#cant even sit down
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I am being urged to get on medication but the thing about that is doctors love to put me on cocktails of multiple meds at once. the last time I was taking medicine I was literally on Lamictal, Risperdal, trazodone, Buspirone, and one other one, I always get it mixed up but I think it was seroquel. I think that's just too fucking much?? I don't think I'm THAT nuts??? and there's never any easing into it, I'm handed all of them at once and told to get started. and any objections or questions are dismissed. what's wrong with starting out with like one or two. and do I really need a fucking antipsychotic?
#i just hate the nature of psychiatrists too#theyre always so cold and obvs extremley jaded and hate their jobs#althiugh perhaps its bc i go the shitty sliding scale clinic thats so busy u have to make appts 9mo out and the waiting rooms are so full u#cant even sit down#medicate us so we can work and deal with our shitty poverty jobs without killing ourselves or someone else. got it#keep us numb and unfeeling so we lack even more energy to try and change anything#cant be angry abt ur situation if ur on a cocktail of meds keeping u unfeeling and foggy#the way so many goddamn ppl i know on anti-anxiety meds are only anxious abt work related things and only take their anxiety meds for work#literally makes me wanna kms thinking abt it
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I have what you're looking for. High quality. Befitting a man of my tastes. I have a room over on Divisadero, not too far a walk.
#iwtv#interview with the vampire#iwtv amc#daniel molloy#louis de pointe du lac#danlou#iwtvedit#tvedit#dailyflicks#*#dont know if i can articulate my thoughts well#but something about how daniel at first is so closed off from louis when he sits down near him#doesnt really want to talk at first but starts opening up pretty quickly#then louis is buying him a drink and it's easier to talk. mostly what he wants to talk about is his journalism work#because its so important to him. but when louis starts getting too personal (i know what you're here for danny) he starts backing off again#maybe some combo of shame for how quickly he felt attracted to louis and the flirting and the diminutive louis uses#the bartender uses it when asking if hes got money tonight. hes used to exchanging sex for things he needs but cant afford#above all it's like a sharp reminder of what louis wants & what daniel wants too even before the offer of drugs#and he's trying to hold onto the denial and excuses. it was a good place to score he did what he had to#sex with men has to be in exchange for something he can't just want it on its own#the lie he tells himself about himself#also these tags are getting long but i think you can see the moment louis decides he might not just fuck and kill this guy right away lmao
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Frame redrawn! Or whatever it's called 😭
First my wifeee 💜💜 she's so bigger body coded it's not funny grr lmao idk uhh her eye is pinker and obviously the ears, well, exist. Also eyepatch cuz... eyepatch. Yeah. She's my wife u guys... so real so fr fr 🗣🔥
Made him actually black 💀 I'm sorry it felt sooo wrong to give him his canon skin tone it disturbs me.... he has a tie cuz he would wear tie over bow I jst know it. Snout! Cuz deer. I'll probably change his ear placement like, give back his top ears and give him human ones buttt not sure... I hate drawing his hair it's so goofy brutha eugh
LOTTERALY ME U GUYS RARARAHAHEIIREM8S UHHHH idk why I gave her pure black pupils but like I will. Forever. I gave her snout too but like. In a more. Snout way. Yknow??? She's so goofy I love her smm we are the sam.e red cheek thinfs r pink now cuz I think it looks better idk. Goat ears. Cuz goat ears. She's so goat coded it hurts. Just. JUST MAKE HER GOAT RAAHHH
#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel vaggie#hazbin hotel alastor#hazbin hotel charlie#vaggie#alastor#charlie morningstar#hazbin#this isnt a redesign at all jat tbe way i lole to draw rhem 💜💜#art#fanart#artists on tumblr#digital art#chaggie#rainbowmoth#varlie#charlie x vaggie#vaggie x charlie#my best friend got me a bracelet that says charlie and i cant look it at wirhout squeeling 😭😭😭#shitrinf and scteaming im gonna explode /j#uhhhhh yah#i like alastor. hes jst sooo fucking cringy in rhe show.... ughhh.... “now to ahow everyobdy not to mess wirh rhe radio demon” 🤓🤓#like brutha sit down and shit urself nobody gives a flying diahrea abt ur gacha life ahh self lil bro 🙏#but other than that i love him even tho his breath stank 💜#hazbin alastor#hazbin chaggie#hazbin charlie#hazbin vaggie#hazbin vagatha#hazbin hotel vagatha
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Transcript:
Oh my gosh.
Thank you so much for- for meeting up with me.
Really- I'm really looking forward to- to this evening. I haven't been able to get out a lot lately.
Been, well hah you know how it is. So busy.
Yeah... But you know it's just nice to spend time with people um, and go out and do stuff, ya know?
I mean there's a whole city here, but works been kinda tight um, so I don't- so I don't have a lot of money. So you can buy tonight, right?
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Audio Source
#gabriel ultrakill#ultrakill#he sounds so gay here i cant stand it (positive)#yes of course anything for you sweetie even my entire savings account <- down horrendously#he doesn't have any pockets you should have known he has no money#you fell for his trick#he doesn't even eat he just sits there and complains the whole time (trust me)#I tried my best to get rid of the background music but theres only so much i can do lol
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Fernando Chair Lore: 2013 edition(no lore, just pics haha):
#100% normal not derangement post what are you talking about!!!#you guys: 'wow she really likes this chair huh....'#itll all come full circle i swear to you#but also just like this is a comp post i really feel passionate abt CAUSE HE LOOKS SO GOOD OKAY#like....theres 30 pics...i cant even BEGIN to comment#so just let me know your fav yknowwwwwwww#or just join me in appreciating these fine photos#i want to be the ferrari photographer who was just lurking in the garage waiting for nando to sit down#anyways 5th one down on the leftmost side...i hope you know what my thoughts about that one are....#these pics have incredible range: brooding...puppy cute...super villian sexy mastermind...#bro is COZYYYY#also these are just from getty. im sure theres more but i wasnt ready to get into alladat. it was a lot already#fernando alonso#f1#formula one#formula 1#we do a little bit of f1#fa14
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Bonus art doodles I forgot to post yesterday
#2001 a space odyssey#i have no mouth and i must scream#ihnmaims#hal 9000#ted ihnmaims#am ihnmaims#<- even if these two are real smol#puffy art#traditional art#fanart#i cant wait to be able to post more about my silly ihnmaims au#i need to sit down and make some introduction drawings for it#but gonna finish goji comic first#i kinda have 2 ihnmaims aus and one of them even has a comic now that i started on impulse#but im quite proud bc it has no script and i barely ever draw humans and i quite like how ted looks in it#might share it maybe if people are interested in seeing more au comics lmao#anddd i have a cute 2001 aso idea and i needdddd to draw it but :((#little to no free time
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Whole gang's here :]
#first thing im able to actually sit down and draw in two months barring some color tests i did for talas and hades#if my kids are the thing that pulls me out of artblock again im gonna laugh sooo fucking hard dudes lmao#anyway god i love these guys so much. i really do#windyart#extinction#alex#riptide#c#danger#ethan#orion#its been SOOOO LONGGG since i drew danger too god damn but i love them so muhc too i missed em#tbh i missed all these guys a LOT you cant even imagine. the shame of the comic was just weighing so harshly on my shoulders#i think now if i accept im not gonna go back to it for my own wellbeing i actually can have fun with these guys again#also im trying to do diff things with the colors and textures on sketches!! i be experimanting 👍#not quite what i had in mind but its enough for now!#i may be emotional a little bit ough ough ough
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Hey do you think ya can explain Barnaby and his illusion smoke a bit? It seems really cool and I don't remember if ya talked about it in depth before
sure! this got a bit longer than i expected!
so i was thinking that Barnaby seems like more of a hands-off kinda guy when it comes to altercations. would rather sit back and make funny commentary! so if he Had to get involved, i imagine it would be from a distance and still in an Entertaining Way!
thus - illusion magic! for this au i've been picturing that he got his paws on some illusionary herb in his early teens. for making people laugh, you know! and help out with the farm - illusions could distract animals, convince them to move on to different pastures, calm the chickens for egg-collecting, etc!
Ms. Beagle didn't really approve, since smoking is harmful, but lucky for the both of them this particular plant doesn't deal as much damage when smoked as normal smoking materials would - like tobacco! something to do with the magic properties! so Barnaby mostly used it for chores (when his mama wasn't paying attention, ofc - it's still a bad habit in her eyes) and entertainment purposes.
how it works: on its own, it doesn't do much when burned. it's not like illusions will waft out of the pipe's bowl, or that sniffing it will give someone hallucinations. in order for it to work properly, the user has to inhale properly, form the Intent of what the illusion should be / look like / behave, then purposefully blow the smoke out with that thought firmly in mind. the reach of the smoke depends on the force of Intent, and the intensity depends on the amount inhaled. those that breathe it in / are surrounded by it will see hallucinations of whatever Barnaby - or whoever the user is - wants them to! it can be literally anything! whether or not the target is fooled depends entirely on the individual, but the herb is potent enough that most are convinced that what they "see" is real (auditory hallucinations only occur if the target breathes in the smoke)
upsides: this form of magic is great for distractions, cover, deescalation, and that kind of thing. if needed, Barnaby could stop a fight with one exhale! it's a pretty powerful trick! it also means that Barnaby has built up a tolerance to illusion magic over the years, so where most of the party would be tricked, Barnaby would be unfazed. the only one with total immunity to the form of magic is Wally!
downsides: if Barnaby uses too much in too short of a time, it will get to him. and since he breathes in the largest amount - undiluted at that - it can fuck him up! using it sparingly / using repeated small amounts doesn't do anything. the most it will do is make him feel slightly untethered, but he has an easy time ignoring it / shaking it off.
in mild cases of the magic getting to him, it's like a bad trip. his proprioception is messed with (basically he gets uncharacteristically clumsy & off-balance), he feels like he's falling, anxiety spikes, and his vision is just... off! there are blind spots (im talking actual blind spots, not spots of black), things are moving in ways that they shouldn't, he has mild auditory hallucinations. the others can help ground him by talking to him, touching him, and confirming what's real and what isn't.
in bad cases, it's like that but 10 times worse. on top of all of the previous symptoms being worsened, he gets extremely vivid hallucinations, and they're very often not fun! it's a simultaneous feeling of dying, going insane, and not knowing what the fuck is going on. Barnaby loses sense of where he is, who's where, what's happening. he can get lost in the hallucinations - he has no way to know that they aren't real. in these terrible trips, no one can really help him. they can't get through the hallucinations, and if they do, the magic morphs Barnaby's perception of them and they end up adding to the effects. honestly the best thing for him is to let him rest somewhere with as little sensory input as possible & leave him be until he starts to come down. physical contact does help, since Barnaby understands on an instinctive level that illusions can't touch him, but it doesn't help half as much as it does w/ the mild trips. and again, the presence of someone can make the hallucinations worse.
so! suffice to say! he doesn't like using the herb all that often, and it's why he Stays Out Of It unless absolutely needed. he has two pouches of the herb - one with the strong stuff, reserved for emergencies / one with just a tiny bit of it mixed in with Barnaby's own personal blend for recreational/everyday use. (he also has an emergency tobacco stash in his pack, but that's only for when he's completely out of his usual blend <3)
extra lil scribble that didn't make it into the lil doodle post... i broke his wrist...
#the undiluted one is the blue/purple/pink smoke#while the personal blend changes color depending on his mood#and the personal blend does Not cause illusions!#the herb is included in the blend for cosmetic effects - colorful smoke! - and it has calming affects#so its. yeah its rgb weed last person nailed it on the head#rambles from the bog#wh fantasy au#the other day i was thinking about howdy's first adventure with the neighborhood#and i was like 'ok situation where barnaby has to use a tad too much of the magic'#and i amused myself imagining howdy's shock and panic when barnaby - steady graceful barnaby#staggers a little. looks up at the trees/skies. goes 'oh no' and promptly stumbles and falls on his face. and then just does not get back u#he has to go get poppy to make sure he isnt hurt / also howdy would Not be able to half-drag barn back to camp on his own#that dog is dead weight and staggering all over the place - if they can even unstick his claws from where he's anchored himself#sometimes barnaby will feel the unpleasant trip Incoming and he'll just. lie down right there and then#facedown. gripping the grass like his life depends on it - and also whoever's closest#frank always leaps out of the way when barn starts to Sway bc he does not want to sacrifice his arm for a solid few hours#usually wally is the one to sit with him and happily get his arm bones squeezed into dust <3#a common thing is barnaby will be like 'the trees/sky is melting and the ground is turning inside-out'#what does that mean! no one knows! he cant explain it when he sobers up!
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I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI. I HATE AI.
#not dislike. its hate#it made me cry several times today#thinking of how my classmates manipulate our teachers#and chatgpt AIs can EVERYTHING#its so painful to think of it#today I broke down in the bus and cried#idc what people think. hiding my feelings any longer would destroy me from the inside#maybe youve also seen how people use freakin AIs in their exams#the thing is that:#we wrote an exam for which Ive studies for like 2 whole days#this week we finally got the exams back (w the grades ofc)#and ok Ive got a 3 (C in America syste#*m)#my friends who used chatgpt throughout the exam got way better grades (I didnt expect it otherwise)#PLUS#the most provocating messages from the teacher:#“10/10 POINTS :)” “YOURE ROCKING THIS” “YEAH”#💔#seriously#this breaks my heart#dont the teacher see something suspect in the exam?!#why cant they open their eyes and get modernized to reality.#& they KNOW- the students Im talking of. they usally have bad results.#once our teacher came to a chatgpt student and said the most miserable thing:#“youve been using duolingo a lot lately hm? thats where your nice grades come from 😉🥰”#you get it?#no- this peoson didnt learn.#no- this person isnt even interested in the stuff we learn in lessons#AWFUL feeling to hear the praisings of da teachers when *I* gotta sit among the gpt-students and look like Im a worse student than *them*#[writing this at almost 1 at night] still have some tears. this topic really has the power to destroy someones day. 💔💔
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i used to be good at art *punches a hole in the wall*
#particularly traditional but i only drew in school and i cant even sit down for more than 5 mins without getting fed up w it grrrrrr#i think my trad art is generally better than my digital art but i havent done it in so long i feel like#ive lost it *snaps pencil in half w my teeth*#not thw first time ive complained abt this wont be the last ill get over it and start over and then fine myself back in this same spot#as the cycle goes#kae.txt#edit: wait im buggin im still upset abt my trad art issue but like that falin i drew yesterday fuckin banged#i can draw actually
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i hate doing laundry ough it's The Worst
#not only does leaning down to move my stuff hurt my back#but i have to touch dirty clothes and go into the dirty room and touch the dirty machines and i have to wear 2 pairs of socks (so my#normal socks dont touch the contaminated floor) and when i lean over the washing machine my clothes touch it <-the worst part of it all#tbh. now my current clothes are dirty but i have nothing to change into and i will have to wear them all day and it makes me SICK#and i cannot talk abt how dirty the garage (where the laundry machines are) it makes me nauseous that place kills me if i never#had to go into it ever again i would and i have to carry a laundry basket (dirty) and it touches my clothes when i carry it (disgusting)#and now my clothes are even more dirty and i feel like i cant touch any of my things bc i dont want to infect them but i cant just do#nothing all day when i have to do laundry but it makes me so SICK i need smth to cover all of my clothes but everything i've tried misses#some part and my clothes are ruined and it makes me SICK how am i supposed to do school or draw or anything when it's so bad#i have everything scheduled so i can take a shower and go straight to bed after i'm done but still it's so bad and it stresses me tf out#and i have to do laundry every 3 days because i only have 3 towels to use after showering and even if i did have more towels#i still would have to do laundry as often bc i couldnt handle doing multiple loads or having bigger loads my back couldnt handle that#w the system i have set up now it's just bad it;s all bad i hate doing laundry#i dream of one day where i can do laundry in a better way i think it'd involve not having the washer and dryer down steps bc that's#dangerous for one and for two not having them in a garage bc garages stress me out and three to have smth to cover all of my clothes#and 4 to have machines that dont need me to bend down idk if they have ones like that but it hurts#anyway that's it for listening to dux complain abt smth that ultimately doesnt matter and is only a problem bc their brain#chemistry is off#k bye i have to go do laundry *explodes* and take an exam *explodes* it;s an essay exam *explodes* and then im going#to like sit around feeling sick thumbs up emoji
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having to paint leggings while they're on ur body is so. -_-
#i can't tell how well im doing 😭😭😭😭 im gonna take it off and its just. messy#and then i cant even take it off once its done cos it needs to dry. -_-#i will admit it looks cool so far. tho im scared to see#what happens once it dries and i need to start like. sitting down etc#god my back hurts. rip
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nngnngg nhhnnnggg hnnnggggg can't I just draw like that one person why is their art so good why are their ideas so good I'm literally seething from envyy gggrhhrrhdd
#i need to be locked uppppp#AAAAAAAAAA#im so jealous i cant be jealoussss auuurghhhhh i have to optimistic about my art i have to be nice AAAAAAAAA#i need to be ripped to shreds there i do not have enough resolve to sit down and work enough to make my art better#i can just seethe#everything i draw is not enough its never enough im never going to improve why am i like this ououuugh#i ised to draw so much i used to actually IMPROVE now i feel like im stagnating in the worst way im#im not even stagnating im getting worse and more lazy with my art and im not coming up with anything good either#sewer slide#rattling the bars of my cage#i need to be sent to the rock
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It's awful when I'm on the job and an elderly person asks me for help bending over/picking something up especially when they ask so nicely.. I haven't been able to find a polite way to refuse. It's hard being the designated young person when you're invisibly disabled
#wrenfea.exe#bc i don't really use mobility aids in the field other than my walking sticks#and i didnt have them today#usually my coworker steps in but he wasnt here today#my back is still pretty fucked up and i cant really bend over or lift things quite yet#its also the same thing with having to give your seat up on the bus#even though you need it bc everyone around you assumes you dont#had an old lady just stand and glare at me and didnt even say anything when i asked if she wanted the seat#when i tried to explain i need to sit she just stepped closer and stared down at me it was fucking weird#like the homer simpson meme#chronic disability#chronic pain#spoonie#fibromyalgia#disability#from the field#working while disabled#invisible disability
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dear @wheresurboytonighthelookslikeenj i have decided to add gavroche and azelma to the marius eponine friendship and have them all enjoy (some more than others) a lil studying/bookclub session 😌✨📚📖📔 Hope you enjoy too!! thank you for chosing such fun prompts for me to work on ☺️
Thank you also to the @drinkwithme-exchange mods who did a wonderful job moderating 💛
#drinkwithme2023
#les miserables#les mis#drinkwithme2023#wheresurboytonighthelookslikeenj#eponine#marius pontmercy#azelma#gavroche#my blergh#lm my blergh#this originally had a wider composition but i think the close and busy picture represents well how the thenardier siblings fill mariusˋ home#and make it feel lived in in a way that those old sitting rooms usually dont by the smount of space there is#gavroche is in absolute agony tho not boing able to hang outside for like 2 hours every week ahahah but he too will learn the joy of#getting absorbed by a fantastic story and not wanting to put the book down#also eponines oldest sibling energy 🙏🏻 i feel u girl. cant even chill with ur friends withiut worrsing about the little ones#portfolio
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You ever think about what's gonna happen when the Welcome Home website updates in December? Hopefully, at least for what I think, we'll get to see the fabled Julierella! Or any visual parts of the show in general. Probably something fit for the holiday spirit.
Maybe wondering about their relatives and loved ones living outside the neighborhood, and the fact that the residents haven't left to see them in some time.
Stuff like that! Maybe even some new recipes!
i try not to think about it or i'll become so nervoucited that i'll get nauseous
#the fact that its a psychological horror brings my excitement#from 'ohhhh i cant wait!!!'#to Im Genuinely Deeply Nervous AND Deeply Excited.#welcome home stresses me the fuck out but... in a good way? somehow???#still i dont wanna think about whats to come or my entire day will be lost to pacing & staring at a wall w/ a racing heart#it probably will be housewarming themed - if thats still the in-universe version of christmas for the neighborhood#but yeah! so stoked im anxious! yeehaw!#whatever happens im going to go absolutely fucking Feral#also theres an element of 'i cant even imagine. anything could happen. things will happen that ive never even considered'#rambles from the bog#yk actually a thought ive had#is if i start streaming. before the update#maybe... i could stream the update.#yk me and any of you who join checking it out for the first time and looking for secrets#could be fun! if! emphasis on if!!#could be nice. cause like... idk about you guys but i dont have irl friends to sit down and check it out with#the updates are fun but a little lonely for me! its just me in my room wishing i could share the First Time Excitement yk yk#just. something for me to consider aiming for!#oh my god i just realized ill probably be working#i swear to god if the update drops while im at work im just gonna quit and walk out the door#ohhhh now im nervous about that happening... heres hoping it wont...#lmao who am i kidding! given my luck's track record that absolutely Will happen
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