#captain pigheart

[captainignatiuspigheart]

Captain Pigheart’s Crustacean Adventure Gaargh, twas the night before ye mornin’ after. Me and the lads’d put in at nearby Thorny Knobbler for a well-deserved and liver-bruising bingein’. Y’see, our lootin’ of a brace o’ refugee ships just off the coast looked to be boostin’ our lamentable performance in ye Piratical League Tables. We gatecrashed the village’s annual Crab Fete, and found ‘em celebratin’ their crabbin’ at the Sole Tavern where they merrily capered in amusin’ marine garb. Ahar, we had a fair old braggin’ over the sheer cunning we’d expended on ye luckless travellers. We’d masqueraded as a ship o’ mercy, offerin’ to tend to the various sickenin’s such as ye know from ye times at sea. Gaargh, the surprise on their faces as we boarded ‘em unasked and then sailed off with the remnants o’ their former lives - it be a treasure itself. Talk soon turned to the fresh tally o’ league points we’d accrued ... >> Read On with Captain https://wp.me/pbprdx-8ft

[underthecrossbones]

UTC 110 Nick Tyler aka Captain Pigheart

UTC 110 Nick Tyler aka Captain Pigheart

Nick Tyler is a pirate fan, Lego nut, writer, and comedian out of Nottingham, England.  And his Captain Pigheart stories are a treat for any (adult) pirate fan.  Not for the kiddies.  But absolutely hilarious. You may not be familiar with Nick’s work even if you’re pretty tapped into the pirate scene. So I’m happy to bring you something new and cool today. We go everywhere in this conversation:…

[captainignatiuspigheart]

Alphabetic Dialogues 10 – The Moist Pirate The good Captain Ignatius Pigheart and his friend Horatio the Hermit are spending a penny or two in ye another Scandinavian bar. Their conversation degrades along with the whale ale. HH 'Tis damp out' IP 'Unnervin' skill ye have there Horatio, o' notin' ye matters o' least note' HH 'Verily was a worshipped as a Seer in the lands of me youth' IP 'Worshipped? Whipped I'd reckon closer to the tellery' HH 'eXcelling in the reading of the future was no beatable fate' IP 'Ye hide bears testament to a differin' past' HH 'Zealots of mine enemies rose against me, jealous of my powers of foresight Ignatius' IP 'And so ye lurks in a cave 'pon ye ocean's snatch?' HH 'Belittling my gifts diminishes them not at all' IP 'Cuttin' ye own guts out and bestrewin' their lyin' twists upon the floor might fray ye skills' HH 'Doubtless you've never had occasion to consult with one of my own profession, then?' IP 'Every ... >> Read On with Alphabetic https://wp.me/pbprdx-f8

[captainignatiuspigheart]

An Amourous Pirate – Alphabetic Dialogues 14 Captain Ignatius Pigheart samples the dubious pleasures of 'Old Maisy's Hole', one of the few hostelries that offer welcome to a man of the sea. Within its dank walls lie the scum of the port; gamblers, thieves, cripples and night ladies sprawl across the stained furniture. Ignatius brings out the old Captain Loveheart routine for the pretty barwench. Not Old Maisy mind. Braver men than he have attempted to plunder her charms and beaten a hasty retreat as lesser men. 'Bashful lass eh? Come to me lap ye fine chested beauty. Don't fear a man with just one hand. Eye too. For tis a sign o' me bravery and manhood. Gaaargh, ye seems not tempted. Have I an unappealin' scent about me? It be to ye credit that ye be so honest. Just withhold ye further candour for fear o' harmin' me pride. Know ye that I've wooed many a lass, above and below ye waves. Let me regale ye with such a tale o' me piscine paramour. Me state ... >> Read On with An Amourous https://wp.me/pbprdx-gU

[captainignatiuspigheart]

Alphabetic Dialogue 4 A Measurely Morning On the deck of the Good Ship Lollipop, Captain Pigheart and No Hands Mick take some air. 'Gaargh, tis a morn' o' uncanny brightness Mick' 'Have ye taken ye daily measurin's yet cap'n?' 'I've me scan o' the horizon and the pairin' o' compasses afore me yet' 'Just strappin' on me measuratin mitts' 'Knit 'em to ye wrists in that clockwards method' 'Let's take readin's!' 'Mick, I admires ye enthusiasm' 'Never more enchanted by nature than when takin' her bearings cap'n' 'Oh ye are a child o' science and Madame Mer indeed' 'Place ye instrument upon the breeze' 'Quotidian matters such as these keep a man sane at sea' 'Right you are sir, now shalls we extend together our vanes?' 'Slight tilt to ye weather-cock I'd not noted previously there Mick' 'Tis a sensitive matter' 'Unusually sensitive judgin' from the rise in its bulb' 'Verily, for ye salty breeze does pluck at me arrow' 'Whence comes that wind?' ... >> Read On with Alphabetic https://wp.me/pbprdx-cv

[captainignatiuspigheart]

Captain Pigheart’s Paternal Adventure Gaargh, as I sit here with a pot o’ crude coral rum and me peg leg restin’ on the table behind me, I’m minded to recall a day most dear to me black and twisted heart. The sun were bright in the sky, silhouetting them gulls what wheeled overhead. The sound o’ me playmates laughter were on the breeze, along with the endless clack o’ buttons in their bins. Twas just one more idyllic day at the Merciful Monks’ Manufactory Orphanage. I’d been left there as a mere babe, with all me limbs, wrapped up in a pirate’s hat. I’d only just mastered the sewing o’ buttons onto ladies unmentionables, but in time I’d be skilled enough to stitch boots of high fashion for gentlemen. The sunny day were barely visible through ye high windows, but ye summery atmosphere were suddenly split by a tremendous thunderin’. No, twas not the portly lad chained to me left, for smoke were rising outside and the walls shook ... >> Read On with Captain https://wp.me/pbprdx-S

[captainignatiuspigheart]

Captain Pigheart’s Hairy Adventure

Captain Pigheart’s Hairy Adventure - a bit late, but still keeping up with some daily writing from nowhere. Today: fresh pirate adventure and the usual nonsense! https://wp.me/pbprdx-8QE #pirates #shortstory #dailyroutine #dailywriting

Twas yet another dark night – it seems to be a theme of our venturin’ across the straits between Noster Fabreezi and the temple island of Blue Lycan. Not that yer noble captain is complainin’, no sir. The darkest nights are finest for sneaking, hiding and ambushing. It had just been an awful long while since we’d seen the moon. Ye see, before our present venture (which we’ll be getting to, calm…

[captainignatiuspigheart]

Under the Crossbones podcast ep 110 Nick Tyler aka Captain Pigheart

Under the Crossbones #podcast 'Nick Tyler aka Captain Pigheart' OMG that's me! On @undercrossbones w @roadsidephil

A couple of weeks ago I received a lovely email, quite out of the blue, from one Phil Johnson, comedian and pirate-lover (no, not like that, well – not with me. Maybe next time.) inviting me to be interviewed for his podcast, Under the Crossbones.

It’s a very cool podcast, covering an astonishing range of people interested in pirates, from historians and underwater archaeologists to, well, me. It…

[captainignatiuspigheart]

Captain Pigheart on Notts TV 1 December 2017 - happy times reading a pirate Xmas story and chatting with @rminkley Well gosh, I'm in danger of becoming  semi-regular guest on Notts TV. I was very happy to be invited back to babble about the royal engagement, judge some pirates and read a Christmassy pirate story live on air.

[captainignatiuspigheart]

Lost At Sea on Notts TV - 13 October 2017

Lost At Sea on Notts TV - 13 October 2017 - some clips of the fun I had on @nottsTV last month, with @shreyasenhan

They had me back! To my amazement, I have been asked back onto our local digital TV channel Notts TV, to spout whatever comes into my head, and share a pirate story. Of course I only had about 60 seconds to tell the story in, so I hacked The Lost at Sea Adventure down to a mere 260 words. “But how”, you ask. Why, by cutting out the jokes and some of the gore… it’s not quite that brutal a hack,…

[captainignatiuspigheart]

Talk Like A Pirate Day on Notts TV

Talk Like A Pirate Day on Notts TV: I was on the telleh-box with @Notts_TV and it was very lovely. #tlapd #pirate

We have a fantastic local digital TV channel called Notts TV, they do a great range of news and features, which you can watch on TV as well as on catchup and on the web. Fancy innit, this future world. For this year’s Talk Like A Pirate Day (September 19, in case you’ve forgotten this most hallowed of dates) I was invited onto Notts TV’s topical talk show, Notts Tonight by the splendid Merryn Rae…

[captainignatiuspigheart]

Captain Pigheart’s String Along Adventure I does like to stroll upon ye seaside a-scannin’ for precious flotsam. Me glass eye literally popped out when a Punch and Judy show blighted me view. A red mist came over me remaining eye and I lunged for ye puppet fondler. Aaarrr, the next I knew Mick were draggin’ me away, me hook bloodied and the air full o’ children’s bawlin’. I suppose I ought to explain me beach rampage. It all began as we were about to embark for our treasure isle and there to bury our loot. When I were approached by a gentleman o’ Italian inclination I were naturally suspicious. He introduced himself as Olivio di Pederasti, a puppeteer o'some repute, recently fallen from grace followin’ a brave new performance of ‘Ye Lustful Monk’ at a primary school. He sought refuge from the law and offered entertainment as payment. He were a bit odd, but his amusin’ accent would be a welcome distraction from Twister and chunderin’ >> Read On with Captain https://wp.me/pbprdx-1Z

[captainignatiuspigheart]

Ahoy me hearties! ~ http://captainpigheart.com/ Gaargh,   How be ye, ye fine merfolk? Tis me fondest hope that ye be a-baskin' on a rock in the middle of the ocean, awaiting a charmin' pirate to whisk ye off ye tail and show ye a fine piratical time.   Well, tis all grand for meself, Ignatius. Yarr, it's been some time since I last pestered ye in a friendsome and solicitous way. This year there've been many excitin' developments which I be keen to share with ye, if ye can stand it. Ye First Matter Ye captain's got a bold new website (aarrr, tis a proper one) at which ye'll find more adventures than ever before and a vastly improved manner o' seekin' 'em.   I do hopes ye'll be having a good poke around me hold:   http://captainpigheart.com/   I'll be addin' all manner o' goodies over the next few months (alongside ye current groupings of tales, YouTube clips and delightful Pigheart artwork) such as character tales and biographies for all them >> Read On with Ahoy me https://wp.me/pbprdx-7b

[captainignatiuspigheart]

Captain Pigheart’s Buoyant Adventure Yarr, it were a beautiful day and the sun were beating down upon the Grim Bastard and her crew of stalwart bastards like a sea otter opening a crab. The seagulls were screeching their scavengin’ lullabies. Ye may think ‘em coarse and tuneless but in comparison with the whingeing of me crew tis an operatic bliss. The current complaint was a distant relation to a possible navigational error, which might, if pushin’ came to shovin’ came to a runnin’ through, be laid at me foot. So far I’d managed to divert blame to me helmsman , Abraham Lambkin on account of his being a cloth-eared fool (this is no general term of abuse; the poor lad had suffered terribly in a crow’s cage and covered his aural shame with a pair of fetchin’ lambs tails. Now this sound-proofing plus his habit of rocking back and forth in therapeutic motion makes it difficult to be sure ye directions’ve pierced his skull). Anyways, due to me >> Read On with Captain https://wp.me/pbprdx-8f