#cant eat cant sleep cant breathe without em..

[buckpaws]

sometimes she loves on him so hard that her battery starts yelling at her to lower her heart rate

[knyontop]

Hello! Hope you're having a good day! And I was wondering if the creepypastas could react to your death but if you're a child pasta? Like say it's from a bullet wound since the enemy defended themselves? Take your time:)

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ONG IM SO EXCITED FOR THISSS

Creepypasta x Child!reader.

Tw: gore, depression and stuff, starving, self sabotage, and other stuff.

Ft: Jeff the killer, Sally, Ticci toby, Ben drowned, Nina the killer, and our beautiful, amazing, handsome, reader.

Jeff:

・He doesn’t know what to say, he only feels anger. Rage.

・The rage of Jeff the killer is something I hope my worst enemy never experiences😭

・He will not sleep until he finds whoever killed you, he will go to the depths of hell to find them.

・He cant even think straight when looking for them the only thing he wants to do is kill.

・he starts to isolate himself from everything and everyone, he will just sit in his room or just go out and kill.

・he killings are much more brutal from the anger.

・taking all his anger and emotion out on his victims.

・cry laughing while he carves em’ up.

・he thought he would be happy if you just randomly disappeared or something but I guess not. ☹️

・He lost his some what friend and sibling.

・He will drink, and drink, and maybe drink some more and drink while killing.

・This just makes him less of human then he already was. He cant do it, he just cant.

・He still refuses to say he cares about you btw. (We all know the truth)

・”Damit kid… you dumbass. Why did you have to die?”

Ben:

・Life is all fun and games to him, playing pranks on people, killing people, torturing people, just the usual!

・This news just hits him like hes being drowned all over again. Hes panicking, feeling like he cant breathe, just losing it.

・Hes glitching all over the place, saying its not true, its not true. You cant be dead! NO YOU JUST CANT!

・Please come back.

・Please just come back.

・He doesn’t find video games fun anymore. He doesn’t annoy people like he used to. He gets more aggressive with his pranks.

・He like jeff takes his anger out on his victims, getting all his anger and frustration out.

・he just wants you back. Please. Come back. Come. Back. Now.

・Hes more glitchy and on edge now, you were like his dumb, little sibling.. but your gone now.

・He just doesn’t get why kids are always the ones who have to suffer, why did you have to die? Your just a kid. You shouldn’t have been dragged into this mess.

・”W-W-Why d-did you h-have to die… y-y-your just a k-k-kid im so sorry.”

Toby:

・oh, oh this poor boy. Hes already lost his older sister, imagine what this is like.

・The worse part is he was there when it happened, and he couldn’t protect you. He couldn’t protect you. HE COULD NOT PROTECT. YOU.

・He will never forgive himself this is like Lara all over again. He cant do this anymore.

・He will eat less and less, just sit in bed. Having random outbursts in the middle of the day, just breaking down absolutely losing it. But who can blame him? Everyone missed you.

・Toby just wished he could have died instead of you, its not fair.

・Hes mad at you, hes mad at himself, hes mad at everyone. Hes now more violent then ever. Hes easy to anger, just everything.

・Hes over here lashingout at everyone, even sally!

・oh and you have no idea how this has affected sally. Omg. 😭

Sally:

・oh this poor sweet baby :C

・She just cries, cries and cries and cries.

・You helped heed forget about all the bad, she had someone to care for and someone to care for her. But your gone now.. why?

・She just misses you so much, shes mad at the world for this. Shes mad at Slender and even Mr. Charlie!

・Sally is now more clingy then ever. She needs more attention and starts to get more “annoying” to everyone.

・visitsyour grave everyday to have tea partys with you, like old times yk? She cant go there without crying.

・She misses when you would brush her hair and tell her about your mission and how there head would go splat splat splat! The sound is so silly to her!

・Sally just wants you back! She wants her parents back, she wants everything back!

Nina:

・Nina is no longer her sadistic silly self.

・She doesn’t have anyone to rant to anymore, she doesn’t have anyone to practice shots on, she doesn’t have anyone to try make up looks on! Her little sibling is gone again! Just like she lost her little brother.

・She didn’t trust herself with you, she thought she would hurt you like she hurt her little brother. But you just ended up hurting her…

・Nina just like toby starts to pass on food, she literally loves food tho! But she just cant anymore…

・”You were my best friend and now.. and now your gone.”

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[missmeinyourbones]

TO LOVE IS TO BE LOVED (TOUYA x READER) 

part 6 of the series: to love is to…

"And what kind of madness is it, anyway, to be in love with something constitutionally unable of loving you back?

Are you sure—one would like to ask—that it cannot love you back?” 

- Bluets, Maggie Nelson

“We can’t keep doing this.”

The words are not new—to you or from him. Tonight, they cut through the silence that rocks you to sleep in the midnights of your bedroom.

Your phone read a blurry 2:41 AM when the familiar rhythmic knock on your window pulled you from your slumber. Touya crawled through the half-open sill with ease. No words were exchanged when he tracked his clunky boots across your home. Dirty and soiled with mud and guilt alike. 

The routine had unfolded as it usually does, seamlessly and like the back of your hand. Touya throws his shoes clumsily by your door and sits wordlessly as you pick and prod at the newer burns and cuts decorating his face. He doesn’t say anything when you reheat your dinner leftovers and put them on a plate in front of him. And you don't say anything when he goes to shower and you hear him emptying his stomach into the toilet. 

It's normal, it's your normal, and while it isn't ideal, it's him. You don't care how it is, you just care that it is. 

And now in bed, Touya utters ther recognizable words as he fights off sleep in a guilty haze. 

“We can’t keep doing this.”

After a moment of his words lingering in the open air, he feels your voice vibrate his side, “M’not having this conversation again. Go to sleep.”

“I can’t keep doing this to you,” he persists, voice devoid of any emotion though you know he feels anything but barren. 

With a sigh, your head is lifted from his side and finds its home resting on top of his torso. Your ear pressed against his stomach, you can hear his insides digesting what’s left inside of him. It's a bittersweet reminder that he’s alive; tangible and real according to all of your senses. 

“You’re not doing anything to me,” you gently remind him. 

“I’m ruining you,” he repeats the script he always finds himself reciting, “by letting you love me.”

When I know I’m gonna leave, he wants to scream. When I know I'm dying.

“Touya,” you breathe, and he winces. The name is new, to your lips and to his ears. “You don’t know anything,” your words seem to answer his thoughts.

“I know you probably deserve someone normal,” he spits out the word like it's venomous on his tongue. “Some bitch of a businessman with a 401k who can hold down the hot meal you make em’ without throwing it up.”

His eyes aren’t on you, but instead focus on the speckled drywall of your ceiling. He exhales and you watch the grey smoke slip from his mouth like a ghost, the cigarette in his hand held far away from you as he clicks the ash against your bed frame. 

“Deserve someone who doesn't show up at your window in the middle of the night all bloody and filthy. Someone who can at least pay you fuckin’ rent if they cant give you a place of their own.”

You hate the way he thinks about things. How he views this, the love for him you refuse to tuck beneath your pillow, as an exchange of goods or a favor you decide to spare him. 

You pluck the cigarette from his hand and press it against the edge of your window. Touya doesn't resist, but his eyes flicker to where the end of the stick glows red between your fingertips. 

“You’re always talking about what I deserve,” you note. “Have you ever wondered what I want?”

He pauses in thought.

“Don’t know why you’d want anything fuckin’ less than that when you—”

“I want,” you interrupt, “to love you, how I am right now.” 

Your hand finds his cheek and gently turns it to face you. 

“I want to hear you come in through the window on rainy nights and track your ugly boots through the hallway. And I want to clean up the mess the next morning. And I want to cook for you and watch you eat it because even though it’s short-lived, it still fills your stomach.” 

Touya feels the building of tears that can never come beneath his lashes as he watched your eyes scan his face with adoration. 

“Because it’s you, and it feels like you. And if this is how I’m able to get you, then I’ll take it ten times over.”

A kiss is placed on his lips; it tastes of ash and mint and love, and though he should know what the latter tastes like, he overwhelmingly does. 

“Because I want to,” you whisper with a smile, one that Touya can barely see through the dark but ignites him like the sun all the same. 

“You’re so fuckin’ weird,” he whispers into your mouth.

If anything, your smile grows. “Thank you.” 

Your head is returned to his chest with ease and he can’t help but scoff at the situation at hand. His hand finds refuge in your hair and its the softest thing he’s ever known. 

“There’s somethin’ seriously wrong with you.”

“Don’t care,” you retaliate with ease. He feels a kiss on the scarring of his chest before you speak up once more. 

“So just shut up,” kiss, “let me love you,’ kiss, “and go the fuck to sleep.” Kiss, kiss, kiss.

The lack of light in the room doesn't seem as intimidating as it was a few moments ago. If anything, it feels comforting. Like a blanket that can shield his childish blush and contrary scowl. 

“And if you hate the window so much,” your hushed voice is the last thing Touya hears that night, “just use the spare key next time.”

[scary-lasagna]

Imma be honest, I dont care for a lot of the more popular creepypasta characters, BUT. If you could write headcanons or something similar about Smile Dog acting like a normal hellhound, flipping between cute puppy and hellish monster just on a normal day, I'd be so appreciative. I mean, hes a dog. You cant go too wrong with him.

Smile Dog

Smile has a very important job at the manor. He even has his own work vest and everything.

Smile takes care of the rodents with Seed, barks at Grinny cat, and has a side hobby of eating food off of the floor at family mealtime.

Then, at the end of the day, he opens Jeff's door without opposable thumbs (genius) and chills with his owner until he sleeps.

Of course, right when Jeff falls asleep, Smile must make sure to wake him up to go to the bathroom. This is an absolutely necessary part of his day.

Now that we have the overview, let's see what Smile does on a normal day.

"Hi, Puppyy!!!" The girl with Jeff's smile was always so nice to him before he went to work. And always scratched him behind the ear, just how he likes it. But she reeks of stinky perfume and nail polish, along with Jeff's dirty laundry, so Smile doesn't like to stay long.

Besides, Old Man is always on time to feed him, and he simply cannot be late.

"There you go," Slender says, with a single rub on the head.

Meat.

And with a growl that shook the kitchen, Smile lunged at the food and immediately started eating bite-shaped chunks out of his food bowl.

You might be thinking, well, isn't that normal for a hungry dog? Well, hungry dogs usually eat what is inside the bowl. Not the bowl itself. But...it all goes down the same way, and he's never had a terrible potty break.

Speaking of potty....

"Jesus!" Tim snapped, and barely managed to swing his leg up in time to dodge Smile barreling down the hallway. "Jeff, get your fuckin' hound!"

Smile eagerly gnawed on the door handle until he managed to open it, and shoved it open. The door handle has already made its imprint of a crater shaped hole in the wall. The same routine every single morning really does a number on the drywall.

Jeff's eyes shot open, and scrambled out of bed before Smile could break another rib this week. Smile was too excited to hear his owner beg for mercy as all 160 pounds of dog galloped toward him.

Jeff was crushed and pinned all at once, groaning in pain from the sheer weight of his companion licking and gnawing at any bone he could identify. "All right, all right, I'm up. Fuckin' Hell, kid." Smile hopped backward, leaping vertically as Jeff staggered toward the useless leash and collar.

Smile dragged him around in the mornings until his zoomies wore off, but Jeff spent $60 on this at the nearest Underrealm pet shop; So he might as well use it, right?

After Jeff was dragged around, tripped down the stairs, and got new grass stains on his PJ's Smile was ready to take on the day.

For acting as a human ragdoll at times, Jeff knew Smile didn't ever mean him any harm. He was just a big goofball with a lot of energy. As Jeff fixated Smile's work vest, Smile took deep breaths, and scanned the lobby.

Mission today: Eradicate rodents. Yell at Grinny for sleeping on the job. Motivate and help Grinny catch rodents. Catch any treats the house guests are rewarding Smile. Go to bed by 11pm so he can wake up and do it all over again.

"Stay." Jeff ordered, and held Smile by the collar. And while Smile obviously had the strength to knock Jeff off his feet and rip his arm off from the sheer take-off speed, Smile listened to Jeff whenever he wasn't running at the speed of light.

Smile whined in excitement, and hopped around on each paw, twitching to get ready to run. Jeff attached the tracker to his "Hellhound at Work" collar, which only drove up Smile's excitement.

"Alright...go get em', kid." Jeff gave him a send-off smack on the hind, and Smile launched toward the open set of doors.

And so,

he's off.

"JEEFF!! Get your fuckin' hound!"

[kashimos-hajime]

no regrets (8/8) | r.b.

summary: For the first time, he thinks of a future he could have, and someone who loves him, and there’s something bright in his heart. Or, Reiner finally understands what peace is.

WARNINGS: MANGA SPOILERS!!! angst, mentions of violence, we get our happy ending :) pairing: reiner braun x fem!reader word count: 6.7k

a/n: welcome to the last chapter!! thank you so much for being on this journey with me. there are a few callbacks to previous chapters so see if you can catch ‘em all heheh 

masterlist

crossposted on ao3 x

Few months ago ymir asked if I could let her write one last letter to krista, and I did let her. I stood over her shoulder the whole time, watching her pen down all this sappy shit and I kept thinking about you the whole time, behind those walls. What you were doing, what you were thinking. Maybe if you thought about me. I dont know.

I’m starting to see the appeal of wrting what youre not strong enough to say to a persons face. I never thought Id find myself on the other end of this stick. for some reason, I thought that I could stop myself, resist the temptation, or maybe that I didnt feel for you as strong as I thought I did once I was away from you. I was wrong.

What do I even say? I mean shit, I can barely see, my limbs are barely in tact, and all of it—shiganshina, it haunts me, even though I cant really remember it that well. Half of it goes black and then I remember hearing your voice, I remember Bertholdt, I remember you screaming.

You couldve walked away. why didnt you walk away? It doesn’t make sens. Why did you think to cut me out? Why did you try to save me? Im trying to make it make sense inmy head. It’s not working.

Fuck I dont know what I was thinking when I asked for a paper and pen. Why am I asking you questions? Its not like ill ever understand. At this point, I think it’s pity thats letting Zeke let me waste ink on trying to write straight. He doesn’t know what im doing, but thats better this way. Better than sleeping—better than eating. I just wanna talk to you and this is as close as I can get. Its my own damn fault, but I dont care. 

I completed my mission. After this, im done. ill give up the rest of my term. I dont want any of that glory anymore. I dont want to be a hero. Im just done.

Fuck, my head hurts so much. I dont really know if what im saying is making sense. Im hoping you never read this.

im sorry. I wish I could explain it to you some day, but chances are, ill be dead soon. Whether for treason or because they need to pass on the Titan, and I wont be able to see you again. Which means youll never know how sorry I am. How much I

Thats okay. I dont think youd believe me now even if I did say anything.

I remember your dream to live by the lake with a bunch of kids. You know I started to wonder if youd mind if they were our kids, not just some orphans who needed a home. I’d imagine one of them with blond hair. Imagine them swimming in the lake.

Never told you that was my dream too. Never knew i could have a dream of my own, something only I wanted and not just something to further marleys damn agenda, til I knew you. Sounds stupid but its true.

I think youd like Marley, if we weren’t sworn enemies. Just want you here with me right now. make me sleep easier knowing you’re there when I wake up. 

Dont want secrets either. Fuck I miss you so bad. I feel s o tired all the time. 

I rember when i first saw you all could think about was how you were the most prettiest girl id ever seen. I don know if you know thats why I tried to distance myself. Knew I couldn’t get distracted from my mison. happened anyway. Wish I could tell you that. 

wish I could tell you I love you. Wish I could see the look on yur face when you try lobster for the first time. Youd love it. Not sweet, but tons of desserts here too.

Shit. And the ring on your finger. ill put a ring on your finger. I promised. i swear ill go home and buy a ring for the moment I see you again. Might not be pretty but will do the best I can.

Olnly wnat only wnat only want to see you again and beg for your forgiveness. Let you know if I had a choice, I wouldnt have done it. Would take it all back, nd stay. i wanted to stay, stay with you and the others. I used to want to spend the rest of my life in those walls, now I think im sick and tired of them dividing people who arent even that differnet.

My eyes are beginning to burn. Worse because the skin is sitll growing back. Fucking hell god I miss you. miss your smile more.

I know i dont deserve your forigvneess forgiveness. I want you to be angry with me. I deserve as much, and I cant ask you to, but 

With love,

Rienr

You fold the letter, eyes closing as your fingers trace where the ink bled, the old tear stains wrinkling the paper beyond measure. Some are older than others, and you trace over his name again, your eyes burning, your throat tight enough to suffocate.

You’re leaning against the wall as everyone disembarks. They had taken Eren off first, Hange and the others getting ready to depart for the city while Connie and Jean lift a covered stretcher too white for the vivacious girl that lays dead beneath it.

They pass you silently, and you catch sight of a certain captain approaching, his pale eyes nearly swallowed by the shadows haunting his face.

“Captain,” you say, straightening. Placing the letter back into the tin, you slide it back into your pocket as he folds a green jacket over his shoulder. You give him a nod.

“You made it out alive,” Levi observes. He stops beside you, eyes more focused on what’s ahead. No doubt he’s not looking forward to having to take Zeke to wherever he needs to go—somewhere far, far away from Eren. You cross your arms. 

“It’s good to see you, too, Levi,” you intone. Sighing, you step in beside him and look out at the Walls you can’t see in the distance, your entire body wrought with a strange fatigue that’s only sewn into muscles by adrenaline leaving the body. “I think I’m going to stay.” He tilts his head to you, eyes flickering to your face, and you mirror the shift, your arms tightening. “I can’t leave this unfinished. Not after Liberio.”

“The farm will have to be abandoned,” he points out. “The kids, too.”

“I’ll make sure I move them where someone can take care of them. Somewhere north, far away from the brothers,” you assure, although still, your heart begins to sink and you close your eyes, exhaling deeply. “I have to hope they understand.”

Levi only nods, and you open your eyes as he wordlessly takes the jacket off his arm and offers it to you. Grasping it wearily, you open your mouth to ask questions but he only sets off, back towards the cabin where Zeke is still being held, and you snap your jaws shut, looking down at the jacket.

When you unfold it, you swallow the hard rock in your throat at the blue and white slipping beween the folds of olive green before there’s a sharp whistle. Looking up, you see the carriages already beginning to load up, and you glance back at the door where the captain has disappeared through before jogging down the ramp.

You slither your arms through the sleeves and shuffle the fabric along your frame as something thumps against your thigh, and you frown, reaching down into your pocket and coming into contact with something smooth and hard.

Withdrawing, your lips part at the green bolo tie gleaming in the lights of the port and you, without another thought, pull it over your head, letting it fall against your breastbone. 

“For your services to the Survey Corps.”

There’s no time to second-guess now. No time to debate.

“Good to have you back,” Hange murmurs as you walk towards the carriage taking Mikasa, Armin, and the others back to the city. You tug the lapels of the jacket tighter around yourself and flash them a weak smile. 

The Wings of Freedom on your arm feel like a brand, and it prickles your skin as you climb in after them.

.

Distantly, he remembers flashes. 

Eren reaching forward for Zeke, the exhaustion ripping him every which way, the sound of ODM gear whizzing in his ears as he tries to make sense of the punctured sensation in his armour.

How he had softened his nape, intending to die then. At least, let his death have some meaning, he had thought. Let him make one last effort to repent for everything he did to Paradis, and to his friends who’d been more family than his own mother.

He slips in an out of consciousness for the next few days. He doesn’t know what is up, what is down, but he does recognize his surroundings blearily, the way his head spinning somehow slowing when he presses his temple to the wooden floor.

How can he almost hear your voice in the echoes of the panels, countered by someone who almost sounds like Annie before he drifts off again.

When Reiner finally regains consciousness again, he wakes to someone crouched down in front of him. Jerking up, he lets out a sound before a palm slaps over his mouth and your face is shoved against his own.

“Shut it,” you whisper fiercely. “It’s just me.”

Your name muffled by your own hand, his eyes begin to burn and you lift your palm away as he sits up and you draw back. You’re dressed in clothes that look like they’ve seen better days but you’re relatively uninjured as you pull back. New lines adorn your face—one of the many prices of their damned war—and you only look exhausted. 

Sitting up, Reiner’s whole body groans as he leans against the wall, but he can’t tear his eyes away from you. Your hands are hovering around his body like you’re scared he’ll collapse and there’s a fracture in your mask.

Something gleams on your finger and his eyes flit to it, his heart lurching when he realizes what it is.

The ring. You’re wearing it. You…

For a moment, a glimmer of their teenage selves shine through and he wants to reach for it—touch it so he can remember what it’s like to be happy. He thinks it’s an awful like now; the swelling of his heart so big he can’t breathe; the way his lungs are static in his chest; how he can’t say anything because there are so many words that want to come out first.

“You’re here. You’re alive,” he finally settles on raspily. Your eyes glint with a youthful pain as you nod.

“So are you.” 

And he doesn’t know who moves first—you or him. Nothing is forgiven as their bodies crash in an embrace that lacks grace, but they cling onto another like the world is ending and they’re the only ones left standing. 

Maybe they are.

He buries his face in your neck, and your arms are so tight around him your fingers dig into his shoulders as your body melts against his and his skeleton sags in his own body.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers against your skin, eyes fluttering shut. “I‘m sorry.” A hand against your neck and an arm around your waist, he wraps his legs around your own and traps you against him. You seem to only sink into him even more.

Is that enough? I don’t want you to hate me.

You suck in a breath, and then it comes out shuddering. “You can spend the rest of what life you have left repenting for making me fall in love with a man who was always supposed to die.”

Softly, in his mind, your voice cools the searing heat of hatred inside him. It’s enough. It has to be.

“I’m sorry,” he says again. It’s like they’re the only words he knows. He can’t remember ever meaning it this much. For him dying, for making you love him, for ever coming to Paradis. For loving you. For loving you. “I’m so sorry.”

“I know. I know.” Your face turns to press against his own. Your lips brush against his jaw and his eyes slide shut, tears rolling down his face. “I read every single one of your letters.” Drawing back, you cup his face in his hands and your fingers smear his tears all over his cheeks as his palm rests against your neck. Thumb stretching up to touch your chin, he feels sobs shuddering in his throat at seeing you again—looking at him almost like you used to. “I can’t begin to understand, but I know you are. And I know you love me.”

Choking, he gasps, “You should hate me.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I should.” You’re crying, too, voice thick, tears stubborn on your cheeks as you give him a watery smile. “I should hate Marley, too. But it’s beautiful there. The water by the sea… I want to be there with you next time. We need to go together, before you leave me alone, okay?”

Reiner doesn’t quite hear you. He hears Marley, and beautiful, and he’s never noticed how beautiful you are when you cry, but right now, it’s the simplest truth he knows. 

“Okay.”

When you tilt his chin up and kiss him softly, something inside him explodes from the gentleness that makes him want to crack in the palm of your hands. It sears him from the inside out, makes him grab onto you like you’ll disappear—this is another dream, isn’t it? 

It has to be. 

You can’t be kissing him again after four years. He doesn’t deserve it. You’re an illusion, something his mind made up to deal with the pain. He’s finally cracked for good, just like Bertholdt said he would, and he’s the devil, not you.

But then you pull away just for a moment to smile, eyes barely open as you look at him with a sad tenderness that wraps him in an invisible embrace, and he is faced with the heart-wrenching reality. 

The sky is falling, you are holding him tightly again, and they’ve lost their years. But you’re here. With him. 

He knows that this isn’t a dream as he feels the coolness of the silver band on your finger and the heaviness in how he knows he hasn’t repented a damn thing. 

Why him?

As you run your hand through his hair, you press their foreheads together.

“And I do want a family with you, by the water if you’d like,” you murmur fleetingly against his mouth and his eyes widen, cheeks burning, entire face crumbling as he turns his face in to your shoulder, crushing you in another brace. Sobbing into your neck, his fingers dig into your shoulders, wrap tight around your waist, squeeze you so close he isn’t sure where you end and he begins and your lips brush the shell of his ear. “Reiner, say it.”

“Please,” he whispers thickly into your skin, and you cradle the back of his head with a hand. He’s nothing more than shambles. “Please, don’t go.”

“I’m not letting you out of my sight again,” you promise. His breath is hot against his own face as you pull his head back and cradle his face again, thumbs brushing away the tears from his red face. “Just a bit more. A bit more and then it’ll be all over, you know?”

And he understands, then, what you want from him. Struggling for breath, for his lungs to stop seizing in his aching chest, he cups your face that turns into his palm on instinct, your face wet with your own tears as, for a moment, they try to pretend this isn’t where they really are.

Like they’re still in that afternoon in Trost, a thousand years ago, with the kids flipping coins into the water fountain and a cream bun between them. Like they’re under the tree, apple juice on your wrist and his lips on yours.

Like it’s those trips to the city, the walks on the Walls. Honey is dripping down your chin and he’s pretending he doesn’t want to kiss you, or there’s grease smeared on his forehead, and you’re reaching up to wipe it off his skin.

Like a thousand moments all at once, and he nods to himself as you brush your hand over his temple. The world outside is startlingly quiet, as if the universe itself stopped everything itself to watch this moment, and Reiner takes a breath that bruises his sternum before he’s holding your left hand where that ring still sits.

And slowly, he pulls it off, whispering as firmly as he can. He’s sure he fails—he’s shaking all over from your presence alone.

“When this is over, I’ll put that ring back on your finger. I promise.”

The smile that splits your face is dazzling. It’s the smile he’s missed since the day he left it.

“We have a lot of things to work out, Reiner Braun.”

And your fingers barely brush his jaw before you’re leaning to press a sweet kiss against his mouth. It’s sugary on his tongue, like honey and apple slices.

.

Your back is warmer when you’re pressed up against Reiner’s. The ship is quiet, and their pinkies are just barely hooked on oen another’s as you stare blankly at the empty space between Connie’s boots. You don’t speak, and Reiner’s gaze is only on you. He can’t look at anything else now that you’re back by his side again.

There’s a cut on your cheek from the fight just half an hour ago, and there’s dried blood along your hands where your knuckles had split open, but everyone seems too exhausted to clean themselves up. 

Reiner himself has a blanket pulled over his shoulders, and he sighs, slouching in his own sack of flesh.

Your head tilts towards him, enough that your temple presses against his cheek. His eyes close and he leans into your touch. Not a word passes by, but their hold on each other’s hands tightens. And Reiner thinks. 

For the first time, he thinks of a future he could have, and someone who loves him, and there’s something bright in his heart. Something that hasn’t burned since he left Marley as a child.

Reiner thinks he doesn’t want to die anymore. He doesn’t want to miss you for another moment.

.

Raising from the steam, you groan, your hands searing from the inside out as you touch your face where you swore every inch of your skin had been stretched, but nothing seems out of sorts as you glance around. Everywhere, all your friends who had turned just as you had are in various states of disoriented. The air is still hissing, crackled with surprised screams and shouts of names as people look for one another across the field. 

It smells like cooked meat and burnt hair, a none-to-pleasant mixture that turns your stomach.

Getting to your feet, you wipe at your face, trying to ignore the weird feeling underneath your nails and the ache seizing your muscles. Trying to ignore the remnants of Eren lingering like a ghost that won’t really leave you alone. You shiver, and a strange cold sweat takes over your body.

He had taken you to the sea, except it wasn’t the shore you were familiar with. There was a cabin nearby, with blonde children running, chasing after one another and a man with golden hair standing on the porch, firewood in his arms as he calls out silently. Or maybe you had been standing too far to hear.

“Eren… where are we?”

“Wherever you think you are,” he had said. “I just brought you where you wanted to be.”

A voice, quiet as a memory, catches your attention. “Here let me help.” A soft wind blows throw the mist, cooling your scorching face as you feel a presence stand behind you.

“Oh, thank you.” You look over your shoulder to see a tall boy, and your heart stops. Mouth dropping open, you stare at his foggy image, but he only smiles fully, a smile so tender it reaches every corner of you as you stumble forward, fingers stretching for him. “Bertholdt!”

His smile grows only that much more, eyes squinting a bit and a flash of teeth before he’s looking at your hand that passes through his chest. All at once, all the hope built up in your chest crumbles, and your hand snaps back, trembling just before him. He lays a hand over your own and your eyes begin to burn, tears slipping down your cheeks.

And then, softly, you barely whisper, “I miss you.”

Bertholdt’s smile merely grows, as if to say everything he couldn’t say before. As if to show he’s at peace now—that your last memory together isn’t every part of him, and your lips press together, trying to stop yourself from shaking.

 Shadows form in the fog, and together, the two look as a freckled boy and another girl steps out of the mist a distance away, beaming like the sun. Connie and Jean stagger to their feet just behind you, and your heart lurches into your throat when you recognize them.

“Marco! Sasha!”

Someone calls your name and you turn around just as arms scoop you up and you let out a surprised noise before settling into Reiner’s arms. Looking over your shoulder to look at Bertholdt, your heart only sinks.

He smiles and Reiner lets out a sharp breath beside you, settling you down. “Bertholdt…” More shapes emerge. A shorter boy accompanied by another taller one, both alike in their features. You recognize one as the Jaw Titan holder before Falco, but the other—

“Marcel!” Reiner chokes out the name, hand stretching out to the fog, but the boy merely tilts his head and waves.

Closing your eyes, hot tears streak over your cooling flesh as you fling your arms around Reiner again and press your face into his neck. He cradles the back of your head, and he feels… somehow weaker, but still, there is that impassable strength in his core that wraps around you as he watches over your shoulder, still clinging on despite your clothes hot enough to burn.

I’m alive, I’m alive, I’m alive, I’m alive. It’s the only thought in your head. Your last clear memory had truly been the others taking flight, and the pain that had ripped apart your body before sewing it back together again in unjust proportions. Your limbs had been too big, your blood racing too warmly through your head as your legs pumped but your brain screamed to stop. 

Your fingers had sank into Reiner’s legs to pull him down and you had watched—watched Jean take a bite out of him—

You shiver and Reiner’s arms tighten around you instinctively, constricting enough to let you know that his attention isn’t on you quite yet.

Boots shifting on the ground tentatively, your knees feel gummy as you draw back long enough to look at him. He still looks over your shoulder, and you follow his gaze to watch the mist retreat. Bertholdt and the other two boys fall into a pool of fog, and your lips part in a farewell, but it’s already too late.

He’s gone.

A wind sweeps through the battlefield, tickling your sweating neck and cooling your boiling blood.

“Hey,” a soft voice croaks.

Their eyes meet in tandem. He regards you softly, like you are the reason the sun rises and the stars hang at the sky. Overwhelmed, you can only cup the back of his neck and pull him into a deep kiss. Your other hand along his jaw, it takes all you can not to pull him into a bone-crushing embrace that’ll send them both to the ground.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” you whisper hushedly against his mouth, throat swelling as he lets out a soft noise of surprise as you pull him into another tight hug. You don’t care that you’re crushing him, just that his heart is pounding against your own chest. “I couldn’t stop myself. I’m so sorry.” 

His eyes widening, he wraps his hands around your wrists and pulling you back just enough to kiss your fingers that crumple against his mouth. Clasping one of his hands in both of your own, you close your eyes and he uses his free fingers to brush the tears off your cheek before reaching into some dented tin you don’t recognize.

Eyebrows furrowing, you feel the heat leave your entire body, sapping your energy too, and your eyes snap to Reiner who steps back, cracking it open and presenting it to you. 

“You’re not the one who has to be sorry. I don’t think I’m the Armoured Titan anymore,” he whispers. “I don’t know if I get the rest of my life back, but either way, I want to spend the rest of it repenting to you in any way I can, if you’ll allow me to.” A weak smile. “Truth.”

Your throat closes up, and you stare down at the ring so protected, gleaming despite the destruction around them. It looks almost out of place amongst the grime smearing your skin, the sweat drenching their skin, the smell of blood and metal clinging to their clothes, but Reiner only watches you with a tenderness you can barely meet. It’s so overtly overflowing with devotion that your heart is resting on your tongue, seizing control of everything. 

You barely nod, chewing on your lip, trying not to cry even harder as his eyebrows rise in relief and he lets out a long sigh.

He lifts the ring out of the tin, snapping it closed before sliding the band back home onto your finger and all at once, everything floods you. The exhaustion, the pain, the hunger, thirst, grief wrapping around your bones and chaining you to the ground.

It’s over.

The minute he put the ring on your finger, it would mean it was over. No more blood, no more fighting.

Just like he promised.

You barely croak out his name before you fall to your knees. You trust him to catch you, and he does.

[THREE YEARS LATER]

Just after the Rumbling had stopped, you had gone back to Paradis alone and came back with three children to a man who was still uncertain in a world that was changing. 

Since then, you’ve learned so much about the world, about yourself, about Reiner. 

How he’s seized by night terrors even now, just like you, and how one thing that soothes it is going out for a walk while the sun still simmers below the horizon, the sky a dark navy blue spliced with orange rays. The intricate details like him making a point to tie his own tie because his father never taught him how or the way he has to chug his coffee so he has enough energy to get through the day.

And some days are horrible, haunting, but now, it is far outweighed by the good. He teaches Xav how to dress smart, takes the girls out shopping. Sometimes, he’s spotted around Liberio with a flame-haired boy riding his shoulders, you trailing behind hiding a smile behind some ice-cream.

Different nations, foods, cultures surround you now—citizens of countries coming to settle down roots, spread cuisine to Marley. The idea before, of humans so different than you but still similar at the root of it all, existing, still blows your mind. The technologies that you had never seen before, languages you’d never heard, sights you’d never seen, had all swarmed you as you stepped into a new world with him.

But there is always one thing you’ll come back to.

Leaning against the railing in the port city Reiner told you was the harbour he had left twelve years ago, and returned to seven years ago, you watch the clouds travel in slow drags across the pale blue canvas hung high above your head. The water spans for as far as you can see, glimmering under the sun and gorgeous enough to take your breath away. You pull at your coat across your chest absently, ignoring the tender growl of your stomach. 

Breathing in the salty wind, you feel your chest expand at the litle fishing boats a little ways out.

Reiner was right. You don’t get sick of the sea. You never will—not of this much water. You still remember the first time you had swam in it, the salt-water making your hair crisp, the cold sweat forming on your your sun-warmed skin.

You feel a hand on your shoulder. Looking up, you spot blonde hair and warm eyes and smile. Your heart flutters a bit. You shift on your feet.

“Hey.”

“Hey.” Reiner leans down beside you, and you clasp your hands, letting the sea wind curl against your neck. Reaching to slip his hand in between yours, he sighs and you lean against his shoulder, glancing at their pile of interlaced fingers. “Are you okay?”

“Of course,” you whisper, although even still, you can feel a numbing at your fingertips. You remember what it was like to be a Titan, even now. The sensations haunt you—flashes of your own mutated body, the grotesque meat of your hands sinking into the ankles of the man beside you, the bloodcurdling roar spilling out of your throat.

Glancing at their fingers, you watch the flashes of silver of the rings play in the sunlight, your band now having a matching counterpart on his own hand. You grasp his hands tightly, bringing them up to your lips and his own grip tightens when you dust a kiss gently along his scarred knuckles.

“No,” you finally say at length. “I’m not okay. Going back to Paradis makes me nervous as hell, but we’ll manage.” He nods slowly, and you let go of his hands to wrap your arms around his neck. His own encircle your waist, pulling you flush against him and your eyes close at the familiar warmth—a warmth you’ve woken up next to most days for the past three years. 

“Have you eaten yet?” he murmurs, and your fingers play with the soft edges teasing at your pads as his nose presses against your cheek. Your eyes flutter at the soft heat emanating from his skin, and you shake your head, melting against him. With one arm still around you, he slants his body away from just enough to pull a bag out of his pocket and it crinkles as he hands it to you. Taking it, you frown and look inside.

A cream bun. You can’t help the crumbling in your expression and Reiner holds your face in his hands carefully, kissing the corner of your mouth.

“Let’s stay positive,” he whispers. “We don’t know the situation until we get there and Historia briefs us.”

“I know,” you whisper and his entire expression eases at your words. His eyes gaze at you as if you’re the sole centre of his universe, and he cups your jaw more insistently, pulling you in for a gentle kiss, one you ease into, your eyes fluttering shut as his tongue traces the seam of your mouth. Laughing, you feel his little nose scrunch and your heart bounds up into your throat as he pulls back only to kiss you again, softer this time.

“Get a room!” A sharp female voice ruins their moment and you pull back just enough to see a red-headed boy running towards them and Reiner crouches down just in time to scoop Xavier up.

“When are you getting married?” he demands. “I was promised cake when you guys got married.”

“I dunno. When you move out of the house I guess,” you tease and Xavier pouts, rubbing at the side of his nose with the heel of his palm.

“Besides, you got cake for your seventh birthday, buddy,” Reiner groans as the boy twists in his arms. “You’re getting heavy. What are you feeding him?” he adds, smiling roguishly at you and you roll your eyes as Alina and Anya approach, sun hats protecting them from the glaring sun. Alina, grocery bags in hand, waves. Anya, who’d been the one to shout, tucks her coin purse back into her bag before flashing you a great big smile.

Only fifteen and seventeen. You can barely recall what it’s like being that young anymore, but you’re grateful they didn’t spend it the way you did. They get to know beauty, and no limits at all. The former comes naturally, the latter is partially because Reiner spoils them rotten.

Alina picks a flower with velvety purple petals from a bouquet she cradles in her arm, extending it to you.

“For good luck,” she says. “And protection.” Your heart melts at her words and you pause for a moment, looking from the gorgeous bloom to Reiner, occupied with the boy in his arms making silly faces at him. Then, without another moment, you sneak the flower behind his ear and he reaches up immediately to hold it against his head, turning to you in surprise. 

“To protect the both of us,” you explain.

“Thank you. I’ll be extra careful now.” He looks at the girls, setting his free hand on Alina’s head heavily and she flushes, smiling grandly. “You three behave while we’re gone, alright?”

You nod. “Listen to Levi.” 

“And listen to your sister,” Reiner adds to Alina and Xavier. The former rolls her eyes, the latter sticks out his tongue. “I’ll miss you.”

This is their home—their family that tumbles together into a huge hug, and you can’t help but stand back, watching how they all seem to merge into one unit, unaware of where one part of their reach ends and another begins.

As Reiner pulls you into the hug, your heart soars through your body, effortlessly pounding in your throat and in your fingers and everywhere at once. Liquid heat pools everywhere as Xavier screws up his face when you kiss his cheek, the same way Reiner does after he’s eaten something sour.

And maybe it’s a bit different, or a bit broken, the shards of their bloody history still poking at their heels whenever they think you’ve forgotten them, and it’s most definitely not perfect, but you would rather have it like this then anything else.

“Hey, guys!” Breaking apart, the family look over to see Armin, Annie, and Pieck walking over. Gabi and Falco meander a little bit behind, pushing Levi in his wheelchair, and Jean and Connie are running not far behind them, shouting at one another. You stifle a laugh and Xavier shimmies out of Reiner’s hold to run towards them. The girls follow after him, trying to hold back their runs but the closer they get, you can tell the more frantic they are to say goodbye.

So this is what they’ve made a peace. Something, you hope, is good.

Annie bypasses them quickly, making her way over to you and you survey her face as Reiner squeezes your shoulder, walking over to their friends. Her blue eyes are fixed on your face, and you feel your lips curving into a smile as she shoves her hands in her pockets. Her hair is swaying in the wind, gleaming flaxen, and you remind yourself, not for the first time, that Armin and Annie’s kids, if they ever decide they want them, will be gorgeous.

Hope for the future, and all that.

She stops in front of you, tucking a strand behind her ear.

“So,” she says at length, “we’re going back to Paradis. I’m surprised you decided to come with us. You don’t owe any of us anything.”

“I know. But… you’re my best friend. You do the talking, I fly the getaway plane, right?”

“Yeah. There used to be a time when it probably would’ve been the opposite.”

You nod, and they stand in silence for a moment, watching each other. Two women who should not have been friends, but were against all odds. You don’t think you would be here today if it weren’t for Annie.

Your heart lurches and you take a step forward just as she does, her mouth open to say something. You throw your arms around her and she lets out a noise in surprise as you close your eyes. Arms coming underneath yours, her hands dig into your shoulders and you smile against soft hair as she sighs, easing into your hug.

“Finally working together on an actual assignment,” you mumble and her head tilts as her small frame shifts, a hand patting you on the back as a sign for you to back up. “Just like we always said we would.” 

Bluntly: “Just don’t do anything stupid.”

“You, too.” Pulling back, the two look at one another for another soft moment before you remember the bag in your hand and you shift the bun up in the bag, extending it towards her. “Want some?” Her eyebrows rise in faint delight, before she’s reaching over, pinching and tearing a piece off. 

You grin and do the same and you gesture for her to come stand by the rails with you, stuffing the bag into your coat pocket. Leaning against the warm metal again, you hear a seagull call. The plane you’ll be flying to Paradis floats on the water, the technicians giving it the final check before you take off.

If anything goes wrong while you help prepare and oversee accommodations for the rest of the ambassador group, you’ll remember to fire the black signal flare, but you trust Historia. You trust your friends.

You glance over at them, all laughing, and you notice that the flower has gone from Reiner to Pieck, who’s taking it out of her dark hair to tuck it into Jean’s, and his cheeks redden as he brushes it more securely behind his ear.

Annie catches your attention again, pointing out idly that they’ll have to separate soon when they finish with the plane, and you tell her to just wait a couple minutes more as Reiner catches your gaze. Setting Xav, who has somehow wormed his way back into his arms, down, he walks back over to you, and his hand trails purposefully over your back before resting at the nape of your neck, a reassuring weight on your body.

“You guys okay?”

“We’re fine,” Annie replies. “You have a clingy boyfriend,” she tells you. 

“I think it’s charming.”

She rolls her eyes. Reiner smiles, and you pat the railing beside you—silent invitation. He leans in on your other side, clasping his hands and watching the fishermen pull themselves to shore, singing a tune to each other—one familiar to all three of them and one that you wish you could get out of your head. 

“Soon may the Wellerman come…”

A faint breeze tickling at your fingertips as a sharp call for embarkment splits the harbour, you simply sigh and look over at Reiner. “I just want these last few moments to last.” His eyes meet yours, and he leans forward to press a kiss between your eyes. Annie lets out a soft noise of disgust and you bump your hip against her as Reiner pulls back.

Closing your eyes and lifting your head to the wind, you can almost imagine the one person missing standing on the other side of Annie, dark hair like spun, stained bronze and eyes like warm chocolate. He’d smile and tell them not to worry in that sincere way of his that makes you believe every word he says—as long as they were careful, they wouldn’t walk into any traps.

Your chest aches, and your lips tug into a heart-wrenching smile as you begin to sing along. Reiner slips a hand in between yours, pressing his temple against your head and you loop your other arm through Annie’s.

She rests her head on your shoulder, listening to your voice, eyes on the sailors bringing in their haul below them. Reiner hums the shanty softly, distractedly, eyes cast across the sea.

You tilt your head up to the sky, at the stars you cannot see but will join one day, and smile.

[dallaswinstonsleatherjacket]

Y’all want some prompts? Here’s the prompt store:

Some tws: not intense ones but: homophobia, injuries, drinking, smoking, drugs, swearing

Sad-

Johnny gets beat up, Dally finds him

The greasers lose a rumble

Dally tries to drink his gayness away

Soda dies, Steve is broken

Dally dies. What does Johnny do?

Dally misses his mom

Dally wishes he had a family

What happens after two go to war, and only one comes back?

After the book: describe everyone, what they do, how they act, how they’re broken

5 times Dallas Winston didn’t die, and the 1 time he did

Soda and Steve fight

They break up

They realize they can’t live without eachother

Happy-

Dally and Johnny-first kiss

Steve and Soda-sneaking around(bonus-someone catches them)

Steve and Soda-first kiss

Steve and Soda-kids

Steve getting frustrated at someone or something and Sodas just like *calm down, deep breaths*

Soda makes the gang do yoga

Someone threatens Johnny, Dally makes them pay.

Darry saves pony from some Socs. He expects a lecture, but doesn’t get it

The gang bands together

Cute:

Dallys sick, Johnny takes care of him

Soda takes care of Steve when he has like a hangover

Soda has a panic attack, Steve helps

Soda has a panic attack, Darry/Pony help

Dally DOES NOT like thunderstorms, guess what, one happens.

Dally questions his sexuality, Johnny comforts him. (They aren’t dating)

Johnny gets scared by something, dally comforts him

Johnny falls asleep in Dallys arms.

Dally saves Johnny from his parents

Steve finds Soda crying

Dally has a nightmare

Pony hasnt been giving Darry his lunch money change...they figure out he never eats lunch. The Socs are beating the money out of him

Artsy-

Dallys life story

Johnny before he met the gang

How Darry deals with stress

How Soda met sandy (and how they broke up)

How Steve and Soda fell for eachother

How Dally feels about Johnny

Steve Randle before he met the gang

Dally and Johnny having deep conversations under the stars

Johnny cant sleep, he wanders off. Dallys terrified, trying to find him

Johnny & Dally,

1. Being caught meeting up discreetly by either A. Soda B. Darry C. Steve.

2. Dally having a panic attack and Johnny comforting him. (or vise versa.)

3. Dally/Johnny having second thoughts but something gets rid of them.

4. Dally being just soft in general and getting teased.

5. Their first sleepover.

6. Them cleaning each other up after a rumble.

7. Johnny moving into Dally's room.

8. Dally trips and falls and Johnny laughs. - comedy gold right there folks

9. Johnny finding Dally when he was little on video, A. him trying to be *smexy* or B. him like just doing stupid shit as a child.

10. Them reading the outsiders.

11. Them DURING a rumble.

12. Them being caught by a soc *together* doing one of their secret meetup

13. Watching a scary movie together.

14. Johnny showing Dally a romance movie, Dally acts like he hates it, (he loves it).

15. Their first christmas together.

16. Their first argument. - sadness

17. They Breakup

18. They get back together.

Diologue

“I’ve heard about you. Dallas Winston, right?”

“I hate how it’s silent when you’re not around”

“Sleep here, please. Don’t stay out in the lot.”

“Did they touch you?”

“Cuddle?”

“Here, take my jacket.”

“Dont be afraid, Johnny. I’m right here.”

“Hey, you can talk to me, okay?”

“You’re not broken”

“You don’t have to do this alone.”

“Stay calm, deep breaths, okay?”

“You’re safe now. I got you”

“Do you know what it’s like? Huh?”

“Why do you love someone like me?”

“Please just hold me”

“Dont hurt him! Please, don’t hurt him”

I’m just trying to help.” “Well, I hate to break it to you, but you just made it worse.”

“Don’t I make you happy?”

“You’re going to get someone hurt.”

“I never thought you’d be the one to break my heart.”

“Don’t underestimate me.”

“You’re a complete mess, but I don’t care.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Did I just see you smile?”

“You’re dumber than I thought if you think I’m letting you do this alone.”

“If I could go back in time, I’d still choose you.”

“So… I might’ve been a little drunk.” “Only a little?”

“I honestly have no idea what I’m doing.”

“I can’t believe we’re dating.”

“Please don’t tell me you filmed that.” “Of course I filmed it.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“I meant what I said, every word of it.”

“I can’t stay mad at you, and that pisses me off.”

“Why didn’t you tell me this earlier?”

“I knew you’d overreact.”

“I specifically told you not to leave.”

“You’re not as heartless as you pretend to be.”

“Stop hogging the blankets!”

“I’m not in the mood.”

“I know it’s the middle of the night, but can you come over, please?”

“You know I love you, right?”

“How did you find me?”

“That was a really shitty apology.”

“Not to be dramatic, but I think we’re all going to die.”

“I should’ve fought for us.”

“I love you, okay? I’ll say it as many times as you need to hear it.”

“Everyone wanted to give up on me, except you.”

“We have to leave the country.”

“Are you seriously still angry at me?” “You ate the last donut!”

“Come to bed.”

“Don’t touch me.”

“Just forget everything I said.”

“Seeing you smile makes my day.”

“You mean the world to me.”

“Oh no, you are not dragging me into this.”

“I know you’re trying to push me away, but I won’t let you.”

“The only person I need right now is you.”

“You look really good, by the way.”

“You realise this sounds totally crazy, right?”

“What’s my problem? You’re my fucking problem!”

“You make me a better person.”

“Don’t give me that look.”

“Okay, but consider this: I don’t care.”

“Oh, thank God you’re awake.”

“That’s an order.”

“Promise me you’ll come back.”

“You had another nightmare, didn’t you?”

“We have to look out for each other.”

“You’re going to get yourself killed!”

“Just stay away from me, okay?”

“No one can know about this.”

“The only place I feel safe in is your arms.”

“We’re done.”

“Don’t get used to it.”

“Do you ever regret it?”

“At this point, you’re the only thing keeping me sane.”

“I love it when you laugh.”

“If we’re going to do this, we’re going to do it together.”

“We’ll make it work.”

“Do you ever think about running away?”

“I can’t lose you.”

“You deserve someone better than me.”

“Come here, I want to show you something.”

“You’ve got to be more careful.”

“You’re actually pretty cute.”

“I’m so tired of feeling like this.”

“What did I do wrong?”

“Why does everything always turn to shit?”

“You shouldn’t have done that.”

“I’m a monster.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Can I freak out now?”

“What did you expect? For everything to just go back to normal?”

“I just needed to hear your voice.”

“What I’m about to do is totally crazy, but just roll with it.”

“I know you don’t care, you don’t have to pretend.”

“You owe me.”

“Of course I was worried about you.”

“How much time do we have left?”

“You look different.”

“How could you even think that?”

“Let me out of here!”

“That’s a good picture of you.”

“Give ‘em hell.”

“Get out of my way.”

“You want to know what I really think?”

“It’s about time.”

“You can’t keep ignoring this.”

“I hope you burn in hell.”

“I could think of worse ways to die.”

“Too late.”

“Can we start over again?”

“How do you always manage to look so perfect?”

“I didn’t know you could do that.”

“Run.”

“You love me?” “Of course I do, you dork.”

Darry Prompts :

1. Kids

2. Bills

3. Struggling with Sexuality

4. Panic Attack

5. Him during a rumble

6. Him and his brothers

7. Him on christmas

8. if he found out __ was pregnant/ gotten -- pregnant

9. getting jumped by socs

10. finding out ponyboy and johnny had ran away

11. headcannons

12. rando love story

13. coming out

14. missing his parents

15. his reaction to losing his parents

[socialistsooner420]

lately i been seeing a lot of misinformation goin around regarding opositions to marijuana legislation as well as misconceptions of cancer that are just boiling my blood.

i think as both a cancer patient and as a marijuana consumer the most irritating arguments against weed are "THEY DONT REALLY CURE CANCER YA KNOW???"

yeah, i do know. if that were the case i wouldn't have cancer in the first place. but do you know what marijuana DOES do for us cancer patients? heres a little bit of perspective of what we have to struggle with

having cancer is not just "you have [x amount of time] left to live". thats only in the movies, its never as cut and dry as that. the sad truth is there's a LOT of uncertainty in the entire process, from discovering somethings wrong/finding the tumor, having the courage to go to the doctor and explain everything to them, having to endure many invasive, PAINFUL tests, waiting for the results (took 2 weeks to get mine back), then you have to figure out how tell your loved ones. Ya know what helped ease my panic during all that overwhelming shit? marijuana

fun fact: a lotta people leave when ya tell em ya got cancer! its an extremely depressing reality we have to face. a lot of people compare drug additcs to cancer patients, the joke usually being "you can yell at a person who got addicted to drugs, they chose that! but you cant make fun of a cancer patient, because they didnt!" well, unfortunately, people can and do "make fun" (more like bullying....) of us. people DO scream at us. for example: when i told my mom my diagnosis, she screamed at me, as if i chose to have cancer. she asked me "how could i do this to HER?". So not only is cancer a grueling painful process, its also stressful, confusing, heartbreaking, uncertain, overwhelming, and fucking DEPRESSING. Marijuana helps me get my mind off of all that. Instead of the constant thoughts such as "when will this cancer finally kill me so i can stop being such a huge burden on my family?" i can give my mind a rest and think happy thoughts instead.

a lot of cancers cause supressed appetites. thats why a lot of us are extremely underweight and gaunty. marijuana helps us regain our appetites and not have to starve and waste away! it also helps keep us at a consistent weight, another really dangerous problem for us.

In addition to having difficulty putting food down, its also hard for us to keep our food down. our supressed appetites come with the extra pain of extreme nausea and vomiting, which oh hey! personal experience i had today; i violently threw up 8 times in a row after only eating a bag of chips (supressed appetites make it VERY hard to eat actual meals), and i thought i was going to drown in my own vomit because i couldn't stop and breathe. i didnt smoke first 🤔 but i drank plenty o water and smoked some marijuana afterwards, and wouldnt ya know, no more nausea, and i was able to keep my next snack down.

cancerous tumors often become inflamed, randomly and for indefinite amounts of time. i cannot even begin to explain the unbearable pain it causes. it feels like there's a giant ball of itchy fire inside your body. Marijuana helps the inflammation go down and relaxes the body.

in addition to inflammations, tumors are just naturally painful. its a mass growing exponentially inside your body, compressing your internal organs, LITERALLY STRETCHING YOUR SKIN, and literally an extra weight to carry around. You know what can safely help take that pain away, without all the shitty side effects for pain medications such as oxys/percs (which is what they had me on before Oklahoma passed Medical Marijuana legislation)? Marijuana. Marijuana helped the pain better than oxy or percs, and Marijuana certainly didnt force me to become bedridden and sleep 20 hrs a day like oxys/percs did

Speaking of sleep, trying to sleep with cancer is also difficult. the pressure of anything even remotely close to your tumor area. I had a massive tumor in my breast that was almost 5 POUNDS, and even my shirt touching it hurt. imagine sleeping with a bowling ball extremely poorly ducktaped tightly to your chest. Thats what I had to do. you know what helped me sleep though?

you guessed it!

Medical Marijuana

there's so many more benefits that it has for different cancer types, as well as other ailments, but i wont go further because that would take forever to list. my point here though is that no medical marijuana advocate is saying its the end all cure all, just that there are many people that it could help who we're denying in favor of big pharmas opiod crisis.

its just plain ignorant and legitimately harmful to the people marijuana could benefit to deny that it helps sick people, especially cancer patients.

im so sick of hearing shit like "well pot ruined my sons life, now he's unemployed and plays video games all day" like bitch do you think i fucking care??

marijuana literally SAVED and continue to save my god damn life every day. its not pots fault you raised a shitty son with no rules or boundaries, i also know plenty of recreational smokers who hold down jobs and are well off, so its not weeds fault yr sons a loser.

im just glad oklahoma has pretty much the most liberal weed laws in the US. sq788 passed right after my surgery and i was so happy that finally i could legally and SAFELY get the medication that i had to do illegally for so long.

im ending my rant with this screencap of my favorite arch of archer when he had breast cancer which obviously hit close to home with me.

me too, archer, me too.

[witchcraft-in-wonderland]

Strangers (Pt.10)

-------------------------

"Roman I can walk down the stairs by myself!"

"But you could get hurt! I mean what if you fell or tripped or- look at you!"

"What about me?."

"Well you're h-"

"I'd chose your next words carefully Princey unless you want to learn how to swallow with teeth in your throat."

"Yessir-"

The past seven months had been bliss for Virgil, everything finally felt normal and safe. Virgil could finally go outside and chat without stressing about being overheard. He could finally breath and laugh and smile at his husband.

And most importantly, this really was Roman. Not some copy or fallacy meant to keep him isolated and dependent.

The only thing he wasnt much enjoying was the process leading up to the family he'd soon be starting. He sometimes wished he could just stay in bed for decades on end instead.

"Are you coming to eat breakfast or not then? I'll still carry you if I have to," Roman said, standing at the bottom of the stairs, waiting patiently for his husband.

"I'm coming I'm coming- last time I checked I'm supposed to be the emotionally distressed one arent I?" Virgil said with a laugh, followed by a sharp intake of breath as his arm crossed over his stomach.

"Told you she wouldnt like those jokes either didnt I?" Roman said with a laugh.

"You're insufferable sometimes Roman I hope you know that," Virgil said, finally accepting Roman's help the rest of the way down.

"Wow, six plates just for me?" Virgil said as he sat down, scanning the table in front of him.

"And that's not all, I finally finished that tonic for morning sickness I was working on," Roman said.

"Oh really? And how much help did you need with that?" Virgil said, eyes glancing over the wolf necklace around his husband's neck for a few fleeting moments.

"Hey! It only took like- three questions-" Roman said, clearly biting the inside of his cheek. Virgil raised an eyebrow.

"Thirty. It took thirty." Roman states, rolling his eyes. Virgil snickered slightly.

"Well hopefully it works, I'd like to sit down for sewing without having to get up every ten seconds," Virgil said, smiling as he raised a glass.

"To the Order of Terra, without whom none of the bullcrap we've put up with would have been possible," Virgil said sarcastically.

"Now baby you of all people should know not to mock the dead," Roman said sternly.

"They died once and if they wanna fight I can kill em again," Virgil continued.

"Do you know when Logan plans on getting rid of that gods forsaken book?" Roman asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Probably gonna pass it on with his necklace, he's practically fanatical about it, I ask him what day it is and he somehow ties it in to something someone in the order said that was important for- reasons," Virgil said with a laugh.

"I mean I guess it's good information to know?" Roman said pensively, Virgil shrugged.

"So how do you feel?" Roman said, glancing up at Virgil.

"Bloated and nauseous." Virgil said sardonically.

"Aaawww, poor baby. . ." Roman said, running a hand through Virgil's hair.

"How many months are left again?" Virgil said.

"Just one, maybe a little less," Roman replied, Virgil groaned.

"You wanna visit the others?" Roman asked.

"Cant they just come here?" Virgil asked.

"Alright, I'll call," Roman answered.

And soon enough there were six more people in the living room. Andy, who had insisted on sleeping in Virgil's room until breakfast had ended, seemed very delighted at the prospect of so many people in one room at once.

"Andy! Down!" Virgil called as the shaggy black mass attempted to crawl into Patton's lap.

"Oh hes not doing anything wrong! Hes just a big ol' sweetheart- arent you? Who's a good boy? Who's a good booooyyyy?" And with that Patton had dissolved solely into baby talk with the dog.

"Logie are you gonna interact with the rest of us or is that book really so interesting?" Remus said, very obviously sarcastic.

"I'm almost done!" Logan said, waving a hand in Remus' direction.

"You've read it a dozen times Logie," Remus said with a laugh.

And then Virgil froze.

Something felt wrong.

Very, very wrong.

"R-Roman-" he managed to sputter out, before a sharp inhale.

"Oh gods- is it-" Virgil nodded before Roman could even finish.

"Janus could you get the emergency pack? Remus you can drive us right?" Both nodded, Roman rushed over to Virgil to sweep him off the couch.

Virgil had heard stories of this kind of thing, but he hadnt thought it would be this hectic in real life.

Though, he supposed he was lucky Remus understood when proper driving was necessary.

He spent the whole ride to the hospital clinging to Roman's arm with one hand while holding his stomach with the other, Remus and Logan in the front seats, and Janus and Patton in the back as well. Remy and Emile had agreed to go separately to secure a decent spot at the hospital.

And it was lucky they did, Virgil wasnt sure he wanted to stay two days in an uncomfortable room.

But after much blood, sweat, and tears, finally, it was over.

"We just need to clean her up a bit so you can rest, then you can hold her for as long as you want," and with that the nurse left the room with the crying baby.

Virgil let out a heavy sigh, a smile clearly visible on his face.

"We did it baby, we're dads now. . ." Roman said, smiling.

"Wait holy shiitake mushrooms I'm an uncle-" Remus said, suddenly wide-eyed.

"Very astute Remus," Janus replied sarcastically.

"Oh shut up grandpa," Remus said with a smirk.

Janus paused for a few moments before shooting a glare in his direction.

A few minutes later the baby was back safe in Virgil's arms. Virgil let Roman sign her certificates, Helena Elizabeth Prince-Duke, a daughter of their very own.

Virgil wasnt sure he'd ever be able to take his eyes off her. He watched as she blinked a few times, arms waving as if caught in a breeze. And then opened two very distinct, charcoal reddish-black eyes.

----------------------------------------------

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[tamhrayis]

r u already physically and mentally ok? bc i am still not feeling very good. the ending is the only thing i can think of, however much i try to distract myself from that. i still cant properly eat and sleep. i still cry a lot. i still have stomach ache and have trouble consuming food. i still cant concentrate on anything bc my mind constantly thinks about aot ending. i am one of those people who think ending was average (like it wasnt satisfactory enough, but also not terrible). the thing is that i really wanted to see EM happy together in the end. my brain costantly thinks about how brutally Mikasa had to kill Eren and how she sits under that tree next to his grave and misses him... this just hurts so much. like my rational part tries to tell myself that it is only a fiction, it is not real so i shouldnt make such a fuss around that, but my emotional part (which is now unfortunatelly much stronger) can't let it go... like i have now even a problem to watch anything related to aot. like when i go on youtube and it recommends me some aot videos i cant even bring myself to click on them without them triggering even more pain in me... idk i got probably so attached to EM and wanted to really see them happy together after everything they went through that this ending hurt me in the worst possible way. i want to move on with my life so it wont hurt me anymore, but i just cant because my mind always slips to EM and their ending (which triggers even more pain) and also i am not in any other "fandom" except aot so i dont even have big passion for anything else where i could "escape" from aot. i tried to watch some movies yesterday and today as a distraction, but it still didnt help bc my mind always goes back to aot ending... like i feel mentally and physically really awful and i want it to stop but i dont know what to do. it is like i have no control over it. do u have any advice what to do to stop feeling so bad? how much time do u think its gonna take until i will feel normal again? if you or any of your followers have any advice what to do or just some comfort words - they are very much appreciated. thanks for hearing me out and im sorry for the long ask i just needed to tell and ask someone and u seem like a very nice person. <3

Anon, I am very sorry for how you feel these days. I totally understand and I also want you to recover as soon as possible.

Your state really reminds me of how I felt when ch.138 came out. I didn’t cry that much, but maybe...it was because of the leaks I’ve read before the chapter or just how I lived during that time. I couldn’t normally eat, sleep and simply function, because every time I did something, it just ended up being another breathing exercise session, because I really couldn’t get myself to do something without thinking about ch.138.

But instead of checking social media and trying to find a distraction in my phone, I just tried to distance myself from it. One of the things that really helped me to cope was...cleaning😂 I don’t know how it will be for you, but cleaning really distracted me and eased my mind. Also, on the day when ch.138 was officially released, i needed to go outside with my friend and tbh, these two really helped me to deal with the anxiety. I took me a full week to recover, but nevertheless...I just tried to find some ways to think about something else. I also did my school work, talked to my friends, watched another animes and just continued to live.

As for how I am still mentally and physically okay...I am just that type of person who is used to let things go. Be it people leaving my life, materialistic stuff that I lose or how things don’t go my way, I just don’t feel as sad about it as I used to, because nothing is permanent in this world and everything has an end. I knew that AoT will end someday and I used to tell myself that no matter what kind of ending it will be, I will be okay.

It’s not like “I will accept any crappy ending”, but more like “I know that Isayama won’t scrap his work and no matter what he does, it’ll be meaningful”. I knew that getting a happy-go-lucky ending won’t be possible as I used to think, and maybe that was my fault for believing it...But I am happy with this ending, because it wasn’t closed and precise enough.

As for Mikasa, I see where you are coming from, but Mikasa didn’t brutally killed him. She finally freed him from the burden of this world. Yes, it would be so great if they lived together, had a family and just spend the rest of their lives as they wished for.

But realistically, knowing how many problems Eren’s existence will bring and their conscientious nature...They still wouldn’t find peace, because as Armin mentioned that even if titans stopped to exist, it doesn’t mean that the world will just come to peace. No, they will need to work and create that peace by themselves, but again, Eren’s life would be full of responsibilities and burden all over again.

If the writing was different and Isayama made his story a little more hopeful in some ways...I think we would get something different, but that’s only my speculations.

I genuinely want you to get better and be happy again! You’re amazing and loved. Thank you for sharing. I feel very touched🤧

[willddheartt]

High | Randall Carpio

Summary: The one where you're trying to forget Randall after breaking up.

Inspired by: Stay High - Tove lo

Warnings: Angst, sad, idk 

Word count: 1729

Masterlist

I eat my dinner in my bathtub, then I go to sex clubs Watchin' freaky people gettin' it on It doesn't make me nervous if anything, I'm restless Yeah, I've been around and I've seen it all

Since you left him there hasn’t been one day where you haven’t regretted it. Of course, you were still living in the university’s dorms which made things even harder. No matter what you did it seemed like wherever you went there he was, in our form or another. 

There hasn’t been one day in two months where you’d been 100% sober, it was the only way you could stop thinking about him and what you did. You knew it was a problem, but you didn’t care. It didn’t matter to you that out of all the combination of drugs you consumed at any party you could find could one day be deadly, it didn’t bother you because nothing seemed to matter anymore.

I get home, I got the munchies, binge on all my Twinkies Throw up in the tub, then I go to sleep And I drank up all my money, dazed and kinda lonely

It was a loop every night. Once you’ve run out of things to distract you through the day, start pregame drinking as you’re getting ready to go out to the clubs for the night, and lose yourself in the bodies. The odd time you’d come home with a meaningless fling, but mostly you came home alone, and once you’ve run out of things to keep you numb, fall asleep.  It felt like everything was just something to take the pain away and then give you some once it was gone, a never-ending cycle. The only constant thing was the endless pain and void you felt in your heart. It was your fault, you knew that but you made a mistake, one you cant now take back and fix.

You're gone and I gotta stay high All the time, to keep you off my mind Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

“Alyssa, please just use that weird dust shit on me, make me forget,” You begged for the millionth time. Her answer was always the same, “No.” “Why not?” You sighed, but you knew, she’d told you every time you asked  “Because the pain and hurting will still be there, you just won’t remember the source of it.”  “Maybe that’s better," You huffed, leaning back into the couch.  “Who hurt you this bad anyway?” Alyssa asked  “Who did I hurt is the proper question,” You replied shaking your head as you brought the beer bottle up to your lips.  “Who did you hurt?” The blonde asked. She asked you every time you begged her you flick some of that magic dust on you to make you forget, but you haven’t yet told her because to you if you say it out loud and tell another person it makes it too real. “Someone who didn’t deserve me,” You replied 

Finally, the alcohol from the frat party started kicking in, and you were granted the false sense that everything was alright and nothing was going to hurt in the morning. 

High, all the time, to keep you off my mind Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh Spend my days locked in a haze, tryna forget you, babe I fall back down  Gotta stay high, all my life, to forget I'm missin' you Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

You’d been through this loop multiple times. Feel like you’re on top of the world with some disposable guy at a party, come home, have the effects of the alcohol wear off feel everything too much, pass out. 

That’s how this was supposed to go, but tonight was different. After running into Alyssa as she was passing through the frat party, she refused to let you’re out of her sight. Even now, after she had walked you back to your dorm, she was by your side when you broke down crying and everything came pouring out.  “I fucked up big time, Alyssa.” You cried, “And I’ll never be able to fix it or make it right.”  “No, you didn’t” She was quick to comfort you, pulling you into a tight hug, “Whatever it was I’m sure there’s a way you can fix it, by regular means or magical,”  “You don’t understand,” You shook your head, “I’ll never be able to forgive myself for how I hurt Randall,” 

Alyssa froze the grip that was pulling you towards her loosened and she finally understood. You and Randall never told anyone you were together, you liked thinking your relationship was just something for you and him, enjoying the secret of it all. Nobody noticed when you were together but it became very clear that something happened after the split. 

“He probably hates me now,” You mumbled, pulling out of her hug and leaning your elbows on your knees. “I know I would,” You scoffed “He could never hate you, you know Randall,” Alyssa said, you shook your head, “Why don’t you try talking to him,” The girl suggested She knew first hand he didn’t have one negative feeling towards you. Sure Randall was going through the normal shit one would after an unexpected breakup, but he could never hate you no matter what you did. The thing he wanted the most was an explanation, why you left and did he do anything to hurt you. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt or make you uncomfortable. 

Admittedly, some nights were better than others. You could have all the fun you wanted and not think about the brunette at all. Yet others were the worst where no matter what you did or what substances you consumed, Randall was still the only person on your mind. Tonight was bordering on one of the bad ones. 

Pick up daddies at the playground, how I spend my day time Loosen up their frown, make 'em feel alive I make it fast and greasy, I'm numb and way too easy

Another night, another party, another temporary escape.  Tonight you were at the party specifically to find a fling. You thought that since drugs and alcohol weren’t doing much anymore, something more could help.  At least that was until you saw his face through the crowd. You wondered if he’d spotted you, but from how he didn’t look away, or even pretend to not be staring, you answered your own question. 

Finding a getaway in the bathroom you sighed, leaning up against the door. Tonight was supposed to be the night you finally let him go and made yourself move on, but there he was like you weren’t supposed to forget. 

Staying in my play pretend, where the fun ain't got no end Oh, can't go home alone again, need someone to numb the pain Oh, staying in my play pretend, where the fun ain't got no end Oh, can't go home alone again, need someone to numb the pain

Going about the rest of the night, dancing with a multitude of strangers yet there was still only one person occupying your thoughts. With each drink, he only became more and more prominent. The nagging inside you to go find the sweet brunette wouldn’t stop and only got louder with each new stranger.  You were getting a new drink from the kitchen, and if the timing was perfect, there he was. 

“Y/n,” Randall said while the two of you were frozen in the sight of the other.  You didn’t know what to say, you were speechless. You knew you owed him an apology, an explanation but in the moment neither of those seemed to come to you. “Randall,” You whispered, eyes immediately tearing up. Before any tears could start streaming down your cheeks, the taller boy pulled you into a tight hug, it took all you had to not completely lose it in his arms. Every ounce of concentration you had gone to trying to make the growing ball in your throat go away.

“I’m sorry,” You whispered, causing him to pull away.  “You don’t have to apologize,” Randall shook his head, “Then what can I do?”  “Come back,” He looked at you with glassy eyes, tears brimming them. 

Without putting another thought into it, as you blinked your tears away once more, you crashed your lips onto his. Your tears mixed in with the kiss but neither of you could notice, with your hands in his hair and his on your hips you pulled one another as close as you could. Pulling away you leaned your forehead against his and closed your eyes, feeling at home in his embrace. He kissed the tip of your nose, making your eyes open again. 

“What do you say we get out of here?” Randall whispered with his smirk that you haven’t seen in so long, you nodded letting him lead you out of the crowded house, you’d let him lead you anywhere without a second thought. 

You're gone and I gotta stay high All the time, to keep you off my mind Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh High, all the time, to keep you off my mind Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh Spend my days locked in a haze, tryna forget you, babe I fall back down  Gotta stay high, all my life, to forget I'm missin' you Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

You stumbled in your dorm with Randall on your heels, kicking the door shut behind him. The moment the door slammed shut his lips were on yours, you were all over each other, barely even pulling away to breathe. Pulling away just long enough for the both of you to pull your shirts over your head and throw them somewhere in the room.  Your knees hit the edge of your bed, sending you falling backwards onto the soft mattress, pulling Randall with you. He hovered over you as your hand came up to cup his cheek, your thumb brushed over his cheekbone and he leaned into your touch. 

“I am so sorry,” You whispered  “Just don’t leave again,” Randall whispered back, you nodded and he laid down next to you.  As you pulled your duvet over the two of you Randall pulled you into his chest. This was something you missed too much. 

“I love you,” He whispered, it was just barely audible for you to hear it  You kissed his chest and smiled, “I love you too,”

[porkchop-ao3]

A Thrill I’ve Never Known (Chapter 23)

Flimflammery

In this chapter, John and reader run a con together :) This part was inspired a lot by Better Call Saul and some of the scams that Jimmy and Marco would pull in season 1! I love writing this kind of thing :P you’ll notice this story focuses on the jobs reader does as well as the romance plot, I just cant help myself!

(All chapters tagged with #ATINK and also posted on Ao3, username PorkChop)

-   

I was up first. I brewed the coffee, poured myself a cup, yawned and stretched and rubbed the sleep from my eyes. Draping my blanket around my shoulders and shuffling across the camp towards the horses with my journal tucked under my arm, I glanced towards Arthur's bed. He was curled up on his side, cheek smushed into his pillow, arm hanging off the edge, fast asleep. I smiled, his appearance endearing. I figured he must've gotten back late with Sean after causing whatever mayhem he had at the Gray's, so I left him alone. I couldn't help but think of the Pinkertons, Leviticus Cornwall, the countless people who wanted him dead or locked up, and seeing him looking so peaceful and harmless curled up asleep like that… none of it seemed possible. 

Who on Earth could be mad at a face like that?

I took a drink of coffee as I sat down by the hitching posts. Some of the horses were still sleeping, including Rayna, bless her. But Jet was awake, chewing his way through a bale of hay, tale flicking, ears twitching. He looked up at me once, decided I wasn't enough of a distraction, and carried on eating. I put my coffee down beside me, pressing the tin cup into the grass until it felt stable enough to leave, then opened up my journal, ready to draw Arthur's gift. I did a couple of warm up sketches; I'd never really drawn horses before, so this would be interesting. I did a couple of little doodles of Rayna first, considering she was asleep and I figured I'd do better without a moving target. 

I approached it the same way I would a portrait, blocking in her basic shape, putting down a few guidelines to plan where her eyes would go, then her ears, her nose, the curve of her neck and the scruff of her mane. I made a mental note to give her a thorough brush later, then sketched away. I produced a few little drawings. Some of just her head, some of her full body. I was certainly doing better with the close ups of her face; proof that I shouldn't run before I could walk. I filled up two pages, remembering to drink my coffee before it went cold. 

Once I felt comfortable with the subject matter, I turned to a fresh page and studied Jet for a while, noting the markings on his face; a white splodge right between his eyes. In the early morning light his coat looked very close to black, but as the sun moved further up in the sky, it hit him and picked out plummy tones on all his high points. I started drawing him, just his head, where he was swooping down to the water trough, noisily slurping away. I took my time just like Arthur advised, keeping my eyes on him as my hand moved slowly across the page to capture the roundness of his jawbone, all the way along the straight plain towards his muzzle. Fully warmed up to the action, I found myself able to look at him more than my page, just like Arthur did that day in Scarlett Meadows. He was rubbing off on me. 

I put a lot into the drawing, very tempted to start again on numerous occasions. I forced myself to keep at it rather than wasting paper, knowing that nothing was set in stone and I could tweak as I needed, rework areas until they satisfied. Jet began to emerge from the page, not just any horse, but him, and I was pleased with my tenacity as I created something I was genuinely proud of. I hoped that Arthur would be proud too, once I gave it to him. 

Pleased with my efforts, I leaned back against the hitching post and settled down to finish my coffee, chewing through a biscuit from the almost empty tin I'd snagged from Pearson's wagon. I enjoyed the early morning solitude, but I could hear movement across the camp as Pearson started his work for the day, butchering up that bear meat, ready to cook slowly throughout the day to keep it tender.  I leaned my head back against the post and closed my eyes, taking a deep, still breath and listening to the wind in the trees. Just taking a moment of peace before the day truly began. Susan would be up and about soon, and she'd find something for me to do.

She was a lovely lady, but I'd soon learned that she didn't take kindly to layabouts. You had to earn your right to sit down and relax, with her sniffing about, so every day it was a challenge to have her catch you doing something worthy of some downtime in the evening. Otherwise, there was hell to pay. 

"Morning, sunshine," the voice caught me by surprise and my eyes snapped open, settling on Arthur's dominating figure blocking the cloudless sky behind him. 

"Arthur. Good morning," I smiled at him, patting the space beside me. 

"Keepin' the horses company?" He mused as he sat down cross-legged next to me. He blew across the top of his coffee before taking a tentative sip. I hummed my affirmation, nodding and glancing out at the animals.

"Well, my coffee buddy was sleeping, so," I told him, and he chuckled. "Exciting night?"

"One way of saying it," he tutted, huffing in mild amusement. "If committing arson is your idea of excitement."

"Well, depends what I'm setting fire to," I joked. "Boxes full'a dynamite are always a good time. Just gotta remember to stand well back." 

"Yeah? What do you reckon to fields of tobacco?"

"Hmm, I'd say that's at least a little exciting."

"Well, you should've been there last night," he laughed. I smiled, eyes lingering on him even when he looked away. I tapped on the tin of biscuits and he took one, crumbs catching in the stubble that he was yet to shave. 

I thought about Isaac, his son, and tried to imagine Arthur as a father. I'd never seen him in that light before, but I could imagine him being good at it. Not that I had any desire to test the theory, I thought, blushing at the very idea. 

It was as if he was reading my mind, with his next words. "I was thinking, last night, laying in bed. I'm glad I told you about Isaac. I don't speak about him much – at all, really – don't wanna bother folk with it. None o' these ever met him," he made a vague gesture to the camp. "They never mourned him, so I felt like a nuisance bringing it up, dragging people into my suffering. But telling you…"

He looked at me, really looked at me, in the eye. It always pulled me out of something when he met my eyes so intensely, as if I forgot the world was real until those moments. 

"I figured, if we're doing this. If we're starting something together, then, you ought to know me. My pain, and all," he continued. "I hope that I can do the same for you, listen to your hardships. You're just like me; lost just about everyone. You put on a brave face, but you don't have to. Not with me, at least."

"Thank you," I told him under my breath, reaching to squeeze his knee. I took his words to heart, and after a moment I sighed softly and spoke. "I miss my father a lot more than I let on."

"Your father?" He repeated. I hummed and nodded.

"I take after him a lot. I loved my mother, of course, but she drank a lot. I didn't notice as a child but as I grew up, I reckon that drove a wedge between us. She never remembered anything I told her, was like having the same conversations every day, stopped me from really knowing her, and her me, I think," I shrugged, then smiled. "But my pa, he used to take me out riding, put me up front on his horse, and we'd sing songs together on the road."

Arthur smiled too, eyes still fixed on me. 

"I miss that. More than anything, I do. But I try to miss it in a way that makes me happy to remember it, instead of sad that it's been and gone, you know?" I looked up in time to see his brows raise thoughtfully.

"That's a pleasant way of thinking, you got there. Something I'll try and keep in mind myself," he nodded. He chuckled and looked up to the sky absentmindedly. "I remember the time I went to see Isaac and Eliza, after he'd started walking. Kid came stumbling out the house when I showed up and you know what I did?"

"What?"

"I burst into tears. I weren't sad. I don't know what came over me, just seeing him growing up, doing stuff for himself, it made me so proud, ain’t ever felt anything like it. Eliza laughed at me, not being malicious or nothin', I just don't think she expected it. Anyway, that's one'a my most treasured memories."

"It's an honour that you shared it with me, then," I told him, stroking my hand across the top of his thigh. He put his hand over mine, stilling it and squeezing my fingers. “I’m glad that you have those memories.”

“Me too. If memories is all I have, I’m grateful for ‘em,” he told me. I glanced over towards Pearson, checking his view of us was obscured before I leaned across and kissed Arthur’s cheek. 

He caught me before I moved back, capturing my lips in a true kiss, one that was quick and risky but just as sweet as they always were. When it ended, we remained close, sharing breath between us and enjoying the moment, despite pushing our luck.

“Been thinkin’ about the other night, a lot,” he whispered. Tone timid, yet there was a look in his eyes that smouldered and dared. I pressed my lips together, letting my eyes drop to his mouth. “Can barely believe my luck.”

“Luck’s got nothing to do with it,” I exhaled a laugh, a sharp shake of my head. Arthur smiled, licking his lips, tongue just barely ghosting over mine and making my breath stutter. “I ain’t quite sure what you mean by that.”

“Lady like you? And it's me who gets to see her like that?”

“Shhh,” I said softly, shaking my head. “You don't need to flatter me, Arthur, you’ve already got me.”

“I’m doin’ no such thing. I mean it, I sure ain’t done anything deserving of this good fortune, you know my life,” he told me through a breathy laugh. I leaned away from him, shaking my head again with a tut. 

“Well, you better wrap your head around it, or get used to it, or something. I don't plan on that being a one off.”

“Oh?” the sound was playful, musical even.

“Mhm,” I nodded, keeping my eyes on the ground in front of me, fire igniting in my belly and, of course, my face. Arthur hummed softly, fingers reaching to brush some of my hair back. He came close and hovered there, mouth inches from my neck. 

Footsteps, light but graceless, scuffing to a stop just a little way away. Arthur’s head snapped up to their owner, and I gingerly took a peek to my left. It was the feller Mary-Beth had been mingling with a fair bit, Kieran. My conversations with him had been few and far between, mostly small talk when we were both tending to the horses; but he seemed like a nice enough guy. Always really timid, though, especially then. His eyes were locked on Arthur’s and he looked ready to wet himself. 

“Mind your goddamn business, O’Driscoll. And keep your mouth shut,” Arthur’s voice was dark, gruff and downright chilling. I hadn’t heard anything close to it since the first time I’d seen him at Horseshoe Overlook, and he’d been yelling at Strauss. It rose goosebumps on my arms and made me feel something in the pit of my gut that would’ve been fear if it was directed at me, instead it was a sort of exhilaration.

Kieran visibly gulped before giving a jerky nod and carrying on his way. I had no idea what the issue between the two men – well, between Kieran and most of the camp – was. It wasn't the best time to ask, however.

Arthur sighed loudly and leaned away from me. I couldn't help but let a small giggle escape, prompting a quizzical look from him.

“We’re not doing well with the whole ‘keeping this to ourselves’ thing, are we?” I said. Arthur scrubbed a hand over his face, releasing a tenuous groan. “Which reminds me. Abigail knows,” I added through another laugh.

“I don’t mind you telling your friends,” he shrugged.

“It wasn't me,” I gave him a look and his expression soured when the penny dropped.

“Dumb as rocks, no good, little bastard–”

“Hey, come on. Don't be like that.”

“Sticking his oar in–”

“Arthur,” I said sharply, capturing his attention. “Just remember he saved my life.”

“‘Bout the only useful thing he’s done since he dragged his scrawny ass back to us.”

“You don't hate him that bad,” I cocked my head and Arthur shrugged indifferently.

“Anyway,” I said suddenly, changing the subject. I presented my sketchbook to him, dropping it in his lap. “Couple pages in, I drew your boy.”

“You did?” he seemed surprised, opening up the sketchbook and flicking through to the drawing in question. He beamed when he saw it, face breaking into an unrestrained smile. It made my heart thump  “Look at that,” he chuckled.

“You like it?”

“You did a fine job on this, of course I like it. Y’ should be proud of yourself,” he patted me on the thigh, began rubbing up and down. “Thank you, princess.”

“You’re most welcome,” I said, preening under his praise just a little. 

He opened his mouth to speak, but his name met my ears from across camp. His hand froze its subtle movement and he looked over his shoulder. A newly risen Dutch was shouting him. He let out a little breath then looked back down at the drawing.

“I better go see what he wants,” he told me, eyes still roaming over the drawing of Jet, thumb kneading the edge of my thigh. “You going out with the girls tonight, that thing John was on about?”

“Oh, that. Yeah, I reckon so,” I nodded. “Are you coming?”

“Ahh, no. I think it's best I avoid that place, last time I was there, Hosea and I caused a little trouble,” he admitted sheepishly, and I didn't ask. “Anyway, you be careful,” he said, giving my thigh one last squeeze.

“I will,” I smiled, seeing him mirror it before he was heading off to see Dutch.

-

Rhodes Parlour House was as pleasant as I remembered it being from the few times I’d been there before. The place was clean and nicely decorated, crisp white table cloths and ornate furniture, a lovely curved staircase dominating the room, a polished bar at the back. Anyone would think we were somewhere like Saint Denis. The place was busy, the piano being played to grace the patrons with a lively tune, men were packed around the bar, others were taking up the tables. Women roamed the place too, but it seemed as though they were looking to make a dollar rather than spend one.

Mary-Beth, Karen and Tilly mingled with the patrons in their own ways; Karen was going solo while the others teamed up together. I was still sat with John, observing as the two of us sat opposite one another in a booth by the entrance. He'd been approached by three different prostitutes, now, prowling like kittens to try and coax him upstairs, and for once I found myself reveling in a perk of being female. Though, I didn't get off completely scot-free, the third of the women eyed me in a way that turned my face cherry pink and made John burst into fits of laughter. Perhaps it was something in my decision to wear pants that evening, despite the other womens' confusion at the choice. 

I'd told them that desirability wouldn't benefit my plan. 

The plan I'd told John all about, explaining that it'd require his assistance. He'd been more than happy to oblige, and now all we needed to do was wait for the right time and the right mark. Lucky for us, a man walked through the doors, dressed to the nines, a lady at least half his age hanging off his arm; fat guy with a perfectly curled moustache, cream coloured suit and a top hat. He looked like money, walked with his gut puffed out a mile ahead of him, and he was sliding into the booth behind us. I shot John a look and he nodded, and I pulled out what was hiding in my satchel. A piece of cloth wrapped around a tiny rock. 

"Alright," I said, not keeping my voice down. "I think I've waited long enough. Do you have my money?"

"Show me the goods, first, then we'll talk money," he replied, leaning back and folding his arms across his chest. I saw the man, who was sitting in the space behind John, turn his head at the mention of the word.

"I showed you. My money, sir," I pressed through gritted teeth, and John sighed heavily. 

"I want another look. Gotta make sure I'm getting the real deal, here," he countered and with a tense sigh I pushed the cloth bundle towards him.

"Alright, one more look, but we agreed a price last week. Remember that," I warned. John unfurled the cloth carefully. He stared down at the small, sandy chip of rock I'd picked up from the edge of Flat Iron Lake, carefully selected, even had little polished parts that shined in the light. It wasn't great, but it'd be good enough for someone with an untrained eye and under the bar's dim light.

John picked it up and held it up to the light, arm stretching out of the booth as he made a show of inspecting it. All the while I could see the guy in the seat behind him taking curious peeks over his shoulder. John made a humming sound, and sucked on his bottom lip for a while, making me wait for some kind of response. 

"A hundred," he finally muttered.

"Excuse me?" I scoffed. "We agreed on two. And I know damn well even that's generous."

"I'm sorry? Who's the expert?" John snorted, putting the stone back down on the cloth and cocking a brow at me.

"I don't care to listen about your education again, sir. Two hundred," I smacked a hand on the table, and the mark finally made his move, slinking out of the booth.

"Excuse me, ma'am, but I can't help but overhear your conversation. This feller trying to go back on a done deal?" He questioned, leaning his palm on the table, back to John, effectively cutting him out.

"Damn right he is," I hissed, jabbing a finger in John's direction in disgust. 

"Maybe I can be of assistance? I'm somewhat of a businessman myself," he said proudly.

"I don't know. I doubt you'll know much about it, unless you're a gemstone expert," I shrugged, shifting in my seat and reaching under the triangle created by his arm and his body to fetch back the rock.

"I ain't an expert in gemstones, but I don't need to be to help you two figure out a good deal. For a cut, of course," he smirked, straightening up again. "What'chu got here?"

I paused for a while, not wanting to appear too eager. I sighed, finally answering; "Australian opal. Mined it myself, this is the last of my lot. Trouble is, I come back to the US for a family matter and I've got every man and his dog trying to swindle me out of a fair deal. This feller's the third."

"Opal? Huh. That dull thing?"

"It's unpolished, of course. They don't come out the ground wrapped in gold ready to go on a lady's finger, you know," I narrowed my eyes at him and he nodded thoughtfully. He picked it up, and I flinched for show. He eyed up my reaction, then put it back down.

"Two hundred, you settled on? What's the issue?" He turned to John.

"No issue, friend. Just doing business. I'm sure you understand, being a businessman yourself," John shrugged. The man looked him up and down. 

"You don't look like the type to be walking around with two hundred dollars in your back pocket," he sneered and John snorted, shaking his head. 

"How'd you think I manage to keep it there? Feller like you, flaunting it, surprised someone ain't tried robbing you yet," John retaliated, and I very nearly laughed. The man hummed, considering his point. "Anyway, no one asked you. Get out of here. Best I can do is one-fifty, ma'am. Take it or leave it."

"I sold chips half this size in Saint Denis for three hundred. I ain't taking no less than two hundred," I wrapped up the stone and pocketed it. 

"Thought you needed fast money," John said, leaning his elbows on the table. The man stayed put, watching the exchange. 

"Not that fast, I ain't willing to get totally ripped off. Two hundred."

"You keep saying that, ain't gonna make the money appear," he laughed, shaking his head at me. I narrowed my eyes. 

"I've got fifty dollars on me, should be buying my wife a fancy new frock from Saint Denis tomorrow, but she can wait. Also got a pocket watch worth a hundred or more depending on who you sell it to. Can give you the name of a feller, a collector, he'll pay top dollar," the man suddenly butted in. My belly squeezed in excitement. 

"Didn't I tell you to get out of here? This ain't your deal," John stood up, meeting the guy at eye level. 

"Hang on, that don't sound too bad," I pondered aloud, staring ahead and pursing my lips.

"We shook hands," John spun towards me, brow mashing down angrily. I laughed maliciously.

"Yeah, we did. At two hundred," I purred, enjoying the way the man glanced between us, eating up every word. John gnawed on his bottom lip for a while, leaning down to my level.

"I ain't got that much on me right now. I can do one-seventy," he told me under his breath, but loud enough for the man to hear it.

"I'll throw in my wife's necklace. Gold. Gotta be worth something, right?" Came his bid. 

"Hey, like hell you will!" His wife yelled from the other booth.

"I'll buy you a new one, sweetheart," he called back.

"Stay the hell out of it!" John spat in his face, but the man was ignoring him, his eyes set on me. I hummed, pursing my lips and looking up to the ceiling. 

"Seventy-five, the watch, plus my wife's necklace. You could get, what, at least three hundred out of all that?" He offered, forehead shiny, hands fidgety. I levelled my gaze to his, kept him on his toes for a few long seconds, then offered my hand to him. He grinned and shook it.

"Fuck you!" John yelled, storming out of the booth, his shoulder smacking into the guy as he stomped towards the bar. He only laughed, glanced at his wife in time to have a necklace thrown at him, then gathered together my items.

We made the exchange, tucked away our goods, and bid each other a pleasant evening. I sat back in the booth, draining my bottle of beer and smiling to myself, pleased as Punch.

[fan-dumb-trash]

For your consideration: Remile Friends-to-Lovers featuring highschool theater shenanigans and self growth

Part Two Sis Part Three Part Four

Remy and Emile are friends, best friends in fact, but fate has a couple tricks up her sleeve to tear them apart, only to bring them back again. 

This got longer than expected but theres more to the story after this oh yes indeed so buckle up cause part two is gonna be typed tomorrow when it isnt one in the morning so HERE YA GO @happiness-is-regret

Warnings: Divorce, parents fighting, mild panic attack, self depreciation, if there's more let me know!

So its seventh grade aka awkward central because puberty and acne and awkwardness and it's just awful all around and theres lil Remy who is NOT confident at all by anyone's standards

His parents argue a lot and he learned staying quiet is the best way not to get involved or yelled at in the crossfire so yeah

And then you got Emilie who kinda knows what's goin on but not really. He wears tie dye shirts and aviator glasses sometimes until he had to get actual frames over the summer but it was no big cause he was used to glasses anyways

But Emilie is wiser than the other kids and thinks cliques are stupid and he just loves cartoons and english okay stop teasing him for being a lil bit awkward okay STOp

But yeah he doesn't get friends easy and he tries to squirm in other friend groups but it doesn't feel right. Until Remy. Who is incredibly shy believe it or not! They have no classes together but somehow Remy mustered the courage to compliment Emilies pink hair and BOOM FRIENDSHIP

They eat lunch together. Some days it's in comfortable silence and other times its complaining about teachers or PE miles or this brat kid who vandalized a bathroom stall

And Remy starts warming up and realizing maybe the whole world isn't against him. Just because his home is a literal war zone doesn't mean being friends with Emile is doomed.

At the end of seventh grade the duos lunchtime friendship is going great! Emile is starting to get into cartoons and their convos are “OMG OKAY SO VOLTRON SEASON 2 IS OUT AND IM SCARED REMY I WANT TO CRY FOR MY SPACE CHILDREN ZARKON CAN YEET HIMSELF OFF A CLIFF AND-” “Woah their Em, slow it down sis”

As Remy gets more comfortable there is more teasing and nicknames and laughing but they dont hug and Emile isn't super affectionate but hugs are a thing for friends right???

One day on a weekend it's pretty bad for Remy at home. His parents are yelling and its loud and his breathings picking up and his eyes are shut and he's crying because is it his fault??? Why can't they stop stop stop STOP!

And he has to get out because he cant take it hearing they two people who he loves most fight with each other when they are supposed to love each other and his little brother Janus is sleeping thank god but he needs OUT right fucking now

So he hops out his window and runs. Two houses down and around the corner there's an open field that should probably have a house or a park but low income neighborhoods be like that sometimes ya know?

He runs in the field but then there's trees and a little path but wheres the end and the sun is setting now so he sits and looks at the sky and cries

Emile likes his peace and quiet. Hes and only child but his house gets cluttered with his parents (DOT AND LARRY FITE ME) and their thespian friends on the weekends especially around showtime and tec week so he walks in the field.

So when he comes across Remy he screeches and cusses and they're both apologizing and it's a mess but wait was Remy crying?!?!

So Emile is concerned and sits him back down and they talk. Remy says his parents are probably going to get a divorce and how they've been fighting and all that and Emile starts to understand why he's so sheltered

Remy's crying again so Emile asks “Hey, You can say no but can i hug you?” And Remy nods so they hug and they melt right into itm and they stay there for a while and watch the sunset.

From then on they are attached to the hip. Nothing can separate them. Emile invites Remy over for dinner and out to see his parents shows at the community theater and its fun! Remy kinda gets to be a kid and he has sas now! He sees its okay to be a bit absurd with Larry and how jokes are fine with Dot.

The boys are in the field again after dinner and Emile is talking about Dot and Larry, and Remy cant help but be envious. They're all so happy and perfect and he’ll never get that. He goes home and the glitter fades and he sleeps with music to drown out the shouting but its still there.

Remy says “I wish my parents were like yours. I wish I had that. It's not fucking fair Em”

Emile says “I wish I knew how to help… but I can't. All I can do is offer you a slice of normal and hope you aren't allergic” To which they both laugh. But the insecurity sticks. Remy wonders if he's just going to mess things up later or if him and Emile stop being friends what will happen

And it haunts him. Its summer and his parents get a divorce, but the yelling in person is replaced with battles in court and over text. He has to go to mediation a couple times and Emile is there the next day with icecream and steven universe

Emile starts to notice things. The way Remy's eyes are filled with fire as he banters with Larry or when he rants about things he's passionate about. The way he runs so fast in field like nothing can catch him not even the wind itself. The way his whole face glows when he laughs or how when it's silent with them and the sky, he closes his eyes and hums a song he doesn't know.

And he realizes he's in love and he's so scared because Remy doesn't need romance he needs stability. His world is crumbling and he needs his best friend. And Emilie hides it and surprises himself. Remy doesn't notice the way Emiles hugs last longer or the way he sighs as he walks away. He doesn't notice the stars. His mind is on other things. Remy doesn't have time to feel the same or explore feelings so he doesn't.

Eighth grade things go as normal. Emile is still hopelessly in love. Some nights he cries and some nights he thinks his feelings are finally gone. Some nights Remy sleeps over and they sneak into his moms room and but on stage makeup.

Emile almost kissed him when Remy made him a Jake and Finn card for his birthday. And it was hella cute and cheesy and had “love u babe” on the inside and “happy birthday, bitch” on it and it was classic.

But yeah he totally wasn't disappointed it wasn't Bubbline on the card what???

But then things just… stopped.

Remy stopped going to the field on weekends. He was busy when Emilie wanted to hang out. Em was worried at first that something was wrong at home and that he was lying until he saw Remy around at school with other kids. He was growing his hair out and had a leather jacket and when Emile said hi Remy smiled tight, nodded, and continued to talk to his new friends.

Then he noticed how they were the kids who liked sports or girls or always laughed loud in the cafeteria. He noticed how Remy's sass grew into straight up ego and how his confidence wasn't just with Emile it was with EVERYONE

People waved to him as he walked by. Everyone was “babe” “hun” “sweetie” and “sister” and Emilie felt less special.

And not Eighth Grade was nearly over and Emilie had lost his best friend to the rest of the world. Yes he was happy that Remy was confident and Yes he was happy he made new friends.

But back when Remy needed him, back when they dazzling smile was meant for him, back when the problems were so big you needed two people not just yourself- Emilie could hang on to Remy

But now that Remy didn't need him, he was left for trash. Emilie was heartbroken. He swore to himself he wouldn't let another boy break his heart to the point where cartoons couldn't even cheer him up. He cried when Ruby and Sapphire got married and when Bubbline kicked ass and he prayed for the day when he would have that.

Summer was torture and he never saw Remy in the field. Little did he know Remy was there, just in the trees or wandering at nights when his mom came home yelling and cussing. Emile thought the pain of the divorce was over when Remy was going to court once every 6 months and to family counseling weekly but did it help? No.

Highschool came and Remy climbed to social ladder. He hid the bags under his eyes with sunglasses and kept his pep and sass with starbucks coffee. Combat boots to make him taller.

And Emilie was still alone until Patton came along with Roman. They sat together and then Logan and Virgil joined. Sloane and Corbin who are juniors swung on by. Kai and Elliot would join them the next year and together they became the theatre troupe.

Emilie felt whole with this diverse group of many passions and interests and he couldn't help but smile more. He didn't feel so alone. But part of him still longed for that old friendship he has lost- but there was enough going on to forget it.

Emilie didn't notice Remy staring at him with his fiery eyes when his own friend group were so loud they didn't pay him mind. Remy started to see how the tie die pink haired boy grew up and moved his children with dignity and didn't take their tomfoolery. He saw how he would catch conflicts and mediate them. He saw his goofiness shine through all his actions. And he started to care for this new Emile, but also remember when it was just the two of them. New thoughts lead Remy to think it was him holding Emile back from this all along.

He began to think Emilie was better off without him dragging him down with his million problems. So he too began to embrace to noise and forget.

Next it was Sophomore year when the universe threw them back at each other...

[saturatedxsunset]

my mom died today. it was unexpected. my mom came home on tuesday evening. she was doing okay. she had brain fog and was tired. yesterday, her visiting nurse wanted her to go to the er because she had labored breathing, but my mom said no. she was tired of the hospital. her vitals were normal and her lungs were clear. later that night, my mom had blood in her stools, but we thought it was hemorrhoid. her vitals were normal.  i didn’t think it was an emergency. i should have. i slept in her room. we woke up at 7:30am. mom said she was feeling good, went to the bathroom and we went back to sleep until 11:37. mom said she still felt okay, but she looked a little weak. She wanted to go to the living room. as she was walking, she moved her bowels and it was blood. just blood. my mom didn’t want to go to to the hospital. i was going to call anyway and i shouldve right then, but my mom wanted to go to the bathroom to get cleaned up. she couldn’t walk to the toliet. she couldn’t move her legs. she said she was fine and that she didn’t feel like she was going to pass out. slowly she started slumping forward and i held her as she went down. i ran to the phone and called 911. she was still breathing when i was on the phone with operator. she wasn’t responding. and  i couldn’t get her to sit up. then she was completely unconscious. she was still breathing tho. then when the emts came, she stopped breathing i couldn’t move her to do cpr. i told the emts that my mom was unconscious and not breathing. they didn’t know what was going on and it was a mess. they finally started doing cpr. they had me do chest compressions but i wasn’t strong enough. the emt partner came in and they did chest compressions. they couldn’t shock her. then more emts came. and the police. and i was watching them strip my mom of her nightgown and get her pulse back. she was still unconscious when they took her out. i gave her a kiss. and waited for the dr. to call. i called the nurses and they knew my mom died, but they couldn’t tell me. the dr called and told me my mom died. her heart stopped in the ambulance. they gave her blood and infusions to help her heart in the er, but she lost too much blood and they couldn’t start it again. i don’t know why this happened. i wish we never got covid. i wish i knew where we got covid. i feel so guilty. i am not strong. i am not brave.  i wish i had called 911 yesterday, but i thought she was okay and my mom thought she was okay. maybe she would be here today or maybe she wouldn’t. if she needed surgery then she would have declined. i just wish i could have done more. i feel so guilty. all i want is my mom. she’s been my 1 constant my entire life and now she’s gone. i don’t know what to do without her. i miss her so much. i want to hug her and kiss her. i keep thinking about everything that she wanted to do and didn’t do because she wasn’t expecting to die. it was hard going to the hospital to see her. my aunt was with me, but it was so hard. she looked like she was sleeping and i just wanted her to wake up. i kissed her forehead and held her hand. i cried and the chaplin came in. she prayed and tried to bring me comfort but i felt none. i don’t know what happened to my mom’s necklaces and things. i cant reach the ems people. it’s like they ripped it off her and idk what happened to them. i only found two pendents. i just want my mom. all i want is my mom and i don’t know what to do. i still need her. i’m not ready to be on my own. i dont want to leave my house, i dont want to let go of any of my mom’s thigns and the stuff in the house. i had to call the funeral home and i just feel like crap. i cant eat. 

[loudsoulgentlemen]

Sunday Word

Jesus.

Yes?

What Did The Witch Say On Wedding Day?

.

I Do!

***

What Did The Virgin Tell To Padre?

Untill I Do Know!

***

Hey Jesus,

What.

What Did The Caravan Say To The Market?

I Keep Rolling Rolling Rolling!

HAhaHA!

***

What Did The Caravan Say To Temple?

Heres Your Paper Here's Your Ink.

Yall Get Busy!

***

Do You Have To Wear That Bracelet?

I Just Want To Spend 5 Years With The Love Of My Life And Make Memories.

That Bad Huh?

***

Love Of My Life!

Jesus!

:)

***

When I Tried To Get Inside The Roof Started Shinninng.

Could Be A Spell Or Excellent Technology.

The More You Go In The More The It Shines!

Marvolous!

Did You Go In?

No. The Roof Was Shinning!

***

Hold My Glass.

Your Back.

***

Why you Doing All ThAt!?

HE MAN! .Silly.

***

Did You Ever Love Me BAck.

Its Like A Turtle Squerming Around The Beach It Just Does.

***

You Come In And Out Of My Life.

Plenty Pussy. Yes? :)

***

Why You So NOsy! I WAnt To Spend MOre Time With YOu!

O.O

ThAts Different.

***

During The War I Was Left AlOne Standing Amass A Huge Heap Of Dead BOdies. Then I Saw Him. MY DESTINY! A Big Guy. I Was Meant to Kill. We Stared At EachOther! Pumping Adrenaline And Rage. I Could Breath Fire And Blood. Then It Started. The Approach, Suddenly, BACK UP! Surpassed My Momentum And Attacked First! NOw He Is Going TO Be JUst As Tired As I When We Start. Pulled Up My Sword And STRUCK!

The Rest Is History!

HAhahahahahahahahaha!

JESUS!

***

Jesus Went To A Bazaar And Set Next To A Fine Lady.

Can I See Your Model.

Its The Same One I Remember.

.

***

Jesus!

JACK!

MARIA!

JOSEPH!

HONEY!

?

O.O! O.O!

***

Jesus.

Your Mother. The Best. Is Already Reading The Signs. So Come Down. She'll Makesure You Get SomeThing Special.

My Mam?

Your Mam.

I Just Need Love.

There's Online Live Porn Now. Make A Connection While Unloading Alittle Seamen.

Plenty Of Love?

;)

***

MAMA!

I Can Read Her Mind.

Arms Out

Shrug.

***

DAd.

Is She Cute?

While Working.

***

What Did The Queen Of Men Say At The Altar?

Only You.

***

Sanila.

The Week Has Been Productive.

Wanted To Invest In A New Small Country 5 To 6 Clean Nuclear Reactors Producing Clean Water WithOut So Much As The Waiste. Then Build A City Around The Reactors. SomeWhere Special. Great Scenery. Good Deal.

Electricity Prices. We Should Be Aiming To MAke Them Fall. Because WithOut Electricity. We Immediately De-Evolve. Thats Just SomeThings I Do For The World.

Aliens Like Our Shit. So They Need Electricity Too.

We Need To Find Out A NEw WAy To Make Em. Because All My Inventions TumeFika Hapa. THE WORLD NEEDS MORE! ELECTRICITY!

Almost Immediately!

Isn't ThAt Fishy!?

Been Working. Been Relieving Stress. Talk To A Few People. Deal With A Few Problems. But The Country Is Strong. Now We Can Do More For Our People!

Ever Gotten On Board Of An Plane And Wondered, Where Is First Class? - Your Innit! The Whole Plane Is First Class. Classy. All Yall Need To Get There All Yall Need To Share. Brilliant! If Not, We Prefer NOrmal First Class. But Hey, We Have AlOt Of Jets. Shouldn't Be Worried About ThAt. Not Our Problem. We FLy Private.

Life Moves On Here The Second I Start Moving On. All Kinds Of Life!

CANT WAIT!

SO MUCH JOY!

MwAh!

Any Issue With The Kids?

House Help?

The House?

The Cars?

The Pools.

I Have Plenty Of New Friends And Some Lovers.

Being Eating Well.

Doing My JOb.

Pacing My Stress.

Thinking About You.

Thinking About My Children.

.

They Are Kinda Weird Children.

It's Like I Never Left.

O.O!

Oah!

Plenty Of JOy.

Plenty Of Magic.

As Of The Moment I Am At HOme Healing Form Marathons. And Long DAys.

Thinking About Writing SomeThing Silly Next Week. Colbie Callat Style. I Am Just In Love. Might Take More Than A Week Though!

The Way Things Are Moving Is I Should Be Living But I Am Not.

And That Update Purplexes Me. Working And Sleeping Isn't The Only Things In Life. How Long HAs It Been? Will It Continue This Way? So As Soon As I Am Done Healing I'll Make More Of An Effort To REally Live. Have NO Idea WhAts Holding Me BAck.

Our Healths Are Wonderful.

We Are And Continue To Be Happy And Blessed. God People!

Been Through Alot But We Came Out Shinning Stars!

Where Ever When Ever GADDO! WIMA!

EveryOne Is Taking Control Of Their Worlds. WE've Lost Alot Of Good People. Were ThEy GOoD!? How Many GOoD Did WE Really LOse?

Ever Heard About The One A Tree Refused To Kiss The Floor. Then A Storm Came And Cut It In Half And NOw They've Never Been Happier. :)

What About This One. Hey Tommy What Do You Do When Your Kids Fight? I Beat Both Of Them Up Untill The Older One Gets It Through His Head.

One More. A Frog Came To My Window Sill. What's A Frog Doing Up Here? Tryied To Shoo It Away It Just Jumped Turned Around High The SKy And Said ReBit! O.O

What Did The Prince Say To Cinderella? Your Only Good For HOuse Work. SomeOne Has To Take Care Of The Castle. :)

If You WErent Too Busy Chasing Queens You Would Notice There's Some At Your School.

If Your A Butler Why Isn't My Son Wearing A Belt!?

Catch A Couple Z's, Xanis?

If You Make It And Other People Like It, Is Music? If You Make It And YOu Like It, Is?

Mama Sanila Why Is Sanila So Quiet? She's So Proud Of You!

Enter Sanila.

Now.

Take OFf Your Clothes.

[ask-the-harlem-newsies]

25 and 30 for everyone please

25: Insecurities and 30: Something they treasure 

*All the newsies seem to tense up at the first question*Doc: I’ll start, I guess. Uh- I worry sometimes that I dont pass as guy well enough. Cause Im a guy, but my body isnt an’ I don’t want people thinkin’ Im a girl. And somethin’ I treasure? Bein’ able to be me, an’ bein’ lucky enough to have support. Mellow: *crosses her arms* I dont like people seein’ my drawin’s cause I think they’re crap. Or when people think Im we- I cant look after myself. *she grumbles*  An’ I treasure when I win a fight, ‘specially if I get money for it.

Beans: I- uh. I ‘ave dis thin’ where I go from real loud to real quiet, an’ sometimes Ise worried that people f’rget tha’ Im ‘ere. I really like bein’ with you folks. *he glances at Mellow* Even when Mel’s tryna kill me. *he laughs as a pillow hits him in the head*Booker: I dont like my legs. They’re too… splotchy. They have all these weird shapes on them and I just- I really dont like them. Thats why I wear long pants because I dont like people seeing them.*he fiddles with some loose thread on his shirt.* And I treasure… these people. *he looks around the room* My family- I dont know where I’d be without them. *he laughs* That’s really- mushy and gross I know. But its true. I- Whos next? Someone talk so I can stop talking-Marcus: I dont like using the wrong words in the wrong places. Like instedd- instead of ‘were,’ I accidentally use ‘was’ and- I know plenty of people here use words in the wrong order or in the wrong way and I just… I was kinda- kind of- *he clears his throat* I was… taught- not to use words in the wrong order. and everytime I do it just- makes me feel- not okay. *he hides his hands, which are shaking* I treasure everyone who stops and buys a pape..r- paper- from me because more money means I can keep sleeping under a roof. Benny:  I w’rry my voice is too ‘igh, that I don’ sound like a fella, yanno? ‘Cause I gotta a real ‘igh voice and I don’- I ‘ate it. I ‘ate my voice. Its jus’- its too damn high an’ girly an’ puttin’ on a voice hurts  an’ I don’ know how ta- not sound like a goil. *he pauses, closing his eyes and breathing in, and then out* Im real fond of all-a-yall for helpin’ me an’ my brudders out, ‘specially wid me bein’ kinda useless for the first couple-a weeks. I jus’- thanks.  Sketch: *fiddling with a spoon* I dont like my nose, its crooked an’ wonky an’ weird lookin’. I like havin’ a place to stay, food to eat most of the time, an’ a warm- well, ‘part from the hole in the roof- *she laughs* -a warm place to sleep. An’ even though I keep company with a bunch a fleabags, its- good company. *she nods as if confirming her words*Jazz: I dunno, I guess I’m too loud. *they laugh, a little bit of sadness hidden in it* Hell, my parents found out I wasn’t a-hundred-percent their daughter because they came home and heard me talkin’ to myself from upstairs. And I love dancin’- makes me feel free, yanno? Oh, and bein’ able to come off the street and back to a place where I can just feel safe is a real bonus. Pike: I sometimes feel like I get in the way? Like- I know that Im tryin’ to help people but I dont wanna help ‘em if they dont want me there! An’ I dont wanna help ‘em if they dont need it, yanno? I just… *a lot more quiet, looking at her hands* I really don’ wanna get in the way. *she shakes her head quickly, like she was shaking away the thought, before snapping her head up* I really really like when we get to have food at Frankies! ‘Specially her pies- Frankie makes the best pies in all o’ Harlem, I’d reckon! An’ her cakes are amazin’! Sam: Ise worried that I won’ figure out whether Ise a boy or not- or if I like fellas or not! Everthin’s real confusin’ an’ I don’ like it none. I like havin’ a fam’ly like this one. They aint really my brudders an’ sisters but I love ‘em like they is. Eric: Ise don’ like my belly- its real squishy an’ I aint ‘sposed ta be squishy. Sammy aint squishy, an’ Benny aint that squishy. But…I know Booker don’ like his legs much but I don’ see anything wrong wid ‘em! Cause they’s just like my arms an’ my legs! But- I uh. I like that even though we aint livin’ wid our old Ma anymore, we’s still got a Ma. But we call ‘er Cap’in most o’ da time.Ash: …Ise scared that Ise too slow. I don’t like bein’ slow. I wanna be fast like the others. An’ I like that even though they don’ really know much about me, the newsies let me stay an’ treat me like fam’ly. It’s real nice. *he plays with his hands. Benny pats him on the back and he shuffles a little closer to him*Shorty: *she wipes at her nose* Sometimes I really don’ like how small I am- it aint too big a deal, but its just sometimes people won’ take me seriously an’ it makes me real annoyed. But I do like my name, so Ise stickin’ with it no matta what! Oh, an’ I like Halloweens- *the other newsies seem to echo an agreement* cause we get to dress up an’ people give us candy jus’ for lookin’ scary! An’ I really like sharin’ the candy with the other newsies from all over New York, cause it means we get to go visit ‘em! *The newsies start to chatter about Halloween when Captain walks into the room.* Captain: Hey, shouldnt ya’ll be out sellin’? Whaddaya sittin’ around here for, huh?Sam: Answerin’ questions, Cap! An’ this ones for everybody! Yous part-a everybody! *he hands her the piece of paper with the questions on it* Captain: *she reads the paper and frowns* Insecurities, huh? Well I’ll answer these when you get ta sellin’, which you better go get started on if ya wanna be able to pay Price the rent tomorrow. Go on, get goin’.*they all stand up, groaning and moaning about being interrupted during breakfast, even though they’ve all finished eating.*

Captain: *she looks at the paper again*  …Pretty deep question there, kid. *she shuffles uncomfortably as a lot of the newsies leave* Aite. Fine. Ise worried that the other leaders- ‘specially the big shots like Spot Conlon an’ Jack Kelly- dont think Ise good enough. Or, yanno- strong enough to look after my newsies. An’ somethin’ I treasure?-Doc: *he turns, looking back at Captain* Hey, I’ll meet you at Frankies later? Captain: Yeah, ‘course. *she pauses, watching Doc leave with a small smile on her face.* …I dunno. 

[barblebapkins]

99 to 1 boi les'go

okay FINE ILL DO IT BACKWARDS99: Do you miss anyone right now? miss anyone in particular?? no, but i do wish i was with someone rn98: Whats your favorite color? green97: Do you want kids? idk? maybe?96: Do you have kids? no95: Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way? no?? like who over the age of 6 does that94: Who was your HS crush? haha that stays in the vault!93: If married, how long have you been married? not married! yet!92: Do you want to get married? yes hehehahehehea91: Best room for a fireplace? the living room of course90: Can you knit or crochet? nope!89: Which are better black or green olives? i dont like olives in general88: Ever have plastic surgery? nope and doubt i ever will87: Ever won a contest? nothing worth remembering86: DJ or band, at a wedding? probably DJ85: Are you patient? depends, with people i think i have a lot of patience, but with other things i can lose my temper kinda quickly84: Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? nope, i panic83: Can you swim well? not well at all82: Sugar or snickerdoodles? sugar81: Tea or coffee? tea80: Hot tea or cold tea? i prefer cold tea, though i havent tried much hot tea. i feel like i’d prefer hot honestly79: What was the last concert you saw? none! that aint my style78: Who would you like to see in concert? see above77: Ever been in love? yes! i am right now!76: Regularly burn incense? nope75: Own a record player? im not THAT old74: Own any record albums? NOT THAT OLD!!73: Have you ever cried because you were so happy? yes heaehe72: Ever won a spelling bee? no, i probably could have though71: Can you curl your tongue? yea70: Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? dhedhehde shes currently in graphic design but she can do whatever she wants!69: Ever take dance lessons? nope! i cant dance to save my life and im fine with that!68: Ever hear of the group Tres Bien? no?? i feel like someone else put this here67: Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? not a fan of either but probably sunflower seeds if i had to pick, cos i HATE peanuts66: Cheetos Or Fritos? cheetos without a doubt65: Nike or Adidas? nike64: Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? target. walmart is always a disaster every time i’m there, and kmart, while a nostalgic liminal space, is an awful shopping experience too63: First concert? already answered this twice haha62: What do you wear to bed? t-shirt and shorts, or just shorts, depending on how cold/hot it is61: Wear a bath robe? nope, i just wear my towel until im ready to get dressed60: Wear slippers? i own a pair but i dont really use em59: Take a vitamin daily? no but i wish i did58: Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? all the time, like something specific will happen irl and ill feel like i envisioned this exact moment YEARS ago57: Do you believe in ghosts? yeah, i’ve had more than one weird experience that i cant explain any other way56: Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? i kinda wanted to be a chef until i realized i cant cook for SHIT55: Favorite type of fruit pie? probably cherry54: Ever eat a pierogi? yes and it WASNT GOOD53: Is Christmas stressful? now that i actually buy stuff for everyone yes it is52: Do you think musicals are cheesy? not really, i still have a bit of a soft spot for les mis51: Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? in school probably50: Ever used a gun? yes, and i didn’t like it.49: Do you dance in the car? i am the most introverted person in the world, you’re lucky if you can even get me INTO a car48: Do you sing in the shower? no but i hum sometimes47: Do you sing in the car? nope46: Are you afraid of heights? deathly yes. if i even look UP at like a skyscraper i get nauseous45: Ever watch soap operas? not willingly44: Who is better…Leno or Letterman? i dont really watch late night stuff but ive heard letterman is a bit of a dick43: Are you stubborn? i can be with some things42: Which are better legos or lincoln logs? what the FUCK is a lincoln log41: Do you have any magazine subscriptions? my brother keeps renewing my gamestop subscription so i keep getting gameinformer magazines and i want it to STOP40: Are you horny? no39: What is your Chinese astrological sign? dog bork bork38: When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween? i honestly dont remember?? like i think back on it but cant visualize any of it37: Are you lazy? haha YES36: What is your usual bedtime? whenever i WANT it to be leave me alone35: Best thing to eat for breakfast? sadness34: Favorite kind of sandwich? i rly like cold italian subs33: Ever ran out of gas? i dont rly drive so no32: Ever gotten a speeding ticket? see ^31: Can you change the oil on a car? no lmao30: When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper? youre livin in the past grandpa, these days we project our brainwaves directly into other peoples heads from across the globe!29: Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine? AAHH what the fuck no28: Were you ever a boy/girl scout? for a little while but circumstances made me have to leave27: Last person you kissed/kissed you? haha hasnt happened!26: What movies could you watch over and over and still love? my favorite movie ever is probably Up25: What is your favorite food? grilled shrimp pls GIVE24: What do you dip a chicken nugget in? bbq sauce mm23: If you’re a girl, bra size? If you’re a guy, pants size? 30 x 2922: Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some? haha nice TRY pirates21: Whats your least favorite movie? cant think of any off the top of my head but im sure ill think of one later20: Do you still watch cartoons? i admittedly still keep up to date on steven universe and cant wait for the next episodes19: Is it okay for guys to wear pink? of course!18: What is your Song of the week? sweats17: What size is your bed? i dont know and im too lazy to check, but its TOO SMALL16: How many people have you slept with this week? none, and i wouldnt ever just sleep with someone but thanks for asking i guess!!15: Do you chew your pens and pencils? yes if im nervous14: Do you ever dance even if theres no music playing? i dont dance13: What about pooped in the woods? ew WHAT12: Have you ever peed in the woods? only cos we were camping and it was like 2 am11: Do you ever count your steps when you walk? sometimes actually yeah, not for any good reason though10: What is your biggest pet peeve? nothing gets on my nerves more than dishonesty and/or uncalled for disrespect9: Do you always smile for pictures? no cos i have a BAD smile8: Do you have freckles? no but i have a lot of birthmarks7: Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees? you cant outrun a swarm of bees6: Do you cut out coupons but then never use them? no wtf how old do these people think we are5: Do you like to use post-it notes? this is the FUTURE, DUDE!!4: Have you ever stolen a street sign before? what the fuck who does that3: Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out? out, but not usually on purpose cos my sheets are very loose2: Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel? no1: Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed? i dont have closets only dressers, soo