#cant be bothered to transcribe it sorry

[elle-p]

Famitsu 959 Persona 3 FES parts scan.

[andypartridges]

Hello! im really really sorry to bother you! i dont mean to i just love the content you put out especially your xtc content!! you are truly doing gods work thank you so much!! i was just messaging to ask if you could write out what your English settlement zine says? I'm sorry some words i cant make out its okay if you cant or rather not! again super sorry for bothering you

omg hi yes anon of course i can !!! if i can improve accessibility then it's no bother to me at all. it's probably too long to transcribe all of it in this ask so i'll transcribe part 2 here.

i apologise in advance for any grammar issues or just general clunkiness with the writing - i just wrote everything down in the zine without any preplanning and just sort of brain dumped my thoughts onto the page :-)

transcript below the cut !

no need to look back at pictures of lost From the haunting opening notes of 'Runaways', it's evident that XTC's fifth studio album was telling a story with a darker tone. Now, in 2022, we mark the 40th anniversary since the release of 1982's English Settlement, a double LP that would not only become the band's highest charting album in the UK, but the favourite album for many XTC fans around the world. It's a commentary on many things: the ideals versus the reality of Britain, Thatcherism, loss, and at times, a cry for help. It was the band's first album to break the self imposed rule that all songs must be able to be replicated live, and as such, you can hear a sense of 'vastness' - a sense of colour in the music. It's XTC like never before.

England's Glory: a musical portrait of early 80s britain Britain in the late 70s became a country under the leadership of Conservative PM Margaret Thatcher. While she irrevocably fucked up the UK in many ways, one prime example was contributing to the rampant xenophobia that was only on the rise with her comments such as being 'swamped' by (nonwhite) immigrants. Comments such as these only fuelled the activities of far right groups such as the National Front, the organisation that our main character Graham joins in 'No Thugs In Our House'. Both this song and 'Knuckle Down' are a snapshot of 80s Britain: the former depicts the insidious nature of racism and the latter, a call to end such ways of thinking. Graham is an example of how groups like the NF target the impressionable with lies and imbue them with hatred. With no parental figures to rein him in, this bigotry only festers. It's an ugly side of England, but one that still exists and is very much real. We talk about the glory of this country, but these songs point out that for some, much glory is founded in the suffering of others.

Save Us From The Ball And Chain: a musical portrait of early 80s britain (pt. 2) In addition to the negative impacts Thatcher brought upon Britain, her economic policies have also gone down in infamy, namely the millions put out of work as a result. Yet, the most infamous was the Miners' Strike of 1984-85, a bitter battle between Thatcher and trade unions. Miners and their families relied on handouts, receiving no state benefits at all. The landscape of the events, combined with Thatcher's belief that people were unemployed because they simply didn't work hard enough, is brutally reflected in the English Settlement track 'Leisure'. The economic tensions and anxieties surrounding employment reverberate through the song - most notably in Andy's cries of "leiiii-LEISURE!" and the shrieking, discordant alto sax solo at the song's climax. The other clear response to Thatcherism on this album is the record's second track, 'Ball and Chain'. A song protesting the destruction of the Swindon town centre, it was, according to Colin, a statement about "when eldermans in council chambers were getting outrageously fatter on inner city clearances". In other words, textbook Tories.

It's More A Way You Have To Give: English Settlement on Love XTC have never shied away from writing love songs; in fact, they've written some of my favourite, if not all time favourite love songs. But English Settlement isn't really an album about love in the way that, say, Wasp Star is. In my opinion, there are only 2 songs about the subject of love on English Settlement, and only one of them is really a 'love song'. That song, 'Snowman', isn't even a happy love song - it's about a loveless relationship, one where the narrator feels spurned by his girlfriend's coldness. It's a song about the painful elements of love, about rejection and hurt. In fact, it contains one of my favourite XTC lyrics: "people will always be tempted to wipe their feet on anything with 'welcome' written on it". It's just such a clever yet straightforward way of conveying the sentiment of being used, or being treated like you have no worth. Again, English Settlement isn't really an album about love at all, let alone an album that is sonically very joyful or celebratory - it is by far and away the opposite of that.

The other song I would argue is about love to an extent is 'All of a Sudden (It's Too Late)', a far more abstract composition - at least, lyrically - in comparison to 'Snowman', but a song that quite clearly touches upon the sentiment that we need love to survive and that we must realise this before there's nothing left to love and nothing left to give us love: "what can I say? why do we starve a thing that's near extinction? from day to day these weeds of fear are choking our conviction". Personally, I think it touches upon the idea that being sincere in regards to our emotions is always difficult - we're scared of making others feel uncomfortable, of being vulnerable and/or having that vulnerability exploited. So we hide our true feelings away, deep down inside of us - and then before we know it, the chance for honesty and truth is gone. The song is a reminder: tell someone you love them while you still can.

[bubonickitten]

hey, were you the one who made that post abt an audio transcript service you used to do work for to make some money? i SWEAR you made some kind of post abt online work u used to do, but I cant figure out what it would be tagged and cant find it . . . if it's no trouble, can you link me/give the information again? sorry to bother you! and sorry if i mixed u up w someone else!!!

I used to do Scribie and TranscribeMe. Admittedly, they don’t pay much, especially if it takes you a long time to transcribe, because you’re not paid by the time it takes you to do it, you’re paid by the length of the audio you’re transcribing. And I have auditory processing issues, so even though I’m a really fast typist, it still took me forever to transcribe (I constantly had to rewind audio), and when I got a job at the library I stopped doing transcription work -- it just didn’t pay enough for all the time I was putting into it. 

But if you’re looking for some work you can do from home at your own pace, it might be worth looking into. There are other transcription sites out there too. Usually to apply you just need to take a test (basically you listen to audio clips and you’re rated on accuracy and such). Just make sure you read the style guides for each site before taking the test -- they usually have their own strict formats for transcription (e.g. not wanting you to tag crosstalk, how to tag things you can’t quite understand, etc.) and you get penalized for not following the style they require. 

[loudgothbf]

A letter

A letter arrived at Hibiki’s doorstep– not in the mail, but on the doorstep. Part of him was used to the sort of horror these types of letters brought– stranger stalkers, drunken threats, blackmail pictures in yellow envelopes– but he’d never been one to throw them away and hope, no matter how tempting it seemed.

He picks the thing up, turning it over carefully, before ripping open the envelope and finding… a letter.

[The letter as transcribed, a yellowed sheet of paper dotted with faded dark spots from assumed water droplets]

Hibiki,

Hi, I hope you’re doing alright. Thats…sort of dumb I know its been hard, Im sorry, god Im…so sorry. Thats mainly what I wanted to tell you (I really I regret) I really regret everything, so badly. (I care I love I miss) When I said it, I immediately regretted it, I never wanted to hurt you, ever. Im just I was just so confused scared stressed stressed about me, about you, about Them. I never wanted to hurt you, I never wanted to make things horrible for you. I love you so much I still do. I just wanted I couldnt help you and I knew you didnt want me. You didnt if you were happy with me you wouldnt have needed anyone else. I know we were supposed to be open but god Im such a weak fucking person I couldnt stand the thought but I was too afraid of losing you to say anything.

Funny you probably felt the same way.

I didnt want you scared of me, I didnt want to be controlling I mean I know for a fact you started changing how you acted and I didnt want you to change, Im.. so sorry I didnt stick around to help you, Im sorry I shouldnt have kicked you out we should’ve talked but I was panicking and I didnt know what to do. I know you didnt either. I wouldnt have made you leave if you never found a place honestly I wanted to beg you to stay but I know I did so much fucking damage and I didnt want to hurt you anymore by yoyoing you around. 

It’s honestly probably a good thing we broke up, you’re safer with Kyoshi, you dont have to deal with me and my issues and chores and god the only thing I want is to wake up beside you and make you breakfast in the mornings and I just I wanted us to be fine and

You werent happy with me.

I should’ve been honest about what I wanted, I should’ve told you that I was too big of a jealous asshole to see you with someone else. Someone you liked more than me.

I’ve been going to your hearings, or I was before some some things came up. You probably have an idea of what I mean. work related issues. You know Im not Im not writing you to beg for forgiveness, beg you to come back because thats wrong of me, you dont deserve that not after what they’re putting you through. I understand being angry at me, I would be too Im such a fucking idiot. 

Im so stupid for letting you go, for pushing you away and lets face it I did, I-i never listened, I put my ideals on you and you shouldnt have ever had to deal with that, you shouldnt have had to deal with me constantly worrying and babying you because I know you are fully capable. You’re so strong Hibiki, I really fucking admire that about you.

I love you so much. And Im so, so sorry. For everything.

I know I wont be able to ever make up for it, for not being there for you, for being so absent for not listening to you but I want you to know Im still in your corner with all this Yuta shit, I believe you, I know what you went through to try and help me and fucking christ I wish it were me going through this instead of you. I love you.

I wake up every morning thinking Im going to see you and when I dont I….I dont know what to do, I cant tell you how much I cherished having you there, having secret and the plants and how much you meant to me, I never deserved you in the first place.  I never told you how much seeing you both lit up my day, how much it meant to me that you and him were there when I woke up, I never told you how much I loved you, I never told you how much you seeing me at work meant to me and the Ikebana, I never told you how talented you are, you amazing you are and how badly I wish you’d monetize it, you’re so talented, having the apartment alive with plants made this place really feel like home.

God.

I cant ever tell you just how much you meant to me.

I’ll never get over you, this is really my biggest fuck up…

Im so sorry Hibiki.

If anything ever happens to me, there’s a key under the mat by my door.

I know that I should’ve stuck around, I know I shouldn’t have hurt you but at the time I really just, I didnt know what to do, I wanted to help but I couldnt, I wanted to be there for you like you needed me but I couldnt, I wanted to help you so you didnt have to work at the place and let those things happen to you just because you wanted to try and help me but I couldnt–I couldnt do anything like I was supposed to, it was overwhelming. 

I never actually wanted you to leave, and if you didnt find somewhere I was going to tell you that you could’ve stayed. I just run from things, I get so scared and I shut down and I just run away, thats all Ive ever done. I never wanted to run from you. I never wanted you scared of losing me but I couldnt even guarentee that I would’ve been there the next morning. Every day I went to work I just expected to never see you again.

I know it bothered you too.

Im sorry for even really sending this in the first place but I just really wanted to apologize, to tell you how much you mean to me and how much I hope you can be happy, how sorry I really am.

You know my parents had addiction issues, my mom it drove her crazy and my dad it got him put away, I just never wanted anything bad to happen to you but I was too scared to actually do anything about it.

And then I hurt you.

And I’m so fucking sorry.

The thing I’ll regret most in my life will be letting you go.

Im Sorry,

Hiroki

[Enclosed in the envelope: a bank card and a few number combinations written on the inside. A passcode to something, and a choker necklace]

-

Hibiki honestly couldn’t believe that he’d had the guts. Honestly couldn’t believe that, in the entire time they were together, he hadn’t had the balls to say any of this to his face. He’d been ‘brave’ enough to break up with him, but not enough to apologize? Not enough to admit he was wrong?

Part of him was tempted to simply throw the thing away.

[dontyoudarejudgemesworld]

Another one already, but only because I’m stuck in bed with a cold.

So here is Chapter two of The Apple Doesn’t Fall Far. Once again you can click here if you want to read it on AO3.  Not too much more to say about it, besides in general I hope to get one or two chapters up a week but wont make any promises. Real life is chaos and I have most of the fic written however it currently resides in a handful of note books so transcribing it is the name of the game. And with that allow me to fling yet another chapter of an insignificant fic int yawning void that is the internet

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The Apple Doesn’t Fall Far Chapter Two: One Conversation 

“Soos watch the Shack. I’m going out,” Stan barked as he headed out the door. The young man’s surprised but excited affirmative barely registered as he climbed into the Diablo and started it up. This was insane, it was noon on a Saturday in peak tourist season he should be leading tours and fleecing rubes. He shouldn't even be bothering with the woman. As far as she and the rest of the world were concerned Stanley was dead. The woman had already given him a free pass. She’d told him she’d understand if he didn’t come looking for her and bowed out. He had too many things on his plate; he had a lie to maintain to the world while trying to figure out the damned portal. She’d said he’d never see her again and he honestly believed her.

And that was why he was doing this wasn’t it? Because he couldn’t just leave well enough alone. He was far too curious, he’d always wanted kids when he was younger. He’d secretly wanted the whole shebang; a sweet little wife, a few kids, a house down the street from Sixer and his research. Of course that had derailed when he’d been kicked out and he realized he wasn’t exactly fatherly material. Worthless just like the old man said.

In retrospect he should have considered he might have a kid out there somewhere. He had spent many night is beds that weren't his own in search of warmth or some kind of fleeting companionship. And while he had normally taken steps to prevent such an outcome he had slipped up a few times. And with a list of one night stands a long as a New York phone book the odds had stacked against him. Still it hadn't really been a thought until last night when Stanley Pine’s illegitimate daughter came knocking on his door. His daughter.

The thought was still like a cold bucket of water every time. At first he’d tried to figure out how it wasn’t true. The test had been wrong after all paternity test were only 99.9% positive. She didn’t look that much like his mother her eyes had been brown like Ford’s and his. And the fact that she had six fingers…that was just a coincidence. Yeah, and pigs could fly while singing opera. He’d tried all night to find a lie convincing enough, but had failed miserably. Turned out 40 years of lying about everything wasn’t even enough practice when his own child was staring into his face.

And how the hell had she even found him? Seriously he hadn't gone by Stanley Pines for years especially when it came to women. Couldn’t risk dragging them into the shit show that was his life from the poor decision to spend a night or two with him. Yet somehow she’d not only managed to find out who he was but to track his ‘brother’ down in the middle of nowhere with proof. How the hell had she managed that? What kind of ‘friends’ did she have that obtaining federal evidence was possible? Was that even legal?

Not that she looked like she would have a problem if it wasn’t. While he knew that reading a book by its cover was never a good idea she looked rough. It wasn’t just her appearance either. There had been a hardness to her eyes that he knew too well came from years of running in dark alleys and knowing all the wrong people. And her voice had an edge to it beneath that southern drawl she had. The kind of edge that spoke of slit throats, gun fights, and darkness.

Pulling into the Twin Bed’s parking lot he spotted her bike in front of room six. He was sure there was some kind of irony or poetry or whatever in that. Shifting into park he took a deep breath.

One conversation to get some answers. That was all. He needed to know how she found him, after all if she’d dome it maybe someone else could. Sure, she thought he was Ford, but still his past coming back to haunt him in anyway was the last thing he need. That was why he was here…for answers.

Wow… a lie he almost believed.

“You can do this, Stanley. In and out,” he said as he switched off the car, but he couldn’t bring himself to get out. This was insane. He should just leave the woman be, he didn’t need more complications. Besides what could he give her besides trouble. Shaking himself his hand raised to start the car but the door to room six opened and he froze. His daughter stepped out shoving unruly black curls out of her face as she squinted up at the sun. Shaking her head she pulled something out of her pocket and lit a cigarette. Slouching against the wall she rolled her shoulders and stared off into the woods and Stan knew he couldn’t leave. Groaning he climbed out of the car and slammed the door causing her head to snap over to his direction. He froze for a split second feeling her eyes boring into him.

Smoothing his face into his mask he strode towards her calm and collected even as his brain screamed for him to run the other direction. Twenty seven steps is what it took to reach her. For a moment they just stood staring at each other before she exhaled a cloud of smoke away from him. “Well, if I was a betting woman I’d have lost,” she said with a smirk, “So…uhhh nice day, huh?”

“Uhhhh yeah real…uhhhh sunny,” he replied rubbing the back of his neck nervously. A heavy silence descended as they stared at each other. A few awkward moments passed before she stubbed the cigarette out on her boot and cleared her throat. “Look I think I’m gonna need a beer for this. You?” she said cocking an eyebrow.

“Yeah, I think you’re right,” he said and relief flashed on her face and he let out the breath he’d been holding. “Well come on in,” she said as she opened the door to her room. It was small and tidy with a twin bed and a dressed with an old TV perched on top of it. In the corner was a small table with two chairs and a mini fridge. Walking over she pulled two bottles out and popped the tops before sitting down and sliding one over towards him. Taking a seat he nodded his gratitude as he picked it up as she took a long sip of her own. Following suit he stared at her wondering how he had missed how much she looked like Ma. “So I’m sure you have a million questions so go ahead and ask away,” she said and he considered where to start.

“Sure, so uhhh how’d you find me? I mean Stanley wasn’t exactly…,” he trailed off causing her to smile.

“Forth coming with his identity,” she finished for him chuckling, “Well yeah it took a while. He told my mother his name was Stetson Pinesworth,” she admitted, “But I’m a professional P.I. so I was able to follow the strings. Once I chased down his real name it was relatively easy to find you and your older brother Sherman. I considered not going any further but…,” she shrugged, “I thought y’all might want to know that Stanley had some small part of him out there even though it seems like…he was a bit of a black sheep so to say. And I chose to come find you instead of Sherman because I figured with you being a genius and all you could make a call on if Sherman and his kid needed to know. Plus I admit I was curious of what my father looked like and since you’re twins…,” she told him with a shrug and and awkward smile as she took another drink. Letting out a huff of laughter at that he grinned back. He noticed that her words were more precise then yesterday and that her accent seemed to all but disappear. So this is her professional voice, he thought taking another small sip.

“Well sorry it couldn’t be more appealing kid. I wish I could say you got lucky and took after your mother but truth is you look like our Ma when she was young,” he said and she laughed putting him a bit more at ease.

“T’ain’t that bad. It takes a special kind a looks to rock a fez,” she added with a smirk a bit of her drawl slipping through. “Hey it sells the Mr. Mystery a bit more,” he replied, “So yur ma was…,” he asked and she scowled slightly.

“Mary Pisano. She wasn’t…the motherly type. Drink and drugs were way more interesting then her kids. Far as I can guess she got her claws into your brother at a bar and had some fun. I wouldn’t judge him too harshly if I were you though she was real good at that sort of thing. Poor sap probably had no idea what he was getting into,” she told him her voice hard and each word sharp, “She doesn’t really matter. By the time I was nine I was in the foster system. So there isn’t really much to know there,” she added and he took the hint that that wasn’t a subject she was real keen on talking about. Taking a drink he tried to remember her mother but the name meant nothing to him. He wished that he could honestly say that she’d been something special to him, one of the ones worth remembering but no. Just another nameless port of comfort in the sea of misery that was his life.

“Yeah, well he was a bit of a hound,” he said quickly taking another drink to cover his own discomfort.

“Like I said I cant blame him. She was beautiful and that can make any man stumble from time to time,” she said with a smile that he returned. For some reason  the fact that she seemed to honestly mean those words made him feel a bit relieved that he didn’t recall her mother.  

“I suppose that’s right. After all there’s a million stories about men doing dumb shit because of a pretty girl. So you got any questions for me?” he asked and she shrugged.

“I mean yeah a million but I cant really think of them now. Like I said I never really expected you to come ‘round, and I would imagine you cant answer most of them since you ain’t him,” she admitted, “I guess…I really just want to know if he was a good man,” she said after a long moment of consideration. He felt his face fall at that. He wasn’t a good man, he was a liar that sold junk to tourists. And before he’d been…well just about everything except a good man.

“Well…,” he began but she waved her hand to silence him.

“Before you go getting all squirrelly on me I literally have a collection of files on his criminal record. He was a con among other things I know that. But just because he was a criminal doesn't mean that he was a bad man,” she told him and he felt his face twist in confusion causing her to let out a low chuckle, “Look I know that just because someone was a criminal doesn't mean they were all bad. You do what you gotta to survive. So I ain’t askin’ if he was law abidin’ I’m askin’ if he was a good man? If he had a good heart,” she explained and he stared at her mouth slightly agape for a long moment. He’d never though of it like that. Was he a good man? He certainly tried to be but he felt like he’d failed. Sure he’d never hurt anyone he didn’t have to or stolen from people who couldn’t afford it. But still…

“He tried to be,” he said finally, “I mean his heart was in the right place but it always seemed to go wrong. He wanted to make things right for the family but seemed to just fall from one bad situation to the next.I don’t know if that makes him good or not,” he added finally and she nodded.

“I would think it did. I mean my opinion is to judge more by intent not out come generally,” she said with a soft sigh, “The saying is that the road to hell is paved with good intentions, but I cant dismiss the intent just because the final destination sucks,” she told him evenly They lapsed into silence for a few minutes before she finished her drink and rose to get another. He watched her move to the fridge considering her. It was strange to him that she seemed so nonpulse about the whole thing. What kind of life had she led that she could calmly dismiss his criminal record so easily?

“I see you had your extra finger removed,” she said finally breaking the silence and pulling him from his thoughts. Looking up at her he realized that she was looking at the ‘surgical scars’ he’d given himself after the funeral. He’d done it because he was tired of wearing those damned gloves all the time around the family.

“Uhhh….yeah. They were starting to lock up and I figured it would be better to do it before they got real bad,” he said quickly hoping that she didn’t see right through the lie. She seemed to be able to read him, and he guessed if she was a PI she would have to be able to tell a lie when she heard one.

“Makes since. I mean I only have it on my left hand but the docs warned me that it was prone to arthritis. Figure I’ll deal with it if it happens until then,” she shrugged and he was a bit relieved that he had chosen the right excuse. “So I gotta say you’re pleasant enough to talk to but I’m thinkin’ maybe I ain’t ready for your brother and his family just yet,” she admitted suddenly and he blinked in surprise.

“What? Why?” he asked wondering if he’d done something wrong.

“It isn’t you,” she laughed seeming to read his feelings again, “It’s me. I’ve always been out on my own. Which was fine. I’m a big girl, but I’m finding talking to you is…a lot. His family seems pretty close knit where as you seem a bit more of a loner…another reason I decided to talk to you. The idea of being introduced to any more of you right now is…Unsettling. If you even think that he would care,” she told him with a grin.

“Shermie is a big softy, he’d love to have you around,” he assured he quickly, “I suppose you could say he’s the sentimental one out of us. But yeah I can see where you’re coming from,” he admitted thinking about it for a moment. Shermie had always been the glue the bound them together. He’d always made sure to stay in touch and insisted that Stan had a relationship with his nephew and the twins (to the point that violence had been threatened if he didn’t show up at family gatherings at least once in a while). After he’d faked his own death Sherman had seemed even more hell bent to keep keep the family together, if he found out that his ‘dead’ little brother had a daughter she’d be dragged into the fold kicking and screaming if necessary. And when Stan considered what she’d just said he could only imagine how uncomfortable that would be for her.

She gave him a grateful smile and opened her mouth to speak only to be cut off by her stomach letting out a loud gurgling sound. He almost laughed out loud as she pressed her hand lightly to her stomach her cheeks coloring a bit like a guilty child.

“Sorry, I haven’t eaten in..,” she paused appearing to think about it for a moment, “…a while? Time has gotten away from me lately,” she finished lamely. Cocking an eyebrow he gave an amused smile as he shook his head.

“Day drinking on an empty stomach, huh?” he said rhetorically as he stood up, ”Not a bright idea there kid. Come on. I’ll show you the best place in town,” he offered,”We can continue awkwardly staring at each other over food,” he added and she let out a bark of laughter that broke the tension he hadn’t realized had descended on them.

[fictionkinfessions]

oh my god okay i am a full entire week late to the canon quote game but i saw the prompt when it got posted and then went offline for a full entire week because my sibling was here and i wanted to be fully present bcuz they hadnt stayed over in a bit AND im not sure i actually understood the prompt now that ive read other peoples responses but i miss submitting here so

i actually can sort of quote myself? like. i would say “dont overthink that”/“dont think too hard about that” a lot, basically whenever i said something that could possibly be a little bit, uh. concerning, if you thought about it too long, usually because i had just finished thinking about it too long and then gone. fuck. wait. god dammit im doing it again arent i. and anyways this was not a common thing for most folks to say as far as i can remember so when i first remembered this (read: figured out why i suddenly kept saying this thing that i couldnt have picked up from anyone in this life because none of my friends ever say that) i was basically like lmao dumbass didnt realize this was not even in the top three problems of the day for most other dragons around him but um. recently i figured out that i actually picked this up from thorn. who… didnt really say it very often to pretty much anyone who wasnt me. for reasons that are becoming increasingly obvious. so technically i uh. technically i can actually quote thorn, it turns out, basically, is what im getting at here.

weirdly writing all this out kind of triggered a couple memories of specific things that got said that might fit the prompt a bit better but theyre all a little too personal to share here honestly. mostly because it would be super fucking obvious who else was involved in the conversation and that feels… weird idk. (and also technically i guess all of this is just my brains awkward translation of a language that does not exist (that i couldnt really recreate or transcribe even if i remembered it accurately) and theres a certain connotation to what was actually being said at least in the first case that i cant really explain and that is killing me right now omg. sometimes i forget why i dont even bother trying to explain my memories to most people anymore and then i try to participate in an ask game or an ongoing conversation or something and im like. ah. right. the vocal chords. lmao.) anyways sorry this kinda veered off topic a little but i cannot sleep right now and its seriously been ages since i submitted here. and also i really dont know what else you would expect from me lol -qibli (wings of fire)

[fraudulence-paradox]

01/31/2021

So this is sort of weird but, I found this box of old letters from my exes. Only from M---- and K----y. I’m not sure why I kept M----’s, but then, I was going to throw them out, but I just couldn’t. Maybe after this I’ll be able to. It’s so fucking stupid that I cant. It makes me mad. I’m just too nostalgic for the past. For the past me, not even for the past them. I just liked who I was better 4 years ago than I do now. But anyway. To maybe help me get rid of them, I wanted to document what they said here so they wouldn’t be totally lost no matter what happened.

M----’s letters were pretty sparse. The first is from when she first moved to FL when we were dating for the winter season to go do her horse stuff. The second is from that same stint in FL (we only dated for like 1.5 years) and basically says “I miss you, sorry the letter isn’t longer, but I’m busy”. So, yeah. Probably gonna toss those now.

The ones from K----y feel different. Different because we were so young and dumb and stupid and thought we were in love. And they just get sadder and sadder as they go on. I’ll put them all here, in chronological order, with dates if applicable, or my best guess:

Letter 1:

5/9/12 (that’s all it says)

[I wrote this so I wouldn’t forget our anniversary. It doesn’t really count, but I thought I’d include it.]

Letter 2:

circa September 2012

I know I’ve already told you this a hundred times, but a hundred times more you’ll have to hear it. You are the luckiest and greatest thing to ever happen to me. You’re just so perfect and amazing and smart and gorgeous that it’s still so hard to believe that you’re even mine. I love you. I love you and I’ll never stop. I will love you forever no matter what. For real though, every time I look at you it’s like I just completely want to be burst with how much love I have for you. And because of how cute and insanely gorgeous you are, but mostly from love. You really are extremely attractive though, and I don’t know if you believe me or see it or whatever but you really are. I still haven’t been able to pinpoint exactly what it is about you that makes you look that way, but I think it’s either your eyes or your smiles. You’ve got an absolutely flawless smile. That alone can just make me happier than anything. Same with your laugh. Like when you are laughing, really honestly laughing, its just, god, the most crazy awesomest thing I’ve ever heard. I actually can’t even begin to describe how happy it makes me. I love you. I never want to go back to what everything was like before I met you. Oh and apart from all this stuff, you’re like the first person I have met so far that actually looks beyond the surface. That is the one quality in a person that I had above all the others. (wow I’m starting to get ranty and repetitive). Well anyway, my point is you are completely irreplaceable to me. I’ll never stop being completely in love with you. You are my whole existence and I know that whatever happens, I’ll be fine as long as I have you.

With love, forever and always

-K----y

Letter 3:

circa January 2013?

So I just want to talk and talk and talk and never shut up because I’m just so stressed our right now you would never believe it. I’m not trying to worry you or anything. I just need to get something out before I burst.

I just actually can’t focus on anything right now I’m just like gah! And I have a headache and want to get up and wander around or something. I want to just get the fuck out like a seriously can’t handle this right now. It’s not even boredome it’s more of just, “oh my god I cant” like oppressive emptiness. No, not emptiness, more like nothingness? I don’t know how to explain it other than I just don’t want to sit around and listen to people talk. I think I want to be alone, but Ihave no idea and got theres nothing I can do but sit here and think about it. I want to go home but I don’t and seriously it’s just freakin me the fuck out. Oh my fuck I actually cant go home that wont help but I really don’t know what to do! Maybe I actually want to talk to people but no but yes. Too much energy. Can I just cry and break something? This is just way too much stress to be having on a Friday. I’m worrying so much about god knows what and holy hell I want to stop but I cant. I need to stop. Just stop. Stop stop stop stop stop stop. That’s a funny word like top but with an s. What am I even doing serioiusly. This is just totally freaking me out ugh. Sorry, I’m really not trying to get you worried. Seriously. I just need to throw everything up out of my head.

I think I should do something when I get home like I don’t know, something other than watch TV or homework or draw or read because that will stress me out more. I don’t know what even seriously maybe you could tell me a story? Why am I even asking that… but seriously, I kinda want that. And I could watch the history channel or something but I just want to watch a history documentary. That’s actually what I want to do. And eat something like pasta or maybe a taco. I can paint my toenails maybe.. and clean my shoes. No just kidding I don’t want to do that. Tell me more about, I don’t know, everything. Please? Okay actually I’m feeling a little bit better now, but I need to keep writing until this class is over to make sure…

So I just went up to the teacher for her to check some stuff. No idea why you’d care about that but I had to say it. Einsam apparently means lonely. But it’s an annoying word because it looks like an indefinite article when it’s actually an adjective, I think? Not that I got that wrong on my work, because I did know that before, I was just saying. This is too easy but I still hate adjective endings. Whatever, it has to be done. I’d rather do this than go to government. Okay, I’m actually a lot more relaxed now. Ignore the front side of this paper; I couldn’t find any other. It’s relative clauses if you’re wondering.

Now I’m kinda hungry for a burger. Like really hungry for one… I should be finishing my work though… but no, I can do it for homework. I like having German homework. It makes me feel like I’m actually learning something. It’s the only thing in school so far that I’ll actually use later in life, and is fun. There's five minutes left. I don’t use apostrophes… is that a bad thing? [transcriber’s note: oops, I’ve been adding them back in] I think maybe it is. I don’t know if I’ll do anything about it though.

Yeah okay I feel so much better now. I don’t know if you should worry anymore. Maybe a little but I’m sorta good.

Okay, I love you! Gotta go!

Letter 4:

Circa January 2013?

I swear I could never tell you enough just exactly how much I love you, how much you mean to me. It just makes me want to hold you tight and completely melt into you so I’d never have to leave your warmth and never ending kindness and love. You’ve just made me happy and feel so much better. It’s like just seeing you can make my worries go away and I know that I can face anything the day throws at me. You have no idea how much that means to me. And god, you’ve seriously made me feel just so much better about myself. The way you seem to see my flaws as perfection (even though you argue that I have no flaws) is just… I seriously can’t tell you how that’s helped me. I love you so much. You’re like heaven rent or something, really. I don’t even get how you can see any imperfections in yourself, because honestly, you’re like exactly how a person should be. You have all the good qualities a human could ever possess. If everyone were like you, this world would be such a better place. But everyone is not like you so that makes you the rarest treasure of all. And you’re mine. You’re my treasure. Because of that, I will always keep you close and value everything about you and everything we share. Forever, until the day I die, and much longer.

With all my love,

K----y

Letter 5:

Circa October 2013

I’m sorry. For everything. Do you want me to step out of your life forever? Because if that’s what you need, I’ll do it for you. Sorry I couldn’t say this out loud. I’ll just end up crying if I do. And I don’t want you to feel guilty about this. I’m terribly sorry that I’m not perfect for you. I did my best, but I fucked up (even if you won’t say it). You deserve a less clingy and a smarter girl to be with. It’s so hard to say this because whether you like it or not, I’m still very much in love with you. I’ll still do anything for you. This is just so hard though… harder for me than for you, I know. But no matter what you want, I’m not going to be happy for a long time. I can’t get over you that fast. You still mean the world to me. I’m not going to be looking for anyone else for a couple years. At least until college or whatever. But regardless, nobody will be able to replace you, and I don’t mean getting married and stuff. Just little things. But it’s okay. It really is. Sorry to be bothering you more. I know that you just want to move on. I just wanted to say that I love you one last time.

Letter 6:

Circa November 2013

[Written on the outside of the folded note]

Please at least read this before you throw this out.

[Content of the note]

Hey I know that you’re pissed off at me for some reason and you want me to cut off all communication with you, but honestly I just want the awkwardness to go away. It truly doesn’t have to be this awkward. I’m just trying to be polite with you. Yeah, I know, I’m not one hundred percent over you, but I’m doing the best I can. I’m not trying to get with you, or break you and C---- up. I know that there’s absolutely nothing I can do about the situation, so I’m just trying to wait the pain out. I’m not waiting for you. The only reason why I hang out with your friends is because I like them. I’m really not trying to seduce you. If it hurts you too much to see me (which I seriously doubt since you’ve made it very clear how you feel about me and you’re so over it) then you need to man up and just tell me. Talking to me won’t be leading me on. I have no idea what I did to you to make you hate me so much. I’ve apologized and apologized and I seriously meant it. Yeah, I slipped up about the texting thing, but that won’t happen again. I don’t know your motives and they’re none of my business anymore, but please just be polite to me. If you’re truly upset with me, just tell me why. I’m not angry with you, I just seriously have no clue why you’re acting like I ruined your entire life. So please don’t be mad at me for giving you this. I don’t even need an answer.

I just don’t give much of a shit anymore. I know you’re never coming back and I know you’re much happier with C---- than you ever were with me. And that makes me happy. So I don’t care that you never want to see me again. Just please know that you don’t need to keep dragging this out. I just want to be friendly with you. So yeah.

I’m not trying to make you mad or annoy you, I swear it. I just felt like you needed to know. For my own sanity, as selfish as that is.

-from you know who

[rikudawn]

chocobofreckles vs FFXV Accent Challenge @new-recipe created

whats up @new-recipe its ya boi chocobofreckles you dont know me but this is cool

got this shit off @ffxv-edits hell yeah man what up

wow i sound like a Babby. also sorry for SNIFFS i am sick. anyway this is how i sound. i transcribed it cause it’s fun.

What is your (nick)name and your URL

its ya boi red @ramtiger @chocobofreckles

Where are you from?

cleveland which is in ohio which is in the usa

What Nationality are you?

PRONOUNCE THE FOLLOWING WORDS: Noctis Lucis Caelum, Gladiolus Amicitia, Ignis Stupeo Scientia, Prompto Argentum, The Regalia, Eos, Chocobos, Daemons, and Ardyn Izunia

“...and i just wanna say it right here... it’s eye-riss. her brother is named after a flower. i dont- i don’t care what the game says, it’s eye-riss like the flower. cause gladiolus is named after a flower.”

Who are your favorite characters: “yes. uh, no, to be seriou’... i guess i’m gonna exempt the chocobo boys cause they’re the main characters and i love them more dearly than life itself. lets talk about characters that are less prominent... i would die for my father Regis Lucis Caelum. and dino! i adore dino. he is the best boy ever.”

Who are your least favorite characters: “um... can i say sania? is that allowed? cause shes beautiful but I- shes so beautiful but she bothers me. i dont wanna do stuff for- i- i- i mi- it may just be because i’m stuck on this fuckin’ griffin feather mission. it’s the only quest I have that I have to do before I go to Altissia and i cant FUCKING get a griffon feather and i, jesus h. christ, man. goddammit. the hel’d’ya want, Yeager. i, no. any other least favorite characters... i’m just mostly sad that emperor aldercapt didn’t get more screentime. he was so interesting, an’ i like him in kingsglaive, and he still didn’t get that much screentime in kingsglaive either. which makes me sad. he was a very interesting kinda character.”

What was your favorite dish: “i’ll tell ya right now if u kill an adamantoise while you have that chocobo samwich givin’ you the exp boist-- boost. boost not boist (what the fuck...) if you have the chocobo samwich while you do that... you will get a fuckton of levels. tha’it’s very nice. i also like the memory lane pastry for aesthetic reasons, because I am Baker as Fuck. and it’s very cute. [uwu] i love cute pastries. and it makes noct happy, and that- that means a lot to me. that’s it. though i would eat the fuck out of the garula sirloin steak. god that looks good. [sniff]”

CHOOSE A CHARACTER AND ANSWER: What would they do if they found a lost child?

“heheheh why does my answer wanna be “ardyn” and “kill it”? haha cus he wouldn’t. probably. he would make a big deal about... shit... iunno. depends, is the child a lucis caelum? 

“ummm... let’s see. prompto. what if- what if prompto found a lost child. prompto would hold that child’s hand immediately, so they don’t get lost again. and immediately seek out parents or guardians or a phone so the child can call parents or guardians. and make sure the child got home safely, because he knows what it’s like to be without parental supervision in a scary situation. cus, gahd d-, i am going to strangle his parents for leaving him alone all day. but i also understand cause they probably have to work... constantly... and i understand that because both my parents have full time jobs, and i dont have any built up resentment about that. [X-FILES THEME PLAYS INTERNALLY] ...is this a psychological shit that’s happening? i don’t fuckin know”

END AUDIO POST WITH A SIMPLE MESSAGE

“i want to ride my chock-a-bo all day!”