#cat toilet training

[enniewritesathing]

Out of all the things to be obsessed about. What do you find fascinating about the toilet, Spaghetti?

[nikster1111]

i just realized joker doesn’t have a litter box for mona

[sanchoyo]

watching a lot of cooking videos lately (great for background noise while working) and just saw one where a cat hops on the KITCHEN COUNTER while the lady is cooking 🤢 that is disgusting do ppl rly let their animals up there!! that kitty has stepped in its litter box maam!!! or it could shed on that counter!!! and you're prepping food up there rn!! ew!!!

[mycatdog]

cat's toilet training is finally picking up! i also feel like she's adjusting to my energy levels, but i'm not sure if that's just in my head

[anarcho-uwuism]

dogs r rly the white ppl of domesticated animals huh

[supercantaloupe]

my roommate laying down house rules for the cat making it really seem like she expects him to be like a dog

[ask-crow-aus]

not a Therian but think this is still important to Reblog

tumblr therians who hate tiktok !!!!!

i dislike tiktok . it's weird and i think any platform with short form content is bound to piss people off

however, i personally would like to say a few things !!!!! no that u have to hear me out lol

ALSO PSA THIS IS MOSTLY ABOUT YOUNGER THERIANS (like under 16)

anyway plsss keep in mind :

therians on tiktok are 80% children (from like 8-14) (have you ever seen a child talk about something important to them? they scramble their words and make it very self centric!! they do not quite understand social media, information gathering, communities and safe spaces like us older people do) (my foster sister is 11 year old is a therian and she's still figuring out how to work with it) (also their whole lives have been spent living as human, unlike some of us older creatures who have had therianthropy under our belt for years)

i've also deleted tiktok! but instead, i literally watch those silly therian tiktok compilation videos on youtube. they're usually hand picked and recent! avoid the drama and watch fun little videos online !!!

also please remember some therians can be more connected to their humanity than you could be ! sure, they shouldn't claim every therian "is human", but if they're a child, children seem to apply "if this is my experience, then it's everyone's experience duhhh". if they're older with a bunch of experience in the community then go ahead n sick'em i condone that LOL

OKAY RANT OVER

sorry no one is gonna read this lol

i think we need to teach our tiny creatures before being like "RAWR U DONT EVEN KNOW HOW IT WORKS !!!!" they r little puppies guys

[cosmosarcana]

wondering how much of my personality Nettle's adapted as her own

[theemporium]

https://www.tumblr.com/theemporium/758736517076254720/she-likes-to-stress-me-out?source=share

You're not helping my yearning for a cat 😭

I still vote go for it👹

[woso-dreamzzz]

Mimic IV

McFoord x Toddler!Reader

Summary: You're a little menace with Katie

"So," Caitlin asks as she relaxes back on the bed," How is my sweet baby doing?"

Katie looks away from her phone screen to see you seated in the ensuite bathroom, shaking your water bottle over the toilet paper that you've completely unwound.

"Er...she's...She's alright."

"She's being good? Nice?"

Katie can distinctly remember you throwing your breakfast at her this morning and then screeching in her face when she tried to tell you off.

"Yeah," She lies," So good and so nice."

"And she's making sure that she's including everyone in her playing?"

Katie winces when she remembers that you'd started pushing Courtney away any time that she tried to join in on the game of tag that had been arranged for you after training.

"She's...working on it?"

You're absolutely not working on it but Katie isn't about to admit that.

"Can I talk to her?"

"Yeah, one sec." Katie mutes her phone, placing it down on her blankets as she moves to grab you. "Hey, you. Come over here."

You stare blankly at her from your spot in the middle of the bathroom. The toilet paper is all strewn around you, practically wet mulch after you've emptied the contents of your water bottle onto it.

"Come on, you little gremlin. Come here."

You bum shuffle back into your pile of paper mulch and Katie winces a little, knowing that she's now going to have to change you into a different pair of pyjamas before putting you down to sleep.

"Come on. Come here."

Katie's arms are stretched outwards to you, trying to draw you closer by wiggling her fingers.

"Come on."

You pull a face at her, features all twisted up in disgust as you look at her and you grab a handful of mulch to throw. It doesn't get very far and lands with a kind of undignified squelch on the floor between the both of you.

Katie rolls her eyes. "I...You know what? Never mind."

She sweeps you up into her arms again before you can throw something at her again.

"We're going to have a talk with Mummy, alright?"

Your face noticeably changes at the mention of Caitlin, a wide gummy smile appearing on your face as you kick your legs happily. You manage to get even happier when you see Caitlin on the screen, trying to reach out for her and press kisses onto Katie's phone.

"What is it with you, huh?" Katie teases you that evening as she tucks you into your bed," Complete menace for me but Caitlin's little angel? I don't know who you think you're fooling. She already knows what you're like."

It's a bit like when you turn into a complete little angel when the rest of the family are around too. At home, you continue with your menace behaviours like chasing the cats or pushing things off countertops or digging holes in the garden for someone to accidentally trip over. But as soon as someone who doesn't usually visits, comes around it's like you're trying to show them that you're really a little sweetheart who doesn't have a mean bone in your body.

It makes Katie look particularly silly to her parents when she's complained to them about you dropping your toys into the toilet to cause a blockage but then they come around and all you seem to want is affection from them - no hint of your snapping teeth or angry little limbs.

The change in the behaviour only seems to be with family though because you have no issue with being your usual menace self with the girls on the team.

Something that Katie is acutely aware of as she watches you try to tackle Denise, trying to force her to the ground with all of your toddler strength.

"You can just tell her to stop!" Katie calls over," Or put her back on the leash!"

"It's fine!" Denise says, standing firm even as you try to shoulder barge her to the ground," It's kind of like a kitten trying to fight."

"Not a kitten!" You deny," I...I big an' scary!"

"So big and scary," Denise laughs as she pats your head," Like a little baby wildcat."

You frown as you try to work out if that's Denise calling you a kitten again just in a different way but in the end, you can't be bothered to think about it anymore as you try to push her over even harder than before.

"You might end up with bruises," Katie warns her," Just put her on the leash. I promise, it won't hurt her feelings."

"I'm fine, really." Denise waves away her concerns. "This little one isn't causing any problems."

"Are you sure?" A distinctly not-Irish says from behind Katie," Because she's got a way of starting problems before you know it."

Katie didn't even get the chance to turn away before you'd announced the newcomer.

"Mummy! Mummy! Mummy, I miss you!"

You abandon whatever you were trying to do with Denise to go toddling straight over to Caitlin, who kneels down with her arms out to welcome you.

"Mummy! Mummy!"

"Well hi there, sweet girl," Caitlin coos as you throw yourself into her arms," You're being very cuddly right now."

"Miss you, Mummy!" You reply, curling deeper into her arms and resting your head on her shoulder.

"You're early," Katie says with a warm smile," I thought you said you would barely make it to the match."

"I managed to get an earlier flight," Caitlin replies as she drops a soft kiss to your hair," I missed my girls."

[enniewritesathing]

she's obsessed with a new thing now.

Toilets.

[pshbites]

BLONDES HAVE MORE FUN ━ yjw

pairing : jungwon x fem!reader. genre : est. relationship, fluff, so cute u wanna D WORD. warnings : none. synopsis : your bf wants you to dye his hair. wc : 0.5k a/n : i SWEAR!! i will work on miss moving on guys the jungwon brainrot was too strong 😵‍💫😵‍💫, pls like n reblog as always!!

taglist ?! @leeechin @00kittenz (my loves this ones for u 💗) @wensurr @livelaughluvryanreynolds @yeehawnana @ami-soph @t1iqaa @jjongsaengzz @rriribelle @cherrybeomm @mochamvgz @squiishymeow @mitmit01 @justalittle-hee @yourmomssneakylink @heelariously @bubblytaetae @wintertxt @17ericas @beatrizmel-472 @vveebee @luvyou2ooo @sunghoonsperfume @hmusunoo @mariahxrrera @silquids @thedemonriot @blockbusterhee @suneng @mamuljji (bold cannot be tagged)

perma taglist !

jungwon sat on your bathroom toilet, watching you as you mixed up the hair dye. he smiled softly at the sight of you reading the instructions on the box. he smiles also at the thought of how quick you jumped up to help him dye his hair when he first told you he wanted to. you were always so attentive to him, he was to you as well. 

“you got it figured out honey?” he mumbled, heart swelling at your tongue sticking out slightly because you were focused. “yeah, but we might have to leave it in longer since your hair is black��� you sighed softly, slipping gloves on and shaking the bottle. 

jungwon gasps at your professionalism, “are you going to be my personal stylist?” he looked up at you as laughed softly. “yes i am” you smiled at him, shaking the bottle still. you began to squeeze the bleach out into the sections. jungwon kept his eyes trained on you as you worked diligently on his hair. 

jungwon loved to admire you, how pretty you looked in lounge wear even with your hair in a loose ponytail. or how you bit your lip, trying to concentrate on the task at hand. you moved closer to jungwon in an attempt to get the back of his head. you leaned back a little once you got the section. 

you knew jungwons eyes were on you this whole time, you felt it. “you’re really distracting you know that” you glanced at him and he only smiled. “i’m just admiring my pretty girlfriend” he tilted his head as you continued to brush in the dye. you cheeks turned slightly pink, but you kept quiet trying not to give in. “would you stop it” you mumbled, trying to concentrate. 

“says the one who’s blushing” he smiles, making you smile even harder. “whatever” you mumbled back. you went on with applying the dye in his hair. now, you were standing in between his legs, jungwon still watching you intently. 

“isn’t your back going to hurt hunching over me like that?” jungwon sighed out, tilting his head, then you tilted it straight so you could apply the dye correctly. “no it’s okay won” you said, straightening your back slightly then going back to hunching over him. 

he could see the discomfort on your face and only sighed once more. “sit on my lap” he said, now you were looking at him with a face. “what?” you laughed out, ears not registering what he said. “sit, you’ll be more comfortable” he pulled on your shirt, trying to get you to sit. reluctantly, you gave in, straddling his lap. 

you sat comfortably on his lap now, continuing to dye his hair. “why did you want to go blonde anyways?” you glanced down at him, his eyes never leaving yours. “blondes have more fun” he smiled, making you laugh. “as if you aren’t like an orange cat” you remarked, setting the brush down on the counter and looking at him. his eyes twinkled as his hands rested on your waist, rubbing up and down.

”yeah but you love that about me” he smiled, tilting his head. you tilted your head along with him, teasing him, “yeah i do” you smiled even bigger now that he was looking at you like that, the look of adoration. “you have to leave it in for about 40 minutes if we really want the bleach to pick up properly” you ran your gloved hand through his hair. “what does my love want to do in the meantime?” jungwon smiled at you once more, his hand rubbing up and down your back. 

“we could start that show we wanted to watch a couple weeks ago, but we’d only get through one episode” you smiled softly and jungwon grinned, nodding. “c'mon i'll get some snacks for us” jungwon patted your back as a signal to get up and you only smiled, getting up. there was never a dull moment with jungwon. 

© all rights to pshbites 2024. please do not copy, translate or repost my works

[cherrybr4t]

seungcheol just needs a break from studying!

+18, MDNI!!

warnings: smut, profanities, p in v, fingering, oral (f receiving), dirty talk, cheol praises reader a lot in this, fem!reader, public sex, dni if uncomfy! college au kinda!

a/n: first!!!work!!!! hello tumblr carats, decided to come out of lurking, and get some writing done too 😈 hope ya’ll like it n pls feel free to comment/reblog and let me know what u think of it!!

“babydollll” the man clad in a wrinkled linen blue button up crouches down beside you, while you were typing away.

mid-season of the semester meant assignments piling up and you were determined to not leave your side of the library booth until you’ve numbed your fingers.

opting for selective hearing, you furrowed your eyebrows, typing faster to drag on your train of thoughts.

“ow!” you whisper-yelled when you felt a slight pinch on your thigh.

“what the hell was that for cheollie..” you self soothed and finally tuned your vision to your left, only to see your boyfriend biting his lips; holding in a chuckle.

“why did you ignore me the first time then,” he reached out and gave your nose a little tap, causing you to scrunch your nose; not getting used to it though cheol probably does it 20 times a day.

“i’m trying to maintain my tunnel vision babe, you know me” sticking your tongue out, returning to your keyboard, crackling some knuckles.

“all right wait, i need a break. and so do you, you’re coming with me to get some snacks — ah ah ah nope, not hearing it.” cheol grabs you by your shoulders, ushering you to get up, shooting down any excuses beforehand that he was expecting.

knowing how he is, you sighed before standing up, “i wasn’t gonna say anything..”

“right..” he smirked before finding your hand and interlocking them, leading you both towards..the hallway behind the level leading to the toilet..?

“wow babe new snack hot spot?” you snickered. without saying anything, he dragged you both into the old toilet, before locking the door behind you.

“hey. missed my babydoll.” he grabbed your face in his hands before peppering them in kisses, leaving the last to land on your lips, oh the cherry lips he loves so much. giggling, you wrapped your hands around his neck, interlocking them, “missed you too,” catching his lips again, kissing him back with more fervour.

“needed my hourly refill of my favourite snack, felt like i was dying; looking but not being able to taste” he mumbled against your lips, not wanting to break apart. “you’re so dramatic,” rolling your eyes playfully, you pulled his neck closer, urging him to continue making out. causing him to chuckle against your lips.

“mm babydoll.. fuck, love it when you roll your eyes at me, always needing me to turn my brat into my good girl..” stunned at the switch of demeanour, you gulped and licked your lips, stomach churning at his words.

“what’s wrong, cat got your tongue?” cheol ran his fingers across your lips, before sliding a finger into your mouth. licking around his fingers, you started sucking them lightly with eagerness in your eyes.

looking at you with hazy eyes and heavy eyelids, cheol slipped his finger out before reaching under your dress, immediately going for the nub under your thin underwear.

as if it was a button, activating something in you, you squirmed under his trap with your back against the wall, letting out a small whimper as he continued to draw lazy circles around your clit, slightly pushing your hips towards him.

“can never get enough of you, baby doll. even when i’m studying all i can think about is how pretty you looked in front of me, so focused.. so diligent my baby..” he leaned in, lips eager to ravage yours as he joined his index finger with his middle, slicking them with your juices, busy capturing your gasp and moans while he inserted his thick fingers into your soaking and warm cunt.

“just wanna make you feel good, you deserve it today don’t you babydoll? you deserve to cum all over my fingers, on my lips, especially while wrapped around my cock;”

“mm..mhmm fuckk” you dragged out a whine, nodding your head eagerly. “i do.. i do cheollie, that’s all i want”

“gonna fuck you so good all you can think about is me and my cock, that’s all your pretty head needs to be filled with right now princess,”

without wasting any time, he lifted up your dress before going down on his knees, pulling down your flimsy pink cloth. lips immediately finding your clit, he started by teasing with tiny licks, looking up at you while his tongue was playing with your nub. your reactions were all he needed, he could honestly come undone just looking at your face whenever he was pleasuring you.

taking it in his mouth harshly, he sucked on it and played with it with his tongue at the same time, while his fingers were still working hard massaging your warm and soft cunt, getting it ready to take him. your quickening heartbeat felt at the tip of his tongue transmitted straight into his cock, feeling it begging to be let out of restrain.

“fuuck cheollie, right there, i-i’m so close already” you leaned your head against the wall, exasperated moans leaving your lips. cheol knew just where to touch you, how to get you there quicker than anyone else could’ve.

determined to get your release on his lips asap, he increased his speed, both fingers and mouth working like crazy, letting out a groan when he saw the fucked up look painted all over your face.

“that’s it babydoll that’s it, can feel you clenching soo fucking tight. need you to come all over me right now,” the mumble of dirty words sent shivers down your back. “you can do that for me right? my pretty girl,” with his thumb moving to rub tight and fast circles around your clit, and his praises straight to your cunt, you felt the tight knot in ur lower abdomen breaking free as your release wash all over you in an instant.

“ahh fuck..i’m there i’m there babe..” you whined as the warm feeling flowed through your legs, shaking, with cheol holding you steady.

“so good for me babydoll, fuck…always so sweet, the best snack any day,” he cleaned up the juices with his tongue, before standing back up. looking at his red pouty lips covered in your essence, with the fucked out looked in his eyes, you needed him to be inside you asap.

pulling the zipper of his pants down, he reached down inside his boxers, pulling out his already hard and red length leaking with precum, “see what you do to me babydoll.. i almost came at the sight of you cumming on my mouth,” letting out a groan, he stroked his length while leaving kisses down your neck.

“you’re too addicting..think you can handle one more baby? need to feel you around me before i lose it,”

“yes cheol yes… please..need you in me now too.. i’m all yours to do whatever you wanna,” losing all inhibitions, completing forget where you were in the first place.

propping you up, he lined up his cock before sliding into you effortlessly. the gasps of relief and pleasure escaped both of you simultaneously.

“fuck baby.. my princess, made for me, made just for this cock. this is where you belong,” cheol tilts his head up lost in the feeling of being inside you, but not taking his eyes of you any second.

“feels so fucking perfect babydoll, you make me feel so complete,” the end of his sentence drags out in a small whine, with you dragging your nails along his biceps, moaning and clenching around him as you felt like the only girl in the world at his words, being handled so roughly yet gently at the same time.

“c-cheol…wanna come again.. can i come again?” you hiccuped mid sentence, needing so desperately for him to push you to the edge again. cheol groans, needing you to cream his cock asap, “come on baby, my good girl, rub yourself for me,” he takes your tits out of your bra, almost ripping your dress strap in the way.

rubbing your nipples with his rough fingertips, he presses and rubs circles, groping the flesh in the process. you rubbed your own clit faster at the sensation, feeling overwhelmed and so close to falling over the edge.

“cheol. baby, fuck i’m gonna cum i’m gonna cum i,” the end of your sentence broke into cries as you came for the second time, clenching so hard around cheol as he feels your juices and walls sucking him in even more.

“fuuuuuck that’s it, my good fucking girl.” he continues pinching and playing with your tits as you came down from your high. “gonna make me cum right now,” he hastens his thrusts, eager to spill his load all inside you. within seconds, he grips a handful of your hair, biting down your neck and releases a hot thick load of cum inside you. letting out the hottest string of moans and groans straight to your neck.

you both stayed there for a hot minute as you both slowed down your breaths. he cupped your cheeks in his palm as he gazed at you lovingly, “i love you,” you scrunched up ur nose, “i love you more cheol,”

he slowly pulled out before hurrying to get some tissues, as well as some drenched in tap water to clean you up immediately, kissing your thighs in the process.

“you did so well for me princess, you always do.” you giggled and pulled him up to you, hands encircling around his neck, giving him a peck. “and you always treat me so good cheol, always”

hands tight around your waist, he snuggled again on the side of your neck, “let’s get some actual snacks before heading back babe.”

a/n: thanku loves for reading, like, comment/reblog if you liked it, drop by my account if you’d like to see more/be friends! 🖤

[boom-bada-boom]

shawn spencer, through a series of comedic should-be-impossible hijinks, gets turned into a cat without anyone knowing its him. he elects to hang around the station and help out however much his four paws can.

hilariously, it doesn’t change that much.

some notes:

hes brownish-orange (kinda like henry’s hair in flashbacks??) which means he is close enough that he has the orange cat curse™

trying to decide on what breed he is. obviously mixed but what is in the mix?? main thoughts are havana, bengal, and siamese

okay final thoughts: bengal-siamese mix with a havana-like coloring for both eyes and coat.

hes a chatty cattyyyyyyyyyy,,,,,,,, yapper frfr

dog-person lassie and cat-person jules (she canonically has two cats)

he is so indecisive on if he should try and communicate that he is shawn to the station. on one hand theyd know hes safe and maybe be able to help him fix this. on the other jules has literally played fetch with him. a few officers have hand fed him. several cat things occurred. he would never live this all down (human shawn after hes asked where he was for like two months: (heavy sweating) i dont remember)

shawn sleeping in lassie’s chair and on his lap. he started doing it for the laughs but now he has realized that oh no this is actually comfy. tragedy.

half the station supports shawn’s cat shenanigans. a third just take videos. the remaining sixth try to call animal control on shawn but he always gets away and hes back in the station like two hours later so eventually they give up lmao

while all this is happening the station is also stressing because of shawn’s disappearance. they cant find any evidence for what happened. shawn went out to pursue a lead and just vanished. consequently, shawn is trying to make them all feel better with cat shenanigans

he refuses to use a litter box. it does not matter that he is so so small now he is using the fucking toilet. (the officers start leaving the bathroom door open a crack so he can slip in lmao)

shawn reading over case files while sitting on them. hes participating (and solving them)

shawn as a human accidentally left a pineapple stress toy in the station (maybe on some forgotten corner of lassie’s desk or smth lmao) and as a cat he rediscovers it and decides to play ball using it. all this to say that people start calling him pineapple because of it. honestly hes quite happy with that name over some other possibilities

jules is the only one allowed to touch the pineapple toy. he doesnt trust lassie not to try and dump it or something like the spiteful person he is and he certainly doesnt want anyone else touching it. (he would allow lassie to touch the pineapple toy if it werent for that fact though)

(shawn very carefully putting the pineapple toy down in front of lassie for the first timeand staring up with his big ole eyes and lassie stares back and externally his expression is hella flat but internally hes like oh no. oh no its growing on me)

BIG NEWS: cats can in fact eat pineapple, just not a lot since as a fruit it has a lot of sugar (not good for cats), HOWEVER… “It’s hard to see why because cats don’t have the taste buds that let them enjoy sweet flavors. The strong sweet and tangy taste of pineapple is mostly lost on them.”

shawn finally managing to get someone (probably buzz) to give him some pineapple only to be utterly HEARTBROKEN bc it DOESNT TASTE LIKE PINEAPPLE ANYMORE !!!!!!!!!

juliet holding him like a little baby as he is purring like a freight train

LASSITER HOLDING HIM LIKE LONGCAT AS HE IS WAILING LIKE THE DAMNED

literallyyyyyy thisss,,,,

he breaks into the chief’s office to lounge on her desk and she gives him hardcore side eye before, after a while, just sighing and starting to pet him. “this station doesn’t exactly need a mascot, you know,” she tells him, to a reply of mrrp, “but i suppose a little bit of cheering up wouldn’t be too bad.” very carefully, she taps him on the nose. “but not too much. this is a serious line of work—no making a mockery of my station.” the dull thunking of a tail smacking repeatedly into solid wood made no promises.

inconceivable amounts of cat fur everywhere and on everyone. no one can brush him because he wriggles away like an eel and dramatically grooms his fur out of their reach. so he just sheds everywhere. hes got a thick coat there is so. much. fur.

he keeps sneaking into crime scenes. no one is sure how but they suspect he is hitchhiking in lassiter’s car. no one can prove it tho bc they cant fucking find him. the crazy thing is that he leads them to evidence sometimes like a narcotics detection dog but with completely random items that usually seem nonsensical at first. until they prove otherwise. consistently.

lassie to himself: man this feels just like dealing with spencer’s psychic shit. weird.

GUS FIGURES IT OUT FIRST. not because he saw anything but he just saw a newspaper about this cat solving crime with the cops and he was like “oh my fucking god. it can’t be.” and then he pulled up to the station yoinked said cat and went to an isolated corner to freak the fuck out with it. “shawn what the hell happened” he goes, and shawn meows with feeling

juliet watching gus talk to pineapple the station cat in the corner of the bullpen: ???????

several cops having the all-important conversation of what to label him as. theres no snappy cat version of K9 they can use. K9 is supposed to sound like “canine” but there’s no letter to cover the fel in“feline”

some say F9 and some say L9 and a few say FL9 or just straight up FEL9

BY THE WAY!!!!! “Police cats are becoming an increasingly popular addition to law enforcement teams around the world. These feline officers are being trained to assist their human counterparts in various aspects of police work, from sniffing out drugs and explosives to providing comfort and emotional support to officers on duty” SND ALSO “Because they are uncommon, police cats receive a lot of press. Many show up regularly in media posts. If your local department has a police cat, don’t be surprised if you see stories about them on the news”

police cats are a real thing!! shawn is not an official police cat but he is at this point an unofficial one. on rare occasions he might even listen to an order or two (the station thinks he may have been specially trained by some probably-illegal group or smth, escaped, and decided to imprint on the station) (btw this is an actual issue with some police cats. as independent creatures theyre not as predictable as dogs and might not follow orders, which is an issue in high stakes situations n shit)

[foldingfittedsheets]

The cats are nominally trained to hunt bugs. Leeloo was around when I still had Vicechancellor the chameleon and enjoyed a kittenhood surrounded by stray crickets. A quick, “Bug!” brought her running to eviscerate the unlucky insect. She has served many years as a hunting partner when a spider stalks our halls.

Korben has always seemed to be both more intelligent and have a stronger prey drive and yet he’s never consistently been a reliable ally when I call. He roughly knows that “bug” might mean attention and frantic gesturing. He also had resisted learning to follow a point despite many training sessions. Spiders crawl away unharmed as he watches in fascination.

As Leeloo has gotten older she no longer sprints toward the rallying cry and I do not begrudge her. I am resigned to Korben being abysmal pest control.

Tonight on the toilet an absolutely massive crane fly swooped up into the shower. Korben was on hand curled up on the bath mat so I empathetically cried bug only to have him stare at my pointing finger and meow plaintively. I begged my beloved to bring it to his attention but they view toilet time as private time and didn’t want to be in the room.

So I did what any reasonable person would do. I started tossing trash at it. I just wanted to get it to fly again and trigger some kind of response from Korben.

A ball of packaging, empty toilet paper roll, and eyebrow pencil container later I finally grazed it. Instead of taking off the bug just. Fell. Limp.

It landed without a single twitch and Korben and I stared at it in perplexity. He gave it one halfhearted boop and when it failed to move he curled back up on the bath mat, content once more.

[sp0o0kylights]

Steve and Gareth as Cousins, no longer a warm-up and now called Lifelines, part three! I’ll throw it up on A03 when I finish the fourth part. 

Prior parts can be read here: Part One / Part Two 

First things first, the most amazing @ sereinpetrichor managed to track down the OG Twitter thread this runaway train is based off of! 

It was this thread by @gatorthots, the Tumblr version of which can be read, here.  All blame for this idea firmly rests on their brilliant, plot bunny inducing shoulders. 

The other, follow up thread I mentioned was this one by Silas, whose tumblr name I do not know. 

As always and forever, shout out to the most amazing @chalkysgarbagefire​ who helps me edit/plot/pats my head while I’m crying in their inbox bc the words aren’t wording right. 

Warnings: Steve and Robin are canon (S3) drugged. I took a slightly (kinda sorta) more realistic approach. Vomit mention, canon threat of violence/guns (the Russian guards) Mention of pantsing/past bullying, Steve and Robin’s drugged asses not understanding personal space, Dustin’s canon...Im gonna go with assholishness? but like, I think its more than he’s a young kid and doesn't quite have the emotional growth/awareness yet in this kind of insane situation to know how to react to the whole address/torture bit (really who does)/its a defense mechanism--and Gareth sort of has a panic attack. 

Whatever the hell they had been drugged with, Steve and Robin went from 'giggly happy fun time' to 'vomiting into toilet bowls while loudly wishing for death’ awfully fast. 

Gareth was not an expert on drugs. He knew Eddie wasn't either (the guy never dealt anything stronger than your average psychedelic--had some agreement with his Uncle about only selling "the 70s basics") and repeated looks towards him proved Eddie was still trying to figure out what Steve and Robin were on. 

Answers hadn't exactly been forthcoming--Eddie's gently made attempts at ferreting out information had only caused more confusion.

Like why the two of them were so freaked out about a gate, or what had made Robin gasp, and then laugh so hard she cried when Steve had made a particularly rough noise then muttered; "Even that sounds better than Tammy Thompson." 

Either way, Gareth was mostly trying to figure out what the hell they were going to do, because sobering up in a busy, public mall wasn't exactly the best idea. 

"I regret," Robin tried to say, in-between gagging. "I regret--hrk--" 

"Me too." Steve moaned, head resting against the stall wall. Gareth, still caught up in panic, had been permanently regulated to door guard while Eddie alternated between sweet talking, rubbing backs and offering quietly whispered advice. 

"Let's go back in time and ignore the whole silver cat thing." Robin continued, slumping back down onto the floor. 

"Wouldn't have mattered." Steve muttered. "Dustin would have figured it out without us. Kid’s too damn smart." 

"So?" Robin grumbled, quietly thanking Eddie as he once again brushed her hair out of her face. 

"So he would have gone down there anyway, which means I'd be down there anyway." Steve concluded. "We shouldn't have gotten you involved though." 

He shakily pushed himself up, staggering to his feet and looking like bambi on ice while doing it. 

Eddie quickly came round to offer his help, hands spread as Steve groaned out a curse and clutched his head.  

The older took a step forward right as Steve lurched back, unbalanced and shaky. 

 "Oh shit." He said, eyes wide as he crashed backwards into Eddie, the latter catching him with a grunt. 

Despite the entire situation, Gareth found himself stifling a laugh as Eddie wrapped his noodle arms around Steve's chest, trying to hold the other up without falling himself. 

"Come on big boy, why don't we just siiiit back down." Eddie said, slightly breathless as he helped guide Steve back to the floor. "There we go…"

They did so outside the bathroom stall, Eddie sinking into a kneel as Steve sort of flopped down on top of him. 

Blinked a few times, like the drop had rattled what little sense he’d managed to recover in the last few minutes. 

A pleased noise came out of his cousin's throat, and holy shit was Gareth going to have blackmail for life, because rather than vacate Eddie's lap, Steve just turned around in it. 

Reached up with one finger outstretched and proved himself to be very much still under the influence as he touched Eddie's nose.

"Boop!" He said, and then giggled as Eddie dropped onto his ass in surprise. 

Gareth watched Robin as she took the whole thing in, from Steve's snickers to Eddie's shocked expression, eyes growing wide in excitement. 

He failed entirely to cover his own amusement when Eddie abruptly found himself with two sailors invading his personal space, each taking turns to boop his nose. 

“Uh.” He managed to get out, blinking rapidly and at a loss for words. “Ah.” 

Steve caught the metalhead’s awkward, red-faced expression and proceeded to drop his head to Eddie's shoulder, muffling his laughter against the man's vest. 

The helpless look his best friend sent him was one Gareth would remember for a long time. 

“O-kay.” Eddie said, frazzled, as Steve recovered far too quickly, turning to rest his cheek against a slim shoulder as he walked two fingers up Eddie’s battle vest and towards his hair. Likewise, Robin had discovered Eddie’s wallet chain, and had begun fiddling with it. 

One finger curled around a strand of brown hair and Eddie jerked his head, removing the tempting piece away from Steve’s hands. 

“I know you’re used to getting whatever you want, your highness.” He said, his own hand smacking against his waist before Robin figured out the other end of his chain ended in a handcuff, “But you of all people should know the hair is off limits.” 

Completely undeterred, Steve just gave him a loose, easy grin. “It’s so pretty though.” He complained, fluttering his eyelashes in a blatant attempt to try and turn on the ol’ Harrington charm.  “You can touch mine if you want.” 

Yeah, Gareth’s blackmail was getting better by the second. 

He might even get a new piece for his drum kit out of it, if this kept up. 

Free weed too, considering Eddie’s blush was now fire-engine red. 

“Man,” Eddie said in a clear bid to deflect the entire situation (and Steve’s fingers) away from his hair, “the last time someone called me pretty was right before I got pantsed—-is Tommy H hiding in one of the stalls again?” 

Steve picked his head up, confusion crashing down his face. 

“Did he do that?” He asked. 

Then, with growing horror; “Do you think I’d do that?” 

Eddie raised an eyebrow. “Isn’t that your whole little court’s M.O.?” 

Steve sucked in a breath, looking downright hurt. "I wouldn’t do that." He insisted, eyes wheeling from Eddie to Gareth and back, as though hoping Gareth would back him up. 

“I’m not--I’m not friends with Tommy anymore.” Steve continued, voice growing smaller as he spoke. “I’m not friends with anybody anymore, except maybe Dustin.” 

It sounded so defeated; trodden on and subdued that Gareth stepped forward automatically, to do--something. 

Provide the fucking comfort his cousin was oft denied and hug the guy. 

As always, it turned out to be the wrong move. 

"Oh thank god." A kid said, seconds after bulldozing through the main door and nearly bowling Gareth over in the process. "I found them!" He shouted over his shoulder as swept into the room. 

“Speak of the devil.” Steve said flatly, and even drugged, he managed to pull himself back together from distressed to stoic in mere seconds. 

The curly-haired kid--Dustin apparently--stormed right up to the pile of humans splayed on the floor, hands on his hips. "What the hell. We told you two to stay put!" 

Steve rolled his eyes as Robin booed him. 

“Have you forgotten what’s happening? Or how we’re kinda in a Red Dawn situation?” Dustin continued, looking like he’d just escaped from a summer camp. 

The kid even had a walkie talkie clutched in one hand, of all things. 

“We know.” Steve and Robin deadpanned at once, before looking at each other; Steve pointing a finger towards Robin and Robin pointing one back. 

This caused the kids to trade their own long suffering, “can you believe this shit” faces. 

"We need to go, and the only way we’re gonna get out of here unnoticed is if we blend in with the crowd." Dustin said impatiently.  “Now come on Steve, get up already, you've had worse.”

"I really don't think I have." Steve muttered, but moved to push himself to his feet anyway. 

Eddie beat him to it, and he and Gareth both hovered nearby in case Steve was still unsteady. 

Thankfully, the kids' presence seemed to sober up Robin and Steve both. 

Not actually sober, that wasn't how drugs worked, but whatever was left of the fun was sucked right out of the bathroom, replaced by two teenagers who were sort of functional on whatever they'd been drugged with. 

Stress and adrenaline, Gareth knew, could overcome a lot of things. Including Russian "truth serum" apparently. 

“Yeah well you're lucky you got found by these guys and not anyone else. " Dustin continued pointedly, before turning his attention towards Gareth and Eddie both. "Thanks for watching our friends, but we've got them from here." 

Gareth made a sort of unhinged, disbelieving noise. 

 “No, no you do not.” He declared, anxiety clawing at his gut at the mere thought of abandoning Steve to two children. 

"I don't think you heard him." The girl stepped forward, braids swinging about her face as she lifted her chin and nailed him with a cold glare. 

 As if this entire situation couldn’t possibly get weirder, Gareth suddenly realized she had a helmet in her hands and knee pads on.

 "He said we got this. So scram." She flicked her fingers out in a dismissive sort of "shoo" gesture.

"And leave my drugged cousin with his new girlfriend behind!?" Gareth challenged right back, emotions far too raw and frayed to care he was snarling at a little girl. "I don’t think so!”

"Cousin!?" Dustin bit out, sounding almost betrayed for some reason, at the same time Robin who'd been climbing to her feet with Eddie’s help, shouted; "I am not his girlfriend!" 

Steve, clearly unwilling to entertain whatever fight was brewing, clapped his hands together. 

"Yes cousin, Dustin. It's a type of family member." Steve said, after they all flinched and looked to him. He at least looked steadier on his feet this time, though Gareth still lingered nearby in case he took a wrong step. 

"I know what a cousin is, Steve!" Dustin shot back. 

“Then why are you acting like a lunatic?” Steve complained, and Gareth got to watch in real time as Steve pulled on the persona he often wore in high school down around him. “You said it yourself, we don’t have a lot of time. Worse, I don't know if anyone saw Gareth and Munson here with us.” 

He jerked a thumb sideways in Eddie’s direction, not that anyone couldn’t figure out who “Munson” was. 

“They stay with us until we’re out of this mall.” Steve finished, before he started towards the door.

One step he was Gareth’s cousin, drugged and vulnerable because of it. 

The next he stood taller, talked smoother, took charge with an aurora that said he expected everyone to listen to him. 

It was fake as hell, but it worked. 

“I know you’ve got a plan Dustin, so spill it.” He commanded as he walked.  

 Dustin, despite all the squawking, did just that. 

xXx 

Of all the things Gareth had expected to see upon escorting their little ragtag crew out of the bathroom, groups of intimidating, mean looking assholes wasn’t on the list. 

He found himself repeatedly nudging Eddie in the ribs, unable to take his eyes off what was clearly a checkpoint as he staggered to a halt. 

It was one thing to be told people were after Steve and the “Scoop’s Troop” As Robin had jokingly named them. 

It was another entirely to see the security guard directly in front of him look over a woman’s ID before apologizing to her, a sleazy grin matching his oily pony-tail as he waved her on. 

They really were looking for someone. 

Not someone, Gareth realized in dawning horror.

Them. 

Robin apparently, came to the same conclusion seconds later, because she snatched Steve and Dustin’s arms both, hauling them backwards. 

“Argue about Dustin’s address later, we need to find a different way out.” She hissed quietly as she tried to slowly reversed direction, movements still a bit sloppy. 

She might have even gotten away with it, had Sleazy Pony-Tail not turned and made eye contact with Gareth right after she spoke. 

His eyes swept over him, then to the rest of the group, freezing like a cat that had spotted its prey.

“Abort, abort!” Dustin sputtered, wheeling about on his heel. 

Erica, whose name Gareth had learned when she kicked him in the shin after he asked why an actual infant was running around with Steve and Robin, pointed towards the escalators before she beelined over to it, ducking into the center and riding it down like a slide. 

Something Eddied was downright delighted to copy. 

Gareth might have enjoyed it himself, had he not been looking over his shoulder to see not one, not two, but four security guards giving chase--and gaining. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuckikity fuck.” He heard Robin chant as she shot past, Steve planting himself at the top as he made sure everyone got down to the next level before sliding down himself. 

"Do not let them leave!" One of the guards yelled to the others, accent clear as a bell. 

"Holy shit that guy's actually Russian." Gareth found himself saying as he skidded across the floor and bolted after the others, Steve hot on his heels. 

He had kinda expected the Russian thing to be some sort of drug influenced inside joke and not an actual, honest-to-God Soviet. 

Which led to the question of why the fuck adult men in security uniforms had drugged random teenage retail workers.

Food workers.

Whatever the fuck one called a two people who scooped ice-cream in sailor costumes. 

"There's another group up ahead!" Eddie yelped, swerving sideways and nearly taking Erica out while doing it. 

Noise erupted ahead of them in the form of foreign shouting and loud, harshly barked commands to “Freeze!”  

‘Oh hell no.’ Gareth thought wildly, as he caught the form of the giant fricken gun the guard closest to him held. 

“Split up!” Dustin howled, and before anyone could comment about how bad an idea that was, Gareth found himself being yanked sideways. 

Steve swore loudly behind him as Robin, who’d crashed backwards, pulled him in the opposite direction and in a second their group broke in two. Gareth, Eddie and Dustin going one way, Steve, Robin and Erica another. 

"This isn’t happening." Gareth muttered, words made in a sort of pleading denial as he and Eddie turned the corner and immediately vaulted over the counter of an Orange Julius. “I smoked or drank or did something and this is a hallucination that is not. Actually. Happening.” 

Dustin at least, was smart enough to dive around the counter instead of over it, sliding towards them on his knees. 

Eddie quickly yanked him down to the floor in-between himself and Gareth once he was close enough to grab, one hand going over the hat to shove the kids head down. 

Annoying or not, he was at least several years younger than them, and Gareth could practically feel Eddie’s protective instinct kick in as he kept his hand on Dustin’s head. 

Together they tried to silence their breathing as the guards’ shouting continued on behind them. 

What was worse than their noises though, was when they unexpectedly and suddenly, went silent. 

Gareth’s breath felt far too loud as the stillness gained a suppressive weight, pressing down harshly against him and making it harder and harder to inhale. 

‘Panic attack.’ He realized, thoughts a touch detached. ‘You can’t afford to have a panic attack right now.’ 

Not when it had a high chance of getting them all killed. 

Slowly he moved his own free hand, placing it atop of Eddie’s, fingers gripping down in a way that was no doubt painful. 

Eddie glanced over to him and Gareth thanked every single time he’d smoked way too much weed, because his best friend immediately clocked what was wrong. 

Turned his hand over, so that Gareth could hold onto it atop Dustin’s hat. 

It didn’t help with the knowledge that his very much still drugged cousin and his equally drugged not-girlfriend were also hiding somewhere, or that there was significantly more Russians than there where terrified teenagers (and one--whatever age Erica was.)  

Flashlights cut shapes into the wall overheard, trailing along the Orange Julius menu. Quiet voices covered even quieter footsteps and Gareth had the sudden realization the probability of there being more than one guard carrying a huge gun, was very, very high. 

Worse?

This part of the mall wasn’t that big. There were only so many places to hide, and as such, only so many places to look. 

Death comes for everyone eventually, but Gareth hadn’t exactly expected it to show up before he hit twenty.

Not that they could do anything but wait. Pray to God and the universe and any other higher power he could think of to intervene, head pressed hard against the wood behind him as the small noises drew nearer.

What he hadn’t expected was for said prayers to get answered in the form of a of a fucking car being thrown into the Russian’s like bowling balls. 

“Run!” Dustin shouted, and Gareth wasted absolutely no time in doing just that. 

The only goal on his mind was to find Steve, get out, and then have a very long discussion about what the hell this all was, in that exact order.