#cause I mean if it's gonna be on this blog I want this in my tag
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#one piece#sanji#black leg sanji#everysanji#fishman island#ch644#i'm actually reading these chapters right now bc i know that fishman island is like.#a metaphor for racism and to some extent isolationism of communities#and how that allows for hatred to grow unchecked and hate is a very unproductive emotion#i dont think the hatred/dislike towards humans is entirely unprompted#i mean obviously we see how fishmen are treated above ground thats what sabaody is about#priming us for fishman island and the conflict here#since hody jones. you can see where his mindset comes from#and why he thinks that way. but at the end of the day he just wants mindless violence against the oppressive class#and that's just going to be unproductive and make things WORSE for EVERYONE#inb4 anyone says anything i am native american and have kinda sat with these feelings a lot#not about to go into my whole complicated feelings abt my own heritage here#that's what random posts on my main blog are for#but i also dont think otohime's idea of trying for peace without any violence was going to work either. not in the climate they were in#like its a very noble idea but at the end of the day... there does need to be some pushback but you have to target it in the right areas#like i think fisher tiger targeting the slave auctions is more of the direct action called for#and obviously people get caught in the crossfire on both sides.#but that is directed violence vs directionless violence ie what hody jones wants#its a bastardization of the cause to create more bloodshed than necessary. you know.#idk where i'm going with this anymore okay i'm gonna go back to queuing more sanjis
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big man, brave man!
#nathan summers#xmen#cable#marvel#marvel fanart#not tagging w/ xmen 97 or anything specific. uhhh#anyway reupload cause i changed some stuff#art tag#if u see me take this down again it means its gonna be on my art blog most likely im growing fond of it#i just dont want to associate my other cable art to my prof art accts LOL
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hmm yknow ive never had to worry about this before cause all the fandoms ive been in ive never really been in the same space as the creators so i never had to worry about the ccs/creators seeing my liveblogs even if i only rarely did it before but since the lsers are here maybe i should just stop liveblogging?? cause like in case it wasnt obvious im a massive hater first and foremost and if theres one thing you dont show the creators its hate so like. idk maybe its time to stop for good
#mine.txt#ive also never had so many ppl look at my blog before#usually ppl dont even know i exist#like yeah its my house but if theres somebody looking through my windows im gonna close the curtains yanno?#idk. i dont really proces emotion and empathy the same way most ppl do and im heavily geared towards isolation#so these kinda things are a bit tricky for me to navigate cause i gotta consider not only my own wants#but also the wants of those who can see what i do and also my own emotions as disocciated as they are#and like on one hand why would one liveblogger quitting matter#esp since for the most part most liveblogs mean nothing and the only ones that do are the negative kinds#dont deny it its true ive seen it firsthand; nobody gives that much of a shit about neutral and positive thoughts from a stranger#but negative ones can basically turn someone suicidal even if its a ratio of 1 negative to 1000 positive#but on the other hand there Are ppl who are looking for that kinda thing on my blog#yeah yeah my own house i should do what i want whatever#but the truth of the matter is if there werent some social function attached to this i wouldnt be doing this at all#i mean sure i can decide to only liveblog when im feeling positively#but if im gonna do that i may as well just not liveblog at all#like i already deal with emotional expectations irl im not gonna deal with that on my own blog as well#i am not a positive person#i get frustrated very easily#which ppl like to say is different from anger but lbr it really isnt is it?#esp when youre on the receiving end#couple that with the actual genuine anger i feel when the lsers do an ableism#which is quite often btw#well i just dont think its worth it to put my thoughts out there
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What are all your side blog names and what is each one for?
3 are private vent blogs but i really only use one right now
1 is a taylor/beatles/poetry diary like blog
1 is a horny blog
1 is an inactive fanfic blog
and 1 is not really used right now I dunno what I'm gonna do with it yet but it's something!
#i am all for people following my public blogs but I've been harassed in the past I'm wary of just posting them#you can ask off anon or just really nicely but I'm wary cause i don't want mean anons there i like my urls thanks#if i have to change urls again to escape being harassed I'm gonna be mad
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working on a new header
#i think theyre so cute#will delete in the morning and make an actual post for them. maybe#my art#when i say “working on” i mean its basically done i just want to make sure it isnt fuck-ugly when i look at it again#also i said i would draw her goth and there she is. enjoy#i forgot headers arent as wide anymore cause tumblr removed the epic blog sideboard. sighs and goes to rearrange them#im gonna give pipderverse a different hat at some point maybe... soon. when i get off my ass to do some character designing#unfortunately right now its 2:30 am#NOTE TO SELF. wide brim hat with ribbon
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//. You know what I want to do ? Personal playlist for ships. meaning like this for a personal playlist for one of our ships ( two of our ships ) ( however many of our ship ) And I will make our muses a personal playlist and post it <3 so LIKE THIS if you want a playlist for our babies.
#🖤◂mun┊𝓵𝓮𝓽'𝓼 𝓹𝓵𝓪𝔂 𝓪 𝓰𝓪𝓶𝓮 ?┊memes#basically duh like a meme game ( gonna do this for the other blogs ) my meme game i mean LMAO#but do like this if you want something imma get them done today cause it's gonna be EASY while im writing ayye
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what if capitalism is making the one job i thought was possible for me feel unattainable not because i haven’t literally been doing it since age 13 but because it’s not well paid enough so until you get into a higher position you have to work multiple jobs and i knew that i always knew that but. fuck. why is adulting going to be so exhausting. what if this really is the best time of my life? being a depressed college student? what if it’s downhill from here?
#I love my quiet getting high nights cause they let me unlock my thoughts#i HATE my quiet getting high nights cause they let me unlock my thoughts#like bestie I was just watching critical role why did I pause it to write this down#anyway in other news I have a ten hour tech day and I’m ✨scared✨#technically it’s nine and a half though because they moved the call by a whole half hour#and honestly I’m going to get breakfast for meal swipes so I might end up being late cause breakfast doesn’t open until 10#but like fuck if I’m gonna try to make food here#I want to pack my bag tonight but also I just laid down after doing dishes and I’m exhausted#I’ve had such a long day too I had two normal classes (one of which I basically led the class. I interviewed two professionals in front of#the whole class. FUCK I probably need to send them a thank you email. that’s gonna be a tmrw issue or I might draft hifh but like not sendin#but anyway after that I had one hour for lunch and then three hour lab which was fun!! because we went ride pooling but like we walked a#shit ton and in the sun#oh and my roommates must’ve forgotten I come with today cause they left me behind (which is totally fine cause I didn’t get up but it did#mean I had to catch the on campus transport and that takes forever and so I was late to meet my friend for breakfast and dining hall was#closed so I had to get food elsewhere which literally cost the same as the dining hall in the morning which is dumb but it took waaay longer#anyway hifh boom takes tumblr diary entries too seriously idk why I channeled my whole life into this post lmao#i think it’s cause I’m self-isolating HARD (despite being fairly social at the moment? it’s a surprisingly cool balancing act im pulling off#quite well as a busy bee) so I felt the need to pretend to have human connection without actually breaking my self-imposed isolation lmao#boom blogs high
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every single fictional character i like should split and have mood swings like me. "ohhhhh but it's not canotical" "ohh they have good control over their emotions and stable views on the world" i don't fucking care. i see cq in his fake desert i see klavier's control dialogue i see dahlia and her serial murders and komaeda and the gun literally fuck with me right now. we need to stop being cowards about our fictional character headcanons i think everyone should kill people always because i can't
#neg#omg am i having an episode right now is this episode coded is that what we're doing oh my God should we tell all your friends#should we call the president oh my God mare is having an episode right now guys don't freak but it's finally happening aaaahhh#we've been waiting forever but our queen's finally back she's having an episode oh my God we stan like crazy oh my God i'm calling everyone#can we have a cake at the episode tell me we're having cake at the episode i'm buying a cake it's official girls oh my God AAAH#she's so crazy LOVEEE her. oh my God!!!#anyway i think my blond bitch rockstar fave should get to kill the titular character!#sorry i hate the fucking name censoring in tags i'm trying to ween off of it cause it's like not accessible tee bee aych#but like i need to speak my truth so we're doing epithets#he should literally get to kill him and rip his carpet up WHY DOES NOBODY TALK ABT IT#they all make him cry or whatever this isn't the right blog for this but i've got images okay#enough crying enough consolation hugging where's my apology only for it to not be accepted and things to be fucking over#where's MY catharsis you know. this barbie needs catharsis!#i'm super light headed i should super stop posting but like who am i going to text in these conditions#the answer is nobody nobody wants to text my phone like they can blow it up it's fine w/e#i'd make instagram stories but it'll be like a whole thing and they'll report me again for mental illness#i'm going to stop apologizing for having breakdowns publicly actually. if you were like this you would too.#actually maybe you wouldn't because you'd be soooo well adjusted well i'm a weak bitch like actually#and my bones are fucking breaking right now so i'm gonna tell everyone about it <3#i licherally don't want to damage public property now and by that i mean my room LMAOOOO#this is nawt public property but the paints so nice
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I also got a bloody nose while waiting in line at macys and i was sniffling tryna get thru the transaction and sat on the bench holding tissue to my nose, blood on my face cause i had to hold my nose with my palm at one point and got it on my face while my mom went to find tissue or something and it made me so tired and dizzy i almost threw up and almost fell over in another store and ended my day with 15min left in the mall where in which i had to sit down and accept defeat
#sorry if it sounds kinda whiney#but like this is my blog my diary so i get to be#but also like i treasure a good mall day with my mom its just like my fave thing#and it went exactly how i didnt want it to go#and my dehydrated little brain fried itself when i had to deviate from my plan and routine#like we always go to f21 and go to the top floor to look at clearence and everyone mumbled aroune the ground floor#and in my head i was like no!! we arent following the rules!! stop!! this isnt how you properly go to the mall!#im not gonna get an A in going to the mall which is normal to want and achive#and then we went into hot topic which is thr size of a large book closet and my cousi. walked near me and was like ur still here?#girl what do you mean im still here we've only been in here 20min im in the other corner 15 steps away from you#also the cashier lady at macys somehow knew my last name? even tho i didnt give an email or a phone number to my reccolection?#she handed me my stuff as i was on the phone with my mom being like hey pls find tissues asap and she saif have a nice day miss last name#and it threw me off but i was preoccupied trying not to have an bloody nose in the macys since the one on friday was horrendous#and it was all dripping down the back of my throat i ended up spitting it out in the thrashcan by the exit#but like how did she know? cause i have the like point account but i didnt give it to her does my card info popup on screen?#is my card like linked somehow and i popped up that way idk it was weird#but i got a v e r y nice shirt for 10 bucks#i did give her my zipcode so maybe that?
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Anyways the hiatus is over and I am back
#i mean it's a process. i am so behind on two essays so until those are done it's gonna be slow asf#but i stopped taking my adhd meds so obviously i couldn't wait.#(i mean when has anyone in the history of adhd ever NOT jumped the gun?)#anyways i was gone due to depression... which turned out to be caused by my adhd meds#hence i am doing fine now and able end the hiatus for real this time#alas it also means unmedicated adhd lol#now i'm gonna watch scream (1996) for the first time (kind of) whilst going through some old posts and updating tags#and as we all know this can only end with me obsessing over billy loomis because 90s skeet ulrich is hot#which means i'm probably gonna 1. obsess over the franchise and/or 2. want horror plots#...i lost focus so now idk how to end this lol shit happens#TLDR: i'm back bitches so watch me start interacting with the dash again and slowly start to revamp the blog#ooc.#tmi/#– out of character ˚.·
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Reject Yakuza… play persona 5
gotta bust my friend's door down to steal her playstation real quick brb
#snap chats#her ass is definitely still sleeping. fuckin slug#i have to do THAT because i didnt bring my ps4 to college with me cause i was too busy having a crisis#but her ass has a ps4 and so i linked up my account there and now i just have to download P5R#she wants P5 and i tell her she can download my game but she never does it.... bro just let it download overnight.....#its not hard im going to beat you with my glasses case#'snap why are you so mean to your friend doesnt she follow this blog' yes but she never goes on tumblr. heh fuckin dweeb#anyway i wanna play p4 LMAOOOO#THAT SHIT'S ON SALE ON STEAM RN ONLY $15#i miss P4G so much ever since my vita brokei havent been the same#and ive been too spoiled by what golden's given me playing the vanilla version gonna feel illegal
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I love (sarcasm) how my lungs feel like they're full of cotton after I go up stairs, or walk too much, or just exist. I love (still sarcasm) that the only functional inhaler available to me isn't compatible with my airchamber.
#like my symbicort doesnt really fit with my air chamber so i have to take it directly which means i get less in my lungs.#and like i keep my inhalers in my bag which is upstairs so i HAVE to go upstairs if i want to take it and ugh ._.#sometimes i feel perfectly fine and then suddenly for reasons unknown to me i just cant breathe.#its been happening more often but its not like a regular occurrence or anything yet#like its not from any activity or allergy that im aware of. it just happens.#i know that exercise triggers asthma attacks for me. so does laughing too hard and allergies.#but like idk whats causing the sudden changes. its so frustrating.#ive had breathing problems my whole life so like its whatever but im gonna complain today. i deserve to complain.#batty blogging#text
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Magentah
#idc if you have a DNI but I will tell you this is what subconciously comes to mind when i see it#you are very opinionated which is fine but you are not likely open to new ideas or concepts about certain subjects#which doesnt bode well for me wanting to initiate a conversation#you probably judge too quickly without looking at the full picture#you wish for people to share your morale compass or adhere to it for the sake of your comfort#if a person makes a mistake or breaches one of your DNIs you automatically go on the offense#people can do whatever they want on their blog DNI or not#but neither i nor others should have to walk on eggshells because of that#its very rude to come into a dm and be like “hey i like you and want to follow you but because you like this theme in fanfic its part of my#DNI so sorry I'm not gonna follow you“#im paraphrasing here but that just happened#why waste your energy telling me that when you can just block?#if its an attempt to get me to change for your sake i don't play those games#look were all human and we're not all gonna be everyones cup of tea#that doesnt mean we try to shame a person into acting different#anyway i like people dni or not but i am weary nonetheless cause of nonsense like this#and im too sick rn for this crap fellas#magenta is my vent word#vent and forget#don't want to get into it any further
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Its perhaps a tad annoying when the stuff you put a ton of effort in barely gets any interaction while the stuff you barely spend any time on does. I mean I understand why but still
#just talking recreationally#It is what it is#This isn't me like complaining or whatever#Or perhaps it is. I know the reality is that I suck at art of any kind and maybe if I was better at it I would get more interaction#But at the end of the day I don't even think I want a lot of interaction#I think I simply want at least the people the already follow me to like my posts at leasts#Cause I blog for myself and sometimes for them. Idk#(I havent really been posting any art on this acc but I have on my sideblog)#I mean I genuinely don't care that much. I am gonna keep posting stuff bcs I also use that blog as an archive for ideas and stuff#Relating to the characters I blog about on that blog.#Anyway I am not sure where I was going with this
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.
#i'm gonna jot my thoughts here#i use this blog as an archive more or less of things i like. i browse through older shit a lot. i'm thinking this as a memento or a marker#cause ive spent a lot of time and thought with this subject. so. i think its only fitting since im forcibly and suddenly removing it#that i put my thoughts here and now down#no ones gonna see this and care much anyway. this is for me. past and present and future.#ahem. anyway.#fuck dude. four years for this?#i liked this guy because of how genuine he seemed. he told us not to rely on a cc for anything and set good reasonable boundaries#hes open with mental health struggles im familiar with and can resonate with the rest#he realized his audience was lgbt and decided to not only embrace that but also donate to charities for it#bro supports fuckin furries#and now im wondering if all of that was just to make him look good. if he really believed what he was saying#bc apparently all he cares about is his image? like damn#i dont think he was dishonest with all of it- in particular the mental health and like political standings. but.#the fact im even calling it into question is bad#he (throughout several years) and others (now) have proven just how manipulative and power hungry he is#this guy needs fucking therapy AT LEAST. which he says hes getting and has been at for a while now. with seemingly no progress thus far#but i believe in the improvement of individuals. people can change. they just have to want it. it doesn't seem like he does.#i hope therapy ends up good for him and/or he comes to his fucking senses. i cant move forward with him and i hate to lose this#if he shows Good and i mean Good improvement i might come back. idk. i might still be in denial or whatever#ill keep listening to some of his stuff too until it disgusts me eventually. ive deleted a lot of his shit from my playlists already#if sorry ends up posting ill watch the rest of that as well. cant imagine theyll make anything more after this season though#ill listen to the album once its out too i think. i cant let go of his art just yet#he can't stream can't imagine youtube so anything else is kaput#so outside of that. idk. only time will tell.#sigh. this sucks.
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no cuz what's up with tumblr now showing me a random p*rn post like every 3 posts on my dash from random blogs nd tags i dont follow weren't they like all about dep*rnifying this site
#also my flatmate...im sorry but im going insane she honestly grosses me out at this point she cant clean for shit and when i ask her to#clean something properly cause she just goes over stuff randomly with a dirty cloth at best leaving it even worse she tells me im 'making#her paranoid by inspecting all the tiny specks' im gonna kill myself. i was away for a few months and i come back to a flat that was so#fucking gross everything sticky i really har to do shit like take all pieces of cutlery (that she claimed were clean) out of the drawer#cause they were all sticky and had food specs and wash them again#like im mean now sure idccc it's the tags of my blog that no one reads but shes literallydriving me crazyyy so tonight i said if she wants#to start looking for a flat for after the end of this tenancy i dont want to stall cause ill be doing something else she was like is it#because i didnt wipe the stove properly nd i was like i just think we dont work that well#house keeping level have different expectations and it stesses us both out. wanted to keep at that and she goes on in a full breakdown mode#starts yelling at me and stomps off saying i have 'an ego about being a clean person when im not' shdjdj like maam youre 27 years old youre#walking around with dirt under your nails and have never washed a hairbrush that youve had for years it's growing a whole microsystem. 28*#like im really trying to be normal about this but i just cant live with someone who lives like this and thows fits when asked to fix their#behaviour
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