#caregiversmatter

[cmgnursing]

[simplelittlebrowngirljae]

The Other Chronic Illness Warrior--- The Caregiver

Take Care of Yourself

 Editor’s notes: I am proud to be able to share this story from a caregiver. Often times, we don’t think about how much of a burden the caregivers carry. They too become a patient in a sense. They are the one’s going to the doctors’ appointments, making meals and filling in the gaps. They also become the voice and the advocate for the patient when it gets hard for them to vocalize. CiCi has been a caregiver for over 17 years and has graciously shared her journey as a caregiver over the years. She hopes that her account can help and encourage anyone else who is walking this path. Enjoy!

This is my story – and I am grateful to share.   Caring for another person can take a toll on you emotional and physically.  

When my husband had his first heart attack seventeen years ago, I was working full-time and I thought I could handle all that was expected of me as a caregiver.  Not so.  This was just the beginning of four more heart attacks, six lumbar surgeries, and a recent cervical spine surgery.  After one of my husband back surgeries, not only did he have post-operative complications, but he became septic and was rushed to the hospital again.  

When you go through the first traumatic experience, you tell yourself “I can handle this – no problem.” This may be true for the short term, but not long term.   I have been a caregiver for 18 years and it does not get easier.  You are on the clock almost 24/7.  

Even with Family Medical Leave which was great, it was difficult to work full time and take care of my loved one.  My days started very early in the mornings; going to the hospital, then to work.  At lunch time back to the hospital and then return to work.  Then after work back to hospital until visiting hours are over.  

Next was home care – bathing, wound care, medication monitoring, meals, medical appointments and chauffeur.  In addition you are responsible for washing, house cleaning, and being responsible for bills and the everyday running of the home.  This pattern was for every hospitalization.  I am grateful for assistance from family, church, friends, etc. However, this is not always available and then you begin to collapse.

After my retirement in 2016, I thought things would get easier because I didn’t have to worry about work; however this was not the case…I gained another full time job in being a caregiver.  As time progressed, my husband is now dealing with memory loss, hearing loss in addition to more complex medical problems and another pending surgery this year.  Being a full time care giver never stops and the ones we care for don’t understand the mental and physical strain that the caregivers experience.   At times my loved one becomes very difficult to deal with because he doesn’t want help; he falls a lot, drops things, and at times displays irate behaviors.  Then the “Blame Game” begins.  At times it can be very exhausting.  Now added to all of the other stress and recovery from his most recent surgery, there is another major pending surgery this year.

In my experiences, some of the best advice I can offer is this: keep oneself healthy and stable and most importantly, seek HELP!  This may be from family, friends, church, etc.  Try to make sure you keep as normal of a routine as possible.  Even if it means getting a sitter (if needed) for a couple of hours, so errands can be done safely.  “Remember to put on your oxygen mask first!”  Love doesn’t stop; it just takes you down a different path – that is life, for better or worse.  Manage your expectations and outcomes or they will manage you!

-Thoughts from CiCi, a caregiver of over 17 years

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[cpawaremom]

#strength #journey #hope #caregiversmatter

[cmgnursing]

[simplelittlebrowngirljae]

What I Learned Watching My Parents Age....

This season on This Is Us, we watch Randall, Kate and Kevin deal with health issues affecting their mother. At first, it is Randall who notices subtle changes in their mother's health issues. He brings up his observations to his mom, Rebecca, and she becomes defensive. But then she has increased difficulty, so much so it scares her and realizes that things are changing rapidly and she needs some help. So she confides in Randall and swears him to secrecy.

Some time passes and the opportunity for Rebecca to spend a weekend with Kate presents and Kate dishes about her insecurities and difficulties. Rebecca gives advice and then eventually feels comfortable in telling Kate of her declining health. Kate is saddened but Rebecca reassures her that all is well and she is handling it with pride. Of course, that leaves Kevin as the last to know and there is apprehension to loop him in. Eventually they tell their sibling and of course he is upset that he is the last to know but the siblings unite in the end.

Watching these episodes this season has allowed  me to reflect on my own aging parents and how my mom has become a caregiver to my father.  And how she has had to deal with the appointments, mood swings, medications, surgeries and whatever else has been thrown at her. Of course when she said in sickness and in health, she vowed to be there but imagined colds and the man flu I'm sure. But didn't expect 15 back surgeries, 4 heart attacks and staph infections and many other issues. She has been there to support him. And over the years I too have watched them age and watched my mother's stress increase because of the mounting issues and never ending pain, accidents and stubbornness.

So watching This Is Us was a direct parallel to real life and how parents aren't Super Heroes.... they truly do age. And even though I have my issues I deal with, I still try to help my mom and give her rest or go to appointments with her to help her understand things better and to ask the tough questions. In watching my parents age, I learned it's overwhelming and hard but you need support. And us children need to be there. We have to refill the parent's buckets just like they did ours while we were growing up. And most importantly, I learned that patience with yourself is perhaps the best foundation and goes a long way.