#carnal or not i just wanna be his boy forever | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tiriansjewel · 4 years

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find it here on Spotify!

lyric explanations below the cut! (click images for better quality)

1. The 1 by Taylor Swift

“But it would've been fun

If you would've been the one”

As we start the playlist, Luke and Alex are taking a wistful look back on their relationship in the 90s now that they’ve moved on to other people.

2. Coming Clean by Green Day

“Seventeen and strung out on confusion

Trapped inside a roll of disillusion

I found out what it takes to be a man

Now mom and dad will never understand”

Back in the 90s, both Luke and Alex are coming to terms with their sexualities.

3. Smells Like Teen Spirit

“With the lights out, it's less dangerous

Here we are now, entertain us”

Sunset Curve were working towards popularity right at the height of the grunge scene, and I would assume that both Luke and Alex heard quite a bit of this song as teenagers.

4. Now or Never by Sunset Curve

“Keep dreaming like we'll live forever

But live it like it's now or never”

How could I not include Sunset Curve’s own song? They like living in the moment, and that includes their love lives.

5. Everlong by the Foo Fighters

“And I wonder

If everything could ever feel this real forever

If anything could ever be this good again

The only thing I'll ever ask of you

You've got to promise not to stop when I say when”

When you go through adolescence, you crave intimacy with other people. This song exemplifies what Luke and Alex want from each other- to be able to feel, and to be able to experience those feelings on a deeper level.

6. Ocean Size by Jane’s Addiction

“Wish I was ocean size

They cannot move you, man

No one tries

No one pulls you

Out from your hole

Like a tooth aching a jawbone”

Jane’s Addiction was another LA rock band of this time period, and these lyrics about wanting to be powerful like the ocean and having to leave your home really remind me of Luke.

7. All Apologies by Nirvana

“What else should I be?

All apologies

What else should I say?

Everyone is gay”

This song is Kurt Cobain ironically apologizing for his cynical attitude, including the line “everyone is gay” to mock homophobes. It reminds me of Alex- he doesn’t want to be “married and buried”; he is rebelling against his parents’ definition of a correct lifestyle.

8. Freaking Out The Neighborhood by Max DeMarco

“And I know it's no fun

When your first son

Gets up to no good

Starts freaking out the neighborhood”

Emily Patterson and Alex’s mom were probably both pretty appalled by their sons effectively joining the counterculture. At this point, both Luke and Alex are starting to express themselves more, comfortable in who they are and what they want.

9. Hangout With You by Diners

“All I want

Is to talk with you now

And I know that you've got time

You are constantly on my mind

Yes I know that you've got time

To hang out with me

Tonight”

Luke has begun to realize that he likes Alex, and in true Luke fashion, can’t stop thinking about it.

10. Affection by Between Friends

“I'm laying on the floor

We're drinking 'cause we're bored

Oh, I'm looking for affection in all the wrong places

And we'll keep falling on each other to fill the empty spaces”

One night, it all comes out- their feelings and desires- and they decide to begin some kind of friends with benefits type of situation. This song feels like it’s from Luke’s perspective to me.

11. gold rush by Taylor Swift

“What must it be like

To grow up that beautiful?

With your hair falling into place like dominos

I see me padding 'cross your wooden floors

With my Eagles t-shirt hanging from the door

At dinner parties

I call you out on your contrarian shit

And the coastal town

We wandered 'round had never

Seen a love as pure as it

And then it fades into the gray of my day old tea

'Cause you know it could never be”

Luke is a magnetic person, attracting everyone, and Alex finds him beautiful. He is in awe of him, but he’s also scared about having feelings he doesn’t know how to handle. This song kind of shows Alex’s internal monologue.

12. Can We Kiss Forever? by Kina

“I tried to reach you, I can't hide

How strong's the feeling when we dive

I crossed the ocean of my mind

My wounds are healing with the salt

All my senses intensified

Whenever you and I, we dive”

This song describes their first kiss, obscured from the world, in my mind. Plus, there’s ocean metaphors. You can’t go wrong with that.

13. 18 by Anarbor

“So if you wanna piss off your parents

Date me to scare them

Show them you're all grown up

If long hair and tattoos are what attract you

Baby, then you're in luck

And I know it's just a phase

You're not in love with me

You wanna piss off your parents, baby

That's alright with me”

Luke knows Alex isn’t in love with him, but they both want to try new things. Bonus points for this song having references to frayed parent-child relationships.

14. Boys Will Be Boys by Miles McKenna

“That graduation day, it never came for you and me

Couple drop-out kids, a shotgun wedding's all we need

Sorry, Mom, Sorry, Dad

Better luck next time

A couple packs a day, pierced nose and tattoos on our legs

No strangers to pretend, we've always been too proud to beg

Sorry, Mom, Sorry, Dad

Better luck next time

Boys will be boys”

This song referencing a “couple of drop out kids” just going with the flow made me think of how Sunset Curve probably never would have finished high school.

15. Just Like You by Three Days Grace

“You thought you were there to guide me, you were only in my way

You're wrong if you think that I'll be just like you

I could be mean

I could be angry

You know I could be just like you.”

Both Luke and Alex have tons of resentment for their parents, obviously.

16. Sunstroke by Less Than Jake

“We've all been living proof

That time won't wait or choose

We know it ticks on without me and you

And I can't have both sides

Letting go or holding tight

I'm burning bright tonight”

This song about being stubborn and time not waiting really reminded me of Luke, plus the foreshadowing of them becoming ghosts and adapting to a whole new world.

17. Saint Bernard by Lincoln

“Saint Calvin told me not to worry about you

But he's got his own things to deal with

There's really just one thing that we have in common

Neither of us will be missed”

This song just made me think about Alex and his Catholic guilt.

18. Bedroom Hymns by Florence and the Machine

“This is a good a place to fall as any

We'll build our altar here

Make me your Maria

I'm already on my knees

You had Jesus on your breath

And I caught Him in mine

Sweating out confessions

The undone and the divine

This is his body, this is his love

Such selfish prayers and I can't get enough, oh”

Part 2 of Alex and his Catholic guilt. Their relationship has become more carnal, and this song maybe gives a little of Alex’s perspective into that time.

19. Church by Fall Out Boy

“And if death is the last appointment

Then we're all just sitting in the waiting room

I am just a human trying to avoid my certain doom

If you were church, yeah

I'd get on my knees”

Here ends the trilogy of songs with religious references. This song is heady and sensual and also includes some nice foreshadowing of their deaths.

20. Bros by Wolf Alice

“Shake your hair, have some fun

Forget our mothers and past lovers, forget everyone

Oh, I'm so lucky, you are my best friend

Oh, there's no one, there's no one who knows me like you do

Are your lights still on?

I'll keep you safe

If you keep me strong”

Here’s another song from Luke’s perspective- talking about forgetting mothers, being best friends, and keeping Alex safe, as long as Alex keeps him strong.

21. Slip Away by Perfume Genius

“Don't look back, I want to break free

If you'll never see 'em coming You'll never have to hide

Take my hand, take my everything

If we only got a moment

Give it to me now

They'll never break the shape we take

Baby, let all them voices slip away”

Alex struggles with losing his family over his sexuality, and Luke helps him through it.

22. Make Out In My Car by Sufjan Stevens

“I'm not trying to

Go to bed with you

I just wanna make out in my car

And though I'm dying to

Fall in love with you

I just wanna make out in my car”

Another great song about just wanting to exist with someone, about wanting touch and feel and create. They don’t want to fall in love, they just want to be.

23. I Exist I Exist I Exist by Flatsound

“I remember the way you shook

Its a shame that we're not soul mates

Because if i didn't know better

I'd say this feels pretty good

How could i be scared?

When i stretch and feel that you're there

So shut your mouth

Because these words will speak themselves

I can feel them in these blankets

And they're surrounding your figure

Embraced in the quilts

And i cant help but think

You're my missing puzzle piece”

This song is so beautiful- with references to helping a partner through anxiety, and being just like ones mother... a lot of this dynamic in my mind is Luke and Alex reminding each other that they exist, that life is wide and bright, that they’re alive. This gives a window into Luke’s inner feelings as well.

24. Come on, Mess Me Up by Cub Sport

“I found comfort, I fell in love with avoiding problems

But I want this, you know I want this

So come on, mess me up

And you can break me, if you'll still take me

Ruin me, if you'll let me be one of the ones you say you won't forget”

At some point, they become more reckless about their feelings, a little less level headed about their arrangement. Intimacy is an escape.

25. Please Never Fall In Love Again by Ollie MN

“This is what it's like to be lovers

You and me need never be lonely again

Spin with me endlessly or at least until the end

Please never fall in love again”

As usually happens with these arrangements, feelings are caught. Luke and Alex consider making things more serious.

26. Can I Call You Tonight? by Dayglow

“Batteries drain, I get the memo

I think that I might have to let you go

So can I call you tonight?

I'm trying to make up my mind

Just how I feel

Could you tell me what's real?”

The end of their relationship is near, and Alex is unsure. You can decide if this takes place before or after they die.

27. Wicked Game by Chris Isaak

“I never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you

And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you

No, I don't wanna fall in love with you”

Eventually these relationships all start to feel like games, don’t they?

28. Perfect by The Smashing Pumpkins

“So far I still know who you are

But now I wonder who I was

Angel, you know it's not the end

We'll always be good friends”

Another song about the end of a relationship, and finding yourself again. There’s a bit of resentment there, but they are learning to be friends again.

29. Miss Missing You by Fall Out Boy

“Maybe I'll burn a little brighter tonight

Let the fire breathe me back to life

Baby you were my picket fence

I miss missing you, now and then”

They’ve gotten over each other and become friends again, but are still nostalgic for the past. Bonus points for references about coming back to life.

30. Good Riddance (Time of Your Life) by Green Day

“For what it's worth

It was worth all the while

It's something unpredictable

But in the end it's right

I hope you had the time of your life”

Ah yes, the song everyone uses to commemorate bittersweet ends- it’s the perfect clincher for this playlist.

I hope you all enjoy listening!

#julie and the phantoms #lalex #jatp #luke patterson #alex mercer #jatp playlist #luke/alex #playlist #my edit

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userarchive · 4 years

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Unexpected Circumstances Ch 9

Warnings: Language, talk of SVU job, SMUT

The squad was gathered around the white board in the bull pen, Olivia obviously letting you take the lead. You had headshots of Alejandro, his brother and yourself on the board, branching off to various smaller ones of drug dealers, arms dealers and women who you regularly worked with. The ones you knew either weren’t at the last bust, or had gotten out/dealt out with smaller misdemeanours. There was a smaller list to the side with pimps who Alejandro fraternized with and often had bring their girls to parties, a lot of which ended up being the underage ones that you were targeting to get out of sex trafficking.

“We’ll host a couple of smaller parties over the next few weeks, make it known that we’re back out there. New Years Eve is going to be the big one, it always was and always will be, people are already out to party and make bad decisions. We keep people positioned in nearby clubs, bars and private parties enticing more guests to us. I want Kat under as a madam with only two UC girls with her, I’ll fill the rest of her team myself so it doesn’t look suspicious that her girls don’t want to play. Fin, I want you there as a guest, you’ve worked narcotics, it’ll help.” You turned so Benson was in your eye line, “You bust in when I give the cue, and only when I give the cue, not a second sooner, I don’t care what you see or hear. I don’t care if there’s a gun pulled, we have our own security team on big nights like this.”

“I’m not sure if I’m com—“ You cut her off, not really caring that she was your Captain at the moment.

“I know what I’m talking about Captain, and if you want to actually catch as many of the scumbags that attend these things, you’ll wait for my go. If you bust in at the wrong time, or the wrong day and screw everything up I’ll be stuck back under for God knows how long.” You rotated to speak mainly to Sonny, “You should be ready for one hell of a battle, I’d call a second chair if I were you, but you better be damn well sure it’s someone you know and can trust.”

“Lotta big names?” He replied, knowing just how serious you were.

“The last time there was a ring this big being investigated Captain Cragen ended up with a dead hooker in his bed. I’d suggest you all watch your backs, and keep a clear mind on who ends up arrested, or the names that come up in investigation. You might have friends that were regular party attendees some of them are absolute garbage human beings, no matter what you think of them now, don’t let that cloud your judgement, let the ones who were there give their statements. There’s also a lotta brass at these parties, higher ups, people you definitely wouldn’t expect, about half are committing crimes, the other ones simply come to socialize. They don’t have anyone to go home to so they come find solace with us.” You shrugged, gesturing in a ‘whatever works’ motion.

“How much of this do you have documented?” Carisi asked, knowing that you’d always been very detail oriented when it came to your paperwork.

“All of it..And it’s far more than circumstantial. There’s a reason I offered to do the books for Alejandro.”

***

After the brief was done with the squad, the paperwork filed with Benson, she decided to send you home early, much to the joy of you and Sonny. You spent the afternoon entangled with each other on the couch, Sonny’s hands never once leaving you, weaving through your hair, lips meeting your skin at small intervals as you soaked up each others love for as long as you could.

You joined him in the kitchen, jumping up onto the island while he made your favourite dinner, taking little moments to share nibbles of food with you, or press soft kisses against your lips. You’d made sure to pick up a couple of bottles of his favourite wine that paired perfectly with the food. You hadn’t even bothered to move from the kitchen table after dinner, you simply curled up in his lap head leant back against his shoulder while you finished the wine. Sonny drained his wine glass, giving the side of your neck a series of soft kisses, murmuring against the shell of your ear.

“I wanna show ya how much I love you…”

“Sonny, you just made the best dinner, I know you love me.” He snickered at that, nipping at your earlobe.

“Doll, ya know what I mean.” You couldn’t help but smile, shifting in his lap so you were straddling his thighs.

“Oh I suppose I do…” You cupped his face in your hands, lips meeting his softly. They moved against each other with such a sense of intimacy, your arms wrapping around his neck while his tugged against your hips, pulling your flush against him. The kiss was deep, sensual, Sonny couldn’t get enough, tasting the wine on your tongue, but more importantly trying to savour the taste that was so distinctly you. You loved kissing him, you always had, and you knew you always would. His lips were just so fucking perfect, so soft, gentle when you wanted and merciless when you just needed him. You swore you could kiss him forever, there were many nights earlier in your relationship where all you did was kiss and some of those nights were even better than the mind blowing sex. He pulled away with the uttermost gentleness, a hand coming up to stroke your cheek, the look of complete infatuation and adoration in his eyes.

“I love you so much sweetheart.” You swelled, kissing the tip of his nose.

“I love you too Dominick.” The ribbons of warmth and love surrounded you, simply happy in each others arms, you could practically lose yourself in those ocean eyes. Hands trailing down his arms, you grasped his hand in yours, climbing off his lap. “I do believe you had something to show me?” You quirked a brow, adding the hint of lust back into the room, smiling at the sly grin on his face as he eagerly followed you to the bedroom.

Sonny kissed you again, this time with a slightly higher sense of urgency, lips moving with vigour against yours, groaning against your mouth. Your hands tugged at the hem of his shirt while you felt his glide under yours, relishing in the feeling of his fingers against your bare skin. The kiss broke long enough to tear the offending items of fabric off, Carisi was quick to make work of your bra, dropping it to the ever growing pile of clothes. His lips left yours to move down your neck, eliciting a shiver from you while your hands made work of his belt buckle. You swatted against his chest when you felt his teeth sink into your skin,

“No marks!”

“Sorry…” He murmured, returning his lips to yours as his hands cupped your breasts, pinching and rolling at the peaks, a sigh escaping you into his mouth.

You finally managed to get his pants undone, pushing them down along with his boxers, slowly dropping to your knees, you smirked up at him, hand wrapping around his cock. Sonny gasped at the feeling of your hand spreading his pre-cum around, giving him a couple of slow pumps. You mouth moved to his balls, sucking them into your mouth, moaning around them, eyes fluttering shut, you felt his cock twitch in your hand. Humming in appreciation, knowing he was enjoying this as much as you were you let them pop out of your mouth, your lips setting a gentle kiss on the head of his length. Sucking just the tip into your mouth, his hips jutted forward, a hand reaching out to cup your cheek, ever the gentle lover. You lowered your mouth, tongue dragging a broad strip from his base before you took him in, lowering as far as you could, hands bracing on. his thighs. Your tongue traced patterns around the sensitive skin while you pumped your mouth around him, hollowing your cheeks, a mix of saliva and pre cum swirling around your mouth and his cock. Sonny’s hips thrust forward, hitting the back of your throat, you let out a light gag, pulling off him to catch a breath.

“You okay Doll?” His soft eyes blown with lust but still concerned for you, you nodded, smiling up at him. He tugged on your hand, pulling you up to standing, “Pretty sure I’m supposed to be showing you how much I love ya though.” You giggled at that, meeting his lips in a tender yet carnal kiss as you collapsed down onto the bed. His lips dragged their way across your exposed skin, kissing and sucking at every inch he could, his teeth digging in to the underside of your tit quickly before he glanced up at you, “How ‘bout here?” He winked, already knowing the answer, simply wanting to leave his mark on you before he left. He was quick to bite and suck a burning mark into the tender flesh, his hands shoving at the waistband of your pants. He pulled them off you with ease, not able to wait before licking through your folds, moaning heavily at the taste of your juices.

Your hands flew to his hair, mussing up the perfectly gelled locks, hips grinding against his mouth while he continued his attack. His tongue darted out, lapping at the wetness oozing out of your pussy, murmuring about how fucking delicious you were, how much he fucking loved your cunt. He may have been the perfect little Catholic boy, but inside the bedroom he could be unbelievably dirty, and that dirty talk just edged you on, your walls clenching around nothing hearing the words topple from his mouth. The quickening pace of your moans notified him that you were already so close, despite barely being touched. You yelped when he sucked your clit into his gorgeous mouth at the same second he plunged two fingers into you, pumping quickly, your hand digging tightly against his hair. He moaned at the sting, the vibrations nearly throwing you over the edge, a whine of his name leaving your lips, it only took a few flicks of his tongue against your sensitive nub and his fingers grazing the spongey wall inside you for you to be shaking underneath him, cumming harder than you thought you could. Gently removing himself from you, a soft hand tickled its way up your side, curling against your cheek, thumb rubbing soothingly as his waited for you to stop panting.

“You still okay?” His voice was quiet but you could hear the desire in it, the lust begging eyes staring down at you, you chuckled, nodding once again.

“Roll over…” You husked, gently pushing him onto his back as you straddled his lap. Leaning down you kissed him gently, tugging his bottom lip between your lip before you sat up. Your hand reached behind you, grasping his cock, slowly pumping it before raising your hips, shuddering at the feeling of his head between your folds. Wanton moans leaving both your lips as you sunk down onto him, relishing in the feeling of his thickness filling you up so perfectly.

Bracing your hands on his abdomen you gave yourself a second, adjusting to his size and the sensation before slowly rolling your hips, gasping at the feel. His hands found your hips, gripping gently as you began to ride him, breathy moans breaking your lips, head lolling back. You could feel his eyes on you, watching your tits bounce, admiring the way that his cock slid into you so easily, your juices glistening around it. He dragged past your g-spot, causing your to clench around him, losing the control you had, collapsing against him, burying yourself into. his neck as you hips continued to pump. Sonny wrapped his arms tightly around you, bracing his feet on the bed to thrust up into you.

The entire experience was so sensual, so pleasuring, there was no doubt denying the love you held for each other. The little whispers and whimpers of each others names breathing through your lips, the sentiments of I love you’s shared in the moment of passion. You felt nothing but absolute desire and fondness, wanting nothing but the moment to last forever. You felt the coil about to burst within you, Sonny could feel your walls pulsating around him, it was a rare occurrence, but you ended up yelping out through your orgasms in nearly the same moment. You body shivering, burying yourself even deeper against him as his hips stilled against yours, you could feel the warmth of him spurting inside you, relishing in the feeling of it.

You laid a few lazy kisses along his neck, tasting the saltiness of the sweat while his hands lightly stroked down your back and into your hair, letting him soften inside you, holding onto the moments of intimacy. Eventually you pushed your body up, pulling off at him, the warm feeling of his release dribbling down your legs before you curled around him, a leg thrown between his, hand tracing patterns on his stoic chest. Sonny broke the silence after a few long minutes,

“D’ya have ta go in right away t’morrow?” You laid a gentle kiss to his chest.

“No… I’m gonna wait at least ’til after you go to work…Probably later afternoon..” You felt his lips on your hair.

“I’ll make ya breakfast.”

“Sonny..”You nearly let out a soft laugh, you knew this was hard for both of you, but considering how the op began originally, you weren’t surprised he was being overly affectionate. You settled for an easy response, “I love you..”

“I love you too…”

The calm quietness and relaxed breaths took over the room as the two of you fell into an easy sleep, blissed out and muddled in each others bodies, thankful for the time you had.

#law and order #law and order svu #law and order special victims unit #Olivia benson #odafin tutuola #amanda rollins #sonny carisi #dominick sonny carisi #ada carisi #ada sonny carisi #ada dominick carisi #sonny carisi x reader #sonny carisi smut #sonny carisi series #sonny carisi imagine #sonny carisi one shot #sonny carisi drabble #sonny carisi fanfcition

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xmxisxforxmaybe · 5 years

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Girl I’m in desperate need of some super soft but also like super fluffy and cute and sickly sweet merriell Shelton lovin’, your recent ahk one killed me, it was so cute I may have shed a tear or two 😩 hook a sister up? Love ya!!

It’s been A DAMN MINUTE since I’ve written for our filthy (but oh-so-sweet) boy! This is pretty much pwp but it’s SOFT SNAF™️ pwp ❤️

* * * * *

“Ya wanna?”

Your eyes scanned Merriell’s face, taking in the way his green eyes reflected the haphazardly bunched and twinkling lights that were nestled above the bar.

You idly traced the rim of your glass, gathering up the last bits of salt from your long-gone margarita.

His hair was in desperate need of a trim as you focused on the few stray curls that seemed to be doing whatever they wanted on the top of his head and just above his ears. An image of the two of you, naked and tangled together flashed through your mind, your fingers twisted in those soft curls, tugging until you used your nails to scratch across his scalp as he—

“Always,” you answered, your voice husky as you barely suppressed a grin. “If you only knew, Mer. If you could only see yourself through my eyes. I’m always gonna wanna.”

Merriell gave you a look full of such adoration that it felt like your heart was swelling under his gaze and you were unsure if you’d be able to find your next breath if he kept looking at you like that. You knew moments like this were difficult for him. He struggled to articulate what he felt, forgoing words and relying on carnality. Maybe he couldn’t always tell you how much he loved you, but he could show you.

“Let’s go home, mon coeur.” *

Lost.

You were lost to his touch the minute the door shut behind you, lost to the feeling of his mouth on your mouth, on your jaw, on your neck. Shoes were kicked off. The belt on Merriell’s pants undone. And your shirt was gone, forgotten somewhere between the kitchen and the couch.

Shivering, you felt his hand turn, palm flat, and slide beneath the waist of your jeans. Merriell’s fingers were as insistent as his lips and you moaned as his middle finger found your clit.

The sounds in your throat drove Merriell’s desire, taking those noises as an invitation to push you over the edge.

His finger ground into your sensitive clit and began moving quickly. You pushed back against his shoulders, concentrating on the pleasure building so fast at your center. Realizing you were about to come, Merriell watched your face, his mouth half-open and his eyes so alive, twist in ecstasy and in surprise as you yelled out his name.

You squeezed your thighs around his hand and bucked into him, flushed and now so, so wet.

“Well, that was … something,” you said with an embarrassed laugh.

Merriell didn’t join in; he was looking at you with such unabashed yearning that you were now sure your cheeks were red.

Merriell’s hand stilled as he murmured, “Baby girl. Goddamn.”

“Toldja you didn’t realize what you did to me.”

“Ya weren’t kiddin’,” Mer said as he finally moved, wiggling his hand deeper into your pants so he could play with the wetness he found at your opening.

You hummed in response and a slow smile spread across your face, your nipples hardening at the thought of him sliding into you.

“Want you. Please, Mer.”

Merriell withdrew his hand and stood up, pulling you into his arms.

“Up,” he instructed and you jumped, wrapping your legs around his waist so he could carry you to the bedroom.

He was at the perfect height to place wet kisses on your neck as he walked down the hall. He turned a bit too soon to go into the bedroom and pressed you against the edge of the doorframe which meant he could now press himself tightly into you.

He groaned as his constrained cock rubbed against you, and you wrapped your legs tighter to encourage the friction.

He looked slightly up at you, adjusting your position until you were at his eye level. He pushed you harder into the door frame as his lips descended on yours. His cock pressed against your center and your hands finally found those curls you had been thinking about earlier in the night.

After your tongue traced his lips, he pulled back and moved into the bedroom. He crawled onto the bed with you, your body relaxing into the mattress as your legs relinquished their hold around his waist.

Merriell reached over his head to pull at his shirt, yanking it off and tossing it. You ran your hands over his bare shoulders and slid your palms down his chest to grasp at his pecs. He laid down on top of you and found your lips again, his stomach now pressing against the bare skin of your own.

You reached between your bodies and opened his pants, pushing them off his hips so you could finally wrap your hand around his dick.

It was your turn to tease, to pull and squeeze and run your thumb through the cum covering his tip until he groaned, gravelly-low in his throat.

The two of you made quick work of the rest of your clothes, and soon enough, Merriell was back between your legs, sliding his hard cock into your tight heat.

You arched your body at his entrance and flung your head back. Mer stilled once he filled you, and you knew he wanted this to last. He wanted you to be sure of his feelings, of all the things he couldn’t always say.

You bit your lip and held his gaze as you began working your muscles, urging him to move, to show you.

At the insistence of the slow contractions of your inner walls, Merriell began to move, your hips grinding up to match his pace.

He watched your face flush with pleasure, watched your lips part and open to allow those breathy moans he loved so much to escape your throat. Usually, you loved to watch Merriell sliding in and out of you, the transfixing sight intensely erotic. But tonight, you watched his face as he watched yours.

His cheeks were tinged pink and sweat was gleaming across the top of his forehead. His dark brown curls were sticking up, a few lowered over his forehead and nearly brushing his brow.

You reached up and traced the line of his jaw flicking your thumb across his full lower lip. He pressed a kiss to the pad and lowered himself so your faces were even closer and your bodies were entirely pressed together.

Mer continued to move inside of you and you knew he was wishing he could live in this intimacy with you forever.

When you felt his body begin to tense, you knew his orgasm was close, but since your clit was being stimulated by his pelvis rutting against you with every thrust, you were close, too.

Mer’s groans became more pronounced while your breaths became short, both of you anticipating the inevitable release.

Merriell sped up and panted, “Come with me. I need ya to come with me.”

His chest rumbled against yours as he delivered the command—no—the plead.

Your lips parted as your climax washed over you, and Merriell began to feverishly thrust into you as he came, the words I love you hanging in the air, unspoken but feeling so clear as if they had been; he emptied himself into your heat, your body relishing in the feel of his cum coating your walls, mixing with your own.

Merriell pressed his lips softly all around your face, his tongue tasting the tiny beads of sweat that had gathered at your temples. Neither one of you moved for a long time because neither one of you wanted to be the first to pull away.

“Ya sure ya always gonna wanna with the likes a me?”

“God yes,” you purred, reaching up to run your finger from the crown of his head, down over his nose, and across his lips.

Merriell chuckled as he shifted and stretched out beside you, his arm resting between your breasts as he ran his fingers lightly over your chest, the two you sharing looks and smiles as you basked in the quiet high of your post-lovemaking.

Until Merriell’s voice rasped, “So. Ya wanna?”

You glanced down to see that his cock was, indeed, half-hard, and you laughed.

“You’re insatiable!”

“Jus’ seein’ if ya willin’ ta put ya money where ya mouth is.”

“I’ll show you exactly where I’m willing to put my mouth,” you said with a smirk as you moved from under his arm and slid down the bed.

* * * * *

*my heart

#Merriell Shelton #merriell shelton x reader #female reader #rami malek #Snafu Shelton #snafu #snafu x reader #rami malek characters

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desdemonafictional · 6 years

Text

The Devil and the Deep Blue Sea (pt 6)

you know what it is

The last candle is burning down to nothing—Edgar passes his fingers over the parchment thinness of Nny’s forehead, smoothing the habitual wrinkle as he draws another story to a close. Each time he believes he has told every story he has to tell, he will look into Nny’s monstrous glowing eyes and find that he remembers one more, just one more. Something about a woman who hid her soul inside of a comb—something about a cosmonaut who returned to earth to find it completely silent.

The way that Johnny watches him, when he talks… how can he not go hot with pleasure at the absolute enrapture, the absolute enchantment of a creature that survives by enchantment? For a moment he forgets his words, stalling out in the middle of a sentence just to look at the unholy marvel in his lap.

“So?” Nny says, “So how does it end?”

And Edgar, either brave or stupid, says, “Kiss me and I’ll tell you.”

The flurry of motion knocks Edgar back onto his bed. When his vision clears, he finds Nny crouched over him, shoulders rolled back like the hackles of a cat. “What,” he says.

In for a penny, echoes the unhelpful voice in Edgar’s head. “I thought maybe you’d want to,” Edgar says.

“I didn’t bring you here to be some sort of servant of the flesh,” Nny hisses, “some carnal beast of burden, a slave to a master’s whims!”

Edgar doesn’t see how that’s much different from what he’s been doing thus far, and generally speaking, quite enjoying it. He sits up on his elbows. In for a penny, in for a penny…

“I’d like to kiss you,” he says.

Nny stills above him. With his sharp shoulders and tense arms, his head cocked as if he is trying to keep Edgar pinned within his vision, he says nothing for a long moment. Then, at last, he allows himself a slow, long blink.

“Very well,” he says. “I suppose that’s not unreasonable.”

With the careful deliberation of an animal handler, Edgar leans up into him. His lips, thin and cold, just barely light against Edgar’s. But then there is a sharp sound, an intake of breath from somewhere across the room, and Nny freezes. Edgar cracks an eye and follows the sound.

“Oh shit,” Sharktooth says. The tent flap clutched in his hand looks about to rip. “My bad. Uh. I was gonna—never mind though, I’ll come back—”

Nny rears back, one foot hitting the floor as if he is on the verge of lunging. “Jimmy,” he growls. “Did neither of your blasted progenitors teach you to knock?”

Edgar’s mouth, tingling with the momentary brush of skin, pops open. “Is your name Jimmy?” he says.

Sharktooth—Jimmy—makes a frustrated little noise, twitching like there is nothing he would like more than to turn heel and retreat. “I can’t knock, it’s just canvas,” he whines.

“Then announce your fucking presence,” Nny says. “This is a private residence, have some manners! Frankly for what you’ve just seen I ought to cut your eyes out!”

“Whoa, okay,” Edgar says, and pulls himself upright, half compelled to physically stand between the two of them before actual violence can erupt. “Nobody dismember anybody in my bedroom, please!”

“You familiar worm,” Nny says, ignoring Edgar entirely, “you—”

“Calm down, boss,” the man apparently named Jimmy pleads. “You know me, I’m your guy. I been your guy, right? It’s your show, you can do whatever the hell you want. I ain’t gonna tell nobody.”

“Correct!” Nny says, drawing a long knife from his person with a flourish. “You will not!”

Edgar drops his forehead into his hand, staring into the middle distance. “It was just a kiss,” he mutters, baffled, “it was literally just—”

“Look-” Jimmy throws the curtain closed behind him and stalks inside, fingers squeezing his stressed forehead. “I get it. Why wouldn’t you want him, he’s a tempting son of a bitch,” Jimmy says, “I get it man. But if you just let him walk all over you like this, it’s gonna be a disaster.”

“Is it,” Nny echoes, a dangerous edge to his voice.

“You wanna talk about what this is?” Jimmy says, starting to get worked up now, “We can talk about what the fuck this is. Is this a thing for you now? Do you know what you’re doing at all?”

“Edgar is a human,” Nny says, “he has flesh. I am trying to accommodate that.”

“I know things about flesh!” Jimmy says, “I have flesh! You could have come to me!”

“Shall I come begging for your so-called expertise on my knees, then,” Nny snarls, making air quotes with the hilt of his knife still in his hand, “you loveless wretch?”

Jimmy flinches, but the weakness only lasts a second. “I know more than you do!” he retorts. “And I learned it the hard way, but—listen, you don’t have to! I can make this better for you!”

“Doubtful,” Nny says.

“You gotta make sure he knows you’re the boss,” Jimmy says, jabbing a finger at Edgar. “You can’t show—” he waved his hands erratically at the whole scene, “—whatever this is!”

“What are you even insinuating about me?” Edgar says, although he is, predictably, ignored.

“Here,” Jimmy says, “I’ll show you!”

Edgar heaves a startled breath as Jimmy reaches out and grabs him by the chain around his neck, reeling him into a hard grip. He moans in surprise as the hollow of his mouth is pushed open, unable to withhold anything; his body is dipped until he has no choice but to clutch Jimmy’s coat for support. Jimmy kisses him aggressively, consuming him one lick at a time.

And then his kiss breaks, leaving Edgar panting and clutching at him in the wake of it.

“See?” Jimmy says. “You gotta assert yourself or you’ll never get any respect.”

Edgar looks across the room and finds himself under Nny’s sharp gaze. Absently, Edgar licks his swollen lips. As Nny glances back and forth between them, the boiling fury in his expression wavers uncertainly.

“Um,” Edgar says, dizzy and aroused. “Neat?”

The flash of the blade in Nny’s hand disappears as if it had never been. “Well,” he says, delicately, “it does seem moderately effective.”

Jimmy’s arm is hooked under Edgar’s back, and he cannot help but sink into it as Jimmy touches him roughly, petting his hair a little too hard.

“Yeah man,” Jimmy says, “if you’re gentle you’ll get bit, you know?”

Jimmy glances down at him for a moment before pulling him upright, offering him to Johnny like a playground tribute, like a toy. Edgar holds his breath as Nny draws him into his arms, eyes flashing with suspicion. Nny takes his chin between his fingers, and after a moment of consideration, tugs him down to sit on the edge of the bed.

For all his reservation, when Nny kisses Edgar, the gentle pressure of his mouth sears. Caught in the grip of these skeletal fingers, giving himself up to the cataloging and keeping of his master, Edgar could lose himself forever. Even without looking, he can feel the way Jimmy is sitting forward, perched on his vanity, transfixed by the work of his own hands.

And he can feel when Jimmy ducks out at last, although he says nothing to announce his departure.

Edgar takes a seat on a bleacher, several hours later, in the familiar gloom where a familiar form is readjusting the pulley system above the stage. “So,” he says, winding a finger through the jangle of silver chains down his chest. “Jimmy, huh.”

The boy with the shark mouth groans, and kicks the nose of the megalithic beast in the tank below him before it can take a bite out of his ankle.

#jthm #mmygar #nny/edgar

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sasorikigai · 3 years

Note

it's a foggy morning when he awakes with a pleasant ache in him that he knows exactly where it's come from , a smile lingers upon lips as he lays on hasashi's bed and keeps his eyes closed . imagines , remembers . the scent of freshly brewed coffee had attracted the younger one into the kitchen , donned in a loose paid of sweatpants and hanzo's loving marks on his pale flesh . on his neck , chest , shoulders . his grin spread over his well rested features as he brings his bare arms around hanzo's torso from behind , and mbles against his firm shoulder blade . ❛ morning , pretty boy . ❜ / @yurel . just wanna annoy hanzo early in the morning . 🥺

CALL HANZO PRETTY || @yurel || accepting

💥 || Do they ever recover from the trauma of their respective broken dreams? Do they ever really forget the massacre of their ambitions, and the pieces wrecked beyond repair? Do they ever forget the humiliation, the black hole of sadness that grows in the pit of their stomachs at the mere mention of it? Hanzo Hasashi and Asahi Saito try to evolve, grow, and maybe move forward and move on. But sometimes, that shattering was too big, that dream was too profound, and that life was too unfair to ever forget and heal. Some scars may just fester forever into a perpetual state of sadness, but their carnal, lecherous explorations always mitigate their broken hearts, for their sessions remind them that there always will be parts of them that tingles on the reminder, that there is a wound which itches to pull their attention to all the lost dreams and the broken hearts. Eventually, the old scars will fully heal, and as time passes and the winds change, they will leave the places they used to know and start something fresh. This was part of their rebirth, a new profound chapter in both their lives.

No longer, Hanzo Hasashi helpless remains shrouded in darkness, for Asahi already pulled him towards the light; this man whom he loves so dearly saving him another time, another space, another construct of his shattering and breaking. The dawning light wasn’t the only one that aroused the Commander to face the true ideal longings in the proverbial nature of him, but abundance of their chemistry and devotion towards one another. Sleep had been a harbinger of equal parts solace and fear; slipping away halts the torment of its leading up to the worst moment in his life, all the while, instigating the arrival of the newly-painted war zone of a new day, as his human vices and distorted sentiments will struggle to chase away the demons through survival without ever antagonizing them.

The halcyon stretch of the morning on his off-day lingers on as usual. Clad in nothing, but his boxer briefs, his inaudible footsteps ebb and flow, coming and leaving; a man who knows how to compose and erect himself with an intense spark of soul-piercing amber eyes would have bloomed flowers with the saturated, unflinching declaration of love - as Asahi’s skin reflects the rose-colored hickeys deepening in colors as Hanzo’s attention careens and downpours from the steady drip of the French press to his beloved, drenching into the cracks of familiar nooks and crannies of Asahi’s every inch. Electric, perhaps destructive, his knowing gaze proves that the love he has towards Asahi Saito is unpremeditated nor manipulated, despite his slight irritation, saturating rubicund flush around his neck and cheeks.

“G’morning, my macho man,” Hanzo’s being downright and unapologetically sarcastic, as his dry, sleep-laden guttural timbre echoes against Asahi’s temple as he utters a disapproving grunt. However, he is quick to recognize the familiar emanating warmth of his beloved’s lips; any extent of loving sweetness warms him insides, seeping through his lungs to burst as radiance through his skin. “I am absolutely terrorized and flattened by your remarkable compliment.” Oh, the power Asahi Saito could be holding; his undying love would beat Hanzo to it, as soon, ephemeral spell of his irritation would melt as the smoky dark roast of the coffee bean would cling onto Asahi’s lips. 💥 ||

#✗ the ineffable testimony of spawned hellfire (scorpion)#✗ ugly syllables of conjured vindictive crimson (modern au)#(relationships; asahi saito)#(Asahi you're lucky that you're the pretty one)#yurel

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the-voice-of-hell · 3 years

Text

Rent is Theft, part 22

Read from the beginning here, read the previous chapter here. Note: My MC is a Filipina trans woman and I am not. If you have notes on that or anything else, hit me up.

***

We finally forced ourselves to go do proper cleanup on my apartment, the hellhole. I turned on the oven hood and the bathroom fan to vent funky smells, cleaned up everything I could, amassed some garbage bags worth of horribleness, ran some laundry, took out the trash from cleaning twice.

We left the main chalk circle intact, policing the edges and clarifying it from the bulk chalk. I recreated the triangle on fresh floor, and the symbols of mercury inside it. I only drank a glass of wine for the drunkenness aspect of my magic. Hopefully it would be sufficient. I was hoping to ease off of my alcoholism sometime soon.

During it all we had more visits from floories, made plans, and so on. At last we parted ways - Leimomi to clean herself up in her apartment, me to finish up some work in my own. I’d never gotten a proper bed, but was able to borrow a few ottomans and cushions from Deandre to at least make a good surface for lovemaking, all put together in place.

I’d set out a bunch of candles and I would be damned if they didn’t get lit, every one. This was going to be romantic as Hell... OK, my bedroom wasn’t nearly as cool without the decor that had gone out the window, but in the candlelight, all that would be visible is sweet sweet love.

She came over, wearing clean capri leggings and a fresh t-shirt, although now she had a flannel over the top. She did it! For my part, I was wearing a gauzy black gown over bright purple lingerie. We both had our heads under fresh wraps.

“Whoa, where’d you get the flannel?,” I asked, hoping she’d see my carnal interest was genuine.

“I borrowed it, don’t wanna say. Wow, you’re so pretty.”

“Aww, I love you. And you’re so handsome.” I tugged on the borrowed shirt. Honestly, I knew it had to have come from Perry - tallest guy on the floor - probably by way of Patrick. An impressive act of bravery on her part.

“Thank you, Courtney.”

I locked up the door.

She looked into my bedroom, seeing all the candlelight. “Why do you have all of that? I don’t wanna see myself.”

“Oh, hon, it’s not much light. It’s to be romantic. Candles! Did you have enough to eat, or do you want to go straight to my boudoir?”

“I ate.” She stood in the door of my bedroom and I slid on by, taking up her hands.

I pulled her inside. “Come in, feel the romance!”

She scrunched her brows adorably and let herself be dragged, though she wasn’t comfortable enough to take a seat just yet. I had a mix of slow R&B jams from the late ’80s early ’90s on, something by SWV at that moment. I pulled her into a slow dance.

“How do you like my slow jams?”

“It sounds funny. Is it super old?”

“Old and moldy. I haven’t thought about a lot of these songs since they were new, but I got them for nostalgia a long time ago, and then I was, like, better for a date than my grunge music.”

“Yeah, OK. It’s nice.” She was distracted. “But I’m putting out these lights before we do stuff.”

“Sure thing, baby.” I kissed her and it worked. She started paying attention to the task at hand - love. We slow danced for another couple of songs, made out, felt each other up.

“Am I butch yet? Or is it queer because I have lipstick?”

“I don’t care. Whatever you are, I want some.”

*Big redacted sex scene: thing to know for later is that it ended with a condom-wrapped cucumber with a dishtowel wrapped in the middle part balanced on a towel rack in the bathroom*

There was a knock at the door. Our R&B slow jams surely could be heard in the hall. Didn’t they know what it meant, when Keith Sweat was singing “Make it Last Forever”? “We can ignore that, babe.”

“What if it’s an emergency?”

“They’ll get more insistent.”

“Get your robe on. Go.” She kissed me and pushed me away.

I rolled my eyes, grabbed my robe, and went to the door. I noticed she was following me, completely *****, so I resolved to keep the door mostly shut for her. I answered it, poking my head out.

“Graeme? What could you possibly need at this hour? Cup of sugar? Baking cookies?”

She giggled behind me.

“Sorry, I heard you were taking the night off, but didn’t know it was all the way off. I’ll leave you be.” He started away and I closed the door, but Momi kept me cornered there.

“Hey. We should bring him in.”

I blinked. “What? Are you kidding?”

She reached past me and opened the door, calling out, “GREE-EEM. COME BACK.”

“No! No. Are you crazy? Why?” I turned to tug on her arm, try to get the door closed again. She was too strong.

“You did a three-way before. We should do a three-way. I can find out why he’s so hot.”

“I do not want to mess us up again. It would mess us up again! Please, Momi!”

From out in the hall I heard his voice, muffled by the door being mostly closed. “Umm, what’s going on?”

She looked at me earnestly, but with an impish streak as well. “It won’t mess us up. It’s just for fun. Greem! Hey!”

I could feel my face folded in a thousand places like paper sculpture. “Are you for real?”

“We’re in love, we’re good. This is just for fun.” She kissed me. “Hey Greem, come in!”

“I don’t think so. Sounds weird in there. Good night, girls.”

She pushed the door open farther and I half fell into the hall. “No, man. Come back, come in.”

“I just wanted to plan the exorcism stuff. It’s no big deal.”

Momi poked my back. “I want him in here, c’mooon...”

“Oh my god,” I said. “Graeme, come on. Please, just give me a moment?”

He got a grumpy look and only came back as far as the door.

Leimomi peeked out. “C’mon, you know you want it.” Then she slipped away, embarrassed at herself at last?

He said, “No. I know you Courtney, at least enough to know this is a mess I’d best avoid.”

“You’re not wrong, but please.” I reached out my arm. “Come in, just a moment, hear me.”

He bit his lip, most unsexily. It was the lip biting of, “I don’t wanna say swear words,” but he came back to the door.

I speedily doffed my robe, throwing it over Leimomi’s body. She giggled and caught it there, just holding it over herself under the arms like a sheet or towel after a bath. For my own modesty, I just leaned on the kitchenette island and looked over at him from a profile view. Not much visible there in the dim light, I hoped.

“Uh, hi Greem,” Momi said.

“It’s Graeme. Courtney?”

“It’s like this, bud. The love of my life over here got a wild hare to bring somebody non-threatening in for a three-way. Tag, you’re it.”

She made a coy face at him. “You know you wanna *redacted*, right?”

He was still grumpy. He held out his arm and I didn’t understand at first. Then I realized he was showing us something. Red blood dripped from it and splashed on the floor. “You see this?”

“God, Graeme, are you OK?” I forgot my modesty and turned to face him, took a step forward.

“Yeah. I figured out it isn’t blood. If it was, I’d be dead by now.”

“What is it?,” Leimomi asked.

“I’m literally red-handed because of this curse stuff. Most of the time it just looks like port-wine stain, but when I’m doing anything, let’s say, naughty, it starts to pour this red stuff.”

“Naughty how?,” she asked.

“At work it’s fine. When I come home here, when I first get in the building, it starts. Kinda thin, like sweat, but enough to mess up a shirt. I know it’s ridiculous, but when I try to *redacted*? It’s like this. If I do anything sexy with you, it’s gonna look like the elevator lobby at The Overlook Hotel.”

I said, “And here I just thought it was you trying to be a good boy, keep me from messing up my love life again.”

“That’s part of it too. You just got with her, right. You wanna mess that up? This is how people mess things up.”

I looked at Momi. “See, we agree. Bad idea, baby. You really think we’re ready to get somebody else in our bed without causing weird feelings? Problems?”

She made an expression like a three year old giving up on her dream of buying a puppy. “I guess.”

“You really wanna do this, don’t you?,” I asked.

“Even with the Kool-Aid man hosing down your sheets?,” he asked.

She nodded and let the robe slip off one tit. “I dunno. What do you think, Grame?”

“Graeme. You can see what my body thinks.” He held up his hands, red dripping off of the fingers rapidly. “I don’t think I’m convinced yet, in my mind.”

She looked at me. “Is this OK?” She stepped closer to Grime, dropped the gown further, holding it at waist level.

“Give it a try, hon.”

“*redacted*” She cocked her head and smiled at him.

“Oh god,” he said. He kept his hands clasped in front of himself and looked back and forth between us in a small panic.

“Try it out, Graeme. See if you can handle it. I believe her. This is just about fun, you’re just gonna be a fling for us, and we’ll still be in love tomorrow.”

She nodded enthusiastically and *redacted*.

“Damn, Graeme. I’d do it, if I was you.”

“Oh god,” he said again.

*Big redacted sex scene. The thing to know for later is that Momi and Courtney’s head wraps escaped again and made it into yokai erotica.*

“Oh no,” Momi cried, as her hair recovered its strength. It bunched up behind her head and pushed her off the bed. It spun and twisted in the air around her like the erotic display of some unclassfiable deep sea organism - bigger than before.

But she was able to join in the fight, and between the three of us, we got it tied up. We worked in stages - I got a big hank tied in a knot, then another, and while they punched me I caught them from behind with a pillowcase. Then I tied that to a piece Grime was pinning down, and so on.

At last we were done, laying across the slime-drenched furniture, totally wasted.

Leimomi said, “I’m so sorry. I guess it really was a bad idea.”

Grime said, “I had no idea.”

“Yeah,” I said, “Let’s not do that again.” I patted Grime on the shoulder to reassure him, then went to kiss my girl. “It’s OK. Not your fault, babe. I’ll get us some water and snacks, then we can try to clean up this nightmare.”

“Thank you, Courtney.”

I took care of my friend and my lover. Could I have one night that didn’t end in total exhaustion and hellish explosions of slime? I’d have to work on that. ***

The red washed out well - not like blood at all. Still, it was an all day chore to get it out of the furniture. That meant we weren’t able to get an exorcism in at the end of the night, but at least I spoke with Patrick and came up with a new ritual more tailored to his situation. We also had the idea to try and make it a double - exorcise Perry at the same time.

Talking things through with Leimomi and Grime, we were mercifully not too traumatized by the experience, but agreed to keep an eye out for PTSD symptoms. We had all been *redacted*, in a sense. Good to be careful with our hearts for a while.

The day after that I was out shopping and shoplifting for magic supplies when I got a call from Grime. On his way to work, he’d overheard that they were doing a heat treatment for bed bugs on the entire thirteenth floor the very next day. Would we feel the effects?

Neither of us knew, but I made sure to let people know - to stock up on water and food that didn’t need to be cooked in case we were sweltering, anything else to help limit our comings and goings, keep heads low until the treatment was finished. I figured the more we used the elevator while that was going on, the more likely we’d run into management, raise suspicion.

That night we did the exorcism. It was a much less vomitous affair, which had me concerned that it didn’t work. But on examination, the old gay gents were clean! We did it. Everything was coming up roses.

The day of the heat treatment, most of the floories took my advice to stay in - including Patrick, worn out from the exorcism and having some sick days to burn. Leimomi and I distributed the food and supplies, so we got to visit with everyone, at least briefly. It was nice to see Mike in human coloration again, though he looked worse for wear in other respects.

Grime was the only person who chose to stay out of the apartments during the day of the bug bake. Work was going into crunch time, and no one would think anything of him staying there all hours. I invited Momi to stay in my apartment, and that morning we had bologna sandwiches and oranges for breakfast and listened to some tunes.

When would the burning begin? The concrete between floors meant we couldn’t hear men walking around with equipment, doing setup. We could judge by how often we felt the slight hum from the elevator’s movement, but it could barely be felt above the sound of music or mild conversation.

I feel like the night of sex gone wrong put a big damper on Leimomi’s recent friskiness, which was OK. We had forever to get in the mood again, and it was relaxing to lay together without the expectation it might turn into something more physically demanding. After breakfast we lounged on my fake bed, finally dried out from the cleaning a few days before. We said nice things and kissed and held hands.

“I’m glad we got out of Pilipwaii. Too many nuns and nosy neighbors,” I said.

“Yeah.” She lazily closed her eyes. “And everybody wanted you to be a model, Miss Pilipwaii. We could never be a secret if you did that.”

“So true. But is it suspicious that we came to a renowned lesbian mecca?”

“You think they know something? Will we be able to ever go home again?”

“Too risky. Gotta live free. We’ll send our families christmas cards and they can just pretend things are normal, if they have to.”

“Losers. I wouldn’t even send them a christmas card.”

“Good idea. Same money on stamps, spend it on lesbian things for your new life.”

“Can we do my haircut tomorrow night?”

“Marcie and Richie really wanna go next, but I think they’ll understand. Yours is pretty dangerous. Richie’s could theoretically burn down the building, but they’ve basically got it under control. You don’t.”

“Yeah, god. I’m glad Grime was there to help out this time.” Pain wrinkled her brow.

“It’s OK babe, let’s not talk about it.” I kissed her forehead. “Once they’re done with the heat, let’s go split a sandwich at Subway and have some nice cold pop.”

“Yeah, I like that. What kind of sandwich?”

“We could just do whatever the five dollar one is.”

“Not if it’s tuna or meatballs. Yuck.”

“I like tuna alright.”

“I dunno. Sometimes it's OK,” she said, “but most times I don’t like it. It doesn’t taste like nothin’ and it’s funky and feels weird in my mouth.”

“That sounds like a challenge to me. I’ll get an expensive piece of tuna from Whole Paycheck and cook it up just right, and you’ll be ‘Oh Courtney I love your tuna so much’.”

“Hehe, you can try. Bet it still sucks.”

“Argh.” I lay my head down on her chest. I quickly picked it up again - we had stuck together with early stage sweat. “I wonder if they started, or if that’s just from the day warming up.”

“Am I gross?”

“Never. I don’t like sticking to people or things like that. But there’s a fix.” I awkwardly rearranged myself to pull a thin section of bedsheet between us, and nestled back into place. “Nice.”

“You think it’s gonna get hotter?”

“It really shouldn’t get very hot in here. I looked it up and concrete absorbs heat slow and releases it slow. So basically, the heat will come through only a little at a time, have a chance to cool out before it heats us up too much.”

“That’s science?”

“I guess. The man said it would get up to one hundred twenty-five degrees for three hours. That’s awful, but that’s upstairs. No way it gets that bad down here.”

“OK, Courtney.”

I took her hand again. “The windows don’t open so the only way I could clear out Mike’s barf smell was running the oven hood fan and the bathroom fan. Those connect to some pipes that carry air away. Hot air rises, maybe if we run those it’ll help cool things off.”

“Alright.” She fidgeted with my rings. “We hafta move out of here as fast as we can, but where would we go?”

“Can’t go back to Pilipwaii. The nuns will get us.”

“I’m serious. We could go to a shelter down in Tacoma or something, but it’s gonna be rough.”

“Yeah, I hate that. But if I can get a job and we can hold out for just one month, we could have enough for the down payment to move into a real place. Reminds me, I need to get more interviews lined up.”

“Maybe I should do a job.”

“I don’t want you to do that. It’s hard to get a good one, and some of the bad ones are really really bad.”

“Sometimes guys would do day labor. You know what that is?”

“I think so. You go to a temp agency or something like that, just wait, and if they get something they send you to it. Right? I feel like they probably give those guys just the worst kind of work to do, like moving big bags of concrete or moving hundred pound boxes of freight.”

“Yeah, but if you do good, you could get a hundred bucks.”

“The cheapest we’ll be able to pay for a legal place is gonna be twenty times that, as a down payment. If you push around hundred pound blocks for twenty days, you could get crippled for life. It ain’t worth it, babe. Just wait for me. I swear, I’ll get this.”

“I believe you. But I’m worried. This is...” She looked uncomfortable, sweat beginning to bead on her brow.

“Too hot to snuggle now, isn’t it?” I eased off of her and scooted a foot away. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.” She tucked the sheet under her arm, not liking the feel of sticking to herself.

“Yeah, it’s my fault. Whole thing was my idea.”

“I didn’t hafta say yes. I didn’t even hafta say yes to bein’ your girlfriend.”

“Yeah, I better not push my luck by calling attention to your questionable decisions, hehe. I’ll get us some water bottles.” I got up and went to grab that.

There was a knock at the door when I was conveniently close. I opened it, noting the handle was a bit warm in my palm. “Marcie, hi. You wanna come in?”

“Naw, the less people we got in any one room is probably gonna be a good thing. You notice it?”

“I know. It’s heating up fast. I don’t like it.”

“I just think, y’know, it’s the last minute. Those guys are probably up and down in the elevators, we oughtta sit tight. Or should we? We can get out now, maybe just try an’ stay out all day, like Olivia and Knobby usually do.”

“I think we all have to make those calls for ourselves. You might be right. I’d just hate for one of us to get caught. Like even if it gets to a hundred ten down here, we can guzzle water, put wet towels on our heads, whatever, just squeak through. And it really shouldn’t come to that. We got a layer of concrete between us and them.”

“Yeah.”

“Might wanna turn on your fans, see if they can suck out some hot air. And of course, turn off all your lights.”

“Yeah, you’re right. Well, let’s stop breathing this hot air all over each other. I’ll see ya, hon.”

“See you, Marcie.”

I closed the door. The knob already felt warmer.

***

Read next chapter here.

#Rent is Theft #part 22 #nanowrimo july 2021

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wastedkookies · 8 years

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sequestered - one

genre: angst / fluff / secretly dating au pairing: yoongi / reader warning: some sexual themes summary: a self-proclaimed photography hipster and the OG linguistics queen absolutely love - I mean loathe each other

He pushes you up against the wall, the both of you kissing each other feverishly while his hand slides up your shirt. You let out a gasp when he squeezes your side teasingly, scowling when he chuckles at your reaction. He plants his lips on your neck, his kisses slowly arriving at the base your throat and sucking at that spot hard. You tug at his hair, moaning when he starts leaving more marks at your collarbone. Your eyes are half-lidded and lustful when he gazes up at you, a smirk on his face.

He wastes no time in taking your shirt off, biting down harshly at a spot on your stomach, causing an animalistic moan to slip out. This fuels his carnal desires for you, and he continues to pepper kisses down your stomach to the the waistband of your shorts. Just a little teasing, occasionally letting his breath linger on your skin before licking a stripe across your stomach. You squeeze your eyes shut, whining when he refuses to do anything else.

You wanted him to conquer you. You wanted him to do so now.

“Ugh, just fuck me now.”

“Sure, whatever my princess wants.”

“Wow, I never would’ve guessed that the linguistics queen could be such a bad girl.”

You scowl at the dark haired boy who’s holding your scarf and doubling over in laughter. There could only be one description which fit this boy — the face crack of the century.

Honestly, who decided to make your life a living hell when all you’re doing is crossing the school courtyard to get to the other building?

“Give it back, asshole,” you attempt to snatch it away from him so you could hide the hickeys that litter your neck and collarbones before kicking him in the nuts to serve as a lesson. All he does is hold it up higher, laughing — no, cackling when you jump in attempt to reach for it. You let out a huff, dishing out a swift punch to his stomach and grabbing the scarf out of his hands when he keels over.

Min Yoongi, self-proclaimed photography “hipster”, also known as the bastard who deserves to be swallowed in a black hole and cease to exist in your book. At first glance, you’d think that he’d be a pleasant guy, especially with his soft facial features, but haven’t you heard of the saying “don’t judge a book by its cover”? Yoongi may seem innocent on the outside, but he’s pure disappointment the moment he opens his mouth.

Always accompanied with his two lackeys Jimin and Taehyung, he walks around campus acting like a big shot, poking fun at you whenever he could. It didn’t matter whether you were focusing on your work or eating your lunch, he’d find a way to ruin it and humiliate you in front of others.

But why should that stop you from doing the same to him?

You’re well known for your excruciating punches and kicks to the stomach and the shin, and not once have you ever stopped yourself from finding an opportunity to sock him.

He walks towards you, coming a bit too close for comfort. “You think I haven’t gotten used to your punches and kicks after being hit daily for the past two years?”

You smirk, taking a step closer to him, your chests practically touching. “And you think that I’ve gained enough sympathy to stop hitting you even though that’s all I have been doing for the past two years?”

He leans closer to you, and you feel his breath fanning your lips, but you refuse to look away from his piercing gaze. “Bring it on, Min Yoongi. You think I can’t take it?”

Yoongi lets out a low chuckle, the tingling sensation from his breath lingering on your lips, before straightening his back. “Very funny,” he says curtly, turning on his heel to leave.

The moment he’s out of sight, you stamp your foot in frustration and mutter curses dedicated to him as you trudge off to your class.

Hoseok laughs when he hears about your run-in with Yoongi earlier on, and you groan, resting your head on the table. He pats your head gently, and coos, “You’ll be alright, you sweet cream puff with a cherry on the top.”

You swat his hand away, grumbling when he pinches your nose as you try to catch up on some much needed sleep. He snickers when your sweater slips and reveals your heavily bruised collarbones, jabbing at them incessantly.

“Looks like you had a really rough night.”

“I was feeling it.”

“Clearly.”

You hum in response, squinting at him when he continues to stare at your collarbones. Hoseok has never been one to question your activities late at night, but it is worth noting that lately you have been getting more and more exhausted, and the amount of hickeys left on your skin seem to be increasing. He rests his chin on his palm, shaking his head when soft snores leave your lips.

Yoongi has never been one to complain about incredibly rough sex — he absolutely loves it when girls tug and scratch to indicate that they were having a good time — especially since all his marks were covered by his oversized sweaters. He tugs at his collar to reveal the crazy amount of bruises littered all over his pale skin. He smirks, running his fingers over them lightly before arranging his sweater to cover them up again.

“Stupid girl,” he mutters under his breath. “I told her to wear something that would cover up those marks easily.”

He pulls the sleeves of his sweater over his hands, rubbing them together for heat frequently as he jogs over to the two boys sitting at a bench, conferring over something on Taehyung’s phone — probably a picture of some girl they saw on the street and thought was hot. Jimin glances up and waves him over, his erratic movements clearly show how excited he is. Yoongi rolls his eyes, dreading the upcoming conversation he was going to have with his two best friends.

Taehyung grins, shoving his phone in Yoongi’s face. “There! Don’t you think she’s cute?”

A picture of a girl they’re trying to set him up with? Oh, what a surprise.

Yoongi shrugs. “Meh, she’s okay.” He turns away from them, his eyes drifting to the sign pointing the direction to the linguistics building. The corners of his lips quirk up at the thought of you scrunching up your nose as you attempt another question that was clearly way too advanced for your level even though you were known as the “linguistics queen”.

“She’s only okay?!” Jimin screeched at his response. “Dude, you seriously have incredibly high standards. Honestly, is there even a girl for you out there?”

“Who knows?” His cryptic smile causes Taehyung and Jimin to glance at each other briefly before looking at Yoongi questioningly. All he does is shrug, mystifying the two bewildered boys even more.

He tangles your legs with his under the sheets, his fingers tracing the bruises on your collarbones. It’s moments like these that make the entire day seem more tolerable than usual.

Because lying right here with Min Yoongi bathing in the moonlight was definitely more than you could ask for.

“Silly girl,” he murmurs in your ear, “I told you to wear a hoodie to cover these up easily.”

You pout, punching his arm playfully as you snuggle into his chest. “Well, I’m sorry that I was so sleep-deprived to the point where I couldn’t think straight.”

“Well, I’m sorry for simply answering to your needs.”

“I do believe that you need to learn how to shut the fuck up because you’re just annoying,” you say, and he furrows his brow when he doesn’t understand what you just said.

“As hot as you sound when you speak in English,” he whines, wrapping his arm around your waist, “I do think that you should stop insulting me.”

You giggle, pinching his cheeks as he buries his face in the crook of your neck, occasionally blowing on the faded hickeys. His breath is warm on your skin, causing you to quiver in excitement. Because when Yoongi stares at the marks and traces them with his slender fingers, it usually leads to another intense fucking.

Though, it may not happen tonight.

“Let’s just cuddle, how about that?” He suggests, a toothy grin appearing on his face when you nod, ruffling his hair fondly.

If anyone had seen the both of you like this, they would’ve thought that they had fallen into a black hole and travelled to a parallel universe. Because who would’ve thought that the two people who loathe each other to the point where they wouldn’t hesitate to kill would end up together?

But they don’t know that opposites attract, and they don’t know that your very first interaction — actually, more like fight — was the start of something unexpected. They don’t know the soft little kisses he plants all over your arms, they don’t know the rush and the adrenaline that courses through your veins when the both of you barely escaped from the sight of one of your friends.

“Sweetie, I don’t wanna let go~” Yoongi whines, pouting slightly as you attempt to get out of his grip.

As exciting as this relationship is, you sometimes wish you didn’t have to hide all the time.

“I’m sorry, but I need to head back,” you sigh, kissing his forehead. “Seokjin’s coming back anytime soon, right? We can’t let anyone see us.”

He huffs, releasing his grip on you and lays flat on the bed. “Y’know, I sometimes wish we didn’t have to hide. It shortens my time with you.”

“Me too, Yoongi,” you say dejectedly, hanging your head. He sits up and places an arm around you, holding you close. He pecks the top of your head as he laces your fingers together.

“Next week, I’ll be able to stay with you for six whole nights. So don’t worry about it, princess.”

The both of you look at each other fondly, wishing this moment would last forever.

Until it’s broken by the jangling on keys.

“Yoongi! Are you back?”

Your eyes widen, and you scramble to grab your bag. Yoongi panics and yells, “Yep! I’m in my room!”

“I have something I need to talk to you about,” Seokjin replies, and without thinking, Yoongi shoves you into his closet.

He places a quick kiss on your lips. “I’ll get him to leave as soon as I can. Hang in there, babe.”

The closet door shuts and you’re left alone in the darkness, and the only thing you focus on is the sound of your breathing.

“It’s about that essay…”

Fucking hell, this is going to take years.

you can tell me what you think here!

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ismael37olson · 6 years

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Come and Investigate the Dark Side of Your Soul

As I wrote in my first blog post about this show, the title La Cage aux Folles can be translated a few different ways, but the one that makes most sense to me is The Cage of Madwomen. And yet, while folles usually means crazy or foolish, it's also a slang word for effeminate gay men. Think about that for a second. The name of the show -- and the name of the club at the center of our story, and the name of our show's title song about that club -- is all about ambiguity. As Georges quips in Act I, "If you can't be truthful, be vague." The title song itself, the lyric, is about how all the labels and categories are blurred, even erased, in this world. Because we don't need them. Because the world is more complex than that. It's the conservative Dindons' worst nightmare: social and cultural complexity. Or maybe we'll find out it's Mme. Dindon's liberation. (Fun fact: dindon is French for turkey.) The content of the show's title song is all about erasing the lines between male and female, moral and immoral, classy and tacky, "royalty" and "riff-raff," "Perrier" and "Canada Dry," etc. What's the point? Labels are meaningless. People are individuals. People are who they are. Labels can't contain us. So whoever and whatever you are, you're safe here at La Cage. There are no expectations, no assumptions. During one of Georges' interactions with the audience, he says, "Duchess is that you? I didn't recognize you behind the moustache. It brings out your eyes." It's funny on the surface, but it's more than that. It's also about not judging, or maybe even more than that, celebrating what makes us individual. Look at this funny, rich, subversive lyric...

It's rather gaudy but it's also rather grand; And while the waiter pads your check, he'll kiss your hand. The clever gigolos Romance the wealthy matrons, At La Cage aux Folles.

So it's gaudy (tasteless) and grand (tasteful). The waiter will steal from you and treat you warmly. And then a mention of rich women and their boy toys, right before we return to the title phrase, which means The Cage of Madwomen.

It's slightly forties, and a little bit new wave. You may be dancing with a girl who needs a shave. Where both the riff-raff And the royalty are patrons, At La Cage aux Folles.

It's both old-fashioned and up-to-date (remember, the show's set in the 1980s). And gender is ambiguous. And money doesn't mean much. And now we switch from a minor key to major.

La Cage aux Folles, The maitre d' is dashing; Cage aux Folles, The hatcheck girl is flashing. We import the drinks that you buy, So your Perrier is Canada dry!

This place is both classy -- they have a dashing maitre d' -- and tacky -- the hatcheck girl is flashing her business at passers-by. And the "foreign" is a matter of perspective. In other words, all bets are off. The usual rules don't apply here. In fact, virtually no rules apply here. Except one -- dignity. The music returns to minor...

Eccentric couples always punctuate the scene; A pair of eunuchs and a nun with a marine. To feel alive, you Get a limousine to drive you To La Cage aux Folles.

The tone changes here. It's no longer self-depricatingly ironic. This is a weird place, but it's also a good place, a safe place, an interesting place, a place where you can be fully, unapologetically you. Where you can be alive... with the obvious implication that you're probably not alive anywhere else.

It's bad and beautiful; it's bawdy and bizarre. I know a duchess who got pregnant at the bar! Just who is who And what is what is quite a question At La Cage aux Folles.

This is a place of freedom and excess. Note that it's bizarre and bawdy, even bad, but it's also beautiful. The pregnant duchess embodies the ethos of this place -- Follow Your Bliss and Discover Your True Self. And don't worry about categories, definitions, norms, proprieties...

Go for the mystery, the magic and the mood; Avoid the hustlers And the men's room and the food. For you get glamour And romance and indigestion At La Cage aux Folles.

You get everything! La Cage represents the yin and yang of our lives, in miniature. And as if in celebration of that, the music turns major as more voices join in choral harmony.

La Cage aux Folles, A St. Tropez tradition! Cage aux Folles, You'll lose each inhibition! All week long we're wondering who Left a green Givenchy gown in the loo!

That last image is so subversive. Someone left a designer gown in the restroom. It instantly conjures questions -- was it a man or woman? what were they wearing when they left? who leaves their dress in the bathroom? But all those questions tell us everything we need to know about this place. We can't impose the rules of the outside world on the people and behavior in this world. As evidenced by the next, delicious lines...

You go alone to have the evening of your life; You meet your mistress and your boyfriend and your wife! It's a bonanza, It's a mad extravaganza, At La Cage aux Folles!

Then there's a big dance break and the Cagelles dazzle us. Eventually, Albin returns... and the music returns to minor...

You'll be so dazzled by the ambiance you're in, You'll never notice that there's water in the gin. Come for a drink and you may Wanna spend the winter At La Cage aux Folles!

Sounds like fun, no? The music turns to major one more time.

La Cage aux Folles, A St. Tropez tradition; Cage aux Folles, You'll lose each inhibition. We indulge each change in your mood; Come and sip your Dubonnet in the nude.

That last image is even funnier when you know "Dubonnet" is short for "Dubonnet Rouge Grand Aperitif de France" (I didn't.) Drinking that in the nude is even funnier to me.

The Cagelles return for a can-can, the once notorious dance originally performed at the Moulin Rouge in Paris, a fitting tribute to the dancing girls that came before them. After the rowdy, carnal dance break, Albin returns and he brings the minor key -- and complexity -- back with him.

Come and allow yourself to lose your self control; Come and investigate the dark side of your soul. Come for a glimpse and you may Wanna stay forever At La Cage aux Folles! You cross the threshold and your bridges have been burned. The bar is cheering for the duchess has returned! The mood's contagious; You can bring your whole outrageous entourage! It's hot and hectic, Effervescent and eclectic, At La Cage aux Folles!

Who wouldn't want to go to a place like that? We're in Shakespeare's Woods. We're through Alice's looking glass. And we're here to learn something about ourselves. Songwriter Jerry Herman's subtle but powerful trick of switching back and forth between major and minor is really clever. The minor key gives us that sense of the dark side, the wildness, and the major key delivers the joy and playfulness. Like the rest of the show, it's ambiguous. It's the musical yin and yang of La Cage aux Folles and La Cage aux Folles, and it connects this title song to the major textual themes of the show.

In most of Jerry Herman theatre scores, he uses minor keys not to express sadness, but complexity. Look at "Ribbons Down My Back" in Hello, Dolly! and much of the score to Mack and Mabel. He does the same thing in La Cage's "Song on the Sand," which also alternates major and minor, but for a slightly different reason. Here, the intro and first verse are about an only partly remembered past, but in the second verse when Georges switches to the present, the music moves to major. But before it ends, it moves back to the past and back to minor. The past is bitter-sweet, but the present is good. Relationships are hard, but this is a strong relationship genuinely built on love.

We think of songwriter Jerry Herman as one of the shining lights at the end of the so-called "Golden Age" of musical theatre, and we lump him in with other writers of lightweight fare. But Herman didn't write fluff. Even his earlier works, Hello, Dolly! and Mame featured decidedly subversive, nonconforming women, whose nonconformity up-ends everyone and everything around them. Many stories have an "agent of chaos" who bring disruption to a story. But it's not usually the protagonist. Isn't it interesting that Herman's leading women are always the agents of chaos in their own stories? Merely the desire to control their own lives and destinies is disruptive to the men around them. Maybe that's why gay men like to read Dolly and Mame as subliminal drag queens. And after all, isn't that essentially the story of La Cage aux Folles? Albin causes chaos by being who he is, and refusing to apologize for that. And isn't that exactly the kind of disruption at the heart of progressive political activism in America right now? Who knew in 1983 that this musical would be so relevant in 2019? We open this week! Get your tickets! Long Live the Musical! Scott

from The Bad Boy of Musical Theatre http://newlinetheatre.blogspot.com/2019/02/come-and-investigate-dark-side-of-your.html

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nottheoccult · 6 years

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oblivion access: except it’s poetry

Social self-obsessive species, everything is peachy

Having cyber interactions, get erections from the TV Vocal bout opinions bout elections up in DC With a total lack of knowledge, rope around your neck was easy Chemical complaint, deformity machine Skin eraser, loss creator, poison that you breathe Traitor, parasite, xenophilic golden boy Seen him with a soy product, wrote the Village Voice about it Tell me conclusions to stories I don't have time for Situations with the information missing, misinformed We've seen the same rain through separate systems, different storms We're stacking bodies up in boxes in a distant war I eat my vegetables, I like the broccoli What is more fictitious, the gods or you and I? You needs a court's admission, you think the cops comply? I don't acknowledge systems, I never found it wise I wasn't born to just support the shit that's palpable I don't see Earth as disproportionally valuable If there's a god, I'm sure his name is unpronounceable If there's a hell, I'm sure we'll all be held accountable I drew a portrait of Abraxis on a napkin Sex has never given me an ounce of satisfaction Life throws a lot of questions but I never ask them Facts are human arrogance, we barely know a fraction I don't know anything (This is the way the world ends)

From the inside of my corpse, 30 seconds is like a century Imprisoned in necrotic flesh Cognizant beyond my death Paralyzed and frozen in this carnal penitentiary Lucidly projecting hellish spectres Ghoulish architecture, enveloped In a darkness far beyond my mind can measure Suffocating violent pressure It just goes on forever, are these electro- Magnetic hallucinations? Is this everybody's afterlife or something I've created? Abandoned and dismissed in a flaccid Impotence with the cold illumination that I no longer exist In a grave within a grave It was the first time I prayed, no one There to tell me that I shouldn't be afraid Falling endlessly deeper, yet immobile and still In this infinite aethyr washing over My filth, neither angels or reapers or ghosts were fulfilled Just a cavity to soak up my guilt In my depravity, the flowers Up above me wilting down so they can laugh at me To think we spend our lives Convinced we understand agony, a familiar Voice: "He's finally at peace" Shrieking through the silence to remind me I'm deceased I tried to answer but the dead can't Speak, the biggest prison in the world's underground six feet

I got soaked through the rainiest days They made me this way Should have left the street but it paid me to stay The path that I walked on was paving my pain So I strayed and laid bricks for the opposite lane If you ain't rich you don't play about that gwop I view the city like a section of a swamp A lot of shit grows but nothing that you want A lot of shit gross and that's just being blunt Bitches acting foul and bitches wanna stunt But nothing ever change until you willing to confront Crooked cop, crooked cop, yeah, I see him too Erry' person has autonomy, we ain't got a clue I know it sound hazy when I twist that J That Richtown way, these dummies catch a 6 round fade And yeah I know them hunnies got them big round things But really don't give a fuck about that blasé blasé I play the resurrector like the Tribe cassette Cuz your third eye is just a fucking hole in your head I play the resurrector like the Tribe cassette Cuz your third eye is just a fucking hole in your head Gallon after gallon, brain's wet Seeing dead shit, morning never happened I'm still somewhere in my head space Walked for blocks, never figured out my destination 40 Glock pops, talk a cop into resignation I'm a mental patient, safety's not a strong suit Wrongdoer, safety off, one chambered, I'm dog puke Tell them shoot or just get off me, sociopathy probably Shit that bothers y'all probably never bothers me Told you not to follow me, newspaper's a shit show "Idiot with a slit throat stuffs coke in his pisshole Kills family with missiles" "Politician fucks bitches with issues" Everything I read is just a sick joke It never really registered as funny Rather figure out the time they fill the registers with money It never really registered as funny Rather figure out the time they fill the registers with money

I'm blowing on a backwood stuffed with psychiatrics Coughing with a hack like a playa out of practice 20 in my nose whatever get it done the fastest Eyes closed praying for apocalypse disasters No gods no masters no befores no afters Ugly mane will make you disappear just like a rapture Dodging destiny still the coffin like a bed to me The voices spoke incessantly My pride is what they fed to me Tried to read the messages but words was wrote illegibly Hennessy suppressing all my memories Mirror showed me glimpses of the enemies possessing me Toxic thought telepathy Living legacy Rocking weapons like accessories, dying for supremacy Really we're as significant as centipedes Crawl around the earth with no identities You're not special, don't pretend to be Your tendencies are so predictable it's difficult to remedy I could read a billion books still not know what pill I took I could have a million guns still walk with Achilles foot

HE USED TO LAUGH THE LOUDEST/NOW IT NEVER SHOWS HE TRIED TO BE THE TALLEST/BUT HE NEVER GROWS HE WATCHED HIS BROTHER DIE AND NEVER TOLD LOOKED AROUND AND KNEW HE HAD TO GO HE KNEW HIS FATHER HAD A BETTER DREAM BUT YOU CAN’T LEARN FROM WHAT YOU NEVER SEEN HE TRIED TO MINGLE WITH THESE JEALOUS THIEVES WATCH A HUMAN INTERACT WITH A MACHINE WATCH A HUMAN INTERACT WITH A MACHINE WATCH A HUMAN GET ABUSED BY A MACHINE WATCH A HUMAN GETTING USED BY A MACHINE NOW HE’S USELESS AND HE’S STUPID AND OBSCENE HE NEVER LEAVES HE NEVER LEAVES HE COMES AND HE GOES BUT HE NEVER LEAVES HE NEVER BREATHES HE NEVER BREATHES HE INHALES AND HE EXHALES BUT HE NEVER BREATHES

I fell apart and took my mind with me. i have been barely sustaining My pain just marinating. i fell apart and took my mind with me. just a Ghost cloaked in lies with a broken spine. i fell apart and took my mind With me. just an unrecognizable creature caught under an avalanche I fell apart and took my mind with me. my presence unnerving. im a Shadow always lurking. surrounded by death. even the towel rack Reminds me of the handles pallbearers grip tightly on the way out of Church. what they use to lift you up into the back of that hearse. i see A woman tighten grip on her purse. can’t be offended. she doesnt Know my intentions. she imagines the worse. around here. the Conditions severe. around here. you tightrope between detachment And fear. between the shattered fragments of existence that collapse And appear. never changes. just exacerbates depression deeper year And year. pain weaving in. pain weaving out. heartworms. sharpturns Sparsewords. scarsburns. i spent a long time dying. dont wake me up Yet. public executions. you’ll never see me upset. forcefed myself with Blow but now i settle for sedatives. no longer in the street. i belong in The crevices. positively negative. popular ive never been. hard to be a Person when you lack the mental requistes. emotionally deficit Consumed with all the wretchedness. not optimist or pessimist. my Politics are in exodus. spouting countless fountains out while drowning In the brine. my lifes the foulest algorithm science can't define. they Trap you in these systems that are phallic in design. because they fuck You in the mind. boy. they fuck you all the time. i fell apart and took My mind with me. being strung up at the ligaments with cultural Derivatives. i fell apart and took my mind with me. pronounced dead By a nemesis. a doubt without a benefit. i fell apart and took my mind with Me. just a cluster of atoms thrust deep in a chasm. i feel apart and now Your mind is with me. smoke in your eyes. the worlds a joke in disguise

Funny how the hours stretch and melt away my empathy Persistence of a memory Everything is very temporary except decisions Just a navigation of this future I envisioned Humoring these people that too stupid to be living An arbitrary figment A movement that I never was Obvious when people seem different than the rest of us Or think less of us Only hoes I care about Pumping in the pipe fumes Car running, windows up Hoping I'll die soon Night time Eyes dilate bigger than bike tubes That's the reason that I stay up past the sunset "I liked your record! Where's the new one? Is it done yet?" Problems that I run from impossible to sublet You don’t want them either There's a fever in the subtext Boiled all the mercury I questioned what it's worth to me Hard liquor fire breath Slurred dialect In the mist like Bix Beiderbecke With overdose side effects Probably take a Prilosec and try to get some rest Cut the Midas fingers off and never sign a check "What about your future?" I-D-G-A-F World so cold I can see they breath Feeling like distance is a bitch to express Pissing upstream when your dick is erect Or when you're picking up steam and get a fist in the chest

I'm dead meat, I'm dead weight Dragging my body, holding my chin straight Probably never make it home again at this pace Waking the Devil up cause I've been staying at his place I'm dead meat, I'm dead weight Dragging my body, holding my chin straight Probably never make it home again at this pace Waking the Devil up cause I've been staying at his place I'm dead meat, I'm dead weight Dragging my body, holding my chin straight Probably never make it home again at this pace Waking the Devil up cause I've been staying at his place I'm dead meat, I'm dead weight Dragging my body, holding my chin straight Probably never make it home again at this pace Waking the Devil up cause I've been staying at his place

Funny how the hours stretch, melt away my empathy Persistence of a memory Funny how the hours stretch, melt away my empathy Persistence of a memory Funny how the hours stretch, melt away my empathy Persistence of a memory Funny how the hours stretch, melt away my empathy Persistence of a memory Funny how the hours stretch, melt away my empathy Persistence of a memory Funny how the hours stretch, melt away my empathy Persistence of a memory Funny how the hours stretch, melt away my empathy Persistence of a memory Funny how the hours stretch, melt away my empathy Persistence of a memory

Back when I was 15 it seemed Ugly was untouchable What, they gonna throw me in the juvy for a month or two? Try me, I still ain't doin' nothing that you want me to Cuttin' and disrupting every classroom discussion Cussin' out my mom, puffin' blunts, gettin' dusted Overwhelmed with distrust in everything that I wasn't Things I know now (I guess I felt 'em back then): Power and control reflect fear among men The shit that they condemn you can see amongst them So I never ever ever want to be amongst them See a landscape littered with the blisters of potential People letting ghosts govern most of they mental The opposite adults your folks hope you'd resemble Doomed from the get like a goat in the temple Hard to not dwell among fear Knowing that the court treat crime so severe But I'm blowin' smoke out the window being so cavalier Sh-shakin' up the bottle when I open the beer Only obligation is to prosper in my operations Money motivations stay gaudy ostentatious Ain't even a challenge cuz the rap game basic I ain't heard talent since ["Incarcerated Scarfaces" Sample] Face it, it's fact not assumption Rap sound like shit like "ship" with the fronts in Hate getting lumped in, giant next to munchkins Catch me on the other side wildin' in the dungeon

You got sativa, ignite it World stiff as arthritis Dreaming about a crisis, all I fucking hear is sirens Climates turn to ice and your life turn to lifeless Sitting on my throne, I'm alone in the silence First hit the wax then you exhale the vapor Economies collapse and your stack just some paper Running round a maze while they laugh in your faces Rather burn down the city get me fucking 50 acres Slugs are just snails without shells The perception: evolution fucked them over and failed But they survive without protection in this jungle they dwell With giants throwing salt on all their people Can't consider them frail Spit vinegar in sour times Live under the power lines I'm just a bag of tumors full of alkaline All you do is carve them out and sew up any abscess Go about your business, keep your distance from the dragnets Backseat driving, passenger traveling Bumming a ride in my own brain Pointless meandering, using the vanity mirror to break up the cocaine Loitering, lost in a memory somewhere between a first kiss and a dope vein Nursing myself as an infant and in the same instant I'm shackled and cuffed and restrained How does this fucking pertain to anything other than coping with pain? All of the time I spent hoping to change Just an obsession with stoking the flames Haunted, something hovers over me I feels its breath The skeletal projection of accumulated stress

That could be our teenager, that could be our kid doing that. How could that possibly happen?

I got bad news Nothing really changes We just wander aimless Friends turn into strangers Chalk up my exchanges and discard the conversations As just carcasses for vultures in decomposition stages Endless entertainment for these culture commentators Stylish innovators that just vanish minutes later Say "his style is very painterly" But painting's not an art Art is tricking you with statements that the painter's painting art Without an explanation, it's just pretty little marks The market sold imagination just to keep you in the dark Like you bitches need a cosign to rock a fashion Like you can't see a bigger picture without a caption Until some critic go and write it out A long winded trite amount of words That you can slide around some websites and fight about Meaning's what your life's without Surf until you're wiping out Conservation activist You're living with your lights out

What's it all mean? What's he saying when he says it? What's the underlying topic? What's the motive in his message? But what if he was bored and there was no between the lines It was a way to pass the time, he liked the way it rhymed What if he was bored and there was no between the lines It was a way to pass the time, he liked the way it rhymed

What's it all mean? What's he saying when he says it? What's the underlying topic? What's the motive in his message?

You know what the rattling pieces are in this, don't you? Some little pieces of buffalo chicken

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survivorindia · 7 years

Text

Whatever Forever- jaiden (Episode 3)

Anyway!!!!!!!! I just got elimed and whew I'm just feeling so many emotions. Maybe I shouldn't have thrown the immunity to save lexi, maybe I should've kept ace over Ashley,maybe I never really had a chance in this game in the first place. Overall? I just feel bad for promising lexi that I'd help keep her in the game and then immediately flopping, and for Kendall, leaving my one tru ally by herself, I hope the swap goes in her favour and that both of them can vote out the rest of the returnee heroes, some revenge is always nice TBH. Ashley, gav and Alex, I really did trust two of you and I was gonna stay loyal so it sucks that y'all flipped so easily, of course the fact that Ashley had an idol probably wasn't the best thing, but we could've figured something out. I hope the three of you get elimed soon or at least prejury bc you know the great dan whatever his last name is said flippers never win and well it's no fun seeing snakes get far either TBH ! And I know y'all won't be reading this til later but good luck newbies I hope y'all truly slay this game bc really some of these returnees I would really rather see get elimed except maybe Kendall and Jordan pines. This has been a fun game for the most part, the challenges were great, the hosts were greater (even David Robb) and I met some good people in my short stay here! Do I have some regrets? Yeah but I wouldn't have wanted to play this game any other way. Keep an eye out for me in the returnee season :~) single digits I'm still coming for ya!

So not much has happened this round. We won, yet again. And my #1 ally out of everyone in this game, my good friend Monte, was sadly voted out. But best believe I'm gonna win this game for him!

What in the heckie is Nicole doing?

What the FUCK? These people need to CHILL out. It's our fault - we made the mistake, the hosts don't have to babysit us every step of the way. Now we gotta own it and win this tiebreaker - honestly, Danny g'luck (I WAS FORCED TO MAKE THIS S/O) to these people, because they are getting on my nerves with their complaining rn.

We keep winning. I love that. But Jordan Pines might wanna blindside me... so to that I say:

Am I exaggerating? A little bit. I think. I don't know. I'm being weird and emotional so idk what the fuck I'm actually thinking... I hope I get voted out next at this point yay

Okay, everyone listening? Two common misconceptions about pegging: If a man likes pegging, he must be gay. If you peg a straight man, he will become gay. Cue Laughter and Eye Roll - Both of these are so ridiculous as to be laughable on so many levels. Gender preference has nothing to do with the sex toys you like to play with...or the area of your body you like your partner to play with. For those of you who have fears around this - please excuse the laughter...though I do find the concept quite humorous. Think of it this way...If a straight man enjoys getting pegged by a woman there is no reason whatsoever to think that all of a sudden he will crave sex with men. Just like if a straight woman enjoys receiving oral sex from a man there is no reason whatsoever to think that she will suddenly want to be a lesbian. See how silly that sounds? (Now if the man is bisexual, just ignore all this and go to the next blog post because he prefers both genders so these points are moot.) A man who wants his ass fucked is gay, you say? Bullshit. (I seem to be in a sassy mood tonight.) Remember, the male ass is the source of an amazing amount of pleasure via the prostate gland. Whether a man experiences that pleasure from his lady's finger(s), his own finger(s), a toy (there are so many), his lady’s strap-on, a butt plug, his partner's finger(s) or his partner's cock makes no difference. All of the above are simply various examples of the pursuit of pleasurable sensations from an ass. Many really nice toys are specifically made for anal pleasure! That should give you a bit of pause. Maybe the people buying these items know something....just like the 150 - 200 million gay men in the world. But wait - I'm probably confusing you... Unexplored Ecstasy - The point here is that anal exploration is about pleasure, not an indicator of gender preference. What I find a shame is that so many straight men will not indulge in that pleasure because of these misconceptions along with the bullshit social stigma attached to it. Maybe it's just me (standing here ready with my strap-on), but that sounds like a lot of pleasure being abstained from...and oh my the word abstinence in any form is not a popular one amongst the pleasure seekers that have found their way to Pegging Paradise! I am certain there are men out there who secretly would love to have their ass teased with...well, a variety of things. These men hesitate to ask for it because they fear their partner's reaction to their request or the reaction of others if they found out. All of this is fed by the original misconceptions as well as a puerile dose of idiotic homophobia. Get over it, people! I know...easier for me to say here in Southern California when some of you might be in conservative strait-laced sex-negative hell somewhere. But hey - we need to start somewhere, right? Are you going to let other people's narrow-minded attitudes affect your pursuit of pleasure in the privacy of your own bedroom (hotel room, board room, etc)? I think not. No Fear - So Ladies, I urge you to get over your own fears that if you fuck your man in the ass with a strap-on dildo the gay fairy will instantly appear and sprinkle him with magic gay dust and you will lose him forever to his own gender. Okay? If you can't let go of that fear, you have no business strapping on a dildo. I mean really...are you going to follow him around after you fuck him and be suspicious of all of his encounters with males? Let it go, ladies. And when you get your man where you want him and you have your way with him...don't kiss and tell. Especially if you live in one of those strait-laced sex-negative hell places I spoke of previously. Instead, treasure the vulnerability your man has shared with you and let him know that come hell or high water or nosy girlfriends, he can trust you to keep that part of your sex life confidential. Pleasure Seeking - Gentlemen, the other part of the formula here is you. If you are clear about which gender you prefer, that's your stable base. Do your best to let go of any homophobic comments you have heard, read or even, heaven forbid, said. Your anus is a part of your body that, when properly stimulated, offers a whole new world of pleasure. Orgasms with anal stimulation are most times much more intense and produce much more cum (that's always fun). Given just that, why wouldn't you want to at least check it out? If you love it, all that means is that you love getting fucked with a strap-on by the woman who makes you hot. There is no "Insta-gay" phenomenon that happens if your lady pegs you. As one man put it: I like breasts with my strap-on, thank you! Pegger/Peggee - Wouldn't it be awesome if people who were into pegging walked around in T-Shirts that said, simply, "Pegger" or "Peggee"? I mean - relatively few people who are not kink-oriented know the sexual meaning of the word so lovingly created by Dan Savage. So the masses of people leading lives of quiet desperation (read: sex-negative) wouldn't have a clue what it meant. And if asked, one could always say with a smile, "Look it up on Wikipedia". Just make sure it's a cat-that-ate-the-canary smile as you say the words and they just might look it up. Presto, you have just spread the word about a luscious, sexy, pleasure-filled act that couples can add to their carnal repertoire. You may have changed their lives forever...in a rather explosive way.

AHAHAHAHAHA @GAVIN

THOSE BOYS WANT TRIBAL TN BECAUSE WE LOST IMMUNITY AND IM SO FUCKING NERVOUS I DONT WANT TO DIE I HAVE SO MANY PLANS IF JORDAN SACRIFICE ME FOR NICOLE OKOKOKOK

So... mission successful. Let's quickly debrief: 1. Ashley trusts me a lot more after I told her details that Alex told me in private. Making Ashley feel like she was on shaky ground further resulted in her letting me know that she has an idol. Whether or not it is true is besides the point... the true crux of the matter is that I have Ashley left in the game with three people she can't trust and me... so that means I ought to be her #1. 2. Alex and I are as tight as ever. Even despite giving Ashley information, I was able to quickly fix that bond. I genuinely like and trust Alex, but I can't let the cloud my judgement. He's very close to Kendall, which scares me, but I have looked to leverage that in our post-tribal call. In my conversations with Alex, I want to make him feel like he is calling the shots while still looking to provide input. Thus far, I think I have done that. With Ashley allegedly having the idol (information that was supposed to be "kept secret" but was totally not "kept secret" xD), I have talked to Alex extensively about the next vote and I've made a deal with him to take out Karen rather than Kendall... while also *hopefully* keeping Ashley's idol in play. My goal here is to come out of this with both Ashley and Alex working independently, but all in all, nonetheless in my best interests. In short, the way this tribe seems to be shaking out is that there is this façade of autonomy and power that Karen and Kendall have. They have this illusion that they call the shots, while it really is Alex and I that hold the cards in this dynamic. Kendall, to get Alex completely on my side... I need to spare you to gain his trust, BUT MARK MY WORDS I'M GOING FOR YOU! *Nothing against you, just your social game is very very strong but annoyingly obvious too ;3* Oh. And Ace got voted out too... I guess.

I never really made an opening confessional, so here I go I guess? I am really... really excited to be back. It's so easy for so many people to say "Oh yeah I've played a ton, people want me back." We see it with a ton of people, and that's not a bad thing. People want to see them back for a big reason. But I never had that. Coming off of Malaysia I was hated and people did not really respect me for who I was and thought that I was some awful person and player. It definitely hit me hard a bit, but at the time I was like, okay that's fine, there's other seasons. Tumblr does a lot. And so I applied. I applied for Sri Lanka with Marie and didn't make it. I applied for Rebels vs Rogues and didn't make it. I applied for Bora Bora and didn't make it. I believe I applied for Generations and wasn't casted, or I didn't believe I was going to have time due to time conflicts. I wasn't contacted for Maldives. I missed the application for Tenochtitlan. I applied for Sicily and didn't make it. I believe I applied for Bangladesh and didn't make it. I wasn't contacted for Arabia (though there may have been apps and I missed it). I wasn't contacted for Myanmar. And I was super excited to finally get this chance to play in Lazio but I missed the acceptance of my application. And going back to all the times I had tried to play or just was kind of ignored it was rough. I kind of thought I was done. And now I'm here playing in India. After over a year on and off of trying to play this game again. And to be honest, I'm hella pumped. Because I've missed out on so many chances to play. I think it says something when even parts of my Malaysia cast aren't even excited to see me on the season. This is kind of my opportunity to prove people wrong. My personality showed even at this Tribal where I literally told Gavin his answer to the Tribal Question was awful and completely wrecked Ace after he wished us a heartfelt goodbye. I want people to know that I am playing as hard as I can. I'm not here to change who I am to impress people. I'm here to show who I am so that I can prove to people that I'm not some worthless player who doesn't deserve to be back; I definitely feel like some people think that is the truth. I'm going to prove people wrong. Count on it.

I know I said I wanted to be a villain but goddamn, this is pretty fucked up. Oh right context because mind reading technology hasn't been invented quite yet. To make a long story short, Karen made an alliance chat with our victim (Ashley) and now it has a name and now it is terrible. Alex brings up voting Karen and that raisin I call a heart was all like "YAAASS QUEEN!" And my brain was tempted by the #bigmove but getting rid of Karen... is truthfully not to my benefit. Sure Karen is manipulative but she seems to trust me. She confides in me with information and she includes me in all her fucked up little schemes. In a sense, I'm the Trish to her Tony. If Trish and Tony were two gay and emotionally stunted children of course. Plus she has the connections to the other side that could get us far into the game and I am confident enough in our friendship that she will stay by my side. Of course, I will remain wary of her but for now I think our relationship is mutually beneficial. Karen needs me for back up in her schemes. I need Karen to get where I want to get. She gives me information. Information I can collect in to a giant web of evidence, so when the day comes when I turn on her, I'll have the evidence via receipts to back me up. Karen never deletes anything, I am planning on using that to my advantage.

So I was reallllyyyyyy close to using my idol tonight, and I totally would have wasted it if I had. Gavin advised me that I would be okay, and so did Alex and Kendall but like something didn't feel right. I had heard that Ace heard my name from Karen and I was like well shit. She had literally just today come to me and told me that we were all good and that she didn't hold the last game we played together against me. Like there are no hard feelings. but due to everything that was happening I kind of doubted that. But tbh I love Gavin and Alex and really hope we can work together for the next few rounds. Or even longer, who knows. I still am unsure about Karen and Kendall, as I don't really know them that well. But hopefully everything works out.

Oh I also definitely told Gavin I have an idol.... idiot move? We shall see.

I am so glad we won immunity. It for sure would have been me or Lexi next if we had gone to tribal. It looks like Johnny and Whitney aren't too upset that I didn't vote with them but I can't take my chances. I had been searching for the idol for a while with no luck so I asked Lexi to help me find it. She found it within a few hours lol. We didn't find the idol but we found the idol grid. It's relieving to know it couldn't have been found right away. This gives me and her time to find it. Hopefully we'll get it before anyone else and we'll be set for the rest of the time on this tribe. I doubt anyone else on our tribe has found the idol page or would suspect that we found it. I'm thinking long term so the game plan would be using the idol on lexi and getting rid of Liam. If we happen to go to a tribal council after that we could try to get Whitney or Johnny to flip to our side. Even if they don't want to we can always force a tie so Lexi and I still have a strong chance of succeeding. We just have to find that idol!

This has been a crazy round. I'm glad the immunity challenge was changed to something that required more skill. The tribe worked very well as a team. There's an obvious divide between us so I'm glad we were able to get some time to bond and unite. As for the results, it was upsetting that the returnee heroes made such a big deal out of not getting theirs in on time. The rules clearly stated it was first to 10 pm. I'm sure we would've accepted defeat if we didn't send it faster than them. It was bad sportsmanship on their part. The tiebreaker was so stressful. I stepped up and I was so afraid of letting the team down. I knew if we went to tribal my only ally left, Lexi, would be voted off. There was a lot of pressure on me and I was honestly so anxious. I felt so victorious beating Kendall by 7 minutes. I hope my tribemates remember this next time we go to tribal and don't vote me out. I feel like I've done a lot for our tribe so I think I'm safe for now. I'm really hoping the tribe swap comes within the next two rounds. We can only win so many immunities and Lexi and I are on the bottom so we really need it asap.

#youdontgetmycrownjustcause

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