#cant even type it without getting nauseous..

[stanheightis]

what is your opinion on william loomis ???? what about stuart macher ???

did you say.. w-william loomis?!? GAH!! so scary.. im shivering in fear..

i’m the leader of the billy loomis hate club.. sorry! that greasy pansy ass mamas rat boy is just!!! he’s my number 1 opp FOR REAL.

no hate if you like him btw!! i am almost just joking

HIS BOYFRIEND ON THE OTHER HAND… stu 😊😊

I LOVE STUART LEWIS MACHER!!!! hes in my top 10 favourite fictional characters ever, hes my silly little pookie who i js love sm 🙁

ive literally spent HOURS talking about stu with YOU, tumblr user @liverralonee, like the fixation went HARD. like we came up w so many hcs im kinda sad i didnt write them down as we went cuz there is SO FUCKING MANY!!!!

stu also introduced me to matthew, who’s literally one of my favourite actors in the world, so i have a bit of an emotional attachment to him

all jokes aside, theyre both really well-written characters, and even though i’m billy loomis’s #01 hater in the world, i can TOLERATE him for stu.

[afternines]

.

[fadedin2u]

hihi, not sure if ur taking in requests but could u write a fic where ellie comforts reader?? or basically js a fluff fic/ one shot? theres not enough fluff on here and im sad i need something happy😭😭😭

yuppppp

content: you get sick, and ellie takes care of you.

warning: reader vomits (sick asf), reader is referred to as ellie’s “girlfriend”, but otherwise not specified afab or not

notes: i love a good hurt/comfort drabble and LOVE writing fluff so if anyone has any fluff requests i will write them!! also this is fairly short so oops

———

today has been hell.

you spent the day sick as hell, alone, in ellie’s little garage while ellie was on patrol. she left you in the wee hours of the morning, groaning as she pulled herself out of the warm cocoon of her bed with you, haphazardly throwing on whatever clothes (clean or not) that were in the nearby vicinity. when she got up and unknowingly woke you up as she stumbled around the room, you could feel that your stomach felt off, but you were too exhausted to do anything other than fall back asleep.

about an hour later, with sunlight streaming through the dusty window panes, you awoke again, this time due to the lurching of your stomach. you leapt out of ellie’s bed, running to her small bathroom, where you promptly emptied the minimal contents of your stomach into the toilet’s basin. you heaved a few more times until you were sure that you weren’t at risk of throwing anything else up and flushed the toilet. once you brushed your teeth with the toothbrush you keep at ellie’s, you crawled back into her bed.

even though you were no longer actively nauseous, your stomach wouldn’t settle, your body wracked with chills. you knew that you should probably go back to your own home, sleep in your own bed to not put ellie at risk of catching anything, but the thought of braving the winter snow in your state was enough to keep you where you were. you knew that you had stable duty that day, but you couldn’t even imagine getting out of bed to let your supervisor know that you weren’t fit to work today.

your eyes and body felt unimaginably heavy, and soon, you feel back into a restless sleep.

——

“babe? you feeling okay?”

you awoke to a cold hand on your forehead, and you slowly blinked your eyes open, slowly focusing on ellie’s freckled face frowning down at you.

when ellie had gotten back from a long, boring patrol, maria approached her, letting ellie know that her girlfriend had been a no-show for stable duty that morning. maria seemed more concerned than anything, knowing that you weren’t the type to skip out on work without at least a notice of some sort.

ellie’s stomach filled with anxiety and she quickly made her way to your small home, where she found an absence of you. dread coursed through her veins as she trudged quickly through the snow, back to her own garage, where she was met with relief when she saw you curled up in her sheets.

you weren’t normally the type to sleep in until 3pm, so as soon as she saw you still asleep, she knew something must be up, and when she felt the scalding heat of the skin on your forehead, she sighed.

“you’re burning up, sweetheart,” ellie murmurs, her brows furrowed as she sits on the bed next to you.

you wince, your voice rough with sleep, “yeah, that makes sense.”

“how are you feeling?”

“i feel like shit… i threw up in your toilet, but i promise i’ll clean it soon.”

ellie frowns more, “dude. don’t worry about cleaning my toilet right now. have you had anything to eat or drink?”

you shake your head and she sighs.

“i swear, i cant leave you alone for longer than two seconds or all hell breaks loose,” ellie teases, her thumb stroking your warm cheek before she stands up, “stay here.”

you huff a laugh, unable to entertain the idea of rolling over, let alone leaving. “sounds like a plan.”

ellie quickly goes to first get you a glass of water, watching you as you drink some of it, before jolting inside joel’s house, raiding his kitchen for some leftover soup stored in the fridge. she puts it on the stove to heat up, and within 15 minutes, she’s carrying a warm bowl of minestrone soup into her garage. she helps you sit up and places the soup on your lap.

you smile gratefully up at her after eating a spoonful, “thanks els, seriously. i didn’t want you to have to come back from patrol and baby me but-“

ellie cuts you off, sitting down on her bed against your side, “i’m happy to do it. i want you feeling good, and you’d do the same for me.”

you give her a look, “you wouldn’t let me do the same for you.”

ellie shrugs, “that’s because i’m an asshole. you’re not, so let me take care of you, okay?”

you roll your eyes, “oh my god… fine. thank you.”

you eat in silence while ellie leans against you, her arm wrapped around you and pulling her more into her side. when you’ve eaten as much as you can, ellie takes the bowl and places it on her bedside table.

“can i hold you for a bit?” ellie asks softly, her hand smoothing over your back.

“you’re gonna get sick, els…” you protest, but you’re already leaning into her more.

ellie scoffs, lying down with you and holding you close against her side, still rubbing your back. “my immune system is impenetrable, i swear. your weak ass flu germs can’t do shit.”

you laugh a little, your leg tossed over her body as you nuzzle into the crook of her neck. “so are you calling my immune system weak then?”

ellie gives you a cocky smile, “most definitely. puny, even.”

you punch her side softly, and she jolts, groaning, “ow! hey, i’m just stating facts!”

you roll you eyes again, giggling a little before closing your eyes and melting into the warmth of her body. “yeah, sure. we’ll see about that.”

ellie smiles to herself softly, content. “get some sleep, your body probably needs all the rest it can get.”

you hum in agreement and yawn, “yeah, definitely…”

ellie keeps tracing shapes and letters into your back as you fall back asleep, and eventually, lulled by your slightly feverish warmth, she falls asleep as well.

in the morning, when ellie is groaning about her own stomach hurting as she gets ready to tell maria she won’t be able to make it to patrol, you laugh to yourself and say nothing. this time, at least, she actually lets you help take care of her in return.

[solaarbeeam]

always on time - todoroki fuyumi x reader

notes :: gender is not specified, but fuyumi is pregnant with reader's child, this is for black readers only !!

warnings : pregnancy mention, vomiting mention, s3x mention but its hidden, nausea mention

if you had told fuyumi todoroki that she was going to have a blasian baby by one of the top heroes in the world, she would've thought that you were absolutely insane.

but here she was, sitting in bed, 8 weeks in, vomiting her life out while you were out completing hero duties. although she was nauseous, she decided that she was an independent 22 y/o woman, and drove over to your agency.

luckily for her, as soon as you met the top charts and hired people, she got to know and remember every single name of the people who work with your agency, including your assistant. therefore, as soon as fuyumi stepped on the premises, she was provided with everything she asked for.

as she walked towards your front office and opened the door, there you were signing your last few papers and typing things on your computer, as hero work doesn't only consist of beating people up and hooking them up with gods wifi.

as you look up, you see your assistant holding a trash can with a bag in it so she can throw up, as you quietly send your servant away to help your wife. you guide her over to lean against the side of the porcelain table, as you hold her by her waist

"what you doing here? i told you to stay home and ask the workers for the things you need."

"i wanted to see you. plus, its not fun being home alone without my significant other with me."

"fine, you can stay, just make sure you rest. cant have your fine ass running around hurt and/or sick even more."

sometimes she wishes she didn't blush every single time you said anything along the lines of that

sometimes there would be moments where fuyumi would think you'd never be there, and it really does hurt knowing that your not always there when she calls, but you somehow manage to always be on time and it really makes her wonder about your duality.

it was a late night, around 11:50 PM, and you hadn't answered your phone since she started calling at around 10:00. it reminded her about that day in her childhood, but she don't even wanna think about it. she starts to cry, not only from hormones but from the fact that you could be anywhere, injured, critically injured, or worse, dead.

the staff at the house help calm her down and rush her upstairs, and she sleeps, but once she wakes again around 1 AM, she feels the need to throw up again.

she throws up again in the bathroom, and walks downstairs to drink some water. the door clicks and you come through. you see the stains on your shirt and immediately rushes over, although she cuts you off, you try to kiss her, but she doesn't let you.

"so, i've been calling you since 10:00. I had to stop at 11:30 and then our blessed staff had to get me to bed. I wake up, i have to throw-up, i do so, then you waltz in here, try to kiss me without consent, after you haven't answered me for so long?"

you were silent. she isn't in the wrong, and you were gone for so long, you didn't even consider it.

"i was in a high-chase with one of the a-class villains, i told them i had to get home but they didn't let me, and you know from personal experience, the hero comission are D1 assholes and all of us are still working together to try and bring them down for good. the villain we was chasing was a former HC member, so we had to ransack the nigga for evidence."

"... don't do that shit ever again." there was a long pause before she turned around and gave you a bear hug. "i was worried, do that shit again and im gonna kill you."

"i'm not always gonna be there when you call, fuyu. i'll always be there on time, and i'm going to give you my all, all i ask is for you to be mine. forever."

from, jordan

[rasshu-benaiokny]

勇 Slight Adornment 勇

MDNI - Stalking - forced kisses - Injury - Blood - racist/xenophobic language - #gyutaroxrasshu

(THIS IS A SECRET INTERACTION THAT WAS NOT PUT INTO THE ORIGINAL FANFICTION so it might be a bit off BUT THIS IS WAY AFTER GYUTARO AND RASSHU MET FOR THE FIRST TIME BUT BEFORE THEIR “SECOND” MEETING I.E. his stalking phase)

Walking back home underneath the hazy midnight glazed moon, Rasshu steps in between the crunchy leaves to reduce her whereabouts. She knew that she was inherently safe within the confines of her own secretive land but she always hated drawing attention to her self regardless. Even if she had a good chunk of power behind her kicks, she often liked to abscond from such worries to reduce any injuries that would come forth… so typically, she walked back to her estate dodging most of the leaves on the ground, almost making no sounds at all but for some reason… she felt off. Her bare arms gave a tingling feeling as her brain kept telling her that something is off. But this happened every blue moon, most notably after a mission was completed. Rasshu was always the paranoid type and she never truly felt “safe” but shes grown accustomed to it in her years. But even if she was so accustomed to the feeling, tonights’ paranoia was strong! After all, she did survive a harsh battle with a particularly persistent upper moon demon… she knew that any hashira that encountered those demons developed a deep trauma from it if they lived from it. And all she wanted to do was get home and rest to be completely honest.

After such a long walk, she finally walked up the sleek steps of her home. But when she put her hands against the cold exterior of her door, a rush of impending doom filled her head making her feel nauseous immediately! Quickly entering the heavy doors, she shut them behind her and locked them before leaning against them. Holding her head, her back slid down the door until she was on the cold wooden floor. The nagging sensation was so intense, she never truly felt such a wave of nausea in a long time… maybe she was stressed from all of the recent missions she’s been going on… or maybe it was because of that mission against that unsightly demon where she was closest to death… Finding strength, she crawls up to her feet and makes her way upstairs towards her small office like room. Opening the large window to let in fresh air, she turns towards her chair and gently settles into it as the air inside of it flushes out underneath her weight. Swiveling to her desk, she lights up a lantern and takes out a piece of paper. Thinking to herself he mutters out her letter while she writes…

Rasshu: Master Daichi, please forgive me and my request but I think i may need more time to recuperate as I am not functioning as well as i should be. I may not be showing up to any meetings nor accepting minor missions as I simply cant even preform the simplest of…

Trailing off, Rasshu’s eyes tighten on the door in front of her as her body stiffens up but then she frustratingly snaps back to normal. She cant even focus on her damn letter she’s writing! The stress is getting to her and she cant figure out how to escape it! With her frustration building up, she storms out of her office to go boil a pot of tea but without knowing, a set of spindly fingers glide along the office window that was left open…

Meanwhile, the uneasy hashira waits down stairs as she listens to the tea boil. The sound of bubbling water seems to take her mind off of her worries and when its time, she pours the tea into a small cup. Cupping her hands around the warm cup, her cheeks warm up as her frustration and fear’s seemingly melt away… Warmth was always something she resonated with so surely it would be the one thing to make her feel safe. Taking a sip of the tea, she nodded to herself as she went back up stairs to finish her letter to her leader but when she went inside the office, the letter was missing. She left the letter in such a rush, she came to the conclusion that a gust of wind from the window must’ve blown it somewhere… putting down her cup, she looked for the letter around the office but nothing came up but then something urged her to look outside. Walking towards the window, that sensation built up again but she ignored it as she poked her head out to see. Nothing. With a grimace, Rasshu closed the window feeling dumbfounded for losing the letter in the first place. But then something grazed by her waist as the impending sense of doom peaked beyond control! Instinctively, she turned around ready to beat down whatever she felt until her eyes met a pair of eyes she never thought she’d see again… those tired eyes…

A tall, muscular but unnervingly malnourished demon stood at the office door as his expression was filled with disappointment and disgust! A constant stench emitted from his body, the grotesque smell of road kill thats been baking in the sun for days! And in such a small room, it reached Rasshu fast, making her stomach curl up in a knot! The demons eyes trailed along the slayers office room growing angry by the second as he clawed his neck.

Gyutaro: how privileged are you to live in such a luxurious house… to have so much land!… to have virtually everything you’ve ever wanted!… it disgusts me that such a foreigner like YOU… someone who shouldn’t be HERE… had more luxury than someone like me!?

Rasshu: Y-you’re supposed to be-

Gyutaro: Dead?… right…? Heheheeheehee… You slayers are so pathetic… thinking that stronger demons like me can be beheaded like the rest… the nerve… And to think I let you behead me… urk… I KNOW WHAT YOU SHOULD DO! WHY DONT YOU CALL ON THAT SAKONJI FELLA TO SAVE YOU!? I THINK ID LOVE TO MEET YOUR LITTLE BOYFRIEND!…

Rasshu, thinking: boyfriend…?

Watching the demon go into a personal tirade, Rasshu shifts her body slightly as she readies an attack but suddenly the demon glares at her sudden movement and stabs her torso using a pen laying on the desk! Rasshu winces at the speed as she doesn’t remember him being THIS fast? Hunching down, the slayer holds her side as she puts pressure around the pen lodged in her to stop any bleeding. Simultaneously, Gyutaro looks at the pathetic hashira glaring back at him… he’s jealous of her lavish lifestyle, he’s jealous of her status in life, he’s jealous of her because he never could obtain what she had… but it will all change when she’s dead, wont it…? unhooking the bloody sickles from his baggy pants, he steps closer to the injured hashira as he takes in her fear. Its the one thing that gives his life joy after all. Caressing her soft face, Gyutaro coos with delight as he puts a sickle to her neck but with a sharp pain, half of his vision blackens out as a pen is lodged into his eye socket! Hissing out, Rasshu scrambles up and snatches his sickle from his hand! Stabbing the demon with his own weapon, she jams the sickle into the demon’s back as her hand burns with poisonous marks! Snatching the pen out of his face, he roars aggressively at the little pest of a woman as he grabs for her! Barely escaping his grasp, Rasshu barges out of the office and sprints to her bedroom to grab her katana. Running down the hallway, the hashira hears a thud behind her as Gyutaro ravages the halls trying to get to the hashira! With the room insight she grabs the doorknob but then she blacks out as shes tackled to the cold hard ground!

Waking up, her body aches as shes laying on the ground of her room with Gyutaro exploring her belongings, breaking things, ripping up clothes, doing whatever he pleases… She looks around as she notices her face bandages torn up below her body and an awful aftertaste coating her jagged teeth. As she shifts up, a creek in the floor boards makes Gyutaro turn to look at the dazed human. Making a sly remark about how she tastes putrid, Rasshu realized what he did to her while she was out as she covers her mouth in disgust, but that disappoints the demon even further… Getting closer to Rasshu, he leans in to her face; his eye’s focus in on her bright red irises as he scowls as her. It seems like her disgust seemed to hurt him unlike the mounds of other insults he got daily and nightly. Was it because she was inherently a foreigner, someone who should be beneath him. Either way, he was angry now as he grabbed the hashira’s sides with aggression, he was confused about his own emotions towards this useless woman. He thought she was gifted with beautiful skin and vibrant eyes but on the other hand, he believed that she could only amount to the trash he stands on.

Tears pricked out from the injured hashira’s eyes as she desperately clawed as the demon’s ugly face! Rasshu gagged out as Gyutaro grinned and forced another foul kiss into her mouth as he just felt like it was his right. She was here just to suffer like him, she was pretty enough but thats it, she was just a pretty object just like all the other pretty humans he ate, but for some reason he didn’t want to eat her. He felt his heart jump for pretty women and handsome men before but he always got over it after a few minutes of mulling it over. But what she did… he cant ignore what happened so long ago when he was defeated, she felt regret for him and caressed his face with such a loving touch… longing to feel that caring touch again drove Gyutaro to insanity as he grunted in his kisses, lapping up her taste as she hit his back for air. Rasshu wasn’t afraid of him but she was afraid of this demon’s intrusive actions; he treated her like he wanted to kill her, but his body desperately clung to hers like he wanted her.

Breaking the kiss, the hashira panted angrily as she glared at the skinny demon confused but he was still angry?! What was wrong with him she thought to herself as she squirmed in his arms. Gyutaro looked down at the woman as he looked for any sign, any sign that he had a chance to be loved by this damned woman but it was hard… her skin was too dark to see any noticeable blush and he couldn’t tell if her heat was from embarrassment or rage! Why couldn’t she just be like a normal Japanese woman; something he was used to, not some foreigner that probably had no intentions of loving some ugly freak… like him?

The awkward silence held up as Gyutaro’s heavy breathing mixed with Rasshu’s shaky breaths. With wide eyes, the hashira stared at the demon waiting to be killed but it never came. Just more silence followed breath after breath until the demons posture lowered more in a depressive manor… something clicked in the demons eyes as he let go of Rasshu’s back, letting her drop to the ground completely as she held her stab wound. Slowly getting up, the tall demon’s body creaked and cracked with his movements as he stepped back with a cold expression. then with a huge show of power, he flexed his calves as he shot out of the bedroom and left the rattled hashira alone…

After a few minutes of processing, Rasshu wiped her mouth as she could still feel his aftertaste deep in her throat… What happened, why didn’t he kill her…?

(I had this in the drafts for MONTHS and its still in drafts! One day ill post it GRAHAHA! P.S. i made this in March 2023 i think)

[ihavea-natural-curiosity]

so today i decided to take an ibuprofen and try to push through school so i wouldn’t miss à math test/any assignments, and ive been compiling a list on if i should go home rn or try to take the test, and i realized something. here’s the list for context:

- [ ] only got two hours of sleep bc of pain induced insomnia

- [ ] cant walk without aid at all

- [ ] basic cognitive function 📉📉📉 (i can’t remember what period i’m in right now)

- [ ] sitting at a desk does not hurt any less than walking

- [ ] dizzy

- [ ] nauseous

- [ ] headache start

- [ ] pain is breaking through ibuprofen that isn’t supposed to wear off for another two hours

- [ ] clothes burn even when completely still

- [ ] can barely get up

- [ ] sweating

- [ ] cant eat

- [ ] cant think of anything else

- [ ] shaky can’t type well

- [ ] can’t do fine motor skills like put hair up or draw

- [ ] so much water bc of sweat and burning

- [ ] more i can’t think of rn

i realized that someone without chronic pain or fibro or anything would probably be hospitalized right now. and that’s weird to think about.

[squarebracket-trickster]

Whether it's a migraine or a headache has nothing to do with the severity of pain.

*I get several full-blown migraine episodes per year, but I clicked "other" on this poll, because none of the other options are technically correct. The "another symptom" option is the closest.

Migraines are a type of pain that gradually gets worse over several hours until it reaches its peak, then goes away. They feel like a stabbing or burning pain in a specific location (such as above the left eyebrow, for example), and can migrate around. There are different types of migraine - some types are accompanied by auruas, light and/sound sensitivity, loss of motor control and/or slurred speech, vision loss, brainfog, and nausea/vomiting etc. Migraines can occur in either the head or the stomach, and generally last 4-7 hours, though some people experience migraines that can last 72 hours or more.

From what I have read, though don't cite me because I am writing this off the top of my head, migraines have something to do with one of the nervous systems? The autonomic nervous system maybe? I can't remember. This also just might be one of the prevailing theories...

On the other hand, there are many different types of headache, caused by different things too. I think the most common headache is a tension headache, caused by tense muscles.

Headaches can be equally, and sometimes even more, painful than migraines. Thunderclap headaches, which often accompany strokes, are generally reported as a 10/10 on a patient painscale, and some people with diagnosed Migraine Disorder who have also experienced thunderclap headaches say the thunderclap headache was far worse. Cluster headaches are another type of long-lasting headache(s) that occur in a single location (generally behind the eye) that are often reported as a 10/10.

On average, I saw a statistic that said most migraine sufferers reported their pain at it's peak as a 7 or 8/10. But migraines can be more painful than that. They can also be less painful. I think there are some types of migraine with aura that occur without any pain at all.

For me, I tell the difference between a migraine and a tension headache by: is the pain sharp or a dull ache? Is it concentrated in one spot or is it just a general feeling across my whole forehead? Is the pain steady or is it getting worse? Does light or sound hurt/make my pain get worse faster? Am I nauseous? How long have I been in pain? But it will be different for everyone.

With migraines, generally there is a "point of no return" after which painkillers like ibuprofen are no longer able to help. (And some of us chronic migraine sufferers like to play a Russian roulette with that "point", bc too much ibuprofen is bad for your gut so we try to do everything we can to manage our pain without it, but if we cant get the pain under control and we wait too long, it's too late and we're stuck in an 8/10 pain for the next 6 hours puking our guts out). With regular tension headaches, for most people you can take the advil/Tylenol etc whenever and you'll feel better.

TL;DL the difference between a migraine and a headache is the cause, and type of pain (one location vs all over, consistent vs gradually getting worse until it reaches its peak etc.), not how much it hurts.

Okay so I may have been struggling under a miscommunication issue

[unreadpoppy]

I’m gonna start tagging as like journey when I talk about stuff related to me and things I perceive about myself since I was diagnosed as autistic + ADHD. Anyways I want to talk about the senses. From I noticed in what bothers me about each sense.

Touch: I this one I don’t struggle a lot with, but I can depending on what it is.I don’t like being touched by strangers or having contact not initiated by me when I’m with people I don’t know that well, but I’m super okay and appreciate contact from people I’m close with (family and besties). When it comes to things considered more romantic (like kisses, or the usual hand on thigh, waist, etc) I will short wire, mostly because I’m not used to being touched that way, but it’s not something I don’t welcome (unless is if it is with someone I don’t like). Good thing is with those touches I am able to express like “hey tone it down” or “it’s fine if you touch me here”. Not the biggest fan of hand holding and for god’s sake do not touch my shoulders and specially, do not hold my neck. Seriously I have having ANYTHING close to my neck. I’m only welcoming necklaces on my life again cause now I can ask my mom to take the pingent and put it on a longer cord. Also even if I do like rings, I’m not much of a fan of wearing them and I don’t like bracelets (or even tying hair ties around my wrist). Earrings are the best. There’s a few texture I don’t like touching but they don’t bother me that much to be honest. Also hate the feeling of things on my face, which is why I don’t wear makeup, I don’t use my glasses as much as I should and why masks where a terror to me. If something on my face is bothering me, I’ll feel an uncontrollable “itch” on my forehead.

Taste: Definetly where I’m most sensitive. if I have a problem with texture, it’s definety with food. I can handle not so great but familiar tasting food but if the texture is off, I. just. Cant. Also foods that are too flavorful (idk how to explain this better) I can’t handle ( legit the reason I don’t eat pizza is because of the tomato sauce, it’s too strong for me). I can tell by just a small bite if I will like something or not, which is why I told my parents to not try and fool me by changing how they make my food because I will notice it.

Smell: Another sense that doesn’t interfere much. Usually a small needs to be really strong for me to feel like, so if you only sprayed perfume once, I likely won’t notice unless I get really close. Bad smells usually at easier for me to smell and they can make me real nauseous. Once I passed close to a small place that made crepes with Nutella in it and the smell was so strong and not to my liking that I legit got nauseous right away.

Sight: Really depends on the day. Some days the light is too bright and other it’s just fine, though walking in the sun without sunglasses often hurt (doesn’t help I got green eyes tbh). Mostly what can bother me is too much movement if I’m static. Like, just this year, the two times I remember getting sensory overload was when I was just standing normally and there was someone constantly moving next to me, it irritated me very quickly. Bright colors don’t bother me much. I do struggle sometimes with flashing lights and if there’s light when I’m trying to sleep. If I’m too tired, it won’t really matter, but if I’m just trying to fall asleep, I will like press something around my eyes so I can sleep (I used to have an eye mask but I lost it).

Sound: This one is slightly complicated. Loud noises don’t bother me like, like at all. So loud music in an open space, the continuous sound of heavy rajn and the sound of my AC or vent working don’t bother me. However, it’s the small continuous and non-rhythmic sounds that bother me. So water leaks are my terror, as well as cricket sounds. I can legit loose sleep if these types of sounds are around me and I will get frustrated and cry (which means that yes, the water leak falling in the bucket in my ceiling is driving me nuts. Good thing is that the sound of the AC is loud enough to cover it). Sudden loud noises, like a buzz going off, also bother me and I cannot have any sound going on if I’m trying to sleep, so putting music to sleep if a big no no to me. Seriously, it’s like I’ll close my eyes and I’ll even feel relaxed but as long as the music plays, I feel like I can’t actually fall asleep (it has happened on rate occasions where I was sleep deprived and other sounds were bothering me). Also I hate ASMR, it makes my skin crawl and makes me want to tear my skin away, seriously I hate it so much. Nowadays it doesn’t help much, but a few years ago, I listened to a lot of classical music while reading and it helped a lot with concentration.

[defencelessangel]

…

[maschotch]

ya know im not sure if youve commented on this before but you have such amazing thoughts about hotch, and i was wondering your feelings on like the fact that we never see hotch eat? i know we hardly see the team do that either but theyll have takeout in front of them while he has none, we’ve seen him turn down food, sometimes even they all have coffees except him! im sure a lot of it goes back to him kinda barelling forward and thinking that him taking care of himself would be second to solving a case, but i was just wondering if you had thoughts! -lesbianhotch

ok ive tried writing this out like three times but i cant quite figure out how to explain it. i think hotch recognizes the importance of taking care of himself: he cant help others if he’s not in good health. so i think at the very least he does the bare minimum to keep himself functioning. but i don’t think it’s an activity he thinks about very often. there’s always something more important at hand—he doesn’t have the time to cook and enjoy a proper meal when there’s work to be done.

not that he can’t. he knows good food when he has it, and he’s even capable of cooking a couple recipes he’s picked up over the years. and there’s something satisfying about making a meal for someone, so he does like cooking for others. but with himself.. it’s just not worth it? it’s not something he feels he has time for. he has better things to do than spend an hour cooking a meal for himself when he can just eat something quick and easy. oatmeal’s a staple for breakfast, he has sandwich supplies on hand, maybe he’ll snack on some seasonal fruit if it looks good, but he feels no need to put more energy than necessary into the routine matter of fueling his body. he eats sufficient calories per day and takes vitamin supplements to ensure he gets the nutrients he needs. no need to spare further thought on the matter.

on a case i think it’s a little different. his appetite can be finicky, moreso when he’s concentrating on solving a problem. yes, part of it is prioritizing the case over his wellbeing, but that’s not all of it. his stomach gets tight and knotted when he’s working a case—especially if there’s a life on the line. he’s not quite nauseous, he just.. doesnt get hungry, which is why he’ll usually turn down food if the team orders something. as unhealthy as it is, i think his body’s grown accustomed to going long periods of time without eating. if he feels weak or weary he’ll grab a granola bar or get a quick bite to eat, but he hates wasting time like that. he prefers to funnel all his attention onto the task at hand and saving as many lives as possible. he cant afford the distraction of eating throughout the day.

this really is just one take on it. there’s a lot of ways to interpret his behavior and explain why he doesn’t seem to eat. there are just a couple things i like to keep consistent no matter how i look at it: hotch knows it’s better for everyone if he takes care of himself, he’s more likely to eat around others, but he rarely eats when they’re working a case. i like to extend his normcore vibe to his diet.. for the most part he eats very plain foods, but thats more out of convenience than anything. i think he enjoys different types of cuisine, he just doesnt allow himself the luxury very frequently.

[camslightstories]

Tolerate it - Part 4

Notes: Here is the part everyone waited for. I have been receiving so much love from you guys, and I don't know how to thank you. You guys are completely utterly amazing, and I cant wait to give you guys more of this story. I think i can write part 5 in a day, idk, but I will try my best for you guys. 

Thank you so much for your love, it means the world to me. I receive any type of feedback, comments or request, I posted a prompt list so you guys can have a little idea for your request but if it is your own then I have no problem writing it.

Thank you again for reading, I hope you like it.

Lena Luthor x reader, Kara Danvers x reader, Alex Danvers x reader. Baby Danvers.

24 hours before

The raindrops overwhelmed the streets of National City. The overwhelming sound of the rain falling was heard all around the city. The way the cold breeze moved the trees. The light of the posts illuminating the city during the cold and rainy night.

You were happily cleaning the decoration table, as you hummed to the melody that has been in your head the whole day. JJ, your boss came walking laughing when she saw your mood. “Why is my favorite pastry chef so happy may I ask” 

“First of all, I'm your only chef, and well like you know I finally cracked it. The lemon pie cake recipe, Lena loves so much. It was a success boss I made four cakes and they are all gone, third I got Lena's favorite flowers and favorite pastry, fourth I don't know, I think that is it” You stopped cleaning before showing her the flowers you had gotten earlier that day, and then the other box with the cake while smiling widely.

The blonde looked at you before sighing, you had worked with her for 5 years now, and she had seen you in the past with Barry and now Lena. She cared about you in her own way, you were her principal chef and somehow you became her friend. The blonde said as she closed the register walking to get her things.“Never change, Danvers.”.

You nodded and kept cleaning and organizing your workspace. Lena never leaves your mind, you knew you had to talk to your sisters and your girlfriend soon because it had been two weeks since the school decided to fire you since they found a better fitting music teacher.

The fact that you worked your ass off in the school, so the children could have the best of you, wasn't enough for them, and it hurt you. What other things have you done, are doing, or will do that are not going to be enough?

Like the time you worked on a project for 6 months straight, not taking care of yourself, working in three jobs, going out of line to make sure the movie sample was perfect. Trying to achieve your dreams, only for the executive director to call you one morning to tell you, they had found some else, someone better. 

It scared you to think about the fact that Lena may find someone else, you knew she deserved everything she wanted and needed it, she deserves someone who was smart, stable, powerful, someone strong who can give her anything, someone without trust or abandonment issues, someone perfect for her, and you had a long way to be that person for her. 

But every time she had seen your insecurities, she had come and reassured you every single thing, she had made your insecurities go away. She had made you feel worthy and perfect for her. But your insecurities had always been a part of you and somehow Lena worked in every step of the way with you.

Your boos whistle pulling out of your thoughts, before making you look up as she threw the store keys for you to close before she concluded “You are way too deep kid”

You murmured as you looked at the raindrops. “How could I not? she is my everything”

The rain covered you completely as you rode your bicycle, the coat on your basket covering the pastries boxes and the flowers. The way your cold shirt cling to you, and your socks getting wetter every time you passed through a puddle. Your soaked hair taking over parts of your face, as you felt the cold breeze hit your face, your breathing became stronger when you started to feel the freezing temperature.

Before entering the lobby of the large building, you tried to get rid of the extra water from your clothing, but it seems impossible. Grabbing the things you entered and smiled when you felt the warm temperature. You watched the clock and noticed the time it was 8:35 PM, meaning it took you over 10minutes to get there. 

Mr. Simmons, the doorkeeper of the penthouse chuckled at you, you were too stubborn to take a taxi or let Lena’s driver, Mr. Smith, to drive you even when it is dangerous outside, you had always preferred to ride your bike. 

After Jeremiah, your dad died, and you felt your world crashing down, you didn't want help. You kept quiet about your feelings, trying to comfort your loved ones, every time you felt you need space to open up alone, you rode your bicycle to the beach and sat for hours thinking, and crying. After a time your bike was the only way you went to places alone, it was the way you remember it was okay to be alone and to be hurting as long as the ones you love are okay and happy.

“Ms. Danvers, good evening,” The man said as he called the elevator for you.

You rolled your eyes at your name, before speaking “Good evening Simmons, we have talked about this call me Y/N, we have known each other for 3 years” 

The old man responded as he chuckled, maintaining the elevator open for you.“Yes miss-...Y/N, I hope you don't get sick”

You mention as you walked inside, giving him boxes with various types of cheesecakes smiling.“I hope so too, Simmons. Here this is for you ” 

“Thank you Y/N, have a great night,” The man said waving at you.

You yelled when the door began to close, the old man nodded and smiled at you. “You are welcome! good night and say hi to your family for me”

Each floor of the building was elegant, classy, and minimalist. The soft LED lights on the top and bottom corners of the corridors, the way the blue and gray color made pop up the white vintage doors. 

You took the key chain out of your pocket, putting the security code in, waiting for the green light meaning you could put the key card in. The keychain was simple, it had the keycard and a polaroid photo of you and Lena, the day you moved in. Lena was laughing at something and you were looking at her as if she had brought down the moon for you. 

You entered with difficulty at the apartment trying to not let anything fall as you spoke before you stopped completely when you saw your girlfriend in one of the bar stools drinking wine.“Baby, I'm home! Sorry it took me a while but it was raining and I tried my best on the bicycle, nut that is not important, what is important in that I have something for you, you are not going to believe me when I tell you that after 3 years of dating you and knowing your favorite cake, I cracked the recipe- ”

You didn't even think about anything else, you immediately turned to her side, putting all of the things on the kitchen aisle, as you asked worriedly while checking her for any types of injuries.“Lee? Are you okay? Are you hurt? Did something happen? Do you want me to take you to the hospital? Do you want anything?-”

“I need to tell you something” Your girlfriend interrupted with a tone, you swear you have never heard from her. It was cold but at the same time vulnerable. She glances at the wine glass, not looking at you.

Pain and worries flashed through your eyes when you felt the sudden change of attitude. You felt the wall she had put between you guys when you entered the apartment, no greeting, kiss, or hug. It felt like you were nobody. That morning everything was perfect. Why is this happening now? Why the sudden change?.

You started to say before stopping, taking her in. She was not okay and she needs you now. It didn't matter if you would wake up tomorrow sick, what matter was that Lena was okay.“Lee do you mind if i- you know what that doesn't matter, you are first.”

You quickly went to one of the bar stools and sat down facing Lena. You went to grab her hands, and she quickly put them away from you. There was the moment you knew the hurt in your eyes could be seen by everyone.

You cleared your throat, shaking away the tears that were overwhelming your eyes before speaking, as carefully and softly as possible.“What's up? What did you want to tell me, Lena?”

“Kara told me she loves me” After a few seconds of silence, she took another sip of her glass before admitting.

Your stomach drops. Your throat was caught. You stopped breathing. You felt the world fall down on you. You saw how every piece of the future you had imagined left in the late nights. You knew what was going to happen, just because you studied film doesn't mean you can't solve a simple riddle. You knew the other shoe was going to drop.

You whispered incoherently, still not being able to think or speak “Ohh- i...I didn't- Ummm”

When Lena cleared her throat and her glance and yours connected waiting for an answer. You whispered softly not figuring out what to say “I didn't know”

The silence overwhelmed you. You felt your chest tighten. Your sense of cold and wet clothes in yourself became uncomfortable. The smell of the wine made you nauseous. The way you felt your mouth to go dry. Your eyes blinked away the tears, but the hurt in them couldn't go away. Your hands closing tingly almost cutting blood with your nails. You knew you had lost her, but did you lose her if you never really had her.

“Can you say something?” Lena said with anxiety in her voice, you could see her walls slowly coming down. 

You pulled away from her glance, painfully looking around the apartment not wanting for her to see the pain in your eyes. As your eyes ranked around the apartment memories of the two of you came running through your head as you responded quietly, pained and hesitant of the answer ”Do you...?”

You went, you heard her sigh again, you knew everything was over. You closed your eyes hoping it was all a nightmare, that this wasn't happening, that Lena loved you, and that she wanted to be with you, not someone else, someone better.“Somehow, deep down I felt the same, and that came crashing down”

When the words finally fell out of her lips, all you felt was pain and emptiness. There wasn't anything else but it. You knew you had lost everything, your light, your heart, your world. Right there you had empathized with Kara’s feelings after leaving Krypton. 

You kept your eyes closed, putting yourself together knowing that if you did or said the wrong thing, Kara and Lena would not be happy. And how selfish of you could be, to make two of your favorite people in the world to hurt. You wouldn't do that, to anyone less to your sister and the love of your life.

You knew Kara was better for her, Kara had a stable job, a great personality, a status that can be compared to Lena’s, She had superpowers, she is Supergirl, She was out of this world literally. For Rao’s sake how could she not want her instead of you, she was perfect.

You who was only a 24-year-old woman. You who studied film school but weren't good enough to get a job in your field. You who played soccer and basketball in high school but weren't good enough to make it to college. You who could barely survive in National City with two jobs. You who the school fired because you weren't a good enough music teacher. You who worked at a bakery as the pastry chef. You with trust and abandonment issues. You who had some much baggage because of your past relationships. You who were scared of the dark as a grown woman. You with self-esteem issues.You who were broken. 

You wouldn't be good enough for anything and less Lena Luthor, the good Luthor, a genius, the CEO of one of the most important companies in the world. How could you ever be enough for her?

You took a deep breath before opening your eyes, to see the two eyes you felt more in love with every day staring at you, waiting for your reaction. Lena had thought she was subtle but you saw the fear in her eyes, as tears overwhelmed them. There was the border, you would never want Lena to cry, or Lena to be other than happy and okay. 

You whispered as you slowly got up from the stool putting it back, taking her in, one last time. The weight of the world in your shoulders as you did. “Okay” 

Your eyes examined her hair, as you remember how many times you had comfortably run your hand through her hair after a long day. You saw her nose and remembered how many times you had softly leaned in, sharing an Eskimo kiss. You looked at her eyebrows as you remembered every time she had raised them, when you did something childish funny, before laughing with you. Her cheeks made you remember every time you would make her laugh as the dimples came out. Her lips remained you of every kiss, every time she would ground you with only one breath when you were panicking.

“You know, you two deserve the whole universe, and I know Kara will give it to you, as you will do with her. I know she will give you everything I couldn't, and that she is the better option. I mean we are talking about Kara, she is perfect. What isn't it to love?”Lena was perfect for you, but you knew you had to let go, for her and Kara to be happy. You concluded before walking to the door not bothering to take any of your belongings.

Lena watched you as you walked away in silence, her glance burning in the back of your neck. It was a second before grabbing the doorknob, with tears threatening to come out and a hitched breath you spoke with a sad smile.“You deserved all the happiness in the world, I will come for my things tomorrow morning, I wish you the very best Miss. Luthor”

The moment you closed the door, the world came down on you. Everything was gone. You didn't know what was going to happen to you, you knew you wouldn't go to Alex and any less Kara. You couldn't blame your sister, it was Lena you were talking about. She was perfect, she was the person you fell in love with after 3 months of dating. And you couldn't blame Lena for not wanting Kara. She was royalty, she was perfect, she was the sun, and you were not.

You just knew you had to be okay...for them.

[pyonzzz]

weight/ed venting

if i had a dollar for every time i told someone i can see my ribs just by breathing too heavily as a way to discourage them wanting my body type, and they instead tell me im ideal, id be fucking rich.

its so hard to recover from childhood anorexia and current day disordered eating when everyone idealizes how your thighs cant touch unless you squat on your calves. its so hard to accept that youre unhealthily thin when people constantly tell you that you have the perfect shape.

"a little anemia cant be that bad right?" it is. what the fuck is wrong with you. im so anemic that the pills and supplements meant to help me end up making me sick because i cant process/digest them properly. my legs are weak because they go numb way too often. i cant even sit down comfortably half the time because i dont get enough blood flow. i cant stand up at all without getting dizzy even if im slow about it.

eating anything is a physical and mental challenge, even after all these years. ill go 12+ hours without eating and then ill only have a small snack like a slice of bread or a few pieces of salami. having a full meal is so hard because years and years of undereating has conditioned me into getting nauseous if i dare to eat a full meal. having a high metabolism has only made all of this worse.

theres so much more i could go into, but i think ive made my point.

stop glamourizing being thin. stop glamourizing being underweight. stop glamourizing suffering for stupid fucking standards. youre going to kill yourself doing that. im fighting for my life here. so many people are fighting to live after the effects of eating disorders.

why would you spit in our faces just for your own ego.

[you-did-well-moon]

Day6 reaction to s/o getting jealous when a idol flirts with them

Type: Fluff angst if you squint really hard like you’re trying to see something millions of miles away but you don't have to squint that hard in wonpils

Word count: 3373

A/n: My first Day6 request how are you MyDays? Happy to see you here lol. I hope you’re all doing okay cause zombie literally bought me to tears. Anyways I cant lie I got excited when I got this request because it’s fun. I’m letting you know right now I love every girl om this reaction. Don’t be afraid to talk to me - Moon

TW: insecurities, a little suggestive with Young k, unrealistic depiction of female idols. 

Sungjin

You had been waiting for Sungjin to come back from getting his guitar case from where he had left in another room in the JYP building. You guys were going to go on a cute little café date that you surprisingly didn't have to beg for. You had thought he would suggest somewhere else since Wonpil had wanted to go to the same place with him, but he had shut him down saying Cafes weren't really his scene. 

You decided to get all his stuff so you could leave quickly, putting it carefully in your bag and placing his beanie on your head with a soft laugh. You were going to open the door of the practice room when you heard two voices conversing just outside the room. You tilted your head when you recognized Sungjin’s voice putting your ear against the wood of the door. You felt your chest tighten when you heard a soft female voice loudly laughing.

You heard the girl giggle and compliment his singing. With shaking hands you tiptoed to look through the little window the door had silently gasping when you saw her hand drift down his arm. You recognized Nayeon from Twice, one of the prettiest girls from one of the most popular girl groups. Her eyes drifted to your eyes peeking from the ledge of the window making direct eye contact when she softly took Sungjin’s hand and asked him if he could give her guitar lessons. 

Her eyes then came back to Sungjin, wide and faux in innocence as she slowly blinked at him. Feeling nauseous you couldn't take anymore of the scene stumbling to the other side of the room. You needed to get away or else you felt like you'd burst through that door and smack her for even having the audacity to touch your boyfriend like that. You didn't get to see Sungjin awkwardly pull his hand away telling her he needed to go. 

He walked into the room meeting your uneasy smile with a bright one, eyes crinkling when he saw his beanie playfully pulling it down so it covered your eyes fondly letting his finger drift to your cheekbone before taking your hand. Even the cute atmosphere of the café didn't manage to cheer you up. Sungjin immediately noticed your mood leaning towards you when he gently asked what was wrong. Not being able to make eye contact you’d ask him if he was going to give Nayeon the guitar lessons she asked for. 

He quickly understood what this was about, almost scoffing at the absurdity of it. He would be silent in the car ride home. Getting to the dorms and he’d pull you to sit down on his bed facing each other and knees touching. He would not allow you to break eye contact when he leaned his forehead against yours nose gently nudging yours as he grasped your hands in his.

“Y/n, love, from now on, I want you to stop tormenting and making yourself unnecessarily suffer like that. What you're feeling and thinking right now is completely wasteful because no matter what, no woman will ever occupy as much space in my heart as you do, no woman can make me feel the way you do. Have trust in me y/n, please.

Sungjin will not hesitate to shut down whatever jealousy you had. He will be blunt and honest with you while still being loving and romantic with you. To be honest, Sungjin thinks it’s stupid you even feel this way, but he wont tell you that.

Jae

Your stomach hurt from having to hold in your laughter curling up in your seat behind the camera, and you had to stifle your laughter with a hand clasped to your mouth. You struggled to catch your breath as a small tear slipped out from the corner of your eye. You had been texting with Jae when he told you he hadn't eaten yet, so you being the kind and supporting girlfriend you were, you had bought food for Jae and everyone in Hwaiting choosing to stay and wait for the recording to finish, so you could go home with Jae. 

You hadn't really watched any of the other episodes, so you weren't prepared for the chaos that ensued when going through the games. You could see Jae’s eyes finding their way to your figure, not being able to stop himself from smiling when he saw you laughing. He smiled brighter when you laughed in response to something he had done. He just loved your laugh too much. It did weird things to his chest, and it made his heart feel light.

 The recording finished and the show was wrapped up. You clapped lightly saying words of encouragement to everyone with Matthew bringing you into a headlock. You presented them with the food you had bought, a smile making its way onto your face when they all cheered. There was a table everyone could sit at, and you were going to sit next to Jae, but Jamie was able to slide in before you could. You shrugged it off knowing they were close friends, simply taking the seat across from him with a confused smile.

 You didn't mind their friendship at all. You had come into Jae’s life after years of them being friends, but as you watched her interact with Jae you couldn't stop the bitter feeling on your tongue. You saw her hitting Jae in the way a child does when they have a crush on someone else, pushing his fork so the food hit his chin and laughing when he complained.

She kept on childishly flirting with him right in front of you. She asked him to go to a new noodle place with her, and told him to reschedule when Jae said he had a date with you on that day which Jae outright refused. You felt like you were about to throw your food at her, so you excused yourself saying you weren't feeling too well. Jae stood up also saying he wanted to leave with you. You were upset, and you let it out on him. When he tried touching you, you pushed him away. 

He started asking you what was wrong poking at you and tugging at your arm to which you eventually snapped telling him to go to that stupid noodle place with his friend that didn't seem to understand what a friend was. Jae would be shocked, staring at you with wide eyes before laughing loudly, bending over and clutching his stomach as if he had just heard the funniest thing. Right there in the hallway of this entertainment company, one of Jae’s hands would rest on your shoulder pulling you so that your body was against his, and the other hand would take your chin making you look at him.

“You really think- I can’t go one hour without thinking of you y/n are you crazy? Like did you eat those weird candies Wonpil likes because how could you ever think I’m not constantly wanting to go home so that I can see you. You! No one else! There is nothing on this stupid planet that could ever make me love you less than I do. Not even when you drool in the morning”

The fact that you were jealous would make Jae laugh because him? Paying any kind of attention to any female? that wasn't you? and didn't have your smile or eyes that he loved so much? hah, what a joke.

Young K

When he had first told you that he would be collaborating with a female idol, you had been perfectly fine with it, excited for him even. Even when he told you it would be Sunmi he would be spending hours with, one of the most beautiful and creative idols in the industry, you shrugged your shoulders wishing him luck and telling him to remember to eat. You trusted Younghyun, and you trusted Sunmi to act respectfully since your relationship had been revealed to the public a long time ago. 

You hadn't had the chance to meet her seeing as you were busy with your own work. One day, Younghyun sent you a text message asking if you could bring his notebook to the studio seeing as he had written down some ideas he had for the song, and you agreed even offering to bring them snacks. He then responded with “You’re the only snack I need ;)” which you ignored going to the convenience store and buying as many snacks as you could. In your giddiness to see your boyfriend, you forgot to knock opening the door right away.

 What you saw made you realize that trust should not be given out freely. You couldn't really hear around the angry haze forming in your mind, but you heard Younghyun talking about the song. You saw her hand placed on his jean clad knee, thumb rubbing the skin exposed by a rip in the cloth, and her hand twirling one of his hoodie strings around her manicured fingers. Younghyun didn't even notice her actions, attention solely placed on the screen in front of him. 

You were just about to go and slap her hands away when he noticed you in the doorway, eyes lighting up as he hurriedly stood up greeting you with a chaste kiss and a hand tenderly running through your hair. You could only manage a weak smile in his direction feeling the other female’ s glare aimed at you. You nervously tugged at your ear asking him to talk outside, chest easing up when he immediately agreed. You quickly shut the door not even bothering to talk to the girl in the chair. 

 You stiffly gave him his notebook and the bag of snacks not being able to look him in the eyes. He was confused at your closed off attitude deciding he would talk about it to you in private where you could tell him in the comfort of your own home. Pressing his lips gently to your forehead, he whispered a “bye” against your skin before turning to go back into the studio. 

He was stopped by a hand tugging at his sleeve, and when he turned back around, you would ask him not to go back into the room because if you saw her make one more move on him you weren't sure you could hold yourself back swinging at her. You really wouldn't be able to finish your sentence before you were pushed back into the wall with his mouth desperately seeking yours. After maybe 5 15 minutes, he would lean back heavily breathing and cradling your face in his hands looking at you with sincere eyes.

“I belong to you and no one else. My heart and soul are all yours babe. You are on my mind every single minute you’re not with me. You think I care about other women? That's cute. There is absolutely no way I could ever think of waking up next to anyone else or falling asleep with anyone else by my side. 

I’m sorry but I believe Younghyun will be one to take your jealousy that route. He’ll think it’s cute . Actually, he'll find your jealousy kind of hot which he wouldn't dare tell you in fear of sleeping on the couch. 

Wonpil

You had actually been away from Korea to go visit your family members. While you felt happy to see your family, you missed Wonpil so much you asked him to send you voicemails talking about random stuff that had happened to him during the day. Even with all the texts and calls, you still depended on those voice mails like they were your lifeline. You just missed his voice...and his laugh...and his touch. You missed him a lot. Your family even teased you about it, noticing your bright smile when you heard from him and calling you “whipped” which you didn't even try denying. 

You had been playing with your younger cousins when you got a call from Jae. As soon as you answered him you had to put the phone away from your ear because he started screeching at you about leaving because ever since you left Wonpil had been all mopey and sulky. He had even tried cuddling Jae which Jae took great offense to. That was all you could catch before his screaming became unintelligible.

You heard a slight scuffling on the other side of the room before you heard Sungjin’s calm voice telling you they would be performing at a music show the day you got back. His voice got slightly nervous when he asked you to surprise Wonpil and if you were up to it because he had been down in the dumps lately. You agreed reassuring him you felt energized just by the chance of being able to see Wonpil earlier.

Getting out of the airport and you stopped quickly at your apartment to drop off all your suitcases and bags, and you slipped on one of his sweatshirts you had stolen from him not being able to stop a feeling of warmth in your chest feeling the soft fabric against your skin. Arriving at the venue and you greeted all the members with a big smile asking them where Wonpil was. They nervously looked at each other before pointing at one of the rooms simply telling you he was practicing. Entering the room would make you freeze in surprise because instead of just Wonpil behind the keyboard, Rose from Black Pink was next to him.

You saw his shoulders hunch up a clear sign he was nervous and feeling shy. She really had no shame. She made sure her shoulders and arms were pressed against his, and she giggled whenever their hands bumped. She had the nerve to rest her head on his shoulder while telling him how cute he was. You decided to intervene softly calling his name. Wonpil gasped at the sound of your voice immediately leaving Rose behind to crush you into a hug hiding his face in your neck. You could only smile meekly, one hand coming to wrap around his shoulders, and the other resting on the back of his head lightly massaging his scalp. With Wonpil not facing her direction, she gave you the dirtiest look she could. 

You asked her if she could give you guys some alone time to which she rolled her eyes huffing as she left the room. When Wonpil leaned back to look at you with a soft laugh and bright eyes, you couldn't meet him with the same enthusiasm. His eyebrows furrowed asking you what was wrong with a hand coming to brush the skin of your cheekbone. When you told him you didn't like the way Rose was acting with him, you could see the clear disappointment in his eyes. His mouth would down turn in a frown, and he looked at you through his eyelashes as his hands dropped from your body.

“Why would you feel this way? Have I not shown you I love you enough? Have I not told you I love you enough. Have I not given you reason to have faith in our relationship? What did I do to make you think that I care about anyone else when I have you, you who are my everything. Do you not trust me? 

Wonpil would be sad because Wonpil is someone who needs a stable and trusting relationship. He would be disappointed because he would think you don't trust him. He would be a bit distant from you for a little bit.

Dowoon

The day had been full of laughter. You and Dowoon had gone out to eat for breakfast. It had been a few days since you really had the time to spend and enjoy time with each other. Every time you caught Dowoon staring at you while talking to him, he would giggle eyes crinkling before looking down at his food. You eventually stood up leaning across the table to look him in the eyes, and he covered your eyes with one hand chuckling lowly and telling you to stop being so cute. He let his hand fall from your eyes to cradle your cheek brushing your hair away from your eyes gently. 

You couldn't help but to lean into your touch, your bright eyes meeting his tender ones. You guys decided to go out for a walk around the area where the restaurant was. There was a supermarket with a claw machine where Dowoon wanted to win you a cute plush, but the machine was one of the rigged ones. After the 17th time of Dowoon hitting his head on the glass of the cursed machine, you tugged at his sleeve whining that you wanted to take a walk at the park near the supermarket since the weather was so nice. 

You smiled and laughed as the sun basked you in its warmth. Dowoon had to stop you from going and petting every dog with a hand around your shoulders distracting you by letting a finger slip under the collar of your shirt and rubbing the skin between your neck and shoulder. You saw a little boy walking a large dog almost his size, and the dog was so gentle with the kid walking slowly as to not overwhelm the boy’s shorter clumsy legs. You stopped and put a hand on Dowoon’s shoulder whispering a soft “please” to which he immediately let go of you with a warm smile. 

You excitedly ran ahead gently greeting the boy and asking what his dog’s name was. Dowoon watched you happily bend down to pet the dog when the child gave you permission with a certain kind of breathlessness racking through his body. You didn't notice his ears tint red when you turned around to brightly smile at him. He was so mesmerized by the sight of you he didn't notice his name called until a hand came to rest on his bicep.

He turned around only to stumble back and bow to who he recognized as Chung Ha. She laughed lightly, her hand coming back to rest on his arm telling him he didn't have to be so formal. She kept complimenting him which made him squirm because she wasn't you. He was getting nervous, and when he got nervous his face got red. You stood up telling the boy bye, and you turned around only for your smile to drop from your face quickly. You recognized the female idol, and you saw Dowoon’s red face which you confused for him being shy and flattered by whatever she was saying. You instantly went up to Dowoon’s side greeting the female with a tight lipped smile before telling her you and Dowoon had to get home before it got dark outside.

You saw the enjoyment in her eyes when she realized you were threatened by her. You tugged at Dowoon’s arm, eyes never breaking eye contact with her until you were far enough. Getting home and you would be silent not letting Dowoon touch you and ignoring him. You were passing by him on the couch when he grasped your hand asking what was up with you. You asked him if he liked the attention he got from Chung Ha with a cold tone. Dowoon tilted his head, tugging at your hand to make you sit on his lap. He looked down at you with a confused gaze. His hand cradled your jaw to make you look up to him.

“Why would I ever want anyone but you y/n? You who smiles as me even with all my flaws. Who never fails to make me happy just by being next to me. How could you ever think I could love someone else the way I love you. You y/n. My lovely y/n. You dummy.”

Dowoon would be so confused. Why would he want someone else that wasn't you. You were everything he wanted. That's why you guys were together. Why would he be as stupid as to ruin the beautiful thing you guys had?

[princessmyriad]

I wish i had my cat with me. I know shes gotten fat again, i hope shes happy. All the work my brother and i put into keeping her weigjt down and mother just lets her get chonky again. Shes like 17 shes allowed a snack break near the end ig but, just the amount of times ive got yelled at for keeping this fat cat and the fatty vet bills she came with and the mother just.. does the same, allows the cats shape to rounden. I miss her dearly.

I worry about my semi-legal fish and how much electricity he costs. Is he costing extra? Too much? Will i go over my cap for trying to keep a companion so i dont go stir crazy? Is the fish happy?

What do i do about my current companion? I love him dearly, he does not see me. Does not hear me. He wants to care but he does it all wrong and i still feel lonely. I need more from him, i dont know how to ask. Ive been rejected when i tried, im scared to stand up for my own interests again for fear that it wont work, it never does, nothing will change, it never does.

I want to kiss the boy from class. It feels like a betrayal to the one i love, though more than once i have been rudely reminded this is not an exclusive type of communication. My heart breaks when he sleeps with others. I cant bring myself to have sex with anyone, though i need it more than i get. Him turning to others has made my body disgusting, i dont want to be in it experiencing any sensations it experiences. Its ugly, tainted, depressed and angry. It doesnt look good in a flowey skirt like X, or a cute blazer like Y, or in warm cozy hippie vibes like Z. I will never be good enough.

And now im not good enough for myself. I want love, i want warmth, i dont want to be touched or looked at. I cant eat, it makes me nauseous, i cant sleep, theres too much time between my head hitting the pillow and actually being asleep that i have to just experience thoughts.

It seems unfair to drag the boy from class into my bullshit when i dont even know what i want or if i want more than a kiss.

Getting to class makes me so sore, a 20 minute walk shouldnt be so fucking hard, yet i feel like ariel walking on knives with every step and i arrive pained, sweaty, sore.

Im sorely hoping to be debt free by the end of the year but i keep having to ask to borrow grocerie money. Im incredibly grateful to those who do assist when i need it. I cant ask them always though, thats not fair to them.

Presently, i keep alive for the thought of providing the absolutely perfect christmas to our little, but i think like my mother before me i just wont have the money to make her day special.

There might be a family christmas this year. Maybe not, covid. Eiether way, i do not want to go. I dont want to have to buy gifts for and pretend to be okay around all those people who emotionally destroyed me last year. I will never not remember my granny telling me my dad doesnt love me when i look at her face.

Im thankful for this room, that its cheap and not my grandmothers place full of ghosts and unkind words. It surely is the biggest room ive ever had. Its so far away from everything, and its filled with strange people and trauma not love and warmth. Its filled with my tlstuff and things but none of them mean anything anymore, theyve been moved in so many boxes for so long theyre no longer ornamentss, just box fillers, meaningless things. Do i still love things? I wish i could buy a little treat without feeling like shit abt it. Maybe one day, i can buy a snack and an ornament at once.

I dont have permission to turn my own bedroom heater on when im cold. I need to learn to give myself permission to live, to do basic shit like turn on a light if its getting dim outside. I feel trapped, not in just this room but in my whole life. I have been looking for help. There fucking is none. I dont see it worth learning to allow myself to be, when i dont want to be. Im tired of suffering lmao, tired of trying to fix my shit alone. I cant do it, clearly i am not the fixer i need.

I want to tell people i need help. I want to tell dad about my system. He doesnt love me, he wont care. My brother doesnt acknowledge it, neither does my lover. It makes me want to die when ive put so much of myself out there to those rare two people who matter, and neither of them have asked about it, or talked about it. Ive introduced myself as other system members, only to be forcefully called Kitty again and any wishes i expressed steamrolled over. Its been cool to learn about my own brain this year, learn about the other people in it. But i wish someone outside of us would acknowledge it so i feel real and not crazy. It has not been fun learning about trauma. Fucking 9months old? That shits so heavy man.

How do i keep on keeping on

Asking for a friend. Or 11, in fact. We need to be ok, and were not. Im not okay.

Havent been for a very long time.

[skinnyghosttears]

April 13, 2021

2:10 am

Burned 500kcal. I wanted to burn 1000 but I feel so sick and I cant keep workout with this nausea. I feel like Im gonna vomit soon, I cant literally see or just think about any food without feeling worse so i really need to go to sleep. I planned tomorrow meals, Im under 400kcal and I'll try to burn at least 1000, but I want to try and skip lunch, telling mom I still dont feel good and I prefer just some tea. I should be really cool to stay lower than the plan. I checked the scale and the number was so disgusting.

I hope to sleep good.

12:57 pm

I struggled to fall asleep but this morning mom fell in my lie and I will skip lunch. I just get up, Im not sure I will exercise today since my brother will be at home all the time but I can walk at least. Yesterday I found spatzle at the store (ifk how many type of them exist but those have 157kcal x 100g so they are better than pasta) so Idk if I'll eat those or just some veggies. During the afternoon I want to try some chips (87kcal x 20g, the entire bag) but I'll wait, rn Im not hugry and if I will not crave them too much I will just eat them tomorrow. Yesterday I started my fast at 8:44pm, so I can do 20h for sure.

Im scared of the scale rn, I feel really bloated. I have a counter for my no-binge streak, yesterday I ate more but it was not a real binge, since I just picked fruit that I was not supposed to eat and added a piece of bread for my soup. I consider binging when I lost control so I think I will not reset the streak.

2:05 pm

Had my tea, it just made me feel nauseous again. I said to mom that maybe this is caused by me eating more that I planned but she took it "well" since anxiety already made me eat like nothing for a week some years ago. We have a lot of veggies at home so I can eat only them at dinner (at this point I want to avoid the chips) but I was thinking about no eating at dinner too, like, faking to eat a couple of bites and then said Im so nauseous again and just fast until tomorrow. If Im really hungry I can eat the veggies, Im just thinking about all the options.

Mom is going out so its time to walk!

4:12 pm

Burned 200kcal walking, mom sent a message asking how Im feeling and I told her I tried to eat a rice cake but the nausea still come back. At this point I can reach 40h with my fast, It will be over exactly for tomorrow lunch so... maybe...

Even if the nausea will go away I think I'll fake it until the weekend so I have an excuse for eat less.

6:01 pm

Thought about yesterday dinner and my stomach just sent another nausea wave, bitch wth. I talked with mom and she said that I should eat if and what I want, so I'll try to drink some tea for dinner and well, fake to try a biscuit. Tomorrow she's not be here for lunch so I can trick my brother too, so I can extend my fast until dinner if I want because for when she'll be back I'll just say I ate something, and then I'll eat veggies and one or two rice cakes for dinner. This sounds good. Later I'll go out for a walk with my dogs so I'll burn some calories again, and then after everyone went to sleep I can do the same.

8:08 pm

Mom told me that tomorrow she wants to go out for a couple of commissions and Im supposed to drive but uh, after over a day of fasting? Idk bro this looks like a mistake :') I'll try to find an excuse.

9:12 pm

Tricked everyone for dinner, I think I'll just reach lunch time tomorrow and then decide if I feel to continue the fast since I'm already tempted to stop. Wathever I'll decide, Im gonna cook some cucumbers and peppers in a pan an eat one or two rice cakes, or the rice cakes and some light cheese. I can fake a lunch without wasting food since no one will check in the fridge and no one eat rice cakes here, just me.

Maybe Im gonna walk later :')

10:23 pm

Stepped on the scale and holy shit. I hope its just water. I was doing good, its not possible that this is real weight. I just want to cry.

10:57 pm

Yook a long shower, Im incredibly bloated and I dont want to look ay myself.

It makes sense that maybe my body is holding water because im not eating at all? And I ate more than usual last time I did? Nvm dont mind me, Im just exausted and I want to sleep.

12:20 am

I cant sleep and I feel hungry and nauseous at the same time, wth...

[princessjungeun]

Take It Slow: Yeji x Reader

Request: Could you please do Yeji x Fem!Reader? The plot is about them living together and falling in love 🥺 Thank you :)

Your roommate and you have lived together for almost a year and you both have yet to actually interact with each other. All you knew about your roommate was her name, Hwang Yeji. Despite the fact that you two haven’t really ever talked, you knew she probably despised you.

“I don’t understand why you two don’t talk. Really she’s super nice and cute too.” Your best friend Jiwoo knew Yeji because unlike you, Jiwoo was a social butterfly. Everyone loves Jiwoo she’s like the human embodiment of happiness. You sneezed three times then said ���She doesn’t like me and you know it.” Jiwoo rolled her eyes and said “well you need to figure something out you two cant avoid each other forever. And go to the doctor you’re clearly sick” You responded “eventually we will. And it’s just allergies.”

When you woke up the next morning you realized it wasn’t just allergies. Your whole body ached, you were sweating even though you felt cold, and you had a wet cough. Forcing yourself out of bed you went to the kitchen to get water. You held yourself up against the wall so you didn’t fall over as you drank from your water bottle.

You heard a voice behind you “Hey are you ok?” You turned around and squinted, your eyes hurting from the amount of light in the room. You did your best to hold in a cough as you said “Y-yeah I’m fine just a little cold.” Yeji responded “are you sure?” You nodded but the second you tried to take a step you felt yourself falling.

Yeji quickly caught you, pulling you onto her back and walking you to your room. She placed you on the bed and felt your forehead, “you have a fever”. She ran to the bathroom and got some medicine before giving it to you with a glass of water. “Here take this.” You swallowed the cherry flavored liquid almost throwing it back up.

Your throat burned as you talked “Why are you doing this for me? I thought you hated me.” She responded with a soft smile “I want to. And I can’t hate someone like you.”

Never in the 10 months of living with Yeji have you actually seen her smile. Your heart fluttered at the sight. She was usually blank faced when she was around you, her narrow cat shaped eyes felt like they were burning holes into you. But this smiling Yeji was soft and warm, like a best friend almost. “You should get some rest y/n.” She pulled a blanket over you and walked out of your room, leaving the door open.

When you woke up you saw a boy scrolling through his phone sitting across from you. Immediately you looked around for Yeji, “she’s not here” the boy spoke up. You looked at him and tried to talk but your voice was gone, probably from all the coughing you did.

He could tell by the look on your face that you didn’t like him in your dorm. He calmly said “it’s ok she’ll be back. Oh and im her brother, Hyunjin.” You relaxed upon hearing him say that he was her brother, now knowing he wasn’t some creepy boy who broke into your dorm claiming to know Yeji.

“She sent me here to make sure you’d be ok while she’s in dance practice. I think she likes you, she talks about you a lot...” You stopped listening not believing anything he said. Closing your eyes you let him talk you back to sleep.

When you woke up again Yeji was back home, you could hear her humming in the kitchen. She walked into your room and saw you looking around silently. She ran the thermometer across your forehead and said “hmmm your fever still hasn’t broken and it’s been two days. I’m taking you to the hospital.” She helped you put on your shoes and a mask before putting you on her back and carrying you downstairs.

She drove you to the nearest hospital which was thirty minutes away. You honestly felt like you were dying. The motion of driving didn’t help making you feel nauseous and dizzy. Closing your eyes you tried your best to breathe calmly. You felt a hand on yours, her thumb caressing the back of your hand softly.

When she carried you into the hospital a few nurses immediately took you into a room to get checked out. Your eyes were closed but you could hear everything around you. The doctor asked Yeji all types of questions about you which she answered without issues. She knew everything from your birthday to your medicine allergies. You found this surprising because you’d never told her any of these things before.

“It seems that your girlfriend here has the common flu, we’ll get her an IV started with some fluids. As well as keeping her overnight for observation. She’ll be free to go in the morning.” The doctor told Yeji calmly and she nodded. Did he just say girlfriend? What did she tell him? But what you were most concerned about was the IV, you hated needles.

The doctor walked out to get a nurse for you leaving the two of you in the room. Yeji noticed your tensed body “what’s wrong?” She asked, her concern growing by the second. You responded “scared. Needles. No thank you.” Your voice still mostly gone but she was able to pick up what you said. She knew there was no other option, you needed this.

When the nurse came back she had the catheter in her hand ready to insert it in you. The nurse grabbed your hand and took the cap off the needle. The second you laid eyes on it you snatched your hand away and started crying. Everytime the nurse tried to gently get your hand you screamed and swatted at her.

“Wait wait wait stop!” Yeji waved her hands in front of the nurse. “Can you give us a second?” She asked sweetly. The nurse nodded and left the room. “Y/N you need this. I’ll hold your hand just relax.” You shook your head at her proposal. “What if you close your eyes and I hold you?” One again you shook your head.

The nurse came back in and told you she needed to get this done now because there were other patients. You nodded and held out your shaking hand, Yeji stood next to you, holding your head against her body. Before the nurse even got the needle out, you passed out.

When you woke up it was the next morning and Yeji was sitting next to your bed, holding your hand.  “You passed out then woke back up and fell asleep.” She told you laughing a little. A nurse came and had you sign papers so you could be discharged.

The car ride back to you and Yeji’s apartment was quiet. You decided to break the silence “so...girlfriend huh?” Yeji blushed and said “if i had no affiliation with you they wouldn’t have let me stay, it’s the first thing that came to mind.” You asked “we couldn’t have been sisters? Cousins?” She responded “not in the moment.”

You hesitated “well how about now?” She couldn’t take her eyes off the road but you could tell she wanted to look dead at you. Yeji stayed silent then asked “what do you mean..?” You told her “you know what I mean.” You laced her free hand with yours and she smiled. “Yeah...but take it slow.” You smiled wider and squeezed her hand lightly, “ok. We’ll take it slow.”