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kasienda · 2 years ago

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You Don’t Have to Pretend with Me

“Can I talk to you?”

Carapace sighed at the question. “Yeah, of course.” And he obediently followed Ladybug.

“What do you have against Chat Noir?”

“Nothing!” he denied.

She gave him a flat disbelieving look.

“He has something against me!” Carapace insisted.

“Nino, I don’t get it. You’re one of the most chill, accepting guys I know. And Chat is the sweetest! I need both of you on the team. I literally don’t have anyone else I trust to replace either of you. I need you to get along. You think you can do that?”

Nino felt like he was being chastised by his mother for not getting along with his little brother.

He nodded. “Yeah, I will try.”

It shouldn’t be that hard. Nino didn’t not like Chat Noir. He thought the dude was cool and hilarious. His sense of humor reminded him of Adrien. Things hadn’t always been tense between them. When they fought back to back during Heroes’ Day, it had felt like they were brothers.

But it was clear to him that Chat Noir wasn’t his biggest fan. The other hero had been welcoming and kind to Rena Rouge on day one, to the point of borderline flirting (and Nino wasn’t a huge fan of that even now), while he had always been somewhat aloof with Carapace.

Then there was the whole Chat Noir is stealing my girl thing. And even though he knew that wasn’t what happened, it was hard to just let go of all those feelings, especially since Chat Noir had been acting differently around him after Rocketear. And maybe he had a right to be after Nino's akuma had thrown him into a van, but it wasn’t like Chat Noir knew that Nino and Carapace were the same person, so why had he started avoiding Carapace?

With all of that, it was easy to snap at the other hero.

...

Adrien couldn’t figure out why things between Adrien and Nino had always been so easy when things between Chat Noir and Carapace felt so hard.

Like, he knew he was different as Chat, but he was far less different as Adrien with Nino than anyone else. Or he had been before Rocketear.

And now? Now, he had no idea how he was supposed to act. Had no idea what Nino wanted from Chat Noir, but it was very clear he wasn’t measuring up.

Had Nino just taken pity on him that first day of school? Maybe Adrien was irritating all the time and Nino was just too kind to show it. Did Nino actually like him at all?

“Dude, you okay?” Nino interrupted his musings.

Adrien started and looked up into warm concerned golden eyes, and sucked in a breath.

That had to be sincere, right? Nino wasn’t pretending to care. He wouldn’t have asked if he didn’t care.

“Mec! What’s wrong?” Nino asked again.

“Nothing!” Adrien lied, pasting on a bright smile.

Nino frowned. “This is clearly not nothing.”

“I…” Adrien didn’t know how to talk about any of this.

“I don’t mean to pressure you,” Nino backpedaled immediately. “If you don’t want to talk, you don’t have to. I just…” Nino pursed his lips before pinning him with a look Adrien didn’t know how to interpret. “You don’t have to pretend. Not with me. Not ever.”

Adrien nodded, but he couldn’t be reassured. Because he knew Nino was wrong.

He had to pretend when he was Chat Noir.

And he knew that he wasn’t being completely fair, that Nino thought he was two different people.

But the hurt was still there, and Adrien didn’t know how to erase those feelings when he was hanging out with Nino.

And since he couldn’t explain any of it without revealing secrets he wasn’t allowed to share, he didn’t know how to stop pretending. That’s just what he did.

…

Nino watched as Adrien walked away. He didn’t know what he was doing wrong, but Adrien was distant. He wasn’t talking to him anymore. Not about school or home. Not even about stupid stuff like the latest anime he was obsessed with. And to make it worse, Adrien gave him more and more false platitudes and fake smiles.

Adrien was treating him the same way he treated Chloe. With polite indifference.

Nino couldn’t help but wonder what he had done wrong.

Nino kept trying though. He sent Adrien a bunch of cat memes, tried to invite him out to lunch, shared some of the music that he was working on, and he had asked what was wrong so many times, Nino suspected they were both sick of hearing it.

But Nino couldn’t give up.

Because what if this had nothing to do with Nino at all?! What if something horrible had happened to Adrien and he was just like this with everyone now?

He’d have to watch Adrien the next time he was around Marinette to check, but in the meantime, Nino wanted to break something.

And unfortunately for probably everyone, it was Chat Noir who happened to cross his path first.

…

It took Chat about a moment after Carapace had snapped at him to find his voice. And if it had been anyone else, anyone besides Nino, he probably could have taken it in stride. But it was Nino and Adrien was tired of pretending everything was okay.

“What the hell is your problem? What did I ever do to you? Why do you hate me?” he demanded.

Carapace froze, his eyes wide and startled. “I don’t know!”

“You don’t know why you hate me?” Chat repeated in disbelief. That seemed kinda shallow for Nino.

“No! That’s not what I meant. I don’t know what my problem is. I swear I don’t actually hate you, dude.”

“You don’t?” Chat wasn’t sure he believed it.

Carapace slid to the ground and buried his head in his knees. He wasn’t shaking, so Chat didn’t think he was crying. At least, not yet.

“Are you okay?” Chat asked, falling into an awkward crouch near Carapace’s huddled form, but not anywhere as close that Nino would think he was pushing into his space.

Carapace shook his head, finally looking up. “I’m really angry.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. I pride myself on being totally chill. A completely low maintenance dude. But lately, it seems like everyone is mad at me. And I don’t know why. And I don’t know how to fix any of it!”

“Who’s mad at you?”

“Who isn’t?!” Carapace snapped.

Chat was silent.

Carapace sighed and looked back at him. “Sorry. I don’t mean to unload on you. You probably don’t care about my problems. I know I’ve been a jerk to you. You’re just… larger than life, ya know? Doesn’t seem like anything can hurt you. And I…” he trailed off, not sure what he was saying.

“You’re jealous of me?”

Carapace shook his head. “No, that’s not it. It’s more like, I have to be strong for everyone. And you, you seem like you can take anything that life throws at you.”

“I’m your scapegoat,” Chat realized out loud. The tension in his body faded and he slowly took a seat next to Carapace. Closer than Chat probably would have, but not as close as Adrien wanted to. “Someone who can handle you lashing out at them.”

“Dude! I’m sorry! That’s so messed up. I didn’t even realize I was doing it. But yeah, I think that’s what I’ve been doing. With Alya, I didn’t want to be mad at her. It was easy to be mad at you instead - some anonymous hero who never seemed to like me anyway.”

“What made you think I didn’t like you?”

“You referred to me as the turtle when we met.”

“What?”

“When Rena joined the team, you were excited. You said her name and flirted with her.”

“I didn’t flirt with her!” Chat objected.

Carapace arched an eyebrow at him.

“I was just… trying to be charming. How do you know about it anyway?” Chat shook his head before the question was finished. “Right. You guys are dating.”

“Dated.”

Chat stopped breathing. “Y-You broke up?”

Carapace shrugged. “Yeah, it’s probably my fault. I guess I’m not good at this whole communication thing. I guess when I’m upset I just put my head in my shell and pretend it’s not happening.”

Chat swallowed hard and looked away. “How long ago?”

“About a month.”

“A month?!” Chat hissed. “Why didn’t… I mean, have you talked about this with anyone?”

Carapace shook his head. “There’s no one to talk to.”

“There’s no one?” The heavy sadness struck him in the chest harder than any hit he had ever taken. He had been so busy feeling hurt, he hadn’t realized Nino was hurting too.

“I’ve been pretty lonely most of my life,” Carapace said. “I was friendly with everyone, but I was never good at making friends.”

Chat drank in every word. This was all news to him.

“I thought that was changing. I made this really great friend at the beginning of last year and then there was Alya. And it just felt like everything was right. And then she broke up with me. And my best friend…” he trailed off. He didn’t even know what happened with Adrien.

“Yeah?”

Carapace shrugged. “I don’t know! He just clammed up one day. Started pasting on fake smiles the way he does for everyone else. He won’t tell me anything. And I’m scared he’s mad at me, but I don’t know what I did! And if he’s not mad at me, I’m terrified something happened to him and if he’s not talking to me, he’s not talking to anyone.”

To Chat’s horror, Nino started crying.

“I just love the dude so much,” his voice cracked. “I feel like I lost him too and honestly, that has hurt more than losing Al- I mean Rena. Fuck! I totally blew my identity this conversation, didn’t I?”

Chat burst into laughter. “If it makes you feel better, I already knew.”

Carapace’s face fell. “Oh. Is that… is that why you’ve been weird with me since Rocketear?”

“Sort’ve,” Chat hedged. It was really more complicated than a jealous Rocketear trying to thrash Chat Noir into tiny pieces.

“I’m really sorry for that whole mess.”

Chat shrugged. “Don’t worry about it. Like I said at the time, we all have doubts.”

“Even you,” Carapace echoed.

Chat shifted uncomfortably, not wanting to talk about that particular bit of vulnerability.

Carapace was kind enough not to push. Chat shouldn’t have been surprised. Nino had always been great at respecting Adrien’s boundaries. But somehow, he was.

“Well, I guess I should thank you,” Carapace said.

Chat swung his head toward Carapace. “For what?!”

Carapace shrugged again. “I don’t know. Listening? Taking my crap? Just… I don’t know… being real with me? I promise I’ll try not to unload all my baggage onto you anymore, cat dude. Just because you can take it doesn’t mean you should have to. I’m really sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Chat said.

“It really isn’t.”

This time Chat shrugged. “But in a way I feel flattered?”

“Huh?”

“Don’t get me wrong. I hate the unsolicited crit and the snapping turtle attitude. The total lack of grace or understanding when I’m late or can’t make it when you know I can’t explain anything—“

Carapace groaned, burying his face into his hands.

Chat laughed.

“But I am flattered that you could just be your raw unfiltered self around me when you couldn’t be that around anyone else. I don’t have very much of that in my life either.”

Carapace shot back up, his eyes wide behind his goggles. “What do you mean?”

“Just that I can’t afford to be myself most of the time in my civilian life. Partially because of my… umm… parents, and partly because I have to hide my identity. And I did have one friend,” Chat looked up at him then, “that I felt pretty comfortable around, but that’s been rocky lately, too.”

Carapace nodded. “I’m sorry, man. All of that is rough. What happened with your friend?”

“He doesn’t know about this half of me and it’s caused some issues. I’ve tried to pretend that everything is fine, but… I think I might have lost my best friend, too.” Chat admitted, glancing at him carefully.

Carapace nodded solemnly. “I’m sorry. I definitely know how that feels.”

“Maybe I’ll try talking to him again,” Chat said.

“Too bad you can’t just tell him who you are.”

Chat bit his lip. He wasn’t supposed to, and he definitely knew better than to ask for permission, but… Ladybug had told someone her identity. Would it really be so bad if he told Nino?

“Maybe you should try again with your friend, too,” he said.

Carapace sighed and looked up at the sky. “I don’t think I’ll ever stop trying with him, but I doubt it’ll go any different. My friend… he’s not allowed a lot of boundaries in his life. He’s scared to set them. And like, so when he does, I can’t push back. If I do, he’ll cave, like, immediately. And I’m supposed to be chill and laid back. He’s not supposed to have to try with me.”

Chat was stared at him, more than a little floored, but also a little upset at this new context.

“What?”

“Nothing. I’m just… that’s a lot of pressure to put on yourself.”

“I love him.”

“Even so, you’re only human. Maybe he needs to remember that, too. And maybe he wants you to be able to be totally yourself when you’re around him, too.”

…

Nino was waiting on the sidewalk outside the school building. Adrien’s car would pull up in exactly four minutes - the same time it did every school morning. Other people arrived and chatted with one another as they moved up the stairs. But Nino could barely pay attention to any of it, his eyes on the road waiting for the familiar white vehicle to pull up.

He tapped his toe into the ground, and he tried to keep his hands in his pockets to look more casual, but they wouldn’t stay there as he kept fidgeting.

Why was he so nervous? This was Adrien. His best friend might not be talking to him, but he would still hear him out and he was always insanely patient.

When the car finally pulled up, Nino’s heart seemed to rise up into his throat and his palms were wet with sweat. He really shouldn’t be this nervous. Adrien was going to step out of the car and give him a polite and distant smile, and then start walking beside him as they headed to home room.

Only, that’s not what happened at all. Adrien stepped out of the car, but when he did he was beaming a megawatt smile brighter than the sun. When he walked up to Nino, he offered his fist and Nino had to scramble to meet it to play out their old secret handshake that they haven’t done… in weeks!

It felt good. Like so good, and Nino laughed more in relief than anything else. Had he just imagined the last few weeks of distance and cold shoulders?

He almost didn’t want to bring anything up, not wanting to upset this return to joyous normalcy. But at the same time Nino was so confused, and he needed to understand because if he did do something wrong, he needed to understand what happened so he wouldn’t do it again.

“Hey, dude? Can we talk before we go to class?”

Adrien nodded. “I think it’s long overdue.”

And Nino was thrown and relieved all over again that Adrien wasn’t denying that there was something worthy of talking about.

Adrien led them to a storage closet where he jiggled the handle very precisely and the normally locked door just fell open.

Clearly, Adrien had used this space before.

“Dude! Did you just break us into a closet?”

“Shh!“ And Adrien yanked him inside.

Two minutes later they were sitting side by side on upside down plastic buckets in the overcrowded closet.

“So what do you want to talk about?”

Nino clutched his own shoulder, and shot a glance at Adrien who was still smiling patiently at him. This felt like such a stupid question.

“Are we okay?” Nino made himself ask.

“We’re okay on my end,” Adrien said. “Are we okay on yours?”

“Yes!” Nino assured rapidly, but Adrien raised his eyebrows as if he didn’t actually believe him. And Nino wilted. “Actually, no.”

Adrien nodded like he was expecting it. Adrien knew something was off - he still wasn’t denying everything was fine.

“Go on.”

“You’ve felt really far away recently, dude. Except for today. I feel like I keep reaching out and I keep asking what’s up, but you never tell me, which is fine if it’s other stuff. You don’t have to tell me stuff. I just… you’ve been so distant, and it feels like you’re lying. Not that I’m accusing you of lying! I just… i just feel like I did something wrong. And I… I miss you.”

Adrien put a hand on his shoulder. “I’m sorry. I didn’t want to be far away and distant. I didn’t want to lie. I literally couldn’t explain what was wrong and I probably still shouldn’t.”

Nino held his breath.

“I was distant because of how you treated me.”

Nino was super confused. And it must have shown on his face because Adrien instantly held his hands up.

“No wait. Let me explain.”

Nino nodded.

“You’ve always said that I didn’t have to pretend with you, but it really really felt like that wasn’t the case.”

“Dude! I’ve always tried to just be chill and to respect your boundaries.”

“And you did… when you knew I was Adrien.”

“When I knew you were Adrien?” Nino repeated slowly, every muscle in his body was suddenly pulled tight. “There was a time when I didn’t know you were Adrien?”

This was sounding too familiar, but Nino couldn’t pinpoint why. And if the dread pooling in his gut was anything to go by, he didn’t want to.

“More than one time.”

Nino’s gut twisted further in on itself. “When?”

“When I was Chat Noir.”

Nino literally couldn’t breathe. His eyes were hot and his throat was caving in. And holy fuck.

He rolled forward, burying his face into his knees, as he tried to hold back the torrents that wanted to break forth.

He didn’t succeed. He shook like a musician just before going on stage for his first gig. But the wailing was so much worse than that.

Adrien was talking, but Nino couldn’t hear him, his mind too busy reviewing everything he had ever said about Chat Noir to Adrien, everything he had said and done to Chat Noir, who was apparently his best friend.

Adrien who was so good at taking heat and never saying anything because at home saying something always made everything worse.

Nino had always aspired to be an escape, a safe place for Adrien. And Nino had been betraying that every time he had used Chat Noir as a punching bag to lash out at when things weren’t going well for him.

“Nino!” Adrien’s hands were on his face and his shoulders, pulling him in. And Nino let him, feeling limp like a rag doll. “It’s okay now!”

Nino shook his head violently. It didn’t feel okay. Not remotely. “Dude! I’m… I’m so sorry,” he choked out.

“You already apologized,” Adrien reminded him gently.

This was why Adrien had been so happy to see him this morning. Carapace and Chat Noir had talked things out. “I know, but it feels so much worse now.”

Adrien nodded. “Yeah, it felt worse to me too. But Nino, you didn’t know.”

Nino only cried harder. “You weren’t supposed to tell me, were you?”

“Hey! This was your idea! When Ladybug finds out I’m compromised, I’m definitely throwing you under the bus.”

Nino laughed through his tears. “I’m fine with that. I would deserve it after… everything.”

“Nino, I was joking.”

“I wasn’t.”

Adrien sighed. “So, are we okay?”

Nino nodded rapidly. “If you think we’re okay, we’re definitely okay.”

“I’m uh… sorry about Alya.”

“That wasn’t your fault, dude! It wasn’t Adrien’s or Chat Noir’s.”

“I meant more that I made you feel like you couldn’t talk to me about it?”

Nino nodded. “It’s fine. I’m… not totally okay, especially when it felt like I had lost you, too. But,” and Nino pulled off what had to be the most watery smile, “I think I will get there. Thank you.”

“I love you, too, you know.”

“What?”

“You told me as Chat that you loved me as Adrien.”

Heat burned in Nino’s neck and ears. “I did say that. I didn’t know I was telling you though.”

“I know, but that’s how I knew you meant it, and weren’t just saying it to be nice to the awkward loner kid who needs friends.”

“Dude, before you joined our class, I was the awkward loner kid who needed friends!”

Adrien smiled. “But I never knew that either until you told Chat.”

“Gah! This is so confusing!” Nino complained.

Adrien grinned. “But it’s awesome, right?”

Nino mirrored the expression. “Hell yeah! Definitely awesome!”

And they stood and immediately pulled each other into a hug. And if they had been twenty minutes late to class, no one said anything.

…

“What the hell happened?!” Ladybug demanded of her earpiece.

Rena Furtive chuckled into her ear. “You’re the one that yelled at them. I thought you wanted them to get along?”

“I did! I do! But now-” She gestured to the two boys laughing their heads off as they kept trying to outdo each other with increasingly complicated stunts that they failed more than half of the time. “Now, they’re just being stupid.”

Rena Furtive laughed again. “I, for one, am glad to see Carapace so happy again. A mopey turtle is just wrong.”

And Ladybug softened. “Yeah, you’re right. A pouty kitty wasn't fun either. I’m glad they’ve bounced back.”

“Yeah, me too.”

“Now, can you please go in there and show them how it’s done since I can’t? They’re embarrassing us!”

Ladybug laughed before launching herself towards the new tight-knit duo she had on her team.

“You guys, dating or something?” she asked, as she landed next to them.

Chat Noir and Carapace shared a look. It felt like they were having a whole conversation with just their eyes, and they suddenly both grinned and nodded at one another in agreement.

“Guys are allowed to have emotionally close friends, bugaboo!” Chat told her.

“Doesn’t mean anything is romantic or sexual,” Carapace added.

Ladybug held up her hands in surrender. “I’m not judging either way. Just happy that you’re finally getting along!”

#miraculous ladybug fanfiction #platonic adrino #caranoir enemies to friends #healing friendship #post rocketear #talking it out #one shot #adrien agreste #nino lahiffe #my own content #you don't have to pretend with me

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debbiechanclub · 1 year ago

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Hit Me Like Bang (and Now I'm Never Looking Back), Part 1

A “Take My Hand, Wreck My Plans” fic

Pairings: David Finlay x OFC (with some past!El Phantasmo x OFC and Jay White angst) Word Count: 6k Warnings: ANGST. Language, alcohol use. ANGST.

Nellie's been spinning her wheels in Stardom for months and has never felt more alone. But then David Finlay returns to Japan with a chip on his shoulder and Gedo in his corner, and everything changes.

TMHWMP Timeline | Masterlist

Read it on AO3

A/N: A quick but important note! This is the concluding fic of the "Take My Hand, Wreck My Plan" series, in the sense that it details Nellie's endgame. However, there are more "prequel" fics to come that will go more into how Nellie and everyone else got to this point, including (obviously) what went down in all her previous relationships (and I promise it will all make sense!). I'm actually so incredibly proud of this fic, as well as this OC and the entire rewrite of this series, and I'm so excited to give Nellie the completed story she deserves after more than two years of writing and creating it. I absolutely adore her, and I hope you all enjoy reading this just as much as I enjoyed writing it for you.

tag squad: @aussiearrow @cowboyslariat @knifepervert @caranoirs @rusevday @missbrownstone @meteora-fc @bec0m @thatgirlforever5 @rocca09 @aussiespam

Tuesday, March 21, 2023 Tokyo, Japan

It was 11:07 p.m. when David got to Nellie’s apartment. She’d been impatiently awaiting his arrival for over two hours, ever since he’d texted that he was on his way back to Tokyo via the bullet train from Nagaoka. But that had been a familiar feeling for her over the last two weeks. Impatience; eagerness; desire. All surrounding David, this this new dark-haired Gedo-backed Bullet Club version of him that had shown up at the New Japan Cup and shocked everyone.

But not Nellie; she wasn’t as shocked by it as everyone else. She’d noticed this evolution happening in David ever since he’d returned to Japan for the G1 Climax 32 last summer, since the NJPW World Television Title Tournament in the fall, slowly and quietly but surely—and he’d confided every one of his frustrations in her. How he’d always been treated like an outsider. How no one had ever taken him seriously. How he needed to work twice as hard just to prove he was half as good as his father. So no, Nellie wasn’t as shocked as everyone else when this version of David Finlay had shown up with a chip on his shoulder and disposed of Tomohiro Ishii. She’d seen it in him. And she wasn’t shocked by her charged response to it—to him—either. She’d waited five long months for him to come back to her. She wasn’t waiting any longer.

She sank down next to him on the couch, her body angled toward his, her left leg bent atop the cushion so that her knee grazed his thigh, and handed him a glass of whiskey, neat. She’d offered him a drink as soon as he’d arrived; he’d looked like he could use it. He kicked it back all at once and set the empty glass on her coffee table. When he leaned back, he rested his hand on her leg. It sent a tingle up her spine.

“Did you watch the final?” he asked.

She nodded. “Yeah; as soon as I got home.”

“And?”

“And Sanada got lucky. Seriously. Either of you could have won at any moment.”

They sat in silence for a few long seconds. Nellie could practically see David replaying the end of the match in his mind, trying to pick out where he’d gone wrong. She did the same whenever she took a difficult loss.

But then he drew in a breath. “Whatever; it’s done and over. I’ve already decided my next move.” He looked over at her; his tone softened. “How was your match?”

He brushed his thumb back and forth on her thigh. It was distracting enough that she had to concentrate to answer him. “Good. We won.”

“That’s good,” he echoed with a squeeze of her leg. “Was it you, Tam, and Poi?”

She shook her head. “No; Poi had a singles match against Himeka. It was me, Tam, and Mariah against Queen’s Quest.”

His brow furrowed. “I thought Mariah was in Club Venus with Torrance?”

“She is, but Club Venus is a unit within Cosmic Angels. You know, like how House of Torture is a unit within Bullet Club.” She paused. “Is House of Torture still in Bullet Club? Can you kick them out? Because I think you should kick them out.”

“I’ll take it under advisement,” David grinned.

“Anyway,” Nellie breathed, “it really won’t surprise me if Club Venus goes off on their own soon. Torr and Mina wrestled Unagi and Saki today.”

“And they’re all Cosmic Angels-slash-Club Venus?”

“Yes,” she confirmed with a grin. She put her hand on top of his. “I know, it’s hard to keep everyone straight.”

He scoffed. “You know I only care about your matches, anyway.”

“I’m sure Torr would love to hear that,” she commented; but David ignored it and pulled her under his arm and her leg over his. She curled into him, made whole at being in his arms again. He lit a fire in her and made her feel safe; wanted. She’d never felt this way about anyone.

“What about you, though?” he softly asked. “Are you still thinking about leaving Cosmic Angels?”

Nellie sighed. She had still been thinking about it, in fact. But she hadn’t come any closer to a decision. “I don’t know. I really do like Tam and Poi, and we really gelled as a unit during the Triangle Derby. But I still can’t help but feel like I don’t quite fit.”

She frowned to herself, thinking about it some more then. That really was the best way to describe how she’d felt for the last year and change: like she didn’t quite fit. A square peg in a round hole. And the niggling in her gut to do something about it was getting harder and harder to ignore.

As in NJPW, it was practically a requirement in Stardom that every member of the roster belong to a faction, and from the day she’d signed with Stardom in August 2018 up until December 2021, Nellie had belonged to Queen’s Quest. It had been a natural fit from the jump, and she’d flourished with them: for six wonderful weeks in the fall of 2020, she had been not a double, but a triple champion when she’d simultaneously held the RevPro Undisputed Women’s Championship, the SWA World Championship, and the Goddess of Stardom Championship with Saya Kamitani.

But despite all those accolades, Nellie had been just one successful person in a faction of remarkably talented and accomplished joshis, and she was often passed over for bigger opportunities in favor of her teammates. Her frustration with that was what had led her and Torrance to enter the 2021 Goddesses of Stardom Tag League together despite being in separate factions—and, to everyone’s shock, they’d won. So, when Momo Watanabe had suddenly and shockingly left Queen’s Quest leaderless by turning on them to join Oedo Tai just one month later, Nellie had already had every incentive to defect and accept Tam Nakano’s offer to join Torrance in Cosmic Angels.

And she’d found success with them, too. She and Torrance—officially known as Cosmic Queendom—had gone on to defeat Giulia and Syuri for the Goddess of Stardom Championship last January. Then in May, Nellie beat Thekla to become the first two-time SWA World Champion, a title that she still held now, almost a year later.

But all that success still couldn’t distract from the fact that Nellie just didn’t quite fit with Cosmic Angels.

Unlike Torrance, Nellie wasn’t a girly girl. She wasn’t cutesy or frilly. She wasn’t kawaii—and she did not dance. Actually, her refusal to do Cosmic Angels’ little entrance dances had become something of a running bit that the fans quite enjoyed. But still. As close as she’d grown with Tam and Natsupoi and even Unagi, Nellie just didn’t quite fit. And she’d confided it all in David just as he’d confided in her.

“You do work well with Tam and Poi. And Torr too, obviously,” he said. “But I worked well with Juice. When push comes to shove, you need to do what’s best for you.”

Nellie scoffed. She and Torrance hadn’t tagged together in months. But she didn’t want to get into all that. It was late, and she was done talking.

“I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it.” She sat up from under his arm and swung her leg over to his other side; sank down onto his lap and ran her hands down his chest. “But enough business talk. I only have so much time with you left.”

David looked over her body, slid his hands up her thighs, gripped her at the curve of her backside—and then he raised his eyebrow at her in that slight way of his. The way that had left her feeling so impatient the last two weeks. “You know, there’s absolutely no reason I can’t just cancel my flight and stay a few days longer,” he said. “I could stay through to Sakura Genesis, actually. I don’t have any other commitments.”

“That’s two-and-a-half weeks away,” Nellie pointed out. That he’d change his plans just like that to spend that time with her turned her insides to mush.

“I know,” he said. “I’m sure we could find some way to fill the time.”

He fixed her with that look, that piercing gaze he’d gotten so good at overnight. Nellie was helpless against it.

“Cancel your flight, then,” she said, and she leaned down and kissed him.

* * * *

Sunday, February 19, 2023 Tokorozawa, Japan

Jay rested his forehead on the Lion Mark in the center of the mat, and Nellie watched from five thousand-plus miles away and seventeen hours into the future, torn somewhere between pity and acceptance. On one hand, losing to Eddie Kingston in San Jose, California was hardly the send-off from NJPW that she thought Jay White—the Last Rock ‘n’ Rolla, the man who singlehandedly sold-out Madison Square Garden, the first ever NJPW Grand Slam Champion—deserved. But on the other hand, Jay had accomplished everything there was for him to accomplish in Japan. It was time to move on.

“He lost?” Tam proclaimed in shock, and it caused everyone else to crowd around and look in interest. Nellie and Torrance had been watching the Battle in the Valley pay-per-view on Torrance’s tablet, propped up on a chair in the locker room at that afternoon’s Stardom event. Given the ramifications of Jay’s match, they’d wanted to watch it live. But maybe it hadn’t been the best idea.

“You alright?”

Nellie could see Torrance looking at her out of the corner of her eye. She was still looking at the screen, but she wasn’t really watching anymore. “Yeah,” she answered. “Honestly, I saw the writing on the wall a long time ago. I don’t know; it sounds like a shitty thing to say, but at least now I know for sure he’s gone.”

“No—that’s not a shitty thing to say at all,” Torrance returned. “Jay did nothing but confuse you and try to keep you from moving on, so I don’t blame you for feeling that way at all. Now he can’t pull that shit anymore.”

Leave it to Torrance not to mince words. But she was right. This was closure, in a way. And long overdue.

“Speaking of moving on,” she added. “Have you talked to David recently?”

Nellie started to answer—but she was cut off by a surprised gasp from Natsupoi.

“Debbie Chan!”

She pointed at the tablet; and when Nellie looked again, she couldn’t believe what she saw. Jay splayed out on his back on the mat, David Finlay standing over him, his father’s shillelagh in hand.

“Oh—my God,” Torrance gaped.

Nellie was equally shocked. More so. But then David started talking—yelling over the boos that poured down on him from the crowd—and it wasn’t anything he hadn’t already told her in private. In fact, the only thing that really surprised her was how little she cared that he’d chosen to take his frustration out on Jay, of all people.

In fact, she kind of liked it.

“Did you know he was gonna do this?” Torrance asked.

Nellie shook her head, her eyes still glued on the screen. On David. “No,” she said, and she immediately reached for her phone and sent off a text. She had no idea when he’d see it or when she’d get a response. But she had to let him know she’d seen what he’d done; and, more importantly, heard what he’d said.

That’s one way to make a statement, she wrote.

They turned off the pay-per-view after that to focus on preparing for their own show. It wasn’t until Nellie returned to the locker room from her six-woman tag match that she saw David’s response.

I was hoping you were watching.

Her stomach fluttered. So he had been thinking of her.

I’m glad I was, she sent back. His reply came not long after.

We should get dinner when I’m back next month.

Nellie didn’t hesitate.

It’s a date.

* * * *

Monday, March 27, 2023 Tokyo, Japan

David couldn’t have picked a better time to cancel his flight. With NJPW and Stardom both largely on break until the first of the month, he and Nellie had the freedom to spend their days however they pleased, whether that meant catching a train to go exploring wherever or staying tangled up in bed exploring each other, with no intention to go anywhere at all.

But today, they were at the dojo. Nellie had been wanting to add some more high impact moves to her arsenal, and David was the perfect person to help spot her form and make sure her execution was flawless.

As for how she was practicing the moves—that’s what Thekla was there for.

“Am I still spinning?” she asked in a daze after taking another Blue Thunder Bomb. Nellie looked down at her in concern.

“Shit, are you alright?”

She lifted her head up from the mat and smirked. “I’m messing with you.”

“Jesus,” Nellie breathed and pushed her out of the pin. “I thought I’d given you a concussion or something.”

“Nah, it was fine,” she assured her.

“Yeah, it looked really good, Nell,” David added from where he watched at the ring apron. “I’d say you have that down.”

She smiled at him. “Thanks.”

“What’s next?” Thekla asked.

“I could teach you Trash Panda,” David grinned.

“I thought it was called Into Oblivion now?” Nellie returned.

“Yeah… it is. But I like Trash Panda better.”

“Me too,” Thekla agreed with a grin.

“We can save that for the next session,” Nellie decided. “I think Thek’s been enough of a guinea pig today.”

Thekla waved her off. “You let me work out some stuff on you, too. Plus, I just figured you needed to get out your frustration about being eliminated from the Cinderella Tournament already.”

Nellie’s expression went flat. It was a friendly dig, but Thekla wasn’t entirely wrong. Stardom's annual Cinderella Tournament had kicked off yesterday, and Nellie had already been eliminated in the first round—by Torrance.

“I’m not touching that one,” David said.

“Honestly, it’s fine,” Nellie dismissed. “Torr can have that win. The Cinderella Tournament is more her thing, anyway.”

“Yeah… I can’t really imagine you out there in a big poofy dress,” David laughed, to which Nellie quickly shook her head.

“Yeah, no.”

“Oh, I would hate it, too,” Thekla agreed. “But I’d gladly put on a big poofy dress if it meant getting whatever title shot I wanted.”

Nellie scoffed. “Shit, that might be the only way I get another title shot at this point.”

As frustrated as she was with her position in Cosmic Angels, Nellie was even more frustrated with her treatment as SWA World Champion. Holding that title was something to be proud of, absolutely, and she was—but it often seemed like Stardom management flat-out forgot she was champion. In the nearly eleven months since she’d won the title, Nellie had defended it just four times, and not for lack of trying. She’d pushed so hard for a second defense when more than four months had passed after her first against Fukigen Death that they’d booked her two defenses back-to-back, the first of which had been a relatively high-profile champion-versus-champion match against Alex Windsor at NJPW Rumble on 44th Street in New York City. Nellie had been thrilled to be on that card, and she’d won that defense, as well as the next a week later against Alpha Female at the Hiroshima Goddess Festival.

And then her title was promptly forgotten about again, put on the backburner.

And maybe it was an issue with Stardom having too many titles for the size of their roster. But the SWA World Championship was unique: per the rules of the title, only wrestlers from countries other than the reigning champion could challenge for it. So, with Nellie being an American living in Tokyo, her list of potential opponents was seemingly endless. In fact, literally the only member of Stardom’s roster who couldn’t challenge her for the SWA World Championship was Torrance. But Stardom didn’t seem to recognize the value in that. They didn’t seem to recognize Nellie’s value as the third-longest currently reigning champion on their payroll.

And quite frankly, it was bullshit.

“I think you’ve more than earned calling your shot against whoever you want whenever you want with how long you’ve had the SWA title,” Thekla encouraged her.

“She’s not wrong,” David agreed.

Nellie chewed her lip in thought. No—Thekla wasn’t wrong, and it was funny she’d said it. Because there was something Nellie had been recently mulling over; a bold challenge she’d been considering making against her former tag team partner.

“All Star Grand Queendom is coming up,” she started. “I’ve been thinking about challenging Saya to a winner takes all match.”

“Do it,” David instantly said.

“Absolutely,” Thekla seconded. “And if you win you should leave Cosmic Angels and join Donna del Mondo.”

“Oh, only if I win?” Nellie smirked.

She nodded. “Yeah, we can’t take losers.”

Nellie turned it over in her head, trying it on for size. She had to admit: Two-Belt Nell in Donna del Mondo felt right.

“Well, it’s a good thing I don’t plan on losing, then.”

* * * *

Friday, March 31, 2023 Tokyo, Japan

Nellie’s stomach was in knots as she walked into the bar. It was one she was familiar with, one of Riley’s favorite spots in Tokyo. In fact, she was almost certain the last time she’d been there had been with him. So, it was as fitting as it was nerve-wracking that it was him who she was meeting there tonight.

Although, until about forty-five minutes ago, she hadn’t planned on going anywhere that night. Her only plans had consisted of relaxing in her apartment cuddled up with David as they binge-watched the new dark comedy series he’d gotten her into. But while he refilled their drinks in between episodes, Nellie had gotten an unexpected text from Riley.

What’re you up to tonight?

She’d scoffed to herself when she read it; it was barely a step up from hey, u up? But she’d responded, nevertheless.

Just binge-watching tv.

Riley didn’t need to know anything more than that. Who she was with was her business and her business alone.

But his next text caught her off-guard.

Want to meet up for a drink?

She stared at the message, unsure what to make of it. Even less sure of the intent behind it. She fired off the first excuse that came to mind.

I’m already in my pajamas.

She figured—hoped—that would take care of it. But Riley’s third text tightened her chest.

Please? There’s something I’ve been wanting to say to you and I’d rather do it in person.

Of course, that was when David returned. He noticed her conflicted expression right away.

“What’s wrong?”

She sighed. “Riley just asked if I could meet up for a drink.”

He laughed through his nose as he sat down. “I’m surprised it took him this long.”

She shot him a look.

“Oh, come on,” he returned. “You know I wasn’t the only one waiting for Jay to be gone.”

“At least you admit it,” she smirked.

“Oh, I admit it one hundred percent. But you certainly don’t seem to mind.”

He gave her that eyebrow raise as he took a drink. He wasn’t wrong. She didn’t mind it at all.

“Did he say why?” he asked. She read out the pertinent part of Riley’s last text verbatim. David’s expression turned pensive. And then he said, “I think you should hear him out.”

Nellie’s brow puckered. “Seriously?” That was the last thing she’d expected him to say. David and Riley had never been friends, and their relationship had only worsened since David had assumed leadership of Bullet Club.

But he was completely serious.

“Seriously. I know things are tense between me and him, and the last thing I want is for you to feel caught in the middle. You’ve felt that way enough where Riley’s concerned.”

A wave of gratitude and appreciation washed over Nellie, warming her from the top of her head down to her toes. She leaned in and gave him a tender kiss. “See, that’s why I’m with you,” she said, her lips still close to his. “You’re mature.”

“Among other reasons,” David smirked.

She sighed again. “Fine. I guess I’ll tell him he has one drink to say whatever it is he wants to say.”

And that was exactly what she did. And now, here she was.

The bar was as packed as she’d expected it to be on a beautiful spring Friday night in Roppongi. Riley was sitting at the bar, already nursing a drink. She doubted it was his first.

“Hey!” he exclaimed when he saw her. “I’m glad you’re here; people were starting to get pissy with me for saving a seat.” He pulled out the barstool next to him and motioned for her to sit. “What do you want? I’m buying.”

She thought about it. “Tequila soda,” she decided. Riley’s eyebrows arched.

“I haven’t heard you order one of those in a while. Can’t say I blame you, though; this might be a tequila conversation.”

Nellie didn’t react to that or ask why. She’d find out soon enough.

He flagged down a bartender and asked for a tequila and soda—with reposado, just how Nellie preferred—and then the tension settled in like an unwelcome guest. She had to break it somehow.

“Did you just fly in?” she asked. Riley nodded.

“Yeah, this morning. And I’m only here for a week; I’m taking some time off after Sakura Genesis. That’s why I wanted to talk to you tonight… I didn’t know when we'd have another chance with our schedules.”

The bartender set Nellie’s cocktail in front of her not a second too soon. She picked it up and lifted it to her lips. “Well, I’m here. So let’s talk.”

She hadn’t meant to come off so curt; it was her nerves. But before she could walk it back, Riley spoke.

“I owe you an apology.”

Nellie went still. She’d noticed that Riley had been acting differently since his first-round elimination from the New Japan Cup, and it wasn’t just her—everyone had noticed, to the point that Zack had even publicly commented on it. It was as if Riley was consciously trying to be a better person, and it started with correcting all his past transgressions; or at least, trying to.

But Nellie could think of half a dozen people who deserved an apology before she did. “For what?”

He laughed wryly to himself. “Well, for years of acting as my buffer, for starters.”

A lump formed in Nellie’s throat. That was almost exactly what David had said in encouraging her to come here.

He went on. “For years of telling people, He really is a good guy if you just get to know him, only for me to act like a complete jackass and make you look like one. For having the emotional depth of a kiddie pool.” He picked up his drink and brought it to his lips. “For kissing you when you were still with Jay.”

Nellie’s stomach twisted. “I kissed you back,” she quietly said.

“That doesn’t make it better. You were in an emotionally vulnerable position, and I took advantage of it. I’m sorry.”

She fidgeted under the sincerity of his gaze and took another nervous drink. She didn’t disagree with him. But her conscience wasn’t clear, either.

“And it’s double fucked up, actually,” he added, “because the only two people who haven’t turned their backs on me yet are you and Jay. And Jay’s gone.”

With that, he downed the rest of his drink in a single gulp. Nellie almost wanted to do the same with hers. Riley was coming to terms with the consequences of years’ worth of his actions right in front of her—and he had no idea who she was going back to when she left the bar.

“So, yeah,” he finished. “That’s what I have to apologize for.”

“Thank you,” she told him. “Really. It means a lot to hear you say all that.”

The ghost of a sad smile pulled at his lips, but it was gone as soon as the bartender appeared to ask if he wanted another. Riley nodded; and Nellie couldn’t bite her tongue.

“But you know who you really need to apologize to?” she asked.

“If you say—"

“Torrance. And Robbie.”

Riley scratched his mullet. “I was afraid you’d say that.”

“Because you know as much as I do there’s no two people you tormented more.”

“Tormented?” he stressed. “Come on… I didn’t torment Torrance.”

“So you admit you did torment Robbie, then?”

The bartender returned with Riley’s drink; he picked it up and took a long pull. His avoidance to answer the question spoke volumes.

“I don’t know if either of them will even hear you out,” Nellie added. “But you need to at least try.”

“Let me just get through one thing at a time, alright?” Riley returned, and Nellie could tell from his tone that he’d exhausted his emotional bandwidth for the night. “I know you’re not the only person I need to talk to, but I wanted to talk to you first because of all the bullshit going on in Bullet Club. I know you’ve gotten close with Finlay since he came back last summer. Dunno why… he’s a try-hard piece of shit.”

Nellie bit down on her jaw. But before she could tear into him, call it karma, due receipts, remind Riley that David was only giving back what he’d gotten from him—he pulled back and became deliberately abrasive. Just like he always did.

“But I’ve said my piece, so you’re free to go home and get back in your pajamas.”

He looked down into his drink, already half gone. Nellie had never seen him look so dejected. But he’d done it to himself; and for once, she knew he knew it.

“Fine,” she breathed. “Bye, Riley.” And she got up and walked out of the bar, leaving him to sit there alone with himself.

* * * *

Friday, July 16, 2021 Tokyo, Japan

There were multiple reasons why Nellie shouldn’t have gone out with Riley that night.

First, she had to be up early tomorrow to catch a flight to London to defend her newly re-won RevPro Undisputed British Women’s Championship against Mariah May on Sunday.

Second, Torrance was still on non-speaking terms with Riley, and Nellie didn’t want to do anything that could be misconstrued as choosing sides.

And third, she’d never felt more insecure in her relationship with Jay than she did now—and Riley had been looking at her all night as if she hung the fucking moon.

He'd walked her back to her apartment from the metro, a gesture she really hadn’t thought much of at all. It was late and she’d been drinking, and besides, she lived in Kasuga within walking distance from his hotel in Tokyo Dome City.

But when they’d arrived at her door, she hadn’t been able to stop herself from asking.

Do you want to come in?

She should’ve thought twice about it when Riley had been so quick to accept the invitation. But now here she was, getting them both another drink they probably shouldn’t have, and he was getting comfortable on her couch.

“What time is your flight?” he asked.

“8:55. So I have to be up in oh,” she glanced at the time on her phone, “less than six hours.”

“Hey—I promised I wouldn’t keep you out past when the trains stopped running, and I didn’t.”

“We caught the last train by the skin of our teeth.”

“But I kept my promise,” he grinned.

“First time for everything,” Nellie quipped as she handed him a beer. Riley clutched at his chest.

“Ouch, Nell. Tell me how you really feel.”

She just smirked and sat down next to him. Closer than she probably should have, their legs touching, his arm resting behind her head. She brought her bottle to her lips and took a drink.

“This is my first time here,” Riley noted.

Nellie blinked in shock. She’d lived in that apartment for just over a year, but he was right—he’d somehow never been there before. “That doesn’t seem right,” she remarked. But he shrugged.

“Well, if you think about it, we haven’t really hung out one-on-one since we both started working in Japan. Which is ironic, because we see each other way more now than we ever did in back in England.”

“Well, the circumstances were different back in England,” she said, and she immediately wished she hadn’t. Because now she was thinking about back in England. About how, back then, they would already be taking off each other’s clothes. And now Riley was looking at her like that again.

But he caught himself. “Speaking of circumstances… how’s Jay? Is he any closer to being able to come back?”

Nellie’s chest tightened. From one strained topic to the next. “I wish I could say,” she said. “But he seems perfectly fine with never coming back, so I guess it doesn’t matter.”

That took Riley by surprise. “Why? Did something happen?”

She thought about it for a second. “Nothing specifically happened,” she finally said. “It just feels like I’m out of sight, out of mind a lot of the time.”

His brow furrowed. “Is he not trying to make it work? Didn’t you just visit him?”

“Not just,” she scoffed. “Almost two months ago. And he tries sometimes. Just enough so that I keep hoping this is a temporary setback. But then other times it seems like it’s too much trouble for him to try.”

She took another drink.

“That’s bullshit, Nell.”

She didn’t look at him. “It’s a difficult situation.”

“It is, but if that’s what Jay’s doing, it’s bullshit. It sounds like he’s stringing you along. You deserve better than that.”

Nellie’s nose burned. She leaned her head back against the couch only to rest it against Riley’s arm instead. She’d forgotten it was there. But she didn’t move. Neither did he.

“If he is, then I’m letting him,” she quietly admitted.

“Why?”

She peeled at the label on her beer bottle, mute. Not because she didn’t know why—she did know why. All too well. She was in love with Jay, and love turned even the smartest people into fools.

But she didn’t feel comfortable telling Riley that.

“Don’t,” he said.

Her voice came out small. “Don’t what?”

“Don’t fucking let him string you along. Hey.” He flexed his wrist on the arm behind her to touch his hand to the back of her head. She looked at him. “You deserve better than that.”

“Do I?” she asked, self-deprecating in her alcohol-induced misery.

“Of course you do,” Riley gently said, and the next thing she knew he was leaning forward, and then his lips were on hers; hers on his. She sat up to meet him—not thinking, just feeling—and he wrapped his arm around her and drew her in. The kiss became hungry quick, lustful, their bodies working on muscle memory three years old. He curled a fist into her hair, and it was like a trigger. She climbed onto his lap and pushed him back into the couch cushions—and then she felt the growing hardness in his pants and snapped out of it like a slingshot.

She broke the kiss and covered her mouth with her hands. Shocked. Instantly regretful.

Riley’s eyes were hooded. “Nell—”

“You need to go.”

She climbed off him and stood, not meeting his gaze, and he got up without argument and moved to the door. But he paused as he turned the doorknob. For a second, it seemed like he wanted to say something, and she waited, her breath hitched in her chest. But whatever it was, if it was even anything at all, Riley didn’t say it, and he turned and walked out the door. Nellie locked it behind him, and then she sank down on the couch, her head in her hands, her heart heavy.

* * * *

Saturday, April 8, 2023 Sakura Genesis – Tokyo, Japan

Stardom had a show in Aomori that day, but Nellie wasn’t there.

She was more than nine hours south of there, in Tokyo, at Sakura Genesis. But not because she had a match there—she didn’t. She hadn’t been booked anywhere that day, and so she’d come to support David in Bullet Club’s six-man tag match against Guerillas of Destiny and Master Wato. But her mind had been elsewhere the entire time.

She didn’t know why she hadn’t been booked for the Aomori show. When she’d realized it was the same day as Sakura Genesis, she’d thought—hoped—it could be because they were finally giving her an opportunity. A big one, to be the next to challenge for the IWGP Women’s Championship. But then the day of the pay-per-view had drawn closer… and closer… and no one said anything about it to her. There was no opportunity, Nellie had realized. She just hadn’t been booked, and it was Waka Tsukiyama tagging with Tam and Poi today instead of her.

And when Mercedes Moné walked out with the IWGP Women’s Championship around her waist, Nellie couldn’t stomach it to just sit there and watch.

She walked briskly through the backstage halls toward Bullet Club’s locker room—David had to be back there by now—but her pace slowed as she arrived. There was a suitcase lying in the middle of the hall, splayed wide open, its contents strewn across the floor as if it had been thrown from the locker room. It almost certainly had been thrown from the locker room—it was Riley’s suitcase, she realized. That hadn’t taken long.

She stepped over and in between his discarded belongings and knocked on the door. Kenta’s gruff voice called from inside, demanding in Japanese who it was. “It’s me,” she returned, agitated. David opened the door a few seconds later.

“Hey, babe,” he said, his tone much softer than Kenta’s had been. He looked back at the others as Nellie walked into the room. “Guys, give us a minute, alright?”

There was an awkward shuffle of movement as Gedo, Ishimori, and Kenta all filed past them into the hall. Ishimori kicked one of Riley’s shirts out of his path on his way out, and Kenta offered Nellie a “too sweet.” But she just glowered at him, and he shrugged and kept moving. David shut the door behind them and turned to her.

“I know—I should have told you we planned on kicking out ELP tonight,” he started—but Nellie shook her head.

“I don’t care that you kicked him out.”

He paused. “You don’t?”

She shook her head again. “No. He made his bed, now he’s lying in it. I couldn’t care less.”

David was clearly relieved—and pleased—to hear her say that. “Oh; okay.” He took her by the hips and drew her into him. “Then what do you look so upset about?”

She slid her hands up his shoulders and around his neck. “I’m not upset,” she calmly returned. “I’ve just come to a decision.”

“Have you?” he asked with interest. Arching his brow in that slight way of his.

“Mhm,” she hummed. “Are you going after Tama’s NEVER Openweight Title?”

He nodded. “I am.”

“Good,” she returned. “Let’s take over.”

A slow grin spread over David’s face. “Absolutely,” he said, and for the first time in months—years—Nellie felt secure, the whole world ahead of her. She was with David, he was with her, and they were going to disrupt everything.

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