#cant sleep in so you all get an early update

[nerdyqueerandjewish]

obviously these things are not all on the same scale but the compounding of personal, communal, and global events just have me 🫠

- End of Sept my beloved childhood dog had to be put down

- October 7th, Hamas attack

- October 9th, get a call from my dad that he’s flying in because grandma unexpectedly took a downturn

- October 10th, nervously waiting for my dad’s update all day. Finally get it and hear that things are critical but stable. He feels optimistic after talking to the doctor. He was able to talk to her too. She’s too tired in the evening because dialysis is tiring,but I should visit tomorrow.

- October 11th wake up early and can’t go back to sleep. Go get coffee just for something to do. Gets call at 6:58 from my dad and I know it can’t be good. Go to the hospital. See her. Give the doctors permission to start palliative care so she’s more comfortable. Hold her hand. Give her so many forehead kisses. She cant talk, but she tears up when I tell her how much I love her and my future plans. My dad is wearing a stupid fucking pro-cop shirt and I can’t help but be angry about how clueless he is and for adding this stupidity to a day that’s going to be etched into my brain for the rest of my life. Every 15 minutes or so when the nurse checks in, they remind us that there no rush, but we can take her oxygen mask off whenever we are ready. When are we ready? How are we ever ready? We know she doesn’t want to be kept on life support. Are we ready? We know she is experiencing some discomfort all hooked up like that. Are we ready? Let’s wait for one more person to get here. Are we ready? We wish she could tell us what she wanted. Are we ready? After everyone got to say goodbye. I think my partner was the one to finally suggest that it was time and I agreed. Or was it me who said it? My dad was looking for any input. An only child, not wanting to make these decisions alone. I slip into my historic role of eldest daughter, not even much younger than him anymore, knowing a decision is better than no decision. My sister and I each have one of her hands. As soon i can no longer hear her last exhale, the doctor comes in to declare her time of death. People spend different amounts of time after. My sister has to go back to work. My dad stays around, then says he’s going to grab his sweatshirt from his truck, then texts and says he’s going to find somewhere for us to get brunch. I spend about an hour with her after she was gone. Holding her hand, kissing her forehead, rubbing her arm until it’s completely cold. It takes longer than I’d thought. I keep a lock of her hair. It’s hard to leave her bedside. Next time I touch her body it will be pulverized bone that I’m trying to scoop into a locket. My partner and I get brunch with my dad.

This grief is by far the most difficult thing I’ve had to deal with in my life, and I don’t think my life has been particularly easy. She was the source of unconditional love I could depend on in my life. She was only 68 so I took for granted there would be more time. I’m able to cling to knowing that she was ready even if I wasn’t, that she had a peaceful death with people she loved. Meanwhile I’m seeing headlines every day grief multiplied over and over again, learning more about the attack, learning more about the Israeli military response escalating, bombings, bringing more and more death and grief. Violent deaths with last moments that haunt and terrify me. Deaths where the mourners do not get the comfort that I’ve been clinging to. Grieve for Jews and I have people who I consider my peers deciding that this means I’m some sort of right wing nationalist who doesn’t give a shit about Palestinians. Grieve for Palestinians, and people in my community think I’m some sort of self hating jew who believes terrorists attacks are justified. Feeling rejection on multiple fronts when shit is real. Even writing it I can hear a response of “really, feeling rejection is hurting you? People are dying!” And it’s like YES- people dying doesn’t mean that suddenly we no longer experience the human need for connection AND the thing that’s causing this rejection is seeing people’s humanity and CARING ABOUT THOSE DEATHS.

Really I just don’t know how a person can’t see their own grief and pain reflected back again and again in other people.

Don’t really have a point to this aside from the fact that this is definitely warping my brain in new and exciting ways but just shout out to people who are dealing with Major World Events and Major Life Events at the same time time. It sucks ass.

[scoonsalicious]

hi pookie its meee🩷🩷

I just wanna tell im sorry that i havent been spamming lately😂. Part of it is because im busy preparing for my sis engagement day which is tomorrow (WHO KNEW ENGAGEMENT WOULD BE VERY CHAOTIC?!)

Unwanted updates has been my alarm clock early in the morning (around 6-8)😂. Usually I would wake up at 12 in the afternoon but since then, early it is.

Somehow my brain knows when you’ll update.

OKKAY Let’s rewind to chpter 23. Of all things… SHEAR A SHEEP?!😂😂😂😂 Thinking about it, I might actually do it too😂 Tony and Pocket clicked right away. I love their dynamic. He cares for her since the beginning and for someone like Pocket, she needs him. That chapter is wholesome.

Next, even if it’s only 1 part, we got to see Sam and Pocket in action and I can’t wait for more. Sam calling himself dark chocolate is just😂😂😂😂. Also a glimpse of Pocket’s childhood/backstory😔 She’s a tough one which makes me even more worried. The ‘plan’. Buying drugs from Kozlov sounds BAD. This makes me think that they will force her to take some kind of new drugs that made her really vulnerable and kidnapped her. (and i really REALLY think, will be the work of fucker cunthage).

Last but not least, I miss Bucket😂 I miss his stupid head. I cant wait for him to be the knight in shining armor, saving his beloved Pocket and beat the shit out of Jeremiah. I trust Pookie will build him to the manly man he needed to be.

Anyways, as always, loads of love for u Pookie. Ur work r the best.😭🩷 I cant wait for the upcoming new story.🔥

Hi, Bestie!!! I love getting your messages! And no need to apologize, because 1) they are *never* spam, and 2) you're busy! Congratulations to your sister, by the way! I hope she has a very long, happy, and healthy marriage! I'm glad I can be your personal alarm clock, lol; though, if I could sleep until noon, that's all I'd be doing! So, the shearing a sheep thing-- I was having a convo with @mrsbuckybarnes1917 and was talking about how I think RDJ and I could be besties, just hanging out and shooting the shit and going on ridiculous adventures, then I was like "he seems like the kind of guy I could shear a sheep with in the middle of the night." And BOOM! An origin story was born! It ended up working out better than I expected. I love writing them together so very much. He really is the solid foundation of her life, and if not for him, who knows where she'd be right now?

Sam calling himself 'Dark Chocolate' was loosely based on Marshall from How I Met Your Mother calling himself 'Big Fudge.' I dunno, as I was writing, I just saw Sam saying it, and I was like 'Bingpot!'

I miss Bucket, too. He has a teeny, tiny over-the-phone cameo in the next part, but they won't be 'on screen' again together until Chapter 25. I should have kept them apart for longer, honestly, but I couldn't resist.

Three parts coming out today, since they're all relatively short, and I'll be leaving you on a bit of cliff hanger to start your weekend. In the meantime, I'm off to work on With Friends Like These which, part way through chapter four, is already 19.5k words. Brevity is not my strong suit, apparently, lol.

As always, Pookie loves you so much, and the cat-kiss gifs give me life! There's nothing I love more than a kitten smooch!

[kpopsickies]

could you do one where seungmin is super sick (emeto) and chan cares for him for a couple days?

Sickie: Seungmin

Caretaker: Chan

I told y'all lots of updates were coming =)

Seungmin p.o.v

After what felt like an eternity the members of stray kids were finally allowed to have a break. We had been so busy with schedules over the past few months but finally our company was allowing us a few week break. Almost all the members were oin home to visit family. I was excited it had been a while since I had seen my family.

But the night before I was supposed to leave I had started to feel sick. I sincerely hoped it was just from the excitement. The discomfort kept me awake late into the night. It was almost 3 AM when I started to question the possibility that the discomfort of my stomach was a bit more than just excitement. It had changed from a dull ache to a nauseating, aching, just generally horrible feeling. I started to feel nauseous and felt bile creeping up the back of my throat, I climbed out of bed as quickly as possible, the movement jostled my stomach and caused it to churn. I hurried to the bathroom, I was so sick I didn't even bother to shut the door, let alone lock it.

Chan p.o.v

I heard a crashing noise from the hallway. I was trying to figure out who possibly could be up so late, well I guess early. I was about to investigate the sound when my question was answered as I heard a harsh retching and then the sound of vomit hitting water. I hurried to climb out of bed and rushed to the bathroom, where Seungmin was bent over the toilet. I knelt down next to him. “I rubbed his back as he continued to throw up. he whimpered softly. Its okay Minnie. It will be over soon“

“hyung it hurts.”

“I know. Just try and breathe” He whimpered again.

“I know Minnie. Are you done throwing up?” he nodded, “I think so” I helped him stand up and I gently lead him to my room. My roommates already out of the house on their vacation. "Sorry hyung."

"Dont apoloize, You cant control being sick"

"Still, feel bad"

"Sick bad or guilty bad?"

"Both" he admitted softly, he rubbed his stomach. "I'm going to grab a heat pack. It might help with your stomach." Seungmin nodded. I moved the trash can next to the bed. "There's that in case you get sick again bud" He nodded, his skin was pale and looked tinged slightly green. I left the room, only a moment later I heard a "Hyung?" it was weak and sounded pained. The call was followed by an unmistakable gag and then the sound of vomit. I hurried back to the room and started rubbing Seungmin's back as he curled over the trash can, expelling the contents of his stomach.

His body wracked with painful sounding gags, I felt his back muscles tense with the force of the vomit. The force of his vomiting combined with his sobs wretched his whole body forwards. "Min you need to breathe" I whispered softly, rubbing his back comfortingly. He sniffled, "hurts" he said softly. He leaned back against my chest, "done?" 

"Think so. For now at least." He wiped his mouth on his sleeve. "How long have you felt sick for?" I asked him, I gently moved him off my body and picked up the bowl and took it to the bathroom connected to my room to wash it out. "I dunno. Stomach felt off all day. Didn't think I was sick though." 

"Have you told your parents yet? I think the best thing for you right now is to stay home. You need rest." Seungmin shrugged, "it's fine. I-" he swallowed down a gag. He gently rubbed his stomach. "Need this?" I asked handing him the trash can. He shook his head. "I'm tired. Just wanna sleep." 

"That's totally fine." I allowed him to get comfortable in my bed. I went to lay down in a different bed, but he whispered lightly. "What's wrong bud?" 

"With me?" I was confused, "did you need something" 

"Cuddle please" he said softly. I smiled slightly, I climbed into bed next to him. He curled into my side. Thankfully he fell asleep quickly. 

*The next morning*

Seungmin p.o.v

I woke up feeling nauseous. Thankfully not as bad as I did last night, but enough that I knew I only had a matter of time before I threw up. Chan hyung was still asleep, and I felt bad waking him up last night, so I was very careful to not wake him up. I remembered that Chan was the only other one still at the dorm. All the others had already left. Chan had ultimately decided not to go to Australia, and was going to stay at the dorm. Which I was very happy about, especially because I was starting to wonder if it might be best for me to not visit my family. Especially with how sick I still felt. 

I went to the living room, I took the garbage can with me as the nausea was growing. I sat on the couch, I considered watching a movie or playing something on my phone, but the thought of doing anything made me feel dizzy and I didn't want to make the nausea worse. 

Chan p.o.v 

I woke up a bit later than usual, this didn't surprise me, especially with how much Seungmin was tossing and turning last night with his fever. I was surprised that Seungmin wasn't in the bed next to me. I got out of bed and went towards the living room area and saw Seungmin laying on the couch, his eyes closed and the trash can was next to him. I noticed the smell that showed he had thrown up at least once that morning. I couldn't quite figure out if he was asleep or not. But I did very quietly remove the trash can and I cleaned it out. When I got back Seungmin was sitting up on the couch, rubbing his eyes. "Morning" I said, he flinched at my voice. "Hey hyung" his voice was rough, I assumed it was from how many times he had thrown up. He noticed the trash can was clean. "You don't have to clean up after me hyung" 

"I'm just taking care of you. There's nothing wrong with that" I rubbed his back. He smiled somewhat shyly. "I just want you to feel better." 

"Thanks hyung. Uh, I don't think I'm going home this week" 

"That's fine bud. I was going to suggest that" 

“I just feel really awful” he admitted softly. “I know its not fun to be sick. Especially with a stomach bug” Seungmin nodded, he suddenly clamped his hand over is mouth. I moved the trash can right under his chin. he gagged and gently pushed me away, he vomited into the bin. I placed a comforting and on is back. I kept it there the whole time he was getting sick. “Chan hyung?” I looked at him. “Can we watch something?”

“of course” I helped him get comfortable before putting a movie on the tv. e seemed content, so I went to clean the trash can out. When I returned I sat next to him. “Tank you so much hyun.“

“No problem"

[undeadyetalive]

im having top surgery tomorrow!!!!!!!!

im planning on posting updates as it is happening so i got some documentation for myself

practical info:

i got my intake at 8.30 in the morning and the actual surgery at 9.30. have to be up early cause its more than an hour long drive away, im staying one night if everything goes as planned

im getting the double incision method and am keeping my nipples

im so happy its finally happening i cant wait!!! probably wont be able to sleep tonight at all but thats ok

also my body realized im excited for something so it activated servere tummy ache mode, why body

ill be tagging these under #brutustopsurgery i dont think that one is used by anyone, block it if you dont wanna see me ramble which is understandable

[whizpurr]

Been so busy... (>_<) ! -- ✩ Also had a dumb brain annoyed off week? Accidentally sent my ex $100 on my bank (it was a finger fudge and I guess my bank never did take him off "quick transfers" when they said they did over 5 years ago) (－‸ლ) and when I asked for it back (bank says they cant do anything and to contact him) he called back told me he never got it (it's out of my account and it says he did...) and now I am being ignored lol. ( ,,⩌'︿'⩌,,) I guess good closure? What else is new eh hahaa why should I expect anything else? Yeah its been like 7 years so just send it back or reply and tell me your accounts negative so I'll never get paid back but at least you're being an honest person? ┻┻ ︵㇏(òДó㇏) Idk. Wish I hadn't hit the wrong button annoyed it was there at all. (I never ever use quick transfer this was so rare so I hit the wrong thing) so then I've just been feeling dumb and deep spring cleaning and momming and wifing and walking and going to sleep soooo early ᐢ.ˬ.ᐢ...also duolingo and pocketcamp...( •3•)~✧ My 7 month old is 25 pounds and has a mouthful of teeth!!ヽ( ´O｀)ゞ and my almost 14 year old youtuber is as teen as ever.♡૮₍ ˃ ⤙ ˂ ₎ა Also dropped my phone and cracked it. Better get an external HD soon for all my photos...(≖ᴗ≖ ✿) (I do have an SD card but haven't transferred my actual devices photos in a while aggghhh not since baby boy was born) help i neeeeeeeeed good external hard drive recs?????? Anyone have any?? Please suggest???༼ つ ◕_◕ ༽つ Ty.

∧,,,∧

( ̳• · • ̳)

/ づ♡

Okay enough ramble update anyway heres images.

(If you would like to contribute to the fixing my stupid mistake and also my ex is an absolute asshole fund my PayPal is open. ♡o(╥﹏╥)o♡)

[watsername]

alright my long awaited (nobody asked) thoughts on the new maneskin album as a bitch that had way too much maneskin on her Spotify wrapped.

OWN MY MIND - 7/10

I rlly fuckin vibe w this song . the instrumentals in my opinion are some of the best in the album . ive been walking about going do u wanna do u wanna own my mind to the point where its annoying ppl.

GOSSIP- 9/10

don't ask me why this song just has a little bit of girlypop to it. anyway I dance in my bedroom to this this is what this song was made for. drunk women to dance around in their bedrooms in a tshirt and underwear. do your sexy little drunk jumping dance throwing ur hair around u will have such a good time. tom morello FUCKS btw.

TIMEZONE - 8/10

made my cry what the fck . my u key is sticky btw I might jst be missing the u from words sometimes . anyway im a sucker for a rock ballad . the Spotify notes saying it was the least thought out song by dam as an anxious love letter,,,, my heart. the raw emotion in his voice. its gonna send me over the edge

`BLA BLA BLA - 6/10

this was probably my lest favourite from the album it just didn't make me feel any kind of way. is it a bad song by any means ? no I think its fun and the storyline of the song is rlly interesting in the whole depicting the perspective of the most toxic boyfriend and playing it in a way that ridicules him but musically it just wasn't my style as much as the other tracks were

BABY SAID - 8/10

BASS LINE !!!!!!!!!!!! SLAY !!!!!! its got a good build to it and i rlly like the overall song it reminds me of something but I cant place what . this is gonna be another one I end up dancing to . it feels like an updated version of a song that would be on il ballo della vita . u know . it has il bella della vita vibes. I fuck w it

GASOLINE- 8.5/10

IVE BEEN WAITIN FOR THIS ONE !!!!!! genuinely I wanted it on the album since we got the teaser last year its such a good song with a powerful message the only thing is I wish it had a bit More going on like the heaviness of the song builds with every 'were gonna dance on gasoline' (and it did a little) so its just musical rock madness by the end if u catch my drift. its still a fucking banger tho and im so happy its on the album

FEEL - 7/10

this song reminds me of something and I DONT KNOW WHAT IT ISSSSSSSS. maybe its something 90s early 2000s but I cant figure it out. parts of the album have very britpop or like 90s rock vibes anyway the lil 'im about to make u feel' then straight into the guitars gets me pumped and I love it

DONT WANNA SLEEP - 7/10

big fan of the instrmentals and when dam shouts when he sings bt its just nit my fave from the album. I do love the dichotomy of the music and the lyrics and Thomas played w that guitar solo

KOOL KIDS- 100000/10

obsessed. very 90s britpop. the rawness the emotion behind it the fact that he was drnk when they recorded it the frustration with the sneering and snobbery of people post Eurovision the references to everything that happened over those weeks the 'eat my shit' at the end. its powerful what does it mean to be cool why is there so much pressure on people to look and act a certain way why do we have all these preconceived notions on people based on everything down to the music they listen to . I love it .

IF NOT FOR YOU - 10/10

im a scier for a rock ballad. the fact this was done in a one-take. the vocals the strings the instrumentals in general its just so gorgeous . im sobbing listening to it rn . I want this as my first dance as my wedding I really do I need to get my boyfriends approval tho. and he actually needs to propose first which won't be soon. I have time to convince him

READ YOUR DIARY - 7/10

I know that this is kinda a dark song about obsession but,, what is that melody . the chorus just goes so hard . its so good. AGAIN THOMAS BRINGING IT ALL TOGETHER WITTH THE GUITAR SOLO !!!!!!!!!

MARK CHAPMAN- 9/10

Im still learning Italian. but this song fucks so hard. genuinely all of their Italian songs are amazing I don't thinks there's one bad one. but the pace the guitars the bass the drums (all of them basically) I love some fast paced rock I love his voice I love this fucking song . Thomas u fucking genius the guitar solo SLAYED !!!!!!!!!!1

LA FINE - 10/10

im quitte literally obsessed w this song. ive made my mm listen to it. I power walk to class listening to it. it has that Teatro d'ira vibes to it very much zitti e buoni in nome del padre moments kind of lividi Sui gomiti vibes as well and girl. thats my fave album. it fucks. this song . and I love how they use their music to discuss important issues and serious topics

IL DONO DELLA VITA- 7/10

the storyline of this song is so interesting in its awareness of appreciating the things you have and what's around you and appreciating the little things and I can see this being phenomenal on stage and being recognised worldwide . I like faster paced songs but I love this song and I think the way it all builds and comes to a climax at the end is gorgeous before it slows down again for damiano and vic to all it all together. brilliant

MAMMAMIA- 10/10

girl it was number 2 in my wrapped second to zitti e buoni. makes me feel like a whore makes me want kill someone in a sexy way its fantastic. sexy ass bass line too. bass player is ALSO sexy.

SUPERMODEL

I was torn on this song when it first released bt the more one been listening to it the more I like it . love the nirvana reference. low waisted pants on onlyfans I pay for that <- best part of the song .

THE LONELIEST- 9/10

this is my mums favourites of the ones ive made her listen to . she likes the music video as well. again I cannot stress enough that domino is such a talented writer his lyrics are genuinely so poetic so beautiful and the band are so talented at building around the lyrics to portray the same form of real emotion with their instruments as domino does his voice everything just fits together and it creates masterpieces. I love this fucking song

the fact that a 6 was the lowest rating here today. I love maneskin fr I believe what theyre doing is reigniting the poplar interest in rock music and they are going to go so so so far . theyre genuinely some of the most talented people of our generation theyre insane. I really hope they expand their tor dates for future tours bc one uk show in england during my uni exam season is killing my Scottish ass . im obsessed w their music fr.

[aamethyst000]

Lazy day (may 6, 24 - 1:36am)

Today, i slept in until 3pm. i call that a good ass sleep. me and the house hold didnt do much today other than laundry. We didnt even have any dinner other than a little snack. Dont worry though, we actually have dinner planned for tomorrow so we get to start on it early and get the dishes done at the same time! Any way, i played conkers bad fur day nearly all day until around 730 ish, then i started wating shera again. i cant get over how good that show is and i absolutly LOVE IT!! i think this is my 5th rewatch and i dont even care lmao

i got pretty far on the game, farther than i did on the first play through thats for sure. what was more impressive was that I didnt die until i got to the 4th boss. which i think thats considered the shit boss, literally lmao anyway since i didnt do much today, this journal entry wont be too long. i just wanted an excuse to type again lmao and to update you on my last post, yes, i do feel better. which is probably why i slept for so long today. i feel like that is a good thing for me. im going to go have a puff by myself then head to bed early tonight. got an early morning tomorrow and im actually going to be busy. planning on going to hang out with my best friend and collect white ricks aka sugar rocks (theyre not actually sugar, they just look sparklie). Good night, readers <3

[blueempty]

Oh yeah, its 4:30am alright

Listen kid, there's two ways to live ya life. You either post on your sky blog at 10pm because youre going to bed at 12am, or you post at demon hours because you decided it was your night to experience joy. I decided it was my night to draw

I've had big Fairune brain the past few days because I've been needing to finish the collection and I finally did. I found out there's a new one coming out this year and got excited until i saw it looks more like their games they made after Fairune which does not spark joy. I rememered having seen their game Kamiko on sale forever ago and liking the title screen art and then immediately nope'ing out when I saw what the game looked like. The old artist must've left or taken a dark path at some point because the Fairune 1 and 2 art is really really good, but then for Kamiko, Transiruby, and their slow life RPG thing I cant remember the name of, they switched to this generic early kickstarter era indie pixel art thing where the sprites legs are one pixel wide and they dont have enough frames of animation for how detailed they are and its just not great. Regardless, Kamiko is on sale on switch for $1.99 right now and I had 192 gold coins, so I bought it for 7 cents. I havent played much but uh, I wish that new Fairune was like the old ones lets just say that

I'm beginning to absolutely fucking love the PC88. The games EGG Console put out are all so fucked and jank but they arent unfun to play like bad NES or Genesis games. Silpheed is legitimately good, I'm talking more about Hydlide and Relics. I mention this because what made me play Fairune was that Hydlide wasnt on the switch lol. But I also just watched a video on Xanadu and like man. Like I dont think games should be that anti-player but literally zero games are released today that have that energy. Like imagine if the Marvelous guys were still making games like Chulip and Moon. Where theyre unbelievably charming and deep but they also fucking hate you and if you dont know all the enemies despawn if you kill them 3 times the game becomes incompletable. I guess Dark Souls 2 was like that

Anyways its my partners birthday tomorrow (cuz I havent slept yet tomorrow means friday) and were going to da zoo baybee, during a massive covid surge baybee, with non refundable tickets and N95s in our hands baybeeee. The event were going to starts late tho so I'll be fine on sleep. Lately I've been being a better employee and getting into work earlier, and actually doing my job for 7 hours than leaving and going to bed by 3am at the latest. Thats why most of my posts have been baffling or short, this shit sucks man. No time for Barony hat update. But I'm not working any extra days this weekend so i'm gonna eat all the hats that game has to offer soon

Peace and Long Life

[iyabutterfly]

To Whom It May Concern

I’m writing this letter because I’m not good with verbally expressing myself. And I cry too much. About everything. I am mentally struggling. I have been, for a very long time now. Since I was a kid. I am overwhelmed and frustrated with life, because I don’t see a way out. In debt with the state 3 times. Elwood City probabtion wants $975 from me. I can’t remember how much Indianapolis probation wants. And I can’t remember how much I owe Indianapolis Community Corrections. Either way, they’re debts I wasn’t ready for. I have to pay off tickets and reinstatement fees so I can have my license back and be a legal driver. Then I need to get a car. I’m sleeping on my Aunts couch, and I only have 3 months left. So I need a home. I have my phone bill, my monthly Netflix and monthly Spotify. I need to bring my credit back up, again. It’s trash. Again. My kids live with their Dad, and so I send money whenever he needs help with bills or something. I CANT KEEP UP right now. My unforseeable future says I won’t be able to keep up then, either. Rent and bills and debt payments and car note and sr22 insurance. Work to catch up and keep up. Take care of my kids. And keep my house together, as I like. Cook, clean, do laundry. Family time. Personal time. And stay sane. Doing this all alone.

My problem right now, is that there isn’t enough time in the week to escape this toxic circle. Everything I’m trying so hard to accomplish right now, seems to be pointless. Impossible to make it through. My thoughts torment me, day in and day out. A mental battle “you got this Crystal. Just see the bigger picture” “well the bigger picture is looking real small and crumbly right now” I can barely make it through a 10hour shift at work, without anxieties and depressions kicking in and pushing me out the door. I miss a lot of work. Late because I couldn’t get to sleep the night before. Like today. Leaving work early. Like today. My attendance is whack and my paychecks are even more whack. I’m never going to be able to maintain a home of my own. So really should just stop now. Stop wasting time and effort and energy. I really just can’t think straight. 14 years of my life gone to a relationship that I initiated combat in. Then two more gone to more bad decisions. Gone. Now I pay. Financially and even more mentally. I’m stuck in this predicament that I accidentally got myself in. I didn’t ask to be here. I wish I was born into a family of health wealth and love. Or I wish I knew better, before. So I couldve done better in a more timely fashion. I’m not feeling suicidal. However, I am feeling better off in jail or under a bridge. It just seems easier and less stressful. I barely see or talk to my kids now, so it really won’t change anything. I know there won’t be anymore room for anymore disappointment.

I’m tired of talking and explaining and crying. Asking for help in all the wrong places. The people who are supposed to be able to help me, can’t or won’t. I’m tired of my throat swelling up, making it hard to breathe. I’m tired of going in these circles. It’s a round roller coaster of pain. I’m tired of getting back up just to keep falling. I’m tired of not being prioritized. All the state cares about is getting their money and telling me what to do. I’m connected with a health care provider that doesn’t even have time for me. My medical record isn’t evenly properly updated. The state doesn’t care about my mental health. Or what it really takes to progress. I can’t breathe.

[just-some-random-blogger]

good morning, love! have a good week! omg this cat so TT i love him TT 'subs? is this youtube?' no TT tumblr followers here TT 'i dont know what you mean' this is my twitter personality taking charge. like? idk? when i see smn with a user picture talking with a blogger(?) i unintentionally expect this person to make some posts too? part with viserys sounds logical. it wasnt like i completely didnt understand what happened, i had some thought but yeah, its somehow unclear. 'ive watched 3 episodes for doctor who!' but not bc of me! 'i’ll only watch 1 ep' ofc! yes! i absolutely believe you! 'BUT THAT WASNT HIS FAULT' well its HIM who asked for this magic to be done. i appreciate how you like my ideas TT iim flattered TT such an honour TT thanks my love TT i love you TT hugs for my best cutie<з 'MANS ABOUT TO SAY MY QUEEN IN HIS VOWS ON MIC WITH THE SPEAKERS ON MAX' HGHDJFHGJ I LAUGHED SO HARD. YES!! absolutely him youre soso right. ig aemma even would be his evil bestie in in screaming 'yes! slay boy!' while the real queens husband, vissy, is like 'wtf guys! TT daemon ill kill u TT' 'what am i a potato' no never TT youre my beloved catmom, sibling, classmate, the one whos got the other part of our big brain cell TT but yk what i mean. im not a popular person and id even say many people dont like me. i dont have a lot people whod miss me or will get attached to lots of people if i really lived for eternity. 'hug you so tight' aww my love for you makes me want to hug you. youre so sweet TT 'little by little you will see how evil i will be' .... ok well see and after the last part ill tell you if its more evil than the worst ending i made up in my mind after like.. reading the first... and also! itd be so interesting to see vissys I and rhaenyras and everyones reaction to what happened back then. 'aemond be like😵‍💫' ok are we making both brothers suffer? sgfngkjf. i say we (sorry if anything i dont mean it to sound? arrogant? its your fic, im not taking any credits) bc well if you like this idea... no but it must be SO painful to investigate your crushs love story and learn more and more about what you cant have it? esp with how poetic and romantic this story is? 'i hope i dont ACTUALLY WRITE 10 parts' pray for your poor soul bc with what were talking abt it takes even more than 10 parts TT 'WHY ARE YOU MESSAGING ME DURING THOSE LATE-EARLY HOURS' bc i sleep when its actual day.... 'it’s also a meme here' omg what meme? can you tell me its backstory? so cute to be the part of it. and yyyooure cuter my hottie-cutie <з okok ill answer the love letter later and... how do you feel abt some modern aegon? not from this au. im glad youre fine and everythings ok. hope your school wont be too harsh this week either! good luck my lovie! have a nice day and week and all! got some cold kisses from me to not burn in your hell of weather!! love you! take care<з

i ate two ensaymada and now my head hurts help me

ensaymada in question. my grandma gave me two and i ate both but theyre so rich and sweet and i love them but also hate them rn T_T

or maybe its the heat T_T

i went downstairs to get more water i felt the coolness and felt a little better

update im not better

im sorry i can only zoom through this rn

have a good week!

claiming this

omg this cat so TT i love him TT

<3

'subs? is this youtube?' no TT tumblr followers here TT

? im so confused

'i dont know what you mean' this is my twitter personality taking charge. like? idk? when i see smn with a user picture talking with a blogger(?) i unintentionally expect this person to make some posts too?

????? I DONT GET IT HELP its fine you dont have to explain it

part with viserys sounds logical. it wasnt like i completely didnt understand what happened, i had some thought but yeah, its somehow unclear.

<3 im glad its logical

update my head hurt even more so i put this reply off and zoomed through my homework

update update i wanted to vomit but i guess i was hungry and i feel better now that i ate???

'ive watched 3 episodes for doctor who!' but not bc of me!

ASHAHFASF >: lol what do you want me to watch, you didnt even say anything!

'i’ll only watch 1 ep' ofc! yes! i absolutely believe you!

T_T /: i feel like i wont watch it at all my head is dead but i already promised so

'BUT THAT WASNT HIS FAULT' well its HIM who asked for this magic to be done.

AS:FHASFA NO ur so right it is his fault 😞😐 men (derogatory)

i appreciate how you like my ideas TT iim flattered TT such an honour TT thanks my love TT i love you TT hugs for my best cutie<з

'MANS ABOUT TO SAY MY QUEEN IN HIS VOWS ON MIC WITH THE SPEAKERS ON MAX' HGHDJFHGJ I LAUGHED SO HARD.

as you should im hilarious

YES!! absolutely him youre soso right. ig aemma even would be his evil bestie in in screaming 'yes! slay boy!' while the real queens husband, vissy, is like 'wtf guys! TT daemon ill kill u TT'

AEMMA WOULS SO BE HIS SUPPORTIVE BESTIE and viserys would so be a wounded pup about it T_T HAHAHAH

'what am i a potato' no never TT youre my beloved catmom, sibling, classmate, the one whos got the other part of our big brain cell TT

but yk what i mean. im not a popular person and id even say many people dont like me. i dont have a lot people whod miss me or will get attached to lots of people if i really lived for eternity.

does it matter if a lot of people like you anyway? no. no it doesnt. you dont need a lot of people. also i would miss you. i like you. i would be so sad if i knew you were a lonely eternal being

'hug you so tight' aww my love for you makes me want to hug you. youre so sweet TT

'little by little you will see how evil i will be' .... ok well see and after the last part ill tell you if its more evil than the worst ending i made up in my mind after like.. reading the first...

ok then we'll see HAHAA

and also! itd be so interesting to see vissys I and rhaenyras and everyones reaction to what happened back then.

well rhaenyras a baby but i think viserys cos he super superstitious would more likely believe yn quicker compared to his bro. i think aemma would too. and daemon would be like, aw thats so sweet baby girl but theres only one daemon and thats me everyone else is inferior /:

'aemond be like😵‍💫' ok are we making both brothers suffer? sgfngkjf. i say we (sorry if anything i dont mean it to sound? arrogant? its your fic, im not taking any credits)

you can say we. we will make them suffer (:

bc well if you like this idea... no but it must be SO painful to investigate your crushs love story and learn more and more about what you cant have it? esp with how poetic and romantic this story is?

SO REAL YOURE SO REAL FOR THAT and to be honest, i think aegon would take it worse compared to aemond cos aemond would be all sciencey and scholarly about it but aegon would use his feelings and just cry about it omg the start of his alcoholism arc T_T NAUR

'i hope i dont ACTUALLY WRITE 10 parts' pray for your poor soul bc with what were talking abt it takes even more than 10 parts TT

i refuse. i will kill reader if we make it past p5 HAHAHAH

'WHY ARE YOU MESSAGING ME DURING THOSE LATE-EARLY HOURS' bc i sleep when its actual day....

L. ur so L for that BOOOO TOMATO TOMATO 🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅

'it’s also a meme here' omg what meme? can you tell me its backstory? so cute to be the part of it.

well it started with this one celebrity named maine 'manifesting' her husband with a tweet. like before she was famous she tweeted the name of her husband, oh lol i mean fiance, the dudes name is arjo and he;s also a celebrity, so maine was like 'arjo cutie' then years later when she got famous they ended up together and now its like smth you say when you wanna manifest something like... 100% grades cutie, 100000$ cutie, ya feel HAHAHH

and yyyooure cuter my hottie-cutie <з

why thank you <3 ur cuter tho

okok ill answer the love letter later and... how do you feel abt some modern aegon? not from this au.

... im interested .... 👀

im glad youre fine and everythings ok. hope your school wont be too harsh this week either! good luck my lovie! have a nice day and week and all!

YOU TOO MY LOVE TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF

got some cold kisses from me to not burn in your hell of weather!! love you!

💀🧊💀🧊💀🧊💀 thank you but its not hell cos i would assume hell has no relief and i eventually get relief so <3 I GOTTA STAY POSITIVE OR ELSE I SUFFER MORE

take care<з

i love you. my head hurts again so i think i might sleep but idk im still digesting T_T i love you bye

xxx

[bloodpen-to-paper]

I posted 153 times in 2022

That's 153 more posts than 2021!

152 posts created (99%)

1 post reblogged (1%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@prince-cakes

I tagged 151 of my posts in 2022

Only 1% of my posts had no tags

#mcyt - 11 posts

#toh - 11 posts

#the owl house - 11 posts

#mcu - 10 posts

#double life - 9 posts

#dlsmp - 9 posts

#marvel - 9 posts

#dc - 8 posts

#double life smp - 8 posts

#batman - 7 posts

Longest Tag: 118 characters

#you cant just give me the kind of music that tickles my adhd brain just right and not expect me to ascend into nirvana

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Lumity kiss, Heartstopper renewed, Dan Howell tour, still reeling over OFMD, Lady Thor and Valkyrie in Thor: Love and Thunder, Viktor Hargreeves trans rep, a gaggle of mcyts with huge platforms came out, pride month is less than 2 weeks away

WE DIDN’T START THE FIRE

848 notes - Posted May 21, 2022

#4

Its an early Thursday morning. 6:00am, on the dot. I’m waking up at this hour because I’ve accidentally become slightly nocturnal again, and had fallen asleep at about 7pm the night before. No matter, I think as I chase away the last remnants of sleep. Time to check the news.

Its there, at the top of the Twitter trending tab, that I see it: 

BREAKING: Buckingham Palace says Queen Elizabeth II is under medical supervision because doctors are "concerned for Her Majesty’s health." 

Many of the Royal Family are at her side. The people of the United Kingdom are preparing for the worst. I feel adrenaline coursing through my veins.

Tumblr, I think in a moment of hysteria. I must go to Tumblr. They must be in a state of euphoria over the news.

I head over to Tumblr.

I check the trending page, expecting “Queen Elizabeth” or “down with the monarchy” or something of the sort to be at the #1 spot on the tab.

Surely, at the very least, “crab rave”

Right?

...

I stare blankly at my screen. I am in a state of shock. Too stunned to speak, some may say.

How? I beseech. How is this trending over the Queen of England’s health scare? The one that may very well cause of the end of the British monarchy as we know it?!

But I’ve been on this Hellsite longer than I’ve been able to formulate intelligent thoughts. I know they wouldn’t trend Undertale this high for no reason. And if its a new Deltarune update, well, I certainly can’t complain. I am a fan of the franchise, after all.

So I check the Undertale tag.

“AND WITH THAT, SANS UNDERTALE HAS OFFICIALLY BEEN CROWNED ULTIMATE TUMBLR SEXYMAN”

As the Sisters Moirai would have it, I had peacefully slept through a war. A war of ultimate consequence, that would decide the fate of two illustrious*, two remarkably renown communities, nay, kingdoms, over who could win perhaps the greatest, most dangerous prize. A prize which has spilt endless miles of bloodshed in its pursuit, which has devastated entire lands, decimated people in both mind and body until they were completely and utterly unrecognizable.

The prize, the title, of who was to be... the Ultimate Tumblr Sexyman.

The contenders: Sans the Skeleton of the hit RPG “Undertale” and Reigen Arataka from the popular shonen anime “Mob Psycho 100”

As it was transcribed, the battle had met many close encounters, but in the end, Sans the Skeleton would come to win the crown and claim victory over Reigen by a total of 420 votes (i shit you not it was 420 votes exactly i cannot believe you assholes managed to get it by 420 votes yall are actual meme trash and i am both disgusted and awe inspired by your cursed efforts)

Though I was unable to experience the spectacle myself, I had bore direct witness to the fallout. The internet now had an abundance of Super Smash-like fan content of Sans and Reigen engaged in combat, and there was an apparent brief rise in S̵͖̫̿̌ạ̸̛̎̚n̶͔͈͗͂̄s̷͉̚m̴͌͋͜͝a̴̻͚̺͛͆ē̶̤̔͗d̶̛̖̰͒͊a̷͙̜͙̾͗. Toby Fox himself has gotten involved by using Twitter to publish fanfiction. That was perhaps the hardest for me to accept.

Thus, it was on September 7 of the year 2022 that the battle of Sans vs Reigen had occurred and concluded. From what I had heard, it was a legendary event that would be seared into the minds of every Tumblrina, and forever remembered throughout the tales of human history.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I took more psychic damage waking up to all of this than I did the day my father ended up in hospice after having a stroke on a school day so thanks for that and have a good one

* “well known, respected, and admired for past achievements”; yes I knew some of you would struggle with this one

851 notes - Posted September 8, 2022

#3

Me, who hasn’t watched Miraculous a day in my life, seeing Adrienette become canon after 5,420,069 years of the show teasing it:

2,989 notes - Posted December 12, 2022

#2

Come get your badge lovelies~

9,074 notes - Posted September 8, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

So to recap (July 2022 edition) we got:

- 4th of July shooting in Highland Park + a shooting in Chicago

- anyone with a uterus has less rights than an assault rifle in the U.S.; right-wing Scotus can get hit by a plane

- Edit: Native Americans have been added to the list of people with less right than an assault rifle in the U.S.

- a third of the British Parliament resigning from various government positions cause of how much everyone hates Boris Johnson

- Edit: Boris Johnson has now resigned cause of how much everyone hates Boris Johnson

- Shinzo Abe, former Prime Minister of Japan, got shot while giving a speech

- Edit: *Former Former Prime Minister... he got Lincoln’d

- a far-right French politician accidentally pinned the assassination of Shinzo Abe on popular video game designer Hideo Kojima, which a major Greek news outlet relayed, only furthering the idea that Kojima did it

- the war in Ukraine is still going on

- the state of Canada can be summarized by this image:   https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/862558639735046146/995130724791365652/unkown.png

- Hunter Biden got trending on twitter for the hundredth time and nobody gives a shit seriously who gives a shit conservatives get him trending for literally breathing why is this still happening-

- Edit: ... Users of the well known “incel” website 4chan supposedly hacked the iPhone of U.S. President Joe Biden’s son Hunter Biden and allegedly exposed the both of them as pedophiles, among many other things. Sweet shitting Christ almighty, if this is true, I have been proven incorrect in possibly the most cursed way imaginable, and it is a testament to my willpower and spite that I have not fallen in alcoholism from this news piece alone 

- Baymax is a Leftist

- the U.S. House Select Committee began holding live public hearings for the January 6 insurrection and no one noticed

- Kazuki Takahashi, the creator of the popular anime and playing card game Yu-Gi-Oh!, passed away (R.I.P., may he finally be free to kick Shinzo Abe’s ass without consequence in that great dueling arena in the sky...)

- the Argentinian economic minister has resigned (an announcement that was made not through any official news outlets, but via a Tweet) following an inflation crisis that is crippling the country, but all you’ll find on Twitter is people excited about the new futbol jersey for the next World Cup (no one is surprised by this)

- Elon Musk backed out of his deal to purchase Twitter for $44 billion; it was believed he didn’t know the meaning of the term “pulling out” so this was quite the surprise

- Edit: Twitter is now suing Elon Musk for not buying Twitter

- the President of Sri Lanka (not to be confused with the Prime Minister, because they apparently have both) pulled a Ted Cruz and has fled the country after citizens stormed the presidential palace in a mass riot following the announcing of the country being officially bankrupt (which the Prime Minister, not to be confused with the President, totally didn’t cause via corruption in office). The citizens involved in the protest then stormed the house of the PM, and took a swim in his pool promptly before sacking and burning the place, thus proving the month of July is truly a Hot Girl Summer

Edit: Both the PM and President of Sri Lanka have agreed to resign their positions; that is two world leader resignations and one former world leader assassination in one week; I now have the sudden urge to drink myself into 2040

12,179 notes - Posted July 7, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[credulouscanidae]

i think. it's because i got denied an appointment to start hrt again despite giving all the history + diagnosis. nhs isnt going to help me. i had a massive breakdown about that. i was told i need to send the docs, sent them off couple weeks before christmas, sent a follow up email as i didnt get a reply back early jan, then called up asking for an update, only to be told that they apparently sent a letter to my old gp about denying me an appt. and then got all indignant when i asked for a copy of the letter -about me-. couldnt even acknowledge my 3 emails i had sent them over the month. nah, all my medical future gets decided without my input or autonomy. such is the case with the nhs i hear. that was....the week before? idk time is getting lost on me.

then within the same week i get indirectly told that i didnt get the job i was really riding on getting, at the place i volunteer. i was hyped up about volunteers having a higher chance by the workers there. radio silence for months. get told by one of the workers at break "oh btw im sorry you didnt get the job". despite...despite asking for a follow up about my outcome, and being assured that i would get a yes or no answer, because "they follow up with everyone who has an interview whether you got the job or not".

me from a year ago wouldve been disappointed, but probably couldve picked up from that and be reassured. the me now? cant bounce back. clearly im not worth having these opportunities. im not worth having a job at the place ive been at for9 months, and instead they hire 2 completely new people to the organisation. i wasnt even runner up.

i miss my old self. i am a fat disgusting estrogen-ridden husk of my former self.

i miss working. it fucked me up in a lot of ways, but it kept me fit, busy, occupied, and productive.

i miss connection and talking to people. god, i miss it every day. and the only solution to it is to challenge myself. but it's so fucking easy to give up and resign to the fact that no one cares or id be a bother or i deserve to be alone. how the fuck are you meant to be convinced to even instigate convo when thats all that goes through your head?

while im not making any effort to end my life, im sure as hell also not doing anything to preserve it. i feel like im going to snap some point soon. i feel more and more unhinged every time i have a breakdown, like i am so rotted from the inside that i can barely hold myself together anymore. my foundations are collapsing. i had a breakdown mid last week and i still feel hungover. my body itches and jitters all over.

cant even do my dog grooming properly. im not confident nor experienced enough, but im too scared to take abreak from it because i know that's just the mental illness talking and i should just suck it up and pull through. i could if i tried.

but the problem is i cant find a reason to try.

i feel like a sim. like a simulation just going through the ropes, making the body movements that constitute a behaviour. but im not actually doing them. i barely comprehended that i made dinner last night, it kinda...spawned. bangers and mash it was. first cooked meal in a long time. beats whatever frozen thing i shove into the oven.

i get up, have breakfast, pass the time and just eat whenever i feel hungry, and before i know it, it's time to sleep. every day blurs into one.

i know this all sounds melodramatic but it's how i feel. i hate myself for only being able to express my misery through dumb tumblr posts hidden under readmores. thats not the way to get help. i want help, and i know i need it. but that requires me to believe that i am worth saving.

but i am not worth saving.

if this is what life has to be then i dont know.

i just. wish i could feel like things will be okay one day. that there is an end to this.

im going to bed.

it's been a. weird past 7 days or so.

[simplesoupsandappletarts]

"This is the most ridiculous use of my time"

Click here for Chapter 2 of "To Catch That Star", my little mermaid shadowgast au.

“This is the most ridiculous use of my time.”

“Live a little, Essek; when was the last time you let your hair down?”

Essek raised an eyebrow at Verin. “My hair is too short to be let down.”

Verin rolled his eyes, adjusting his own hair in the mirror in a fruitless attempt to make the long locks sit still. “See, that is why you should come. Learn some new expressions, meet some new people.”

“I don’t need to meet new people.” Essek waved a hand, and fixed Verin’s hair for him, causing it to lie perfectly over his shoulder. “I know enough people in my life.”

“You need friends.”

“I have friends.”

“Name them.”

Essek narrowed his eyes.

[safetycar-restart]

Hiiiii lemon here, gonna drop a somnophilia ask in beforehand (and hope it doesnt get lost in the fanmail lmao) if thats alright bc im gonna be travelling around that time and will likely be in no shape to send it in then (its v exciting but its so stressful i swear im going crazy i wont be surprised if i turn into a motherfucking banana before this is over. A banana anon. Abanananan. If this doesnt characterise the chaos my life is rn i dont even know) (oh crap the banana is taken already. Am i a hybrid? Lemonana? Balemon? Banamon? It looks like a banana and then you take a bite and surprise surprise its evil?? I dont know i should get to the ask prbly)

So idk if this is weird actually but i was thinking seb getting to play with you while youre asleep instead of the other way around? 

I mean, he is an early riser and sometimes he would wake up unbearably horny. It starts out as him cuddling up to you, kissing your neck maybe, nuzzling into your shoulder insistently, and he always shakes you awake when he cant wait any longer because he would never do anything without your explicit permission. 

And some morning he shakes you awake, and you swing an arm lazily around his neck and tell him he can go on, so now he is grinding against your hip, and it’s so nice—it’s a steady pace that’s almost lulling, and you’re warm and happy and have your favourite boy here with you who is so cute when he is needy, and it’s not like you were fully alert in the first place, so you start to drift back to sleep. 

He stops and shakes you awake again.

The problem is, you really don’t want to wake up yet.

“What’s the matter, love, do you need something?” you mumble, and he hides his face into your shoulder guiltily, realising he isn’t letting you sleep when you probably want to. But what if you want him to stop or something and you can’t because you’re asleep? You hum and settle more comfortably against the pillows. “Wake me up if you want to come, but not earlier than in half an hour.”

It turns out to be pretty fun—most of the fun being how into it he unexpectedly is. Because you trust him with this? You trust him to be a good boy and do everything right while you’re not watching him, but also trust him with your body so completely? 

He is not allowed to come until you wake up and give him explicit permission, but other things may vary: sometimes you will tell him beforehand that everything is fair game but he cant wake you up before your alarm goes off (otherwise he doesnt get to come for the rest of the day), or that he isn’t allowed to touch you, only help himself. 

Initially the main rule sounds something like “no orgasms while i’m asleep” and he is puzzled by it. Turns out, the question is, should he wake you up if you’re about to come? You don’t think there is much use in this rule, surely you’d wake up if you were that close, but you keep it anyway—and turns out the little shit can be extremely sneaky when he wants to, and not a little bit smug about it, too. So sometimes you wave the rule on yourself. As a treat.

With love, 

Lemon 💜🍋

p s hope everyone is having a fun kinktober the 15th, will look at what yall were up to as soon as i can! 💕✨🥰

Okay so lemon sent this ask a while ago and I have been counting down the days until somno day because this ask is fucking AMAZING. Lemon you are an absolute genius this is incredible.

Also lemon, we need a travel update. I assume you've gone insane, but we need to know the level of insanity. Update us!! We require a debrief.

Okay anyway, back to seb somno!

Before you came along, seb never really woke up horny after he was like 15. But then he gets into a relationship with you and suddenly he's waking up horny all the time? Like his body is aware that he's next to you and knows you'll make him feel good.

And of course, you love waking up to a horny seb, and love being woken up by a horny seb even more. Because the times when Seb wakes you up himself are just the best. He's so painfully hard, whining into your ear and finally shaking you awake because he cant take it anymore.

Being able to grind against you feels so nice. Not just because it's getting some much-needed friction, but also because he feels so warm and safe? He can can cuddle into your side, head resting against your shoulder as he grinds against you.

But then you fall back asleep and seb panics?

I also think it would take seb a minute or two to realise that you've fallen asleep? Because he's just so wrapped up in how good it feels to drag his hips against you in the warmth and comfort of the bed.

And then he looks up at you to get a kiss and realises that you've fallen asleep? Seb panics so much.

Because he doesnt know when you fell asleep. What if he's been grinding against you and you fell asleep basically the moment you said he could?

He feels so bad. He has no idea what to do, but he's also still so hard and not moving his hips against you feels like absolute torture because now he knows how good it feels.

So he shakes you awake, because he figures if he's going to get in trouble, then he should own up to it. That's one of his rules: he must always tell you if he's been bad and if he's honest with you, he'll get a lighter punishment (you have never needed to punish him, but he insists that you have rules for that).

So he shakes you awake, and you're very confused.

"Close to cumming?" you ask him, still half asleep. You assume he's woken you because he needs permission to cum.

"No..." he mumbles, "you fell asleep, and I.. I didn't know so I kept on going."

Now you're even more confused.

"Yes?" you say, "I told you that you could? Seb, why would you think you'd get in trouble for doing something I gave you permission for?"

"Cause you were sleeping," he explains, "you weren't... you didn't know?"

You roll over to face him, cupping his jaw, "You're my good boy. I know that you'll always follow my rules, even when I'm asleep, and I know that you'd never hurt me. So you can grind against me when you wake all hard and achy, yeah? You're a good boy, and good boys get to do that."

Seb cries at your words, shuffling closer and hugging you tight because he cant he gets to have this, cant believe you trust him with something as precious as your body.

From there, he gets more used to it. He understands he's always allowed to grind against you, that he can get pleasure like that for as long as he wants until your alarm goes off. And he knows that when you wake up, you'll always let him cum.

It's actually him that asks about him touching you while you're still sleeping. Cause he wants to make you feel good?

You're open to the idea, and you know he'd never hurt you.

Seb loves it so much! Even more than grinding against you, just settling between your legs and licking you for a little while is the perfect way to start the morning.

[angabby-zzz]

ok back on this point since i think i can make an okay thread on this now....

so ive mentioned the update about angel moving schools very early into elementary. tbh i dont have any idea for where specifically he went but it wasnt a very major move ig? (like this is all in the same state and like. city 👍)

and that isnt like very important on its own ig. like he was a pretty normal kid those first 2 yrs. like hes always been quiet and kinda shy but like. hes literally just 5 years old its ok. probably did have 1 friend or person he hung around with but the bond wasnt so strong since everyone kinda just knew each other or yk

but then jonah came along. and idrk what happened but basically they moved and ines n jonah were part of his family even more than before. or something. anyway yk. new school. hes like still shy and even more so cuz hes going to a new school. but its not bad. he would have a friend in 1st grade eventually but they split up. same thing happened in 2nd grade. either cuz of switching schools or being held back. but idk it was cool he didnt totally fit in but also he was still included enough and had someone to play with

but then 3rd grade is where it got like. Bad. he had no friends. something weird was going on with his ability to stay awake and focused. which didnt help at all when he started to struggle with what they were learning in class. so idk like it was just Not his year. like yk it wasnt Super Mega Ultra bad like suddenly he cant stay up for more than a few minutes or anything but you could definitely tell smth was up. at first it was like kinda chalked up to be some kind of early bloomer thing. like some kind of shift with how much sleep he needs or smth. which like was alr. but the focus and struggling was different. he would ask his mom for help at home obvie but when she would recommend asking his teacher for help as well instead of waiting he would just nod along but like. not do that anyway whether it be cuz he was too anxious to or he just like. forgot that was an option in the moment ig. not rlly helping that he also feels like. bad about how hes doing yet cant figure out whats wrong with him [this is when his interest in drawing kinda kicks off cuz he doesnt rlly care for reading but he does want to make some kind of thing to be there for him when he needs cheering up or distraction]

anyway yeah that happens and nothings rlly improving and his teacher eventually is like yeah no hes just not showing a very good grasp on anything etc etc id recommend he repeat the grade. which is like very shocking to irene cuz she didnt think it was That bad. but anyway she takes this in2 consideration. and like she has this conversation with angel about what hes been goin thru n how he shouldve said more about it and whatever. so he finds out abt how he'll be redoing 3rd grade and hes like so sad. and like idk that happens. then irenes like also were gonna do a sleep study 2 c if like that can tell us anything

which it like. totally does and turns out hes hashtag narcoleptic. n yeah idk. except irenes too like idk. afraid to get him on any kinda meds since hes so young so they just like work on managing his sleep schedule n stuff n like figuring out ways to keep him not so distracted n everything esp for when school rolls around again

[i should also mention those symptoms from his adhd are like kinda just thought to be from his narcolepsy? like oh you cant focus in class. its cuz youre tired i bet. your hand eye coordination isnt that good. its probably cuz your brain is too tired to work properly like that. idk. like it kinda works out since hea got the less active side of adhd]

so then yeahh it does and angels like. stressed out cuz hes gotta get used to new people and like doing everything over again. but also hes gotta lock in. which is kinda hard when you think about that first bit again. but anyway yeah

the first few days are like whatever. cuz you dont rlly do any type of work anyway since its. the first few days. but idk he still doesnt talk to people that much cuz he isnt sure how to insert himself into conversations or friend groups. or when he Does try to say hi it never goes that far and he ends up sidelined by people. so he just kinda stays alone still. which is like. fine ig. like great. but like eventually he does get tired of it and hes like so sad. like it finally sets in ig. hes like alone somewhere at recess and he kinda just has a tiny crying session (which gabby happens to see but also shes busy playing with her friends and like doesnt wanna make anything awkward or make a scene so she just like leaves him be. however this bit onwards she totally does have him like under her eye. like its not rlly tht hard when you have the same class together but yk. maybe she makes a note of trying to get on his team during activities. or asking more questions about work in class when she notices him looking kinda down. idk)

so idk. maybe 2 or 3 weeks go by since the first day. and idk maybe gabby and her friends have some kind of breaking up over something? not rlly sure what but it totally does have gabby rethinking her friend choices since this seems to always happen with her. but then she like remembers like hey yk what. that quiet boy has no friends. and now i have no friends. its like worth a shot ig. like maybe itd work out better having a small group instead.

so yeah she just goes up to him and is like Um hey. whatr u drawing 🙂 and he gets all like shy about it like oh.....um ..... nothing...... idk...... and shes like oh cool. ok. can i sit here. and hes like sure.

so they both just like sit awkwardly in silence for a bit until gabbys like sooo whats ur name. and angel tells her his name. and shes like cool im gabriela. and hes like cool. and idk ig they start to talk abt stuff like Sooo umm r u new i like havent seen you around b4 (like as in b4 that year) and angels like ☹️ oh no i just like. had to redo the grade idk. im not new. been here since 1st. and gabbys like oh cool 👍 ive always gone here.

n idk what else they talk abt its like very icebreaker type stuff. but then they have to go back to class and gabbys like wanna walk w me :) and angels like sure yeah :)) n yk

pre-posting edit of sorts im like sure theres more i couldve written or whatever but im not working on this thing anymore bruh. hope i didnt make any mistakes cuz im not rereading this 😭😭😭

i think maybe gabbys problem in elementary was less of a "people didnt like her" thing and more just... she wasnt one of the most social or "popular" kids and was a pretty awkward girl even if she was kinda cheerful and nice to people. like she was just. there ig. if it werent for angel she prob wouldve just alternated best friends every year or something cuz she Could fit in with the cool people just not for that long

[violettelueur]

— GOJO SATORU || JEALOUS TYPE

↳ featuring : gojo satoru from jujutsu kaisen

↳ warnings : mention of sleeping pills and grammar issues

↳ form : imagine

↳ published : 05 february

↳ pronouns : non specified in imagine

↳ word count : 1.3k

↳ synopsis : waking up without your husband in bed with you, you decided to go search for him only to find him filling out paperwork that was long overdue.

↳ request : Hi!! Can i request a gojo x reader where gojo is doing some paperwork and the reader cant fell asleep without him so gojo made her sit on his lap while doing some paperwork and the reader falls asleep? When gojo is finished in his paperwork he went to sleep with the reader in their bedroom. Can you please make it fluffy? Thank you! I also love all of your works!

↳ barista’s notes : so...awkward times when some of your coffee orders (requests) disappear from your inbox hahahaha.....ʕ ᵒ ᴥ ᵒʔ but after i have written some of my ideas, i will update the ‘coffees in progress page’ (wip) for you guys to see if your requested got/didn’t get deleted! i hope you enjoy your cup of classic black coffee (jujutsu kaisen request!) and please don’t be shy to order again soon ʕ •ᴥ•ʔゝ☆

“When are you going to finish?”

Turning around from his seat, Gojo’s bright crystal eyes instantly caught the adorable sight of you standing by the doorway, wearing one of his large black jumpers paired with the classic black three-stripe Adidas shorts, as you covered your eyes trying to adjusting to the new lighting of the single lamp that was on.

“I’m doing some paperwork honey~” Gojo cheekily commented while twirling the pencil he was holding in his hand causing you to look at your husband in complete annoyance since you were the one that kept constantly reminding him that he needed to get his work done or he was going to sleep really late with the chances of him being at a slight disadvantage when coming into contact with curses - but, of course, he didn’t listen and using the excuse of ‘don’t worry, I’m the strongest’.

“I told you to do it earlier, why didn’t you listen to me?” you asked in an irritated tone, as you then processed to walk up to the ‘hard-working’ man causing Gojo to smile as he managed to get a closer look at you without him asking.

From closer inspection, Gojo could tell you were still extremely tired due to how heavy your eyes looked since it seemed like you were struggling to keep them open, your hair was tangled and messy but that was one of Gojo’s favourite things to see but he would rather see it in the morning rather than sleep-deprived as you were at this moment in time. 

Ever since you and Gojo established your romantic relationship during the second-year, he slowly began to realise that you would sleep as early as possible even when the shorthand of the clock just hit the number 7 in the evening. At first, he didn’t really care too much about it at first, he just thought you weren’t a night owl at all. However, he remembered one day you came into class with such dark circles, he couldn’t help but worry.

“Ahhh~ I have trouble sleeping in general, sleeping pills don’t work at all as well, so that’s why I sleep early.”

After that little discussion, Gojo made it his role to make sure you got enough sleep for the next day even if he had to stay in your room all night to make sure and it was still that same ever since you both got married. However, there were times when he had to overwork due to the number of missions that higher-ups passed on to him causing him to worry from time to time, but it seemed like you were slowly improving to which he was so proud of you for.

“Can’t sleep without me?” Gojo teased, leading to a frown to grow on your face which caused you to turn around as you weren’t in the mood to deal with his nuisance at 2 am in the morning. However, before you could even take a single step back to your shared bedroom, you suddenly felt a large hand wrap its fingers around your wrist leading to a halt in your moment. Gently, you were pulled back leading to you to lose your footing due to your drowsiness before an arm wrapped itself on your back preventing you from falling onto the wooden floor.

Blinking in surprise, you steadily came to the realisation that you now were on your husband’s lap as his other arm had dropped the pen he was holding to reach over to the couch where a spare blanket was placed, which was suddenly covering you from the cool air that was surrounding the room. “Go to sleep, I’ll take you back to bed when I’m done,” the white-haired sorcerer commented with a soft tone, causing you to look up at him before giving into the chance as your slyly wrapped your arms around his neck before pressing your face into his shoulder to get away from the bright light that your eyes weren’t still adjusted to.

Tenderly, one of Gojo’s hands began to run up and down your back trying to soothe you to sleep while his other hand went back to the pen that was abandoned to continue filling out the forms he was meant to do a week ago. Smiling, he leaned his head lightly against yours trying to relish the feeling of you needing him since he knew that the moment you both leave the four walls that were surrounding you, you wouldn’t show this vulnerable side to him. You refused to.

Comparing you to your personal life to your professional life, you clearly had two different personalities. When you were at school, you were cool, calm and collective, sometimes a little too blunt but there was a perfect mix of teasing that came along with it - clearly influenced by the one and only, himself. He vividly remembered the time when you joked about Fushiguro being the type to kick a stray cat after saying ‘such a nuisance’ or the time you joked that Itadori was the type to push a door that says ‘pull’ leading Kugisaki to laugh hysterically while both of the mentioned boys began to argue, yet the second you pat their hands and say ‘I’m only joking’, they both would suddenly calm down.

On the other hand, when you were at home with him or alone, you were more relaxed from your professional behaviour and sweet, leading him to wonder what switch did you flicker to change your brain. But he never questioned it. To be honest, he rather not since he knew the moment he would mention it, you would revert back to your work personality and not the kind and sweet one that was reserved for him.

“I would tell you to be more like that at work, but I’m too much of the jealous type,” Gojo whispered even though he knew that you were already asleep due to your light breathing pattern and how the tight hold you had around his neck slightly loosened. 

Signing off the last sheet that was on the towering pile, Gojo let out a sigh of relief before turning his head to get a quick sight of you, only to find that you were still in an unconscious state leading to the special grade sorcerer to look at the time on his phone to find that an hour had passed. 3:05 am.

Carefully reaching over to the lamp, Gojo flicked the switch causing the lighting to gradually disappear before slowly pushing out his chair as he looped an arm under your knees as he picked you up bridal style. Quickly making his way to your shared bedroom, Gojo began to gently place you down onto your side of the bed before slowly beginning to unhook the arms that were still around his neck. However, before he could even move to his side, he felt your hand instinctively grab his hand causing the playful man to look at you with a smile on his face as he looked down at your sleeping figure.

“Hey, I’m not going anywhere,” Gojo whispered as he lightly stroked your cheek resulting in the grip of your hand to loosen as if you were awake to understand him. Climbing into his side of the bed, Gojo carefully pulled you into his arms causing you to snuggle further into the warmth that he was generously providing you before subconsciously wrapping an arm around his body wanting to keep him as close to you as possible.

“Yeah, I’m too much of the jealous type to let you show this side of you” Gojo mumbled as he slowly closed his eyes, following your route to a slumber that he had been desperate for since the moment he had you in his arms.

© violettelueur 2021 : written and published by violettelueur - do not steal or repost