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rorywritesjunk · 7 months ago

Text

There's no race, no ending in sight

r rating. title comes from "two of us on the run" by lucius

(cant stop won't stop. Buggy gets a lil physical. Sunny is getting fed up with the clown.)

Taglist @hey-august

pt 1 + pt 2 + p3 + p4 + pt 5 + p6 + pt 7 +Pt 8 + Pt 9 + Pt 10 + Pt 11 + Pt 12 + Pt 13 + Pt 14 + Pt 15 + pt 16 + Pt 17 (End)

Pt 5

Having the other two over for dinner was not what Sunny had anticipated given how her husband felt about the clown. Mihawk made sense. The two were business partners. That's what started all of this, but Buggy? A thorn in Crocodile and Mihawk 's side. He had no reason to join them.

Crocodile requested she dress for the occasion though she wasn't sure why, but she did as she was asked. She bathed, brushed her hair, and pulled on a long sleeve dark green dress, one of her husband's favorites. She wore gold jewelry he had purchased for her over the years, things she didn't quite want to part with even after their brief separation.

A chain, rings similar to his on her fingers, and dangling earrings that would have been hidden by her hair had she decided not to put it up in the end.

When she joined them, the other men were already there. Mihawk was in his usual outfit, white shirt, form fitting pants, and his jacket. Buggy actually dressed nicely for this. Black pants, red shirt and a black vest made the look. Sunny frowned when she saw him and before greeting anyone, she marched over to him wordlessly. He took a step back, wondering what she was about to do.

She was fixing the buttons on his vest. Buggy had been so nervous he missed a button, causing his vest to look lopsided.

"I'm surprised you left your tent like this." She scolded him as she smoothed the vest out before making sure the collar of his shirt laid flat over it. "There. We can't have people looking unkept at our dinner table, Buggy."

He kept his hands away, making sure both Mihawk and Crocodile could see this. The swordsman had warned him to behave on their way over. How could he when she would just touch him without warning? She should behave!

She looked him over, giving him a nod of approval before leading them to the dinner table. She was disappointed her husband insisted she join them for dinner and not cook tonight.

Dinner was served promptly. Sunny sat beside Crocodile while Buggy sat across from her. He didn't know what he should be doing but he kept an eye on everyone else, matching their movements. They could kill him if he used the wrong fork. He would have enjoyed the food had he not been on edge the entire time.

It seemed to be going fine for a bit until Sunny mentioned wanting Buggy to teach her a few more things, startling the clown when he heard his name. His hand jerked, spilling food on his vest. He hoped it wouldn't stain.

"Oh, no, Buggy, let me handle that." Sunny offered as she stood up. "I can get stains out."

"I'm fine, keep eating!" Buggy insisted as he started to get up. "I can get it out!"

"Let her help." Crocodile told him as Mihawk watched Buggy. "She knows how to handle that kind of thing."

"Come with me." She left no room for argument, gesturing for him to follow as she headed for the kitchen. Buggy followed, glancing back at the others nervously as they stepped into the kitchen. He saw Sunny at the sink, getting a dish towel damp. "Take it off."

"P-Pardon?!" Buggy asked, jaw dropping in surprise. She looked back at him in amusement.

"Your vest." She told him. "Unless you need my help with that."

Buggy looked around, hoping someone else was around for a witness, but the two of them were alone. He did as he was told, removing the best and holding it out to her. She took it and laid it out on the counter, gently wiping at the small stain.

"It should be okay." She told him. "It doesn't look like it's going to stain."

"Th-Thanks." He managed to say as Sunny finished with the best, holding it up. "You really didn't have to. I don't want to take you away from your husband."

"That wouldn't be the worst thing." She chuckled as she handed it back to him. He gave her a look and her eyes widened slightly. "I mean, he and Mihawk are discussing business and it's a little boring for me. I imagine it might be boring for you as well."

Buggy shrugged as he pulled the vest back on. She started to button it back up, making sure none were missed. He hated how close she was, that he could smell the soap she used. He wondered how warm her hands felt, how soft her skin was, only to stop because if he wasn't careful her hands would be around his throat, choking him.

"Are you happy?" He suddenly asked. Sunny stopped and looked up at him. "Here? With him?"

Sunny was speechless. He actually asked her that. She wasn't sure how to answer that, nor did she want to. She pulled back from him, staring up at the clown as he waited for an answer.

Was she? No, not really. She never was from the moment they met and Crocodile decided he wanted her. It took several threats to her family and friends' safety for her to agree to it. If anyone asked, she would smile and insist yes, she was.

In Alabasta she was seen as the lovely wife of their hero, sweet and doting. She made appearances with him from time to time, silent and on his arm.

"Why would you ask such a question?" She asked him with a frown. "You don't just ask someone that, Buggy."

"It's a serious question!"

"That doesn't matter, you don't ask someone if they're happy in their marriage when you don't know them!" Sunny shot back as she took a step towards him, jabbing him in the chest with her finger.

"I can ask any question I want!" Buggy snapped, grabbing her by the wrist. "I don't have to listen to you all the time!"

She tried to pull her wrist out of his grasp but he held on. Her other hand came up, aimed to slap him, but he caught her hand, turning it to press a kiss to the back of it. He was in dangerous waters doing this, he knew that, but he needed to see how far he could step before it was too much.

Her face burned, she wanted to say something, but Buggy was dropping her hands and stepping back. He just let out a laugh as she clenched her fists, glaring at him.

"Just had to see something." He teased. "Sorry, I think I had too much to drink, Miss Sunny."

"You ass-"

"I won't remember any of this, y'know, so don't worry." He grinned. "I won't tell your husband anything."

"There is nothing to tell!" She hissed at him. "Now mind your manners and do not say a word to me once we go back in there."

"Nothing to talk about." Buggy mimicked zipping his lips. "I'm drunk. Just a drunk clown that no one will listen to."

"Exactly." Sunny agreed, face pink as she resisted striking him. He winked at her and started for the door. Sunny glared at the back of his head before she made sure her hair was perfect before following after him.

#mini fic #sunny x buggy #sunny x crocodile #buggy the clown #sir crocodile #buggy the clown x oc #buggy x oc #sir crocodile x oc #crocodile x oc

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honeypirate · 4 years ago

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Fate of the Clouds

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Gajeel x Fem Reader

unedited

“Hi” you say softly, sitting beside him against the side of the guild house. “Leave me alone” he turned away from you, his voice gruff. He smelled like fireworks and his hair was singed in a few places. You reach out and pinch the end of a lock that was smoldering “all that gorgeous hair, would hate for it to burn” you twist on your butt, laying your back against the sun warmed grass and placing your feet up against the building, you place your hands behind your head as you looked up at the clouds.

“Why?” his voice was laced with annoyance that you were 50% sure was fake. You look over at his face “why what?” you smile softly at him and you watch his guard fall just a little bit “why won’t you leave me alone?” you sit up again, crossing your legs and resting your hands on your thighs as you study him for a moment “Gajeel, if you really want me to leave and I’m making you uncomfortable, I will. But honestly, I’d like to get to know you. So if it’s alright with you, i’d like to lay here by you and talk, unless you don't want to, then we can just sit together.”

You watch his emotions in his eyes, he couldn’t understand you. You were sweet and cute and he heard all about how strong a wizard you were. You watched him tear apart the guild hall but you were here by him. Telling him you wat to get to know him? He couldnt decide if you were joking or not. When he doesnt say anything for a few minutes you lay back again, smiling as you look up at the sky.

After ten minutes go by and your eyes flick down to him, he’s looking at his hands in his lap “Do you mind if I talk to you? You don’t have to respond '' your voice was quiet, like it was carried to his ears on the breeze, his gaze froze on a scar he has on his knuckle “I dont mind” his voice was quieter than you had heard before. His usual anger was gone, just like you suspected it was just a cover for his real feelings. You sigh softly and look back up to the clouds “there is a cloud up there that looks like a horse” he looks up then, his eyes searching, you chuckle and pat the ground next to you softly. He looks down at you, considering, trying to figure you out, to see if you could be hatching a plan.

He sighs and moves over so he was laying beside you, tensing and watching your face when you scoot closer to him, moving your head down next to his so you could find the cloud again “there” you point up and it takes him a moment to tear his gaze from your soft smile to follow your finger to the right cloud. You move back into your place and smile as you watch the cloud float away and become a blob again.

“When i was younger..,” you look at him “now you have to promise me you wont tell anyone this, okay? Pinky promise me and since we’re friends you cant break it” you hold up your hand, pinky out and wait for him. His head turns, looking at your eyes and then down to your hand. His fingers drum against his stomach before he hooks his pinky around yours. You smile and pull your hand still connected to his and kiss the back of your thumb, pushing his hand towards his lips next “kiss or it doesnt work” his cheeks flush and he huffs in annoyance but kisses the back of his thumb anyway “thank you Gajeel” you whisper before your hands rest against your stomach again.

“When I was younger, I had a job on a farm. I would use my water magic to help the crops among other things. I once rode a horse to check for the cows and was feeling really proud of my horse riding skill, I rode down the wrong path, got scraped off the back of my horse and thrown down the mountain. Had a nasty cut on my neck and i wasn't trusted riding alone again. I know this story is stupid, juvenile, but the point is this; trust is something that is really hard to earn, but worth every second. Sure i have other stories i could have told you, other magical ones where i fucked up missions. But all of them have the same point. Proving that you can grow as an individual, proving that people are worthy of a second chance, it’s nice that we even have that opportunity.” you point out another cloud “ooh look at that one! It looks like a starfish!” you chuckle and notice the smile on his lips

“Forgiveness has always come easy to me. I truly would like to be your friend and get to know you. No jokes, no dirty tricks. I’m here if you’ll have me Gajeel” he sighs gently, his hands holding his shirt in his fists, his knuckles turning white, after a few minutes his hands release his shirt and he relaxes into the grass.

He doesn't get any bad vibes from you, if he had to put a picture to how you feel to him, he would picture a field of daisies on a summer day. “That one” he reaches up and points “that one looks like a dragon with a rider on it’s back” you chuckle and follow his finger to the cloud you could see the dragon but figured the rider smudged away “it does! That’s so cute” his cheeks flush and a true smile sits upon his lips.

After another ten minutes storm clouds roll in as well as cold winds, you shiver and sit up again, turning towards him as he sat up next to you, you reach out slowly and when he doesn't move or say anything you gently run your fingers through his thick hair, pulling out the pieces of grass that stuck to him. “Thank you for letting me sit with you” you smile sweetly up at him, even sitting by him he was much taller and bigger than you. “Thank you, for wanting to” he avoids your gaze, his cheeks dusting pink yet again.

Every day you would eat meals with him and talk, slowly you would convince others to give him a chance. Inviting others to sit with you both, he slowly opened up more to you and you would cloud gaze and chat about your missions and other things you have witnessed or experienced. but even then, you had to take missions that kept you apart occasionally.

Excitement was flooding your system, you were a few blocks away from home and you haven't been back for a few months, your last mission was difficult and you spent some time in the hospital. You were so excited to see Gajeel you almost couldn't handle it, forcing yourself to take normal steps and not to run.

You open the door and look around at everyone, looking for your specific person. Gajeel was in the back of the room, deep in conversation with Levy. Your smile disappears and you feel your heart skip before it crumbles into your stomach. You were happy for him, proud of his growth in the guild. You blink back your tears and then clear your throat softly, working your way through the crowd to the stairs to the dorm.

You were supposed to be back today, where were you?! He was checking the door every few minutes, his heart racing and his foot tapping against the stone floor. He had gotten back from his mission a few days prior and was waiting for you, you sent him a letter saying when you expected to be back and he kept that letter in his inside jacket pocket. “Hey Gajeeeeel” Levy says as she comes over to his table and he groans internally, he just wanted to talk to you,.

After humoring her for a few minutes he hears the door close behind him, he turns his head and looks for you but doesn't find you, his eyes lock with Mirajane and she points across the crowded room. When Gajeel followed her finger he sees the end of your hair and bag disappear up the stairs “excuse me” he says, cutting her off and standing quickly, running after you.

The moment your door closes it’s being opened again, you gasp and your bag falls to the ground “why didn’t you come to me?” he asks, his eyes filled with hurt. You smile up at him and reach behind him, closing the door gently. “You looked busy” you laugh nervously and he furrows his brow “no, dont, don't do this, okay? I was counting down the seconds until you returned, I always count the seconds until you return. So please, come see me immediately next time. Okay?” your breath hitches as you look at him, his words sinking into your heart. His eyes were wild and his hands were stretched out towards you, he wanted to hug you but you haven't broken the physical touch barrier.. until now.

You throw your arms around his neck and he tenses, his breath hitching “I missed you so much Gajeel” you whisper and his body relaxes against you, his arms holding you to him tight as he buries his face into your hair. “I missed you too” you pull back and smile up at the dark haired man “wanna get some food and cloud watch and catch up?” you ask and he nods “i’d love to” he says, his gruff voice extremely softer than usual.

Sitting at a table downstairs you eat your fill, after being gone for so long and not eating enough, it was like you were in heaven. “wow i cant believe you took 5 different missions in two weeks” you say as you finish eating. He laughs “i just took smaller papers so i could back here when you would '' you smile warmly, but he was too busy eating to notice the sweet look you’re giving him.

You end up on your spot on the grass outside of the build, watching the clouds and talking. You show him your healing wounds that will most likely scar and tell him about your time in the hospital. He looks worried about you but tries to laugh it off “you were scars like badges” you giggle “well duh. I work hard for them” his finger tips brush one of your healed scars and he sighs “i wish you didnt have to get hurt though” he whispers and your heartbeat skips. His eyes meet yours and you smile softly, his eyes looking down to your lips and you almost lean forward to kiss him but before you can he’s turning his attention back to the sky.

I am such a coward he thinks. How am i supposed to fix this? How do i get back to that moment. His eyes are on your face, watching the clouds reflected on your shiny eyes, the tufts of moisture that you gaze at like you’re reading his fate, and he gets an idea. “look at that one” he points and you don’t really know which one he’s talking about “which one? What does it look like?” He laughs “come see it from my perspective” he all but whispers and you roll on your side, bringing your face close to his to trace his eyesight to the right cloud. But his eyes were on you, on your smiling face and bright eyes, you were gorgeous.

“That one. Right there. It’s a cloud that looks like a cat” you reach out and place your hand on his bicep, your small hand traveling softly down his arm until your hand rests against his bracelet “I can’t find it” you whisper and pout, how could you be so adorable? “It’s right there I don’t know how you can’t see it” he chuckles and you turn your head around, trying different angles before you turn and look back at him “I can’t find it-“ your breath hitches when you notice his gaze is on you, a small smile on his lips and his eyes gentle. His hand moved to cup your cheek “you’re beautiful” his gruff voice was a low whisper, the wind blowing your hair behind you and rustling his into his face. Your hand moves without thinking, brushing his hair out of his eyes and cupping his cheek for a moment.

“Did these hurt?” your fingers gently brush the studs along his eyebrow “they were magic” you hum, probably hurt as much as the guild tattoo. “These too?” your first finger gently slides down the side of his nose and he nods, his eyes never leaving yours, “what about .. these?” your thumb runs along his bottom lip before pulling it down gently, letting it smack against his teeth as you brush his chin studs. His eyes flick down to your lips and you lean in almost all the way before your eyes flick up to his “Gajeel.. Did you really miss me?” you whisper and a strangled groan escapes his throat “every day” his lips touch yours and you feel sparks burst across your skin, your hand moving to tangle in his hair as he pulls you closer to him.

You pull back and sigh, your eyes closed for a few moments before they flutter open and meet his. He has a soft blush on his cheeks and a smile “should we form a group?” you ask and he laughs, bringing a smile to your lips “probably” he says as he brushes his fingertips across your cheek “but.. More than that right?” he asks with furrowed brows and you chuckle, pressing your lips softly to the tip of his nose before turning and looking up at the clouds again, like you could read your fate in the tufts of moisture.

“I love you Gajeel” you whisper and his breath hitches “you do?” he asks, reaching out and turning your gaze back to his. You smile and nod “yes” he smiles softly, a soft sigh of peace as he presses his forehead to yours “I love you y/n”

#fairy tail #fairy tail gajeel #gajeel #ft gajeel #gajeel x you #gajeel x reader #gajeel x y/n #ft gajeel x you #fairy tail fanfiction #gajeel fanfiction #fairy tail x #fairy tail x reader

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yennefer-stark · 4 years ago

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The time was night, the date was wednesday and it was cold and dark because the winter is approached. The lamps in the street gave to the road a dim-lit light as well as the sidewalk. She walked directly to the bridge, and no, she doesnt wanted to commit suicide, she just wanted to be alone, sang out her sadness in the night.

"Everyone got their soulmate... Tony got Pepper, Thor has Jane, Clint already had a family and two kid, Natasha and Bruce are a couple... Hell even Steve with Bucky"

She thought that and started to sing:

Can you hear the silence?

Can you see the dark?

Can you fix the broken?

Can you feel my heart?

I'm scared to get close and I hate being alone.

I long for that feeling to not feel at all.

The higher I get, the lower I'll sink.

I can't drown my demons, they know how to swim.

Can you feel my heart?

Can you feel...?

Her beautyful voice slowly closed, a knot grew in her throat as she started to sob, then cry. She felt nothing but darkness and being alone, while she was the heart of her team. The fact and happy memories didnt helped. But remembered when Steve laughed in the joke, remembered when Tony gave her a compliment about her progress, the training in the gym with Nat, sometimes with Bucky or Steve, even the archery competition with Clint. Her brain closed out those memories and forced her to not let inside. On the other hand... a tall, slim figure watched her. He has got long black hair, a pair of mesmerizing emerald green eyes, sharp features wich was particularly attractive, pale skin and mysterious aura. He hid in the shadow, just like he did in his childhood. He understood her pain, what's more, he felt the same. Being lonlely and left behind. To be honest, the girl would gave everything for a hug and being in a comfy place... Between someone's arm.

-Yes. I can feel it. Why are you here in those times? It's dark, dangerous and you dont know how many serial killer around you. You should go home.

-I dont think that two killer would've such a good talk like us.

Said the girl without looking back. She wasnt scared, she was still sad. The man, however was suprised from the answer.

-In fact, I'd be happy if you'd kill me right here.

-Why would I? I mean I'm not going to kill you.

-Then why are you here? Why dont you leave me alone? You know what? You're right... I'm going home and put on my "nothing happened me, i'm perfectly fine" mask.

Then without a single word, she vanished from the bridge back to the Avengers Tower, where ofc everyone was happy. Well, almost. While our girl was in her room, deep in her thoughts, the black haired man stormed through rooms, used the elevator until he found his brother. He knocked on the door, with a bit of nervousness. Soon, a tall, muscular, bearded blonde man opened the door. His face immediately light up btw. He loved his not so little brother.

-Where you've been Loki?

-None of your business brother.

-Then why are you energised? You always nap and brood in silence. Something has changed I can tell.

-Whatever. How can someone make a sad person happy?

-Someone wants make you happy, or you are the one who doesnt want to commit a crime?

-This time, the second one brother.

Loki quckly arranged his face before Thor could've figured out what caused the change in him. He really hoped that the girl told the truth to him, but doesnt thought that she's inside the Tower like he or everyone.

-Well... Kind words helps most of the time.

-Geez, she wanted to die, by my hands. BY MY HANDS! Shes even more depressed than me brother.

-How she looked out?

-Well, she was at my chest height, or at least i think, she sat on the ground, and i'm not a cat, I cant see in the dark... Btw she had dark hair, maybe brown or black, waist lenght, straight. Her voice was.... Truly beautyful, even when it broke and started to cry.

-Hmm... Looks like you met with Valr. Oh brother, if you really want to know her better, it might be a big bite for you. She only talks when someone ask something from her, and I've never seen or heard her laughing. Most of the time she is in the library, gym or in her room when she isnt on a mission, out here with us. But to be honest, it could be anyone. I wish you good luck, if you really saw Valr... She's a worthy warrior.

-One more question before Ieave. Does she used to attend at dinner?

Thor nodded as an answer for the question, then closed the door after Loki, who teleported to the library. He found it empity tho. But at the other hand, Valr successfully picked herself up from the floor and walked to the common kitchen. She sighed in relief, she was alone, but not for a long time. As the time passed, the table was ready for the dinner. A whole set of plates, forks and knifes with table napkins. As the clock hit 7:30pm, the rest of the team slowly started to attend here and fill the room with energy and happines... The first, and most hungriest person was Bucky, then Steve, after them Natasha and Bruce. Thor followed them with Loki who seemed distant from the others. Clint arrived before the two god. As usual, Tony didnt showed up.

-Ah, Lady Valr, take a seat and eath with us.

-Thanks Thor, but I'm not hungry. I already ate and now I'm full.

-At least, stay with us and drink Val'.

-This cant cause any problem I guess.

The god of mischief immediately looked at Valr from the corner of his eye, when she lied to Thor without batting an eye. He already liked her, and planned to give her leftover food. Somehow he felt what the girl felt. The hardness of keeping the mask on... He greeted as an old friend. Sadness, even depression? Those kind of feelings too, but he played along with Valr. After they finished the dinner Steve stayed in the kitchen with Bucky to do the dishes and everyone went to their room. Except Loki, who kept an eye on her and sneaked up some food for her. He knocked on the door.

-Yes? It's open.

-Thank god it's open, I brought food for you Lady Valr.

-Why? I said I'm not hungry.

But Loki just smirked under his nonexistent mustache and placed the plate on the table. He found her reaction rather funny...

-Honey, you can not lie to the god of mischief.

-Great. Thanks for the food, you can go away and leave me alone. I dont need anyone in my life.

-Really? Then why are you scared to get close and hate being alone?

-I said, you can go away and leave me alone. Are you deaf or what?

-Slow down Lady Valr, there isnt such a reason to behave so mean, but as you wish. I leave you alone now, but I'll keep an eye on you.

-This is what I missed... I dont need baby sitting.

-Have a goodnight, Lady Valr.

If she could have a good night, she'd have a dream, but the next day's morning she went on a mission with Bucky. So she woke up at 5am, streched a bit, then had her regular morning routine before grabbed the suitcase and went to the kitchen, where Bucky waited for her. The smell of coffe enchanted a smile to her lips. The man with the metal hand greeted with a nod, and offered her a cup of coffe. Luckily he knew how Valr likes the caffeined black-ish liquid.

-I cant believe you are in this mission, I know how much do you hate Russia.

-Yes, but you cant dance with Nat, and noone else can speak fluent russian beside me. Do you have that magic tho?

-Poof. It will last while we're close to each other. Maybe one mile... I didnt need to use this spell until then.

-Wow. You amaze me every time Valr.

-Now let's go, I'm sure Tony already booked a flight to Moscow...

They boarded the plane and sat in silence after they talked through the plan. Bucky, who could never escape fully from the past, started to analyze Valr, but it was hard, even for him.

-З-здравствуйте...меня зовут...Valr...

-The hell did you just said?

Bucky never heard Valr talking in Russian so perfectly. She said those words without any accent, and he almost answered in the same language.

-Just one of thies things I can say in Russian.

-Well, it was perfect, but let me talk in Russian. Not because I love it, but 70 years experience from missions is still experience... Oh god, I already miss him...

-If you show feelings towards him, we might be caught. Steve still wanted for the underground, secret organizations in Russia. I know, you're gay for him and he's bi, but we need to play that we're a couple.

As the days passed by, Valr and Bucky grew closer to each other, talked about how they got captured/kidnapped and used to achieve bad goals. Not that fact they were so distant from each other, but they were the two person out of the Avengers... who were the quietest. As the day approached, they practiced a little dancing. You need know that the thing they search for, can be found in a Ball, wich held and organised secretly by Hydra. Extremely evil, right? But they had allies in the shadows and under the sun... When the day has arrived, you could cut the nervousness in the air with butterknife. Now, Valr understood why Bucky doesnt like to take a walk at daytime, unless he did it with Steve, his safe-place.

---------------------------------------

Untitled "little" story

Part one

I hope you liked it if you tripped over it...

@winterbuckytho @itsbuckyb1tch @i-smell-penniess

#the avengers #steve rogers #james barnes #mission #loki #tony stark #thor #fantasy

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lizzieraindrops · 5 years ago

Link

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: The Far Meridian (Podcast) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Peri/Ruth Characters: Hesperia | Peri, Ruth Additional Tags: Wingfic, Wings, Alternate Universe - Wings, Wing Grooming, Pining, Mutual Pining, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, Stargazing, Pre-Canon, they're still in high school, it's really gay, Angst, Fluff and Angst, Best Friends, Friends to Lovers, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Femslash, Pre-Femslash

I decided that angsty wingfic for The Far Meridian was a necessity.

Just a memory of a soft evening atop a lighthouse, filled with unspoken words and un-nameable longing. Girls preening the wings of close friends is totally normal - unless you're pining sapphics suffering internalized homophobia. A continuation of the sunset scene in Ep. 1.10 Whitecaps. I promise it does end soft.

Peri has the wings of a hermit thrush – an elusive migratory songbird that travels at night, rarely visits feeders, and is widely regarded as having one of the most beautiful, ethereal songs. Ruth has the wings of a northern spotted owl – a nocturnal bird with little white spots like stars on dark brown wings, and big brown eyes.

Title from the song of the same name by The Spring Standards, also featured on this Peri/Ruth playlist.

Say it Say the words I see behind your eyes If it’s not hard to say, then it’s a lie

___________

With the brilliant colors of the sunset, the brine seasoning the seaside air, and the sound of the sweetest voice in the world singing where only she can hear, this might be Peri’s idea of bliss. The soft vibrations of unexpected music twines about the two of them in the air atop the lighthouse, much like the winding breeze that breathes through Peri’s feathers. The wind tugs lightly at them like an invitation to sky. That pull revives the muscle memory of flight going back for generations, running all the way down the vanes to stir their roots. But the song reaches even deeper into her, somewhere in the region where her wings themselves are rooted.

It’s a perfect moment, even if something about it aches indescribably. But it’s alright; it’s a familiar nameless ache, one that swells or softens but never completely fades. Maybe it’s more noticeable right now because Peri doesn’t know when she’ll get another moment like this. So, she tries to make the most of it. She keeps her eyes on the sky and drinks in the air and the light and the sound, trying to sink into the sweetness and save the bitterness for later. It works until it doesn’t.

“You could always… go,” Ruth says, but the way her voice trails tells Peri she already knows her answer. “Next semester. It’d be way easier if we could cheer each other on.”

Peri folds her wings in a little tighter, so the wind’s fingers slide off of them. She doesn’t look at Ruth. “I’ve got my online courses…”

“You know that’s not the same.”

Peri leans forward into the railing of the balcony around the light room as she sighs. She’d hoped Ruth wouldn’t make her say it. “Trust me, if I were a turtle with my home on my back… I’d be there in half a heartbeat.”

“C’mon,” Ruth says, stirring the air with a playful stroke of her forewings. The tips of her soft primaries barely brush Peri’s arm. “In the grand cosmic scheme of things, the whole Earth is your home, zooming through space at sixty-seven thousand miles per hour!”

“Sounds more like a racecar than a home!” Peri protests, but she feels a smile seeking its way to her lips.

“You are – impossible!” Ruth exclaims.

Laughter escapes both of them then. It makes the brief tension recede like one wave folding under the next, returning them to bittersweet contemplation of the kaleidoscope sky.

Peri gives a little shrug of her wings and settles them to lay more comfortably against her back. A few of the tertial feathers at the base catch on the cotton of her shirt. She lifts her left wing a little and reaches her right arm around to smooth them back into place. Once it’s fixed and re-folded, she shifts to carefully lean her elbow against Ruth’s on the railing. She does it oh so slowly, so casually that Ruth can move away if she wishes, and Peri will have done nothing but adjusted the way her weight rests against the rail. Her arms practically ache with affected ease, ready to pull back, oh sorry, didn’t mean to bump you, if Ruth pulls away.

Ruth doesn’t pull away. The wind softens into something that barely dances over Peri’s skin. In the resulting quiet, she can hear Ruth breathing. Peri listens.

“I’m really gonna miss you,” Ruth says in a soft voice.

Peri watches the golds and oranges of the sunset deepen toward pink. The clouds holding that brilliant light slide along the horizon like sails before swifter, higher winds than the ones that reach the lighthouse. Words fill her throat, but she doesn’t know what any of them are, much less how to say them. “Yeah,” she finally says. “Me, too.”

The two of them stand together in silence. Ruth heaves a slow sigh. That ineffable ache still lingers, as it always does for Peri: quietly, and constantly. But usually, it’s not this much. Right now, Peri can physically feel it like a sore muscle, somewhere deep in her chest in the same place where the music goes. On the surface far above it, the skin of her wing twitches in irritation. Some of the smaller covert feathers above the corrected tertials still feel askew. She cants the wing upward again, reaching. Her fingers stretch toward the mosquito-bite itch, but it’s right on the back of her wing where it’s hardest to reach.

Peri lets out a frustrated sound. She briskly fluffs her feathers up and then down again, hoping it will sort out the stuck ones without her having to practically stretch her shoulder out of socket. It doesn’t. This probably wouldn’t be as difficult if she didn’t carry so much tension in her arm- and wing-shoulders. The stiffness of it constricts her natural range of movement just a little, just enough to keep those furthest preening spots out of reach and to leave her neck and upper back perpetually tight and sore. Then again, a whole lot of things in her life probably wouldn’t be as difficult without the anxiety causing that tension in the first place.

Peri braces her hands on the rail. She stretches her rounded wings directly backward to brush their tips against the glass walls of the light room, then folds them down again, to no avail. She huffs in annoyance.

“Hey, you okay?” Ruth asks, giving her a sideways look with one eyebrow raised.

“Yeah, just – nghh.” Peri shrugs her wings again, then tucks them down and holds resolutely still. She’s not going to break the spell of this perfect sunset, not going to walk away from this one of the precious few moments she has left just to go downstairs for a back scratcher. “I’ve just got a feather out of sorts right in the back. It’s fine though.”

“Oh.”

Peri tries to keep her attention on the pink-and-gold clouds, and not on the itch at her back or the light press of the arm leaning against hers. It doesn’t work very well, because she finds some of those words in her throat taking shape and slipping half a question past her teeth before she knows what they are.

“Could you – ?”

At the same time, Ruth blurts, “Do you want me to – ?”

They both break off to stare right at each other. Ruth raises her wings just slightly in a hesitant gesture. Peri quickly looks away again.

“Um,” Peri says, hoping the warm glow of the sunset hides her blush. She pulls her wings in scrunched close to her shoulders in embarrassment. She feels the offending feathers stick up along with several dozen neighbors, crinkled up along the folds of skin.

“Sorry, I – uh,” Ruth says. “I meant – I can fix it, if you want. Or not! It’s totally cool, if that’s weird –”

“No! No, it’s not weird!” Peri says hurriedly. It wouldn’t be. It’s Ruth.

But if it were, that’s why it would be: because it’s Ruth.

Peri had Ace or her mom or dad help her with preening often enough, especially in those hard-to-reach spots. It was a thing lots of people did with close friends and family. Ruth practically was family – she ate dinner at the lighthouse half the time, anyway. It wouldn’t be unusual for Ruth to preen her. Peri had seen plenty of girls at school casually combing through each other’s feathers at the end of lunch hour. That was always a little golden window of free time that the two of them spent together, where nothing consequential ever really happened. Now, though, it occurs to Peri that those casual interstices were home to a disproportionate number of oddly precious memories. They rise up clamoring inside her, as if desperate to not become part of a closed chapter.

There was the time they found a crying thrush trapped in an unused locker down by Mr. Santos’ office, and Peri opened it and got a face full of feathers so much like her own. The two of them chased it down the hallway toward the door Ruth held open for it, and the bird flew out into the sky with a call of joy that they both echoed. Then, there was Heidi’s birthday sophomore year when her grandmother sent her to school with a ton of donuts, except half of them got repurposed for a miniature food fight. Somehow, it was exhilarating instead of terrifying. Peri landed a surprisingly accurate powdered donut on Ruth’s head in a puff of white sugar that clung to her hair all day. She quickly experienced retribution in the form of Ruth seizing her and dusting her all over with a cinnamon twist while laughing and leaving sugary handprints all down her sleeves. And then, there was that time the two of them wandered the perimeter of the soccer field at the edge of school and sat together in the grass awhile, chatting and staring at the trees beyond, and nothing interesting happened at all. They were simply together. Something in the stillness of that moment echoed the bliss of this quiet, sunset-glazed evening that she was living today.

Except for the current awkwardness, today had been blissful - besides the unnamed ache, of course, but that was always there. But perhaps Peri and her escaped words shouldn’t have brought up the idea of preening. For some reason, it was something that had never been a part of any of those remembered moments. It just wasn’t something the two of them did. Peri had never questioned it, never wanted to cross an unacknowledged line. Sure, she had wondered in idle moments what it might feel like to run a hand through the softness of Ruth’s dark velvet-edged owl-feathers, to trace the little white spots that speckled them like stars across a night sky. But someone’s wings were so personal, so strong and yet so vulnerable, that she would never presume to ask, not even her best friend. Especially her best friend.

But now, the wings concerned aren’t Ruth’s, but her own. Although she never even considered the possibility before, she knows she would trust Ruth with anything and everything, including this. Including her. And Ruth herself had offered. Minutes ago, the concept of Ruth’s hands on her wings hadn’t existed. But suddenly, intensely, Peri wants. She wants this before Ruth takes the option far away with her when she leaves. The deep ache inside her twists sharply in a strange way she doesn’t know how to understand.

Ruth is still staring at her, twisting her hands together. Peri flushes again, but just says, in a voice that catches on that ache and breaks into a whisper: “Would you?”

Ruth’s face blooms with hope. Being the reason for that expression makes Peri feel like the sun itself. Ruth begins to reach toward Peri’s wing, but checks herself one more time, retracting her hands as if from a fire too warm, too close.

“You’re sure it’s not weird?” Ruth says, brows crinkling in uncertainty.

“It’s not weird,” Peri says again. Thankfully, her voice doesn’t break this time. “Well, I mean, you’re weird, so by default everything involving you is weird, but other than that –”

“Hey!” Ruth puts one hand on her hip. “Rude! You’re one to talk.”

For the second time that evening, they both dissolve into giggles. The beam from the lighthouse’s light swings over them, illuminating their faces with a glimpse of brilliance.

“Okay but no, really,” Peri says after she’s caught her breath. “That spot’s really really bugging me, can you get it?”

“Yeah yeah! Come here,” Ruth says. As naturally as if they’ve done this a thousand times, she reaches out toward her once again and twirls a finger in the air to ask Peri to turn around.

Peri turns and stretches out her left wing, resting her opposite hand on the glass walls of the light room. “It’s right down at the base there, do you see it?”

“Oh yeah, hon, you’re all kinds of ruffled up here.”

For a moment, Peri doesn’t feel anything but the breeze. But just as she’s worrying that Ruth has decided this is too weird after all, careful fingers sink into the mat of soft brown coverts at her shoulder. Very gently at first, and then with deliberate firmness, she starts combing them back into place.

“Yeah, the one that’s really the problem is just belo– ahh!” Peri shivers as Ruth untangles the feather’s barbs from its neighbors and flattens it between her fingers to zip them back into alignment. Then she rubs the pad of her thumb against the feather’s base where it meets the skin, erasing the twinge of irritation with comforting pressure. Peri’s wing involuntarily sags to the ground in relief, yet again crinkling up all the feathers where her wing meets her back into disarray.

Ruth just laughs. “Starshine, you’re gonna undo all my work if you do that. Here, why don’t you sit down.”

“Oh - okay.”

Peri settles herself cross-legged at the end of the balcony. She rests her arms on the lower rail and fully stretches out both wings, resting them on the ground at a more relaxed angle. Ruth sits down behind her, and with a deep breath sets to fixing her feathers again.

If this evening was blissful before, now it’s approaching something more like wonder. It’s hard to believe it’s real. Sitting here watching the bright clouds fade while Ruth cards deft fingers through her feathers, making the skin underneath tingle with pleasure... it’s a whole new kind of exquisite. Maybe the only thing that could make it better would be if Ruth started singing again – and sure enough, Ruth starts humming to herself as she works. Peri’s left wing goes slack, followed by her right as Ruth works her way through the tiny scapulars on her back toward the opposite limb. The corded tightness of those great flight muscles slowly begins to untie itself, chased away by strokes of careful pressure and gentle scratches.

After she finishes the covert feathers at the elbow bend of her wing, Ruth goes quiet and pauses. Peri hums a softest protest in her throat. At the sound, Ruth lays a silent question on the expanse of her ungroomed secondary coverts with a gently placed palm. Peri can’t help but press an answer into her touch.

Ruth chuckles and resumes, soothing sensitive skin and smoothing down all those little rounded feathers. She even massages the underlying wing, wrapping her hands right around the marginal coverts and squeezing her fingers deep into the muscle. How did she get so good at this? If Peri had known earlier....

Ruth continues to hum as she goes, softly enough that she might be just singing to herself. But when she sings Clementine again, the notes trace their way right into Peri’s core, lancing that eternal ache with unbearable sweetness.

This might be both the happiest and saddest Peri has ever felt.

Once Ruth finishes grooming the coverts, front and back, she starts running her fingers along each great flight feather. She hums another song Peri doesn't know, making sure all the feathers' little barbs knit together without gaps.

“Beautiful,” she murmurs in between the notes.

“Huh?” Peri glances at the plain brown wing in Ruth’s hands. “They’re just brown.”

“So are mine!”

Peri rolls her eyes. “Yeah, yours are dark and gorgeous and you’ve got all those little white spots that look like constellations. Mine are all the same and just kind of dusty-looking.”

“What! No they’re not. They’re such a warm color. They’ve got this gradient...” Ruth supports the back of one of Peri’s long primaries with one hand while reaching over the top of the wing to trace the raised rachis on the feather’s underside with her fingers. “They’re kind of pale golden at the base, and then they turn more sort of, I dunno. Like hot cocoa. And look! You’ve got this adorable little stripe of dark tips on your primary coverts. And your alula.” Ruth tweaks the three little ‘thumb’ feathers at the top of her wing.

“Oh.” Peri blinks. “I mean, I guess.”

“They’re right here! There’s no need to guess. You’re adorable, and that’s that.”

Peri rolls her eyes with an exasperated sigh and a smile.

Ruth goes back to fixing up her long remiges. Peri’s wings sink ever closer to the floor, limp with relaxed pleasure. Finally, after what could be either hours or mere minutes, Ruth runs her hands down the length of them and stops.

“There,” Ruth whispers into the evening air, so soft she can hardly hear it. “How’s that?”

In answer, Peri stretches both her arms and wings out to their fullest extent with languorous ease. On impulse, she falls back into Ruth’s chest with an enormous sigh, wings still splayed. The soft whoof of air Ruth lets out makes her hair flutter by her ear.

“Good,” Peri says.

“Good.” Ruth’s voice is oddly high.

Ruth’s chest rises and falls against her back and wing-shoulders, and Peri finds that they’re breathing in rhythm. It’s lovely.

Ruth shifts her arms like she’s not sure what to do with them, with Peri practically in her lap. Apparently, she settles on stretching them out to lay along the margins of Peri’s prone wings. It increases the points of contact between them, and Peri certainly isn’t going to complain. They both hold still, simply breathing, Ruth’s breath brushing against her cheek.

She’s going to miss Ruth so much. The reality of her leaving has been circling closer for days, weeks, maybe even years, but now the fact has finally come home to roost in Peri’s ribcage.

Peri’s body is far more relaxed than usual. But the softness draws an unbearably sharp contrast with this hurting in her chest – – her heart fucking aches.

A shudder of pain that has nothing to do with Peri’s muscles runs through her, making her breath stutter.

“Whoa – Peri, what’s wrong?”

Peri squeezes her eyes shut and shakes her head sharply. Don’t, please don’t, don’t ruin this, she tells herself.

“Peri,” Ruth says more urgently. Her voice is soft, but it goes low and resonant, like she’s trying to throw it across a canyon. Her hands cup Peri’s wings, holding her as they curl inward with pain.

Peri opens her mouth, desperately trying to cough up all the unspoken things trapped in her throat, but she has no idea how to make them turn into words that she can say.

Water wells in her eyes. “I’m sorry,” she says in a broken whisper, and turns her face into Ruth’s neck to hide them.

Ruth stiffens as she leans in, but just as quickly goes soft and curls around her. Her cheek rests against Peri’s head while her arms slide past the curtain of her feathers and wrap around her waist to hug her closer.

“Oh honey,” she breathes, “For what? You don’t need to be. It’s okay.”

Peri’s shuddering breaths shake them both a few times before subsiding under the comforting pressure of Ruth’s arms.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Ruth whispers into her hair. The evening breeze twists around them, throwing one of Ruth’s stray locks into Peri’s eyes.

Peri shakes her head again, softer this time. She can’t. She wants to. But when she tries to say any or all of the unknown things she desperately needs to, the only sound her throat wants to make is a cry just like that thrush when it was trapped in the locker.

“Did I do something?” Ruth’s voice goes thin with uncertainty. “Was this too much?” Her arms begin to loosen unforgivably.

“No!” She lays her own arms over Ruth’s to keep them from pulling away. Right now, they’re the only thing keeping the ache inside her from growing so large it consumes her. “You’re fine.” You’re perfect. You’re wonderful. You’re everything. Please don’t go, she doesn’t say. She has no right to be saying such excessive things. “Please, just... stay here awhile?”

Ruth tightens her hold around Peri again. “Of course. I’m here, starshine.”

For now, she thinks with a pang, but she turns away from the thought. No matter what happens next, nothing can change the fact that Ruth has soothed her wings and called them beautiful and held Peri close in her arms. That’s real now, and nothing can ever take that away from her. That’s something she wouldn’t give up even to avoid all this hurt. She lays a hand over one of the darker ones splayed across her ribs, and Ruth tangles their fingers together. The gesture makes Peri melt back into her embrace. It acquires even more layers when Ruth brings her wings around parallel to Peri’s own to shelter her from the stiffening breeze.

Although being so close is what made her aching flare up so terribly into this storm of unutterable words and nameless longing, drawing even closer like this gently ushers Peri into something of a storm’s eye. Here, body to body and wing to wing, the aching releases its grip on her, and she finally goes completely soft. She knows it’s still there, rooted deep within her. But for perhaps the first time since it sprouted unnoticed in her heart an unknown number of years ago and began trellising itself all through her chest and shoulders, it doesn’t hurt. It just holds her, steadies her, the same way Ruth is holding her.

The breeze grows cooler and the surf grows fainter as the tide goes out. The pink clouds have long since taken a turn toward purple, and are now fading into dusky violet in an inky-blue evening sky.

Eventually, Ruth stirs without letting go of her. “Hey, Peri, look.” She points out west toward where the sun’s setting leaves a pale halo on the horizon. In between the smoky clouds, there’s a bright pinprick of light.

“It’s you,” Ruth says. “The evening star. Hesperos, the Greeks called it. And Phosphoros, the morning star – back then they didn’t know it was the same thing. It’s Venus, really. But I guess we’ve never really forgotten what it meant to us, in the beginning, when we started looking at the sky. And we’ve carried the story of it with us ever since.”

“Mmhmm.” Peri’s heard this story many times before. But she could spend all night listening to the way Ruth’s voice goes soft and full of awe when she talks about the stars.

They both gasp as a broad streak of blue-white brilliance arcs right past the gleaming planet and vanishes behind a trailing cloud.

“Oh, that’s a fireball!” Ruth exclaims, holding on to her tight. “I’ve never seen one that bright. Blue usually means high magnesium content – quick, make a wish, girl!” She gives Peri an extra squeeze.

“What, because it has high magnesium content?” Peri asks, baffled.

“No, dummy, because it’s a shooting star! Quick now.”

Peri looks out to the horizon where the ‘star’ fell, blinking at the afterimages of its descent. The only wish she can possibly make right now is the one that she doesn’t have words for. Her chest and throat go tight and sharp as she tries once more to force the yearning inside her to name itself, even if only in her mind. But it’s like trying to pick unripe fruit that clings tenaciously to the vine. It’s just not ready. Maybe she herself just isn’t ready.

Then again, maybe wishes don’t need to be trapped in words. That planet glinting on the horizon has meant enough to people to be given many words – names – of its own, but it’s still the same thing it always was. Perceptions must have shifted over time, and yet Hesperia’s own name is a lingering echo of what a light in the sky meant to humans who lived centuries ago. The nature of things matters, but so does the way people feel about them.

Peri stops fighting the thing inside her, and it immediately releases her into the softness of Ruth’s arms again. Okay. Squeezing her eyes shut, she holds the memory of that shooting star close to her heart. She pulls that spark of light into the soft eye of the storm with her, thinking deliberately: this. And then, because her human mind clings to the language it knows, gives it the only vague words that she has.

I hope this works out.

She heaves a great sigh as she sets the wish free and leans into Ruth even more.

“Starshine?” Ruth.

“Yeah?”

“You make a wish?”

“Yeah.”

“Good. Don’t tell me.” Ruth pulls her in closer, until Peri’s nestled into her chest close enough to feel another heartbeat.

They’re quiet. The sky has finally darkened enough that the lighthouse’s swinging beam has become a solid thing in the dimness.

“Did you?” Peri asks.

“Did I what?”

“Make a wish.”

“Yeah.”

“Can we do that? Both make wishes on the same star?”

“I dunno. Maybe if we wish for the same thing? Guess we won’t find out unless it comes true.”

“Well, you’re the star expert. I believe you.”

“Not yet, I’m not.”

“You will be. I know you.”

Ruth only hums in response. Peri feels the vibration of the sound against her back and wings. A chill runs across her skin, making her feathers stand up briefly.

“You alright?” Ruth asks, running a gentle hand along her feathers once more.

“Mmmm.”

The stars are starting to fill all the gaps between the clouds now.

“Do you wanna go back in?” Ruth asks.

“Mm,” Peri says again. “Not yet. Can we stay just a little longer?”

“Yeah. I’d like that. Although my leg is kinda asleep.”

“Oh, gosh, I'm right on it, I’m sorry.”

“Ah, don’t worry. Maybe let’s move back so I can lean on the light, though?” Peri nods.

Ruth lets go of her and scoots the few feet back to the light at the center of the circular balcony. Peri’s heartache whines a little at the temporary loss, but she soothes it with a wordless whisper. She clambers after Ruth and leans against the light next to her, the intermittent brilliance shining through their feathers. She leans into the wing that Ruth spreads for her and the arm that Ruth wraps around her shoulders. She curls an arm around Ruth’s waist, weaving it under her beautiful barred and spotted feathers. The slow, regular creak of the light turning hums behind and below them. Its familiar gleam and grumble insulates them from the rest of the world. They’re cupped in their own little universe of light and sound, nothing but the sky and the sea and the shining.

The weight of Ruth’s head against her shoulder takes Peri by surprise. She hardly dares to glance at it, afraid she might move, but she dares just enough to allow herself a glimpse of Ruth’s dark hair only inches away. It’s really there. She’s really there.

Peri leans her head against Ruth’s, and her chest is a garden thinking of flowers. The two of them share a sigh and watch the stars and the swinging light in the darkness.

#the far meridian #hesperia #whisperforge #peri/ruth #lizzie taking up space #peruth #fanfic #femslash #crop circles #til the sun sets in verona #long post #podcasts

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