#cas doesnt even want it either but dean seems to want it so he lets it happen. and nobody is happy

[quietwingsinthesky]

it’s lisa and ben 2.0 but with cas and jack instead and worse this time because sam isn’t even dead, sam’s alive but dean keeps cutting him out of the picture to make his life with cas work (remembering how quickly he left lisa to go back to sam, knowing that the only way he can make himself choose anyone else over his brother is to push sam as far away as possible and hope that sam picks someone else first.) (which doesn’t work because again. sam broke up with eileen months ago and isn’t looking for anyone else.)

[fandomtherapy44]

Castiel x reader Chapter 18: The End

Summary: SEASON 5 WHOOOO!!!!!!!! LET's GO! So I am so excited for this season so many great episodes. There are going to be a lot more Cas and Y/n scenes. And more chapters too. I do recommend that you read my first book so you get the full Y/n Winchester build-up. Okay with out further due enjoy the second book of Love War and Grace.

Paring: Castiel X Reader

WC:7.242k

Warnings: Some language, Typical Supernatural violence, Spoilers for season five of Supernatural, Emotional hurt for Y/n, Guns, Talk about Alcohol

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About a week passed, and Dean was blowing up my phone with voicemails and texts with apologies. I listened to and read them all, but I couldn't talk to him, not yet. I left Ellen and Jo to have space to think about what Dean had said and they understood. Ellen and Jo still checked in with me by giving me a call. 

“Hey sweetie, how are you doing?” Ellen asked. I sat down on my bed with a beer in hand, thinking about what to say.

“To be honest, Ellen, I don’t know…I mean my whole life, he’s been mine… I just can’t believe he said that about Sam and our family.” She took in my words and tried to find the best to return back with. 

“I know, I think Dean doesn’t understand all that he said either.” I sigh and lay back on my bed with a big flop. 

“Yeah doesn’t mean it doesnt hurt.” I sniff and let a tear fall. 

“Y/n…I'm sorry, I want you to know if you ever need anything Jo and I will be there.” That brings a small smile to my face. 

“Thanks El, I'll talk to you later.” I hang up from her and just sit there and I get a text. “Call if you need anything :) -Jo”

It was amazing to have them, it was almost like having a moth-. My thoughts were interrupted by my phone ringing. “Hey, Cas. Any updates?” 

“The colt.” He responded, plainly.

“The colt that we lost?” I questioned, sipping my beer.

“It’s the only thing that could kill Lucifer, Y/n. And if you three still want to kill him, that's how we do it.” 

“Have any leads?” I ask.

“Where are you now?”

“Kansas city. Rev Motel, room 444”

“Good, I’ll be right there.”

“Cas, wait, I need sleep. Can we meet in like four hours?”

“Okay, four hours.”

“Thanks, Cas.”

I went to sleep but not even an hour later I got a call. It was Sam. I answered instantly.

“Sam?”

“Hey N/n, how are you doing?” 

I didn’t know how to tell him so I did something I hate doing. I lied. 

“Uh…good. You?”

“No, I’m not, I’m I- I’m…the vessel for Lucifer.” That makes me shoot straight up in bed. 

“What!?” I replied.

“Yeah, he told me all Freddy Krueger style.”  I think about it, and it makes sense with the whole prophecy thing.

“Okay. Well then we will take this on like any other thing. I’ll send you my location.”

He pauses and I can almost make out mumbles, “Really just like that.”

“Yeah of course Sam, Why?” I retort.

He sighs and breathes in deeply. “I told Dean, and he said we would be better apart.”

The anger courses through me like a storm. But I didn’t want to upset Sam anymore. I had been going through the same feelings as him. “I'm sorry Sam, it seems Dean has been a jerk to both of us, just call me when you're on your way, kay?”

“Kay, love you Y/n.”

“Love you too Sam.” 

I hung up the phone and crawled back into bed feeling uneasy, like pieces of myself were missing, like I wasn’t whole. I knew what was, but I couldn't force Dean to be here if he didn’t want to be, just like Dad.

Tweet tweet. I slowly opened my eyes and there was a bird in front of me? I fully open them and as my vision clears from sleep. I think I’m still dreaming because my whole room looks like Edward Scissorhands wanted to be a room designer. I got up from the broken bed and everything was tattered and filthy. I put my head outside the window and the whole street looked like it had been abandoned for ten years. I went outside and it was definitely eerie. I felt like I was transported into a zombie movie. I see an old newspaper case and grab one out.

“OUTBREAK NOW HITS KANSAS CITY, WHERE DO WE GO NOW?” My eyes then wandered down to the date. “January 15th, 2014.” What the fuck?

I started to walk down the street trying to gather what was happening. I then walk down an alley and see Dean.

“Dean?” He turns to me and grabs to hug me. I forget what had been said but for just that moment. I then glance over his shoulder and see a little girl, out cold.

“Did you punch a child out?” He looked between him and the girl and saw how bad it looked.

“The little psycho pulled a knife on me!” I'm about to respond when my head turns and I see the one word I wasn’t expecting.

“CROATOAN” 

“Oh shit!” At that, a lot of people spawn out of nowhere, all of them affected by something.

“Run?”

“Run!” Dean agrees with me and we both book it down the street, and holy fuck the affected were like fast zombies. We hit a dead end and are about to be pounced on when the military comes out of nowhere and shoots them all down, miraculously missing us. We parted the barbed wire to clear a fence and begin walking.

“So?” Dean questions.

“Yeah, so what the hell are we doing in 2014!?” I blurt out anxiously. Dean stops me.

“We’re in 2014!?” He utters, reciprocating my fear. I just shake my head.

“Okay, I think we should go to Bobby’s. You?” He asked me, staring intently into my eyes. I couldn't return his gaze.

“Sounds good.” I responded coldly and Dean knew why.

I managed to hotwire a car and we were on our way. A stale silence filled the car which never happened; there was usually talking or music, but not now. With Dean gripping the steering wheel, he finally said the words that had been on his mind for the last hour. 

“So, are we going to talk?”

I don’t even look at him. “About what?”

“You know what, Y/n I really am sor-” I stopped him at that. 

“Dean, we are currently trapped in 2014 with a deadly virus on our asses, I don’t know, could we maybe pause that conversation till we figure it out after?” I never stalled a chance for us to apologize to each other. That's how he knew he really screwed up.

“Of course.” A couple more seconds and we get the living daylights sacred out of us.

“AHH FUCK!” Dean had the same response and there was Zachariah sitting there, smugly. I should of fucking known.

"Croatoan pandemic reaches Australia." He reads off from a newspaper headline.

“I thought I smelled your stink on this Back to the Future crap.” Dean quipped at him.

“‘President Palin defends bombing of Houston.’ Certainly a buyer's market in real estate. Let's see what's happening in sports. That's right—no more sports. Congress revoked the right to group assembly. What's left of Congress, that is. Hardly a quorum, if you ask me.”

“How did you find us?” I painfully asked him. I didn’t want to look at the fuckface.

“Nice to see you too, Y/n. Afraid we had to tap some unorthodox resources of late—human informants. We've been making inspirational visits to the fringier Christian groups. They've been given your guy’s image, told to keep an eye out.” I think and I know who it was.

“The Nun selling the flowers! That bitch, and to think I bought daisies from her.” I said, shaking my head in annoyance.

“The Bible freak outside the motel—they, what, dropped a dime on us?” Dean said.

“Onward, Christian soldiers.” Zach replied.

“Okay, well, good, great. You have had your jollies. Now send us back, you son of a bitch.” Dean commanded.

“Oh, you'll get back—all in good time. We want you to marinate a bit.” Zach said, amused. I look back to wanting to smack him.

“The fuck that’s supposed to mean?”

“Three days, Dean. Three days to see where this course of action takes you.” Zach then looks at me.

“And for you, really think if you don’t let your brothers fulfill their prophecy, see what happens.”

At that Dean and I looked at each other, thinking, what were we going to see?

I kick the door open to Bobby’s house.

“Bobby! Bobby!” 

Dean and I go in searching for any sign of Bobby. Sadly, his house looked like everywhere else. The nail in the coffin was just an empty wheelchair in the middle of the hallway covered in cobwebs and dust on its side with bullet holes and dried blood. It had been sitting there for years. 

“Bobby…”

Dean goes to the fire mantel and picks up an old picture of a group of men. One of them was Bobby but strangely, another was Cas. Dean points at the photo.

“Camp Chitaqua.” 

We had gotten to the camp and we had sneaked in. A few steps in and we see a horrible thing- well, at least to Dean. It was Baby. Most of her parts were missing- wheels gone and greenery growing out of it. Dean sticks his head in the open car. 

“Oh, no, Baby, what did they do to you?” 

I hear some rustling and before I know it Dean has been knocked out. I tried to run but it was too late.

A gun cocks. “Turn around, slowly.”

I do and I see my brother, lying unconscious on the ground.

“Dean?” I ask, staring in shock at the man before me, who looks exactly like Dean, but a bit older and before I knew it I was out too.

Future Dean’s cabin had its essentials: guns, food, and liquor. My Dean was still knocked out and handcuffed. I was too smart, because we are all Winchesters, after all.

“So should we talk-” I was stopped because future Dean was giving me the death stare.

“Okay, won’t talk. Got it.” He just sits and stares at me.

“Do I have something on my face or-”

“I need your arm.” He doesn't give me a chance and just grabs it.

“Hey! HEY!” He pulls out a silver knife and makes a cut in my arm. “OW! You could have at least given me a second!”

He stands up and grabs a flask. “We don’t have the luxury of seconds anymore.”

I can’t even respond because Holy water gets thrown in my face. I spit it out.

“I'm not a monster and neither is he.” I nod to my Dean.

“I know.” He said and for a reason there is a tiny bit of sadness behind it.

“How did you two end up here?”

“Fucking Zach.” I say with heavy disdain. Dean chuckles and mumbles something I couldn't hear. “I'm from 2009.” 

“If you were my sister, tell me something we would only know.” Future Dean questions.

I think for a moment and come up with the perfect thing. “My first date stood me up, so you picked me up and we egged his house. You told me that he was an idiot and that you would always… be there for me.” I finish with a small smile thinking about one of the few good memories from my childhood all because of… Dean.

“Yeah, I wanted to throw it at his car, but you said that was too far and I remember being happy that you still cared.” Dean said looking down at his hands with a hint of melancholy to his voice. Which made me curious.

At that moment my Dean wakes up. “Y/n! Y/n!” 

“Dean, I'm okay! So are you.” My Dean looked at Future Dean and a look of horror consumed his face. This was getting too confusing. I decided to call my Dean by his name and the future one DD. It was a nickname I had for him when I was little.

“I know Zach threw you guys here. Where is he? I want to talk to him.” DD asked Dean.

“We don’t know.” Dean answered for us.

“So, what, Zach zapped you two up here to see how bad it gets?”

“I guess. Croatoan virus, right? That's their endgame?” Dean asked DD. I mean it has to be right?! I wondered.

“It's efficient, it's incurable, and it's scary as hell. Turns people into monsters. Started hitting the major cities about two years ago. World really went in the crapper after that.” Two years ago? Then where the Hell is Sam? My thoughts raced.

“Then what about Sam?” Dean had the same question as me, rightly so.

DD is silent for a second. You could see the cogs turning in his head as he thought about how to respond.

“Heavyweight showdown in Detroit. From what I understand, Sam didn't make it.” Dean and I widened our eyes at that news.

“What happened?” I questioned, scared for the answer.

“No. No, me and Sam, we haven't talked in—hell, five years,” DD replied. I look between DD and Dean. So that is what happens. Why didn't I try to connect us together?

“What about me?” I ask, concerned. DD turns his head and puts it down in shame.

“I haven't seen you in five years, N/n.” At that, DD starts to leave.

“Wait, wait! What’s that supposed to mean?” I tried to grab his attention because that short explanation was not good enough, especially considering the situation we were in. 

“It means that we…I haven’t seen you for five years.” He stops the conversation there, grabs his stuff and turns to Dean.

“Okay. All right. Fine. But you don't have to cuff me, man. Oh, come on. You don't trust yourself?” Dean said to DD, very offended. DD looks between the two of us.

“You're right, I'm sorry.” He goes and grabs a pair of handcuffs and secures them on my wrists.

“Hey, that's not fair!” I reply, trying to defend myself.

DD turns to me and gives a look, as if to say, “Really?”

“Okay, fair.” DD rolls his eyes and leaves the cabin. Dean and I look at each other.

“How the hell are we always short sighted in our own Back to the Future movies?” I asked Dean.

“I don’t know, Y/n, maybe Marty McFly screwed the system for us.” Dean used a nail he quickly pulled out from the floor board, unlocked his cuffs, and threw me the nail. I followed suit, while Dean started to leave.

“Uh, where do you think you're going?”

“I'm going to check out all this!” He pointed outside.

“What about everyone else seeing doubles?” I said, pointing out the obvious.

“Oh please, with the world they live in, I think they will be okay. Are you going to come?”

I looked around and decided that I needed to uncover a little more in here. “I'm going to look around in here.”

“Okay I'll be back in an hour.” He opened the door, glanced around, and snuck out.

I stand up. Let's just say the cabin did not have much charm to it. “Okay, time to Scooby Doo this bitch.”

I had been looking around for about thirty minutes and I had found nothing, just six guns and eight empty booze bottles, which was typical of Dean. As I walked around the room, a floorboard creaked. “Uh huh, still the same hiding spot from when you were a teen Dean.” I kneel down and pry the board open to find a brown leather journal that looks identical to our Dad’s. I picked it up and started to go through it. Usually I wouldn’t do this, but DD is definitely hiding something important.

“It's been a year since this damn breakout started. Bobby and I tried to defend Sioux Falls the best we could but we had to leave. The Croatans are never ending and basically are super powered. I haven’t really gotten sleep. The only aid I get is from a bottle if I'm lucky enough to find one. It's the only reason why I won’t have nightmares about what happened…” 

I began to filp the page to continue reading but before I could I heard Dean scream followed by a gunshot. I dropped the journal and ran out the door and towards the sound. I see a clearing and Dean and DD standing there with a dead dude on the ground. Other people were staring at Dean like it was The Parent Trap. 

“Dean! Are you okay!?” I ran to his side. 

“Yeah I’m fine, but he isn't.” He glanced down to the poor sap.

“Who shot him?” I questioned and at that time I noticed everyone looking at me even weirder than the twins.

“Uh, my twin.” Dean responded.

Then I felt someone touch my shoulder. I turned to see Cas standing before me.

“Cas?” He just stares in my eyes and I see so much pain and sorrow behind them. He pulls me in for a deep and strong hug, even stronger than when he hugged me after he came back from the dead.

“Cas are you okay?” I squeeze back.

We let go and he gives me a chilling response:

“Y/n, you've been dead for five years.”

I somehow found myself back in the cabin, my whole world turned upside down. Dean and I were silent, thinking about what was just uncovered. DD was just standing there silently.

“So, you want to say something DD?”

He looks at me with emotion in his eyes that I couldn’t quite pinpoint. “You haven’t called me that since you were eight.” 

“Yeah it’s a little too The Parent Trap to call you both Dean. Let’s move on from childhood names and tell me, how the hell am I dead, and why didn't you tell us?” I declared, crossing my arms. I had no way of regulating my feelings more than I usually do.

DD sighs and looks down and Dean and I are waiting. “Five years ago you died in Detroit, that's the day I regretted not saying yes.” He turns to Dean.

“That’s why you have to say yes.” Dean stared at DD.

“How do I die?” I asked.

“I don’t remember, no one does.” He poured a tall glass of whiskey.

“What do you mean you don’t remember!?” I slammed my hands down on the table in confusion and anger.

“I mean that no one remembers how it happens. Maybe it was from trauma or the Angels but we all can’t remember shit about that day.” He finished by gulping down the drink. I had to get some air, so I headed outside.

I started walking while everyone looked at me like they were seeing a ghost. Technically, they were. I didn't even realize that my legs were running till I got to a clearing where I was far enough away that I could think straight. I leaned my back against a big tall pine tree, letting myself slide down to the stump. I tried to catch my breath in the cold air, and it was obvious that I wasn’t doing a good job. As I exhaled, my breath looked like a white plume of smoke. Thousands of thoughts ran through my head, none of them stopping to drink water. 

“Hey, are you okay?” A deep scruffy voice asked from the other side of the tree. I didn't need to turn to see who the owner of the voice was. It might have sounded a little strained and hoarse, but I knew it was my best friend. I got up, slowly trying not to stumble while ignoring the oncoming headache. 

“To be honest, Cas, no. I mean, how are you supposed to react when you die in almost a year?” I put my hand on my head trying to calm it.

“It’s been five years for me, the worst five years.” He sits down on a stomp and takes out an old pack of cigs that looks about ten years old. He lights one up and breathes it in and blows out a long puff of smoke. I went to sit down next to him.

“Since when do you smoke?” I waited for an answer and just took a good look at him. He was still handsome as ever, but looked aged and scared in more than one way.

“Since you died and the world went to shit.” He throws the cig and then he takes out a small flask, immediately throwing it back like he couldn't be without a substance for more than a couple of seconds. I hated seeing him like this.

“Do you remember how I-” I hesitated to continue. not wanting to speak it in existence more than it had.

“How you die? No, I don’t, like everyone else.” He offered me the flask and I thought, what the hell. I take it and drink it back. 

“Ugh that tastes disgusting- it’s like old peach schnapps.” I pulled it from my mouth and spit it out on the ground.

He takes it back, smiling. “That's ‘cause it is, Y/n. Not many stores in the apocalypse, but as long as it gets me drunk I don’t care.” He then again drinks it back like it’s nothing, telling me he’s had a lot of practice.

“So what happened after I… died.”

“Well, the Angels had their fun letting the Croats and demons run around after the planet was barely spinning. We've been trying to save what’s left.” I hadn’t heard such a hopeless sentence for a long time. Then I realized something that should be so obvious.

“Cas… You're not an Angel anymore, are you.”  He chuckles at that.

“N/n, always so smart. Yeah, I lost my wings a long time ago. I think it had something to do with the others leaving. I don’t know. So, I'm useless.” He drank again.

“Useless?”

“Yeah, useless, I couldn’t even… save you.” He says, full of regret and disdain.

“Cas, you have never been useless, even after losing your wings, despite what you think. You are useful just being you! Don’t blame yourself for what happened. I can tell you, even though for me it hasn’t happened yet, it wasn’t your fault.”

He turns to me and gives me a real smile. 

“I missed that.”

“Missed what?”

“Missed you pulling me from hell, no matter what.”

Cas and I walked back to the cabin. When we arrived, everyone was having a meeting and the colt was in the middle of the table.

“Is that the colt!?” I asked, surprised, and sat down. Cas looked curious as well.

Both DD and Dean stared at me as how to I was doing.

‘How are you doing?” Dean whispered to me.

“I…” I didn't really know.

“So, that's it? That's the Colt?” Risa questioned.

“If anything can kill Lucifer, this is it.” DD responded holding up the gun confidently.

“Great. Have we got anything that can find Lucifer?” Risa threw back with attitude and she did have a good question.

“Are you okay?” DD was confused.

“Oh, we were in, uh, Jane's cabin last night. And, apparently, we and...Risa have a connection.” Dean told DD and I had to try to hold back my laughter.

“We don't have to find Lucifer. We know where he is. The demon that we caught last week, he was one of the big guy's entourage. He knew,” DD stated.

“Are we really trusting a demon?” I just couldn't believe Dean, especially that this Dean (DD) would take a demon's word truthfully.

“ Y/n our fearless leader, I'm afraid, is all too well schooled in the art of getting to the truth.” Cas said and I could tell he was sad saying it.

“Torture? Oh, so, we're—we're torturing again. No, that's—that's good. Classy.” Dean said in disbelief to DD.

Cas laughs at that and DD gives him a look.

“What? I like past you.” Cas riposted back.

“Lucifer is here. Now. I know the block and I know the building.” DD brought out a map and a block was circled.

“Oh, good—it's right in the middle of a hot zone.” Cas clearly pointed out.

“Crawling with Croats, yeah. You saying my plan is reckless?” DD replied.

“Are you saying we, uh, walk in straight up the driveway, past all the demons and the Croats, and we shoot the devil?” 

“Yes.”

“Okay, if you don't like, uh, 'reckless', I could use 'insouciant', maybe,” Cas stated.

“Are you coming?”

“Of course. But why is he? I mean, he's you five years ago. If something happens to him, you're gone, right?” Cas was right- I should technically be dead- but not him.

“He's coming.” DD commanded firmly.

Cas is done with DD’s bullshit and just agrees to halt the conversation. “Okay. Well, uh. I'll get the grunts moving.” Him and Risa leave.

“Why are you taking us?” Dean asked DD. DD reloads his gun, looking down.

“Relax. You'll be fine. Zach's looking after you, right?”

“No, that's not what I mean. I want to know what's going on.” Dean was right.

“Yeah, I second that.” I chimed in.

“Yeah, okay. You're coming because I want you to see something. I want you to see our brother.”

“Sam’s dead like me right…?” I asked, hesitantly. DD looks into my eyes and sighs and then turns to Dean.

“Sam didn't die in Detroit. He said 'yes'.”

“Wait. You mean—” 

“That's right. The big 'yes'. To the devil. Lucifer's wearing him to the prom.” 

“Why in the hell would Sam do that? It makes no sense.” I wondered, voicing my thoughts.

“I don’t know why N/n, but now we don't have a choice. It's in him, and it's not getting out. And we've got to kill him, Dean. And you need to see it—the whole damn thing, how bad it gets—so you can do it differently.”

“What do you mean?”

“Zach said he was gonna bring you back, right? To ‘09?”

“When you get back home—you say 'yes'. You hear me? Say 'yes' to Michael.” DD was chest to chest with Dean, pleading with him.

“If Dean does that then Michael and Lucifer will smoke half the planet.”

“AT LEAST YOU’LL BE ALIVE!” DD yelled, finally letting his anger out.

“Look around you, man. Half the planet's better than no planet, which is what we have now. Your sister can still be alive. If I could do it over again, I'd say 'yes' in a heartbeat.” DD continued.

“So why don't you?” Dean asked.

“I've tried! I've shouted 'yes' till I was blue in the face! The angels aren't listening! They just—left—gave up! It's too late for me, but for you—” DD went on.

“Oh, no. There's got to be another way,” Dean interrupted.

“Yeah, that's what I thought. I was cocky. Never actually thought I'd lose. But I was wrong. Dean. I was wrong. I'm begging you. Say yes. So our sister can live.” 

I get in a truck with Cas to head to the site where Sam supposedly is. It’s so weird to see him driving, but I liked it. He takes out a bottle of pills and takes a couple.

“Pills? What the hell are those?” I nod my head to the bottle.

“Amphetamines, you want some?” Cas easily said, without regard. My stomach dropped.

“Sure.” I give a sweet smile, prompting Cas to hand me the bottle. I proceeded to roll down the window and threw the bottle out.

“WHAT THE HELL Y/N? Do you know how hard it is to find those?” Cas tried to focus on the road and not to turn back.

“No I don’t, and I don’t care.”

“Why!? Why would you do that?”

“Because you're not being you!”

“What does that even mean!” He exclaimed, hitting the wheel, turning to glare at me quickly before looking back at the road.

“The Cas I know would never get high and drink!”

“I'm not the Cas you know or knew I don’t really know but after you died… I couldn't, I just couldn't.”

“Cas, listen to me. After this, go somewhere for me.”

He looked to me. “Where?”

“Go see the Northern lights.” 

“Why there?”

“I never got to go and probably never will, so you go for me. I don’t want you to be sad, I want you to get the full human experience, feel sad, and mad... and love. Feel for me, because I can’t bear to see a shell of you. Just promise me, okay?” I grab his hand and squeeze it tightly.

“Okay, I promise.”

We had gotten to the site and it was an old repair building. DD started telling us the plan. 

“There. Second-floor window. We go in there.” He pointed up to the building. He said this as if it was easy to accomplish.

“You sure about this?” Risa rightfully questioned.

“They'll never see us coming. Trust me. Now, weapons check. We're on the move in five.” This is too easy and fishy, I thought. He’s lying.

“Hey, uh, me. Can I talk to you for a sec?” Dean nodded at DD.

I get up to go with them. “Tell me what's going on.”

“What?” Dean in any timeline can be such a bad liar.

“DD, you forget that I have been with you our entire lives. What the fuck are you planning?” I pointed at his chest.

“I don't know what you're talking about.” DD rebutted back. 

“Oh, really? Well, we don't seem to be the only members of your party with some questions, so, uh, maybe we will just take our doubts over to them.” Dean and I started to walk away.

“Okay, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait. Take a look around you, guys. This place should be white-hot with Croats. Where are they?” He said, holding us back by the collars of our shirts.

“They cleared a path for us. Which means that this is—”

“A fucking trap. Then we can’t go through the front!” I concluded.

“Oh, we're not. They are. They're the decoys. We're going in through the back, us three.” My jaw dropped at what DD suggested.

“You mean you're gonna feed your friends into a meat grinder? Cas, too? You want to use their deaths as a diversion?” 

DD looks away in shame.

“Oh, man, something is broken in you. You're making decisions that I would never make. I wouldn't sacrifice my friends.” That's when DD snaps.

“You're right. You wouldn't. Maybe seeing that your SISTER DIES BECAUSE OF YOUR STUBBORNNESS CHANGES THAT!” He screamed at Dean and his eyes floated to me in the tension. Dean and I turned to each other, knowing we had to go warn the rest of our party.

“These people count on you. They trust you.” Dean tried to counter.

“They trust me to kill the devil and to save the world and that's exactly what I'm gonna do.” DD replied coldly and hopelessly.

“No. Not like this, you're not. We are not gonna let you.” We start walking away and suddenly, Dean is knocked out.

I gasped and turned to DD. “DD please, I know you don’t want to do this, I know you don’t want to kill your friends, Castiel, just to kill the devil.” I was backed up against a tree as DD came closer.

“Y/n, I want to trust me (Dean). Like you said, you know me, but I can’t let him keep living. Not after having you die ‘cause of it. I really am sorry.” I didn’t get another word until the handle of DD’s shotgun went into my head.

I slowly start waking up to the sound of lots of gunfire. I stumble to get up. I was pretty sure I had a concussion. Everything is a little blurry and tilted. Dean is still knocked out and DD is nowhere to be found. 

“Dean, get up!” I shook him but he was not budging. I sighed in frustration and anxiety. I remembered why there was a lot of gunfire, the trap, and Cas.

“I'll be back Dean!” I tell him in his unconscious state and run to the building.

I enter as quickly and quietly as possible. There are dead Croats and sadly, there are some of our own, lying on the floor. I pick up a gun and go up the stairs where I find Cas killing a Croat.

“Cas!” I run up to him, he drops the body, and I run into his arms. “Oh thank God.” I whispered and tightened my grip on him. And so does he. We let go.

“I think that is what I miss most, is your hugs.” He says and I can see tears build up in his blue soulful eyes, mixed with regret and affliction.

“Can you promise me something?” He continued.

“Of course.” I nodded my head.

“When you get back will you uh hu-” His words suddenly stopped and blood slowly started to come out of his mouth.

“Cas!?” He slumps down revealing that a Demon had stabbed him in the back. The demon pulls out the knife and gives me a creepy smile.

“Aww did I kill your boyfr-” I pulled out my gun and shot him in the face not letting him have the fucking satisfaction of finishing his sentence.

“CAS! Cas, stay with me! It’s okay, I'll get help!” I frantically said, panic rushing through me.

“N/n you can’t even if…you could there is nothing that could help me in this timeline just stay with me please?” Cas said in between coughs. Blood is now spraying on his shirt. It was like deja vu- flashes of Sam flashed through my head.

“I’m here, Cas.” I pull his head on my lap and stroked his hair.

“Ha ha ha...” Cas somehow laughed through more coughing fits.

“How in the hell are you laughing right now?” I said while tears rolled down my cheeks.

“It’s just funny that a formal Angel is dying from something as simple as a stab wound, don’t you think?” He gave me a half-stoned smile.

“Ha, I don’t think it’s funny at all.” I sniffed.

“I'm sorry I can’t go see the lights.” I could feel he was slipping away quickly.

“Oh Cas don’t be sorry, I just always wanted you to live for you.” My tears were coming out and there was no stopping it.

“I was really stupid when you were still here.” 

“What do you mean?”

“I never told you how you changed me, how you gave me courage, how you taught me to lov-” He just stops.

“Cas! CAS!” I shook him hard now, a full-on waterfall coming down my face. “Cas…” I whispered. He was gone.

How come the people I care about keep dying? I thought.

There was a crack of lighting outside to pull me out of my thoughts. I looked down and saw … Sam.

“I’ll be back to bury you I promise.” I say in Cas’s ear and kiss his forehead.

I run outside to be met with a rose garden and Sam is in this full white suit, DD’s head under his foot. His backside is to me. DD sees me and tries to say something but is stopped by his neck being snapped.

“Y/n well, this is a surprise. I was just expecting our brother.” He said this so calmly like it was normal that it sent a chill down my spine.

“You are not Sam.” I circled him carefully.

“You're right, I'm not, but he does desperately want to see you, he’s begging me to come up to just speak to you for a minute. I mean, how could you blame him, his little sister has been dead for five years.” He tried to jab at me to get some type of an emotion to manipulate but I would not give in as all of it was expelled about two minutes ago. Dean then shows up behind him.

“You've come a long way to see this, haven't you?” He said to the both of us. Giving us sinister eyes and speaking like a snake.

“Well, go ahead. Kill us.” Dean blurts out. I mean, both of us will die anyway, I thought.

“Kill you?” He looks at DD, who is dead, then back at me with a confused look. 

“Don't you think that would be a little...redundant?” 

“I'm sorry. It must be painful, speaking to me in this—shape. But it had to be your brother. It had to be.” Sam, or more technically, Lucifer, rebuttals back. He reaches for Dean and my shoulders but we both pull back. 

“You don't have to be afraid of me, you two. What do you think I'm going to do?” 

“You know we may not be full Bible knowledge holders but we do the major stuff of what you did and continue to do.” I fought back, not falling for his bullshit.

“Yeah, what she said.” Dean nodded at me in agreement.

“Why? Why would I want to destroy this stunning thing? Beautiful in a trillion different ways. The last perfect handiwork of God.” Neither of us wanted to hear these lies. “You ever hear the story of how I fell from grace?”

“No, but I’m sure you're going to annoyingly tell us.”

“Ahh Y/n, I have always loved your little quips. You know why God cast me down? Because I loved him. More than anything. And then God created…” He smiles and turns his head down on us. “You. The little...hairless apes. And then he asked all of us to bow down before you—to love you, more than him. And I said, ‘Father, I can't.’ I said, ‘These human beings are flawed, murderous.’ And for that, God had Michael cast me into hell. Now, tell me, does the punishment fit the crime? Especially, when I was right? Look at what six billion of you have done to this thing, and how many of you blame me for it.” I hadn’t had the urge to punch someone so hard since Ruby.

“You're not fooling me, you know that? With this sympathy-for-the-devil crap. We know what you are.” Dean said for the both of us.

“What am I?” 

“You're the same thing, only bigger. The same brand of cockroach I've been squashing our whole lives. An ugly, evil, belly-to-the-ground, supernatural piece of crap. The only difference between them and you is the size of your ego.” Lucifer smiles at us like we are little kids playing cops and robbers.

“I like you, Dean. I get what the other angels see in you. Goodbye. We'll meet again soon. And Y/n I’m sorry, I won’t be able to hear your funny lines again.” He turns away from us.

“You better kill me now!” Dean screams at him.

“Pardon?” 

“You better kill me now. Or I swear, I will find a way to kill you. And I won't stop.”

“I know you won't. I know you won't say yes to Michael, either. And I know you won't kill Sam. Whatever you do, you will always end up here. Whatever choices you make, whatever details you alter, we will always end up—here. I win. So, I win.”

“You're wrong.”

“See you in five years, Dean. Y/n, Sam loves you though I could give him that.” At that thunder and lighting crack, Lucifer disappears, and Dean and I turn to see Zachariah reaching for us.

“Wait! I have to bury Cas!” Of course, I didn’t get to.

Dean and I are dropped in Dean’s hotel room and we lean against the sink to catch our breaths.

“Oh, well, if it isn't the ghost of Christmas screw you.” Dean said in annoyance.

“Enough. Dean, enough. You saw it, right? You saw what happens. You're the only person who can prove the devil wrong. Your sister dies. Just say yes.”

“How do I know that this whole thing isn't one of your tricks? Huh? Some angel hocus-pocus?”

“The time for tricks is over. Give yourself to Michael. Say yes and we can strike. Before Lucifer gets to Sam. Before billions die.” He then turns to me.

“Y/n, you die, don’t you want to live, convince your brother.”

Dean and I are on the same page because at the same time we both say “Nah.”

“'Nah'? You two are telling me you haven't learned your lesson?” 

“Look, off-brand Disney channel character, I’m in charge of my future, not what you dicks have planned.” I poured a drink for Dean and I.

“And I've learned a lesson, all right. Just not the one you wanted to teach.” Dean quipped drinking back.

And anger just surges through him. “Well, I'll just have to teach it again! Because I got you now, boy, girl and I'm never letting you—”

We landed on the side of the road under a lamplight and Cas was standing there.

“That's pretty nice timing, Cas.” Dean let out a breath of relief.

“We had an appoi-” I didn’t let him finish before I threw my hands around him trying to take in everything about him. Trying to find his heartbeat ‘Thump Thump’ there it is.

“Sorry, I just…” How was I supposed to tell him? “Missed you.” I finished. Dean’s eyes went between us knowing the reason for the sudden hug and he tried to bring attention away from it.

“Cas don’t ever change.” He claps Cas’s shoulder in awe and a smile.

“How did Zachariah find you?”

“Long story. Let's just stay away from Jehovah's Witnesses from now on, okay?”

“And Nun’s selling flowers.” Dean then pulls out his phone.

“What are you doing?” Cas asks. I glance down and see Sam’s name on his phone and I smile at it.

“Something I should have done in the first place.”

Dean and I are waiting by the Impala for Sam. His car pulls up and I send a quick prayer to whatever is out there that everything goes smoothly. Sam gets out and walks over slowly.

“Sam.” Dean pulls out the demon knife.

“If you're serious and you want back in...you should hang on to this. I'm sure you're rusty.” Wow Dean is actually listening to me, crazy, I thought. Sam takes the knife.

“Look, man, I'm sorry. I don't know. I'm...whatever I need to be. But I was, uh—wrong.” Dean confessed.

“What made you change your mind?” Sam asks and well a lot Sam.

“Long story. The point is...maybe we are each other's Achilles heel. Maybe they'll find a way to use us against each other, I don't know. I just know we're all we've got. More than that. We keep each other human.”  The three of us I don’t know. I haven't really felt like this before. Not sure if we need these extra two sentences, maybe change this? 

“Thank you. Really. Thank you. I won't let you down.” Sam really was thankful.

“Oh, I know it. I mean, you are the second-best hunter on the planet.” Dean said, talking like a true older brother.

“Uh excuse me you mean third best hunter right?” I added in. My brothers both chuckle at me.

“So, what do we do now?” Sam asks.

“I’ll tell you what we do, Sam, we kick ass and take names and our future.” I ended.

“Guess we have no choice.”

[sounknownvoid]

S6 "family matters" - more evidence of villain!cas?

so you know how cas also raised SAM from 'perdition' - but off his own bat n solo n in the process left his soul behind ...?

What if..... it was on purpose?

I mean he didnt respond to sam for a whole year and just left him there helpless n confused n not even telling him what'd happened to him after sam "woke up in a field" n called out to him..

(N then sam somehow stumbles onto find bobby presumably - only its still soulless!bobby at that point n so he basically gets a cold reception there - n either adds to his confusion or he thinks that he should find somewhere hes wanted - his cold logical brain suggests " go find family" & even in soulless state, he decides he cant interrupt deans life so he hooks up with the campbells - coz family is everything as has been drummed into him by john n dean.... n y'know who didnt live upto that for sam despite having souls n being on side of heacen n all that - dean and cas!...but i digress...)

After being mostly awol most of the time, cas again hides it n doesnt tell dean whats wrong with his brother - even when he outright asks him.... n then the worst thing is he does that whole soul-fisting which is just most agonising thing to sam....

wouldnt it have been the time to, i dont know, NOT Inflict more pain on sam, that he has ostensibly "rescued" from hell and therefore confess?....even if he couldnt somehow step in n stop dean just smashing soulless into a pulp just before....or was that what he was hoping would happen?

Was it the growing, unrequited feelings cas was developing that was leading him to act more manipulative n petty n scheming to get dean turning against his brother,his soulmate, sam? - cas knew the hatred dean has of "freaks n monsters" n heaven used that particular gambit to split the brothers up before in s4-5 ....did he DELIBERATELY leave sam soulless n let him flounder n go without any guidance n help hoping for exactly what happened - deans trust in sam being broken? ... aim being that cas could then "swoop in" ... ie manipulate dean into a situationship with him?...

Dunno about the motivations but cas definitely did NOT need to soul-fist sam n inflict that much agony on him if he ALREADY knew that sam didnt have a soul....which he did.

in fact sam even outright asks him in the same episode after cas finally confesses that it was him that pulled him out of hell - " wait, did you bring me back souless....ON PURPOSE?!"...

n i think the real reason cas broke sams wall 2xepisodes later is coz hed panicked and didnt want dean to find out that yes maybe he really had done that on purpose...

Inflicting pain on sam seemed to be cas' repeated choice throughout s6-7 - n maybe that lends a bit more weight to that whole "cas as villain arc" thing...to me at least...

[sarah-dipitous]

Hellsite Nostalgia Tour 2023 Day 316

Nihilism/Damaged Goods

Huzzah!! It only took uninstalling, reinstalling, and then restarting Netflix and then my whole tv to get picture back on but I did it!! So an spn double header

“Nihilism”

Plot Description: as Sam and Castiel try to free Dean from Michael’s control, it falls on Jack to protect the bunker from a monster horde outside

Would I Survive the First Five Minutes??: No one died. I’m guessing that this is happening in Dean’s mind as either a way to pacify him or convince him to be Michael’s vessel forever

Omg it took a second watch of the first five minutes to realize that Rocky’s Bar (the bar this Dean owns) is in the Rocky and Bullwinkle font…like moose and squirrel, like Crowley used to call them 😭 I miss Crowley

That was a really good distraction to get the angel cuffs on Michael

The reapers have SHIFTS to babysit the Winchesters now?? Amazing

Then how did they get back to the bunker?? If violet didn’t take them there

Ugh… the way Dean is living the same rainy day over and over in his mind. Please wake up from this groundhogs day

Jack’s faith in Dean is 🥺

MICHAEL. STOP LYING TO JACK.

Damn. Michael is even more blood thirsty than Lucifer

Sam’s so desperate for whatever cab save Dean

I’m not going to make comments about why Dean’s mind seems empty

It’s really just super dark because of the trauma

Oh good. Dean’s…….oh no. Michael’s adjusting Dean’s memory to fit what Sam and Cas are saying , but not faster than Sam can make him remember

TWO JENSENS??

Not only is Michael cruel, he’s annoying. He’s stalling til his monster army gets to the bunker

Oh damn!! Since they can’t actually kick Michael out, they shoved him in the cooler of the fake bar in Dean’s mind and now Dean is The Cage. Ngl. It was kinda hot to hear him say that for some reason

Me to Megumi 🤝 Cas to Jack: I’m not mad at you, I’m just trying to keep you safe, and you are making it SO. DIFFICULT.

Awwww it WAS Billie who got them out of the place Michael was at the beginning

Well, at least now I know that whatever fate is in Billie’s books can be changed because I know for a fact Dean doesn’t die the way her books tell it. It’s way, way stupider

Omg they’re really Avengers Infinity War/Endgame-ing this. All of the books say Dean dies with Michael escaping his mind and burning down the world….except one. The one where he dies on a rusty nail for some reason

That said, I can’t believe Billie let him read AND KEEP THE ONE BOOK WHERE IT DOESNT HAPPEN?!

“Damaged Goods”

Plot Description: Dean decides to spend some time with his mother—until Nick shows up looking for a secret Mary stashed away for safekeeping

Would I Survive the First Five Minutes??: if Nick wanted to kill me, he just would

How does this demon not recognize Lucifer’s vessel

“We don’t hug. I mean, we do, but only if it’s the end of the world or something” truer words never spoken, Sammy

I’m so glad Dean has Donna to take him to go get the best burger

😭😭😭 I’m so proud of Dean for making his needs known and seeing that they are met, even if he’s not forthcoming about WHY he needs them

I MUST know what’s in the Winchester Surprise

When did they get Garth out of the trunk?

Yeah, I ALWAYS think “I should do some welding” when the archangel banging around in my brain starts making my vision go wonky

Nick, you can’t roll up to a small town in a creeper van asking for the friend of the sheriff…

Nick better not actually hurt Donna

I hate that they’re probably right to worry about Dean, but I also don’t like that they’re going behind Dean’s back like this, ESPECIALLY Sam, who seems to be on his way to the cabin

Dean’s read the one way he won’t die with Michael taking over. I don’t know how the whole story goes or if they’re able to divert that to something else but…..let him have some time to process

Ok, we’re getting closer to whatever Dean’s really up to

So Nick is angry because Mary trapped the demon (instead of killing) who killed Nick’s family. I can’t believe he just asked her if she still had the box like she wasn’t dead for three decades

Oh…but she knows where the box is

I really hate Nick putting these women in danger.

The way the writers can’t come up with another way of describing an archangel possessing one of the boys other than “wearing me to the prom” it’s been like ten years, and they’re still going with that

Dean, you’re not talking about Nick when you mention people you think are past saving…or you’re not JUST talking about Nick

Nick, you dumb piece of shit, don’t you dare hurt Mary

Boys!! And Donna!! Thank god you showed up

You know it’s bad if Sam doesn’t think you’re worth saving

What was — oh. Oh no. Dean. Dean, you HAVE to realize Sam is not going to let you do this. He built some kind of box nothing can escape and is planning to pay some hush money for someone to drop said box (WITH HIM INSIDE) into the Pacific Ocean, so it’s just him and Michael duking it out in his brain FOREVER. Sam KNOWS what it’s like to be stuck with an arch angel or two. There is no way this happens

I can’t believe you were ever part of Team Free Will, the way you’re talking, Dean. I can’t believe you’re asking Sam to help you with this insane plan and I CANNOT BELIEVE HE AGREED

[nancylou444]

I tried to be nice

Replies to this post:

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Became this:

THEM:  hi! thanks for the answers I really appreciate the discussion. normally if someone ships something I don’t like or something like that, I’ll just leave them alone but.. just to be clear I completely respect all of your opinions, even agree with some of them, even if we might disagree on the incest and Castiel haha. So I don’t mean any disrespect with this at all, please let me know if I’m out of line though!  

 But... I saw some things you said, and they come across to me in a way that I don’t think you intended? I feel really awkward sending this haha, you’re very nice and I don’t think you said anything on purpose, but I just.. wanted to let you know that some of the things regarding your opinion on certain characters come across not very well? I don’t think it’s intentional or anything, and I don’t mean to call you out at all which is why I didn’t want to point it out in the replies y’know?  

 Don’t get me wrong though, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with not liking castiel or destiel. I’ve been watching the show for a while with my dad, and he isn’t a huge fan either, I don’t think that’s a problem :) 

I’d continue without waiting for a response but I don’t want to say something you’ve already been told, or continue without knowing if I’ve said something out of line already 😅

ME:  I'm kind of distracted dealing with my Mom's rehab center. But you can keep going.

THEM: Alright! I’ve tried rephrasing this a million times but I don’t know how to make it seem not antagonistic. I promise I don’t mean that you’re doing it intentionally, it’s just, uh a lot of your criticism of spn feels like it could be read as homophobic? Again I don’t think YOU are I just wanted you to know it kind of reads that way!

That sounded so confrontational. I really don’t mean it that way 😭

ME: HOMOPHOBIC? Really? A lot of the 'proof' your fellow shippers use border on stereotypes but you think I'M homophobic? Considering my top two ships are Wincest and Malec. Yeah, sounds confrontational.

THEM:  I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. I guess there’s no other way to say it, but I understand why you feel accused. What do you mean by proof..?

Also I don’t really think having gay ships means you can’t be homophobic. *I* used to be homophobic years ago, and I’m a gay person!

ME:  How old are you? https://nancylou444.tumblr.com/post/154098904136/a-guide-to-dean-winchesters-imaginary-bisexuality

THEM:  yeah this is starting to get frustrating. I’m gonna be real with you, why does it matter if people think dean is bisexual? like, bottom line, that is my question for you

and your answer will determine if your veracity is homophobic. why does it matter that some people think dean is bisexual. not the fans or actors or writers or anything. why does it matter that some viewers will watch, and they will think dean is bisexual?

ME:  My problem isn't that some people think he is bi IN FANON, my problem is that they want CONFIRMATION OF A FANON SHIP. And that some people DENY how the show ended. These same people think that fake weddings are more canon than the FINAL EPISODE.

THEM:  I get what you mean, but how is it a fanon ship when it’s confirmed romantic from one side, and interpretable as mutually reciprocated in Latin America? (I’m going to disregard the bit about the wedding, because I’m a firm believer in Neil Gaiman variety death of the author. Also that’s just people having fun with fanon, who cares?)

ME:  Confirmed romantic?By whom MISHA, who wanted to sell necklaces? Have you never said 'i love you' to a FRIEND or FAMILY member? The dub is not canon, so don't even try using that as proof. Death of the author is just another way of saying MY VIEW OF THE SHOW IS SUPERIOR TO HOW THE CREATOR WANTS TO SEE IT. Jensen has said many times that the ship isn't canon and that Dean is straight. But it's better to believe what Misha says because he agrees with you. You think somebody is bi because of how they sit or the color clothes they wear? That would make YOU homophobe.

THEM:  LOL You know what? I change my answer. I looked through your blog and you ACTIVELY and viscously hate Cas, Charlie, Claire, Kaia and the implication that Jack may not be straight. You’ve said Cas coming out as gay and in love with dean makes the rest of his actions predatory, compared him to a teenage girl, called him creepy, and openly rejoiced in your idea that dean looked ‘disgusted with him’. You said that Claire is awful, that Kaia is a wooden plank, that they ‘shoved them together’ for ‘woke points’ and said that Jody saying Claire was IN LOVE WITH Kaia ‘doesnt count’ and called it ‘lip service’. And it doesn’t end there! After all this, you said that you preferred the old better s4 Claire. Is it because she was ostensibly straight? Are you uncomfortable with queer women? And then you have the audacity to use these characters (Claire and Kaia and Charlie) as reasons to epicly own the Hellers and claim they already have represention. You are a completely disingenuous bitch and I don’t care to be nice to you anymore! I don’t feel AT ALL charitable toward you anymore, and I don’t care if you have gay ships. Gay people aren’t here for you to fetishize! You CONSTANTLY mock and ridicule jokes made by queer people regarding deans bisexuality or Cas being gay or any number of things. You constantly reaffirm that Dean is straight and call people who think otherwise delusional and disgusting, while you think dean is in romantic sexual love with his male sibling. You are openly hostile to the idea of non-binary jack and were pissed that Alcal endorsed that. You devalue Jack’s value and relationship to Cas who is, textually, his father figure. I have NO reason not to think that you are homophobic. I don’t care anymore! You’re a huge bitch and, judging by your prior responses and posts, a genuine dialogue regarding queerness in spn is impossible. You regard any instance of canonically queer moments ‘lip service’ and so regard it. You actively hate every canonically gay character and degrade them using traditionally homophobic tropes and stereotypes.

Feel free to explain how you aren’t homophobic. I’m so sorry if I got the wrong impression.

ME: Wow I see your true colors have come out HELLER.

THEM:  Idc if you think I’m mean. Go ahead and make a post about me lol, have fun with it. Give me a moment to respond to your paragraph it’s... a lot to dissect.

I’ll touch on your comments about the dub and the Spanish language in a moment. First though

I ’m gonna be real with you, I don’t think you know what death of the author is. Neil Gaiman’s variety of the dead author principal is that once canon ends, the story belongs to those that consume and engage with it. That’s... also literally the theme of supernaturals final season. Anyway I really recommend you read up on death of the author and Neil Gaiman’s takes on fanon. It’s a fun way to consume your media, and in the end that’s what I’m here for.

I don’t care what Misha says, and I don’t care what Jensen says! I think they are both queer because I have eyes and watched the show. I think it’s a lovely narrative that is supported by canon, and it’s fine if you disagree with that

On your last sentence there... lol. It’s a common joke in queer circles that gays can’t sit properly, specifically bisexuals. Same thing with the clothing, it’s a SUPER common joke for example that lesbians wear flannel. Maybe you need to go outside and talk to some normal, non-incest shipping queer people. But what do I know!

And finally... ‘the Spanish dub isnt canon’

I am literally cuban. My first language is SPANISH. my entire household speaks Spanish, and my family past 1st cousins don’t speak any English. My Boricua cousins have watched supernatural in full for years, and they watch it in Spanish. Do you think America is the center of the universe? Do you think our media is somehow less than yours, that our interpretations of English language media isn’t valid? What, do you think we are idiots who don’t know how to analyze literature and media? Do you think the people who work at Telemundo, people employed as dubbers and translators, you think they do a worse job than the American crew?

Why, because they aren’t American or don’t speak English? ‘Te amo’ said to a non family member is, in 99% of any instance, ROMANTIC. it’s something you say to your spouse in serious situations like weddings!! Even MARRIED people don’t normally say te amo, everyone uses te quiero unless it is very serious or romantic in context.

All of my family who are Spanish language, they heard dean say ‘y a yo ti, cas’ and think that they were in romantic love. Sorry dude! The United States might be the center of your universe, but Latin America is HUGE. Spanish is one of the most spoken languages in the WORLD. In fact, more people speak Spanish than English. Sorry that you seem to hate gay characters SO MUCH you have to say an entire language somehow isn’t valid to consume media in!

ME: 

Obviously this heller is batshit crazy. 

Some of those things she thinks I said just show she has no idea how to follow a tumblr thread. 

You are a completely disingenuous bitch and I don’t care to be nice to you anymore! I don’t feel AT ALL charitable toward you anymore, and I don’t care if you have gay ships. Gay people aren’t here for you to fetishize! You CONSTANTLY mock and ridicule jokes made by queer people regarding deans bisexuality or Cas being gay or any number of things. You constantly reaffirm that Dean is straight and call people who think otherwise delusional and disgusting, while you think dean is in romantic sexual love with his male sibling.

Wow. 

I have NO reason not to think that you are homophobic. I don’t care anymore! You’re a huge bitch and, judging by your prior responses and posts, a genuine dialogue regarding queerness in spn is impossible. You regard any instance of canonically queer moments ‘lip service’ and so regard it. You actively hate every canonically gay character and degrade them using traditionally homophobic tropes and stereotypes.

Where have I hated canon gay characters and degraded them using tropes and stereotypes? The bitch has me confused with HER FELLOW SHIPPERS. 

Gotta love how she is defending the Spanish dub. Hit a nerve did I? 

It’s a common joke in queer circles that gays can’t sit properly, specifically bisexuals. Same thing with the clothing, it’s a SUPER common joke for example that lesbians wear flannel. Maybe you need to go outside and talk to some normal, non-incest shipping queer people.

Now who is using stereotypes? 

[ao3gingerswag]

okay so I had a lil plot bunny for wander home I thought id share.

so I know that we don't really know how dean turned up at johns, I think you made a passing comment about him being left there but you said you hadn't really thought about it. I was thinking about wander home (as one is wont to do when ignoring any and all other responsibilities) and i had a little thought. so I'm thinking this is way in the future when sam is like 17/18, he's going through all the teenage angst and hes having thoughts about bio family. obviously, dean and cas are very happy at this point but sam for some reason gets it into his head that since he and dean aren't *actually* biologically related, their relationship means less and he starts obsessing over deans actual family and whether they could give him things sam couldn't (I think this would tie into a lot of guilt im sure sam has about his inaction during their childhood at johns even tho he was a literal child) and it's this whole guilt thing of whether or not dean has a better sam out there and how sam used him and all such guilt. so anyways, 17/18 sam is I imagine still doing his lessons with the pastor, perhaps he's been promoted to apprentice or whatever, and he decides to use his almost adulthood to try and track down deans bio family. I think he does this to get answers, solving the mystery of deans past (bc deans been with him entire life) but also to prove to himself whether he is actually keeping dean from a better life (o the teen angst) and maybe reunite them. so adventure commences, I imagine him searching through any records he can get his hands on (not many) and maybe lying to cas and dean and saying he's been send on an errand by the pastor and he goes back to John's inn to search for information. anyways after that all happens idk if it would be better for him to find out the truth or not, I can picture multiple endings that would work out differently which I can also add on later if you want but the ending point would be sam realising that dean IS his brother and they ARE enough and 'family don't end in blood' and all that jazz and he returns to the inn and maybe he tells them maybe he doesn't but either way he comes back a lot happier and dean and cas are like 🤨🤨 but they're happy he's seemed to come out of his funk and welcome him back with open arms and make a fuss out of him and sams like :]]]]

ohhhh noooooo this is wonderful!!!!!!! poor sammy :( having all the survivors guilt come back and blaming himself for things that were SO totally out of his control (sam: i didn’t lift a finger to help him ;~; ! dean cas bobby eileen pastor murphy literally everyone else they know: you were literally like 7 what the fuck were u supposed to do???) (also he DID lift a finger to help he always tried to help and risked his dad’s wrath for it, from the time he was like 3 years old ;~;)

anyway anyway. Sam goes Searching, maybe he has to confront john again to get the answers he wants (if john is even still alive idk. regardless i dont think he’d have his inn anymore lol not w/o dean and sam to do all the work. hes probably in debtors prison or whatever.) and yeah theres def no record of what happened to get dean into john’s hands. i think i mentioned in the outside that dean has a vague memory of being pulled away from his parents while crying ;~; but yeah they sold him to john. but like its the middle ages it wasnt like formal there was no paperwork. there is no record. but! maybe sam finds out where john is through the records he can access thru pastor murphy. maybe like he sees that john had been arrested and is in some prison, so he knows where to find him. maybe they only let him in because he can be like Look I’m Important I Work With Pastor Murphy or whatever. so they let him in ans he confronts john and gets to cathartically shout at him/punch him in the face/force him to tell him where he got dean and everything he knows about dean’s parents.

so he uses this information and finally tracks down dean’s parents. and! they suck! like theyre not EVIL per say. not like john. but they still sold dean to a creep who didnt make an effort to hide how he was gonna treat dean. and theyre...really not remorseful when sam is like hey i know ur long lost kid. the dude u sold him to turned him into a child prostitute. and theyre like well thats not OUR fault! like theyre really defensive and pissy and dont have any interest in meeting dean or even hearing about him. they just want to be left to their lives.

so for a while sam is super devestated about this. i think he kind of built up this whole thing in his head where he would find dean’s family and they’d be wonderful and better than sam and sam would reunite them, thus finally making dean permanently happy and making up for the imagined guilt he carries around bc of their childhoods.

(maybe this whole thing started bc while dean has generally become very happy with his life hes still fucked up, maybe he got into a depressive funk and had like a panicked breakdown like he hadn’t in years, and sam was like whoa. this is my fault and dean still isnt actually happy i guess. maybe if i can find his Perfect Other Family he’ll be happy)

so sam makes his way home all :( sad and depressed and feeling like he failed. and then! when he gets home! he comes in and he sees :) dean being happy :) (dean and cas weren’t worried about sam being gone bc they knew he was traveling, tho they didnt know the real reason). and dean is like smiling and laughing while baking bread with cas and sam is like.... :o and then dean sees sam! and hes like :DDDDD SAMMY YOU’RE BACK!!!!! I MISSED YOU SO MUCH!!! and he runs over and gives sam a big hug and lifts him into the air even tho sam is giant at this point. and sam is like. oh. OH. he has a good family already. cas is his family. and i am his family. and we do make him happy. even if his parents were good he wouldnt want to go live with them or whatever bc he already has a happy family and home here <3 ;~; ;~; ;~;

and he doesnt tell dean where he really was or what he was doing or about his biological family bc it literally doesnt matter at all <3 <3 <3 ;~; <3 :)

[bippityboppitybibuck]

hey, yeah, what the FUCK happened this episode. i've been trying to follow along with the live blogs and its honestly just chaos

Hey anon!!!

Okay so a lot happened and a lot didn’t. And that was the problem, I’ve not been in the fandom long and honestly until about two months ago I had never heard the term bucklemming (and until two hours ago I didn't know it was two people).

However, the fandom has a long-standing issue with them because of pacing issues in their episodes and OOC writing (ie jack not giving two shits that Cas was still in the empty despite knowing about the deal and what would have happened to get him taken by it) and their absolute love of Lucifer.

So quick run down of plot, (apologies this did not stay as short as i planned)

Everyone in the world is dead, Dean tells Sam and Jack that Cas is gone and there are literally no questions asked, they go back to the bunker and a couple days have passed, Dean passes out surrounded by booze but that's pretty much all the mourning we see him do

They follow jacks ‘i feel an energy’ thing to a church but first they make a pit stop at a gas station where Dean finds a dog; Chuck then immediately kills the dog once Dean is all excited that something else survived with them

They go to the church and see Michael who tells them that Adam died in the rapture (yes what chuck did was the rapture) they head back to the bunker and Dean gets a call from Cas but its actually Lucifer at the door and he's here to fuck shit up but wait maybe he’s here to help, he pops a reaper into the bunker (her names betty) and then kills her immediately and she becomes the new death (because the first reaper to die after Death is killed takes over (which seems like a bad system considering decades might go by before a reaper is killed after a death dies but alas) no one questions what happened to all the other reapers by the way but that's not currently relevant) 

Because only death can read the death books betty starts reading chucks and after a few sentences luci kills her (rip betty 2020) luci reveals that he wasn't on their side (shocker there folks) and he and Michael duke it out, Luci dies (thankfully) and Sam starts to translate the book because not only is death the only one who can read the book but they are the only ones who can OPEN the book to meaning that the book had been sealed this whole time

Sam works out a spell and its ingredients and they (the three of them and Michael) go to the literal same place they burned Cas’ body in 13x01 because why not (btw this is not ever addressed) and set the spell up but it doesn't work

Chuck shows up and kills Michael for consorting with dean sam and jack (even tho he was still working for chuck and trying to do right by his father) and proceeds to beat the fucking shit out of dean and sam, they refuse to give in and keep standing up (on several broken limbs might i add) this goes on so long it feels like when luci was beating dean to a pulp in swan song. 

Finally they confuse chuck enough to make him turn around and jack is up and looking like he wants to fuck shit up. he ends up doing the same move to chuck as he did Michael while he was possessing rowena in s14 and chuck collapses

Dean responds to chucks comment about being a killing machine by saying “no I'm not” which we all think is a call back to Cas’ speech before he died. 

The heroes explain that jack had become a power vacuum (actual dialogue) (remember the flowers jack killed in the silo?) and that over these past days he's been absorbing the power that is let off by things, ie, luci and Michael fighting, the plants and flowers, chuck pummeling dean and sam (bc why rip off just infinity war when you can rip off the entire lore behind the black panther suit/ vibranium too)  

Chuck is left powerless after this and dean sam and jack drive off as a now human chuck essentially grovels on the ground. they head into town and jack brings back everyone who was killed by god in the previous episode and then gives a really weird speech that confirms that he is in fact the new god (and that amara is now in him and they are in harmony) but says he's gonna be hands off and legit just glows a bunch and disappears. 

Dean and sam go back to the bunker and realize they don't have to worry about chucks control on them, we get a like four min montage of the entire show and then they literally drive off into the sunset.  

some important notes, Cas was not brought back to life despite it being stated clearly in the episode that god has the power to bring angels back from the empty, no one even asks jack to do it and jack doesnt do it on his own

there is no mention of Bobby Donna Charlie Eileen or anyone else that was killed in 15x18

Sam never asks dean about cas, having apparently gotten all the info he needed in the sentence ‘cas is gone, the empty took him’ 

honestly the only plot thread wrapped in this ep was god’s and while that might seem big its not really enough like the episode was lacking in a lot of areas

Its been said that Bucklemming hates both Cas and Misha, and that they are literally obsessed with bibro (loving sam and dean equally- a fan made term to stop the sam girls and dean girls from fighting i think) and that they are really really into the whole ‘the show is about two brothers and the open road’ which the show hasn't been about since maybe season two or three 

I'm not sure if you can tell from my synopsis (Again sorry it got so long) that a lot of the characters seemed off, Jack not caring that Cas was still dead, Dean not mourning, sam not giving two shits either way, sam not caring to check in on eileen, neither of them checking in with their hunter friends, Michael switching back over to chucks side despite his actions in 15x09, the fact that no one mentioned the plot holes in the ep (by that i mean within the episode no one had questions about the things that didn't fit, like Michael never questioned how a book that could only be read by death was being decoded by Sam)

overall the episode was bad, objectively, not from a destiel shipper standpoint bad. there are many ideas floating around about 15x20 considering this episode really felt like the end of spn, people are mentioning that the relationship arcs are unfinished and that Dabb (whos writing the next one and who has written many of the quinticential destiel episodes) will save the day. Im holding out hope that 15x20 will be better (which should be too hard to achieve after that shit show) 

I'm sorry if this is a mess I'm a bit all over the place but I wanted to make sure you got even a partial answer

[shippinglover]

Favorite Supernatural Characters

Just my fav supernatural characters because I felt like it

10. Ruby

Her ‘I am awesome’ speech is amazing (Honestly one of the best villian speeches) but I liked her character and her little relationships built with the boys. I wish she stayed good as it would have been amazing development and proved that not all monsters are bad to Dean-Which is why shes so low. Still really liked her though.

9.  Bela

I dont know how popular she is in the show-But I really, really enjoyed her. It might be my bias towords Loren Cohan but I thought she was an interesting mix for the boys. She was sexually dominate, clever, and a strong fighter. I think its a shame she never came back after her first few episodes-But it was understandable that her actress found a new gig.

8.  Lucifer

Lucifer was somehow all equal parts funny, terrifying, and heartbreaking. He has this kinda cold air around him-That even when he’s smiling or joking it seems as if hes ready to just jump at your throat. But he also has nuance-He feels as if hes right and that hes not a monster-And he actually loves his fellow angels. Especially Micheal and Gabrial as well as his father. And his arc with Jack was also just very sad for my soul. I feel bad for him-But I also love to see him kick butt so. Bad guy Lucifer is just as good as Dad Lucifer.

7. Claire

Ahh, Claire. My Dean coded little bby. Shes fragile, strong, and childish all in one. Shes a kid who never got to be a full kid-Angels having taken that away from her. Her abandonment issues are very prevalent and I can relate to them. Also have the rebel character be a girl is something new to me-It usually is a guy. Shes rude, sarcastic and doesnt hold back-Also her little storyline with Kaia is just. so cute and tragic.

6. Sam

Sam is a really cool character because hes either a chaotic mess or a lawful booknerd. Theres literally no in between and I love it. His arc revolving around his rage issues in the first couple of seasons and that devloping into a blood addiction-It was really cool. As well as how his relationship with Dean gets tested time and time again-And right when you think he’ll let go of Dean or that he doesnt love him as much he proves you wrong. I really enjoy him. 

5. Meg

People just really dislike Meg in the fandom-But I really liked her a lot. I thought her enterance was badass, I liked that we had a tough female villian who wasnt afraid to have a real fight and I also liked that she was shown to get softer towords the end of her run. Her and Cas were adorable and I wish they expanded on her relationships with not only him but Sam. I think Meg deserved better honestly. I also enjoyed the way she spoke-Not just her tone, which is all kinds of hot for my gay heart-But her words. I think she was really funny.

4. Rowena

Rowena is just really great. A powerful witch who is the mother of the King of Hell-Then eventually becomes the queen of hell? What an icon. Shes adorable too with her accent. And I love her flair for the dramatics-Honestly shes just so great. Her relationship with Sam was wonderful as well-I absolutely adored it. I also liked the little soft spot she seemed to have developed for Jack-I just really liked her as a whole.

3. Dean

Dean is one of the most talked about characters so I probably dont have to go off on him. Hes complex with all kinds of trauma in him from survivals guilt to internalized homophobia to himself, to childhood abuse and so much more-Hes riddled with it all. But looking past his issues hes a parental (And Maternal) family man who just wants to goof off and help people. He’d do anything for the people he loves-To a unhealthy degree. I just really love him.

2. Jack

L o o k  a t  m y  s o n. Hes so adorable I CANT. He just wants to help people and have his dads love him okay? He’s a pure bean who has way to much on his toddler shoulders. And who else do you know that just casually becomes god after stealing his powers therefore rendering him a helpless mortal? Not a soul thats who. What a absolute king. We love to see it.

1. Cas

Listen, I’m a unashamed cas girl. I just love this dorky but badass angel. He’s loyal and can kill you with a snap of his fingers but he doesnt understand pop culture referenced much. I just really love him okay? And his struggled with faith and choosing between being a human or a ‘real’ angel and doing the most human thing by loving his found family and just. I could go on and on with him because dont even get me STARTED on this boys devlopment-

Honerable Mentions-

Kelly

Anael

Bobby

Charlie

Hannah

Kevin

Anna

[rowenashipsdestiel]

Call it head cannon or fanfic... whichever you prefer. The sun is cracking and I present a post coital moment between Dean and Cass. With extra angst.

For some reason it occured to me recently to treat every time cass and Dean are alone in the car as postcoital and see how it tracks. Tbh... it tracks well, even on some level for (plug your ears: wincest) everything (at least on a metaphoric level), pretty much. Because the car scenes are usually tending towards soft, open and vulnurable, or ie... how men often are mainly after their arousal has been sated🤷🏼‍♀️. In any event... back on track. To literally treat Dean/Cass in the car as "after sex" whenever possible.

So here I am, watching 11X23. God is dying, the sun is cracked and Dean has taken Cass on a beer run cuz hes not in tbe mood to die sober...

Now it just kinda makes sense, the world is ending and Cass has just come back from being Lucifer's vessel for the failed plan against Amara. So... if we are assuming that Dean and Cass are sexually involved (some do, some don't), either fornourpose of head cannon or fan fiction... then of course they've just done it in the back seat of the impalla. There is no way that they wouldnt have. The world is gonna end and your love just came back to you... time to say your intimate goodbyes.

So let's hop on tbe dialogue...

DEAN: *looks over at cas, back and over again* how you doing, ya good? (Checking in after sex)...*Cass doesnt respond* I mean... the whole Lucifer thing.

Cass: I was just so stupid.

Dean: No.. no..no.. you weren't stupid. You were right to let Lucifer ride shotgun. (It's ok, I'm not mad at you for 'hooking up' with Lucifer, it had to be done)... me and Sam wouldnt done that... *gives cass doe eyes*

Cass: yeah well it didnt work

Dean: no but it was our best shot. And you stepped up.

Cass: Well, I was just trying to help.

Dean: And you do help Cas. (Now dean kinda pours his heart out, showing Cass the appreciation he rarely does.) Ya know i- sometimes me and sam, we got so much going on, we forget about everyone else. (Yeah I realize I take you for granted, but i want you to know i do appreciate you, even if it doesn't seem like it.)

Cass: well you do live exciting lives (maybe feeling a bit uncomfortable with the gushiness, or just wanting to let dean off the hook.)

Dean chuckes: yeah that's one word for it. *But your always there, you know.* (and at this point he turns to look at cass. Cass glances over a bit uncomfortsbly)... Your the best friend we've ever had. You're our brother cass, I want you to know that. (Eye contact now)

Cass looks deeply touched but at the same time, maybe uncertain. Dean has been extremely intimate, but at the same time, kept some space between them. Reaffirmed him as *a brother* (now we're assuming remeber that they've just had sex, and it's not an incestuous thing. It's "you're family" but not that full acknowledgment of being the beloved.

It's a really poignant moment, and Cass looks at him a few times. And ten of course the phone rings and Sam has some news...

Moment over.

And... its season 11. We know that misha has been playing cass as *in love* with Dean for at least 2 years (cuz he said that), but likely longer. Very likely he is in love with dean (whether or not they are having sex)... the world is ending and dean has handed him this double bladed knife. The greatest compliment... but also some distancing at the same time... the push the pull...

*oh my angsty heart*

[mamusings]

Having let the 15 x 18 percolate I started to watch again s23 and ep 1-6 of 15. Basically everything available. I'd gotten tired of feeling toyed with and feeling gaslit when trying to get confirmation from reviews for what I felt I was seeing. Ita very rarely in the dialogue but just in the eye lines and symbolically sometimes in the parallel plots.

Anyway: season 14 is a joy really. The beothere have grown up. I had been dishing the endless desperate loop of I d die for you wearing thin. Sam is basically cooked. A leader in the best sense (using his intelligence and his empathy). Dean accepts it even tho it's a bit new to him not being the boss. (The dialogue on chief)

We get that recognition more explicitly here that I found in my reviews of the early seasons that these are 2 very different men but now they have a degree of comfort and space in that that eluded them. They allow each other to be.

Which brings me to my predictions. Sam may be cooked but Dean isnt. Hes still not worked out who he is and how to have what he wants (cas basically).

So is Dean in love with Cas. Absolutely, i think this has been shown in subtext much more clearly than is Cas in love with Dean (I mean romantically/sexually). With Cas we see loyalty, devotion and affection. For an angel what does love mean? I was never quite sure. Does he want an actual relationship with Dean?

Dean's easier hes clearly incredibly attracted excited fascinated by cas in the initial phase. Then you get the affection, the liking, protectiveness. High point purgatory. Also devotedness.

In later seasons we get heartbroken widower and the co-parents/husbands. Plus their fights start to look more like a bickering couple that anything else.

So I am absolutely convinced that Dean is in love with cas.

But how aware is Dean of how he feels? I think hes so scared if being rejected by cas he can barely admit this to himself. Its telling Michael doesnt know how Dean feels about Cas. Theres lots of gay couples in the background by s23 early e15. I'd say it's an indicator Dean knows hed like to be with cas. Theres been no on screen hook ups for Dean (although there are references). But what we get now is acknowledging that a large part of Dean's flirting is social behaviour rather than sexual intent. It's nice, its charming but he doesnt mean it. (Pamela). So at some level Dean knows he wants to be together with Cas. He knows what he has with Cas. (Telling John he has a family - ok that goes wider than Cas but in my view early spn is Dean trying to grown beyond his father having the white picket fence and the girl always felt like something Dean felt he should want rather than something he really did want. The relationship with lisa is framed with lots of doing the chores and proper manly chores at that)

But I do think Dean knows how he feels. We are back to him having dialogue with Sam (Jess even comes up) with that typical early destiel trope of shots of Dean where I think the implication is that Dean is thinking about the same subject matter in relation to cas.

Sam knows but I think the malak box incident re Dean shows us that Sam knows when not to push Dean. He offers opportunities to open up but he doesnt push his brother. Like I said they get each other better now. It's not like when john dies and sam is pushing and pushing for a conversation. Now as cas and Dean's relationship falls apart we get a lot of pained reaction shots from sam. Just like we sometimes get the oh just kiss already smirk in earlier seasons. Sam doesn't understand why this relationship doesnt progress but he respects both cas and dean and doesnt meddle. I think when dean comes our Sam will be pivotal support.

What's interesting is that e15 as far as I have seen it seems to mirror early spn. Dean is mirroring his father. Obsessed with revenge at all costs. Neglecting love and relationships. The brothers are regressing into their old.relationship patterns under stress of mary dying with Dean taking up his rage filled leadership.role again. But the wierd thing is the endless we dont have a choice. Its tfw they have choice, they are all about choice. In fact Cas is choice embodied. He shouldn't have choice but he does. And over the seasons since the soul consumption he has grown remarkably in handling choices. To the extent that at the end of s14 he no longer refers to Dean's choice making on Jack. That's happened before with Kelly but then it was more ambiguous cos it got Cas dead. Then it was faith, he believes I Jack. With the malak box and Jack its ethics. Cas has grown up. Right through s14 its striking how wise he is, how he draws on experience and knowledge to counsel those around him.

I think there is a sharing of power, of burden, to come. The narrative of we shoulder all this so everyone.else can live the cute life we cant will be transformed. Basically buffy final season.

Cas professing his love for Dean. And by preparing what he wants is something he cant have I think is a totally non ambiguous profession of romantic and sexual love. He has friendship with Dean, he has family. What cas thinks he cant have is more that that. So without the fear of rejection Dean's wall can come down. I'm not sure how aware he is of what he feels because Dean can ne a dumbass, but he definitely feels it. Sam knows and will help once Dean opens up. That will take a while because Dean doesnt open up easily.

And finally a comment on the crying which oddly isnt in many of the fan vids. I think jensen is a great actor when it comes to emotional crying scenes. But we should appreciate that so far we have had weeping - tear tracks slowly with big exposition or dealing with grief wiping at his eyes. Or the meltdown, high octane crying very distressed generally life or death shit with Sam and a lot of emotion. We have never seen Dean crying into his hands like that. Curled up, despairing. I think that's another indicator that Dean absolutely knows how he feels about cas.

One final thing. Cas will be back, we wont have Dean at the end of spn with6the person he loves. Either in this world.or another its gonna happen.

Another thing I suspect is that we see with jack that while cas is the great reliable advice parent he cant bond as quickly emotionally as Dean. Its Dean who, when hes minded has the talent of emotional connection in a way cas and sam dont. The fishing expedition shows us that. Dean has the most trou ped connection to Jack, hes hated him wanted him dead. But hes also the one who gets the sunlit upland of fishing. Same as cas is the one who loves unconditionally when Mary is killed. He hugs jack. So when dean is ready to love cas publicly i think it wont be a huge thing of awkward shuffling feet. It'll be Dean doing what hes good at, loving people, but doing it with cas.

Ok I've only watched til episode 6. Gonna avoid spoilers from noe on and cross my fingers. Cant wait to watch it all.

#spn #supernatural #destiel #deancas

[missjackil]

My 15x08 Opinion

Our Father Who Aren’t In Heaven

This was a pretty good episode I’ve gotta say. Some good plot twists, and surprises. They even managed to throw some interesting twists into the Sam/Eileen thing!

First, I want to say I’ve become a Donatello stan LOL I just really like that dude! He was a lot of fun this episode, being so over the Winchesters and their monster drama, and the actor was great when he was being Chuck! I could actually HEAR Chuck when he was speaking for him. Kudos old man! 

So lets move along to Sam and Eileen. Its pretty obvious the show is showing us how incompatible they are. She likes hunting alone, he likes “the buddy system” and is overprotective of her. She is being a little too bossy, IMO, Sam doesnt want no “agreement” no “if I need anything from you I’ll let you know”. This isnt how things are with him and Dean. They always have each others back even when they dont need to. They dont share a bedroom, which is good. She knocked on his door, if they had been sleeping together, she’d just walk in.

Some think she is being somewhat of a Dean parallel, but I dont think so. It seems to be its own thing. Sam and Dean don't like not knowing where the other is, they always prefer hunting together, but when theyve been separated, they keep tabs on each other. Eileen didnt look very happy staying in the background while they guys did the fun stuff. A very obvious tell was when the woman on facetime said: “Do you need permission??” and Eileen just defiantly told her to send her the address. She did go tell Sam but made it clear that shes too independent for the Winchester co-dependency. If she survives next episode, I think theyre going to agree to go their separate ways. People can make good friends, but a lousy couple. Im glad theyre not making either of them bad or creepy, like control freak stalker or anything, but they dont make a good team at all.

Now for Dean.  Dean bruh, you have me concerned. I know you want Sammy to be happy and you want to be supportive. I appreciate that, but you seem a little forced in your enthusiasm like you’re being supportive because its the right thing to do, not because your heart is in it, but Sam has now told you twice that its not like that, its not for him, so why are you pushing? I fear that you feel like you will die soon and just want Sam to be happy and taken care of. I hope you know by now, Sam is never going to be happy in a world that you're not in. 

Rowena is back !!! I am so happy shes the Queen!! That’s some great closure for both Sam and the audience to know that even though she went to Hell, she couldnt be happier. Somewhere Crowley is smiling :)

My friend and I thought it odd though that she had Sam leave the room to lecture Dean and Cas to stop squabbling, but the more I think about it, the more I think Sam doesnt really know theyre squabbling, because if he did, hed be telling them to knock it off like always. I think Sam is being given a pass to not have to deal with it this time. 

Now the best for last! Adam/Michael. How great was that?? Wow I am SO impressed with Jake’s acting and how well written that story was. Im glad that this Michael isnt as douchey as AU Michael. This one seems more like the Michael that possessed young john in s5. Adam didnt do anything wrong to Michael so Im not surprised that they became friends. There was a short uncomfortable exchange between Mike and Sam about the cage, but it wasnt very telling. I have always wondered why Sam never acknowledged that Mike tortured him, or even that he was in the cage with him and Lucifer, once he had his soul back. It made me wonder if Mike went insane quickly and didnt bother with Sam? Maybe there were separate cages? I dont know, but Sam has never spoken about him so I dont believe Mike ever tortured Sam. Sam did look a bit angry or resentful, so I think maybe Michael didnt help him, thus making Sam resentful... but “it doesnt matter” as Sam would say.

I liked Dean’s apology and It looks like both Mike and Adam accepted it. That was a very good tying up of a loose end. 

Now we can suffer through a month of hiatus till we see what all Chuck is showing Sam in the visions. As we see him kissing Eileen, even though its a future event Sam doesnt seem like Sam.... he seems more like a dark Sam. But I guess we’ll see.

So overall this was a good episode. Maybe not as big of a cliff hanger Id hope for the final season but it was still good. So on a scale of Bloodlines to Lebanon Ill give this a strong 7.5. No real complaints other than Sam and Eileen have gone on too long. 

[geekout-f-t-w]

SAM FEELS AHEAD

So this episode was funny and incredible and hilarious but also heart breaking in a lot of ways for me as a Sam-POV watcher of SPN. So here we go.

I was never party to the whole get the AU hunters out of the bunker line of thought like a lot of people. Sure, they didn’t really serve an immediate “purpose” but that wasn’t the point of them being there, imo.

See, Sam, when he’s confronted with a loss or a crap load of stress, he works to keep his mind off it. He works cases and he hunts and he focuses on something(ie revenge) to keep himself moving forward and he does his best to not think about it. We’ve seen this many times, even as far back as Mystery Spot, Sam doing nothing but slaughtering monsters on his way across the country with the sole goal of killing the Trickster.

At the end of S13, Sam suffered a huge blow, losing Dean to Michael, but unlike every other time when all Sam’s had was Cas and a bottle of whiskey, when Sam got back to the bunker with a wounded Jack he was suddenly surrounded by a group of hunters, and every single one of them was looking to him for guidance in what to do in this new world. So Sam did what he’s always done- he goes to work, but this time not on borderline suicidal solo hunts, but instead as the leader of these people. He steps up and takes on the mantle of being their “Chief”, a general leading his troops into battle, as it were. He’s able to keep pushing on, to keep going and not give up hope on Dean, because he has this group of hunters looking to him for instructions.

Sam doesn’t get to close off, to go off alone and take risks to let the adrenaline and the fighting help blind him to his own pain, or worse help him succumb to it. It’s not that he dealt with his anger and grief, or that he gave up his obsession, we saw that in 14.01 with the convo between him and Mary, but he was able to find a way to work with it in a much more productive way— leading the hunters.

So yeah, for me, I was glad they were there. Sure, from the standpoint of value to the story of the show, other than Maggie there’s really nothing any of them do to “contribute” as it were. But they weren’t in the show for us, they were there for Sam. His character needed them to latch onto just so he could barely manage to keep going, and the writers knowing that about Sam makes me happy.

Moving on to 14.14, and Sam losing all of them. At once. Right in front of him. He helped train these people, took them in, worked with them in the trenches. They formed a bond of commander to his soldiers, fighting together over the months. Sam brought them back in to help when they were hunting the gorgon, Sam believes he’s the reason they were all in the bunker that day, when Michael finally broke out and killed them all. Imagine Sam watching Maggie’s death, and harkening back to the guilt he felt for Kevin’s similar death.

So moving on to 14.15. Sam internalizes everything. He feels everything deeply and strongly but he bottles it up. He keeps it in until it explodes in either self destruction or fiery anger. He doesn’t really talk to Dean about it, nor does he talk to Cas. Rowena’s gotten the closest but he’s even closed off to her. It’s probably lingering from his childhood, not wanting to seem like the “whiny younger brother” to Dean, but Sam hunting like crazy just to keep his brain busy is literally textbook Sam. Bringing up that “they don’t have as many hunters as they used to”... yeah, sure Sam, you’re totally ok.

Sam carries guilt around forever, and even when he gets the chance to unload (08.23) he never really loses that weight on his shoulders. And this is just another weight to carry, another round of deaths he feels responsible for. So when psychic old guy touches his brain, and makes him forget who he is? Sam, trainer hunter who’s been possessed many times and knows the signs, DOESNT FIGHT BACK. It didn’t hit me until after the episode, but a dude ‘waking up’ because of a cell phone? Sam should have broken free easier than he did. But he didn’t. Maybe he wasn’t aware, maybe the psychic was stronger than we thought, but honestly I think that subconsciously, Sam didn’t feel that weight anymore, and he didn’t want to. He needed a break, from the guilt, from Jack’s problem, from everything, and turning into Justin with all his blissful ignorance gave him that. Even if he knew it wasn’t real it was relief.

When he gets back to the bunker, it all settles in again, but he admits it. He says it out loud: “I hate this place right now.” He’s all prepared to make his case to Dean, to argue or to have to explain, but Dean just acknowledges what Sam says, he just says “okay”. Sam’s face after that, the way he seemed almost surprised Dean wasn’t asking for more of an explanation, was a beautiful moment for Sam because he’s realizing that his brother understands. Dean isn’t going to judge him, or try to make him feel better, not anymore. He’s going to give Sam his space, he’s going to be there and acknowledge Sam’s pain and struggles with this, but he’s going to let Sam address it on his own terms.

Anyway this rambled and its hella longer than I thought it would end up being so if you read all the way to the end of this thank you for letting me feel my Sam feels 🧡🧡

[coinofstone]

Mint Condition 14x04

If you follow me on the tweety you’ll know that I made a pathetic attempt at a full season re-watch starting in like… September. I got as far as the end of S5 before S15 began, but given my severe case of swiss cheese brain I decided to pause the full series re-watch there and pick up at 14x01. I figured it’ll be faster to get through S14 for a refresher and then go back to S6. Shut up my logic makes sense to me.  ANYwho, Mint Condition is probably my second favorite episode of S14 and definitely an overall series stand out for me - even tho I did have terrible nightmares after the first time I watched it. That fuckin dummy was goddamn terrifying and my subconscious was REALLY GODDAMNED SURE he was going to kill me in my sleep. I’m happy to report i had zero issues sleeping after watching it this time. :) Altho watch I just jinxed myself, since I am gonna watch again as I write this to pull quotes and screens.  You can tell I’ve been looking up recipes cuz theres a massive intro nobody gives a shit about before I get to the point of the post. NEVER FEAR! The good bits are under the cut. 

Let me just start by pointing out that while I do believe that Stuart is a mirror for Cas, The whole toxic fanboy/incel/chan troll shtick isnt reflective of Cas as a person in the way we (I) would normally judge someone like that.  I’m not sure if it’s because Davy actually sympathizes with and sees no harms in humanizing those people, or if it was for the fun of playing with a character like that, but there certainly are some parallels there - in the sense that even within his own community he’s  a misfit, rebellious, and argumentative. either way, the trench coat is pretty damning. 

Girl Sam comments that the store had been left to her and Dirk, but Stuart had been fired twice, the previous owner kept catching him stealing. But they hired him back because “he’s my friend”. That forgiveness, Stuart’s bad choices and lack of ‘impulse control’ it’s all reflective of Cas, even though it paints Cas in an unnecessarily negative light, on the surface it’s arguable but not entirely wrong. When Stuart pulls out the Panthro toy, his response is: “so angry, so handsome” and damn if that doesnt describe Dean lol.The fact that the first thing we see him do is steal this handsome, angry figure from the place it was sent is just another Dean detail. 

Hey you know who else got stabbed in the gut like that and almost died?

These two are the strongest mirror in the ep. Bonding over candy, shared fashion sense and a love of horror flicks, Dirk tells Dean (those names) that he wants to ‘watch over’ Stuart while he is unconscious, and that despite his rough edges, Stuart has been there for him, giving him a place to crash and escape his shitty father. Which, I mean, this is heavy handed as fuck, presumably to make sure the GA doesn’t miss it, but seriously all this kid needs is an American classic muscle car and a love of Led Zeppelin. 

This where I 

curse my inability to gif because it’s the sublest of moments here but when Dirk asks Dean which of the All Saints Day movies is his favorite, Dean throws a quick glance over his shoulder, as if to make sure nobody is listening. He’s so used to hiding this side of himself, the nerd, the fanboy, that even though he’s a grown ass man that regularly kills supernatural evils, he instinctively looks around real quick to make sure he won’t get caught having this conversation. It’s heartbreaking, and I think, attributable entirely to Jensen - but that’s entirely spec on my part. He does this three times in this scene, before finally getting comfortable and enjoying Dirk’s company. Jesus you’d think he was engaging in some kind of elicit trade the way he’s got his head on a swivel. Poor thing. 

“growing up it was always nice to check out for while… I like to watch movies where I know the bad guys’s gonna lose.” Dean’s preferred method of escapism is relatable, sure, but  he’s also point blank telling us right here, WHY he’s been hiding out in his room watching these movies, he’s self-soothing. He’s just revealed that he was awake and drowning the entire time he was possessed by Michael, he doesn’t know why he was ‘released’ but he knows he came home to find a ‘house full of strangers’. The fact that his self care at this point is pizza, beer and movies the way he did as a kid rather than cheap whiskey, the way we’ve seen him do as an adult, probably speaks volumes to how actually affected he really is.  

Dean being the one to wrestle with the father figure - the owner of the store who taught them everything they know before his death, leaving them the business to run and then possessing the lifesize figure of a mechanic who’d been literally burned in order to get revenge on the one who’d been stealing from them - I hate the idea of a John vs Cas parallel and I don’t think it was intended to go that deep, but there’s no denying a paralell between the ghost of Jordan and John.  

The thread on these two, in my opinion, is a little thin. Beyond the ‘ha ha Sam’s a girl’ joke, and their shared science nerd bit here, the main thing really is that even though the store was left to Sam AND Dirk, it seems like Sam is the defacto leader. She’s the one we see dealing with the incoming delivery, she’s the one behind the counter, and she’s the one who called Stuart to call him out on their one star yelp review. At this point in the season, Sam Winchester is the defacto leader of the new hunter collective he’s inadvertently assembled by way of rescue hunters from Apocalypse World. She also demonstrates Sam’s usual ‘lore’ skills, figuring out that it’s the keys that the ghost is most likely tied to, and finding a chemical in the morgue to use as an accelerant to help rescue Dean. That’s literally all I’ve got on them two. 

This is random, but the significance of that poster has been bugging me since the live airing of this ep. I do not understand that reference and it’s driving me bonkers, so if anyone does, PLEASE TELL ME. 

🙃 I really hope I don’t have nightmares tonight. That mask on the dummy is fucking horrible. 

[spootiliousrps]

Suspicious Nature Part 3

[Beginning] // [Previous] // [Next]

Dean nodded and followed the Omega, into the small room. He eyes kept on Castiel to ensure he didn’t wake up. “Gabriel is it? Will you do your King a favour and tell me where the Knight Commander’s private quarters are?” Dean asked, looking down upon the small Omega, who barely came up to his chest.

Gabriel shut the door behind them quickly, peering through the key hole to ensure the Alpha that had chased him continued on, chuckling to himself. It wasnt until Dean spoke that Gabriel's attention shifted, eyeing both him and Cas. "Honestly I rather do Cassie, here the solid and avoid you going anywhere near his rooms." The Omega replied, no hint of the usual groveling respect that commoners showed the King. "He told me all about you, ya know. Really screwed the pooch on that one, didnt ya Deano." Gabriel commented moving forward to obviously check that his friend was alright.

“Frankly, I don’t care about want you would rather do.” Dean stated. “What I do care about is how a common Omega managed to get into the private area, reserved for soldiers. You aren’t you, clearly. And even if you had managed to slip past all other officials, you contract is terminated immediately. So, take me to the Knight Commander’s room, or I will ensure you live to regret it.” Dean stated, keeping the sleeping Omega in his arms.

Gabriel's brow arched at that though he didnt seem angry or annoyed. "What, like throwing me in prison? From what Cassie told me you've already threatened that once. Besides I dont have a contract to terminate. I'm an Omega the only thing I'm allowed to do in this boring place is laundry and cooking. I'll pass thanks." He pointed out before giving a scoff. "Typical Alpha," He grumbled under his breath as he moved to poke his head out the door and glanced down the hall to make sure no one would see them. "Always throwing weight around... making threats." He huffed to himself before pushing open the door. "Well, come on then." He instructed the King. "I may not be afraid of you but if Cas finds out I did help I'll never hear the end of it."

“First you did break the law. You /should/ be in jail. And it’s not like I don’t have much weight to throw around. I am King. And you have no idea what we’re discussed or planning on doing today, Omega, so if I were you I would keep your trap shut on issues you don’t fully understand.” Dean stated. He walked past Gabriel and through the door, without looking at him.

Gabriel followed after without a moment's hesitation. "First off, I have a name and it's not Omega!" He snapped. "Secondly I havent broken any law that you can prove besides not groveling at you! I live here with Cas." He countered as they entered the small office before hurrying over to produce a key and unlocking the Knight Commander's quarters. The man in question, shifted as Gabriel's voice rose, curling into Dean a bit more allowing a small grumble to escape him.

“If you live with Castiel then there is proof you know his secret. You even admitted to talking about the consequences, /Omega/.” Dean said calmly. He looked down at Castiel in his arms As he moved and raised and eyebrow at the Omega. “I don’t he’s liking your tone of voice.” He stated simply.

Gabriel considered that a moment as pushed open the door, Castiel's heavy scent engulfing them as they entered. "You got me there Deano." He shrugged. "But how do you know Cassie just doesnt like /your/ tone?" He argued childishly moving to pull back the covers on the bed. "Let's just make one thing clear... King or not... you hurt my brother and I'll make you wish you were dead." He warned giving a feral warning growl which was a bit strange coming from such a small omega.

“I know it’s you, Omega, but you were talking when he flinched, you are the one arguing, whilst I am remaining calm, and he flinched towards me and away from you, not the other way around.” Dean explained calmly and softly. He laid the Commander down in his bed, both his and Castiel’s cloaks wrapped around him. “You can tell him whatever you wish, but I will have the guards sign that they didn’t see or hear me be malicious to either of you. The guards under his control.” Dean smiled.

Gabriel’s glare darkened. “I didn’t plan on claiming otherwise but I wasn’t talking about today.” Gabriel pointed out. “Sounds like you have a guilty conscious there Dean-o. Maybe you should get it in check.” The small man growled before kicking off his boots and making a show of him crawling into bed with the Omega. It was obvious he was trying to piss Dean off. A ‘Haha I can be in his bed but you can’t’ grin plastered on his face as he wrapped his arms around the larger Omega.

“I don’t have a guilty conscious, I just don’t trust you.” Dean stated softly. He left the room without another word and headed back to his office. To continue on with his workload.

“The feeling is mutual Asshole!” Gabriel called after him in a harsh whisper before getting a bit more comfortable in case the Alpha decided to come back. He really didn’t see why Cas was taken with the guy though it was obvious every time he spoke of him.

The next day, after not a lot of sleep, Dean sent a letter out to Castiel, asking for him to meet with him at the soonest available opportunity. He continued to work in his office, with a considerable less about of paperwork to get through than the day before. His mind kept reliving the past conversation with Gabriel, surely that hate and disrespect didn’t come from one night’s conversation with Castiel. Was it because he was an Alpha and Gabriel was an Omega, would that hate lessen, if he understood what legislation and laws he is wanting to put in place? Or was it another reason why Gabriel hated Dean.

Castiel slept late into the night, only waking when Gabriel brought in the usual over sized breakfast that Cas only picked at while the smaller Omega devoured the rest. A realization of what had transpired had the Knight Commander flushing with embarrassment, but he didn’t mention it to his brother or anyone else for that matter and as for Gabriel… He didn’t speak a word about the King, too curious to see how it would all pan out. So, Cas ate, washed and changed, still not donning the armor of the Knight Commander which would probably make the men worry but he supposed it was for the best. By the time the letter reached him, the Knight Commander was almost through his rounds. He dismissed his men and made a B line for the King’s office; this time, the Man in Waiting didn’t hesitate to push open the doors and announce his arrival.

“You wished to see me Sire?” Cas asked as he moved around the other man and into the room.

Dean nodded and looked up from the paperwork he was reading. “I thought we could find off that discussion we didn’t have yesterday.” He suggested, offering Castiel the seat he occupied yesterday. “I do hope your brother didn’t make up too many wildly incorrect stories about what happened whilst you slept.” Dean said softly as he dismissed the guard.

Castiel moved to the chair before pausing at the words, brows furrowing. “My brother?” He mumbled before realization his him and he tensed. “Gabriel…” He sighed. “I hadn’t realized the two of you met. However he acted… Whatever he said Sire… I assure you I will have a discussion with him. There is no need for any further worry. I will handle his punishment myself, I give you my word.” He rushed obviously worried that whatever the King planned was very severe and far too harsh.

“Oh no no. I believe that stopping him from annoying the other Alphas should do right.” Dean explained. “But I do have a question about him, if you’ll indulge me?” He asked, “his general... annoyance at me surely doesn’t just stem from your discussion the previous night, so I was curious as to why he acts like that.”

Cas seemed to relax a bit at that, though his brows furrowed as he considered the question. “I couldn’t say, Sire… Gabriel has always been a bit… brash towards Alphas… Unless he was sleeping with them.” He shrugged. “But he’s never been as hostile as if your words imply. Perhaps he is simply being over protective. He /has/ played the role as my Omega for quite some time now.” He shrugged, obviously at a loss for any real answer.  

Dean nodded, believing Castiel. “That’s fine. I understand.” He said softly. “I hope you did sleep well last night though, you did seem very... almost delirious before you fell asleep. Can you remember any of it?” He asked.

Castiel’s flush deepened In his embarrassment. “Some.” He acknowledged. “I apologize immensely for bring so improper, Your Majesty.” He rushed. “I can not believe I feel asleep in the middle of our discussion. It will not happen again I assure you.”

“Oh do not worry, Castiel, I have been tempted to do it before now, myself.” Dean smiled. “Do you remember what we were discussing, or will I need to go over it with you? I just do not wish to have your... knowledge lacking in any areas.” Dean explained softly. His hands resting on the table, where Castiel could see them as he leaned back in his chair.

"Yes of course, Sire." He nodded as he considered it a moment. "We were discussing proper attire and terms used during events and in private when becoming your Royal Aide." He offered simply.

Dean nodded and smiled. “You were so delirious I wondered if you had remembered.” Dean tapped his finger on his desk before laying out the files on the potential new Commanders. “Which ones would you say are the best for the role? I know I have ones that I would say are the best, but I wish for your opinions first.” Dean explained.

Cas gave another nod before stepping forward to glance down at the papers. “I would say that there are really only three that stand out more than the others. “Raphael is a strong soldier, he does very well when it comes to fortification and defensive tactics though his offensive strategies are above average, they still need improvements. I have been tutoring him for some time now and there are some improvements though he has a difficult time making sacrifices for tactical advantage. Then there is Azra’il whose battle tactics are a bit… aggressive but effective. The men respect him and he is loyal. He prefers to fight among his men rather than oversee them. It is not a traditional leadership but it strengths the bond between them and causes him to become more reserved when there is a potential of losing men. His tactics are sound and he is a hard worker. Finally, Zerachiel, my second in command he knows the men and the city backwards and forwards. In a simulated environment his tactics are flawless, he’s quick to come to decisions and is ruthless when solving a problem. It is possible he could make a fine Knight Commander he is young though and has never seen a real battle. I am unsure the seasoned soldiers would follow someone such as that… Not until they see how he faces bloodshed.” Cas explained. “That being said, any man on this list would make a fine replacement, Sire.”

“I was leaning to Zerachiel, but as you said, he’s never seen bloodshed. But I do like Azra’s leading style. It could improve the moral of the men, through the difficult adjustment period.” Dean added. “Though, as you know them to best, I will follow your better judgement between Zerachiel and Azra.”

“If I may, Sire…” Cas offered. “I would suggest promoting them both. Azra’il taking the title of Knight Commander whith Zerachiel as his advisor and second. Zerachiel may not be fond of the idea of remaining second but he would be satisfied with the notion that he still has power over the pieces on the board and can prove to be a heavy counterweight to Azra’il eagerness.” He explained. “It also allows Azra’il to free more time for training with the troops while Zerachiel focuses on the more scholarly aspects of the position; and gives Zerachiel a more aggressive counterpart to push him to earn the respect of his soldiers.” Cas explained.

Dean nodded and smiled. “I’ll have my brother draw up the contract for both men. I knew you would be wise enough to become my Aide. And the Aide you are replacing will be honoured to have such a wise man take up his mantle.” Dean smiled. “I will also have my brother draft up a contract for yourself first, to read and change as you see hit. I don’t believe there’s ever been an Omega Aide before, so some of it may be... uncomfortable or inapplicable to you.” Dean explained.

“I have been viewed as an Alpha for a long time, Sire; there is not much in the way of an Alpha’s role that is ‘uncomfortable’ to me any longer.” He replied before hesitating. “Though… I would like to address my men as soon as possible. Since I am no longer allowed the herbs I’ve been using to suppress my nature I fear that if we wait much longer there could be a few… unsavory issues. I know you are busy, Your Grace, but perhaps you could spare a bit of time this evening?”

“Of course I can.” Dean nodded. “Come by here when you are ready and I shall be waiting to go down with you. I know you feel like you don’t need a chaperone, but I know how Alphas will feel if they find out an Omega has been lying to them. That an Omega was in charge. The situation may become hostile... so I’ll use my presence to keep them from doing anything reckless.” Dean explained.

Cas pursed his lips obviously still not liking the idea, though for a different reason than before. It was his duty to protect the King and now he was the reason the man would be put in a potentially unfavorable situation. He supposed he would just have to station more guards in the King’s entourage. “Of course, Your Majesty.” He acknowledged with a small bow. “Do I have your permission to discuss the promotion with the two men in question? With the confusion that will no doubt be imminent I feel it may be necessary to warn them both of their new responsibilities. I, of course, will not provide any unnecessary information until after the address.” He offered, meaning there was no need for them to know of his status before the others, just that he was stepping down.  

“Of course you may, Castiel. At your addressing this evening, would you like to explain your replacements then or at a later date?” Dean asked, wanting to know the Omega’s thought process of the situations. It may make some angrier, but it’s also better to do it all in one go that twice.” Dean suggested.

“I would agree, Sire. Announcing the promotions would be wise.” He acknowledged. “At the very least it would give the two the authority needed to minimize the chaos.” He offered.

“Yes.” Dean agreed. “That settles it.” He puts the documents neatly away in a cabinet and turns back to Castiel, “is there anything else you would like to ask me? Maybe not as a friend, maybe not as your King, but as an acquaintance. Anything at all?” Dean asked

Castiel hesitated, obviously having something on his mind but not quite knowing how the King would respond. "Yes, Si-" He began before realizing he was using the man's title and stopping himself. "Dean." He corrected averting his gaze and flushing slightly. "A favor... About Gabriel... Please dont hold his behavior against him. It is my fault really for protecting him so thoroughly. He is a good man... who has been through a lot. I'm afraid he simply doesnt know better. I assure that I will ensure this is rectified before my transition to Royal Aide... I would like him to remain by my side if you would allow... As an aid of sorts."

“Castiel, He... threatened me. As the person I am, I didn’t take it seriously, but to him it was serious. I cannot trust him, with... the way he speaks, and behaves. He stole another Alpha’s clothes.” Dean explained. “I-” he shook his head as he thought. “He can still live with you, but he cannot know about the work you are doing. I am sorry, Castiel, but I have to think about the sensitive data you will be handling, I just can’t trust him with it.” He explained softly

Cas straightened looking shocked. "He threatened you?" He growled for once looking the part of an Alpha only briefly before he managed to reign himself in. Gabriel was lucky be was still alive after such treason. "O-of course, Sire. A wise decision in light of your interactions. Perhaps a simple role as a palace servant would be more appropriate? Maybe in the kitchens where he cant cause much trouble. He is quite a skilled Baker. As for the clothes... well there are a few Alphas in the barracks that are in a bit of a prank war with my brother... I assure you it's nothing to worry about. But if you would prefer I can put an end to it."

“That is a wise choice, Castiel. But no, if the pranking is consensual, then I see no reason to halt it.” Dean explained. “Plus if we put him to work in the kitchens, he may slow down on the pranking.” Dean hummed, and tapped his desk, in thought. “May I ask you a question?”

Cas blinked in surprise that the man would even bother with the request. "Of course, your majesty." He shrugged.

“I keep calling you, Castiel, but is there a name you prefer, I noticed your brother called you Cassie a lot. But then he was calling me Deano.” Dean asked. Trying not to let his annoyance creep into his voice. “Is there a name you prefer to be called?” Dean asked softly.

That was an… unusual question. No one had ever really bothered to ask him that question before. “No, Sire.” He admitted honestly. “You may call me whatever you wish. Though… I would prefer it isn’t ‘Cassie’.” He added, nose wrinkling in disgust.

Dean chuckles. “How about I call you Cas?” He asks. “I’ve always had an aversion to long names, unless it’s my brother Sammy.” He smiles. “Just one last question and then you can ask me anything you’d like. Have you given our arrangement for a date any more consideration?”

“That is acceptable, Your Majesty.” Cas offered with a small bow. With the second question however he seemed to pause in consideration. “I have… thought about it… However, to be honest I have been quite busy with the change of command. After the address this evening, however, I suppose I will have plenty of free time.” He offered.

“I understand, Cas. Tonight think about it and get some rest. I’ve asked for the rest of the week off so I won’t get any more paperwork, so until Sunday, I will be teaching you the role of the Royal Aide of the Cavalry, if that is suitable for you.” Dean explained. “And then on Sunday, I shall teach you... the rules of... eloquence, for the meal that evening where I shall introduce you as our newest Aide and the old one will officially step down.” Dean explained. “Is that suitable for you?”

“That is most gracious of you, Sire.” Cas acknowledged. “That is more than adequate time for the transition. I look forward to meeting everyone and learning of my duties. I hope to be as much of service as I have in the past.” He nodded before hesitating. “As well as spending more time with His Majesty.” He added, flushing slightly but managing to keep his expression even.

Dean raised an eyebrow at the Omega, but didn’t press. “Would you like to ask me anything else?” He asked. “About my policies I’m wishing to implement, or about my personal life. Anything at all.” He offered. “And remember not every Aide or Commander will get the opportunity to ask me anything so openly.”

“No, Sire; though I do appreciate the opportunity.” He acknowledged. “I’m sure there will be plenty of time to learn everything I’d need in the coming weeks.” He offered. “I fear that if we are to prepare for the address in time that I must being going shortly however.”

“Of course,” Dean nodded. “And if you wish to speak to another Omega about anything... Royal, then Sammy’s wife, Meg, is happy to discuss and help you.” He offered. “I know sometimes it’s just easier for an Omega to speak with another Omega.”

That had Cas hesitating once more. “Of course, Sire. Thank you.” He acknowledged with a bow. “If you’ll excuse me there is much to be done.” He mumbled before turning to go.

Dean nodded and watched the Omega go before preparing some material to help Cas transition into his new role. He thought about how much more calmer Cas was when around him today compared to yesterday. He tried to work out what he had done differently, but apart from being calmer and less forthright, he wasn’t sure.

Cas spent the rest of the day in meetings and managing paperwork to prepare for the transition; sending messengers out with orders and information about the address later in the evening. Everything seemed to be going well enough aside from the meeting with the two that were to be his successors. Naturally, they were upset with the news that Castiel would be stepping down from Command and had many questions but the Omega had some how managed to avoid answering them, ensuring them they would have their answers during the address. Soon enough, Cas stood in front of the King’s Office, dressed in his regal armor for the last time, helmet tucked under his arm as he waited for the Alpha.

[Beginning] // [Previous] // [Next]

[samwinchesterisourhero]

Sam WInchester: The Reluctant Hero

When we wonder in frustration, as to why Sam seems to suffer more than Dean does, instead of being angry at a narative bias, or assuming the show runners hate Sam, take into consideration that Sam and Dean, though equally heroic, are different types of heros  Dean is a willing hero. He has been proud of his job as a hunter since he was young, even if sometimes he was bored with it, or would have liked to persue a career as a machanic. From what we see in flash backs, Dean was boasting “Im a hero!” since high school, where Sam just wanted to be like every other kid.  Sam’s first choice in life is not to be a hero. Not directly anyway. He was studying to become a lawyer.  Azazel said he was becoming a Tax Attorney, but Dean saw him as a Criminal Justice Attorney in What is and What Should Never Be, which I think is more fitting for Sam. The indirect hero that would get justice for the victims. He would make a wonderful psycholigist also. Dean would be a very good cop, or soldier, or first responder.  This is not to say Sam wouldnt run into a burning building to save a family, he most certainly would, but his interests seem to lie mostly in long term after care. So for Sam to be in the front line with Dean, is something he does because its the right thing, not because it’s his chosen life path (early life anyway. he has stated in his later life that he did chose this life for himself) and this makes him a reluctant hero. The problem with that though, is that in literature, the reluctant hero always suffers the most. 

Its no argument that Dean suffers too. Both brothers have broken my heart on many occasions, but Sam’s suffering over any event, stretches far past the season he suffers it in. This is so we, the viewers, have an idea as to how much of a hardship Sam is willing to endure to save Dean and to save the world.  Sam and Dean both willingly went to Hell, but their experiences were greatly different, and unfolded on the show wildly unbalanced. Dean sold his soul for Sam, so Sam would live. He didnt want to go to Hell, but he did it willingly. in Dream a Little Dream, Dean said to his dream self, that he didnt deserve to go to Hell, and even though he made the choice on his own, I think we all feel like it’s a horrible punishment for a guy who just wanted his little brother to live. I know I hoped they could find a way to get him out of the deal, but unfortunately, he didnt. He stayed in Hell for 4 months, or 40 hell years. He was tortured by Alistair for 30 years until he became a torturer himself. Cas raised him out of Hell, completely whole, even old scars were gone, but we didnt know for a while that the memories were haunting him. How did we find out? Because he told Sam. He tearfully confessed to Sam on more than one occasion, what happened, what he did, what it felt like at the time and how it was hurting him then. What came of it is that he got to confront his torturer, and even though he couldnt kill him himelf, Sam killed him for him. Dean got justice.  Sam on the other hand, also willingly went to Hell to save the world, but he felt like he was mainly at fault for breaking the world in the first place, when it was expressed that it wasn’t only him, and he was completely unknowingly breaking it when he did. He obviously didnt want to go to Hell, but he felt it was the right thing to do. What he got for that though, was his soul in Hell, canonically, for 1.5 years, 180 Hell years. He was torured by Lucifer himself in the most brutal ways imaginable. Cas raised his body, soon after he went to the pit, but we arent given an exact amount of time, whether it be an hour or so, or a few weeks, we just know he was physically out for the majority of the year, but I can’t imagine 10 minutes in the cage with Lucifer is a picnic. However, he came back incomplete, without his soul, which endured unimaginable torture. If that’s not enough, while soulless, Sam did things he wasn’t proud of when he got his soul back, and suffered with this, Once he got his memories of Hell back, a whole new level of suffering began.  How was this handled? To our knowledge, he never told anyone the details of his Hell tour. All we know about it, was shown in flash backs and hallucinations, that ended up driving Sam insane. Sam was “fixed” by Cas, by simply shifting the pain to himself, not by Sam talking about it, or confronting his torturer, or anyone killing Lucifer.  Sam didnt get justice in any sense, and he still carries all of this with him. He has even had to work along side Lucifer to try to stop Amara. No one even brought this up, even though Sam had very recently been back to the cage and had to face Lucifer and the trauma all over again.  Season 13 and still Sam hasn’t been given justice or seen closure when Dean’s was answered in only a few episodes. How can we not see the imballance? Well, when we look at it as Sam is the long suffering Reluctant Hero, suck as it may, it makes more sense. It plays into the narrative that the pain piles on Sam, and Sam stuffs it down. We ourselves may forget this happens, if the show itself didn’t bring it up.  The case of Tracy Bell for example. A girl that pops up out of nowhere in 9x2 for no reason than to remind Sam that he let Lucifer out and people got killed. I know a bunch of you blame the writers of the episode for that, as though they hate Sam or Jared, but that was part of the Gardreel story. Something that the producers must have told the writers they wanted. “Bring something painful up from Sam’s past, so that when he feels good at the end of the episode, we can be reminded that theres an Angel healing him from the inside” is probably close to what was said in the meeting. We the viewers need to be reminded that Sam never lets things go, at the same time as he never really speaks of them either.  It took 13 seasons, but Dean confirms for us in 13x4 that Sam doesnt admit things or it makes them real, and then he has to deal with it. Sam even confirms it himself in 12X3 when he says he knows Mom is burying herself in hunting instead of dealing, through years of personal experience. Now that we understand this is part of Sam’s character, we can better understand why we dont get to see his emotional POV very often, and his traumas rarely get worked out.  The differences between Sam being the reluctant hero, and Dean being the willing hero, manifest in many ways.  Dean gets very antsy if its been a few days that they havent had a hunt to go on. Sam however, is content to stay home researching. Their short time of trying to live a domestic life with their girlfriends shows reluctant vs willing also. While Sam was with Amelia, he had nothing to do with hunting except reading the news paper and believing other hunters were taking care of things. He refused to tell Amelia about that part of his life. Dean didnt hunt, but he kept it at arms reach. He kept devils traps in the door ways, a rosary in water under the bed and a gun nearby, and he let Lisa know all about that part of his life, and even tried to live it and maintain a life with her.  Dean is the kind of guy who will show you every scar and tell you the details of how he got it, while Sam will hide his scars. Dean suffers when innocent life is lost, but he holds on to the fact that he’s saved more people than he’s hurt and it can help him make it day to day. Sam feels like he failed if he didnt save someone. This is precicely why Sam suffers the burdens of his wrongs for years,  and Dean doesnt. Dean did a lot of crap while he had the MoC but he hasnt had to visibly suffer from it after the fact. Sam however, is reminded of his poor choices for seasons after the fact. Now since its not a matter of Sam goes to jail for things and Dean doesn’t, we only need to realize its part of maintaining a character trait for us, so we dont forget that Sam never forgives himself and suffers for years over what he considers failures.  Now, this willingness vs reluctance shows in their relationship also. Im not going to try to prove one loves the other more, because I am convinced that Dean is #1 in Sam’s world and Sam is #1 in Dean’s world and they love each other as much as any two people can love each other (to steal from the mouth of JP) they both take care of each other, and neither had to be told to do so. Even when Sam was too little to actually take care of Dean, he still did the best he could by wanting to be with him, and giving him gifts. Dean didnt have to learn 100 ways to make mac and cheese, he did it because he wanted to make Sam happy. That being said, lets move on… Sam’s reluctance in their relationship, isnt that he loves Dean less, or doesn’t want to protect him, but his biggest fear is letting Dean down. He can save Dean’s life a million times but considers himself a failure if he let Dean down. Dean’s biggest fear however is Sam dying. He can let Sam down, he can piss him off, but if Sam isnt alive and well, Dean considers himself a failure. When Sam assumed Dean was dead in S8 and didnt look for him, he was going on a promise that he wouldnt look for him. Since we didnt get enough insight to Sam’s state of mind at the time, Im going to assume that Sam was crushed that Dean was dead, but for himself, it was more important, that he didnt let him down by breaking that promise. He saw how angry Dean was when Dean thought he made a deal that raised him from Hell, so he “knew” Dean would be disappointed if Sam looked for him now. Dean however, needs Sam to be alive, so he will risk Sam being disappointed and possibly hating him, as long as he’s alive.  So now in S11 its brought up again, that Sam didnt look for Dean in Purgatory, and Sam hadnt forgiven himself for it, its not the writers hating Sam/Jared, its showing us that Sam still hasnt gotten over letting Dean down. He’s a long suffering character, and doesnt see that he was justified in his actions, but instead blames himself for inaction. This fits right into Sam not finding a Win in a case where he couldnt save everyone. He knows he helps more people than he hurts, but the fact that he hurts people at all outweighs the good in his eyes.  There will be a time Im sure, and hopefully soon, given the events of the last 2 seasons, that Sam may collapse under all this weight. Maybe he will have some time to voice how badly things hurt him. But if he doesnt. try not to write it off as no one caring about his character, but understand his character feels like a burden if he unloads to people, even, and especially to Dean, who Im sure he believes has enough burden on his shoulders, without Sam sharing his. So try to be patient my friends. This would come out differently if it was a written story. The writer would be able to show us inside Sam’s head easier than they can this way. The only way into Sam’s head is through someone vocalizing it. If Sam does, then we dont see him burying things, if someone else does, it sometimes looks like hes being picked on for no reason…. but there is a good reason. It’s to keep his character consistant as the longsuffering reluctant hero. By @missjackil

[elizabethrobertajones]

Hello u, i was wondering about s/t destiel meta there is a lot of significance placed on the show making distinctions between sam and dean reacting to Cas like very obvious this season, but this doesnt happen vice versa does it? As in Cas usually isnt shown to react differently to Sam and Dean if something happens to both of then like when they were taken in s12 or when he was in the empty "dam and dean need me". Why do they show dean worry more about Cas than Sam but Cas doesnt about samndeN

Hi!

It’s definitely not about making a statement that Cas doesn’t love Dean any more than he loves Sam. 

I think there’s very different standards that apply. Basically that there’s ALWAYS inescapably the entire substance of these two relationships which always apply and very often are called out by the narrative in these moments anyway. That their relationships are incomparable even when they’re compared and lumped together. That Cas and Dean forged their relationship through actions which are wholly different from how he forged his friendship with Sam. We saw him barely interact with Sam for the *longest* time. 

I honestly can’t recall him getting alone time with Sam between Sam laying into him in 4x16 and Cas being drunk and surly at Sam in 5x17 (though, tbh, I consider that an excellent forward momentum episode for both Cas and Dean AND Cas and Sam’s relationships that we got basically nothing of that quality for for miles around). Between 5x17 and 5x18 Cas and Sam work together to find Dean, but it’s off-screen, however it IS the first and for a long time only time they seriously work together, alone on sometime. 

Through season 5 it’s implied Cas is working with them both off-screen with no specifics given but enough that his loyalties are obvious and he calls Sam a friend in 5x13, not to his face. He continues to majority interact with Dean only or Sam n Dean, and I think 5x21 is his only mission on screen without Dean but with Sam and Bobby, until much much later (I mean, am I wrong or is 10x17 the only other episode with this specific dynamic right down to Dean hanging with Crowley on the other side of the story?). 

9x11 is the first time Cas and Sam SERIOUSLY hang out and discuss their relationship and work out where they stand on everything, emotionally bond over their connected story arcs they’ve been running alongside each other the whole time since season 6, and finally get in the bonding time and hug we deserve. I’m pretty sure it’s the only time they’re seriously alone since season 5… With a passing moment in 8x10, perhaps, and their conversation in 7x21 which seemed important to me but the camera chooses to focus on Meg sneaking out and the sound fades out so you have to strain to catch some of their words - the fact they talk is literally a background detail. 

I remember 9x22 airing and being in fandom at last, and how much of a DELIGHT we all took it that Cas and Sam worked together, and in season 10, building on that, it was the first season they routinely had scenes together without Dean, and their own subplot based on actual interaction, and multiple episodes they were alone in a situation together. TFW having all branches connected back to each other for regular interaction and well-established non-fraught and genuinely connected relationships, literally dates to the Mark of Cain, and honestly *since* it, Cas has gone back pretty much to a default Dean-connected character, though his relationship with Sam is clearly better and more routinely shown to exist beyond the fact they keep fighting side by side. 

(And honestly I got some flak for saying once a long time ago during season 10 that Cas and Sam weren’t properly shown to be friends until 9x11 but fuck it, we’ve had seasons of them actually seeming to be friends with their own proper connections since and it’s nothing like it was before 9x11 and now I have all of seasons 9-13 to compare to what came before I’m doubling down on that hard, and insisting that Cas saying Sam was his friend in 5x13 was a very symbolic but not particularly real gesture. Like, you’d die for him but do you even know his middle name? Carver era established Sam and Cas as real friends, not just guys who occasionally fight alongside each other and care about Dean a lot as their ONE common purpose aside from saving the world from whatever, and given the wealth of better interaction between them and how different it feels, I’m sticking by that. They NEEDED an arc that shoved them together to work on things WITHOUT Dean to build up any REALISTIC sense they were friends and give us the actual meat of a relationship to base a dynamic on.)

Edlund points out the difference between Dean n Cas and Sam and Cas a couple of times in season 6 in very bad lines which feel horrible but tell a truth nonetheless, and one that persists in better times - the “more profound bond” line and the awful awful use of “raised you from perdition” on Sam. One directly tells us that Cas considers that he and Dean have spent more quality time and have more in common, and the other is deliberately taking a MEANINGFUL and high intensity line between Dean and Cas, and applying it to Sam and Cas in a way that could ONLY fall flat and suggest more horror and awfulness than good, and lacked all of the interpersonal importance that Dean took from meeting Cas. 

In season 7 when Cas saves Sam it’s easy to connect to Cas’s pleas to Dean in 6x20, 6x21 and 6x22 that it’s ABOUT Dean and finally 7x01 where he promises DEAN personally that he will redeem himself to him, followed by choosing to save Sam in 7x17 with a strong thematic implication that he’s doing it for Dean and Sam’s just the object of doing it, and only in 7x21 (muffled and unimportant) and 9x11 does Cas actually relate his experiences TO Sam and begin to feel direct empathy to him and relate to him. 

You know, meanwhile *gestures back at 4x01 and then fast forwards through all the DeanCas stuff that happens in between there and now* More profound bond blah blah blah.

I mean at no point do I doubt that Cas doesn’t CARE for Sam, even in a very abstract way to begin with. But it’s an uneven playing field even if by the second half of season 9 I think they’re comfortably friends and consider each other family in a very meaningful way beyond the kind of brother-in-law family obligation they had via Dean. It’s just still a Thing that Cas and Dean are different in a fundamentally powerful way that Cas can’t compare to for Sam, and when it WAS compared in the “raised you from perdition” line, it’s in a way that deliberately feels AWFUL in context. Especially as saving Sam *meaningfully* was engineered by Dean and done by Death in 6x11, which Cas played no part in whatsoever and actively argued against doing, out of concern for Sam, but by 6x20 with Sam at least upright and restored for the time being, certainly looks even worse on paper, BEFORE we get to Sam’s fear that Cas brought him back soulless on purpose.

Meanwhile, Cas has always reacted to protect Sam and Dean equally when the two of them are in trouble, whether it’s for Dean’s sake or for both their sakes, things tend to happen to them *together* and so it would be pretty horrible to show Cas not caring about Sam when both he and Dean need saving. In some ways this is avoided by the story by just always setting Cas up in a way where it’s either an easy “SamnDean” statement, or having him *with* Dean in Purgatory. When something horrible happens to Sam, in 9x01 Cas is separated and unable to help; 9x09 has Cas realise something is terrible wrong with Sam beyond what Dean knows, and react by stealing grace and it’s set up so he has to call Dean, has to go to Dean in 9x10, and it’s awesome. I already covered that he saves Sam in 7x17 ostensibly for Dean and only later considers Sam on a personal level. 

I think the big examples are the season 12 set ups on Cas’s side to protect “the Winchesters” (all of them including and especially Mary in 12x09) and the “I love you - I love all of you” in 12x12 which definitely involves Dean first, then the rest, as a form of clarification, with 12x10′s message in between which is specifically about who Cas loves, and that specific message is in 13x04 as well, while the main message is a “sam and dean need me”, that’s specifically called out as the Bad Reason To Go Back, and I think put to bed at that point. Cas has to choose to go back for his own reasons, for what he loves and hates and all the things he has in his life he values on their own individual purposes, and what he stands to gain or lose, which is a hugely different message, and links back to 12x12 that this is where what he “loves” was made clear…. or not made clear. But “for SamnDean” was trounced utterly. That he can’t act on stock phrases about how much he cares for an abstract blob of Winchester and ties to that which is only an obligation which has been killing him for years. He has to WANT it and be accepted and understand it’s not just for what he can do for them, but that they accept him as family and he doesn’t have to feel that obligation to help them in order to deserve it. (And I think 13x06 was really important that Cas WASN’T required or necessary except that Dean wanted him there. That only his obligation to Jack affected anything.)

And the Mark of Cain arc which to me as a fandom newbie for season 10 as my first full season with everyone, and the end of season 9 just in time for all the big Destiel build up at the end, seems to tell it on Cas’s side that Dean is utterly different to Sam. There’s no fair comparison to Sam being in massive trouble and Cas reacting this way, but it’s hard to imagine he would, if Dean was still there to panic harder. 12x01 gave us that set up and Dean LET Cas worry “more” but he was still the one who snapped a guy’s phone in half in a panicked rage. Sam was once left with Cas and Dean in Purgatory and it was to emphasise his total loss. Dean’s never had to save Cas and Sam together and be put in that position. But season 9 and 10 put Cas and Sam together against Dean’s dark arc, and THAT was fascinating.

Breaking the format to make Sam and Cas work together about Dean gives us Sam and Cas talking constantly about Dean together, expressing their concerns and reacting in their own ways. It’s implicit in the first part of the arc and then clearly laid out in the last act with Cain’s list making the Colette comparison undeniably canon, but Cas and Sam are deliberately put in different places to Dean’s struggle, and react in their own ways - Sam right up in the sharp end of it dealing with being the potential Abel to Dean’s Cain (which, yikes, I can’t believe he SLEPT for a season and a half with Dean in the same Bunker as him :P) and Cas as the wife that a disproportionate amount of time was spent on in 9x11 to tell us Cain’s story.

Obviously, Sam and Cas are both invested in saving Dean, and frequently work together to do so, or work to a common purpose, e.g. Cas splitting off to deal with Metatron or find Cain in 9x23/the middle part of season 10, is easily decided common purpose and not weird or particularly telling in their character dynamic, but then when the pay off comes, obviously puts them in radically different places in their own narrative (the conclusion of Metatron’s “in love… with humanity” thing, or Cain sorting Sam, Cas and Crowley into his life story).

To me there are a few places which show up either Sam or Cas’s different level of investment in Dean which were really, really fascinating. 

In 9x18 and 9x22, Cas seems to know waaay better than Sam the danger of the Mark but Sam is in semi denial, and it takes a looong time - maybe even seeing Dean shout at him in the end of 9x22 - to really understand, while Cas is on high alert from the moment he finds out Dean has the Mark and asking Sam about it or to keep an eye on Dean. You can explain Cas knowing more about the Mark by being an angel, but Sam’s reaction of denial is part of his current relationship troubles with Dean, so Cas is being played off as being far more personally concerned (this coupled with Dean asking after Cas on the phone was a real shipper novelty in 9x22 - and the conversations at the end of that episode of course). It’s presumably a contrast to make us worried about Sam’s denial and how he’s been missing the cues all season, with the danger of Abaddon as well, as they’re the core relationship, but showing Dean irrationally furious with Sam but chill with Cas at the end of the episode is a strange note when you swing the camera around from focusing on the brothers and the tension of a brother-killing curse, and look at how Dean n Cas reflect in it.

In 10x01 we get a shot I am never going to be over forever:

Sam and Cas are separated, and taking their arcs about saving Dean personally and through their own hurdles (Sam’s hurdle, unfortunately, kinda sucks and is borderline unwatchable these days for external reasons >.>) Cas gets this amazing arc with Hannah confronting everything about humanity and being an angel, and love and feelings and being tied to Earth… And it’s all focused down in Cas having an extremely romantic pining reaction to Dean going missing, this damsel in distress lying in bed with one knee poking out shot, conveniently fragile in this moment… (And they didn’t have to make him ill like this - they could have made him driven but burning up visibly a la Lucifer in season 5.)

This is contrasted to Sam’s montage of frantic action the season opens on, but for Cas it narrows down to “I miss him” and he’s allowed the emotion in that moment. His story is told separately and focuses on what he stands to lose and gain by choosing Dean, at a point in his story where that choice is not just there for him to make again, but defining his entire place in the universe after that choice. He chooses Dean, repeatedly, at the repeated loss of Hannah, who also represents Heaven, while Dean represents Earth and Humanity, and what all THAT means for Cas.

I love that Sam and Cas have separate storylines - I love the entire open of season 10 BECAUSE TFW are separate and each thing they do represents their own place in their journey. And the overlap between Cas and Dean’s stuff is pretty hilariously obvious, thematically and with “subtle” clues like them both getting told off by their respective romantic false leads for flashing them :P The narratives for all of them are different, but Cas and Dean’s are folded together to show the connection. Sam’s story is radically different, and lacks this entirely, whether it’s connections to Dean (he’s lost his) or mirrors to Cas’s search - they’re on entirely different paths.

The rest of season 10 builds up the Colette narrative, and I think we’ve written enough on 10x22 and 10x23 but suffice to say it had the “she asked me to stop” moment, and Cas making several sweeping declarations of eternal love that Dean was in no place to accept, while Sam went to confront an entirely different part of the story working on an entirely different personal level. And there ends a season and a half of comparing Cas and Sam’s reactions to Dean in emotional distress.

And there’s all the other obvious stuff, all the choices Cas is made to make for Dean against Heaven, or things where they just SAY Dean is his human weakness and single him out from Sam, or tbh should we really be over Cas saying “Dean” when ALL the Winchesters walked into the house in 12x23, or how Sam disappeared from the montage all about Cas and Dean in 13x05, while Dean and Cas got their well-earned stares at each other. That was a two way street - Dean obviously led the way in, but Cas was staring back at him without looking over at Sam all through that, and it was Dean he chose to call…

I don’t really know how to separate all this context of Cas’s story with Dean from Cas speaking in general about the Winchesters - of course he cares when Sam is in trouble, and if it’s a scenario involving both of them, he WILL mostly react to care about both of them. But in other situations when it’s not generic action but focused emotional moments, he gets a disproportionate amount of them about Dean, and still defaults to thinking about Dean first, because of course they have the much more developed and fascinating relationship. 

There’s also the fact that in MANY cases “the Winchesters” is code for “Dean”, particularly when angels are talking to Cas about them. 11x02 is a good example specifically because Dean calls and them snarking about it makes it clear the angels have Thoughts about Dean and Cas, shortly before they begin torturing him for information about the Winchesters in general. There’s no plot reason they’d specify Dean, in the way 9x22/9x23 is still about Cas trying to save Dean from the Mark and Dean’s death is plot relevant to all that, but this time Dean’s brought into it as an additional feature via the phonecall, and then Cas gets suggestively tortured >.> 

In 12x10 it’s the same deal - Cas and Ishim talk about humanity affecting them, but at the end of the day the story separates Dean out as the human weakness maybe just because he’s the one who showed up, but also there’s a WEALTH of their history implicit in the fight and its staging, and it means more to them personally, building on that arc, than it could ever if it had been about Sam and Cas. This is the season of it being persistently shown that Dean and Cas react far stronger about each other than Sam getting involved in their crap, in 12x10, 12x12, 12x19, 12x20 and 12x23, and a season which involved saving Sam in the first 2 episodes, and Sam and Dean in the middle, Cas in the late-middle, Dean in 12x11 for Sam and Rowena to deal with, and Mary at the end, we have a LOT of contrasts to how they all react to each other, and Dean and Cas already took the cake *before* Cas died and sent us into the 6 episode Destiel nonsense season 13 started on dealing with Dean’s grief. I don’t think 13x01-5 is any more important than 10x01-3 for Sam and Cas dealing with Dean, or 12x01-2 for Cas, Dean and Mary to deal with losing Sam. They all show us various things about the characters, and not things that disappear in other contexts. 

I mean, I am pretty sure I can find posts explaining why it’s still Destiel for almost *any* moment Cas is challenged over or defends “the Winchesters” as a group unit. Because Cas feels that relationship most keenly of them all, even if they have become his very strange little family and he loves all of them.