#canon can't touch him

[rottiens]

do you ever think about how satoru is so touch starved he can't think, he can hardly breathe? he doesn't mind holding back at all when he stares at you, he knows you feel it and he expects you to; his thoughts are clouded with a desire that needs to be consummated. he doesn't remember the last time he kissed someone, so every time your mouth moves to form a new sentence, he wonders what your lips will feel like under his teeth, what your skin will feel like when he squeezes it.

will you groan if he desperately and without warning pushes his tongue into you? because he can only imagine how he'd be panting like a dog on your lips the instant you touch him. he needs it so badly he might cry.

[eryanlainfa]

He'd almost rather go through cauterization again-

[aayakashii]

I'm sorry I only write Haku with a praise kink, as in he gets off on praising his s/o, it will happen again

[sarcasticamaleont]

Me writing my werewolf!Stan fic, brainstorming: So yeah then he could spend some time in the forest around Ford's cabin because he's a coward and doesn't want to speak to him but at the same time he doesn't wanna leave.

My brain, out of nowhere: Make him befriends the Multibear.

Me, completely caught off guard: what.

My brain: Make. Him. and Multibear. Friends, best friends even.

Me: That's hysterical. Let's do this

[dnangelic]

like it's just the way that outside of the BATB/POTO 'love what's ugly and ostracized' narrative itself cocteau was gay and everybody hated his gall about it, howard ashman was gay and had to conceal it and died of aids after finishing his work for disney's batb.... rather than have dark be homophobic and spitting in the face of his inspirational roots (the sole canon detail i can't stand) it's much much much more interesting for me to both read and write not someone who's meant to be a pervert (in humor) and an agape lover (in serious contextualization) only to turn and say 'no homo' to the crowd every single time but rather, instead of all that, someone who, simultaneously taking daisuke into account, is both extremely firm yet simultaneously insecure in the struggle to establish their identity not only in regards to themselves but also around others.

that applies to a lot, but i've been considering it especially in regards to dark's gender and daisuke's attractions. dark in my portrayal (while overall 500% nonbinary) is closer to someone bi-gender rather than agender; the feminine aspect to him isn't just theatrics, it's actively also part of his entirety to him, (compared to daisuke's passivity; the ten thousand canonical princess allusions,) and even if nobody ever recognizes it in a cognizant way, it is always, always there, the same way that erik blurs and obscures gender in leroux's novel (my second enormous inspiration, sugisaki's outright admitted primary) and sakurai occasionally discusses his relationship as both a performer and a person as well (my third enormous inspiration and sugisaki's secondary,) (see 1, 2.) simply put, the tragedy of (my!) dark does not ever derive from his being able to choose and sit comfortably and confidently with this sort of identity (in fact, it's one of the few things he can stubbornly, viciously decide for himself [alongside daisuke] as essentially a non-human, autonomous 'angel',) it's instead the way that his personality is so strong and 'anti-feminine' in the eyes of convention that said aspect of himself often gets disregarded for strictly masculine (and regardless, further self-contradictory and therefore isolating,) expectations.

dark himself alone does not care if others do not understand him; this is meant to be one of his far more admirable and impressive traits. he's staunchly independent: he knows who he is, what he's supposed to be, and he knows that if he actively presented himself more femininely (crossdressing to 'pass' essentially,) then people's behaviors WOULD be very likely to change around him, but he doesn't even do that because it goes against his overwhelming sense of pride. he never contorts, he never twists himself, what matters to him is that he and he alone understands himself and knows what he is, what he isn't. but he is, without proper support or acceptance, still alone. even bearing a strong character, the stifling loneliness and inherent, underlying self-sense of broken/wrongness of the 'other,' (god's luciferean problem child, the black sheep, the black-leather wearing punk,) is still inflicted on him. dark exists solely for himself, he exists solely for daisuke, which is simultaneously wherein the inversion and insecurities lie: if dark is canonically the live metaphor for all the aspects of daisuke's self that he attempts to and yet cannot possibly, conceivably repress, from his loves to his faults to his shames and his criminal sins as a thief, then the likes of daisuke's own personal confusions in regards to himself and his attempts at intimacy/socialization with others is the other, hidden side of dark's absolute self-confidence; it's every fear of perpetual isolation, misunderstanding, and abandonment for things outside of daisuke's own control.

queerness in relation to the self (transgender allegory) queerness in relation to others (non-hetero-romanticism) mental illness (depression, anxiety,) etc, etc, dark's thematic basis may at its most general simply be "a secret that feels wrong and that you feel you can't really tell anyone or else you'll get in trouble/won't be as liked as much" but it feels much better to give due respect to each of these primary roots.

[camellia-thea]

one thing the show didn't really touch on is why armand is so against claudia in the books. this is definitely linked to casting and backstory changes, especially related to age, but i think it's really important and still rings through in the show.

armand in the books was turned at seventeen. his ambivalence to claudia's death, his dislike of her, are both completely intertwined with his perception of himself. in the books claudia was turned at five years old. he saw his inability to age, his permanent youth in her, and saw his sire within louis. a benevolent savior turned captor, lover, father. he resents her because she was turned too young, like he was turned too young, but displaces the blame onto lestat and claudia, rather than louis.

louis, who dragged a dying claudia to lestat for her to be turned. compared to amadeo, dying of sickness (or poison) and being turned so a father does not lose a child, a lover does not lose his beloved.

i think it makes his jump to maître with louis even more complicated, especially when you consider that armand was bought by marius from a brothel, and was frequently "donated" to marius' venetian contemporaries, and louis' status as a former pimp.

this comparison between marius and louis becomes more complex when you look at claudia's desire to leave and how armand was taken away from marius by the roman coven. i think armand in some sense overlays his own traumatic separation onto claudia and louis. this could make bruce's presence a comparison to the children of darkness(/satan) and the torture armand received at the hands of the roman coven. if you leave, you get hurt. i think he resents claudia wanting to leave louis, wanting to join the coven, wanting, wanting, wanting. armand is so stuck in himself and his history, his need to have purpose that the idea that claudia wants to and is trying to create herself a space away from louis is practically unthinkable.

"without the burden of her" weighs a lot heavier, i think, when you also consider that marius lived through the fire, immediately made a new fledgling, and did not follow armand. and it's unclear of how much armand knows about marius post-fire in the show, but armand has been left behind so many times, by marius, by the roman coven, by lestat.

i think he is caught up in both his idea that a maker and fledgling will, no matter what, hate and ruin one another, and his longing for someone to step into that role for him again. but he also so desperately wants control over his situation in a way that claudia mirrors. both lacking agency for reasons outside their control, with dependence on external figures who are a significant part of their lack of agency. he hates her, i think, because she has the courage to do what he does not.

another thing to note about armand is his certainty that claudia will cast herself into the fire. his conversation with madeleine was as much a conversation about himself as it was about claudia. armand has spent almost the entirety of his vampire life at the very least passively suicidal. he cannot commit the act himself because he desperately wants to live and connect with the world, but if something were to harm him, it is unclear whether he would try to stop it. madeleine's certainty that she would be enough to stop claudia from feeling the same way was, i think, extremely confronting to armand, as his desperate attempts to attach himself to people have all been attempts to live again. except; they've all left him in the end.

it's easier for her to die, in the end. to assure himself that louis will want him forever without the barrier, to assure himself that he can live where she doesn't, to prove to himself that he is right about everything, than it is to consider that her circumstances -- the want to leave and love and live -- could've been his.

[tennessoui]

the to the point of distraction au is incredible and i have so many thoughts,,, is tatooine working on taking down any of the other hutt systems, and are maybe trying to like, seduce the jedi and the sith back to see who will help their anti-slavery quest??? is kitster like, making fun of anakin in the evenings while they watch their coruscanti day time holos together? is obi-wan gonna be the jealous one this time?

oooohoho good thoughts!! to address in order,

i think any new kingdom of tatooine is going to have to eventually take down the other hutt systems, but also they'll need to strengthen themselves first - which is probably why shmi is entertaining both the jedi and the sith right now for sure. if neither faction feels good to her, she'd be fine going alone, it'd just be quicker to allow one to help her.

kitster and anakin definitely get together at night and kitster drags anakin for filth over all the shit he's said or done with darth solence because it's genuinely hilarious. kitster's never really seen anakin like this with anyone. half the time he's mooning over solence and the other half he's trying to stab him with a knife. kitster was half afraid anakin would stab him with a knife during a banquet where darth solence had, apparently, remembered his mission and was showering kitster-who-is-pretending-to-be-prince-skywalker in attention and flirty asides

which brings me to the last point where honestly i think my understanding of anakin's character in general is that he's jealous. or greedy. or possessive, which is why it shows up in my works so much. i think he's irrationally jealous a lot which then sneaks into his narrative when i write things from his perspective. im sure people are sick and tired of this facet of my anakins, but honestly it's one of the things that, for me, make his character read as a version of anakin skywalker, despite the crazy situations i put him in. sorry!

at the same time i really don't see obi-wan kenobi's character having that same nugget of irrational jealousy or greed or possessiveness that i see anakin skywalker having and that's why a lot of my fics have elements of jealous anakin but not jealous obi-wan - jealous/possessive obi-wan is more au dependent than essential to the character for me

that all being said, for this au i do think obi-wan would be jealous or possessive - after all, he's Fallen! He's dark! he can allow his jealousy to run rampant! now...how many situations crop up where he can really be jealous or possessive? like it's not kitster the manservant that anyone's trying to seduce, it's the prince! obi-wan's kitster isn't in the line of fire, so to speak, so while i'm sure there are moments where obi-wan feels that sweet sweet green-eyed monster, the plotty identity shenanigans really thwart more openly jealous obi-wan here

[stealerofthe2ndbraincell]

How much of my soul do I have to sell to find out what happens after the Tom & Gerri ending?

(Not saying there's "hidden info" or anything. I'm just deadly curious.)

[daily-suyao]

[tuesdayscanons]

If I WERE to add Dale as a muse, these would be headcanons I'd implement:

Dale uses his gold teeth and boots to ground himself in reality, even if he doesn't consciously think about it as such. If his anxiety attacks got severe enough (or his other grounding methods magically disappeared somehow), he'd call out for Dev out of pure desperation. He wouldn't WANT his son to see him in that state, but when he's that anxious, his first priority would be to find SOME proof that he's not still a little boy in Lemonade Hell and Dev is definitive proof.

He also has abandonment issues he doesn't want to talk about. In his mind, he's not neglecting Dev because the Au-Pairs are always watching him.

Dale's messed up parenting comes from a lack of good examples (Vicky was awful and Doug probably was too if he let Vicky hold him hostage for seven years) and insecurity. He thinks that Dev would think he's "less cool" if he was vulnerable with him and "playing hard to get" would make Dev want to be around him more. What Dale doesn't get is that he's playing so hard to get that Dev might as well not have a dad.

I subscribe to the "Dev is a clone" theory (who would push a baby out and let someone name them DEVELOPMENT DIMMADOME). Dale probably made up stories about Dev's "mom" to make himself seem less like a lonely loser, but the stories are VERY inconsistent and he conveniently lost all photographic and video evidence of the mom in a fire that never happened.

Dale NEEDS those sales because of Trauma. Vicky was almost definitely physically abusive to him during Lemonade Hell and Doug was probably a hardass too. If he isn't constantly on top of his game, his life is going to fall apart and he'd be a failure.

Honestly, I feel like he overcompensates for what Doug did to him in general? Dale had to live in rags and lose his childhood to a lemonade scheme his father refused to save him from without magical intervention? Well, Dev gets to live in luxury and not have to lift a finger even if that means he never sees Dale because he's too busy trying to sustain their current level of opulence.

You can tell if Dale is having a rough mental health time if he doesn't slick his hair back. Curly Hair Dale is a Vulnerable Dale.

[h20milk]

i don't just want to take care of you, i want you to take care of me too. i want us to both be happy, to both eat well, to both be smiling at the end of this. ー do you feel the same?

[the-lark-ascending69]

> be a robin buckley fan

> be lesbian

> project on robin

> look up "internalized homophobia robin buckley" on tumblr because it's cathartic

> 3/4 of the posts are about st3ddie or just about steve

[basingstokemercury]

Minute detail analysis: Death At Dawn, after the saloon speech

I was planning just to look over the final shot, but things spiralled as I watched closely and Pernell Roberts is just too good an actor for me not to follow every nuance of his decisions. So uh here goes, it'll be long because I'm going through just about the whole scene.

The blocking and cinematography in this moment always breaks my heart just as much as the dialogue and acting (note that Tubi's subtitles are slightly inaccurate but it doesn't change anything major). But let's start from the beginning.

Hoss is genuinely trying to understand here, but Adam's inner conflict is bad enough without having to try and analyse his own state...

And when the topic shifts from "why are you so adamant (lol) about this" to "are you sure it's the right thing", he's trying so hard to keep control - avoiding eye contact, hiding his expression, speaking in a flippant way that means "if I put emotion into this I'd break"...

Just look at the way he's gone from looking down (thoughtful) at the beginning of the scene to diagonally up (staring at something else to keep himself together) when Hoss starts the new line of questioning - and when he himself speaks, staring straight ahead, completely disconnecting himself from Hoss's eyes...

And then the final direct question is just too much even for that. He snaps, his voice breaks, he can't stay in the conversation.

This is the first time we even see Joe's face in this scene, looking after Adam with concern. He and Hoss exchange looks as they follow, both feeling the gap and neither of them knowing how to close it...

And Adam sets off across the square, the static shot's composition accentuating his loneliness by showing only him in frame, with a long shadow stretching ahead towards the desolate late-night streets...

Even though the others follow, they're at a distance. He's already disappearing down the street by the time they come into view - and before we see them, we see their shadows. Somehow just those shadows behind him, clearly recognisable but without their owners in sight, make the scene feel even lonelier than when he really was alone.

This scene (and episode) captivated me ever since I was ten and watching for the first time. I'm just glad I can finally give it the attention it deserves, with the knowledge to understand what makes it so great.

[reluctantbylerblog]

they really have the gall to say they aren’t biased against byler when these are their reactions to both of these posts:

like c’mon bffr

[kachawo]

What if Wei Ying turned out different? What if he had gone through much worse as a homeless child?

Heaven knows what his life was like before Jiang Fengmian found him, but it surely wasn't friendly. What if that changed him so much? The trauma ingraining itself into his brain that it becomes his main source of survival?

Yiling was a badly managed town, even the children saw that. And among the cultivation sects, none were really keen on investing their time and materials on withered soil, especially the nearest jurisdictions of Qishan Wen and Yunmeng Jiang.

That's why in Yiling, everything tagged crime can be stashed away, hidden into, escaped out of. Sects turn a blind eye to it, hell, even the previous Baron of the land didn't bother reclaiming Yiling because of its high crime rate.

It built itself up by blood money and fear, and with the Burial Mounds so close in vicinity it was much worse.

Anything and everything illegal was practically spoiled culture there.

Especially,

Especially slave traders, especially human trafficking. There was no authority to call upon, no one strong enough of a will to stop it. And so whenever Yiling hears the heart-dropping sound of golden bells chiming, the heavy hooves of a bull that carries with it a large wooden cage. They do nothing.

They can do nothing.

And there goes A-Ying, freshly orphaned, still getting a hang of wandering around the streets he would have to call his new home.

The first time it happened, his face got too close to the torch while he panicked. The large men and their ropes scared him too much and he wanted them to let go let go let go-

They didn't like how he moved around too much and tightened the noose around his neck, A-Ying suddenly couldn't breathe. He felt the bones of his weak throat cave on itself and it hurts. It hurts. It hurts. It hurt so bad. It made him thrash around the cage widely, using his remaining air to scream so violently that would have guaranteed his broken throat.

In his panic attack he hit his head on the splintered pole used as a torch on the corner of the cage they threw him in.

A-Ying didn't think he had the strength to scream about it, but apparently he did. He realized later that the graining sound against his ears were his blood-curdling cries, and that he couldn't feel the left side of his head.

They never took him, in the end. The slave traders complained loudly that he damaged himself and would be of no value. The large man who tied him up, held him by his hair and threw him out of the cage.

After that it was black.

You'd think that after that experience, Wei Ying would have known how to escape people like these then.

He should have died. He should have died a long time ago. When the slave traders lured him in with promise of a meal, when a drunk man mistook him for someone else and beat him with shattered wine jars, when a cultivator feigned kindness and Wei Ying took his hand--

A-Ying should have died when he was 5 when-

Wei Ying should have died when he was 7 when-

When-

It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. Someone stop it STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOPITSTOPITSTOPITSTOPITSTOPSTOPSTOP

He can't be blamed! He can't deal with it! The ringing in his head has made itself a home in his head a long time ago and at that point its been a part of his life.

He's half-blind, half-dying, half a body, full of scars.

Wei Ying can't be blamed.

So when a man comes to him, on a cold winter night calling his name-- he can't be blamed.

(That was used on him several times, several ways, at this point the whole world knows his name. Maybe they were never addressing him really? And it's just so his foolish brain responded to every call hoping it was a-niang or baba who came back to get him.--

Hoping. He was hoping. Such a silly thing to do these days.)

The man wore purple robes, was surrounded by many people with purple robes. One of them approached when he didn't respond.

Wei Ying was 11 by now, 12 almost, he couldn't be blamed.

The robes were different-- a dark royal hue, but it was the same color of the- the same- and the man was approaching him too quickly he-

A child was never supposed to go through this pain. Wei Ying wouldn't know this, but he couldn't be blamed. A small tooth-dagger was plunged into the cultivator's abdomen and the man shrieked--- he couldn't be blamed.

He ran and ran and ran, the man who called his name ran after. His feet didn't acquaint well with the cold solid ground, it burned his skin ironically, but he ran with only fear to power him.

The man grabbed him by the shoulder and said his name again-- Wei Ying couldn't hear anything amongst the rapid beating of his own heart. Couldn't see quite clearly, couldn't think quite straight, he feared.

Wei Ying couldn't have been blamed. When carriage wheels screeched to a halt but it was too late-- and the man in purple had to let go of him one way or another.

He didn't stay too long to see what happened to him. He just ran and ran and ran.

Until there was no ground to run on. Until Yiling was no longer seen. Until he felt the last of his breath stolen from him.

Wei Ying falls falls fall-

His eyes close on their own, they can't be blamed.

[dnangelic]

the hollow nonviolence but nevertheless heavily palpable longing and empty vastness of daisuke's heart. post