.

you stop him. ‘i’m not sad, petey. i’m in love. you’d give an arm for me.’ peter gives you three quick kisses, ‘i’d give you anything.’

you murmur against his lips, ‘like being able to call spider-man my boyfriend?’ peter presses in harshly, you think he might’ve bruised your bottom lip in retaliation.

‘almost anything.’

[cokou]

Could you write about OP men realizing they’ve fallen in love with you? I was thinking Ace, Law, and Zoro 👀

—OP MEN REALIZING THEY HAVE FALLEN FOR YOU <3

༄ ғᴀɴᴅᴏᴍ ➢ One Piece ༄ ғᴇᴀᴛᴜʀɪɴɢ ➢ Ace x Reader; Law x Reader; Zoro x Reader ༄ ʀᴀᴛɪɴɢ ➢ SFW // Fluff ༄ ᴄᴏɴᴛᴇɴᴛ ᴅɪsᴄʟᴀɪᴍᴇʀ ➢ Two idiots inlove, nothing much <3 ༄ ᴡᴏʀᴅ ᴄᴏᴜɴᴛ ➢ 1495 Words, 8125 Characters ༄ ᴀ|ɴ ➢ You ask, you get! Enjoy <33 // Do not transfer my works to any other platforms // this is my only account, will not be cross posted to any other sites or apps! <3

ᴀᴄᴇ (566 words, 3,072 characters)

—You joined the whitebeard pirates not too long ago, and with them, you finally found the happiness you once sought for.

You had been working under the 2nd Divisions commander, Portgas D. Ace. You two were awfully close to each other unlike anybody else. You recalled that almost everyday you would crack jokes to each other and laugh like wild hyena's instead of actually doing the work you were told to.

Either way, work couldn't even separated you two's bond with each other, it either ends with the two of you working together or else one would cause more trouble to the crew, which doesn't make sense, at all.

"I can't comprehend with your dumbasses anymore! Get outta here and do your work before we decide to officially throw you two off the ship!" —Thatch kicked your asses off into an Island and left you two there, you two were standing and was particularly looking at each other confused.

"WHAT was that about?!" You asked Ace with a dumbfounded look.

"HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW?!" Ace looked at you with a more dumbfounded look.

(You two just stormed off trying to figure out what to do.)

It's been hours since you've been kicked onto this Island with Ace, and you two haven't made any progress at all! It's turning night time soon and yet, you still haven't understood a word coming out of Ace's mouth.

"WHAT?!" You screeched at him, "I DID not understand anything!" At this point you felt like giving up with him by your side.

"I SAID, get the logs, we need them to make fire! OR freeze to death!" He was scratching this temple, clearly giving out with your screeches. (bro you're the flame user idk make fire?)

Eventually you two figured out what to do and settled down to make a little sleeping ground, and burned things.

"PUT IT OUT!" You screamed as the weeds get caught on fire, obviously he did eventually put it out and you two settled down near the fire.

"Did we even do anything other than be asses the whole day?" ...Great question, you two did nothing. It's finally night time and you promised that by tomorrow you will be having a huge amount of progress. You only hoped he'd be more serious then.

The silence was ringing and you were staring empty at the fire, and eventually Ace was looking at you, he didn't realize it at all until you asked him if he was okay.

"You okay?" You're shooting me glances like I did something unforgettable" For a second you catched a glimpse of him blushing, and it immediately faded.

"It's just quite cold?" . "You're literally made of fire."

Dumb excuse, and you eventually got bored and drifted to sleep on his shoulder.

—Maybe then, that was how he realized that all the feelings he was experiencing when he saw you, was that he was falling for you. He always believed that he was just a little unusual, but now he realized that he had love you, he doesn't regret it, and he never will. Maybe one day he'd tell you how much he loves you. But for now, he just hopes that this feeling stays with him. He really just wants to be you, it doesn't matter what dumb excuses he makes, just as long as he gets to be with you, alone.

ʟᴀᴡ (510 words, 2,778 characters)

—You may or may not have been close to him because of work..(you did) You had started working into the library with Law that day, that's how you two got close, but unlike him, you actually knew your limits and when you needed to step out of business.

You usually end up telling him that he needs to stop overworking himself and pay some attention on his own mental health, but repeatedly he only responses in cold 'no's'.

"Hey, I'm leaving work early today." Everyday you update him on literally everything that you think will happen to you that day.

In response, he only gave you a nod and didn't even pay attention to what you were saying, his eyes were glued onto the paper work he had obviously been working on. The thing about him that ticks you most of the time is he was dead serious with all the work and doesn't lay any mistakes at all.

You sat a few tables away from him and laid your eyes on your table, it's full of tons of papers, again...Unexpectedly, a while ago you had entered quite late, which made you pretty near on break time.

The silence lingering across the library is making you feel nervous, it's cold and it doesn't fit your type of temperature, so you decided to move place and sat next to the table Law was working on, and you finally got his glance on you.

"Hi, uhm, moving cause it's too cold"

.

"Whatever makes you do your work." His voice added more anxious depth into the cold library. You couldn't take it anymore so you just decided to try and strike a conversation with him.

"soo, what are you planning to do on break?" There was a hint of awkwardness in your voice.

"work" He answered nonchalantly just after you finished asking.

"I mean you should totally like, rest, right?" It's either you think this guy is a magical creature for taking in too much work or he's just severely workaholic.

He ignored your words, staring blankly into the paper, he isn't even reading it, his eyes are particularly drilling holes into it. "No." He continued writing things down.

"Why not? You should just maybe take some time off, with me?" You poured all your nervousness on that 'with me' on your sentence. "..Maybe next time." Your nervousness finally fading as he replied, which made you feel better other than hearing a simple 'no' from him.

"Okay! You promised that!" You rushed towards the exit ready to go on with your break time.

—Law caught himself smiling at the thought of you exiting the room happily and being worried for him. He just doesn't realize that he is happy because he'd be able to have more time with you. His mind forces him, but he simply pushes it away. He doesn't even realize that he loves you. And he probably will resist the feelings until he can't bare it anymore, but for now, he's happy that you're with him, even if it's tables apart.

ᴢᴏʀᴏ (419 Words, 2,275 Characters)

—It all started when you two were children. Zoro kept telling you that he'll beat Kuina and be the worlds strongest swordsman. It had been his dream since then, and you support him even then. You'd watch him do all kinds of training just to be strong, but he just ends up too tired.

"Just watch! I'll be the strongest swordsman ever!"

Practically, You and Zoro had been close friends for about a decade now. You made new friends along the way and had been introduced into the Straw hat Pirates with Zoro. He still had his dream and doesn't look like he'll give up anytime soon.

Just now, you and the whole crew had headed into an Island you discovered, it was a small town filled with houses and buildings. Any how, an hour into talking to Zoro of what benefits you could have from such a small town, you lost track of time and eventually, your steps.

"This is your fault for not paying attention!!" you were yelling at him from the top of your lungs.

"How is it my fault?! You were the one who wouldn't shut up!" You were balling each other with crazy words and eventually stopped when you realized you won't go anywhere with all these fightings.

"How did we manage to get even more lost?!" You asked him looking defeated when you realize you had been circling around the town. In the end, you two ended up asking a local for directions and finally settled onto the deck the ship was.

"WHERE HAVE YOU TWO BEEN?!" Nami stormed and smacked Zoro in the head while screeching that they had been waiting for the two for almost 2 hours on deck.

"We would've left you two if you weren't useful." she stormed off clapping her hands.

"How come I'm the only one she hit?!" . "She loves me" You said flipping your hair.

—Honestly, with you, Zoro feels contented, he knows his heart longs for even if it's the most stupid reasons. It's basically a date but imagine being crazy together, seems nice right? Either way you enjoy each others company and would catch glimpses of each of you looking at each other with the most light blush. It's just two idiots in love without being aware, it's complicated but for sure being together and fooling each other is a date planned between the two of you. Besides, he doesn't know since when he developed these feelings for you. Just take care of him, please.

Cokou 2024, all works belong to me.

[queenshelby]

An Illicit Affair

Part 21: CAUGHT

Pairing: Cillian Murphy (46) x Reader (23)

Warning: Age-Gap, Taboo Relationship, Infidelity

Inside the kitchen, Cillian poured you two a glass of wine and heated up the food while you watched, marveling at how easy it was to be around him. It wasn't just his charm or experience, but the passion that seemed to radiate from him. It was infectious and invigorating.

As you sat at the dining table, picking at the delectable dishes laid in front of you, the two of you started talking, about everything and nothing. You discussed everything from poetry to life choices, the conversation flowing naturally, almost effortlessly, as if you had known each other for years.

And then, eventually, he brought up his wife and the fact that, on the morning of this very same day, he had phoned his lawyer.

"I am filing for divorce," he confessed with a solemnity that turned the atmosphere heavy with a looming sense of foreboding. "I just can't do it anymore," he sighed heavily but with a hint of excitement in his voice. 

His words hung in the air, weighty and inevitable. You sipped from your wine glass, feeling a sudden chill seize you. 

"Please tell me that it's not because of me," you demanded, your voice wavering slightly.

"No," he reassured you, grabbing your hand across the table. "It's just...I can't pretend anymore. I can't keep pretending that I love her when I don't and, after all she has done to me over the years, I am certain that, leaving her, is what I need in order to be happy," he confessed.

His words pierced your heart, and you felt a sense of guilt creeping up inside you. Despite his reassurance, you couldn't deny the fact that you had somehow played a significant role in the end of Cillian and his wife's relationship, although it wasn't intentional. Your affair had started off as a simple short-lived escape from reality for both of you, but now that you confessed your feelings for one another, it was much more than that.

"What are you thinking?" Cillian asked, his voice soft and soothing.

"I just hope you know what you're getting yourself into," you replied, your voice barely above a whisper. You couldn't deny the guilt you felt over what was happening. "She might try to ruin your career," you warned, causing Cillian to nod.

"I know, but like I said, I cannot keep going like this," he confessed. "Life is too short, and I refuse to let her dictate how I should live mine."

You both fell silent for a moment, the gravity of the situation soaking in. The thought of Cillian's name being dragged through the mud was unbearable - even if you felt confident that he was making the right decision.

"What about us?" you finally asked, your voice barely above a whisper. "Will there ever be an 'us'?" you wanted to know, causing Cillian to gaze at you, his intense blue eyes meeting your own.

"I want there to be an 'us' Y/N," he affirmed, squeezing your hand. "But I have to take care of this first," he explained, a solemn expression crossing his face. "And to tell you the truth, I do not know how I would ever explain this to Max," Cillian sighed, seeing that until just a year ago you were dating him, his very own son.

"I know. It seems like an impossible situation," you agreed, a twinge of sadness creeping into your voice. "But once you finalise your divorce, we may be able to come up with a plan to address this," you told him, a determined glint in your eyes.

Cillian nodded solemnly, a faint smile playing on his lips.

"I could not possibly ask you to wait for me, Y/N. You are young and deserve better than someone like me, who comes with baggage," Cillian admitted, a look of regret flashing across his handsome features as the weight of his words settled between them.

"Cillian, I am in love with you," you declared before taking in a deep breath. "And it's not something that I thought would happen when we started sleeping with each other, but it did," you confessed with all the sincerity you could muster. "So, I think me waiting for you to sort out this mess might be worthwhile. Despite, we can still go on like this, in secret, for the time being," you suggested, your voice hopeful.

Cillian's eyes lit up, his surprise palpable. "You'd do that for me?"

"I would," you replied, a determined expression on your face. "But only if you promise that we will work towards something real after all this is over."

"I promise," he assured you, cupping your cheek before placing a tender kiss on your lips. The promise of a future together was exhilarating, yet tinged with uncertainty. You knew it would not be easy, but the thought of being with Cillian - of sharing yourself fully with him - made the struggle worthwhile.

After you finished your meal and settled on the sofa together, the hours crept towards midnight. The two of you were cocooned in a blanket of warmth, your legs tangled together as you shared stories of your lives.

You relished in the opulence of his penthouse suite, the skyline of London bathed in an ethereal glow as the city lulled to sleep outside. The sounds of the city seemed to fade away until only the gentle hum of his heater filled the silence. Your head rested on Cillian's chest, lulled into a peaceful trance by the steady beat of his heart.

You glanced up at the clock, noticing the time had slipped past the midnight hour. Reluctantly, you detangled yourself from him and stood up.

"I should get going," you mumbled, stifling a yawn. "Early start tomorrow."

Cillian grabbed your hand, his face unreadable in the dim light. "Can't I convince you to stay?"

You hesitated, the desire to spend the night beside him battling with the responsibilities that awaited you in the morning. 

"I guess I could get to work straight from here," you mused aloud, glancing up as a sly grin spread across Cillian's face. He tugged gently at your hand, pulling you towards him and trapping you within the circle of his arms.

"Good, then stay," he murmured, nuzzling your hair.

A sigh escaped your lips and you leaned into his embrace, feeling as though you could remain in this moment for an eternity. 

"Okay," you agreed, reaching up to brush a stray lock of hair away from his forehead. "But only if you promise me something," you declared, looking him directly in the eyes.

"Anything," he vowed, his voice low and ragged with desire.

"You will let me sleep," you giggled. "No fooling around," you commanded, your voice barely audible.

Cillian merely chuckled at your words, kissing the top of your head affectionately. "How about a little more fooling around and then I will let you go to sleep," he teased, nipping at your earlobe with his teeth.

"Hmm, not fair," you whispered, closing your eyes and loving the sensation of his lips on your sensitive ear.

He placed his hand underneath your chin, tilting it upwards slightly. His lips found yours in a soft kiss, his tongue tracing the seam of your lips. You opened your mouth to allow him entrance, the taste of wine still on his tongue as it danced with yours. His hands roamed over your body, exploring every inch of you.

Despite your exhaustion, your body immediately responded to his touch, a slow burn working its way through your veins as arousal built within you.

"I am going to be sore tomorrow, won't I?" you joked, pulling back from his embrace and smiling up at him.

Cillian chuckled softly, his arms still wrapped around your waist. "That's the idea. I want you to remember this moment tomorrow, so you know how much I want you," he admitted, his eyes twinkling mischievously.

You shivered, your body aching for his touch, but your mind still tried to resist, knowing that the morning would soon be upon you.

"The sheer thought of being tired and sore from having been fucked by you all night is quite the turn on," you said, biting your lower lip in anticipation.

"Oh, yeah? That's good to know," Cillian murmured, capturing your lip between his teeth for a playful nibble.

His hands slid up your back, lifting the hem of your shirt and caressing the bare skin beneath. You gasped, your body tingling with anticipation.

His t-shirt came off next, revealing his toned but slim frame and the smattering of freckles across his shoulders.

You couldn't help but trace the line of freckles with your fingers, savoring the feeling of his bare skin against yours.

Cillian then captured your lips in a deep kiss, his tongue tracing the contours of your mouth.

You yielded to him, allowing yourself to become lost in the passion of the moment. Your hands roamed over his chest, feeling the defined muscles beneath your fingertips.

Despite your earlier reservations, your body begged for more. Each brush of his skin against yours sent a shiver down your spine. His cock hardened against your leg, the sensation making you gasp and, by this point, you were so engrossed within each other that you didn't realize that Max had walked through the front door.

"What the fuck!" Max exclaimed, his eyes widening in horror as he realized the scene that was unfolding before him after his mother had sent him to Cillian's apartment to get something for her, knowingly, claiming that his father wasn't home. 

To be continued...

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[ftwdb]

Don't Say Go

Chapter 19

Summary: Soulmates find each other through what is known as The Pull. A sense within a persons body that their soulmate is within reach that guides them to find them. You find yourself following this Pull, guided by vague dreams of a man you can't quite see, until you collapse in the wild and are found by Troy, your soulmate, who has been following the same feeling toward you for days.

Once connected soulmates are able to share emotions through their bond, as well as being able to sense where the other is. But how this force works is very much a mystery still, it can vary from soulmate to soulmate, and just sometimes a connection too deep can lead twist a bond from something beautiful to, well...

Warnings: Dark themes, sexual content, violence, non-graphic description/implications of SA, child abuse and domestic violence. References to addiction. Unhealthy love/obsession/relationships. Soulmate AU. Eventual smut. Love triangle.

You made it back to the ranch undetected and spent the rest of the night curled up beside Troy in the med tent. You didn’t sleep, constantly listening for noise. Voices or gunfire, the truck’s engines. But nothing came. You were just about fading into sleep as the sun began to rise when Troy made a sound, his eyes flickering open.

“Troy?” you say, hopefully.

His blue eyes find you and his lips twitch in a smile.

“I’ll get Jake—“

His hand grabs yours, he must have used all his strength to keep you beside him.

“No. Not yet. Stay.”

You hesitated, scared that something could go wrong. But as his eyes focused on yours you couldn’t resist, sensing his need for you. You lay back down beside him, looking him in the eye and speaking gently.

“What were you thinking huh?”

Troy doesn’t need to ask what you mean.

“Kept you safe…” he says weakly.

You shake your head.

“Not like that. Please. Never like that again.”

Troy looks confused, his brow furrowing before he winces with the pain in causes in his head.

“Have to. Do anything…”

You sigh, understanding the feeling. Remembering your own rage and desperation when you’d seen him brought in covered in blood and unmoving.

You gently run a hand through his curls, avoiding the parts that were clumped with his blood. You sigh.

“I know. I know.”

He closes his eyes, his lips turning up as he makes a low sound in his throat. Then he says something so quiet you’re sure you hadn’t heard him right and lean closer, your heart pounding.

“What… what did you say?”

His eyes open slowly, foggy but focused on your face.

“Marry me.”

It wasn’t a question. Your heart pounds. It was an inevitability. You stare.

“Marry… you?”

Troy smirks.

“You gonna say no?”

You shake your head.

“Of course not… but… you’re injured and probably concussed and it’s the end of the world anyway, who gets married in the apocalypse? Does marriage even mean anything anymore? Does it matter what denomination we are or can we just make up whatever we want—“

Somehow Troy had found the strength to lift his head and kiss you, until he fell back against the pillow looking green.

“Bad idea. Gonna puke.”

“Shit,” you grab a bowl and prepare to help him. “Well, if that wasn’t the most romantic proposal ever…”

You watch as Troy sucks in a deep breath, steeling himself against the urge to vomit. His hand presses to his bandaged head and the IV in his arm tugs awkwardly. He grunts and pulls it out in frustration.

“Don’t-“ You try and stop him but he’s already groaning again. “I’m getting Jake—“

“Already here.” Jake’s voice is cutting as you turn and see him striding over, rolling up his sleeves. You feel his eyes chastise you for not fetching him sooner.

“He just woke up.”

Jake ignores you and immediately checks Troy’s vitals. Even though he looks like crap Troy smirks at his big brother.

“Did I have you worried?”

Jake’s expression is grim, “You always have me worried, little brother.”

“That I do Jakey. That I do.”

You watch as Jake does his work, moving off the bed even when Troy looks at you longingly. Jake grumbles under his breath, you can’t hear him but Troy chuckles at whatever he says.

“Can I do anything?”

Jake gives you a dark look.

“You can stay right there, so I know where you are.”

Your heart drops. Did he know where you'd gone last night?

You look down at your feet hoping Troy wasn’t able to pick up on the tension, but of course he could sense your anxiety growing by the second.

“What is it?” He asks, gently at first. When you don’t answer he turns to Jake, practically barking at him. “What happened?”

Jake shakes his head.

“Doesn’t matter. You’re on leave from your duties until further notice.”

Troy somehow manages to go an even paler shade of pale.

“What? The hell I am—!”

“Dad’s orders.” Jake snaps back.

You watch the brothers argue, shifting awkwardly on the spot with nothing to do or distract you until you speak up uncertainly.

“It’s just until he heals, right?”

Jake’s expression says it all and Troy’s eyes go dark. “Where is he? Where’s Dad? I can talk to him—“

Jake pressed a hand to Troy’s shoulder and pushes him back on the bed when Troy tries to get up. You move forward to put a reassuring hand on Troy’s arm as you look at Jake in confusion.

“Why would Jeremiah do that?”

Jake’s eyes snap to yours and you can see what he is thinking, can see his surprise that you’d even need to ask after Troy had gone off on a group of survivors who hadn't provoked them. You look away, ashamed slightly. You’d forgotten that what you and Troy might see as necessities for survival - no matter how brutal - still crossed the line for some people.

Thankfully Troy seemed too agitated to sense your feelings about the situation as he was trying to get off the bed again, knocking everything askew as his limbs flailed with an uncharacteristic lack of coordination.

“Troy! Please, settle down!” You handle him much more gently than Jake who looks like he is tempted to knock Troy unconscious again.

“He can’t do this!” Troy snaps. “The Militia is mine! He can’t take it away from me!”

Jake curses and slams Troy back on the bed. You jump back, surprised by Jake’s aggression as he gets in Troy’s face. “Of course he can! After what you pulled! Do you have any idea what you’ve done?”

You stare at Jake, realising you were missing something here. Troy merely stares at his big brother for a moment before his mouth curls in a snarl.

“There he is. Jeremiah Junior. You’re more like dad than you want people to see.”

You frown at that, sensing the tension building between them. Feeling something in Troy… something mixed in with his anger and resentment.

Sadness?

Pain?

You press a hand on Jake’s shoulder, your eyes set.

“Let me see to Troy. Go get some air.”

You knew he didn’t have to obey you. You had no authority and you were just a scrap of a thing yourself, barely recovered from almost dying of malnutrition and exposure. But Jake scoffed and stormed away, the flap to the tent whipping out dramatically around him. You look down at Troy.

“You wanna tell me what that was about.”

Troy grunts and relaxes slightly, his body still exuding tension.

“Just… brother stuff.”

“You can’t lie to me,” you sit down beside him again and gently boop his nose. “I can feel it.”

Troy raises an eyebrow, calling your bluff.

“Ok so maybe not exactly. But I can tell there’s something you’re hiding…”

Troy looks away from you, his expression difficult to read and his emotions even more so. It was like trying to grab hold of something in a wind tunnel, one feeling after the other flying around you. You couldn’t get a grip on what was going on. And yet all that betrayed his inner turmoil was the tension of his mouth and the narrowing of his eyes. You lean down and kiss his cheek, gently.

“Let me go and get a fresh bandage for your head. Then we can talk.”

Troy’s hand snaps out an grabs your own. Your left hand. His eyes travel up your arm and to your face as his thumb gently strokes your ring finger.

“You didn’t answer.” Troy says quietly.

You hesitate.

“I didn’t know if you meant it…”

Troy’s eyes fix on you and you feel your chest expand with emotion, all consuming, needy, desperate and wanting…

Troy’s feelings.

“I never say something I don’t mean.”

He tells you this as he tugs you closer. You lean over him, confused by his sudden change in mood. He’d gone from angrily cursing his father to… this. Looking at you like you were the last sip of water in the desert.

“I… Troy, is it something you really want?”

His eyes are glued on yours and you can tell he is also picking through your emotions. You chew your lip, hoping he won’t be offended by your reluctance. Your doubts. Because they weren’t about him. Not at all…

“What are you afraid of?” Troy asks as he tucks your hair behind your ear.

You take a long breath as you try and figure out how to answer.

“I just never thought marriage really mattered… especially with a soulmate. I’m already yours, right? And you’re mine?” You try not to think about Nick. About the confusing feeling in your heart and gut that you were desperately trying to suppress.

Troy regards you curiously for a moment and you focus on your feelings for him. The sense of safety and belonging he gives you. He seems to relax.

“You are. And I am.”

You smile.

“I’m not saying no… just… it doesn’t mean more to me than just being with you as we are. But if marriage is something you want, that you need… then I’ll say yes. Always yes, Troy.”

His face breaks into a smile you’d never seen on him before.

“You will?”

You could laugh at the sudden boyishness about him.

“Yes Troy. I will… or I do. Whatever it is people say now.”

You’re pulled down to kiss him, trying not to fall against him in his injured state but Troy doesn’t seem to care. He’s all wild tongue and teeth and hands in your hair, holding on tight as you try to keep from passing out from lack of air. Eventually he relents and you’re able to sit up, head spinning slightly.

“Whoa…”

He sniggers at your reaction.

“Still got it, even half-dead.”

You slap his chest playfully.

“You’re crazy, you know that?”

“So I’ve been told.” Troy’s expression softens as he looks at you, all flustered and pink cheeked now. “You’re beautiful, have I told you that before?”

You feel your cheeks colour, “You're concussed.”

Troy’s lips are a wonky smile.

"Yeah, but I'm right."

You shake your head and sigh.

"I am not arguing with an invalid."

Troy makes a face.

"Don't call me that. You might as well say I'm impotent."

You feel your cheeks flush, knowing he just doesn't like being injured and feeling like he wasn't useful. Troy seems to catch your embarrassment and his lips twitch.

"Something on your mind?"

You make sure to keep your expression blank when you reply.

"Of course not. Not at all. Why?"

"No reason. Except I can feel what your thinking."

You curse the bond you share for a moment before you remember what you had learned about your connection through The Pull.

"Troy... you know that this thing we share isn't... normal. Right?"

Troy watches you for a moment before shrugging.

"So?"

You look at him with surprise as he settled himself more comfortably on the bed, looking tired again.

"You knew?"

"I think we should talk about this later. Not here. Not now."

You nod.

"Okay..." You watch as Troy closes his eyes. "Are you in pain? Shall I get you something?"

He nods slowly, a hand reaching out for you. When you take it he tugs you toward him gently.

"Just... stay with me for a while."

You settle on the edge of the bed beside him as he lays with his eyes closed. After a few moments you start to softly run your hands through the curls on his head, pausing when he makes a noise in his throat. One eye opens and he smirks.

"Don't stop."

You smile back.

"Only because you're hurt. Don't expect me to be so nice all the time."

Troy chuckles as he tilts he head toward you more.

"Noted. I'll milk this moment for all its worth then. Do I get a sponge bath too?"

You're glad his eyes are closed as you feel your cheeks heat up. You tug his hair slightly harder as a warning for him not to get too cheeky. Troy grins.

"I like that."

Oh Jesus.

"Just.. get some rest."

"Yes, ma'am."

You sigh and continue to run your fingers through his hair until you're sure he's asleep. When he's breathing deeply you pause, looking around and listening for approaching footsteps. When you hear nothing you lean forward and rest your cheek on his chest, closing your own eyes and listening to the steady beat of his heart. The sound brings you comfort, a sense of calm. You close your eyes. This was where you belonged, no matter what was going on with Nick and The Pull. It must have been a fluke. A rare mistake somehow.

Troy was your soulmate.

This was home.

Right?

[mymoodwriting]

26.7k, yandere, illegal activities, racer car driving, speeding, drinking, avoiding authorities, alcohol, drunk behavior, medication, drugs, needles, amnesia, smut, gang bang, female penetration, fingering, unprotected sex, handjob, cum play, cream pie, birth control pills, bruising, undercover operation, criminal acts, robbery, kidnapping, manipulation, verbal abuse, near dead experience, car accident, interrogation, restraints, lies, deceit, deja vu (@starillusion13)

I know you get deja vu...

    Opening your eyes felt strange, as if you had been sleeping for days and were finally waking up. You took in a soft breath, seeing an unfamiliar environment. Your senses slowly came to, and you heard the beeping of a machine. You lazily looked over, seeing what appeared to be a masked doctor checking an IV drip, intending to add something to it. Your eyes slowly followed the line until you found the needle, feeling it sticking out of your arm.

“… what…”

“Hm, you’re awake?”

“Am… am I… in a hospital?” You looked around. “What happened?”

“Uh… what’s the last thing you remember?”

“My head… it’s fuzzy… wait, what day is it?”

“It’s Sunday.”

“Okay, I didn’t miss classes…”

“It’s summer though.”

“Huh? No, it’s… what’s the date?”

     You needed to hear the date twice, not wanting to believe what you were hearing. Because if it was true, then there was a six month gap in your memory. 

“Do you really not remember the last six months?”

“What happened…”

    You looked up at the person with you, on the verge of breaking down in panic. You were so scared and confused when suddenly a familiar face came into the room.

“Y/n!”

“Chan!”

    The tears spilled out when Chan came over to hug you tight. Even if you didn’t understand what was going on, having him here brought you relief. You weren’t alone anymore. He let you cry until you exhausted yourself, completely ignoring the other person in the room as they left, not even asking for them to get the doctor. At the moment he was just glad you were alive and awake.

“Chan… Chan, what’s going on?” You sniffled. “What happened?”

“You don’t remember?”

“No… but the other person… what’s the date…”

“Y/n, what-”

“I’m missing six months… my memory… what’s happening?”

“Easy, just take it easy, everything’s going to be alright.”

    You had so many questions, but Chan insisted on getting a doctor first to look you over and make sure everything was alright. That’s when you learned how you wound up in the hospital. You had been in a car accident, a bad one as it had flipped over and rolled. You were found unconscious, upside down and buckled into the driver’s seat of the car. Now you were starting to feel all your wounds. The bruises and cuts that decorated your skin, not to mention the whiplash and head injuries. You were lucky nothing had broken, except your mind apparently. The head trauma is most likely what cause the amnesia. Theoretically you should regain your memories, but there was no way to know for sure.

“What happened, Chan?”

“I don’t know. You were driving alone late at night on an empty street. There’s no CCTV to look at, so no one knows what happened to you that night. Only you do, but you’ve forgotten.”

“So I have to remember…”

“You don’t. You’re alive, that’s all that matters. It’s probably best if you don’t remember that horrible night anyway.”

“Chan.”

“Hm?”

“Six months ago I was in school. If I don’t remember I’d basically have to retake a whole semester.”

“Are you seriously worried about that right now?”

“Kinda… all that tuition money…  just down the drain… not to mention my education…”

Chan scoffed. “I cannot believe that’s your biggest concern right now. How about you focus on your recovery first.”

“But-”

“Look, I’ll take care of everything, including you.”

“Me?”

“You think I’m just gonna drop you off at your apartment when you get discharged? You’ll stay with me until I deem you fit to be on your own again.”

“I can take care of myself.”

“Did you already forget how you wound up in the hospital? You were driving alone in the middle of the night!”

“I…”

“I’m sorry.” Chan quickly apologized. “I didn’t mean to scold you or anything like that… I just don’t want you on your own anymore, at least until I’m sure you’ll be alright.”

“I get that… thank you… and I’m sorry too…”

“For what?”

“I can’t imagine the kind of worry I put you through.”

“Yeah, you have no idea, but I’m just glad you’re safe now.”

    You had been unconscious for about three days, having been rushed into emergency surgery upon your arrival. Chan had been staying with you all this time, only stepping out to get food or take a call to keep the others updated. Now that you were up and doing well you could properly start your recovery process. You stayed in the hospital for a little over a week, and then got discharged into Chan’s care. He took you to his place. His loft that you were thankfully still familiar with. There were a few new things though, but you couldn’t explore much until you were better on your feet. So until then Chan attended to your every need, even when you protested. Although he tended to disappear at night, for work.

    You wanted to ask about that. A lot changed in six months, but you were certain he didn’t want to talk about it, so you waited. Once you were good on your feet, you kept it to yourself. So one night when Chan put you to bed and went out, you got up and went into one of the other rooms. It wasn’t his bedroom, but his office. Six months ago it had been mostly empty. A few papers hung on the wall, some basic points written on the whiteboard, and some question marks over some silhouettes. Now nearly every inch of the wall was covered with reports, or newspaper clippings, or hand written notes. Although there was a new question on the whiteboard.

“Who are the Black Pirates?”

    Eight pieces of red string led from the question to eight headshot silhouettes. Christopher Bang was your childhood friend who had grown up to become a cop, and Chan was the name he had taken upon going undercover. You probably shouldn’t be here, a part of his fake life, but you didn’t want him to be alone. Besides it wouldn’t hurt to have some piece of his real life around, something to keep him grounded and remind him who he really was deep down. Six months ago he was just getting started, having recently gathered up a team and making his way into the illegal street racing scene. From all the information on the wall, the operation was still going, but you weren’t sure if there had been progress. So while you had the chance you looked around, seeing what he had been up to all this time.

❤

“Y/n, what are you doing in here?”

“Uhm?”

    You woke to the sound of Chan’s voice, slowly lifting your head off the desk. It seemed you had fallen asleep at some point during all the reading.

“What time is it?”

“Like five in the morning.”

“And you’re barely getting home?”

“What are you doing in here?”

“Just some light reading…”

“Why.” 

    Chan went over to you, grabbing the papers you had been sleeping on. You merely yawned and rubbed the sleep from your eyes.

“I was just curious. Last I remember you had just begun this whole operation.”

“If you had questions you could have just asked.”

“And would you have answered me properly?”

“…”

“I thought so.”

Chan sighed. “You know this is meant to be top secret information, right?”

“That you just leave splayed out like this where anyone could see.”

“Not just anyone knows where I live. Nor could they get in so easily.”

“Touché.” You looked over at the whiteboard. “You’ve made some progress though. I guess the Black Pirates are an eight member gang.”

“In theory.”

“Theory?”

“There could be members that don’t go out on the field, or members that only participate in gang activities. All we know is that when it comes to committing crimes, the Black Pirates are seen as an eight member gang. At least that’s been consistent the last few months.”

“And you have no idea who it could be?”

“I might have a group of suspects.”

“Oh, who?”

“It’s just a gut feeling, nothing more.”

“So, no real progress then?”

“If it was that easy to catch them I wouldn’t need to go undercover.”

“Right… how are the others?”

“Good, and happy to know you’re alright too.”

“Tell them I said hi, and to come visit me.”

“I’ll relay the message. Now you should go back to bed.”

“Fine.”

    You got up and stumbled a bit, your legs still asleep, but Chan insisted on walking you back to your room. You slept in until Chan woke you to eat breakfast, and then you went back to sleep for a bit more. Now that you weren’t bedridden you could start catching up on things. First off you needed a new phone, as yours got destroyed in the crash. Chan had already prepared one for you and added your old contacts. Everyone you messaged was glad to hear from you, having been getting updates from Chan beforehand. You made sure to thank him for all he had done.

    Since you were talking with friends again, you brought up last semester and started looking into your academic record. Chan still didn’t want you on your own, so he brought over some of your school things. You had passed your previous classes, and by looking over at your notes it seemed you understood the material well. Everything felt kinda hazy, but you figured you could continue with your planned classes for next semester without worry. Besides, Chan promised to cover your tuition for the next year, along with any other expenses so you didn’t feel like you were wasting money. 

    He still didn’t like the idea of you regaining your memories, but he was going to support you and your choices.So you slowly began to live your life again. It was a bit difficult adjusting to the sudden time change, but you managed well. Once you were in a better condition you decided to meet up with friends, do a bit of catching up, but it was all mostly from them. You kinda felt bad, hearing all these stories and not being able to remember them. It kinda created this distance between you and your friends. You had fallen behind, and you weren’t entirely sure you could catch up. You didn’t say any of this out loud, but it weighed heavy on your mind. You wanted to remember, but you also understood why Chan didn’t.

    You had gotten into a horrible accident. All you knew about it was what you had been told, and the injuries you were recovering from. Chan didn’t let you look at any of the crime scene photos, and he had already asked your friends not to bring up the subject or engage. Truth was you probably should have died that night, but you didn’t. So if you remembered what happened, you’d have answers, but you’d also relive that fear and pain. Maybe it was best to just move on and figure out your life without those six months, but something was also nagging at you from that forsaken void.

    One night you had made your way into Chan’s office again, not seeing anything new. You felt bad. All these months and he hadn’t made any real progress. Now you knew undercover work could take years, but you still wanted to help in any way you could. Chan had been working for months, but for you it felt like just yesterday he had started, and just yesterday he was a different person. You hadn’t mentioned it to him, but you knew he had changed. You couldn’t be sure if your accident was the reason, but Chan wasn’t the same person you remembered. He was a lot more cold and serious, even to you. It seemed like he was trying not to be, but it was a part of him now.

    While you stared at all his work you found something new on the desk. A sticky note with an address scribbled on it. You typed it into the internet, and going by the location, it seemed to be where the illegal street racing was going down. It was probably a bad idea, but you were curious to see what Chan’s work environment looked like. So you got dressed, finding something you felt was appropriate for the occasion. You caught a taxi, having it drop you off near the area, and then going your own way. For a moment you thought you were wrong and had just come out to a rather deserted area where you were surely in danger, but then you heard it. The sounds of rubber on the pavement, the smell of alcohol in the air, and the wild cheering of the crowds of people gathered for the show.

    This area was out of sight, and a good distance from the main roads, yet it had its own racetrack, perfect for illegal street racing. Firstly you were relieved to see your clothes matched the event, so you wouldn’t stick out like a sore thumb. Although there were other ways to get noticed. You made your way into the crowd, looking around at the people, trying to find Chan. Not to get caught, but to know where he was and avoid him. Not to mention the rest of his crew. They’d surely tell on you if they saw you in a place like this. So you kept your eyes open and your ears sharp, picking up on as much information as you could. A race had just ended, and another was soon to begin. You were curious to see, so you tried making your way to the front, but that seemed impossible because of the crowds.

“What are you doing here?”

    You froze, thinking you had been caught, but the voice wasn’t all that familiar. So you slowly turned around, instantly relieved to see it wasn’t Chan or his crew, but someone else. They stared at you curiously, but also intrigued, and it was starting to make you a bit uneasy. Although there was something else about him too.

“Uh, what are you talking about?”

“You don’t look like you belong here.”

“Oh… is it that obvious?” 

The man chuckled. “You can say that.”

“Huh… well I was honestly just looking for a friend of mine…”

“I’m sure you were. Who are they? Maybe I know them.”

“I don’t know… does the name Chan ring a bell?”

“The leader of Stray Kids, of course. His crew is racing next, going up against The Boyz.”

“You know him?”

“He’s a good racer, but you’re not gonna find him out here. Come on, I’ll take you to him and give you a better show.”

“Uh…”

“Don’t be shy. I know you’re not the type.”

    Without waiting for a response the man took your hand and pulled you along. His grip was firm, so you couldn’t really pull yourself free. Besides he didn’t seem all that bad, so you figured you should at least see where this would go. He led you away from the crowds and over to a chained off area, like a VIP section. There seemed to be bouncers around, but they let him and you pass through without issue. Next thing you knew you were surrounded by cars, seeing all kinds, and watching the people around show them off.

“Ya, Wooyoung, what do you have there?”

“Look who I found!”

    Wooyoung, as you had discovered his name, brought you before what you assumed to be his friends. There were seven other guys, and four cars present. Now you understood where you were. This was where all the racing crews gathered and hung out in between races.

“Yeah, I bet you found them.” One of the others approached, watching you closely. “Nice to see you. What are you doing here?”

“She’s looking for her friend, Chan.”

“Ah, Chan of Stray Kids, and does he know you’re here?”

“No…”

“That’s rude, isn’t it? You’re friends and he won’t even invite you to his races.”

“He just worries about me.”

“I bet. Yet you came all on your own.”

“Yeah…”

“Interesting… oh, where are our manners, we haven’t properly introduced ourselves. My name is Hong-”

“Y/n!”

    That voice you did recognize, and hearing your name called out so harshly made you wince. You slowly looked back to see Chan storming his way over to you, the anger on his face clear as day. He grabbed your arm and yanked you away from the other. Before you could say anything to defend yourself he cut you off.

“You think this is funny?”

    You didn’t really know what he meant by that, until you realized he wasn’t talking to you. He was staring down at the guy you had just been speaking to, making you wonder why he’d be mad at them. The other just laughed, and the rest of his crew was chuckling too.

“Honestly, I find this hilarious, and oh so very intriguing.”

“Stay away.”

“Is that a threat?”

“It’s your one and only warning.”

    Chan walked off and tugged you along. You didn’t even say goodbye to the others, but it was probably best you didn’t speak. So you didn’t ask where Chan was taking you, or how he found you, or what that whole scene back there had been about. You wound up over with his crew. They all seemed confused by your presence but greeted you nonetheless, not asking questions. Especially not as Chan told Minho to race in his place, and you were shoved into the passenger side of his car. Chan put your seat belt on for you and slammed the door shut. Now you were sure he was mad at you. Still, you didn’t say anything until you were on the road, an empty road, and you were certain this wasn’t going home.

“Uh… Chan, where are we going?”

    He didn’t answer you, instead hitting the gas. You watched as the speed increased, making you grab your seat belt. Your heart was already pounding, filling your ears, and your head began to hurt.

“Chan…”

“…”

“Chan, slow down, you’re scaring me…”

“…”

“Chan!”

“…”

“CHAN!” 

    He slammed on the breaks and the car swerved to the side. Once it came to a stop you took off your seat belt and got out of the car, falling to your knees as you caught your breath. A moment later Chan got out of the car, glancing your way and leaning against the hood. He sighed and looked up at the night sky.

“That was dangerous, wasn’t it?”

“What is wrong with you!?” You screamed. “Why the hell did you do that!?”

“Cause… this is where it happened…”

“What?”

“Where you got run off the road.”

“Run off…” 

    You looked around, seeing the empty street. You had been told you were driving alone at night on an empty road with no CCTV, and that something happened that caused you to flip over. No other details were shared, until now it seems.

“What do you mean? How would you…”

“There were three different tire marks on the road, and your car had a few impact points. Suggesting, or confirming, you weren’t out here alone.”

“So it wasn’t an accident… but more of a hit and run… why didn’t you tell me? Why are you telling me now?”

“Because I’m not doing this again.”

“What-”

“Chan, please answer your goddamn phone!”

    You were still somewhat processing when you heard your own voice. You looked over to see Chan holding up his phone, playing back some recording of you, probably a voicemail. He couldn’t even look at you, eyes shut and head bowed as the message played.

“When you get this, please call me back immediately. You were right, okay? Shit was dangerous and… I fucked up, but it was an accident! I didn’t… shit, they caught up to me…”

    You could vaguely make out the sound of a car engine in the recording, two, hearing them get louder as they got closer. You sounded panicked, and started screaming when your car got hit.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck… Chan, I’m sorry… I know you told me to stay out of it… it’s my fault alright… please just call me back so I can tell you everything… I don’t know long I can do this… the Black Pirates-”

    Everything cut out as you heard the sound of a crash, and then the recording came to an end. Chan took in a breath as he put his phone away, and you could see the pain on his face.

“That… that was…”

“You were desperately trying to call me that night and I couldn’t answer the fucken phone in time…”

“So, the Black Pirates… they’re the ones that attacked me… but I don’t-”

“Six months ago you followed me to a race, and you made friends with the other crews. I told you to go home and stay out of my work but you insisted on helping me. I foolishly let you, but I didn’t know how deeply you had gotten involved… I don’t know what you were doing that night, or who you were with, or where… but I’m guessing you figured out who the Black Pirates were, and they figured out who you were too…”

“So I know who they are… or at least I did…”

“You almost died that night y/n, and I’m not putting you in danger again. So please, stay out of this.”

“I know who the Black Pirates are… so if I remember-”

“No!”

“But I can help, I-”

“What did I just say? I don’t want your help, I never should have let you in the first place. I’ll find those bastards and make them pay. There’s no reason for you to put yourself through that night again just for the sake of remembering them. That is if you actually know who they are. For all we know, you were getting close or they caught you in a lie and they chased you down for that alone.”

“I’m sorry…”

“I’m the one who should be apologizing… I shouldn’t have put you in danger… I’m sorry…”

“I made you worry a lot…”

Chan scoffed. “Yeah… yeah you did…”

“Sorry…”

“Just promise me you won’t follow me again, that you won’t get mixed up in that shit again.”

“I won’t… I promise… I’ll just stick to school, alright?”

“That’s good.”

    You took in your surroundings a bit more before Chan said he’d drop you off back at his place. You apologized for interrupting his night, but he admitted he felt relieved in telling you the truth. That way you knew to stay out of his work, and he could rest assured knowing you were safe. When he dropped you off you playfully wished him good luck, and told him to get back safe. Once back in the loft you went into his office, looking at these things one more time and your eyes landed on the whiteboard, staring at the question.

“Who are the Black Pirates?”

    You knew the answer, in theory, somewhere deep down, but it wasn’t worth looking for. Things were better off this way, and now you felt more certain focusing on your life, on your future, than looking into the past. You walked out of the office and shut the door behind you. It was scary to think you had gotten involved in such dangerous things, that you almost died, so you certainly had a new appreciation for life. If only that danger didn’t come back to find you.

❤

    Before the new semester began you gave yourself a bit of a refresher course on your previous semester classes, especially those that had been vital to the advancement of your academic career. Your friends even helped as well to make sure you were prepared. Although they all assured you, including Chan, that if you couldn’t handle the classes, there was no shame in dropping out and retaking the others. You stayed positive, but thanked them for their support. You were nervous on your first day, but that was just syllabus day and getting to know what to expect of the class. It all seemed manageable, and you had previous notes to look over if necessary. 

    Since much wasn’t going on yet your friends suggested going out for drinks to celebrate the beginning of the semester, and make wishes for the future. You were more than happy to attend. It’d be another thing to get your life back on track. So you showered and got dressed for a night of drinking and fun. You started off at a bar before going to continue the party at a karaoke place. You all sang your heart out, and once you were a good amount of alcohol in you all began to wind down. You all held your glasses up and made a wish for the future, whether it was for the semester or for life, but you all cheered each other on and wished for the best. 

    Definitely time to go home though, and you all sent each other off. You had called for a driver beforehand, so you messaged them to meet up with you to take you home. You waited outside the karaoke bar, dancing and singing to yourself, not as drunk as your friends but rather tipsy. You checked your phone when you were suddenly tapped on the shoulder. A nice boy smiled and bowed at you, asking if you were the lady who had called for a driver. You said yes and made sure to check everything to assure he was in fact your driver. He could see you were unsteady on your feet and made sure to hold you close.

“You know… you look kinda familiar… do I know you?”

The man chuckled. “I guess not.”

“What’s your name?”

“Yunho.”

“Hm…Yunho… pretty…”

    He opened the door for you and made sure you were alright in the back. He was a good driver too, making sure not to make you sick. Even if you were intoxicated you had enough awareness to notice he was going the wrong way. You had probably given him your apartment address without realizing.

“Excuse me, but you’re actually going the wrong way.”

“Am I?”

“Yeah, my bad, I must have given you the wrong address earlier.”

“No problem, so where am I taking you?”

    Yunho was very understanding and apologized for the confusion. When you got to the loft he helped you out of the car and took you up to your place, opening the door for you too. Chan wasn’t home, out working again, so you weren’t worried about him catching you like this, probably wouldn’t approve of it either. You thanked Yunho for everything he had done, especially all the extra bits to make sure you got home safe.

“Really, thank you.”

“Just part of the job.”

“But you did more than necessary.”

“It’s no big deal. Sleep well.”

“Thanks, and get home safe.”

“Will do. Goodnight.”

“Night.”

❤

    Your classes had their difficult moments, but that was always to be expected. You were doing well overall, so you could continue with your life as normal, focusing on your studies. Sometimes you would glance at Chan’s office, wondering if there was any progress, but you promised yourself you wouldn’t ask. To give him peace of mind and keep yourself safe. Now that you were back in school and doing well, you talked with Chan about returning to your apartment. He was reluctant, but understood that you were your own person, and had your own life outside of him. It was kinda weird returning to your apartment. Things had changed, but those changes were decisions you made, even if you didn’t remember. 

    It kinda wasn’t your own place, but it was. So when you had some time you’d move things around again, trying to be comfortable. Your life was soon back on track, and it felt like nothing had ever happened. Everything seemed fine. Chan still kept in touch with you, and assured you everything was alright on his end. You were doing well in class, no longer feeling like you were behind with your friends. Things were moving forward, and yet that’s when the past began to haunt you. It all started with a simple headache in class. You thought it was normal but it only got worse. So your friends took you to the hospital.

“Have you been trying to remember your accident?” The doctor asked. “Or recover any memories from the past.”

“No… my life is doing well without those six months… so there’s no point. Why?”

“Usually headaches suddenly coming on in such a manner are related to regaining memories. Have you remembered anything?”

“No… not really…”

“Do you want to?”

“I’m not trying.”

“I see. It’s been a few months since your accident, so it’s possible the memories are coming back on their own.”

“Oh… there’s no way to prevent that… is there?”

“Memories, and the way the mind functions, still have their mysteries. All I can do is prescribe you some medication to help ease the headaches. Take them as needed.”

“Thanks.”

    You called Chan after your visit and told him what the doctor had told you. He seemed concerned, also wondering if there was any way to prevent that. It’s not like you really had control over this, but you promised Chan you would keep him updated if you remembered anything, especially things related to his case. You were scared, but you didn’t tell him. You had no idea the type of things buried inside your head, or what they would change about you if and when they came to light. You tried not to worry about it, but whenever your head hurt, even just a bit, you were terrified. The medicine did help with the pain, but that wasn’t going to stop the inevitable.

“Are you okay?”

“Huh?”

    You’d always get distracted after a headache, worried you’d remember something horrendous. On this occasion you weren’t paying attention to where you were going, running into someone on campus. They could immediately tell you were kind of out of it, and showed concern.

“No, no, I’m fine.”

“You sure, you don’t look okay.”

“I’m fine.”

“You should sit down for a bit, collect your thoughts.”

“Yeah… yeah that’s a good idea.”

    The boy led you over to a bench, sitting down with you. He suggested some breathing exercises to help you calm down and steady yourself. 

“Thanks.”

“No problem. You sure you’re alright.”

“Yeah, just these headaches…”

“Are you taking anything for them?”

“Yeah, but it’s only for the pain.”

“What?”

“The headaches aren’t normal…”

“Are you sick?”

“No… I just got into an accident and I can’t remember some things… according to the doctor, these headaches probably mean my memories are returning…”

“And you don’t want that?”

“I’m scared…”

“Why?”

“Things happened… things I don’t really want to remember…”

“But I don’t think you can avoid it.”

“You’re probably right… sorry, I didn’t mean to dump my problems on you.”

“It’s okay. You’re looking better already.”

“Are you a freshman? I don’t think I’ve seen you around campus before… maybe a sophomore, you do seem a bit familiar.”

“Do I? I guess I just have one of those faces.”

“Maybe… what’s your name?”

“Yeosang.”

“Thank you, Yeosang.”

“No problem. Take care of yourself.”

    Yeosang excused himself first, wishing you well for the rest of the day. You certainly felt better after talking to him, but his words lingered. Remembering those months was probably unavoidable. You called Chan afterwards, admitting to the headaches getting worse and that you were bound to remember everything. He was worried about you, but he understood you probably couldn’t avoid it. So he suggested you come back to his place, to make sure you were somewhere safe when it happened. You agreed, saying you’d come by tomorrow after class. He looked forward to seeing you then, and told you to take care of yourself.

    You made it back to your apartment, happy to finally be home and unwind. You collapsed on the couch, reaching over for the TV remote only to not find it. You usually left it on the coffee table, but it wasn’t there. You checked on the couch, but nothing either. Then the TV turned on by itself. You slowly looked up at it, confused and frightened. When the channel changed you screamed, looking around your place frantically. You were alone, or at least you thought. A laugh suddenly filled your ears and you grew still. It sent a chill down your spine, especially cause you felt something vaguely familiar about it.

“Finally home.”

    You slowly turned around, finding a stranger leaning against the wall, twiddling a remote in his hand. Then you heard the floor creaking, seeing seven others appear, and you recognized some. Wooyoung from the race course, Yunho who drove you home that night, and the presumed student Yeosang. As all the lights were turned on you got a good look at everyone, beginning to recognize them all from the night you went to the street race gathering. You stood up in a panic, although there wasn’t much you could do as they had you surrounded. You reached for your phone only to have one of the boys grab your arm and take the phone from you. He tossed it over to Yeosang, who turned it off.

“Who… who are you, how did you get in here!”

“You really don’t remember anything, do you?”

“What?”

“But you’re about to, which means we don’t have to leave you alone anymore.”

“What… what are you talking about!?”

“It’ll make sense eventually. Let’s go.”

    Yunho came over and grabbed your other arm. You struggled against the two, but their grip was firm. While they held you another approached you, offering you a cocky grin before grabbing your head and exposing your neck. You felt a pinch, and then saw an empty needle moving away from your body, becoming fearful of the effects. Your heart was racing, but then you began to feel this exhaustion consuming you.

“No… no, please… please…”

    You tried fighting to free yourself, but it only made things worse. The edge of your vision started to go dark, and you were being dragged towards the door. You kept mumbling to be let go, but it did you no good, and the darkness eventually won.

❤

“Hmm…”

    As you began to regain consciousness you felt the restraints on your body. Your legs were tied together, as were your hands, and you were gagged and blind folded. You felt a cold surface beneath you, trying to move around and sit up. Although you froze when you heard a voice.

“Are you awake?”

    You didn’t answer, you didn’t move, but it was too late to pretend. You felt hands grab you and pull you up to your feet. You were shoved into a chair and then the blindfold was removed. It took a second for your eyes to adjust. You seemed to be in some type of garage, multiple cars around, and the eight from before surrounded you. Yeosang came up to remove the gag, and you didn’t scream, too frozen in fear.

“Goodness, you’re still so beautiful.” 

“What… what do you want… from me…”

“Isn’t the answer obvious?” One commented. “You.”

“Ma… me?”

“We could explain all of this, but with your memory returning there’s no point.”

“I don’t want my memory back…”

“But we do.”

“Just… just let me go… please…”

“Not gonna happen.” Yunho stated. “But you’ll be just fine with us.”

“No… no, please… let me go… I won’t say anything…”

“You don’t have to be afraid of us.”

“Let me go!”

“Stop asking.” Another snapped. “We’re not gonna let you go.”

“What do you want from me!?

“You!” Wooyoung yelled. “It’s so fucken annoying seeing you like this! This isn’t who you are!”

“Wa… what are you talking about?”

“Nine months ago you became a better person. You were fucken perfect! Then-”

“Easy there, Wooyoung.”

“Shut it, Jongho!”

“Ya! Both of you.” Another shouted. “We’re not here to fight among ourselves.”

    This gentleman came over to you, staring down at you and making you feel small. He laughed, the same from back at your apartment.

“It does hurt to see that I’m nothing but a stranger in your eyes right now. I didn’t really believe it at first when Seonghwa reported you had woken up with amnesia, so I sent some of my men to keep an eye on you. Yet every time you crossed paths with them, they were just strangers.”

“I… I don’t know who you are… any of you… and I don’t want to…”

“Well that’s too bad. Your little friend Chan got you involved, and you don’t get to walk away so easily.”

“How… how do you…”

“Once your memories come back everything will be clear.”

“No… I don’t want to remember…”

“But you will.”

“Fuck you!”

“Oh you did, all of us actually. I’d love to do it again.” He reached over and caressed your cheek. “Maybe that’ll help you remember.”

“Don’t touch me!”

“Fine. Let’s just go back to the beginning, shall we? Nine months ago you secretly followed your friend to a race. Care to guess how that went?”

“No… no, I don’t know…”

“Come on now, Wooyoung even told me he reenacted some things for you.”

“What…”

“You were so out of place, stood out like a sore thumb, you caught a lot of attention that night.”

“Stop talking…”

“We couldn’t help it, so we introduced ourselves, and brought you into our world.”

“Shut up!”

“I’m not going to!” 

    The boy grabbed your face and forced you to look at him. He was angry and sad, all mixed together and fighting for dominance. You just felt terror.

“I want my y/n back!”

“She’s not here!”

“But I will get her back.” He let you go and walked away. “If you’re not going to cooperate, then I’ll make you. It’s been months but you’re finally on the verge of regaining your memories. A little push shouldn’t hurt.”

“What are you talking about?”

    You saw the boy get something from one of the cars, a small case, and set it down on the hood. He opened it and you saw him hold up a small vial and a needle. You immediately began to struggle against your restraints, but it did nothing to help you. As he approached with a needle in hand you tried to move back, only for Wooyoung and another to come over and hold you still.

“This shouldn’t hurt, just open up your mind to remembering the past.”

“Stay away from me!”

“You’ll thank me later.”

    You felt the pinch of a needle again, your mind racing with possibilities. You had no idea what he had just given you or what the effects would be. Your head might explode in pain, or you’d simply pass. Although the gradual feeling of everything slowing down was certainly frightening. Things were fading from existence, and time seemed to melt. You tried to fight it, to stay awake, but there wasn’t anything to do as darkness swallowed you whole.

❤

Eight Months Ago…

“So this is your first big case?”

    Chan was always passionate about work, about justice, but you never imagined he’d take on such an assignment. Undercover work could take months, even years, but he was determined to do the job. Despite the confidentiality he shared a few details with you, after all, some of them were public knowledge.

“Yup. There’s been a string of robberies in nearby towns. From what we’ve gathered it seems these criminals have ties to illegal street racing.”

“Illegal street racing? Where does that connection come in?”

“They’re good drivers, very good, and you don’t see that with your average criminal.”

“True…”

“Besides that, a lot of these robberies happen in areas where these races have taken place. It’s still a theory, but there’s good enough evidence to pursue it.”

“So you’re going to participate in illegal street racing?”

“Yeah. I know where the gathering is tonight, so I gotta make a good first impression.”

“By yourself?”

“I’ve assembled my own crew.”

“Oh, can I go watch?”

“No.”

“What? Come on.”

“This is dangerous work, I don’t want you getting hurt.”

“But it sounds so fun!”

“And if you get arrested?”

“You can just bail me out.”

“Y/n.”

“No?”

“Please just stay out of this, and stay safe.”

“Alright fine, just don’t have so much fun without me.”

Chan chuckled. “I’ll try not to.”

    You kept your word about not getting involved. Although whenever you came over to his place you had to peek into his office to see what he had gathered. Not much as far as you understood, but you’d always enjoy listening to Chan give you a debrief. He probably shouldn’t be telling you about the operation, or even have contact with you while he was undercover. You didn’t want him to be alone though, especially if this assignment could take years. He probably should have objected, but he also didn’t want to completely lose touch with his actual life, especially the person he was closest to. Besides all that, it was good to voice his findings and get an outside perspective on things.

    For a while that was good enough, but curiosity was killing you. So one night you managed to put a tracking app on Chan’s phone, and followed him out to one of his races. You were a bit worried about how you were dressed, but upon arriving it seemed you’d fit right in. Or so you thought. Chan never wanted you there, so you had to be careful to avoid him, but you were also trying to find him. He was one of the racers, he had his own crew and everything, and you wanted to see him in action. You discovered there was a lot more going on here than just racing. It was like one big party with drinks and drugs, and all kinds of things.

“What’s a pretty little thing like you doing in a place like this.”

    You were lost in your own search that a strange voice startled you. The gentlemen immediately apologized and offered you a light bow. Although he kept a cocky grin on his face.

“First time?”

“Uh… is it that obvious?”

“Very. Are you alone?”

“Not exactly…”

“Makes sense. People don’t just wind up here without some sort of connection.”

“Yeah. I’m just looking for my friend.”

“Oh, who’s your friend, maybe I know them?”

“I doubt that.”

“Try me.”

“Chan?”

“Chan.”

“Yeah…”

“The leader of Stray Kids?”

“So you do know him?”

“Yeah, but you’re not gonna find him out here. Come on, I’ll take you to him.”

“Oh no, wait-”

    Before you could protest the guy grabbed your arm and pulled you along. You weren’t sure where he was taking you, or if it was a good idea to go along with them, but his grip was pretty firm. He led you over to this blocked off area, although the security posted let you both pass without any trouble. Soon enough you realized where he had taken you. There were cars all over the place, music blasting through the speakers, hoods popped open, and people talking about the cars. This is where the race crews hung out, and where they brought special guests.

“Guys, look what I found.”

“Oh shit, who’s the babe, Wooyoung?”

“This is… my bad, I never got your name.”

“It’s y/n.”

“Pretty. It’s nice to meet you, I’m Wooyoung, and these are my friends.”

    You were introduced to seven other boys, and they all seemed very happy to meet you. Although the leader came over to personally greet you.

“I’m Hongjoong.” The boy took your hand and kissed it. “Leader of this wonderful crew, Ateez.”

“It’s nice to meet you.”

“So tell me, what brings you out here tonight?”

“She was looking for her friend.” Wooyoung commented. “Chan.”

“Chan of Stray Kids?”

“That’s the one.”

“I didn’t know he had such good looking friends. Well that’s a lie, I’ve seen his crew, but I didn’t know he was hiding you.”

“He wasn’t really hiding me.” You corrected. “He just never invited me to one of his races before.”

“Well that’s rude. Why wouldn’t he invite you?”

“He just worries about me.”

“I guess I’d worry too if I had a friend like you.” Hongjoong laughed. “Come on, I believe Stray Kids are up next to race.”

    Hongjoong took your hand and led you over to the race course, taking you to a place with an elevated view. The rest of his crew gathered around, and you could see the cars driving up to the start line. The two revved their engines to hype up the crowd. You recognized Chan behind the wheel, becoming very excited to see this all play out.

“Who’s Chan racing against?”

“I don’t know, some random guy.” San replied. “It’s probably they’re first race against one of the big crews.”

“How many crews are there?”

“Uh, big ones, there are eight now. Everyone else is just trying to climb the ladder.”

“So how do you determine who’s on top?”

“Whoever has the most wins, and the crews’ skill behind the wheel.” Yunho explained. “No one ever really thought someone else would rise to the top, but Stray Kids really proved themselves.”

“So do the big eight ever race each other?”

“We do, but it’s usually a surprise, or for special occasions.”

“Wow, Chan has really been keeping a lot from me. I didn’t know he was so popular.”

“Stray Kids have skill, and there’s definitely natural talent there too.” Yeosang commented. “Although they’re quite stiff.”

“Stiff?”

“You know, cold and reserved. They’re good behind the wheel, but it kinda feels like they don’t fit in here.”

“Well maybe they need to loosen up.”

“Yeah?”

“This whole place looks like one big party. I would have thought Chan and his crew would fit right in.”

“Oh no, the real party happens elsewhere.”

“Does it?”

“Out here is where we come to race.” Seonghwa stated. “But if you want a party, I can send you an invite.”

“Really? Are Stray Kids going to be there?”

“You a big fan of theirs?”

“Well, I wouldn’t mind having some familiar faces around while I make new friends.”

“I suppose we should also give them a proper chance.” Jongho added. “See what they’re like off the track.”

“Sounds like fun.”

    You watched a few races before Ateez took you back over to their spot. Since you were new to all this they were very eager to show you their cars. Mingi brought you over to what he said was one of his favorites. He reclined back the driver’s seat so you could rest more comfortably on his lap. You kept an arm around his shoulders and listened intently as he told you about the car. As he revved the engine he had you bouncing up and down, making you giggle.

“You must like going fast.”

“That type of adrenaline, it’s intoxicating. Would you like a taste?”

“I don’t think I could drive a car like this.”

“You can be my passenger princess.”

“Isn’t it dangerous to have more than one person in the car?”

“Nah, that’s what makes it more fun.”

    You caught Mingi’s eyes lingering on your lips, and soon your eyes were doing the same. All of the Ateez members were quite beautiful, so anyone would be lucky to be sitting in Mingi’s lap right now, it just so happens to be you. Maybe you were imagining things, but you swear it looked like Mingi was leaning over to kiss you. That is before you got interrupted.

“Y/n?”

“Huh? Oh shit!”

    You heard your name being called, and when you looked over you saw Chan by the hood of the car. Your eyes went wide as you realized you got caught, especially in this type of situation. You tried to scramble out of the car, but Mingi already had his arm wrapped around your waist and held you in his lap.

“Mingi…”

“Chan?” Hongjoong peeked over at the scene. “What are you doing here?”

“Oh, right!” Wooyoung suddenly yelled. “We were supposed to call you and tell you your friend was here.”

“Were you?”

“Mingi, please let go.”

    Thankfully Mingi let you go, and you got out of the car to meet Chan. He was keeping his cool, but you could see the anger in his eyes. You offered a shy smile and let him grab your arm, dragging you off to speak in private. You prepared yourself for the scolding you were about to receive.

“What the hell are you doing here!”

“Look… I can explain…”

“Did I not tell you to stay out of this! How did you even find me?”

“A tracking app…”

“A what!” Chan checked his phone. “Unbelievable.”

“I know… you should take better care of your phone.”

“Y/n!”

“Sorry… I just got really curious about your case… I couldn’t help myself.”

“How long have you been here?”

“A couple hours… I saw you race too.”

“Seriously?”

“Sorry.”

Chan sighed. “Fine, whatever, you got what you wanted, now go home and don’t come back.”

“But I can help.”

“I told you I don’t want you too.”

“Well you need me to.”

“What?”

“I was chatting with Ateez and they told me about you and your crew. You worked your way up to the top, and they recognize you have talent, but they don’t like you all that much.”

“The social game is a work in progress.”

“Well I’ve given you a great chance.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Ateez mentioned something about a party tomorrow, outside the track, and they want me to come. So I convinced them to invite you too, that way you can all break the ice.”

“…”

“You’re welcome.”

“Y/n, this is fucken dangerous!”

“I know, and I’m being careful, alright. I didn’t approach them, they approached me, so that already puts me in a good position to gain their trust.”

“I don’t need you to help me out here.”

“But I can give you an advantage. Why wouldn’t these guys want to show off to some pretty girl? They’ll tell me things without hesitation, and that includes the illegal shit. Someone might just let something slip about those robberies around me, and they wouldn’t even be worried.”

Chan took a moment. “No. No this is too dangerous and you-”

“Please. I don’t want you wasting years of your life in all this. If I can help you gain the trust of the other crews here, or get you some valuable intel, let me.”

“I don’t want you in danger.”

“I’ll be careful, and I’ll stay within my own comfort zone. If I don’t like something, I’ll leave, I promise.”

“Y/n-”

“I promise.”

“Fine… fine, but don’t do anything reckless.”

“I won’t.”

    Even if Chan agreed to let you help him, he was still worried about you. So every now and then he’d check in and ask if you were alright, always reminding you that you could walk away whenever you wanted to. The reassurance was great, but you wanted to stick with him and see all this to the end. Being invited to that party was what really opened the door for both of you. Chan drove you to the place, and you were left in shock. You rolled up to a mansion, music blaring loudly, party lights illuminating the windows, it felt like something out of a movie. For a moment you thought how they could do such a thing without issue, and then remembered the long drive to get out here. There was no one else for miles and miles.

“Y/n! I’m so glad you could make it!”

    Seonghwa and Hongjoong greeted you upon your arrival, big smiles on their faces. Then they acknowledged Chan and the rest of Stray Kids. There was a bit of awkwardness in the air, but you figured some drinks and a party could loosen them all up. The two led you all inside, showing you where to get drinks, and where the entrance to the backyard was. There was a pool and you took note of that for next time.

“Come on, I want to show you around.” 

    Seonghwa took your hand and led you through the house. You knew Chan would probably worry about you, but you had your phone on you, and had promised to leave with him. So you’d see him again later in the night. You were honestly impressed by everything Seonghwa showed you, it was all so extravagant. Although when he led you upstairs you got a bit nervous.

“Should we be going up here?”

“No place is off limits, besides, it’s my house.”

“Wait, this is your place?”

“Yup.” Seonghwa chuckled. “Did you think we rented out a mansion for the party?”

“I… I don’t know… but… it’s huge… I can’t imagine how much it cost.”

“Plus the renovations.”

“Renovations?”

“Trying to increase the value. We’re planning on moving out in the next couple months.”

“Why? Did you find a better place than this?”

“Something like that.”

“Seriously though, how can you afford this? Who even are you?”

“What do you mean?”

“Street racing doesn’t pay the bills.”

“Doesn’t it?”

“Wait, do you guys make bets?”

Seonghwa laughed. “Of course. You think the people gather just to look at the pretty cars?”

“I… how much do you bet?”

“In the thousands, tens of thousands, but I do come from a rich family. Most of the racers from the big crews do.”

“Oh, do your parents know what you do?”

“They don’t care about me.” Seonghwa’s voice got somber. “They never did.”

“Neither do mine…”

“You? What kind of family do you come from?”

“An average one. We weren’t wealthy but we lived well. I was a good student, but I guess that was expected of me so my parents never really told me that they were proud… I got into Uni on a full ride, but that was expected too… I honestly did it so I wouldn’t owe them anything…”

“Do you still keep in touch?”

“Not really…”

“Me neither. Not like they’d be proud of me anyway.”

“I’m proud of you.”

“What?”

You giggled. “You’re quite famous in the racing scene, aren’t you? I haven’t seen you behind the wheel yet, but I’m sure you’re great. After all, you’re part of the big eight.”

“You’re funny.”

    Seonghwa brought you into one of the rooms on the second floor, his own, and took you out onto the balcony. You could see the party below, loving the atmosphere from the whole place. It was a nice view.

“This is a good little place to get away.”

“Yup, just the two of us.”

    You didn’t notice at first, but Seonghwa stepped away for a moment to bring over a bottle and two glasses. He poured you and himself a drink.

“Shall we toast?” You asked.

“To what?”

“Well, this may sound silly, but even if no one else is proud of me, I am. So I hope you can be proud of yourself too.”

“Proud?”

“Not everyone can be a street racer, right?” You leaned in close to whisper. “And I’m pretty sure you’ve avoided the police a lot.”

    Seonghwa scoffed and pressed a soft kiss to your cheek. His actions caught you by surprise, and when you saw his face you could see a soft little smile on his lips.

“To us.” He raised his glass. “For being proud of ourselves when no one else will.”

“To us!”

    You needed to be mindful not to drink so much. Even if the point of a party is to have fun, you were kinda working here. So you stayed with Seonghwa for a bit, just sticking to one glass and talking. You asked how he got involved in the racing scene, genuinely curious but also trying to get information. He didn’t mind, telling you that at first he had done so to get his parents attention. Buying expensive cars, especially those designed to go fast. It got him nothing, so he thought to get in trouble with the law but that’s when he met Hongjoong. The boy recognized the style of car he had and asked if he could race. At the time the answer was no, but Hongjoong took him under his wing and now here he was.

“You’re such a bad boy.”

“I hear girls are into that.”

“As long as they have a heart of gold.”

“Do I qualify?”

“I’m not sure.”

    You suddenly heard the door open, and you both peeked into the room to see another boy stumbling in. He noticed you two and smiled.

“My bad, looking for the bathroom.”

“On the second floor?” Seonghwa questioned.

“First floor is occupied with a little line.”

“Ah, well my bathroom is right there.”

“Thanks.”

    The boy stumbled his way over to the bathroom. He did seem vaguely familiar to you, so you asked Seonghwa.

“Do you know him?”

“Yeah. That’s Younghoon from The Boyz.”

“The boys?”

“Boyz, with a Z, but yeah. He was racing last night.”

“Oh, yeah, I saw him. The Boyz are a big group.”

“Eleven drivers, although the biggest would be NCT.”

“NCT?”

“It’s rare to see them all on the course, but they got different groups among themselves.”

“Damn… so besides them The Boyz are the biggest?”

“No, that would be Seventeen.”

“There’s a group with seventeen members?”

“No, the group name is Seventeen, but there are thirteen members.”

“Then why are they called Seventeen?”

“I’m not good at explaining, but we can go find one of them and ask.”

“Sure.”

    You liked the idea of socializing, getting to know more people so you’re not so much of an outcast anymore. Although as you were heading out Younghoon came out of the bathroom.

“Hold on, who’s the girl?”

“This is y/n, she’s new on the scene.”

“Makes sense. I haven’t seen such a pretty face. The name’s Younghoon.”

“Nice to meet you. I saw you race yesterday, you’re good.”

“Thanks. If you ever want a ride, just let me know.”

    Younghoon came over to you and took your hand, Seonghwa immediately grabbing your other one. He just made Younghoon laugh as he took out a pen and wrote down his number on your arm and signed his name.

“Call me.”

“I’m sure I will.”

    Seonghwa did end up taking you to meet some of the other drivers, and you may have gotten another handful of drinks along the way. Things did get blurry, but you had pieces of coherence every now and then. You remembered being on the dance floor with Wooyoung and Yeosang for a bit before getting pulled into a drinking game. Then there was the charades after a quick dunk in the pool, you wound up in some of Yunho’s clothes afterward. Although you swear you’ve never had so much fun in one night. As daylight began to peek over the horizon the people began to disperse, but some remained. You wound up slow dancing in the backyard with San for a while before passing out. Of course you weren’t staying over, but you needed to be laid down to rest. You weren’t able to relay that message to Chan, so in the morning he was looking around for you.

“Ya, Hongjoong, have you seen y/n?”

“Uh… she should be upstairs, I think they put her down in Jongho’s room, fifth door on the right.”

“Thanks.”

    Chan made his way upstairs, and gently knocked on the door before opening it. He walked in to find you curled up on the bed, cuddling with Jongho and mumbling.

“You’re like a teddy bear… can I take you home…”

Jongho giggled. “You can just stay with me.”

“Hm… that’s not a bad idea.”

“Y/n, we have to go.” Chan said. “Come on.”

    Jongho helped you up, getting you on your feet and going down with Chan to make sure you were alright. You said your goodbyes to Ateez, and thanked them for the party. You hoped to see them again soon. Chan got you into the back of the car and sat with you, Minho driving and Felix passed out in the passenger seat.

“That was so fun… did you not drink?”

“Someone needed to keep their head.” Chan explained. “Minho and Seungmin didn’t drink either.”

“Boo, next time you should have fun.”

“I see you sure did. What’s with all the phone numbers on your arms?”

“Oh… just gathering intel… I have more numbers on my phone… you can probably do something with them, right?”

“You… how many…” Chan grabbed your arm. “That was dangerous.”

“It wasn’t my idea… Younghoon liked me and gave me his number… then some others wanted to add to it.” You chuckled and started pointing out names. “This is Woozi, oh and here’s Jungwoo, that’s Jaeyoon… Yeonjun wrote his number on my arm somewhere…”

“Did she just do months of work in one night?” Minho questioned. 

“I guess.” Chan commented.

“Some things require a woman’s touch and I have more numbers on my phone.” You added. “Was running out of room on my arms, but Jooheon was happy to be the first to be in my contacts list. Look, he sent me a cute winky face message.”

“You really outdid yourself.”

“Hm… plus I got other things too… a lot of them come from wealthy families… a chaebol here and there… I didn’t know you guys bet money…”

“The illegal stuff isn’t just the racing.”

“How much do you have?”

“Enough to play.”

“You gotta tell me about these things.”

“How about a proper debrief when you’re sober. You should rest, you did a lot tonight.”

“Hm… yeah…”

❤

    After that first party a lot of things changed. Now you were in the loop about the case and the progress that was being made. With the information you gathered you were able to learn more about the racers, and who they were outside the track. Although that created a new issue.

“If these guys are our main suspects, then the question becomes why.” Changbin wondered. “The racing I get. A bunch of bored rich kids having fun, but committing crimes? They already have money, so what’s the point?”

“It’s the thrill.” Minho stated. “To do something illegal and then run away from the cops.”

“Yeah, but I’m sure even if they got caught they’d still walk free. So I ask again, why?”

“Maybe it’s just fun for them.” Jeongin said. “A game they play, or something they do just to see if they can. Like you said there won’t really be any consequences for them.”

“That alone creates a problem for us.” Chan reminded. “If there is no real motive behind these cromes, then there is no pattern to their actions. We can’t really get the upper hand on them, so we’d just have to wait for them to make a mistake. Which isn’t ideal. How are we with checking alibis?” 

“That’s a game in itself.” Jisung sighed. “We’ve got five robberies so far, and a long list of suspects. Thankfully they’re rather public figures so some of their alibis are out in the open.”

“Anybody clear?”

“Not all the way. Some still have no solid alibi for some nights, not to mention we don’t even know how big the group of criminals is.”

“Does anybody stand out to you?”

“Not really…”

“Are we even making progress?” Seungmin asked. “It doesn’t feel like it. I mean we could be completely wrong about these guys.”

“What about style?” You suddenly asked.

“Huh?”

“You told me that you were investigating the street racers cause the drivers at the crime scene were exceptionally good. Most drivers have their own style, or certain things they do behind the wheel. Is there any way you could try to compare the two, and see if anyone matches up?”

“Hm… there isn’t really footage of the illegal racing.” Hyunjin commented. “But if we study the CCTV footage of the car chases, we might be able to do an onsite comparison based on our memory. It could help us narrow down the list and give us a better idea who to focus on. Great idea y/n.”

“Happy to help.”

“You should have been with us from the start.” Felix added. “You’re good at this.”

“Well someone didn’t want me helping.”

“I still don’t really like this.” Chan said. “But you have been a big help, so thanks.”

“No problem.”

    Chan did have to draw the line at the CCTV footage. You could probably find it on the internet yourself, but he wasn’t going to let you look at police evidence. You were fine with that, it would be easier to just get close to some of the racers and see what you could get out of them. So you did just that, going to races when you could, but your education still took priority.

“Y/n! There you are! I didn’t see you last time.”

“I had an exam to study for. Couldn’t risk coming out and getting wasted.”

“You could have let us know you had a curfew.”

“But would you follow it?”

“Maybe…”

“Exactly.” 

    You got along well with all the racers, even those who weren’t in the big eight. Especially considering you were always in their area, considered more one of them than just another spectator in the crowd here to drink and bet. Stray Kids always drove you here and took you home, so you really just had to show up and enjoy yourself. Out of everyone though, Ateez seemed to like you the most, and they’d always find you when you were around.

“You really take school seriously.” 

“Of course. I’m trying to build my life here.”

“Or you could just settle down with me.” Yunho suggested. “I promise I’ll take good care of you.”

“Yeah? Well, I appreciate the offer but I must decline.”

“Come on, why? I’m good looking, I got money, I-”

“I don’t know you.”

“What?”

“Outside this life, I’m not sure who Jeong Yunho is.”

“Then perhaps you should get to know him.”

“Hm…”

“What’s going on over here?” Mingi asked, coming between you two. “Y/n, good to see you, missed you last time. I was racing and really wanted you to ride with me.”

You chuckled. “Some other time then. Although I might pass out. You guys go too fast.”

“That’s part of the thrill.”

“I guess I’ll see one day.”

    You wound up over with Ateez for the night, having a drink and relaxing on the hood of one of their cars. Even out there you could see the stars in the sky. You always enjoyed star gazing, but in a place like this it was far from quiet, and dangerous. You were just talking with San when suddenly you heard yelling, and the sound of sirens in the distance.

“Fuck, it’s the cops. We gotta go.”

“Cops?”

“Come on.”

    Hongjoong grabbed you and pulled you off the hood of the car, shoving you into the backseat. San was already behind the wheel, and once Hongjoong was in the passenger seat you began to move. You could barely sit up properly in the back, the car going so fast so quickly, it made you nervous.

“Can you… like slow down or something…”

“Gotta outrun the cops.” San apologized. “I don’t feel like spending a night in jail, or getting my baby impounded.”

“Alright then…”

“You good back there baby?” Hongjoong asked.

“Yeah… yeah… I didn’t know cars could go this fast…”

“Well hold on tight.”

    Somehow you managed to get your seat belt on, and kept your head low. You were definitely scared but this was also quite exhilarating.

“Do you guys do this often?”

“What? Run from the cops?” San questioned.

“Yeah…”

“Maybe more than most.”

“Those pigs rarely find us racing.” Hongjoong said. “But I guess even they get lucky sometimes.” 

    You almost hit your head a few times on the journey, but when San swerved off the main road into a parking garage without warning, you smashed your face against the headrest of the seat in front of you.

“Y/n! Are you okay!?”

    Hongjoong quickly got out of the car and checked on you, seeing you had a bit of a nosebleed. San had also gotten out, looking into the back.

“Look what you did!”

“We got away, didn’t we!”

“I’m fine.” You assured. “Did I get any blood on your seats?”

“Who cares about that.”

“It’s expensive…”

“Cars can be fixed, can’t say the same about people. Come on, get some fresh air.”

    You got out of the car, San coming over to hand you some tissues to clean up the blood. They were really worried about you, but you were fine. Now that the immediate danger had passed, you found yourself smiling.

“That was insane. You guys really know how to drive. I could never imagine outrunning the cops. I guess it’s not just about being fast.”

“It’s a whole other world behind the wheel.” San said. “Sorry this is how you got a taste.”

“At least I’m not in a jail cell, right?”

“Exactly.”

    You all hung around for about an hour to let the heat die down. Then you drove back to the Ateez house, meeting up with the rest of the crew and a few others who had escaped the police. That’s when you got a call from Chan and told him that you were alright and with Ateez. He said he’d come by to get you, so just wait for him.

“You know you could just stay the night.” Wooyoung suggested. “We got plenty of room for you.”

“I appreciate that, but I have classes in the morning.”

“We can take you.”

“If I show up in one of your dope ass cars, I will get so many questions.”

“Are you not already the center of attention at school?”

“I go to a big university, plenty of other people get more attention than me.”

“Then they’re all blind.” Mingi yelled. “You are the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen.”

“Stop it before I die of embarrassment.”

    You played a few games while you waited around for Chan. Despite their desire for you to stay, you couldn’t, and said you would some other time. You wished the good night and went on your way with Chan. Once you were alone with him you had questions.

“What the hell was that tonight?”

“What?”

“The cops showing up?”

“You think I control all the police? Sometimes they get wind of a race and come to arrest people. Also, not every other cop in the area knows we’re undercover. This was bound to happen.”

“And if I got caught?”

“I would bail you out.”

“Now you say that.”

“Well now you’re part of the team. Besides, a lot of people split up, us included. It was a good opportunity to see what these guys look like driving away from the police.”

“True.”

“Are you okay though? What’s with the blood?”

“Oh, minor nosebleed. I’m fine, just a bit scared by the whole thing.”

“I should have warned you better about that.”

“It’s fine. Made me blend in with my clueless friend cover.”

“So, Ateez again?”

“They like me. Not the best idea to put all my eggs in one basket I know, but if I get close to at least one crew, I can get them to spill tea on the others. You’re still the new ones, but the others might know about the robberies and who’s carrying them out.”

“Perhaps. Just don’t do anything dangerous.”

“I know, I know.”

    Undercover work was more of a night job for you, so during the day you lived your life as normal. You’d text some of the other racers throughout the day, acting like friends, but there wasn’t much else. You thought you could keep these lives separate, but they had other plans.

“Y/n!”

    You were heading off campus to go home when a car honk and your name being called caught your attention. You looked over to see Jongho waving at you excitedly, Seonghwa leaning against the car. Your eyes went wide in surprise, and Jongho hurried over to you.

“Done for the day?”

“I… yeah… how did you find me? I don’t think I ever told you-”

“When you know the right people you can find anyone. Also money, come on, I bet you haven’t eaten yet.”

“Oh, well-”

“The others are waiting.”

    You couldn’t argue with Jongho as he took your hand and led you to the car. There really was no way to say no, so you went along. They took you to a restaurant, meeting up with the rest of Ateez there. The boys were happy to see you, asking about your day and listening intently. The restaurant you were at was quite fancy, and there weren’t even prices on the menu. They of course told you not to worry, that everything was on them and you should just enjoy yourself.

“What do you guys even do with your free time? Don’t you all have lives?”

“Is that meant to be an insult?” Yunho questioned.

“No, no, of course not. I just… you all had some time today to take me out to dinner. One or two of you would make sense, but all eight of you? What do you do when you’re not behind the wheel?”

“Whatever we want.” Wooyoung said. “Watch TV, go out into town, shop, legally drive.”

“All of you?”

“More or less.” Hongjoong added. “And we hang out with each other.”

“Don’t you have… family responsibilities? Some of you-”

“Not really.” Seonghwa cut in. “Our parents rarely see us as a good fit for anything.”

“Oh… sorry… I didn’t mean to pry… I’m a bit jealous though, about the freedom you have.”

“Jealous?”

“You do as you please everyday, no financial worries, or worries about what your future will look like. It can be whatever you want, and you can change your mind at any time.”

“You’re talking about stability.” Jongho corrected. “Which isn’t out of reach for you, or anyone. You’re studying and making plans for your future. One day you’ll have your career and everything you could want.”

“But there’s no guarantee for me. You guys were born with stability… I have to try…”

“Does it worry you that much?” Mingi asked. “Your future?”

“Yeah…”

“But you’re so young. There’s still so much life for you. Studying and making plans, it sounds like where you’re supposed to be. It’s rare to have everything put together at your age.”

“I guess…”

“Hey, let’s just focus on today.” Yeosang said. “We’re all together sharing a meal, and each other’s company. You always gotta enjoy the little things.”

“You’re right about that.”

    They all shifted the topic over to happier things, ultimately picking up your mood. Dinner wasn’t the only plan for the night. So you wound up with drinks and karaoke, letting the time split away in a haze of joy. You don’t know when you finally left, but you didn’t go home. 

“Is there a party at your place tonight?”

“No. Do you want there to be?” San asked. 

“No… nobody else needs to come.”

“No? How come?”

“Cause I want you all to myself.”

    You vaguely remembered being drunk in the back of a car with San. You were leaning against, your breath against his neck, and he was looking at you like you were the only thing in the world. His eyes lingered on your lips, and he couldn’t help himself. San leaned in to kiss you, and you kissed back. The two of you got closer, deepening the kiss, and then you roughly got pulled away.

“I want a turn.”

    Wooyoung tasted differently, but his kiss was just as deep. San wasn’t just going to sit back, coming in close, his lips against your neck. You’ve never really had attention like that before, so you were quite happy.

“Take it easy back there.” Yunho commented. “Don’t distract me.”

“Keep your eyes on the road.” Mingi stated. “We’ll get a turn later.”

    When the car came to a stop Wooyoung and San were pulled away from you. Next thing you knew Yunho was helping you out and then carrying you in his arms.

“You’re not drunk.”

“I had to drive, remember?”

“Hm… that’s sad…”

“I can drink now that we’re home.”

“Yeah?”

“Will you drink with me?”

“Sure. I can go for another round.”

“Ya, ya.” Hongjoong interrupted. “We’re not trying to give you alcohol poisoning, baby. No more drinks for you.”

“Come on… need even orange juice?”

“Juice is fine, but nothing alcoholic.”

“Yes captain!”

    You giggled and held on to Yunho, going into the house and to the kitchen. He set you down on the counter, getting a glass and some bottles. You reached for one but Yeosang took it from you.

“What did we say?”

“I just wanted to pour Yunho a drink.”

“Hm… I can do that.”

“Okay.”

    Yeosang gave you a chaste kiss on your cheek. He had a few drinks with Yunho, and you enjoyed your juice. You couldn’t really keep up with the conversation, but they found your babbling cute. You didn’t know how long you stayed up, but more came to join in, and you could vaguely remember the soft kisses and hands all over your body. It all felt so nice you never wanted it to end, but your body had to tap out at some point.

❤

“Hm…”

    You took in a soft breath as you came to, stretching your limbs while in bed, slowly waking up. When you opened your eyes the peace of the morning was shot down. You didn’t recognize the room you were in, which means you weren’t home. You quickly got out of bed, only to stumble to the ground, your legs a bit shaky. You weren’t in your own clothes either, instead wearing your panties and an oversized shirt, no bra either.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck…”

    Wasn’t hard to imagine what had happened. You looked around the room, finding some pants, they fit well enough, and some shoes to put on. None of this was your own but you needed to move. Thankfully your phone was on the nightstand, and you started looking into calling yourself a ride. You carefully peeked out the room, seeing the empty hall. By now there was no doubt where you were. It was the Ateez house, and you could not remember last night.

“Morning.”

    You were creeping down the hall when you heard a voice and immediately froze. You slowly turned around, giving Mingi a shy wave.

“Hi…”

“You’re just in time for breakfast, come on.”

“I should really get going though… uh, where are my clothes?”

“In the dryer. You spilled some juice on yourself.”

“Oh… right…”

“You don’t remember?”

“Last night’s a blur for me right now… and I don’t-”

“We didn’t do anything.”

“Huh?”

“We didn’t fuck you if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“I… I…”

“Not that we wouldn’t, but we’d rather you be sober.”

“Oh…”

“We did kiss you up and down though.”

“Uh…”

“Come on, breakfast.”

    Mingi took your hand and led you downstairs to the dining room. The other boys greeted you, Seonghwa and Yunho setting up the table.

“Can I help with anything?”

“Just take a seat, we got this.” Seonghwa smiled.

“Thanks…”

    Everything smelled so good, and you were quite amazed by the fact they could cook. Yeosang and Jongho served you, making sure you got the best of everything.

“Are you feeling alright?” Hongjoong asked. “I got some hangover soup for you if you need it.”

“I’m okay, not as bad as I could be.”

“I’m glad.”

“So then… this is dumb… but you all really live here together?”

“Yeah, our shared space away from responsibilities and family and all that nonsense.” Wooyoung said. “You’re more than welcome to move in, we’d love to have you.”

“Oh no, I doubt I could pay rent for a place like this. Besides, Seonghwa told me you guys were planning to move soon.”

“Right… forgot about that…”

“Besides… last night… why didn’t you take me home?”

“Cause you were drunk.” Yunho explained. “We couldn’t just leave you alone. You’re also assuming we know where you live.”

“Right… sorry…”

“We do, but it’s more about you being alone.”

“You were also sucking face with San and Wooyoung,” Mingi added. “So it’d be mean to send you home alone.”

You felt your face start to burn. “Uh… I… um…”

“Don’t tease her.” Jongho said. “Last night was enough fun for everyone.”

“I hear venom in those words.” San chuckled. “Is it cause she was in my room and not yours?”

“Watch it.”

“That’s not how you speak to your hyung.”

“Guys, calm down.” Yeosang stated. “Can we just enjoy breakfast together?”

“Fine.”

“Good. Y/n, I’ll take you home after this.”

“Ya! No fair!”

You giggled. “Thanks, Yeosang.”

    After breakfast your clothes were dry, so you were good to go. The boys packed you some hangover cures, but of course San and Wooyoung tagged along to drop you off.

“Thanks for last night, it was a lot of fun, even if somethings are hazy.”

“No problem, just let us know if you need anything.” Yeosang assured. “Get some rest.”

“You too.”

    It was certainly strange to spend time with Ateez outside of the racing, and parties, but it was also nice. Outside of being suspects in a criminal case, they were good people and their heart seemed to be in the right place. You didn’t tell Chan about this, knowing he’d be worried about you spending time with Ateez unsupervised. The problem is this wasn’t a one time thing. You began to see Ateez more often. Some would come by for lunch, or find you around campus and just spend time with you. Little by little, visit by visit, they felt more like friends than anything else. Although you couldn’t hide it forever. The chemistry that others would see at the track spoke for itself.

“Y/n.”

“Hm?”

“Can we talk?”

“Sure.”

    You had been spectating a race with Hongjoong when Chan came over, pulling you away. You went over to his area, getting into one of his cars. The windows were tinted, and he put on some music to fill the silence.

“What’s up? I don’t think we should be talking-”

“What’s going on between you and Ateez?”

“Uh… well…”

“All of a sudden you seem real close to them.”

“I did say it was a good idea to get close with one group and see-”

“How close?”

“What?”

“Have you slept with them?”

“Chan!”

“I’m serious. Socializing and gathering information is one thing, but if you’ve crossed a line-”

“I cannot believe you’d ask this!”

“These guys are suspected criminals!”

“And when was the last time a robbery was committed? What if your crew moved on and you’re all just here driving in circles? Did you think about that?!”

“Y/n, these people are dangerous, criminals or not, and I don’t want you getting so mixed up with them.”

“Well I’m not sleeping with them, okay? And these guys are just normal people! Just cause your suspected criminals are good drivers, doesn’t mean they do this illegal street racing stuff. Maybe they’re normal race car drivers, have you looked into that? Or maybe they don’t race at all besides the-”

“Enough!”

“…”

“I’m taking you home, and I want you out of my case, understood?”

“You’re unbelievable!”

“Am I clear!”

“Crystal! And I’ll take myself home!”

    Before Chan could yell some more you got out of the car, slamming the door. You stormed off, heading out of the VIP area and into the regular crowd. You just needed to get to the main road and could get a ride from there.

“Y/n-”

“Leave me-”

    While you were on the move you suddenly felt someone grab your arm. You quickly yanked yourself free, beginning to yell but stopping when you realized it was Mingi.

“Sorry, I didn’t… sorry…”

“Are you alright? I saw you storming off and leaving the race course.”

“I’m just not feeling well, so I’m heading home early.”

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear. I can take you home, it’d be better-”

“No, it’s alright.”

“I insist. I don’t like the idea of you going home alone at this hour.”

“Mingi-”

“Please. Maybe we should get some ice cream first.”

You chuckled. “That’s not a bad idea.”

    You went with Mingi, waiting for him as he brought his car around. He was serious about the ice cream, finding a place still open and getting you a sweet treat.

“Are you seriously okay?”

“Well I’m feeling better now.” 

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“It’s nothing really. It’s just… Chan really doesn’t like me being around all this stuff… the racing and all that…”

“Does he not like us?”

“Honestly… I don’t think he does…”

“I get your childhood friends, but you’re your own person, and capable of making your own decisions.”

“I know, he knows, but he still worries.”

“I would too. So, what are you going to do?”

“I don’t know… but I have a lot to think about.”

    You stayed with Mingi for a while, small conversations and silence, just appreciating his company. Looking back you probably shouldn’t have yelled at Chan like that, but thinking about that whole conversation frustrated you all over again. Maybe you both overreacted, or it was just you. Either way you weren’t sure what you should do, for now you just wanted to ignore everything, and Mingi knew that. So instead of taking you home as he said, he took you back to his own place. Telling you it was probably best to go somewhere Chan wouldn’t find you immediately, giving you both some proper space.

    You thanked Mingi for his thoughtfulness, and ultimately passed out in his room. He had informed the rest of his crew that you were in the house so they wouldn’t be surprised when they got home. Also to ease any worries if anyone asked about you, not that they would say where you were. The boys were happy to see you in the morning, acting like you had stayed over and not talking about the night prior. You were grateful for that, remembering that Ateez were just as much your friends as Chan and the rest of Stray Kids were. You could make your own decisions about the company you kept.

“Y/n, your birthday is coming up.”

“What? How did you-”

“It’s us.” Yunho smiled. “How could we not know?”

“I suppose you’re right.”

“So, got any plans?”

“Uh, well, not really, haven’t thought about it. My friends usually throw me a semi-surprise party.”

“How about this year you spend it with us?” Seonghwa suggested. “We’ll throw you a big party right here.”

“Yeah! We’ll invite everyone, and have a big cake, and lots of presents.” Wooyoung added. “It’ll be great!”

“I don’t know…”

“It’ll be fun, the best birthday party ever.” Yeosang said. “If you want that is, we won’t push it, but you should let us treat you for your special day too.”

“I’ll think about it.”

“A big party would be way more fun.” San mentioned. “So think hard about it.”

“I-”

    Your phone started ringing, halting the conversation. When you looked at the caller ID you saw it was Chan, getting nervous. You got up and stepped away from the table, going into the room next over.

“Hello?”

“Hey, I’m at your place, could you let me in? So we can talk?”

“Uh… about that… I’m not home right now…”

“Not… where are you?”

“Just… uh, just a friend’s place.”

“Friend? Don’t tell me you’re with Ateez?”

“And if I am?”

“What did we talk about last night?”

“We didn’t talk, you yelled at me.”

“Cause I’m worried about you being alone with these guys. Suspects or not, they are not a good influence on you.”

“And you are? Look at the company you keep.”

“That’s part of-”

“Whatever. I’m going home now anyway, please don’t be there when I arrive.”

    You hung up without waiting to hear him speak. You were already upset about last night, and this wasn’t helping.

“You okay?”

“Huh?”

“You didn’t sound too happy.” Hongjoong admitted, having followed you. “Everything alright?”

“I guess. I have to get home, so thanks for breakfast.”

“I’ll drop you off, your house, promise this time.”

“Fine.”

    It was better to get a ride than to call for one. No one else tagged along this time, as Hongjoong didn’t let them. He took you home as he said, although when you got there you noticed Chan’s car, meaning he was waiting for you.

“Y/n?”

“You know what, let’s have that party.”

“Yeah?”

“Yup.”

“Great. We’ll take care of everything, so don’t worry. We’ll pick you up on your special day.”

“Thanks.”

“Take care.”

“You too.”

    You thanked Hongjoong for the ride, going up to your apartment. As you feared Chan was there waiting for you. There was silence between you until you were both inside.

“You were supposed to go home last night.”

“Mingi had other ideas. Took me out for ice cream first, and I didn’t want to come back here.”

“You could have let me know.”

“And have you show up at their place in the morning? No thanks.”

“Look, about last night. I shouldn’t have yelled at you. I’m sorry. I worry about you getting involved with them and if-”

“That’s the key word, if. Look, I get Ateez is on your list of suspects, and all I’m doing is gathering information. I don’t intend to stay friends with them if they’re found guilty, or not. This is just part of the job, right?”

“Except it was never your job to take on.”

“I volunteered for this, so you don’t bear the responsibility here.”

“I let you, so I do. And I was serious about you stepping away.”

“And how exactly do you think I should do that? All those guys know me, they like me.”

“Just tell them you’re focusing on school. Distance yourself and I’m sure they’ll just forget.”

“I guess…”

“Are we good?”

“Sure.”

“Okay. I’ll get going then, since I know you didn’t want to see me right now.”

“Bingo. Have a good day.”

“You too.”

    Of course you didn’t entirely listen to Chan. You knew he had a point, and you didn’t exactly lie when you said you’d cut ties with these people once the job was done. That wasn’t now though. They were your friends and you wanted to maintain the relationship. Especially considering what happened. A few days later it was on the news. A robbery had taken place, and this time the criminals had left behind a message. You rushed over to Chan’s place once you saw the news. He didn’t want to share information, but he couldn’t stop you once you were through the door.

“So you have a name now?”

“Yes. The graffiti left behind was a black flag with a skull and crossbones along with a name, the Black Pirates.”

“So that’s who’s been behind the last few robberies.”

“It seems so.”

“And for your information, they are street racers.” Minho added. “So you were spot on about comparing the driving styles.”

“Really? Who do they match?”

“The juries still out on that, but the way they moved is similar to what we’ve seen in the races.”

“We also got a number this time.” Felix stated. “From what the cameras picked up before they got taken out there seems to be eight pirates.”

“Eight? So wouldn’t that rule out the smaller groups like Mons-”

“Not exactly.” Jeongin cut in. “Just cause we saw eight this time, doesn’t mean there’s always been eight.”

“But it would make sense. There’s always been two getaway cars.”

“There could be some members of the Black Pirates that don’t participate in illegal street racing.” Hyunjin explained. “Or vice versa, given there are groups with more than eight members, like NCT. They could alternate depending on the hit, or have outside help.”

“So we don’t really have much.”

“We know we’re looking in the right place.” Seungmin said. “Now it’s just about finding the evidence, and catching the culprit.”

“So it is progress.”

“Any bit is better than none.”

    That was good to hear, even if this whole operation was now months in. At least they knew that this wasn’t all a waste and they were on the right track. That in itself must be a huge relief to them, for you too actually. You may not really understand the danger, especially when they first started. Surely getting in must have been a lot of trouble on its own. Still, you had your own things to focus on. It was your special day after all, and you were quite excited. Your friends usually threw you a party, which meant you needed to tell them about this year’s plans. You were going to, but when you brought up your birthday they said they got the invites already.

    Apparently Ateez had already invited all your friends, and they were very excited about the party this year. They had lots of questions regarding your new friends, but promised to bother you about it later because today was your day. Classes weren’t that difficult, and you planned to go home and get dressed, but there were other plans. As you were making your way off campus you were surprised to find Mingi and Yunho waiting for you. There were already plans in place for your special day, and that started with some shopping. You should premiere a new outfit at your party, and they were gonna take care of everything.

    You couldn’t really say no, even once you saw the price tags. They took you to some high class stores, places you’d never shop at normally. At first Mingi tried to hide the price tags from you, telling you to pick what you liked, but you couldn’t help it. You thought you were dreaming when you saw the zeroes, but they told you money wasn’t a problem. Took a lot of coaxing, and they told you this was basically your present. They wanted you to look nice, for your beauty to shine, and it would be unfair to deny them that. So you caved, and looked only at the styles and found something you liked.

    The boys had you walk out in your new outfit, and had a few others to change into later in the night. From there you went over to the house, and you were left in awe as you stood at the front door. The place was mostly decorated, some people still working on the final touches, but it looked insane. Everything practically screamed Happy Birthday at you, and it honestly felt so surreal. The rest of the boys came over to give you birthday wishes and ask you how everything looked. It was incredible already. The snacks and food laid out on the tables, all the party games they had scattered around the house too. You had never been to such a party. Even the previous events they had before was nothing compared to this.

“I have to ask… you invited my friends… how did you get their numbers?”

“We just borrowed your phone for a bit.” Yeosang admitted.

“When?”

“Sometime ago.”

“But-”

“That’s not the concern right now. If you have anything more to do to get ready, go ahead.” Seonghwa suggested. “You can use my room.”

    Seonghwa took your shopping bags and led you up to his place. It was still early so the party wouldn’t be starting soon. You were pretty much ready to go aside from some makeup, but you held off on that. Since you had time you worked on homework, wanting to have one less thing to worry about so you could truly enjoy the night. Of course if Ateez caught you they’d probably say something, but this was for your own benefit. Thankfully you finished your assignments just as you heard music blasting through the house.

    Wooyoung was the one to bring you down to the party. Even if you didn’t know a lot of the guests, they all seemed to know you were the birthday girl. So you got many birthday wishes, more than ever before. When your friends showed up they were so excited to see you, and everything else that was going on for you. They couldn’t believe such a party had been thrown for you, and graciously thanked the boys of Ateez for their generosity. You were a bit embarrassed, but you could dwell on those feelings some other time. The night went on, and you spent lots of time with your friends. It almost felt like you were at a club more than anything, and with no worries about creeps bothering you. 

“Mind if I steal a dance?” San whispered in your ear, joining you on the dance floor. “You look smokin.”

“You tell me this now?”

“Well, I can say it again and again if you need me to.”

“Hm, that sounds nice.”

“Or…”

“Or?”

“How about I give you your birthday present?”

“Present? Isn’t that after the cake?”

“You can have my present first.”

“Hm…”

“Come on.”

    San took your hand and apologized to your friends as he was going to borrow you for a while. They all smiled and gave you thumbs up, waving you off. You were quite curious as to what kind of present San had for you. It could quite possibly be anything. So when he led you down to the garage, you were starting to think he bought you a car. That would be insane, and you wouldn’t even know what to do with it. Although things quickly changed when you saw someone else.

“There’s the birthday girl.” Wooyoung waved, sitting on the hood of a car. “You ready for your present?”

“Yeah. You guys got me a car?”

“What? No, this is one of our race cars.”

“Oh… then… what’s my present?”

“Us.”

“You?”

“We figured tonight we should give you a present you won’t forget.”

    Wooyoung opened the back door of the car, San leading you over to it. He had you lay back and then he climbed on top of you. Although you put your hands on his chest to stop him.

“You want to do this… in your car?”

“Well, I want it to smell like you. That way you’re with us the next time we use it, even if not physically.”

“Oh… well you guys are certainly something else.”

“If you don’t want to, just say so.”

“This is my birthday present, isn’t it? I want to receive it in full.”

“As you wish, princess.”

    You had never done it in a car before, but San seemed to have some experience. It made you a bit jealous, but it was all to make sure you enjoyed yourself tonight. Of course Wooyoung was still there, waiting his turn. He was sitting in the driver’s seat, watching you from the rear view mirror and stroking his length, only allowed to imagine himself on top of you for now. On occasion you’d make eye contact with him, and you could see the lust in his eyes. He might not even let San finish and just go over and yank him off you, but he was a patient boy. 

    You on the other hand, not so much since San being proper with his prep work. When he finally gave it to you, relief washed over your face. He stretched you out so good, like it was a perfect fit, but since he had already prepped you, he didn’t give you the satisfaction of feeling him whole and started moving. Obscenities spilled from your lips as you grabbed onto whatever you could, letting him take control.

“Fuck, fuck, San…”

“Just take it like a good girl. I know you can.”

“Hm…”

“Don’t fuck her brains out.” Wooyoung commented. “I get my turn after you.”

“She’s the birthday girl, and deserves the best, so I’ma give it to her.”

    He wasn’t wrong there, giving you everything he had. At times you swear you saw white, and he put all his attention into your pleasure. He was adamant about holding out and making you cum first, which he succeeded in. Your body shook underneath him as your orgasm took over, your center squeezing him tightly and forcing him to spill his seed inside you. San had been trying to hold out but he couldn’t deny you in the moment.

“Fuck, y/n, you feel so tight.”

“Aw, fuck, that’s not fair.” Wooyoung whined. “That should be me.”

“Did you make a mess in the front?” San asked. “Seriously?”

“You made a mess in the back.”

“Not alone.”

“Stop bragging. It’s my turn anyway.”

    In a matter of seconds Wooyoung had gotten out of the car and went over to the back. He pulled San’s pants up and shoved him to the side, wanting to get a good look at you.

“So pretty.”

“Hm.”

    Wooyoung gently caressed your cheek, his hands then trailing down your body. You were so sensitive at the moment, the slightest touch made you shiver. He loved the goofy smile on your face, clearly still high.

“You ready for more baby girl?”

“Will you be gentle?”

Wooyoung chuckled. “No.”

“Good.”

    That was all he needed to get started. Wooyoung dipped his fingers into your sloppy center, scooping up some of San’s seed and using it to write his name out on your stomach.

“I think we forgot to ask, but are you taking anything? Or is San gonna become a daddy?”

“I’m okay, you’re the only daddy I need tonight.”

“Fuck, baby girl, keep talking like that and I’m gonna make you a mommy.”

“Bet.”

    Wooyoung wasn’t gonna wait around much longer, angling himself perfectly and grabbing your hips before thrusting into the mess between your legs. You were still so sensitive, so his rough movements made you shake all over again. You bit your lip as the last bits of your previous orgasm fluttered through your body, and then got replaced by Wooyoung’s actions. He wasn’t San, but he had his own way of making you feel good. He took advantage of your state too, rubbing your clit and groping your breasts to divide your attention. He had all kinds of signals going off in your brain.

“You’re such a good fuck.”

“Hm… more…”

“I know, baby, I got you.”

    Wooyoung pulled you closer, getting relentless as your words motivated him to do better. He wanted to watch you unravel beneath him, and the desire was taking over. You didn’t notice when San had gotten himself together, but he had gone to the other side of the car and looked down on you. Although Wooyoung tried to push him away, especially when San started kissing you. It didn’t work though as he kept coming back, even when Wooyoung scolded him. Still, he could only really focus on you, wanting to make you scream his name, which is exactly what he got. You grabbed his arm tightly, mumbling out for him to go faster and make you cum. Your words excited him and he gave you just that, holding your face with his free hand as you climaxed.

    He watched your lips tremble, eyes roll back in ecstasy, knowing he was the reason for your actions. That, and feeling you hug him so tight, was enough to push him over the edge. Wooyoung locked eyes with you, wanting to ride out his high while he made your body tremble, watching everything you did. Your smile filled him with such satisfaction, he leaned down to kiss you, lips then trailing down your body. With two orgasms under your belt you were quite tired, and sore, and far more sensitive than before. Wooyoung stayed with you for a moment before pulling out, giving you some more chaste kisses. He gently pulled up your legs, trying to make sure you were comfortable, and San got into the back so you could rest your head in his lap. Thankfully you weren’t cold, even if you were partially undressed. The heat from their love was enough to keep you warm.

“You good?” San asked while petting your head. “Did you like your present?”

“… yeah… so good…”

“We’re glad to hear.”

“We should have bounced her on the stick shift.” Wooyoung commented from the driver’s seat. “Before we filled her up. Would have made it all the more special.”

“Next time perhaps, what do you say, y/n?”

“Hm…”

    You stayed semi curled up for a while, just letting your body wind down after all that fun. Although you couldn’t stay there long. You had shut your eyes, partially falling asleep, only to open them wide at the sound of knocking on the roof of the car. You looked over and found Yunho peeking in and taking you in.

“What’s this?”

“She was receiving her gifts.” San stated. “And she’s very happy with them.”

“Is that so?”

“Hm.” You hummed in agreement.

“Well, can the birthday girl come up for cake?”

“Cake?”

“We can’t cut the cake without you, everyone’s waiting.”

“Uh…”

“Don’t worry, I’ll help you and it’ll be quick.”

    Yunho helped you sit up and get your clothes back on. He didn’t comment on the mess between your legs but he did help you clean up a bit. It wouldn’t be good to have cum running down your leg while everyone sang happy birthday to you. Once you were presentable you got out of the car, only to realize your legs were shaky. Yunho effortlessly picked you up in his arms bridal style.

“I’ll take you up.”

“Thanks.”

    You were a bit shy, but you couldn’t object to this. Yunho carried you upstairs to the party, taking you outside to where the cake had been brought out. Everyone cheered when you arrived, Jongho lighting the candles on the cake, one of many actually. Yunho gently put you down, and allowed you to use him to support yourself. Everyone got quiet and then the singing began. You had never heard so many people sing before, let alone with such excitement in their voice. You took a moment to make a wish and then blew out the candles. More cheers erupted, the cake began to get cut, and then everything went dark. One moment you were receiving hugs and good wishes, and then you had cake in your face.

    You laughed as you wiped icing off your face, seeing Jongho with an empty plate of cake, and a revealing smile on his face. You quickly grabbed him and pressed messy kisses to his face, getting him covered in cake too. He seemed to enjoy it, although you couldn’t stay that way. As the initial excitement calmed down, Yeosang led you and Jongho upstairs to clean up. You wound up in his room, and even though you tried to clean yourself up, he suggested getting in the shower. It wasn’t a bad idea, especially considering the type of gift you had received already. So you didn’t hesitate to take your top off, leaving Yeosang and Jongho in shock.

“What? It’s not anything you haven’t seen before.”

“I… I…” Jongho mumbled. “Yeah, but I didn’t think you were so bold.”

“Neither did I.”

“I’ll get you some clean clothes.” Yeosang offered. “I’ll be back.”

    You went into the bathroom and stripped off the rest of your clothes, hopping into the tub. You took a quick shower just to clean yourself up, and get any sugar out of your hair. When you finished you stepped out with a towel wrapped around you, even though you had your bra and panties beneath. Yeosang handed you some clothes, and once you were dressed Jongho cleaned himself up. It wasn’t as much as you so he just needed to wash his face.

“Cleaned up already?”

    Seonghwa softly knocked and entered the room with a plate of cake, happy to see you were alright. He would probably scold Jongho but you told him to leave it alone, surely someone else would cake your face.

“You guys really went all out for me.”

“Of course, it’s your birthday. You should be celebrated to the maximum.”

“I really appreciate everything you guys have done for me today.”

“Well the night is still young. Here, you should enjoy some cake.”

    Seonghwa was happy to feed you, and the cake was quite good too. Although you were getting icy all over your lips. Seonghwa was gonna reach over and wipe it off when Yeosang grabbed his hand and decided to kiss you, cleaning up the icing along the way.

“Yummy.”

“Ya!” Seonghwa yelled. “You can’t just go around kissing her!”

“Why not? I heard WooSan already gave her a present too.”

“What?”

“Yeah, they went down to the garage.” Jongho added. “I bet they made a mess.”

“The garage, is that true?”

“Uh… well…” You were a bit shy, trying to hide your face. “Yes…”

“I see… did you like it?”

“It was… nice…”

“I didn’t know you were such a bad girl.”

“What?”

“You’re supposed to get presents after cake, not before.”

“Oh, well… I didn’t-”

“Since you’ve had cake now. I suppose I can give you my present too.”

“Sure. What did you get me?”

“A very unique gift.”

    Seonghwa put down the plate and grabbed your hand. He kissed it softly and then led it down to rest on his crotch. Your eyes went wide and you looked up at him, feeling more shy than before. He just smirked.

“What? You think I don’t know what those two troublemakers did? There are cameras everywhere, baby.”

“Oh…”

“No need to be shy. Although I understand you might be a bit tired, I’ll take good care of you though.”

“Ah, well…”

“All of us.” Yeosang added.

“Huh?”

“Did you think we were just gonna leave you with Seonghwa? That’s hardly fair.”

“So all three of you…”

“Can you handle us?” Jongho questioned. “It’s okay if you can’t, we’ll teach you.”

“You guys are being too much.”

“It’s only fair. The birthday girl has to get the best for her special day.”

    Seonghwa leaned in close to kiss your cheek before taking the plate and setting it down on the dresser. Yeosang had you move up and lay back on the bed. The clothes you were wearing were loose fitting and easy to remove, leaving you in your undergarments.

“You’re all being very bold tonight.”

“We have been waiting for this too.”

“Really? You must have been so frustrated.”

“You have no idea.”

    Yeosang was pushed to the side as Seonghwa climbed on top of you, stealing a kiss and tasting cake on your lips. His hands explored your body, ultimately pushing up your bra to feel your breasts. He had been holding himself together, but he couldn’t keep doing that. Seonghwa began to undress, getting you out of the last bits of clothes you had on too. Now that you were completely exposed he began pressing kisses all over your chest and lower stomach. Your focus was solely on him until a shirtless Yeosang crawled onto the bed and started kissing your hand. He made you giggle, which brought a smile to his lips.

    Although Seonghwa wasn’t happy about your attention elsewhere, so he got it back the only way he sought fit. You let out a ragged moan as Seonghwa pushed a finger into you without warning. Your eyes shot down at him, seeing the big smirk on his face. You didn’t need that much prep, still recovering from the car sex. Which worked in your favor as you didn’t have to wait too long for Seonghwa to fuck you. He was still a tease though, going slow with his fingers, pressing long kisses on your clit, making you whine at every point. You couldn’t play his game for long.

“Seonghwa you better fuck me soon or Yeosang can go first.”

“Don’t make threats like that.”

“It’s my birthday, isn’t it? What I say goes.”

“Tsk. I like a dominant woman, but tonight you’re at my mercy.”

    Maybe you should be careful what you wish for. Seonghwa grabbed your hips tightly, pressing on the bruises that were forming thanks to Wooyoung, and swiftly pushed his length into you. He could have teased you, but since you asked for it, he was gonna give it to you, every last bit. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head and you gripped the bed sheets.

“Fuck…”

“You wanted it.”

“Yeah… keep going…”

“Oh I will.”

    Seonghwa started off gentle, wanting to let your body adjust, but he wasn’t gonna be a tease for long. Before you knew it he was going at a relentless pace, making your whole body move with him. He wanted you to himself and pushed Yeosang away, holding your hands in his and watching you with lust in his eyes. You tried to keep your eyes on him, but whenever he hit your sweet spot you couldn’t help but shut your eyes in bliss and tremble.

“You like that?”

“Hm…”

    You were close, and you could tell he was too as he was losing his rhythm. It was a bit funny to think you had cleaned yourself up only to wind up with your legs spread so soon. You were gonna get filled up, which reminded you to mention it. Although Seonghwa said he knew, having been listening in to your previous session.

“Pervert.” Jongho commented.

“As if you’re not gonna go look up the security footage later.”

“Shut up.”

    Seonghwa leaned in for a deep kiss as he kept his momentum going, freeing his hands from your grip and using them to play with you and push you over the edge. Your orgasm seemed to push him over the edge and he held you close as you both rode out the high together. He pressed his forehead against yours, the two of you breathless but with smiles on your faces.

“You good?”

“Never better.” You exhaled. “Although I’m not your first.”

“But you can be my last.”

“Hm…”

“Move over!” Yeosang shoved Seonghwa off you. “My fucken turn.”

“Ya! I wasn’t-”

“She’s so delicate right now I wanna take advantage.”

    You barely even heard the end of Yeosang’s statement before he pushed himself into you, making the cum in you overflow. He let out a delightful moan as your body trembled and accommodated him among the mess. You gripped the sheets, letting out a shaky moan. You were still coming down from your high when Yeosang took over, making it so pleasure and pain began mixing. His hands trailed your body, kneading your breasts and taking them into his mouth on occasion. You reached over to feel his body, looking down as well to see where you two met. You never had this much fun before, and this was surely the best birthday present ever.

“You still with me, princess?”

“Yeah… I’m trying…”

“Trying?” Jongho questioned. “You’re barely halfway done here.”

“You jealous?”

“Who wouldn’t be?”

“Then be a good boy and wait.”

    They’d each have a turn but they really didn’t like losing your attention. While you had been talking with Jongho, Yeosang slowed down, making you whimper. He didn’t move, forcing you to grind down on him for your own satisfaction. Then without warning he started back up again, grabbing your hips, which were definitely gonna be purple tomorrow. He was just a tad bit upset and now really taking it out on you. So it wasn’t long before another orgasm washed over you, making you shake and hold him tightly, which ultimately pushed him over the edge too.

“Fuck, you’re so good… we should do it again.”

“You’ve had your turn, hyung.” Jongho commented. 

“Let the maknae have their fun too.” Seonghwa added. “If not for them we might not have gotten here.”

“So I wasn’t gonna get my present if not for Jongho?”

“Oh you would have gotten it one way or another.”

    Jongho did give you a minute to rest and recover, laying down at your side and taking your hand in his, kissing it gently. He looked so dreamy with you, and his eyes were so big and bright. You couldn’t imagine what he had in store for you.

“Are you enjoying your party?”

“For the bits I’ve been in, yeah.”

“That’s good.”

    Jongho started off slow and soft, knowing you were definitely sensitive. He carefully rolled on top of you, pressing soft kisses against your skin, making you feel very loved. 

“Will you be alright?”

“Yeah… just be yourself.”

“If you can handle it.”

“I can.”

“Then I’ll test you on it.”

    You laid with him for a while as he continued to pepper you with kisses. His touch would send sparks up your body, and when his lips finally reached your core you ran a hand through his hair. It was swollen and achy down there, but his gentle touch was soothing. You were lost in his softness that you didn’t notice when he was getting himself ready until you felt him pushing into you. He gave it to you inch by inch, holding your legs apart, watching your mouth hang open in silent bliss.

“I got you baby girl.”

    Jongho held your hands, rocking back and forth softly. You moved with him, eyes shut and soft whimpers escaping your lips. He was a different kind of good, and you didn’t expect his strength. He slowed down a bit, picking you up in his arms and thrusting up into you. More soft moans escaped your lips into his ear, giving him strength and motivation. You wrapped your arms around him, using all your strength to hold on. He took care of the rest and managed to wring another orgasm out of you. He loved how you melted in his arms, and he could feel every little movement of your body as it was overwhelmed with pleasure.

    Jongho pressed a kiss to your cheek, laying you back down on the bed and gently teasing you before he reached his own climax. This time he pressed his lips to yours, holding your hands tightly and riding out his own orgasm while feeding into yours. As you both caught your breath he laid beside you, still holding your hand. The other two had joined you in bed as well, all of you together in a little pile. You could feel the aches and bruises starting to form but you paid them no mind, still very happy with the overall experience. 

“Happy birthday.”

“Thanks…”

    You felt like you had probably fallen asleep for a bit, rightfully so. You awoke to the sounds of vibrating, sleepily sitting up and looking around. You were still in Yeosang’s room, and weren’t entirely alone. Yeosang and Jongho were still with you, taking a nap too, but Seonghwa was gone. Regardless, your focus shifted to the vibrating noise, looking around the room. You got out of bed, legs a bit shaky, but you found the source, your phone. You were still half asleep, but once you saw the caller ID you were wide awake. The spike of adrenaline gave you the energy to put on a shirt and joggers and step out of the room to answer the call.

“Hello?”

“Hey, where are you?”

“Oh, you know, out with friends. It’s my birth-”

“Where? I didn’t get an invite to the party.”

“You didn’t? I would have thought-”

“Y/n, please stop lying to me.”

“Wa… what?”

“I saw the pictures your friends posted on social, and I recognized the place.”

“So…”

“I told you to stay away. They are-”

    You were already feeling frustrated with the call when your phone was suddenly taken away. Hongjoong offered you a smile and hung up, turning your phone off.

“Hongjoong…”

“What’s wrong? The birthday girl shouldn’t be sad on her special day.”

“Uh… I… you didn’t invite Chan?”

“Of course not. He doesn’t like us, and there shouldn’t be any negativity today.”

“But-”

“Did he call to wish you a happy birthday?”

“No…”

“Then the right choice was made. Come on now, forget about the call and focus on the party. The night is still young.” Hongjoong held his hand out to you. “Shall we?”

    You knew Chan was gonna be upset about the way the call ended, even if it wasn’t your fault. Still, even if he rushed over now to see you and yell, it would be best to enjoy yourself to the fullest. You took a breath and offered Hongjoong a smile, taking his hand.

“We shall.”

“Good. Now I heard from Seonghwa that someone has been receiving presents.”

“I see word travels fast.”

“Have you been enjoying yourself?”

“Yes. It’s a great party.”

“I’m glad to hear.”

“I didn’t know you’d-”

    While walking your legs suddenly gave out, but Hongjoong managed to hold you up. The adrenaline of the call had worn off and the exhaustion of your previous activities was catching up to you now.

“Sorry…”

“No need to apologize, I got you.”

    You were trying to get your feet under you when Yunho and Mingi suddenly appeared. The two quickly took you from Hongjoong and helped you stand.

“You good?”

“Yeah, yeah…”

“I didn’t know Wooyoung and San did such a number on you.”

“You’re forgetting they aren’t the only ones to deliver their presents.”

“Are you serious?” Mingi questioned. “How are you still awake baby girl?”

“No idea… so are all of you just gifting me sex tonight?”

“Don’t like it?”

“Seems a little cheap. I saw the boxes down there…”

“You’re assuming sex is the only gift you’ll get from us.” Hongjoong chuckled. “Not to mention this party. We spent quite a pretty penny on you.”

“You didn’t have to.”

“But we wanted to.”

    The boys carried you to another bedroom, Hongjoong’s, and set you down. Yunho gently grabbed your legs and massaged them a bit, getting you to lay back. Your shirt exposed a bit of your stomach, and he pulled it up further, seeing the marks.

“Damn, you really are having a fun night, aren’t you?”

“I can’t lie… it’s been the best.”

“Then let us continue, or at least bring this night to a close.” Hongjoong said. “If you can manage it.”

“I wouldn’t mind passing out with one of you guys in me.”

“Promise?”

    Yunho pressed kisses to your cheek, pushing you up on the bed so you could rest comfortably. He got you out of your shirt and bra, taking one of your breasts into his mouth. You ran a hand through his hair, keeping him close. He tugged the joggers down, rubbing your through your panties for a moment. You were still wet down there, and messy. Yunho couldn’t wait long before yanking your panties down and pushing two fingers into you. The wet slopping sounds seemed to please everyone, and Yunho quickly understood he didn’t have to prep much, you were eager and waiting.

    Yunho was quickly on you, not wanting to hear anyone else claim you first. He wasn’t subtle, but swift with his motions. Your body was barely recovering from the last guy between your legs, but you figured you could handle a few more. Yunho was careful not to put any unnecessary strain on your body, but still made sure you were enjoying yourself. He had a nice rhythm going and you were truly relaxed. His touch was gentle but pleasurable, acting more like a lover than anything else. You were surprised he kept his pace throughout, even as he pushed you to the edge. Somehow he held himself together long enough for you to calm down before he went in hard and achieved his own high.

“Fuck… you’re all gonna leave me bruised up tomorrow…”

“And unable to walk.” Mingi commented. “That’s a promise.”

“Then I expect to be carried.”

“I got you, princess.”

    With that Mingi shoved Yunho aside, taking you into his arms and pulling you up. He sat down and had you resting in his lap. He gently held your waist, leading you to grind down on him. He still had his briefs on, but he didn’t mind getting them stained with your juices and what Yunho had left in you. He pressed his head against yours, watching the blissed out smile on your face. You both could only last so long before your basic needs took over. You reached down to free Mingi’s cock, stroking it a bit and adjusting yourself to take him in. He helped you settle down on him, giving you a kiss as a reward.

“I’ll do all the work, so just enjoy yourself.”

“Hm…”

    You wrapped your arms around Mingi, resting your head on his shoulder. He reached around to grab your ass, making you yelp, but he just chuckled. You seemed comfortable so he began to move, being gentle at first, but he couldn’t hold himself back. You grabbed him tightly, moaning into his ear.  He was rough, or maybe it felt that way because you were so worn down already. Still he was good to you, holding you close and whispering such sweet words. You didn’t know when he was getting close, but he certainly pushed you to cloud nine.

    He laid back with you on top of him, still thrusting into you as you rode out your high with him, and soon enough he was adding to the mess between your legs. You shook more violently this time, but Mingi made sure you were alright. Once you settled he carefully laid you down on the bed, pressing soft kisses to your face. You let out low chuckles, smiling with a happy look on your face. Mingi stayed with you for a while, caressing your cheek. You might have fallen asleep if the bed didn’t suddenly dip and you got turned around to face Hongjoong. He had a big smile on his face, reaching over to pet your head.

“Having fun?”

“Very…”

“Can you accept another present?”

“Maybe… I want it either way…”

“Well isn’t someone greedy.”

“Birthday girl, remember?”

“I do.”

    Hongjoong leaned over to kiss your head, then your lips, then slowly trailed down your body. He took your hands in his and placed kisses on them too. He was gentle in how he moved your body about. His hands caressed your thighs as he pulled your legs apart. He could see how red and swollen your clit was, giving that a kiss as well and making you shiver. He slowly climbed on top of you, giving you more kisses. He whispered in your ear and let you know he was gonna fuck you, wanting you to hold yourself together for him. You promised to do so to the best of your ability. That was enough for him, whispering dirty things in your ear as he pushed himself into you, going inch by inch so you could feel everything.

    Your body welcomed him, already feeling the tickles of an orgasm. By now you were so worn down you were floating in a state of bliss, and there wasn’t any coming down. Not with the constant attention, and the fact you’ve had more orgasms this night than ever before. Hongjoong certainly started off slow before getting into a gentle rhythm, his focus solely on you. He watched your face, the expressions you made as he moved around and pleased you. He kept his eyes locked with yours, and you did your best to maintain it, but you were certainly falling apart. Every touch felt like a mini orgasm, and you couldn’t do much else but lie there and take it. Hongjoong was well aware of this, and he just wanted to make sure you finished right.

    You don’t know for sure if Hongjoong hit that sweet spot just right, or your body just broke down, but that final climax was something else. Your whole body trembled as the pleasure and pain mixed together across every inch of your being. Not to mention all the kisses Hongjoong added as he watched you become undone beneath him. You only knew when he climaxed cause you felt a warmth inside you, and could feel the overflow of cum just dripping out of you. The exhaustion was really hitting, and you could barely keep your eyes open. You tried to hold on to Hongjoong, but he just took your hands and kissed them, setting them down.

“We wore you out baby, you should get some rest.”

“My party though…”

“It’s far from over. Take a little nap and I’ll clean you up, okay?”

“Hm…”

“Good girl.”

    You definitely needed rest, and left yourself in their trusted arms. You closed your eyes and let yourself float in and out of consciousness. At some point you felt warm water along your skin, soft hands gently massaging your body, and being wrapped up in clean clothes. You felt a comfy bed beneath you, seeing some face blur past you at times, but you stayed in your own little world, drifting and resting. You didn’t know how much time had passed, but you eventually had the strength to properly get up. You thought maybe you’d be alone to rest, but as you opened your eyes you found a sleepy little Jongho at your side. You reached over to pet his head, getting a little hum out of him, and having him open his eyes.

“Hi…”

“Hey, are you feeling better?”

“I’m good… did you nap with me…”

“A little break from the party doesn’t hurt.”

“Hm… yeah…”

    You carefully sat up, getting help from Jongho in the process. You felt sore all over, but you were happy, it had been a fun night, and it was a very lovely present.

“I have something for you.” Jongho handed you a little box. “Another gift.”

“Oh, what’s this?”

    You opened the box and started laughing, it was some birth control pills, and Jongho brought over some water.

“You know I take birth control, right?”

“But just in case, you can’t be too safe.”

“You don’t wanna be a daddy?”

“Oh, you better watch that mouth, I might take you up on the offer.”

“Don’t worry. I’m not ready to be a mother either.”

    You took the pills and laid back down, taking in a breath and enjoying the comfortable bed. You wanted to go back down to the party, but you still didn’t have the strength for that. You asked Jongho to help you get on your feet, even if your legs were still shaky. You managed to stand, but before you could take any steps you heard a loud commotion from out in the hall. Jongho heard too, seeming concerned when the door suddenly swung open.

“YA!”

    Seeing and hearing Chan yelled startled you, and you collapsed back on the bed. You could see the anger on his face, making you fearful.

“I cannot believe you.”

“This is a party.” Hongjoong exclaimed. “You can’t be yelling at the birthday girl.”

“Shut up! I cannot believe any of you!”

    Chan came over and shoved Jongho away, grabbing your arm and yanking you to your feet. You yelled and weren’t able to stand, immediately falling to the ground. Chan looked at you in shock, kneeling down to take a closer look. He caught sight of some of the bruises on your neck, pulling up your shirt without asking and seeing all the other marks. He quickly got up and pinned Hongjoong against the wall.

“What the fuck did you do!”

Hongjoong chuckled. “It’s a party, and we were having fun. What do you want from me? It was all consensual, I swear.”

“Chan!” You yelled. “Let him go! I’m fine! I-”

“Not a word from you!

“…”

“It’s her birthday and you come in yelling at her like this? What the hell is wrong with you?”

“That’s funny, coming from you.”

    Chan let Hongjoong go and came back over to you, pulling you up to your feet. You could barely stand, let alone walk, but he pulled you along anyway. You bit your lip to keep from making any noises and just did your best to follow. You struggled on the stairs and hid your face when you got to the bottom floor, not wanting to be seen, but of course Chan drew attention. Some of the other Ateez members noticed and rushed over, but you shook your head at them. Chan got you into his car, putting your seat belt on you and slammed the door shut. You hid your face, not able to meet anyone in the eye and stayed silent on the drive. You kept your head low, but as you looked around you noticed the streets were different.

“This isn’t the-”

“You think I’m taking you back to your place so they can go get you?”

“No, I-”

“You are unbelievable.”

“Chan-”

“Quiet! I told you to break off from them and what do I find? You have no problem lying to my face now.”

“I-”

“I told you to be quiet.”

“…”

“You’ll be staying with me until further notice.”

    You wanted to explain yourself, to at least have your voice be heard, but given what Chan just did, and your current state, it was best to remain silent. So you did. When you got to Chan’s place he got you out of the car, holding your arm and pulling you along, a lot gentler this time. He plopped you down on the couch and came back with a med kit, wanting to take a better look at you. All you really had were bruises and some nail marks, nothing too serious, but he had to be sure. You were a bit nervous, but lifted up your shirt just enough so you didn’t expose your breasts. Like you said nothing serious, and he was satisfied after checking.

“Here. It’s your clothes, put them on.”

“Thanks…”

    Your body wasn’t so sore anymore, but you did struggle a bit to make it to the bathroom. You dressed into your clothes and returned to the living room. Chan was nowhere to be seen, but you knew where he’d be. You went over into his office, seeing him looking over some papers.

“Chan…”

“Don’t. I don’t wanna hear it.”

“But-”

“You went out with a bang, literally, so let’s leave it at that.”

“I-”

“Please.”

“Yeah… yeah that’s fine…”

    You made your way over to Chan’s side, looking down at the papers on the table. You reached over to look some over, coming across an image from a CCTV.

“What’s this?”

“A partial plate from the last robbery.”

“You got a plate?”

“Partial. I honestly thought the vehicles they used didn’t have any plates, but it seems like they just cover them up.”

“It seems fortune is on our- your side. It’s progress.”

“Yeah. Minho got a bit crazy and rammed into one of the vehicles. Guess that damaged the plate cover and we managed to catch a few digits.”

“You gonna run this through your database?”

“The car itself might not even be registered, could be a fake plate to begin with. We’ll still run it, although working with a partial plate is gonna make it difficult.” 

“Any bit of progress is better than none.”

“Exactly.”

“I’m gonna get some rest.”

“You do that.”

“Don’t stay up too late.”

“No promises.”

“Night.”

“Good night, and y/n?”

“Hm?”

“Happy birthday.”

“Thanks. I’ll see you in the morning.”

❤

    Chan kept to his word and didn’t let you leave his place. He drove you to and from school, always punctual. Even though he never said anything, you knew he was always looking around for others. You didn’t get any messages from anyone, not that you would respond, but it really made you wonder what everyone thought. Surely word got around about what happened that night. Your friends didn’t mention it either, just saying things went well. Of course Chan probably spoke with them beforehand, and you weren’t gonna pry. So you just focused on getting your life back to normal, no more secret double life stuff going on. If only it was that easy.

“How’s the body?”

    You jumped at the voice that suddenly appeared, distracting you from your notes. Your first class had been canceled so you were in the library when someone approached you. The voice was familiar, and you were a bit shy to look up, so they took a seat instead.

“You’re not hurt anywhere are you?”

“I’m fine, San.”

“You didn’t call.”

“Neither did you.”

“And have Chan scream in my ear, I didn’t wanna risk it.”

“Well he’s not monitoring my phone 24/7 so you would have been fine.”

“Then why didn’t you call?”

“San.”

“Hm?”

“What are you doing here?”

“Me? Nothing, just here to see you.”

“You’re not a student here, you should go.”

“Come on, I came all-”

“I’m a student, San.” You interrupted. “I’m not from a wealthy family, and I seriously need to focus on school if I want to get anywhere in life. It was fun getting to know you guys, but this is where we must part ways.”

“You don’t mean that. Was your birthday present-”

“Thanks for the party, and the gifts. It was a good farewell.”

“You still have all those presents back-”

“Leave. Before I call security.”

“You’d do that?”

“I wanna graduate, which means I have to pass this semester in order to get closer to my goal. Partying and racing isn’t gonna help me. Now please, go.”

“Alright… don’t be a stranger.”

“Yeah.”

    You didn’t know if that went well, but at least nothing got heated. You continued to focus on school, managing to get to finals week, and feeling confident in your skills. Test taking always sucked, but the exams actually felt easy, so you were certain you passed. After your last one, a midday one, you were going to text Chan when you ran into a familiar face.

“Congratulations.”

“Hongjoong… what are you doing here?”

“I’m here to see you of course. You’ve completed your last exam, and the semester is over, right?”

“Uh, yeah, but-”

“We should celebrate. You’re one step closer to graduation.”

“But-”

“San told us your birthday party was a farewell party, and I find that quite unfair.”

“Unfair?”

“We should have a proper going away party for you. I would have mentioned it sooner, but I understand you wanted to focus on your studies. Now that’s done, shall we?”

“Hongjoong-”

“Nothing big. Just dinner and us, I promise.”

“I can’t just-”

“I understand Chan has been keeping a watchful eye, but he’d understand you wanting to unwind today. Besides, I doubt he’ll ever know. So, may we have the honor of your company one last time?”

“Fine, but I can’t be out so late.”

“Of course.”

    Despite your better judgment you went with Hongjoong back to his place. The others were very happy to see you, and you couldn’t help the genuine smile on your face.

“First, your present.” Hongjoong said, handing you the car keys. “Here.”

“For me?”

“It should make it easier for you to get to and from school from now on. And it’ll be easier to go out and enjoy yourself.”

“I… I’m not sure I can accept this…”

“Please do.” Seonghwa stated. “We can’t possibly repay you for all the great memories we’ve made together.”

“Ah, I see.”

“Come on, let’s go inside.” Yeosang held his hand out to you. “One last dinner.”

    You took his hand and followed them all inside. The place had been cleaned up nicely since your party. It was weeks ago, but still, not a trace was left. It actually seemed a lot emptier than before. You were going to ask when Mingi suddenly took your other hand.

“We still have to set the table.” Mingi explained. “So how about we let the others do that.”

“Ya! Mingi!”

“Have fun!”

    Before anyone else could object Mingi pulled you away from the group and led you away. No one was gonna stop you two, so you ran off. Mingi took you around the house, asking how you’ve been and how your exams went. He was glad to hear you were done with the stress and felt confident in passing your classes.  You two wound up down in the garage, Mingi suggesting taking you out on one last ride. You looked at all the cars, blushing a bit when you saw the one where San and Wooyoung had given you your birthday present. Although your eyes then lingered to another car.

“Oh… isn’t that…”

    You walked over to the car that had caught your attention. You had been down in the garage multiple times before. Of course you didn’t know them all, but something about this car caught your eye.

“This looks like the car the Black Pirates drive.”

“Wa… what?”

“You know, those robberies that have taken place in the area as of late. I saw a picture of one of the cars they drive and it had a partial… plate…”

    Now that you were closer and rambling about the car you looked down at the license plate, realizing that it actually matched the partial plate that had been caught on camera.

“I didn’t know the car had been reported in the news.”

“It wasn’t… I, uh, I actually saw it online. You know things always get leaked there.”

“So you kept up with it then? Playing detective in your spare time.”

“Uh, well… yeah, kind of.”

“That’s cool.”

“Yeah… what a crazy coincidence.”

“Coincidence… right.”

“Actually we should go back upstairs. I’m sure the others are done setting up, and we can all take a ride together later.”

“That sounds like a good idea.”

    Mingi took your hand and the two of you went upstairs. You were trying not to act so nervous. You didn’t know what to do anymore, but you knew you needed to call Chan immediately. He could chew you out for all this later. Of course you could be wrong on your assumption that Ateez were the Black Pirates, but you had an uneasy feeling about everything. You needed to leave.

“Mingi.”

“Hm?”

“I just remembered that since today was my last test, me and my friends made plans to celebrate together. I can’t have dinner with you guys tonight, but maybe tomorrow.”

“But you’re already here, and your friends haven’t called.”

“I just got a text and they were asking where I was, so I should get going.”

“The others-”

“It’s not goodbye, so let’s not make it one.”

“Y/n-”

“I’ll call you guys, I promise.”

    You pulled your hand away from Mingi and calmly walked to the front door. You held yourself together not to make it look weird. At least you had a means of leaving, the present you had been given. You did fumble with the keys a bit but managed to open the door and start the car. You waved at Mingi and drove off, not really sure where you were going, but needing to get as far away as possible. It was already late, and for the most part the road was empty. You carefully reached over to grab your phone and call Chan, although it said he was unavailable. You tried multiple times, but got the same response every time.

“Come on, Chan, pick up.”

    While driving you suddenly heard the roar of an engine, looking in the rear view mirror to see two vehicles getting close. It didn’t take long to recognize the cars, and then the drivers and passengers.

“Fuck…”

    You were freaking out, knowing they’d catch up to you soon enough. You tried to call Chan again, but nothing. The cars come up on either side of you, on your left you see Jongho waving at you, asking you to stop. You didn’t feel safe, you couldn’t comply with this, so you just stepped on the gas. They seemed a bit annoyed, but continued to follow. You tried once to call Chan, but there was no answer, so you resorted to a voicemail.

“Chan, please answer your goddamn phone! When you get this, please call me back immediately. You were right, okay? Shit was dangerous and… I fucked up, but it was an accident! I didn’t… shit, they caught up to me…”

    You weren’t an experienced driver, especially when it came to speed, but you didn’t let your foot off the gas. You didn’t know how fast you were going, but just seeing the others getting closer put you on edge. You were only really focused on the road, not wanting to lose control, and then the two cars crashed against you, trying to sandwich you between them. You screamed, trying to get them off, but whatever they were doing, they were in control.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck… Chan, I’m sorry… I know you told me to stay out of it… it’s my fault alright… please just call me back so I can tell you everything… I don’t know long I can do this… the Black Pirates-”

    The others pulled back suddenly, but you still turned the wheel. The sudden movement, combined with the speed, you turned to the side and wound up flipping over. Everything happened in a blur, like the light of the world was turning on and off in slow motion. You don’t know how many times your car flipped, but at some point it stopped. Your ears were ringing, and the edges of your vision were black. The world was upside down, and you slowly looked around. You vaguely noticed the other two cars coming to a stop, seeing people rush out.

“Y/n!”

“Don’t touch the car!” Hongjoong ordered. “And someone call an ambulance.”

    With that said, Mingi ended up grabbing Wooyoung before he got close, holding him back. Yeosang dialed emergency services, and Yunho ended up grabbing San as well.

“Hyung!” Wooyung yelled. “We can’t just leave her!”

“You know why we followed her out here.”

“Hyung!”

“Seonghwa, Jongho, get the license plates.”

“HYUNG!”

    You could see some footsteps approaching, but you couldn’t make much out. There was a dull ache all over your body, although you felt more like you were floating. Still, among the chaos of everything, you didn’t want it to end this way.

“… help… save… me…”

    The two boys grabbed the license plates off the car and stepped away. No one was happy with this, but it was Hongjoong’s orders.

“… please… don’t leave… me…”

“We’re not seriously leaving her like this.” San said. “Are we?”

“The ambulance and police will be here soon, we have to go.”

“Hyung!”

“We don’t have time, let’s go.”

    You vaguely heard the sounds of sirens in the distance, followed by cars speeding off. It was hard to stay awake, but you held out, trying to wait for someone, anyone, to help. The sirens did get lower, and at some point you could see others approach. Your head was pounding and you could taste blood in your mouth, but you figured it was okay to close your eyes now. Even if you didn’t open them again, you could stay awake much longer. You heard voices, maybe speaking to you, but you just closed your eyes and sank into darkness.

❤

    You gasped awake, panicking as you felt the restraints on your body. You were freaking out and taking in your surroundings as all these memories flooded your mind. At one point you screamed, wishing you could grab your head, but your arms were restrained. You calmed yourself and took in some deep breaths, slowly looking up at the men surrounding you. They had been watching you calmly this whole time.

“So, do you remember now?” Hongjoong asked. “Do you remember us?”

“I… I remember…”

“That’s good. We-”

“You left me…”

“Huh?”

“You left me for dead… you tried to kill me!”

    You started screaming and thrashing in your restraints. This caught them off guard and San and Wooyoung quickly reached over to grab you and hold you still.

“Ya, ya, ya.” Seonghwa knelt down before you. “Easy now, you really think we left you for dead?”

“You did! You…” Tears stung your eyes. “You left me…”

“Oh baby, why did you run?”

“Huh?”

“Why did you run away that night? What reason did you have to run from us?”

“I…”

“Mingi said you were talking about the Black Pirates, and that you suspected us. Is that why you ran away?”

“Why… why did you chase me…”

“You didn’t seem to be in your right mind when you left, and to be driving, we were worried. We tried to get you to stop, but you wouldn’t. Then the unimaginable happened…”

“And you left…”

“You had one of our cars.” Yunho said. “We race with those, and they’re designed to survive a crash and flip. You were never gonna die.”

“Liar! How would I know that!”

“Cause you’re alive and well today, aren’t you?”

“Fuck you!”

“Easy now, easy.” Yeosang interrupted. “We just wanna talk. Now that everything is back in order we should clear things up, don’t you agree?”

“Let me go! You fuckers kidnapped me! You ran me off the road and tried to kill me and now this! You’re going-”

“Aish.” Hongjoong hissed. “Let’s just cut to it then.”

    Hongjoong stepped up before you and grabbed a handful of your hair, holding your head back. Some of the others didn’t like his actions but they said nothing, just watching.

“That night you came to our place, you went down to the garage with Mingi. One of our cars caught your eye. You recognized it as a car the Black Pirates used, even mentioning the partial plate. So now, my question is, how did you know that?”

“The news-”

“The news never reported on our crimes.” Hongjoong chuckled when your eyes went wide. “Yes baby girl, we’re the Black Pirates. The news reported the robberies, but never stated they were connected, never asked the public for help identifying a car or a partial plate, so how did you know about it? You a cop?”

“It was on the-”

“Y/n, sweetie, stop playing games.” Hongjoong let you go. “We know none of the car information was ever shared with the press, or leaked online. How so? We have an inside source. That means we know that the only people who had access to that information are somehow involved with the police. Now answer the question, are you a cop?”

“…”

“Perhaps you were an informant. That makes sense too. You stuck out like a sore thumb when you first came to the races, yet you were very social and befriended everyone.”

“That sounds like an informant.” Jongho added. “I remember you got so many phone numbers at your first party.”

“…”

“Why are you so silent now? You were yelling a few minutes ago.”

“Maybe we’re wrong.” San commented. “Maybe she’s an undercover cop. The authorities suspected street racers, and then she showed up.”

“Wait, wait, wait.” Mingi interrupted. “Isn’t she close friends with Stray Kids? They suddenly came on the scene and rose to our ranks. Looking back on it now, that seems suspicious, doesn’t it?”

“Chan and the others have nothing to do with this!” You snapped.

“With what? Are you admitting to working for the police?”

“…”

“Come on now, the silent treatment again?”

“Baby, we already know the truth.” Wooyoung commented. “Chan and his little stray kids are undercover cops. We knew there was someone like that in our midst but we weren’t sure until you confirmed it for us.”

“Wa… what?”

“Don’t you remember? That night you went out drinking with friends and Yunho took you home. He was gonna drop you off at your apartment but you had him take you somewhere else. We peeked in later when it was empty and imagine our surprise at what we found.”

“No… no I didn’t-”

“Sh, it’s okay.” Yunho assured. “You were intoxicated that night, and you didn’t mean any harm. Thanks for the information, although that just begs the question, what are you? A cop or informant? My money is on the latter.”

“…”

“You don’t have to be shy. We-”

“Don’t hurt him… any of them… please…”

“Now we’re getting somewhere.” Seonghwa chuckled. “Are you ready to be honest?”

“Just leave him alone…”

“Alright. So what are you then?”

“A volunteer…”

“Huh?”

“I’m not a cop… or informant… I just wanted to help…”

“Is that why you were so genuine with us? It was never a mask. Do you consider us your friends?”

“… I did…”

“Did? Past tense? You know we were genuine with you too, right?”

“What does that-”

“We’re not bad guys.” Yeosang added. “We’ve never hurt anyone. Just robbed some banks.”

“Why…”

“That’s hardly the point here. We may have met under special circumstances, but we’re friends. More than friends I’d say.”

“What?”

“You know…” Jongho began. “That night, we wanted to invite you to come with us.”

“Huh?”

“You were done with school and we were leaving this place. We wanted you to join us. To go on a new adventure together. Of course you ran off before we could propose the idea.”

“Me? Why… why would I go with you?”

“Don’t you remember your birthday party? I think that night speaks for itself.”

“I… that doesn’t…” You took a breath. “Do you think we have something? That beyond being friends there was more to this relationship?”

“Well, isn’t there?”

“No… you were my friends once, but I was reminded time and time again we come from different worlds. Anything between us was never gonna work out, so I had to let go first.”

“And look how that went.” Mingi commented. “You got scared and ran off, got yourself hospitalized too. Gosh, it was so annoying when Chan came busting down our doors with the police. It makes more sense now how he managed to do that.”

“What did you say?”

“Did he not tell you? Once you were stable he stormed our house looking for any evidence to insinuate that we ran you off the road. Of course he was trying to use the fact we were in the middle of moving to make his point, but that got him nowhere.”

“…”

“As you know, we were always planning to move.” Yunho added. “It’s why we wanted to ask you that night, but of course even if things didn’t go our way, we still had things set up. So the move continued, even if Chan was crawling all over our property and checking all our vehicles. He walked away empty handed.”

“Leave him out of this. I won’t tell him anything, so just let me go.”

“Let you go? We have all kinds of history-”

“That’s the past. You left me for dead on the road, and never came back. We’ve already parted ways.”

Wooyoung chuckled. “We never came back? Is that what you think? Oh baby, that’s far from the truth.”

“The hell are you talking about?”

“Aish. We were gonna get you from the hospital but Seonghwa got interrupted.”

“What?”

“We told you that we wanted to leave with you.” Seonghwa stated. “It was hard to find a moment when Chan wasn’t around to sneak in, and then you woke up to my surprise.”

“You… you were the one…”

“We were all so upset when Seonghwa reported your amnesia.” Hongjoong continued. “But you disappeared with Chan after you left the hospital so there was no way to check in on you. We had to wait till school started up again and hope to see you on campus. Thankfully we did, and the moments you interacted with some of us, it really showed you didn’t remember us at all. It was very upsetting, until we found out your memories were returning.”

“And so you kidnapped me?”

“We should be there for the important moment.”

“You drugged me and forced me-”

“Ya, that’s all in the past now. What matters is that you remember everything, and we’re together.”

“Let me go.”

“Not gonna happen.”

“Let. Me. Go. I want nothing to do with you, so I won’t say anything. Just let me go.”

“What part of no did you not understand?” San questioned. “We’ve been waiting for you for months. You don’t get to walk away like this.”

“We’re not friends anymore, and weren’t not anything else. So let me go.”

“Or what?” Yeosang asked. “What are you gonna do? Cause you’re still tied up in our garage baby. You gonna escape?”

“You-”

“We have no intention of letting you go. You’re staying with us either way. So get comfy.”

“Let me-”

“We only came back to this old town looking for you.” Hongjoong stated. “Now that we found you we can make preparations to leave and be on our way.”

“You can’t do this! Chan will realize I’m missing soon and-”

“What? He’ll come knocking on our door like he did when you got into your accident? We already told you he walked away empty handed, and that’s gonna happen again. No one is taking you away from us, not even you.”

“You’re all fucken psychos!”

“Yeah, yeah maybe we are.” Hongjoong grabbed your face. “But there’s just something about you that calls out to me. From the moment our eyes met, I just knew I had to have you. Being near you felt right, as if we had been together before, as if it was meant to be. Like some kind of deja vu.”

“You won’t get away with this!”

“I’m sure you felt it too. Heck, when my boys got close you admitted to feeling something familiar about them. Not to mention how we met again.”

“You-”

“I know you get deja vu.”

“…”

“So let’s stop pretending, okay?” Hongjoong let you go. “You guys know what to do with her. Make sure she’s comfortable until we leave.”

“Got it.”

“No! No, you can’t do this!”

“Just hold on for a while longer.” Seonghwa kissed your head. “We’ll begin again properly.”

“Let me go! You psychos! Let me go!”

    Some of them walked off, meanwhile San and Wooyoung held you down again. Yunho walked up to you with another needle and you tried to get him away, but you could only watch as something was injected into your arm.

“Don’t be scared, everything’s gonna be okay, you’ll see.”

“No! Please, please don’t do this.”

“Sh, just get some rest. We can talk more later.”

     You felt someone undoing your restraints, and once you were free you tried to jump Yunho, but you could feel your strength leaving you. Despite your efforts you couldn’t stay awake, and he easily scooped you up in his arms. His gentle voice was lulling you to sleep, and eventually you shut your eyes. Fading into the unknown with no idea what awaited you.

“There, there, sweet dreams love. Dream of us.”

[4dkellysworld]

When suffering happens

When unpleasant things happen in life, in an effort to understand it and find peace, we (our egos) often either try to find reason and understand why something happened/is so or immediately jump to conclusions and label it, often linking it to our identity like "oh it's because I am _____" or "it's because I did/thought/felt _____ which caused this, I shouldn't have done that!" or "This always happens to me ugh!!!" yet I find this habit ends up causing more harm than good and it is this self-identification that then ends up causing further spiralling and a pattern of similar events later in the future.

M: Detach yourself from all that makes your mind restless. Renounce all that disturbs its peace. If you want peace, deserve it. Q: Surely everybody deserves peace. M: Those only deserve it, who don't disturb it. Q: In what way do I disturb peace? M: By being a slave to your desires and fears. Q: Even when they are justified? M: Emotional reactions, born of ignorance or inadvertence, are never justified. Seek a clear mind and a clean heart. All you need is to keep quietly alert, enquiring into the real nature of yourself. This is the only way to peace. Chapter 8: The Self Stands Beyond Mind - I Am That, Nisargadatta Maharaj

Leave poor Vanessa alone and stop assigning her the responsibility and accountability of everything that the dream shows. The entire dream is all an expression of the Infinite Being, not hers (the ego) which she is just one more creation of. And it doesn't have to be your (the Self's/I AM's) dream anymore when you stop identifying with it.

This is why it's so important to let go of our ego, to let go of the unpleasant thoughts with indifference, reject any claim over them and detach any association with your I AM (the Self's identity) rather than intellectuallise what happened with the mind. You can cut it off and break the cycle right there.

Understanding this was truly the turning point that launched me into earnest and honest study of 4dbarbie's teachings and by extension, Lester Levenson and Nisargadatta Maharaj's teachings. I was just so sick of going through the same shit, being stuck in the trenches and going nowhere. At some point you're going to get so fed up that you just want to give it all up and not care about anything anymore.

The thing about nothing though is that it's the only thing that can take the shape of everything. 1

Isn't it so much more freeing to just say "fuck it all, it doesn't make sense and I don't care to think about it anymore. This isn't mine", let it go and move on?

Imagine you see a random couple out in public fighting about all their relationship problems openly. What goes through your head when that happens? For me, I go "phew yikes, I'm glad that's not me. Not my circus, not my monkeys. Not my problem", feel a sense of relief and gratefulness that it's not my burden to bear and move on with my day.

When nonsensical or unpleasant things happen in your life, treat it the same way you do when nonsensical or unpleasant things happen in your sleeping dreams for they are both I AM's imaginary creations. Just let it go, detach it from Self and move on - no matter what happens, it is not yours.

Important distinction: I am not saying to physically ignore your body and ego's needs, do what needs to be done but you (the Self) do not have to identify with it, you do not have to claim it as yours. You know it's not you and you are just observing everything, unaffected.

"When the mind is quiet, we come to know ourselves as the pure witness. We withdraw from the experience and its experiencer and stand apart in pure awareness, which is between and beyond the two. The personality, based on self-identification, on imagining oneself to be something: 'I am this, I am that', continues, but only as a part of the objective world. Its identification with the witness snaps." Chapter 6: Meditation - I Am That, Nisargadatta Maharaj

Stop trying to find reason as you are only further sustaining its reality by doing that.

"By resisting evil, you merely strengthen it." Chapter 72: What is Pure, Unalloyed, Unattached is Real - I Am That, Nisargadatta Maharaj "You may try to trace how a thing happens, but you cannot find out why a thing is as it is. A thing is as it is, because the universe is as it is". Chapter 4: Real World is Beyond The Mind - I Am That, Nisargadatta Maharaj

Just let it go. Letting go is what gives ultimate peace and freedom.

Not yours, remember? Repeat. Not yours. You won't lose your mind, you'll only lose your misery. See this world and the body as not real first. What is true is only what I AM is identified with, right now this body which is not in that TV show (your desired reality). Correct this first by letting go of thinking it's you 2

Just let go of the ego, that’s how simple it is.

[milaisreading]

Random scenarios between the manager and Blue Lock (pt 1)

Characters: Isagi, Bachira, Chigiri, Kunigami, Gagamaru, Baro, Reo and Nagi

Pt II will include: Yukimiya, Otoya, Hiori, Karasu, Rin and Kurona

Idk, thought of this randomly and I am sorry that it's this long for no reason. Requests are open if anyone wants to!

Warning ⚠️: Y/n is used with she/her. Possible manga spoilers.

⚽️Blue Lock is owned by:  Muneyuki Kaneshiro and Yusuke Nomura⚽️

Part II

Isagi:

"Do you need help with that, (Y/n)?" The girl turned to look in the direction the familiar voice came from, shaking her head with a smile.

"It's alright, Isagi. The boxes aren't heavy, go and rest. It's not everyday Ego-san shows mercy and let's you rest." (Y/n) said as the boy frowned a little. Shaking his head, he walked to where one of the boxes was and took it.

"It's really nothing. Friends are there to help, and I do feel kind of guilty that you can't rest." He admitted with a blush. The statement surprised the girl and she smiled back softly.

"I don't mind, it's in my contract after all. And besides, I am trying to do my best to make it easy on you guys as well. Being the future champions of Japan is a big burden!"

"Champions? You think we have a chance at winning?" Isagi asked, surprised at how confident she was in them. It warmed his heart knowing there was someone who believed in him even if he didn't.

"Of course! You guys are doing great, and with the talents you all are polishing you will be unstoppable at the World Cup! Trust me." (Y/n)'s grin along with her words caused the boy's face to turn a brighter red and a new sense of confidence took over his body.

"Thanks! I promise to not disappoint your expectations!"

"I know you won't!" (Y/n) nodded her head.

'I promise to get the Cup! Then I will ask (Y/n) out.' Isagi nodded to himself, a new goal already formed in his head.

Bachira:

"Bachira, come on! It's getting late and you need to sleep too." (Y/n) said, trying to get the boy off of the ground, but he wouldn't budge. It was already late and (Y/n) just wanted to clean everything up and go to sleep. Knowing how Ego is, he was probably judging her behind one of the cameras.

"No! I want to still play and train!"

"Is your monster telling you that?" (Y/n) wondered out loud as the boy kept quiet. She already got used to the talk of the monster and in Blue Lock nothing can really surprise her anymore, so asking about the monster came like a 2nd instinct to her.

"No... I just want to do better." Bachira said, hiding a small blush. It still amazed him how little she cared about the monster and acted like it's a normal thing. Unlike all the other people he met out and in Blue Lock.

"You are already great! Bachira, you need to rest too. Wanting to become great is a good thing here, but with no rest you will never achieve it." (Y/n) argued, but the boy still wouldn't budge. The girl thought for a moment, then went to pick up a ball from nearby.

'If you can't beat him, then join in.' She thought, kicking the ball towards the boy.

"Huh?" Bachira thought, picking the balk up and looking at the girl.

"How about this, I will help you train everyday for 30 minutes and then you go to sleep? Is that good?" Bachira looked at her in confusion for a moment, but soon after grinned and jumped up, kicking the ball back.

"Alright! It's a deal!"

'She is all I need to keep calm... my monster loves her and so do I. I can't wait till I win the World Cup and ask her out!'

Chigiri:

Excitedly, (Y/n) ran down the hallway to look for her red haired friend, package held tightly against her chest. She had been waiting for the item for weeks, and she was more than happy to know it came before the U-20 match.

'It's here! Teieri-san was right when she said it will be fast! Chigiri will love this!' She thought, running to the cafeteria where she eventually found the boy eating.

"Chigiri! I got something for you!"

Surprised, the boy looked up from his plate as (Y/n) stood in front of him, holding out the mysterious box to him.

"What... what is that? I didn't order anything." Chigiri argued, his face going a bright red when he looked at (Y/n) more closely.

'She looks so pretty today...'

"I know! I ordered it... well Teieri-san did since she is the one with the money... but that doesn't matter! Here, open it please!"

Confused, Chigiri took the box and slowly opened it. His expression turned into a shocked one, inside was a red knee brace and he took it out to inspect it.

"Where... where did you find that?" Chigiri asked, noticing it had his initials on the inside.

"I showed it to Teieri-san after I looked for a way to make your running easier, and she agreed to use the funds to buy it! The company even offered some personal touches as well. Hope you like it!" (Y/n) grinned excitedly as Chigiri kept quiet for a moment, unsure what to say. He was really touched that someone outside his family cared this much, not to mention it was the same girl he had liked for the past few months.

"I... I love it. Thank you, I will make sure to wear it whenever I can."

As (Y/n) was cheering him on, Chigiri couldn't help a fond smile as he looked up at her.

'Yes, she is the one I want. Coming and staying in Blue Lock was the best decision. I love her so much that I don't think I can hold it in till the World Cup.' He sighed.

Kunigami:

"Why are you eating alone? I am used to seeing Isagi and Chigiri with you." (Y/n) said as she sat across Kunigami, who nervously swallowed his food down.

"They went to sleep, I stayed a little later than usually to train."

(Y/n) nodded her head, sliding her noodles to him.

"Huh?"

"You need the food more than I do right now. Besides, I ate a lot during lunch today." The girl explained as the boy looked around the place, then back at her.

"You sure Ego-san won't get mad?"

"It won't be the first time. I stopped counting the amount of times Nagi stole food from me." (Y/n) shrugged her shoulders as Kunigami took the bowl, grateful for the extra food.

"Thank you... and thanks for the help. We don't tell you that often." He said with a tint of red on his cheeks.

"You really don't need to thank me, watching you all play is rewarding enough. Can't wait till I see you guys bring Japanese football to the next level! That will be exciting!"

The answer surprised the boy and he slowly nodded his head. A comforting silence fell among them and Kunigami kept sending the girl a few short glances.

'She looks prettier than normally... I really hope we stay close after Blue Lock. Maybe in a year or so I could ask her out properly.'

Gagamaru:

"Good job, Gagamaru! You did great out there! The save was amazing!" The boy blushed as (Y/n) patted his back. It wasn't a everyday thing that anyone paid this much attention to him. He was mostly silent and on the goal, not scoring and usually out of the attention radar. Well, except from Ego and (Y/n)'s, who paid attention to him for different reasons. Ego to either point out his flaws or sometimes compliment him in a weird way. (Y/n) meanwhile watched him always in a encouraging and warm way, a way that made him want to do better, show off his skills.

"Y-you think so?" The boy wondered as he wiped off his sweat.

"Yeah! You are so ready for the U-20 match! They won't know what hit them when they see you on the goal!" (Y/n) told him. Her words meant a lot more to him than (Y/n) could imagine, and je was kind of greatful for Reo coming over to pull (Y/n) away for some reason. Gagamaru watched her and sighed dreamily.

'If only I wasn't so silent... but soon I will open up. I just need to prove myself first.' Gagamaru nodded to himself.

Baro:

"Why do the towels smell so differently?" Baro wondered and looked straight at (Y/n) as she picked up the empty water bottles. The girl stopped in her tracks and thought for a moment.

"Oh! I forgot that I am using a new detergent now. That's why it smells differently."

"A new detergent?" Baro questioned.

"You complained a week ago that the detergent smelled bad and made the towels rougher than necessary. After inspecting them I asked Ego-san to switch them out. Thank God Teieri-san was there to help me." Baro kept quiet for a moment as he stared at (Y/n), making the girl more nervous than needed.

"Is that not good either? I made sure to get the extra softening one."

"No! No it's fine, I just didn't expect you to care enough for it this much." Baro said, sounding genuinely dumbfounded.

"My job is to take care of your issues, and you are my friend. So why wouldn't I care." (Y/n) shrugged, going back to her previous duties as Baro sighed and smelled the towel a little more.

'My queen is always making sure I am doing great. Can't wait till I make everything official. She will have the best of the best.'

Reo:

Reo walked through the hallway as he held a box with some baked goods his parents had sent him. It wasn't normal for Ego to allow presents inside, but after the victory over U-20, he became more lenient. So now once a month they could get some baked goods from the outside.

'Where is she... I hope she will like them. I asked my mom to find the best bakery in the city.'

The boy opened the door to one of the training rooms and sighed in relief when he saw (Y/n) there taking notes.

"(Y/n)! Are you busy?" The boy asked as the girl turned around to look at Reo in surprise.

"Reo?! Not at all, did you need something?" (Y/n) wondered as the boy jogged over to her, handing her the box.

"Not really! I just wanted to give you this! Hope you like them." Reo said as he blushed. (Y/n) looked at the box in surprise and took it slowly.

"For me? Strange, I already got the package from my parents."

"This is from my parents. I asked them to get these for you... as a thank you gift." Reo said, sounding bashful as he watched (Y/n) open the box, gasping when she saw the cupcakes inside.

"Reo! This is too much! They look like those expensive ones advertised on the internet! Why would you do this?!" (Y/n) asked, sounding genuinely embarrassed.

"You do a lot for us...and I wanted to thank you in some way. And this is my way of doing so. Just take them, please." Reo insisted, and after a minute or two (Y/n) finally agreed.

"I owe you one." She muttered as she took a bite from one of the cupcakes and the boy shook his head as he ate one too, after (Y/n) forced him to take it.

'Typical... she never let's anyone take care of her. But I will show (Y/n) that she can always rely on me. I will keep doing it as long as it takes for her to realize she deserves it.' Reo sighed, already planning something else.

Nagi:

Nagi groaned as he hid in a nearby storage room. Out of Ego's short neglect, the boy had escaped the training room and found safety in the abandoned corner of the building. He really didn't wish to leave training today, since (Y/n) was there, but he barely got any sleep the past week. It was all because of his ever-growing crush on the girl, he felt like his heart would explode when he was around her, and at night it became hard to sleep because of it.

'Stupid feelings...' Nagi groaned, closing his eyes shut as he heard the doorknob rattle. He groaned inwardly, prepared for a scolding from Ego or whoever it was, but nothing came of it.

"Did you find him, (Y/n)?" Reo's voice was heard and Nagi resisted the urge to open his eyes and look at the girl.

'Great...' The boy thought, expecting her to say yes.

"Uhh... no. Just some old brooms."

'Huh? Did he just lie?' Nagi thought in shock as he heard Reo groan and walking off to a different place. He heard (Y/n) sigh and she walked closer to Nagi's frozen form.

"I know you are awake. Go and take a nap, I will deal with Ego-san."

"And why would you do that?" Nagi asked suspiciously, opening one eye as (Y/n) shrugged her shoulders.

"You need rest, that's quite obvious. I want you to be healthy and well-rested, not half dead. Just go, Nagi." (Y/n) said and walked out to go and talk with Ego.

The boy stared at the entrance as his face turned a bright red and he hid his face with his hands.

'I think I really do love her even more now!'

[icarusredwings]

Baby Eveyln small update

Tw: Mentions of miscarriage, child loss, voices, mental illness, argueing.

Logan is starting to get worried. A little too worried. Some of the things he is saying make far too much sense, the way he holds the baby, becoming way too serious to be simply coping. If anything, Evelyn was making him cope less, forcing him to spend most of his time with her, taking her to the park, taking her to the store, and even to work. It was getting to the point where Eve was "crying" during class and began to freak out some of the students.

"..but.. Mr. Wade.. she's a toy."

"She's crying!"

The silence was loud to them, but not to Wade, who was now on paid suspension for two weeks to try to settle his mental state but now Wade couldn't even sleep without the doll. He didn't laugh as much anymore. He didn't take many merc jobs anymore. Hell- he didn't want to take any jobs at the moment, even bringing up the idea of being a stay at home dad. This, of course caused an argument.

"Wade, you cant be a stay at home dad if we don't have any kids! If you want to take a break thats fine, but you can't use her as an excuse, shes... shes plastic, honey. You need to realize that. Shes not real. You are making the crying on your own."

"I'm not! An-and she IS crying!"

"All she does is cry apprently! It's not healthy, Wade. Something is wrong!"

"She laughs too! S-she giggles at me! It's real! I-i can hear it!" He cries, still holding the doll in his arms, yelling back like a tired mother in a Drama who just found out her husband was cheating.

"If you don't want to be part of this family.. t-Then don't! Leave us alone! Go! She dosn't need a father like you anyway!" He screams, wearing nothing but his silk nightie robe and a pair of boxers... storming off into their room.

Slamming the door..

So, It leads him to consult an expert in Wade's manic depressive episodes. Vanessa. Wade mentioned them both taking parenting classes to see if they were ready for a kid but the way Wade was describing it... there may have already been one.. Infact that's why he called her here.

At first, he pitter pattered around the subject. Lightly implying, and then beat around the bush, beating the bush finally when she ignored the question, acting as if she hadn't heard. Logan knew already by her avoidance, but he needed her to confirm. To be sure.

"Were you... ever pregnant?..while with Wade, I mean.." It's a whisper, in the corner of some run down diner. He had bought her a piece of strawberry short cake and a coffee in hopes to soften things over, he himself a coffee and buttered pancakes.

"What? No.. why would you think that?" She says, but looks away, quickly taking a drink of her coffee, looking longingly out the window.

"...Ness.."

She glances at him with such wide eyes, frowning. "What is it, Logan?"

"I won't tell him." He states, watching as she swallows, looking around before whispering.

"...It would destroy him."

That's what Logan thought. An internal sigh washed over him as he glances down at the table. "I know.. but with Eve-"

"That stupid babydoll he carries around to torture me with? What about her?" She grunts, by now her eyes teary, begining to look at the ceiling, clearly angry that she couldn't have what she wanted, and yet Wade could play with the doll.

Ooh... that made sense as to why Vanessa wouldn't play mommy and daddy with him. His brows crease upwards, head lowering as he looks at her with such sympathy. "Yeah....Why didn't you tell me? I can put her up when you visit.. so.. It's not as painful..."

"He can't know. No one can know. If he found out, he'd-" Her throat tightens, cutting off as she took a deep breath, now staring at him in his eyes, serious and biting her tounge.

"...Promise me."

"I won't tell him... I promise." Taking a napkin, he passed it to her. "I just.. I need to know what's going on so I can get him help. By helping me, you're helping him." He whispers, letting things sit like that for a while, silently starting to eat his food, waiting patiantly.

Finally, Vanessa took a breath. "Don't let this be for nothing.."

"I won't...Do you know if anyone else could possibly-"

Vanessa gave him a glare. One that said 'Ive been engaged to this bastard for 10 years and you think he has a kid with someone else?'

So Logan nodded. "Got it."

But now this leads Logan to wonder... Did Wade deserve to know? It was his kid afterall...

[not-goldy]

I just know when Jennie hit send on those paris pictures, she and Tae were laughing like evil maniacs. Do tkk really think because they are a loud group and trend Tk just cause they breath next to each other, they will somehow convince people Taennie never happened and Tk is real? The entire world watched Tae & Jennie's dating life get exposed little by little, by a hacker, until they took control of their situation and went public in Paris on their own terms. The whole world is laughing at that cult. So why are Jkks even entertaining Tkk at this point? Its pointless. They are always gonna claim atomix is a private date, even with proof from Atomix it was a OT7 dinner. They will always crop members or their friends to push their ship. Its a TK private date, but all members are there. Its a TK bowling date, but Wooga is there. Its a TK skiing date, but Wooga is there. Its a TK concert date, but Nicole is there with JK for some reason and Jennie off to the side and a wooga too that Tae leaves with. Its a TK vegas date, but Hobi is there. Its a TK house date with an impromptu live, but Hobi is there. Its a TK online gaming date, but Wooga is there and Tae living with one of his Wooga members. It's a TK LA beach & dinner date, but Jimin is right there and seems RM was at that dinner, since he posted a picture. Its a TK hotel date, but other people are there. It's a TK premiere date, but other people are there. Full blown stupidity. My ship is a couple, but they don't spend couple days together, confirmed, but they do spend couple days with others, confirmed. They spend time together, but on couple days, is where they draw the line and don't? Its Tae telling us he was alone and slept through Valentines and a couple weeks later its Jk out on White Day with Jimin for me. Two couple days back to back and NOTHING from your ship. MAKE IT MAKE SENSE.

Also HELLO? Tae had another man living in his apartment. Someone he also is extremely clingy to and all over when he's around him. And MF's act like JK is jealous over Tae. Bitch please. JK don't give a fuck. Tae out here with a girlfriend and another man living at his house and MF's think JK will just be okay with all this? I'm fucking wheezing. The man was doing cartwheels on live singing Jimin songs, the day the Taennie news broke. He is the most unbothered person when it comes to Taennie. So why not leave him out of Tae's business?

Also, Its Jikook taking their first trip alone and together, but that isn't a private trip. It's Jikook together alone on Silver Day in NY, but that's not a date and Jikook in Connecticut, but that's not a private trip. It's Jikook taking a private trip to Japan before enlisting, but that's not a couple trip. It Jikook watching The Avengers with no other members, but that isn't a date. Its Jikook ice skating alone, but that isn't a date. Its Jikook out shopping alone, but that isn't a shopping date. It's Jikook together on White Day eating, but that don't count. Its Jikook together during Chuseok, but again, it doesn't mean anything. Its Jikook together on JK's bday alone (bonus for Tae asking Jimin to come sleep with him, instead of the birthday boy, WHOMP WHOMP) but that also doesn't count. Its Jikook ALONE drinking, bridal twirling and hickey sucking, but that also doesn't count. It's Jikook enlisting ALONE and together. Like get the fuck out of here, your ship will never be in Jikook's league. No one is playing your silly fucking games anymore. You ship isn't real and you can't even argue it without looking like you need a straight jacket at this point. Tae put the final nail in the coffin and Jennie buried y'all, while Jikook walking together over your graves for the next 18 months. Its over and done. Move on. You got 18 months to get your life together.

Cook

[vampiretendencies]

hi love :) idk if your requests are still open but if they are.. ik you’ve done so many physical touch blurbs with jj but i just need more lmaooo. like it could be whatever you’d like, i just need some clingy, touchy, jj yk?

hope you’re having a great day ! remember to take your time and eat some good food <3

warnings; fluff

pairing; jj maybank x fem!reader

authors note; i present to you early weekend mornings with mr. maybank himself, i don’t make the rules

There’s a measly draft, whisting in the whole of the shared bedroom. It’s distant, acquired a sort of eerie presence that JJ was foreign to. So dauntingly cold— enough to raise goosebumps and he wasn’t one to get those.

No, not with your body warmth. It’s the last thing he goes to bed too, and the first thing he wakes up to in the morning.

Especially with lack of clothing, he falls to slumber in nothing but his boxers. And, you do so in the smallest of panties and a bralette of some sort. There’s something so satisfying about drifting to sleep at the hands of the other with little to nothing close to nakedness— inside and out.

His puffed out morning cheeks are grumpy, met with linen sheets and a dip in the open space where you should be laying. The more he lies here thinking you’ll be back within seconds, is the more he trembled uncontrollably. For even the weighted comforter could not bring him the familiar snugness you did.

He’s defeated now, aware that without you in this bed next to him he won’t be falling asleep. His real questions have been ‘where are you?’ and ‘what the hell is taking so long?’. You obviously weren’t in the bathroom, it’s feet away and the dimly lit light was off, door having the slightest crack showing no trace of you— and that’s so fucking disappointing.

“Ugh!”

His rasp-ridden voice carries, he does so purposefully because he knows you’ll hear it down the hall— the only explanation for as to where you could be at this given moment is in that vicinity. Kitchen or living room.

With one twirl of the blanket, his muscular frame is throwing the white comforter over his shoulders, crinkling the entirety of the sheets that were tucked in at one point before. Sinewy arms portruded outward to keep his shivering body intact.

JJ would like to believe that this is a near death experience.

Because he is compelled by your affectionate touch— making everything feel painless.

He is so insufferable.

For the complaining and whining that you know is about to ensue, has already caused an eye roll; with continued grunts and loud coughs the whole while he travels in search of you. He drags the comforter that’s wrapped around him on the hard wood oak floor, scuffing it and corrupting the pure white fabric with pelts of debris.

Catching glimpse of your figure with a spatula in hand, flipping at what he deemed to be french toast. Cinnamon invaded his senses, such a sultry taste he could almost taste it without even eating it. But, that’s not important right now.

Your tender skin peeks through your usual morning attire so amorous and ardent, his knees are about to buckle.

Christ. You looked so heavenly.

But, that’s not important right now either.

He hopes to grin, but he doesn’t as he remembers you left him feeble and lonesome this morning. His pout deepening whilst he approaches you. You don’t gaze from the the soaked bread, the waddle of his padded feet giving him away.

It’s so unfair that you left him so early and sulking in a melancholy manner.

The weighted material that was over his shoulders, he drops— he no longer needs that solace anymore, he wants the one in front of him. It collides in a pool on that same floor, JJ didn’t necessarily care about the fact that the bedroom set comforter is splattered with dirt that was unseen, it was just a ploy really— to get to you.

His hands palm at your hip bones, shaping smooth figure eights with his index finger. He pushes you so flush against the stove you think you might fall head first into the pan with the saccharine breakfast. Rocking the two of you, in steady rhythms. Nothing is ever close enough for JJ, he’d live in your brain if you let him. Take your rich blood maybe wear it around his neck. Perhaps if you wouldn’t be able to touch him physically then you’d be touching close to his heart— the one that beats for you. Thinking maybe he can just settle for that, toppling the weight of his entire body onto your back, his cheek smushed against your shoulder. Boxers hanging low on his structured waist, nearing his v-line, he’s flat there, allowing you to feel all of him.

“You left me,” his voice is stained with a pout, and muffled from his breaths against your shoulder.

Oh, you wanted to melt into him, let him carry you back to the bedroom. Though, you’ve wasted almost an hour this morning trying to figure out this damn french toast recipe, practically drooling in your sleep for something more filling than cereal. JJ could live off the stuff, however you think it’s about time either of you learn how to cook. After all, there is no personal sous chef in this apartment.

His sullen look continues, because this is just not enough. He aspires to feel you in his veins, injecting you, flowing through, and giving him this strength of outlasting indulgence no other could. Every exhale and inhale should be your air, shared with with him. Call it overly clingy, whatever, the man is just overly consumed by you. Alike, you were a radiant opening to a world he had yet to discover, once he stepped foot into that world he couldn’t compensate for turning back.

“Got up to cook us some real breakfast,” you giggle, despite this not being a laughing matter to JJ whatsoever. Making things go stale.

His cheek left your shoulder— squish-able at best. His arms elongate further, pulsating with bulging muscles, swallowing you in his hold with a wrap of his arms around your waist. Hands meeting at your front, interlocking and resting there. The nape of your neck seemed neglected, it was almost a trance that he touch it. Bits of flyaways there from the remainder of your hair being tied up. His sweet lips manage a light sleepy kiss to the space, it’s slow and a bit wet from being half awake. Your insides erupt into a fit of giddiness, millions of uneasy jitters swarming your insides. You have yet to get use to his hold or his kiss, feels just like the initial time though somehow it’s worsened as your love for him picks up pace with every growing hour. He presses another whilst you attempt to flip the sugary bread on its pale side, spatula scooping beneath.

A part of you has this inkling that there will be no syrupy french toast to dive into during these early hours.

“Don’t want food,” he breathes, lips moving to another crevice of your neck now, nose catching a waft of your emphatic scent. He nuzzled his nose there, letting it linger like he needed feel it within the centres of his bones. His next swift movement catches you off gaurd, flipping the heat notch on the stove off, and forcing the spatula out of your hands. “Want you.”

Before you can comprehend, he’s spinning you on your heals and you wriggle in his grasp, seating you atop the kitchen island the granite sending a tremble down your spine.

“JJ?! M’fuckin’ hungry!”

You gesture at the meal that you were ready to scarf down behind him. And his pout is now glimmering with a toothy, tip-lipped grin, your face is stoic trying to pretend as if you don’t like it.

“I’ll order us something, yeah?”

With a cross of your arms, he’s standing between your legs at eye length and he swore someone kicked at the backs of his knees the way they want to give out, rendering him a nothingness of putty at the sight of you. Large hands grasping so tight to your inner thigh, his nails would surely leave the shape of crescent moons— he’s trying to contain himself.

You can’t believe the fiending boy before you— eager to readmire every centimeter of you for the better part of his day, keeping him continuously high.

“No J, you came in and interrupted me, there’s perfectly good food right there. All you have to do is let me finish-“

“Didn’t hear you complaining when I did, baby.”

He knows he’s got you by the glint in your eyes and from the effervescent smile you’re trying to hold back.

“Might have missed you a little … but it was quieter when you were sleeping,” you tease and his lips quirk impossibly higher.

“Believe you owe me somethin’, pretty girl.”

His eyes shut, long eyelashes fluttering, whilst he puckers his lips obnoxiously awaiting his ‘good morning’ kiss. His day is not the same without it. You oblige, small hands cupping either of his cheeks, one higher up and carding a hand through his blonde tresses. Mouths connect, it’s enveloping and filled with hunger. He can’t help himself the way his hand accidentally slips beneath your thin bralette and you grab athis wrist, humming into his mouth, a signal for him to stop before you let go.

He doesn’t stop, and you never let go.

Mornings like these spoke volumes, these mornings are the ones JJ lived for.

[snexy-the-snail]

One shot PJ idea related to your latest tidbit about Percy biting Apollo (lol)

Maybe everyone starts taking a break from the whole “eating Percy whenever they get a chance” thing because Poseidon commanded them to do so after the biting incident. So now it’s been a couple weeks (you can adjust this time period to whatever you think makes sense) since Percy has been nommed and Percy’s kinda going nuts from sleep deprivation and missing the comfort of being held inside a god. He was initially relieved that they’ve giving him space but now he’s kinda peeved that he has to be the one to initiate the noms so he can actually sleep. He ends up having to awkwardly go up to Poseidon/Triton and actually ASK to be tucked away. Noms commence and everyone feels better cause Percy can now sleep soundly and the gods feel relieved knowing that Percy is more comfortable with noms now :3

Hehehe I love it Just the idea that Percy is more than annoyed to have to ask for it. Like sure it sucked being gulped down but having to ask is something thats worse because who asks for that?

A week. A week with little to no sleep whatsoever, with campers looking at him cautiously. He felt like the first week of camp again, with people avoiding him like a plague. Like he was different and dangerous. He was jumpier now, his hand in his pocket more often than not. Even Mr. D started to give him looks which further didn't help with this whole thing.  

All because he had bitten Apollo. There weren't any more attempts from gods, not Apollo, Hermes, no one even tried it anymore not even Triton or his own Dad. It was driving him mad to be honest. He probably looked horrible, and the last straw was a new camper bursting into tears when he went to rescue them from a monster at the border.  

How did he even do this?  

He paced in front of the beach, trying to focus on the warmth of the sand, the soothing rush of water. That was hard considering his heart pounded in his chest, and the anxiety of a monster hunting him itched at his skin. "Prayer maybe?" He mumbles under his breath. Normally he didn't...he could probably count on his hand the few times he had reached out like that to his dad. Everything felt like it was spinning, his vision darkening every few seconds.  

If he didn't get to sleep soon it was going to happen, and those types of dreams... 

"Dad." He starts out, cringing when his voice cracks. He wets his lips and tries again, standing as firm as he could. "I... like really need you." He says after a second. "I'm not dying or anything I just... I really need you here." 

Part of him expected nothing to happen, for his prayer to go unanswered, or just to get a comforting breeze of sea air. 

Pure relief flooded through his body when his vision filled with the stupid Hawaiian print shirt. Everything pitched forward, not realizing he was falling until arms encircled around him, steadying him. Poseidon smelt like the sea, and even just beginning in the vicinity made Percy feel like he was a puddle.  

"Percy, what ails you, my son?"  

"Sleep."  

There was a pause, before Percy felt a hand tousle through his hair. If he hadn't been a puddle now, he certainly this moment. His eyes felt concrete, unable to open again. When he didn't get a response, he continued. "Eat me, and like don't argue I.. I need it." He whispers, bringing his hands up to grip the fabric of his dad's shirt. Poseidon was here, he could feel it. You couldn't feel hallucinations. 

"You...you need it? I thought that it..." His dad's voice trails off, a panicky feeling rushing through Percy. he couldn't refuse, he couldn't just leave.  

"No! No! I need it, don't me make beg please- I just I was so tired of no one asking or stopping. But I need it. I can't sleep, eating is so hard and-and I made a camper cry!" he rambles, feeling build up behind his eyes. Oh he was going to cry. Wonderful. "Don't make me beg...please dad."  

There wasn't a response which made him antsy, until the warmth instantly enveloped him. When had he shrunk? Did he shrink? All he saw was darkne- oh he hadn't opened his eyes yet. Still, he sunk into the odd embrace eagerly. Percy's brain went numb after that, the familiar motions rocking him much like being on a boat. Next time he swore he was just going to dive into the ocean.  

The rushing in his ears soon replaced with the steady thumping of his dad's heart, the deep breaths of the god. At least he had remembered that. The silence would've been worse. He was struggling to stay conscious when a swallow rolled over him, muscles tugging him deeper into the core of the god. This, after a week, was pure bliss.  

After that day, Percy found he didn't need to ask anymore, which was great but also awkward in some sense. "I'm fine Triton, I promise." he says with a sigh, stretching slightly as he ran the forms again with the younger campers. "Feet further apart kid, yep- yeah that's it." He says with a small smile, the kid beaming.  

"You didn't sleep last night; father did not have you nor did Hermes or Apollo." Triton points out, his eyes wandering over to the group of eager demigods copying stances. "I will do it right here if you refuse." He adds on, smirking when Percy went ridged. "After this group. Deal?"  

"Deal." 

It was a routine now, asking who had either tucked the boy away or simply had sat next to the boy. At times oddly enough it would be Mr. D, sitting with the boy and ensuring he was sleeping. It wasn't a bad system, although it was agreed that no one would proceed if Percy was genuinely against it, Apollo agreeing as he still felt guilt provoking Percy to that point. 

[jadededge]

Siren | Christian Yu - Ch. 2

Pairing: Christian x You

Genre: Demon AU, Romance, Smut, slight Horror

Rating: M

Summary: That voice. It started calling me during the darkest moments of the night, like a siren luring me further into the deep and it has continued for weeks.

Wattpad | AO3   (will likely always update these 2 places first)  

Navigation: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3

I'm awake. "I'm awake. What was that?" My heart was racing as I tried to cling to the details of what I'm sure was just a dream. A very vivid dream. But it felt so real. As I tried to sit up, I wince. My body is sore all over but I can't remember what happened to me.

After laying for what felt like hours, I got up to get ready for work. I slowly make my way to the mirror and take a look at myself. "What is that?!" I zero in on a strange bruise just below my right breast. It's got a funny shape, but I cant remember exactly how it got there.

In the distance of my mind I vaguely recall bits of what happened in the dream but with every passing moment I forget more and more, including his name. I can only see clearly his eye, his eyes. And that voice.

Shrugging off the unease that crept up my spine, I continued my routine, inspecting my body for anymore abnormalities. I wasn't looking forward to going to sleep that night but I told myself, just get through today and worry about that later.

Though, since that day, I stopped hearing the voice. The first couple of nights, I was afraid to fall asleep. I was afraid I would be lured back into his or its lair. But nothing. I slept peacefully for quite a few days. On the sixth day, I chalked it up to my imagination. The bruise disappeared, and I slowly began to go back to normal. His eye, his eyes, and that voice were the only memories of the dream that remained.

On the 7th day, however, my literal world turned upside down.

"I'm exhausted. How much longer must we carry this load." My coworker Kira laments as we chat during lunch at a café near the office. "It's been 3 weeks since Jason got fired and we're still carrying these extra assignments."

"I know. I didn't think he was the type to steal. He's honestly the best director I've worked for. You know, other than the stealing thing." I add.

She nods, "Same! I heard they may be close to finding someone. They need to hurry it along. We've got a deadline and a butt load to go."

I nod in agreement.

Once we arrived back at the office, we noticed quite a few people up and gathering around one of the manager's door. Another coworker Andrew is hanging back and looking on.

"What's going on?" I ask.

"Boss found a replacement for Jason. Guess they finalized everything over lunch." He whispers to Kira and I.

"Oh wow! I wonder if he's cute." Kira says excitedly causing Jason to roll his eyes.

I can't clearly see the new person from where we're standing. But just as the crowd parts slightly, I get a clear view, and my heart stops.

I gasp and freeze in place. "You okay?" Kira asks.

I can't answer and my vision tunnels. As if he sensed me, he turns to me and stares directly into my eyes and smiles slowly, a bright devious smile. I start to panic.

"I'm uh. I'm okay. I just need to sit down for a second." I retreat to my office quickly and shut the door.

"It's him. I- I can't remember what he did but it's him. How?" I start panicking. I really wanted to go home. I can't think straight and there's no way I'm going to get any work done. "Let me at least email Kira and let her know I'm working from home the rest of the day." And tomorrow.

As I'm packing my things to go, a knock at my door broke me out of my thoughts. "Come in."

I don't know why I didn't expect him to walk in, because of course.

"Hi." He steps in smiling brightly at me. Something about it was sinister. "You must be..."

"You." It slips out before I'm able to contain myself.

He tilts his head to the side, still smiling. "Me?"

"Yes. Y- you" I'm stuttering I never stutter. I realized I'm scared, but I cant scream. I can't ask for help. His voice sounds similar but not the same. It's not as deep. Am I imagining things?

"Yes I'm Christian. Your new supervisor." He steps further into my office, not closing the door completely. That does little to comfort me. "You must be..." he extends his hand to shake mine.

The way he sounds when he says my name makes my head spin. It was much deeper. Guttural. Just like that voice. Deep down, I know it's him. But he shows no signs of skipping a beat. I feel like I'm losing it again. I quickly stand trying to grasp my sanity. I place my hand in his and it all comes back to me. The dream I had mostly forgotten. I've got to get away from him. I pull my hand back quickly.

"I'm uh-sorry, I was leaving early for the day. I'm not feeling well and I really need to leave."

"Oh I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you get some rest." He's just smiling.

[samwinchestersbf]

"I Will"

Sam Winchester x Reader

This was based on Mitski's song, I just love her music so much.

Authors note: Suprise!! A comfort fic!! I haven't been doing the best lately, my mental health is really getting to me. I think writing this may help :) Beware of any writing mistakes, it's 4 am right now so criticism is welcomed. (silly hours for me) Non-specific reader and this one might be a little small.

Reblogs are appreciated!! <3

He was always so caring and lovely no matter what, you knew that.

However, something inside of you just ate at you for days, weeks even. It was different and difficult, causing the past to reel you back in. The 'What if' thoughts were consuming you once again.

What if that never happened to you? What if everything you went through was for nothing? What if this was the last week for you? What if you're just making it all up? What if.

The sadness was a persistent parasite, you wanted it out of you.

You were a little avoident and dismissive about it, throwing "Yep I'm good"'s at him.

He knew something was actually up with you, he attempted to try to fish it out of you.

You started to refuse to sleep in the same bed, if you did it would only be for a little bit before rising earlier than he did. You slept in the library or even the kitchen, your excuses with research and exhaustion weren't cutting it anymore.

He didn't do anything wrong, it was you being you.

He was finally able to corner you, catching you up in your lies.

You two were sitting in the impala, Dean in the store for some food on the ride home. You, in the backseat, pretending to be asleep so you could wiggle your way out of the tense situation.

"You're getting worse, I can see it. Please just talk to me, I will take good care of you."

You took a quiet deep breath to reject the tears.

You couldn't explain it to anyone out loud, it felt like an internalized argument with yourself.

An argument of upset and angry thoughts. You wanted help but the shame and bravery of asking for help was overwhelming to ignore.

His hand patiently reached for yours. It was warm and soothing. You ached for his love yet you couldn't bring yourself to embrace it.

"I'm sorry," is all you could mutter out. How could you explain to him?

Sorry Sam! The thoughts are getting worse and I'm not sure if I'll make it this time. I hope you can understand!

As if that was okay to tell him, it'll raise him to questions and concerns.

Dean came back to the car, putting an end to the situation. He was aware of how your mental state was, you weren't too hard to read.

He offered you food and you accepted it out of a hint of guilt if you didn't. You just placed the food next to you and watched the environment move when he backed out of the parking lot.

The drive was going normal, their normal brother bickering and silence. They were having a talk about the hunt you all got done with yesterday.

You decided to tune it all out, ruminating in your own world.

You thought of ways to tell him. Maybe you didn't need to, you could just lock it all away to eventually forget.

You started to feel a sense of dread building up in you so you attempted to sleep it off.

You woke up with soft whispers of your name, Sam's voice trying to wake you up.

Due to the lack of sleep and high alert you bolted up, sitting straight and facing him.

"We're here now, come inside so we can talk."

Those words made you feel small as a little kid would when they get in deep shit. You thought about it more, that's all you've been doing as of lately.

You got out of the car with Sam trailing behind you.

Dean must've been inside already, ready to booze and snooze.

The two of you just walked in the same tense atmosphere as before, making your way to your shared room.

He closed the door behind and immediately wrapped his arms around you in such a gentle way.

Obviously you couldn't help but sob in his care, you needed it so much. Repeating the words 'I'm sorry' to him over and over.

It never felt enough.

He never said anything during it, he understood sometimes you struggle. He played with your hair, guiding you to the bed to sit down with him.

"It's okay to feel this way", he replied to your aftermath of crying.

"I'm always here for you. I will always be here for you. There's no need to run and hide from it." The way he spoke to you in that tone, you wanted to melt in his love.

"Do you want to talk about it?" You shook your head still unsure of how to talk about it. He gave a simple nod and hugged you a little tighter before letting go.

"We should go clean up, we're dirty from that hunt."

Sam held your hand the entire time as he lead you to the showers.

You both stood in silence again, just appreciating each other while the water ran. You wished the peaceful intimate moments with him lasted forever.

The night ended with him holding you, the tense atmosphere now replaced with kindness and comfort.

"It's just getting really bad again, I just want it to stop."

"We can get through it together, please just stay with me for now."