#captain america crack
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I love Bucky loving his body. I love Bucky loved by the team. I love Bucky having his happy ending with a family. Imagine Bucky lounging around the sofa with his little baby girl tucked in his arm, her sweet face covered in frosting after smothering half of her cupcake onto her cheeks. The icing is bright red just like Tony's suit and it's his birthday party afterall, so everything is in full swing. Most of the cupcake is squished between her fingers, very little actually making it into her mouth but Bucky doesn't mind. He chuckles, watching her with heart eyes as she happily smears it onto his crisp white shirt, babbling and cooing, now sucking her thumb.
He is absolutely unbothered by this, all he sees is his happy little baby with her cheeky smile licking up all the frosting just like her mama. While Bucky couldn't care less about his shirt, a few others certainly did.
"Better get dunk that shirt into a bucket of tide pens Barnes" Clint snorted.
"Actually the quicker you get it off, the less likely it is to stain. Take it off now" Tony's voice went from fatherly advice to a seductive growl making Bucky's face twist in amusement, pink starting to color his cheeks.
"Yeah, give the little munchkin to y/n and take it off. Cause of the stain" Nat agreed, cocking an eyebrow. You giggled watching the scene unfold before you, your husband growing bashfully shy.
"Can't hurt punk" Steve shrugged and Bucky's eyes nearly popped out of his head until he realized his best friend had been nursing a rather large glass of Asgardian mead. Tipsy Steve was always a little bit of a pervert...
"I-
"For the stain"
"I think you just want me to take my shirt off" Bucky huffed while you grinned, giving his cheek a peck before taking your little princess in your arms.
"Can't blame them handsome, c'mon, show em' how lucky I am" you whisper and that sells it. Couldn't hurt and since they were all asking...
"Just take it off!" Nat howled with a wink, a bunch of whistles when Bucky sighed, indulging the team a little. He unbuttons his shirt and hands it off to a genuinely concerned Sam who would normally make sure the shirt got sent to the cleaners but this is too good so he throws it into a bucket of cold water and is back within seconds.
"Good God"
"Jesus"
"You look fuckin' good terminator"
"Alright, alright" Bucky holds his hands up, unable to stop the way his ears are bright red, shaking his head when you blow him a kiss making him blush more.
"Body shots!"
"What?"
"Yes"
Tony's eyes glimmer with excitement, and Bucky snorts, loving the way you egg him on, his daughter also squealing with excitement.
"Go on Sarge, y'know you look good"
He lies down on the bar table, surrounded by just the team, abs beautifully flexed as Nat pours a generous amount of some type of alcohol right on his belly button.
"When else will we get this lucky" She says with a playful smirk while Steve cracks his knuckles.
"Why are you cracking your knuckles, what the hell do you plan on-
"ME FIRST" He doesn't give anyone a chance, face planting himself into Bucky's tummy, his lips sealed, drinking every bit of the burning liquor with a satisfied hum.
"How much has he had to drink"
"Who cares, me next"
"I think you've licked enough of my husband"
"You get him all the time, don't be greedy"
"That cute little chubby ball of frosting and giggles is enough evidence you get him every which way, besides isn't there another one cooking, y'can't have any now git"
"Blink twice if you need help"
"Bro looks like an angel"
"Why aren't you blinking"
"Crafted by the heavens"
"You like this, don't you"
Bucky can't help but chuckle, surrounded by idiots. Drunk idiots. His wife. His baby girl. Another little one on the way. All who love him. Would protect him. Life was good.
#bucky barnes x you#bucky barnes#bucky barnes x female reader#bucky barnes fluff#bucky barnes x y/n#bucky barnes x reader#bucky x reader#bucky barnes x f!reader#bucky x y/n#bucky barnes fanfiction#marvel#marvel fanfic#marvel fic#marvel fanfiction#marvel fluff#marvel imagine#marvel x reader#mcu fanfiction#mcu imagine#bucky barnes x reader fluff#bucky barnes x fluff#bucky barnes crack fic#natasha romanoff#iron man#tony stark#steve rogers#captain america#avengers fanfic#avengers fanfiction#avengers fluff
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Tony: *walks into the room, infuriated*
Bucky: what
Tony: what did you do to my security system?!
Bucky: I changed it *sips his coffee*
Tony: *sighs at his nonchalance* How…did you do it?
Bucky: you want like a thesis or…?
Tony: *rolls eyes* I meant, why did you know how to do this?? We spent 2 hours teaching Steve how to change his phones ringtone
Steve: hey! It kept reverting to the default one *embarrassed*
Bucky: *snorts* that’s cuz it’s Steve, he hates technology, if it was up to him we would be writing our reports in hand with a quilled pen
Bucky: Also, I had to learn through my missions because failure was never excused
Tony: um
Bucky: they put me in cryo once for failing a mission that involved hacking into a security system so then the next time I had to make sure I knew what I was doing
Steve: *worried*
Tony: um ye-yeah that makes sense
Bucky: also you had cameras in our room, not cool
Bucky: *gets up from the table, about to leave the room* also I changed that weeks ago, and now the cameras are only active in your suite, so do with that what you will
Bucky: *starts to walk away * also, delete our footage unless you want yours to be public property
Tony: *blinks*
Tony: *hurrying after him* it was for security purposes!! Don’t walk away from me what footage do you have?! BUCKY!!
Peter: oh my god he is so scary
Clint: he is amazing
Steve: *proud*
#stucky#the winter soldier#bucky fanfic#james bucky buchanan barnes#steve rogers#captain america#james bucky barnes#domestic avengers#peter parker#tony stark#clint barton#avengers crack
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that meme of bucky with the twitter post saying "the winter soldier having flashbacks of gay sex and not knowing why"
“I think I’m gay,” Bucky announces abruptly.
Sam chokes on his beer. Bucky claps him on the back, looking pensively into the dark water. Sam gets a breath, then clears his throat several times before licking his lips.
“What makes you say that?” he asks casually.
“I remember having gay sex,” Bucky answers ponderously. “A lot.”
"A lot?" Sam repeats, now bewildered.
Bucky just nods slowly, his gaze distant. Sam blinks several times, wondering what the hell he's imagining.
“With who?” he demands, looking at him with eyebrows high on his forehead.
Bucky just frowns. “I don’t know. A couple of guys. A big one and a little one.”
Sam looks out at the water, too, mouthing under his breath about how fucking stupid this man can get. Then takes Bucky’s cigarette and drags on it. Bucky snatches it back.
“You’re not a super soldier,” he snaps. “No smoking, kid.”
“Sorry,” Sam replies. “I mean, about – About not remembering… Hm… Oof. That’s, uh, that’s rough, buddy.” He claps Bucky on the shoulder, glancing over his shoulder with a grimace for their friend, the one who was little but now is big and is now retired so he can paint large blue watercolors of some vague masculine figure over and over again, that friend. He faces the water again and blows out his breath. Idiots. Jesus Christ man.
Bucky sighs, wistful, then drags on the cigarette himself. The boat rocks behind them.
“Did I hear you say you remember having gay sex?” Steve calls from behind them.
Bucky glances over his shoulder at him. “Yeah,” he says, nodding. “You know anything about that?”
Sam looks at Steve, raising his eyebrows. Steve’s lower lip wobbles for a second and then he just smiles.
“I’m sure you’ll remember,” he then says quietly.
Bucky nods, turning back. Sam drops his jaw at Steve, who just lowers his gaze and sits down on a bench, hands in his lap and head down. Like a kicked puppy. Sam blusters, half gesturing between the two of them, but Steve shoots him a glare and Bucky doesn't notice. Sam looks between the two of them for over a minute, just watching these two idiots standing five feet apart because they’re not gay.
“Okay,” Sam declares, “that’s it! I’ve had it up to HERE with the homoerotic tension on this boat!”
Bucky looks up, frowning. Steve jerks his head up, too, his eyes wide. Sam points with both hands at Steve, but looks at Bucky.
“He knows somethin’ about you being gay for sure!” he snaps. “Frankly, I think he knows more about it than you do! Double frankly! I know that for a mothafuckin' fact!”
Bucky opens his mouth, looking bewildered, then glances between Steve and Sam. “Huh?”
Sam slaps himself in the face with the hand not holding his beer. Bucky frowns at Steve. Steve blushes and looks towards the stern of the boat. Bucky suddenly gasps, jerking a hand up to point.
“I fucked you!” he shouts.
Steve blushes harder, bright red behind his beard, as he look down into his lap, then he nods, seeming speechless.
Sam smacks himself on the forehead again, making a face at their stupidity. Then Bucky shoves his cigarette back into his hand, and he storms right up to Steve and hauls him off the bench by the back of his shirt. Steve squeaks adorably for a man of his large size, but Bucky starts dragging him off the boat.
“Okay?” Sam calls after them as Steve stumbles to keep up with Bucky. “Bye, I guess?”
“Thanks!” Bucky shouts over his shoulder.
“What’s going on?” Steve says.
“I’m fucking your face in that alley over there, sweetheart,” Bucky announces. "Then I'm coming all over your beard."
“I did not need to hear that!” Sam shouts back. “Didn’t need to hear that! I expect to be both of y’all’s best man at your wedding! And the officiant! And I’mma give both of y’all away, too!” He turns, then pivots, jabbing his finger in their direction. “And it better be a destination wedding, gay ass dumbasses! I wanna go to Bali!”
Steve waves his middle finger behind him as he skips, eagerly, along behind Bucky down the pier. Sam shakes his head, turns, and puffs on the cigarette again.
“Gay ass dumbasses,” he mutters, “one looks over, the other’s already looking away. My ass.”
#steve rogers#bucky barnes#stucky#captain america#marvel#winter soldier#mcu#post serum steve#nomad steve#falcon and the winter soldier#sam wilson#idiots in love#crack fic#drabble#ficlet#falcon#rated m
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(x)
#nat is tired#captain america#peggy carter#steve rogers#natasha romanoff#steggy#mcuchallenge#mine#marveledit#peggycarteredit#steverogersedit#steggymonth#steggyedit#tuserlyn#tuserhan#tusertyler#userlaro#usermelanie#userraffa#userelysia#nessa007#userrlaura#whatelsecanwedonow#userholtz#userpegs#hatwelledit#crack#au
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during the battle in germany, at the airport, peter runs into captain america. oh my god, it's captain america is all that's going through his head right now.
and then peter starts thinking about the psa videos.
while they're fighting, all he can think about are those god damn psa videos. peter knows he's getting distracted- maybe that's why he suddenly finds himself holding up a landing ramp, and captain america is about to throw a crate at him, and tony is about to tackle cap, and-
and all that comes out of peter's stupid mouth is, "so. you've got detention."
everything just. stops. steve freezes and unceremoniously drops the crate, the thud the only source of noise. his face looks like a cherry tomato. tony says, "what the fuck, roos? where did that, out of all things, come from?"
peter, traitor that he is, points at steve and hoarsely whispers, "his school psas."
nat's wheezing laughs are all that is heard over the comms.
next thing peter knows, the shield is coming at him, he's pathetically flying through the air, hitting the ground, and out like a light.
when the rogues come back to the compound, peter and steve can't look at eachother for a week.
#captain america psa#don't reblog as ship#cacw#steve rogers#captain america#captain america civil war#tony stark#iron man#team iron man#team cap#natasha romanoff#black widow#irondad and spiderson#spiderman#peter parker#mcu marvel#marvel mcu#avengers#marvel fandom#crack post#crack fic
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Marvel characters x oblivious!reader
Steve Rogers:
Steve and you had been getting to know each other for the past few months and were becoming good friends. Although, Steve had begun to get feelings for you that were not so friendly. He wanted more out of your guys' relationship.
He'd never been good with flirting, but decided to at least try in doing so incase he scared you off or made you uncomfortable by being too upfront.
So, while on a walk with you one winter day, Steve decided to make his move.
"Y'know, Buck once told me pretty girls always have cold hands." The cold didn't bother Steve because he was a Super-Soldier, but he assumed that it would cause some discomfort for a normal human.
You look down at your hands.
"Huh. Mine are always warm." But either way, you shoved your hands in your jacket pocket, not noticing that Steve had put out his hand for you to hold.
Peter Parker
Peter and you had been going out for a little while now, and every time he'd try to flirt with you, you'd be oblivious. So after building up some confidence (with the help of Ned), he asked you. "Can I have a kiss?"
You look at Peter in shock, wondering how he knew you had a bag of kiss in your bag. You rummage through it and hand him one.
"Here," You say, handing the small chocolate to him.
Ned held in a laugh.
"Th-thanks?" Peter said, his voice cracking with confusion and embarrassment at being rejected - even if it was done obliviously by you.
Wanda Maximoff
Wanda had tried flirting with you before and you would never quite get the hint. She had assumed there was something wrong with the way she tried to make romantic advances with you and went to the Natasha to get some pointers.
Later on, Wanda decided to use some of Nat's tips.
Wanda asked you if you wanted to bake cookies with her and invited you into the Avengers Tower kitchen.
While you both were baking and talking, Wanda would try to make her laughs sound breathy when you made a joke or would compliment you from time to time.
When she noticed you were having trouble icing one of the cookies, she stood behind you, and gently wrapped one of her hands around your hand that was holding the piping bag while you held onto the cookie.
"Here," she whispered, her hot breath hitting your ear as she helped you ice your cookie.
After Wanda was done, she placed the icing bag on the counter and looked at you, trying to see if her flirting had done the trick. But you don't notice anything out of the ordinary.
"Thanks, Wanda," you say, thinking she was just trying to be helpful.
You went to grab another cookie to ice, when she suddenly grabbed your chin. "You have something on your face," she says.
You look up at her in surprise as she swipes her thumb against your cheek. She brings her thumb to her mouth before licking the icing off.
You look up at Wanda, your brows furrowed. "That's disgusting, Wanda."
#Reader is a total dumbass😭😭#This was based off of a tiktok but for some reason I couldn't link it😭#peter parker x reader#peter parker#spider-man x reader#x reader#spider-man#marvel x reader#mcu x reader#mcu#marvel#steve rogers#steve rogers x reader#crack fic#wanda maximoff x reader#wanda maximoff#wanda x reader#wanda x you#fanfiction#captain america x reader#wanda maximoff x y/n#captain america
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lazarus in love.
not easily conquered, dropdeaddream & whatarefears // work song, hozier // death and the maiden, egon schiele // you are jeff, richard siken
#discussing with my sister that they must've put crack in the captain america movies bc why were there actual poets coming out of the woodw#woodwork to write abt two guys in a marvel movie. like what was that era 💀#anyway yeah. here u go#richard siken#hozier#stucky#death and the maiden#not easily conquered#web weaving#creations#marvel#the winter soldier#steve rogers#bucky barnes
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Around the time she started to question why she was on the team.
#agents of shield#aos#aos crack#melinda may#the cavalry#phillip coulson#philinda#captain america#steve rogers#mcu#background agent 3
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fairytale au where bucky snaps out of the winter soldier state and gets his memories back when steve gives him a true love's kiss
#does this count as crack#like a beauty and the beast thing#except the beauty is also a knight ig?#steve rogers#captain america#bucky barnes#winter soldier#stucky#stevebucky
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STOP THE CAP— avengers x reader
WARNINGS: death, massive side eye.
for some reason I couldn’t reply to the original ask, but here’s the fic!
The funeral was a somber affair, the air thick with the scent of flowers and the sound of quiet sobs. Y/N’s framed photo sat at the front, capturing her in one of her rare smiling moments—probably bribed or forced into it.
A well-dressed speaker stepped up to the podium, clearing their throat. “Y/N was one of the kindest souls I ever met. She never hurt anyone.”
A synchronized side-eye swept through the row where the Avengers sat. Bucky raised an eyebrow. Steve’s jaw clenched. Sam let out a quiet, disbelieving scoff. Tony, who had an actual scar from one of her legendary rage fits, leaned toward Bruce.
“She broke my nose once.”
Bruce, rubbing his arm where Y/N had once dead-armed him for ‘science,’ nodded solemnly.
“She was never angry,” the speaker continued.
“That’s cap,” someone muttered under their breath. No one could tell who said it, but judging by the way Tony’s shoulders were shaking, he was a prime suspect.
“She was always smiling,” the speaker pressed on, voice full of emotion.
Steve inhaled sharply. His mind instantly flashed back to that one time—the time he had made the grave mistake of waking Y/N up when she had overslept. The death glare she had given him had nearly sent him into cardiac arrest. No words had been exchanged—only the sheer, unfiltered rage in her bleary eyes. He had never, ever woken her up again.
At this point, the entire Avengers row was staring at the speaker with the intensity of a thousand suns. Natasha and Wanda remained composed, but the guys? They were judging. Hard.
Tony leaned forward. “Are we sure they even knew her?”
Sam shook his head, muttering, “They must be talking about a different Y/N.”
“Definitely,” Bucky agreed.
The speaker, oblivious to the silent roast session happening in the front row, continued their exaggerated praise.
Clint, who had been quiet this whole time, finally leaned over and whispered, “Should we say something?”
Bucky shrugged. “Nah. Let them have their fantasy. She’ll haunt them soon enough.”
There was a beat of silence.
Then, somewhere in the room, the lights flickered.
And for a split second, everyone swore they heard Y/N’s voice whisper—
“That’s cap.”
#avengers#x reader#reader insert#x female reader#the avengers#steve rogers#sam wilson#bucky barnes#natasha romanov#wanda maximoff#crack fic#captain america#the falcon and the winter soldier#scarlet witch#black widow#marvel x you#marvel x reader#marvel#avengers x you#avengers x reader
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SOMEONE OLDER ( TONY STARK X READER)
summary : when boys your age just don't do it for you but someone older does .
warnings : age gap ( legal one before anyone is calling svu ) mutual pining , no pepper in this universe
" nat I'm done dating the dude brought me to a strip club and gave me ones to tip the dancers " Y/n huffed walking into the main living room. " Jesus and I thought my dating life was bad " bucky snorted dodging the incoming pillow . " guys my age suck " she pouted sitting down beside the widow placing her head on nats shoulder. " date me and we can live our best lives " nat smirked poking her side. " I would but bruce won't share " she rolled her eyes . " I'll deal with him " she chuckled . " well you could always date me doll " bucky wiggled his brows . " i'm already in therapy no thank you " she stuck her tongue out at the man . " well i would of gave you fives for the club " he shrugged . " oh take me now " she fake swooned into the couch. " i mean i could rock your world doll " he stood walked towards her thinking he had the edge . " and i'd break you " she looked up making bucky freeze in his spot . " i think you just did that " sam fell over laughing . " that's my girl " nat hugged her. " damn it she goes all doe eyes and says shit like that " he grumbled in his defeat. " it's ok we can hit the club i might have a connection with one of the dancers at this rate " she sighed. " what about the crush " sam looked around . " just a crush i mean not going to go anywhere other than that " she pouted. " can't believe you've the hots for stark and not me " bucky teased . " i like older men, not one from the great depression " she rolled her eyes . " she a match for stark with that mouth of her " bucky chuckled . " a lot this mouth could can do boy " she hopped up while nat laughed at the mens gaping mouths . " see you later malyshka" nat called after her. " bye nat love you " she called back .
she roamed around compound not really knowing what to do , i mean she had the choice of working out with steve but that was hard pass , maybe working on her computer in the lab would kill time . she could see bruce and tony already working away on whatever, it's like the two lived in the confines of that part of the compound. " hey kiddo how was the date " bruce called . " bust like major bust " she groaned heading to her computer. " well i mean his name was chad " tony chuckled . " he brought me to a strip club, he out chadded any future chads " she rolled her eyes. " hey tony could you come with me i need your help " bruce smiled taking the billionaire gaze off the girl . " with what ?" tony head shot towards the fellow science bro . " snack run can't carry it so come on , you want anything kiddo? " he asked. " oh cookies and chips please " she looked up excitedly. " coming up " tony smiled brightly. " course it is " bruce muttered . " why don't you make a move man even i can see you like her " bruce whispered as they walked down the hall . " she's too young plus i mean who say she even likes me , she always around barnes " tony shrugged . " she doesn't like me stark " bucky made the two men jump at his sudden appearance . " yeah ok, you guys are always flirting " he rolled his eyes . " no i'm always flirting and she shooting me down with sarcastic comment it's our thing , i love her like a best friend " he chuckled grabbing himself a plum as they began snack hunting . " still she same age as parker and he's called me dad way too many times " he grimaced. " maybe she can call you daddy " nat walked by with a wink before kissing bruce on the cheek. " we don't even know if she likes me i've flirted with her and it does nothing " he said not feeling his usual cocking ego filled self , a first for tony stark he was sure of that . " you flirt with everyone even F.R.I.D.A.Y " nat deadpanned . " hey honey feel like watching a movie" bruce kissed her cheek , hint of mischief in his words . " i guess i'll bring the snacks to the lab " tony picked them up . " hey here's a bottle of that tea stuff she like" nat threw it across the room . " thanks i guess " he walked out wondering would he actually make a move on not . again it was all new for tony he was used to women making the move throwing themselves at him yet here he was wondering how to make a move . He wondered if this was how tiny capsicle felt ? .
she sat so stuck in her work she barely noticed tony approaching hands filled with snacks until the door opened. " where's banner " she tilt her head she was sure the two left together. " with his girlfriend , probably afraid your gonna steal her on him " he smirked handing her the cookies , chips and bottle of ice tea. " i will so he should be scared " she giggled . " so no luck on these dates ?" he knew it was ridiculous fishing around god he felt the kid . " most definitely not i think i'm destined to be single , i mean guys my age just wanna hump and dump and that's cool but after a while you kinda want more " she sighed looking down at her cookie. " i get that , i mean sleeping around is great but when you're looking for more it's get boring " he nodded. " yeah except you sleep with actresses and models not same thing , like douchebag last night brought me to a strip club because he found out i was bisexual " she laughed dryly . " i'm still finding glitter and i've showered twice" she grimaced. " why not date someone older " he smiled softly. " i would if i could find anyone that took me serious , i mean again they treat you like kid i'm clearly smart and have a head on my shoulders , been taking care of myself since i was like 16 and yet they think i can't do shit for myself or after their money like" she groaned. " well it's official the male species is doomed , i mean not to take such a beautiful smart intelligent woman like you and see how lucky they are, i really should of let loki take over " he smiled as she giggled. " thanks stank know how to make a girl feel special" she smiled feeling slightly better well she would if the stupid brain of her would calm down as well as her heart rate. " crazy yet brilliant thought , we go on a date , i mean your beautiful and i'm gorgeous , i take you serious most of the time and well i know your worth " he stood straight up looking as she slowly looked up at him . " you wanna date me, like as in you tony hot science iron man stark wants to date me " . " yeah i think i said as much " he chuckled. " when " she asked thinking she was asleep cause this was clearly a dream . " well how's tonight sound for you " he walked over leaning slightly over her desk before she shot up and it came out before her brain even registered the audible glup . " she said yes " bucky called making the both of them jump . " what the fuck are you a cat " she held her chest. " nah but this was fun to watch , good on you stark " he smiled walking off. " i'm getting a bell for him " she laughed once the fright and shock wore off. "so you'll go on date with me " he asked biting his lip . " i mean you did say i should date someone older " she kissed his cheek walking out of the lab calming once out of his sight she high balled it to nat help her get ready .
#the avengers#avengers#tony stark#tony stark x reader#natasha romanoff#buckybarnes#steveroger#brucebanner#iron man#marvel fic#clintbarton#wanda maximoff#samwilson#fluffy#crack#peterparker#black widow#captain america#mcu#tony stark fanfiction
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#sam and bucky#sam wilson#bucky barnes#james buchanan barnes#captain america#white wolf#falcon and the winter soldier#falcon#winter soldier#falcon and winter solider series#incorrect sams quotes#incorrect bucky barnes#marvel#avengers#incorrect avengers quotes#avengers incorrect quotes#avengers crack#incorrect marvel quotes#marvel: behind the scenes
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Clint: I want what Cap and Bucky have
Natasha: what is that supposed to mean
Clint: they love each other, would die for each other
Sam: yeah, and also go against the world for each other *sighs*
Clint: it’s just so….pure
*the door bursts open*
Bucky: *walks in, furious* try that one more time Rogers I dare you
Steve: *follows* or what Buck??? You think you are so much smarter than me
Bucky:*stops, yells back* THATS BECAUSE I AM
Bucky: *turns towards the couch* hey guys *smiles*, show of hands how many of you have seen Steve here jump out of a plane without a parachute?
*Sam, Natasha and Clint raise their hands*
Peter: *mortified* what?
Bucky: exactly, spider-kid
Steve: that’s irrelevant!!! They are called tactics, don’t know if you have heard of them *growls back*
Peter: *mumbles* it’s spider-man
Bucky: oh *sarcastic laugh* tactics right, was it tactics when you delayed our mission because you tripped over getting into your monkey suit ??
Steve: ITS NOT A MONKEY SUIT*knocks Bucky over*
Bucky: *rolls to the top* it is because YOU ARE INSIDE IT
Steve: YOU SON OF A BITCH *rolls him back*
Peter: *blinks* what
Tony: *walks in, casually steps over the brawling pair* *looks at the 4 on the couch*
Tony: Bucky saw Caps footage from the battle of New York
Natasha: *confused*
Tony: Cap jumped onto one of the hydra whales from my roof
Everyone else: ohh
Clint: so pure
#stucky#the winter soldier#bucky fanfic#james bucky buchanan barnes#steve rogers#captain america#james bucky barnes#domestic avengers#sam wilson#tony stark#iron man#peter parker#spiderman#natasha romanov#natasha romanoff#clint barton#hawkeye#avengers crack
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"Where is whomst's bitch?"
"D'OOF!" Sam bellows as he's crashed into full-speed by one frantic White Wolf.
"Sorry!" Barnes says, quickly righting Sam before he can fall over. "Where's my bitch?"
"He's --" Sam starts as he lifts a hand to point, and then his brain processes the words that had just come out of Barnes's mouth. "Wait -- Your what?"
"I meant Steve," Barnes snaps with a jerking shake of his head and a metal hand, looking confused himself. "What did I say?"
"You said 'Where's my bitch?'" Sam repeats, dumbfounded.
"Oh," Barnes says, his ears abruptly flushing red. "Whoops. Force of habit. Where is he?"
"Force of what?" Sam demands to know further.
Clint, having just finished putting his hearing aids back in, taps on Barnes's shoulder. "Did you call Steve a bitch?"
"Where the fuck is he?" Barnes snaps again.
Clint and Sam both point down the South Green hallway of the ER, opening their mouths to say, at the same time: "23A."
"Thanks," Barnes says, briefly clapping Sam on the shoulder before jogging down the hallway.
Sam and Clint turn, simultaneously, to face each other.
"He said 'Where's my bitch?'" Sam repeats in a question.
"Did he?" Clint asks.
Tony walks up, slurping loudly on his slushie. "What did I miss?"
"Cap's a bitch," Clint says.
"He's Barnes's bitch," Sam adds.
Tony blinks several times, then looks down at his slushie. "Did I put acid in this or something and forget?"
"Okay, that raises more questions than Steve being anyone's bitch let alone the Winter Soldier's," Sam declares. "Far more concerning questions."
"YOU DID WHAT?!" Barnes's voice suddenly echoes through the hospital.
"I don't think there's acid in your slurpee," Clint says quickly, "Barnes really did call Cap his bitch."
Tony slurps harder on his cherry red slushie, frowning. "No, no, there's acid in here."
"DUDE!" Sam bellows once more.
#steve rogers#bucky barnes#stucky#captain america#marvel#winter soldier#mcu#post serum steve#crack fic#drabble#ficlet#cw recreational drugs#cw LSD#cw acid
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the "bye bye bikinis" line is kinda funny to me because the term "bikini" wasn't coined in relation to a two-piece women's swim suit until a year after Steve "died".
since he knows what Natasha's talking about, at some point in the two years between Avengers Assemble and CATWS, Steve could've had "bikinis ?" in that little notebook of his
imagine it: "stonewall don't drink the kool-aid ? bikinis watergate banana's taste different -- why ?"
#steve rogers#captain america#catws#marvel#mcu#bikini as a term wasn't a thing until 1946 though two piece suits like them did exist already#crack
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The Dragon's mercenary
Deadstroke x Dorathea
Dora had already spent a few days in the Human world when Ser Phantom told her she could leave whenever she wanted to see the human world. Which she did as she left the Ghost Zone; it had truly changed since she was alive.
While on her travels, she found a wounded Ser Phantom! Only after she took care of the boy and healed him up did she notice it wasn't Danny. But a boy who just looks like Danny Well, she worked on him and healed him; later, Deathstroke found his wounded son, and Respawn stopped his father from attacking his savior; without her help, he would have died.
Slade stopped to try to attack her, talked with her, and led her to his base so she could take care of Respawn there.
After a few months, Danny left to search for Dora; he feared something could have happened to her. As he heard, she didn't return to the Ghost Zone. While it's true she can turn into a dragon and all that, it's better to save her than not.
He found her now a mother and wife?
Respawn saw why the woman thought he was him; they look basically the same. Slade saw what had confused Dora, and Dora is happy that James Wilson will now have friends.
+
Once again, a short time later, it was Rose who saw her father in Jump City. Her dad was playing family! And she has a new stepmother, it seems. He seem to have separated private from job.
#danny phantom#dp#dc#dcau#dc comics#dp x dc#dc x dp#batman#dp + dc#Respawn#Deathstroke#princess dorathea#Deathstroke x Dorathea#crack pairing#Respawn gets a mom#Slade Wilson#Respawn name is James Wilson#I mean we should really give him a name at one point#Yes the name is based on James Barnes as Slade is like Captain America#a Super Soldier from the Military#danny fenton#Rose Wilson
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